#To Be

[cindycross-39]

It feels so satisfying to be my true self.

[nightguide]

Nate,

i am out of words that i am asking you.... what i always dreamed.

like i don't ask. i earn and i am a spend driven person that i don't peruse, so you're thinking and i am, letters to the onomatopoeia of the word 'wife' that i desecrated it and turned it into 'best friend' to an obnoxious socialite (like i have ideals), like i am just as the person you knew,,,, like i am more stronger when accompanied in a library and i talk away without showing pride and i have a guillotine complex like my father (may he rest in peace) and though i know, searching for a 'partner' is not as me saying it publicly knowing eyes are all around me (like i do this all for myself and i am very open with search speak listen with autistic binaries like you found me) and i don't care to believe that i have honour in profound speech like 2024 was to me (personally, very damaging but i never strive harder like an unbroken optimist, but nonetheless i melt harder thought of sex driven spontaneity is why i am the way i am given if anything thought of the sentiment of knowledge is how broken the capacity to think is why speech is dominated by action and i knew all (like the one who passed came out of a hated narrative) and i don't like to lie about where i go and i don't ever break promises (broken chance per breath is neutral but no broken breath is how i don't feel but touched) like i can talk to cannot talk to cannot pace and it's all just puns and logic (audacity to speak will shut me up, my PR team and i (mother, ha!) i am very observant to forgive you for looking at me as i am onto you

currently reading: the cerulean - amy ewing

introduction: magonia - maria dehvana headley

intriguing worlds among me: on the shores of the unknown - joseph silk

song at the moment: sexy dirty love - demi lovato + top of the world - bridgit mendler

what i wanted to say: (full salaam) hi, i'm Linna, so very nice to meet you :_) 8) @)

[allo-frouto]

DO you swallow

Like it’s water.

[lifeyouandme]

I put a mask on my face to hide from the world but I think you still know me despite my efforts to stay hidden.

[brittanaisreeal]

So sick of being alone..

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Lyonel Feininger with umbrella, balancing on the Baltic Sea beach, 1922

* * * *

Croire signifie : libérer l’indestructible en soi, ou plus exactement : se libérer, ou plus exactement : être indestructible, ou plus exactement être. – Kafka, Journaux, 1917

Believing means : to release the indestructible in oneself, or more exactly : to liberate oneself , or more exactly : to be indestructible , or more exactly:  to be. 

- Kafka , Journals , 1917

[all channels]

[elder-dwarf]

This guy at work said, “I’m a sarcastic person, and if people can’t handle that they are too sensitive for this world.”

I had no words. Apparently I’m too sensitive for this world.

[bambinamoon]

Descubrí quien estaba destinada a ser.

BambinaMoon

[lntrusiveknock]

lovelier to be haunted by somethings more

[allo-frouto]

Lots of coffee,a warm blanket,your favourite movie. A vibrator in my hand, between your thighs, under the blanket

I am afraid my favourite movie will be long forgotten…

[quasaur]

Be, or Be Not

Jesus did not command us to TRY to be perfect...[laughing] (Matthew 5:48)!

CLMJournal.com

[serenityquest]

[not-so-allegiant-general]

MEETING 2

"Good morning, General" Lucien put his cup of caff on the table and sat down glancing at Hux. Armitage was eyeing him carefully. He had some time to think, and he decided that there was something familiar in Lucien, something to his posture, to his moves. That specific tone of voice, that familiar accent, every time he addressed him as a general. As he was far too used to it than he wanted to admit. Yes, that was it. Hux could see him in the uniform. And he was quite damn sure that it wasn't a New Republic one.

"Good morning." Lucien pulled out his datapad, opened his notes, and tilted his head looking at Hux.

"How are you today ?"

"Excellent as always." Lucien smiled amused.

"You are going to point out my every mistake aren’t you, general?"

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Well of course. Let's play a game."

Hux snorted.

" I’m not a child."

"Yes. I’m aware. But games are useful, aren’t they? I am sure you know that, General. It's easy. I am going to tell you about my day and you are going to tell me about yours, in a similar manner. "

"And where’s the fun in that?" Lucien raised his brow " Games are supposed to be fun. If there is no fun it is merely an exercise. I am sure you know that, Lucien. "

"So clever and you are missing out that I am the one who can get out whenever he wants, if you are not playing by my rules." Hux pressed his lips together with disdain.

"Blackmailing your clients is a common practice of yours.?"

"No. It's just reserved for sneaky bastards like you. Playing by my rules or do I go home and see you next week.?" Hux snorted and glanced at him.

"Go on. Tell me about your exciting day, Lucien"

"Excellent. Well. I woke up. I felt quite tense and stressed. I had an important meeting. I felt afraid I must say. I went back to my quarters. I felt... "

"Stop." Lucien fell silent. When Hux didn't say anything else he put his datapad aside on the table.

"You caught the pattern, right? The fact. And the feeling. It shouldn't be very hard." Hux stayed silent. "Alright. Let's start with something smaller, shall we? We sit here and I feel concerned."

"I am not doing that."

"Refusing something because you are not good at it, is kinda below you, General. Just saying." He hummed.

"How can I feel sitting here all day and waiting for these idiots to decide if it's more beneficial for them to kill me or to put me here for the rest of my life ?!"

"Angry. From what I can see. "Hux froze "Humiliated. Helpless. Upset. Betrayed. Scared. Lost. Depressed. Defeated. Look I can sit here guessing all day but that's not the point. " he sighed when Hux didn't answer " Or I can go on and you say something when you get bored."

"Bored," Hux repeated, fixing his eyes on Lucien. "I am bored."

"That's something. Not a lot of things to do here, hm?"

"I asked for paper and a pen. They refused." And he was actually near tears when they did. Boredom was awfully painful. He could never stand being alone only with his thoughts. There was always work. There was always something to do, that required his attention. Always something more important. 

He closed his eyes feeling a little off.

“Boredom can be challenging for someone who was always on the move. You weren’t often bored, right?”

“No. I suppose I wasn’t. Not like that…” A sudden wave of nausea took over him. He took a deep breath trying to keep himself up but when he opened his eyes everything was covered in black dots. “I…” he forced out but his head fell.

"General?" Hux slid down the chair losing consciousness. "Guard!"

_________________________

Previous part: MEETING 1

Next part: MEETING 3

[cepheusgalaxy]

Baffled to this day that anglophones don't have a very clear distinction between being (in the moment) and being (as a part of your identity)