#This isn’t a callout i just thought it was funny

[kacievvbbbb]

I love bokuto. I would lay down my life for him.

…..but how did they ever make that boy captain 😭😭😭.

I get that he’s the star player and when he’s hype he brings the energy. But that’s just the thing dude goes through such intense mood swings and half the teams energy is devoted to cheering him up.

I’m pretty sure they only made him captain cause he would have simply passed away if he wasn’t nominated . And because Akaashi is a second year

I know his coach tired of him 😭

[bithermal]

Someone in my tags said they wished they spoke French so they could watch Baghera. Homie I speak English and the barest bones of Spanish. I have been running entirely off of vibes and the Twitter update accounts this whole time.

[the-sample-from-the-petri-dish]

FUCK

When someone says they're not into the Spiderverse franchise because they don't watch cartoons

[tonitheloftwing]

I SAW THAT POST TOO LMAO

its crazy, like if you’re gonna be an exclus at least be consistent

“Men can’t be lesbians unless they’re genderfluid bc they’re not REALLY men” LIKE DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF???

Queer discourse of any sort seriously drives me insane, but lesbian discourse makes my head hurt more than anything else 😭 my journey of coming to ID as an aro lesbian who loves bald and/or pathetic baby men in fiction was a long one wrought with distress, mainly due to people who go around pretending to be the Gay Police. Like, as of right now, I’m a mostly cis, mostly female-aligned, lesbian who is only attracted to women irl, which fits most people’s idea of what a lesbian is. But that doesn’t mean I’m not hurt by lesbian exclusionaries, because every single time someone comes up on my dash being like “I hate lesboys I hate mspec lesbians!!!” I’m like. Well what if later down the line my gender shifts to be more masculine again. And I like my little fictional boxer boys, does that make me a “bad” lesbian?

This is the new talking point i try to use as leverage against exclusionary ppl. By being exclusionary towards certain groups of lesbians, you’re hurting all the lesbians - even the ones you’re white-knighting for in your exclusionary statements - because you’re showing us that if we do something you don’t like with our gender or sexuality/romantic identity, you’ll come after us. If i see somebody being exclusionary, I automatically assume they’re gonna see me kissing George costanza’s bald head and make a callout post about it because he’s a stinky, rotten man.

This is very discombobulated bc I have thoughts. But tldr, as someone who isn’t mspec and is hardly male-aligned, I still hate exclusionaries. Especially exclusionaries who use “you’re hurting the real lesbians!” As an excuse to be nasty. Like no, I think lesboys and mspec lesbians are cool and them existing has done no harm to me.

And that’s not even addressing how a lot of lesbian discourse loops back around into like, radfem/terf bioessencialist territory. Men are not inherently evil and scary and bad. Just liking women doesn’t make you a better person than someone who likes men, or men and women, or anybody in between. We’re all just beings at the end of the day, and gender is made up anyways.

To end on at least a funny note, here’s a tumblr post from yaoiboypussy that I will be thinking about every time i hear ppl fighting over lesbians now

Also I’m sorry for not answering this sooner, tumblr never gave me the notif 😔

UPDATE JUNE 14: I THOUGHT I POSTED THIS DAYS AGO AND I GUESS I DIDNT. OOPS

[alharringtonfan]

honestly I haven’t been that involved with the whole Alex stuff but am I somewhat not surprised how Chezz and many others are acting this way since the whole “the holier than thou” and “oh don’t worry guys I’m unproblematic and safe uwu” stuff some analog makers have if that explains it and please correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t one of the people that “came out” like also tried accusing Martin of the same shit? Like what.

Honestly I don’t wanna accuse people of anything but I would not be surprised if one day something similar comes out about them.

it’s just feeding a monster that will soon come to bite them in the ass.

I'm pretty sure it's Mitcha who started the grooming thing (always has to be them huh). They also went against Alex but the thing that confuses me is that they warned him about Ven making a callout doc... so, are they a hater or not? I don't know about that whole thing really well because I'm a donut specialist© but searching around the alex tag you'll finds tons of information about them.

100% my friend. Alex tried the same thing back then with Urbanspook and it just reflected back to him like a boomerang. This thing with pretending that you're better than everyone else is complete bullshit, because good people don't have to prove to anyone that they're good in the first place. Same thing with humility. People who are humble don't go around screaming "LOOK! I'M HUMBLE!!! LOOK AT ALL MY GOOD ACTIONS!!" because they don't need to. They show it through their actions and people see them and recognize them as such.

Chezz and Martin are disgusting people that try to mask their filth with a facade of kindness and acceptance. They try to pander to as many people as possible to convince the world that they're genuinely "good"; and to do that, they go for the narrative that's most widespread and accepted by the general public. Because if they would dare to even think about going against the masses, people would pile up on them. And they will do ANYTHING to prevent it from happening. What Martin fears the most (aside from cats apparently) is people hating on him. The guy is so fucking insecure that some mean things said about his series prompted him to take a year-long break. Oh and on this topic I recommend that you check out Radal's reaction to The Walten Files. It's funny and it pisses off Martin so win-win. Their public image is everything they have, they don't care about being genuine. If people will pat their backs and praise them for their behavior and "courage", that's good enough in their books. Same thing with donut, the slanderer queen and master of the anti-alex death cult.

So, don't ever trust people who are too overly accepting of everything, everyone, all the time. Especially if it is compatible with modern culture and media. EVERYONE has the things that they hate, the things that they disagree with. Milquetoast creators like Alex Kaizo and Tyler Osborne, who will just nod along to whatever their audience says and not even conjure a single original thought of their own because they're too afraid to face backlash are fake. They're all plastic without a hint of morality in themselves.

Also, it will DEFINITELY bite them in their asses. Believe me. Kwite and Squizzy collaborated with Slazo's ex girlfriend to try and cancel him over false allegations of abuse. Both of them got canceled. Alex went along the mob and tried to cancel Urbanspook because that was the hip new thing to do at the time. He got canceled as well. It's just something that happens on the internet, and it'll never change because people are willing to remain or at least pretend to be dumb if it gives them likes and a bit of notoriety. Nobody is perfect, and if a meh relationship was enough to get Alex to face all this shit, who knows what will be the catalyst of the next drama. Martin and Chezz are horrible people that do not deserve the audiences that they have. I am without a doubt when I say that they HAVE done something infinitely worse than this. Chezzkids is a serial clout-chaser and grifter, who let the little "fame" he got after calling Urban names (just like the toddler he is) get to his head and inflate his ego to an immense degree. People who are too full of themselves and think they're the best of the best mess up due to a lack of forethought. They are so confident in their abilities that they won't even think about if what they're doing is the right decision to make. And that's why the twat won't ever back down. He's too egotistical to accept defeat just like Ven's cult members defenders. If Chezz is willing to stain the relationship he had with Alex over some crappy highschool level drama, you can already pinpoint his morals and character, and how he truly treats others within his vicinity.

Martin has a server with a security tighter than the CIA. He's afraid to bite the hand that feeds him but it will punch him back when time is most appropriate; despite the lengths he will go to try to keep his image squeaky clean. One can only imagine the shit he has in there and when it'll eventually surface.

Urban "boogeyman" Spook is a better person than 99% of these cardboard cutouts that dare to call themselves creators. They can only destroy. All they create is hate, the sole things they know how to spread are lies and manipulation. They're nothing more than greedy, hateful, cowardly sycophants.

Phew. I feel a lot better now. Thank you for the ask, anon! I hope you're doing fantastic today 🫶

[m1ckeyb3rry]

AHAHAH ok well either way glad you’re back!!! And yes OMG S2 only a week away guys I can’t believe it this is actually kinda insane

LMAO IM CRYING the jjkification of your teachers is actually so funny not you bridging irl miraverse and jjk miraverse

Yeahhh like sae canon is just too plain miraverse sae is what I’d WISH he were really like in full but alas

Also yeah um. Jjk! Well! Safe to say I won’t be all that engaged in it anymore either sadly but I feel like I’ve seen some content talking about that too and how people can get away with mediocre world building and story telling if they just let art carry I do remember specific chapters coming out where there’d just be some big impact moment in the art and people also mentioned that visual carrying theory then too…..also honestly those people saying it’s peak are also probably coming from like, cringey very mediocre isekai harems or genres of that sort so maybe they just have a very skewed bar too but agreed the gojo geto is truly not the groundbreaking pair people claim it to be…..(also LMAOO this is a safe space for ideas deemed controversial by the fandom honestly these takes are so real though likeeeee) ORV FR the dynamic is sm more complex and i think orv as a whole just is developed a lot more/better for obv reasons

SHSHSH FRR I almost forgot about those mass category posts I was originally only focusing on the random tags part but FR like I enjoy a good meme tier list every now and then like most people but I see those paragraphs you’re talking about all the time too and I’m like huh???? Sukuna and Nagi PLEASE yeah that’s a crazy combo and honestly I don’t think you can really mass categorize like that on such a broad scale if you’re actually seriously trying to categorize them as opposed to just like those memes yk

Oh yeah the tumblr drama….obv I’m also not ever involved because I don’t actually do anything here but it’s fr so dumb and insane!! I’ll see a callout post every now and then and I’m like damn yeah if that ever did happen that’s just an automatic block there’s no way I’m wasting energy on that

IM HERE FOR IT BAROU VISION EXPANSION COMMENCES!!! SHSGSHSSB he would so do that softie at heart Barou who’s like “Tch. Fine, but I’m following you” AIKU BEING SAES GUARD yes yes yes omg and Niko as his squire HAHAHA omg I almost forgot about elakshi bro wattpad insane for that I remember us talking about it awhile ago…I’m ngl when I was reading pi I definitely saw why they went after her (not in the sense of its justified or I agree but because I know wp demographics and I can see them doing something like that SHSHSH) but it’s still insane like if you’re so pressed close the tab and go write your own work tf??? Honestly at the rate jjk is going at (or not going at. Yk.) reworking it into BLLK wouldn’t be a bad way to save the general idea LMAO a future thought fs though your list just like doubled within the last week or two

It’s ok the requester will see the fic you pop out and be like “OMG Mira ATE thank you for taking artistic liberty” but miraversification of overly done cliche tropes >>>>>> but yeahhh I see what you mean!! I’m trying to think too but nothing comes to mind that screams “enemies to lovers worthy” (pause what was that comment about sae BRO???) I also don’t think it helps that I’m not the biggest fan of this trope either….im fr not one to enjoy like enemies enemies something about it just isn’t as interesting to read like two opps falling in love idk I think you’re right in that it’s because most aren’t fully developed esp when it’s just a one shot too

Oh FR??? Damn the more you know part 15 LMAO I was expecting it to have been based off like region within the game oops but OOOOH very nice very nice I see the vision!!

LMAOOO I remember them exchanging like, two words. I just know that Karasu calls him yukki and makes some comment as he passes the ball to him I think (??) but other than that there isn’t much (I was about to say maybe we’ll see in epinagi but now I realize that’s not happening because by that time nagi is long gone and we’re following nagi so uh) but anyways yuki our shining star HAHAHA it’s honestly his miraverse brand now he just effortlessly pulls off everything making Karasu his opp

OOOH lowk I’ve never actually understood how dividers work but some look pretty elaborate! The simple minimalistic ones are good too they feel very clean and easy to look at!!

YAY THATS GOOD wait on that note is typing making it worse should I shorten the convo? But continuing to manifest a speedy recovery! Also so real with the glasses thing esp when the frames thick it makes your ears feels sore ugh

HAHA real haterism posts are lowk funny but im CRYING THE EMOJI why is it so sae??? LMAOA I’ve never even used or looked at that emoji before but that’s actually hilarious

OOOOH wait behind your touch or sth??? I forgot the exact wording but I like tried it out because I thought it was interesting based off the clips I saw but ngl I could not get past the first ep LMAOA maybe I need to give it another chance but it felt too slow at the time for me that I just moved on oops maybe I just have to get through the pilot episode first…

LMAOAAOA no because I was fr like “wait why she saying it like this is a final goodbye ummmmm” but anyways…NEW PURSUIT CHAPTER IN THE WORKS OOOOOOOOOOO this is a huge win (i seriously can’t get over the jb quote i just automatically read it in his voice now)

- Karasu anon

RIGHTT it feels unreal that it’s so close!! i’m so excited i can’t wait for all of the new edits and whatnot to come out it’s going to be glorious i’m (hopefully) going to get so much motivation

looking back was it a little insane YES however it was very fun and we enjoyed ourselves and it made our very long boring school days much more entertaining…sadly i’m not really friends with that girl anymore (she was lowkey crazy i can’t even lie like i’m not sad we’re not friends because i miss her but because we had some fun times together) but the lore we (mostly me honestly) came up with was so extensive and deep i still think abt it sometimes

if sae was like his miraverse counterpart he’d fr be a fav of mine already but alas this is what we have to work with

i think it’s really interesting but also very true!! like if you have a fire artist then you can get away with doing much less actual storytelling because your artist carries you…i don’t think that’s a critique of all animanga because there are several that are only elevated by the art and the art serves a purpose in tandem with the writing — the problem to me is when the art is what’s carrying the writing or is filling in holes that the writing does not bother dealing with!! for example attack on titan — it has its own problems which i won’t touch on atm because i’m exhausted by it but in this specific aspect it outdoes jjk in the sense that you could tell the story in just words (and believe me, i have) without making anything up and it flows fairly well/doesn’t feel like anything is missing or glossed over, and the manga panels/anime just serve to give shape to the story the words are telling instead of carrying the story along on their own. omg that tik tok i was talking about had a comment that made me crack up it was like “people will see a single very simple parallel and immediately declare it peak writing” and that’s honestly so true 😭 in a similar vein whenever people praise jjk for its female cast…name one female character with a strong storyline and agency and whatnot (everyone points to maki as if she didn’t literally just become gege’s way of putting toji back in the story) they had potential but NONE of them were utilized in the way they could’ve been and to be honest the treatment of hana/angel was ABHORRENT i honestly really liked her and she could’ve been such a fascinating character but instead she was just. obsessed with a man who dgaf about her. like COME ON NOW i thought we were PAST this trope 😩 that said jjk isn’t horrible utter complete trash but everyone praises it as being so much different than other shounens but when you examine it closely it’s really not it just has a bit more angst than the typical shounen might.

STAN ORV FOR CLEAR SKIN!! as someone who read the novel and didn’t even look at the webcomic i think orv is a perfect example of how convoluted magic systems and large-scale battles CAN be explained properly and still remain awe-inspiring even without any visuals!! like the novel had me on the edge of my seat the entire time and there were absolutely zero two page spreads AND it had a shit translation like that’s skill fr!! also the female characters…the sheer THOUGHT put into the story (there are so many little details woven into it it’s insane)…the way different cultures are referenced and carefully researched so that they don’t feel like jokes (don’t even get me started on the jjk america arc idec about making fun of americans but what was the point even?? it was literally never brought up again) added in for no reason…absolutely enormous cast but they all get development and conclusions and feel like they were added for a reason??? super super fascinating dynamics between the main three characters (kim dokja, han sooyoung, yoo joonghyuk)?? MALE AND FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS??? MALE AND FEMALE CHARACTERS THAT LOVE EACH OTHER IN WAYS THAT AREN’T JUST ROMANTIC??????? this is what’s considered ACTUAL peak i think it’s so brain dead when jjk fans argue that jjk is so popular so it has to be better written than things like orv (the two fandoms have a lot of beef on tik tok for some reason) like come on now one is an anime and the other is a web novel obviously jjk is more popular…however i think a lot of jjk fans would actually quite like orv if they could bring themselves to sit down and read it!!

i agree i think in order to fit so many characters into the random categories you have to simplify them all so much and strip them of their complexities because otherwise you can’t cram as many characters as possible in there 😭 and yeah tumblr drama is so insane i wish people who put their energy into making callout posts would go work on their career or something…like let’s build our linkedin profiles!! let’s talk to people in real life!!

oh my god no because the elakshi hate is INSANEEEE listen she’s not meant to be a LOVEABLE character per se (definitely not like tullia) but she’s meant to show what reader would’ve been like if she had gone to kyoto and learnt to rely on others in a different way 😟 i also know 100% for a fact that everything people on wattpad slander her for they would’ve eaten UP if it had been y/n doing it…i think people dislike her because i never try to make her a side character the way tullia is like tullia’s in the story more but she very much so feels like she’s there to support reader whereas every single one of elakshi’s appearances are meant to challenge reader and ig people just don’t like that HAHA anyways…that’s why i always state right in the beginning of all of my stories (or at least put it in the warning) that there will be ocs because ykw i’m not going to stop using them when they make the plots more interesting and if that’s not what someone’s into then they can go read something else but they need to STOP complaining in my comments section!! especially the one person (and the couple that agreed with them) that said pomegranate ink would be perfect except for the ocs….like okay what do you want me to do about that?? a) the story is already written b) i’m not going to get rid of them especially when tullia is so integral to the plot c) idgaf what you think is “perfect” this is the story i chose to tell and you can live with it, read something else, or write your own story perfectly catered to me but i am not being paid ANYTHING for this and they are not paying anything to read what i write so there’s zero reason for the bitching i fear 🧐 it’s not even constructive criticism (which yk i didn’t ask for that either but at least that’s coming from a place of trying to be helpful) it’s literally just hating for the sake of hating…classic wattpad audience though that’s why i’m fr considering taking everything down

AHAHAH i came up with so much lore for the megumi royal guard au too it would be a shame to see it wasted especially given how things w jjk are turning out…i mean i’m def going to watch the anime and all just because why not i’m already invested but idt i’ll get my motivation back at any point…or maybe i will?? idk we’ll see but yeah like you said my workload is CRAZY now (i have 23 asks in my inbox just related to requests) so i’ll have time to contemplate this idea fr

DSKFHJJSHD i’ve been joking pretty much since i finished season 1 that i’m in an enemies to lovers w sae because i don’t like him but i can see myself ending up liking him?? especially after how much i enjoyed him in seabird and how many requests i keep getting for him i rlly cannot escape him…like i said feel free to make fun of me if i convert to itoshism (although never fear no matter how much i may eventually like him he will NEVERRRR replace nagi as my number one i am LOYAL to my man 🤩)…agreed enemies to lovers has just never done it for me the closest i can come up with is like two opposite sides of a war and brainwashing/propaganda being involved in which case i think reo or kunigami would work well 🤔 lowkey i could see a childhood friends -> enemies -> lovers deal with wildcard involved working for kunigami like add in some betrayal and all and you’ve got top tier angst

LMAOO yukimiya a victim of miraverse expansion (just like kiyora) kaneshiro refuses to elaborate on him??? dw i will happily provide…the way karasu and yuki actually do get along in canon then but in the miraverse they are opps (yuki is generally unaware) is too good imo 😭 wait this actually reminds me instead of yuki i almost had reader get rizzed up by otoya in fwtkac and have that spark karasu’s jealousy (since she would’ve actually gone on a date with otoya) imagine how different the world would’ve been 😰 although that would’ve made tabieita in bllk so funny KSDFHD karasu’s like “YOU’RE MY GIRLFRIEND’S EX” and otoya’s like “who are you talking about”

nooo typing isn’t doing anything!! it’s like the act of gripping the pencil/gripping things that’s making my muscles wig out because they got so overused…i can’t wait to not have to wear my glasses anymore just a couple more days and then i’m free!! PLS the emoji just reminds me of that one panel of him when he tells rin the goal he was abt to make was too lukewarm i think that’s why it’s so sae-coded

yeahhhh i think that’s what it was called!! ngl the pilot was a bit slow and there’s def not much romance + it does not at all take itself seriously so it’s 75% crack shenanigans but i did enjoy it honestly!! sometimes you just need a silly crack shenanigans type of show without any crazy making out or heavy romance yk

PLSSS look i’m a fanfic author i’m going to dramatize everything but trust it was more for me so i didn’t keep getting distracted by going on my phone instead of working!! like “okay if i promised everyone i’m not going to be on here until i finish my work i actually will have to finish my work so i don’t look like a liar” and YESSSSSSS NEW PURSUIT CHAPTER OUT (hopefully) SOON

[jeezypetes]

Web site….

[dylanobrienisbatman]

The main problem with the whole mal vs the darkling thing in regards to being possessive (or really when it comes to any of their traits) is the fact that throughout, the darkling is clearly framed as the villain and his actions reflect that, whereas Mal as supposed to be the good guy and best romantic partner for Alina, and yet he has all these awful character traits and tendencies. So its less about how awful the Bad Guy is (since he's supposed to be), and more about how awful the person that we're supposed to believe is the best option for Alina is. I don't ship either, just my two cents.

Okay well... two things. First, your comment about "its less about how awful the bad guy is, since he's supposed to be", takes every comment I've made about Darkles out of context, which seems fitting since everything Darklina's spout about Mal is out of context. Him being the Bad Guy is fine, and if you like him AS A VILLAIN, and acknowledge all the bad shit he does, then my posts aren't for you. I think he's a very interesting villain, and a lot of the terrible shit he does that I have to keep making posts about make him a good villain, the problem is when the terrible shit the "Bad Guy" does is romanticized and viewed as the reasons why Alina SHOULD have picked him. So, don't assume everyone gets that "hes supposed to be awful". The point my post was making is that Darklina's love to call Mal possessive, but then turn around and act like Darkles literally enslaving her in somehow sexy and romantic. It's fucking not, and it's transparent as hell that y'all romanticize and sexualize the actually possessive character, and then project false character traits onto Mal. It's so transparent, it's almost funny.

But, more importantly, to your second, very wrong point, I wonder how much of the narrative about Mal having "awful character traits and tendencies" is actually a commentary on Mal as a character, or is it just Darklina's lying about things Mal has done and everyone accepting that misinterpretation as canon. Because, if were making a list...

Fuck boy - False! Mal was not a fuck boy! He was an attractive teenager who hooked up with consenting girls his age when he could, and he was not in a relationship during that time. Alina had never told him how she felt, so he is not beholden to her. (Also, nobody seems to have an issue with the fact that Darkles hooked up with Zoya in the show, that doesn't make HIM a fuckboy... interesting) (also also, nobody seems to discuss Darkles literally sexually assaulting Alina, and lying and manipulating her to get her to be physically intimate with him so he can use her... double interesting).

Slut Shames Alina - FALSE! The ever favourite callout line from Darklina's "He's all over you" isn't him slut shaming her. First, he has no idea what their relationship is like at that point, but more importantly, he is making an observation of her status in the little palace and how she has become his tool. He has dressed her up in his colors, made her put on a show for his benefit, and has created a situation where Alina appears to be his. Mal is noting that after months of searching for her, believing she was being hurt, tortured, or worse, when he arrives to save her, she looks like the Darkling's pet. (and, even if he WAS angry because he perceived them to be romantically involved, boy just spent months fighting for his life, lost multiple friends, and almost died to find her, all while coming to the realisation that he was in love with her, and then he shows up, after not hearing from her for months... I'd be pissed as hell too.) Important Note: He even acknowledges that what he said was wrong and tries to apologise, before Alina tells him that he was right. (Shadow and Bone, pg. 286). He also then apologizes, completely unprompted, for what he said. (Shadow and Bone, pg. 297).

Fat Shames Alina - False! This one is particularly laughable to me, because its one of the Darklina arguments that falls apart the second you actually read the scene. They are running for their lives in the forest, and Mal has to hunt and gather to feed them. He is noting that Alina's appetite has increased since he last saw her, and he makes a joke (ya know, how you do with friends) about how it would be easier to keep her fed if she still had her more meager appetite from before. He makes no comment on her weight, or her size, and he is not actually commenting on her appetite in a negative way, he is just acknowledging that it's a lot more work for him now that she eats more. Right before he says the line, the quote even proves that he isn't shaming her or thinking badly of her: "With a bemused expression, he watched as I gobbled down my portion and then sighed, still hungry". He is noting a change in her, and complaining that its made more work for him. If you think thats the same as fat shaming, well... thats a you problem.

Hates Alina's Powers - FALSE!!!! How to begin... do we talk about it was Mal's idea to hunt the stag in S&B, because he knew she needed it to be more powerful so she could stop the darkling? Do we talk about how he vowed to find the firebird for her, even though he was terrified of what all that power would do to her? Do we talk about how he literally died so she could achieve the power she needed to save the world? Or maybe we could talk about how he believed in her power more than anyone else, like when everyone was making bets about her abilities with the Cut and he knew she'd go further and better than anyone else expected her too, or when he tells her that he was never afraid of her powers, only what seeking all that power would do to her (which is literally the theme of the books, that power corrupts and seeking unmatched power can destroy you)? Mal being afraid of what is going to happen to Alina, being protective of her and worrying over her, is not the same as him hating her powers. He exists to help remind Alina of the themes of the story, and to guide her into maintaining her humanity.

Abusive - ... Do I even need to explain this one? Must I deign an explanation as to why this favourite Darklina lie is so fucking stupid, and also totally hypocrisy? No? Because we all know Darkles is actually the abusive one and they're trying to project their own shit onto Mal to further their abuse apologist agenda? Cool. Moving on.

Possessive of Alina - False! Throughout the entire series, Mal is quite literally the opposite of possessive, but yall just cant read. Not only does he quite literally step out of the way and allow Nikolai to court Alina without argument, which is the most direct example of him not being possessive, he also spends two full books believing, and repeatedly saying over and over and over, that they can't be together because he is not good enough for her. Mal believes, fully, that Alina deserves more than him, better than him, because he's just a tracker and a soldier, just a regular man with nothing to offer her but his love and his protection, and she is a Saint and should be a Queen. Possessiveness is the wish to own and control someone, it is literally the opposite of Mal believing that he's not good enough and doing everything he can to ensure that Alina achieves everything and gets everything he believes she is owed. A possessive character would not tell her to tell him to leave because he has nothing he can offer her, no title or land or country or crown. A possessive character would not promise to be the blade in her hand, because he believed he had nothing but the blood he could spill to offer her.

Angry - True! Yeah, omg, you caught us, Mal is ANGRY! Heaven forbid a teenager who is traumatized beyond belief and has to give up everything in his life, his position in the military (he deserted for her), his friends and the job he loved (Mikhail and Dubrov died for him, and he can't be a tracker in the army... because he deserted... for Alina), and, most importantly, he has to give up Alina (she should be Queen, he believes, and he has to give up the future he imagined with the girl he loves, who he was pretty sure loved him back, because she's a saint and queen and he's just a man), and more, is ANGRY. He has to be the one to find the amplifiers that he knows will end up hurting her, because thats what she needs to save the world. He has to sit by while Nikolai treats him like the dirt on his shoe and tries to woo Alina for his own personal gain (because Nikoalai did not love Alina. Maybe he came to care for her, but he proposed and spent all of S&S trying to get her to marry him when it was obvious they were not in love. He straight up says its so that the next King of Ravka can be married to the Sun Summoner. It's a power grab.) and he can't do anything about it. So yeah, Mal is angry. And yeah, sometimes he's even angry at Alina, just like sometimes she's angry at him. But they always find their way back, always apologize and try to be better for each other, and if you think anger is a toxic trait, and not simply a natural human emotion, might I suggest touching some fucking grass?

Idk why you thought I'd stand for Mal slander on my blog, cuz I will not. So, I'm gonna stop there, because I have shit to do today, but I really do wonder how much of Mal's 'toxic' or 'terrible' traits, that make him such a 'bad' love interest for Alina, really comes from Darklina's who refuse to actually read the text critically at all, and instead take everything he does and says out of context to further their agenda that Alina should have ended up as the Darkling's fucking slave forever, because thats the "girl power feminist" ending somehow. Mal supports her, loves her, sacrifices for her at every turn, and does everything he can do, to the point of literally dying for her, to ensure that she can defeat Darkles and save the world. He protects her, and when they end up happy and safe together on the orphange that they've rebuilt to help the children that were victims of Darkles war and genocide, he spends his days bringing her tea and cakes and flowers, kissing her silly under the stairs in the view of all the teachers, and calling her names like beauty, beloved, cherished, my heart for the rest of their ordinary life together, if love can ever be called that.

[seesgood]

can we very gently talk about call out posts / culture really quick?  not in a judgmental way, but in like a: i just want to pose a thought and explain why i’m never going to buy into it and why i wish it would become less of a trend instead of more of one? and i’ll add the  disclaimer  here: i totally get not wanting certain people around you for various reasons, that is all your prerogative. that’s your comfort level. but in emphasizing “your blog should be a safe space” we’re kind’ve losing sight of the fact that the rpc should also be a safe space, and as much as your comfort and safety matter, so do other people’s. and not just the person who hurt you, but the third parties and other mutuals and 99.9% of people who are not at all involved in any way in whatever happened. so, anyway here goes, read it or don’t, we all have different opinions or reasons, i just want to be heard:

people are allowed to change.  think back to who you were last year. two years ago. think about the stuff you said when you were seventeen, or twenty-one, or hell whatever age you were. current-you would probably cringe at the kind of stuff past-you had to say. because you grew. you learned. you had life experiences. in hindsight you have the freedom to be like “oof yeah that was not the best version of myself right there damn i don’t want to be like that again.” the growing trend of ‘here’s a 10+ page google doc complete with out of context screenshots that sometimes date back to like 2017 or earlier’ makes this kind of change impossible. because right there, you’ve just frozen a person in time, probably not at their best, removed any and all amounts of context, and put it on the internet and let other people judge it for themselves. 

so that leads into another point that i want to just kinda present to the community at large: the act of documenting behaviors and storing them for months / years at a time, in itself creates a super unsafe environment, not just for you, your friends, the people who have hurt you --- but also for anyone else that isn’t at all involved in whatever happened. like, for example, i like to think that i’m a pretty nice person. i actively try to be a nice person. am i sometimes not having the best day? have people definitely caught me in bad moments? oh hell yeah. but am i, as someone who tries really hard to be nice and welcoming, constantly thinking through every message i send to someone knowing that a) i could have a reputation that makes them read into context that isn’t there and that could contribute to them misinterpreting words i meant in a different way, b) very aware that every post i make, ask i send, message i send can at any moment be screenshotted and posted and taken out of context and either serve as someone’s only opinion of me or pile on to someone’s existing opinion of me? yeah. so in my experience, and based on people i’ve talked to, we now have this thing where you can be surface-friends wtih a lot of people, but if you want to survive in the tumblr rpc you should really only have 2-3 people that you really trust that you can actually talk about shit with. 

and lately i’ve been seeing a resurgence of posts on my dash about like “bring back xyz in the rpc” or “the reason the rpc is like this is because of xyz” and i both agree and disagree with a lot of this, but primarily i think the reason the rpc is Off lately is because everyone and their cousin has a DNI, which is --- again --- your decision and i understand and respect that, but while you know the context of every name on that DNI, other people don’t. and to be honest: other people don’t really care and honestly maybe they shouldn’t care. --- and don’t get me wrong, your friends should care if someone has hurt you. that’s important. but joe billy bob who just wants to write their character with yours is going to read through your rules, they’re going to see “do not interact with me if you follow with or interact with these people you’ve never heard of and if you want me to tell you why just message me” (which no one is ever going to do, i’m sorry to say). and say, joe billy bob also followed that other person because they were like ‘omg this blog looks cool’ --- now joe billy bob, who just wants to write cool plots, is suddenly the middle-man in some type of drama that they do not understand, and maybe they’re able to remove themselves from the situation, but even then it’s still in the back of your mind. 

this is getting long. it’ll be longer, but let’s take a brief break for me to remind you that in some cases, it’s definitely good to give your mutuals and friends a heads up when someone has done something really, really bad. like, remember x amount of years ago when some dude was like ‘i’m gonna make up a new person and say they died by suicide as a social experiment’ or ‘hey this person actively tries to force very triggering plots about abuse / rape / incest onto people and has been doing so for years and does not seem to change their ways no matter how many people try to educate them’ that’s shit people should probably know about. and it’s also okay ( in my opinion ) for your friends to be able to message you like ‘hey i saw you’re writing with x and i just wanted to let you know i had this experience with them’ if that’s something they feel comfortable doing. and if they are comfortable with you still having the autonomy to make your own decision regarding the person. 

i’ll be honest, for a second: i’ve been part of friendships and groups that have turned really toxic for one reason or another. a handful of times. there are probably people out there that are like “yeah this chick is really fake and manipulative and etc, i was friends with her back in 2019″ which, okay. yeah. i’ve definitely done shit and said shit that was not the most representative of who i want to be and who i want to become, and you probably have to. because we are human beings and we are a product of our social groups and the community around us. and you shouldn’t be chained to a version of you that isn’t you anymore. people change. they grow. you don’t have to like them, but you should respect that sometimes people don’t mesh, and that doesn’t mean any of them are bad people, it just means the experience was bad. 

a few additional notes i would like to make but i’ve already gone on way too long:

90% of the callout posts that i’ve seen and the DNI’s that i’ve seen can, in my opinion, be classified as a friend group thing. you were friends with x, x did something, now y and z aren’t friends with x anymore. pain is a very, very real thing and people hurting you should never be minimized, but at some point i just want you to remember that not every friendship is going to end happily, but both you and the other party should be allowed to move on and grow better, healthier friendships after. rehashing Friend Group Gone Wrong instances removes that ability for not only person x, but also person y and z.

you putting out a callout says just as much ( maybe more ) about you than it does about the other person. which sucks. because i’d like to think we all have great intentions, and i’m not saying that you should swallow your pain, but it might not be the kind of thing that impacts the community at large, and maybe you should try to find a better way of working through it with a trusted friend(s)

i’m going to be very real and very blunt on this one: literally no one cares. i say that with love. i’m good friends with people who have each other on their DNI’s. establish a baseline of respect and ‘i’m not going to say anything to them about you and vice versa because there’s no need for me to do so’ and move on. but seriously. no one cares. most outside people read callout posts because they like being in the know about the drama, not because they actually care. 

person a and person b who are mentioned in the DNI / callout aren’t the only ones who are going to be affected. your friends, your mutuals, your writing partners are now all put in a weird spot where you have to pick sides on an issue you know nothing about and shouldn’t have to know anything about. you’re asking people to choose sides on an issue they cannot fully understand, and that’s not fair to them or to you. and it drives great people away. and then we all lose out on having more awesome people in the rpc.

you’re entitled to your safe space, but this is a public platform and you are also responsible for maintaining your safe space. you shouldn’t put it entirely on other people to do that for you. you can block, blacklist, make up funny names for, or spitefully erase from your many anything and anyone that you wish. but you shouldn’t make your friends do it for you.

there’s always an inherent power imbalance when any kind of drama occurs between those who have more followers / friends / connections and those who do not. and the smaller blog is always going to suffer a little bit more because they don’t have people blindly coming to their defense. 

bad moments, bad experiences, bad decisions DO NOT equal bad people. 

allow people to make up their own mind about something or someone

anywho, if you read through this whole thing i think i owe you financial compensation. but also thank you for reading / listening / considering. even if you rolled your eyes through the whole thing like “stfu lia” that’s fine. i’m just presenting an alternative thought. i’d like to once again state: i’m not judging you if you’ve made a callout/DNI or if you’re on a callout/DNI. like i literally don’t care. and frankly, in my opinion, i shouldn’t have to. because i, and you, and your friends, and your mutuals, and your non-mutuals should be allowed the space to make up their own opinion and mind on something or someone without being told that there will be consequences if they don’t agree with you. set boundaries. communicate in healthy ways. you don’t have to forgive the people who have hurt or wronged you, but you also don’t get to decide that their actions make up 100% of who they are as a person, or decide that that is the only side of that person people should get to see. 

[intheticklecloset]

Haikyuu!! Sentence Starters #1-10

A collection of the Haikyuu sentence starters I've done, compiled for the sake of ease. These are all stand-alone stories.

~~~

1) Lee Noya, Ler Hinata

“Not such a tough little libero now, huh?”

The tease slipped out of Hinata’s mouth with ease as he grinned down at his friend, who was curled up in a giggling ball on the floor.

“S-Shuhuhuhut up, Hinata!” Noya protested, his face bright pink as he tried to hold back the flood that threatened to burst at any moment.

“I think you’re even more ticklish than me, Noya, and that’s saying something!” Hinata giggled along with his upperclassman, easily able to keep up with his squirmy movements. This was way easier than trying to tickle Kageyama. At least in this situation, he had a whole inch of height to his advantage!

Noya squealed and arched his back when the redhead found his lower ribs, crawling up from his sides. “N-Nohohohoho, nononono – Hinata, stahahahahap!”

Hinata beamed. “Why? I like seeing you smile and laugh like this!”

“T-Tickles – it f-frihihihihihicking tickles, Hinatahahahahaha!”

“Oh, really?” Hinata started dragging his fingers up and down the libero’s ribs, thrilled when Noya couldn’t hold back anymore and started squealing with high-pitched laughter. “I would never have guessed.”

“Hinata!” Noya managed before giving up the fight and laying back to take it, shockwave after shockwave of ticklish sensations lighting up his nervous system and making him laugh and squirm involuntarily. But – if he was honest with himself – he really didn’t mind the distraction.

*

2) Lee Noya, Ler Kageyama

“What’s wrong?” Kageyama smirked, holding Noya’s feet in his lap and trailing his fingers lazily up and down the soles. “I thought touch was your love language.”

Noya blushed furiously. “Y-Yeah, but not that kind of touch. Jeez…”

Kageyama replied by scratching his fingernail in the center of the libero’s left sole. “No? Really?”

“S-Stohohohop,” Noya giggled, covering his face with his hands and tugging at his feet half-heartedly.

In the spirit of keeping up the playfulness, Kageyama wrapped one arm around both of Noya’s ankles and held him tighter, scribbling his free hand over both feet at once.

Noya bucked his hips and tried to roll over but quickly wound up on his back again, too weak with laughter to do anything more than protest. “Nohohohohohoho!”

“I don’t know, Yuu, you do seem to be loving this just as much as if I were kissing you.”

“I ahahahahahaham not!”

“You are.” Kageyama grabbed his toes and dug in fiercely. “You should be punished for lying to my face like that.”

Noya tossed his head back and finally started laughing, gripping his stomach as if it would save him somehow. Through screechy giggles he pleaded, “Stohohohohohohop, that s-seheheheheriously tihihihihickles, Kageyama!”

The setter merely chuckled. “I know it does.”

*

3) Lee Hinata, Ler Suga

“No, I’m not giggling!”

Suga grinned. “You sure? It sounds like you are.”

“Well, I’m not!” Hinata insisted indignantly, trying desperately to reach the beetle that was crawling on his lower back, exactly where he couldn’t reach it. Another chuckle escaped him, making him blush. “Get it off of me, Suga! Why are you just standing there?”

“Because it’s cute that a bug is tickling you and you’re giggling,” Suga replied, taking out his phone. “I’ve got to show the guys.”

“H-Hey! Wait!” Hinata whirled to stop him, but his sudden movement caused the beetle to skitter a little further up his back, even more where he couldn’t reach it, and he arched his body and definitely, absolutely giggled. “S-Stohohop! Get it off of mehehehe!”

Suga laughed, holding his phone steady for the sake of his video. “Oh my god, just when I thought you couldn’t get any more fun to be around, Hinata. You’re getting tickled by a beetle.”

“Shut up, Suga!” Hinata felt the heat of his embarrassment on his cheeks, pouting as he crossed his arms, struggling to stay still as the bug crawled up towards his shoulder blades. “P-Please just get it off. Please?”

“All right, all right.” Suga stopped his recording, pocketed his phone, and went to shoo the beetle away. It flew off, unbothered, having no idea the cute scene it had just caused. “There. It’s gone.”

“You’re so mean. Are you really going to show that video?”

“Of course I am.” The silver-haired setter smirked, scribbling his fingers up and down Hinata’s spine quickly, making the redhead shriek and jolt away from him. “How can I resist?”

*

4) Lee Daichi, Ler Suga

“I told you, you didn’t have to try that,” Suga said in exasperation. “Now your arms are all red.”

“But Noya made it look so cool; I wanted to give it a go.” Daichi gave him a look. “You can’t seriously tell me you’ve never wanted to do rolling thunder before.”

Suga pressed his lips together. “Well, since you didn’t want to hear my warning, you’ll have to learn a lesson for not listening to me.”

“Isn’t nearly breaking my arms enough of a lesson learned?” The captain retorted, eyes widening when he saw wiggling fingers approaching him. He took a step back. “Suga, you wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

The setter lunged after his friend, and the two ran around the gym together, sprinting at top speeds to try and catch up to and evade each other. Eventually Suga tricked Daichi into going around the net while he ducked under it, and that finally closed the gap between them.

“No, nohohohoho, wait!” Daichi burst into giggles the instant the silver-haired setter grabbed his sides. “Dohohohohon’t do thahahahat!”

“You deserve it,” Suga shot back, grinning, “for failing to heed my oh-so-sage advice, captain. If you really want to learn rolling thunder, I’m sure Noya would be willing to teach you.”

“G-Gehehehet – get ohohohohoff! Suga!” Daichi twisted and writhed in the setter’s surprisingly strong grip, but he wasn’t going anywhere. “Stohohohohohop!”

Suga only held him closer. “Nope. This is what you get.”

*

5) Lee Daichi, Ler Ennoshita

“Leave me be!” Daichi snapped, turning his back and striding away.

Ennoshita blinked, surprised. He’d been watching the captain a lot more as of late, knowing his fellow second-years were looking to make him Daichi’s replacement once he graduated. He’d of course noticed how hard his upperclassman worked to remain a levelheaded, fair leader to the team – something he wished to do as well. But in the midst of his observations he’d also noticed that Daichi worked himself almost too hard trying to be the perfect example, and when he’d decided to suggest that he take it easy, “leave me be!” was the response he got.

“You don’t have to be a jerk about it,” he muttered. “I’m just trying to help.”

Daichi paused, then let out a sigh and looked back at him. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Ennoshita.”

The second-year smiled and put a hand on his captain’s shoulder. “It’s all right. I know you’re stressed. But that’s exactly why you should take it easy.” Then, inspired by something he’d seen Hinata doing quite a lot lately, he reached out to grab Daichi’s side and squeeze. “To start, you could smile a little more, you know?”

“Ah! W-Whahahahahahat?” Daichi sputtered, helpless against the wide smile that took over his features. He tried to squirm away, but Ennoshita gripped his shoulder even tighter.

“There you go, just like that! Next, you can laugh.” The younger boy grabbed both of his sides then, digging in deep, and Daichi shrieked before doubling over, loud giggles pouring from his mouth.

“Ennoshihihihihihita!”

“That’s my name,” Ennoshita confirmed, grinning, and kept tickling his upperclassman.

*

6) Lee Hinata, Ler Tanaka

“Come on! I see that smile! Give me the smile!”

“Stohohohohohohop! Tanakahahahahahaha!” Hinata squealed, trying his best to double over and fall to the floor. Tanaka wasn’t having it, holding onto him firmly with one arm and digging into his side with the other.

“Come on, Hinata! Stop being so mopey. We all know you’re sad and depressed because Kageyama’s sick today—”

“I’m nohohohohoohohot sahahahahad and deprehehehessed!” Hinata protested, his cheeks flaming red as tomatoes at the callout.

“—but don’t you think he’d want you to be happy and smiling with us instead of pouting all day?”

“I’m nohohohohohohot pouting!”

“Well, not anymore, you’re not!” Tanaka grinned devilishly, scribbling up to Hinata’s underarm. “Tickle, tickle, little lovebird~”

“Stahahahahahahahap!”

“Daichi!” Tanaka turned his head to his upperclassman. “You getting this?”

“Already done,” replied the captain, storing his phone away.

And Kageyama – sick in bed – opened up the video sent to him via text message and smiled, seeing his boyfriend giggling hysterically and already feeling leagues better for it.

*

7) Lee Yamaguchi, Ler Tsukishima

“Stop laughing, this is serious!”

Tsukishima’s harsh words only made Yamaguchi laugh even harder, gripping his stomach as he doubled over. “I-I cahahahahan’t hehelp it…t-thehehehehehey’re r-right – pfffhahahahaha!”

Tsukki growled in irritation. He could barely see Tadashi, having lost his sports glasses and his normal ones stowed away in his duffel bag. “They’re right where? If you see them then tell me where they are! I’m getting impatient.”

Yamaguchi finally regained enough breath to manage, “T-They’re…right there, Tsukki. Around your neck. They just fell, that’s all.”

Blinking, Tsukki looked down and felt around his neck for his spectacles, and sure enough, that’s exactly what had happened. He let out a sigh and put them back on, adjusting them so he could see his friend’s face, pink from laughing and with a wide smile still in place.

“You think this is funny?” Tsukki sauntered up to him. “I’ll give you something to laugh about.”

“Huh? W-Wait!” Tadashi tried getting away, but his blonde friend was taller and stronger and way more intimidating, and it wasn’t long at all before he felt fingers in his ribs, tickling deeply, precisely, drawing out unintentional giggles and squeaks. “Nohohohohoho! I’m sohohohohorry – plehehehehehehease! Tsukkiehehehehehehehe!”

*

8) Lee Tanaka, Ler Daichi

“Dude, you’re way too soft on them,” Daichi said, shaking his head as he watched their two wild first-years sprint out of the gym, no doubt racing to the lockers as though their lives depended on it.

Tanaka shrugged. “Eh, so they’re a little nuts. So was I, when I first started. You were easy on me then.”

“I wasn’t the captain then.”

“And I’m not their captain now. Hopefully ever, dear god.” Tanaka laughed, clapping Daichi on the shoulder. “Relax, dude, they’ll turn out fine. I did, didn’t I?”

Daichi looked at him, and his expression softened. “Yeah, I suppose you did. Still…” He reached for his underclassman’s sides, digging in deep and enjoying the surprised yell he got in return. “I think you could use a lesson yourself, knucklehead.”

“Ack! N-No, ha-hahahahang on a second, I d-dohohon’t need – god, Daichi! Stahahahahap!” Tanaka sputtered and finally broke down into giggles, trying to worm his way out of the older boy’s grip. “Cahahahan’t you lehehehet me d-defehehehend myself for f-fihihihihive seheheheconds?!”

“Mmm…no,” Daichi decided, grinning, tickling even harder. Tanaka finally began to laugh, doubling over and trying to bat the captain’s hands away. “No, I don’t think I can, my friend.”

*

9) Lee Suga, Ler Daichi

“Okay but look, guys – it’s so deep!” Daichi exclaimed, drilling his finger even deeper into Suga’s navel.

Suga was lying on the floor, back arched, head tossed back with throes of laughter, hands pushing weakly at Daichi’s while the captain straddled him, pinning him in place for this ticklish torture.

“STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!!” Suga screamed, laughing louder and harder than anyone on the team had ever heard before. He kicked his legs uselessly, face turning red. “PLEHEHEHEHEASE!!”

“Holy crap, dude,” Tanaka laughed, kneeling down a few paces away to get a better look while the others simply stared on from behind him. “Are you kidding me with that laugh? You sound like a hyena!”

“I DOHOHOHOHOHOHO NOHOHOHOHOHOHOT!!” Suga cried, but he knew he did. He let out a loud squeal, then a snort, and his laughter turned so hysterical it was practically wild.

The others started laughing with him, catching his infectious giggles.

Daichi finally let up after another few moments, scribbling over his belly lightly to bring him gently back down from his tickle-high, and then at last easing up completely. “Your hyena laugh is the best, Suga.”

The silver-haired setter gasped for breath and let out a few residual giggles. “I’m glad you like it, you bully,” he groaned, but he was smiling.

*

10) Lee Tanaka, Ler Hinata

“Don’t poke me!”

Hinata grinned, proceeding to poke Tanaka again anyway. “Why? Does it tickle?”

“You little—!” Tanaka tried to grab him and tickle him first, but Hinata had always had speed on his side, and the redhead had scrambled behind his upperclassman and latched onto him, drilling into his ribs and sides. The second-year let out a yelp, trying to keep from laughing. “Gah! Get off! Hinata, this isn’t funny!”

“I think it’s funny,” Hinata replied, giggling as though to prove his point. He reached up even further into Tanaka’s underarm, and that’s when the upperclassman finally broke and started cackling.

“Nohohohohohoho! You lihihihihihittle jeheheheheheherk!”

“Aw, you’re ticklish, Tanaka!”

“I knohohohohow that! You dohohohohon’t need to tehehehehehell me!”

The redhead beamed, tickling under both arms now. “Tickle, tickle, tickle!”

“Stahahahahap it, you fihihihihihirst-year brahahahahat!”

Hinata laughed. “You sound like Tsukki.”

“I sohohohohohohound nothing lihihihihike that stuck-up – ahahahahahahaha nohohohohoho!” Tanaka tried to wiggle away from Hinata’s fingers along his neck and shoulders but found he was attached quite firmly and couldn’t be shaken off. “Hinata, stahahahahahap already!”

“Okay, fine…” Hinata relented, finally letting him go, grinning. But when Tanaka whirled on him, evil smirk in place, the redhead knew he’d made a mistake in conceding so quickly. He turned on his heel and ran.

[julies-butterflies]

A Quick Announcement: The Vampire Reggie AU, Bad Breakups, and “Vampire Anon”

Hey, everybody! I’m Lydia, thessalonike on AO3, author of a lot of fics for this fandom, including the Vampire Reggie AU, “kill your heroes (and then kill them again)”.

If you don’t mind, I’m going to get a little personal for a second. What follows is a description of mental health issues, including suicidal thoughts/actions, toxic relationships, and cyberbullying. All of that stuff is under the cut, if you want to proceed. It’s not my style to be public about this, but I’ve been given no choice.

          This isn’t a callout post, but it is a warning.

Basically, the Vampire Reggie AU is going in a different direction.

I never intended it to get this long. Certainly not to turn into my longest fic — an AU I’ve put a lot of time, effort, and care into. You could even say love. I do love this fic — and I loved the enthusiasm someone in my life had for it. We met over this fic, actually; they engaged me in a whole friendship, based around talking about the fic (anyone remember “Vampire Anon”?); and eventually, as we got to know each other, it turned into a romantic relationship.

Does that sound a little weird to you? Yeah, maybe it was. There were times I even joked the girl was only dating me for my fics, or wanted to date Vampire Reggie more than me. (It was funny… at the time.) As time went on… this story became less about me, and more about her. 

She had a very specific idea for where the Vampire Reggie AU would go: ultimately, she wanted Reggie to lose himself completely, to become a monster and kill Luke and Alex; then Bobby would be forced to kill him, and it would end in a whole bloodbath. Not exactly my style of fic, but… that’s what she wanted. And I cared about this girl. I wanted to make her happy. Sure, I said, I’d write the fic she wanted to read.

It’s funny how people can just… take control of the narrative. She’s good at that.

To be completely, brutally honest: our breakup was rough. I’ve been having a lot of problems in my personal life this past year. The deaths of family members and a turbulent home situation left me depressed and struggling with a lot of emotions, which I’ve used fanfic to cope with. My ex-girlfriend… knew this. She knew I was having a hard time… yet in our breakup, she still felt it was necessary to say extremely triggering things to me. “Your first instinct is always to hurt people; that’s the sort of person you are. You’re a bully. No one wants someone like that in their life.”

(Bear in mind, this was our first fight. I’d gotten angry she’d ghosted me all day after cancelling plans the night before; I said something bitchy out of anger. Once things had calmed down, I took accountability; I recognized I was out of line and had hurt her, apologized, and promised to do better in the future… but, none of this mattered to her. In her eyes, I was a toxic partner. She told me in order to continue our relationship, I needed to change how I get angry — that is, I needed to not react to my anger in any way that’s isn’t “pottery!” or “punching a pillow!”. She didn’t say “abusive” but the implication was strong.)

I had a breakdown that night. It was a long time coming, due to many factors, but… her words really pushed me over the edge. I… tried to kill myself. Failed, thankfully, or I wouldn’t be here! But… yeah, it was a rough time. I wasn’t in a good mental state for a while afterwards, and I’m still not… totally recovered. I am in therapy, I’m getting support from my family and friends, working through it… I’m in a better place now, but it’s been very rough. Things have been… really, really hard.

The day after my breakdown, I reached out to her, asking if we could talk. I also made the mistake of confiding in someone I thought was a friend — who promptly blocked me, and informed my ex what I’d done. My ex’s response to learning I’d tried to hurt myself over her words was to publicly announced to our shared Discord server, full of people who knew us both, that she’d broken up with me, that I was “gone,” and would not be coming back to the server or fandom.

She didn’t ask me if this was okay. She didn’t ask me if it was true. She chose to make our dirty laundry public without my consent, then proceeded to hoard sympathy from people we barely knew. When I tried to contact her over this, she’d already blocked me on all platforms. 

I made my own public statement after she announced this without my consent: clarifying that yes, we’d broken up, it was mutual, and no, I wasn’t leaving the fandom. 

Since then, I’ve just been trying to keep my head down and just write for the fandom I love, in the community I felt comfortable in. My ex and my former friend have contacted the mods of the server, claiming to be “uncomfortable” with my presence there. I believe My ex has been talking behind my back to other people, possibly even describing very personal details. She claims I’m “harassing her”. Now, I’ve only reached out once since the breakup, asking if she wants to talk. She’s made it clear she does not — by never replying, even when I asked “why are you doing this?”. 

She just wants me out of the fandom, out of the space she’s claimed for herself. She’s still active in the community now, on Discord and Tumblr, and she has a right to those spaces. I’m not trying to drive her out. But she thinks she can drive me out? 

Yeah. That’s not what’s going to happen here.

The stories I have written for this fandom are mine; the joy the JATP fandom has brought me is real, and not at all soured by her; and I still have a place here, even if certain people want me gone. This is my fic… not hers, not anyone else’s. This is my narrative, and she doesn’t get to take it away.

Sorry to get really personal in the author’s notes here. Ranting to strangers is not my style at all… but I haven’t had the chance to tell my story before, and, seeing as she’s been getting others involved, talking behind my back, and still trying to force me out, I have to set the record straight.

Vampire Reggie will continue (and so will I!). Hang in there, I promise — the ending will be worth it.

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 12 Reactions: Mando goes on a self care sidequest with friends and now the Razor Crest can fly again

- before we talk about ANYTHING else I have to mention once again: 

shut UP they have a statue for IG-11 in the town square!!!!! right outside the school like he’s guarding it!!! I am  c r y i n g

- that opening scene was Everything; I have had exactly this type of conversation with my dad so many times when I was a kid and he was fixing up our about-to-fall-apart house (though he’s an electrician so he wouldn’t have let me within fifteen kilometers of anything electrical that was still powered lol. it’s okay tho let’s just assume that star wars tech has extra fail safes for these things that we don’t, the baby is clearly fine)  

callout post for Din Djarin: does not own furniture, literally sits on a crate in the middle of the cargo hold to eat dinner, has presumably been living like this for decades, help him 

them sipping soup perfectly in sync 😭😭😭 (for some reason I find it so funny that din lifts up and then lowers the helmet for every mouthful fsaldkfhjsadfh it’s such a... I almost want to say dainty? way of doing it and my heart is full of so much affection)   

I wonder if they’ve been eating together like this for a while or if it’s din doing just a tiny bit of testing his boundaries now that he knows there are different schools of thought on the helmet thing to see how he feels about it? the baby is extremely curious, but that could also be because he’s seen people take the  helmet off completely now and made the connection that presumably his dad has a face above the chin under there too lol 

-

grandpa greef... things I didn’t know I needed but am delighted to get

the way the mando music goes soft and relaxed and almost playful when din spots greef and cara? fcking kills me ludwig göranson going for my throat once again

 - 

“hmmm why isn’t this working... the puppy eyes usually work on dad eventually this is unprecedented & concerning” 

a baby committing baby crimes through the force and getting away with it mostly scot-free... delightful, wonderful in every way    

‘batuu!’ ;_________; baby has a word for food?

- 

din’s Dad Instincts kicking in... I’m emotional over how casually protective he is with things like this, and that he showed signs of it even before meeting the baby (he’s also the last one to stay behind on the platform to make sure the rest of them make it out safely before they start running.... your honor im love this man more than anything he is Dad)

that soft steady protective-but-not-possessive masculinity baBEY 

- I am entranced by the difference between din’s fighting style in the last episode -- when he was continually on the back foot and out of sync with the people he fought with -- and in this episode, where he’s back in one man army mode. (he does take on sort of a protective role when he fights with friends -- he’s not quite fighting with them all the time he’s more like a shepherding dog circling them and making sure they’re okay lol) turns out he fights much better with -- for! -- people he actually trusts and knows and likes and who aren’t manipulating him huh :)   

- the mythrol dude says in the first episode that he’s a ‘fledgling’, and it makes everything about him so much funnier when you assume he’s his species equivalent of a teenager/twentysomething fsdfsdjkfhsd (he oh so 100% sold din out at the beginning there tho :( the most charitable interpretation is that he didn’t quite know the scope of it -- he did seem just as surprised as the rest of them that gideon isn’t dead, so maybe he thought that weird alien mechanic dude wanted to know about the crest for more mundanely nefarious reasons?)

they are kind of shitty towards him tho I feel a bit bad for him haha 

- at least din knows moff gideon is still alive now and can take appropriate precautions as far as possible? on the other hand he doesn’t know about the tracker and I am so scared help  

- man I wish gina carano wasn’t such a godawful person so I could appreciate cara dune’s overarms and interesting character development in peace but as it stands... yeah 

- @ all the people whining about when we get to ahsoka... meet me in the ring for dishonorable combat I am smol and sort of skinny these days but I have decades of pent up rage and no compunctions about fighting dirty on my side lol 

listen... I love ahsoka as much as the next person, but we already have two shows’ worth of content for her. just let me have my thirty minutes a week of slice of life dad and baby nonsense without it being overshadowed by Plot and more established characters okay (and also if the rumours are right about who is going to play her... double  y e a h  that’s going to be fun to navigate emotionally :/)    

- I actually really liked that they went back to nevarro to answer some old questions (where did those empire dudes even come from?? what’s going on with pershing and why am I so weirdly happy to see him again when clearly he is bad news??? what do they need the baby for exactly? how are cara and greef but mostly greef now sadly doing?) and update that whole storyline a bit, while opening even more questions. also stop midichlorian-counting yodito’s blood you fucking creeps

the (likely) midichlorian mention didn’t bother me that much because this show already thrives on the tension between the mythic and mystical and the weirdly mundane and realistic, it’s the one star wars thing I trust to handle the Force the same way without losing the magic of it

- seeing the armorer’s forge like that was honestly upsetting to me haha, I know the forge isn’t what makes her what she is but still 

-

greef karga is a huge bitch and I like him so much

I do like greef’s character growth, though -- it feels a bit like some older and more idealistic (well comparatively) part of him has finally gotten out from under the empire’s boot and restored itself, it’s sweet. he’s doing administrative things that have the whole town blooming! there are plants and living things thriving there now! he wants to establish a safe trading hub!

- f for this poor harried new republic officer, captain carson teva, who along with trapper wolf is apparently responsible for policing the entire outer rim haha

I like the complicated tension between him and the other characters here -- both sides have very good reasons to hold the points of view they do and it’s easy to see why it’s so hard for them to work together but at least this guy is trying to be fair about it     

- the way they all immediately agreed when din went straight into ‘get. baby. NOW everything else is secondary’ dad mode and let him go off on his own even tho he would probably have been real useful to have around T______T friendshipppp 

baby FINALLY strapped in securely I gave a little shout of triumph haha

the way he was like ‘free cookies! (everything’s free if you steal it #baby yoda life hacks) helping dad with stuff! high speed dog fights! BEST! DAY! EVER!’ through the whole scene right up until he was finally sick but it’s okay because dad is here and will fix it even while he’s driving... don’t even look at me I can’t 

- din being in a much more stable and happy place after going to friends for help (and the way it’s reflected in his ship! my theory still stands strong haha)....... mngh im not crying give this man some community he so clearly needs it 

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze my favorite war criminal, aka calling out norman the essay

basically all of my thoughts on norman on one callout post because i care him (both manga and anime are discussed)

LINK TO RAY PSYCHOANALYSIS:  https://chaoticgaymess.tumblr.com/post/646749875570196480/ray-81194-the-long-explanation 

this is going to be ungodly long so here’s a keep reading, essay below the cut

((tw for suicidal ideation and self harm, brief discussion of eating disorders))

Disclaimer: no shipping is included here this is just about norman also they’re kids who call each other siblings

Thoughts: So you may be thinking, Rowan, why do you yell about the colorless war criminal so often? Well the answer lies in your honor the court hates to see a girlboss winning. Norman is a girlboss :) Yes norman is a tiny twink who can't lift a milk jug. And he is a girlboss :) Obviously I don't condone, um, eugenics and all, but that's not the point the point is that he satisfies my need for more characters like Levi motherfucking Calder from Unwind because I’m apparently an edgy 13 year old. Also all of his problems are violently things I can fix and I keep him around as a pet project because someone needs to give him a hug and slap him on the face

I diagnose him with things: 

-pisces man :pensive:

-is he albino? Not literally. Is his skin so pale he would catch fire if he went outside at noon? Yes.

-autism: Yes I’m aware that calling him autistic makes him, problematic rep by perpetuating the autism unfeeling savant stereotype whatever but have you considered i’m autistic and I’m projecting also he’s L with standards? Anyway traits of AuTism he has: hyper   fixation, canonically breaks and fixes things over and over because like ofc he does, doesn’t understand Emotion, hyperaware of body language at the same time as it all somehow flying over his head, low empathy, sensory experiences™, min maxed in certain areas, and I don’t think he’s got social interaction quite right? There’s something off about it

-gifted kid (derogatory) This is self explanatory but basically him being the smartest and the best in a competitive environment caused most of his issues, such as the perfectionism, the need to succeed, the lack of self esteem and ridiculously high expectations on himself, giving himself no breaks or time to relax, the “i must be productive with every second of my day or i will die” deal, the “peaked at 11” thing, the way in which he goes through life like there’s going to be a fucking test on it

-Eldest Daughter™ lmao. Norman’s always had to be mature, he’s always had to be the best, he’s always had to do the things Ray got out of bc he’s a snitch and Emma got out of because Isabella likes her. Norman gets respect from Isabella only if he excels, and her bar for him is astronomical. He doesn’t have the Mommy Issues that Ray has, but it’s because for him Isabella basically just reflected his expectations on himself, whereas with Ray it was more personal.

-low empathy (part of the autism thing): this one needs more explanation, but it’s not a bad thing in and of itself. Cognitive empathy is a thing and he can use it, but he does not instinctively understand other people’s emotions, or even recognize them properly, especially when the person is not like himself. This is obvious in Emma. Man has no fucking clue what’s going on in her head or why she does what she does, but he can predict what she will do in any given situation very well. He could understand the suicide attempt from ray he predicted more because Ray’s an easier equation to solve, and someone who’s more similar to him. I know he gets it because, well, motherfucker’s just as self desctructive as him, just in a more dignified manner.

-he’s got some sort of chronic illness. This is also me projecting and a headcanon but he’s got something going on, even before lambda pumped him full of growth hormones or whatever which they maybe should have Not Done but oh well. (I assume this just didn’t happen in the anime, since he’s still so fucking short) But he's So weak. He passed out when it was too hot. He passed out when it was too cold. He can’t open a pickle jar. His skin is too pale and he’s skinny af. He’s much more prone to sickness and probably has asthma too? But in the case that he did actually have something going on, I don’t think grace field would see the need to treat it, if it didn’t impact the quality of his meat? Isabella’s probably just “you have chronic pain and you get migraines? Great, take some tylenol and do some calculus.” Can’t say that probably helped anything.

personality type: ISTJ

Basically, he’s the most boring personality type to exist, and personally as an enfp i do not respect him. But basically this means he’s a fucking nerd that gets his projects done for school the day they’re assigned, is probably the president of the Anime Student Council™, and could probably get away with premeditated murder (ok actual istjs this is a joke don’t skin me)

The only trait that norman doesn’t have on the istj thing is telling the truth. Yeah, he values the truth, but like, that doesn’t apply to him, clearly. Bitch is a notorious liar.

The only other personality type he has any similarity with is intj, which is the same except it’s more rare and a purple theme instead of a blue theme. Sadly, that’s not him though, because although he can care more about some kinds of philosophy overall this isn’t the case and ray already occupies this personality type tbh. 

strengths and weaknesses: This one’s kind of obvious, but he is aside from the crazy insane intelligence good at planning. Extremely good at planning. He can predict any outcome and figure out how to prevent it, using all his resources. For example he’s physically weak and someone could literally just walk up and stab him, but it doesn’t impede his progress on his goals because he’s surrounded himself with strong, mentally inferior people who would die for him in a heartbeat. He never gets stuck in some “everything is shit and i can’t do anything” deal like Emma and Ray do, he always works through it and has confidence in his abilities (in as much as he will solve the problem or die™. Weaknesses other than his twink body include his Low Wisdom score. It’s funny how he’s often associated with an owl, the mans is 14. He thinks he knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t. Plus obviously his fundamental misunderstanding of so much of everything going on around him, the fact that he lies not just to the world but himself, his refusal to take care of himself and his incredible cowardice. His achilles heel is being forced to, actually confront his actions.

what he likes about himself: He does pride himself on his mental abilities, and his judgement, which in his opinion is the only correct opinion and the only correct way. In the past, he likes being seen as a leader, he likes being responsible for other people. He likes his ability to manipulate and lie, because he sees it as an asset, and I honestly think he enjoys being william minerva more than he enjoys being Norman. He prides himself on his unhealthy expectations and the fact that he is able to meet them. Honestly, he does think he’s better than everyone else, mentally, though it’s humbled by his self hatred. Cursed thought: If Norman had self esteem he would be light yagami. 

what he doesn’t like about himself/insecurities: Oh god, nearly everything. His appearance, his status, his superiority, his physical inability, his own mess of a mind, also have I mentioned his appearance. He’s obsessed with self control. He wants everything he sees wrong with himself gone. And I understand why having control of everything is necessary and appealing, everything for him has always been rigid and planned out from moment one, he was even more regulated in lambda, and though he desperately wants to Not Be Food, he has no idea what to do with the chains now that he’s broken out of them. So he just wraps them around himself. Regulates to an unhealthy degree when he sleeps, what he eats, when he actually takes even minimal care of his own problems, what he looks like, how much of himself he lets show, the expressions on his face, the literal thoughts inside his own head he will shut down if they are not Correct. It’s literal self harm. Norman, please stop it.

motivations/goals in life/general philosophy: To be honest, I’m not sure he knows what he wants. He sure thinks he does, he could sure give you a memorized answer, but it means nothing. He wants to excel. He wants Emma to be happy. He wants to be perfect and for that to make everything perfect. But he doesn’t realize everything he’s working towards will do pretty much the opposite of that. He’s a crippling perfectionist, and pretty much everything he does is motivated by his fear of failing. He picks the certain path, he doesn’t wait for anyone else, he doesn’t care if it’s not nice. Emma foils that a most of the time because he cares about her, but it can only go so far, especially after he’s had so much time without her to develop a Complex. His philosophy is very contradictory, basically the tokyo ghoul “everything bad that happens to you stems from a lack of ability”. All of his problems are his fault. All the world’s problems are his to fix. If he can’t fix them, it’s his fault, it’s because he wasn’t strong enough, and not being perfect condemns someone forever, including himself.

how he’s perceived by others vs how he actually is: In most people there wouldn’t truly be much of a difference, but with Norman things are different, because, well, most of his personality in grace field is a put on, as well as the tough guy dictator thing he radiates after lambda. How he appears to someone is determined by the context of their meeting- the kids at grace field see him as a nerdy, weakish, pretty boring kid who is really caring and kind. The researchers at lambda see an obedient, beaten down and perfectionistic boy. The lambda kids see him as an infallible leader, ruthless and genius, a good man who knows what’s right. But in truth none of that is him. It’s a fucking chess game to him, putting on different faces, lying and pretending and treating everyone differently. In truth? He’s a fucking coward. He’s scared out of his mind and he’s tired and he can’t take pain, he’s obsessed with reaching some goal he deems is necessary that in the end is going to be his death because he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions. He’s taken on the role of someone evil, though deep down he’s not, he feels it’s easier to live that way because it strips him of his conscience. 

interpersonal relationships: In general, Norman sees all relationships in a pretty dim light. He sees everyone as black and white, for the most part, and other people make no sense to him intuitively, he has to figure them out like a puzzle. He’s manipulative and not particularly kind, but he follows all societal expectations to a T, overly focused on his appearance and placing the person he’s interacting with into a Category™. So he can be truly kind, to people he feels deserve it, to people who he values and doesn’t see flaws in. He gets incredibly attached to people he loves, protective, though he often doesn’t take their own feelings on the matter into consideration, and he’s ruthless with anyone who he deems a bad person. With people he understands and relates to, though, things can be different. If he sees someone as like himself, he will drop all the social interaction police bullshit and cut to the chase of whatever he wants or needs from them, and he’s not very forgiving in any manner, if he thinks what someone did is actually bad.

Emma: Norman obviously cares a lot about Emma, and honestly views her as better than anyone else. He realizes her moral integrity and all of the things she has and he doesn’t, and admires it. Because of his black and white view, Emma is like an angel to him. She couldn’t do anything wrong if she tried. But he comes to treat her as something to be protected instead of respected, and although he realizes she wouldn’t like what he’s doing, he fundamentally cannot empathize with her and doesn’t try to understand her. Their personalities are very literally opposite. Norman really needs to fucking listen to her. And Emma needs to understand that Norman doesn’t have a single ounce of empathy and you really do need to spell it out for him. Emma can only convince him when she has logical reasons for her actions, which she, doesn’t often have. And Emma gave Norman too much slack, because she didn’t see past the surface, and Ray never wanted to warn her, even though he knew the dude was showing a bunch of red flags, because you know. It was kind of an unspoken deal between them. (on ray’s part)

Ray: His relationship with Ray is a lot more complicated than with Emma. He understands Ray, where he doesn’t understand Emma, and he can see right through anything Ray does. And this makes things really tense between them, because Ray doesn’t, take kindly to being psychoanalyzed. If someone perceives him he will deck them and Norman is just there silently perceiving him at all times when Emma doesn’t see it. They are both constantly in competition with each other, but they care about each other a lot, though it’s kind of in a derogatory way. They both recognize each other as fundamentally fucked up, and silently agree never to bring it up with Emma. They’re nice to each other when she’s around, but all pretenses disappear when she’s gone. Ray is always frustrated with Norman, because Norman’s never been intimidated by him, and though he tries his best not to be vulnerable around him, Norman can always see through it, whereas Ray can’t crack Norman’s fake fucking smile no matter what he does. Norman will always take Emma’s side, and doesn’t see Ray as a good person at all, but he still understands and can excuse him, he takes measures to be… worse than Ray, which is better in his mind, because it’s rational, and ‘not selfish’.

Isabella: She has always had ridiculously high expectations for Norman, and treats him kind of harshly compared to the others. Bitch has heat stroke and Isabella’s first question is a calculus problem instead of like, “are you ok”. She knows he doesn’t complain about anything ever and she doesn’t stop him from being Terrible to himself, because it makes her job easier. They want smart kids, not mentally adjusted kids. She does really care for all of them, but she basically overrides it, she gives them what they want, not what they need, lets them be exactly what they’re making themselves. Isabella is distant with Ray but gives him anything he wants, she’s close and super nice with Emma, but Norman is… it’s weird. Isabella is proud of him because he meets her astronomically high bar. But at the same time, Norman never really cared for her that much and has never pretended to. Once they discover The Thing, though, he has a revelation, and it doesn’t take him long to switch his entire perspective about her. He’s pretty much like. Oh. She’s like me. That explains it, time to treat her like I treat myself: fucking brutally. Passive aggressive as hell. The kind of energy the :) emoticon at the end of an email gives. He does like just go “yeah we should kill her” at one point, which. You know, ok. When he got shipped out it was hhhh really interesting because Isabella knew full well he knew he was walking to his death and Norman was like “are you Truly Happy?” and just went :) and she was like h u h and tried to get him to talk while they were walking there because she feels Bad about it and he just. Did not. He didn’t say a single word just kind of smiled menacingly at her and I think it was half a sort of rebellion and half because he viewed her as similar to himself and therefore felt no need to put up any front with her, no words were necessary for him to impart exactly how he felt about it

Lambda kids: His relationship with the lambda kids is weird and bittersweet. I think he really truly does care about them, they were in a similar situation to his and he wants them to get what they want. However it is not a healthy or beneficial relationship, they see him as a god and don’t realize that he’s killing himself to give them what they want, he’s basically adopted them when out of anyone norman’s the one that should least be in charge of kids. I think he’s honestly younger than them but I’m not sure if they even know. He acts like their fucking mom, and that’s from what he thinks mothers are like… like isabella?? Giving them what they want, not what they need, lying to them, showing a front, caring deeply for them but at the same time using them for his own ends. And it’s not helpful for him. He thinks he knows what they need, but what he’s doing is what they want. What they need is therapy,(and so does norman), and he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with using them as weapons because they love him. It makes him feel good, to be seen as perfect, to have people who don’t know how weak he really is. But it’s only making him worse, and he’s enabling everything the lambda kids are doing wrong as well. They need like, Yuugo and Lucas. Some actual adults who are actually wise and have the ability and the knowledge to take care of them and understand their mental problems and maybe actually address them. And actually be nice to them. But um sadly. 

what he’s doing wrong: It’s pretty obvious, but… Norman, you maybe *shouldn’t* commit genocide? You’re not helping emma, you’re not making anything better. You’re not helping the lambda kids, you’re enabling them. You’re not helping your friends from grace field, you’re ignoring what they want. You’re not helping the world, you’re eradicating an entire race from the face of the earth and murdering the poor for the crimes of the fucking 1%. You’re not being a martyr, you’re a selfish piece of shit liar you little coward, you just want an easy way out and you want to die on your bloody fucking hill instead of admitting you’re wrong. Grow up, cringe little man.

why he went wrong: I think most of the reason this happened was the way he was raised combined with the kind of person he is. Norman would have turned out fine, if there has been good adults in his life who actually cared about his well being. Instead he got people who just wanted to control him and make him what they needed, and family who largely didn’t realize there was anything wrong. Ray being an ass to him most of forever probably didn’t help but well, that’s just Ray. Even then, he would have managed alright if he escaped with the rest of the kids because he would never have been separated from the experiences that caused the rest of them to realize demons weren’t all evil. In lambda he didn’t have anyone supporting him or telling him when things went too far, so he fell into relying on himself alone, pushing himself further with absolutely no limits. All he saw was enemies and allies, and things got stratified. He never had a lucas or a yuugo or mujika when he would have needed it, instead he found children who wanted him to be in charge and a world that made it so he had to be. Everything was an echo chamber for his worst thoughts, so they just became more and more dominant.

what he needs: To put it simply, he needs Emma and Ray to cut to the chase and slap him across the face and make him take care of himself. He needs to be forced to see everything for what it really is- this edgy 14 year old committing atrocities to feel better about himself? He needs to be told that what he’s doing is irrational, because in reality, it is. There are better solutions that he’s ignoring, both to his own suffering and the demons, and the way he’s going now no one will truly be happy because of it, that there is no requirement that things be perfect and this bullshit doesn’t make him stronger. He needs someone responsible to take the fucking dagger out of his hands. He also needs someone to babysit him and make him go to bed at a reasonable time.

i describe his personality through songs on my spotify playlist for him:

-outrunning karma by alec benjamin: this one super applies because it calls him out for making shitty decisions, being manipulative and a liar, and having blood on his hands in a very calm and subdued manner, that he knows this is wrong and yet he chooses to keep running faster and faster towards destruction, that he means to escape it through death

-empty by boyinaband and jaiden: yes this is a song about anorexia yes it also applies to norman i’m not saying norman literally has an eating disorder (but honestly it wouldn’t be far out of character if he did) but metaphorically this applies to his method of ignoring his needs, both emotional and physical, in favor of seeming in control 

-toxic thoughts by faith marie: this one speaks to his gifted kid trauma. Man’s got perfectionism running his entire soul. He’s terrified of failing, because he’s always been at the very top, he’ll beat himself up over any miniscule mistake and forces himself to keep at bad habits that keep him Productive, but he won’t ask for help no matter how much he’s suffering because that would be failing, he fights with his mind, this song basically tells him “yeah i feel you but you need to stop that”

-no time to die by billie eilish: ignore the romantic overtones but this is emma and norman, emma who trusted norman and was lied to, betrayed, for norman’s greater good, and norman who refuses to feel or hurt because of it, who refuses to apologize or see himself as wrong, pushes forward because he’s going to Pass Away

-achilles come down by gang of youths: hhhhh it's like. His vibe. Obviously you can disregard the lifestyle specific shit but it's. It's achilles come down you have to understand it’s like the same deal as friend, please just like french and longer

-friend, please by 21 pilots: i feel like i don't have to explain this one but it’s more to the manga (not the anime where he kind of figures out he done did wrong by himself instead of committing unforgivable sins and still going yeah this is valid before emma is like holy fuck). He is like sorry emma I cannot fix anything I’m going to die :) *coughs blood* and emma going like stop it stop it stop it fuck you see you fucked up and i forgive you just stop don’t walk away while he’s like “no<3”

why im a repressed little norman kinnie even tho he’s my exact opposite: I don’t generally kin ppl like norman, honestly he’s an infj I have no clue how it happened but I’m pretty sure it’s because of my intense desire to project onto a little man who cannot lift a milk jug and has chronic pain and decides you know what I AM tired of being nice i DO wanna go apeshit. Also he’s a twink. A little bastard. He’s a terrible person and I go mood every time he does anything. I said mood when he fell out of a tree. Don’t know what this says about me, I swear I wouldn’t commit no genocide. He’s like the inverse of Yoichi Saotome, and somehow i kin him too. Damn.

Miscellaneous headcanons:

-man’s SO attached to his william minerva cloak. He’s a wispy little bitch, you know he’s wearing that thing inside the house, he’s fucking cold. It also makes him Look Important he can retreat into it like an emo middle schooler with an oversized sweatshirt

-although you could probably get Mad street cred from having two whole brands you know he’s not gonna whip it out and show off his lambda thing he’s incredibly self conscious and his chest hasn’t seen the sun in years

-norman’s got MAD laundry skills to be able to wear like, all white all the time while constantly murdering people. I think he’s the only one who knows to do the laundry. And Ray is the only one who knows how to cook.

-but even then there’s gotta still be a few questionable stains on that thing, but if anyone asks he’s like “ketchup” “I’ve literally never seen you eat anything with that much color” “ketchup :)” *coughs blood*

-he’s probably thought “well i have not literally coughed blood yet today so I am not legally obligated to take care of myself”

-He probably adopted much of his current personality from taking on the persona of william minerva. I’m calling him out for being like me, he’s a blank motherfucker, he absorbs personality traits from characters he plays! He’s just not in theatre so it’s a bit more intense!

-the first time he sees barbara Eating Demon Meat he kinda stares and goes oh cool! not for me and violently exits the room. Like it's hilarious bc he thinks that's really gross on a moral level though he understands why she would do it 

-Which is even funnier bc I’m not sure about the canon on this but there was That Chapter Cover that one time that kinda seemed to imply norman eating demon meat which i absolutely latched onto because I’m terrible. He was just politely eating it. With a knife and fork like why dude. As to a possible reason for him doing that I can come up with, of course barbara does it out of spite, but man we don’t know the properties, if it had some sort of painkilling aspect to it or it was like, caffeine, you know he would, but he would Definitely not talk about it

-I kinda disagree with what the anime did in episode eight? It was good I liked it and the imagery was fantastic but also have you considered Norman could not kill someone with his own hands if he tried, or even physically injure them? That’s what his minions are for shawty. That doesn’t make it any less bad, of course, but the manga captured it perfectly by the fact of he carries around a dagger and a scepter in the capitol battle, but he never even raises it out of more than intimidation. He walks through calmly like he’s not scared at all but he makes sure all the lambda kids do all the actual murder, he just stands there impartially, clearly The Mastermind, as the kids fucking murder the queen of the demons. And I think that’s more profound because he’s, a coward. And he doesn’t realize being the one who orders the strike makes you just as responsible as the one who sticks the knife in someone. The knife is just there to Compensate™  for the fact that he weighs like eighty pounds.

-he’s more of like lady macbeth (because he’s a girlboss) than macbeth himself. He has blood on his hands, but it’s the kind of blood that you can’t wash off. He never killed anyone himself, and he cannot admit he never would have been able to.

-the last thing is that there are definitely epic things about the anime, episode 8 was my favorite so far, goddamn that imagery and the bitch walking through the city while it burns down with the screaming asmr going on behind him my god. We stan. But like the downside of, letting Emma and Ray get to him before he commits first degree murder makes the whole thing lose a lot of his value. In the manga (oh my god look at me being a pretentious manga fan please) it fit more of his ideas- he never backed down, and he planned for Emma coming and trying to stop him. Of course he wanted Emma to stop him, he wanted it with all his fucking heart he was pleading for it to happen but the man wouldn’t give himself what he wanted if he was held at gunpoint. He knew she’d come and he made absolutely sure she wouldn’t be able to stop him. So when she came and he said “you’re too late”??? It kind of said it all, in the fact that he was disappointed that he got his way. He still thought he did the right thing, but deep down there where he shoved all his thoughts and feelings he desperately wanted to be saved from himself.

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Feel free to eviscerate me if these are not Correct he is just my favorite girlboss who I feel the need to yell at

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

Alright alright alright

You’ve all been asking for it, so here it is! 

This will be (edit: HELLA) long and obviously spoiler-y, so everything is under a cut. 

Are you ready?

Before we get to it, I want to mention that for the sake of keeping things organized, I will NOT be talking about my AU (@ask-whitepearl-and-steven​) in this post. I want to just analyze the show as a viewer and a fan first. I’ll make a seperate post for AU-thoughts a bit later.

Without further ado:

EP 1: LITTLE HOMESCHOOL

This is a great way to open up the episode and show the changes through the lens of someone who has been a bit out of it for a while (we are all Cherry Quartz, fresh from the hiatus, aren’t we?) but I’m sorry, this post still takes the cake:

Okay, okay, back to the program.

“That used to be a loaded question...“

Right off the bat, Steven is SO much more confident about saying that he’s... HIMSELF! What a good feeling. I’m very proud of our boy. 

I love the name “Gemglyph” for the gem language! I’ll need to know who wrote these, though. And who the heck drew the diamonds? Hopefully it was BP. 

And I’m not the first one to point this out, but MORE ANIME REFERENCES!

Which can be seen as either a reference to the Chill Low-Fi Hiphop Beats to Study To OR Whisper of the Heart. 

And absolutely no one cares but something that caught my eye is the fact that they have an EARTH FLAG at Little Homeschool! How cool is that!

Earth 4ever!!! 

Off-note - I love how INVESTED they are in this conversation Pearl is having with Holo-Pearl.

Peak entertainment. 

I love Professor Amethyst and I love the random human who snuck in to apparently take lessons on Not Giving A Single Shit About Anything, Ever. 

And here we FINALLY are in the FUTURE

Where we FINALLY get Jasper as a functioning character

And 

She’s

SO DRAMATIC, I LOVE HER.

This is literally SO funny like she... she was just... laying on top of her house... under a blanket..... FOr WHAT? To stand up dramatically and throw it off when Steven inevitably paid a visit? 

Is that just what she dOES? 

“It’s FINE I don’t need any HELP, I’m FUNCTIONING, I’m just having a SELF CARE DAY OK”

Also I’m sorry but

Jasper: “It took forever to yank those puny green earthlings out of the ground.”

Steven: “You mean grass...?“

THIS. RIGHT HERE. is peak Jasper. 

It’s also curious how INVESTED Steven is in this:

“I’m TRYING to give you [a purpose]!“

Why are you... trying to do that, though? Isn’t the whole idea for gems to surpass their ‘purpose’ and just kinda... do whatever? Isn’t Jasper just kinda... doing whatever? 

I mean, sure, it’s not useful to anyone, but she seems relatively happy. Aside from. You know. The whole laying on rocks under blankets until she’s disturbed thing and-- okay, you’re right, maybe an intervention would be healthy. 

I’m not gonna talk at length about the rest of the episode - although I think it’s really good, I don’t know what I can say about it that hasn’t already been said. Jasper is definitely poking Steven’s buttons and rephrasing a LOT of what WHITE has said to Pink: “You surround yourself with inferior gems because it makes you feel better.”

And Steven REACTS to this. The taunt WORKS.

And yes, he gains some extra powers for it, but something tells me this AIN’T the only thing he will get. It feels like a two-edged sword. Like it’ll be his own downfall somehow....... maybe at the end of the series. 

Ashes to ashes.... hole to hole.

And oh wow I thought they were gonna bond but LMAO

“Consider your fight back there your first and ONLY lesson.“

Basically:

I love you Jasper.

EP 2: GUIDANCE

I LOVE YOU AMETHYST.

sHE’S doing SO much and she’s SO good at it!! Look at her!! Organizing stuff!!!! 

RUBIES IN SUNGLASSES. IN SQUARE SUNGLASSES. 

I need 20. 

And I also need 20 of Larimar because holy shit that’s hilarious. 

Larimar: “I want to hear the human screams forever.”

Steven: “Okay that’s kinda troubling.”

I love the reference to Monsters Inc here and I love the callback at the end of the episode when Larimar switches to Human Laughter to get her fill of that particular erm... need. 

And honestly the ensuing chaos is equally predictable and entertaining. 

I’m SO glad to know that Rubies are just... Like That and that actually Navy is not a deviation from the norm but rather a different flavor of the chaotic energy all Rubies naturally seem to possess. 

Amethyst is also super relatable:

“Ah yes, the fool comes crawling back. Come to beg for forgiveness, have you?”

In fact, the episode’s WHOLe HUMOUR is just very much My Brand

“Sometimes you save all the people but the rollercoaster still crashes into the ocean...... and that’s okay.”

Including the Running Gag that is Onion. Who... does not appear to have aged. At all. And that’s okay.

EP 3: ROSE BUDS

Okay where do I even begin with this one. Um.

I have to openly admit that I spent the majority of this episode wheezing with laughter. Let’s start with the Zoomans:

Who are CLEARLY STILL SUPER SALTY AT GREG ABOUT REJECTING THEM??? Which is hilarious. 

And also this paradise is fascinating in and of itself. 

But the next scene is basically where I started losing my shit.

Okay, okay, alright so. Uh. I have... a few questions.

Like Why. WHY. Does she look. SO MUCH like Rose? 

Clearly Rose Quartz differ in coloring and etc. But She literally looks. Like THE Rose. VERY explicitly. 

So here’s several options here:

1) Pink made Rose Quartz way before any of the Rebellion happened and Pearl just basically pigeonholed her into THIS specific Rose Quartz appearance because she (???) had a crush? Or somehow saw this specific Rose, thought ‘hot, i can make my sympathetic Diamond wear this exact costume and that would be EXCELLENT fanservice for ME’

2) Pink didn’t have any Rose Quartz until the Rebellion, and thereafter quickly decided ‘I need these gems as an alibi, so we’re just gonna make them” and she and Pearl basically inclubated Rose Quartz like a pokemon trainer hatching for a Shiny until they got one that looked Exactly Like That. 

3) There was no Thinking involved because this is Pink we’re talking about, and it was all just a huge coincidence for the sake of this Very Hilariously Uncomfortable Episode. 

While we ruminate on that, let’s look at some Relatable Reactions.

And here we have the holy trinity of “I have just seen the clone of my deceased parent/parental figure/lover.”

Featuring: Bonus ‘I’m Almost Over It’ Pearl

Also, I need y’all to make this into a meme:

For example:

Anyway, alright, alright. 

That relatable feel when your (hot) dead lesbian lover’s clone asks you if you’re okay after another one of the (less hot?) clones offers you a whole ass stick of butter to eat. 

And then you and your friends all hide in the bathroom to talk about your feelings:

Okay, the rest of the episode gives me FEELINGS and I love how hard Steven is trying, so I’ll just close it off with:

I LOVE THEM. Unironically, they are EVERYTHING I had hoped Rose Quartz would be. They’re SO MUCH like Rose herself - did she model her personality after them? Or are they just like her because she WAS like that, and they’re made from her essence? WHO KNOWS?! They’re adorable!

And the conflict between them and Steven is honestly so gooD! I don’t know if it’s completely relatable but I’m glad they ended up talking it out.

I wonder if we’ll ever see Her again... you know who I’m talkin’ about. 

Her....

I’m madly in love with Rose, ok, I don’t need a callout post. Just leave me be.

EP 4:  VOLLEYBALL

Alright, alright, alright.

OKAy,.... It’s fine. It’s FINE. I’m fINE. 

Confirmed: 8000 years. That’s. UH. A LOT? That puts our timelines quite a ways back. We kind of estimated as much, but still, it’s so jarring to think about. And PP is VERY casual about it. 

She’s also VERY casual about the injury.

“This is all Pink Diamond!”

It doesn’t seem like it bothers her to talk about it at all. She’s not even trying to keep it a secret. So I’m almost wondering - was there a connection to her being taken by White and the injury at all or not? 

She came to Steven to get healed - she clearly wants it gone. At the time she was injured, did Pink not even attempt to heal the injury? 

Follow up question: If she DID care, why didn’t she try to heal it?

Follow up to the follow up: Was it because she didn’t know she could? Or did she simply not have the time to (White removed her before she could)? 

When Steven goes pink, she gasps - but makes no further comment. It’s presumably because she’s seen this happen before. She doesn’t try to move away, weirdly enough - she asks him if everything is alright. Perhaps the context is too different for it to be triggering for her. Perhaps there’s more layers to it? HMMM. 

What follows is, perhaps, the SALTIEST we’ve seen Pearl since Greg rolled around.

“Did you come to compete?”

This is doubly curious to me because Crewniverse has previously explicitly stated that Pearl was NOT in love with Pink Diamond. She was in love with Rose. So if this is true, why would Pearl care about her place as Pink’s Pearl? She is supposed to be past all that, isn’t she? 

And yet as time goes on, the salinity grows exponentially. Alright, you two, I know you’re Pearls but tone it down with the sass. 

(Also, I’m sorry but I will NEVER call her Volleyball. That’s all. Bye.)

Also it’s worth noting that... PP is clearly VERY much in love with Pink.

This is, perhaps, where the lack of a grudge plays into it. She’s completely enamoured.

Moreover, she’s VERY casual about how she talks here. This isn’t exactly how one talks of their Diamond. This is how people talk about their romantic partners. She calls Pink silly, calls her ‘funny’. That’s not exactly a term of respect - it’s way more intimate than that. 

Also, did anyone else notice how, although CG Pearl’s gem is usually shaded in teal, it’s in Pink in this episode? VEEEERY subtle, Crew.

Also, we can’t quite see Pink Pearl’s expression fully here because her working eye isn’t visible, which makes it hard to get a read on things like

“I’m older than you.“ Is she just saying it casually? Or is she fully aware that she’s poking fun at CG Pearl? 

HI SHELL. ISN’T IT FUNNY HOW YOUR VOICE AND YOUR NAME ARE A SUBTLE NOD TO PORTAL, WHICH IS FORESHADOWING HOW BADLY THIS IS GONNA END. 

Meanwhile, Pearl continues to be in character.

“No need to be overly... attached.”

And this has nothing to do with anything but

she cute

Aaaand now it’s creepy again.

The rest of this is super important so let’s get to it:

“Oh, no. Pink did this.”

“What did you say?”

“It’s a funny story, really. Once, Pink got tired of asking Yellow and Blue for her own colony, so she went straight to White. Of course, White told her she wasn’t fit to run one... and well! That set her off.”

“Set her off? What are you talking about?”

“You remember how she was! With her destructive powers, throwing tantrums left and right! She had a scream that could crack the walls. She didn’t mean to hurt me! (giggle) I just happened to be standing too close to her that time and--”

And then Steven interrupts. 

We get more CG Pearl arguing for how wrong this image of Pink is to her. What CG Pearl knew was a totally different (or, well, same, but VERY changed) Pink. 

But what we have to prove our point is Steven himself. He rolls into the EXACT same state as Pink presumably did - and begins to over-use his powers. 

(This isn’t the first time we have seen him use this attack.)

The reactions from the Pearls are telling - this is clearly not Pink Pearl’s first rodeo with this type of Mood. 

And it’s important to note that Steven clearly didn’t direct any attack AT them. He simply yelled - and the whole dang place literally started to crack. There’s weight to the argument that possibly, Pink really DIDN’T mean to hurt her Pearl - that she was just collateral damage. 

Which doesn’t make it any better, obviously. Even if Pink had no direct intention of hurting her Pearl (and there are theories that Pink purposefully hit or threw Pink Pearl or somehow physically acted directly to damage her, which I was skeptical of) the result of it is still the same.

If you raise your voice and yell, even if you’re just yelling because YOU are hurt/have feelings, you might still hurt the people around you. If you throw a tantrum, even if your direct goal was just to let off some steam without aiming to harm anyone, whoever gets in your way is still the victim. 

And this is all very much On Brand for Pink’s timeline as we know it. We already knew this about her - we KNEW she tended to throw tantrums (like in the flashback on Jungle Moon) and that she was childish. The fact that she accidentally hurt her Pearl in the process because she had no self-control at that period in her life comes as no surprise. 

(Although it’s important to mention that perhaps hurting her own Pearl WAS the breaking point during which she finally realized how her emotional outbursts could have negative consequences on those around her.)

And this is a very beautiful message - even if Pink Pearl still doesn’t want to blame Pink for what was done to her (”But... she didn’t mean to!”) Pearl brings the point of it back around to her (”But you were still hurt!”) The point isn’t the person who did the hurting - the focus is on the victim and how they were affected. 

And the rest, I daresay, is history. 

I like the fact that they managed to still bring it back around to the main message: 

It isn’t about just “Pink was bad”. It’s about how she did bad things. And there were multiple sides to her - multiple stages. And the Pearls who knew her knew different sides of her - the side that didn’t know how to be a good person, who was selfish and childish and unrestrained... and  the side that was, arguable, too restrained. Who hated her own past, her own character and her own mistakes so much that she would rather bury them and keep secrets from everyone. 

And neither of those things were good, and neither were healthy, but they are a GREAT contrast to a GREAT character arc that is, arguably, still being unearthed. And we have so much more context for it all now. 

I, for one, can’t wait to see and discover more of Pink through Pink Pearl - no matter how ugly that side of her might be. I think it gives great perspective to her later growth. 

And if you ship the Pearls.. .well, I get why. 

Personally I’m not interested in it that way. Call me unromantic - I don’t think their relationship NEEDS to be shippy in order to be satisfyingly deep. I love the idea of them having a deep bond over this - a shared past, a shared experience, and gaining confidence through one another. 

Cheers and thanks for listening!

[iamanartichoke]

So, remember that post I made like six months ago with gifs from the films of Loki having "nerves of steel," compared to a gif from the scene (in the trailer, at that point) where he jumps like ten feet when he finds himself in front of the dude with the stack of papers? Remember how I said "hmm seems like an ooc reaction" due to how sharply the latter reaction contrasted with the former ones? (I'd link but I don't feel like searching for it.)

Yeah. That post was MOSTLY A JOKE. It literally was just something I thought about and foolishly decided to share bc I thought it was funny. It was not that deep and I can't believe I even have to explain that.

(cut for length)

I'm bringing this up bc I was reading the notes on one of the survey posts going around; one user basically reblogged just to shit on it (I guess it was easier to hop on the post and aggressively tear them down instead of just ... not taking the survey?) and then talked about how much antis hate everything, and how one of our "hot takes" was that Loki was "ooc because he flinched" & "these are the types of people we're dealing with - toxic antis with shit opinions., can you believe"

And I just. I'm so, like, baffled. I know for a fact that more than this one person thought I was being 100% serious with my "hot take" and it's just like, jfc, I literally don't know how to process that apparently my opinions on Loki, his characterization, and his show in general can be summarized with "he's ooc cause he flinched that one time; source: a bunch of gifs" like???? And then to say I'm a Loki anti; like, yes, I'm such a fucking anti-Loki person over here with my Loki obsessed fan blog. Amazing. For all their talk of "antis" not understanding nuance and subtlety, they sure do take everything at face value and make sweeping generalizations, don't they.

I debated even posting this, bc nothing says "uh it was a joke!" like a multi-paragraph rebuttal - thou dost protest too much, methinks, and everything - but it honestly isn't even about the stupid post. It's just that this is an example of how fucking toxic this entire fandom has gotten and I am 500% done. You literally can't win. You criticize the show, you're an anti. You criticize it a lot, and you're probably mentally ill, too. You praise the show, and you find yourself pulled into a "but wasn't it just so brilliant though?" circle-jerk by way of reblogs. You try to have discussions about several aspects of the show, both what you liked and what you didn't, and you get told you're not being impartial enough bc your opinion is rooted in fanon. And regardless of who you're talking to or interacting with on the regular, you're in an echo chamber.

So finally you try to not state too much of an opinion either way and just mind your own business. Try to just enjoy yourself by staying out of the wank and avoiding having your posts spread around and taken out of context. And what happens? The wank finds you anyway. A six month old post comes back to haunt you. You can be reading a post you've not interacted with in any way, and still come away from it having been slapped in the face with some back-handed callout from someone you literally didn't even know existed before this. And just.

What the actual fuck, you guys. Come on.

It's nearly impossible to enjoy yourself anymore. I haven't felt comfortable posting my thoughts/opinions for quite awhile now, and apparently I can't even post humor, either. I furthermore don't feel comfortable knowing there are people in this fandom who are taking people's posts and using them to make Statements about that person's mental health. Or - I saw this very recently - just taking screenshots and mocking their opinions. (I don't care if it's the worst take in the world - what in the fuck makes you think you have the right to screenshot it and trash it? Mind your own business! Jesus! Who raised you?)

Just. I'm tired of it. I don't like not knowing who, actually, is reading my posts or why they're viewing my blog. It's upsetting to me and I've been upset for a long time and this was just the icing on the cake. And yknow what, I'm half afraid to even post this bc, again, I have no idea who's reading or who's going to vaguepost about me as a result. It is absolutely ridiculous.

[indigosprite]

Chrome Callout post.

relax this is just my love hate relationship with chromes writing and potential. spoiler, it ends with all the love... hate is only in the middle. 

My absolute favorite thing in fanfics is Chromes characterization. Like we all know Chrome is completely aware that Mukuro and co need a reoccurring dose of Valium and a therapist willing to do illegal things in order to lower their sadistic points to ”kind of disturbing but tolerable”. Or at least we hope she does even though she proves to us again and again that she’s not phased by it in the slightest and might actually be just as bad. TYL and she’s still running around helping them do god knows what. She follows them on this massacre pridefully, she “believes in” them ( its sweet actually. They’re what she thinks of when Mukuro asks what she believes in and makes a young kokuyo gang.)

In fanfics when people write her to be a double edge sword it’s hilarious, and it should’ve been the character depicted in the Anime and manga instead. But I guess if she hadn’t been the quiet, breathy & compliant 14 year old people wouldn’t have morphed her into the fanon I enjoy now. Here’s some stuff i love and HC abt Chrome  and the things I absolutely hated.  

1. When she actually speaks not just when spoken to. She voices her concerns although she has no intent of not doing what’s asked of her. Who knew she could speak and still be the obedient gang member Mukuro trusts her to be. And when she does this it’s funny. She is the conscience he buries underneath disgust and amusement for chaos, but that’s not her entire character. She’s not reduced to the mom friend either because of this, she’s too passive on the matter. She indulges/Enables it just the same as Chikusa or Ken, although she knows better meanwhile the thought never occurs to them. To summarize :

she’s Brian

2. She’s unhinged and the best part is nobody knows even though it’s blatantly obvious. She may not have the same bloodlust or violent disposition as her peers but there are other ways to showcase this. To Allow Mukuro the leader of this little fearsome Five-some to possess you whenever he feels like and witness whatever horrors he decides to inflict upon someone that day means she’s accepting of literally everything he does. She never resists or expresses distaste/fear for him or anything he does. We assume she would in some capacity because she was depicted as this wide eyed innocent girl trying her best to repay the man that got her to join a gang under the guise of a found family. She quite literally signed up for guts n glory. She knew this and never had second thoughts. Mind you she doesn’t share the same hatred for the mafia as the boys, theirs is blind hatred regardless of who you are. Hers is through them, they are her looking glass rightfully so, so if they say it then their word is law. I’m not sure about you but I would definitely be mindful of the girl who was raised semi normal and willingly turned into a killer for Mukuro of all people. They’re killing adults not shaking them up, they aren’t Tsuna and his friends they finish the job when necessary. The body count is unimaginable. She is just as loyal as Ken and Chikusa and would probably strike you where you stand for speaking ill of him. (She wouldn’t but would definitely be opposed to whatever you’re saying, unless it’s name calling. He takes no offense to that and welcomes it in fact.)

3. The fact that she’s a person apart from Mukuro (physically speaking.) and the Vongola team at all is a blessing in few fics. Although she was made to stand in for Mukuro, when he is released it’s not necessary hence him pushing her to be apart from him and his duties. He did this in the future as well when he possessed Guidio Greco no longer using chrome which lets us know she was successful in becoming a useful comrade and not just a vessel and vongola stand in. She had to otherwise he would’ve left her alone whether she was keeping his Vongola ring warm or not. She is just as aloof as Hibari, always off with her own people only engaging when it’s asked of her. I adore when people keep that in mind and don’t lump her with following behind the vongola as if she were one of them. She shows up for them when asked but her main focus is ultimately committing felonies with Ken and Chikusa per Mukuro’s orders. let her be with the kokuyo gang and let her contribute in the way she’s meant to as a fighter. figure her out give her something cool 

 ik that’s hard considering what we got in the manga. warning things i hate ahead 

what we got in the Anime and Manga: 

so we know Chromes entire purpose was to be Rokudo Mukuro’s stand in, while holding the Vongola ring he soon takes back she is just the girl that is able to get him to come fight their battles when necessary. The Anime and Manga rarely let Chrome fend for herself. We all knew he was coming the second it got serious. By giving chrome that ring she ended up being the one thing to keep him loyal to his contract with being their guardian. If she’s in danger he comes and saves her, the Vongola put her in danger because he will show up and do his job it’s like a rat trap. She is not meant to be a Vongola guardian but more like a Mukuro whistle. They never openly admit it but in the show they will expect/ask her to do things that her track record doesn’t imply she can do and just silently expect Mukuro to show up like always. SKSJDWDN they’ll be like “oh yeah call the girl who passed out and all her organs disappeared I believe in her to do this job even though i’ve never seen her make it to the end of a fight ever not worried at all” sksksjjd They never actually expect chrome to do a job they expect her to go there and manage to get Mukuro to come out and play and we should acknowledge it was just an unspoken thing.  Now I know that despite what I just implied about her not being that great a fighter but just good enough there are two comments made in all 400 chapters that are supposed to negate this.  

Mammon says her illusions are powerful just not enough to fool him , and reborn says she could turn the tide if she were to fight against Mukuro but with confidence, these mean nothing to me because amano throws in so many useless comments like this and then fails to develop it further to make it believable.  and she made powerful characters make note of this so it would be non negotiable and we would just take it at face value because its them but hello ?? ofc we want to see it just like we had to see Tsuna grow before we even considered taking him seriously. hell Dino got a quicker rise to his title than chrome bc its that easy to say oh he can come into his own when needed they just never meant to do it for chrome. 

it’s so irritating when they try to say she’s powerful or could be but give no actual footing for anyone to take those comments seriously when they make her pass out for thirty chapters after doing the bare minimum.

let chrome win on her own not just start strong then step out of the way then have some character say “no really she could be powerful we aren’t going to show you though” .  

when she helped them sneak in the base on her own and even makes those illusions of them fighting we should have gotten more of that!!! 

literally every character is fighting the funeral wreaths and chrome is running in the woods out of breath...even Lambo got to fight. 

you made her sit out of the rep battle to focus on making organs like that wasn’t something she already accomplished in the future and suddenly can’t do anymore ?.....

Chrome finally makes one fighting decision and its to make a mist forcefield that’s dangerous but hell yeah we think she will finally pull through with something powerful and prove herself and then they have mukuro come in a panel later saying “your flames are far too weak to do that I will make it better and help you not die” BYE  that was a perfect time to have her come in to her own seeing as she was powerful and confident enough to initiate it in the first place. 

breaking the barrier daemon spade makes * chefs kiss * give me more 

 when they’re not blindly robbing chrome of character development  she’s just getting kidnapped, passing out  or helping them with small things like making a fake Yamamoto for a party or sneaking in the base with illusions to disguise them. Hello she’s training under mukuro right ??? why did we ever get to see her get stronger each fight and have them say ‘she’s learning quick” instead. 

enough abt what we got, back to what I’ve managed to make out of the scraps we were given..

4. Mukuro is the only one who reassures that she actually is a fighter and she eventually grows to be a good one bc of this and you should write about that dynamic and why it exists more. this one is long.

 the whole dynamic I was referring to exploring is the one where Mukuro and chrome are meant to be equals. He meets this girl whose been neglected and left for dead, another kid messed up by adults neglectful selfish behavior. she willingly follows the boy who is plagued by the same demons and made a small group dedicated to getting revenge for it.  Mukuro & Chrome know they’re two sides of the same coin. he is anger and she is acceptance. He probably finds it amusing she isn’t as angry as them wants to draw it out of her  where as chrome wants to pull out the peace that comes with moving on once you’re in a better place. the girl is so happy to not be near her mom and grateful for this little family while the boys are quite literally holding a grudge against the world.  and like none of them even see it the way she does but she wants them to.  Mukuro and chrome didn’t go through the same things but it doesn’t matter to either of them because its the same story, nobody loved or valued them enough to protect them. In the end chrome will learn to be angry abt things that happen and use that to find a will to fight for something and Mukuro will learn to be at peace because they’re not in that lab anymore and those people are gone from their life. as fighters they’re so important to each others balance Mukuro’s rage cannot be left to be so blind and hers unattended and i know it’s supposed to be Tsuna that cleans his soul but i think chrome definitely plays a more active role in that.  I think he sees a better him in her, he makes her his second gives her his name because she’s the good he knows he can never fully be. she posses a peace he’s not hopeful enough to believe he can achieve or want and ultimately it will make her far more capable of the change he wants. in believing this it means he also believes she will be just as powerful as him with the right training. he’s literally training his demise and her name is Chrome. he wont take over a (mafia) world he wants her to save.  we all know he’s like annoyingly stupid when it comes to showing his emotions, he rather pretend he’s sending you to die when he’s quite literally ushering you to what he thinks is safe and sacrificing himself. so I can totally see him being like  “okay Tsuna might really change the mafia and I want to see that but I've already dug my own grave here's a better newer me that will be way easier to accept than me turning over a new leaf 40 dead families later.” 

5. in the future Hibari is much more happy to help and be around because he knows what a powerful fighter Tsuna turns out to be, i think this is the exact same reason why he goes and helps chrome save herself. Kyoya knows and possibly even respects future chrome enough to save her when she’s at her weakest which he usually detests. Chrome grows to be much more in the future and that’s exactly why he even gives this sick chrome a push. everyone likes to think it’s a Mukuro thing for him but what if it actually is a chrome thing. in the show he’s never been present to witness her show any kind of power so we can only assume that at some point he saw her in action. 

  6. it’s implied in the future that Mukuro fights alongside her, he views her as more than just a vessel and doesn’t baby her in the slightest when he pushes her to become her own being. I won’t call it respect per say but he doesn’t look at her as a doll even though that’s the part she played for him. He still trains her the way he eventually does Fran. We all know he just wants Mini Mukuros to aid him in his endeavors but the fact that he chooses her says a lot about how she’s meant to be viewed. He also chooses a nine year old brat with an apple hat but hey he must see something everyone else doesn’t until he’s done with them seeing as Fran was kidnapped by the freaking Varia once Mukuro’s teachings were for the most part implemented. “Oh you learned under Mukuro ? We can’t have Mukuro you need to join us immediately” (I’ve just realized Mukuro gave the vongola their strongest mist guardians all while claiming to hate them. Funny man). imagine how powerful Chrome gets, even better when Mukuro is actually there in the flesh to teach her where as Fran got some illusionary version of him. WRITE ABOUT IT. 

7. for the love of god give that girl her own fighting style. yamamoto has his sword gokudera is literally baby genius ryohei is a boxer and hibari has like the most random weapon ever. go crazy. i love it when chrome isn’t pulling a trident from her bag. because she’s not mukuro anymore. she’s a reticent mist guardian, compliment that.  Mukuros trident has his own history with him. give her some history of her own.    

in my fic Chrome uses a scythe and tears through reality with it. 

reason:  because she is a grim reaper in her own right. she rose from the dead and is showing up to collect the souls of the wicked. a silent but fearsome person. 

her style ? :  personally I like to believe chrome dabbles in profiling, hear me out. Her parents were neglectful and in turn she really has little experience with relationships in general, i think her curiosity would lead her to constantly study peoples relationships and behaviors and see how they affect her target. aka she fights by showing up getting in your head and haunting you with your own past because even if they see through it damn what a nasty wound or insecurity to bring up in the form of a hell loop illusion. this also ties into her being Mukuro 2.0 he’s known to just be eerily in the know of everything going on even when he’s not there. this would be a great way of her matching that aspect of him and possibly surpassing it.