#This is so awful. godbless

[hrtley]

Momobile

[dandy-lions-null]

Urgh...Moses

I gave up towards the end, so tired, so done

Finished Piece

The Reference Image

The ungodly sketch I put on paper and fixed after importing to digital (ashamed of how bad this one is) chat it's actually so bad

God may forgive you for being the Prince of Egypt, but he will never forgive becoming someone's shitty Alternate OC

[elemental-plane]

should've known how tragic the finale would've been because the first 15-20 minutes were going far too well

[kiuda]

remember when i would post lore discourse here? yeah those were the days

[lightpickles]

[siramory]

ok ay heres shit

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 38)

Yeah, yeah let's just commence with this so we can get the ending over with and I can forget these last chapters ever happened again in peace. There's not much of substance to analyze here anyway since this ending is so sloppy and devoid of meaningful resolution.

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Chapter One Hundred and Seventy-Three

It’s Hotaru’s time for a farewell.

Mikan leaps out of bed to embrace her best friend, instantly in tears. She’s been worried about her for weeks so she’s relieved that Hotaru seems to be in a healthy state, finally there to say a proper good-bye. She instantly asks about Natsume, too, who Hotaru left to take care of. She pleads with Hotaru to take her to Natsume, but Hotaru regretfully tells her that she can’t tell her anything. She still promises that Natsume will find her again someday, and not to give up her belief in him. 

It all just doesn't mean anything. I'm so tired.

She’s here to say good-bye, because she knows everything already.

I think Hotaru’s holding back of information here is reminiscent of Narumi’s back in the beginning of the story, when he couldn’t tell Mikan much about her situation but still requested her faith and trust that he had her best interest in mind. She chose to trust him and he did indeed work for her best interest. The same is true of Hotaru here, who can’t tell her what’s going on but is still doing her best to help Natsume.

She tells Mikan to be strong and to accept this hard fate, because it isn’t so bad. She promises Mikan that even if she forgets, even if they never see each other again, their bond is eternal, like it’s always been. 

Mikan is disturbed by that comment, though, arguing that Ruka promised he’d find her after graduation so Hotaru shouldn’t give up on her so easily. Hotaru pretends to be sleepy and instead insists that chasing is more of Mikan’s thing, that she herself doesn’t like to make promises she can’t keep. Thus, seeing each other again is on Mikan again. Mikan argues and complains about this, but she’s still in high spirits. Even if Hotaru is being mean, Mikan has always understood her friend better than anybody else. She knows that Hotaru is just like that sometimes. She’s just happy to be reunited after so much worrying. 

So she decides that this can be their own lesson in memories. Mikan can’t choose a favorite memory, so she brings up a whole bunch of precious memories together, moments she will soon forget. No matter what, Hotaru has always been there for her, and she’s happy that that’s still the case, that Hotaru came back to say good-bye. 

It's so hard coming up with captions when I'm just not vibing with the content. I'm not funny right now, just bitter.

“We’re two hearts beating as one,” she says. Hotaru has always been one of her most important people, someone she’s always willing to chase after, to go the extra mile for, to defend. She believes Hotaru that their bond is eternal, that it won’t be shattered by something as insignificant as erased memories.

And Hotaru finally shares her favorite memory of Mikan--when she found out Mikan had followed her to the academy, her happiest memory. Mikan is--again--touched and saddened by this. She doesn’t want to say good-bye, to be parted from her best friend. So she hugs her and cries, until Hotaru knocks her out with an invention.

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy-Six

Mikan wakes up alone. She has to leave the academy and say good-bye to everyone she knows and loves and forget them forever. Today’s the day. 

Hotaru is no longer there but Mikan is intent on finding her before leaving. But that’s not a possibility. Time has run out and it’s time to go.

Still no Hotaru.

Still no Natsume.

She wanted to see them just once before forgetting everything, but it seems like even that small dream has no chance of coming true.

It’s not entirely a sad event though. Almost the whole school is gathered in the courtyard to say good-bye to her. Though I think it’d be bold to claim Mikan made a personal difference in everyone’s lives, I think her grander sacrifices, like when she agreed to be locked up in the labyrinth to save the school or when she stole Luna’s alice from many students’ bodies, made an impression. She did do a lot of good here. She’s certainly not the only one, but things wouldn’t be the way there are now if she hadn’t made those choices, which we know weren’t really choices at all. Mikan always does the right thing, on instinct, because it’s the only thing she can think to do.

This is also meaningless. Yes, I'll explain in the next part. Even everything in these few chapters leading up to her losing her memories is pretty much meaningless. Nothing matters at all and these chapters are a waste of time.

The whole school promises to remember her, to keep her memory alive no matter what. She thanks everyone for all their help and support and friendship. Even despite her tears she swears she loves them all. She promises the tears she’s shedding now are tears are happiness, not fear or sadness, though she undoubtedly is feeling that too. Mikan is choosing to focus on the positive right now, on saying a heartfelt good-bye even though none of this went the way she wanted and dreamed.

She’d wanted to spend her school years with her close friends, friends of the quality she’d never had before. Mikan doesn’t remember her village friends, and I speculate she hadn’t been too close to them to begin with. Her first real friend was Hotaru, but joining the academy led to making many new special friends, people she truly loved and connected with in a way she never had. She genuinely does love them all (though the last chapter disagrees and ruins everything).

Narumi tells her this is a graduation day for her, that he’s proud of her, that he has faith in her that she’ll thrive even after she leaves these gates. “Congratulations,” he tells her, “on your graduation from Alice Academy.” Mikan embraces him and he implores her to smile, to think of this as a happy occasion rather than a sad one. Kazumi also swears to always watch over her as her uncle and relative, and Shiki promises the same as her guardian. When they meet again, they won’t say good-bye. 

Uh huh. For now.

The only person she hasn’t said good-bye to (other than the dead kid) is Bear, who stubbornly shunned her and now hasn’t even bothered to show up at her farewell. 

But he is here, packed away in her suitcase, waiting to leave with her. He didn’t want to say good-bye because he wasn’t intending on being parted with her to begin with. Kaname left a note with him that he is gifting Bear to her, to watch over her after she leaves the academy, so that she will care for him. 

Mikan starts to cry, loathe to say good-bye too, but regrettably reminding him that she can’t take him with her. She hugs him and he finally lets her. Their relationship has been as consistent as any other, a bond lasting since the very beginning. Just like with Natsume, Mikan had to put in a lot of effort into getting to know Bear, to seeing the sweetness that lies deep inside. Bear is her precious friend now, someone who kept her company when she had nobody else in the labyrinth. 

But Kazumi has Bear swear to not reveal that he’s not an inanimate object to others from now on. He cannot move in front of others but will always be a loyal friend to Mikan. Can he keep that promise?

Bear nods.

Perhaps the saving grace of these last chapters is Bear's development, which is consistent with previous chapters and showcases the growth of his relationship with Mikan. But I don't know... everything else seems meaningless and every time I read these chapters I cry a little less. But never any less for Bear's scenes. They still feel just as powerful each time.

Mikan won’t be leaving this place alone. She’ll have someone to stay by her side, to act as a reminder of her time here, even if she forgets it all. 

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy-Seven

It’s time to leave.

She still hasn’t seen Natsume or Hotaru.

She’s nervous about leaving without seeing them again, but her time is quickly running out. She can see the person who will take away her memories at the gate now. Her only hope now is that they will appear at the last moment to alleviate her grief and worry, but they never show up. Each passing second concerns her even more, but she can’t stop the inevitable from happening.

Some students have put together a graduation ceremony of sorts for her, singing the Alice alma mater, with Sumire leading them with her violin. Apparently, this was all her idea, to give her the special graduation she’d been so excited about experience with everyone else before. Sumire has tears in her eyes and an angry expression on her face, but even that can’t hide the love in this act.

The reason I hate these chapters so much is because I might actually like them if the last three chapters didn't exist. These chapters demonstrate how many people love Mikan and how much Mikan loves others, how important all her school bonds are, what a difference they've made in her life. In these chapters, classmates like Sumire and Koko and Iinchou matter. Her bonds with Natsume and Ruka and Narumi and Tsubasa matter. The last chapters completely undermine that and as a result these chapters are cheapened.

So she cries.

And everyone cries.

And I cry.

Maybe you cry too.

Mikan smiles. It’s time to go. She’s led to the gates and Ruka cries out that he will definitely see her again. She grins at him and thinks back on Hotaru’s words, her reassurances that she will see Natsume again, and even though Mikan hasn’t seen either of them today, she chooses to have faith in her best friend one last time. She will see them both again, for sure.

She’s ready to go, now. So she waves and beams at the crowd. “See you!” It’s not forever. Love doesn’t die, surely.

She goes through the gates with a smile, accepting her fate like Hotaru told her to. She never even sees the face of the man who takes her memories, but she doesn’t fight him. She closes her eyes and trusts, accepts her destiny. 

Sigh.

Good-bye, Mikan.

Conclusion

Isn't it funny how this "saying bye to Mikan" arc lasted some nine or so chapters, all ramping up to her losing her memories, just to have the last three short chapters undo all that and tell us that nothing we just read mattered at all? Why did Mikan have to lose her memories just to end up getting called back anyway? Her memories were erased for her protection and yet she still ended up in danger, something the Academy staff should have predicted because to not do so is idiotic. So what was the point? There was no point!

This final era of Gakuen Alice sucks so much because it's all about bringing out cheap emotions in the audience, making them sad about Natsume dying or Mikan losing her memories or Hotaru getting lost to time, and then shrugging and ending the story without any character resolution, just a bunch of characters smiling on a beach we didn't even know was a hope until recently. It's all just so sloppy, both in concept and execution. Boo!

We all deserved a better ending, one that is maybe a little less insulting. Too bad!

In any case my family just finished watching Never Have I Ever and I'm really psyched to continue writing my fic subjectives because of the rivals to lovers inspiration! If you know that show, feel free to guess my lane... I feel like it would be pretty obvious.

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[kn11ves]

i know it should be common sense but genuinely someone with a large following base on here can still be dumb as fuck, bitter and unhappy and that seeps out through their posts and who they choose to lash out. it doesnt matter if they regularly make joke posts that get thousands of notes they r just as credible as someone with like a third of their followers. like they are just some random person on tumblr that a lot of people follow and thats it. and people need to stop seeing a huge amount of notes on a post and be like Ok guess i gotta reblog this *unawarely spreads harmful rhetoric*

[butchdykekondraki]

dave will always run back to anyone who gives her any sort of attention, so long as she gets to be treated like a person she literally doesn't care. she'll cling to anyone who so much as gives her a second glance because she's so desperate for ANY kind of attention that even when she knows someone is being mean or awful to her, all she'll do to stop them is just beg and plead for them not to leave her. jack LITERALLY calls her a monster and her response isn't anger or telling him off, all she does is start freaking out and ask them (not TELL them, ASK them) not to say that, because she thinks it'll stay if she treats them nicely even if they hate her.

steven does something similar to this kind of. he also acts this way, but he's a lot more forceful about what he wants. he outright tries to demand that jack stop talking to dave, and when that doesn't work he shuts jack out and starts being cruel to it. he's the one who tips off the police to dave and jack murdering children, and he goes so far as to point out jack specifically to the police. AND YET, in the flipside the second he sees jack & dave he starts freaking out and begs them not to kill him, before finally dropping it and saying that he's "unsavable". despite ALL OF THIS he still tells jack he's genuinely thankful that they saved him. jack is, quite literally, the worst and best thing to ever happen to him, and as such he's almost desperate to try to get its approval.

point being theyre like dogs to me. really fucked up abused dogs. .:-)

steven and dave are both like stray dogs vying for affection but in two separate ways and that is so important to me

[proseka-headcanons]

OK SO ABOUT PJSK CAST AS GENERAL;

- So in pjsk, our children ofc have their own parents. Some are nice (godbless Ken Shiraishi), some are not the best but theyre trying, but some are just straight up fuckin assholes (looks at mafumom and harumichi).

- But well, not all parents are perfect are they? so all of pjsk's parents are assholes in some ways just bc. (yes even Ken is somewhat)

- Literally i'm only setting this up for angst

- Ok and like, half of the cast's parents dont approve of their children pursuing music or at least try to make them only do that as a side hustle yknow, instead of actually going pro.

- SO NOW THIS IS WHERE MY HEADCANON STARTS;

> The pjsk cast units all hold concerts/shows (except for n25, but sometimes they perform music live)

> None of the parents ever came to them (except people like Ken, since he's the only responsible adult in this game apparently, and thats a low bar considering who Ken is)

> maybe Minori's mother watched her perform on tv, or Mizuki's parents heard her commotion in their room making music, or smth like that.

> Look i dont read MMJ or L/N stories that much so maybe some of them have nice parents?? im writing this on a whim

> Anyway their parents either never goes or rarely goes, for one reason to another.

> But imagine their reactions, when they finally, finally, decided to make an appearance to their kids' concerts/shows/live;

Imagine Shinei Shinonome, watching his son, who he said cannot pursue music, up there on a live house stage, singing with so much emotions that Shinei can feel it himself. Imagine Harumichi, who goes just to see how "good" his failure of a son is, only to get a fuckin whiplash when he heard his son's powerful singing voice. Imagine Kohane's parents, who always worries about her doing street music at god knows where at ungodly hours, always telling her to just stop, only to gape when they witness Kohane, who used to be so timid, now singing with a voice so loud and so beautiful. And Ken Shiraishi grinning proudly at An and the others bc hey, at this point VBS is his kids.

Imagine Tsukasa's neglectful parents, who never goes to Tsukasa's shows in favor of Saki's concerts, decided to come bc Saki asked them, and can only watch as Tsukasa takes the fuckin stage, like the star he always talks about becoming, and then asked themselves, "what have we miased this past few years?". Imagine Emu's father who never have a very good relationship with his daughter, decided to come to like review WxS performance or smth, only to be surprised when he heard Emu's singing and dancing (Emu's siblings are proud af). Imagine Nene's parents who never thought much of their daughter, one day got an invitation from her, and when they came, they watch in awe as their daughter shows them the reason why she's called the Songstress. Imagine Rui's parents, who cares so deeply about him (i think?) but never goes to his shows, finally has time, and doesn't regret coming as they witness the amazing performance that their son directed.

Imagine Kanade's father, watching N25 live concert on youtube, and slowly, faintly, recalling a familiar soft voice within all the voices who resonates in the live (i think he lost his memories right??? i forgot what happened to Kanade's father). Imagine Mafumom, watching live of her daughter's singing, how much emotion, how heavy the lyrics are, and maybe, just maybe, she for the first time doubted herself a little. Imagine Shinei, who always doubted his daughter, having his jaw dropped bc not only the illustration of the live is gorgeous, his daughter's voice is so filled with emotions that he felt shivers, just like when he heard Akito sang for the first time in a live house. Imagine Mizuki's parentd, who never rlly cared of what Mizuki does as long as she's okay, decided to take a look at her live, only to have their jaws dropped because wow, their daughter's singing is amazing.

- I wanna make scenarios for MMJ and L/N too but i dont read much of their stories 😭

rlly the WxS and N25 also has a little bullshitting bc i dont read all of their stories either. the only scenario im sure would happened is VBS bc i practically read almost all of their event stories, plus the ones in the past that i missed.

- yeah i just want to see pjsk parents seeing how much their children grow and getting a whiplash from it. imagine them reacting to like, all 5 units holding one giant concert. and you can see the contrast, the difference between each unit's parts, but their melody resonates nonetheless.

- also i think i sent an ask about the Shinonomes headcanon but it hasnt been answered? idk if it went through, but i did ask if i can be an unofficial mod there, so once again, can i be unofficial mod Tsukasa? :3

SOBBIBG SCREAMING CRYINH. pjsk parents can suck it tbh but their room for redemption is soooo interesting to me.

[moonshynecybin]

dont know if anyones done this yet but elaborate on the cowboy thing plsssss

TWO OPTIONS. both long as FUCK !

one. campy roleplay. marc likes cota (mostly good memories) he LOVES a gimmick and they BOTH love being absolutely shamelessly silly. it’s marc in assless chaps and a lil stripper vest cowboy outfit and NOTHING ELSE. it’s vale FULLY buttoned up with a lil handkerchief and a jaunty cowboy hat and his lil earring (low effort in the costume department on this one from him. HIGH effort from marc i think) it’s just. astoundingly awful rodeo puns as marc strips vale slowlyyyyyy (vale telling him step by step what to remove next…) and then like. marc riding him into the mattress. core working thighs flexing breathless laughing. sinuous. slow. vale’s hands tracing up the smooth outside of marc’s thigh… we’ve seen how those hips move this weekend he is. ON IT. steals the hat off of vale’s sweaty head and winks at him

SCENARIOOOOO two!!! they are actually and literally in the wild west. came over to the us as young teens seeking fame and fortune and they both wheeled around the cattle driving scene in the southwest… vale and marc eventually meeting and falling into bed together as you do on these long haul herding caravans (in LOVE. talking alllll day as they ride being ANNOYING. INSUFFERABLE. truly so in sync.) and they become close after a while just. talking under the stars. bonding about being away from home. about being in charge of their little brothers… and they’re both clearly the best riders… spend the most time on their horses… the most time doing trick shots with their guns… shooting cans and one upping themselves… truly like recognizing like in the thrill seeking slut department.

and eventually vale decides to split with some ranch hands (academy boys) to star in his own traveling gunslinger/horse trick show… marc sticks behind even though he DESPERATELY wants to come (sick to his STOMACH seeing vale’s horse leave town. keeps the advertisement posters from town to town locked in his sidebag and carefully wrapped in leather to protect from the weather. just to know where he is. just to see his face… because if he DID go with vale, ALEX would want 2 come. and marc (sole provider/protector of alex in this universe. sending money back 2 home. significantly more neurotic about him as a result) WILL NOT let anything happen to alex. EVER. and so he has to let vale go…

so ten years pass and vale amasses a cult following and alex has established himself as like. a bankers apprentice (he’s fucking franky. marc has NO idea godbless. thinks he is nobly sacrificing his love life for alex who is. fully getting way more dick than him.) and FINALLY eventually marc sees a poster of vale and his boys papered up in some bar and is like. okay i’m doing something for meeee… and he rides up to vale’s camp where he’s set up his little performance area and fucking. shoots vale’s gun straight out of his hand. bullseye. and vale doesn’t even have to look up to know who it is. and he just starts smiling…

i lied THREE. westworld au. marc would have SUCH a fucked up relationship to his body if he simply knew he could go in some goop and be made perfectly new again. i think he literally dreams of that happening irl so. truly body horror king in this. comically reckless. meanwhile vale is the cyborg cowboy who is like. um what if i don’t WANT parts of me replaced wholesale like a fucked up ship of theseus. what if i like being ME ??

[extraelodee]

Maybe in another universe?

what dsmp got nuked? uh anyways rocketduo christmas YEEEEAHHHHHHHHHH

( rocketduo in a kitchen with tons of christmas decorations, c!jack tasting c!niki's homemade hot cocoa "for the first time", its been a while since he had them:) he forgot how they tasted like, and c!niki? aw godbless c!niki man i love c!niki i love c!rocketduo they are so beloved )

[giuliettagaltieri]

HELLO favorite author it's nice to see you're active again godbless your wifi! I read some of the comments in your lovesickr reader stories and I just want you to know I love your version and I wouldn't want to change anything. Its a bit lighter especially after hunt for glory but they are different stories with different themes that's all sorry if its long love you

xoxo

Awe shucks! Thank you so much for the confidence boost! I have to agree with some of the comments though. I love how you guys interact with the stories and it's fun to see how everybody reacts differently to every situation. Maybe next time I should strengthen the story instead of just publishing pure delicious angst. There's a lot of plot holes in this series but it's also been one of the most fun to write. It's nice to just type scenarios without thinking of how much something affects the story.

You guys, I really appreciate comments, they're one of my favorite notifications to get, along with those reblogs with additional notes and tags. I usually don't put author's notes or the lines, "please like or reblog or support your content creators" but I do enjoy knowing your thoughts about my writing, just be nice about it, please. I'm just a girl ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১

[dorindameddler]

one thing that's very funny to me abt wyllstarion is that wyll is So out of astarions league like im sorry to all the girlies who think astarion is gods gift to the world but im not sorry at all and he isn't. However. wyll deserves everything he wants in this world and if he wants that awful little vampire then godbless may he have him

oh absolutely. i love that wyll calls astarion "a charming sort of cad, well most of the time" it's such a perfect description and captures how wyll knows that astarion is a weird freak but is charmed by him regardless which like soooo true wyll. that's the astarion experience

[creetchure]

also being trans doesn't actually mean i hate my body lol. i like my body just fine. i see it as customizable, though, love to put ink in that thang and make it undeniably mine. it's awesome. also love that i can have boobs in a skirt then choose not to the moment i don't feel like having boobs is matching the Aesthetic anymore. i just want a lil bit of facial hair now, just so i can unlock the beard customization options, pick whether i'm gonna be clean shaven or have an awful little goatee this week godbless

[girl-bateman]

I was tagged by @fre3zerbride @myheartisahouseonfire @choicesthot @godspetdog for the nine people you wanna know better thingy! Thank you guys for tagging me and sorry for taking forever to do this lmaoo. Much love xxx

There was some slight variations in the different posts I was tagged in so to make this one a single post instead of 4, I made sure all questions were included. Hope that was oki <33

Last Song: PRIDE. - Kendrick Lamar

Favourite Colour: Turquoise maybe? Like a very pale, light turquoise.

Last Movie: Happy Ending - An awful romantic comedy about a dutch couple on their thruple-journey. The guy cant communicate and the girl cant orgasm and thus she convinces her boyfriend to try out a threesome. It's the straightest movie I've watched and yet it manages to have several puss-eating scenes. Netflix never ceases to disappoint me, godbless.

Last TV Show: I'm (re)watching The Mentalist in the background as I'm writing this lmao. I'm also watching Outer Banks, Suits, Dark and Drag Race Holland.

Sweet/Spicy/Savoury: All of it, preferably in some sort of combo.

Relationship Staus: Single

Last Thing I Googled: "word for when you love inflicting pain" ; I forgot which one is sadism and which one is masochism.

Current Obsession: No idea honestly. Love and peace on planet earth? Self improvement? Accomplishing my dreams? The art of girlbossing perhaps ?

Looking Forward To: Traveling to India and (possibly) the US this spring and going to study for a semester in the Netherlands this fall !! <33 Also getting to read my own words printed !!! in a real magazine !!! Being a published author !!!

Currently reading: The God of Small Things (audiobook), The Shards (I recently got it signed <33!) and My Sister's Keeper (found it at the thrift and died of happiness)

Song stuck in head: Hey Ya! - Outcast

Favourite food: Ohhh there is too much good stuff to choose from. Maybe ramen, sushi or the vegetarian feijoada my mom makes <3

Dream trip: Solo-trip to Florence <3 I'd spend each day sitting at different cafes writing :)

Im tagging: @emmenai-kalliston, @infinite-of-sky, @matineaux, @nightmimedreams, @realbeefman, @olliecoded, @emiliosandozsequence  and anyone else who feels up for it <333