#This is mostly me begging to the void because I know im usually the one digging up old posts to pass around again gdhsjkfdsf

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

I'm hunting around for first impressions of V3 on tumblr. Does anyone know of any danganronpa-only blogs from way back? Or have really old posts they've reblogged in the past?

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Do you think they would actually enjoy the modern world? Or would they want to stay in their current time period?

Hm, well, I think that may vary depending on each suitor if I’m honest! (I’ll be excluding Sebastian from this one, only because he is a modern man and I wager he would want to stay in the mansion in order to finish his thesis) 

Under a cut bc it’s a long boi:

I think for people like Arthur and Theo, for instance--who always seem to live in the fast lane--it might not really prove much of a problem. They would continue enjoying the night life and move with their busy schedules. Tl;dr: (For them? Same shit, different day)

Vincent would likely be doing just fine given how Theo often provides assistance in places where he struggles; to promote his art, to spark intrigue in the general public and benefactors. He might be a little overwhelmed by the influx of stimuli that comes with the modern era, constant noise and interaction and movement--perhaps worry that people are losing their ability to live in the moment. (Not to mention what’s being done to the environment...) There might be a learning curve/adjustment, but I think Theo would help him ease in. Plus, it would be a little easier to promote his art given the less stringent restrictions on public exhibitions. He’d still have to work for his fame, but at least the van Goghs wouldn’t have to live in constant unease in the proximity of the cutthroat academy.  Tl;dr: (Mixed feelings, but tries to stay positive about modern times)

Dazai is more familiar with this kind of life of quick turmoil and breakneck speed, if anything he falls back into his old coping mechanisms--hello writing, drinking, and smoking. An overwhelming influx of information and suffering would probably be hard for him to manage, despite how expertly he hides it. I think I would be worried he would lose himself in the dismal reality of diminished connection with other people. Yes I’m shoving him into therapy, I want him to start living for himself and taking care of himself ffs

That isn’t to say there aren’t happy possibilities for him, just that I think he really needs to heal first. I could see him very happy in a kind of writer’s circle with people he loves and trusts; less expending his energy in a desperate attempt to fill the void and please others, more cultivating his own happiness... Tl;dr: (Positive potential, but honestly part of me thinks the past quieter/simple/rural life suits him better...he still loves meme culture tho, he finds it so expansive and creative)

Isaac is in a similar boat as Dazai, I think! He has wonderful potential as a mentor and professor, and living in a world that has a little more patience and respect for genius might help encourage him to put himself out there. That being said, I think the pace of life would exhaust him though--he is very much the kind of person that prefers to keep to himself and just puzzle and tinker. Baby boy just wants to do equations, build little inventions, and read up on the recent discoveries in astrophysics (BRUH WHEN THE IMAGE OF THE BLACK HOLE CAME OUT HE FORGOT HOW TO B R E A T H E) Napoleon is the only reason he eats anything healthy or on any kind of regular schedule s m h. Tl;dr: (Not a lot changes, honestly? He was reclusive then, he still is now--he just has more toys/academic resources. If anything he might get a little too lost in his work because of it, somebody please make sure he’s eating/sleeping/socializing;;;)

Poor Jeanne is SUFFERING. Please release him from this nightmare he is begging. Jk jk, I don’t think it would be too bad for him--but I do think that he would have the aforementioned problem of too many stimuli and too much interaction. I think he would ease into it a little with Mozart’s help; he would just be awkward and wooden until he got the hang of it. Most people just find him quirky in an amusing way, and don’t think too hard about it. I’d wager he’d probably become literate at this point because of the abundance of resources and necessity to read/write (okay but imagine this baby with a little kid workbook iM GONNA CRY!!! TAKE ALL MY CRAYONS JEANNE). 

Can you imagine this mofo at a Starbucks??? Tall and stoic, dark and debonair (EVERYONE IS S W O O N I N G), and he just asks in a light tenor “can I have a mocha with eight shots of expresso” with a completely straight face. “Sir, that could kill you” “Don’t worry, I’ve been dead a long time” And he just moves to wait for his order. 11/10 cryptid I could watch an entire show just about his daily adventures

He works with Napoleon a lot given their similar skillsets. They coach kids at high schools that have fencing teams (it’s really REALLY cute bc if they’re on the younger side, Jeanne will very dramatically lose bc he wants to encourage them and the kids are delighted--but the parents are INCHES from laughing so hard they’re in tears). Otherwise, he mostly takes up gigs as a security worker/bodyguard, only really works for the money. He prefers to spend his time in ways that feel meaningful if he can, so don’t be surprised if you see him in foster homes and in social working spaces. He has an uncanny understanding about him, a kind of silence/patience that doesn’t stifle; it makes the kids/teens calm down in milliseconds. They really listen when he does talk, and he sets good and clear boundaries--he knows how to be firm when it’s required. He gives them the structure and placid grounding they’ve never had, and really pays attention to what’s important to them. Brings them little things he notices; brings flowers to the one that likes to draw, brings CDs (he is bad with technology, but they usually only have access to older/outdated stuff anyway) to the one the one that struggles to write with white noise in the house, brings little plushies to the ones that lose theirs. He’s simple but solid, and he finds a lot of meaning in helping kids overcome the similar kind of struggles he faced.  Tl;dr: (Steep learning curve, but he just sees it as all the same really--just more work to be done with the literacy requirement and adjustment to technology. Will be resistant at first, but when he gets accustomed and starts finding people who are important to him, he wouldn’t want to change anything/go back. But will admit there are some days he just wants to go to the most remote place he can access and just live there for a month with no human interaction whatsoever; people are inefficient and insufferable sometimes)

Mozart’s life honestly doesn’t change much? I feel like he would easily be able to keep composing and continue releasing his work as per usual. Given his quick capacity to schmooze and say what people want to hear when he must, he’d be more than able to network his way into success. I think the only thing he might struggle with now and again is inspiration, given the world operates on a very surface level in the modern era sometimes. Profound insight and depth are not quite as cultivated in many ways, and he can struggle to find something that just sparks motivation/novelty in his mind, makes him start composing at breakneck speed. He reads a lot and watches some TV shows/movies when he’s at really low inspiration levels, the kind of guy that sneers at Game of Thrones--but finds things like BBC’s Sherlock more passable (wants intrigue and complexity, doesn’t much enjoy the sensationalized drivel). When Arthur finds out he loves ATLA he about falls off his seat. “It’s a children’s show.” “Yes it is, with a remarkable level of depth and craftsmanship, what are you trying to say?” He begins to find a kind of rhythm in his composing, and Jeanne and Dazai often drop by with so many crazy stories he finds himself filled with music anyway LMAO Tl;dr: (Same as Isaac, really just keeps doing his thing without being impeded, and he enjoys the luxuries/conveniences of the modern era. Will be slightly resistant at first because of how alien some of the changes are, but will fall into the habits/customs slowly and surely. Fine with it, will whine a bit at the growing pains tho)

Leonardo actually canonically owns a bar, and does that really surprise anyone? He really enjoys the excitement of meeting new people and hearing about their myriad histories, the influx of cultures/languages/experiences. It’s a nice but lowkey place, people stop for a drink, listen to some good music--chat amiably and relax after a long day’s work--before heading out. There are regulars and people that just stop for that single day; tourists, vacationers, so on and so forth.

When asked, many people note a sleek black cat with sharp eyes that led them to the bar... Tl;dr: (Don’t Let the Existential Dread Set-in: The Prequel, adapts well to the modern era because of centuries of experience but also...he’s so tired...somebody please hold him I can’t watch him live like this, lord jesus)

Optimally, I see Comte filling his time with myriad pursuits; ranging from philanthropy, indulging in art/music/theatre (often a benefactor as well), and keeping track of his chirren (they may exist more independently now, but he still worries about them ;-;). Otherwise nothing much changes for him, still goes to galas and fancy gatherings, still enjoys fashion and spoiling people, still seeks to occupy himself with social interaction and care-taking--if he doesn’t have a family of his own. He’s basically just that meme that’s like DON’T LET THE EXISTENTIAL DREAD SET-IN. DON’T LET IT SET-IN!!!!!!!!! Tl;dr: (Not to repeat myself but also Don’t Let the Existential Dread Set-in: The Sequel, literally just desperately trying to fill the void please somebody help him he also just needs to be held fuck’s sake, I’m going to drag him kicking and screaming into happiness--but otherwise has no great trouble adjusting to the modern era. I feel like he would have a more minor form of what Dazai struggles with, maybe a lack of personable connection that he once had; fewer chances to be himself and relax. Also probably worried about the increasing unhappiness and turmoil building in the world in general...)

Napoleon is similar to Comte in that he often checks up on Isaac and Jeanne from time to time, and does the aforementioned fencing lessons with kids. He also takes a lot of basic security positions--for venues, concerts, museums--you name it. He dislikes the idea of sitting behind a desk a lot, so he prefers to do a lot of different things; he even cooks from time to time at the restaurants  that know him very well. One gig he particularly enjoys is battle choreography for movies/theatre! He tends to stay away from anything too historically close to his era of origin, but he has fun coming up with realistic (smaller scale) hand-to-hand combat scenarios and duels. Tl;dr: (This era doesn’t feel like too much of a change. It’s a little more intensive in terms of pace, but he manages to keep up pretty well, it just exhausts him from time to time--and he usually goes on trips or hikes to unwind when he needs to like Jeanne LOL they do not go to their happy place, they go to their high lonesome place).

Shakespeare also continues to do his drama thing, organizes troupes on tons of different levels--from community level to more intense, skilled groups that re-enact his own work. His life doesn’t change all that much beyond a new form of theatre logistics, and he adjusts to the technology fairly easily out of necessity. He’ll stop by Vincent’s place from time to time to show him recordings of his latest shows, but otherwise is almost always on the move. Tl;dr: (So long as he can keep following his greatest passion, he doesn’t really mind the changes in how theatre happens--he doesn’t have any sizable issues with the modern era.)

Ability with technology (phones mostly):

Arthur: more than capable, well-versed, loves to do everything on his phone no prob--maybe lives a little too much on his phone (Vine/TikTok/Youtube can kill his productivity RIP) also yes he has a fidget spinner on his desk, no I will not be taking any constructive criticism at this time

Theo: yes but with a lot of cursing at first, had to do it for work and now looks down on anyone that can’t keep up with him (except for Vincent)

Vincent: knows the basics, taking and sending pictures, writing things in notes for later, texting (tho sending emails is a little harder for him); he does his best but he can be slow. Really really enjoys the paint programs on his iPad for when he’s on public transit, but he starts setting alarms after he gets the hang of it (he’s missed his stops before because of it LMAO)

Leonardo: what kind of stupid question? Man knows how to pick them apart and put ‘em back together for crying out loud, uses it like a pro--comes to him naturally, and he’s the guy that keeps coming up with ways to jailbreak Apple products and thwart their money-grubbing tactics. Catch him playing Minish Cap on his emulator on the way to work, brah

Comte: just vibing, keeps up with the times easily since he’s been doing it for so long, much like Theo uses it to keep in touch with the people around him--he’s the “prefers to call instead of text” sorta guy though, he worries about losing emotional subtleties and he likes to hear people’s voices. Doesn’t do anything special on phones, more just a tool; will read/listen to podcasts/does have emulators (courtesy of Leo) and enjoys playing Pokemon when he’s bored

Jeanne: types one finger at a time, it will take a while--but he’ll get there (deleted all his contacts by accident once and Mozart was just. HOW.) He barely knows how to use a phone, and it’s a steep learning curve for him

Mozart: purely functional when it comes to his phone, refuses to rely on it beyond the necessities that only tech can do (for instance, sending emails or reading articles or uploading compositions) he still writes his music before making more polished digital copies. He will sometimes listen to pieces digitally, but prefers to play them in-person; he feels that a lot of the soul in a piece is lost despite the convenience

Dazai: you absolute fools. you baboons. why would you ever give him this kind of power. it is 3AM and he has been on a wikipedia trail spanning hours, started with Cleopatra being the seventh in her line with that name all the way to cotton candy being called “daddy’s beard” in French. please help him he hasn’t slept in years. Also probably binges anime and manga lbr. He’s the one making vine references every other second, always up to date on the memes^TM

Isaac: also mostly uses it as a tool for research and calculations; it’s a way to keep track of information. He also likes to play background music while he’s working, so he finds the device nice and convenient--plus less having to go around pestering people in-person. he does start to get interested in coding and tinkering with apps/programs eventually, too

Shakespeare: finds it a delightful little contraption, so useful because it lets him jot down ideas as they come to him quickly, and he can edit his texts much more easily with digital interfaces. also likes that performances can be recorded, because now he can analyze his staging more efficiently--it gives him a good sense of what needs to be adjusted, and encourages him to keep streamlining/try new concepts

Napoleon: likes it because he can keep in touch with people more easily, the kind of guy to drop a line before checking on a friend. he really likes to look up recipes and find out more about cooking techniques he’s never encountered before. Isaac starts making an Instagram account just to show Napoleon’s impeccable plating, and Napo gets quite the following without knowing for a while

[ofmerrit]

*  ◜  kristine froseth  ,  cis  woman  &  she/her  ◞  *  according  to  school  records  ,  that’s  merrit  antonietta  unn  hornsby  walking  on  campus  grounds  with  their  usual  iced-americano  from  the ancient  grounds  cafe  .  they’re  known  for  their  long  ,  dark  blonde  locks  outshining  their  surprisingly  tall  figure   and  are  often  spotted  at   the  versailles  garden  reading  wild  geese  by  mary  oliver  .  almost  everyone  knows  their  family  is  worth  like  1.2  billion  dollars  ,  so  we  suspect  they’re  a  member  of   olympus   ,  you  know  ,  the  one  for  old   money  .  do  you  know  where  they  were  the  night  that  the  scholarship  student  died  ?  they  claim  they  were  touring  around  the  campus  for  inspiration  ,  must  be  an  architecture major  thing  ,  right  .  and  hey  ,  don’t  you  agree  that  the  sophomore  reminds  you  of  muffled  screams  into  silk  pillows  ,  the  bellyache  you  get  after  doing  something  wrong  &  vacant smiles ?  you  better  watch  out  h e s t i a  before  something  dangerous  happens  to  you  and  life  ends  at  twenty-two  .  *  ◜  barb  ,  twenty-two  ,  gmt +3  &  she / her  ◞  *

alright alright . it’s me , wrinkle free brain bar from gmt +3 !! so pumped to be here w you sexies mwah <3 here’s merrit’s pinterest board if you’re interested ( pls im a virgo n pinterest addict .. lemme make boards for our muses .. id d*e ! ) imma . bore u to de*th w this intro pls .. forgive me .. i only hav 2 brain cells , this is all over the place HDFJK rip </3 tw: kidnapping, death.

starting w the boring statistics :     full name: merrit antonietta ‘antonia’ unn hornsby     nicknames: mer, antonia, ant, tbc.     code name: hestia ; the goddess of hearth , the family , the state & the domesticity.      star sign: libra sun , virgo moon , scorpio rising.     sexuality: bisexual.     favourite literature piece: wild geese by mary oliver ,  an anthology .                                              “meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,                                              are heading home again.                                              whoever you are, no matter how lonely,                                              the world offers itself to your imagination,                                              calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting                                              over and over announcing your place                                              in the family of things.”

merrit is the only child of the young hornsby couple. she doesn’t remember much of her childhood, according to her grandma, she was the happiest kid. had everything she could ever ask for and more. 

the reason why merrit can’t remember any of this is the beginning of a tragedy — a stormy december night, she and her parents went missing. grandma says they were gone for over five months. a kidnapping case gone cold, they thought. right when the old couple was giving up on them, an angel from above delivered antonia to their door step. malnourished, void of any memory but alive.

life after losing her parents was easier than expected, grandma hornsby ( nee du pont ) made sure merrit would recover from this without any trauma & in a way, she did.

doesn’t have the best relationship with her grandpa, he’s harsh and cranky and too smart for his own good, merrit is lowkey afraid of him lmfao 

she’s currently studying architecture — her dream major was interior design but grandpa encouraged her to pursue architecture to follow her father’s footsteps.  kinda made sense because she’s fascinated by houses .. in reality the insides, the families living there are the real source of interest for her but she’s happy to settle for outside for now gshdjkf

personality stuff !!!

uMM.... i’d say she’s lowkey a people pleaser sdhjkf like ?? making her grandparents proud is . literally the only thing she’s ever wanted in this world n now she feels the same responsibility for every single soul in her life . a torturous existence if you ask me 

can’t say no <3  if she thinks its gonna make u feel a tiny bit better . boom . she’s in .

the friend you’d call to bury a body . no questions asked . she’s pickin up the shovel as you speak asdghfjk unless it’s between her grandparents n you, then *michael scott vc* how the turntables.... sdhjfk shes rattin u out instantly rip

LOVES to talk n listen . fills her heart with joy . a blabbermouth . 

an overachiever . doesn’t sleep much, rocks the dark circles 7/24 lmfao works bc doesn’t like the idea of .. wasting life if that makes sense ??

loyal 2 a fault. mostly to olympus. wld do anything to stay in the secret society / establish her place .

extremely gentle n caring . sometimes ?? its just . too much sdjkf like. tone it down <3

likes poetry ,, especially mary oliver n louise glück ! her fav poem is the orange by wendy cope.

i imagine her wearing flowy, tulle dresses with floral embroidery or vintage pieces idk 

has shit ton of plants but struggles to keep them alive rip

!!! im . terrible at explaining her fr i hate it here ok i hav a vision but ??? i cant explain it

safe 2 say shes having difficulty deciding who she’s supposed to be . a part of her wants to be the golden child for her grandparents n the other side .. jst wants to live her life y’know ??? 

UPDATE ! i’ve realised that by hiding her secret, i also unintentionally hid a big portion of her personality and she comes across as the typical, soft & gentle soul. don’t get me wrong, she is indeed gentle and soft but she’s also volatile and deceitful !

connection ideas !!!

childhood friends - except she doesn’t remember any of it. maybe your muse thinks she’s changed. maybe they don’t care. maybe they are no longer friends . idk 

penpals - seriously ???  i imagine her as someone who writes letters jst bc they’re nostalgic n cute ??? cld be fun.

a home - i kno home’s not a person but a feeling but tell that to merrit lmao. this person’s probably the only one in the whole damn world she’d choose over her grandparents. platonic or romantic, doesn’t matter.

betrothed - super old school yikes. nt exactly betrothed either .. maybe her grandma thot it’d be better if these two were in a relationship . maybe they remained as friends . maybe they hated each other . maybe they kept the publicity stunt ( cue 2 merrit begging to keep faking the rel so her grandpa wld be happy )

exes - a classic. ts this is me trying vibes . on good or bad terms . lingering feelings ? yes please .

bad + good influence - again, classic sdhjfk

saw u at the garden but cldn’t say hi bc i’m a dumb binch - basically someone she has a minor, unrequited crush on. probably knows this person through her other friends but she’s too damn timid to take the first step

a friend from labyrinth . ok hear me out . this is a big deal for her bc she’s all in for her society n v opposed to the idea of a second one even existing . wouldn’t say shes openly mean or .. rude to labyrinth members but ?? jst . wants to protect her own , so this would be a v secret friendship .

a project - could say she has some sort of a savior complex . wants to ‘fix’ people up .. toxic much, mer? <3 anyway ashdjk maybe she thinks .. she can change your muse ? i truly dont know. 

ok final one . its juicy . someone who’s suspicious of her . she has a secret n for the obv reason i didn’t talk abt it, your muse’s suspicious n it’s just . hashtag awkward

these r the only connection ideas i have rn my brain said get tht fire exit door im off im so sorry forgive moi bUT im a sucker for angst : ) so theres that 

something inspired by my queen n savior phoebe bridgers or . folklore ?? yeah.

give me noora / william vibes . the ex friends . the dan / blair dynamic . i live for them ok sgdhfjkl

[mysmedrabbles]

RFA Comforting an MC with Terrible Period Pains

requested: by anonymous 

a/n: oh my god the header is a MOOD for this ask. enJOY and hAVE FUN READING THIS therES SO MUCHCOFFEEINMYSYSTEMHHHHH want to support my period-ic writing ayy see what i did there? then feel free to buy me a coffee!

warnings: aside from that terrible pun you just witnessed? n/a

-AAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHH mod alex

Jumin

-he finds you clutching your stomach, sweat beading your forehead as you move from uncomfortable position to uncomfortable position, mastering positions he’d figured only Elizabeth the III could do

-worry creases his forehead as he rushes to your side, touching your side gingerly, almost scared that you’ll crumble under his fingers, but all you do is let out a pained groan, unable to speak as the pounding in your head grows louder with each stab through your gut

- “mC aRe YoU dYiNg???” 

-through pained gesturing, he finally understands that you’re not dying, just going through a torture worse than death

-has no idea what to do, just lays down with you, holding your hand and rubbing soothing circles on your back

-as soon as you finally fall asleep, he’s calling the doctor, wanting a professionals opinion on how best to lessen your pain

-poor doctor in his mind is probably like, “you,,,could have looked this up,,, on your phone,, that you used,,, to call me,,,,,,,, at 1 IN THE MORNING”

-he feels awkward, not being able to help you with more than a hot bottle on your stomach and keeping you company, running his hands through your hair and massaging your temples as he sits with you, helping you the only way he knows how, by rambling about the stock market

-at some point you tune out what he’s saying, focusing on his voice and the comforting patterns hes tracing on your skin

-you can bet that he buys you the most expensive german chocolate, anything that you want, anything you crave will be imported right away and be on your front doorstep the next morning

-he most likely has a calendar app on his phone where he keeps approximate track of your cycle so that he’s always prepared to give you extra special attention and care

-when he goes on business trips that last longer than a week, he has a box specifically made, kind of like a care package containing but not limited to:

-the finest chocolate (10 different kinds! with a surplus of your favourite!)

-those emergency hospital crack-and-place heat packets, good to keep on your lower back and uterus 

-oranges and broccoli (though these tend to be in the fridge)

-with a small note on how much he loves you and will see you tonight on call, telling you to take care of yourself and leaving the doctors phone number in case of an emergency 

Jaehee

-she KNOWS the pain,, she K N O W S 

-im not saying that at some point your cycles start happening at the same time, but thats exactly what I’m saying (i have no idea how this happens irl but it does and?? idk its odd)

-so generally the two of you are sitting home together, laying sprawled on the couch, 4 Ibuprofen between the two of you as you watch Zen’s old musicals, watching Jaehee sleepily hum along as she holds you against her chest, stroking your hair and bringing up your hand to her mouth, kissing your knuckles as the two of you fall asleep together 

-she knows you have a harder time than her when your period rolls around, so she has a tendency to insist that you don’t stress yourself out at work, keeping you mostly behind the counter where you’re not carrying hot liquids for too long. 

-helping you out whenever she can, hugging you from behind as you struggle to stand on your feet, giving you momentary support as she takes the cup from your hands, instructing you to sit down

-no one has ever seen her so lenient with someone when it comes to work

-you log onto the server to gush about Jaehee, posting pictures of her running around at work, helping customers, “ThAtS mY wIFe Y’aLL”

-she has a special coffee brew that she only breaks out when you’re in severe pain, added her secret ingredient (which she refuses to tell you about) that somehow make everything better 

-practically begging her to judo kick you in the spine because goddamnit it hurts so bad (she doesn't, opting for a soothing massage instead)

-kisses and cuddles galore, she puts the care in “caring for you,” to the point where she doesn't complain about her own mediocre periods upon seeing just how bad the pain is with you (please take care of her anyways she deserves the best)

Yoosung

-listen,, this boy grew up with sisters and a mother, he’s practically a pro when it comes to helping you out

-the second he sees you rush into the restroom in a panic, he’s already getting the pill bottle and hot bottle out, doing the bed the way you like it and pulling out your favourite blanket and warm stuffed animal 

-insists to take care of you the whole time, and is willing to skip school to stay home with you,, its only after threatening him from the bed, wagging your finger weakly at him does he actually go, however he’s one to send you worrying text messages through the whole day, and silly photos of a leaf he saw or a funny cat meme

-he cooks for you like theres no tomorrow, and is always extremely apologetic when he gets home an hour later than normal due to grocery shopping, only to find you having finally fallen asleep, stuffed animal discarded neatly on the bedside table, hugging his pillow instead

-his eyes soften, heartrate slowing down as he gazes on your sleeping form

-trying his best not to disturb you, he tiptoes out of the room, getting your favourite dinner ready, and trying his best to make something with your preferred chocolate

-you hobble out of the room sleepily, the smell of food drawing you to the kitchen

-he’ll immediately drop everything, running to you as he helps you to a chair, chiding you for getting up and straining yourself when you could have just called for him

-playing video games together lazily, him joking that he should let you win, but this just drives you to beat his ass in mariokart, absolutely demolishing him with no mercy

-he sits there shell shocked as you sit next to him grinning 

Seven 

-he’s versed in over five languages, survived the worst years of his life, is number one in the Shooting Star Server, the best hacker on the planet, and yet he has no preparation on how to help you through periods

-he knows the basics, but seeing you in such pain makes him rethink everything he thought he knew

-he sees you constantly shifting, arching your back in a vain attempt to crack it, crack any bone for momentary relief, and decides this is his time to shine and help you somewhat

-he gives the best back massages, working the pressure points on your lower back, and getting out all the knots in your shoulders, pressing kisses to your shoulder blades as he goes along, fingers working on the entirety of your back.

-shares his Honey Buddha Chips with you, even letting you take three or more bags, as long as you promise to not waste any that is.

-keeps you away from spicy foods, dairy and phD pepper, his technical knowledge had gotten him that far at least, and even though you’re more than happy to eat junk food for a week straight, for the first time ever he insists on eating better, giving you foods such as salmon and oranges,, only after heavy persuasion and multiple times of you threatening him does he let you have chocolate 

-he stays with you the whole time, making sure you’re laughing and taking care of yourself, trying his best to ease the pain with terrible terrible jokes and horrible Saeran impressions

-he knows that you dont like having a heating pad on your stomach because its so weird barely being able to move and having to stay in one place, so he places his laptop on your stomach, letting it overheat on your pelvic area as the two of you play fireboy and watergirl

Zen

-before we start i just wanna say Zen is 100% the type of guy who would hold no disgust or immature “ew thats icky”type attitude to the thought of buying his s/o menstrual products and he looks down on any man that does have that attitude

-he’s not quite versed in how to help you, but he’s a fast learner, and would rather rely on your own reactions to his help and seeing what works for you as opposed to just asking the void that is the internet what is supposed to help

-he’s one to carry you everywhere while you’re on your period, not letting you strain yourself for fear you’ll get off balance, fall and hurt yourself, and he’s constantly referencing you as his prince(ss), even more than usual

-singing you to sleep, letting his melodious voice wash over you as he holds you close, letting his natural body warmth keep you warm

-strokes your hair as you lay down, exhausted from all the pain, your body physically not able to stay awake anymore, practically blacking out

-if you cry, he’ll hold you, massaging your back and whispering soft comforts in your ear, but inside he’s pained by the distress this is causing you, and is mainly frustrated that he can’t do more

-sometimes he wakes up early in the morning to go for a jog or get breakfast for the two of you, and he’ll leave multiple sticky notes with sweet messages, ensuring that he’ll be back soon and to take it easy until he’s back home

-this man with Refuse to let you strain yourself in Any way, and will drop Everything to run over if he sees you so much as bending over to pick up something, practically throwing himself over the dropped item and insisting to pick it up for you

[thathumanwiththecatears]

I feel like venting so this will be way too much information about my life that i am sharing on the internet because why have a private diary when you can publicly scream your problems into the void

So basically, both of my parents kinda suck. They arent the worst, but they also just kinda suck :) So before i was born my parents had my sister. And between me and my sister my mom had a miscarriage. I dont know details of that, but i know it happened. I also know that my parents were not going to have me because of not just that but also they were already not getting along very well. But then they changed their mind for some god forsaken reason (i was not an accident i was planned) and now i exist.

My parents were at the point of hating each other before i was born. They divorced when i turned 18 literally, when i turned 18 my dad started slowly taking his stuff and moving out over a few months until he was fully gone and filed for divorce. I will talk about that later. But the point of saying that now, is that ny parents hated each other for 18 years, and for some fucking idiotic reason decided it was a good idea to stay together.

I have lived in three places. My first house was this apartment where it was a 2 family house, but like first floor second floor rather than next to each other. My family lived on the first floor, my cousins family lived on the second floor. My second place was the second floor of my grandparents house and now in my current apartment been here for like 8 years.

I am usually one to say i dont remember my childhood. Thats because i have repressed it. I have few memories and they are usually bad. My parents never “hit” me so to speak. Not in the /actual abuse/ way, but i was spanked and slapped by my mom. She likes to laugh about it to people still now. Thinks its funny that she could say ”do i need to take you to the ladies room?” To me and i would stop crying. One of the biggest phrases that sticks with me is “stop crying or i will give you a reason to cry” it still hurts even now just thinking about it. The number of times i could be crying over something that to me would be a lot and have that screamed at me with hand raised is just terrible.

A specific memory that i have is on i belive either my 5th or 6th birthday, i was wearing a velvet burgundy and black dress with buttons up the middle and matching burgundy headband. I dont rememver why, but i know that something upset me and i was crying, and i was yelled at to stop crying, and i remember sitting in my room before my party trying to stop crying and make myself look okay. I had a lot of birthdays like that. Kinda why i really dont like my birthday, but it also breaks my heart whenever my birthday is ruined, cause im always a little hopeful it wont be.

Some other memories i have involve being yelled at to clean. I had a lot of pressure on me and i was never good enough. Always did something wrong. I would cry at night and wish that i could just be perfect. I didnt wish things would stop happening, i wished i could become perfect and stop messing up and do everything that was asked of me. I had to do a lot. My sister didnt, my sister was the favorite. I have always known she was the favorite. Was always treated better, always had her side taken, always was the good child, the pretty child. I delt with a lot of anger and fighting with my sister, we really didnt get along. And i think part of the reason she was the favorite was because she would always intentionally make me mad so that i would end up fighting her. I punched and kicked her, she did the same to me but i was worse. I once had her locked into a corner and was hitting her until we got in trouble. I cried in the corner for a few hours after being the only one punished.

When i was little i had already been depressed and suicidal. When i was six i wanted to be left alone to die in my room. I locked myself in and cried with music playing. My mom screamed at me that i would be taken away. Being taken away was threatened a lot. And i remember her screaming asking me if that was what i wanted. And everytime in my head i screamed yes. But i said no on the outside.

I remember hearing screaming always. My parents were always fighting, over money mostly. My mom telling my dad how worthless he was and how he didnt provide for my family. And my dad wasn’t innocent. He could have done more, but he still didnt deserve the abusive words. He was told he was worthless for years. No one deserves that. They wouldnt just be screaming at each other though. They would be screaming at me and my sister too. I flinch whenever my door is opened still because of how my mom used to slam my door open and yell at me. I flinch a lot.

In middle school i mostly lived at my grandparents. With my parents also there though. My nana and papa lived downstairs and we lived upstairs, there was only one kitchen and bathroom though both downstairs so it wasnt like an apartment. This sucked too. My nana liked my sister better. Actually she was the favorite of all the cousins. We would all talk about it, well except her. My dad would also get into fights with my grandparents. They were my moms parents and because they sided with my mom for obvious reasons, he wouldnt get along with them always.

I remember specifically sleeping on the black leather couch while home sick, up in our living room on the second floor. Watching disney jr. i stayed home sick a lot. Not because i was sick but because i was too depressed to go to school and really good at pretending to be sick.

When in 8th grade my health teacher noticed that i was depressed. He was the first person to notice. And he had me show my parents a pamphlet about it. My mom took me to a therapist. But you see, im selectively mute. I didnt know yet though, so it just came across as not wanting to talk. My mom would go with me. She would always be there, she would talk for me. She and the therapist would talk about me as i sat there unable to speak screaming about how wrong they were in my head. Eventually it was just me in the room. But i still couldnt talk freely. My mom would be told everything. All of my issues stemmed from her. I tried to bring it up once. My mom cried, made it all about her, cried about how she was a terrible mother, i was forced to tell her she wasnt and push down all of my problems and just be forced to live with that just being how it is. I cant talk about it because i dont matter. My feelings didnt matter and they never will. My goal was to just make my mom happy and not worry about myself. I just had to be perfect.

My grandparents sold the house from underneath us and we were forced to find another place. My current place. I liked it when we got here it was nice. There was a time while living here where my mom didnt have a job. That sucked a lot. She was always home. Always yelling at me. I couldnt get away. I almost never leave my room now because i have become so accustomed to just being in it. I have a vivid memory here. My bed was on a different wall of my room. I dont remember what we were fighting about. But i think what happened might have actually gotten to my mom for once. She was screaming at me and i went into my room and she followed me. I ended up on my bed as far as i could get from her crunched up into a ball saying “please dont hit me” over abd over while crying. I dont remember what happened immediately after but i do remember she left and i cried a lot.

I also remember when my sister found a paper towel with blood on it in my room. She told my mom. The worst possible thing she could have done because it lead to screaming and making things worse. I was threatened to be sent away. A big theme in this whole thing, getting sent away. I have a big fear of that still. Fear of doctors and hospitals and therapists and mental hospitals. I was threatened with them so much so that makes sense.

Once me and my sister got in a fight with my mom together. My mom later decided it would be a good idea to call us both out and tell us about how ungrateful and terrible we were and that she clould just kick us out and that she didnt owe us anything. I had a panic attack. The first time i had ever had one in front of her. I couldnt breath. I sobbed. I went to my room and fell to the floor behind the door hysterically crying and panicking. She screamed at me to stop and threatened to call 911. That for obvious reasons made it worse and made me have to force myself to get words out begging her not to and to just leave me alone so that i could calm down. Which she hated because to her she just heard “go away” as if i was just being a bratt. I eventually managed to get myself calmed down enough to semi explain what happened and got away to my room alone.

As i said earlier my dad left when i turned 18. It broke my heart when i realized that it was literally because of the fact that i had turned 18. You see in my dads eyes, he couldnt leave sooner because he didnt want to walk out on me and my sister. I think if they had just divorced sooner things would have gone better. I wouldnt have had to deal with hearing screaming all night every night for my entire life if they had. But i can understand why he didn’t want to leave. He still could have left when i turned 18 in a better way though at least. He basically snuck out. Spent less and less time at home until he wasnt coming home until all his stuff was gone. I cried about it but i was glad he got away from my mom. But him getting away from my mom made life worse for me. She no longer had him to scream at, and she didnt scream at my sister as much, it was all concentrated to me. Everything was a reason to scream at me. It has died down now. Other than a few days ago when she threatened to take away my phone and laptop and basically all connections to the outside world. If she did i would have left. She refuses to actually let me get freedom. She is trying to hold on. I cant drive, i dont have a job, i dont have any money. She doesnt want me to leave. If i leave she doesnt have anyone to control anymore.

This obviously isnt my entire life and everything, but its just the stuff i thought of now. Its almost 8:30am and i havent slept, so i should probably do that now. But yeah. Thats my vent fo the day.

[caprouletterenaissancecathe-blog]

RAHM PISTIS. A GENESIS. NOTES & REFERENCES

"You're Biggest Fear Will Be The Rescue Of You...Strange How It Turns Out That Way..." #SuchGreatHeights #ExemplarWisdom "Can You Show Me Dear, Something Im Not Seeing.." #Mirror #Truths #StayGold It Isnt By Mistake That I Used Incubus,& First Things First, I Tend To Rhyme But Often Times It Wont Be On Purpose. Especially Now That Im Starting This Process, Exposing My Thoughts. The Way I Express Myself-- In Pursuit Of Understanding, I Have To Sort Through My Complex To Find The Words In Me. I Originally Wanted To Type Conscious, But My History Corrected It. I Corrected Me. Truly. Though I Wasnt Wrong To Begin With. Both Words Represent & Convey What I Meant. So Either Way, Whichever One I Choosed, Would Have Still Been Right, So I Left It. Its Funny That Im My Own Suggestion. My Mistakes Are Poetic. Ive Learned Through Lessened. I Trust Myself Now, All Mistakes Are Meanted. Me, This..I Always Find The Answers To My Questions, Usually Pronounced As Parallell Double Meanings, Its The Only Way I Ever Find Comprehension. I Have To Play Ring Around The Rosies With My Mind's Logic, All The Mirrors, Reflections, Whats Reflected. I Travel Through The Maze In My Mind To Express It. The Realizations I Achieve Are Never Simple. I Dnt Know Why I Must Always Go Into Such Depth, Its Always Been Exhausting For Me To Express Myself. Decoding and Trying To Find The Purpose Of My Life. The Turmoil That Has Happens To Me. Or The Void I Host, & All Of Which Complexes Me. My Suggestion Was Perplexing. Equally. You Dnt Understand Now. But I Plan On Trying To Make Sense Of It. Often Times I Give Up On My Explanations, Or Leave Them Uncomplete Whenever I Know Someone Else's Eyes Will See. Im Exhausted Already, Because I Only Know How To Be Diffcult.I Focus On Everything, I Know Nothing, I Know Everything. Second Guesses. Double Meanings. And Sometimes When I Try To Describe It, I Tend To Repeat Myself, Or Sway Away From The Task Or The Point I Was Trying To Make, But I Promise It'll Come Full Circle. The Overwhelming Maze Of My Interpretations, Im Lost In It. Finding My Answers, Purpose, And Clarity Whenever I Was Alone Or Writing In My Diary. It Became A Portal, A Tool To Decipher The Realms In My Mind. But Why? Every Heading Starting Off As Dear You, Not Sure If I Was Talking To Myself, Him, Or Maybe To You. Dear You, Notes To Myself, Dear You, Im Contemplating Him.Sometimes Im Not Sure If Its Me Or You Im Talking To, Mostly You, But I Kept A Record For Me. I Plan To Illustrate My Discoveries. I Am Aware Of Myself After Spending Time In The Dark & In Search Of Seven...Thinking Back As I Recall That Mirror Of Time, I Used To Pray/ Beg/Ask God To Grant Me, Wisdom & Knowledge.I Was Only 13, Philosophy Allured Me. I'm Not Sure Why I Wanted To Gain Such Intellect. I Know Why, But This Is Already Gotten Out Of Hand. I Want To At Least Finish This, This Entry. Literally and Figuratively. Especially Before I Change My Mind. I Speak In Twos. A Dual Of Dualities, That Combat & Agree. Parallel, Not Intersecting. This Leads Into Another Mirror, Eventually. Initially This Passage Was Just Meant To Be A Intro, Just To Give You An Idea Of What I Plan To Reveal, What I Think. But I Go Into The Deep End, I Dnt Know Of Any Shallow Methods. Even When I Try To Myself Back. Its Uncontested, Uncontrolled. My History Leaves Me Suggestions. You Hold All The Answers Within You That You Seek. Your Calling, Constantly Calls You, Leaving Messages, Even When You Try To Ignore It, Just Wait Till It Finally Reaches You. As It Did Me. Im Not Sure If I Answered It, Or It Answered Me. I Think Both. I Know. Descartes. Socrates. I Wish It Was Easy, I Didnt Know What I Was Praying For All Those Years, In My Teens. I Mean I Did, But I Didn't. I Cant Ignore Details, I Find Purpose In The Nothing, There's Importance In My Parenthesis. I Prefer Being Unrevised. Its More Sincere. I Didnt Plan On Going This Far, Not Just Yet. I Keep Pausing,This Is Really Intimate To Me. My Philosophy. I Feel Scared. Ive Never Shared What I Will Now, I Will Try To Defeat This Feeling. I Want To Share What Ive Written To The World & I Want To Delete This. Its Already Too Much, And I Have A Headache. Never Easy, I Can Never Skip To The Point, Because These Declaration Cannot Be Briefed. Its Going To Be Alot Of Content. Using Metaphoric Context, Alternative References And Analogies To Better Throne Significances. Anything Less Denotes. All Of What Ive Written Will Collaborate In Conclusion. Eventually. Eventually. At First It Is Seemingly Nonsensical. But You'll Get It. It Madness. Sometimes The Truth Contradicts Itself. Either, Or, Can Mean The Same Thing, Both Terms Can Stand Alone, But Are Better Exemplified When/If You Understand The Double Meanings. Me Writing Just This; Makes Me Feel, Uncomfortable. It Feels Like A Risk. It Is. And I Already Regret It. You won't find closure in this entry, this an opening , im so happy that i sort of feel satisfied to stop here for now, i dnt want to go back and reread what i wrote though. Id feel foolish, i dnt think you'll get it. Plus im very impatient. Youll learn that too about me. and if i delete this ive wasted time. I feel drained now, lower case.