#UH SORRY FOR THE LONG HUGE ANSWER I JUST. I JUSR

[catnpc]

im curious what it was that made u change ur mind on dan btw? it seems like u used to be a fan. ive never been in that circle so i know nothing but im wondering what bullshit he pulled for u to go "actually 🤨" . rightfully so anyway hes deeply deeply annoying AT BEST

not only was i a fan i literally had multiple items of clothing that dan howell wore specifically because he wore them. what i could afford as a 16/17 year old anyway. i also went to his and phil’s first tour and met them both. dan howell specifically influenced so many parts of my adolescent personality—and probably still does in some ways 😓—that it’s hard to describe.

mostly i just kinda grew out of them when i went to college, and as a young gay boy i kind of figured they were gay and felt personally let down that they were so willing to play it up for views yet not commit to it ever. there was just a lot of disappointment + growing up that led me to lose interest, and at that time i didn’t have the strong hate and resentment i do now.

in terms of when that particular feeling began, i’d say it was around the time that dan came back from not posting or doing much of anything for 2 years with a coming out video, self-help book, collaboration with youtube themselves, and then a hour-or-so long pity documentary wherein he described how youtube had fucked him, a millionaire, over so much.

i think i was just old enough to recognize the entitlement, narcissism, and deeply warped grotesque view of the world dan howell engaged and encouraged. like, he wrote a self-help book after disappearing for 2 years because of depression. he is so shallowly political, steadfastly unaware of his privileged position in the world, and unbothered by manipulation that seeing or hearing about him makes me feel unsettled in a deeply sad, sick way.

he’s a guy who started dating a 23 year old at 18 and got famous too soon. hes addicted to the attention. and he won’t FUCKING stop using the q slur. basically i realized all of this when he returned to the internet and couldn’t fucking stomach him anymore, and that was that