#This works especially well if A's case is way worse than B's.

[elacular-kink]

Regarding "We've both got the hiccups" as a phrase I frequently obsess over, a mental image I really like is the person with the fetish being nearly paralyzed with embarrassment and practically hiding behind the person without, who's very embarrassed themself, but still having to (and willing to) do all the talking for their partner.

"*HIC-CULP!* Ah! E-ex–*hmk* excuse me! You'll re–*HEEK*–mmf! R-really have to exc---excuse both of us, *hup* we've both caught a nast–*eep* nasty ca–*uck* case of the hiccups. *hmp* B here's doing their be–*uck* best to keep quiet. *HIUK* NNhf! U-unlike myself it *hk* seems. *hmk* Excuse me."

...hm. Usually I don't like the word "nasty" as a descriptor, but it felt right there. Weird.

[floral-ashes]

Canada’s First Trans Healthcare Ban

Alberta’s anti-trans bills have dropped. A few observations. 🧵

The first thing I notice, and which is cause for hope, is that the bills do not invoke the notwithstanding clause. They can thus be challenged in Court, and struck down as unconstitutional. 

The healthcare ban is worse than they announced, at least in its present form. They ban all gender-affirming surgeries until 18, as expected. They also ban puberty blockers and hormones for minors. So far, the same as we expected. 

However, the bill is set up so that the ban is total for all minors *unless* the Minister creates an exception for some. This means that even 16-17 year olds whose parents consent cannot receive puberty blockers or hormones. They may plan to allow it, but it’s not in the law. 

There is also no clause that allows youth who are alreadyon puberty blockers or hormones to continue. This is especially concerning because it means they’ll lose access if there’s any delay with planned Ministerial orders—if they even plan to make an order. 

Unsurprisingly, it seems that the law wasn’t drafted by someone who is knowledgeable about trans realities. As a result, transition-related surgeries are defined as those that “treat gender dysphoria or gender incongruence.” 

While the loophole is unlikely to work, a literal reading would allow transition-related surgeries that are motivated by gender euphoria, framed as cosmetic, or understood through a depathologizing lens. The fact slightly amuses me, but again it’s unlikely to actually help. 

The name and pronouns policy is as expected. Trans minors will be forcibly outed to their parents if they request a change of name or pronouns that is related in some way to their gender identity. Parental consent isn’t required for those aged 16-17, but they still get outed. 

There is no exception to the outing requirement, even if it poses a grave risk. All it says is that schoolboards must give counselling or other assistance before outing the kids, in such a case. 

This creates a small loophope—willing schools could delay outing for some time and argue that it still respects the law. However, they still can’t respect under-16 trans youth’s name or pronouns without parental consent, and they must still out them eventually. 

If the law is applied negligently or unreasonably, and a child ends up seriously hurt or dead? Too bad—the law strongly protects people from liability if they believe they’re applying the law and are doing so in good faith. 

For an overview of why these rules are dangerous and unconstitutional, here is my recent Alberta Law Review article on the topic:

How about sexual education? Well, it’s basically dead. The law makes it mandatory for schools to receive Ministerial approval for any material primarily and explicitly related to gender identity, sexual orientation, or human sexuality. 

In addition to the material needing approval, any third-party who delivers the material must be separately approved by the Minister. 

Even if the material is approved, teachers must (a) notify parents at least 30 (!) before teaching it, and (b) ensure alternative instruction for students whose parents didn’t consent. 

This isn’t really an opt-in system. While it’s superficially opt-in, the requirements are so absurdly onerous that nobody will teach materials related to gender identity, sexual orientation, or human sexuality.

It’s as simple as that—sexual education is dead in Alberta. 

The only small comfort is that only regulating materials “primarily and explicitly” about these topics could serve as a good loophole for rebellious teachers. Incidental and indirect discussions of gender identity, sexual orientation, and human sexuality are expressly allowed. 

Lastly, the sports ban. To my surprise, there’s actually no ban on trans women in sports. One less thing on my plate!

Now there is indeed a law about sports, it just doesn’t quite reach the level of a ban. Instead, the bill tells schools and sports bodies to create a policy on fairness and safety in sports, including eligibity requirements and procedures for verifying eligiblity. 

The law also creates a mandatory reporting mechanism for any complaints related to that policy or to (more or less) trans inclusion in sports. This is unsurprisingly hypocritical—conservatives love surveillance states as much as they love to complain about ‘big government.’ 

This bill doesn’t so much ban trans women from sports as provide a cover for any organization that wants to do so. That they should ban trans people is a thinly-veiled subtext, but it’s legally-speaking only a subtext. 

The law also includes broad protection from liability for mostly anyone—including sports participants—who is trying to implement the act ‘in good faith.’ If racists decide to harass a Black woman and claim that she’s not a woman, as we have seen all-too-often in elite sports? If an adult decides to do ‘genital verifications’ on a child? They’re effectively protected from civil liability, so long as they claim it’s in good faith. Scary stuff...

That’s a wrap, but I’m happy to answer any questions about the bills!

[roseykat]

What about alpha Minho/omega Jisung X alpha fem! Reader?? The two alphas fucking each other roughly because it's their nature and they constantly try to dominate the other, both of them fucking their little Omega until he cries and shakes in their hold, marking him as their mate

The three of the spending their ruts/heats together...

That's it

Thank you for giving me free rein (again) over another topic, and I think this is the first A/B/O type hard thought that I’ve written on this account lmao

Imagine the sheer, untapped ferocity between alpha Minho and alpha reader whenever dominance is at stake. Not to mention whenever their doe eyed, freshly marked mate is watching as well before he gets clawed into the mess. His alphas’ ruts are brutal and totally unforgiving, but to me, Jisung holds the mental faculty as a natural pleaser. Yes omega’s submit to alphas, but Jisung just submits in general because that’s also his personality and not just his genes (in this AU anyway).

So even if he didn’t possess the genetic makeup of an omega, that man is on his knees, awaiting further instructions from reader and Minho without question.

They’d fuck him harsh and senseless, using his holes at their own will until he’s crying from how good his insides feel. Even though he likes it hard, fast, rough, and will take both of them at the same time on any given day, his alpha’s can go overboard sometimes. But he knows it’s not their fault and they know that if there’s anything that’s as equally bad if not worse than a rut, it’s when Jisung goes into heat.

Slightly similar to his partners ruts, it’s uncontrollable and unbearable if nothing is done about it. He could absolutely go on heat suppressants to help lessen the intensity of them. But it doesn’t make them disappear. He’ll still present all the symptoms of being in heat when it swings around, and if he’s especially unlucky, they don’t work.

If that’s the case, Minho and reader have to prepare for their mates heats just as he prepares for their ruts.

Jisung’s can’t withstand his physiological needs and will beg, cry, or both sometimes, for his alphas to fuck him. When they’re not around, it’s not an uncommon occurrence for reader and/or Minho to catch Jisung with an article of clothing from each of them, bought up to his nose as he tries to finger his slick hole on their bed.

The need to be fucked by his alphas surpasses all rationality. His body screams at him to be knotted and bred. So when he again, goes crying to his alphas, sobbing at their feet because his body hurts without them, they don’t hesitate. It’s fairly usual for the two alphas to offer their bodies. To fuck him into the mattress repeatedly, and it’s never just once when he’s in heat. Not even twice. He’s going until his heat ends, which can last for days at a time.

The worst was when Jisung had an irregular heat that lasted for just over a week. It was exhausting for all parties, particularly Jisung. But both alphas had to find and create ways that would satisfy Jisung’s needs until their own stamina replenishes. So Reader and Minho went out to buy sex toys for Jisung to use, which at first, takes the edge off a bit, but it’s not long after until his skin starts crawling with what feels like fire, and the only way to put it out or to satiate it, is if Minho and or reader fucks him until he’s unable to hold a single transient thought in his pretty little head.

Now when Jisung’s heat triggers a rut for either Minho and or Reader, then it’s beneficial for all three of them because they’re getting what they want. Not to mention it’s the most likely and accurate point in time where it’s possible for Minho (and or Reader) to breed Jisung.

Some AU’s suggest that female alphas can’t get male omegas pregnant, some say the opposite - I’ll leave that up to whoever is reading this to decide that for themselves x

[olderthannetfic]

ok drama from my side of the pond.

Story: This one poc content creator got really popular in recent years. She is objectively from a really privileged background. Insanely privileged by some standards tbh. The stupid part is that nobody actually cares, she seems to make it a bigger issue herself than literally anyone ever. When she first became big she talked about her childhood and it was kinda obvious that she was really out of touch with some major things when it came to her upbringing and her privilege.

She has made posts defending other poc but always with a bit of that "I'm so humble" attitude, which some people had issues with. Not humble in the "I was raised in a privileged household" because she hates acknowledging it, but humble in the "I'm from a more privileged poc status". Literally, paraphrasing she basically said that in more words. Some people have joked that she has a bit of a savior complex.

She is friends with some random white content creator who's more popular and well known than her, but that content creator has also been at it for a decade more + has done a lot of other stuff outside internet content creation so no shit.

Recently some petty drama happened between the white content creator and some random people. You know the typical "how dare a woman be popular" crowd, and she responded very bluntly to the bullshit.

Well what would you think a friend would say in that case? Let's play a game: A) Would a friend support her friend bts. B) Publicly defend her friend. C) Would she be quiet and let her friend do her thing. D) Would she backhandedly make a defence post and then comment "I can't believe I gotta stand up for a privileged white person..." and some stuff about white women always expecting poc do their dirty work. If you guessed D: 🥇

Literally nobody has any idea what the point was. White content creator basically had it handled, never asked for support and was doing her thing, sure there was some pushback and criticism for being so blunt. But it was water under the bridge and most people were on her side. There was no need for the poc content creator to even say a single word.

Some people have been commenting that the poc creator has been more and more hostile towards her white friend for some time now, which seemed have ramped up when the poc creator was "confronted" by the fact that she has more privilege than many other poc especially of her own race/ethnicity, and that her talking on certain things feels dishonest; basically her background and upbringing and how she some times frames herself as having been less privileged than she was. Again, nobody initially cared about her silver spoon, but she started making it a bigger issue and tried to talk about things she as a person with privileged background really can't comment on.

So now people, especially poc fans of either or both have been talking about how she really needs to dial it down because she's not garnering any sympathy by trying to pretend that she's worse off than she actually is, by trying to frame the white content creator as using the poc creators voice as a poc to do her dirty work. Again, nobody even demanded nor cared about her and nobody expected her to join in. It was actually considered really fucking weird when it happened, especially in the way it did. One thing that has been reoccurring is that some people have mentioned that she might try to make herself more "oppressed" than she is, but since she has wealth and everyone knows about it, she needs to put all her cards on "I'm poc, and my white friend is actually using me."

It's been fucking wild because she's been attacking anyone who dares question her reason, and she keeps using the "You just hate me bc I'm poc" even when it's poc people questioning/calling her out, especially with all the stuff from the past years and her behavior.

--

[genderlessghoul]

Episode 19482938 of me having Feelings™ and making Phantom pay for it. I do be projecting on that ghoul way to much.

Anyways this one is called "Phantom is a dumbass that doesn't want to use proper binder etiquette and Dew had to scold him for it. There's trans angst in it."

~1.2k

“When's the last time you took your binder off?”

Phantom flinches at the question, tries not to look like he's about to be caught in a lie. He doesn't take his eyes off the tv screen, this is a very serious game of Mario Kart. Dew is unimpressed by his attempt at ignoring the question and walks up to him, hits the button on the controller he knows will pause the game.

“Look me in the eyes, Phantom.”

His tone is commanding, there's no escape possible. The quintessence ghoul sets the controller by his side on the couch and looks up at the fire ghoul. 

“When’s the last time you took your binder off?”

He repeats, annoyance evident in his tone.

“Last night. I don't sleep in it, like you told me to.”

Phantom knows that's not entirely what he meant but he'll be damned (well… more than he already is) if he doesn't try to deflect.

“You know full well that's not what I meant. When's the last time you took a day off from it? And don't even think about lying, I'm the one who does your laundry.”

Phantom shifts in his seat, already done with the conversation. He's not fond of Dew babying him like this all the time.

“Why do you ask, if you already know?”

“Becauuuuse” the fire ghoul starts, crossing his arms over his chest “I want you to be the one to tell me what you're doing to your body. You might not like it but it's the only one you got.”

The younger ghoul slumps back against the couch and rolls his eyes. “I dunno, a week maybe?”

“Try two weeks.”

“Can't have been that long…”

“It has.” Dew's tone gets more firm as he steps fully in front of the other ghoul. Satanas, they can be stupid when they're so fresh. “You need to take days off from it, you can't just wear it for weeks like that.”

“Why not? I'm not sleeping in it, like you said. I'm not wearing it for longer than eight hours, like you said. I'm not doing physical labor in it, like you said. Feels like everything should be fine!”

“Are you trying to fuck up your ribs forever? Because it feels like you're trying to fuck up your ribs forever.”

“I'm trying not to want to jump off the abbey's roof. I thought you understood that well enough.”

Dew takes a deep breath and leans forward to rest his hands on Phantom's shoulder. His eyes focus on the quintessence ghoul's, who refuses to meet his gaze. He tries to soften his voice before he speaks again.

“I do understand, baby boy. But I can't let you be reckless with your own health like that. You gotta take it off now.”

Phantom lets out a sigh before bringing his eyes up to Dew. “I don't like the way it feels when I don't have it on. Especially now, it just… it's just been worse recently.”

“I know, baby. I know. Come, let me show you a thing or two that might help.”

He takes Phantom's hand in his own and gently coaxes him up, pulling him to the fire ghoul's room. He orders him to sit on the bed and take off his shirt and binder while Dew rummages through the drawers in his dresser for something. The quintessence ghoul is slow to obey but he eventually does, taking his t-shirt to hide himself once his top half is bare. 

Dewdrop makes a triumphant noise when he finally finds what he's looking for and turns back to the younger ghoul sitting uncomfortably on the edge of his bed. He raises an eyebrow at him.

“You do know I've seen you naked before, right? Like… multiple times.”

“Like I said… it's been worse.”

Dew's eyes soften on him, he remembers all too well what it was like to get those periods where even acknowledging the two mounds (more like knobs, really, in his own case) of flesh on his chest was too much to bear. “It's okay. You know we're working hard to get a date scheduled. In the meantime, you have to make sure you take care of your stupid lungs.”

He walks back to the bed, piece of fabric in hand and presents it to Phantom. “It's a sports bra. It doesn't do the same job as a binder at all but it'll help on days where you can't wear it. Rain wears one almost all the time now, just 'cuz it's more comfortable.”

Phantom takes it from Dewdrop and takes a moment to examine the piece. It's black and stretchy, but a firm stretch. The straps are thinner than he's used to, he thinks it might become a sensory issue but he wills himself to pull it over his head.

Dew's right, it doesn't do the same job as a binder, but it does help make his chest appear smaller. And it's a lot more comfortable. He tries taking a deep breath and finds no resistance or discomfort at all. He thinks he might get used to it. Dewdrop throws a loose shirt his way.

“Try it with this.”

Phantom obeys and walks over to the mirror mounted on the wall. The swell of his breasts is still noticeable but it's barely there. Enough to last a couple days, he thinks. Enough to give himself a break.

“If you really need to” Dew steps closer to him and settles in his back, watching both their reflection “we can try tape again too. I know it didn't exactly go smoothly last time but it'd be better if you let me help, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Phantom almost chokes on the word. 

Binder, sports bra, loose clothes, tape, so many things with so many rules just to make others see him the way he wants to be seen, just to make him feel better about his own body. His own body. He's seen the way his packmates drip with confidence, the love they have for the way they look. He knows some of them worked harder than others for it but they all have it. All he has is disgust and shame, no amount of hiding will change that. Why was he not summoned properly? Why is his body nothing but wrong?

He gets pulled back to reality by a warm hand turning him around and finding itself resting on his cheek. A thumb wipes away a tear he didn't realize had fallen from his eye.

“Hey, I know how it feels right now. More than most, trust me. I can see right through that look in your eyes, I used to wear the same. I still do sometimes. We do what we can with what we have but sometimes it feels like it's never good enough, like we will never be good enough for us. We are. Never let anyone tell you otherwise, even yourself. You deserve to love yourself, Ant.”

Phantom takes a deep shaky breath to steady himself and nods. “I know. Sometimes theory is just harder than practice.”

Dew smiles at him “We'll work on it then. Now… I believe you had a game of Mario Kart to finish?”

[lunarw0rks]

Hurt/Comfort Alphabet | Simon Riley

A/N: I hope this isn't redundant, because I was trying to be realistic based on his past & the way he interacts with other characters. got this template from @thathcwriter

Warning(s): mentions of Ghost's childhood, insecurities, substance abuse, injury, angst | Word Count: 1.6k

꒦꒷ MAIN MASTERLIST ꒷꒦ GHOST MASTERLIST ⋆ ⚘ 🕊 ˚�� ₊˚ʚ have a request? | ao3 ver. ❀

A: Alleviate - How do they go about relieving persistent physical pain?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Let’s be honest. He self-medicates with alcohol or cigarettes if it’s a persistent enough injury. Either that, or he’ll just find a way to tune it out—something he’s very skilled at by now.

B: Bedridden - How do they behave when they’re sick?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Sick, but not “injured”? He wouldn’t even let it show. His voice is deep and raspy enough already (LMAO) so if he had a cold, would anyone even notice?

C: Cling - Whose physical touch is considered most welcome in their minds when they are in need? Is there a specific type of touch they respond well to?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Being realistic, Simon probably despises physical touch because of his past. Unless it’s someone he’s known or been serious with for a while, physical touch would be null and void. That being said, playing with his hands, or a kiss on his knuckle would probably make him crumble.

D: Deathbed - How would they react if they realized they may not recover from their injuries?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ He’s well acquainted with the prospect of not making it home someday, or sustaining an injury too severe to overcome. He would accept it because he thinks that’s what he deserves :(

▹ He’d fight it as much as he could, and wouldn’t want anyone to see him that way. Conversations would be shorter, coarser, and even more depressive than his usual way of engaging with others.

E: Emergency - What is their gut reaction when someone they care about is hurt?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ He jumps to the worst conclusions if he got wind of something happening to you. Too many of his loved ones/colleagues have ended up dead for him not to.

▹ Remember how he reacted when Soap got shot in the arm? Yeah… multiply that by ten and add some fury to the mix. ▹ Especially if it pertained to his work, he’d think it’s his fault (in the case of Civilian S/O). If you were also a soldier, he’d take a more frustrated/protective route, lecturing you on your “carelessness”.

F: Fight - Are there circumstances under which they would not accept treatment or care? If so, what are they? 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ If it was in the middle of a mission, or minor enough that it felt ridiculous to tend to. If someone on his team/or his S/O was in worse condition, he wouldn’t even let the medic touch him.

G: Ghosts - How has their past shaped the kind of comfort they respond to best? 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Being mocked and trained to not show vulnerability is his entire being, and he hates himself more for that. He doesn’t want to brood or miss out on things because of his childhood, but the ghost of his father looms heavy on every decision he makes—like a constant, sinister devil on his shoulder.

▹ He’s felt that way so long that he’s grown used to it, and doesn’t know who he is even when he takes the mask off at the end of the day.

H: Home - What things (objects, sensations, or people) remind them they’re safe after a scary situation?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ His colleagues, if anything. Soap being his ride-or-die, and a S/O that knows every reason for why he’s so walled up. If he has a picture of that person tucked away in his wallet, or an object they gave them (bracelet, card, etc.) he’d keep it in his desk drawer for safekeeping.

I: Isolation - How do they soothe themselves when no one is around to soothe them?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Just like the response on “A” —he self-medicates with substances, or boxing in the training room until his fists are raw.

J: Joy - When was the first time they were truly happy after going through something terrible?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ For many years, he wasn’t “happy” at all, didn’t even know what that felt like. There were moments where he was distracted enough to not be thinking about his past experiences, but not permanent ignorance.

▹ Seeing his S/O after an injury that forced him on medical leave would be the only exception. He hates being away from work, but the silver lining is getting to be home with that person for (X) amount of recovery time.

K: Kindness - Do they believe they deserve the comfort they receive? Why or why not? 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Hell no. Simon doesn’t for a minute think he deserves comfort, even though deep down he’s craved it for so long. Even if the person he’s with told him a thousand times, he would never believe it. He accepts it as more of a service to his S/O, rather than to soothe himself.

L: Levity - What or who helps them take their mind off of the circumstances? 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ 90% of it is his work because when you’re being shot at, you’re only thinking about not getting shot. The other 10% would be working out, drinking, etc… Not exactly taking his mind off things completely, but enough to do it temporarily.

M: Music - Is there a song that comforts them? Why is it comforting to them?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ He only listens to music to fill his ears when he’s stressed, or doing paperwork. For comfort? Nothing he listens to would give that to him, let’s be real.

N: Nostalgia - What things that comforted them as a kid still work today? Does anyone know that? 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Much like his adolescent years, his comfort is everyone else’s silence. He doesn’t like being fussed over or poked at. The concept of ��comfort” just isn’t something he knows. With the right person, he might find comfort in them—their quirks, their sense of humor, etc.

O: Overworked - Who or what tells them to stop working and take care of themselves?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Price has probably tried, or has to at least once a week.

▹ Something along the lines of: “Get some rest, Simon”—most likely met with a blank stare as he continues working through the night. Simon only rests when he needs to refuel, or something more important happens.

P: Please - Have they ever begged someone to comfort or stay with them? What was that incident like?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Before he met his S/O? Never in a million years. After? Probably only when he’s inebriated and needs someone to be with him, just until the problem passes, or you give your attempt at comforting him.

Q: Questions - Are they eager to talk about what or why they’re hurting? Why or why not?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ No - he’d jump off a cliff before he talks about his past with just anyone. It would take years before he tells someone what happened to him. In the back of his mind, he’s expecting the person to laugh at him, or reveal his insecurities :(

R: Relief - How do they react to the realization that they will soon be fully recovered? 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ He’s practically pacing back and forth until his medical leave is lifted—the medical leave he most likely bickered about placing him on at all.

S: Scared - What would it take for them to admit that they’re scared? 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ If something serious enough happened, or a near-death experience with either himself or you that gives him a wakeup call. One of the hardest things for him to do would be to admit he’s frightened, especially with how much loss he’s already experienced.

T: Time - How long does it take for them to feel better after an ordeal or illness? Do they tend to lie about how soon they feel better?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ As soon as he’s mobile, he’s back to work (if it was something disabling). If not, he’d push his way through it and keep working. Surely, to his S/O’s disapproval, but he feels like he’s damned to constant punishment.

U: Ugly - What part of their recovery process are they ashamed of, if any?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Being reliant on another person physically, if necessary. Injuries come with the job, he knows that, but he would absolutely hate it.

V: Valiant - Has anyone told them they were brave for facing what they did? How would they react if someone did? 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Let’s be real—most of us want to reassure him and his bravery, as has Price and Soap a million times (although they’re doing it in more of a “that was badass” kinda way). To be able to go through so much, and still be so resilient is almost unsettling. But brave, nonetheless.

▹ He would brush it off and likely change the subject :((

W: Why? - How did they process what happened to them?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ He never fully processes an injury, including physical pain—especially if it’s a stray bullet or knife wound. Unless it was something especially gruesome, he’s got a high pain tolerance.

X: Xenas - Do they see anyone as an inspiration in their recovery? Does their inspiration know about this? 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ (N/A - I don’t think it fits Simon if I’m being honest).

Y: Yearn - What gesture, person, or thing do they desperately want, but would never actually ask for? 

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ This will probably hurt some feelings… He wants his mother, more than anything he wants his mom. He only got so much time with her, and those years were the worst of his childhood. She’s probably the only person he knows he truly wants, but can’t have.

▹ As I mentioned before, if he was serious about someone he was dating, he might want some comfort, but he would almost never explicitly ask for it.

Z: Zero - What is the best way to comfort them without touching them?

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Words of affirmation would be your best bet.

▹ Physical touch is iffy, and he’d only allow it if he truly trusted the person. If you give the man praise, he’d hide his feelings until he was alone, and would probably think about it for the rest of the week—even if it was just an offhand compliment.

[thepenultimateword]

Trick or Treat! 🦇🎃👻

I started writing this before October ended, but I didn't finish in time, so have a late treat!

Grounds for Murder

The officer observed the large smear of yellow paint on the coffee shop window. From up close, it looked like nothing more than a few random arced lines, but when Faelan approached the shop from across the street this morning, it looked a lot like an eye, the way the glass had glared in the dawning light almost like it was blinking. It had sent the fur on Faelan's haunches up on end. And as he hastily dug into his bag for the door keys, he had the eerie feeling of being watched.

The call to the police had been immediate, but now that he stood back on the street an hour later, the city a little more awake, and an officer at his side the graffiti didn't seem nearly so ominous. But maybe that had more to do with the nonchalant way the officer observed it, one hand on his hip, the other holding some ridiculous chain brand of coffee to his lips, his snake half circled into relaxed coils.

The officer swallowed his gulp of coffee loudly. "So if I have this right, you left at about 10:00pm last night and the window was clear. Then when you returned around 5:30am this morning this--" He waved vaguely at the vandalism. "--was here?"

"Y-y-yes."

"And none of the neighboring shops saw anything?"

Faelan frowned. "I d-didn't check. Isn't that the police's job?"

"Well, most people don't like an officer on their doorstep, especially not for something as minor as this."

Faelan frowned even deeper. Sure it wasn't a murder or anything big, but this was still a crime.

"You'll probably have more luck with your neighbors than us," the officer continued, and then as if to stop any protest directly added, "Any security footage?"

Faelan didn't want to let the topic change slide, but seeing as he wasn't the professional in this process, he bit down on his complaint. "Y-yes. In the back and out front. B-but it only catches snapshots every ten minutes. I-I already checked the feed. The paint appeared around 3:00am, but it didn't catch whoever did it."

The officer hummed vaguely, looking the markings up and down for a solid minute before saying, "Well, unfortunately, since no harm was actually done, there's nothing I can do."

Faelan's mouth dropped open. "Y-y-you're not going to investigate?"

"With so little to go on it would only be a waste of time. All of our officers are dedicated to serious cases right now, and with so little to go on, I doubt we can do much at the moment. Set up more cameras, and if it happens again, we'll see what we can do."

Faelan's tail flicked aggravatedly. "But this is the only shop they touched! It feels targeted! D-d-d-doesn't that seem concerning? "

The officer raised his brows. "There's no words. No recognizable symbols. Nothing that constitutes a real threat. You’re three blocks from the university; If anything its some dumb kids trying to be funny."

"It's n-n-n-not f-funny." Faelan barely grabbed control of his stutter. It always got worse when he was emotional, which was just inconvenient. If ever he needed a clear voice it was when he was chewing someone out.

The officer only stared at him, his expression more like someone inconvenienced than patient. “Talk to your neighbors. Set up more cameras. Don’t let it ruin your day.”

With that, the officer slithered smoothly back to the police car on the curb.

“B-B-B-But—”

Too late.

Faelan cursed under his breath before storming back inside, the overhead bell tinkling violently with the force he put on the door. His hooves clacked loudly as he shoved into the kitchen, tore open, the refrigerator, seized a mass of dough from yesterday, and threw it on the work table. He gnawed bidingly on his bottom lip while he washed his hands, barely holding himself back from drawing blood before slamming both fists onto the dough with a loud poff!

The dough was cold but he worked into it with all the violent anger he’d wanted to throw at officer or the perpetrator, or anyone else who wanted to try pissing him off today, and soon it was warm and malleable in his hands.

The bell tinkled from the front and Kaiyo’s familiar light step sounded on the tile, moments later the kitchen door creaked.

“Hey, what’s with the— Oh, you’re getting a late start.”

Faelan’s head shot up and Kaiyo's took an instinctive step back, ears flattening against his head.

"S-s-some stupid k-kid vandalized the store, and I wasted h-h-half the morning talking to the useless police who decided they’re not going to do a single thing, w-which they could have told me over the phone for all the help that officer p-provided me by coming down!” He ground the heels of his hand harder into the dough as he raised his voice into a mock conversation. “‘H-Hey, someone vandalized by shop, can you c-come check it out?’ ‘Oh, we a-a-actually don’t give a crap about your shop, so no, we aren’t going to do anything’ ‘Oh, no problem. Th-thanks for being incredibly useless.’ ‘You’re welcome, we love doing nothing.’ See? Easy!”

He punched the dough right in its soft center.

Kaiyo reached across the table and grabbed Faelan’s wrists. “Ok, you’re definitely going to overwork that, so let’s just step back a moment.”

Without letting go, he walked around the counter and pulled Faelan to a stool on the edge of the room, forcing him to sit.

“So, let's calm down a bit. You're saying kids painted that thing on the window?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. That’s what the officer theorized. I don’t actually know who did it, security cameras didn’t catch it.”

“I told you we should get some that actually film.”

“Nothing ever happens on this street; how was I supposed to know we’d be the only shop ever to get vandalized?”

Kaiyo flicked one ear, but he didn’t argue the point further. He probably didn’t want Faelan to explode.

“Well. If the police aren’t worried, let’s leave it for now.” He pulled Faelan up by the arms and began pushing him to front of the shop. “Here, why don’t I finish up the dough, and you do customer service until something is baked.”

“I hate talking to the customers,” Faelan grumbled.

“And they hate talking to you, but you’re in a mood, so you need to not be alone stewing.”

Faelan sighed heavily but clopped up to the register anyway. As annoying as it was, Kaiyo was right. He really could not be trusted with his own thoughts right now or he’d probably start trashing things, or worse, make a very, very angry phone.

The bell over the door tinkled, and he straightened up, forcing on his most accommodating smile. “W-welcome in, how can I—”

An intense chill rushed down his spine quickly followed by a slam of anxiety to the gut so strong he felt dizzy. He had to steady himself on the counter, but the touch of his hands to the cool granite only made him hyper aware of the fact that every single hair on his body was stood on end.

What was happening?

Thump thump thump thump thump…

His heart beat rapidly, no pauses, and as he concentrated on his next inhale to sow it, he realized his breaths were following the same pace.

His eyes flicked rapidly up and down as the woman approached the counter. She didn’t look dangerous. Dark circles under the eyes and a long brown trench coat might be off putting in some places, but at a coffee shop they were fairly normal.

Still, Faelan’s legs tensed to run.

She cocked her head a little and ruffled a hand through her short shag haircut, yellow eyes glinting. “I had a question about your window, but since I’m here, why don’t you throw in a Turkish coffee.”

[lunaeverywhere]

How 4chan works

So, I've noticed a trend lately. Well, I say "lately" but it started with Q-Anon, when a bunch of people decided that listening to people with tripcodes wasn't a dumb idea you should never do but instead a cornerstone of politics. And this trend is best definable as "misinformation solved by understanding how 4chan works". I am here to explain how 4chan works, as someone who spent her early 20s on /tg/ and /m/.

Let's take it from the top: 4chan.org is a message board where users are not required to make an account, and the majority of the topics are about posting images of things. It was created when its original creator, Moot, was mad he wasn't allowed to post loli to other internet forum Something Awful, and was later sold in the mid-2010s to its current owner, usually just called Hiro or An Hiro. Its seperated into "boards", the topic-focused communities that dictate the topic of posting. These are not user created, rather the site's admins create them, and there's currently a little over 50 of them.

You might think these are usage-based; that is, when you want to talk about a thing, you go to the board to talk about that thing and post about it. And some people do use 4chan this way (insert screenshots of the "where do you talk about paintball" threads, if I could find them), that doesn't tend to be the case. Rather, people have boards they like to frequent, reading and participating in the discourse as they see fit. This results in each board having its own distinct culture: /tg/, traditional games, has a very different culture than /cgl/, cosplay and gothic lolita, or /ck/, cooking and food. A common phrase on 4chan is "4chan is not /b/", and to a lesser extent, "4chan is not /pol/". These are the "random" and "politics" boards respectively. They have the worst culture, even as reputation among other 4chan users. If you hear about some misinformation coming out of 4chan, it's usually from one of those two boards.

No board has a good culture, by standards like "people treating each other with decency" and "not using racial slurs", but some boards are better about it than others. The ones wholly dedicated to image posting tend to be, if not well behaved, at least quiet. Boards having different cultures also means that some boards dislike each other. /m/, Mecha anime, hates /mu/, music, because people often go to /m/ assuming it's the music board and post about music without noticing that it's about giant robots and karate bugmen. Everyone hates /pol/, but especially /po/, papercraft, because they're a quiet board that probably has the best culture, but are one letter off from the board everyone hates so they get similar posting to /m/, but the posts themselves are worse.

Describing every board's culture and conflicts is a task I neither want to do, nor consider in the scope of this post, but I've established that 4chan is not even remotely a monolith. Now, onto the actual posts themselves.

Anyone can post on 4chan, and you do not need to make an account to do so. Most people who post on 4chan have not. Rather, when you go to post, you are given an option to fill in a name, or leave that field blank and simply be "anonymous". Unless you have a good reason, people don't use names, and you will get made fun of for doing so. When I was on /tg/, a user who used the name VirtualOptim, or "virt", got famous as a namefag (the "-fag" structure is common there, "namefag", "drawfag", "writefag" and with a few exceptions including namefag is not meant derogatorily, it's a weird bit of culture) to the extent that anyone posting with the name would get a flood of responses consisting entirely of "kill yourself", similar to "kung pow penis" for a certain memed tumblr user. There is nothing preventing a user from using the same name as another user.

If it's important for a user to make clear that they're a specific iteration of that name - for instance, they're running some kind of game, and want it to be clear which posts are "official" - this is one of the few cases that names are acceptable, and a second identifier comes into play, the tripcode. A tripcode is something like a password, a phrase put through a simple encryption that's just enough of a pain to de-encrypt that it's not worth the time to do so for the extremely low reward. If you've ever seen a post with a hashmark followed by a bunch of letters and numbers next to the name, that's a tripcode. You'll notice I didn't say these are secure. They aren't, and someone who really wants to can easily crack a tripcode and use it themselves. They're meant as little more than a discord discriminator, not a genuine secure password. This, combined with the general board culture against being identifiable, makes being a "tripfag" (again derogatory), something to be avoided unless completely nessecary.

I've also heard people saying something like "they deleted the post/thread, because they got caught". For starters, 4chan posters know everything I just said. They know they can claim so much deniability on everything they say. They know most people post anonymously and that if you make an unpopular post, its basically impossible to tie that post to anything you've done before unless you volunteer that information.

But also, posts get deleted all the time. Users who pay for a "4chan pass" get a variety of privileges, including the ability to delete their posts, but also moderators delete posts all the time for reasons as simple as "I feel like it" (rule 2 of the internet, coins 4chan themselves, "there's no rules on moderation either, enjoy your ban"). Additionally, each board has a limited number of threads, and when a new thread is created, an old thread "falls off" the board. Essentially, place all the threads in a row, and whenever a thread is posted in, it moves to the top of the list. When a new thread is created, the thread on the bottom of the list is deleted. Additionally, when a thread hits a certain number of posts, new posts stop moving it to the top of the list. This is colloquially called "autosaging", because "sage" used to be the command you could input on a post to make a post not bump a thread to the top of the list, usually done to insult the OP of a bad thread.

Autosaging/automatic thread deletion increases the anonymity of posting, since eventually even the post itself vanishes, so people can't even call you out for it in the thread where it happened. Third-party archives exist, but they are both prone to going down and often miss posts or entire threads. All posts are transient and none of them can be traced to you, nothing matters, so people just say anything.

So, if both ways to identify yourself are both secure and unpopular, and the record of discourse vanishes quickly, how do you trust information coming out of 4chan? Simple: you don't. If anything, board culture is/used to be that you listen to tripfags less than anonymous users. Q seems to have changed that somewhat, but "when did we start listening to tripfags" has been a question I've been asking myself since that started. If 4chan says the sky is blue, find a window. If someone posts claiming to have security clearance or actually be someone, they're almost definitely lying or joking. Nothing could possibly happen to a post or thread to increase its credibility. Everything said on 4chan is lies told to make someone mad until proven otherwise, and they'll often openly admit that, I'm not even saying anything they don't already know. 4chan isn't uniformly a monstrous place, but they're at their best a bunch of idiots posting about elf slav, what do.

[elucubrare]

i'm conceptually pretty down for the prequel as a mode of storytelling - i think it's a fun exercise to show how the worldstate of the original work came about, and when it's about a specific character, I think it's a good reason to do a character study. that said, my reaction to mentor prequels tends to be "but why tho"

I think that's because

when mentors are interesting, it tends to be because a) they have goals that have some kind of mismatch with those of their mentee; b) they have a past with hints of seediness (or worse), especially in contrast to their current image; c) they have skills that are extraordinary in their intensity or their eclecticism; d) they're generally enigmatic and inscrutable.

Thus, it seems like it should be possible to write a prequel exploring either their past or how they acquired their skills, and it's not impossible, to be sure!

However, making the mentor the main character of the prequel tends to take some of the narrative interest of both the idea of prequels and the mentor themself. "how did the Archwizard become Archwizard?" well, probably they gained a lot of experience in magic somehow, or did a lot of political manipulation in their order.* Mentors tend not to have a lot of history, so we have to invent a backstory. Ok, so they came from rags to riches and forced their way into the Mage's Order. Then they did a bunch of cool things. Which is all fine! But by becoming a more straighforward coming of age and adventure story, it loses a lot of the pull of a prequel. 3a. I think there's room in there for the mentor to be doing cool stuff while the forces of history that create the problems their mentee will deal with are slowly moving pieces into place, but honestly that's really hard to pull off in a way i feel is satisfying.

I am thinking of this directly in contrast to villain prequels, which I think are, at least, conceptually more interesting. "what are the specific choices that led a person to become the specific villain they are in the main story" is a story i think has more meat to it than "how did a hero get their skills," if only because the second doesn't need to be attached to a specific preexisting story.

I also think that a lot of cool things in mentors' backstories are cooler if you don't see them on page - "That's Orstariy, who held the bridge at Terion, and who diced all night with a demon prince for the king's soul" is a complete story that I don't think is more fun with more elaboration, & in fact without more details lets me create the legend in my head, while showing it piece by piece would make it more ordinary.

In any case. It's not that it's impossible to write a good mentor backstory, I just feel like without a good reason to exist, they don't really capitalize on the parts of the concept of the prequel that I think are most dramatically juicy.

__ *honestly i would be pretty down for the Archwizard as mostly political office - it's not like the president of a university is the Best Scholar there

[lionesscersei]

genuine question out of curiosity, why are you anti therapy? sorry if this is too prying or anything, feel free to delete this and ignore it if you're uncomfortable answering

I think its useless and just brainwashing in most cases and that many therapists also are just looking to take advantage of someone, even if in some cases it's just to emotionally get off on fact that others have it bad.

It's all a big bunch of bullshit they tell you because If your life sucks or your childhood was bad of course you are going to be depressed. Therapy isn't going to change the past. It isn't even going to change the future either. And if you're in the US especially there isn't much for you to look forward to. Therapy just wants to brainwash you into thinking things aren't the shit they are. They tell you to change your way of thinking just because you see the world for what it is. Basically they want everyone to be brainwashed little sheep. Which if someone especially someone in the US thinks life is good that is what they are. Well unless maybe if you are rich or have a great family who takes care of you. Therapy only ever made me feel more alone and misunderstood and like nobody would ever accept me how I am. The things they claim would be harmful like specifically seeking out people with my similar way of thinking, engaging in revenge, calling out people who hurt me on social media, all those things they claimed were harmful I found to be the exact opposite and make me feel happier/better, even years later. I don't regret the things they claimed I would regret saying or doing in fact I do regret times I didn't say or do something because a therapist told me not to. And in general the advice they give is so stupid. Breathing exercises? A journal? ASMR? Write a letter to the person that hurt you the most and burn it? None of that did shit to make me feel better, in fact most of it made me feel worse. And even if it does make you feel better, you can easily find all of these suggestions online and not have to bother going to a therapist.

Plus check https://www.reddit.com/r/therapyabuse/ there are so many bad ones out there looking to take advantage of their patients, either sexually or emotionally.

I have experienced a therapist making suggestive comments (about if I wasn't their client they would date me, many years ago when I was in my 20s before I had as realistic (some would say negative) outlook on things). As well as a different therapist spending more time talking about their problems than mine, and then another one, not sure if they count as a therapist cause it was the school guidance councilor? but they told me personal things about another student that I totally could have used to make fun of that student if I wanted to. I think their reasoning was I would be nicer to them then, which yeah that did work and maybe what they told me wasn't even true, but still. But I've seen more than those 3 the rest were just useless rather than harmful/inappropriate.

And plenty of people I've met either claim therapy didn't do anything to help them or made them feel worse. Many people claim their therapists are abusive emotionally. And if you go on google reviews and look at therapists you will find most of them have very bad ratings. Well maybe not most. but rather most of the ones that take medicaid or medicare. And then if a therapist has good reviews but isn't taking those insurances, or is choosing to work under a place that chooses not to, that begs the question, can this therapist really be a person who cares about the well being of others. Which the answer is obviously no, because if they did they wouldn't refuse people whose visits won't pay as much. So don't even call it health insurance, call it what it is, wealth insurance, cause that's what they all really care about.

And the ones who claim it helped them can never tell me what exactly about it helped them. Just vague stuff like "it helped me work through things." Ok, but how did it help you do that? Nobody can ever seem to answer that one.

Anyway if I didn't explain it well, here's an article that goes more in depth about it: https://medium.com/reverse-psychology/therapy-is-not-appropriate-or-effective-for-everybody-728e766b95a2

(Article might seem like is locked to a paywall at first, but if you create an account, you can than scroll under the 2 pay options and click the small text under that to continue to free.)

[o-craven-canto]

Upon being tagged by @wellmetmat; thanks for thinking of me! I hope you'll pardon me if I don't tag anyone additional just yet.

1. What virtue do you most often see in other people that you feel comparatively deficient in?

First of all, self-confidence, absolutely. I think the shame centers in my brain are accidentally wired to fire at ten times the expected intensity. A minuscule rebuke can make my whole day worse, however objective I try to be about it, and more often than not I feel just barely tolerated by the people around me, even though I'm fairly sure that that is not actually the case. The #1 advice I get from my coworkers is "you need to get better at self-promotion".

Close second, constancy. You wouldn't believe the amount of stuff in my backlog (or maybe you would, it's probably not all that extraordinary an amount). At the very least I should be doing more work on my main long-term creative projects: my future-history novel, and my Ea worldbuilding, both of which are years behind schedule. Though in my defense I'm also doing a PhD, which I'm also somewhat behind with but not ruinously so, so there's that.

2. Show us an object in your daily life that you have an emotional attachment to - tell us a little bit about it if you want! (a favourite mug perhaps? socks with a cute pattern? dealers choice)

Well. I have here this old wallet in blue denim-like cloth, which has absolutely nothing distinctive or particularly endearing, but I've had it since I was in middle school or about there, so. Had it pickpocketed a couple years ago, and I mourned the wallet a lot more than the money, but the thief had at least the decency of leaving it where it would be soon found, with all documents in order, which I guess was nice of them. (They must have had a nasty surprise when they realized the wallet's impressive thickness was almost entirely old receipts and train tickets I hadn't gotten around to throwing away yet).

3. If you could choose, what level of fame would you want? How many people would you want to recognise you?

Hmm, probably some mild subsubcultural level. The point where two blogs can exchange a few posts discussing my work, or where a few people may comment under a story "this reminds me of Concavenator's style". Anything above that would probably take too much attention end energy, and those grapes look sour anyway. This is probably not outside my grasp, especially if I make some progress on that "constancy" thing.

4. Where do you feel language is least adequate to capture, communicate, or express your experience?

You could argue that this question is, by definition, impossible to answer! But to actually try, I do have some extremely strong feelings about biological life, evolution, extinction, and deep time, which I've tried to express in various ways over the years, never quite to my satisfaction. Actually, I've never seen anyone express them satisfactorily yet. I guess it's kind of a mystical thing. You look at mountains and you see them swell and warp under the strain of a continent crawling north. These words I've just written are not adequate. It will sound like a weird niche interest but it's genuinely a major part of what I see when I look around.

5. If you had to come up with a question with the following criteria:

a) it should disuade knee-jerk reaction answers (i.e. it shouldn't be something people are likely to have spent a lot of time considering before)

b) it shouldn't be too specialised (the audience should be general, don't ask about people's top 3 byzantine spice merchants opperating between 754AD-816AD)

c) it shouldn't be needlessly emotionally charged or divisive

d) it should be a question you expect people to have lots of varied opinions about

What would your question be?

Hmm. How about this: if for the rest of your life hereon you could only communicate directly with X people, what would be the smallest value for X for which you'd be satisfied?

[catchyhuh]

TOUCH O THE TISM

lupin’s brain is fucked up! let’s talk about it

and i mean TALK talk about it baby. everyone’s experience with their brain makeup shit is different, and there are many different “symptoms”/traits that tend to overlap between. are they still called mental illnesses. states of mind. conditions? awugh no that sounds even worse. WHATEVER THIS IS ME SAYING this is less about the medical diagnoses, this is just the manifestations of SOME type of neurodivergency that shine through in their weirdo behaviors, habits, and mindscapes. now let’s really go here:

lupin: 

we have discussed before his uncanny ability to shut down literally everything to hyperfixate on one task. sometimes for weeks at a time like IN canon, IN canon he will do this shit and not stop until a) he’s reached his goal/the endpoint, or b) he is physically forcibly removed from the subject in question

this will sound nuts to you but i think lupin is sound sensitive. yes i know but listen. he’s always the first to wince/recoil at a loud sound, even if he’s not TRULY bothered by it-- ex: zenigata shouts, lupin KNOWS he’s going to shout, anticipates the volume, even, but still tenses up, even though he’s grinning and actively enjoying the fact that he brought that upon himself. so, to balance that, lupin has decided he’s just going to be louder than whatever’s out there that could bother him. you may have noticed the company he shares hotel rooms with is almost always reserved and quiet unless he is the one instigating and encouraging the rowdiness. boom baby case and point.

all in all it’s surprisingly only something you notice if you spend a significant amount of time around him. he’s autistic i promise. its just. well. he’s hyperfixated on cash and his special interest is getting bitches

jigen:

jigen is very picky. and i mean cheers i’ll drink to that. nobody touch him. nobody speak too loud. nobody fuck with how he likes his drink. nobody touch his gun (you’ll mess it up) NOBODY DO ANYTHING. save for a very, very select few. 

light sensitive. not very shocking given the fact his hat is almost more of a signature item for him than his magnum but ANYWAY! it’s why he’s so particular that it must be HIS hat!! the thickness, the way it sits, the way it shadows his eyes especially, all of this is important. “but wait” you could hypothetically maybe be saying, “wouldn’t that extend to his bangs? in the whole shielding him from the light sense. wouldn’t it just make more sense if he always kept his bangs over his eyes like that?” yes! you’re so right if you were saying that! i don’t know why you would be but regardless. uh, yeah, it would make the most sense for him to ALWAYS have them pushed over his eyes, but. have you ever sacrificed comfort for fashion. that slicked back look is NICE dude

all n all jigen is the “‘Nobody had Autism until recently’ right cuz your grandpa who only wore the same type of shirt, took the same sandwich to work every day and knows everything about the inner workings of a 1979 Ferrari was SO neurotypical” meme. 

fujiko:

absolute. crown champ of masking. what the fuck. i don’t even think she herself has realized because all of it has been pushed down for so long. which part of this might just be, sorry if this is too realistic and boring but like. diagnosis sexism? people do not notice neurodivergent traits in girls as easily. or that’s what they SAY but they somehow schoolyard bullies can pick up on it very easily! point being, they say that with girls it tends to manifest as talkativeness in the right environments, but when suppressed in those formative years, those girls grow up into women who have a million things to say but only say two of them, meaning her mind is just SWIMMING with insane thoughts and shit. that’s how you get fujikos bro. you have to let that little girl be weird and explain spyro the dragon in exact detail to you or she’ll grow up to be a calculated murderer/world famous thief

now if you actually brought it up she would dismiss you and make some remark like “not wanting polyester to touch your skin isn’t a sensory issue, it’s a lifestyle choice” which. ok yeah haha good one fujicakes but i’ve noticed that you tend to favor dresses/shirts that leave your arms free without any fabric brushing on them, and for someone who’s so focused on the VALUE of fashion you’re cutting the insewn tags off these clothes..? what’s that about baby where did that come from? yeah the joke about “oh yes i totally wear heels because i hate my soles touching the ground, not because i just happen to love high fashion” was funny but you actually do tend to walk around on the balls of your feet barefoot too. that’s not good for you fujiko that can do damage to the nerves in your legs (yes really if you’re reading this and you do that it can cause permanent issues in your legs SO TRY TO BREAK THAT HABIT IF POSSIBLE)

also traces of hyperfixating, just not as obviously visible as it is with lupin. with fujiko it’s almost undercover. like, reading her phone under the table, just happening to suggest watching this one movie that happened to be praised for how accurately it replicates the layout of this one museum the gang has been thinking about infiltrating, a few hyperspecific books mixed in with standard romance schlock she’s most definitely not reading from the library just to pad out that receipt. it’s not so much a conscious choice to microdose feeding the beast so to speak, it’s more that she’s forced herself to commit more to her image than anything, so she’s accidentally pacing herself like that

goemon:

MENTIONED BEFORE BUT WE BELIEVE IN TOUCH AVERSE GOEMON IN THIS HOUSE! DO NOT BE BUGGING THIS GUY SLINGING YOUR ARM AROUND HIS SHOULDER OR YOU WILL GET CHOPPED IN THE GUT!! unless you are one of a select few (are you noticing a trend with the collection here) might also partially be a texture thing too, because i can’t think of another reason someone would subject themselves to the insanely uncomfortable plan of wearing your normal clothes UNDER a tuxedo despite the fact you have to squeeze that giant billowing fabric in there

“bbububut i thought autistic people struggled with eye contact” not goemon ishikawa the 13th bitch. you are getting intensely stared at like a claw machine just barely dangling the prize over the pit. he wants you to know he’s paying attention! he’s listening! sure he might be paying attention to see if he can pick up on nervous tics to tell if you’re lying, and maybe he’s listening that intently to catch you when you slip up, BUT HEY, we don’t know that! to his credit goemon only SOMETIMES realizes how intimidating this can be, and only SOMETIMES intentionally weaponizes it, but… still, very intense eye contact

hell man aside from his stubbornness and pride even his picky food taste might tie into this a bit. anybody who’s been hooked on one specific “safe food” for like two months gets it, especially the fact that goemon can instantly tell when the food is “wrong.” if you cooked this meat for two seconds too long, if you didn’t let the rice sit long enough, if you cheaped out and used some generic alternative-- well on that last one he might not blame you as much because this economy IS pretty rough, but the point is, he can immediately tell and WILL tell the chef to their face “you did this wrong. do better next time.” unfortunately most people don’t take kindly to that and because of goemon’s nature when he’s caught off guard he’ll go “sorry. sorry just let me… let me show you i suppose” and next thing he knows he’s teaching an impromptu cooking course. we went kinda off the rails on this one didn’t we. oops!

zenigata:

if monkey punch meant it when he said “zenigata can’t be stupid, because that would mean lupin is stupid,” then because lupin is insane, zenigata must also, naturally, be insane, in some of the same flavors

the main thing about him is that he’s so damn resilient he doesn’t actually SAY anything unless he really wants to complain. he might be thinking “god why is cottage cheese like this. this is kind of gross” but he’ll still EAT it, “the sun is WAY too bright and i lost my hat AGAIN this fucking SUCKS” but he’s stlil going to be outside because he knows he HAS to be out there. toughing it out and only SLIGHTLY whining about it. really the only time he makes it known outside of offhanded grumbly complaints is when lupin is the source of it. if lupin is like bouncing his leg in the passenger side of the cop car (because god forbid he stuff him in the backseat right) zenigata just grabs his knee and stares at him until lupin is like “oh oops! sorry. is that distracting?” and then 10 minutes later he starts it up again. the line between ‘this is driving my brain insane’ and ‘i just have beef with anything that brings you, personally, delight” is very thin

but ironically zenigata can’t stay still very long himself either. if he’s been stuck sitting for more than 25 minutes he can feel his insides shrinking up and withering away. maybe that’s why he chews on shit like a hyena gnawing off its own leg to escape predators. anything to get the zoomies out dude. 

i don’t have to tell you that this bitch is also dangerously intensely hyperfixating right. i don’t have to go into this? like you. we’re looking at the same guy here. right? okay. so long as this point is understood

[cosmics-beings]

to me at least it's always interesting seeing people condemn megatron for starting his revolt, especially when looking at tfp or idw megatron. while i really can't excuse the shitfire the deception movement became, people getting mad at him or not really understanding why megatron snapped or why he was angry at opitmus in prime for getting the primeship or why he went violent in idw...it just shows that a lot of people don't understand a) that he was a slave and b.) revolutions aren't really won peacefully.

but going back to point a.), especially in prime, the alternative for megatron was either fighting in the gladiatorial pit until he was eventually killed, or going back to slavery. while he did get his glory in the rings of kaon, there was still very much a dynamic of, he had to do this, and eventually die doing it and before that, he was a miner, a slave.

when megatron invited optimus into his space and taught him, he was very vulnerable and allowed an outsider, someone who had privilege over him, to be in his circle and to be close to him. someone who understood the oppression he faced by the primes and by the caste system, someone who was still privileged, but someone who he trusted. and someone who also knew what he had to lose if he didn't win his revolution, or if he wasn't given the position of the prime. and more importantly, megtaron assumed that optimus was someone who understood that peaceful protests and activism weren't going to work for someone like him, a slave. so mind you, when it came down to it, and opitmus was seen as the better candidate for a prime simply because he was peaceful and megatron wasn't...well...shit i'd lost my shit too. because again, the alternatives for megatron in his mind, if he did not become a prime, were slavery - whether a miner or gladiator. optimus had nothing to lose, no stakes in the same way megatron did.

so of course he snapped, of course he went evil. people try to frame it as "he started getting violent because he was upset that optimus got what he wanted' and no that wasn't the case at all. it was far more than it being something he wanted, it was something he needed. something that was going to grant him freedom and happiness and the ability to make a difference. mind you, i'd snap too.

idw is similiar. he had to make a revolt, he was a slave. he had tried peace and it didn't work, in fact whirl beat the shit out of him for being peaceful and that radicalized him. but then people feel bad for whirl

it's always interesting to me, to see fans tend to brush over why he did what he did, or call him selfish or stupid and not realizing that his freedom and bodily autonomy was on the line. this is REALLY shown in IDW.

in idw if he was caught and if he wasn't executed or imprisoned, they'd probably fuck with his mind to make him a slave again.

i say as I'm writing a fic with this premise and he is eventually broken out of that and given help and support by people he loves and the revolution is started differently

anyway, this isn't an excuse for how he completely falls off later. he becomes a tyrant, a facists, and oppressor he becomes everything he hated if not worse, much worse. and he needs to be stopped. he doesn't care about the war, that much is extremely clear in both idw and tfp. he only cares about getting to optimus, making him hurt, making him hate/blame himself, killing those close to optimus and continuously ruining his life. in idw CLEARLY he changes and becomes a good person. in tfp...eh...

but my point is, i don't think people really understand that his bodily autonomy and rights were on the line.

do i think some stuff can be said about how harmful the oppressed oppressor narrative is, yes, but that's not for this post.

[heckthis-heckallofthis]

CaWF characters and (in my opinion) their cooking skills

Squad leader: The food he makes is absolutely amazing, very good and very healthy. He does not compromise on his nutrition as it's important to him. 10/10 he only eats outside if he's lazy to cook

2145: He does not care at all for how good, healthy or appealing his food is. It's whatever. He would eat a raw egg whole for breakfast, he would ask you if you want one too. Worst case scenario 2/10 best case scenario 5/10

IM1235: Decent, she could make a meal and it would be pretty good. As a red blood cell her sweetness tolerance is higher than most, so her dishes are probably very sweet. 8/10 kinda dishes if you don't mind the glucose

Reg T: Doesn't cook a lot but she probably wouldn't mess up if you gave her a recipe. She doesn't really know what to add to a dish to make it any better or what to avoid so it doesn't become worse. 6/10 at least it's edible and you won't hate it too much

HT: His taste for food is insane. He can make food that he enjoys but if you tried it you would question everything you know about him. 2/10 order your own food than rely on him.

B Cell: Surprisingly good, he would get infinitely more maidens if he were to show them his cooking skills rather than invite them to parties or the like, he can do both baking and cooking, very good for him. 8/10 in general

Memory Cell: I'd imagine he was the one who taught B cell his skills, prefers bitter tastes over sweet ones, 7-9/10 depending on how similar your taste is to his

Mast Cell: Terrible. He can only do cup noodles. All his effort goes into Cellor-sun, not self preservation. 1/10 if you were to make him make an actual dish.

Eosinophil: I like to imagine she can bake pretty well, but her cooking is more or less average. Baking 10/10 cooking 6/10

NK: She is prepared for every scenario her little head can think of, taught herself cooking because what if she gets stranded and lost out in the wilderness?! 7/10 She will not risk herself dying from food poisoning

Dendritic Cell: Surprisingly horrendous. You do not expect a sweet guy who has good sewing and knitting skills be this bad at cooking, so it makes it all the more worse. 0/10 always eats with his colleagues who can cook or goes outside to eat.

M cell: A bartender who sells food on the regular definitely knows how to do it. Maybe his depression dampened his skills but it's very good, the bad reviews on his shop never mention the cooking, only his personality after all. 10/10 KT is on par with him which is why he only asks KT to help him at the bar sometimes.

3033: If you gave him the recipe, he'd find a way to mess up something (he doesn't even know how it goes wrong). He gets frustrated at it so he doesn't do it that much, at least he can make instant noodles with a few extra bits here and there. 3/10, he wishes he could do something about it.

Cross: Surprisingly very good. Maybe it's a hobby of his, maybe it's just him trying to imitate his squad leader, who knows. Good at improvising with ingredients, especially since the budget at the T cell station is so limited, he has to make whatever work. 9/10 he could somehow make bacteria taste decent

[solar-gothic]

it's crazy to feel validated by finding out I actually am as broken as I thought.

the thing about BPD is that I was too ignorant to consider that I was "crazy" enough to have a cluster B mental disorder. I was prideful to think I was just an especially acute case of executive dysfunction from ADHD and/or autism (though I haven't ruled out whether I have either of those as well) where I simply must begin again from the ground up, over and over again, never satisfied, always trying to reinvent myself. new home, new job, new partner, new special interest. I live in constant fear of losing that magical high of dopamine from my favorite show, or of losing stability, or of losing my basic comforts. sometimes my stability in life will last a year, if I'm lucky, if I heal enough to relax. if I'm unlucky, it might only be a few days before I flip my entire script. either way it's only a matter of time before my brain sabotages me into the ironclad conviction that my happiness won't last much longer. I find reasons to let my misery be absolute enough to propell me into burning my life down completely and starting fresh. every new inconvenience in my day is a new reason to either walk out the door forever into to nowhere or to give up entirely.

it seems like a silly comparison, but when you look at memes for ADHD and autism online they are generally lighthearted. autistic and ADHD people obviously can and do struggle with depression in a world that was not adapted to our brains, but they are at least recognized for their good traits. these disorders are almost viewed as "fun" due to their association with special interests and superpower-level hyperfocus.

but when you look up memes for BPD... the tone is decidedly defeated. there is no fun superpower here; no quirky round-eyed mascot with a confetti canon. just an endless spiral of dubious, comfortless psuedo-existence.

but I have already lived like this. so I'm somehow comforted by it. there was always a bitterness inside me about about a pain that was somehow deeper than the people around me, even my fellow neurodivergent people. there was always a sadder song in me than in everyone else. and I finally found the lyrics to a song that's been stuck in my head my whole life when I saw the posts of thousands of people on tumblr with BPD. people who are so afraid to lose love that they never accept it. people who physically ache from the grief for a life they can never have. people who are scared of the stranger they see in the mirror from week to week, like waking up from another new dream where you were pretending to be someone else for a while, but now it's the shitty real you again — the one who always fails to heal no matter what we try.

at the end of the day, I know that I have no choice but to accept that I have to play life on nightmare difficulty. but if nothing else, I feel relief that I'm not singing alone.

I realize that the only reason I'm not worse is because I am too stubborn to put my needs ahead of other people for fear they won't like me. here's an example: a few years back, about 2018, I tried to restart my life with my then-partner by moving out of state to take a new, relatively well paying job at a dental lab. shortly after moving there and starting at the lab, things rapidly fell apart. my boss was emotionally abusive—we’re talking openly yelling at me in my office and telling me I'm not doing enough despite the fact that I worked about 50 hours a week, requiring me to come in while I was throwing-up-levels-of-sick—but we could not afford to pay rent without this job. we couldn't even afford for me to take the time to job search, and my then-husband was totally unsupportive of helping me pull out of this situation and told me often that I should simply toughen up. now tell me, what is about the worst thing you could do to a person with BPD? was your answer trap them in a job with an abusive, emotionally unpredictable boss for over a year, whilst also being negged by their spouse about not being able to hold a job? because brother, let me tell you. And yet, I stuck with this job for a year and a half, even though my brain was holding me at gunpoint after only the second week. my point here is not that people with BPD should push themselves to this sort of breaking point in an effort to "get over it"—quite the opposite. I refused to stop masking to the point where I crumbled, moved states again, tried going back to college, and only managed to stay with my partner for a few more months before hitting the reset button on my entire life once again. the point here is, my life has been a series of holding things together enough to please other people before inevitably shaking apart.

I am lucky to have partners now who know my insecurities, who have the patience to recognize my episodes and to help me. and it breaks my heart to know that every person with BPD doesn't not have that level of protection and comfort. so many who really are alone, or who keep themselves that way out of fear. and I just want to tell you that I understand completely. although I've rarely been without a partner for the past 12 years, I have still often felt that crippling loneliness myself, even while other people are in the room with me. we live in the dark where it's hard to see. that doesn't make us scary: it makes us scared, and it makes us embrace the darkness because there's nowhere else that will take us. my wish to everyone with BPD or any stigmatized mental illness is that i hope you find someone who is not afraid of the dark. someone who truly has the patience for you. someone who is kind enough to remember your brain is programmed to self-destruct and who isn't afraid to get in there and cut the green wire if they need to.

broken things can still fit back together with the right glue. are they as pretty? are they as functional? it doesn't matter. you still get to be more than broken pieces on the ground.

[mad-hunts]

details about ocs! // 🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits? (and/or) 🍝 SPAGHETTI — what is/are your oc's favourite food(s)?

ASK MEME - details about oc's!

hello, hello, @oculusxcaro! i really appreciate you sending me this meme through my inbox — allow me to first address three of barton's more neutral / questionable traits. so, this may not be a surprise, but barton is definitely a bit... eccentric. i mean, especially to outsiders who do not know the true inner workings of his 'family business,' as he does actually make normal dolls as well. and so he does live up to his moniker ( the dollmaker ) in more ways than one. as to why barton makes actual dolls as well as his more twisted creations, part of it is because the cloth dolls seem to serve a role in his grotesque dollmaking: he came up with the idea to insert hidden messages in these dolls with information about the main victim that the prospective cloth doll is 'modeling,' so to speak ( so they'd essentially be a carbon copy of the doll he made using a real person, except while they were alive ) because some of his clients started to express a desire to feel more connected with the 'doll.' and he thought this would be a good way to keep their business. though, now he does it for everyone who purchases a ' doll. ' which is absolutely horrifying to think about, of course, but barton has also taken to creating cloth and / or different kinds of dolls as a hobby since winslow ( his surrogate father ) was a toymaker and it reminds him of the man.

plus, winslow was the person to teach him everything he knows regarding how to make the dolls in the first place, so he feels somewhat guilty for just using them for his own... less than savory purposes. but yeah, that is one way that barton is eccentic, and another would be that he can be surprisingly playful sometimes. however, if you are a stranger or if he doesn't know you very well in general, you aren't very likely to see this side of him. his playful / teasing side is mostly reserved for his closer friends, his family members and his romantic partner. like, just imagine the kind of playfulness that comes with completely catching someone off guard by suddenly saying ' trust fall ' out of absolute NOWHERE and letting yourself fall backwards, which leads the other person into a state of panic but then barton catching himself at the last moment. and him being like, ' ahhh, you really thought i was gonna fall back in hopes you would catch me only so i can crack my head open, didn't you? i wouldn't do that. i mean, look at those stick arms. we're gonna have to start calling you skelly if you don't get any meat on those. ' ( lol... )

so, there's no malice behind it, he really just jokes around with the people in his more tight-knit circle sometimes. as for what i'd say a second neutral trait of his is, is that he's a very ambitious person. barton strived for nothing less than A's and maybe the occasional one or two B's whenever it came to high school because he wanted to get into the best medical school that he could in the future — and this carried on into his premed years, though he might've suffered from an extreme case of burnout because of this during his junior year. this was also around the time that his past girlfriend, auriel, disappeared however. so that kind of added onto the situation and made it worse. anyhow, barton has always tried to strive to be the best at his job, despite it being completely wrong morally and has grown somewhat of a reputation with gotham's underground for being one of the best people to go to if you can't go to the hospital ( either because you have committed a crime or a myriad of other reasons ) , but you still want top-quality medical care.

thirdly, and last but certainly not least, is the fact that barton is bold. he is the kind of person in which, if someone tells him not to do something in a bad situation because it's too dangerous or what have you, that he will do it anyway. and despite him generally not being a good father as a rule, he has demonstrated a desire to protect his children over all else in a few situations. which is a rather fearless thing to do when you're being held at gunpoint or outnumbered. his former boss, in particular, had wanted to kill one of his children as punishment for trying to leave him but barton said ' nope, that's not happening, ' and hopped right in front of them. needless to say, they both ended up getting out of that situation alive, but yeah.

another way in which barton is bold is he will stand up to people if they try to hurt his friends and although his definition of friends is... a bit different than normal, to say the least. and this is because barton can very well feel cognitive empathy towards them even if he has difficulty with empathizing with them on an emotional level. once again, it just kind of depends on how close you are to him, but barton has this funny way of appearing as if he doesn't care about someone at all but will turn around and scare off any people who attempt to torment certain people in his life. but anyhow... i'm getting a bit off-track here. i hope this was very informative as to what some of barton's neutral traits are!