#They're dumb together again I'm so goddamn happy

[hairmetal666]

He hates Steve Harrington, everything about him. His stupid, upbeat pop music. His tall fucking hair. His annoyingly bright clothes. His bullshit German luxury car.

Eddie hates that Steve's a good guy. Hates that he carried Eddie's broken and dying body out of hell. Hates that the kids love him how they do. Hates that he and Robin Buckley are the kind of best friends who might as well be siblings. Hates the way that Jonathan is back and Nancy is happy, and Steve has no resentment about any of it. Hates that he'll never, for as long as he lives, forget about six kids and a Winnebago.

And he hates, more than anything of all, the way he's always finding himself in Steve's bed. The way he falls apart when Steve is deep inside, the way he begs for more, pleads for Steve to wreck him. The way Steve treats him so good that it makes him sob.

Eddie hates himself for not being able to stop. For wanting Steve so much that sometimes he feels it as a visceral ache in the back of his molars. He hates himself for how little fight his dumb traitor heart puts into not being astronomically down bad in love with the guy immediately.

And none of this is supposed to flow from his brain to his tongue to out of his mouth, but Steve fucks him so good and slow--gives him the most mind-blowing orgasm of his life--that it all just slips out of the safe confines of his mind.

"I fucking hate you," he says. Or pants, more like, he's all flushed and sweaty and covered in come, not yet settled back to himself.

"W-what?" Steve stutters. He's standing at the edge of the bed, damp towel clenched in his fist.

True, full consciousness strikes then and he doesn't know what else to say. Steve's big eyes are wide and sad, and Eddie's brain is screaming at him to fix it, and isn't that just another thing that he hates?

"Steve. Like. Fucking look at yourself, man." He waves his hand up Harrington's perfect body. "You're the most beautiful fucking thing in the universe. And you--you embody like every fucking thing I'm supposed to hate with your money and your athletic ability, and your whole goddamn clean-cut All-American boy next door bullshit. And I--I keep ending up here when everything in me says to run away, that this--you--are too good to be fucking true."

And Steve, he's pinching the bridge of his nose, looking more than anything like he's trying not to burst into tears and this--this cannot be borne.

"I love you so fucking much." His voice cracks and he reaches out to circle his fingers around Steve's wrist, the one holding the towel. "I love you so much and I don't deserve even a second of it. Not a minute. Because you're Steve Harrington, you're--"

Steve presses his hand (he hates the the wide palms and long fingers, how they're perfect, how they hold him and comfort him and wring out pleasure again and again like it's nothing, like Steve's hands were made for making Eddie come) over Eddie's mouth. "Shut-up, Munson," he says.

"I fucking hate you too." There's ease in the way he says it, a lightness in his eyes. "I hate that you don't use conditioner. I hate that your van makes that turkey gobble sound every time you turn a corner, and you refuse to let me look at it. I hate how loud you play your music, how it makes my fucking skin shake. I hate when you forget to take the damn chains off your jeans when you put them in the wash."

Steve climbs into bed, straddling him, towel long forgotten. "You know what else I fucking hate, Eddie?" He leans down, ghosting his lips against the tip of Eddie's nose, skimming his mouth. "I hate that I've never loved anyone like I love you. I hate that I almost fucking lost you. I hate that we can't spend every minute in this goddamn bed, so I can memorize every inch of your skin, every sound you make, every single way I tear you apart, and all of the things that put you back together. I love you, Ed. Every fucking terrible part."

[lacrimosathedark]

The Radioapple Haters™️ are at it again.

This time they're attacking shippers with the newly released Playbill.

There's so many issues with that. Beyond harassing people for ships is dumb.

This is what people are pointing at.

This is on the cast info page. It says Lucifer misses his wife.

So, three things about that.

Firstly, We Been Knew, babe.

His very first appearance, after his daughter says her parents split up, he's in a room covered in pictures of not just said daughter, but her mother too, and he's still wearing a presumed wedding band. If that's not "showing not telling" with a goddamn airhorn, idk how more clear it could get without Lucifer flat out saying he misses Lilith. So like...this is not new info. So there's nothing to really rub in. We knew this.

Secondly, this is in-character Lucifer saying this.

I'm not a professional, but when I was in high school performances, we wrote our own little Playbill bio info things. That seems to carry into professional ones too. If you can read the actual cast, some of the the actors less entrenched in the fandom culture have basically an IMDB of their relevant previous roles, while the ones you see at cons are more personable. Those were written by the actors. So, logically, the character bios are written as if by the characters. This could not be made more obvious.

So, logically, you can read that little above as Lucifer himself actually saying he misses his wife. Which leads me to--

Third, break-ups are messy and painful and Lucifer not moving on, unwilling to remove his ring or call Lilith his ex, doesn't mean they are still together. Hell, they could still even be technically married, doesn't mean they're still romantically entangled.

Look, I know the only seeming one-sided relationships in the show is Vox/Alastor and Adam/Lilith and every other "pair" are together or at least friendly (Chaggie, Huskerdust, Cherrisnake, Staticmoth, Guitarspear) but not every separation has to be a violent resentful split. Lucifer is explicitly Depressed™️ which can be hard for any partner to deal with, especially someone as ambitious as Lilith. It wouldn't be surprising if she, not even cruelly, thought she'd be more successful away from him even if he still loves her.

And all this is on top of the fact that most Radioapple shippers don't expect their ship to happen (some hope it does, some hope it doesn't, I'm personally neutral on the concept), and that a lot of writers and artists explicitly acknowledge and use Lucifer's love for Lilith in Radioapple because people love the drama.

I have several posts listing why one might ship Radioapple so I won't go off about it here, but suffice to say the entanglement between Lilith and Alastor and how the two are similar and different makes interacting with Lucifer interesting from any angle.

This also hurts me personally a bit because a lot of these people are Lucilith shippers and, yall, I'm one of you. I don't want them to get back together for many reasons, but I would love to see endless flashbacks of them obnoxiously in love. Most of my favorite works of fanart aren't even Radioapple, my primary ship, but Lucilith, in large part because of how adorable they are. How indulgent or smitten Lilith can look. How adorably excited or flustered or just happy Lucifer can be.

I love Lucilith. I adore Lucifer. I just also think his interactions with Alastor are funny and intriguing.

We don't need to hate each other. We can try to keep our little sandboxes separate, but we can play nice when we spill into each other, can't we?

I am really just so sick of the silly in-fighting. It costs zero dollars and zero energy to not be a dick. Need to type out a rant to get it out and off your chest? cool. But you can post it privately or delete it instead of going into peoples' ask boxes and and posts to be nasty. Not having the self control and wherewithal to not go out of your way to be a dick to people is honestly pretty pathetic. If you think you're so much better, prove it by being better, or being smug in your space. Making people feel like shit for a nonexistent fictional relationship does literally nothing for anyone and makes YOU look worse.

Dislike the ship all you want. No one cares either way. Just don't waste your limited time in this life making your distaste everyone else's problem.

[kerakeriza]

may i ask why you dislike the gray suit of damian, while I don't have an opinion on it I'm genuinely curious to yours

OH I AM HAPPY TO ELABORATE!!! please excuse how angry i sound. that is because i have been frustrated and angry all freaking day and i am so so glad to have an outlet for that anger via totally destroying the absolute TRAINWRECK that is his ugly gray suit.

here is the reference picture i will be using.

literally the worst color balance ever. why are only his mask, belt buckle, and shoelaces green? why is only the inside of his cape yellow? why is everything else gray!?!?!??! just the whole color pallete and the amounts of each color is horrendous. i can't even begin to describe how awful the PLACEMENT of each color is either.

2. his mask doesn't even fucking connect in the middle. he looks stupid. really, really stupid. he's not some mysterious magic guy who would have a reason to have his mask look like big bug eyes. he just looks stupid. we all know he's a powerless vigilante. it's dumb.

3. WHY does his collar splay out so weakly. either go all the way or don't go out at all. and why are the collar and hood's insides suddenly red? is he roleplaying as dracula? is that his problem? notice how it doesn't FUCKING match the mask. there is zero gradient here. straight green to red. he's like if a vampire was being forced to dress up like santa claus. why is he giving christmas? it's stupid. don't even get me STARTED on the random fucking... bars? under his neck. what the fuck ARE those? they're literally pointless. they clearly aren't holding anything together. they look nothing like cape clasps. they're literally just random metal bars on his clavicle for no goddamn reason. it's stupid. he looks stupid.

4. again a horrible awful terrible color gradient. deep vampire red to fucking cool dull gray. WITH YELLOW BEHIND HIM... ughhh. and the R looks so fucking stupid. he looks like he bought a knockoff red R from comic con or something and just pinned it there because that's where the R is ~supposed~ to go and not because it makes any sort of sense. why is it right smack dab in the middle of that red outline? it looks RIDICULOUS!

5. more random pointless garbo. the fuck are these straps for? just to make the suit harder to draw? is he trying to crush his own ribcage? the fuck are these FOR? besides looking ugly and stupid i mean. and why are they a lighter gray? they clash even more with the red than the darker gray does.

6. you look at this tiny baby cuck gloves and tell me that looks even halfway decent. first of all - again the red looks like ass with that yellow backdrop. is he cosplaying a condiment drawer? he's rocking both ketchup AND mustard i guess! and why the fuck are the gloves so SMALL? so SHORT? why have them cuffed to look like armor if they're just gonna be so small they invoke fully cloth gloves instead? the fuck is that for? and where did the SPIKES go? he LIKED the glove spikes. he was very obviously aiming for fatherly approval. it's not as if you can convince me he has his father's approval NOW, looking like such hot garbage. he looks like if condiment king had bad sushi for lunch and threw it back up and damian dug his costume out of the bile.

7. tell me, is it supposed to be a D? or an arrow? you'll notice how neither of those options make for an actual good idea. and why. is. it. GREEN! it matches NOTHING! and once more, the light gray? seriously? over a black belt on top of a darker gray suit? i can't even fully articulate just how ugly that fucking belt buckle is. awful shape, worse color, and it looks like a piece of shiny plastic that's painted to look like metal but really you know damn well it's plastic because you got it at the fucking dollar tree.

8. does the designer of this atrocity know that all the pointed edges only work if it looks intentional? the red tunic with yellow trim made it look good. it slayed. but the same monotone gray all over the tunic just looks sad. weak. like nobody bothered hemming his clothes. but that's not even the worst part. the worst part is how overdone all the sharp pointy triangles get. once you see the boots it's like, oh, he's just all edge and no point, huh?

9. why the fuck are the red outlines so BOLD here. so PROTRUDING... it looks just plain creepy. and why does the actual knee have to be the same color as the red of his pants, which are the same color as his tunic? it's so fucking BORING!

10. oh boy more useless metal bars clinging to his clothes for no reason! again, it's ugly as shit, has no purpose, and only exists to make the design look somehow even worse than it already does. NEXT!

11. these disgusting, grody ass pixie boot sneakers make me wanna snap somebody's neck. why are they so short? why do they have a double cuff? why are they literally just fucking sneakers with a rhino horn glued on? why is there a red squiggle down the middle? why are they a light gray? why is the sole red? did he buy them from the toddler section? actually, no, even toddler shoes have better color coordination than whatever the fuck is going on here. those green laces are the worst part of all. couldn't even do a dark gray for that, huh? the literal worst possible choice in color is exactly what they went for each fucking time but ESPECIALLY for these fucking boots. no, they're not boots, they're sneakers. my bad. these fucking SNEAKERS are so goddamn WACK that i think the only way anyone would actually buy them and wear them is if you slapped a 10,000 USD price tag on them and sold them under the gucci label, making way for young money influencers to waste all their cash on ugly garbage just to make a statement about how much money they have instead of spending their time and resources on actually developing a sense of style. but that's being generous, because not even gucci would sell something this fuck-ugly.

i'd waste my time redesigning this suit but i fear it'd drive me insane. my time would be far better spent analyzing costumes that actually look good and talking about why they work and are not so ugly they make me wish i could pour bleach into my eyes without dying.

[butmakeitgayblog]

I have a "What if" question that might sounds stupid, but I could totally be dumb and didn't catch the answer.

I'm reading your CI snippets and more specific the Bet pt. 2, they're kissing (beautiful moment) and Lexa tells Clarke that she has always wanted her (my heart is a puddle, great) but in the snippet where they fight because of CC (Cunt-Costia) Clarke actually ask a really interesting question: what would have happened if Costia never broke up with Lexa?

And yes, Lexa is super soft and vulnerable in her answer and she told Clarke (one of my favorite moment of ALL times, among all the ff I ever read) that she wouldn't survive losing Clarke (and that's why I think she'll be livid when Clarke does that accident with her car) but she never actually answer the exact question.

She told Clarke that right now she doesn't need to doubt their love because she would never cheat on her because she really loves her (and we know how much does that mean) and she couldn't image a life without her because she wouldn't survive it, but what if Costia never left?

Oo I love a good If/Then

Ok so, realistically, if Costia hadn't broken up with Lexa, they absolutely would've gotten married.

Raven was not lying that the two had been talking about the idea in the not-entirely distant future. And Lexa meant what she said when she told Clarke that she had been happy enough with Cos. Enough at least to choose that path for herself once upon a time. With Costia she was safe, and that's exactly what she wanted at that time. A wife who she more or less loved, who she was generally fond of and got along with, and who she was sexually compatible to. She had no real vulnerabilities with Costia. They had the same circle of friends, Costia had her own wealth and status that only helped amplify Lexa's own. Cos was exactly the kind of girl everyone expected Lexa to end up with, and she was perfectly fine with that.

She probably would've been unfaithful, but not because Lexa isn't a one-woman woman, but rather because eventually she would've felt bored and unfulfilled. Tho that would've been an understanding between them. Costia keeps whatever lovers she feels like having to herself, and Lexa would do the same. They'd be the quintessential Old Money marriage of two people who were together for fun, status, and convenience, with all of the usual bullshit that came along with it.

It would've been a shrewd marriage. A safe one.

One Lexa could never get hurt in.

Clarke would've kept going exactly how she was. She would've eventually straightened up enough to follow her father into finance and investment, and hated every goddamn minute of it. She would've kept on "not doing relationships" and left an even longer string of men and women in her wake. Her life would've been more or less unremarkable, nothing exceptional, beyond being a pitbull in her chosen profession. She would've been extremely successful, but lonely, and still entirely convinced she wasn't worth being loved.

They would've drifted even further than they were to begin with. Lexa - settling into her own little life of nonstop work and playing the doting wife, in between fucking her mistresses after hours and picturesque weekends with the in-laws in the Hamptons. Clarke - drowning herself in work and money, weekends of sex and top shelf bourbon. No calls, no Christmas cards, no visits home to check on the parents. Neither ever really acknowledging that the other one existed, much less having any kind of contact.

But when their parents pass?

When that evil bitch and the dipshit both go?

Meeting again at the funeral?

That'd be the moment that everything changes.

Because Lexa sits next to Clarke at the service smelling like the most intoxicatingly delicate cologne Clarke's ever smelled in her goddamn life. It's feminine, but muskier than she remembers the girl having smelled like so many years before. More mature. She thinks it suits her. But fuck, Lexa's still all legs and sharp jawline and those eyes that just scream of danger. The poutiness of her lips is really hard not to stare at when Lexa sits there so bored it's like she could fall asleep.

There's something comforting in knowing that, even after so much time and knowing how Lexa had spent the years playing house, she still sees through the bullshit fakeness of all this. Just like Clarke does.

What Clarke wouldn't know is that Lexa would've chosen that seat entirely on purpose, though she would've told herself it was just in the interest of annoying her estranged stepsister. Not because the sight of Clarke in her skin tight blazer and short skirt made her heart jump up into her throat like she was 17 again. Not because Clarke looks like the epitome of money and sex. Or like she doesn't give a fuck about the fact their last ties to their old lives are finally 6ft further out of their minds.

A few whispered jibes and morbid jokes to follow a few predictable insults would have them smiling. Because some things never change, even when so much else has.

And those insults would turn into plans to meet for coffee and coffee would turn into a lunch. A lunch spent actually talking like adults. Like strangers, but not quite, who are actually taking the time to get acquainted. Catching up about where they've been (despite them both vaguely knowing through the grapevine in one way or another) and what they've been doing. Who they've been doing. Comparing notes and unfortunately shared notches on their individual bedposts, though that subject dies quickly in lieu of just shameless flirting.

Because some things really never change.

That lunch would become lunches, would become meeting up whenever the hell they feel like. Visits to each other's offices and dinners spent behind closed doors, just the two of them locked away. All it'd take is one wrong look and the exact right thing to say, one too many touches that linger, and they'd be shamelessly fucking on every surface that would hold them.

Except unlike the trysts and flings they've had over the years with others... it's never just sex. Never. Not with them. And Lexa admits that one night, after months of lunches and dinners and stolen trips away together that they each blame on work, when she really realizes just how deep in fucking trouble she is. When she admits that this was why she didn't let anything happen when they were younger.

Because everybody has always been just everybody.

But Clarke?

She's Clarke.

That's when they both realize Lexa needs to find a really good divorce attorney. And that Clarke needs to get the hell over her fear of commitment.

Quick.

[dtmsrpfcringe]

So I came across this post on my dash and I would love to hear your take on it: ❤️

https://www.tumblr.com/irvinis/751566583397285888/angelsadvocate96-thank-you-for-this-detailed?source=share

In my opinion the art is beautiful and hurts no one, I don't believe it deserved that reply on twitter. What bothers me is the comments and theories. What is crazy to me is calling anyone who doesn't believe Michael and David are dating a homophobic. Also the whole "Michael never called Anna his wife" yeah because they're partners, not married. They've dated women as far as we know all their lives. Again, they also quote all the sexual comments Michael and David make to eachother as proof that they're dating.

There's also a very amusing comment that I must highlight: "They deliberately cropped a photo to just include David and Georgia, and ignored the "Michael is my work wife" quote by david in order to fit their narrative that Dt and Gt are in love."

I found it funny because they do the same. They ignore the many posts with their children looking happy, the videos with anna and georgia looking in love, doing stuff together, the quotes of them praising anna and georgia in interviews, talking about how much they love them and their kids, and only focus on the comments/pics/videos of Michael and David talking about each other 😂 why can't both loves coexist?? Why can't they be in a loving poly relationship? Why can't they be in love with their partners and just have a close friendship with one another? No, the only option they entertain in their brains is "gay couple/affair"? And we're the ones who are homophobic and close minded? So before they met they were doing what for years and years? Pretending to be in love and having kids "just cause"? 3 of the kids were born after they met on go if I'm not mistaken so how does that fit the timeline? 😂 I'm not gonna get into having sex just for making babies cause next thing we know we are demanding celebrities to make sex tapes each time they do it to prove it to us \0_0/

(When I say "us" I'm not talking about the person in the tweet, but the fandom in general whom they usually call antis or Georgia and Anna fans lmao)

I'm not saying them being in a romantic relationship with each other is impossible. As a bi woman, i never assume anyone's sexuality. But when you have female partners, and fall for a male, that's called being bi! I'm sorry everyone but these men are not gay as in homosexual! They can very much be bisexual and believe me, if they one day came out I would be the first person to say: they were right, we were wrong!

But please, don't be someone who simply denies bisexuality to exist. Anyone of any gender can be bi and be in a monogamous relationship, a poly relationship, with both men and women. It doesn't invalidate or make the other relationship less than!

My opinions aside, their sexuality is none of our business. Sure, I know fans like to speculate and I understand it, but we can't simply choose one option and claim it as reality above all else and brush off the other ones. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors so it's really dumb to claim we do based off of the little we see on tv/social media! - and yes I am including my view as well! By the little I see, they can be 2 happy straight couples, a poly quadruple (sorry if that's not the term), a bi couple (ignoring the ladies), but what they 100% are is 4 friends who love eachother and seen to be quite happy. And I'm very happy about that too.

I'm sorry for the long rant I've been awake for 2 days and am a zombie

sorry if this seems like it doesn't make sense I just woke up....

lmaoooo sorry I read this post and then had to read it again. Let me say this right fucking now: ITS NOT HOMOPHOBIC TO RESPECT BOUNDARIES THESE GODDAMN PEOPLE ARE GONNA KILL ME!!!!!

Also you're so right. There are a multitude of reasons the photo could have been cropped as well. When you post specifically about a couple you probably want the photo to be...well...about that couple. It's not that hard to figure out. There's a really funny thing here, where they say they're trying to make David and Georgia seem in love. There's no seem. They are in love here. I hate it when people pull this shit because what in the hell do you mean seem?! Things could be different if they were shit talking (joking doesn't count, bc if we wanna bring up jokes David and Michael have made about each other then we can, I'll be overjoyed.) or getting a divorce, but every indication they have they just completely made up.

The homophobia thing. I am bisexual. Nova, when she helped me run this was a gnc lesbian. Respecting the boundaries of complete strangers does NOT make you a fucking homophobe.

[rustfoxes]

The concept of a Dalish villager annoys me as well, why can't we let people be as they were. Would they honestly immediately give up their nomadic tradition to settle into a village just because of what's happened? Really?

What fucking city person wrote this shit, ain't no "I grew up in a forest" elf going to be surprised that a gryphon would hunt and kill halla if given an opportunity. Stop being so goddamn stupid about animals and nature. A predator wouldn't play nice with a prey animal just because oh my gosh it's so good and nice and evolved. Fucking my-cat-is-vegan people at it again...

Blaming Solas for everything has got to have been a meme at BioWare or something when they made this game, this shit doesn't even make sense at all anymore. A wild animal is weak and sick, one of the dialogue options is "This is Solas's fault". Hey dumb fuck, animals get sick and die all the time. This shit's less dialogue or worthwhile convo anymore, it's just "thanks Obama" at this point. I swear, someone's gonna walk into a table corner at some point and go "damn, this is Solas's fault".

Really wish we could sort inventory, at least order it by armour heaviness since we can't sell shit we don't want...

All the future gryphons are gonna be so inbred :v Also fully hate the concept of predatory animals being 'guardians' of prey animals. No they wouldn't be, stop being stupid. In my personal canon the gryphons try to eat everything in the forest after being let loose. Cause chaos, my children! Fly! Feed!

Good work, everyone who worked on the Butcher cutscene. Genuinely good cutscene and great voice acting.

Finished the game at this point.

Spoiler for ending: that fucking Trespasser music in the finale slapped me in the face and kicked me in the stomach. God Trespasser had the best music. Pretty surprised and disappointed that, with the combo of Hans Zimmer and Lorne Balfe, the music in DAtVG isn't more memorable and, tbqh, better. Trevor Morris is still MVP.

Honestly pretty pleased with how they managed to pull off the ending. Really wish the level of tension I felt during the last missions was what I felt throughout the entire game, but yeah. The ending managed to legit move me and left me with good vibes and you know what? Even with all my gripes and complaints, I am absolutely going to play this game again, shocker. It did grow on me as it went on, it has all the issues I've whined about earlier and yet. I'm really happy with the ending I got (I'm not crying because they're finally together, shut up) and now I'm curious to see other possible endings to the story.

Disjointed DAtVG feelings/opinions

I've played the game for a bit, I'm not too far in yet, and honestly? I hope it gets better. Spoilers & venting below as you might guess.

Everything seems to be tell, don't show. There's very, VERY little trust in the player. Characters happen upon a ruined village? "The village is ruined! There's no one here!" Yes, we can see that. Character looks upset? Text pops up on screen to tell you that IN FACT!! Character is upset. Couldn't have guessed.

Everything is explained out loud immediately, except the arguably actually important things. If I remember correctly, there's no mention of the 10 year (?) timeskip from DAI, everyone just now knows everything about elven magic and the Fade and the Veil EXCEPT FOR THE PLAYER. None of that is explained! New players are expected to just know, which in some games works, but when you throw characters into a magical forest and say it's Arlathan forest, how tf are they supposed to know what Arlathan is.

Why is Varric a brunette all of a sudden

Characterisation of returning characters is fucking wild. Fun, jokey Harding? Massive chip on her shoulder and real aggressive for some reason. Soft-spoken and measured Solas? Yelling, again, for some damn reason. Where is his iambic pentameter? And he hates blood magic all of a sudden?? Did the writers play the earlier games at all? Solas SPECIFICALLY says in DAI that blood magic has no morality to it and is merely a tool.

The game is linear to the extent that I cannot for the life of me see the point of the game asking you to wrap up unfinished business before moving forward. What unfinished business? You've locked us into a small room with 0 exits and 1 chest. There is no business.

So far there's been zero time for any of the story to breathe. There are no story beats, because the drum machine that is the pacing just keeps hammering on. The gravity of the situation has no time to set in for anyone. THE ACTUAL GODS OF MYTH HAVE BEEN BUST OUT OF GOD-JAIL. THIS IS A HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM. "Yeah, well, people would've died if Solas hadn't been stopped from tearing down the Veil." And this is preferable???? What the actual fuck. DAI Solas wanted to rebuild and to safe-guard his people. TWO of the people he wanted to PROTECT EVERYONE FROM are now out. But oh man, that Solas, he would've hurt folks. You think the wondertwins won't? Jesus fucking Christ.

The gameplay more or less just completely scraps character classes. Playing a mage rn and for some damn reason she has separate ranged attacks. What the actual fuck. What is the point of making people choose a class if a damn mage has to stand next to enemies to attack?

So far doesn't feel like an RPG at all. Starts in media res which is fine, but your character is already established as a cool hero and an important figure. Why? Why weren't we along for that ride?

Character movement is janky af, DAI was much smoother 10 damn years ago. Hopefully they'll somehow manage to fix it.

Either they needed better actors or a much better voice director, because holy shit is the dialogue awkward and halting and just... no.

Writers have clearly had shoes far too large to fill. Dialogue wants to be funny and witty and clever. It is not. Specially not with the phoned in voice acting.

Where have my Welsh/Irish elves gone? Wtf happened there? Also why wasn't there anyone around to tell the actors how to pronounce the elvhen words??

Why the fuck is the rogue our healer.

All quests so far have been walking from A to B, collecting some coins along the path, and then fighting 5 or 10 enemies. No variation at all.

Idk man, I really hope the game will find its legs as it goes on, but so far? Massively underwhelming and honestly quite disappointing. Absolutely does not feel like DA. People critisised DA2 for being rushed and DAI for a whole host of shit, but at least I felt like I was playing a Dragon Age game.

[malewifemanhunter]

Tonight I'm thinking about the tragedy that is MacDen

[nervousron]

Where do you stand on shipping Michael and Trevor? Pre-prologue did they have an established relationship, an unlabelled "thing," or just ridiculous romantic tension? How about post-canon?

i flip-flop on where I stand a lot. Especially with the pre-game stuff. I don't think it was ever an established relationship, but there are a lot of little comments in the game that make me think they had something going on between them.

(Post Deathwish conversation)

"we're back baby! Mike and Trevor - top of the world."

"T, come on."

"Trevor Philips and Michael... De... *fart sound* together again!"

"Yeah. We're together at this moment, but... ahh... you know it's not..."

"I know, alright? Shit, you're such a downer. I don't even feel drunk anymore."

"Well, you are still drunk. So cheer up."

"Nah, you ruined it."

(Drunk conversation)

(T) Fuck you, actually (M) Dont you wish

(Cutscene in By the Book)

(M) hey, fuck you (T) You know? I'm beginning to think that's exactly what you wanna do (M) Yeah, Jesus. I just said the same fucking thing to my wife

Trevor's attraction towards Michael seems to have been there from the get-go. Lamar jokingly refers to it as "love at first sight" and i dont think he was very far off. When Trevor blew their first robbery together, he was sent to prison for it. By all accounts Michael should've skipped town and continued on his way. But he didnt. He waited for Trevor, a man at this point he hardly knew, and that decision changed Trevor's life irreversibly. I think thats where his infatuation begins.

As for Michael I think the attraction to Trevor comes on slowly. He doesnt realize its happening, and when he does, he makes up excuses for himself so he doesnt have to worry about being a queer. Buddies jerk off together all the time. If your best friend is willing to go a little farther than that and doesn't make it weird in the morning, why not go with it? And if Michael loves him a little, so what? Who doesn't love their best friend. They're Bodhi and Johnny Utah. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid. That's all.

I think they had a good thing going for a while, up until Mandy got pregnant. Then they had an on-and-off thing for years that got more and more volatile as their friendship fell apart.( I wrote like 6 paragraphs about that but it was getting really lengthy so that's a post for another day lol.)

Or maybe they just never acted on it and the farthest they got was weird flirting, drunken three-ways with call girls, or jerking off to the same skin-flick. I can see em' all happening and its a horrible back and forth on my end of which makes the most sense canonically.

No matter what I think they had something really deep and guttural together before the Ludendorff heist

As for post-game i have my realistic idea of what would happen, and my idealistic ideas of what would happen.

Realistically:

Trevor is done pining after Michael. He still loves him, that will never change. But he's done with the heartache. They made up, and they'll hang out from time to time, but Trevor is never going to let his heart be broken by Michael again.

Michael is trying with his family. He wants to make his marriage work. He continues to fuck up, probably still sleeps around from time to time, but he's genuinely trying to stay with Amanda. He doesnt think about his past with Trevor very often, because if Trevor doesnt want to bring it up, neither will he.

They have a strained fucked up friendship, but a friendship nonetheless.

Ideally:

Abso-fucking-lutely. They figure it out. They're a goddamn mess together, but they're happy. They fight like they always do, but at the end of the day they're both trying

(im working on a post about my ending C Trikey thoughts that was supposed to be a reply to iagami a while back. i have so many ideas for a post-C ending for them and most of it is just dumb "lol thatd be funny" type stuff, but a lot of it has genuine thought put into it too. This post is already too long lol. thanks for reading through it!)

[karmaduck1]

Man, I'm just gonna ramble a bit.

Amnesia is the laziest fucking way to develop a story man and I hate it so much, but this is exaggerated because in Karmaland WE'RE ALREADY DEALING WITH AN AMNESIA PLOT!!! The heroes don't remember who they were, they're dealing with that with little flashbacks, and now Luzu and Quackity have amnesia about each other? Amnesia over fucking amnesia? Dude.

Not to mention that it's not the first time we got amnesia plot, Lolito already used that card in K4, it's being overexploded!

Now, besides the fact that it's lazy as fuck, can we agree that this is NOT a solution to the situation? Quackity and Luzu were FORCED to be friends again, they had no say in the matter and the events going as they are will have both of them confused.

Quackity already suspects something's off, and I'd like to think someone's going to tell him the truth about the situation, but I doubt anyone will unless he meets with his cousins again— which should happen because they are building the white house.

I didn't watch Luzu's perspective, but I know Luzu cubito isn't dumb, if he doesn't suspect right now that things are odd he'll do so sooner or later, and his assistant? Unless they retcon that his assistant won't obey Quackity, the assistant is loyal to Luzu, won't he try to look for his mayor?

Sooner or later this tower of lies should fall on Sapo Peta, and it would be even worse if it doesn't because then that means their friendship could only work if they're forced to get along.

Are you telling me that Luckity is so fucking toxic, so goddamn venomously toxic, so freaking, absolutely toxic in the levels of Chernobyl that it can only work if they're being forced together? Nothing against the ship, by all means ship what makes you happy, but the plot they're going for makes it look bad, man, and that's depressive, it's the signature ship of the season, come on...

[drabbles-mc]

Okay. Quick break but now back to losing my shit. Love this for me!

It’d been good. Real fucking good. -> the fucking SMIRK on my face right now. Unreal. Good for her. She deserves that.

Nice, like they were dating, or something. Like there was a genuine connection between them. -> EZ Reyes you big fuckin' sap I love you so much 😌

And then, nothing. No text, no call. -> Jesus. The journey you took me on in all of these lines back to back to back like this. Fuck me. Chef's kiss. I love them. Can't wait for you to terrorize them.

Like she’d been drawn up by Disney or some shit. -> Oh fuck meeee MJ this boy has it BADDDDD!!!!! I love it!!! He's drawing her name in the margin of his notebook with hearts around it already!!!!

The brother banter with Angel and EZ. They're both so dumb I adore them endlessly.

‘You slept with her?’ Angel’s voice pitches up, like he can’t believe it. ‘Damn, bro, it’s like you fucking hate happiness. My God.’ -> Between this and the bookclub comment I am fucking ROLLING. Angel, let the man enjoy it for a minute, goddamn.

‘Been in this club way fucking longer than you, and I ain’t never seen a widow go for a Mayan twice.’ -> Okay this put me back on my heels for a second. Because like. OOF. He's??? Probably right??? But this is DIFFERENT!!!! I'm shaking my fists at the sky!!!!!

I know her, and you don’t, even with all the years you had to get there. -> No but MJ I'm literally rolling around on my couch. I fucking love this. God. These two. They're gonna end me, you know. EZ is just so fucking real for this. I don't. I don't even know what to say I'm too busy shaking.

It’s EZ, full leathers and helmet, standing dark against the blinding pink of the walls. -> OBSESSED with the image of this!!!!!!!!

Now it’s her turn to frown, because she never got the impression Angel had the ability. -> SKSKSKS she's so fucking real for this

MJ I want to comment on all the little lines in their argument but you're too busy sweeping me up in the mess of this hurricane between them for me to separate out my thoughts. I'm just!! Trying to fucking keep up!!!

‘I might kill him, actually. Think that’s probably the best solution.’ / ‘That or sewing his mouth shut.’ -> 1. I love them. 2. I cannot explain how happy I am that things are starting to smooth over between them. I need them to kiss and make up and live happily ever after together. And also sew Angel's mouth shut lmao

‘Mhm,’ she nods, matching his tease, ‘keep going. Your chances of never touching me again are really starting to sky-rocket.’ -> I know she's LYINNNNNNN but god this is such a good note to end the fic on!!!! MJ I'm beyond fucking obsessed with them. Canon can kiss my entire ass all I care about now are EZ and Ava 😌

in his shadow - pt. 4

ez reyes x oc: ava gomez (& bonus angel), 3072 words

for day 26 of whumpril, using alternative prompt: words that can’t be taken back

a/n: ahh i love making drama for the sake of drama, it’s so good for the soul

tagging: @cositapreciosa @drabbles-mc​ (let me know if u want to be tagged!)

previous part here

It’s been a week, well, a weekend and a day, and EZ still hasn’t heard from Ava. The last he saw of her, she was leaving the trailer, hair a mess, jacket and near-empty tequila bottle stuffed into her bag. It’d been good. Real fucking good. Nice, like they were dating, or something. Like there was a genuine connection between them. And then, nothing.

No text, no call.

He’s trying to be chilled about it. No biggie, because they aren’t dating, are they? They barely even know each other. Well, that’s a lie, even if it does make him feel better to think it. They’d gotten close fast enough to feel like he’s known her as long as the rest of the guys have. Longer, even. Maybe. He knows things she’s never told them. Heard the shit that goes on behind that doe-eyed expression, that endless look of kindness. It sits in her features even when she’s swearing, or chatting shit with liquor on her breath. Just endless, endless, kindness. Like she’d been drawn up by Disney or some shit.

‘The fuck you smiling about?’ Angel asks, lips tweaking like he’s in on it, catching his brother’s attention.

They’re parked up outside the sandwich place they can’t get enough of, waiting for the food coma to settle before they leave again. Angel’s reclined on his bike, head against the handle bars, EZ’s standing on the sidewalk, shoulder to the nearest pole.  

‘Nothing.’ EZ shrugs. ‘Just thinking.’

Keep reading

[a-libra-writes]

Hi Libra, I hope you're doing well! It's me, the Sandor anon again 😅

I don't know if it's okay to send this, since reqs are closed, if it isn't I'm really sorry. I just wanted to know your opinion about how Sandor would celebrate the holidays with his SO, the ones with Stannis and Ned were so adorable.

Thank you for answering the previous ask and this one too! Again, I apologize if it's not okay to send this!

xxxxxx

late-ass holiday ask wheeee. this is fine lol its not a long-ass request (like the ones with a million characters), eventually i will make a rules thing so this is more clear. at some point. probably. ANYWAY.

In a modern AU, Sandor is a total grinch and this is zero surprise to anyone who knows him. Whatever semi-pleasant holiday memories he had as a kid have been thoroughly locked away, and now he's just goddamn grumpy about it. Between people acting like idiots buying things and decorating and shit (i.e. his employers, the Lannisters) and the fucking cold, he has no time for this.

Doesn't decorate or do shit. He's somewhat pleased about getting hard cider at a good price and alcoholic eggnog.

He has such a scary face when someone says 'happy holidays!' that it just kind of dies on their tongue...

So when he gets a partner who loves the holidays, he's in for a wild ride. When he comes home to a fully-decorated apartment, he just grunts and grumbles and complains about all the lights and tacky decorations and the huge tree they somehow fit through the doorway...

... But if they're genuinely happy and having fun, and looking cute doing it, he'll keep the grumbling to a minimum as he helps them put up lights and decorate the hard to reach places. He thinks it's dumb, but the baking isn't so bad... And maybe the tree all lit up with ornaments you hand-picked doesn't look awful ...

He might even wear a warm, wool scarf you picked out with a slight red and green motif. Only because it's practical.

If there's a holiday party for your job, you will quite literally have to drag him. It's just not his scene.

Baking-scented candles are the bane of Sandor's existence bc he thinks you're actually baking - so if he had to choose, ones that smell like fir trees or laundry is better.

Yes, he puts on Die Hard when you ask him to pick a Christmas movie.

Sandor's an expert at making a big, cozy fire in the fireplace or even a bonfire outside! Cuddling next to you and roasting marshmallows and hotdogs is actually pretty enjoyable. He gives like two perfectly-cooked weenies to your dog and one marshmallow.

He's pretty embarrassed when you put a stocking with his name on it above the fireplace, and even moreso when you wrap presents all cute. He tries the same effort, but he's awful at wrapping... it ends up all duct-taped together. He hides it behind the other things and gets red-faced when you pull it out. Definitely someone who likes to open presents in private and not in front of others.

[cherrybombfangirlwrites]

(from @flowerprose)

happy sts, anna! do you have any favourite words, themes, scenarios, or tropes that you like to reuse or insert into every wip? what are they?

Happy STS!

I describe blood a lot. And I feel like I've been describing hands a lot lately.

Here are some tropes and scenarios off the top of my head:

I've said this many times but I don't care: The nightmare trope. You will find this one at least once in every writing piece i have, if not multiple times. The character also tends to be plagued by nightmares more often than not.

Trauma. I love to break my characters and make them suffer then watch them at least try to put themselves back together. the best payoff is when they finally heal and find peace and it still hurts and the scar is still there but they're ok and they're happy.

couples (usually romantic but platonic too) where they are a team and it's them against the world. I prefer to write healthy relationships where the two work together and it's them vs the problem rather than them fighting with each other (nothing against times in media where a toxic relationship is needed for the narrative and the behavior isn't romanticized, i'm just personally not fond of the whole thing).

Going off that, even better if the two have been through hell and back but always come back to each other and are true soulmates because they always choose each other in every circumstance and they are each other's sanctuaries and they're both broken but they always take care of the other first and it hurts to love each other and it's so hard to keep loving the other but they choose to love each other anyway because it's more than worth it and they love the other so goddamn much- almost every single couple I've ever written falls into this dynamic and i love it it's my favorite thing ever i want someone to inject this directly into my veins

People who should not be parents (in the sense that they're dumb, not that they're awful people who would hurt the kid) getting a child thrust into their arms and reluctantly deciding to take care of it and then getting attached and eventually they would burn down the world for that kid. it's my favorite thing to watch happen, and it doesn't happen all of the time in my writing but it's very frequent.

the chosen one trope but it's actually traumatic for the 'chosen one' and they usually get a large dose of gifted kid syndrome and they place all of their worth on being the chosen one and what they're good at and they feel like no one cares about them outside of being the chosen one and they become people pleasers and and are afraid of asking for help and admitting that they are not ok and aaahhh i'm projecting again-

Dark and chaotic humor. it's everywhere.

PLATONIC SOULMATES (romantic soulmates too, but platonic is superior, especially with a group)

...... the bodygard x protectee trope. i don't care how dumb or cliche it is you pry it out of my cold dead hands- It's not everywhere but it is very frequent and I will pour my heart and soul into it. Raven and Sapphire my beloved <3

…. Whump

Thanks @flowerprose !

[blushinggray]

Free! The Final Stroke screeching/reaction (spoilers)

AHHHHH I JUST WATCHED THE FINAL STROKE MOVIE TODAY IN THEATERS ON PREMIER DAY AND IT WAS LAKSJDFOAIFJWOEI to summarize it all, it was Very Gay, which was to be expected but they DID NOT have to get so freaking extra with it 😩😩😩

much screaming and many spoilers ahead

FIRST OF ALL, KIRISHIMA NATSUYA: HE WAS SO FUCKING HANDSOME DAFKJOIEFJOSIDJF. SO HANDSOME. SO HANDSOME AND STUPID AND OVERLY FRIENDLY AS WE LOVE HIM TO BE ALKDSJFOAIEW.

he was in the film for a total of maybe 5 minutes altogether, which was kind of a lot bc the film kind of was just putting all the characters back in for the sake of putting them in imo? for the fans, lol. so everyone could see their faves. and in these five minutes that he appeared, our mans:

bragged about his little brother he's so proud of

got laughed at by nao for being natsuya (aka dumb and straightforward) as usual

trained with sousuke (he was hanging out in the same pool with him, nao, and makoto to train and aid in sousuke's rehab training)

got a call from ikuya after the international swimming competition in sydney!!!! in that same cafe he's always at!!!! and he was with nao at the time he got the call. casual and cool as always, being the cool big brother or whatever. he ended the call with a curt, "you got it. see you. don't catch a cold."

HE WAS HANGING OUT AT CAFE MARON WHILE THEY WAITED FOR THE SYDNEY COMPETITORS TO COME BACK TO JAPAN. HE WAS BEHIND THE COUNTER WITH ASAHI (WHO WAS HOLDING BABY TSUKIMI IN A CARRIER ON HIS CHEST!!!!!) AND HE THREW HIS ARM AROUND ASAHI AND WAS GETTING SO CLOSE LIKE ALKSDJFAOIEJAOEI. I have absolutely no clue what he was saying at the time bc i was too busy freaking out and trying to hold in the sounds bc the theater was so quiet. but his GODDAMN FACE. HE WAS SMIRKING. SO HANDSOME 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

and of fucking course, they were all out together at a restaurant when the sydney competitors came back, and he was like, "wth no one else is drinking alcohol tonight?" and nao was like "ofc not haha" AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

HE FUCKING FALLS ASLEEP AT THE TABLE AFTER DRINKING AND EVERYONE IS SURROUNDING HIM AND PATTING HIM LIKE "dude..." and ikuya is sitting there like, omg can't believe this mess is my brother....

i thought that just might be his last scene in the film but then we show back up to the kirishima household and natsuya is eating some sort of luxury holiday(?) bento and ikuya is like "aren't you gonna save any for me?" and natsuya's like "of course not. this is for me, you gotta wait until next year xD" and then ikuya just fucking SNATCHES up several different foods and stuffs his face with all of them and natsuya starts arguing with him over them laskjdfoawiefjao where was this brotherly affection all this time?????

and then cut to a few seconds later, natsuya's bumming in his room on the floor like in s3 when ikuya comes in and tells him about his new future goals and alskdjfaoei brothers sharing their ambitions together 😩😩 WHAT IS GOING ON. EVERYONE GETS ALONG SO WELL NOW???

NEXT: we'll go back to the beginning i guess lmfao but they're preparing for some sort of university festival

we start off with an easily misunderstandable shoujo-style situation where asahi is talking to ikuya like, "i know it's your first time... you don't have to be nervous. i know you can do it." and ikuya's like "no! i can't 😣" like the tsun he is backed up against the wall. and then it turns out they're trying to make a mille feuille cake.... but everything he's made so far looked like crepes

and for some damn reason, KISUMI comes outta nowhere into the kitchen and is like "ooooh what's this? a mille feuille cake? although they all look kinda like crepes haha ^^" and then ikuya RUNS THE FUCK OUT OF THE KITCHEN, yelling, "i told you i couldn't do it!!!" like the fucking tsun he is... and asahi is yelling at kisumi like "why did you just say that!!!" and starts rubbing his knuckles into kisumi's head and kisumi's just laughing like, "oh did i do that hehe"

and for some reason... seijuurou is working at the booth in his speedo and swim team jacket. i mean i'm not complaining but sir.... PLS TAKE MY MONEY AND GIVE ME YOUR FAT OCTOPUS BALLS. (he literally started a batter mixing competition with hoshikawa inside the booth, like what are they even doing in the same booth???)

then rin and sousuke show up to ikuya, asahi, and hiyori(?)'s booth, and they're offering them the crepes and then they get into a conversation about smth that leads into them showing the embarrassing photos they have of each other?????? like ikuya has a pic of rin in his maid costume for some reason??? (tho it isn't shown) and rin shows an embarrassing pic of ikuya he has in his phone that he got from natsuya???????????? and then ikuya starts chasing after rin yelling at him to delete it lasdkjfoaei

and then haru is off to the side selling ugly ass bird mascots again lmfao. bc ofc he is. love that weirdo

BUT THE REAL KICKER HERE IS KINJOU!!!!!!!!!!!

APPARENTLY, HIS VILLAIN BACKSTORY COMES FROM HIS CHILDHOOD CRUSH (/exaggerated) ON HIYORI ALSKDJFOAIE WHAAAT. apparently he was that annoying kid in the playground who would go up to hiyori and bother him bc he wanted a friend. bb hiyori was literally like "why are you even talking to me so much?" in his sandbox. and bb kinjou is like, "well there's gotta be smth you like, right? what is it?" and hiyori's like "well i feel kinda happy when i'm swimming... :)" as images of ikuya flash into his mind, that gay ass

BUT KINJOU'S GAY ASS EYES START SPARKLING TOO AND THEN HE'S LIKE "I GOTTA LEARN WHAT THE BIG DEAL ABOUT SWIMMING IS" and he runs home, begs his brother to take him to the pool. but next time he brings his swimming stuff with him to the playground, hiyori isn't there anymore and apparently he left for america at that time (or smth). so poor baby basically got ghosted

but hiyori still knows him when they're older!!!! kinjou shows up when they're throwing out the trash after the uni festival and calls out to hiyori to taught him (which is where that bullying preview scene came from i guess) and alkfjeoiaejoaifj omfg it's like that estranged childhood friends (sorta) trope but it'll never go kinjou's way bc hiyori is and will always be in love with ikuya 😔

kinjou would make such a good yandere tho!!!! he has a feral expression on a few times throughout the movie, and during a race he gets super competitive mid-race and... ngl he was kinda sexy 😳 i'm actually kind of surprised by how taken i was with him in this movie. doesn't help that he's unfairly handsome and his hair looks fucking amazing. i MAY OR MAY NOT be exploring this man in the future..................

i also found the ending with haru pretty interesting!!!! it kind of hints at neurodivergence? smth along the lines of disassociation or multiple personalities? (guess 50% off was kinda right on that end lmfao).

he gets obsessed with beating albert wahlander, which is the most fired up i've ever seen him (to the point of almost hurting himself) and then the shadow or whatever effect albert has on haru kind of just overtakes him and pushes haru out of his own body in a way... it doesn't make sense to describe it this way, i know, but haru is literally watching himself say hurtful things to his friends while being overtaken by this... albert obsessed persona?

it's so interesting to see haru being the one obsessing over someone instead of the other way around for once!!! at the end of the movie (after all the credits) haru says the same thing he once said at the beginning of season 1? about how "at age 5, you're a prodigy. at age 15, you're a genius. at age 20(?), you're average." and this is def gonna be explored/concluded in the second part of the final stroke movie so i'm excited for that!!!! april 2022 come at me!!!!

there were SOOOOO many other things going on, plot wise and fanservice wise, and ofc kyoto animation was fucking TOP TIER SHIT. all the water effects... there was a shot where haru was looking at his reflection in the water and they make a drop fall and spread and shake his reflection in the waves and it was lafkjsefoiaeja fucking glorious. the soundtrack was lovely too. there was a RADWIMPS-esque beginning song and a sexy ass electric guitar buildup for kinjou (which may or may not be contributing to my growing obsession with him...)

AHHHH!!!! it was so good and everyone was so cute and handsome and gay and funny. we literally see every single character we've met before in some way, shape, or form lmfao. i might just go back to the theater and watch it again on one of the upcoming holidays this week.... SO GOOD. SO GOOD.

I LOVE ALL THESE GAY SWIMMING BOYS SO MUCH 😩😩😩

[taramaclaywasaterf]

Hey guys, I know I said I was taking a break. And I am. I’m not actually, like, back back. I just need to vent, I guess.

For those who don’t know, my grandfather committed suicide. He’d been battling lung and stomach cancer for years, and the pain had gotten so unbearable that I guess he couldn’t take it anymore. He’d been in and out of the hospital for years, and the whole month leading up to his death, he was home maybe 4 nights total, the rest spent in the hospital. My dad found him. We’ve been grieving together. It’s been hard.

My family doesn’t really get along that well. Basically just me and one of my cousins are really close, but that's it. My grandfather was kinda the glue that was keeping everyone together. His death was kind of like the final string that was tying us all together being severed.

I don’t know. The police had to come. It was really really bad. They had to make sure he wasn’t murdered.

I just hope it was quick. I hope he’s with my grandmother now. That she was waiting for him on the other side, wherever that may be. That he’s not in any pain anymore. That he knows I love him so fucking much.

As for me, I just feel…I just feel fucking numb. This happened two days after the anniversary of the death of my best friend, and less than a month after the death of Trevor Moore, a comedian whose sketches made me laugh during the worst times of my childhood and whose sudden death really fucked me up.

I kinda just shut down. I didn’t really cry at all the first day. The second day all I did was cry. After that, its like my body physically stopped letting me feel anything at all. I’m just numb. And tired. And my fucking head hasn’t stopped hurting.

I walked around his house and got some things I wanted. Some old photos. Cards I made him when I was little that he kept all these years. Some love notes my grandmother wrote him when they were young. His favorite hat. I found a photo from his wedding to my grandmother, and its now hanging above my bed. Its crazy how much I look like her. How happy he looked to have her in his arms.

I also brought home his cat. I was terrified he wouldn’t fit in with my two cats and dog. But after a bit of a shaky start, and a lot of hours spent sitting with him trying to get him to trust me, he’s settled in. My grandpa rescued him from a shelter when he was a few years old. He loved my grandfather more than anything. I can tell he’s still mourning him, like we all are. But I like to think we’ve been helping each other get through it. I hope my grandfather knows I have him. That he’s not going anywhere. That he’s safe with me, and he’s happy and warm and loved. He’s curled up on my lap right now as I write this. He’s purring quietly.

I miss him. I wish I told him more that I love him. I wish I spent more time with him. I wish I could’ve at least said goodbye. I’ve been through a lot of grief in my life, and it never fucking gets easier. I wish I could take this feeling out of me leave it somewhere for a while. I wish I could fix things. I wish my dad didn’t have to see what he saw. I wish I could make it better for him. I wish this wasn’t how things were.

As for how I am right now, well, I’m laughing. Hysterically. And crying. A lot. I took a break writing this post because it was getting too hard, so I distracted myself by watching dumb videos on my phone. Until this video of Trevor Moore popped up in my Youtube recommended:

And now I genuinely can’t fucking stop laughing. Like, holy fucking shit, Trevor. You really had a way of making jokes that are flat out prophetic, huh? Here I’ve been, on the verge of relapse for the past month over how bad your death fucked ME up, and here you are, years ago, calling me out for how completely and utterly ridiculous I am. And the fact that I’m even writing THIS right NOW makes it even worse! Look at me, acting as if you fucking died to make me learn a fucking lesson! As if my own fucking grandfather died to make me appreciate life more! As if my best friend wrapped her goddamn car around a tree just to make me realize how precious fucking friendships are! As if the entire fucking universe revolves around deliberately fucking my life up! Its pathetic! Its fucking tragic and fucked up and absolutely mind-blowingly fucking pathetic! And yet here I am, writing on the fucking internet to you, Trevor, still doing the same fucking thing! And I can't fucking stop laughing, because this is the most Trevor fucking thing I can possibly think of!

Like. I don’t even know what to do anymore, guys. I know I said I’d be taking a break, and I still am. I just needed to get this out. I don’t want to bother my friends with it, they’re worried enough about me as it is right now. They're kinda treating me as if I'm made of glass right now, which I understand, but its still frustrating. I know they just want me to be ok, and just want to keep me from doing anything stupid and fucking up my life again, but still. Being treated like a paper doll at a waterpark is getting tiring. I guess it just speaks to how entirely not-great I'm doing- that even my closest friends aren't making jokes about this shit- they're acting like I'm some fragile fucking child. But yeah.

Again, I know they mean well, and they just really don't want to see me get sucked down into that fucking void again, but I want to be distracted from all the fucked up things in my life. I want to laugh about it, and not be constantly fucking reminded of how bad things are every time I catch them looking at me like I'm some sad little puppy dog they found on the side of the road.

Oh! to top it all off, I got a letter in the mail yesterday. From my mother. Who I haven't spoken to in around a decade, because she was an abusive addict who made my childhood hell. She wants to have fucking coffee and "catch up." Jesus fucking christ, why now. Seriously. Why fucking now? Nothings been released publicly about my grandfather yet- the only people who know about it is immediate family, and everyone on my dad's side of the family fucking hates my mom almost as much as I do, so there is no way in hell anyone told her about it. So this is just a total coincidence. A giant fucking cosmic "fuck you." (Oh, look, there I go again thinking my existence is meaningful enough to the entire enormity of the universe that it would target me specifically to fuck with! Jesus fucking christ!) Like, I swear to god this fucking woman has some sort of alarm in her brain that says "oh hey, my daughter is at one of the the lowest points in her life?? Time to drop on by and say hello!!!!"

Just...I don't even know. Fuck. I don't know how the fuck I'm gonna get through all this shit, yall.

Well. Anyway. Thats it for now.

Find Kony 2012, I guess.

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 35 - watching notes

Jin Ling just freed wwx for ... whatever reason. Wwx thanked him by knocking him out ... for whatever reason. Just so we all now where we're at right now ;)

Btw, I assigned wwx and lwj their own heart-colours for no goddamn reason other than boredom. Wwx is 🖤 and lwj is 💙

Aww, jiang Cheng has never hit Jin ling. At least that hasn't changed yet. He's all "tough love" in theory, but really, he never acts on his threats.

Speaking of Jin Ling: I feel like he tries really hard to emulate his uncle, but doesn't have the trauma to back that grumpy attitude up, so it just comes off as bitchy :D

Staring at your bro as he's standing on a britch, bathed in moonlight, the water facing shadows on his perfect hair ... you're so dreamy ... bro

You know why he's sticking with you, wwx?

Seriously though? Their love is one of the healthiest I have seen in any story in a long time. I'm sure others have already written meta posts about it that go way deeper and are way more well thought out than anything I could say at this point, but still ... at no point in the story so far (except maybe when wwx jumped off that cliff, but I'd say those were extraordinary circumstances) did they ask something off each other that they weren't willing to give. Wwx may have wanted lwj to stay and stand with him when he saved the Wens, but he accepted lwj's decision without question and didn't hold a grudge when they saw each other again, quite the opposite. And lwj? He was worried about wwx choosing the demonic path for what it would do to him, but he let him make his decisions anyway. The point is, their individual lives and the decisions they had to make, independent of each other, let them apart. But when fate made their paths cross again, they were right there, ready to lend a hand without question.

Their only flaw as a couple is that they are too goddamn emotionally damaged and/or closed-off to properly communicate their goddamn feelings ...

But I'm still not through with the show, so who knows, maybe I just wrote some bullshit 😅

Oh, I forgot the leg curse!

Quick! Get Snape! He'll fix you (for about a year)

Awww ... lan Wangji remembers how wwx wanted to carry him on his back and wwx doesn't 😭😭😭

The look on his face :(

Who would have thought that one day, wwx would be the one to reject physical contact, while lwj insists on it ...

This scene makes me weirdly emotional and I don't know why! 😭

No, I know why ... because wwx has learned not to ask for or expect help from anyone since these first days of them knowing each other and here lwj is, offering it anyway :')

Never has a piggyback ride been so romantic :D

Nie Huaisang!!!

His vocabulary seems to have shrunk to a single sentence

Lwj even readily gives wwx liquor ... 😱

You know who wwx reminds me of when he's in detective mode?

Okay okay lwj, you don't have to support his alcoholism quite as much

So Nie Huaisang just implied that he has some sympathies left for wwx 🥰

Than again ... that might be because their clan doesn't practice what the other sets would consider proper cultivation either, right? I get why wwx would scoff at that

I gotta ask: why, WHY would you become a grave robber in a world where seemingly every second dead person comes back to habit people???

That's just dumb

The flashback. Gosh ...

Is this a role reversal au? Now it's wwx who won't let lwj undress him to look at his wounds

Lwj's smile when they're playing together!!! 😭😭😭

Poor Nie Huaisang. He just wants to collect his Fans and have his ancestral burial grounds not repeatedly demolished by cultivators

*stressed fan waving increases*

Oh no

The fuck?

Is this was qui deviation looks like? 😱

Poor Nie Huaisang 😔💔

Okay so, the central question rn is: who killed nie Mingjue?

Jin Guangyao was there ... I have a suspect 🧐

Oh not again! (With the framing wwx)

I wonder if Nie Huaisang did recognize wwx after all. I'd be surprised if he didn't

How did lwj recognize him? Should I rewatch the first 2 episodes?

The same wine house they've been to before and this time it's lwj who "drags" wax into it. At this point, I'm pretty sure these parallels are intentional

Oh nice, wwx agrees with me :D

Wait ... is this ... because wwx's memory is somewhat lacking and lwj wants to refresh it ... if so, I'm sad now 😥

Oooohhh! They're talking about Xue Yang! When was that episode 6 or 7 or something? They expect me to remember that? 🙈

Oh so Xie Yang changed allegiance from the wen clan to the Jin clan. Why am I not surprised?

No ... what happened to Xiao Xingchen and Song lan? 😥

Did lwj just take a shot???? 😱😱😱😱😱

Ha! That's gonna be interesting next episode :D

You know what I liked most about this episode? Lan Wangji was so obviously happy!! (Maybe aside from the last scene) For him, the things he did this ep were practically bouncing around with glee. It warmed my heart 💙🥰

[namtanlovesfilm]

What are your favorite women characters in thai series?

hell yeah I'm ready for this question! I think it's time we shine more light on the great female characters in thai dramas!

Mew in 3 Will Be Free: hurt by the past yet still standing strong, sassy and honest

Fai in Together With Me: does not need no man, is set on her dreams, supports her friends even if they're big dumb-dumbs

Yui in Fabulous 30: pining in secret, boss lady, literal goddess who still has confidence issues

Arisa in The Stranded: feminist, badass who's not afraid to venture out on her own, bisexual icon, has the best comebacks and will definitely save the whole island in season 2

Love in Great Men Academy (although she has a male body for most of the show): adorable, innocent but not dumb, hopeless romantic, secretly strong and clever as hell

Bell in Project S: SOS: sensitive and soft, would fuck up her life for those she loves, strong and beautiful, not afraid to cry in public

Aei in Wake Up Chanee: one of the best character developments, went from a girl obsessed with changing herself to find love to being confident in being single and becoming her own person. also hilarious af and a great friend

Manow in Until We Meet Again: the most supportive friend, a cutie and has the best positive energy, wants all of her friends to have happy relationships, your number one fan who deserves the world

Yihwa in Together With Me (despite having been completely destroyed in twm next chapter let's forget about that): fashion icon, confidence through, will root for your relationship and force you to stop being dumb, will slay all of your enemies

Yuri in Love Sick: a little annoying but with a huge heart, only want to do well for everyone around her, will never talk shit about someone even if they hurt her

Claire in The Gifted: sassy mean girl who's actually just very in love with her boyfriend and has big plans for the future. she's funny and actually secretly cares about other people

Bow in Love by Chance: the mvp of the group, hilarious, underrated af

ChaAim in Love by Chance: badass, will not take your shit, beautiful red hair, secret cinnamon roll behind that hard facade

Padlom in Secret Seven: true to her heart, cares about the ones around her, just wants to listen to some 90s thai music and find out who's her secret admirer

Plaifah in He's Coming To Me: soft influence in the group, literal sunshine, is not afraid to get her man, will not hesitate to right her wrongs

Nanno in Girl From Nowhere: demon? angel? literal avenger trying to show people their true colors? in any way, she's a badass

Natty in Diary of Tootsies: lesbian who's not afraid of getting what she wants, funny af, super endearing

Fang in Slam Dance: hard exterior, soft interior, she is set on her goals and works very hard... goddess of character development

May in SOTUS: not afraid to confess her feelings, super honest and a great friend

Praepailin in SOTUS: lesbian icon, adorable and deserves a girlfriend goddamn it!

Sandee in KMA and DBK: the only one with braincells

Prang in A Gift For Whom You Hate: trying her best at life, sensitive, imperfect

here you go, that was long but these women definitely deserve more spotlight!