#This moth may be more than we can handle !

[leafatlaw]

hlvrai was literally made for me(<— guy who loves repeating things)

[cinewhore]

Back in the Saddle

Pairing: Boone x fem!reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: angst, little fluff, tornadoes! more like one tornado but you get the picture. mentions of pregnancy - nothing described in detail.

A/N: you already know what it is. this is more angsty than what I planned but I enjoy it. I hope you do too. absolutely no beta. An alternate ending may be posted soon. Credits to the gif artist.

The screams of amused thrill seekers followed by the sweet smell of candy apples brought more warmth to your heart than you’d imagine. 

A carnival camped out in the parking lot of your old community college felt typical of the town you left, resurfacing memories you swore you’d never revisit. You planned to stay in for the night, maybe catch a flick or catch up on some emails you’ve been avoiding but your little one insisted on coming after passing by one night on the way home. 

“Mama, can we go to the party? Gigi says I’ve been good.” she mentioned earlier that evening. It was true, you had been taking her to your mothers while you acclimated to your new job. At first you were worried, nervous that she would throw tantrums and beg to stay with you because you were all that she had known up until this point. You packed your bags weeks into the pregnancy and handled going into labor all by yourself. It wasn’t ideal and looking back, a pretty big mistake but your mother always greeted you with grace and patience, even if you didn’t extend it to yourself. 

Bailey took to her like moths to a light. They were inseparable and whenever Bailey left your mothers house, she’d always ask when she was going back. 

“Well, if Gigi said you were good then we can go. Maybe we can split some pizza and ice cream?” 

You’d never seen Bailey run faster to put her shoes on. 

The two of you cheered during the pig race, got dizzy while riding the spinning teacups and loaded up the photo app on your phone with pictures of her riding her first roller coaster. It was rewarding to watch her navigate this space, eyes aglow. You were working yourself down to the bone as the new executive assistant to a local lawyer but if it meant that Bailey could enjoy her childhood more than you ever did, that was a sacrifice you’d make. 

After a few hours of enjoying the rides, you decided it was time for dinner. You order two cheese slices and head to a quiet picnic table near the edge of the dining area. 

With the slice mere centimeters from your mouth, Bailey taps you. “You’re supposed to say grace first.” 

You sigh, setting the food down and crossing your hands together. Bailey watches you carefully, mimicking your actions. 

“Go on, then. Say grace.” 

Bailey squeezes her tiny eyes shut. “Dear Jesus, thank you for pizza. And Gigi. And momma. And piggies. Amen.” 

“Amen.” 

You show her how to fold the slice in half, making it easier for her to chew. You did your best to keep her clean, she insisted on wearing her new shirt tonight but children will be children. A big splat of pizza sauce lands on her shirt before dribbling down onto her jeans. 

You groan and dab your finger along the excess red liquid, licking it before it has time to set it. “Bailey! Look at that, now I’m gonna have to do laundry tonight.” 

“Sorry, mama!” The toddler attempts to help you but makes things worse. 

You grab at her hands to stop her. “Just-can you be a big girl and grab some napkins for me?” 

“From where?” 

You gaze around before your eyes land on a condiments table, a full container of napkins resting beside the ketchup. 

“Right there. Go on, I’m watching you from here.” 

Bailey nods and takes off, going as fast as her little legs can carry her. Halfway to the table, she bowls straight into a group of people, colliding into a leg,  landing flat on her tush. 

“Woah! You alright there little speed racer?” the victim asks her and you freeze. 

You knew this was always a possibility. Hell, the town wasn’t that big. You knew that at any given moment, you’d stop running from your past and run right into it instead. You just wish it wasn’t tonight. 

Bailey is more stunned than hurt and she doesn’t give the man a chance to help her before she’s barreling back to you. 

You stand and console her, hoping that if you don’t make eye contact with him that he’d disappear. 

Unfortunately, Boone wasn’t the kind of guy you’d ignore. 

He calls out your name in disbelief and you exhale softly, slowly lifting your head. There he was, in all of his tanned glory. Boone certainly had grown, muscles well defined and mustache thick. His hair was longer, tucked under a signature trucker hat. Crooked smile as bright as ever. 

“Holy shit.” 

“Hi, Boone.” 

You break eye contact to see that he was with his crew, the infamous tornado wranglers. They all stare between the two of you, the unspoken history of your relationship hanging in the air above them. The silence was fucking comical. 

Lily clears her throat. “Uh, guys, we should, um get in line for the funnel cakes. Before, ya know, it gets long.” 

She not so subtly pushes Boone towards you, herding everyone else off into the opposite direction. 

“This is the last place I’d expect to run into you.” Boone comments, attempting to lean on the picnic table across from yours but he miscalculates his reach and nearly stumbles into you. 

“Oh!” you exclaim, helping him steady his footing. “Still clumsy.” 

“You know I always fell for you.” He chuckles nervously. Bailey tugs on your jeans and you rub your hand across her head in a soothing manner. She stares curiously at Boone, who squats to meet her eye line. 

“And what’s your name, pretty little lady?” 

You look down at her as well, nudging her gently to let her know it was ok. 

“My name is Bailey.” 

Boone raises his eyebrows enthusiastically. “Well, I’ll be! That’s my favorite name. Did you know that? Are you a secret mind reader?” 

Bailey giggles, gaining more confidence as she steps from behind your leg and closer to Boone. “No, mister smarty pants! You’re silly.” 

Boone keeps the amused look on his face, searching yours for clarification.

“Ah, mister smarty pants is a puppet in this show she likes to watch. Everyone besides my mother and I are referred to as such. His pants wear glasses. It’s weird.” you explain. 

“Well, how ‘bout this?” Boone rummages around his many cargo pants compartments before pulling out a pair of sunglasses. He places them above his knee, balancing it with precision. 

“It’s me, Mister Smarty Pants!” 

You shake your head, pointing upwards with your finger. “Higher octave.” 

Boone tries out a number of voices, not giving up until Bailey laughs. You smile tenderly at the interaction. He gestures to your table and you all sit back down, Bailey going to town on her food. You had given up on trying to keep her neat, you would be staying up late regardless. May as well get laundry out of the way. 

Getting Bailey settled means your attention was shifted and this allowed Boone to fully take you in. It had been about three years since he last saw you in person, the burner instagram account he used to keep with you digitally proving futile, as you weren’t the social media type. Your face took more shape, body fuller. Your accent was masked, bits and pieces of it slipping out when you pronounced certain words. You wore an effective mask, a sure symptom of your failed relationship and attempt to acclimate to the city life. 

You look up to catch him staring. He blushes and bites his lip, toying with his hat. You prop your hand under your chin, tilting your head sideways. 

“What has Boone been up to all these years? Still risking your life for random people on the internet?” 

“You can say that. These folks aren’t random though, they are devoted fans of our crew! We’ve reached our million subscriber milestone. Look,” Boone pulls up his youtube channel and holds the phone up to your face. “Tornado Wranglers going global, baby!” 

“Wow, that’s amazing. I remember when you first started that. I’m happy you stuck with it.” 

Boone nods, reading in-between the lines. The youtube channel hadn’t been the deciding factor in you ending your relationship with Boone but it definitely was a cause. You thought it reckless, constantly begging him to consider getting a “real” job. It didn’t help that when he told you that he was going to work with Tyler full time, it was the same day you found out you were pregnant with Bailey. 

You see him in her all the time, it was sickening. Their off putting humor, lopsided smiles and unrelenting curiosity was enough to drive you up the wall. Bailey would ask from time to time about her “papa” and you’d always switch the conversation, redirecting her attention to something else. It had gotten to the point where she just ultimately just stopped asking. 

You’d always imagine having a family with Boone. Call it a teenage fantasy but it always felt like an endgame with you two. You met during your first year of college, both stuck as chemistry lab partners. Boone was the class clown, although it wasn’t like he was actively trying to be. He was off kilter and you liked that about him, it was a stark difference from everyone else you grew up with. It also didn’t help that he was the smartest one in the class. 

He became your tutor, then your friend and finally, your boyfriend. 

Boone studies Bailey as she eats. “How, uh, old is she?” 

You sigh deeply. “I think you can guess, Boone.” 

He nods gently. “You been in town long? 

“Uh, about six months. It got a bit harder juggling her on my own. My mom’s been helping out. I started a new job at a law firm, so I’m there for most of the day.” 

“That explains your clothes then.” 

You glance down at your corporate attire, pulling your blazer across your slightly exposed cleavage. “Had to grow up someday, ya know?” 

“You think I haven’t?” Boone asks, a hint of frustration in his tone. He rarely got upset and watching him wrestle with his emotions now was a bit unsettling. 

“Listen, I wasn’t expecting to have this conversation today, so forgive me if I don’t use the right words.” 

Boone hums, jaw ticking. “It’s just that, you know, I’ve been here. If you needed help or whatever, I could’ve done that. Especially seeing that she’s my ch-” 

You hurry to cover Bailey’s ears. “Can you not! Jesus, Boone! It’s just like you, never knowing when to quit.” Bailey watches keenly as the two of you bicker, voices muffled and mixed in with the ambiance of the carnival. 

“Just like you never know when to stop running.” 

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does but Boone’s words seep into an open wound and cuts deep. You bite your lip to stop them from quivering and Boone’s facial expression gives way, aware that he crossed a line. 

“I’m sorry-” 

“It’s fine. It’s true, anyhow.” 

It was hereditary. Your grandmother left her children when things got too hard. Your mother gave you up for a period of time, passing you around from relative to relative while she got her shit together. Then there was you, getting knocked up unexpectedly and running off from the only man who truly loved you. After eighteen hours of agonizing labor, when the nurses plopped a pale and howling newborn on your chest, something clicked. You decided that for now, you were done running. You would be the mother to Bailey that your mother wasn’t for you and that your grandmother wasn’t to her children. 

Telling Boone was a part of your plan, it really was but between work and raising Bailey, there wasn’t much time left to ruminate on how to notify him that he was a father after all these years. Not after the way it ended. 

You were waitressing at a diner near campus during that time. You were trying to keep up with school but it proved more difficult than you could imagine. You and Boone moved hastily into a studio apartment, despite your mother’s warnings. The two of you were in love. What’s true love compared to anything else?  Boone dropped out after freshman year, promising that his work with Tyler would catapult you two into a better situation. Just give me some time, he’d say. You did. You met Boone when you were 19. At that point, you’d turn 22, become a dropout and nothing had changed. 

The straw that broke the camel's back was coming home after a long shift at the diner to find an eviction notice on your door. It had been Boone’s responsibility to give the rent check to your landlord so you were very shocked to find out that Boone hadn’t delivered the last two. 

When you confronted him about where the money had gone, fearful that he began using drugs or developed a gambling addiction, he reluctantly told you that he was developing a tornado tracking device and that the money was needed for a prototype. You ran to the kitchen sink to vomit, told him that you’d save the conversation for later and went to bed. 

You and your belongings were gone when he woke up the next morning. 

Bailey claps her hands together, signaling that she was done with food. She points at the paper plate. “Trash?” 

“Yes, baby, trash. You can put it in there by yourself, mommy can see you from here.” 

Scrunching her eyebrows in deep concentration, Bailey wanders back over near the condiments table, making sure not to run this time. 

“She’s pretty smart for a tiny person.” Boone notes. 

“She is! My mom has been good with her. I think she benefits from spending time with her more than I do. It’s like she gets a second chance at raising a kid.” 

Boone gazes at you, brown eyes pooled over with acute affection. “I’d like to maybe get a second chance at being there for you. The both of you. If you’ll have me, of course.” 

Remember, you’re done running.

You smirk and attempt to smother down the heat rising to your cheeks. Boone mirrors your expression before it completely drops. 

You frown, nervous that you said or did the wrong thing. “Boone?” 

He stands to his feet abruptly, eyes darting across the dark skyline behind you. The air becomes still, the miniscule hairs rising along your arms and neck. A sensation you were all too familiar with. 

You stand next to Boone on shaky legs, blinking your eyes rapidly to try and force them to adjust to the night sky, to see what he sees. 

Thunder rumbles in the distance, lighting illuminating the terrifying reality you were about to come face to face with. 

A twister. 

“Boone! We gotta move! NOW!” Tyler’s voice roars out from behind you. The crowds surrounding you all begin to panic and scatter, the warning siren screeching violently. 

You instinctively reach out to grab for Bailey but realize she isn’t there.

You spin in a circle, heartbeat rising erratically. Within a blink of an eye, your baby was gone. You could hear Boone repeating your name frantically, tugging on your arm, begging you to move but you couldn’t. You weren’t leaving without Bailey. 

“She’s gone.” you whimper, hands flying over your mouth. “I lost her, Boone!” 

He turns to look at his crew. “Go! I’ll catch up.” 

“You fucking better!” Lily screams. 

Boone turns to you, grasping your face with his hands. “Darlin’, we’re gonna find her, ok? We just can’t stand here cause if we do, we’re gonna die.”

You choke out a cry. 

“Ok, ok! Die may not be the best word to use but it will not be good!” 

He grabs you and the two of you run deeper into the carnival, calling out for Bailey. It felt useless, given the sheer amount of screams and bodies that were furiously scattering all around you. The wind picks up and scatters debris every which way, game stalls and food stands being ripped from the ground. 

“Watch out!” you shout, shifting Boone out of the way of a falling dunk tank. The water rushes towards you, sweeping away a few who were not fast enough to dodge it. 

“There!” he points and you follow the direction of his finger. Across the way is Bailey, standing by a water fountain, crying. 

You both push your way through the frenzy, dropping at your knees to assess your daughter. Outside of sporting a few cuts and bruises, she was fine. 

“Come on baby girl, we go to go!” 

Bailey shakes her head furiously, planting her feet firmly in the ground. “I’m scared!” 

You try to lift her into your arms but it’s no use, she won’t move. Boone tickles at her stomach to get her attention. 

“You ever heard of a spider monkey before?” He asks. 

Bailey shakes her head. 

“So, they’re these freaky little monkeys, you know, with long legs and tails. They run around on each other like backpacks. You think you can climb on my back and pretend to be a spider monkey?” 

Boone makes a few monkey noises, scratching underneath his chin. This elicits a small grin from Bailey and she gives in. Once secured to Boone, the three of you take off in the direction of the community college building, where people are taking shelter. 

The tornado is unrelenting as it closes in on the parking lot, cutting power lines and sucking up everything in its path. The forceful winds tug at the sloppily put together mini ferris wheel right in front of you, the metal groaning in weak protest before it topples over, crushing a family underneath it. It blocks your clear exit to the building. 

“We’re not gonna make it in time.” Boone announces. 

“What are we gonna do?” 

Boone scans the area with precise expertise, like a dog on the scent. It doesn’t take long before he’s taking your hand and leading you to a grassy area. 

“There!” He points to an adjacent neighborhood, noticing a ditch in front of a small house. It wasn’t the best idea but given the situation, it was the only choice you had. 

You dodge a few abandoned cars, trying to be mindful of your steps. Boone is gentle as he removes Bailey from her position and hands her over to you, instructing you to get in the ditch first. 

“Bailey, I need you to hold on to me and keep your eyes closed, understand?” 

You feel her nod against your chest. Boone hops in after you, shielding your body with his. The tornado whistles as it finally reaches you, the sound causing you to grind your teeth and squeeze your eyes shut. You don’t dare move until Boone releases his hold on you. 

The place was wrecked to hell. Overturned cars, ripped carnival games, fallen trees. Years worth of reconstruction that only took seconds to destroy. It was a reason why you wanted to leave, why you wanted to raise Bailey elsewhere. You didn’t want to have to constantly expose her to such harsh weather but let’s face it, you’re a southern girl at heart. If it wasn’t a tornado, it would be a hurricane, flood or worse. 

The best you could do is prepare her for this life and there was no one else better to help than Boone. 

TWO YEARS LATER.

“You sure about this?” your mother asks you for the millionth time. 

“Nope,” you sigh. “But it’s his day, he’s a professional and I trust him.” 

Your mother scoffs, patting you on the back. “Lying to yourself. Like a good mother should. Bailey! Hurry up, your father is going to be here any minute.” 

Bailey comes rushing down the stairs, dressed in a similar fashion to Boone. You give her a once over, smoothing down her wild hair. “Are you excited?” 

“Mhm!” Bailey hums, bouncing up and down on her feet. “I’m gonna be a storm chaser!” 

“Oh, brother.” you mumble, voice drowned out by the thumping bass of country music, a signifier that Boone had arrived.

You open up the door to reveal Tyler’s truck, Boone hopping out the passenger side before the vehicle could even be put in park. 

“Monkey!” Boone yells, Bailey darting out from behind you and out the door, straight into her fathers arms. He wrestles her around, mindful not to overdo it while you are watching. 

The horn sounds off and Tyler pops his head out from the driver seat as he waves to you, Lily and Dexter’s coming out from the back. You cringe at the ear splitting noise and wave back, knowing you were definitely going to get shit from the neighbors. 

Boone walks up to you and presses a small kiss on your cheek. “Hey hot mama. I promise to have her back before dinner.” 

You stare at him sternly, lips pressed into a thing line. “And?” 

Boone groans playfully. “I promise not to let her ride shotgun, use Lily’s drone, have her within 1,000 feet of a tornado, alcohol or Tyler’s groupies.” 

“Very good, thank you.” You pinch Bailey’s cheeks, smiling at her fondly. “Behave, the both of you. 

“Yes ma’am.” they answer in unison. 

You lean against the railings of your porch, watching as Boone helps Bailey into the backseat. Your arrangement wasn’t perfect but for now, it worked. You were still trying to figure out how to best repair your relationship and you felt it necessary to take things slow, get to know one another again as you eased back into things. Romantic feelings lingered but you wanted to make sure that you put Bailey first. She’d be the most hurt out of everyone if this didn’t go well. 

Boone had adjusted quite nicely to being a father in his own way, full of quirks and surprises as always. It was nice having him around again after not seeing him for so long and you would do everything in your power to make things work. 

“Hey!” you call out to Boone as he climbs back into the passenger seat. 

Boone stops midway. “Yeah?” 

“...I love you.” 

Boone’s smile nearly splits his face in half. Tyler pretends to gag. He revs the engine and pulls out of the yard delicately, cranking up the speed down the residential street like a bat out of hell once out of your line of view. 

You weren’t sure how you felt about being back in the saddle with Boone but you knew you had more confidence this go round. 

Besides, it wasn’t like it was your first rodeo. 

[moonpedri]

does he know.

summary: you love gavi and you're happy in your relationship with him. but for some reason you're the moth and pedri, his best friend, is the flame that pulls you in.

pairing: pedri x reader

genre: angst, smut and a sprinkle of fluff

warnings: cheating (we do not support!), phone s*x, masturbating, mentions of genitals lmao, cursing

word count: 3.3k

a/n: this idea came to me months ago when i heard the song 'moth to a flame' by the weeknd while working lmao. and when you work in retail, you have a lot of time to think :D. i do not condone cheating in any way, i think it's vile and disgusting, but 🫣😵‍💫 i couldn't help myself with this one. enjoy!!<3

────────────

"Hey, everything alright, sugar?"

You hiccup, "N-no. Can you come over?"

"Be there in 10." He hangs up immediately, giving you no time to even thank him. You take a look at your phone again. Your vision is blurry with tears in your eyes.

The call lasted a record time of 7 seconds. That's how long it took for you to convince him to come over. The occasion was usually a different one, but you needed his comfort more than anything right now.

You look at the contact picture, Pedri was smiling at the camera. No, he was smiling at you. The thought alone puts a smile on your face as well, but the events only hours ago catch up to you and you almost break out into tears again.

You and Pablo fought, and you normally never do. Dating Pablo Gavi was no easy task, but you loved the challenge. You loved how easy it was with him sometimes and how difficult it could get too. That's what made a relationship a relationship.

He treats you right and you feel incredibly loved by him. Maybe that's why it irked you the wrong way when one of his female friends got a little too close to him today, when your mutual friend group went mini-golfing. It only got worse when he reciprocated her actions.

"It's actually super easy, just hold the handle this way.", he explained to her, all the while you stood behind them, seeing red. She was shamelessly oggling at his biceps in front of you. In a fit of jealousy, you decided to just ignore him the entire rest of the day. Looking back at it, you may have spoiled the mood for everyone but you didn't care. You could have made a scene as well and ruined the fun straight upc but you decided to do it silently instead. Which again, was absolutely stupid, because just telling Pablo would have done the job.

He's a sweetheart, you know he never meant it that way. He never looses his temper with you either, he just calmly listens to you and talks to you; both of you finding a compromise to the problem - that's just how things between you two worked.

And that makes everything so much worse, because today he did lose his temper with you. He screamed at you, and you screamed back. Mean things where exchanged inside the car. You really don't want to know what a sight you two made.

It ended with him pulling over, after you yelled at him to stop the car. You slammed the door shut and stormed off, expecting him to follow you. He never did. Instead he raced off, leaving you in the dust.

In retrospect, you did it to yourself. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt though.

The way home took you a little more than 30 minutes and once you were inside, the tears began flooding down your face.

You hated feeling like this and you hated the fact that it was your own fault even more. You tried calling Gavi multiple times, but he didn't answer. And after an hour, you decided to stop, it was hopeless anyways. You would have to spend this awful night alone tonight, you thought.

And if God wasn't on your side that evening, the Devil definitely was. It was as if he was right by your sight, whispering sinful words into your ear. And foolishly, you listened to him.

You decided to call Pedri.

It sounds wrong, and maybe it is, but it certainly never felt that way with him. Risqué, you would describe the relationship you two have. At least that's what you always told Pedri; you liked the way the word sounded. A little french, no?

He's your boyfriend's best friend. They're teammates and Pablo told you multiple times that he even considers him a brother.

A brother you secretly slept with.

In your defense, you met him and slept with him before you and Pablo were even talking to each other. It was useless though, because you continued.

You didn't mean for it to happen, but like bananas turn to the sun and moths to a flame, you turned to Pedri.

If you're the moth, then Pedri is the flame that pulls you in and burns you. But he never lets it come so far, because he always pulls back before you can burst into flames.

This thing between you and Pedri started about a year ago, months before you even knew Pablo.

You met coincidentally one day at a match of his. Your little brother was a huge FC Barcelona fan and you gifted him front-row tickets for his 12th birthday.

They won that day and some of the players decided to sign autographs and take pictures with their loyal Culers.

Pedri was one of them.

Your brother squealed when the 19 year old football player was near you. He signed his jersey with a chuckle. "You're my idol, Pedri! Thank you so much.", your brother said politely, the excitement in his voice very evident.

"Thank you, big man. Your support helped a lot today.", Pedri said gratefully.

He looked at you then and you had admit that in person he looked even better. His big brown eyes worked like hypnosis on you and the sun did nothing to hide his beautiful tan either.

It seemed like he wanted to sign your shirt as well. You wanted to decline, you didn't need his sign but your brother beat you to it.

"My sister thinks you're handsome."

To this very day you don't know if you should thank him for introducing Pedri into your life or be angry at him for humiliating you like that in front of him.

Pedri's eyes widened. He turned to your brother mischievously, "Oh, is that so? Is she a fan as well or...does she just like my face?"

"Yes, but not as big as me of course. She and her friend talked about you on the phone sometimes. It's sooo annoying." Your brother complains nonchalantly, like Pedri was his best-bud and they just catch up with each other.

You grab your around your little brother's head and pull it close to your side, hushing him, "Anyways, good game.", you tell Pedri with a wide smile. You make a move to just leave, when Pedri holds up his pen.

"Let me sign your shirt."

You press your lips together but give in eventually, hoping that he'll just quickly move on to his other fans. He bids you goodbye with a wink and a ruffle to your brothers head.

It's only later at home that you realized that he left his phone number on your shirt. You still have it stowed away in the safety of your closet. And it will probably stay there forever.

You texted Pedri the next day. After all you couldn't come off as too easy, right?

Talking with him came easy. Conversations flowed like water and the topics just never stopped. It felt good to be with him, you felt like yourself. He listened to your every word and he made you feel special.

The two of you dated around for 5 months. You would lie if you said that these months weren't one of the most beautiful times of your life so far, but also the most hurtful ones.

Pedri travelled a lot with you, spoiled you rotten to no end and the sex(!!!). You genuinely liked his presence.

You wore your heart on your sleeve, you practically gave it to him. You two acted like a couple, like you were utterly and completely in love.

Maybe you were. Maybe it was just your imagination, because a guy showed so much interest in you for the first time.

But you two were never officially together.

Pedri never asked you to be his girlfriend. He always brought you everywhere, yet he never introduced you as his special someone.

You still wonder if Pedri never felt anything for you. Why he hesitated so much. It broke your heart, when you told him one day that you had enough. Of course he immediately understood what you meant. And the little hope you had of him finally making the last step, diffused when he said nothing more. He didn't fight for you, he let you go.

It hurt you, but for some reason it didn't break you like you initially thought it would. In fact, you and Pedri still stayed in contact. You befriended some of his friends in the time you two dated, it would've been awkward. And like you mentioned, being with Pedri was easy.

If you two could be lovers, then you definitely can be friends as well.

Things between you ended in September. In November you met Gavi.

It came a bit to a surprise to you, the wound didn't completely heal yet and Gavi was a year younger than you; you didn't go for younger guys. But Pablo was gentle, he put a band-aid over it and in January the two of you started dating.

That's also when things between you and Pedri started to become...different. In the time between the break-up and the start of your new relationship, he treated you like a good friend would. Pedri made you feel at ease and less hurt over the whole ordeal. He never hinted at anything more. The moment your relationship became public though, he started acting odd.

Suddenly he was everywhere. He stood and sat next to you whenever your little group of friends met. When you were at the beach, his eyes practically undressed you behind his shades. When you watched their training sessions, he lingered by your side too long.

No one noticed because you and Pedri always got along. You were friends. Only some knew that there may have been more, but no one knew for sure - especially not Gavi.

The real culprit however was you. Because all the while, you never said anything. You never rejected Pedri, you did nothing to push him away. It was just not in you to do that. Like it was coded in your DNA.

The cheating however started with a call one night. In a state of boredom you decided to browse through your gallery and organize it, when you stumbled across old pictures of you and Pedri.

In one you were cuddling, in the next one you were kissing. The pictures got gradually more indecent and you couldn't help but think back to when you took them. You laid on your back, naked cleavage only slightly visible. Sweat collected itself on your hairline. Next to you was Pedri, sucking on your neck, only the back of of his head visible.

You swiped right. Another intimate picture, but this time it was a mirror selfie. Not much was visible thanks to the curtains that dimmed the room, but you sat on top of him. Your nipples perked up. Pedri's hands grabbed onto your hips harshly, his head was tilted back.

You remember taking this picture very well. Pedri always said he didn't like taking them, he complained when you took this very one. In hindsight you believe he did. He posed so well on camera, you know he must have enjoyed it secretly.

You also remember how good he felt inside of you. He always managed to find the right spot to make you squeal and squirm around, stretching your cervix in all the right ways.

Heat began building up in your lower area and you couldn't help but lower your hands under your pants. The moment you cupped your vulva, goosebumps spread all over your body. It's been a long time since you touched yourself.

Being horny alters something in your brain. All at once, you can't think rationally. Essentially, you just think with your fucking dick. It just overcomes you - like a switch.

Rationally thinking you should have called your boyfriend. One look at the picture on your phone told you that that wasn't what you wanted.

A few taps later and the phone rings.

"__. It's one in the morning, is everything okay?", he answers the phone. The sleepiness in his voice was evident.

"Yeah, I just-.", a sigh escapes your mouth. Your ring finger touched around the entrance of your vagina and you can't even formulate a proper sentence. Nothing that you did right now was morally right, it was absolutely impromper. You didn't know how you were going to explain your late night call to Pedri either.

But he knew you so well. He recognized the tone in your voice immediately.

"__", his voice was hoarse. It did nothing to ease your pleasure, no, it only worsened it. "I think you got the wrong number."

"No, I don't.", you retorted.

He sounded troubled, "You should call Pablo. You shouldn't hav-"

"No, I wanted you.", you say as you add another finger to circle around your vagina. You're so wet already and so sensitive. A moment of silence passes and you press your thighs together. You didn't have the time to argue around.

Something needed to be done.

"I just found an old picture of us in my phone. You know, the ones in bed you didn't like. And I just remembered,", you closed your eyes, "I just, Pedro please do something."

You heard him shuffle on the other end.

"Fuck, what are you doing right now?"

And so he joins your little spiel.

You opened your legs and started rubbing your clitoris, "Touching myself."

"Where?"

Pedri's voice, now a lot more demanding, was still raspy from sleep and you began rubbing a bit faster. "My clit. Wish it was you", you croaked out. You started getting louder.

Pedri curses, "M'getting hard. Fuck."

You imagined what he must look like right now, lying in his bed, pants pulled down and stroking his dick desperately. You whimpered at the thought.

You loved his dick.

Honestly penises never really appealed to you objectively; they're ugly. They definitely felt better than they looked and if someone asked, you wouldn't say they were a man's nicest body part. You still liked them though.

Pedri, however, had one of the prettiest ones you have ever seen (not that you saw many). Everything from his girth to his tip to his color was so perfect. You loved sitting between his legs, crawling at his muscular thighs, while his dick was in your mouth.

A moan escaped your mouth, "Your cock always felt so good. So pretty."

You wondered if Pedri imagined you naked as well. If his thoughts were as filthy as yours were. Surely, they must have been. "Fuck, baby, I thought about your pussy so much."

"Yeah?"

"Hmm, always so good for me. No one compares."

You could here the slick sound of him pumping his dick through the phone, it was lewd. So dirty and so wrong, but you never felt better.

Rubbing your clit was not enough anymore, you needed your fingers inside of you. The sound filled your entire bedroom and you held the phone closer between your legs. "Pedro.", you moan his name. You wanted him know how he made you feel, how your body reacted just at the thought of him.

"You sound so wet, princess, just for me?"

"Yes, only you." You started kneading your boob too, imagining it to be his hand instead. "Ahh.", you cry as you hit that special spot. Pedri always managed to find it. May it be with his dick, his fingers or, your favorite, his tongue - hot and wet. He made you feel things you didn't think a human could feel.

The call didn't go on for long. You taunted and teased each other for only a little longer. Words became more slurred until the only thing left was the lewd sounds of you two moaning and whimpering into each other's ears.

You were close. Your fingers were still rapidly pushing back and forth, until everything came to a halt. You couldn’t breathe.

Your back archs backwards and your fingers were clutching at the sheets, as heat overcame your body and your orgasm washed over you. You're vaguely aware of Pedri grunting into the phone as well - too lost in your own pleasure.

And then it slowly fades away.

Suddenly you're hyper-aware of everything, as your consciousness trickled back. Your chest heaves up and down heavily.

You stared at the ceiling, guilt starting to consume you all of a sudden. You felt horrible, to say the least.

Pedri must have felt the same way, you believed. Heavy breathing was the only thing you heard on his end, when you spoke up, "Don't get me wrong. This was...amazing.", you started, searching for words. "But Pablo can't know. This shouldn't have happened, I'm sorry, I don't know what overcame me."

It took Pedri a moment to answer your word-vomit. "It's fine,__. There are always two involved, right? Let's just forget about it." The guilt in his voice was evident too, Gavi was his best friend after all.

You thought that settled it. A one-time mistake.

One time turned to two times and two times turned to multiple more calls at night, sometimes while Pablo slept next to you.

You kept the pictures of you two, and your boyfriend's bed was not the only bed you have spent your night at anymore. And he wasn't the only one spending his nights in yours either.

Just like right now.

The ringing of the doorbell rips you out of your thoughts. Pedri actually manages to be at your door in 8 minutes.

He engulfes you in a hug the moment he sees your tear-struck face. "Talk to me, what happened?", he mumbles against your hair.

You sit on your bed when you tell him of your fight with Pablo. Your stupidity that ruined everything. Pedri sits and listens intently to your worries. Occasionally he caresses your hand or hair.

"I didn't think he would get so angry with me.", you sob.

Pedri smiles at you with warm eyes. In a moment of weakness you think about what would have happened if you stayed with Pedri. Would Pedri have acted the same way?

"W-Would you have done the same?"

The question lingers in the air for a moment. You can't blame yourself for asking. Not right now, when you feel so powerless. And you can't blame Pedri for his silence either. After all, the lines are blurred already, he has to be careful with his words.

"I don't know. Probably not.", he says.

Pedri knows you good enough by now. The look in your eyes tells him everything he needs to. You were like an open book to him.

You insinuated at more, at something possible in the future. One word and you'll be his. But he shuts you down. "He's good for you.", he says then. "I see the way he makes you feel, he truly loves you,__. You deserve that. Don't worry."

He tells to you stay with Gavi; he looks you dead in the eye, while saying it. It annoys you a bit that after all this time, he still behaves the same. But he is aware of that. Because when you need him, he's always just one call away. That's all he is and may ever be.

And Pedri knows, that you are loyal to him. Your heart lies with him; in his arms.

He looks at your vulnerable state, at your glossy eyes watching him. Oh yes, your heart truly lies with him.

Like a moth to a flame, he pulls you in. And like a flame, he's fickle but destructive. And once the moth gets too close to him, it burst into flames.

────────────

© moonpedri - DO NOT copy, translate or post my work anywhere without my permission!

[correlance]

Rewriting Vaggie's Character Arc and Backstory in Season 1 of 'Hazbin Hotel'

One of my biggest issues with Season 1 of Hazbin Hotel, and the Charlie/Vaggie relationship, was how Vaggie's character and arc for the season were written - or, specifically, the lack of solid, thoughtful writing, as well as character and relationship development for Vaggie.

First up are the two main songs in Season 1 that feature, or relate to, Vaggie specifically: "Whatever It Takes" in Episode 3 ("Scrambled Eggs"), and "Out For Love" in Episode 7 ("Hello Rosie"). Both notably feature Carmilla Carmine, who serves as a foil for Vaggie in the show.

I've seen "Whatever It Takes" compared to "Do It For Her" from Steven Universe, except the latter has several seasons and dozens of episodes' worth of character development for Pearl, as well as the exploration of her relationship with Rose Quartz. Meanwhile, "Whatever It Takes" comes in just Episode 3 of Season 1 of Hazbin Hotel, and the song feels really out-of-place. It sounds like a song that should be later in Season 1, or even in Season 2, and not Episode 3, which I feel made the song seem shoehorned in due to the fast pace of Season 1, and lessened its impact, for many fans and viewers.

We also have no prior character development for Vaggie that would explain how and why she is singing those particular lyrics, especially for first-time viewers who never watched the original pilot episode. This is a big problem for the song itself, and its notability, overall.

The way the song is written and framed also gives off the impression that Vaggie and Carmilla have some sort of prior connection, or that Vaggie may be one of Carmilla's daughters...only for this not to be the case in Episode 7. Even Carmilla's song, "Out For Love", in Episode 7 makes a lot more sense, if you consider the possibility that Vaggie may have been originally written to be one of Carmilla's daughters in early drafts of the show. Many also assumed as much from the song.

However, once Vaggie's backstory was changed, the songs were still kept in, which led to highly confusing lyrics which make no sense. This is because we're never told what Vaggie's motivations actually are, outside of her wanting to be a protector for Charlie in Episode 3. However, this is also a problem, because it reduces Vaggie's character to just being "Charlie's girlfriend", with no other attributes. I think Vaggie could've been written to be a more compelling person.

Here's what I think Vaggie's original character arc in Season 1 was, prior to rewrites due to a short episode count: Vaggie was one of Carmilla's daughters, and a moth sinner, as opposed to an angel. The angels went after Carmilla and her daughters, and Vaggie killed one of the exorcists to protect Carmilla and her sisters. However, Adam and Lute are now hunting for Vaggie, so Vaggie has to go into hiding.

The Hazbin Hotel provides the perfect opportunity for Vaggie to do so. Vaggie doesn't believe that sinners can be redeemed, though she does befriend and fall in love with Charlie, and helps her with her project.

Vaggie and Charlie bond over how much the exterminations suck, but Vaggie wants revenge on Heaven, and hates Heaven, for murdering so many sinners in cold blood, and is more militaristic - wanting to use Carmilla's angelic steel weapons to fight against Heaven - whereas Charlie is all "eat, pray, love" and "kumbaya", and wants to find a peaceful solution (redemption of sinners) with Heaven instead.

Things come to a head in Episode 6, when Vaggie has a fight with Charlie over where the Hotel is headed - as redemption isn't working - and how they should handle Adam, Lute, and the exterminations. Vaggie's hatred and self-loathing eventually lead her to Carmilla's doorstep, where Carmilla then sings "Out For Love" about how Vaggie should fight because she loves Charlie, and not hates Heaven.

There, I just wrote a better and more interesting character arc for Vaggie than just "hurr durr, let's just copy the most popular fan theory about Vaggie, something something, lazy and boring writing".

[mayashesfly]

Never Again

Vox hadn't returned.

He has yet to have gotten a word from that noisy picture box ever he since....

There was a tense atmosphere in the Entertainment District despite how everything seemed fine. The broadcasts was still there but Vox wasn't.

Where's Vox?

Didn't he tell him that he could've escaped?

Where's Vox?

The other residents avoided the Radio Demon as he paced around the place, no amount of twirling his cane around removed this incessant need to do something. Anything.

But do what?

Vox is missing.

He's gone he's gone he's gone he's goNE HE'S GONE HE'S GONE HE'S GONE—

Vox is missing.

He hadn't returned.

Surely, he was fine.

He was capable and smart as much as Alastor loathes to admit it.

Surely he wouldn't have fallen by the hands of those– those— little cretins.

The electricity in the air was wavering as his magic sputters out completely. Vox was taking in too much electricity than his body could handle. Frying his body to the limit as he fends off their attackers.

He hates how powerless he is.

Feeling the wavering ambient static in the air, the unspoken distress between the two of them as Alastor could only stare, gripping the pathetic replacement of his actual cane in his hands.

"I–" Vox's screen blacks out for a moment before returning to normal. "I think that should be the last of them"

His screen was dangerously dim when Alastor practically drags him away to a safer spot despite the tingling sensation under his skin from the contact.

"No more time for dilly dallying, picture box. We have to go"

His voice was clipped as interference screeched in the air. Vox's breath shuddering as he allows himself to be dragged away.

Both of their minds ran miles a minute as they try to puzzle out the best place to go in this dizzying bright place. Alastor's ability to meld into his shadows was one of the things he could still rely on despite his current limited capabilities, yet those stupid little weaklings were smart enough to ensure the entire place stayed completely illuminated.

The light wasn't even coming from electricity! No, they even went the extra mile to get light crystals from the other Rings instead.

If they were, Vox would've already shattered the damned things and Alastor would've fully reigned destruction on those little idiots thinking they can take down THE Radio Demon.

It still puzzled Alastor. How easily Vox could've escaped whenever he wanted. At least— at the start.

He was able to jump into the electronic locks preventing them from proceeding before he opened them up for Alastor so he could pass through. There were also countless of cameras, even if they weren't Voxtek, that Vox could've traveled through in insane distances.

Yet he stayed.

For him

Alastor swallowed the lump in his throat as the taste of iron floods his mouth.

Their pursuers had wisened up when they realized the Media Demon was helping out the Radio Demon. Self destructing the cameras they had used while completely cutting out the electricity in the area so Vox couldn't absorb even more.

It made it even more difficult for Vox to jump into those annoying electronic locks to open them up for them.

And now he....

The first time he left, he did it for himself.

The feelings and revelations that propped up because of Vox's confession had overwhelmed him.

And he couldn't bare processing them so he ran away.

The second, he left because he was injured. Vox had done a number on him even when he laid there broken and in pieces.

It had shocked him when that annoying little moth had joined in. Antenna being nicked by his tentacles as he tried to end this once and for all.

Before he felt the burn of the chain around his neck.

Again and again, it seemed like he left for himself or another reason whatsoever.

But never once has he left for Vox.

And this time he may never again.

[princess-of-the-corner]

I got to thinking about that "Hawk Moth does the Villain with Good Publicity" angle idea and I love it but it needs some tweaks to work I think.

1: He needs to know there is a Guardian and suspect they are in Paris, rather than rely on the "Chaos will reveal the Black Cat & Ladybug" angle, he's specifically trying to get at another human & coax them out.

2: He needs to collab with the media, mayor and more, so he's likely out in public as himself at first and does a lot more public perception handling than Ladybug or Chat ever did to help maintain his public profile.

Plan:

With that in mind he likely stages and or orchestrates several accidents and criminal situations. Some of which definitely target Chloe cos why break the habit of a life time. & he uses these to establish himself as the Heroic Hawk Moth!

Adrien being at school is so helpful for this.

Fu is suspicious cos he can sense rancid vibes but the guy hasn't done anything wrong yet or even seems to know about Akuma. He ends up tracking him down when transformed to talk & hinges turn ugly when HK reveals' he wants the LB & BC.

Hawk Moth uses a civilian, again maybe Chloe, to goad Fu into attacking him, they have a fight and Fu saves the civilian and gets away but is pursued by Nathalie, turns out Gabriel was just hiding his Akuma. Still, Fu gets away, but they know his general area.

HK claims to have been ambushed and severely wounded by a 'thief;. He claims himself to be the Guardian of the Miraculous & that while injured he can now create champions. The mayor is all "We must do all we can to help our beloved hero Hawk Moth!"

So, Paris is looking all over for a short older man who might have the Miraculous. Police are poking around all over, Hawk Moth's champions are on the move & Fu realizes he needs allies.

Story thoughts:

The thing here is that this totally changes the dynamic and type of story being told. The powers that would be useful to hand out, even how many people Fu would want active given he's specifically being hunted. Let alone how public perception and such would effect things and more to the point the heroes strategies and motives and methods!

Hell, Fu may well end up looking for entirely different personalities and people for this task. Or find himself pulling from whoever is left over from conspiracy theorists to the universally contrarian, to people who were caught up in Hawk Moth's staged crimes but came away suspicious.

So yeah, that'd be my set up anyway.

Honestly a fun part of this could be that as Chloé was targeted, she'd know the truth.

And Gabe doesn't think much of her as anything but a tool, so he'd never expect her campaigning against him to ever get off the ground. But it's enough for a small rebellion.

[willyoubemypartner]

Alyssa Cho - An Essay

Preface - Why is Alyssa so unsympathetic?

One of the things that’s odd about Alyssa’s character is that readers have rarely been so divisive over a single character, particularly about whether or not a character is sympathetic. There’s generally a consensus about the complicated nature of characters like Kousuke or even Rand, but Alyssa discourse feels very different.

During the formal arc, Quim has mentioned a few times that many scenes had to be cut due to Webtoon’s concerns about mature/dark content conflicting with adsense policies. Quim has recently mentioned weaving these scenes back in wherever possible, meaning that things were still happening in universe, we just couldn't see them. But now when these themes come up later to be more explored, they have to be introduced in a roundabout way for it to make sense. Instead of us getting what was intended and being able to build off that foundation as we follow the story and naturally understanding the pacing as it goes.

Now how does this tie into Alyssa? Alyssa in particular had important scenes cut from the formal - parallels we lost with Alyssa and Shin-Ae, the understanding and characterization of the Kims and other elites, the reality of her life in the idol world. It turned the formal into more of a ? than it needed to or should have been, and pulled the foundation of understanding Alyssa’s character right out from under us. We went essentially 200 chapters without really getting a look at her. She was introduced (like many ILY characters) in a certain way, but it took so much longer for her to get to show her depth and development beyond that mold. And it makes it so much harder for readers to see her objectively. People don't want to have to flip their entire understanding of and feelings towards Alyssa at chapter 230.

The foundation for Alyssa being more than just the attention seeker has always been there, we just didn't get to see it.

I don't always love Alyssa. But I feel for her. She's a real person as much as every other character. She’s not just "a girl who makes the wrong choices" nor is she just “the bad friend” or just “the trapped victim” - she is all of them . Alyssa may be misguided, but that’s just it - she's misguided because she never learned how to conflict. She tries to make the right choices, and fails. She’s trying her best and it never works out for her. And so she makes mistakes and she hurts people - including herself. And a lot of them are big mistakes, with very real consequences. She can see what’s really happening around her, but thinks that maybe it can work. And so she keeps making those wrong choices, because the core that she needs to change isn't something she feels safe to rectify. She’s miserable, but she can’t get out. She draws herself to the only light she can see, like a moth to a flame.

She’s introduced as this foe, even the mini Yui. And we're supposed to originally see her that way and know that that's now Nol has come to see her. But we are simultaneously supposed to break that down and see that she is also trapped. She idolized Yui and fell so far into the deep end without realizing it and now has to be Yui's puppet. The puppetmaster imagery is both Alyssa taking after Yui and falling for it, AND Yui taking advantage of her and Alyssa having no choice anymore but to play along and be taken advantage of. There’s that inherent dichotomy to how Alyssa acts and who she is and why she is.

Something about Alyssa is that her motives and feelings are almost always far more complex than they appear. Alyssa is so plagued by those parts of herself that she’s afraid of. Alyssa gets so much criticism for making her choices because for us it's so easy to see where she's going wrong. But, if she could really see it, she wouldn't be here. We know how this really ends and what would actually help, but all Alyssa has seen is that the way she handles things is the viable option. The whole point with Alyssa is that nobody helped her navigate these things . She's as much a victim as everyone else, even though she's hurt arguably our two most sympathetic characters.

Everyone thinks that she is an attention seeker. That she's successful and aloof and just drops people. Nobody is taking a second to see her childhood trauma, understand her real motivations, look at how trapped she is, how miserable. Nobody is extending a hand to her because they don't understand. And with nobody understanding her, nobody can give her an actual way forward, because everyone's attempts will be for a problem that isn't the real issue. Like many, if not all, of our characters, in order to understand Alyssa we have to acknowledge that the reason this is happening is because of unmet and unaddressed needs, lack of personal insight, being in survival mode - the person feeling like they had no other choice.

The people Alyssa hurt are our two main characters, and we are supposed to feel a way about that. But so much of the point is about how our emotional reaction to Alyssa isn't all there is. That she’s not any more or less evil just because the people she hurt are the ones we’re emotionally connected to. That she is a person who has her own story, her own motivations, her own mistakes, her own needs, her own fears, her own traumas. Not that it negates all the harm, but just that there is more to it. That we have to be able to examine and sit with our complex feelings towards her.

Unconditional Love & Chasing The Light 

At the core of Alyssa’s character is the desire to be seen and accepted for herself, at odds with the belief that who she is can’t possibly be okay.

We get some important insight into this throughout the Shinlyssa arc, but especially at Alyssa’s house and with the bullies. In Alyssa’s bedroom we see portraits of Hedy Lamaar, Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla, Albert Einstein, Melba Roy Mouton, Alan Turing, Vera Rubin, and Sally Ride. The portraits were identified and analyzed by Kimione back in 2022 (https://new.reddit.com/r/ILoveYoo/comments/ws18yg/alyssa_cho_symbolisms_notes_and_scribblings/) as well as this recent post (https://www.reddit.com/r/ILoveYoo/comments/15sh4k7/the_portraits_in_alyssas_room_in_episode_190/?sort=confidence).

Recurring themes in the portraits are all of them being involved in groundbreaking science, contributions to communication or space, being both scientific and artistic, experience of inequity and adversity, and nonnormative sexuality. For all of these people, resilience and passion in the face of a world which did not see them clearly, which did not initially support them, carried them through to their success. For many of them, a key figure (or several) in their lives provided that support that helped them reach the world. Hedy Lamarr said that her father “made me understand that I must make my own decisions, mold my own character, think my own thoughts.”

In Alyssa’s case, we can see based on her choice of portraits and conversation with Shin-Ae that she wants to be seen for who she is, leave her mark on the world through her passions, be genuine in an off-beat way. Like those on her wall, she has a natural skill for both arts and science, but intends to pursue her passion for science, perhaps using her skill in the arts to inform her manner of thinking. The difference, however, is that she does not appear to have that support network. She says that her parents follow her every whim and she’s never been able to develop a real sense of self. We see that her mother puts on a face, appears weak, passive, the trophy wife. When Alyssa was home sick from school, we see her struggle to cope with conflict and rejection, curling up in her room and refusing to talk to anyone but Shin-Ae - yet she “flips a switch” the second she hears her father walk through the door. Something that she does often, as her mother even expected it. Alyssa establishes in that moment that it is not her emotions flipping a switch, but rather the fear of what happens when her father comes home and she is not who he wants her to be. She likely fears her strict father, and resents her passive mother. Either way, Alyssa clearly doesn’t feel supported in herself - she must be the perfect poster daughter, has no role models to look up to, has no understanding of how to make her own decisions, mold her own character, think her own thoughts.

Alyssa frequently exhibits self-doubt and feelings that nobody is listening, that nobody cares. That she must mold herself to whatever others want. That she has to keep parts of herself hidden. That what she wants to be is not something that she can pull herself up in the world through. That she has to bide her time and assuage people to earn her freedom. That she is trapped and isolated.

Although not directly confirmed, we get many hints throughout the Shinlyssa arc that Alyssa is a lesbian, that she had feelings for Shin-Ae. Alyssa being gay in a homophobic world, desperately trying to fit the social mold and find unconditional love, creates such a tragic outcome. While there are obviously so many more types of love than romantic, to have something Alyssa feels such shame for, something that she can not escape or pretend away, something she did not choose, something so wrongly yet so often considered a disease, an abomination, wrong, unnatural, nonconformist tied so directly to the experience of love creates such an all-consuming conflict in Alyssa. Even if she were bisexual, she could suppress enough of herself to fit the mold and find that love (as much as it would still hurt). With her being a lesbian, it enters the fact that she will never be able to find that kind of love while she’s hiding herself. That in her quest to fit the social mold to find love and validation she’s completely closing off that gate. There is something so incredibly tragic about that self-fulfilling prophecy, and it fuels so much of Alyssa’s conflict.

Something important is how much the Shinlyssa event affects not only Shin-Ae, but Alyssa. And, when talking about the Shinlyssa event, something so important to keep in mind is how young they were. They were children, only 12 or 13 years old, in a new environment - especially for Alyssa, who had never been outside the social environment of her home.

Shin-Ae is a character whose light shines bright, which everyone is caught in. That same light that she’s sharing with Nol. A light that even Alyssa was in back in middle school, but that she couldn’t stand in, because Alyssa couldn't accept all of herself. If she stayed in Shin-Ae's light, it would have illuminated the truths she's afraid of. Alyssa is so afraid of the light shining on parts of herself she doesn't want seen that she lets the light go out all together.

It's better in the dark.

So she snuffed out her own light.

She just wants to be accepted and thinks that nobody will accept her because of those parts of herself that she can’t accept. That she’s been taught are wrong. So she can not find acceptance and belonging, she can not stand in the light. And she settles for the closest thing she can find, that artificial light that lets her keep those parts of herself hidden. But that light will never come close when she has to hide so much of herself.

There’s likely only one time in Alyssa’s life that she felt that sense of unconditional love - in her relationship with Shin-Ae. How Alyssa felt the emotional support she desperately needed, that love she craved, that acceptance for her authentic self. How she felt seen with Shin-Ae. How she pushed her away because those are feelings she's not allowed to have. Not for an outcast. Not for someone so brazen. Not for a girl. Not for someone who sees Alyssa as she genuinely is. And now that feeling of actual love and acceptance may be something she never finds again. Only conditional. Only for her image. Her persona. Only when she does what she's told. But none of it true.

Alyssa doesn’t chase fame or adoration, she’s chasing acceptance while being unable to look at herself. She is in this career, in Yui’s grasp, as a direct result of the Shinlyssa event.

Nobody ever showed her safe unconditional love. So naturally she thinks that the only way she can be loved is by chasing adoration. And, as she got older, nothing has proven that wrong for her. The Shinlyssa accident factors so strongly into why Alyssa doesn't see another way. She did have Shin-Ae, but things still went so wrong. It was ingrained into Alyssa that she can not rock the boat, can not be in conflict, has to play nice with those around her. Shin-Ae was unconventional, unpopular, and unafraid to stand up for herself. That created tension between them, and a lot of problems between them and the other kids. Alyssa, in her world, kept trying to keep Shin-Ae and not cause problems at school, but it kept blowing up in her face. And, in the end Shin-Ae falls out a window. This is a horrible way to experience your first taste of interpersonal conflict and likely just solidified for her that you absolutely can not rock the boat, you have to placate people and fit the social mold. It's also likely that her parents were involved in the aftermath of what happened in middle school, considering how much it all got swept under the rug. With her feared, strict father and her good family image mother, I can only imagine what sort of treatment she was welcomed to at home after the Shinlyssa incident. Personally, I also believe that her parents wouldn't have let her anywhere near Shin-Ae afterwards.

Hidden behind the large home and private lessons is how neglected Alyssa was. Treated as a trophy to compensate for the eldest daughter being a disappointment to their overbearing father. Living in a home as the trophy daughter with the trophy wife. Alyssa’s statements of wanting to be part of a power couple come from that resentment, the deep desire to not be that kind of submissive, docile woman.

And then in comes Yui - this godlike woman. Mother. Businesswoman. Charitable. Charismatic. Powerful. Married to an honorable man. Promising everything Alyssa needs - love, validation, adoration, success, belonging. Offering Alyssa a chance to shine, compliments, (fake) love, the potential to become powerful and adored like her. And she idolized Yui, so she took the chance.

It was everything Alyssa needed, on a silver platter … until it wasn’t.

Yui knew exactly how to play her. Manipulated a 14 year old girl just like she does everyone. And by the time Alyssa could see any which way, it's already too late. We can see that she's exhausted. Miserable. Isolated. Always 'on.' Always playing her role. Always on high alert, in survival mode. With Yui over her shoulder, groupmates that hate her, having to be dolled up for everyone she meets, no true allies anymore, being watched and exploited at home, at work, at practice, in the dorms, in public, at events - there is truly not a single place Alyssa feels safe, let alone accepted or loved. And yet she can not leave. She can't stop. They won't let her go now. If she were to stop, she'd have to fail . She has never been allowed to fail. Her life now is miserable, but she sees the price of failure as being even worse.

I think that we're going to see Alyssa continue down a dark path. She's never lived in a reality where it feels okay to be herself. She's pushing so much down and trying so hard to become what other people want her to be so that she may finally fit in. Be loved. Feel like she belongs.

Every one time someone says she's doing great it's like a hit for her, but it's so fleeting. So she has to keep chasing it, because she doesn't know where else to get it. But the more she chases it, the farther and farther down a dark path she goes, running after a torch instead of the sun. And the farther she gets, the harder it is to find an exit. So she has to keep chasing the only light she can see and just hope that it gets her somewhere.

Survival & Safety 

In the case of Alyssa, so many people underestimate the effect that an emotionally volatile upbringing can have on you and how you interact with the world. So many people are choosing to ignore that Alyssa is emotionally neglected and likely abused at home. Shin-Ae feels more like the victim to us because we're seeing the story through her eyes and we know that without money you can't physically live, but the thing Alyssa has lacked all her life, the thing that she needs is to feel like she's accepted and loved. That she, herself, is enough.

At the core of all of her actions, beliefs, choices, is one simple fact - Alyssa feels unsafe.

And even Alyssa’s song - she knows full well that she’s trapped now. The imagery points right to Yui. As Alyssa said, she’s not dumb. The entire time that we’ve known Alyssa, she’s known where she stands with Yui. When she talks about Yui at the formal her eyes are closed. The entire time she’s talking about Yui being charitable, nice for giving Shin-Ae a job, not being where she is today without Yui, wanting a mother like her, wanting to be like her. Her eyes only open again when she says she’d love to be part of a power couple. These are all things that Alyssa likely believed about Yui when she first met her, but has since seen the writing on the wall. The savior she ran to in order to escape her unsafe family life turned out to be even worse. And this is even what leads her to Gun Kim in the recent chapters - in the same way she desperately needed to escape her family, now she desperately needs to escape Yui. But since Alyssa doesn't believe in herself, can't let herself shine enough to brave the world and gain control on her own, she needs someone by her side. Needs to be part of a "power couple." This time it's Gun who comes in, the sparkling savior. Except Alyssa does know better this time, we can see that she's uncomfortable around him, that she knows the sparkles fade. But it’s too late now, and Alyssa just hopes to play the game long enough to gain some of her power back.

"Everything will go to waste I’m trying to find my way back But all these red hues keep me locked in place I can stay captive a bit longer So long as I end up on top"

Alyssa has been playing the game because it's the same game she had to play at home. Keep your head down. Do what they say. That way they won't hurt you as badly.

And when we remember that Alyssa's socioeconomic status is closer to Kousuke's than to Shinae's we can understand even more the implications, because it's not just about Alyssa’s weaknesses. It's about how it reflects on her family. Alyssa and Meg act as parallels to Kousuke and Nol, the golden child and the black sheep. Constantly told to not embarrass the family, don't make them look bad, live up to your potential. Nol and Meg are seen as wildcards, burdens, disappointments, people who do not fit the social mold and make everyone's lives more difficult. So Kousuke and Alyssa feel such intense pressure to fit the mold exactly. To never be out of line. To be someone that lives up to their family name. That brings respect. That doesn't cause trouble.

We see this same concept play out in the juxtaposition between the reaction to the girls’ catching Yui’s eye.

When we think about the parallels of Yui swooping in and "stealing away" both Shin-Ae and Alyssa the biggest difference is that Nol could see Shin-Ae, see how miserable she was even if she didn’t explain it to him. And, even then, the only reason even Shin-Ae ever opened up and leaned on people was because she had to. Because Nol had already seen it. He was able to nudge it out of her after seeing her eviction notice and pile of bills. After seeing her so blatantly miserable at the formal. And once someone had seen her weaknesses and supported her, she gradually was able to build back that trust that she spent so long unable to draw upon. But she didn’t start that by choice, she just chose to continue.

While for Alyssa he can’t see it - so much of her misery has been out of his view, she doesn’t open up and lean on people and is so good at putting on her brave face. The more people know your weaknesses, the more they have to use against you, and Alyssa sees so many weaknesses in herself that she can’t trust anyone. Alyssa has been trained all her life to hide anything negative. Never step out of line. Nol was able to see it in Shin-Ae because she’s easier to read, but nobody can see it in Alyssa because she’s been taught how to hide it. Shin-Ae’s biggest strategy for hiding her state was to avoid people - Alyssa is able to hide in plain sight.

Alyssa is always a strong contrast with Shin-Ae, and we can see it throughout the formal. Something so important to this parallel are cut scenes of Alyssa that foreshadow the recent developments we’ve seen of her with the Hiraharas and the Kims.

Such a theme of the night is how lucky Shin-Ae was that Kousuke and Nol didn't have ill intentions around her and were looking out for her. Everyone was looking out for Shin-Ae that night, but no one was looking out for Alyssa. Even her own parents, the people who above all else are supposed to keep you safe, sold her out to the entertainment industry and never looked back. And, to be fair, we come back to her self-fulfilling prophecy - Alyssa is afraid to be herself because she thinks her true self isn’t worthy of love, so she pushes people away, and then has no one. But, at the same time, Shin-Ae has also been pushing everyone away. Nol has to stalk her to gain her friendship, she coldly and pointedly rejects Dieter, she keeps Maya and Rika at arm’s length, she doesn’t tell anyone (even Min-Hyuk) about her problems with her home and her dad. But the difference between Alyssa and Shin-Ae is, in many ways, how well they hid it. With Shin-Ae it was obvious that she was keeping people at arm’s length because she had been hurt. With Alyssa, she’s keeping people away because she’s afraid, but she’s been taught very well how to keep up appearances, so it looks as though she just doesn’t care, that she’s more concerned with herself and her image and her career. So people leave her alone, while they chase after Shin-Ae. While everyone was off chasing Shin-Ae, Alyssa was alone with the elites - no one looking for her, no one caring where she was.

Alyssa is, at her core, so very alone.

Unreliable Narrators & Nolyssa 

One of the most pointed failings of Nolyssa, especially in comparison to Stalkyoo, is how much Nol and Alyssa really don’t know each other at all, despite being more privy to the details of each other’s lives than almost anyone else. Both of them are in survival mode, putting on masks day after day, not letting each other in, seeing each other as something they are so very not with goals and desires that only scratch the surface. On the one hand, neither of them have really put up a fight, but also the circumstances were against them. They weren't in a position to help each other. They were both kids with needs that weren't met trying their best to survive. Children forced into playing an adult’s game.

Nol and Shin-Ae are both unreliable narrators. Shin-Ae actually acknowledges this, specifically in relation to Alyssa, saying that she only ever has her side of the story. In Nol’s case, he sees Yui for what she is, and wants others to see it, too. But he also believes that everything is his fault, that it all stems from his existence, that Yui may be a villain but it’s because of him, not that Yui does what suits her best. And that makes it so hard for him to even begin to guess that Alyssa sees Yui for something else, that Alyssa fell for Yui’s manipulation for reasons that he couldn’t see and that she realized after what had really happened. That she could praise Yui, focus on her career, devote her time to this game, and be lying about it all. He sees that validation seeker and he didn't see beyond it because she didn't let him see anything more than that. He’s good at being able to tell when people are putting up a facade, but not so much why .

Alyssa is so much more complex than just someone seeking validation, and she is meant to make us sit with complex feelings. Meant to make us figure her out, to see beyond our unreliable narrators. To accept that she is more complex despite how negative her interactions with our two most overtly sympathetic characters are. We are supposed to be clued in to her more than they are, to see those things that none of our narrators can see.

Nol states that she knows how his family makes him feel, but does he know his family makes her feel? How this whole game makes her feel? That she wants off this ride but it's too late and she can't do anything?

Ironically, Nol is being used as Alyssa’s protector, but not in any intentional way. Nol said that he tried to steer Alyssa clear of Yui, but honestly it doesn't seem like he really tried. When Shin-Ae gets the invitation to Kousuke's apartment Nol just says that Yui is a nice lady. I think that Nol tries to save people from Yui by encouraging them to appease her and then wean away from her, thinking that as long as they do what she wants Yui won't hurt them. But obviously that's not how Yui works. And, Alyssa fell right into the trap, just like Shin-Ae.

But, where Nol is protecting her is by being the “boyfriend,” protecting her from the predators around her. Even if it's not much, having Nol as a boyfriend keeps those close to the Hiraharas who may try to take advantage of her just a bit more at bay. They can't step on the Hiraharas’ toes. I especially think that now that we've seen more of Alyssa's world, how she got where she is, and what likely lays ahead for her. And, it honestly works well for Alyssa - Nol is respectful, not interested in her, doesn’t push her, she doesn’t have to do anything to appease him, doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do. Doesn’t even have to pay attention to him (although she should, if even as just a friend). And I think that Alyssa does know this, and that’s part of why she fought so hard when he did for once express his own needs and desires and tried to break it off. I think that, once Nol is gone, it's basically open season on her, and it's going to be so incredibly hard to watch - that fake relationship is probably the final barrier keeping her in some semblance of safe.

But, the thing is, Alyssa's fate isn't Nol's responsibility. Alyssa does not deserve to be preyed upon, but Nol also doesn't deserve to be trapped and suffocated. We can see how much being in this relationship hurts Nol, suffocates him, how it's keeping him on a one-way path to misery. How, as much as she does not deserve what likely lays ahead for her without Nol, he does not deserve what lays ahead for him with Alyssa.

As much as I defend Alyssa, urging people to understand her complexities as a character, how her choices are born out of her own survival mode, how she is falling back on the methods that she learned from her home life were the only way to survive, how she has never felt safe and that leads directly to the choices she makes and how she feels that she does not have a choice at all - Nol is not the one responsible for her path, her choices. Some combination of Alyssa, the adults who failed her, and the adults who groomed her are responsible.

I mentioned earlier how Alyssa ended up here as a fallout of the Shinlyssa event, and that implicates Nol’s position too - both in relation to Alyssa and to Shin-Ae. If Shinlyssa had survived, Stalkyoo would never have been. All of this growth between Nol and Shin-Ae, chasing that future - it never would have happened. It’s even possible Nol wouldn’t be around anymore. Everything is a chain reaction. Sometimes there is no choice where everyone turns out okay. No matter which way it happened, one of them was going to be in a bad place. Which is the same way things are going with the potential ending of Nolyssa. Either Nol suffers or Alyssa is in danger - there's no scenario where they are both okay.

Shin-Ae is likely going to be a foil to Alyssa, and she may watch and have to understand. To see why Shin-Ae is so capable of being what she isn't. That at the end of the day Shin-Ae was always enough. That Alyssa was always enough. How different things would have been if she could’ve accepted herself and stood in that light. That if she could, people will come along who love her for who she is. That there was so much she couldn't see at that time and now it's too late.

Conclusion 

Despite how easy it is to dislike Alyssa, to to write her off as the validation seeker, the bad friend, the self-serving naïve idol - there is so much more to Alyssa to see. The girl seeking to fill that unmet essential need for unconditional love. The girl who has never felt safe. The girl who was never taught how to handle conflict. The girl who is so afraid of herself that she pushes everyone away. Who hides herself so much that no one knows who she really is. Who’s reputation for herself and her family rides on her back. Who is miserable but sees no way out. Who is trapped by choices she made as a child. Who still makes all the wrong choices because she doesn’t see any other way. Who is just as much a victim, desperately trying to survive, as everyone else.

Now she is trapped in this prison, abused and trafficked No way out in sight No one on her side Only empty love and adoration Chasing artificial light, snuffing her own out from fear of those inner truths, never feeling safe, having to keep going to have any hope of getting out but keeping going being so so bad and likely never going to get her there

Above all else I hope that Alyssa can learn to accept herself. That, even if she realizes it far too late, she can see that was all she ever really needed. Because she can’t have that love that she wants while she’s so afraid, so much in hiding, so fearful of the truths within herself that could be revealed if she stands in the light. The thing about Alyssa is that she pushes genuine people away because of this fear. And therein is her self-fulfilling prophecy, but she makes these choices because she doesn’t know what else to do and ends up further and further trapped. I feel an intense sadness for Alyssa as she, like all of our characters, is in survival mode herself and just trying desperately to fill an unmet need.

And, again, it's not about liking or disliking Alyssa. Absolving or convicting her. It's not that simple. As complex as she is as a person, so is her role in the story, her perception within us. But it's about understanding her - who she is, why she makes her choices, how she got here.

I will reiterate again a point from earlier - the people Alyssa hurt are our two main characters. We are supposed to feel a way about that. But so much of the point is about how our emotional reaction to Alyssa isn't all there is. That she’s not any more or less evil just because the people she hurt are the ones we’re emotionally connected to. That she is a person who has her own story, her own motivations, her own mistakes, her own needs, her own fears, her own traumas. Not that it negates the harm, the wrong choices, but just that there is more to it. That we have to be able to examine and sit with our complex feelings towards her.

In the words of Hedy - “I’m a very simple, complicated person.”

And that concludes my full length essay about Alyssa and why I have feelings

[strangeswift]

ficlet for my dear @mayahawkins “cali crew stop at a motel and there was only one bed (has this been done a million times? yes, but go wild with it, make it ridiculous)”

The motel lobby was small and dingy, with moth bitten floral curtains draped over the windows and glass vases with bouquets of plastic flowers covered in a thick layer of dust. In fact, Will was a little concerned about breathing in all the dust, but he figured he survived seven days breathing toxic Upside Down air, so he could probably handle a little dust.

Jonathan rang the bell at the check in desk, the metal tarnished from years of use. A short woman with dark gray hair and leathery skin appeared from a back room and looked the four of them up and down.

Will figured they had to be quite a sight. Argyle was still high as hell, the whites of his eyes almost completely red and a dopey grin on his face. Jonathan wasn’t much better, though Will knew some of that was from exhaustion more than it was from weed, since Jonathan hadn’t smoked as much or as recently as Argyle. Mike’s hair was sticking up on one side where he’d dozed off leaning against the window of the van, and he looked incredibly pissed off. He wasn’t particularly happy about Jonathan making the decision to stop for the night. Will was sure he looked a mess as well, and he was even more sure that the four of them smelled absolutely rank. 

The woman put her hands on her hips. “Can I help you boys?” she asked in a gravelly voice.

“Yes,” Jonathan said confidently, “We need a room. Two rooms, if you have them.”

“We only got one,” the woman rasped.

“That’s fine,” Jonathan said, glancing at Will with what may have been a look of sympathy, “We can double up."

“No, sugar, we’ve only got one single. It’s a king,” she said.

“You’ve only got one bed in this whole place?” Mike interjected, less patient than Jonathan had been, but to be fair Mike had less weed in his system. None, to be exact.

The woman narrowed her eyes at Mike. “That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

“Okay,” Jonathan said before Mike could get into an argument with an elderly motel clerk, “We’ll take it if it’s all you have.”

Jonathan paid for the room and took the key, which was attached to a red plastic keychain with the number one in chipped white paint. Room one was at the end of the hallway, which Mike commented made no sense, and while Will agreed he didn’t see why Mike was so peeved about it.

The room was extraordinarily small. The king sized bed stretched almost from wall to wall on either side, you almost had to turn sideways to walk along the sides of the bed. There was a stretch of floor along the foot of the bed, some of which was covered by a small writing desk. The carpet was… well, it was disgusting. There were so many stains it looked like a Jackson Pollock original if Jackson Pollock worked solely with browns and yellows. It was impossible to tell what color the carpet had originally been, but Will hoped tan, because that’s what it was now.

“I don’t know if I want to sleep on that floor even with a blanket over it,” Will said, “I don’t want anything to like… seep through.”

Mike grimaced. “That’s fucking disgusting. You think the bathroom’s this gross? I’d rather sleep in a bathtub.”

Will followed as Mike swung the bathroom door open and flicked the light on. The light made a rattling sound as it flickered to life, and even when it did it was incredibly dim. 

"This room is like something out of a goddamn horror movie," Mike said.

Will watched a spider run from the wall into a small vent on the floor and shuddered. Mike drew back the shower curtain in a swift motion.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Will said as Mike groaned. The ceramic tub was streaked with rust stains and a layer of green grime sat on the bottom.

“So much for sleeping in there,” Mike grumbled.

"Not like you'd fit anyway," Will added.

They exited the bathroom to find Argyle already passed out on one side of the bed and Jonathan sitting at the small desk with his head in his hands.

“Seriously, he just decided he gets the bed?” Mike asked, nudging Argyle’s leg not particularly gently, though Argyle didn’t stir.

“Well, I think we’re gonna have to share,” Jonathan said reluctantly.

“All of us?” Will asked, affronted.

“Well, yeah,” Jonathan said with a shrug, “It’s a big bed.”

“Not big enough for four!” Mike said.

“Okay, well you do whatever you want, Mike. I’m fucking tired,” Jonathan said, climbing into the bed on top of the duvet and settling in close to Argyle, leaving room on the other side of him.

Mike scoffed. “This is insane.”

Will frowned. “Yeah. It is,” he paused, “But I need sleep.”

Will ignored Mike’s disbelief as he got in bed next to his brother, leaving a very small space that Mike could squeeze into if he wanted.

Mike shook his head. “This is crazy,” he said, sitting in the small wooden desk chair, “I’ll just fucking sleep here.”

“Suit yourself,” Jonathan mumbled, “Can you hit the lights?”

Mike huffed and got up to flick the lights off. Once he did, the room was illuminated only by the moonlight coming through the window. Mike didn’t wait for his eyes to adjust and stumbled a little walking back to the chair.

“Shit,” he hissed, and slumped back into the chair, leaning his upper body on the desk and trying to get comfortable.

After fifteen minutes or so of silence, save for the cheap AC periodically kicking on with a rattling sound, Will was actually starting to drift off. That was until he felt someone standing above him and jolted awake.

“Mike?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Mike said at full volume, “Uh, can you scoot over?”

Will was on his back, and he wiggled slightly closer to his brother, who was on his side with his back turned to him. “Sorry, that’s as far as I can go.”

Mike nodded and crawled into the bed, also lying on his back, his shoulder pressed snugly against Will’s. It was a little pathetic, how Will’s pulse picked up at that.

“Is your brother spooning Argyle?” Mike asked after a moment.

“This is what it looks like to be secure in your manhood, little dude,” Argyle answered serenely.

“I thought you were asleep,” Mike said.

“Well it’s a little hard to stay asleep when you won’t stop talking,” Jonathan piped up.

“It’s a little hard to sleep in a dingy motel bed with three other guys!” Mike retorted.

“Shhh,” Argyle said, “Just snuggle up to baby Byers and let the Sandman sprinkle his magical sleepy sand, my guy.”

Will was grateful that it was too dark for anyone to see the way his face went bright red at that.

“What?” Mike squeaked, “I’m not gonna cuddle up to Will, that’s–”

“Mike,” Jonathan interjected harshly, “Please shut up. Some of us are trying to sleep.”

Mike huffed. Will guessed that Jonathan’s clipped tone wasn’t just because he was annoyed about being kept awake, and he didn’t know whether to feel thankful or pathetic.

Suddenly, something occurred to Will.

“Hey, Jonathan?” Will asked.

“Yeah, buddy?” Jonathan answered.

“Why don’t two of us just sleep in the van?”

There was a moment of silence before Jonathan burst out laughing. “That’s a good fucking question.”

Mike sat up immediately, “Will and I will go,” he said quickly.

Will felt his face heat up again, which was so fucking stupid, because obviously Mike would want to sleep with him over Jonathan or Argyle.

“Sure, fine,” Jonathan said, “Keys are on the desk.”

They made Argyle and Jonathan relinquish the duvet from the bed and Will followed Mike out to the parking lot. They spread the blanket out on the floor of the van, and Mike climbed in first with Will following.

Will slid the door shut, and Mike was already getting settled.

“Tired as shit,” Mike muttered, turning his back to Will.

“Yeah,” Will agreed quietly. He didn’t lie down immediately. 

“You okay?” Mike asked, though he wasn’t facing him.

“Fine,” Will said, and laid down to prevent any further questions. There was more room to spread out in the van than there had been in the crowded bed, so he and Mike weren’t touching like they had been before. Will mourned the loss of Mike’s arm pressed solidly against his.

“You sure?” Mike asked through a yawn.

“I’m sure,” Will responded.

Unexpectedly, Mike flipped over to face Will. Will’s breath hitched.

“Sorry if I was weird,” Mike murmured. 

“What?” Will asked.

“When Argyle was talking about us… cuddling or whatever. Sorry if I seemed weird, or like… defensive.”

“I didn’t think you were defensive,” Will said, “I thought you were grossed out.”

Mike huffed a laugh. “I wasn’t grossed out. Not by you.”

“Oh,” Will said.

“Can I–” Mike started to ask but cut himself off.

“Yeah,” Will answered without thinking. His cheeks tinged pink once he realized how eagerly he’d agreed to something Mike hadn’t even asked.

“You’re sure?” Mike asked.

Will nodded, still not knowing exactly what to expect.

Mike inched closer, until they were pressed together like they’d been on the bed. Will held his breath. What was Mike doing? And why?

“I think,” Mike said, "I might sleep better this way.”

“Okay,” Will responded quietly, not trusting his voice at anything above a whisper.

It didn’t take long for Mike’s presence and his warmth to lull Will to sleep, not to mention how ridiculously exhausted they both were. Now wasn't the time to question things or to have a crisis about the feeling of Mike's skin on his.

Next thing Will knew, the van door was being slid open and sunlight was pouring into the van. He cracked his eyes open and squinted up at Jonathan and Argyle, standing above him outside the door. The next thing he registered was arms wrapped firmly around him, soft breaths on his neck, and hair tickling his jaw. Before he could even start to process that, Mike jolted awake and rolled off of Will with wide eyes, staring at Jonathan and Argyle.

Jonathan’s expression was unreadable, but Argyle shot Mike a thumbs up.

Mike’s face was bright red as he met Will’s eyes. Will gave him a reassuring smile, hoping that wasn’t too incriminating. Maybe he was supposed to act repulsed, or laugh it off and punch Mike’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure, but he did know that he didn’t want Mike to feel embarrassed.

To Will’s surprise, Mike smiled back. “How did you sleep?” he asked Will.

“Really well, actually,” Will answered honestly.

“Yeah, me too,” Mike said, the soft smile not leaving his face.

“Cool,” Will said.

“Cool, Mike repeated.

Will wasn’t really sure what to make of it. He tried not to overthink. He and Mike were okay, and that was all that mattered.

[hrodvitnon]

Titan 'Weakspots' HCs (If you've read Shamhat, you know about Rodan's overly sensitive chest. I randomly started to wonder about other Titans' non-explicitly sexual sweetspots could exist (by this I mean other than like Godzilla's knot). This is just my crack at it, but if you have other ideas I'd like to hear those too.)

Godzilla (and other Gojirans) - His Gills. We see Titans go for these during fights with him all the time, and the more fight-oriented part of the fandom seems to agree the gills on the side of his neck are where his scales are the thinnest. I'm willing to be the membrane there would also need to be extremely sensitive to airflow and whatnot. It may even work like the scruff of a cat where they go limp if both have pressure applied to them. I'd say Goji gets this spreading tingling in his belly and lower stomach when they're played with and spikes of pleasure when someone would, say, attempt to mark him there. However, because it's such a tactical liability to have other Titans know about it- he prefers to keep it to himself. Only Mothra and Ghidorah know about it; Mothra because he told her and it's something she likes to use against him whenever she decides to play a little rough with him, and Ghidorah because of a rare instance of him having Goji on his belly and drilling him from behind- only to go for a mating bite on the gills and Goji erupting as soon as he does. I can probably see Goji telling Vivienne about this, though, I'd say he trusts her enough with that information.

Mothra - Wing Membranes. A lot of people forget how sensitive of a body part the actual wings of animals are. They need to account for wind levels, detect subtle air changes, and be thin enough to let creatures actually fly. Mothra's are no different. She often times asks Goji to feel out her wings after fights and positively melts into his lap while he dexterously plays with them. He does, however, need to be extremely gentle with them as not to rip them. This is a much harder weakness to exploit in her human form, but maybe she could manifest her moth wings for the purpose of getting a double shakedown from Viv and Goji.

Ghidorah - Horns and Tail(s). Ghidorah shoots lightning, we all know this. However, he can also detect lightning using specialized receivers in his horns and tails. However, this also makes both extremely sensitive to the touch. Godzilla's the only one that knows about this, first from an instance of Ichi blowing him off and him going for the convenient 'BJ Handles' on his head only for Ichi to go slack and start drooling, Ni to grit his teeth, and San to let out a whorish moan and letting his eyes roll back. He found the tail one out by giving one a rough tug while having the hydra pinned against a mountain; to this day he will never forget how Ichi's voice cracked against his cries of pleasure. I also hc that Goji and Ghidorah know each other's weak points but are in an unspoken vow of mutually assured destruction (each would tell everyone about the other's weakness if their own got out), so that's why they keep each other's secrets.

I like the idea that Goji only trusts certain people with how sensitive his gills are, and in private Vivi and Mothra will very tenderly kiss his neck. As for other Titan weak spots!

Tiamat - Frills So Tiamat has these frills in certain concept art, right? I like to think she has them in ItFoS and usually they're just for display purposes like intimidation or attracting a mate. They flare out and flutter in various patterns depending on the intention, and if one manages to get a hold of her they can try nibbling at the base of those frills, making Tiamat to go limp like a string of spaghetti. It's one of her surefire weak spots, but because she's such a difficult opponent it's rare for anything to touch her there; only Goji and Ghidorah know about it, and they're the only ones she'll allow to touch her there.

Methuselah - Shell, Horns It goes without saying that Methuselah isn't exactly able to reach back and scratch his back. Like tortoises/turtles he has nerve endings on his shell and sometimes he needs to back up just to get at an itch. His horns to a lesser extent could be a sweet spot because he can spend time rubbing them to keep them clean (they double as both weapons and a form of sexual dimorphism; the bigger and cleaner the horns, the more likely he is to find a mate). If you've ever seen a turtle smacking another turtle in the face, same thing with Methuselah... though biting the horns might be more likely than funny slaps.

Behemoth - Belly If one wants to make our favorite fuzzy tusky boi feel good, it turns out he's really ticklish. His belly is the softest part of his body but it's also an extremely vulnerable spot, so one needs to have his trust before they can touch him there. Once one is permitted to give him a good rubbing and scritching, Behemoth will start making a low noise that denotes happiness, and if it feels good enough he'll lay on his side or back... but be careful, because it's possible for him to get overstimulated from all the petting.

[mymiraclebox]

that passtel drabble is so cute! i was wondering if chadd counted as a kwami that can be written about (just for fun)

If you don't mind a little chaos, then of course Chadd can return for a little drabble... xD

[Chadd's bio is here, a kwami I made for April's Fools Day.]

---

"...Who's phone is this?" Marinette asked, picking up the strange phone laying on her desk with a frown. It wasn't hers or her parents, and no one had been in her room but her for a while, so she couldn't imagine who had left it here.

Tikki was at her side in a moment, starting at the silver phone with wide eyes. "No way... it's him."

"Who?" Marinette asked in confusion, but Tikki didn't get the chance to reply, as suddenly Marinette's wall broke with a shatter, Hawk Moth standing there.

"Hand over the Human Miraculous!" Hawk Moth cried.

"Quick, summon the kwami within, only he can defeat Hawk Moth!" Tikki told Marinette, who looked down at the strange phone again... which was glowing. With a burst of white light out came a being which she assumed was a kwami, but...

"That's a stick figure," Marinette said, looking and the black and white figure, the kwami indeed looking like it had been drawn by Manon.

Tikki let out a gasp. "Marinette, how could you say that! That's Chadd, the Human kwami, the most powerful being in existence!"

"GREETINGS, MARINETTE, HOLDER OF THE LADYBUG!" Chadd declared, the stick figure hovering proudly in the air. "I HAVE DECIDED TO GRACE YOU WITH MY PRESENCE TO DEFEAT HAWK MOTH WHO IS A MOCKERY TO MANKIND!"

"Give me the kwami of Humanity!" Hawk Moth snarled, charging forward with his cane raised, but he could not get close, as the aura of Chadd the kwami was simply too much for him to handle.

"Transform with the Great and Wonderful Chadd, Marinette, quickly!" Tikki cried.

Marinette held the Miraculous phone overhead, shouting: "Chadd, man up!" Instantly Chadd turned into a blinding white light, which engulfed the phone and then her in its transformation. As the light faded Marinette looked down to see her new hero form. "Why am I a 2D stick figure?!"

"No, she has entered the ultimate form!" Hawk Moth cried, trying to attack her again. Stick figure Marinette looked about and found a Nokia hooked to her side. She raised it up as Hawk Moth attacked, his cane instantly being shattered in half.

"Use your powers!" Tikki cheered.

"Giga Chad!" Marinette cried, her stick figure form now featuring ultra buff muscles on the arms. Marinette was amazed that she was now the very best like no one ever was, Hawk Moth cowering in her shadow. However she had one more power left: "Now I will use Inner Karen!"

The Miraculous phone began to ring, and she looked down to see that Nathalie Sancoeur was calling. She pressed answer, holding it up to her ear.

"Hello this is Hawk Moth's manager speaking, how may I help you?" Nathalie said on the other end.

"Hi can you please get Hawk Moth to stop akumatizing everyone?"

"Of course," Nathalie replied, the phone going onto speaker. "Gabriel Garbage Agreste, how many times do I have to tell you to stop terrorizing the city! We do not have room in your schedule for this, now come home and parent your son before me and the Gorilla adopt him ourselves!"

"Noooooooooooo!" Hawk Moth cried, before ripping off the Butterfly Miraculous, handing it and the Peacock over to stick figure Marinette, officially defeating Hawk Moth's reign and returning all the kwamis safely home. Then Gabriel ran off into the night to be a good father to Adrien. He also now approved of Marinette and Adrien dating because who better for Adrien to date than the one wielding the Miraculous of the Human?

"We're free!" Nooroo and Duusu cried, cheering loudly.

"Chadd, man down," Stick figure Marinette said, detransforming. She felt weak as she turned back into a normal human, the powers of Chadd no longer running through her.

"YOU DID WELL, MARINETTE!" Chadd declared proudly, and all the kwamis bowed down to him. "BUT NOW I MUST DEPART!"

With a flash of light Chadd and his Miraculous were gone, leaving all to stare in awe at where he had been. Marinette turned to Tikki, a tear in her eye.

"Chadd was amazing, is there any kwami like him?" She asked.

Tikki bowed her head. "No one is like Chadd."

[tilosecretbirb]

eir//blackhairedarcher +dream sequence

gif credit

Eir's fingers trace the burn scars along her arm. Spider venom. The evidence it happened and it wasn't simply the nightmare that had shaken her from fitful sleep.

The moon hung low sending sharp crystalized beams through the cabin below. There was still hours before dawn but she dare not sleep a moment more. How different it had been with him there.

How different it could have been if little prince had actually been there. Her arms wrap around her knees tugging them closely to her chest.

Remembering vividly how the nightmare mirrored the horrific reality. Giant twisting grey trees. Mushrooms larger than her head. At 14 she had tried to touch one with a gloved hand.

Her brother, Egil, smacks it away with the butt of his spear.  “Don't! Could be poisonous. You want to make it, don't you?” Egil chastises his dark eyes searching the shadows, swallowing nervously.

“Stick close to Maire.” He orders tossing his head to their youngest sister, who hovered near Teodor and Hannu. Both boys looked up into the canopy with pale faces, wide eyes transfixed by moths swarming round  tangling branches.

Eir hitches her bow off her shoulder, and trails back, taking Maire's hand in hers. “Stick close. Stab anything that moves, got it?” Nodding the smaller girl follows glued to Eir's side, clutching a sword to her chest. 

It was only a few yards down the winding trail barely discernable among the ever shifting leaf litter that the skittering began.

Teodor's head snapped towards the sound, shoving Hannu closer to Eir. His eyes dart towards the noise and back to Maire.  Silence falls. Silent except the thump thump thump of their hearts beating in their ears.

Eir prays it stops only so she can hear what happened to the skittering. Prays it stops so she can hear what was following them. But it doesn't. Her heart continues racing faster and faster. 

“What do you thi-” Hannu begins only to be cut off by a rough shove from Egil. His head shakes sharply, finger resting on his lips ordering silence. 

Egil steps towards the noise poking the sharp end of his spear into the thick brush edging the trail. Eir steps back pulling Maire with her. Hannu follows suit flanking Maire's other side.

The branches part revealing nothing but shadow and sticks. Trellising undergrowth and vine.  The siblings let out a breath of relief.  Too soon.

A rattling hiss erupts behind Eir causing Maire to bolt into Egil's arms. Spinning Eir turns just in time for the spiders arm to smash down beside her. Missing her by inches. Sending her falling to the ground with a THUD! 

Hannu shrieks in terror. Whacking at a leg with his sword. “Spider! Spider!! It's a fucking Spider!!” Scrambling to her feet she ducks and dodges out of the way of fangs and legs.

Back peddling she notches an arrow and sends it into the spiders gaping maw. It shrieks. Shaking and tossing its thorax and head. Hannu stabs his sword into its head finishing the job. 

But more are descending from the shadows above. Eir and Hannu exchange a look of pure panic.

“Run??” Hannu asks, stumbling to her side rejoining the group.

“No. Stay together. We fight them.” Egil barks, “mai stay with eir. Eir pick them off. Teo, Han, and me will handle the rest.” The rest blurrs. Blurrs with chaos and screams of spiders and the sharp swish of arrow after arrow.

The crunching and smashing sounds of spider's armor versus Dwarven blades from Dale- handed down through generations to her brothers.  It's only when a shadow crosses hers that that realizes too late one is above her.

Swearing she fires above into the trees but the shot misses. The spider doesn't. Pouncing down it slammed Eir to the ground with its forelegs stunning her. Acidic saliva dripping onto her arms where her guards weren't. Her leather chest armor saving her from the puncturing spear like ends of the spiders feet. 

Through the pounding of her head she can see what she knows is Maire screaming beside her.  But this is where things changed

The spider screams and withdraws from Maire and Eir. A dagger sticking from its mouth causing it to recoil another sails in landing right in the spiders brain. Sending it into a fitful death. Shocked her eyes frozen wide she twists in the direction the daggers came from.

There he was in a beam of light from a rare hole in the canopy: Little Prince.

Their eyes meet and his mirror hers blowing wide in surprise. His jaw slacking recognizing her despite her age, "Little bird!?"

"Help us!!!" She cries desperately grabbing at Maire's prone form, the smell of her own charred flesh stinging her nose. "We're gong to die!!"

we weren't.

The dream fades in a chrysalis of spiders webs.

The reality doesn't. Her brother screaming after Maire echoes in her ears for the rest of the week. Her body drug off into the canopy. one second is all it takes to lose someone. If you froze in combat it wasn't always you that died.

her father's disappointed words ring in her ears, "only one of you? That's a surprise."

[cl0verlemon]

Original Molo's story wasn't always happy. Never was, knowing me. (WARNING!! Following content includes the talk of consent, mentions of rape and sexual assault, and abuse.)

---

In his character guide, kids don't ever see the innuendo of something terribly wrong with the character. Just a fun loving British moth who transferred all the way from the UK with a masters degree in dancing. But parents as they watched the show found something else.

Molo was a character of confidence, grace, beauty, and kindness. He was cocky, flirty, a bit of an asshole but nothing too serious. He was kind to his neighbors and that's all parents really cared for. A character that could role model their children.

But, unknowingly, he resided with older audiences a little too heavily.

Teens who had went through traumatic experiences resided with him, and eventually, there was a deleted episode that rolled out. It was a special episode that only lasted a week on air before being cut short, and DVDs of the episode were scarce, but thankfully one person got ahold of one. Now we will share it to the world.

---

The episode started in normal fashion, the big 'Welcome Home' title in front before fading to the front of Home. The building's window shutters abruptly flapping open and closing, before adverting it's pupils elsewhere. Usually Wally Darling, the most beloved neighbour to all the children would have come out by now. But as the camera panned it showed that the episode wasn't about Wally. Not today.

It panned to the pink rosy maple moth from the old cartoon, 'Silky Moth', a comedy slapstick that was canceled just a few months after Welcome Home aired. His smile as big as ever, blue pupils expanding in the center of black sclera. Then, he motioned to a blank paper chart next to him, turning it around to reveal the word. "Consent."

"Today's episode may be too sensitive for littluns, I reckon it would be best if they were to leave the room."

His accent, adored by many, was more serious than the rest of the light-hearted episodes he's been apart in. The scene waited minutes, as if waiting for parents and teens to usher kids and younger siblings out of the room before Molo spoke again.

When he did, he pointed to the white paper.

"Assuming the children are out, parents. This topic is also incredibly sensitive. It is about consent, and is meant for older kids such as fourteen to fifteen years of age. If you can not handle the talk of assault, non-consented actions, and adult topics, I absolutely recommend you turn off the telly and spend the day with your kin. Otherwise, parents and teens alike, if you are alright with the topic. We shall proceed."

Another few minutes pass, aswell as a disclaimer at the bottom in bright, bold text, "VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!"

"We will talk about consent." He repeated, wings fluttering behind him as the scenery around him turned pure white. "Consent, if you do not know, is asking for permission. If someone does not give you permission, or says no, you are not allowed to proceed with your actions. Even if you so desperately crave to."

He took steps away from the paper, and towards the TV screen.

"Some of you could have been victims of non-consented actions, whether sexual, physical, mental, you all have a voice and have a valid reason to speak your mind against it."

He faded, yet his face was still there as images of simply drawn sandwiches appeared in front of the screen, drawn in crayon. It was obviously Wally who was drawing it, his art style recognizable to many adults and teens who watched the show.

"Take consent as, someone is asking you for a sandwich. Your answer depends on their actions. If you say yes to the sandwich, they may give you the sandwich."

The camera clipped and showed a new picture of someone eating a sandwich, then changed again to a half eaten sandwich.

"You do not have to eat the whole sandwich, you can say 'no thank you' even when you've accepted the sandwich."

The camera panned to a drawing of Molo refusing the sandwich.

"If someone says no to the offer of a sandwich, that is okay. You cannot force the person to eat the sandwich." The camera clicked to someone force feeding a childishly drawn Molo a sandwich. "You cannot unconsciously feed a person a sandwich." Another one of Molo being forced to eat the sandwich whilst unconscious. "Even if the person isn't feeling well, er-, we'll just say they drank a bit too much. They cannot accept your sandwich."

The camera panned back to Molo.

"Consent is important during relationships, romantic, platonic, familial. Somebody needs consent to go through your things, somebody needs consent to see something personal to you."

His eyes went blank.

"They need consent when touching you."

Then the background faded back to the simple background everyone was accustomed to, showing Julie walking down the sidewalk and Sally stopping her.

"My, Julie! This extravagant day has been becoming even more marvelous every second that passes!"

Sally twirled, holding a flower in her grasp before outstretching her hands.

"You must smell this flower dear!"

"Oh, no thank you!"

"But you must! It has such a beautiful fragrance!"

"I'm alright Sally, I don't want to smell the flower!"

"Just once?"

The scene stopped and panned back to Molo.

"Sally is not accepting Julie's 'No', like the sandwiches, Sally has to ask if Julie wants to smell the flower. Julie can say no to that matter, and it be left at that."

He turned to the camera.

"Let me show you a way that is better."

The camera panned back to Julie and Sally.

"My, Julie! This extravagant day has been becoming even more marvelous every second that passes!"

Sally twirled around once again like she did before, then lifting her arms to put the flower in Julie's view. Not directly in her face, nothing like that.

"Would you like to smell a beautiful flower I found?"

"No thank you, Sally!"

"Oh!" Sally paused, lowering the flower. "Alright! You said no, I can't force you darling!" Then she walked away.

The camera faded back to white, and Molo stood in the center.

"Now, Sally is listening to Julie's 'no'. And has left the topic alone. She did not force it upon Julie, she did not go against Julie's wishes. She was polite about it."

Molo paused, seemingly staring at the camera for a long moment. His face fell from a smile and his hands quickly reached to grab his arms. You could see Wally's hand reach into frame before Molo pipped up again.

"You can say no for simple things, or for big things."

He stopped again, eyes casting downwards as he gripped onto his arms tighter.

I told myself I was ready for this.

He glanced back up at the camera with a more strained smile.

"No matter what, you have a say. If you feel uncomfortable, if you do not want whatever is being offered, if you do not accept their plea. You can always say no. Not give them your consent."

Molo looked like he was going to pass out, having to take a step back as he tried to get oxygen rushing to his head again. He couldn't. He collapsed onto his knees after minutes of silence, and quickly did the little neighborhood darling come running to sit next to Molo. Nothing he could say would make it better, nothing he could say would erase the past of his dear friend.

Molo turned his eyes to Wally slowly, staring at him for a moment before holding onto the plush man as tightly as possible.

The screen faded to black with the words 'Tell an adult if you experience anything that makes you uncomfortable. Call your local police department if you've been assaulted.'

----

The episode was taken off air for being too serious for children, and too serious for the TV show. Aswell as giving major hints of a character that had been sexually assaulted and possibly even had been raped. However, Molo was kept in the show due to being a fan favourite, and artists put a small Easter egg and glimmer of hope for victims alike.

Inside of Molo's house, which was only shown for a few episodes called 'nightlight fun' and 'Mary-Go-Round', there was a big hanging picture of a woman with snakes as hair. A sign of Medusa. A symbol of a survivor.

---

For people who love Molo as a character, an oc, he was in fact assaulted many times. He was pressured into sending images, intoxication that lead to something incredibly dangerous, and was never listened to. He wanted to share his experience nonchalantly, and tell teens of all kinds that it is alright to speak up. That he supports it, and encourages victims to speak out and scream to the world, even when he never got to.

I'm a victim of SA, and had resonated that within my OC and told a small part of my story with his.

Molo Moth is 26 years old, when his case started, he was only 16. He's still trying to heal. He has a voice, and wanted to share it.

[addictedtostorytelling]

hiya! gil has a lot of pets throughout the show, like Hank, and at least one spider, and his cockroaches and some other bugs (and the foetal pig, which i personally choose to count. i bet he talks to it.) i was wondering if you or anyone else knew an approximate list of them, more so his bugs than anything else.

in one of the episodes (i think its post grissom) nick and greg find a tarantula and greg is pleased to note that its an old friend "hey thats little stevie! he's been missing for years!" i wonder if stevie was ever mentioned by name or if any of gil's other bugs were?

bit of a random one i know, but i do so love gil and his managerie of insects (and Others)

hi, anon!

so here's the thing: despite knowing grissom is something of an animal lover, we actually learn very little about what pets he has over the course of the show. basically the only two named ones we ever hear about are, as you mention, hank the dog and stevie the tarantula.

and, for the record, stevie had never been mentioned prior to the events of episode 10x01 "family affair."

while we know that at any given time, he has a "menagerie" of insects otherwise, seldom are they identified by species, and never are they referred to by specific names.

that so, the best "census" of his animals i can offer is as follows:

of course, he has his irradiated fetal pig (occasionally referred to as "miss piggy," though it's unclear if that is her official name) from the beginning of the show.

he also, as mentioned, from s7 on, has hank (though it's unclear under what circumstances he got him and/or how he decided on the name).

then, in episode 01x22 "evaluation day," sara lists a litany of animals in his care, including a pet tarantula who may or may not be one and the same as "little stevie" (who, as stated, is never mentioned by name prior to s10) and a maggot farm. she also claims he has a komodo dragon on back order, but considering that they are an endangered species and also are not the type of animal that your average person can care for in their private home—they are about ten feet long, can weigh up to 200 lbs., can run up to 13 mph, feed on large game like water buffalo, and have a venomous bite that makes them dangerous to handle—she is probably either a) being facetious, or, b) confusing a komodo dragon with a monitor lizard. in either case, grissom doesn't seem to actually have either a dragon or a lizard in his possession at this time.

in episode 02x05 "scuba doobie-doo," he acquires a silphid beetle from the crime scene, which he refers to, in-episode, as "paul;" however, it is unclear both if he intends to keep the beetle in the long term as a pet and, if so, if paul is actually what he's named him.

in episode 02x10 "ellie," he owns about a dozen madagascar hissing cockroaches, which he intends to race at an entomology conference in duluth, mn. he mentions that his roaches' competitors have names (such as "cocky balboa" and "priscilla, queen of the gutters"), so it's probable that his roaches have names, too. however, if so, he never states what they are.

in episode 07x13 "redrum," he gifts sara the cocoon of an unknown moth or butterfly species, sent to her from walden pond. she elects to keep this cocoon in his office until it hatches. it is unknown a) what kind of insect is inside of the cocoon, b) what becomes of said insect after it hatches, and c) what, if anything, grissom and sara name it.

in csi: vegas episode 01x03 "under the skin," grissom states that hank was the best dog he ever had, which implies he has had other dogs in his life. however, it's uncertain when he had these dogs. it's possible he had childhood dogs and/or other dogs predating hank. it's also possible he had other dogs either concurrent to hank or after him from s9 onward, either with sara or without her. from the sounds of things, by the time the events of csi: vegas s1 are taking place, he and sara are (for the moment) dogless.

from s1-s9, grissom's office is filled with specimens of preserved lizards, amphibians, and fish in jars. however, we don't know if he also has any other living vertebrates as pets. if so, it might explain why sara is able to spend so much unsupervised time in his office during his s7 sabbatical without anyone on the team really batting an eye (as she could just use the ol' "i'm pet-sitting for grissom while he's away. somebody's got to feed his salamanders!" excuse). but certainly nothing is ever mentioned specifically.

to the best of my knowledge, those are the only pets of his we ever know about.

sorry i can't give you a more exact answer!

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[chidorisjournal]

FFxivWrite2023 Prompt #10: Letters - Redux (you pick!)

Dearest Friend Wes,

Do butterflies dream? I’ve often wondered. Well, more often since I met you. My business in the Shroud continues, and I have seen more of the flora and fauna of this forest than I really wanted to. I did see some lovely butterflies of multiple colors, which was a highlight. I’ve included a sketch of one of them I thought you’d like. I wish I had my watercolors, though even they would not have done the spectacular of small bodies justice. It was beautiful, and if everything I had to do here came even close to it in wonder, I would be happier to be here. Even so, I begin to understand why such a place would call to you. There are stunning vistas and beautiful nooks around every corner. Considerably less beautiful are some of the supplies I’m here gathering. I was unaware just how pungent unprocessed morbol is, or how robust the defenses around wild bee hives are. I feel like I’m learning quite a lot about the seedkin and beastkin of the Shroud, as well as the actual studying I’m supposed to be doing. The Padjal that run the healers and Speakers here are wise in the ways of many things, and they’ve been very kind about showing me the similarities in my craft and theirs.

The innkeeper has been replacing the flowers in my room daily. I’ve tried to tell her not to bother, but I suppose it’s just the way of things. Yesterday was a beautiful multicolored batch of moth orchids, today I have a riot of dahlias keeping me company. I know we’re to plant roses. I haven’t forgotten, for all we’ve been busy.

I think I’ve missed a few of your events. I hope they were exciting. I know you make them exciting just by being there, but I hope they were interesting as well. I hope in all of that you’ve caught your relaxing breeze in the interim. I know the seasons are shifting. You can’t feel it in the air here, yet, but there’s this sense of anticipation. A trembling almost happening, like the moment before a butterfly’s wings beat. I’m sure you know what I mean. I’ve watched Blue, once or twice. When he’s resting, but there’s this sense he’s about to move. The Shroud feels like that. Like everything is about to move. Maybe it will. Maybe the trees are on the verge of shaking off their summer dresses and donning their autumn clothes. It would almost be a relief, really. The heat here isn’t oppressive, not like it can be back home, but there’s times when the trees seem to exhale and everything is hot and sticky and green, like the breath of a drunk in your personal space. I could handle a bit of autumn air, crisp and cool.

I’ve got the honey I mentioned last time and a few more ingredients I want to try. I know I keep talking up these treats, so I just wanted to thank you. It’s been a while since I had a willing partner in pastry, as it were, and I appreciate the chance to try new things with a fresh palate. Hopefully some of the ideas I have are keepers.

I should be home soon. I miss my sun baked city. I may try to come back after the leaves have turned, because there’s a beauty in the russets and golds Ul’dah never has, and I am inspired to try to paint it. A trip for another time, I think. Please give Blue my love, Your friend, Hel

[the-official-account]

This is anti content, basically! But i' was writing chapter 4 of that 5+1 fic and decided (thanks to much promoting by @citrusandsalt !) That I want to take it in a whole different direction. Here's what it was, though.

When Spar walks into the meeting room full of people, Vellum turns entirely around as if he has a sixth sense, looks directly at Spar, and scowls. Then those harsh eyes turn to Jack, who doesn't flinch or break his stride, just sits toward the head of the table.

Spar lingers at the door, a bit shocked, before Xbala waves him over to sit beside her.

"How's your head?" She mutters, but Spar doesn't register it at first, eyes locked on Vellum as he resets his face into careful neutrality, and continues his previous conversation with a person who appears altered to resemble a bright red frog.

"What?"

"How's your head, Spar, after lunch? I was so busy thinking about all this I didn't even think about the magic."

Spar shrugs. "Yeah no problem. What is all this?"

"You'll see," she says. She covers the hand Spar's drumming nervously against the table with her own, much larger one. "Thank you for taking me to lunch. It was real sweet."

"You did ask."

"And you didn't argue that much. So thank you. I didn't mean to," she flicks a tongue over a row of sharp canines "be so terse with you. I appreciate what you do. It's good work."

"Thank you."

"I mean it, Spar, You're a good friend. There isn't a single person in this office who wouldn't —"

Spar physically pushes her face away, hiding his with the other hand. "Shut up."

Xbala huffs warm air against his hand. "Yeah, okay."

They lapse into silence. People file in and out the room for the next few minutes. Xbala doesn't remove her hand. Vellum ends his conversation with the frog person and moves to Jack, his back toward Spar in a way he can't help but think is pointed. They speak in whispers.

Spar leans back in his hair, still eyeing them carefully. "Did I fuck up by coming here?"

"Yeah." Xbala says.

"Thanks for telling me."

Vellum straightens then, scanning the room before he walks in front of them all, hands laced behind his back.

Xbala releases Spar's hand. The drumming of his fingers restarts instantly.

"As you all," Vellum makes the slightest hesitation, his jaw tensing, "should know, case 38927 involves thaumaturgic events across Vassa Natura, Cindershore, and Stoneloft. We are not proceeding with immediate, overt investigation because the organization has agreed to S.U.I.T.S presence at their gatherings. We suspect members may be trafficking unregistered thaumaturgic artifacts and/or wands purchased from S.K.U.L.L.S—"

A blond elf groans loudly, seeming not to notice or mind that every head in the room turns to him, and the whole meeting goes silent.

"I feel the same," Vellum says after a pause. He smirks to himself, and Soar takes a silent pride at probably being the only one who notices.

"As I'm still in recovery, I can't attend any field missions. We're looking for a way to distribute personnelle," Jack says.

"We have more than enough people," Says Vellum.

"After some recent disturbances we have reason to increase the number of Agents in any given area to present a—"

"Jack, I don't think that's necessary."

The founders stare at each other for a minute. Jack tilts his head, blinking innocently. Vellum drums his fingers on the handle of his cane.

"Shit," Xbala mutters. Around the room, Agent shuffle uncomfortably in their seats, the Frog-person whispering to that moth-like pixie.

Spar pushes himself to standing. "Agent Vellum, can we speak in the hall?"

He goes for the door before hearing an answer.

Vellum steps out half a minute later, looking sheepish. "Spar," he nods.

"What's all this about?"

"What exactly?"

Spar narrows his eyes. "You wouldn't be asking unless you thought you know more than I do." Vellum works his jaw, but doesn't answer, so Spar pushes on. "I'm not supposed to be here."

"It's not that I don't want you here."

"Now you're making me suspicious," He says it as a joke but Vellum cringes.

[soraavalon]

DM: As you guys are heading in about half an hour in you guys are approaching, trying to find where this boulder might be you see an encampment of this group of brutalized hedgehogs. They are all in these dented silver armor, you can see the eight-pointed star of the Twilight Court as they all are nursing wounds and broken bones and there seems to be about six of them here. They haven't seemed to have noticed you coming up the pathway.

Marigold: Good day?

Mistletoe: I think Mistletoe's gonna be like, "Oh good, you're alive."

DM: They look up to you and you see the leader puffs up his chest and steps up

Night Quill Captain: Of course we're alive, why wouldn't we be alive?

Tark: Well...

Night Quill Captain: Who are you anyways? It's not safe here for civilians so you should move along.

Hunt: We were sent here by the Queen of Moths.

Night Quill Captain: Well you can go back and assure Her Majesty that we have everything under control. We just had a minor setback.

-various 'Hmm's'

Tark: Sure looks like you have everything under control.

Night Quill Captain: We definitely do.

DM: And you can see the six of them, there are eight mounts which are these giant roosters that have saddles tied to the nearby trees. So there are six knights and eight roosters.

Night Quill Captain: We're quite fine. You can tell Her Majesty that we will handle this ourselves, we are of course the Order of the Night Quill and we are the best knight that the Twilight Court has to offer.

Tark: You sure about that bud?

Night Quill Captain: I am certain.

Tark: Buddy.

Marigold: It's okay to go back.

Nathaniel: We will not ask for anything in return for us helping you.

Night Quill Captain: We do not need your help.

Nathaniel: Okay.

Tark: Oh bud.

Ethan: Gurl.

Hunt: Oh.

Knight Captain: We are more than capable of handling a simple troll and free his captive and returning the veil to the Queen.

-multiple 'Captive?'-

Tark: Hold up, wait what?

Nathaniel (OOC): *laughs* We all went "What?"

Night Quill Captain: The damsel is our jurisdiction, we shall handle it.

Tark: Damsel.

Mistletoe: We could leave the damsel to you while we--

Tark: Deal with the troll.

Night Quill Captain: that is out of the question, it is our quest and our knightly duty to...There is a woman in the trolls cave who asked for our assistance in freeing her.

Tark: Hmm.

Night Quill Captain: And it is a chivalric duty to free her from [something]

Tark: Roll this back real quick; [something] kick your ass or was you know, sometimes some people don't want to be saved.

Night Quill Captain: She asked us for our help and begged us free her.

Marigold: What if you guys just, you know, heal up and rest and we'll go see if we can rescue her. Clearly if there's someone in trouble, it's not who did it, it's that it gets done.

DM: Make a persuasion check.

Marigold: Come on dice *rolls*

Mistletoe: Can I assist?

DM: I'm gonna say no.

Marigold: That's okay. *rolls a Nat20 for total of 27*

Hunt (OOC): *sees roll* Oh wow!

Mistletoe: *laughing* I was going to add a suggestion in there, but I see.

DM: At this, the leader of the Knight Quill scratches his furry chin.

Night Quill Captain: Well, I suppose that is true and we need a brief respite before we are able to resume our quest. Very well, you may free the lady from her bonds with our blessing

Marigold: How generous.

Mistletoe: You're basically deputizing us.

Nathaniel: That's fine.