#They're the mean girls I'd want to look like but would cry if I sat with them HAHAHA

[waterfallswords]

;

"Ha, and at least Henrik is adorable so it wasn't all for nothing. She needs a medal, I think." Seraphina remarks but there is a twinge of sadness on her cousin's behalf. Even if a Sinclair and a Ranstromen in one another's vicinity tends to create a sort of vacuumy void...if she was ever going to find a word for it. Rolling her eyes, Seraphina scoffs loudly. "You're allowed to say it but I'd rather not look at my mom and think about how all my friends want to take her to bed." she laughs with a slightly disgusted expression. The Sinclair then tips her glass with a hum of agreement to Tavi's statement, nodding. "Exactly, if the cabs don't get you the people will."

Seraphina's gaze sweeps over the security, and then the others dotted in the corner. Their presence is both comforting and a quick reminder about everything the institute has faced over the past few months. "Well, as long as they can fight and fuck then they're more than welcome to stay here from wherever the Hell I heard they were from. Alabama." she shrugs before her expression lifts with sheer amusement to Tavi, giving her friend a soft little tap on the arm. "Okay, Hannah. I'm looking forward to it. Oh! Maybe we could find a dive bar and convince them all we're twins from Russia. Love that bit." Seraphina cackles then. "Sasha and Samara. Miss those bitches." her sigh cuts off into a slight scoff at the mention of Jet, and Seraphina can't even fight the roll of her eyes. "Tavs, babe, I mean it. It's off for good. I know no one believes me but you'll all see for yourselves." the witch bops her head smugly and surely. "I started to just throw a Russian novel at him when he's being annoying, he's quiet for days. Only downside is he wallows once he's finished it, but small price to pay for the days of silence."

Naturally, Seraphina taps her clutch to ensure her raffle slips haven't flown away into the night as she nods to Tavi. "I thought Tarqi wasn't going to be here tonight but I saw him suddenly, unless I'm going mad. Makes me laugh the way he just pops up, should try and bid and get it as a welcome home gift." Seraphina chuckles before agreeing entirely about Tavi's assistants, giving a slight urgh under her breath. "Don't know how you cope with them, really. First the cat and now a birthday? What do they want next? A nose job on expenses? Well, might actually be best if you do foot the bill for that, think of it as helping your image in the process." her laugh bubbles up in a quick spiteful note before it subsides into a hum. "I love your mom, now that I think about it. Never a dull moment when Pippa is about. Maybe we should mom-swap."

Tavi snorts, "well, he's seen at least one. Good on Thea for getting out while she could." The witch commends Seraphina's cousin, "but even I can't deny that Mari Sinclair is a specimen of a woman, Phina." She smirks, teasing her friend before rubbing her arm. "Fine, I won't. I'm just saying. She's quite fit." She avoids another whack, sidestepping with a shit-eating grin before it tapers off a bit. Her gaze bounces around the room, clocking the various security guards and assuming more are in the crowds. "As safe as anyone can be in New York anyway." She shrugs, irreverent because there are a dozen bad things that can happen to any one person walking the city streets.

Her gaze settles on the blondes and she snickers. "I tend avoid blondes but...you're right. They're not half bad to look at." Even if the one was waving his hands wildly. She returns her attention to Seraphina and nods. "Wonderful. Montana in the spring is actually quite lovely. You didn't hear it from me, though." Tavi grins, "You're going to look amazing. He'll eat his heart out." Because if there's anything about an on-again-off-again relationship, Tavi knows, it's that there's always an on after the off has lasted long enough. "She grounds him I think," she nods, a grin forming at the mention of Felix being hexed. "Honestly, if she can make Felix tolerable, she should turn that hex into a potion. Would sell lock hot cakes at the Fray."

Tavi snickers as her gaze travels to the talking dog in question. "I think that you'd have some steep competition. I heard Kieran saying he's getting it for Quinny, and Owen that he's getting it for Nate. What thoughtful brothers. Maybe I should try to get it for Tarqi," she laughs before chewing the inside of her cheek. "Not really. I bought some raffle tickets for the cause. Thought I might give it to my assistants for their birthdays. Super inconvenient they're both in May, and both want to take off. But," she shrugs, "what can I say? I'm a good boss." She'll stand by it too. "Oh lord. You're right. Completely cake pop." Her mum seems unfazed by the blond talking and gesturing at the vase. "I'm sure mum's got it handled. She did warn people not to touch." Tavi says, finishing her champagne.

[chemical-killjoy]

You Decide

Platonic Jinx x Reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: none

Summary: Y/N is betrayed by someone close to them, but luckily Jinx is there to help

Word Count: 1k

A/N: This is more of a drabble cause it's short, but anyway. I'm hyperfixating on arcane, so any requests (or rants lol) just let me know!

Despite all the clouds, and the dark buildings surrounding you, it was a bright night, the city lights brightening the clouds... Or maybe that was just the lightning. It was as though the sky felt the same betrayal you did. Your anger. The thunder. Your tears. The rain. You fell to your knees, screaming pointlessly in pain. Punches landed on the pavement, and blood mixed with water on the cement. Tears mixed with rain, and emotions clouded your mind.

The voices were loud. Too loud. The storm over your head was nothing compared to the one in your mind. Echoes of the words spoken. Aches of the ones that were never said; and never would be.

You couldn't believe what had happened. The betrayal struck you like lightning; unexpected and full of electricity burning you to your core. Now you were bent over, crying, bleeding, howling. You knew the numbness would come later. The plastic band-aid would cover the dirty bullet hole as though it was a mere scrape; you'd tell yourself it happened to someone else. Not you. You cannot be hurt, you're strong. Well, this version of you. You'd tell yourself it didn't hurt. It didn't matter. And you'd change... but that would come later.

Now was the time for screaming into the sky, seeing blood, tinged red with rage, and blue, the colour water and the misery.

You sobbed, doubled over as though punched in the gut, heaving. The reflection of the broken person in the puddle was someone you didn't recognise. Someone you didn't acknowledge. The numbness was about to take over; and with it, your dark resolve, when the image in the puddle was shaken and replaced but the metal tip of a boot.

You looked up to see a familiar face; Jinx.

The girl bobbed down, and looked at you with wide, curious eyes, head tilted. You held eyes with her, unwavering, until your mouth betrayed you with a quivering lip. You looked away and a sob escaped you.

“She did it.”

The words were small as they came out, so quiet you could barely hear them yourself. Jinx's eyes flickered over you, down and back up, assessing. Then the stoic face cracked. Now was not the time for explosions and manic laughter; there was plenty of that today. Without thought, Jinx dived on you, knocking you harshly against the pavement in a brutal but well-meaning hug.

And you broke down.

It was too much. The betrayal. The hurt. Doing... well. Words couldn't even explain what they did. It hurt too much. You sobbed into Jinx's arms as she held you still, comforting you without knowing how. All she could do was cling on and mutter to herself.

“How dare she.” “We'll make them pay.” “I have just the thing for them, toots!” all came tumbling from Jinx's mouth. The last one caught your attention.

“Jinx. No.”

“But they hurt you. They're gonna pay.” you felt the hatred tinge her voice. “No one hurts you. 'cept maybe me. But you'd forgive me, right? You always do.” This time her tone was soft, fragile.

“'Course I'd forgive you. You never hurt me purposely, like I'd never hurt you knowingly.” you spoke gently, though confused as to how the conversation changed. But when Jinx spoke again you understood her point.

“Yeah. Sooo,”

“Just, just let me think before you go blow them up, kay?”

You looked into her eyes and saw she was fighting herself. But then she nodded. Jinx sat up so abruptly the air suddenly filling your lungs made you choke.

“C'mon, I didn't squeeze ya that hard.” The blue haired girl chuckled, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her head. “Grounded ya though, right?”

You realised you weren't numb anymore. You weren't spiralling. A half smile gave Jinx the answer she wanted. You sat up, pointlessly wiping a tear as the rain splashed around you.

“Can I- can I maybe stay wi-” you started to ask Jinx if you could stay with her that night. You both knew neither of you were safe to be left alone after the events that happened a mere half hour ago.

“I'm not leaving you.” Jinx stated fiercely, and you looked up at where she was standing. “I'm not like them. I'm not abandoning you. You're not alone.“You've got me! And all my friends!” Her eyes lit up as she tapped the gun strapped to her back, tone changing fast as always, only able to be serious a moment, but her care for you never changing.

It was chaotic, but what you needed to hear. That you're not alone.

But it wasn't enough.

“Yeah.”

You looked around the alley you were in, rain dripping from your hair down your face, dropping into your lap. You looked down.

“Jinx?” your voice was soft, timid. The weakness in it scared you, but you felt you had no strength left.

“What's up, toots?”

“I... uh... I dunno... Who...”

“Spit it out, we don't have all day.”

“Who am I without them?”

You weren't expecting the words to strike such a cord within Jinx, but for a moment the chaos of her stopped. She was just Jinx again, the loose cannon in the background. Your favourite Jinx.

Jinx's boots landed with a heavy thud as she walked slowly back over to you. As she knelt down, you saw a seriousness in her eyes that you'd never seen before. She brushed some damp hair back from your face, and lifted your head by your chin to meet her eyes.

“You decide.”

She stood up, and offered you her hand.

“You show 'em. Show 'em who you are, what you're capable of. That you're not their lil toy to be played.”

Jinx looked into the distance for a moment.

“We'll show them all.”

When Jinx looked back at you, memories staining her eyes, you knew what she meant. Who she was thinking of. You felt something in your heart change, and you took her hand and rose to your feet.

You'd had enough of being abandoned. Betrayed. Left out to cry in the rain. Left to die. You felt you'd always understood Silco and Jinx. But it wasn't til this moment that you really understood. And Jinx would be there to help you rummage around the wreckage to find the version of yourself you needed. Maybe you'd heal. But for now, you'd survive.

Taglist: @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @smiling-girl (idk if you wanna be tagged or not, but ily and you're my bestie so you get tagged away hehe) (same with you @charlie-rulerofhell) @fandomfoodiedancer

[writinginatree]

Withered Daisies

Relationship(s): John Wick & daughter!reader, Helen Wick & daughter!reader, background John Wick/Helen Wick

Summary: Wick!reader doesn't take it well when Helen's sickness gets worse.

Warnings: Angst, terminal illness, allusions to character death

"What did the doctor say?" you asked, sitting down on the edge of Helen's hospital bed. Even after hours of waiting while the doctors examined Helen, you were still pale-faced and trembling from the shock of seeing her collapse like she had. That she was sick wasn't news, but John thought the reality of how serious it was hadn't quite set in for you until tonight. "How long until you can come home?"

John and Helen shared a look. Which of them should give you the bad news?

Helen squeezed his hand, which she'd been holding all throughout the conversation with her doctor, before letting go of it to take yours instead. "Sweetie... I can't come back home."

"What?" You looked from her to John, then back at her, utter confusion written all over your face. "What do you mean? Why not?"

"I'm not going to get better. I— It's only going to get worse."

Realization dawned on your face. "No. No, that— but— They were supposed to help you! The doctors were supposed to make you feel better!"

"They're trying everything they can, sweetheart."

"But they're supposed to cure you!"

It broke John's heart as he watched you clutch Helen's hand even more tightly. She sat up straighter, ignoring the pain John knew it caused her, and cupped your face with her other hand.

Your bottom lip trembled as you leaned into the touch, fighting not to cry.

"They can't," she said quietly.

"Then— Then why can't you come home? You can be sick at home just as well as here!"

It seemed you still couldn't grasp the severity of Helen's condition. John had the urge to interfere and make you see what you were so stubbornly refusing to understand — that she was getting closer to death's doorstep with every day. But Helen gave you a sad smile and shook her head with angelic patience. "No, honey. I'm going to get worse. The doctors can't cure me, but they can ease the worst of my symptoms at least, and slow the sickness down. That's why I have to stay here. I'm sorry, sweetie. You know I'd come home with you if I could. But you'll have to be a big girl for me and manage without me, okay?"

Hesitantly, you nodded. "But we can come see you every day, right?" You looked from her to John, needing both of their confirmation. "Right?"

"Yeah, detka," John promised. "We'll come here every day."

Weeks passed as Helen grew weaker and weaker, until one afternoon, her eyes closed and didn't open again. Just that morning, you'd brought her a flower crown of daisies plucked from the hospital's lawn. The smile when you'd given it to her had been her last real one before she slipped into inevitable coma.

John had known it was coming, but that didn't make it any easier to bear.

You picked the flower crown up from the floor beside the bed where it had fallen when the doctor, alerted by John, had examined Helen. Kissing your mother's cheek, you placed it back on her head and settled on the edge of the mattress, eyes fixed on her face, her hand in both of yours. Waiting. Waiting for something that would never happen.

She'll never wake up again. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but John couldn't bring himself to say them. Instead, he silently sat down in the chair in the corner of the room. Hours went by in silence. You continued to stare at Helen, like you were afraid she'd disappear if you took your eyes off her for even a second. John let you, needing time to process his own emotions, too, but when dusk came, it was time to leave.

John rose from his seat and walked around the bed to stand behind you. His hand on your back made you startle, but still your eyes never left Helen.

"It's time to go home, sweetheart."

You shook your head.

"Please, detka. It's getting late."

"I want to stay with mama."

"I don't want to leave her alone either, but there's nothing we can do for her now. She—"

"I'll watch over her," you interrupted. "I wanna be here when she wakes up. She has to wake up again."

She wouldn't, but telling you that would only make it harder to get you to leave. He would have that conversation with you later.

"We'll come back tomorrow," he promised, gently pulling you to your feet. "Please, Y/N."

"Nh-nh."

"You need sleep."

"I wanna stay with her!" you whined, looking at him for a second before turning back to face Helen.

John wrapped his arms around you and tried to steer you to the door. When you stiffened in his hold and dug your heels into the floor he took a deep breath and counted to three in his head.

"Y/N, please. Don't make this even harder than it already is."

He was begging at this point. The last thing he needed in his grief was his teenage daughter throwing a tantrum befitting a child half her age, and he could tell by the look on your face that that was exactly what was going to happen if he didn't find a way to avert it.

"Look at me, kroshka."

You continued to stare past him at Helen; John wasn't sure if you'd even heard what he said. He stepped closer to you so he was completely blocking your sight and took your face between his hands. "Please, Y/N. I know it's hard, but I need you to be a big girl now. You're not helping."

He hated having to do this to you. It broke his heart as he watched the tears pool in your eyes, your lips quivering, as you took a deep breath and nodded.

"I know. I know, I'm sorry."

Your voice was barely recognizable, sounding so broken and lost.

A single tear ran down your face, but you kept fighting not to break down entirely.

"Come on, let's go home," John said, taking you by the hand to lead you out as you took another look at Helen over his shoulder. "She'll still be here tomorrow."

"Promise?"

John nodded. Of course she would. It wasn't like she could go anywhere, comatose as she was. She was never going to go anywhere again, never going to wake up again. But she wouldn't die, either, as long as she was connected to the machines keeping her body alive. So yes, she would still be here tomorrow, even if she was hardly more than an empty shell now. Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the day after that. She'd still be here. She'd be laying here, pale and lifeless, until you could bring yourselves to let her go.

Now was not a good time to explain that to you. Of course there was no such thing as a good time for a conversation like that. Deep down you certainly knew it already, but John knew actually accepting it wouldn't be easy for you. It was far from easy for him, too. The only thing that kept him together was the knowledge that you desperately needed him to be there for you. You had to make it through this together somehow.

[vanillaxoshi]

well this might be more different than in my head(this is part of the solfang thing-)

Note: they are 11 at this time

"People know you, they just dont like you" Air bluntly said to Cahaya who looked up to him in suprise

"Who will not like me?!" Cahaya scoffed as he looks at Air in disbelief

"I mean its a common misconception that people will often think low of someone superiorly higher than them, afraid to admit the fact that they are indeed. Stupid." Cahaya glared at air as he proves a supposed point

"That. That's one of the reasons"

"What that? About them being stupid?"

"No. your overconfidence, the other kids dont like it."

"What- what's wrong with that?"

"Some students think its annoying, like me, sometimes i think its annoying" Api intervened the two boys conversation

"Or maybe its the big words you would say, which i dont understand" Api leaned on Air as he gestured

"Are you making fun of me api?"

"No! Look, as your older brothers! We would want you to have friends and… not be alone?"

"Nonsense! Do you think im lonely? Im fine being alone. I choose to be alone." Cahaya pushed off Api who shoulder hugged him

Api on the other hand bluntly looked at him in a deadpan expression. As all the siblings know how much of a wreck Cahaya could be if he's alone, no matter how many times he says its okay

"There is a difference between loneliness and being alone alright!! And I have…friends…" Cahaya expressed loudly

"Alright who?"

"Gopal, Yaya, yin-"

"Except them, because they're more of tanah, angin and petir's friends"

"Eh- what?! They're still our friends!"

"Yeah our, but what about yours" Air stated which left Cahaya in stunned silence, it took moments before he scoffed

"I mean its not hard to make friends, i could have one easily" Cahaya crossed his arms as he huffed confidently as the other two sighed

"And i'd show you people like me!!!" Cahaya exited the classroom unto the next class(science)

"You think there's a chance he might get made fun of?" Air asks his older brother

"If he comes crying, I'll find them." Api says as he clenches his fist

.

.

.

At the chemistry lab, they're all assigned to have lab partners, all following a procedure that the teacher is showing

Cahaya, who didn't need to watch the teacher's every step, is almost finished with his set but may have done all the work 

His lab partner, Dhia, was sitting patiently at the side, certainly giving an aura of joy by being partnered by the smartest kid in school

She sat patiently as Cahaya finished and called upon the teacher to grade them. And since they were the first to finish they could sit out the rest of the period.

"Uh, hey? Sorry for letting you do all the work. I didnt know what i could do since its like you already know what to do" Dhia says to the White capped septuplet who instantly looked at her

"It was expected, i am a natural at doing concoctions like those, so you should very much be glad by being partnered with me and earning a high score" Cahaya states bluntly and arrogantly causing the girl to scoff and look away

Cahaya, however took notice and now was contemplating whether or not on what Air said was true

Cahaya took a moment before eventually trying to talk to the girl 

"Uh hey…. I uh didnt mean it in a bad way-?" Cahaya avoided eye contact

"Why do you sound like you dont know?"

"Uh well- i mean partial of what i said was true, but i didn't mean it in a bad way" he tried

"Hm its okay.."

"Uh since noone else is done, um what do you like to talk about?????" Cahaya tried looking at the girl face to face, but failed in doing so

"Uh i dont know?"

"Do you wanna know about dinosaurs?"

"Sure i guess"

Cahaya beamed because he got to start a conversation, now he just has to finish and gain a friend approval

And so he started spouting facts and information about dinosaurs with enthusiasm, speaking within rapid pace

Unknowingly to him the girl started to get uncomfortable

"Uh can you stop? Your talking too much, its starting to get annoying." Dhia said in an annoyed tone before looking away leaving Cahaya to silence

He stared for a few seconds before looking away in return, obviously distraught by the tone and dialogue that the girl expressed

.

.

.

This type of situation continued on for the next classes, where he would attempt to create a conversation but would inevitably end up with the other commenting on his actions

He didnt even know why people are like this when he was explicitly just sharing information

Wasn't that good?? He was basically giving them a free tutor session, they get to know more for the studies that they need. What was wrong??? He remembers their comments

A common one being that he talks too much or too fast, he thinks why its a problem? Can they not process the information? Oh! He thinks aloud

It was because they were idiots who couldn't comprehend such information! They can't understand because of their measly little brains! That's right! That's the reason! He came to a conclusion as he walks to the canteen

They don't understand him because they're too dumb! They're the problem not him. He convinces himself, excluding the fact that he makes comments that are quite similar

He sniffled. Is he crying? Nonsense. Why would he cry? It's not his fault! He convinces himself once more as he wipes tears dripping down his cheek

He took a deep breath and calmed down the swirled emotions he's feeling

A snack might calm him down, he thinks as bought a donut

But before he leaves, a shout was heard behind him

"What?! There's no more carrot donuts!!!???" Yelled by a boy, perhaps the same age as him "yes dear, only white radish donuts are left" 

"But it's not the same maam!!"

Was this boy really creating such a fuss over one donut??? I mean I guess favourite foods are a thing.

He watches the boy sulk on the counter and now felt a tinge of guilt upon his own body 

He sighed walking up to the sulking boy.

"Here. Is this what you want?" Cahaya lended the carrot donut he just bought

"Eh?! A carrot donut! Yes- wait petir?!" That comment made Cahaya twitch

"What." He gritted his teeth, he understands that people will get them mixed up because of course they are all identical and that is why they have let's say colour codes, but despite that, it still irritates him especially when now, he got mixed up with his eldest brother

"I am NOT petir, excuse you." He retracted his arm while looking the boy up and down

"Angin?" "No." "Tanah?" "No im cahaya- have you not heard of us being septuplets?? Or do you just know about the three of them" Cahaya asked the boy infront of him

"I heard- but its still weird." "Are you gonna take the donut or not???" The boy eyed the pastry on his hand

"Why are you looking at it suspiciously, do you think I poisoned it?" Cahaya says in irritation

"Did you-?" "Of course NOT!!!" "Why are you mad-" "because of you!! Now take it!!" Cahaya's anger was rising by the minute

"Okay… thank you?"

"You're welcome."

"I've noticed you siblings have to have words for names"

"Why? What's your name??" He rolled his eyes

Before the boy could answer, the said boy eyed at him which made Cahaya glare back

"Fang."

"What type of name is that?"

"You have no right to talk"

"At least light makes a good name!"

"Fang as well makes a good name!!!"

"I guess you siblings are just as irritating" Fang spoke in a moment of silence causing an argument to rise up once more

"Ahh so you're the big jerk they were ranting about!" Cahaya came to the conclusion gesturing at the boy

"Big jerk?!"

"Yeah! The kid who not only scared people in that old house, but also the kid who kept ranting about popularity!!!" 

"I dont rant about popularity!"

"Well that's what they said!!! Guh i dont even know why im wasting my time with an idiot like you!"

"Idiot? I have high grades, thank you very much."

"IM LEAVING" Cahaya stomped away leaving a very ticked off fang meanwhile, the lady behind the counter just drank some tea watching the encounter

Before the two could part ways, something caught Fang's attention

"What's that?" He uttered out, heard by Cahaya who turned around in response

"Are you talking to me?"

"Who else would I be asking?"

"What do you mean whats that"

"What your holding.."

"This? This. Is obviously a book."

"What type of book is it." Fang gritted his teeth at the boys comment

Another moment of silence, before Cahaya could speak up. "Zoology." He says as he calms down

"Animals?" "Yes of course animals" he leaves yet another remark which caused fang to get ticked off again

"This school or perhaps schools, don't explicitly teach about every animal so it's  better to search for it yourself." Cahaya calmly states looking down at the book he's holding

"Can i read it?" Fang hesitated

"... I don't know, since its a library book" Cahaya says as he holds the book close to his chest

"I'm not gonna mess it up, and i'll return it."

Fang reassures the hesitant boy

"Nonsense, it's more efficient if i teach to you about it myself, as there are more information that's not implicitly included in this book" Cahaya says which may have sounded a little arrogant

"I don't think i would want you to read it for me" Fang says

"Well it doesn't mean i would read it to you, you could still read it, i could just supervise"

"Do you really not trust me"

"That's not what I'm implying!!"

Cahaya rejected an assumption immediately, i guess he'd admit that his tone and comments may express some disinterests or rudeness but that's not what he entirely meant it to be

From the comments he himself has received, he would at least wanna try changing it up. But It may take some time

"I dont know…" Fang says very unsure, especially with his history from three of his brothers despite it just being in a timeline of just days

"I'm not like my brothers."

"You are."

"Maybe some similarities, but not the exact same."

Fang still was quite hesitant, but for a moment. He agrees.

The lady behind the counter just witnessed a whole tv episode.

.

.

.

Despite the two being in the same room, it was just utter silence as Fang reads the book while Cahaya sat beside. He didn't know what to do in this situation than leave the other be

Time passes while the silence increases, other than the ticking clock and the noise of paper, noone is making a sound 

An awkward situation for the white capped boy

Though soon, the silence was broken by a question

"How come, deers, don't see the tiger who approaches them?" Fang asked the boy

Cahaya, snapped out of it. Began stuttering

"Uh- eh. W-well, a tiger's prey, a sambar deer can only see through green and blue light, they don't see.. red. Which is where the colour orange belongs, so that means the a tiger's fur coat is green to them, making the tiger a natural predator" Cahaya explained to the other

"Ah so the tiger can camouflage" Fang simplified "yeah. Like that."

"Is there… something called a black tiger?" 

"you're referring to panthers or more specifically the black panther, there are more so called black tigers before the 20th century, they could be leopards, jaguars, lions or tigers because their term black panther is just referring to a melanistic member of the big cats. Or the Panthera family, Black panthers aren't specifically black just more so full colour, like if you see a melanistic leopard or jaguar bathe in sunlight, they would be brown with black spots. But more normally they would look quite goldish, beautiful colours. And uh-" Cahaya stopped himself from explaining further

"Why did you stop?" Fang asked as he puts the book down

"I thought it might've been…. Disruptive… to your focus" Cahaya uttered out to the boy

"Its not disruptive, and i guess i would pretty much want to hear the facts" Fang says as he closes the book facing cahaya

"Don't you think i'm talking alot or talking too fast?" Cahaya gestured 

"No, well, yes, but i dont mind, especially if you im allowed to ask questions." Fang says reassuringly

"Ah…..you don't mind?"

"Yeah, and i think i would like to hear more, you give out a full description without wasting too much time."

"Huh, really?"

"Mhm"

"Hm….. thanks i guess?"

"Now, can you continue"

"Heh, of course!"

This continued until the bell rang and it was time to go home, it felt nice, cahaya thought. To just explain without being disrupted… 

Does this mean they're friends? Or just mutuals, will he be able to talk to him again. Well of course they are in the same school. Hmm he feels nice….

Forgetting the events that happened before with other students, he felt relieved. He smiles as he walks towards his brothers who were waiting by the gate, ready to go home.

[teenagemisanthropyofficial]

Chapter One: Dead Fish Have Feelings Too

AN: I promise that I tried to be serious while writing this. Unfortunately, I failed.

I stepped up to the large metal doors, admiring the super original penis graffiti on the brick walls around them. It was my first time ever seeing a real school, and it wasn't very impressive. I mean, it was just a big building... yet I was frozen in the doorway. The walls were a dull shade of beige and it made me almost sad to see it. The wall deserves better, I think. The graffiti was like makeup for the sad sad walls living a sad sad life of hosting children inside of it.

My neck burned from me scratching at it. My mom always tells me not to, but half the time I don't even realize I'm doing it. My nails are too short to do any real damage, she also likes to scold me for that. I wish she wouldn't freak out so much over everything... telling her I wanted to go to school was a nightmare. I shivered as I recalled the rushing and shouting and crying. She really didn't want me around people.

"Hey, are you Virginia?" A person with big square glasses was staring up at me from the doorway.

They reminded me of Vector kinda, at least their glasses did. They were nothing like Vector otherwise. They had dark skin, braids, thin eyes and long, long lashes… very much not Vector. Though, I think looking like Vector is a compliment. He's like a gay Edgar.

"Uh, yeah. I am." My voice came out a lot deeper than I'd like... I hate when it does that.

"I'm Myrla, come on in." They pushed their glasses up onto their nose, and let me pass by. "By the way, you stink. Please invest in deodorant." They gagged.

As much as that comment hurt, I'm almost relieved they assumed I was unhygienic. But, that's probably the only logical conclusion. Myrla showed me around the building, gagging throughout the whole time. I knew I smelled odd but I didn't know I smelled that bad. Maybe they're right... Does deodorant even work on me? I've never tried because my family doesn't own any... hm. The lunch bell rang.

"Well, that concludes our tour. Please never go near me until you fix the smell. It's awful." They gagged one last time and quickly sped away.

I sat down in the cafeteria and heard whispering and gagging noises in front of me. It was a group of girls. I don't need to hear them to know they're talking about my smell. Looks like I really need deodorant if I want to fit in. If it even works.

I looked back down at my phone and decided to just ignore them. I don't really care if I smell... I just care that people know that I smell.

A loud crash and high pitched screams filled the air ahead of me, the same group of girls had jumped away from the bench. A stout girl was laid out face first on the table, smiling ear to ear and giggling. She quickly slid off the table and slammed her hands onto my table.

"You smell like a dead fish!" She exclaimed excitedly.

Before I could get a word out, she grabbed my hand and shook it with full force. I was worried my arm would pop out of it's socket. I felt like my hand was burning up, she was really hot. In the literal sense. She's like an overheated laptop.

"I'm Cherry and I'm *Cherry* pleased to meet you!" She blew a ginger curl out of her face.

Oh, she was proud of herself for that one, wasn't she. Who let her cook. I felt my shoulder, making sure nothing ripped and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Cherry jumped in front of my face. She was chewing the inside of her cheek and it made her face look a little lopsided.

How do I get away from this girl... oh, I know.

I grabbed my stomach and groaned. "I have chronic diarrhea and really need to shit right now." That'll do it.

"Oh, in that case, I'll stand watch outside the bathroom!"

What. The. Hell. Where does this girl come from?

And so, we walked to the bathroom together and I proceeded to fake my horrific shit and make the most ungodly noises known to man while she stood in front of the door telling people not to come in. Truly a bonding moment. I will tell my grandchildren about the woman who guarded my shit filled asshole.

The bell rang and I rushed out to class, hoping she wasn't following me. And I waited by the door for my teacher to invite me in. She never did. None of them did. I assume they didn't get the memo. So, I spent the rest of the school day out in the hallway. Very enriching experience. I learned a lot about the tiles.

When the final bell rang, I decided to start my way home. I heard a familiar yell come from behind me that I strained to ignore. But when I heard the yelping of yet another familiar voice, I decided to look behind me.

Cherry was carrying Myrla on her back… and I don't think Myrla was too happy about it. I've never seen a piggyback ride that wasn't consensual. I've never seen a piggyback ride. Either way, it looked like Cherry knew Myrla… and they both lived in the same part of town that I do.

“Hey stinky! You live this way?” Cherry seemed thrilled to be here.

I hoped that if I didn't answer, she'd leave me alone. But she kept talking… she shuffled so fast through topics and made the wildest jumps… How does anyone even talk to her? She never shuts up. And Myrla was just as annoyed as I was, the two of them half arguing was even worse. Myrla insulted her and Cherry giggled and beamed.

I watched Cherry as I tuned her out. Her arms were very rough and hairy. I could make out that she probably worked out. A lot. Her pale skin and green eyes really popped in the sunlight. Her nose was kind of crooked and she had one tooth that stuck out a bit.

When she smiled she reminded me of a marshmallow. A freckly marshmallow. A very, very, annoying and loud marshmallow. Like the one I watched as a kid, the one with the mouth. Hm. I wonder if that show is still alive today… probably not. It was a long time ago.

I got home and started up the stairs when I heard yelling, again.

“What do you mean this is the wrong way?! I've been listening to you yap for half an hour and you didn't even take us to the right neighborhood?!”

Guess they didn't live near me then, thank god.

Next page

[the-brothers]

.Adoption.

"You kids know how I've been wanting to expand the family," your father started as the four of you had gathered around the dinner table.

"But Pops," you interrupted, "isn't it a bit late to be adopting more kids? I mean you're already so busy and not as young as you used to be."

His golden eyes narrowed slightly, "I'd like to remind you lass, that even though you are mature beyond your years, you are in fact only sixteen." he sighed, "These boys really need a home and can only be adopted together. You yourselves know how hard it is being grade school age in an orphanage."

You and Marco frowned. It had been almost eight years since your adoption, but you could never forget the way potential parents lit up when they saw the nursery. Not to mention all of the people who wanted to separate you from your self-professed twin. The social workers would always tell couples you were actually two years apart and not blood-related. You'd cry and shout to make things difficult, Marco would roll up his little sleeves and challenge anyone who dared to take you away. You were his sister and your DNA had nothing to do with it.

The day Edward Newgate arrived the two of you were separated to meet the man before he could take you home. It was less likely for you to act out if you didn't have your brother. When you entered the office, you were greeted by the enormous blond and another kid who had to be in his late teens. You were terrified, and shy having left all of your confidence with Marco.

After introducing himself and Thatch he began to ask you about your interests, typical stuff favorite colors, animals, what you wanted to be when you grew up, to which you murmured quick one-word answers. You also kept your distance.

"They told us you're quite the entertainer lass." Newgate pressed trying to figure out how the outgoing singer that was described to him was this timid girl.

You shrugged looking down.

Before you could think of a response there was a scuffle outside and the door burst open revealing the seething ten-year-old.

"Marco!" a worker desperately called after him.

He stood protectively in front of you scrunching his face at the man, "You can't take my sister, yoi."

"Sister?" Newgate sat back surprised, they hadn't told him you had a sibling.

"He isn't actually her brother," the woman corrected, "they've just been here for the last three years and are fond of each other."

"No," Marco growled, "she is my sister and you can't just take her."

Newgate watched you cling to the little blond, tears streaming down your tiny face. He was impressed by the boy's will to protect you and the bond you shared despite not being related.

"If they feel this strongly why on earth would you split them up?"

Your eyes snapped toward the man.

"That's just how it works sir, sometimes even siblings have to be separated. Our goal is to get them into a loving home, sometimes it's by all means necessary." the woman replied taking a step toward Marco.

"Marco was it?" Newgate leaned forward, "How would you like to leave here with your sister?"

Marco remained guarded but gave the man a nod.

"Then there we have it." he boomed, "Do you kids have any special belongings you'd like to bring?"

"But sir, you've only done the paperwork for F/N." she gaped.

"Then make copies for the lad," he smiled at her, "I'm doubling in fees. One would think you'd be thrilled."

"Boys?" you asked, "as in more than one?"

"Three." Pops nodded.

"She's just upset she won't be the baby anymore, yoi." Marco teased.

You swatted the blond.

"Two seven-year-olds and a four-year-old," Thatch confirmed.

"Awe~" you sang, "They're just babies!"

Marco rolled his eyes while Pops smiled and shifted.

"We'll go shopping tomorrow they've given me the boys sizes and the youngest will need a booster seat for the dinner table and the car." your father rumbled.

_____________

"They're here, yoi!" Marco shouted up the stairs.

"I'm coming!" you covered the receiver of the phone to reply, "Shanks, I have to go my little brothers are here."

"Call me tomorrow, babe." your boyfriend cooed, "Good luck with the rug rats."

"Of course. Now I gotta go before Marco drags me down." you flushed and said your goodbyes before hanging up and excitedly rushing down the stairs.

Thatch entered the house first with the small raven haired toddler in his arms. The two older boys followed with wide eyes taking in their new surroundings. The youngest shifted against Thatch's chest and turned toward you with an adorable grin. Immediately your heart melted, every fiber of your being was beckoned to protect him for all time.

"This is your new brother, Marco and your sister, F/N." the brunette introduced pointing at each of you

"I'm Luffy!" he chirped, tiny voice full of confidence.

"This is Ace," Thatch pointed to one of the boys who looked up at you with large ruby eyes that only accentuated the smattering of freckles on his face, "And this is Sabo." he motioned toward the other boy with messy blond hair.

The older two crossed their arms remaining guarded though Ace gave you a curt nod Sabo's green eyes refused to acknowledge you or your siblings.

"They've been to a few rough foster homes so give them some time." your father piped closing the front door behind him.

"Well, welcome home." you murmured, "Would you like to see your room?"

Luffy reached for you wrapping his legs around your waist.

"You guys have to share for now, but we'll be moving soon, and you'll have your own spaces, yoi." Marco added.

"We're used to it." Ace muttered following you up the stairs with Sabo far behind.

"Can I stay wis you?" Luffy asked squeezing your neck.

You squealed internally that the cutie in your arms already seemed to be attached to you, "Of course you can! I'll even read you a story."

After giving the boys a tour of the house and backyard Thatch called everyone in for dinner, which was a bit of a mess to say the least. Luffy rocked back and forth and side to side in his booster seat after clearing his plate trying to snatch food away from your and Sabo's plates as you both were stationed on either side of him at the table.

"I've never seen a toddler eat so much." Thatch said quickly fixing Luffy a second helping.

"Please hurry I can't fend him off much longer." You muttered blocking the kid again.

"He's always like that." Ace commented handing Thatch his plate to fill next.

"Are you not hungry?" you asked Sabo watching the blond poke at his food.

His green eyes moved toward you before quickly glancing away. He had been like this all evening carefully listening and watching but refusing to speak or make eye contact. It bothered you that he seemed to distrust the family so much. He must have survived some trauma in foster care.

"He'll eat when he's hungry, lass." Your father rumbled, "No pressure lad, if you don't like it there are plenty of other things to eat."

"But this is real good," Ace added.

The blond scrunched his nose at the freckled boy as if he were betraying him somehow. You could only hope he'd warm up to the rest of you in time. As you reached to wipe Luffy's face clean there was a sudden clatter of dishes and cutlery. Ace seemed to have passed out in his food splattering mashed potatoes everywhere.

Marco panicked and stood yanking the boy from his seat as he groggily opened his ruby eyes and muttered, "I'm not done."

"He has narnolopsy." Luffy chirped.

"Narcolepsy." Sabo quietly corrected.

"Does this happen a lot?" you asked watching Marco help Ace wipe his face and clothes.

"Yus." Luffy replied.

"If I'm still for too long or bored I guess. It's not so bad." the freckled raven replied getting back to his food.

After dinner, you set the boys up for a bath. It seemed the three felt comfortable all going at once though you worried if two seven-year-olds could really keep an energetic toddler in the tub or from drowning for that matter. So, you waited outside the door listening for any distress until they were done.

Luffy rubbed his eyes and yawned wide as you tugged him into the living room to pick a kid-friendly chapter book off the shelf. Not knowing what he was looking at he just picked the one with the most colorful cover and handed it to you.

"Pirate Adventures? Good choice." you hoisted him up on your hip and took a seat in the old recliner in the corner of the room.

Leaning back and covering up with a throw you read until Luffy was sound asleep snuggled into your chest and your eyes were too heavy to keep open. You dog-eared the page and set the book aside before drifting off yourself.

Some hours later your slumber was interrupted abruptly by the blaring pinging of the home security system. Not feeling the weight on your torso anymore your eyes shot open in a panic. Luffy was gone. Covering your ears, you stumbled to your feet and bolted up the stairs as the house phone began to ring.

Marco had already burst into the boy's room and was holding Sabo by the back of his shirt. All three boys had full backpacks strapped to their backs and the window was half open. Finally, the alarm cut off as Thatch entered the room still speaking on the cordless phone.

"No worries, it was just our little brother's opening the window," he spoke politely as he frowned at the boys.

The coming days, weeks, months, years, were sure to be interesting.

[losrtphu]

LOVE&HATE VICIOUS MAY 1999

FROM  A SHY SPEECHLESS BOY TO TODAY'S MOODMAKER DIE, WHAT MADE HIM CHANGE? IT SEEMS HE NOW ADMIRES PEOPLE WITH A COOL AURA

-Die what is your type in girls? and what type of girl do you not like?

if we're talking about personality, I think I like girls who are themselves, and I'm more interested when I talk to them and they're a bit strange. if I were to say it rougher I like girls who are kinda stupid (laughs) when they're not normal I'm more interested. it makes you want to know more about them right?

- I see, it makes it more intriguing. then on the other hand what girls do u not like?

someone who is strong-willed and people who lie. well, when I mean lie I mean lying about their relationships with other guys

- why do u not like strong-willed girls?

it's because I'm faint of heart (laughs), but that's also why girls who cry easily, or are just weak/delicate are also no good, I prefer feminine girls, girls who are boyish on the outside are fine too, but on the inside are feminine. but I easily fall in love.

- eh, really? like if they do something small you're easily charmed?

head yea exactly. but I can't pull the people that I'm into at all (laughs), I'm not purely talking about looks but that femininity or cuteness that person holds, that's what makes me interested. I don't really have a type, ah but, I'm not really into pretty model-type girls. I have this image that they're out of my reach. back in middle school, I was really quiet and there was this girl that stood out in my class and I wasn't able to get close to her. She felt special, she was like a flower on a high peak. you could say in my head I was constantly trying to get that flower.

-ehh~ you were a really shy middle schooler then.

I had always been since elementary, when I would talk to girls I would get butterflies. I was silent (illegible) and the type who wasn't able to raise my hand in class, so talking to a girl was unthinkable. in middle school, I sat next to a girl and she/I (not too sure sorry) said "Oh they finally laughed" It was rather simple (laughs)

- was that the same with the boys in your class?

yea pretty much. on the day of our entrance ceremony I wasn't the type to be the first to talk to other people I was simply too shy, so I waited to be talked to.

- so when were you able to talk to girls?

I think around when I entered high school. I was in English (illegible), and there were 10 guys and 30 girls. In those 3 years (illegible) when I looked forward or back it was all girls (laughs). but because of that I learned how to talk to girls, but even then I would still get butterflies.

- but you were still able to talk in front of a girl you liked right?

well, that's true but because of my shy personality it was rough. we went out for a month and she was a good person. I get nervous, it's pretty easy to talk with a girl who I'm not romantically interested in but once it's a girl who I like...

- so then even with the girl who you dated you didn't confess to her?

I was able to, still being nervous, but now when I think about it, it was like I fell in love with the feeling of being in love to put it in a cool way I admired the thought of it. which meant even when it was just us two we/I wouldn't talk, and when we would I would always be thinking "Ah- what are you saying!" or "I'm not funny at all~" and thought that it was all over and go home all depressed.

- for the 3 years you were in high school was it always like that?

yeah, ah, but in my third year, there was this girl I dated who was a super big fan of Yoshiki and she would always talk about how much she thought he was cool and I'd just respond like "ah~ yeah"(laughs). back then it wasn't like I was devoting my life to being in a band, so Yoshiki was a person in a completely different world to me. and then years pass and now I'm doing work with him. if that girl knew that now I wonder if she regrets, or something like that (laughs)

- she probably would a lot

yeah probably, I mean I/she (not sure) was the one who ended things *sorry unreadable once again*

- is that so?! I can't believe it.

no, but I was not that dependent because even I hated my personality, I was negative, it was even written on my school report card, "It'd be nice if he talked more positively".after all with girls, its better if you can have fun just by being together. like we're going out but I barely even talk. That's why I was jealous when a normal girl ended up with a confident boisterous guy

- I can't think of you as anything but the guy you've just described

right? Being able to be part of a band has changed me. I've met a lot of people and my opposition to speaking has gone. but I kind of still don't like myself now. it seems like I talk too much now.

- I don't think that's the case

well, it's still fun, but there are times that I want to pretend that I'm a quiet person. or pretend to have a cool character, the type of person with that atmosphere can say a few words and make it sound deep.

- but Die you have a personality that attracts others, so I think that's impossible. you wouldn't be able to take it and eventually start talking (laughs)

yeah probably, if I just met u and I wasn't able to speak I wouldn't feel satisfied(laughs)

- hahaha you'd be a completely different person (laughs). in that way aren't you happy that you're in a band now?

yea, and the fact that a became able to drink alcohol. like at parties when you get drunk you're able to freely speak right? I think that situation rubbed off on me

- and now you're better with girls

yeah, I've overcome it (laughs)

- I'm glad, then to the Die now, is love something that's important to you?

I think it I important, I think there's a lot to learn, things you learn from dating and things you learn from breaking up. it's just that I'm not the type to get obsessed with it. it's the band over girls. It's also business too, and because being in a band was my dream, the band is the most important to me.

- so you're a person who doesn't fully understand people who think love is the most important

yes. that's why if I was ever to go out with someone we would need to influence each other. I would of course take time to spend time with them but when I say im free/ on a break it isn't something definite. so a person who misses me a lot and wants to be together all the time is definitely out of the question. I want someone whos able to understand that the band is important to me, someone that will be relieved even after not meeting or seeing each other for a while, a bright person. deciding to go ahead with the band is my duty.

[blackacre13]

Hey I know this isn't quite the same as your normal stuff but would you maybe be up to writing some lou x reader hurt/comfort? Like lou taking care of reader when they're struggling with mental illness? I know its a bit different to what you normally write but I love your writing style so I thought I'd ask <33

There was a quiet rap on the door that made you turn, looking up as you blinked for a moment in the dark, cursing as you saw the clock blinking just past 8pm, Lou’s voice calling softly beyond the door.

“Y/N? Is it alright if I come in?”

You croaked out an awkward yes, smiling sheepishly as you sat up in bed, the blonde entering with a gentle smile as she closed the door behind her.

“Deb and I were worried,” Lou spoke quietly, walking further into the room as she studied you for a moment, eyebrows knit in concern. “You slept through dinner.”

“I’m alright,” you lied, waving off the concern physically with your hand as Lou gave you a smirk of disbelief. “I did just mean to take a nap around 3. Seems my brain had other ideas.”

“Do you want me to bring you something to eat?” Lou offered. “I’ve got some leftovers I cooked. Or you’ve got some takeout courtesy of Debbie, of course.”

“Not too hungry,” you shrugged, looking away. Sometimes, the kindness was too much when it came to Lou and you felt like you were taking advantage of her sympathy. But you knew it was just the way she was.

“Mind if I sit?” Lou asked, sitting down gingerly on the edge of the bed as you gave her a slight nod.

It was quiet between the two of you for a moment, and you played with your hands awkwardly, hoping you hadn’t offended Lou and Debbie by skipping out on dinner. You really hadn’t meant to oversleep. They’d been doing you a favor by letting you stay in one of their guest rooms in exchange for running some smaller jobs with them and stepping in as Danni’s now favorite babysitter, but you often felt like you were intruding on their married life and their little family, though neither of them would hear anything of it.

And lately life had been hitting you hard. Your family wasn’t in your life anymore. You weren’t sure what was coming next. You were grateful to have your found family, of course. Lou, and Debbie, and Danni were amazing. And you became fast friends with the rest of their crew as they came in and out, staying the odd weekend or week in the loft in different pairings and such. But at the end of the day, it wasn’t the same. And as exciting as it was running alongside the dynamic duo or robbing a convenience store with Constance, it wasn’t something you could do forever. Eventually, you’d have to settle down. Start building up your own life again. This was an extravagant adventure of a pit stop.

Lou interrupted you from your thoughts before you could flounder too much. And once more, you were grateful to her. You were racking up quite the debt from Lou Miller expertise and advice, but she wouldn’t hear it and she seemed to love it. Like she got a high from helping out stray gays that ran into her path.

“It’s harder in the winter,” she sighed, almost speaking to the wall as she looked around the room. “Days are shorter. Dark when you wake up. Dark when you go to bed. It’s easier when it’s sunnier out somehow. Makes you smile a bit more even if you feel a bit silly. And of course, it’s harder when you don’t have a shoulder to cry on or a hug waiting for you. Sorry…I don’t mean to assume..I just—you know, I ran away as a kid, right? Made it to the states by myself. I won’t bore you with the details. Mum died when I was young. Pops was a piece of shit. But it got better, you know. Was running around from place to place doing every sort of odd job, legal or not, fell into some dark shit and found my vices. But eventually, there was Debbie. And she—god, suddenly everything made sense. All that hurt. All that pain. It didn’t all go away. But there was someone to share it with. Someone to make it better. And of course we’ve got Tammy, and the girls, and they’re all so wonderful. And Danielle. Fuck, I never thought a girl would ever make me as happy as Debbie, but to know she’s a little bit of each of us….look at me go, Y/N. I’m sorry. I just—I get it, I think. No matter how many people are around to help patch things up, sometimes there’s still holes and cracks in the foundation that no one can fix, no matter how good their intentions are. And I just—I want you to know you should ever be afraid to tell me those things. Or Debbie. I know she’d say the same.”

“Lou,” you breathed, shaking your head in awe, forever stunned by her words and how she always just seemed to know. “Thank you, I—I’m alright right now. Today was just hard. But this helps,” you smiled. “I know I have someone I can come to. The next time.”

“Anytime,” she smiled, squeezing your hand. “I mean it, Y/N. Do you want some time to yourself? Or maybe, you want some tea or something? We can talk or not talk about whatever you like.”

“That sounds perfect, actually,” you grinned, relief flooding through your veins.

[jessicaslittlelovesickmess]

Sunsets- Sarah Paulson

Warnings: Angst, Fluff?, Idealisation to suicide

Y/n's Pov:

I was currently on the phone talking to my cousin "I'm so proud of you" I gushed he had just come out as trans and going from a girl to a boy must be hard on him.

"You're going to be great, you're already doing amazing don't listen to him he's just a dick" I really was proud of him but I still couldn't shake what I felt.

Deep within my bones, nothing was right so I'll try to make everyone better, allowing them to drain me dry.

Hollowing out my body of who I am and who I once was, a sense of connection was all I needed.

At some point my stepmom Sarah entered my room she stood at the door just watching.

"Please don't commit I'd miss you more than you think everyone would really" his dad didn't seem to support it. He had suffered from depression for the past few years and after what his dad had to say well it was starting to take its toll.

Everyone had already tried to help but eventually, they all gave up just deciding to hand him a therapist so at least they're still trying.

"Just promise me please...thank you, alright I love you too" as soon as the call ended a familiar voice filled the room.

"Look at you, comforting others with the words you want to hear," Sarah said solemnly "wha-what do you mean?" I asked almost defensively.

Turning to face the woman now walking towards my bed "I'm just saying Y/n that you're too pure for this world" she spoke lightly bringing a gentle hand to rest on my knee.

I looked up into her brown eyes hopefully, me and Sarah got on better than my actual parents and I probably ever did.

I dropped my head as tears began prickling my waterline sometimes it felt like she was the only one who understood my pain.

She felt like home

She sat beside me opening her arms as an offering, without hesitation I fell into her chest my arms wrapping around her small waist tightly.

She only rocked us back and forth rubbing my back comfortingly shushing my cries, kissing the top of my head "shh it's alright love".

Even though we both knew it wasn't it did make me feel like it was, I looked up at the older woman as she looked down smiling sadly.

Leaning in she kissed my nose making me giggle waterily, lightly she pushed a strand of hair behind my pierced ear.

"You're such a beautiful girl Y/n, has anyone told you lately?" She asked I only shook my head "no? Well I'll tell you some more, you Y/n Taylor are the most beautiful girl in the entire world and I'm very glad to be your stepmom".

I furiously shook my head, she's lying I'm far from it.

"No none of that" she held my head still "you are the most beautiful girl I have ever met Y/n Y/m/n Taylor and whoever disagrees will just have to take it up with me" letting go.

If I wasn't crying before I definitely was now my arms tightened around her frame "thank you..." I choked "no, thank you Y/n" Sarah smiled.

We turned to stare out the window "the sky looks beautiful huh, Sarah?" She only hummed in agreement.

As we pull away I whisper "I'm gonna make sure these sunsets are extra pretty I promise" maybe then at least I'd be good for something.

Sarah loved to admire the sky with me, maybe it could give her something to look forward to.

Sarah only hushed me grasping my face again, I couldn't believe her cold hands could bring so much warmth to my heart.

"You might think you would make a beautiful sky but you're way more beautiful on earth" she muttered before kissing my forehead.

My eyes closed basking in her comfort "maybe just for a minute longer I could stay".

Sarah's Pov:

I woke up gasping for air my hands flying to my chest sitting up I quickly threw off the blankets ignoring Holland.

Standing I hastily made my way towards Y/n's bedroom this dream wasn't like any other.

It was real only from Y/n's perspective? Was that how she actually felt? Slowly I pushed open her door.

Silence

The air was cold and her room no longer smelt of her, the passion flower shampoo, the vanilla rose that always lingered about, the floral musky scent of her perfume we always joked smelt like old ladies.

Pictures were hung upon the walls, decorated with a delicate passion, the bed was made and the desk organised.

This was probably the cleanest I had ever seen this room before.

Walking to her bed I grabbed the giant brown teddy bear laying on its stomach, resting on the bed opposite where she would've slept.

My fingers grazed gently along the green floral blanket, not even one of her hairs was set upon it.

She was really gone.

Tears dribbled harshly down my now agitated cheeks angrily I wiped them with the back of my hand.

I wasn't angry at Y/n, I was angry at Holland and her father at, at her family.

A bunch of bloodsuckers who mentally and emotionally abused this poor girl, forcing her to believe lies about herself.

And now my Y/n is gone.

Shaking my head I crept over to her windowsill pushing the curtain across I smiled.

"The sky looks beautiful today huh, Sarah?"

Looking up she really did make the sky extra pretty too bad that minute longer couldn't last forever.

Because she was my home.

[lick-me-lennon22]

How they calm you down when you're very stressed/having a breakdown 💜

thanks so much to @betchq who requested this one! hope you enjoy :) 💕

(these ended up wayyy too long.. whoops :P)

Paul:

it's all too much- you can't take it anymore

one minute you're sitting on the bed venting to Paul about work and family troubles- frustrated, but not devastated- and suddenly you've spiraled again

you're practically hyperventilating, gripping the duvet so hard your knuckles turn white, sobbing about how unfair the world is and how you'll never truly be happy

"Woah, woah, what's this all about darling?" he interjects tenderly, a gentle finger lifting your chin up to look at him, briefly breaking you from the hope-devouring clutches of your panicked mind

"It's -*hic*- just too m-much to handle Paul, I -*hic*- c-cant do it anymore," you manage to squeak out between sobs, your voice wavering and your lip quivering

Paul gazes into your tear-filled eyes, scanning them with his own in an attempt to gain understanding, a deeply concerned expression on his face

he places a firm, loving hand on each of your shoulders, eyes still locked on yours

"Listen to me, my love- nothing, and I mean nothing, is so wrong or bad that you can't take it on, or that this world would be better off without you. I know things are difficult for ye right now and it's completely understandable that you're overwhelmed- but you will get through this. And I will stay glued to your side every step of the way"

you inhale shakily, the cascade of tears that once flowed down your cheeks slowing to a halt as Paul continues his pep talk:

"Regardless of how daunting and scary it seems and no matter what it takes, you are going to be okay- more than okay, you are going to get through this and emerge from it even better off and happier than ever before. Ye hear me?" he says sincerely- his gaze stern, piercing, and comforting all at the same time

you nod slowly, eyes glimmering with residual tears, and sniffle once more

"You are the strongest, most capable, and most resilient person I know. I don't ever want you to feel that the days are becoming too heavy for you to handle. And if you do you know you can always, always come to me, no matter how insignificant you think your struggles are- they're not. I don't care if I'm 'busy,' nothing ever takes priority over you and your wellbeing, Y/N. I mean that."

you smile up at him with appreciation as he wipes your cheeks with his thumbs

"T-Thank you, Paul. It all just gets so overwhelming.. I don't know what I'd do without you"

"It's no trouble at all love, that's me job"- he gives you a small smile and pulls you in for a long, gentle hug

"I adore you Y/N, you are my whole world. Promise you'll come to me if you ever feel this way again?"

you nuzzle into Paul's chest: "I promise"

"That's my (girl/boy/love). I love you more than anything in this world- don't you ever forget that" ♡

John:

you don't even hear the front door open and shut, the sound drowned out by your sobs combined with the melancholy tunes coming from the record player on your dresser

"Y/N, I'm home!" John calls out, kicking off his shoes and coming to find you

he searches for you on the couch, at the dining room table, and then in the kitchen- but you're nowhere to be found

That's strange, he thinks, Y/N's almost always sat on the couch waiting for me when I come home...

"Where's my sweet birdie?~" he tries, striding briskly down the hallway to your shared bedroom, still in pursuit of his partner

John raps his knuckles against the wooden door and waits a few moments for a response

when he doesn't get one he turns the doorknob and pushes his way in, panic flooding his mind and senses

nothing could have prepared John for what he sees- the love of his life curled up fetal-style in bed, clutching the blanket for dear life, cheeks glistening with tears and features screwed up into an agonized expression

he rushes to your side immediately, placing a firm hand on your shoulder and shaking you softly to alert you of his presence

he spooks you and you startle, eyes snapping open in shock

"Are you alright, love? What happened- did somebody hurt you?? If someone upset ye I swear I'll make 'em rue the day they were born-" he seethes, interrupted only by you sitting up against the pillows and taking his hand in yours:

"J-John, calm down, I'm fine.."

"Did.. did I do something? Was it me? Tell me what I did wrong Y/N, whatever it is I'll fix it I promi-"

"No John, you've done everything right," you sigh

"It's j-just.." you trail off, unable to meet his gaze

he waits for a moment before encouraging you with a "Go on darling, you can tell me anything"

you take a deep, shaky breath before continuing- "Everything is so overwhelming and heavy.. just living feels like too much some days. I don't know what to do John, I'm downright miserable!!" you exclaim, your eyes once again welling up with tears

"..Oh sweetheart, come here" he opens his strong arms, pulling you in for an emotionally charged hug

John isn't the greatest at discussing feelings, so he offers comforting words instead

"Shh, everything's alright... I'm here, Johnny's got ye" he soothes, stroking your hair as you quiver in his arms, your body wracked with sobs

"I-It's just one of those days where I don't know how I'll ever b-be -*hic*- happy" you croak out, clutching his body close to yours

John draws in a deep breath before responding: "I understand how you feel- I've had plenty of those days meself," he confides in you

"But we can't let them stop us from living. Sometimes your perspective gets all screwed up and ye can't see through the bullshit your mind hurls at you,

"But one bad day is still just twenty-four hours, ye know? It helps me to think about that- that this too shall pass," he reassures you candidly, rubbing gentle circles into your back

"I know it seems impossible right now, but you'll- we'll," he corrects, "get everything sorted- including that pretty little 'ead of yours- and you'll feel like yourself again sooner than you know. Got that?" he asks

you simply nod, beginning to calm down but unable to speak just yet, and nuzzle further into John

he squeezes you tightly: "Y/N- ye know I know what it feels like to be stressed and depressed, and I just.." you hear John start to choke up and feel him tremble as he begins to cry, himself

"-ah don't ever want ye to feel hopeless like I 'ave, you know I'd take it all away in an instant if I could" he says, trying and failing to mask the wavering of his voice

"Even if it meant I'd have to take it all on meself instead, I can handle it- I'd do anything for you Y/N, I've never loved anyone or anything like I do you and it hurts me to see you in such pain"

John's voice breaks at the end of his monologue and you hear him sniffle

with that, you finally speak up: "Oh John, I'll be okay- I promise. Thank you for changing my perspective, it's just so difficult to pull yourself out of despair sometimes.. some days are just so.. heavy" you say, pulling back and looking up at him; "I didn't mean to make you cry too"

you dry your face with your sleeve and John takes your hands in his

"Y/N you know I understand completely, and I want ye to come right to me when the days get too overwhelming- I'll be sure to set your perspective straight. Don't you ever worry about making me upset or anythin' of the like, okay love?"

you nod- "And besides, I ain't crying" John says somewhat defensively and shifts his gaze away from you, still clutching your hands in his larger ones

you chuckle softly and roll your eyes at him- "Whatever you say Johnny.. you can't fool me, I know you're a softie" you tease, booping him gently on the nose

he pulls one hand back from yours, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly- "Yeah, yeah, that's enough" John says, expression hardening as he tries to disguise the grin making its way across his face

you place a hand on his cheek and turn his face to look at you

"Thank you, John. I feel so much lighter now"

"Ahh, don't mention it darling. Anytime at all- you mean the world to me. I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too, John." ♡

George:

to your boyfriend George, it's a day like any other

he walks down the hallway to your shared bedroom, fizzy drink in hand, intent on watching some cartoons in bed with you

he knocks and upon hearing your, "Come in!" enters the room with an "'Ello, gorgeous!"

"Room for one more? I was thinking we could have a cartoon marathon this evening- what do ye think?" he proposes, approaching you and taking a sip of his drink

you hesitate a moment before answering: "Yeah, that's fine Geo" you say flatly, punctuated with a quiet sniffle

"...Are you feeling alright, dear? What's got you down?"

George sets his glass on the nightstand and sits beside you in bed

"Nothing's the matter babe, I'm okay" you mutter unconvincingly, avoiding eye contact

George studies your face, just now noticing the red and puffy appearance of your eyes

"Have you been crying..?" he asks gingerly and places a gentle hand on your cheek

you finally turn to look at him, sighing: "...yes but before you freak out, it's really nothing- just one of those days, you know?" you offer George a weak smile, downplaying your stress

"Y/N." he begins sternly, "I can tell when something's wrong. Do you want to tell me about it, doll?"

"I would, but there really isn't much to talk about... it's just life, I guess. Nothing specific" you shrug

"It's not 'just' anything- if it matters to you, it matters just as much to me," George reassures you sweetly

"Thank you Geo, but I don't know what to tell you. I just feel...tense and pessimistic, you know?"

George nods in understanding: "Really just that sort of day then, eh? That's the worst- ye can't target anything to fix it," he sympathizes and you nod in agreement

"Tell you what- I don't care if it takes all night, I'm gonna do whatever it is I can to make you feel comfortable and calm, all right? Starting with getting some food in ya- I know that always makes me feel better" he grins

you offer him a half-hearted smile, as much as you can muster in your state

"Of course it does, George" you chuckle, "that sounds lovely"

George disappears down the hall and returns just moments later kicking the door open, arms full of snacks and sweets (including jelly babies)

your face lights up at the sight of him

he unloads everything, opening his arms and dumping it all on the bed for you to choose whichever item you please

"Thank you, Geo" you giggle and grab one of the bags of crisps, opening it and promptly reaching in for a handful to munch on

"Anything else I can get you, darling? Anything at all?"

"Hmm.. no, I don't think so-" you start, but George cuts you off before you can finish your sentence

"Oh I know! You need a nice, warm cuppa- that'll be sure to soothe you. Be right back, love" he says and with that, he's out the door once more

you wait patiently in bed for a few minutes and graze on the treats George had brought you until he reappears, a ceramic mug in one hand and a box of tissues in the other

"Here you are dear," he says, handing the mug to you and placing the tissues on your nightstand- "I thought you might need these"

"You really didn't have to do all this, my love- thank you. It really warms my heart" you tell him earnestly, "I already feel so much better"

George beams at you: "Of course gorgeous, it's no trouble at all. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Hmm..." you contemplate his question for a moment before responding- "Just one more thing, I think"

"What is it, Y/N? Anything at all, just say the word"

"Get over here and cuddle me!"- you lift the blanket and invite him to lay with you

"I thought you'd never ask" George says cheekily and hops into bed, pulling you close to his chest to spoon you

(and reaching over you to grab an overflowing handful of crisps, shoveling them into his mouth)

you can't help but laugh and snuggle into George, your worries forgotten

"Thank you, Geo. You're the best"

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't look after my (girl/boy/love)? And besides, it's no inconvenience at all- don't you worry. I love you, Y/N"

"And I love you, George" ♡

Ringo:

Ringo has always made you feel safe, heard, and loved, and he's assured you that you can confide in him whenever you need to

he's made it a point to tell you to come to him whenever you need him, and that he'll drop everything to help you in any way he can

on one particular evening, nothing seems to be going right for you

you're beyond stressed and overwhelmed, and you can't help but break down from the pressure and weight of the world

at first when you step out into the living room, face red and tear-streaked, Ringo is oblivious

he carries on watching the television, gaze locked onto the technicolor screen

"Ritchie..?" you say meekly; "What is it, my love?" he calls out, eyes still fixed on the telly

upon seeing how invested he is in the program, you suddenly feel like a burden despite what he's told you numerous times before about coming to him when you're upset

"Umm.. nevermind" you squeak out, about to turn and drag yourself back to the bedroom when Ringo finally whips his head around to face you

his wide eyes take in your pathetic, hunched frame- hair tousled, eyes puffy and blanket pulled tight around you

"Oh my- sweetheart, are you okay? What's wrong?" he scrambles up off of the sofa and rushes over to you, panic evident in his expression

he places his hands on your shoulders and looks you over, eyes searching yours for answers

"Yeah, I'm okay" you sniffle, "but.. remember all those times you told me I should come to you if I'm ever stressed out?"

"Of course I do love, what's got you so stressed?" he inquires delicately, rubbing your shoulders

"Life, existence, everything!" you confess, exhausted

"Oh honey, everything's alright- I promise! Come here" Ringo beckons you closer and smothers you in one of his renowned bear hugs

you begin to sob quietly into his shirt

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's come over me today, I don't want to burden you-"

"Love, don't you ever worry about being overbearing or burdening me- I am always ready and willing to help you, please understand that. Managing your stress is so important and I'm thankful that ye came to me. That's what I'm here for" he reassures you as he holds you close to him

you sniffle and tremble, your tears soaking through his cotton t-shirt

"Shh, everything's going to be fine. It's okay to cry" Ringo soothes

"It's just a bad day. It doesn't mean that everything is falling apart, I promise. I'm right here. We've got this, together- you and I could take on the whole world if we had to!"

you pull back from his embrace and gaze into his eyes; "Really?"

"Of course we could, baby! Now let's get you to bed, how about that?"

you nod and Ringo lifts you up, carrying you bridal style to your shared room and setting you down gently on the bed

he swaddles you in a blanket burrito and proceeds to kiss your tears away, peppering your face with little smooches that make your heart flutter and your mind go blank

"Ritchie!!" you exclaim, giggling

"What? Kisses are the best medicine"- you agree, as long as they're his at least

once he's finished administering your treatment, he asks: "What else can I fetch ye, cutie? Anything?"

"You!"

"Why, of course!" Ringo's grin widens, lighting up his face as he pulls you close to him in bed

you rest your head on his chest and close your eyes, the dull thud of his heartbeat lulling you into a serene state of mind

for the remainder of the night Ringo refuses to leave your side, even when you drift off into peaceful slumber at last

"I love you, Y/N" he mumbles, the last thought occupying his mind before he too dozes off to sleep ♡

[lunarflux]

"baby i drink to forget - not to remember"

hwang hyunjin x reader

genre — fluff!au

drinking!!!

suggested background music: x

.

.

.

What started out as one bottles suddenly turned into ten.

Your group of friends sat in a circle on the floor, passing soju bottles around like greetings at the thought of another long year of friendship that came and went. It was already past midnight, but the crickets were silenced by the boom of spontaneous laughter and conversation.

Hyunjin always sat beside you. You never knew why - in all the years of friendship you had, he always chose the seat next to yours. He'd smile and laugh with you, but he never got any closer than the two inches of the space between seats. It's been years, but you never thought to ask.

Tonight was game night. Felix bought some card game and thought it was a good idea to play this over drinks. You had to admit this was more fun than watching everyone play games or going out to a club.

"It's called We're Not Really Strangers -" Felix opened the box.

You groaned, recognizing the name. "Felix, that's like an emotional game; why'd you pick that?" You hiccupped in between shots.

He shrugged, "I dunno. It seemed like a fun thing to do. I can't remember the last time we had a deep talk other than that one wedding we went to when Changbin started crying into his cake after one too many shots."

Had Changbin not finished a bottle of two by himself, he might have been awake for that jab.

Hyunjin puffed out his cheeks, taking the deck from Felix and shuffling it in between taking another shot. "Five years of friendship, and you still want to know more about us, huh?"

Felix smiled in between exchanging glances with your friend beside him. He'd had a crush on her for ages. A small game like this should've said enough.

In one word, describe how you feel right now.

When was the last time you surprised yourself?

Strangers would describe me as _____. Only I know myself as ______.

The game went on until eventually you and Hyunjin were the only ones awake. Felix left with his crush for a midnight ice cream run. Changbin had to be carried home. It was just the two of you. He pulled the next card.

"Are you missing anyone right now? Do you think they're missing you?" Hyunjin read aloud to you. "Well?"

"Well, what?" You sneered.

"Are you missing anyone?" He smirked.

"No."

"Not even one person?"

"No."

"Why not?"

You shrugged. "Everyone I really like is here in this room. What's to miss?"

Hyunjin almost looked satisfied. Skipping your turn, he picked up another card. "Wild card - make an assumption about me. Says we both have to answer."

You turned to face your friend.

As if he wasn't expecting you to get so close, he nearly leaned away. You could smell the faint scent of alcohol on his lips. Or maybe it was yours? After the last bottle, you couldn't really tell anymore.

Hyunjin was always such a curious character. Back when you were in high school, he was always so sweet. He'd offer to walk with you to school or share his lunch if you tried to diet. You almost swore he liked you at some point, but it just never happened. He stayed a dear friend, one you'd see every month or so for drinks.

When Hyunjin was drunk, he'd lean on you. This was the only time he ever did, and part of you wished he wouldn't drink when you were together because in his drunken splendor, he'd talk - and you never forgot what he'd say.

"Be my girlfriend."

And every time you'd respond -

"Ask me when you're sober."

He never did. He never really really remembered. The next days were always full off groans and complaints of hangovers, yours included. Even though he'd ask you what happened, you knew those were just drunk words. If he didn't remember in the morning, it couldn't have been real.

It would be a complete lie to assume you never developed anything deeper than friendship-like love for Hyunjin. It was hard not to. But every time you tried to get close, it was like he wanted to pull away. After all these years, it didn't make sense anymore.

Drunk words are - after all - drunk.

"You go first." You closed your eyes, finally feeling one or two drops of soju hitting your spine. It had been too long since you drank this much. It was a miracle you weren't passed out like the others.

Hyunjin laughed once then nothing. He just stared, like he was looking for the words.

"I don't know what to say."

"Oh, come on - " You pushed his shoulder, your head rolling forward. "There has to be something you think you know about me. Anything. Something."

You were close to laying back down on the floor when you suddenly felt Hyunjin's hand on your back, keeping you upright.

You grimaced. "This really is the only time, huh."

He looked at you with concern. "I'm sorry?"

You leaned in closer to him, poking his cheek with your finger. "You always hug the guys. You never hug me! You don't lean on me unless you're drunk - you never get close to me." You giggled, turning your five year long question into sarcastic banter. "How come you never want to touch me, huh?"

"It's not like that." He smiled, poking your pouted lip. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what." You pouted harder. "You never get close to me when you're sober, you never lay a hand on me. You only ask me to be your girlfriend when you're drunk. Why can't you be like that all the time?"

Hyunjin's smile slowly dropped. He looked at you seriously.

"Why, you want to be my girlfriend?"

You stifled a laugh. This was no time to be serious. For once, it looked like you were more drunk than him, and this wasn't the time to get caught up in feelings you always tried to forget. "Shut up. You don't mean it."

"You think I don't want you to my girlfriend?"

You turned your head only for your cheek to meet Hyunin's finger. He kept his finger there, his smile growing again. "You're cute, you know that?"

Pushing his hand away, you released a heavy sigh. "Hwang Hyunjin, I told you before, so I'll say it again. Say these things to me when you're sober. I'm too drunk to deal with you teasing me."

"I'm not drunk." He shrugged. " You guys drank the most, and I have work in the morning. Why would I drink?"

You blinked once. Twice.

"You're being serious. You're not drunk?" Suddenly, you felt very sober.

Hyunjin's smile stretched across his entire face, like he was watching a puppy stumble over its own legs. "I never drink enough to get that drunk. I sober up very quickly - I thought you knew."

"How the hell would I know that?" You sneered. "We always drink together!"

"Yeah, all of us. It's not like you're counting my shots or checking when I stop drinking."

"Then why didn't you ever ask me when you were sober?"

"If you really thought I only wanted you to be my girlfriend because I was drunk, then I thought you really didn't want to." Hyunjin patted your head. "You're always so touchy with the guys. I didn't want to be like everyone else. If you were my girlfriend, I'd get jealous."

"I still can't tell if you're lying - " You poured yourself another shot before lifting the shot glass to your lips, but instead of feeling another stinging kiss of liquid, you just felt the back of Hyunjin's hand, shielding the soju from reaching the edge.

He grabbed the shot and downed it in one easy swig. Placing the glass back down, he sighed. "Fine -"

Hyunjin pulled your face close to his, the taste of soju still glimmering on his lips. A forceful yet deep kiss, he sighed into you before dropping one hand to the back of your neck, the other to your waist. His lips moved slowly but with a hunger. Your head was spinning, but whether it was because of the alcohol or just him you couldn't tell. Squeezing the back of your neck ever so slightly, Hyunjin lowered you down to the floor, suddenly more sober than ever.

He looked at you - but it was like you were looking at him for the first time ever in your life. The apartment suddenly seemed so quiet as his gaze followed your heaving chest, breathless from his kiss.

"Yes, I want you to be my girlfriend." He finally spoke. "But I don't want you to answer until you're sober."

Hyunjin stood up and gathered his things. After what seemed like an hour, you sat up and realized he was gone.

Your head was still spinning - that couldn't have been real.

**

You hadn't seen Hyunjin in a week.

Not for lack of trying, but whenever you unlocked your phone only to see his name at the top of your notifications, you couldn't help but panic. Yes, you woke up with a hangover the next day, but the memory of that kiss was burned into your brain, and it was the only thing you could think about.

Hyunjin lived at an apartment complex down the street.

You couldn't help but wonder if he'd magically appear in front of you, and then your words would just be caught in your chest.

Look down, look down. Just keep walking.

Ready to enter your apartment, your curiosity peaked. Looking across the way, you spotted him. Standing in front of his apartment.

With a girl?

Blinding fury took over as you made your way over to him. The girl had already walked away, but something in you just said -

"You're such an asshole!" You gave him one hard shove, nearly pushing him over.

Hyunjin laughed once. "Did I miss something?"

"You - and the - she -"

"- is my neighbor. She got my mail by accident." He opened his back to reveal a small package and two envelopes.

You stumbled back, immediately regretting your entire existence.

Hyunjin took two steps toward you as you took two back. "You haven't been answering my texts."

"W-Well, I -" You couldn't find your words let alone remember how to speak. "I just - "

"So are you ready to give me your answer?"

"What answer?"

He leaned in again, cupping your cheek with his hand. Barely grazing your lips with his, Hyunjin teased. You could feel his breath playing over your skin. Gently resting his lips on your forehead, he pulled away with a content grin.

"I won't kiss you again unless it's as your boyfriend."

It took everything in you not to punch him straight in the stomach, so you settled for a hit to the arm. "Why -" and again "- didn't -" and again "- you just -" and once more "- ASK ME."

Hyunjin couldn't hold back in his laughter. "Sue me for getting nervous in front of the girl I like!" He grabbed hold of your hand before lacing his fingers between yours. "Is that a yes?"

"I hate you." You fought back a laugh.

He nodded. Pulling you into his chest, Hyunjin kissed the top of your head.

"I guess that means yes."

[moonlightflower21]

just like magic

a/n: angsty fluffy. normal raph. there may be mistakes and it may be hard to follow through lol. but i hope you enjoy ❤

"y/n!! wait, please wait!!" the call of raph desperately trying to reach you fell on deaf ears as you angrily walked into the public so he couldn't come close.

it was so hard to decipher what you were feeling. betrayal, anger, sadness, embarrassment, pain. sometimes it felt like you couldn't even catch a break. he had been acting so suspicious and you couldn't help but recall what your best friend had said earlier, that when a boyfriend stop texting and calling back they were sleeping around.

he couldn't.... could he?

that one girl, amber, from the chief vincent crew had been crushing on him forever. you learnt that raph and her had a small fling years ago, before he ever met you. but other than that, you didn't know much else other than the fact that she absolutely hated your guts. the feeling was mutual of course but she never failed to make any small digs at you whenever you were together.

so when she came out of his room wearing nothing but lingerie, it wasn't an understatement to say your heart felt it had been stomped on the floor. leo, mikey and donnie were all out with their significant others so they couldn't even provide any help or shed any light on why she was in your boyfriend room

the reason as to why you came around was because you thought of surprising him, considering you hadn't even seen him for the last two weeks. he seemed to vanish for hours on end and while you didn't want to jump to any conclusions, you just had to talk to him. but seeing her come out of his room that he let no one in felt like a punch to the gut.

"when will you ever learn? first loves outshine any other" amber cackled in your face, swaying her hips as she left the lair. you couldn't even speak scared you would start crying on the spot. and the last thing you wanted was to give her the satisfaction.

you entered the room but aside her horrible perfume stinking the air, raph was nowhere to be seen. hell his bed looked empty. untouched. and yet his window was open, so perhaps he escaped? the more reasonable part of you disagreed vehemently, he wouldn't do this shit. and you couldn't trust that woman, she was out to drive you both apart

but this wasn't excusable either. the air felt constricting here, walls falling in closer so you left. angry tears on the brink of falling, the excited evening you had planned obliterated in small pieces.

---

the small bench in the park was empty and you sat, trying to reel in those thoughts but they proved to be a challenge.

"y/n please listen to me, i can explain everything i swear" you rolled your eyes but stood up. hearing his part would at least put your mind at ease and those burning questions could finally be answered.

"you get one chance raphael. let's go to my place, i don't want other people listening in" you look into his pleading eyes, turning the corner and walking home with him eagerly following you close.

raph entered your room, thankful for the heat that flooded his system. he didn't realise how long he was outside and how cold he was until he bagn to shake slightly. he turned his attention to you as you shrugged odd your jacket, brows raised at him.

"no more secrets, raph. no more lies otherwise we're done" you snapped, crossing your arms over your chest. he nodded, ready to answer the oncoming slaught of questions that had been scorching holes in your chest.

"who is amber? and do you still have any feelings towards her??" your voice trembled a little at the end of that sentence, hoping her put your mind at ease. his jaw seem to clench slightly at the memory of her which brought some amusement.

"she's someone i thought i was in love wit'. 17 years old me didn't know shit at the time. after a while, i knew whatever we had was just infatuation. it was never gonna work out. she wanted a relationship while i was looking for something small. but that's in my past. i don't have any love towards her anymore. she was just a silly crush"

"she was your crush? doesn't seem like it" "she was. ya can't be mad at that because you've also crushed on guys before i came but that's a good thing! because they led us closer to each other and look at us" he holds your hand, his thumb gently rubbing over your knuckles which was something he usually did to reduce your stress. and against your will, you could feel those familiar butterflies invade your lower belly.

"but why was she in your room? looking very cosy in there, i might add" your jaw clenched tightly, glaring at the floor in order to contain your anger.

"she what?? y/n i promise i had no idea why amber was even in my room. i wasn't even there. in fact, i'm barely ever there most days" he rubbed the back of his neck, hesitating the last part.

"why?" your brow lifts and he sighs, grimacing.

"well... i... uh... got a job" he chuckles awkwardly, expecting you to burst in laughter. but you just seemed to have a confused look, intrigued at his comment.

"a job?" you ask and he nods, fidgeting with the end of his shorts.

"yeah... in construction. splinter thought it would be good anger management. i started doing it to also pay back for the necklace... that ya don't seem ta wear anymore" he narrowed his amber eyes around your neck and true to his word, you had taken it off. your hand touches your chest, feeling only the bare skin instead. the only reason you had taken it off was because he just kept being so secretive around you. and you didn't know who to trust.

"so that explains the extra muscles on your arms" you ponder and he laughs, flexing his bicep.

"they got us liftin heavy stuff" he rolls his shoulders, aching from last night. "i'm sorry for not saying anything about it. i didn't want to be laughed at" he chuckles but there's no humour in his voice, just nervousness which is rare for raph to ever have.

"you'd think i'd laugh at you?? i'm the last person to judge and i think it's a good thing for you. it's healthy to let your anger out in this way, i'm proud of you. but you have to stop with these secrets, they're only driving a wedge between us" your hand is gently placed on his knee which he appreciates, with you he never feels pressured to say things. you let him take his time which he's never found in other partners before.

"i know i just didn't want ta disappoint ya, i'm not a millionaire and i'm not the greatest looking guy either. i just wanted ya ta be happy at somethin-" "raph, you could never disappoint me. i don't care about money or fame, i just want you to be as serious about us, i just want to be there for you. but i can't do that if you keep pushing me away, hiding these things from me" you sigh your previous anger melting into sadness and relief.

"m'sorry princess, i do care about us. there's just things that i have trouble saying. but i promise i never mean to intentionally hurt ya" he cradles your hand, his gaze on the floor in deep thought. your head gingerly leans against his arms and his finger places comforting circles around your knuckles.

"where is yer friend? aren't ya supposed ta go out tonight?" raph remembered, looking around the room.

"yeah she's supposed to come soon but i haven't confirmed anything" you lean back on the bed watching his amber eyes narrow mischievously. in the way you grew to adore.

"so what i'm hearing is, we have time?" he smirked but you gently nudge his chest, shaking your head with an amused smile.

"i'm still annoyed at you" you chuckle when he smiles softly, his eyes shining under your lights. he leans closer to you, simply just wanting to be in your embrace.

"and i'll spend every moment making it up ta ya. let's just cuddle, i've missed ya"

[missymurphy1985]

The Return

It's been 2 years since you were last in Dublin. 2 years since you up and left without warning, saying goodbye to your life there and restarting somewhere completely new. Sometimes, you have to go backwards in order to move forwards.

Requested by @noctvrnalmoth I hope you like it!

*Featuring Jim from the Delinquent Season*

Stepping off the train into the platform, you sighed. It all looked the same, and yet so different. Pulling the buggy open, you gently strapped your sleeping son in and made your way to the taxi rank, your suitcase trailing behind you. A kind lady helped you with your bags and waited with you for an available taxi.

"You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders there, are you okay?" She sat next to you on the bench as your son murmured adorably in his sleep. "Sorry, I don't mean to pry..."

"No don't be sorry.. just been a long time since I came back here is all. Few loose ends to tie up." You glanced at your son's sleepy features as his eyes started to open. Beautiful, ocean blue eyes alongside his dark hair, growing more every day... The memories of that night flooding back before you took a large gulp of water from the bottle in your bag, forcing them back down. You'd done so well... 2 years and you'd built a new life in London. New friends, amazing new job allowing you to put that degree in marketing to good use - you were finally making a complete fresh start. But the secrets you had buried deep inside kept coming to the surface the more your son grew. He deserved to know his roots, who his father was, you knew that, but you couldn't do it.

Choking a tear back, you thanked the kind lady for helping you as a taxi pulled up and she helped you to get in.

Pulling up outside your cousin Natalie's townhouse in the city centre, she was waiting for you at the gate to help with Jackson and your bags. Grinning from ear to ear she pulled you in for a huge hug once you'd got inside and settled on her couch as Jackson sat in this new lady's lap tugging at her earrings.

"I can't believe I'm only just meeting him y/n.. he's the image of you!!" She kissed his cheek, bringing him up to look at him properly for the first time not over Skype.

"I never see it, I just see.... I just see him I guess..." You mind wandered to the man you actually saw, but you didn't let it slip.

"Those EYES!!! So blue and vibrant, just beautiful!" Natalie was swooning now, she'd never seen eyes that blue on a baby. Your eyes were brown, so he clearly inherited them from his father, although you had never revealed his identity - just a drunken one night stand and he wasn't involved. You weren't lying, technically...

After catching up properly, Natalie told you she'd planned a few people coming over to welcome you back that evening - nothing major, just a few friends from years ago that were keen to see you after so long away.

"Oh.. yes, that would be nice... Um, who's coming?"

"Well I think David and Amanda, possibly Caroline.. I think Liam is asking Jim too but I'm not sure if he's up for it - he's been through a tough time lately.." you caught a gasp in your throat at the sound of his name. Last you heard, through Natalie, he and Danielle were going through a rough patch. Cheating accusations on both sides, they'd agreed to a trial separation. "Apparently she isn't as broken hearted as once thought - already shacked up with someone new, fancy house on the coast, new Jag on the driveway, she's doing quite well for herself!" Your chin began to wobble, not unnoticed by Natalie, who placed Jackson in his bouncer on the floor and moved to place a hand on your shoulder.

"I'm fine Nat, honestly I'm good. It was a long time ago, things have changed. I'm not that silly little girl with a crush anymore..." Natalie looked into your eyes. Nothing ever got past her.

"Y/n.. when I said I'd never seen eyes that blue, I meant on a baby. Only one person I know has eyes like that, and I think you know too. Tell me the truth, please?" You were frozen, until tears escaped and you couldn't stop them. Jackson looked to see his mum crying and began crying too. Scooping him up, you held him close.

"It happened once... Just once Nat... And he doesn't know and he doesn't need to know, let's just leave it there, yeah?"

"What?? This is Jim's son? I was almost kidding y/n... How could you keep this from him for 2 years??" She was stood up now in complete shock. Jim wasn't just her friend, he was her husband's brother - this made things even more intense. The atmosphere could be cut with a knife.

"Please Nat... This wasn't easy okay? I was 21, I slept with a married man, and I got pregnant... Then mum died.. I had to go back to London to sort out the funeral and the will... I didn't want to be seen as the homewrecker that got herself knocked up..."

"And what about Jackson? Doesn't he deserve to know his father?"

"Of course... And he would.. when I was ready Nat. And I'm not ready..."

"Not ready for what?" Liam, Natalie's husband was stood in the doorway, as you heard the front door close. Now standing next to him was the man you were desperately trying to avoid... Jim stood behind him, eyes wide at the sight of you with a baby in your arms.

"Baby, we need to go pick up that delivery from the post office, remember the one we missed last week?" Natalie pulled a confused Liam out of the room, leaving his brother and you alone.

"Y/n... Hey.. um.. how are you?" You tried to smile in response but your heart was pounding in your chest, you could barely breathe.

"I.. yeah.. um, yeah I'm okay.." you glanced down at his hand.. the wedding ring was gone. "I'm sorry to hear about you and Olivia..."

"Probably for the best eh... We weren't exactly getting along, just stayed together for the kids I think. They're older now though, they're fine. Y/n.. where did you go? Why did you go?"

"My mum was ill... She'd had a stroke and they couldn't save her, I had to go... I just stayed.. and things happened.."

"You had a baby..." He looked at the little boy in your arms, feeling extremely nervous now. "He must be just over a year old, right?" You nodded.

"13 months.."

"And we... We had sex y/n.. the day before you left..." His own breath was faltering now as the dates in his mind started to catch up. Again, you nodded, tears rolling down your cheeks. The realisation of what was happening dawned on Jim. He started to back away, before shaking his head and storming out of the house, the door slamming behind him making you and your son jump.

Your sobs came out in full force now, Liam and Natalie coming back into the room. Liam took Jackson into the kitchen to find him something to eat as Natalie held you.

"It's okay y/n... Give him time yeah? Poor guys just had the shock of his life, he'll come round." Your heart was sinking.. you hadn't meant for any of this to happen, but here it was. The memory of that afternoon had never left you, you hadn't even been able to move on - your son, for starters, looked just like him, how could you find love with anyone with the constant reminder of the man you'd never have around you 24/7.

Flashback

"I'm so sorry Jim, I didn't know who else to call..." You climbed into his car, cheeks burning as he picked you up from outside the pharmacy. You'd been walking along the road when a pothole in the pavement took you by surprise and you'd tripped, your ankle turning funny - the pain was horrific, but no one seemed to be answering your phone calls when you rang around for someone to come pick you up. Reluctantly, you'd dialled Jim's number, your cousin's brother in law. He'd given you his number the previous week, after offering to help you move into your new apartment later that month.

"No problem, I was just dropping the kids at school so I was only round the corner." He helped you into the car and drove you back to his house. "I figured your place is in boxes, no chance of a first aid kit either, I'm guessing?"

"No," You laughed. "Thank you so much.." you grimaced as you turned your foot round, trying to ease the pain.

"Definitely not broken, just need to rest it. I'll put the kettle on." Jim led you into the kitchen and sat you down at the kitchen table, and grabbed an ice pack from the fridge. Lifting your leg onto the chair opposite, he placed the ice pack onto your ankle. "Feeling okay?" He asked, flicking the kettle on and preparing two mugs of coffee.

"Much better.. thank you." Definitely better.. the physical contact from him was driving you insane, you had to swallow the blushes in your cheeks, praying he hadn't noticed.

"I've only got instant coffee... Hope that's okay - Danielle won't let me buy a coffee machine." He rolled his eyes. His wife was one of the tightest women he'd ever met.

"It's fine, thank you.. and I honestly can't thank you enough for coming to get me.. I can't believe how clumsy I am!"

"Hey those pavements are a nightmare - I'm surprised no one's broken a leg yet! Don't you be moving now, I'll take you back home once that swelling has gone down."

"How did you know how to fix it all?"

"I have a son, y/n, who at one stage a few years ago thought he was an actual superhero and would fling himself off anything to check if he could fly.. you learn the difference between a broken ankle and a twisted one pretty quick!" He laughed, remembering the time his son climbed the tallest tree in the park, giving him a heart attack before throwing himself from the top - luckily Jim caught him before he hit the floor.

"I think it's better now, Jim, I can try and walk." You said, after chatting for a while in the large kitchen.

"Let me help you.." he held your hands and guided you upright, your chests now pressed together as you placed your foot gingerly on the floor, testing it's strength. Stumbling slightly, Jim caught you, your bodies now even closer together. You could feel his heart racing, could he feel yours? His hands wrapping around yours, holding you up, an arm snaking round your waist. You looked up and found him looking right back at you, your face inches from his. Before you had time to think, you kissed him, before quickly pulling back.

"Shit I'm sorry... Oh god.. no... I'm sorry..." He took your hand in his and pulled you back to him, pressing his lips back to yours. This time you didn't pull back, your mouth opening allowing his tongue to dance against yours. Lifting you up, he sat you on top of the counter, his hands roaming your body hungrily.

"I can't... I shouldn't..." He murmured against your neck, the vibrations driving you wild with need. "You're so fucking beautiful y/n..." He ground your hips against yours, you could feel his erection through his jeans as you reached down to cup it through them, kneading it slightly. He growled, pulling your hand up to his chest, his heart hammering underneath his shirt. "You feel that? Feel how fast that's going?" Silently you took his hand and placed against your chest.

"Feel mine...." You pushed his hand down lower.. over your breast... Down your stomach and under the waistband of your skirt. His fingers found your folds, and he gasped your name. "I'm wet... I'm so fucking wet..." Lifting your skirt up, he pulled your underwear down. You relieved him of his jeans and they fell to the floor, revealing no underwear, just his huge, hard cock already leaking.

"I see you are too..." You ran a finger along the slit, taking some of the precum and lifting it to your mouth. "You taste good..."

"You want this...?" He asked, lining himself up against you. You nodded, and he pushed in easily, you gasped his name and threw your head back as he filled you completely. Pulling on your hips, he rocked you against him as he moved his own hips back and forth, fucking you against the countertop. You legs wrapped round his waist as his thrusts came harder, deeper, faster.

"Fuck... Right there... Jim... Oh god...." He bit down on your exposed neck, hands pushing against your still covered breasts, he moaned.

"Feels so good y/n... You feel so good... That's it baby, I need to feel you... Cum for me..." You leaned back, and eyes locked with his you drew a hand down to circle your clit as he moved inside you.

"Gonna make myself cum on you... Gonna cum hard for you... Faster Jim..." He pounded into you now, your moans echoing through the kitchen as you came over him, his release following seconds later. Both of you leaned your heads together as your worlds came back into focus.

Present Day

"Hey."

"Hey.." you'd agreed to meet Jim for a coffee a few days later. He'd called you the evening before, slightly tipsy which made you chuckle. Liam and Natalie were watching Jackson while the two of you caught up.

"How's the hangover?" You smiled, he grimaced.

"Well I've definitely felt fresher.. it was a bit of a shock y/n..."

"Listen.. for what it's worth.. I'm sorry. I didn't know I was pregnant until I was nearly 20weeks. With the stress of losing mum and the funeral, I hadn't had a period for a while but I thought it was just the stress.. then my friend convinced me to take a test and the doctors confirming it.. it was too late to do anything about it.. then I heard you and Danielle were trying for another baby and I just couldn't do it Jim.. I couldn't destroy your life like that.." your hands were shaking. He leaned over and took your hands in his.

"I understand y/n.. I do. I spent most of this week thinking about it. I don't blame you for what you did.. but I do wish you'd told me."

"I'd done enough damage Jim, sleeping with a married man? On his kitchen counter where he makes his kids breakfast? Where his wife makes her coffee in the morning? I couldn't face you.. I couldn't face what I'd done.."

"You know where my wife was, that morning?" He leaned back, smiling a little. "At her office, bent over the desk while her boss fucked her from behind. She called my number by accident while it happened. I didn't answer, obviously, I was busy.. but my voicemail picked up the whole thing. I'd had my suspicions for a long time, but that confirmed it. We were never trying for another baby - that's just what she told people to distract them from the fact we were clearly falling apart at the seams. Couldn't exactly be mad at her after what I'd done with you though."

"Did you tell her?"

"Yes, but she didn't know it was you. Then you up and left.. I thought there was no need to tell her who it was. I guess now we kinda have to, right?"

"Jim, I don't expect anything from you, okay? I have an inheritance from my mum, I'm fine for money, there's no need to be involved if it'll cause you problems.."

"No. You've kept him from me for nearly 2 years y/n, don't do this again, please? I'm not asking you to move in, I'm not asking for a relationship, I just want to get to know our boy.. that's all.. please?" You saw it in his eyes. It was there, for all to see. Was it love?

"I'll call Nat.. ask her to bring him over, maybe we could go for a walk?" Jim smiled, nodding. You made the call, and an hour later you were walking to the local park, Jim pushing the stroller. He took Jackson out of the buggy and placed him inside a baby swing, pushing him gently while pulling silly faces making him giggle. Your heart swelled watching them.

"He's incredible.. those eyes.."

"Your eyes, Jim." He looked up at you and smiled listening to his son's giggle, before he started becoming grouchy again.

"He's teething... Come on little man, let's get you back shall we?" Jim lifted him from the swing and placed his little finger in Jackson's mouth. He responded by sucking his gums along it, finding relief. You smiled, watching Him soothe your son's whimpers of pain as his teeth came through.

Making your way inside Natalie's house, you were surprised to find it empty. A note on the kitchen counter read that they'd gone out for the afternoon, they wouldn't be home until the evening. You warmed a bottle of milk for Jackson as Jim gave him some Calpol. Taking the bottle from you, he fed his son, as you watched, heart pounding as you watched the man you were still in love with take such good care of your baby. Within 15 minutes, Jackson was fed and had been rocked to sleep in his father's arms, you took him and placed him upstairs in his cot to nap. You knew he'd be out for at least an hour after all that fresh air. Walking back into the lounge, you found Jim sat on the sofa waiting for you.

"Come here, y/n..." You sat next to him as he turned to face you, hand gently caressing your cheek. "What are we going to do now?"

"I'm heading back to London tomorrow Jim..." His eyes glistened slightly. He'd just found his son, and now he was going again. He'd just got you back in his life, and now you were disappearing again...

"What can I do to make you stay?" His question took you by surprise. Stay?

"Jim, I..."

"I haven't stopped thinking about you.. about what happened 2 years ago. How long I'd wanted you, how long I'd dreamt of you, how I still dream of you even now.. and we share a son y/n.. I can't let you go again, it'd break me.."

"I'm half your age Jim! I'm barely older than your eldest child, how can this possibly work?" He answered with a kiss. Leaning forward to take your mouth against his, without thinking you returned it, linking your fingers with his as he pulled you into his lap.

"It'll work because we'll make it work.. nothing else matters.. all of that other stuff is irrelevant.." he felt you grind your hips against his and his erection was burning against his jeans. He needed you, now.

"And Danielle?"

"Is fucking a man old enough to be her own father - opinion invalid. I don't care about her, I care about you.. please.." he was aware of how desperate he sounded but he didn't care. He had his hand under your t-shirt against your breast, no bra in the way this time. Lifting you up, he carried you upstairs to the guest room you were staying in, and laid you down softly on the bed underneath him.

"Birth control?" He looked at you, smiling.

"The coil - don't worry, I'm covered this time.." You smiled back as he lifted your t-shirt over your head and kissed you again. The reason for being at the pharmacy 2 years ago was to collect your prescription for the pill - you'd not taken it for a couple of days after running out suddenly. After Jackson was born, you switched to a more efficient form of birth control.

Pulling your skirt down and off, along with your underwear, he nestled his face between your thighs, now parted by his hands.

"I want you to watch me y/n... Watch me as I make you cum..." Your core burning, you raised yourself up on your elbows as he blew a hot breath against your wet folds, causing you to shiver under him. He parted your lips with his fingers, before licking from your pulsing hole up to your clit, finding a rhythm that made you cry out and shudder underneath his tongue. Smiling, groaning into you, you tried to keep your eyes on him as he licked and sucked your throbbing clit in his mouth.

"Jim.. don't stop.. oh god..." You hadn't had sex since that afternoon 2 year ago, no one being good enough to compete with the man currently buried between your legs. No pleasure you'd given yourself since was a patch on this, and you felt that burning feeling in your stomach starting to rise. "I'm close... Mm... Fuck I'm close..." Your words barely a whisper but he heard them, pushing harder with his tongue as a finger entered you, hooking upwards to find that spot inside, the one you didn't think actually existed, but there it was.. you bucked against his mouth, coming hard and fast - you felt your liquids gush over his chin, there was no stopping them... "Aha... Oh god Jim... Fuck... Stop, it's too much..." He smiled, blowing another warm breath over you before moving back to your mouth. You could taste yourself on his lips, turning you on even more.

Flipping him onto his back, you lifted his clothes off him and kissed down his chest. Your core needed a breather before you took him inside you. Licking the top of his now rock hard cock, you slowly sank your lips down, taking him fully inside your mouth. You'd never had a strong gag reflex, and you enjoyed the feeling of his cock hitting the back of your throat.

"Holy fuck... Jesus y/n... That's it baby..." Up and down your head bobbed, swapping between hard and light sucks, your teeth gently scraping the underside of his cock and your fingers lightly playing with his balls underneath you. Every time you felt them tighten, you'd ease off, allowing him to catch his breath, before bringing him into your mouth again. After a few near explosions, he couldn't take anymore and lifted you off motioning for you to sit on him. "Ride me y/n..." You smiled, and sank your pussy onto him, allowing him to fill you. Slowly so as to adjust to his length, your hips moved, back and forth, up and down, finding the right rhythm for you both. He sat up, chests together and his hands under your thighs as he rotated his hips from underneath, driving his cock against that magical spot again.

"Yes... God that feels good... Jim..."

"I'm not gonna last long y/n..."

"That's okay.. we've got plenty of time to make up for this... Cum in me, give me all of you..." You felt his cock twitch inside you as he moved your hips faster. Leaning back, you rode him hard, the bed frame squeaking underneath as you both cried out, your climaxes arriving simultaneously. Coming back to rest your head against his, you clenched your core once more causing him to gasp as you drew yourself off him slowly. Lay down next to each other, he pulled you into his arms.

"Did you mean what you said?" He asked, kissing your head gently. "Plenty of time?"

"I meant it, Jim... I need to get back to London to sort a few things, put my flat up for sale.. my job... But yes. If you'll have us, we'll come back.." you looked into his eyes. He lifted your head to kiss you and you felt it. All the love you thought you'd never find, in the man you thought you'd never find it with.

Everything was going to be fine, you couldn't wait to start your life over again, this time for the last time.

@margoo0 @queenshelby @peakyscillian @cloudofdisney @ntmynouis @being-worthy

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑀𝑦 𝐺𝑖𝑟𝑙 𝑃𝑡. 4 (𝐵𝑎𝑑𝑏𝑜𝑦! 𝑆𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑔ℎ𝑤𝑎)

Part One/ Part Two/ Part Three

Pairing: Badboy! Park Seonghwa (Ateez)/ Reader (Female)

Genre: Angst, Fluff, College AU.

Synopsis: Final part of the bad boy! Seonghwa series. Y/N finally tells Seonghwa her answer to his confession.

✿❯────「✿」───❮✿❯──「✿」────❮✿

"Seonghwa!"

Seonghwa pulled away and stomped his foot on the pavement, gritting his teeth.

"Fucking hell, can't even get a break." He complained, sighing in frustration.

Seonghwa helped Y/N get down from the railing. She fanned her face as she suddenly felt hot from the compromising position she and Seonghwa were in a few seconds ago. She watched as a shorter male with ash blonde hair ran over to them, somewhat out of breath.

"Hongjoong you better have a good excuse for interrupting me." Seonghwa glared daggers at the younger male, his arms crossing over his chest as his foot tapped impatiently on the pavement.

"Well would you count Mingi getting his head stuck in a lamp shade as good enough?" Said Hongjoong mimicked Seonghwa, crossing his arms over his chest while tilting his head to the side.

"What the?! How even?! Ugh! Where is he?" Seonghwa could already feel his head pulsating with a coming migraine.

"In Yunho's room, who's probably trying to calm him down at the moment." He gestured behind him at the house.

Seonghwa inhaled and pinched the bridge of his nose. He let out an exasperated breath.

"Fine. Let's see what I can do."

Without even thinking, his hand linked with Y/N's and he began pulling her back inside the house. Hongjoong was taken aback when he saw them holding hands. He looked back and forth between them.

"I thought he said they weren't a thing?" He thought to himself but ultimately decided to let it go, chuckling secretly to himself.

They went back inside the house through the back door so they wouldn't have to pass all the wild people dancing in the living room and hallway. In the kitchen, they were greeted by a very drunk and overly emotional Yeosang, who was currently crying on Jongho's shoulder, the latter helping him stay standing as he petted his hair.

"Yeosang?" Hongjoong looked at him.

"Ok, what happened to you now?" It seemed Seonghwa would have to fix yet another problem.

He began mumbling something incoherently due to his sniffling and talking while his face was pressed on Jongho's shoulder.

"I got him don't worry. Go help out the idiot upstairs." Jongho assured them as he tried to keep Yeosang from collapsing on the floor.

Seonghwa looked back at Y/N

"You don't mind waiting here a few minutes do you?"

She smiled and reassured him she'd be fine. He let go of her hand and that's when it dawned on them both that they had been holding hands the entire time. Seonghwa stuffed his hands into his jean's pockets and walked away with his head hung low. Hongjoong who was next to him leaned in to say something to him, which resulted in him getting elbowed by the taller male as they went upstairs to fix whatever commotion was happening.

"You know, for 2 individuals who keep denying they're in a relationship, you sure act like you're in one." Jongho told her, snapping her gaze away from the staircase.

"Huh?" She looked at him, not paying attention to what he said.

Jongho snickered. "Exactly that. Lovesick puppies that can't seem to function without each other."

Yeosang whined loudly when he heard him mention the word 'love.'

"What's wrong with him anyway?" Y/N was worried for him. She leaned in and wiped some of Yeosang's tears away.

"Long story short: flip a coin, San goes home with Wooyoung for the night." Jongho explained as he rolled his eyes at the stupidity of it.

"Oh no, I'm sorry Yeosang." She brushed some of his bangs away from his face.

"Don't be, this always happens. If it had landed tails, then it'd be San crying here."

Yeosang grunted at the sound of his name and harshly dug his nails into Jongho's arm.

"Whoah ok Hyung, calm down. I get you're upset now but I'm already doing you a favor by keeping your drunk emotional ass company. No need for the agression."

Yeosang lifted his head up and groaned.

"Do me another favor and take me to nearest bathroom."

Seeing Yeosang's pale face, Jongho cringed as he lifted him up as if he weighed nothing.

"Seriously, shouldn't I be the reckless drunk getting taken care of you older guys? Why is it the other way around?"

Jongho excused himself and carried Yeosang to the bathroom as swiftly as he could before the poor boy threw up on himself or worse.

Y/N leaned back on the kitchen island. Her foot began drawing circles on the floor as she waited for Seonghwa to come back. She took the time to think about what Jongho said:

Do we act like a couple?

"No! Absolutely not! Besides, I don't even like him that way...." She thought to herself then immediately began questioning the veracity of that statement.

"Do I?"

She couldn't deny that Seonghwa was extremely attractive, especially with his leather jacket and tight jeans that hugged his thighs in the most dangerous and tempting manner. But besides his obvious beauty, he was also a very kind and genuine person. From the beginning, he stated his intentions and he was very open about what he did and didn't do. He was an open book and didn't try to conceal anything. He was also a complete gentleman towards her and was literally waiting for her to say yes.....

So what's keeping me from accepting him?

She was startled when she felt someone slide next to her, making her forget about what she was thinking.

"Hello there." An extremely attractive male with long pink hair smiled at her.

"Hi." She replied awkwardly, scooting a bit away from him.

"I'm Hyunjin. May I know your name?" He asked, his head tilting down to check her out.

"Y/N." She responded.

"Pretty name on such a pretty face." He grinned, coming closer to her.

Y/N retreated away when she felt him come closer, closer than she felt comfortable with.

"Don't be scared beautiful. I only want to talk." Hyunjin chuckled.

Y/N hardly believed that.

"Oh really? Just talk?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

Hyunjin hummed softly.

"Well unless you're up for something else. Then I'd be happy to oblige."

His hand moved to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"So what do you say? Wanna ditch this place and come home with me?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.

"No-no thank you." She brushed his hand away which resulted in him gripping her wrist and pulling her against him.

"I promise you won't regret it." He smirked at her.

In a flash, Y/N watched as Hyunjin was yanked off her by none other than Seonghwa.

"She told you no Hwang Hyunjin. Can't you take a hint?"

Hyunjin scoffed as he straightened his jean jacket.

"Stay out of this Park Seonghwa. This doesn't concern you."

Their voices were raised to the point that a lot of people there were now looking over or whispering, wondering what all the commotion was about. Seonghwa chuckled sarcastically.

"Oh but you see, it does concern me cause..."

Taking 2 steps, he swiftly took Y/N's arm, pulling her close to him and wrapping an arm protectively around her.

"She's my girl." He declared.

Audible gasps were heard when he said that, a few females letting out either romantic "awwws" while others were fuming at this new information.

"Fucking knew it!" Yeosang declared, pointing a finger upwards as Jongho tried to stabilize him once again and shushing him.

Hyunjin looked surprised but then he laughed mockingly at him.

"Your girl? Do you actually mean a girl, or is she just another slut of yours that you're going to fuck and call it a night?"

Seonghwa grabbed Hyunjin by the collar and slammed him against the wall harshly, rage coursing through his veins.

"Say that again about her! I dare you to!" Seonghwa warned.

Hongjoong immediately stepped in and grabbed Seonghwa's shoulder.

"Seonghwa....this isn't the place-"

But he couldn't get his statement out because Hyunjin shoved Seonghwa off him, getting ready to fight.

"I'm not scared of you Seonghwa. So try me." Hyunjin threatened.

Y/N looked over and saw many people taking out their cameras, ready to film what was going to happen. Then she took in Hongjoong's and Jongho's worried looks. Realizing she did not want to see him get hurt, she stepped in between them, making Seonghwa look at her in confusion.

"Y/N move. I don't want you to-"

He stopped talking when she wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tightly so he wouldn't move.

"Please don't do this. Please just don't..." She begged him.

Seonghwa opened his mouth to speak but ultimately didn't. His hands that were balled up into fists loosened themselves and moved to caress her lower back. He took a deep breath and began to calm down.

"Ok."

That was all he said as he unwrapped her arms from him, smiling down at her to make her stop worrying. He looked to Hyunjin one last time before threatening him:

"Don't ever let me hear you disrespecting her again or I'll bust your face open."

Seonghwa linked his hand with Y/N's and began pulling her away from there. Exiting the house, he guided her over to where he parked his car. Y/N fake pouted.

"No motorcycle tonight?" She asked in a whiny tone.

Seonghwa snorted. "If I remember correctly, you called it a 'death trap'".

"It is! But you know......makes you look even more attractive." She teased him.

Seonghwa pushed her up against the side of the car, his hands trapping her in between his body making her get flustered and look at him with widened eyes.

"Don't tease me or I won't be able to hold myself back. " He cautioned her.

He then moved her slightly away so he could open the door for her. He waited for her to get in before pacing over to the driver's side. Turning on the car, he swiftly pulled out of the driveway and started heading back to her house. They sat there quietly, unable to say anything. Seonghwa noticed how Y/N kept glancing over at him every once in a while.

"What's on your mind doll face?" He finally spoke up.

"Oh um....well that thing you said back there....at the party...." She mumbled out.

"I said a lot of things Y/N, you're going to have to be more specific." He looked at her momentarily before paying attention to the road again.

"The part where you said I was....your girl?" She said the last part very quietly.

When Seonghwa didn't respond for a while, she slumped her shoulders back, internally cursing herself for even bringing it up. She decided to just look out the window for the remainder of the ride. She didn't get it. Why was Seonghwa not answering her question? Did he not mean it? Was he going back on his word? Her mind began to swirl with all kinds of questions that she didn't notice that Seonghwa had already pulled in front of her apartment complex until he was clearing his throat.

"Hmm? Oh! Sorry. Thanks for the ride. I'll see you around."

She grabbed her purse and wanted to speed out of the car as fast as she could, but Seonghwa clutched her hand before she could move.

"Y/N wait!" He blurted out.

Taking off his seat belt, he turned to look at her.

"I didn't respond before because I wanted to talk about it calmly and with no distractions."

Y/N calmed down when he explained why he didn't immediately respond to her minutes before. Seonghwa looked down and took a deep breath before confessing:

"Y/N you know how I feel about you. From the beginning, I told you I liked you. I was attracted to you at first, but spending these two days with you, getting to know you even more..... I'm falling for you harder than I ever imagined I would..."

Gathering his courage, he looked up at her surprised face.

"I won't get my hopes up.... but it would honestly make me happy if you accepted to be my girl....make it official between us..... and actually start dating..."

He cringed at himself and the way he asked her. He for sure thought she would reject him.

"Seonghwa?"

Y/N's voice made him snap his head up.

"Yeah?"

"Do you mind getting out of the car?" She asked.

Her request puzzled him, but he did so nonetheless. He ran over to her side before she could even open the door, as he did it for her.

"Ok, why did you-"

He was cut off when Y/N grabbed the sides of his leather jacket and pulled his face down to hers, making him get his words caught in his throat. Y/N smirked at him.

"I thought you said you wouldn't hold yourself back if I teased you again?" She chuckled at his shocked expression.

Getting the hint, Seonghwa pulled her hands off him and held them in place.

"I'm not."

He closed the gap between them and cupped her cheeks as he kissed her tenderly, all of the feelings he had kept inside finally coming out in his kiss. Y/N pulled her hands out of his grasp and they went to the back of his head, running themselves through his hair as she kissed him back just as intensely.

Seonghwa pulled back briefly to ask.

"So....is that a yes or...?"

Y/N giggled and nodded yes before pulling him back in, this time kissing him even more passionately. Her hands moved to his arms that were clad with his leather jacket, yet she could still feel the muscles underneath the material. The thought of them exposed made her unconsciously bite down on Seonghwa's lower lip.

Moaning softly, Seonghwa pulled her off him once again.

"Ok ok, easy there kitten. If there's going to be tongue and second base involved, let me take you out on a date first." He joked, poking her nose.

"I thought you already did." She reminded him.

Seonghwa smiled. "Well then...how about a second date?"

Y/N hummed and thought about it. "Deal."

Seonghwa beamed with joy.

"Great then. I can't wait."

✿❯────「✿」───❮✿❯──「✿」────❮✿

Y/N could feel the stares from some of her classmates, but she didn't care. Let them think and talk about whatever they wanted. She couldn't care to pay attention to them, let alone pay attention to what any of her professors were saying. All day long, she kept thinking about Seonghwa and about their date later tonight. It was the only thing keeping her from going insane during these boring Monday sessions.

As soon as the bell rang, she stuffed her books in her bag and strutted out the door. Her plan was to get home as soon as possible so she could shower and change as quickly as possible for their date. But those plans were crushed when she was met by a familiar head of black hair sitting by the benches outside. Catching sight of her, he got himself up and walked over to her, looking her up and down.

"Hello doll." Seonghwa winked at her.

"I thought you said you didn't have any classes today?" Y/N remarked.

"I didn't." Seonghwa affirmed.

"Then why are you here?" She questioned him.

Leaning in, he responded.

"Got impatient and couldn't wait to see my little kitten."

Not caring that others would see, he cupped her chin and softly kissed her. When he pulled back, he muttered a soft 'cute' at her pink cheeks. Taking off his leather jacket, he wrapped it around her.

"It's kinda chilly. Put it on."

Seonghwa held her books as she put on his clothing, chuckling when he saw it was definitely big on her. Linking their hands, he took her out into the parking lot.

"Oh my God! You seriously brought that?!" Y/N complained when she caught sight of his motorcycle.

"Get used to her babygirl, you're going to see a lot of her too." Seonghwa handed her a helmet.

Y/N huffed as she put on her helmet. "I swear to god, you like this thing more than me."

"Nope trust me, I like you a lot more. A lot." He insisted as followed suit and put on his helmet.

Seonghwa waited until Y/N firmly adjusted herself behind him, his heart jumping when she wrapped her arms around him once again.

"Tell me when it's over." Y/N shut her eyes, gripping him even tighter.

"Calm down doll, I won't let anything happen to you. After all.....

You're my girl."

✿❯────「✿」───❮✿❯──「✿」────❮✿

[melancholicillusions]

"Ohh~! So Zuri, you and Vernon have been dating for awhile. What's it like?" Coni chuckled. Bumping her with his arm. Vernon let out an awkward grunt, he didn't mind your relationship going public but he also didn't want every bit out it out there. To be frank you guys were going to go public after your 3year mark, guess not.

Zuri looked around nervously glancing at vernon almost as if she was asking for permission. Before she could speak up for herself Doni commented.

"I was shocked when Dk accidentally revealed your relationship. I never thought I'd see an idol date interracially-"

"And to a black person at that." Coni interrupted.

They chuckled clearly not caring whether or not your feelings were hurt, though Doni jokingly scolded Coni. It was more of a 'don't say that haha' type scold. Everyone else on the other hand either wasn't impressed or let out an awkward laugh quickly looking around the room at Vernon.

"She's mixed though.." Joshua defended you only to be shot down by Doni.

"We were joking, no harm intended!" He chuckled.

They continued to poke fun at Vernon and Zuri. Occasionally flirting with Zuri which wasn't necessarily a problem till Doni started getting touchy. Vernon and the rest of SEVENTEEN stood up for her obviously.

"Zuri, can you twerk?" Coni asked Zuri put her head down whispering "no." Before backing into Seungkwan and making her way to Vernon.

"Hey could you guys cool it.. Please?" S.coups asked

"Yes this is really invasive and rude..." Wonwoo added.

But again they were brushed off by the two host. But their 'joke' about Zuri being sexually active with Dk was cut short when she ran off set with tears in her eyes, Vernon, Mingyu, and Hoshi running after her. While they cut the cameras and the rest of SEVENTEEN scolded Doni and Coni for many reasons.

_________________________

After about ten minutes of the duo not so low key poking fun at Vernon and my relationship and even suggesting that i was cheating on him with DK. I hadn't realized my vision was blurred, though once I did notice it was too late they were running down my face and i found myself running off set.

Mingyu was the first by my side comforting me but because of what was said. I didnt need anyone else being brought into this. I pushed him away from me, afraid that Vernon would have believed them. Not too long after Vernon ran in and everyone else did. Mingyu slid away from me muttering something to Seungcheol, Meanwhile Jeonghan, Dk, and Vernon where by myside.

"Sweetheart, we know you'd never cheat on Vernon." Jeonghan sighed rubbing her back.

"Ya, besides shes in the same group as him." Hoshi said a chuckle leaving his lips. Though he quickly backtracked apologizing after he realized it only made her cry more.

"Really Hoshi?! Wait outside please." Minghao harshly wispered.

"Vernon.. You know we're just friends right.. She's like a sister to me, nothing more. Right?" Seokmin whispered.

"Can Zuri and I have sometime by ourself?" Vernon sighed, waving his members off.

"Ah.. Ya.. Woozi and I will let them know that we wil be leaving earlier than expected.." Chan grabbed his elders hand leading him out of the room with the rest of the members following behind, closing the door behind them.

Zuri didn't even give Vernon a chance to open his mouth. "Its not true.." Zuri muttered standing up walking away from the couch, her back facing her elder.

"What?"

"It's not true! What they said.. Vernon, Seokmin and I are just friends." She spoke quickly looking down at the male.

He stood from the couch walking over to the smaller female putting his arms around her waist. A small smile played on his face. "I know you and Dk are nothing more than friends-  platonic friends."

Kissing her hand he guided her outside meeting the rest of members by the door.

"Here you go.." Hoshi smiled handing Zuri a gray face mask.

"Thanks Hosh-"

Zuri was disrupted by doni and coni walking down the hall, of course she knew her fellow band mates were protective but she would have never guessed they'd form a 'kill circle' around her... Well there was that one time when Dino caught someone trying to take panty shots and that didn't end well, for the culprit at least.

"We just wanted to apologize for earl-" Coni

"Don't." Jun said sternly pushing zuri further behind him.

"Our cars here, lets go.." Wonwoo said grabbing Zuri's sleeve in a protective manner.

"But-" Coni started.

"There's nothing more to be said." Vernon growled following behind Zuri and Wonwoo.

_____________________________

Around two weeks later someone leaked footage of what happened, Coni and Doni obviously got backlash.. But so did seventeen, more specifically Vernon and Zuri.

"How could you Vernon oppa!"

"Who cares? Its young love😳😍"

"Of course a halfy with another halfy, why am i not shocked."

"Fellow carats calm down it hasn't even been confirmed yet! Besides who cares if they're dating!?"

"Really a black korean girl? Vernon if you were gonna choose why not a Korean/white girl? 🙄"

"Shit.. I mean you guys have been in scandals but none as big as this... Sorry guys. This is my fault.." Zuri sighed flipping her phone over.

Dk shut her up "No. No, dont blame this on yourself. If I'd just kept my big mouth shut..."

"Its whatever." Vernon muttered slight irritation and sadness in his voice. "Zuri, lets go."

She looked up and around at her male friends her eyes unsure of what to expect. Minghao sat next to her.

"You might wanna go, he seems upset." Jun whispered.

"Geez, its almost as if we couldn't tell." Woozi rolled his eyes.

"Shut up." Jun chuckles putting the shorter male in a head lock.

Let the horse play begin.

"Wish me luck.." Zuri wispered.

______________________________

"Well?" He sighed looking at the computer.

"Well..?" Zuri sighed hesitantly walking over to him.

"What are you doing on Vlive Vernon?"

"We need to address something, something that Zuri and I've realized has gone viral over the past few weeks." He said.

Vernon was live and explaining the situation to over 100,000 people. Zuri couldn't help but stick around to see this out, she sat next to him playing with her hands and looking down. Falling into her own world of worries.

"Zuri. Zuri? Zuri?!" He shook her sholder.

"Ah, Huh? Oh..yes, Vernon."

"Are you ready? Or do you wanna wait?"

"For?" She turned her head to the side curious as to what he meant.

"To go public.. The fans are curious.. And we were gonna do it anyways."

"Oh sure."

"The answer is yes..." Zuri stated nervously.

"We are dating.." Vernon smiled.

Of course there were mixed reactions but for the most part they were positive.

"I love you Zuri.."

Smiling Zuri pulled him into a hug as he ended the live. "I love you too Vernon."

[chrisdiels-babygirl]

It's All In Your Head Baby

This is my original writing you do not have permission to copy it. Changing the boy or slightly changing details is still plagiarism. If I find out that you've copied my writing I will not hesitate to publicly shame you and report your sorry ass✌🏼😗

(Bold writing is her anxiety thoughts, just so everyone knows)

✨Trigger Warning- talking about anxiety✨

You know what the funny thing is, is that when Chris' and I had started dating I had told him that I had anxiety, he looked at me and said it wasn't a problem because he still liked me, but I don't think Chris realized how big a problem my anxiety was going to be until lately, I had really been feeling the affects of my anxiety lately, I couldn't stop myself from thinking that the boys secretly hated me and found me annoying, that they were only friends with me because they felt sorry for me, that Chris secretly hated and found me annoying too, that he knew he could do better than me and he was just waiting for a hotter girl to come along so he could dump me. I know I should be reminding myself that all five of the boys love me no matter what and Chris would never replace me, but thats the cruel part about anxiety it makes you doubt yourself and second guess everything that you know is true.

I decided to try to maybe sleep it off, maybe when I woke up my anxiety would have subsided. Just as I layed down and fluttered my eyes closed I heard footsteps entering the bedroom "Qué estás haciendo" Chris asked, I gently opened my eyes "I was gonna take a nap" he looked at me with his adorable big brown eyes that I loved "did you forget you said you were coming with me to the party for work tonight? If you're not feeling well you should stay home though" he softly uttered as he looked into my eyes. I shot up out of the bed "no no I'll go, just give me a second to get ready" I said as I started to look through the closet, as Chris walked back out I sarcastically thought to myself, great you couldn't even remember his work function tonight, he probably thinks you're a great girlfriend, that voice in my head was mocking me, it was feeding on my insecurities and I knew that but I couldn't stop myself from thinking those thoughts. I didnt even really make that much of an effort tonight, I didn't really wanna get dressed up to sit in a room full of women who were hotter than me and they didn't even have to try, so I just put on the first dress I could find, put some make up on, put some heels on and grabbed my clutch. As I walked out of the bedroom Christopher's eyes scanned me over, a lazy smile stretched across his face "Te ves hermosa como siempre mi amor" he said walking towards me, he's lying, I did my best to give him a smile as I rushed to get my coat before he could get to me "we're going to be late, come on, let's go" I said rushing out the door.

We were in the car on our way to the event, Chris had placed his hand on my thigh like he usually did when he was driving, problem is he visibly noticed me recoil when he placed his hand there, the thing is I was doing what I usually did, pushing him away before he got the chance to hurt me, because in my head I felt like if I pushed him away it'll hurt less when he inevitably leaves me, he carefully pulled his hand off my thigh and put it back on the steering wheel "nena is everything alright" he quickly glanced at me with worry in his eyes, "yes I'm fine" no you're not, I gave him a weak smile. As we walked inside the venue we saw the rest of the boys sitting at our table, as we got closer the boys stood up to greet us, I quickly turned to Chris "I'm gonna go to the bar, I'll be back" I said rushing off in the direction of the bar. I could see Chris and the guys as they talked glancing over here every now and again they're probably talking about how annoying you are, Zabdiel made his way over to me at the bar, he carefully sat down in the seat next to me "do you wanna talk about it" he softly spoke as studied my face he doesn't really care "talk about what, there's nothing to discuss" he audibly sighed "come on y/n, Chris said you've been really distant with him the past week, you wont let him touch you or kiss you and you've been ignoring the rest of us too, I mean come on I thought we were best friends and best friends tell each other everything" he had a pleading look in his eye he's not really your best friend, he doesn't really care.

Later that night as we walked inside the apartment Chris stopped in the middle of the living room " do you not love me anymore?" I whirled around "what" I looked at him with disbelief in my eyes "do you not love me anymore nena? Because lately you barely talk to me, you wont let me touch you, I mean for god sake you hardly even look at me anymore, so if you don't love me anymore I'd really appreciate it if you'd tell me instead of ignoring me" he exsasperated. How do I even begin to tell the man that I love that my mind has been deceiving me, convincing me that he and the rest of the guys secretly hate me "of course I still love you, how could you think I don't? but i cant tell you you're going to think I'm being rediculous" I weakly whispered, he grabbed my face with both his hands "look at me, look at me nena, I wont think you're rediculous, I just need you to tell me what the problem is so I can fix it" he desperately pleaded looking into my eyes while worry flooded his, I turned away from him crossing my arms across my chest "I just- I just feel like lately that I'm a burden to you and the rest of the boys,that you don't really care about me, that you don't really love me, that as soon as you get the chance to leave me for someone hotter you will, so I've been pushing you away because in my head it'll make it hurt less when you decide to leave me" I ranted, the room flooded with silence, I quickly turned around only to see that Chris stood there with tears brimming his eyes "how could you think that nena, I love you, I love you so fucking much, all I've wanted to do for the past week is hug you, kiss you and love you, but I just felt like you didn't want me around" he whispered as his voice cracked and he sniffled, I suddenly started to cry also "Chris I could never stop loving you, you're one of the best parts of my day. Its just lately my anxiety has been making me doubt everything, like when you say you love me or when you say I look beautiful" his face softened even more if that was possible as he walked over, holding my face with his hands again, resting his forehead against mine "thats all in your head baby, your mind is lying to you, I love you so fucking much and I'm gonna keep reminding you and showing you if thats what it takes for you to believe me, te quiero mucho bebé" he softly muttered the last part as he leaned in further to press his plump lips against mine, I could feel all the passion, love and yearning Chris had for me displayed in this one kiss, the last week I had been feeling so crappy, who knew that all I needed was to talk to Chris and get a kiss from him to start feeling better. We spent the remainder of the evening cuddled up while, Netflix playing in the background as white noise, Chris occasionally kissed me, while he continuously reminded me of all the things he loved about me, while I also reminded him of all the things that made me fall in love with him.