#This is actually part of a ff but it reminds me of this post so am putting it here 🎨 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moni-logues · 2 years ago

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A Fine Line Bonus 1

The first A Fine Line bonus chapter!!!!

Pairing: Namjoon x reader

Genre: just fluff, love that for them

Word count: 6.4k

Content: no real warnings for this one. A mention of cum and a penis, that's basically it.

A/N: FFS I have written this post out twice and then accidentally deleted it all so I fucking give up lol it's here and it's unbeta'd and I hope I'm back, baby!!!

Epilogue 4 | Masterlist | Bonus Chapter 2

Bonus Chapter 1 - Fear and the First Date

“Does this mean I can ask you out now?” he asked as his hand trailed lightly up and down your back. It had barely been five minutes. You were still sitting on him, soft and sticky and sated.

You lifted your head from his chest and looked at him, perplexed.

“What do you mean?”

“On a date,” he said, as though it were obvious.

“A date?”

“Yes, a date.” Slower now, like you were stupid. “Like dinner and a film, or we can go to a museum, or I don’t know, fucking bowling or something. You know, a date.”

You did know. You knew what a date was. You just didn’t know you were going to go on them. You’d sort of already skipped that part, you thought. Weren’t you past the dating part now? You couldn’t picture it: sitting across the table from him, in some restaurant, some expensive, pretentious restaurant he would take you to. Just you and him, looking at each other, saying what? It wasn’t as if you hadn’t had conversations with him. But a date? Were you going to go on a first date with a man who already knew what you looked like naked, how you sounded when you writhed underneath him? A man whose soft cock was still inside you, whose cum was drying down his length? A man you’d been living with for the better part of a year? Did that make sense?

“Just so you know, you have to say yes.”

You pressed your face into the crook of his neck. Half of you felt that fluttery kind of excitement that you supposed you should feel when asked out on a date. The other half of you felt blind panic. It wasn’t so much about whether or not you wanted to, but whether or not you thought you even could.

Namjoon prodded you lightly in the side with a finger.

“Look, I get it.” His voice was soft and quiet. “I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want. But you picked this, right? You want this? I said this—this-”he gestured to the two of you there, naked, entangled, “this matters to me. It means something to me. You said it did to you, too. I get it if you feel like running away. But... You can’t actually run away.”

He sounded calm; he spoke evenly, slowly, but you could feel his heart in his chest, could feel him heat, flush, could feel him swallow when he’d finished talking.

You hadn’t forgotten what you’d said. It did mean something to you. Too much. You had made the decision and you had thought that was the hard part. They said it would be easy; you just did it; you just let someone into your life and that was that. You had believed them. You had said yes. But now you were here, having to say it again. The alarm bells ringing in your head telling you to evacuate, to cut and run, to quit while you were ahead, to not expose yourself to that kind of hurt.

The kind of hurt that Namjoon was exposing himself to. Had repeatedly exposed himself to. For you. Because he wanted to be with you.

It hit you again, the realisation that he has feelings. He was nervous. Nervously kind of joking about you running away, bailing on him. Nervously kind of not joking, reminding you of your words, holding you to them. You were awash with guilt and shame because you had to realise this, again, that he had feelings, too. You were so wrapped up in yourself that you had to be reminded of it. It made you wonder why he wanted you. It made you think about him saying he had terrible taste in women. It made you feel, in a small, quiet way, that he still did, that you would be another of his mistakes. You decided then and there not to be.

“I’m not running away,” you replied quietly. “It does matter to me.”

It wasn’t easy. You had to accept that maybe it wasn’t going to be easy, at least not yet. But you had to try. You owed it to yourself. You owed it to him.

“Good.”

He turned his face into yours, nudged your nose, and made you look at him.

“It’s ok, you know,” he whispered, his lips brushing yours as he spoke. “It’s going to be ok.”

“How do you know?”

He kissed you then, cupped the back of your head to bring you closer, to press his lips to yours.

“I don’t know.”

“Then how can you say that?”

“Not everything has to end in disaster. Even if it has every single time you’ve tried before. Maybe this time, it will go right.”

“That sounds like the definition of insanity.”

He huffed a small laugh, a little exhale blown over your face.

“Well maybe you make me crazy, huh?”

“You’re nervous!”

“Yes! Of course, I’m nervous! You don’t have to sound so fucking happy about it!”

“But it’s sweet! It shows you care; it’s nice.”

“No, it’s not!” you cried down the phone. “It’s horrible and I hate it and I don’t know what to do! Honestly, it makes me want to take everything back and just run away.”

“You’re not going to do that,” Lina replied and you thought you heard a hint of a warning tone in her voice. You tried not to let it get your back up.

“Obviously I’m not! God, I’m fucking trying, ok? But this is stressful! How, how do people do it? Date? DATE?! I mean... We haven’t even-” You paused in your pacing, mid-step, mouth open. “We haven’t- we literally have not spent any time together outside the four walls of this apartment.”

Lina was quiet on the other end, as if running through her own memories to confirm.

“There’s a first time for everything.”

“YES, and it’s weird! And scary! And like- god, is dating always this stressful?”

“You’re talking to a woman who met her husband at 18. I have no idea.”

“Fair point.”

“Also, your situation isn’t exactly normal-”

“Which makes it worse! How do you go on a first date with someone you live with? When you’ve already fucked them a million times?!”

“You may be overthinking it.”

Of course, you were overthinking it. You had gone from trying not to think about Namjoon at all to thinking of nothing else. But not like before, when you thought about him fucking you, thought about unravelling—you and him alike—thought about all the things he’d done to you and the things he would do again. Now it was just him. His hands. His dimples. The softness in his gaze when he looked at you sometimes.

It was terrifying. The idea of him, of you, of the two of you. There were parts of you resisting, still; you were aware of them all the time. They made you want to flinch when he reached over to tuck your hair behind your ear. They made you stew in your bed at night, unable to sleep, telling yourself that it was never going to work out, that it was time to cut your losses, to get out while the getting was good. It had been only days since he asked you out, since you had finally said yes to this, but they had somehow stretched into lifetimes, each lasting longer than the previous and every hour more stressful than the last. You should have been eagerly anticipating this date. You were dreading it.

But there you were, dressed and sweaty and panicking, waiting for him to pick you up, convinced it wouldn’t work out, he wouldn’t want you, the world would see you together and utter a swift, definite ‘no’.

“He’s coming to pick me up; did I tell you that? What’s he going to do, buzz at the door as if he doesn’t know the codes? Pretend it’s not his apartment he’s coming to?”

You swore you heard Lina sigh dreamily.

“He’s romantic.”

“You know how long it’s been since I’ve been romanced? I don’t know how to do this.”

“You’ll learn. Just let it happen. Stop resisting it.”

“I’ve been resisting for so lon-”

“Exactly. Stop. Follow his lead. Trust him.”

“You say that like it’s so easy.”

“It’s not easy, but it’s necessary if you want to-”

“I know, I know. I don’t need a lecture.”

“Sorry.”

You sighed this time.

“No, sorry, I’m just-”

You heard the doorbell ring and froze. He was here. Fuck.

“He’s at the door. He’s standing outside the door of his own apartment, waiting for me to open it. “

“Well don’t leave him waiting! Go on! Have fun! Make good choices!”

You rang off and smoothed down your dress—or wiped your sweaty palms all over it, one or the other. You walked slowly to the door and slipped your shoes on before opening it.

You hadn’t stopped being bowled over by the fact of him, the physical reality of his being. That he was so tall and so handsome in his crisp, white shirt with his too-short hair and his eyes that always saw right through you. The power of him hadn’t diminished at all: the way he made your heart flutter, and your pulse race. It was, in fact, stronger now than ever. You were going down so, so badly.

His cheeks dimpled as a smile spread across his face when he saw you.

“Hello, beautiful.”

You blushed, tight-lipped, and tried to accept the compliment graciously. It was still new to you.

“I’m ready to go,” you said and he nodded back at you with a scrunched-nose smile.

“Tell me,” he began as you shut the door and walked together down the hall. “Do you hold hands on a first date?”

You looked at him, shy and embarrassed all over, and he looked a little the same.

“I, uh, I don’t know?” You laughed awkwardly. “I haven’t been on a first date for... a while, a long while... Do you?”

There was a pause that went on a little too long and felt a little too strained. You couldn’t believe you might have already put your foot in it; you’d only been on the date twenty seconds! Then he said,

“What about Hoseok?”

You almost stopped in your tracks, your steps falling out of rhythm with his, and when you looked at him, he only glanced over and then away again.

“Uh, well, I... It wasn’t really, we didn’t. It wasn’t like, dating. We weren’t dating. We didn’t- it wasn’t. We didn’t do... dates.”

“Oh. Right.”

You didn’t know if it was the wrong answer or the right one. It was the honest one.

“Well,” he said, taking your hand in his. “I do hold hands on a first date.”

He grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze and you felt your knees tremble.

Namjoon was good at this. Dating. Sitting across from you in a restaurant, eating, drinking, talking, smiling at you and joking with you and being so unutterably charming, you almost couldn’t believe it was the same man who had routinely pinned you up against a wall and fucked you so hard you couldn’t breathe.

You had sat down, stiff and self-conscious, all too aware of the tables on either side of you, the couples sitting there, over-hearing you—listening to you? It didn’t matter if they did; you wouldn’t be saying anything salacious, but you felt so exposed, sitting there so publicly, announcing to the world that you were trying to get this man to like you, a man so much better than you were on every measure. You assumed everyone could see right through you, see who and what you were, see that he would be better off without you.

It made you stupid. You felt embarrassed and conspicuous and it was so distracting that you kept forgetting to listen to Namjoon when he spoke. Your leg bounced under the table incessantly; your eyes were darting about, scanning the restaurant behind him, looking for people looking at you, talking about you. As if you had never been out in public before now. As if there was something so strange and unusual about a woman being on a date with a man.

Though it was strange and unusual for you. Was it strange and unusual for Namjoon, too?

He wasn’t acting like it. He was talking to you as if you were the only person in the restaurant. He didn’t notice when the woman next to him almost spilt her glass of red wine on herself. He was sitting with his back to the restaurant so he didn’t see every person, couple, and group come and go. He just kept his focus on you. Always looking at you, seeing through you. You had no idea what he saw.

“Are you listening?” he asked.

“Oh yes! Sorry, no, what did you say?”

He laughed and turned to glance over his shoulder.

“Looking for better options?”

“No! No, of course not. Sorry, I just...”

How could he understand? Sitting there so comfortably, so confident, so at ease in himself. You couldn’t sit there and tell him you were nervous, that you were so nervous, you couldn’t concentrate. You thought of all the differences between you, wondered how this could ever work. He was ready to receive the world and you had nothing to give.

He interrupted your thoughts with a hand over yours.

“You’re not having fun.”

He wasn’t asking.

“No, I am! I...”

“It’s ok.”

You caught the guarded disappointment in his eyes and wanted the ground to swallow you whole. Then he stood and offered you a tight smile before walking towards a waiter. He gestured to your table as he spoke and, when the waiter moved off, he didn’t come back to, but went to the counter. He took out his wallet and paid for the dinner you had only just started.

Was it over?

A different waiter approached the table and took your almost-full plates away and you were trying not to cry when Namjoon returned.

“Here-” he shared the last of the wine from the bottle between your two glasses. “Drink up!”

You took the glass on autopilot and gulped at the wine. You didn’t want to ask what was happening. You would put this off as long as you could. If it was over already, if you’d messed it up before it had even had a chance to begin, you were going to make him do it. End it. Dump you? Does it even count as dumping if it’s only your first date? And where would you live? Where would you go? What would you do? It would be the final nail, the last straw. You would ship yourself off to the outback and live alone where no one else could be hurt by you, where you couldn’t get anything wrong.

A waiter approached with a bag of packaged-up food and Namjoon stood again, extending his hand to you. You took it and he led you out of the restaurant. You had somehow missed the moment he ordered the taxi, but it was there, just outside, waiting for you; Namjoon opened the door for you to slide in.

“Where are we going?” you asked, quietly, when he sat down beside you.

“Home.”

“Oh.”

With the bag of food wedged securely on the floor between his feet, he took your hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. You didn’t know what that meant. Maybe he was just waiting until you were back in the privacy of your home. The backseat of a taxi was no place for it and he was a considerate guy, after all.

He kept hold of your hand the whole way home. He also kept quiet. So did you. As you slipped your shoes off in the hallway, he gently told you to go and sit at the table. You followed the direction without protest. You took your phone with you and furiously tapped out message after message to Lina, filling her in and pleading for help.

You: what does this mean?

You: I don’t know what he’s doing.

You: should I ask?

You: do I help? I can’t even bring myself to look!

You: what do I say to him? How do I know what to do?

You: tell me what to do!! I’ll actually do it!

Namjoon was clattering about in the kitchen; you were doing your best to ignore him. You had buried your head in the sand and ignored the truth for long enough; you’d had the practice; you’d wait for him to break through, pull you out, then maybe kick you out.

Lina was not replying.

“Here.”

Namjoon placed a steaming plate of pasta in front of you—the very one you had ordered at the restaurant—and he placed his own dish opposite you. He returned to the kitchen and opened the fridge.

“Ok, well,” he called, “there’s half a bottle of white-” he grabbed it and then opened a cupboard to the left “-and a whole bottle of red, but I’m pretty sure this is the red Taehyung got me and it’s completely undrinkable. What do you reckon?”

“Uh... I guess... both?”

He laughed—it was almost a cackle—and brought them both over to the table with a pair of glasses. He poured the white wine out, two big glasses, emptying the bottle, and lifted his, gently clinking it against yours.

“To Date One version 2.0.”

“Oh,” you replied. “So... we’re still on a date?”

“Yeah!”

“But here?”

“Yeah!”

Namjoon hesitated then put down his wine glass with a quiet thunk. He tapped his fingers lightly on the table for a second and then spoke.

“Look... I want you to enjoy this date. You were not enjoying it at the restaurant. And I’m trying not to take it really personally that you don’t want to be seen with m-”

“No!” You flung a hand out to grab his; his fingers, still dancing on the tabletop, stilled. “I don’t... I don’t want you to be seen with me.” You had to pause, take a deep breath. You owed him what you were feeling because you had made him feel bad. He was, as ever, being honest with you and letting you in and you had said you were going to try. You had said you were going to do this. Practice makes perfect. No time like the present.

“I felt so embarrassed because it felt like everyone was looking at me, or us, looking at you and wondering what the hell you were doing with me... Because I still don’t... I don’t get it. I feel like a mistake.”

“You feel like a mistake?”

“Yes, I feel like I’m going to be a mistake for you. Another one.”

Namjoon almost chuckled but only almost.

“Because I have terrible taste in women.”

“Yes.”

He sighed and nodded.

“Yeah, I guess it was my fault for saying that. Maybe I should have said I had terrible taste in women... Do you want to get into it?”

He looked like he didn’t.

“No, not if you don’t want to. I’m sorry for ruining our date.” He didn’t want to get into his but that didn’t mean you couldn’t get into yours a little. “I was—am—nervous. I was so nervous I forgot to be excited, which I am! I am excited about this, but I still find it so hard to believe. I- I said to you before that I’m not a person yet and I’m not. I don’t feel like I can give you what you deserve.”

Namjoon straightened up in his chair and folded his hands across one another.

“Didn’t we decide that I get to be the judge of that?”

You shrugged. You knew the logic was on his side but you couldn’t accept it.

“Well, then, unless I say otherwise, you are welcome—encouraged—to assume that you’re giving me everything I want.”

You couldn’t quite bring yourself to believe that and it must have shown on your face.

“How about this,” he suggested. “An agreement, a deal: if I want something from you, I will ask. If you want something from me, you will ask. Straight up.”

The fact that he believed you were capable of being that upfront about your needs, wants or desires almost made you choke on your wine. Half the reason (or even the whole reason) you had got into this mess together was because you weren’t capable, not even of being honest with yourself.

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“What makes you think I can do that?”

“Sometimes I think I know you better than you do, y’know? You don’t see yourself like I see you at all. I do think you can do it.”

It didn’t seem like you were going to get out of this one. So you nodded, hesitantly at first and then more surely. You could try, at least.

“Good. So now you have to trust that I will ask you when I want something. Maybe like right now.”

“Right now?”

“Yes. I want something from you right now. I want you to enjoy this date, please.”

You giggled, relieved.

“Ok.”

“Think you can?”

“Yes, I think so.”

He smiled and nodded and picked up his fork.

Namjoon was good at dating. And it turned out, when you let yourself relax, you were good at it, too. The laughing and joking and flirting did come easily; the other stuff might not but you had this at least.

“I’m your equal,” you said suddenly, not knowing it was true until you said it out loud.

Namjoon’s eyes raised high on his forehead.

“Uh, yeah?”

“I mean, you think I’m your equal.”

“Yeah... Should I... not?”

You felt like you were beneath him, were convinced of it, but he never acted like he thought that. He never treated you like that. He treated you like an equal. He gave to you and he asked you to give back. He wanted this to be equal between you. As if you were equals. As if you—

“We’re in this together.”

A second passed and he blinked. Another second passed and his face softened, then relaxed into smile.

“Yes. We are equal. We are in this together.”

That was new for you.

“You like me.”

He laughed.

“Yes, I do. And you don’t believe me when I say it.”

“It’s not—well, I suppose... I don’t know. It feels hard to believe. Sort of. One the one hand, I believe it, because we’re here; you’re here and we’re having fun and you- you asked for this, you wanted it. You want it. So, I believe it. But, at the same time... Dating has not been a part of my life for a long time. Being wanted hasn’t been part of my life for a long time so it feels—I guess I thought I was over it? That part of life? I guess I thought that was it, y’know? I couldn’t leave and my husband didn’t like me or love me or maybe he did but not how I wanted it, not how he used to, not—I don’t know. That makes it hard to believe.”

You paused and sighed, inwardly rolling your eyes at yourself. Because you were making this all about you. You could hear yourself doing it now.

“Sorry,” you continued. “I keep- it's not- I-… I know I keep bringing it up, making excuses or something. I’m just always dragging my baggage into everything-”

Namjoon shook his head and you paused long enough for him to speak.

“You can’t let go of your baggage; it’s your past and it’s part of you and you’re talking about it like it’s ancient history but it’s been less than a year. Things take time. And, you know... You won’t ever be able to put the baggage down, but there are things you can do to make it easier to carry.”

“Like what?”

“Therapy?”

“Can’t afford it.”

“I can pa-”

“No.”

“Why n-”

“No. I said no.”

He rolled his eyes playfully.

“Ok, well have you ever considered talking about your feelings?”

“Hey! I’m trying!”

“And I’m teasing.”

And he was. Because he could. Because he knew you well enough both to make the joke and to know that he could. He knew you. And he was sitting here across from you teasing you about it. Teasing you about your shit as if it were endearing. As if he liked it.

Because he did.

“Ok, then, Namjoon,” you swivelled your now-empty wine glass in his direction, “tell me this: do you kiss on a first date?”

He leant back and tapped his hands on his stomach, tipping his head side to side as he looked at you.

“Well, that depends.”

“On?”

“How well the date has gone.”

“And how well has it gone?”

His eyebrows raised.

“Oh, is this date over?”

You gestured to the empty plates in front of you, the wine bottles emptied, too. He leant forward then, elbows on the table, chin resting on his hands.

“You mean you don’t want dessert?”

A shiver ran through you, part-delight, part-relief. This was the part you could do. Sex was… It was easy. You were well-practised now. Namjoon was familiar. You fit. You were comfortable. It was so much easier to physically expose yourself to him than it was to be emotionally exposed. And it was a relief that he still wanted it, too.

“Well,” you said, leaning in to mirror his pose, “I didn’t say that exactly. What dessert do you have in mind?”

He held your gaze for a second, maybe two, then he scooted his chair back across the tile floor with a screech and walked over to the freezer. You snorted with laughter when he started digging through it.

“Hm, we’ve got… one frozen hotteok and… most of a tub of mint choc chip which must be yours and, honestly, is kind if making me re-think this whole thi-“

“I am not having this argument with you again. You have known this about me for long enough now. Either accept it or kick me out.”

He looked over at you as if he were considering it, kicking you out, as if he were considering making the joke, pretending to kick you out. He put both options back in the freezer and kicked the drawer shut.

“I think I’ll keep you around a little longer.”

“Is that right?”

You stood and carried the empty plates over to the sink, placing them down gently before slotting yourself between Namjoon’s legs as he leant against the fridge.

“So… Dessert?”

“Oh, you actually want the mint ice-cream? I c-“

He was half-turning, as if to re-open the freezer and you pushed his shoulder back into place.

“No.” Moving even closer to him, close enough to smell him, close enough to have to tip your head up to see his face. “I was thinking… something else.”

You lifted onto your tip toes and he bent his head to bring you almost nose-to-nose.

“If you kiss me right now, that means it’s a good date, right?” you asked, whispering into his mouth.

His only reply was to do just that, kissing you gently, his hands resting light on your hips. But it didn’t stay gentle, didn’t stay light. Because it had actually been days since you’d been this close to him; not since he’d asked you on this date had you tasted him. You slid your hands up his arms and linked them behind his neck; you let your balance fall forward into him so he was more lifting you than you were standing, the tips of your toes just grazing the ground now. His hold on you was tight, secure, like it always was, like he didn’t want to let you go.

Until he did. He broke from you and lowered you to the ground once more. Your brain whirred in a series of question marks as he straightened up, the distance from your mouth to his bigger and bigger.

“To be clear-“ his voice was lower now, a little strained. He cleared his throat. “I want to be clear: I don’t fuck on the first date.”

You tilted your head to one side, mouth still hanging open.

“Uh, you… don’t? I mean- we’re not… We aren’t going to have sex?”

He shook his head, eyebrows pulling down over his eyes.

“Is that a problem?”

“No! No, of course not. It’s fine. I just… I’m just… surprised, I guess.”

Surprised and disappointed. Surprised, disappointed, and confused. Because it was entirely reasonable for him to not want to have sex on a first date, or even a second, or a third, or any time, but… this wasn’t really a first date. You’d had sex before, plenty of it. Just days ago, even. Had something changed? You weren’t sure what. You didn’t know how to do this, after all.

“Ok, no sex on the first date. How many dates does it take?”

You needed a number to shoot for; you needed to know when it might end, the not having of him, the nerves, this anxiety and vague discomfort unsettling you.

“How many?”

“Yeah, if you don’t have sex on the first date, which? Second? Third?”

“You sound like you just want to get in my pants.”

“Well, yeah, I know what’s in them.”

It was a joke. You had thought it was a joke. You expected him to laugh, or grin at least. Smile a little.

The joke fell a little flat and silence fell between you for a beat too long.

“Is it that important to you? The sex?”

You’d mis-stepped. You’d got it wrong but couldn’t work out why. The sex always worked between you. This was the part that was supposed to be easy. Did dating really have to complicate everything?

“I don’t know what you mean… Isn’t it important?“

There was a pause before Namjoon replied.

“You remember before I went away, when I told you I didn’t want to sleep with you anymore?”

“Yeah.”

“Because I wanted to get to know you?”

“Yes.”

“That still applies.” He shrugged. “We’re dating now, right? I want to date you. I want to get to know-“

“You do know! You do! You said yourself you think you know me better than I do!”

“But there’s still so much I don’t know! The dating stuff: where did you grow up and what is your family like and all of that stuff. I don’t know any of that… Look, I’m not saying I never want to have sex, obviously, and I’m not trying to… hold it ransom or something I just…”

He trailed off and you didn’t try to fill the gap for him. You couldn’t. He just what? He just what?

He shuffled and averted his gaze, staring down at his fingers tapping on the counter.

“I just don’t want it to be the only thing you want from me.”

It hit you like a ton of bricks. The only thing? But you wanted everything.

“I know you’ve said you want this,” he continued, turning back to look at you, his eyes inscrutable and his courage in being able to look at you unfathomable. “I know that. And like I said, I’m trying not to take any of it personally because I know this is hard for you and I know you’re trying and I don’t want to make you feel bad—I’m really not trying to do that—but I just… when I have doubts, I doubt that you really want all of me.”

You blinked. You could’ve been knocked down with a feather. HE doubted? HE doubted that you wanted him? Before you could reply, a little voice piped up in your head:

‘Well, can you blame him?’

No. No, you couldn’t.

So much time passed in your surprise that Namjoon sighed and moved past you, reaching for the tap and sponge. He turned on the water and started to wash up while you still stood, unmoving, struck dumb by the revelation that… he felt the same way as you. That… he knew how you felt. That he could understand.

It began to dawn on you that maybe this was what sharing feelings was all about. Maybe this was what it got you: understanding. Maybe if you had shared your feelings before now—long before now—so much of your trouble and strife might have been avoided.

You didn’t share feelings. You didn’t grow up in a family that shared feelings. And you grew averse to it, cautious of it, sceptical of it. Then you grew scared of it. Scared of all the secrets you were keeping. Scared of letting them out. You were so scared of your feelings that you had let the fear of them control you. Maybe sharing them wasn’t weakness after all.

“I don’t think you want all of me.” It wasn’t a radical statement coming from you; you’d basically said as much before, but it felt different now that you were echoing him.

He paused and you realised he was waiting for you to continue.

“I- I don’t just want sex. I do want it but I don’t only want it but I-”

Fuck, you could feel your skin prickling knowing what was coming. You could feel sweat begin to gather in your palms. You couldn’t look at him as you said it. You weren’t as brave as he was. You took a deep breath and looked at his feet.

“I feel like it’s the only thing I have to offer you.”

He opened his mouth as if to protest but you didn’t let him interrupt.

“I told you before I’m not a person yet. I don’t have things to give. I’m… I’m blank. My life is blank but you, being with you, sex is… You make it-”

You squirmed, uncomfortable, horrified by your own act of disclosure. You looked pointedly away from him, reducing him to a blur in your peripheral vision, the only way you felt you could continue.

“… Colourful.”

It was mumbled, barely audible.

“Huh?” Namjoon asked and you groaned.

“You make my life feel… not blank.”

“Hm? Are you sure that’s what you said?”

A flash of frustration burst in you and you turned to glare at him, only to see him grinning, almost laughing, at you.

“Namjoon!”

Your hands balled into fists and you couldn’t stop your left foot stomping the floor.

“Say it. I’m going to make you say it.”

“I don’t want to!”

“You have to!”

You cried out to the ceiling and continued staring at it as you said it, a little too loud and a little too aggressive.

“You make my life feel colourful! You bring colour to my world! And I hate you!”

You heard him laugh and then you felt his arms around you and his lips on your cheek.

“You’re cute.”

You made a show of trying to push him away.

“Shut up. I don’t like you anymore.”

“Hey, you’re supposed to be honest with me.”

You sighed and leant into him.

“It’s not just about sex,” you said, muffled against his shirt. “It’s just that sex is the only time I feel… It’s the only time I don’t feel this gulf between us.”

“There’s no gulf.”

“Yes, there is.”

“You think there is but there isn’t.”

You looked up at him, pouting, stubborn. He rolled his eyes playfully.

“Ok, fine, let’s say there is a gulf. You know what also exists? Bridges. Transport. A gulf is not uncrossable.”

“I know it’s not, because it’s not there when we have sex.”

“I’m not going to sleep with you tonight-“

“I know! I’m not- sorry! No, I know. I’m not trying to pressure you, sorry. Sorry. I-“

“It’s ok, just making sure we’re clear.”

“We are.”

He stepped backwards and took your face in his hands. He kissed you, just a little, just enough to make the noise in your head turn down, to make a soft hum start up where the anxiety had been.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to,” he said quietly, his face still close to yours. “I do. But we’ve done this all in the wrong order and I want to…” He moved back and you didn’t flinch this time when he tucked your hair behind your ear. “I want to do things right. For you.”

You broke the eye contact first, swallowing hard as you willed the moisture in your eyes to disappear. You nodded.

“But—” Namjoon lifted your chin and tilted your face to his—“We can kiss as much you like, what do you say?”

“Yes please.”

It was late now. Make-up off, pyjamas on kind of late. You were lying in bed, all too awake because you could feel Namjoon next door, knew he was there, and felt his absence in your bed like a new kind of presence. It was keeping you up.

So you did the only thing that made sense to you. You got out of bed and knocked on his bedroom door. He came to it, blinking and dishevelled.

“I know we can’t sleep together but… can we sleep together?”

He frowned, confusion written large across his sleepy face. You walked past him and climbed into his bed.

“Like, sleep. As in, actual sleeping. Just sleeping,” you called across the room as you shuffled down and pulled the covers up.

You saw him shrug as he shut the door and made his way back to you.

“I’m not sure this is very first date behaviour,” he mumbled, his voice low and groggy.

He nevertheless wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close against him.

“We’re not on the date anymore,” you replied. “This doesn’t count.”

He kissed your shoulder.

“Is that right?”

“Yeah.”

Silence followed his responding hum and you felt sleep tugging at you quickly, surrendering yourself to it more easily than you had managed just five minutes ago.

“Besides,” you whispered, your words slow and thick and fighting against sleep, “I always sleep better with you.”

“Mm, me too.”

You weren’t sure if he was really awake; in the morning, you didn’t even remember the exchange. But you did sleep better next to him and you woke, happy in his arms.

Epilogue 4 | Masterlist | Bonus Chapter 2

#namjoon x reader #namjoon fic #namjoon fluff #a fine line fic #bts x reader #bts fluff #bts fic

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boysbeloving · 2 years ago

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Happy 1st Anniversary of KinnPorsche the Series!! 🎉 🎊 🥳 🥂

allow me to be emotional a bit (i say this as if i'm not emotional over the series and the actors every other day lol)

kinn and porsche are SO precious to me...as individuals and as a couple...i relate to kinn a lot: his struggles with a parent, his crushing sense of duty, trying to fit into the world he's forced to be a part of, him not always knowing how to communicate feelings...i had talked about it a bit here about how soft he is despite everything around him and ya...kinn is extremely close to my heart because of these things...i see myself in him (barring the killings and sadly barring the butt sex too)

porsche is just....SO MUCH lol!!!! if i spend time with him i would need 3 to 5 business days to get my energy levels back! but i understand his love for his brother and relate to how he's fiercely protective of him (i'm the same with my sister...but she's older than me)

and ofc mile and apo

man i related a little too much with apo's early life struggles lol...him being told to always 'correct' himself, him feeling disconnected with who he is made to be, being subjected to casual homophobia at workplace (he talked about these things in the On That Day interview and that press con that had happened with the entire cast)...the fact that he felt so unhappy coming back home from the US...it broke my heart and it hit a little too close actually...i had talked about this a bit here (i feel apo is queer coded) coz it reminded me of things that had happened in my life quite recently at that time and the fact that both apo and i were still going strong gave me a sense of kinship with him (hahha 'kinn'ship haahhhaha)...i ofc don't have a mile who has been a positive and happy addition to apo's life since he came back but i am making efforts to have those positive and happy additions in my life

and one of these positive and happy additions happens to be the kpts fandom....y'all....it is SO AMAZING TO BE PART OF THE FANDOM.....y'all are SO TALENTED! the art, the gifs, the meta, the fics, the vids, the polls, the thoughts on the characters, the crackposts, the textposts, the fandom archivers! i'm so thankful to all of you...each and every single one of you

and lbr we've had our fair share of trials and tribulations but because i'm only on tumblr and not on any other social media sites, it has been generally a brilliant experience...i have made such great friends, have talked to a bunch of you, received amazing mile thirst traps in my inbox, have been entirely inappropriate in writing my shameless tags in posts, have openly admitted to my armpit and armpit hair fetish (i made armpit appreciation gifsets ffs), have again very openly talked about my other kinks as well (i think y'all know 🙈) (the armpit fetish admission has led to a beautiful friendship that i cherish <3 and my thirsty tags have led me to meet my feral twin <3)

personally as well i felt like investing myself more into the fandom and the series and the characters and the actors....it made me do things that i had not done before! i talked to fellow fans actively, i made gifs (low quality and using free software lol but i'm actually happy with them), i wrote stuff, like i legit made an ao3 and wrote some stuff lol! i have not done that before and again it is primarily for me and i'm proud of myself for doing these things y'know

last but not the least, kinnporsche the series gave me my thai husband: mile phakphum romsaithong .... and for this alone, it is the best thing out there in the world 🙈🤣

the anniversary of my foray into the series will be next month (it was mile's asscrack that convinced me to finally watch the series that kept trending on tumblr from time to time) but let me be emotional today too

thanks y'all and happy 1st anniversary!

#wow that got entirely too long #kinnporsche the series anniversary #i just wanted to let y'all know that i love you #it has been nice....to actually like something so intensely....it had been a while #how are you celebrating the anniversary?#i ate 3 samosas and a chocolate chip muffin #and did other important personal things...all in all a very productive sunday!#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #my tumblr wife that i got from the fandom is in the replies ♥️

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think-ill-watch-it-burn · 18 days ago

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Hiiii my sweet babies!! 🥰

I don't have anything new to post, but I did want to let any die-hards still out there following me know that I'M STILL ALIVE and doing far, far better than I was the past few times I posted.

The Good News - since things have settled down some more in my life - finally - I'd like to start to get back into writing!

The... Potentially Disappointing News - I'm not sure how much writing I'll be doing for FF, at least for the time being. I'm going to try to ease back into it, but I can't lie - it does remind me a bit of some of the worst times of my life. BUT I've never let that stop me before, and to be completely honest, you guys - my followers and the FF community as a whole - also helped me through those hard times more than you'll ever know. It might sound silly but you guys were the brightest light in some of the deepest darkness I've ever encountered. I'd like to thank each and every one of you for that, from the bottom of my heart!

I'm going to share a little bit about what's going on in my life under the cut if anyone's interested. But for now, sadly, this is both an I MISS YOU and a hiatus post for now for my FF family. I promise I'll try to respond to some of the requests and asks currently in my inbox, and I may post a little bit for my current obsessions (anyone still playing Mass Effect: Andromeda? No? Just me? 😅). And with season 3 just over the horizon - I'll be back. We all know I won't be able to stay away. I just need some more sweet, sweet Konro in my life. 🥰

Anywho, I just wanted to say HIII to everyone and let you all know I'm not just alive but thriving and happy. And that, sooner or later, in one form or another, I'll be back. ❤️

So, going to try to keep it brief. I think I mentioned something about my daughter going into foster care, having left my abusive ex and fighting to get custody of her back. Well, if I didn't update on it since then... I did, ultimately, lose custody of her and she was adopted by her foster family. The GOOD NEWS!! They're amazing people, spoil her and her adoptive brothers rotten, and treat me like a part of the family. So despite things not going the way I hoped, they turned out better than I could have imagined.

Since then I've met a wonderful man who treats me like a princess. We have a son now, four months old (born two months premature but thriving now), and moved from Pennsylvania USA to Florida USA. I always wanted to move south but... I think I may have overshot the mark, LOL. It is HOT! My pasty northern ass WAS NOT prepared. My overconfidence faded fast when I stepped outside, melted, and proceeded to drink the air-soup this past summer. We're coming into the cooler season now and for the first time ever in my entire life I'm actually looking forward to winter!

My daughter and family are coming down just after Thanksgiving and we're meeting up - it'll be the first time I get to see her in person in over a year AND she gets to meet her baby brother! She's soooo excited to meet him - I'm off the radar for her but she's beside herself waiting to meet him! LOL

We also added a furry child to the mix - a kitty named Fox - and my boyfriend's dad (with whom we currently stay) has a sweet little long haired chihuahua with an underbite named Harley. His teefs are the best. And our son is his absolute best friend in the world. He waits outside our bedroom door every morning to come in and say hi! Fox... actively avoids, but he's coming around. I think.

That about sums it up. Not only am I no longer wallowing in misery but life is finally pretty good. I hope all my babies are also doing well in these wild times we're having (especially here in the US). Stay safe and happy my friends. We'll see each other again real soon. ❤️❤️❤️

#burnie tawks #burnie update #for my beebs 🥰#hiatus

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heytheredelulu · 5 months ago

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✨WIP Wednesday✨

I was tagged by @flowersforbucky to post a snippet from my current WIP. I’m actually on a break from writing FF so here’s a snippet from a chapter in my book I’m hoping to self publish next year. We are currently in a very rough draft stage. 😅

“Damn, Jay got you good this time.”

“Shut the fuck up, Michael.” I growl at my cell mate, falling backwards onto my cot. Once the comment slips from my mouth I immediately feel remorse for it. Mike’s a good guy, he’s had my back since I transferred in from juvenile detention and he shouldn’t have to take the brunt of my anger just because he happens to be the closest available person to take it out on. I scrub a hand down my face before offering my hands up in apology. “Sorry, Mike. That wasn’t-”

“Nah, I get it, it’s cool.” He replies, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. His expression softens and gives away the impression he really isn’t offended, despite his body language.

Mike flashes me a sympathetic smile, flipping his dark, overgrown hair back off his face. I can’t help but shake my head every time he does that goddamn hair flip. His entire physical appearance screamed ‘punk’, from his hair to his stretched earlobes that hung oblong without plugs since they were confiscated in processing. If I had ever run into Mike on the outside we definitely wouldn’t have been friends. Then again, I probably would have never run into him in the first place, since he likely spent his time hanging out at the docks of a shitty midwest mall, smoking trash marijuana in a Green Day t-shirt and dirty Chucks while drinking Four Lokos that he lifted from a Circle K.

But as I learned on the inside, you take your friends when you can get them. I stopped making assumptions based on appearance from pretty much my first day here, as I learned relatively quickly that people don’t fit the stereotypical build for their crimes; especially the particularly fucked up crimes. Those guys look so normal that it’s a daily reminder that monsters really do walk among us as men.

“I scored some smokes, I’m happy to share.” He offers as if that’s supposed to make me feel better and it was all a part of his master plan to cheer me up after having my eyebrow split in half. “I don’t smoke.” I reply, staring up at the ceiling.

“Maybe you should start.”

“And maybe you should stop.” I counter and he barks out a laugh, raking a hand through his hair. “We all got our vices, man. At least mine’s harmless.”

“It’ll kill you.”

“I’m already dead inside.”

Okay, he’s not punk, he’s a goddamn emo.

“I really am, you know.” He says quietly in my lack of reply and I close my eyes so he can’t see me roll them. I’m really not in the mood for an unsolicited therapy session. I know Mike’s torn up from his crime but does he have to lay it on so fucking thick?

Oh woe is me, to have seen what I have seen, to see what I see!

There’s some irony in the fact that I of all people would immediately think up a Hamlet quote in response to Mike’s recurring self-pity.

I’d like to think it’s because it’s fresh in my mind due to the lack of variety in reading materials in prison and not some strange parallel my brain is trying to establish. I certainly hope that as the son who carried out a revenge murder I don’t create a domino effect that causes myself and those around me to descend into madness.

I am but mad north-north-west. When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw.

Jesus Christ, Jay must’ve hit me harder than I’d thought.

💋 Sj

No pressure tags: @lokisgoodgirl @drabblesandsnippets @targaryenvampireslayer @mrs-illyrian-baby @thezombieprostitute @sarahowritesostucky @longlivedelusion

#wip #wip wednesday #tumblr authors #writers on tumblr

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phoenix-downer · 2 years ago

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KH3 Retrospective

I can’t believe it’s been four years already since KH3 came out. It both feels like it came out ages ago and just last month. Above was the very first screenshot I took as I started my playthrough. I was so awed by how good the textures for the stained glass on the Station of Awakening looked.

Something I did while I was playing KH3 was create a little Google doc of my first reactions/impressions (as well as spamming the screenshot button lol). Here was from the first page:

New version of Dearly Beloved is gorgeous - sounds similar to DDD version a little

Sora’s opening line is so good - Kairi is his home

Opening - Kairi and Sora’s chess pieces by each other

Kairi’s piece is the paopu piece

Riku looks gorgeous

Everyone looks beautiful

The door opening to save everyone there at the end

Seven hearts to save

Sora’s holding Xehanort’s piece at the end - checkmate?

Station of Awakening is GORGEOUS - looks like actual stained glass now

Showing Sora’s memories

Wisdom, vitality, balance - which one?!

I chose balance (yay SDG!)

Guardian, Warrior, Mystic

I chose Guardian (yay Namine!)

Tidal wave, then Sora ended up in cloud world

Destati sounds awesome

Sora’s opening lines are so good

Mysterious Tower music sounds so good

Cable Town looked gorgeous - Land of Departure?

Sora’s theme sounds kickass

Ending scenes from 0.2 played again to catch you up to speed on SDG

Next year for the fifth anniversary I want to share more of the document, perhaps in a more organized fashion (I also had a reaction document for ReMind and Melody of Memory that I might share excerpts from in the future). It’s just such a neat little time capsule of my immediate first reactions to everything, and while I had to use the pause button a lot, it’s fun to look back on what I was thinking in the moment before my later thoughts/perceptions took over. Definitely worth the time it took to record everything.

For KH4 I want to continue the trend, as it also makes for a fun way to share the first playthrough experience with my friends and it makes it easier to write analysis posts later on.

Summarizing my thoughts now on KH3:

The good: Beautiful graphics, world environments were a huge upgrade, the music was amazing, the humor in the Disney worlds was really good, Olympus Coliseum, Kingdom of Corona (the dancing minigame!), The Caribbean, San Fransokyo, Wayfinder Trio Reunion, Xion’s return, Roxas’s return, all the heartfelt Sora and Kairi moments, Young Xehanort, the Keyblade transformations, having more than two people in your party at a time now, the Luxu reveal.

The bad: No true midpoint to the game, no FF characters, the climax was rushed, wish Naminé was more involved, the way Kairi got “killed” was super bleh, and I’m still not a fan of the original ending (the secret ending excluding Kairi also made me ehhhhhh).

And this leads me into another part of the document. When I consume a piece of media, I like to think about what worked well and why. It’s just really fun to celebrate good writing and learn from it, you know? Hence all the translation/analysis posts I’ve done of certain scenes from KH3. I also like to figure out how I would “fix” anything that didn’t land for me because it’s also a good learning experience, and at the end of my initial thoughts document, I actually included a list of things I thought would improve the writing of KH3. Of course, this is all based on my own personal feelings/interpretations, and as it stands, ReMind fixed a number of them anyway. But I thought I’d share my initial “fixes” in bold and then my thoughts about them now.

Writing Changes:

Have Sora think about Kairi a la KH2 - Flynn/Rapunzel, Will/Elizabeth… - this isn’t really going to be changed at this point for obvious reasons, but I missed the little moments where Sora was thinking of Kairi in KH2 (like when Will and Elizabeth hugged, when he saw Jack and Sally dancing, etc.) and thought those would have strengthened the romantic plotline of KH3.

Sora’s reunion with Riku was anticlimactic - ditto, not gonna be updated at this point, but I remember thinking oh that’s it lol when technically we hadn’t seen them onscreen together since 2012 (trailers notwithstanding). In universe it makes sense though because it hasn’t been that long since they’ve seen each other. Plus, I assume their reunion in KH4 will be good, so I’m looking forward to that.

Sora’s reunion with Kairi was also anticlimactic - see above, not gonna get changed at this point, but I wish they’d gotten a moment together before the big group meetup or at least him reacting to seeing her again. We hadn’t seen them talk directly since Blank Points I think? (trailers notwithstanding). So yeah I was a little disappointed there wasn’t more to their reunion, and again I think a little moment or brief scene that could’ve built up to the paopu fruit more. And at this point in the game I definitely got the feeling that Nomura was rushing to finish before deadlines hit + the burnout was setting in and he couldn’t spare any time to extras like this, just the core scenes that had to be there (group meetup, Aqua and Ven convo about Terra, Riku and Repliku scene, Kairi and Sora paopu sharing scene). He might have also had to do a bunch of last minute rewrites, who knows.

Have Kairi actually send her letter to Sora - I assume this will happen at a later date, looking back now it feels like foreshadowing, so I’m not sure why I complained about this lol. I do think at some point Sora will read the letter because why go to all that trouble of showing Kairi writing it + having her read it to the audience if it won’t be significant down the line? The focus on Sora’s smile makes me think he might get the letter when he’s feeling really down and needs to be cheered up, but we’ll see.

Have Sora have some way of contacting her like he can contact Riku - Yeah idk Square acts allergic sometimes to the love interests contacting the main character (see FFXV...), and in universe she was training with Merlin and Axel in a place where time flowed differently etc. so I get why she didn’t. Again I was just thinking of ways the paopu scene could’ve been built up to more effectively within KH3 itself (obviously the paopu scene has been foreshadowed since KH1 so that wasn’t my issue, more that I wanted more buildup within KH3 that built on the buildup we saw in KH1 and KH2 and Blank Points).

Keep Kairi getting killed… but have it be because she was protecting Sora of her own free volition - Yeah I’m still not happy about how this was handled. ReMind helped make this more tolerable because she did get to fight Xehanort by Sora’s side, but I still think her “death” could’ve been handled a lot better. And that’s all I’ll say about that lol, it’s a topic that’s been discussed to death at this point.

Go into more depth about what YX said - I think this was about all of Young Xehanort’s cryptic foreshadowing to Sora, I honestly can’t remember lol. But I do think, now that I’ve replayed the game, the foreshadowing works well, so I think this was more of an initial reaction on my part.

Show Sora going to rescue her - This was one of my biggest issues with how KH3 originally ended, and I remember feeling robbed that we didn’t get to see Sora’s rescue mission of Kairi, but little did I know what Nomura had in store lol. ReMind more than fixed this, and I will be forever grateful to it and to Nomura for knowing how important this was and making sure it was added to the story. ReMind elevated KH3 so much for me, and looking back, I really do think Nomura was making the best of a bad situation (engine switch a year into development, tight deadlines, Disney being strict, serious burnout, sky high expectations...) with vanilla KH3, and I hope he gets the development time he needs to tell the story he wants to tell with KH4. I just remember reading some of his interviews post-KH3 and you could tell how exhausted and burnt out he was, and I really hope he doesn’t go through that again.

End things on a less gutpunch of an ending - I know some people loved KH3′s ending so this is subjective, but I did not lol. Thankfully, ReMind fixed this and made the ending more bittersweet now that we’ve seen Sora rescuing Kairi. It feels much better knowing he got those moments with her traveling the worlds before he disappeared.

Roxas and Sora barely interacted - ReMind fixed this too (noticing a pattern here?) I was really happy with the additional screentime they got in ReMind together because honestly, their relationship is one of my favorites in the entire series.

Sora still hasn’t thanked Namine - I assume this will happen at a later date, I just remember thinking poor Naminé hadn’t gotten thanked yet. But I do think Nomura has something specific in mind for this scene and we will see it at some future date. So less of a “this should’ve been in KH3″ thing and more “oh bummer I’ll have to wait a while yet to see this.”

Xehanort got off easy - I think this whole plot point was a victim of the rushed pacing that impacted both the climax and ending of KH3. I remember thinking to myself that Xehanort should not have gotten to die and go to Keyblade Heaven with Eraqus in the same game where he “killed” the protagonist’s girlfriend (which resulted in the protagonist’s “death”) especially not so soon after it happened. But in a way it’s also kind of realistic? The bad guy doesn’t always get what he deserves in real life, so I can see why Nomura took this angle here (though I would argue that in stories you can show good triumphing over evil and in fact people tend to want that more than realism due to the escapist nature of fiction). Then again, I’m kind of biased because I’m not a fan in general of turning Xehanort from a main villain to a misunderstood guy with an angsty backstory who was manipulated by the True Big Bad. I get the feeling we haven’t seen the last of him given that art of his younger self with an umbrella that came out for Dark Road’s ending, so I’m bracing myself for him to show up in Quadratum and team up with Sora, and meh, I just wish the series would move past him at this point, you know?

Destiny Trio still not a trio :( - fix that - I do hope that we get more Destiny Trio interactions in KH4, but looking back, I kinda get why there wasn’t a whole lot of them in KH3. The focus was more on Sora and Kairi’s relationship since that played such a key role in the climax and ending of the story, and there will be time in the future for the three to interact more. Nomura had that quote about how KH3 would feature relationships changing etc., and we did see that with the focus more on Sora and Kairi’s relationship (plus Melody of Memory gave us some Riku and Kairi interactions, and KH4 is probably gonna feature some good Sora and Riku interactions given how they’ll probably reunite before Sora and Kairi do. And then Kairi and Sora’s reunion will be important given how they were separated, and I imagine there will be at least one meaningful scene of the three of them together).

Have Kairi fight back while she’s being taken - in her defense, it was very realistic for a short, petite fifteen-year old girl to have trouble fighting back against a grown ass man who 1) towers over her and most of the rest of the cast, and 2) is wrenching her arm back in a way that meant she’d likely dislocate her own arm if she tried to fight back. I just still wish this entire plot point had been handled differently, but it’s in the past now, not much more to be said about it.

Roxas and Xion were freed maybe when Sora “died”? - I think I had this on there because I thought the story would’ve benefited from the rescues being spread out more, giving time to focus on each one and allowing some longer soft/quiet moments with the character reunions.

Anyway, thanks for reading all this. It was interesting going back and looking at my initial reactions to KH3 and how my thoughts and feelings have changed over time. I think the big factors in the shift are that ReMind really added so much to the story and fixed most of my major issues with it, and I have a better picture now of all the stressors Nomura had to deal with to get the game out the door. Honestly it’s probably a small miracle the vanilla game turned out as well as it did given all the factors he was working against, and for that I have a lot of respect for him. And it was clear he was aware of the issues, you know? Otherwise he wouldn’t have released ReMind. He wanted KH3 to be good and he wanted to make the fans happy, so he did what he could to improve on the base game. And there are some truly fantastic moments in the base game and ReMind alike that I loved analyzing every single piece of.

How about you guys? How have your thoughts/feelings towards KH3 changed over time if at all? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

#kingdom hearts #kh3 #kingdom hearts 3 #kh analysis #kh meta #kh retrospective #kh #retrospective #long post

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bourbon-ontherocks · 1 year ago

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this is the depressing ask. beware. 😂

first I want to thank the writers for so helpful reminding us of 305 with the line about naked suspects. clearly, morgane wasn’t there to witness adam’s frightful interrogation because she’d have eviscerated him then and there (that’s what I like to think, at least).

bref. the ending. are we really doing this? I feel like this conversation’s been had a thousand times before yet the show doesn’t seem to have heard any of it. or doesn’t care. (I’ll let you list off the reasons why it’s an awful twist, if you feel up to it, because I’m frankly too tired for that)

I hate the way they showed a sonogram as if to hammer home she’s carrying a child, not a fetus, when it's the other way round. I hate the mamma mia montage, as if figuring out whose genes are involved is the priority. I hate the 306 retcon, get this shit away from me, both their drinks were spiked. I hate that we’re supposed to believe none of these grown adults (the ones who weren’t drugged, at least) considered protection. especially morgane--she’s had DREAMS about this, ffs, there’s no way that wouldn’t cross her mind. I hate the ramifications of every single way this could go down (too long to expound but you get me). I hate that there’s even a shred of doubt about how this will go down. I hate that they served us some watered-down so-called feminist juice for a whole season and still decided to use morgane’s body as an open ground for drama.

given the way they’ve addressed the question in the ep, I’m very pessimistic about s4. Idk about you but my only solace is knowing it’s out of our hands, anyway, so I don’t have to waste my energy trying to change anybody’s mind.

thanks for sticking along on this ride. wouldn't have had it any other way. and good luck for the year ahead of us, everybody. the only way out is through! 🤞

Nodding along at everything you said because yeah, and also while I liked Adam's line about naked suspects, your point about Morgane finding out about it just gave me a fantastic idea to add to my WIP, so thank you for that!

Now for the ending.

I think there are two main points to distinguish here because obviously, my personal distaste for pregnancy and baby storylines makes the idea of Morgane bearing a fourth child everything I don't want to see. BUT, had the circumstances been wildly different, I could have come to terms with it and accepted it, as in "Yeah I don't like this turn of events but I can get over it because it makes sense narratively and serves an interesting purpose". What actually makes this finale awful are the circumstances of this pregnancy, and now we're getting to the essay-ish part of this post where I'll try to explain

Why HPI finale is lazy, infuriating, and profoundly anti-feminist

Just like you point out, this mamma mia scenario was already explored in… well… mamma mia, plus countless other stories, zero originality here, I expected better from HPI tbh. And I read just yesterday an interview with the producer saying "Season 4 be like, we're looking for a baby daddy instead of a murderer lolilol", yea guess what, I DON'T CARE. For a while after watching the episode, I dared to hope that the montage in the end was purposefully misleading, that soon Morgane would come to her senses and remember that she did use protection with at least Timothée and David, because I 100% agree with you, it's ridiculous to make us believe that none of these people ever had a thought about contraception. Timothée even said "We're not trying yet", which means he kinda knows how not to try, no? And also I can accept the idea that Morgane isn't on any kind of birth control because it happens (some women react badly to pills and IUDs, etc), but she was with Ludo for half a season so they must have used condoms, she has to know and think about it (and like you said, she's DREAMED of it, and explicitly said that SHE DIDN'T WANT A FOURTH KID - I'll get to that later because it makes me fume). Besides, she's had three kids already, she knows how this all works. So yeah, it's lazy and implausible.

What I find particularly infuriating in this 3-baby-daddies plotline is also the deeply misogynistic trope of seeing a female character unable to enjoy an unapologetic sex life with multiple partners without getting punished by the script with an unwanted pregnancy. This is the literal definition of slut-shaming by the way. I was going to say that I didn't see where you found feminist vibes in the show, but then I remembered how much I loved the way Morgane expresses her feminity, her desire, and her sexuality, and…. yea, this is exactly the point I'm trying to make (also I loved seeing childfree, 40+ characters who were thriving but that's another discussion I guess). Seeing that we're still there in 2023 legitimately makes me sick.

Speaking of misogynistic tropes… I guess the ONE detail that really makes me want to throw spears at the writers is the sixteen weeks' mention. By purposefully making her too far in her pregnancy for abortion, they robbed her of having a choice. I mean, they could have got her two months pregnant, and then for some bad (imo) reasons she'd have decided to keep the baby, it would have made no difference for what's coming next. I wouldn't have loved it, sure, but it would have been fine by me because at least it'd have been her decision. Here she's just subjected to the plot, and like you said, her body is used as a narrative tool, and it feels like a slap in the face. Not to mention that even here they fucked up the timeline, because she fucked Timothée, David, and Adam in the span of like 4 days, right? Literally the day after the LSD adventures she and Adam decide to wait for three months, and the montage insists on how on the schedule they are. And I'd say that 307-308 happen within a week maximum because Redbone's not one to wait three weeks for his money lol. So 3 months is 12, 13 weeks at most, which means that in the end, Morgane is 14 weeks pregnant AT BEST (which makes her still eligible for abortion, mhhhh, see where I'm going with this? 🤔), and not 16. The only valid explanation would be that it's Timothée's baby and that she was already pregnant when she had her other encounters, but since the show seems to go in another direction, then it means that they purposefully fucked up the numbers so that she CANNOT consider abortion, which is the most dehumanizing, disempowering thing you can do to a female character.

They're literally forcing a pregnancy on her, and I want to throw up every time I think about it.

Speaking of which. Morgnane's already had three kids. Also, she told us in season 2 about her first-trimester symptoms. And she's supposed to be smart, hell that's the WHOLE point of the show. So there's no way she wouldn't have noticed that she was pregnant again, unless she denied her pregnancy (which would explain her total absence of symptoms, incredulity at the hospital, and possibly the fact that her brain erased her sexytimes with Adam). Now pregnancy denial is one of my greatest fears in life, so I can hear that this was particularly triggering for me specifically, but still, this is an incredibly traumatic experience to throw at her, and a source of huge emotional distress. SHE STATED SHE DIDN'T WANT A FOURTH KID FOR FUCK'S SAFE AND YOU ARE FORCING HER TO GET ONE WHEN SHE'S AT HER LOWEST, AND YOU'RE EXPECTING US TO FIND THIS FUNNY??????? I mean just go sell potatoes and stop writing shows because this is an insult to the art of writing.

😠🔪😭

Sorry I need a minute to have a good cry and yell at the abyss.

Okay, I'll just close the 16-week essay by saying that I entirely blame Audrey Fleurot for this, and this is what I base my theory on:

I mean, cool bro if it worked for you (except it didn't, do you want to talk again about your post-partum? Is that what you're planning for Morgane?) and I get that acting can be a therapy in some way, but this is getting way too close to the target, just get the fuck out of the writing room if that's what you're going to come up with, PLEASE.

I'm not sure where you see a 306 retcon though, for me it's pretty clear they were both under the influence, had sex, and blacked out about it (which as @earanie and @hemerae-ramblings pointed out, is highly unrealistic since memory losses are NOT a side-effect of LSD, but I can hear the argument of denial here). But speaking of 306, the finale completely doomed this episode for me, because in retrospect it feels like a giant set-up. The LSD scene is ONLY here to make it possible for Adam to have unprotected sex (side point here, I'm actually not mad they hooked up, even though it's kind of frustrating to see it happen this way, because I find the "offscreen banging reveal" a hilarious yet underused trope, and also I like the messiness), and while this last point is in a way funny, the worst part is the three months window at the end, which has in fact NOTHING to do with Adam sorting his feelings or whatever but is only here to forbid the possibility of abortion for Morgane, and this makes me want to stab people multiple times.

Also, one last thing that I find absolutely disgusting is the fact that Morgane and Adam (presumably) conceived a baby against their will (there's a whole other discussion to have about consent here but I won't go there for today) while solving a case about a BABY BORN FROM RAPE. I mean, can you make it more icky than that? Do the writers even acknowledge the irony of this? Do they even care? This baby is doomed by the narrative from the fertilization stage, and we're supposed to enjoy it as a comedy?

And now I assume we'll get to watch a forced coming together between Adam and Morgane due to the circumstances, which means that even if they end up together we'll never know if they actually wanted it? What a way to kill a ship, man, I've seen shows pretty efficient at ship-sinking but this has to be in the top three.

(somehow there's a wild irony in the fact that both the showrunners and the main cast have been saying on repeat from season 1 that they didn't want to make that disappointing season that ruins most shows, and yet they managed to spectacularly fuck-up and promise the worst season ever, and they're already paying for it audience-wise...)

See, all of this is the silver lining I'm holding onto for now, in the hope of a miscarriage (which would also be incredibly traumatic for Morgane, and still an objectified-by-the-plot scenario, but at this point our options are limited. Also for now the showrunners are only mentioning the pregnancy but not the baby so maybe there's a tiny chance she actually doesn't have it), because there's no way anyone could rejoice from this. And if she does have this baby, and if it's Adam's, then I'll officially change their shipname from Brosse Adam to Brosse & Rachel, and this will probably be my last contribution to this fandom. Hated this in Friends, will hate it in HPI.

I'm not pessimistic about season 4, anon, I just don't want to consider it at all. Obviously, I'm ready to withdraw everything I said here if they choose the only acceptable outcome (abortion) and actually make an extremely powerful narrative and political statement about it, but I know it's off the table. Having to endure such a plotline in 2023, at a time when women's right to dispose of their own bodies is threatened everywhere in the world, is a very painful punch in the face, and I sincerely hope they'll get a ton of backlash on social media for this. I just saw this morning that the airing of 308 had the lowest audience numbers ever in the show's history, and I can't say that it makes me unhappy.

(I was lowkey hoping for a cancellation at this point, even though I know the chances weren't great, but I found out today that the show was officially renewed so we won't even get the solace of knowing they can't do any further damage... Eh 🤷‍♀️)

Finally, the thing that saddens me the most isn't even what they did to Morgane and to the show, it's what they did to our community as a result. I have been alone in this fandom for almost a year, and it was incredibly frustrating. And then people joined, created content, interacted, had fun, and we had such an amazing time together, writing, giffing, vidding, sharing theories, jokes, and thoughts. I've met some incredible, witty people, some of them I dare to call friends. And now it feels like everything is falling apart. Friends are leaving, or considering to. Group chats have turned into support groups. The writers didn't only ruin the show, they took away the enjoyment we gathered from it, and it sickens me. Personally, I've had a very rough first semester of 2023, and this community is what has kept me afloat. It's made me smile and laugh in times of sadness, it's given me a shiny, quirky escape that I'll never be grateful enough for. And to witness it all collapsing really hurts. I do hope it's just a bump in the road, that we'll come back eventually, sticking together and collectively despising canon, ignoring it by ferociously writing AUs, and roasting the timeline, and making Daphné-centered vids, but I'm not even sure myself where I stand regarding my own involvement in this fandom. Nothing else to say, I just miss what we had, that's all 😢

Now that I'm thinking about it, "J'avais tellement envie que ça marche entre nous" is exactly how I feel about canon right now. You know when I said that getting into a new hyperfixation felt like falling in love? Well, this shitty ending feels like getting ugly dumped.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, anon, and thank you for sticking with me too. It's too early to say if this is officially the end of Julia's adventures with the HPI anon or not, but please know that I've loved every second of the ride and that I will never forget it 🥲

😘🥃👻

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this-is-krikkit · 11 months ago

Note

So… Fanfiction Writer Bingo. Do you still use/ever read your old stuff on Fanfiction.net? Did you prefer this platform to Tumblr/AO3 or do you find writinf and publishing is better on these?

Love you 💜

to answer your first question, dear titans in paths, no i fucking don't!! i did check it out again when i did that bingo thing (cringe intensifies) and the last time i posted on there was 6 fucking years ago 😱🤯 full disclosure, i get the urge to delete my account every once in a while, basically anytime i'm reminded of ff.net's existence, but i try not to give in. it's a part of who i was, yk? besides, opening my inbox on there just reminded me of the absolute pleasure it was to get my first ever feedback on my writing so.... yeah. i'm never rereading any of that shit though, i used to be even worse at writing than i am now BIG YIKES

as for the platform itself, the interface was terrible (still is) and imo counter-intuitive to use, so i don't miss that. also the option to read comments (aka reviews on there) directly from your profile would only appear, in RED ITALIC LETTERS DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOUR FIC'S TITLE, if someone left you a review. so in whatever interval of time before someone did, it would be glaringly absent, which always felt like a stab to my lil sensitive writer's heart (i was a teenager, gimme a break 😳). oh, and the search system is subpar, minus one million over ten, never would recommend even to my worst enemy, run for your life and give up trying to find whatever you were after on there shudders

i did love, however, that replies to comments were private and therefore couldn't count as another comment!! which is something i loathe on AO3, because it fucks up the stats and forces me to reply publicly, which i'm not a fan of. plus, it would open a direct, private line of communication between writer/reader, and that was a great way to meet like-minded people, to make friends, to elaborate future fics together, to discuss headcanons... there was a real sense of a writing community, i feel, that might be lacking a little on ao3 (which is why i link all my ao3 fics to here, though it's still not the same).

ao3 is definitely more modern and practical, but sometimes i miss the good ol' ff days. and i don't actually like posting my fics on tumblr, but i feel like i have to so they get what little visibility they can get x)

#i mean i once posted poetry in my native language terra CAN YOU BELIEVE #BIG YIKES INDEED #writing things #personal #fanfiction #ff.net #mutuals asks #bestie #dont f with moogles #long post #this doesn't count as a weird ask bc it's just very sweet #as are you ♥️♥️#ao3 #fanfiction.net

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kitaishi · 9 months ago

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i took a break from playing all week and picked up the again yesterday. finished ch.8 but not moving onto ch.9 until i finish the open world stuff.

so far i'm enjoying the game a lot; probably the first FF game i don't have major complaints about in like 10+ years (sorry to xvi fans that follow me but i dropped that game. didn't vibe with it - especially after yoshida's multiple comments about brown/black people in the game when asked about it). and speaking of melanin, rebirth has a lot in all shades, it's really cool to see!

hopefully we see this reflected in the actual main cast more but i'm really pleased.

as far as the story, i have some gripes i won't go into yet but i'm really pleased with tifa's writing in this game at least. a lot of my complaints about it in remake are gone and she feels more like her OG self imo. i also think her writing in terms of her relationship with cloud is a lot better too. i told this to a friend on discord but i really didn't like the 'childhood friends uwu' stuff in remake; clo/ti should be filled with tension, bad communication, and an unspoken wall up between them despite how badly they want to talk to each other. it's why i liked the kalm and junon scenes - you see that but you also see them apologizing to each other and trying to get better at communicating and understanding each other.

I really loved this scene, it reminded me of Case of Tifa, and considering there's a lot of little details from Traces of Two Pasts, I feel like it was intentional:

I thought it’d be fine if everything just washed away. Wash away my past. Our Past. And why not me too?

this line made nearly made me scream because a consistent post-game change i had in my older blogs was that she moves into the house cloud can buy in costa del sol ( b/c who tf would want to live in edge! )

i will say that i wish there was more for her on her own but they're following the flow of disc 1 pretty accurately so hopefully we get more of her own in part 3 when she's the party leader. they heavily hinted at her reuniting with zangan at the end of TotP and i'll probably get the 'student surpasses the master' fight i've been wanting there.

i'll probably save more of my thoughts on aeris on her blog when i beat the game but so far, the writing for her is mostly fine but i feel like i have more gripes here than in remake. i wish there was more cetra stuff for her but i still have a couple chapters left so i don't want to start complaining too early.

i guess in terms of negatives: having the palmer fight and a shooting mini-game right after the dyne stuff was tonally kind of distasteful and i wish the devs would just let moments breathe more. the other characters don't ALWAYS have to have something to do. as far as the zack stuff, i'm struggling to see the point of them so far if i'm being honest. the concept of them felt cool originally - kind of like this laguna style other half like in viii - but so far the execution of it feels a bit botched imo. thankfully, they're short enough before they start feeling intrusive.

also i usually don't cry or get emotional playing video games but seeing this older lady and two kids at the golden saucer made me start crying for a couple of minutes; it reminded me of how my grandma, how passed just a little over two years ago, took my brother and i to disney world when we kids. we don't have any pictures of it anymore due it getting lost from moving so i just have my memories.

#★ . ━ ❛ ooc .#obvious spoilers under the cut #//#///#////#rebirth spoilers //#rebirth spoilers

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yournameoneverypage · 2 years ago

Note

didn't you start around the time of Shawmila round one ,or am I mistaken here ?

and you did like and support Shawn (and Camila) back then ,at that time.

so ,I'm wondering ,as why you clearly seem to have a problem with Shawmila round two ,atm ?

also wanted to give my feedback on your latest story ,I think that didn't do as well as you're used to ,is coz it doesn't have the same flow to it ,your reglar readers are used to seeing coming from you (btw: I read a story -actually think it's part of a book ,if I remember correctly- with a very similar style and theme to it ,prior on wattpad ,being completely honest ,it reminds me more of that ,than of your previous works) .

that's my opinion ,anyways ...

closing off with a question ,are you planning on doing smth Shawmila (I mean ,that book of yours ,that was already on hiatus ,and now with Shawmila ,appearing as if the breakup was all just a dream ,and time stood still ,or smth ,you're definitely not going to continue with an oc ,or am I thinking (perfectly) wrong (on this topic ,as well) ) ?

(ps :didn't expect your comeback so soon ,the way you were sounding so negatively ...)

I’ve been a fan of Shawn’s for just over four years, but I didn’t start my Shawn tumblr till early April 2021. (Happy belated two-year tumblrversary to me?)

No, I’ve never been a fan of Camila’s, nor have I ever liked them together. I don’t believe you’ll find anything about her in my archives. I tried never to disrespect her (publicly) because of my respect for Shawn, that’s all. So, having never liked them together, and seeing the state he was in for so long following their split, and how he seemed to be doing SO well without her recently, his choice to begin again with her is disheartening. I love him and only want the best for him, and in my personal opinion, she’s not it. I don’t want to see him hurt again.

Thank you for your honest opinion on my last story, and I agree with you about the flow. It’s definitely not one of my better stories and I have moments where I wish I hadn’t posted it. (I even apologized to my friend, who was the requester, that it wasn’t better, but bless her heart, she still said she loved it.) Idk if you follow me, and if you do, for how long you have been, but in previous posts of mine, and for awhile now, I’ve spoken about my struggles with my writing. I haven’t opened any of my documents/started requests/WIPs since then. I’m not currently in the right headspace. I don’t feel like I can give my best right now, and I don’t want to post anything (else) subpar.

I’m not a regular reader on Wattpad, - I can probably count on maybe two hands how many stories I’ve read over there, - so any similarities to any story over there was completely unintentional. I won’t hesitate to remove FF if ever necessary. The only person I’ve ever intentionally plagiarized is myself (taking pieces of earlier, incomplete stories and fitting them better into new ones).

I’d still like to complete my OC story, with my OC character. I really don’t want “Some Girl” to be just another abandoned story. I’m just not sure how long that’s going to take. And no, Camila won’t be returning in any capacity. Why would I write him back with Camila in any way when Charlotte is perfect for him?

I haven’t fully returned to tumblr (or any social media), - three reblogs/posts and a few asks after ten days is hardly a “comeback”. I just don’t want people to think I’ve given up on Shawn, because I haven’t. 💕

Thank you for the ask, anon. 🫶🏻

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lillotus17 · 2 years ago

Text

NCT MARVEL AU

okay so like a couple months ago I posted that I really wanted to write an NCT MARVEL AU FF... I might have deleted it I honestly cant remember I also added other SM ARTIST as side/extra/antagonist characters in the plot and right now im currently debating if i wanna find more Marvel characters that I think fit Shohei, Eunseok, and Seunghan.. idk lmk. im still working on the first few chapters and the moodboards of all the characters but it's going to take a while and i've been working very slowly since i am currently in school and have a part time job because in this economy... oof a girl's really struggling. anyways here is a small draft (with no mood board sorry im still woking on it :( ) of which MARVEL Characters the NCT members are going to be portraying

Playlist: Villian by Key ft. JENO | Hero by Martin Garrix and JVKE | Wish you were here by SUPERM | more to be added!

Lee Taeyong as Captain Marvel (Carol Danvers)

okay so i actually considered Iron Man, Falcon, Captain America, and gamora in mind for Taeyong but Iron Man matched johnny a bit more because of his personality and jaehyun suited captain america more imo

taeyong still fits a character with a strong leadership role, cus i mean cmon NCT tired dad/leader-nim

Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel is just tryna fit in and find herself/remember who she is and she finds out that she's a super powerfull highkey baddie and HELLO? Taeyong is that

she has a strong and emotional sense of leadership, willingness to help and protect others and like come on is that not tayeong???

she's (one of) the first avengers and asdfghjkl;

so yeah

carol danvers is a baddie

taeyong is a baddie

pErIoDt

Moon Taeil as Moon Knight (Marc Spector)

okay so like

this kinda just clicked? lmaoo i feel bad- well more like a geek but like MOON Taeil and MOONknight

i finished watching the MoonKnight series on Disney+ a while ago and loikeeee

Marc Spector is a hot SOB

steven grant asdfghjkl; dont get me started

oki tho im like lowkey debating if I want to include Marc's multiple personality but like he's not Moonknight with out steven soooo

might add a little twist to it

but Taeil gives me more Steven Grant vibes than Marc Spector ngl

he's a lil nervous anxious dork yknow?

did consider falcon and war machine for taeil though..

like tony and rhode's relatinship screams johnny and taeil LMFAOO

idk might make some changes...

Seo Youngho/Johnny Suh as Iron Man (Tony Stark)

cocky lil shit and a sexy ass mf

like tell me it doesn't make sense?

homie just wants to spend money and build suits

smart, hot, and rich? yes please

his wit and smart mouth

like imagine johnny "Jae (Cap) you've got a potty mouth"

tony has a heart(?)- there's proof LMFAOO

his sense of humor just screams johnny

had star lord (peter quill) in mind for him too

Nakamoto Yuta as Winter Soldier (James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes)

one intimidating bitch

but a highkey softie

gonna kick ur ass if u fuck with him or anyone he cares about

highkey mysterious

did consider hawkeye, war machine, and falcon for him tho

also considering changes in characters lmk what yall think too!

Qian Kun as Dr. Strange (Stephen Strange)

man can fly a plane

lmaoo sorry that literally has nothing to do with him being a doctor but tell me why in every goddamn MAFIA AU i read, he's the medic

his relationship with yangyang and ten remind me of dr. strange and wong lmfaoooo

lowkey a perfectionist/perfect man asdfghjkl

Kim Dongyoung/Doyoung as Dare Devil (Matt Murdock)

had hawkeye, war machine, and falcon in mind for him

war machine cause of his sense of duty and seriousness- and his relationship with johnny also reminds me of tony and rhodes

also thought about making him nebula (and falcon) cus of his relationship with taeyong

anyways matt murdock is a hot mf

a lawyer? yes please

doyoung likes to argue cus cmon 127 is always on his ass for no reason headahhh lmfaooo

ngl thought there were a lot a members and i did put some thought into this and he matched daredevil best imo

Li Yongqin/Ten as Black Widow (Natasha Romanoff)

bad bitch right here

assassin, bad bitch

have you seen the way he moves?

have you seen the way she moves?

no words, no explanation, it just is and it just makes sense

like fr let's argue

IM JP don't come at me

had hawkeye in mind for him too

Jung Yoonoh/Jaehyun as Captain America (Steve Rogers)

america's ass

like cmon manz representative emoji is a peach

can't really put my finger on it either

like maybe it the masculinity (not meant negatively tho!) and altruism in the both of them(?)

both hot as fuck for no reason

other characters that i think suited him were falcon, winter soldier, (kind of) hawkeye, and black panther

Dong Sicheng/Winwin as Hawkeye (Clint Barton)

oki so i did have black widow in mind for him

and if im being honest it was kind of hard to settle with hawkeye for him

winwin is someone is focused and serious much like clint barton

i mean cmon man was a dancer and that shit takes dedication and patience

like learning how to use a bow and arrow

also had vision in mind for him too

when i first started to get into NCT winwin kind of came off as a timid person, and he's not really affectionate so it kind of screamed vision vibes

Kim Jungwoo as Quick Silver (Pietro Maximoff)

his cute lil personality

"bet you didn't see that coming?" ackkkk

is a caring sweetheart

like pietro wants nothing but for his sister to be happy and protected

jungwoo makes his members happy

Wong Yukhei/Lucas as Thor

okay so like NCT 2018 Halloween special kind of took over

personality wise, lucas and thor are kind similar(?)

like their sense of humor

thor is lowkey the most laid back avenger despite being a prince

and most of the time i can't take lucas seriously

also another character i was kinda of iffy unsure about

idk maybe its just me but lucas seems like the type that would shy away from responsibilities and his asgard duties as king for something more chill

then again thor did do that soooo...

Lee Minhyung/Mark Lee as Spider-Man (Peter Parker)

do i even need to explain?

lmaoo oki so like i was reading a post about how some people don't like mark

which i lowkey found hard to believe but then it made sense

like no disrespect

anyways I do believe mark is a hard working person and he does try to be humble about it but like also its okay to bathe in the glory and be shameless- then again easier said than done, again no disrespect- i love mork

pure hearted and true to himself

much like peter parker

Xiao Dejun/Xiaojun as Shang Chi (Shaun)

lmaoo man is 1/3 of wayv's walking meme group

every time im on tiktok lmfaoooo

lmao i guess the way i picked theses characters to match the members is based on the relationship the members have soo

lmaoo shaun's relationship with katie reminds me of luxiaodery (is that the correct name for them?... wayv 99 liners)

again hot asf

like imagine xiaojun in the bus fighting scene

Wong Kunhang/Hendery as Ant Man (Scott Lang)

also 1/3 of wayv's walking meme group

man is fxcking hilarious

another "do i even need to explain?"

just makes sense

lmaooo well actually i did consider Star Lord for him

Huang Renjun as Yelena Belova

okay so hear me out

i though of gamora or nebula for him too

lmao he's a tiny lil agressive man

ready to bite at any moment

very deadly

snarky (<< affectionate) and witty like Yelena

"i don't get my period dip shit. i don't have a uterus" *said with a russian (chinese) accent and the fact the renjun doesn't have a uterus*

like that line screams renjun lmfao

Lee Jeno as Black Panther (T'Challa)

RIP to Chadwick Boseman

anyways

when mark graduated from dream *sad noises*

jeno gave me hard leadership vibes

like he filled the role so well without actually filling it

and i've noticed how popular he's become lately with all these stage collabs with other idols

prince king jeno

nice ring to it ;)

sense of what is feels right and does what he believes is right

wants to do well for himself and his members

did consider him for hawkeye and falcon

Lee Donhyuck/Haechan as Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff)

sassy lil birchhh

haechan is a very caring person and althoug sometimes it seems like he's acting a certain way to hide his feelings i do believe he is very emotionally inteliegent- however he is kind of impulsive (emotionally)

reminds me of wanda

powerful bitch, like hello vocals?

fight with so much effort and purpose

needs support and is his members number one supporter

Na Jaemin as Falcon (Sam Wilson)

oki so like

this was also a toughy

consider hawkeye, black panther, winter soldier, dare devil, war machine, and a bunch of other... also docor strange cus mans wanted to be a surgeon if he wasn't an idol lmaooo

but tbh no characters really ever stuck with me for jaemin

he's lowkey someone is doesn't gaf and doesn't want to be here but still knows how to have a good time or make up for time

serious and yet isn't

loyal and supportive to his members

Liu YangYang as Kate Bishop

lmaoo renyang and kate and yelena vibes

like "bro what if i killed you, (renjun/yelena)?"

but like he didn't soo???

lmaooo curious and nosy

liek sticks his nose into everyone's business

whether its for funsies or a mission

but he does well in getting whatever information he needs

gave me loki vibes tho

Osaki Shotaro as Vision

he's so cute ackkk

kind of came off as an awkward lil bean to be but i think that was just because of the language barrier with the other members

but it also a reason why i thought he was a good fit to portray vision

cus they're bother still learning

not afraid to ask questions

supportive and kind of goes along with things

a bit naive and questions his morals or rights and wrongs

fast learner imo

Jung Sungchan as War Machine (James Rhodes)

okai so like

idky but i though he would have been a good match for star lord

kind still iffy ish because is he young and although this is a ff i fell like he would have matched a younger role/character

also thought he would have been a good fit for shuri

can't really say much

i feel bad cus this is a bit more of a last pick

i really did want him to have a character that was more interactive with shotaro since that are really close

also thought of a cloak and dagger duo for sungtaro

again might make dome changes so lmk yall's opinion

like im tryna take this seriously and make it make sense but also im not cus again this is for funsies

Zhong Chenle as Loki

again, im sorry but another "do i even need to explain?"

boy is hella mischievous with that lil smirk he always has

when he messes around with his members, esp jisung

lmao poor jisung

like "oh yall need an illusionist you say? no problem lessgo fuck around with some bad guys"

i know he's supposed to be a lowkey two-faced, flippity floppity bad guy but idc im making him good

cus deep down loki does have a good heart

Park Jisung as Shuri

hear me out

i know he doesn't seem like the brightest but like he really is

and i know yall agree because hacker!jisung?

yeah, that's what i thought bro

considered vison for him too

and kate bishop

and groot- well like a modified hybrid version of him

big brother jeno and little brother jisung duo

yeah

just yeah

periodt

Shohei, Eunseok, and Seunghan

okay so like

im not really sure what marvel characters suit them best

im tryna stray from X-men charcters

but idk might have to make some changes

js that haechan might justbe switched to deadpool cus cmon

and as i was writing this i had a bunch of second thoughts about with members were portraying which characters

im a bit of a perfectionist as you can see

Anyways! thanks for reading this and please feedback is and will always be appreciated! again i apologized for my pace! i am currently on winter break but im working so i haven't had much time to write anything :(.

anyways comment and reblog if you wanna see what i have in mind for other SM Artist and who they'll be portraying!

-lotus

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