#This literally took me all day to write Para LOL

[mareenavee]

Double-speak Fic Writer's Tag Game!

This was started by the most esteemed @saltymaplesyrup and I was tagged by the corvid word sorcerer herself @paraparadigm for this! Thank you!

Here are the questions:

1) What do they say they want? (i.e., what are the desires they put out into the world and have no trouble admitting) 2) What do they think they want? (i.e., what are the desires they keep hidden and only admit to their closest loved ones) 3) What do they actually want? (i.e., what is something they subconsciously need, but either do not realize or cannot admit it)

Tagging @changelingsandothernonsense, @friend-of-giants, @saltymaplesyrup (yes in your own ask chain / tag game lol), @thequeenofthewinter, @ervona and since it's character based and I know your characters are loud about these things, if you feel up to it, @the-storytellers-seer!!

I'll be answering this for my three POV characters (Nyenna, Teldryn and Athis) in The World on Our Shoulders, below the cut! It's a long one.

Nyenna ☼

1) What do they say they want?

Nyenna says outwardly that she just wants to keep her loved ones safe, especially in the wake of her destiny sort of upending her life. She says she wants to be normal and have a comfortable, peaceful existence. She would have rather had all of this fate nonsense miss her. Ideally, she wouldn't have ever had to leave Valenwood on someone else's terms. If she chose to leave at all, it ideally wouldn't have been so permanent.

2) What do they think they want?

She wants very much to never have been chosen as this legendary being. She wants a version of her family that never existed -- an image clouded by nostalgia for times less chaotic. Her brother to be alive and by her side still. Her family to be whole. Her mother to not have scorned her every move. For things to not have gone so horribly sideways at every intersection of her journey. And of course she wishes she'd made different decisions, gone on to Solstheim first instead of settling.

She wants to be with Teldryn, but fears the implications of that. First, that she had no clear idea what love was or could be and second that she actually doesn't love Athis in the way that he deserves, even after having married him. She is so public at the point that she realizes these things. And there's stigma behind a lot of this. There's a certain nervousness about being talked about behind her back that never quite leaves her, no matter where she goes, likely stemming from years having to be as anonymous as possible for survival. There's expectations of her station. She holds a specific image no thanks to everyone else of what she's supposed to be and how she's supposed to proceed now with the weight of destiny on her shoulders. And again, it's all very public. She wishes it wasn't. She wants very much to be immune to it, and just let go of all her decisions prior to. She wants to never have rushed into anything just because it felt like safety. She didn't know who she was then. She'd never been, up until a certain point, allowed to be anybody at all. She didn't know what to want, really. And now she does.

3) What do they actually want?

What she really needs is to forgive herself. She carries a lot of blame and guilt in her. She blames herself for not being good enough, even when she was young. Even now when she's supposed to be this invincible hero. Even as a wife, there's certain situations she's blaming herself for. She's under the impression that no matter what she does, it's not right, imperfect, flawed. She needs very much to feel like she's a good person. She needs to be free of the expectations that others have placed on her at every life stage, and that she has so deeply internalized.

She needs to be supported and loved in a way that reminds her what she's capable of no matter what situation she finds herself in, because even with all the mistakes she actually is a good person. She is flawed, she is imperfect but it doesn't make her evil or worthless. I think she spent a lot of her life feeling that sort of worthlessness. The whole story we sort of see all the things destiny can take away from a person and that affects her worldview and really digs in to where she's already carrying these wounds. In the end, she really, really needs hope. Hope that what she's accomplished is enough. Hope that she can be forgiven for her wrongs. Hope that at the end of everything, she can finally, finally find some peace. Perhaps even the hope that she can consider herself worthy of peace.

Teldryn ☾✩

1) What do they say they want?

He has a bit of a boastful demeanor. It's clear he wants to be seen as this strong-willed, smooth, confident character. He's the sort that kind of goes after what he wants in a lot of ways, and as such is upon meeting Nyenna perceived to be this merciless flirt. I suppose he mostly is, but it's more of a veneer to try and convince himself he's not as broken as he knows he is after everything. A sort of persona, if you will, to try and convince himself he can be as he he once was regardless of the chaos that trailed out behind him now for a very long time. He wants to ignore it and just move forward, as he believes very much there's no point in dwelling because the past can't be changed. It's a point of contention with Nyenna, who constantly wishes the past was different than it is. It doesn't mean that the past doesn't affect him -- it does. But it does drive him to want to keep moving toward the next thing.

2) What do they think they want?

He wants very much to just exist without the nightmares his past causes him. He wants to work and travel and fight and not be dragged down by his own mistakes. He hadn't considered it before, but he wants to be with Nyenna actually, and not just for a minute before he moves on to the next thing. She gives him pause and understands him in a way nobody else even could due to the whole legendary hero situation. She somehow sees through the nonsense, as Geldis so lovingly calls it. Sees past the darkness and I suppose doesn't flinch away at the damage there considering she's got something of the same kind of fractures. It's not exactly logical, maybe. But he's never really been strictly logical.

I think he also very much wants to not feel like he's running from things anymore under the guise of being practical and goal oriented. As the story progresses, he loses more and more of his kind of paranoia about being recognized by people he doesn't personally recognize, which was a thing that was more or less keeping open the chapter he'd been through as the Nerevarine. More like because he'd done these things and felt so much guilt and shame surrounding all that had happened in the last few centuries almost as a direct result of his actions, he felt like he deserved to be a target. He deserved their anger and ire as Morrowind crumbled and he straight up didn't help, at least at first, as his title as Hortator would have suggested he should. And while he keeps it to himself, he just wants to be done with that chapter. To close the book entirely and let the world forget he even existed. He'd up until a certain point never even allowed himself to truly live. His purpose, if you could call it that, was about forgetting. He still wants to forget. He wants to focus his attention on something -- anything else other than everything trailing behind him. It's been a long road, and there's still more miles and miles to walk, but he's getting there.

3) What do they actually want?

Teldryn also needs to forgive himself. In a lot of ways his story echoes Nyenna's. Fate is a fickle thing, isn't it? In his case... well. He could not have known all that would occur as a result of his being manipulated by forces beyond his control. The Red Year was not his fault. This specific event led to his worst spiral, and even at rock bottom his friends pulled him back up, understanding that he couldn't have known things would go this way. They don't blame him. And the people who do vocally blame the Nerevarine for disappearing at such a critical moment in history were broken and hurt, and looking for anywhere to put their sorrow other than themselves. He believed them because it echoed his inner monologue of feeling purposeless and discarded after his quest.

Teldryn needs to allow himself to be loved, as well. For who he is underneath the shadows. For his strength in trying to get his life back together, even when things seemed beyond bleak. For how much he truly accomplished over his lifetime -- he was Twin Lamps back then, for one thing. He did stop the blight and save his people from Corprus and the will of Dagoth-Ur. He did, after the intervention of his friends, help with the relief efforts in Solstheim. He does protect people who need to be protected, even if he claims he's just a sellsword.

Deep down he has felt for a long, long time that he's not worthy of love or that he's not the kind of person who should be loved. That he'd done too much and gone too far off the deep end to ever come back. That if he feels love at all, the other person will surely see some kind of monster and leave him and it wouldn't be worth the heartache. That he's better off alone. Nyenna doesn't buy it -- not the mask of confidence and swagger and not this underlying deep self loathing. She understands the chaos and guilt in a very clear parallel sort of way and while it haunts her, too, she just wants to be considered good in the end. He can actually see the good in her shine through, even when she herself can't find it. He can see her best intentions even when she makes the wrong choices. And in turn he does start to believe when she convinces him what he is capable of. (Boy is it hard to skirt around spoilers in this paragraph lol)

Athis ⚔︎

1) What do they say they want?

Athis just wants to live a normal life with a normal job using skills he's already good at. In a way his arrival to Whiterun is kind of similar to Nyenna's, but he was running from different enemies and they couldn't keep chasing him over the border. He wants his wife to be home when he is. He wants to feel comfortable and happy. He wants to keep believing he's in his own version of success. That he's accomplished everything he'd set out to do, and even found a bit more than he thought he might. He wants to believe he found peace already, and wants to be able to enjoy that with his family and friends. If he's already settled down, he wants a proper family, because why not? He didn't grow up with the notion he could ever have these things and now he believes he can.

2) What do they think they want?

Peace and calm are the front of Athis's mind, always. He's not a rock-the-boat kind of person. More like if it's not broken, don't fix it. OR if it is broken, pretend that it isn't until it falls apart and one can't ignore it anymore. He wants to be able to say all kinds of things but feels like he can't or that it would directly conflict with peace and calm that he's already convinced he's found.

So when Nyenna runs away and leaves him behind, he wants to believe it's solely because she wants to keep him safe. And he knows this want. He wants her to be safe, too. He wants to believe the he is the person to keep her safe, but truth be told -- being an inch from death due to a dragon attack has sort of shaken up his self image. He wants very much to ask the Gods why he wasn't chosen as the Dragonborn and why it had to be the love of his life instead.

He wants to feel less stuck, I think, as he realizes pretty slowly that maybe he isn't living up the image he has of himself in his head. He can't keep up because he's convinced himself he's already as good as he's going to be. He's already come so far, how much further can he really go? He had been an everyday sort of hero for so long without really having to work that hard about it before and he wants that to still be enough. He wants to be Nyenna's hero again, because he believes this is the only reason why she chose him to begin with. He wants to be able to communicate this with her, but doesn't know how to approach the subject in a way that isn't accusatory or in a way that piles more responsibility onto her shoulders.

He wants to salvage their relationship and make up for all the times he didn't give up his peace, didn't run after her and didn't have her back. He wants to fill in the cracks created under the weight of her destiny. He wants things to go back to how they were, this image he has of them that portrays a dynamic that no longer exists.

He wants to believe that she loved him as much as he loves her. Because he does still love her, even after all the pain inflicted on him over the course of things. He wants to figure out how to be the kind of person worthy of her but doesn't know where to begin. He wants her to tell him where to begin. He wants her to come home and remind him he's needed and wanted and things will be just fine. He wants her not to forget about him. He wants the girl she used to be before to come back through the door to their home. He wants time to turn back so he could relive all the happiest moments he can remember, all of which she was there for. He hasn't been able to find much of that recently without her.

3) What do they actually want?

What he truly, truly needs is to believe in himself. He is capable of so much more than he gives himself credit for. He is the only thing standing in his way. It's not about Nyenna, it's not about being a hero or a failure, it's about rising to the challenge. Because at the end of the day, what would it be if not a challenge to keep up with a legendary hero? The truth is he doesn't believe in himself, and probably never has due to his background -- and he really needs a sort of mindset shift to see beyond that. He sort of convinced himself already that he's not good enough and seeks a kind of validation elsewhere. He has a codependent nature, even though he's spent a lot of effort trying to pretend he's fine on his own. In the Companions, though, he was never alone. He always had his friends around. When he met Nyenna, and showed him compassion he'd heretofore lacked, he clung to it. (and really so did she which didn't help.) He does need to realize that he's strong enough to stand on his own two feet.

He needs to listen, as well, truly listen. He hears what he wants to hear, and because communication is honestly difficult, he doesn't look beyond or read between the lines. He needs to understand that apathy is not the same as accepting things that are immutable. As the poem goes, more or less, he needs to change the things he can and let go of the rest. Apathy is the enemy to progress. He'd been on pause for so long that he didn't realize there was more he could be doing. Didn't realize he could be a solution to some problems, especially with the double blow to his confidence the dragon and Nyenna's leaving gave him. He needs to be willing to try to salvage something instead of waiting for someone else to direct him where to go.

And last, he needs to let go of the past. Of the image we mentioned above regarding things that have changed so drastically. He needs to let go of the horrors of his own past before Nyenna, before even coming to Whiterun. He needs to understand that certain things cannot be changed -- like Nyenna's destiny or the new person she's become since walking into her power. That it's not a personal failure of his if things don't remain stable and calm. That there is a way to move forward again. That he gets to decide who he is with or without her and it's not up to anyone else. That it's never been up to anyone else. That he is enough, after all.

[mushroomwriter]

(pt 1) "Atleast we can suffer together!" lol true! Gosh, that line (and tbh that whole scene with Sergio and Martín murders me of FEELS)... it's just so angsty cause it's not even the fact Andrés died, but he was also sick and Sergio knew that and he still never truly considered the possibility of his brother dying :(

BTW, what headcanon for the hermanos backstory do you subscribe to? I'm not sure when you first started the show, but I watched the show back when s3 was just released and in those days everyone subbed to the hc that they were half brothers, and there was this interview where Alvaro mentioned even more headcanons abt the bros (they shared a father, who abandoned Andrés for Sergio & his mom, then after he died Andrés appears on the scene and tells Sergio he is his brother, took care of him for medical treatment etc)... of course, 2 years later s5 seemingly retconned all that and just made them normal full(?) brothers growing up in the same household with both parents which I didn't appreciate very much lol. Anyway, just asking you that because some of my thoughts about the hermanos are influenced by my thoughts about their childhood - especially if Andrés raised Sergio as a kid, it makes everything so much more WORSE and heartbreaking cause of course he'd have grown up thinking his older brother is invincible almost, right? Interested to know what you think!!

(pt 2) Yeah all but one of my exams are done with... meh I've been pretty miserable but thank you for all your kind wishes! You're so right, if Andrés just mentioning Sergio makes us feel things, I can't even imagine what a whole scene with them together again would do!! I miss Sergio too 🥲 Once again, feel free to take your time and wait for the inspo, I actually came across an angsty quote that might fit the Scene that shall not be Named and since you love pain, I will tell you. "I wanted to fall down right there but I knew you wouldn't catch me because you're dead." - Richard Siken. Don't think about how as Andrés fell, Sergio was also falling in Helsinki's arms. (Also please don't feel like I'm forcing you to make a gifset with the quote or anything, I'm sorry if it comes across that way I just wanted to share for the #hermanos angst) I have no words for your next para but just. yes. I agree with everything you said. I will never get over the fact he literally tried to run back into the (idk how many metres long) tunnel himself despite knowing the police were on the other side and it would almost definitely lead to capture but Sergio was willing to risk all that just to get his brother to safety :( (pt 3) "When they're together, they're a big brother and a little brother" I knowww 🥺🥺 it makes me so SOFT. I'm with Andrés, how can you possibly eat breakfast when the world's most precious hermanito is not there yet? That scene when he wakes up Sergio is so sweet, Sergio looks so adorable and just the fond amusement Andrés has when he picks up the book "did you stay up late studying again" and how gentle he is when waking him up, Sergio also does not startle in the slightest, in that small moment you can see how familiar they are, how much they both love and trust each other, your honour I LOVE THEM!! Ah the Toledo house always makes me think how they spent those 5 months pretending to be strangers, I mean you can't tell me that Sergio was also not taking every excuse he can to spend more time with his brother (it's DEFINITELY to discuss important plans with the heist Captain!) but I like to imagine Sergio also took care of Andrés in secret, helping him with the meds and stuff... despite everything, Andrés did have a clock running out and they both knew it :( On another sidenote, I've been wanting to write a oneshot of the bros in Toledo since like 2020 but I never got around to it LOL so thank you once again for letting me ramble abt the heist brothers to you Oh god yes, those lyrics truly come straight for the heart and make Sergio's grief infinitely worse! Awww I'm glad you enjoy my thoughts (and I hope you haven't regretted your invitation yet) Haha, you should probably put this one under a cut too, how do these things always get so long??? Truly the hermanos live rent free in my head... but you're right it's great the Range of thoughts they give us from sheer tragedy to happy little childhood memories asdfjsk. YES IT'S THE CUTEST EVER and Alvaro plays it so well :') Comfort scene of all time to me <3 No, thank you for your patience and just being so lovely!! As always, it gives me so much serotonin to talk with you abt the heist bros ❤ Have a great day/week whenever you see this!! (also I hope you got all 3 parts, my wifi is being so weird rn 😭 I can't imagine how confusing it would be to get only 1 half or someth, anyway. pls ask me to resend if tumblr did in fact disappear an ask)

So true (that scene really leaves me on the floor suffering!!)... he knew and yet... at the very least he was convinced they were going to have time after the heist (the scene where he's giving instructions to the other band members about where they'll live etc. always gets me because he was supposed to go somewhere with Andrés...)

About the hermanos' childhood, I feel like I'm an outlier there 😅 because I learned of that headcanon later, I don't remember exactly when, for sure after watching season 3, and season 3 gave me the impression they were full brothers, because I think we get scenes where Andrés refers to their mother and to their father in a way that made me go, okay, so they share both parents. You know, the scene where he tells Sergio he's got mom's disease and the scene where he asks him where did dad go wrong when he robbed the bank... So when after that I saw that interview I didn't really embrace (? I don't know how to say that lol) the half-brothers headcanon because the show had already given me another impression. On the other hand, I immediately accepted the idea of Andrés bringing Sergio to Russia where he got the cures he needed (also because lol that's a point they never clarified in the show, right? How he ended up healing). That said, I really like the potential and implications of the half-brothers headcanon too... like, for example, as you said, Andrés basically raising Sergio. I think you can kinda work that into the full-brothers scenario as well, though maybe not quite at the same level, because if their parents already had trouble with medical expenses for Sergio when they both were there, once their mother was alone I imagine she really had to bury herself into work, which left Andrés in a position to really have to take care of Sergio... also as I mentioned I believe he was the one who found that hospital in Russia where Sergio could be cured, and found a (probably not very legal) way to take him there and so on... and at this point I like to play with both options and confront them and see like, okay, in half-brothers scenario Andrés probably resented their mother for abandoning him while in full-brothers scenario he ended up resenting her because she couldn't take proper care of them and (probably especially) because she failed to come up with a way to save Sergio's life, Andrés had to take matters into his own hands. And I think it's super interesting that he doesn't end up resenting Sergio (which I think he could have easily done in both scenarios! Like, in half-brothers scenario because he was abandoned for him, and in full-brothers scenario I have to imagine his unhealthy little brother received a lot more attentions!) One thing I think we get more intensely in the half-brothers scenario is that taking care of Sergio is really a Choice, like he really didn't have to and still!

Oh, and regardless of scenarios, I really love the idea of Andrés being the one who ultimately saved Sergio's life, it's possible that at some point doctors in their hometown were a bit resigned about him not making it but Andrés was like NO. And he did save him! I bet he's ferociously proud of that, and maybe it's another think that makes him feel especially protective of his hermanito (and makes Sergio feel like Andrés can do ANYTHING).

I see, at least you're almost done... ugh, I'm so sorry, I get it... I hope once you get rid of that last one too you'll feel a bit better... Gosh, I would probably never ever stop screaming if we get a new hermanos scene! And HOLY HELL, that quote fits the whole thing so well, I feel sick! Literally literally Sergio falling but he's not falling in his brother's arms, his brother isn't there anymore... no, absolutely, don't worry, it goes without saying that I appreciate the #hermanos angst, and suggestions about quotes that could fit them are always welcomed (I mean, as of right now I wouldn't know how to make a gifset with it but maybe by turning it over and over in my head I'll get an idea...)!! Also, I actually got inspiration for a gifset about them, finally!!! from another Richard Siken's quote, no less (he was really writing about them lmao), like I'm still not completely sure of which scenes to use, but I do have an idea, I hope it'll work :D

Oh god that's true. Oh man he really tried to run into that tunnel, no matter how crazy that was... I cry!!

It's trueee, that scene where Andrés wakes Sergio up OVERFLOWS with familiarity, it's so clear it's not the first time he had to wake his little brother up after he stayed up late to study and had to pick up some book Sergio left lying around... he's so fondly amused!! Please and now I'm smiling so much at the idea of Sergio coming up with Very Important Topics He Needs to Discuss with The Heist Captain... and I wonder how many times they were the last ones left in a room (a mere coincidence, of course!)... and yeah, I bet Sergio also played the Finding Many Small Ways To Take Care Of You game, this is making me emotional! Hehe I'm happy I gave you the chance to talk about these things, if you ever get around to write that please let me know (if you want to of course)

I definitely don't regret my invitation, when I saw your new messages I was like yessss! Oh right, at this point the ability to put things under a cut is my friend sjsjsjsk but I feel you, I can't get them out of my head!!

Don't mention it!! Talking with you about the hermanos is such a serotonine boost, and honestly I very much needed that, the last few weeks have been pretty tiring! Thank you, I hope you do too, despite that accursed exam! Please take care! (Also as you can see all three parts made it safely to my inbox, thankfully!)

[sunnysviolin]

Roboheart, muntantheart, perfectheart, AND sweetheart for the ask post

Ahhhhh the trifecta!! Oh wait shit not the trifecta- the trifecta AND THE PERFECT ORIGINAL (/s /s/ /s /s) Nonnie!!! You are an angel and I hope you’re having a good day. This was so much fun to wake up to! 

Roboheart: What languages do you speak?

English, and I’m progressing pretty good in Spanish! Yo estudiando para muchos años pero yo no soy bueno en gramatica (I bet that was slightly wrong haha!) I also just started Japanese but that’s like literally just started (everyone thank @omorimewo for helping me and encouraging my Japanese journey!!) 

Mutantheart: What aspects about you do people find charming and loveable?

Haha....we’re asking me questions where I have to say nice stuff about myself? Oh boy...

Okay being serious(ish) I think people like how dedicated I am? I care about a lot of stuff and I’m really passionate about putting work behind that, so I’m always willing to help. I do theatre, and the joke is that if we don’t know how we’re going to block a scene, I’m the one to go to because I always have an idea. (I have some pretty funny stories about this actually lol) I also give pretty good advice and I’m good to talk to (so I’m told!) Also my best friends tell me I’m really funny, so I guess I’m funny!

((Can you tell how awkward I am with this kind of questions? haha, I’m working on being nicer to myself, which includes acknowledging I have good traits OWO))

Perfectheart: What skills do you wish you were better at?

Oh studying and organization....I’m a mess and I get pretty good grades but I literally don’t know how. I procrastinate everything always and forever. I also said this previously, but I would like to stop killing plants 0-0

I also wish I was better with people skills! I’m not the type who reaches out to make friends, and I have some trouble getting to know people. Once I do, we’re fast friends! But the initial reach out is hard for me. I also wish I was better at letting people in, I generally internalize everything when I know it would be easier to just ask for help lol

Sweetheart: How would you describe your self-image?

.......Geez. Like internal? External? Generally not great? I’ve never been particularly kind to myself, not exactly sure why. My fic New Normal is super important to me for that exact reason. Not to get depressing on my side blog about a video game but....yeah. We’re working on improving that one though! 

Thanks for all the questions Nonnie! These were fun to answer (The spanish took me too long to write though...time to start hitting thebooks!!!)

[thecharmingknightemma]

note:  I'll be adding some things due to the particular nature of this blog lol aka rewriting a character from scratch but keeping canon information of the pre-change

Name / Alias:  Ele

Are you over 18? yes

Is your muse(s) over 18?  tes

When was your blog established? 2012 with the url thecharmingprincessemma, basically as soon as the first season of ouat was over I went 'but what if the curse had been avoided instead and Emma had been raised by her parents in the Enchanted Forest'

– W R I T I N G  –

Are you selective about who you write with?

No ( anyone )   /   semi (most people)   /   yes ( some people )   /   Highly ( few people )   /   Private ( mutuals only ).

Are you selective about who you follow?

No ( anyone )   /   Semi ( most people )   /   yes (some people)  /   Highly ( few people ).

If your muse is canon, how much do you adhere to canon?

Not at all   /   A little   /   some  /   mostly /   Strictly   /   Not Applicable. - I adhere to the canon setting and the way I see Snow and David as parents, and the changes they even managed to bring in an Emma who rightfully had a completely different personality due to having lived a horrible life

What post lengths do you write?

One-Liners    /   single-para /   multi-para /   novella /   All of the aforementioned.

Do you use icons and/or GIFS?

No   /   Gifs   /   icons but it’s not ‘required’ /   Yes   /   Sometimes.

Do you write on other platforms?

No  /  yes.  

What level of plots do you write?

Unplotted  /   Open-Ended Plots   /  Semi-Plotted (it's impossible for me to write fully plotted things or even be sure of where the thread will go because I'm character-driven, and if we decide for example that our muses will 'reveal their feelings but not get together and part ways' and then in the thread your muses chooses some words that actually work and convince my muse, I can't write her as rejecting him. A different phrasing can change my muse's feelings about something and if I stop writing their honest reactions I won't be able to write at all (yes this is me apologizing to people because plots got changed lol)  /   Fully Plotted Epics    /  all of the aforementioned. 

How quickly do you usually respond to threads?

Very Slow ( more than a month )  /   Slow ( 3 - 4 weeks )   /   Average ( 1 - 2 weeks )   /   Fast ( less than one week )   /   Very Fast ( less than three days )   /   IT DEPENDS.

What types of themes do you like?

Adventure   /   Romance   /   Fluff   /   Angst   /   Smut   /   Violence   /   Tragedy   /  Domestic   /   Family. / all of the above, my fave ones are hurt/comfort and romance and happy things, angst turns into hurt comfort or nothing, smut it’s only when it helps us develop muses and relationships

What genres do you like? ( Feel free to add ! )

High Fantasy   /   Supernatural   /   Science Fiction /   Historical   /   Horror   /   comedy /   romantic /   drama /   action /   adventure   /   Espionage   /   all of the aforementioned.

Are there any themes you’re uncomfortable writing on your blog?

No  /  yes, many /  Sometimes.  

Do you have any triggers?   How do you request it tagged?

they are not 'triggers' but I can't see images with gore, it just fuels my nightmares. also when it comes to sexual content, there are some days when I'm more repulsed than others or surrounded by people so I prefer having the choice whether to see them or not, so I usually only follow people who tag them in easy ways to block. Also sometimes detailed talks of hell or black&white aesthetic that reminds me of dead people like the Addams Family makes me literally panic lmao go figure 

– S H I P P I N G –

What types of relationships are you open to?

Romantic   /   Platonic   /   Familial   /   ALL OF THE AFOREMENTIONED.

What types of pre-established relationships are you open to?

Romantic   /   Platonic   /   Familial   /   all of the aforementioned. / pre-enstablished can only happen in new verses after we have interacted for a while, or with A LOT of plotting in which we talk about our muses and their behaviors in several scenarios, or it's just too hard. Emma is almost an oc, it's difficult to guess her behaviors right and correct people if they assume wrong

Do you have OTPs?

No   /   chemistry only  /   yes - killian jones only if kept like in canon and other crossover canon characters when they follow canon.(gonna be honest, usually when muns change a canon character because uncomfortable over how much 'nicer' love made him/he was whipped, the result is someone I'd never ship with Emma because I never see them as whipped as much as respectful of female characters' traumas and needs? or simply not as dark, which I appreciate)

Do you have NOTPS?

No   /   YES.  Sorry but I never want to see anything about Emma and Regina or Emma and Neal, when it comes to Emma at least

What is your muse’s sexual orientation?

heterosexual /   Heteroflexible   /   Bisexual   /   Pansexual   /   Homoflexible   /   Homosexual   /   Demisexual   /   Sapiosexual   /   ( Grey ) Asexual   /   Still trying to figure it out.

What is your muse’s romantic orientation?

Heteroromantic   /   Heteroflexible   /   Biromantic   /   Homoflexible   /   Homoromantic   /    Panromantic   /   Demiromantic   /   Sapioromantic   /   Aromantic   /  still trying to figure it out

Are you comfortable writing smut?

No /   Selectively   /   yes.

How early in a relationship do you ship romantically?

Autoship   /   during plotting  /   after a couple ic interactions   /   Several IC interactions  /   Slow burn /   plot dependent   /   Never.  

Are you open to toxic ships?

No (not even platonically which makes hard to interact with many characters and me pretty boring lmao)   /   selectively  /   Yes    /   I am not sure.

Are you open to problematic ships?

No, same as above, though to be fair what's not problematic to me may be to others   /   selectively /   Yes   / I am not sure.

Are you open to polyshipping?

no /   Selectively   /   Yes  /  I am not sure.

Are you an exclusive shipper?

Never   /  ��sometimes /   Yes.

Does crack shipping ever happen?

Nope,because it doesn't matter how crazy it is, if it works, I ship for real lol   /   yes

tagged by @xthesparequeen

tagging anyone who wants to do it because chrome sorta froze and it took me thirty minutes just to do this, let alone if I wait for tagging to works

[creepywonderland-pony]

Tag Game

Rules: Answer questions given to you, write 11 new questions, and tag people to answer those questions!

Reglas: ¡Contesta las preguntas que se te den, escribe 11 nuevas preguntas y etiqueta a otros para que respondan esas preguntas!

I was tagged by @real-life-sucks-ass (thanks!)

I’m answering this in two languages so I can tag more people c: / Lo responderé en dos lenguajes, así puedo etiquetar a más gente c:

1) What would an evil version of you look like? Describe it or draw it. / ¿Cómo luciría una versión malvada de tí? Descríbela o dibujala

I am my own evil version. Lmao kidding. Oh boi, it took me a lot of time to get this one! I think my evil version would be as extra as me, therefore she would dress in all black and have really showy makeup (unlike me), and will be very very rude and conceited.  Lowkey I want her to have a cool hairstyle, but ceteris paribus, my hair is so straight that she would probably be trapped in the same I-cant-do-anything-with-this-hair hell.

Soy mi propia versión malvada. Lol, broma. ¡Me tomó mucho tiempo pensar en esta pregunta! Creo que mi versión malvada sería tan extra como yo, por lo tanto, se vestiría completamente de negro y tendría un maquillaje muy vistoso (a diferencia de mí), y sería muy grosera y engreída. A medias quiero que tenga un peinado genial, pero ceteris paribus, mi cabello es tan liso que probablemente quede atrapada en el mismo infierno de no-puedo-hacer-nada-con-este-cabello.

2) Share your knowledge! Teach us something weird you know :D/ Comparte tu conocimiento! Cuentanos algo extraño que sepas :D

I’m not quite sure of how unknown this fact is, but it will always shock me that the first biological weapons were corpses contaminated with the black plague catapulted into walled cities. And just to be sure I can surprise you, I’m going to tell ya that plesiosaurus and pterosaurs weren’t dinosaurs, in fact, all dinosaurs lived on the land. These species are classified due to the differences in its anatomy (especially bone structure) as big flying/swimming reptiles.

No estoy segura de cuán desconocido es este hecho, pero siempre me sorprenderá que las primeras armas biológicas fueran cadáveres contaminados con la plaga negra catapultada a las ciudades amuralladas. Y solo para asegurarme de que pueda sorprenderte, voy a decirte que los plesiosaurios y pterosaurios no eran dinosaurios, de hecho, todos los dinosaurios vivieron en la tierra. Estas especies se clasifican debido a las diferencias en su anatomía (especialmente la estructura ósea) como grandes reptiles voladores/nadadores.

3) You find a way to stop the time, as long as you want, as many times as you want. Only you can move, everything else is frozen. While it’s frozen, you don’t age. How do you use that power? / Encuentras la forma de detener el tiempo, por tanto como desees y tantas veces como lo desees. Solo tú puedes moverte, todos lo demás están congelados. Mientras [el tiempo] está congelado, no envejeces. ¿Cómo usas ese poder?

As I’m the most boring human being on this planet and also because I’m always stressed with college or wanting to write or watch a show, or paint, etc; I would probably just sit down and do as many things as possible. It would be very helpful tbh. I would also enjoy some time on my own, and maybe i would also be a little robin hood and take a few things from large commercial chains to give them to the poor. Yeah, mostly those kind of things.

Como soy el ser humano más aburrido de este planeta y también porque siempre estoy estresada con la universida,d o con ganas de escribir, o ver una serie, o pintar, etc; probablemente me sentaría a hacer tantas cosas como fuera posible. Sería muy útil tbh. También disfrutaría algo de tiempo por mi cuenta, y tal vez también sería un pequeño robin hood y tomaría algunas cosas de las grandes cadenas comerciales para entregárselas a los pobres. Sí, como ese tipo de cosas.

4) Can you cook? If so, please share a recipe with us? / ¿Puedes cocinar? Si es así, por favor comparte una receta con nosotros

I can certainly prepare a really good white rice and some pasta and salad lmao. Mmm sweet things are my speciality tbh, but I never learn the recipes from memory so… sorry.

Ciertamente puedo preparar un arroz blanco muy bueno y un poco de pasta y ensalada. Mmm cosas dulces son mi especialidad tbh, pero nunca me aprendo las recetas de la memoria así que … perdón.

5) If your life was a book, what would the first lines be like? (It can be a serious biography, a funny light book, poetry, drama, romance, or even a comics of child’s book, whatever you want!) / Si tu vida fuera un libro, ¿cómo serían las primeras líneas? (Puede ser una biografía seria, un libro divertido, poesía, drama, romance, o incluso un cómic de un libro infantil, ¡lo que quieras!)

“No one would have thought that Constanza was worthy to be a heroine, for her life is so boring that this book will make you sleep” Pfff, this is a hard one. I would probably like to have a really smart and sarcastic context, as Jane Austen always wrote; but in the case I’m blessed with being part of a fantasy book I want it to start with a fight or super badass escape.

“Nadie hubiera pensado que Constanza era digna de ser una heroína, porque su vida es tan aburrida que este libro te hará dormir” Pff, esta está dificil. Probablemente me gustaría tener un contexto muy inteligente y sarcástico, como Jane Austen siempre escribió; pero en el caso de que sea tan afortunada como para ser parte de un libro de fantasía, quiero que comience con una pelea o un escape súper rudo.

6) How’s your day so far? / ¿Cómo ha sido tu día hasta ahora?

Pretty calm, I woke up late, eat my breakfast and spend some time on my social media. I also got a comment on a fic so I’m happy c:

Muy tranquilo, me levanté tarde, desayuné y pasé un tiempo en mis redes sociales. También recibí un comentario sobre un fic así que estoy feliz

7) How many languages can you speak?

I can speak Spanish (native), English (quite fluently, but I mumble some words, working on that tho), and I started learning French (but I can only say really simple stuff).

Puedo hablar español (nativo), inglés (bastante fluidamente, pero farbullo algunas palabras, estoy trabajando en eso de todas formas), y comencé a aprender francés (pero solo puedo decir cosas realmente simples).

8) Rec us one or two good fanfics you’ve read recently! / ¡Recomiéndanos uno o dos buenos fanfics que has leído recientemente!

Ok, so. These are going to be different answers for obvious reasons. Lately I have not read so much in English and I do not know if we will coincide in fandoms but:

Rose Tinted by darkbrokenreaper is a Killing Stalking fanfic that i really like because it doesn’t romantice the uhealthy relationship between the characters, it characterizes them very well (which is especially laudable in my opinion, especially considering that there are some whose minds we still can not totally understand), the plot is really good and over all is really really well written. As a summary: Bum has amnesia and Sangwoo, after realizing that he has fallen in love, takes advantage of it pretending that they are married; from there it develops everything that Bum lives from waking until he realizes that something strange is happening, and seeks to escape.

Another fic that i liked is from Yuri on Ice, On My Love. It is so well written and full of feelings that i cant even think clearly. Just read it please, the plot is so iteresting and i literally cried twice. As a summary:Yuuri has an accident and wakes up young again, in a world where he does not know Victor (his beloved husband) and dode has not yet made a career in figure skating. Many feelings.

I actually need to catch up with both fic yet oops 

Ok. Estas van a ser respuestas diferentes por razones obvias. Últimamente he leído mucho de latin hetalia so:

Arranquemos del invierno de rantingprince me gustó mucho. Lo estaba leyendo en clases y me sentí embargada por sentimientos de nostalgia y a la vez una enorme calidad en mi pecho. Si alguna vez le ha leido dabrán que redacta muy bien y su estilo fluye y te hace flotar. Muy recomendado, no tiene un gran plot pero sí mucho sentimiento.

Seguimos dando Vueltas de Iris también muy recomendado, me la sufrí toda leyendo (ppor Martín y por Manu y por todo), pero fue tan lindo al mismo tiempo como todas las heridas fueron sanando y ambos encontraron en el otro lo que necesitaban. Claro que para entender van a tener que leerse La Mansión Prado primero, pero tbh ambos son tan tan buenos que me lo van a terminar agradeciendo.

Y ya que estoy en esto, hay versiones traducidas al español de On My Love de Yuuri on Ice, que no sé cuán buenas sean. Pero si lograron captar la mitad de la belleza de ese fic, entonces deben leerlo. En serio.

9) What do your family members and/or partner think about you being into fandoms (and writing fics or drawing fanarts if you do so)? Are they supportive? / ¿Qué piensan los miembros de tu familia y/o pareja de que estes en fandoms (y escribiendo fics o dibujando fanarts, si lo haces)? ¿Te apoyan?

My family doesn’t even now what a fandom is and they don’t know that I write fics, neither I want to tell them. I’m not sure, but they probably would not be very supportive (not for the writing part but for writing about gay otps). Also, I’m single af lol.

Mi familia ni siquiera sabe qué es un fandom y no saben que yo escribo fics, ni tampoco quiero contarles. No estoy segura, pero probablemente no me brindarán mucho apoyo (no por la parte de escribir, sino porque escribo sobre gays). Y soy super soltera lol.

10) Your top 3 fav characters ever? / ¿Tus 3  personajes favoritos de la vida?

After a long time of reflection I have decided that my fave of all time is Fitz Chivalry Farseer from The Farseer Trilogy because he is so useless but at the same time he tries so hard, and I suffer so much each time I read him to the point that I already feel that he is a part of me now (but I’m always changing of mind tho, since The Fool is so bold and sarcastic, and every time he opens his mouth I can not stop smiling, it’s really hard to choose between these two).

My second is Merlin from BBC Merlin. He is such a cinammon roll and his smile is so beautiful and he always tries to hep people and also he is so sarcastic too. If I was not so emotionally engaged with Fitz after reading so many pages of him, Merlin would be my number one. And honestly he is my number one of all the tv shows I’ve seen. I love him.

Finally, I’m going to choose Wonder Woman both as my favorite female character and favorite superhero (I’m sorry spidey, you are my second tho, and I still love you). I literally cried on every single fight scene because I felt really empowered and after watching it I wanted to kick some asses tbh. To this day I still smile when I remember the movie. And she is so strong and smart and kind, it is impossible to not love her.

Ugh, I left so many of my faves outside. This was hard.

.

Después de un largo tiempo de reflexión, he decidido que mi favorito de todos los tiempos es Trapié Hidalgo Vatídico de la Trilogía de Vatídico porque es tan inútil, pero al mismo tiempo se esfuerza tanto, y yo sufro demasiado cada vez que lo leo, al punto que ya siento que él es parte de mí ahora (pero siempre estoy cambiando de opinión, porque Bufón es tan atrevido y sarcástico, y cada vez que abre la boca no puedo parar de sonreir, es realmente difícil elegir entre estos dos).

Mi segundo es Merlin de BBC Merlin. Es un cinammon roll, y su sonrisa es tan hermosa, y siempre trata de ayudar a la gente, y también es tan sarcástico. Si no estuviera tan emocionalmente comprometida con Fitz después de leer tantas páginas de él, Merlín sería mi número uno. Y, sinceramente, él es mi número uno de todos los programas de televisión que he visto. Me encanta.

Finalmente, voy a elegir a la Mujer Maravilla como mi personaje femenino favorito y superhéroe favorito (lo siento spidey, tú eres mi segundo de todos modos, y aún te amo). Literalmente lloré en cada escena de pelea porque me sentí realmente empoderada y después de verla quise patear algunos traseros tbh. Hasta el día de hoy todavía sonrío cuando recuerdo la película. Y ella es tan fuerte, inteligente y amable que es imposible no amarla.

Ugh, dejé a muchos de mis favoritos afuera. Esto fue dificil.

11) Tell us 3 fun facts about yourself / Cuéntanos 3 datos divertidos sobre ti

-I have a little mole under my right eye that I find cute / Tengo un pequeño lunar bajo mi ojo derecho que encuentro lindo.

-I’m really into women’s political issues and I want to work on that area / Realmente me interesan las cuestiones políticas de las mujeres y quiero trabajar en esa área.

-I used to be blonde, now I’m brunette / Solía ser rubia, ahora tengo el pelo castaño.

And now I’m tagging: @a-pair-of-iris, @leochamposa, @coloresfrios, @bluebirdinatree, @pico-sour, @lemonmilk1, @im-a-boat, @veektahr @mardeleste y @dinosauria–anacleta

To answer these questions / Para responder estas preguntas: 

1) What is your favorite song and why? (You can choose 2 if it is too hard to only pick one) / ¿Cuál es tu canción favorita y por qué? (Puede elegir 2 si es demasiado difícil elegir solo una)

2) If you had the ability to enter the universe of any story, which one would you choose and why? (You can choose anything: video games, books, comics, movies, etc) / Si tuvieras la capacidad de entrar al universo de alguna historia, ¿cuál elegirías y por qué? (Puedes escoger cualquier cosa: videojuegos, libros, comics, películas, etc)

3) Tell me, what are your top 3 favorite things about yourself / Dime, ¿cuáles son tus 3 cosas favoritas de ti?

4) If you could make a wish without any limits, what would it be? / Si pudieras pedir un deseo sin ningún límite, ¿cuál seria?

5) What would you do if the zombie apocalypse started right now? What is your plan? / ¿Qué harías si el apocalipsis zombie iniciara ahora mismo? ¿Cuál es tu plan?

6) What is your favorite historical time and why? / ¿Cuál es tu época histórica favorita y por qué?

7) What would be your ideal future life? / ¿Cuál sería tu vida futura ideal?

8) Your top 5 writers evers and why? (can be both books and fanfics) / ¿Tus 5 escritorxs favoritos de la vida, y por qué? (pueden ser tanto libros como fanfics)

9) Best 2017 memory? / ¿Mejor recuerdo de 2017?

10) Do you have any oc? If so, would you like to tell me a little bit about them? If not, tell me a little about your favorite character ever and why you like them! / ¿Tienes algún oc? Si es así, ¿te gustaría contarme un poco sobre ellos? Si no, cuéntame un poco sobre tu personaje favorito y por qué te gusta!

11) If you could be a magical creature, what would you choose to be and why? How would you look? / Si pudieras ser una criatura mágica, ¿cuál escogerías ser y por qué? ¿Cómo lucirías?

Por supuesto pueden decidir no hacerlo! No hay ninguna obligación (: Espero que se diviertan~

[beautifulrzilience]

“So, why you working at Staples?”

Hey ya’ll! Good afternoon. It feels like I haven’t really been on here (even though I took one day off). I’m still trying to figure out how this whole blogging thing works. When I should blog, how long, how often, etc. At the same time, I don’t want to burn myself out. In addition, I want to make sure that what I am writing about is thoughtful, provocative, and useful. So bare with me if you can.

Today I really feel compelled to talk about hustling while in graduate school. I remember back when I was an undergraduate, our McNair program directors hired this guy Don Asher to come talk to us about graduate school. By the way, if you don’t know what the Ronald E. McNair program is -- LOOK IT UP (It is a program designed for first-generation and/or low income undergraduate students of color who are interested in graduate school but have no idea how to get there. I think a big part of my success in getting into graduate school is thanks to having participated in this program). So I guess this guy was a big deal, some white guy who was being hired by hundreds of programs across the country to give us socially and culturally deprived kids the 411 about how to get to grad school and how to navigate it. I don’t remember much of what he said-except for one thing: hustling. 

He was going on and on about using our talents and creativity to find ways to make extra money while in graduate school, since even if we were to get fully funded in a program, it wasn’t going to be enough to sustain ourselves financially. And so when I first matriculated into UC Berkeley, and I realized my single studio was going to cost me $1,200 a month, plus a monthly $80 fee for my parking spot, $400 for groceries, my $390 car note, gas, living expenses etc. -- I also realized that the $1,500 a month I was getting from being a Graduate Student Instructor was not going to cut it.

So you’d think that of course I was going to naturally look for jobs that would boost my CV (curriculum vitae; a.k.a academic resume) up, which would mean searching for jobs that were relevant to academia. After all, I was a Doctoral Graduate Student at UC Berkeley. However, after being constantly stiffled with the elitism of students and faculty at Berkeley, I decided that I would look for a non-academic job. I just didn’t want to be around academics all day. They can be stuffy. I wanted to be somewhere where I could be my ‘authentic’ self. Talk about Love & Hip Hop and Bad Girls Club--talk shit--keep it real about life--you feel me?

So I thought, “Hmm, what are my options?” Well I knew what working in retail was like (since I was 16 I began working as a grocery bagger at Ralph’s Grocery store in Newport Beach,CA), maybe I’d try working somewhere (not in the grocery store business because I promised if I didn’t have to--I’d never go back--talk about humbling experience) where I could get some perks. Perhaps, Sephora (at the time I had discovered my love for makeup), or maybe Victoria Secrets (that’s before I knew how they exploited incarcerated peoples for their labor). But in the end, I randomly ended up getting hired at the Staples right across my studio. 

I know, STAPLES.

But let me tell you the story of how it happened-- how this came into fruition--and how this in itself was-and has been another humbling and rewarding experience. Because not only did it serve as a motivation to keep pushing through in school, but I also realized that some of the smartest people I know end up working at Staples. Some of these people are some of my closest friends I have. Friends that have become more like extended family. 

(from left to right: Napoleon Davila (my gay best friend), Joel Jara (my viejo who I had to force to be my best friend), Mary Giovanetti (my Italian Jersey girl), and Adam Vargas (you just gotta talk to him for 5 minutes--he a crazy one) This was my going away party at some bar in Berkeley, CA)

So one day I headed down to Staples because I needed a planner so I could manage my time efficiently (because at the graduate level, things can get a little hectic with all the responsibilities you end up having as a graduate student). As I find the isle I needed, there was a big hefty Black man on this ladder organizing some of the store’s merchandise. I guess he noticed that I was having a hard time deciding between the planners and asked me if I needed help. I looked up (I was sitting on the floor at this point and had a handful of different planners in front of me) and asked him, “Which one do you think is cuter?” He started laughing and his laugh was contagious so I started laughing and I told him, “I know, I know but I’m serious.” I don’t remember how things unfolded but we started chopping it up right then and there. We talked about issues pertaining to the Black and Latino community. At some point I remember interrupting him and asked, “Dude, what are you doing here? You’re so smart you should be in school!” That’s when he disclosed some of his personal life history and his struggles growing up in the Bay Area as a young Black brotha. 

I don’t know what compelled me to ask, but I did anyways, “Hey do you know if they’re hiring here?” in which he replied, “Yes we are.” So I asked, “Where’s the manager?” “I am the manager, stop by tomorrow for an interview.” I thanked him, finally picked a planner, went up to the front desk and paid for my shit and walked home. The next day I showed up for my interview, which turned out to be super informal. I’m never going to forget it, “Listen I already knew I was going to hire you, this is just for formalities. You have a great attitude and personality and we could use some of that to change the culture around here. You’re hired.”  LOL I know! Just like that, I ended up landing a job as a cashier at Staples in downtown Berkeley, CA. Who knew me going in there just to buy a planner for school would result in me getting the perfect part-time job that was right across from my place. Talk about convenient. 

The beginning was a little awkward for me. Getting adjusted to this type of work. Again, I had been used to working in a predominantly white and rich community in Southern California and as a grocery bagger at that. But things got better and I quickly befriended the people at my store. Before I knew it, I found myself at Staples quite often hanging out even if I wasn’t on the clock. Eventually I ended up transferring to the Copy and Print Center and that’s when things really took off. You could hear my hyena cackles from across the store. That’s how the “CC Krew & Allies” was born. Some of the funnest, memorable memories I have are with these people. When I got accepted into CUNY, I knew that meant having to say bye (not forevaa) to my homies at (what’s now called) the Print & Marketing Center and at Staples and I would transfer to the Staples that coincidentally enough (or not, maybe it’s just destiny) was going to be right down the street from my new studio. But I wasn’t sure if I would actually go through with the transfer because I just thought about what it would take to build a new family in a different place, and my heart just didn’t want to.

But fast forward to today, August 25th 2017, I made the decision to go through with my transfer  to the Staples out here in Harlem, NY. I thought it was going to be a hassle and it wasn’t. So I take it as a good sign. I’m open to making new family connections out here in the East Coast. I know I got a good job as a researcher for The Safe Return Project back in Richmond, CA (who were so generous to let me work away from Cali), and I am a Research Assistant for a professor for John Jay, but there’s a unique opportunity of familial kinship at Staples. And as far as sustaining myself through grad school, as my mom told me this morning, “Muy bueno hija, para que tengas un poco de dinero extra..” (Translation: “This is good baby girl, you’ll have some extra money coming in). My rent out here is $1,500 a month. I will be spending $115 a month on the train (a.k.a bart for my Bay area folks) for transportation... food.. clothes etc. 

The reality is folks, that for us People of Color, we have to hustle. That’s the name of the game. Nicki Minaj isn’t going to always pay our loans or our college tuition. Drake isn’t going to fund our research so that we don’t have to work. We have to constantly be hustling and grinding to make our educational aspirations a reality. 

And as a working class Woman of Color, I know this game all too well. I’m literally living the “American Dream.” From cleaning houses at the age of five with my mom in the upper echelons of Balboa, CA--to bagging groceries in Newport Beach, CA--to working as a cashier at Staples-- even if not the most glamorous jobs, I am grateful that I was able to make some extra cash for myself so that I didn’t have to financially depend on my parents who slave away each and every day to provide for us. I am proud of the hard work ethic my family has instilled in my brother and I. I am never going to be above taking a job at a place like Staples. In the words of one of good friends and mentees Jesse Ruiz, “Stay hungry, stay humble, & pay your dues!” So if you need a copy, hit yo girl up at the Print & Marketing Center. I got you. 

[latina4rmbx]

You’ll Always be my Baby

Ladies:  By a show of hands, how many of you have had sex with your partner because you needed to feel a connection after a rough patch?

Ok, lets pretend I can see those hands :)  i’m sure a good majority of you have. I know I have.

Men:  Same question-Show of hands, sex, partner, rough patch?

We’re still pretending I can see those hands.  I’m sure maybe one has his hand up, and that’s IF he’s the only one brave enough to be honest.

My boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch.  Thankfully, it didn’t last long.  As you may or may not know, I am in an open relationship.  My boyfriend and I have been going through something.  At first it was him and then it was me, but it was over the same person.

If you haven’t read “An Abundance of Love & a Broken Heart,” I suggest you do so now.  

Finished?  Cool.

So, the guy who my boyfriend was so gung ho over, is still in my life.  Our lives. I wrote in the post that we were supposed to go out on Saturday, but that didn’t come to pass.  Circumstances were that he hand to cancel.  It bummed me out, but I understood, I too have been in the same circumstances.  Oh, but my boyfriend had a shit fit.  Boyfriend said that new guy was making excuses and I shouldn’t bother with him anymore.

Now mind you, you saw how I was feeling about the whole thing to begin with.  I like new guy.  I have always liked new guy (and if I said this already, well, I’m repeating it because it’s the truth).  Because I liked new guy, I was different with him, when it came to my boyfriend, than I have ever been with anyone else.  I was more private.  I even told my boyfriend that I was protective of the new guy.  It’s the truth, I am protective over him, because he IS a good guy.

So I allowed myself to ignore my boyfriend when it came to new guy.  That wasn’t fair to my boyfriend.  He definitely made his feelings known.

In order to make an open relationship work, there has to be honesty.  You have to be honest, even if it hurts the other person.  We have to keep the lines of communication open so that the person you’re pledging to be in the relationship with doesn’t feel insecure or unwanted.

The first time I was going to hang out with new guy, I told my boyfriend when I was outside waiting for the Uber to take me to my destination.  I didn’t let my boyfriend know ahead of time and that pissed him off.  So he had a series of questions for me:  The first of which was, “did you hit him?”  For those of you not in the know, when he says “hit,” he means contact.  He’s ghetto from the Bronx, it’s how we speak.

Here is the conversation, via text, thankfully.  It’s very revealing:

BF: I don’t understand. I thought we spoke about him

ME:  What did we speak about him?  (Me playing dumb)

BF:  Nevermind. Did you hit him

ME:  Yeah

BF:  Didn’t I tell u  Not to  Unless he hit you? Hello

ME: Yes you did

BF: Soooo

ME: Sooo

BF: You horny

ME:  I’m curious

BF:  Hmmmmm  Aight

ME:  You’re upset

BF:  No

ME: You are

BF: Enjoy ur night

ME:  First time I don’t listen

BF:  Keep me posted

ME: See what I mean

BF:  I see.  t’s going to be a trend

ME:  A trend?

BF (via voice note): If you ain’t hit him up he probably wouldn’t have fucking hit you up  that’s why I tell you value yourself don’t hit a fuckin’ nigga up unless they hit you up.

I’m going to fast forward a bit because rereading and rehearing it is pissing me off.

BF:  Ima ask u again  Are u horny

ME:  I answered u already

BF:  Fuck curious Yes or no

ME:  You know I won’t lie

BF:  Yes or no

ME: Yes

BF:  Was that hard 

ME: Why do you ask?

BF: wanted to know

ME: for what purpose?

Again I’m fast forwarding because the other crap is boring and more of the same.

BF:  You staying in his crib

ME:  I don’t plan to

BF:  Ima see u when I get off work

FAST FORWARD AGAIN

BF:  You got sexy panties

BF: on

ME: No

ME: Polka dots lol

BF:  Male face palm emoji

BF: Have fun

ME: ok

BF: Suck a mean dick

ME: laughing tears emoji

At this point I’m in the new guys apartment.  We’re sitting drinking and talking.  My boyfriend was not having it and he was texting me.  I told him I was going to leave my phone in my bag so if I didn’t contact him quickly he knew why.  That didn’t go over well.

BF:  Walk yourself out

ME: What the fuck

BF: Stay focused.  your mine  (that’s not a type o, it’s what he wrote.  I love that he spelled it wrong because he knows the right way to spell it.  that’s how annoyed with me he was).

We weren’t good after that night.  There was a series of events that led us to not being good.  I take responsibility for my fault in the situation.  He still hasn’t.  He let me have it, in his own way.  I wasn’t able to respond to his messages because I was driving.  That didn’t sit too well with him because he thought I was ignoring him, yet again.  Even worse, he thought I was ignoring him for the new guy.

So now, every time I take long to respond, he thinks I’m texting with the new guy.  The WYD’s are more frequent.  Like I said, I’m honest, so I’m not going to lie to him, but I don’t want to hurt him again.  It doesn’t mean I’m going to lie.  I can’t stand lies.  Anything I post on social media now gets questioned because he thinks I’m trying to sub him (for those of you that don’t know what the term “subbing” is, it’s when you add a post and it’s supposed to be a subliminal message to someone.)

Here’s one such conversation:

BF:  The whole time u ignoring my text were u texting?

ME: No

BF:  U can be honest

ME: why u keep asking me that

BF: if u were 

ME: I would be honest

This is a huge shift from the confident, swaggerastic man I started with.

BF:  take me back to the night we met para no ir.  Interesting (para no ir means so I won’t go)

ME: Y vas a seguir (and you’re going to continue)

FAST FORWARD AGAIN

BF:  Love me?  u haven’t told me all day

ME: I do love you

BF: Even though i had to ask  to tell me, not like it came out natural

FAST FORWARD AGAIN

BF:  Is he taking my number 1 slot.

He asked me to do something.  Block someone on social.  Now, mind you, I don’t personally know the person he told me to block.  When he said it, it was almost as if he had a remote control and I just did it.  I didn’t think about it or fight back.  Then I realized where the issue was.  He feels he was losing control over me.  I told him:  You are spoiled.  I do give you everything you ask with barely any fight.  HIM:  and that’s my obsession with u.  never been catered (he’s never been catered to)  

Ok, I ended up seeing the new guy again and became distant with my boyfriend again.  I know that I brought this one on myself.  He face timed me and I hung up.  I wasn’t thinking clearly, he literally woke me up and I couldn’t figure out my phone.  Believe me if you want, don’t, if you don’t.  But it pissed him off so much he laughed.  He laughed hard and then became silent.  I don’t like the silent boyfriend.  I need to hear his voice, see his words, know what he’s thinking.  I am also obsessed with him.

I think he thought he was losing me.  He came to see me and he made love to me.  He held me and he kissed me and he looked at me.  Almost as if he were searching for the person he fell in love with.  I’m still in there.  I’m still here.

So, we finally move passed all of our drama and this is our conversation:

ME:  I have way more than your attention sir (winks face emoji)

HIM:  Def do (he sends a video - I forget of what then he says)  I haven’t been hurt in a very long time and your innocent body did just that so u powerful.

I won’t be typing anymore of our conversations, at least on this post, because we have a lot of text convo. Either because I’m at work or he’s at work.  We can’t just speak freely and due to his odd hours, we don’t see each other often, so this bickering between us really put a damper on our relationship.  But his silence...that was something I couldn’t accept.  I needed to know how he was feeling.  I need to know that we are ok.  I needed to make things right.

But I messed up again.  New guy spent the night at my apt and I didn’t contact my boyfriend at all.  This is when he FT’d me in the AM and I hung up on him.  I had a long drive ahead of me, so I was able to get some things off my chest.  I took responsibility for my actions.  I KNOW I was hurting him, but I wasn’t doing it TO hurt him.  I was giving the new guy my undivided attention.  

I explained to my boyfriend that I knew I fucked up and I’m holding myself accountable.  He accused me of justifying my actions by saying I fucked up.  I’ve apologized and elaborated and asked that we move on from this.  However, like a hurt housewife, he has brought it up.  My go to response is to lash out.  “Are we moving passed it?  Are you forgiving me? If it’s no, I need to know so I know how to proceed, but if it’s yes, I don’t want to hear about it again.”

Saying those words to him gave me flashbacks to when I was with my daughters father and I found out he was cheating.  I would always take him back due to my immaturity level and pride.  I would eventually bring up the other women and he’d say the same thing, “If we’re moving passed it, stop bringing it up.”  I felt so bad because I remember how I felt when I heard those words.

I understand that he is hurting and he needs to get it out in the only way he knows how...communication.  I don’t mean to be dismissive of his feelings.  He doesn’t deserve that.  I want him to be himself again.  I want him to love and trust and feel secure with us again.  

Today was a good day.  He’s the one who suggested I write this post.  I told him that I write about him often and he suggested, “you write about when you hurt me.”  I even asked him for help starting it.  BTW, I didn’t start it the way he wanted me to, but i will finish it the way he wanted me to start it.

“So as much as I’m hooked to his swag when I’m around other men I seem to float and (be) careless and enjoy the moment.  Taking it all in.  Having to deal with the consequences later.  Which later u regret of course but at the end, he still wins my heart and love.”

Hey!  I love you with all my butt.

XOXO

Thanks for reading.

[ddtriohub]

Neo’s RP Comforts

RP Comfort Meme A valuable hella long meme for any role-player! Come display your comfort levels so your role-play partners are aware of what they can do, and of what they should avoid! A healthy relationship between role-play partners is the key to a good time! While this meme shows the basics, please remember to communicate with your role-play partners!

Tagged by: Lol I took this from dA honestly. Tagging: Anyone who dares fill out his monstrosity.

RP Basics

RP Methods I am comfortable doing:

im: Chat with me on im or on skype (ask for it) if you wanna! We can like plot or just simply chat~

Asks: I’ve done a few rp’s where they just continue through with asks. If you prefer that, we can do that. ^^

Google Docs: I’m okay with this if you wanna go for that. Most likely if it’s NSFW, i’d opt for docs because of reasons... like, protect the innocent eyes of the young children...reasons. 

.

OOC/Headcanoning/RP Planning Methods

I love to just talk about HC’s and I also just love to plot. I’m very okay with simply winging things as well.

im: Feel free to hit me up on im if you just wanna plot or HC with me. I’m totes mcGoats okay with that.

Asks: I personally do prefer asks because it’s a lot easier for me to hunt through for past conversations rather than on im where I have to scroll forever.

Skype: If you have my skype, if I have my phone near me, I will hear the notification sounds and will answer as soon as I can. If it’s not around me– then i’ll only answer if I happened to be logged onto skype.

. Participants I am comfortable with:

One on one RP’s: These are the easiest for me to work with for obvious of reasons. Much easier for me to keep track of where the thread is and whose turn it is to reply.

Up to three people (including myself): I can manage this

Four or more people: It’ll be a bit harder for me, but I can do this. Please no more than 6 people in a group rp though. TOO MUCH.

. RP Style I am all right with:

Lit/para: This is basically my default and I love it. This is the easiest for me and so i’m very much down with that.

1-3 lines: If you wish for shorter threads, I can do this. For shorter threads, I try to match the best I can. For longer threads, I tend to just write however much feels right to me. ;;;;

[text]: I can do these, though I tend to make them a bit on the long side eventually. OTL

.

Post Length

I usually write about:

1-3 Pragraphs: I do try to stick within this range if I know people are most comfortable with this range.

3-10 paragraphs: This is normally when I get a bit carried away because super duper excited and I wasn’t asked to stay within a certain paragraph limit so whooo!!!!!!

PAGES: I really really really try to not get so long that it takes up pages in microsoft word, but it does happen. Normally for angst threads or AU threads. //coughs. I get uh… really excited sometimes

. Partner Post Length I am comfortable role-playing with people who write:

Dude, you do you boo: You can give me one-liners, all the way up to PAGES upon PAGES worth of a reply. I’ll appreciate the effort you put in and have fun regardless. You don’t have to match me. Just write however much feels right to you. I literally will not get mad at you or anything. I just want everyone to have fun. I personally write however much feels right to me anyways, so you can do the same. Write however much you are comfortable with.

DO NOT GIVE ME LESS THAN 4 WORDS THOUGH, PLEASE.

.

RP Speed

I usually reply:

Within minutes: If i’m online and the thread is relatively short and so I can crank out a reply in no time.

Within a day: Probably got to replying after I get back from work. I have a full time job that I work from 8-5 so during that time frame, I can check the blog during breaks but I can’t reply.

Within the same week: If it ever takes me longer than 48 hours to reply, I either just took a break, i’m feeling lazy, or it took me that long to realize I never replied.

Within a month: I’m probably either very busy, I’m being lazy because ‘oh wow such a long thread… maybe tomorrow’ and the cycle repeats. || ‘Oh snap! I thought I replied to this! OMG OMG OMG SO SORRY!’

Longer than a month: I probably am being lazy and lost my motivation. Most likely the reply is hella long and i’m just trying to recharge myself. || ‘It’s my turn? WUT? I thought it was yours! OMG SO SORRY!!!!’

Sporadic: I’m probably just doing all kinds of stuff so don’t be surprised if I’m real active, suddenly disappear, and then get real active again. I do that. || ‘I’m hoarding this reply until a later date either because you asked me to hoard it, or because I just want to hoard it for my own reasons’

.

I expect my partner to reply:

Dude, you do you boo: I understand you can lose muse for a thread, or that you just lose muse in general. I also totally understand that people have busy lives. Just reply whenever you feel up for it. I’ll wait however long you need to.

.

Role-play Requests

The people I’ll take rp requests from:

DID YA READ MY RULES?: If you are a part of the group and you read my rules, then hella, hit me up and we can rp!

.

Expectations

I expect my RP partner to:

Have read my rules.

Use punctuation marks: At the very least use “” if you won’t be using any punctuation. You don’t have to have perfect grammar or whatever, because even I struggle with it, but at LEAST add paragraph breaks and quotation marks, otherwise i’ll struggle super hard.

My Activity: Understand that I work full-time so I can’t reply during work hours. Sometimes I get tired after work and am not feeling up to replying after I return. I also have a shitty sleeping schedule. Understand that I can’t rp 24/7. I will at least try to reply within 48 hours if I can. If you can’t respect that, I don’t think we can rp together.

.

Romantic Relationships

** Important: Communication is the key to a real life relationship, it shouldn’t be abandoned for a fictional on either! Be sure to talk to your partners when considering romance! Shipping I am comfortable shipping my characters:

With chemistry: I need to feel a ‘vibe’ between the two characters. Like something in my gut that tells me they’ll work together well. If I don’t feel it, I can’t force myself into shipping with anyone. I cannot just jump into a ship. I personally can’t do that and Haru wouldn’t appreciate it. Unless I feel the two characters can get along well, I won’t ship wit anyone.

With considerable interaction: I will not ship with anyone after just having one thread with them. I personally prefer a gradual build up. I need there to be a good amount of interaction between the muses for me to gauge how well I think they can be together.

.

If you want to ship with my characters:

Interaction/chemistry: Ensure there is a decent amount of interaction between our muses and for there to be chemistry between them.

Ask: Just ask me how I feel about shipping and i’ll give you the honest truth.

HC’s/Angst: Understand that shipping with me means that I WILL throw HC’s at you left and right. I do not stop. I am a tornado of random ideas and I WILL BURY YOU WITH THEM. I will probably also throw angst at you because it FUELS MY VERY SOUL. If you don’t like angst, I will refrain.

.

NSFW material

NSFW material i’m comfortable with:

Violence/blood: I doubt it’ll happen, but I won’t fight it if it does.  I’m sorry to say that i’m not very good at writing out action and violence. OTL

NSFW Material i’m okay with:

Smut: I am a shy bean okayyyyyyyyy? I don’t know if I can/will smut on tumblr but if I do, just know the first time will consist of me CRYING IN THE TAGS. Most likely i’ll cry at you and ask to move this to docs because i’m hella mega SHYYYY. Though if you manage to keep me on tumblr for the first time, I’ll become comfortable and it’s free game from there. ((By ‘first time’ I mean the first I rp smut with anyone. lol It’s like an initiation lololol))

[queenharumiura]

Neo’s RP Comforts

RP Comfort Meme A valuable hella long meme for any role-player! Come display your comfort levels so your role-play partners are aware of what they can do, and of what they should avoid! A healthy relationship between role-play partners is the key to a good time! While this meme shows the basics, please remember to communicate with your role-play partners!

Tagged by: Lol I took this from dA honestly.  Tagging: Anyone who dars fill out his monstrosity.

RP Basics

RP Methods I am comfortable doing:

im: Chat with me on im or on skype (ask for it) if you wanna! We can like plot or just simply chat~

Asks: I’ve done a few rp’s where they just continue through with asks. If you prefer that, we can do that. ^^

Skype:I used to rp more on skype, but I don’t really know with how skype is just...non-functional. I can use it to rp though. 

Google Docs: I’m okay with this if you wanna go for that. Most likely if it’s NSFW, i’d opt for docs because of reasons. 

.

OOC/Headcanoning/RP Planning Methods

I love to just talk about HC’s and I also just love to plot. I’m very okay with simply winging things as well. 

im: Feel free to hit me up on im if you just wanna plot or HC with me. I’m totes mcGoats okay with that. 

Asks: I personally do prefer asks because it’s a lot easier for me to hunt through for past conversations rather than on im where I have to scroll forever. 

Skype: If you have my skype, if I have my phone near me, I will hear the notification sounds and will answer as soon as I can. If it’s not around me-- then i’ll only answer if I happened to be logged onto skype.

. Participants I am comfortable with:

One on one RP’s: These are the easiest for me to work with for obvious of reasons. Much easier for me to keep track of where the thread is and whose turn it is to reply. 

Up to three people (including myself): I can manage this

Four or more people: Ehh;;; I can try but that’ll be difficult for me to keep track of. I’d rather not. 

. RP Style I am all right with:

Lit/para: This is basically my default and I love it. This is the easiest for me and so i’m very much down with that. 

1-3 lines: If you wish for shorter threads, I can do this. For shorter threads, I try to match the best I can. For longer threads, I tend to just write however much feels right to me. ;;;;

[text]: I can do these, though I tend to make them a bit on the long side eventually. OTL

.

Post Length

I usually write about:

1-3 Pragraphs: I do try to stick within this range if I know people are most comfortable with this range. 

3-10 paragraphs: This is normally when I get a bit carried away because super duper excited and I wasn’t asked to stay within a certain paragraph limit so whooo!!!!!!

PAGES: I really really really try to not get so long that it takes up pages in microsoft word, but it does happen. Normally for angst threads or AU threads. //coughs. I get uh... really excited sometimes

. Partner Post Length I am comfortable role-playing with people who write:

Dude, you do you boo: You can give me one-liners, all the way up to PAGES upon PAGES worth of a reply. I’ll appreciate the effort you put in and have fun regardless. You don’t have to match me. Just write however much feels right to you. I literally will not get mad at you or anything. I just want everyone to have fun. I personally write however much feels right to me anyways, so you can do the same. Write however much you are comfortable with. 

DO NOT GIVE ME LESS THAN 4 WORDS THOUGH, PLEASE.

.

RP Speed

I usually reply:

Within minutes: If i’m online and the thread is relatively short and so I can crank out a reply in no time. 

Within a day: Probably got to replying after I get back from work. I have a full time job that I work from 8-5 so during that time frame, I can check the blog during breaks but I can’t reply. 

Within the same week: If it ever takes me longer than 48 hours to reply, I either just took a break, i’m feeling lazy, or it took me that long to realize I never replied. 

Within a month: I’m probably either very busy, I’m being lazy because ‘oh wow such a long thread... maybe tomorrow’ and the cycle repeats. || ‘Oh snap! I thought I replied to this! OMG OMG OMG SO SORRY!’

Longer than a month: I probably am being lazy and lost my motivation. Most likely the reply is hella long and i’m just trying to recharge myself. || ‘It’s my turn? WUT? I thought it was yours! OMG SO SORRY!!!!’

Sporadic: I’m probably just doing all kinds of stuff so don’t be surprised if I’m real active, suddenly disappear, and then get real active again. I do that. 

.

I expect my partner to reply:

Dude, you do you boo: I understand you can lose muse for a thread, or that you just lose muse in general. I also totally understand that people have busy lives. Just reply whenever you feel up for it. I’ll wait however long you need to. 

Within 2 years: I’ve waited a year for a reply before and I was totally okay with it. 2 years is pushing it a bit as i’m likely to forget a lot of stuff, but I’ll just re-read the thread if it comes to that. 

.

Role-play Requests

The people I’ll take rp requests from: 

Mutualship: Are we mutuals? If you hit me up with a request, i’ll take you on! We’re not mutuals?

Non-mutuals: Wanna rp? Hit me up. If you are an rp blog and you followed me there is a 95% chance i’ll follow back. The 5% chance is if I falsely believed you to not be a rp blog.

OCs: I accept OCs. Whether you are a self-insert or whatever, I don’t care. Just read my rules and abide by them, and we’re good. I’ll take anyone on. 

Charas from other series: You don’t have to be from KHR, I’ll RP with you anyways. That’s what AU’s are for, right? Or simply just winging it. I don’t care. If you wanna rp with me, i’ll give you a shot~

ANYONE WHO ADORES HARU: As long as you tell me that you like Haru, I will throw her at you. Let’s rp, friend!!!

.

Expectations

I expect my RP partner to:

Have read my rules.

Use punctuation marks: At the very least use “” if you won’t be using any punctuation. You don’t have to have perfect grammar or whatever, because even I struggle with it, but at LEAST add paragraph breaks and quotation marks, otherwise i’ll struggle super hard.

My Activity: Understand that I work full-time so I can’t reply during work hours. Sometimes I get tired after work and am not feeling up to replying after I return. I also have a shitty sleeping schedule. Understand that I can’t rp 24/7. I will at least try to reply within 48 hours if I can. If you can’t respect that, I don’t think we can rp together.

.

Romantic Relationships

** Important: Communication is the key to a real life relationship, it shouldn't be abandoned for a fictional on either! Be sure to talk to your partners when considering romance! Shipping I am comfortable shipping my characters:

With chemistry: I need to feel a ‘vibe’ between the two characters. Like something in my gut that tells me they’ll work together well. If I don’t feel it, I can’t force myself into shipping with anyone. I cannot just jump into a ship. I personally can’t do that and Haru wouldn’t appreciate it. Unless I feel the two characters can get along well, I won’t ship wit anyone. 

With considerable interaction: I will not ship with anyone after just having one thread with them. I personally prefer a gradual build up. I need there to be a good amount of interaction between the muses for me to gauge how well I think they can be together. 

AU: If it’s for the sake of an AU, then i’m okay with shipping then, but I won’t consider it a canon ship of the blog. If you’d like for it to be, discuss it with me.

.

If you want to ship with my characters:

Interaction/chemistry: Ensure there is a decent amount of interaction between our muses and for there to be chemistry between them. 

Ask: Just ask me how I feel about shipping and i’ll give you the honest truth. 

HC’s/Angst: Understand that shipping with me means that I WILL throw HC’s at you left and right. I do not stop. I am a tornado of random ideas and I WILL BURY YOU WITH THEM. I will probably also throw angst at you because it FUELS MY VERY SOUL. If you don’t like angst, I will refrain. 

     -    Abuse/toxic: I absolutely do not condone this and cannot and WILL NOT do this. I’ve had my own experiences with different kinds of abuse or toxic friendships, so I cannot handle these on any level. They really bother me and scare me. If you want a toxic relationship, I am not your gal.

.

NSFW material 

NSFW material i’m comfortable with: 

Violence: I mean, this is the KHR-verse. It’s bound to happen. I’m sorry to say that i’m not very good at writing out action and violence. OTL

Blood: I think this is a separate category? I mean, this is just territory with the series she’s from so--ye. If Haru is going to end up hurt, i’ll be sad for her, but I’d totally do it. Angst threads, here I come.

NSFW Material i’m okay with:

Smut: I am a shy bean okayyyyyyyyy? I don’t know if I can/will smut on tumblr but if I do, just know the first time will consist of me CRYING IN THE TAGS. Most likely i’ll cry at you and ask to move this to docs because i’m hella mega SHYYYY. Though if you manage to keep me on tumblr for the first time, I’ll become comfortable and it’s free game from there. ((By ‘first time’ I mean the first I rp smut with anyone. lol It’s like an initiation lololol))

Torture: Again, this is KHR-verse. This is to be expected. I’m not very good at writing this out though... so I’d likely refrain from trying-- but I so can.

[peltzwritesarchive-blog]

coolest plots

mm, so you know, there’s a million i could talk about? because i love a lot of our plots buuuut i’m going to try to keep it to a few. (but since i’m trash, we both know i’ll talk about 03840284023)

first, i’ll admit that i really, really dig sawyer and allison. like, maybe a huge part of why i have such an insane soft spot for them is because they were our first but like, it’s more than that? they have had such an intense journey and ngl i still go back to creep their early stuff just because they’ve come so far? when we first picked them up, allison was so hesitant on love because she’d had such a rough journey in life because of what happened with her parents, and sawyer was the guy who wasn’t looking for love because he didn’t know what love was. they both had such messy backstories and had such a guard up- and slowly, they started to let each other in and it grew to be this beautiful relationship. like, i’m going to get cheesy for a second but it was this ship that made me realize how beautiful and in-depth our ships could be, because they were partners, in every sense of the word. every trial they endured, they did so together and they were always, always in each other’s corners. plus, i mean... sawyer became a better person because of ally, and he grew to be this total sap who has a dog, and built his wife a fucking house secretly so that he could surprise her with it on christmas. aND HE PROPOSED DURING SEX, MY PRINCE. and then they had a million babies, so yes, definitely my favorite.

the second favorite i have is actually arthur and rose, simply because like... their start was so negative, like he hated her and then one day, they didn’t hate each other. they grew to be each other’s best friends, talking each other through their relationship problems with other people and having platonic kisses (lol when were they ever platonic really) and like... in a way, arthur’s her hero. he’s saved her from every dark moment, and i like to think in a way, they save each other every day. because they don’t struggle with their demons anymore, and it’s actually really beautiful if you ask me???

third third third i really like the plot we did with cameron and nyx??? it’s funny because we started them during a really dark time but like, even in that time, they were still beautiful. like, i remember early on in their ship where she was fresh off of being a crazy partier and thought that cam was too good for her, while he was struggling with the same thing. and i just, as you can see above, i have a very soft spot for ships that save each other, and lift each other up, and that’s the most apt description of cam and nyx that i could ever give you. i know that we don’t do them too terribly often but i have such a soft spot for them, and ngl that’s why nyx is one of my favorite opposites that i’ve ever had with you.

apparently i’m just going to get sappy as fuck but basically, i could go on forever about why i adore the plot with forest and melanie. as you know, i had a lot of ideas about forest when i first played him and for reasons, those plans didn’t work out. and ngl, i’ll admit i was bummed out for a long time because like, i wanted to develop forest from the point i left him at in novella. he’d just lost his mom, and he was homeless, crashing at his best friend’s house and one of my biggest frustrations about how that rp ended up was like, i didn’t get to play around with that side of him and i was expected to just keep the sassy bastard from london. but when you proposed melest (WHICH I’M SO ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR, MIND YOU), you did so by offering to continue the dynamic i’d left him in. he was still crashing at eric’s house and he found love with his best friend’s little sister - and like, it’s so strange because they have some of the best chemistry of any ship i’ve had with anyone, ever, and like... why didn’t they come to light in the rp???? literally the fact that we weren’t pals then is sO FRUSTRATING BECAUSE WE COULD’VE HAD IT ALL, AND WE COULD’VE STARTED MELEST TWO YEARS BEFORE WE DID. rip rip rip but yes i love them, and i love that we made something beautiful out of two characters everyone else discarded :*

next, i’d have to say that aurora and ezra are one of my favorites. like i’ve said before, finding the perfect opposite for aurora took a while but like, it’s like that book where goldilocks tries a million chairs, porridge, and beds, because like... finally, we found something that was just right. like, this is another ship where i secretly go back and creep their shit all the time, simply because there’s so much passion and pain and like, we have a fucking second verse for them that makes me cry, because it’s such a sign of how inevitable this ship is. they’re soulmates and no matter what plot, or time, we’ve thrown them in, they’ve found their way to each other - and not to mention, they gave birth to some amazing children, who i love love love. like, in a way, i’m really happy that we picked these babies up late because there’s no negative history with them. they didn’t suffer the dark times, but they were a sign that we were finally back to where we needed to be, because they’ve been epic. they’ve been beautiful, and ngl they’re hot as fucking hell let me tell you

rip... because like, i’ve talked about so many ships and you’re gonna kill me but i’m not done yet. basically, you know i love sebastian and chloe. you know i love them, but a part of why i love them so much is because of the ooc things. when i wrote these characters for devlin, we weren’t in a great place. we weren’t and i’ll admit, i didn’t have high hopes. i was thoroughly convinced that you were going to leave and never talk to me again, and i was all prepared to not love this ship, but somehow, i fell in love with it anyways. i fell in love with the way you write, the way your words make me have this visceral reaction to hug your character, the way you show progression in your characters with every word or text or anything else - and you showed me a reason not to give up on us. sebastian and chloe were a ship that i never expected to want as badly as i did, yet when we were writing their breakup para - you gave that moment where we were like ‘ fuck, we can’t break them up’ and it was so fucking symbolic of where i was with you at the time. because no matter what was happening with us, i couldn’t fucking give you up either. and yeah, i’m emotional now so imma skip off to the next one!!!

adelaide and ryan 😍  you know that these two are my darlings, simply because they were one of our first 1x1s. i still hate damon, this nonexistent prick, but like, let me tell you, i’m such a sucker for the ships where there’s been this longstanding love between them. because you know. i’m a little bit of a sucker for soulmate love - i’ve never made that a secret, but essentially, these babies hurt me a lot and it’s so skdhskhf. i’ve been trying to get through this thing without keysmashing and i guess i just failed, but i’m still remembering when ryan took adelaide for a date in san francisco, and realized he was really, really fucking in love with her. and i cry because yeah, he had to watch her with his best friend for years after the bitch stole the girl he’d been crazy for, and he still waited for her. my prince would wait a lifetime for her though, if i’m being honest... rip

another plot that i absolutely adore (and i know you do too because it sparked a damn multi-muse) is carson and clover. their plot is especially hard because like, they’ve been more or less together for years and like, he wants so badly to just marry her? like he’s planned out their proposal a million times, genuinely, but keeps holding off because he doesn’t think it’s fair to tie her down when there’s a chance he’ll never come home. and like, it kills me because she wants to marry him so badly and he wants it too but until one of them can compromise, they’re going to be at this standstill kshdksh i cry

i’m trying to keep this short (and failing) but another plot i have a really big soft spot for is hartley and liam. they’re a ship that, yet again, i didn’t expect to love so much. because like, they started during a drunken game of never have i ever and there were uh, complications that i shall not go into for now 😇  but i’m still really emotional remembering about how when they were going to spend the summer in california, liam was going to go with her to visit her dad for the first time in like ten years, and she was going to help him track his down. and it just makes me really emotional because like, these are two people who taught each other how to love - and they were each other’s first loves, plain and simple. it’s beautiful, and ngl one of my favorite, favorite paras we’ve done for them was the one where hartley admitted she was pregnant because the way he supported her, despite being really young, was amazing. so so amazing

another one of our early ships that is special to me is nicolette and sebastian. they were super early in our shipping history and i remember how pissed the admins were that we were leaning towards it because aPPARENTLY OUR CHILDREN WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER. but as per usual, once we get started, no one can stop us. sometimes i want to kick nicolette for the fact that it took her so long to realize how she felt about sebastian? because like, homegirl had the perfect guy sitting right in front of her for her entire lIFE AND DIDN’T SEE IT, THIS IDIOT and it took her almost losing him to realize what she wanted. never mind the fact that she basically risked getting fired from her contract at gtv to chase him back to paris because she couldn’t handle him losing her. like, i know nicolette made so many mistakes but i love them?? because they both make each other better people

last but not least, i can’t talk about my favorite plots/ships without talking about noah and maeve. like, their beginning was so quinnessentially noah, with this idiot knocking into her and spilling his drink all over her dress but like, the fact that this society princess still wanted to give my poor child a chance is nothing short of magical. because she’s so fucking beautiful and he’s such a mess, like a lil floppy mess, and somehow, he still captured her heart anyways. sometimes i laugh because like, noah is genuinely so awful at being smooth (this is the boy who told her that he loved her the first time via text oVER DEADPOOL OF ALL THINGS) but still, he loves her more than words can say. and like, he’s always been this guy who was in someone’s shadow, whether it be arthur’s or jaxon’s and somehow... for the first time, someone wanted him. he wasn’t the second option or the sidekick. because of maeve, he got to feel like the hero and let me tell you, that’s not something my prince would trade for anything in the world.

and there you have a novel of my love for you, you’re welcome!!

[godsandvillainsrpg-blog]

Congratulations, PHEOBE! You have been accepted as CATERINA GIORDANO.

Note from Admin Jade: Caterina is truly chaos personified, and you did such a wonderful job of showing me both who she is, and why she is. You managed to reflect the influence of nearly every member of her family in your application, and I’m telling you, it’s got me feeling pretty shook up. From her loathing of the weak souls who bore her, to the one soft spot that exists for her sister, to the fact that her only semblance of routine is one imposed on her by Stefano, you completely understand the way the girl’s upbringing has shaped her present and future. You showed me just how primal she is, ruled by the powerful emotions she feels far too strongly — with a sprinkle of just how twisted her mind can be when allowed to roam free. I’m admittedly a bit terrified of her, in the absolute best possible way. I’m thrilled to welcome you and Cat to the GAV family!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Name: Phoebe, but do not hesitate to address me as Pheebs.

Age: 18 years (19 in May)

Preferred Pronouns: She/Her

Timezone: GMT+10 yas she is aussie

Activity Level: I would say I would be able to definitely make it only every second day, if not every day. When I join new rp groups they tend to take up my life and I get way to invested and care about their life more than my own, i thrive for the drama. To give a number, I would say a 6-7 out of 10?

Triggers: REMOVED

Anything Else? Lowkey blessed that you guys took your time getting out the bios and not rushing because i was able to come back from Europe in time for opening lol

IN CHARACTER

Desired Character: I know ya’ll assumed it would be Alessia but SIKE IT’S CATERINA GIORDANO (i fell full in love but who knows you might get multiple apps off me I’m a wild card ya kno)

Describe this character in your own words: As we all know, a person’s backstory is so important to their character and that remains true with Caterina, and to me, I interpret that the most significant part of Caterina’s history is her relationship with her family; specifically her mother. I could write another few paragraphs about the impact her relationships with her siblings shape her but that will come through so much stronger in her character development in the rp as she interacts with her half-brother and sister on the dashboard so right now I want to focus on her mother. As you guys created, she is literally the polar opposite of her mother. Everything that her mother is, Caterina wanted to be reverse of that. When she watched her mother, all Caterina saw was weakness, vulnerability. And being of the Giordano family, knowing all too well of exactly what her aunt and uncle were up to, her mother embarrassed her. How could any self-respecting woman allow herself to be so open to command? How could she even be a mother to Caterina and to Bella if the damn woman couldn’t even leave the house without her father’s approval? Not for Caterina, she would never be like that. And don’t even get me started on her father. To Caterina, who thrives off the game her uncle built, who looks into the eye of destruction and licks her lips, who would literally go to no stop to reign supreme in the name of chaos, her father all but walked away from the opportunity. Her parents are weak. Weak is a word Caterina never wants to be associated with, and the reason of that lives in her DNA. She was raised by weak, and she only came out stronger than both of her parents put together. If anything, the only time Caterina’s eyes brightened up in the conversation with her father was when he spoke of his first wife, Adelia. Caterina felt like she was robbed of the vicious mother that Stefano got to be the spawned from. At least he got to have at least one respectable parent.

There’s a line from Caterina’s biography “she’s the kind that laughs at your pain, and cries at your happiness.” I literally would go ride and die with this. Cat, as stated, is a very primal character. I wouldn’t place Cat as being the type of girl who has no emotions, no. Caterina’s emotions are powerful. They’re passionate, and strong and the size of fucking tsunamis. I view Cat as a very jealous person, when it says cries at your happiness, she is literally the type that when an other succeeds at anything, something that has nothing to do with Cat or her motives, it still drives her insane. Another person’s success is another threat to Caterina and her ambition. When someone else is smiling, she wants to take it away. She’s the destruction, she’s the hurricane. She’s Caterina fucking Giordano and she is what you are afraid of.

I live for the quality in Caterina that drives on impulse. She isn’t like Stefano, who is calculative and thinks his actions through; she is like a lion in the jungle. When she sees her prey she will lunge and rip into its throat before she has time to think anything else about it. Her actions strive purely on instinct, and that’s why she’s so lethal. Granted, you have to be wary of those who plan their attacks, who take time to think it through and know exactly where to bite; which is why her and Stefano make such a powerful team. But who wants to be inside a cage with a loose jaguar and not know at what moment they decide it’s time to kill you?

What are this character’s motives? What drives this character? What are their goals? It’s the fire inside Caterina that creates such a chaotic character and her own ambition that feeds the flame. Her main goal is to lead the empire her family built. She is the only one who could master the game better than the creator himself. Her aggressive emotions and her undeniable love for chaos would lead the Giordano name further into history and not leave any cracks in the mix for anyone to screw up their family again, as her uncle had already allowed. Caterina and Stefano are a team, as fearless and unpredictable as the girl might be, she wouldn’t abandon the power that her and her half-brother created together. Her motives are engraved into their plans, into their success, and as unattainable as she knows herself to be on her own, she knows that with Stefano’s qualities, that could be what leads her to her success on the thrown.

What potential plots do you foresee for this character? Where do you see this character’s story going? What potential storylines would you like to explore, both with the character themselves and as a part of the group as a whole? REMOVED

Would you be open to this character’s death? Though we’d love to keep all characters alive and well in an ideal world, the nature of this group may put some characters’ lives in danger at one point or another. Should your character’s death be necessary for the furthering of the plot, would you be open to the idea of killing them off and working with the admin team to create a new role for you to take on? REMOVED

PARA SAMPLE

“They send me away to find them a fortune..” The words poured out of Caterina’s lips as smoothly as the blood would sweep from a victim’s body. The lullaby she sang electrified her nerves, exciting the blood that flowed through her veins as she thought of those she would visit tonight. Unlike her usual struct that she possessed as she walked through the kingdom that was the Giordano empire, the assertive and self-aware walk that demanded it’s own respect, Cat now would practically dance through her bedroom, her feet light and delicate as she handled her belongings.

Moving through her closet of the extensive range of attire for the multiple occasions that being a Giordano requires of one, Caterina hummed along to the tune of her preparation song, pulling out small, dark, tight pieces of clothing and carrying them out to lay on her bed. “..a chest filled with diamonds and gold,” Caterina wasn’t exactly the most organised dame in Rome; she was more known for her sporadic nature and impulsivity. Although, when it came to this night, to the nights when the darkness wasn’t dark enough and her heartbeat made more noise than the screams of those people who’s voices she stole; tonight she was organised. Stefano taught her this. If things weren’t organised, then everything could go very wrong, very quickly. Caterina of course thought that her brother was over-exaggerating, being a little too serious for her liking. But after awhile, she got used to this routine, and then she started to love it.

It thrilled Cat, seeing it all laid down in front of her. Her own little creation of the chaos that scared most but seduced her own unattainable nature. As she laid down the clothes she was sure would be drenched in blood in a few hours, Caterina’s teeth felt like fangs between her lips. Her eyes moved from the clothes to what sat next to it on her mattress. Her eyes lit up as she sang the lullaby, the weapons her instruments as she bent over to lightly drag her hand over the cool metal. Three machetes laid beside each other, each one bigger than the last as her fingers danced, feeling the curve of the blade. “I’m bigger than my body..” Cat’s hands moved further up the bed, curling around the handle of her G18. The power she felt surge through her body from merely holding such death in her hands brought her more pleasure than most of her lovers. These weapons were where Cat felt normal, comfortable. The only time Caterina Giordano was happy was when she was standing in the middle of complete chaos, and these little things that she held in her hands were Cat’s ticket onto the train to her cyclone. She picked up the handgun, turning around in her chambers to look into the mirror that hung on the wall opposite her bed. “I’m meaner than my demons, I’m bigger than these bones..” Raising her arms, Caterina pointed the gun at the reflection in front of her. She looked at the way her face smiled in response, the way her arms looked as strong as tree trunks with no fear of the death that she held between her palms. Cat welcomed it.

She dropped her arms and placed the gun back onto it’s rightful place on the bed. Running her fingers through her blonde hair, Cat walked over to her dresser. There stood only one picture in her bedroom, it was taken years ago and given to Caterina as a gift. Usually, she would have thrown out such a sappy present but it was the only picture that she considered allowable to keep in her home. Stefano, Caterina and Bella stood side by side, the bright smile on Bella’s face where her lips went practically ear to ear almost blinded Cat whenever she looked at it, or at least that’s what she would tell Bella every time she commented on Cat’s keeping of it. Her own smile in the photograph was gorgeous, yet extremely fake and filled with dark thoughts of how much she wanted to stick that camera up her mother’s ass as she made the three siblings stand together on her father’s birthday. Stefano stood taller than them all, broad and straight with a faint, almost unrecognisable smile, although he still looked handsome with those infamous Giordano traits. Cat looked at the photograph, thinking of Bella and her unchanging innocence, surely one of these days that was going to come and bite her in the ass and Cat would be the one cleaning up the pieces. She turned the photograph down and continued on her routine, picking her lullaby back up into tune and finishing off the ballad.

“And all the kids cried out, ‘Please stop, you’re scaring me’..” The words made Cat’s lips twirl into a evil grin as she sang. Digging down underneath her bed, Cat fetched out one black, large bag and placed all her weapons of choice carefully into it’s body. Turning to look at the time, it wasn’t long before she heard a knock at her bedroom door. Perfectly on time, she could never expect anything less from her half brother. “God damn right you should be scared of me..” Cat purred as she walked to open the door. Unlatching every advanced lock that sat on her main entrance, she pulled the door apart and it revealed none other than Stefano on the other side. His face looked as it always did this time of night on this special day; calm, controlled and ready to fuck this city up alongside his sister. Caterina’s lips smiled softly in greeting at him, leaving the door open as she went to her bed and picked up the bag. “..who is in control?”

“Do you still sing that wretched song?” Her brother asked as he stepped inside, looking around the place. Cat always managed to change something about her home in the time before anyone made a second visit. Whether it was throwing away furniture she had grown sick of or painting all her walls into a deep red, Cat never let anything settle in her life for too long.

“You were the one who said I need to have a routine.” She pointed out, moving toward the door and waiting for her brother to join her. “Are you ready?” She asked impatiently, one hand on the doorknob, her feet barely keeping still as her excitement seeped through her lack of composure. Stefano turned back to look at Caterina, his expression obvious.

In those moments, between Caterina locking her door behind her and Stefano and her walking down the hallway and out into the city of Rome, Caterina could swear she felt the city tremble.

EXTRAS

http://tylerfxckingdurden.tumblr.com/tagged/caterina

[talesofyale-blog]

PERU ANONG NANGYARI?

Can I just point out for the record how very unsuited I am to be a writer?

Because:

a. I write once a year

b. Really? A writer that writes once a year? Haha

WARNING: LOTS OF EYE ROLL TO FOLLOW

Anyway, I started this blog to make sure I have a record of all the stories I have of my travels. Obviously, that’s not going very well for me... So this is my attempt at redemption and let’s hope this post won’t be the last one for the year. Hahaha.

So...

Peru, huh?

Don’t get me wrong. Peru is without a doubt a beautiful country! However, if I’m being honest here, I would never come back again.

Before I start with the horrible things that happened, let me start with the nice ones!

For the first part of our trip, we decided to fly straight away to Cusco instead of going to the capital, Lima. We wanted to explore Ollantaytambo, an old town which dates back from the 13th century. It’s a good idea to do that when you’re not flying directly after a 13 hour flight from Canada & an 8 hour night layover in the airport.

That, I have to admit, was a bad judgement on my end. Sorry Mitch. Haha!

Moving forward, I would never book a flight when I know I have to sleep in the airport before I can get to it and the layover is going to take up much of my boyfriend’s birthday (did I tell you it was his birthday that day?). LOL

Talk about starting with the nice ones, huh? Hahaha

Anyway, Ollantaytambo is definitely a place not to miss! It was breathtaking! With all the cobblestones, old style houses and amazing food, we almost never wanted to leave!

Taking a taxi in Ollantaytambo was the best option for us to go around. We were so lucky to find a taxi driver who offered us a very reasonable price and understands a little English (yep, here we go again with my Espanyol skillz).

This is my second time at a Spanish speaking country and I haven’t learned the basics still. Remind me to do that when I make my way to Spain. Charot.

Anywho, I super love our driver! He took us wherever we wanted to go and even offered to take us to places we did not know about!

That’s Moray.

Here we are at Salineras de Maras.

We even have photos with the locals!

I mean, how can you not stop for this photo op?!

Our kuya driver was also sweet enough to take photos of me and Mitch! 

Oh diba, saan ka pa, driver na, tour guide pa tapos photographer din?! 

Para siyang Nescafe.. 3 in 1 JOKE

He also brought us to Awana Kancha, a place for llama, vicuña & alpaca feeding & weaving demonstrations.

I gotta say, some animals were having it and some were not.

FUN FACT: One of Peru’s staple foods is corn. In short, lahat ng menu sa restaurant may mais. 

The main reason why we chose to visit Peru was to see one of the seven wonders of the world: MACHU PICCHU! To say that this Incan citadel is amazing would be an understatement! I could go on and on and write about how magical this trip to Machu Picchu has been for us but that would probably limit my character count in this post. 

Machu Picchu is situated 7,970 ft above sea level so it took quite a bit of effort reaching it.

First, we rode a tricycle to the train station.

This is the closest photo I can find and it only looks like I’m eating something.

Next, we did a 2 hour train ride.

Then we took a (very crowded and smelly) bus to go all the way up.

*obviously bus photos are not available*

BUT ALAS, THE TRIP WAS SO WORTH IT!

This is Mitch holding the beautiful air.

I’m going to stop talking about Machu Picchu at this point because I might say a lot of stuff and it’ll only really tie up to one point: IT’S BEAUTIFUL. 

Moving on...

We also stayed a few days in Cusco, a city in the Peruvian Andes, which was once the capital of the Inca Empire, and is now known for its archaeological remains and Spanish colonial architecture. We stayed in Plaza de Armas which is the central square in the old city, with arcades, carved wooden balconies and Incan wall ruins. (I got all these from google, by the way)

There are so many churches around this area that we really intended to visit each and every one of them. Not that we’re super religious or anything, but I just like visiting churches from different countries. It just proves the point that you can pray and talk to God no matter which side of the world you’re in.

We took a half day bus tour to go around Cusco and it would’ve been great only if we rode the bus that had an English tour guide. LOL. Long story short, the speaker was Spanish and we did not understand a thing.

 So we took photos instead!

a site named Sacsayhuaman a.k.a sexy woman

here I am eating a chocolate croissant

here we are eating ice cream

here I am again eating corn lol

The tour also brought us to a place where we did this little ritual which I have no idea about because again it was all in Spanish. Hahaha.

The last plan of the trip was to fly to Lima to see the city before we leave for Canada. 

Everything was going so smooth up until....

THEY LEFT OUR LUGGAGES BACK IN CUSCO AND WE HAD NOTHING TO WEAR FOR THE NEXT TWO DAYS OF OUR STAY IN LIMA. 

They said our bags were going to get delivered to the hotel in 2-3 days. We literally had nothing except for our carry-on bags which only contain our gadgets and passports. All our clothes, toiletries (MY MAKE UP!!!!) and whatnot were in our checked in luggages so we were in deep poop. 

We did not let that stop our vacation from continuing though. 

As they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Only in this case, we had to double the effort because they threw us the full damn tree with its branches and all.

Like I said, we still roamed around and pushed through with our plans because you shouldn’t let a lack of clean underwear get in the way.

JOKE!

Or is it?

Just kidding. We bought new ones. 

Or did we?

here is the Plaza Mayor

a beautiful preserved library from 1549

the Pacific Ocean

Mitch throwing a water bottle to scare the birds

a kissing statue

me in my newly bought clothes *secretly curses inside*

Well, I would like to end this post with a very meaningful quote,

“Remember not everyone has a happy ending.”

because our luggages arrived in Canada TWO MONTHS after the trip.

The End

[bryanllamado]

10 Awesome Things This Week | 04

First things first, (I think that) this section just became one of my favorite sections here on my blog! I draft ATM with Bryan on a monthly basis but there are ‘awesome things’ in between ATM with Bryan volumes that I don’t get to mention. So–to cut the long story short–this’ll serve as a spinoff (much because I’m too talkative lol). I’m currently at a newly-opened cafe to take a breather (midweek marker) from another stressful school week. I think I’ll be needing more nights like this because academics is getting more and more demanding. *sighs* I’m still not used to my sched tho; Imagine being in school from 7AM to 5:30PM–with breaks in between, of course–but the mere fact that you’re spending half of the day in school is just wow. For now, I’ll be giving you a quick rundown of 10 awesome things that happened / occurred / took place last week.

1.              Sisig is Layf

So my dad celebrated his birthday at home for three straight days. *jaw drop* The best thing about it is probably sisig (I assume you know how MUCH I love sisig with all my heart and soul). So there, tapos na ang usapan. Sisig ang sagot sa tanong. #forreal #sisigislayf

2.              Class Suspension

When Gov announced last Tuesday (August 22) that class suspension is only up to Senior High, I thought that it was ridiculous! *note sarcasm* I literally kept refreshing the home button on Facebook just in case Gov extends the suspension until college level and he freaking did! This leads us to the next awesome thing.

3.              Bar Boys x 100 Tula Para Kay Stella

My ♥ and I planned to see Bar Boys since the last week of June (ganun kami ka-updated) but the weather hasn’t calmed down that weekend so plans got postponed until the suspension happened. I’ve also seen 100 Tula Para Kay Stella with one of my bestfriends. Hats off to Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino!

I’m actually thinking of writing down my thoughts upon seeing these films but doing a review would entail me to go down into details. *sighs*

4.              Bianca’s Firebrick Chicken

That same night, my bestfriend and I tried this new restaurant for dinner. Ive been itching to try the food and place for a while now aaand… it’s worthy trying. Damn, I’m now craving for pasta (cause I got try their aglio olio) just by simply writing about it. Their cucumber lemonade is a must try too!

5.              New ear buds and charger

Finally, I got myself a new pair of ear buds and charger. #achievementunlocked lol But honestly, it’s just nice to have new tech related stuffs (even if you don’t really need them). I’m thinking of purchasing more stuffs such as power banks, external drives (already have one tho) and bluetooth related things.

6.              Encantadia 2005 Full Episodes

I’ve been binge watching the full episodes of Encantadia 2005 on GMA Network’s YouTube Channel. And, they have also uploaded Etheria–Enca2005’s 2nd book. I hope I can finish the series ASAP so I can start watching Mulawin2004 and Game of Thrones (yup, I haven’t seen any Game of Thrones episode).

7.              Taylor Swift – Look What You Made Me Do

It was last Friday when Taylor Swift dropped the first single of her 6th album, Reputation. The single (Look What You Made Me Do) is a gothic track–still pop–which seems like a diss track to KimYe (Kim Kardashian and Kanye West). The music video for the song is also out and I must say that Taylor is a genius.

Once again, Taylor had everyone talking about her. Damn, I could write an entire blog entry about my insights. For now, I found these interesting articles:

#LookWhatYouMadeMeDo: The Taylor, Kimye Feud and What Fans Have to Say

There Are Way More Hidden Meanings In The New Taylor Swift Video Than We First Thought

Taylor Swift’s ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ Video Decoded: 13 Things You Missed

8.              Balik Aral Program 1st Meeting

This semester, I volunteered as a Balik Aral Program teacher. Balik Aral Program (Alternative Learning System) is a program which our college holds for out of school youth and students who want to continue their studies in elementary and high school. Meeting my students for the first time got me nervous and excited at the same time.

9.              New Instagram Feed

I just finished 10 rows of minimalist curated photos on Instagram. For my new feed, I’m trying pastel colors–got the idea after posting gray-ish tones and having a lot of colored photos in my gallery. If you follow me on Instagram, get ready for more tones!

Never miss any post from me on Instagram! Check out http://instagram.com/bryanllamado/ and hit follow.

10.         Secret Dream

Okay, I’ll get away with this for now and I’ll let you know when the time is right. I just pursued something that I have been dreaming for a long time (won’t disclose it now). But, I promise to share details with you as soon as everything is final.

All I can do is pray and hope for the best! Here’s a toast to making dreams come true.

Those are just 10 of the awesome things that happened last week.

Bry. 083017

[sincerelydrex]

WEEK 1: The Pakiramdaman Stage

Hi mga mamshies! So my first week as an intern was totally awkward and I can't even contain the shyness all over my body. It is like everyone's watching me from behind cuase like I'm on the front row and beside me is Sir Cultivo's table, he has the highest rank (aside from the chief) from the group (I guess), and I was like "what do I do now, do I have to open educational sites or can I use social media during work or may be youtube will do?" I was so insane this week and all I heard was, "Hey Drex" , "Drex okay ka lang?", "Drex ano gusto mong pagkain?" , and the question goes on and on and on. They were like a paparazzi asking me some questions that somehow very interesting naman to answer but may part na nakakatakot magreply thinking that baka mali ang masabi mo or iba masabi mo because of random stuffs running on my head about the office and the work. Well first impression: they're very friendly. I mean, that was my first week and you can really feel the bondness and the care for their interns. You can really feel the vibe of a family and jokes were always the main course inside the office.

 It was fun but I would be happy if you'll read my first 5 days with the Regional Information Technology Office's misters. ;)

Hi there! Today marks my official Camp Ola invasion as an intern at the Regional Information Technology Office - Police Regional Office 5. I was so excited a while ago 'cause I got a chance to work with the police officers and I think that's so awesome. Knowing that they're real policemen and their time is literally on point like if they said 8am, you should come 10mins before 8am, to make an impression (of course, i'm kidding btw). I am a morning person but i really don't know what happened today because I felt so heavy and my body's still embracing my pillows (LOL). The result, I'm almost 30mins late. By the way, thanks to the flag raising ceremony every morning, we're stucked for almost 15-20 mins and the sun's coming up (sobrang init). I forgot that thing today so I ended up waiting in line, feeling the heat and my boss told me (indirectly) to come early. My very first advice from my boss. Anyway, it didn't sounded offensive to me but rather an alarm that I should never ever do that again and improve my time management issue. Oh geez.

I'm a bit nervous on how they see me as their intern and if they're going to throw some works agad-agad during my first day. But my boss told me that it is not going to be a heavy duty and their just going to expose me on how works are done inside the Regional IT Office. He also added that he will teach me some programming things and some tips/techniques on how to deal with different programming languages.  So I said, "Oh yes, sir. That would be fun po :) " Then after the orientation, he gave me my own table. He also added that the table is so lucky because the recent intern also took that place and ... actually I really don't know why he said that it's a "lucky table". Walang further description kung bakit hahaha. Actually I was expecting that there would be a lot of works today, but I just sat there for almost 4 hours doing nothing. Well I did some research about website designs, what are the trends on websites, red some news on GoogleNews and I had a chance to visit Facebook's design blog and red a lot of articles on how they came up with the new updates and how they designed it. Click this Facebook Design. You'll read articles from Mark Zuckerberg's workers and they're sharing each phases about designing, conceptualizing and many more. It was so fun reading that because I learned a lot of things in designing. Here's what I've red (click them if you like to visit the articles):

How To Make Your Not-So-Great Visual Design Better

How We Changed the Facebook Friends Icon 

Four Things Working at Facebook Has Taught Me About Design Critique

Reactions: Not everything in life is Likable

What I’ve Learned Designing Small Things at Facebook

And, my boss gave me this not so usual work at 3pm. Yes, it's 1 hour before the uwian time (pero pinalabas ako ng 5pm awow, but it's okay para hindi na mainit hahah) This work is somehow media students usually did, it is the "put a lyrics on this video" gaming. I'm familiar with that 'cause I did a lot of video editing but this job is so magaan naman sir (charot). I wasn't expecting this, guess what, I will be adding lyrics of a song from the music video of the Cebuano police officers. Of course, it is Cebuano, a legit Cebuano song and I don't know wha quality is that but I can't and I don't understand what their singing. Downside: walang copy si boss ng lyrics so i have to listen to it carefully and write down the lyrics so that i could fit it on the music video. Seriously, my head hurts for real. Hindi ko alam kong sinasabi nila so I told my boss "Sir di ko po maintindihan ang sinasabi nila" and he laughed. He'll just search for the lyrics na lang daw but there's no record in the internet 'cause it was an original composition of police officer. So he decided to ask his Cebuanos friends (pulis din) to give him the lyrics. Oh gad, that was a relief but still I tried to listen to it pa rin and fortunately I got to songs done but meron pang kulang pero okay na. So I did a good job pa rin :) Here's the video btw (Cebuano dialect but the message is very good):

So that's it! Have a nice day everyone! Let us all have a happy internship all the way! Pye, pye! 

It’s never been easy for me to cope up with the environment specially that it is not my dream office, honestly. I was dreaming of a Google-ish office or an office with lots of cubicle, you have your own table, your comfy chair and lots of freebies. Well, I think I was expecting too much. OH I FORGOT. I’m just an intern and I have to experience everything from below. Hahah I blame those movies with office themes. Gosh I admire them so much. Anyway, my coping up with my officemates (sorry i don’t know what to call them. is it the police officers or officemates or co-workers? not so sure with that anyway hahah) has been so present everytime they approach me. It seems that they are trying to befriend with me, well it’s working, but I think I need a lot of time  to master the act of friendliness. I don’t know what’s happenning to me but I’m too shy to approach them and I’m so haggard to look at them (hahahah)

This day had been a sit-all day only session. No works, no deadlines. I’m still in the process of coping up and waiting for works.

Visual of the day:

Hello Hello Hello Today is not a bad day, and also not a good day to celebrate  haha Im still wondering what work they could give me for my intern. But it seems that, making systems was not a good idea coz  (1) I was not ready for it and (2) there’s no other system that they want me to develoop. THey’ve said that there’s still no other system that needs to be develop, so they’re still on stand by.

So I just spent reading articles about UI/UX Designing and other designing blogs. Just to feed my little knowledge about designs. Also, I started to learn reading online news every morning coz why not. Im not a fan of this hobby but still  I want to maximize my time sitting in my table doing nothing. At lunch break, I went to BU to accomplish some paperworks to be passed and at 3pm, they cooked pancit for our merienda.

Hello Hello Hello and welcome to my blog as an intern. In this post, I’ll be including my April 27 and 28 post because as usual, wala pang ganap. I’ve been doing a lot of things that could maximize my time at the office but still I;m not satisfied. Maybe I’m just expecting so much more like paperworks, printing or document-ing. Well, there’s nothing.

Don’t worry I’ll be posting an article explaining the works that were done inside the Regional IT Office of PRO5, so that you’ll have a idea on what particular work is being offered in my agency.

What I did last time were the same works that I did last April 27-28.

Work ALERT!: I heard Sir Glenn (our IT officer) that there will be a team building happening on May 12-13. So we are expecting a lot of works on or before that week. HOPING ;)