#They're Hanging Me Tonight
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20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
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#can i yap for a moment#im extremely sleepy but im feeling very upset and mad and confused#also lowkey questioning whether me feeling all that is justified or if i am overreacting#anyway#made out w a boy tonight#and he wanted to go to his place#and i was like no i wanna stay and dance with my girlies#and he gets upset??#asking why i'd kiss him if i don't wanna hook up and i said i just wanna have fun?#made me feel so stupid#that anger in me led to a little fight with another boy (who was unfortunately very cute) and i just wanted to punch him#i just hate when boys think they're so superior#so i argued with this stupid but hot man#until an ex? friend shows up and he was pretty drunk just yapping about things#anyway he basically told me he'd like to rekindle our friendship#but not in a heyy haven't talked in so long let's meet up again#it was in a heyy let's hang out again got a new big car and moved out of my parent's house ���#which gave me the ick bc that's why we aren't friends anymore and i told him no multiple times#and got sad bc he was one of my closest friends#anyway and then we left the party#this guy pulls me aside the parking lot#and i was so embarrassed bc there were so many people and they were all looking and i could already see people gossiping about it#and i just wanted to die#and then he just CONFESSES??#gives me flowers and all which is saur saur cute#but i legit have zero feelings for him </3#and have commitment issues and have never been in a relationship and don't wanna be in one#actually grosses me out thinking about relationships </3#the confession was so random and i kinda lost another friendship? even tho i wouldn't rlly consider him a friend we just share sum classes#but yeah boys are so stupid and confusing and i dunno how and why i get myself into these situations :') m sorry just needed to rant </3
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i get why big iron is the most popular song off of the gunfighter ballads album, i do, but the strawberry roan is really great too. maybe my personal favorite just from the premise. what if there was an ugly-ass horse that beat the fuck out of anybody that tried to ride it
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#kirby#gif#ask to tag#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#it is fine to generalize this to whatever experience you like but if you're curious I'm specifically drawing what ptsd feels like tonight#*finger guns*#sometimes hanging out with the person who raised you so poorly will do that to you.#(they're much better than they used to be but. not always.)#(and even if they were suddenly good all the time it still clings.)#(but my wife loves them and needs family.)#(although yes my wife still puts me first and doesn't fall for the fallacy that because they're good to her they are always good.)#(I changed these tags a bit to be more vague sorry for any confusion)#edit: I won't delete the tags but. they saw it. so. that's happening now too.
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i always thought i was a sub with men and a dom with women but i was just thinking about the girl i met in college who made me realize this was NOT the case.
#i need her to top me.#she made me so insane#im feeling women tonight and in turn thinking about fem takiishi and feeling REALLY ABNORMAL#i literally always feel gay after hanging out with my besties they're so hot its outrageous#venus beyond the grave — ♱
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just got to call my squish for like 3 hours, life is wonderful I am thriving the birds are singing problems aren't so heavy etc etc :)))
#I couldn't stop smiling the entire time#I'm down BAD#I missed their voice so much <333 the amount of comfort just their presence brings me is incredible#I've been anxious as heck all day but now I just feel content and warm <3#fuck I miss xem :(#at one point we were talking about all the fun things we'll do once we move in together and just. wow. how did I get this lucky#I've been a little stressed about moving in together bc I was scared they'd get bored of me but now I can't wait :)))#like I'm still scared but also. I'm going to see them EVERY DAY!!!!! and we can talk and hang out whenever!!!!#and they're just as excited as I am!!!!#and maybe this is hella sappy but I want this for the rest of my life#hearing their laugh and their giggles.... the way his voice goes soft when we're talking about certain things.....#I hope I never get to stop hearing that#and maybe its naive but I want it SO fiercely#I love them!!!! I want to scream it from the roofs and I want to whisper it in the dead of night when only the moon can hear!!!!!#I cannot WAIT to hug them again. I'm going to have to be forcibly removed from their arms I think#this is the best thing that could have happened tonight <333#anyways I love being in love <3#cosmo rambles#queerplatonic yearning hours
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To Do for tomorrow (in theory at least, if the spoons are there to let me manage all of it)
-One last load of laundry (that idk where im gonna put bc im outta room but. I'll figure it out)
-clean bathroom sink
-swiffer all the floors (that are safely swifferable)
-double check my room and hide any sex toys still sitting out (in my defence, my toys my room my choice where they go, but also, i think a dildo can be a nice centerpiece on a desk or shelving unit top. Ties my whole room together!)
-pause the Oh God Mum's Visiting cleaning/prepping to try and gif Tyler's part in last night's concert (I fucking*screamed* when i heard the intro to his first song and saw him run out, poor Housemate was v chill abt me losing my shit in excitement lol)
-dishes, bc that's just a thing i like doing daily now. put on music, zone out for an hour and half, come back to conscious thought to a bunch of clean dishes. what more could a man ask for (I have ideas but I'll take dishes for now)
I'm writing this out, here, so when my forgetful ass is scrolling thru things tomorrow, I'll see this and won't forget to do anything
hopefully (Tomorrow Me pls don't fuck this up)
#text post#i have no right to be tired rn but i am a bit#Housemate and i are gonna chill tonight tho so that'll help#just relaxing and dinner and maybe a bunch of Tumblr scrolling#im just. already worn out at the idea of mum and her bf being here and i KNOW i need to get out of this funk#my brain is like hmmm but what if they cancel last minute. maybe you should just not do anything and act like they won't be here#my brain does that with anything that hardcore triggers my anxiety like work and Mum lmao#immediately is like 'what if they cancel everything forever and you never have to worry abt work or money again'#and I'll be like 'thats not fkn happening let's just prep for the situation and get thru it'#and yet. the brain persists in this#Housemate is being an absolute angel too and taking us on another dispo run before mum gets here bc#between work and mum im gonna just. need to have every minute be 420 at least mildly#to make sure i don't get overwhelmed and have a meltdown that puts me in my room for a week straight#and fucks up all of this#getting wizard high is for the nights during this next week tho bc Housemate has helped me convince mum#that I dont need to see them to the hotel each night and maybe hang out thru the night with them (sweet but pls no)#so the nights I'll have to try and keep my shit together#stoned and worry rambling too much rn but god just. let me not piss her or the bf off. they're gonna lecture me on like#at least three things im p sure of. I don't want to add to that number 🙃
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i miss being flirted with
#At least i got called adorable this week#They're very soft toward me too#But it's almost been two weeks#Just miss their energy in general#i really hope i get to hear their voice again tonight#But they might be too tired to raid after hanging out with their mom
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boss just sat me down and basically asked what's wrong with me again
#i went home sick last friday and i guess someone said i did something wrong at work#when im 99% sure i didn't??#anyway. they also think I've been quieter lately#i feel bad. im mad because of the whole situation with my shitty coworker#but my boss slipped up and said 'we're friends - well. sorry. we're not /friends/ I'm your boss but -'#so clearly he views me as a friend but is trying to set professional boundaries#I just feel guilty#i don't even know why this is getting to me so much#i guess it feels like someone just listed off all of the things I'm doing wrong and pointed them out to me#and that paired with the fact that I was caught off guard by it#i hate being caught off guard#idk#anyway the apartment cat came over to hang out for a bit but she was distant#so the perceived rejection really hit me#i swear to god i don't realise how insane i am til i write all this out#anyway. i don't have any drugs left other than some random opioids#which is basically russian roulette#in terms of dosage because they're all wildly different#so I'll probably stay sober tonight#which is for the best :/#if I want to wake up on time to work tomorrow#it's not even anything. im mostly just trying to avoid my creepy shitty coworker#but i can't say that! so i guess everyone just thinks i hate them noe#now*#and they probably all secretly hate me#since he said that a few people have mentioned that I've been quieter lately#so I'm not even doing a good job putting up my ♪~ ��(ᐛ)ᕗ facade#which is like. my only skill and asset#anyway. time to think about dying and never eat again ig#mine
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#I'm going out to dinner tonight with 2 friends that I used to work with many years ago#they're both lawyers#i always end up being friends with the lawyers#my brain definitely always needs to balance my creative work with non creative#and the legal and contracting stuff often provides a bit of a break for me#whereas most of my co-workers absolutely hate it and are scared and baffled by it#ANYWAY -#both my friends got out of media law#so we have no work connection at all#and we're just mates#and this is a last minute hang#but a beautifully timed one#because it's a timely reminder that no matter how stressful and weird my job is and whether i end up leaving my current role or whatevs#what matters is that I've made so many good friends over the years and those friendships are not remotely dependent on our work#the job losses and chaos and uncertainty in the industry i work in are due to hollywood greed and wall street brutality#and it's wreaking havoc on ordinary workers lives#and I'm not underplaying that#but i need to focus on the fact that the friendships that matter are the ones that will last regardless
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#maybe I'm evil for getting irritated at them because they're going through a lot rn#but my friend keeps going 'oh we should hang out this week' and then I immediately respond to try to pick a day and activity#and they don't respond for over 24 hours#I tried to talk to them on tuesday and suggest yesterday and then only got a response late last night#and then I asked about today or tomorrow or saturday#and I still haven't gotten a response now so it's obviously not happening tonight#and it's like if they would just respond and say yes or no I could actually plan something#I had stuff I could have done yesterday but didn't because I was waiting on a response#and today is kind of the same#and I'm just getting really annoyed because I could have done something by myself if I just knew we weren't gonna see each other#I get that they have a lot going on but yesterday when they texted me 'another day this week?' they could at least have bothered#to respond to my suggestion of days#like the week is fucking over soon so no 'another day this week' won't work if you take over 24 hours to respond to each text#I feel like an asshole for being annoyed with them#but like you're the one suggesting we hang out and then you ghost me for an entire day. TWICE#if they don't respond soon I'm just gonna do the thing I wanted to do alone tonight or tomorrow#personal
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Distinct type of woman is one who goes to a goth club and is shocked when she has to interact with something
#this is so specific but if youve never been in this situation you probably dont know what im talking about but if you have you get it#its like..... theyre nice girls. its not like theyre being rude or anything. but the ones who are just like. trying to see what it is ig?#and they hang around in the corner all owl eyed#and are shocked when someone friendly wants to talk to them because its a local spot and everyone knows everyone#not even in a hitting on you way just in a Hey Whats Up! :) You Enjoying The Music Tonight? sorta way#and are like. theyre not upset but they're always like startled and shocked#i think (but i dont know) its that theyre shy and introverted and want to people watch in a... not aggressive I Want A Goth Mommy way#but obviously want to see alt people. maybe shy and closeted gay or something#maybe just trying to see if they like something#but they arrive and are alone and stick out like sore thumbs and look confused and scared so ofc someone says something#or asks if they wanna dance or chat because everyone who goes to these sorta establishments is a little introverted but usually nice#and its like they are aware theyre percieved suddenly and they maybe think we think theyre a creep? but again im just speculating#on what this is. i see like one of em every 2 weeks at the club#if im tipsy ill ask them to dance and 9/10 if i ask they will but thats cause i cant dance LOL so they feel confident#then theyll give me their number and I'll never see them again.#anyway. shy bitches sound off what do you think this is#sydney talking
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:(
#idk kind of sucks i don't think we're hanging out tonight#i don't want to bother them with a reminder text but i feel like they forgot#they're the one who rescheduled from last evening to tonight!!!#just sort of waiting for them to text me and the later it gets the more i doubt it's gonna happen#don't mind me
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