#This has been the longest break I've taken from that in two years and I uh needed it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hyuckmov · 2 years ago

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haechan — if i believe you

haechan x fem!reader 10.6k, angst & fluff, fake dating to real a/n: thank you all for waiting...this is the longest thing i've ever written :) i really hope that you can enjoy this and the emotions and everything are immersive and not too annoying with the miscommunication/repression i hope. these two are my favorite ever, quiet haechan is my favorite ever and i would love to revisit them maybe in a later fic. anyway, let me know if you like this!! thank you for reading <3 it’s a little difficult to be around your friend group when they’re all like this.

it’s a little past midnight, and you don’t know how it happened but the room has been split into happy pairs, all in their own world. movie on the tv forgotten, jaemin has his arm slung around a girl as they whisper to each other on the floor next to the couch, which is taken up by jeno — currently very endearingly laughing at something his girlfriend said. renjun was arguing with his girlfriend, but you know that neither of them truly meant it. you don’t know how it happened, but it seemed that this year, the trip to jaemin’s beach house had turned into a triple date for which you were seriously 7th wheeling. the sight makes your heart hurt a little, because you suddenly feel so crushingly lonely.

“still here?”

you almost forgot that haechan was here too. almost.

sliding in to sit next to you on the kitchen island, he was dressed cozily for bed: his hoodie rolled up to his elbows, smelling slightly of toothpaste and fabric softener. you didn’t actually talk to haechan that much, you were always closer with jaemin in the friend group, but sometimes when eating together he’d catch your eye after a particularly terrible joke, or you would raise your eyebrows at him for something questionable said. you had almost developed an entirely non-verbal form of communication in that way, the two of you sharing your humor, and yet you didn’t actually know a whole lot about each other. a part of you thinks that you know a different haechan from everyone else, because in all the looks you pass each other and the comfortable silence you share, the haechan you know is quiet and sensitive, with a world of kindness in him that made you feel calm. and although you know he can be obnoxious and loud, his laughter echoing down corridors and smile brighter than the sun, you much preferred the haechan you knew.

you also thought he was the prettiest boy you’d seen in a long while — something casual about the way he would smile, or wink at people, and his habit of poking his tongue in his cheek…but you weren’t going to tell him that.

“yeah, still here.” you exhale. “when did you make your escape?”

“about 30 minutes ago.” he smiled fondly at the happy couples in the room. “it’s a bit funny how the room just rearranged itself. i could’ve sworn jaemin was beside me at the dinner table the entire night but somewhere along the way he dematerialised and reappeared next to the sofa.”

“love can do that to a person.” you rolled your eyes, before pausing to consider that maybe haechan was not quite in the same predicament as you. “hey, speaking of, why didn’t you bring your girlfriend?”

because you were sure that haechan had a girlfriend, who he would sometimes leave gatherings early to see. you vaguely remembered renjun complaining about how he always had to walk her to class, never showing up to gatherings anymore because of some surprise or another.

haechan blinks at you. “don’t have one anymore. we broke up quite a few months ago.” at the guilt-striken look on your face, he shakes his head to reassure you.

“i’m over it,” he says softly. “don’t worry about me, okay?”

you can’t imagine anyone breaking up with haechan — haechan who was so gentle. with his radiant smile and his arms full of flowers whenever he surprised her. haechan who walked her to her classes.

“i’m sorry to hear that. you deserved better i’m sure.”

he smiles, and it looks kind of shy. “if you say so.”

“hey y/n-” you look up at jaemin’s voice, and realize that somehow, the room had emptied out while you were talking to haechan. the only person left was jaemin, who had just finished clearing the bottles and snack wrappers. “we’re going to bed, i’m going to turn out the lights now.”

“okay, thanks jaem.”

he made to leave, but stopped abruptly. “ y/n, remember-” jaemin looked at you sternly, one hand on the light switch, one pointed at you.

“repeat after me: do not trust how you feel about your entire life past 9pm.” a pause, as he glances at the clock on the wall. “or 1am, for that matter.”

you laugh. “thanks jaem.”

“repeat it”, he insists.

“do not trust how i feel about my life past 1am.”

“good.” jaemin nods in acknowledgement to haechan, flicks the light switch, and just like that, haechan and you sit alone at the kitchen island, illuminated by the moonlight through the glass doors.

suddenly, it is so quiet you feel like you want to sit in the moment forever.

you look over at him, and haechan raises his eyebrows. it is a look you know well. care to explain?

“sometimes i get really emotional at night”, you explain. “tend to overthink. jaemin knows that because i’m always calling him talking about one thing or the other.” thinking about how embarrassing it would be if you started oversharing, you quickly promise, “but i’m working on it, don’t worry. i won’t do that to you.”

haechan smiles. “i don’t mind.” he blinks at you and supports his chin with his hands. “we have all night. tell me what’s on your mind right now.”

“really?” you look skeptical. once again, you and haechan haven’t really talked that much at all. you think this is maybe the longest conversation you’ve had with him, with so many words.

“it’s okay if you don’t want to. but i’m just saying, i wouldn’t mind.” he smiles, and it warms your heart.

asking you softly if you would like something to drink, he gets up to make hot chocolate for the two of you. and you’re sitting there, not even trying, but suddenly the moonlight and the soft sounds of haechan padding around the kitchen are setting off a feeling of butterflies making their way to your throat from your stomach. there are shivers running up and down your spine because there is something tender and fragile in this moment that you can’t pinpoint, and a deep feeling begins to crawl its way, spreading through your toes and fingertips. all you know is it’s the feeling you get before you’re about to spill your heart out to someone.

“haechan?”

he hums, and the sound could break your heart.

“do you ever feel lonely sometimes?”

you hear the smile in his voice without having to turn around to look at him — its the one that starts at the corners and spreads slowly across his face. “so this is what keeps you up at night.”

“i’m serious, haechan.” running your hands through your hair, you are aware that you are beginning to sound like a rom-com protagonist, but you don’t care.

“sorry.” you hear the clink of teaspoons against cups as he stirs the hot chocolate. “i mean, i guess i do feel a little lonely sometimes. but it’s not…an all-consuming thought.” a pause. “i guess it is, for you though, isn’t it?”

you hesitate, before nodding because fuck it, this has been on your mind for way too long and jaemin was rarely helpful. always with his arm slung over another girl, you had a hard time getting jaemin to admit he got lonely sometimes.

choosing your words carefully, you continue your spiel. “it’s just…it’s insane to me how we are told that life is so romantic, that there are so many wonderful moments in love we can look forward to, but none of that is happening to me and it doesn’t seem like it will be happening any time soon.”

haechan comes over to you, and passes you a mug of hot chocolate. soothingly, he places a hand on yours where it rests on the counter. “you have to wait y/n. i promise, one day you’ll find someone who loves you, and all the things you’re dreaming about will happen.”

“you can’t know that for sure,” you press. “i mean, when will someone write a love letter to me? will we kiss in the rain in the park? will they run to see me at a new year’s eve party?”

“woah woah woah, slow down.” he nudges your mug with his, indicating that you should drink, so you take a sip of chocolate: it’s rich and warm.

“i’m sorry. it’s just over the years things just keep getting added to this list of love, and now that i look at it it just seems ever the more impossible.”

“love isn’t defined by actions and experiences,” haechan muses.

“but i want to experience these things,” you say, feeling a little shy at how raw this conversation was getting.

haechan smiles at that, at the yearning hidden in your small voice. the two of you sit for a while, nursing your cups of chocolate, lost in your own thoughts. enjoying the warmth of his hand on yours, you look at the glimmering countertop and choose not to say anything so he doesn’t move his hand away.

and suddenly, out of the blue, haechan asks you a question.

“just out of curiosity, what are some things on your list?”

feeling a little embarrassed, because really — sharing your romantic fantasies with someone was beyond intimate, you mumble, “just simple things. going to the aquarium. being a couple at the amusement park, on the ferris wheel. watching fireworks together. cuddling while watching movies in my bedroom.”

haechan thinks about it for a moment. you can almost see the wheels turning in his head. you sit in silence for so long, you’re about to ask him what he’s thinking about, or tell him it’s not that serious, when he speaks up.

“i’ll do them with you.”

you almost choke. “i’m sorry?”

“i’ll help you complete your list.” he looks at you, as if it’s a completely normal thing he’s just said.

“but…but i mean…” you blink confusedly. you were supposed to do those things with a boyfriend or someone you loved, not just as friends. that would defeat the whole purpose.

reading your mind, haechan added “it’ll just be like fake dating. i’ll pretend to be your boyfriend so you can experience all that you want to.”

you’re beginning to see a little bit of the haechan that you don’t usually get to see, as he grins at you and there’s suddenly something sharp to the smile you always found gentle. “the full, personalised, boyfriend experience. just so you can have a go.”

you laugh, but that’s just a cover for all the questions running through your head. “i-i don’t know,” you stammer. “does it even count if it’s fake?”

“you’re the one making the rules.” tilting his head to the side, his eyes glimmer almost teasingly.

“but what are you suggesting? what do you have in mind?”

“well…” haechan hums as he thinks about it. “i could do everything with you on the list, as your fake boyfriend. in the timeframe that we’re going about carrying out this activity i’ll be fully and completely your boyfriend, yours to hug and kiss and hold hands with, until it’s over. then we can go back to being…” he smiles at you, hesitantly. “friends? does that work?”

this haechan makes your palms sweaty, and makes your breath catch. this haechan makes you feel jumpy, and nervous, and impulsive. you think you’d do anything he asked in that moment.

“okay.” you say slowly, and he smiles wide. “wait no.” you hesitate. “wait, fuck it, yes. let’s do it.”

he laughs. “are you sure?”

“wait.” his body heat is radiating off his skin as all his attention is focused on you. lips still pressed into a smile, his eyes bright and far too mesmerizing in the dim moonlight. and you can’t help but wonder then, “what if we catch feelings?”

tilting his head to the side in consideration, he leans in close, one arm reaching out to cage you in. the two of you are nose to nose. you can count his every eyelash, see the constellation of moles scattered across his face and neck. his breath so close to your own, that your eyes can’t help but flutter shut.

“then that’s the best part.” he whispers.

you try not to think about how you felt when haechan leaned in, or the way the circles he traced into the back of your hand were still burning. you couldn’t help looking for the smell of his perfume on your clothes.

you’re way too easy, y/n. this is only the first real conversation you’ve had with him.

you’re about to turn off the lights and call it a night, hoping to some power above that you’re able to reign in your emotions come morning, when there’s a light tap at your door.

“y/n? are you there?”

it’s him. you spend about 5 seconds debating whether or not to pretend you’ve already fallen asleep, but curiosity eventually wins you over. crossing over to the door, you place a hand on the doorknob.

“haechan?”

you can hear him shift from behind the door, pushing it so it keeps shut. “y/n, wait, don’t open the door. i just want to tell you something.”

slowly, you remove your hand from the doorknob and the latch clicks back, shut.

“okay…”

he’s breathing softly, and in the quiet you can hear it as if he were in the room with you. “y/n, i’m sorry i sprung the idea on you just now. you can forget i said anything if it made you uncomfortable.” he shifts his weight from foot to foot, nervously. “especially the part about catching feelings.”

“it’s fine,” you say softly, but there’s a little disappointment stinging at you. does he regret it?

“but also, if you’d like, i would really love to do all those things with you,” the words come out in a rush, as if he’s trying to be brave. “as fake lovers. without feelings attached.”

you don’t know what to say, and you can tell that for each second you stay silent, haechan is growing less and less confident behind the door. you run things through in your head quickly. this plan meant that you were able to jump headlong into romantic experiences you’ve dreamt of for what felt like your whole life, without the potential of them being ruined by a bad date, or waiting for years more to find the right one. and most of all, you trusted haechan with this.

haechan is leaning against the opposite wall, looking at the floorboards, but his head shoots up when you open the door.

taking a deep breath, you look him in the eyes. “let’s do it.”

“really?” shocked, he reaches for you — maybe to wrap you in his arms for a hug, but drops them, remembering what he had said about making you feel uncomfortable. putting his hands behind his back to resist the urge to swing you into the air, his expression of surprise melts into a huge smile. one that makes you laugh.

“you’re more excited about this than me,” you tease, and because you just can’t help it, you step forward and give him a quick hug. “thanks for doing this with me.”

instantly, his arms loop around your waist, squeezing tightly. “thank you for trusting me.”

the butterflies in your stomach, however, tell you that you were maybe being a bit too trusting. without feelings attached. because would that really be possible with him, who’s currently making your heart race and your breath catch?

it was a week since the beach house. and while the opening of summer felt optimistic and hopeful, now everyone had to wander back to their lives and figure out exactly what they were going to do for the next three months. jeno and renjun had an ongoing bet that jaemin would be fired from his summer job within the week. and jaemin had a bet with you that jeno and renjun wouldn’t find themselves a job that entire summer.

but you knew exactly what you were going to do for the season. and it all started with getting in the passenger seat of haechan’s car as he took you to a waffles place for breakfast.

“hey.”

“hi.” he flashes a quick smile at you. “you look nice today.”

“really?” you adjust the collar of your shirt self-consciously, checking on your hair through the rearview mirror.

“no, i lied.” he laughs, and the sound is all too fitting for the morning sunshine that flits in through the windows. “yes, i mean it. i like your shirt.”

“my shirt?”

“just take the compliment.”

you can’t help a smile of your own. “okay. i will.”

for a while, he drives in silence. it’s a peaceful sense of calm that you think you’ll come to enjoy. there’s a lot of comfort in just sitting next to haechan, watching his hands move on the wheel, his careful eyes scanning the road.

“so, y/n, i took a look at your list,” he starts.

you had texted him a small list of the things you were thinking about doing. the classic dinner and a movie. going to the amusement park. sharing a kiss while watching fireworks.

feeling a little shy all of a sudden in his car, you nod. “is it a bit much?”

“not at all,” he says quickly. “i was just wondering how you’ve never done some of those things before. i would’ve thought going to the amusement park was entry level honeymoon phase stuff.”

you nod approvingly. “it’s sweet that you think so.”

“didn’t you use to have a boyfriend?”

“i did,” you muse. “i dated mark a while ago.”

“our senior?”

“yeah.” looking out the window at the cars passing by, you think back to your time with mark. “he was always nice to me. but we never really went out and did things. we broke up because i was someone who loved romance, and he wasn’t.”

“i see.” haechan hesitates. there was something about the way you talked about mark that unsettled him, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. “do you think you could get back together with him?”

“trying to pass me off onto someone else already?” you don’t pick up on the shift in haechan’s tone, and mistake it for genuine curiosity. “i guess i could. maybe after these years apart he wants something romantic too.”

although the morning was warm, haechan felt a sense of cold sweep through him. he tries to brush it off. “well, thank your lucky stars you have me now”

looking over at him, his hair falling slightly over his eyes, the troubled crease of his brow, your thoughts of mark immediately clear. “thank you,” you say, a little too emotionally for the early morning and this car ride.

he looks over at you, and his chest eases up at the warmth in your eyes. “don’t mention it,” he says, and smiling at you is the easiest thing in the world.

the line for popcorn at the movies had stopped moving. fidgeting from the cold of the cinema, you wrap your arms around yourself as haechan stands by you, scrolling on his phone for a deal that he saw for a discounted drink combo. one arm slung casually over your shoulders, you lean into his touch just a little.

today he was helping you out by taking you for a date. specifically, the classic dinner and a movie idea that has been long since rendered obsolete, but you had never had a chance to do. standing in line, his fingertips brushing your shoulder, you recall how he had showed up 5 minutes early outside your apartment, holding a small bouquet of flowers, and doing the thing where he flicked his fingers to splay out the two movie tickets he had ordered early on. the two of you had dinner at a nice italian restaurant, and he had offered to pay but you insisted, since you were technically making him do all of this.

“are you cold?” drawing you out of your thoughts, you turn to see haechan, concern causing his eyebrows to furrow and his heart-shaped lips to form a slight pout. “why didn’t you bring a jacket? you knew we were going to watch a movie.”

the line moves forward by a fraction of an inch, and you take a step forward, haechan now standing slightly behind you. “i completely forgot,” you whined. “i just haven’t watched a movie at the cinema in a while.”

haechan bites back a smile, and slots his phone into his back pocket. the arm that is slung over your shoulder drops to your waist, while his other comes to circle around you from behind, and before you know it he’s pressed up against your back. you can feel the heat of his skin even with the thick hoodie he’s wearing over. dropping his head onto your shoulder, you feel him smile against your neck. “there,” he whispers. “now you won’t be cold anymore.”

trying to steady your nerves, you stare resolutely ahead. “couldn’t have just given me your jacket like a normal person?”

he shakes his head cutely, his soft hair tickling your jaw. “nope.”

you make sure your voice stays resolutely calm. “then what will we do during the movie? you’ll be sitting next to me.”

the line moves forward and haechan straightens, but his arms never leave your side. “guess you’ll have to hold on tight.”

and so you do. he ends up draping the hoodie over you during the movie, and he clings onto your arm, head resting on your shoulder. you hold on after the movie when he drops you off at home, grabbing onto his arm to steady yourself getting out of his car.

you hold on when he takes you for the next date at the amusement park; and when he tilts your chin upwards to press a kiss at the corner of your lips, your top-of-the-ferris-wheel moment, you squeeze his hands in yours and move so your lips slot against his. you tell him with your smile that it’s alright.

you hold on to him through your dates to the local aquarium, and to the beach. you let him pull you close as he drags you around the mall window-shopping, and as he guides you through clubs and restaurants.

and if some part of you gets scared that it might be getting too real, if some part of you feels a little hurt whenever he brings up the list or when he removes your hand from his, you ignore it as best you can.

“thanks for inviting me to this event,” you whisper, as you step into the doorway of the mansion, which really looks like a castle from the level of grandeur that meets your eyes. a man steps forward to take your coat, and you feel giddy.

“nah, sorry for stealing you away on some random summer night.” haechan smiles, and you feel a tug in your heart. in his suit, he looks like he belongs here with all this finery, the slopes of his shoulders and the slight cinch of the waist looking elegant under the chandeliers, the rings scattered on his hands catching the light in pretty ways. “besides, it’s all part of the experience, isn’t it?”

right. kissing and fireworks. trying to disguise the squeezing feeling in your chest, you smile back. “why do you keep bringing that up?”

“do you not want me to?” there’s something careful about the way he looks at you.

“i don’t.” you say, quietly.

“then i won’t.” he extends an arm for you to take. “tonight you’ll just be my date.” and with your heart thundering up your throat, he steers you into the warmth of the room.

you spend most of the night in the same giddy spiral of emotions, as he twirls you on the dance floor expertly, and winces dramatically when you step on his toes. your hands never leave each others’ grasps, as you stand around tables eating finger-food and drinking champagne. as the party went on, he introduced you through holding up your clasped palms to each of his parent’s friends, earning a lot of cooing and fussing about.

“haechan, how well you’ve grown up!”

“is this your girlfriend? haechan is so lucky to be with such a beautiful girl like you.”

“haechan! come say hello to the kids, they miss you!”

“this won’t take long,” he mumbles sadly to you, as an aunt of his insists he meet his cousins upstairs. “i’ll meet you at the bar, okay?”

“okay,” you smile, inwardly dying at the idea of haechan interacting with kids. as if he couldn’t get infinitely cuter. “have fun!”

“don’t let someone steal my date away,” he warns, as he’s pulled away. “i mean it – you’re mine tonight.”

you’re mine. you feel like you’re floating on a cloud as you make your way to the bar, you’re sure you’re at least swaying on your feet.

“woah.” a hand reaches out to steady you, helping you settle into a seat. “too much champagne?”

you gape at the man who’s sitting next to you now. “mark?”

fidgeting with the collar of his suit and looking very uncomfortable, he nods in greeting. “didn’t know you were coming to this thing.”

you look at him. he had gotten a haircut recently. but besides that in terms of appearance, he looked just as he did when the two of you were together, except for the fact that something about his demeanor was off. he looked tired, and there was something weary about his posture that hadn’t been there before.

“i was invited,” you tell him. “how are you here?”

“one of the ladies there is my aunt.” he pauses. “you’ve never met her. are you enjoying yourself?”

you think back to haechan’s smile as he sways underneath the lights, holding your hips. before you know it, you’re smiling too. “it’s a nice night. this place is really beautiful.”

mark studies you for a moment. “how have you been?”

“i’ve been alright.” you figure since there aren’t any hard feelings, you don’t have to make anything up as you would for an ex you were bitter over. mark was still a nice person, and he had been good to you in the right ways.

“it’s summer, so i’ve been going out more i guess. how about you?”

“i’ve been alright.” he downs his glass of white wine and signals for another one in a fluid motion, and you raise your eyebrows. shaking his head, he changes his answer.

“okay, things could be better.”

“why?”

“just been feeling a little lonely.”

you are so taken aback, that you let out a laugh. he looks at you, affronted, and somehow the furrow of his eyebrows makes you laugh even harder.

“i’m sorry,” you calm yourself down. “i wasn’t laughing at you, not really. it’s just…” you take a sip of your own drink. “i was in the exact same situation say a few months ago.” at his bewildered expression, you gesture. “please continue, though.”

mark shrugs and goes along with it. “i guess i was just realizing that i wasn’t as happy as i could be. there were times where i would be – i don’t know, having dinner, and i’d just think ‘damn. really wish i had someone with me right now.’ you know?”

“i do know.” you nod. “it’s crazy we’re experiencing the same thing, after, you know, so many years.”

“yeah.” he looks at you carefully. “crazy.”

“hey baby.”

a hand slides possessively around your waist, and you jump. the next thing you know, a pair of lips are kissing their way down your neck, as another hand snakes its way around you until you are fully in their embrace. craning your head up, you already know who you’re going to see.

“hi haechan,” you say breathlessly.

“sorry for leaving you for so long,” he murmurs, intermittently, as he continues to plant wet kisses on your neck. “the kids were going crazy.”

feeling like you were about to burn up into a crumble of ashes, you splutter out, “we have company.”

pulling away from you, haechan turns and stares at mark, coldly. “sorry, i didn’t notice.” his hand still draped over you, you can almost hear the forced normalcy in his voice when he asks, “and you are…?”

“mark,” mark supplies, awkwardly fidgeting with the coaster under his glass.

looking up at him, you see a flash of something race through haechan’s eyes, as he tightens his hold on you. “mark. well, hello, and goodbye.”

he pulls you to your feet, and you set down your drink hurriedly and latch onto his arm. “say goodbye to mark, sweetheart.”

“bye mark. things will get better, i’m sure of it,” you say, still left breathless by the turn of events.

raising his eyebrows, he turns back to the bar. “see you around y/n.”

“i don’t think so,” haechan chirps brightly, before tugging you away and past the throes of people, down a narrow hallway that was deserted.

“haechan, what are you doing?”

even in the dim lit of the hall, you can see his glower. “what were you talking to mark about?”

“i don’t know…” you shake your head, still a bit lost. “just about life, i guess.”

“did he ask to get back together with you?” he blurts out, suddenly.

“what? no!” you splutter.

“i heard him say he was lonely. who the fuck says that to their ex unless they want to get back together?”

you take the hard look in his eyes. hesitantly, you call out. “haechan?”

he huffs.

“he didn’t want to get back together, i promise.” he looks at you, warily. “and even if he did, i wouldn’t want to get back together with him.”

it is almost laughable how quickly his expression clears.

“you wouldn’t?”

“i wouldn’t,” you confirm. “i told you, i’m completely over it.”

“okay,” he sighs, in something that sounds like relief. and before you could even register it, he pulls you into a hug, crushing you against him. “sorry, i guess i got nervous.”

“that’s alright,” you whisper, wrapping your arms around him firmly, feeling his heartbeat against your ears, and you smile when you realise it’s racing.

“hey it’s almost midnight,” he dips down to whisper into your hear. “do you want to go to the balcony to watch the fireworks?” as you nod, he leads you gently away from the corridor and through a set of glass doors, stepping out onto a beautiful balcony. the night air smells like honey and roses, and the sky is clear and bright with moonlight.

you feel a tug at your fingertips, and you look to your side to find him smiling as he looks up.

“what are you smiling about?”

he hums. “i’m smiling about the fact that my date is the prettiest girl at the party.”

you pretend to wrinkle your nose, and use your free hand to hit him on the shoulder. “corny.”

“you love it.”

and because it’s been weeks, and haechan is slowly making a home in your heart, you decide you need to at least start acknowledging the honest truth of the matter, so you don’t say anything.

as the night sky fills with fireworks and the people inside the party cheer, he turns to hold your face in his hands, the tenderness and warmth in his eyes unparalleled by the lights in the sky.

you tilt your face up to kiss him, and as his arms fall to your waist, with a jolt you remember his voice at the bar. hey baby. the term of endearment swirls in your chest, and makes you drape your arms around his shoulders and pull him just a little closer. the two of you don’t break apart for what feels like hours, as you lose yourself in the feeling of his soft lips on yours, the brush of your noses, and the slight tremble of his fingertips on your cheeks. it feels and tastes as real as you have ever known.

except it’s not real. and you can’t ignore it. so you avoid it.

keeping busy and finally diving into all the things you wanted to do for the summer was your only way of telling haechan you couldn’t make it for the next ‘date’, or the next. you can tell he’s a little confused, but since the whole thing was your idea, he’s trying his best to respect whatever pace you’re deciding to go with. you push it all away, and you try to live life without thinking of him and his hands, the way he closes his eyes in bliss when the sunlight makes his skin glow, the way his hair looks after he tugs his hoodie off, and the feel of his lips when he presses his face into the crook of your neck when he thinks you’re not paying attention.

it’s late. you think you’ve definitely just had the longest day you’ve had all summer, running errands all around the city. all you wanted to do was lie in bed and put on a show that you could fall asleep to. lazily changing into your favorite pajamas, you set up your laptop on your bed, and you’re just about to press play when your phone screen lit up the dark room.

jaem: wru

one of jaemin’s summer house parties must’ve been today. you were so tired that you forgot.

y/n: too tired :( i don’t think i’ll go sorry

jaem: haechan needs you

you’re sure your heart actually stops beating for a second. haechan needs you. and just like that, your imagination kicks into overdrive, wondering what he could possibly need you for.

holding your breath, you watch the three dots on your screen indicating jaemin typing for what seems like ages before your phone buzzes again.

jaem: super hammered needs u to drive him home lol sry my bad that sounded weird

you let out a sigh of relief, but you can’t shake the adrenaline that rushed into you when you first saw the message.

y/n: can’t you let him crash at your place

jaem: he won’t stop ASKING for u it’s driving everyone crazy

a voice message comes through. he plays it, and it’s someone breathing really heavily. you’re beginning to wonder if jaemin sent this on accident, when haechan’s voice, low and husky from the alcohol, murmurs through the phone.

“y/n can you hear me? i wanna….wanna see you… please…i’ll do anything…”

“YOU’RE NOT BEING KIDNAPPED,” jaemin’s voice rings out, his words a little slurred but doing nothing to conceal the impatience in his tone. “GET A GRIP MAN.”

“PLEAAAAASE”, he raises his voice in an impressive whine, and you wince in second-hand embarrassment because you’re sure the entire living room must have heard that. “I MISS YOU.”

the voice message ends.

jaem: what a loser but yeah you get the gist of it

y/n: okay i’m on the way. can you get him on the phone?

jaem: do it yourself

on the drive there, you do call haechan.

he picks up halfway through the first ring of the phone. “y/n?”

“hi haechan. i’m on the way.”

“don’t lie to me,” he mumbles. “honk your car horn.”

“i’m not going to do that!,” you hiss, as if he were right here with you. “there are cars around.”

“liar,” he breathes. there’s a pause, and when you next speak you’re startled to hear his voice wobble. “liar. you’re not coming to get m-”

you slam your palm into your car horn, feeling your cheeks burn.

on the other end, he sniffles, and you presume he’s nodding at you. “okay. stay safe.”

“i will.” you hesitate. “is everything okay? did something happen at the party? are you hurt?”

he sighs over the phone. “everything is not okay,” he sniffles again, “because you’re not here.”

you swallow hard. you want to take a hand off the wheel and slap yourself, because you need to remember that he’s not himself right now, and he might regret this all in the morning. you calm yourself down before responding as lightly as you can. “haechan i’ll be there any minute now, okay? but you have to tell me if something happened and if you want to talk about it.”

he breathes heavily into the receiver. eventually, he mumbles out, “nothing happened.” shuffling, a pause, and then… “just miss you that’s all. i want to do more…more experience-y stuff with you.” more to himself than to you, he rambles on. “we’re falling behind you know. how are we going to finish this by the end of summer?”

a shot of pain twists at your guts, and you feel nauseous. so he really just wants to get all of this over and done with. you want to stop the car so you can throw up. you want to turn it back around. you’re suddenly regretting dropping everything just because he wanted to see you, because if this was why…

you keep driving on autopilot. the call has gone silent, but you can hear haechan breathing on the other end, and it’s driving you mad. you have no right to yell at him, but you almost do.

when you pull up at jaemin’s driveway, you clear your throat. your voice controlled, you say, “i’m here now. you want me to come in and get you?”

“okay. i’m in the 1st floor bathroom.”

the front door swings open, and you’re met with jaemin. at first, you think he’s going to tell you off for taking so long, but something in your face causes the words to die in his throat.

“y/n?” he asks. “are you okay?”

and before you know it, you’re wrapped in his arms in a hug and you’re bawling like you hadn’t for months. the built up pressure of avoiding haechan, of having to get into character as his girlfriend and having to get out of character just as often, and all your confusion at your feelings leave you sobbing and you just can’t stop. jaemin’s running his hands down your back and making soft, soothing noises.

you realise that you just really, really, missed your best friend.

“i’m s-sorry,” you choke out. “i haven’t come round to see you ever since the start of s-summer.”

“it’s okay,” he shakes his head, and leans back to look at you, wiping tears off your face gently. “we’ve both been busy.”

but you shake your head. “i really need to talk to you. i need your opinion in my life.”

he laughs at that. “i never thought i’d hear you say that.”

you just go back to hugging him as you slowly calm down, and the constricting feeling in your chest eases. but after a moment, your phone buzzes in your pocket, and when you check it you see that haechan has spammed your text messages with a bunch of ‘?????????’ and sad faces.

jaemin, ever the nosiest person in the room, is looking at your phone with a frown. “you never told me you started dating haechan, by the way.”

ignoring the twist in your stomach, you shake your head. “that’s because i’m not.” jaemin raises his eyebrows, and you elaborate. “we’re just doing coupley things. for the experience.”

narrowing his eyes because he knows you way too well, jaemin asks, “was this something you decided in the middle of the night? it’s sounding very classic middle-of-the-night-y/n ….” but at the look of frustration on your face, he immediately drops it. “okay, okay. not now. i get it.”

“y/n? are you here?”

you still, as haechan shuffles into view. he squints, until he confirms that it’s you, and suddenly he’s rushing towards you giddily and unsteadily, his socked feet slipping and sliding on the floor of the hallway until hes collapsed in your arms.

and there it is: his damn face in your neck again.

“wondered where you were, angel” you feel his hot breath against the base of your neck, and shivers shoot down your spine. “can i call you that? is it allowed?”

exchanging glances with you, seeing how this was slowly making you go insane, jaemin reaches out hesitantly to pry him off of you. “haechan, maybe it’s best if you stay at my place tonight-”

but haechan is quick to shrug him off, and with an agility that he shouldn’t be capable of in his state he pivots behind you and clings onto your back. his face once again buried in your neck.

“don’t wanna,” he shakes his head vigorously. “wanna stay with y/n.”

“y/n doesn’t want to stay with you,” jaemin starts forward again, making eye contact with you as he confirms, “right, y/n?”

haechan spins you around in his hold, with the most wounded expression you’ve ever seen from him, or anyone for that matter. his eyes filling with tears, his cheeks flushed and his lip wobbling in an alarming way, he chokes out, “you d-don’t want…to s-stay…with me?”

“i do, i do.” you assure him, trying to soothe him by drawing circles on his back with your thumb as he bites back sobs. over haechan’s back, you can see jaemin sigh defeatedly. “what am i supposed to do, he’s about to cry!” you hiss at him.

“he can cry on cue,” jaemin mouths.

pause. what?

you look back at haechan’s face, but every expression seems to be genuine: his bottom lip caught between his teeth and the tears shimmering in his lashes, his hands — which he barely seems to be aware of — caressing your sides nervously, as if afraid you were going to disappear into thin air.

“haechan,” you start. “are you lying to me?”

but that was the wrong thing to say. the better part of the next hour was spent trying to console a weeping and sobbing haechan on his knees, who would not stop clutching your waist and biting jaemin when he tried to pry him off of you. and then it was guiding him to your car, and another round of consoling as you assured him that no, you weren’t going to disappear as you were driving, and no, you could not drive one-handed so you could not hold his hand the entire way, but yes, he could put his hand on your thigh if he promised he wouldn’t do anything else.

you end up reaching, and then driving away from haechan’s apartment, because he would not leave the car without you and you figured that you might as well get a good night’s sleep at your own home. and somehow, you end up digging out some of mark’s old clothes out from the back of your closet for him to wear. and now, you’re standing between his legs, brushing his teeth for him while he looks at you adoringly.

he mumbles something intelligible, his mouth full of toothpaste foam, and you shake your head tiredly at him.

“nuh-uh. rinse your mouth out first.”

you hold the spare mug up to his mouth and his lips wrap around the rim of it obediently. turning to spit in the sink, he swivels back to face you, his arms never leaving your side.

“i’m sorry.” he says, quietly.

“it’s okay. i know you’d do the same for me,” you say, patiently, because it’s true. if you were drunk, haechan would definitely drop everything to make sure you were safe.

that you were sure of, because that was just the kind of person he was.

“no,” he tugs his bottom lip with his teeth again, looking nervous. “it’s not about that.” his arms remove themself from your waist and he wraps them around himself instead. all of a sudden, you’ve never felt colder.

“what do you mean?”

he doesn’t look at you in the eye when he answers. “sorry for bringing up our deal. that’s not why i miss you.”

you think you could cry. “really?” he nods, but his eyes are still on the floor. “haechan…” you press. “look at me.”

he looks up. he looks so pretty right there, his heart-shaped lips and moles scattered haphazardly over his cheeks and nose.

“so why do you miss me?” you ask, hoping against hope. his lips part, and for a split second you think he’s going to lean forward and kiss you.

but then his lips press together. he shakes his head. and again. and then he slides off the counter, brushes past you and out of the bathroom despite you calling his name. and when you break yourself out of your daze and walk, trembling slightly, to your bedroom, you see him tucked under the covers, fast asleep.

“i still don't’ get this ‘quiet haechan’ thing you keep going on about,” jaemin chews thoughtfully on a forkful of salad. “but okay, i’ll bite.”

you’re having lunch with jaemin for the first time in weeks. with nothing much going on in his life for the summer, him waving you off when you apologised again about not checking in with him, the two of you breezed past your usual topics and quickly moved on to the elephant in the room: you and your fake relationship with haechan.

nervously, you pick at your fries. “do you think i should just tell him we can stop now?”

jaemin shook his head. “that’s not the main problem.” ever the mom best friend, he takes a pause for dramatic effect before leaning in. “the main problem is that your catching feelings policy is completely shit.”

you glare at him, but don’t manage to keep it up. he’s right. “you think i should ask him about that?”

“of course.” jaemin shrugs. “but you could also just confess and see what happens.” at your mortified expression, he raises a hand to calm you down. “you never know until you try.”

unwilling to address the fact that he assumed you were in love with haechan, and the fact that he was probably right, you argue back. “you’re the one who’s friends with the both of us. do you have any idea if he maybe likes me or not?”

“i’m not telling you,” jaemin says, stubbornly. “you have to make the decision and accept the risks it comes with.”

you put your head in your hands. “i really hate you sometimes.”

as it turned out, ‘sometimes’ turned out to be occuring quite frequently, because jaemin seemed hell bent on getting you to talk to haechan, even if it was through the most roundabout ways.

such as inviting the beach-house group of friends over for dinner the next day, just so you had a reason to talk to haechan.

and that led you to where you were, currently, jaemin putting the cap back on his black marker as the words “ASK ABT CATCH FEELINGS POLICY” scrawled over your wrist and palm.

“i’ll remember to ask him, i swear,” you say impatiently, trying to wriggle your arm out of his grasp, but jaemin was a man on a mission.

“i don’t trust you,” he insists. “this way, even if you don’t bring it up, he’ll read it off your arm, and you will both talk it out.” finishing up with a few exclamation points, he caps his marker triumphantly.

you’re about to head to the bathroom to wash it off, when haechan shuffles into the living room, and embarrassingly it’s as if your mind is wiped clean.

between the night he slept over and now, the two of you had only seen each other once. he had called to apologize for bothering you the night of jaemin’s party, and you made plans to have lunch together, not dinner (because night time was always an emotional affair for the two of you, as evidenced in the past few weeks).

sitting in the sun, staring at him while he talked, the two of you eating in semi-silence, was enough for you to realise that no matter what time of day it was you would always be a little too giddy over him. the two of you, in some sort of mutual agreement, had left it at that — him bidding you goodbye with a pat on the shoulder, of all things.

and now, standing in front of you, his eyes just as confusing with their tenderness, you think that jaemin may be onto something.

“so how can i help?” haechan looks around the room, his mind on the dinner. “do we have all the materials? or…”

“everything’s in the kitchen, haechan,” you nod in the direction of the dining table. “i’ll show you.”

haechan nods, more to himself than you. then, hesitantly, he starts, “y/n…”

something had to give. but not now, not as you felt everything in you crashing down, your heart threatening to spill over at the edges just at the sight of him again.

“we’re good.” you interrupt. “everything’s going to be okay, haechan.”

he bites his lip.

“it will be,” you insist. “we’ll talk later, okay?”

his expression clears a little at that. “okay.”

in the car on the way home, jaemin insisting haechan drive you, it begins to drizzle slightly. after the moment from just now, the two of you had almost been able to go back to normal, working side by side and sitting together during dinner. topics opening up between you, discussing what happened in the days you hadn’t seen each other. things were comfortable, and you almost felt like you could go back to ignoring the aching feeling in your chest.

it slowly starts to end when the car peels into the street in front of your apartment. the two of you go quiet, and haechan’s body is tense as he looks straight ahead.

you realise you hadn’t even brought up what you had meant to say.

“do you…maybe…want to come inside?” you suggest. “we could watch a movie?”

“it’s late.” he says, almost automatically. he looks over at you, and you look so hesitant and sad. fuck. something stirs inside his chest, and suddenly he wants to do anything to take that look away from your face.

“i mean, i could. just for a movie.”

you smile, and haechan relaxes.

cozied up on your bed, haechan in a pair of sweats he had left over some other time, you slump against him as your eyes flicker between watching the movie on your laptop screen, and watching him. something about the way things were going tonight told you this might be the last time you could be with him like this, and you wanted to cherish it while you could.

the music swells in the random drama film you picked, and you are feeling that feeling again, the one that you get when you’re about to spill your soul out, and even with haechan’s warmth against you — his arm tucked into your waist and your head resting against his chest, the reality that he wasn’t yours was crashing down all the walls in your heart.

he realises you’re crying before you do, as he registers the jagged breathing from your chest, and the soft sounds you’re making.

“y/n? what’s wrong?”

“i-i, i just.” you breathe, and your sobs wreck through your words, each one stabbing painfully at his chest. “i’m just s-so tired of not h-having someone who loves me that much.”

running a hand up and down your back, haechan makes soft cooing noises as you bury your face in his chest. “okay. so watching this film was a baaaad idea.”

you’re muffled sobs soak through his hoodie, and you press it closer to your face because it smells safe and it smells like him. your emotions running away from you, you splutter out, “maybe i’ll never find s-someone. maybe i just have to deal w-with it. these experiences are just t-temporary fixes, aren’t they? i’ll never find someone who l-loves me. i mean, right now i am so in love with you and you don’t even seem to c-care —”

haechan stills. he sits there, motionless, you still quivering in his arms, as his brain kicks into overdrive.

you’re in love with him?

incoherent, you’re still talking on and on, and suddenly he knows it isn’t something he should be hearing.

“shut up.” he says, quietly, but you ignore him and ramble on. “shut up,” he insists.

“you d-don’t want me,” you sob, and somewhere in the back of your mind you know you’ll be embarrassed about this later, but for now all you could focus on was the fact that haechan wasn’t reacting because he was probably completely disgusted at the idea of even being with you. “i-i started to ignore you because it was too difficult to be around you, and suddenly you show up drunk and asking for me, and then you just act like nothing happened and i have the feeling that i’ll never see you again-”

“fuck it,” he breathes, and suddenly he’s holding your face in his hands, moving you away from his chest. “shut up, y/n. please.” and then he is kissing you, his mouth moving on yours, begging you to understand. you think he’s drawing the breath straight from your lungs, and you’re sure your lips will bruise, but you kiss him back with even more fervor, settling your weight on his lap as you lean into him, and he groans.

breaking away from you, breathing heavily, he reaches for your hands and begins to press kisses to your knuckles, trying to ease you.

“haechan…” you start, because everything is so confusing to you at this moment. “don’t-you don’t mean it-”

“what’s this?” he interrupts, as he flips your palm up, raking the sleeves of your hoodie upwards so the words “ASK ABT CATCH FEELINGS POLICY!!!!!”, smudged but unmistakable, could be read even in the dim room.

“oh, y/n…” he whispers, reaching to stroke your cheek. leaning into his palm, completely lost in his touch, you mumble on.

“jaemin said our catching feelings policy was shit…” you blurt out. “and i agree. i want a new one. i want to be allowed to love you.”

gently, haechan continues to whisper to you. “you’re the one making the rules.” trembling, his arms wrap around you, and he rocks you in his hold tenderly. “you’ve always been the one making the rules. i would do anything you told me to. i would love you if you asked.”

you don’t understand any of the words he’s saying. “no,” you raise your voice a little louder, even though he’s still speaking in that low voice. “you don’t want me.” your eyes fill with tears, you can see it now: he’s comforting you, he’s lying to you because you’re crying, and haechan is nothing but good to you, a kindness and gentleness in everything he does that you just know you’ll never feel again.

“y/n that’s not true,” he shakes his head resolutely. “please believe me.”

his voice is patient and soothing, and it’s that tone which slowly calms you down. the gentle rhythm of his hands tracing circles on your arms allowing you to breathe easier, and relax a little in his hold to be able to really look at him. and it’s the worry in his eyes, and softness in the way he’s looking at you which makes something click into place in your head.

and so what if everything in your relationship with him was supposed to be fake — the dates, the moments he’s introduced you as his girlfriend. everything else in between had started to be real for you — the kisses, the time you told him not to mention the deal or the list or the experience at all and so he didn’t, brushing his teeth for him as he sat on the counter, skin brushing against yours.

and so what if it was real for him too — the times where he’s held your hand or pulled you close when you weren’t paying attention, the nights on the drive back when he would look over at you incessantly?

untangling yourself from him, you reach for the notebook and pen you keep on your nightstand. he doesn’t stop you, tilting his head in confusion.

“what are you doing?”

holding it out to him, your heart hammering in your chest, you gesture for him to take it. “write me something i can read when i wake up. it’s so i have…,” you take a breath. “it’s so i have proof that it’s real.”

something stirs in haechan’s chest. taking the pen in his hands, he begins to scrawl on the notebook, looking up at you as he’s writing.

“if you still feel the same way, call me as soon as possible, okay?”

“okay,” you promise, breathlessly.

the yearning in your eyes is driving him crazy. guiltily, he reaches for you again, and slots his lips in yours, holding you tightly against him. as if kissing you was the last thing he would ever get to do.

you have half a mind to move into his lap, wrap your legs around his waist and keep him with you forever, but already he pries your hands away from him and heads for the door, reluctance making his movements disjointed and shaky.

“go to sleep, y/n.” he says, gently. “i��ll see you soon.”

and with that, he’s gone, and you’re left on your bed, the note at your bedside burning a hole into your table. shutting away your laptop, you curl up under the covers, and somewhere in your mind you pray that the light of day doesn’t treat you too harshly.

dear y/n,

last night you told me that you were in love with me. i don’t know if it was the loneliness, or even if it was too late at night for you to be thinking straight. all i know is that i love you too. i didn’t think you would want me unless we were playing pretend. but now i can’t look at you without realising i am completely fucking in love with you. i’m sorry that you never knew, and that somehow i messed up to the point where you didn’t believe me when i told you. if you wake up tomorrow and you still want me, call me. i will do everything with you again if it means it’ll be real.

love, haechan

it’s a little difficult to be around your friend group when they’re all like this.

summer was drawing to a close, the optimism at the start and the feeling of endless days under the sun slowly fading to a blistering heat, which then slowly tapered out into a hazy sense of being in limbo. soon the seasons would change, the days get shorter and the nights grow longer, the loneliest parts of the year stretching out before everyone. the sense that this had been another summer of wasted potential, the sense of taking a deep breath before the dive, of holding love close to one’s heart and hoping it’s enough to last through the winter, hanging in the air.

you had walked over to jaemin’s apartment for breakfast with everyone, practicing the entire way. you were going to tell haechan you wanted to talk to him. pull him away from the group, and talk to him in a separate room. the letter from last night, from him, seeming to burn right through your palms, words you wanted to echo right back at him.

but when you opened the door, you realise he wasn’t there. instead, everyone else sat slumped around the living room, prodding at various snacks and cans, and waving at you lazily as you picked your way through them, looking for the familiar mop of brown hair and eyes you had come to love.

“jaemin,” you make your way to your friend, who’s crumpled into the couch himself.

“hey y/n,” he smiles at you easily. “how did it go yesterday?”

“well it’s still going,” you admit. “where’s haechan?”

jaemin furrows his brow. “i swear he just arrived. i think he said something about getting us breakfast.”

your body moves before you can think to, winding through the room and carrying you towards the front door and out into the driveway. and there it is — his car, slowing backing out. and through the window you can see him, looking over his shoulder, the familiar twist of his neck you knew so well. the arm he would throw over the passenger seat.

you call out to him, and by some miracle he hears you. he stops the car jerkily, and you rush towards him. he had just barely gotten out of the car when you fall into his arms — you think you never want to be separated from him again.

squeezing you against his chest, he murmurs next to your ear. “you read my message?” you nod. “i meant every word,” he says, kissing the crown of your head. “i know we’ve done this all backwards. really sometimes i just wish i could go back and ask you out like i should have done.”

“i don’t regret it,” you tell him truthfully. stepping back from his hold, you interlock his hands with yours, relishing the familiar feeling. “i don’t regret any of the things we did.”

“me neither.” he hesitates. “actually…maybe i regret getting drunk at jaemin’s party.” he shuffles his feet. “i missed you a lot, and i feel like i should have just told you then.”

“maybe.” pause. “or you should tell me again now, because i don’t think i’ve heard you say it.” and it’s something that’s a little teasing, because at this point you know he loves you just as much as you love him, but haechan takes it so seriously — straightening up, he holds your hands against his chest, looking deep into your eyes. you feel a little out of breath from the way he’s looking at you.

“i’m really sorry,” he starts. “for everything. i love you so much. everything i ever told you, every time we’ve touched, it was real for me.”

“and if i believe you?”

he smiles. and it’s a look you know so well, the familiarity in reading his expressions and talking to him without words hitting you full force.

“just tell me you love me too,” he says, softly. “not because it’s at night, and you’re feeling lonely, and not while you’re crying. was it real for you too?”

and even though you’re soon interrupted by jaemin, who urges the two of you to go get breakfast together. even though the two of you keep making lists of places you want to go, and things which feel like love to you — haechan presenting you with music to dance in the kitchen to, afternoons spent restaurant hopping and nights spent driving to look at the ocean and sit under the stars. even as winter eventually rolls around, and the two of you bundle yourselves up in the apartment, his cheeks perpetually a shade of red which makes you want to kiss him —

neither of you forget the way it all started. that first time he held your hand in the middle of the kitchen and warmed you all the way through. because everything was real. and in a way, it always had been.

#haechan fluff #haechan angst #haechan scenario #haechan imagine #fic: if i believe you #nct fluff #nct angst #donghyuck fluff #donghyuck angst

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siriusleee · 11 months ago

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For @glitterypirateduck's Call of Duty Christmas Special. Author's Note: For the holiday season, I wanted to write some things for some of my mutuals I've met the past year I've had my blog. This is for @victoria-writes-sometimes, who is busy grading, but hopefully not too busy. Also, can anyone tell my favorite genre is two lonely people who live next door to each other? Christmas Movie: Home Alone

“You’re going to break your neck.”

You ignore the gruff voice that floats over to you in the cool air. Precariously, you drape yourself over the fire escape of your little flat, wrapping Christmas lights around the iron bars.

“Are you even allowed to do that?”

“Probably not,” you finally answer, pushing yourself back onto firm feet. “But who cares? They’re not going to evict me.”

Simon Riley watches you from his own fire escape, cigarette held loosely in his fingers. You watch him from the corner of your eye - if you try to study the little bit of his face that peeks out between the black hood of his jacket, and the medical mask you never catch him without, he’ll leave. It had taken weeks to figure out his name, only learning it after there was a flood in his apartment and you tried to get ahold of him while he was gone to tell him.

You’ve lived beside him for three years, five months, and seventeen days and so far this has been the longest conversation the two of you have ever had.

“I can come decorate your fire escape if you want.”

“I’d rather not - thanks.”

You cut your eyes at him, lowering yourself into the little folding chair you keep outside. Simon twirls the cigarette between two fingers; you catch the edge of a tattoo on his wrist.

“Has anyone ever told you that you bear a striking resemblance to Mr. Scrooge?”

“Only the same people that have said you look like the Ghost of Christmas Past.”

The silence lapses into a chilly mass around the two of you - you’re the first to give up from the chill of the chair underneath you. You don’t say good-bye, but you feel Simon’s eyes on you the entire time you clamber through the window into your kitchen, the pane slamming shut with a rattle behind you.

The next day you’re awoken by Simon’s front door shutting heavily - the tell-tale sign that he’s leaving again.

You had tried to find a rhythm to the weeks he’d be gone, but there never was one. Sometimes it was just a few days before he’d come back home, the door shutting gently behind him. Other times the weeks would stretch into months before the sounds of him coming home in the middle of the night would wake you up again. The next day he’d ignore you when you popped onto the fire escape to drink your coffee before work, the menthol of his cigarette smoke enveloping you.

You keep watch over his place for him - nothing the two of you had discussed before, but something you’d fallen into each time he left. Collect mail, run the stray cats and raccoons from the fire escape, and watch for flyers shoved in the door.

December slips by languidly. You wait for the day Simon comes back home, but he surprises you, his normal midnight arrival changed. You shuffle the keys to your door, hands filled with wrapping paper, and drop the keys into a pile at your feet.

Annoyed, you bend down to scoop them up, but a pair of rough hands snag them from the worn down laminate before you can get there.

“Buy out the entire store?”

You’re not in the mood today, but you bite back the sarcastic comment that sits on the back of your tongue as Simon unlocks your front door for you, dropping your keys back into your hand.

“Just trying to get ready for Christmas you know.”

Something in your tone must catch his attention because he doesn’t leave you standing at the doorway like usual. Instead, he hovers over you, arms crossed.

“Everything alright?”

In the dim hallway light, you take the moment to study the lines on Simon’s forehead, the slouch of his shoulders as he tries to make himself smaller in the narrow space, and the urge to tell him about everything: the work stress, the sink in your kitchen that refuses to stop dripping, the pounding headache that’s been building for the past two weeks behind your eyes.

Instead, you shake your head and duck into your apartment.

“Just tired. Goodnight.”

The door swings shut, and you stay poised on the other side, watching the shadow of Simon beneath the door until finally it moves, his front door slamming shut just moments after.

You try not to think about what Simon could be doing in his apartment as you pad around yours, the headache still pressing against your eyes. You leave everything piled on the end of the couch as you lay down on the other end; for the first time since you put it up, the Christmas tree is turned off, the multi-colored lights making your headache worse.

Macaulay Culkin laughs on the television as a paint can slams into Ron Weasley’s dad’s head - a timid knock breaks through the sound of Home Alone. You push yourself off of the couch, pinching the bridge of your nose to try to alleviate the pressure.

The door swings open easily, and you squint against the light to see Simon standing there, a plastic bag held loosely in his hand. The smell of Indian wafts up to you from the styrofoam inside.

“Can I help you Simon?” Your voice is flat, but that doesn’t deter him from holding out the bag toward you.

“I ordered too much; figure you might be hungry.”

You know it’s a lie - in all the time the two of you have lived beside each other, you’ve not once seen Simon come in with a takeaway or a delivery dropped off at his front door. But you don’t want to pull too hard at that thread.

You step to the side, making room for Simon to step past you; he smells like pine and metal mixed with laundry detergent. You follow him to the kitchen, standing awkwardly as he pulls the takeaway containers from the bags, feeling useless as you watch him organize everything. You get the feeling that he’s fussing so much with the food from the awkwardness of standing in your kitchen, so you leave to move everything off of the couch and make room for him.

He brings you a plate- it feels awfully domestic in a way that you could get used to; his hands are empty as he lowers himself down onto the end of the couch, crunched against the armrest as far away from you as physically possible.

“Why’d you bring me dinner?” You ask, hurrying to cover the weird tone of voice when you see Simon cut his eyes at you, “Not that I’m not appreciative, but -”

You don’t know what to say, so you trail the sentence off, stirring the sauce of your butter chicken into the rice. Simon shifts minutely, eyes cast back to the television.

“Just looked like you had a shit day.”

The awkwardness slips into comfort as the two of you watch Home Alone, and you finish eating, but before you get the courage to ask another question, Simon pushes himself up.

“Anyway, I hope you’re feeling better.”

You set your plate down on the floor, standing up to follow after him to the doorway. He pauses in the hallway as you watch him leave, half leaning out through the door.

“Thank you!” You shout out, before his door shuts behind him, feeling silly at the entire situation.

You can hear him move around in his own apartment as you clean up the mess from dinner, wondering if he ate any before coming over, or if he got all of it for you. You linger at the counter, thinking of the gesture. The sound of his shower cutting on flooding your tiny kitchen.

The next morning he’s not outside on the fire escape - instead, you’re alone with the snow flurries and Christmas lights. His window is dark, and snow starting to pile onto the ledge; he must not have been out to smoke all night. There’s a feeling inside you that him bringing dinner to you was a message you can’t quite decipher.

You think about it all day, hands folding Christmas presents into wrapping paper. At half past ten, Simon’s door opens and shuts, and it shakes something free inside you. You leave the Christmas paper a wreck on the floor, padding barefoot to your door.

Before you can think, you hurl yourself into the hallway, hands knocking frantically at Simon’s door. It opens just enough for you to see his brown eyes peering at you from the crack before he opens it fully, filling the space.

“Do you want to go Christmas shopping with me later?” You stumble over the words, over the tie in your tongue, the words rushing out of you before you can feel embarrassed by them.

“Why do you want me to go?” He asks gruffly, but you don’t let the sound intimidate you.

“I just figured I’d ask a friend to go with me, you know.”

It takes a moment, and then -

“Six alright?”

You try to bite back the grin that threatens to crack your face, hands wrapping around your torso to try and contain it.

“Of course.”

#my fics #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ‘ghost’ riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost x you #codholiday2023

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genericpuff · 11 months ago

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Hi! Maybe this is a difficult question with no answer, but as a fan of Rekindled who might want to start their own comic, what do you suggest to avoid burnout? Do you start wiht writting the script right away, you doodle a bit,..? Thanks for reading, I love how you draw big noses, makes me more comfy with mine!

no fr my dark secret is that i've been experiencing burnout with my main original project that I've spent the last decade working on for literally a year now. this isn't the first long hiatus i've taken, the longest one i've ever been on has lasted two years, and it's undoubtedly not the last i'll experience because the lump of salt and fat and tissue that is my brain often overworks itself into exhaustion like a big dummy

rekindled has been my reprieve from the burnout. it has been my vacation from years of working on the same project, meeting the same deadlines, drawing the same characters, over and over and over again since before i was in college.

if there's anything working on rekindled has made clear to me, it's that i'm still capable of drawing comics. the comic-making isn't the problem. it's just that when you work on the same project for years and trap yourself in an uphill battle, eventually your climbing gear is bound to break.

if there's another thing that rekindled has opened my eyes to, it's the insanity that i put myself through prior to rekindled that led to my burnout in the first place.

i get people telling me that they couldn't imagine doing what i do, that even before i had my assistant helping me out, i was still able to put out 30-40 panel updates every week.

but before that, i was putting out 70-90 panel episodes of my original work. every week. full color. full spread action scenes. no assistant. very little financial gain aside from a couple patrons on patreon and one dedicated viewer on twitch, which i was also streaming on 2-3 times a week.

and now that i've been working on rekindled and even finding myself often crunched for time with that, i have zero clue, no idea, a complete lack of comprehension of how i pulled off 70-90 panels a week for months on end. there's a reason it resulted in burnout and i know that now. this comparison is not for the sake of a flex - this comparison is to make it clear that much of what i do isn't the norm and isn't exactly a healthy standard. case in point, i sneezed while sweeping up yesterday morning and it caused a muscle strain in my lower back/hips and i've been working out of my bed since, i'm in a lot of pain and it might mean i don't make any money this week if it's not better by the time i have to do my appointments at my day job on thursday. my need to create my personal passion projects is often at odds with my bad habits of not taking care of myself 。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。

when it comes to tackling burnout, your guess is as good as mine. really it just comes down to rest. when burnout - real, true burnout - hits, it's not just "man i'm bored of working on this", it's "i can't even think of looking at this thing let alone working on it", it's basically akin to depression and it's an awful thing that i wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy (even with Rachel, I don't want to psychoanalyze her mental health but it does seem like she's possibly been experiencing burnout with LO for years now and that really sucks for her if that's true). so the solution is just as complicated as the cause, it's not something that you can just rest from for a week and come back from, it takes real long-term healing.

when I found my way out of that 2 year hiatus, it was in spring of 2019 and I decided to just work on a random comic page that wasn't even in the comic I was working on. and then suddenly it was like a switch flicked back into the on position and i didn't even finish what i was working on, i just went back to my original project and i kept working on it until it was finally finished at the end of 2021. as suddenly and randomly as it had set in, it was gone. but i can't just do the same thing this time, it just doesn't work that way.

that said, through all this, i've learned that my need to create is not restricted to any one tangible thing, i'm not doomed or designed to stick with the same words, the same faces, the same ideas until the end of time. while i do try to keep up healthy routines for myself to ensure i'm looking out for my future self and their deadlines and their upload schedules, sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. and in my case, the heart wanted to take a break from the self-reflective psychological analysis dark fantasy weebo stuff and just draw some pink and blue characters a little less ugly. the self-reflective weebo shit will still be there when i'm done with the pink and blue stuff, and i'll surely have loads of new things to unpack through it once i return.

there are still times when i'm working on rekindled and i'm feeling the creeping hand of my routine destruction digging its claws into my back. the reality is that 30-40 panels is still a lot for someone like myself who's doing this entirely for free, but my definition of normal for a while was so insanely inhumane that even what's still considered a lot by most people's standards feels sane and normal to me after what i put myself through.

i've learned to be more gentle with myself, and to loosen my own expectations of what i'm capable of to ensure i don't do anything like that to myself, by myself, again. i give myself room to create without expectations or the pressure of eyes watching when i can, and i remind myself that even if burnout rears its head again, and again, and again, the will to create is not gone. it's just tired, and resting, and growing, and healing as i am.

anyways that turned into a self-reflective essay post, to answer your question about making stuff ahead of time, i find that's more helpful with just like, planning out a structured story (so you don't write yourself into a corner) but whether or not it helps with burnout kind of depends. because it can just as also easily be the cause of the problem because constantly seeing the stuff you wanna be drawing so far away can be just as much of a morale killer as a motivator. some of the stuff i'm super psyched to write and draw with time gate is years away and that timeline grows longer the more the burnout goes on which makes the struggle feel even more overwhelming and pointless and defeating. so plan ahead, but keep it all within your means if you can. i find what works for me is planning out just general beat-to-beat plot structures (to ensure i at least have a plot skeleton going on so i know where i'm going) then i leave the finer details to when the actual episode i've planned gets closer to fruition and i can get myself in the headspace to write it fully.

also remember that just because you're really excited and motivated to work on your comic doesn't mean you should work yourself into exhaustion - it's a good thing if you're going through the mundane of your daily routine and the whole time you're hyped af to work on your hobby/personal project/etc. because that's what will keep you moving forward, so don't spend all that hype in one place by working and working and working until you're exhausted, because that hype is REALLY hard to get back after you've spent it all.

long post over! hope that helps! best of luck in your projects! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

#also aaah thank you for the nose compliment haha #i love drawing different kinds of noses <3 #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything #self post

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selfindulgentpixies · 1 year ago

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The hands that hold you ch9: Here for you

SatoSugu x GN!reader master list

It's finally here! Also holyshit we're at chapter 9. This series is the longest thing i've ever written solo before. I know this one was super delayed. Between me getting horribly sad and depressed over certain events for several weeks and just being busy this one took a while. It also took a bit because it was hard to write emotionally for me. Reader goes through it in this chapter for a bit. We get a bit more of a glimpse into things they've been rather tight lipped about and then.. well i'll say it because he's his own warning label, Naoya shows up. Note: 1.While at the beginning of second year Yaga is still a teacher I had him get his promotion by the fall for the exchange event to principle though he still maintains his teaching duties as well. 2. I said it before but i'll make note of it again, since the japanese school year typically starts in the spring it is still Satoru and Suguru's second year. CW: GN!reader, Afab!reader (I haven't said it explicitly until now but given the self inserty nature of this reader and how Naoya treats them it's fairly obvious. Only they/them pronouns are used for reader), Allusions to past abuse, the word whore is used. If you've gotten this far you probably already know that reader is foreigner who was adopted by Yaga (Listen i look at him and all my thoughts are "dad? Dad.You're my dad now." Don't ask why.) ___

“That’s such crap! It was fine when Suguru and I competed a year early for the exchange event! We should be able to participate this year too.” Satoru’s voice cuts into the hall as you walk alongside Haibara causing the two of you to slow your steps as you pass the classroom.

Inside Satoru looks annoyed, arms crossed and leaning back in his desk chair. Suguru only looks mildly disgruntled by the news Yaga is giving the two of them.

Yaga sighs. “You weren’t special grade yet. You’re a lot stronger than a year ago. I’ve already talked to Gakuganji about it. He's firm on the fact that the two of you shouldn’t compete since having two special grades will unfairly tilt the odds of the competition in Tokyo’s favor. “

Satoru replies, voice mocking Yaga’s, “Yeah well it unfairly tilts the odds in kyoto’s favor if you put us down two students,” he then continues in his normal voice, “And maybe if kyoto’s students were stronger they wouldn’t have to disqualify us to win. Guess they’re not over losing last year because of a pair of first years.” Suguru makes a sound that could be taken as agreement.

“The terms of the competition have already been set, Satoru.” Yaga runs a hand over his short hair, frustration building. He could understand both sides of it and while he wasn't a fan himself it was what it was.

Haibara and yourself are too focused on what’s being said inside the classroom to notice as Nanami walks up behind the two of you. “What the hell are you two doing?”

You squeak and Haibara gasps , you both startle enough to jump slightly and Haibara’s larger frame jerking against yours causes you to fall over, pushing the door open as you face plant onto the floor followed by Haibara falling on top of you.

The tension in the room breaks slightly as everyone falls silent and stares at the two of you.

You groan out what could only be deciphered as an ‘ow’ from beneath Haibara, unable to be embarrassed immediately with your face squished into the floor and all of your friend’s muscle crushing down on you.

“Ah! Sorry, ___!” He rolls off you quickly, still on the floor. You push yourself up, rising to your knees, pointedly staring at the floor, both out of embarrassment and just knowing you’re in trouble. The stifled laugh from Satoru doesn’t help and flicking your eyes up shows Suguru has placed his hand over his mouth.

Yaga pinches the space between his brows and lets out a slow breath, doing his best to subdue his mounting irritation and rising headache. “Now I know you know better than to eavesdrop.”

You shrink back and fold your hands on your lap, eyes remaining dowcast. Haibara has assumed a similar position but looks sheepish instead of nervous. In unison the two of you speak. “Sorry, Sensei.”

“And you?” Yaga directs his attention behind the two of you.

You can’t see it but Nanami raises his hands and shakes his head. “I was just passing by, I swear.”

Yaga’s focus turns back to you and taking in your actual nervousness he sighs. “I suppose this works. How much did the two of you hear?”

You glance up at Yaga and shift uncomfortably. “Something about not allowing Satoru or Suguru to compete in the upcoming exchange event?” That was exactly what it had been of course but you phrase it as a question, something odd to your voice. It causes Suguru’s brows to knit together. If Satoru catches it he doesn’t let on and instead he groans and hangs his head back causing his glasses to slide onto his forehead at the reminder of what they’d been talking about before you and Haibara had interrupted.

Yaga nods. “That’s right. And If you didn’t hear Satoru did point out how when it comes to numbers the competition will be unbalanced. Shoko would be the only second year involved and her focus isn't combat. To balance out the numbers it’s not unheard of for first years to compete in the exchange event.“

Haibara speaks up. “Ah! So are you asking if we’ll be in the exchange event?” Excitent fills his voice and when you glance at him you swear his eyes are sparkling. Of course he’d be excited. Somewhere behind you you swear you hear Nanami sigh.

“That’s it exactly.” He confirms.

Nanami who hadn’t been eavesdropping, speaks up. “Wait, why aren’t Geto-senpai and Gojo-senpai competing? Wouldn’t they be a lot more likely to win-” and so another round of conversation and argument starts though by the end of it it’s decided that you and your fellow first years would indeed be competing in place of Suguru and Satoru.

___

After, when you go to part ways from your boyfriends to go with Nanami and Haibara, Suguru stops you with a gentle hand on your wrist. “If you don’t mind, I'd like to steal you for a bit.” You turn and blink up at him and then glance at your classmates. Haibara gives you an encouraging wave.

“We’ll see you later for the mission, yeah?”

“Of course,” you try for a smile though it doesn’t entirely reach your eyes until you turn toward Suguru. It falters again though when you see the worry clear in his eyes. Oh. Oh this was probably going to be a not so fun conversation. A glance toward Satoru shows he’s also watching you more closely now that he’s not lamenting how unfair the situation with the exchange event is.

Nanami and Haibara are already around a corner but you still try to make an excuse. “Ah actually maybe I should go with them-”

When both young men retain their serious air and Suguru maintains his hold on your wrist your shoulders deflate just a bit. You really hope he wants to talk to you about the eavesdropping but you know deep down that won’t be it. He wouldn’t care about that enough to pull you away from what you were already doing. Honestly you sort of wished that the two of them weren’t so observant right now. “I don’t want to talk about it here, really I don’t want to talk about it at all, but if I can’t avoid it let's go to one of our dorms or somewhere else private…”

“Of course,” Suguru replies gently, just glad that you’re showing some willingness to talk even if it’s reluctant.

The walk to the dorms goes too quickly for your liking and when you enter Suguru’s room you go and flop face first on his bed. After you hear the door slide closed the bed dips twice, once on either side of you.

“So you wanna tell us why you looked like a nervous rabbit back there?” Satoru’s voice is deceptively light despite going straight to the point. If your face wasn’t still buried in Suguru’s comforter you would have seen the look he shoots Satoru. Honestly though it was probably better that he was being direct.

You mumble something into the comforter and then feel a hand on your shoulder before you’re being encouraged to roll onto your back, which you do. “No, I don't want to tell you. But I suppose the two of you won’t let this go until I do… It’s stupid honestly.”

The young men share a glance before Suguru speaks up. “Can’t be stupid if it’s got you this stressed out. “

“It is though… I shouldn’t still be reacting that way after nearly three years away from…” You trail off your brows knitting together.

It’s not hard for Suguru and Satoru to slot the pieces into place then. You were always so reluctant to talk about your life before Yaga adopted you. In fact anytime anyone has so much as tried to ask you more than the most basic questions about it you change the subject.

“I was overreacting to the idea that I was about to be in trouble…” you continue quietly. “Even though Yaga sensei has never given me a reason to be nervous about it.”

This was true, it had been something of note that Yaga was gentle even with his reprimands of you. Despite being a bit of a muscle brain in Suguru’s opinion he was more gentle than expected. Honestly both he and Satoru had just chalked it up to him having a soft spot for you since he’d taken you in. This was beginning to paint a more complete picture of why, even though you were still being purposefully vague. That’s when Suguru hears it, a small sniffle. He hadn’t realized he’d been getting lost in his head, fists clenched tightly on his lap until he looks over at you. Your lower lip wobbling slightly before you pull it between your teeth.

“Hey hey… shhh..” Satoru’s hand rests on your cheek, thumb swiping beneath your eye catching a tear you hadn’t even realized slipped out.

“I’m sorry-” your voice comes out tight, you hated that your walls you’d crafted so carefully around these particular emotions were cracking so easily. You’d hoped you could just speak matter of factly and clinically about it. But the show of care makes something give.

Suguru’s laying down next to you in a moment, arm going around your waist. “Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

That makes several more fat tears roll down your cheeks. And honestly? You weren’t sure why. You just know the show of emotion is making guilt constrict your chest.

When you fail to answer Suguru tugs you against his chest, his eyes flicking up to Satoru after he tucks your head under his chin. Satoru runs a hand over your spine. “I’ll be right back okay? Gonna grab ya a couple things,” Satoru says in a soothing tone that would be unfamiliar to anyone but you and Suguru.

When he comes back he’s brought tissues along with bottled water and your favorite snack. It doesn’t fix everything but it helps. The show of care helps a lot. Later the two of them will quietly agree to not push on this topic and to let you tell them things at your own pace, if you ever wanted to tell them at all.

The time leading up to the exchange event passes about as peacefully as time can pass for young sorcerers. When your schedules line up you and your fellow first years train with Suguru and Satoru. Honestly you may have been a little too gleeful to see them get tossed around the training field like you’d been for months. You still got tossed around too but at least Nanami and Haibara couldn’t tease you about it. Especially since it almost seemed like your boyfriends were harder on you than them. Tough love is what it could be chalked up to. If you wanted to train with them it wasn’t going to be half assed. It wasn’t like curses and curse users would take it easy on you just because you were the subject of affection for two of the strongest sorcerers. If anything it was a reason to train you harder. Both of them were painfully aware of how you could be viewed as a weak point for them.

It all goes by too quickly. Soon enough you’re meeting the students from Kyoto. Regrettably you’d soon realize. You stand in front of Shoko who’s sitting on an old stone fence, idly picking at some of the moss growing on it. Without looking at you she asks, “So are they going to show up to greet the Kyoto students?”

“Hmm? Satoru and Suguru? I doubt it. It was Kyoto’s principle that got them disqualified from the event and made it so Nanami, Haibara and I would have to sub in. Satoru was still pretty bitter about it all this morning.” You glance briefly at your fellow first years who are a small ways away from the two of you speaking with some third years you weren’t familiar with.

“And Geto?” Shoko’s words draw your focus back to her.

“I’m not sure he cares anymore. He seemed pretty apathetic about it all,” it was actually starting to worry you how many things he was starting to act apathetic about honestly. Well now that you thought about it he wasn’t entirely apathetic about the competition. “Well.. beyond asking me to be careful.”

Shoko gives you a small smile. “Who knows, maybe that means he’ll show up just for you, maybe they both will.”

Neither of you notice the figure approaching you.

You laugh a little, shyness and affection warming your chest at the idea. “Nah.. I mean they saw me this morning before I left. Satoru even got up early despite being grumpy about the event so he could have breakfast with me and see me off. Pretty sure he went back to bed after.”

“Huh, so you must be the one since you’re using his first name all familiar like even though he’s older than you.” An unfamiliar voice cuts into your conversation, sounding unimpressed.

You blink and turn, coming face to face with a blonde teenage boy you can only assume is one of the students from kyoto given his uniform. When did he come up behind you? Before you can say anything though he continues.

“I guess your face is pretty enough that I can understand keeping you around.”

Shoko mumbles something distinctly impolite under her breath while you bristle at the stranger’s words. You tip your chin up and meet his eyes with a glare. “Excuse me, just who are you to speak to me that way? I don’t even know you.”

He sneers at you. The defiant look in your eye instantly pisses him off. “You’re right you don’t know or you wouldn’t speak to me like that. You’re what, just a little whore and an outsider sleeping with the future head of the Gojo clan and his best friend right? Hoping to advance your station in a place you don’t belong?” He takes a step toward you, invading your space.

Your cheeks flush with angry heat, his words like a slap to the face. No one had ever called you something quite like that before. But more than that, the insinuation that you were using Satoru made your blood boil. Everything else falls away. You don’t even register Shoko’s hand on your shoulder or the rising voices before the loud crack of the back of your hand colliding with this jackass’s cheek creates a stunned hush among all present.

He stands there in disbelief before his eyes narrow at you, with a snarl he grabs the front of your uniform, free hand drawing back-

—

Satoru flops back onto the bed, stretching out all his limbs and entirely taking up the space earning him an unimpressed look from Suguru. “Are you really going to go back to bed?” followed by a mumbled ‘and get out of my bed if you're going to keep your day clothes on.’

“I mean we actually have the day off, everyone else is busy with the exchange event, what else is there to do but catch up on some well deserved rest?” He stretches his arms above his head in an exaggerated manner before folding them under his head. He pointedly ignores Suguru’s complaint about his state of dress.

“I feel we should be there at least for the initial meeting, Satoru.”

“Why? We’re not participating,” a bit of annoyance creeps into his tone. “And we already wished ___ luck before they left to meet up with the others.”

“That’s the thing… Who are the participants this year? On our end it’s our first years, Shoko and some third years that ___ hasn’t actually had a chance to meet. Utahime just entered her fourth year so she’s not competing. Then for Kyoto it’s…”

“A bunch of weaklings,” Satoru says flippantly before continuing. “Mei-san has also aged out of competing.” then a thought seems to occur to Satoru. Last year kyoto had a certain first year who made a fuss about not being allowed to compete while he and Suguru were. The smarmy smirk of a boy he’d seen more times than he’d of liked when he’d been pulled along on clan business by his father flashes through his mind. “Naoya is going to be there this year.” He sits up and looks at Suguru. Apparently he’d been waiting to see if Satoru would come to the realization on his own.

“Are we sure they’ll be okay running into him? Pretty sure other than you this will be their first time running into another student who’s a member of the three clans. And he’s from Zenin on top of it. He’d probably mostly behave if we were there as a buffer but I can only imagine the sorts of things he may say without us there. Especially if he catches them one on one. He’d probably bring up all the worst of the rumors too.”

Satoru swings his legs over the side of the bed. “Tch. Can’t believe I forgot he’d be showing up this year.. Not to say I don’t trust ___ abilities but i’d rather not just leave them to deal with Naoya without warning..” It should have been an entire talk, not just about Naoya but about how sorcerer’s outside the school may view them based on rumors alone of the relationship the three of you share since none of you even attempted to hide it.

They leave in short order after that. Honestly they both hoped they were overreacting and that with other people around Naoya would behave. Then they could warn you of what to potentially expect from him during the actual competition so you wouldn’t be caught off guard. When the two of them see Yaga and Gakuganji along with several students from kyoto they have some hope until they notice Naoya isn’t among them. It’s not like you’re alone though and they know you’d hate if they made a scene of rushing to you if you weren’t in any trouble, so they casually approach the group. They brush off the suspicious glances from the two principles. Brushing off any questioning with comments of ‘what? Just because we can’t compete does that means we’re not allowed to show up and greet the other students? They can’t fight but they can show some goodwill for the goodwill exchange event right?’

It’s while they’re ascending the stairs that they hear some of Naoya’s words, venom dripping from his every word. And if the look on Yaga’s face is any indication he hears as well.

“You’re right you don’t know or you wouldn’t speak to me like that. You’re what, just a little whore and an outsider sleeping with the future head of the Gojo clan and his best friend right? Hoping to advance your station in a place you don’t belong?” The words silence all surrounding conversation once they leave Naoya’s mouth, finally getting the attention of the other surrounding students.

Satoru’s blood boils, both at the words in general but the fact that he’d try to put in your head that you were using him in anyway. Yaga begins to say something but before the words seem to reach anyone they all watch wide eyed as the back of your hand connects with Naoya’s cheek. It wasn’t something anyone expected, least of all Naoya considering he hadn’t reacted at all until his head snapped to the side from the action.

Both Satoru and Suguru see it though, the moment murder flashes in his eyes. Once he touches you though, one hand fisting into the front of your uniform while the other rears back Satoru is there in an instant his own hand wrapping around Naoya’s wrist, stopping him before he can do anything. “I knew you were an ass but I didn’t think you were stupid too, Naoya.” Satoru’s grip on his wrist is so tight that the bones creak. Suguru is there nearly as quickly smacking Naoya’s hand away from your uniform and pulling you to his chest.

“Tch” Naoya goes to yank his hand away but Satoru refuses to let go.

“Enough!” All eyes turn toward Gakuganji, as he stands at the head of the stairs. Yaga’s jaw is set tight as he stands beside the old man. It’s only after meeting Yaga’s gaze that Satoru roughly releases Naoya’s wrist, which is already an angry color that will surely turn into a dark bruise. It's a tense meeting of the schools from that point. Satoru and Suguru crowded close to you and Shoko glaring daggers at Naoya. They’re not the only ones either. If looks could kill Naoya be dead several times over.

Yaga looks you over and then around at the other Tokyo students. “You all go on ahead to the meeting room. I need to have a talk with Kyoto’s principal. Begin planning your strategy for the competition.” No one argues as he walks off.

The walk to the meeting room is uncomfortable. No one quite sure what they should say to you and you unsure what you would want to say back in turn at the moment. You feel embarrassed, ashamed even at how Naoya had spoken to you. The things he’d said run on repeat in your head and you stare at the ground as you walk. Suddenly Shoko is squeezing between you and Satoru and throwing an arm around your shoulders. “I want to talk to you for a minute.” She pulls you away from the rest of the group and when Satoru and Suguru try to follow she gives them a look. “I want to talk to ___-chan.”

You give them the best reassuring smile you can. “It’s fine.” Your voice is thinner than you’d hoped it would be but after sharing a look they seem to decide that letting you go with Shoko is fine.

“We won’t be far if you need us, alright?” Suguru offers gently.

You smile a little more genuinely. “Okay.” And with that Shoko leads you toward a different room.

Flicking on a light and closing the door behind the two of you, Shoko then leads you to sit on a plush couch. Once seated you begin to speak, “I’m sor-” Shoko’s flicks your forehead and you let out a little ‘ow’ and rub at the spot instinctively.

“Don’t you even start apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong,” she says firmly. The words ring familiar in your mind. You begin to speak again, to argue in some fashion but she covers your mouth. When you give up she huffs and continues, though her features soften. “Like I said, you didn’t do anything wrong. Naoya is just a prick. Most Zenin men are honestly… But he’s especially open about it.”

With her hand removed you look down at your lap with a pout. “Is that really how people see me?”

She suddenly squishes your face between her palms and makes you look at her. “You listen to me. The only people who think of you that way are people who don’t matter. I see how you look at those two idiots and I see how they look at you. It would be annoying how much love is there if it wasn’t so sweet. And i’m not the only one, all our friends do too. Nothing Naoya says or what anyone else thinks can change that. It can’t change that you're a good person who’s loved and works hard and cares deeply for those around you. It won’t change how Gojo and Geto feel. I’m sure you’ll hear that from them later.” She releases your face and leans back against the arm of the couch.

You’re quiet as you mull over her words. She was right of course. There’s a knock at the door making the both of you jump slightly. The door opens and Haibara sticks his face in. “Sorry if i’m interrupting, Yaga-sensei is back and we’re waiting on the two of you.” He looks between the two of you concern furrowing his brow. You didn’t know it yet but he and Nanami had been only moments from intervening if not for Satoru and Suguru suddenly arriving.

“Ah, of course, we’ll be right there.” You stand and so does Shoko. You glance at her. “Could you give us just a minute more?”

He nods. “I’ll let everyone know the two of you are on your way.” He offers you a smile though it’s not quite as full of his usual cheer.

Once the door closes you turn to Shoko. “Thank you, Shoko-senpai.. I think I needed to hear you say that.”

She smiles and surprises you by pulling you in for a hug. “Anytime. Like I said before I’m sure Gojo and Geto would have reassured you but I think it’s good you hear it from people on the outside too.” She pulls back and smiles when she sees you looking just a bit bashful at her sudden display of affection. “Now let’s get back, yeah?”

“Yeah okay.” You give her a shy smile in turn and she links your arm with her’s before leading you from the room and down the hall toward everyone else.

Oh this was great. The only thing that would have been better was if they’d been allowed to kick Naoya’s ass for how he’d spoken to you. It even numbed the sting of not being able to compete in the exchange event themselves. Satoru and Suguru lounged in their seats, watching the competition unfold on the monitors with the teachers. They weren’t the only students here though. Not far off, looking absolutely miserable and pissed was none other than Naoya. Freshly disqualified for his conduct and they got to watch him huff and scoff each time you scored points for Tokyo. He probably at least wanted to see you screw up or get injured but instead you did anything but. Effortlessly slaying the released curses while guarding Shoko.

Every once in a while Naoya swears and grumbles about his team and why the hell they aren’t targeting the two of you harder. After all, if they made a concerted effort they could overwhelm you and get at your healer, right? More than once she’d kept someone from your side in top shape. Yet his team had only tried one at a time to have a go it seemed and there you were each time, keeping Shoko safe. Pride swelled in Satoru and Suguru’s chests. They’d admittedly been worried that what had happened earlier would throw off your focus but instead you seem to have turned those emotions outward and were using them to fight instead of letting them eat at you.

They even got a bit of a treat near the end, getting to see how well you and Nanami work together in a fight. Him joining you when you reported that the main curse was near your location. Haibara volunteered to stay with Shoko while the two of you engaged it since he needed an injury healed anyway and you didn’t want to give Kyoto the time to take it out by waiting.

The duel blackflashes at the end from you and Nanami finishing off the curse and winning tokyo the competition was just the cherry on top. The action elicits high fives between Suguru and Satoru and even a cheer from Yaga which he coughs to cover up. Naoya meanwhile finally having had enough gets up and storms from the room. Gakuganji is forced to get up and follow him to try and make him return since he was only allowed to stay on campus under the condition he remain supervised. Honestly your boyfriends would be snickering at him if they weren’t so focused on what Nanami and you just pulled off.

The day ends far better than it began. Yaga taking the Tokyo students out to dinner to celebrate the win. Nanami and you, much to your mortification, get special attention in way of an improvised sing-song cheer by Satoru that Haibara joins in on in the restaurant, causing both of you to try and vanish into your seats. Haibara slings an arm around Nanami’s shoulders and Satoru does the same to you, continuing on with their little routine. Despite how you cover your face with your hands to hide from all the eyes focused on you, you’re smiling.

___

And that's where this one ends! I hope it wsn't too rough of a read. I'm just bringing together certain threads i've hopefully established before now. I hope the ending makes up for some of it. I know techinically there is a day two to the exchange event but I don't feel like writing it. Before i decided to have Naoya get kicked from the event i was playing with the idea of him and reader being put against eachother in the 1 v 1 match but I got tired of putting him in the same space as reader... He's an emotionally tolling character for me to write.

The next chapter will be snapshots of the rest of second year (including me planning to show Satoru and Suguru's birthdays) christmas, new years, ect. It'll be a bit disjointed. The chapter will probably literally be called snap shots. After it's it written though we enter the stage of stuff i actually wrote ahead of time and just need to tweak to tie it together better to the rest of the story.

Thank you all for being so patient with me while i got this chapter figured out.

Special thanks once again to @strawberrystepmom for beta reading this for me otherwise i may have scrapped the entire idea of including the exchange event because i was having such a time with this chapter.

Tag list: @nanamikentoseyebags @icy-spicy @biscuitsngravie @sleezzsister @moonsua1 @yuuuumii @yokaimoon @chibiizzy @porridgesblog @suhmie @defacatestenderly @agentdedf1sh @strawberrystepmom

@night-shadowblood-writes2 @missphanosaur18

(Pls have your age in your bio before asking to be added to the tag list. My blog isn't for minors.)

#satoru gojo x reader #suguru geto x reader #satosugu x reader #gojo satoru x reader #geto suguru x reader #geto x reader #gojo x reader #gn!reader #jjk x reader #jjk x gn!reader #rossi writes #posting and running away

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naranjapetrificada · 4 months ago

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I have really, really loved seeing everyone talking about their favorite fics they've written but I wasn't expecting to be tagged tbh because I've posted so few. Thanks so much @scribophile for tagging me so I can play too!

I only have 3 one-shots and a stagnating WIP to my name but I do have favorites, so.

Cornerstone means a lot to me because it was the first time I'd felt moved to write fiction (fan or original) in over a decade. I have years (and two post-secondary degrees worth) of baggage around writing in the way that only 90s "gifted kids" who were actually just neurodivergent can, and being able to write fiction again after so much time and angst has been such a joy.

My favorite of the one-shots though is probably Ways of Wanting, which was literally just inspired by Ed's beautiful, beautiful neck and written in a flurry of thoughts and feelings about the sublimation of queer desire. What I love about it is that if Cornerstone was the roots a seemingly-dead tree defiantly bursting through concrete, then Ways is like the first green shoots of new growth to sprout from the tree's branches. It was fun to write but more than anything else it felt necessary, because I needed to see myself stretching beyond my limits and doing something new.

(I also really love the Birth of Venus image that popped into my head at the last second, and if that had been the only thing to come from having written the whole thing it would still feel worth it.)

Last of course is my historical-ish fantasy-ish WIP, From the Firmament, which I am going to finish, because there's nothing I hate more than breaking promises I've made to myself. Getting the chance to write something this self-indulgent has been so rewarding, especially because of how much it's reminded me that writing can be fun.

Now obviously, drafting chapter 3 has taken significantly more time than anticipated. Part of the problem is that Izzy, in typical fashion, elbowed his way into having a POV section that has been as unpleasant to write as the man himself is to be around (although I have to admit that some of the discomfort is creative growing pains).

But beyond Izzy, there are things about the storytelling process itself at this point that are dredging up a lot of my writing baggage in a way that writing the first two chapters didn't. For a few reasons Ed's POV always takes me the longest, and he's got the lion's share of this chapter's narration. And I definitely spent too long deciding which historical blurb should start the chapter, which kept me floundering for too long trying to build the chapter's basic skeleton. I'm also having to work through poet-brain perfectionism with some of the prose.

But I'm determined to finally learn these and other craft lessons I've been putting off for decades though, just as I'm determined to see this story through to the end.

(also I got laid off in June and sometimes feel guilty if I'm not spending every waking moment on job sites, which is a mistake but it makes writing fic harder than it needs to be. I'm working on it.)

I feel like this game has been going around long enough that almost everyone I would tag has already been tagged, but last time I checked I didn't see a post from @veeagainsttheday nor @tresdem? Both are incredibly skilled (and maybe more importantly, dedicated) writers who have made me cry repeatedly in the best ways possible, so even if they don't want to make their own posts you should still go read their gentlebeard work immediately.

#tag game #tag games #fic writing #writing process #writing woes #from the firmament #ofmd #our flag means death #edward teach #ofmd fanfic #izzy hands

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luniidae · 9 months ago

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~ Too Familiar ~

Chapter VII

TW: +18. Hi everyone ! This chapter is certainly the longest I've written, but it is also about a sensitive subject you can, I think, guess just by looking at the illustration (and "don't worry", it's not about Raphael himself).

I just wanted to say that this event isn't only here for drama, this is mainly the metaphor of a brutal transition from childhood to adulthood, like a bubble of peace suddenly bursted to bring the character to a reality she never really knew, bringing many conflicted feelings.

Anyway, "enjoy" !

_________________________________________

"I'M NOT YOURS TO USE !", she shouted.

Raphael's eyes darkened and he seized her chin, pressing his claws into her cheeks. For a moment, she thought he would eventually ripe her jaw off.

"You ARE mine, little mouse. Do you really think that your presence here has no purpose ? Do you think I was feeling lonely so I asked Korilla to find a random child to give me company ? Of course not.... You are here for a reason, and it has nothing to do with your damn horns. You are here because I want it, because I tolerate it !"

She was staring at him, holding his forearm. His eyes... It felt like his piercing eyes were looking right into her soul. She could sense his grip getting tighter on her face. It hurt.

"Fath..."

"I am NOT your father !", he interrupted her.

Suddenly, she felt her heart stop, break, then falling into pieces. It was like a burning blade had just pierce her chest. Of course he wasn't her father, she knew that, but she couldn't help but love him as such.... She looked at him, her eyes full of sadness and disbelief.

"Look at you... Crying like a baby", he said, his gaze becoming less hateful but withering, "You are so sensitive. You try to play the role of the rebellious youth, but you are nothing but a frightened child, weak, and seeking for attention and love"

Luvia couldn't believe her own ears. She didn't want to. That was even more painful that all the horns which had been taken from her during those last 7 years. She was so hurt that she spoke without thinking.

"That's not true ! I am NOT a child anymore !", she screamed, "I HATE YOU !"

She didn't mean it at all of course, but that is all which came out of her mouth at this very moment. She didn't know her heart could hurt so much, it was so painful she could barely add anything else. Anyways, she wouldn't have the time to, as Raphael tightened his grip again and frowned, evidently upset, and the heat of his hand seemed to have increased. For a second or two, she thought having seen a glint of something in his eyes. But she couldn't tell if it was sadness or disappointment, or both, or just her imagination...

"Is that so ? Fine !", he declared bitterly.

At those words, he took Luvia with him across the corridors. She couldn't help but follow him, as he was holding the back of her neck. It felt like he could break it anytime. She couldn't ask where they were going, or what he was about to do, but she was frightened. Really frightened. She never spoke to him like that before, and she didn't think she would have been capable of such thing.

Anyways, she wouldn't have to wait too long to know where he was leading her.

The Boudoir...

Luvia never came here, she had not the right to. Raphael had always been clear about that, but she never knew why. Also, she was surprised to see Hope's projection suddenly appear, panicked.

"RAPHAEL, STOP ! What are you doing ?! She's but a child, she .."

"ENOUGH ! I'm done with you too !", he growled.

"You MONSTER !", she said before he made her disappear in a simple gesture, interrupting her.

He then threw Luvia on the floor unceremoniously.

"As for you...", he looked at her with a mix of contempt and smug look, "If you are so eager to play bigger roles than yours, then so be it", and he snapped his fingers.

The young girl covered her head with her arms, expecting him to turn her into a lemure or ashes. But nothing of such happened....

"That's better", he simply said.

Luvia remembered this tone well, those words.... "That's better". That was what he had said to her when he met her and gave her new clothes, that was what he had said the day she became a resident of the House of Hope, when he became a father figure to her, her protector, her saviour. She opened her eyes and looked at Raphael who was staring at her from his height.

"What did you ... ?", she interrupted herself and her eyes widened, an expression of terror slowly taking over her face. She didn't fully recognize her own voice. It was hers, of course, but... Slightly different. More mature, less acute. She touched her throat as if there was a problem with it. But then she saw her hands... Thin as usual, but a little bit bigger, just like the rest of her body.

She had that strange feeling to look at something unknown but familiar at the same time.

There was a kind of very large bathtub a little further and she crawled until it to check her reflection in the water. She felt her heart racing faster as she looked at herself. Or... Her older self.

She now looked like she was in her twenties. She turned back to Raphael.

"What is that ?!", she shouted, desperately trying to understand.

"What you asked for, Luvia", he answered calmly, "You wanted to prove that you were mature enough, now you won't have to pretend anymore".

"What ? No... That's not -"

"Needless to thank me", he said with a little bow, "The pleasure is mine.... Of course. Maybe next time you'll think twice before forgetting what is your place".

Luvia couldn't determine if he was sincere or not. Did he really have no compassion for her ? Not even a bit ?

"Do not worry, I'll be back later. Tomorrow perhaps. Meanwhile, I am sure you'll get along with your .... Temporary roommate", he said before turning on his heels and getting out of the room.

The magic barrier which usually prevented anyone to enter appeared after him. Luvia begged for his mercy and she threw herself on the semi-transparent and shining thing, beating it, hoping it would open. But she knew it wouldn't... It never had for her before, and it never will until Raphael's back.

"Father... ? Father ! Please ! PLEASE, FATHER ! LET ME OUT ! Don't leave me... I'm so sorry, please ! Don't...."

Luvia was screaming and sobbing so loud that it would have been hard for the other "residents" to not hear her. Even through the barrier. She looked for a way to deactivate it, even if she knew that was hopeless. And about Hope... Why did she look so terrified earlier ? What was the matter with this place anyway ? Luvia couldn't find out now, she was too busy trying to make the barrier disappear. But eventually she stopped, out of force.

Once she calmed herself down a bit, Luvia looked around her. The room was like the others: huge, luxurious and well decorated. There was this sort of pool in the middle, surrounded by cushions and plates full of fruits. She took a step forward, looking for something to do. She didn't understand why Raphael had locked her in here, also, she needed a new outfit, because the one she had on her was now too small and it was no longer comfortable.

While she was taking a closer look to the wardrobes, finding and puting on a proper clothes to fit her new shape, she suddenly heard something that made her jump.

"My my, what have we here ?", said a mysterious yet familiar voice.

Too familiar, she thought.

"I knew that Raphael could bring me surprises from time to time, but I wouldn't have expected it was you, little mouse".

She turned around to see who was speaking to her. She was so nervous she could hear her heartbeats in her ears, but she wasn't prepared at all for what she was about to see.

Before her stood a cambion in an... Unusual outfit. The worst part was that their face was too familiar to her. Luvia instinctively screamed and hide her eyes, she didn't want to see more. The devil chuckled at her reaction.

"Oh do not worry, I am not Raphael", they spoke with a charming tone while approaching her, like a predator sneaking to its prey,"I am far more better than that...".

Even if she couldn't see anything, she took a few steps backwards. They were now very close to her and slowly removed her hands from her face. Her back against the wall, she was now facing them but her eyes remained closed in a nervous expression.

"Tsk-tsk-tsk.... Come on, little mouse. I can't believe you don't even dare to look at me. Am I this intimidating ?"

They brought one of their hands to her face, caressing her cheek with their fingertips. They could smell her fear, sense her body shiver, and they loved that.

Luvia slowly opened her eyes and they caught her chin, forcing her to look at their face while they were examining hers.

"Raphael.... What a secretive little brat. He never told me how beautiful you were. Very naughty from him to keep you just for himself....."

The newly-young woman couldn't look at anything else but their eyes. Piercing, intense, just like -.... She didn't want to think about it. But the resemblance was too obvious to be ignored.

"I....... I suppose you are... The roommate He talked to me about earlier..", she managed to say, still confused and trying, in vain, to look in another direction. Of course it was them...

"Roommate ? Ha !", they laughed before adding with a vicious grin, "....... Yeah"

They took a few seconds to look at her face again.

"But let me introduce myself: I am Haarlep. Raphael's personal incubus, glamoured to look just like him". They made a little "ta-da" pose.

"It seems so...", she answered.

She could have die right here and right now if that would have been the only way to escape the situation. But she couldn't.... It was like a living nightmare and she didn't know what to do to get out of here. Luvia didn't know anything about incubuses, and she wondered why Raphael was keeping this creature here, how she could have never seen them in 8 years. And why they were.... Like that.

If she couldn't find answers to these questions, she could now understand why she didn't have the right to come here before.

The vision of the cambion made her feel incredibly uncomfortable, which made Haarlep smile wider.

They softly rubbed her chin with their right hand's index and thumb.

"You seem so nervous, my sweet. So fragile, so innocent, so ...", they got near her neck and took a deep breath, "... Virginal", and their eyes shone with a malicious shine, "My favorite". The creature suddenly seemed excited.

"P.. Please, just let me go... I don't want to be here", Luvia said with a trembling voice.

"Really ? Oh I'm hurt.... Because I do enjoy your company, you know... And I'm sure you will enjoy mine very soon."

While they were speaking, their eyes were examining her from head to toe, their left hand was on her shoulder, caressing the delicate fabric of her clothes between their fingers. The other though was slowly sneaking along her neck from her chin to the start of her breast, while the heat emanating from them increased. But Luvia couldn't handle it. They were too close, too tactile, too familiar, too..... Too much. She quickly sneaked under Haarlep's arm in an attempt to escape. But.....

"There is not way out, little mouse", they shouted at her as she was running away from them.

And they were right, there was nowhere to go. The entrance was closed, and she couldn't jump above the balcony.... Or maybe she could ? She wanted to escape so bad she was ready to try anything, no matter if she had to break a few bones in the process.

She started to climb over the structure, but while she was about to fall into the void of the Avernus, she heard the sound of a wing clap and felt something grips her waist, bringing her back inside.

"Let me go !", Luvia was trying to break free from Haarlep's embrace. But the incubus had no intention to do so. By the way, they were too strong for her and were amused by all of her vain efforts.

"How fierce you are", they giggled, amused, "I pretty much like a little entertainment. And to see you resisting is... Delectable"

"Listen here, devil, I'm not an object you can take and move wherever you want. Put me down, RIGHT NOW.", she growled, beating their forearms.

"Aw, how cute. You speak just like Him. But know that I can take whatever Raphael gives me", then they whispered in her ear, "And I'll take a great pleasure in breaking you, my dear".

Her eyes widened. Even if Luvia had not a lot of knowledge about "certain things", she wasn't that naive. Especially when she could sense their body tenses against hers, and their warm breath quicken on her skin.

She started to panick.

"Please let me go ! I'm not.... I'm not what you think !", she shouted.

"Don't worry, pet. This body suits you better anyway"

What ? They knew ? Luvia looked horrified.

They chuckled softly, "Did you think I've never seen you before ? Of course I did. Only from afar, alas."

Once they got close enough to the one and only bed of the room, a large and fancy crimson one, they threw her on it, firmly holding her wrists, no matter how hard she protested.

"I do love hunting, you know. Unfortunately, this room is not big enough for such games, it would get boring very quickly. And to be honest, I don't want to let my plaything go now I caught it. By the way, nice to finally meet you, Luvia. Raphael talked to me a lot about you".

The young "woman" stopped moving but didn't answer. She was doing her best to not pass out due to the stress. Haarlep had for a moment an interrogative look on their face.

"I wonder what could have happened... Is that you who sent the House on fire ? Or did you step on Raphael's tail ? No because I'm trying to understand, as he always forbidden me to touch you, no matter what. Really, it almost scared me. I thought for a moment he went sentimental"

They took a few seconds to observe Luvia's reaction, as they seemed to enjoy the situation. She seemed lost in her thoughts, considering Haarlep's words.

Raphael didn't want her to be in this room, and he didn't want Haarlep to make her any harm in any way... Did he want to... Protect her ? Did he actually care for her ? Or was it for his personal purpose only ? The incubus broke the train of her thoughts, their face close to her ear, whispering...

"It seemed he changed his mind, though"

Those words were more painful than she could have thought. She asked Haarlep to let her go once more, but they laughed.

"Oh no, little mouse... I guess he put you here for a reason, to teach you a lesson.... And who am I to avoid my responsibilities towards you ?", they said ironically.

They locked their eyes on hers, staring at her intensely, which made her feel like a little animal caught in a trap.

"Don't look at me like that", she said.

"Like what, dear ?"

"Like a piece of meat"

"Oh little mouse...", they put a knee between hers to spread her legs and sneak in-between, she held her breath, "All I see is a beautiful young woman who crave attention and love... Who crave my touch".

Attention and love.... She blushed so much... There was something strange and bewitching about this creature. It made her sick. The incubus grinned, satisfied of the effect they had on her.

A burning whirlwind wrapped her and her clothes disappeared in the flames (without burning her), which made her tense. She wanted to hide herself, to run away, to disappear... But the devil were still holding her.

"Just give in... And you'll enjoy yourself more", they said with a seductive voice.

"No no no no... !".

Haarlep kissed her while she started to fight back. Luvia's mind screamed in terror but she was hit by a flow of pure and contradictory emotions, since incubus saliva had the power to provide a strong connection with their victims. That was intense and soft at the same time, scary but comforting, embarrassing but agreeable. She couldn't tell how she felt exactly since it didn't seem natural anyway. Her body was like burning as they got closer, realizing their clothes were gone as well. They deepened the kiss, playing with her tongue. That was as weird as it was sensual.

Also, she could sense something getting quickly wet between her legs. It was embarrassing, and Haarlep's right hand was running along her body to reach this very sensitive spot. She wanted to stop them, to catch their hand, but she gasped at their touch.

"Oooh... Sounds like your body was already in the mood to receive me... I'm flattered"

Her eyes widened, this wasn't at all what she wanted.. Or maybe it was ? No, it wasn't. She was afraid of them, so why she was doubting ?

"No ! This is not - ", she stopped, sensing something else against her inner thigh. Something bigger. She tensed at this unwelcomed touch and tried to close her legs, but she couldn't since Haarlep was there. Their gaze never left hers.

"Oh, you want me to get closer ?", they asked with a teasing look, sensing her legs against their hips.

"NO ! Get away from me !", Luvia shooked her head.

They caressed her hair with their left hand, "Needless to resist, pet, I'll be very gentle for this first time. I'm not a monster, you know... And to be honest, that makes the whole thing even more thrilling ", they giggled.

Tears were coming to her eyes while they were pressing the head of their member against her entrance, until it eventually got inside...

That was painful, but Luvia moaned despite herself, being overwhelmed by an intense emotion at each of their movements. She wanted them to stop, she wanted them to leave her alone. She wanted to get out of here and never come back to this horrible place.

She covered her mouth with her hands to stop her from making any more sounds, but Haarlep removed them.

"Oh no, sweetheart. Your cries sound like music to my ears, and I would be disappointed to not hear you screaming my name, again... And again.... And again"

They insisted on those last words giving bigger thrusts at each of them.

They pressed their forehead to hers, looking straight into her eyes.

"You ARE mine, little mouse"

To be continued...

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #fantasy #video games #art #artists on tumblr #digital art #bg3 raphael #bg3 fanart #bg3 oc #bg3 house of hope #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 haarlep #bg3 smut

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tookyourdadsarrow · 2 days ago

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Intro Post ~

[Looks cautiously to and fro]

Don't tell Kyra, but I miiiiiight have taken her "secret" phone when she wasn't looking...

Not for anything bad of course! Just wanted a means to properly introduce myself ;)

🔥 Alex, Daughter of Hestia; Unclaimed...

Name: Alexandra Calida Alavez Age: 12 Pronouns: She/Her Godly Parent: Hestia; At the moment, I'm unclaimed Mortal Family: Sol Alavez (Dad) Camp Half-Blood Cabin: #21, once the truth has been revealed; for now, I tend to chill in Cabin #11 (Hermes)

Fun Facts About Yours' Truly -

🕯Favorite Color: Various shades of red and orange, though yellow is also starting to really grow on me... 🕯Birthday: November 24th (smack in the middle of Autumn; every four years, my birthday also falls on the day of family feasts)

🕯Hobbies: - Sparring with my Spear - Cooking and Baking - Writing and Telling Stories - Just... being there for others I suppose

🕯Favorite Snack: Bread, both savory & sweet

🕯Demigod Powers: - Pyrokinesis (i can control fire?!) - Food Enhancement (purify food/sense if it is tampered) - Limited Healing (through the food I cook) - Warmth & Serenity Inducement (make you feel warm & at peace ~)

🕯Best Camp Half-Blood Skills: - Cooking (some say the food I touch feels blessed ~) - Spearmanship - Lighting a Flame - Generally the Camp's Peacekeeper (do you all have any idea how many fights I had to break up and negotiate through)

🕯Dream Job (if I weren’t a demigod): I tend to be very... low-key. If I had to choose, maybe a quiet desk job. However, I also find I have a passion in helping others, so with that in mind I wouldn't say no to being a therapist or counselor of some sort!

🕯Background: I'm an only child. My dad never really felt the need to go out and settle down with someone else, so for the longest time it was just the two of us. Unfortunately, after I went through an unnatural accident two years ago my dad decided to start dating a nasty woman, Kathleen, and let's just say we haven't had the best relationship...

But now, after my dad has disappeared and I've been brought to camp Half-Blood, I have to deal with the challenges of being a demigod while also being unclaimed! Thank goodness for Kyra, otherwise I don't think I would have managed so well (she's fantastic)!

🕯Personality: Optimistic, passionate, though relatively introverted and a bit too altruistic for her own good, it's not too far off to say Alex is the kind of person who puts her loved ones before herself. She is always willing to lend an ear and be a pillar of support to those who need it, especially if they are near and dear to her heart. Though she is a pacifist at heart, preferring to use her words in resolving conflict, Alex will use her actions to send a message if she must!

Though she has been left unclaimed, for the time being, she does not let this deter her away from the others at camp. While still a bit of an outcast, Alex has learned to hone her abnormalities and embrace her half-divine blood (even if she has found herself growing... resentful... of her godly mother); but above all else, she is determined to find out what happened to her father!

🕯Favorite Camp Memories: - Cooking a meal for her fellow demigods for the first time - Telling a beautiful story over the campfire, one with a happy ending - Meeting Kyra for the first time (girl quite literally was a beacon of light in all the chaos)

🕯Little Extra Detail: I can't help but imagine and create little stories about the things I see, no matter how small the subject is about: - Those campers walking off to train in the woods, who knows the trial they are preparing for? - That fox carrying a stick in his mouth, or an adventurous spirit set out to complete his own little journey? - Two fireflies, illuminating the other even when they have the means to glow so beautifully on their own...

Where will their story go from here?

#pjo fandom #pjo oc #oc #oc blog #intro post #hestia #child of hestia

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randomingoftherandomness · 1 year ago

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aaaaahhhh they're so cute! could you do something with arranged marriage maybe, where yuanzhi doesn't know who he's being married off to? he's resigning himself to being a lukewarm bride for some random stranger, and meanwhile shangjue has a laundry list of fantasies waiting for the day he gets to fuck the little wife he's been raising up

A/N: I have a question Nonnie, are you living in my brain because I have been thinking of an AU like this.

Shangjue would have to be lying if he said that he hasn't been waiting for this exact day for years. Standing here, sharing wine and putting up with the teasing from all the wedding well-wishers with Ziyu standing close by, the atmosphere of the day has been nothing short of triumphantly festive and it satisfies some prideful part of Shangjue's heart to know that their wedding will be the talk of the jianghu for months to come.

It's nothing short of what Yuanzhi deserves and nothing less than the best that Shangjue wants to give.

Ziyu clinks his glass to a few visiting lords and Shangjue sneaks a look to where the bridal chamber is.

He had been so nervous this morning when he carried Yuanzhi across the threshold to the Jue residence, though logically, he knows that there is nothing to be nervous about.

Well.

Nothing other than how Yuanzhi hadn't known it was him that he was marrying today.

Yuanzhi had tried to fight the edict to marry in the beginning, even going as far as to kneel in front of the Elder's Hall for three nights so that they can break it off, to no avail. Shangjue had tried to coax him with careful words and gentle assurances that marriage wouldn't be that bad, he'll see.

"Look at you," Elder Xue tuts, shaking his head with a smile. "Your mind is no longer here but with your Madam, hm?"

Shangjue demurs, accepting a toast from the man and tossing it back. "Can you blame me, Elder Xue? He's the wife I've been waiting to marry for the longest time."

"I should find it funny that you've been raising a little wife in your backyard, but honestly," Ziyu huffs, narrowing his eyes at Shangjue. "I feel like this is the only way you'd ever find a partner to marry."

Shangjue feels his cheeks warm at that statement but doesn't do anything to refute it. How could he when that's half the truth at this point, even if the rest of the world may not think it is?

He'd initially taken Yuanzhi under his protection and care because they were two lonely children looking for a home. But as the years have gone by, every single time he comes home to Yuanzhi, that feeling of protection and care has only deepened. Coloured by the way Yuanzhi has carved out a place in his heart where no one else can ever occupy, shaped by hands that put him first, tinged with the taste of Yuanzhi's love for him.

And he knows that Yuanzhi does love him and has loved him for the longest time. He'd struggled for the longest time with the unspoken thing between them before he decided to grab onto this with both hands.

Shangjue can only hope that Yuanzhi won't blame him too much for machinating this route for him to tie Yuanzhi to him for eternity.

"Go, go, go," Elder Xue laughs. "Ziyu and I will block anyone who tries to stop you from going to him."

Ziyu nods, a little flushed from the wine, but eyes still very much focused. Yun Weishan comes up next to her husband with a small smile. "I overheard Zishang jiejie say that she's going to dig up her Nü Er Hong for Jin Fan to drink tonight," She confides.

"Heavens above! She's getting married in two months, can't she wait?" Ziyu sighs, exasperated. Shangjue smiles. Their Zhiren will have to solve this one for himself. Taking his leave, he doesn't look back as he climbs the stairs to their wedding chamber.

With each step he takes, Shangjue allows his mind to wander a little. There's so many things he has planned for them.

Yuanzhi will have to live in Jue residence with him as his wife, of course, but he will never stop him from going back to the Zhi residence and taking on the mantle of Lord of the Zhi lineage as is his right. Yuanzhi is a genius and his brilliance will never be dulled by their marriage. Shangjue will do everything in his power that Yuanzhi can cultivate more of his skills and abilities.

He won't make any impositions on Yuanzhi as his husband, and will do nothing that goes against what Yuanzhi wants. But, a small part of him hopes and Shangjue continues to plan.

He plans for how to shower his little wife with affection and adoration. Nothing Yuanzhi hasn't been used to over the years, but Shangjue plans to slowly introduce him to much more... physical intimacies. He wants to hold Yuanzhi's hands while they take after dinner walks, wants to kiss him while they watch the moon, wants to keep him in his belly and hold him there, safe and protected.

More than that, he wants to pour his love into Yuanzhi.

Aches to show him all the pleasures of the flesh. Burns at the thought of being Yuanzhi's teacher, and oh! Is he going to teach him everything he knows. Shangjue's not coming to their wedding bed a virgin, but he's sure that Yuanzhi is. He has, after all, been keeping tabs on that front. No one has ever caught his Didi's eye, and now he'll make sure no one else does.

Shangjue takes the last turn to a separate courtyard. This one's in the Yu residence, a little tucked away corner of quiet and peace that Ziyu had offered to Shangjue. It's private, but more than that, it's close enough to the back hill that Shangjue can whisk his little bride away for the next month while Yuanzhi relearns and reshapes what they are to each other.

He can't wait.

Would Yuanzhi like the things he has planned, he wonders. Would he want to change any part of that plan? Shangjue wouldn't mind a few deviations. It keeps things interesting and Yuanzhi is always good about that.

Shangjue is confident that he likes being on top, but maybe for his Yuanzhi's sake, he could try receiving. He'll have to leave for another trip in two months but he thinks Ziyu can be persuaded to let Yuanzhi come with him.

Perhaps Shangjue can dress him in the blue robes he had had made a month ago. Or maybe he can persuade Yuanzhi to ride with him in a carriage. He'll get one with a bed. The kind with a heated stove for winter. It would be more comfortable for what Shangjue wants to do to him.

A dagger flies at his face the second he opens the door and he barely dodges before he feels the air shift.

"Ge!"

The sword narrowly missed his nose and Shangjue deftly disarms Yuanzhi. “How did you even sneak that on you?” He scoffs, incredulous.

“Ge, what are you doing here?” Yuanzhi grabs at his sleeve. He blinks, looking him up and down. “Why are you wearing the groom’s robes?”

"That..."

Shangjue gives a sheepish shrug. "I can explain?"

#probably not what you were looking for Nonnie #by not what you’re looking for I mean there’s probably the lack of spicy lemons here and I get that #but #I could write a sequel should I be so compelled to #:D #my journey to you #my journey to you fic #gong shangjue x gong yuanzhi #shangzhi #juezhi #gab writes stuff

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gem-femmes · 2 months ago

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My Weight Loss Journey: What Works & What Fails 🍽️🌿🧘🏻‍♀️

A few years ago, I lost 20 kg in 6 months, reaching a BMI of 19. I was working with a personal trainer, I had a fitness routine, my nutrition was strict, and my body fat was at around 19%.

That was when I looked my best — and then I let it go.

In the past two years, I gained back 10 kg. I look fine, but the standard that had been reached is very far.

Some people accept themselves at a new weight, and that's fine if it works for you. It doesn't work for me. There's always a voice in my head nagging me and reminding me that I've strayed from my path.

I don't want to only accept my body. I want to enjoy my body. 🧘‍♀️

I embarked on a fresh weight loss journey recently. It was time to review:

what had worked for me the first time

what approaches to dieting had failed

and what worked but cannot be repeated now as my personal circumstances have changed.

In the past, what really boosted my weight loss efforts was water fasting for 24 hours or more. My longest fast was 72 hours. I fasted quite frequently over 6 months, as well as after reaching my goal weight for maintenance.

Unfortunately, I found that fasting, though effective, is unsustainable for me in the long run. It often led to eating more the next day. I ended up sabotaging my efforts. You can call it a "cheat day" but it's still counterproductive.

As for personal circumstances that have changed, I now take medication that needs to be taken with food, so fasting longer than 24 hours is out of question anyway.

I've briefly considered intermittent fasting. The problem is that I attend a lot of meetings and business events, which can be at any time of the day—in other words, there is no routine.

Food and drinks are always offered. I'm capable of not touching the food (germaphobia), but I might drink something that has calories, which would break the IF. I don't want this to be at the forefront of my mind when I'm closing business deals.

Another thing I remember is that in the 6 months I was losing weight the last time, walking was my only exercise. I only started working with a personal trainer after reaching my goal weight.

When I started exercising, I became hungrier. Dealing with that hunger was harder than when I was eating much less but not exercising. People often report they've actually gained weight after starting at the gym - this is why.

I took into account my previous experience with weight loss when I kickstarted my weight loss journey this month.

For now, I decided to simply reduce the amount of food. No fasting, no additional exercise, and especially no strenuous exercise. Also, no overthinking about calories, including not counting calories. I need this mental space to focus on other matters.

Extremely important: no cheat days.

This approach has been going well. I've dropped some weight and I look better.

More importantly, I realized that I had simply become used to a lot of food, and I don't actually need that much.

This weight loss journey has been easy to maintain, and might be viable in the long run.

Most of all, I'm learning to accept that to reach and maintain my goal weight, I literally can't have my cake and eat it too.

I feel that this is the crux of the inability to lose weight in most people. We're wired to look for the easy way out, workarounds, shortcuts, and cheat codes.

For most people, it was easier to maintain weight when we were younger, and when that ability vanishes, we dislike to acknowledge that the situation has changed. That we're different now. But those times are gone, and I need to do what works today, even if it takes a lot more effort.

#weight loss journey #weight loss #glowing up #becoming that girl #adulting #leveling up #self improvement #self discipline #fit girl

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athousandotherfaces · 7 months ago

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kynesgrove, morthal, and markarth for the skyrim asks!

Thank you for the ask! Heads up, I've thought about some of these things for the better part of a decade so there's rambling. Enjoy the scroll!

Kynesgrove: What's your favorite non-major city/town/settlement?

Rorikstead! I think that it has such an intriguing position and a narrative that isn't explicitly explored; it's just hinted at through ambient elements and some PC/ NPC dialogue. I really love that it feels cozy, but slightly unsettling if you stop and think about it.

There's the lack of almost any grown women among the residents, aside from one elvish woman in town. It's positioned close to two known Forsworn camps/strongholds (Serpent's Bluff Redoubt and Bleakwind Bluff respectively) Which, hey, yes they could've popped up after the town was established. (which is another strange point of interest: Rorik lives in town and says he founded it: but it's also mentioned as having been founded literal ages ago in written records) The residents mention they haven't had a bad harvest in years. Years, despite war, hardly any work force to harvest things and being easily open to raids from bandits, Forsworn, what have you. Jouane, the healer, has several books on daedric worship in his home, and has an ambient dialogue with one of the young girls not to tell anyone about their 'little secret' when she asks if he can teach her magic. These facts taken together make me think there's a deal between the townsfolk of Rorikstead and the Forsworn that entails ladies of a certain age be sacrificed to ensure these unfailing harvests. Given it's location Rorikstead is isolated from a lot of the protections of Whiterun Hold and it's mentioned by some of the NPCs- they're essentially on their own. It's also pretty close to a dragon burial mound and a vampire den. Which I think is also meant to further highlight that the village is basically left to fed for itself (without much scrutiny) because it is so far from Whiterun. Dialogue from guards even mentions that Rorikstead is more susceptible to a dragon attack because of its location, low martial population and lack of defensible space. All this, plus you can find Erik the Slayer, probably my favorite follower here: Visit Rorikstead!

Morthal-Do you enjoy exploring dungeons and ruins? Why or why not?

I do! I've done so many different dragonborn builds that each time I do dungeon diving it feels fun. Now that's not to say I don't find it repetitive after a bit. I've played plenty of hours of Skyrim and Dragon age 2 (a game not gracefully noted for diverse dungeon maps); I really think, and this isn't to let things off the hook, but as a rpg fan you gotta make your own fun after a bit. I will say some ruins are more engaging than others and some feel like they are meant to break you of the impulse to get in and out quickly, while others are more of a see-if-you can-outlast atmosphere (I'm looking at Forelhost, Labyrinthian, and several Dwemer ruins). I'm a huge fan of the set dressing and narrative elements the dungeons and ruins have. I also really enjoy using followers. I have my go to followers but I do try to swap in new faces too, both vanilla and mod added followers.

Markarth-If you could rewrite one questline in Skyrim, which would it be?

Ooh, that's a tough one. Really tough.

I think if I had to pick one I would say it would be more of an additional pathway instead of a complete rewrite. But I thought for the longest time that if a few choices were made throughout the Dark Brotherhood and Thieves Guild questlines that there should be a hybridized questline added for a dragonborn who becomes Listener for the Brotherhood and Guildmaster for the Thieves Guild that deals with Maven Black-Briar & her hold on the DB & Thieves Guild after you get into the top spots.

If I remember correctly you can in both questlines tell or hint to Maven Black-Briar/her loyalists that your cooperation as her pawn as you go up the ranks is wearing thin/will cease once you're in sufficiently with the groups and they're restored to their proper glory. I would really love for there to have been an attempt by Maven (especially if she's made jarl through the civil war questline) to try to have you framed for a major political crime or just outright attempt to have you assassinated by the Morag Tong (or just frame the Morag Tong since they're not friendly to the DB and it could easily lead to inter-assassin guild fighting allowing Maven to attempt to take them down in a bid to extend her reach and consolidate power). Maven just never struck me as someone who tolerated the idea of power being wrested away from her, or just the appearance of losing grip on power like the guilds command. So some upstart dragonborn suggesting they'll be doing just that felt like it should have a pretty strong response from her.

#Skyrim #thanks for the ask!#@naturalbornlosers

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avocado-frog · 1 year ago

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notes on wip drafts because it's been about a year since I've been posting here and because i have not posted real writing stuff in ages and because i'm awesome and i can do whatever i want

really long watch out

Draft 1- -Characters: Leo, Cass, Marcy, Kai, Addy -Leo + Cass are twins, Marcy is their adoptive sister from France, Addy was their adoptive sister from Ireland, Kai was Leo's friend from school -Written in first person POV -The twins were 14, Kai was 13, Marcy was 12, Addy was 11 -Written sometime late 2019 on Wattpad -Written during my ninja turtles era, each character loosely based on one of the turtles + April (Leo as Leonardo, Cass as Donatello, Addy as Michelangelo, Marcy -Leo's full name really is just Leo and no last name -Leo gets a wolverine claw sort of thing that is also a flamethrower -Leo gets in a fight with Marcy over a board game, runs off, gets stolen right out of the woods for Plot Purposes, goes missing for like six months, the other kids get exactly one chapter of looking for her, and then there's three chapters of Mind Control Leo -The end of the first draft was between my ninja turtles hyperfixation and my tangled the series hyperfixation and I know this because I had a song chapter of crossing the line between the twins

Draft 2- -Characters: Leo, Cass, Kai, Marcy, Addy -Written in first person POV -Written a month or two after the first draft -Mostly the same plot but Leo is taken to a cabin instead of a warehouse -Didn't last very long, because it was really only Leo and writing a story with only one character is sort of hard

Draft 3- -Characters: Leo, Cass, Kai, Marcy, Addy -Leo and Kai were romantically involved (ew) -First person POV -Same ages as the other two -Kai follows Leo before she gets kidnapped, somehow they end up in Canada -First establishes the setting in Maine -Leo burns down the cabin with a match (the kids don't have magic yet) -Kai and Leo spend way too much time trying to get from Canada to Maine -Like they go to Mexico for some reason -I remember writing the last chapter during online history class with the Worst Teacher Ever in seventh grade so I had to have been like 13-14/mid 2021 because I started going half online half offline sometime in April

Draft 4- -Characters: Leo, Cass, Kai, Marcy, Addy, Ryan, Sam, Elliot -Written when I started getting into DuckTales. Hence the triplets -They're seven years old -Created so that Leo + Kai have more stakes -They save the triplets but at the cost of me losing motivation after that

Draft 5- -Characters: Leo, Cass, Kai, Marcy, Addy, Ryan, Sam, Elliot -But I got attached to their characters so I kept them -It changed to third person POV -Leo's full name is Leonidas for fucking no reason -Kai is no longer part of the main plot and no longer a love interest because I didn't like writing it -The triplet's backstory is that they're the kids of the people that have stolen Leo, but that their mother died when they were like two -So now they're locked in a basement and so is Leo -Elliot's completely blind -Leo once again saves the kids but has a villain arc in the process -Proceeds to kidnap Cass with a stolen car, builds a robot army, gets blown up -Brief redemption arc follows after Leo goes to jail for a bit

Draft 6- -Leo, Cass, Kai, Marcy, Addy, Ryan, Sam, Elliot, Logan (Lily, Dylan, and Jaxon are there, but they aren't named) -The longest one I have -Written a little while after draft five, because I wanted to give Leo some friends in jail -Leo breaks out of jail with the other kids, but Logan is the only named one -And he has a wildly different name but I'm not going to tell you what it was -The first time I decided to give the twins magic. Since the other three were side characters and horribly underdeveloped they didn't get anything. Leo gets decay and fire, Cass gets healing and plants -Logan goes back to jail but Leo doesn't. Logan's magic involves metal and ice -First lab concept, but the kids are in prison

Draft 6's sequel -Some Prophecy Bullshit -The kids have to go find Logan (he's sixteen or something) -They get him out of jail, he steals a school bus -I can't remember much, I abandoned it when I couldn't figure out what to do with the prophecy bullshit. Something about portals

Draft 6's third book -Leo, Cass, Kai, Marcy, Addy, Ryan, Sam, Elliot, Logan, Lily, Jaxon, Dylan -Lasted like three chapters -I wrote it while I was figuring out what to do with the sequel -But Jaxon, Lily, and Dylan show up -Jaxon and Dylan were 12 and 11, and Lily was 13 (twins are still 14) -Lily was Leo's new romantic interest (this is why Leo is canonically bi) -Jaxon and Dylan were placeholder names -I can't remember whether Dylan was always deaf or not, I deleted the thing -Written in 2021

Draft 7- -Leo, Cass, Kai, Marcy, Addy, Ryan, Sam, Elliot, Logan, Lily, Dylan, Jaxon -A rewrite of draft 6, but meets the other kids + Logan -Leo overthrows the government with them

Draft 8- -Instead of going to jail, Leo meets them because she gets jumped in an alley by Jaxon and Logan makes him leave her alone -Her villain arc includes them now -Concept that Leo can't be burned because of her fire magic -The triplets are adopted by Kai's family, they get a larger role

Draft 9- -Logan is a little nicer now, he lets Leo stay with her, and does not like her family -He's got beef with seven-year-olds -Not many changes, I just wanted to write it again -The lab is introduced but I didn't really have any ideas for it -I posted this one

Draft 9's sequel- -Sort of like draft 6's sequel, wanted to try again -Characters with a villain arc in draft 9/the sequel: Leo, Jaxon, Lily, Dylan, Logan, Elliot, Cass, Ryan -Characters without a villain arc in draft 9/the sequel: Kai, Marcy, Sam, Addy -The earliest version of forget-me-not chapter 17 (Ryan gets pushed into a lake and nearly drowns) here it's he falls into a lake while the kids are trying to learn to water raft (in both versions, he's alone with Jaxon) -Elliot, the blind seven-year-old child, gets a villain arc -I remember this specifically because Leo has a line like "can't we just pick him up and put him somewhere else??" -I know for a fact that Dylan is deaf here -Because I still have this version -For some reason, Sam has a snake -Leo's afraid of snakes and Marcy is afraid of ducks -or something?? -Written June 2021

Draft 10- -The whole story is completely scrapped -Written in December 2021 -With six months between drafts nine and ten, I decided to redo a lot of plot stuff -Logan is aged up to eighteen, Dylan remains eleven, Jaxon remains twelve, and Lily is thirteen. The triplets are aged up to ten. The twins are fourteen still -Logan is aged up because he buys a house -Triplet's backstory is changed. Their names are briefly changed to Adrian, Emile, and Ethan -Logan's sister, Jasmine, is created for the first time, just to be immediately killed -One of the closest to canon -Part one is Leo, part two is Jaxon, part three is Elliot -Leo runs away after learning the truth about her parents (they're really her parents here) (whatever the truth is is not expanded on because I never got farther than an outline) and meets Jaxon, because they're both in the middle of robbing a gas station -Cass does not join Leo in meeting them -The first time it was set in 2018-2019 -The first time I allowed myself to use swears The outline since I have it (but it's the tldr version) 1- Leo is a drug dealer (?? girl-) 2- The twins fight, Addy gives Leo a clue about their parents (how does she know) (never expanded on) 3- The twin's birthday, Kai's POV, he's roped into the situation by Cass 4- Leo runs away, steals a car, and meets Jaxon while they're robbing a gas station 5- Jaxon and Leo officially meet, during a storm, Jaxon breaks into her hotel room because he's figured out that she's magic 6- Jaxon and Leo get a Subway sandwich, and Jaxon bullies Logan into letting Leo live with them 7- Lily and Leo set up Leo's room 8- Leo and Dylan go to the store, Dylan sees their parents + gets upset over it. Leo + Dylan bonding hours 9- Leo and Jaxon go to the lab 10- They meet Ryan and Sam. Sam's been poisoned, Ryan doesn't know the antidote. Since the twist is that Leo made the drugs used on them, she knows what to do. Jaxon gets Elliot 11- Logan lets the triplets live with them 12- Jaxon tries to set up Lily and Leo 13- The Christmas chapter (an actual line from the outline: "Leo doesn't respond because she's too gay and ice skating with her girlfriend") 14- A lot like forget me not where Elliot overhears that the twins are his sisters and he gets upset, but this time, since the twins are not related to them, he overhears that Leo made the drugs used on him 15- Jaxon's backstory. No elaboration in the outline I was just supposed to hope for the best 16- Ryan is only now learning sign language for Dylan, Lily talks to Elliot with throwing knives, Logan + Sam bonding hours 17- Another version- ironically chapter seventeen- where Jaxon is the only one around when Ryan gets pushed into a lake. This time he lands himself in the hospital for trying to save him because he can't swim 18- The kids find out that Jax is brain damaged 19- Logan convinces Leo to text Cass (she has not talked to Cass since chapter two) 20- The kids go to Maine for a week. Cass, Kai, Marcy, and Addy are all really weirded out by Leo's character development which is honestly really fair 21- Elliot + Cass talk hours 22- The kids go to a carnival 23- Sam apologizes for What He Did (not elaborated on) and Elliot goes bonkers mode 24- Elliot meets "Lucas" who tells him that Lily can help 25- Lily Knows Something (not elaborated on) that apparently has to do with their mother's death for some reason. Not a clue how Lily should know, she's about as detached from their backstory as one could get 26- I had only written "figure it out from here" and since forget me not is based on this outline (with a lot of changes) it's probably the reason I forgot to make a canon outline for chapter 26 27- Triplet backstory 28- Ryan sees Elliot talking to himself in the mirror 29- Elliot learns to use his magic properly 30- The triplets fight 31- Elliot dies

Draft 10 sequel -Lasted one chapter but it was alright -Elliot's dead but some weird infection bullshit happens (plot of Dahlia) -Like a zombie apocalypse -Also Leo's thing with classic novels is established -Leo has a Frankenstein motif the whole time -All I remember is that Leo became some weird demon thing and tried to kill Jaxon over it

Draft 11- -Final canon forget-me-not -Written about a year ago (I know this because I made the outline a day before my last day of school to see if I could finish by the end of summer) (I could not) -I cut Addy out because I didn't like her -Logan was aged to 22, the twins to 16, Kai and Lily to 15, Jaxon to 14, Dylan remained 11, and the triplets remained 10 -I struggled for a while before outlining to come up with a title, it was going to be different nursery rhymes, and then different songs, and then random synonyms for fire, before I decided I liked flowers -So each character was given a flower -Instead of coming up with names for titles, I attached dates so that I could stress myself out with a timeline 👍

Some other extra things: -Jaxon had tourettes but I forgot -Leo was trans but now Jaxon is -I had a version that was like 500 words long where Ryan just goes on a stab people spree -Elliot had cataracts for a minute -The triplet's mother's name was Amelia for a long time

#there might be more but i deleted a lot of things and im basing most of it off of memory #thinking about how i only started writing four years ago #like that feels weird #i like randomly finding stuff related to earlier drafts though. like i made the character playlists way before forget me not #and it's weird to listen to Logan's and find the edgiest fucking song and be like What the Fuck #i also like going through the ones with the kid's villain arcs like they would NEVER #(leo would THRIVE with a villain arc and so would jax and elliot)#writing #isaac says things related to his writing again #original work

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jailaster · 2 years ago

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Song Review 1: A Turtle's Heart by Mili

As the first song on their first album, Mili has to make a good impression. And my first impression was: 👌 This song captures their essence, their goal, their style right off the bat. This song is seemingly simple but tells of what's to follow in the rest of this album and in their career. Mili has done an excellent job of defining themselves - it just takes a careful listener to hear their message. You'll need more than a few listens to appreciate everything that is going on in this song alone. Allow me to walk you through my interpretation, analysis, and review of this song.

Song Analysis

The heart of a turtle. Turtles are slow beings and are generally depicted as wise. They move slowly, have hard exteriors, and have soft interiors. Therefore, the heart of a turtle is also soft and needs to be protected. An obvious conclusion, in the literal sense. But in terms of meaning for the song, the protagonist is someone who is emotionally guarded yet is highly empathetic and loves deeply. Additionally, our protagonist seems to be someone who is very old, nearing the end of their life.

The story told by the song is as follows: The protagonist is alone, having been left behind by their partner after their passing relatively early in their life. We can glean from the intensity and longevity of their grieving that the protagonist had found and lost their soulmate - their one and only. Our lead attempts to live on but it is a largely futile attempt as they still love their partner deeply and carries the weight of their death daily. They are trying so hard to move on and live a regular life - just as their partner would have wanted. And they regularly experience mental breaks while trying to do so. And because they're so old, our lead's body is beginning to fail and so is their mind. The weight of their loss and grieving for over a half-century going into old life leads to a final dramatic and heartbreaking mental breakdown...

and they die of a broken heart

We'll walk together through this heart wrenching story together

Monday is a rainy day and I stay inside letting time pass away Tuesday is quite the same, so I daydream about moments of shame

The rain is reflective of the protagonist's mood and thoughts: they're constantly hurting on the inside and are depressed at being without their soulmate. The days are melting together, and time is becoming meaningless. The symptoms of depression are apparent. They're remembering and holding onto their strongest and longest lasting memories of their time together. The moments of shame are likely referring to embarrassing moments they either experienced together or mistakes confided in each other. After all, highly emotional events like these are more easily stored into our long-term memory and are easily recalled.

Life goes around and round, I've stumbled and stopped moving on Turning round and around, I realize that I have been left behind

This section is particularly well portrayed because Wei's voice goes up and down in pitch in singing "have been left behind", resembling a heartbeat pattern - down up, down up. And here we see the first indication of how severe the lead's hurting is affecting their mental state. Also, Wei's high-pitched voice and drawing out the "behind" allows you to nearly experience firsthand the pain that is being endured. This is the first of two mental breaks shown through these pure, guttural cries.

In a tiny tiny tiny tiny cubicle There lives a whiny whiny whiny whiny cowardly turtle In twenty thirty forty fifty sixty years My heart won't die no matter how hard I try

This portion is about how the protagonist attempts to move on and live on after their partner's death for over a half-century. But their life is rather meaningless and they're overall depressed and maybe even bitter. Their heart living on in this case is both literal and figurative. In the literal sense, Protag may be wishing for their own death as to be reunited with their partner more quickly. Taken this way, they are not suicidal, but they do want their suffering alone to end eventually. Figuratively, the heart represents their enduring love and lasting grief. In this view, they cannot move on from their partner, even though they might even want to. It is apparent that their love was of the deepest kind to have this kind of impact.

Today is a lonely day I pretend that I really like it this way Tomorrow will stay the same And I can't even remember your name

This again goes to show the efforts made by our lead to once again pick up the pieces of their heart and move on. They are now realizing, however, that they cannot go on much longer like this. They know each day will be a constant reminder of their loss and loneliness - nothing will change. They've been holding onto the memories and love for their partner for so long that the time since their partner's passing and the protagonist's age is catching up to them. The memories are fading away.

You're around no more No more Though, this love of mine It just won't stop

This is it. The culminating moment for our lead. Protag is crying out because although their lover had been gone for so long, they cannot stop loving them and cannot stop the intense heartache. And so, they have another mental break. This is the second cry of the protagonist, the second mental breakdown. The difference with this one, however, is that Cassie's voice doesn't climb in pitch at all. It's just a flat, lifeless hold of the note that slowly drops off- our lead's heart has flatlined. With a final breath, our protagonist finally passed of a broken heart.

No body body body body to support My heavy heavy heavy but empty shell But I'm not lazy lazy lazy anymore Oh darling can't you see I've grown so much more

Now dead, the lead's soul moves on into the afterlife. Observing themselves, the protagonist notes their lifeless body. There is no soul to support the body - the now empty turtle shell. However, now free of their deteriorated body, their soul is now weightless and they're more than what they were; that is, more than what they were in their body. However, they still carry the burden of love in their heart. Even after death, love prevails.

Maybe maybe maybe you've forgiven me Oh, but darling darling darling you have to make sure To stab me pierce me hurt me kill me thoroughly You see, my heart won't die though I really tried~

Reunited with their soulmate, they're elated and seeking comfort from their endured suffering. The forgiveness they're seeking is likely regarding their failure to live their mortal life after their soulmate's passing. It's not what their partner would have wanted. Now, the protagonist speaks to their lover for the first time in over fifty years and asks, no, begs for them to finally ease this turtle's heavy heart. Whether that means getting closure and moving on or to end their grief so that they may live and love on in the afterlife is up for interpretation. Personally, I've always been a fan of happy endings.

Song Review and Rating

As I said in the beginning, this was a beautiful first entry into their lore and provides incredible insight into their storytelling capabilities. I've been a fan of Mili for over six years now and even I didn't realize the depth that this song alone held. This was a quite sad story, but if the nature of their relationship was as deep and consummate as I suspect, then they will find peace in the afterlife together. I certainly hope that's the case.

It's as I said in my "About Mili" post, their music is reflective of real-life scenarios and experiences of humanity. Many have loved as deeply as our protagonist and have lost their partner. And those people must go on through life even though they might not see the way forward. Some cope and adapt successfully, others do not. This is a very human experience, though. In explaining what humanity is to someone, you could use this song to demonstrate the compassion and love that people can have for each other. To show the social nature of humanity and the psychology and emotions of love, grief, and loss. Do not worry, however. Mili will cover other aspects of the human experience, including living a happy life with your significant other.

This is just the beginning

Although I don't believe this is the best song of this album, it is certainly up there. From the opening sequence, we get an upbeat mood from the instrumentals. It's lively and energetic, giving the feeling of youthful optimism and outlook. This is contrasted by the lyrics which, overall, tells of isolation, depression, and grief. This contrast between the lyrics and instrumentals is a frequent stylistic choice for Mili - it is always a nice juxtaposition. The instrumentals at times made Wei's voice hard to hear and understand, although that may have been an artistic choice because much like real life, we struggle to be heard and be seen over the noise, events, and bustle of life going on around us. Mili has established themselves and their work will only get better with time and experience.

One thing I couldn't figure out - why the repetition of words? I figure the words being repeated a few times don't have any meaningful connection. I feel like I'm on the cusp of drawing a connection to something else, but I'm missing something. It strikes something familiar in my head but I'm unsure of what. Let me know why you believe some words are repeated three or four times.

As a last note, I was unsure if the protagonist was a male or a female. This is why I used a nonbinary singular "they" as the subject of the song. It was likely left ambiguous as to be relatable and reflective of humanity as a whole. I see no reason they couple in question couldn't have been a lesbian or gay couple, either. This is a really nice detail! Everyone listening to this song can feel included and united under one label: human.

I rate this song a well earned 8/10

Author's Note

Thank you so much for reading this really long post! I'll be posting a new song review, analysis, and rating every Friday. No set time just yet so be on the lookout! I'm pretty busy trying to balance working on my psych degree, having a social life, and doing this. I will post every week, however. This is a passion project of mine. I won't disappoint you or myself.

Regarding the length of this post, I don't expect all posts to be this long. For their instrumental only songs and their two songs written only in a fantasy language, the posts are likely to be shorter as I won't have any lyrics to analyze. For songs written in French, Japanese, and Chinese, I'll be using the official English translations as provided by Mili.

Lastly, I recognize that my analysis has some weak points and there may be other interpretations. Please, leave your critique in the comments, DM me, or make a submission! I'll try to raise the quality every week myself, such as using a standardized format, writing in another application and transferring the work here, and taking the feedback from friends and readers like you :)

See you next Friday!

Jailaster

14 notes · View notes

astraymetronome · 2 years ago

Text

Family Comes From Many Seed

Summary

Midoriya Izuku knew he was weird, it had been burned into his brain from the moment he entered this world: most parents whispered about it, his mom reminded him about it, his dad left because of it, and Kacchan teased him for it. He spent the first six years of his life being reminded how he was a strange little boy who couldn’t even get being a child right. Now, this strange man chose him, after some convincing. He wanted the weird little kid no one cared for, and he didn’t know how to feel about it. Izuku didn’t understand him, but Aizawa didn’t seem too keen on leaving.

_________

After years of being treated like the dirt people walk on, Izuku suddenly has to deal with being removed from the only home he knows and being taken in by a strange man. He doesn’t feel like dirt with him, maybe Aizawa is a good sign?

Notes

For writerllofllworlds.

This is written for cre8ive.mango, writerllofllworlds, from TikTok based on their Little Sprout Au. This is also my own perception of the idea they have shown, so please do not become upset. I also love Momma Inko but I tried writing this with Dead Inko and couldn’t manage it.

Also, this has descriptions of verbal and physical abuse. Please do not read this if you can not handle that. If you are gonna go past my extra warning then be prepared for the longest one-shot I've posted on this site.

Here is a playlist I made for the story!

Word Count - 10, 533

From the moment he was born, Izuku knew he was different. His teeth grew slower, his shoes never fit right, and even his doctors said his body was different. He didn’t understand why it made him different but everyone else seemed to agree this was wrong. His auntie would make little comments on how he seemed to have a little too much baby fat, mentioning how Kacchan already lost most of his by the age of three. He didn’t understand why that was so weird.

His mom said she’d been a chunky toddler and that it didn’t mean anything, but his dad thought otherwise. It was just one of the many things that led to him leaving. Around Kacchan’s fourth birthday, the blonde’s quirk came in and everyone seemed to be expecting he would get one just as soon. Honestly, Izuku just thought Kacchan’s pops were cool. The sparks of light reminded him of his dad’s fire breathing but he really wanted to get his mom’s quirk.

His mom could pull small things towards her and honestly, it was the best thing ever. She used to ramble about how she could pick him up with her quirk when he was a newborn. He thought it was amazing then but, now, he realizes it wasn’t very safe for a baby. Her quirk would be less destructive than his father’s and honestly, he preferred being safe.

Only… His third birthday came and passed, with no signs of his quirk. He remembered her taking him to the doctor in December during the break and being told to be patient. His dad refused and his mom seemed to as well. His parents had developed their quirks early, Hisashi had been born with his, and Inko’s had developed when she was two. They both thought it made sense for him to develop his quirk just as soon.

Izuku was compliant with the x-ray, blood tests, and urine samples. He thought it was weird but Momma said it was for a reason, so he did as he was told. They said a bone in his foot meant he wouldn’t develop a quirk, but he showed signs of quirked cells in his blood. He didn’t understand how it worked but they kept saying he wasn’t gonna get a quirk. He would be anything but normal, no matter how hard he tried.

When they returned home from the appointment, his mom immediately sent him to his room. He felt so confused and conflicted with everything he just listened to her. He hid away in his room, passing by his father who watched him expectantly, before turning to his mother. He closed the door slowly, even though he was still so little he knew how to occupy himself since mom and dad were busy a lot but the whispers of words through the walls got louder in moments. He had curled up in his bed, hiding under all his blankets and clutching his All Might plush close to his chest, trying to ignore the harsh words his parents exchanged.

Their couplet of voices blended into one beast, for what felt like hours, before a slam and a small crash ended it in mere seconds. The silence made his ears ring with how it filled their still apartment. He could hear the people upstairs walking and speaking, clearly concerned about all the noise. Izuku took a few minutes before sitting up and slipping off his bed. He held back a small whimper as his bare feet touched the carpet, not wanting the floor underneath to creek.

He slipped the door open, peeking out the door, seeing his mother sitting on the floor in front of the genkan with her face bright red and puffy. Concern flooded any form of fear as he stumbled forward towards her, his small thuds making her gaze shift to him. “M-Momma… I-i’m sorry I-”

“Don’t say another word.” His mother’s voice interrupted in a harsh whisper. He began to tremble in response as he froze up and brought his outstretched hand to his chest.

“But…” Izuku continued as she looked at him. Her bright eyes seemed dull, angry, no longer holding the kindness she usually bled with. It was frightening and her sharpening glare made him stop mid-sentence

“Go.” She said softly at first, the tension clear in her quaking voice, making him stumble back at the harshness. He wasn’t used to being spoken to with so much hate. He felt tears threaten his eyes, hesitating to step away despite how threatening the atmosphere had become. He watched as her body straightened, her eyes getting more pointed and upset.

“Do what I say Izuku!” His mom quickly shouted, he didn’t expect a shard of a broken vase to be thrown in his direction. He curled in on himself instinctively, a flash of pain entering his dominant hand before it covered his face. He looked down at his hand with a small whimper. He watched as his mom’s eyes widened and bright red dripped from his palm. There was a gash on the side of his hand, just under his pinkie but not too far down.

He felt completely frightened as he stared in horror at the injury before bursting into sobs as he rushed towards his bedroom. He didn’t pay any attention to his mom but he heard her speak up. “I- I’m-” Her voice was panicked at first, full of shock before it shifted, her anger starting to bubble up as it became harsher. “D-don’t act like this is my fault! You should have listened to me!”

Izuku closed the door behind him as he slid down to the carpet, holding his bleeding hand to his chest as he cried. He didn’t know how to take care of wounds but he knew he needed bandages. Sobs left him as he pinned his back against the door and listened to her heavy footsteps. The sounds thudded loudly and almost overwhelmed his noises as he moved to crawl towards his desk. Momma had always made sure he kept some medical stuff in his room, wanting him to have some just in case.

He took some of the big bandages and wrapped the wound with it. He was shakily crying as he looked down at his floor, the small blood drops already staining the light blue carpet. He curled up under his window, eyes watching the front door as he shook from his adrenaline. He stayed like this until his mother slipped the door open

“I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry Izuku.” She started as she stepped into his room. He watched as she made her way over to him, a whimper leaving him as she cried a little bit. He ended up letting her take care of his wound while she apologized the entire time. He had no idea this was the start of the worst years of his life.

________

Izuku was pretty used to everything after all these years, it probably seemed dumb or like an overreaction. He’s been dealing with the drinking, verbal, and physical abuse since he was almost three so it made sense to adapt to it. He has always been a pretty smart kid and quick to come to a solution. At least, that's what his mom used to say.

His father had left after his appointment, not wanting a quirkless son. His mom was pretty pissed about it so she took to drinking. When she wasn’t… out of it, she cared for him. He loved his mom and she did too but… When she got intoxicated she always flipped a switch, she would yell and cry before either going to bed or getting more upset and switching to violence. She often apologized in the morning after everything and would tend to any wounds he had but she’d go to work and then the cycle would repeat once she got home.

His daycare never seemed to care about the bandages, after all, his mom was a hard-working woman whose husband left. Why would she take it out on her kid? When he moved to elementary school, he was treated rather negatively, his quirk still hadn’t developed and he, seemingly, showed no signs of one either. So it wasn’t a surprise he was considered an outcast.

Underneath everything, Izuku knew what his mom was doing was wrong. Hurting people and apologizing later, while promising to change, only to constantly break said promise wasn’t a good thing. He didn’t want to admit his mom was a bad person, she was his mother after all, but, even as a little kid, he knew this was wrong. She was wrong.

He spent most of his free time hidden in his room, not wanting to accidentally upset his mother and make her explode at him. He would just sit on the floor and scribble down answers and do his homework. He spent so much time on his own since he had nothing better to do than learn. He would read books and learn about all sorts of things. It was something he did enjoy, having always been a curious child no matter the circumstance.

Izuku had a feeling something was gonna be coming. Last month for his birthday, his mom told him she was gonna get help. She claimed she was gonna stop drinking but so far it hadn’t been going well. She’d barely managed two days without returning back to her drunk coping. She managed to keep from hitting him for the last couple of weeks since December but she was trying to get sober once more.

He originally expected her to last a day or so once she started to try again in January, but, after the week, he actually felt hopeful. His mom had kept her promise and she was actually gonna manage it. He was reluctant to trust it since nothing ever seemed to stick when it came to good things, but he loved his mom and she was trying so hard to make her new year's resolution happen.

Some would call him a people pleaser or naive for falling for his mother’s attempts but he couldn’t help it. Little kids, at least the ones like him, crave love and want to have a proper relationship with their parents. He really wanted his mom to be how she was when he was younger. He wanted back the mother who hugged and cuddled him when he had nightmares, made him dinner, and didn’t hurt him. She used to burst into tears if she accidentally bumped into him.

He was anxious as he waited to be picked up Friday evening. His mom had been a little snappy this morning and he knew it was because of her withdrawal, he’d looked up what it was called because it caused a lot of struggle. Izuku knew she didn’t mean to be so harsh, she just didn’t feel good because she wasn’t drinking anymore.

She didn’t pick him up from school anymore, because she was always intoxicated, and she’d done it all week because she’d been sober. When his aunt showed up, telling him she was picking him up, he knew something bad was gonna happen. Most addicts would hit a rock bottom, at least, that's what his research said before they would manage to completely quit.

He quietly slid in next to Kacchan, sitting on the extra booster seat she always kept for him. Kacchan was just about big enough to no longer need his but he knew the blonde threw a fit about it most days when his mom refused to let him sit like a big kid. He pulled the door shut, looking over towards the school building. He knew better than to try and talk with Kacchan since he’d snap at or ignore him.

When Mitsuki got into the car and began to drive, he felt his nerves start to spike as they inched closer to his home. He knew she was taking him to hell, she drank like crazy when she suffered a relapse, since his mom showed her signs of one. He watched as the unnamed stores and random houses got more familiar, turning into the grocery store and other apartment buildings. He was shifting nervously as they pulled into the parking lot.

He unbuckled himself, giving a nervous smile, before slipping out of the small car as Mitsuki did the same. “Stay in the car Katsuki, let me walk you little ‘Zuku.” She said softly. Her smile made him want to melt, not used to such blatant kindness anymore. Izuku didn’t want her to see his mom, not when she wasn’t herself, since it would ruin the years of connection they’d made. He gave a small smile at her protective nature before shaking his head.

“I’m okay Auntie, Momma had a headache this morning. She’s napping.” He told her. He knew she cared a lot about his mother. She wouldn’t disturb her if it risked making her feel worse.

“Oh, well alright, but tell your mother we need to meet up for coffee soon! We haven’t done that in a hot minute.” She told him with a small chuckle. He was pretty used to her laughing since even when she was mad she’d break into laughter. It gave her a few weird looks most of the time, but she never cared. His aunt never let anyone dictate her. It was inspiring.

He gave a nod as he turned to head towards the stairwell, knowing he had a few flights to climb and that she’d watch as he went. He held his bag straps as he bounced a little, trying to seem happy to be home. After all, what first-grader wouldn’t enjoy returning home? He gave her a small wave off the balcony once he got to his floor, watching as she began to pull her car from park and leave the lot.

Izuku crept towards the front door of their apartment before quietly opening the door. He immediately got a whiff of alcohol as he stepped onto the genkan and peeked inside. Nothing greeted him other than the smell. There were no words, running water, a busy kitchen, or anything. He anxiously closed the door behind him and slipped his shoes off, tucking the red high tops into the shoe rack.

“M-Mom? A-are you h-here?” He asked softly as he started to step onto the carpet. He heard movement deep in the apartment as he moved closer to the living room. He watched as his mom stumbled out of her room, one of his father's old shirts on and baggy sweatpants. She had clearly spilled her wine on the shirt, deep red staining the light gray fabric.

“What.. are you doing here!?~” She slurred out as she pushed all of her weight into the door frame. He could see a wine glass floating near her as she stumbled. He was scared. She’d never immediately react. There was always some sort of trigger, an accidental slip, or something. She never did this. He didn’t know what this would entail.

Izuku shook as he stepped forward, unsure as he moved a little closer to his bedroom. He could feel the tension as he instinctively held his hand. The first injury she’d given him scared on his palm, a permanent sign of when things were ruined. “M-momma… I’m-” He started before she snapped.

“Don’t you… Dare even move.~” His mother called out, heading towards him with a flushed face. She stood in front of him, and grabbed his non-dominant arm, before pulling him towards the kitchen. He couldn’t help but cry out when she did this.

“Momma! L-let go!” Izuku began to beg as he was pulled. He tried to struggle within seconds, whining as she continued to force him around. She didn’t respond as she used his light weight to throw him forward. He tried to brace himself as he collided with the pantry, banging the back of his head and catching one of his fingers on the corner.

He broke into small sobs as he brought his hand to his chest. The scar he had spilt in half, the gash being further up and across his palm while it crept onto his pointer finger. He couldn’t help crying from the pain as his hand throbbed and dripped blood.

Izuku brought his gaze to her eyes, he didn’t see a smidge of sympathy through her anger. Normally he could at least pick up a bit of it, but not this time. It wasn’t like anything she’d done before. He could tell she was mad, more than ever, and that's what scared him. She never got this mad. Not at him, his father, not at anyone.

“M-momma, I’m sorry!” He called out swiftly as she grabbed his shirt. He squirmed as she lifted him up, kicking his legs as he sobbed away. He was very frightened as she brought him towards the sink. He could see one side was full of clean dishes and the other was empty. He trembled as she turned the sink on.

His breathing began to pick up as she slipped the drain plug in. He started to realize what she was doing, panicking as he spoke up. “Momma! Don’t!” He Izuku shouted at her before he tried to squirm out of her hold. He was shaking as he kicked his legs before trying to figure out how to get out of his situation. He was sobbing a little bit as he looked towards his feet as the water got higher and higher up.

“You have… to learn a lesson Izuku!” She slurred out as she brought him closer to the sink. “I told you… To stay quiet!” His mother swore to him before she grabbed a fistful of his curls and shoved his face into the filling sink.

Izuku tried to catch some air before being forced into the water, but he failed immediately. He took in a large gasp of water immediately without meaning to. He felt so scared as he shifted and tried to pull his head out as he kicked his legs. Her hand pushed against his back, forcing his head down into the rising liquid. She let go of his hair and then instead grabbed the front of his face and pulled him from the water.

He coughed the water up, feeling his wet school shirt cling to his skin. Izuku was worried she’d go too far, so with her hand so close to his mouth he bit down across her fingers. He trembled as she dropped him, coughing as he listened to cuss words slip from her mouth. He took the moment of her distraction to bolt for his bedroom. He was panting and frightened as he heard her look towards him.

“Get back here!” His mother called out as he slammed the door closed behind him. He coughed up some water as he turned his bedroom lock, locking him in his room and her out. He was a trembling mess as he listened to her jimmy the lock to try and get into the room. “Let me in Izuku!”

He continued to force up water, stumbling over to his window with small sobs. He was scared about whether he was able to get out. She wasn’t gonna be able to calm down, he could get hurt to the point she goes too far. Bangs sounded out behind him as he went ahead and pushed the door open. Her shouting started to blend into the background, static filling his head as the smell of fresh air overwhelmed him.

He could hear her start banging on the door so he was quick to turn around. Izuku grabbed some bandages from the first aid and began to wrap up his hand, proceeding to return to the window, quietly looking down. He was only three floors up so the drop wouldn’t be too horrible. A shaky sound left him as he gave a whimper before moving to climb up the window sill.

He let his legs dangle as he felt the winter wind blow against his drenched hair and shirt. He looked at the tree standing within his reach before his door was forced open. The noise made him flinch and jump forwards, grabbing onto the branch as his mom spoke up. “Get your ass back in here Izuku!” She called out to him.

His momma never used mean words like that, so he was swift to try and get closer to the ground. He scraped up his belly on the trunk as his grip slipped, landing a little rough before he turned and bolted towards the open street. He could feel grass turn to the asphalt under his socked feet as he ran. He was shaking as quietly cried. He didn’t wanna hurt his mom but he couldn’t handle her doing this. He was terrified she’d mess up and go too far.

Her yelling started to fade into the distance as he made his way into an alleyway. Izuku knew they weren’t safe and gross, but he didn’t wanna get found. He was panting as he slowed down, his feet stinging from most likely an ungodly amount of glass cuts or something. He’s seen broken bottles on the streets before so it wouldn’t surprise him if it was all over the streets.

He could hear people around him, most likely a collection of homeless folks and villains, but they weren’t his main focus. He just needed to get away for a while. He needed to be safe. He understood his mom was very upset. She was pissed and drunk so he had no idea how long it would take for her to calm down and stop being so upset. She needed to stop all of this.

Izuku trembled as he worked to catch his breath. He went ahead and leaned against a wall, softly crying to himself. He was absolutely unsure if he should do anything, he couldn’t go home and if he went to his Aunt’s place she’d probably just take him home. On top of that, it would be the first place his mom would check. He knew that being out was dangerous even when you were a big kid and he wasn’t anywhere close to that yet.

The walls were lined with bricks and he could smell a combination of vomit and beer all around him. He knew about the bars in the area. His mom had mentioned them a few times since for the first while she didn’t drink at home, but after a few weeks, she realized it was cheaper than the bars. The sounds of hustle and bustle began to flood his surroundings after what felt like only a few minutes, but he knew by the fact his hair was damp and his shirt was dry that it had been a few hours.

He was tired and his hand was pretty cold. The bandages were rather red by now and he knew it was horrible. His research had led to a lot of random facts and he knew that blood loss was a bad thing. He looked around a little, the area was surprisingly quiet other than the loud sounds of adults on the main streets.

Izuku could feel his stress rising at the moment. He didn’t have a phone so no one could locate him through it. He could easily be kidnapped by someone and end up in a far worse situation. He felt like breaking down once more at how pointless his escape was. No matter what he was doomed from the start.

He couldn’t help but curl into himself, he was so scared of people getting close to him. He didn’t wanna be hurt or taken by people with bad intentions. The smallest noises around him began to make him tense and the string grow tighter as they got closer. He could tell no one was heading towards him but as he felt adrenaline pump through his blood, his hearing went fuzzy again as it had in the apartment.

Izuku started to notice his chest tightening and his head hurt, he couldn’t breathe as he squeezed his eyes shut. Nothing could manage it. He trembled as he curled up and lay against the wall more. The noises around him started to get louder and he covered them. Everything was too loud and he couldn’t help crying out as the noise overwhelmed him.

He pushed his hands against his ears without much care for his hurt hand, wanting the loud noises to stop. He could feel his legs pushing against his chest and blood dripping down his chin as he irritated his wound. He cracked his eyes open as a small thud sounded near him in the alley.

He didn’t expect to make eye contact with a woman. Her face was blurry and her lips were moving but her voice was completely dead to him. He couldn’t understand her but he began to grow dizzy as a soft mist seemed to form around her. He didn’t recognize her at all but something told him the lady was a pro. The fact he had used some form of, by his guess, a quirk told him as such. He felt himself getting drowsy as she sat down across from him.

Izuku sat up a little bit as he sniffled and rubbed his eyes. His head was dizzy and he watched the woman in front of him slowly lift up her hands. “Sorry, I had to use my quirk to calm you down.” She said calmly. Her voice was gentle but something about it seemed more grown than he expected, all while holding a calming undertone to it. He gave a small nod as the woman’s mist seemed to fade. He felt the noise stay soft and he quietly looked toward his feet.

He felt a hand grip his wrist, it was gentle but clearly had some callus. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand as he let the lady examine his bandages. He winced as he felt her fingers brush against the open wounds before having the woman remove the wrapping. He sniffled as he observed the hero pull a flashlight from her belt and shine it on his hand. He heard a sympathetic hiss escape her as she spoke up.

“Shoot… That must have been a nasty fall.” She said with a small huff, clearly not realizing it wasn’t from an accident, but she seemed very remorseful. His eyes drifted down as he sniffled and nodded a little. He was tired and honestly, he didn’t wanna be out in the cold anymore. He moved his feet, feeling his skin brush against the concrete due to the holes.

Izuku watched as the woman looked down at his feet, noticing he was barefoot as she seemed to consider the possible reasons. He quietly rubbed his eyes as the woman got to her feet. The lady didn’t even say anything before her hands met his underarms and he was lifted into the air. A squeal left him as he kicked a little being wedged into an opposite piggyback hold, his thighs holding her weights as she placed both arms under him for support... He wrapped his okay arm around her neck and let the dark-haired woman take his hurt one. “I’m pro hero Midnight, can you tell me your name, honey?”

He sat up a little while looking around a bit, he wasn’t used to positive nicknames, before quietly nodding. “Izuku…” He said softly as he looked over the lady’s warm shoulder. He watched the alley as Midnight began to remove him from it. He trusted her for some reason. He didn’t know why but, something about her just bled with it. He found himself more distrustful of women in comparison to men and it was probably because his mom was his abuser, even if it was only when she was drinking.

“It’s nice to meet you Izuku-Kun, can you tell me why you’re out here?” He heard the woman mutter into his hair as she went ahead and gently bounced him. He didn’t really understand why Midnight was doing this. It made him relax and feel more at peace with the gentle touch she gave. It was a big change from when his mom was drunk.

Izuku rested his head down, feeling as if he was moved. “How old are you, Izuku-kun?” She asked quietly as he felt warm eyes shift and turn to him.

“I’m six…” He responded as he went ahead and huffed as he quietly leaned against her a bit more. He was tired and the lady’s comfort really made him wanna just melt into him to sleep. He heard Midnight hum as she nodded a little before he felt her move one hand from under him to his back. He didn’t expect a small back rub to start and his shoulders fell slacker at the sensation.

“I’m gonna take you to the station and we’ll find your parents-” He heard the woman start to say but he couldn’t help but quickly interject.

“No! I can’t!” Izuku called out. He knew better than to just go back home as he pulled from Midnight a tad. He felt the lady flinch and her grip loosens a little bit. He looked up as he saw her face twist in multiple emotions. He sniffled as he shook his head and spoke up. “I-i can’t h-handle it anymore…” He added softly as he rubbed his eyes and looked behind himself towards the end of the street.

“Can’t handle what anymore?...” Midnight asked softly as she went ahead and stopped for a moment. He felt her shift him to her hip as she held his injured hand up. “Did your parents do this?” She asked softly as he saw her get a little more visibly worried.

He was scared to respond. What if he got in trouble or the woman just refused to take him somewhere safe? “Momma… Momma drinks… She tried to stop… B-but she went too far t-this time…” He whispered in response as he gave a tiny whimper. Izuku felt anxious that she wouldn’t believe him or do anything about it. He watched her furrow his eyebrows and her lip thin into a line before she swiftly switched it to a gentle smile

He felt his regret immediately flood him as he curled up a little bit and whimpered as he softly felt her begin to change direction. “Okay, no need to dwell on that, I’m going to take you to the hospital so that gash can be checked out.”

“Okay… Midnight-san…” He whispered as he moved to lay his head back on the woman’s shoulder. He softly bounced as she walked, starting to relax a little more at having a comforting situation.

__________

The walk took around thirty minutes and Izuku would have dozed off if it wasn’t for Midnight keeping him up. He could understand why considering the likely blood loss from his hand. He gently burrowed his head into the crook of her neck as they stepped into the hospital. A nurse was quick to have him moved to the emergency room since he was so little and the gash was bad enough.

She followed him as they did this and it all seemed to pass in a blur. He was so exhausted as he was treated. The doctors ended up having to give him a few stitches and saw a small bruise on the back of his head. He didn’t know what Midnight told the staff but he saw a few cops come and go from his room. He was rather anxious about it as he quietly tried to not doze off since they were asking him a mix of questions and the pain meds were making him really sleepy.

Izuku took around 10 minutes to answer questions before he began to doze off. He watched as Midnight gave him a small smile as he fell asleep. He felt rather comfortable with the situation since she was peaceful.

_______

When he began to wake up the sound of Midnight’s voice. She seemed to be on the phone as he sat up a little bit. The stitches on his right hand and finger were covered in some bandages. It was surprisingly not very bulky and he knew he could probably move his hand if it wasn’t for the risk of ruining his stitches. He rubbed his eyes as her words became understood him. “My place isn’t really all that child appropriate Sho’ I’m literally an R-rated hero.” She explained to the person on the other end of the line.

He could hear a deeper voice over the phone, it was very muffled but as he tried to focus on it he noticed all the sounds around him growing in volume. Izuku whimpered as he brought his hands up to his ears once more, beginning to cover them before she turned towards the door. Her voice seemed a little louder but her volume had clearly not changed. “I think he might have some kind of hearing quirk, you’d be good for that. Hizashi would just kill his ears and you’re quiet! Plus, he seems weary of women. He didn’t want to let any of the female nurses or doctors touch him. Please.”

He listened as she began to beg the man on the phone and continued to cover his ears. He didn’t expect the other end to suddenly be discerned by him. “I’m literally the worst person for this, I suck with kids Nem!” The Sho’ guy responded to her. Her response was quick though and seemingly well thought out.

“You do not, Oboro used to whine about how good you were with them! He was hella envious.” Midnight said in a hushed whisper as her eyes met his. He blinked a little as she gave a small sigh. “Look… He’s up now, just… Come here so you can get him, he can’t go home.” She said softly before ending the call.

“Hey, kiddo…” She whispered as she sat on the end of the hospital bed, quietly smiling at him. “You’ve only been out for about an hour or so.”

He rubbed his eyes as he sat up a small bit and proceeded to nod a bit. “Okay..” He would admit his words were a little soft and he seemed kinda weak. He was tired as he looked up at her before turning back to the door. “Is my momma… In trouble?” He asked softly as he began to fidget out of nerves.

“Your mom hasn’t tried to come to see you since we got here… I understand you’re scared but she isn’t going to be allowed near you until we can prove you’re safe.” Midnight told him as she brought a handover. He flinched as a calm weight rested on his knee and she quietly pulled her hand away. “Sorry, kiddo…”

He was unsure of what to do as he curled up a little bit and lay on his side near her. He didn’t allow his head to lay on her, but after a moment her hand began to brush through his curls. It relaxed him down completely as he softly melted into the sensation.

Izuku was pretty sure he had dozed off after a moment as but when he opened his eyes once more another person had joined them in the room, a man with long black hair and deep gray eyes. He sat up a little, the soft chatter the two adults had stalled once Midnight seemed to notice his head shift. “Hey honey, did you sleep well?” She asked.

He rubbed his eyes as he nodded a little and brought his eyes to the man across from them. He wasn’t entirely sure who he was or what the man entailed for him. He was anxious as a small whimper left him before she spoke up once more. “This is Aizawa, he’s a friend of mine and he’s gonna be taking care of you for a few weeks.” She explained.

Izuku couldn’t help the small whine that left him. He didn’t know if he could trust him, the man was new and he didn’t seem like a very warm person with his sharp jawline and exhausted expression. He was completely unsure if he could trust him but the way she spoke with him made him want to trust her judgment. He watched as she explained some things, mainly just mentioning how Aizawa was a pro and that he was a pretty quiet man.

All of the sudden, within the hour, a callous hand was gently holding his bandaged hand. He was walking with the man as he felt fabric brush against his knees from the large hoodie Aizawa had asked him to put on. He had explained that it was because of the cold and since he was so small. He didn’t mind it as he followed after him, looking around and at the small black car they approached.

“I don’t have a car seat, so I hope you don’t mind sitting without one for this trip?” He asked simply. The man’s voice was raspy as he opened the car door and the smell of coffee hit him like crazy. He gave a huff as he went ahead and got into the seat.

“It’s okay..” He whispered as he began to buckle himself in and quickly placed his hands in his lap as Aizawa closed the door. He could hear him walking towards the front seat before the door opened and he slipped inside as well.

Izuku watched as he began to drive after taking care of the car things adults did. He wasn’t really all that aware of how cars worked but he knew he’d learn a little later in life. He gently kicked his legs as he went ahead and moved his focus to the window, choosing to zone out as buildings and lights faded into blurs as they drove.

_______

They ended up pulling into an apartment complex after not too long where Aizawa was quick but gentle, to bring him up to the floor his residence was on. He felt a little nervous about it as he went ahead and followed him, clinging to his hand nervously at the uncomfortable surroundings. He didn’t know how to feel about the area as he listened to his keys jingle and the doorknob twist.

The house was a lot nicer than he expected it to be, a soft gray couch decorated with throws and a few fur-covered blankets. The cream carpet reminded him of his bedroom as they stepped onto the genkan and he slipped his shoes off. Once his gaze finished lingering on the floor he looked up to see something Izuku adored.

He gave a tiny squeak, trying to keep his sudden joy at bay as Aizawa looked towards him and two cats clambered over to them both. He had always had a secret infatuation with pets and cats had always caught his attention. They are so nimble and could fit in the strangest places that he couldn’t help but be curious about how they spend their time. The internet said they nap most of the time, which he knew, but he wanted to know what they did when they were up and away from people.

He felt the man take his hurt hand and carefully lead it toward the furry felines. Izuku froze as he watched them sniff and stifled his giggles as whiskers tickled his skin. He wanted to pet him, but he wasn’t sure if he could, the gray tabby pushing against his legs as the cream-based turtle shell scented his hand was enough he couldn’t stop a bright smile. A part of him completely forgot that Aizawa was there as his inner child got a moment to be adored.

He was tugged towards the couch and followed without taking his eyes off of the cats. He could barely hear the soft chuckling in front of him as his eyes shifted with the animals while they tailed behind him. A yawn left him as they got closer to the couch, a hand resting in his curls as he relaxed a little bit and leaned against the man next to him. He felt him tense at first, only for a split second, before he was picked up and placed on the couch.

“You should sleep, Nem told me you have a rough day.” Aizawa’s simple words, combined with the previous action, were enough to slip him from his mental haze. Now that he mentioned it, Izuku felt absolutely exhausted. He rubbed his eyes as the man gave a pat to the pillow beside him and, obeying the clear sign, laid his head down with a huff.

He looked towards him as the man pulled one of the many blankets up and over his shoulders. He could feel his eyes growing heavy by the moment as he shifted to get comfortable before the tabby cat seemed to hop up near his legs. He felt a light pressure laying against his feet so he figured it was laying down there. He let his eyes slip close slowly, watching as he was tucked and watched, glad someone seemed to be showing proper care and maybe even love for him, even if it wouldn’t be for long.

_____________

Izuku was surprised when he woke up warm and on a couch. His hand was hurting as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. A tiny meow caught his attention as he looked behind him as the tabby cat moved from behind him. He guessed it pushed off his legs as he brought them over the edge. He gave a soft huff as he began to stretch and tried to walk around a little. His feet were covered in small bandages from the cuts and scrapes from when he had been running.

He peeked into the kitchen, quietly blinking when he couldn’t see anyone around. He then glanced back behind him towards the hallway. He quietly began to creep down it to where he could hear quiet speaking. He pushed the door open a little, giving a tiny noise.

“I’ll call you later Hizashi, he’s gonna wake up before too long,” Aizawa told the other voice before hanging up before the man could speak. He stifled a small giggle as he turned towards the door and, unfortunately, him. “Oh, Izuku… Hey.” He said softly, looking nervous and unsure as he stepped towards the door.

Izuku gave a small wave and nodded a little as he brought up his harmed hand. He watched as the man gave a small noise before moving closer. “Shit, forget I said that. I probably need to give you another dose of pain meds.” He muttered as he ran the bridge of his nose and slipped the door open. Quickly, he got out of the way to allow Aizawa to pass by him as the man headed towards the room down the hall. He watched the door slip open and quietly stepped over to see him get something from the cabinet.

He took the medicine without much complaint as he sat back on the couch and sighed. He was tired as he rubbed his eyes and watched Aizawa head into the kitchen. “I’ll make some breakfast really quick, does soup sound alright?” He asked calmly.

Izuku nodded in response as he kept his hands in his lap and moved to start petting the tabby as they climbed into his personal space. He wasn’t too sure of what to do with it as he began to brush his fingers through its fur. As time began to pass, he felt the pain in his hand slowly fade and the purring the cat gave off made him feel grounded and filled all his senses.

He wanted to take another nap as he felt the pain meds kick in and the soft sounds of everything around him started to mesh into a comforting environment. He wasn’t used to just having a safe area around him, not needing to worry about anything new to him. He had a feeling his aunt was gonna freak out when Kacchan said he wasn’t at school. This was probably gonna ruin her relationship with his mother but, from how far she went last night, he wasn’t going to complain.

Izuku was softly relaxing in the warmth of the house around him, listening to the sound of a moving bell, most likely from the turtle shell’s collar. He didn’t know their names yet but he figured Aizawa would tell him in due time. He could feel the cat brush against his small feet as he continued to pet the tabby in his lap and patiently waited for him to be told breakfast was done.

“Come on kid, eat while it’s hot.” He turned his head towards his voice, seeing the black-haired man placing a plate in front of himself before motioning to the other on the opposite end of the table. Izuku got up rather quickly and gently bounced over to the room, feeling the shift from carpet to cold tile made him shiver as he quickly got up into the chair. He didn’t like how the cold felt on his bruised feet.

A small giggle escaped him from the puzzled look the man gave him as he proceeded to get up. He watched as Aizawa made his way toward the cabinet next to two small bowls on the floor. He removed a can from the cupboard and swiftly opened it. The smell of cat food made him quickly turn to his food, muttering a soft thanks before beginning to eat the soup.

Within moments the man was sitting across from him and the two felines were happily munching on the wet food in their bowls. He couldn’t help but let his gaze drift to the fluffy masses as Aizawa began to eat. He felt deeper eyes rest on his mop of hair before a rough voice pulled him from his head. “The tabby is Asiuru, since she just adores everyone, and the other one is Korāju.”

Izuku smiled at the surprisingly sweet names. The man seemed more of a rougher person so it kind of surprised him. He nodded as he pushed a spoonful of his soup into his mouth, wanting to show he understood but also wishing to ask questions. He couldn’t help his fear, it made sense to him after all these years of abuse and a lack of a proper parental figure, so he was relieved the man didn’t seem to try any pressure on his attention or cooperation.

It felt like they finished breakfast just as quickly as it was made. He knew the reason for that was because he didn’t feel the need to constantly look over his shoulder in fear of being snuck up on. He brought his bowl and spoon to the sink, unable to find a stool or reach the faucet to clean his dirty dishes. He looked towards Aizawa as the man walked next to him, a small smile seemed to bloom on his face as he spoke once more, just as soft as he had been earlier.

“Let me do the dishes, it’s bad to get anything on those stitches.” He told him as he gently put his hand out for the glass. Izuku gave a soft nod and handed them to him before he continued. “Thank you, Izuku.” He said calmly.

He nodded in response, “No p-problem,” leaving his mouth with a soft squeak. He really wasn’t used to such kind behavior so he made his way to the couch once more. His fingers began to pull at his hair, his bandaged hand most likely needing to be redressed for the sake of no infection. He knew this could be dangerous since he spent quite a bit of time in the middle of a germ-infested alley to hide with his open wound.

Izuku brought his eyes off the white bandages as he looked around a little. Aizawa had just disappeared down the hallway before he stepped back into the living room with a red first aid kit. He blinked in child-driven confusion at first before sitting up and offering his hand as the taller man sat in front of him, legs crossed on the floor. “Are you fine with me examining your stitches? I need to make sure none have popped and that an infection isn’t starting up.”

He nodded softly as he felt him start to unravel the wrapping. It felt good to have some pressure removed but as soon as the irritated skin and stitches were exposed to the air he wanted to whine. It felt rather cold in comparison to his flesh as he watched Aizawa gently prod and check how angry his skin was. He relaxed as little as he felt the antibacterial cream being carefully spread over the roughly closed wound and the strong stitches. He was honestly grateful for how gentle he was with his hand, quietly watching him think.

“Let's air it out for a few minutes. Just to help some of the irritation, then I’ll wrap it again. Do you wanna watch something while we wait?” Izuku smiled a little when the deep voice broke their silence. He shook his head in response before speaking up.

“I don’t really watch cartoons… Could you read?” He asked hesitantly as he rested his hand on his thigh. Aizawa seemed thrown off guard by his request but after a second the man simply nodded with a very calm smile.

“Sure, I don’t really have any kid books though.” He admitted.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind,” Izuku said softly in retaliation as he gently began to swing his legs. He didn’t mind learning about random things through help books or just anything legible. He watched as the gears turned and he seemed to go over the many possibilities.

Aizawa ended up reading through the newspaper. It was kinda boring but at points, Izuku just enjoyed the fact the man would make sure he was listening or ask if he wanted him to switch to a different place. After around thirty minutes he gave his hand back to be re-wrapped and silently hummed to himself. He gently shifted his wrist and fingers once he got up.

Izuku let his eyes follow him as he looked down at himself. The hoodie he was allowed to wear absolutely swamped him but it was comfortable and he knew Aizawa didn’t have to let him wear it. He gave a soft huff as he started to tease the drawstrings with his harmed hand, quietly thinking to himself. “You’re not what I thought you’d be like..” He whispered letting his voice get a little louder as he saw dark eyes shift from the first aid box to his body.

He watched a small smile grace Aizawa’s lips as he responded, seemingly glad he thought so. “Mean and scary?” He asked, making a small huff escape his own lips. He smiled sheepishly in response. “Yeah... Well,” The man paused for just a moment before he continued, “I actually kind of thought you’d be kinda mean and scary too.” He said softly.

Izuku felt his face shift, shocked at his response and how he seemed so genuine. His furrowed eyebrows and somehow serious yet soft expression held more than the words he’d spoken. He couldn’t help the small whisper that left him in his moment of surprise. “Me?...” He gently held onto the drawstrings and pointed towards himself slightly as he spoke.

“Terrifying,” Aizawa confirmed, humor riding his voice as he shifted his face to make the playful word more effective. Izuku couldn’t help the soft chuckle that left him as he smiled in response. He could feel the joy it brought the man as his hand moved up and ruffled his curly hair.

Something about the moment seemed to bring something from them both. Izuku felt as if his pain had completely melted for a few seconds, his heart warmed and he felt proper glee for the first time in what seemed like forever. His emerald eyes met Aizawa’s onyx ones and he felt as if he was seeing the most important person. He didn’t know what overcame him but without another thought, he moved forward and hugged the crouching man.

He felt him hesitate for a moment before wrapping his arms around his small body, his scruffy chin resting on top of his head. Izuku felt himself slowly pull his walls down, unable to stop the tears that began to roll down his freckled cheeks as he burrowed his head against Aizawa’s collarbone. He couldn’t bring himself to let go of him, safely just bleeding from his every pour and the sound of his beating heart is enough to make him cling. Just knowing this was gonna be a good thing, he needed someone to save him and he could tell this man was going to do just that.

__________

Izuku had been staying with Aizawa for almost three months when their court date had been chosen. His mom had been caught driving drunk trying to find him, so she had a DUI thrown on top of the abuse charges. When the April morning finally came he was unsure of how to feel. His seventh birthday was in a few months and he knew she had to be sober because her patrol did surprise sobriety tests whenever they wanted.

He’d taken to calling his guardian dad in his head and Shouta in conversation. He knew the attachment he’d gained was probably dangerous but something about the man just told him he’d be staying no matter what. Even if he ended up in his mother’s custody, Aizawa wasn’t going to leave him.

He woke up to the smell of coffee and cat food as a familiar hand brushed his cheek. He was sleepy enough that he let the word Dad slip from him at the comforting man. He rubbed his eyes as he felt his hand parade through his curly mess of hair. The deep chuckle and footsteps that sounded to the right of him brought a smile to his sleepy face as he was spoken to. “We have court in two hours, go hop in the shower Izuku.”

At the mention of his name, Izuku listened and made his way out of his bedroom and down the hall toward the bathroom. He took a rather nice shower, relaxing in the warmth of the steamy room after he finally stepped out. The two hours passed in a silent and happy blur as he dressed and ate without any complaint. He was wearing a simple yellow button-up shirt with black dress pants his, non-official, uncle got him claiming they’d be nice. His red hightops were excused by Aizawa since they both knew shoes were a living hell for him.

Once they got into the car, the gravity of what they were about to go to start to settle on him. Izuku felt nervous and completely unsure if he was going to be forced back with his mom, sent to an orphanage, or continue his fostered life with Aizawa. He was kinda quiet as they drove. Aizawa had ended up getting him a booster seat and, while it was embarrassing, he didn’t mind it very much. He was very tired as he leaned against the window, relaxing a little bit at the nice warmth the glass had absorbed.

As they got closer, he slowly started to notice how Shouta seemed to start checking on him a little more. He knew the man was worried about him since the situation was rather stressful. He was very respectful of the fact and, honestly, he owed him a lot of hugs.

Izuku held onto his hand as they made their way into the main building before quietly creeping toward the family courtroom. He was unsure of everything as they sat down and meshed into the room. He could see his mother sitting on the opposite side of the aisle and honestly it caused him a bit of distress. He hid his head against Aizawa’s side, trying to calm himself and stay comfortable as they sat. Uncle Hizashi and Aunt Nemuri sat on either side of them as his lawyer gave him a soft smile. She seemed sweet with all the meetings she had with them.

He had to talk a lot about the past. He didn’t really like it but he also understood he had to. His mom had done a lot to him and the lawyer, after hearing all of it and examining his hospital documents, she explained some stuff and how none of what happened was his fault. She wasn’t the only person to tell him that, Aizawa and his new family had to try and help him understand. He was very tired so he went ahead and leaned against Aizawa as they waited.

When the case finally started to be spoken about and gone over. His mom kept looking over at him, trying to get his attention. Nem and Aizawa kept looking over at her, trying to get her to stop as his father figure blocked her from his view and him from hers. He was anxious as they listened to everything his mom’s lawyer said. The way he spoke made it seem like they were trying for a non-guilty verdict, but he didn’t understand why.

If his mom truly felt as bad as she seemed to, she wouldn’t be denying what happened. Izuku wanted to tell the man off and let his mom know how much it hurt. When it came to their argument, the judge seemed respectful as he listened to their argument. He didn’t like having to listen to the other lawyer object to things he knew were true. It made his blood boil with how it made his pain seem pointless.

It took a while before the judge actually spoke to him. He felt his nerves spike as he gave a small bow and tried to watch the man respectfully. Aizawa gently rubbed his back as he fidgeted and spoke up. He went through what caused his mom’s abuse up to when he ran away. He was in tears by the end of it and he was given a few minutes to compose himself. Shouta ended up scooping him up and setting him on his hip. It calmed him to be close but also because it was safe. He knew if anything happened, they’d have to get through him first.

The judge spent around 15 minutes thinking over his decision before he opted to answer them. Izuku was quick to burst into tears and cling to Aizawa as his mom was found guilty and she wasn’t allowed to be around him unless he chose to let her. His head rested on his dad’s shoulder as he was comforted and completely melted into the feeling of belonging and pure love.

His mother called out for him, begging him to look at her and speak to her. She of her regrets and apologized. She promised she was sober as she tried to grab his hand, Hizashi was quick to get between them both as Nemuri began to harass her and probably mentioned his state when she found him. The amount of noise was piling up and he knew how overwhelmed it was making him. His hands covered his ears and he could feel his father trying to rush him from the upsetting environment.

Izuku honestly just felt glad he was being protected. He wanted to go home and spend some time being loved. He needed a safe place after all of this stress. Once they returned home, his father was quick to join him in his room. Izuku had a small area formed in the corner of his room that was piled high with comfort items and blankets. He curled against Shouta’s chest with a small whimper. He was mad at his mom, mad at her lawyer, and honestly, he just wanted to be given space to grieve his lost family. His original family.

He felt like crying and he pushed his hands into his lap as he sniffled and looked up at his father figure. “W-why couldn’t my mom just… b-be honest?..” He asked quickly as he ran his fingers through his curls. He wasn’t crying but the want to was clear as his eyebrows furrowed with his frustration. “Why couldn’t she just be my mom!” He added as he quietly clenched his hands into fists. “Is everyone going to be like this? Am I not allowed to be happy or wish for it!?” He asked swiftly as he held onto Aizawa.

Izuku couldn’t contain his anger at this point, he wanted to show he was a person. His parents never seemed to care and when one of them had a chance to, she chose to hide behind lies and her own mask. He was so upset and stuck in his head that he gave a tiny noise when Shouta gently held his cheek.

“Izuku… Think of it like this… Some people care for others more than themselves. Others can’t help but be the complete opposite and even some fall in the middle. That magic is special, but not everyone you want will have it.” Aizawa spoke softly as he held onto him before a kiss was placed on his forehead. He closed his eyes and burrowed into the touch between them.

“Then… I-it must be gone… nothing i-is left…” Izuku whispered as he held onto his wrist and quietly tried to just deal with it. After all, he was just a small kid. Nothing he would do would bring it back, nothing would return the relationship he had with his mom all those years ago.

The silence felt overwhelming and at first, Izuku thought his ears had gone numb before a small squeeze of his cheek and the sound of a calming voice. “There is still magic in the world…” Aizawa said calmly as he rubbed his back.

Izuku turned his eyes toward him with a small frown. He knew the confusion he felt shown through his face but the next thing he said forced his tears to stream. “It’s you…” He started to cry as he held onto his father figure, no, onto his dad. “Do with it what you will…” He continued as he pulled him into a tight hug.

His arms wrapped around his neck, tightly squeezing as he let his silent tears drip. After everything, all his pain, fear, and suffering, he found family. He found love. “But you are, magic.” His dad continued as he gently placed his forehead against his.

“I love you, dad…” Izuku whispered as he kept his eyes closed, softly smiling at the warmth that enveloped him.

“I love you too, Sprout.”

Endnotes

The cat names -

Asiuru - affectionate

Korāju - collage

#mha #bnha fanfiction #bnha #young midoriya izuku #aizawa shouta #midnight #nemuri kayama #inko midoriya #little sprout au #gift #archive of our own #autistic?

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