#ThingsILeftUnsaid

[arcanes-things]

THING I LEFT UNSAID-IV

21.09.2024

The day spent busy, but when the night rolls around, when I am alone with my lone company. I often wonder about him. The possibilities just a "Yes" could unlock...

Against my very intention, I end up dreaming. What I could do for him, and everything, I would overcome just because he said so... but I lay on my bed lonely in my dorms with nothing but my imagination. Keeping me company.

Snuggling into my fluffy blanket, as I feel guilty, it would be rather unfair to him than it is to me. Because I fell for him alone. And that I am too cowardly to reach out.

but one day, I would reach out. I would confess everything I have felt for him. Then brace myself to be left lonesome again. Because I find ways to forget it than to face it. It's peaceful enough to enjoy but lonely enough to regret my past decisions.

[whatsername-x]

hey you.

i want to tell you how beautiful you are and how i find myself always wondering about how you're doing lately and if you're smiling today. what makes you happy and whats making you sad all the time. what do you want to talk about. what you have been doing and what youve always wanted to do but have yet to. what you never told anyone but wish you could someday. what goes through that beautiful mind of yours. i want to know. i want to know you. i want to read you like a book. im curious about you and i care about you. i hope you're doing well out there, smiling and mean it. till we cross paths again, mate. i just hope you know that if you need a friend, im always here.

[glitterchode]

I sincerely wish I could look back on our relationship and be happy that it happened but also realize it was just high school. But you've tainted all the memories for me, making everything essentially one big, fat lie. I was going through a lot of shit with my family, my future, and trying to weed out the people I didn't need to call my friends. You were the one sporadic thing that gave me such immense joy in the fleeting moments we spent together. What I felt for you was real and I trust that somewhere inside of you, you felt something too. When it was over, I looked at all the good and wished that I had done anything differently to have ended up with you. Then, I was angry and only looked back on the things you did wrong and questioned why I would even want to be with someone who can't even admit to himself how he really feels. Now when I look back, I picture it all. And while I'm glad we did not end up together, I still like to think about the genuinely sweet moments we shared. I just wish you would have been honest. It sure as hell would have saved me some unnecessary hurt and we could have gone out of it all with no hard feelings. I forgive you, but please don't fuck with someone's heart the way you did with mine.

[arcanes-things]

THINGS I LEFT UNSAID-III

21.09.2024

During Microeconomics class, Mam said something along the lines, "Specializing in everything is impossible."

Everything is possible, as long as you have the wish, resources, and willpower to do so.

And 'everything' in my terms is also a hypothetical term in my head and views, everything means the things that I put importance in.

It is very true when people say time is money. In my view, 'everything' is hypothetical. This world is the basis of a big assumption. With assumption things come into existence, with assumption things seize from existence.

[arcanes-things]

THINGS I LEFT UNSAID-I

16.05.2024,

"What is your deepest darkest fear?" He asked as he sunk back into the mattress with sleep taking over him, as the question lay unanswered as he drifted into a deep slumber...

Leaving me wondering what could be the possible answer to this crucial question,

'what am I afraid of?' Fear of heights? Fear of losing a loved one? or could it lie in the deepest corner of my heart? I wanted to get noticed by my own parents growing up, Oldest kid in the family, so everyone raised me except my own parents did? Somehow I could grab everyone's attention, but why were they both unfazed?

So from then till now, all I have ever sought for is attention... Scared to disappoint them, I guess? Scared of being considered a nuisance and a waste of space. All those exterior fears don't matter in front of what actually lies deep down what makes me, me... But would I share this with him?

Only Time will tell... Time doesn't heal, it helps us learn how to live with it...

[arcanes-things]

THINGS i LEFT UNSAID- VII

30.10.2024,

Walking alone in the dark...

Broken into million pieces threatening to fall apart...

I found someone who loved me and my broken ruins,

I clutched to him closer, not knowing I am turning him into ruins...

Now, I see him covered in blood, with pieces of me stuck in him like broken glass, him in tears, endless series of pain and despair...

Hopes buried 6ft under, Is it too far to continue? The more I move, the deeper it digs...

Or is this love not worth the curse...?

[arcanes-things]

Things I Left Unsaid - VI

11. 10. 2024

Yes, i do have feelings for you. But I know my boundaries. So please... Just let me admire you from afar, hug you through my words, flirt with you just so that you wouldn't think that I am avoiding you, or eyeing you wierdly. Just reigniting a part of me that I never thought is capable enough to exist.

So please, let shower you with love, from afar... Till these feelings go away.

Those eyes, that light reflecting through it, so raw when you are listening, your voice that holds patience, your shifty behavior, sincerity to your academics, how your name sounds... Everything, indeed a butterfly... Butterfly never really held that much meaning for me. Until I used it one day to describe you...

I wish I wasn't much of a coward to own up to you... But then again... How much do I even know about love?

[arcanes-things]

THINGS I LEFT UNSAID- V

09-10-2024

"I hate you!!!" "I hate you, I hate your very existence. I hate the way you snicker after making fun of me. I hate how you envy me. I hate how you belittle me, I hate how you said 'Be careful, the way you break your watches and your phone, your husband will break your marriage.' It wasn't funny, no one laughed. I hate how you thought it was ok for you to say that. I hate you. I hate the very air you breathe."

These were the words that I wanted to say to you. But I held my peace. I watched you suffer, I watched as you suffered your very own personal hell, that was custom-made for you, by you. But even till then, I was too blind to call you a friend. The betrayal hit and everything made sense once we broke apart. That is when we drifted apart because you got upset over a matter that was child's play. But now you suffer your own demise. I won't call myself a saint, for I have equally sinned. But in the days when I look back at every action you took and every word you said, it makes my blood boil making me wish that, time had turned back and I had said these words out loud…

" That we are nothing close to friends. We came together because of convenience. Where I took it as a genuine bond, you looked at it for your own gain. How could you be so cheap? How could you be so unhappy? You wronged me in every step of life, you became the core reason why I hate the way I smile, and I hate the way I act, I am afraid to be me. The reason that I lost my spark. Never have I ever, wished for anyone's demise, but for you, if I have to be banished to the depth of hell for asking it, I would willingly burn in hell. But as long as you are burning deeper than I am. I am happy with it. "

Evil much? I don't know. Because there hasn't been a person who has damaged me as you have done to me before. So, now that you are still suffering, I have matured enough to let it go. Thanks to you, I am now flourishing and becoming a better person. I still hate you though, I have cut you off from my life, but still, there is another one, the 3rd member of the trio that I have kept in contact with, just so I know you would see it, and be jealous again. And I will laugh at you again. When I am happy with my life, that's where you belong, behind my back. You are a coward to never come in front…

[arcanes-things]

THINGS I LEFT UNSAID-II

16.05.2024

"Sis? What is love?" My little sister sat smug as the question lingered and the void filled the atmosphere of my room with an air of gloominess.

That day I sat beneath the moonlight thinking about what love is... Since it is way out of my bounds to describe what love could be. Some described it as the secret of their success, of how beautiful it could be, and how it makes a person become the best version of themselves, and how it breaks a person into something unsaid.

Be it staring at the guy on the first bench, or staring at him when our friend group bustles with excitement, admiring how much he makes me feel at ease and yet so nervous... Or just giving my mom a big hug, appreciating what she has been through for me... Or just sitting and admiring the moon...

Even though love has brought us so many tales to tell... Still, Love can be scary... Scary enough to cause chaos.

So, do I have an answer to that lingering question? No... Since I lack the experience of love so true that even the moon is the witness to... Rest are the things I can't yet comprehend...