#Touched part 8 yesterday which was a huge accomplishment

[someone-you-do-not-know]

I kinda miss how much statistical information ff.net gave users about their fanfictions. Like sure. It also encouraged users to go slightly insane over numbers and updating just to see number go up. But AO3 gives me no indication or clue on how many people have read my stories. Like, for all I know, based on the numbers, even those with the biggest numbers could technically only have been read by the number of people who left kudos – and guests could theoretically be left by the same person. And it's completely impossible to tell for ongoing multichapter stories whether people just left after the first chapter unless they leave a comment.

I just miss parts of ff.net.

[sleeperswakewriting]

i just thought of a new prompt omg rivetra skating partners au??? IMAGINE THE SEXUAL TENSION??? THE SLOWBURN FROM BEING SKATING PARTNERS TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

saw this tweet and imagined them sm: https://twitter.com/oyimpian/status/1383173356774699012?s=21

Omg anon, thank you for showing me this. I have 0 knowledge about figure skating but I do love watching it! I was totally listening to the Yuri on Ice soundtrack writing this. I don’t think I would be the best person to write a full fic, but I hope this 2k ficlet works! Routine and outfits based on this performance!

They had kissed more times than she could count. It had always been the same in their five years of working together--orchestrated, chaste, but just enough acting to dazzle the crowd and judges.

And tonight would be their last.

Petra tightened the laces of her figure skates, making sure not to snag the nylon of her stockings from her freshly manicured nails. She checked herself in the mirror; ginger hair locked neatly into a bun for the maneuvers they would be pulling off later, and her deep red velvet dress twirled around her hips. It was one of the most daring outfits she had ever performed in, with the back almost completely exposed and and the front neck cut a deep v-neck with the mesh layer.

She took a deep breath as memories washed over her, wondering where the time had gone. It had only seemed like just yesterday when Petra met her grumpy skating partner, Levi, and she had wanted to knock him off the ice  from their initial meeting to his brash attitude. However, they performed the tryouts at their coaches’ requests, and not only were they physically compatible, she had latched on to his crude sense of humor and found his company enjoyable.

Sure, it took them awhile, he would frequently get irritated at her when she would lose her footing or not stick a landing, and she would throw him a few choice words whenever he dropped her, which wasn’t often, but the minute his hands slipped and she came crashing down, tempers flared. They were both good at what they did, they were hand selected by the top coaches in their country, and with talent, came ego.

Unsurprisingly, their common work ethic served as a guidepost for their mutual partnership over the course of the five years they had been working together. Petra was relatively newer to the competitive figure skating scene, only doing some solo competitions but felt that she could accomplish more with a partner. Levi was in a similar boat, about to retire since he had gotten bored, but when his coach Erwin suggested a partner he said, why not?

Except it had been disastrous, with Levi mouthing off to each of his partners, and not to mention that they all commented on his height. It wasn’t a huge sore spot because he had been used to it, but the fact of the matter was, no woman wanted to be lifted by a man who was 5 inches shorter than her, so he resigned himself to retiring until Erwin suggested that he meet up with Petra Ral, a new, but talented skater who was 8 years his junior.

Not only was she shorter than him, but they were able to move in time with one another and were able to wordlessly read each other’s movements. It was an intimate type of connection, one that their mutual partners over the years had questioned time and time again, but they both reassured their partners and more importantly, themselves, that their feelings were completely platonic.

Or so had Petra thought until Levi told her that after this year, he would be retiring. He was getting older and he was looking at other career prospects, like possibly coaching, but valued their companionship over the years. He said the words with such a precise staccato that Petra even wondered if he cared at all since he took her out to dinner after practice to tell her.

It was then that her heart broke. She assumed it was just from losing her skating partner, that was a common occurrence in their field, but as the day of their last competition grew closer, Petra knew it was something more.

The way his hands pressed into her waist was no longer a section of choreography, but a gesture that made her heart flutter. His concentrated stormy look when they breathed in time with one another, preparing to execute a synchronized dance, was now filled with an electricity when their blades scraped their ice.

This routine in particular was special; it was from Moulin Rouge, one of her favorite movies and the first part of the routine was sensual and filled with lust. They had spent hours upon hours perfecting each and every single lift, and they had barely any time to see family and friends from the hours they put into their routine. Truth be told, they spent the most time with each other, and the action of hanging out after work wasn’t even strange, it was expected, as they alternated who picked the restaurant for the night.

There was a knock at the door, and Petra shouted, “Come in!” as she already knew who it was from the three steady raps.

Levi entered, looking handsome in his simple black outfit to compliment her own. He took her in and nodded appreciatively as the weight of the next hour hung heavy over them.

“You ready?” He asked, hand outstretched.

Petra smiled, used to the familiar words and routine they had as she took his hand and he led them out for their warm up lap around the rink with the other couples.

They had their routine down pat--they always kept their gazes locked on each other during warmups, not wanting to let the other couples distract them. Hands danced across each other’s bodies as muscle memory took over, going over their routine in bits and pieces and letting themselves become reacclimated to the ice for the day. Petra had often thought that she was becoming more used to skating than walking for the amount of time she spent dancing with Levi, and she flexed her back as they spun in time, hands locked onto each other.

Feeling satisfied with their warm up, they exited hand in hand to the waiting room as they were the third couple to go. It wasn’t unusual for them to be physically close during competitions, Petra was always nervous as hell, and even though Levi had a cool and fixated composure, competition day nerves also stirred inside him. Better to face them with each other, and they sat on the bench, looking absently at the TV as the announcer gave their routine opening speech.

Petra bit the corner of her lip. “Levi, I know we’ll have time for this later, but I wanted to let you know how much your partnership has meant to me over these last five years. I almost want to retire since you won’t be with me anymore,” she laughed airly, but fell silent at his narrowed gaze.

“Don’t do that, you have a whole future ahead of you,” he said in a clipped voice, eyes fixated on the television. He squeezed her hand a bit tighter as he diverted his expression to the floor. “But the same goes for you, Petra. I’ll miss you a lot.”

She nodded, feeling more reassured by his words as she moved to lean her head against his shoulder as they watched the other couples perform. They didn’t say a lot, usually keeping their opinions for post-competition hang outs and replays, but Petra didn’t know if there would be any of those anymore.

“Do you think the other couples are like us? I feel like we’re so in tune, like we get each other. Like them,” she said nodding to the current pair, “You can tell they don’t trust each other from the way her muscles are so stiff during her lifts.”

“There’s no one else like us,” Levi replied simply, raising himself from the bench to do a few stretches. Petra did the same and admired the way lean body looked in his current outfit, back sinewy and his hair gelled perfectly into place.

The speaker announced them, and Petra’s heart wrenched that that would be the last time she would hear Levi Ackerman and Petra Ral and as they moved onto the ice, holding hands, eyes locking. Petra took a deep breath, and all was lost as soon as the music started.

The routine started with her straddling him from behind, and she effortlessly jumped as he took her, arms locked at her thighs and hers around his neck. He lifted her as they danced, and she twirled, eyes fixated on him as her center as it always was. Then came the synchronized dancing and Levi’s hands were at her bare waist, hands hot and precise as they spared no moment in moving and darting between them. He lifted her again, and their foreheads touched while they circled around the rink, not caring for anyone but each other.

That was Petra’s favorite part about the way they skated together--nothing else in the world mattered besides them. She could drown out the crowd with him by her side, it was just the music, the ice, and them, moving and breathing in time. He held her from under her legs, the action sending a pleasurable shiver throughout her body despite being touched there by him thousands of times, and as she descended they locked eyes as they prepared for their next big moment.

They let go, red and black speeding and twirling around each other but not quite touching. As the music reached its crescendo, Petra leapt into the air as Levi caught her from around the waist, and they spun as each other's center of gravity. Legs wrapping around his, she straddled his waist as they leaned into each other and kissed as the music went softer and moved to a more sensual rhythm. Her hand laced through his hair, feeling his fresh undercut and inhaled his musk and their lips moved against one another, sending ripples of pleasure between them.

Breaths heavy, they released their lips as the crowd went wild, and Petra unhooked her legs as Levi took her hand and they moved in time, parallel to each other. Her heart beat fast as Levi’s lips still hung against her own, the kiss much more passionate than in their practice kisses or former routines, but tried to push it from her mind as the finale was coming up.

The music built and ended as they both stuck their landings and bowed as the crowd cheered. Petra was crying, just realizing the magnitude of their last competition as she saw her face on the large screen and Levi sped over to her, taking her hand, his eyes also filled with moisture as he kissed her cheek and led them away to watch for their scores.

It always took a few minutes for the judges to get the scores together, and before Petra could say anything, Levi moved her against their locker and pulled her in for a searing kiss. Legs weak from their routine and the adrenaline, her knees wobbled and he caught her, hands at her waist as he brushed his tongue against hers, deepening the kiss as she returned it with fervor.

Breaths heavy, Levi pressed his forehead to hers. “I’m not imagining things, right? This kiss was different.”

Petra smiled between tears as she nodded, threading her fingers through his hair as she continued kissing him the way she had wanted to for the past five years.

“Hey guys, what are you doing? They’re just about to announce the scores--” Erwin walked in and smirked at the partners as they held each other, but broke apart as they heard Erwin’s voice.

Both blushing from being caught, Levi held Petra’s waist as he guided them back outside, neither caring too much about their scores since they both had won the biggest prize that night.

[witchqueenofthemoon]

BODY AND SOUL Part 34 EPILOGUE (Duncan Shepherd/Mackenzie Stone Millory AU)

BODY AND SOUL MASTERPOST

Author’s Note: Here we are at the end. I keep imagining myself four months ago, on the edge of all of this--a completely different self, one that was so deeply discontent with everything in her life, unable to confront it all. I wonder what I would have said if you told me that soon not only would I have written a book, I’d have broken up with my partner of almost 8 years, changed my diet utterly, and tested the limits of my endurance for a broken heart. WELL, SELF, HERE WE ARE, ON THE EDGE OF OBLIVION. I’ve charged through all of it, and now I’m floating in the ether, unsure of where my path is going to lead next. To say I’m terrified is an understatement; but mostly I’m just drifting inside all of this, trying to take it an hour at a time. BODY AND SOUL was, and is, and always will be, about the bond between two luminous souls that cannot be broken by anyone or anything--a bond that is capable of changing the fabric of time with its strength and endurance. Love is everything. Love is the gold that you see in dappled sunlight and in the coolness of the evening and the sunset that floats down a horizon; it’s in the touch of hands, the quiet moments of stillness when you’re alone (yes, it’s there too), the earnest eyes of another heart seeing into yours. In the end, the love we give will always determine the love we’re capable of receiving--and if we can both take the love we’re given and give of ourselves with abandon, we’ve found the secret to life. My sincerest thanks to anyone and everyone who has supported this journey for me here on Tumblr specifically, but especially to these luminous beings: @misslunarayne, who has now become one of my dearest friends and closest confidantes, @ladywriter94 who has been my CONSTANT cheerleader and has sent me so many asks to rekindle my drive when my brain felt empty and my candle burned low, @surprisebitchwrites who was a ray of light from the beginning (and who coined Duckenzie--for which I am forever in her debt), @hi-ilovedamien who has been so earnest and attentive and made so many wonderful Instagram edits, @kahhlo who seemed to overcome her shyness along the way (hey baby doll), @deanfinite and @goddess-of-inferno who also felt moved to make edits, and last but certainly not least, @nat-de-lioncourt, who made the edit for my masterpost (the first one anyone did for my story), and was one of BODY AND SOUL’s most vocal supporters from Day 1. Without you, this story could never have been what it became. I’m indebted to all of you. Here, words fail me. I’m just so grateful.

When it comes to the garden house, it’s an idea most of all--I avoided too many details, because the garden house is what YOU want it to be. It’s my dream, but it’s your dream too. It’s the dream that comes to life when you open your heart to love and beauty. This is Kenzie’s dress in the painting. I made my AO3 (I’m @witchqueenofdarkness there too). Look for Part 1 there this week along with the BODY AND SOUL Spotify playlist (coming soon) and a masterpost that includes every BODY AND SOUL edit anyone has made for me. I’ll be seeing you.

EPILOGUE

ONE YEAR AFTER THE WEDDING

Kenzie was elbow-deep in her tomato plants. They were bursting with ripe fruits; tomatoes so large and red and perfectly formed they seemed unreal. All of her vegetables were growing that way; this was the first yield since the garden’s initial planting, and she still couldn’t quite believe how utterly spring and then summer had burst upon the house. There were a million flowers; the dahlias and lilies she and Duncan had planted together in March were blooming in lush rows along the south side of the greenhouse, stretching along its frosted glass facade. Beyond that, the house itself was surrounded by lavender and hydrangeas, towering sunflowers, yarrow and catnip, all growing with lush abandon, dazzling her eyes with their color under the shade of her straw sunhat.

We suspected this might happen, but we could have never imagined just how beautiful it would be. In this place, the laws of nature are greater. Held in the palm of Her hand, things grow endlessly. The Fates weave their endless tapestry through time and space; She creates and destroys, always.

Kenzie turned her head as she heard soft neighing behind her, the steady, slow sound of horseshoes on earth. Crocus was coming up to the fence, tossing his head at her. Whatcha doing? The soft drift of his low, large energy drifted across the yard to her; his tail flicked lazy flies from his hindquarters, silky cream in the June sunshine. Kenzie couldn’t quite hear the horse’s thoughts, but sometimes she felt like she could get small little pieces of his mood, tiny drifts of strange horsey contemplations; happy, she felt from him. Content. Kenzie stood, wiping the dark earth from her hands on the pair of old cut-off denim shorts she wore. She approached the post-rail fence, craning to look beyond Crocus for a moment to the field behind him.

“Where’re they, huh, honey-sweet?” She murmured, reaching two fingers to his damp nose. Crocus tossed his head; the braids in his mane slapped on his long neck. Beats me. Chasing dragonflies. Eating tidbits.

Kenzie stuck a finger in her lips, against her tongue, and whistled out into the low breeze. “Ivy! Pepper!” She whistled again, sending drifts of golden thought out beyond the hill the fence stretched around. She paused for a moment, hand drifting up Crocus’ long snout, then smiled as she heard the telltale sound of galloping horses; their two dark shapes drifted around the hillside and she grinned.

“Pepp, Ivy, come on over here, come on, come see me,” she chanted, hitching herself through the fence’s slats and carefully over the enclosure. Pepper made it first; his dark-chocolate coat shone in the haze of the afternoon, blindingly smooth, his flanks rippling. Black-eyed susans were woven into the darkness of his mane; Kenzie had spent hours with him yesterday, braiding them through. My sweet dark Pepper, she thought, turning an arm up to him; he pressed his long forehead into her hand and she cooed up at him. Ivy was tossing her head, eager for attention; her black coat was like a dark, reflectant pool, luxuriously smooth. She had tiny daisies in her mane; one of Kenzie’s favorite things to do this summer had been spending hours on their manes in the morning, hours with their quiet, huge spirits, the strong scent of them, their wide eyes, the overwhelming aura of them. My sweet Crocus, Pepper, Ivy. My beauties. She rode Crocus most often; Ivy had gravitated to Duncan from the start, eager to be near him, though he’d take Pepper out with Kenzie sometimes, beyond the field and through the woods to the far northwest of the property. Kenzie could often feel the presence of the Goddess in them; they were ever sweet and mild to her, far more inclined to be ill-behaved and mischievous toward Duncan. But I’m their beloved, Kenzie knew. Even they know who I am; who I was once. My sweet ones.

She turned away from them as she heard the screen door to the side of the garden house creak open; River stood there in a tulip-sleeve white summer dress with lemons printed on it, a floppy sun hat covering her straight black hair.

“Kenz, I got somemore paperwork from the court ordinance, I just need you to sign it when you get a chance. And Frederick called--he heard of some Waterhouse painting coming up for auction and wondered if you and Duncan would be interested in it.”

“Thanks, River, I’ll come in in a second, is that okay? Did they say anything about how Mr. Carothers is doing?”

“They said something about him doing well with the program, almost being done with it, I think. That was all, really.”

“That’s good. Can you call Frederick back and make an appointment for us with him next week? It’s a good excuse to visit him. I’d love to see the peacock again, anyway.”

“Sure, Kenz. I made some yerba mate iced tea a little while ago, if you want some.”

“Oo, that sounds lovely. I’ll be in soon, Riv.” Just giving my babies some love, she thought, and knew River understood without her needing to say it aloud. She turned back to Crocus and heard River swing the door shut; long, languid ivy was growing along that side of the house, dipping down through its stony facade, and the sight of it lingered in her mind as she stared into Crocus’ damp eyes. Her thoughts drifted to the court appearance several months ago; the time the man--his name was Jeremy Carothers, and he’d spiraled into deep alcoholism when he’d been fired from Shepherd Unlimited several years back--had broken into the Post building and accosted her seemed like ages ago, another life; revisiting it in the court room had been surreal. But as soon as she’d gotten to the court house that day, Kenzie had known she wouldn’t be pressing any charges; in fact, it had become clear to her that she wanted to pay for the man’s mental health services entirely. There’s no room for animosity in my heart, she thought. I am far too blessed. The point was always to share it with others. Always. The work the Foundation had been able to accomplish over the past two years was so extraordinary and moving; every major city in the United States was now implementing a solar program, and green house gas emissions, through the Foundation’s initiatives and new laws passed by the President with the help of Shepherd Unlimited and newly elected progressive candidates to public offices, were plummeting.

The world was changing.

Because of our love, Kenzie thought. Because of everything we’ve been able to do. Together. Spreading it far and wide and making it grow. Grow over everything. Touch everything with golden light.

Kenzie kissed her fingertips then pressed them to Crocus’ cool nose. The sun had become oppressively hot; she stepped towards the stable, beckoning to the horses.

“Come on, beauties, let’s get in the shade, shall we?” Ivy and Pepper eagerly followed Crocus, who was always the leader; he lumbered up lazily beside Kenzie as she made her way through the cool enclosure of the vaulted stable, carefully pushing the gates closed on each of the horses in turn, their paddocks side by side; a golden gate for Crocus, blue for Ivy, red for Pepper. She gathered their grain bags from the storage on the side-wall, pouring a cup full into each, attaching them to the hooks on inside walls of the three stalls; her eyes roved over the horses as they ate, pressing a fingernail against her mouth.

Miss you, baby, she thought out into the ether. Can’t wait for you to come home. Kenzie felt out with her mind; let her goldness drift through the stable doors, out and down to the beaten path that led in two directions, one to the house’s front gate (white-washed and covered in Zinnias this time of year), the other to the side greenhouse, its frosted, slanting rooftop glittering with sun; the double doors were open and she could almost smell the scent of the ginseng and ginger that were growing wildly within, her towering bamboo plants and pachira aquatica. She pushed her thoughts beyond; far, far beyond, out of the sphere of the property, beyond the forest that surrounded them, down the long roads and the highway to the city, where Duncan was working today. Come home, she thought. Come home and hold me, my love.

For a moment, she felt the drifting column of his blue energy falling against her, despite all the distance. Soon, beloved. Soon, my angel. On my way to you.

Kenzie trailed her fingers along each of the horses’ foreheads for a few moments; then she stepped outside of the stables, along the path towards the house; for a moment she took a detour through the greenhouse’s blown glass doorway, skirting under the canopies of ivy and through the palms that were growing with abandon now in the summer heat. My own little jungle, she thought, and not for the first time. She went on, past the daylilies, petunias and marigolds, bursting with color--here the backdoor led out to a little courtyard between the greenhouse and the main house, a fountain with the forms of Hades and Persephone in the center; Hades and Persephone, but made to look like us, Kenzie thought, gazing over it for a long moment as she passed through. It was Duncan’s face encased in stone there; and hers, hair falling back, petals drifting through its stony waves. His hands drifted at her arms, their faces turned up to each other. This stony Duncan wore an aegis; an aegis that had been carved in the likeness Duncan had described to the sculptor who created it. In the image of the one I saw in my dreams, he’d told her. The one I had in that other place, in that other time.

Kenzie went on into the house, sighing with relief from the heat. Here in the back hallway, there was no sound but the cool drift of a grandfather clock; in its face were the moon, sun and stars, and the likenesses of three women, one young, one of middle age, and one ancient; between them drifted gossamer threads in shining gold and blue. The triple-faced goddess. Her. And Time, which she created after we’d found our love; after we were the first true Soulmates. And now, everlasting.

Kenzie looked up as she heard soft music begin to drift down from the office at the end of the hall; River had put something on while she was working.

I’ll be seeing you, in all the old familiar places....that this heart of mine embraces...all day through...

The light was beginning to fall lower over the hall and the oaken staircase above the clock; evening was coming, and that meant Duncan would be home soon. Kenzie’s eyes drifted up to the end of the hallway beside the door to the office; a huge painting hung there, one that still took her breath away every time she saw it. It’s us, she thought, smiling, tears gathering in the corners of her vision. In the painting of them, commissioned over a year ago after their wedding, Duncan stood with his hand nestled gently at her shoulder; he wore a long black coat that dipped down over his chest at an angle, his curls on his forehead, his blue eyes piercing out towards the onlooker. Kenzie sat in a gold, gilded chair, her expression calm and discerning; the artist, who was known for his comparisons to Sargent, had painted her eyes with an ethereal golden glow, her honey-chestnut hair around her shoulders. Her dress was blush and rosy; flowers drifted through its tulle folds around her feet and the floor. Her hand was lifted around Duncan’s fingers, and her moonstone and diamond wedding band glinted there, painted to a lifelike perfection. The Young Royals, the artist had named it; anyone who beheld it regarded it with a sense of awe, often staring at it for a long while, seeming to lose themselves in their eyes, its calming aura.

In that small cafe, the park across the way…

Kenzie was reminded of taking Duncan to Emissary that morning two years ago; the softness of him as he pulled her against him on her constellation coverlet. She thought of how he’d kissed her with such abandon in front of One Franklin Square; in front of a crowd, and she smiled, blushing at the memory. We didn’t care at all.

I’ll be seeing you, in every lovely summer’s day, in everything that’s light and gay, I’ll always think of you that way…

The oak circle, she thought, clutching her hands around her waist--overcome, suddenly, in the drift of memory. That first time at the beach house. The Gala. That night at Le Diplomate, when my heart felt about to burst, his lips on my cheek. The first time I saw The Youth of Bacchus, the first time I saw him, in the roses, on that balcony. And I felt Her; I felt the hand of Fate. Rosemary. The knowledge of our destiny, our past, our future, our task. And we’ve begun to accomplish everything. Despite that other world, or our other selves, or our other fates in those other places; in this world we’re together, and we’ve accomplished wonders, and we’ll do more wonders still. It’s the love between us that did that. It’s the love between us that will go on and spread over this whole world--it’s love that heals everything.

She heard his footsteps on the pathway outside before she saw him; sensed him, drifting stormy blue. The door behind her opened; she turned and fell into Duncan’s arms, the jasmine and cedar of him causing the tears to fall from her eyes now, her mouth leaning up into his.

“Hey, baby,” he whispered into her lips. Here I am. Home with you.

I’ll find you in the morning sun, and when the night is new

I’ll be looking at the moon, but I’ll be seeing you

The light continued to fade over the painting at the end of the hall; if Kenzie and Duncan had been paying attention to it, they would have noticed the glowing, ethereal quality of the eyes of their likenesses in it, the way the gold and blue of them seemed to shimmer and pulse as they often did in the evening; they would have noticed how ethereal, incomprehensible wings seemed to shimmer behind their likenesses, how their painted clothing seemed to shift into impossible geometries; but they were too mesmerized with each other, too wrapped up in each other’s arms; there was nothing in this moment but the two of them. As it ever was.

I’ll be looking at the moon, but I’ll be seeing you

Evening came on the garden house.

[brokemultidotexe]

Unexpected Pt.14

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Summary: You never expected your trip to Seoul to end up like it does. You didn’t expect to step off the plane and have coffee pour down your shirt. You also didn’t expect the guy to offer to show you around the city. You notice things about him that don’t quite make sense, like how he shows interest but will only see you when he has the time which is at random hours during the day and night. Who knew your only friend in Seoul would turn out to be an international star and just how difficult things could get.

Word Count: 4k

Warning: None

Genre: Romance/Friendship

Part: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 6.5 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 10.5 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 14.5 |

You looked at the building and then back at your phone making sure that you had the correct place. JK had begged you to come to one of their tapings of some weekly series they did. He had sent you the address and you had given it to the Uber driver, but now you were second guessing the address since you were standing in front of something that looked almost like a small warehouse. You pulled out your phone and decided that calling him would be the better option before letting the driver leave. You put up a finger to ask him for a second and you dialed JK’s number.

“Hello beautiful, are you here?”

Your face flushed, “Umm. I think so? Does it look almost like a warehouse?”

“Yup! I’ll meet you at the big red door to let you in.” he hung up and you put your phone away and gave the driver a thumbs up and he pulled away leaving you there and hoping that JK was telling the truth and you were in the right spot. You saw a door open on the side of the building and a mop of brown hair appeared around the side of the door. He waved you over signaling you to follow him inside.

Once you got to the door he wrapped an arm around you and pulled you into a hug and dropping a quick kiss on the top of your head. It seemed to be a normal occurrence now, so you didn’t become as flustered like you did in the beginning. But there was no denying that it still made your heart race. You’d really fucked up the whole ‘don’t catch feelings’ thing, but you really didn’t care because as long as he was in your life you were happy. He put his hand on your lower back and ushered you through a hallway and you walked up into a huge area painted in blinding white. Whoever designed for Big Hit had a thing for white.

“So what exactly is all of this? You were pretty vague when I asked questions.” you glanced up at him and he shot you a cute smile.

“I didn’t really have specifics, but basically we get together every week to film a small webisode for our fans. Each week we do something different and since this will take up a majority of my day, I wanted to see you. Since I can bring you with me to some things I decided to take advantage of it.” You shook your head smiling. It had only been yesterday that you had met with Bang PD and JK was given the okay on letting you come around to things. JK, like always, didn’t waste any time.

“So you’re dressed up….why?”

He shrugged, “They hand me clothes and I put them on, I don’t really ask questions. They do a pretty good job at making us look good.” he leaned in to whisper in your ear, “but on occasion they put us in really weird shit and we have to shut up and deal with it.”

“Well you look good,” you blushed when you saw Jimin walk up beside JK.

“What about me? Do I not look good?” he gave you a teasing smile.

“You all look good Jimin.” you laughed.

All of them were dressed in dress pants and a button down while some had ties JK had a bowtie. You could say with complete confidence that they looked really good. You wanted to find the stylists and thank her on behalf of all of their fans because...damn.

“But I look the best right?” he put his arm around JK and looked at him and then looked to you.

“Isn’t that like choosing a favorite child?”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He patted JK roughly on the back and JK elbowed him in the stomach causing him to grunt in pain but still laugh. “Glad you’re here Y/N, he can stop complaining now.” he quipped before walking off.

You raised an eyebrow at him and moved your gaze to JK, “I saw you yesterday.” you bit your lip to keep from laughing.

“Your point?” he asked shamelessly. You shook your head at him but couldn’t help but smile, “but really...i look better than all of them, right?” you rolled your eyes.

“Yes JK, you look the best. I’m pretty sure most of the fans will have fantasies about you after watching today’s episode.” your face flushed crimson when you realized what you said.

“Oh really? I must ask...are you a fan?” he was smirking and the urge to cover your face and curl into a ball was prevalent as he stepped closer to you.

“All members need to come to the floor so we can start shooting.” you heard someone say through what sounded like a megaphone.

“Duty calls.” you said in relief of not having to continue that conversation.

He grabbed your hand and brought you towards the area where the camera’s were set up. Someone walked over and did a quick fix of his hair and touched up his makeup. “I set up a chair over there if you wanna sit, but stay out of trouble and don’t wander off.”

“Yes sir.” you said mockingly. His eyebrows shot up in surprise and you realized exactly what you said and realized that he would take it in a sexual manner. His dirty mind was in overdrive lately. “Sorry guess it’s the power of you in a suit.”

He cleared his throat and avoided eye contact. He placed a quick kiss on your head and pointed towards the seat. You smirked knowing that you’d made him flustered. It was nice to be the one causing it instead of being the one doing it. You walked to the chair and sat down. You watched the guys as they all stood there around a small tables with cups of water. The producer told everyone to be quiet and explained the premise of the episode. They would be doing different things but the first would be holding water in their mouth while the others tried to get the person to spit out the water. He made sure to comment that almost everything was fair game within reason.

Jungkook went first so he sat in the chair and filled his mouth with water. All the boys seemed to be very excited to be able to torture their maknae. The boys tried everything to get him to spit out the water, they tried tickling him and even tried pulling him off the chair. By the end of it the producer called it and JK looked accomplished. Jimin was pointing at you and saying something to the director but you couldn’t quite hear it. Jimin started waving you over and you noticed the camera’s stopped rolling. You were confused but walked over to the group anyways.

“Y/N, do you think you could make Jungkookie spit out the water?”

“Ummm….what?”

“Well we all tried and we’ve made a wager. Jungkookie has agreed that if he spits out the water at whatever you try he has to take a punishment. He doesn’t think you’ll be able to, but the rest of us disagree.”

“Hmmm...what's the punishment?” You couldn’t help but be intrigued, you knew the both of you were competitive. JK was more competitive than you but you felt pretty confident that you could make him spit out the water.

“The hyungs have decided that if he loses, he has to come clean on some song writing.” JK’s semi cocky demeanor changed at the mention of their punishment. He was glaring at them but none of them paid it any attention.

You’d been asking him about the new album and all he would tell you is that they were finishing it up and that he helped write some of the songs. So you agreed, “Sure. I’ll try.”

JK looked at you determined and you could feel the competitiveness radiating around him. “So you don’t think I can make you spit it out?” He shook his head and you walked around to the back of the chair and rested your arm on his shoulder as you leaned down, “Are you sure?”

JK nodded and you smirked to yourself thinking back to a bit ago on what got him flustered. You bit your lip and cupped your hand and put your mouth by his ear so only the two of you would be able to hear what you were about to say, “Based off our conversation earlier, do you like it when I call you sir?” you felt your cheeks flush a little bit.

JK spit out the water and started coughing and you couldn’t help but feel a little accomplished at being able to do something his hyungs couldn’t. The other members were laughing while Jimin and Tae were hanging on each other they were laughing so hard while the others were clapping while they continued to laugh.

You bent down beside JK since he was still coughing, “Are you okay?” you were genuinely worried.

“You’re evil.” he was able to get out between coughing fits.

“I have to know what she said.” Hobi called out from beside the two of you.

“No you don’t.” JK was able to catch his breath as his coughing fits came to an end.

“Oh yes we do.” Tae said once he was able to stop laughing.

“You lost within seconds, I really need to know.” Jimin said as he was bent down beside you with his elbow resting on your shoulder.

JK didn’t answer them he just got out of the chair and walked away and grabbed a paper towel and started cleaning off what water did get on him. You chewed on your lip thinking maybe you’d gone too far and pissed him off. “He’s fine, don’t worry. He’ll thank us later.” Yoongi said softly from behind you. You turned to look at him, “whatever you said, I can assure you he’s not mad at you.” It took you off guard hearing him talk like that. You hadn’t had much interaction with him and he seemed a little distant so you thought maybe he wasn’t that accepting of the idea. Maybe you misread him and he’s not like that at all.

You felt a warm hand against your lower back and looked over to see JK standing beside you. Yoongi apparently felt like that was his cue to leave so he gave you a quick smile and turned to go to the others. You turned fully to face JK, “I’m so sorry if that was too far. I wasn’t really thinking about everyone else being around. I didn’t even think I could get you to s--”

He grabbed your face and you abruptly stopped talking, “I’m not mad.” he dropped his hands now that he had your attention. “I just wasn’t expecting you to say something like that. I have to do the penalty and I wish the hyungs would stop meddling, but I'm not mad. I could never be mad at you.” You wrapped your arms around his middle and he gave you a tight hug before letting go. “But I do need to get back to shooting, everyone’s waiting on me.”

You nodded and he completely dropped his hold on you and you walked back to your seat. You watched the rest of filming and when they boys did get breaks JK would come over to talk to you and most of the guys followed and you would all talk until they were called to start filming again. You enjoyed watching it and sometimes your stomach hurt from laughing so hard, and the fact that you had to try and keep yourself from making any noise made it hurt even more. The producer yelled cut and that they were done filming for the day. Everyone clapped and even though the boys were rushing to leave they still made sure to be polite and bow to everyone who bowed to them.

JK walked out from the room they had off to the side after changing and he was dressed in jeans a black shirt and a beanie…the beanie that you bought him. The other members followed behind him and he smiled at you when he got closer. “So my schedules are done until tomorrow, wanna go to the river with me?”

It was now dark out and the temperature outside was probably a little cooler than before and you weren’t wearing a heavy jacket since you knew you’d be inside. “I didn’t bring a thicker jacket.”

“It’s okay, I’m pretty sure I have another hoodie in my managers car.” You nodded and said okay as the others walked up beside him.

“We’re headed back to the dorms...well most of us. Yoongi is headed to his studio.” Jimin looked at you, “It was fun having you here Y/N, I can truly say that things have gotten better with you around.”

You fought a blush that was trying to creep up, “Thanks.”

Jimin turned to JK, “We expect a report from your punishment.” JK didn’t say anything he just closed his eyes and took a deep breath before nodding.

Everyone left leaving you and JK standing there, “Ready to go?” he asked.

You nodded and he put his arm around you and the two of you headed to his managers car. JK handed you the hoodie that was in his managers car. You slipped off the light jacket you had and pulled the hoodie over your head. It was a little big on you but not by much. JK’s eyes lingered before requesting an Uber. He slipped his mask on and you felt a sense of  nostalgia. He had taken you to the river the first night you met him. It was crazy to think that was months ago and everything that had happened since then.

The two of you stood outside and he stood behind you with his arms wrapped around your shoulders and his chin resting on your head. “You really are the perfect height. I don’t even have to hold my head up, you can do it for me.”

You stepped away quickly causing his head to dip down in surprise. You smirked and he just grabbed the sleeve of the hoodie and pulled you back to his chest and rested his chin on your head again, “see, perfect.” he gave you a light squeeze and you couldn’t help but lean back into him.

The Uber picked the both of you up and took you to the Han River. You tried to convince JK to let you pay half the fare but he laughed you off and just grabbed your arm pulling you to him because you weren’t watching where you were talking and almost walked into someone. You sighed at his stubbornness. “I’m capable of helping JK, you don’t have to pay for everything. I’m not expecting you to start paying for everything because of your status.”

He stopped walking and pulled you from the walkway so the two of you weren’t blocking it. “First off, I don’t think you do. I’m doing it because I can and because I want to. So stop being so sensitive about me thinking that you’re using me, because I know you aren’t.”

You huffed, “Of course I'm sensitive about it. I don’t want you ever thinking that because it’s not like that.”

“I know.” he put both hands on your shoulders so you would look directly at him, “You almost completely cut me out because of who I am and what I do. If that doesn’t scream ‘I’m not using you’ then I don’t know what does.” you nodded mutely. “Come on.”

He put his arm around you and the two of you walked along the river. You pulled the hood up because of the light breeze and JK pulled you closer trying to keep you warm. You walked in a comfortable silence, although JK did seem to be more fidgety than normal. You put your hand over his because he kept messing with the fabric on your shoulder, “Hey. You okay?”

He nodded, “Let’s take a seat up here.” he nodded towards a secluded area, the same area from the first night. You had no idea what was going on but you said okay and the two of you took a seat away from the few people that were actually there. He pulled up his hood and looked at you for a moment before saying anything.

“So the penalty from today was to talk to you about songs I've written, well more specifically a certain song.” he let the statement hang there.

“Okay?” you weren’t sure if he was waiting for you to say something or if he got lost in thought.

“We’ve talked about a lot of things, but I'm still very guarded about some things and I don’t want to be. When I have problems saying something I normally write lyrics. I find that I do this a lot when it comes to you because I have so many things I want to say that are difficult for me. I suck at conveying my feelings just like I suck at talking about them. I don’t normally have that problem with you but there are some things that are just hard to put into words or I'm not ready to talk about them yet and writing lyrics helps me with that. Who I was before you is different than who I am now.”

You didn’t take your eyes off him because you knew that whatever this was about had him nervous and he was opening up in a different way than he normally did with you. The two of you spent many nights talking until the early hours of the next morning and just when you think you know everything you could about JK he surprises you with something new.

“When I came to Seoul I was young and I knew what I wanted to do. So I worked really hard, I was constantly at the studio practicing or squeezing in voice lessons when I could. My love for music and performing kept me going for the longest time, but that was all I ever did. That first night we met you broke me out of my constant cycle. My plan was to go to practice and then practice for a few more hours after everyone else left. But for some reason, this girl I had just met made me want to break this cycle I had been in for so long. Each time I hung out with you I wanted to hang out with you again and for even longer.”

JK took a deep breath and continued, “You interrupted a cycle that people saw from me for years. I slowed down some, I wasn’t spending all of my time at the studio. Instead I would go see you and even though we couldn’t really go out and do things that much it was still the highlight of my day every time I saw you. When you live with the same guys for as long as we’ve lived together they notice things and my demeanor changed. When I finally took the mask off and was able to share more of myself with you it was so overwhelming and things only got better. You were the one thing I looked forward to. Performances used to be the one thing I looked forward to, and I still do look forward to them but not like I how I look forward to time with you.”

You felt your cheeks heat up but you didn’t want to interrupt anything so you didn’t move, you let your cheeks redden and continued to listen, “Before you found out about who I was I was sitting in my room one night after hanging out with you and started thinking back to how things were before you. I was on autopilot and almost like I was dead inside, I became so focused on my goals that I never let myself be distracted and it came to be a very isolating lifestyle. You changed that, suddenly it would feel so lonely when you weren’t around. It always felt wrong when I didn’t see you for that day. You saved me from so many things and I didn’t know how to say it, so I wrote it. I wrote the lyrics to ‘Save Me’.” It took a minute for your brain to catch up to the last bit of what he said. The song that you loved so much, was written about you. You were trying to make sense of it all. “And since my hyung’s like to meddle they’d been pushing me to tell you for awhile.”

“Wow…” you were speechless, which didn’t happen often. “I’m not really sure what to say.” you felt yourself getting emotional for a lot of different reasons. This was the most open he’d ever been with you. Knowing the lyrics of the song and hearing that it was about you made you chest ache, but in a good way. You couldn’t really form words so you just wrapped your arms around him and he pulled you closely before laying back and taking you with him. You both laid there in silence and you could hear his heart hammering in his chest. You knew he was probably dying for you to say something.

You bit your lip and closed your eyes, “You changed a lot of things for me. I didn’t really expect much in coming here. I thought that I would experience Seoul and probably go back home in a month, but here I am months later and I'm still not sure when I'll go back. When we started hanging out more I became hesitant because I was becoming so close with someone that would end up oceans away when I went back home. But even with that being said, I didn’t like not seeing you. It came to the point that the apartment felt weird if you weren’t there, even when you’d only visit a few hours and then leave. You’ve become this staple in my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything. When making decisions or plans, you come to mind. Whether it's deciding what to get from the grocery store, to if I want to go to a movie with Jackson or not because you’ll be free in a few hours. Jackson even knows he takes a back seat to you, and it feels awful to agree with it, but it’s true and it’s been that way for awhile. When I found out who you were a large part of me needing time was trying to figure out how I would fit into your life like that. Suddenly it wasn’t just me and you, I was sharing you with a whole fandom and it freaked me out. I know your fans mean everything to you and what if somehow they found out about us being friends and they didn’t like it, would you drop me? I--”

“No.” he cut you off. “I wouldn't drop you. Yes I love my fans, but I would hope that they would take my happiness into consideration and see that you make me happy.”

AN: Welp, there it is. It’s weird using a GIF as the header image since I’ve only used images until now. But i figured if someone hasn’t seen the run episode then this will give them a better idea. Save Me lyrics can be found here and I hope everyone thought this chapter was worth the wait. This kind of gives an idea to where both of their heads are at, but a JK POV is probably coming up soon i’m just not sure where i want to place it yet. I’ve got the rest of the story mapped out and there are only 11 chapters left before this sucker is done. Still up in the air on the trilogy thing so I’ve written two endings (yes the endings are already written lol). Anyways, hope you enjoyed! To all who reblogged the last chapter I thank you. Much love to:

jungkooksstarryeyes

panda-luminary

busansidehoe

*requests are OPEN*

[purplesurveys]

1028

survey by lets-make-surveys

1 - What was the last thing you watched on TV? The last TV show I watched was Friends, but the last thing I saw on TV was the evening news, as is always our companion when having dinner.

2 - Do you have the heating or air conditioning on at the moment? I have the fan on, like always. I just turn on the aircon in the evening because I want to be comfortable after a long day and when trying to fall asleep.

3 - When was the last time you did something to help someone else? Andi was having a dilemma about an already-secure job offer for a position they don’t 100% like vs. a job they know they would enjoy a lot more but isn’t guaranteed at all. I helped weigh out the pros and cons with them, but I didn’t necessarily stick to a position as I didn’t want to dictate a choice for them.

4 - If you have a job, have you been busier or quieter since the whole COVID thing hit? I was a student, then was unemployed, then got hired throughout this COVID fiasco so far. For the first two, life had been quiet for me and I really hated feeling like having no contribution at home. My plate is definitely a lot fuller now and I’m glad I have things to do and earn for myself while doing so.

5 - Do you spend more time on your own or with others? Are you happy with that? On my own. I think it’s best for me at the moment.

6 - Do you know anyone who has been diagnosed with autism? Yes.

7 - Have you had your wisdom teeth removed? What about your tonsils or your appendix? None of these. I’ve had a tooth removed, but it wasn’t a wisdom tooth.

8 - Are you scared of needles? Very. I hate most sharp things, and I am an embarrassment whenever I’m at the hospital and need to be pricked with something.

9 - Do you dress more for comfort, fashion or practicality? I try to strike a balance between comfort and fashion, but sometimes I’ll prioritize comfort and sometimes I’ll prioritize fashion. But practicality is definitely barely in my criteria when picking outfits.

10 - When was the last time you smoked a cigarette? I think it may have been February. I only smoke with other people and I’ve never bought my own pack.

11 - Would you rather drink tea, coffee, hot chocolate or water? In the grand scheme of things, water. But right now, a hot chocolate sounds heavenly.

12 - Do you have a lot of ornaments around your house? Yes. We also have our Christmas tree already up, so that has also boosted the amount of ornaments we have.

13 - Do you own more books or DVD’s? Books. While I have a number of DVDs, I never really an avid collector of them. My dad introduced me to torrent websites at a young age so that’s how I’ve been getting movies for the longest time.

14 - How often would you say you took surveys? Throughout the quarantine I had taken surveys daily. But with me now having work and usually being too exhausted by the end of the day, I think I’ll be back to taking surveys only on weekends now like how it was when I was in school. 

15 - Have you ever worn a uniform to school or work? Yes, I had to wear a uniform in my old school.

16 - Who was the first person you had a sleepover with? Are you still in touch with that person today? It would have to be either Angela or Gabie. Yes, I still talk to both.

17 - When you were growing up, did you have any friends who were almost like family to you? Katreen’s and Angela’s families were second families to me. For a time back in grade school, Katreen’s mom actually used to pick me up alongside Katreen every Friday and then I would stay at their place until around 9 PM, when my mom would get back from work and pick me up. They did such a wonderful job making me feel like family, and I hope they’re all doing well today.

18 - Could you cook an entire Christmas or Thanksgiving Dinner entirely on your own with no help from other people or recipe books? Yes but it would not be edible.

19 - Do you cook from scratch or do you rely more on ready meals or frozen food? I rely on people in my family who can actualy cook, ha.

20 - What’s your favourite type of fast food? Is it something you eat often? KFC would have to be my favorite. Those 11 herbs and spices don’t fuck around, man. It’s not the cheapest of fast food options, so I don’t get to have it a lot and it’s usually tradition for me to get KFC only when I feel like I deserve a reward for an accomplishment or after a grueling week.

21 - If you’ve been under a lockdown or stay-at-home order, what did you find the most difficult about it? Not having been able to see my friends, go out as a group, and stay out late. Also, not getting a normal college graduation and being unable to spend my last semester as a college student just being a dumb college student doing dumb college student things.

22 - Do you still buy or read any magazines? I’ll sometimes read the online versions of magazines especially if one of them comes out with a compelling article, but I don’t follow any of them religiously.

23 - As a teenager, what did you spend most of your pocket money or allowance on? I went out with friends on the weekends, so my savings mostly went to food and Uber (back when we still had Uber, and back when none of us could drive yet).

24 - Do you have much of a sweet tooth? I have my moods for sure, but I love savory a lot more.

25 - Are there any common “popular” foods that you don’t particularly like yourself? Have people ever told you you’re odd/strange for disliking that particular food? Fruits. I get judged for it all the time, but I honestly live for the reactions hahaha. To this day it’s still my go-to fact to say whenever I have to share something about myself. There’s also sinigang, but that is such a universally-loved food and is such a huge source of pride for Filipinos that I just keep it to myself because people get genuinely annoyed/offended when they hear that I don’t like sinigang LOL

26 - Likewise, are there are any commonly hated foods that you love? BALUT

27 - Would you rather eat pizza or pasta? Pizza. Easy.

28 - Do you own a lot of store loyalty cards? I just have the one for my gas station, so no.

29 - When was the last time you read a newspaper? I had to view a newspaper article for work yesterday, but I have not read a full newspaper in years.

30 - What kind of noises can you hear around you right now? There’s the fan in my room and construction outside our house.

--

survey by lets-make-surveys

1 - Do you have a car? How long have you had it and how much did it cost? Yeah but it’s technically not mine; my parents made the purchase and they gave it to me as a high school graduation present. They’re also the ones who take care of and pay for its maintenance, like taking it to oil changes; so literally my only contribution has been to drive it HAHAHA. I’ve been driving it since 2016 and I’m pretty sure it cost them less than a million bucks. It was probably around P800,000–900,000.

2 - Who was the last person to send you a message on Facebook? Andi was checking up on how I’ve been. I appreciated that.

3 - What did you have for breakfast this morning? I haven’t had it yet but I will probably skip it. I might make myself coffee, though.

4 - Do you have any scented candles lit at the moment? I never have any scented candles.

5 - When was the last time you left your house? When will be the next time you go out? Yesterday afternoon. There was nothing left to do for work and my superiors hadn’t been asking me to do any tasks anymore, so I went out to get myself Starbucks before my shift was actually over, haha oops. I might be going out next Tuesday to pick up my new card from the bank.

6 - Does anyone in real life follow your survey blog? If so, does it make you think twice about some of your answers? If not, are you ever paranoid that someone will find your blog and read your answers? No. My sister has been wanting to make a survey blog but she just never got around to making it because she thinks she’ll end up being inactive; but that’s about it on the irl people front. If she ever makes one, I’d prefer we didn’t follow one another as doing so would make things awkward.

7 - When was the last time someone stopped talking to you? Have you made up with that person since? Gabie doesn’t speak with me regularly anymore. We’re not on bad terms so there’s nothing to make up, but she has told me it’s out of shame that she doesn’t initiate conversations with me these days. 

8 - Who was the last person you argued or bickered with? I haven’t had an argument with anyone in a while.

9 - Do you have anything planned for the rest of the day? If you’re about to go to bed, what are your plans for tomorrow? Catch up on surveys as I haven’t done them all week, anddddd figure out what to do with my embroidery kit as I’ve run out of the provided thread :(

10 - Did you have any e-mails in your inbox the last time you checked? It’s the weekend so no, I haven’t received anything new.

11 - What time did you wake up this morning? Did you have to set an alarm or did you wake up naturally? It was 7:08 AM when I had checked. I just woke up naturally.

12 - When was the last time it snowed where you live? Probably when it was still a part of Pangaea or something. We don’t get snow on this side of the world and the nearest place that does is probably like South Korea, which is not near us at all.

13 - Does it bother you if you’re wearing odd socks? Like, mismatched ones? No, I find it cute actually.

14 - Is there anything small that bothers you way more than it should? Right now. I had sent out an event invite to certain media last Thursday for work, and one of them replied only by 6 PM last night. I only saw it by 9:30 and replied, then she got back with a question by around 9:50 PM, and at that point I decided against replying because it was already nearing 10 PM and I didn’t want to be rude. I want to reply today but it’s the weekend and I don’t wanna be the jerk that brings up work on the weekend, but I also don’t want to leave her hanging because I had technically cut our conversation short. 

OK I spent the next 30 minutes thinking about it and I ended up replying hahaha. It just didn’t sit well with me to blow her off for the weekend when her last message was a question for me. So I answered her for her clarification, but I just made sure to let her know there’s no pressure for her to get back to me this weekend.

15 - Would you rather read a book, watch a film or play a video game? Watch someone play a video game, tbh.

16 - Why did you last attend a doctors’ appointment? Because my fever wasn’t going away and I wanted to get rid of it so bad.

17 - Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? The person from Pizza Hut who took my order, I think? lol

18 - How many different colours have you dyed your hair over the years? is your hair your natural colour at the moment? I’ve never had it dyed, so it has always been black.

19 - Do you prefer sweet or savoury snacks? I have moods for both, but as a whole I think I’d go for savory.

20 - When was the last time you got up to use the bathroom? A couple of hours ago.

21 - Do you spend more money on shoes or clothes? I spend more often on clothes but they aren’t always necessarily expensive. I don’t buy shoes often, but when I do they’re usually quite expensive, so. I’m not sure how to answer this question, but it goes two ways for me.

22 - Are you glad that Biden won the 2020 elections? I’m glad he won but at the end of the day he’s still just the lesser evil. I won’t really know anything until I see him and his moves in office, so I’ll have to wait until then.

23 - What kind of things do you do to try and save the planet? I segregate, turn off the faucet when it isn’t being used, never turn on my bedroom light, and before Covid I’d pick up trash I’d see at the mall.

24 - Are you, or have you ever been, vegetarian or vegan? I haven’t been either but I do opt for vegan options when I see one on the menu.

25 - What was the last thing you threw in the bin/garbage? A cotton bud.

26 - How many times a week do you exercise? Do you think that’s enough or should you really be doing more? I never do. I know I should probably do so, but eh.

27 - When was the last time you had to cancel or re-arrange plans you'd made? What was the reason behind it? LOL well...I’m currently having to rearrange and revise and adjust my entire life plans because of this stupid breakup.

28 - Have you ever had to wear braces? Yes. But I’ll have to avail them again because I did a terrible job keeping my retainers on.

29 - What cut of jeans do you prefer? Mom jeans that are a little more loose than skinny jeans, but aren’t too baggy.

30 - If you’re planning to spend the day at home, do you get properly dressed or just wear pyjamas? I wear my usual getup of a t-shirt/tank top and shorts.

--

survey by lets-make-surveys

1 - What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? It was an argument with the entire family, sans my sister who stayed silently watching during the whole thing as she hates conflict. We had just flown back to Manila from a vacation and we were all just tired and impatient and hungry, my mom found a way to shift the blame on me as per usual, some words were exchanged, and my brother ended up slapping me and it was on hell on earth from there. Things weren’t ok for a whole week, but slowly life went back to normal without us ever acknowledging it because we’re dysfunctional as fuck. The one thing that never ended up changing is my dynamic with my brother, with whom I stopped speaking permanently after what he did.

2 - Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? A lot; my country is a big hot spot for typhoons, so we don’t really have a choice but to go through several of them every year. Sometimes it’ll get bad enough for us to make it to international news because our government doesn’t really do anything to help out victims.

3 - If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favourite thing to have? They both get human food. I’m not sure what Cooper’s favorite is as Nina primarily feeds him; but Kimi is most obsessed with chicken.

4 - Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? Just play wrestling matches with my cousin when we were kids. He always won as he was older and a lot bigger than me.

5 - What were you lighting the last time you used a lighter or matches? I don’t light stuff up on my own because I’m scared of fire, but the last time we used matches was for lighting up our emergency candles because of the power outage from last week.

6 - What’s the weather currently doing where you are? It is annoyingly humid. I had to open my windows and roll up my window blinds today, which I hate having to do because it makes neighbors able to see my room and what I’m doing here -_____- I feel like I’m giving away my privacy every time I have to have the blinds up just to have colder air in.

7 - The last time you got up from your seat, what did you go and do? Before doing this I came from bed. When I felt like doing a survey I just got up and headed to my work desk.

8 - Name five things you’ve done so far today: Received a package for something I bought online, made myself a sandwich, ate cheese-flavored corn chips, watch a half-season of Friends, and bought another embroidery kit online (I’ve been calling it ‘cross-stitch’ this whole time but apparently that is wrong, whoops). Not a very productive Saturday, but it’s honestly ok considering I’m left exhausted from the past week.

9 - What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? I drive myself.

10 - When was the last time you got caught in a rain or snow storm? Were you dressed for it or did you end up getting soaked? Start of the month. I was driving to take Cooper to the vet when it suddenly started raining super hard, but it was only upon arriving at the clinic that I realized there wasn’t any umbrella in the car. Had to make a quick dash from the car to the nearest shade, all the while keeping Cooper under my jacket so that he stayed dry. I was soaked as shit but he was kept dry, which was all that mattered.

11 - Did your favourite Disney film come out before or after you were born? I have two favorites: Toy Story came out three years before I was born, but Tangled came 12 years after my birth.

12 - Are you a fan of musicals? No, I never saw the appeal.

13 - What the last thing you spent money on apart from necessities? My favorite coffee from Starbucks. It’s a win-win situation for me at the moment: my mom is asking for a Starbucks planner for Christmas, which means all I need to do for her gift is to keep ordering coffees from there until I’ve collected enough stickers to be entitled to a planner, heheh.

14 - Are there any sequels to things that you prefer to the original? Ooh, I’m not the biggest fan of movies that come in multiple parts so I don’t know if I have any picks. I can name covers that I like than the original songs, though.

15 - How often do you lose the remote control? I haven’t really sat down in front of a TV to watch shows since high school, so I haven’t temporarily lost a remote control since then.

16 - When was the last time you had problems with your internet connection? Last Thursday and Friday but only because the power went out.

17 - What games do you play on your phone, if any at all? I play 1010 the most, but I’ve got tons of other games that are just sitting in my menu just in case I’m suddenly in the mood to play them.

18 - Aside from family, who was the last person you spent time with? How do you know that person? I dunno, I guess the people in my work meeting video call yesterday afternoon? It was my first meeting with that particular team as the newbie at work, so I don’t actually know all of them that well yet.

19 - Are you currently warm, cold or just right? I am hot and irritated by it.

20 - Do you prefer showers or baths? When was the last time you had either? Showers; my last one was yesterday. My last bath was...no clue. Two years ago, maybe?

21 - Do you spend a lot of money on your appearance? I used to spend a lot on clothes, yeah, at least before Covid. But right now there really has been no point in upgrading my wardrobe, so I haven’t been buying any new pieces.

22 - When was the last time you spent more than £100 on something? Was it a necessity like a bill, or a treat for yourself? I have never spent ₱6,408 in one sitting, whether it be for myself, for a necessity, or for someone else. That’s crazy and will probably take a couple more years before I see myself making transactions that huge.

23 - Would you rather swim in the sea, a lake or a pool? Seeeeeeeea. I always feel at peace in the sea, and ugh I miss it so much.

24 - Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? I wouldn’t call it a zookeeper experience, but we went to some sort of animal park in Bali that let me carry and interact with all sorts of animals.

25 - Would you ever want the responsibility of being a politician or a similar position of power? Probably not. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it.

26 - How many times a week do you go to the grocery store? My parents go at least once a week to buy groceries.

27 - When was the last time you got a takeaway coffee or drink? Last night. Being able to earn money and spend it on myself and never have to ask from my parents anymore has been one of the highlights of my year so far, aaaahhhhh

28 - Do you quote films or TV shows as you’re watching them? If I love the film and memorize a chunk of the dialogue, yes. The movie I quote the most as I watch it is most definitely Titanic.

29 - What’s something your parents do that really annoys you? My dad doesn’t really do anything that annoys me. My mom doesn’t knock.

30 - If you had to quarantine for two weeks tomorrow due to testing positive to COVID, would you be able to survive on the things you had in your house? Yes. I’ll be locked in my room but my dad will probably be bringing me food, just the way he did when I got sick last May and had to isolate myself.

[itskrystyna]

100 Truths

Thanks to the ‘on this day’ function on Facebook, I just discovered that it’s been 7 years since I did this tag! Pretty crazy, but after reading it through I thought it would be cool to do it again at age 23 as a lottt of my answers have changed since then and are a lot more interesting.

What was your:

1. Last beverage: Water 2. Last phone call: My dad asking if everyone was home haha 3. Last text message: It was to and from Anthea, we were talking about Christmas and asked each other to name one thing that we are thankful for. 4. Last song you listened to: A double bass version of Canon in D that my brother sent me 5. Last time you cried: Like 15 minutes ago to my brother and sister. We were talking about friendships and how they change as you age, and I opened up about a friend issue that I am currently dealing with.

Have you ever:

6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: No, but as of right now I’m not completely opposed to the idea as long as certain circumstances could one day be on our side. 7. Been cheated on: Not that I know of. 8. Kissed someone & regretted it: No. I’m not particularly happy about the person I had my first kiss with, but in the moment I knew I wanted it so I don’t regret it. 9. Lost someone special: Yes 10. Been depressed: Yes 11. Been drunk and threw up: No

List 3 favourite colours

12. Green 13. Purple 14. Blue

This year have you (2017)

15. Made a new friend: Yes. Temporary friends, but friends nonetheless. 16. Fallen out of love: No. At one point I believed I did, but I’ve come to accept that ultimately I have not. 17. Laughed until you cried: Yes, I can’t remember why but it was definitely with my brother and/or sister.  18. Met someone who changed you: There was definitely someone who changed me this year, but I haven’t been changed by anyone I met this year. 19. Found out who your true friends were: I am still learning, but I know there is at least one who will stick by me till the end.  20. Found out someone was talking about you: Not in the larger sense 21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: Yes, two 22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Most of them except for some family in the Philippines and a couple of online friends and people I met in online communities 23. How many kids do you want?: Ideally 2, a boy and a girl, but I’d try for a third if the first two are the same sex. 24. Do you have any pets?: No 25. Do you want to change your name: No 26. What did you do for your last birthday?:��Stayed home. I’ll admit I was kind of in a bad mood on my birthday last week. 27. What time did you wake up today?: 12pm lol my brother woke me up before leaving home 28. What were you doing at midnight last night?: Watching youtube videos in my room till about 3am... I was in a bad head space last night, but I switched to studying a bit of Chinese before bed in attempt to counteract the unproductivity. 29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: I literally cannot wait for this year to end and to go back to school man, no one understands. 30. Last time you saw your Mother: About half an hour ago to say goodnight before she went to sleep 31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: I am very grateful for everything I’ve been through since it’s all taught me very valuable life lessons and I would not be the person I am today otherwise, but I guess I just wish that I could have learned a few lessons sooner so I could be ahead in certain aspects of my life and not feel like I’m behind everyone else. I know that life is not a race and that everyone learns and accomplishes things at their own pace, but it’s impossible not to feel that way sometimes although I am working on accepting that all I can do now is look forward, plan for the future and enjoy every moment as best as I can.  32. What are you listening to right now: Some gentle harp music coming from my brother’s laptop. He’s working in my room right now and I let him play whatever he wants :P 34. Who is getting on your nerves now: At this moment nobody! But I suppose you can say that a situation with a friend is really bothering me right now. 36. Whats your real name: Krystyna Kobos 37. Nicknames: Krabs, Tyna, and Ate (if that’s even considered a nickname rather than a title of respect) 39. Zodiac sign: Scorpio sun, Aquarius moon, Virgo rising 40. Male or female?: Female 41. Primary School?: St. Leo 42. Secondary School?: Father John Redmond 43. High school/college?: Ryerson University, YorkU for 3 weeks, and Humber College starting in January! 44. Hair color: Brown 45. Long or short: Medium-ish on the longer side 46. Height: 5′4 47. Do you have a crush on someone? Not crushing, but still in recovery from a heartbreak  48: What do you like about yourself?: I made a list of things I love about myself in my ‘wreck this journal’ type book a few days ago! But one physical thing I like about myself is my big eyes, and one non-physical thing I like is my emotional self awareness and that I allow myself to feel. 49. Piercings: Ears 50: Tattoos: Most probably never 51. Righty or Lefty: Righty

First:

52. First surgery: None 53. First piercing: Ears 54. First best friend: Alyssa in junior kindergarten although I barely remember her, so I will say Jodi in SK. And even though we don’t communicate regularly anymore we still keep in touch and see each other from time to time. 55. First sport you joined: None, although I remember in second or third grade there was a girls soccer tryout meeting at recess and every girl in my grade went for some reason, so I joined them because I didn’t want to be outside alone with all the boys. I never went to another sports meeting after that.  56. First vacation: Philippines 2011! 57. First pair of trainers: Like, shoes? I don’t know lol 

Right Now:

58. Eating: Nothing 59. Drinking: I took a sip of water after reading this question 60. I'm about to: Answer the next question and I need to go to bed soon 61. Listening to: Still the harp music coming from my brother’s laptop 62. Waiting for: SCHOOL TO START. Also Christmas. 63. I'm feeling: Relaxed and reflective. I’m in good spirits tonight. 

Your Future:

64. Want kids?: Yes 65. Get married?: Yes 66. Career: Yikes, well I recently made the huge decision to drop out of teachers college. Once I go back to school in January I will be on my way to becoming a mental health counselor, and to be completely honest I feel so much more excited to continue education for this reason than I ever did before.   67. Lips or eyes: Eyes 68. Hugs or kisses: Both, although I am not much of a hugger in my everyday life with friends/family and I really enjoy kisses with a significant other. But tender hugs are wonderful too. 69. Shorter or taller: Taller 70. Older or Younger: Older 71. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous romantic moments 72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms 73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive 74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

Have you ever:

75. Kissed a stranger: No, unless you count a prolonged tinder relationship in which I didn’t truly know all of the person before I kissed them 76. Drank hard Liquor: I don’t really know what defines liquor as hard but I have knocked out and fallen asleep after drinking a bit too much wine (clearly I don’t drink much) 77. Lost glasses/contacts: No 78. Sex on first date: No 79. Broken someone's heart: Yes... I absolutely hated it but I had to do it for myself.  80. Been arrested: No 81. Punched someone: Yes, my brother and Anthea 82. Cried when someone died: Yes 83. Fallen for a friend: Yes, but nothing lasting

Do you believe in:

84. Yourself: I am growing to more and more.  85. Love at first sight: I believe in a moment 86. Heaven: I’m not opposed to the idea of a heaven or an afterlife. I’m comfortable with simply not knowing until we experience our own death, even though it drives me completely insane when I think about it too much.  87. Santa Claus: No 88. Kiss on the first date: A little peck on the lips is fine by me 89. Angels: I believe that invisible spirits exist among us 90. God: I believe that there is one. I believe in the universe and that there’s a part of it inside every living thing on earth and anywhere else that life exists. 

Answer Truthfully:

91. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No 92. Did you sing today?: Maybe just a little singsong, a little humming 93. Did something illegal?: Other than illegally download music, nothing that I can think of 94. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: I would probably just go back to April of this year (2017) and face going to the doctor to take care of the rash above my lip earlier on. It sounds like such a tiny little problem but it got so out of hand that I spiraled into a depression I’ve never experienced before, and even though I’ve gotten much better since then I am still living in the consequence of it. But then again, if that didn’t happen then the sequence of events afterwards never would have happened, and even though I still wish I never had to go through all the suffering as well as the heartbreak I suffered as result of it, I probably would have not yet learned the most important lesson of my life to this date. 95. The moment you would choose to relive?: That one week in February this year. Our time together was much too short and I would do anything to experience it all over again. 96. Are you afraid of falling in love?: I would normally say no, but now I can understand why people would say yes. However I still stand by no even though I’m afraid of having my feelings this past year nullified...even though that sounds completely irrational. It know that doesn’t make sense, but it does.  97. When was the last time you lied?: Today? Yesterday? I don’t really make big lies, just little strings of white lies. 98. Are you usually late, early or right on time?:  Late D: 99. Would you give your life to save someone else's?:  Yes, if I cared about them enough 100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: Not at all. 

[ryanmeft]

Assassin’s Creed: Origins Thoughts and Stuffs

As you might know by now, possibly from me screaming so loud you could hear it where you live, the next Assassin's Creed game, Origins, was officially announced yesterday, and it looks like that year Ubi took off from the franchise was put to good use. You can find an extensive amount of detail on the game in any number of places (most notably Game Informer), but I wanted to get beyond what we saw and into the wonderful realm of speculation and analysis. Here is a mostly unorganized mix of ten thoughts, suggestions, hopes and dreams for what looks like a series-altering entry in the AC lineage. Warning: Minor spoilers if you aren’t at least past Assassin’s Creed II.

1. Let's get back to the story Yes, I'm aware there's a vocal part of Assassin's Creed's community that hates the over-arching meta-story about an ancient precursor race and Apples of Eden and whatnot. It certainly isn't perfect---and if you've made it through ACIII you know there's a fairly massive hole in the logic involved---but after two entries in which the larger story was all-but-irrelevant, I think we're ready to get back on track with something to tie the games together. Furthermore, if Ubi is set to reveal the origins of the Assassins, they need to have something epic cooked up, especially after they mostly botched the French Revolution in terms of narrative.

2. Speaking of those origins... If you delve into AC's extended fiction (and I can't blame you if you don't; it can get pretty strange), you find that both Assassins and Templars existed well before the time Origins is set in. Note the very specific wording in the tagline: "As an empire falls, a Brotherhood rises". Nowhere in the as-yet-released information does it say the Assassins didn't exist, just that they weren't yet organized. In fact, one of those statues in the headquarters in Assassin's Creed II (remember those?) explicitly identifies three Assassins active well before Origins's day, and since the game is set in the 40's BCE, that means it is in the very decade that Assassins, according to the in-game fiction, took down Julius Caesar. The death of Caesar rocked the Roman world of the time in many ways, and it seems unlikely it won't be essential to the game's story...especially since we know said story involves the rise and reign of Cleopatra VII.

3. About those Templars... If the story is going to get into the origins of the Assassins, it seems likely we'll also get an early look at the formations of the modern Templars. Throughout the games, the upper hand in any one era and area has shifted between the two groups, but the Templars have generally had the upper hand. They're usually depicted as having their fingers in every pie, and empire, on the planet, like the Illuminati meets the mafia. It would be fascinating to see a time when both groups were in their formative years, and the Templars not quite the Hydra-level threat they would later become. The two groups are so diametrically opposed in goals and means, in fact, that it would be a particularly devious twist to show them as more chummy in the beginning---and merely hint at what caused the massive divide as a topic for future games.

4. Life on the River The Nile may be no Caribbean Sea, but it's no stream, either. Your vision of what Ancient Egypt looked like probably involved plenty of wooden barges sailing up and down it, possibly with ruins visible along the shoreline, small villages dotted on the course, and of course the annual floods that defined life in the Egyptian desert. It would be a shame if you weren't free to explore this waterway.

5. An Already Ancient Land To most of us, Egypt's time of mattering is thousands of years past, and we just think of it as one lump of history all packed into a short time span. But the Egyptian empire had already been going strong for thousands of years by the time of Origins...in fact, the game is explicitly set in the empire's waning days. The country's past is probably as mysterious and alluring to protagonist Bayek as it is to us, and illuminating the history of his own ancestors should not just be a side activity saved for tomb raiding---it should be an integral piece of the story, especially if the First Civilization is again a major element.

6. The R Word One notable thing no one seems to be talking about is that Origins will be the first AC game to take place in a timeframe during which Christianity and Islam are not the world's dominant religious forces---in fact, they don't even exist yet. Although religion hasn't been a major or specific element in those entries, the characters and situations have often been defined by the cultural, moral and supernatural ideas that stemmed from them, if only in the sense that they were breaking away from them. At the time in which Origins is set, however, religion is still a matter more of regional practices than national or global ones, with multiple pantheons full of multiple gods being specific to Rome, Egypt and a whole lot of smaller places. Could the characters in these times being more pantheistic actually mean they have a greater knowledge of the First Civilization, possibly identifying them with their gods? And of course, the big question: set less than a century before the Crucifixtion, will Origins or the games that potentially follow it work the rise of Christianity into the narrative? The potential, both for fascinating narrative developments and for pissing lots of people off, would be huge.

7. What about the Jews? I'm addressing this separately from the other two Abrahamic religions because the Jews had transcended a faith alone to become a recognizable culture well before Christianity and Islam showed up. If Ubi wants to do the period up right, they can't possibly ignore them. Though the rebellions of the Jews in the Roman empire wouldn't happen for decades yet, the uneasy co-existence of the two---monotheists and polytheists living side-by-side in conquered provinces---must have been felt by both. How much this touched Egypt at the time is hard to say, but if you go by the Jews' own accounts, they had quite the sordid and complicated history with the country in its own right. I don't usually get political, but with the growing number of Nazi-lite "movements" around the world, showing the Jews as a fully formed and individual, thriving culture in their game would also be a great middle finger from Ubi to a bunch of racist jerks.

8. About Bayek's Age It's not going to mean a lot to you if you're under 25, but if you started playing AC when it first came out and you were at least 18 (and shame on your parents if you weren't), you're at least 28 now and you may have started to notice that main characters in games are almost all kids, and those that aren't generally act like they are. That's why Ubi making Bayek in his mid-thirties, with a position in life to match, is a big deal. People are more active at higher ages than ever before, but protagonists in games rarely crack their early twenties, and hopefully Bayek will be a change from that. Or his age could turn out to be a meaningless number. We'll see.

9. The Most Varied AC World Yet? A look at the gameplay trailer shows deltas teeming with reeds and (shudder) crocodiles, glistening cities of white stones, palaces built into hills, and oases in vast deserts. With Unity and Syndicate being based almost entirely in a single huge city apiece, the wide open world is a welcome return. Hopefully, it is as packed with hidden secrets and things to do as II's Italy and BF's Caribbean were.

10. The Seven Wonders of the World Another historical thing possibly overlooked by fans in their excitement: at the time of Origins, six of the seven (Man-Made) Wonder of the (Ancient) World were still standing in some form. From The Hanging Gardens of Babylon to the Golden Statue of Zeus, these were some of the most gorgeous constructions the considerable minds of ancient humans could accomplish. We're obviously going to visit quite a lot of pyramids already, and very likely the Pharos Lighthouse, located as it was in Egypt, but the remaining four (and maybe even the ruins of the fifth) would make great locations for those special side missions AC's devs often like to sneak in.

Assassin’s Creed: Origins releases on video game stuff everywhere October 27th. What would you like to see in the game?

[somemilanlove]

Pop’s Strawberry Jam

Yesterday (Tuesday) was officially day 2 for me.I spent the morning getting the mundane things of the month cleared off my calendar. Paid the bills, made new “To Do” lists, cleaned up a bit & listened to my personal development. I worked for a good 2-3 hours clearing out my IG messenger & reminding myself to eat.

By 3PM I had finally showered and made my way out of the house. I set out to grab some fresh strawberries at our local supermarket. A small store in town (15 min. drive for me) that has a decent selection of what we would need to make good wholesome meals, some organic produce & and even a few “fancy” items you might find at an inner city market. Everything is usually more than slightly overpriced. The price you pay for small town living I guess.

Next thing I know it was 5:20 P.M. and we had already been in town for a few hours earlier in the day,(waiting in line at the post office) , visited the grocery store once before to pick up more Fish & mangos for the taco tuesday idea I had planned, only to realize I did not grab strawberries.  I had just come from picking Jonas (my oldest) up from his Future Problem Solvers competition at school. Apparently he had called me a few times and I ignored the call.” I never answer phone calls from numbers I do not recognize,” I reminded him. “You should have left me a voicemail.”

I’m not sure if that was an event parents could or should attend but clearly I didn’t make it if it was. We also had cub scouts meeting that night for him, so I figured I could make dinner quickly after the meeting and start my jam when they were all in bed. I rushed into the store, grabbed 2lbs, priced almost $2 more than my curbside price, some Jimmy Dean sausage & jelly jars. I had a ton of mason jars I picked up 2 years ago for a friends baby shower but had no idea where the lids were or if they were the right size. I spent more on those 3 items than I do for fresh fruit and veggies on my weekly grocery list. Clearly Joan and I still have very different lifestyles.

Coming home was chaos, in my mind at least. We had spent way too long at the cub scout meeting, where I’m sure I dropped way to many F bombs for the moms. We are planning our boys CrossOver ceremony and sharing ideas, opinions, and volunteering for what we can do. I did not grow up doing extracurriculars much less having parents involved, I also have a hard time feigning interest in things like this, keeping a fake “I have it all together & want to be here face” lately. Especially since my mantra this year is “Fuck it”. I’m betting the double shot of espresso in my coffee I had just chugged had a lot to do with my even more laid back attitude about how we should handle things.  

Amongst other things on my mind I thought it would be a good idea to have a conversation with Jonas about how he should expect to assume more responsibility over his activities and communicate more effectively with me and his father so we can all plan according to what’s going on. This did not go well at all. It left me tense and frustrated, wondering if he pretends to not get what I mean or if he just really doesn’t grasp that he is 2 years from the teenage realm and maturity is part of that.

Tacos were made, but  not by me. Demarcus had taken it upon himself to whip up some ground turkey tacos and feed the littles that were at home & my sister in law (she stays with us M-Th for nursing school). I almost gave way to a poor attitude where that goes & picked his tacos apart but I caught myself pretty quickly this time.

8 PM rolled around pretty quick, kids were showering & getting ready for bed, my weekly team call was wrapping up & I had managed to get a little more work done. I was almost ready to get started, but I didn’t. It was 10 pm pretty quickly and while everyone slowly fell asleep I worked a little more, scrolled the new Fabletics line & ordered an outfit. Not the most productive use of my time. I know. It’s something I am working to improve.

It was close to 11:30 when I finally decided I better workout get my 20 min it. So I did then I did an extra 20 since I was still hopped up on caffeine and was feeling pretty good.

I finally made it back into the kitchen close to 12:30 and started going over this recipe. Thinking as I had in the store that it was such a waste to see these beautiful strawberries turn into jam. As part of my healthier habits I have learned to appreciate how sweet fruit is on its own & although I do indulge on sweets, it’s rare that I indulge in a jam. Oh well, I made a commitment.

Washing & hulling the strawberries was no big deal. I ate the hulls as a kind of apology for what I was about to do to the entire batch of fruit. I pulled out my jars, washed & set to dry. Ingredients were pretty simple sugar, pectin (not sure what this is but I bought it) and butter. Yup, so far so good.

Canner? Jar lifter?Yeah, I don’t have those so I’m going to improvise. I’ve seen Sweet Home Alabama too many time to know that there’s another way to do this. YouTube is my best friend if you don’t already know that about me. So the next 5 min go to finding out what I have vs what I need. It took me another 30 min to find everything I had and could use to make this shit happen. It was now 2AM and I was ready to begin boiling more than just water.

I blended, stirred, boiled and sugared the strawberries just like the recipe asked. I boiled jelly jars in a huge pot I once used in an attempt for tamales (I failed btw). I used a rubber oven-mit instead of the Jar lifter to pull and fill jars, burned my thumb with wayyy to hot for your hands jam. Maybe it’s the strawberries  way of telling me how dare you turn me into Jam. Maybe I’m finally off my caffein high and getting tired.

Jars filled, tightened and placed back into the large tamale pot to boil. It was now 3 AM and I was tired. I forced myself to eat dinner, because I had totally skipped it and was just now realizing it. Sat down and watched Game of Thrones reruns as I waited for the water to come to a rolling boil. Which took forever btw!

Finally 45 min and 10 trips to the kitchen to see what the hold up was we had a rolling boil!! Yass!! 10 more min of boiling and 5 min of waiting to cool. The timers rang and I peeled my but off the Oversized lazy boy recliner I had been sitting in. Pulled every jar out carefully and placed them on a towel, where they will sit for the next 24 hours. I made note that NO ONE is to touch or move these jars for 24 hours!!

I dragged my ass to bed, closed my eyes not feeling proud, not feeling accomplished just extremely exhausted. I forced my mind to shut down bc it was still going and going random thoughts crossing my mind. Not tonight I need sleep. 

5 hours later I’m up again. I let the dogs out, offer Addison breakfast which she quickly declined with a NOPE, and checked on my jam.

All in one piece, unmoved jars, note in place. Maybe they read the note maybe no one else cared about my jam, but in this moment I felt proud and once again the word accomplished flashed in my mind.

I’m beginning to wonder if the reason all these years I’ve never felt proud of what I had done was because of my upbringing. A quick thought goes to how different my childhood was compare to my kids. I’m definitely a very different parent than I had, for the short time I had them. I love on them, discipline them, encourage them & allow them to be proud of themselves for doing things well.

I guess I’ll never know what it would have been like for me to have those things, but I can learn to own my accomplishments & allow myself to feel right along with them.

Up next, the Gravy train! 

[soysaucevictim]

Week 2.

-

Apr. 24

I stayed up till like 2PM - working that sewing project and putting everything away.

Took a few hours nap, after that... I was understandably exhausted.

After a bit of the usual - I got going with my exercise with modest but ultimately unfounded trepidation (on account of sleep stuff).

First. today’s DD. 30 cross crunches with EC. Fun and manageable despite completely disrupting my sleep habits the past few days. :,D

Second, Day 7 of BREATH. “Synchronize“. I think this is one of my favorite ones thus far. Chill practice coordinating movement with breath (technically that’s yoga as a whole - but it was easy/soothing to lock into this rhythm) - good neck/shoulder mobility work too. Very relaxing! =w=

Last, Day 7 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Did get myself pretty winded, I just gotta note that the ROM of (standard) lunges does make it hard to do them super fast. I think I ht like 4-6 reps per interval. Overall happy that it was amenable to my energy levels.

Hit the showers and spent much of the rest of the night on the usual stuff.

I went to bed late, in the red zone... but not as obscene as last night,

-

Apr. 25

I woke up after 11AM - so I could go get my first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine.

Got home, did some the usual before doing today’s exercise.

First. today’s DD. 50 side kicks with EC. This was a lot of fun as usual - since I loaded 25/25, my obliques did light up a bit too. Love me my combat exercises, man.

Second, Day 8 of BREATH. “Snuggle”. Given some sleep debt and a small energy zap from the vaccination - I’m super happy for a restorative practice day. Most meditation on breath and relaxation poses. Nice touch of ab/core work with that blossoming lotus pose. Hamstrings and quads were a little tight/stiff during the happy baby pose - so I did some free-form movement within it and it was fun - I like that one a bunch too.

Last, Day 8 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Whew, given all the upper arm involvement in this WO, I definitely looks at it with trepidation due to tender arm from the shot. But I decided to get it over with, instead of rain-checking. Did manage to get a bit winded and shaky from fatigue here and my push-ups were admittedly somewhat sloppier than usual (which are usually not fantastic form-wise).

Then I made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Chicken sausage cavatappi bolognese. A pretty tasty recipe - waited a touch too long to have really crisp zucch to work with - but it wasn’t dodgy enough to nix them today.

Did dishes and a lot of the usual for the rest of the night.

I miraculously managed to get to bed in the green zone (before 1AM). I think the vaccine, WO, and making dinner took it out of me.

-

Apr. 26

I woke up after 11AM.

Did a bit of the usual before going to a therapy appointment on the phone. Again, grateful they’re available that way given how hard it is sometimes to keep up to date on trip reservations.

Got going on today’s exercises after that.

First. tomorrow’s DD (oops). 40 single leg bridges with EC (did things 20/20). Arm’s just happy for lower body work here. Very doable work.

Second, Day 9 of BREATH. “Balance“. My calves and feet arches were a bit tighter and more easily fatigued today - so I did have to drop the Warrior IIIs a couple times work through that.I imagine with higher energy levels that the balancing part would be the greater challenge. But hey, work with where you’re at, am I right? Did enjoy the alternate nostril breathing at the start of it, too, because it really forces you to slow down the breathing considerably. It’s very relaxing (to me anyhow)!

Last, Day 9 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Arms are happy that this was essentially a leg day - squats and squat holds. Did get modestly winded and sweaty - but it was manageable. That last hold was particularly challenging, imo. But mission accomplished.

A bit more of the usual and some writing got done tonight.

I got to bed obscenely late again (not helped by getting into an extremely long/draining convo with family).

-

Apr. 27

I woke up after 3PM.

After checking on a few things, got started on today’s exercise.

First. yesterday’s DD. 50 jumping jacks with EC. Very fun and doable work.

Second, Day 10 of BREATH. “Connection“. I think my favorite moments were the gate and tree poses. Former because now I’m eager for the invitation of doing the half moon pose likely later in this program. I like the half moons and trees a bunch because they’re always so delightfully meditative! I observed I had to drop and readjust a few times on the first/left foot for tree today, but i was really in the groove for the second side (didn’t fall out of it - which hey, that’s sometimes how it be)! Mmm, so much fun! =w=

Last, Day 10 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Arm work, by then arm was considerably less sore/achy from the vaccination. Very manageable work, all told.

I did the dishes and made today’s Hello Fresh Meal - sundried tomato spaghetti. I rather enjoyed this one. Definitely overate. But tomatoes are lovely like this.

Spent the rest of the night on more dishes and the usual.

I got to bed a lil earlier than yesterday, but still obscenely late.

-

Apr. 28

I woke up around 4PM, today.

After a bit of the usual, did exercise.

First. tomorrow’s DD (okay, how?). 20 staggered push-ups with EC, I chose to alternate sides. Sloppy but good enough for my current energy levels - had to mind left lats a bit half the time - because I felt them get a bit tense.

Second, Day 11 of BREATH. “Flow“. This was pretty intense - especially when it came to the three-legged dog transitions. But it was pretty satisfying to lock breath cycles throughout the whole sequence. I also went for full plank the majority of her invitations for that. It’s kinda fun getting to a point where one can sort of guess where these sequences are going to go from learning her structural patterns.

Last, Day 11 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Got me pretty bushed by the end of it. Took being mindful a bit on how I landed on left foot throughout - but eventually got that down without too much complaint there. Split jacks are still not a personal fave - but that’s not a huge deal.

Spent rest of night on the usual stuff. I got to bed a few hours earlier than yesterday - but still in the red.

-

Apr. 29

I woke up after 3PM, pretty much immediately got to my exercise.

First. yesterday’s DD. 40 plank leg raises with EC. I alternated sides, here. For some reason Feedbro’s been screwing up the past few weeks in displaying/grouping the DDs properly. Whatever.

Second, Day 12 of BREATH. “Drop“. A fairly chill and fun practice today. Nice and low to the ground. Lots of invitation to just focus on belly breathing. I enjoyed doing the garland pose at the end there, too. Nice return to a more restorative sequence after yesterday’s relative intensity. =w=

Last, Day 12 of 1′HIIT.Level 3, 1′ rest. Ab stuff. Had phone with timer from floor. Had just a couple brain lapses and probably didn’t go quite as full-tilt for it. But this was just doable.

Spent rest of night on a lot of the usual stuff. Got to bed a few hours after yesterday - bordering on obscenely late again.

-

Apr. 30

I woke up after 1PM.

Active rest day. so all of today’s exercise was the DD. 1′ bear plank hold with EC. Definitely felt that one in the quads. Keeping the breath as even as I could, helped.

Then made today’s Hello Fresh meal. Orange chicken. Tasty to have from scratch but a lil too involved/messy for me too enjoy as much making. Largely thanks to sticking to one pan (wiping it down after making the sauce was a lil finicky + getting rid of waste fry oil.) Took a few batches to cook all the chicken up.

After some dishes, I spent rest of night chatting, listening to music... basically pulled another all-nighter working on that jar bag series some more.

[minnievirizarry]

Bad Template: How Not to Sabotage Your Outreach

Outreach is a key element in your online marketing strategy.

Influencers can help you broaden your reach exponentially with a single tweet or backlink.

Making connections, spreading influence, and maximizing your online visibility through amazing content can boost your brand quickly.

However, bad content will sabotage your hard-earned outreach efforts, eliminating any progress you made.

Here are 10 instances of bad content that will sabotage your outreach efforts and what you should do instead.

#1—Awful first sentences

You have around one-tenth of a second to make an impression. A lame first sentence will cause most to click away.

For example, Hubspot says starting an outreach email with "My name is…" or "I work for…" is not only boring and unoriginal, most people aren’t interested, frankly.

Other phrases like "Did you know…" or "I’ve been thinking…" put a reader off immediately because they don’t really want to know what you’ve been thinking about.

Awful first sentences are like a huge neon sign blinking on and off that reads "I’m trying to get something from you."

Unless, of course, you’re representing a large, internationally-known corporation, which could be a door-opener.

Instead, start your email with "[Person’s name] recommended we get in touch" or "You posted a great article on X in the Y group on LinkedIn yesterday."

The trick is to personalize the first sentence, which means you should begin your sentence with "You" rather than "I."

You’ll have a better chance of catching someone’s attention if you dive right into your message.

#2—Awful endings

Much like first sentences, ending your outreach efforts can make a difference in response rates.

The average person gets over 200 emails a day; you need a way to stand out from the crowd.

An ending can keep you top of mind for a variety of reasons—make it a good one.

Neuromarketing quoted a study that found safe-bet endings are "cheers," "kinds regards," and "best," which range from 14.5%, 13.5%, and a 7.8% increase in response rate, respectively.

But you can do better.

Your email’s closing should give context to your outreach. In particular, thankful closings prompt the best response rates:

Thanks in advance—38.3% increase

Thanks—32.6% increase

Thank you—21.9% increase

Gratitude is always good for boosting positive emotions between you and your recipient, and it sets an expectation of cooperation.

#3—Focus on benefits

Don’t focus on presenting every feature of your product. Going on ad nauseam is the swiftest way to get your email deleted.

Instead, tell them a story about how others have benefitted from using your product.

People respond to stories according to Harvard Business Review, especially stories about others just like themselves who have succeeded or overcome obstacles.

Give your reader an idea or a mental image of how you can help him and make it worth his valuable time.

You want to show how your recipient can benefit from responding to your email.

Always offer something that is equal to or more valuable than their time.

This is a great example of an outreach pitch that made me want to collaborate (even though there is a typo in the first sentence!):

#4—Average ideas or content

Build your outreach efforts on solid, fresh, and original ideas and content.

Asking someone you don’t know to share average ideas or content will never get you the outreach you need.

In fact, the person on the receiving end will likely never look at another email from you.

Take the time to be creative and original.

Put forward your best ideas or content, no matter where or who you’re targeting.

In fact, the more you create targeted content for outreach, the better your response rate.

The Daily Egg has an excellent post on how to make it so good that they can’t say no to your offer and will be inspired to share your link or article.

Perhaps the worst thing you can do is copy and paste your outreach content.

You get in trouble when you forget to remove copy targeting other influencers or target markets from your content, proving that your campaign is staged and impersonal.

You don’t want influencers to think that they’re part of a cookie-cutter outreach operation.

#5—Sloppy communications and content

Nothing makes you look more amateur than poorly-written, error-filled content.

If you can’t be bothered to take the time to edit and proofread your writing, then don’t bother sending it.

They will hit delete before they even reach the end.

You need to use an editing tool to strengthen and polish every piece of writing before you push send.

Even the best writers and editors make technical and stylistic gaffes that take their content from outstanding to mediocre.

An editing tool like ProWritingAid will capture multiple ways to improve your writing that you’re just too close to your work to catch.

#6—Divergent target markets

Let’s say, for example, you are working on an outreach campaign for a company that offers custom-made holidays.

Don’t direct your outreach efforts at a website that specialises in shoes.

While some people might like to have new shoes before leaving on holiday, most will not see a connection.

You need to find the communities that share your target market.

Make it very clear in your outreach emails how and where your communities overlap online.

The best outreach campaigns will have a well-thought-out marketing plan in advance of reaching out to influencers.

If you want a great response, show influencers how everything is laid out in front of them and the interconnections between their audience and your target market.

It will help them make their decision quicker and easier, saving time and helping to deliver awesome results.

#7—Mass emails

Sending out generic mass emails is spam, regardless of your intent.

Good outreach practices do not include the scattergun approach of sending vague emails to a lot of individuals you don’t follow or found at random.

Especially with influencers, give them credit for being able to tell that you have merely replaced the name at the top of a mass email and sent it to them.

If your business or content doesn’t mesh with the content they produce, you won’t connect or get a link back.

This is an example of an email I received this morning (I’ve blocked the names and specific websites):

They haven’t bothered to find out my name or mention anything about our product.

The example content has nothing to do with our area of expertise.

I didn’t even bother to respond.

Instead, carefully target people whose work you know and follow and who have similar interests or expertise.

Any good outreach program relies on a mutually beneficial relationship, so make sure you’re being deliberate and strategic with your outreach efforts.

Let them know what you can offer that will be beneficial to them.

To compare, I receive the email below on the same day. It’s clearly been customized specifically for me:

It’s not perfect but I will definitely reply and see if we can work together.

Personalizing your communication and including relevant links to content on an influencer’s website will help show that you are familiar with their audience and what they like to see.

#8—Too many (or not enough) options

It’s always good to give your readers choices for calls to action.

What can sabotage your efforts is giving one terse call to action or so many that they have analysis paralysis.

Go for somewhere in the middle such as a 2-3 item limit.

This avoids the hard sell of a single call to action (such as "Let me know the date that works best for a phone call").

It also avoids offering them so many alternatives that they put your email aside to think about later.

#9—Clickbait subject lines

Gimmicky subject lines that are nothing more than clickbait will sabotage not only your outreach efforts, but also any future campaigns.

For example, you may get emails with a subject line like:

"RE: ____________" where the subject leads you to believe it’s part of an earlier email thread

"Your copy is enclosed" with a link to a standard opt-in form in exchange for your personal information

An astonishing statement that doesn’t relate to the email’s content

You want to honestly and transparently grab readers’ attention.

If you think your subject lines may sabotage your outreach, send your emails to team members, peers, or colleagues first.

Get their feedback on subject lines and body content before sending out emails.

#10—Making it about social media instead of the relationship

Influencers are not in the position to simply collect a paycheck for helping out on a media campaign.

They want to create relationships with brands and people.

That’s generally how they became influencers in the first place.

So an outreach campaign with any influencer must benefit both your brand and theirs.

The only way to accomplish that is through a relationship.

The beauty of developing a relationship is that an influencer is more likely to talk about your brands in real life, beyond merely posting about it.

A relationship can drive an influencer to go above and beyond, especially if they feel a connection to what your brand stands for.

Get influencers personally invested in your vision and mission, and they’ll feel compelled to live it and promote it.

Conclusion

Remember, outreach—if it’s done thoughtfully— is beneficial to your prospects.

You are offering them something that they can use in their marketing efforts.

Think about what they would make their jobs easier and offer that.

If you follow the tips above, you will be less likely to sabotage your efforts with bad content and more likely to increase your open and conversion rates.

Lisa Lepki is the Editor of the ProWritingAid blog. A word nerd, she loves the technical elements of writing almost as much as the writing itself. Her work can be found on Writer’s Digest, bookbaby.com, The Write Life, and DIYAuthor.

The post Bad Template: How Not to Sabotage Your Outreach appeared first on NinjaOutreach.

from SM Tips By Minnie https://ninjaoutreach.com/bad-template-outreach/

[japaneseeggplant]

27/10/17

6:33 AM Tokyo time

Good morning all. I am writing this blog post in the morning, yet again, because I got home too late to write a proper post, and only had time to get my things put away, take a steam shower, and then head to bed. It’s cloudy this morning, and the birds are happily singing. I’m happy it’s cloudy- I think I feel better on cloudy days, and I like the atmosphere more. I notice I tend to feel a little happier on sunny days, but not as physically well. The sun, even minute at 60 degrees, really can take the life out of me and feel exhausted.

Yesterday was a quick day, and I wish I might have slowed down more to enjoy the day more thoroughly. I think fast-paced Japan is starting to catch up to me. I went to Kamakura yesterday, first thing in the morning. This is where the Great Buddha of Kamakura statue is... I will include pictures. I’ve been here only once before, but with Sylvia. This time I was alone, and it was different. It was a very spiritual experience, and being a big fan of those, I was thrilled to go on such a good day. It isn’t very hard to come across spiritual experiences in Japan; you need not look very far and you will see great beauty and peace in most things. 

The train ride there was shorter than the ride back! This is because I made a huge mistake, one that couldn’t be avoided, that took me back to Tachikawa (where I change stations) on a local service train. It stops. At every. Station. But anyways...

The train ride there in the morning was very peaceful. I tried my first Japanese vending machine and was very pleasantly surprised. Of course, what I got wasn’t vegan, but, when in Rome. I got what is called a “Japanese Milk Tea” which is not really milk and tea, but more a royal, deliciously brewed cold coffee with a hint of caramel and milk. I took the train to the small sea-town of Kamakura, after an hour and 31 minutes, and I had met two foreigners traveling along the way, which made me happy. They were from Brisbane, Australia, and were here on holiday. They were very kind, and sweet, gentle people. I think they were happy to have a native english speaker on the train because I helped them a few times remember when to get off for their Kamakura stop! I think... even though they and I live in separate parts of the world, it felt like home to hear my native tongue and speak it. However, Japan now feels like home to me more than any other place, so the combination of all that was very solidifying, wholesome. It almost brought me to tears. I felt complete, and sure of myself. It was a good feeling. :)

When we arrived at Kamakura station, we bid our farewells and headed out. I said goodbye rather abruptly, not only because I am very shy, but because you have to be very quick and uniform getting off the trains. I headed out, not needing much of my google maps. I cannot describe the smell and energy of Kamakura. It is a seaside tourist town, but the smell of the town is very coastal indeed, much like San Diego on a sunny day with a lower temperature. It smelled of very, very light brine, maybe more of a tinge, and the warmer air brought a touch of humidity that made the energy feel vibrant and charged. 

I prepared myself spiritually for the Great Buddha viewing. To most non-locals and Buddhists, the Great Statue is more of a tourist hot spot, and is not thought of more than that. But to me, this was very significant. I am currently still reading Old Path, White Clouds, but I am also working hard on emptying my mind of anxiety and fleeting thoughts, something I struggle with terribly. Many thoughts crossed my mind! And upon further reflection, how silly those make me feel! I would worry about only having three months to stay here, how horrid I would feel flying home, how anxious I was to do this, that, and the other thing. This was useless to me and I simply let go. It was then when the town became alive to me, rich in alien green, moss, and the faint echoing bells from a Somewhere. I was so happy, because I passed a few schools of children walking my way. This is perhaps my most joyous sight in Japan. Japanese children, when they are in elementary school, wear bright yellow fishing caps, and they hold hands cheerfully and skip down the streets in pure bliss and wonderment. The sight nearly brought me to tears; they inspired in me a lightness and tenderness that washed away my fears and doubts. Children are healing this way- they ignite an old instinct in body and mind that remind us to take care of our souls, and release worry from our mind.

When I arrived at the Great Buddha, I paid my entrance fee, cleansed my hands and soul with holy water, and entered the temple. It is suggested that before you enter you prepare yourself with reverence, so this I did. The sight of the Buddha always brings me great joy, because I think of all the peace and mindfulness that following a path of meditation has brought me. I think of the stories of the Buddha that I am reading now, and how wonderful to be there to see him in person. I cleansed myself with incense three times, then walked to the statue, clapped three times, then bowed with my hands folded palm against palm against my solar plexus. I learned to do this last time I was in Japan. It is the typical way Japanese will honor a shrine, statue, then pray to the god of their choice, and in instance, thank the Buddha. It is customary to then throw Yen into a holy box that echoes when the coins hit the inside, as an offering. 

I didn’t spend too much time here, I suppose because I simply didn’t feel the need. I knew I would be back, on a day less busy than Friday, and when it was cooler out. I headed back after purchasing some gifts (very cheap!) and I made my way back to the station. I stopped to look at the seaside market, which is HUGE, by the way! It’s one big street full of vendors and shops. I was almost leaving when I decided to take an alleyway at random. I’m overjoyed that I did, because I found the most precious gift for myself. It was a Japan East Railway Company lunchbox, in the shape and print of the trains. This, beyond anything I’ve seen so far, is the cutest thing in all of the world. It’s small, fits in the palm of your hand, and contains a bento box, which fits in the bottom. It has an open pouch at the top for extra food, which can be closed via velcro. 

I finally got home to Tachikawa two and a half hours later. Of course, this is not actual home, but the landmark most familiar to me for which I change platforms and take another train home. This is similar to arriving in Tempe after say, 8 or 9+ hours of driving in another state, and feeling “home”. I headed to a thrift shop where I stopped to check for anything new, then to a mall to get a new sweater. I’m running out of things to wear here. I packed as lightly as possible, and did quite well, but this does not bode well for a three month trip. 

After that, I went to Fussa for dinner. I no longer feel as guilty for eating at the same conveyor sushi place over and over again. It’s unbelievably cheap, very clean, very close, and most of all, familiar; the employees are starting to get to know me and that makes me feel more a part of. I tried two new terrifying foods last night. I stepped out of my comfort zone and decided to be brave; a rather rare feat for reclusive me. I sat next to an older couple, and the gentleman beside me had some strange shrimp soup with an ENTIRE shrimp, eyes and all, soaking inside. This is what I ordered first. It was not bad, to my surprise, although I did struggle to eat the giant shrimp (eyes and all). Then I had a strange dessert- a green powder-covered chewy square that you cover with black jelly. THIS was delicious, and I will order it next time I go. The night took a surprising turn for the worst, however, when an old woman with her family started to have a heart attack, or some sort of sickness. It was quite scary- the whole restaurant went quiet as the fire department arrived. This happened just after I received my check. It left me in a sort of funk, but I tried to put it out of my mind. 

My feet were aching, and I mean ACHING, by the time I arrived at my train station, so lucky for me my train was delayed by 20 minutes for maintenance. I waited on foot, then finally headed home. I must share the most joyous news... I walked home all by myself without GPS, just like in the morning! That was my first day GPS-free for walking to and from the station, which is great. I made myself memorize it, and I’m very proud and impressed with myself, because the roads are twisty and wind-y, and it is so easy to get lost in that 30 minutes. This truly is an accomplishment, and I feel more at home now than ever.

It’s 7:18 AM now.  I will get ready, dressed, then head out to Ikebukuro and Harajuku for some shopping fun. Not wanting to spend a lot of money, but I do need a mini back pack and at LEAST another sweater. So, the day should be fun.

It already is when I remember, at last, I am home.

Amanda 

[hosrosetta29-blog]

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[chippedfolks]

Here we go again

Right where should i start? hmmm Once Upon a Time.. Jk haha Well yesterday Jimmy asked if we could skype (we haven’t skyped/ seen each other in a month since last time we skyped was August 2nd) coz i was going to give me a pep talk before he starts work on the 4th of Sep. He really doesn’t know what i’ve truly been through, and how bad things are and really were but when he called too give me a pep talk before i started work it really lifted my spirits. So I wanted to surprise call him like he did too me because it was a great feeling, but oh well..i will text him on the day of his work in the morning and tell him im proud of him and i believe in him. I am soo genuinely proud of him, he has no idea. I just know no person as smart and that has a pure soul like he does will go unrecognised. I pray to all the gods and the universe that he stays blessed. I respect him and i know he is going to live a life worth telling. He’d love it if kids in school in the future could read about his accomplishments and learn about his life. If i were them, he’d be the person i would look up too.  Honestly, i was really really nervous following up too us talking, I was thinking about how it would go in my head before i went too bed last night, and what i wanted to say. Anyway so i got up today and had a bunch of things too do for my new shitty room (trying to buy things to make it looks better..don’t think it’s working!) And i said around 4 which was 6 my time we should skype i’ll be free. I actually mainly went out to the hair salon to get hair straighten (IKEA was right next to the hair salon so after to the hair salon i was like why not go). I was just looking like shit i didn’t want him to see me looking bad. I guess i tried too look decent haha, don’t know if your suppose to do that for ur ex. But maybe there’s an exception for an ex you still love. So i came home around 6 and was like i need to change my shirt i look gross, i literally tried on 8 shirts and shit and i was like fuck it.. i was like should I show some of my non-existent cleavage haha (gosh i miss our fun time) anyway i just went with the first thing i had on -.- Seriously i couldn’t wait too talk too him, i missed his voice and face soo much. I didn’t even get too properly see his tan that he has been working on all summer :( But wait for it :D..... I called him up, and fuck me he was tan like a good tan like a perfect let me eat you up looking tan. I tried to act cool, i think i did a good job. Gosh he is beautiful. The entire conversation i had to try my hardest to look away or else i would have fucked him with my eyes alone, i seriously was trying so fucking hard not too stare so much.. He wasn’t really looking at me either, more at the wall and sabrina because he was lying down. Oh well. Gave me a chance to stare! So all in all the convo was chill we made some jokes, he made fun of me a lot, it was nice, i didn’t mind. I was trying too flirt i dunno haha..maybe he was trying too (it felt like it) but i doubt it. It just felt nice inside a good tingly feeling, honestly i felt so fucking good inside. I missed talking to my true bf, he just always makes me so happy. We didn’t talk about much he sorta caught me up on the things he remembered and i’m not doing anything exciting in doha in particular so i had nothing too say..even though i always fucking managed to remember stuff i wanna talking to him about after we are done talking. I get nervous, even though i know him more than anyone i’ve ever known. I think that might change the less we talk, because everyone grows and changes as time goes by. Even in 2 months i’ve changed so much and i bet he has as well with al that he is doing :D I just hope he stay the fun loving and funny, down to earth weirdo i know him too be. There were some awks silences during our convo..guess we didn’t know what to say haha it’s cool tho, but i  still felt comfortable it was a good awkwardness. He talked about his own future and work and what he plans on doing, and obviously we aren’t together so it has nothing to do with me but it was a little crushing not going too lie. Deep down i thought he was still thinking about moving too london after a year at his current job. I’m still trying to work hard so i can go to law school in london and then apply for a job in london. Part of me wants too because i always wanted too, but a huge part of me wants too because i’d be closer too him (4 and 1/2 hours away including national express) but maybe he could move to london as well. Like we always planned. My dad said that after he is done educating me, i can do whatever the hell i want even if he means being with Jimmy, which i still do want. But Jimmy said “he’s thinking of working at his current job for 3 years”, so we’re not going to be at all together in person or even together for years and years. But after 3 years he’d definitely move on...like I don’t want to meet another guy or fuck other people, I want him and I would dead ass move too Portugal and find a job so i would be closer too him..but then i’d look crazy. We won’t be staying in touch as much, im guessing which already scares me (i don’t want him to ever leave my life!) but we aren’t together in person so its hard too love someone that’s not there. It was hard enough loving Long Distance, but we communicated all the time..all day! But yo he’s gone, he’s no longer mine. As time moved on he will crave female attention and physical attention and someone to massage his beautiful hair and kiss his soft dry lips. He wants intimacy and sex and love and i can’t give him that as much as i’d love too. And he will find that and he’ll be happy. It will hurt at least but he’ll be taken care of. How am i suppose too replace him or find a better version of him in any other man once i can longer be with him? I never wanted too let him go, he was my lottery ticket my one in a million and but i had too. I’ve not moved on yo, i still think about him. You know i always thought maybe i’m in love with the idea of Jimmy and not him so if i forget the idea in my mind i can move on, but talking too him and the way he made me feel like fuck i know exactly why i fell madly in love with him. He may just love me but not be in love with me, but i will never stop fighting to get him back until he lets me know he never wants me back in his life as his partner in crime in life or if he finds someone better. Nonetheless, i am extremely happy for him and proud that he still very much so wants to travel a lot,  and just live life. I was always holding him back because of the way i grew up, even though i would kill to join him im just stuck in an unfortunate situation. He’s still full off life and i love it. I’m able to vicariously live though the travel stories he tells me, and the more he travels the more i will feel happy :D  Oh i noticed he was still hugging sabrina the whole time we were talking, i didn’t really wanna say “hi my baby sabrina” even tho i really wanted too. I was trying so hard to be a chill friend, not his gf. We talked for a good hour and a half, but it felt like 5 mins too me. haha i still wanted too talk more. Oh he has another roommate joining him, so that will keep him busy when he gets home from work... and he can chill with francis and jony b and then go too bed without having to talk too me at annoying ass every night. He can finally get his good 8 hours of sleep. But boy do i miss those night phone calls, it was a great brief pleasure i had in life. So all in all so much has happened in both of our lives over the past 2 months and we both couldn’t remember most off it too tell each other on our skype call. It’s just so weird you go from knowing every beautiful thing (good and bad) that happens in a persons life, too not knowing anything once your not together. A part of you really does break off. I need too try harder too move on, like he has! He’s moving on too bigger better things :D which is not me, so the question is how does one force true love (on my part) too just stop?How you do stopping loving your love? It’s torture :( No tears i need too stop crying! today was a good day and he brighten up your heart and day. He was the best part of my day today, he maybe me forget about my real iife. Gosh haha i was soo happy for like an hour after talking too him, i even voice-noted sabrina and told her how happy i was. He really did/does make me purely happy, and since this summer has been so bad and low for me... just been blessed to have the hour too talking too him makes me feel like my old happy self again :) He really does bring out the best in people <3 Until i see him again. From a victim on forbidden love, and distance love.  Lots of love :D Your girl