#Twenties Remus

[wolfstargazer]

Happy Birthday, Sirius Black. You reckless, whip-smart, live-wire, with a smile that can get you whatever you want except the peace and stillness you so desperately need.

I guess after twenty plus years I just can't quit you. I promise in my work to always see the heart of who you really are - passionate, fierce, and tender - beneath the carefree mask you wear for others.

And I promise Remus Lupin dreams of you the way you dream of him.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 26 - Soul

@wolfstarmicrofic October 26, word count 396

Part 1 Part 2

Sirius wandered down towards the kitchens. It would give him enough time to get his head straight, and he also got a snack out of it. He needed to stop thinking about Remus the way he was; they were friends, best friends, and he couldn’t jeopardise that. 

He was just wondering if there was a potion that could help him when he heard footsteps fast approaching. He looked at the corridor behind him but couldn’t see anything around the bend. He backtracked a few feet to see what the commotion was about when Remus came hurtling around the corner, running straight into him, causing them to crash to the ground in a heap of limbs. 

“Sirius!” Remus gasped, dragging in huge lungfuls of air. “Sirius, I need to know… Lily said that you… Sirius I… Oh, fuck it!” Sirius could hardly follow Remus’s garbled half-sentences, but he did understand what Remus was saying when their mouths connected. Oh, thank fuck! Sirius’s hands came up and wrapped themselves around Remus’s neck as he kissed him back. They were both grinning as the kiss kept on going. 

“Twenty points from Gryffindor,” McGonagall barked at them. Sirius winced. Seriously, he could have walked the entire way down to the kitchens without seeing another living soul, but the second he got everything he wanted, McGonagall of all people had to find them.  

They pulled their mouths away from each other, but Sirius refused to let go of Remus. He’d only just got him. He smiled wryly up at the glaring deputy headmistress. 

“Sorry, Professor, we fell,” The corners of her mouth twitched as she tried to stop herself from smiling. 

“I’m sure you did, Mr Black. Either way, you need to go back to your common room immediately. It is almost curfew, and do try not to fall over each other on the way back up,” Remus had stood at this point, dragging Sirius with him. Sirius took Remus’s hand, and they turned back in the direction of Gryffindor Tower. He looked over his shoulder and grinned. 

“I can’t make that promise, professor,” And he swore he heard her snort quietly once they were out of sight. He looked over at Remus and couldn't keep the smile off his face. He dragged him behind a tapestry with a hidden passageway behind it and kissed Remus again because now he could. 

[alwaysyouuuuuu]

So i was thinking about your Wolfstar Marvel AU again (it should pay rent with how much it's spinning around my head) and like,,,, Sirius not having any kind of closure about Remus,,, he doesn't know what happened to him, they never found a body or any traces of him and then he was pronounced dead and Sirius just. Doesn't know. He doesn't even know why they took Remus in the first place. And he probably feels guilty about it too (bc ofc he would!!!). Just, the lack of closure of it all, the big question mark haunting him, up until 70+ years later when he's face-to-face with Remus again (I'm loving it)

Hi hi hi!!!! 💕💕💕 Thank you so much for the ask! I am so happy we both find it consuming haha and I agree. AU needs to start paying me hourly wages for just how much it keeps me up and wondering at night. I would be in tears and at the end of my wit, if I had to do just part of this research in school (I was not into history or any literature for school, and that's putting it mildly.) and now I do this willingly lol.

You know one of those, "I'm so glad you asked"- *7 hour long vm* memes? I fear this will end up like that. Bear with me.

Before we get into that, I'll clear up some background? So Remus was first taken along with a lot of their troop (ambush?), and they were partially injected (plot reasons plot reasons!! I feel like you can guess why!!) and the Sirius and co rescued them etc etc. And then Remus was targeted specifically.

So before the permafrost, I feel the situation was very bad for Sirius. For one, he would have agreed to the Serum in the first place because Remus was in captivity (also for the war effort, of course, but to Sirius, at that point there really was no room for question which may have been there otherwise), and then he got Remus back. Just to lose him again.

And then, to the Military and almost everyone else, Hope and Lyall Lupin lost a son, but Sirius Black lost a fellow soldier. He lost a comrade. Sure, they were friends, so him being vengeful is believable, to an extent. And no one really gets the blank look in his eyes, after.

I believe there was a quote that went like, "Should you lose a spouse/partner, there is a shared understanding of the relationship, but when you lose a friend, there's no tangible evidence, no widely acknowledged way to mourn."

Except, for Sirius, he did lose his partner, love of his life and dearest friend of so many years. And no one understands. Maybe James and Lily know, but it is the 40s. Realistically, they are quiet about it at best. For him it is both, and all the more painful. And he doesn't get exactly why Remus was targeted either. Remus was at an integral position in the OSS, unusual for his age, recruited at the very beginning, one of the sharpest minds, so it could have been that. And god, he was cold blooded when he got to fighting. But of course, he cannot shake the feeling that it was because of him.

So, in that time, the days he spent looking for Remus with James and Lily, (which really wasn't much, they would not have been allowed to!) he is partially cynical. Not to the point of self-blaming but enough to self-destruct. James tries to get him out of it, but Lily grits her teeth. She doesn't say much, because she understands, I believe, how much at that point he just wants it to end.

*BAM* permafrost.

After he gains consciousness, he would have blanked out for a while, because what even is this? But he doesn't, because after the first few excruciating minutes, when the blood is pounding in his chest, looking at every flash of light, every building and car that look unnatural, really, the first thing he processes is Moody telling him that the War is over. Good, at least something went well, he thinks.

They tell him many soldiers were rescued, because that's the first thing he asks. After it sinks in, he wants to hope, and maybe he does. Because this is real, he can see it. As outlandish as it is, he is in the future. If this can be real, how foolish would it be to hope that maybe Remus made it too? He would be old, and he would have lived his life. Maybe with someone else, and that's okay. If he gets to see him one more time, Jesus, it's okay.

They tell him what happened with HYDRA and his family. They tell him about James Potter and how he revolutionized weapons, they tell him about Lily Potter, who later went on to join the NSA. God, he gets fucking giddy hearing all of that, because it worked out. For someone, it did. For James and Lily, it did. He wants to meet Harry.

And he starts to have a nagging thought, because with how they speak of and to him, maybe they would have mentioned his known childhood friend. And Remus was known to his own credit.

So he asks, slowly about one Remus Lupin?

And lo and behold. They know of him of course, of course, he was Captain America's best friend. But nothing was known of him post war.

He tries to hold his face and nods, but Moody gives him a strange look. Tells him that he'll look into it for him. He tamps it down, though, there is no point in a wishful fantasy. He would have begged Moody if required, but there really is no point. And he doesn't think he can open his mouth without saying something incriminating.

Moody offers him the initiative, of course, but they tell him to take a breath, see the world, find himself first. And he does, he takes a few days. But then he gets time to think about it, to mull things over, to reevaluate his last choices. When he is trying to ease into the new world, he is busy, things are overwhelming. But once he gets home, he spirals. He remembers how panicky he had been during the first rescue mission. He had been desperate. And what if that clued them in? There were others in the OSS. So why just Remus?

It had to be him.

So he throws himself into missions, trains hard, exhausts himself so doesn't have to think. He does what he's always been doing, he helps SHIELD and doesn't question much, because he is still processing. Some things stick out but one can only handle so much, yeah? Besides, James and Lily were the co-founders.

He finds out. Well. Many things about his past and it's just so much (I'll stop or this itself will spiral to 3k.)

I feel he's quite mercurial at times in these days. Unsettled, but he keeps going. He drinks sometimes, gets shit faced. Those days are increasing, really.

Then he meets Elena.

And there is something striking about her. Such a young girl, and he can see it in her eyes that she has seen a lot. Too much. He sees himself in her. And he is protective. He is maybe a little taken aback. Because she seems so much... like an old soul.

And Elena is drawn to him too. She opens up, slowly, slowly, which she doesn't normally. But he is fiery. Like her. And they mostly have the same stances. She doesn't speak of her childhood, and so he doesn't ask. She does mention she had a dad, and though seemingly not for long, she remembers her name from him.

She seeks out his company and it soothes something in him. I feel he's a little more settled? With time? I mean it's hard to pity yourself when there is someone dragging you out to bowl and join soccer clubs, when that someone is a loner too. Even though thinking of Remus' hurts a little more each day, because he feels that Elena and Remus would get along so well. Man she even fights like him.

So when he sees Remus again, it is whiplash of the worst kind. Remus is just there. Because it is Remus and it is not, and he is standing there just staring because this Remus even fights the same. And he sees Elena standing frozen there, and it suddenly hits him that she looks... like Remus.

Except for her eyes and it is like he is watching everything from afar. All he can do try to hold Remus back. Until Neville flies them away.

Because what has his life come to?

Elena is not responding. She is not even looking at him. And Sirius is thinking a thousand miles an hour. I think he'd find out everything he can about whoever this Winter Soldier is.

Before they finally bring R in for questioning I feel S would be overcome with guilty and longing and a lot of painful confusion, really.

And mostly, Sirius is guilt ridden. Remus was in there, with them doing who knows what to him, for 70 years? He never deserved that. Sirius was outwardly rebellious. It was his family helping fund HYDRA. And then there's Elena. Is Elena Remus'? Because how in the world did Remus manage to have a kid while he was trapped in a facility?

There is something really cool about her name. if you look closely.

Outside of his blackouts, Remus solely spoke Russian to everyone around him for 70 years right? So it seems logical that's what he'd speak to elena in that environment, mind controlled half the time etc, before they were separated (she was like. 7) and he'd find it a little difficult to slip into English again, or that's what Elena thinks. So when he demands to meet her first, she storms in, defensive stance (Sirius is standing right outside by the way) but Remus just blinks. Because they said it was Elena Chernova. But it's not. It's Helena Black.

And Sirius just. Dies a little.

Basically. He is spiralling.

So is this, so I'll stop here.

Based on this post. + snippet.

[fire-but-ashes-too]

CSREAMIN G CRYING TRHOWING UO I LOCEBTHEM ANDBDJSBDHSHSJA

[thund3randrain]

guys how can i pretend to be ok when sirius and remus couldn't have gotten legally married in the uk until they were 54

[loserboyfriendrjl]

how do you think the marauders acted like to other ppl at hogwarts? like we know they bullied snape but we also know that despite james' and sirius' arrogance and status, they were still kind to remus and peter. plus, there was some line that lily i think said about james hexing ppl left and right. i mean we all know what those popular kids were like in school... and the marauders were pretty popular. by 7th year, we know james had changed. but how mean were they really do you think?

honestly i think they were about a little meaner than the average teenager, because in hbp remus mentioned that levicorpus (snape’s spell) was quite used by everyone during their years in hogwarts, and that it wasn’t unusual to have it used on yourself unknowingly.

i think that the privilege sirius and james grew up with definitely affected their perception on the world and on the other students, possibly a bit resembling draco malfoy; he made some quite nasty remarks at times and while i can’t really see james doing them (the potters were fiercely anti-muggleborn discrimination), we have seen a little bit of the blacks’ opinions in regards to their superiority and the inferiority of everyone else, so the younger members of their family might have had those values ingrained into their heads.

however, like you said, with time and being exposed to multiple views and diversity, they learnt and developed both as people and as members of society.

as in for remus and peter, i think that both of them were quite good people in school:

remus was most likely kind to most people as we have seen that that is his general attitude towards quite about anyone most times. he’s also a fly-under-the-radar person in order not to have his secret easy to access and i think that when he was a prefect, he might have let people (such as his friends) do whatever they wanted. (for his friends, it’s because they knew his secret and he considered that, with the possibility of making them abide to the rules, they will spill out — with other people it might or might not have happened).

with the people he knew, i feel like peter was thoughtful towards. however, most people considered him to be a “tag-along” or a “side character” for the marauders (we see this in poa, when they only remember peter for always being attached to sirius and james and for being, in their opinion, quite stupid).

[laprettieststar]

I'm sad today.

Iykyk

[remus-johnlupin]

Woah wait you have porn??

Yes? It's a perfectly reasonable and healthy thing to have

[regheart]

Considering Frank and Alice were aurors in extremely trying times, probably under Barty Crouch Senior’s leadership, I wonder if they shared some of his “whatever it takes” attitude to fight death eaters. When Lupin confronts Harry about using exclusively expelliarmus against DE, Harry’s answer reminds him of James. I wonder if James and the Longbottoms ever went head to head about strategies to fight Voldemort and his followers.

that's an interesting question, anon!

one thing about crouch, he doubles the strength of his attacks once they fail. the state apparatus hasn't been enough, we should use illegal weapons. there are too many death eaters, we should arrest every suspect without trial. and so on. that's obviously ineffective in a way the text implies, but also because it's dealing with the aftermath without dealing with the cause of the problem. and realizing that is what i think it's the biggest difference in approach between the ministry and the order (and the order and any other more left-wing leaning individuals)

i believe that frank and alice, being aurors, had the means to fight against voldemort in the name of the ministry, and if they decided to go and join the order, they must have had strong disagreements with the way the ministry was doing it. and i think crouch's politics, even beyond the decision of allowing law officials to use unforgivables, must have been a part of that

it would also seem plausible that even within the order people would have different views on how to fight the war. it's a bit tense already that they're all under dumbledore's command, not everyone could be always happy with that, and i'm sure some people didn't became part of the order because they disliked dumbledore, and some others did despite of it

with the longbottoms it's safe to assume they were aligned with dumbledore, and being some of the most light leaning characters, i don't see any textual implications that they might have enjoyed or preferred crouch's methods of handling things. they are brought up close to his name only as victims, never as perpetrators

but it's a bit naive to think that they've fought a war without being changed by it, right? moody doesn't kill unless he has to, remus and kingsley go "murder is okay" once the situation gets worse, the longbottoms might have fallen in between

so, did they kill? yes. i think they would've been bad at their jobs if they didn't. i also think that they must have avoided it as much as they could, because of plausible deniability (no killing on the spot just because someone is in a suspicious position) and because they, and the order in general, valued information above making critical hits and getting lower ranked death eaters to rattle on each other and maybe on the ones closer to voldemort is a better deal than just killing them

this actually matters a lot less during the second war, everyone knows who the death eaters are because they're the ones in power and killing before you get killed might be the best strategy. for remus, at least, i wonder if his pragmatism on the matter relates to a regret of not killing in the past, maybe because he was torn between what seemed like the safest option and what james thought was right

and i always have a lot of trouble trying to figure what james did during the war (that's a whole other post), but seeing frank and alice, who were probably people he admired immensely, being very rational about killing might have put his beliefs in check and i don't think he liked being aware of how cruel he truly was

[alltheyoungmoons]

Wolfstar Historiography

As I just recently re-entered the Marauders fandom after reading All The Young Dudes, I did some research, to make up for the time between 2011 and now, when my relationship with all things Harry Potter became increasingly more strained after You-Know-Who turned out to be a disgusting malevolent TERF.

I'm glad to be back with the inevitably different understanding that comes with age and a film studies degree, because now I can turn this brainrot interest into research and, well, work. I could write an article about the stuff I'm finding out about how this particular fandom has evolved over the years. Maybe I will.

One starting point for our fave OTP, which I think will maybe be of interest to younger people who weren't around during the height of the HP craze, came from this Livejournal entry titled "The Case for R/S" (also- shoutout to this article from the Paris Review that sings its praises beautifully!). It's an incredibly detailed close-reading of every interaction and mention of Remus and Sirius in the Harry Potter books (I think pieces of this were floating around as tumblr quotes back in the day when I first got here). Anyway, I hadn't read it in full until last week and I find it super interesting, because the first thing I did after finishing ATYD was going back to the original books, and I was shocked to see how little of Wolfstar (and Marauders in general) there actually is lol. Like, I knew, but I guess I didn't think about it much.

So yeah, this is basically where it all started! We are all products of of the brainrot that came before us.

[wolfstargazer]

Sirius smells of woodsmoke and leather, of black coffee and something spiced like sandalwood from a scent he never owns to wearing...

...no matter how many times Remus asks.

Remus smells like fresh soap and second-hand books, of warm wool and, sometimes, a tang of something feral that he can never completely hide....

...and that drives Sirius wild.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 19 - Twenty-Four Hours to Live

@wolfstarmicrofic May 19, word count 977

CW- Blood, Open Wounds, Threats to life

“Get your affairs in order because this time tomorrow, cub, my boys will be coming for you. And you won’t be leaving wherever it is we track you down to.” Fenrir had hissed at him as he clutched the wound in his stomach, blood slowly dripping onto the gravel beneath their feet. 

Remus had stood straight backed, a look of defiance on his face. He disapparated, leaving the bleeding wolf behind. 

Fenrir had been after him for years. He’d wanted him to join his pack at one point, but now he wanted him dead and Remus had just given him the excuse he needed to send his pack after him, not that Fenrir needed an excuse. 

Remus had no doubt that the pack would catch up with him if he tried to run. There was no hiding from Fenrir’s savage wolves. He was going to face them head on and take as many with them as he could. 

He stared at Sirius, sleeping soundly in their bed. He stopped thinking about the future, concentrating on the now and leaving Sirius with a few good memories of him. They’d be clashing lately and Remus didn’t want to leave it like that. 

He walked around to his side of the bed and got in. He stroked a finger over Sirius’s cheek with a feather light touch. His boyfriend shuffled under the covers. He did it again, this time trailing his finger along his jaw. Sirius’s eyes snapped open, his pupils growing large and very round at the seductive look on Remus’s face. They spent the next few hours tangled amongst the bedsheets. Sirius never asked what had brought it on. 

Remus woke early, Sirius still sleeping, his body draped across Remus’s. He placed a sweet kiss amongst Sirius’s curls and carefully removed himself from their tangled limbs. He fancied having his favourite breakfast. A full Scottish breakfast with all the trimmings. He was just plating up when Sirius emerged from their bedroom, the smell of the cooking meats too enticing.

They sat in comfortable silence at the kitchen table, the only sounds were the moans that slipped from their lips as they devoured their food. 

“Can we go to the bookshop today? Remus asked Sirius as he took his plate from him and dumped them in the sink. He wanted to do all his favourite things one last time. 

“If you want,” Sirius replied, looking at him with a strange expression. “We could go look in the music shop next door after as well,” Sirius added. Remus nodded in agreement. 

“Perfect,” He said. “I’ll hop in the shower, and then we can go.” He smiled as he headed towards the bathroom. He leaned his head backwards as he passed the door frame. “Wanna join me?”

By the time they got out of the house it was past noon. Remus rushed Sirius through the busy streets, wanting to have as much time amongst the books he loved before he ran out of time. 

It smelled just the same as always in the muggle bookshop he frequented. Binding glue and fresh unread pages. He wanted to read them all. He ran his hands over a few tomes and pulled a promising one off the shelf. It was short. He thumbed through the pages. He could probably read it by this evening. He put it back on its shelf. He wanted to spend as much time with Sirius and his friends, and hiding his face in a book wouldn’t let that happen. 

“Can we go see Lily and James after we go next door?” He asked as he picked up another book. 

“Okay,” Sirius replied, his eyes narrowed as he carefully watched Remus. 

They didn’t stay long in the bookshop and spent even less time in the music shop. Sirius bought a couple of new vinyls and that was it. They walked towards an alley and apparated to the Potter's house. Remus grinned at the familiar path to the front door, lined with a rainbow of flowers. 

James greeted them, enveloping Sirius in a bone-crushing hug. He was gentler with Remus, but still squeezed hard. 

They followed him inside to find Lily waiting for them in the sitting room with a tray full of tea and other goodies. 

It was the best day Remus could remember having in a long time. He felt he’d spent his last hours well. The only thing he regretted was leaving Sirius alone.  

The time neared when the pack would arrive. He made his excuses to Sirius, James and Lily, pretending he wanted to go for a walk. He apparated to a meadow and waited. 

The pack didn’t take long to arrive. There were more than Remus had anticipated; at least thirty. He raised his wand, ready to fight. 

“Don’t think that silly stick will help you, Lupin. You know what’s about to happen. Don’t struggle and we’ll make it quick. You harm any of my pack, and I’ll personally make sure your death is dragged out over days.” Daniel, Fenrir’s second in command sneered at him. Remus cast a slicing charm, the same one he’d used on Fenrir when he’d cornered him last night and watched the wolf drop to his knees, gasping. “Get him!” Daniel roared, and the remaining wolves surged forward. 

Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack!” Sirius, James, Lily, Mary, Marlene, Dorcas and the Prewett twins apparated beside him, making the pack pause. All had their wands raised. 

“How did you know?” Remus croaked out, grateful that Sirius had come to his rescue. 

“You left the bookshop without buying a single book.” Sirius said simply. “So I put a tracking spell on you,” 

Together they made quick work of the pack. 

“I’ve got you, Moony. Always have, always will.” Sirius said boldly, wrapping his arms around him and taking him home.

[greenerteacups]

Different anon: miss ma’am GTC is such a cute nickname and I am hereby appropriating it 🥰

I imagine Pete to be a hanger-on, the handsome rich popular kids take him and Remus under their wings. Remus is brilliant in his own right, but Pete straddles the line between celebrity awe (they picked unremarkable little me to be their friend? And I can raise my social capital by being their friend??) and sheer resentment. A Paris Hilton/Kim Kardashian circa 2007 dynamic if you will. Judging by descriptions of Sirius and James and their bullying of Severus (which Remus only reluctantly tolerated but Pete gleefully participated in) I also imagine that they weren’t all that kind to him. He’s the one they could mercilessly rag on and Pete will take it because the alternative is to be the class’s unlikable runt. Think of Ron in your fic but crank it to the max. Such a person would turn on their friends under duress (and also under the belief that his status would rise significantly in a Voldemort-rule world).

As for Molly…idk I come from a culture that condones and even encourages age gaps. Mum is very maternal and she’s always told me to finish school and find a good job before I marry but even she was like oh but he’s a good match! when a 28 yr old family acquaintance wanted to propose to me when I was only 19 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cool take! I like your read of the teenage dynamics, but in canon I still feel this disconnect between the person he's supposed to be as a teenager (close friend, fourth Marauder, Secret-Keeper, clearly trustworthy or thought to be so at any rate) and the cardboard villain he is as an adult (cowardly, sniveling, immediately returns to Voldemort despite there being no need for him to do so). Do I think they were all that kind to him, eh, probably not, but that's because I think the Marauders are kind of dicks in general [she said affectionately]. He's close enough for Lupin to tell him his secret, and to go through a hugely impactful transformation in order to help him with it, so he's clearly got some degree of loyalty and personal camaraderie — plus, I really don't buy the way McGonagall talks about him as an "extra" or a hanger-on. For one: weirdly harsh, considering she's talking about a man she believes to be a murder victim; and for two, McGonagall believed that Sirius was capable of killing/betraying James, so I don't know how much we can necessarily trust her read of their dynamic. It strikes me that anyone who knew how close Sirius and James were would've found Sirius's conviction fairly suspicious; Lupin, for instance, believes Sirius as soon as Sirius gives him an even remotely plausible alternative explanation, absent any proof whatsoever. So I'm thinking McGonagall might just be reasoning a posteriori, here.

I love your comparison of Peter to Ron, though, because I've actually thought about it a lot. If you analogize Harry to James, then Ron twice steps into the role of Peter/Judas/traitor, both in Book 4 (blows up, calls him a liar, leaves him during the heat of the Tournament) and Book 7 (blows up, calls him a dick, leaves him during the heat of the horcrux hunt). Those are betrayals! And if Ron hadn't come back (or if he'd been killed and never made it back, leaving everyone to imagine he'd just fucked off for good) would people in 10 years be talking about Ron the same way they talked about Peter? "Yeah, big lump of a guy, always trailing after Harry and Hermione"? "Guess we all should've seen it coming, we all knew how jealous he was of Harry"? And like, we know that's true, but it's not the whole truth. How much of his story would ever be told?

[grimsneverendingfuneral]

The Point of No Return

It was the crack of his own wrist against the stone that woke him up, startled out of what seemed to feel like a thousand year slumber.

His eyes flew open momentarily, breath catching in between the cage of his ribs like a trapped bird. The pain behind his eyes was too much to bear, and he squeezed them shut, grinding his teeth together.

With much effort, Sirius peeled his eyelids open again and blinked. The strain of his vision locked on his fingers, splayed apart on the stone he lay face forward on.

This feeling. He had never felt such a feeling. It felt to him that he wasn’t who he was before, an inexplainable feeling to his still foggy mind. Like a vastness had grown and taken root inside of him, the nothing of it making him feel queasy. It was as if he had been fast asleep for ages and someone had disassembled his limbs one by one, only to hurry to put them back together again.

It was as if his heart no longer belonged in the place it was in before.

Sirius took a shuddering breath to cast the ache away, shoulder blades searing and arms still too stiff and weak to move. His nerves were stretched under leathery skin, lungs burning from the impact of—

Of, of…

A painful groan tore through his throat as he briefly pushed himself off the floor and rolled on his back.

Before him stood the arch. The arch…

Ghostly glows and stygian silky currents moved in front of him within the arch’s impressive frame. Sirius swallowed.

The storm clouds in his vision and mind dissipated, revealing a sharpened edge, a scorching star, a glint of amber, a lightning bolt scar.

Sirius trembled, sudden fear and shock invading him, shaking him down to his bones. He felt the warmth return to his limbs painfully slowly, and with every strike of a new sensation, the numbness went, along with his sanity.

Her laughter.

Bellatrix.

Lucius.

Remus. Remus.

He clenched his jaw tight over the lump that rose like a high striker in his throat.

Harry.

Remus. Harry.

He was standing, somehow, and he was moving, thick walls of stone rugged beneath the hand he was dragging along the surface. Sirius shook and shook, patting himself down.

“Wand, wand…” he whispered to himself, eyes searching the empty floor.

He did not have it. He must have dropped it beyond the veil.

Oh, Harry.

He shouldn’t have seen that. He shouldn’t have seen that happen.

She was too quick. She had always been quicker than him, quicker than all of them.

And Remus.

Remus did not scream. He hadn’t screamed, and Sirius had not had enough time to look at him. Not enough time to look into his eyes, to tell him to take care of Harry, take care of himself. To tell him that he loved him like he had never loved anyone before, tell him to not stay up too late and to not forget to turn the burner off before he went to bed after tea.

He remembered Harry’s frightened eyes, the brief look of hope merged with wrath as he realized that something was taking Sirius away, but that maybe it wasn’t what it seemed.

Sirius had tried to smile, give him something to hold onto, and then everything had gone blank.

That was it. Just blank. Just the darkness. No reaching for a fading light, no loved ones waiting in a sunlit room.

Just a dark place beyond the veil.

The point of no return.

But now he stood, hunched against the wall, breathing, breathing hard through his nose, flesh and bone and the full spectrum of human emotion coursing through him like a violent river.

He touched his chest, patted himself down again. He was in fact, alive.

Elation. Ecstasy. Realization. Dread.

“Fuck.”

@wolfstarmicrofic

[justsumtransdude2000]

I agree and raise you:

I want to see and edit to that one song, yk the one, that's like and they both reach for the gun, the gun, the gun, and it's the marauders and Voldemort grabbing at Peter, and the gag is that musical the song is in is supposed to be making a point on false advertisement/propaganda (or smth like that, is what I heard), because neither is actually reaching for the gun, because even among friends and even among the allies he painstakingly built, Peter is painfully unwanted, and neither the marauders nor the Dark Lord is actually reaching for him.

sort of a controversial opinion but i want to start seeing peter pettigrew included in aesthetic edits about the death eater squad & their vengeful pureblood decadence

[luveline]

Jade can I please get a chatty af yapper sunshine girlfriend with Sirius?? Like May be someone tells her she talks a lot so she's super quiet around him cuz she's worried he'll get annoyed and break up with her but poor Sirius he misses his chatty girl and just angst with fluff

thank you for requesting! fem, 1.4k

James Potter means well. Honestly, you don’t think he has a mean bone in his body, so you try not to take it to heart. 

Unfortunately, your attempts to do so don’t work. They really, unquestionably don’t. By the time you’re outside of Sirius’ flat that afternoon, James’ small comment is all you can think of. 

“You’re so chatty I’m surprised you don’t run out of breath,” he’d said. Not without love. You’d bumped into him in Sainsbury’s and ended up talking for ages about one thing or another, you know him well, you’d even say you were friends, though he’s of course Sirius’ friend rather than your own. “But I’m the same. God, Sirius used to hate how much I talked, he’d be sick of me. I think I numbed him to it over the years.” 

You can’t imagine it. Sirius and James are best friends. With Remus, they’re the most in love threesome of friends you’ve ever met, and it’s nice; it makes you very proud to have a boyfriend who cares for others as deeply as Sirius cares for them. It’s like a constant demonstration of how he’s a good man. 

But you’d never stopped to consider that they weren’t always so seamless, and you’ve regrettably never considered that your constant talking is something that could put him off. 

You talk to Sirius about everything. There isn’t a word to describe the excitement of having someone waiting to listen to you every single night. You could tell him every detail of a day down to what colour socks you wore and you know he’ll sit there listening with his hand on the small of your back, or his fingers twined between yours. You’ve never felt so loved as to be able to just talk about everything and have him talk back. 

But… what if, this whole time, he’s been wishing for a little bit of quiet? 

What if eventually, the talking becomes too much? 

He must be with you for a reason. You aren’t holding the poor guy hostage, he acts like he’s mad for you ninety percent of the time (while the other ten percent is spent sleeping on your shoulder). 

Like now —you knock his door and you can hear him scrambling up from the sofa, the sound of a book dislodged or a remote hitting the rug, you’re not sure. The door yanks open and Sirius smiles at you, pulling you in through the gap with a familiar hand on your hip. 

“Hey,” Sirius says, tucking you against his side, “hey, did you get lovelier over the weekend?” He shoves the door closed and gives you a hug with one arm, pausing in the hall. “Sorry I couldn’t see you. I don’t think we should miss another weekend.” 

You have a lot to tell him. It’s been ages since you spent nearly three days apart, but James’ conversation stays at the front of your mind. 

You decide to be less overwhelming, but not less loving, curling your arm behind his head to pull his cheek down for a kiss. “I don’t think so, either.” 

Sirius tilts his head away from you in an invitation for more kissing. 

You’re at home in his flat. You take off your shoes and hang up your jacket. You change into a pair of jogging bottoms with loose legs and let him hoist you onto his bed for a few stolen kisses, though he isn’t propositioning you, and you end up laying across his bedspread with one of your legs in his lap as he tells you about his days without you, his thumb sliding with pressure down your calf. 

“Mostly I wished I’d asked you to come over anyways, even if it was just to sleep together at the end of the day. Maybe next time we can do that?” he asks. 

“Of course we can.” You smile at him indulgently. “I’d come over for twenty minutes if it was all I could get.” 

“Or I can come to you,” he says, “even if it’s just twenty minutes.” 

He smiles, a beaming thing, and leans down slowly for a soft kiss. 

“So,” he asks, his breath on your lips, “how was your weekend? Lonely?” 

“So lonely,” you tease lightly, eyes fluttering closed as he continues his massaging of your leg. “But it was okay. I missed you, really, and didn’t do much else.”

“No?” he asks. 

Your voice takes on a shine as he squeezes your knee, “Missed your hands.”  

“I missed your everything.” He grabs for your forearms and pulls you into a sitting position. “But everything was okay?” he asks more seriously. 

“Everything was fine.” 

He raises his eyebrows, but eventually lets them relax. “Well, okay. Good, sweetheart, I’m glad it was okay.” 

He persuades you into the kitchen to sit with him as he makes dinner, refusing to let you help, and yet insisting you be there in the same room, as though you’d like to be anywhere else. Sirius makes your favourite of his usual rotation, offering you spoonfuls for tasting, gaps of silence stretching as he struggles to find new conversation. You start answering his questions but remember time and time again that Sirius could become totally sick of you. He might already be. 

Sirius puts the food on a low heat and washes his hands. He wipes them dry, but when he takes your face, dampness lines the inside of his fingers. 

“I’d like for you to tell me what’s wrong,” he says gently, stroking at the line of your startled frown, “before it gets worse. Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Nothing’s wrong.” 

“Please don’t, lovely. If I’ve done something wrong, please tell me. I want us to last forever, and we can’t do that if you won’t tell me when I upset you.” 

“It wasn’t you,” you say instinctively, then regret it. 

“So someone has?” he asks, still so gentle as his hands coast down your neck like he’s sculpting you, coming to rest on the slopes leading to your shoulders. “You can tell me anything. You don’t have to keep it to yourself… please.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Sweetheart.” He frowns deeply. Couldn’t look more upset. “Of course I’m sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” 

You chew it over, not wanting or willing to cause ructions between Sirius and his oldest friend. “Well, I saw James today at the shop, and… we were talking about you…” 

He waits. “And?” 

“And he told me you– you don’t like talking. That you didn’t like talking, that James used to make you sick of it. So I know I talk too much and you’ve never made me feel like I shouldn’t, but I guess I got into my head thinking you’d get sick of me, too.” 

“When we were younger I didn’t like much of anything.” He curls an arm behind your neck to hold you in place, but it’s not a dominant sort of movement, only protective as your noses inch together. “Did you ever read that poem by Bukwoski? Let It Enfold You?” 

“What?” 

“I’m not very good at explaining myself. I thought if you knew the poem, you’d–” He laughs near your cheek. “I hated everything. It wasn’t James’ fault. He did make me sick of it sometimes, but I just wanted to hide from everything.” He breathes out slowly. “I’ve never wanted to hide from you. I can’t get sick of you. Do you get that? I can’t get sick of you. Listening to you is the best part of my day, you’re my personal chatterbox.” 

“Chatterbox,” you repeat teasingly. 

“You could talk for Wales,” he says. “And I love it, I don’t want you to stop, because I’ll never be sick of it.”

“I don’t want it to be some secret resentment.”

“I don’t resent you for anything. I knew exactly who you were when we met and I love it.” He takes your face again. “I love it,” he repeats. 

You steal a little kiss against the corner of his lips. “What was the poem?” you ask. 

“I’ll find my book, and you can read it to me. What do you think?” He takes a slow kiss as you had in the same place, words like honey. “I miss your voice.” 

He’s basically pleading. It’s not like Sirius to plead, but you pull it out of him. 

“Can I have my dinner first?” 

“The one I made while you deprived me?” he asks. “Yes, if you must.” 

He takes another kiss, but you’re happy to give it.