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whovian223 · 5 years ago

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It’s week 3 of our weekly look through the Boardgame Geek Top 100 to see what games I’ve played and which ones I may be interested in playing.

Last week I got educated about Dominion, maybe even enough to try it again some day.

What will this week bring?

Maybe a treatise on train games?

You got that in you, Dave? (let’s see if he reads this…)

I picture Dave like this.

Let’s see if he even sees this…if so, I’m sorry.

Anyway, this week there are a lot more that I’ve played, and some good stuff in here.

And some…well, not so good stuff. At least for me.

So let’s get started!

#80 – Roll for the Galaxy (Rio Grande Games) – 2014

Designers: Wei-Hwa Huang, Thomas Lehmann

Artists: Martin Hoffmann, Claus Stephan, Mirko Suzuki

Roll for the Galaxy is the dice version of Lehmann’s Roll for the Galaxy, but it is so much more than that.

No screenshots of the app yet, so have to make do with boring pictures of the tabletop game

Each player will get a set number and type of dice depending on their starting world development that they choose at the beginning of the game. These dice will then be rolled and secretly used to activate actions.

You get points based on the points on the tiles that you build, whether they are developments or worlds that you colonize (just like the card game) but you have to assign dice to these tiles on your player sheet. Each tile takes the number of dice equal to the point value to put them into your tableau. If you don’t build it in one shot, those dice are trapped until you do.

When you assign your dice, you have to choose one action to activate (Explore, Develop, Settle, Produce and Ship). You can use any die to activate an action, but all subsequent dice assigned to that action have to actually have that action’s symbol (there are ways around that, of course).

If somebody else chose an action that you have dice for, you get to use those dice as well, but if nobody did, they go back into your cup.

I really like this game a lot, and it’s a shame that I haven’t played it since 2017. It just hasn’t come out to the table since then and the one guy who owns it hasn’t been to our game day in quite a while.

I have played some games on Boardgame Arena, though, which is nice.

Here’s hoping I do get it to the table again soon!

#79 – Russian Railroads (Z-Man Games) – 2013

Designers: Helmut Ohley, Leonhard “Lonny” Orgler

Artists: Martin Hoffmann, Claus Stephan

Two entries in a row with Hoffmann & Stephan art!

Russian Railroads is a game that breaks my brain, though part of that is because I tried to figure it out on Boardgame Arena a few times.

It never really made that much sense to me, but I think I have an inkling of what’s going on in the game.

I’m just terrible at optimizing actions.

Needless to say, I’ve never played it on the table, though it has shown up at a couple of game days in the last year or so.

There’s just been something else I wanted to play instead.

Essentially you’re trying to build the best railway network in Russia (I assume, based on the name).

From BGG:

“The development of simple tracks will quickly bring the players to important places, while the modernization of their railway network will improve the efficiency of their machinery. Newer locomotives cover greater distances and factories churn out improved technology. Engineers, when used effectively, can be the extra boost that an empire needs to race past the competition.”

There are three tracks that you’re trying to extend, but you’re also trying to make them good tracks, as well as doing other things. There are multiple paths to victory (so they say) and like most games where that’s the case, I always found myself doing a little of everything and thus falling way behind.

I wouldn’t mind trying this once just to see if I can wrap my head around it when I can physically manipulate the pieces.

However, it’s not that urgent.

If I never get the chance to play it, I won’t be that heart-broken.

Fans of the game, tell me why I should play this as soon as possible.

And then maybe I’ll do it.

#78 – Codenames (Czech Games Edition) – 2015

Designer: Vlaada Chvátil

Artists: Stéphane Gantiez, Tomáš Kučerovský, Filip Murmak

I’m not big into party games for some reason. Maybe I’m just an anti-fun guy, I don’t know.

Codenames is a party game in that there are two teams of multiple players and they’re both trying to make contact with their agents by using the clues that the clue-giver on the team says to try and identify the words on the table that match their agents.

A number of cards with words are laid out in a 5×5 grid. The clue-givers on each team have a layout of which cards are their agents and which ones aren’t. They give one-word clues and say how many of the cards they are referencing with that clue.

The other players have to then try to guess, but if they choose one of the opposing team’s agents, they their turn ends and that helps the other team because they have fewer agents to identify. If they choose an innocent bystander, their turn just ends.

If they choose their own, then they can keep guessing. If either team accidentally chooses the assassin, they lose.

The starting team has 9 agents to identify while the other team has 8.

Whoever identifies all of their agents first wins!

Codenames is a fun little game but it’s not something that really grabbed me that hard. I’m not that great at deduction games and I am a terrible clue-giver in this one. I haven’t played it since 2016 (back when I was less diligent taking pictures, as I couldn’t find one!) and I have no aching desire to do so either.

Of course, it’s moved on now with multiple variations of the same thing (Marvel, Disney, etc), including a 2-player cooperative game!

So many Codenames, so little time.

#77 – Architects of the West Kingdom (Renegade Games Studios/Garphill Games) – 2018

Designers: Shem Phillips, S J Macdonald

Artist: Mihajlo Dimitrievski

On the other hand, how about one of my Top 10 games played of all time?

Yeah, that would be Architects of the West Kingdom, a game that I’ve reviewed here (and people really seem to gravitate towards it as it now has my second-highest view count on this blog)

Blue didn’t build much, I see…

Go check out the review if you want to know how to play, but why do I like it so much?

I love the “place workers to get resources and the more workers you have there, the more you get but somebody might come and capture all of them to weaken you again” mechanic (say that 3 times fast!). I love the apprentices and how they work to make your actions even better, or at least help you build more buildings.

I love the Black Market and how Virtue can get you points but also can affect whether you can either build in the Church or visit the Black Market (though come on, in reality if you are too virtuous to visit the Black Market you would find a way to get somebody to go for you).

Everything just goes together so well and it’s a blast to play. And it doesn’t even take that long either.

The University adornment gets you a new building card and 2 more points! The Smithy adornment gets you three stone immediately and also 2 more points.

I only have one play of the game with the Age of the Artisans expansion, but I think it will make this game go up even higher in my esteem (if that’s possible).

After you’re done reading this review, go try a game of this however you can. See if you think I’m right.

Because I am.

#76 –Marvel Champions: the Card Game (Fantasy Flight Games) – 2019

Designers: Michael Boggs, Nate French, Caleb Grace

Artists: N/A

I first (and only) played this game at OrcaCon in January and while it ain’t no Marvel Legendary it is kind of fun in its own right.

It’s a totally cooperative game where you all play a Marvel hero (I believe there are 4 in the basic box?) that will be teaming up with other heroes to defeat the nasty villains and their schemes.

The base box comes with Captain Marvel, Black Panther, Spider-Man, and Iron Man but you can buy multiple expansion packs with new cards, new heroes, new villains, and stuff like that.

It was a fun game and I liked how it scales based on the number of players (basically each player draws a card from the villain deck at the end of their turn and has to face what happens, so fewer players means that fewer cards come out.

I just have a thing about Living Card Games (LCGs). I don’t want to be constantly buying new stuff, even though I do like that you know what the new stuff will be rather than buying random Magic: the Gathering packs.

The Marvel Champions packs seem to just add new scenarios and heroes and stuff. I don’t think they add cards for the original heroes (though maybe they do? Somebody please tell me).

The other LCGs that I took a look at, namely Arkham Horror: the Card Game, while you can play with the suggested decks it also has deck customization options as well. I don’t want to construct a deck before each scenario/story and that along with having to buy more and more stuff to get the varied content has just turned me off to the whole concept.

However, as a standalone experience, Marvel Champions was a fun game to play and I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to play it again.

LCGs just don’t really appeal to me in general as far as playing multiple times.

Somebody tell me what I’m missing.

#75 – Aeon’s End (Indie Boards & Cards) – 2016

Designer: Kevin Riley

Artists: Gong Studios, Stephanie Gustafsson, Scott Hartman, Daniel Solis

Aeon’s End is a cooperative card game where you are trying to defend a town from ancient evil (or maybe just evil in general).

You will choose a Nemesis which will come with its own card deck and then up to 4 players.

There are a couple of interesting-sounding twists to this.

First, there is no shuffling. When you discard your hand, you choose the order it goes in. When you are out of cards, you just flip your discard pile over and start playing again. So you know exactly what cards are coming and when.

Secondly, who acts first, second, etc, is completely randomized. The bad guys could go twice in a row, or maybe it will end up being in order.

Who knows?

From the app, since I haven’t played this before

I have only played the Steam version of Aeon’s End and I know I’m having a devil of a time trying to figure out how to play this and win. I know the basic rules (or can pick them up again, as I haven’t played in a while), but I get my ass kicked every time I play.

It’s starting to hurt.

I wouldn’t mind trying this on the table once, especially with somebody who’s played it before and can coach me.

Because otherwise, there’s no way to win.

When a village sees me coming to protect it, they start setting up their wills and everything because they know they’re going to die.

#74 – Patchwork (Lookout Games) – 2014

Designer: Uwe Rosenberg

Artist: Klemens Franz

Patchwork is a 2-player tile-laying game where you are trying to fill a grid (quilt) with a bunch of different misshapen pieces of cardboard (fabric). You are collecting buttons that will then enable you to take one of up to three pieces that are available to you (depending on how many buttons they cost).

At the end of the game, your points will be the number of buttons you have minus points for any missing squares on your grid.

I have to say that tile-laying “Tetris-shaped pieces” games don’t really do a lot for me.

When I first (and only time) played it on the table back in March 2016, I didn’t really care for it that much.

I don’t like spatial puzzles and this was the ultimate in spatial puzzles.

Then I played the app.

Wow, man, I fell in love with it.

Sure, I still suck at it and probably will never win a game.

But I decided that it didn’t matter. I really really like it.

So much so that I have finally bought a copy (when 401 Games is able to get it to me).

I’ll be able to let you know more a little later whether the game on the table holds up or not.

I’m really looking forward to it, actually.

#73 – Agricola – Revised Edition (Lookout Games) – 2016

Designer: Uwe Rosenberg

Artist: Klemens Franz

It’s a Lookout Games/Uwe Rosenberg/Klemens Franz twofer!!!!!

Yes, we have another Uwe game with Klemens art but they couldn’t be any more different.

Agricola is the first of Uwe’s many “place workers (family members) somewhere to get something, and then don’t forget to feed them at the end or bad things will happen” games (For some reason I have trouble shortening these descriptions).

In it, you’re running a family farm, trying to build up your farmhouse, raise many sorts of animals and plant your crops.

Each round an additional space opens up for you to place your worker, where you can get resources, food, animals or crops to then sow in your plowed fields.

At the end of a certain number of rounds, you have to have enough food to feed all of your family members.

Don’t worry, nobody dies. You just have to beg for food (and lose points).

Might be more fun if somebody did die.

It would be an Ameritrash game then!

I have never played this game on the table, but I have played the app of the original version (this revised edition came out in 2016).

I’m honestly not really sure what the Revised Edition does.

I really don’t enjoy this game that much. The idea of feeding your family is ok (and has been done in many games since) but it’s a very punishing game.

I have never been able to figure this one out. I have played its sister game, Caverna, and it’s much more pleasurable to me (though I still haven’t played it in a long time). Caverna isn’t quite as punishing with the feeding mechanism and that makes me feel less trapped.

I’ve played this on the app recently and unfortunately it still doesn’t agree with me.

Sorry to you fans.

#72 – Troyes (Pearl Games) – 2010

Designer: Sébastien Dujardin, Xavier Georges, Alain Orban

Artists: Sébastien Dujardin, Xavier Georges, Alain Orban, Alexandre Roche

I played this game once on the table but have played many games on Boardgame Arena since then.

This is a dice rolling and drafting (kind of) game where you are managing your own section of the population of this famous city (pronounced “Twah” for those uninitiated). This population is in the form of dice depending on what regions you have your people stationed: Religious, Civil or Military.

You roll your dice and then the first thing everybody has to do is beat off invasions using some of their dice.

Remaining dice are then used to do various actions around the city (or out in the countryside where you may use them to cancel bad stuff that’s sitting out there). You can even buy your opponents’ dice because you need more and you don’t want them to have them.

That can be a mean thing.

It’s a game I enjoy but don’t love, and I haven’t had much of an urge to get it to the table again (not that I could without buying it, as I don’t think anybody I know has it anymore).

It’s fun enough, though, and I’m always willing to play an asynchronous game on BGA, but it’s not something I’m burning to play again any time soon.

I do like the dice drafting mechanics and how you can place your workers in a bunch of different areas to make actions more efficient (as well as possibly get points for them at the end of the game).

I really like how you can buy other players’ dice too.

Overall, I think it’s worthy of its spot in the Top 100 even if it wouldn’t be in mine (well, maybe it would since I’ve only played something like 350 games, but you know what I mean).

#71 – Battlestar Galactica: the Board Game (Fantasy Flight Games) – 2008

Designer: Corey Konieczka

Artists: Kevin Childress, Andrew Navaro, Brian Schomburg, WiL Springer

And now we come to almost the ultimate hidden traitor game, a game that sounds so cool that I really want to play it.

Sadly, I never have.

And it’s not for lack of opportunity, because I have seen it being set up at conventions and stuff.

It just intimidates the crap out of me, partially because of the deduction aspect and partially because it can take 2-3 hours to play. Every time I’ve had the opportunity, something has just told me “no, you need to leave yourself open to other stuff” and I back away slowly.

Maybe I’m a Cylon in disguise and I just don’t know it?

It’s a semi-cooperative game because you are trying to get the Humans to safety, but some of you (at least one, I think, and perhaps more than one?) are Cylons hidden for years without even knowing about it, programmed to doom humanity.

Do you hide the fact that you’re a Cylon or do you just go balls to the wall and try to kill everybody?

Those sound like exciting decisions.

If I ever get back to a con and I see this being set up (or if it’s a scheduled game), I need to sit down and play it.

Scratch that itch, fulfill that dream, kill that human get the humans to Earth.

Crap, that was supposed to be a “delete,” not “strikethrough”

I have revealed myself.

Run for your lives!!!!

So we’ve reached the end of another week. I’ve played 6 this week with one on Boardgame Arena and one on Steam (also an iOS app if you don’t count the Revised Edition). Not too bad.

That makes 13 that I’ve played “officially” (on the table) out of the bottom 30. Almost 50%

Will that go up or down next week?

I guess you’ll have to tune in and find out.

What do you think of these games? Love them? Hate them? Good enough for Cylons but not you?

Is there something I really need to play in there?

Let me know in the comments.

Posts in this Series:

#100-91 #90-81 #80-71

Boardgame Geek Top 100 - Played or Play? 80-71 #boardgames @riograndegames @Zmangames_ @FFGames @czechgames @PlayRenegade @garphillgames @IBCGames It's week 3 of our weekly look through the Boardgame Geek Top 100 to see what games I've played and which ones I may be interested in playing.

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pcwpolwrestling · 6 years ago

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'Bern' Notice/WaPost Litigation/Jussie Smollett/Main Street USA Comes to PCW: PCW Extreme Political TV

THIS WEEK ON EXTREME POLITICAL TV -More on Bernie Sanders’s entry into the 2020 race -The Media’s finest hour aka…Washington Post gets sued/Jussie Smollett. -Peta from PETA opens her mouth about Steve Irwin-with unpleasant results. -Champion of the Political Universe ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay wrestles/multiple challengers appear -PCW Tag Team Champions Rah and Halitosis defend their title -PCW Champion ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism ================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Returns to the blue background with the top of the Capitol Building occupying the left hand side of the television screen with “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.” centered in the middle of the screen.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

LAST WEEK ON PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV:

‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder gets offended at ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave’s ‘Fake News’ t-shirt.

PCW Owner Dawn McGill talks about her experience being ‘detained’ by the Coke Brothers/George Moros/The Establishment.

The Champion of the Political Universe (which sounds really impressive if you think about it) ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay stops by to watch Truckin’ Average Company (Ken Worth-American Trucker/Average Joe/Brad Company) defeat Georgia-Florida State Line and Mr. Wrestling XXXIV.

Russian Collusion comes up. Fox News’s Tucker Carlson tells Colleen that THERE…WAS…NO…RUSSIAN…COLLUSION after she complains about Russian referee Corrina Romanov coming back to officiate a match (Romanov was the referee of the Trump-Clinton match at Extreme Election Night 2016).

Jill Berg Enterprises continues to woo Charlie Blackwell of the Sports Entertainment Corporation.

The Shutdown was averted thanks to a deal brokered by Executive Committee President Nancy Pelosi (CA-Progressive Alliance) and American Patriot Leader Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots).

But then CEO of the Political Universe Donald Trump (NY-American Patriots) declares a Security Emergency and gets into it with CNN’s Jim Acosta again.

‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor vs. ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ Ultratron-Five makes his PCW debut and defeats ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor.

‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann visits McGill and warns her she can’t defeat the Establishment.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez celebrates preventing Amazon from building a new headquarters in New York City. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott comes out and he’s not impressed.

Main Event: Scott defeats SNAFU.

==============================

PCW Extreme Political TV on P-SPAN Sunday February 24th, 2019 Taped February 23rd at the Chisholm Trail Coliseum Enid, Oklahoma

Announcer: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave

==============================

The camera pans all over the Chisholm Trail Coliseum as PCW is on the air! Fireworks go off. Spotlights move back and forth through the crowd.

Cut to ringside where ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave stands at the broadcast table next to a life-size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain…because he can.

Johnny Suave: Hello everyone and welcome to Political Championship Wrestling!

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

Johnny Suave: I am Johnny Suave. This is Shania Twain. Tonight we are here at the Chisholm Trail Coliseum in Enid, Oklahoma for an exciting evening of political wrestling!

‘BERN’ NOTICE Suave hits the big news of the day. The decision by Bernie Sanders (VT-Independent/Progressive Alliance) to jump into the 2020 race.

VIDEO: Bernie Sanders

Bernie Sanders: How many yachts do billionaires need? How many cars do they need? Give us a break. You can’t have it all.

Johnny Suave: I thought it was funny that Sanders didn’t ask ‘how many houses do you need?’

Suave reviews Sanders run in 2016. There might have been just a little chicanery involved when Hillary Clinton held off Sanders in what turned out to be a very competitive match. Suave sets it up.

Johnny Suave: All lethal weapons were banned from the match and replaced with cardboard in an attempt to tone down the violence. The leader of the Progressive Alliance, Debbie Wasserman-Shultz, presided over the match as the referee. With questions about her impartiality in the air, would Wasserman-Shultz call things right down the middle?

VIDEO-PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE MATCH: Hillary Clinton vs. Bernie Sanders-Taped July 28th in Philadelphia, PA

Bernie Sanders grabs an empty cardboard toilet roll and smacks it over Hillary’s head. Wasserman-Shultz admonishes Sanders.

Hillary clubs Sanders with her own empty cardboard toilet roll. *CLANK* Sanders staggers backwards into the corner. The cardboard toilet roll slides off and reveals a small lead pipe. Sanders’s manager Jeff Weaver screams at Wasserman-Shultz. Wasserman-Shultz shakes her head and tells him she didn’t see anything wrong.

Johnny Suave: Even Bill Clinton got into the act.

Weaver again engages referee Wasserman-Shultz over an infraction. Bill Clinton sneaks over and spins Sanders around- then he jabs him in the eye. Then Hillary walks over with what’s purported to be a paper plate but what is actually a steel plate sandwiched by two paper plates. *CLANK*

Johnny Suave: But then Sanders turned the tide and took the fight to the Clintons.

Sanders hits a single leg takedown on Hillary. Bill then tries to sneak up on him from behind. Sanders low bridges him and then whips him into the corner turnbuckle. Halfway there, Bill ‘stumbles’ and falls face forward into the turnbuckle and flips up and over. Clinton tries to snag the top rope, misses, and tumbles down to the floor. Bill then gets back on his feet…takes two steps…stops…and then flops face first to the floor.

Johnny Suave: But in the end, Hillary would prevail with a little help from Debbie Wasserman-Shultz- the ‘leader’ of the Progressive Alliance.

Sanders has Hillary down and hooks the leg. Wasserman-Shultz takes her sweet time going over to make the pinfall. Finally, Sanders jumps back up and gets in her face. While he argues with Wasserman-Shultz, Hillary slides over, grabs Sanders from behind, and rolls him back into a pinning situation. Wasserman-Shultz immediately slams her hand on the mat with a machine gun “onetwothree” and that’s the match.

Johnny Suave: Hillary went on to Extreme Election Night 2016 and lost in a stunner to current CEO of the Political Universe Donald Trump (NY-American Patriots).

DEMOCRACY DIES IN LITIGATION Suave shifts gears to the news that the family of the sixteen year old boy from Covington (KY) Catholic High School who was accosted by Nathan Phillips has sued the Washington Post for $250 million dollars.

Johnny Suave: According to the lawsuit, plaintiff claims that the Post “wrongfully targeted and bullied Nicholas because he was the white, Catholic student wearing a red ‘Make America Great Again’ souvenir cap on a school field trip to the January 18 March for Life in Washington, D.C.,” the Post engaged in “a modern-day form of McCarthyism,” and the Post “ignored basic journalist standards.”

Suave then brings in ‘The Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves’ for their reaction:

‘Low Level Reporter at the Washington Post Trying to Make a Name for Himself’ Dan Miller: This is a chilling development. The first amendment and the right to a free press are at stake here.

‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder: Deplorable. And chilling. But definitely deplorable.

Johnny Suave: How’s your good friend Maggie Haberman doing? She and the Times may be next.

‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder: Shut up. And why aren’t I on the show this week?

‘Low Level Reporter at CNN Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Sharon Johns: There would be a chilling effect on freedom of speech and freedom of the press if this lawsuit goes through.

Johnny Suave: So. What you’re saying is that your right to fill the airwaves and the print with your narratives to push your agendas supercedes the right of a 16 year old boy who just happened to be wearing a MAGA hat and who was minding his own business when he was accosted by a left wing activist.

‘Low Level Reporter at the Washington Post Trying to Make a Name for Himself’ Dan Miller: I don’t understand the question.

‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder: Huh? What do you mean?

‘Low Level Reporter at CNN Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Sharon Johns: I’m not sure what you’re talking about…but somehow I’m sure this is all Trump’s fault.

Johnny Suave: I mean, look where pushing your narratives down our throats got you with the whole Jussie Smollett debacle.

Crowder, Miller, and Johns all begin to cough…

Colleen Crowder (coughing): …that’s different…

Dan Miller (also coughing): …whataboutism…

Sharon Johns (also also coughing): …false equivalency…

Colleen Crowder (coughing): …let’s move on…

Dan Miller (coughing): …move on…

Sharon Johns (coughing): …yes…move on…

Suave runs through the show tonight: -Champion of the Political Universe ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay will be in action. -Also, PCW Tag Team Champions Rah and Halitosis aka The Island of Misfit Wrestlers -And PCW Champion ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism -More on the ongoing saga between the SEC and Jill Berg Enterprises.

Johnny Suave: Back with more right after this message.

=======================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

*BLEEP*-ing with McGill

A package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of a campground. There’s a truck with a camper in the bed parked in a forest area with plenty of trees.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky presents *BLEEP*-ing with McGill.

Three men sit around a campfire. The one on the left is crouched down on the ground munching on a piece of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. The other two are drinking coffee from a mug.

There’s a rustling by an old barn where four trash cans are located. All four are overflowing over the top. All three look over and see PCW Owner Dawn McGill with an empty water bottle in her hand. She’s wearing shorts and a tank top as she’s out for a run.

Dawn McGill: Hey guys. Do you know if there’s any other trash receptacles nearby?

The crouching guy snacking on the beef jerky gets an idea. He reaches into his rucksack and pulls out one of those trick cans that sprays out plastic snakes when you open it up.

Guy #1: Hey guys.

He shows the can to the others.

Dawn McGill: Um. You do know that I can hear you, right?

The other two snicker at the idea. The man on the far right who’s wearing a plaid lumberjack jacket points to a rock in front of Dawn and the other guy ‘sneaks’ over there with the can.

Dawn McGill: Okay. You do know that I can see you sneaking up here.

The other two watch as the guy places the can on the rock, with Dawn observing him, and then ‘sneaks’ back to the campfire.

Dawn looks down at the can.

Dawn McGill: All right. I know what’s inside the can. I’m going to open it up. These plastic thingys are going to come flying out. And then I’m going to have to do something really bad to you guys.

The three campers simply stare at her.

Dawn sighs.

Dawn McGill: Okay…fine.

She opens the can. Two plastic snakes fly out and the campers begin to laugh. Dawn gives out a ‘look’ that said ‘seriously?’ She exhales, turns, and runs into the woods.

The three campers scurry towards their camper just as Dawn comes back out with a rather ominous looking weapon in hand.

Guy #2: Wait! Is that a RPG?

Guy #1 (panicked shout): OH *BLEEP*, SHE’S GOT A RPG!

Guy #3 (even more panicked): RUN!

As the campers veer off into the woods, Dawn smiles…aims…and fires the Rocket Propelled Gernade into the camper and blows it to smithereens.

Final scene: a package of Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky superimposed over the burning truck and the debris field around it.

Announcer: Skank Mitchell’s Awesome Beef Jerky. Feed your irrationally foolish side.

=======================

PCW ON THE ROAD March 1st – Genesis Convention Center / Gary, IN March 2nd – Hulman Center / Terre Haute, IN March 8th – United Wireless Center / Dodge City, KS March 9th – Tony’s Pizza Events Center / Salina, KS March 10th – Hartman Arena / Park City, KS March 16th – Jamestown Civic Center / Jamestown, SD March 22nd – Silverstein Eye Centers Arena / Independence, MO March 23rd – Qwest Center Omaha / Omaha, NE March 24th – Sanford Pentagon / Sioux Falls, SD March 30th – Taft Coliseum / Columbus, OH April 6th – Loose Cannons Unleashed PPV @ the D.C. Armory / Washington, D.C.

=======================

Back to Suave and Shania at the broadcast desk.

Johnny Suave: Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring for our first match.

MATCH #1/NON-TITLE MATCH: Champion of the Political Universe: ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay vs. The Mononaghelian Stomper The Stomper is already in the ring. The hot lights above reflect off the Stomper’s shiny bald head.

Kimber Marshall: …ladies and gentlemen- please welcome from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania- the Mononaghelian Stomper!

The Mononaghelian Stomper raises his arms in the air.

Kimber Marshall: And his opponent. He is the Champion of the Political Universe!…

Do you hear the people sing? – Singing the song of angry men?

A spotlight illuminates a concourse. The camera pans over and zooms in.

‘Do You Hear the People Sing?’ – Les Miserables

PCW’s own ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay walks out accompanied by his wife, and one half of the famed West Texas Adult Entertainment duo Dark and Stormy, Stacee (Dark) Perry. Paige ‘Stormy’ Reynolds also walks out. Bert the Janitor comes out fourth.

Also joining them, General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs.

Gen. DeBauchery: You probably heard we ain’t in the take no prisoner-takin’ business like usual wrasslers; we in the killin’ brewskis business…

General DeBauchery takes a bottle of beer and chugs it down.

Gen. DeBauchery: And cousin, Business is a-boomin.

Cahall raises his glass and chugs his beer down. And then there’s man smoking a cigarette in violation of several anti-smoking ordinances…which is par for the course- Nic Koteen.

McAvay starts down the steps. Dark and Stormy go next. Then Bert the Janitor, General DeBauchery, Cahall, Koteen, and what appears to be an endless stream of people from the special Les Miserables section of the arena.

‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay AGE: 38 / HT: 6’ 3” WT: 195 / HOME: Fort Stockton, TX FIN: McGill Bomb

McAvay arrives at the ring. The Les Miserables fan out at ringside. Dark and Stormy also climb up to the ring apron and model the official PCW Ray McAvay “Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up. Get to Work” baseball jersey.

Johnny Suave: Ray McAvay won the Political Universal title at PCW Extreme Election Night 2018, defeating ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit’ Kirk Walstreit and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism in the main event.

VIDEO: Extreme Election Night 2018 McAvay vs. Walstreit vs. Chism for the PCW Title

[McAvay slaps on an inverted face lock…hooks the arm…and pulls backwards and up.]

Johnny Suave: DRAGON SLEEPER!

[Dark and Stormy end the striptease. The SEC’s Blackwell, Banks, and Tanaka climb into the ring. Les Miserables’s General DeBauchery, Al Cahall, and Nic Koteen throw themselves at the SEC. Walstreit starts to fade. Several other members of the Les Miserables hit the ring and attack Blackwell, Banks, and Tanaka.]

Johnny Suave: ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE! WE’VE GOT PEOPLE IN THE RING AND McAVAY IS HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE.

[Walstreit’s arm goes limp. McAvay breaks the hold…puts Walstreit’s head between his legs…and hits a sit-down powerbomb.]

Johnny Suave: McGILL BOMB!

[McAvay rolls him up. One…two…THREE!]

Johnny Suave: HE’S DONE IT!

*DING-DING-DING*

[Crowder can’t believe what’s just happened.]

Colleen Crowder: Son of a bitch.

Johnny Suave: WE HAVE A NEW UNIVERSAL PCW CHAMPION AND HIS NAME IS RAY McAVAY!

[With the Les Miserables celebrating in the ring, Kimber Marshall does the announcement from the floor.]

Johnny Suave: McAvay has also been in the middle of some controversy of late.

VIDEO: PCW Newsline – January 24th, 2019

Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy’s Flock member Codee Pink, in the news for accusing Universal PCW Champion Ray McAvay of being confrontational when she confronted him and complained about his valets Dark and Stormy posing in a hot tub for and with PCW fans, came out and said that what really set her off is that McAvay smiled during the confrontation.

Codee Pink: He was trying to keep calm and not make a scene but I knew when he smiled and didn’t try to escalate the situation that deep down he was being totally confrontational with me.

*DING-DING*

McAvay and the Stomper circle and tie up. The Stomper gets the wristlock. McAvay rolls…sweeps…cover…One…and the Stomper easily kicks out. The Stomper then catches McAvay sleeping and rolls him up…One…McAvay kicks out. Collar and elbow tie up. Again, the Stomper gets the waistlock. McAvay slips out to a headlock. The Stomper powers out. McAvay drop toeholds him to the mat. The Stomper back up and he chops the hell out of McAvay. The Stomper stomps McAvay in the corner. The referee calls for a break and the Stomper backs off at 4. But when the referee turns away for a second, the Stomper chops McAvay again in the corner. The Stompers whips McAvay from corner to corner. He covers…but there’s no one there to count. Why?

Johnny Suave: IT’S DARK AND STORMY TIME!

The referee is staring at Dark and Stormy performing an impromptu striptease in McAvay’s corner by slowly unbuttoning their official PCW Ray McAvay baseball jerseys.

While the referee’s distracted, Bert the Janitor slides a Big Bertha driver to McAvay. McAvay whacks the Stomper with the golf club and quickly disposes of it.

The striptease ends. McAvay hooks the legs. The referee makes the count…One…Two…THREE!

*DING-DING-DING*

Kimber Marshall’s right in the ring.

WINNER: ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay @ 2:32

McAvay celebrates with his Les Miserables and the PCW fans.

McAVAY POST MATCH INTERVIEW Blair Moise joins the Champion of the Political Universe in the ring.

Blair asks about who he wants to face at Loose Cannons Unleashed on April 6th at the D.C. Armory.

McAvay says it doesn’t matter who he wrestles. He wouldn’t mind another match with ‘Charlie Wrestling’ Charlie Blackwell. He thinks ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels of the Progressive Alliance would be a worthy opponent. But he’ll let the political stuff settle and he’ll face whomever shows up at Loose Cannons Unleashed.

Ray McAvay: The McAvay Way is about working hard, preparing for any contingency, and being ready physically and mentally each and every time I set foot in a wrestling ring. Show up. Punch In. Shut Up. Get to work. Doing things the hard way. Not taking the easy road. The McAvay Way doesn’t take short cuts. Ray McAvay may not be the most talented wrestler. But I work my ass off to try to get the most out of my talent- no matter how limited it might be. I am proud to be your Champion of the Political Universe!

POTENTIAL McAVAY CHALLENGER- CHARLIE BLACKWELL ‘Charlie Wrestling’ Charlie Blackwell comes out to ringside.

Charlie Blackwell: You know. Some things never change. Here you are the Champion of Champions…the Champion of the Political Universe and yet you still resort to the Big Bertha driver to win your matches.

Blackwell agrees that Ray works hard and has done more with less than most ordinary, average wrestlers do in their career. Charlie says he’s not ordinary or average and he certainly doesn’t need a Big Bertha driver to win matches. Blackwell says he has talent. He has ability. He has it.

Charlie Blackwell: I am ‘Charlie Wrestling.’ Ray McAvay is the past. He is the embodiment of days gone by. I am the now…I am the future. Ray. You’ve had your day. You’ve had a great career…especially the past couple years. No doubt about it. But if I get the opportunity to wrestle you again for the title, I am going to prove to the world that I am the best wrestler in the political universe bar none.

Blackwell then adds that he now has the ‘right team.’

Johnny Suave: Right team? Does this mean he’s joined Jill Berg Enterprises?

No. Not quite. Farmer John Deere, Mike the Mechanic, and ‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith come out. They are definitely NOT part of Jill Berg Enterprises.

Charlie Blackwell: This is my new team. We are…Main Street USA.

Johnny Suave: So Charlie Blackwell makes the move himself. He has left the Sports Entertainment Corporation and joined up with Main Street USA-

Man’s voice: You all still don’t get it.

ANOTHER POTENTIAL McAVAY CHALLENGER- THE ULTIMATE SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR Boos ring through the arena when Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy walks out with his Flock (The Green World Order, The Young Jerks, Codee Pink, and Emily S. List). McCarthy holds up his ‘good book’- the book that spells out what’s correct and incorrect to do, say, think, and believe, and thunders like a preacher on a pulpit.

Professor McCarthy: Both of you keep saying you represent the common man. The good book says the ‘common’ man is unsophisticated, unintelligent, and needs to be told what to do, what to say, what to think, and what to believe.

McCarthy tells McAvay he’s not qualified to be the Champion of the Political Universe and neither is Charlie Blackwell.

Professor McCarthy: A true champion should be someone more ‘worldly,’ ‘sophisticated,’ and progressive in thought, word, and deed. A champion should rise above the common rabble and promote the correct ideals. We need someone more skilled, with the right ideas and the right beliefs, and competent in talking for the common man or woman because they are inherently unable to do so for themselves- in the correct manner. We need someone like…The Ultimate Social Justice Warrior.

USJW walks out to a serenade of boos. Professor McCarthy scolds the crowd because they don’t know what they’re booing.

Ultimate Social Justice Warrior: You’re booing me because you’re too ignorant to know that you should be cheering me on!

More boos from the crowd. Finally, the Green World Order’s Peta from PETA can’t take it anymore and grabs the microphone. She calls the crowd ‘pathetic’ and rips into them.

Peta from PETA: People like you are the same dangerous people fawning over celebrating Steve Irwin’s birthday today. Let’s get it right people. Steve Irwin was killed while harassing a ray. He dangled his baby while feeding a crocodile and wrestled wild animals who were just minding their own business-

Three people dressed in matching light green uniforms (one you might find in a zoo setting) run into the ring. The crowd roars when they realize just who they are.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! THAT’S…THAT’S TERRI, BINDI, AND ROBERT IRWIN!

Peta, and all of Professor McCarthy’s Flock, are shocked to see the Irwins in the ring.

Bindi and Robert set up low and take out Peta’s legs at the same time Terri comes around and clotheslines Peta.

Johnny Suave: TOTAL ELIMINATION!

The Irwins quickly exit before the Flock can react.

Another male voice: Hold on there.

YET ANOTHER POTENTIAL McAVAY CHALLENGER- ‘MR. HOLLYWOOD’ KEVIN DANIELS The Blue Brand’s Champion and darling of the Hollywood set, “Mr. Hollywood” Kevin Daniels, comes out.

Daniels opines that a true Champion of the Political Universe should be someone ‘larger than life.’ Someone who everyone looks up to and aspires to be like.

Kevin Daniels: Look, I’m not as extreme as some of the others in the Progressive Alliance. I believe my all around skills and Hollywood values and cache make me the Progressive Alliance’s and the Blue Brand’s choice ‘logical’ choice to wrestle the title away from Ray McAvay.

The Hollywood stars and starlets behind him agree and clap.

Johnny Suave: Well, this has turned into an interesting-

AND YET EVEN MORE, ANOTHER POTENTIAL McAVAY CHALLENGER- KIRK WALSTREIT THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

Pop. Big…big pop.

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd erupts when the video screen shows the door to a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”

The door opens and eight male bodyguards walk out of the dressing room encircling a petite 95 pound woman and her male assistant in the middle. The woman, dressed in a smart, dark business suit and heels, is busy talking on her cell phone. The man furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring.

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

Johnny Suave: HERE SHE COMES! THE SELF-MADE ENTREPRENEUR FROM NEW YORK CITY’S FINANCIAL DISTRICT AND THE CEO OF JILL BERG ENTERPRISES!

A huge roar greets the procession as it emerges from the back onto the stage and starts their way down the ramp.

Johnny Suave: THE CORPORATE PREDATOR EXTRAORDINARE! THE PHENOMENON KNOWN AS-

The crowd is rocking and a chant of “JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG! JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG!” fills the bar.

Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as Jill walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.

Johnny Suave: JILL BERG!

“JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG! JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG!”

Berg walks out with ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit’ Kirk Walstreit. And like everyone else, she has a mic.

Jill Berg: No offense Ray. But let’s be honest. You’re not ‘elite.’ You’re a worker bee who’s scrapped and clawed his way up the ladder. You’re a great role model for the lesser classes to aspire to- but a Champion of the Political Universe should be in a class all by themselves. An exclusive class of wrestler. Someone like…Kirk Walstreit.

Walstreit walks around the ring holding up his prized velvet painting of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.

Jill Berg: And Kirk holds up that velvet painting so well, doesn’t he?

Johnny Suave: Okay, I’ll give her that.

McAvay watches with amusement as all four contingents start shouting at each other about who the next challenger should be.

Johnny Suave: So, McAvay has more than a few suiters for his Political Universal title from both sides. As we head towards the Loose Cannons Unleashed supershow on April 6th, we’ll see just who emerges as the number one contender for McAvay’s title.

=======================

PCW RANKINGS

PCW Title Champion: The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism #1 Contender: Jack Fraiser #2 Contender: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott #3 Contender: SNAFU #4 Contender: Average Joe

PCW Tag Team Title Champion: Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and Halitosis #1 Contender: The Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson #2 Contender: The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank and Tiny #3 Contender: Truckin’ Average Company: Ken Worth-American Trucker and Brad Company #4 Contender: Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice

=======================

Back to PCW related affairs…

Mr. McMANN RESPONDS Corporate Sports(Entertainment) Programming Nation aka CSPN anchors Reese Anderson and Rebecca Morris have ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and the ‘Mouthpiece of the SEC’ Phil Finebaum with them to comment on the defection of Charlie Blackwell to Main Street USA.

Mr. McMann: I’ve been given some sound advice. Perhaps what the SEC has needed to do for a while is to clean house and start all over again.

Phil Finebaum: The SEC is about more than the men and women who make up its rank. It’s a status. It means you are the best of the best.

Anderson asks McMann what the game plan is.

Mr. McMann: You’ll find out soon enough.

Cut back to Suave and Shania.

Suave introduces a video of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers winning the PCW Tag Team title.

VIDEO: D.C. Armory Supershow – February 9th, 2019 PCW Tag Team Title Match: Island of Misfit Wrestlers vs. The Dork Dynasty

…once again, Leonard and Sheldon (Dork Dynasty) are debating wrestling methods in their corner. This time, Halitosis crept up to Leonard and spun him around. He unloads his breath on Leonard and he wilts like a flower. But, he manages to tag Sheldon in as he flops to the mat.

…

Rah has Sheldon set for the Eye of Rahhhh. Sheldon flails away in vain to get away. Rah lifts and slams him to the mat. Cover…one…two…three…NEW CHAMPIONS!

Johnny Suave: So as the new PCW Tag Team Champions the Island of Misfit Wrestlers are getting settled in with their new title, Halitosis shows us what he does to keep his ‘edge.’

HALITOSIS GOES SHOPPING Pushing a cart in the fresh produce section of the Costco, Halitosis, still wearing the mask but dressed down for the occasion wearing a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt, stops to talk to the camera.

Halitosis: I’ve come to Costco because now that Rah and I are the PCW Tag Team champions I’m going to have to up my game. My breath was bad before. I’m going to make it even worse. That’s right, I’m taking my bad breath to the next level and to do that, I need some groceries.

Halitosis take a bag of onions from the stall and slides it underneath the basket of the shopping cart.

Halitosis: Finding food conducive to bad breath isn’t hard to find. Start with onions. Then add in your basic garlic and spicy foods and add a little hot spice…

Halitosis throws into the cart a bag of garlic, jalapenos, green peppers, banana peppers, and curry powder. Then Halitosis pushes the shopping cart towards the canned food section.

Halitosis: Next, tuna and fish. Not only are tuna and fish high in protein, they also make your breath reek.

He scoops up several tins of tuna and adds them with the other items inside the cart.

Next stop, the deli counter.

Halitosis steers the shopping cart towards the expansive deli area. Arriving at the counter, he looks in the open glass showcase for the especially stenchy cheese products.

Halitosis: Now we get to the really good stuff. As they say, if you want to go French, expect a stench. In France, stink is considered a sign of a delicious aged cheese.

He bends down and surveys the myriad of different cheese choices behind the glass.

Halitosis: First, we’ll get some Brie, Roquefort, and Epoisses cheese. Oh, and some bleu cheese and Stilton too. Did you know cheeses that are marbled or have blue or green veins shot through tend to smell pungent? Of course, then there’s cheese that straight out spell out that they give your breath a nasty air to it.

He points down to another type of cheese inside the glass case.

Halitosis: That’s Stinking Bishop cheese- an English delicacy. The odor comes from the rind and can be charitably described as smelling like a pile of sweaty gym clothes. And then there’s the granddaddy of stinky cheese. Limburger. The smelliest cheese from Germany. Did you know that limburger is made using Brevibacterium linens? It’s the same bacterium that gives your feet and armpits their natural air.

Halitosis lifts his arm and smells his armpits. Then he shrugs and moves along.

A few minutes later, Halitosis pushes the cart with all his groceries through the exit door and walks down the sidewalk leading to the parking lot.

Halitosis: …so what I’ll do is mix this all together into a blender and turn this into a radioactive nuclear concoction that’ll give me all the extra paint peeling, eye-watering, mind blowing fragrance of rotting reekiness I’ll need when Rah and I face anyone who challenge us for the title. Why?

He points down to the lead lined metal container full of cheese, the onions, and all the spicy foods bagged up in the shopping cart.

Halitosis: Because victory is just one breath away.

MATCH #2 NON-TITLE MATCH: PCW Tag Team Champions The Island of Misfit Wrestlers- Rah and Halitosis with Regina McGill vs. Weapons of Mass Destruction- A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb with Daisy Cutter-Bomb Air raid sirens start going off. The crowd pops as they know who it is.

Johnny Suave: Two weeks ago, Weapons of Mass Destruction signed on to the Red Brand and vacated the tag belts. Tonight, they’ve come back because the Red Brand feels there’s a little unfinished business. They want to show their dominance over the PCW brand here tonight by having WMD defeat the reigning PCW Tag Team Champions. Let’s go to Kimber Marshall for the introductions.

*“Hit Me Like a Bomb”- Third Day*

Kimber Marshall: Accompanied by the ring by their kid sister Daisy Cutter-Bomb and a life size wooden statue of General George S. Patton carved out a hickory tree…weighing in at a combined weight of six hundred and thirty-five pounds…

Daisy comes out first pulling a wagon with the wooden statue of General Patton inside. Then A-Bomb and H-Bomb follow.

Kimber Marshall: …they are Advocates of the American Military Complex…

Weapons of Mass Destruction MGR: Daisy Cutter-Bomb A. Tom Bomb AGE: 37 / HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 315 / HOME: Alamogordo, NM FIN: Atomic Powerbomb Hy Drogen Bomb (Weapons of Mass Destruction) AGE: 35 / HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 320 / HOME: Alamogordo, NM FIN: Hydrogen Powerbomb

Johnny Suave: This is one of the roughest and toughest tag teams you will ever see in a ring.

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents…

Regina McGill, manager of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers, comes out first. Nothing fancy. Regina has a t-shirt that says ‘Island of Misfit Wrestlers’ on the front and simply walks out to the stage.]

Kimber Marshall: Managed by Regina McGill…

Next, a lucha wrestler walks out on the ramp. He is dressed in all black with a giant ‘H’ on the front of his shirt. He also has a strange greenish haze emitting from his mouth.

‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ Halitosis AGE: 30 HT: 6’ 0” WT: 195 / HOME: Chattanooga, TN FIN: Imploding Senton Bomb

Halitosis pumps his first in the air and then starts down the ramp towards the ring. He slap people’s hands along the way and then says hello to a young fan in the front row- the fan promptly collapses when he get a whiff of his breath.

Halitosis then moves on to the next one. He says hello. The fan gets a blast of his breath and falls to the ground.

He continues on to greet the fans along the way- oblivious to the carnage he leaves behind.

Halitosis reaches the ring area and continues to greet people around the front row. Again, they all pass out once they get downwind of his breath and soon, the scene looks like a set of dominos falling over as she goes around the perimeter. He climbs up on the ring apron and leaps over the top rope into the ring.

He goes to shake Kimber’s hand but the ring announcer bolts for the other side of the ring and tries to keep a safe distance away. Shrugging his shoulders, Halitosis looks out over the ropes and raises his arms in the air.

Kimber Marshall: And his partner, from-

Kimber is interrupted by a man dressed in an expensive suit and bow-tie who’s just climbed into the ring. He elbows her out of the way and gestures for Kimber to take a temporary powder because he’s the one who’s been given the honor and privilege of introducing a living deity.

Announcer Guy: Hit it!

Over the loudspeaker, a buzzing synth sound blares and the announcer guy raises the microphone to his mouth.

Announcer Guy (in a voice not unlike Michael Buffer): Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s. And just for your reference, he is, for 33 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important.

He pauses and looks out at the crowd as the lights turn off. A small spotlight illuminates the ramp where the BeachBronze Suntan Bikini Girls are standing.

The bikini girls pose on the ramp. Then two large, hulking men carry out a golden sedan chair holding a six foot eight inch, two hundred and eighty pound man dressed in long flowing robes inside.

Announcer Guy: Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the reason the Earth doesn‘t float away in the vastness of space…the reason it’s eighty degrees outside and not minus four hundred and fifty-nine point six seven…and the reason Brian Wilson wrote all those great songs…ladies and gentlemen…bow down before the Sunshine God…

Rah’s friend and middle-aged folk singer Happy Mango follows strumming a guitar along with the omnipresent Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy.

Announcer Guy: …RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The procession stops at the ring steps. Rah climbs out of his golden sedan chair and prepares to climb into the ring.

Kimber rips the microphone back from Rah’s announcer guy.

Rah!: The Sunshine God –Motivational speaker by day. Pseudo inspirational deity complete with eclectic entourage by night. AGE: 36 / HT: 6’ 8” WT: 295 HOME: San Diego, CA FIN: Eye of RAHHHHHHH!

She starts to head for the ropes but her right leg doesn’t move. Looking down, Kimber is dismayed to see Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy hanging on to her leg.

Kimber Marshall: THEY ARE THE ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS!…(out of the side of her mouth)…Bob, let go of my leg.

She tries to shake her leg to get Bob off of her.

Johnny Suave: Well? If Rah and Halitosis can win this, it will be a feather in the cap of PCW and a black eye to the Establishment…who are here tonight.

Cut to: The Coke Brothers, financiers of the American Patriots. They watch with great interest from an undisclosed location in the arena.

Johnny Suave: We will find out how this goes right after these messages.

=======================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

“Remember. If something bad happens to you- we’ll find someone to blame so you can get paid!”

Extreme Attorneys Felcher and Felcher ‘Seriously Bad Lawyers with Seriously Bad Combovers’

=======================

PCW ON THE ROAD March 1st – Genesis Convention Center / Gary, IN March 2nd – Hulman Center / Terre Haute, IN March 8th – United Wireless Center / Dodge City, KS March 9th – Tony’s Pizza Events Center / Salina, KS March 10th – Hartman Arena / Park City, KS March 16th – Jamestown Civic Center / Jamestown, SD March 22nd – Silverstein Eye Centers Arena / Independence, MO March 23rd – Qwest Center Omaha / Omaha, NE March 24th – Sanford Pentagon / Sioux Falls, SD April 6th – Loose Cannons Unleashed PPV @ the D.C. Armory / Washington, D.C. March 30th – Taft Coliseum / Columbus, OH

=======================

“Business never stops.”

Cut to: Men’s Room. Bathroom stall with the door closed. Pair of dress pants bunched up on the floor. The sound of someone busily typing on a laptop inside the stall.

Cut to: Women’s Room. The exact same thing.

“Just because we’re doing our business doesn’t mean we stop doing yours.”

Corporate World Conglomerate Empire, Incorporated

Available 24 hour / 7 days a week!

=======================

ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS VS. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION (continued) Referee Davey Keels calls for the bell.

*DING-DING*

Johnny Suave: And here we go.

The WMD come out on fire to start. A-Bomb and H-Bomb isolate Rah early on. They keep him trapped in their corner and alternate throwing right hands that rock the Sunshine God repeatedly early on. Even Daisy Cutter-Bomb gets a couple shots in while A-Bomb and H-Bomb occupy referee Davey Keels.

In the middle of the match, it’s still all WMD. Rah finally gets away from the corner and tags in Halitosis. But he gets steamrolled by the much bigger A-Bomb and then Hydrogen Power Bombed by H-Bomb. A-Bomb goes to cover but Dawn McGill desperately latches on to A-Bomb’s leg and prevents him from doing so. This causes Daisy to whip around the ring like a cruise missile looking for a target and she tackles McGill on the floor. Things get a little chaotic. Halitosis unleashes his lethal breath on H-Bomb and the big man drops to the mat. A-Bomb goes over and hits the Atomic Power Bomb on Halitosis. He goes for the pin but Rah makes the last ditch save.

Then at the end, A-Bomb is lobbing right hand bombs to Rah and the Sunshine God looks about done. Daisy Cutter-Bomb has Regina McGill laying in a crumpled heap on the floor after she hit a Daisy Cutter Powerbomb on her. A-Bomb lifts Rah up for an Atomic Power Bomb but PCW Owner Dawn McGill slides in and low blows him from behind. H-Bomb and Daisy Cutter-Bomb immediately chase after Dawn. Referee Keels tries to restore order but in the midst of the chaos, Halitosis sneaks in and hits A-Bomb with the full force of his putridly, noxious breath. A-Bomb drops to his knees and grabs his neck. Halitosis hits a spinning kick that takes A-Bomb down. Rah crawls over to make the cover. Keels sees it and before H-Bomb and Daisy can get back to make the save counts the one…two…three.

WINNERS: The Island of Misfit Wrestlers (Rah and Halitosis) at 14:15 (Edited to 6:00 for television)

The crowd pops.

Crowd: PCW! PCW! PCW!

WMD are pissed.

At their undisclosed location, The Coke Brothers are also pissed at the result.

Johnny Suave: The PCW Tag Team champions get the win with a little help from Dawn McGill tonight.

Dawn takes the microphone and has just three words for the Coke Brothers.

Dawn McGill: *BLEEP* the establishment.

Mic drop.

Cut back to Suave and Shania.

Suave immediately throws it backstage to Blair Moise as there’s an altercation in progress.

BACKSTAGE PCW Champion ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism is beating the holy hell out of Blue Brand Champion ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels in the back. PCW officials and Blue Brand officials swarm and try to tear the two men apart.

Blair Moise: Johnny, Stone Chism jumped Kevin Daniels as the Blue Brand Champion was backstage with his entourage.

Moise explains that Chism bulldozed his way through and nailed Daniels with a right hand. Both men then started lobbing heavy shots at each other until PCW and the Blue Brand stepped in to quell the strife.

Cut back to Suave:

Johnny Suave: This started up again after Daniels attacked Chism at the D.C. Armory Supershow two weeks ago after Chism successfully defended the PCW title against Jack Fraiser.

VIDEO: Replay of the aftermath of the Chism v. Fraiser match

Stone is in the middle of the ring and holds up the PCW title. A red blur hits the ring and shoulder blocks the champion. The belt goes flying through the air. Stone goes tumbling down to the mat halfway across the ring.

Close up- It’s ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels.

Daniels pulls Stone up…lifts him up into a vertical position…and hits the (real) Hollywood Blockbuster on the PCW Champion.

…

Stone’s splayed out on the mat. Daniels picks up the PCW belt and looks at it. He’s about to put the belt over Stone when another figure races in behind him. He spins Daniels around, kick to the gut…DDT!

Close up: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott!

Scott stands over the fallen Daniels and the PCW champion Stone Chism.

Cut back to the fracas.

Chism and Daniels are separated and Daniels is spirited out by the Blue Brand officials. In the group of people escorting Daniels out is Progressive Alliance financier George Moros.

Moros does not appear happy with the series of events.

As Daniels is led by one ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott, Scott looks at Daniels and then glances at the PCW champion. Chism notices Scott.

Kevin Scott: Soon.

Stone Chism: I know.

[‘Trumpet Concerto No. 2 in D major – 3 Allegro assai’ begins to play in the background and P-SPAN quickly cuts away to another political event.]