#This started as a discord joke and kinda exploded everywhere

[space-whalesharks]

johnnic + 27 ("kiss me.") uwu

Blood Dragon 2 1/2 

Deputy Nic Raylan hears something she’s not thrilled about while working with Guy Marvel and figures out that maybe making a deal with the devil is better than dealing with an asshole. 

“Hey, get back here. I think Guy wants to make out with you.” 

Deputy Nicolette Raylan groaned. She had helped Guy Marvel clear out the angels around that set because back in the day she had loved his movies. They were absolute disasters and therefore cult classics as far as she was concerned. But spending as little as twenty seconds with the man shot all that adoration in the face and buried it. 

He was one of those directors. Arrogant and sleazy and gross. Her film major friends in college had been privy to a few of those jerks in the making. And now she got to deal with them herself. And there was no way in Hell that he was going to leave her alone if she just ignored him. Men didn’t work that way. And now she was within walking distance of the set. And sure, the PAs seemed decent enough considering they wanted to murder the man, but she still didn’t like her chances. She needed somebody, but the Ryes were across town, Sharky and Hurk were off melting angel faces somewhere and probably couldn’t hear a radio over explosions and fire, Jess and Grace had gone hunting that day- there were next to no options if she wanted to deter the creep. 

Until she got an idea. A horrible, no good, stupid, very very bad idea, but it would probably work. And be the fastest option. But also open a brand new can of Yikes worms. Fuck. 

It had taken her ten minutes and three radio calls from Guy in the span of five of those minutes to make her decision. 

Stomach in knots, she switched to a different frequency and leaned in. “John? I need a favor.” 

The response was nearly immediate. “Deputy…” came John’s distinct purr. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“What are you doing right now?” she asked. Because right, what she was about to suggest wasn’t going to inflate his ego enough, she just had to go with suggestive phrasing. 

“Why repairing all the damage you caused around these parts the last couple of days, my dear. Why do you ask?” 

“I need you to meet me at the Guy Marvel set in ten minutes.” 

“Now why would I-” 

“Because, and I can’t believe I’m about to say this- I need to make a fucking point to this fucker, and you’re the only person around who I could make this work with. And I mean, considering you’re both interested in me, out of the two of you you’re the one I trust not to shove his hand down my pants mid-conversation.” 

“… … … What?” 

“Just get here.” 

She made her way back to the set and waited. Minutes ticked by like hours until she saw the cherry red Pygmalion speeding down the road. She saw him pull up to the lot, she and John made eye contact and she delighted in the confused look he gave her. She coughed obnoxiously loudly so Guy would hear it a few yards away nd hurried over to the car. She yanked the door open and climbed inside. Her stomach lurched one more time before she decided to sell her soul to the devil. “Kiss me.” 

John’s eyebrows shot up, but he recovered quickly enough and smirked. “Lust is a-” 

“Sin. Yeah it is, that’s part of the fucking problem. Kiss me.” 

“Why the-” 

“Jesus,” Nicolette hissed before she leaned over him and yanked the lever to tilt his seat backwards. She tried not to enjoy his yelp of alarm too much before she tossed a leg over his lap, crushed her mouth to his and ground her hips down into his for good measure. 

And of course she felt him respond below the belt within seconds and she almost groaned in disgust- and then annoyance when she felt that he was packing. Of course the guy who, in any other circumstance, she probably would’ve jumped into bed with immediately if not for the whole psychopath thing, was hung. It wasn’t fair. 

“BABY! What the fuck is taking you so long?!” 

And there he was, the asshole of the hour. Showtime. She grimaced internally for a moment before she grabbed John’s headrest in order to scoot higher into his lap, then took his hands and put them on her ass. Well, now she was the hypocrite, considering that ‘hands in my pants’ comment she had made when she was practically assaulting him- except he was hardly complaining.

Still, thankfully John’s brain caught up with what was possibly going on- or caught up with his dick, who really knew- and began to kiss her in earnest, giving as good as she did- and pulled her ass closer to him. 

God, the man could kiss- it really wasn’t fair.

She moaned into his mouth as loudly as possible, giving it an overdramatic touch that would make pornstars roll their eyes. 

“BABE- Oh!” Guy cut himself off from just outside. 

Nicolette tore her mouth from John’s and blinked innocently. “Oh! Guy! Hi!” she perked up. “Uh… sorry…” she stroked John’s chest for a moment. “Got… distracted.” She bit her lip and smiled.

“I’ll fuckin’ say,” Guy agreed with a strange tone. Probably turned on. Asshole. “Who the fuck is this?” 

Nicolette blanched for a moment. Did he seriously not know who John was? She had hoped he would fuck off if he thought she was fucking one of the Heralds of the ‘noisest motherfuckers out there’ but to not know John at all? Well, on second thought he probably didn’t bother getting to know any of the people involved in the cult- his head was up far too deep in his ass to do that. Loving yourself and yourself alone would do that.  “This is my boyfriend. Sorry, we just… haven’t seen each other in so long. Just got carried away.” She looked at John. 

John, to his credit, just went with it. He moved his hand up to her hip and stroked it. “Can’t keep my hands off her. She… slips away from me so easily…” he dug his fingers into her hips pointedly at that, and he contained a cringe when she dug her nails into his chest in retaliation. “Sorry, who are you?” he asked. 

Nicolette nearly sighed out loud. The bastard was playing along. Thank fuck. 

Guy immediately went red in the face. “You’re looking at Guy Marvel, pal. Maker of Dead Living Zombies and Blood Dragon 2 and 3, which I’m making now.” 

“Huh. Never heard of them,” John commented drily. 

Nicolette firmly bit her cheek at the sight of the ghost of a smirk that John got in his face that gave away that he knew exactly who the man was. 

Guy went even more red in the face. “Never heard of…” 

John offered him a polite smile. “So my girlfriend here is helping out?” 

“Keepin’ my production safe and secure from those inbred fuckin’ cultists, Hell yeah,” Guy replied. 

John’s smile widened and something changed in his eyes- it was an absolutely predatory look, not unlike the one he had given her in the bunker during her botched confession. “Fucking cultists…” he agreed. 

“Well, you gonna let her come work for me again?” Guy asked. 

Nicolette sharper at that and went to get off Johns lap to give him a piece of her mind.

John dug his fingers into her sides again to keep her still.

She gave him a puzzled look.

The dark edge came back into John’s eyes. He stroked Nicolette’s hip again and leaned closer to him. “Listen, Mister Mabel-” 

“Marvel.” 

“Whatever. My girlfriend does as she pleases. I don’t let her do anything because it’s not my call. If she wants to do something, I say yes, because I don’t own her. And she makes her own choices, as… … disappointing as some of them are,” he cast her a look, and she arched a challenging eyebrow.  “That said…” he looked back at Guy. “I’m…  very proud of her and her exploits. And I like keeping her all to myself.  I’m not one to share. So if I hear you call her ‘Babe’ or any variation, I will find you, and you will not like the outcome. However, that’s provided that she doesn’t get sick of you first and… take matters into her own hands. She can be quite rough when she wants to be.” He pulled his shirt aside to show the edges of the ‘Sloth’ scar. “Do we have an understanding?” 

Guy paled a fair bit and looked like he wasn’t sure whether to look at Nicolette, the scar, or John. “Yes sir.” 

“Good,” John grinned. He opened the car door. “I’ll see you back at the house, Dear. Go on, do your thing.” 

Nicolette looked from him to Guy, only to see that the spot was vacant- and he was a few feet ahead, already booking it back to the set. She sighed in relief. “Can’t believe I’m saying this either, but thank you, John. Don’t know why I didn’t think of just straight up threatening him in the first place.” 

“Most men need the additional push, unfortunately. Especially when they’re ants who think they’re gods in the greater scheme of things.” 

“Okay, Hypocritical Crazy Person. Think long and hard about that one and think about yourself. See you next time I blow up a couple of silos.” She went to dismount him. 

John caught her wrist. “That wasn’t for free,” he pointed out. 

She sighed. “What, you’re not the ‘seal a deal with a kiss’ type of demon?” 

“No. I’m a confession for a favor kind of guy,” he countered. 

Nicolette searched his face for a moment, but found he looked entirely serious. Again, deal with the devil- out of the frying pan into the fire- you made your bed, lay in it kind of things. Besides, she had escaped one Confession. She could escape another. “Fine. Tomorrow. The Ranch. Noon. No one else is there.” 

“Deal,” John agreed. 

Nicolette got off of him the rest of the way and hurried back towards Guy. She hoped the pay was good. If he even paid her. Well, what was another fucking favor at that point. 

———————————–

At 12:30 the next day, Nicolette was sitting in the basement of Seed Ranch, strapped to a chair near identical to the last one. She had been ‘fashionably late’ by a few minutes. By some miracle he had allowed it, but made sure to strap her in as he went on about Confession again. He eventually ended his spiel, and then pointed the tattoo again. “So… we know you’re Wrath, but… any other of those delicious little sins left in you, Deputy?” 

“Plenty, Seed.” 

“Do go on then…” 

Nicolette opened her mouth to respond, and then was immediately cut off when her radio gave a crackle, and then- 

“Hey! Baby! Baby! Get your beautiful ass back here! I need you again! All my people left me like the cheap little shits they are, and you’re all I got!” 

Guy. Again. Are you fucking kidding me? She went wide eyed at the intrusion and tried not to laugh at how indignant John looked. John went to take it off her hip and she raised them and scooted back to get it out of his reach. “Uh uh. You break it or turn it off, I can miss any other bullshit that your people or your siblings pulled. I came here willingly, trade or not. We do this on my terms. I keep the radio. Only fair.” 

“Fine,” John hissed. He moved back. “So, what e-” 

“Baby, come on, don’t be like that!” 

John snarled and launched himself at her radio. He unclipped it from her belt before she could protest. “Mister Marvel. I do believe we had a discussion about that name, did we not?”

“Shit. Uh, sorry. Just need that - uh-” 

“Yes, well, the Deputy and I are a  little… busy at the moment,” John reached over to her hip, pinched and twisted the skin there.

Nicolette yelped- then all but slammed her mouth shut when she realized just what sort of sound John had been aiming for with that sound. ‘Dick’ she mouthed. 

John merely smirked at her and then sighed a little too dreamily. “You catch my drift, Madel?” 

“Marvel.”

“Do. You. Catch. It?” John repeated. 

“Yeah, yeah I catch it.”

“Good. Goodbye, Mister-” 

“WAIT!” 

John groaned. He went to switch the radio off, only for Nicolette to give him a pointed look. He sighed. “What?” 

“Look, I might as well give up the ghost with this thing. It’s doomed from the start. Weak ass location, week ass production staff, weak ass budget. I have to branch out.” 

John and Nicolette exchanged brief looks of morbid confusion. 

“I mean, both of you guys are hot. You clearly don’t mind an audience. Ever consider doing porn? With each other of course, I’m not some cr-” 

“Ooooh my God,” Nicolette concluded, the same time John immediately turned the radio off and all but shoved it back onto her belt. “… That might have actually taken the cake for worst thing I’ve ever heard out of anyone’s mouth here. And that’s saying a lot. That was worse than you guys. But honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t take him up on that because of the way you were the last time with my shirt and that camera there for some reason and-” 

John stared at her for a few seconds, then wordlessly walked over to the chair and unstrapped her. “Get. Out.” 

“Fine. Wonder what Joseph would think about tha-” 

“OUT!” 

“You got it.” 

——————————————————

John radioed her the next day with the offer of a redo. And for some reason unbeknownst to her common sense, she had accepted. 

John had immediately taken the radio off her hip when she arrived, though. 

To both of their surprise, she had played nicely- as he had. He had gotten her out of a potential bind, even if it was just another part of their cat and mouse game. She had cited Pride, named a few instances of it, and he had just finished tattooing the first line of the ‘P’ in her side when one of his men bustled in and commented that someone ‘was on the Deputy’s frequency, calling and asking for her nonstop.’

“And who is it? Sheriff Whitehorse, all gallant up on his white horse, eager to come to the rescue?” 

“No, sir. Some weird name. Guy something. Marvel, maybe?” 

“… God DAMN IT! Get him off the radio! Cut our own fucking frequency if you have to.” 

The Peggie bustled out quickly. 

There was dead silence for a while. “You know, Johnny Boy. New deal.” 

“Oh?” John hissed. 

“A trade. Hudson for Marvel. Because it’s a win-win for everyone. And a favor to the fucking Universe. And he’s probably got all sins in droves compared to her. He’s gonna take a while.” 

John stared at her, and then got that predatory smile on his face again. “Why Deputy, that might be the smartest thing you’ve said yet.” 

“Thought you might like that. So, deal?” 

“Deal.” 

—————————————————————————————–

Two days later, a very confused Joey Hudson was nudged past the Falls End sign by none other than John Seed. She had asked why, and he had responded that “a little blood dragon” had told him to do it. Whatever that meant. 

It was equally puzzling when Nicolette gave her the exact same answer. 

She wanted to get to the bottom of things, but she had learned not to ask questions as of late in this town. 

After all, sometimes it was best to leave well enough alone. 

[excujeemi]

D R U N K [ Ray X Reader ]

Age: around 18 Genre: Fluff Warnings: UHhh, adult jokes (??) and mentions of alcohol

Simple, you know, you were graduating high school and moving on to college of course there'd be parties. And there's only three words to describe this party you're in? Wild as fuck. Man, some were playing beer pong, some were making out, it was just so chaotic you don't even remember as to why you were here in the first place... Oh yeah, your parents forced you to get some human interaction every once in a while.

You thought this party would be very shit and unenjoyable but look at you now, everyone around you was cheering you on to chug , c h u g  , c  h  u  g . And chug you did.

You were already dizzy but you know this is that moment, that sweet moment of youth (??) perhaps and there's the adrenaline and the feeling that you're on top of the world, it's like you can just do anything you want for example, peeing in your annoying neighbor's backyard but let's not take that idea personally-

You were just about to open another bottle of alcohol but then someone stopped you, a hand gripped on your wrist which surprised you, you looked up to see whose hand it was and saw Ray frowning. That's typical, when is he not frowning anyway.

Well, Ray is one of your closest friends, your parents are also both close to each other so it just makes sense. And Ray being the most trusted person of your mother, she asked him if he could pick you up since it was getting kinda late. You know if they were just gonna end up worrying about you then why even force you to get some of that, "human interaction", they're just  exaggerating.

"Oh, hey Ray my beloved , what're you doing here?" You smugly asked as he helped you stand up but your feet kept on tripping and so you slipped, with your hand on Ray's shoulder causing him to fall on top of you while the people surrounding you both were teasing you, you felt Ray's hot breath hitting your neck while his large hands were supporting your back to protect you from directly falling. The close space between the both of you caused Ray's face to turn into a tomato, red flushed cheeks, wide eyes, he lowkey wished you both could stay like that for more time. "You idiot, get up already its almost 4am." He says as he quickly got up and tried to take your heavy ass up. "wAiT, mY bAg and mY phOne, And mY StufF are-" "Shh, shh. I got them all now shut it." He says as he shows you your bag from his other hand, he opened the door with his foot and kicked it close. "Hey Ray, aren't you getting to close, haah~?" You seductively whispered in his ear making him blush for the second time. He rolled his eyes, 'Patience, you must stay calm.' He thinks to himself. "Haah~?" Okay, he decided that was it. "Why don't you walk by yourself then, the parking lot is still quite far from where we are, walk by yourself good luck tripping over everything." He lets go of you while you had trouble tryna regain your posture. "I can walk, don't-d-don't you underestimate the power of this wild creature." You pointed to yourself while making a karate pose.

Ray was annoyed, his eye was twitching and he really did want to abandon you there. "Okay, I'll lead the way then." After a few seconds, everything was going well, he takes a few glances back at you to see how you're doing because apparently if you trip and die he'd be blamed  by your parents. Then he saw you weren't by his side, well obviously not because you kept on slowing down but you really were out of his sight and this worried him by a lot. 'If only Emma and Norman were here to back me up with this dumbass' But for real, he was worried, it had only been a few seconds--what if someone took you or something. He ran a few steps back and looked everywhere and there you fucking were, talking to a celebrity cardboard cutout. "Oh my fucking gosh, this dimwit. Y/n!" He sighs as he massaged his temples. He ran to you and pulled you by your arm. "Ugh, stOp, I'm still flirting with this hot man." You whined as you tried to wriggle your arm out of Ray's hand. He didn't know whether to leave you alone or laugh at you there. "You blockhead, that's...that's a Justin Bieber cardboard cut out for fuck's sake..." Ray was about to explode at this point, you were making him want to combust. "Please, dOn't take me way, I have no flirt with!" "I'll flirt with you all you want just--let's go already this is so embarrassing!" He said to improvise but your drunk self actually believed that he'd flirt with you. "Really?" You asked and he just nods while closing his eyes, annoyed. "YaaaY~, Ray my beloved will flirt with me, I'm the happiest person in the worlll ever." To be honest, Ray would love to hear those words while you're not drunk but he can't help but blush again remembering what Norman used to say, "Drunk people always say what they truly think." He shook his head and as soon as you arrived at the parking lot, he pushed you gently into the backseat. Thankfully, you spent that whole time without saying anything, you were literally just staring at the car's ceiling like a dead person which was creepy. He arrived at your house and it seemed that everyone was asleep so he had to use the spare keys he has. He then opened the door, carrying you bridal style and the hallways were quite narrow so he felt sorry whenever your head hit some walls or table. 💀 lmfao. He carefully placed you on your bed, while you were almost sound asleep. Boy, times like this remind him of deep in love he is with you. You know maybe he should just confess of something.

He smiled and tucked in some hair behind you ear. Very wholesome situation, well until you tugged his arm for him to come closer so he thought you had something to say, when he finally got close you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly which shocked him by a lot. It was comfortable to be in your arms, if only he could stay there a bit more longer. :'). "H-Hey what are you trying to do? Let go of me, Y/n." He softly whispered, his hot breath hitting you once again but a bit more closer which caused you to hug him tighter. "Dream on." And since you really wouldn't let go of him, and he didn't have enough will to force himself out of your hold, he decided to just stay there. It was 4am and your warmth was more than enough to make him sleepy. Next morning: You woke up with someone in your arms, it was very comfortable. 'Oh it's just Ray..wait what--RAY??' "HOLY SHIT RAY! WAKE UP! WAKE-" His hand covered your mouth as his half-asleep eyes stared at you. "What are you so loud in the morning for?" Man, his morning voice could kill. Shaking your head quickly to shoo away the simp thoughts, you built up the courage to ask him this one cliche question. "Di-Did we perhaps, you know? Do the thing?" Of course Ray was not dumb but he can be an ass. Smirking, he asks with an innocent tone, "What do you mean by thing ?" "Oh my--you know what I mean! Stop acting dumb-" "Oh you mean sex?" He stared at you for a while, keeping that smirk of his on his face while seeing you so flustered and red. "Why do you have to be so blunt, this is why I hate you.." You said as you buried your face into one of your pillows. "Chill, woman. We didn't do that. You did do something dumb last night though." He chuckles as he removes the pillow away from your red face. "Please kill me--what is it?" "Well you just flirted with a Justin Bieber Cutout, nothing new." "I really did that?" You cried as you started mentally smashing your head on a rock. "Yes, yes you did." As soon was those words of confirmation came out of his mouth, you started getting flashbacks again, "Dude, I'll never be drunk again." "That's a good idea. But if you never get drunk again you might never hug me again the way you did last night." 'The way I did last night?...' What did he even mean by that... "What do you mean?" "Want a demonstration?" ..... THE END lol bye this was so bad ahvdusvud - Follow me on wattpad - @excujeemi Join my discord server !! https://discord.gg/wXSuKBXMXt