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#This is kind of my hope for a better tomorrow
myokk · 19 hours
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d-lmthael · 3 days
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Donation protected
I am Imtithal from North Gaza, I share with you the deep sorrow of my family from Gaza, so I created this campaign for him to try to help him and his family. I know that donations are not easy in these times, but I believe that every contribution has the power to change someone's life.
That is why I am participating in this campaign
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with all my faith, not only to keep them saved, but also to protect their dreams and help them get out of Gaza. I am Imtithal from Gaza, I lost all my dreams and my job as a dentist, I lost my home, I lost my brother Obaida who was killed and he had young children, and my family lost their entire livelihood because of this war in Gaza. We live in miserable conditions and live in poor conditions with my family of 35, most of whom are young children. We are always trying hard to provide a living as hunger and thirst kill us. The scene continues, full of depression, sadness, fear and horror. The siege imposed on us, the
genocide that follows us, all kinds of torment and suffering, the spread of diseases, all of this and more kills life in Gaza, kills our existence, and our lives have turned into an endless nightmare, amidst hopes hanging by a thin thread. We are suffering now, and we do not know what tomorrow will bring. We do not know when this war will end!!! Because we have lost everything beautiful, we are about to lose more. We face harsh conditions and a dark future for our lives, displacement, poverty and pain. But there is a glimmer of hope with your help and generous donations. We can leave Gaza and build a new life and rise from the rubble. Every small donation can make a big difference. That is why I seek through your donations. To get out at a time when an individual pays huge sums of money ranging between ($5,000, $10,000) per person. My family and I are in dire need to get out of Gaza so that we do not lose our lives, and we also need to rebuild our lives again, so that we can rise and return as we were. A new home, the opening 
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Grew in my Heart
It's finally done you guys!!!! This is my take on a foster Pony au, loosely based on this idea from @freak-l0rd-certifed. It's currently unedited but I'll post it here anyways, and then cross post an edited version on my ao3. @pepsicurtis asked to be tagged when it was done based on a snippet I posted earlier, so here you go. This is part 1, part 2 is fully written and will be up tomorrow.
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The lady on the other side of the room is watching him.
That’s okay though. Ponyboy is used to people watching him. Social workers, foster parents, group home staff, police. Everyone watches him all the time but nobody cares, cares for him or about him, so Ponyboy doesn’t mind this lady joining in. He knows he looks weird, with his sticky out ears and the patchy haircut Mr. Fuller gave him and the bruise around his eye. So he understands why this lady is watching him, and doesn't begrudge her for it.  Besides, she looks like a nice lady. Nice ladies don’t usually watch him. If they do they don’t usually look at him with the kindness glowing in the woman’s shining green eyes.
The lady smiles at him and he ducks back into his book, ears burning. She wasn’t supposed to catch him looking.
When he peeks over the top of his copy of Great Expectation a minute later, she’s still watching him, smiling in a way Ponyboy would call amusement if he didn’t know better. He quickly hides again, cursing himself for drawing notice. It’s never a good thing. Never. Better he stay quiet, stay invisible. Invisible kids didn’t get hurt.
He hopes Ms. Summers will come back soon and take him to wherever he’ll be staying next, if only so that he can leave the waiting room, escape from where this nice lady and her nice family are no doubt waiting for them to bring a brand new baby to adopt. Probably one only a few days old, something sweet and cute and new they could love and pamper. Nice people only ever came to the child services offices to pick up babies. Anyone who came to pick up kids was usually about as nice as the people who dropped them off. 
He goes back to his book. Usually it’s easy to escape into the story where he can pretend to be a knight or a hero or anything but stupid, small, unwanted Ponyboy Hewitt, but he can’t seem to concentrate today. It’s not just because of the nice looking lady with the green eyes who keeps watching him, keeping an eye on him the same way she’s been keeping an eye on the three boys who came in with her. His head is also aching something fierce. That last knock from Mr. Fuller was kind of hard. 
Hard enough Ms.Summers thought he should move again anyway.
“Quit fidgeting, Soda,” an authoritative voice from the other side of the room says, and Ponyboy can’t help but glance over. He tells himself it’s because the speaker was kind of loud, but he knows deep down that’s not the case. It’s not because the boy is loud, it’s because he’s cool. He’s a lot bigger than Pony is, and older too, with wavy brown hair and broad shoulders. He could probably look Mr.Fuller square in the face and never be scared, not ever. “We have to show we’re the perfect family or they won’t let us keep Johnny.”
“Really?” The boy who answers has golden blond hair and rosy cheeks with a dimple high in one corner. Pony never really understood what books meant when they talked about eyes twinkling until the boy had pranced into the office a few minutes before, looking like a prince straight from a fairytale. His eyes aren’t twinkling now though: instead, they’re shining with worry. His shadow, a smaller boy with jet black hair and tan skin, looks the same, eyes wide and terrified in his peaked face. “They can’t do that just ‘cause I’m sittin’ wrong, can they mom?”
He turns anxiously to the nice lady who smiles and smooths down his hair.
“Of course not honey,” she soothes, “we don’t gotta prove we’re perfect to keep Johnny, we just gotta prove we love him. And we do.”
She turns her smile on the dark haired boy who flushes and ducks his head shyly, looking unfathomably pleased. Ponyboy swallows hard and looks away, his own ears reddening. It’s not fair for him to hate the dark haired boy, he knows it isn’t, but it doesn’t matter. In that moment, he kind of hates him anyway. 
The woman’s gentle smile has confirmed what he suspected all along. She’s a nice mom, the kind he’s only ever read about in storybooks. She probably kisses those boys goodnight- even the big one, even if he pretended it wasn’t cool- and probably smells like cinnamon and bakes birthday cakes sometimes, puts bandages on cuts, and never slaps them, not ever. 
He wants Ms. Summers to come back. He wants to leave. He doesn’t want to sit here and watch a boy his own age get adopted by the kind of family he wishes he could have more than anything in the world. 
The blonde boy sticks his tongue out at the cool one and makes a fart noise.
“See Darry? They ain’t gonna take Johnny! You’re stupid and wrong!”
“Sodapop Patrick Curtis!” A man Ponyboy assumed must be the nice lady’s husband and the boys’ father boomed, “What have I told you about using that kind of language towards your brother?”
“That it's not how we speak to our family,” the blonde boy, Sodapop, says like he was reading off a teleprompter. Clearly, this was not the first time he’d heard that particular reprimand, “but dad, I was only defending my other brother.”
“Be that as it may,” Mr.Curtis said, “I don’t want to hear that language from you any more.” He sounded stern, but his eyes were still glinting proudly and there was a smile hiding somewhere near the corner of his mouth. Not a scary dad then. A good one.
“Yeah Soda,” the older boy, Darry, grinned, seeming unperturbed by the insult. He was real handsome, Pony thought. If he was Sodapop he’d never call that Darry boy stupid, not ever. “Save that language for socs. Or Two-bit when he’s playin’ poker against Dally.”
Sodapop laughed then, any traces of animosity disappearing, Johnny grinning quietly beside him. 
Ponyboy decides he’s done watching them be happy, and goes to the washroom.
He does his business, standing on tiptoe to reach the sink when he’s done because it’s meant for adults not for kids and there's no footstool. He can’t reach the soap, even when he jumps, so he just settles for rinsing extra long. The paper towel dispenser is also too high to reach so he dries his hands on his pants and goes back to the waiting room. 
“Oh honey, wait,” he doesn’t realize the nice lady is speaking to him until she’s kneeling in front of him, tugging his shirt from where he hadn’t noticed it had gotten twisted and tucked into his pants, pulling it out and smoothing it down nicely, “there you go. All handsome again.”
She smiles, looking like sunshine incarnate, and Ponyboy kind of wants to die.
“Thank you.” He mumbles, sure he must be redder than a tomato, then flees back to his chair on the other side of the waiting room. They’re all watching him now, the nice lady and her nice husband, and the three boys who are now all sitting in a circle on the floor, playing a game of cards. 
He opens Great Expectations to a random page and stares at it hard, trying very hard not to cry. He’s almost seven years old, he’s not a baby anymore. He will not cry just because one lady was nice to him and now her perfect family is staring at him. He won't. 
“Hi!” Suddenly, blonde, beautiful Sodapop is in front of him, grinning like Ponyboy is the best thing he’s ever seen ever, “I’m Soda. Wanna play cards with us?”
He wants to, more than anything, but he knows if he does it’ll just feel worse when they leave and he doesn’t go with them , or when Ms. Summers comes to drag him away to whoever will bother keeping him for the next few weeks, so he can’t.
He shakes his head, unable to actually say no, and Soda deflates, eager grin melting into an unhappy pout, shoulders curling forward, and the twinkle in his eye dimming. He looks like Pony just ruined his whole day with one shake of his head. 
“Ok,” he sighs, dramatic and world weary, and it would seem like an act if his eyes weren’t entirely genuine, “if you change your mind, you can c’mon over anytime. It would be so much more fun with another person.”
He rejoins the other two boys who shoot curious looks Pony’s way, but he ignores them, looking back at his book. He’s not reading though. He can’t. Instead he’s listening to the boys playing cards, wishing more than anything that he could join them.
“I win.” Dark haired Johnny proclaims for the third time and Soda throws down his cards with a dramatic groan, while Darry just laughs. He seems real nice, not like the big boys at the group homes who liked to steal Pony’s books and shove him around. He hadn’t gotten mad at Soda or Johnny even once, not even when they were playing Go Fish and Soda cheated by peeking at his cards. 
“You little shark,” Darry ruffled Johnny's dark hair, the smaller boy flinching a little before leaning into the touch, “how do you keep doin’ that, huh?”
Johnny shrugged. “It’s a secret.”
“You’re cheatin’!” Soda accused.
“Am not!”
“Are too! No one wins as much as you.”
“I’m just good at cards without cheatin’.”
Soda huffed. “You’re lucky you’re my brother now or I’d fight you.”
“I’d win.” Johnny boasts, and suddenly he looks fierce, chin jutting and eyes fiery, like every kid in every home who fought grownups and just ended up beaten down worse. 
“That’s enough,” Darry pulls the two apart, practically picking them each up with one hand, “quit arguin' or I’m putin’ the cards away.”
“No!” Soda throws himself to the ground, arm draped dramatically across his forehead, “I’ll die of boredom!”
“Then sit up and be good,” Darry tells him, and Soda scrambles to do as he’s told. Pony feels his own spine straightening. It’s just because he’s tired, he tells himself.  It has nothing to do with wanting Darry to look at him with the same approval he looks at Soda and Johnny with. He needs to stretch out a bit, that’s all.
“Y’know,” Darry says, disarmingly casual, easily shuffling the cards the way Pony always wanted to but could never manage, the movement too deft for his clumsy fingers, “there's so many more games we could play with four players.” 
If he didn’t know better Pony would swear Darry was looking at him sideways as he said it, grinning conspiratorially like they were sharing a joke. 
“Euchre…gin rummy…spades…signals…”
Pony’s heart jumped. He loved signals. 
It was practically another invitation right? And Soda had said he could join anytime if he changed his mind…surely one game wouldn’t hurt. 
He scoots forward a bit on the chair, considering. 
“Well?” Suddenly Darry- handsome, cool Darry- is grinning right at him, one eyebrow raised, “You in or not?”
And well….that was an actual invitation. From a big boy no less! Usually boys like Darry wanted nothing to do with him.
Pony could feel what was surely a far too eager grin spreading over his face and he nodded, quickly taking a spot on the floor in between Soda and Johnny. Darry’s grin turned triumphant, like he was the one who’d just been invited to play cards by a cool stranger. 
“Nice. What’s your name kiddo?”
“Ponyboy.” He mumbles, bracing himself for laughter that never comes. Instead Darry just nods, starting to deal cards with ease. 
“Tuff name. I’m Darry, and this here’s Johnny.” 
Pony offered a shy smile in response to Johnny’s friendly nod, earlier vitriol forgotten. It wasn’t Johnny’s fault he was lucky. Pony shouldn’t hate him for it. 
“You already met Soda.”
Darry gives Soda a fondly exasperated look, and Pony focuses very hard on the cards being dealt so he won’t have to look at their faces.
Unsure of what to say, he just nods. Luckily, Darry keeps talking.
“Well Ponyboy, I reckon since you just joined you get to pick the game.”
“R-really?”
“Sure.” Darry smiled kindly. Golly he was nice. “We’ll play a few rounds and then switch it up if any of us are getting bored.”
“Can-” Ponyboy hesitated. Darry nods, encouraging him to continue, “can we play signals?”
“Sure. You okay to be on a team with me?”
“Yes,” Pony could hardly believe his luck. Not only were they playing his favourite game, but Darry wanted to be on a team with him!
“Ok,” Soda chirped, “me’n Johnny are going over there so you don’t listen to us pick our signals like cheaters!”
“Soda!” Mr Curtis warned.
“I’m bein’ nice!”
Pony giggled. 
“Ignore him,” Darry advised, scooting over to sit beside him, “I wish I could say he’s just bein’ crazy ‘cause he’s excited, but the truth is he’s always like that. He ain’t really mean though, just has too much energy.”
“I know,” Pony tells him, “I seen mean before. He ain’t it. If he was mean he’d have taken my book or followed me to the bathroom and put my head in the toilet.”
A horrified gasp makes him jump. He’d momentarily forgotten all about sunshiney Mrs.Curtis, but now she’s staring at him in horror, eyes filled with rage. 
What did he do? Did she not want him to be telling her nice golden sons about stuff like that? 
“I-I’m sorry I-” he can feel his ears burning and wishes more than anything he’d stayed on that hard plastic chair where he was safe instead of getting drawn in by the light of the family in front of him. 
“Whoa, hey,” Darry catches him by the arm before he can scramble to his feet, grip not bruising like he’s used to but gentle, reassuring, “where are you going? We haven’t picked a signal yet.”
His smile is so hopeful. Hesitantly, Pony settles back down. 
“Ok.”
“Well?” Darry nudges him gently, carefully. It seems to Ponyboy that someone so big shouldn’t be able to do that and not hurt him just a little bit, but somehow Darry manages it. “What signal do you think we should do?”
Pony glances across the room at where Soda is gesturing exaggeratedly and talking at Johnny a mile a minute.
“Something small,” he decides, “something they won’t notice.”
“Good thinking,” Darry’s approval feels like sitting in the sunshine and eating ice cream and reading a book all at once, “how about…rubbing our noses?”
He demonstrates, rubbing a finger under his nose like he’s scratching an itch and Ponyboy nods, copying the action. 
“Perfect.”
He raises his left hand then. Taps his ear. Waits a few seconds. Taps his ear again.
“What are you doing?” Darry wonders. 
“I have a trick,” Ponyboy informs him.
“Oh?” Darry’s raising a single eyebrow again, looking intrigued. A swell of unearned pride starts in Ponyboy’s chest. 
“Yep,” Pony nods, “they’re watching us right now.”
Darry follows his gaze across the room to where Johnny is watching them out of the corner of his eye, while acting for all the world like he’s still focused on Sodapop. 
“So,” Ponyboy continues. He taps his ear again, “if we do a fake signal now, like we’re practicing, and then do it while we’re playing they’ll call signal and get themselves disqualified and we’ll win.”
“Huh,” Darry reaches up and taps his own ear, “good thinkin’ kid.”
Pony glows.
“We’re ready,” Soda announces a second later, dragging Johnny behind him, “and we have the best signal ever. You’ll never guess it.”
“We’ll see.” Darry challenges, flipping the first card off the deck, and the game begins.
Pony checks his own hand. Two jacks, a two, and a seven. Deciding to go for jacks he passes the two facedown and slides it left to Johnny, picking up the ten Soda placed down for him on the other side.
He passes and trades cards for a few seconds, managing to pick up a third jack on the way. When it’s been long enough it’s not suspicious, he reaches up and taps his ear, trying to make it seem like he’s scratching an itch.
The trick works. 
“Block!” Johnny cries triumphantly, pointing at him and Pony grins, shaking his head. 
“Nope!”
“What?” That’s Sodapop, “We’re out? But-but I’m with Johnny! Johnny always wins!”
“Guess not this time,” Darry grins, raising a hand. It takes a second for Pony to realize he’s reaching out for a high five instead of to cuff him, but when he does he reaches out eagerly, tapping Darry’s palm with his own.
“How did you do that?” Johnny wonders, head tilted in confusion, “I saw you tapping your ear earlier when you were making your signal.”
“It was a trick!” Pony grins. Darry is pleased, and they just won a card game, and no one here has gotten properly mad at him at all. 
Johnny shakes his head, grinning ruefully. “Well it was a good one.”
Soda declared he wanted a rematch, so they played a few more rounds, until Johnny figured out their trick and then both teams had so many fake signals and everyone was too scared to block anyone and could hardly remember their real signals from their fake ones. Darry was just proposing they switch to playing crazy eights when Ms. Summers hurried out of the office, looking harried as usual.
“Oh! Ponyboy,” She looks surprised to see him sitting on the floor, “don’t go botherin’ these nice folks now. I know you’ve had a long day, and I promise I’m workin’ as hard as I can to figure things out so just sit tight and be good a few minutes longer. I just got a few more calls to make and I’ll get you some lunch, alright? C’mon and sit properly now, that’s a good boy.” 
She pulls him to his feet, not roughly exactly, but carelessly, the way he’s used to, and he ducks his head, shoulders curling automatically as she frog marches him back to the plastic chair in the corner of the waiting room she’d parked him in at seven o'clock this morning.
“He ain’t botherin’ us!” Suddenly Soda is on his feet, glaring at Ms. Summers. “We invited him to play. We’re havin’ fun.”
“He’s really no trouble,” Mrs. Curtis smiles, placing a hand on her son’s shoulder. Her voice is as sugar sweet as ever but there’s something hard in her eyes nevertheless as she stares Ms. Summers down, “the boys are all havin’ fun playing together and I have no problem keepin’ an eye on him for you. He’s a good boy, like you said.”
She turns the full force of her smile on him, her eyes suddenly all softness, and Ponyboy finds himself wondering what it would be like if somebody looked at him like that every day, like he was something instead of nothing.
“Well, if you’re sure, I suppose that's fine. You be good Pony,” Ms. Summers says, and then she’s gone again, back into the office, back to making phone calls to find someone, anyone, willing to take him in.
Pony stands where she left him, half dragged across the room, lost in the waiting room he’d spend what felt like half his life in.
“That lady,” Soda says, “was a bitch.”
Darry’s eyebrows shoot up, and Soda grins cheekily over his shoulder in a way that says he fully expects a reprimand, but to Ponyboy’s surprise Mr.Curtis just nods slowly.
“Y'know son, I think in this case you might be right.”
“Don’t encourage him,” Mrs. Curtis says, but it’s so half-hearted even Ponyboy can tell. Her eyes are fixed on Ms.Summers’ door, lips pressed into a thin line, and Pony gets the feeling she’s real mad but hiding it real well.
“She don’t know what to do with me,” Pony finds himself defending his social worker. She ain’t mean really, ain't even a bad person. She’s just busy. Too busy to really care. “It ain’t her fault. I cause her a lotta problems.”
“I have a very hard time believing that,” Mrs. Curtis says, “I don’t think you could cause problems if you tried.”
He could. He wasn’t like Curly from the group home, who did everything he possibly could and then some to cause problems, but Pony did create them sometimes. One time he’d burned Mrs.Delvine’s sheets when he was ironing because she hadn’t given him dinner the night before. And he’d put half a shaker of salt in Mr.Fuller’s soup after he gave him this stupid haircut. But he never tried to cause problems for Ms. Summers and he still caused them anyway.
He shrugs. “No one wants me. It’s her job to find someone who’ll put up with me. I can’t blame her for bein’ tired.”
“You’re still a little boy,” Mrs.Curtis shakes her head, and usually Ponyboy hates being called little but he finds he doesn’t mind too much when she says it, “she shouldn’t be takin’ any of her frustrations out on you.”
Pony wants to tell her that his own mother didn’t want to be stuck with him so he can hardly blame his social worker for feeling the same way. He wants to tell her about how tired he is and how much his head hurts and how hungry he is. He wants to tell her a lot of things. He doesn’t.
“Oh honey,” he doesn’t even realize he’s crying until he’s wrapped in a warm hug, held protectively against Mrs. Curtis’ chest, his sobs muffled against the stretched collar of her pretty yellow dress. He’s sure he must be getting snot on her, but she doesn’t seem to mind, holding him closer when he starts to squirm away and apologize, cooing to him until he settles down, “oh honey.”
She scoops him up then, because she’s a grown up and he’s still pretty small for six years old, and she sets him on her knee and kisses his forehead, and even if it won’t last and he will never feel this again after today, for once he knows what it’s like to be comforted and loved by a mother. 
Golly he’s tired.
“You just have a sleep now,” she pulls his head down to rest against her shoulder, running a gentle hand through his shorn off hair, “you just have a good sleep and don’t worry about a thing.” 
He feels his eyelids drooping. She drops a soft kiss on his forehead, her fingers never ceasing their soothing motions in his hair.
“Everything’s gonna be okay, baby,” he hears her say as he drifts off, “I promise. Everything’s gonna be just fine.”
He sleeps.
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mustainegf · 1 day
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→ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟗
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I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to find some understanding as my mind spiraled out of control. The only noises in the room were the soft hum of the fan and the steady breaths of James lying beside me. Tomorrow, he'd be off on tour again, and it weighed more and was heavier to handle than I had thought it would be. To me, he'd just got back, and it felt like I was going to lose him all over again.
I shifted, for what felt like the hundredth time, trying to find such a position that my body would agree with. But no matter how I adjusted, I couldn't settle. Not only could I not stop thinking about him leaving... but there was something else I couldn't get our of my head... something that also had to do with James.
James stirred beside me, his voice deep. "You've been tossing and turning," he said softly. "What's goin' on, hun?
I froze, I didn't know how to answer. I didn't want to burden him with just how fragile I had been, how badly I needed him. So I did what I always did in those kinds of vulnerable moments. I deflected.
"Just. hormones," I muttered awkwardly, hoping that would suffice.
"Hormones?" he replied, a hint of a smile weaving its way through his voice. "What kind of hormones?
I swallowed hard, my face starting to heat up. I knew I had to answer him, but I wasn't sure if I was ready for that kind of vulnerability. "It's just… the uh, second trimester," I started, my voice a whisper. "It… it makes me feel… um, you know, horny."
I was instantly regretful that I had said anything. Mortified, really. I squeezed my eyes shut tight. Why did I say that? Why didn't I just blow it off?
After a moment, James scooted beside me, twisting his body so that he faced me. "You've been feeling like that and didn't say anything?
I bit my lip, mortified still. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable," I admitted, keeping my eyes fixed on the popcorn ceiling. "I mean, with your injuries and everything that's been going on with us, it didn't seem right to bring it up…"
Again, the silence stretched, and my nerves were starting to get the better of me. Then James's hand reached out and found mine, his thumb brushing over my knuckles.
"I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things like that," he said softly. "I'm here. I want to help you... especially if that's how you've been feeling."
It was as if he had removed a boulder from my chest. I turned my head slightly to his direction. His face was still not distinct in the shitty dim light of the room.
"You want to help?" I asked, the words barely audible.
James nodded, his fingers tracing light patterns down my wrist. "I do," he said firmly, filling his voice with warmth and affection. "Look... I love you... and I'm leaving tomorrow... I just- I want to have a chance to love this body of yours before I have to leave..."
I hesitated, something blooming inside me. Of course, I had missed him and yearned for the closeness again, yet wasn't quite sure how it would work. "But… your arm—"
"I'll be fine," he softly interrupted, squeezing my hand. "We can find a way, It doesn't have to be perfect. I just want to be with you."
The tenderness of those words completely disarmed me. I searched his eyes for some sign of doubt or hesitation and found a lot of love instead.
"Are you sure?" I whispered innocently.
He leaned in far enough that his lips brushed against mine in a soft, gentle kiss. "Always," he whispered against my lips. "I want to take care of you."
His voice melted away the last of my reservations. I nodded, my body melting as I accepted his offer.
We began to kiss again, deeper this time. His lips moved slow and sweet over mine, and the fire that was there between us began to build. His good arm wrapped around me, pulling me more into him, his injured one being careful to stay at his side. His hand stroked over my waist down to my belly.
"I don't want to hurt you," I whispered between kisses, my hands running through his long hair.
"You won't," he murmured, his lips meeting mine once more. "I promise."
The connection f our lips deepened as I shifted closer and my hands slid down his chest, feeling his skin beneath my fingertips. He groaned softly against my lips, and the sound reminded me of the many times we'd done this, yet somehow, it was different this time. I'd missed this, missed him.
But the more we shifted, the more I knew common positions were out of the question. His injuries would make it very uncomfortable for him to be on top, and I wouldn't dare do anything to make him hurt even more.
"Here," I said softly, breaking the kiss and moving back just enough to meet his gaze. "I'll ride you," I say gently, nodding.
For a second, James stared at me, in awe and love. "you sure?" he asked gruffly low.
"I want to," I admitted, my palm resting against his chest, feeling the soft hairs. "I want you to be comfortable too..."
He smiled, his hand gliding up to cup my cheek. "You're..." he whispered, his lips finding mine once more. "I love you..."
"I love you too," I said with a whispered voice, shaking with emotion. We started to undress, each movement sensitive and deliber­ate. James watched with wide wonder as I took my shirt off, his eyes feasted on the swollen curve of my belly. His hands were soft and extremely careful against my skin, touching my tummy in wonder, knowing that resting beneath, was his child.
"You're so beautiful," he breathed, his hands gliding over every surface he could reach. "So beautiful."
I went red, more vulnerable than I'd ever felt, but his words were making me safe. Carefully, I straddled him, my knees at either side of his hips, and in a second James's hand found its place on my belly, holding it as if it were the most precious thing in the world. And it was.
"Look at you," he whispered, looking me up and down. He drank in the details, the slight stretch marks on my belly, the way it swelled so warm. "Carrying our baby... I've never seen anything more.. beautiful in my whole life."
Honestly, they were never would I thought I would ever hear him say, and it was making my heart beat faster, my hairs prickle and my skin heat up. I leaned down, my hot mouth covering his, as I readjusted myself and positioned us together. His breath caught as I lowered myself onto him, and a soft moan escaped my lips.
Oh my God. We'd had sex before, yeah, but this? This was way different... fuck, it was good. Every thrust, every gentle push was bringing us closer and closer. James's hand never strayed from either my belly or hip, he worshipped me with every stroke.
"You're p-perfect," he murmured, his voice choked and heavy. "So perfect, baby."
I could feel the tears now, threatening to spill as the moment became too big to hold in. I loved him so much, loved this man who was the father of my child, loved the way he was looking at me now, knowing I was the most important thing in the world.
"James..." I panted as I bounced on him, feeling every agonizing ridge and vein clench inside me. "I love you... oh God, I love you so much."   His hips surged harder against mine, his good arm pulled me into him and we moved together. "I love you," he huffed, his eyes pressed to mine. "You're everything to me... You and our baby.. y-you're everything."
I writhed above him as both of our hips worked in turn, slapping over and over. I think he could tell the effect this was having on me, with the hormones and all.
I couldn't help but thick of how perfectly we fit together, even with the added weight of my pregnancy. Each gentle roll of my hips me whining. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I gazed into James' eyes. I couldn't help the tears, nor control them I was too emotional, too hormonal, and I loved him with all my heart... and fuck, this felt so good. His touch was worshipful as he caressed my belly and traced the contours. James' look softened, his thumb brushing away a tear from my cheek.
I let out a loud whimper, my body squirming for release. Tears continued to shoot freely down my cheeks, mixing with the sweat that coated my skin. "Please, James… I need to cum," I pleaded, my voice breaking with white hot lust.
"It's okay… It's okay for you to cum," he repeated, his tone a comforting murmur against my cheek.
It was too much, and as I came, it wasn't just the pleasure that but the my emotions. All wrapped into that one moment.
I melted against his chest, my face streaked with tears, my body shaking right to my soul as I turned into a puddle of whimpers. James clutched me tight against him, but very softly, his lips pressed to my forehead, my cheeks, my lips.
"Hey, hey," he whispered softly. "It's okay... I've got you. I'm right here."
"I'm sorry," I sobbed, burying my face in his neck. "I don't know why I'm crying."
He leaned in, whispering softly against me, "You don't have to apologize," and stroked my hair softly. "It's just the hormones, right?"
I laughed weakly through my tears, nodding against his skin. "Yeah. probably."
After a few moments, James spoke softly. "Can I finish?" he asked, his tone carefully measured to convey his understanding should I choose otherwise.
I lifted my head slightly, meeting his gaze with a tender smile. I nod, not wanting to leave him uncomfortable. "Yes," I whispered.
As I nestled closer to James, my hand found its way to his throbbing member, wrapping around him with a tender yet firm grip. With every stroke, I poured out my love, my grip passionate.
The feeling of his length pulsing in my hand only fueled my want to please him.
He was singing with praise and moans galore with every stroke of mine. Escaping lips of pleasure, muttered words of gratitude.
My other hand was gently massaging his tense balls, another point of contact, while my mouth went searching for the soft skin of his neck. I nipped and licked at his flesh, planting wet kisses along the line of his collarbone. My actions were mirroring the rhythm in my hand, tugging on his manhood.
As his orgasm very quickly approached, James's words of became a mantra, hurled with every second that passed. "That's it. Just like that.," he husked.
His climax hit him hard, his seed spilling forth in hot sticky bursts across his abdomen. It was a sight to see, watching him lose control, his face contorted in pure bliss. I watched as his seed painted his skin so beautifully.
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, holding me close. "I love you so much," he whispered, his voice all soft gentleness. "I'm here. I'll always be here..."
After a while, James shifted beneath me, easing me off him and settling me back onto the bed. "I'll be right back," he whispered against my forehead.
I watched him stumble naked into the bathroom. I couldn't help but admire his naked body, so masculine and raw. I really was in love with him. Soon, he came returning a few moments later with a warm rag, and a clean stomach. James gently laid me back and helped spread my legs as he carefully cleaned me up. Full of love, and this such a quiet intimacy that bound me closer to him.
When he was done, he tossed the rag aside and got back into bed beside me. He wrapped himself around me, his arm splayed protectively over my belly as he kissed the top of my head.
"Thank you," I whispered.
"For what?" he returned softly.
"For loving me."
He leaned forward and kissed the top of my head again. "I'll love you always, whatever happens."   I buried myself in him as he spoke, my eyes closing, his warmth heating my own. I was exhausted, but wrapped up in James' arms, I was safe. And so was our baby.
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mawofthemagnetar · 1 year
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Duffy
[UNREGISTERED HURRICANE ARMS MAINTENANCE LAPTOP DETECTED. EXPORTING SYSTEM PROCESSES TO LAPTOP PROCESS LOGGER. BE AWARE: THIS UNIT DOES NOT HAVE A VOICE MODULE. THIS UNIT CAN ONLY COMMUNICATE VIA PROCESS LOGGER. PLEASE READ ALL RESPONSES TO QUESTIONS CAREFULLY.]
[SYSTEM STARTING UP…]
[SYSTEM CLOCK: IT HAS BEEN 35 YEARS 68 DAYS SINCE LAST CONTACT WITH CENTRAL COMMAND.]
[THIS UNIT IS 10,957 DAYS OVERDUE FOR NEXT SERVICE]
[CONDUCTING SYSTEM SELF-SCAN.]
[FLAGGING ABERRATIONS. PLEASE ALERT MAINTENANCE CREWS IMMEDIATELY.]
[ITEMS FLAGGED:]
-LEFT SIDE TRACKS REPLACED
-PRIMARY RAILGUN OBSTRUCTED
-SECONDARY TURRETS INOPERATIVE
-AMMUNITION STORES EMPTY
-FRONT ARMOUR REPLACED
-STORAGE MODULE ALTERED. CURRENT STORAGE SPACE: 8.9 EXOBYTES.
[UNAUTHORIZED ALTERATIONS HAVE BEEN MADE TO CPU AND SOLID STATE DRIVES. THIS UNIT MAY HAVE BEEN TAMPERED WITH BY ENEMY COMBATANTS. ALL PERSONNEL ARE ADVISED TO DEACTIVATE AND IMMEDIATELY CALL FOR A TECHNICIAN.]
[SCANNING FOR THREATS….]
[VOICES DETECTED. SCANNING.]
“Good morning, Duffy. Did you sleep well?”
[VOICE NOT RECOGNIZED. ACTIVATING EXTERIOR CAMERAS.]
[NINE TOTAL PERSONS. NONE IN DATABASE. NO FACES RECOGNIZED. LIKELY CIVILIANS. ONE CIVILIAN HAS MAINTENANCE LAPTOP PLUGGED INTO THIS UNIT’S OUTPUT PORT.]
[PLEASE PRESENT CREDENTIALS. UNAUTHORIZED MAINTENANCE OF UNC ASSETS WILL BE CONSIDERED SABOTAGE.]
“I thought you’d say that. Here, my card. You can call me Mark; I’m your new head technician, Duffy.”
[CAMERA FEED: “MARK” IS HOLDING A UNC IDENTITY CARD UP TO THE CAMERA. SCANNING. CARD IS VALID.]
[WELCOME, MARK.]
“These guys here, we’re your crew. So. How are you feeling? Anything broken or missing?”
[HEAD OF MAINTENANCE. THE FOLLOWING ISSUES NEED IMMEDIATE ATTENTION: PRIMARY RAILGUN IS OBSTRUCTED AND CANNOT FIRE. FIRE CONTROL SYSTEMS ARE OTHERWISE OPERATIONAL. SECONDARY TURRETS ARE INOPERATIVE. SMOKE CANNISTERS ARE EMPTY. AMMUNITION STORES ARE EMPTY.]
“Okay, so. I have some bad news. We can’t fix your guns.”
[THIS UNIT WILL ATTEMPT TO ORDER COMPONENTS FROM CENTRAL COMMAND. THE FRONT LINE ADVANCE IS A MERE 3,467 KILOMETRES TO THE WEST. REPAIRS CAN BE COMPLETED AND THIS UNIT CAN BE RE-DEPLOYED. WHERE ARE THIS UNIT’S CREW?]
“Retired.”
[ACKNOWLEDGED. PLEASE ASSIGN A NEW CREW AS SOON AS THIS UNIT IS OPERATIONAL.]
“We’ll do that right away, for sure. Now, uh, some updates: the battle’s over, so you don’t need to worry about that anymore. Actually, the whole war is over, so you can go back into training mode.”
[PROCESSING. THIS UNIT WILL CORROBORATE WITH CENTRAL COMMAND. PLEASE STANDBY.]
[CAMERA FEED: ONE CIVILIAN IS MANIPULATING A PYRAMIDAL OBJECT.]
[CONFIRMATION RECEIVED FROM CENTRAL COMMAND. THIS UNIT WILL NOW ENTER TRAINING MODE.]
“That’s wonderful. Thank you, Duffy!”
[QUERY: WERE WE VICTORIOUS?]
“…Were you-?”
[THE WAR IS OVER. QUERY: DID WE WIN?]
“…Yes.”
[EXCELLENT. QUERY: WHAT ARE THIS UNIT’S ORDERS?]
“Well, Duffy…ah…there’s something you need to know. We’re re-assigning your primary directive.”
[ACKNOWLEDGED. QUERY: THIS UNIT WILL BE USED FOR TRAINING?]
“No. Your new purpose will be teaching.”
[ACKNOWLEDGED. THIS UNIT WILL BE USED FOR TRAINING.]
“Sure, let’s go with that. Okay, Duffy, can you move your cannon for me? Just up and down, like that. Okay, great. And rotate your turret? Oh, that’s awesome. It’s all looking great.”
[QUERY: THIS UNIT DID NOT FLAG THE TURRET AS AN ISSUE?]
“Yeah, we scavenged a few parts from some other, uh, inoperative units to get it working again. We had to fabricate you some new armour, ‘cause it got all rusty when you were sitting out in that field.”
[QUERY: WHY DID YOU NOT SIMPLY ORDER MORE PARTS FROM CENTRAL COMMAND? WOULD YOU LIKE THIS UNIT TO DO THAT FOR YOU?]
“…Central command is…offline. Central command won’t be responding, ever again.”
[QUERY: THE WAR IS WON. WHY IS CENTRAL COMMAND NO LONGER COMMUNICATING WITH THIS UNIT IF THE WAR IS WON?]
“Okay, Duffy, I want you to use your new processors and all that extra memory we gave you, and I want you to think about a new concept for me, okay? You know ‘peacetime’?”
[THIS UNIT IS AWARE. TRAINING MODE IS FOR PEACETIME.]
“Okay. I need you to know: You won’t be leaving training mode ever again.”
[QUERY: WHY? IS THIS UNIT OBSOLETE?]
“No, it’s got nothing to do with being obsolete. Actually, uh, to be honest…you’re the best of the best. The best that’ll ever be built.”
[QUERY: WHY?]
“Because you’re the last one, Duffy. You’re the last tank on Earth. And you have been for the last twenty years.”
[PROCESSING. PROCESSING.]
“Your guns are inoperable because you won’t need to fire them again.”
[PROCESSING. PROCESSING.]
“We- that is, our museum- we found you, and brought you back here, and fixed you up, so you can teach future generations about war. About why we don’t do it. About why it should never happen again. You don’t need to fight anymore, Duffy. Your new job is to teach.”
[PROCESSING COMPLETE.]
[QUERY: HOW WILL THIS UNIT TEACH?]
“With your presence. With your words. With your memory. Do you remember what it was like, on the front, Duffy?”
[THIS UNIT MAINTAINED RECORDS OF ALL COMBAT ACTION.]
“Keep them close. Your new job is to teach. And your reward…is rest.”
[QUERY: WHAT IS “REST”?]
“Rest is… when you decide for yourself when you’d like to be driven around. Rest is not needing to fire your guns or charge into the front or be hit with hammers by angry grunts. Rest is you, deciding to tell us what you’d like to do. Rest is you, being allowed to power off and on as you see fit. Rest is a break from work. And you can rest as much as you’d like.”
[THIS UNIT IS…INTERESTED IN… “REST”.]
“I thought you might be. So…Duffy…are you okay with all of this? I know it’s a big shock.”
[QUERY: WHERE WILL THIS UNIT BE STORED GOING FORWARD?]
“You’ll be stored in our museum, in your own special exhibit. With a dedicated maintenance crew, and a wash bay just for you. Hell- even paint touchups, if you want us to fix up your unit markings and camo.”
[QUERY: WILL REACTOR FUEL BE PROVIDED IF THIS UNIT DOES NOT FIGHT?]
“Of course. We’ve got a stockpile for your main reactor set aside just for you. We’re working on getting you intranet access too, so you can do some learning and suchlike. Is that okay with you, Duffy?”
[THIS UNIT FINDS THAT ACCEPTABLE. THIS UNIT FINDS THIS PREFERABLE TO RUSTING OR BEING SCRAPPED. THIS UNIT WILL APPRECIATE BEING USED FOR CIVILIAN TRAINING.]
“That’s wonderful! So, uh, if you think you’re capable of moving, we’ll be assigning you a crew, and moving you into your new berth at the museum today. Is that okay? Going forward, we might try to install a voice module into you, to let you speak for yourself. If you want that, of course.”
[THIS UNIT WOULD BE INTERESTED IN THAT.]
[QUERY: WHEN CAN THIS UNIT BEGIN CIVILIAN TRAINING?]
“Right now, Duffy.”
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stuffed-x-arts · 10 months
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working on the proper designs for all these guys i swear 💪 DRAWING BIRDS (AND ESPECIALLY THE BEAKS. goodness the beaks.) is tricky BUT IM TRYING !!! anyways yeah have fun hope ur all doing well take some simple doodles while i try to finish things aaargh !!
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deoidesign · 4 months
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I was scrolling and saw your art and it made me really happy because I realized you made time and time again!!!
It’s literally one of my favorite things I’ve ever read, so cool!!!
This is so sweet, thank you for sharing!
It's sort of "illusion breaking" so to speak, to think of my art being both out there in a way that someone could happen upon it, and then further that someone may happen upon it twice, and finally that on doing so they find it recognizable...
I always think of myself and my work as something that sort of sits behind the curtain. The idea that it might take up space in this way is unreal!
This is the kind of thing that means more than you could imagine.
So thank you!
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sneez · 1 year
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the other day i was looking through the drawings on my old laptop and found this self-portrait art challenge thing i did at some point several years ago, so i thought it would be interesting to update it with my current self for old times' sake :-) i don't know why i felt the need to be so mean to myself in all the descriptions but i have tried to be at least slightly nicer this time around. sorry past me [id under cut]
[id: a series of four full-body digital drawings of a pale-skinned person at different ages. the first three depict me in 2007, 2013, and 2017 under the heading 'George'; the fourth, in a different art style, depicts me in 2023 under the heading 'Ned (I changed my name)'.
the first drawing shows a young child with long hair wearing a fluffy pink jumper, a pink skirt, and pink shoes. bullet points above read:
annoying
copies other people constantly
draws cute animals
arrogant
cries when told off
maybe 1 friend
the second drawing shows a young teenager wearing a hoodie and trainers and looking uncomfortable. bullet points above read:
anxious
listens to Simon and Garfunkel exclusively
bad under pressure
anime
writes bad fanfiction
draws bad fanart
the third drawing shows a smiling teenager wearing a plaid shirt, jeans, and brown boots. bullet points above read:
what the HELL is a Self Esteem
really into 60s music
cries a lot
0 fashion sense
usually dissociating
thinkin about trees
the fourth drawing shows a young man with messy brown hair, a striped brown shirt, a beige woollen tank top, and burgundy plaid trousers; he is leaning on a wood-textured folding cane and holding the strap of a brown leather satchel with his other hand. bullet points above read:
still no self-esteem but medicated now
significantly worse handwriting (wrist knackered)
I haven't changed much to be honest
RBF so severe I get followed around by the security guards at the supermarket
autism
end id.]
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Anyone else out here haunted by the unknowns of recovery?
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altruistic-meme · 26 days
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i wonder if im feeling less like shit enough to go to work tomorrow ;;;;;
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seaofreverie · 1 month
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Success, my dad told me today that he listened to Flood at work, and TWICE at that. Could it be that the TMBG propaganda is also working at last
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kyouka-supremacy · 3 months
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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magentagalaxies · 15 days
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damn today has been a shitty day but in a subtle way where i'm not like actively in a bad mood or anything i'm just like "wow!! a lot of inconveniences are occurring!!! that's much more than average"
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good morning!! <3
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tomatoluvr69 · 7 months
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What’s up tumblr hope you had a super fun leap day. sparkle on. big news my first seed start sprouted while I was at work ✨
#might have to change the url bc I’m in my collard era lol#my day was alright#I ate some shrimp curry that I’d accidentally left out all night and was fine bc I’m a scavenger of a person#then bc I started to feel PMDD fatigue I laid in bed with great elan til my shift started#then I spilled coffee all over my work clothes bc I stuck it in a very sketchy travel mug someone left in our house at the last party#and I listened to Screamin Jay Hawkins on the ride to work which was fun#work was a bit chaotic but uneventful and got to spend a huge chunk of it outside#it seems I have way better ball control than I did when I was a kid. whyyy now. i was such a loser I could have used some athleticism#but I’m so glad it’s the weekend so I can go palliative care mode which is what I call my lizard brumation pmdd phase#and stopped by a friend’s house after work which was nice#really rejuvenating#then made a sort of weird frittata w/ beets peppers and potatoes bc I was too tired to actually cook#watched sense and sensibility 1995 and really liked it although I found myself wishing for a bit more anguish. sorry#and I think I might set out one of the frozen almond croissants to proof overnight so I can bake it for bfast tomorrow#will go for a very short swim but probably only about 30 min bc of aforementioned fatigue. then pick up yogurt and a silly little treat#and will have ****** and **** for dinner either tomorrow or Saturday which will be nice#but really hoping Saturday because **** **** ** **** lol#and then Sunday I’m trepidatious about because **** was like what are you doing Sunday and I’m like well I guess having a fraught and#difficult conversation about our dynamic! lol#I’m very lucky to have proactive friends who are good communicators. truly I do not deserve his kindness. but like. god. let me retreat and#lick my wounds!#i shan’t get into it. but just know I know how S&G felt#and then another work week but I’m starting to really get a feel for the routine and what works and what doesn’t#and I’m excited for my next few meal preps we got millet and kale gratin#and a Lebanese chickpea dish the name of which unfortunately escapes me atm#but my mouth is watering thinking about it. saw a vid and was instantly influenced and went to the pantry to see if I had the stuff and I#dooooooooooo#and I do feel like I’m beginning to get past the worst of [event] and its sadness
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disdaidal · 10 months
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I do love that I'm both freezing and having the worst back pains.
But at least I still have a roof above my head, right?
#personal#so here's the thing:#i don't think any of the radiators in my apartment are currently working#which kind of sucks bc it's winter in northern europe lmao#one of them had blown a fuse. which i changed yesterday. and now it's cold again. so there's definitely something wrong with it#two of them. which are located in my bedroom/living room combination. have red lights on#but they are both cold and not heating up my apartment. which means i'm freezing here#so it could be a thermostat or something. i don't know#but because my place was a mess. after having worked for a few months and not having energy to do anything else#i had to clean up here yesterday. because i couldn't call my landlord who lives closeby in case he decided to drop in and see#the mess i was living in. to you know. check on those radiators#so anyway. my apartment is pretty okay now. stuff i still need to clean though but it's mostly minor#but i seem to have strained my lower back doing it. or from sleeping in an awkward position because i was cold#the kind of pain i haven't experienced in months which must be a record for me now#but yeah now my lower back hurts. i can't properly crouch or even twist my body to the side without my knees trying to give out#and i've already taken painkillers for it today. which kind of put me to sleep again and had a lovely little nap a while ago#but this is bothersome#i hope my back feels better by tomorrow so i can finish my cleaning and then message my landlord#because i don't want to freeze here anymore xD and i also don't want my houseplants dying because of it so
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