#This year I asked my mom to make tacos like how my Nana made them but she's like ugh frying oil stinks up the house

[animalcuckllective]

The baklava Andrew bought me is sooooo good, I'm so glad I asked for this for Christmas.

[bellaireland1981]

New Beginnings: CH 6

Characters: Andy Barber x Single Mom! Briella James (Named Reader), Jacob Barber, Ava James

Summary: Briella James is a HS teacher and has Jacob in her class. Jacob meets Briella’s 5 year old daughter and they form a bond. Andy is interested in Briella but her ex (and Ava’s dad) is becoming a problem!

Warnings: Mostly fluff, some angst, jerk of an ex that harasses Briella, kissing… will update in future chapters.

Word Count: 4084

A/N: I do Not own Andy Barber or Jacob Barber, they are fictional characters. I do not give permission for anyone to repost my work or translate it to another site. Reblogs always welcome!   This is my FIRST EVER attempt at writing for Andy…or any character, so be gentle!  THANK YOU to my friends for supporting me and encouraging me! I’m my own worst critic so I love their feedback! @denisemarieangelina @fluffymisha97 @jamielea81

Chapter 5     

Thankfully the rest of the week went pretty quickly. Friday morning, Ava was a ball of excited energy for dinner with Andy and Jacob. She wasn’t the only one. You couldn’t wait either.

Unfortunately, throughout the day you were inundated with texts and calls from your ex, which set you on edge. You managed to make it to your lunch before you broke down and actually called Andy. You planned to just leave a voicemail, as you were sure he was busy. You were happily surprised when he picked up.

“Hey, Sweetheart.” He said, “Are you on lunch? How’s your day going?”

“Yeah.” You said, “It’s much better now that I’m talking to you. I was just going to leave you a voicemail, but this is much better.”

“Everything ok?” He asked, concerned, “And unless I’m in court, I’ll always answer for you.”

“I’ve been getting a lot of texts and calls today from the ex.” You replied, shakily, “It’s just getting to me. It’s exhausting.”

“Forward me the messages,” he said, “I promise you, this will be over soon. In the meantime, we have tonight and tomorrow night together to look forward to.”

“That’s what’s getting me through.” You replied, “I can’t wait to see you. Ava is beyond excited as well.”

“Only a few more hours.” He said, “I can’t wait to see you and Ava either. How about you both come over at 4:30. Gives you time to get her picked up and I’ll leave work early and meet you at my house.”

“Sounds perfect.” You agreed. “I’ll let you get back to work, and I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll see you soon.” He said, “And you can call me whenever you need to.”

The rest of the day went smoother. The calls and texts tapered down so you were at least able to focus. Once your last class was finished, you wrapped up some last minute emails to parents, then shut your laptop, grabbed your stuff and headed out of the building.

You got Ava picked up from school and headed home to change before going to Andy’s. Ava insisted on wearing her Elsa pajamas, even though you repeatedly told her it was not a sleepover.  One thing you were sure of, the child was headstrong.  You changed into jeans and a lighter weight sweater. It was starting to get cooler, especially at night.

You arrived at Andy’s and parked behind his black Audi. Getting out of your car, you made your way around to get Ava out and the two of you walked up to the front door. Andy was already there waiting with the door open, smiling at the two of you.

“Hi Andy!” Ava exclaimed, bounding up the step and throwing her arms around him. He hugged her back, smiling at you over her head.

“Hey, Princess.” He said, “I hope you’re hungry. We’ve got lots of pizza on the way, and enough snacks to rival the movie theater.”

“I’m starving.” she confirmed, beaming up at Andy. “Where’s Jacob?”

“Right here” He said, coming up behind his dad. “Come on, let’s steak out the best seats for the movie.” Jacob reaches for Ava’s hand, helping her into the house.

“Hey, Beautiful.” Andy said smiling at you, “Come here.” He gently pulled you up the step into the house and into his arms. You felt your whole body relax into his embrace. The stress of the week and everything with your ex melting away.

“That was exactly what I needed.” you said smiling up at him, “Thank you.”

“If I’m being honest, I needed it too,” He replied, “It was a long day. I was more than happy to leave it all behind. Come on, let’s go inside, I’ve got wine or beer. You’ve earned it.”

Andy led you into the house and to the kitchen. It was a very nice house from what you saw of it so far. It was definitely larger than yours. Surprisingly, it looked very homey, not the bachelor pad you were expecting with two males living there. Jacob and Ava were seated in what looked like oversized bean bag chairs on the living room floor flipping through Disney+, deciding on which movie to watch. It was cute that Jacob was patiently flipping through them all, even though everyone knew the choice would be Frozen.

You’d decided beer sounded better for the evening, especially with pizza coming. You and Andy sat at the island in the kitchen sipping your beer, enjoying each other’s company while you waited for dinner to arrive.

“I wasn’t sure where you’d like to go tomorrow night, but some of the other lawyers at the firm suggested the new sushi and steak restaurant KoFusion. I made reservations but we can always go somewhere else if you’d prefer.” Andy said, taking a sip of his beer.

“That sounds perfect.” You replied, smiling. “I’ve actually been wanting to try it, but Ava isn’t really open to trying sushi or steak.”

“I don’t think I would have been much for them either at her age.” He laughed, “Jake may eat steak now, but I doubt I’d ever get him to try sushi.”

“I was planning on making them a mini taco bar for dinner.” You said, “It’s easy to make.”

“I know Jake loves tacos so he’ll be happy.” He replies.

The doorbell rang, signaling dinner’s arrival. Andy grabbed the pizza and paid the delivery person, bringing the pizza back to the kitchen. We loaded up plates for everyone, grabbed drinks for the kids and brought it all to the living room.

“We’re going to watch Frozen!” Ava declared, “Jacob said they haven’t seen it yet!”

“We were just hoping to get to watch it with you, Princess Ava.” Andy said smiling and winking at Ava, while handing Jacob his pizza.

“Be careful, Monkey.” I told her, handing her a plate.

“Mommy, I want a Princess party this year for my birthday!” Ava said, “And I want Jacob and Andy to come to my party!”

“When is your birthday, Ava?” Jacob asked.

“November 6th!” Ava said excitedly, “And guess WHAT?”

“What?” Jacob humored her smiling.

“I’ll be 6 years old!” She replied, “Mommy said it’s special because it’s my golden birthday!”

“That is very special, Ava!” Andy said, “We’d love to come to your extra special princess party.”

“We’ll go get the invitations next week and fill them out so you can pass them out to your friends.” You told her, “

Jacob starte the movie and we all watched while eating our dinner. Once everyone was finished, you stacked the plates on the coffee table until the movie was over. Andy scooted closer to you on the couch, pulling you into him. His arm was round you and relaxed against him, enjoying just being with him.

Halfway through the movie, Andy paused it and declared it was ice cream sundae time. Everyone went to the kitchen and built their own sundae before carrying it back to the living room to resume the movie.

After the movie was over you helped Andy to carry all of the dishes to the kitchen. You offered to help him with the dishes but he said he’d have Jacob help later. Ava was starting to get sleepy, so you got her tucked into the car and said goodnight to both Andy and Jacob. You were definitely looking forward to your date the next night.

“Drive safe and text me when you get home.” Andy said leaning in to kiss you gently through the driver’s side window.

“I promise” you replied, smiling.

By the time you got home, Ava was fast asleep. It was a good thing she’d worn her pajamas afterall. You didn’t want to wake her enough to brush her teeth, you figured one night wouldn’t hurt. Thankfully, she was still light enough you were able to carry her into the house and get her tucked into her bed. Once you finished that you text Andy to let him know you made it home. You exchanged a few more texts back and forth and then you too, decided to call it a night.

You spend most of Saturday getting errands run and household chores you’d neglected over the week completed. Ava spent a few hours with your parents while you got everything done. They were used to getting to spend time together on the weekends. Later afternoon you swung by to pick her up so that you could go home and get ready for your date.

“She’s welcome to spend the night here if you want, Sweetheart.” Your mom said, “That way you don’t have to rush home from your date.”

“Jacob is coming to the house to hang out with her while Andy and I go out.” You replied, “Those two are thick as thieves already.”

“All we heard about today was Jacob and Andy.” Your mom said smiling, “I can’t wait to meet them. Just be careful, Bri. I’d hate for Ava to get attached just to get her heart broken. You too for that matter.”

“I wouldn’t let her get attached if I wasn’t sure about this, Momma.” You reassure her, “I know it seems fast, and really, it is, but the connection is there… and it’s strong. Wait until you meet them, you’ll see.”

“How about you bring them over Sunday for a family dinner.” Your mom suggests.

“I can ask him.” You replied, “If this Sunday doesn’t work, we can always schedule for next week.”

“Just let me know.” she said.

Ava came in with her jacket already on, bouncing in excitement.

“Come on Mommy! Andy and Jacob are coming over soon!” She said. She ran and gave your parents hugs, “Bye Nana and Papa! I love you!”

“I’ve ever seen her in such a hurry to leave us before.” Your dad pouted, “We’ve got competition now, Honey.”

“That we do.” Your mom laughed, “Have fun tonight Baby doll! You can tell me all about your fun night with Jacob tomorrow, ok?”

“I will! And Mommy can tell you about her date with Andy!”

“I can’t wait.” Your mom said, winking at you.

“Love you both” You said, “I’ll call you about dinner.”

“Have fun, Sweetheart,” She said,”I’m really happy you’re getting back out there.”

Ava was already in her seat and buckled when you got to the car. On the ride home you glanced in the rearview mirror to look at Ava and noticed the same car had been behind you for several blocks. You shrugged figuring it was nothing and continued on your way home.

Once you pulled into your driveway and parked, you got Ava out and the two of you headed inside. She immediately started setting up the living room for a movie and game night. Poor Jacob would be kept busy for sure.

You decided it made more sense to get the taco meat cooked up and veggies chopped before getting ready, so you got to work on that while Ava was setting up the living room. She finished before you and came into the kitchen while you were getting everything ready.

“Mommy, can I have a snack?” She asked.

“There are apple slices and grapes in the fridge,”You told her, “Grab a bowl and you can put some fruit in it.”

“OK!” She carefully grabbed one of her bowls from the cupboard on the island and went to the fridge.

Twenty minutes later, all of the food was prepped and the taco meat was finished. You settled Ava on your bed  with her tablet geared up to one of her learning games and you started looking through your closet to decide what to wear.

“Mommy,” Ava said looking up from her tablet, “You should wear the pretty blue dress you wore to Nana and Papa’s party. Andy wears blue lots, I think it’s his favorite.”

“You think so?” You asked, smiling, “I like that dress a lot too. I think I will wear it! Thank you my sweet Monkey!”

She beamed then went back to playing her game as you quickly changed into the dress. It was a short sleeved, chiffon fit and flare dress, simple yet elegant. Most importantly, it was comfortable so you wouldn’t be readjusting it all night. You chose the diamond pendant necklace your parents gave you when you graduated college, and a pair of silver drop earrings to match. Once you were dressed, you went into your bathroom and did your makeup. You decided to leave your hair down, but quickly took the curling iron to it give it a little bounce. Finally you were as ready as you were going to get.

Satisfied with the end result, you finally stepped out of the bathroom.

“You look pretty, Mommy!” Ava said, “Is it almost time for Jacob to come?”

“Almost!” You confirmed, “And thank you, Monkey. Let’s go downstairs, I need to check my phone.”

Ava made herself comfortable on the couch, while you went to your phone. You had several messages from your ex. You chose to ignore them for now. You didn’t want anything to ruin the night with Andy. You had one message from Andy, which you tapped to open.

Andy: We’re leaving now, be there shortly. See you soon. XX

You checked the time stamp and the current time and realized they’d be here any minute.

“Mommy! They’re HERE!” Ava exclaimed, launching herself off of the chair by the window where she’d apparently taken up watch.

“Give them a moment to get to the door, Monkey” You laughed, “Don’t go flying out of the house.”

You started to head to the door to open, but Ava flew past and beat you to the door. She remembered to look back and check that it was OK for her to open the door. Once you’d given permission she quickly pulled the door open. Andy and Jacob were just getting to the door.

“Hi Jacob!” she greeted him, happily, before launching herself at him to hug him. Jacob chuckled, bending down a bit to hug her back.

“Hey Ava!” He replied, “Ready to watch movies, eat junk food and stay up past your bedtime?”

“YES!” She confirmed, “Can you always be my babysitter? Not even Nana and Papa let me do all that!”

“I’m not sure you’re supposed to reveal your master plan while the parents are present, Jake.”  Andy laughed.

“Hi Andy!” Ava said, breaking away from Jacob to hug him, then looking at the button up dress shirt he wore, added, “I knew blue was your favorite color! I told Mommy  to wear the blue dress because she would be pretty and it was your favorite color!”

“Blue is my favorite color,” He confirmed smiling at her, then looking up at you, he said, “And your mommy looks beautiful.”

“Told you, Mommy!” Ava beamed, happy having helped you out.

“You did tell me, Monkey.” You replied smiling, then to Andy said, “You’re looking pretty handsome yourself.”

“Ok, Ava,” Jacob said, playfully rolling his eyes, “Let’s get away from these two.” The pair headed into the living room, Ava already chatting a mile a minute.

“Hey, Sweetheart.” Andy smiled, stepping into the house, and closing the door. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in close and dropping a quick kiss onto your lips.

“Hi.” You replied, smiling up at him, “Looks like we’ve learned how to clear the kids out of a room.”

“That’s going to be a handy skill to have.” He agreed, laughing. You both made your way into the living room where the kids were.

“Ok, the tacos are all ready to go, although you may want to reheat the meat. There are drinks in the fridge. Ava knows where all of the snacks are. Just make sure she isn’t bouncing off the walls from too much sugar.” You laugh, “There are emergency numbers on the fridge. If you need anything, just call or text.”

“We’ll be fine” Jacob assured you, “I’ve got this. You guys go have fun and don’t worry. We’ll be having too much fun here to even miss you.”

“I’m feeling the love here.” You teased him. “I know you’ll be fine, I’m not worried in the slightest.”

After hugging them both, they pretty much shoved you and Andy out of the house.

Once you arrived at the restaurant, Andy quickly came around and opened your door. He held your hand as the two of you made your way into the restaurant, only separating for him to open the door and then his hand landed on your back, gently guiding you into the building. Once inside, he took your hand in his own again.

You were seated at a semi-private table toward the back of the restaurant. Your waiter took your orders for drinks and then left you to look over the menu.

“This all looks amazing.” You said, “How is anyone supposed to make a decision?”

“I was thinking the same thing” he laughed, “How about we get a variety and we can try it all?”

“That’s a brilliant idea.” You agreed.

The waiter returned with your drinks and you placed your orders. You took a sip of the wine to help calm your nerves. You weren’t nervous around Andy, just being on a date after not dating for over 5 years was causing a little anxiety.

“I haven’t been on a first date since college.” Andy said, as if reading your thoughts. “I have to say, this one is already far better.”

“I haven’t been on any date of any kind since before Ava was born.” You replied, “But I can say with certainty that this one is already better than any date I’d been on before that.”

“Here’s to many more dates together.” Andy said, raising his glass to you. You raised yours toasting.

“And possibly to last first dates.” You said, smiling.

“I’ll definitely drink to that.” He agreed, smiling back at you.

“Ava spent the morning with my parents while I was running errands and according to them she didn’t stop talking about you and Jacob.” You told him. “They offered to keep her tonight but she wasn’t trying to miss out on time with Jacob.”

“I think Jake would have been bummed to miss out on time with Ava too.” Andy said, “I think he really likes having someone look up to him.”

“They’re good for each other.” You agreed, “My mom invited you and Jacob to dinner tomorrow, I told her I’d pass along the invite. It feels weird to say that on a first date. You don’t have to accept, I know it’s really soon.”

“We’d love to.” Andy reassured you, “It might be soon by others’ standards, but I’ve had enough of living by others’ standards. I think we just need to do this our own way.”

“I like the sound of that.” You agree, “We can make our own standard.”

The waiter brought the dishes to the table. You and Andy enjoyed the variety of sushi, trying different kinds. Conversation continued to flow during dinner. It honestly felt like you’d been on many dates by the time you were finished eating.

“I don’t think our kids want us home yet, and I’m not ready for this date to end.” Andy said, “Do you want to go for a walk by the lake?”

“I’d love to.” You said, “I’m not ready to go home yet either.”

After paying the bill, Andy leads you out to where the car is parked. He opens your door for you, and you slide into the passenger seat. He quickly walks around to the driver’s side and gets in. The drive to the lake doesn’t take long and being pretty deserted, it’s easy to find parking. Andy once again comes around to open your door and offers his hand to help you out of the car.

You’re glad you thought to grab the lightweight sweater to wear with your dress. It provides enough cover to where you’re not going to get cold while enjoying time with Andy.

You make your way to the path that leads along the lake, Andy taking your hand in his, your fingers intertwining.

“I’m really enjoying the milder fall weather this year.” You said, “It’s been really nice to be able to be outside longer. I’m hoping it holds through Ava’s birthday before it gets cold.”

“I imagine it would be easier to hold the party outside as opposed to all of those kids inside the house.” He chuckled, “I’ve really loved the weather being so mild too. It allows me to go for walks by a lake with a beautiful woman.”

“Smooth, Mr. Barber.” You laughed, “And yes, holding the party outside would be much less of a headache.”

“I’m only stating facts, Sweetheart.” He smirked, “And whether the party is inside or out, Jake and I can help wrangle kids.”

“That would be most helpful.” You said, smiling.

The two of you continued to walk along the path, stopping when you arrived at a pier. Andy led you to the end where there was a bench and you both sat down, close to one another. He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you in close, and you relaxed into his side.

“I haven’t been this happy or relaxed in a long time.” Andy admitted. “Even before everything exploded with Jake and then after...with the accident… I wasn’t happy. I was trying. I wanted to be happy and to want the life we had, but it felt too forced. I can’t remember the last time I was happy. Meeting you and getting to know you better, has changed everything. I don’t know if I deserve to be happy, but I’m going to hold on to this.”

“You deserve to be happy, Andy.” You said, turning slightly so you could look into his eyes. “I thought I was happy with my ex, I thought I wanted to marry him, but once he walked out when I got pregnant, I realized that I wasn’t actually happy with him. I don’t know that I ever really loved him. Being with you though, makes me happy.”

His hand comes up to cup your face, his head lowering to yours. His lips connected with your own, his beard rubbing against your face. His tongue licked at the seam of your lips, asking for entry. You allowed him access, your own tongue snaking out to meet his. The kiss deepened, he pulled you closer into him, your arms wound around his middle. You continued to kiss until you finally had to break apart for air. His hand stayed cupping your face, his thumb brushing against your kiss swollen lips.

“Maybe we should have had your parents keep Ava,” Andy teased, his voice husky, “We could have continued this without a curfew.”

“Maybe next time,” You smiled, “Depriving Ava of Jacob wouldn’t have won you any points.”

“I wouldn’t want that.” He agreed, “I need her on my side.”

“I think you’re good on that front.” You assured him.

“As much as I would love to stay out here with you, we should probably start to head back.” Andy said, reluctantly.

“We probably should.” You agreed.

You walked back towards his car hand in hand. On the drive back to your house, Andy kept your hand in his own, driving one handed.

Once you arrived back at your house, Andy parked and came around to you. This time when he helped you out of the car, he pulled you into him and kissed you again.

“I can definitely get used to that.” You said, smiling.

“Me too.” He said. “Shall we head in to see what the kids are up to?”

You nodded, turning to head to the front door. As you turned, movement caught your eye on the street. You turned your head to investigate and felt your stomach drop. In the street light, you were able to see the same car that you’d thought had been following you yesterday. With the light, you were able to see the driver.

“Andy” You said shakily, “It’s him. That’s my ex in the car.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, turning quickly to see the driver before he drove off down the street.

“Yes.” You confirmed, “I think he followed me yesterday too.”

“Let’s go inside.” He said, guiding you up to the door.

@nickysurfer28  @waywardodysseys​ @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss​

[lovemesomesurveys]

What was the main subject of your last telephone conversation? I called my mom last night while she was at the store and asked if she could grab me Taco Bell on the way home, lol. When was your last long conversation in general? My mom telling me about some stuff that happened with our family friend. If the last person you kissed tried to kiss you again, would you start kissing them back? That would be so awkward if he tried because it’s been so long now, like it would be totally unexpected. I honestly don’t know what I would do. If your best friend of the opposite sex tried to kiss you, would you start kissing them back? I don’t have a best friend of the opposite sex. Have you ever kissed someone who’s previously kissed someone you hated? No.

What do you like most about the song you’re listening to or the one you last listened to? The last song I listened to was a Christmas song and I just love everything about it. Can you explain in detail exactly what you were doing four hours ago? I think I was watching TV. Can you explain what you’ll be doing in three hours? That’ll be 3:30AM and I’ll be up waiting for my mom and brother to get back from taking our family friend to the airport out of town. I’m a worrier, so I want to know they got home before I go to sleep. When’s the last time you did something illegal? *shrug* When’s the last time you yawned? Just now. Was your last sexual encounter enjoyable and how would you rate it? What’s the largest age difference between you and someone you’ve hooked up with? I haven’t hooked up with anyone. How much money did you spend today? Zero so far. What did you spend that money on? Where did you go today? It’s only 12:32AM, so I haven’t gone anywhere so far. I will be attending an event tonight with my family, though. What’s the first line in the song you’re currently listening to or the one you last listened to? I know it was a Christmas song, but I forget which one it was at the moment. What exactly did you drink the last time you were intoxicated? I think it was a Jack and Coke. How much sleep are you anticipating on getting tonight? Probably none. When’s the last time you gave someone a dirty look? I did jokingly to my brother yesterday. Are you a rude person? No. I admit to getting moody and short sometimes, but I’m not a rude person. It’s not who I am in general. Would you ever think about painting your ceiling your favorite color? Why just my ceiling, though? Do you think the next person you kiss will be a better kisser than the last person? I don’t know? On a scale of one to ten, how attractive do you honestly find yourself on most days? Zero. Is your all-time favorite television show still on air? Some of them are. I have a lot of favorite shows. Are you planning any upcoming vacations? No, unfortunately. When’s the last time you spent time with the one you have feelings for? I don’t have any romantic feelings for someone right now. How old are the last two people you kissed? 28, soon to be 29. Who was the last person to text you before you went to bed last night? My Nana. She wanted me to send her a picture of our Christmas tree. It was like 10PM and that’s what she was thinking about lol she’s cute. Last person you kissed calls wanting to hang out, what do you say? I honestly wouldn’t even answer the phone. I’m horrible about that unless it’s one of my parents or brother. People know to just text me, but even that I’ve been awful about. :/ When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? It’s been like 3 years. Do you cry easily? Yes. Some days it’s worse. Ever cried while you were on the phone with the last person you kissed? No. Are you worried about anything right now? Always. How do you think tomorrow will be? My mom and I might venture out for some last minute Christmas shopping. Do you wish you could take one thing back? I wish I could take a lot of things back. Is there a guy who knows everything or almost everything about you? Not really. If you could pack your bags right now and were given a plane ticket, where do you go? Wow. I’d have to really think about that, but man I’d love for that to happen. Do you believe exes can really ever be “just friends”? Some can. Your parents said they were moving, what would your reaction be? Well, I’d be going with them for one. For two, we’ve been wanting to move for a long time so it’s been something we’ve talked about. What did your last text say? My Nana asking me to send a photo of our Christmas tree. Have you ever fallen asleep texting someone? Yeah. Have you hugged anyone in the past 72 hours? No. Have you ever given anyone more than three chances? Plenty of chances. Who was the last person to annoy you? My dad. What’s the last thing you watched on tv? Everybody Loves Raymond. When’s the last time you really laughed? Why? Yesterday over something in a video. Do you like school? I liked it overall. Will your next kiss be a mistake? I would hope not. Do you have any text messages that you don’t want other people to read? Nah. Is it hard for you to get over someone? Yes. Is there anyone who hates you? Not that I’m aware of, but I’m sure there are a couple who are pissed off at me. Are you thinking about anyone? Now I am. Do you miss the way things used to be? Yeah, I miss the way a lot of things used to be. Your last kiss, on a bed or standing? Sitting in a car, I think. Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours? No. Which room in your house tends to be the coldest in the winter time? The whole house can get pretty cold. Who were you with the last time you went out for food? My brother. Were you in a good mood last night? I was okay. Would you rather take a cruise ship or airplane to get to your destination? Airplane. Do you like winter? Love it. Are you trying to grow out your hair? It’s already down to my butt. Do you find the show Jersey Shore ridiculous? Yes. Which friend are you most similar to? I had a friend who was basically the same person, it was weird. We were so much alike. What was the last liquid that you choked on? Water. How many times did you wake up today before actually getting up? I haven’t gone to bed, yet. What breed was the last dog you saw? My pup is a Lab/German Shepherd mix. When you sign your name do you use your middle name? Nope. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Both. Describe the last place you went farther than one mile from your house? When I went with my brother to pick up some Christmas decorations at this store about 20-30 minutes away. Who did you celebrate your last birthday with? My parents, younger brother, grandparents, aunt, and cousin. Do you have anything important to do today? I’m going to an event tonight with my family. Was your last kiss initiated by you or the other person? Him. What appliance in your house had a light bulb burn out last? My ceiling fan lamp. Do you buy a ton of things at the store at once or just for that day? Well, we have our big grocery shopping trips and then we have our smaller, quick trips in between when needed where we just grab something we need for dinner or something. What did you last eat that required milk? Oatmeal. What brand of clothing dominates your wardrobe? *shrug* When getting dressed do you put your pants or shirt on first? Pants. What color was the last thing you ate? Burrito and tacos color. When you kiss a person where do your hands usually go? Wherever. When drinking hard alcohol do you take shots more or make mixed drinks? Depended on my mood. Sometimes I just wanted to get straight to the point and went for the shots. What is one song you listen to that you’re sure not many people do? *shrug* Have you ever woken up next to someone after a night of drinking? No. Is your toilet paper on the right or left side of the toilet? Left. Have you worn shorts or pants more in the past seven days? I only wear leggings, sweats, or pajama pants. Have you ever been told you’ve punched someone in your sleep? Not punched, but hit. I’m told I move my arms around a lot in my sleep. Do you use a handrail onstairs if there is one? I can’t take the stairs. What was the last thing you saw that made you smile? My pup. What is your favorite drinking game? I don’t drink anymore. Do you have any tattoos that you don’t like anymore? No tattoos. What was the last thing you sat on? I’m on my bed. Who was the last person to sleep in your bed? Just me. Do you have a shower curtain or door? Door. When can you legally go to an American bar? I’ve been able to for 8 years. If a bug is in your car, do you kill it or try to push it out your window? EW I freak out until someone else gets rid of it. Does your mail go to a P.O Box or to a mailbox at your house? Our house. Is there laundry in your room that could be done? Yes. Who was the last person from your high school graduating class you saw? Amanda. That was almost 3 years ago... :X

[myuun]

haha when u want to die because ur poor and stupid 

failed japanese class haaaaaaah hahah

not that i didn’t already figure i would fail it because i have the brain of a cabbage and i dont have the will to tell my mom because you know what, why bother. i know exactly what she’s going to say. even her knowing i will graduate in three years is earth-shattering since everyoooone of my cousins is already beyond what i’ve accomplished. hell all my friends back at home are graduates. but at this point i doubt ill even graduate from university.

i failed japanese so of course now i need to add an extra year to my three years of university, something which i can’t actually pay for. my dad said he would help me for this year and then two more years, but now that i failed japanese i would need one more year to finish it. which i can’t pay for that. i can’t afford it, for one damn class its over $4000. 

i am literally going to university level japanese classes only to end with a degree of nothing because i can’t actually afford the final year. i mean i can fucking sneak into the classes no prob but what does it even mean without an actual university degree.

i have a friend who makes me feel so small with how smart he is. i love him to pieces but when i see him, i see myself reflected against him and see just how little i am in comparison. he’s about the same age as i am and he has accomplished so much. what have i done with my life? 

i know ive traveled across the world to meet the love of my life and now im engaged. but the how much worth that is for me is worth absolutely nothing to my family. so what? you got a boyfriend? you’re happy? 

happiness doesn’t feed you or clothe you. happiness is worth nothing at all. money is everything. money gets you everywhere you want. my family only counts worth my dollar signs. 

i can barely do those things myself. i can barely hold it together. and i get so damn angry at just how much i miss mexico right now. how much i miss simple and easy food. how easy it was to just lock myself in my room, think nothing, know nothing, and just eat. i would give fingers for some tacos right now. for some brothy soup. for anything, any scraps made by my nana. i miss having food all the time.

i miss not crying about not having enough. 

the other day when i got the email from my dad telling me off for asking him for money, really, begging him for money is more like it, and him telling me that i am already near 30 and that i should be embarrassed. 

i am.

everyday i am embarrassed to still have to go to him for money. every single day i am always always embarrassed to have to grovel and beg and plead because i am always always in debt. 

“get a job”

i am trying so hard to do so but no one wants to hire me. why would they even hire someone who is a foreigner on a student visa? no one wants to hire someone with low experience. the only advice i get is get a job and that advice is blocked by a large wall of rejection.

i feel like a little ball that keeps having needles stuck into it by everyone. one after another. and i just leave them there to rot inside.