#Twitter is giving me good food and I cant handle all the feels

[captivemuses]

Today is another day where Im putting Dan H/eng and B/lade in my mouth and aggressively chewing bc I cannot with my feels over them.

[jadeittic]

HS + Y/I: 2022 (SERIES)

EXTRA (7) -- completely forgot about this account 💀 i'm back tho! (i think)

PREVIOUS. NEXT.

HARRY STYLES + PLATONIC!EX-1D MEMBER!FEM!READER

WARNINGS: i apologise for the countless changes of face claims! it's so hard finding pics for just one fc :((

yourinstagram

liked by harry_lambert, gemmastyles, and 1,164,019 others

yourinstagram is now a bad time to say that i am so terrified of what’s going to be in store for us in the next few hours? if not then lmk xo

view all 41,578 comments

username YN YOU LITERALLY HAVE LESS THAN 3 HOURS UNTIL THE RED CARPET

yourinstagram I KNOW THATS WHY IM PANICKING RN

harrystyles YN

yourinstagram HARRY

harrystyles PLEASE COME TO THE CAR NOW WE HAVE TO GET DRESSED SOON

username 😭

username THERYE COMING THEYRE COMING

username can we get an outfit peek?

yourinstagram best believe im still bejeweled

username WHAT WHAT WHAT

username oh my god

username youre so active on ig lately are you feeling okay

yourinstagram NO IM NOT OAKY IM IN THE CAR RN

username someone help this poor girl out shes boutta pass out

username ARE YOU TWO MATCHING

yourinstagram idk

username now yn…

username are you going to sneak food in again?

yourinstagram actually yes harry and i teamed up to bring pizza in

username NOW HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT

ynlnnews

liked by username, and 3,176 others

ynlnnews YN JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO ON TWITTER

view all 102 comments

username WHAT’S GOING ON

username aight what did trevor do again

username WHAT HAPPENED

username I GEN DONT KNOW SHE HASNT UPDATED

username heart rate’s going 📈📈📈

username SOMEONE TELL ME WHATS GOING ON I’M SO CONFUSED

celebnews

liked by username, and 29,916 others

celebnews JUST ANNOUNCED: YN LN to host tonight’s 65th Annual Grammy Awards, instead of Trevor Noah. Reasons as to why have not been announced.

view all 583 comments

username OH MY GOD WHAT

username YN IS HOSTING YN IS HOSTING YN IS HOSTING

username ok fine i’m watching the whole thing

username OH MY FOD SOMEONE GIVE ME THE LINKS THIS IS BOUTTA BE THE BEST NIGHT EVER

username she’s already so nervous for the red carpet and the performance. i hope for the best for themmm

ynrry

liked by username, and 71,826 others

ynrry YN LN AND HARRY STYLES AT THE RED CARPET FOR THE GRAMMY’S !!

view all 483 comments

username WHATT EH EHLL

username YOURE KIDDING. YOURe KIDNDNDING

username its giving golden retriever and black cat energy

username SHUT IT DOWN

username IM GOING TO DO THE UNFORGIVABLE

username someone put me in jail before i do something none of yall will believe

username suddenly i passed out

ynrry

liked by 12,109 others

ynrry our fave duo at the red carpet

imissyn

liked by 29,715 others

imissyn I’M GOING FERAL I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE

celebnews

liked by username, and 32,572 others

celebnews “I’m quite nervous right now, can you tell? Dear Trevor Noah, why did you have to get sick?! Seriously, I feel like I’m going to pass out right this second. Adele is literally looking at me, I can’t handle this”. — YN LN at the Grammy’s 2023.

view all 274 comments

username HER DRESS

username SHE LOOKS LIKE ARIEL SHES SO WOW

username shes so good at hiding it what

username she’s freaking out about adele like people aren’t thinking the same about her

username NAHHHH CUZ SHES DOING SO GOOD RN YOU CANT EVEN TELL

username DID YOU GUYS SEE HARRY TRYING TO TAKE A PEEK AT HER NOTE CARDS

username he literally got slapped in the head moments after LMAO

username is it a bad thing to say that i’m glad trevor had to cancel last minute

username nu-uh ive been feeling this way since it’s been released hehebsjf

username SHES SO CUTE

celebnews

liked by username, and 121,006 others

celebnews Harry Styles and YN LN performing As It Was at the Grammy’s!

view all 311 comments

username WHAT THE FUCK

username I MISSed iT NO I FEKE ASLEEP

username their performance was INSANE i loved it so much

username someone make a new category for this performance and let them win

username i just know yn tried so hard not to say “sing it out for me” 😭

username ITS IN THEIR FACES HAHAHAHA

username i witnessed this live. LIVE.

username forever proud of them

username shut it down 😐 i am in tears rn

ynrry

liked by username, and 42,228 others

ynrry HS + Y/I is THE album of the year ❤️

view all 301 comments

username THEY LOOK SO HAPPY AWW

username HS + Y/I IS A GRAMMY WINNER WAHAHJDJAJW

username words can’t explain how happy i am rn stfu

username WHEN THE TEMPORARY HOST WALKED OVER TO THE FAN I KNEW

username the way their faces melted when it was announced 😭😭

username they were in DISBELIEF

username lizzo was recording i NEED TO SEE THAT VIDEO

username got robbed at soty but it’s all worth it at the end

ynrrymoments

liked by username, and 31,735 others

ynrrymoments “We would’ve never been here, right at this moment, if it weren’t for all of you. Words can’t explain how thankful we are. You all deserve the world, thank you, so much for this”. — YNRRY at the Grammy’s!

harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, niallhoran, and 3,172,024 others

harrystyles Grammys, February 2023. It’s always us against the world.

view all 51,326 comments

niallhoran ❤️

username SHUT UP

username NO WAY

username IM SICK HE SAID ITS ALWAYS US AGAINST THE WORLD AHAIN

harry_lambert GET IT GET IT

username THE ALBUM OF THE CENTURY

username so deserved, so so deserved

username THE LIL GRAMMY ON HIS SHOE

sza last night was INSANE. congratulations!

username icons ICONS

adele Congrats, you both deserve it!!

username and what if she says “its always us against the world” too what will you do

yourinstagram let’s get drunk tonight

username if she says shes gon drink, shes gon drink

username i can feel the hangover from a mile away

username SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO OH MY GODDDD

username it’s ynrry’s world, we’re js living in it

yourinstagram

liked by anthonypham, gracieabrams, and 3,176,018 others

yourinstagram first pic was me when i found out what was actually happening

i don’t even know where to start, this year has been so beautiful to us. you’ve all been so beautiful to us. we didn’t know where to start, and you all were there. we’re still in shock of what happened. harry is literally eating the pizza we didn’t manage to eat at the event. we’re just in disbelief, thank you. thank you, so so much. i love u i love u i love i love u

and harry, dear harry styles, you are one big motherfucker. you are the most annoying person i’ve ever met. thanks to you too, for everything that you’ve done to me. you’ve worked so hard for this album, your albums, and i will always be proud of you. you deserve everything that you have, literally. i love you so much, it will always be us against the world.

february ‘23, grammys !!

view all 59,831 comments

username tears are streaming down my face

conangray CONGRATTSSSS

lizzobeeating ❤️

username POST THE VIDEO PLEASEE

username I CALLED IT KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO SAY IT

jonnybernthal Congrats, you big babies ❤️

yourinstagram shut it shane

username is he crying like a baby

yourinstagram indeed he is, he just offered me some pizza

username I MIght KMS STOP THSIS

username if no one will put this in history books, i will do it myself

adele ❤️

harrystyles LEAVE ME ALONE

username HARRY

username LMAOO

username i’ve been staring at this for the past 15 minutes, i can’t get over this

username 2023 is their year i can feel it

yourinstagram via ig story

harrystyles via ig story

[mercur1e]

heyy. Can I get Aomine and Ushijima sfw and nsfw headcanons as husband? Thankss

YESSS OMFG THOSE TWO ARE MY FAVS ILY i made this at 5-6 in the morning lol also I'm indulging and this is long enjoy!

Ushijima

So sweet

He gets up early im the morning to go jogging and always kisses your cheek before he goes out

If you're up by the time he's back he'll help you make breakfast

Bby helps you do your hair, and is good at detangling

Gives great scalp massages, the kind that make your brain turn into a smoothie

If you're still asleep, he'll take a shower and make breakfast for the two of you

If you're up and you want something other than breakfast he'll drag you into the bathroom with him ;)

You always wear a jersey to his game and give him pre-game and post-game kisses, twitter goes crazy over yall lol

He will always hold you in his arms no matter where y'all are, just lean into him and he automatically wraps around you

If you're short enough he'll rest his chin on top of your head

Lemme tell you this man has a giant size kink, no matter your weight or height.

Mating press mating press mating press

Creampie kink

Loves your legs over his shoulders

Soft dom who loves making you moan and whimper

Loves marking you up and likes it when you do it to him too

Not loud, but he does groan and say your name when he's close

Has fucked you on every surface your home

Fucks you until you're crying

Into light restraints

Wall? Yep. Table? Yes. Floor? Uhuh. Countertops? All the time. Couch and bed? Best believe it

Loves hearing your skin slap against his and your moans are music to his ears

Your throat will be sore and your legs will be numb by the time he's done with you

Sex tapes...sex tapes...(please send me asks about this I will lose it)

Loves when you ride him but prefers to be on top

Well groomed, either no hair or just a little with a happy trail

Dumbification kink, Ushi loves seeing you so fucked out you can barely speak clearly <3

Call him captain or daddy and he's coming instantly

Tell him how good he feels and how full you feel, please god he loves it

Has a praise kink, but also throw in a little degrading and he's done for

Slaps your ass, and always has his big hands gripping your ass and back in doggy

Give him a handjob in the locker room, if lick his cum off your hand and he's hard all over again

Loves eat you out, and you cant tell if he does it for your please or his at this point

Would let Tendou join if you're down with it

Speaking of that Tendou has seen you two's sex tapes, with your permission of course

Adores when you scream his name and will breed you if you want

Has a hand around your throat or they're gripping your chest

Has and will make you squirt if you have a vagina

Has a faster pace and rough thrusts, and 100% goes harder the louder you get

His aftercare is amazing, he always showers you with kisses and takes you two the shower if you want to take a bath after

Knocks out afterwards while you're on his chest

He has the prettiest look on his face when he's about to cum

Aomine

Oh boy

Where do I even start

He sleeps in most mornings, and if you wake up before him you're not getting up lol he's halfway on top of you

I hc him as a professional nba player instead

Cannot cook very well, but he makes a mean egg sandwich

Likes when you watch him practice

HE BRAIDS SO GOOD UGH TEACH ME

He can do cornrows and braids, and would definitely do your hair if you let him

Always helps on wash days, you detangle and he braids💗

Always kisses you whenever he gets the chance at games

You wear his spare jersey

If you sleep in like him he's so happy

Gets grumpy if you manage to get out the bed but he's happy if you're going to go make food

Always has you in his lap

Has a hand on your chest but sometimes it's not even sexual

Gets a little handsy in public but if you don't like that he won't do it

Will hold your hand in public, or wrap and arm around your shoulder

Well groomed an has a happy trail

Bites your neck, not too hard though

Absolutely a dom

Makes you beg

Will degrade you, but will mix in praise with it

Love love loves when you give him blowjobs, if you don't have a gag reflex he's fucking your throat with no remorse

Makes you scream and writhe in pleasure

Spits in your mouth

Darciphiliac

Favourite position is doggy style, he loves that he can press up against your back and whisper filthy things into your ear

Always makes your eyes roll to the back of your head

Also slaps your ass and grips your ass in doggy as well

Sucks on your chest if you're facing him

Flicks your nipples

Has the prettiest groans

If you have boobs he can't choose between wanting to cum on your chest or inside of you

Also has a creampie kink

Size kink too

Always bends you legs the farthest they can go and if you're flexible good luck, he's gonna fold you

Loves to finger you

Can also makes you squirt

Hard and rough with you, and man handles you in the nicest way

Is always down for slow and sweet sex though

Has fucked you in his car

Panty thief, he jacks off with a pair of your underwear around his dick

Daddy kink hehe

Definitely would take pictures of your hole filled with his cum if you let him

Puts his fingers in your mouth

Aftercare with him is so good

He always asks if he was too rough, and gives you a massage

Always cleans you up and if you want to take a bath he'll turn the water on and get in with you

That can possibly lead to another round

Cradles you in his arms and falls asleep afterwards

You picked my top favs from both knb and haikyuu???? I'm thanking the universe for you rn <33 I really enjoyed writing this, thank you for requesting and feedback is appreciated!!

[jess-do-it]

(Transcribed w/ Permission from @jessfromonline) Thread: Many people are now out on the streets for the first time. as such, let's talk very basic, everyone should know this, 'this should be general and not sensitive knowledge' protest, action, and street tactics. let's get organized and be effective!

Source: https://mobile.twitter.com/jessfromonline/status/1268620358950649858

(Note: I am not this person, this is a transcript of their twitter thread I made with their permission)

Have a protest buddy. do not go to a protest without a buddy. preferably have a crew. 

if you have a crew, it should still be split into buddies. crews should choose a spoke (spokesperson) who calls movements and communicates with people.

if you have a large crew, you should have a spoke + lieutenants/LTs/whatever you wanna call them. their job is disseminating calls but more importantly, to track the people grouped under them. when shit pops off, it's easy to lose people. LTs watch to see if anyone in their subgroup is missing, and spoke checks for the LTs. a system of accountability. STILL buddy up in subgroups. 

If you've got a good bloc on the ground, you can call 'spokes' to get a spokes council together and make larger decisions about what to do.

Your crew should have a basic, 1-syllable, generic word, that changes at every action, which you can call and each crew member replies with the word. feels dorky but worth it. arrange all this ahead of time. this allows you to quickly count your crew & check no one dropped.

You should have an offsite person, preferably two. Here is a guide for doing offsite.

designate 1-2 comms people. they have phones and retrieve info on cop movements from offsite via signal. on a vpn, burner phone if you can.

ideally no one besides comms should have a phone on them. easier to track. tradeoff: if you lose someone makes it harder to figure out what happened. consider battery-out phones for non-comms people. 

write a number for legal support hotline in your area on body in sharpie

Before a protest, work out with your crew what your risk levels are. you can have different levels but try to avoid buddying across levels. will you brawl with fash? cops? risk arrest? loot? burn? graffiti? dont make those decisions in the moment.

I have no easy advice for what happens if you lose someone. have comms immediately report to off-site who can try to track them down. if you're large you can send an lt+subgroup to look, but they may have just gotten out and left. they could be arrested or with medics. off-site can start checking jails and hospitals for them. see off-site guide for what info you need for this and how to collect. if you have better advice for when people drop unexpectedly, put it in the replies.

Never talk to cops never talk to cops never talk to cops never talk to cops. if you're arrested dont talk. if they approach you during dont talk. you can yell harassment but dont do it once you're arrested. you can sing if you want. group singing in jails keeps spirits up. (Singing is a super spreading activity for covid, pointed out at end of this thread).

If you can, know your local PD. some departments publish whitepapers on their tactics. talk to local protest veterans in your area to learn about what your city's cops do. every area is difference and this can make the different between success or failure.

Use all the gear you got. helmet, goggles, gloves, umbrella, etc. carry water if you can (ONLY ONLY WATER TO FLUSH EYES. ONLY.) you gotta stay hydrated too. generic clothes, packs, etc. if possible. more common the better. Don't carry too heavy but it's really worth it. helmets feel ridiculous? you'll regret not taking it when you take a round to the head.

Consider having handles for your crew. it's a lot better to yell someone's handle than their name when you need their attention. Handles should be short (1-2 syllables) and minimally linked to the person. practice using only a person's handle. let's move on to broader thinking (might jump back if i think of stuff)

Situational awareness. you can practice this all the time but it's v important during an action. What are your exits? have they changed? what are your numbers vs. their's? what's their posture? what's behind, in front, sides? what gear to they have? re-evaluate constantly. i'm going to say it again. exits exits exits. where can your crew go if it gets too hot. if you dont have a clear exit try to move as soon as possible.

Extending on that: police will often try to kettle, aka surround you and trap you in. keep the bloc moving to the cops' weakest side to avoid a kettle. don't be afraid to tell people what to do. they'll thank you if you avoid a kettle. move without em if you have to but dont isolate your crew too much or you're easy to pick off and arrest. Also, be careful: cops may take advantage of this to get you to slowly push farther and farther from your objectives. sometimes you gotta stand your ground. know your numbers and know your strategy. sometimes it's time to stay. a spokes-council might be able to decide. talk about this ahead of time.

Don't yell where the exit is with cops around, but do disseminate it in a crowd. your crew, minimum, must always know.

Keep your crew looking in all directions and regularly switching. dont get snuck up on.

Don't get picked off. cops will arrest 1 person quicker than 10, 50. non-covid times, the advice is to "tighten up!" the bloc, so they cant snatch and grab. YMMV during these times. evaluated based on the situation.

Banners rule for this. theyre not just propaganda. if you have a heavy banner (tarp, etc.) in the front, they can't as easily grab through and arrest. stay behind it if you can. 

Learn to communicate clearly and tersely under pressure. people underestimate this skill. you dont need 'please' or extra words.  Don't chatter. learn to give a 'sitrep' (situational report) in which you report all the info from 16. spokes, ask you LTs for sitreps. give them when new folks arrive.

Back to the individual: if you can't keep up, DON'T GO. hard lesson to learn. as a person with chronic digestive issues, i've fucked this up. if you're incapacitated you're a liability. consider learning to run offsite, or going to less intense actions. know what to expect based on recent police activity, level of risk planned for the action, the capabilities of your crew, etc. i know you might feel obligated to be in the streets but if your crew has to care or slow down for you instead of acting, that's hurting not helping. but try not to let this discourage you from trying if you can. unless you're sure with your health and/or fitness you can't, it is good to try. we need numbers. but dont push yourself when you cant. there's more to the work than the streets.

Dont share unconfirmed info. dont repeat info from people you dont trust. ive seen so many actions where someone thinks they see a cop and then everyone is yelling "cop" and freaked out and scattering and theres no cop. be careful. misinfo is worse than no info.

Some of this is gonna feel ridiculous and tryhard. being good at this takes trying hard. be vulnerable and push your crew to do this. you'll be safer and more effective because you do.

Eat well, plenty of protein rich food the day before. hydrate well day of. physical condition matters for this.

Sometimes you gotta pee. you can pee in an empty bottle, or you can pee on the ground. MANY people wear diapers. this isnt the time for shame. do what you need.

When you gotta do something like pee, change, sometimes even drink, if you're in bloc, you gotta hide. get to the center of the bloc if you can. call 'cover me' or 'flag' (if the crowd has flags) and they'll wrap you. kneel and do what you gotta do.

Some of this advice is for when you have a coherent bloc, but there's been less of those in this round of protests. still, keep it in mind.

If you're in bloc, consider bringing generic clothes to change into in a bag. gym clothes and local team sportwear are great. either do 28 and slip out somewhere under cover, or scatter and hide, and change in your hiding place. bring a bag to put your bag in.

How are you getting in and out? can you pay for public transit in cash (this still means being on cameras, keep your hat down)? can someone drive you in (drop off far, so they cant see plates)? lock up your bike somewhere?

This is counter-intuitive, but unless it's a covert action, where your goal is to get in and out without ever being noticed, keep your ID and a bit of cash in your pocket. ID will get you in and out of jail faster. again: NOT FOR COVERT ACTIONS. and dont drop it.

Try to know your success and failure conditions before your crew goes out. when is it no longer worth it and time to bail? what are you trying to accomplish and how do you know you're doing so? try to create criteria if you can

in large, multi-site protests like we're seeing rn, if all you're doing is occupying cops, you're helping a lot. standoffs mean they arent somewhere else. looting they HAVE to respond to because property > people for cops. small groups can make big differences here.

Share your sitreps with other spokes if you can. if you notice a kettle, tell everybody and try to move everyone. have some chutzpah: you can do it.

DON'T LEAD PEOPLE INTO FENCED IN PARKS OR ENCLOSED ALLEYS PLEASE JUST DON'T PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU. HAVE MANY EXITS.

Consider carrying print maps of the area. dont mark them with objectives in case they get taken. review maps of the area ahead of time.

We already talked offsite and comms, i won't cover offsite much here, read the guide

Scouts! a good scout team is invaluable. especially bike scouts. get a signal chat and people on bikes in strategic locations reporting movements.

Don’t put everybody in the scouts chat. keep a few offsite people reading the scout chat and relaying in to comms people.

If somebody gets arrested that you're in a chat with, put 'dead the chat' and everybody should immediately leaved. someone should contact the person that killed the chat to find out who got picked up and exclude them from the new chat.

If y'all are super coordinated and have a ton of planning (not happening much right now) consider having a marshal in charge of calling moves for the whole bloc. spokes-council should still be convened and can challenge, but even the spanish anarchists elected military officials. in the field, you need a chain of command to operate quickly and effectively and outcompete cops.

Read this thread. remember, you dont have to be able to go toe-to-toe with cops. you just have to make your group not worth the consequences of dealing with.

Where are you going when the protest/action is done? are you all rallying at one point? have a plan.

Everyone check in with offsite when you get back. you all need to know everyone got home safe, or start checking jails/hospitals.

Offsite should know who is organizing jail support so they can pass that off when needed.

This is all easier if you know folks ahead of time.  show up to your local left orgs. even if it doesn't feel like you're doing a lot yet, those relationships matter.

WHITE PEOPLE: put yourself between police and people of color. they are much less likely to be as brutal with you. this should be established policy in your crew, esp if your crew is (as it ideally should be, if not ask why) multiracial.

WHITE PEOPLE: while Black opinion isnt a monolith & you dont have to regard the scolding of every Black liberal (see thread): if there are Black people/other people of color around and they're not escalating tactics, you shouldnt be unless its agreed. See this thread.

What does your crew and your bloc do if someone is injured? for some blocs, if medics have them, you leave them behind with medics and keep moving. it can be bad to jeopardize and trap the whole bloc for one person who is with medics who they are gonna be with anyway. on the OTHER hand, some blocs reasonably dont want to leave anyone behind and want to stay to cover people with medics (police sometimes respect medic neutrality, sometimes don't.) most important is: KNOW WHICH Y'ALL ARE DOING. DONT WAFFLE BACK & FORTH, DONT SPLIT THE BLOC.

Quick addition cuz it shouldn't be missing: if you're carrying a phone dont have touch ID on your phone, police can legally compel you to activate touch ID but they can't compel a password. also turn off location services and wifi unless you absolutely need them.

diff cops have diff legal options as well! in the middle of old city in philly, there's a federal park with park rangers. if they nab you, it's probably a federal charge, way worse. we're more scared of the rangers lol. know local uniforms if you can.

While we're here, some other extremely useful threads:

buying shit and not getting caught

riot control projectiles

take shifts! i didn't think to include it because it's longer term, but it's vital. we've certainly been dealing with it in philly.

this is a good COVID-19 specific tip. need to be a lot more careful about singing in custody during the pandemic.

having regular check-in times with offsite are a good idea

there's 50 tips for being effective in the street. might come back and add more later. i'm not the 'expert' and YMMV and you can disagree and your city might operate differently. that said:

i can tell you these are learned lessons from years out there & if you use them you'll do a lot, lot better than if you dont. you and your crew will be safer, and youll achieve your objectives more often. ounce of prevention worth a pound of cure. put in the work, and let's win.

---

End transcript. People should take a look at that thread because it is being constantly updated with a lot of good information. Stay safe out there and fight this shit.

Source: https://mobile.twitter.com/jessfromonline/status/1268620358950649858

[alicedoessurveys]

VERY long survey

Where have you lived throughout your life? 

Birmingham UK

Do you find your job rewarding? 

N/A

What kind of cake did you have for your last birthday? 

chocolate

To you, which is better: English muffins or bagels? 

I enjoy both, but bagels.

Do you paint your nails? 

yes. although they're not painted at the moment because ive been cleaning the house so much the past couple days and its stripped my varnish off

What’s the last website you signed up for? 

a dating thing

Do you check your email everyday? 

yes, I cant stand having the little red number above the mail app 

Have you created any pages on Facebook?

yes but I dont have them anymore

Is there a subject that you absolutely suck at? 

every subject, but especially maths and science 

What’s your favourite song by Dave Matthews Band? 

I dont know any 

Are there people you have absolutely nothing in common with, but still enjoy talking to? 

I dot particularly enjoy talking to anyone :’)

Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend? 

yes, we wondered around through the middle of Birmingham at 4am 

Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? 

haha nope

Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover?

yes

Have you ever had a panic attack? 

many, I had to drop out of college because of them 

Are you deathly allergic to anything? 

nope

Have you ever had a mouse in your house? 

nope

Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have an ex? 

myself 

Is anyone you know really religious? 

my family

Are your eyebrows naturally thick? 

yes

Has speaking in front of people ever made you sick? 

not physically sick, but definitely felt it. the worst experience Ive had with speaking was in college when I had to give a speech then teach a 10 minute class. my throat totally dried up and I literally couldnt speak. everyone just stared at me and I was trying so hard not to cry. longest 10 minutes of my life and as soon as it finished I legged it out the room and burst into tears. 

What was the last movie that made you teary-eyed? 

Mary Poppins Returns almost got me but the last film to actually make me cry was Coco. That shit had me SOBBING!

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? 

yes 

Has a laptop ever burned your legs? 

not really, I put a cushion on my lap normally

Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow?

no

Who was the last person to flip you off? 

probably rhys, as a joke

Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? 

my dad turns 50 next week

Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? 

I have done a few times but they annoy me

Are you good at following directions? 

no no no I get confused very easily

Do you have someone that you can just act a fool with and not care? 

yes rhys 

From where you’re sitting, can you touch a wall? 

if I reach behind me 

When at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap? 

occasionally, it depends where I am and what im eating 

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? 

manual 

Are your biceps at all noticeable? 

they used to be before they went into hiding under a layer of fat 

Have you ever seen a walrus? 

nope

When it comes to dropping food, do you believe in the 10 second rule? 

no, I believe in the ‘what food is it’ and ‘how dirty is the floor’ rules

If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? 

yes. I was supposed to have gone on a camel ride in Tunisia ages ago but I was ill so we didn't get to go 

Do you believe that cellphones actually do cause cancer?

they could be. the number of people getting cancer has gone up a lot since everyone has mobile phones 

When people you know cry, does it make you feel like crying too? 

depends who it is 

Do you tend to jump to conclusions? 

yes. Im an anxious person so im constantly overthinking and I also find people really hard to read and can get

Are you good at remembering your friends’ birthdays? 

yes my brain cant remember important things but when it comes to dates its like a sponge 

Is there something you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing? 

getting a job

Ever pop someone else’s pimple? 

ew no

How long does it take you to fall asleep? 

about 15 minutes depending on how tired I am 

Do you crack your neck often?

no that freaks me out 

Did you have a weird dream last night? 

not that I can remember, I have been having a lot of weird dreams this week because im ill

Who do you sometimes compare yourself to? 

everyone. especially when im at the theatre, im constantly watching other people and wishing I could act like they can or look like them or have their style 

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? 

both

In what way are you your own worst enemy? 

every way, I dont look after myself at all 

What activities make you lose track of time? 

sims

When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” 

not really 

Who do you tell your secrets to? 

these surveys 

Who do you live with? 

my parents and our foster kids 

When did/will you graduate? 

I didn't 

When are you moving next? 

I have no idea. probably never 

When is the last time you took a vitamin? 

this morning, im fighting a cold 

Why are you stressed? 

im not too bad right now tbh

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? 

nope

Where do you keep your birth certificate? 

no clue, my mom has it somewhere 

How many books are in your room?

a lot. I have quite a few on display and a whole bunch hidden away in my closet because theres no space for them anywhere else. I'll include some photos of the books in my room;

(the book on my bedside table in the second picture is actually a lamp that lights up when you open it)

Have you ever been IN a wedding? 

nope

What was the last thing you laughed out loud at?

probably my mom 

Do you have a nickname? Why? 

my family call my bongy or Ali bong, I dont know why.. (my name is Alice)

Have you ever had a bad concert experience? 

nope

When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? Do people often tell you this? 

my mom tells me almost every day but Im like youre my mom of course you would say that 

Are you missing someone of the opposite sex atm? 

no

Want someone back in your life? 

meh

Are you currently sad about anything? 

actually nope

Are you wearing anything shiny? 

my pj top has glittery silver letters on

How important is a sense of humor in a significant other? 

very, I fall very easily for people who make me laugh

How many followers do you have on Twitter? 

198 (@alicethenerd if ya wanna follow 😉)

Do you sleep with the door open or closed? 

closed. I aint about letting those murderers and monsters just waltz straight in easy peasy 

Have you ever been to the beach? 

yes every summer since I was a kid 

Can you handle blood? 

nope

Do you pay your bills or do your parents?

I pay my own bills. no way my dad would be up for paying my bills, he already digs at me constantly about the fact that I live rent free even though I look after the foster kids and tidy the house more than he does

What’s your best friend’s middle name? 

Connor

Has any place hired you underage for a job? 

not officially

Have you ever barely passed a grade/year in school? 

yes

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? 

no

Have you ever tried to sell something overpriced to someone? 

no

Do you plan to become very wealthy some day? 

I hope to become wealthy enough to not worry about having enough money to put fuel in my car anymore and to be able to pay back my parents and grandad for everything they've done for me 

Do you remember your first time going to the movies? 

no, but my earliest cinema memory was going to watch Monsters Inc with my dad when it was first released 

Does eating breakfast make you sick? 

if I try to eat before a certain time yes

Are you dying to say something to someone right this minute?

not dying to nope

Book series you enjoyed reading recently? 

im reading eve of man atm which apparently is going to be a series

Do you enjoy lying in the grass during the summer, and just existing? 

I prefer lying on a blanket, I dont like the feel of grass and I dont like the bugs crawling around 

Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? 

yes, it doesn't have many stamps in because I lost the one that did have lots in and I havent been away much since getting the new one 

Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? 

nope

Do any of your close friends have children? 

no

What do you plan on having for dinner?

we already had dinner, we had chippy

Do you like Chinese food, or do you find it disgusting? 

I only really like one meal 

Have the police ever come knocking on your door looking for someone? 

actually yes, literally a few weeks ago

Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? 

yes, my second cousin 

Have you ever played flashlight tag?

ive never heard of it

Could you call yourself a movie buff?

not really, im a huge movie fan but theres still a lot I need to see 

Have you ever had a piercing get infected?

never had a piercing 

Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? 

dad does it

Are you a shorts wearing kind of person? 

nope nope nope, my legs are not suitable for public viewing :’)

Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy?

not really no. my nan and grandpa’s house is always neat but not obsessively neat. my grandads house is full of clutter because my nan was a hoarder 

About how much can you bench press? 

I dont know, I havent lifted in years 

Have you ever had your phone die on you in the middle of a conversation? 

yes

Is anybody in your family a carpenter? 

no

Are you avoiding someone? 

yes

Do you call your boyfriend “Monkey”? 

I dont have a boyfriend but if I did I doubt id call him monkey

What’s your favorite primary color? 

yellow #hufflepuffpride

What were you for Halloween? 

nothing, I didn't dress up 

Do you have any clothes from Walmart? 

nope, we dont have Walmart here

When did you get a Facebook? 

about 10 years ago 

What color are your eyes? 

green/hazel

What motivates you? 

happiness

Can you walk in heels? 

nope

When was the last time someone asked you your age? 

the other day, my own mother forgot how old I was

Do you keep a journal? 

not really

Have you ever tried a weird flavor of vodka? 

never had vodka

Do you wear a ring on your finger? 

occasionally

What are you doing? 

watching ‘the greatest dancer’ and wondering if this survey is ever going to end 

What’s the last kind of soup you ate?

tomato 

Do you currently have a sunburn?

no. its winter

Who did you last text? 

my sister

Who’d you last call? About what? 

my mom, to ask her to come downstairs and let the dogs out because the baby was asleep on me and there was no way I was going to risk waking her up

Are you currently frustrated with someone? 

yes

Do you drink water or soda more often? 

water

Do you straighten your hair?

yes

When did you last talk to your brother or sister? 

today

What is your least favorite vegetable? 

all of them

Outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often. 

Rhys, Addison, Jacob

In school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in? 

IT

Was there a subject that you enjoyed, but weren’t too good at? 

I didn't really enjoy any subjects at school

When was the last time something didn’t go to plan? What happened? 

today. I had planned to deep clean the bathroom but I went super dizzy and had to give up half way through cleaning 

Do you have any children? If not, at what age do you think you’ll feel ready to be a parent? 

I dont but I am seriously considering adopting one of our foster babies atm. I want to adopt anyway, theres no way I could be pregnant 

When was the last time you bought a new item of clothing?Describe it. 

I honestly cant remember, im due a shopping trip

Was your last Facebook friend request from a male or female?

female

Do you have an item of clothing that makes you feel especially beautiful? Describe it. 

not really no

Think of the last person that betrayed you. If they said they were sorry, would you forgive them? 

I would cautiously forgive him but I would also make sure he knew that how he treated me was not okay and that he really upset me and this would be his last chance. but tbh I think hes done with me so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nastiest thing you’ve ever done? 

I dont know, I dont like being nasty

Have you ever been in a lighthouse? 

nope

What colour is your shower? 

I think its silver, ive ever actually noticed

Where do you order your pizza from?

dominos

When is the last time you had a serious talk with someone?

few days ago 

Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? 

yes, im a creature of habit

What colour is your bike?

silver & purple

What word can you not stand to hear people say? 

the c word, I cant even type it

What room of your house are you in? 

living room 

What is the temperature in your city right now? 

9°c

When did you last use a post-it-note?

last week in the script for the show im currently working on 

Would you ever want to own your own restaurant? 

yes

Do you have a fan in your bedroom? 

no I dont like them, they make too much noise 

Who is the last person that you took a picture with? 

one of our foster kids 

When is the last time you were stuck in a fairly long traffic jam?

the weekend before christmas 

Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? 

not many

When was your most recent trip to an aquarium? 

almost two years ago 

What do you like in your salads and what dressing do you prefer? 

I dont like salads

If it has one, do you ever use the notepad function in your phone? 

all the time, Im constantly writing lists or reminders to myself 

How good would you say your memory is?

long term good, short term bad

About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? 

a few times

Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? 

multiple, we have plugs in and sprays and those automatic ones that go off every 15 minutes 

What’s one thing you’re glad you’ve done recently?

done my laundry :’) im on my last pair of pants!

Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? 

no

Do you like to sit in the sun and tan when it’s hot out? 

not really, I dont like being too hot

Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? 

no

Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? 

yes, I love driving most of the time 

Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? 

no

Do you like french fries?

yes

Have you ever eaten so much you puked?

not since I was a kid 

Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? 

annoyingly yes

Would you rather go to Greece or France?

greece

[spnbaby-67]

Her Surprise Chapter 3

Summary: Your best friend takes you to a Vancouver Convention for your Birthday, how will you react to some fans who truly don’t know what it means to true SPN Family. Will you stay? Or will you close down?

A/N: Hey all, here is chapter three, hope you like it. it’s full of angst, also some good news on this. I decided to make this into a fic series, so there will be more than the original five chapters I had intended. Thank you to Gaynor, @secretlyfurrydragon Ya’ll I cant mention enough how much she has helped me on my writing, she’s an amazing writer herself so please go check out her blog on @secretimpala67 and her AO3 account, i’ll get the link soon. She’s awesome, sweet, and very patient with me. So thank You Gaynor for your help. My stories are not to be posted on any other website without my full consent, gifs i use are not mine they are the editors who made them. Also please  no hate on Danneel, I love her to bits and I can’t wait to see her on SPN. Ok lets read. Also I am kind of nervous about this chapter, I’m going by what I experienced at a convention before, so part of the readers troubles are of mine as well. *I’m kind of nervous about this one but let me know what you think. love ya’ll 

Pairing; Jensen Ackles and Reader

Warnings: Angst, hurt reader! losing confidence, overweight reader, some fans not being nice. Language, (i’m sorry i cuss)

Her Surprise. Chapter 3

Catch up Here.

Reader’s POV

After we left Starbucks, I was grinning from ear to ear. I still can’t believe we ran into Jensen and Jared, I mean how fucking cool is that? In all honesty, truth be told, I was overly excited, that I even had a skip in my step as I walked. Haven’t done that since I was a kid, it was awesome. Meeting them was unexpected and a once in a lifetime opportunity right there. I barely heard Ari tell me to calm down. Quit acting like a kid.  I mean fuck what did she want me to do? Not get excited at all? Um I don't think that's an option for me right now.

One, I’m hyped up on sugar and marshmallows, and two, I just met Jensen fucking Ackles. So how am I supposed to calm down after that? Nope no way, not gonna happen, I can literally die happy now. Besides, she was fawning all over Jared, so what’s the big deal? I can’t help how hyped up I get when I’ve had too much sugar, she knows this so I don't really understand what's the problem is with her.

I know some fans get lucky enough at some conventions who get to see them out in the normal world. But me, this just doesn’t happen. I'm never usually that lucky to have anything good or even amazing happen to me. I’m still reeling it in, trying to remember their cologne, their conversation, hell everything. The way Jensen smiled, and laughed as his nose crinkled in that adorable way. Yep he’s fucking adorable all right.

“What’s wrong Ari? You’re acting like you're upset at something. Was it something I did?” I asked her as we walked into the hotel lobby.

“No it wasn't you and I’m not upset Y/N,” she paused a bit and when she does that, I know she's hiding something from me. “It’s just so overwhelming. I can’t believe we just met Jared and Jensen, total dream come true for sure.” She pushed the button for the elevator, then turned her back to lean against the wall as we waited for it. She wouldn't even look at me.

I studied her body language, I gotten used to her over the years I've know her and could read her like a book, “I know, me to.” I played along with her game, “It was totally awesome, this weekend is going to be the best. But If there was anything wrong, you’d tell me right?” The elevator ding and the doors open, we got on and she pushed the button to our floor.

She smiled at me reassuringly, “Y/N, I’m ok honestly. Do you want to order in, or go out before we register for our tickets?’

“We have to register?” I asked her as we got off the elevator.

“Yeah, it’s from 8:00 to 9:00 pm for Gold members, I figured we can go eat first, then register and get our passes, then come back to our room and strategize our plans for tomorrow.” She opened the door to our hotel room, threw her purse on the desk by the door, grabbed a bottled water from the fridge we had bought previously, then went to sit on the couch.

“Yeah, sounds goods to me. I'll just go shower and change.” I took my scarf and jacket off then laid them on the bed before gathering comfortable clothes for a shower. I poked my head out of the bathroom for a moment and  watched Aeryn a bit longer and saw that something was bothering her, the way she sat slumped on the couch looking down at her phone. I decided not to push it because when she gets this way, she will close down on me if I keep at it. I'll talk to her when the time is right and see what's going on then, but for now shower.

Ari’s POV

Meeting Jared and Jensen was purely awesome to say the least, it was magical and unexpected. The way they talked to us, paid attention to us, and even spared a few minutes telling us whatever was on there minds. It was definitely a dream come true for the both of us. I’m not upset at Y/N and I know she senses something is wrong, to tell you the truth there is something wrong and I don’t want her to know what I heard or saw. I’m pissed as hell about it and ready to knock someone’s teeth out. It’s all over twitter which I’m thankful Y/N doesn’t have, she had told me time and time again it was just something to waste time on. She’s right of course, but I have it and now I see things on there that she doesn’t and I don't really want to see either. I mean I thought we are supposed to be family, not judge others just because of their weight. Family, true family don’t do that. I know once she see’s it, it’ll break her. I know what it's going to do to her.

Apparently, someone at Starbucks recorded our little dance we do every time we hear Carry On My Wayward Son, posted it on twitter and made nasty comments about Y/N. She’s a good person, sweetheart of a friend, and to me a sister I never had. I only asked her to stop acting like a kid because of what I saw, I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire  I mean they already had an advantage on her, why make it worse?  I didn’t want her to think it was anything else, so i just changed my attitude. I can’t believe how cruel people can be, yeah Y/N’s a little overweight but she eats healthy and has done everything she can to lose the weight. That part no one sees but me. I know the struggles she faces everyday, some times to the point where she breaks down at night and cries herself to sleep. When she’s feeling she can’t handle it anymore, she’ll refuses to eat anything for a few days when she is so down that it hurts me as well as her to see her like that.

Her life has been a horror show growing up, because of her abusive father which is her story to tell. That’s why I wanted to give her a weekend full of fun memories instead of the crap people give her every day, not only here but she gets it at work to. Patients complain about her attitude and the way she looks. She’s the most caring person in the world and our boss knows this, however some people can be such dicks.  But for her to even get crap here when no one knows her, it upsets me and makes me angry they could talk about her like that. Especially when all I want to do is give her a birthday she’ll never forget.  I know when she finds out it will hurt her and cause her to feel depressed and I know I will have to support as I always try to do as I try to help her through it all.

That’s why I got to do my damnedest to make sure she has an amazing experience. Seeing Jensen and the cast do their panels and singing and most of all have fun. Hopefully, if things work out great like I think they will, she will have the best birthday ever. I may hide some things from her sometimes so she doesn't get hurt, but this time I think it’s going to work out where she will have the best convention experience ever as I have a few surprises up my sleeve this weekend.

Readers POV

After my shower, I changed into some jeans and my supernatural t-shirt Ari bought me that said, Run fast like Dean Winchester saw you crash the Impala. Course, I’d never do that to Baby. I love her just as much as Dean does I think. Well if that’s even possible, but Ari got me the shirt saying it would be awesome. Why not? Right? I giggle at myself in the full length mirror thinking what Dean would say if he saw this shirt, can you imagine his face. I put on a fresh coat of makeup and touched up my hair a bit, then added some perfume. I only use a certain kind, since I’m allergic to most of them as I get a terrible headache. Anyway, I walk out of my room to see Ari waiting for me as she had fallen asleep on the couch clutching her phone to her chest, now I know something is up.

I gently tap her on the shoulder, “Ari, I’m ready,” she jumps kicking the back of the couch and dropping her phone. Which she immediately picks up, almost nervously like she done something wrong, or knows something I don’t.

“Are you ok?” I asked her with caution.

“Um, yeah, I’m good. Just fell asleep watching something while I waited for you, did you have to take a cold shower after your Jensen run in?” She nudged my elbow as we walked to the door.

“Ha, funny Ari. No I didn’t, but it didn’t stop me thinking of him,” I walked out towards the elevator with a huge grin on my face.

“Well, hopefully we will see him again at SNS tomorrow night.”

“Yeah, that would be amazing.”

We walk into the elevator as it makes its way to the ground floor. We get off and head to the restaurant close by. It’s nice and smelt so good when we walked in the front door. Oh my god, my mouth watered as we walked by some people on our way to our table. The food here it looks very tempting, but I have to stick to my diet. Just because I’m on vacation, doesn’t mean the body is. As you can tell, I’m very cautious of my weight. I have tried several diets in the past, none worked. I wonder if there is a miracle pill that will help me lose at least 40 more pounds, one can dream. I envy Ari, she’s at the perfect weight. Beautiful, sweet, and amazing person. She can eat anything in the world and not gain a pound.

We get to our table, our waiter asked us what we want to drink. She orders a Coke and I am so tempted to get a Dr.Pepper, but I’ll stick to water. “So, what’s on the at the convention tomorrow? Who's going to be first?”  I took a sip.

“Hmm, Gil McKinney and Alaina Huffman’s Q & A is first, they come on stage at 12 to 12:45 pm after Rich, Rob and Louden Swain does their opening ceremony.” She heard her cell phone notifications go off, what surprised me was she ignored it.

“You’re not going to answer your notifications or even look at it?” I looked at her curiously.

She jabbed a french fry in a pool of ketchup. “No, it’s nothing important. So, what are you going to buy at the vendor's room tomorrow?” She continued to eat the fries as she changed the subject.

For her to ignore a notification like that, something is up. But I’m going to ignore this as I know she will tell me in time what’s bothering her. “I don’t know, I need  some more shirts for sure. Maybe some Jensen items, I was also hoping to decorate the house all in Supernatural. What do you think?” I took a bite of my chicken salad.

She raised her head, “Oh that would be awesome, I think we can make that work.”

We finished our dinner and she insisted on paying, telling me that this is my birthday dinner. We do this every year, when it’s hers I pay so no arguing there. We get back to the hotel and the lines were already starting to form and we decided to join them. Since we had a few minutes, we made ourselves comfortable on the floor just like everyone else did. We have this app on our phones that lets us watch tv anywhere. Which was pretty cool, especially with Supernatural being on tonight. So,I,took out my phone and opened it up, then we sat back to watch it.  I so love that we get the luxury of watching it anywhere we wish too.

Finally, and lucky for us, Supernatural was over which was a damn good episode. I cried literally, I hate when Dean gets hurt or even the tiniest scratch on him. Breaks my heart and I tear up, Ari thinks it's funny but I call that true love and a devoted fan of Dean Winchester. What can I say? He’s fucking awesome.

Eventually, we finally get to the head of the line, Ari shows the man the printout of the tickets we are suppose to register for. He then typed our names into the computer so we could get our badges and wristbands at the next table. It didn’t really take long to go through the registration process, I thought it was cool how they scan your PDF tickets with a cellphone. It’s amazing what technology can do these days. When we finished with the registration stuff, we went outside to take a walk near the jetty. Ari looked up at the sky as if she was deep in thought.

I was watching her face as I wanted to ask but she spoke first, “hey look at that Y/N?” She pointed upwards.

It was a falling star and I closed my eyes quickly to make a wish. Course mine is the same as always, to have Jensen fall in love with me. I shrugged my shoulders with a small smile on my lips. I know that’s a crazy idea, there is no fucking way in hell Jensen would fall in love with an overweight girl like me. But oh if he did, he would be taken care of and never feel empty of anything. Just then my stomach growled and I looked at Ari with a laugh.

She looked at me, “I take it that salad didn’t last long huh?” She asked me.

“Yeah maybe I should’ve gotten something more filling.” as it growled again.

“Ok, how about we compromise. We go get a veggie burger before we go upstairs, and then we’ll play trivial pursuit Supernatural style?”

“Sounds good,” I agreed as we walk to the burger joint that we passed earlier.

We entered the burger joint and the smell was incredible it smelt like bacon and onions. Can we cue an entrance for Dean Winchester right about now? I laughed at my own thoughts as we were lead to our table. The atmosphere was nice, lights turned down a bit to give a soft glow. Classic rock music played in the background and I was enjoying maybe a little too much when the waitress came over to us.

‘Hi, I’m Maggie, what can I get you?” she had her pen and pad ready.

Ari took the lead before I could open my mouth, “we will both have a veggie burger, she will have a dr. pepper and I will have a coke please.” She looked at me like uh huh I got you this time kind of look.

She smiled then left to turn our orders in. “Ari, you know I am on a diet and don’t need to be drinking any soda right now.”

“You're also on vacation Y/N, you can enjoy it, it’s your birthday weekend.”

I rolled my eyes, “Fine, just one won’t hurt.”

A couple of tables down behind us, some girls were there. I couldn’t really see what they were doing or giggling so hard about, but Ari saw and I thought she was going to go tear some heads off. Our order came thankfully at the right time, the more I watched Ari the more I could tell she was pissed off at something. I turned my head to face them and they just waved as if nothing was wrong. But once I turned my back, the giggling started again.

Ari stood up from her chair and threw the napkin she had in her hand roughly on the table. “That’s it,” she starts to go over to them, but I grabbed her wrist and told her to sit down. “What?” She asked with a harsh tone.

“Leave it, whatever there issues is with us, it can wait. I’m here to have a great weekend, spend time with my best friend and explore Vancouver with her. Not in  some jail cell because she punched someone, so chill out.” I can’t believe I was that hard on her, but at that moment I didn’t care. I don’t care about what other people do, I only care about having fun.

Ari’s POV

The waitress came to refill our drinks and Y/N told her no, that one was enough. Water will do for now, she agreed and filled her glass then left us be. Once I took a bite of my burger, my eyes looked over at the girls who were whispering something. I knew it was about Y/N, every fiber in my being wanted to go over there and punch them. But I’m going to be good, I won't stoop to their level and let them win. That’s one thing I learned about bullies, is that they want you to fight back and lose so they know your weaknesses for next time.

I squinted my eyes at them telling them that I’m going to kick their asses if they didn’t stop, then one of them whispered something to the other as she shows her something on her phone. The laughing ensued and I can tell Y/N was wondering what was going on, but I also knew it was time to tell her. But how and when is the question at the moment. I bit my bottom lip so hard at the thought of what I had to do, which shouldn’t have happen to begin with. People just don’t understand that overweight people like Y/N are beautiful and sweet on the inside and out. I mean honestly she’s really not overweight, her height takes up most of it. It just irks me that people think they can hurt someone they don’t even know.

I look over at Y/N,  “Y/N are you alright?” I asked.

“Yeah, just thinking about our day tomorrow. It’s going to be so much fun, I literally can’t wait.” Right at that time, her face lit up. All the crap that happened before was completely forgotten about, thankfully.

“It's going to be the best day ever, I’m going to make sure you have the best birthday weekend.”

“Hey you deserve to have a great weekend to Ari, you work just as hard as I do so you need to have fun to. Don’t concentrate on me too much that you don’t have fun to ok?”

See, there she goes. Always thinking of others before herself, this is what those bitches don’t see. “Yes but I wanted you to know how much I love you Y/N and that your the best sister a girl could ever have.”

“ Hey, you are my sister too. We stick together and support each other like we always do.”

“Let’s say we go to our room, play a couple of games then head to bed. It’s going to be a very long day tomorrow. And from what I hear from other con goers, it’s a long day of doing lots of different things and being on our feet.”

The girls were still giggling and one cleared her throat as if she was about to say something but changed her mind, I gave her a death glare she changed her attitude real quick. But gave me a smirk instead I wanted to slap it off her pretty over makeup face of hers.

Reader’s POV

We finished our burgers, course Ari paid again. I told her plenty of times not to do that, but do you think she listens to me? Nope she doesn't. I am not sure what’s going on with those girls and why they are so hell bent on laughing at us, but I’m determined to find out. Once I do, I will get what information they have and it will be fixed. Somehow.

Walking towards the door, I turned to look at them one last time. I saw them still laughing so hard, at what I dunno. I wasn't sure but I thought I saw one of them videoing us as we walked out. Nah it must be my mind playing tricks on me. Why would they want to video us we are not that important. I shrugged it off as we walked back to the hotel. Ari’s phone ping again with a notification, as usual she ignored it as we headed for the elevator up to our room.

“You know, I need to know what’s going on with you. You know I’ll find out sooner or later. So might as well tell me.” I stood there with my hands on my hips looking at her.

I heard her sigh, “Fine.” She opened her cellphone and showed me what people were laughing about. “I wanted to hide it from you, because you don’t need this.’

I felt my blood begin to boil as my body got hot, I then started to pace in the living room area of the hotel. I was hot, no I was pissed. Now I know why those girls were laughing, how can people be so cruel? I sighed, maybe I shouldn’t be here. Maybe they are right, I don’t hold a spot in Jensen’s life and he wouldn’t want me holding on his arms like the so called fat person I am. I look at Ari, “I’m going to bed, then tomorrow I am going to have the best time in my life. Come Monday we go home, end of story.”

She gets up to hug me, then I go to my room and she goes to hers. I cuddle with my pillow after I changed into my PJ’s, tears fall down my cheeks. From this day forward, I won’t do that stupid dance in front of anyone anymore. I’ll stick to my diet plan, and I’ll be happy when I see Jensen on Sunday. But that’s as far as it goes, for now. I reached over to my phone, pulled up my flight plan home, hit the cancel button to refund my money back to my card. I’ll talk to the hotel people and see if I can change my stay as well. No sense in staying in a place longer when you're not welcomed. I’ll just have to pretend to Ari all weekend that I’m ok, it’ll will work it has before she's didn't know how much pain I was in. Night Jensen I said to myself as I fell asleep dreaming of my meeting with him earlier. His beautiful face danced behind my eyes as he smiles at me. I couldn’t help but fall asleep smiling.

Tags: Let me know if you want on or off, I’ll be glad to add you. Love you all.

@secretlyfurrydragon, @secretimpala67, @nanie5 @samflovver, @madisun16 @fanfreak07 @pjofangirl18 @sailor-sammi @smoothdogsgirl @tiffanycaruso @jesstherebel @paralyzedlove @rowdyhooliganism @jdmbabe1980 @dixonsvixon2017 @alliekay727 @bombaluv96 @aubreystilinski @shamelesslydean @impalackless @bluedaisy21 @dslocum89 @mimilovespandas97 @kat821 @magnolialikes @angelus320 @soobi89 @percussiongirl2017 @soulily0 @spndeanlover1967 @akshi8278 @pariskitty18 @waterlilyshaista @skylarraker @destiney314 @jensen-gal @helpmeyouassbutt @timelady12 

[jamesdazell]

Happy New Year 2020

Happy New Year. I hope this year brings more love and less hate. More peace and less pain. More kindness and less jealousy. More self-love and less comparison. A time to embrace new beginnings and wave goodbye to toxic times.

I

I posted one thing to Instagram last year. I had a really productive year and it was so full of growth in every important way to me. You cant Instagram that. It's something within you. You dont photograph it; you recognise it by a change of behaviour and outlook. Everything else in a year to year comparison is acquisition, age, or a change of scenery. I'm more excited and fulfilled by the experiences of personal growth and major changes of perspective than a drive for success in a career reshaping myself after the ideal habits and image that would more undo me than make me. I have no interest in a success wherein at the end of the journey I wouldn’t know myself, nor enjoy the company I shared. Success at all costs, is not very interesting. At the moment, if I were a successful writer by exactly what I wish to do.. who would I sit with when I got there? No. I won’t become published. There is more to success than pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and rolling up your sleeves. That’s a straight white male Christian’s romantic rhetoric. who gave themselves a free passport to show up anywhere and set up an imitation of success back in Europe. Nothing betrays the reality of white male priveledge like success and failure as an act of one's own will or quality of mind.  In reality, there are circumstances and situations to take in to account. Success in the end is a kind of assimiliation; a manner of fitting in, and imitating the model of success. One finds the same thing succeeds in the same place time and time again, with subtle novelty to make it seem new. But on deeper analysis, there are places where certain achievements never occur at all, even in the richest conditions, because it wasn’t the nature of the place; it's not to their particular temprament or personal contstitution. One is successful because they lend power to already existing success. They are useful to power or that which desires it.

My existence fulfills me, more than the world’s idea. Life and all its difficulties and lessons, learning how to become a better and a more contented me. In a way my life is a series of finding ways of preserving myself and not being shaped after the pressures of life or adapting after the world's image and excitement, because I've always known who I am and what I'm about. But it does become hard to preserve and to affirm oneself in the ever changing world with its innovations that change the very farbic of society. There is always a need to find my defensive and offensive strategies to preserve and affirm myself in the face of the world. And my interests and passions - though this may be true of everybody - are ways of retaining, maintaining, and developing the best parts of myself, without giving them up for popular fads that rise and fall. Learning about myself, the world, and what everything is really about. Finding my own drama, meaning, goals, and adventure of life on my own terms, out of my own experiences, not those shoved into me from media and social pressure. How could I Instagram that. The moment I post a moment I am happy with is the moment I doubt my happiness and put my memory up for public validation. No. I validate myself and I validate my own experiences and memorable moments. I dont need to know how much something is likeable: I have liked it. I dont need to know how agreeable a thought is: I have thought it. I dont need to know how achieved an act is: I have done it. I dont need to know how good this is: I am proud of it.

I envy the blind person who has no use for the narcissism of Instagram, is spared of the passive agressive anxiety and pessimism on Twitter, and still appreciates life for all the things truly worth appreciating. Whose appreciation for life cannot be photographed, and does not know the dopamine addiction for a validation 'like' counter to compensate their low self-esteem. Social media is a petri dish for narcissism. And every woke person is a basket case with the same narcissistic anxiety as everyone else on it hoping to be validated and gain followers for their wokeness. Narcissists crave validation. Disable them by disengaging. Narcissists are made not born. They are overindulged in validation and underindulged in emtional connection. They dont reflect. They socialise to have conversations about their problems in order to be forgiven and receive consoling kind words about themselves, and pretend they dealt with it. Because all narcissists want is validation. And it’s the epidemic of our time.

2

Our self-impression of ourselves we upload onto (anti-)social media, is not nearly as interesting and attractive, as the details, humour, idiosyncracies we are unaware of, because it's not interesting when we try to impress - especially by such superficial things, most of which aren't even things to do with ourselves, but places we arrive to and things we acquire. Images of ourselves without context, a macroscopic gaze devoid of the energy and life of its context: namely, existence. All the things that make up the rest of the picture that a healthy perception takes into account. It rubs away so much of a human being that they are left little more than a skin surface. It makes us into journalists of our own lives (except not reviewers), and advertisers of everything we don't need.

I understand I could use social media to gain success in my aims, but I dont want to become what that entails in the process nor want a success that would depend on other people being on these platforms to grant me it. Work hard and succeed quietly, making your work your achievement. Do good deeds in silence. Don't do it to then post on social media because you still need the excess validation. Do it because it was a good thing to do. Absolving your mistakes by your own conscience is the long road round of not caring about that you made them all. If its not forgiveness by a change of behaviour, or attitude then nothing has been learned and nothing changed.

Dont just travel to places. Make memories there. Theres nothing impressive about boarding a commercial plane and showing up where it lands. What else was expected. If there was no growth or contribution there, were you even there. Just passing through like an invisible wind. Lifestyles are for people with no real meaning in their life. It's a way to fill the void of daily meaninglessnes that they have to stylise their life. It used to be that there were things unnecessary to buy. Now it is things unnecessary to know. You must know? What for? Knowledge without purpose is decadence. Keep to your lane. If it's youre job to know, then know and do your job. One voice of reason well articulated can silence a room of idiots. Thats how the world works. On social media, the idiots gain ascendancy by liking each others idiocy 10k skyward. Power is reversed online.

Once you no longer care for the validation and public reception, and once you realise that politically social media is ineffectual to substantial change - snce it's effectively a right wing publishing model with every ounce of sense falling off the algorithm - it's just watching the world go to hell one post at a time. And that to thrive on it is to assimilate with its ideal: a narcissist. A juvenile superficial arena of naval gazing dopamine addicts. Everything else on it is somewhere between a complaint box, click bait, and ‘food-food advertising.’ Then there feels no point to it regarding your health and self-esteem. Filling your mind, your eyes, with things which were not present a moment ago, which may have stirred and disturbed you for a much longer time. It's made by and for narcissists to peak dopamine hits.

Dopamine acts as a neurotransmitter made by different parts of the brain that is part of our evolutionary chemicals that gave us the drive to do things that were positive for our survival. The chemical that made our brain drive us to eat when hungry, find warmth and shelter when cold, to reproduce our genes to survive, now that same reward chemical in the brain floods in excess. Your brain wants the dopamine not the thing. Its the motivation chemical. We need it. We evolved by it. It keeps us positive by controlling memory, focus, attention, motivation. Without can cause lack of focus, restlessness and irritability, erractic impulsive bodily movement, and indecision. And prologned deficiency due to the excess of it swell and depletion it, cause stress, anxiety, depression to ensue.

We live in a dopamine driven culture. We sell this idea that drugs are enhancing. Drugs are not enhancing at all. It's evident that no feeling of reward from alcohol, smoking, cocaine, heroin, cannabis, meth, other pain relief and psychoactive drugs, etc is giving you anything that your body wasnt already giving you, and if anything those substances only reduce the same chemical that is desired to attain by one using them. And naturally this deficiency therefore leads to dependency and addiction, because the person thinks these substances are where they got them and how they got a boost of them. When actually they use them up and it takes a couple of weeks to restore to normal regulation which is why people go back to substances, then bulld up a tolerance and need more. Tolerance is actually your body's natural adaptation trying to regulate your body to new circumstances. Tolerance isn’t you handling the substance more. It’s a natural adaptive response that the body undergoes to re-regulate, to counter-act the effect of alcohol and drugs. Your body thinks it’s sick and adapts to the change. That’s why you get drunk faster if you drink less frequently than if you drink regularly long-term. It’s like resetting the zero point on weighing scales manually. So, a drinker will need more to tip the tolerance, because your body reset ‘a-lot-more-alcohol’ to the new zero point. The reason a person gets drunk less quickly after drinking regularly is because the body reduces its GABA inhibitiors and increases the exciters, because the effect of the alochol had been increasing the GABA inhibitiors and reducing the exciters. But the alcoholic wants the GABA inhibitors because the dopamine has now associated it with the reward chemical, and so drink more to tip the balance in favour of the GABA inhibitors because they get the “good feeling.”All which the body would have given you anyway. Whats more, is that its the same of one-click online shopping, advertising, high sugar food and drink, high carbs, junk food, binge watching TV, image scrolling sites, porn, dating apps, and social media. As well as anything that increases stress, because it depletes dopamine, which results in further stress, anxiety, attention deficit disorder, depression. Our cultural lifestyle is dopamine addiction. But it’s effect is the reverse. It’s self-depricating and makes us less ambitious because dopamine is needed for motivation. The only thing that adds extra boost of reward chemical of dopamine, endogenous opioid, serotonin, and endogenous cannabinoid, is by eating healthy food, getting sufficient sleep, and getting regular and intense aerobic exercise, and some stretching/strength building. The healthier we are, the more powerful and stronger we feel, the motivated and ambitious we are, the more daring and inspired, the happier and more tolerant of things that would otherwise stress. We are a better human being for it. Big business exploiting our evolutionary chemicals to keep us addicted to unnecessary lifestyles, media, and products. And because it takes a week or more to replenish naturally, an addiction cycle to quick fix substances occur. It used to be that a person should just not do drugs, but now its a whole lifestyle that should be avoided.

Our most legal drugs are the worst. Alochol and cigarettes have more death related incidents than illegal substances. 5 minutes of doing nothing is better for your brain than 5 minutes of social media. You improve your brain and subsequently your body, having the same feel good pain relieving chemicals that are desired,  and subsequently the power over your environment and subsequently your life by doing nothing, compared to engaging with most of culture available.

Here is a video explaining drug addiction and dopamine (same applies to carbs, sugar, fast food, junk food, and other quick fix dopamine reward high)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxHNxmJv2bQ&t=2s

The reason is people want the inhibitors. Even though its not giving them anything that their body wouldnt give for free. Its wiring the brain to respond to stress, suffering, and pain. Drugs alleviate pressure. But whether for pleasure or for stress, it’s a response to a situation. It’s not the danger of drugs that matter to me. It's a mental health issue. But your body gives you what it needs, and drives you to get what it needs. If you would only allow it to do its job. You want to make life lighter. But in reality all real things are heavy. The pressure of life ought to stimulate a response that demands more health and more strength. The body wants to give you more health and strength. The very feeling of struggle in life, psychological feeling, and at times physical strife, is your body signalling to you that you need a higher health and strength. In strife, the body fights or flight. In other words, innately decides if it behaves decadently or towards health; existentially or ecstatically. The proper reaction to pressure is to be stronger, the reaction to signals of low moods is be healthier, the reaction to de-motivation is to eat dopamine increasing foods, get exercise, sunshine, and sleep; the proper reaction to insecurity is do something daring that would require confidence. “To have strength, one must first need it” Nietzsche. It’s a resilience and strength of mind that has to be trained. Drugs don’t alleviate depression, they perpetuate it, by never solving the problem. They decrease the feel good chemical in the brain that would have pulled the person out of depression. That’s what rehab centres are really doing, they are taking the person out of the habits that are disrupting the body’s natural chemical regulation. The body has to rewire itself to desire healthier habits, feel good, and motivation. The pressures of life are life demanding you to be more and you have to go meet it. That's just the game of being a functioning human being.

You are getting the feel good drugs all the time. You are actually depleating your body of things which it thinks it wants. You get those chemical in such a surge that they create deficiency. You think its an uplifting buzz. You're getting a buzz from things that wont improve your life when your body is trying to give those chemical to you to motivate you for things that will. Knowledge is not power. Health is power.

Drugs just block stuff. It doesnt give. It just blocks so that your body supplies more of what it already has because it thinks it cant provide. This deprives people of realising the native vigour of their human potential. Whats needed to realise the ecstatic nature of a human being has always been Great Health. There are however obvious remedies, none of which define post modern culture if you bring them all together. Getting plenty of sleep, exercise, sunshine, socialise better, have healthier and uplifting hobbies, read, draw, learn an instrument, learn often, eating certain dopamine increasing foods, less carbs, less meat, less sugar, less coffee, less alcohol etc less of everything that is post-modern American culture. Read more, great things, with charisma and intelligence, with depth and meaning, things beautifully written and timeless. Listen to music that reaches into you and excites as much as it calms, a catharsis of emotion that needed to be recognised and explored. Visual art that belongs to great times, and not artists who think their pain is worth your attention. A culture that brings out the best of you. The best mind. The best health. The best company to be around. The best aspirations for yourself. The best diet and lifestyle. It’s an interesting time because it feels to go with the flow is the worst thing to do, not only boring, but bad health. And to experiment with exploring your own direction is essential. Find yourself in your own culture you invent. Design your own culture. Experiment with everything and explore what brings out you the most at your best.

Our genetic code is like a piano. It has all the notes laid out. But it makes proteins, and it decides which to make based on responses to situations and experiences, that is epigenetics. So it's like your genetic code is a piano, all the available notes laid out, and epigenetics is like the music being played on it. Choosing which of the available notes to use when in response to situations and experiences. We live by the piano made by generations of our ancestors. Each one of us trying to play new beautiful music to pass on.

Foods that help increase dopamine are fish for omega 3, oregano and oregano oils, probiotic foods that help absorb amino acids to make dopamine, green tea (as it helps electrical signals to move around the brain), tumeric (easy way is to add it to rice or pasta) which lowers inflammation in the brain allowing for more dopamine release, high magnesium foods like pumpkin, beetroot, spinach (this also helps for good sleep), blueberries, everyday vegetables like broccoli, tomatoes, garlic, asparagus. Plus good for boosting serotonin are walnuts pistachios, lactose free milk. For both, have avocados, and eggs.

3

This is not to denounce hedonism and Epicureanism. On the contrary give me all the Saturnalia  Lupercalia  Bacchanal you like, the more ecstatic culture the better. Music and dance are the only arts of the twentieth century that got anywhere toward the ancient ecstatic culture. And because it looked beyond European tradition to world cultures, on other continents like Africa and Asia. But this trans-Altantic post-Modern culture is just decadent self deprecation. Naturally, spawned by Christian cultures, which favoured transcendence from everything bodily. And has always had an aversion to power and strength. which the body is trying to supply but we keep kicking it away for cheap fixes. Principle causes for a love of Minoan-Mycenean-Greco-Roman cultures, utterly in contradiction to Abrahamic faiths. Not Ancient and Modern. Polytheism versus Monotheism as a whole frame of mind. Ecstatic versus Existential. Greco-Roman vs Abrahamism.  I don’t want to get rid of Abrahamism, but there are much  better alternatives healthier mind and body, from which emanates a whole  culture and art, indeed, civilizations.

There was a recent study of the healthiest countries in the world with the obvious result that the Mediterranean (listing Spain and Italy first and second) and Japan as the healthiest cultures. Of course, the traditions of their culture are entirely health driven. "a Mediterranean-style diet, which has been shown to reduce cardiovascular events, mostly stroke, compared with a Western diet. A Mediterranean diet includes generous quantities of olive oil, fruits, vegetables, nuts, whole grains, and fish; limited portions of red meats or processed meats; and moderate amounts of cheese and wine." explains Dr. Ron Blankstein, a cardiovascular imaging specialist and preventive cardiologist at Harvard-Harvard-affiliated Brigham and Women's Hospital.

Post-war America created post-modern society and the PR/advertising industry. Post-modernism, not only a juvenile variation of modernism, but a hijack of evolutionary biology. Everything innate to our nature stimulated into an excessive overkill, exploited in order to get us hooked on unnecessary media, lifestyles, and products. To be healthy is to be unAmerican, to be unPost-Modern. Everything introduced is psychologically detrimental. Walk around and try to find a place that isn’t junk food, gambling, alcohol, shopping, coffee.

The more capitol cities are the epicentre of post-modern culture as we 'move forward' into regression, I am lured away to less notable locations, that have been spared and still retain some health without artificial substance abuse just to keep afloat. Cities now brim full of juvenile yuppie narcissistic kidults on finance living like they’re still at university, and cultural funding dwindling as we’ve regressed back into the 1980s yuppie culture that made all the baby boomers rich. You can almost map the baby boomer life with the creation of post-modernism. The PR industry, nicotine, plastics, sugar, the colour television, LSD, ketamine, the 60s in their teens, the 70s love-in in their twenties, the 80s wealthy cocaine yuppies in their thirties, repackaging their youth to kids in the 90s, and ever since, and the masterplan that has been the 21st century of white nationalism they were raised on in their earliest memories in the 1950s. And what is “progressive” today is only what was progressive in the 60s almost as a left-wing conservativism because things have moved so far-right,

But it has become clear (as big business, big tech, fossil, and right wing gain ever more ascendency) that our knowing is ineffectual and only depresses us. "We absorb so much information that we've lost our common sense" Gertrude Stein once said. Politics has become worse since the advent of social media, not better. We don’t know more, but find those comments that argue our own opinion for us. People buy books, go to the theatre, to hear about things they already believe. Armchair activists are not as effectual as they think. And hardworking Foundations and Charities still exist. The richest of the rich only take care of things that concern them, and believe if the poor suffer enough they'll take care of themselves. The detriment of engaging with the platform, outweighs the good intentions of using it. And consequences are always more important than intentions. It's not important to know, if prudence and profoundness are lacking. 

4

My life has its own universe, and social media inhibits that to the degree that I cannot see the situation of my own universe enough to do enough about it for its own sake. My existence is it's own universe. Make your world your passion. Better to do whatever makes you feel empowered and proactive and take care of your lane as much as you can. The more you listen to the news the more you live after it. You react to whats todays news and tomorrows and the next, forgetting your own personal power. Be disruptive as a child that is full of energy and aim not living after the world but their own happiness. The world must always find its arrangement. Where people find where they belong. Not fitting in to any success at all costs, but knowing who you are and what you are about and finding an environment which stimulates enriches their potential. What a life needs to thrive is not social comparison, but a mirror to reflect ourselves. that we enjoy ourselves, to make the positive changes necessary, and to be present within our own existence, with our own circumstances, working within its own sphere of influence.

Be the light and goodness in your own knowable and experiential world. Avoiding unnecessary information entering your mind that really serves no purpose but to inform you of things others are doing, or have, that is far beyond your sphere of influence, that wouldn't have entered your mind at all if you had not taken out your phone.

There is a real luxury: Living without concern for the conversation on social media and the news. Being present in your own existence. Not thinking about every corner of the globe, but what you can do where you are. Feeling your own life and being present within it, positively effecting things around and within your physical proximity.

🧘‍♀️🧘‍♂️🚶🏽‍♂️🚶‍♀️

[themicahjea]

My 2 0 1 9

I started my year as a freshman student in college, figuring things out and is really confused as to what i was doing and what direction am i heading. I wasn’t doing well in my studies since i had a “transfer shock” and literally only had 2 weeks of “summer break”. By the second semester, i was physically and mentally tired—this also means that my emotional status is not as strong as it was the previous years. The first day of the first month of year, i remember writing a note somewhere and wrote my feelings out. I was really sad. My mental health was affected by the things happening around me — obviously, i wasn’t doing well at the beginning of this year.

February came. I just had my midterms exam when my sister broke the news that my dog died. My sweetest little boy, Gift, just turned 1 and he died. I felt worse. I felt like i failed as a fur momma. I felt like i failed him. I cried so many nights, and it didn’t help that my roommates keep on reminding me about his death as if it was nothing to me. March. The last hurrah of the semester. My friends and I were planning about our Siquijor trip, took the finals — which i THOUGHT i did good. I finished my NSTP and said goodbye to my tut-tees. They are so precious, i could hug them — then went on to the trip. I went cliff jumping, lots of swimming, attended a sponge cola concert which surprised me because the lead vocalist of the band recognized me. That night, my friends went drinking. I drank a little but i poured more softdrinks than the actual gin. THAT was when my “friends” babbled and said “the gin doesn’t taste good anymore because we’re out of softdrinks”. It was a heckin small problem but they made it seem really big. — that’s when i knew that that “friendship” is not gonna last. I was right. I didn’t hang on to them anyways so it didn’t really hurt. Lol. April and May, it was summer break! Finally! I spent most of my time at home, soaking everything up before school starts again. Last April, i attended our church’s annual youth camp. It was a three-day-camp where you just learn about certain people in the Bible and their way of living and how God sustained them. It was also a team building camp and let me tell you, THIS CAMP HELPED ME. A LOT.  — aside from the camp, we went on different short trips, here and there. Also, the whole summer break was filled with me getting some rest and watching the whole Avengers movies, from ‘The First Avenger’ down to ‘Infinity War’. I basically became a fan. It was the 12th of May when my friend, Shayne asked me if i could watch Avengers Endgame with her since she wants to watch it again. I said yes. I knew how it would end since I’ve seen some scenes on twitter and my sister’s friend spoiled the heck out of me — BUT THAT DID NOT STOP ME FROM CRYING! It was so embarrassing to get out of the theater with VERY swollen eyes. It was probably the most heartbreaking film i watched this year.  June, school started, again. SOPHOMORE YEAAAAAR! I kinda know what my classmates are , where they’re from and what they’re attitudes are. I was MORE cautious this time. I only spend time with Ross, Angela and Charlene. In fact, i went to Bohol with Ross and Angela!  July. Right before my birthday, my family and churchmates went on a trip in Palawan. Enjoyed every bit of it. My birthday came and it was all fun, until it took a turn on the 17th. I got robbed. Lol, i knew that man was up to no good. My body told me that. My intuition told me not to trust him but oop, i dont know why i still gave him my money... idk. Two days later, i went to the police station to file a report and it turns out, there’s another man who’s looking for the SAME man. He was robbed by the same man as well. This was when i realized what God meant when He said that the love for money is not good and is a sin. I realized what a man can do to be able to get your money. August, i went to Bohol for a weekend! It was one of the most spontaneous trips I’ve ever taken. I went to Bohol to watch a movie. Yes. I went there to watch ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain’. I pranked a few of my close friends that i was pregnant which was surprisingly a success. They really thought i was. Lol. It was also “Hibalag”! Took the midterm exams and then celebrated the festival. All i did was stay in the booth for certain period of times. Bought some stickers. I went home for a little bit to meet the newest member of the fam, little Miss Potts. We bonded and watched a little bit of Avengers endgame. September went by so fast, i cant even remember what happened. Basically, i went back to Dumaguete. Then i received another news from my family that Miss Potts escaped the gate and is missing. I did my very best to look for her so does my family but nobody turned her in. I couldn’t  believe i lost 2 dogs this year and it’s heart breaking. — but right after Potts was gone, we have been blessed with another pup. My mom’s friend made us adopt him since she has tons of dogs already and she doesn’t have enough space. We, well i, was supposed to name him ‘Stark’ to keep the “one-syllable-name-for-the-pets” rule. But when i saw him, i knew Stark wasn’t his name. When my aunt called him ‘Happy’ since he made the whole house happy again, since Pott’s gone, it clicked. It wasn’t a one syllable name but Happy suits him. Happy’s also the name of Tony Stark’s head of security, anyways so...  Also, I guess i was so drowned with all the school works i had to do that time. I. Was. LOADED! I even attended a climate strike!. But thank you Lord, i was STILL able to nap in between lunch breaks and classes. My sister and my cousin also visited me in the campus and stayed for 3 days! We went on a lot of food trips, we can’t even take it anymore! October means semestral break— but there’s always rain before the rainbow comes, right? Thankfully for my minor subjects, all we had to do were requirements like making a video, recording songs as well as plays. I was the lucky one who was picked as the Basilio of the group. Being the Basilio means i have TONS OF LINES, but the Lord sustained me. I was able to master my lines and delivered them without any mistakes on stage.i also made new friends. Looools. After the finals, i went home to my family. I went home to a news which would be my fall for the next few months. I received a news that involves my parents. Im not gonna elaborate but because of these information, i had several mental breakdowns and at one point, the one thing i don’t want to happen, happened. I melted down in front of my sister. Personally, i don’t want her to see me cry. I don’t want her to see me at my weakest point. This month started t all. Started all my emotional breakdowns and my anxiety is back from its grave. I really thought I’d  already heal because i also went to my father’s home town to just have an emotional closure with the place. I visited some of the places i used to play in and visited my elementary school and the friends i used to play with. I really thought I’d be fine, but no. I was so so so stressed that the whole 2 weeks of my break, i was just lying down, wasn’t able to do a thing. I cant even eat. I got the flu. I was SO weak and couldn’t move. November. I went home for a little bit because of intramural break and went home again for The Jesus Reigns celebration because my sister performed on stage for the second year!!! Im so proud!  December. I was home early. I went home on the 13th so i could attend my sister’s birthday party. Outside the house, it’s full of fun. Went out a bunch of times with my churchmates, bonded with them, we attended our church’s annual thanksgiving which i enjoyed, my sister and i was able to hang out in achi joanne’s house a lot more late. I went swimming with my friends, everything is actually fine outside. But then when im inside the house, it feels like im suffocating. I cant move well. I cant feel well. I honestly dont know how and what to feel right now. On Christmas day, i ate processed/packed chocolate chip cookies for Noche Buena instead of tita mom’s lumpia and then i cried. I didn’t even get a family photo for this year’s holiday season. I really really dont know. I feel numb and unable. I long for the connection with God which i know i have to work on. I’m so down and depression is eating me ones more. Little by little. Right now, i feel like I’m  fat Thor Odinson. Depressed and feels like he failed with his mission in killing Thanos... I’m in a battle of my inner Thanos right now. I’m not losing but he isn’t either. But i know, I’m going to win this Battle because it is not I that’s handling it. It is God. I know He’s got my back and I’ll win because a child of Gos is NEVER a loser. I’m gonna win this fight, and just like what Cap said,  Whatever it takes. I’ll do whatever it takes to win this fight. To win this Battle. This situation that I’m in right now should not really affect me in any way because i know that God’s with me and He’s going to fight for me. My life is “Father-filtered” which means whatever I’m going through right now, God has allowed it to happen. WHY? Because He is preparing me for my future battles. He wants me to gain more strength to carry on.  I know that all these BREAKDOWNS of mine will become BREAKTHROUGHS. I know it and i believe in it. I trust in the Lord. 2020, Get ready for a stronger Micah. She’s not gonna give up on whatever you throw on her because her God is bigger than those problems. 

 Happy New Year Everyone!

God Bless You All! 

[give-me-a-thousandkisses]

Q: How are you today? A: Good … thank you !! Though THIS traffic …. #shame

Q: How many days till you are able to go home? A: Just a bit over a month … counting down the days !!! #summerfun

Q: #AskClaire are you watching anything good? Binge worthy?  A: Did someone say @SHO_TwinPeaks

Q: Where’s Eddie while you’re away? You must miss him!  A: I do miss HER … (i won’t let her know you made that mistake !!) She’s waiting in Scotland for some SA treats !!

Q: You gonna be long? #onbehalfofmycompadres  A: If I said another hour …. would you a) cry b) explode c) just go home ..????

Q: What do you consider to be your best scene from Season 3? A: 🌴…. that’s a clue !!!

Q: What book are you currently reading? #AskClaire #Outlander A: Mirror, Shoulder, Signal …or is it Mirror, Signal, Shoulder … anyway .. It’s GOOD.

Q: Will you get time off this summer before Season 4 filming begins? A: Well I’d better … I hear people might want us to promote it #AskClaire

Q: What’s been your favorite thing you’ve learned since coming to South Africa to film? #AskClaire #Outlander A: People’s incredible capacity to forgive and heal … and that it’s a process … LOVE SA ❤

Q: When will you come to France ? #AskClaire  A: Soon, I hope !!

Q: Favorite think about SA? Worst thing? A: Food and the distance from loved ones

Q: If you could hav dinner with one person, alive or deceased, who would you choose? A: Gore Vidal ….

Q: This season is taking a long time to be recorded, will we have a very accurate fidelity to the book? A: Its the same length as the others …. actually shorter than season 1 … and we do our best !

Q: Ok … so do you plan on taking ax long holiday or doing different work after Outlander S 3 filming ends? A: Both would be nice. We’ll see

Q: What’s your favourite book at the moment? any book recommendations?  A:Loving anything by Zadie Smith 

Q: Any museums in SA you would recommend? A: District 6 museum

Q: Will you consider the possibility of doing a musical ep just like they did on Once Upon a time? That would be amazing   A: NOBODY wants that. BELIEVE me !!!

Q: Is there alot of bloopers coming? A: US ??? Bloopers ???

Q: So if you are late you won’t be able to rib that other guy @SamHeughan who’s always/never late ?? A: For once he’s waiting on me !!

Q: Do you still play the accordion (sometimes)? A: No … :-((

Q: What’s your favorite place in Cape Town? A: Too many to choose. But Table Mountain, Cape Point …. the 🐧 Penguins!!  

Q: Describe Claire in 3 words?????  A: Smart, strong with a dash of stubborn #

Q: Any plans to visit Brazil? Lots of fans here! Beautiful places beaches and “caipirinha” is our best drink! A: I would love to !!!  

Q:How long is the traffic going to take omg A: I don’t know … just passed a bad accident ….😔   

Q: Costumes aren’t as glamorous and you’re probably wet  a lot… most challenging about shooting this part of S3? A: 🕷🐜🐍🐢🐐🐕🌰…. my new costars !!!

Q: what was the last picture you took on your phone? A: this …

Q: Could we get a behind the scenes selfie please?  A: Are we there yet???????????  

Q: Caittttt have you ever visited Greece? #AskClaire #ThankYouForBeingWhoYouAre A: Not yet but top of my list

Q: Do you share Claire’s decisions throughout the books or is there something you disapprove? A: I don’t always have to agree … but I do have to understand …

Q: Night shoot today? What’s your tip for surviving night shoots? #askClaire A: Coffee, silly chats and my kindle !!

Q: Why you use #askclaire instead of #askcaitriona? A: Cause I spend more time being Claire and I have an identity crisis …. good point #AskCaitrionaorClaireorwhoeveriam #AskClaire

Q: Are you headed to or from filming for the day? A: Going to work … NIGHT shoots 😓😓😓😓

Q: What did you have for breakfast?   A: Green juice, Avocado on toast and Coffee ! 

Q: When are you coming back to NYC? Love to see you here… maybe S3 premiere?? A: Mayyyyybe Mayyyybe #season3

Q: Haz visto muchos animales exoticos mientras esta en SA A: Baboons, penguins, zebra and @SamHeughan

Q: The Outlander fanbase is growing and growing, how do you feel about this? A: Waaahaaaahaaahaaa world domination is in our sights WaahaaahaAHAAAAAA

Q: Favorite character apart from claire??  A: This season …. ooh one young sailor and one batty priest !!!

Q: Do you have a phobia? A: Cockroaches !!!

Q: What is the weather outside? A: 🌞🌞🌞

Q: I just got to work, but you’re a great distraction! Love these q&a’s. #WhoNeedsToFocusAnyway A: Thats what I say …… #Oooops #Imeanialwaysfocus #Ahem #walkingawayquietly

Q: With the older characters the action will continue strong? A: Yes @SamHeughan and I will just beat each other up with our walking sticks

Q: If you could give one advice to your character, what would it be? A: Just once in a while #Sssshhhhhh

Q: Hello Queen . Can you send greetings to your Brazilians fans  and for my friend from @caitbalfebrazil We love u so much A: Bom Dia

Q: On a scale of 1 to 10 how much of a pirate do you feel like now that you’ve spent all this time on “old ships”? A: Arrrrrrrrrreight 

Q: Do you think sam uses photoshop for his pics? cuz that body cant be real A: Yes, every morning for an hour, six days a week @SamHeughan photoshops his body.

Q: The “.” right before someone’s twitter handle isn’t working anymore! You should consider doing quoted retweets  A: Really ..??? Since when ..?????

Q: If claire was at the women’s march, what do you think she would write in her sign? “A: Are we STILL protesting this shit ..???”

Q: what’s your secret to keep yourself positive when you need it?! A: “Write a gratitude list … 5-10 things you are grateful for … will help !! ”

Q: How would you define  season 3 in three words? A: “🗡, 📃, 🛌, ⛵" 

[tenpercentsugar]

1-100 gibby

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?uhhh yuh

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?uhhhh nah

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?mind reading easily i would love to know what everyone thinks but i’d only like to be able to read minds when i want to, not like constantly

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?nope bc i dont have a plan for that

5. Tell us some funny drunk story.one time me and dani left a get together in white pigeon early to get drunk very fast before they all came from the get together to the house and i got super wasted, wall twerked, then threw up and died as soon as everyone got there

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?if i had one i could give an answer

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? quickly, in my sleep, when i’m very old

8. What are your current goals?get a job in a mental health facility, fall in love w a dude w a good job, have a cute ass baby

9. Do you like someone?no i aint got tiiiiiiiime

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?next question!!

11. Do you like your body?no bitch fuck i look like

12. Can you keep a diet?i have never tried to have a healthy diet but if you mean can i keep a diet of tbell constantly then hell yeah

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?BE NICE!!!

14. Do you work?every weekday

15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?mac and cheese dude

16. Would you get a tattoo?i already have and i would totally get more

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?gas for my car cuz i loooove to drive

18. Can you drive?yeah!!

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?yesterday but it was family so 🙄

20. What was the last thing you cried for?i have no idea what even triggered it i just had a huuuuuge panic attack ive never felt so crazy

21. Do you keep a journal?no i wish :-(

22. Is life fun?it can be!! is really up to you

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?yeah sure but theres still some fucks out there who would keep in relevant. i might be one of those fucks lowkey

24. What’s your dream car?a nissan cuz i love how touchy their brakes are

25. Are grades in school important?yeah bro the system is fucked up and teaches you nothing but grades get you into college if thats your goal

26. Describe your crush.WHO

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?guardians of the galaxy vol. 2

28. What was your last lie?i cant tell ya!

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? i can’t remember at all bro i used to lie all the time so it could be a multitude of things

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?yes i hate doing it i prevent it as much as possible

31. Something you did and you are proud of?got clean

32. What’s your favourite cocktail?i have never drank a cocktail i just mostly drink beer hahaha

33. Something you are good at?editing papers hmu if you want me to proofread yo shit!

34. Do you like small kids?i work w them 5/7 days so i kinda have to but also yes

35. How are you feeling right now?nervous bc i need to use the bathroom but i don’t want jake hallman to see me look this crazy but he also could not even be here anymore and i just have no clue

36. What would you name your daughter/son?i have plenty of girl names in mind but boy names are super fuckin hard bc every boy name is a common boy name and the unique ones are too weird

37. What do you need to be happy?my mom and hella money

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?not right now, im not in the mood

39. What was the last gift you received?25 dollars cash for my bday

40. What was the last gift you gave?its been a while since i gave a gift

41. What was the last concert you went to?warped tour but today im going to a concert actually

42. Favourite place to shop at?i don’t even shop anymore but i guess for groceries, meijer. clothes, old navy.

43. Who inspires you?the gurls on my fb who lost hella weight after hs

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?16

45. How old were you when you first got high?17

46. How old were you when you first had sex?prolly around 30

47. When was your first kiss?never had one

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year?stay clean and thats really it

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?oh definitely pretty much all of 2016

50. Post a selfie.http://deathchamp.tumblr.com/tagged/me

51. Who are you most comfortable around?taylor and ash for sure. theyre my OGs, theyve seen me in the weirdest phases of my life, ive got nothing to lose now

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.dying too early, not living enough of a life

53. What kind of books do you read?true crime, jodi picoult, and some young adult when i wanna read something without thinking too hard

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?none of these people matter, their opinions don’t matter, get better friends, quit worrying about boys you don’t even want to date them!!

55. What is your favourite flower?hydrangea

56. Any bad habits you have?i smoke cigs still! cuz i’m really fuckin dumb!

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?i dont even know anymore!! i dont know my type!!

58. What was the last thing you cried for?okay since i already kinda answered this, another time i cried recently was when i watched hella adoption surprise videos

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?you mean…every food damn near?

60. Are you in love?not w anything right now

61. Something you find romantic?any kind of surprise honestly like flowers sent to your work without warning type shit. not from like anybody tho hahaha like it gotta be from your SO

62. How long was your longest relationship? when

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?i don’t really wanna make blanket statements so this gurl on twit’s been annoying me bc she’s judgmental, claims it is childish to handle beef in private, AND she’s preachy

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? again, no blanket statements bih but this other dude on twit who i have muted af irritates me bc he’s holier than thou and has all of life’s answers, has the worst kind of sarcasm where its like laced w bitterness all the time, and he types properly like…all the time which i think he does to assert his intelligence. annoying

65. What are you saving money for?uhhh rent hahaha

66. How would you describe your bad side?i dont really have a good side i just have a little clout

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?yeah like at my core i think i’m a good person but like literally everyone else i’m capable of mean shit

68. What are you living for?my mom and thas really about it

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?yeah like everyday but nothin on like a felony scale

70. Do you like your body?no tf

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?yeah but it was an argument in which they were also trying to make me feel bad

72. Ever sent nudes?hellll noooo

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?nah bro how would that even be possible

74. Favourite candy?take 5, all day everyday

75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!i don’t check blogs anymore

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?no i used to when i was a kid tho!

77. Favourite TV series?bob’s burgers, that 70s show, one tree hill, law and order: svu, grounded for life

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?i am not religious so i have no clue. hes never come to me

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?i can’t even remember. that annoys me so bad i wanna read again

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?i support it! i would be terrified to do it bc i am SUCH a picky eater i would have to eat like only potatoes to survive

81. How long have you been on Tumblr?five long years

82. Do you like Chineese food?i havent tried most of it but from what i have, no

83. McDonalds or Subway?subway i damn near never wanna go to mcdonalds ever again

84. Vodka or whiskey?neither just this question made me wanna throw up

85. Alcohol or drugs?drugs

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country?i’ve only ever been out of state but i’d love to go out of country

87. Meaning behind your blog name?i was listening to cherry bomb heavy and i loved deathcamp so i thought this was a cool play on words taha

88. What are you scared of?everything, next question

89. Last time you were insulted?can’t even remember. i told you i have a little clout

90. Most traumatic experience ?losing christian. fucked me up really bad

91. Perfect date idea?amusement park/water park. thats my ideal and i will not rest until it happens

92. Favourite app on your phone?twitter and finstagram all the time, tumblr and reddit when i’m high

93. What colour are the walls in your room?beige

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?i do! i love youtube! sarah baska and ashlynn tapp are who i look for when i get on

95. Share your favourite quote.keep calm and carry on, duh

96. What is the meaning of life?to improve. your life, the lives around you, your community, and especially the greater good of the world. basically if you’re not trying to grow you might as well be dead

97. Do you like horror movies?uhhhh no bye

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?all throughout my life. what happened was i bait the fuck out of her constantly

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way?no i have no reason to do that

100. Can you keep a secret?yeah i’m not a monster

[plainsimplevic]

Well - That’s One Way To Come Out At Work

That was surprising. At work, as I've been vehemently talking about on twitter, there's been a lot of homophobic slurs being thrown around. Just as importantly, it was communicated to me that I basically needed to step up or I'd be fired. That I was “making excuses” for not doubling my output and occasionally coming in later (sometimes too late) in the day.  This is when I've done nothing but excel at this job. In fact I've been given additional responsibility and praised by those who are hardest to please! I’ve pushed through illness after illness the past 6 months. Fought through infections so painful I could feel them through the haze caused by an entire bottle of whiskey. I’ve been here in the middle of the night vibrating because my cold is that bad. I’ve gotten SURGERY because I realized a condition was affecting my work - prioritizing that over other procedures I need done because I believe in fulfilling my commitments. Period. Whatever it takes. Be they professional, personal, or in support of my loved ones. And now my dedication, competency, and integrity are being questioned and I’m being threatened on top of all the bigotry? Those are NOT things you question about me. I’m not perfect and I fuck up but those base values are what makes me, me. Hell, my motto is Honour, Courage, Integrity!

It had gotten to the point that I've been very close to exploding, quitting, calling them the bigots they were, and storming out. I nearly did so this week after one boss was subtly (though I believe ignorantly) racist and the other was using gay slurs within half an hour.

After calming myself down, my plan was to consult with some friends this week, calm down further, get some sleep, and be professional. To put in my 2 weeks, tell them why, and use the last pitiful paycheck to put myself in a position to make money by other means.

Now, as I continued to calm down, I realized that immediately pulling the trigger on quitting was an immature way to handle the situation. As much as I wanted to, the enlightened thing to do would be to open a dialogue with my bosses and trying to resolve the situation rather than treat them as hostile. Despite the evidence, there may be more going on that I’m unaware of and they may be receptive to what I have to say. What can I say? I’m a Trekkie who grew up in the TNG era. Exhaust all opportunities for discussion before taking any action that could be taken as hostile. It may sound silly, but that show was very formative for me and the principles I learned from it have helped me well in life. #IAmStarfleet

But, after FINALLY getting some sleep last night and with one of the bosses gone on a business trip, something felt right about doing this today. I’d had some sleep so I knew my emotional control would be there and I wasn’t going to act unprofessionally. The boss had just come back from a “liquid lunch” so he was relaxed but not drunk. Having come out the day before to my straight-ally coworker had heartened me. And I was not so overloaded that I couldn’t take some time and write the 3-4 pages of talking points I needed to write before hand to keep me on track if I got flustered. So, I positioned myself so that my boss couldn’t avoid me (not that he was trying - just so he knew I needed to talk to him) and asked for a half hour one on one before he left. He agreed. It was no big issue.

Now, I’ve dealt with similar situations before. When I worked political campaigns, I was not only in a much more demanding and labor intensive positions (20+ hour days for months with no ability to take weekends off) but that boss was a total, self absorbed, jackass that continued tearing me down despite all I was doing. Nothing was good enough. So I called him and demanded a meeting. He asked when I could come in. I demanded he come to me (I was an hour and a half away). I sat him down and did then what I did today. I explained the situation and told him why there was an issue. At the next team meeting he promised to do better and afterwards gave me a big hug and thanked me. He didn’t change and was eventually replaced, but the point is that I knew that this is something I could do. But that doesn’t make it less scary. Especially since this involved something so personal that I’ve had so many issues dealing with over my life. Especially since I’ve only in the past few weeks felt comfortable enough with my sexuality to begin to talk about it with straights who are my long term friends. It surprised the heck out of me when I came out to my co-worker yesterday. #Scary.

I also had several people cautioning me not to do this. My mother was the most adamant. But also a friend who was concerned that this place was so hostile that I might just face further discrimination. For insight into my mindset, and really, just who I am, I want to quote an excerpt from my response to that.

“The bigotry, lack of respect, and lack of compensation is whats bugging me. If this convo fixes that...  Long hours I'm meh about and I enjoy the work. And that’s not judging others. That’s just who I am. I'm the guy who has the guts to face things head on. Stare the darkness in the face and dare it to extinguish my light. If I lose that, I lose everything. I cant have that with every other aspect of my life and not this now that I've accepted it.”

And for those who are going to criticize me and say that my lack of self acceptance of my sexual identity disproves that statement let me point a couple things out. 1) Bandwidth. Without going into too much detail, my life, especially the past 10 years, has been ROUGH. It’s hard to do things like process your sexuality issues when you’re doing things like working 16 hour days while a tooth rots in your head because you can’t afford to get the root canal you need because all you’re money’s going into making the choice between food and bills. Or when everyone around you, with the exception of your mother, does not seem to be, but is actually dying or abandoning you. 2) Lack of community. I’m just a man and I have my limits - sometimes I need help. By reaching out for that help, I’m proving my statements about myself true. I haven’t had anyone I could turn to and ask, “what was it like for you?”. No-one to relate to. No-one to tell me that there’s nothing wrong with me. I didn’t even have support outside the queer community dealing with every other aspect life - much less in it to deal with this. Every time I reached out the past 5 or 6 years to try to get that support, I was shut down in some way. I’ve had community members shrug and be dismissive, not understanding the traumas involved with growing up Catholic and in a homophobic setting. I’ve had people point to some reading material, pat me on the head, and send me on my merry - not truly understanding the damage 25+ years of internalized homophobia can cause. I’ve had one gal talk about bi-erasure in one breath, insist I’m straight in the other, declare how lesbians are superior to all others, and then try to get me to apologize for being a cishet man. Which, growing up primarily raised by women, having strong memories of sitting around the table as they talk about how horrible men are, being told “but you’re different” and “one of the good ones” and left feeling othered and wondering how much I should hate myself for my gender did NOT go over well. But that’s an entire blog post in it of itself and I digress.

So the time for the meeting came and I told my boss everything. I told him that he needed to quit the gay slurs. That I was bi. That I had met and was falling for the most amazing guy which had inspired me to make another attempt at confronting these issues. That the past couple months have been awesome and positive but extremely intense. That there’s been many times where I’ve held it together during the day and then just stared into my monitor for hours unable to do anything but have tears in my eyes once everyone left. That I’ve been on my laptop so much because I’m getting (and giving) support. That I’m afraid that some of my friends may end themselves and not be there tomorrow. Of all the illness I’ve been pushing through. And how, through it all, I still got the job DONE.

And the response was shocking. He was completely taken aback. He asked, “what slurs?” I gave him an example and, being total white straight male, he hadn’t even realized what he was doing. He asked if I was gay. I told him bi and he laughed and exclaimed how insensitive he’s been and immediately apologized. He lit up and exclaimed how awesome it was when I said I was falling for (again) the most amazing man (hard). He said how he has no issues with queer folk and told me of his gay friend with a similar background to me. He told me how, when he grew up, they used those terms all the time to effectively mean asshole but had no clue what they meant and that they had just become reflex - but that that was no excuse. That he had no problem not outing me to anyone else, though I’m close to being completely out. I was valued and appreciated.

And then, no joke, he asked me what I needed on my projects and the entire thing became, among other things, a pitch session and him putting many of his resources at my disposal.

Also, it turns out that the “firing” thing was because the other boss was freaking out about how a couple of business partners who were funding my salary simply didn’t like having to pay me and, for that reason alone which nothing to do with me, were looking for any excuse to “cut costs.” From my own deductions, I now realize that it’s mostly that I haven’t been putting up enough of a “show” of working on the rare occasion they’ve been around which is probably making it harder for that boss to defend me. Also, I’m 90% sure this is that guy’s first time managing someone and I know for a fact that this is his first time working in this industry and dealing with certain types of personalities - like said business partners. These are things that I have decades of experience with in one form or another so, now that I know that I know what his issues largely are, I plan on having a similar talk with him and offering my advice and support. I’ve been in that position before and watched it blow up in my face. Honestly, he’s fucking lucky it’s me and not someone else - they would have stormed out. I know. I’ve been the one stormed out on.

His main fault was not properly communicating to me how much of an issue these asshole business partners have been. I’ve been in his position many a time and now exactly how to compensate for that kind of bullshit. And because of his lack of communication, I haven’t been able to make his job easier by doing so.

I think there might be a couple of translation-to-this-industry issues as well so I’ll talk to him about that too. And, apparently, the boss I talked to has had to pull that boss aside a few times recently. Somethings going on with his personal life I feel.

So, yeah. That was probably the best coming-out-at-work experience I could have had. We’ll see if the boss I spoke to lives up to his promises but, as of now, things are looking up. I’m so glad that I haven’t been too traumatized in life that I can still hope. Maybe I’m just too stubborn an asshole to let it go. But it’s that hope that led me to try the diplomatic path. That allowed me to adhere to my values and belief that dialogue and understanding can solve nearly all situations so long as both sides listen.

And yes, those are Starfleet values. And if that’s too corny for you I have 2 things to say. 1) Read the above book-of-a-blog again and tell me how I’m wrong when EVERYONE else (except Mom) was telling me that the only solution was to quit in a righteous rage. 2) Fuck off you ignorant, pessimistic, little shit. #IAmStarfleet #FirstDutyToTheTruth #TrekTillIDie

I may still leave here soon for various other reasons, but now, rather than making enemies here I’ll leave with (assuming words meet deeds - which evidence so far here as indicated these are the kind of people where that’ll be the case) A) the use of these facilities for my own projects, B) plenty of time to prepare, and C) a financial cushion to aid in the transition.

Thanks to Danni, Alex, and Kaeden who’s support and affections have been crucial in helping me get to the point where I’m secure enough in my identity that I can tackle issues like this. Thank you for being my community.

[hobieheaven]

MY SECRET ILLNESS + APOLOGY 🚑

The first time it happened I felt like I was going to die, like all the strength had drained from my body. Like I had walked into a wall of bricks I couldn’t push through. I prided myself on handling everything, no matter how hellish, no matter how I suffered, no illness I couldn’t come back from, no emotional destruction I couldn’t rebuild. Coming from an emotionally abusive family my survival has always been my highest priority, I always thought of myself as a one woman army. For the first time I’d ever experienced I had nothing left to give, nothing left in my body or spirit, my limbs which were strong just a day before, numb, tingling, aching, almost lifeless. I couldn’t get up, couldn’t walk, couldn’t make my own food, the personal freedoms which I’d held so dear were taken away overnight, I couldn’t go out, couldn’t see my friends. I had never felt young, yet I now knew what it was to feel hundreds of years old, to feel every suffering you’ve ever endured fall down on top of you until it caves in the protective dome you’ve built over your head. My brain was lost in a dark fog searching for answers, was it cancer? Deficiency? Flu? How could a healthy young person become life an ailing grandparent that fast?

After working for three years on a First Class Honours degree in Creative Writing I crashed and stayed down for three months, the remainder of summer spent with my time divided between the sofa and my bed, unable to get around, still unsure of my condition. Its difficult to express the sincere opinion that, umm, excuse me, I feel like I might die and my life is ruined, I’m an unemployed 22 year old women who is highly qualified with a good body and my looks intact who cant even get up and walk around.

Before I knew it the deadline for the Masters degree course I so wanted had passed twice over, my ability to work on resumes or even go out to deliver them had also gone to shit, each time I began to feel stronger and improve slightly with healthy foods and supplements to combat fatigue once again my toxic family would appear and destroy my progress until I felt ill once again.

In my darkest moments thoughts edged my periphery whispering that nothing would ever get better, this was life now. No hope. No way to fight. I had no more tolerance for my relatives poisonous ways, I knew why people ran away and lived on the streets. Because it was better than what I had dealt with my whole life, it was better than looking cruelty in the face and pretending to smile. After spending 22 years fighting demons I had finally encountered one which could not be taken by force. My illness.

With each relapse back into severe and debilitating exhaustion my recovery time was noticeably decreasing, I could go from feeling like I was running at 5% energy to 50% (which was as good as it got), and although my latest episode caused me to miss my own graduation ceremony and remain bed ridden, I finally went in search of answers.

I had all the signs and symptoms of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, finally it had a name, this rock tied to my leg, weighing me down as I paddled for my life every day, just to keep from going under. Finally there were books, therapy options, nutrition, correct supplements, finally a label I could give to my doctor in the hope of treatment.

The moment my doctor diagnosed me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (also known as M.E or Myalgic encephalomyelitis) I held back my tears. Just to feel less alone, less muffled in deep black night, I wanted to spill every ounce of truth, that I survived Narcissistic emotional abuse, that I wanted rehab, that I needed a reason to hope.

Since then I have been looking after myself and taking daily walks as advised medically, I promised to myself that I would get the help I need and begin volunteering until I can finally apply for the publishing jobs I am qualified for.

Today was the day that I finally became quietly determined, to do what’s best for me, to live healthier and live BIG in spite of my illness, I can no longer sit here and watch the world go by in a flash, after all, I could be sick for many years, but why should that stop me dressing like the diva I always was? Why should it stop me having fun, going to eat with friends? Travelling to the places I’ve always dreamed of. Even if I have to be wheeled through Hongdae in a chair I won’t stop living, won’t let this defeat me. My dreams haven’t changed, it is simply that the way to them has changed direction, and so must I.

APOLOGY

For so long I have felt guilty, like I betrayed you, I created this blog with professional intention, to bring you beautiful well told stories that you might snuggle up in bed at night reading, to explore fantasies and romance. I couldn’t work on all the ideas I had, Hobie Heaven, my personal twitter and my news blog went to waste and I let a lot of people down, alot of people who actually ask me where I am when I disappear. I never found an effective way to explain to you, I am sorry for my absence and I ask once again for your trust in me, to wait and see the projects I have in store. No more will I let my aims go to waste.

For all my supporters, thank you, if it wasn’t for you, I would have fallen completely into darkness.

You keep me strong. You’re more than fellow fangirls, you’re fam. 💖💖💖🎀

[fanofbabyprincess]

Check the thread for the link of the new webdrama (I HAVE A SECRET) MET YOU AGAIN.

Victon’s maknae, Jung Subin has effectively transformed to his role Jo Ahsung, the loyal, kind hearted and fun loving high schooler. He is the first Love of the narrator, Jisoo, who is the bestfriend of his girlfriend, Dasom.

I am really proud of Subin and in my unbiased opinion, he is really good in acting too aside from singing rapping and dancing! He make use of his eyes and his voice, and he got natural gestures that is not exaggerated in acting. I really Love the feel he adds to the webdrama. It makes me excited and build theories too. His character is the core of the story being likened by best friends. I am curious on Ahsung’s secret, and I also would like to give a standing ovation for him being a really kind boyfriend who always want to make his girlfriend happy no matter How annoying she is.

Honestly, i never expected that this teen drama can attract me to their story. Its very realistic, relatable and yes, with a bundle of fiction but very relatable. In one area, I somehow became episode 3 Dasom, who will just ask “do you have something to tell me (or confess)”. And yes, Ahsung is like all men who will never understand a girl or his understanding of a girl is limited to certain level of his knowledge. Tho i like Ahsung’s reaction (kudos to Subin best boyfriend ever), his facial reaction tho theyre having an argument and saying that if she is mad she can tell him anything and that when Jisoo asked what happened he sighed and said that he really want to know whats happening or why is she mad again. Imean, Ahsung is really sincere but you can sense he doesnt know How to handle her when she is mad, maybe because Dasom goes extreme and theyre in a relationship in their first year in highschool so we cnat expect them to know what theyre doing. Also, Ahsung is very friendly too thats why in episode 1 theyre already fighting. He doesnt know what he did wrong but Dasom expected him to just say sorry. I wonder if Ahsung’s secret is about family because he doesnt seem to have a secret around the School or classmates. Maybe thats why he treasures friends, makes time with friends, have fun and laugh with them, and most of all is doing his best to make his girlfriend happy. Ahsung is really that Guy any parent would Love to have as a son in law... i just hope Dasom will be a little bit more reasonable to him. Oh! And BTW, Jisoo in ep1 noted that she first liked Ahsung so I wonder How Ahsung and Dasom ended IP together.

In episode 1, the narrator Jisoo is shown to be sharing her secret to another girl. She likes a Guy but this Guy is the boyfriend of her bestfriend. She is telling this to someone outside School. In School, Jisoo stops the Love quarrel of Dasom and Ahsung. Dasom sort of attacked Ahsung. In the teokbokki place, Dasom noted that Jisoo always side on Ahsung but Dasom got distracted by the food an D they moved on. Ahsung called Jisoo and they talked about How he will be forgiven. He tried but Dasom is not having it that day with pass the paper sorry thing and Jisoo got scolded in Class for it too. Later, Jisoo was in the bus and Ahsung rode the same. Apparently they live in the same neighborhood. Ahsung sat beside Jisoo and they talked about Dasom. I really like How Subin Channelled his Ahsung character with his voice telling us he cant understand her but he wants to do everything for her. Then he got sleep and his head rested on Jisoo’s shoulder. The next day Dasom and Ahsung went to School together and been acting cute together because they reconciled already. The surprise is at this point... Pls watch it. And the after credits too, when Ahsung rested his head was shown at the very last part...

Ep2 is the secret? Or thing that always Go between best friends. Pls check the twitter thread to check the link for the episode it has English subtitle. In this episode, the friends hang out and Jisoo was kind of awkward those times. Dasom expressed that she somehow felt jealous because Jisoo and Ahsung lives in the same neighborhood so they can ride the bus together unlike her. Dasom then develops a friendship with the girl who lives in her same neighborhood. Towards the end, the Dasom and Ahsung couple (DaSung?) were on a hearted argument in the hallway when Jisoo arrived. The people aRound them noted that their quarrel this time seems serious and they might actually break up (looks like schoolmates are used to them fighting all the time). Its the time when Dasom asked Ahsung if he has something to tell her, and Ahsung said he has none and if she is upset she should just tell him. Then Jisoo cut them off asking why/what, then Ahsung said he actually wants to know/understand. Dasom looked at Jisoo with like a knife eyes (which every jealous GF is) and stormed off the hallway. Jisoo followed her at the gym and talked to her. Dasom then asked her, the biggest question...

There is no English subtitle for Ep3 yet but you can watch the raw video in youtube. I can sense a big dispatch-like (paparazzi/secret spiller) person aRound their School and Jisoo will be the biggest victim...

My Reaction: I LOVE IT. Its really realistic. It happens in real life and for a person who experienced this like a Dasom or a Jisoo and also wanting to have Ahsung, this webdrama is really intelligently made. I already made tbeories since episode one Nd the little actions and interactions and even lines of all characters —big or small riles in your eyes, are important. Its like the mystery files but with Young Love and virtues. Its like who is Seoyeon High school’s dispatch or gossip girl or that B*tch in pretty little liar or the one spelling Teas to disrupt the status quo?! Its like Chuck and Blair, Rosie and Alex, Hermione and Ron, Veronica and Archie, Betty and Jughead of Riverdale, or even Usagi and Mamoru (Sailormoon) and many more comparison but not the same nor even the slightest similarity. My Heart is so happy watching the Show progress because its different, its like falling in Love again and drinking the fountain of Youth every episode. And most of all, it makes you think and not just expect and digest what is given. There is an ample of weight that makes us think and notice certain things that might probably come up on later episodes. ITS TRULY HONESTLY EXCITING. IF I WERE IN HIGHSCCHOOL AHSUNG IS LIKE SOMEONE I WOULD WANT TO ARGUE WITH OR PLAY WITH ... he is the imperfectly perfect highschool boyfriend anyone could ask for and would never imagine. You have someone to argue who loves you entirely but also he never poses his voice in the relationship and who he is. A loyal and lovibg Young man. I hope every Guy can be like him. Thank you playlist! Lets hit this webdrama!

[booksbroadwaybbc]

Coming clean via /r/selfimprovement

Coming clean

I'm a dysfunctional hypocritical weak man. Let's break this down in terms of cause and effect: My friends: They're 17/18 They desire high functioning lifestyles. They spend every day centered around their relationships which facilitate mutual shared interests including study at university. They have sex lives, they're well off They post photos and posts on social media showing their relationships, lifestyle and the interests which they feel compelled to share with everyone.

Me: I'm 18 I'm low functioning. I find it hard to get up early in the morning, wash myself fully, keep good hygiene, Forget about interests. i have no money to fuel my interests and no friends to share them with including study. I only use LinkedIn I failed my high school exams pretty much so will be retaking this year Even with a footnote from my gp on my current challenging family situation and manic/very depressed moods which inhibit functioning, Oxford law is out of the question so is lse/ucl I'll get french/econ at Warwick because it's easy to get into . I would project confidence on girls who wanted an honest relationship with me I bullied everyone in my sixth form from twitter I fueded with peers in maths I forgot about university . Those girls are at/going to Oxford/royal college of music I deactivated Twitter/I just use LinkedIn my lifestyle is too low functioning to share on Instagram I destroyed my academic potential; maths/law Oxbridge; will get french/econ at Warwick bc it's a slack course I was on the high academic achievement path but I gave up on myself just when I was meeting people like me . I would treat the above people badly I'd demonise them I couldn't handle the prospect of being successful , having a sex life, being well liked, being a winner So I just destroyed those chances. . I have crazy nutjob beliefs These include Being an alpha male Limiting communication on social media means life is more efficient I'm above the law. . I believe theres A negative effect against me, a conspiracy I can't use Instagram like my friends, share my talents, be a high acheiver, be high functioning the cause of which is I'm objectively right and I'm being maltreated Because people who don't respect me do the above obviously its bad So I don't partake When in fact that's an excuse I make with myself to compensate for the reality that im an irrelevant loser with benevolent successful friends . Right now There is nothing stopping me - retaking my exams - getting a*aa - having sex and being protected - practicing the piano and partaking in musical activities - having real friends - being in love - having hope in my future - doing my degree - living my best life

Girls I could be dating I'm obviously not an option because I don't market myself . All of the above is possible but i make up these irritational excuses I'm objectively better I will be bullied Who am I to attain my potential I'm irrelevant Living my best life, what a sick joke If anyone cared for me they'd tell me, I wouldn't have to reach out . To confound I'm satirical, I lightly troll people to amuse myself in a good humoured way Why are we all so awful and retarded like come on also ik Warwick is a slackers way in so the whole a2 failure episode is me edging? i love the thrill of being on the edge of fucking up my life im an out of control edgy boi . If I can't treat relationships seriously i will do cbt . hey ho it doesn't help that your eccentric parents literally never supported you except with food and a bed then act like that's all that's needed nah love, maybe rewarding good behaviour, mentoring? Loads of lessons for my kids No animosity My dad is a beast and my mother is beautiful but they cant function in their role as parents

I'm 18 fml uni at 19 Probably working at Fortum and Masons whilst revising in the local library

I like proving obscure points I'm edgy Could have just fun sexy times and dating and gonewild posts and uni but no i have to fail and retake i have to be an ironic low functioning person i have to do uni a year late at best i have to 3rd rule sarc react to everyone in my life I have to have these pretty intelligent good hearted amazing girls think im a fool

Devil's advocate There is no rational cause to the above effect it's giving myself a reason to be a victim but tbf im low on money and logistical requirements and neither of the girls im into or me could go to each others cribs bc of our parents

i even make myself perceived as 1/20000 Blackstone applicant econ top of my class french russian concert pianist funny etc

yet i still find a way to fuck up it's like i don't want girls to buy into my life my identity

if I'm perceived as the above then on paper I'm the guy your man should worry about but yet im losing

hey trump doesn't fucking help disrupting the usa cant tell if it's amazing or really bad

and comparing myself to Michael Bloomberg doesn't help

what about believing my haters opinions of me above my own empathy huh

or having the mentality of a 12 year old partly because kanye said it's cool

or being mercilessly bullied for most of school with elapses of being a popular legend including by a supposed good friend of mine who i knew was dumber then me but hey I'm a satirical meme

or reasoning better then the staff of your school because you subordinate them after a twitter rant which was the direct narrative continuation of your prepubescent starry eyed love for this really fit chinese girl who i sometimes see from time to time with low self esteem who you meme because life is a wierd and wonderful timeline

just some shit to get off my chest much love x

oh yeah also i only communicate or move between rooms in my environment if certain criteria are fulfilled as they relate to my academics anyone else is listening material also

my self concept and sense of control over my own destiny is so outlandish it can't be believed it's twilight zone/the onion/seth mcfarlane

which obviously is annoying

I live for my beliefs law of attraction

introducing myself to someone new nah introduce yourself to me

i feel insecure in terms of grades its fucked it became a negative self fulfilling prophecy but I'm loved I'm well respected my potential and thought leadership is admired . signing orf night x

Submitted September 23, 2018 at 02:29AM by dopamineway via reddit https://ift.tt/2zoHbzD

[jumpsitehq]

300+ Funny Status for Whatsapp and Facebook in English

There are millions of people who can use WhatsApp Messenger and they also change status day by day so that why I am Publishing a Best Funniest Status in our sites. You can check the collection of Funny Whatsapp Status below. I hope you will like the funny statuses for WhatsApp. Earlier you have seen some of the Best and Latest Whatsapp Status, Love Whatsapp Status, Sad and Cool Whatsapp Status but This time we come up with All-time Favorite FUNNY WHATSAPP STATUS.

Funny Status for Whatsapp and Facebook

“Hey there WhatsApp is using me.” “I am not lazy, but I am on my energy saving mode.” “I can’t read lips unless they’re touching mine.” “80% of boys have girlfriends. Rest 20% are having a brain.” “Last seen 1985!” “When you are on a 1% battery anyone who sends a message Or calling, Becomes the enemy Automatically.” “I love my job only when I’m on vacation.” “Life is too short smile while you still have teeth……” “God is really creative, I mean.. just look at me every time.”

Best Funny Status

“Common sense is not so common.” “Never laugh at your wife’s choices… LOL..you’re one of them…” “All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.” “Never Steal because of Government HATE COMPETITION.” ” I pretend to work and They pretend to pay me.” “If you can’t convince them then Confuse them.” “I always learn from the mistakes of others who take my advice. That’s called EVIL MIND.” “I Am Gonna Make my Status High, better you to Focus on your Status only.” “I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.”

Funny Status Quotes

“AwesoME ends with ME and UGLY Start with YOU.” “People say everything happens for a reason. So when I Beat your ASS, remember I have a reason.” “People said to follow your dreams so I went back to bed.” “When Phone on silent mode – 10 Missed calls…When Turns volume to loud- Nobody calls all day.” “Busy at this moment…free forever.” “The only time success comes before work is in dictionary.” “If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.” “DOESN’T EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED MAKE THE UNEXPECTED EXPECTED ?” “Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.” “Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish.”

Best Funny Quotes

“You have the perfect face to become Radio Jockey.” “Totally available!!!! Please disturb me!!!!” “Hi there! I am using my brain.” “One day your princess will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.” “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.” “Looks like I over-estimated the number of your brain cells.” “Lie is just a great story ruined by truth.” “If Monday had a face, I would punch it.” “My style is unique don’t even think to copy it!” “Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.” “I always dream of being a millionaire like my friend!… He’s dreaming too.” “My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.” “Don’t Hit Kids, They Become Smart Nowadays they Carry GUNS.” “A man is as young as the woman he feels.”

Top Fun Status

“I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.” “When I actually die some people are going to get really haunted after me.” “The winner of the rat race is still a rat.” “If money grew on trees, then girls would be dating monkeys….” “Please don’t interrupt me while I’m ignoring you.” “At least Some Mosquito’s are attracted to me.” “I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.” “I WANT TO KILL THE HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE… BUT SUICIDE IS A BIG CRIME!” “I had to take sick day.I’m sick of those peoples.” “Today’s Relationships is like You can touch each other but not each other’s phones.”

Best Funny Status for Facebook

“DO YOU EVER JUST LIE ON KNEES AND THANK GOD THAT YOU KNOW ME AND MY INTELLIGENCE…??” “TRUTH: Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up…” “It’s not that I hate anyone; it’s just that I do not like people.” “Life is Short so Chat Fast..” “My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. What a TRAGEDY.” “Save Paper, Don’t do Homework.” “A black cat passing by the crossroad can stop hundreds of people what a RED LIGHT on traffic signal has failed to do for a long time.” “I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I am blaming you.” “Your status won’t ever match my status neither in WhatsApp nor in reality.” “My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.” “Save Water, Drink Whisky.”

Funniest Whatsapp Status

“Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need money.” “WARNING!! I know karate…..and some other words too.!” “Honest people can be put into two categories….little kids and drunk persons.” “Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.” “When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you ?” “I just need a good Wifi & Wife.” “I only need three things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep.” “There’s only one problem with your face, I can see it.” “I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.” “AFTER GETTING DRUNK, BACHELOR OF TECHNOLOGY TURNS INTO MASTER OF PHILOSOPHY.” “Can’t talk, telepathy only!” “Read books instead of reading my status!” “People that Change Love status after 30 Sec… GF is the Reason…” “I am Cool but Summer Days make me hot.” “I AM NOT A VEGETARIAN BECAUSE I LOVE ANIMALS; I AM A VEGETARIAN BECAUSE I HATE PLANTS.”

Laughing Status

“GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.” “I love you, and it’s killing me.” “A fine is a tax for doing wrong & A tax is a fine for doing well.” “I’m not sarcastic, I am just intelligent beyond your understanding.” “In bed, it’s 7AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 8:00. At school it’s 12:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 12:32.” “Some people are beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.” “Whatsapp users never die, they just go offline.” “The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight.” “High Power Come ,with High voltage Current!” “Hello madam, do you want new Credit Card ? Girl: No thanks, I have a Boyfriend.” “I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.” “Wife means Worries in life Forever.” “Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them is wearing pants ???” “A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” “People say they can’t live without Love. I think oxygen is more important.” “I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight.” “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” “Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.” “Yes, I agree. Moms can find everything. Except for the ringing phone in their bags.” “Love marriage is like dancing in front of snake and asking him to bite.” “‘m Jealous Of My Parents… I’ll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!” “Mah Attitude……Mah ishtyle…” “People say nothing’s impossible, but I do nothing every day.” “Women should not have children after 30. Really … 30 children are enough.”

Hilarious Status

“Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.” “If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.” “Don’t steal because it’s the government’s job.” “Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.” “I am currently experiencing life at the rate of 20 WTF’s every hour.” “Who care’s ?????………..I’m awesome. Fuck the Rest.” “Laugh at your problems, everybody else does the same.” “I’m not failed, But my success just lost.!” “This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….I’m just fat.” “I hate men but I’m not lesbians”

Hilarious Whatsapp Status

“Best Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbor’s wife, And beer as COLD as your own.” “When it’s you against me, you either win or you die.” “My heart is stolen..can I check your bra.” “Marriage is the cause of divorce.” “I DID NOT ATTEND HIS FUNERAL, BUT I SENT A NICE LETTER SAYING I APPROVED OF IT.” “SI unit of ignorance = “seen”…” “I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.” “You say I dream too big I say you think too small.” “Running away does not help you with your problems unless you are fat.” “Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.” “ALARM CLOCK: Because mornings must start with a heart attack.” “Mosquitoes are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.” “3 Mistake done by everyone ..Whatsapp, Facebook & GF.”

OMG Funny Status

“Etc Meaning – End of Thinking Capacity.” “We are WTF generation……. WhatsApp, Twitter, and Facebook.” “Never make eye contact while eating a banana.” “Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^).” “Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity.” Do share it with your Fiends and Spread Happiness and Laugh a Lot because LIFE IS SHORT.

[roughentumble]

a freaky and disorienting thing is that ive realized that, as i accept more and more that i am a trans guy and thats ok, the more i sympathize w/ male characters that are just........ objectively The Worst. like i suffered through the ENTIRETY of Just Friends(2005) for Ryan Reynolds, and-- actually, hold on a sec, before i get back to the point i gotta take a quick sidebar to explain the pain, the TORTURE that is Just Friends, the 2005 film starring Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart, and written by Adam 'Tex' Davis. 

i had to watch it muted for like 90% of the film. the intensity of the “cringe” aspect of this film that bills itself as a “cringe “”””comedy””””” was so off-the-charts that i physically could not stop myself from vocalizing my discomfort through groans and screeches. i would mute the film, turn the screen away, play on my phone for a minute because i literally could not handle seeing the rest of the scene, only to turn my computer back around and find it STILL ON THE EXACT SAME SCENE. i skipped entire swathes of the film. it literally got to the point that i could not handle what was happening and i just--

i gave up! i gave up and i just skipped forward until i found scenes i thought i could handle, or that featured two people Talking instead of some Event Happening, and i’d watch that, and then the scene would change and i’d be in Suffer Town again, population 1: me. Me is the only inhabitant of Suffer Town. so much of the movie hinges so thoroughly on like-- like. A Person Failing At A Thing They’re Good At. and it made me want to die. i think this movie gave me depression, on top of my preexisting depression. it squared my depression. 

OKAY, back to my original point. or like, a mixture of explaining The Film, and explaining why my own reaction to it startled me so much. anyway.

so, ignoring the intense amount of Suffering you’ll have to live through if you’re bound and determined to watch ryan reynold’s entire filmography and you get to this monstrosity, the gist of the plot is thus: ryan reynolds plays a man who was a Stock Dweeb Character in high school. overweight, very low self-esteem, “uncool” hobbies, a very uncomfortable fixation on the one pretty girl who is nice to him and hangs out with him(who herself is dating a Stock Jerk Jock Football Player, who we’ll call SJJ, because I can’t remember his name and he doesn’t matter). on their graduation night they throw a party, he signs her yearbook with a Love Confession, and intends to give it to her.

something something The Yearbooks Accidentally Get Swapped, something something She Reads The Wrong Note And Goes “Um. Wtf My Dude????”. cue him going “NOO I DIDNT WRITE THAT WHAT? WHAT? WAIT OH NOOOO!!!”. cue him running downstairs and seeing SJJ reading his confession aloud to a chorus of twittering classmates.

so yeah, he’s embarrassed, the whole school’s laughing at him because of Course. he runs from the party yelling that he’s going to “be somebody” and also something about how the rest of them will never be anybody. ya’know. that usual thing you see Generic Stock Nerds saying when their feelings are real hurt in movies. 

cut to the future. he looks like ryan reynolds in 2005, so, you know. Really Fucking Good. like, Only Reason To Watch This Garbage Film levels of good. like, They Should Have Given Him Shirtless Scenes As Payment For Me Sitting Through The Rest Of It kinda’ fine. anyway. he’s hot and beautiful and is a talent manager for celebrities. he’s all rich and attractive, and he’s a complete sack of garbage to women. 

he’s actively horrified of the “friendzone”(im cringing right now just writing the word. its so awful) and he’s really not interested in women above a surface level. we see a woman at a bar who’s clearly his date telling him that he’s the Worst and that he needs to see women as people. as she talks he is disinterested at best. she walks away and another lady, who’s overheard the conversation, looks him up and down and decides she doesn’t really care what he’s like because he’s pretty, they flirt, and suddenly he’s been broken up with and acquired a NEW date in the span of about a minute of screentime.

he gets women basically wherever he goes, because he’s only really interested in a specific type of person and(i promise this is the last time i say it) because he looks like 2005 ryan reynolds. 

so because of some Plot Devices, he ends up back in his hometown and unable to get a plane out. he sees SJJ who is now a washed-up drunkard who wears his old varsity jacket around because Of Course. ryan finds him offputting, as do i, and it’s one of the few nearly funny scenes in the film, just because i enjoy juxtaposition and so(despite it being the most boilerplate, run-of-the-mill, dull point to make in a film) it actually was something i didn’t hate to see. 

he also sees Pretty Girl From High School. they semi-hit it off. she’s shocked that he looks Like That(i know i promised not to mention it again but it’s a legit plot point this time leave me alone), he’s shocked she still looks Like That. they agree to get food the next day. 

ryan acts like a bit of a dick, name-dropping celebs he works with left and right, and getting really aggressive when a waitress drops off a plate of his old usual(a really fattening pancake... thing. it looked gross tbqh.) and like, ok, so, i just, here’s where i--

okay. okay. okay. okay. in Ye Olde Days, i wouldve written him off as a douche, and hated him, and, i. i

i couldnt help but, feel, SO bad for him???? like. okay. he just. he had NO self-esteem as a teen. he felt extremely bad about himself, for a TON of reasons, so he literally ran away and reinvented himself entirely and, found a marginal amount of enjoyment from his life???? like, was he happy? no. but he was... he hated himself a little less maybe? he worked really hard to feel good about his body, he worked really hard to get a job he felt any semblance of pride in, he worked REALLY hard to eventually get to a place where he could feel... literally anything positive at any point. he genuinely truly put in real effort to become healthy and have a good career.

and then he, he gets stuck back at his old house, and people are trying to force him to eat food that makes him feel awful and then mocking him when he gets defensive about it, he gets injured and needs to go back to wearing his retainer again, he openly fails at a BUNCH of stuff that he’s specifically been working REALLY FUCKIN HARD AT, for YEARS, because he was insecure about being bad at it in high school(like ice skating, he’s really good at it now because he sucked in high school and he wanted to overcome that), and then also receives more mocking for failing at it, and. you just.

you’re watching someone who was at the bottom of a pit of despair, who clawed tooth and nail at the clay walls of their misery-prison in order to haul themselves all the way up to the lofty height of “misery pit again, but different this time”, as they get caught in a downpour that completely erases all their progress and they slide right back to where they started. you see him completely regress and it K I L L E D me. he gets stuck back in a place where every single flaw he tried to overcome is just! shoved! back! on him! all over!

and, yeah, he’s. not great to women. he’s not beating them or anything, i don’t think he treats them SUPER badly, or actively thinking of them as lesser. but it doesn’t change the fact that he is BAD to them, and he thinks of all interactions with attractive women as transactional. and thats TERRIBLE. but i just!!! i cant help myself man i cant stop i just i look at him and all i feel is like!!!!!!! 

leave him alone!!!!!!!!!!! get the boy therapy or something!!! dont tear him down like this!!!!!!! we cant just tear someone down every time they make a semblance of an attempt at being Not Miserable!!!!!!!! just!!!!! he doesnt need this, man!!!!! hes literally just The Saddest Person with The Lowest Self Esteem Of All Time, so he uses his newfound ability to find people willing to sleep with him, as a way of raising his self esteem. is he the Best Person? not on your life. but he’s just! a sad little man! who’s trying his best! i dont wanna see him torn to shreds, man. i just want him to realize that his self-worth doesn’t have to rely entirely on whether or not he’s sexually appealing.

because at the end of the day, i think that’s his major problem??? his own self-worth is so thoroughly wrapped up in whether he perceives himself as someone who’s sexually appealing to others. 

which like! fuck you! thats considered a Big Problem and So Sad when it’s a girl, if she feels her only self-worth comes from being sexually attractive to men, but, it feels like every time i see a dude goin thru somethin similar, its like “oh hes just a Bad.” and i get it, not only do men have the societal power in this equation, but also when theyre dealin with this same problem, dudes tend to externalize it in really unhealthy and sexist ways, and im not. im not saying every sexist dude just needs a manic pixie dream girl to waltz into his life or some shit!!! im just!!!!!!!!!! idk!!!

i just cant stop sympathizing w/ the dude. and wanting him to get Help. and suffering immensely when i see him literally regressing into a place of misery right before my very eyes. 

when really all i was supposed to get from the movie is “man was Fat and Gross. he grow up 2 b Sexist Womanizer. now he see old crush and learn Sexism Bad. then kissy”