#This book was written in 17 days and it really shows

[carlos-in-glasses]

Rhythms

120k, 17 chapters all written, E, updates on Sundays on Ao3.

TK swoons when he discovers a sentimental scrapbook full of notes he and Carlos have left for each other – but he also unearths a book of poems that closeted teen-Carlos wrote about his struggles, including a few dedicated to his high school crush. An adorably mortified Carlos recalls the stir he caused when he was published anonymously in the high school paper, and everything he went through to write his wedding vows for TK years later. With TK as a hype-man, maybe Carlos can embrace his creative side again.

Read on Ao3

Chapter 1 - Love Heart: The day after TK and Carlos’ first wedding anniversary, TK is sent home from work sick. Back at the loft unexpectedly, he makes a surprising discovery about Carlos.

Chapter 2 - Club Can't Handle Me: In 2011, sixteen-year-old Carlos is both in the closet and in his high school’s wrestling team – and it’s all a bit too much. Perhaps against his better judgment, he turns to poetry and makes a decision that will change his life.

Chapter 3 - Crossroads: Daydreaming about his wedding vows mid-drive, Carlos gets pulled over for a traffic violation – and Gabriel isn’t happy. Reunited with TK, Carlos might be lost for words, but he finds another way to express his love and desire.

Chapter 4 - The Wrestler: Carlos’ poems are published – and he quickly learns there’s no putting the genie back into the bottle.

Chapter 5 - A Gay Fantasia: In the aftermath of being abducted by a serial killer, Carlos reflects on recent events and resumes work on his wedding vows.

Chapter 6 - La Tormenta: Carlos is devastated when Scott gets a girlfriend, and he finds himself in another snowballing situation.

Chapter 7 - Soulmates: When TK has a Huntington’s disease scare, Carlos finds he knows exactly what to say. But will it help him with his writer’s block when it comes to his wedding vows?

Chapter 8 - Man of Mystery: It’s the day of the Lake View High School Talent Show – and will the real Shadow Poet please stand up?

Chapter 9 - Crush: In 2011, it’s make or break for sixteen year old Carlos at the talent show. In 2024, TK becomes the hype man Carlos had needed over a decade ago.

Chapter 10 - From Behind: A couple of weeks before the wedding, Carlos is still working on his vows when a deeper rift develops between him and his dad. In 2012, seventeen year-old Carlos is spiraling after coming out to his parents.

Chapter 11 - The Other Wrestler: TK decides to lift Carlos’ spirits by learning how to wrestle.

Chapter 12 - Carlos Reyes Will Be Okay: At Gabriel’s funeral, Carlos regrets saying no to reading a poem in tribute – but during the wake, he finds himself under a whole new pressure. Later that night, he realizes the vows he’s worked so hard on for TK cannot be spoken yet.

Chapter 13 - The Closet: Despite some good news, Carlos ends up in the doghouse with his mom and with TK.

Chapter 14 - Once in a Blue Moon: Reeling from his confrontation with Andrea, Carlos seeks advice and admits a secret.

Chapter 15 - Raining on Prom Night: In May 2012, chaos erupts at Carlos’ senior prom.

Chapter 16 - Tyler Kennedy Strand: The wedding day arrives, and Carlos finally gets to recite his vows to TK.

“I was just remembering–” Carlos says, “The first time you stayed for a while after one of our hookups. It was, like, the third time we hooked up, I think. I asked if you wanted tea and cookies and you looked at me like I’d said the weirdest thing ever.”

TK’s exhausted, puffy face breaks into a dazzling grin. “You were being such a Boy Scout.”

“But then you said yes and you ate half the cookie jar.”

“You called me the Cookie Monster.”

“That was the first time I really made you laugh.”

“Tea came out my nose.”

“It was beautiful,” Carlos says, pausing then to qualify: “Your laugh.”

TK gazes up at him, his clear green eyes large and shining. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

“The first time you made me laugh was when we were dancing at the honky-tonk.”

“Hey!” TK swats his arm. “I was trying my best!”

“You were so goofy,” Carlos chides. “I just loved it. I loved you.”

Read on Ao3

[everytimewetouch-dot-mp3]

more [svsss] [omegaverse au] because i can’t stop

content warning for some sex pests buzzing around a 7-year-old shen yuan, but it gets handled quickly. and violently :)

any text that’s written [like this] will be a link to a related post or explanation from my other blog

when [shen yuan transmigrates]into PIDW, he wakes up on the back of an ox cart beside a few crates and sacks, one arm tied to the side of the cart. he is seven years old, and he’s just had his first [soft heat]. he’s on the cart for two days, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on (and what the fuck a soft heat is??? he really transmigrated into one of those trashy omegaverse novels??? which fucking one?!!), until the driver drops him off at the warm red pavilion. well. that’s one question answered.

he learns from eavesdropping on the cart driver and brothel madam speaking that his parents, beta farmers, arranged for his sale as soon as he started showing preheat symptoms. they had enough beta children to work the farm, apparently, and a little omega would be too much trouble to handle plus another mouth to feed. it’s not uncommon, he learns, for poor families to sell off their omega children, and he’s lucky that his parents cared enough for him to wait until his first soft heat. any place that would buy an omega before that stage, the madam says, is not a good place for a child to wind up.

the madam finally unbinds shen yuan and inspects him. he’s small and thin, but he can read and write and he’s surprisingly good with numbers. he can’t cook and he’s not very good at cleaning, but he shows himself to be polite and curious. and later, after the sale is settled, the other omegas squeal over how cute he is. when he gains a little weight, they insist, he’ll he terribly popular with their clients. the thought makes shen yuan ill.

it turns out to be true, but not in the way that he feared. at least not at first. he’s trained by one of the older omegas, who teaches him how to properly pour tea and serve the guests. he’s so young, all he can really do is speak with them. that’s more than enough though. their clients adore him, speak with him for hours. they treat him like a favored nephew, bringing him sweets and books and toys that he keeps upstairs in the room he shares with the youngest omegas at the brothel—a 16-year-old boy and a 17-year-old girl. they treat him like a little brother.

there is one guest who they hide him from. he isn’t dangerous, gege and jiejie insist, but he’s very prickly and he doesn’t like many people. he only ever shows up at night, and he always asks for the same room and the same three women. they stay in there for a long time, but the cloying scent of sex never hangs in the air when shen yuan passes by. he never sees the man, and gege and jiejie are pleased about that.

very few of the guests shen yuan does see are bold enough to try to push for more intimate interaction with shen yuan. lingering touches, fingers carding through his hair or stroking his ears, hands brazenly reaching for his thighs. every time, shen yuan freezes up. he hates it more than anything, knows all he’d have to do is shove them away or shout, but he can’t. each time one of them gets that possessive look in their eyes, his blood freezes in his veins and bile rises in the back of his throat. they never do more than that, but he feels disgusting every time.

it doesn’t happen often, really, and a part of him feels like he’s overreacting. they’re not doing anything wrong; this is a brothel. that’s what people do at brothels, right? that’s what he’s been telling himself at night as he scrubs away the alphas’ touch each time it happens. nevermind that they only touch him when no one is looking, that they treat him like he’s stupid and tell him it’s their special secret. he was a grownup just a year ago. he knows it’s bullshit, but his body won’t listen when he tells it to make them stop. he’s tired and overwhelmed and sick of feeling helpless like this, and he can already feel his skin stinging from how hard he’ll scrub tonight just to stop feeling so dirty.

so he cries when this alpha rests one hand on the back of his neck and the other on his thigh. he cries when this alpha noses at his hairline, presses a kiss to his forehead. jiejie sees this time, and before shen yuan’s overwhelming shame has time to set in, she’s grabbed the alpha by the hair and started tugging him toward the door, hissing and clawing at his face as she goes. the madam comes out at the commotion and hears one of her omegas shouting about ‘putting your filthy old hands on our a-yuan,’ sees the boy sitting wide-eyed and tear-stained at the table, and her scent turns dark and dangerous. she takes the man outside. she comes back with blood staining her hands.

no one touches him after that. he spends more time in the kitchens, helps with the cooking and the cleaning. the madam has him help with bookkeeping, and the few clients he sees are regulars that he’s told the madam he sort of misses. even then, the visits are supervised by jiejie or gege.

things get better. no one bothers him anymore. he gets fewer presents now, but that’s fine. he doesn’t want them if it means old strangers get to grab at him under the table. for the next two years, things settle into an easy, relaxing calm. if this is the life he’ll be living in airplane shooting toward the sky’s shitty omegaverse novel, it’s not too bad. it’s easy to find places to help, and the weird little pack he’s been adopted into likes him. it could be worse. he could be a cultivator.

next >>

[soobieedoo]

Formula of Love CH. 17 - the performance (written)

word count: 1,280

7:35 pm

you were nervous.

you loved yunjin but god did you wish that you were just back in your room right now, on your bed, reading some kind of book.

you’re trying to briefly study before watching the performance, but you just can’t seem to focus.

it’s not that you didn’t want to support yunjin, no! again you loved yunjin so much you wouldn’t miss her first ever performance. it’s just why of all people did lee donghyuck have to be there too?

you’ve been getting along with him but this scene feels so unfamiliar, you can’t help but think there’s so many things you didn’t get to find out about him.

you’ve been feeling weird for the past few days, he of course has not lost his charm and honestly? its scary. as much as you want to be his friend, you can’t forget the shared experience you had together. yes, it was only a couple of weeks, a few phone calls and text conversations that lasted way late into the night. but the fact that he wormed his way into your heart super fast…weird. and well just when you thought you’d taken care of your only distraction, here he comes into your life again doing what he does best…distracting you.

7:50 pm

“taeyong i refuse to believe you do NOT have ANY croissants in there! you make them everyday don’t you?”

you look up from your laptop hearing a familiar voice, you see choi beomgyu seething in front of lee taeyong (the cafe manager).

“beomgyu for the last time, i did NOT make any today. please help yourself to any other pastries we have here.” you feel bad for taeyong, choi beomgyu angry is not a pretty sight. you decide to get up and handle the situation.

“beomgyu please leave taeyong alone” you grab his arm to try and pull him away.

“Y/N NO come on taeyong i’m a paying customer let me have some croissants please please please please” you feel embarrassed, everyone is STARING.

“here” all of a sudden a plate of croissants lands in front of beomgyu’s face.

“THANK YOU RANDOM STRAN-” beomgyu suddenly gasps and you look to see who gave the croissants.

“OH NOT RANDOM STRANGER MY BAD”

it’s donghyuck…with a plate full of croissants.

beomgyu takes the entire plate from donghyuck and runs to sit at your table.

“woah” donghyuck stands there wide eyed. i guess there goes his croissants.

you turn to donghyuck “how did you get croissants? i thought taeyong didn’t make any today?”

“taeyong let’s me help out from time to time, i saved some to snack on cause he said he wouldn’t be displaying it today but..”

“oh! holy shit im so sorry about him wait let me go get the plate back-“ you try to fast walk your way to beomgyu before he eats all the croissants when donghyuck grabs your wrist to stop you.

“nono its okay, i can have them anytime. you and your friend enjoy some while watching the perfomance okay?” you look down at where he holds your wrist, he follows your line of sight and he suddenly lets go and stretches his arm to scratch his neck “i should go with the rest of the group and warm up, thanks for coming today y/n i hope you enjoy the show” he smiles at you and begins to walk away.

8:00 pm

“y/n seriously if you don’t want him i’ll take him” you glare at beomgyu from across the table.

“you. are. embarrassing.”

“y/n he OFFERED why wouldn’t i take it?”

“normal people would only take one if someone offered them food, you took the WHOLE plate! do you have no shame?” you stare at him. beomgyu has already finished 3/5 croissants on the plate.

“y/n. you already know i’m far from normal. are you really questioning this? why would he put the entire plate in front of my face like that if he didn’t want me to take the whole thing?”

“you are unbelievable.” you try to grab a croissant but he slaps your hand away. greedy asshole.

“how on earth did you get croissants??” hanbin finally shows up alongside giselle after picking up the flowers you ordered for yunjin.

“y/n’s boyfriend gave me some- OW” you flick his forehead.

“donghyuck? he gave you croissants?”

“yes he did! he gave me an entire plate. i know why y/n likes him so much now”

before you could argue, the lights dim and soft guitar sounds start to play.

donghyuck’s voice resonates throughout the entire place.

wow. you are completely in awe…how has he never mentioned that he can sing?

i guess you should’ve known, he was always humming during calls, or more recently he keeps humming in the clinic.

you’re completely mesmerized by his honey voice that you don’t even realize their performance is over until you hear beomgyu’s loud ass clapping beside you.

you hear mark say thank you to the audience before the group exits the stage and yunjin comes to your table. you hug her congratulating her on her first performance. beomgyu even gives her his last croissant.

as your group falls into conversation you feel a tap on your shoulder and you turn around and see donghyuck standing there smiling at you.

“hey! good job on stage today you were amazing!”

“oh thanks! it’s really nothing” you notice his cheeks start to turn red.

“nothing?!?! donghyuck i’m pretty sure the entire audience was in awe of your voice. if i had a voice like that i honestly would not shut up” he smiles at your compliment.

“does that include you?”

“huh?”

“in awe…of my voice” he smirks. you can tell he’s teasing you but two can play at that game.

“yeah i was actually”

his smirk suddenly goes away, a shocked look on his face. he was NOT expecting you to play along…i mean you never did.

“what? it’s true, you’re amazing hyuck. you should be proud of yourself!”

“thanks y/n, that really means a lot” donghyuck can feel his heart beating. god, you make him crazy….

suddenly he hears jaemin loudly calling out his name in the middle of the cafe breaking the moment between you two.

“oof that sounds like its important. i should go, my friends want to get some food. again, you did great today hyuck! see you around?”

“yeah of course! i’ll see you”

he can’t even focus on his steps and trips on a chair on the way to his friends.

“oh my god are you okay???” you yell out to him.

“i’m fine i’m fine! have a good rest of your day y/n!” he quickly waves at you before speed walking away to his friends

“have a good day?? its 9pm at night lee donghyuck jesus.” he’s silently cursing jaemin in his head, this is all because of na jaemin’s loud ass voice calling him out like a dog in the cafe.

“yikes that was a mess.” speak of the devil.

“why were you yelling my name in a cafe full of people?!”

“because i’m hungry??? the guys insisted on waiting on you but your ass was taking so long! you took like 10 minutes only for you to embarrass yourself!”

“i did not!”

“that loud ass noise was you falling no?”

before he can strangle jaemin, mark quickly butts in.

“alright alright break it up! lets go! aren’t you guys hungry?”

during dinner, haechan is silent. he tries to focus on his friends’ conversations but honestly? despite chenle’s yelling and mark’s consistent rambling, he can’t even hear any of it. the only thing on his mind right now, is you.

note: another written chapter!! rlly love flustered and down bad haechan but i also rlly love him teasing 😭 but he’s not gonna know what hit him once y/n gets confident enough to fire back 🤭🤭

taglist: @bloomyroses @lionzyon @ourbeautifulaffair @yewshi @injunnie-lemon @nessaassen02 @dudekiss3r @jianreadsaus @haechsworld @catpjimin @onlyhyunjin @stqrgr7 @thegracerammy

masterlist | previous | next 𐙚˙✧˖

[scary-friend]

30 Day Moodboard Challenge

Anyone is welcome to join at any time~

Rules:

No explicit imagery. (Nudity, Gore, Violence, etc.)

You can skip days if you’d like to.

Mention triggers if used.

No bullying.

Tag me please, I’d love to see your boards.

💖 Challenge 💖

Day 1: Your favorite song.

Day 2: Current Favorite Movie, Can be any genre.

Day 3: Favorite Season.

Day 4: Favorite Book.

Day 5: Favorite Show.

Day 6: Favorite Fairy Tale, can be any version, Disney or original.

Day 7: Your favorite singer/band. One you’ve listened to since you were young.

Day 8: Favorite Animal, not sea creatures as that’s a different day.

Day 9: Favorite Color.

Day 10: Your Zodiac Sign.

Day 11: Dream life aesthetic.

Day 12: Favorite Fashion Aesthetic.

Day 13: Favorite Mythical Creature

Day 14: Favorite fictional character.

Day 15: Your f/o, or real partner if you’re comfortable.

Day 16: Favorite Holiday.

Day 17: Favorite Game.

Day 18: A song that feels like it was written about you. Just one you connected with.

Day 19: First fictional crush

Day 20: Most recent fictional crush

Day 21: Favorite childhood show

Day 22: Favorite childhood movie

Day 23: Another singer/band you really like, one that you’ve started listening to more recently.

Day 24: Favorite Hero, any comic, show, or movie.

Day 25: A fictional character you’d love to be friends with.

Day 26: Another blogger you really like, your dear mutual.

Day 27: Favorite fashion doll. Can be from Barbie, bratz, monster high, etc.

Dat 28: Favorite Goddess from any Mythology. Day 29: Board inspired by your pfp.

Day 30: Board based on You.

Have fun 💕

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hi, I'm sorry if you talked about this before. I'm confused about the books consensus wrt making child vampires. Claudia is treated as an abnomination by other vampires and Lestat admits that he deserved to be killed for making a 5-year-old vampire because she never could be happy. And then Marius advices Lestat against it and regrets that he made Armand too young. But later he turns a 12-year-old and not only he's very well-adjusted as a vampire and seems to be happy but also everyone at the court just accept him and doesn't serm to have any problem with him. For me it's a proof that a child vampire can be survive. So what's the truth? Why is 12-year-old ok but not 5-year-old? Does it depend on the situation and under certain circumstances child vampires are allowed? (I know of Marius' excuses that Benji was ill but for me it doesn't change anything?). Thank you.

Hey!!

Oh, you’re absolutely right, it’s hypocrisy and… spite.

There‘s a good post about it here, for example

Marius... turned Benji and Sybille because HE did not want to care about/for Armand at that point (and not really before either, but I digress). I disagree a bit with the interpretation that Louis and Armand (and Sybille and Benji) formed a family unit there (in fact, I highly doubt that interpretation), nonetheless the point of Marius turning Benji and Sybille ostensibly for Armand as to so he did not have to care for his very distraught and hurt fledgling... still stands.

It might also be good to remember that Claudia was destroyed by the (remaining) rules of a satanic cult - yes, Marius had advised Lestat not to turn someone younger than Armand (who was canonically 17), but... that is not the same as the hard-rule of "or else". And the rules that formed Armand and a lot of covens for centuries were lingering, even at the theater. The rules of the "Children of Satan/Darkness" are their own beast, in the books there's only five, the show expanded those:

The court... now the court comes into existence at a point when the vampires have been "thinned out", and those left are more or less just happy to be there - a kind of "live and let live" mind set (by most) if you will. As such Benji's and Sybille's acceptance there was never really weird to me. I mean, there's also Notker's choir... of boys, turned before they would reach puberty to keep their voices. Like.... Benjis probably didn't even raise an eyebrow for older vampires.

Claudia's misfortune was not her age - although that also did not help, obviously - no, the ultimate problem was that she needed someone to help her, and that she came to Paris.

And Paris... well.

There's a reason why Lestat in NOLA said: "Paris? No."

[ahecen]

thoughts on percabeth characterization in wottg (or lack thereof)?

oh my godddddd. first of all I just have to note how hilarious it is that everyone forgot about this book a week after it came out. anyway. percabeth’s characterization in the new books versus the show versus the original books is so interesting to me. with allegedly being very involved in the writing process of the show, you’d think rick would be even more aware of how he wrote his characters and translate that to new books. now i’m not saying 17 yr old percabeth should act the same as 13 yr old percabeth. you’d think they’d grow, right? wottg percabeth just doesn’t have that spark and I was honestly confused seeing ppl gush over them in this book. every time I thought they were about to have a talk, just a moment to themselves, the scene ended. how do you set up several scenes for your fav couple and just. end it. it’s extra strange bc I loved them dearly in cotg. but in wottg,,, where’s the friendship? they remind me of those couples in school that have been together for years and don’t seem to enjoy each others company. they’re currently together because… uh…. if this was my first introduction to percabeth, having no prior knowledge of their relationship, I would question how much they even liked each other. yeah, they love each other. that’s great and all, but do they like each other? it’s like percy and annabeth became caricatures of themselves. haha percy’s dumb. annabeth has an idiot boyfriend that everyone knows she’s too good for. this is the shit you read on wattpad, not a published book. I think the worst moment of all was when annabeth seemed to realize for the first time in her life that percy was intelligent. girl you’ve known that since you were twelve fucking years old. I also think percabeth suffers in this book bc annabeth didn’t have much of anything going on. she was kinda there. percy had an emotional moment, grover had several emotional moments, but there was always prepared annabeth, ready to save the day from her helpless boyfriend and friend. rick isn’t known to write female characters well, but annabeth has mostly been the exception to that. what happened? if cotg was bad, this would be a different story. and I know pjo tumblr likes to tussle about the quality of anything written after tlo, but I genuinely really liked cotg. there was a lot of heart. the shift from a good story to the nothingness of wottg was really disappointing. I wasn’t expecting much, but, like, can rick at least pretend to try? there’s a lot more to say but we’d be here all night.

tldr; it was only a matter of time before percabeth was negatively affected by ricks greed

[drowning-moonlight]

Ever since I read the Marineford arc in the manga, I've been intrigued by that part of Sengoku's speech in chapter 551 where he says that Ace took on the name Portgas D "two years ago" and I have not seen anyone talk about it.

I have always found the fact that he had only been going by Portgas D for two years to be interesting. Before reading this, I thought Ace had always used his mother's surname. In the same chapter, we learn that Rouge gave him the name Gol D Ace, which was chosen by Roger:

Ace never goes by 'Gol D' as far as I can remember and that's due to the fact that Ace hated his father and didn't want to be associated with him due to the danger being Roger's son put him in. Garp also probably didn't want to go around calling him 'Gol D Ace' in order to protect his identity.

Though Ace hated his father, he did love his mother, as she died protecting him. Thus, he chose to go by her name:

My question is, why did Ace only start going by Rouge's surname two years prior to the main story? When and from who did he learn about the name Portgas D? In the flashbacks of Ace's childhood with Sabo and Luffy, he doesn't go by Portgas D. Why not? I think it's safe to assume that Ace would have gone by his mother's name as soon as he learned about her. However, we don't know when Ace learned about Rouge. Ace does know about Roger though, as some of his earliest childhood flashbacks show him beating up people who say that Roger's child should be killed. So Ace knew in childhood who his father was but doesn't seem to know who his mother was, or at least didn't know her family name.

I think we as a fandom just assume that Garp told Ace about Rouge early on, and maybe he did tell Ace some things, but there's actually no indication that Garp told him about the name Portgas D. So if not from Garp, then who could Ace have feasibly learned that from?

(Now there does seem to be a little inconsistency with the timeline here. Sengoku also implies that Ace formed the Spade Pirates two years prior to the main story but that can't be true because when we first meet Ace in Alabasta, Luffy says that Ace set sail three years prior, when Ace was 17. The brothers made a pact to leave Dawn Island at 17 in honor of Sabo. Ace is 20 in Marineford so he had to have formed the Spades three years before that.

The first Ace Novel seems to take place very soon after Ace sets sail, meaning he's still 17 then. If he left on his birthday, January 1, then he's probably no more than a few days/weeks into being 17. He forms the Spades with Masked Deuce very early on in his time as a pirate, likely still 17. This is probably just a little continuity error. Or I'm looking too deep into something that's not really important lol.)

(And speaking of the first Ace Novel, Ace doesn't ever call himself Portgaz D in that book. I read it a few months ago and skimmed it just now and he only introduces himself to Deuce as simply "Ace" in chapter one. The book is written from Deuce's POV and reads a bit like a memoir, like it was written after the events took place. The only time I remember even seeing the name Portgaz D was in the prose right after they met on Sixis. No one ever refers to him with his surname though, it's always just "Ace" or "Fire Fist" or "Captain/Boss." This leads me to believe he wasn't going by Portgaz D at that point early in his pirate career.

However, in the second Ace Novel, he is referred to as "Portgaz D Ace" right from the prologue, which follows Whitebeard before he even meets Ace. So idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Anyway, "two years" prior to the main story had to have been when Ace was already part of the Whitebeard pirates. It's not clear from the manga or Ace Novels exactly how much time passes between Ace forming the Spade pirates and joining Whitebeard. At least a few months but probably not a whole year. I think a little less than a year could be likely. He spent a few months taking the Spades through Paradise, then a little ways through the New World. Then they get captured by Whitebeard and spent another couple of months on board where Ace tried to kill Whitebeard before deciding to join him.

We know it was after Ace joined that he told Whitebeard about Roger being his father. It's not really shown but I think it could be very likely that Ace asked about Roger. I don't know how that conversation could have went because Ace very much still hates Roger after he joined the Whitebeards. If Newgate had told Ace about his friendly rivalry with Roger, it didn't seem to change how Ace felt about Roger.

Maybe this is a reach but I don't think it's outside of the realm of possibility that Ace asked Whitebeard about Rouge as well. A "You knew my father, did you know my mother too?" kind of thing. There's no indication that Whitebeard could have known Rouge or anything about her but I think it could be a possibility. Maybe that's how he learned the name Portgas D and decided to start using it, two years prior to the main story?

Anyone have thoughts on this?

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Matchup request

👋

I'm not sure if you are still taking requests for this but I decided to write this either way. I tried it to write short so hope it's good.

ABOUT ME

My name is Vanessa and I'm 19 (birthday 17. June). I'm female and bisexual. I was only in relationship with man. I'm from one small European country called Croatia and I live on the beach.

APPEARANCE

I have dark brown hair and green eyes. Very pale face and few acne. I'm 160 (5'3) and 44 kilograms. I don't wear glasses or anything similar. I dyed my hair in dark red last summer.

HOBBIES

My hobbies are watching movies, reading and listening.

My favorite genre of movies and books are mostly horror and mastery.

Favorite movie: Interwiew with the vampire. Movie I'm deeply connected with is Dead poets society (cried).

Fav book is secret history and my favorite authors are Donna Tartt, Fyodor Dostoevsky and Edgar Allan Poe.

My favorite TV show is supernatural.

Favorite bands/singers: Rammstein, The Smiths, AC/DC, David Bowie, Alice Cooper, Queen, ABBA.

Favorite song: Bigmouth strikes again by The Smiths.

PERSONALITY

My personality type is INTP.

I'm diagnosed with social anxiety so I'm introvert and I don't talk too much.

I'm staying close to my friends and admiring people and their behavior.

I'm more type to enjoj book then to go out.

I'm usually quiet and shy but I know a lot about people because I listen a lot.

I'm calm person and very emotional.

I like: books, old music, movies, black color, cats, old cars. Researching about weird things such as conspiracy theories + Making journal about that things. Old things (gramophone records, clocks, furniture, paintings)

I usually dress in baggy pant and shirts.

RELATIONSHIPS

I want person who has similar interests as me, who would take care of me and support me.

Someone who would order food instead of me or pay in the store.

My love language is quality time.

In future I would like to live in peace, writing and sometimes traveling.

Hello again...

Sorry for spelling mistakes and this is poorly written but it's really late🥲

Fandoms I would like to get answers:

Marvel

Supernatural

X-men

Hope this is good enough 🙏

Byee and have good day❤

HI! I hope you like your matchups!

Enjoy! <333

Romantic Matchups; Marvel, Supernatural, and X-Men

~~~ Romantic;

~~~

Marvel;

Bruce Banner -

You joined the Avengers as an Avenger for your intelligence and superpowers (of your choice), you quickly found yourself drawn to Bruce because of his quiet, kind demeanor.

Your first real interaction happened in the lab when Tony Stark paired you with Bruce for an experiment.

You fumbled over your words while Bruce gently smiled, finding your shyness endearing since he could relate.

In the beginning, you didn't speak that much, but when you did, you were quiet and only fumbled slightly.

Slowly, you gravitated toward him during downtime, drawn to his calm presence amidst the chaos of the Avengers' lives.

You and Bruce became reading companions.

You’d bring books to the lab, and he'd often join you during breaks. Sometimes, you wouldn’t even talk - just sitting in companionable silence while flipping pages.

Both of you would bond over deep intellectual conversations about science, philosophy, or even the mysteries of the universe late at night when the tower was quiet.

You’d leave post-it notes on his desk with small facts or book quotes you thought he’d like. Bruce would smile and stick them in his notebooks. Anywhere where he can see them.

Bruce noticed how you always saved a seat next to him during meetings and brought him tea during late lab nights, and his heart would quietly ache with the realization of how much he adored your quiet kindness.

He grew protective of you, ensuring you never felt overwhelmed or anxious in stressful situations.

You started noticing how his eyes lingered a little too long on you when you weren’t looking, and the way he always made an effort to talk softly, so as not to scare you off.

One evening, after a particularly intense mission, Bruce found you curled up on the couch with a book, eyes drooping with sleep.

He gently covered you with a blanket, and when you stirred and smiled at him, he softly confessed, "I feel the most at peace when I’m with you. Sleep tight."

Reading in bed on lazy Sundays with a cat snuggled between you.

Experimenting in the lab together, where Bruce would let you tie his hair back when it got in his way.

Going on peaceful, early morning walks when the world was still quiet. No honking horns of New York.

You’d help him keep his anger in check by reminding him to take breaks, and he’d teach you simple breathing techniques to help with your social anxiety.

Bruce would quietly handle social situations for you, like ordering food or speaking to strangers when he noticed your anxiety flaring up.

Phone calls? He'd do those too.

He’d build you a small library in the Avengers tower and fill it with old books he found just for you. From all your favorite authors; Donna Tartt, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Edgar Allan Poe, and more.

Whenever you are stressed, Bruce will leave the room to give you space.

~~~

Supernatural;

Sam Winchester -

You met Sam in college during a late-night library session.

You were sitting in a corner with a worn copy of Dracula, scribbling notes in a journal.

Sam, curious and drawn to you, walked over and asked about the book you were reading. His gentle, approachable demeanor made you feel surprisingly comfortable.

From then on, you started running into each other often, exchanging shy smiles before eventually studying together.

It took some time to get to that stage.

You bonded over a shared love of books, often swapping favorites and discussing them over coffee or tea.

You noticed how protective he became of you, especially when loud, crowded parties stressed you out. He’d always be the one to quietly lead you out for some fresh air.

Sam realized his feelings for you when he caught himself watching you write in your journal, the soft light of the library highlighting your focused expression.

For you, it was the way Sam’s voice softened whenever he talked to you, and how he always made you feel seen and heard, no matter what.

Neither of you rushed into a confession, but the feelings were clear in the way you gravitated toward each other and how your study sessions started feeling more like dates.

Sam finally confessed his feelings during a late-night drive. The two of you had been talking about everything and nothing when he nervously said, "I think I’ve liked you since the day you told me Dostoevsky."

Watching horror movies together, popcorn in a giant bowl between the both of you.

Picnics in quiet parks where you’d bring books to read your favorite lines to each other.

Sam would handle ordering at restaurants and talking to cashiers, always wanting to make things easier for you.

He’d surprise you with first-edition copies of your favorite books, leaving little notes inside.

You’d be Sam’s calm in the storm, always listening when he needed to vent or reflect on something weighing on him.

You’d research topics for his essays or hunts, knowing how much he valued your insight.

You’d remind him to take care of himself, especially during times when he pushed himself too hard.

Sam loved complimenting your aesthetic and personal style.

~~~

X-Men;

Hank McCoy -

You became Hank’s assistant after being recruited by Charles Xavier, who noticed your intelligence and potential in science.

Your shyness made your first interactions with Hank a little awkward, but his own bashfulness helped bridge the gap.

Hank immediately respected your work ethic and would sneakily leave coffee on your desk when he noticed you stayed up late in the lab.

You and Hank bonded over your shared love of research and a deep curiosity about the world.

Hank would catch you humming to your music while jotting down notes and find it utterly charming.

He started sharing his personal experiments with you, trusting you completely with his work.

And soon enough, you see his Beast form.

He's worried you won't like him or be afraid of him, but you aren't.

Dating Hank meant lots of quiet moments in the lab, where you’d work side by side, sometimes forgetting the world outside existed.

He’d take you on simple, thoughtful dates, like stargazing or visiting libraries with rare texts.

Museum dates!

Sharing music playlists, with Hank secretly adding songs he thought would make you would like or would make you smile.

Hank would always make sure you had the resources you needed for your work, even if it meant going out of his way. Pens, paper, whatever!

He’d offer quiet encouragement whenever your social anxiety flared up, reminding you of your incredible capabilities.

He’d protect you fiercely, both in the lab and during missions, always making sure you felt safe.

You’d help him organize his notes and gently remind him to take breaks when he got too absorbed in his work.

You’d always remind him of his worth, especially during times when he struggled with his self-image.

You know, when he turns blue.

Movie nights where you watch The Dead Poet's Society or binge Supernatural.

Really likes listening to David Bowie and AC/DC with you on a second player.

[hannamoon143]

...👀👀👀👀👀

Imma ask all😔✨

1. What song makes you feel better?

2. What is your go to comfort show?

3. Reading or writing? Why?

4. Whats your favorite feeling?

5. How do you like to take care of yourself?

6. What’s your favorite candle scent?

7. Who do you feel most like yourself around?

8. Whats a fabric/texture that’s nostalgic for you?

9. Best childhood moment?

10. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? (or just felt really good afterwards)

11. Do you have a comfort item? Tell us about it!

12. What calms you down?

13. Bath or shower to relax?

14. Whats something upcoming that you’re excited for?

15. Comfort food ?

16. What’s something you want to create soon?

17. How do you feel best loved ?

18. What age in life do you think you’ll feel most yourself at?

19. Have you ever written or received a love letter?

20. Tell us about a memory you hold close to your heart.

21. Tea, Coffee or hot cocoa ?

22. Name of your favorite playlist?

23. Have you ever received flowers?

24. Who is your bestfriend ?

25. If your soul was a color, what would it be? 

26. If you could live anywhere with anyone you want, where would it be and who would you bring?

27. Do you like to garden? Have you ever grown something?

28. What are you proudest of?

29. Arw you a kind person ?

30. What do your hobbies look like ?

I'm sorry it will take time for u to answer but I'm a curious person so 😔💕✨

Take your time <333

omg thats so cutei😭💕 let's start

secret secret by stray kids, and sweater weather <3

hmmm i'd say gilmore girls, and the drama "it's okay to not be okay"

i personally love both, i love reading cause i can escape reality,also if it's just for a few hours. i love writing cause i can express my feelings so naturally, other than with speaking😅

the feeling when i'm doing something that really makes me happy, and i can just forget everything else

hmm when i feel drained i like to take a long hot shower, and afterwards jsut go to bed and read a comfort book, or when i'm in public, i take my headphones and listen to music

ohhh i love vanilla candles

when i'm alone and with @darqlys

When i was with my that time best friend at night at a little hill, we were watching fireworks, and i thought everything would be perfect forever

hmm i'd say raw cookie dough, and the blanket i have for rlly long now

hmm tbh i can't really remember

soo i think in a way my headphones are my comfort item, cause music brings me a big comfort, but also my old plushies i'd say, and that may seem weird but i keep all letters i ever got, and to this day i still read letters from people who i now not even have contact with anymore, but sweet words from people who loved me once or love me are something that brings me comfort too.

music

shower

hmm i guess i'm excited for christmas

rice.it''s light, never made me feel sick or smth and its also not unhealthy so yea

i hope to create a work of writing that i will be really proud of, and can say that i'm really satisfied with

physical affection. i love love love hugs and stuff, but also loving and appreciating words make me feel really loved and worthy

hmm maybe when i was a child around the age of 6 or maybe in some years

actually i wrote one once, but i wrote it together with another girl and it was really embarassing, cause the guy never said anything about it except thank u so it was really weird after.but i love the memory of it😂

the memories with my old best friends,yes all of them. i was always myself, and there wasn't a day where we didn't have fun together.

hmm i love tea and coffee, but i think i'll go with tea.

it's just my favorites

no

@darqlys

hard question, it'd be navy blue ig

i would move to japan, korea, or somewhere scandinavian with @darqlys or alone

yes i lowkey like it, and yes i've grown some things before

my family for being so strong even through real shitty times, and @darqlys, i'm proud of u all the time

oh that's hard to say😅 idk how other people see me but i try to always be kind.

i mostly write, read, listen to music, and yea that's it, kinda boring ig

yes that's it ig💕

[foxes-that-run]

Late Night Talking

LNT is the first song written for Harry’s House, at the end of April 2020. Harry sings about wanting to be there for this person he can’t get off his mind. The videos for it explore the difference of Harry privately vs his public persona.

The lyric video reminds me of grapejuice with wine in the garden and friend with Harry looking at a view. This song reminds me of this part of the Zane Lowe Interview, (talking about As it Was):

I just got to like sit for a second and you create this kind of like space for yourself and obviously everyone kind of had their world shrunk and you really became abundantly clear like who you missed and who you didn't miss and who you wanted to spend time with and what felt more important.

Music Video

The was filmed 13 February 2022. It opens with Harry looking for his muse. All we see of them is a t-shirt and a bra. The record on the floor is the Talk Talk album 'It's My Life'. The title track is about a relationship with someone who is seeing someone else, their MV has wildlife starting on flamingos. The LNT MV opens with calm, private Harry in pale blue socks. Looking for the muse he falls through the bed into a dreamlike world (very Alice in Wonderland) of public perception where Harry wears passionate red socks.

All scenes are in a bed. It may be what if everything people said about him was true and how hard those rumours are on a relationship and self. ("Saying that's not true get's old after a while" “it does, I'm bored of it" 2013 to Heatworld)

The next scene is Harry singing to the listener with his full attention but he has a line of female and male partners in bed. There is a similar scene of Harry with many partners (COSOSOM-esq). Everyone else has bare feet.

Harry then recreates Tracey Emin's 'My Bed', a piece of an unmade bed about depression and public vs private life. Harry is in the bed with male and female partners, on his life on display, he reads the newspaper.

The next 2 scenes show how differently Harry's time with people are viewed, with a man he is in a restaurant and people ignore it, they pass by (This is not in private as some say) whereas with a woman (wearing the shirt from the start, H's nails are red & blue) in what should be in the dark, relaxing and eating popcorn a literal spotlight is put on them in the audience and the camera zooms in, like:

"Sometimes people say, ‘You’ve only publicly been with women,’ and I don’t think I’ve publicly been with anyone. If someone takes a picture of you with someone, it doesn’t mean you’re choosing to have a public relationship or something.” - to Rolling Stone.

These next 2 scenes are Harry officiating a wedding, but lightening and clouds arrive and he disappears, ruining everyones time. I think this is him disappearing because paparazzi arrive (see flashes). And Harry falling through the sky, (see clouds). The video ends with Harry happy back in the blue socks on the single cover.

When was it written

Harry was in LA promoting Fine Line when the COVID travel ban was introduced 17 March 2020. Harry said to Zane Lowe that he took 6 weeks to do nothing then booked a studio and this was the first song while setting up. That places it around 28 April 2020.

Kid Harpoon told Billboard: "Styles booked time at Rick Rubin’s Shangri-La in Malibu, Calif., and invited Hull and writer-producer Tyler Johnson to the sessions. “I was like, ‘Is he insane? We can’t leave our houses!’ ” recalls the affable Hull one late afternoon in New York. Still, the trio showed up and immediately got to work. “Day one, we’re writing a song, and [Harry] came up with this piano part. And then I was like, ‘Oh, that could be faster. And you could do this chord, and we could do this.’ ” That evolved into “Late Night Talking,” the first song written for what would become 2022’s Harry’s House"

Harry told Zane Lowe (24 Mins) LNT, Daylight, Keep Driving and Sushi were in this group, to Stern and Lowe he said Daylight was also one of the first. The leaked Too Much Sauce was also recorded in May 2020.

Lyrics

Things haven't been quite the same There's a haze on the horizon, babe It's only been a couple of days And I miss you, mm, yeah When nothin' really goes to plan You stub your toe or break your camera I'll do everythin' I can To help you through

In the first verse Harry is uncertain about change. I think there’s a double meaning of the pandemic and also Harry himself. Uncertainty aside, Harry is committed to doing anything to help this person and just wants to be with them.

Camera's are in Keep Driving (Black and White Film Camera) and Perfect (Cameras flashing everytime you go out). The camera is interesting, one Harry avoids considering the video's focus on perception.

The only other 'Haze' in a Harry song is in Little Freak, "starry-eyed Crystal Haze'

If you're feelin' down I just wanna make you happier, baby Wish I was around I just wanna make you happier, baby

Harry repeats that all he wants is this person to be happier. Another pandemic reference that Harry is separated from the person physically, in this case by lockdown but it applies broadly.

'Make you happier' reminds me of Happily, where the path to that happiness was being together again. Harry also says 'happier/happy' in:

Only Angel - I'm just happy getting you stuck in between my teeth

Super Pretty (unreleased) "Said you're happier with that big baller That we both knew growing up"

I'm not happy - I'm not happy, but I'm happy you asked

JCHNY

We've been doin' all this late night talkin' 'Bout anythin' you want until the mornin' Now you're in my life I can't get you off my mind

The chorus is so sweet and also simple, Harry has been talking to the muse on the phone. He will talk to them about anything they want because his focus is on them. He wants to share and get close. I line the line 'now you're in my life I can't get you off my mind' he's completely infatuated. This touches on some themes or lyric similarities:

Mind is a theme.

Harry's lyrics about Talk

Harry's lyrics about Night, especially the unreleased I Just Wanna Love You -" Talking to me late night"

Communication theme

I've never been a fan of change But I'd follow you to any place If it's Hollywood or Bishopsgate I'm coming too

In the final verse Harry again would do anything, this time linking back to the first verse, where he saw the change coming and now will do what is uncomfortable, even moving. The Hollywood/Bishopsgate is often reported as connecting OW in Hollywood to Harry's home of London, but it was written before they met. Harry wrote the song in Los Angeles, so I think he means wherever.. though noting he only listed where he was and his home. Harry's lyrics about Change

Folklore, Lover and Midnights

The first songs on Folklore and Harry's LA session songs have similarity. The One is a conversation with an ex-partner. Folklore started 2 days into the pandemic in LA. 2020 timeline. The MV spaghetti scene is similar one in Lover's MV, which has a joke Harry read in Fan Mail. Taylor named the bonus tracks on a special edition of Midnights "Late Night Talking Tracks" in the post she referenced The One and Satellite. Thanks @womanexile

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

Hi hello I watched all of carmilla in a weekend when I was 17 because a student teacher who in retrospect I had a bit of a crush on mentioned that she knew one of the actresses. also I am pretty invested in all your recent vampire stuff because I watched iwtv in 2 days last week because your edit intrigued me

oh hiiii 🫶 thank you for indulging me. thats so cool that you watched iwtv! did it live up to the expectation?

i also watched carmilla at 17! or like, 17-19. i found it when s2 had just started and followed it to the end. did something permanent to my brain but i think it was a good thing. on rewatch now im like, i was right to like this. like it's a solid show, it's good. it has its flaws obviously but it's well written, the emotional moments still get me, i can see why i liked it and i still like it now even when it's not anymore, you know, meeting every need that baby gay me didnt even know they had

what it doesnt reaallyy do though - i dont remember if i posted abt this or if i left it in my drafts but - is explore vampirism as a concept. their subject matter is more lesbianism than vampirism. which is great! thats what they wanted to do and they did it and it's very good. but reading interview with the vampire the book rn im realising how much potential vampires have to be metaphors for like so many things and i started wondering like 'wait, did carmilla just not really engage with it or did it all go over my head'. but it just didnt really engage with it all that much. which again is fine bc that wasnt what they were doing. im glad they were more about the lesbianism than the vampirism

but there's this interesting difference in framing, because in iwtv they keep calling armand 'ancient' right? and emphasising how old he is. and he's like 500? and i was like 'wait isnt carmilla like 400?'. she isnt, shes 340, but still, thats getting there, you know? and we know quite a lot about her history, but kind of just the Big Events. when she was turned, the events of the novella, coffin of blood, silas. thats sort of what we know. but none of the long lonely slog of history day to day you know? with armand i feel like we can really feel how much time everything takes. how every one of those years is made up of single days. with carmilla i dont feel that as much. i keep kind of thinking about daniel, when louis calls him a boy in the first episode, saying "im an old man, with all the triggers that come with it"

because carmilla might look 18 (or mid twenties at this point) but she has lived all that time. shes also seen her native land be claimed by like a succession of ruling powers, right? like armand. shes been buried alive, like louis. when lestat is born, shes already 80 years old, shes lived a whole human lifetime, and the entire adult part of it shes been a vampire. shes lived through 1680-1870 being a lure. i compared her to abigail hobbs in some tags on a post, i dont know if youre familiar with hannibal the tv show, but i do also kinda keep thinking about that comparison

if youre not familiar, in the first episode of hannibal the murderer of the week is this guy garrett jacob hobbs who kills and cannibalises girls who resemble his daughter. and later on it turns out she was made to be his lure. like they'd go places and he'd sent her to the victims to make friends and maybe get them back to their home or smth. not sure if they specified all the details. but that's what carmilla did for mother. and in s2 we hear from mattie that while every couple of decades carmilla had to lure victims for the fish god, she also seemed to just enjoy humans between those times, right? like the doctor, gets lonely, gets a new companion. but we've only sort of got mattie's mocking word for it ("dont eat him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a wonderful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin"), we don't know exactly from carmilla's point of view what she was doing or why. if mattie's talking about stuff that happened after the blood coffin, 1950-now, then i think it's a fair assumption based on what carmilla says in the s1 sock puppet show that after she'd figured out what the real situation was and what her role in it was, when she'd started trying to save girls from being sacrificed, that she mightve been doing the same trying to save people from becoming mattie's victims. it's probably more likely that she was just trying to find excuses to stop mattie from sucking someone dry rather than actually having like an aesthetic based morality. but it might be a bit of both. im still trying to figure out what her philosophy actually is, like i dont know what existentialism actually means ghkfjghkj but i will

i also found it pretty striking in the movie when shes turning back into a vampire she says like "this was supposed to be done, you know? the blood lust, the self-loathing, the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom". thats what defines her vampirism, wanting blood and hating yourself for it (the third part is a joke/reference to s1 but also i think meaningful for how she sees her relationship with laura when she IS a vampire. little bit of that 'she will reject me for my monstrousness' shining through). and thats what defines vampirism for lots of vampires across the genre obviously, but i dont know, it struck me. we dont get a lot from carmilla's pov, we know a fair amount about her, but the story is always told through laura. we get laura's diaries, but just snippets here and there from carmilla, what shes thinking, how shes feeling

and i love that shes a philosopher. i love that thats how she seems to try and find something to hold onto, in a world that kind of moves around her, having been murdered, kidnapped, turned and groomed to be a lure on the cusp of adulthood, never having been properly loved (the relationship with her father wasnt good she says in s3, and her mortal mother i dont think has ever been mentioned (like laura's)). the only good relationship she seems to have had for the better part of 3 centuries seems to have been mattie, and mattie seems to love being a vampire. i can imagine carmilla just sort of going along with anything mattie wants to do just because shes so desperate for that friendship. not like, against her will necessarily really. but more like, she hasnt even had the space to develop her own will, you know? and philosophy lets you do that. philosophy gives you frameworks to understand the world and to develop your own opinions on it. and by the 21st century she seems to have developed those opinions, she has a sense of her own values, but shes also still stuck in that same situation. shes jaded and cynical in the face of laura's optimism and strong moral code a lot of the time in s1 because she feels probably pretty powerless. like she does what she can to save some girls but at the end of the day shes scared of her mother and she has nowhere else to go really, right?

i like how she grapples with that over the course of the series, in tandem with laura grappling with her black and white morality. she sort of jumps ship from her mother to laura bc theyve fallen in love, but then laura still stuck in her hero thinking refuses to see her monstrous side. not literally bc i think the biological vampirism never seemed to be a problem for laura, but morally. the having murdered. carmilla needs laura to see that and love her while seeing it bc the last girl she loved rejected her for being a vampire.

but you see her kind of swing back and forth in s2. she softens first with laura but then they break up and she leans back hard into the sarcastic cynic defense mechanisms, leans hard into "im a monster, dont expect heroism from me". but thats like, it's sort of learned helplessness i think. it's powerlessness, resignation. bc morally shes not a monster. maybe she doesnt have as strong a drive to help other people as laura does and is a little more selfishly hedonistic in that she just wants to enjoy her/their life, but she doesnt hurt people for fun, she never has. she just sort of didnt have another option for a Really long time. so she pretends she doesnt care. "im a vampire, this is what i do, this is who i am". but clearly from the way she talks about it when she turns back into one, she doesnt enjoy it

and i like how she goes even further in s3, where she starts swinging even more to the heroic side, bc she sees hope. shes like "wow if we kill my mother, i'd be free". theres hope and she becomes like a lot more active. and shes like that at the start of the movie too, a lot happier, a lot more relaxed, and then vampirism is back and bam depression gfhgkjh like shes immediately more gloomy, ashamed of her past and her self, retreats into herself

sorry i just took this as an opportunity to dump all the carmilla thoughts floating in my head on you. you didnt ask fhkghgjh consider this an open invitation to you or anyone else to come talk to me about carmilla

[notjosieyouremy]

every edsheeran book ive ever read and what i thought

*reblog without tags please

update #1: i just finished reading Letting An@ Go by anonymous. the teenage drama and romance is gross and annoying. the protagonist has a lot of strong opinions about peoples weight, especially her mother’s, which is very triggering. plenty of m3an $pO if that’s your thing. rampant fatphobia. i give it 3 out of 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

5 star tier ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

• hunger: a memoir of (my) body by roxane gay. one of the best edsheeran books ive read. it’s about sa, food addiction, boolimia, feminism, fatphobia, the struggles of just trying to exist black woman in a large body. would recommend

• i’m glad my mom died by jennette mccurdy. it’s so good. i think i finished it in a day. it’s about a lot more than edsheeran. highly recommend. go read it right now

• unbearable lightness: a story of loss and gain by portia de rossi. a gay actor’s struggles with edsheeran. one of the few i’ve read more than once. would recommend

• wasted: a memoir of an0rex!a and boolimia by marya hornbacher. really deserves to be in a class of its own. it’s the best written edsheeran book out there. it’s sad, hilarious, intelligent, perfectly captures the internal voice of mania. highly tr!ggering, so proceed with caution. after wasted was published she relapsed, which she speaks about in madness: a bipolar life. it’s also a very good book but edsheeran is not the focus

4 star tier ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

• insatiable: a young mother’s struggle with an0rexia by erica rivera. if you wanna read about someone who takes fistfuls of bisacodyl and exercises intensely, you might like this book. it’s very good. would recommend

• dying to be th!n by nikki grahame. imagine being so severely malnourished as a child that you never go through puberty. thats how serious her illness was. she basically grew up in treatment facilities, managed to recover against all odds, went on big brother (the reality show), published a book, relapsed, and tragically passed away in 2021. the covid lockdowns were hard on her mental health. would recommend

• the girls at 17 swann street by yara zgheib. semi-autobiographical work of fiction. what sets this one apart is the protagonist isn’t a teenage girl. she’s, like, 28 i think? something like that. would definitely recommend if you get tired of reading about teens and preteens all the time

• elena vanishing by elena dunkle. at a certain point, all these books can be summarized in one sentence: she had to choose between recovery or death. it’s a very good memoir. would recommend

• born round: the secret history of a full-time eater by frank bruni. we love to see male representation in the edsheeran community. he was a chubby kid, turned to unhealthy means to achieve we!ght loss, eventually learns to heal his relationship with food and becomes restaurant critic for the new york times (ever heard of it?). would recommend

• sure, i’ll join your cult: a memoir of mental illness and the quest to belong anywhere by maria bamford. if you don’t know who maria bamford is, she’s one of the best stand up comics, period. that’s not even my opinion, it’s just an agreed upon fact within the stand up community. she’s brilliant. the book is about her mental illnesses and all the different self help groups she joins (so many!). she does go into her struggle with exercise boolimia, though that’s not the primary subject. it gets 5 stars as a book, but 4 stars as an edsheeran book because there just isn’t a lot of dis0rder talk

3 star and below ⭐️⭐️⭐️

• stick figure: a diary of my former self by lori gottlieb. good but i had trouble relating to the protagonist because was quite young and immature

• the art of st4rving by sam j. miller. some much needed male representation in edsheeran literature. and some lgbtq representation. it’s YA (young adult) fiction, not really my taste. would recommend for those who like YA. great cover art!

• wintergirls by laurie halse anderson. a lot of people love this book. i thought it was ok. it’s a work of fiction by an author who isn’t really part of the edsheeran or recovery community. it’s another YA book. i will always prefer memoirs and non-fiction

• fat chance by lesléa newman. this was the first edsheeran book i read. it was assigned reading for my high school health class. it’s a YA novel about a 13 year old girl who wants to lose we!ght. she re$tricts, she b;nges, she poorges, she becomes boolimic. i can trace my edsheeran back to this book. i started d;eting, b;ngeing, and abusing lax4tives as a direct result of reading this material. it did the exact opposite of its purpose, trying to steer young people away from toxic d!et culture. my take away was, i’m overweight, therefore i should be willing to do anything to get th!nner. it’s not very good tbh. maybe if you like YA you’d like it but otherwise, would not recommend

[cheerycherrycandy-resurrected]

What You've Done, You Cannot Undo (Medieval AU)

Chapter 17

The ghouls settle in some more, and Rain opens up to Dewdrop about his final big secret.

A bit of fluff, a bit of angst, a lot of "just kiss already!" I hope you enjoy <3

Rating: M Content: flashbacks, mild descriptions of violence Words: 7217

Links to full fic: Tumblr | AO3

Hi tag pals! @everybodyshusband @revengeghoulette

Read below, or on AO3!

Sunshine had pulled out all the stops with the picnic she brought; Dew had to wonder how she managed to fit as much into the basket as she did. They lounged around in the midday sun, chatting about their mornings and listening to the gentle lap of the lake against the feet of the dock. Rain had eventually put a shirt on, to Dew’s relief and disappointment, but he could still picture how he had looked climbing out of the lake; the type of figure the ancient Greeks carved statues of, the type that poems were written about. He spent the first minutes of their meal pretending to be incredibly interested in the sandwich he was nibbling rather than the press of the water ghoul’s knee against his, but he quickly found something more interesting to watch.

Swiss and Mountain were sat incredibly close to each other, so near they were practically in each other’s laps – Dew chose not to think about how him and Rain were sat in equal or greater proximity – with their elbows knocking together each time they raised their arms to eat. Dew wondered again what had transpired that morning that had led to them acting quite so cosy.

Rain was keen to see some more of the Abbey, seeing as he had been in the infirmary whilst the others had been shown around, and so Sunny offered to take him to the greenhouses on the way back to the Abbey. Mountain and Swiss followed too, seeing as their visit had been cut short by the pandemonium of Rain’s recovery the previous day.

“You coming too, Aeth?” Dew asked, turning to the quintessence ghoul. He shuffled his feet.

“I think I’ll go back to the library for a bit, Copia was showing me around before Sunshine fetched me for lunch.”

Mist raised an eyebrow.

“Wow, either the old guy’s got a lot more fun, or you really like the books.” She remarked.

“I’ll see you later, don’t worry,” Aether smiled at Mountain’s concerned expression, “seriously, I’m good. He’s really interesting to talk to.”

Dew made a mental note to check in with him.

Sunny had led the rest of them up to the greenhouse complex, Mist giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before heading off with Aether back to the Abbey. Rain was mildly intrigued by the strange sheds made of glass panels, and even more interested when Sunshine explained how she had enchanted some of them to grow summer produce all year round. However, what he was most interested in was Dew’s rapturous expression as he followed her around. In a greenhouse that was almost stifling in its humidity, he had spotted a collection of small plants with long, red fruits hanging from them.

“Chilli peppers,” Dew gasped in delight, “they didn’t grow these before! We only had the dried ones.”

“They’re a new crop,” Sunny smiled, “we traded a few seeds from down south, and now we can grow them in here ourselves!”

Dew nipped one from the plant with his sharp claws, happily biting into it. Rain made to follow his lead, but the fire ghoul shot out a panicked arm.

“They’re really hot, Rain. Hotter than anything we ate before, try a tiny nibble of mine first.”

Rain eyed the bright red pepper in Dew’s hand, unsure how a plant could be hot. Before he could reach out a hand to take it, Dew raised it to his mouth, offering to feed him. He sniffed it, and shot out his forked tongue for a delicate lick, trying not to think about Dew’s own lips touching it moments prior.

He didn’t have a chance to worry about his face blushing red: the tiniest touch of it on his tongue left it burning, and he flinched away from it with a hiss.

“It burns! What is that?”

Dew tried not to laugh, sympathetic to the water ghoul’s pain.

“It’s a chilli pepper. They’re spicy, it makes them taste hot.”

“They’re evil.” Rain countered with a pout, drinking from a stream of water he summoned that cascaded from his hand.

Dew failed to keep a straight face and giggled. The sound was infectious, and despite his still-burning tongue Rain found himself doing the same.

While the two youngest ghouls messed around, Mountain had wandered off to investigate a tall plant with waxy yellow and white flowers he didn’t recognise and swiftly got chatting to an elderly earth ghoulette tending to it. Swiss was left looking around, wondering who he was supposed to tag along with, when Sunshine sidled up to him, following his gaze towards Mountain.

“Looks like you’ve caught yourself a nice one there,” she purred, before looking Swiss up and down, “although he’s not done too badly himself, either.”

Swiss stared down at her, too scandalised to speak.

“Relax, I’m just messing with you!” Sunshine cackled.

“We’re not even together.” He huffed back, bemused by the ghoulette’s behaviour.

“What!” Sunny shrieked, clapping her hands to her mouth to stifle the noise when Mountain glanced their way. “What’s in the water where you lot come from? First those two idiots,” she gestured to Rain and Dew, the latter now trying to see how many chillies he could fit in his mouth at once while the former continued scraping at his tongue, red faced, “and now you? How come none of you talk to each other!”

While Swiss spluttered, at a loss for words, she turned back to bark at the two youngest ghouls.

“Stop wasting all my damn harvest, Dewdrop!”

“I’m gonna talk to him,” Swiss huffed, “I just need to find the right moment.”

“When’s that, next century?”

Swiss gave in, chuckling along with her as he let Sunshine lead him along an aisle of plants, away from the rest of the group and out of their earshot. It was nice, he thought, having someone new to talk to, even if she seemed to be having far too much fun laughing at his expense.

“So, you’re a multi too,” Sunshine said as they strolled, the teasing gone from her voice but the cheerful attitude still there, “I haven’t met another one of us in years.”

Swiss nodded. “I haven’t either. Not since I left my birth clan.”

“How’re you settling in here?” Sunshine asked casually, but Swiss could feel the question was loaded.

“I don’t really know,” he sighed, “everyone else seems to be finding their place really quickly, but I don’t know where I’m supposed to fit in here.”

Sunshine pursed her lips in understanding.

“It’s hard. The other ghouls all seem to have their roles laid out for them, don’t they.”

The pair watched Mountain talking animatedly with the earth ghoulette through a gap in the foliage. Of all the ghouls, Swiss would have thought that the introverted earth ghoul would be the least likely to fit in so soon in a busy community like the Abbey. However, Mountain seemed to be doing better than Swiss so far; a strange experience for the ghoul who had always felt like the ‘face’ of the pack before.

“How did you find your niche?” He asked eventually. “I feel like I’m just tagging along with everyone else for lack of anything else to do.”

“It kind of just happened,” Sunshine mused, linking her arm through his and starting walking again, “I overheard a group of fire ghouls complaining that they were struggling to enchant a warm climate greenhouse because everything was just turning crispy, and I offered to help. Things seem to be doing better now I’ve added more light and humidity, so this has become my main task.”

“I worry I’m just a bit useless here,” Swiss sighed “back home I made predictions and stuff for the people in the town, but there’s air ghouls here who can do that so much better.”

“For the humans?” Sunshine stopped again, and swung round to face him. “That’s something that could be useful! Talk to Copia, he has all kinds of plans for something he calls ‘community outreach’, but no ghouls to help him.”

“He does?”

“Uh huh. I came from living with humans too, and he got really excited about some sort of project to ‘spread His message’? I’m surprised he hasn’t mentioned it to you already, knowing your background.”

“Didn’t Dew say there are humans here who could do that? Why does he need ghouls to do that?”

“There’s a few, yes. You probably haven’t seen much of them, they stay in a totally separate wing to us ghouls. They’re the current ambassadors for the Ministry, but they’re not very successful.” Sunshine gave an exaggerated look over her shoulder, as though to check no errant human had snuck up on them in the last few seconds.

“They’re a bit useless if you ask me,” she whispered conspiratorially, “and so boring. They’re scared of their own kind, and they’re so bad at recruiting that they’re outnumbered by ghouls almost five to one.”

Swiss tried to imagine being a human preaching to their own kind about the wonders of the Dark Lord. That sounded like a one-way ticket to the gallows or the stake.

“Copia thinks us ghouls would do a better job,” Sunny continued, “even glamoured, we’re not human enough to fully pass, and he thinks that our slight otherworldly appearance might attract the interest of humans more suited to our cause, while scaring off those who oppose us.”

“I can see where he’s coming from,” agreed Swiss, “before I joined the pack I used to travel around with my guitar, singing in taverns and such. People were wary of me, but I think that added to the allure for some of them.” He flashed a dazzling smile to demonstrate, slightly-too-pointed teeth glistening next to his lone gold fang.

“Oh nice!” Sunny clapped her hands in joy. “I used to do something similar, I’d go round villages singing the humans’ folk songs in exchange for food and shelter.”

“Huh. Maybe Copia should think about spreading His word through music…” Swiss thought out loud.

“If our voices don’t get ‘em, that smile of yours sure will,” Sunny laughed, “it certainly seemed to work on your earth ghoul, look.”

They glanced over to where Mountain, having finished his conversation with the earth ghoulette, had drifted back over to Dew and Rain. He was hovering behind them, his eyes watching Swiss and Sunshine and he looked guilty at having been caught staring. Steering him by the elbow, Sunny led Swiss back over in their direction, beaming angelically.

“So, where next boys?”

The ghouls ended up in the library a while later, where they found Aether and Copia in a pair of armchairs, surrounded by books and deep in conversation. The quintessence ghoul looked up at the commotion caused by their entry and waved them over happily.

“See you nerds later.” Sunny gave them a mock-salute, and vanished back down the corridor.

“How were the greenhouses?” Aether asked as they dragged more chairs over, thoroughly disturbing the peace the two had been sat in.

“We saw Sunny's tropical one,” Mountain enthused, “it was very interesting. I got talking to an earth ghoulette called Delphinia, she's offered to give me a proper induction to working there if we choose to stay!”

“Spicy.” grumbled Rain, so quietly only Dew could hear him. He was still pouting about the betrayal of the pretty red fruit even now, and Dew thought it was simply adorable. His lower lip jutting out, Dew wanted nothing more than to kiss it and wipe the expression from his face. He saw Rain watching him, the slightest twitch in the corner of his eyes giving away that he had noticed Dew's stare, and he forced his eyes away, embarrassed at being caught.

“I've been telling Copia all about our travels before coming here,” Aether continued, “especially our early ones, Mount.”

The earth ghoul chirped in interest.

“They sound fascinating,” Copia gushed, “and not just the environments you saw, but the people too! As you can probably tell, we don't have a large human populous right now, especially not people who have come from any distance away.” He gestured around the library as he spoke, the lone human sat in a corner looking scared for their life as five pairs of ghoulish eyes suddenly landed on them.

“What's so interesting about the people?” Mountain asked, curious.

“For starters, how their attitudes to our cause are changing over time. Are they more accepting? Or are they frightened instead? These are all questions I have wanted to ask!”

“You want to talk to Swiss really,” Mountain said, looking at the multi ghoul who seemed surprised at his involvement, “he's got the most experience interacting with humans out of all of us; Aeth and I tended to steer clear of them when we could.”

“I travelled around with my guitar for many years,” Swiss explained, “playing in taverns and the like. I was just telling Sunshine about it. Most humans acted similarly, but there were always a few who were... more receptive listeners.” He tried diplomatically to describe the humans, men and women alike, who would practically throw themselves at his feet for a few sweet words and a honeyed smile.

“How wonderful,” Copia beamed. The intense focus he was listening with surprised Swiss, “I would be honoured to discuss your experience with us more mortal folk at greater length!”

Swiss shrugged, bashful. After the last few days of seeing his packmates slot into place here, he hadn't expected to feel needed in any way, least of all by their leader.

“I have a goal, you see,” the man explained, his face seeming to regain its youth in his excitement, “to spread His message far beyond these walls, far beyond the distance any missionary could carry it. The problem is, of course, the method.”

Swiss thought back to his conversation with Sunny.

“How about music?” he asked. “At least as a way to lure people in, it always worked for me. Then you'd have a captive audience to preach to.”

Copia nearly leapt to his feet in excitement. Instead, he simply gripped the edges of his chair and pitched himself forward.

“What an idea!” Several others in the library looked round, disturbed by the noise. “You said you played guitar, correct?”

Swiss held his hands out in front of him to defuse his enthusiasm.

“I do, but you must understand we are very wary of humans right now.”

Copia deflated somewhat, but his face was one of understanding.

“Yes, of course. My apologies Rain,” he turned to smile at the water ghoul, half hidden behind Dew, who shrugged at him, “I would never force any one of you do anything against your will.”

As he was looking at Rain, he seemed to remember himself suddenly.

“Why, we haven't been properly introduced! I am Papa Emeritus the Fourth, leader of this Abbey and sanctuary, but you can call me Copia.”

Rain looked uncomfortable as he became the sudden focus of the man's attention, but he held a cautious hand out to shake.

“Rain.” He said, softly. Copia took it and smiled, softer now he had calmed down somewhat.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Rain. I am most thankful our Dewdrop was able to save you, and I hope your recovery is going smoothly.”

“Yes, thank you. Mist has been helping me.”

“Ah, Mist. With her in charge you will have no choice but to get better!” He laughed at his own joke.

Sensing Rain's discomfort, Dew surreptitiously snaked his tail out to twine around Rain's. The water ghoul's tightened back in return, glad of the comfort. Luckily, Copia's attention was soon diverted back to quizzing the more senior ghouls, and Rain could relax again.

Eventually, Copia seemed to run out of questions and the ghouls were able to make their escape. As they left, Dew made a point of walking alongside Aether.

“Hi Dew, have a good day?”

Dew nodded offhandedly; he was here to question Aether, not the other way around.

“Are you alright?” He asked, in his usual blunt fashion. “Swiss and Mount are clearly worried about you too, afraid you felt left out while they went to go flirt in the woods earlier.”

Aether wanted to point out that Dew had also run off for similar purposes, but refrained.

“I thought they were,” he sighed, “they don’t need to be though, I’ve had a really great day. Copia is a fascinating man, and I bumped into Astra from the infirmary earlier who offered me a position there.”

Dew raised an eyebrow: Aether truly did seem happy today.

“I could really see us settling down here.”

That really did shock Dew. He had assumed Aether and Mountain would have the most difficulty figuring out their place here, but they seemed to be finding their feet best of all. He smiled up at the quintessence ghoul.

“I’m glad, Aeth. Really.”

That dinnertime, they decided to brave the main dining hall for the first time. The ghoulettes led them along the maze of corridors, taking them into a large wood-panelled room with a giant fire burning in the grate. Finally they got a glimpse at how large the Abbey’s population actually was. There were about half a dozen humans, all sat together in one corner, with the rest of the long tables occupied by ghouls. A gentle hubbub filled the air, but it was by no means unpleasantly loud. Cumulus led them over to an empty table in the middle of the room, and gestured for them all to take a seat. Dinner would be served buffet style, she informed them, but only once the kitchen staff themselves were ready to eat. Mealtimes were taken seriously here and there would be nobody left hunting for leftovers at the end, especially if they had a hand in preparing it.

Spotting Astra across the room Aether waved hello, happy to see a friendly face amidst the sea of strangers. The meal was as chaotic as ever, maybe even more so with the overall good mood of the pack and ambient noise in the room, but nobody seemed too bothered.

The ghoulettes led them up to the serving hatch to help themselves to food. Dew happily sprinkled more dried chillies all over his, reaching out an urgent hand to stop Rain from automatically copying him.

“It’s chili,” he laughed as they sat back at the table, “the spicy plant, only these have been dried.”

Rain was unimpressed.

“How can you eat that?” He pulled a face, as Dew began shovelling the mountain of red-freckled food into his mouth. “It’s trying to hurt you!”

“I’m a big strong ghoul,” Dew grinned at him, “let it try.”

“Sure you are.” Rain purred, rolling his eyes and bumping Dew gently with his shoulder.

The ghouls made casual conversation the rest of the meal; Cirrus and Cumulus asking about their days, and Sunshine about their conversation with Copia.

“He really liked the music idea,” Swiss told her, “I don't know if it will go anywhere, but it could be fun.”

Sunny seemed vastly more enthusiastic than him, so he let her excitement buoy him along as they chattered with the others about it. While the ghouls were still highly sceptical about interacting with humans, their memories of nights in the tavern or just around their own farm with Swiss and his guitar were full of fondness.

Back in the Den, the ghoulettes diplomatically left the common room to the newcomers for the evening, knowing they had an important discussion to have: whether they wished to stay at the Abbey for any length of time, or move on. As they peeled off, Cirrus pointed out all the empty doors, telling the ghouls that all the remaining rooms were made up ready for them if they wished to separate at last.

The pack spilled into the common room, occupying the colourful collection of chairs. The hubbub of the conversation from the hallway soon died out and they looked at each other, unsure of where to start.

“So,” Mountain began eventually, jumping straight to the point, “are we staying for now?”

Aether broke the silence that followed the earth ghoul's words.

“I'd be in favour, yes.”

Rain nodded exuberantly, clutching onto Dew's arm with hopeful eyes.

“Yeah, same.” He chuckled, making Rain beam.

“Me too.” Mountain cast his own vote.

They all turned to look at Swiss.

“Sure,” he forced a smile and shrugged, before answering truthfully, “it's the best place for us as a pack.” He would find his place eventually, he figured, and he trusted Sunny's optimism. Besides, where else would he go? He didn't dislike it here, and Copia's plans sounded interesting. Really, he just wanted to be wherever his pack were happy, and if that was here, he figured he would be too, in time.

"So, it's settled then: we stay for a while and try to make a go of things here.” Aether looked around at his pack, the mixture that they were, with pride and hope. They had all come a long way; from the antisocial wanderers he and Mountain had been, to the frail and frightened ghouls Rain and Dewdrop had been when they arrived, they had become a real pack, as strong as family.

Like any family though, they still needed time to themselves, and Aether for one was itching to stretch out in a bed, alone. As much as he had loved their piles over the last few nights, the weeks of camping had taken their toll on his back. He stretched his arms above his head, his spine making a flurry of popping noises, and he knew when he stood his hips and knees would do the same.

“Bedtime?” suggested Mountain with a laugh, slapping his knees before staggering to his feet from the impossibly low armchair he had landed in earlier, like a baby deer learning to walk. The antlers really added to the mental image, though Dew with a snicker.

Back in the hallway, the ghouls looked at the doors in front of them, at a slight loss for what to do.

“The one next to mine looks pretty much the same, the ones opposite have bigger windows and a balcony.” Dew summarised, waiting to see which dithering ghoul chose which. Mountain shrugged and opened the door to the room he had showered in previously; the wooden panelling like in Dew's was perfect for protecting an earth ghoul's energy, especially in the winter. Aether did the same opening an opposite door, keen for the view of the sky the tall windows would provide and already imagining evenings sat watching the stars. That only left the rooms next to him for Rain and Swiss. The latter waved goodnight to the pack, and sent an additional smile towards Mountain directly opposite, leaving only the water ghoul who made no move to leave Dew's side.

“You good with the last one?” Dew asked, concerned he'd overlooked some crucial issue. Rain dug his claws into Dew's arm, tugging him towards the fire ghoul's plain door.

“Oh, you don't want your own?” Dew tried to colour his voice with concern, but was secretly delighted to keep the water ghoul close, and all to himself. Rain shook his head vehemently and tightened his grip.

“Ouch! Okay, I get it, roommates it is.” Dew laughed, and let himself be pulled into his own bedroom.

The pair did not stay there for long. Whether due to the nervous energy that buzzed around them at the realisation that they were truly alone for the first time, or just from the lingering excitement of the day, it was barely half an hour before the two ghouls were sneaking back out of the dormitory, giggling like kits. They ran hand in hand towards the lake, pulling each other along as the light of the waning moon gleamed off Dew's champagne hair, making it appear lit from within.

Their footsteps slapped lightly on the dock as they ran along it, heading for the spot where they had sat earlier, right at the end. Rain looked like he was debating leaping straight in, grabbing at the hem of his shirt, but thought better at the last minute and tested the temperature with his tail first.

“Fuck that's freezing!” he hissed. How did it feel so much colder now that it was nighttime? Dew giggled next to him, lying on his front instead to look down into the dark water. Rain joined him, their shoulders bumping together as Dew reached out a hand to swirl the dark liquid around. The moonlight reflected off every little ripple he made, spreading out in hypnotising circles.

Dew's mind drifted. He imagined them swimming alone in the lake, dressed only in darkness with the moon the sole witness to their pile of clothes laying abandoned on the dock. He could probably keep a patch of water around them warm, if they stuck close enough together...

Glancing at Rain, his blue-tinged skin glowing luminescent in the moonlight, he suddenly felt very exposed, and rolled onto his back to stare into the dark abyss of the sky. It wasn't empty though, he realised. The myriad pinpricks of light from stars competed for his attention with the moon that hung there, mocking his inaction with her beautiful kin laid next to him.

“It's almost unbelievable,” Dew mused, distracting himself as Rain rolled over to join him and maintain their closeness, “that the moon caused all of this. It looks so small up there.”

Rain followed his gaze and hummed in acknowledgement.

“I knew it controlled the tides, obviously, but I didn't think about it affecting ghouls too,” he agreed, “it seems almost obvious now Mist's pointed it out.”

“You didn't know at all?” Dew asked, surprised. Rain shook his head.

“I don't know why no one ever told me,” he sighed, “was it really obvious to everyone else, and I'm just stupid? Or was there some super-secret club for powerful water ghouls where they talked about all this, that I was left out of because they thought I was useless?”

“You're not useless,” Dew answered automatically, “I hadn't heard of anything like it either, it seems almost unbelievable.”

Rain hummed again, thinking about Dew being half water but with no knowledge of what that meant at all, not even a connection to the element to hold on to.

“Is it strange, having a part of you that you know nothing about?” he asked finally.

Dew thought for a moment about the half of him laying dormant before answering with a shrug.

“I guess. I don't know how else I'm supposed to feel about it, it's not like I've lost anything, y'know? I'm mostly a normal fire ghoul without it. It's always just been this tainted thing about me.”

It was so sad, thought Rain, that the thing that had drawn him to Dew in the first place – his faint familiarity – was something he saw as a negative, just a stain. He was sure the sorrow was clear on his face, as Dew's began to mirror it when their eyes met again.

“I'm still sorry, for taking my resentment about it out on you,” Dew continued, almost whispering now, “it felt like the universe was taunting me by presenting me with such a perfect water ghoul. Showing me something beautiful, but that only made me feel uglier inside like some sort of cruel joke.”

Rain made sympathetic noises, Dew having already apologised enough for his previous actions, until it suddenly dawned on him that Dew was describing him.

“What do you mean perfect? I'm as far from perfect as you could get, everyone in my clan thought I was a pathetic excuse for a water ghoul, even as a kit!”

Dew snorted; he'd never heard anything so silly.

“Look at you though, look at your pretty fins!” Dew gestured to Rain's arms, the lacy fins on his arms glowing a thousand shades of blue and rolled to point at his tail moving lazily through the water, leaving a bioluminescent trail in its wake.

“We all look like this!” Rain laughed, incredulous.

“Yeah, but I don't,” Dew sounded sad again, “all the water in me did was douse the fire some. The worst of both worlds.” He stared at Rain's tail some more, not wanting to meet his eyes. Sensing the beginnings of the familiar slide into self-pity, and not wanting to put a downer on their otherwise pleasant day, he forced himself to pull the topic back into lighter territory.

“Not to mention, that apparently it makes me smell like fish!” He reached out into the dark lake to splash Rain lightly, making the water ghoul squeal in shock at the cold. In retaliation, Rain fixed Dew with a wicked smile, and pulled a column of water up from the ripples below, making it arc menacingly over him.

“Okay, okay, I take it back!” Dew shrieked, not wanting a drenching in the icy water. “I can tell you your fins are pretty again, just please don't soak me!”

Rain carefully guided every drop back into the lake with a pleased trill. The tension utterly shattered once again; the pair sat giggling uncontrollably to themselves. Dew had to wonder if they were becoming slightly delirious; he couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed so much.

They finally regained their composure enough to continue talking, the atmosphere of openness that the dark night provided still surrounding them in her comforting arms.

“Do you have anything at all that links you to water?” Rain asked, curious. “Anything that links you to the moon?”

Dew thought hard. He definitely didn't have the true elemental magic, that followed what Mist had explained too, but he thought about any of his behaviours that had been seen as odd for a fire ghoul.

“I never noticed much,” he mused, “but I guess I like fish a lot more than the average fire ghoul? My clan never really ate it unless food was tight, and then we barbequed it beyond recognition anyway. They all preferred red meat. I don't know if that's a water ghoul thing though or not.”

“Swiss likes fish too?” Rain thought out loud. “Maybe that's also his water element.”

“Maybe the three of us just have more refined palates.” Dew laughed.

A comfortable silence fell again.

“Can you swim?” Rain asked after a while. He realised he'd never actually seen Dew swim, only bob around with his feet on the ground.

“Not properly,” Dew shook his head, “I never learned as a kit, and I just got by without knowing until now.” He met Rain's gaze with shy eyes. “Could you teach me?”

The water ghoul positively beamed at him.

Eventually, the two ghouls found themselves in their earlier position, lying back on the pier and watching the celestial bodies above. Out here in the stillness of the night, the gentle noises of nature were reassuringly constant. Everything felt just a little bit easier, Rain thought, when the sounds of the world carried on regardless of his actions. Nothing he could say would stop the humming of the insects of the periodic hooting of the owls, no matter how monumental it sounded to his ears. The moon shone down at him, imploring him to tell Dew his final secret under her protective gaze.

“It wasn’t just the moon, that day.” He said finally, eyes fixed on her glowing shape in the heavens, so as to not have to meet those of the fire ghoul beside him. Rain could feel Dew’s stare boring into the side of his face, unsure of both where the conversation was going, and where it had come from. He kept looking up, lest he lose his nerve.

“I told you about the ghoulette from my home clan, remember?” Rain felt, rather than saw, Dew nodding next to him. “I’ve been having nightmares about her, ever since I left. They’re usually pretty similar, just variations of her calling me useless, pathetic, that sort of thing.”

“Was that what the nightmare the other day was about?” Asked Dew sadly, unable to stop himself.

Rain debated how to answer. ‘No more lies’ he reminded himself.

“Sort of. She was in it, but that dream was different,” he continued quickly, before Dew could ask a follow up question, “the important one is the nightmare I had that morning.” Rain took a deep, shuddering breath, determined to get the words out fully. “The morning I killed three people.” His tongue felt like lead as he spoke.

Dew reached out a comforting hand, and Rain gripped it like a lifeline before continuing, his eyes still fixed forward.

“It was the same as most of my nightmares usually went; she called me useless, the fire ghoul next to her laughed, I woke up. Only that morning, I couldn’t shake it off like normal. She was in the back of my mind from the moment I woke up. Then when I got to the farm, it was like I was seeing a ghost.”

Rain tore his eyes away from the moon to look at Dew, and wished he hadn’t when he saw the deeply earnest expression on his face.

“Wait, do you remember the girl I–” Rain tried not to choke on the word this time, “killed?”

Dew shook his head. “Not really. I remember Farmer Wilkens had a daughter, but I couldn’t recall her face.”

Rain laughed wryly, but there was no humour in his tone as he focussed back on the moon above.

“She was the spitting image of her. It was like I’d been transported back in time to when I was an adolescent, like I was looking at the version of her who’d said she loved me, rather than the version in my dream who said no one ever would.”

He felt the squeezing round his hand grow tighter, grounding him.

“Seeing someone who looked so much like her from back then, combined with the nightmare still in my head, I panicked, and then I couldn’t stop the magic flowing through me.”

Rain could feel hot tears running down into his hairline, unbidden. Recounting the event like this, dwelling on how he had felt, how he had hurt. However it also felt cathartic, like by telling Dew, the moon and the whole night sky, he could begin to ask the universe for forgiveness, or at least understanding.

“I just wanted her to stop,” he cried, sobbing now, “I just wanted her to be quiet, to leave me alone and get out of my head. Then I saw that poor girl, and I couldn’t stop it coming out! The water just wouldn’t stop, and it was going straight for her.” Rain’s whole body shuddered in horror at the recollection of how the unstoppable tidal wave of his power had felt; how he’d seen the girl’s painfully familiar face and lashed out, desperate to make his endless night time suffering end.

“I saw her get dragged away by the flood,” he gasped between stuttered breaths, “I couldn’t stop it and I killed her!”

He’d seen her body crumple to the floor as the water released her, finally seeing her as the true innocent stranger she was. As the life left her fragile body, the light behind the eyes of the ghoulette who lurked in his mind and haunted his dreams faded too. Rain let himself be pulled into Dew and comforted as his cries of guilt and grief wracked his body.

Dew had tried as hard as he could to hold his tongue while Rain spoke, seeing how much pain he was putting himself through. He could tell how important it was to Rain that he got the words out however, so he tried to provide all the unspoken comfort he could. When Rain finished, he wasted no time in clutching the water ghoul close and letting him sob for as long as he needed. What he had gone through that morning was even more traumatic than he could have imagined; Dew couldn’t even begin to picture how much guilt he must have been holding on to. No wonder he had appeared to lose his mind in the aftermath, he thought. Rain’s constant and recurring need to blame himself made sense too, given the harrowing circumstances.

When Rain appeared to have run out of tears to cry, simply shaking in his arms, Dew shuffled even closer, nuzzling his way into getting his head onto Rain’s chest. He didn’t know what to say, but it seemed he didn’t need to; Rain’s reaction to his closeness clearly showed it was enough for him to just be there for him. The peace was much-needed, it seemed, and Dew was happy to provide.

They could have stayed that way for minutes or hours, it was anyone’s guess. Long past the time Rain had stopped quivering, past the time Dew’s leg had begun spasming with disuse, until the water ghoul started shivering from the cold instead. Dew heated himself up and happily let Rain hold him closer for warmth, like a sentient hot water bottle. Eventually, it wasn’t enough however.

“Do you want to go back inside?” Dew asked in a whisper, twisting to raise his chin and look at Rain for a response, but not fully lifting his head from his chest.

Rain nodded, and released Dew to scramble to his feet where he held out a hand to help the water ghoul up too. He kept hold of it the whole walk back to the Abbey, needing to feel the closeness after the raw emotion of baring his soul. He only released him once they had tiptoed back into the Den, with the bedroom door closed behind them as they went to change into pyjamas.

The pair both blushed deeply with their backs to each other as they stripped, and stumbled into their sleep clothes. Dew turned around as soon as he was finished to see Rain stood with clearly no intention of putting a shirt on over his sensitive exposed gills. He thanked whatever deity was listening for the dim light of the fireplace as they climbed into his – or he supposed it was now their – bed, grateful that the deep flush on his cheeks was camouflaged by it. Letting Rain manhandle him back into the position they were at down on the dock with Dew halfway on top of the him, the two ghouls slipped very swiftly into sleep. It had been a busier evening than either had anticipated, with far more vulnerability from the water ghoul than Dew had been expecting given their light-hearted joking just before. He supposed it was all things Rain had needed to say, and he could only hope that it would help keep the nightmares from continuing to torment him. For good measure, he wrapped his arms tighter around Rain’s torso: no bad dreams were getting past him if he could help it.

Next door, two of their packmates were in a very similar position.

Swiss had gotten ready for bed in the cold, empty expanse of the unoccupied room that was now supposedly his, every move he made echoing loudly off the bare walls. His footsteps sounded like a giant thudding around, and he couldn’t help but wonder if the whole hallway could hear him. Laying in the nest he had tried so valiantly to build, he felt a bone-chilling cold despite his limited fire power heating the blankets around him, and the fire burning in the hearth. He stared at the high ceiling, and tried to distract himself from the feeling of the stone walls closing in on him. They reminded him of Rain’s jail cell, and left him half-paralysed in fear.

Eventually he could bear it no longer; the wind racing past the tall windows was beginning to sound like screams in his ears, the yells of the bloodthirsty mob from the village, and he bolted from the room. He paused outside Mountain’s door, unsure if he could just burst in on the earth ghoul. What if he was asleep? Calmer now that he was out of the room, he considered his alternatives: going back wasn’t an option, he could barely stand to be in there for another minute, let alone sleep a whole night there. Aether had a similar room to his, and no amount of company would make him feel comfortable in the veritable stone prison. Besides, the quintessence ghoul desperately needed more sleep and he wasn’t going to take that away from him over a mere sleeping arrangement issue. There was no way in Hell he was going to disturb Rain and Dewdrop, and he couldn’t just stay in the hallway in his sleep pants, leaving him with no other option.

Quietly he pushed open the emerald green door. Maybe Mountain would be asleep and he wouldn’t even have to explain himself – he could make that a problem for Morning-Swiss. That plan was immediately foiled however at the sight of the earth ghoul staring straight at him, two green eyes glinting in the darkness and the dim firelight flickering on his unglamoured antlers.

“Hey Mount.” he whispered softly, apologetic.

“Can’t sleep?” rumbled Mountain, a sleepy smile on his face.

“How’d you know I don’t just want a cuddle?” Swiss tried to joke, but his voice rang hollow to both of them.

Mountain, however, very much liked the sound of a cuddle, especially with how haunted Swiss was looking as he spoke now. He hadn’t been able to sleep either yet; against all of his prior experience, he was missing the company of his pack. Especially one packmate.

“C’mon,” Mountain hummed, beckoning Swiss forward, “bedtime.”

He pulled the multi ghoul tight to his chest, resting his chin on Swiss’ piled up hair.

“Is this okay?” Swiss whispered into the dark. The room here was so much more comforting already with it wooden interior, although he suspected his specific company helped.

“Course it is, Snapdragon.”

A short while later, the room was reverberating quietly with the sound of their harmonising purrs as they fell into a sound sleep.

Across the hall, Aether was also just drifting off to sleep. He had sat up for a while, wrapped in a heavy blanket and watching the stars from his balcony. The constellations above were familiar: the same unwavering cast of characters telling the same stories they had told for millennia. It made the multitude of changes that had occurred recently easier, knowing that some things remained totally static in the world.

The quiet in his room was blissful; he felt bad thinking it, but it was nice to have a moment of peace to himself. He loved his pack mates, more than anything, but his brain needed the alone time to decompress sometimes. The calm stillness of the room welcomed him, absorbing the loudest of the thoughts that rattled around inside his head like marbles in a jar.

Back in bed, he let the gentle rushing of the wind around the corners of the building lull him into a deep sleep.

[storyspinner91]

Twenty Fanfic Writer Questions

Tagged by @littleblackraincloudofcourse

Tagging @lowkeyed1 @evodevo-geekmonkey @dianels @bisexualshakespeare @spybrarian @blackdalek

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 

7 (3 are WiP)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 

186,452

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Willow! ...Technically other things too but really it's just Willow with playful skins.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Red Embers: dark alternate future AU, resistance fighters against the Wyrm's tyranny, grim & gritty

Like Constellations, a Million Years Away: sprawling mecha sci-fi AU set in the world of the Lancer tabletop roleplaying game. The Questies all pilot giant mechs; four books (2 done), one focused on each of Jade, Kit, Graydon, and Elora (in that order). Posthumanism, anticolonial to the extent a fanfic can be, utopian, dramatic.

Soft Blazing Crowns: Tanthamoretober one-shot. Modern AU. Elora helps Jade with a sexy photoshoot for a gift for Kit.

Full: (E-rated) Tanthamoretober one-shot. Modern AU. Straight-up smut drabble, 100 words on the dot. Extremely funny to me that this is in the top 5. :P

The Loving Hurt: Canon-set one-shot digging into the violence implied by the canon against the Bone Reavers, Scorpia's backstory, how Jade got her name. Dark, grim, not pleasant to write and in some ways probably not to read TBH. I was in A Mood!

5. Do you respond to comments?

Religiously! Sometimes it takes me a while, but I do.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

Hmmm. I mean I think it's gotta be The Loving Hurt. Like I said. Dark. Blame the show's writers, I do. :P

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

Gonna resist the temptation to say Full and instead say I think that it'll probably be Flawless Five vol. 1 when it's finished in a few weeks!

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

Not so far!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

The only thing I'd consider smut is Full. Otherwise, not anywhere that you can see. ;)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? 

No true crossovers, though Like Constellations is set (loosely) in the Lancer Universe.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so! They're too weird!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

No but I'd be so honored.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Nope!

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I am a Tanthamore diehard, what can I say.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 

If you'd asked me recently I'd probably have said "all of them." Fortunately I'm feeling a little better lately! I hope to finish all of the current ones; Constellations is a slow, weighty project, F5 I hope to have done very shortly, Embers...we'll figure that out after F5.

16. What are your writing strengths? 

I think I'm pretty good at dialogue, and I'm decent though not incredible at humor (especially character-based humor). I'm also a decent mimic - though this can feel a little clunky sometimes, I think I'm able to adjust my voice pretty easily to suit a situation, genre, or style. My unhinged and unpopular fic Excerpts from a new translation... is a pretty good example of that, lol. And on that note: I have a lot of fun with wacky metatextual stuff.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Taking the wacky meta stuff too far; not being bold enough in straying from the established character arcs/plots in canon; I don't think I'm great at writing really juicy interiority. Starting very large projects that will take forever to finish. ':)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I'm comfortable enough in Spanish to write simple dialogue in that language. I've done one line in Latin (which I'm comfortable with since it's functionally a dead language) and made up some words in a conlang for Constellations. Wouldn't try anything via Google Translate though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Willow! At least if we count conscious fanfiction. If we're going back to the Days of Yore probably Animorphs when I was a wee one.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? 

Difficult to pick...but Like Constellations is the baby, the one I'll finish come hell or high water (I hope). On the other hand, Flawless Five is probably the most fun (to write, and maybe to read if you like that sort of thing) and Red Embers is the one that in many ways I find most exciting. Like I said - hard to choose!

[nostradamus0]

17-18-19 pls! :D

oooh thank you! :)

these ones are a bit tricky since i've only actually posted one fic (and it's woefully unfinished) this year, because i've been super busy writing things that i never finish, so i'm going to interpret this liberally and include things i haven't technically finished yet, but are at least 50% written.

my favorite opening line that i've written this year! oof, i have no idea. after some pondering, i think it might be:

It has always been that 108 Mifflin Street is Henry’s home, and never truly felt like hers until he was there with her, scattering his toys across the living room and the plastic baby plates and bowls across the counter. Filling the bookshelves with board games and comic books, and covering the walls with the first photographs Regina had ever owned or taken. She learned to use a camera to capture his smile.

but i'm also incredibly fond of the first line in a very in-progress follow-up to a oneshot i wrote for supercorptober like, 2 years ago lol

Lena meets her son in the middle of the night on the last day of August, with flowers growing from her palms and the smell of house-fire smoke hanging heavy in the air. He’s four years old and terribly alone, and there’s drywall dust and white ash clinging to his hair like snow.

favorite ending line might be even harder, oh no. a lot of my favorite "ending" lines are technically the end of a fic, but they end sections or chapters, so they're kinda-but-not-totally ending lines if that makes sense? hmmmmmmm.

i really like this line that ends the first section of desire as round as peaches bloom in me all night:

(And if she’s fallen a little in love with Meredith, somewhere along the telephone wires between Seattle and L.A., well. It hardly matters now.)

but also this line from the sequel/alt. pov fic i've been writing to your voice is the splinter inside me:

This is the moment she knows there are memories she has lost. It feels like only moments ago that she watched that horrible yellow bug drive across the town line with the only people in the world who gave a damn about her, who trusted and believed there was something good in her heart. Purple smoke, crackling with magic, had swallowed the sky, and they were gone. After that, Regina can remember nothing but crushing grief.

for my favorite piece of dialogue, i almost chose a line from my recent meddison fic that i really like, but instead i have to go with this scene from the yvitsim sequel:

Regina hates that she cannot remember changing. But she knows she has, if only because Snow shows up, unannounced and uninvited, and rather than incinerate her on the spot, Regina puts the kettle on the stove and doesn’t insult her god-awful pastel sweater. She busies herself with readying two mugs while Snow sits at the counter and taps her fingers on the marble.  Eventually, Snow sighs, and after taking a long sip of the tea Regina offers her, she asks: “Do you think it’s odd that Emma and Henry are staying at Granny’s? There’s plenty of room at the loft.” There is not plenty of room at the loft, Regina thinks, but does not say. It has also occurred to her as odd, that Emma would prefer a sub-par bed and breakfast over her parents house, but felt it was none of her business, and kept her mouth shut. But now she looks at Snow, at the large swell of her belly and the hand she always seems to have resting there, and it doesn’t seem so odd anymore. Regina sighs. “Give her time, Snow,” she says simply, leaning against the counter. “She’s adjusting.” “Adjusting to what?” Snow asks, looking confused, and gods, Regina thinks. How can a fully cognizant adult be so oblivious? “You’re eight months pregnant, Snow,” she deadpans. Snow’s shoulders drop, and the expression on her face turns heavy and sad. For a moment, Regina fears Snow will start crying, and that she’ll have to do something truly horrifying like comfort her. Undo it undo it undo it her brain shouts at her, almost panicky.  “He kicks. In his sleep, Henry kicks,” she blurts out rather awkwardly. “Emma’s probably trying to avoid sharing a bed with him at the loft.” Snow smiles sadly at her, like she doesn’t believe a word of it, but appreciates the gesture nonetheless. Regina, suddenly incredibly uncomfortable, skin crawling with old, unwanted instincts to lash out, clears her throat and busies her hands with mixing her cup of tea.

this was VERY difficult, but very fun. thank you for the ask! :)

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

I disagree with your take that Rachel is out of character in the last few books. I think her experiences in 48 show her just how much the team needs her to be that girl, and so as things get more serious she starts leaning into that more and more so they can ALL do what they need to do.

And yes, she really needed one more book

So, my frustration is with how Rachel's written in #52, and how she's not written in #49, #50, and #51.

Rachel can be violent, and even brutal. She often refuses to stop when Jake calls a retreat, which in #41 and #7 puts the whole team in danger. HOWEVER. She stops fighting as soon as she's neutralized her enemies in #17 and #24. She cares a lot about protecting the helpless — Melissa, Tobias, random hosts in #17, the kid in the crocodile pit — to the point where she looks for a way not to hurt unhosted yeerks in #6 and MM3. Taylor is a foil for Rachel because Taylor only hurts those who are weaker than her and runs from a fair fight; Rachel only hurts those who are stronger than her and doesn't back down when outnumbered. Rachel's devastated to have even an indirect role in a civilian death in #37: that guy couldn't have hurt her.

But in #52, Rachel tries to kill a group of civilians because they're in her way. And she only stops because "an order from Jake" is the thing that controls her. She kills a controller who had already surrendered. Ax describes her as "a monster." This could all be a bad day or her not coping with the loss of her dad, but #49 and #50 and #51 all feature mini-teams she's not on, so it's impossible to say. One book later, when she's expressing sympathy for Tom even as she's threatening to "crack open his skull" to get to her real enemy (#53) — that feels more like the Rachel we know.

Throw in Tobias's weird apathy toward Rachel (seriously, he barely mentions her #49 - #53) and Rachel's weird apathy toward Jake hurting Cassie, and she feels forgotten except as an object lesson. I think even #52 could work if we got a book from Rachel's POV that explains her going off the rails the way #53 does for Jake, but that's not what we have.