#it’s not the worst thing in the world obviously but like. it’s bad in it’s own right

[yuurivoice]

Hi Yuuri I just wanted to say I miss Howell. That’s all I hope you have a good day😊

I do too! There's still a lot about him I want to know and figure out. I was able to delve into him a bit more (and get some much needed closure) with some friends. I don't think he's really a character that I want to do various iterations of in different worlds and campaigns, because it's that specific story of his that I love. If it's removed from that world and story, I'd rather have another shot at a new character.

I was able to salvage a couple of relationships out of the rubble from the entire ordeal surrounding TnD, and I've got no beef with anyone who wasn't literal human trash, so Howell's place in my heart is unscathed in terms of being attached to a really shitty time and situation.

Reflecting on those days, that shit was a nightmare scenario. Obviously my own emotional turmoil pales in comparison to the literal criminal and victim in our midst, don't get that twisted because those most directly impacted by one asshole's actions should be the primary concern. It is a hell of a pill to swallow having something that dear to you go up in flames in such a public and grotesque way.

I don't blame anyone who feels any type of way about how it was handled and the aftermath of it. The truth of it all is, one person's really fucked up actions had widespread effects on a lot of people. The radius of that bomb was no joke.

Howell is very dear to me, and those Sundays were genuinely the favorite day of the week for me over that time. The backlash, anger, resentment, and then emptiness of it all really took its toll, as I'm sure it did on everyone caught in the blast zone.

The bad guy got got in the end, and I'm thankful for the folks who made sure that happened.

That year as a whole was really difficult. That wasn't the only heavy thing I had to work through that year. There was a stretch of six months that were probably the worst of my adult life in terms of interpersonal turmoil. The universe really took a bat to my kneecaps.

Saying ALLLLLLLL of that to say, if I had lost my love for Howell, it would have taken a significant toll on me creatively. I would not so freely share the parts of myself it takes to create the stories and characters I do now. I can pretty confidently say that something like Echoes or Shattered would never happen.

I struggled mightily with BitterSweet Chapter 3 for that reason. It was hard to want to carve out pieces of myself to share with the world, and certainly very difficult to work with anyone else out of fear that their bad actions could rob me of my passion even more.

But I learned a lot, and over that time I also think I was able to show my community how serious situations get handled while I'm at the helm. I hate that me and the team have been on the frontlines of a few really serious community PR nightmares, but I do think we've been able to exhibit an ability to treat things with maturity, respect, and direct action.

So Howell means a lot to me. We've been on two journeys, one fictional, and one real...and boy we've gotten our asses kicked more than a few times.

There is a chance, albeit a small one, that there's a DnD story to be told with Howell and some friends, for the world to partake in. Don't know if it'll happen, but the chances aren't 0%...

[francy-sketches]

Look I love alicent she’s my meow meow but why are some of her stans so against her being compared to cersei they just objectively share similarities it’s not an insult to her I prommy. Like seeing them get upset at the comparison between the eye funni in hotd and the trident oopsie in got is just. Girl calm down nobody’s saying they’re the exact same but the pararell is so obvious lmao. Not everything is an attack on your fave hotd twitter is rotting your brain please go oustide we’re worried about you

[bamboozled-distress]

why is there so much hate on poppy 😭 god forbid a woman do anything

[quincywillows]

as i reflect more, i have to say one of the biggest aspects that turned me away completely from traditional publishing is the social media prevalence. there was such a clear expectation, literally from the moment you submit your manuscript for consideration, that you either already had a following on insta/the-platform-formally-known-as-twitter or would be committed full throttle to creating one. there was no question about it. the idea that you would sell not just your book, but yourself, online was baked into the very potential of your manuscript seeing the light of day. and i remember lurking in those spaces and seeing every single aspiring author regurgitating the same plucky, quirky posts, and sharing the same "friends" on the platform, and justifying x y z aspect about themselves as an author rather than telling me anything substantive about their novel (no true synopses in sight here -- just a quippy, 240-character logline usually filled with tropes). it literally felt like being surrounded by clones, or generic-writer-bots, and i was supposed to be inclined to show interest in their writing because of their PRESENTATION on the-platform-formally-known-as-twitter, rather than the actual writing itself. it's even worse now with tik tok and "booktok."

every single book i have ever loved, have ever called a favorite, always grew from the book itself. not the author. most of the time, i didn't know who the author even was, and i rarely take the time to go investigate further. the value and heart of a book lies in the words on the page, the content inside the manuscript -- not the name printed onto the spine.

i just really hate this trend in publishing where the author has become more of a draw or more important than the story itself. we are writers, we're sharing our writing. the story is what it's supposed to be all about; if that isn't connecting with the readers, what else matters? certainly not that -- and it's simply not worth commodifying your literal personhood just to get another click.

[spearxwind]

Thinking about the time i commissioned an artist i rly liked for something and the result was kind of really catastrophic just from the preview image in the email so i just. never opened the actual image

[spikeisawesome456]

.

[timemachineyeah]

damn it lord van zieks I would find your absurdity so hot if you weren’t a fucking racist

[medicinemane]

"Highly respected individuals including henry kissanger..." well I gotta stop you right there, you've got a major inaccuracy cause no one in their right mind respects that man

[ghoulishtomato]

Modern book readers when their characters aren't literally a clone of Jesus Christ Himself starting at Chapter 1

[macroglossus]

shoutout to other bitches with emetophobia* *the only REAL BITCHES IN THE WORLD!!!!! in my pursuit to Beat Emetophobia i accidentally fucked up my body to the degree that i get ill at least once a month now (hellish. horrible) and most people kinda shrug at that but the ones who get it get it. my best friend physically recoiled. because she GETS IT

[sleepy-shutin]

most days i feel like i’m the only person in the world who thinks it’s weird as fuck that so many people think death is the worst thing that can happen to an animal or any other living creature.

like, the meat industry isn’t bad because the animals die, and it’s not bad because the animals die for human consumption. these animals would die anyway, and if they were in the wild, they would die often much more horrific deaths.

every living thing dies so that another living thing can use its corpse as food. it’s called the circle of life, and it’s no different when an animal is farmed and slaughtered for the consumption of humans. 

what ACTUALLY matters is making sure an animal has a healthy, comfortable life BEFORE slaughter, but i almost never see anyone criticizing that about the meat industry.

no, it’s always “the fact that animals die in the first place is horrible because death is obviously not a natural part of life and in the wild every living being is peaceful and happy and never starves or gets horribly sick or torn apart by other animals”.

[dizzybevvie]

so scared to take a stance on danganronpa bc it had major flaws and a not great fanbase but the first game is honestly not that bad in terms of themes and such and both of these opinions will get me jumped in the street

[timeisacephalopod]

Its real strange when Americans especially (meaning politicians, less citizens but them too sometimes) say socialism doesn't work because how the hell would you even know. Half the shit American politcians describe as socialism isn't socialism, and often they treat those things like the sky will fall if they're implemented (like healthcare. Ignore Canada right above you. Lie about how our system works by telling people you need to wait years to see Drs about life threatening issues when you only get waitlisted for specialists and not for years either, it's generally a few months. Not ideal but not what American politicians say either. Ignore every other country with universal healthcare better than Canada's, which is everyone's, because there's no need to even lie about those after making the country above you look bad for not charging 80K to look at a band-aid, which is somehow an improvement to waitlists like the poor won't just die instead of seeing a dr).

Not to mention the US has invaded so many countries with politics farther left then theirs just to install right wing terrorists and then get mad when some of those terrorists they straight up funded do a 9/11 to them like they have slaughtered thousands to "spread democracy" by overthrowing democratically elected leaders all over the world for being "too socialist" or communist so how do you know socialism doesn't work? If it doesn't it's because America specifically has never allowed it to, like you can't invade every single country that does things mildly different, completely destroy them, and then say "see socialism doesn't work!" like you had nothing to do with the collapse of that system???? It's literally the meme of Eric Andre shooting that guy and being like "how come socialism didn't work!" like they didn't just shoot socialism in the face in cold blood. And also capitalism doesn't need to work at all in any way, efficient or not, for everyone to defend it to the hilt so like ok who cares if socialism works if you don't care that capitalism doesn't and you defend it anyway? Clearly "works" isn't a prerequisite to using that system so that's not even an argument worth bringing up at that point.

[catnpc]

im curious what it was that made u change ur mind on dan btw? it seems like u used to be a fan. ive never been in that circle so i know nothing but im wondering what bullshit he pulled for u to go "actually 🤨" . rightfully so anyway hes deeply deeply annoying AT BEST

not only was i a fan i literally had multiple items of clothing that dan howell wore specifically because he wore them. what i could afford as a 16/17 year old anyway. i also went to his and phil’s first tour and met them both. dan howell specifically influenced so many parts of my adolescent personality—and probably still does in some ways 😓—that it’s hard to describe.

mostly i just kinda grew out of them when i went to college, and as a young gay boy i kind of figured they were gay and felt personally let down that they were so willing to play it up for views yet not commit to it ever. there was just a lot of disappointment + growing up that led me to lose interest, and at that time i didn’t have the strong hate and resentment i do now.

in terms of when that particular feeling began, i’d say it was around the time that dan came back from not posting or doing much of anything for 2 years with a coming out video, self-help book, collaboration with youtube themselves, and then a hour-or-so long pity documentary wherein he described how youtube had fucked him, a millionaire, over so much.

i think i was just old enough to recognize the entitlement, narcissism, and deeply warped grotesque view of the world dan howell engaged and encouraged. like, he wrote a self-help book after disappearing for 2 years because of depression. he is so shallowly political, steadfastly unaware of his privileged position in the world, and unbothered by manipulation that seeing or hearing about him makes me feel unsettled in a deeply sad, sick way.

he’s a guy who started dating a 23 year old at 18 and got famous too soon. hes addicted to the attention. and he won’t FUCKING stop using the q slur. basically i realized all of this when he returned to the internet and couldn’t fucking stomach him anymore, and that was that

[hecksupremechips]

Had a very bad day Gotta eat gravel

[charlie-ver]

i'm really in such a shitty mood

i have issues (which got worse) which make it extremely hard to focus and I can't fucking sleep so I just end up not performing well enough on my tests and due to missing three weeks w my tops surgery I lost so much time I can't get back

I love my school and I enjoy my major but am I having an awfully difficult time completing everything, plus my mental health is just not great but Oh that's not good enough to get extensions (: how do I explain that I get into such awful states mentally that I just end up either napping too much or in a perpetual state of some weird as fuck torpor where my brain goes "You'll fail it anyway, you won't pass to the next year anyway, so do you really have to do all these assignments?"