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thanosscross · 3 days ago

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Pretty boy, part 2/?- Kwon Ji-Yong/G-Dragon x reader

Summary: With your known stalker appearing in town, Ji-Yong was quick to make sure you were okay, only for him to charm his way right into your heart, you unknowingly doing the same for him.

Warnings: Mentions of a stalker, details of stalking, nothing else lovelies <33

Rehearsals ran fine the next day, there weren't any complications other than the boys teasing their friend anytime you and Ji-Yong had chorography together. As you all wrapped up the last part of rehearsals, Ji-Yong was quick to find you, it wasn't that you were acting different, Ji-Yong couldn't place it though, it just seemed like something was off with you today.

"Hey, Y/n!" He called out, weaving around the other dancers as he made it to you, smiling softly "What're you doing today? We start shows tomorrow, so I was thinking, maybe go out to lunch?" He asked nervously, fiddling with his rings as he suddenly felt anxious, he couldn't help it though, being around you made him feel anxious and giddy, especially whenever you'd smile at him. "H-Huh?..Oh, yea sure" You replied, seeming distracted as you peered out of the studio window, watching a car drive past. Ji-Yong furrowed his eyebrows, trying to see what you saw before giving up "Are you okay?..You've been..odd today" He asked, reaching for your hand only for you to take a step back as you flinched slightly "I'm fine. I-I need to go, just..call me?" You asked before handing him your phone, waiting nervously for him to enter his contact before you took your phone back, rushing back to the safety of your room.

You felt bad, not really speaking to Ji-Yong, and you really hoped he didn't think it was about last night. You had woken up that morning to hundreds of calls from your manager, letting you know the man who had stalked you for the last three years was seen in the town you were currently staying in. You were on high-alert, following your security guards training for this exact situation, it wasn't that you were famous, but with your job, and exposure to the public, you had your stalkers, just like everybody else who had a slight following on social media. You stayed in your room if you weren't working, always trying to stay low-key while still trying to stay professional. You jumped a bit, hearing your phone go off with a text.

' ‘Pretty boy ;) '

Hey, pretty girl

Everything okay? things aren't weird right?

I'm sorry if I made it weird last night :/

Ji-Yong could feel his heart pounding as he threw his phone on the bed, covering his face with his hands "I don't know! She just..seemed so freaked out whenever I was talking to her and not in a cute way..it was kind of scary.." He ranted to his friends, running his hands through his hair as Dae-Sung picked up his friend's phone watching as three dots started to bounce at the bottom of the screen. "Ji, you're getting a reply, so obviously she's not ghosting you" He smiled, offering the phone back, Ji-Yong just threw himself on the bed, feeling his chest start to tighten with anxiety "No! What if she's saying she never wants to see me again!? And I ruined it?" He yelled into the blankets, causing his friends to give him sympathetic smiles.

'. ‘Pretty girl <3'

The contact name?..really? 💕😂

You’re okay, Ji-Yong you didn’t do anything other than be a gentleman last night

Can I call you?..it’s hard to explain over text..

Reading the text, Ji-Yong was quick to call you first, rushing to the bathroom as he closed the door for privacy. "Ji?.." You asked softly, pulling your knees to your chest as you held your phone to your ear. "Hey, what's up" You heard his voice ask, his tone was soft, yet cautious, like he didn't want to upset you in any way. "Um...So I didn't want you...to think my mood today, was because of you, I just..-" You stopped yourself, trying to think of the best way to word it, not wanting to come off to blunt "I have a guy, who's been following me around, somehow getting into my house one time, that was scary, thankfully I wasn't home, but I got a restraining order, and uh..he finds ways around it?..and my manager called today, to let me know, that he's been spotted hanging around near the hotel" You explained, folding the small notepad paper you had on the hotel side table, up into little triangles nervously. "That..would be scary" You heard him speak after a few moments "I uh..Can I call you back?" Ji-Yong asked awkwardly, before you could respond the call ended, leaving you in silence alone. Did you oversharing scare him? Did he just, not want to have that much extra trouble in his life? As your mind ran crazy, you never noticed the knocking on your door until you heard Ji-Yong's voice.

Thinking for a moment before he called out, if that guy was at the hotel, he wasn't about to shout your name standing outside of your door, it was just unsafe, especially if the man was around. "Pretty girl!..Please open the door" He called sweetly, waiting patiently as he heard soft muffled footsteps coming closer to the door, he swayed his arms slightly as he waited. As soon as the door opened, you felt a wave of relief wash over you, seeing Ji-Yong standing there, his white robe hood hanging over his face as he rushed in, opening the sides of his robe playfully to hide you from view as he walked in, shutting the door behind him. You laughed at his attempt to hide your identity, finding it sweet as he smiled proudly, almost like his entire purpose was just to see you laugh. "Sorry for hanging up like that, I just felt like this was a conversation to have in person, plus, I missed hanging out with you, you're cool" He smiled softly, nudging your shoulder lightly as you sat back down on your bed, Ji-Yong quick to sit next to you. "You're cool too, pretty boy" You smiled shyly, watching as he covered his face, blushing brightly, you just sighed, glancing over to double check that you had locked your door back "You seem pretty freaked out by this.." Ji-Yong whispered, rubbing your back gently as he frowned, you just leaned over until your shoulder pressed against his carefully "He's scary, and thinks that we've been in love for the last few years...plus he got into my home, somewhere I thought was safest, I moved, but, if he's always watching me, then wouldn't he know that I moved?" You explained quietly, turning to meet Ji-Yong's gaze as you looked over, he was giving you a sympathetic look as his hand gently took yours "I get that, Is there anything I can do to help?" He whispered, he knew he couldn't do much, but he still wanted to offer anyways, he was shocked by your response, you wrapped your arms around him tightly "Stay? J-Just for a little bit?" You whispered nervously, pressing your face against his chest as you squeezed your eyes shut, you weren't sure why, but Ji-Yong being around you, immediately calmed your nerves and made you feel safe.

"I'd be happy to, pretty girl" He whispered softly, wrapping his arms around you gently "A-are you sure? You don't have to-" He was quick to cut you off, squeezing you softly "I am more than sure" Ji-Yong assured, rubbing your arm before sighing "So, what have you been doing this whole time?" He laughed softly, leaning back against the pillows with you, moving to get comfortable, you sighed leaning your head on his shoulder as you pulled out your phone, resting it on his chest as you unlocked it. "I watch..edits people make on social media" You smiled sheepishly, clicking onto the last video you were watching, Ji-Yong smiled, keeping his arms wrapped around you as he watched your phone. "Hey! Wait wait! That was me!" He giggled out after you quickly swiped past a video of him "Shushh! I just wanted to check out your hashtags!" You giggled, hiding your face in his robe, his hand quick to rest on your back, as he laughed with you. Ji-Yong took a moment to admire you, you looked beautiful, especially whenever you laughed, it made him feel warm inside, like he was being wrapped in a warm calming hug. "Why are you always staring? Creeper" You joked, pushing his jaw slightly to turn his head away from you "I'm just realizing your nickname fits you so well" He smiled, giggling loudly as you blushed, pulling the pillow from behind you to fully hide your face "Oh hush, before I fall for you" You laughed jokingly, trying your best to make it seem like your statement was a full joke.

"What if I want you to?" He whispered, pushing the pillow slightly to see half of your face, that was covered in a bright blush "Are you flirting with me right now?" You giggled loudly, throwing your head back, covering your face quickly with your hands, Ji-Yong just smiled, leaning to hover over you as he smiled. Moving your hands to the side slowly, your stomach did a flip as you bit your bottom lip, trying to hide your flustered giggles, Ji-Yong was hovered above you, his arm positioning himself next to your head, his necklaces hanging dangerously low, and his hair falling perfectly as he smiled at you sweetly "So what if I am? You're cute, Y/n, and I like being around you, and dancing with you" He chuckled, using his free hand to cover his face as he blushed, you just shook your head smiling, giving his chest a slight push to send him bouncing back onto the mattress. "Don't look at me like that, pretty boy" You laughed, turning to face him after a moment, his hand slowly moving to rest on yours "Or what? You'll fall in love with me?" Ji-Yong laughed playfully, laying flat on his back, using the back of his hand to dramatically cover his face, you just laughed softly, tilting your head at his actions "Maybe I will" You replied playfully, Ji-Yong smiled, feeling proud that he could lift your sprits so much, just on his own.

You'd continue laying on the bed until about midnight, whenever Ji-Yong would slowly move out of the bed, away from your sleeping frame, it killed him, but he knew he needed to get into his own bed or else he'd be exhausted tomorrow for the show. As you felt the mattress shift, you slowly turned around, tiredly opening your eyes as you noticed Ji-Yong slipping his robe back on. "I didn't mean to fall asleep, I'm sorry" You whispered, reaching your hand out, Ji-Yong smiled softly, taking your hand in his "It's okay, pretty girl, It's late anyways, I have to get myself to bed, before it's any later" He replied softly, you just pouted, laying your head gently back onto the pillows "Call me?..In the morning?" You whispered softly, feeling yourself start to doze back off, Ji-Yong just giggled at your response, finding your state absolutely adorable. "I'll do you one better, I'll order us some breakfast and come by in the morning" He offered, causing you to smile softly as you fell asleep, your hand slowly starting to slip out of Ji-Yong's. He was quick to rest your hand back on the bed gently, slipping out of your hotel room quickly, jumping whenever he was met face to face Tae-Yang.

"What have you been up to the last few hours, Ji?" He asked teasingly, playfully crossing his arms as he stared his friend down. "Nothing, quiet down, she's sleeping in there, Y/n's going through something, and she just asked me to hang out for a few hours" He explained, trying to shush his friend, not wanting to risk waking you back up whenever you looked so peaceful when he left. "You really like this girl, don't you?" He laughed softly, leading his friend back to his hotel room "She's really sweet..and she doesn't treat me like I'm famous" Ji-Yong smiled shyly, opening the door smiling at the others as he hid his face blushing "Ji! Where were you? We were starting to get worried!" Seung Hyun smiled, laughing whenever Tae-Yang pointed to your room right next door.

Ji-Yong wasn't sure exactly what made him start falling for you, anytime he'd try and trace it down to one thing, he'd always just bounce between things. Even the boys could tell, just in the few days their friend had known you, he was already enthralled with you, he was practically glued to you anytime you were out and about. Little did he know, you felt the exact same way towards him.

What do you think lovelies? <333 Excited to hear from you!! Make sure you stay tuned in!! Tomorrow I plan on posting another part to round and round we go and a Thanos story! 👀💕

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downbadumu · 1 day ago

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it's not like your head is an erogenous zone but more like it's cuz caleb's touching your head :)

cw: set in a vague au during a vague time because i can’t decide if this is canon compliant or an au, unhinged behaviour, caleb is his own warning (so be warned), something weird about having your hair washed (i swear im not weird), sexual tension (i hope), nothing happens though hehe, psuedocest, caleb’s definition of a gege/meimei dynamic, author hasn’t written in a while so bear with me but like I had to get this out my nogging, not beta read + lowercase because im too lazy

word count: 1446

a/n: i'm now, once again, asking the lurkers of tumblr to hit up my askbox for requests so that i may be creative for the sake of my sanity

caleb’s never been a believer of the whole love language spiel; sure, he loves receiving gifts from you, hell, he has kept receipts you’ve unconsciously passed to him countless of times. yeah, hearing a simple praise from your mouth could send him into a spiral and have him cumming in his pants. but he’s so smitten with you anyways, there’s nothing you do or don’t do that he can’t love. and there’s nothing he won’t do for you.

so that’s why he’s standing right next to you as the lady from the salon is washing your hair despite being told that the wash area is restricted to customers getting the service only. it’s stupid because what do they think was going to happen? let you be by your lonesome at the back of a very public salon? absolutely not. it wasn’t anything a very charming smile couldn’t fix, however.

he knows you know that he’s watching you like a hawk despite his nonchalant stance and casual conversation. you’re talking about that new donut place that opened up last week a street away from the salon and how you’d like to visit it sometime soon so he offers to take you there once you’re done here. he chews on the inside of his cheek as he feels his blood wanting to rush down to his cock when you smile at his suggestion. god, you are just everything to him.

you’re probably trying to think of something else to say to fill the silence, but you’re starting to really relax into the scalp massage the hairdresser is giving you. his eyes expertly take in every miniscule movement of yours, from how you readjust yourself for the sake of your hairdresser’s ease (you really are a saint) to the tiny twitches, shudders and deep breaths you probably aren’t even aware of as she scratches your hairline that’s probably making your spine tingle. jealousy shoots through caleb like lighting and suddenly his laid-back smile wasn’t as easy to keep anymore. still, he scrutinises every movement of yours and the hairdresser’s, committing this too to his memory so that he can be the one that washes your hair next time.

he doesn’t make you wait long for it, though, he has your favourite haircare products ready to do the next time when your hair was due for a wash. your little squeal was worth the huge ulcer he bit into his cheek.

“i think the donuts weren’t that great,” you said.

“you like the ones from that shop by the train station don’t you?” he answered with a hum, eyes trailing your figure wrapped in nothing but a stupid towel. “they’re fresher.”

“yeah! they’re not actual donuts though,” you were sat in front of him on a small stool, hands fiddling with the conditioner bottle caleb put next to you when he sat down on his own stool. “bombolone.”

he hummed in acknowledgment while putting shampoo in your hair. “i could swing by and get them before coming back home tomorrow.”

you giggled coyly. “you’re the best, gege.”

“only for the you,” he countered.

caleb’s smiles grew as he watched you form a jab in your head but was quickly replaced by a pleasurable tingle that crawled up to your upper spine when he gently traced his fingers on your hairline. experimentally, he tapped his fingers lightly along it before scratching lightly at your scalp before transitioning back into a massage. he could practically feel the wheels in your head turning under his fingertips.

“i’ll get the mini ones, i heard they were doing a sale on a half a dozen,” he said cooly.

“mm,” you replied weakly, almost sounding like a moan, and caleb thought about biting another ulcer into his cheek.

he mimicked that hairdresser’s movements perfectly; it wasn’t hard to see what made your skin crawl with goosebumps and how your breathing hitches at this distance. of course, he was better than her, he knew your better than yourself, everything he does is tailored specifically to you.

“caleb,” you started as he ran his fingers from the top of your head to the back of your neck. he hummed, waiting for all the cogs to turn so you could form a coherent sentence.

he waited too long though, there was a chit in your voice when you said, “since when were you an expert at washing hair, huh? have you been washing someone else’s hair?”

he chuckled, fingers moving in quicker and harder succession to sparsely scratch at your scalp. something you seem to enjoy as another shudder runs through your body. “you doing good, meimei? you’re shivering a lot, is it getting cold?” he asked in fake sympathy.

“i’m fine,” you answered curtly, lips jutting out in a pout that he desperately has been wanting to bite away.

he doesn’t say anything else, because he’s too busy fighting his own shiver crawling up his spine. he’s happy when you’re happy, hurting when you’re sad, and livid when you’re upset. it’s natural that he takes pleasure in your pleasure. caleb’s fingers work expertly, alternating between light tapping, medium pressure circular motions, hard and too fast scratches that has you chewing your lips and balling your hands into fists. he relishes in the fact that your body relaxes at the familiar movements but you trying so hard to fight back your sighs.

really, he can’t help but get into it. besides, he has read something about scalp massages being good for your hair growth and stress relief and all sorts of good things he can’t conjure up now; every fibre of his being hyper fixated on you. it’s absolutely not his fault when he so gently tugs at the strands at the back of your neck to get your shivering body closer to his almost too warm one.

“fuck,” he almost doesn’t hear your curse. you’re getting a little too good at hiding things from him, he’ll have to fix that soon. not now though, he’s busy keeping a mental record of everything you’re trying to suppress as he glides his hands slippery from the suds down your thin beautiful neck for a massage. too busy to even think about the tightness in his pants.

lightly, slowly, delicately, his hands went back up from your shoulders, to the base of your neck, up the back of your head. one hand taps his way to the front of your head along your jaw while the other traced its way back up to the top of your head with light massages. too gentle, too fleeting, something he knew you’d hate, now that you would curse at him in your head for. he tilted your head back firmly, the sudden change in pressure made your suck in a breath. he was eager to drink in the look in your eyes but you had them screw shut. the thought of patting your cheek hard enough for you to glare up at him crossed his mind but it’s ok, next time.

caleb then picks up the showerhead that was filling up the tub. subtly, he tested the temperature before rinsing out the shampoo with deliberately slow movements. he needed you to feel every trickle of warm water. this time you couldn’t hold back your sigh.

“warm?” he asked, voice as parched as he was.

“yeah.”

“good,” he cooed, gently repositioning you so you’re leaning against one his thigh like a makeshift shampoo bowl. “you’re doing your hair mask today, no? i left the barley on the stove, so after this you’re on your own.”

your eyes snapped open, the spell breaking along with it. “what?! you can’t do things halfway, gege!”

with practise ease, he smiled down at your pleading eyes and flushed face. “you’ll be fine,” he crooned. “besides, you’ll be out in no time, you can have barley while you wait for the mask to do its thing.”

you pout again and he takes the opportunity to look while he reaches over you to grab your hair mask. “close your eyes,” he said, and you do. caleb doesn’t bother biting back his grin as he applied the mask on your hair.

he watched you try not to get used to his touches again, knowing he’s about to leave to your own devices. your eyebrows furrowed; hands balled into fists again but for a different reason. when he was done, he let you lay on his leg sulking as he washed off his hands, then he gently guided you back up into a sitting position, warm lips brushing against the tip of your cold ear.

“i’ll go heat up the barley for you.”

#caleb x reader #shanna writes #frey if u see me frey no u don't #i thought my fanfic days were behind me but yo caleb #lads caleb #lads caleb x reader #caleb x you #love and deepspace caleb x reader #will i write more?? who knows #but chime in in my inbox if you'd like to see more #maybe i'll accept your requests #maybe i'll do a syl.s x rea.er x cal.b fic huh

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curlysfist · 3 days ago

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03. Bass Fugato

Chorus

Synopsis: Things��life—it streamlines, and maybe he never had to swallow anything at all. (tw manipulation and financial abuse, ig identity crisis on Curly's part? MINORS DNI.)

Word count: 1.7k

Chapter Navigation: [1] [2] [3] [4]

Notes: were this a full detailed ao3 fic I would've taken a lot more time with building to a flowers for the algernon subtext + symbolism leading to greater clarity moment but. this is stress relief, I do not have the bandwidth to be doing all that sauur yeah. sigh. what I have planned for 4 is so exciting tho muehuehe

Playing housewife for a wealthy woman was the last place Curly ever expected to find himself.

But here he was. And God help him, he was good at it. Better than he had any right to be. The rhythm of domesticity fit him too well, too snug. His cooking had improved, becoming something of an art form rather than a necessity. Cleaning was effortless—he liked things neat, and neither of them made much of a mess. The weekly routine of laundry, groceries, and tending to the yard around the house became second nature.

He told himself it was easy. Smooth. No rough edges, no chaos. Just… being.

It was the kind of life he'd thought about sometimes, late at night when his body ached and his mind wandered. Something simple, something still.

But when he looked in the mirror, there was a dullness in his reflection that hadn't been there before.

He stuck to you like a shadow, anchoring himself in the spaces you left for him. When you worked, he busied himself with small tasks—organizing, polishing, preparing. At first, he thought it was temporary. He’d find a job, something to keep him occupied, to keep him. But every time he tried to bring it up, you'd smile that soft, knowing smile and tell him, “We have everything we need here, don’t we?”

He had no reason to argue with that. Everything he needed was here.

Sometimes he'd hang out with Jimmy, and Jimmy wasn’t particularly thrilled with how things were going. He never really liked you, actually.

“She’s got you chained, man,” Jimmy had said once, leaning against the rusted hood of his car, cigarette hanging from his lips like an afterthought. “You’re like her goddamn lapdog.”

Curly had just shrugged, not bothering to argue. What was there to argue about? Jimmy didn’t get it. He didn’t get how easy it was to just fall into place. Jimmy wasn’t happy—never had been. His whole life was a mess of bad decisions and worse consequences, each one taking a piece of him that he never got back.

“You don’t listen to people who aren’t where you want to be in life, right?” you’d told him once, brushing your fingers through his hair as he lay in your lap, staring at the ceiling.

Jimmy wasn’t where he wanted to be. His family wasn’t where he wanted to be. So where the fuck did he find it?

He wanted happiness. And you had it. You offered it with open arms and a steady presence, wrapped it up in quiet mornings and soft evenings where nothing felt rushed or uncertain.

It was enough, wasn’t it?

And yet, in the stillness of it all, something gnawed at him. A restless itch beneath his skin that he couldn’t quite scratch. Some nights, after you'd fallen asleep, he’d sit on the edge of the bed staring at the packed boxes still stacked neatly in the corner of the living room. He’d tell himself he’d unpack them tomorrow, that it was time to fully settle in.

But he never did.

Because some part of him knew that once they were unpacked—once everything he owned was neatly folded into the life you'd built for him—there would be no going back.

So he let them sit. Just like he let himself sit in this comfortable limbo, caught between wanting to disappear into you completely and holding on to the last shreds of himself.

You made it easy, after all. Too easy.

When you called his name from another room, he was there. When you pulled him into you, he leaned without resistance. When you told him he belonged here, he nodded without question.

But deep down, he wondered if peace was supposed to feel like this—like water slowly filling his lungs, soft and painless, but suffocating all the same.

And if it was, did it even matter?

Because here, with you, he didn’t have to fight anymore. And maybe that was enough.

Curly sat at the kitchen table, the hum of the evening blending with the quiet scrape of your fork against your plate. Dinner was simple tonight—something light and elegant, the kind of thing he never would have bothered with before you. Before this life.

He listened as you talked about your day, nodding in the right places, but his thoughts drifted elsewhere. It wasn’t until you set your fork down and tilted your head that he realized you’d been watching him.

“You’re quiet tonight,” you observed, reaching across the table to take his hand. Your fingers traced lazy patterns along his knuckles. “Is something on your mind?”

Curly opened his mouth, then hesitated. What was there to say? That he felt himself disappearing piece by piece? That every time he caught his reflection, he wasn’t sure if it was him or the man you wanted him to be? He swallowed it down like everything else. You already had a lot on your plate. Pouring over work well past midnight, eating a little less. It would be selfish on his part.

“Just tired,” he said instead.

You smiled, squeezing his hand. “Poor thing,” you murmured. “You work too hard.”

He didn’t work at all, not really. Not anymore. But before he could say anything, you stood, gathering the plates and carrying them to the sink. Curly moved to get up, but you waved him off with a soft laugh. “No, sit. Relax. I’ve got it.”

It was small, but it gnawed at him. He used to take pride in doing things, in providing. Now? Now he wasn’t sure what he was to you besides a presence—something to fill the empty spaces of your life.

And then, so casually it felt like an afterthought, you said it.

“By the way,” you called over your shoulder as you rinsed the dishes, “I talked to my accountant today.”

Curly blinked. “Your accountant?”

You hummed. “Mhm. I had him take a look at your accounts; just to sort things out and streamline everything. I know you don’t keep track of that stuff.”

A cold weight settled in his gut. “You… what?”

“It’s nothing serious, just linked our accounts,” you assured him, wiping your hands and turning back to him with that same patient smile. “You’ve still got access to everything. I just had him tidy a few things up—made it easier. You don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

Curly stared at you, chest tightening. You’d touched his money. His savings. The last tangible proof that he’d built something for himself before you.

And you’d done it so casually. Like it was a given. Like it was expected.

“You—” He swallowed thickly, his voice tighter than he meant. “You had him move things around?”

You blinked at him, your expression soft but unwavering. “Yes,” you said simply. “It just made sense.”

“Made sense for who?” The words came out sharper than he intended.

You tilted your head, a small frown tugging at your lips, like you were puzzled by his reaction. “For you, of course.”

Curly searched your face, looking for... what? Some sign that you understood? That you realized how it felt? But you didn’t, did you? You thought you were helping. And maybe you were. Maybe he should feel grateful, relieved even. But instead, unease slithered through his ribs.

He cleared his throat, his voice strained. “You should’ve asked me first.”

You smiled, brushing your fingers lightly over his knuckles, soothing like always. “You’re overthinking it, love. I know finances aren’t your strong suit.”

His jaw clenched. “That’s not the point.”

You exhaled, amused, and sat back down across from him. “Curly,” you said gently, your gaze unwavering, “I take care of things so you don’t have to. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

He didn’t know how to answer that. Because wasn’t it? Wasn’t this exactly what he’d thought happiness looked like? No more struggling, no more chasing after something just out of reach. Just... comfort. Stability. You.

And yet—

He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. “It’s just... it’s my money,” he said, quieter this time.

You took his hand again, holding it firmly. “It’s still yours,” you corrected softly. “We’re just… In this together now, yeah? All I did was link our accounts.”

He stared at you. “You didn’t think to ask me first?”

Your lips parted in a quiet sigh, as if the question itself was exhausting. “Curly,” you said, leaning forward, fingers brushing over his knuckles again, “I did it for you. This way, you don’t have to stress about budgeting things separately. It’s easier for both of us. Help me help you.”

His shoulders stiffened under your touch. “That’s not the point.”

You tilted your head, smile patient and firm. “No, the point is that I’m making things simpler, my love. You always forget to track your spending, and now you don’t have to worry about it. I’m just helping.”

He swallowed hard. “I—” He cut himself off, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not about the money. It’s—”

“It’s what?” you asked with a sigh, gaze locking onto his. “Curly, I’m not controlling you. I just... connected things so it’s easier for you to access my money too. That’s what couples do, isn’t it? Do you really think I’m capable of doing something maliciously?”

He blinked, thrown off for a second. “I didn’t—”

“I know you’re not used to this kind of support,” you continued, insistent. “You’re always so independent, so determined to do things alone. But that’s not how it works anymore, right? You don’t have to handle everything yourself.”

He exhaled sharply, fingers curling into fists. “That’s not—”

“You trust me, don’t you?”

The question hung in the air, heavy and suffocating.

Curly stared down at the table, his pulse thudding in his ears. Of course, he trusted you. You were the closest thing to stability he’d ever had.

His mouth opened, then closed again. The words were there, but they felt weightless.

You leaned closer, resting a hand on his knee, gentle, soothing. “I just want what’s best for you.”

The warmth of your touch should have been comforting, but all it did was make him feel smaller. Like a piece of him had been quietly set aside, rearranged without his permission.

He forced a nod, unable to look at you. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Okay,” you echoed, smiling softly, pressing a kiss to his temple like it was all settled. “I knew you’d understand.”

Curly sat there long after you left the room, staring blankly at the flickering light above the table. The quiet pressed in around him, thick and suffocating.

#faith.txt #mouthwashing x reader #curly x reader #curly mouthwashing x reader #curly grant x reader

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tragicallyuncreative · 3 days ago

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Chapter five soon queen? Hope all is well!

Consider this my T-minus 12 hours or sooner announcement!!! I WILL be posting Chapter 5 tonight. Whether it be before or after midnight, I can't tell you, but I have tomorrow off and nothing due in the next 24 hours so I'm determined not to sleep before it's posted.

Thank y'all SO much for being so patient. All is well, just been so insanely busy that I haven't had a time to breath, let alone finish editing the chapter. I have learned so much in the last few weeks during my ICU rotations. Spent today managing hemorrhagic shock in a GI bleed patient (original bleed had been repaired and was about to be discharged when it was suddenly like a massacre 😬) and we gave 2 units of blood over the span of 1 minutes through a line in his internal jugular, then watched as they did a bedside emergent colonoscopy and put in 2 endoclips. Coolest shit I've seen in a while (well, not for him, poor guy). @fangirl-docintraining have you had your ICU rotations yet? As my fellow medical nerd who gets so excited/ enthusiastic about new stuff, you will love it!

The biggest reason this chapter has taken so long is my balance between keeping it completely accurate to 1960s medicine vs. incorporating modern elements in a realistic way because it's just hard not to and I really want to keep my plot/ outline intact. If anyone wants clarification about what elements are modern or not that I don't specify in my chapter notes, don't hesitate to ask. There are two articles that I would really love everyone to read before or after reading my chapter. For years, I have been so passionate about St. Jude Hospital and several specific doctors and the work they did/ continue to do to treat pediatric cancer. Dr. Emil Freireich essentially eliminated bleeding as a cause of death in leukemia patients after experimenting with his own platelets and finding the correct way to infuse them. He then proposed that the method of treating tuberculosis (using multiple drugs at once) could also cure leukemia. In 1962, pediatric leukemia was a death sentence. People thought it was crazy that Danny Thomas and these doctors were stating that they would find a way to cure it. Kids diagnosed would die within weeks of diagnosis from infection or bleeding to death. Their experimental treatment of combining two or more chemotherapeutic agents was seen as inhumane by many doctors, who thought that would make these children sicker and it was better to let them die peacefully. To everyone's shock, they saw success. This treatment was trialed in the early 60s, but didn't become something doctors would refer patients to St. Jude to until 1968ish. In 1970, the man behind this extraordinary discovery, Dr. Don Pinkel, was able to officially proclaim that childhood leukemia was no longer a fatal disease, with the cure rate at 50%. Today, ALL has a 94% cure rate, but the treatment remains harsh and lasts approximately 2.5 years. And despite all the hard work of researchers, other pediatric cancers such as Wilm's tumor, Ewing's sarcoma, osteosarcoma, rhabdomyosarcoma, medulloblastoma, DIPG, and more have high relapse rates and higher fatality rates (DIPG is something I encourage everyone to research and support higher funding for- a pediatric brain cancer with 0% survival rate). I actually went to a conference at St. Jude when I was 19 for childhood cancer advocates as I was a top fundraiser that year and interested in a future career there. I cannot say enough positive things about it!

So obviously, my story will deviate the timeline a little and the fictional Children's Hospital of Oklahoma (which in reality was not established until the 21st century) will be offering this experimental treatment in '65. Some of the medications and medical devices I include were not available until after '65 (for example, ports/ central lines in this particular model were not a thing), but I also make a point to use meds that were more common during the time, not include certain devices such as heart monitors, pulse ox, etc.

This has turned into a really long ramble. The point is, I hope everyone is ready to learn a lot this chapter and I encourage you to let this motivate you to learn more about childhood cancer, the fact that it is not as rare as many think, and that it is severely underfunded.

So far, this chapter is 15K words. My last few hours of edits may result in more or a little less. So get comfy and settle in when it's time to read- it's a big one with a lot going on!!

#the outsiders #the outsiders fanfiction #ao3 #the outsiders musical #ponyboy curtis #tragicallyuncreativewrites #attheendoftheroad

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satin-velvet · 14 hours ago

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‧₊˚ 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒲𝒾𝓏𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝒮𝐹𝒲 𝒜𝓁𝓅𝒽𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓉 *ੈ✩‧₊˚

note: gosh.. my writing motivation has been up and down and on the wall and floor.. well, it’s been just about everywhere but in my head. i hope this is a good peace offering and holdover until i post new chapters for my series and finish some requests i’ve been working on. i love you all and i appreciate the patience. <33

**ੈ✩ ‧₊˚ . *

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Quite affectionate. Hand holding, small kisses, cuddling at night.. he’d try to match what you like. If he was leading you somewhere, he’d hold your hand. If you visited him in his office, he’d kiss you, maybe say something about missing you. He really likes giving and receiving compliments or general praise. His affections do rely on how receptive you are to touch.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Well, he’d most likely meet you through Madame Moribble. You might intimidate him at first, especially if you were actually magical, as he doesn’t want his wizard persona to be figured out. It would be smooth sailing from there; you’d come visit often and he’d spend alot of time showing you his Oz of Tomorrow and all the ideas he has for it. You’d even get your own little figurine to go the palace with him, so even your mini versions could be friends.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

At night, he’d love just wrapping his arms around you and holding you against him. Cuddling would probably help him fall asleep, and stay close to you. If he’s working, you could sit on his lap. If you two are meandering around the palace, he would have his arm around you or hold your hand.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Of course he would with you. He’d still have his wizard duties on the side, but he would be mostly devoted to you. Especially after putting a ring on it.. the best, most beautiful emerald ring money could buy. Nothing would keep him from the best ring in all of Oz for you.

I think he’s a decent cook, he’s had the time to learn, so he could cook up most basic things and learn some recipes you like to keep you happy and relying. Cleaning he mostly delegates to the maids and cleaning staff; “The wizard mustn’t get his hands dirty,” he’d explain.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Oh, well, he’d let you down gently. Drop some hints about seeing different people, you’ve grown apart, things aren’t the same.. whatever would sting the least. He probably have your stuff already packed for you, “to save you the hassle.” He’d explain. It would hurt him to do so, but he’d try to seem more indifferent so he didn’t get emotional.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

We know he has no issue breaking up a happy home, but his commitment to you and your relationship would change the longer you’ve been together. After a while, he wouldn’t feel so lonely, and wouldn’t want to lose you. If he did propose, he’d make it a very big deal. Fireworks, celebrations.. the Emerald City would be buzzing with the good news.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Physically, he’s very romantic and gentle. He’d touch you softly and never without your permission. I think he’s very emotionally fragile, and little things can make him insecure or uncomfortable. He wants to believe he’s powerful, and wants others to believe it too. If you seemed uninspired or bored it’d hurt his pride, but some reassurance would help lots.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He loves receiving or giving hugs, mostly because he is a physical person at heart. He’d pull you against his chest, and wait until you shifted to move away to let go. If you were in a rush or saying bye, the hugs would be a little quicker but no less loving.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

A little quickly, since your really all he’s got. With past flings, he might’ve thrown the words around a little carelessly, but he might wait to say it with you so it means more and you know it’s genuine. If you say it before him, he’d say it back without hesitation.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

I don’t think he’d be jealous often, but he’s not immune to the feeling. If you’re having too much fun doing something without him, for example, he might feel a little left out and jealous. Behavior-wise, he would thrown in a sarcastic comment or two, get a little manipulative and confrontational (think him trying to convince Elphaba that the monkeys aren’t spies) until you reassure him and he calms down.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses would be very.. passionate, of course, especially when you two are alone. Cupping your face, a hand on your waist or shoulder, anything that adds to the intimacy. He kisses you on the lips mostly, but sometimes a quick kiss on the cheek suffices. For more intimate moments, he might indulge himself with neck kisses. He likes hearing all the little sounds you make, especially if he gives you a hickey. Veering back into SFW territory, he likes kisses anywhere, really. A kiss is a kiss, whether it’s on his face, body, lower area..

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He’d be good around kids, being able to play and entertain them. He wants to be a father himself, so of course he’d project that fatherly love when around kids. If you two had your own someday, he would be incredibly doting. (see my father!wizard headcanons for more on this.)

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

I think he’s a heavy sleeper, and might not wake up until later in the day unless manually woken up. If you got up before him, he’d try to coax you back into bed. For cuddles, mostly, but because he isn’t much of a morning person and because hes worried you’ll go off and have too much fun without him while he’s asleep.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Peaceful for the most part, mostly quiet conversations before you two doze off. Bedtimes vary, mostly whenever you get sleepy so he can fall asleep with you. If it wasn’t to hot, he’d wrap his arms around you. However you like to cuddle is okay, and if you don’t like cuddling, he’ll settle for holding your hand.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He has many secrets and a very big ‘web of lies’. If he really felt safe with you, he might reveal more and more, like his hometown being Omaha, Nebraska, or his name being Oscar Diggs. Perhaps he’d tell you.. he’s not magical at all. That he just floated here on a hot-air balloon. But you’d have to promise him you wouldn’t tell anyone, that you wouldn’t think less of him. If you were hoping he’d grant your wishes and cast some spells, you might be disappointed.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s more actions > words. He might not verbally state he’s irritated but subtle shifts in his demeanor would give him away. When things don’t go his way, when he’s losing his ‘power’ in a conversation, situations where he feels bested. I don’t think he’s an angry person, maybe a bitter one, but alot of his anger stems from feelings of inferiority and being a ‘fraud’.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’d remember things about you, even if you said them in passing. Your favorite colors, little details you like on your clothes or hair, the foods or like or don’t.. he doesn’t have much to do all by himself, so thinking about you passes the time.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Confessing to you, however he decides to go about it. Fireworks and flower bouquets, a lovely dinner, whatever he thinks, no, assumes you’ll love. Another close second would be all the times he got to show you around the palace and tour the rooms. Impressing you and getting all your praise and undivided attention really soothes him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Moderately protective. He would be distraught if you got hurt at all, so he tries to keep you within the Emerald City. If he couldn’t be there himself, he’d have a guard or two in your area to ensure your safety. He doesn’t want you to think he needs protecting, but he’ll usually delegate that to his ever faithful guards.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He’d go all out. He loves to impress, especially you. Large flower bouquets, late night dinners, surprise gifts, etc. All green, of course. Whatever you wanted, he’d try to provide. Anniversaries he’d easily remember, and would plan them days in advance.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Would have to be manipulation. It’s something he knows works, and can produce positive results. If you seem upset at him, he’ll try to calm you down, maybe flip the blame onto you or someone else. If it plain doesn’t work on you or you start resisting, he’d get a little panicked and learn how to actually comfort you and get what you need.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Very! He definitely likes self-care and looking pristine, as it comes with the title of Wizard. He could spend hours doing his hair, or perfecting his suit. I think a-lot of it is paranoia, that he might get found out if he doesn’t look perfectly fine all the time. He cares about his outfit being immaculate, his hair expertly coiffed. It adds into his morning routine, but he really doesn’t mind.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Very. He’s used to loneliness and only having yourself, and the seemingly endless rooms full of fun, whimsical things are a bit of a testament to his attempts at entertainment. If you left, the void of loneliness would come back, but just be deeper and more intense. He tries to convince himself he doesn’t need anyone else, but being without you would be really hard for him, especially if he shared alot of secrets with you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

I think with some time and love you could really ‘fix’ him. Convince him to care about the animals, or any cause your passionate about. He really needs someone to be there for him; more than a ‘best friend’ like Moribble. He wouldn’t admit it, but he does crave affection and affirmation from someone he loves. He likes validation and the fame that comes from being the wizard of oz. It just feels better when the praise comes from someone who really knows him, like you, who loves him even with all of his flaws and lack of magic.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

I think he wouldn’t like people who question things or authority too much, because then he’d have to admit he only has political/social power and not.. magical powers. You can be curious, sure, but not curious enough to make him feel inferior as the wizard. Admitting he can’t actually read the grimmerie, that he needs a magical person besides Morrible to rely on. If you really cared about the animals, he’d be more panicked, because what would he do if you broke up with him because of his blatant disregard for them? It stresses him out.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Taking up a lot of the bed by just spreading out. I think he also moves around in his sleep, which does mess up the covers and send them all about the bed. His bed is pretty big, so this might not be an issue for you if you don’t take up much space when you sleep. But the moving might wake you if your the light sleeper.

*ੈ✩ ‧₊˚

#jeff goldblum #the wizard x reader #wizard x reader #great and powerful oz x reader #alphabet #oz x reader #wicked2024 #wizard of oz #im back #peace offering #you guys are so patient i love you al sm #all*#sigh

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chaotic-krill-content · 2 years ago

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Sometimes I sit here, and I just think about the world’s inevitable demise.

On another note, would anyone like to start a zombie apocalypse with me?

#I am so eepy tired #Two hours asleep and so many atrocities committed #Today dear followers I offer you my dark thoughts #Tomorrow? I will likely offer you nothing #Or pure brain rot #We’ll see where the day takes me

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iniziare · 4 months ago

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Tag drop: Aventurine.

#[ aventurine. ] mr. cavalier gambler: uptight. overcautious. inferiority complex. you've won so much but you're still so afraid of losing.#[ aventurine: ic. ] they see only the straight flush. they don't know the other hand below the table clutching your chips for dear life.#[ aventurine: inquiries. ] time to make a move my friend. say goodbye before you shuffle off. it's… best to die without regrets.#[ aventurine: countenance. ] now go. and pick the clothes that you like. then choose your desired identity and use them well.#[ aventurine: introspection. ] “sleep is the rehearsal of death”? why does life slumber? because we are not ready for the final rest.#[ aventurine: meta. ] the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. but you've never gone in any other direction.#[ aventurine: etc. ] the chance… no matter how small: the potential is what you hang onto. that is what justifies the gamble.#[ aventurine: ipc. ] … i'll give you that and much more than that. the ipc will give you whatever you want. even what you don't want.#[ aventurine: trio. ] three cornerstones who for a measly penacony... offered their everything. you're more united than the family.#[ aventurine: astral express. ] friends: the game has commenced and you cannot choose to decline… nor do you have grounds to.#[ aventurine: fate. ] if the dice of fate are always weighted then that is our destiny. why then... do we struggle against it?#[ aventurine: past. ] our paths will cross again beneath kakava's shimmering auroras. farewell: kakavasha.#[ aventurine: luck. ] he's only drunk on the moment that makes his very life quiver. hell is only one decision away from heaven.#[ aventurine: topaz. ] since i survived i realized: wherever you go that's where i'll follow; nobody's promised tomorrow. [ immobiliter. ]#[ aventurine: topaz. ] i never expected the beautiful and kind-hearted director topaz to resort to distorting concepts like that.#[ aventurine: jade. ] it's often used as a counterfeit for jade. but it looks like jade… can be substituted for aventurine too.#[ aventurine: veritas ratio. ] unfortunately for him; i make for a more competent conversationalist than the other dimwits around here.#[ aventurine: black swan. ] nothing remains hidden from you… does it? i will find my place in the web of your schemes; memokeeper.#[ aventurine: sunday. ] is this what the harmony represents? is it built upon constraint and coercion?#[ aventurine: acheron. ] only by casting aside reason does one truly gamble. “emanator” — I know you'll match my wager.#[ aventurine: v. youth. ] but the sun could not kill me and the quicksand sent me back to the embrace of the guild and the ipc.#[ aventurine: v. penacony. ] i seem that way because i am nervous. maybe you can help. what do you say; put our palms together a last time?#[ aventurine: v. future. ] the once falling die has at last landed on its earthly rest. quietly… peacefully: it at last landed.#tag drop #[ aventurine: robin. ] you see people. / i see you. [ avaere. ]

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malkaleh · 9 months ago

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I keep trying to write an update and then being embarrassed about it and feeling like I’m trauma dumping on people by updating and I just..I know it’s on me to manage my crap, I know. I am trying (not very well but I’m trying) and it’s just…I don’t know. I don’t even know.

#please know i have thought about hospital but hospital would #genuinely make it worse (like I cannot even tell you how much worse)#i think I’m legitimately just…having a trauma reaction on top #of a jewish trauma spike #and dentists and having to move (I may have cleaned till I shook today also my arm #does not look great #i feel like i don’t actually verbally have the words #(i have tried not engaging i have tried engaging they both feel awful)#(hashem i don’t know would you even embrace me would you…)#(it’s not a meds thing (I take meds for mdd and I know what that looks like and this isn’t it)#(it’s hard to explain the difference between CPTSD and like a panic attack or a depression)#(except that I feel like I’m so so tainted and not in my body or if I’m in my body I’m in my body somewhere else #abuse cw #i didn’t ask for this cptsd and no tshirt was offered #this will disappear probably #UGH #(i am seeing my therapist tomorrow i just..i know i need to reach out to)#(to like my current landlords and ask if I could just pay for a cleaning service to come in)#(i know i need to be like ‘unfortunately my CPTSD is Fucking Terrible Right Now and I need)#(just a bit of grace apologies)#(i do not want my parents to know i do not want that)#(aside from the fact that I am already a burden to them anyway)#a stupid flop of a person i am crying thinking about how i had plans for kids and a wife and travel and…I’m nothing #(everyone else is something I’m not I don’t deserve grace lbr)#it keeps running through my head how many people i thought loved me want me dead #and it’s like I can fake it so well #(i don’t know I may be like sending words to people)#to run through the steps of not being alone #i’m truly sorry i am always not taking accountability and playing the victim and clinging to people #to get reassurance i don’t deserve that its a good person it isn’t it isn’t a person

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twinknote · 7 months ago

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i have a feeling my mom (who has acted extremely upset + sympathetic about me sweating profusely in my shitty 80+ degree room) is going to tell me that they can’t help me replace my 20+ year old ac unit for $250, even tho they are about to pay Thousands of dollars to replace their central ac bc clearly her needs are more important than mine (when one of my worst and most impactful symptoms is heat intolerance, which makes me dehydrated and even more dizzy and fatigued and i’ve been getting dehydration headaches even tho i’m drinking almost a gallon a day)

#like idk if it’s just the ptsd and i’m psyching myself out for nothing but i don’t feel good abt it #to the point of being extremely anxious abt asking her abt it and not knowing how to approach the convo not angrily #it’s just extremely frustrating bc i 100% Know my stepdad has the money to help me. if he says no it’s literally just bc he doesn’t like me #and cares more abt having retirement money than me not being even more ill and suicidal than i already am #Anyway i’ve been feeling like i’m being hunted for sport all day #and regardless i’m ordering it tomorrow bc i Cannot keep living like this and it’s a basic need #it would just be like half of the money i’ve worked to save up down the drain #and even longer until i can move out which i Desperately need to do at this point #idk man it’s just like. if they don’t offer to even help w Half of the cost i will have lost All trust in Her especially #bc 99% of the time she doesn’t give a single shit what that man thinks. she spends his money Constantly #literally in the past month she spent like $300 on a Bush Trimmer and a Chainsaw #she pays $200 monthly for an art studio that she barely uses #but ah yes my immediate safety and health is too much to ask for. totally understandable #just Extremely maddening when she constantly tells me that she’ll do Anything to help me and was like Why didn’t you tell me sooner????#abt my ac not working #like my brother in christ letting me bring a tower fan up to my room is not going to fix the situation 👍#ventnote

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exopelagic · 5 months ago

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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool

#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film #I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates #has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be #how this guy is yknow #on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces #rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open #(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty #and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and #I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying #and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen #but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today #and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like #washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy #and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home #and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc #and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left #bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all #and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself #these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet #and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar #he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude #now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend #he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday #regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection #of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know #well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt

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micamone · 7 months ago

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hey guys

#vent #just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn #im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery #typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog #shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next #its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals #over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation #so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just #perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired #and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in #a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass #she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this #and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh #dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking #if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again #edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT #the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit #off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed

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indiangp · 10 months ago

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#sorry ranting again but #tw weight #i shouldn't eveb have checked my weight yesterday #i feel so disgusting doing anything today #like everything that i generally donr associate w weight is now reminding me like oh youre doing your daily walking but ur still overweigt #i cannot do anything normally without thinking about it #and its been so long since i hated myself this much this is so annoying #im scared whike filling uni forms because i think oh they will reject you cuz youre fat #even though it has nothing to do w my appearance at all #i didn't feel like cleaning my room today but then i was like oh youre ugly and disgusting at the same time ??? atleast clean your room #im trying to reason w myself but it's just not working #i skipped class today but i have to go tomorrow and im so scared cuz i dont really have friends there #but theres some nice girls i talk to once in a while and they have told me things like 'youre so pretty' 'i love your hair' etc #and i know because i usually do well in mock tests and dont annoy anyone... nobody really hates me #theyre pretty chill #but im still like oh these guys are gonna laugh at me or talk like did you see her today she couldn't have gotten worse #thankfully our break time bw classes is shorter now so i wont be eating during break because i always refuse when someone else offers me #i think the one girl i do share food w and talk to quite often is skipping tomorrow so im extra scared #i dont eveb know anymore #og

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gibbearish · 1 year ago

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the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice

#like itll be busted as fuck because ill be freaking out but you bet ill be sobbing my way through verbally drafting an email #ive done it before‚ like im a frustrated crier and once i start crying i cant turn it off so ive had a couple times where i had a breakdown #at work‚ cried about it a lot‚ and my lead pulled me into a meeting room after i calmed down to check in #and as soon as i started talking it just started again so i had to be like 'sorry th-this is just something m-m-my bod-dy does‚ i-i'm calm #m-mentally but i just c-cant turn this-is off‚ just try to i-ignore HIC it and f-f-focus-s on the w-wwwords‚#(tired of crytyping so just mentally fill it in yourself in everything else i say)#n they offered me more time to chill but im like no really i genuinely am calm‚ i calm down wayyy before my body does its gonna #keep doing this on and off all day‚ it takes hours for it to fully calm down and is on a hair trigger the entire time #so thinking about this will make it kick back up again no matter what unless we talk tomorrow‚ so if youre ok with bearing with me then cool #and theyre like. dang ok and just focused on what i said #or much more recently i was talking to my roommate‚ stopped‚ held up a finger + stood there silently for ten seconds‚#then was like 'sorry about that‚ i think i have to throw up. excuse me for a moment. what was that? oh gotcha yeah i'll message you if i #need anything‚ thank you'#and just typing it out like that it sounds like i was fine and just saw it coming a ways away. however that is not the case #i had had my covid booster and some other vaccine earlier that day‚ lost 5 vials of blood‚ eaten Nothing‚ drank only #acidic-ass apple juice‚ and had just hit my vape too hard #keeping it in once it made its presence known was a feat of will the likes of which have never been seen before #and still my sentences prevail

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elytrafemme · 1 year ago

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long theoretical post about my friend hugging me

like. to dissect a matter that none of you are involved in and then i'll delete in the morning: my friend in college hugged me about ten minutes ago and i don't understand why. he's a physically affectionate person so we knew it was bound to happen, it was a running joke between us that we'd like schedule our hug to happen. nothing extraordinary happened tonight. in the second half -- which is when i spent the most time with him -- i was so fucked up that i barely processed what was going on? i was listening to what he was telling me, he just rambled about stuff, and it's interesting and i could recite all of it if asked and the expression he made at each part, but there was absolutely nothing in my head. and he never asked if i was okay which i think he would have if he thought something was wrong, because he's done that before. and we were alone so he could have and there would have been zero consequences. but he didn't ask me what was wrong, so it's hard to assume that the hug was for emotional consolation reasons. he wouldn't have noticed me on the brink of tears, either, he's not that observant. i would have known if he had. and i didn't do anything truly kind to him today, i listened to him talk about his interests and we hung out for a while, but that's what we do all the time. nothing happened. there was the chair thing but i thought i played that off well, i tried to have a coherent narrative about it an hour later too so he would guess what i had hoped, and i think i was successful. he wasn't distressed, i would have known. and he was tired but he's been tired a lot before and he's never acted like this. so he had zero reason to hug me unless he maybe sensed that this entire time i just really fucking wanted him to hug me, but he wouldn't have, and i would never have voiced that, because i don't want him to see me at that level. but i needed that hug badly. and i don't understand why i received it.

#nightmare.personal #neg #he's the easiest person to be around i think. because there are a lot of conversation topics to have #and i understand the way his mind ticks pretty well at this point #that's going to change in spring semester. maybe. which is going to really suck. but it'll be okay.#nothing i offered him would differ from what anyone could give him is the issue #i'm really good at that. you don't really need to have a ton of anything to listen to people #it's just listening. and yeah i guess people are bad at that? but like.#i don't know. he could talk to literally anyone else. all of them could talk to literally anyone else and they actively do #part of my brain is trying to rationalize myself into calming down but the other half is the one i want to indulge because #fuck. fuck. i can't do this forever.#like someday i have to snap right. i can't keep doing this. it's like a time loop.#this always happens and i only vaguely remember tomorrow but it'll happen two days after and it'll be bad #and i will always want to crack under pressure but never do #and if nothing's wrong with me why the hell am i like this?#i wish he didn't hug me. i should have got my book and fucking left.#i only waited because i was getting the book back from his roommate who was off calling his girlfriend #but honestly. that guy even though he's my friend. if he saw me crying he'd do nothing #because i don't think he would care even slightly. we're good friends now i'd say. he would not care.#at least this happened in a pretty way. that's something huh.

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