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jeyramarie · 3 years ago

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don’t touch my girl- Fezco x Reader (Part 3)

summary: cal jacobs doesn’t leave you tf alone

wc: 3,050

warning: cursing, blood, guns, drug mention/use, Cal Jacobs🤡

a/n: ‼️please read‼️

just wanted to talk about a couple things👀

first, i have received fezco request lately (if anyone wants to send, you can) and i’ll get to them after i finish this fic!! i promise i’m not ignoring it or anything i’m just taking one thing at a time to balance it all with college work too♥️

second, remember i’m doing a part per episode so please people, ik you want it asap but i’m not that fast 😂 i take my time to be able to write something great for all of you cause i enjoy writing it and i enjoy y’all’s reactions to it🥲

third and last, feedback is appreciated, i hope you all enjoy this one 😌 lmk if you wanna be tagged and as usual, happy reading 🦋

part 1~ part 2~

(gif from @jennifershraders )

Fezco wasn’t one to “fall in love”. He always laughed and made fun of anyone who said they were. To him, it was a bit pathetic how you could become so dumb and happy for one person. That was his only train of thought, until he met you.

Now he’s laying next to you in bed, naked under the covers as he watches you sleep. Not in a creepy way, of course. He just loves to admire you. Fez ran his finger tips down your arm and back making you squirm a bit which caused him to take his hand away immediately.

“You know…it’s kinda rude to stare.” You mumbled against the pillow and slowly opened your eyes to meet Fezco’s. The blue in his eyes made you smile, you couldn’t really explain but it gave you a comforting, peaceful feeling.

“Well ‘m sorry, ma. You just too cute ‘n shit.” He smirked before leaning down to peck your cheek before throwing the blanket off his body to stand up. You groaned as you stretched your body before laying on your back and sitting up to see Fezco washing his teeth.

“Are you going to the store or do you have some other…business?” You asked, fidgeting with the blanket. The redhead lifted his head and stared at you through the mirror.

“Nah, imma go to the store. Ash is gon’ go a bit later tho.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” You asked as Fez walked out of the bathroom towards the closet.

“Of course I do, ma but…imma need someone to keep an eye on Faye over ‘ere. I can’t have her takin’ produce, you know what I'm sayin’?” He replied, putting on a t-shirt.

“Ugh, babe, seriously?” You whined.

“I know you ‘ont like it, ma.”

“I hate it, Fez. I don’t wanna be her babysitter.”

“I know, ma. It’s just for today tho, tomorrow I won’t open the store.” Fezco said, sitting next to you as he tied his shoes. You sighed, throwing your head back with a slight frown. He moved closer to you, cupping your face to look at you better.

“Just fo’ today, I promise.”

“Fine. Please be careful.” You whispered, cupping his face to peck his lips. He smiled and stood up, grabbing his jacket before walking towards the door.

“I always am. Love you.”

“Love you too.” You called out as he opened the door.

Once the door was shut, you stood up and walked towards the bathroom to get ready. You ended up with some shorts and an old band t-shirt you stole from your mom’s belongings. The house was quiet when you walked out, which meant that Faye was still asleep or doing drugs in the bathroom. You walked towards the kitchen, to brew some coffee and get started on some pancakes.

“Oh..fuck.” Faye groaned as she sat up on the couch, rubbing her temple in pain.

“Morning, Faye.” You said, pouring the coffee into your mug.

“Hey…” She muttered, walking slowly to the bathroom. You continued with the pancake batter as you heard the door open followed by slow steps to the kitchen. Faye looked at you as you made breakfast. She never really understood why you were with Fez in the first place. To her you were so…delicate and Fez was a drug dealer who carried around a gun. How the fuck were you together?

“You okay, Faye?” You asked, feeling her eyes on you.

“Yeah, I was just thinking.”

“ ‘Bout what?”

“You and Fezco.”

“What about us?” You chuckled, looking at her over your shoulder.

“You’re just so different.” Faye muttered, leaning against the counter. You poured the mix into the sizzling pan and turned to her for a second before turning back to the stove.

“We’re not that different. We both grew up in a shitty environment.” You replied and flipped the pancake.

“You seem like you did just fine but like…what about him? Like….he’s dealing.” She furrowed her brows in confusion as she spoke slowly, like she normally did.

“Yeah well…he’s doing pretty good considering he had to raise himself and Ashtray all alone. Fezco didn’t really have time to be a kid, he had to grow up from one day to another.” You explained, placing a pancake on a plate before pouring a bit of mix into the pan again.

“Damn… that shit’s tough.”

“Yeah, it is.” You chuckled at her response, placing the other pancake on the plate.

“Here you go.” You said, handing her the plate. Faye looked up at you in surprise and smiled. She walked into the dining room and muttered a ‘thank you’ before digging into her breakfast.

The day went by pretty quick. You cleaned up the house, rooms included and did some much needed laundry. The bed sheets reeked, you didn’t know how you didn’t notice before getting into bed. Faye stayed on the couch smoking all day, eating and watching TV. You didn’t really have anything in common so you didn’t talk much. You were about to get started on dinner when the boys showed up.

“ ‘Sup, Y/n.” Ashtray said, throwing his bag on the dining room table.

“Hey, how was work?”

“Meh, same ol’ shit.” He replied and walked off to his room as Fezco walked closer to you.

“Hey.” You smiled.

“ ‘Sup.” Fezco muttered, pulling you into a hug as you chuckled, noticing that they both had the same vocabulary. You took away your face from his neck to look up at him before getting on your toes to peck his lips.

“How was it wit’ thick lips over there?”

“It was fine.” You chuckled at the nickname.

“I’m gonna put the bedsheets in the dryer before starting on dinner, I’ll be right back.” You said and padded his chest, before walking away from him. Fezco slapped your ass as you walked off making you look back at him over your shoulder with a smirk. While you took the sheets out of the washing machine, you heard Fezco talking to someone in the kitchen. You couldn’t hear who it was very clearly but it was obvious that Fez was pissed since you heard as you walked back.

“Hell the fuck no.” He said.

“Okay, well, before you say no, you kind of have to let me finish, right?” The person replied as you walked closer and you immediately recognized it was Rue.

“Hell the fuck no.” Fezco replied again as you walked into the kitchen.

“Hi, Rue.” You smiled walking past her to stand in between Fezco’s legs since he was sitting on the counter. You looked to the side and saw Faye beginning to season the meat which made you a bit nervous but you were already planning on fixing it when she was done.

“Hey. Why do you keep saying that?” Rue smiled at you before talking to Fez once again.

“I did not like the way that the plan started.” He shook his head.

“Okay, well, you have to let me finish the fucking plan.”

“No.”

“What plan?” You asked looking at Rue and back at Fez.

“Well, I was asking Fez-”

“Hell the fuck no, Rue.” He said cutting her off.

“Fuck it. I give up. Whatever.” She says, lifting her arms and throwing them down in defeat causing them to slap her leg.

“I’ll just take my fuckin’ business elsewhere.” Rue continued, pretending to walk away.

“It’s your fuckin’ loss, man.” She turned her back to all of you before turning around to check if Fez had changed his mind.

“Hell the fuck no.” Fezco said one more time before Rue grunted in defeat and walked out, slamming the door.

“What the fuck was that about?” You asked, turning around in your spot to face your boyfriend.

“Just some stupid ass drug plan, ion know.”

“Well, let’s hope she doesn’t get in trouble. Let’s get dinner ready!” You exclaimed, patting his thighs.

“Can you please grab the potatoes?” You smiled sweetly, looking into Fezco’s blue eyes and you both leaned in, connecting your lips in a soft peck.

“Yeah, I’ll get ‘em.” He hopped off the counter and rummaged through the fridge while you moved to Faye to add more seasoning to the pieces of meat.

The next day, the boys stayed home with Faye while you went to the supermarket to get some groceries. The fridge has been empty for like a week and you can’t find everything at Fez’s store. Some other things required going elsewhere. It took you three hours to grab everything from the grocery list, buy it and put it in the car. Living with two boys and a junkie required a lot of snacks and drinks.

After a short drive back, you rounded the corner and opened the garage door with the remote you had in the car. You saw a familiar truck parked close to the apartment. It looked familiar but you couldn’t really pinpoint where you knew it from. You drove up the small hill and went into the garage before turning off the engine. You leaned to the side to get your purse and sat up straight again, looking through the rearview mirror on the side of the car to see Cal Jacobs looking right at you.

Panic rose through your body as you rummaged quickly to close the garage door, before hurrying inside. You slammed the door and walked hurriedly into the dinning room to see him counting money with Ash. They lifted their heads to you and immediately got worried when they saw your hands shaking.

“Yo, what’s up, ma?” Fezco asked.

“Cal Jacobs is outside. Like, like, posted outside.”

“Who the fuck is Cal?” Ashtray questioned, shrugging his shoulders.

“Nate’s dad.” You replied letting go of your purse. Fezco clenched his jaw at the sound of Nate’s name before standing up to move the stacks of cash somewhere else. Faye took out the trash and saw that Cal was still there.

“He’s still there.” She announced closing the door before moving back to the couch to smoke her blunt.

“Go get ‘em, Ash.” Fez muttered as he walked down the hall while Ashtray stood up to get the shotgun. He grabbed it and walked outside to get Cal as Fezco came back. His hand immediately went to your lower back.

“It’s gon’ be okay.” Fez muttered and pecked your forehead.

“I’m just scared. He’s a very dangerous man, Fez.” You whispered.

“I know, ma, but it’s fine. I got this.” Right then and there, the door opened and Cal walked in as Ash followed with the gun.

“Sit ya ass down.” Fez muttered, leaning against the couch as you stood next to him. Cal moved slowly towards the chair and Ash automatically placed the gun next to his head. He looked you up and down, making you lean closer to Fez.

“So, first you come to my fuckin’ job askin’ all this weird ass questions like the feds. Then I find you out in front of my house…looking at my girl and shit. What the fuck are you doin’, man?” Fezco started.

“You’re free to call the cops.” Cal shrugged as Ash kept the gun pressed against his temple.

“Why the fuck would I do that?” The redhead asked as you grabbed his hand while the other went to his shoulder.

“Well, it’s either call the cops, let me go or…kill me.” He looked at Ash.

“What the fuck, man? What’s with your family? Are you all just a bunch of fuckin’ assholes?”

“You beat up my son.”

“Yeah, well, he deserved it, man. He’s a fuckin’ bitch.”

“Oh, okay, tough guy.” Cal mocked and Ashtray slammed the but of the gun hard against his head.

“Ow, fuck!”

“Oh my god, Ash!” You shouted, about to step forward but was held back by Fez.

“Why did you do that?” He asked Astray with gritted teeth.

“ ‘Cause you’re in no position to talk shit.” The boy replied, never taking the gun away from his head.

“I’m warning you. You hit me on more-” BAM! Ash hit him again.

“Oh, fuck!” Cal shouted in pain.

“Why don’t you call the cops?” He asked, lifting the gun once again.

“The Chief of Police, Will Greenwood-”

“Mhmm.” BAM! Another hit to the head. And another one, followed by another one, followed by another one.

“Ash.” You said, wanting him to stop.

“All right, Ash. Chill out, man.” Fezco said calmly, adjusting his position.

“Fuck!” Cal shouted in anger.

“This guy don’t want the fuckin’ cops involved. Watch.” Ash pointed the gun at his once again before taking his phone out of his back pocket, placing it on the table.

“Call the cops.” He told Cal.

“I will!”

“Dial, bitch.” Ash said before slamming Cal’s head again.

“If you got nothin’ to hide, call the fuckin’ cops.” Ash insisted watching as blood dripped down Cal’s face. He hit him one more time, making Cal lift his arm, attempting to block the gun.

“Stop, stop, stop.” He begged.

“I’m not fuckin’ stopping. I’m not stopping, call the cops.” Ash pointed the gun back at him.

“Told you.” He muttered looking at Fezco before slamming Cal’s head one last time.

“Alright, man. I get it.” Fez looked at Ash and back at Cal.

“That’s enough.” You said calmly, signaling the boy to lower the gun.

“I know you and your drug addict friend, that girl.” Cal began and wiped the blood off his eye.

“You’re trying to extort my son.” He looked up at Fez.

“What?” Fezco questioned.

“Because of what I did to her friend.”

“What the fuck are you talkin’ about, man?” The redhead asked in confusion.

“You know, the blonde.” Cal wiped his mouth.

“Who? Jewel?”

“Babe, it’s Jules.” You whispered with a small grin.

“That’s what I said, Jewel.” Fezco whispered back.

“No, it’s Jules, not Jewel.” You chuckled.

“Well, yeah. Jewel.” Fez shrugged before turning back to Cal.

“Look, man, I didn’t know she was 17.” Cal said as he took deep breaths while the blood ran down his face, staining his shirt.

“Wait, what?” You asked.

“You tellin’ me you had sex with Jewel?”

“Who’s Jewel?” Faye asked, looking at you and Fez as she held her almost finished blunt.

“What the fuck, man?” Fez muttered.

“Do I know Jewel?” The blonde questioned again, high as a kite.

“The fuck are we even talkin’ about right now, bro?”

“Jewel…Jewel, Jewel, Jewel.” Faye whispered to herself, attempting to remember where she knew the name from.

“I just want the disc.” Cal muttered, scratching the back of his head.

“What disc?” You asked, filled with nothing but confusion.

“Of Jewel and I.”

“Yo, you recorded that shit?!” Fezco shouted.

“What the fuck is happening right now?” You whispered to yourself, stepping away from Fez as you ran your hands through your hair.

“I didn’t know.” Cal replied.

“You didn’t know that you were recording?” Fezco asked, leaning forward as he mocked the man.

“I fucked up.”

“Obviously, man. Yo, who the fuck told you I gave a shit about this anyway?”

“My son.” Cal looked up from the floor.

“Your son? The one that’s in love with Jewel?” Fezco asked, looking straight at him, still feeling confused.

“Aw, that’s cute.” Faye commented, tilting her head to the side as she exhaled the smoke.

“It’s not, Faye.” “That’s not cute, man. What the fuck?” You and Fez replied at the same time.

“What?” Cal whispered as he began to understand his situation.

“What kind of weird ass father-son shit is goin’ on around here, bro?” The redhead ran his hand over his head and looked at you for some kind of clarity.

“I’m extremely confused.” Cal muttered, looking at you and then back at Fezco.

“You’re confused?” You asked.

“I’m fuckin’ confused, bro.”

“Me too.” Faye said and exhaled the smoke.

“I don’t even know what the fuck you’re doin’ here.” Fez shrugged, placing his hands back on the couch.

“Do you mind if I just leave?” Cal leaned back on the chair.

“Oh, please do.” You whispered, scratching your brow.

“I’m not gonna say a word about anything, I swear to God. Let’s just pretend like… none of this ever happened.” He continued as Fezco looked at you and Ash with a ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ face. Ashtray shook his head, never taking the gun away from his head.

“Yo, Ash, let me talk to you real quick.” Fezco muttered before parting from his spot to walk down the hallway as the boy followed. Leaving you alone with Cal and high ass Faye.

“Hi…what’s your name?” Faye almost whispered.

“Faye, don’t talk to him.” You muttered to the girl.

“Cal.” He replied coldly.

“Do you and your son, like- Do you, like, fuck people together?” She asked, making you lower your head in embarrassment.

“Yo, check it out, man.” Fez said, walking back to all of you.

“Imma let you walk outta here on one condition.”

“Anything.” Cal muttered.

“You’ll keep your bitch-ass son out of my fuckin’ life, and Rue’s and Jewel’s, till the end of fucking time. You understand?”

“I promise.”

“Now, I don’t know shit about no fuckin’ disc, man. That’s not my problem.” Fez shook his head, leaning against the wall. He turned his head to you and grabbed the back of your arm, pulling you towards him.

“Now get this motherfucker up outta here, Ash.” He ordered, nodding his head towards Cal. Ash moved behind the chair, grabbing Cal’s elbow as he stood up. You stayed close to Fez the whole time, especially when the disgusting ass man looked you up and down. The same way he did at the store. The second the door slammed shut, you let out a breath of relief, feeling safe again.

“So you’re telling me, that Jules had sex with Cal…and there’s a video?” You asked and looked up at Fez.

“Babe, don’t ask me. Ion know shit, I’m as confused as you are.” He replied and leaned forward to peck your forehead before moving to the kitchen leaving you with a million questions roaming around your head.

‘I have to call Rue.’ You thought before walking into the kitchen after Fez.

fezco taglist: @hansakind @idkimjusthereliving @romanogersendgame @black-fairy3 @bracefacelaiiiaa @sorceresss @mrsjubelova @damn-i-woke-up @rafecameronswhore @mandowhatnow @illumi3 @suqarszn @joonieshoney @hnslchw @stylesyourmine @estefansalvatoresgf @purpleflamebluesparkles @lostaurorax @capswife @yolandagtz @demifrostcunt

#fezco x reader #fezco x y/n #fezco x you #fezco euphoria #fezco angst #fezco fluff #fezco smut #fezco fic #fezco imagine

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mirrorofprinces · 2 years ago

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twitter prompt fill #1

prompt tweet | fic tweet

19. “tell me what you imagine, when you think of me.” kinnporsche, 1.2k, phone sex, dirty talk, masturbation

The days feel longer when Porsche isn’t around. The nights, endless.

Uniting the main and minor families was as easy as slipping a ring onto a finger, and holding that hand the way Kinn promised to. Keeping them united was a different set of challenges, but not just logistically-speaking. Kinn could only do so much to help salvage what was left in the fiery aftermath of the attempted coup and Gun’s death, but he had his own work to do, his own affairs to settle. The rest was up to Porsche. Weeks later and Porsche was still sorting through the wreckage. For Kinn, this meant several nights with the left side of their bed cold, multiple mornings having his coffee alone; a disquieting change in routine.

Is their empire really worth all the quiet, empty afternoons, now that he knows what it’s like to have something more?

It’s on a third consecutive night of Porsche being away, holed up in the minor family mansion dealing with a new staff and old problems, when Kinn caves in and calls him.

He hates calling Porsche when he’s working, because he knows Porsche will always answer. And it breaks Porsche’s concentration, eats into the time he’s putting into a job he’s too good for, but Porsche is as much Kinn’s weakness as he is his strength. So he lays in bed and picks up his phone. Porsche answers after the third ring.

“Hi, handsome. I was just thinking about you.” He sounds tired, his voice soft and gravelly.

Still, Kinn smiles. “I’m always thinking about you. Still working?”

“Yeah. But I’m giving myself one more account to go through tonight, and that’s it.”

Kinn glances at his watch. It’s just before midnight. “Think you’ll make it home after?”

Porsche sighs. “I don’t know. I have a meeting here in the morning, it wouldn’t make sense to go back and forth.”

Kinn knew that already. It’s a meeting with some local businessmen, small enough that his presence isn’t necessary. He would have gone, though, if Porsche asked him to.

“That’s okay,” Kinn says, even if it’s not.

“I’ll be back tomorrow evening, though,” Porsche reminds him. Kinn is counting down the hours. “Wanna go out for dinner?”

“We’ll have dinner here. I just want you home with me,” Kinn admits.

“Sappy old man,” Porsche says. Kinn can hear the smile behind it.

There’s a few long moments of silence, when Kinn can just make out Porsche’s even breathing, the tapping of a keyboard, the scratch of a pen to paper.

“So what were you thinking about?” Kinn asks suddenly.

“Hmm?”

“You said you were thinking about me,” he elaborates. “What was it about?”

Porsche laughs. “Are you really trying to get dirty over the phone?”

“Maybe,” Kinn says, chuckling. “But you did just admit that you were thinking dirty things about me, so…”

“Yeah, it’s too easy to think dirty thoughts about you,” Porsche says distractedly.

“Tell me one.”

“What, right now?”

Kinn quickly kicks the blankets off his legs and slides his free hand into the front of his silk pajama bottoms. “Yeah, sweetheart. Tell me what you imagine when you think of me.”

“God, I don’t know…” Porsche says, trailing off, but Kinn keeps silent, waiting for him to give in. “Okay. Your hands, I think. I really miss your hands.”

“What do you imagine them doing?”

Porsche hums in thought. “Picking me up and grabbing at me, like when you’re being all rough and strong. Holding me down. Pulling my hair. Touching me.”

Kinn wraps his hand around his mostly-soft cock. “Where am I touching you?”

“Ugh, everywhere, don’t make me say,” Porsche grumbles, shyer than usual.

“Fine, fine. What else do you imagine?”

“Mmm… Your mouth on me.”

“I miss that, too,” Kinn says. He strokes himself slowly, eyes falling shut. “The way your skin tastes after a long day, how beautifully loud you get when I suck you off.”

“So embarrassing,” Porsche whines.

“No, it’s sexy. And you get even louder when I eat you out.”

Kinn hears a sound like a groan muffled behind a hand. “I’m working, don’t do this to me.”

“You said you’re almost done,” he points out. “For the record, I miss your mouth as well. I miss how much you drool and gag when I fuck your face.” Kinn can picture it clearly; Porsche’s teary, pleading eyes, saliva smeared down his chin and across his cheeks, hands held obediently behind his back while Kinn takes what he wants. He speeds up his strokes, biting his lip. “You’re so pretty on your knees, Porsche. I’d keep you there for hours, your mouth full of spit and come, your hole plugged up and waiting for me.”

“Stop,” Porsche says weakly. “What’s gotten into you, huh?”

“Am I not allowed to talk about fucking my own boyfriend? Or how sweet and wet he gets when I play with his tits?” Kinn asks gruffly, thrusting up into his fist. “Getting two perfect handfuls of his ass when he rides me, how he can barely take how deep it is, him clenching around my cock when he comes?”

“Oh my god. Are you jerking off?”

“Keep talking, Porsche,” Kinn begs through gritted teeth. “Tell me.”

“Fuck,” Porsche says shakily. “The way you say my name when you’re close. Your voice gets all soft and breathless, right in my ear. It’s so fucking hot, Kinn. I wish I was there—I wish we could—”

“Porsche,” Kinn whispers, tightening his grip. It’s nowhere near as good as the real thing, but it’s enough for now, with Porsche’s voice in his ear. Kinn turns his head and presses his face into Porsche’s pillow, and it doesn’t smell like him, but it smells like them, both, the soft life they’ve managed to build with each other through vicious times, the home they share and defend.

Kinn says Porsche’s name once more, reverently, pleasure building and peaking, coming into his hand and spilling onto his stomach.

He sags back into the mattress and tries to catch his breath. “Thanks. I love you.”

“Fuck me.”

“Tomorrow,” Kinn laughs, still panting.

“Very funny,” Porsche says dryly, then clears his throat. “And I love you, too.”

Kinn frowns. “Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming?”

“No, no, it’s not like that. I just… I do have to finish this work.”

“I can do the rest of it, sir,” another voice says quietly, but not quiet enough that Kinn doesn’t catch it.

He suddenly sits up in bed. “Who is that?”

“Uh. That’s Som. My new head of security, remember?”

Kinn blinks. “Am I on speakerphone? Have I been on speakerphone this whole time?”

After a tense moment, Porsche clears his throat again. “I told you I was working.”

“Porsche... Love of my life…” Kinn begins, grinding his teeth. “Did you just let your new head of security—”

“—Oh, don’t start with me, we pay them extra for their discretion, plus you used to make Big deliver condoms to your room while you literally had someone—”

“—He only dropped them off, he didn’t sit there and watch—”

“It’s fine, Khun Kinn. I’m straight,” Som courageously interrupts.

“And he has a girlfriend.”

“Actually, fiancée now, as of last weekend.”

“What? Congratulations!”

“Thank you, Khun Porsche. It was a long time coming. She’s my high school sweetheart.”

“Oh yeah? That’s so cute. Kinn shot his.”

“I’m hanging up.”

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kpts #my writing

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akuji-shipper-in-awe · 3 years ago

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Basically how Alana found out about Striker's feelings for Mox, god I love her so much 😌

---

"Moxxie, your fuckin' drunk." Striker commented, pushing the drunkened fiend out of his lap.

Moxxie would have landed hard on the rocky ground if Striker hadn't caught him with his tail, instead gently setting him a few feet away from him.

Moxxie weakly stood up, "I am nnnnnOT drunk! I am mmmeeeerly tipssssy." He said with squinted eyes and crossed arms.

Striker had noticed the little guy a few days back, right after getting back from a job in another town. Seemed like his friend had gotten quite stressed while he was away so he offered to go out drinking. Well, just to their hideout behind a thick patch of thorn bushes, but they were definitely drinking. Would've helped a lot if he knew that Mox got drunk easily and was clingy as fuck, not to mention touchy.

"You are darlin'." Striker said, setting his drink down on the ground next to the log he was sitting on.

Moxxie blew raspberries, "I ammm NOT drunk."

Striker sighed looking directly at the imp with a small scowl. Now he really didn't mind Moxxie trying to get on him. Wasn't that big a deal, not like either of them would try to do anything more, but he did know that Moxxie would get highly embarrassed afterwards, start spouting apologies over and over again while Striker had to pretend not to like the attention he was getting while the small thespian was drunk.

Really pissed him off.

"Mox yer gonna regret doin' that in the mornin'." Striker spouted, angrily picking his drink back up and taking a sip. Watching intently as Mox, a little wobbly, stumbled over to him again. Sitting down next to the larger, snake-like imp.

"No I woon't." He placed his head on Striker's shoulder, "I jjjjust wanna cuddllle." He yawned a little bit, making Striker's heart skip a beat for a second.

Striker placed his drink down again, turning towards the drunk imp, he started to feel the effects of his own drink catch up to him, still more level headed then Mox but a bit tipsy, "Ugh, Mox, we both know that's not all you'll do."

Moxxie leaned off him, crossing his arms in defiance, "Maybe, but I wwwanna cuddle right nnnooow."

Striker locked onto the small hand going towards his tail, quickly moving the sensetuve appendage to the side, out of the graby things reach, "No."

Moxxie pouted at the lack of touch, turning his whole body in a mean of defiance, again.

Striker groaned, "Yer such a baby- fine! Fine, but nothing too touchy. Don't need to be told sorry twice a second the whole day tomorrow…"

Moxxie smiled proudly as a cute, innocent expression came across his face. He stood up again before walking Infront of Striker's hunched over posture. Making the tall imp sit up straight again.

"I said you could- CUDDLE." Striker couldn't help raising his voice as Moxxie sat on his lap, wrapping his arms around the bigger imps neck to secure this position while his legs stayed on the outside of Striker's legs. The cowboy demon staring wide eyed at the little imp pushing his face into the more sober imp's neck.

"What the fuck are ya doin'?" Striker wasn't complaining, just genuinely confused.

Moxxie didn't respond, at least not with words, he just chirped a bit while rubbing his face against Striker's neck.

Striker stared at the smaller imp in a few confusing emotions. Confusion being obvious, embarrassment, and… love?

He decided to think about that last one later and simply placed his own arms around the smaller imp's waist. Moxxie, feeling delighted by the action, placed his lips on Striker's neck.

That's when Striker shivered in pure delight. But it was soon pushed down as he remembered the little imp was drunk, not in the right state of mind.

He grabbed the smaller imp by the hips, pushing him back a bit, "Okay, that's enough."

Moxxie pulled himself back towards Striker, "Whyyyy? You sssseem to like it, jjusst look at your tail…"

Striker just noticed his tail was wagging, quite a bit, Satan he could barely control his tail when it came to happiness. He groaned in annoyance, placing the appendage under his foot to stop the wagging, "Yes! I do like the fact that a cute idiot is pushing up on me, but not when you're drunk!" He stopped for a few seconds. Face palming himself mentally, finally realizing he should stop drinking with Moxxie if he would make him spurt out the truth, please don't remember that bit…

"Now just get off me…" Striker finally said after a moment of the two staying completely still. Moxxie didn't move, he actually didn't even try to continue his advances in Striker.

Striker stared at the imp on him for a second, slightly shaking him after a while, "You awake Mox?"

Just a small movement, changing to planting his face into Striker's chest, slightly snoring.

Of fucking course your asleep! Striker thought with an agitated groan slipping past his lips.

He stared at the small thespian for a few more seconds, contemplating what to do next, finally he remembered what time it must be. It was pretty dark out, definitely past at least 8, Wrath's sun didn't set until eight so it was definitely past that time. Didn't Mox say he goes to bed around 9?

"Ah shit, yer dads gonna kill me Mox." Striker let out another agitated groan.

He set his drink down again, making the now empty bottle clink against a small pebble on the ground. Then slowly turned Moxxie's sleeping body to the right. Picking him up bridal style after placing an arm underneath what seemed to be his knees and behind his back, right were his arms connected to his torso.

Striker stood up as he walked towards a small clearing, where the thorny bushes split to form a concealed path leading out of the I closed space behind the bushes. Striker made sure to avoid getting Moxxie pricked by any when they got to a narrow area, only to get pricked himself.

"Huh, it's not that bad but you would really hate it if it woke you up though." Striker mumbled, finally out of the bushes.

Moxxie, unconsciously, grabbed at Striker's shirt, pushing his face into the awake imp's chest, mumbling a small phrase Striker couldn't clearly make out. It was something about guns, or something of that sort, but the little guy was smiling so he wasn't too worried about it.

It didn't take long to get to the window of Moxxie's room. The house wasn't too far away, about a five minute walk form the previous area, but with carrying Moxxie it was a little bit tiring to do.

He adjusted Moxxie to where the small thespian was being held with one of his hands while he went to open the window of Moxxie's room. Thankfully, it was unlocked so he wouldn't need to worry about an earload from Moxxie's dad.

As he opened the window he felt Moxxie snuggle into his chest again, his heart started to beat a little faster as he raised the window up enough for him to sneak into the bedroom. It was a tedious task with the job of holding the small imp and keeping him awake but it was doable even with how small the window was.

Striker moved Moxxie into the bridal style of carrying him again before placing him onto his bed, grabbing a blanket off the chair in the other corner of the room and laying it over the sleeping form of Moxxie's body once it was in his hands.

Striker sighed as he removed his hand from Moxxie's body and was about to go back to the window when he felt a hand grab his wrist.

He looked down to find a half awake Moxxie trying to pull him close again, "Nooo, give me a kiss before leeeaaving me."

Before he could even start to protest against the idea, he felt his long tail start to wag again. After staring at the small body again, he leaned downward, "Fine, just don't get on my case about it in the morning." He took a small breath, contemplating if he should actually do it when he felt Moxxie's grip loosen.

Only for it to tighten again and tug on his arm, "Kiss meeeee!"

"Okay okay! Fine, just stop yellin', yer gonna get me in trouble with ya dad." Striker sighed, shaking the hand off of his forearm and leaning further down inches away from the body infront of him.

The whole time Moxxie didn't open his eyes, making him wonder if he was just talking in his sleep again. Hopefully he was still asleep when he did this.

He placed his lips on top of Moxxie's forehead, his tail wagging as he removed the contact and stared down at the imp before him.

Before he realized the importance of what he just did, he heard shuffling outside the door, a shadow moving in front of it.

Without thinking, he ran up to the window and hopped through it, only to fall flat on his face with a bit of dirt going into his mouth.

"Good job dork." A voice from above called out.

Striker flipped over onto his back, sitting up and rubbed his face, coughing up the dirt that got into his mouth. He stopped once he realized he was being spoken to, "Heeey Alana… Y-you didn't see anything, right?"

Alana chuckled, "I only heard my brother ask for a kiss and you say that you'd be happy to comply." She looked up for a second before looking down again, "Oh, but I did watch you make an utter fool of yourself in front of anyone outside."

Striker groaned, "Yeah, yeah, very funny… Is- is yer-"

Alana smiled, "My parents are asleep, told 'em Mox was just finishing helpin' my own friend move something for the night. So now you owe me."

Striker sighed before an agitated expression crawled across his face, "What exactly do you want?…"

"Thought you'd never ask~ Can ya get me into the ranch where you work? Need to practice me horse autonomy." Alana said as she smiled smugly.

Striker just stared at the woman for a second, "Why do I have to? You know you can just walk in there, right?"

"So I can get close while you do your daily jobs with them."

"Fine."

---

Hope it was good enough, did this while on the road with a friend of mine :)

#A Friend?#strixxie #striker #helluva boss #moxxie #fanfic #one shot #oc #AU

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kyun-toast · 4 years ago

Text

[MONSTA X] Changkyun - Happy Without Me

word count: 3.8k warnings: alcohol, suggestions of smoking, swearing, suggestions of sex summary: I don't think about you sometimes 'Cause I think about you all the time a/n: I’ve been listening to the All About Luv album a lot recently and Happy Without Me hit a little different the other day. I hope you don’t notice how I slacked off near the end 💜

“Yerim what are you wearing for tonight? I wanna look cute but not like ‘I’ve put effort in’ kinda cute, you know? Like I’m always this cute.”

Yerim laughed as she replied, “You’d look hot wearing a bin bag so shut up and let me know what drinks you want. It’s ‘bring your own booze’ so I was gonna run to the store for extra before we go.”

“Umm, vodka? Tequila? Maybe rum? I’m getting smashed tonight and you’re all going to carry me home, just letting you know.” Soobin winked and blew kisses at the both of you with a coy smile on her face, as some form of ‘thank you in advance’ for the troubles that you would be going through later that night. As much pain she put the both of you through, it was hard not to love her.

“Yeah, you say that as if that’s not what happens every week, you psycho.”

You smiled from the comfort of your sofa as you witnessed the two of your best friends bicker. You were never really one for parties, but you decided to let yourself go after an unfortunate night maybe five? six months ago. You thought that you could vent your frustrations into your notes app and be done with it, but your friends took pity and introduced you to another option. One where you could numb your mind with alcohol and crashing bass, and you figured that it was somewhat more enjoyable than cry-writing shitty poetry on a Friday night. Notes app therapy was now a thing of the past.

Changkyun had become such an integral part of your life that you couldn’t help yourself from unconsciously replaying memories that you had attempted to bury. A simple look at the most irrelevant objects would have him running through your mind before you could even stop yourself. Oh, we bought this mug together. You were surprised he hadn’t taken it with him when he left. It was his favourite mug to drink whiskey out of. Speaking of whiskey, you needed a drink. It had only taken days for him to make himself at home at the forefront of your thoughts but how long was it going to take to rid of him?

As much as you tried to keep those thoughts at bay, no amount of alcohol could ever stop them from crashing back over you whenever you saw that little smiley face appear at the top of your Instagram feed.

imnameim. When had he posted a story? You hadn’t seen the pink circle earlier. Would it be too early to look at it now? You couldn’t risk tapping on it only to see that it had been posted 12 seconds ago, just like you had done the other day. And the day before. And the day before that. Should you just make a burner account? No, that’s too far, we’re not going there today, bitch... Maybe tomorrow.

You hated how much power that tattoo face held over you, looking straight into your eyes - almost mockingly. Oh, did I look like a smiley face to you six months ago? Well, I’m a sad face now and that’s all you’re ever going to see.

“Y/N! Hey! You’re going to stare a hole into your phone.” Soobin clapped in your face, trying to get your attention. You looked up, softening your expression to meet Yerim’s eyes.

“Soobin was asking what you’re going to wear tonight.” Yerim said.

“I don’t know, probably that top I got yesterday?” you shrugged, unbothered by your friends’ question. You weren’t going to parties to impress anyone; you were going to drink the last of your braincells away.

“Y/N, ‘that top’ you got yesterday is a free t-shirt you got from the Domino’s pop-up stall on campus. I’m not letting you do this again.” Yerim dead panned.

“OK and...?” You met both of their concerned faces only to have them grab each of your arms.

“Come on. Up. That’s it.” You made unintelligible noises as they dragged you up off the sofa and into your closet. The thoughts about Changkyun’s story were left on the sofa as your mind was now filling with an excited buzz. “You act like you hate this, but I know you love getting trashed with us, Y/N.” Yerim laughed and you knew it too.

Changkyun lay in Jae-in’s bed, with her nestled in his chest as he looked up at the ceiling and sighed. Being careful not to wake her, he slowly squeezed his arm out from under her head to lay on his stomach to scroll through Instagram.

He had posted a story over an hour ago, half hoping that you’d see it – a cover of Dean’s Instagram. How ironic.

He shook his head at how pathetic his efforts seemed, whispering to himself, “What the hell are you doing?” He refreshed his feed for the last time to see that you had posted a video of the three of you dancing to a song in your walk-in closet. Probably drunk. Upon re-watching the video on loop for the third time, he concluded that you were most definitely drunk.

Seeing you having fun like this had him torn between being happy for you, moving on with your life and probably on to other men too. Being attractive plus the endless number of parties you went to now was just the perfect recipe. You were bound to have found someone.

And this is where the hatred washed over him. He despised it. Hated seeing you have fun without him, moving on as if he had never existed. Was it that easy for you to just forget? It seemed unfair that he was still struggling to keep you off his mind while you were out having the time of your life, letting your followers know of that fact too.

Deep down, he knew that he wasn’t happy for you at all. He was just trying to kid himself into thinking that he was. Be mature and everything. That was what both of you had agreed to be when your relationship came to an end. After days of what could probably be called a verbal equivalent of a nuclear war, the two of you had given up.

Crying, shouting, complete silence, you had done it all and there was no end in sight. On day three of radio silence, you felt as if you could do without speaking to Changkyun at all. When you brought it up, he admitted he felt the same. Exhaustion making both of you devoid of any emotion, you agreed to disagree and act like the fight had never happened. You were tired and wanted nothing more to do with it. Or each other. Thinking of yourselves as somewhat grown, you decided to be civil since you were in the same circle of friends, not wanting to burden them with any of your problems.

With so many things left unsaid and ties still loose, there was no way that you could just cut clean. But you never so much as bumped into each other since.

You hadn’t blocked each other though, as you both felt that it was some sign of weakness. Yeah, I’m tough enough to keep them on my socials. They don’t bother me. Not at all. But in the small hours of the morning, you were on each other’s profiles, hoping for a glimpse of what they were up to. Wondering if he had finished that song he was working on. If you were eating well. If he was really seeing Jae-in seriously. If you were well and truly happy.

“Hey, how are you doing?”

Y/N’s doing just fine for themselves, everyone can see that.

“Did you finish that essay?”

No, that’s too random.

“I think about you all the time.”

Shut up Changkyun.

Though you had both agreed to be ‘friends’, there was no easy way in going about messaging one another when you had fought so explosively. Changkyun also felt that he had missed the right timeframe for him to salvage whatever there was left of the relationship. Whether it be platonic or romantic. No matter how much he wanted to message you, his pride falsely masked as maturity stopped him from ever doing more than wish for you to call him and say that everything was going to be ok. That you can start over.

“Do you wanna go to Minhyuk’s house party?” Jae-in’s voice was heavy with sleep, squinting her eyes at the bright screen of her phone. Changkyun was startled from his thoughts, not realising that she had been woken up by a text.

“House party…?” Changkyun was dubious.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to, it’s just that we don’t ever do anything besides fuck, and I thought we could do with a change of scenery.”

“I mean yeah it’s just that we’ve never hung out with other people before. Like together.”

He had met Jae-in at a bar a few months ago. Holed up in his studio after the breakup, Changkyun got to channelling his anger into working on his music until his course mate Minhyuk persuaded him out for drinks. Minhyuk had flirted with the girls from the table over to get them to join in on the pity party. Jae-in had seated herself next to Changkyun and a few drinks later, they had quickly bonded over their childhood obsession with Death Note to which she followed up with an invitation to watch it at her place. Who was Kyun to reject? With all this pent-up energy to spare, music wasn’t quite cutting it.

“I doubt anyone will care that we arrived together.” Jae-in shrugged. “Let’s go.”

“Yeah, I invited Jae-in and I think Changkyun might come with her too.” Minhyuk stated nonchalantly over the phone. You choked on your wine and thanked God that the music in your room was loud enough to cover the unnatural sound you had just made. “Y/N, is that ok? I should have asked you befo-”

“No, I don’t care.” You replied a little too quickly, “It’s been months and we broke up on good terms anyway, remember?”

“MINNIE! I MISS YOU!” Soobin drunkenly shouted across the room as Yerim held her back from throwing herself at the phone.

“I MISS YOUR FACE TOO, BINNIE! I’LL SEE YOU LATER!” Minhyuk chuckled as he didn’t hesitate to match her volume through the phone.

“Ugh, you two make me sick”, Yerim rolled her eyes, “You literally saw each other this morning. Just get together already.”

As Soobin and Minhyuk continued to chat, engulfed in their own little world, you reached to grab another drink. If Minhyuk’s predictions were right, you were going to need something stronger than wine to get you through the night.

Stepping into Minhyuk’s apartment, Changkyun could feel the bass rumble underneath his feet already.

“Hey! You made it! I thought you guys weren’t going to come, it’s so late! But we have drinks and snacks in the kitchen. Oh, and Jae-in, the bathrooms just through the hallway on the right…” Minhyuk’s voice trailed off into the loud music. Changkyun followed behind Jae-in as his friend gave the newcomer a guided tour of his place.

Though he was familiar with the apartment, it felt a little weird for him to walk through it with someone else by his side. A pack of cards strewn over the floor jogged his memory back to a particularly warm night in June. With the sun just beginning to rise, you both stood below Minhyuk’s balcony at 4am. You shouted,

“HEY MINHYUK, WE’RE GOING TO PLAY UNO AT YOUR PLACE, D’YOU WANNA JOIN?”

“THOUGHT WE’D ASK IN CASE YOU’D FEEL LEFT OUT.” Changkyun added. You both snickered as Minhyuk opened his window to shout back at you, regretting that he had ever given you two the spare keys to his apartment.

“ARE YOU REALLY INVITING ME TO PLAY CARDS MY OWN HOUSE RIGHT NOW?!” Birds fluttered away startled, as a neighbouring window flashed on a light in annoyance. Your shouting combined could never top the sheer volume of Minhyuk’s voice. Changkyun grabbed your hand as you ran into the building laughing before the neighbour could join in on the screaming match.

With classes finished for the year, you had what felt like an infinite amount of time on your hands. Kyun smiled to himself as he was reminded of those summer nights that he had spent with you. Stargazing, pillow talking, daydreaming on repeat.

“Yeah, so you can get to the outdoor space through the living room but I’m giving you special access to my little balcony through my room because you’re uh, Changkyun’s friend.” Minhyuk grinned as he ended his tour.

Upon entering the actual party in the lounge, Changkyun stopped in his tracks at the sight of you on the other side of the room. For a moment, the smoke in the room seemed to clear as his eyes trained on you throw your head back in laughter at Yerim’s animated storytelling. Hearing your voice so crystal clear made his heart swell with something that he couldn’t quite put into words. Half a year had passed since he had last seen you, sat broken on the floor of your apartment, explaining that it would be best to part ways. You had looked so drained of emotion then; it was such a stark contrast to what he was seeing now. He stood frozen, heart beating hard against his chest like a hammer.

“Kyun! Why are you so late?” Wonho, another friend of Kyun’s appeared out of nowhere with a bottle of tequila in his hand. “You gotta catch up on the drinks now, come on, open your mouth.” Wonho went to grab his face with one hand as he proceeded to try and pour some alcohol into his mouth jokingly. Changkyun chuckled as he play-fought with Wonho only to stop midway when he noticed Jae-in smiling at the sight.

“Oh, this is my friend Jae-in.” Kyun straightened up and brushed off his clothes.

Wonho went to shake her hand as Minhyuk snuck up behind him.

"Yeah, friend.” He giggled as he raised his brows suggestively and left as quickly as he appeared shouting, “Binnie! Where are you? We gotta go make those s’mores you wanted!”

Changkyun rolled his eyes and smiled as he guided Jae-in to the nearest table of drinks and set to introducing her to the rest of his friends, hoping that you wouldn’t notice him.

At this point, the three of you were beyond gone. Soobin had already passed out with a s’more in her hand as Minhyuk hauled her over his shoulder to put her to sleep in the guest room.

“And she.. she was telling me to sythensi.. she was telling me thynsenise, no, synsi.. she wanted me to synthesise, there we go, snythi…” Yerim tripped over words, dead set on getting her pronunciation right while Hyungwon sat and nodded with his signature painful smile on his face. She was determined, hand on his shoulder with a grip that let him know he wasn’t going anywhere until she had finished her story.

As for you? You were sat next to Yerim, a vacant smile on your face as you struggled to keep your eyes open. Day drinking followed up with a house party in the evening really wasn’t the best idea for the lightweights that you are but there you were, listening to your friend repeat the same sentence over and over again. An urgent voice in your head piped up, letting you know that you should probably go for a breath of fresh air.

“Yerim, hey, Yerim, I’m.. going for some air… stay with Hyungwon okay? Hyungwon, call me if anything happens?” You stood up, struggling to find your balance and teetered across the room to get to Minhyuk’s balcony.

The thing about you is that you are one of those blessed people that can sober up as quickly as they get smashed. You felt refreshed, taking in a deep breath as if to cleanse your alcohol ridden bloodstreams with the cool evening air. Your head still spun a little but as long as you kept your eyes anchored on the moon, you’d be fine in no time.

As much as your body needed a break from the party, it wasn’t the greatest timing for your mental state. Once you had assumed that Changkyun wasn’t coming to the party, you let go of the anxiety holding you back from enjoying yourself. You had been overstimulated from the alcohol, music, and people, not giving yourself a chance to think about anything else. But once those factors were gone, it was just you, alone with your drunken thoughts on a balcony looking up at the moon. And just like that, those suppressed memories regarding a certain boy couldn’t help but unpack themselves from your unconscious. Oh man, this was going to be such a good cry.

Changkyun was beginning to feel a little too tipsy for his liking. Though he was having a great time, it felt as if he wasn’t entirely present at the scene, like he was watching and laughing along through a TV screen. He slipped away from the kitchen island to get a breather.

“Oh shit, sorry, I didn’t realise anyone was here.” He apologised, going to close the door of Minhyuk’s balcony to a figure hunched over the railing. You looked up from your hands at him and tried to focus on the blurry face.

His movements faltered when your eyes met, door still open. Just one look at you was enough for that knock back into reality Changkyun had needed. God were you a sight for sore eyes. He drank up the way your cheeks and nose were flushed pink, how your eyes were glossy in the moonlight, eyelashes thick with tears, and the way the softly coloured city lights behind you framed your face. With the night air stained with your perfume and the sounds of muted traffic perfecting the scene, he had never felt so in the present until now. He wanted this moment to last a lifetime.

“Changkyun?” You replied, as you wiped your eyes clear of the tears blurring your vision. You could tell that voice apart anywhere, you only questioned in the slight chance that you were just hallucinating, going insane.

“Are you ok? I can leave if you want, I-” He began hurriedly, knowing that you hated having anyone see you cry.

“I’m fine.” You sniffed.

“Bad day?” He asked softly, bringing himself to stand next to you, looking over at the cityscape.

“Yeah, something like that.” You replied, letting out a small laugh as you wiped the last of the tears from your face.

Tension hung so thick in the air you could feel it weigh down on your shoulders. Changkyun hated that you, the person he had once shared the deepest parts of his mind with, was someone he was now so uncomfortable with.

You both stood there awhile, looking out at the blinking lights of the cityscape. As quiet as it was, you could almost hear the sound of your brains whirring, going back and forth over whether or not you should say something to break the silence. Changkyun had spent months thinking of questions he wanted to ask you for when this moment came, but the alcohol and nerves fogged up his mind. All he could think of doing was holding you in his arms, hoping for you to be able to feel his apologies, sincerity and promises through the beating of his chest.

A heavy pressing in your lungs only intensified, as you thought about how the present situation had become the outcome of those few perfect years. You regulated your breathing, trying to break down the lump from coming up in your throat, on the verge of tears again. Thinking back, you realised that you probably could have been a little more understanding, could have softened your sharp words, could have opened your heart up some more to allow for Changkyun to do so in return. These thoughts and emotions bubbled up inside your chest to spill out of your mouth before you even knew what you wanted to say.

“Changkyun, I-”

“I found a really nice place for nights like this. Y/N.” he cut across with an anxious tremble in his voice. He could feel the apology ready to tumble from your lips, he had to stop you from apologising for things that you really didn’t need to. He hated that your heart was so big and so loving that you were willing to start trying to mend this relationship first. But he hated himself more for not having the courage to try to be even half as loving as you are.

He continued, still looking out over the balcony, worried that he’d start to tear up if he met your eyes again, “you can see the stars so clearly, it’s insane.”

You turned to him, tears welling in your eyes again. Despite having cut each other from your lives for what felt like a lifetime, it broke you how he could still read you like his favourite book.

“Can we go? Y/N? I’ve waited so long to show you.”

Hot tears fell down your cheeks again as Changkyun noticed and turned to you, pulling you into his chest as you cried out the mess of emotions you had amassed.

The person you had wanted to talk about your breakup with Changkyun the most, was so ironically Changkyun. He’d know how to calm you down, how to sort out your problems with ice cream in bed like any other issue you were facing. But what were you supposed to do when you had cut the one who understood you the most so bluntly from your life? Who were you supposed to turn to when you wanted to talk about that?

Your cries pierced into his heart deeper with every second that passed, feeling the hurt in your voice in the deepest parts of his soul. He replied by holding you tighter, and you could feel all those things he left unsaid that day you left in the warmth of his chest.

“We don’t have to rush,” He whispered into your hair, “I have all the time in the world for you. Let it out.”

He brought a hand up from your shoulders hesitantly, feeling almost undeserving of comforting you after the pain he had caused you. But to you, his hand stroking your hair was where you found your solace.

So, there you stood, in each other’s arms having poured out your hearts to one another without having said a single word. But you both knew that you felt every single one.

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eadanga · 3 years ago

Text

Royal Love Part 3

Summary: Now 18 Eleanor heads to her first year of college and falls for a handsome musician. Can she keep her royal secret be with her true love?

A/N: This series is for @kingliam2019 one of my 500 followers giveaway winners

Eleanor lays on her bed her books in her lap Ugh I hate math so much formulas well I better solve them. Her phone buzzes in her pocket she quickly answers “Hi dad”

“Hey sweetie hope I’m not disturbing you”

“No but isn’t 11pm over there? Why are you up?”

“Well someone didn’t want to go to sleep till he said hi”

Eleanor giggles “Ok ok put him on”

Alex’s bright smiling face comes up “Hi sis!”

“Hey little bro how are you?”

“Fine how’s school? Is it cool?”

Eleanor smiles “Eh it’s alright lots of work to be done”

“Oooh do you have recess like mine?”

“No I don’t I mean we can take breaks whenever the only thing cool here is the food and lots of clubs think I’ll join one”

Alex jumps up and down “Daddy I wanna go to Eleanor’s school she said they have good food!”

Liam chuckles “You can’t go to school for food son”

“But it sounds like fun Daddy”

Eleanor laughed “The work isn’t fun so much work”

“Boo work”

Eleanor giggled “Now you should get to bed”

“Nooooo I wanna talk to you more”

“You can talk to me tomorrow lil bro”

“You promise?”

Eleanor nods “Yes”

“Yay ok I’ll go to bed now”

“Good night lil bro”

Liam comes into the frame “Alright off to bed with you”

“Night daddy”

“Night my prince” Alex skips off to his room as Liam turns back to Eleanor “Glad everything is well there”

“It is dad how’s mom?”

Liam chuckles “She pasted out as soon as she hit the bed she didn’t even say good night”

Eleanor laughs “Well she is pregnant dad how much longer till”

“I think about 2 more months”

“Let me know as soon as it happens”

“I will sweetie I’ll let you get back to school”

“Ok dad have a good night”

“Same to you I love you my princess”

“Love you too dad”

Eleanor hangs up the phone and continues studying before her door swings open and Marissa runs in “Girl what are you still doing in bed get dressed the game is about to start!”

“I will just let me -”

“Oh no” Marissa pulls her out of bed “You can do that later now come on get dressed”

Eleanor giggles “Ok just let go of me!”

Marissa lets her go and grins as she runs out the door “Hurry!”

Eleanor quickly gets dressed and meets Marissa outside as they walk Marissa turns to her “Hey I heard you on the phone your mom’s having baby?”

“Yeah she is about 2 months to go”

Marissa claps her hands “Ooooh what is it? A girl???”

“Yeah”

Marissa jumps up and down squealing “Ahhhh! How cute if you need a babysitter I’m available”

Eleanor giggles “Don’t worry my dad’s gonna have plenty of nannies”

“Awwww but can I at least see her like everyday?”

“Think it maybe hard for you to get to Cordonia”

“I’ll live there then”

Eleanor laughs “What about your family back home”

“Oh you’re right they won’t like that” They arrive at the football game and take their seats in the bleachers “Oh look Cole’s already one the field and once we win you can bet there’s gonna be a party”

“How do you know we’re going to win?”

“Positive vibes bestie we are gonna win I know it and with Cole and Austin that’s our captain we’re unstoppable” Eleanor spots Cole in a huddle and he looks up at her and smiles. Eleanor blushes she turns to Marissa who smirks

“I saw that”

“Saw what? Nothing happened”

“Mmhmm so when’s your wedding”

“Marissa!” Eleanor playfully shoves her as she laughs

The Raven’s win the game beating the Eagles 21-15. Everyone runs onto the field to congratulate them. Marissa looks at the crowd “We’re not gonna get through that we’ll see them all at the party” Eleanor nods and they walk back to the dorms.

A voice calls out to them “Hey Eleanor!” They turn and see Cole running towards them

“Oh hi Cole”

“Hey did you enjoy the game?”

“Yeah it was awesome but shouldn’t you be with the team celebrating?”

“I’ll celebrate at the party” He grins “I see you made friends with this one surprised you’re able to handle her crazy self”

Marissa rolls her eyes “Oh please I’m awesome to be around right Ellie?”

“Ellie?”

“That’s my nickname for you can you I call you that”

Eleanor smiles “Sure”

“Yay” Marissa throws her hands around her neck

Eleanor giggles and pulls her off “You two know each other?”

“She didn’t tell you? We’re cousins”

Eleanor’s eyes go wide and turns to Marissa “You are?”

“Yeah but it’s not a big deal everyone has a cousin”

Eleanor laughs “Of course”

“So are you guys coming to the party?”

Marissa grabs Eleanor’s arms grinning huge “Of course we are”

Cole chuckles “I think Eleanor can answer”

Eleanor giggles “If I say no she’ll drag me there”

“You know me so well”

Cole laughs then smiles “I’ll see you there”

They head back to the dorm and get ready for the party. They head to the party and see it in full swing. Marissa grins “I love this party”

“Me too” Eleanor turns to her “So Cole’s your cousin?”

“He’s more of my big brother always been there for me another reason why I came to this school so at least I’ll have one person I know here”

Cole waves them over and they head to where he’s standing “Your drinks ladies”

“Thanks” Eleanor takes a sip “Congratulations on the win”

“Thanks but it belongs to everyone we all worked hard”

Marissa grins “I knew all those years of football paid off”

Cole chuckles “It did maybe one day I’ll go pro”

“When you do we want invites to all the Hollywood parties”

Cole laughs “Of course”

Marissa frowns “Incoming bitch”

They look and see Alyssa heading towards them “Hi Cole baby you did good tonight”

Cole grits his teeth “Thanks”

Alyssa gives him a flirtatious smile running her fingernail down his arm “So how about we go dance?”

Cole removes his hand “Alyssa stop it! We’re not together anymore!”

“But I miss you baby I know I made a mistake but -”

“It was way more than a mistake now go bother Austin or someone else long as it’s not me”

“But Cole baby”

Marissa steps forward “You heard what he said”

“Oh Marissa didn’t see you” Alyssa sneers “You still scooping out horse crap? Cause you smell horrible farm girl”

“You little”

“Don’t talk to my cousin like that”

“Oh Cole baby I know it must be a disgrace to have such a poor farm cousin. People like us don’t need to be associated with people like her”

Eleanor stepped forward “I’ll shut my mouth if I were you”

“And who are you loser?”

“Someone who has more decency and better class than you. Doesn’t matter whether her family has money or not she’s still human like us. Though I don’t think you’re a human being you’re just an insecure spoiled brat that looks down at others to make yourself seem better than anyone else when you’re not”

Alyssa fumes “How dare you talk to me like that?! You”

“Why don’t you go screech somewhere else you’re already hurting my ears”

Alyssa jabs a finger at them “You don’t want to mess with me know your place losers. Cole baby I know these losers brainwashed you but I’ll bring you back to your senses” She struts away

Cole turns to Eleanor “Wow I’ve never heard anyone talk to Alyssa like that before”

“Yeah” Marissa smiles “Thanks for everything you said”

“It was nothing there’s always people like her in Cordonia”

“You’re from Cordonia?”

“Yeah born and raised”

Cole smiles “I knew by your foreign accent you we’re from somewhere”

“Well looks like I’m not needed for this convo I’m gonna get another drink and check out the guys” Marissa winks and walks away

Eleanor rolls her eyes as she turns to Cole who smiles “So you wanna take a walk with me?”

“Of course”

They walk out the party and walk down the path to the dorms “This is nice peace and quiet away from all the drunken people and loud music”

Eleanor giggles “Yeah”

“Listen sorry about Alyssa”

“It’s fine Marissa told me she was your ex”

“Unfortunately yeah and she cheated with some guy at one of the dorm parties and yet she thinks I’ll take her back”

“Marissa said she just wants your money”

Cole sighs “Yup that’s obvious my family is very wealthy my dad’s a businessman and so is Alyssa’s”

“So you’ve known her a long time?”

“Just met her when I got to college I started dating her after we one our first game then Marissa told me she was cheating and I saw it with my own eyes broke up with her right there and then I will never get back with her I don’t date cheaters”

“I can understand”

“Should have broken up with her the minute I heard she was bothering Marissa she didn’t tell me cause she wanted me to be happy but I care about her well being too”

“Yeah she said your like her brother”

“I tried to be her own brothers are married and moved to different states so I always tried to be there for her” They reach the dorms and Cole smiles “I’ve never told anyone this thanks for listening”

“It was my pleasure and thanks for walking with me”

“Not a problem hey you wanna get coffee tomorrow?”

“Of course I’ll would love to”

“Great see you then” Cole waves then jogs off

Eleanor smiles and waves she felt heart racing What is this feeling I’m getting in my chest

Tags: @indiacater @mfackenthal @the-soot-sprite @princess-geek @gkittylove99 @iaminlovewithtrr @twinkleallnight

#king liam #liam x mc #Liam Rys #trr liam #trr #trh #the royal romance #the royal heir #choices trr #choices fanfiction

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sunlit-squid · 3 years ago

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(simping softness prompts) could i get some “hey, everything's gonna be fine. stay where you are, i'm on my way” or “holy crap, i thought you were dead! never do that to me again!” if you are feeling so inclined? sorry im just in love w ur writing

For those who don't know, my ask box is open. Send me a simping softness prompt, and I'll write a short sbsp ficlet for you. ✰

i'm gonna do "hey, everything's gonna be fine ...", but don't you worry. i will also be doing "holy crap ..." at some point, since someone else requested it.

anyway, thanks for the prompt, and for the kind words! while we're here, i should also say that @wowthwtslame is doing a similar ficlet challenge. their writing is wonderful, so definitely check them out!

also tagging @azumeowth, who requested the same prompt!

ficlet under the cut. thanks again!

The call came in -- loudly -- at around 2 in the morning.

When Squidward rolled over to check his shell phone, the dull blue screen read, simply, “SpongeBrat”, accompanied by a vomit emoji. Sighing, the octopus put his phone on silent and went back to bed. Surely whatever it was the sponge wanted to blabber about could wait until tomorrow. After a decent night’s sleep.

Unfortunately, sleep was hard to come by. Despite having switched his phone to silent, the device’s small blue screen continued to light up repeatedly, like a small, pathetic rave. Every few seconds, the small blue light cast peculiar shadows on the walls of Squidward’s bedroom. Eventually, after thirty minutes of tossing and turning, the cephalopod grabbed his phone to shove it inside the nightstand -- when he caught a glimpse of the screen itself.

43 missed calls. 37 unread text messages. All from “SpongeBrat” Squarepants.

The phone rang again. This time, Squidward picked up.

“Spongebob, do you have any idea what time it is?” snapped Squidward, despite the uncomfortable, worried feeling growing in his stomach. “No? Well, I’ll tell you -- it is two-forty-seven --”

“I-I know, Squidward,” came a small, shaking Spongebob-voice. “I just -- I didn’t know what to do.”

Squidward paused. Well, that was … not the regular Spongebob volume. Or tone. Or pitch.

“Squ -- Squidward?” came the sponge’s soft, sad voice once more. The frycook’s voice was barely audible. There was some sort of loud, constant whooshing happening on the other end, not to mention a weird crackling noise, which made it very difficult to hear. Squidward sighed, wiping a tentacle across his eyes.

“I’m here,” said Squidward. “What’s this about, Spongebob?”

Silence. Then, crying -- and not Spongebob’s usual loud, obnoxious crying. This crying was quiet and gentle, barely decipherable against the loud whooshing on the other end of the line. Squidward sat up then, pressing the phone close to his ear.

“Sponge,” said Squidward, panic rising in his chest. “Sponge, what’s wrong?”

Spongebob sobbed something indiscernible. Then, he stammered, “I’m -- I’m hurt, Squidward. I’m hurt, and … I’m lost.”

Something funny exploded in Squidward’s chest. Before he knew it, the octopus was out of bed, scrambling for his jacket and keys. Gripping his shell phone tight, Squidward asked, “Where are you? What’s going on, Spongebob?”

On the other end of the line, Spongebob snuffled. “I got on the wrong bus,” he explained, in a shaky, uneven voice. “I -- I’m in a place called ‘Deviltown’ now, and the current is so strong, and the signal is pretty bad --” There was that distorted, crackling sound again -- followed by a few more broken whimpers.

Squidward sighed, feeling his hearts crack with every little sob. “Hey, everything’s going to be fine,” he said, stepping out the door and into the cool Bikini Bottom night. “Stay where you are. I’m on my way.”

-0-

Deviltown, it turned out, was several hours away from Bikini Bottom. Squidward’s shell phone indicated the drive not only went straight, but downward -- which was certainly a problem. Oceanic towns grew more and more dangerous the deeper you went, and Deviltown was apparently thousands of nautical leagues under the sea. Wherever Spongebob was, even the sun couldn’t reach him.

Undeterred, Squidward set off on his journey. His boat was constantly maintained, so the cephalopod was certain it could handle the perilous road ahead.

For the first hour or so, the drive was uneventful -- peaceful, even. The streets were smooth and well taken care of, which was good considering the massive tax hike this past year. Squidward even put on some Kelpy G, which certainly helped to soothe his nerves.

Later on, however, the drive got worse. The once well-maintained roads gave way to rickety rocks and slippery sand, with only a few sporadic road signs to get by. Moonlight became sparse, and by the time Squidward reached a vertical road, he had his brights all the way up -- and was still struggling to see.

A nearby rickety sign read “Deviltown, 10 nautical miles downward.” Peering down into the deep abyss, Squidward gulped. Despite his headlights, he still couldn’t see a thing -- just a vast expanse of open blackness.

A tight feeling wound itself around Squidward’s chest. He thought about backing up, turning around, and going straight home. This was ridiculous. Why was he out here, in the wee hours of the morning, chasing after SpongeBrat Squarepants, of all people? The boy had other friends. Certainly one of them would be willing to retrieve him.

Squidward’s tentacle hovered just over the gear stick. That’s when he saw it: in his passenger seat lay Spongebob’s wrinkled little jacket. The sponge must have left it behind the other day, when Squidward (begrudgingly) drove them both home from work.

Squidward’s chest felt hollow, suddenly. He thought of how many times he’d seen Spongebob in that exact jacket over the years.

He thought of never seeing him in that jacket ever again.

Groaning, the octopus switched gears from “Drive” to “Drive, But Downward”, and puttered his way into the deep and black abyss.

-0-

The journey into the inky black was, bar none, one of the creepiest things Squidward had ever experienced. He told himself, repeatedly, that if he just stared straight ahead and focused on the task at hand, then everything would be fine. Still, hearing creepy noises in the darkness (and being unable to see where they came from) was severely unsettling.

After what felt like forever, the vertical road became horizontal once again, and Squidward finally drove into Deviltown. Luckily, the town had the decency to set up some lamp posts, possibly for out-of-towners like Squidward who were unused to the darkness. Still, the lamp posts were few and far between, and there was nobody out and about, giving Deviltown a fittingly creepy vibe nonetheless.

Tense, cold, and worried, Squidward drove further into town, squinting for Spongebob’s bright yellow body. Surely the boy couldn’t be that hard to spot -- he was likely the only vibrant thing down here. Surely --

Oh. Oh, no.

Squidward brought his boat careening to a stop. Clambering out of it, the octopus made his way over to a rickety wooden bus stop, with a flickering lamp post just overhead. On a bench nearby was none other than Spongebob Squarepants: cold, alone, and unconscious. For a moment, a horrible thought passed through Squidward’s head -- is he dead? -- before he saw the sponge’s chest rise and fall, taking slow and steady breaths.

Breathing a huge sigh of relief, Squidward looked up and down the street. No one in sight.

Gently, the octopus leaned down and shook Spongebob lightly. “Hey,” said Squidward, awkwardly. “What are you doing asleep all the way out here? We have work tomorrow, you know.”

Spongebob stirred. In the dim light, Squidward realized the sponge really was hurt -- his usually spiffy shirt and tie were ripped straight down the middle. Beyond the fabric, the sponge’s chest was badly torn up, too, and for some reason, he had not regenerated yet.

Squidward swallowed. “Spongebob?”

The sponge stirred once more. This time, his eyes opened -- and he smiled, weakly. “Squidward,” he slurred, happily. He tried to laugh, then winced, clutching at his stomach and chest. “Squidward, it’s you … you came … ”

“Of course I came,” muttered Squidward, before he could stop himself. “I -- you … ugh, I hate you.”

Scooping up Spongebob, Squidward gently carried him over to the boat, positioning him carefully in the passenger’s seat. The sponge fussed a little about being buckled in, but otherwise, seemed too out of it to complain properly. Taking a deep breath, Squidward got back behind the wheel and started the engine.

“Heheh,” chuckled Spongebob as the boat roared to life. “Vroom-vroom.”

Squidward rolled his eyes and began turning the boat around, back towards Bikini Bottom. “We’re going home now,” he said, with a sigh. “You need to see a doctor for … whatever it was that happened to you.”

Spongebob simply nodded, then fell to his side, leaning all of his body weight on Squidward as he drove. The octopus felt warmth rising to his cheeks, and for once felt grateful for the murky blackness of the ocean void.

Spongebob was mumbling something.

“What is it?” said Squidward. “Are you okay?”

“I …uh … love you, Squidward,” said Spongebob, in a very loopy voice. “I love your big nose, and your paintings, and I wanna … get married, someday. Okay? Can we get married, someday?”

Squidward’s entire face was bright red now. It took everything in him not to just veer in a random direction and crash the entire damn boat. Taking a deep breath, the octopus collected himself. Spongebob was just severely injured, and loopy as a result. He didn’t really mean any of this.

Squidward decided to play along. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, we can get married.”

“Mm,” said Spongebob, chuckling softly. “Can I -- can I wear a dress?”

“Sure,” said Squidward. “Whatever you want.”

“And you’ll … and you’ll kiss me?”

“Mhm,” mumbled Squidward.

“And I can … listen to you play the clarinet around the house … and, and paint with you … and watch your soaps with … you … ”

Squidward looked over. The sponge had fallen asleep, and was snoring loudly. Which was … good. Very good. Excellent, even. That way, they couldn’t talk about marriage or love or any of that absolute nonsense. Now they could just drive forward in sweet silence.

Still, Squidward found himself dwelling over Spongebob’s words far more than he would have liked.

About an hour into the drive home, the octopus glanced over at the sponge, still fast asleep beside him. Fixing his gaze forward, Squidward took a deep breath, clutching the steering wheel in a tight death-grip.

“Spongebob, I …,” Squidward began, shakily. “I love you. I love you, I love you.”

Squidward found that once he started saying it, he couldn’t stop. The words felt good in his mouth, like a massive weight had finally been lifted off his chest.

“I love everything about you,” said Squidward, his three hearts exploding inside his chest. “Your annoying laugh, your stupid singing, all of it. I want to read with you, and garden with you.”

Squidward hesitated, his words floating out into the open water.

“I love you,” said Squidward, one last time. “And I … I don’t know what to do about it. Maybe I’m a coward. I’m sorry.”

Squidward looked over. Spongebob was still fast asleep, snoring away against his arm -- but the smallest of smiles had appeared on his face.

-0-

Squidward woke up in the hospital, seated in a chair next to Spongebob’s hospital bed. The poriferan was wide awake, watching an episode of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy on the hospital television. Of course.

The sponge turned. “Squidward!” he exclaimed, his voice loud and back to normal. “You’re awake!”

“Unfortunately,” muttered the octopus. “How are you feeling?”

“Great!” chirped Spongebob. “Better than ever, actually -- but the doc says I should stick around for a little while, just in case.”

Squidward glanced down. Sure enough, Spongebob’s chest had almost fully regenerated. Thank Neptune. When they arrived at the Bikini Bottom General Hospital early that morning, Spongebob was still in rough shape. The doctor said Spongebob most likely had a run-in with a deep-sea predator, and the attack was too quick and too constant for the poriferan to regenerate. Not to mention there were several lacerations to his vital organs.

Still, sponges were pretty sturdy folk -- and all Spongebob really needed was a long rest in a controlled environment.

Squidward breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Great,” he said, awkwardly. “I, uh. Pay attention next time you get on the bus, alright? So I don’t have to come running after you.”

Spongebob laughed. “Okey-doke.”

The two then sat together in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time. All the while, Squidward wondered if perhaps his stupid, impulsive, not-really-a-love-confession-confession had actually gotten through to Spongebob. His hearts twisted up at just the thought.

“Hey, Squidward?”

The octopus looked up, and was very surprised to find splotches of red decorating the sponge’s cheeks.

“What?” said Squidward.

“My, uh, sea flowers have been dying lately,” said the sponge, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “Maybe you could come by and we could share some gardening tips?”

A brilliant red blush planted itself on Squidward’s face. Then, he cleared his throat, and folded his arms across his chest. “Only if we get to watch a soap afterwards.”

Spongebob grinned. “Deal.”

Squidward found himself grinning, too, despite himself. “Deal.”

References:

“Deviltown” is loosely based off of the Devil Sea, near the Japanese coast.

I will likely be compiling these ficlets into one combined fic on ao3. I originally wasn't going to, but I definitely didn't expect so many requests. So keep an eye out for that, at some point.

#squidbob #spongebob squarepants #squidward tentacles #spongebob #squidward #spongeward #my fics #ask #asks #sunlit-squid

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willowbird · 4 years ago

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Congrats!! If you want, how about the first time Ronan sleeps over at St. Agnes? Like the pining!!

Yay! I was SO EXCITED to get a Ronan/Adam ask!! I may have gone a little overboard with the pining, but I hope you still like it <3 <3 This is actually my first Pynch ficlet! I hope you like it! Lemme know if you think I should post it on AO3 ^^; Since it’s my first time actually writing them and I haven’t read the books as many times as I’ve read AFTG I hope it’s okay!

-----

Ronan bounced the rubber ball against the sloped ceiling from where he lay on Adam’s bed, waiting for the other boy to get out of the shower. He’d been out, just driving around with no discernable purpose or direction, when it came around that time for Parrish to get out of work so he’d swung by and picked him up. There’d been no reason to say no when Adam had asked if he wanted to come up for a while. After all, he and Adam were friends -- no matter how much they seemed to bicker -- and Ronan liked being at St. Agnes. Sometimes, it was honestly more satisfying to be there than it was to be at Monmouth. Nothing beat being at the Barnes, but still -- St. Agness had a particular energy, it always had.

After all, Ronan Lynch was no stranger to St. Agnes. The hours he’d spent in the quiet pews could stack together to build a universe apart from the rest of the world, a separate realm that even the horrors inside his own mind couldn’t touch. And yet, since Adam came to live there, the hallowed halls of that familiar place had developed a completely new,,, feeling that Ronan had no idea how to feel about.

A part of Ronan wanted to be pissed off about it.

A bigger part of Ronan was fascinated in the way that the travelers in his father’s stories had always been fascinated by the glow of will-o’-the-wisps between the branches of the deep woods and frosted bogs. The peace that the church had once given him was spiked with something else now, something that fizzed like pop-rocks under his skin, and as annoying as that was -- he really couldn’t say that he hated it.

Considering he knew that the fizz of... enchantment was most definitely caused by the boy now living in that small, slanted room above the church? No, he really couldn’t say that he hated it at all.

Not to say that Adam I’ll-be-independent-if-it-kills-me Parrish didn’t make him want to punch his fist through a fucking brick wall -- because he absolutely did. But there was also something... undeniably right about the boy taking up residence above the church. After all, the infuriating pest already lived full time inside his head, he might as well sleep in the building that housed Ronan’s soul as well. At least he was fucking consistent.

The shabby door connecting the bedroom to the tiny bathroom creaked open and Ronan caught the ball on its rebound and didn’t throw it again, instead turning his head to look as Adam entered the room.

He did not expect to see Adam walk into the bedroom in nothing but a towel and instantly looked back up at the ceiling, throwing the ball again with a bit more force than necessary. Only his quick reflexes saved him from losing a fucking eye. He tried not to think about the way the other boy’s skin had been flushed pink from the heat of the shower, his hair damp and pushed haphazardly back from his face, exposing cheekbones and eyes that...

Okay, he tried -- that didn’t mean he succeeded.

“Sorry, it’ll just be a minute. I forgot to grab something to change into.” Adam’s voice was soft, lilted with the Henrietta accent in the way that only happened when he was either really emotional or perfectly at ease. Ronan would never tell him how much he loved hearing the edge of gravel and wild country grass around his vowels, not on pain of death, but that didn’t make it any less true.

“Take your time, Parrish. I don’t fucking care.” No one needed to know that the sigh that followed was relief at how nonchalant he had managed to make the words, instead of the dry irritation it sounded like.

Adam huffed a soft laugh and Ronan could feel the eye-roll being directed at him. He didn’t bother to hide his grin, just gave it a bit more teeth as he tossed the ball up and caught it again.

It was only another few minutes before the door creaked open again and Adam came out -- this time fully clothed. Ronan caught the ball and sat up, scooting over so that Adam could come over and sit down, which the other boy did with a flourish and a groan.

“Ugh, I just do not wanna do homework.”

“Then don’t.” Ronan shrugged and bounced the ball on the floor this time, angling it slightly so that when it rebounded it went toward Adam.

Adam caught it easily and bounced it back, timed perfectly with a familiar scoff. “Some of us care about school, you know.” Ronan waited for a beat, but when Adam didn’t follow that up with chastisement or prod for him to start caring about school, he gave a small shrug.

“Sure, but tomorrow is Saturday. It isn’t like you’ve got anything due tomorrow. You just got off work, learn how to fucking relax.” He caught the ball and held it for a moment, tilting his head back as he mimicked a thoughtful expression. “Oh, oh that’s right, you don’t know how to relax.” He gave a deep, mournful sigh and bounced the ball back at him. “Shame, for man so smart to be missing such a vital real-life skill.”

“Ha ha, you’re hilarious,” Adam sniped back, but his words were sharpened more with amusement than irritation.

“Oh, I know. I’m a regular comedy special,” Ronan agreed readily. “But that, actually, was not a joke.” He could press here. He could remind Adam that his whole world didn’t need to be as rigid as he was making it to be. He could tell him that he could afford to take a break every now and then, that he deserved to chill the fuck out. But if he did that he risked sounding too much like Gansey or repeating an argument that neither of them probably felt like jumping into tonight. So instead, he caught the ball and cocked his head, studying the other boy curiously.

Then he asked, “Where would you go? If you could go anywhere in the world with no consequences. What would you do? And not to accomplish anything great or whatever -- I’m talking just for fun.”

Adam held up his hand for the ball and Ronan tossed it to him. His eyes caught on the way he began to roll it between his palms, those long fingers curling around it, bony wrists twisting to pass it from one hand to the other. Ronan had the sudden urge to brush his lips over the prominent bump in each wrist. Not in a kiss -- but just to feel the protrusion against his mouth.

“That’s pretty broad,” Adam said with a hum, oblivious to his distraction. “There’s a lot of places I could go.”

“That’s the point. There’s no consequences, no limits. You could go anywhere.” He dragged his gaze away from those hands but this time they caught on the exposed bit of Adam’s collarbone on the way up to his face. “So pick a place, Parrish. Never known you to be so indecisive.”

Adam’s eyes dropped from where they’d been thoughtfully searching the ceiling, locking onto his as he flashed a sharp smirk. That expression cut him right between the ribs, twisted, and nestled in nice and deep for the winter -- because this, this was the Adam Parrish he couldn’t stop thinking about. Everyone seemed to underestimate him. Everyone thought he was so soft, thought he was so polite and sweet and yeah sure, he was all of those things, but that was only one part of him. It was just the surface setting to the multiverse that was Adam Parrish, and this sharp, biting, cunning side of him was closer to his core. Ronan knew he was one of the only people who knew that side was there, and was probably the only person who truly understood how much a part of him that facet was.

“All right,” he said, his voice smooth and low and Ronan had the distinct certainty that if that sound were a drink it would be a spiked mulled cider, husky and tart in a way that made your head light and your chest warm. “I’ll play. But you go first. Where would you go? Somewhere outside of the States,” he added, before Ronan could say the Barnes -- because he was apparently that predictable.

Ronan rolled his eyes, but shrugged and slipped off the bed, laying on the floor beside the bed and pillowing his hands under his head as he thought. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Adam stretch out on the bed on his stomach, hugging a pillow and using it to prop his head up a bit as he looked down at Ronan. The feel of Adam’s full and undivided attention on him did things to his pulse he didn’t want to think about.

“Probably Ireland,” he finally said after a long moment of thought that was torn up and distributed between flickers of distraction caused by Adam’s silhouette in his peripheral, from the way his damp hair was falling into his eyes now that it was beginning to dry all the way to the slump of his broad shoulders and the sharp jut of his elbows against the cushions. There just really wasn’t any part of Adam Parrish that Ronan didn’t want to look at.

A soft huff of laughter had Ronan turning his head to look at him straight on and the amusement on the other boy’s face told him that he was being predictable again. Ronan frowned -- he didn’t like being predictable.

“Don’t give me that look. Tell me why, Ronan Lynch.” There was a teasing note in Adam’s voice, and if it were anyone else that would have brought Ronan’s back up -- would have made him snap his teeth and snarl. Coming from Adam, he had to give himself a moment so he didn’t trip over his own foolish tongue.

Somehow he managed to avoid that humiliation. Instead, he told Adam about Ireland through his father’s eyes. He told himself he didn’t care about the softening of Adam’s smile, that it did absolutely nothing to him to watch the other boy close his eyes and rest his cheek on the pillow, leaving himself vulnerable as he dipped into his own thoughts. Rather, he focused on the stories he was telling Adam, reliving them as he did his best impression of his father’s cadence and storyteller’s hum. He told him stories about the fair folk, the fey and the night creatures. He told him about the magic of each valley and river and dale. He shared his favorite tales about cheeky brownies and powerful, dangerous sidhe that became captivated by the bright, fleeting magic of a human’s ability to create.

Adam listened to each one, and that smile...? It never faded, not even once.

“It’s your turn,” Ronan finally said, when his heart was full and his lungs tight -- torn between the memories caused by those stories and these newer, more electric feelings caused by the proximity of Adam Parrish’s smile.

“Mm, I think... I think that if I were to go anywhere in the world I’d want to see high mountains. High mountains and dark woods. Deep lakes. Flowers that seem to have their own language between the brightness of their colors and the way they sway toward and away from each other in a wind that affects them and them alone. Butterflies that cast shadows like birds of prey...” As he spoke his words drew further and further apart, his tone drifting as fatigue from the long day dragged him down toward sleep.

Ronan held his breath, almost wanting to prod him for more -- because it was rare to hear Adam talk... well, like a dreamer. Adam was a boy who kept himself grounded so deeply in reality it was sometimes painful for Ronan to be around him. This secret side of him, this side of dreams and hope and wonder... it was a vulnerable side that he knew Adam wouldn’t be indulging in if he weren’t perfectly comfortable and probably way more tired than he’d originally thought he was. It was a side of him that Ronan had always known existed (you couldn’t chase a dead Welsh king without being at least part whimsy, no matter how charismatic Gansey was) but one that Adam kept very close to the chest.

“Mm... Ronan?” Adam’s voice was soft and sleep-slurred, his eyelashes shielding the color of his eyes, he was barely able to keep them open.

“Yeah?” Ronan’s voice was rough, even to his own ears, but Adam didn’t seem to notice.

“Do you think a place like that actually exists?” The question was light, but there was a raw, sweet shard of hope beneath the words that cut Ronan in a tender space below his throat.

“Yes,” Ronan promised with certainty, not even needing to think about it -- not even needing to question it. “I know it does.”

Adam’s eyes dropped all the way closed and he smiled, sighing in relief. That sigh transitioned directly into the deep, slow breaths of sleep.

Ronan knew that he should get up. Sleeping on the floor would give him one hell of a backache, and Adam hadn’t said he could stay over. He should get up and stretch, then drive back to Monmouth, where he should crawl into his own bed for the night -- or maybe stay up longer and bother Gansey, because fuck knew that guy didn’t understand the concept of a regulated sleeping schedule.

Instead, Ronan watched Adam until his own eyes just couldn’t stay open any longer. Then, from the floor of St. Agnes, beside the boy who called to him like a fire-sprite, Ronan dreamed. He dreamed of dark woods and flowers that seemed to have their own language, between their bright colors and the way they swayed in their own self-contained breezes. He dreamed of butterflies that cast shadows like birds of prey. He dreamed of safe places even in the dark woods -- and when Ronan dreamed... well, when Ronan dreamed, reality itself seemed to listen.

#asks #anon #trc #pynch #pynch fic #fanfic #adam parrish #ronan lynch #pining #trc fanfic #adam parrish x ronan lynch #sleepovers!#my writing #100 followers #the raven cycle

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massivedrickhead · 4 years ago

Note

could you write maybe something about beca and chloe at a farmer's market at their first christmas together as a couple starting up new traditions? like getting hot chocolate, picking ornaments and a tree, stuff like that

Naturally I couldn’t write just normal Christmas fluff, I had to add a bit of angsty hurt/comfort in there. So, trigger warning: alcoholism is mentioned.

Read on AO3

Saturday mornings were Beca’s favourite time of the week for two reasons.

One, she got to sleep through them, catching up on all the sleep she’d lost through the week.

Two, she got to sleep through them with Chloe.

Chloe, the perpetual early bird, the seizer of every moment, had finally relented and given Beca this one lazy morning.

(Beca had tried to get Sunday morning too, but Chloe said she was pushing it.)

So on Saturdays they lay warm and comfortable, wrapped in each others arms, under layers of blankets because they couldn’t keep the heating 24 hours a day, and New York winters were cold.

They’d sleep late, waking up every few hours to exchange lazy kisses, before falling asleep again, eventually waking up to eat a late breakfast (read: lunch).

Except this Saturday was different.

Chloe was tugging the blankets away from Beca, or trying to at least, and telling her to get up and shower or they’d be late.

“Late for what?” Beca mumbled, her grip on the blankets surprisingly strong for 8 am.

“The Christmas market!”

“It is November 28th,” Beca said, incredulously, finally giving up and allowing Chloe to whip the blankets away.

“Exactly! So we need to go buy our decorations if we’re gonna stick to our plan!”

Beca sat up, brows furrowed, hair sticking up at every possible angle.

“I knew that plan would come back to bite me.”

“Come on, up! Up! Up!” Chloe said, each up punctuated by a clap of her hands.

Begrudgingly Beca climbed out of the safety and warmth of bed and made the quick cold dash to the shower. She felt herself relax as the hot water came sputtering out of the shower head and chased away the cold of their bathroom.

Their plan - or Beca and Chloe’s awesome best Christmas ever, as Chloe had dubbed it - had been finalised only a few days before.

It was their first real Christmas living together as a couple that would be spent just the two of them.

Chloe’s mom had video called her and said that as all her kids were grown up now, her and Chloe’s dad would be going on vacation for Christmas from now on.

Chloe had pouted and pleaded but her mom’s mind was made up. She said they had to start making new traditions now that they were getting older, and Chloe should do the same.

Chloe was still miserable when Beca had gotten home from work late that night.

“You know, we could start making our own traditions,” Beca said, trying to coax Chloe out of her bad mood. “That’s the fun part about growing up, right? When you’re a kid you just do what you’ve always done, but when you grow up and you start your new family, you get to try new things. Mix things up a bit. Create new traditions that you get to pass on.”

“I guess,” Chloe mumbled, allowing Beca to put an arm around her and squeeze her into a side hug.

“Come on,” Beca said, squeezing again, “let’s think of some things we can do.”

And so they spent the next hour making their plan.

“The Christmas decorations go up the first weekend in December,” Chloe said, writing the first part of their plan. “So we should buy decorations soon.”

“Okay,” Beca said. “But no lights that make noise or dancing Santas or anything.”

“Agreed,” Chloe said. “How do you feel about flashing lights?” Beca pulled a face. “Me too.”

“Christmas Eve we get take-out,” Beca said, realising this was her only Christmas tradition she wanted to carry over. “Chinese.”

“Sure,” Chloe said. “But you’re skipping ahead. We have a lot of December to fill. Christmas movies every weekend until Christmas Day.”

“Christmas movie,” Beca said. “You get one per weekend.”

“Two,” Chloe said, grinning, knowing she would win any negotiation.

“Fine. One on Saturday, one on Sunday,” Beca said.

“Deal,” Chloe said. “Naturally Christmas music while we decorate.”

“Naturally,” Beca said. “But no Glee cover versions.”

“But-”

“No.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“Christmas sweaters?”

“Sure.”

“Matching?”

“Absolutely not.”

It carried on like that until they had their December planned out. And Beca wouldn’t admit it, but she was actually kind of excited about their first solo Christmas. They had spent last year with Chloe’s family, and the year before they hadn’t been dating so while Chloe had gone home, Beca had hung around in New York with anyone she could find who was still in town.

She’d had no desire to go back to her home town for Christmas for a long time now.

So she was excited to have Christmas plans that she could look forward to.

That was until Chloe had woken her up at 8 am on a Saturday so she could drag her around a Christmas market in New York.

“Is it gonna be crowded?” Beca asked, gratefully accepting a cup of coffee from Chloe as she left their bedroom, now fully dressed.

“Maybe,” Chloe said. “If we get there early enough it shouldn’t be too bad. Plus it’s not even December yet. I think it’ll get busier the longer we leave it.”

“Maybe next year we should do our Christmas shopping in June,” Beca said.

“I know you’re kidding but I promise you my Aunt Cheryl was fully wrapped by August,” Chloe said. “Anyway, don’t worry about the crowds. I’ll make sure you don’t get lost.”

“Okay, take it easy, you’re like an inch taller than me,” Beca said, rolling her eyes.

“If you say so,” Chloe said. “Okay, it opens soon, are you ready to go?”

They left their apartment, made the short but freezing walk to the subway, and about half an hour later they reached their stop.

“Hot chocolate?” Chloe asked, taking holding of Beca’s hand and pulling her towards where the market was set up.

“Good idea,” Beca said, shivering, her breath coming out in white clouds.

Beca looked around while Chloe ordered their drinks. It wasn’t too busy yet, she was glad to see, but she knew it was only likely to stay that way for another few hours. She hoped she’d be back in their apartment by lunch, but Chloe likely had other ideas.

“Here you go,” Chloe said, handing over a cup. “So, where first?”

“Lead the way,” Beca said, gesturing towards the many stalls laid out in front of them.

They spent the next few hours weaving through the crowds as they looked at every stall. Chloe bought them almost matching Christmas sweaters - one for Chloe reading ‘I’m on the nice list’ and one for Beca which said ‘I’m on the naughty list’ - to which Beca had tried to protest.

“Are you telling me you’ve been a good girl this year, Beca? After the noises you made last night?” Chloe asked with a wink, causing Beca to blush furiously and stop complaining.

“I’m not wearing it in public,” Beca muttered.

“Duh, they’re for Christmas Day,” Chloe had replied, pulling her towards another stall that sold Christmas tree ornaments.

Chloe picked up some generic baubles, as well as some that seemed more personal to her. She grabbed a dog, a treble clef, and a teacup.

“Spotted any that speak to you?” Chloe asked.

Beca shrugged, but her eyes were fixed on what looked like a little ornament of a carton of Chinese takeout.

“This one?” Chloe asked.

Beca cleared her throat. “Yeah,” she said, trying to avoid Chloe’s eyes as she picked it up.

“What about the red panda?”

“Oh I didn’t even see him!” Beca said, almost squealing.

“Get the guitar too,” Chloe said, laughing at Beca’s reaction. “Then we have three each.”

“Okay,” Beca said. “I’ll get these, you bought the sweaters. Do you wanna get a star?”

“My Mom is gonna send our old one with some other bits, if that’s okay?”

“Fine with me,” Beca said before she paid and they carried on walking, Chloe’s hand never leaving hers the entire time.

Chloe bought them some lunch once they reached what seemed to be the end of the first half of the market. They still had to walk down the other side so Beca was predicting they’d be here another hour at least.

“Doing okay?” Chloe asked, knowing how much Beca hated crowds.

Beca nodded, loosening the scarf around her neck as they sat at one of the picnic tables set out by the food stalls.”How much longer?”

“We can stop whenever you want, Becs, you know that right?” Chloe asked, looking at her with concern filled eyes.

“I know,” Beca said, smiling, waiting for her Mac and Cheese to cool. “I was just wondering.”

Chloe pulled up the list on her phone and started ticking things off.

“It looks like we’ve got everything we came for. We can head back now if you want?”

“You wanna see the rest though, right?” Beca asked.

“Well, yeah, but I can come back another time.” Chloe said.

Beca shook her head. “I’m good. We can see the rest. Just promise I won’t have to move out of bed until at least noon tomorrow.”

“And that’s different from how you normally spend your Sunday?”

“Sorry, I should have clarified, you’ll need to stay in bed with me.”

“I guess I can agree to that,” Chloe said.

It was a week later and Chloe was dragging their newly purchased tree into their living room, close to the window so it could be seen from outside.

She was wearing a Santa hat, had tinsel wrapped around her neck like a scarf, and was singing along to their Christmas playlist.

Beca was sitting on the arm of the sofa, getting seemingly more and more frustrated as she tried to untangle the lights.

“These are brand-new lights,” Beca muttered. “How are they already tangled?”

“Give them here,” Chloe said. “You just don’t have the magic touch.”

“That’s not what you said last night.”

“Very funny,” Chloe said, holding out her hands for the lights.

Beca handed them over but before she could say anything else, she was cut off by her phone buzzing in her pocket. She pulled it out and sighed, lowering the volume on the music.

“It’s my Mom,” she said, pressing the green button and moving out of the living room and towards the bedroom. “Hey mom.”

Chloe frowned and bit her lip, wondering if she should continue.

This was something they should be doing together, but she also knew Beca usually ended up in a crappy mood after she spoke to her Mom.

Their relationship had been strained for as long as Chloe had known Beca, but she never really found out much about it. Beca didn’t speak about her much, and always clammed up whenever Chloe would ask, even now.

Chloe focused on detangling the lights, but decided she wouldn’t do any of the actual decorating until Beca came back.

It was almost an hour later when Beca came out of their bedroom and dropped onto the sofa beside Chloe.

��You okay?” Chloe asked, looking up from her phone.

Beca gave a non-committal grunt and turned to look at the tree. “You didn’t make much progress. Couldn’t untangle the lights?”

“Please, I did that in like 5 minutes. I wanted to wait for you.”

“I’m sorry,” Beca said, running a hand through her hair. “I didn’t mean to take that long but…” Beca shook her head as she trailed off. “It doesn’t matter.” She pulled out her phone and restarted their playlist which had ended while Beca had been talking to her Mom. “Ready to carry on?”

Chloe smiled and nodded, and the two returned to their tree.

When it was decorated with a combination of the new stuff they had bought together, and the old stuff Chloe’s Mom had sent they both stood for a minute, smiling at their handiwork. Chloe’s arms came to wrap around Beca’s waist, her chin resting on Beca’s shoulder.

“I love it,” Chloe said, giving Beca a squeeze and kissing the side of her neck.

“Me too,” Beca said.

The soft white lights wrapped around the tree glowed with warmth against the now dark sky, the streetlights below barely reaching the window of their apartment.

It filled Beca with a feeling of cosiness and contentment that she didn’t usually associate with this time of year. Or any time of year for that matter.

“You know, if you wanted to talk about stuff with your Mom you can?” Chloe said, cautiously, feeling Beca tense beneath her arms.

“I’m good,” Beca said. “What movie are we watching?”

“Elf,” Chloe said, squeezing Beca even tighter.

Two weeks later, Chloe woke up in the middle of the night freezing cold and instinctively reached out for Beca. When her hand met cold sheets instead of Beca’s warm body, she opened her eyes, frowning.

It was then she realised she could hear Beca’s voice coming from the next room. She checked her phone and saw it was almost 2 am.

Frowning, she stepped out of bed and into the living room, pulling on her robe as she went.

“Mom, I can’t have this conversation with you again,” Beca said, pinching the bridge of her nose as she paced the living room. “I’m not in Barden anymore, Mom, I can’t just come over. We’ve been through this, I’m in New York.”

Chloe watched as Beca traced one of the ornaments on their now dark tree with her finger.

“Look, I’m gonna go, okay? It’s late. Yeah. Yeah I know.”

Chloe heard Beca suck in a breath the way she always did when she was trying not to cry.

“I love you too,” Beca said, her voice breaking. She swallowed hard, forcing her voice to stay steady. “I’m gonna call Grandma tomorrow, okay? She can check on you.”

When she ended the call she jumped as she felt Chloe’s arms wrap around her, but she soon relaxed into her. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” Chloe said. She tugged Beca’s hand and pulled her towards the window. “Look, it’s snowing.”

They sat on the floor, the Chloe’s back against the wall, Beca’s back against Chloe’s front, and they looked looked out the window, watching the snow drift down, turning yellow as it fell under the light of the streetlights.

They were quiet for a while until Beca finally spoke.

“She’s drinking again,” Beca said, tapping her phone against her leg. “She’s been calling more and more. Wanting me to go over. She… She’s always had trouble with her short term memory, and it only gets worse when she drinks. She thinks I’m still in Georgia.”

“I’m sorry Becs,” Chloe said. “It must be hard being away from her at times like this.”

Beca sniffed and rested a hand on Chloe’s leg, her thumb brushing against the soft fabric of her pyjamas. “Does it make me a shitty person if I say I’m glad I’m not in Georgia right now?”

“No,” Chloe said. “Of course not.”

“I don’t… I don’t like seeing her like this. It just… It reminds me of being a kid, a while after after they got divorced but before my Mom lost custody. She drank a lot then. Sometimes it was kinda fun. She’d let me skip school and we’d go on these adventures together or we’d stay up late eating pizza and playing video games. And then… It was like flipping a switch. She’d just… change. She used to scare me.”

Chloe’s grip tightened around Beca’s waist, and she pressed her lips into the back of her head.

“She knows I’ll only visit when she’s sober. And maybe that makes me selfish. I know I should be there when she needs me. She’s my Mom. I love her,” Beca said, cutting herself off as her voice broke again.

“I know,” Chloe said, softly, pulling her closer. “You’re allowed to put yourself first. You shouldn’t go back to an environment that’s bad for you. And you’re the least selfish person I know. I love you, so so much.”

“I love you too,” Beca said, wiping her eyes as they continued to watch the snow which had only gotten heavier. “It wasn’t all bad,” Beca said, after a while. “Before she started really drinking, we had some good times together, just the two of us. For years. Christmas Eve was always my favourite day of the year.”

“Chinese takeout?”

“Yeah,” Beca said with a small laugh. “She’d order my favourite and we’d have like a slumber party in the living room, watching movies and drinking hot chocolate. She said if I could stay awake until midnight, I’d be allowed to open one present. I never made it,” Beca said, smiling at the memory. “Even when things were really bad, when her drinking was at its worst, that was the one day that would always be good. Christmas wasn’t really the same when I had to move in with my Dad and Sheila. He tried but I guess I was just too angry and closed off by then.” Beca turned to face Chloe now. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For giving me a proper Christmas. For giving me new traditions and letting me reconnect with old ones. For being you.” She leaned forward to kiss her, and Chloe knelt up to meet her halfway.

“Chlo’ if I’m out of scotch tape can I use masking tape?” Beca called from the bedroom, two days before Christmas.

“No,” Chloe called back from the living room. Beca’s last present for Chloe had finally arrived, so she had spent the last few hours locked in their bedroom wrapping presents.

“I have more clear tape,” Chloe said, rummaging in a kitchen drawer until she found some.

“Don’t come in!” Beca said, in a panicked voice. She opened the door and quickly closed it behind her.

“Here,” Chloe said. “Are you gonna be much longer? I’m bored.”

“Almost done,” Beca said, returning to their bedroom and shutting the door.

“Here you go,” Chloe said, handing Beca her container of take-out Chinese and a pair of chopsticks.

“Thank you,” Beca said, grinning as she dug in. Chloe set two mugs of hot chocolate down on the coffee table, and pressed play on Netflix.

“Thank you for tolerating all my movies this month,” Chloe said, smiling as the opening music for Home Alone played.

“This one gets a free pass. It’s a classic.”

“I agree.”

“So,” Beca said, swallowing a mouthful of orange chicken. “If I stay up until midnight do I get to open a present early?”

“Sure,” Chloe said, grinning. “But you’ve been yawning since 6:30, I don’t think you’re gonna make it.”

To her credit, Beca lasted until 10:30 pm, falling asleep with 20 minutes to go in Home Alone 2.

When Chloe switched the movie off, the only light in the room was coming from the tree and the string of fairy lights around their window. She thought that Beca looked beautiful in the soft glow of the lights, her face relaxed and free of the stress she had been carrying around the last few weeks.

Still, she was a little disappointed she hadn’t made it until midnight, there was one gift she had wanted to give her tonight.

The next morning, Chloe tried to coax Beca out of bed at 7 am, with promises of coffee and pancakes for breakfast, but Beca would not budge.

“But it’s Christmas morning,” Chloe pouted.

“It’ll still be Christmas morning in an hour,” Beca mumbled, tugging Chloe back to bed, and curling around her to stop her moving again. “You don’t need to be up so early, you’re not 6.”

“And you don’t need to sleep all morning, you’re not 15.”

“Touche,” Beca mumbled. “Merry Christmas by the way.”

“Merry Christmas,” Chloe said, grinning.

After another 40 minutes of dosing in bed, Beca finally let Chloe drag her up.

They ate breakfast in their Christmas pyjamas, and then, at Chloe’s request, they got dressed in their almost-matching sweaters and took a selfie in front of their tree.

As they exchanged gifts, they both got increasingly more nervous. Something neither of them realised as they were too preoccupied with their own nerves to be focused on the other person.

“I, um, actually have one more for you,” Beca said, standing. “Two seconds.” She moved into the bedroom.

“Yeah, I do too,” Chloe said, reaching towards the back of the tree where the final present was hidden.

After a few minutes of silence, Beca spoke up from the bedroom.

“Chlo’, can you come in here for a minute?”

Chloe suddenly got a weird feeling in her stomach, and the corners of her mouth twitched into a smile.

“Actually Beca, I kinda need you in here,” Chloe said.

There was a small silence.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“It can’t wait?”

“No.”

Another small silence.

“Meet halfway?” Beca asked.

“Okay,” Chloe said. She stood from where she was in the living room and moved so she was in front of the window.

Beca left the bedroom, something held behind her back, and she walked until she was standing in front of Chloe.

Without a word, they both dropped to one knee.

“Chloe Beale.”

“Rebeca Mitchell.”

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes. Will you marry me?”

“Duh.”

They both laughed and kissed until they had to stop, happy tears streaming down both of their faces.

“I know we haven’t been officially together that long,” Beca said, wiping her eyes as she slid the ring onto Chloe’s finger. “But you’re my soulmate. I don’t ever want to be with anybody else.”

“I love you so much, Beca. I feel like I waited my whole life for you,” Chloe said, sliding the ring onto Beca’s finger. “I want spend the rest of it with you.”

“Best Christmas ever,” Beca said, still laughing and crying.

“Almost as good as the year we got a Wii,” Chloe said, earning a smack on the arm from Beca.

“I love you.”

“Love you more.”

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degenerate-otaku · 3 years ago

Text

free serotonin:

A fluffy fic of Future Gohan helping Trunks go to bed

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13896221/1/Before-the-Rain

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31779091/chapters/82442992

(Just in case u wanna check it out and my other one shots

--------------------------------------------‐-

“It's only 9pm!” Trunks protested, folding his arms.

“Yes, but you have to be up early for training!” Gohan retorted, aiming to convince the stubborn teen to go to sleep.

“But it's a Friday night!” Trunks persistently argued.

“The androids won't care what day it is, you have to train and prepare for the next battle!” Gohan responded, his seriousness causing Trunks to sigh and agree.

“It's been so long since you stayed over.” Trunks smiled, rummaging through his messy wardrobe for suitable pyjamas with no holes in them or stains.

“You should tidy up.” Gohan nagged.

“Hey, you're my cool older brother, not my mom!” Trunks laughed, pulling something out that would keep him warm through the night.

“Y-you think I'm cool?!” Gohan blushed slightly. He didn't expect that.

“Well, duh! You're the Golden Warrior! You save so many people from the androids!” His student grinned, putting the pyjamas on his bed.

“Yeah...but I still can't beat them...” Gohan sighed, sitting down on his bed which was beside Trunks.

“You're the one always telling me to lighten up!” Trunks called out to him from the bathroom, which was close by as he started brushing his teeth.

Trunks walked back in his bedroom, which was a frigid basement used previously for storage that he and his mother had converted into a bedroom over the years, the toothbrush still in his hand.

“I guess...” Gohan smiled softly, glancing at Trunks who leant against the door.

“Besides,” The boy's voice was slightly muffled from the toothpaste, “You always say to have hope! That we'll destroy them someday and bring peace!” Trunks then walked back to rinse out his mouth and wash his face, leaving Gohan to ponder on those words that he had forgotten himself.

“Yeah...thanks, little bro.” Gohan yawned as the teen returned and got changed into his nightclothes, not caring about his master being there who had seen him fully naked several times anyway.

“Those scars healing?” Gohan asked and Trunks checked his arms and thighs, then nodded.

“Good...” Gohan, already in clothes he deemed suitable for sleeping (any clothes that weren't his gi), looked at the pictures on the wall of himself and Trunks from a few years ago, as well as the ones of landscapes and the posters Trunks had hung up from old magazines he found. Gohan thought it appeared rather nice for a basement with no heating or windows.

Trunks was about to lift up the covers of his bed, ignoring his clothes that were strewn across the floor before Gohan interrupted him, asking,

“Did you go use the bathroom? Remember what happened when-”

“YES I WENT! I'M NOT A KID ANYMORE!” Trunks exclaimed, his face red from remembering his past...

..problems.

“Alright, jeez!” Gohan smirked. “How about you turn off the hall light and your lamp if you're so grown-”

“No! It's too dark otherwise!” Trunks refused.

“Riiight.” Gohan teased and his pupil scoffed, getting into his bed, yawning.

Trunks tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, fluffing his pillow and adjusting his sheets.

“Ugh...I hate going to sleep.” He grumbled.

Gohan, who had opted to read before bed, turned to watch him struggle, hiding his laughter.

“Maybe you should read too?” Gohan suggested, holding up his book.

“I'm reading 'The Art of War' by Sun Tzu.”

“That sounds boring.” Trunks rolled his eyes, his head sinking into the pillow.

“Well, why don't you read something you find fun?” Gohan turned the page, ignoring his student's comment regarding the book.

Trunks apprehensively pulled out his favourite book from the side of his bed, hiding the cover from Gohan as he lay reading it in the dim light of the lamp beside him.

He grinned at the pages, feeling warm inside from the words on them.

“What's that?” Gohan asked.

“N-Nothing!” He hid it suddenly under the covers.

“Trunks if its... those kinda magazines, I won't judge or tell-”

“WHAT?!” His face was beet red at such a ludicrous accusation.

“N-no it's nothing like that Gohan, I'm not like Master Roshi!” He denied, still hiding the book.

“Just show me!” Gohan implored, leaning over Trunks' bed, separated from his by the bedside table.

Sheepishly, Trunks held up his favourite book,

“The Prince of the Forbidden Forest”

“Oh...that one.” Gohan wearily smiled at it, taking it in his hands.

“Gosh, I gave this to you so long ago...it really helped me when I was younger so I thought it could help you too.” He ran his finger down the worn spine with a crease down it, eyes scanning the cover.

“Yeah...it did help a lot...still does.” Trunks yawned, laying back down.

“Hey...how about I read it to you, like old times?” Gohan offered, flicking through the pages.

“Gohan, I'm not a baby.” Trunks again refused with the same excuse of no longer being a little kid.

“Well...how about I just read it aloud to myself? You can choose to listen.” The Demi-Saiyan smirked, and Trunks said it was a good idea, also grinning deviously as if being read a story was a crime.

Gohan opened the book, getting to the first chapter and began,

“In a busy city, in a busy country, there was a palace. In the Palace there were busy servants and cooks, with busy guards too.”

Trunks himself was following along without the book in front of him. He was able to visualise, the feel of the page, the layout of the paragraphs, the illustrations, all of it.

“In the top of the Palace Tower was a boy who was doing nothing. He was the Prince.

People moved stuff from his room, hurriedly carrying them down the steps, whilst he stared out the window, rain trickling down the double-glazed panes.”

Trunks felt cosier by the second, pulling the blankets close and turning to the side to watch Gohan, an excellent story teller, expertly bring the words to life.

Trunks especially loved when he did the voices for the magical creatures like the trolls and witches and his falsetto for the fairies, but that would come later on, in chapter 4.

“The Prince wore black ever since his father's funeral. He was only 9 when his father, the King, got ill.”

Gohan paused for a moment after that, but continued, every word drawing Trunks closer to the sweet surrender of sleep.

The bedsheets felt heavier and so did the teen's eyelids.

“When he was younger, the Prince would go with his parents out into the woods, but now it was declared dangerous and no-one dared tread there, for fear of the monsters that would attack the town. The Prince dreamt of the day he would become a strong, brave man like his father and defeat them-”

Gohan stopped to check on Trunks.

The boy had fallen asleep soundly.

“Goodnight, little bro...I love you.” He whispered, putting down the book on the table and switching the lamp off before heading to sleep himself.

'Tomorrow we train to defeat the monsters.'

#dbz #trunks #future trunks #son gohan #gohan #future gohan #dbz fanfiction #fanfiction #fluff #dragon ball z #dragon ball #fanfiction.net #ao3

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namluve · 5 years ago

Text

you had always been a part of the plastics and he was born on the wrong side of town. what happens when your worlds collide, and you realize that he is the only one in your life that’s not fake?

paring: jungkook x reader

genre: 90′s AU, high school AU (both are 18), fwb to lovers, smut, fluff, angst

rating: mature, 18+

warnings: explicit language, jungkook has an alcoholic abusive father, alcohol consumption, switch!jungkook, switch!reader, sub/dom themes, noona kink, protected sex, unprotected sex, fingering, oral f receiving, face sitting, praise, blindfolding, dirty talk, manhandling, slight degradation, miscommunication that leads to lowkey unhealthy relationship

word count: 13k

note: first of all, I would like to thank @spicykoreantatertots for helping me with developing and editing this story. I can’t thank Hannah enough for all her help. secondly, I want to thank @joopiterjoon for always supporting me and helping me, especially with this fic. can’t wait to share the sequel once it’s done as well!

11 November 1991

Walking down the school’s hallway you sigh as you approach your group of friends. The four girls wave at you as you approach them. You smile quickly at them, thinking about the day you would have with them. Talk about boys. Complain about your parents. Discuss the latest fashion and of course, find some kind of way to bully you without it being too obvious. Ask where you found those shoes, if you had any cake for dinner last night and if you actually went through with the workout the five of you were supposed to do. Yep, just another day in your life. Wishing the week could swish by so you could have some alone time by the weekend.

Well, maybe not all alone you think as you see Jungkook leaning against his locker, talking with his two best friends Jimin and Taehyung. Jungkook is a piece of work but at least he is honest with you. All you were to him was a booty call at 1 AM and frankly, you would not have it any other way.

“Oh ‘____’, we were just discussing this week’s exercises. I expect this weekend went well for you since you never reached out to us?” Tiffany chippered and you smiled, you had to play your part.

“It was so much fun! Especially the crunches, they got easier every day!” You exclaim and your group of friends seem happy with your response. The bell rang, thankfully, and the five of you began walking to class. Oh, did you long for college, a way out of this hell hole of a town. Away from the plastic bitches that were supposed to be your friends. The only thing all of you had in common was being the daughters of wealthy families living in the same neighborhood. God, you wish you could just move away from them. Only ten months left and that would be your reality.

“I can’t believe how you go by your days without having an alcohol problem.” You knew exactly what Jungkook was referring to, if anyone hated your friends equally as much as you, it was Jungkook.

“I feel like I’m soon gonna have to start day drinking,” you say, joining Jungkook, leaning against the wall with him. Meeting him outside after school hours was a common thing between the two of you. No one was around, besides the nerds in the library but it was not like they would tell anyone about the two of you meeting.

“Let me know if you do, could need a drink myself,” you always appreciated Jungkook’s honesty, how he never once bullshitted you, no matter how ugly the truth was.

“Your dad?” He nodded at your question, sighing as he extinguished the cigarette in his hand on the wall that his back rested on. He knew he did not have to say anything else. You knew about his abusing father and he appreciated how he never had to explain himself to you. You understood him.

“Isn’t he supposed to go on a business trip this week?” He smiled slightly at you. You had remembered what he said last time the two of you met.

“Yeah… but not until tomorrow. His plane leaves in the evening. So… I wanted to ask you for a favour.” Turning towards you, he leaned against the wall sideways, putting his head against the wall and looking at you with his bunny eyes.

“No. We nearly got caught the last time you spent the night at my place.”

“Come on. I promise we won’t get caught this time either. You weren’t exactly quiet baby, you know?” So… he is trying to pin it on you even though he was the one who started it all? Not on your watch.

“It wasn’t me who couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.”

“Come on baby, I don’t wanna fight. I just want to spend the night at yours.” Stepping in front of you, Jungkook meets your gaze, looking at you lovingly, winning you over more every second. He knew you loved the nickname he had for you. Baby, it rolled so easily off his tongue and he knew the effect it had on you. Taking your hands in his he took a step closer, leaning his forehead against yours.

“I just want to sleep in your bed with you, my arms wrapped around you, your heat warming up my cold body. Your hair sprawled out on your pillow…” as Jungkook softly spoke to you, he gently pushed back your hair behind your ear before continuing, “your face in a pout as you sleep that I always wanna kiss away.”

Jungkook’s words affected you more than you wanted, they always did. He always had you at the palm of his hand, wrapped around his finger.

“Ugh fine, but you have to sing me to sleep.”

Leaning down he kissed you briefly, knowing the two of you were still out in public. “Anything for you.” Jungkook softly murmerd.

Things like this made you wonder if there was something more than just sex between you and Jungkook. The two of you were not really exclusive and you knew he brought home different girls every week while you went on dates with guys your friends set you up with. They rarely led to anything more than that. The few times you had actually slept with them, they were all disappointments, none of them knowing your body like Jungkook did.

In the evening, you tidied up your room, as you waited for Jungkook to arrive. Suddenly, a small stone hit your window and you knew it was Jungkook waiting to be let inside. Opening the window, you saw how Jungkook began climbing up the garage to reach your window. Throwing his backpack inside your room before he climbed in himself you took a moment to really look at him. Hair long and messy, parted in the middle, shoes dirty, brown oversized jacket that he probably got from his father slightly ripped on his left arm. He was not from a family of wealth, unlike you.

“You really have to let me buy you a new jacket.” You sigh as you move over to sit on your bed again, and he laughs.

“Nah, that would be too suspicious. Also, can’t take away all that money that probably needs to go to the latest bags that’ll come out soon.”

Groaning, you put your head back against the bed frame. “Ugh, don’t remind me of next week. Still can’t believe we have to buy matching bags as if we’re fucking ten years old or something.” This was Hanna’s idea and it was probably the stupidest thing to ever come out of her mouth. To be fair though, nothing smart ever came out of it either so.

“I’m just gonna wash up. Then we can go to bed,” Jungkook announced as he took off his jacket and threw it on his bag. He always showered when he came over to yours, never missing the chance to shower in actual hot water with nice soaps and shampoos.

“Don’t take too long.” You say as he brushes past you to go to your bathroom. Having your own bathroom connected to your bedroom was probably the most luxurious thing you had, according to Jungkook.

“Wouldn’t keep my girl waiting.” He said before closing the bathroom door. My girl. It was something that Jungkook had started to call you not long ago. The thing you had going on-- had been going on for over a year-- on and off, but for the last two months the two of you had been meeting every week. Neither of you knew what this meant and did not dwell on it. Enjoying each other’s company was enough for the two of you.

Brushing your hair, you decided to put it up in a scrunchie before laying down on your bed. Shortly after, Jungkook was done with his shower and joined you in bed. Smelling like strawberries he began to quietly hum something in your ear as he drew you closer to him. Your back against his chest, his arms around you. You fell asleep fast that night, feeling safe in Jungkook’s arms. He waited until you had fallen asleep to admire your features once more before falling asleep as well. This was the first of many times the two of you shared a bed without having sex.

18 December 1991

“What do you wish for Christmas?”

“For the last time Jungkook, I’m not letting you buy me a Christmas present.” The two of you sat in his bedroom, doing some homework while his father was away and his mother at the store. For a whole week Jungkook had been trying to figure out what you wanted for Christmas, but you were not budging. Not one bit.

“It could be anything, it doesn’t have to be something I have to buy for you, if you are worried about the money.”

Sighing, you let your textbook fall to the floor. “You really don’t have to.”

This you made very clear. He did not owe you anything and you did not owe him anything either. Although, you had already got him a Christmas gift. You saw it as your only chance to get the boy a proper jacket that was not ripped everywhere.

“I know but I want to give you something.” As he emphasized the want you realized there might be something more between the two of you. Something the two of you left unspoken as Jungkook went over to your place for the second time this week without any intentions of sleeping with you.

“A fantasy you wish to come true? Come on baby, you know I won’t judge nor that I would find it gross or anything. Most likely I’m more into it than you.” This was a fact, Jungkook was kinkier than you but not by much. There were some things you wanted to try but felt weird to ask about when the sex the two of you had was already good. Jungkook would dominate you and have you in any way he pleased while giving you tremendous amounts of praise. You loved it, but sometimes you wondered how it would be to dominate him. Have him crumble in your hands, blindfolded, not knowing what would happen next.

“Come on baby, I can see that you are thinking about it. Just tell me.” Urging you to tell him, Jungkook scooted closer to where you were sitting, a smirk on his lips.

“Maybe I could be in charge for once? Just to try it out?” You hesitantly suggested, searching Jungkook’s face to try and see his reaction. To your surprise Jungkook shrugged and leaned back against his bed.

“Sure, why not?” Smiling shyly, you were happy that Jungkook is agreeing to it, even though, so far, he had been the most dominant man you had been with in bed. Maybe he was different with others, you thought.

“Although…” Jungkook began. “You are probably the most submissive person I’ve ever met, so I have quite a hard time imagining it.”

“Oh really?” You said as you start crawling towards him. You needed to prove your point now, your competitive side needing to show him you could be dominant towards him. As you reach him across the floor, you straddle him, putting your arms around his neck. An amusing smirk pinned on his face as he watches you struggle to figure out what to do next. Usually, Jungkook would have told you to do something by now, but here he was, quiet, letting you take charge.

“I think…” You began, losing your trail of thought, feeling slightly overwhelmed with the situation.

“I think I need to tie you up.” You say a bit more confidently, biting your lip.

“Then get a tie from my drawer.” Jungkook tells you and you hop off him in order to find a tie in his drawer. Even when you were the one in charge, he called the shots. Coming back with the tie, you looked nervously at Jungkook who smiled widely at you as he got up from the floor.

“Where do you want me?” He asked and you thought about it for a second.

“On the bed, take off your shirt and pants.” Biting his lip, barely believing what you were saying, Jungkook complied with your order, taking off his clothes. Eager to see what you had in mind for him.

“Yes ma’am.” He said as he laid down on the bed. You joined him, sitting down beside his head, trying to figure out how to tie his hands to the bed. Jungkook saw your hesitation and sat up, taking your hands and the tie in his.

“I’ll show you how to do it, and you just have to do the same, okay?” Reassuring you, seeing you relax a bit, he showed you how to tie the tie around one of his hands. The knot seemed fairly simple you thought.

“Lay down.” Jungkook did as you said, and you took the tie around the bed frame, bringing it back to his other hand and tying the tie around his other wrist. Jungkook tugged on his hands slightly and when you saw that he was getting nowhere, you relaxed for a bit. Taking off your pants, you positioned yourself on top of him. Your clothed pussy above his half hard dick. Staring down at him, you were mesmerized by his abs. Boy did his workout pay off. You could sit endlessly and trace his chest and abdomen, so that is what you did.

“Noona…” Jungkook grunted after a while, growing harder with every second as you touched him in any way that pleased you. It was a nickname you had not heard in a while. In the beginning, he used it to tease you because you were a few months older than him. now it had a whole different meaning and oh did you love how it sounded when it came out of his mouth like a prayer.

“Yes?”

“Please kiss me.” Reaching down you captured his lips in a sweet kiss that soon enough grew heavier. You missed Jungkook’s hands all over your body but soon enough you remembered it was not the time for that now and you began planning what to do next. Jungkook felt when you began grinding on him, and he was happy his tactics worked. Kissing always made you relax and that was what he was after. He needed you to relax so you could enjoy this as much as he did. Feeling him grow even harder underneath you made you whimper, loving the way his dick felt beneath you. Jungkook moaned as you sat up and grinded down hard on him.

“Noona please… will you touch me?”

“Not yet, patience.” Taking off your top, leaving yourself in only your underwear, you continued to grind on Jungkook, earning a quiet moan from him. You wanted more. More specifically, you wanted his mouth on your clit. There was only one way that would happen in this position with him tied up.

You would have to ride his face, something you had only done once before when you were drunk. Remembering how good it felt was all the motivation you needed to set your plan in motion. Pulling off your underwear while still sitting on Jungkook proved to be a challenge but eventually you got it off.

“Take off your bra too Noona, wanna see your tits.” Shaking your head at Jungkook’s words, you began to crawl your way upwards.

“Not yet, wanna ride your face first.” Jungkook hissed at your words, barely believing his ears. He had wanted you to ride his face again ever since that night you took one to many vodka shots and ended up sitting on his face.

“Fuck… please ride me Noona. I promise I’ll make you feel good.” Clenching upon hearing his words, you eagerly placed yourself above his face, holding the bed frame for support as you began lowering yourself down on him. Jungkook met you halfway, too eager to have to wait any more and you let out a deep moan as he licked your wet slit. You continued lowering yourself until Jungkook’s head rested against the pillow again, slowly grinding yourself on his tongue as he laid it out flat for you to ride.

Your moans got louder as you approached your release and Jungkook took notice. Flicking his tongue fast against your clit as your movements slowed down. With legs shaking on either side of Jungkook’s face, you came. Your vision blurred, head a bit dizzy as you got off Jungkook and sat beside him on the bed. Looking at him tied up against the bed, breathing uneven, lips red and puffy you wanted nothing more than to kiss him, so you did. You tasted yourself on his lips as you softly made out with him before pulling away and releasing his hands from the bed frame.

“Had your fun baby?” He asked you, smiling, rubbing his wrists for a bit. You nodded and smiled back at him. It was better than you could have imagined. Never did you think you would find the courage to sit on his face again. You were afraid he would suffocate somehow and had always declined when he had asked. Of course, Jungkook never pushed you and let it go every single time. Finally, he got to have you ride his face again.

“Want me to take charge?” As you answered his question ‘yes’ he got on top of you, pushing you down towards the bed. Kissing you desperately and grinding himself against your wet core. He was almost painfully hard at this point.

“Feel what you do to me baby? You were such a good girl when you were in charge, made me so hard.” He whispered in your ear as he began to kiss your neck, leaving a few marks here and there until he found the spot that made you let out a moan.

“Want me to make you feel even better? Want me to fill up that pretty little pussy of yours?” His hands found their way around to your back. He unclasped your bra, taking it swiftly off as he began to palm your breasts with one of his hands, the other supporting him so he could lay above you.

“Please.” You pleaded and Jungkook could never say no to you. Taking off his boxers and letting his cock nudge at your entrance, you whined.

“Someone’s impatient.” Jungkook teased and you rolled your eyes as you looked into his, making sure he saw it.

“Someone has been waiting for a while.” You snarked back at him and he laughed.

“Well you don’t have to wait any longer.” As soon as the words left his lips, he began to push inside of you. The stretch stinging a bit at first but as soon as he bottomed out and stayed still for a while, kissing you in the meantime, it all went away. When he started rocking into you, you were in pure bliss.

“Fuck… you feel so good.” Jungkook grunted and all you could reply with was the moans that left your mouth whenever he hit a spot that had you feeling pure bliss.

“Wanna go deeper… Can I do that baby?” Always asking, always making sure you are okay with everything.

“Please.” You answered, wanting nothing more. He put one of your legs on his shoulder, going even deeper and occasionally hitting your g-spot. When you started clenching around him, Jungkook took it as his cue to circle your clit with his finger to help you over the edge. As soon as he began drawing circles you moaned loudly.

“Shh baby, you are doing so good for me, but I need you quiet down a bit yeah?” You nodded and he dropped his head to yours to kiss you, muffling your moans. As he did the leg you had on his shoulder got stretched out more and you felt a little bit of pain at the uncomfortable position. Luckily it was barely noticeable as you came when Jungkook started rubbing your clit just a little faster, wanting you to cum at the same time as him.

This one, he dragged out until you almost started to feel overstimulated and started pushing him away. Getting your cue, he slowed down after one final thrust that sent him over the edge. Breathing heavily on top of you, Jungkook kissed you before getting up from the bed, cleaning the mix of both of your cum off his dick with a tissue as he got dressed.

“Want me to help you get dressed?” He asked as you switched positions, so you were laying on your side, breathless and almost dizzy, needing some time to recover.

“Yes please.”

Smiling, he picked up your clothes from the floor and began to help you dress. Normally he would not do this for a girl, but you were not just any girl, you were his girl.

25 December 1991

Laying in bed in your room at night you suddenly heard a noise outside of your window. Going to check out what it was you see Jungkook looking up at you, hands in his jacket pockets and a beaming smile. Opening the window for him, he starts climbing up your house, something he does way to often nowadays you think. Once he got inside your room, he throws his arms around you before you could even ask him what he is doing here.

“Merry Christmas!” he says softly in your ear and you melt in his arms, hugging him back and mutter ‘merry Christmas’ back to him. Pulling away, he reaches inside his jacket pocket. His hands that had gloves on that did not cover his fingers (you always asked him if they even provided any heat) had now a small wrapped gift in them in front of you.

“Open your gift.”

Beyond shocked that he had gotten you a gift you murmured back at him, “I thought we said no gifts?”

“Just open it.” He pleads and you cannot help but to do as he says. You take the gift from his hands and unwrap it slowly. It was a box. Jungkook had a grin on his face as your eyes met before you opened the box. Inside of it was a goldenrod scrunchie.

“You didn’t!” You exclaimed at him.

“I know how much you love that yellow sunflower dress so when I saw it, I couldn’t help myself.” He spoke as you inspected the scrunchie carefully, not believing your eyes.

“I have looked for it for so long, where did you find it?” You ask him and he shakes his head.

“Not telling, in case I have to buy you more presents.” He answers, and you laugh. Smiling at him, you put the scrunchie around your wrist and admire it.

“Thank you.” He just nods at you, unsure what to do now. Breaking the silence, you ask the question that you have been wondering ever since you saw him outside your window.

“Why did you come here? Shouldn’t you be with your family?” You saw the way his face frowned a bit. Truth to be told, Jungkook wanted to be anywhere but with his family.

“Dad asked me to go and buy him more booze, took a detour to see you.” Smiling at him softly, you nervously tuck your hair behind your ear before looking beside your bed to see the present that you had bought for him.

“Guess you’ll have to open yours now as well.”

“I thought we said no gifts?” His smirk was back on his face and you roll your eyes as you walk over to pick it up.

“Shut up and take it.” Walking over to him and almost shoving it in his arms he laughs.

“Feisty.” He says before looking at the package wrapped in front of him as big as his chest. He really wondered what you could have gotten him, that was this big. Now, his own gift felt lame but so did yours to you, knowing how much your gift means to you while your gift to him was a bit more… well… not that personal. As he unwrapped his package, he was greeted with a jacket, brown and looking much like the one he already owned, well except all the holes and dirt.

“Figured if I bought you a similar one, no one would notice, and you didn’t have to freeze as much. Argh, it’s so stupid!” You say as you slump down on your bed, brushing your fingers through your hair and letting out a sigh.

“Hey…” Jungkook spoke softly as he crouched down in front of you. Searching for your eyes with his as your head hung low, staring at your hands that were placed in your lap.

“It’s not stupid, I really love it.” Taking your hands in his he caresses them. You look up to meet his eyes. The worry slowly disappears from your body.

“Really?” You asked. Jungkook nods and smiles at you, bringing a smile to your face as well.

“Thank you so much.” Jungkook meant it. Never had anyone bought him clothes, noticing how cold he was in his old jacket, having to put on layers underneath it. Now he did not have to freeze every winter and rainy day. All thanks to your gift. All thanks to you.

14 January 1991

"Are you coming to the party?" Jungkook asked as he was laying on your bed, mindlessly throwing a baseball he found in your room towards the ceiling and catching it on the way down. He had been asking you to come to this stupid party for days now. Parties were not your thing, but if it were not for them, you would never have met Jungkook. Still, you hated them. Parties meant spending more time with the plastics and going to a social gathering where everyone expected you to play some kind of role. A role you did not like.

“I’m not sure.” Answering him with the same answer as you did yesterday, Jungkook caught the baseball one last time before placing it down on your nightstand. As you sat on the bed next to Jungkook reading this week’s history chapter, you were suddenly attacked. Jungkook wrapped his arms around you, dragging you down with him.

Squealing as you fell down on top of Jungkook you tried your best to wiggle your way out of his grasp. Jungkook chuckled and began to plant kisses all over your face, whenever he got the opportunity. Dropping your book beside you, you tried using your hands to get out of his grasp, but he was not budging. His strong grasp keeps you trapped against him.

“Ugh let me go Jungkook I have homework to do!” You tried reasoning with him but Jungkook would just ‘hmm’ in your ear, like he was in deep thoughts.

“On one condition… You come to the party.” Once the words left Jungkook’s mouth you tried your very best to get out of his grasp without any success. Sighing, you realized there was no other way if you were going to get your history homework done on time.

“Fine, I’ll come.” You agreed, thinking Jungkook was going to let go of you but as soon as you tried to get up you were pushed down against his body again.

“Jungkook!” You annoyingly exclaimed and he snuggled his head in the crock of your neck.

“Just give me a sec… You are so cosy. I can’t help myself.” Rolling your eyes at his words, trying to get out of his grasp one more time, Jungkook let go of you. Sitting up and picking up your book, you looked over your shoulder to see him lying peacefully on your bed. A smile on his face.

“Behave or else I’ll throw you out.” You warned him but he just chuckled at your words. Knowing you would never actually throw him out.

“I promise baby.”

17 January 1992

The moment you saw him and Holly making out you wanted to gag. For days Jungkook had asked you if you were coming to the party, only to be making out with Holly as soon as you arrived. Anger, disgust filled your body. The two of you were not together by any means but you were still angry somehow, disgusted and a little hurt. You and the plastics had been appropriately half an hour late to the party. Drinking at Tiffany’s and getting ready.

Already tipsy and fuelled with anger you took a shot before going out on the dancefloor in the living room to find someone who could get your mind of him. Somehow, Matt who happened to be two years older than you, caught your eye and you decided that he would do. He had been flirting with you at other parties so it felt safe to assume he was attracted to you and would want to dance with you.

As you looked eyes with him and approached him, he took a swing of his beer, eyeing you up and down. Normally, this would make you feel something but tonight your mind was clouded by Jungkook. You were not looking for Matt’s attention, you were looking for his.

“Wanna dance?” You asked as you made your way over to him, standing now in front of him and looking up at him. He was way taller than you remembered, but then again, you decided not to wear your highest high heels tonight.

“Sure.” He said, putting down his beer and reached out to grab your hand, dragging you after him out on the dancefloor. The two of you started dancing together, your back pressed to his front, grinding your ass against his crotch.

Your focus was however not on him, but on Jungkook who danced with Holly not far away from you. He stopped making out with her for a second, moving away her hair to expose her neck for him. When he leaned in to kiss her neck, he met your eyes. Shocked, he just looked at you for a second before starting to kiss Holly’s neck, never breaking eye contact with you.

Never once did he think he would witness you in another man's arms, grinding your ass against him while he roams his hands all over your body. Never had you taken an interest in another man, at least not until tonight.

Two can play this game, you thought as you took your right hand up to Matt’s face. Gently touching it, you urged him to meet you halfway as you tilted your head upwards. He understood exactly what you wanted and met you in a sloppy drunk kiss. You could smell the faint of alcohol from his mouth as he kissed you and he tasted bitter.

Mother fucker, was all Jungkook could think for a while, completely forgetting the girl in his arms. He stopped kissing Holly’s neck. He wanted to reach over and drag you away from him, but he never got the chance as the two of you were interrupted by one of Matt’s friends. They talked with each other for a brief moment before Matt whispered something in your ear, kissed your cheek and disappeared after his friend.

Once Matt left your side to check on one of his friends had gotten into a fight, you were left alone on the dancefloor. When you looked straight forward again and saw Holly still in Jungkook’s arms you decided this was it. There was no point in you staying, moping around, being alone, since Jungkook was your only real friend and the only one who wanted you here. Or at least, so you thought.

Walking through the crowd trying to find the exist while being slightly drunk in a house you had been to only once before proved to be more difficult than you thought. Eventually you made your way into a hallway and saw one door open, revealing a bathroom inside and decided to try and sober up. Drink some water from the tap or something, anything to get you sober enough to find your way out.

As your hand reached the doorknob to close the door behind you, you were pushed further in. As you stood with your back pressed against the sink and looked up to see who had followed you, you were met with Jungkook’s deep brown eyes. Anger filled your body.

“Leaving your new girlfriend on the dancefloor I see.” Jealousy filling your body at the thought of him and Holly. Jungkook locked the door behind him and closed the distance between the two of you, standing now in front of you. You turned your face away when Jungkook tried to bring his hand up to caress your cheek. He looked at you with a pout.

"Baby..." He dragged out the ‘a’ as he took hold of your arms trying to bring you closer. He knew you were upset.

"You know you are the only one for me." You scoffed at his words. His charms were not working on you tonight. Still resisting his touch, you snarked back at him.

"Didn't look like that when Holly was down your throat." The image of them popping back into your head and leaving you with a bitter, sour taste. To be honest, you did not even know why you were so upset. Just that you did not like seeing Holly anywhere near Jungkook.

"Are you jealous?"

"No," you were quick to answer him. As you did his body language changed. It was like a switch had been flicked and as he looked down on you with desire, you started feeling hot. He towered above you, parting your legs with his body, standing in between them.

"Cause I was pretty fucking jealous when Matt was down yours." Before you even had a second to process what Jungkook said he had his lips moving with yours. Hungrily kissing you, making you breathless. His hands moving through your hair, grabbing it, tilting your head so your neck was exposed. His lips left yours and travelled downwards, kissing the outer corner of your lip, your jaw and lastly your neck where he started roaming around.

Sucking, biting and licking, trying to find your sweet spot. You let out a deep moan once he did. He smiled, smelling the faint scent of the perfume you were wearing. Sweet, just like you, he thought to himself. You felt his bulge getting bigger against your thigh, his hands getting rougher, more impatient.

A sudden loud bang on the door made the two of you freeze in your movements.

“Can you fuck somewhere else? Some of us have to use the bathroom.” Muttering ‘shit’ under your breath you suddenly realized the situation the two of you were in. Anyone could have seen the two of you getting into the bathroom, someone is guaranteed see the two of you leaving together. Your secret would be exposed. Seeing the worry on your face, Jungkook took his hand to caress your cheek, comforting you.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go first and buy you some time, okay?” You nodded and he followed through with his plan. Letting go of your face, taking a step backwards he smiled before he turned around to face the bathroom door.

As he unlocked it, you took a deep breath, your head hanging low, eyes on the ground, trying to avoid the eyes of the people you were imagining were looking at you. Jungkook looked back at you once before opening the door and stepping out of the bathroom. He hated it, the secrecy of your relationship. How you almost looked ashamed of being with him. He felt like it was time for him to go home, he no longer had any thoughts on staying, even though all of his friends would probably look for him.

A girl entered the bathroom and gave you a look that more or less said ‘get the fuck out’ and so you did. Looking around once, you stepped out of the bathroom and realized nobody was really looking at you, or judging you. Thank God.

Finally, being able to breath again you once again tried to find your way out. On your quest to find the front door you stumbled upon Matt, who was very insisting on letting one of his friends drive you home as apparently, all of you were going to the same neighbourhood. Not being able to say no, you got in the car and that’s how you found your way home.

Once your head rested against your pillow, body laying down on your bed you could not help but think how differently this night could have ended. Jungkook could have been by your side, if only you would have talked to him. If only you were not so afraid of what people might think of you. If only… and with that on your mind you feel asleep.

03 February 1992

“So… what are you planning on becoming?” Jungkook asked you as the two of you were walking, hand in hand on your way over to his house, skipping the last class. The teacher was probably just going to put on a movie any way since your school had an information day today where they brought up the different universities and options you had after school before lunch.

Most of the teachers thought this would be going on for the whole day so skipping class did not seem too bad. Also, this meant you could hang out with Jungkook in public without worrying about anyone seeing the two of you since every one of your classmates were at school. What you wanted to become when you grow up… This was something you had already been thinking about for the last couple of years, looking forward to when you could finally leave this hell-town.

“Maybe… a boss of some sort?” At your answer Jungkook chuckled. Letting go of his hand you lightly slapped him, asking him ‘what?’.

“No, nothing. I think you are great at bossing people around, so it’ll suit you just fine!” Jungkook said with a smile on his face but you did not really believe his words. Taking hold of your hand again, Jungkook continued walking with you by his side. Despite his words, you were still feeling as if he was teasing you.

“You are just making fun of me…” Pouting and whining as you said it, trying to make Jungkook feel guilty, you quickly realized you succeeded when he stopped walking. Holding your hand, the both of you came to a halt. Jungkook’s gaze on you softened as you stood in front of him.

“Hey… I didn’t mean it like that. I really do feel like you would make a great boss.” Scoffing, you turned your head, letting go of his hand to cross your arms over your chest. With fondness Jungkook smiled, knowing you were not really angry with him. If you had, you would have already started walking away from him. Something he had picked up over the last couple of months.

“You are compassionate, responsible, great at teaching and you do have a lot of patience. Isn’t that exactly what a good leader needs to have in order to have people look up to them? See them for guidance and trust them?” His words almost threw you off a bit. Jungkook rarely spoke to you this way but when he did, your heart skipped a beat every single time. No scratch that, nowadays it skipped a beat whenever he would just look at you.

You could not help but smile and feel your cheeks getting redder as you slightly slapped him on his arm again. Embarrassed and not wanting him to see your reaction.

“What now?” He would ask you, amused with your reaction. Noticing the way your cheeks had turned a shade redder.

“Shut up, let’s go.” You told him as you started walking again. Wanting to get to his house as soon as possible. Shaking his head, Jungkook followed you. Taking your hand in his again. He smiled, as you did not fight him. Enjoying the warmth, you provided by his side.

04 March 1992

Jungkook was late. Over an hour had you waited for him to come over to your house and study like the two of you had agreed. He was falling behind, by a lot. He did not want you to know of course but as you looked for a hoodie in his drawer last week you found his grades. You did not mean to look at them but once you saw an F on several of them, you could not help but to ask Jungkook about it. He told you the truth, as always.

He was failing because he could not study at home but because of you, he was not failing every class. The study sessions the two of you had helped him greatly and he was very thankful for your help. So, you decided the two of you should study more often so you could help him pass this term. Give him a chance to be able to study after high school.

He was probably not taking this seriously, you thought and when you finally heard someone climbing up the garage outside your window. You knew it was him. Angrily, you crossed your arms and waited for him to get inside so you could scold him. His face was hanging low, his whole body slumped as he climbed into the window.

“An hour Jungkook? Honestly? Do you think I enjoy-” Stopping yourself mid sentence, as soon as you meet his gaze. His left eye was swollen and purple, his lip bleeding with a cut on the outer corner. Hair messy, clothes wet from the rain that started a while ago. Your eyes softened when your eyes met his tear-filled ones. Going over to him, you gently caressed his face. He tried avoiding eye contact with you.

“What happened?” You whispered and Jungkook suddenly put his lips on yours, wincing at the pain the cut in his lip provided. He was not in the mood to talk. Jungkook just wanted all his feelings to disappear, even if for only a moment. Taking your hands to his chest you gently pushed him away.

“Please tell me…” Jungkook cut you off before you could even finish your sentence.

“You are my distraction, aren’t you?” You nodded, confused at what Jungkook was trying to imply.

“Then fucking act like it.” His harsh words left a sour feeling inside your throat, but you tried to swallow it down as he kissed you again. Leaving you breathless as he pulled away to study your face for a minute, giving you a chance to say no. You knew you were in for a rough fuck but after a stressful day, it was exactly what you needed. As you pulled him down towards you, kissing him, Jungkook took this as a hint to continue.

His rough hands on your body, undressing you as he backed you up against your bed. Pushing you down, you bounced around in your underwear before he placed himself on top of you momentarily before he got up again. Standing in front of you, in between your legs, he took off his shirt.

“Wha…” Your question was cut short as Jungkook placed his shirt around your eyes and tied it behind your head. Usually, he would use a tie to blindfold you but this time he had to be creative.

“Be quiet and take what I’m willing to give you.” Manhandling you, Jungkook turned you roughly around. His hands on your hips, grabbing them upwards and placing you in the doggy position. His hands started roaming around your body, feeling your ass, kneading roughly your thighs before moving upwards towards your core.

He touched you slightly over your clothed pussy and decided it was time for the fabric to go. Taking hold of your panties he ripped them apart. Squealing at the sudden sting the waistband of the panties hitting your sensitive skin, you felt exposed as the cold air of the room hit your core.

“You can’t just-” your complaint about your new panties being ripped apart was cut short by Jungkook.

“I can and I will. Now… I’ve told you to shut up and somehow you are still talking. Want me to stuff that dirty mouth with your panties hmm?” Shaking your head as you felt yourself getting wetter at the thought of Jungkook stuffing your mouth with your panties. A fantasy you have had for a while but did not have the courage to tell Jungkook about just yet.

“No sir, I’ll be good,” you answer him, wanting to please him.

“That’s my girl…” Jungkook whispered as he continued moving his fingers dangerously close to your hole before continuing, “now… Can I use you however I please and you’ll be a good girl and take?” Nodding at his question, wanting nothing more than to be his good girl, Jungkook entered one of his fingers in your pussy. You were not nearly wet enough as you needed to be for his cock, and he was going to change that.

Whining, when he suddenly put in another finger. Stretching your unprepared pussy a little too much for your usual liking, but you were determined to take what Jungkook was willing to give you. Wanting to please him. If only he would pay attention to your clit.

As if he could read your thoughts, Jungkook slightly brushed over your clit with his thumb which had you let out a low moan.

“Such a dirty slut, letting me use her however I want. I knew this about you ever since the first time I saw you at that party. Bet you let a lot of guys use you however they want, don’t you?” You chose not to answer him but someday you probably had to tell him the truth. There was really no one else but him. Twice had you tried sleeping with other guys and both were disappointments to say the least. Jungkook was even your first, but you would never tell him that. Afraid of how he would react.

As Jungkook continued fingering you, you could feel the pressure building but all the thoughts in your mind were distracting you. Clouding your pleasure and somehow you never reached the top like you usually would. So… you faked it.

Not feeling like you could cum anyway and trying to avoid making Jungkook more upset, it seemed like the logical thing. Jungkook was pleased, thinking that he made you cum. You could hear him unzipping his pants and soon you felt the presence of the tip of his cock at your entrance.

As he slowly entered you, you could feel the stretch slightly, but it was not as bad as you thought it would be. When he bottomed out, he stayed there to let you get used to it, waiting until you relaxed, before he started fucking you. Taking hold of your hips, pushing his cock in and out of your tight pussy, he moaned. You could not help but do the same, moaning whenever he reached your g-spot.

It didn’t take him long to reach his high, he was not exactly holding back and trying to last longer. Thinking he had already made you cum. As Jungkook came with a finally deep thrust, body slumped over yours, he took a deep breath before pulling out. As he pulled out, you noticed how you could not feel any of his cum leaking out of your cunt. Did he not cum?

As you took off his shirt that had been tied around your head. Acting as a blindfold, you turned your head around as you laid down on your side. You saw Jungkook removing a condom from his cock before tying it up and throwing it in the bin. His pants were still on, resting just below his hips. He pulled up his boxers and then his pants. He had not even taken off his pants this whole time while you had been lying naked in bed.

This gave you a weird feeling that you could not shake off. Something felt off. For some reason, he had used a condom tonight when the two of you had been going without one for more than half a year now, both getting tested beforehand. Making sure it was safe as you started taking birth control pills so the two of you could do it safely without a condom. He was probably seeing other girls again, you thought as you remembered Jungkook making out with Holly. Yeah, that was probably it.

“You’ll be alright yeah?” Your thoughts were interrupted by Jungkook who was now putting your blanket over your naked body as he took his shirt from your hand, his eyes searching for yours as he tried to make eye contact with you.

“Yeah.” You would answer him, not really sure what he was asking.

“Good. I’ll see you around.” Jungkook said before giving a kiss to your forehead. As he stood up, he turned around and went to your window. Was he really leaving? Your question was quickly answered as Jungkook threw his leg on the other side of your window and proceeded to climb out.

This was not like him, you thought. Nowadays, he usually stays the night. Maybe this was a one-time thing? At least, you hoped it was as your heart felt heavy that night. Thoughts filled with worry for him. Was he going home to his father? God, you hoped he was going to his friends or something, but mostly you would have hoped he would have stayed.

A single tear left your eyes as you got up to get dressed in your pyjamas to get ready to bed. What ever had happened today, you hoped would never happen again.

That night, you kept your window slightly ajar the whole night. Hoping Jungkook would come back. When you woke up the next morning in bed alone, you realized that was not the case. You were not his girlfriend. He was not your boyfriend. What were you even thinking right now?

Annoyed with yourself, you put on your jogging shoes to try and go for a run. To clear your head. At first, it worked. For a little while. Until you started to worry again, and you almost found yourself running over to his house. No, if he wanted to talk, he would have come to you. You thought as you made your way back home. Hoping he would talk to you one day. Hoping he would explain.

31 March 1992

You had spent all morning waiting for the mailman to come by your house. Hoping he would carry your college acceptance letter. Anxiously, you had been walking around, cleaning, trying anything to get your mind off it but nothing was working. Your mother tried to assure you, saying any college would be lucky to have you. You were above average, sure, but not too outstanding if you asked yourself.

Jungkook, on the other hand. He would probably say the same as my mom, you thought. The two of you had not talked much recently. It seemed as if Jungkook was busy hanging out with his friends every day, and the time he had for you was minimal.

You missed him, although, you would never admit it. So, while you were waiting, you decided to write down your thoughts and hide them in your box of confessions. Here were all the letters and things you wanted to say to people, but probably never would.

Maybe, getting it all down on paper would help as usual, but this time it left you writing with no end. Emotions and thoughts that were never ending. It felt like you could almost write a book to Jungkook. How mad you were at him when he kissed Holly. How sad you were the first time he left you alone in bed. How happy you felt when he brought you that scrunchie. It was a mess indeed, but at least you were getting it out somewhere when you could not talk to anyone about it. Still afraid people would judge. Still afraid people might talk if they knew what was going on between the two of you.

Jungkook missed you terribly, but he thought it was for the best. He had completely fallen for you. Head over heels and he was screwed. You would never want him as anything more than a fuck buddy, he thought. So that is how he decided to treat you.

Go back to the beginning of your relationship, no sleepovers. No sweet talking. No studying together. Just sex. That worked most of the time, except for the times Jungkook felt guilty every time you asked him to stay. It made him second guess his choice every time. Thinking, maybe… just maybe… you had feelings for him too.

Those thoughts would quickly disappear as whenever the two of you locked eyes out in public, yours would turn away. You did not want to be seen with him, he had to remind himself. With that in mind, Jungkook had made his choice to stay away from you. No matter how hard it was.

Around an hour later, you finally held your college application letter in your hand. Nervously you opened it. Reading though it, you realized. You were accepted. You got into your first choice even.

Squealing, you could not wait to tell Jungkook. Oh… right… The smile on your face quickly turned to a frown when you remembered how distant he had been with you lately. He probably did not care, you tried to remind yourself. The two of you were merely fuck buddies after all.

With that in mind, you tried to distract yourself from the thoughts of Jungkook, by showing the letter to your mom. Hugging her tightly as she told you how proud she was of you. Somehow, she was not the person you wanted to make the proudest anymore. Somehow, that was Jungkook and as you realized it, you were terrified. You had fallen in love with Jeon Jungkook.

18 April 1992

With a lump in your throat and your vision blurred from the tears that escape your eyes, you hesitantly walk up towards Jungkook’s house. What was he even supposed to do? Why did you even think of going to him in the first place? After all, the two of you had not lately talked at all. He had been distant for a while now, but lately, you did not even talk with each other. It was like, he came over to your house, the two of you had sex and then he left. Nothing more, nothing less.

Today, you and the girls had all gathered at Tiffany’s house to hang out and start planning what dresses you would be buying for prom. It should have been fun, considering you actually looked forward to prom, but all your excitement was flushed down the drain as soon as the girls started talking about your body.

Who you should go with or why you should even bother to go, when no guy had shown any interest in you so far. You got out of there as quickly as possible to get some air, but somehow your thoughts drifted to Jungkook and your legs started moving towards his house. Should you even knock? What if his father is home? With shaking hands, you knocked lightly on his door and soon enough you heard footsteps approaching the door.

As Jungkook opened the door he found you, teary eyes looking down on the ground, your trembling lip caught between your teeth and hands fiddling at the seam of your shirt. The smile he had on his lips when he opened the door and saw you quickly disappeared as he noticed your state. Walking outside, he closed the door behind him so his friends would not hear your conversation, respecting your privacy.

“Hey,” he spoke softly, and you looked up at him, meeting his eyes. He never expected you to show up at his doorstep like this. Especially not after how distant he had been towards you lately. Still… he was somehow happy that you had come to him.

“What’s wrong?” You shrugged, not really knowing what to say but Jungkook was patient. Waiting for you to collect your thoughts and talk to him.

“I don’t really know, the girls started talking about prom and how I’m never going to find a date because…” Your trembling voice gave out as you started sobbing. Jungkook wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in tightly against his body. Your head against his chest as you cried into his hoodie. He truly felt like home, his scent and warmth bringing you comfort.

“Shh…” Jungkook whispered as he caressed your back and stroked your hair.

“You know better than anyone that most things that come out of their mouths is utter bullshit.” He was right, but you could not help but to feel your heart sink every time you thought about what they had said to you.

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt,” you mumbled into his chest and he kissed your hair. Letting out a heavy breath, you finally felt like you could breathe again.

“I know, I know.” Jungkook reassured you. Letting out a sigh as Jungkook took a step back, releasing you from his embrace, you wanted to complain. Wanting him to comfort you more, but he was quick to bring one of his hands up to your face and wipe away your tears. Tilting your head up by taking hold of your chin so your eyes would meet.

“Want to hang out with me and boys for a while and once they leave, we can talk?” He suggested and you quickly shook your head. The last thing you wanted was to bother him in anyway. He was not your boyfriend. He had no obligation to take care of you.

“I really don’t want to intrude.” As soon as your answer left your mouth, Jungkook was quick to respond.

“You wouldn’t” That was all it took to reassure you and with a beating heart you quietly muttered an ‘okay’ and Jungkook smiled.

“Follow me.” Intertwining his hand with yours he opened the door and walked in with you right behind him. The boys that sat on the couch all got quiet as they turned their heads to see you and Jungkook standing in the hallway. They all recognized you quickly, one of the plastics, one of the wealthy girls in town.

You, on the other hand, only recognized Taehyung and not the other two boys that were sitting in the living room. Taehyung was often seen beside Jungkook at school and Jungkook often talked about him with you, saying you would love him if you got to know him. Guess this was your chance.

“Guys, this is ‘____’, she’s staying with us tonight” Jungkook announced and truth to be told, you could not really read their faces at all. Staring at them as they stared back at you, you had never felt more out of place. The plastics somehow felt more normal. Never did you think you would ever have that thought.

You were brought out of your trance as Jungkook tugged on your hand, dragging you towards the couch. Following him, he sat down on the empty couch, next to the one where Taehyung and the other two boys sat. Sitting down next to him you awkwardly smiled at the boys and they smiled a sceptical smile back at you, not really sure probably on how to react. Never had they once seen Jungkook take any girl home.

On the table in front of you were beer bottles and tv-game controllers. As you looked over on the tv you saw that they were playing some sort of video game. Jungkook smiled as he observed you.

“It’s Super Mario, Jimin got it last week. Probably the best game out there on Super Nintendo” He explained to you and one of the boys, the one on the far right spoke up.

“It’s really fun, you should try it!” He exclaimed and you smiled shaking your head, declining his offer.

“Oh! I’m Jimin by the way, this is Hoseok and that’s Taehyung.” Jimin said as he pointed at the other two boys sitting on his couch. Once the boys started playing their game you started to feel more at ease. More comfortable as you started leaning towards Jungkook on the couch, bringing your feet up to rest on the couch as well. As you changed position, Jungkook could not help but want you even closer.

“Come here.” Confused, you looked to your right to see that Jungkook had parted his legs, encouraging you to sit in between them. Looking over at the boys on the other couch you saw that they were fully immersed in the game. Why not? You thought and settled between his legs. Jungkook wrapped his body around you as your back rested against his chest. For the next round the controller was thrown to Jungkook and he bent down to whisper in your ear.

“Imma win this one for you baby.” You felt goosebumps all over your body, heart skipping a beat. What the girls had said earlier to you was long forgotten as you sat in here in Jungkook’s embrace. He ended up winning the race and for the next one, he showed you how to play. How he managed to win despite having his focus on showing you all the controls was beyond you.

The game after that you were the one playing against Jimin. Jungkook showed you how to change character and you chose Peach. He probably went easy on you since you won, nothing he would admit though. Jungkook was proud, happy and content. You were getting along with his friends.

You could not help but to think of the night not too long ago, when Jungkook had showed up to your house, beaten. There was no doubt it was his father who had abused him, but you never asked. Whatever was between the two of you had felt different after that.

He had always seeked your comfort before and you his as you did today, but something had always felt off after that. As if his trust in you was broken. Not entirely, but enough to wonder why he never felt as if he could just talk to you about it. Why he had stopped talking to you almost entirely. Also, it was not the last time Jungkook came to you for comfort like that. Each time, leaving you a little hollower than the time before. Remembering your place in his life. His fuck buddy. Merely someone to take his mind off things for a while.

The rest of the night was spent playing video games, staying up way too late and lastly with you falling asleep in Jungkook’s arms. If only every night could be spent like this, you thought. If the two of you could somehow talk about the two of you. What you were to one another. By now, you were sure you loved him. Somehow you could never allow yourself to completely fall for him, scared he does not feel the same way. Scared that the feelings you were feeling were one sided.

They probably were, you thought, remembering the way he spoke to you that night. Saying you are his distraction and nothing more. Remembering when he made out with Holly at the party instead of hanging out with you when he had begged you to come. Something had felt off after all of that. Remembering that he had barely spoken to you these last few weeks. Today, you had fallen asleep in his arms, pretending it was all fine. Wanting it so badly to be fine. Not trying to think too much about it, when lately it was all that had been on your mind. If only you could tell him your thoughts. If only.

29 May 1992

You look over the schoolyard as you and the plastics sat by one of the outside lunch tables, eyes glued on Jungkook as he played basketball with his friends. Things have been different lately. Jungkook had wanted to spend more time with you but this time… you had been distant.

The two of you had not had sex together in over two weeks now. Your mind filled with worry, anxiety and stress. As you got your acceptance letter, you quickly tried to find your own apartment in New York. In your favour, your aunt had a friend that was going away for a year to study abroad. Needing someone to take care of her apartment in the meantime.

You had signed the contract a few days ago. You would be moving in a few days after school had ended. Everything was happening so fast, too fast. Therefore, you prioritised yourself. Spending as much time planning and figuring this out in order to ease your mind. Of course, you wanted to see Jungkook, but you knew that would no longer be possible once you moved.

So, you distanced yourself from him. Tried to become used to not seeing him. It was mostly going well. Well, that was until the two of you locked eyes and he shot you a smile before continuing to play with his friends again. You had smiled back at him, loving the warm feeling inside your body whenever his attention was on you. Fuck… this was not going to be easy, you thought.

14 June 1992

Jungkook was happy, school was over. He had passed his exams, he could actually come with you, wherever you were going to study. Jungkook had not told you this yet, but he was hoping he could come with you, get away from his father. He wanted to tell you this today so the two of you could figure it out over the summer. Maybe... He could probably work for a year or two. Maybe save enough money for college one day, he thought. He remembered how you almost glowed when you talked about your dreams. Your dream to work for a big company one day. So, he worked his ass off. Studying wherever he had the time so he would pass his exams, so he had a chance at college one day. Anything to make you proud. Anything to be with you.

As he brushed his teeth, he could not help but to imagine your reaction when he told you that he would be able to come with you. He knew you were anxious about leaving but the two of you knew it was for the best. Leave this small town and find new friends, family and a place to call your own. A place that could be potentially a home for the two of you. He was certain he would confess to you. His love, he was sure, was endless for you. A never stopping force that he could not deny any longer. Today he would tell you. Of that, he was sure.

When he saw you on the park bench his smile faded. You were crying, hands fiddling with your shirt, something you did when you were nervous. Eyes looking towards the ground. Jungkook imagined this was all because you thought he would not be able to come with you. That you had to say goodbye to him, as you left for college.

“Hey.” He spoke softly once he reached you and your eyes looked up to meet his.

“Hey…” You whispered back, and he put out his arms to pull you into his embrace, but you refused. Putting your arms in front of you, stopping his body from wrapping itself around yours. Jungkook looked confused letting his arms fall to his side again.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and you could barely look at him.

“I can’t.” Puzzled he looked at you, trying to read your face.

“What do you mean?” Yeah what did you actually mean. You had been thinking about how to tell him for the last couple of days but now when the day had come, no words formed in your mouth. You knew by now that you loved him, but you also knew he could not come with you. You had to end it here, for your own sake and his. The two of you could not make it work long distance. For God’s sake, you were not even a couple, you thought.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Jungkook asked again when no answer came out of you. Whimpering, lip trembling, breathing unsteady you said it.

“I can’t be with you.” Jungkook was quiet. It felt as if all the air in his lungs had left him. His chest empty, drained of all the happiness that had filled his body earlier on. He did not know how to react. You could not even look at him, you knew if you did you would change your mind. For him, you probably would. The desire to be able to get out of the town that was the source of your unhappiness was bigger than your desire to be with him, not by much, but enough. You knew if you did not break up with Jungkook you would stay here. Stay and regret the decision your whole life.

The silence was killing you. You had said what you needed to say. So, you decided it was time to leave. As you turned your heel to walk away from Jungkook he spoke, making you halt your movements.

“Why?” His question raised a number of thoughts in your mind, but before you had the chance to answer him, he continued. Clenching his jaw to keep the tears that had been forming in his eyes at bay.

“Was it something I did?” No, you wanted to tell him. You wanted to tell him that he made you feel loved like no one ever had before. You wanted to tell him the scrunchie that he got you was the most precious gift you had ever gotten.

You wanted to tell him, no one ever was as honest as he was with you and that he was the only one who never once doubted you. Never made you feel insecure, made you feel as if you could not be yourself or made you feel like your feelings and thoughts were not valid. You wanted to tell him he made you whole, as if you had been searching for something your whole life and finally you had found it. None of that came out of your mouth though.

“I can’t stand watching you mess around with other girls.” The thought of him and Holly at the back of your head. Jungkook with someone else that was not you, someone that probably would treat him better. Treat him the way he deserved to be treated. Someone that just was not you.

Besides… How would even things work if he could come with you? He was still one of the biggest players in the school. Would he be able to drop all of that for you or would you stay worried the entire time like you had now? Worried that all you were to him was a distraction even though deep down you knew you were something more than that. At least you hoped so.

All Jungkook could think about was that you probably had feelings for him too. Why else would you otherwise not be able to stand seeing him with other girls? He felt hope.

“I’ll stop.” Jungkook choked out, his voice quiet, lip trembling as the first tear escaped his eyes as yours meet his.

“I promise.” He continued. What he wanted to tell though was that he had not messed around with anyone ever since you got jealous at that party, ever since he saw you in someone else’s arms. After that, it all felt wrong to him. Especially since all he wanted was you.

“I have to focus on myself, I need some time.” You whispered as Jungkook stepped closer. When you did not move away, he brought his hands to your face, holding it carefully as if you would break otherwise. He rested his forehead against yours and took a deep breath.

“I’ll wait.” Jungkook said truthfully, he would wait for as long as it would take for you to come back to him. You did not want that. You wanted better for him. Someone, who could openly say they were in a relationship, without thinking of others. Show him the love he deserved without being afraid of how other people may react.

Sobbing with your eyes closed you tried to remember what his scent was like, the one that gave you a feeling of home when you breathed it in. You wanted to remember it, forever if you could. This close you could smell it, if only you could stay here forever, but you could not.

Jungkook let his fingers run through your hair and back to your cheek, feeling the softness of your skin, the roughness of your hair telling him you had not brushed your hair today, yet, you looked stunning as ever. He had to tell you what he thought, he had to let you know. Had to let you know you were his home, his safe place, his sanctuary. You were a breeze on a hot summer day, refreshing, well needed and something he craved.

You placed your hands on top of his, taking them in yours. As you took a step back you opened your eyes, looking up at him. Jungkook opened his as well, swallowing hard as he choked on the tears that had started to escape his eyes. You could never do this to him again, never see him again like this, he did not deserve it you thought.

“I don’t want you to. I want you to let me go.” As the words left your mouth, Jungkook did so. His hands left yours and he stepped back. Maybe you did not feel the same way as him, he thought. Maybe something had happened, and you needed some time. Maybe… there was still a chance for the two of you to make it. Finally, be together.

With this little hope Jungkook had let you go of his grasp. As he opened his eyes and met yours, he realized that was not the truth. The truth was this was it. Your mouth turned into a painful smile as tears left your eyes and you spoke your last words to him.

“Thank you.” He never got the chance to ask you for what or to thank you back as you turned around and left him on the street. He wanted to say thank you back. For all the times you had been there for him. When he did not know how to express himself, never pushing him to explain. Just being there for him whenever he needed someone. Whenever he needed you.

Jungkook could think of anything else the next couple of hours, his body limp, crying into Taehyung’s chest. Thinking about all the times he probably screwed up, leading to you breaking up with him. Was it even a breakup if you never officially dated? It sure as hell felt like it at least.

He had to see you one last time, he had to change your mind. He needed to tell you how he felt. How much you meant to him. How badly he wanted the two of you together, wherever and whenever that would be. As long as you heard him out… maybe… just maybe… he had a chance at winning you back. Wiping away his tears he told Taehyung he would be back soon, that he had to see you one last time and with that he left his house, on his way to yours.

As he reached the door and knocked, your mother opened the door.

“Hi, is there anything I could help you with?” She answered and Jungkook smiled at her through the pain and hollowness he was feeling. Your mother recognized his face, but she could not quite place it anywhere.

“Yeah, is ‘___’ home?” He asked and your mother shook her head.

“I’m afraid not, she left for college an hour ago” Jungkook nodded at your mother and turned around, walking down your doorstep he let out a broken cry. This was it. You were really gone. You wanted nothing to do with him. That was probably why you had been away the last couple of days. You had probably been moving into your new place, Jungkook thought.

He walked for hours around the town with these thoughts until Hoseok found him sitting on a bench by the river. Jungkook still barely remembers what Hoseok had told him that day. All he remembers is the hollow feeling in his chest, his nose running, eyes swollen, barely being able to breath. Consumed by the sadness you had left with your words, the sadness that he thought would never end. A hole in his soul he did not believe could ever be filled again.

His first and only love… gone, and there was nothing he could do about it. If he only knew you felt the same, if he only knew how much you loved him too. Maybe he would have confessed sooner, maybe you would have if you would have known. Maybe… this would not have been the end of your first love.

#bangtanhq #smutcentralnet #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #bts smut #bts x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook one shot #jungkook fic #bts fanfic #bts fic #fic; right here

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maevemarethyu · 4 years ago

Text

Unexpected (6/?)

(Not my GIF)

(This is my shitty border though. First try and all.)

You weren’t expecting it. Neither of you were.

That didn’t mean you weren’t happy with how it ended.

Bucky Barnes x Reader Fic.

Warnings: I don’t think there are any in this one? Sad Boi Hours, Firearms, A lot of dialogue from a lot of people.

“You haven’t heard from Frank? At all?” Karen worries over a cup of coffee the next day and you roll your eyes.

“Nope. I’ve tried calling him but, it goes straight to voicemail.” You sigh as you stare out the coffee shop window at the people passing by. “He’s fine though. I can feel it.”

“It’s not him we’re worried about.” Elektra snorts before reconciling her words. “Not that we’re particularly worried about which river they’re going to find Patrick in a few days from now.”

That brings a faint smile to your tired face. You doubt that your brother would actually kill Patrick. Frank had begun carving out a new life for himself here as and you knew he wouldn’t jeopardize it for the likes of Patrick Vaughn.

So, no, your brother wouldn’t kill him but, maiming wasn’t out of the question. A few broken bones wouldn’t lay too heavily on your conscience either.

Your phone goes off for the fifth time in as many minutes and you reach for it quickly.

“Ugh. Again? Who’re you texting that’s so important?” Elle groans, obviously slighted by the distraction. “This is the first time we’re seeing each other since you found out about Pat. We demand your undivided attention.”

“And you’ll get it.” You promise. “This is about my door needing to be fixed. Bucky asked me when I was free so he could get it done.”

The two women sat across from you share a look as you type out a response, laughing at the photo of Sam and Steve that was sent with it. It was abundantly clear the Captain America had no idea how to use a drill when you see him frustratedly trying to get it to turn on while Sam stands in the back, holding the battery in his hand, with a finger on his lips.

It was a comfort; knowing that the all mighty Avengers were just normal people.

“We’re calling him Bucky now?” Karen hums as she leers over the table. “And he’s offering to fix your door?”

You knew that tone and you knew what she was implying. For some reason it brings an irritated heat to your face.

Foggy had been implying the same things when you had called him last night and you weren’t sure how to broach the topic.

Sure, Bucky was a nice guy but, you knew he wasn’t over Claire and you definitely weren’t over Patrick no matter how much you wished you were. You couldn’t run away from fifteen years like he had and, just because everyone else was sick and tired of your previous relationship (which they had made abundantly clear in every call you made last night) you weren’t.

No. Your mind kept replaying all of the good times you had with your ex-husband. After what he had said to you yesterday, you wanted nothing more than to erase him from your mind but, it didn’t work that way.

Having Bucky, someone who was going through the same thing, helped immensely but, after he left last night and you were left alone with your thoughts, you crumbled. Your breakdown had almost been as bad as when you’d first met the super soldier. You were hurt and you wished your friends would stop telling you how much they hated the man you had been married to. It didn’t help. All it did was make you feel stupid and weak for not seeing the signs in the first place. They made you feel like shit every time they pointed out how poorly he treated you and they had no clue.

How do you tell your friends that? They were trying to be supportive but, it wasn’t the support you needed right now. Right now, you just needed someone to sit next to you and listen to you rant while watching cheesy movies and eating your favorite take out.

You needed Bucky as pathetic as that sounds.

“Yes. He’s fixing my door because Frank kicked it off of its hinges in a fit of rage last night.” You reply curtly when you realize you had been silent for an odd amount of time. “He should be at my place in a half hour so-“

“Okay, let’s get ready to go then.” Elektra cuts in. She’s pulling on her coat and throwing away your empty cups before you can protest. “What? I want to meet him and I’m sure Karen would too. Right Karen?”

She poses the sentence as a question but, you know it’s not. Her tone leaves no room for you to say no and you have to remind yourself that she was just trying to be there for you. The former assassin was still learning how to be someone’s friend and she often came off harsher than she meant to.

Forgoing a worded answer, Karen nods enthusiastically and you know you’re stuck. You knew that if you wanted to continue having a friendship with Bucky he would eventually have to meet your friends but, you weren’t sure if you were ready for that.

It wasn’t in Elektra’s nature to give you a choice though and you mentally resign yourself to it as you pull on your own coat and finish the muffin you had gotten for breakfast. The brunette smirks at you, knowing she’s won and Karen claps her hands giddily.

This wasn’t how you were expecting your day to go. You were hoping that you could go out to breakfast with your friends, go home, get your door fixed, and spend the rest of the day hanging out with Laysa and Bucky before collapsing back into bed so you weren’t dead on your feet tomorrow at work.

It would be your first day back since taking in the snow leopard cub and you had been counting down the days, now even more so.

Karen opens the door and you three make your exit onto the busy sidewalk. A cool breeze has you pulling your jacket tighter and you inhale the smell of the incoming fall season. The first day of October was quickly approaching and you hoped the changing of the seasons would help you adjust to the changes in your life.

“Let me just call Bucky to let him know that you guys are coming.” You voice when the thought pops into your mind that he might not want to meet your friends. He seemed okay with your brother but, that had been a whirlwind encounter that caught you both off guard. “I don’t want to spring this on him.”

Elektra purses her lips but shrugs instead of arguing.

When you look down at your phone, you’re shocked to see it already ringing with Bucky’s name being displayed on the screen. Once again a smile creeps onto your face at the sight as you press the answer button and bring the phone to your ear.

“Hey! I was just about to call. Is everything okay?” You chirp, signaling the girls to follow you as you begin the trek back to your house.

There’s a rumble on the other line and faint arguing that piques your curiosity and you’re trying to discern what’s being said when Bucky finally answers.

“Hey Doll.” He sounds out of breath and you have to wonder what has a super soldier like him breathing hard. “Everything’s fine. It’s just-“

“Y/N we wanna come over!” A voice that could only be Sam Wilson yells from the background, causing you to shake your head with a grin.

You hear James grumble something unintelligible before letting out a long sigh. “They want to meet you.”

“They being Sam and Steve?” You guess whilst biting your thumb, trying to hold back the peal of laughter that threatens to escape.

“Yes ma’am.” A much calmer voice comes through and you vaguely recognize it as Steve Rogers from yesterday’s call. His politeness is every bit what you would expect from America’s sweetheart.

“You’re free to say no.” Barnes cuts in. “Please say no.”

He was obviously in the same boat as you but, you weren’t throwing him a life vest anytime soon. If you go down. So does he.

“You can come on two conditions.” You hum and he groans. “One is that Steve never calls me ma’am again and two is whether or not you’re okay with meeting two of my friends that so rudely invited themselves.”

Karen sticks her tongue out at you childishly. When she does stuff like that it’s hard for you to picture her as the woman who stood up to Frank. The woman who shot an unarmed man all those years ago.

The thought suddenly strikes you that you and Foggy were the only people in your friend group that hasn’t committed murder.

You feel as though that should disturb you more than it actually does.

“Sam’s already on his bike.” Bucky’s deep chuckle snaps you out of your thoughts.

You bid him goodbye and find yourself walking with a bit more of a pep in your step. You didn’t want to think about why talking with the super soldier managed to dissipate your sour mood. You just accept it for what it was and continue walking.

“Was that a yes?” Karen coaxes whilst she loops her arm into yours, grabbing Elle as well.

Her excitement is palpable and you find yourself nodding. “You two are going to be meeting the ex-Winter Soldier, Captain America, and the Falcon.”

“Who wants to take bets on whether or not I get arrested?” Elle says it as a joke but, it opens a very real pit of anxiety in your stomach. Elektra had always been off most mainstream radars but, it was entirely possible that the Avengers know who she is.

Your blossoming mortification must show on your face because Karen swiftly elbows the brunette with a frown. “Why would you say that? No one’s getting arrested. Besides, its not as if you’re aren’t dating the best lawyer in New York City.”

Her words do little to quell the swelling storm in your gut but, you appreciate them nonetheless. Regardless, its too late to turn back when your home creeps into view, just in time for a trio of motorcycles to park in front of it.

None of the men are wearing helmets and you make a mental note to berate them later.

“That them?” Elle asks, feigning disinterest. She can pretend to not be apprehensive all she wants but, you can always tell when she’s lying. This is one of those times.

Meanwhile Karen is bouncing on the balls of her feet as if she wasn’t personally acquainted with several super humans, mutants, heroes, and villains.

Hearing your approach, Bucky turns to face you flashing an uneasy smile before opening his arms.

“Oh he’s hot as-“ You purposefully ignore the rest of Elektra’s sentence in favor of letting yourself be enveloped in James’ hug.

“Hey sweetheart. Sorry ‘bout this.” His voice is low in your ear and you have to fight the shiver that tries to run down your spine at the sound of it.

“Don’t you start apologizing.” You huff before reluctantly pulling away. “My girls are going to eat them alive.”

You wave over Karen and Elle brushing off their stunned stares as Bucky does the same.

“Bucky. This is Karen and Elle. Girls. This is Bucky.” While Elle hesitates to wave, Karen is grinning wide enough that it had you wondering if her cheeks hurt.

“Nice to meet you. I’m sorry it had to be under these conditions.” Elektra steps up when Karen blanks, shaking Bucky’s hand and nodding to the men behind him.

Captain America and the Falcon introduce themselves when James refuses to. Sam flashes you a mega watt smile that has you hiding a laugh behind a hand. Steve forgoes your offered hand and follows James’ suit, pulling you into a tight hug.

Steve’s mouth opens to say something but, is quickly cut off by Sam asking a question that makes your blood run cold.

“Hey, have we met before?” You don’t have to turn around to know he’s talking to Elle and you stiffen in Steve’s hold.

Peeling yourself away from the blond super soldier, you take your place next to Bucky and elbow him in his side.

Elektra shakes her head with a shrug. “I just have one of those faces-“

“Hey! Why don’t we head inside? I’ve gotta feed Laysa. You know how cranky she gets.” You cut in as you drag the brunet around your home and into the backyard. The back door was the only way in since Bucky nailed a few two by fours over the front door to keep it in place until he came back to fix it.

If Barnes notices your panic, he says nothing.

The back door unlocks with a click and you can hear Laysa as soon as the door opens. A smile creeps its way onto your face at the sound of mewling and, when you turn to face James, he’s wearing a matching grin.

You ask him to get her from the nursery while you get the bottle ready and he nods, motioning for the guys to follow him into your home.

“Smooth Kare.” Elle jokes when the blonde trips over the doorstep; obviously too entrance by the Falcon’s ass to pay attention to where she was walking.

“Shut up.” She hisses. “Can you blame me? I’ve never seen a group of men that good looking.”

“Karen.” You hum. “Super soldiers equal super hearing.”

Her face goes bright red and you do nothing stop the peal of laughter escaping your throat. It was a much-needed reprieve from the tension that had been tightening your muscles since stepping out of the coffee shop.

“Like Matt super hearing?” He worries, biting her lip and dutifully avoiding the office door as we pass by it.

That was a good question but, it wasn’t one you wanted the answer to anytime soon. For now you were walking the fine line of knowing heroes and vigilantes with no overlap. You wanted to keep a grasp on it for as long as you could. When lines blur, things get messy, and you had enough mess in your life as is.

“Who knows?” Elle sighs before taking a seat on your counter as you begin the process of heating up Laysa’s bottle. She seemed a bit too relaxed for a criminal who had almost been recognized and you absentmindedly wonder how long she could keep the act up. Elektra was the epitome of a strong woman but, everyone needed a place to crash. Matt was her place. Lord knows they earned each other.

The microwave beeping mixed with Karen’s hand waving in front of your face brings you back to reality.

“You okay?” She mouths as James and the others make their way into the kitchen. You wave off the question before taking the cub from James’ arms.

“That may be the coolest thing I’ve seen.” Sam grins and James rolls his eyes. “And I’ve seen a lot of cool things.”

“You do that often?” Steve’s eyes widen in fascination as Laysa eagerly latches onto the bottle. “Take in animals like that?”

“Y/N’s always looking to take work home. Before her it was the Macaws and before the Macaws it was-“ Elle trails off, snapping her fingers in frustration.

“Oh it was the Gharial baby with the nub leg.” Karen supplies while cooing over the cub. “Remember it bit Foggy and he had to get like five stitches? How’s he doing now?”

You remembered that night very well. More accurately, you remember Matt laughing his ass off when Foggy fainted at the sight of his own blood.

You loved that little reptile.

“He’s doing great now. Swims better than the rest of the clutch.” You reply, laughing when you hear Sam (not so quietly) asking Steve and Bucky if they knew what a Gharial was.

You choose to save the herpetology lesson for another time.

“Do you guys want anything to drink?” Elle asks, taking on the role of hostess while you’re indisposed and you shake your head before silently thanking her.

“I’m good, thanks. We better get started on the door.” James declines, petting the cub in your arm once more then walking out of the kitchen, toolbox in hand.

“You have fun with that Bonky. I’ll stay with the kitten.” You snort at the nickname Sam throws out and you file it into the back of your mind for later. “And Steve can’t figure out how the drill works so-“

The Captain flushes with a frown before grabbing the Falcon by the back of his collar and dragging him into the room Bucky had disappeared, leaving you alone with Elle and Karen.

Both of which were eyeing you with matching grins.

“No.” You deadpan. “Don’t even think-“

“So Bucky seems nice.” Karen voices. “Helpful too.”

“And hot.” Elle adds.

You groan.

Across the house, Bucky was diligently ignoring the probing stares of Steve and Sam wile removing the planks on the front door.

“So. How did the door break again?” Steve questions for the hundredth time since finding out about it last night. His best friend had been tight lipped about the aftermath of yesterday and, after seeing how Bucky was with you, he could understand why.

“Hand me the hammer.” He grunts while gently yanking the first piece of wood off the frame. James wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with the others knowing who your brother was so, he chose silence, much to the Falcon’s irritation.

“Doubt the ex kicked it down.” The aforementioned bird continues. “Man barely looked like he could lift a chair let alone break down a solid door.”

Bucky wants to comment that you ex wasn’t a man as much as he was a rat as you so eloquently put it yesterday. He takes the hammer from his friend’s hand and uses it to pry another set of nails out. The ex- Winter Soldier refused to leave you in a house with no front door and, after a silent staring contest that lasted all of three minutes, you caved, showing him to your basement filled with half finished projects. Apparently, you were quite the handy person yourself but never finished anything due to lack of free time.

Luckily for him, you had been meaning to replace the doorframe for some time and you already had all of the parts and pieces he needed.

“The world may never know.” Bucky grumbles with a roll of his eyes, effectively putting an end to the door questions. He had been looking forward to another quiet day, away from the pitying eyes of his team and, if he were being honest with himself, seeing you again. He didn’t have to pretend to be okay around you and you didn’t push him to talk about things he wasn’t ready to say out loud.

Laysa wasn’t a bad incentive either.

Your house had quickly become a safe place for him. Something you made sure he knew when you both said your goodbyes last night.

Steve’s phone goes off and the Captain wastes no time in opening the new text message. “Claire’s filed for a transfer. Nat just got the request.”

For a split second, Bucky pauses. For some reason, he had thought that his ex-wife would have put up a bit more of a fight for him. A part of him wished she would have put her foot down, said no to the divorce and demanded they work things out.

He would have said no but, knowing that she had given their relationship up so quickly stung. Steve and Natasha knew that he still had love for Claire and were hesitant to bring her up, while the others kept telling him how glad they were that she was gone.

Suddenly the image of you landing a punch to Claire’s cheek pushes the thought from his mind and he regains control over his body.

“Wait. Nat got the request?” Sam questions. “Isn’t that a Maria thing?”

The bird-man had a good point. Claire was a SHIELD agent and that was Maria Hill’s turf.

“As if that was going to stop her.” Steve chuckles. “Romanoff doesn’t concern herself with minor legalities.”

James couldn’t complain. This was Natalia’s way of showing she cared and he appreciated it more than she knew. He was sure hell would freeze over before Claire stepped foot in the Avengers’ Compound again.

The Captain pockets his phone once more and watches his best friend work. The way Bucky’s whole body relaxed when he saw you outside hadn’t escaped his watchful eye. Even if he had managed to miss that, the way he had opened his arms to you without a second thought sure as hell would have caught the blond’s attention.

Bucky had gotten better with people touching him but, he still avoided it as much as he could. His best friend hadn’t gone out of his way to hug someone since before the war. Steve wasn’t oblivious, he could see the hurt that lingered in the ex- Winter Soldier’s eyes and he’d seen it mirrored in your own. The moment you walked yourself into Bucky’s arms the Captain knew that there was something between the two of you; a mutual understanding of one another’s pain.

No doubt Sam was going to tease him about it later but, Steve was happy. He couldn’t pretend to know what his best friend was going through right now. He was just glad that he had you to go through it with.

Minutes pass in blissful silence and Bucky has to restrain himself from strangling Sam when he breaks it with a corny joke.

“You guys should go to the zoo. I heard they offer senior discounts.”

While Steve frowns, a grin crawls onto Bucky’s face. He stays silent for a moment as he relishes what he’s about to say next.

“You’re a little late to that train. Already made that joke yesterday.” You take the words out of James’ mouth when you enter the room with Laysa clumsily trailing behind you.

“Oh that’s cold.” The Falcon grumbles and the sheer disappointment on his face brings a chuckle out of Bucky’s chest. He turns to find you smirking at the air force veteran while rolling your eyes.

Elle passes you and grabs a remote off of the coffee table. Sam’s words from earlier come to the forefront of Bucky’s mind. Your friend does seem eerily familiar but, he just couldn’t put his finger on why. Her standoffishness reminds him of Natalia in a way but, other than that, she seemed like a completely normal woman.

After hitting a few buttons music pours out of the television, filling the silence with a low tune.

Sam, ever the conversationalist, decides to break the awkward tension. “So, do you guys work with Y/N?”

Karen shakes her head. “Oh god no. That’s too much school for me. I’m a journalist and I work at our friend’s law firm as an assistant part time. Never a dull moment there.” She finishes sarcastically and, as normal people do, Sam and Steve look towards Elektra next.

Your breath catches in your throat when she clears her throat. “I’m a personal trainer. Moved here from Greece a few years back to live with my boyfriend.”

Her answer is surprisingly normal and you applaud her for adding the personal touch.

“She’s actually dating one of my best friends, Matt. He was one of the lawyers that got our papers together.” You fill in a couple blanks to make the story more believable. “And we of course know what you guys do for a living. Saving the world must be a dangerous way to get paid.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Karen and Elle struggle to keep a straight face. They were no stranger to danger (Elektra being the danger most of the time) and you all knew it.

“Someone’s gotta do it.” Sam boasts with a puffed out chest.

Steve is more subtle. “We try our best to keep people safe.”

Conversation flows steadily from that point on with Sam and Karen picking up the slack from Elle and Bucky. An hour passes in what feels like seconds and you’re fearing that Karen has finally met her match when Bucky and Steve shoot to a standing position.

Its an odd sense of déjà vu when James backs away from the door to stand in front of you just as it’s kicked in once more.

There’s no cloud of dust this time and you can clearly see the form of your brother rushing in with a hand on his weapon.

“Y/N! Are you okay? I saw-“ He trails off when he sees the three men in the living room.

“Are you kidding me?!” You yell, pushing James aside then stomping your way to your brother. “Again Frankie?! Again?!”

Despite your anger, you’re relieved to see that he’s not covered head to toe in blood but, that doesn’t stop you from smacking him upside his head. “What part of you have a key don’t you get? Stop kicking down my damn door!”

Frank’s posture relaxes immediately and he shrugs sheepishly. “I saw the bikes and I thought-“

“Thought what?! That I was being murdered at noon on a Monday?” As soon as the words leave your mouth you wish you can take them back. You remember how bright the sun was shining the day your brother lost his entire family. “I’m sorry. I know you’re just looking out for me because you’re a great big brother and I love you for it. Can you just do that without busting down my poor door?”

Sam lets out a quiet what the hell at your admission. His shock warms your heart- not because your brother’s reputation proceeds himself but, because Sam’s surprise tells you that Bucky hadn’t told the Avengers about Frank. A secret that was now moot.

“Nat’s gonna freak when she finds out.” Sam chuckles behind you and, once again, déjà vu creeps up your spine.

Déjà vu that turns into a shiver when a low and feminine voice cuts through the air. “Nat already knows and she came down here to make sure you three don’t get turned into pink mist and a memory. Looks like there was no need.”

You can see a speck of red hair from behind your brother’s hulking frame. This whole situation was getting more ridiculous by the moment and you revert to your wish for a quiet day.

You could handle one Avenger. Tolerate three. But add another, your brother, Elektra, and Karen to the mix? It was too much.

“Hey danger.” She adds, bumping your brother’s shoulder with a wink. You had to hand it to the woman. She knows what she wants and she goes for it. Her blatant flirting obviously catches Frank off guard and all he can manage is a furrowed brown and wide eyes. “You don’t seem too shocked by this Barnes.”

“Not my story Natalia.” His response is simple and to the point but it still brings a smile to your face.

Shaking off your surprise, you then grab your brother by his arm and wave Natasha into your home.

“I guess that answers our door question, Cap.” Sam chuckles.

The aforementioned Captain stares at you with wide blue eyes. You’d think for a century old man he’d have seen it all but, watching you manhandle the most gruesome vigilante in New York (ex-vigilante he reminds himself) wasn’t something he was prepared for. Steve know understood what Bucky meant when he said you were something.

“Kare- check him. Make sure he isn’t hiding any stab wounds or bullet holes from me.”

The petit blonde takes his hand with a smile before leading him away from the group. You didn’t put it past your brother to have just shoved gauze into an open wound and call it a day.

You unconsciously gravitate back to James and you don’t realize it until he lays a hand on your shoulder.

“At least I was just measuring when he kicked it down. I can have it fixed in no time.” His reassuring smile coupled with Laysa now rubbing against your leg calms your frazzled nerves. Your house hasn’t been this lively in years and, although you know you should embrace it, you were tired.

“Tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Castle isn’t the only reason I came here. We have a mission.” The redhead points to the Captain and Falcon. Both men stand at attention and you have the gnawing feeling that although Steve was the captain, Natasha was the leader. “Nice meeting you Y/N.”

You watch with a raised brow as she crosses the empty threshold once more before answering with a weak you too.

She pauses and looks up at the cracked door frame with a frown. “Barnes you’re in this one too but, finish this up first.” Steve and Same both bid their goodbyes before following the woman out. You don’t let out the breath you’ve been holding until you hear three motorcycle start up and disappear down the street.

Karen comes back out- frowning at the now empty room before she shakes her head. “He’s clean but it doesn’t look like he’s slept in days.”

You scoop Laysa up with a frown. He was having his nightmares again and it had you worried. Guilt creeps into your veins when the thought crosses your mind. Patrick hurting you might have dredged up the past for Frank which explains why he rushed in earlier.

“I’ll take him hom-“

“No. I’ll take him. You have enough on your plate right now he won’t talk to you. You know that.” Karen bites her thumb after cutting you off. You could never piece together the nature of the bond she and your brother shared but, you’re happy that it’s there nonetheless. She was right, Frank would rather die than add his own problems to your full plate.

“Thank you.” You nod solemnly and she disappears from sight. Moments later you hear the back door close and you sigh.

“That’s my cue. Matt and I have plans for tonight and I’ve gotta get ready. You know- limber up.” Elektra stands with a cat-like grin. Her words have James coughing in shock and you snort. You almost want to tell Bucky the truth but you knew telling an Avenger that your blind best friend and his girlfriend were planning on canvasing the city to fight bad guys wasn’t the best plan, so you leave him to his embarrassment then give the woman a hug.

“I’ll talk to you both later. Be careful.” Out of the corner of your eye you see a blush burn onto Barnes’ face. Maybe it was cruel to tease him like this but, no one said that cruel couldn’t be funny.

She disappears in a flash of black hair, leaving you and Bucky blissfully alone.

“That was something.” You groan before plopping onto the couch. Of the several scenarios you had run through your head of meeting Bucky’s friends- the one that just transpired wasn’t one of them.

“It could’ve been worse.” He shrugs, picking up the forgotten door in an amazing display of muscle that has your eyes lingering on his back. “I think your brother and Natalia showing up added a bit of spice.”

You slam a pillow over your face hoping that it would somehow erase the memory of the last twenty minutes from your mind. “Weren’t you born in the twenties or something? Didn’t think you could handle spice.”

The playful jab has him shaking his head with a smile.

“I’ll have you know that I’ve eaten Carolina Reaper wings before. I can handle spice just fine.”

The pillow over your face muffles the snort that leaves your throat at his defense. The mention of the infamous pepper brings up an old memory from college.

“I almost killed Foggy with Reaper wings. He didn’t know what they were and, after eating one, he rushed for anything to stop the burn. He ended up grabbing a brownie laced with Black Scorpion pepper. Immediately started throwing up.” You find the strength to remove the pillow from your head with a bright laugh. “He had to chug half a gallon of milk to stop.”

Those had been easier times. Back when the three of you had the whole world ahead of you.

“Who laces brownies with pepper?” The man across the room frowns. “That’s just wrong.”

“Hey! It was a Halloween party. Trick or Treat.”

“Remind me to never come to one of your parties then.”

You gasp in indignation ready to fire back with I’ll have you know that I used to throw great parties before you think better of it. You stopped throwing parties years ago because Patrick never hid how much he disliked parties and your friends in general.

The thought of your ex-husband douses you in cold water causing a shiver to run down your spine. Instead of answering, you run your fingers through Laysa’s soft fur to calm yourself down. Glancing at James across the room, it appears as though he lost in thought as well. The clock on the wall strikes one in the afternoon.

It has officially been twenty-four hours since you both confronted your spouses. It was a thought that was both liberating and terrifying.

“We’re going to be okay. Right?” The words escape you before you can bottle them back up and, when Bucky freezes, you wish you could take them back.

“Yeah. We’re going to be better than okay Doll. Maybe not today but, eventually.” His deep voice wavers slightly causing you to worry your lip between your teeth. You had the feeling he wasn’t normally this open with his friends and an odd mix of feelings swirl in your chest; relief, a little bit of pride, and another that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

Regardless it’s that feeling you can’t put a finger on that has you standing up. “Natasha said you have a mission?”

“Yeah. S’gonna be a rough one if all of us have been called in.” This time there is no waver of worry in his voice. He’s firm and matter of fact in a way the reminds you of your brother and Matt. That didn’t make you fear for his safety any less.

You decide to follow the same routine as you do with your friends who like to put themselves in dangerous situations on a regular basis.

“Do you have time for a home cooked meal before you go?”

Once again the man pauses but, this time he turns to you slowly as a smile grows on his handsome face.

“Yeah sweetheart. I’d like that.

Tags: @luthien-t @vicmc624 @cherryblossomskye

#Bucky Barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky #marvel #the avengers

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subtlereferencetomyinterests · 4 years ago

Text

I Taste Honey but I Haven’t Seen the Hive - Chapter Seven

Ao3, Masterpost, C.1 C.2 C.3 C.4 C.5 C.6

Relationships: eventual queer-platonic intruality, platonic dlampr.

okay. so. last time we heard anything out of me was *New Years*, Literally, and maybe i should’ve mentioned that I was taking a little hiatus, but oh well. i’m back now and i’m gonna post the last three chapters of this fanfiction as soon as I possibly can (so probably like all of them will be up by tmrw at the latest!!) to make up for my absence. but jokes on you, cuz I did actually finish this thing!!! >:P

(oh yeah, and there are no italics, thanks to tumblr’s copy/paste bulls//t. i continue to be lazy :3 if anything sounds stilted just imagine that theres an italicized word there and yeah.)

Warnings: cursing, sexual innuendo, discussions of sexuality, misunderstandings, Emotional Conversations, sharing a bed, mild body horror (remus’ existence lol), stress, h/c.

Word count: 7,967

The hallway was cold, and dark. It had been long-since abandoned of any life, with every door shut and each light dimmed- even Virgil’s. That day- the day of the meeting- had exhausted everyone enough to send them right to sleep mode.

Everyone except Remus and Patton.

Their heart-to-heart in the kitchen had dragged on a little longer than either had expected, letting night descend fully over the Mindpalace. Patton was the one to notice the time eventually, and drag his less-than-restful friend up the stairs with him- he could tell that the other was dead tired, though. His stubborn determination not to end the conversation didn’t sit well, but Patton couldn’t think what to make of it, and they really did need some sleep.

They reached Patton’s door first. He stopped in front of it, when Remus tugged his hand back insistently. He turned to him, letting out a confused hum, and was met with a scowl and a sigh.

Remus was looking even more resigned than he had when they first started talking that night. Patton waited, worried.

“This isn’t, um,” Remus exhaled, ragged around the edges. “This isn’t a pick-up line, okay, and I know that it’ll sound that way and I know that it’s me but. I really don’t wanna be alone tonight.”

Oh.

Patton’s heart ached- and his heart was big, it took up most of him. He felt the pain spread out from his center and into his fingertips and toes, hot and empathetic. Because how could he hear something like that, and not want to spend the rest of the night doting on the creature in front of him until that voice never sounded so small again, till he was as big and confident as he was meant to be?

“I don’t think I want to be alone, either,” Patton said.

Remus stared, his big scarlet eyes casting a faint glow in the dark. They were wide, cautiously hopeful.

“Yeah?” He muttered.

“Yeah.”

Patton opened the door, and led them both inside.

Remus shuffled around on the other side of the bed, but Patton was still, however much he wanted to squirm.

“Um.”

The movement stopped, and he flushed at the feeling of being watched in the dark. There really was no un-awkward way to say it, was there?

“Remus, since you’re staying, do you- um, do you mind doing me a favor?”

Remus, little more than a silhouette, propped himself up on his elbow, a tilt to his head. “A favor? Of course, anything for you, Pat,” his words were a purr, and Patton could envision the suggestive smirk on his face in perfect clarity. Patton felt another well of discomfort bubble in his stomach.

“Could you at least wear some clothes, please?”

There was a beat. Remus laughed, short and good-natured.

“Yeah, I sorta figured I would. It’s no problem.”

“Thank you,” Patton sighed, relieved.

“Don’t worry about it,” he paused, and that really would’ve been the end of it, but Patton had learned by then when Remus was about to make a joke. He took a little breath while the words were still clicking together in his head, and a grin crept into his voice. “There’s always tomorrow night to try this clothesless, eh?”

“I’m asexual,” Patton blurted, and he could feel the heat radiating from his face, though he didn’t even know why he was so uncomfortable. It was a joke, Remus was just joking. They were friends and Patton should’ve been used to it- but he’d already gotten so sensitive that night, and jokes like that always hit just a little different than the violent ones or the curses. It must have been a breaking point, or something.

Remus shifted again, laying on his back. Patton wondered if he’d made things awkward.

“Oh,” Remus said, “Oh wow, that makes so much sense!”

“It- It does?” Patton sat up, staring at the other with a mix of surprise and relief. Remus blinked up at him, nodding.

“Well, yeah, that explains why you get so squirmy whenever anybody even implies something to do with sex. I always thought you were just, like, a prude.”

Patton ran his hands over the comforter that pooled around his legs, shrugging. He wasn’t nervous, so much as he was fidgety. “Well, maybe it was some of that, too,” he joked.

Remus snorted, rolling onto his side and catching one of Patton’s hands in his own. He held it, playing with Patton’s fingers like he was trying to focus.

“Hey,” he sighed, heavy, “Sorry.”

“Huh? What for?”

“C’mon, you know,” Remus gestured around with his free hand, “All the jokes, and all the times I hit on you, like, graphically. I was kidding, obviously, it was just that you always had the best reactions. If I’d known why, I mean. I don’t know if I’d have actually stopped, but whatever. Different time, different me. I’m stopping now, kay?”

Patton’s eyes went wide. He hadn’t- He wasn’t trying to make Remus stop, that wasn’t fair. He knew how important staying true to himself was to Remus, and if he’d actually managed to guilt-trip any of that away, he didn’t think he’d forgive himself.

“Oh, it’s really okay, I mean- I know you like talking about stuff like that, who am I to say you shouldn’t?”

“You never said that, actually.”

Patton nodded, even if Remus couldn’t see him, and even if he was pretty sure they were on different pages. “Exactly. You shouldn’t go changing just to make me comfortable, I’ll get used to the jokes! I guess I just wanted to know that they were, which, obviously yeah, but… um, I’m bad with knowing what tone is which, sometimes, so-”

“Ugh, Patton,” Remus was laughing, leaning up and grasping tighter around Patton’s hand, with a tone that said plainly: please shut up. Patton did, biting the inside of his cheek. “Look,” Remus huffed, “I know what you’re trying to say, and it’s real sweet that you’re so worried about this, but it’s not exactly like I’m telling you that I’m reinventing myself. I’ll definitely keep saying plenty of horny shit, trust me, I can just drop it with the comments about ya. It wouldn’t even be funny anymore; fucking with people is cool, right, but making someone I actually like feel ‘icky’, or whatever, isn’t really the same thing. It’s no big sacrifice trying to make you feel safer with me, got it?”

Remus’ eyes were on his, glowing with concern. Patton felt his face flush for an entirely new reason, nothing to do with embarrassment.

“You want to make me feel safe?” Patton grinned, just this side of giddy. “That’s a new one.”

Remus made a vague grumbly sound; it shouldn’t have been as cute as it was. “Yeah, okay, so what if I do?”

“It’s okay if you do. It’s sweet.”

“Maybe it is. Besides, you aren’t the only aspec side around,” he shrugged, “I’m not too big on the dating side of things, myself.”

Patton’s smile widened. “Thank you. I mean, for understanding, and… getting me out of my own head about all this.”

“I gotcha,” a claw traced over Patton’s knuckles, idly, “No need for thanks.”

“I’ll give it anyway, you know that.”

Remus snorted. “Mhmmm.”

With the remains of embarrassment finally fading away, Patton yawned, and remembered just how tired he was. He laid himself down finally, relaxing as his back hit the mattress. No sooner after he’d done so, Remus was letting go of his hand in favor of curling around him and setting his head on Patton’s chest.

Patton would be lying if he said it wasn’t a relief, feeling the other unhesitant to curl up against him still. He looped his own arms around the smaller figure, practically on top of him, and traced patterns against Remus’ back.

In hindsight, Patton couldn’t remember ever falling asleep so easily.

The morning after, there was a crisis. A Thomas-crisis, and an emotional one, which set Patton up for a busy, busy day (or morning-through-afternoon, but it was well more than enough work for one day). The one upside to the whole mess was that he didn’t have to deal with it alone, because emotional distress fell neatly into Virgil’s area of expertise as well as his own.

At some point, you’d think they’d get numb to the endless dilemmas every other day, but with each new outing it got clearer and clearer that panic was just a part of life. Most weeks had at least one incident; there would be a mistake at the post office that needed to be worked out in person (which Patton didn’t mind, really, but Virgil hated, and Roman thought was a waste of time), there was an event for a friend of a friend that for some reason they were socially obligated to go to (which no one liked but Roman, who always thought they were one person away from being ‘discovered’), or- the present situation- there were pre-established plans that all the sides had somehow forgotten about until they were shoved into it at the last second.

Patton jolted awake with a gasp, the urgency of his human throwing him out of sleep. It was a full two hours later than he usually woke up, something he would’ve loved to appreciate on any other day. His bed was already empty- the warmth of another person still there, the covers still scrunched, but empty- which did serve to make his morning routine quicker. He dressed with a fervor that he couldn’t even place, manic exhaustion already soaking into him and making plans to stay there all day. It was going to be a rough one, being around people.

But, Patton knew it wouldn’t be hard to ignore all that, for a little bit at least. There was still a bright side, and that side was Virgil! Who he got to spend all day with! Working, sure, but still- work done with a loved one is never work at all.

“Yeah, I don’t know if that rings true, Pat,” was Virgil’s response to the sentiment, when Patton told him.

“You’re smiling,” Patton said, because he was.

“What?” Virgil covered his mouth, “No, I’m not- shut up.”

“You believe me, I know you do. You looove me.”

“Says you,” his mouth may have been covered, but the crows feet under his eyes creased more. His shoulders were just a little less tense, too, enough to tell Patton he was right.

That morning wasn’t great, but, they made it better.

Remus had woken up in a lot of places that were decisively not his bed. The floor? Sure. The imagination? Oh, absolutely. Underneath furniture, on top of furniture, and on counters- anywhere lie-down-able, been there and done that. Just for the fun of it, really, and a nice shock to whoever found him curled up in the sink or beneath cabinets. He was used to a crick in the neck or a splotch of red, rough carpet print on the side of the face.

So he didn’t really know why, waking up in someone else’s bed, he jolted out of it so quick, he looked like he’d been electrocuted. Or why, after scrambling out of Patton’s arms with whatever carefulness he could manage, he bolted from the scene entirely.

Remus began the slow process of piecing it together after he all but slammed the door behind him, trembling and cursing his way down the hall. He dragged away from Patton’s room and let his back hit the wall, sliding to the floor with a kind of hysteria he could only describe as itchy-vomity-terrifying-amazing.

He did itch at his skin, he was feeling a bit sick, a bit scared, but he thought he might’ve been grinning anyway, so the description fit well enough. Except, nothing was fitting actually well, right then.

The closeness. The attention. The fact that he’d spent eight hours of sleep getting a full dosage of both those things. The fact that it had been more of both of them than he could remember getting, ever. Of course he’d scrambled away- how else could he react!?

Remus didn’t get overwhelmed. Except, apparently he did! What another fun surprise!

A door creaked open down the hall (thank God not Patton’s). Remus felt the eyes on him, and looked up- manically, he looked well and truly manic.

Logan blinked at him. He looked a lot like an owl in the mornings, Remus noted. One of those smart ones, obviously, not one of the ones that fucks around counting licks on a lollipop.

Logan cleared his throat.

“Remus? Is everything alright?”

Remus shrugged, grinning. “Maybe! Who knows, though, right? It’s a lot, you know?”

Logan did not know, and said as much. Remus only laughed, letting his head hit back against the wall in the process.

He still felt warm, inside and out, after all that cuddling. It was weird, good-weird, but still so new. And, like he said, a lot. He’d felt that kind of warmth before, but definitely not as much- and he knew he needed to distract himself before he went crazy. Or, before his rattrap of a brain ruined the maybe-possibly good feelings for him.

“Hey, any chance you’re busy today?”

Logan hovered in his doorway for a minute before ultimately deciding to step out, probably determining the interaction as a prolonged one. He didn’t look too put-off about it, though.

“A very high chance,” he said, “But for now I am not. Is there something you need?”

“A distraction.”

“Ah.”

“So, you up for it?” Remus pulled himself up from the floor, popping a few joints. “At least for the morning, yeah, Geek?”

“Of course,” he smirked, “Provided you can call me by actual name at least once in this conversation.”

Remus grinned, probably coming off more relieved than he intended. “Eh, we’ll see about that one, Dweeb.”

Logan met him halfway down the hall, not looking at all surprised by the response. He looked, if anything, amused. Remus found himself remembering very abruptly that the two of them got along, were probably friends, and somehow that fact was still novel to him. Or maybe it was the mood. Probably both.

“Well, it was worth a try,” Logan reasoned.

“Oh, sure.”

“What were you thinking we should do, anyway?”

Remus raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“I’m afraid that’s off the table,” Logan told him.

“Aw, fine. Surprise me, then.”

“That will be hard.”

Remus laughed, unsteady and shrill.

“C’mon, I know you’ve got it in ya.”

Logan smiled, just-nearly-almost mischievous. “Well. I’ll see what I can do.”

And for just a second, some of the panic slipped away, leaving behind that strange warmth.

Patton didn’t exactly let Janus know he was coming by. It had been a long day- or, a long five hour period between ten in the morning and three in the afternoon, but still, the idea that there was any day left at all made Patton want to melt into the nearest soft object and never get up.

When Patton needed to melt, he went to Janus’. Maybe it was the big armchairs; maybe it was the comforting, gooey little white-lies that soaked the atmosphere of his room; maybe it was the fact that his voice was so very easy to fall asleep to. Most likely, at least part of it was because he always seemed to enjoy taking care of people, anyway.

It was a nice combination, and exactly what was needed. Patton could apologize for not knocking later, ideally when he wasn’t falling asleep where he stood.

“Janusss,” he groaned, by way of greeting, and promptly collapsed onto the nearest soft surface while the door swung shut behind him.

Janus blinked at him from across the room, surprise lasting for approximately three seconds. He turned around, and sighed.

“Well, hello to you, too.”

Patton hummed, drearily.

“You look cheery,” Janus quipped, “Anything you’d like to talk about?”

The question was spoken lightly, but not insincere. Patton lifted his head enough to smile tiredly at the snake. He shrugged, for the room was working it's magic already, as was the easy company to be found there. Stress was easing away, in small bits, evaporating into warm shimmers under his skin. He had no doubt that Janus was doing some of it on purpose, as soon as he’d noticed the mood Patton was in, giving him a blanket of speckled reassurances (which were, as Janus insisted to him time and time again, just a tiny, harmless breed of pleasant lies) in an almost-literal way.

Most things about the sides’ rooms were like that. Almost-literal; concepts that crept their way into the physical world, if only slightly. Janus was the best at those kinds of things, though.

“’S just been a tiring day, y’know?”

Janus sat beside him, toying with some spare yellow strings, weaving and unweaving them almost carelessly. “I do.”

“A tiring night, too,” Patton added, an afterthought, but he found as he said so that it was true. Long in a good way. An impactful way. It felt like something important had happened, something that changed, but he didn't quite know what. It was still just as draining, though.

Janus raised an eyebrow, but he did not pry (even if he most likely wanted to).“So, you’ve come here.”

“Do you mind if I just rest in here for a bit?” He said, as he’d already gotten quite comfortable.

“Why don’t I do you one better?”

Patton hummed confusedly, but Janus had already begun urging him to sit up. The snake waved a hand, filling the room with light, swirling piano music. At once the air seemed to grow fuzzy, spicks and specks of what looked like golden glitter floating around- not unlike from the distortion Patton’s own room gave him when he was happy. Janus smiled down at him, summoning a neat little tea set on a tray and fixing them each a cup of the swirling, caramel-colored liquid.

Patton sighed happily, taking the teacup he was proffered and thanking the lord for whatever he’d done to deserve a friend like Janus.

Janus sat beside him, balancing the tea tray on an end table, and let their shoulders bump. He wasn’t a touchy person, exactly, but he allowed for a conservative amount of casual intimacy. Occasionally, and in an unspoken way, but still.

The atmosphere had exactly the intended effect. Patton felt paradisiacal.

“Gosh, what would any of us do without you?”

Janus hummed. “You’d most certainly perish.”

Patton laughed, his chest lighter already.

Remus felt good for about ten seconds after leaving Logan’s room and letting the guy get to work, fresh off the good morning he’d had. Then, very promptly, the weight that the remaining hours of daylight carried dropped onto his shoulders, and he would’ve been perfectly willing to claw his brain out to get a moment of reprieve from the whole barrage of irrational terror worming around in it.

Remus didn’t know why it was so bad that day (well- he had a guess, but thinking about it obviously made it suck worse, so). What he did know was that he needed someone to keep fucking distracting him, and that someone could under no circumstances be Patton.

Luckily, avoiding him wasn’t hard- he was still busy, and Remus had a feeling he’d need a rest once Thomas’ crisis was over, anyway- but that didn’t do much to solve the other half of Remus’ problem.

He needed something big, loud, and most importantly, not solo. He needed someone that could take up a whole room just as easily as himself, with endless energy to bounce back and forth, back and forth, until neither of them would ever worry about anything other than the moment and whatever it was they would do together…

Oh, god fucking dammit.

Remus sunk out to the Imagination. No, not his. The opposite half.

He rose up into more than a blank canvas, but less than a finished work; a vibrant world with gaps and white spots. He might’ve taken the time to look around, but- unsurprisingly- his brother was in front of him, accosting him, immediately. Seriously, it was like he’d teleported.

“What are you doing here?” Roman snapped, his hands, still splattered with ink, landing on his hips.

“Aw, so now I’m not even allowed to visit my own flesh and blood, and other various parts?”

Roman scrunched his nose up. “No, you aren’t allowed. This is my room!”

Remus- as he always did when someone said he couldn’t do something- cackled.

“I’m serious!” Roman whined, “I’m busy!”

Now, he said that, but Remus knew from personal experience that if Roman wanted him gone, he could’ve forced him out without too much issue- or worse yet, attacked him outright. He didn’t seem to be about to spring, though, not looking any worse than annoyed, so Remus happily decided that this interaction fell into the normal-and-healthy-sibling-bickering category instead of the unfortunately familiar would-genuinely-commit-fratricide-if-possible category.

He grinned. “Yeah, and I’m bored!”

“Not my problem, and you’re still in my room.”

“What, worried I’ll gunk up all your magic ponies and Yellow Brick Roads, or whatever it is you like to play with around here?”

“Yes, I am!” Roman scowled, but it looked a lot like he was straining his jaw not to laugh. “And you know I don’t make those, you fiend, I made a unicorn once and that was only because Logan wanted one.”

“You’re shitting me if you say that you weren’t the kid who always wanted a pony, Ro.”

“Well, how’s a pony any better than a thestral, which I seem to remember someone getting all excited about when we first read the-books-that-shall-not-be-named?”

“Ooh! Good idea, we should abso-fucking-lutely make those!” Remus wandered past his brother, looking around at the half-finished scene that he’d walked in on. It was sunny, pleasant- all around very vanilla, but there was at least a sense of adventure thrumming under it that gave the place a kick. With some work, it could actually be, like, fun! “Ever see somebody die? Don’t worry, I can help with that.”

Roman turned to him, looking hilariously incredulous with what was happening.

“Um? Excuse me? This is my domain,” he blinked, and a smug smirk crossed his lips. “Which means that you don’t have the power to make anything here! So, ha!”

Oh, right. That made a lot of sense, actually. How had he forgotten that? It wasn’t like this was the first time he’d tried to make something with his brother, right?

…Wow. That had no business hurting as much as it did.

“Uh- Remus?”

His head snapped up, a smile with too-many teeth already strained across his face. Remus’ head was scattered enough, coming here wasn’t supposed to make it worse.

“Sure, okay- there’s gotta be some way for us to build stuff together!”

Roman stared appraisingly at his sibling, apparently thinking before he argued for the one and only time in his life. He tilted his head in confusion, perhaps worry.

“I- well-” Roman glanced at what he’d been making, and down at his hands. “I’m sure I could, perhaps, let you have power here. Just this once.” He huffed. “It’s my room, right? So there’s no reason why I couldn’t do that, if I wanted.”

“Do you?”

“Ugh.” Roman rolled his eyes, perfunctorily. “Fine. I don’t know what’s up with you, but I’d rather you be your normal weird-self than… whatever this is,” Roman stuck his hand out, his chin raised like it was a challenge. “Good?”

Remus grabbed his hand (and did not buzzer him, or slime him, even though it would have been so easy- because they were having A Moment and even he could appreciate the sanctity of something like that).

“Yeah,” he said. “We’re good.”

Roman, as it turned out, was able to tolerate Remus for a whopping six hours, right up until five p.m., and only shooed him away in order to finish the project that he’d more-or-less happily dropped when Remus stopped by. So Roman wasn’t the worst brother in the world, Remus acknowledged. He then resolved to never, under any circumstances, say that to Roman’s face.

The door to the Imagination shut with a click. The sound matched almost perfectly with another, sharper one down the hall, what Remus recognized as Janus’ door closing. He glanced up with a grin, wondering if he could maybe get Snakey to distract him for a while- only to lock eyes with precisely what he needed distracting from.

Patton smiled at him. He looked tired, relaxed, and raised a hand in some semblance of a wave. It would probably be a great opportunity to unwind together, talk stuff out, and definitely curl into each other on the couch.

Remus wasn’t going to take that opportunity, though.

Remus stared back at Patton for all of three seconds, the grin sliding off his face, before barging through the nearest door and slamming it behind himself.

Shit. Fuck. What the hell did he do that for? It was just Patton, Remus knew Patton; there was no reason to be jittery enough to bolt from him twice. There was no way Patton wouldn’t think he was mad- which he wasn’t, even if he barely understood why he was losing it, he knew it wasn’t anger. But Patton wouldn’t know that, and he’d cry, probably, and Remus wasn’t sure if he was good enough at comforting people to fix it after. Christ, maybe he couldn’t fix it, maybe he’d still be too keyed up to talk to Pat, even if he started bawling!

“Hey? What the fuck?”

Remus spun around, and yeah, he could’ve guessed whose room he ended up in without the gravelly voice to give it away, given that little spiral. A surprised-looking Virgil stared up at him, sitting cross-legged on a spiderweb bedspread.

Remus ignored the thin layer of anxiety still rolling under his skin (now that he could place it), and shrugged, sliding until he sat on the floor.

“Oh, hi,” he said.

“Yeah, hi to you too, but my question still stands:” Virgil clapped his hands together, “What. The fuck?”

Remus considered a few possible snarky responses, but found that most of them were pretty pathetic. Besides, evading vulnerable situations was more of Janus’ thing, and Remus didn’t want to steal his bit.

“I’m hiding like a little bitch, so don’t kick me out, or I’ll maul you.”

Virgil’s eyebrows went up, but the surprise in his face was being replaced, slowly, by confused resignation. “Okay, cool. Why here, and why me?”

“First door.”

“Yeah, that’s about my luck,” he blew his bangs out of his face, “So like, you’re not gonna go anywhere else?”

Remus thought about it, but it was an easy choice. If he was gonna whine to anybody about something like this, he decided, it’d probably be Virgil. Virgil was good with fear, he was good with Patton, and he was good at making fun of shit if a conversation got too serious.

“Nah. Sorry, Emo Boy, but I’ve already annoyed Logan and my dipshit brother today. Looks like it’s your turn!”

“What about Janus?”

“Eh, he’s a live-in therapist for the rest of you already. I think I’ll give him the day off.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, sighing with all the exasperation of a teenage burnout and not a thirty-year-old metaphysical humanoid.

“Okay, okay- and why’s Patton off the table? He, like, actually enjoys helping people,” Virgil glanced down, scuffing the carpet with the side of his foot. “He’s good at it, too.”

“Yeahhhh,” Remus locked his teeth together, inhaled through them, “About that.”

“What, aren’t you two all close now?” Virgil frowned, “I fuckin’ saw you guys at the meeting yesterday, you were so on top of each other, I feel like I forgot that you were two separate sides,” to anybody who didn’t know him, the way he talked about it would sound harsh. Remus, however, knew exactly how soft Virgil really was- the fucking poser- and that that shit? That was pure encouragement, raw as a bloody, bloody steak.

Which, of course, only made Remus wince again.

He flopped sideways onto the floor, groaning. “Yeah, we’re close. That’s- I think that might be the problem?” That sounded right, almost, but just wrong enough to feel icky and annoying. “Ugh, I don’t know. So I just ran!”

There was a beat.

“Wait a second,” Virgil’s voice was tight- oh that bitch, he was laughing! “You’re hiding from Patton?”

Remus huffed. Okay, so maybe it was a little funny, he could appreciate that- but! He was still upset about it!!

“I mean, what has he done to scare you off?” Virgil pressed, “Too many compliments? Did he hug you too hard? I know the dude can be a lot sometimes, but-”

“Okay, ok-ay,” Remus couldn’t help it, he managed a laugh at it, too. “It’s ridiculous! It’s fucking ridiculous and he’s not even the problem!”

“Then what is the problem?” Virgil was snickering, “And don’t say that it’s you, dude. At least one of us around here has to not hate himself to hell and back, and you’ve defended that title for too long to lose it,” he cleared his throat right after he said it, sitting up straighter and trying to look like he hadn’t just been laughing like a huge dork. “Not that I’m, like, worried about you or anything.”

“Aw, you so are,” Remus stared up at the ceiling, grinning despite the ache in his chest. “But no, it’s not that. He thinks I’m awesome and he’s right, so don’t worry.”

Virgil leaned over him, staring upside-down at Remus. He squinted.

“Hey, this a serious problem?”

“I guess so. You can joke about it, though.”

“Cool. Um,” Virgil pulled away. Remus sat up, watching the trait cross one leg over the other, flip them, then tap his knee one-two-three-etc. times. He chewed on his lip. The whole nine yards of a classic Focused-Virgil Face. “Okay. You can tell me about it, seriously. I’ll try to help, or whatever.”

Remus blinked at him.

“Don’t- Jesus- don’t make a big deal out of it, dude-”

“Oh, I am.”

“I don’t even have a choice, okay, you’re the one who-”

“You’re so sweet, Virgey!”

“Remus, I swear to God, repeat that to anyone and I…”

Virgil trailed off. Remus pouted at him, dramatically, his eyes practically glowing with mischief. “C’mon, aren’t you going to threaten me?”

“I was, and then I remembered that you’re like, actually into that kinda stuff, so. No. Nope, I’m good.”

“Fine,” he shrugged, “Looks like you’re resigned to just hearing about my feelings, instead!”

Virgil rolled his eyes again- of course he did- but there was no hiding the way he went quiet, patient, you could even call it attentive.

It was an offering, one that Remus didn’t hesitate to take.

Patton left Janus’ room in a good mood.

He was in a considerably less good mood when, as soon as he’d left, Remus saw him and scrambled away like Patton was about to attack him where he stood- wide-eyed with fear and everything.

Patton swayed in the hallway for seconds after, uncertain about a lot of things suddenly.

The room Remus had run into had definitely been Virgil’s, not his own, and for a moment Patton entertained the idea of just going up to knock. He dropped that thought quick, realizing that if he really wasn’t wanted, then he definitely didn’t want to confirm that he wasn’t wanted.

He might have gone back to Janus- Janus was smart, Janus knew how to explain things and solve problems and comfort people- but that was scrapped, too. He’d taken up plenty of the snake’s time already, firstly, and secondly… No, yeah, Patton already knew just who he needed to see for something like this.

Logan set aside his laptop as soon as Patton walked into the common room, a surprisingly perceptive gesture for someone who claimed to be bad with feelings. Or maybe Patton had just gotten rusty at hiding them.

“Hi,” he greeted, wobbly.

“Hello,” Logan said, “You look upset.”

Patton stared at the wall just above his friend’s head, and nodded.

“Can I help?”

He paused. It was a bad habit- one of many!- but feeling unwanted by one side made him wonder if, maybe, he was unwanted by everyone. The thought formed a lump in his throat and had guilt pooling in his gut, but this was Logan. His best friend, the person he had gone to because he always knew just where he stood with him. If Logan didn’t want to help- no, because he always wanted to- if he couldn’t handle helping, then he would tell Patton that. He always did.

“I think Remus is upset with me,” Patton blurted it out quickly, just so he didn’t have to hear them. Logan vanished his laptop at once, gesturing to the spot beside him on the sofa. Patton sat with him, smiling feebly.

“Has he said anything of the sort?”

“No,” Patton picked at the sleeve of his sweater, “He didn’t really have to. He kind of… ran away from me?”

Logan’s eyes widened behind his frames, almost imperceptibly. “I see.”

“I don’t even know what I did,” Patton flushed with the admission, because of just how true it was. He had no idea what he did, and still he felt blame settling over him like a well worn blanket, and all that he could do was hope it wasn’t as bad as the last time. “I feel like I should know this stuff by now, shouldn’t I?”

There was a pause, as Logan processed the words carefully, seemed to turn them over in his head.

“Be careful not to jump to conclusions, Patton. He typically freely expresses how he is feeling at any given time, so even if his actions seem to say otherwise, it’s entirely possible that he’s not upset with you,” Logan smiled reassuringly. “I find that most of his actions are meaningless. He’s a very weird creature.”

Patton managed to laugh at that. Logan leaned their shoulders together, a little pride flashing in his eyes, as he continued. “He did seem to be ‘out of it’, in a manner of speaking, when we spoke earlier today. It would make sense if that had worsened over the past few hours, and now he’s just particularly flighty. All in all, I wouldn’t read too much into it, if I were you.”

Patton nodded, resolutely not mentioning that they’d spent the night together, however relevant that was. He knew it would sound paranoid to imply that their intimacy had backfired, or come too quick- because Patton was paranoid, and certainly a little neurotic, and the less he voiced it the better.

Instead, he followed the advice he didn’t believe, and let himself rest against his friend. Logan had laced their fingers together; it wasn’t as comforting as it usually was.

Logan was only so touchy when it was for the sake of others, and almost always that ‘other’ was Patton. A fact that made the needy trait feel amazingly special most of the time, but on nights like that… More than anything, he felt greedy.

“I’ll ask him about it,” Patton promised, because he knew that was what Logan would suggest (even if the idea made him more than a little dreadfilled). “Maybe I overwhelmed him. He’s been cuddly, so I thought…” Patton shook his head, bile hitting the back of his throat as the realization collapsed upon him. “That’s probably it. I must have took it too far.”

Logan didn’t pry, but Patton could feel his concern mount just as well as he could see the frown on his face.

“Talking to him will be the best course of action,” he said plainly. “For the time being, though,” he released Patton’s hand, wrapping his arm loosely around Patton’s waist and leaving it there. “It might be beneficial for you to receive more reassurance. Is this alright?”

“Yes,” Patton ducked his head, knowing full well how obviously relieved he sounded, “Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me, I’m happy to help,” Logan told him, and he had no doubt that it was true. Still, it always surprised him anyway- and that at least was a good thing about a friend who was so reserved. The pleasant surprises.

Patton sat up enough to rest his head on top of Logan’s, a position that was almost but not quite cuddling.

“I sincerely hope,” Logan muttered, “That everything will be alright for you.”

Whether he was speaking only about the Remus situation or not was unclear.

“Me too.”

“If it’s any consolation, it’s very difficult to stay upset with you, if he truly is so. In my experience, at least.”

Patton sighed. “Thanks, buddy.”

“Of course. Your happiness is-... you, are very important to me, and I can only hope that you’ve made a friend that values you as much as I do.”

Patton knew what he meant by it. Both he and Logan were acutely aware of how different they were, and how little they matched with each other. Patton couldn’t understand him- not wanting to be showered in love, enjoying silence and a little bit of alone time, needing space. He knew that Logan didn’t get him, either- didn’t know why he cried all the time, or why nothing ever seemed to fix him for good, or why he said so many things that went without saying. They still struggled with each other’s languages, sometimes, but they’d gotten miles and miles better with it over the years. Sometimes Patton thought that the only way they’d become so close was sheer willpower, pushing past each misunderstanding and argument just because they liked the challenge of it. Determination was always a common thread between them, whatever differences they had.

They had to have boundaries, then. Logan might not hold Patton on his worst days, but he’d give him notes and gifts and bring him water, food, things that he neglected for himself. Patton didn’t have any of the right words to talk Logan down when things got bad, but he was always there to cheer him back up when he was ready again. Neither of them understood each other, and maybe they never would, but they cared. Even if they couldn’t be what the other needed, they cared, and that was all they had to do.

So even if Logan couldn’t fix things, Patton thought, he still did a hell of a good job patching them up.

“Hey. Hey!”

Patton turned around with a jolt, his fingers going tight in the blanket about his shoulders. How long he’d been downstairs, he didn’t know- but he knew that he was really, very tired, and now was left blinking and confused at the person accosting him with so much energy.

“Um, hi,” Patton tried.

Remus had run up to him at once, and was just as suddenly seizing both of his hands. Patton might have taken a moment to appreciate the touch, but with just one sentence that positivity crumbled:

“I need to talk to you.”

Patton shoved a plastic smile onto his face. He always felt a little icky to be faking it, but with Remus, the shame was especially thick. Still, it was only instinct.

“Okay.”

Patton opened the door; the Duke marched in without waiting for invitation, and he followed.

Dread dripped down his spine like melting ice cubes. This is fine, Patton told himself firmly, once they were both sitting feet apart on the bed. He refused to think too hard about what the distance meant- if it meant anything at all, or if he was only being ridiculous.

“Sorry about today,” Remus began, “Really. I was freaking out for the stupidest fucking reason. You’ll laugh when I tell you!”

Patton didn’t laugh, but he smiled a little more wholly. If Remus was upset with him, the apology must’ve meant at least some of that had faded away. Probably.

“It’s okay, Mess,” the nickname rolled off his tongue easily. Remus grinned at him, but it was somehow more manic than usual.

“I probably got you all worried over nothing, bolting on you before you could wake up- and then again earlier, right?”

There was a pause, as Patton tried to decide if the question was rhetoric or not. When the silence stretched on uncomfortably, he found himself nodding.

Remus huffed out a breath, rocking back and staring up at the ceiling. “Yeah, I- I’m still working at the whole self-improvement thing, ya know? That probably doesn’t make it better, but- I’ve never really had a reason to try and be, uh, considerate. Janus never really cared if I was a bitch, and nobody else ever mattered, and that- yeah, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about.”

His voice was raspy, low and thick in a way that it almost never was. Patton tipped his head to the side, confused. Remus looked- and sounded- awkward, an expression that was not at home on his face.

“Wait, um- so it wasn’t anything I did? You’re not upset with me?”

Remus looked at him like he was crazy (ironic, that).

“Upset with you?” He crowed, “Why the fuck would I be upset with you?”

Patton flushed; he laughed embarrassedly, or maybe in relief; he toyed with the sleeves of his sweater.

“I didn’t really- I don’t know, but I was worried that I’d, um, overstepped some boundaries last night, and maybe made you uncomfortable.”

He was only kind of looking at his friend, from out the corners of his eyes. It was still easy to see the way Remus went from confused to amused, and then burst into cackles.

“You- You- Me? Morey, please, it takes a lot to make me uncomfortable- if that’s even possible, actually- and you sure as shit haven’t figured out how to pull it off yet. Sugar, I asked to stay with you!”

The relief flooded Patton all in a rush, and he felt himself finally relax. With Remus laughing and joking and being his usual (sweet, impressively sweet, surprisingly so) self again, it all started seeming a little silly. Remus must’ve seen him coming untense, folding down the same way accordion-pressed paper sprawled out when it was released from a bored student’s hand, because his gaze went warm, like something had finally clicked into place in his head. A problem solved, and what a wonderful solution it had come to- that’s what the look said.

Patton met the smile just as brightly when the Duke shifted over some of the distance between them, taking up both of Morality’s hands in his own yet again.

“Well, since it wasn’t something I did,” Patton said, “Then what was the actual problem?”

Remus didn’t look too upset at the question, but he was glancing down, up, sideways- his pupils flitted around the room without really touching on anything for too long; it wasn’t often that he was so obviously thinking something through. His fingers flexed, face a little pink, and he hesitated before answering:

“Okay, it’s like I said, right? I don’t- I’ve never needed to try to be anything for anybody before. I mean that I never wanted to do things in a conform-y way, obviously, but, I never wanted to be considerate, either,” he smirked down at their tangled hands, shrugging. “I don’t think I’m doing too bad for a first try, to be honest- but that’s not the point, the point is- this is… new.”

Patton opened his mouth, reassurances rushing to the tip of his tongue before he was hastily shushed.

“No, look, there’s a difference between being a pushover and just being fucking nice to the people you care about. That’s the problem- or I thought it was a problem, in my dipshit lizard-panic brain this morning- right? I’ve never wanted to do anything for people, because I didn’t need them anyway. I figured I didn’t, I guess, cuz I could survive without ‘em- it wasn’t like I had a choice, but I got on fine. Not to be too… I don’t know, pathetic? Who cares, but- I never knew anything different.”

Patton’s eyes went wide and watery, like the blue of his irises were soaking into everything else and leaking, leaking, leaking. He was squeezing Remus’ hands a little too tight, certainly, and he just wanted to hug him so bad- but despite his words, Remus didn’t even seem to need it. He looked back at Patton, huffed a sigh, looking just plain amused.

“So this hit me when I was talking to Virgil, about ten minutes ago,” he started, “That I woke up today, with you, and I had this thought like… Fuck, I don’t ever wanna move again. I could starve and then start to decompose and probably rot into bloody mush, but I’d probably still be perfectly happy- which is weird, because starvation is easily one of the boringest ways to die, I could go out so much cooler- but, it was more the fact that I was with you, and uh. So, so I thought that- which is so dumb and sappy- and it surprised me so bad that I just ran. And after I had, I was so freaked out, I didn’t even remember why for!”

He took a deep breath, something that he hadn’t done for that entire ramble. Patton got the sense he still wasn’t finished though, and waited patiently.

“I never needed anybody caring about me for me to be okay- the screaming and the fleeing and all that was fine, it was still a reaction. But I think I just realized that I couldn’t go back to that, now.

“Because of you. I knew I liked you, but it never clicked that things would probably suck without you by this point. More than that, I guess- it hit me that just because I can take care of myself, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t fucking blow. That I don’t- I don’t want to be so independent again, okay? That I don’t wanna be alone anymore.”

And he couldn’t help it at all; Patton did hug him, then. He pulled him against his chest as soon as he noticed the words going choppy, choked, and halting. He let go of Remus’ hands, in favor of tangling his fingers in the Duke’s hair and carding through it.

Remus met the embrace with just as much fervor, curling up into the bigger trait. Yet somehow, he wasn’t crying yet.

“Hey, hey, I’m alright,” he murmured, “I mean, don’t let go, obviously- but I’m okay. I had all day to panic! Which I definitely did, by the way, because my whole worldview got screwed over. Finally know how you feel, I guess,” He was joking, Patton could hear his smile. He laughed. “But I got it out of my system, and ya know what I realized after that?”

Patton hummed attentively, letting Remus pull back just enough to see his face.

“I said, ‘okay, I’m processing that, and it doesn’t matter.’ It doesn’t matter because I only realized that maybe I need people once I already had them, and- no offense- but you don’t really seem like the abandoning type. The opposite, that’s what you are.”

Patton beamed.

“Of course not,” he swore, pressing the words out as though intensity alone could make them more true, more pure. “Never, not ever.”

“Good,” Remus said, “Cuz I’m hanging on to ya, Pat. As long as I can.”

Chapter Eight

Taglist: @shrimp-crockpot @glitter-skeleton-uwu @donnieluvsthings @intruxiety @thefivecalls @did-he-just-hiss-at-me @gayformlessblob

#sanders sides #ts #intruality #my writing #qpr intruality #remus sanders #patton sanders #ts fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction

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weirdo-with-a-nametag · 3 years ago

Text

Brain is tv static with random frames interspersed

Think I'm like. Really stressed and jumping between topics to try and find something that helps / feels good

Topics:

Anyone know a good health tracking app for adhd people? I want one that like pops up when you open your phone, maybe? But is unobtrusive. Like maybe you just rate your mood or whatever when you open your phone, and it closes, and you go about your business. I just hate every app and paper method I've tried but really want to track some stuff

Pigeon. ? Pigeon as pet?

Service animals re: cats, pigeons, my cat specifically, and then also ESAs and also what to use as treats while training my cat (he's pretty happy to learn behaviors with praise and pets as reinforcement, but treats would make everything move much faster, but I haven't found something I want to give him so we've just been y'know. Chillin)

Service animals re: what tasks can my pet potentially do that would help me? I don't really know a lot about service animals and there is a Huge range. If anyone has suggestions, or places to read about it, I'd appreciate it! Mostly thinking they may help with anxiety, sensory, and mobility/fatigue related stuff. Not much of a need for medical alerts.

Bioactive enclosures for my snakes, need to research their biomes and make progress on designs and equipment specifications

Also. Hit a seriously hard patch and haven't been handling them much at all this month so that's not great

Casting stuff. Saw jewelry today made of metal casts of claws, skulls, etc, and they were really well done and made me want to do that

Some taxidermy / vulture culture stuff I won't get into right now

Puzzles????

How to organize my room

Need a shower

Need to organize bathroom

So Much Schoolwork

Uhhhhh trying, but not making much headway, to figure out how I want to do my music collection. Also really need to clean my records..

Make?

Food??? Ew.

Dental hygiene ://

Plampts. So many. Houseplants need maintenance, many need repotting. Keep taking in people's problem plants and like, they're doing better, largely, after being trimmed and watered and whatnot, but need repotting. Also need to trim some aquarium plants.

Also need to put water in tanks. And spray nepenthes.

Laundry.

Gotta pick up trash in my room. There's so much. Everywhere. Why.

Schoolwork. I'm so behind. So, so stuck. Kind of feel like I'm dying.

Going on a picnic tomorrow. Have to figure out what still needs doing for that, probably need to go to the store.

Leo needs water. I'm so....ugh, I'm trying so hard, but it feels impossible. I do my best to take good care of my pets, and I think they live pretty good lives most of the time, but sometimes I get like This and completely drop off the face of the earth and then like, wake up or whatever and two weeks have passed by and I have not cleaned a water bowl! That's a serious problem!!!! I do not know how to combat that, really, besides more reminders. Having someone around who is willing to like, help, when things are especially hard, would be great, but I don't live with my partner right now and do not feel like I can ask anyone here for that. But I can't put my animals at risk. I check on them every day, and if their bowls are dirty I do take them out and clean them, but sometimes (like now) i cannot get myself to do it without a pressure like a dirty bowl, or a feeding day. And like, it's really important that they have clean water. I'm talking to myself here but like, if anyone has advice. Please. With the tank redesigns and upgrades, the bowls will be more accessible, which will help because one of them is very heavy at the angle I have to pick it up, and another requires moving a lot of branches and is best to take out while the snake is out (this is Leo) which is fine because I love my boy, but adds time to the process, and makes it harder to start, you know? Maybe if I just got more bowls - I could take the bowl out and immediately replace it, fill the new one, and replace the decor and snake, and then clean the bowl as a separate task? That would be easier for my brain. Currently I have a Specific bowl I prefer to use for each tank, and then everything else is Just In Case, but I mean. Acquiring extras is something I want to do anyway, and it may help with several problems, so. Yeah. I'll try that. But also, any other ideas, guys?

Anxiety: can't stop picking at my face, skin, nails, cuticles, scalp, pretty much everywhere with callouses, also scratched a mole off my face, which is something I've been trying Not to do for a while, so that's...not great. Can't find my earmuffs, and also all of my headphones are painful? Ears are really sensitive lately.

Been playing a lot of Moth Game (flutter: starlight if you wanna be friends say hey I don't know how to do it but would enjoy talking about moths if nothing else. The game is just like, an idle ish collecting game with cutesy versions of different species, and very little actual information, but it's still fun, and if anyone else is on there and also Into Moths like I am, hiiiii) and like it's fun and cute but also greatly impacting my productivity, and raises my stress levels during events, which is most days, so the game has. Not been helping. But I can't stop because then I'll miss Exclusive Moths.

Anyway. Had baklava and two mugs of Thai tea today and the sugar has made me nauseous.

Trying to journal. Hurts to write. Also takes too long. Also my handwriting is very bad. But typing is..not as good

Want to draw. Thinking about drawing cats

Plants again! Want to make seed bombs, have seeds, have most of the other ingredients, just need to put em together, basically.

Really sad :(

Or am I?

Weird noise coming from dining room?

Birds. Spent half an hour at least on the deck tonight listening to a hundred different bird calls (literally) to identify one I was hearing, it was a pine siskin, which I checked early on but the recording was bad and I didn't realize which call was identified. Anyway, cool to put a name to a face, so to speak.

Need to practice for ASL

So much.....to do...

Only had like >3 hours of work this week which was not great because money, but also like I'm really feeling those 3 hours....

My cat is basically refusing to come into my room? Which is very strange and I'm worried something is Off but cannot figure out what. Also means less cuddles which means I'm sad.

It feels strange whenever people follow me, the attention is nice but I have no idea what content y'all are here for. So to everyone: hi, enjoy, hope my random personal posts aren't a surprise to anyone who followed for like. News reblogs and informational stuff.

Do I even have it in me to..be successful in school? Should I drop out of college? I'm struggling really hard and do not feel like I'm building on the skills I need to continue, so like. Uh.

My dad is being. Abrasive.

Mom and grandma are very angry lately

Housemate is also angry, about things i thought we were on good terms about, so I am stressed because like,, are we okay?

Can't find my eye mask :(

Yoga? Like...restorative yoga? Need to track down my PT stuff. And. Do it.

Need to put the stickers on my license plates....oops...

Still haven't found my antidepressants! Yay!

Do I want to store my stuff in open bins, or with lids? Which stuff needs spill protection and stacking capability and which stuff needs easy access?

How to earn money without..chaos

Gotta go to the pet store tomorrow. Have to compile my list of pet store items i need. Uhhhhhhhhhh

Also I have an essay due tomorrow that I've barely started. So. Wooooooo

Kt tape for supporting arches / inner ankles? I keep messing up my ankles, and part of it is walking wrong because I don't have the energy to engage the muscles in my feet/legs right to like, avoid injury, and part of it is I just need new shoes inserts. But i wear slippers a lot and they do not have arch support and it hurts. PT to help with this also but Where Is It

Family can't seem to get dish soap I can use, so I've just been having to avoid washing anything by hand, or being in the general kitchen area while anyone uses the stuff, which has led to more of my dishes sitting out, and more conflict over dishes. Lovely.

How hard is it for parents to learn they have to respect boundaries? Very hard, apparently. And you're supposed to just sort of remind people, and explain, over and over and over but like at this point my self worth is actually pretty good and the lifetime of proof that they do not want to listen? That's making me want to stop trying. Like, if you're not going to respect my boundaries I'm just not going to involve you in my life. I'm not talking to my dad right now because of this. Maybe I'll decide to lay things out to him, again and again and again again, maybe not. And I'm comfortable saying that's on him.

How to drink water

Am I dehydrated or are my hands just completely callous now. My fingertips have such hard skin. Why? It's uncomfortable. This is part of why I've been biting them.

Also testosterone. Been having a lot of trouble doing my shots, because anxiety and physical freakouts, but also not feeling super urgent about it. Which I'm realizing may be a sign i need to look at the effects so far and the possible effects of continuing, and see what they make me feel. It's possible I'm where I want to be as far as T, and don't really want to stay on it. A big thing for me is a deeper voice, so it seems time to take a look at whether I like my voice where it is or want to see if it'll drop any more. Etc etc

Miss my lil sisters

Saw a lot of cool rocks today. Huge (like hand sized) ammonite for $28. May go back and buy one because. Wow.

Want to plant food plants

Also my natives. Whole garden plot standing empty with a bunch of stuff waiting in nursery pots, needing to go in the ground. Because I can't get out of bed. Love that. Stuff is dying out there, I'm dying in here, there's a poetry to it and I do not want to romanticize suffering so I will say this: I brought a Bucket full of moss home a month ago and planted it and now go outside sometimes to drench my moss and it is very rewarding because the stuff is just so green. Incredible. When the rest of my plants are finally in the ground, that feeling will only intensify. But, for now, the moss is very nice.

Made a glow in the dark bead lizard from memory during therapy yesterday, and I love him. Also, still struggling with bringing up autism and psychosis topics with my therapist. Still very worried about. Things. Would like to get a new person? But sometimes she is helpful? And we have a routine. It's very hard to break the routine. Maybe I can set some time aside during the summer, to figure out what to do there.

Term ends in a couple weeks. The task of catching up, of passing, seems impossible. I really need to pass my courses. I'm on academic warning, because my GPA is lower than it should be, and if I can pass all of my classes this term I can get off academic warning but otherwise I'm not sure what will happen to my financial aid.

My phone is playing the same 50-100 songs on shuffle and I don't even particularly like most of them and it is very strange

Got my face wipes! Hooray, i can wash my face again

Been eating too much sugar in general. It's making my joints hurt more, and the nausea

Pet a dog the other day. I miss that. It would be really nice to have a dog in the house again. The exuberance, the cuddles, the tail wagging, the walks... I'd really like that. Maybe once I'm out in my room, tanks and catio built and everyone is situated, I'll look into getting a dog instead of a cat next. Was planning on holding off in case I'm not physically able to take them out on walks and such, but I've been pretty successful at doing this job, and I think that my main hurdle for walking really is motivation. Dog walking is a strong motivator for me. Best to start by fostering, or just do Wag, for a while though. I'm feeling overwhelmed with my current responsibilities, and here I am talking about getting a dog. Good job, me

How do you get wax off of somewhat water soluble rocks? My housemate broke my lava lamp on some of my rock collection and I am not sure how to get some of them clean without damage.

I am...pretty sure there are collared doves nesting over my room but it seems they're less common around here than I thought? But they are..pretty distinctive. Like if I'm wrong, what are those birds. Some very distinctly colored feral pigeons? Who are nesting here, in a tree, without their flock, and who happen to have pretty much the exact same pattern?

Probably should go to the dollar store and get some bins for organizing

Been wanting to keep a bin by the door and stock it with stim/fidget stuff people can just .have ..like extras of some of my favorites and other things i can get ahold of, to offer to my friends who haven't really had the chance to explore the world of stim toys

Hands are really just not doing great the last several weeks. Arthritis type pain cropping up more and more in all the little joints, making it hurt more to write, type, or just use them for whatever. Coordination isn't great because of that distraction, and because my hands/arms are slow to respond and kinda weak. Most people would say I'm not using them enough but I've been doing 15ish hours of manual labor per week, so maybe it's the other direction? More water would help. If only it wasn't so heavy.

I haven't taken a single shower since I started my job. Which was March 29th. That's not great.

Practiced parallel parking today. 10/10 still very bad at it.

Having anxiety that my friends think I'm lying about things, faking, and are watching me to see if I'll slip up. So that sucks. Can either talk about that directly or indirectly, or just shut up about those things until I can get my brain under control again. I'm not sure right now if the reassurance would work as a reality check or make me believe it more, right now, so might hold off on the talking bit for a little while.

Saw, smelled, picked a couple pretty roses. Good times

At this point I'm just trying to list all my thoughts so that maybe I'll be able to sleep and not worry I'll forget

My mom has put her spider plant on the deck, and it has maybe five living leaves. I have no idea how she killed such a well established spider plant, the last time I saw it it was so happy. Did she stick it in a corner and forget to water it? Whatever happened, it is now in the Plant ER, so hopefully I'll be able to...help get it on the up and up again

Leo is such a pretty noodle. He's so pretty. He's posing. Hi, baby boy.

Oh, he saw me moving around and decided to come say hi. Sorry little man, i did not mean to disturb you. Please resume lounging. I can't bring you out right now, I'm trying to sleep.

Also, terrariums. Water features. Need to ask. Someone. The one who was making that super cool garter snake enclosure and blogging the progress? With the lazy river and pool? About maintenance on that kind of setup. My milk snake really enjoys water, and I'd love to put a water feature in his tank. But I'm unclear on how to keep it clean, or honestly where to start. Don't want any huge falls or anything, though it actually may not make the humidity too high if I did maybe a small drip wall into the pool? That seems like something he would enjoy, and a good way to support different types of plants. But like, that's the thing, it's bioactive and I haven't done that before and no amount of research is ever enough.

Oh, Shogun has a dirt hat. How cute. I love when they do that

See, this is the thing. My snakes make me so happy. All three of them are actually hanging out where I can see them from my bed right now, and it's really nice. I want their lives to be the best possible, and I think I have the resources to do that. Which is so exciting. Now if only my brain and body would cooperate. It would hurt quite a lot to have to re-home any of them, but the most important thing is their health and quality of life, you know? If I can't get my act together somewhat, it may be that one or all of them would be better off with another keeper. I don't know. It's just, i talk about all these tank ideas and all this husbandry standards stuff but how much of it actually gets applied to my own animals whose lives are in my hands? How well am I caring for them, really?

Oh!!! My red thread! I thought that was gone forever.

Anyway, please do not worry. My snakes are healthy. I pay attention, and watch for signs of illness, and they're okay. There will always be places to improve, and the water is a big one, but most of the time i change their water out frequently, I'm just worried because of bad depression and fatigue times, you know? I'm working on making the most self sustaining systems i can, in part so that I am sure they'll be okay if I mess up sometimes. Just saying this because I hope you guys don't feel like you need to worry about the welfare of my pets. They're okay, i just always want better for them, is all.

Anyway, the sun is coming up and I should probably go to sleep. So uh, thanks for reading, if you read all of this randomness, and if anyone has thoughts or advice on anything in this post, i would welcome it! Good night!

#mine #long post #snakes #pets #food m #uhhhhhhhhhhhh whatever else needs tagging

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