#This is the scene where Charlie was singing the spider song

[herbatahleb]

I don't remember the exact text in that scene but yeah..... 

[radioisntdead]

Buon giorno or Buona notte dearest!!

I have another request heheheh

Think of this : Angel and the gang go out for another trust exercise, and they see an add for one if m!readers concerts.

Since Angel is a fan, he asks to go with the group as a bonding experience, which Charlie says yes too

They go together, and m!reader is getting ready, when they see Angel and think he's quite cute, not knowing him from his ahem, works and they sing a love song (Heavy metal lover by Lady Gaga) and Angel almost has a heart attack.

(It's mostly the ; 'I could be your girl,girl,girl' part that I get inspired from)

At some point Val starts being a weirdo, and then m!reader publicly shits on him in front of their entire audience, and he leaves after getting taken away by a few of m!readers fans

And it ends happily ever after with them together forever :D

(Readers music vibe is like odetari, ayesha erotica, asteria, etc)

If you could do this, it would make my summer!!

Love

-XIN🌹💝

Good evening my dearest Xin! I had so much fun writing this, my apologies it took awhile to write but I hope you enjoy it!

Backstage passes

Angel dust x M! Reader

Warnings: Valentino gets ripped apart, literally. Reader is low-key like the dazzlings from MLP, also I imagine the reader died via Bell accident like that evil dude from Disney's coco

Song used [I listened to this song so much while writing that it actually made me sick LMAO]

You appeared in hell overnight after dying from an unfortunate and totally not planned stage accident, involving a bell, everything you had worked so hard for gone within a mere moment.

Filled with rage and the confidence of someone desperate to thrive in the spotlight, you began to conquer the music scene of hell.

You climbed the ranks and crushed those beneath you, if you weren't so focused on gaining fame instead of plain ol' power you'd give a couple of overlords a good run for their money.

You captured the attention of hell's finest, sinners and hellborn alike wanted to book you for their events, concerts were sold out within seconds, stan accounts on hell's Twitter servers would beef with those who opposed you, music edits were made of you, memes and clips, mildly disturbing fanfiction was written, you were an icon.

Along with catching the attention of hell's finest, you gained Angel dust as a fan.

Your music would be playing in the clubs he went to, sometimes played during his drag shows, he'd use it as background for whatever thoughts he disassociated away to whenever Valentino was having his way, or he'd just listen to your music when he was alone.

And so when Charlie somehow managed to get the entire hotel front row tickets to your show after he mentioned it's make a good group exercise, he was ecstatic!

The group waited outside, Charlie and Vaggie were trying to secure a place for them in line, Alastor would rather died again then attend so his ticket went to Cherri, Husk had found the bar, Niffty was terrorizing some sinners by cleaning, Sir Pentious was... Sir Pentious-ing Cherri bomb, and that left Angel dust to wonder around until the show began, stumbling into a nearby store to grab some snacks.

You on the other hand sneaked out to go to the convenience store near by the concert venue in full performance outfit covered by an oversized coat and hood just to grab a slushie and a light snack because with all the dancing you were going to be doing, you couldn't do on a empty stomach but not a too full one or you'd puke!

And that's where you saw him, purchasing a couple of things.

You had a little thing for cute things, and Angel dust seemed to fall into that category, for you anyways, for most of hell's people, they usually tended to put him into a more... Exploitive one,

It wouldn't hurt for you to make one of your people drop off a couple of backstage passes for that spider, after your show right?

Or better yet maybe you could do it yourself?

The concert venue was filled with sinners and hellborn alike from all types of backgrounds, all there to see you perform.

Including a couple of overlords.

Angel's eyes bounced around the stage waiting for your arrival.

Soon enough the bright lights dimmed and more colorful ones took their place.

Lights, smoke, action.

Heavy metal lover

Heavy metal lover

Heavy metal lover

It was starting.

Heavy metal lover Heavy metal lover

You came up from a platform under the stage smoke coming out with you as the music began, microphone in hand, and eyes closed shut.

Heavy metal lover

Heavy metal lover

Heavy metal lover

Heavy metal lover

Your eyes shot open as you began to move, background dancers were moving in sync, all eyes were on you.

Heavy metal lover

Heavy metal lover

Heavy metal lover

Heavy metal lover

Dressed in black and neons you practically glowed in the dark atmosphere,

"I want your whiskey mouth all over my blonde south," your voice rang out throughout the venue causing some members of the audience to scream out your name.

You struggled to hold back a filthy grin.

"Red wine, cheap perfume, and a filthy pout," you walked out onto the stage front and center, lights following you in all your leather-y glory, the backstage passes in your sleeve crinkled.

"Tonight bring all your friends, because a group does it better," Angel dust's eyes were locked onto you much like everyone's else's, like they were hypnotized.

"Why river with a pair? Let's have a full house of leather," Oh how you adored being the center of attention, you looked at the crowd, eyes glancing over everyone, a mild shiver of disgust went through you when you accidentally locked eyes with what looked to be a grape flavored moth.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You quickly moved your eyes away to continue looking for a certain spider, honestly your attachment to see a sinner you only saw for five seconds tops in a convenience store was interesting.

What was even more interesting was your ability to avoid the explicit ads for the films he did, seriously they were everywhere in hell! Including said convenience store!

"Heavy metal lover,"

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

"Heavy metal lover,"

As you walked across the stage you kept your eyes on the audience,

Searching..

Searching..

And you found him!

Right in the front row, how did you not see him before?

"Dirty pony, I can't wait to hose you down," your eyes locked on him as his locked on yours.

Did that count as a horrible, HORRIBLE pickup line or was that just poorly timed?

"You've got to earn your leather in this part of town," it seems someone hadn't seen the poison music video! You flared out your own leather jacket, the shiny gems on it sparkling in the dark.

"Dirty pearls and a patch for all the Rivington Rebels," you winked at him before turning on your heel as your background dancers circled around you with all sorts of dancing.

"Let's raise hell in the streets, drink beer and get into trouble,"

You danced and your background dancers mimicked in perfect coordination.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

"Heavy metal lover,"

You began strutting to the center of the stage.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You leaned down and went into what I can only describe as a sensual army crawl but without relying on your elbows to crawl.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You moved towards Angel dust.

"Heavy metal lover,"

You reached out an arm towards him, gently tugging on his bowtie to pull him closer to the stage, once he was close enough you touched his face, his eyes were wide and his heart was nearly pounding out of his fluffy spider chest, you his all time favorite singer was touching his face.

"I could be your girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl,"

Within seconds you moved your arm just enough to loosen the backstage passes from your sleeve and have them fall into your hand.

"But would you love me if I ruled the world, world, world?"

You tucked the tickets into the front of his shirt where his chest fluff was located, being careful not to accidently grope the spider.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You gave a wink before flipping yourself onto your back and throwing yourself up and strutting back to the middle of the stage as your performers danced around you.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Unfortunately a certain moth witnessed your little flirt, with his best pornstar? He didn't think so.

Without alerting the other two Vees who were actually focused on the show itself he marched his way through the crowd.

Heavy metal lover

"Whip me, slap me, punk funk, New York clubbers, bump drunk,"

Shoving audience members to the side, causing some to crash into each other and tumble like dominoes, grabbing the attention of others.

"Bud Light, liquors, bar slam, move it, this is your jam"

Of course that caught your attention, and you didn't appreciate someone stepping out and stealing the attention that belonged to you! That you deserved and worked so hard for!

"Wash the night with St. Jameson, Like a baptism, heavy metal lovers play,"

You took a couple of steps towards the side of the stage where he was.

"Baby, we were born this way''

"Uh oh, it seems a shiny headed purple man is trying to wreck the show! We can't exactly have that now can we?"

You could barely hear whatever words he was saying, in your prospective it was like a grape yappin' away.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

With a wave of your hand the crowd grabbed onto him, lifting him up and pulling him through, landing him in the cannibal section.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Grabbing onto his limbs and pulling them apart, teeth were sunk into him pulling at his purple flesh.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Attention was back on you, as it should be.

No one paid mind to Valentino's screams as if they couldn't hear it or as if it wasn't happening at all, completely and utterly enamoured with you and your music.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Heavy metal lover

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Neither of the Vee's would notice he was gone until hours after the show, no one would notice the blood scattered on the floor until late at night when they were cleaning up the messes, and no one would know what exactly happened to him until he eventually respawn, having lost everything.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Heavy metal lover

What a scary power you possessed, even if you didn't completely realize you had it.

But that wasn't the focus here, because as if nothing ever happened you went back to flirting with Angel dust from the stage.

"I could be your girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, but would you love me if I ruled the world, world, world?"

Eventually the show would end, and you'd wait anxiously backstage until that spider came, cashing in that backstage pass you shamelessly gave him from the stage, followed by the princess of hell herself moments later trying to get you to join her hotel.

Heavy metal lover Heavy metal lover, Heavy metal lover

And what else could you do then accept her invitation to join her little hazbin hotel, although you were anything but a hazbin.

And if you did manage to get past the pearly gates, you already had earth and hell alike in a chokehold, imagine what you'd accomplish if you performed in heaven?

Heavy metal lover, Heavy metal lover

It was a good chance to get to know Angel dust as well, the two of you would go from friends to something more.

Heavy metal lover

Friends to lovers was such a a underrated trope wasn't it?

Heavy metal lover

It wouldn't hurt to lean a little more into romantic songs, especially if you went the more cheesy route and played for Angel alone.

Heavy metal lover, Heavy metal lover, Heavy metal lover

You couldn't wait for the chance to shamelessly flirt with him while you were on stage again.

Heavy metal lover, Heavy metal lover

Good evening folks! I hope you enjoyed! I know my posting schedule has been a little wonky [side eyeing the Wednesday angst being posted on Thursdays] my bad, there's some personal stuff going on, plus I've been feeling a little sick but hopefully everything will be a little more organized this week! As always thank you for tuning on in, goodnight!

[collabpartners]

Hazbin Hotel: The Contract of Blood Ep. 1

*Hello, guys! I'm back with both of me and my friend making a collab fanfic for Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss crossover. This episode is published on February 27, 2024. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Warning: this will have implied sexual assault, which it only appears in the first episode. There will also be a lot of vulgar words. Reader discretion is advised.*

The alarm clock rings in Charlie’s bedroom. Sharing the master bed covered by purple and velvet sheets, Charlie and her girlfriend, Vaggie, are cuddling each other.

Charlie snaps her eyes open and slams the alarm clock. She is about to turn over and get out of bed, but she realizes her girlfriend is slowly waking up. She kisses Vaggie’s forehead.

“Morning, angel,” Charlie whispers, scooting out of Vaggie’s loose hold.

Vaggie lifts one eyelid open. “Morning.” She sits up in her tank top, her gray hair covering over her missing eye with a red x over it.

Charlie opens the shades, revealing a red sky with a faded symbol up on the sky. Down below, there are reeks of chaos of sinners killing each other. She inhales and exhales, and then looks at Vaggie.

“Today’s the new day,” Charlie says while hurrying to the bathroom.

Vaggie sighs lovingly at her girlfriend and scoots off the bed.

The happy music starts as Charlie exits the bathroom in her red suit, her face pale with rosy blushes she always had. With her blonde hair in a ponytail, she starts to sing cheerfully.

“Oh, oh,

I woke up today,

Whoa.

Feelin’ the way I do.

Whoa.”

Charlie swiftly walks out into the hallway to see the short maid cyclops dusting the halls, the maid’s work noted by her song.

“Nifty is dusting the halls.”

Charlie hears the radio static in the speakers.

“Good morning, sinners. It’s currently eight in the morning with the weather being Hellish today,” Alastor’s voice announces.

Charlie croons excitedly as she slides down the stairs,

“Alastor is giving his daily announcements.”

She shifts her gaze towards the bar to see other patrons enjoying themselves, including the familiar spider demon with six arms and skimpy clothing named Angel Dust and the cat demon with red wings named Husk.

Husk leans closer to Angel with a lovesick smiling while Angel is talking his ear off non-stop.

Charlie notices this and sings teasingly,

“Angel at the bar flirting with Husk.”

Angel and Husk hears Charlie with shocked looks.

“We’re not flirting,” the men said simultaneously.

Charlie feels Vaggie’s hand on her shoulder and massaging it.

Vaggie sings along with her girlfriend.

“Okay, babe, calm down.”

Charlie jumps in excitement.

“How can I be calm

When everything is going right?”

Charlie gestures to the sinners coming into the hotel as she sings more happily.

“Look at all the residents now.

Sinners from all the seven rings

Coming to this hotel to seek redemption!”

Charlie opens her arms wide to welcome incoming sinners.

“Good morning, sinners!

Welcome to Hazbin Hotel!

Where change is possible!

Where we try every day to be better!”

Charlie ushers the other sinners in while repeating her chorus.

“Good morning, sinners!

I hope you enjoy your stay.

This is a rehab to leave behind all of your old habits.

A place where we can all grow together!”

She tries to ask the sinners if they need help while singing,

“Oh, oh.

How can I help you today?

Oh, oh,

How can I assist you today?”

“Honey, that means the same thing,” Vaggie reminds Charlie, trying to calm her down.

“Heh, right,” Charlie utters with a nervous smile.

Nifty jumps out, chasing the black bug crawling around the floor and singing,

“I’m gonna kill some bugs, hehehehe!

Ooh, is that a knife I see?”

Angel comes into the scene and lifts Nifty away from sharp knives at the bar while crooning.

“Whoa there, missy, Charlie says for you to not touch sharp objects.”

Charlie smiles and sings happily,

“Thanks, Angel.”

Angel nods while Husk notices a patron sulking.

Then Husk sings in baritone,

“You look like shit.”

The patron croons back,

“Give me the strongest you got.”

“Uh, isn’t that too early for that?” Husk asks the patron. The speakers goes static, which hurt Husk’s ears temporarily.

Up in the radio tower on the several story hotel, the tall demon with a red bob-cut hair and ears like a deer, Alastor, starts to sing in his radio voice.

“In today’s announcements,

The hotel has gain population

Four months after the last extermination.

What a miracle that it garners folks’ attention.

I guess Charlie’s little idea might bring hope.”

Charlie sings the chorus to welcome the new hotel guests.

“Good morning, sinners.

Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel.

Some day, you’ll reach the pearly gates.

Some day, you’ll break free from old habits.”

Vaggie, Angel Dust, Husk, Alastor, and Nifty gather around Charlie to sing with her in the last chorus.

“Good morning, sinners!

Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!

Where we all have each other!

Maybe some day there will be a path to Heaven.”

The music ends in a happier note, leaving the incoming guests to cheer at the gang.

Charlie claps excitedly and turns to the rest. “Well done, guys!”

“We want to check in,” the hotel guest with family of four uttered.

“Oh yeah, be there in a minute,” Charlie calls to the hotel guest and looks at the gang. “Make sure you guys get comfortable. We’re going to do some trust exercises later.”

Husk and Angel groan at the activity while Vaggie rolls her eyes at them. When she walks away, Angel shifts his glance at Husk.

“Will you catch me when I fall later?” Angel asks in a flirty tone.

“That depends on the mood,” Husk answers with a smirk.

Angel chuckles. “Mind if we talk some more at the bar?”

Husk nods and walks over, leading Angel back over at the bar.

“So, got anything to spill to an old bartender?” Husk asks.

“Oh, you know the usual. Last night was fucking insane.”

“Do tell.”

“Okay, so Valentino had some kinks that are just weird. Like a crime show where the cops fuck the prisoner or something.”

“Huh, weird.”

“I know. And guess who's the prisoner?”

Husk ponders, pretending to think with a smirk. “Hmm, the one who snorts thin lines on a hunk’s abs--”

“Oh, fuck you,” Angel teases.

“I mean if that’s what you want to do.”

Angel giggles. “Ah, you’re learning the ways of my jokes.”

“Your mind can’t even get out of the gutter for one goddamn second,” Husk responds with chuckles.

Both of the men share laughs while Husk’s hand was close to one of Angel’s hands. His pinky claw manage to rub the top of Angel’s pink glove hand before hearing the phone ring.

Angel’s smile instantly fades away once he looks at who’s calling him.

Valentino.

Husk reads his friend’s face for a moment with a frown. “You don’t have to answer that.”

Angel looks up at Husk and then back at his phone. He appears like he’s not going to answer the call, but hesitates.

“I have to,” Angel utters, answering the phone. “Hello?”

Husk watches Angel hugging himself nervously with his four arms, his legs dangle from the barstool.

“I can’t today, Val. I got some chores to do at the hotel--”

Husk can hear Val screaming about something, but can’t make out the words. However, he watches Angel’s shoulders trembling.

“Okay, okay...I’ll be there. Don’t worry...I’ll--”

The voice interrupts Angel for a moment.

“Yes, five minutes. Okay. Bye,” Angel says as he hangs up the phone. A deep sigh escapes from him, leaving concern for Husk.

“You have to go?” Husk asks.

Angel lifts his head, taking a deep breath as if he is putting on the mask. “Yeah, I’ll be gone for a while. But I’ll come back for a drink.”

Husk fakes a smile while watching Angel getting up from the barstool. “Alright, I’ll see you tonight then.”

“Tonight sounds good,” Angel replies and struts away with confidence, but Husk can see that Angel was in a rush to get to the studio.

Husk loses his smile and sighs sadly.

“Hey, you okay there?” Vaggie’s voice calls him.

The bartender glances up to see Vaggie, straightening himself up. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

Vaggie smirks. “Getting worried about Angel, huh?”

“No, I ain’t even worried about him. I’m sure he can handle himself.”

“Not like you’re on a date with him, are ya?”

“What? Fuck, no! He’s just my drinkin’ buddy,” Husk responds defensively.

“Uh-huh, sure,” Vaggie teases.

Husk gruffs, but he doesn’t expect her hand on his shoulder in comfort.

“I’m sure Angel will be fine. Just as long as he comes back from the studio in one piece, he’ll be just fine.”

He sighs and nods. “Yeah, yeah, I ain’t that worried about him.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” she responds with a smirk, walking away.

He moves his gaze up to watch her walking away back towards her girlfriend, giving Charlie a peck on the lips of affection.

His thoughts are on him and Angel immediately. Does Angel think that he has feelings for him? Or does Angel even have feelings for him? Damn it, now he’s thinking Angel of all people to think about. Husk groans at himself and turns to the refrigerator next time. He opens the fridge and notices a lot of food they have been storing up. Husk pulls the food out and examines the bread. A nice thought enters his head. Maybe he can make Angel some lunch...you know, for the wild rough sex he might have later. Might as well have some food in his stomach. Or does Val allow lunch breaks for Angel?

Husk shrugs the question off and begins making a sandwich. Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich. That should be a safe meal.

Husk takes the brown paper bag out and stuffs an apple in the bag. Then he gets out a ziploc bag and puts the sandwich in it. He places the sandwich in the brown lunch bag. He rolls up the top to seal it and writes Angel’s name on the bag with the sharpie.

“Perfect,” Husk mutters to himself. He looks around to make sure Vaggie and Charlie or Alastor aren’t around. He sneaks out of the hotel as quickly as he can and hurries down into the city.

~.~

“Where’s that damn studio?” Husk curses himself, searching around the city for the studio Angel works at. He looks up to see the big sign that says ‘Porn Studios’. “Oh, fuck, there it is. Make it big and obvious why don’t you?”

Husk enters the studio with Angel’s lunch. He walks through the studio where he hears a familiar slimy voice. And then Angel’s moans. He follows the sounds of Angel’s moans and manages to enter the right film set. Once he enters, he sees Angel laying naked on the wooden table with the actors dressed as cops.

Husk looks away quickly before he can analyze any one else’s nakedness. He hurries to the small table with all the bags.

Val notices Husk walking to the side with a groan. “Ugh, cut.” He turns to Husk. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Relax, man, I’m just delivering something,” Husk answers while looking at Angel, who is now covering his nakedness with his pink robe. He shows Angel his lunch and puts it in the spot where he will remember it.

“Thank you,” Angel mouths.

Husk smiles softly at Angel.

“Make you sure you watch Fat Nuggets for me,” Angel adds with a whisper.

Husk gives him a thumbs up and nods.

Val notices the exchange, watching the way Angel smiles like a lovesick school boy at Husk and Husk gives him the same look. With a small growl and he whispers to the other actors.

Husk sees that and wonders what Val’s whispering about. The actors come back on set with Angel undressing himself off of his robe.

“Action!” Val shouts impatiently.

Husk is about to walk away until he hears Angel gasp in shock.

“Wait, this isn’t part of the script!” Angel cries.

Husk snaps his attention to Angel, watching Angel getting manhandle on his stomach by three of the buff actors. His head is slammed against the table while he is struggling helplessly.

“No, wait, stop!” Angel shouts in fear.

Husk clenches teeth, feeling a growl rumbling in his throat. He witnesses one of the actors taking his pants off and forcing himself in Angel, who screams in pain.

“Ah! AH! It fucking hurts! Stop--!”

“Keep it going,” Val says slimly.

Husk’s anger rises to his chest, losing control of himself at the moment he watches Angel scream in pain. It’s sudden that black tentacles grows from the ground around Angel, shoving the other actors off of him.

Val turns with a surprise look at Husk, whose eyes are turning glowing green.

“You get the fuck away from him!” Husk screams, teleporting in front of Angel’s naked figure to protect him from the other actors.

The actors scream in terror at the sight of the tentacles growing all around Husk and Angel.

“Husk?” Angel calls softly.

Husk breathes heavily, losing control of himself. He uses the tentacles to stab through the actors, possessing them to turn against Val.

“Husky, what the hell are you doing?” Angel questions, now more scared.

Husk controls the other actors to take out weapons, ready to use against Val. Angel notices that Husk is out of it and runs in front of Val to defend him.

“Husk, stop!” Angel cries.

Husk stops the actors from pursuing Val, knowing that Angel is standing in between them and Val. Val smirks at Husk.

Husk relaxes his shoulders and the tentacles. “Angel?”

Before Husk can say anything, a green shackle appears around his throat. Instantly, the tentacles disappears and the actors are not longer possessed.

Angel watches Husk struggling in his chains with the green glow in his eyes still. Soon, his eyes start to tear up as he rushes up to Husk. “HUSK!!!”

Husk starts struggling in his chains, not realizing that Alastor appeared beside him.

“Sorry for the little inconvenience,” Alastor replies to Val as he’s dragging Husk away. “It won’t happen again.”

Husk attempts to swipe at Val like an angry cat, but misses. “No! You leave him alone! Don’t you fucking hurt him! Don’t you fucking dare hurt him--!”

Alastor manages to pull Husk out of the studio as Husk is passing out from using his unknown powers, leaving Angel alone with the other actors and Val.

Val snaps his head to glare at Angel, who is starting to breathe heavily in fear.

~.~

“Don’t you fucking hurt him! Don’t you fucking dare hurt him! Please...please...please, don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt him.”

Husk starts fluttering his eyes open with a pained groan.

“Ow, what the fuck?” Husk utters before realizing he is being dragged away from the studio. He glances up and watches Alastor dragging him away. A sudden pang of fear flashes across his face as he starts to struggle.

“Wait, what the fuck? What’s going on?!” Husk screams in panic.

“Ah, you’ve finally snap out of it. Took you a little while,” Alastor says in a radio static voice. “You have been a little nuisance to Val.”

“N-Nuisance?” Husk gasps in realization. “Wait, he was hurting Angel--”

“Ah, that’s the only reason why you used our shared powers, eh?” Alastor replies, helping Husk up on his feet.

“S-Shared powers?” Husk asks.

“Why yes. Since your soul belongs to me and you are in these chains, you have also my shared powers that you can use whenever you want...however, I never tell any overlords that. You are the only former overlord that I know that knows this now. You’ve gambled for power...you got it. Only half of it.”

“I-I didn’t even know,” Husk replies while walking with Alastor.

“Well, now you do. So, every time you feel a powerful emotion, these powers will serve whatever your emotional desires are...which seems to be protecting your sweet, sweet Angel from one of the most powerful overlords.

Husk remembers suddenly of how Angel stands between Val and him, stopping him from potentially killing Val. He clenches his teeth in hurt when he remembers how scared Angel appears to be.

“Shit,” Husk mumbles tearfully.

“What was that?” Alastor questions.

“Nothing,” Husk responds while wiping away any tears leaking out of his eyes.

They finally arrive at the hotel with Charlie and Vaggie by the door. Charlie rushes up to Husk and Alastor.

“Alastor, what are you doing to him?” Charlie utters in fear at Husk being in chains.

The chains around Husk’s neck disappears.

“I manage to find him at the Porn Studios with Angel. But don’t worry, everything is fine now,” Alastor reassures the girls.

Charlie shifts her glance at Husk in more concern. “Is everything okay, Husk?”

Husk frowns and looks away. With a huff, he walks into the hotel without an answer.

Charlie and Vaggie exchange glances at each other in concern and then look up at Alastor, who just shrugs and walks into the hotel after Husk.

~.~

Night comes around as Charlie and Vaggie watches Husk cleaning the same shot glass for hours straight.

“Yeah, there’s definitely something wrong with Husk,” Vaggie assumes.

“Alastor said that he’s at the Porn Studios...he must have witness the shitty treatment Angel gets at that place,” Charlie says with a frown. “Should we go over there and comfort him?”

“Eh, I think he’s in his own head for right now--” Vaggie’s sentence is interrupted when Angel walks through the doors, with a black eye on his left eye and a busted up lip. Blood is trickling down to his neck. Bruises are on his arms as if someone grab him and manhandle him and on his neck as if someone is trying to choke him. He has slashes across his legs and bloody bite marks on his shoulders. His clothes are shredded and his legs are wobbly from walking long distance.

“Holy shit!” Charlie cries, her horns appearing on the sides of her head while her eyes turns red with white pupils. She and Vaggie hurry by Angel’s side to help him walk properly through the door.

“What the fuck happen to you?!” Vaggie asks angrily.

Charlie summons the first aid kit and opens it to get the alcohol and cotton ball out.

“I-I’m fine, guys. I’m fine,” Angel reassures with his voice barely audible.

Before the girls can insist otherwise, they hear Husk’s footsteps darting across the bar and towards where Angel and the girls are.

Husk stands there behind them, unaware of Alastor approaching the scene to watch the events unfold.

Nifty keeps dusting the furniture, ignoring the situation completely.

Husk breathes heavily, the anger returning to him. “He did this to you, didn’t he?”

Angel seals his lips and looks away.

Husk clenches his fists. “That’s it! I’m going to kill him! I’m going to kill him--!”

Before Husk can storm out of the hotel to find Valentino, he feels the chains around his throat holding him back. He looks to see Alastor, who shakes his head for him to stop. Husk glances to see Charlie and Vaggie tending to Angel’s wound, not following Husk or telling Alastor to let go of him.

“Husk, you need to calm down,” Vaggie says, putting her hand up like she’s trying to calm a feral cat. “I know you’re upset about what happened to Angel. We are too. But--”

Husk slams his fist against the wall next to the front door, leaving a large crack on it. The tears edges out of his eyes. “Then why the fuck hasn’t anyone done anything about protecting Angel, huh?!”

No one answers the question. Charlie’s horns goes back into her head as she keeps tending to Angel’s wounds.

Husk breathes heavily in hurt, noticing Angel’s scared expression. A groan escapes his lips as he shakes his head. He storms back into the hotel and upstairs to find his room, the chains around his throat disappearing.

Charlie and Vaggie soften their gazes at Husk, which is noticed by Alastor.

“Don’t worry about him,” Alastor reassures the girls. “He’ll come around.”

Angel frowns in disbelief, watching Husk going into his room.

~.~

Husk hugs his legs on his bed within his room. His wings wrap around him as he tries to withhold his tears. He doesn’t know why he’s been hurt that a local pornstar is getting hurt and abused.

Husk buries his head into his thighs until he hears a knock.

“Go away,” Husk utters, but it is muffled by his croaked voice and his thighs. The door open. “Do you not get the concept--?!”

He stops himself to realize that it is just Angel entering the room, now in a pink bathrobe with a sandwich on the plate.

Husk immediately wipes a tear away. “I thought you’re Charlie.”

Angel softly smiles and walks over to Husk, sitting next to him on the bed. He offers up the plate with half of a sandwich.

“I saved you a sandwich,” Angel responds, his voice recovering a bit slowly, though it is still cracked.

Husk frowns at hearing Angel’s voice. “He destroyed that pretty voice of yours, did he?”

Angel waves it off as if is no big deal. “I’ll get my voice back. Besides, this is usually the time I snort crack at a local club.”

“But you didn’t though.”

“I rather be in here with you than out there,” Angel says, one of his hands on Husk’s. “I miss my bartender.”

Husk holds Angel’s hand tightly. “I wish you let me kill him.”

Angel frowns and scoots closer to him. “You can’t kill overlords unless you’re Alastor. Besides, I don’t want him coming after you if he comes back from the ‘dead’. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry about. It’s that bastard who fucked you up,” Husk argues. “Every night is like this. Every night, you come home in pain and now, you can barely talk. This shit ain’t normal, Angel!”

“It’s normal to me,” Angel blurts out, tears leaking out of his eyes.

Husk stops with his words and frowns. He shakes his head and lets go of Angel’s hand.

“I wish it wasn’t normal for you.”

“As long as the contract stands, I can never leave Val,” Angel replies to Husk, hugging him to comfort him. “I can’t leave him, Husky.”

“I know, I know, legs,” Husk responds, hugging Angel back. His heartbeat is calmer than it was in the past few hours. Angel’s hugs are always so warm...why?

“I know that this might be the worse time to say this, but you’re hot when you summon those tentacles,” Angel whispers to Husk.

Husk snorts. “Really? I could’ve hurt you with them.”

“Well, if I wasn’t so scared for you and what Val will do to ya, I would’ve been turned on. Do you think you can summon them again?”

Husk breaks away from Angel, shaking his head. “Are you kidding me? No. I don’t even know how to summon them again.”

“Aw, not even one more time for me to see, daddy~?”

“Alright, that’s enough of your kinkyness. Get on out of here before I summon them again to slap the shit out of you,” Husk teases Angel.

Angel coos jokingly. “Aww, you would never do anything to hurt me, Husky boy~”

“Keep at it and you’ll see,” Husk responds, failing at containing his laughing smile.

Angel smirks at Husk, groaning playfully. “Fine, I’ll go to bed. Fat Nuggets must be waiting for his papa. Thanks for looking out for him.”

Husk widens his eyes in realization. “Uh, shit, I, uh, was too wrapped up in thinking about what happened at the studio. Shit--”

“It’s okay, baby. I get it. Get some rest. We’re both gonna need it.”

Husk smiles and nods. “Okay, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Angel leaves the room, shutting the door behind him.

Husk loses his lovesick smile, staring out of the window to see night with the red sky still. The soft music begins as he takes a deep breath and looks at himself in the mirror in front of him.

“How could I watch him get hurt?

Why am I such a loser?”

Husk stands up from the bed, ambling towards the balcony as he croons more.

“I’ve lost my way.

I never thought I find someone just like me.”

Husk looks down to find Angel taking Fat Nuggets, his pig, out for a walk.

“You have to deal with the gruesome damages

From that motherfucker of a boss.”

He looks up at the radio tower where Alastor is watching over everything.

“And there’s nothing we can do to save each other.”

He glances down at Angel, watching him turning a corner where he can’t see him anymore.

“Oh, there’s nothing we can do.”

He has a sudden memory of what Angel says a moment ago.

“As long as that contract stands, I can never leave Val,” Angel’s voice enters his head.

Husk blinks in realization and sings.

“Unless there is a way.”

The music begins to build up as he sings with more determination.

“Unless we can get out of this loop of abuse.

Unless we can escape from this torment.

We don’t really have to live like this anymore.”

The music builds up as Husk notices the faded chains around his neck and sings.

“If only I can break these chains,

I can save you from your boss.

If only I can break these chains,

We’ll be free from the shit-hole we’re in.”

Husk extends his wings and takes off flying from the balcony, feeling the cool wind. He looks down to see the ground getting smaller and smaller as the music starts to pick up the pace.

“I know I’ve fucked up, but maybe Charlie’s right.

If we free our souls from the powerful overlords,

Maybe that’s our one-way ticket to Heaven’s Gates.”

Husk feels a tug around his neck before he goes further than half of the city to get to Porn Studios. He glances to find the chains tightening around him. He struggles to fight it as the guitar solo starts to play.

“But these damn chains keeps getting tighter and tighter!

Oh fuck, I can’t breathe!

What can I do to save you?!

I’ll give anything if it means saving you!”

Husk starts to black out for a moment. However, once he opens his eyes, he sees a bright beautiful forest land that goes for miles without stopping. He looks down to see that the chains around his neck on the ground. He sees Angel up ahead, waving at him with one of his arms before running off. Husk chases after Angel while singing in beautiful melody.

“Once I break these chains,

I’ll be running through the field to get to you!

Oh, once I break these chains,

I’ll be running through the forest to get to you!”

Husk manages to catch up with Angel, grabbing both of his bottom set of hands. Angel laughs and spins him around, colorful butterflies flutter around them in the meadow.

“Whoa, I don’t know what’s gotten over me.

I don’t want to wake up from this dream.

Don’t wake me up from this dream--”

Husk watches Angel’s body disintegrate into butterflies, flying away from his hands as the darkness sucks him away from Angel.

Husk gasps on the bed in his bedroom. He looks to find the chains tied around his neck, now more visible. He stares up at the ceiling, tears leaking out of his eyes.

“I swear I’ll get us out of this goddamn place,

Even if kills me.

What more can I do for you,

If I’m in these fucking chains?”

Husk sits up, breathing heavily and now determined. The music picks up the pace for the final chorus as he strides towards the balcony again.

“I’m gonna set us both free from these chains!

I don’t know how or when, but hold on for me!

I’m gonna set our contracts ablaze and pray

That someday we don’t have to stay here long!”

Husk pauses as the music softens. He looks down to see Angel cuddling Fat Nuggets from below. He softens his gaze and perches at the railing of the balcony to get a better look at Angel.

“Some day, we won’t have to stay here ever again.”

The music ends while Husk is staring at Angel with a gentle smile.

~.~

“Do you think Husk is mad at me?” Charlie asks Vaggie while they are taking a walk around the hotel.

“Babe, he’s not mad at you. He’s just upset at what happen to Angel. And I don’t blame him. I want to kill Val now just as much as anyone, but I don’t want to put Angel through worse abuse because of it,” Vaggie reassures her girlfriend. “I think Husk and Angel are in a secret relationship.”

“What?! No way!”

“Yes way.”

Charlie squeals. “Aww, they are so fucking adorable. I’ve been shipping them since they got home from the club one night. I hope it all works out for them.”

“Hey, that’s what I think, babe. Take it with a grain salt,” Vaggie reminds her girlfriend softly.

“Of course, of course, it’s--” Charlie notices something or someone in the bushes, watching them.

Vaggie notices it with her girlfriend, taking out her spear. “Show yourself, you fucking creep!”

The little yellow-furred spider girl stumbles out of the bushes.

“Aww, she’s just a child,” Charlie coos.

Vaggie slowly puts her angelic spear away. “Oops.”

Charlie crouches to make the same eye-level contact. “It’s okay. We’re not going to hurt you. Where are your parents?”

The little girl doesn’t answer.

Vaggie arches a brow and looks around for her parents. “Did they leave you here?”

She winces when Vaggie tries to come closer to her.

Charlie notices the spider girl’s injured leg. “Aw, you’re hurt. We have first aid kit. We’ll patch that wound right up.”

The little spider girl comes just a little closer to them once she realizes that they aren’t there to hurt her. Her legs wobble, with the injury revealing a hellhound bite.

“Holy shit,” Vaggie gasps in shock. “Here, let’s get that clean up.”

“Yes, come on,” Charlie says while extending her hand.

The little spider girl grabs her hand as she is being led by both Vaggie and Charlie back into the hotel to get a better look at the wound.

To Be Continued...

[midnightnautilus]

hey so what's your pitch for the yellow jacket animatic to hit song "good life" by Schayfer James-

OK SO—

The beat of the song - that repeating rhythm we hear in the beginning - starts us off with a bunch of static sequential shots, starting off with Hannah getting the vision in wood shop class, getting her finger cut off, going to the hospital, Lex looking worried and pacing, the next day of Lex going off to work, Hannah and Ethan going to Pete’s, Eddie watching them and taking them in his limo. As the lyrics start, these sequential static shots stop as Eddie talks to Hannah in the limo.

“We’ve got a cabinet full of clowns, with panhandle haircuts,”

We see them taken inside the roller rink with the fighting going on and the teens in their colorful fighting costumes. Hannah’s eyes go wide.

“you’ll believe it when you see it for yourself,”

Match cut to Hannah now in the Yellow Jacket uniform. She is handed the Mind Milk by Eddie, who winks.

“There’s a lady in the lounge wearing technicolor makeup”

Hannah drinks it and we see her eyes go blue for a minute. Cut to the ring, where Spitfire is ready for action. Hannah gulps.

The chorus is where the action scene happens - “so come inside, come inside and get that good good life” is where Ethan is handed the check and Hannah is getting cheered on.

During the short instrumental break, we get another set of static shots on the rhythm as Ethan shows Lex their new house. As they cheer excitedly, we pan down through the house into a transition into the Black and White.

“It is an eagle in the attic with a semiautomatic”

A brief shot of John Macnamara in the void seemingly knowing the sisters’ fate fades into a morning at the Fosters’ new house.

“There’s a couple getting frisky in the hall”

Ethan and Lex hug and kiss in the bounce house. It’s very sweet.

“A television in the kitchen that’ll feed your children static”

Hannah eats breakfast while a TV plays an ad for the Sing Along Pokey doll

“If you’re lonely, there’s a number you can call”

As she walks away, Uncle Wiley’s eyes follow her.

The next chorus is a montage of fight scenes and other events in YJ. We see brief flashes of Webby, but Hannah keeps her out.

“Folks - pay no attention to those crooks behind the curtain”

We cut to a dark hallway in a building in CCRP. The door opens, and we see Charlie, Eddie, and Otho around a table. Charlie ruffles Otho’s hair condescendingly and Otho glowers.

“They will tell you your future is deadly and certain”

Worm’s eye view close up of Charlie’s hand which fingers the destruct button

“They will sell you a dream for a dollar ninety nine”

We cut to Lex stocking shelves, and we see her turn in shock at thd Pokey dolls lining the shelves.

“Then make you repay it or call it a crime”

The dolls leap on her, blue goo filling the screen as she falls into the Black.

“Folks, we are losing a war with the enemy within us”

Cut to Hanna arguing with Webby.

“The greed that we feed will devour and kill us”

Hannah pushes her out of her mind with a blast of light. Transitions to her in the ring, fearfully looking on as

“So come on up and come inside”

In the ring we see Otho and his puppets rise above Hannah, morphing into one giant figure that is Pokotho

“Cause there is nothing you can prove and there is nothing you can hide”

Hannahbraces herself before she realizes Lex is in front of her now in the ring. The chorus goes as the Fosters take down Otho and Charlie. We then transition to Ethan and Lex talking and fighting, and at last them settling in for the night. Day comes and Ethan is alone. The last set of instrumental static shots is Ethan reading the letter, the girls crossing the Nantucket bridge, Hannah looking out the window and seeing a view of Hatchetfield far away. The window looks like it cracking more and more as the last shot of the scene is Webby in the center of a spider web in the shape of the cracks.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Slashers / Horror Villains as: Animated (Children’s) Movie Villain Songs

+ A Nightmare Before Christmas 

First of all, its mostly Disney. Second of all, I hope you know that this was a struggle for me. 

Also, note, Bubba will be the only Leatherface in this post and Billy and Stu will be the only Ghostfaces. There is Norma Bates though, so sort of a consolation. 

There are links to videos on YouTube ^^

~~~

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher / Ghostface: Playing With the Big Boy’s Now (Hotep and Huy, Prince of Egypt) 

Well... they’re part of the ‘big boys’, now! They are part of the Slashers group that, uh, ‘inspired them’. Imagine instead of Egyptian Gods, they’re chanting Slasher names. 

[HUY] Pick up your silly twig, boy [HOTEP & HUY] You're playing with the big boys now! Ha ha ha ha!

[EGYPTIAN PRIESTS] By the power of Ra Mut, Nut, Khnum, Ptah Sobek, Sekhmet, Sokar, Selket Anubis, Anukis Hemsut, Tefnut, Meshkent, Mafdet... 

Chop Top and Nubbins + Bubba Sawyer / Leatherface: Kidnap Mr Sandy Claws (Lock, Shock and Barrel, Nightmare Before Christmas) 

I mean... they aren't Drayton’s minions, but they are like this XD 

I say that we take a cannon, aim it at his door And then knock three times And when he answers Sandy Claws will be no more

Yes you're so stupid, think now If we blow him up to smithereens We may lose some pieces And then Jack will beat us black and green

Kidnap the Sandy Claws Tie him in a bag

Chucky / Charles Lee Ray: In The Dark Of The Night (Rasputin, Anastasia)

Mystical man? Check! ‘Betrayal’ (As far as he sees it)? Check. Made them pay? Check; I think Nica, Sarah and all the other families he destroys throughout the franchise can attest to that. And ‘One little girl got away’? Well Andy isn’t a girl, but yeah. Check. 

I was once the most mystical man in all Russia When the royals betrayed me they mad a mistake My curse made each of them pay But one little girl got away Little Anya, beware Rasputin's awake

Drayton Sawyer: Don’t Fall In Love (Forte, Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas) 

Its such a crochety, unessessarily rude way of describing relationships to someone! I mean, I understand completely and resonate deeply with the desire to be alone and not be responsible for anyone else, but- come on! Beast doesn't share your view! Let it go! 

Its just like Drayton’s reaction to Bubba having a crush. Super cool video too! 

As soon as your heart rules your head Your life is not your own It's hell when someone's always there It's bliss to be alone

And love of any kind is bad A dog, a child, a cat They take up so much precious time Now, where's the sense in that?

Freddy Krueger: No More Mr Nice Guy (Rothbart, Swan Princess) 

A man with an uncomfortable relationship with the main female character pretending to be normal and not homicidal for a while before unlocking more power and letting there inner bad guy loose and taking great pleasure in it? Sounds familiar. They also have a similar vocabulary- except of course Rothbart is rated G. 

I'll become that nasty, naughty, dirty, spiteful Wicked, wayward, way-delightful Bad guy I was born to be

Lyin' loathesome, never-tender Indiscreet repeat offender No more Mr Nice Guy That's not me 

Inkubus: The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind (Professor Rattigan, The Greatest Mouse Detective)

‘Inkubus’ is literally a movie about him listing all his crimes over the centuries and messing with the police force because he has a bone to pick with a detective. Sounds pretty similar to me! Listen to the song! ^^

Now comes the real tour de force Tricky and wicked, of course! My earlier crimes were fine for their times But now that I'm at it again An even grimmer plot has been simmering In my great criminal brain! 

Jason Voorhees: Despicable Me (About Gru, Despicable Me) 

I... this is all I could think of!! But the more I listen to it and read the lyrics... it f i t s Jason so well! XD Please just let this slide; I know Gru isn't really a villain but he is at the start!! Let me have this. 

Why ask why? Better yet "Why not?" Why are you marking x on that spot? Why use a blow torch isn't that hot? Why use a chainsaw? Is that all you got? Why do you like seeing people in shock? But my question to you is "Why not?" Why go to the bank and stand in line Just use a freeze gun it saves me time. I'm havin' a bad, bad day It's about time that I get my way Steam rollin' whatever I see, Huh, despicable me I'm havin' a bad, bad day If you take it personal that's okay Watch, this is so fun to see Huh, despicable me

Jennifer Check: Trust In Me (Kaa, The Jungle Book) 

She’s a succubus demon. Tempting boys into a safe-feeling, docile state so she she can strike is her thing. 

Will cease to resist Just relax Be at rest Like a bird In a nest

Trust in me Just in me Shut your eyes And trust in me

Mayor Buckman and Granny Boone: Savages (Governor Ratcliffe and the Colonizer’s parts, Pocahontas) 

Obviously, because of the (Inaccurate) historical relevance of both movies (Different time’s, same terrible prejudice,) and also because there is definitely a very cult-ish feel about both Governor Ratcliffe’s song and Buckman’s leadership. How easily they’re able to gather support from their people for the most horrible reasons. How horrifying it is to audiences and historians. 

They're only good when dead They're vermin, as I said And worse

They're savages! Savages!

Barely even human

Savages! Savages!

Drive them from our shore! They're not like you and me Which means they must be evil We must sound the drums of war!

Michael Myers: The Gospel Truth II (Muses about Hades, Hercules)

In a Disney movie, Michael would have others sing his song about him as he goes about his silent, determined walking XD 

If there's one God you don't want to get steamed up It's Hades 'Cause he had an evil plan He ran the underworld But thought the dead were dull and uncouth He was as mean as he was ruthless And that's the gospel truth He had a plan to shake things up And that's the gospel truth

Midnight Man: Oogie Boogie’s Song (Oogie Boogie, Nightmare Before Christmas)

A song about a “Gamblin’ Boogie Man” is perfect for the Midnight Man! He and Oogie could be pals. 

Woah! The sound of rollin' dice To me is music in the air 'Cause I'm a gamblin' Boogie Man Although I don't play fair It's much more fun, I must confess When lives are on the line Not mine, of course, but yours, old boy Now that'd be just fine

Norma Bates: Mother Knows Best Reprise (Mother Gothel, Tangled)

Norma is soooooo so so so unbelievably manipulative towards Norman (And Dylan. It just works better on Norman) and this song absolutely presents that. She can go from sweet, loving mother to spiteful, heinous bitch in two seconds if Norman or Dylan don't do what or react the way she wants them to. 

Likes you? Please, Rapunzel, that's demented

This is why you never should have left! Dear, this whole romance that you've invented, Just proves you're too naive to be here Why would he like you? Come on now, really! Look at you, you think that he's impressed? Don't be a dummy Come with mummy

Pamela Voorhees: My Lullaby (Zira, The Lion King 2)

In a opposite approach to a villainous mother to Norma, we have Pam, who was heartbroken by the camp councillors letting her son die and vowed to get revenge. She didn't know she was teaching Jason to be the Crystal Lake killer like Zira did, but she did, and the whole song does have her kind of feel to it also. 

Sleep, my little Kovu Let your dreams take wing One day when you're big and strong You will be a kingI've been exiled, persecuted Left alone with no defense When I think of what that brute did I get a little tense But I dream a dream so pretty That I don't feel so depressed 'Cause it soothes my inner kitty And it helps me get some rest

Patrick Bateman: Cruella De Vil (Arthur, 101 Dalmations) 

Never before was there a song that described audiences reaction to watching Patrick living in his daily life and hearing his thoughts better then this one. 

Cruella De Vil Cruella De Vil If she doesn't scare you No evil thing will To see her is to Take a sudden chill Cruella, Cruella De Vil

The curl of her lips The ice in her stare All innocent children Had better beware She's like a spider waiting For the kill Look out for Cruella De Vil

Pennywise (Both): You’re Only Second Rate (Jafar, Return of Jafar)

Mostly for the video and Jafar’s energy in this scene actually XD So many transformations, so many tasteless puns! I was going to give this to Freddy but its the closest thing to Penny I could think of. 

Go ahead and zap me with the big surprise Snap me in a trap, cut me down to size I'll make a great escape It's just a piece of cake You're only second rate You know your hocus-pocus isn't tough enough And your mumbo-jumbo doesn't measure up Let me pontificate upon your sorry state You're only second rate

Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie Hewitt: Hellfire (Judge Claude Frollo, Hunchback of Notre Dame) 

A nasty filthy man who think’s he’s in the right despite being the biggest creep and monster ever? Mhm. 

*Note: I honestly didn't notice the deformed baby, Quasimodo/Thomas link until the day after I wrote this. Don't know how I feel about it. I mean, Hoyt is actually nice, in his way, to Thomas so the connection isn't totally there but onwards:

Beata Maria You know I am a righteous man Of my virtue I am justly proud

Beata Maria You know I'm so much purer than The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd 

End of Post! 🌼

(Bonus’ under the cut) 

I did think of other connections which I obviously didnt landed on but still have merit! Here! 

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher: ‘Gaston’ was considered, but that would have just been a joke XD I don’t think Stu is quite as obsessed with Billy as LeFou is with Gaston. 

Chucky: Friends on the Other Side. Obviously! That link was actually what inspired me to make this post. In The Dark of Night fits to a T though. 

Freddy Krueger: You’re Only Second Rate! Ah, its perfectttt. But No More Mr Nice Guy fits better. If I ever do a Slashers as Disney Villains post, he’ll be Jafar for sure. Or Hades. Or Scar. Or Oogie. Probably Hades. You know what? Without the gore and blood and explicit sexual references, Freddy could be a Disney Villain himself. Its not like Disney hasn't towed the line before with perverted villains. >_> (Jafar and Frollo) 

Jason and Pamela Voorhees: Mother Knows Best! Of course. 

Jennifer Check: Love is For Peasants (Barbie Island Princess) Because Jennifer thinks like this: 

Men? <<< Literally anything else. 

Patrick Bateman: How Can I Refuse? (From Barbie Princess and the Pauper) XD If Patrick were a kids movie villain, he would totally join the ranks of corrupted usurpers pretending to be trustworthy royal advisory staff. Also ‘Let It Die’, that little interruption part of another song that O’Hare sings in the Lorax and ‘How Bad Can I be?’. 

[tuesdayx]

So I thought it would be fun to do a song-by-song breakdown of our latest album Essential.

Essential started as some rough demos designated for a side project in late 2019, which then became our largest album to date in terms of song selection. Many of the themes deal with learning to cope with the changing world thanks to Covid, with a perspective of someone who had to keep working at an "essential" job with no option of self-quarantine. I was happy to continue working and being able to pay my bills over the past year, but there was always elements of stress, fear, and tension lingering over myself and everyone else in my position.

So here we go; starting from the top let's look at the Songs of Tuesday X's 6th album Essential.

1. Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel Beams: the title was a reference to the 9/11 conspiracy memes, which as stated in the opening lines, "has nothing to do with this song." Written in January of 2020 before Covid had made any significant impact in the US, the song touches on many themes which happened to occur throughout the year, such as [another] Californian forest fire (Australia too), new diseases (Covid), a riot (the BLM movement over the summer, which I will state everything that movement has been fighting for is 100% justified and the United States is in desperate need of Police reform, as does our political system which has remained inherently racist to this day.), Civil War (and exaggeration for sure, but the civil unrest and political division in our country will soon split us apart further), more corporate giants(companies like Amazon profited more from this Pandemic than ever before and have helped further the gap between the American working class and the top 1%). Favorite line: "I won't get philosophical, I only wanted your attention."

2. The Only Difference Between You and Me is a Sense of Apathy and Your Brand New Nikes: This song is a blithing criticism of the American political system. Our two party system has left Americans with a choice between "the lesser of two evils" and allows politicians with no true interest in our needs to rise to power. The use of 3rd parties as an alternative is a overly simple compromise that would only just begin to alleviate the problems created in our political system. Both of our main parties are considered conservative parties to the rest of the world, and any progressive measures that would benefit society and reduce the effects of climate change are considered radical and preposterous by politicians with financial stakes in our crooked system where corporatations hold control and the people are treated as fuel for an otherwise worthless currency. Favorite line: "Listen to the radio, they played my favorite song. Now I'm bored and wanting more."

3. Blame it on the Elves: the title is a reference to an episode of the Podcast "Lore" by Aaron Menke (i can't recall which episode, but you should check it out anyway because it's great listen.) An instrumental interlude inspired by ragtime music of the 1920-30's, with an edge of course.

4. Class of Dropouts: This song was written when I was 16 during my sophomore year of high school and was originally featured on my now unavailable album "trees" before adopting the Tuesday X monicker. I brought it back 6 years later because I loved how raw and punk it was. The lyrics are dorky but I decided to leave them as is, it's a cool track for high school stoners to blare and let out their teen angst. Favorite line: "Walking in on my friends fucking."

5. Polaroids on My Bulletin Board: This is a song about growing up. As a 22 year old (now 23) who decided not to go to college straight out of high school, I felt isolated from my peers in a way. By going into the workfield right away I sometimes feel like I skipped a few years and missed out on a lot of opportunities. I regret not leaving my hometown sooner than I did and chasing my dreams of being a touring musician in a band. More often than not I reminisce of my youth playing shows and getting into trouble, as I now feel old and out of place in a scene I grew up in. Favorite line: "I know what it's like to be alive, I know what it's like to live a lie."

6. Labradoodle Underpass: Going back on the theme of growing up, this is about my recent experience with shows as an adult. When I was a teenager I felt ambitious and ready for anything, and I would drop literally everything to go to the nearest show. As an adult I feel introverted and constantly anxious about the world around me. I've missed out on a lot of great shows due to my own self doubt's and anxiety. Now that shows have been canceled for over a year I feel even more regret by not appreciating them more while I could. Favorite line: "23 years and a lingering fear that anything could happen, why am I here?"

7. Some Shit: This was me trying to be modest mouse lol jangly guitars and half talking/half singing vocals describing the world around me. I guess in a way it was an exercise in writing character description and setting, but otherwise it's just a chill track that almost feels aimless at parts. Favorite Line: "it's just some shit I learned from a friend. Just some shit I learned when I was trying to prepare."

8: Woe is the World: On the album this is a chorus snippet that barely a minute long (the full version is available as a bonus track on bandcamp, and it was actually a demo that turned out better than the final version.) I originally wrote this song when I was 15 with a different set of lyrics, but I came back to it while writing this album and re-wrote it to reflect my mental state and the world around me. Overall, just another melancholy track in a sea of melancholy songs. Favorite line: "you've never felt more alone than you do now, was everything worth it in the end?"

9. Then Why Was it Named Gideon?: the title is a reference to a line in Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour (my favorite series) and like the first track on this album doesn't have much to do with the song. "Gideon" is a simple love song, talking again about how growing up sucks but having the right person by your side can make all the shitty times worth it in the end. Favorite line: "it's time to move on, you're taking too long."

10. I am Here, I'm Looking at Her, and She is Beautiful: This song is entirely about the book "Perks of Being a Wallflower". That's it. Nothing else, let's move on. Favorite line: "Over Christmas I read them a poem about a brown paper bag and the boy who wrote it."

11. Try to Be a Filter, Not a Sponge: Like the previous song, this one is also mostly about "Perks of Being a Wallflower", but with elements of my own experience with toxic relationships. I like to think of it as the character Charlie's experience with Mary Elizabeth overall though. Favorite line: "She called my favorite book washed out trash, said I have no taste and I'm still too sad."

12. Lavender Spray Bottle: This instrumental dates back to 2017. I recorded the guitar part as a demo on my phone and forgot about it. Over time I forgot how to play the guitar part, so I used the demo as a basis and layered everything else on top of it. The title is a reference to a bottle of water with lavender essential oils mixed in that my ex used to fend away spiders in the house we lived in at the time.

13. Hindsight is 2020: I will admit, this is my favorite song on the whole album and was actually the last to be written and recorded. With a simple guitar part and layers of vocals, this song is a direct reflection of life during the peak of the pandemic. With curfews in place and rising case counts, I had to learn to cope with life at home during my late nights away from work. My partner was quarantined during this time and I reflected on the mental strain this put on her. Favorite line: "Don't go to work, you need the money but you're not happy when you're there. Sometimes life is so unfair."

14. I Don't Know How to Deal With Serious Emotions Without Turning Them into a Fucking Joke: the title came from a meme I found on my phone from high school. The song itself was about my own inability to handle serious emotions without coming off as sarcastic. In both the music and lyrics, the song starts as a simple confession before exploding into raw chaos. Favorite line: "it's so hard. I'm so scared, what have I become?"

15. Say Hello to My Little Friend: the last instrumental on this album. A short haunting tune that reflects the final two tracks. The title is probably a reference to Rambo or something, but I never watched it and I thought it fit the feeling of this song.

16. Minneapolis: What became one of the most emotional tracks on this song actually began as a joke. My partner was snap chatting a friend one night and they asked me to write them a song on the spot. So I improvised the first two verses and chorus of this song, referencing her going to school there at the time. I found I actually liked what I had written however, so I refined the track and changed it from a sassy country song into a melancholic lament of my experience in the twin cities and southern Minnesota. Favorite line: "I miss Camp Snoopy, and Paul Bunyon's log flume ride that went around the whole damn mall."

17. Before the Sunrise: the final song on the album is an intimate look at my relationship with my partner. Through past experiences i have become riddled with self doubt and always looking at improving myself as a person. With hopes that one day I'll be the person I'd like to be for mine and their sake, it's an optimistic tribute to my best friend. Favorite line: "the cycle ends until the sun rises again, you're my best friend."

Thank you all so much! Check out Essential and our other music on Bandcamp, Spotify, Apple, and other places! I hope you all enjoyed this personal look at these songs that got me through the worst parts of 2020.

[pinkysfaultorbrainsfault]

animaniacs - season 1 episode 38 - spellbound

episode summary: inexplicably stuck in camelot times, brain tries to get the ingredience for a magic spell that allows the caster to take over the world. this episode has no relation to the other camelot episode and i don't... know why.

the rundown: we begin our episode with the assertion that this is England in 1194. at this point in history, everyone from fire emblem 16 has grown up and is gay married, but we're not focusing on them right now. we're going to camelot and asking about their round table.

lol.

anyway after we see this creepy spider do whatever he's doing, we meet... merlin, i guess.

my dude??? he looks different. did you go on queer eye, merlin? whatever. he technically doesn't say he's merlin, so... maybe he's the other guy? the older guy? who's like merlin's dad?

this fucker. is he in the original king arthur? idk man i only watch cartoons. anyway he is casting a spell and it is very important. important enough to require components from yoko ono, apparently. like she hasn't suffered on this show enough.

but who do we have here?

"mouse" as my flatmate elegantly put it when he walked past the tv room to get a water. but even better than mouse??? mouse in SHORTS. MOUSE IN SHORTS MOUSE IN SHORTS??? MOUSE IN SHORTS. MOUSE IN SHORTS LOOK AT HIS LITTLE LEGYS MOUSE IN SHORTS MOUSE IN. SHORTS MOUSE IN SHORTS. MOUSE IN SHORTS.

YES.

pinky is not wearing shorts, which is incredibly disappointing. he's wearing some sort of sleeveless shirt dress tunic thing in an awful colour that someone like kanye west or justin bieber probably sells on their merch store for like a thousand dollars. he got the yeezy fit, damn. despite the designer status of his clothes, his bedroom eyes still do not convince me.

"i wish i was a windowsill so i could be--! ah. um."

"an imbecile?"

"ah! haha good rhyme, brain!" the bop of the century. kanye west sells the "windowsill" remix in vinyl on his online store for an additional fifty dollars.

after naming a few more celebrities ("I win, you win, edwin newman") the cauldron explodes in a puff of green smoke! and we get!

a pie. “lo!” he cries. “i’ve made a nice pie.”

hm. pinky is impressed. brain is uh. i think he mentally checked out? whatever he's doing i cannot stop fucking laughing at it. i actually had to put this post on pause for longer than anticipated because brain’s stupid face got to me. i’m so sorry. i started writing this at like 11pm gmt on the 11th and it just didn’t get to y’all in time because of brain’s stupid fucking face.

i’m sorry. brain is less impressed and declares it a “waste of magic”, and that he “would never squander such mystical powers over mere pastry.”

“poit. but what if you were eating dinner and you forgot dessert?”

“maybe then.”

but there is trouble afoot! Old Man Merlin has realised that king arthur will want some of his pie, and decides he’d better eat it in the dungeon so that doesn’t happen.

brain takes this opportunity to look through Old Man Merlin’s big book of spells. he “will use merlin’s magic to take control of the world” and then we get another nice closeup of his funny little face.

i don’t know why animaniacs was so keen on doing this? does it happen this much in the reboot? it feels like every episode we stare brain down to assert dominance.

“oh, no, no. where will you find a magic spell for that?”

“in the table of contents, pinky.”

“oh, well, very good.”

(the table of contents also contains a spell to “win at blackjack”, next to the taking over the world spell. brain considers this, for a moment, and then decides now is probably not the time.)

so good thing they have all the components for the magic spell, eh? including the Half Eaten Gingerbread Cookie That’s Been Left On The Counter All Night.

hmm.

oh, wait, no they don’t. turns out they’re fresh out of red dragon toenails, so brain’s solution to this problem is just to... go and get more, which is obviously a thing people do. they have to cross the enchanted forest to do that. it has witches and stuff. pinky rightfully points out that that is a lot of danger to overcome, and brain gets his stealing-the-minivan vibes back and nicks Old Man Merlin’s magic wand. he only knows one spell, but that won’t stop him.

the first obstacle they have to cross is the gingerbread house owned by... witch hazel from looney tunes. she’s a lot less annoying here than in bugs bunny lost in time, and informs brain that she is “waiting for pudgy german children.” instead of taking her suggestion to “get outta here”, brain magics her ass.

charlie sheen, ben vereen, shrink to the size of a lima bean.

they do get their ass handed to them by aforementioned pudgy german children, but then the german children decide that the mice have syphillis and yeet them in the general direction of slappy squirrel, who is here now.

she starts an argument with the goodfeathers, who are also here now, and brain takes it as their cue to leave.

but never mind all that! good thing there’s a handy bridge over this stream!

unfortunately, the bridge likes to spawn Giant Purple Hands That Kidnap Goats, so brain concludes they should cross said bridge using Stealth. unfortunately pinky drops the wand on the source of the Giant Purple Hands, and it is... relatively unhappy.

so brain pulls out the old “ charlie sheen, ben vereen, shrink to the size of a lima bean” again.

i did definitely think the troll was going to kick him in the crotch. i was very much sure of this, actually. instead it yeets him into rita and runt and fucks off.

“for goodness sake boxy” i hear you cry, “aren’t they at the dragon yet! this review has lasted a good twenty years of scrolling down my dashboard!” and i hear you, and you’re right, but the first thing you need to understand is; pinky has spent this whole episode singing. that little guitar he has? he has spent the whole episode replicating windowsill. “we’re in the woods so dark and stinky, to conquer the world, go brain and--” and then he forgets his name and brain has to remind him that it’s pinky. or remind him of his own name, or suggest like, steam to rhyme with stream. that is the running gag of this episode, and it is very important, at this stage, that you know that. pinky has not, as of yet, stopped singing and playing the lute.

so even though they make it to the dragon pretty mucn unscathed (aside from brain getting sat on by a giant, but i won’t go into that unless y’all specifically want details) pinky just has to have his little song in order to keep the dragon asleep.

and then brain yells at him for forgetting the word “sandman”, which breaks the toenail off completely,

and also wakes up the dragon, which can’t be good. it’s not happy! it was growing its’ nails out for paris fashion week.

brain tries his best to rectify this situation.

“charlie sheen, ben vereen--!”

charlie sheen and ben vereen are dead. i’m sorry to have to tell you. they shrunk down so much they got stuck in the quantum zone from antman and the wasp. someone should probably do something about that.

anyway the mice decide to hightail it back to Old Man Merlin’s.

conclusion: 

spoilies: they do make it back in one piece. i won’t detail the whole chase scene because it’s just a bunch of running, because the post is long enough already, and also because tumblr has eaten it three fucking times and i could basically type all this in my sleep now. the things i do for y’all. donate to the wavemaiden.

so pinky shoves all the ingredients into the pot, while brain finds The Take Over The World Spell. the dragon is harassing them this whole time, which feels unfair.

“listen carefully, pinky. i need to recite this spell exactly, and once i start i cannot stop. so i need you to be extra quiet, okay?”

“sure thing, brain.”

this lasts for approximately five minutes.

“brain’s the boss! he’ll rule with ease!”

“mystical powers, your might unfurled, grant that i become--”

“he’s the one! the big, erm. banana?”

“cheese!” yells brain, who has given up entirely by this point. “it rhymes with ease! big! cheese!”

hm.

“are you alright, brain?”

“i feel. odd.”

this is an interesting development.

so brain is cheese now! cool. i guess they have to wait for merlin to get back from Pie Heaven and turn him back, somehow? with his spare wand or whatever. this is definitely pinky’s fault, because brain did ask him to stay quiet for a bit surprisingly nicely (in brain terms) and he... did not. and now brain is a cheese.

on the other hand, this would probably work again if they tried it again, once merlin goes back to pick up some more toenails.

brain: 2 pinky: 3 outside influence: 5

“can i get you anything, brain? some medicine? a cracker?”

“were i not a large cheese, i would make you pay for that remark.”

[kathyprior4200]

The Seven Deadly Episodes

“Episode 1: That’s Entertainment!”

(See Hazbin Hotel, That’s Entertainment!)

Charlie sings her lament “I’m Always Chasing Rainbows.” Followed by “Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow” followed by “Alastor’s Reprise.”

(See also “Helluva Boss”)

 “Episode 2”

Part 1: Group eats Alastor’s Jambalaya and first customers arrive at the hotel. Vaggie works as a manager, Charlie and Alastor greet people at the door. Razzle and Dazzle and Niffty help with carrying bags to the rooms.

Charlie sings a happy song (“Things Can Go Well in Hell”)

 Part 2: Sir Pentious goes to Baxter and gives him technology and money in exchange for making him stronger Egg Bois and repairing his ship.

Baxter sings (“Science and Solitude Serenade”)

Sir Pentious sings a victory/anticipation song as his new inventions are made (“I’m Sssso Evil!”)

Part 3: Vaggie gets mad when Niffty, Angel, Alastor and Husk mess things up. Husk drinks and gambles too much, calling her a bitch, Niffy brings the wrong food to the rooms and Alastor knocks her down on purpose. And Angel’s antics and pole dancing make her mad. Alastor assaults Vaggie, slaps her butt and gropes her. Vaggie becomes jealous when Alastor and Charlie dance and hang out. Vaggie loses it when Alastor does radio dad jokes on stage. Angel leaves to see his family and prepare for the next turf war.

(Vaggie sings a ranting song: “I’m Gonna Kill Them”)

 Part 3: Valentino gets angry with Angel for not giving him money, resulting in a harsh “punishment” that was both arousing and deadly. Angel is further humiliated when Vox puts it on TV and Velvet shares it around social media. Henroin, his father, abuses Angel afterward, calling him a gay sissy druggie, while the white spider mother, Acknida, looks on.

Black furry brother Aracknis says to Angel and Molly they are slutty loser twins. Angel and Molly comfort each other and start the next turf war with Cherri vs Sir Pentious and Baxter, much to his gray furred father and older brother’s disgust.

Angel sings a lament/whimsical song about feeling stuck but trying to keep fighting and pursuing his ecstasy pleasures (“Fuck My Life…Dust Myself Off”)

The next battle is harder and Sir Pentious is almost victorious (“No Alastor to save you this time!”) Sir Pentious shoots a blast that destroys most of a city and lots of demons. Cherri tosses a bomb, causing the ship to crash toward the ground. (“My turf, you scrambled shit eggheads!”) She manages to blow up several other metallic egg bois before getting shot by Sir Pentious, knocked out. Molly and Angel scurry over to the base and blast Sir Pentious backwards, while making more sex jokes. The two of them manage to knock him out and declare West City theirs. Baxter heals Sir Pentious, stuns Angel and escapes via a smoke grenade, back to his lab.  Katie and Tom Trench share this on the news, Tom making dirty comments about Cherri and Molly. Molly watches in horror from behind a cliff as Vox and his demon minions drag an unconscious angel back to the studio (to be later brainwashed by Vox and Valentino.)

 Part 4: In a dramatic twist, Lucifer enters the hotel to see what is going on. Lucifer notices Charlie trying to rehabilitate demons and shakes his head. He criticizes her for being involved with Vaggie and trying to “hinder (his) routine/family tradition of instilling fear and suffering.” Helsa and her green brother Adrian (Charlie’s ex) also arrive to further mock Charlie and assault her plans.  Adrian tries to get back with Charlie by scooping her up in his arms…but Vaggie points her spear at him and he lets her go. Charlie explains why she broke up with him and encouraged him to see the good in people. He just scoffs. “It’s me or nobody,” he said.

  Charlie goes to talk with her parents in private. Lilith gets back from a concert performance and modeling shift.

The Magne Family sing a song called (“Royal Problems are Shit)”

(Charlie sings about wanting to redeem sinners, Lucifer sings about wanting to keep up his fear inducing reputation and Lilith sings about how busy she is and how she wants to spend more time with her family).

 In private with her parents, Charlie argues against the exterminations but Lucifer said it was part of an agreement between him and God: reduce the population so Hell wouldn’t be a threat. In exchange, the angels wouldn’t harm the royal family. The problem is…Heaven is elite and only chooses those who truly redeemed themselves and embraced God. Lucifer thinks Charlie’s plan won’t work 1 because the ridiculous idea would make the family look like a weaker joke and 2 he secretly worries that if Charlie redeemed sinners, she would go to Heaven with them, thus leaving her parents and kingdom behind.

(Brief backstory about how Lucifer met Lilith and fell from Heaven. “Demons never get second chances, Charlie. They’re destined to suffer like I did. Unfortunately, redeeming sinners is only half the hard part. Getting them into Heaven would be near impossible if they didn’t match up to certain standards.” Charlie, in tears, is still willing to try.)

No one notices a shadow spirit overhear their conversation and pass the information back to Alastor. He lets out a low laugh and says “Stay tuned,” (roll credits). Extra scene of the egg bois shooting each other with Sir Pentious’ ray gun, the overlord chasing after them in anger.

  “Episode 3”

 Charlie wonders where Angel is. Molly races to the hotel and tells them the news. Charlie and Alastor and several other demons volunteer to sneak into Vox’s lair and rescue Angel. Vaggie is left behind, fuming, Charlie had said “Vaggie we need someone to help protect the hotel.” Vaggie said “You wanna rescue that pervert, fine, but don’t expect me to give you any advice on where to get spears.”

Charlie apologizes and says her advice would be helpful. Vaggie gets another one from the black market, keeping her own. She gives it to Charlie in secret, saying “hold onto it, don’t let anyone else have it. And be careful.”

Molly recruits a porn-loving teen rebel Hellhound, Crymini.

 Charlie, Molly, Crymini, and Alastor and the group sneak into the studio. Vox has Angel hypnotized and orders him to attack. Vox then uses the time to brainwash the population with sex and propaganda on TV. Soon, everyone is hooked to the screens, giving Vox extra energy. Alastor encounters his rival and they both engage in a brutal fight over Hell. Alastor summons Niffty to fight Velvet and Husk to stop Valentino from violating Molly. Crymini fights off the minions of the three Vs.

Charlie briefly battles with Angel, his eyes red lines like Vox’s. She conjures up fire and notices the spear. She slices off a wire hooked to Angel’s head and breaks Vox’s possession by setting the spear tip on fire with her fingers, trapping Angel in a fiery pentagram, gently inserting it in the spot between his eyes, and chanting a Satanic cleansing ritual in French. (She learned that from Lucifer after he explained what could happen if she “took shit from other demons”).

Alastor and Vox are equally matched. Radio waves and TV screens clash throughout Hell. “TV killed the Radio Star begins to play, causing Alastor to start losing, even resulting in him being electrocuted in a tangle of cables. Niffty defeats Velvet with Molly’s help and a distraction from Cherri Bomb (escaping through the red smoke). Velvet gets up and brushes off the fire from her clothing.

Valentino, knocking Husk away says “Angel, baby, submit to me or I’ll kill you…or better yet, make you watch as I “mess” with your friends live on TV!” Angel’s eyes briefly turn into hearts…nearly under his control… “And you can say goodbye to your pathetic Happy Hotel!”

Husk offers to gamble against Valentino, the winner gets Angel. They gamble as the two overlords fight, outside. Husk wins but Valentino noticed him cheating. Before Valentino can unleash his full power, Vox and Alastor unintentionally ram into him as they fly through the wall and windows.

Lucifer, a flaming blue deer overlord, and a black spider overlord arrive to end the fight. Just before the fight ends, Alastor lands the victory blow, shattering a hole in Vox’s TV head and knocking him to the ground. Lucifer warns Vox and Alastor that he can send them into the void if they cause any more trouble. Both nod and separate. Vox goes back to the studio to get repaired and Valentino promptly fires Angel and takes his money. Now Angel suffers from withdrawal but Charlie helps him out. She reminds him of all the good things he has done…saving his friend’s lives, caring for his family, and working hard to stay clean.

Katie and Tom tell about the event on the news and their ratings go sky high.

 Katie and Tom visit the hotel at the wrong time. Charlie sings a cheesy song to Angel, Alastor, Husk, Niffty and Vaggie and the other demons (“Redemption and Rainbows.”)

The other demons laugh and Alastor laughs and claps. Charlie is once again, humiliated on the news. Catie joyfully calls Charlie a failure, as her plan hadn’t worked yet, making Charlie mad and upset again.

 Later Angel thanks Charlie for saving him and thanks Husk for saving his sister. Husk gradually warms up to everyone and even tells Alastor and the group about his time in the Vietnam War. It was revealed that Vaggie had told Charlie’s parents what was going on, (thus risking her life if she made a wrong impression to Lucifer) thus ending the battle and saving the area.

Many weeks later, Charlie excitedly announces that Angel, Vaggie, and maybe Husk are ready to go to Heaven.

 In private, it is revealed that Husk and Niffty sold their souls to Alastor in hopes of easier lives. Niffty, under possession, steals Vaggie’s spear and gives it to him. For the first time ever, Alastor frowns and cries…because of several reasons. 1 he discovers that his mother is in Heaven and that (in his mind) he cannot be redeemed and he can’t go see her…he’s a lost cause, as Lucifer had told him. 2 If he continued on with his plan, it would hurt Charlie and put their friendship on the line. His shadow overtakes him and his grins again, saying “Stay tuned” and eating a severed demon head.

 “Episode 4”

Charlie, Vaggie and the others sing karaoke and Angel Dust does some pole dancing (he makes Alastor try some moves much to his embarrassment.) Angel poses on a counter as a “tasty meal” while Alastor tries to “cook” him with a flamethrower. The new motto for the hotel made by Alastor “Come in and die… (Charlie quickly adds): “…of fun!”

Although Alastor had defeated Sir Pentious, made jambalaya for the group, encouraged Charlie along the way and helped in the battle against the three Vs, he also was up to no good. (The only one suspicious being Vaggie).

When Lucifer didn’t approve of Charlie’s idea, Alastor said Charlie’s idea was nonsense but then mentioned that he wanted to help her run it due to being bored. “Lucifer, you seem to be awfully hard on her a lot. Why so serious and strict?” Luicifer replied, “None of your fucking business, freak show. You don’t know what’s best for her. I told her not to trust any demons…especially the suspicious ones.” Alastor says with a (fake) pleading voice, “Please Lucifer sir, give Charlie a chance. I’m only here to help her out and protect the hotel.” Lucifer threatens to kill Alastor if he harms Charlie and Alastor knows not to mess with him…so he calculates his next move in his head.

He does other things as a trickster:

Alastor stirs an argument between Husk and a bunch of Hellhounds over who won a rigged card game.

Aastor broadcasts murders, Hazbin Hotel events and dad jokes for comedic effect.

He calls Niffty in to wake demons super early to rapidly clean their rooms and serve them (misplaced) breakfast meals.

Husk hordes the liquor and wine for himself and Alastor doesn’t say anything.

Alastor invites Mimzy and Rosie, his fellow music friends over for a show, even inviting Charlie to dance and sing “Your Never Fully Dressed” on stage with him. Vaggie glares in envy much Alastor’s amusement, though Charlie doesn’t notice.

To ignite Charlie’s anger and desire to see her goal to the end, Alastor causally suggests to the Eldriches to give the hotel a bad review and to harass “your familial rivals.”

 Charlie meets up with her friends to go to her mother’s Resist concert. Later on, a family feud begins between the Magnes and Eldriches. It is revealed that the Eldriches had posted bad reviews about the hotel and that Katie Killjoy helped spread the rumors about the “Hazbins.” Charlie is about to fight them, but instead tolerates them and treats them as guests like the other demons coming to the hotel. It is here that Charlie matures and tries hard to see the good in everyone…but she also learns not to trust many demons (ironically trusting Alastor more as he helps out).

 Alastor plans some more before he says “Stay tuned.”

 “Episode 5”

Alastor’s plan slowly comes into being. He decides to stay behind 1 because he hasn’t been redeemed and 2 to heed to Lucifer’s concern about the dangerous archangels. (He still only cares for himself and isn’t in love with anyone.) Charlie and her friends reach the Heavenly Gates but are judged by the army of Archangels upon arrival. Only a few rich demons have access to Heaven and they turn into humans with wings or friendly bi pedal animals. The group barely escapes with their lives until Lucifer arrives and saves them…disintegrating the angels.

Charlie cries and tells everyone what happened. She reconciles with Vaggie but Lucifer interrupts them to take Charlie aside. He loses his patience and slaps her when she summons fire around her.

Charlie’s parents had been right about it being nearly impossible to get into Heaven but Charlie refused to give in. She argues that everyone deserves a chance and bursts into tears. Lucifer said “Maybe it’s for the best” to which Charlie replies “No it’s not!” Lucifer realizes that God and the Archangels are planning to arrive in several days. God and the angels think that if “redeemed” sinners entered Heaven, they could cause chaos and be spies for those in Hell. Heaven wouldn’t be able to use their effective fear tactics of killing demons once every year to reduce the population.

He believes that if Charlie hadn’t started all this, then maybe the mess wouldn’t have occurred. One of the angels appears to Lucifer and orders him to destroy the hotel in order to not encourage redemption from sinners who “deserve to suffer and stay in their place.” Lucifer complies (much to Lilith’s and Charlie’s protests) in order for the archangels to spare him and his family. (thankfully everyone is outside and the hotel is repaired later.) Charlie swears at her parents and runs away.

Charlie sings another lament (“Rainbows Fade Away”)

Outside, Alastor comforts Charlie after she’s upset that her plan failed. Charlie adds “I bet you’re happy that you finally got to see sinners fail.” Out of spite, Charlie steals her father’s apple staff and gives it to Alastor. Alastor takes Charlie into an empty radio studio. They kiss and share a song and dance. Charlie is assured that things will turn out right in the end.

Niffty captures Vaggie and Husk captures Angel while under Alastor’s spell. By the time Vaggie and Angel break free and get away, Charlie is nowhere to be seen. Niffty and Husk turn back to normal and apologize to them, explaining how they had made deals with Alastor in exchange for easier lives in Hell.

Alastor sings a jolly electro swing song called “Are you Ready?” (“Are you ready to change the world, dear?)

 But then the song changes and Charlie soon realizes she’s in a trap. Alastor grins and holds up a knife…then it shows a brief flashback of a human Alastor murdering his victims in a forest. “Are You Ready” quickly turns darker. (“Are you ready to suffer and fail, my dear?”) Charlie finds herself surrounded by the shadow spirits. She tries to fight them off but Alastor lulls her to sleep and holds her prisoner in his interdimensional lair. When Alastor sees Charlie crying and saying “I trusted you!” he feels an odd feeling of guilt for his betrayal. He later holds her a spear-point in front of Lucifer and Lilith. Lucifer threatens to blast him to bits but Alastor offers to make a deal. The deal was: Charlie’s life and safety in exchange for the throne. Alastor orders both her parents to shake on it. Lilith does first and her dark power flows to Alastor. Lucifer engages in battle with Alastor but stops when a powerless Lilith is being choked by black tendrils.

Charlie rescues her mother and escorts her to a safe place. Alastor defeats Lucifer, takes his dark energy and soon takes over Hell.

 God and the angels noticed Lucifer’s actions and would later send more Archangels down to cleanse one-fourth of the population, a larger number than before. The demons declare war. The overlords briefly work together to slow down the Archangels, Michael, Gabriel etc.

Alastor briefly enjoys slaughtering demons and angels to his heart’s content. (Alastor’s shadow had wanted this all along…for Alastor to release the dark shadow spirits and voodoo imps to consume the souls of demons and roam as they please. Alastor, the whole time, had let himself been manipulated by his shadow self.)

Alastor says “Stay tuned.”

 “Episode 6”

Alastor later shows a change of heart when he notices Charlie and her friends struggling to fight the angels and overlords. He realizes that if he continues to be consumed by bloodlust and restlessness, than he will never see his mother and lose his only friendships with Charlie and her friends. He fights off his evil shadow and redeems himself…but his staff breaks, restoring power/souls to Niffty, Husk, and Charlie’s parents and making him powerless.

 Charlie later frees Niffty and Husk and Alastor helped (once he fought off the evil influence of his wendigo shadow). Alastor defeats his shadow but his microphone staff breaks…leaving him powerless.

 The final battle between Heaven and Hell. Lucifer and Lilith fight Michael and the other archangels. Lucifer has a change of heart and vows to help Charlie, once he realizes that sinners can be redeemed if the rules are changed. Those who die twice get sent to the void.

Alastor says “Stay tuned.”

 “Episode 7: That’s a Wrap!”

In the end, Charlie and Vaggie go to Heaven and get married. Charlie becomes a mediator between the two worlds, having black angel wings and helping with redeeming sinners. Vaggie watches over people who get reincarnated back on Earth or helps them prepare for the void. Angel turns human-like and goes by Anthony, his human name, though he still enjoys Angel Dust. Vaggie discovers her human name; Vagatha and she turns into her Hispanic human self with dark wings. Husk discovers his human name: Hustle (for now) and turns cat-like with friendlier features. Alastor gets redeemed and turns into a light-blue suit wearing man with a light brown deer face, (with human hands) who reunites with his mother in Heaven after more than 100 years. Husk/Hustle finds new love in Heaven and Anthony/Angel, Molly, become role models to kids in Heaven. Lucifer and Lilith stay behind to rule Hell, their powers restored, but Charlie can visit both worlds. God agrees to let more people into Heaven after they proven themselves through various tests in the other Circles of Hell. The purges finally come to an end…a truce.

Alastor says with a laugh, “That’s All Folks…Or Is it?”

 Note: This is if no one dies and everyone lives happily ever after. Who will actually survive, both in the show and in the unofficial episodes?

 (Niffty was actually evil but that’s another story).

Charlie finishes with a final song (“At the End of the Rainbow”)

 Bonus Backstory Episodes!

Angel (“Deviance, Drugs, and Determination”)

Alastor (“Murder On The Air”)

Husk (“The Game of Life”)

Vaggie (“Salvadorian Fighter”)

Niffty (“Hyperactive Romantic”)

  Episode 1 (OST) (18 tracks)

“I’m Always Chasing Rainbows” (song)

“Spider Provider”

“Fifty Shades of Egg”

“Please Don’t Sing”

“Professional Bitch”

“Charlie’s Monologue”

“Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow” (song)

“We Have a Gay Spider”

“One Little Brawl”

“In the Arms of an Angel”

“Hey Mom”

“The World is a Stage”

“The Radio Demon”

“A Real Surreal Deal”

“This Little Darling is Niffty”

“This Little Darling is Husk”

“Alastor’s Reprise” (song)

“Sir Pentious Fucking Dies”

Episode 2 (UOST)

“Who Wants Some Jambalaya?”

“Things Can Go Well In Hell” (song)

“A Snake Returns”

“Evil Scientist”

“Science and Solitude” (song)

“I’m Ssso Evil!” (song)

“Life at the Hazbin Hotel”

“I’m Gonna Kill Them” (song)

“You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile” (song)

“Embrace Your Punishment”

“Familial Addicts”

“Sinister Spider Senses”

“Fuck My Life…Dust Myself Off” (song)

“Turf War Take Two”

“666 News”

“The King Arrives”

“Rich Eldritch Bitches”

“Royal Problems Are Shit” (song)

“Lucifer’s Fall”

“I Have To Try”

“Shadow Spies”

              Episode 3 (UOST)

“Molly”

“Angel In Distress”

“Deadly Weapon”

“Crymini”

“Porn Studios”

“The Three Vs”

“Vile Victory Villains” (song)

“TV Time”

“A.I. Angel Attacks!”

“Washing the Brainwashing”

“Brawl of Two Overlords”

“Take a Gamble”

“Happy Valentino’s Day”

“Calvary of Kings”

“Lucifer’s Warning”

“There’s Good Inside You” (song)

“All News Is Bad News”

“Redemption and Rainbows” (song)

“More than a Husk”

“They’ll be Heaven-bound!”

“Two Unfortunate Souls”

“Conflicted”

“A World of Entertainment”

          Episode 4 (UOST)

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel” (song)

“Hazbin Hotel”

“You’ll die of fun!”

“Clash of Authority”

“Hounds of Hell”

“Radios, Husk, and Angel Dust”

“Housekeeping!”

“I’ll Hold The Wine”

“You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile!” (song)

“Seeds of Doubt”

“What next?”

“Resist” (song by Lilith)

“Hell Band”

“A Real Killjoy”

“Rumor Has It”

“There’s Some Sunshine In Everyone”

“Foreshadowing in the Shadows”

Episode 5 (UOST)

“Strip For a Tip”

“Over The Rainbow” (song)

“Preparation For Paradise”

“No Sinners Allowed”

“Angels of Death”

“I…Failed?”

“Parental Problems”

“Everyone Deserves A Chance!”

“Broken Dream”

“Rainbows Fade Away” (song)

“Apple Of My Eye”

“You’re Not Going Anywhere”

“Appeal For Deals”

“Are you Ready?” (song)

“Creole Lullaby” (song)

“I Trusted You!”

“Do We Have A Deal?”

“Vengeance Is Best Served Burning”

“This Means War”

“Your Darkest Thoughts”

 Episode 6 (UOST)

“Alastor’s Choice”

“Souls Are Freed”

“Part of Him Is Gone”

“Final Battle”

 Episode 7 (UOST)

“At The End Of The Rainbow”

[donna-medusa-gorgon]

Hazbin Hotel Review

THIS SHOW TOOK OVER MY FUCKING LIFE

IM GOING TO FUCKING DECK LUCIFER WATCH ME

....who’s that really cute clown demon. I must know her name

MY WIFE!! SHE APPEARED!!

Oh hey I remember that one scene!

God I love Angel Dust, he might be my fav character

I love Charlie so fucking much. She’s so nervous yet so happy and I want good things for her. And I really love her and Vaggie together. I think they do complete each other well

Vaggie trying so hard to contain Charlie’s singing. Oh honey....

Oh shit, here’s the bitch, Katie Killjoy

“I dOnT tOuCh ThE gAaAaAyS”

She also proceeds to poke her in the boob and her nose

Quick intermission-I fucking love how much this has upgraded and change! The colors! The little noises! It seems that even a few demons got an upgrade!

Im really liking Katie as a villain, she’s such a bitch it fits her so well!

Me, headbanging: INSIDE EVERY DEMON IS A RAAINBOOOOW

I’m getting major second hand embarrassment at this point tho and I keep pausing it

Oh look the servants of my wife!

How many people did Charlie indirectly kill in that song? Doesn’t matter it can’t be worse than anyone we-MIMZY

Charlie I will forever love you I hope you know this

Low key love that background Dia De Los Muertos demon

Goddammit Angel you had one job

B I T C H

Me: Gasp! Charlie! Watch your fucking mouth

Oh Katie is a spider kinda! Thats cool

Oh I love Cherri.

“OH! Harder daddy~”

“SON??”

“Would that make your hat the top and you the bottom?!”

This is it. This is how I die from laughter

IM SORRY WAS THERE A FUCKING AIRHORN IN THE BACKGROUND?!

BEAT HER ASS CHARLIE

Why is Tom on fire-Nevermind I don’t want to know

Cherri and Angel Dust are my favorite duo

What kind of fucking limo was that?!

Vaggie cursing in Spanish is everything

I’m already signing adoption papers for Charlie

“I, I think dad was right about me” SQUARE THE F U C K UP LUCIFER

OH LAWD HE COMIN

H E S H E R E

Don’t let him in!

Let him in!

I forgot how much I missed Alastor’s voice! I loved the old timey radio feel to it!

I LOVE THAT EXTRA GLTICHING THEY ADDED TO THAT SCENE!!

“Say What now?” Goddammit Charlie you couldn’t be more wonderful

I knew his microphone was alive! I love that!

“Why does anyone do anything? Sheer absolute boredom!” That’s a mood

But I do feel as if he has alternative motives. He does however seem to be working outside of Lucifer and those other big bads, so what exactly DOES Alastor want?

Lmao he just wants to finish his damn speeches

Yeah he totally has alternative motives

Damn Alastor you don’t have to call out every demon in Hell (excluding Charlie of course)

Story time!

“He looks like a strawberry pimp!”

Okay I’m going to need a poster of every poster in the backgroundor the hotel, they are so detailed and beautiful I want them all

DEFINITELY HAS ALTERNATIVE MOTIVES

Damn he’s good tho

Charlie’s good too

...I’m bisexual as fuck

“You’re sketchy as fuck” I love that line

“I can suck your dick” RADIO SCREECH “ha! No.” I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW

NIFTY I GIVE YOU MY HEART AND SOUL

“You think I’m some kind of fucking clown” “Maybe!”

ITS TOO MUCH!! THIS SHOW IS TOO GOOD!!

“You think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze! Well you can!”

T O O G O O D ! ! !

There’s too much! It’s too good!

That is legit terrifying Charlie. Use it more often

MUSICAL NUMBER ALASTOR!!! MUSICAL NUMBER ALASTOR!!!

HE NEVER GETS TO FINISH WHAT HES SAYING

Please let that be a running gag

NIFTY

“Do I know you” dayum

“I’M SO EVIL!!”

....where does that GO?!

Don’t interrupt Alastor

I can’t believe Alastor is the cook of the hotel

Angel flirting with Husk...I totally ship it

“Stay tuned” as if I have anything better to do

So, no where?

Final thoughts

This was well worth the wait! I loved every minute of this show and I can’t wait for more! Thank you so much Viv for this show! And happy birthday!!

[kylendooleydesigns]

Hazbin Hotel and My Thoughts on Feminism

This review is in no way aimed at any one specific group or ideology. These are mere opinions that people can choose to agree or not agree with. I am no way trying to sway the minds of anyone who chooses to read this review, people have their own opinions and have the right to express them. Thank you.

First, let me begin with my thoughts on the "modern feminist", I'll get to what I mean by that in a moment. For now, let's start with what the definition of feminism is; Merriam-Webster defines feminism as the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes and the organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests.

Now, with that said, I'd for everyone to pay attention to the word "equality". Feminism's roots can be traced all the way back to Plato and his classic Republic, where he advocated that women had the "natural capacities" that were equal to that of men for governing and defending Ancient Greece. (Olson, John, History.com) Ever since Plato's advocation for women's equal standing to men, women have been protesting and fighting for their rights to stand at the same political and economic point as their male counterparts. It wasn't until the late 18th and early 19th centuries when women were finally given their right to vote, New Zealand being the first sovereign state to give these rights to their women. After this revolutionary change, women joined in the war efforts of WWII, the Civil Rights movements, and began the Equal Pay Act of 1963, which still continues to this day.

Now, while I admit that the idea that the Equal Pay Act was created in 1963 and we are still dealing with the unfair distribution of pay between men and women, I'd like to bring up a personal point. My mother, who was born in 1963 mind you, has been working since her teenage years. She joined the military, got married, had a kid, divorced, remarried, and had another kid after her time in the military had come to an end, she fighting in the Gulf War before then. With only a military background and no college degree, my mom continued and still continues to work for the government through checking military helicopters for cracks to keep them from falling apart from atmospheric pressure. She's worked like this for over thirty years, seeing people come and go, men getting laid off or getting paid more than her fellow female co-workers. With that said, my mom actually gets paid more than most the men she works with, not only because she's the only one at her workplace who has the qualifications to do her line of work, but because she rarely ever takes time off. In fact, while she was pregnant with me, my mom refused to take maternity leave and went on working in this hazardous workplace despite the many objections of her male co-workers all the way up to my birth, my dad having to travel back and forth to see both my mom and me while he got our current house ready, meaning he wasn't always there to take care of her.

Years later, a female co-worker of hers got pregnant, took her maternity leave and when she got back, she found out a male co-worker had gotten paid more than her since her time away. She of course went off on her supervisor, but here's the thing: because she had taken her maternity leave and was unable to work, her male co-worker had to basically take on a double-shift and do the work she was in charge of, thus receiving pay for doing so.

Growing up in an environment with a mother who was a strong, independent woman after her divorce with a daughter and having to fight in an actual war that may or may not have lead to her sleep apnea and a dad who supported my mom from a different state while she was pregnant, I never saw there being that big an issue with the equality of men and women.

Now, I will say the unequal pay issue does get under my skin; however, the thing about equal pay and equal rights, is that women have to put in as much work and as much effort in their workplace as their male co-workers. Like I said, my mom worked while she was pregnant, thus getting the pay she deserved for the work she put in and her female co-worker who took  her maternity leave and got mad for the work she didn't do went to her male co-worker. I can only imagine how she'd feel about it if the co-worker was a fellow woman.

This brings up my issue with the modern day feminist. Back in the day during the early growth of feminism, the issue was about equality. Now a days, it seems that "equality" is being replaced by "superiority". Here's an example of what I mean, I have more guy friends than girl friends, and most my guy friends are huge gentlemen, always wanting to support and keep us women's spirits up, meaning they enjoy paying for their food and opening doors for them. One such friend was sweet enough to open a door for a complete stranger who happened to be an older woman. Instead of thanking him for his kindness, with no real care that she was a woman, she went off on him and told him that just because she was a woman didn't mean he had the right to treat her like some delicate flower. He was, rightfully so, very confused and a tad hurt. I, Original Fox, a woman, upon hearing this story, called her a "bitch". Here's the thing ladies, people who are nice and do things out of the kindness of their hearts do it because their cool people, they're not doing it to make fun of our physical differences.

With that said, my conclusion to the feminist movement is that I believe in equality, equality meaning we are all treated, act, and do things as equal beings, not one being above the other. I don't care who you are, what you identify by, what your background is, how you handle a situation as a person, or what issues you're dealing with, if you put in the time, effort, strengths, and fight to do what you think you deserve without blaming a certain group: men, women, religion, politics, whatever, I'm rooting for you. Don't listen to the racists, sexists, and closed minded people who want to bring your personal views down and prove to them without putting yourself at the top of the advocate pillar and saying you deserve better without even proving it.

Now, on with the review of Hazbin Hotel.

For those who don't know, Hazbin Hotel is a pilot two years in the making created by YouTube Animator Vivziepop or Vivienne Medrano, who is best known for her Die Young music video by Kesha using her Zoophobia werewolf character Jay Jay. The story centers around Charlie Magne, the princess of Hell, and her hopes to open a hotel for rehabilitating demons and sinners. This plan contrasts with that of the yearly "cleansing" where non-angelic looking angels come and slaughter the inhabitants of Hell to make room for more sinners. Wanting to find a less violent way of hindering this overpopulation, Charlie, along with her manager/girlfriend, Vaggie, and their first client, porn star, Angel Dust, must prove their cause will work in order to keep the Happy Hotel running.

When I heard of this, I was excited and had high hopes. I had been a fan of Vivziepop's work for a long while, enjoying her animations and loving her now on hiatus, Zoophobia webcomic, and when I heard a project she had a huge passion for was going to air a pilot with the help a whole production team, voice actors, and some genuine talent, I was at the edge of my seat and had anticipated the pilot being aired. Does it live up to all the hype? Let's find out!

Well, off the bat, I wasn't all too crazy about the opening. I had been, admittedly, overly excited for the pilot and was expecting something... Different. The opening is your basic musical opening where the main character sings while images of what the world is like moves about around them, which wouldn't be so bad, if the musical number was original. The opening song "I'm Always Chasing Rainbows" was written by Joseph McCarthy and was first performed by Dolly Sisters in the musical Oh, Look! When I found this out, I was a little disappointed. I was probably expecting way too much from this pilot, but at the very least, I was expecting a more original musical number written by the team Vivziepop worked with in bringing this pilot to life. But that's probably just a nit-pick on my part, like I said, I was expecting a little too much from these people.

After the opening, we're immediately introduced to everyone's favorite, slutty spider, Angel Dust and his sassy attitude toward people who want to slut shame him. What follows is what I can only describe as being a story on crack. Everything is shown to us super fast with little time to breathe and explore the setting we are in, which I can understand with Sir Pentious and maybe Cherri Bomb, but with just getting out of the musical number of Charlie singing about how her world isn't the way she wants it to be and being introduced to Angel through a "don't slut shame, because it's their body and no one else's", it just seems like everything happens way to fast and everything is thrown at us without really letting us appreciate what we're looking at, the news scene being no better as they zip through the report of the fight going on and the introduction of Charlie and her "passion project". Again, that may be a little nit-picky as I did have higher expectations.

It's here that I also would have liked to know what the two little demons that help Charlie with her second musical number were and what role they play in her life. I mean, they must be either her mom or dad's henchmen or "help" wherever Charlie's used to live, but I would have preferred they played a bigger role than just singing and playing their instruments.

The third issue I have at this point is the use of sound effects. Again, a little nit-picky, BUT, I feel the use of sound effects with every movement and moment a character is on screen is a little too much. It doesn't help that the soundtrack never shuts up. Music or a sound is always playing, never allowing for us to take in what the character is saying on a more complex or understanding level. The only parts that are quiet are the limo scene and the Charlie calling her mom scene, which are honestly two of my three favorite parts because we get to see and meet these characters, understanding them and their personalities, as well the relationships they have with each other. Except maybe Charlie and Vaggie's, but I'll get to that later.

I enjoy the relationship Charlie does have with Katie Killjoy (in fact I enjoy Katie's relationship with Tom as well), the only critique I have here is Katie's "I don't touch the gays. I have standards." This just seems to be an add-on to make us despise Katie as a character, because of her views on the gay community, basically saying homophobia is a bad trait of a person and makes a character more of a villain, which I've known homophobes. They're not evil, they've just been raised in an environment where being gay isn't the norm and, in a strict background, "the gays" is a mental illness that can be easily taken care of through the proper therapy. As for Katie's "standards", again, this doesn't mean she's a terrible character. In fact, look at it like this, it's an adult cartoon and the jokes are meant to make you laugh, not judge a certain group in a cold and harsh way.

However, Charlie's relationship with the people of Hell as their princess and heir to the throne, I find a little off pudding. I'm sure there's some kind of hidden meaning to how the royal family is treated as celebrities over that of rulers of a certain area, but for now, I'm just gonna nit-pick a little more. My opinion on princesses in the media is at a bit of an all time low. Ever since the birth of the Disney Princess Trope, the views of a princess in any form in the media has been to hate being a princess, sing about how much it sucks to be a princess, remain princess when it's obvious they're no longer a princess and should take the title of Queen. Charlie is sadly part of this trope, the only good part of this being that no one but her girlfriend takes pity on her. What I mean by this is that Charlie shows signs that her father has high expectations of her becoming the heir to Hell and taking rule in his place as the future queen, making her status something to sing about how much that sucks, of course her dreams contrast with that of her father's expectations, like most Disney Princesses. That being said, I'm not exactly sure I see the purpose of her being the princess of Hell when no one treats her as one nor do they seem to care that Lucifer is her father, other than to make her relationship with her father strained, which isn't bad don't get me wrong, but there are other ways to work that subplot in without adding the title of princess to her name.

After the whole fight scene, we get the scene where Vaggie goes off on Angel for making the hotel look like a joke. This coincides with my issue with the whole feminist aspect and her and Charlie's relationship, so I'll get to that later. But I like this part because of the quiet moment we get, so there we go for whatever that was.

When the trio gets home, I do like how we see a subtle hint to the fact that Angel does want to reform and go to Heaven and escape his abusive sugar daddy by how he makes a crack at the lack of food to feed all of the non-existent souls and immediately feels bad. Of course, you can't force change on someone in the blink of an eye, so I give him a pat on the shoulder for not knowing how to apologize for his assholiness.

This then leads us to the calling mom scene where we see Charlie struggling to prove her father wrong and asking her mom for advice for feeling this way. From what I can assume either her folks are divorced, her father is dead and Lilith is in charge of Hell, or Lucifer left that part of his family to marry Narissa from Zoophobia and had Damian. I mean in the opening we see a shadow of Lucifer taking the shape of Zoophobia's version of the Devil, so that's my fan theory and I'm sticking to it! And before people say that's impossible, if that's the case, then Charlies is no longer the heir to the throne, but here's my response to that: Charlie was born first and is the daughter of Lilith, who I'm not gonna get into, because this isn't part of the review, therefore making her take the throne before Damian by political standards. Anyway, this scene was fine, I wish there was more info on exactly what her relationship is with both her parents, seeing as they never make a real appearance in the pilot to show their personalities, but I'd also like it if there was a main character whose relationship with their parents isn't severed because of the character's dreams, a strict family, or dead.

And then HE comes into the picture. THE one character I lost my mind over. Alastor, the Radio Demon!!! I LOVE this character! While I'm sure most fans find Angel to be their favorite character and don't get me wrong Angel is awesome, Alastor is what has me hooked to the show. To compare him to Charlie, Vaggie, or Angel, Alastor, in my opinion, is an optimistic pessimist, something I find myself as being on a daily basis as I too find good entertainment in the destruction of others as they fall into the fiery pits of failure. Not only that, but each moment he's on screen there's this mysterious vibe about him with his permanent smile and his end goal in helping Charlie, something I find rather attractive of my demon... I mean... Men. His interactions with the other characters is fun, he's got a classy excitement to him, wanting to provide and receive entertainment in the most morbid and old times of places. His version of "Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow" is a hilarious change to Charlie's cheery, uplifting view of her people, his version being a look at the souls in Hell as lost causes, their punishments being eternal, there being no escape except for the life they've lived before and the agony they have to face now is bliss. His take down of Sir Pentious was like a huge "bitch please" which was absolutely wonderful, from his power to his facial expression in the end.

With that said, is this pilot flawless...? No, absolutely not, far from it. There's some things, like the soundtrack, the opening song, and the sound effects I'd think about doubling down on and allow us to take in the world we're being introduced in to. If someone came into this show completely blind, they'd probably be a tad confused as to what's happening and why. Fans already know Charlie is an overly optimistic demon spawn, Vaggie is a pessimistic feminist with no care for men, Angel Dust is a cross-dressing spider who enjoys being the "bad boy", and Alastor is a deer with a need for endless entertainment. People who don't know VivziePop and her work, won't know/care much about these characters going straight in and will most likely like to explore the world and its why.

And now, the coup-de-gras: my one issue with this pilot and what it seems to be shoving down pessimistic people like me's throat. Women rule and straight men suck. Do NOT quote me on this. I do not know Vivienne or the people she worked with to make this pilot. This is MY opinion after having watching the pilot, listening, reading, and following the creation of this show from the beginning. They can correct me on this in future episodes or deeper dives in to characters and development.

So, off the bat, we're introduced to a male gay character who dresses like a woman and is slut shamed by everyone except his friends who have similar views as he does. In my opinion, this doesn't work for me. I get wanting to "represent the minority"; however, the depiction of straight, heterosexual characters slut shaming or having sexual encounter/feelings toward said character with cruel intentions to bring someone down isn't something I see as a good representation. Granted, there are several people out there who will make a person feel like shit for having views that do not conform to what society deems as normal, but in today's world, where media and the children of today are exposed to these views, the "minority" becomes the majority. I get it, life sucks, oh darn, well then fight for equality, don't fight to make straight cisgender community seen as the closed minded community that doesn't give a damn. There are plenty of cisgender heterosexuals who support the LGBTQ+ community and have no problem with anyone who doesn't fit the old views of the world. It just seems, from what I've experienced, that if you're a straight, cisgender human being that has no real tie to the Pride Movement, you're a homophobic monster who takes the side of all the haters. That's not true, we just aren't playing for the same teams nor do we believe we were born in the wrong body.

Next is Charlie and Vaggie's relationship. Don't get me wrong, having a gay lead is no skin off my nose, if anything, I don't give a damn what their attracted to. If their a good character and have good development and don't let their sexual identity get in the way of their goals, I'm good. But when it comes to Vaggie and Charlie, there's just something I personally find "off". For one, VivziePop actually brought this up in a Tumblr post in response to another about how they didn't like the idea of Charlie and Vaggie being a canon couple because it'd just be another way of representing the gay community through the media's abuse of showing how open minded they are, to this VivziePop revealed that Vaggie and Charlie are indeed a couple, but she'd rather not focus on their relationship and instead focus on the story. But upon the pilot's release, their relationship is already put a slight focus on from Katie's "I don't touch the gays" afterwards touching Charlie who Vivzie revealed may be a Bisexual characters having dating a male character in the past and to the overly cutesy peppy girl and her overly protective, pessimistic girlfriend. I honestly don't care about whatever relationship these two have, so long as it doesn't effect the plot in a negative way, one example being that they fight, break up, and get back together through some TV show bullshit that has little to do with the rest of the show's running. This show is about getting demons into Heaven, it's not an after school soap opera.

This brings me to Vaggie's character as a whole and to her views affecting that of the central tone of the show itself. Vaggie is clearly a feminist, this being brought up when Angel reminds her that she doesn't seem to trust any man, any men... Men. She punches a guy who calls her girl a bitch, gets angry at Angel only when Charlie screwed up too by both singing and getting in a fight with Katie when Vaggie specifically told her not to sing as what they were doing was serious, refuses to trust Alastor without allowing him a second chance, something she is helping Charlie to achieve and support despite Charlie herself being open to helping Alastor understand where she's coming from, and calls the hotel a "man cave" just because Husk gets a bar in order to keep him working at the hotel. I get it, alcohol is somehow a sin to the hotel, most likely because it can lead to drunkenness or sloth and gluttony, but that doesn't make it a brothel or a man cave. In fact, she doesn't seem to argue having Nifty, a female character as part of the staff as she just zips around cleaning, but here's the thing about Nifty: it's clear she's straight and how they portray how straight she is contrasts with the other female main characters. Nifty is boy crazy and a clean freak, being confused as to why the hotel is such a dump when everyone living there is ladies, not knowing Angel on a personal level yet and wonders where all the men are. This to me, is a stereotypical straight cisgender female: wanting to clean, make new friends, and meet some men. Being a cisgender, straight, female myself, I can tell you, that's not who I and I hope some other girls are. I've never been much of a clean freak or boy crazy, in fact I'm a bit of a slob and don't really give two shits about men; I've honestly got more important things to concern myself with than over getting a boyfriend. Nifty is a fun character and I enjoy her place in the show, but I would have liked it if Vaggie immediately wanted her out of the hotel as she did with Husk and Alastor, showing some God damned equality as a feminist and if Nifty was a little less concerned about gender roles and having men around. Depicting feminism is fine in media, but don't go overboard with it. Make some straight, cisgender males actually great people who support the ideals of women and don't want to see them fail, show the equality we as women fought so hard to achieve, by making the roles of men and women equal, not one gender being better than the other morally. Alastor is a great character, but he did slap Vaggie's ass, which was unneeded, but I'll admit I found that hilarious. I can only hope Alastor is only fucking with Vaggie and her views on men and turns to a pretty awesome guy who, while not believing in her cause, supports Charlie anyway he can.

All in all, I loved this pilot and see great things coming its way, I just think things could be tweaked and lessened down to be less of a huge middle finger to certain groups of people and less of an Ed, Edd, and Eddy soundtrack of unnecessary sound effects. I'd recommend this pilot to anyone with a passion for animation and wanting to put something you've worked years for to give them that jolt of ambition. If you're bothered by too many loud moments, less quiet moments, too many jabs at the heterosexual cisgender community, and lots and lots of sex jokes, this probably isn't for you. Check it out on YouTube and give it a try.

P.S. to those of the religious community, me being part of it, if the version of this Hell is off pudding and isn't how it should be depicted in comparison to that of the biblical version and it offends you, I suggest either ignoring the pilot completely and its growth, or you can see the horrifying reality behind it... It's... An... Adult... Cartoon!!! *collective gasps* for more information please check Family Guy, South Park, and, I know I'm dating myself here, but literally every episode of the Simpsons ever.

I hope I didn't offend anyone with this rant/review. These are just my personal views and should be taken with a grain of salt.

Eat chocolate.

Imma take a nap!

[joyofcrime-elinorhigh]

Frosty Returns REVIEW:

Hello there, everybody. My name is JoyofCrimeArt and welcome to the second review in my month long "Deviant-cember" special event. Christmas time is right around the corner and I don't know about you, but I'm loving it. Christmas is awesome! (No offence to any non Christian or non practicing readers out there. I'm sure your holidays are awesome to, I guess have no personal experience in that department.) The music, the decorations, the food, and the festive feeling of kindness towards your fellow man are all things that make this time of year so wonderful! But one of my favorite parts of the Christmas season is all of the Christmas specials. I love Christmas specials. Every year I make it my personal mission to watch as many as I can, from classics like "Rudolph" and "Charlie Brown", to the more contemporary specials like "Olive the Other Reindeer" and "Yes, Virginia." And that's not even counting the really frickin' out there Christmas specials, like "T.I and Tiny's Holiday Hustle." an animated special about hip hop artist T.I. and his family having to team up with an elf in order to save Christmas. Yes, this exist! But that's a review for another day... 

(THIS EXISTS!)  Today, I want to talk about a different holiday special. A holiday special that features significantly less hip hop and also significantly less holiday. That special would be the 1992 animated tv special "Frosty Returns."

"Frosty Returns" is the a um....sequel?.....Reboot?.....Cash grab? -Of the original Rankin-Bass Frosty special from 1969. This special, however, was not created by Rankin-Bass, but rather Broadway Video's and directed by Bill Melendez. Bill Melendez is most well known for his work on the four theatrical Charlie Brown movies, and this special shares a similar art style to those old Peanuts cartoons.  I'm going to be honest here, while I do like the original Frosty the Snowman special, it was always one of the lesser Rankin-Bass holiday specials in my opinion. Like it's not bad or anything, and I use to like it a lot more when I was younger, but it just seems kinda bland compared to some of the other specials. In the original special Frosty was never a super interesting character, and Karen had even less personality then Frosty. The overall story, at least in my opinion, was never super enticing. I guess I've just always been more of a "Santa Claus is comin' to Town." type of guy. Now I don't hate the special by any means, I watch it ever year, and there are stuff in it worth watching. Professor Hinkle is a fun villain, the scene with Frosty melting is genuinely sad, and it's really fun seeing the original crew just go completely bonkers with the sound effects. (Though that part I don't think was intentional.) Sorry if I piss off any die hard Frosty fans out there, (I'm looking at you, little brother!) but I just felt like I needed to show my background with the original Frosty the Snowman special before I start talking about this special. Does this special hold up to the original, or is it just a pale imitation of a true holiday classic? Let's find out together, shall we.  The special begins with our weird uncanny valley narrator. A weird uncanny valley narrator is a Frosty the Snowman tradition at this point, and is usually some kind of celebrity who was popular at the time of the specials release. The original Frosty has Jimmy Durante, "Frosty's Winter Wonderland" had Andy Griffith, and this special has Johnathan Winters. Just like director of the Amazing Spider-man films Marc Webb, I'm pretty sure he was only chosen because of his name. Now while all of the Frosty narrator's (with exception of the one from "Legends of Frosty the Snowman.") have fallen into the uncanny valley, the narrator in this special takes the fricking cake! While the other narrators looks a least a little human, Johnathan Winter's in this special looks like an actual gremlin! He's only a few inches tall, and floats around on snowflakes like some kinda sprite. And there's no explanation at all for his existence. He just happens to be like this and where suppose to just nod our heads and go along with it! Also he likes hot coco. This is very important.

Anyway he introduces us to the town of Beansboro, a small town that has just gotten covered with seven inches of snow. We get a brief musical number where all the kids sing about how much the love the snow, and all the adults sing about how much they hate it. The kids love the snow because of all of the fun they get to have in it, while the adults don't like the snow because they have to shovel it, it raises heating bills, makes it harder to drive around, ect. The song is rather good, and but we'll get into this specials music a bit later. After the song is finished we meet our main character Holly DeCarlo and her best friend, Charles. Holly is a shy girl who dreams of becoming a magician, while Charles is a the stereotypical nerd archetype, and kinda looks like a genderbent Marcy from the Peanuts specials. Holly is sad because she was not "invited" to go play in the snow. Now living in the south, I'm far from an expert on snow, but is snow the type of thing you need to get "invited" to? If all the tv specials I've seen has taught me anything I think you just kinda...go out there. All kidding aside though, I get it. She's sad because she has nobody asked to go play with her. I'm just saying, they phrasing is kinda strange.  Then Charles asks Holly if she wants to go outside and build a...fertility goddess? Um...as I just stated, I'm far from an expert on snow, but is that something kids do on snow days that I was just blissfully unaware of? Also Is Charles a Pagan? Not the belief system I would expect from somebody who, as the special is going to continually bring up, is a man of logic and does not believe in anything that he cannot solve with logic. Well I for one appreciate the religious diversity this special presents. Bout' time we get a Pagan character in children's media without society making a big deal about it! That's what I say!

pictured Demeter, our Holy Jolly Fertility Goddess.)  Anyway, Holly decides that instead of doing...that, she'd rather practice her magic for the magic act because Holly is going to be preforming her magic act during the annual winter carnival in front of the entire town. Holly tells Charles to get into a box and then she gets out the saw. Oh geez, I think this specials about to get a bit dark. Holly doesn't even have another box attached to the box that Charles is in. And the box isn't even closed! Holly clearly has no idea what she's doing and Charles is going to pay the ultimate price for it. This is about to become a very red Christmas.  But luckily before Charles goes off to meet Persephone, he asks Holly to open a window because it's hot inside the box. Then a giant gust of wind blows in the room and Holly loses her magic hat. And by giant gust I mean, I pretty sure there's a class five hurricane going on outside and those kids really need to get inside. I mean the wind is strong enough to spin Charles' box around at ridiculous speeds.  So then Holly decides to chase after her hat and-HEY WAIT HOLLY, WHAT ABOUT CHARLES?! You're just going to leave him spinning in that box until he vomits, just to go get your stupid hat? It's called priorities Holly, Jesus Christ!

(Bye Charles, thanks for letting me nearly saw you in half!)  Holly chases after the hat, and for one brief close up shot we see that Johnathan Winter's is riding the hat. I do not get this. What is the point? Is he guiding the hat to Frosty, or is he just riding it just cause? Holly trails behind the hat, (as it seems this wind managed to blow the hat not only out of Holly's room, but out of Holly's house somehow and down the block. Can the hat open doors?) She bumps into her school teacher, and the teacher talks about how much she hates the snow. There's not much to this scene other then driving the point home that the adults hate snow. After that scene Holly finds the hat it's on the head of a snowman, who just happens to be alive. This is Frosty, this time played by John Goodman, who honestly I really like in this role. He has a very kind and welcoming voice, and it's a lot less "bumbling" sounding then the other Frosty voice actors. Not that I'm trying to knock those voice actors or anything, I'm just saying.  Holly tries to introduce herself to Frosty, but Frosty already knows who she is because in Frosty's own words she's a "famous" magician. While yes, this doesn't actually make any sense as an answer I actually really like this scene. Frosty in this special is a lot wiser then he was in the previous Frosty specials, and that's something I really like. Like for example, Holly mentions that she doesn't have any friends other then Charles, and Frosty tells her "Having one friend is a lot more than having no friends." It's a really nice sentiment and a good message for the kids, and to anybody really.  Holly's mom walks in and Frosty goes all Toy Story and stops talking or moving because...Well look, if "Toy Story didn't have to explain it then why should this special have to? Oh, there's also a funny joke where Holly's mom calls Holly out for abandoning Charles, saying that he's going to end up "needing to join a support group." Holly's mom talks about how she just bought this brand new product called "Summer Wheeze." the least marketable name for the product ever devised. This product is like a can of aerosol spray that can make snow disappear in seconds! Holly's mom's friend shows up and they start talking like there in an infomercial for the spray. Holly's mom's friend ends up spraying Frosty a bit, causing him to yell. And conveniently nobody seems to hear or acknowledge the snowman's screams of pain.  We then transition to the board room of the company that makes Summer Wheeze, and here we meet our villain, Mr. Twitchell and his pet cat, Bones. Mr. Twitchell is a crotchety old curmudgeon played by Brian Doyle-Murray. He's best known for playing Captain K'nuckles in "The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack" and The Flying Dutchman in "Spongebob." He's also the older brother of actor Bill Murray! I know, it's crazy! He gives a great performance in this special.  Now let me lay out Mr. Twitchell's evil plan in this special. It's a pretty complex plan, so try to follow along.  Step 1) Make the town love him by getting rid of all of the snow.  Step 2) Get rid of all the snow.  Step 3) Have the town make him their King out of gratitude.  Um......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgxYUxqcg1Q

  I swear to high heaven, Mr. Twitchell makes this special. He's so over the top and ridiculous that it's near impossible not to love it. Then, when one of his employees points out the environmental concerns he has his James Bond style cat press a button that activates a trap door under that employees' desk! This villain, man, this villain! He then has his cat, Bones, release an army of trucks to spray the entire town with Summer Wheeze! Let the snowman genocide begin!

 By the way, this Summer Wheeze thing must really be a labor of love from Mr. Twitchell. I mean as far as I can tell he's releasing these cars for free. All that Wheeze there using is coming out of his bottom line, unless the town is paying him to use these trucks or something. Then again, I don't think this guy has really thinks through most of the stuff he does. I mean why would anybody buy Summer Wheeze if the company is spraying peoples yard's for free.  The next day, Holly decides to keep Frosty in her Freezer until after she comes home from school. What I want to know is what would happen if Holly's mom needed to open the freezer at any point during the day and just saw a talking snowman in there, but that's a question this special doesn't want to answer for us! Also there's a bit where she has to take some turkey out of her freezer to make room for Frosty, then she put's the turkey into her backpack in her rush to get to school on time. Then during class the teachers ask why she has turkey in her desk and she says its for lunch. The teacher tells her to put it away unless she wants to present it as a science project. Holly then, really sincerely sounding, says that she does intend to use the turkey as a science project. It's hard to explain in post form but it's a really confusing bit. Did she intend to bring the turkey or not? Was she intending to use the turkey for her science project or was that just a lie for the teacher? She didn't sound like she was lying. I don't get it. This is another question the special doesn't want to answer for us!  Charles is giving a science report about snow, and the environmental importance snow has on the world. Well, it was the nineties, so it was really a matter of time before we got some kind of environmental message. One of the kids interrupts Charles, saying that snow isn't important and his dad says that it gives you heart attacks. (Charles remarks that the kids dad may be confusing snow with chili dogs, another funny joke.) And all the kids start talking about how happy they are that all the snow is melting, so they can do more summer time stuff, like having picnics and volleyball games all year round. Charles points out how snow is important to the environment but none of the kids listen.  There are a lot of logical problems with this scene. One, why do all the kids suddenly hate the snow. I know kids can be fickle but earlier in the special the kids love the snow, and that scene took place, like, the day before this scene takes place. Second, I don't get why Charles is so concerned about the environmental aspect of the Wheeze. I mean yeah, it's an aerosol spray so in that regard it's bad for the environment, but if it's just melting the ice it shouldn't be that big a deal right? Again, I'm no snow expert, but snow melts naturally anyway, and this spray is just speeding up the process. One of the environmental benefits of snow that Charles brings up is a source of fresh water, but if the spray is melting the snow it's still making the fresh water, unless the spray itself is contaminating the water. Or unless the snow isn't melting and it's just disappearing, in which case Mr. Twitchell found a way to destroy matter itself, which I think is the much bigger deal here. This special makes a big deal about how important snow is, and while I know different parts of the world are different and have different environmental needs, there are tonnes of places all over the world where it doesn't snow and those places are fine. As long as the snow is still melting things should be fine. And again, maybe there's something in the spray that is bad for the environment, but the special really treats it like it's the absence of snow that's the problem, not the contaminated water supply. Also third, just because the snow is melting doesn't mean that it'll suddenly be a year long summer! The spray isn't actually increasing the temperature of the air! (Well, I mean it is slowly, because of the aerosol, but you'd need to spray a lot of that stuff to make a hole in the ozone layer big enough to create an endless summer.) I mean I've only seen snow twice in my life, but I've still experienced winters! (Though last year it was over eighty degrees on Christmas. That sucked.)  Anyway, Holly goes to talk to Frosty, who has left the freezer and is now staying at the winter carnival's ice castle. She tells him about how everybody wants to get rid of all the snow, and how she was to scared to speak out against them. Frosty tells her that it's okay, and gives her some advice on how to be less shy and timid....in the form of a song!  The song is actually really good, and one of the most memorable part of the special. I mean, yeah, it does continue to shoe horn in the whole "snow is the most important thing, snow is love snow is life" theme the special has been doing this whole time, and the moral of "when your to scared to talk to someone just sing" is a pretty weird lesson, but dang it the song is really darn catchy! I really feel this is underappreciated Christmas/winter song that really deserves more appreciation! At least until we get to the part where Mr. Twitchell get's his dark reprise verse, and it's basically a weird....rap....I think? That's amazing for completely different reasons!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6PnTmyYT6w

(Also this is unrelated but why does Frosty have a human nose? He says early in the special that once some kid stole his nose to play hacky sack so is it suppose to be a hacky sack? Why does it look so human-ish?)    Anyway after the song Charles meets up with Holly and Frosty. At first Charles believes that Frosty is some kind of robot, but Frosty (rather quickly I may add) convinces him that he is a real talking snowman. But then Mr. Twitchell shows up in him limousine and see's Frosty. Naturally, Mr. Twitchell is not at all phased by the talking and walking snowman, and is more concerned with Frosty spreading snow onto his sidewalks. So he does the "logical" thing and sends his pet CAT out to destroy Frosty with a can of Summer Wheeze. SURPRISINGLY this does not end up working. This is what happens when your cat is your elite henchman.  Though the cat is able to spray frosty enough to make a massive hole in his chest. Holly is concerned, because there's barely enough snow on the ground to fix Frosty....except for the fact that that isn't true, at all! There is still plenty of snow, just look around you!

 But despite the fact that there is still snow all over the place Charles decides to go get some snow that he was saying and pack it all into Frosty. Then they decide to finally do something about mean old Mr. Twitchell. Mr. Twitchell decides to attend the Winter Carnival, and melt all of the snow, cementing himself as the towns hero and future king. Sure, why not. Mr. Twitchell goes on stage so he can be crowned king of the Winter Carnival, when Holly goes on stage to call him out. She talks about how important snow is but Mr. Twitchell is unfazed and unrepentant. So Holly decides to unveil  Frosty in front of the whole town and, Hey wait a minute!

Frosty is alive without the hat! That's not allowed! Unless this takes place after "Frosty's Winter Wonderland." Is this a reboot or a sequel?! HAX! I call HAX!  So anyway, Frosty decides to sing a reprise of his song to the towns people and everybody in the town immediately decides that they love snow again. No wonder Mr. Twitchell thought he could become this towns king, this is the most easily swayed town in the world! Everybody in town rejoices at the magical talking snowman that nobody questions the existence of. Mr. Twitchell decides to get into one of his weird Summer Wheeze spraying vans and, because he's Mr. Twitchell, decides to let the cat drive. This goes about as well as you'd expect.

FRICKIN' REK'D SON!

I kid of course, Mr. Twitchell survives the crash Holly and Frosty shows him some kindness by giving him the Winter Carnival crown and taking him on a sled ride. Frosty then tells Holly that it's time for him to leave, as he wants to go to another town to help another kid. Holly hugs Frosty and wishes him goodbye and the special ends with weird Johnathan Winters/Mr. Mxyzptlk hybrid telling us that Mr. Twitchell decided to change his ways and go into the sled making business. This change of heart lasted a total of four days until, at the age of one hundred and ten, Mr. Twitchell died in his home and his body was eaten by his cat, Bones. The End.  So in conclusion, is the special good? Well that depends on your perspective. On a technical aspect the special is not very well made. The animation isn't very good, with the exception of one scene early on in the special where Johnathan Winter's is actually animated very fluidly. But other then that you can see that this special doesn't have much of a budget. There are a lot of plot points in the special that either don't make sense or only make sense because the characters are so stupid. Also, while the environmental/"snow is totes awesome" moral isn't as heavy handed as I remembered them being, there still pretty heavy handed. Also, this isn't flaw or anything, the background music has a real "Rugrats" vibe to it. I'm not knocking it, but I really wonder if that show and this special had the same music director or something.  All that being said the special isn't awful either. There's a lot of stuff to like. It has an excellent voice cast, not just in John Goodman and Brian Doyle-Murray, but also Holly's voice actress, Elisabeth Moss. She was only ten at the time this special was made, but her voice really adds a good level of sincerity to the role. Also while Holly is still a fairly generic character she's still more interesting then Karen. I don't know if the Frosty purist will agree with me on this, but that's really how I feel. Holly has an arc, she starts of timid and shy, but in the end ends up standing up to the villain head on. Also I like how Frosty is characterized. He's a lot wiser, and much more comforting. This probably has a lot to do with John Goodman's performance, but I think the writing had a bit to do with it to. This special has a really catchy song and a really hammy villain in the form of Mr. Twitchell. The other Frosty specials don't have Mr. Frickin' Twichell. So that's a plus in this specials favor.  Overall, while I'm not sure if this is an objectively better special than the original, I know I definitely enjoy it more. Sure, it's was most likely made as a cash in on the Frosty brand, but it's an enjoyable cash in! While this special probably has higher highs and lower lows that the original special, at least it's not boring. If your looking for a more well made holiday special with good animation, interesting characters, and a good holiday lesson this special is probably not for you. But if you want a weird, so bad it's good type of special that does have some legitimately good parts in it, even if the special as a whole isn't the greatest, then I highly recommend it! Check it out if you haven't seen it, and come to your own conclusion.  So that's my review of "Frosty Returns." But if you think where done with Frosty the Snowman, oh how wrong you are. Join me next Friday, as I tackle the other Frosty sequel that wasn't make by Rankin-Bass, "Legend of Frosty the Snowman." Because, to quote Notorious rapper Biggie Smalls "Mo' Frosty, Mo Problems." Have you seen Frosty Returns, and what do you think of it? I'd love to hear your opinion, even if it's completely  different from mine. I'd love to start a conversation. What's your favorite Frosty special, or just holiday special in general. If you have any suggestions for stuff for me to review in the future leave it in a comment down bellow, and I might look into it. Please fav, follow, and comment if you liked the review, and have a great day. (I do not own any of the images or videos in this review all credit goes to there original owners.)

https://www.deviantart.com/joyofcrimeart/journal/Frosty-Returns-REVIEW-651578677 DA Link

[oscar-isaacs-number-one-bitch]

The Friendly Film Fan Mini Reviews (2018)

Due to time constraints and the nature of finals week being intensely busy, I’m not able to give my full time and attention to every movie I see in theaters in terms of writing up a full-length review (though I did just write up two for Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse and Bumblebee, so go check those out). Occasionally as well, I get busy enough after seeing one that by the time I actually do have time to write a full-length review, the relevance of said review has passed with time. With this in mind, I do a set of mini-reviews each year that are more like short summaries of what I thought of each film, along with the usual score on a scale of 1 to 10. Not every movie I didn’t write a full review for this year will get one, but I’ll try to cover the ones I feel that I need to for this list. Here are The Friendly Film Fan’s mini reviews for the calendar year of 2018:

 A Simple Favor:

A Simple Favor provides a decent showcase for Blake Lively’s acting abilities with style for days, but the mystery really isn’t anything special, playing off as a sort of discount version of Gone Girl that forgot why that movie worked so well, but Anna Kendrick is cute, and at least it has some good performances amidst lackluster dialogue. Really expected more from this one. 6.4/10.

 Leave No Trace:

Please never let director Debra Granik leave us for this long again, even though the result of it is perhaps the best movie to come out about post-war veteran life in a really long time. Ben Foster puts on a great performance that’s par for the course for him at this point, but the standouts here are Thomasin McKenzie, a genuine talent that should get a lot more work after this, and a script that respects its audience just as well, if not better, than it respects its subject matter. 9.8/10.

 A Prayer Before Dawn

A terrifically performed but occasionally difficult to watch, brutally hard-hitting movie with a career best turn from Joe Cole, A Prayer Before Dawn firmly establishes A24 as not just one of, if not the, best independent movie studio working today, but also the most ambitious. It tackles things like drug addiction and gang violence while also being a uniquely inspiring coming-of-age character piece. The film being set in a Taiwanese prison without subtitles (until Cole’s character learns to speak the language that is) truly lends to the sense of the world, and the result is really quite special. 9.4/10.

 You Were Never Really Here

Lynne Ramsay’s meditation on humanity’s obsession with violence is a stunning watch, as the film actively chooses to refuse to let the audience partake in such brutal acts as depicted in a tour de force performance (perhaps a career best) from Joaquin Phoenix. The film is always focused on how badly people want to see the violence and then forces you to reflect on why you wanted to in the immediate aftermath of its happening. The editing, direction, and Phoenix’s performance all add up to a seriously impactful watch. 9.4/10.

 The Clovehitch Killer

Many people were wondering if I was going to give this movie a full review, given that both my younger sisters are in it, but given how low it flies on the radar being a VOD release simultaneous with its limited theatrical run, a full review may not have gained a lot of traction. That being said, this is a really solid example of how to do a good film on a low budget; it’s noticeable, but it doesn’t detract from the overall narrative as much as it typically would in a movie like this. The first act takes a bit to pick up some steam, but once Charlie Plummer finds a box in a barn, it’s a pretty tense ride the rest of the way. 7.2/10.

 The Kindergarten Teacher

Netflix has been picking up some pretty good stuff lately, and while I haven’t yet viewed 22 July or The Ballad of Buster Scruggs yet (still waiting for ROMA as well), this is a pretty good indicator as to how they’ll get into the awards circuit. It’s good, and Maggie Gyllenhaal is really good in it, but the protagonist is just too unlikable for me to want to keep watching. Gyllenhaal plays the part well, but it’s difficult to root for someone to kidnap a child (which is a thing that happens). 7/10.

 Ralph Breaks the Internet

No, it’s not as good as the widely beloved first film, and that’s largely because what made the first one so special was its emphasis on classic arcade style video games as a means to tell a story but not the point of the story, a self-growth tale about Ralph learning to not be insecure about his place in the broader world he occupied, and also an arc that’s immediately forgotten as this one starts. The sequel aims to mostly just show off everything Disney owns in animated form since it takes place in the internet, but much like the internet, it seems much more concerned with selling you something rather than actually making a new point, though given Disney animation’s storytelling pedigree, you still have a good bit of fun along the way. 8.2/10.

 Boy Erased

If there’s a singular film I’m more disappointed in than any other this year, it would be Joel Edgerton’s Boy Erased, an LGBT drama about the dangers of conversion therapy that doesn’t really seem to make any greater point other than “conversion therapy is bad.” Everyone in it does solid performance work, but it’s all just pretty good work where it could be great, there’s a whole rape scene that’s never really addressed by the movie except for briefly after it happens but not in context to the main character, and the whole thing is so drab and colorless right from the get-go that it feels like Edgerton doesn’t want you to feel any sense of joy even before the bad stuff happens. It’s not a bad movie, but it feels incredibly lackluster given the talent involved. 6.9/10.

 Bohemian Rhapsody

And if there were any film this year people probably should be more disappointed by, it’s this paint-by-numbers recap of the highlights of classic rock legend Freddie Mercury, with his time in the band Queen serving as the main backdrop. Rami Malek’s physical performance is too devoted and genuinely astounding to not garner him some awards attention, and the use of a Mercury sound-a-like he lip syncs over shouldn’t be held against him in terms of that, but it does make a little bit of a difference since one can tell it’s definitely not Malek’s voice in the singing parts. The re-creation of the Live Aid concert is a true work of art, but getting there is such a plain ride, it’s honestly kind of boring. In fact, there’s whole edits in the film where one of Queen’s hit songs will start being written, and then it cuts away to a concert version of it but doesn’t bother to stay in any one spot for more than a few seconds at a time, and the moment either gains momentum too quickly or loses it entirely. This film needed to be great in order to justify being more than just another fairly average Brian Singer movie, and in my view at least, it didn’t accomplish that. 6.1/10.  

 Lean on Pete

Another foray into small film territory from A24, this coming-of-age tale starring Charlie Plummer in the role that will almost certainly propel him to stardom if he’s not there already is a terrific, moving portrait of grief, hope, loss, and love so subtly rendered by the script that by the time it rips your heartstrings out at the end, you barely realize the impact of the journey you just went on and the credits are already rolling. And hey, it’s always nice to see Steve Buscemi get work that unexpectedly fits him since he’s becoming such a recognizable chameleon of an actor; we may always recognize his face, but his performances just keep getting deeper. 9.4/10.

 And those are all of my mini-reviews for the calendar year of 2018. Any you didn’t see on the list that you’d hoped to? Any verdicts you’re surprisingly elated or disappointed by? Let me know in the comments below! Thanks for reading, and keep an eye out for my next review, coming soon!

[jonathanbogart]

Wellen: German Federated Pop and New Wave

Fifth mix in my survey of European pop music in the early-to-mid 1980s. What you’ve missed if this is new to you:

Spain & Portugal | France | Italy & Greece | Northern Europe

This time around it’s Germany, and Austria and Germanic Switzerland. Here’s the tracklist, notes are below the line.

Joachim Witt, “Goldener Reiter”

Lilli Berlin, “Ostberlin—Wahnsinn”

Babsi Balou, “Hochsaison im Eissalon”

Hubert Kah, “Engel 07″

Carmen, “Es ist kalt um mich herum”

Grauzone, “Eisbär”

Trio, “Bum Bum”

Peter Schilling, “Terra Titanic”

Minisex, “Rudi, gib acht”

Spider Murphy Gang, “Wo bist du?”

Nina Hagen, “Zarah (Ich weiß, es wird einmal ein Wunder geschehn)”

Der Plan, “Gummitwist”

Cosa Rosa, “Millionenmal”

Contact, “Schwarze Madonna”

Neonbabies, “Horizonte ohne Ende”

Collage, “Mit den Puppen tanzen”

mittageisen, “Automaten”

Nena, “Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann”

Rheingold, “Via satellit”

Falco, “Junge Roemer”

Xmal Deutschland, “Feurwerk (31-Dez)”

Wellen: german federated pop and new wave

This is the fifth mix in this series, and the first time since the mix that started it all that there’s an actual scene to document. Which isn’t to suggest that new wave (and punk) didn’t affect French, Italian, and Scandinavian music of the 1980s, but that new wave in those countries didn’t cohere into a self-sustaining cultural space; rather, it fractured, either assimilating into the light entertainment traditions of those various nations, or remaining defiantly underground and rarely succumbing to such sellout moves as TV appearances or chart success.

But in Germany, as in Spain, the Neue Deutsche Welle (new German wave) saw electronic experimentation combined with punk energy (and, just as important, punk silliness) and the whole mess achieving mainstream velocity. As with the Spanish Movidas, it’s a matter of dispute how long the actual scene lasted before burning out and either being co-opted by the mainstream or transforming the mainstream enough to be indistinguishable from it. My goal with these mixes has been to skim over the initial, well-documented burst of energy which lasted from 1978 to 1981, focusing instead on the later period of assimilation (or maturation, or disintegration, as you prefer) from 1982-1986, which tends to be the province of nostalgists rather than mythmakers.

It’s worth taking stock of German music, and Germany as a whole, in the early 80s. (All the music in this mix is in German, with occasional mid-song interruptions in other languages, but four songs are from Austria and two from Switzerland, both of whom remained neutral in the Cold War; the majority are from West Germany. East Germany had its own scene, and will be heard from in a subsequent mix.) Unlike Britain, Spain, or France, Germany was not a unified nation-state which dated back to the late Middle Ages; only since the mid-19th century had (some of) the modern German-speaking peoples been united into a single nation. When the Allies divided Germany again during the Cold War, leaving the traditional seat of power, Berlin, stranded in the East, with the tiny island of West Berlin surrounded by Communist red on every map, West Germany was necessarily decentralized: Hamburg, Düsseldorf, Hanover, Munich, and Stuttgart were among the many cities which took the industrial and cultural initiative without waiting for any central policy. The resulting Wirtschaftswunder, or economic miracle, of the 1950s and 60s, in which a bombed-out West Germany came roaring back to life thanks to judicious economic policies and heavy investment laid the stage for the social upheavals which swept Western Europe in the late 60s. Germany, as music nerds know, was an epicenter for radical, experimental and progressive cultural movements from Stockhausen to kosmische: in a sense, the Neue Deutsche Welle was merely transplanting the radical experiments of the previous decade into the pop sphere.

And it was so much in the pop sphere that some of it even crossed the Atlantic — this may be the mix heaviest on names the average US listener who knows a bit about 80s pop will recognize. Trio (“Da Da Da”), Nena (“99 Luftballons”), Falco (“Amadeus”), Peter Schilling (“Major Tom”), and perhaps Nina Hagen (“Smack Jack”) and Hubert Kah (“Angel 07”) are all more or less recognizable names in the Anglosphere, if unfairly tagged with one-hit wonder status here. (Why German, and not say French or Italian, pop music found a friendly home on Anglophone airwaves remains an underdiscussed phenomenon to this day.) But even beyond flashback radio listeners, few of my picks will be surprising to anyone who’s spent time with any the dozens of stellar Neue Deutsche Welle compilations that have been issued over the years: I tend to lean more toward pop than punk, toward funk than motorik, but I don’t expect to be blowing any minds which have focused in this direction before.

I did want to note that the title of this mix, while it’s merely an obvious pluralization of the Welle in Neue Deutsche Welle, meant to reflect the diversity of regional and national scenes represented, is also a reference to one of my favorite books I’ve read this year: the 1911 novel Wellen (called Tides in a 1929 translation, long out of print but available by interlibrary loan) by Baltic German aristocrat and novelist Eduard von Keyserling. This mix, largely about the political and interpersonal concerns of the neon 1980s, may not have much to do with Keyserling’s fragile, constricted fin-de-siècle patricians, except inasmuch as wave after wave always rises and recedes. So we beat on.

1. Joachim Witt Goldener Reiter WEA | Hamburg, 1981

Perhaps the most important figure in Neue Deutsche Welle who never crossed over to English-language awareness, Joachim Witt was a particularly German (even perhaps particularly Hamburgian) kind of pop star: nerdy, awkward, and existential, with propulsive motorik rhythms and defiantly unheroic guitars. “Goldener Reiter” (Golden Rider), which takes high-traffic roundabouts as a starting point for an urbanized psychological alienation that Kafka and Grosz would recognize, introduced Witt to German pop audiences as a sort of Hanseatic David Byrne: but if this is his “Psycho Killer,” his subsequent career is equally worth hearing.

2. Lilli Berlin Ostberlin—Wahnsinn Rocktopus | Berlin, 1982

West Berlin was so much in the center of West Germany’s pop scene that all my representatives from Berlin in this mix include female pop stars: but Lilli Berlin harkens back as well to the older Berlin tradition of kabarett: social satire as popular music. A band named for its frontwoman Uschi Lina’s stage name, their only hit of any size was this (“East Berlin—Madness”), in which Lilli and her bandmates trade off shouting “Wahnsinn” in between an idealistic-then-jaundiced travelogue of the city beyond Checkpoint Charlie. The mockery is as much of the right-wing Western establishment’s horror at socialism as of the failed egalitarianism of the East.

3. Babsi Balou Hochsaison im Eissalon Lemon | Vienna, 1983

But for pure bubblegum pop, we go to Austria. The only single, and that under a stage name, by singer Sabine Chalupa, whose career has mostly been spent singing background vocals, it was a local hit as much for its pre-pubescent innocence (the title is “High Season in the Ice Cream Parlor,” and the verses list all the good summer gelato flavors) as for the specifically Viennese nods toward traditional schrammelmusik (the post-chorus mandolin glosses) and the schoolgirl Italian. “Va bene” when you’re eating ice cream, indeed.

4. Hubert Kah Engel 07 Blow Up | Reutlingen, 1984

Also-rans who relied on flamboyant stage dress in the early Neue Welle, the trio Hubert Kah, named for their charismatic and neurotic frontman Hubert Kemmler, suddenly became one of the biggest bands in Central Europe when they hooked up with Romanian-born superproducer Michael Cretu. The single “Engel 07” (quickly Anglicized to “Angel 07,” but it didn’t do the same numbers in English) was massive, and deservedly so: the moody tale of a man whose one-night stand turns out to be an angel performing heavenly espionage, couched in a low-impact synthworld, is one of the great German pop records of the 1980s. After the crossovers failed to take, Kemmler would have a nervous breakdown and withdraw from music, but he’s since returned, post-depression, and is beloved on the oldies circuit.

5. Carmen Es ist kalt um mich herum Schallmauer | Essen, 1982

Bedroom pop was not invented in the internet age, although it was arguably perfected there. Carmen Gaspar was one of the rotating cast of backup singers in the ironic NDW lounge act Die Doraus und die Marianas fronted by teenager Andreas Dorau; her solitary solo record, incorporating both electropop and mitteleuropean tradition, was produced and co-written with kabarettist and leftfield pop geek Piet Klocke from Bremen. If the result is pleasantly amateurish in a way that has affinities with later twee pop, it’s also particularly German: Carmen intones about how cold it is around her and her inability to love while the synthesizers plunk and the squeezeboxes squeeze.

6. Grauzone Eisbär Off Course | Zurich, 1981

Back in the French mix, I noted that Stephan Eicher had first come to prominence leading Grauzone. That was an error, or an incomplete truth. This, Grauzone’s first single and perhaps the Swiss new wave’s finest moment, was written and primarily performed by his brother Martin Eicher; Stephan didn’t join the project until later in 1981. The whole song, from the radio-frequency opening to the metal-on-metal guitar riffs to the skronky sax fadeout, is great enough instrumentally: but Eicher’s shouted lyrics about wanting to be a polar bear at the pole, where it’s so cold he can’t feel sad anymore, makes it one of the all-time great songs about depression.

7. Trio Bum Bum Mercury | Großenkneten, 1983

The most unlikely pop stars of the most unlikely pop era, the three small-town performance artists turned minimalist punks (drums-guitar-voice) of Trio had scored a worldwide hit with the Casio-assisted “Da Da Da” the previous year; on this followup, producer Klaus Voorman adds subtle bass heft, so that guitarist Gert Krawinkel’s surprisingly heavy guitar lines sound even more like Led Zeppelin. But drummer Peter Behrens maintains an uninflected stomp throughout, and Stephan Remmler’s muttered lyrics about being horny and scoring drugs are the opposite of rock & roll heroism. They liked to call themselves the Neue Deutsche Fröhlichkeit, or New German Cheerfulness: and their method of detourning pop is one of the cheeriest sounds of the decade.

8. Peter Schilling Terra Titanic WEA | Stuttgart, 1984

Globally famous for “Major Tom,” his shot-for-shot remake of “Space Oddity,” Peter Schilling was only the most prominent Bowiephile in Germanic pop: we’ll see more Thin White Duke borrowings on this mix. His next single, “Terra Titanic,” takes the famous sinking ship as a metaphor for a world barrelling full steam ahead towards climatological and nuclear disaster. Like “Engel 07,” “Bum Bum,” and other songs on this mix, it was also produced in an English-language version, but it wasn’t a hit outside Germany, where dour existentialism married to swelling Romantic melodies has long had a home.

9. Minisex Rudi, gib acht Schalter | Vienna, 1984

A year after “Every Breath You Take,” the Austrian band Minisex also had a hit about a stalker, but where the British band were all tension and perverse seduction, “Rudi, gib acht” (Rudi, Take Care) positively sparkles with bonhomie, as if the band is assuring one another that they’ve got each other’s back despite this setback. (Both the lead singer’s and the lead guitarist’s first name is Rudi.) Although Minisex’s decade-long career sported a varied sound ranging from austere post-punk to anthemic stadium rock, the bouncy power-pop of “Rudi, gib acht” was their biggest hit.

10. Spider Murphy Gang Wo bist du? Electrola | Munich, 1982

The sole representative in this mix of Germany’s second city, the Bavarian capital of Munich, “Wo bist du?” (Where Are You?) suggests why: where West Berlin was pop central, Hamburg was international art rock, and Düsseldorf was industrial futurism, Munich’s scene tended toward trad rock and beery singalongs, the Southern rock of Germany. Spider Murphy Gang were rock & roll stalwarts of the Neue Deutsche Welle, and here they sound like the Clash at their most rockabilly: although again the lyrics are about alienation and uncertainty, the music says everything is alright.

11. Nina Hagen Zarah (Ich weiß, es wird einmal ein Wunder geschehn) CBS | Hamburg, 1983

The Witch-Queen of the Neue Deutsche Welle, Nina Hagen had left East Berlin for West Berlin, West Berlin for Hamburg, and Hamburg for Los Angeles by the time this record, a striking cover/parody/remix/detournement of Zarah Leander’s 1942 ballad from the Nazi-era boffo smash picture Die große Liebe (The Great Love), was released. Fluttering between playing it straight and forcing Giorgio Moroder’s production to match the elasticity of her face and voice, Hagen embraces the postmodernism of hip-hop and club music while singing (ironically? sincerely? Schrödingerianly?) sentimental Fascist bullshit about the miracle of love.

12. Der Plan Gummitwist WEA | Düsseldorf, 1983

One of the pioneering Neue Deutsche Welle acts, by 1983 Der Plan had largely abandoned their early noisy experiments made under the influence of Throbbing Gristle, but the weirdo pop of the Residents remained a major touchstone. “Gummitwist” (the title is a reference to a skip-rope children’s game using elastic bands rather than ropes) was less of a hit than previous singles, but has had a longer afterlife, consistently rated one of the outstanding late-NDW records. Of course, that’s in hindsight: motormouthed lyrics about electronic goods as conspicuous consumption have only grown more relevant since 1983.

13. Cosa Rosa Millionenmal CBS | Berlin, 1985

In the late 70s, Berlin-based singer and pianist Rosa Precht met jazz-rock keyboardist Reinhold Heil, who encouraged her to sing her original compositions. Meanwhile, he became an integral member of several major Neue Deutsche Welle acts, including Nina Hagen Band and Spliff. When the two finally collaborated under the name Cosa Rosa in 1982, they produced an rapturous dance track called “Rosa auf Hawaii,” which merged audio dreams of the Mediterranean, the Caribbean, and the Pacific into a balearic haze of warm electronics and wordless warbles. Cosa Rosa would go on to produce three exemplary LPs of jazzy, airy dance-pop: this cut from their 1985 masterpiece Kein Zufall (No Coincidence) is an ecstatically melodic declaration of love despite the lover’s drawbacks: even without money, morals, or muscles, she loves him “Millionenmal” (“A Milliontimes” [sic]). Precht succumbed to cancer in 1991, never having achieved more than cult status; but god her records are fantastic.

14. Contact Schwarze Madonna Lemon | Vienna, 1984

The Austrian pop duo Contact only existed for about four years in the mid to late 1980s, and they only had one hit: this, their first single, a minor pop classic which takes a pleasantly reggae-ish lope as a setting for an expression of lust for a woman known only as “Schwarze Madonna” (Black Madonna). Which is a multi-layered reference to the Eastern Catholic practice of venerating various dark icons of Mary, not to mention (as the video demonstrates) to a Black woman as sexy as a then-popular Italian-American singer of some repute.

15. Neonbabies Horizont ohne Ende Ariola | Berlin, 1983

The West Berlin pop band Neonbabies, fronted by Inga Humpe, always operated rather in the shadow of another West Berlin pop band, Ideal, fronted by her sister Annette, even though Neonbabies came first. But Ideal had ironic, sarcastic Neue Deutsche Welle hits, and Neonbabies was more earnest and classicist. “Horizonte ohne Ende” (Horizon without End) even features sitar accents straight out of mid-60s British pop-psych, perhaps as uncool a sound as existed in 80s European pop. Now, however, it’s just another great spacy jam.

16. Collage Mit den Puppen tanzen Folksmusik | Hamburg, 1984

Very little of the music in these European mixes of mine have engaged with the most futuristic and forward-looking music of the 80s, hip-hop, partly because most European attempts at rapping were too embarrassing for many years to come, but mostly because my focus has just been elsewhere. But this monster electro jam from an underground Hamburg collective, with proper scratching and bottomless 808s, picks up Afrikaa Bambaataa’s transatlantic conversation with German synthpop and tosses it right back. Katrin Kuntze’s icy post-punk declarations (“Dance with the Puppets”) barely scratch the surface of the gleaming breakdance-worthy edifice that uses her voice as just another clashing rhythmic element.

17. mittageisen Automaten Luna-MB-Musik | Lucerne, 1985

It’s just a short jump from there to the electronic industrial music coming out of Switzerland. The whispered lyrics’ foreboding picture of a world in which people are alienated from one another, pacified by screens and voices in their ears, and work exists only for automated machines is a fairly standard cyberpunk dystopia, but it hasn’t gotten any less foreboding since the 1980s.

18. Nena Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann CBS | Berlin, 1984

It feels slightly unkosher to include a song in this mix that I’ve known for nearly twenty years — ever since I searched for “99 Luftballons” on Napster and Nena’s second-most famous song came up too — since most of the rest of it is so new to me. (Although I’d known (but had forgotten about) “Nell’aria” for longer.) But it’s such a fascinating object: the tension between the huge 80s stadium production and the limitations of Nena (both the modest pop-rock band and the singer’s wistful voice) means that the song never explodes like it wants to, at least until the very end when she valiantly jumps up an octave and shouts the title — “Anyplace, Anywhere, Anytime” — in a register a stronger singer would have bulldozed through the entire song with. But even then her voice is receding: it would be their last big hit, and the band that defined the politically engaged, synth-rocking German new wave for most of the globe would break up not long after.

19. Rheingold Via satellit CBS | Düsseldorf, 1983

Another of the seminal Neue Deutsche Welle bands, Rheingold’s 1980 “Dreiklangs-Dimensionen,” with its ping-pong percussion, is a must-have in every NDW comp. But this drifting, tidal motorik song from their last record, predicting the 90s from Stereolab to Spaceman 3, is my favorite of their singles. Bringing the hopeful nerd futurism of “Telstar” into the cable-television, video-dating, nuclear-button 1980s, “Via Satellite” dreams of a future when all communication is as frictionless as space.

20. Falco Junge Roemer GiG | Vienna, 1984

These mixes have been focused (perhaps too much so, since I’m leaving out so much English-language material) on local scenes, but there’s been an undercurrent too of internationalism: the French Etienne Daho dreamed of Rome, the Dutch Klein Orkest ruminated on Berlin, the Italian Jo Squillo squealed about Africa. The most ambitious, and also the schlockiest, Austrian pop star of the 1980s, Falco, also turns to Rome (while self-consciously quoting David Bowie from “Young Americans” to “Ashes to Ashes”). “Junge Roemer” (Young Romans; also German slang for yuppies) imagines a future-looking European youth who don’t have to be stuck in the civilizational weight of history: he jumps from German into Italian and finally English. The gliding disco production is assisted by the Munich Philharmonic Orchestra. It’s a gorgeous record, full of vanished hope and curdled cultural signifiers, far greater for me than the weightless faux-rap of “Der Kommissar” or the empty pomp of “Amadeus” — both of which I like. But I like this more.

21. Xmal Deutschland Feuerwerk (31-Dez) Phonogram | Hamburg, 1987

It wouldn’t be a mix of the European 80s if I didn’t include at least one goth act. Xmal Deutschland are probably the most famous German goth band, influenced equally by Siouxsie’s Banshees and the Cocteau Twins, as this extended piece from their 1987 album Viva makes clear. A luxuriant meditation on New Year’s fireworks, the passing of time, and, uh, orientalist imagery (because 80s goth), it’s a pulse-lowering close to a mix that has been ferocious in many directions at once.

Next up: the Balkans. Before the genocidal conflicts of the 1990s, there was the remarkable Novi val of Yugoslavia, the only pop scene in history to be both thoroughly Communist and thoroughly open to the West. Get pumped.

[thecheekybrunette]

What are namjin's favorite kids shows? favorite kids theme songs?

Wow, great question! I finally have  a chance to show off my intimate knowledge of children’s programming!!! 

All of these are listed in order with 1 being the BEST.

Favorite kid shows: 

Seokjin: I tried to condense this to just five, but there are so many that Seokjin likes, it was impossible.

Wallykazam! It’s a little blue ogre who casts spells that start with the letter of the day. He teaches synonyms and letter sounds, and the main villain’s name is Bob Goblin. Plus, there’s a purple giant named Gina, who is very nice, and Seokjin thinks it’s all very cute. Jimin loves it, and Hoseok also likes it!

Team UmizoomiAll the characters are cute and excited. They teach pattern recognition, simple shapes, measuring, and other math-related things. The villains are all really cute (although they freak Hoseok out, he’s a sensitive boy). 

Bubble GuppiesA very clever show about mermaids. Sometimes they do parodies of pop songs, and the Lady Gaga “Pencil Case” cover is his favorite. Plus, they teach a lot of cultural things. Once, they used and Ancient Egypt theme and hieroglyphics as an excuse to teach kids how to read symbols on maps to find bathrooms and restaurants, and Seokjin really appreciated it. His favorite character is Nonny. This is the one pre-school show that Yoongi really enjoys.

Toot and Puddle It’s really cute, and really calming, and Seokjin feels relaxed when it comes on. It’s a quiet show, and he usually finds himself watching it with Taehyung. 

Little Einsteins Because how could you not? Love the little Einsteins? Seokjin likes any kids show that showers his children in classical music and fine arts at an age appropriate level.

Sophia the FirstOkay, first, Taehyung has the biggest crush on Sophia, and it’s incredibly endearing. Second, Tim Gunn voices the butler, and Seokjin laughs every time he talks.

Charlie and LolaIt’s so cute. It’s unreal cute.

Jake and the Neverland PiratesThere are too many good shows for kids, these days. And also, Hoseok really likes this one, it’s his happy show. 

TeletubbiesThis show is a little weird, admittedly, but Jungkook was Tinky Winky for his first halloween, so it has a special place in Seokjin’s heart.

Namjoon: (Namjoon watches way less TV with the boys than Seokjin, so he doesn’t have as many thoughts about the shows.)

The Upsidedown ShowNamjoon actually genuinely likes watching this one because it’s so clever and fun. Yoongi also will sit through it; it’s not too young for him. 

Maggie and the Ferocious BeastThere’s something that’s sort of nostalgic about this one for Namjoon. It’s really funny, and really original, and he likes Hamilton and his box. He and Jimin sometimes make believe that Jimin has a Hamilton house with big boxes that come in. 

Sesame StreetNamjoon only likes Sesame Street because of how excited Jungkook gets during Elmo’s world. 

Blue’s CluesNamjoon really likes Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper. Also, he kid of likes the classic shows. He’s not home in the mornings very often when the boys watch TV, so he doesn’t know all the new ones like Seokjin does and often reverts back to reruns of old shows like Blue’s Clues. The boys don’t know the difference, anyway.

Dora Namjoon also really likes Backpack, and he sings the song every time he slings on the backpack he and Seokjin use as a diaper bag. Hoseok loves it. Yoongi thinks it’s annoying. (He’s too mature for Dora already, someone stop him from growing up.)

Favorite theme songs:

Seokjin: Seokjin has flawless taste in children’s programming and songs, so like if you don’t know any of these intros, trust me and listen to them. ESPECIALLY WALLYKAZAM AND UMIZOOMI, WOW.

Wallykazam!“Anything is possible with Wally, all you need the word!!!”

Team Umizoomi“We are a tiny team! We go behind the scenes! There’s nothing we can’t do! Milly, Geo, Bot, and you!!!” 

Sophia the First“Then I became a princess overnight!”

Charlie and LolaThe little girl’s laughter alone.

Go Diego Go! “This rough and tough adventurer is working all the time!” 

Little Einsteins“Climb aboard, get ready to explore!”

Namjoon:Namjoon doesn’t watch as many shows, but these are the ones he thinks about the most often, probably. 

Little Einsteins “We’re going on a mission, start the count down! Everyone to rocket, rev up now!” 

Charlie and LolaSeriously, it’s so cute, you guys don’t understand.

Wonder Pets“We’re not to big, and we’re not too tough, but when we work together we’ve got the right stuff!” 

The Backyardigans“In the place where we belong, and we’ll probably sing a song, and we’ll maybe dance along.”

Sesame Street“Come and play, everything’s A-OK.” 

Least favorite kid shows:

Also, here is a list of their least favorite kids shows (because there are definitely a bunch that they absolutely hate): 

Caillou Caillou’s voice way too irritating. Seokjin and Namjoon spend all day listening to their kids whine, watching a TV show about a kid who does nothing but whine is absolute torture. Plus, because the show is based off of a kid with cancer, the parents are very lenient and give Caillou whatever he asks for, which doesn’t fly in the Kim household.

OobiSeokjin is terrified of this show. Namjoon sometimes makes his hand into a little person and talks to Seokjin with it just to annoy him, but Oobi really and genuinely freaks him out. Just the line in the theme song, “and he’s always with you.” Ew, stop, ugh, no thank you. Turn it off.

The Doodlebops What the fuck.

Lazy Town Awful, awful, awful, awful.

Chuggington Kill it, kill it with fire. The voices are annoying, the trains are creepy, and British people have a really weird concept of children’s programming.

Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends The character design is freaking creepy, and the animation is weird. They read the books to the boys all the time, though. 

Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!This show is inexplicably annoying. The voices, the electronic weird music and odd sounds all the time and weird marshmallows, like ugh, get out.

Yo Gabba GabbaThis one, they don’t mind the kids watching so much, but it’s just... weird, and the music is way too catchy and way too annoying. Also it kind of gives Namjoon “Don’t Hug Me, I’m Scared” vibes, so he’s really distrusting of it. 

[pafsins2]

Everything Wrong and Right With Mission Marvel

SINS:

1.Why would Aunt May care that Phineas and Ferb are doing a crossover? And why does Spider-Man want to bust them? I'm confused already!

2.Oh yeah the kids are space for the 50th time

3.”I do not want to do it in the suit” Piss joke.

4.Was “Cranking” ever a thing?

5.Yet another Doof plan fueled by roger. We've already had a few this season and there's even more coming up.

6.”I thought this was going to be a special extended episode!” Haw Haw

7.Obligatory Stan Lee Cameo.

8.The Avengers existing in the P&F world raises so many questions that I  won't bother to get into

9.Drake Bell isn't with Josh in this scene.

10.The boys satellite happens to hit New York when normally it would happen to hit Danville?

11.Everyone else makes some sort of sense, but wouldn't Hulk turn back into Bruce Banner?

12.Also, being worthy isn't enough to carry the hammer, you gotta be strong too? There's no worthy people who are a tad weak? What a picky hammer.

13.Nicky Fury doesn't comment until now for the sake of this joke.

14.”Winning!” If that's a Charlie Reference than that's an extra sin. +!

16.Danny Trejo is given very little to do here.

17.MODOK feels the need to remind everyone who he is.

18.”He must have some backstory” Ha Ha.

19.You already did the Where's Perry joke.

20.Why was Doof expecting Perry when he already thwarted him today?

21.His accent isn't THAT thick.

22.How long has Thor been on Earth in this continuity? Because I don't know if he should have seen a juice box by now or not?

23.You did “Where's Perry?” THREE TIMES?!

24.You work with the jolly green giant, a god, and a spider-man. Is a Platypus that farfetched?

25.Also, it just hit me to sin the lack of any character you feel should have been here. I pick Captain America because apparently it wasn't a legal problem, Dan just didn't like him or something. Dan is dead to me.

26.Again, you are a group of very odd people,why is a Platypus farfetched?

27.A Disney Marvel production makes reference to a Fox Marvel property. Then again, Spider-Man was with Sony at the time so...meh.

28.Ferb doesn't a card to Iron Man. I know he's stuck at the moment but come on.

29,Wait, so the Marvels are real but also have stuff based on them as seen with the Ducky Momo Crossover?

30.How did Stan Lee get to Danville from New York so fast?

31. They randomly switch from Evil Buddies and Me to Evil Buddies and  I, for the sake of a rhyme.

32.How does having Thor powers unlike the suit, which by this episodes logic is a power unique to Iron Man?

33.Oh boy here we go. Phineas get angry in this context isn't a sin on it's own. The sin is that he gets angry TWICE, and the first time feels slightly harsher. It would work better if this was cut, making his 2nd freakout feel more earned.

34. And yet that's not the saddest moment in the episode:”Horse in a bookcase is canceled' NOOOOOOOOO!

35.Is it me or does the CG on The Break glitch in a few shots?

36.Random Narrator half way through.

37.Perry sure took his sweet time doing anything.

38.Howard the Duck exists in the P&F Universe. Huh.

39.This Candace Mistake is a lot more well meaning and small. The mistakes and freakouts should have been switched for bigger impact.

40.Refer to my previous sin about Phineas. But since the flaw with that scene makes this bit even more off, it deserves repeating.

41.”You wouldn't like him when he's angry” The fans sure don't.

42.We're 24 minutes into a 44 minute special and we're introduction another subplot, with Isabella? Yeah, it's lateness and abrupt-ness is a big issue with the plot.

43.And why is she so bothered when it wasn't as big of a deal back in Got Game?

44.Villain is betrayed by bigger villains cliché.

45.Linda's headphones must be amazingly powerful to block out this noise

46. Out of nowhere, the lack of female heroes is an issue? Huh?

47.Candace is on the bed in this shot, but she's next to the window in this shot.

48.”My brother got mad at me for screwing up” “Buford is being sexist and I want more female heroes here, and I haven't been prevented from helping yet” “We're on the same page, let's sing about it!”

49.And Isabella's plight is never mentioned again! ...Wait, what?

50.”I know you're in there somewhere” cliché.

51.This Buford Scene is pretty much pointless

52.In case you forgot Phineas was angry...

53.”We have a Baljeet”. Haw haw.

54.”You were up in what?” Did she...forget they were in space earlier?

55.How did Buford make that costume so quickly?

56.How does he still have the Disintergrator-inator?

57.”Talk about being disarmed” Boooooo.

58.Candace and Isabella sure recovered from the shock of falling to earth pretty quickly. Also, they survive that.

59.”That's using my head” Ugh...

60.Phineas tore the card up into two pieces but here it seems to be in 5 pieces.

61. He just forgave you and you're going to bust them? Jerk!

62.And Doof ends up doing nothing in the actual climax.

63.Abrupt ending.

64.How did Perry have time to put that costume on underneath?

EPISODE SIN TALLY: 64

SENTENCE: Chewed out by Phineas, twice!

...Well, that's a lot of sins...but less than SBTY, believe it or not. Weird. But still, plenty of sin to enjoy here. Now let's see what it got right.

WINS:

1.This is a pretty cool opening for the special.

2.”Aunt May, Phineas and Ferb are doing a crossover” Now that's funny.

3.This is a fun song to start us off

4.Irving gets to say Where's Perry for real this time!!

5.This is actually a decent  plan by Doof's standards

6.Stan Lee! Yes, it's a sin  and a win.

7.We already get a fun action scene with the heroes

8.And yes, the Marvel Heroes in general is a big win.

9.Having the big idea and Doof's plan work together to start the conflict is a nice touch.

10.The gags with them dealing with their lost powers, such as Iron Man on a dolley, are pretty funny.

11.And already one of the heroes is using one of the shows running gags!

12.Danny Trejo voices Venom and he's always a win, even if he doesn't do a lot.

13.The banter with the villains is great.

14.I love that its gotten to the point where Linda says she's in charge before she can even ask.

15.Modok Doof is a win.

16. The interactions with Doof and the villains are hilarious.

17.And now the crossover has really begun!

18.Candace being a fangirl is all kinds of hilarious.

19.”Yes, except it's cool” Oh snap!

20.Everything said in this bit with Nicky Fury is funny. Yeah, this episode is funny.

21.”Just a little British Sci Fi Technology.” Nice.

22.”We're not allowed to accept unsolicited materiel” Again, nice.

23.A Crossover joke in a crossover, so meta.

24.This entire song sequence is freaking hilarious.

25.Stan Lee again!

26.This entire conversation with Thor and IronMan was lifted from a talk between the creators and the Marvel people, which makes this even funnier.

(I'll defend Phineas a bit later as it's actually more of a win there, sort of)

27. The Beak is back!

28. This throwown here is cool.

29. “Now I'm Iron Man” Hahahahaha! That was a genuine laugh by the way.

30.Stan Lee as Narrator!

31. Super Perry is a win.

32. This special has so many great jokes but the Howard the Duck bit is the best.

33.Candace is helping!

34.Hulkjeet.

35.Nice Hulk Reference.

36. Okay, there's plenty wrong with Phineas but to be fair, his anger makes sense to an extent. Candace screwed up big time and he's gotten mad before, at weaker offensives. And it does lead to some nice emotional stuff and helps the story in theory, even if it could have been done better.

37.I'm willingly to let the problems with Isabella slide because this song is amazing. The emotion is there and Ashley and Alyson work really well together.

38.Lawrence's Cameo is funny

39.a Nice Buford moment, even if it's undone.

40.More Stan Lee!

41. Going out to fight despite no real powers is very noble and badass on their part.

42.This little bit here is pulled of better than the previous Phineas/Candace scenes in the episode,so it earns a win.

43.Hulkjeet saving Iron Man is awesome, especially with all the buildup.

44.The music during this part is awesome.

45.Bearboy!

46.Doof helping is always a win.

47.Saving the day by accident!

48.The full version of this rap is really cool

49.This climax is AWESOME! Besides the fight itself being exciting and well animated, the song really makes it even more epic!

50.This make up scene is very nice and makes this subplot worth it, even with it's flaws.

51.Victory Hot Dogs by Stan Lee!

52.The Ducky Momo gag here is great.

EPISODE WIN TALLY: 52

REWARD: Superpowers!

Yeah, a win record, as expected with the extra time. This episode is one of the reasons I started doing Wins to begin with, as it does deserve defending. This was one of the more fun sin posts, helps that the episode is fun.

With that, see you next week as we go back to normal sins,  involving Thanks and Troy!

[jefferyryanlong]

Fresh Listen - Donald Byrd, Black Byrd (Blue Note, 1973)

(Some pieces of recorded music operate more like organisms than records. They live, they breathe, they reproduce. Fresh Listen is a weekly review of recently and not so recently released albums that crawl among us like radioactive spiders, gifting us with superpowers from their stingers.)

For the casual listener of jazz, whose brain contours have been thoroughly wrinkled in the brine of popular music--rock, soul, R’n’B, country--an entry point to jazz may appear less as a doorway than a vista onto collapsed labyrinths intersecting upon an equally structured and chaotic landscape. Jazz is formidable. Intimidating. Even the works of the most prominent jazz luminaries, seemingly accessible as they may be, regularly immerse themselves in tonal complexities, overloaded with harmonic information. Miles Davis, with his penchant for melodic deconstruction, is at times shrill and angular. John Coltrane--needlessly assaulting, desperate to make his point, to convince, with incoherent noise on the verge of non-music. Thelonious Monk--rewriting the same tune time and again, reconfiguring unrecognizable the works of others in a capricious display of his mastery. Jazz is the most uncompromising of American musics, a form that requires incredible discipline of mind and memory while simultaneously allowing the soul to roam among the rafters, among the stars. And that requirement applies to listening to jazz, not simply playing it.

In his documentary Jazz, Ken Burns attempts to ease a reckoning with the form, introducing its progenitors and heroes to newcomers and causal music fans via historical context and a survey of American (primarily African-American) cultural innovations, and reminding longtime fans of jazz of the importance of neglected figures of the art, who themselves lack the disposable power to maintain a presence in the popular consciousness. All the while, Burns peppers the proceedings--still photographs, black and white films of performances, interviews--with anecdotes, juicy, spicy, and nearly always sad. Because of the expansive and generous nature of the music, Burns, in an effort to illuminate the through-lines that bridge one artist to the other, focuses the documentary on three foundational figures: Louis Armstrong, who legitimized jazz as a commercial entertainment enterprise; Duke Ellington, who introduced into the form compositional sophistication; and Charlie Parker, who could imbue the most pedestrian numbers with virtuosic spontaneity. Filtered as it was through the sensibilities of these saints among men, Jazz was, by necessity, limited in scope, and it had the tendency to present the work of successive artists as an extension of, or rebuke to, Armstrong, Ellington, or Parker. For musicians whose careers were further removed from the triumvirate (Lee Morgan, Charles Lloyd, Donald Byrd, to name only a few), their work was only mentioned in passing, or passed over altogether.

By 1972 jazz was, artistically, in an uncomfortable position in the framework of popular music. Though Miles’s Davis construct of fusion (loose, trippy improvisations instantaneously composed and manifested by electric instruments, rearranged in post-production) was embraced by acid-headed jammers on the hard rock circuit, the explorations of fusion-jazz rendered the venerated tradition of conventional jazz old-fashioned, fuddy-duddy. (Strangely, the more accessible Davis believed he was becoming in his jazz-fusion phase, the more avant-garde, if not alienating, the expressions of his music turned out to be--see On the Corner).

Like Davis, Donald Byrd slipped through a number of skins to retain relevancy in American ears. Electric Byrd, released in 1969, was a melodic interpretation of jazz-fusion. In the long and jammy space of electrified instruments discovering new ways to speak to one another, there were songs, composed motifs, not simply aggressively repeated phrases and fragmented harmonies that might imply a melody, that might give the listener an uneasy foothold in the music. In the early Seventies, when Davis went further out with raw recorded funk squawks awash in grim effects--dismantling the aesthetics of soul and R’n’B--Byrd absorbed funk and soul music into his restless sound. With the assistance of the astute and undeniably hip Mizzell brothers, Byrd crafted a record that fused the smooth, shimmering production ethos of Motown with the politics (albeit subdued) of hard soul, the swinging rhythms of R’n’B and proto-disco, and the space that jazz allowed for inspired soloing. Black Byrd is not a groundbreaking album, but it is one of the most pleasant (and best-selling) jazz records of all time, accessible to all for its constraint of harmonic exploitation in service to hummable, memorable songs. A record for all occasions, one that is not undermined by adventurousness. Rather than modes and tonal intensity, the basis for Black Byrd’s expression is riffs and chords and blues structures, powered deep by a fat rhythm section.

With its easygoing acoustic guitar tying together the jaunty, ready-to-make-love-to-the-world melodic motif of “Flight Time,” Black Byrd’s first track comes across as an ideal creation of the Seventies, aurally evoking the warmth of that sun-browned time when there was comfort in going the route of “any which way but loose.” Early on, flutists Allen Curtis Barnes and Roger Glenn reveal themselves as foils for Donald Byrd’s effortless trumpet soloing, pushing the soul-backed proceedings to altitudes of virtuosity the grounded rhythm section pumps skyward. Midway through “Flight Time” Byrd lands his band squarely on the streets, a funky wah-wah guitar coloring the scene with bright-patterned dresses and scarves and shirts and street signs that shocks the warm brown sound into Technicolor.

“Black Byrd,” the title track, is an exercise in tension building: a keyboard riff refrain against the first of the album’s vocal performances (primarily the Mizzell Brothers supply the vocals throughout the album, though Byrd steps up to the lead on “Slop Jar” and “Where Are We Going?”). Wisely, the voices aren’t meant to establish and reinforce the melodies of these songs--instead, they are applied impressionistically, uncomplicated lyrics meant to complement grooves without forcing them into a prescribed pop formula. “Listen to the horns / carrying on” the Mizells sing, laying out the thesis of this straightforward recording, intensifying the exhortation until the chorus resolves the riff and releases the tension. Then the last chord goes unresolved inside of another musical question, and the tension of the riff is conjured once again.

The bass is the real hero of “Love’s So Far Away,” a mostly instrumental slice of proto-disco that calls to mind Evelyn “Champagne” King’s “Shame,” released a few years later. Measure by measure, one of the album’s three bassists finds something more interesting to express alongside the swiftly moving drums, locking down the groove while elevating it. Stick around past the false ending, and you will hear, for just a little more than a minute, a group of mind-melded musicians jamming freely within the narrow parameters of a constrained sonic environment--a group of hot players cooking at a very cool temp. Donald Byrd himself seems caught off by the improvisation, and is late in blowing his horn unfettered, for a few fleeting, unprogrammed moments.

“Sky High” is the vocal-inflected sequel to “Flight Time,” without the compelling motif of the earlier song to provide a similar turbulence-free lift. “Mr. Thomas” is less a jazz-funk track than straight rock and roll, its heavy, electric riff reminiscent of Jethro Tull’s “Aqualung.” “Slop Jar Blues,” with its subtle timing shifts, complicates the twelve-bar structure of the song--a jazz-inspired blues that makes the most of Byrd’s world-weary singing voice.

The final track, “Where Are We Going?” is a soul tune that brings to the forefront all the mainstream musical characteristics seeping through the rest of the album. Again, Donald Byrd takes over the microphone with his trumpet in check, lamenting the recurring moral aimlessness of a people, a country, a time, with no discernible center. Lacking polemic (Byrd’s vocal tone seems incapable of angry rhetoric), Byrd critiques an easily misled populace that is controlled by prevailing sentiment, no matter how wrong the sentiment is. Though he doesn’t speak it straight out, Byrd seems to advocate for a means of redefining that sentiment (which could be as encompassing as the American Dream), so that it meets the needs of the people. Needless to say, the thesis of “Where Are We Going?” and the conditions it describes are as applicable today as they were in the Seventies.

Attempting to carefully parse out the different musical elements that inform Black Byrd is perhaps a pointless endeavor. To separate any one element from the other would be a disservice to Byrd’s artistic effort. Some might say that, as a jazz record, Black Byrd fails. I believe the album succeeds at something more challenging. Disregarding slavish jazz conventions. it succeeds at showing how seemingly mutually exclusive musics can be worked together with the right personnel into an art that moves the listener, that flies level--high, but no so far out of this world as to be untouchable.