#They’re just my personal monster and Its something i’ll always live with | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dooplissss · 10 months ago

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i would like to know about the ocs 🫴🏽

bless you

ok I have way more than just these but these are the current standouts, maybe I’ll do a part 2 tomorrow bc i cant stop talking about my silly little guys

Emmett & Marasmus: Newest oc for dnd, pact of the undead warlock. Emmett was just living his life til he ate the wrong mushroom for dinner and it revealed itself to be a god named Marasmus that wants people to praise it, so it took over poor Emmett’s body and puppeted him around, turning his hometown into a cult. Emmett broke out of his stupor and escaped after nearly feeding a spore to his brother and he’s been running ever since, his body slowly being eaten by the monster that inhabits him. Also they bicker constantly, real Beacon and Duck Newton vibes.

Emmett is truly just some guy who doesn’t deserve to have this wannabe god parasite stuck to him but that’s how these things go. He’s so sweet and ofc he loves his family bc I’m predictable and make that a trait for nearly all my ocs. I tend to avoid family drama or at least do it in a different way than most people, in that I prefer my characters to be striving to get back home or avoiding going home because they feel they don’t deserve to be a part of their family anymore, but always always always they are loved despite everything bad they’ve done/think they’ve done. I really hope the game goes long enough to see Emmett get to hug his brother again and forgive his mom for not being able to help him, he’s the only one of my ocs who’s been wronged by his family and even then its neither of their fault. God he needs a hug so bad

Salem & Erin: god this guy is so fun. Salem is a skellington who started as a rich brat that got peer pressured into a ritual that makes you immortal, 40 years later he had a heart attack, died for a second, and then started rotting alive. He spent decades alone in his big mansion haunting his own halls, bored out of his skull. Occasionally people would come thru, be terrified by him or try to kill him, but largely he was just left there. It took him years to work up the courage to enter his son’s room and reminisce about him; he was married a long time ago, but as soon as he floated the idea of having his spouse and child go through the ritual too they up and left him.

Eventually a realtor, Erin, comes to the house to sell it, and she’s the only person who isn’t scared of him. It’s the first conversation Salems had in years and they become friends, her daughter Olivia makes clothes for Salem to disguise his form and help him gain the courage to leave the house more and more. Salem lets more people into the house, especially artists he really loves art, and eventually lets people live there while he moves in with Erin and Olivia once he feels safe enough to live among people again.

Originally Erin and Salem were supposed to just be friends but ofc I started shipping them and ughhh they make me insane. They’re both divorcees and have talked at length about how they’ll never make that mistake again, but Salems been in love with Erin since the beginning. And he’s the least subtle person on the planet so ofc everyone knows, including Erin and she’s just patiently waiting for the day when Salem admits how they feel, however long it takes. I made Salem for dnd and his quest is basically to find a way to undo his immortality, but tbh every time he joins a campaign it dies soon after so I think I want to try making a comic or a series of vignettes or something for him anyway, especially since I’ve had a lot of time to think about plot hooks and stuff.

this is the only fic i have them but i really love it please clap

Tillian & Somlen: The OCs of All Time. I literally have a tattoo representing them, they mean so goddamn much to me its hard to put into words like they changed me as a person. Somlen isn’t my oc, he belongs to my dm, but the two are so tied together and influenced each other so much it all kinda blends together.

Tillian is a haunted one bard who grew up in the town of Winslow, a little prairie town that had something Wrong in the well that caused all the sounds to warp. The crops whispered, the blueberries gossiped, her mom echoed, her dad sang, her brother spoke backwards, and when Tillian herself spoke everyone would hear something different (I had a d100 list for what they would hear). After someone disappeared while doing recon inside the well, the town boarded it up and went their separate ways. When Tillian’s family went to stay with her aunt, she said hello to her cousin and instantly killed him with her voice.

She went to bard college to help get her voice back, and as the game started she was simply looking for answers to why this happened and what caused it. She meets with the group, starts adventuring, and one fight goes so bad she gets fully 3 failed death saves killed. Something picks her out of the river of death and brings her back to life, and that’s when she buys a haunted doll, a homebrew item from TAZ that takes that final death onto itself.

As the adventurers leave town, she feels her bag moving on to find oh fuck the doll is alive and its an asshole. The doll says his name is Somlen and he was cursed after he slept with the wrong person. Tillian HATES this guy at first but ah fuck, if she dies he’s going to die in her place so she has to be more careful. And as she talks to him more, she starts to warm up to him. He cheated on his girlfriend and he’s the perfect picture of the horny bard trope, but he wants to do better and become a better person.

Things happen, yadda yadda, Tillian finds out the location of the hag that cursed him and they kill her, taking the curse away but Somlen is still stuck in the doll body, they need powerful magic to get him polymorphed back to human. The group decides to go to a city but, as a lark, one of the npcs decides to try her luck to change him back and she rolls a goddamn nat 20. Somlen is human again and oh god he’s in his birthday suit. While Tillian is in total shock, the group gets him clothed, Somlen jokes around and plays it cool up until he gets back to Tillian, who just. Wordlessly takes her signature scarf, the one her dad knit for her, and wraps it around him and hugs him. And it hits them both like, they did it, he’s safe, and Somlen would do anything for her and vice versa.

They go into the city where they get a clue to visit the outskirts where Tillian’s aunts house is, except its old, like really really old, all that’s left is a hole down into the basement. And when they get in, Tillian can feel something trying to communicate with her, and she learns this place is over 2000 years old and so is she. That night, when she sleeps, she wakes up inside the well surrounded by hundreds of faces and she knows every single one of them. The thing that lives in the well tells her to bring her friends back for it, and that’s when it hits her: This thing, the Uvuuduam, has been sending her out every hundred years to go collect a group of adventurers and bring them back to feed them to this monster. It controlled her into tracking down every villager of Winslow and throwing them down into the well, including her mom and dad and brother. She is as much the thing haunting her home as this awful creature is.

She wakes up, silently collects her things, and leaves everyone behind to spare them. They catch up, ofc, but she is desperate to spare them from this fate. She offers them a anti-scrying necklace so they can leave her and be untrackable, but no one agrees to take it, they’re all in it to save her much as she begs them not to. She is absolutely broken by this revelation, but the group and especially Somlen are there to hold her together.

They send some time leveling up and preparing to go to her town, and finally the day comes when they arrive. They go into the well and face the Uvuuduam, it’s a tough fight (we had a irl sleepover to play it all the way thru), but they do it and she severs this horrible things neck as she screams, her voice finally returning to her after all these years. Everyone in the well wakes up, she reunites with her family, and (this part always makes me cry) when she sleeps that night, it’s the first restful sleep she’s had in 2000 years. She and Somlen stay behind in Winslow, finally home.

Like. They are truly everything to me. They are foils in so many ways but it just makes them stronger. Tillian is an aromantic bard, helping me realize I myself am aro, and it always gets to me that she loved so fiercely and so much and it was used as a weapon against her, that the monster knew it could depend on her to make connections strong enough to make people willing to do anything for her and therefore bring back its food. She loves too much for her own good, but she’s safe now, she’s with her family and the people she loves and god forbid anything try to take advantage of her ever again.

Also these two are just funny. Two halves of a whole idiot. Tillian is a neurotic mess at all times, Somlen is full of himself, they’re life partners and also an inseparable comedy duo. They’ve seen each other at their very worst and choose each other without hesitation over and over. They’ve both had their free will ripped from them thru curses and manipulation and they vow to break the hold others have on them, they would tear the world in half if the other asked. And just. Tillian wants nothing more than to return home while Somlen runs as far away from his past as possible, but he finds a home in her and he helps her win back hers. They love each other and they are best friends forever :’) also I’ve written so many fics about them and I still have so many more I want to write lmao

#tillian and somlen #emmett #salem #i could talk about tillian and somlen for ten thousand years and i will #ocs

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theblackdragon-studios · 2 years ago

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Watched Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated for the first time today…

I know it’s really old by now, but with the horrible rise of that new one for “adults” I wanted to watch it since I’d heard good things. So…here are my thoughts as I watched:

-I love each character’s introduction:

* Velma the cynical tour guide who is also so bossy and pushy, especially with her relationship with Shaggy (I’ll get to that)

* Fred the trap-obsessed himbo…and his dad is the mayor here? Interesting.

* Daphne having sisters?! And all are super successful? That’s really cool! They’re pretty but they all have successful careers…nice touch. And it isn’t thrown in your face too long. A brief joke and background detail that might come back. (No spoilers though)

I love her voice too. It’s nice to hear Grey DeLisle’s voice and I think it fits Daphne here very well.

* Shaggy and Scooby once again eating everything as always, but the parents look very similar to Shaggy which is nice. It helps pull away from the fan joke Shaggy’s a stoner

-Patrick Warburton as the chief of police…perfect. I love his voice and though that mustache doesn’t fit it, that’s okay. XD

-Nice Easter eggs nodding back to the old shows too! Not only the most famous monsters from the original cartoon, but there was also the clown-jester looking one from the first live-action Scooby Doo movie. The one they unmasked at the very beginning before the tone shift of everyone separating.

-I knew when I saw the shade of green of the fruitmeir stuff it was connected to the goo…gross.

-Scooby is part cat??? (He extended a talon to open a lock somehow???)

-The joke about why a high school teacher would need more money. XD Too real…but very funny

-Shaggy and Velma are painful to watch…oof… And I know the twist there, so I know why. But it’s so obvious Shaggy isn’t that into Velma and that she’s trying too hard to be a couple. I don’t know why yet, but no spoilers.

Overall it’s a fun show so far. I got a few chuckles and though for this first episode of the reveal of the teacher as the culprit was…weird…since the group never suspected him to begin with so maybe the scene where he stages being a victim himself was for us and not the one-brain cell group (Velma usually has the brain cell), but it was fun. I liked it. lol

Bonus thought under cut…

I have a theory about why the show, Velma was made now too…

Mindy Kailyn hated this reboot of the show so much she thought “I can do better, and make it adult” and so we got the adult trash that is her show. It’s just the complete opposite of everything that Mystery Inc is:

-Fred is the most hated on (by characters) person and an unlikeable idiot of a kid whose father is embarrassed by him. Said father is also rich and important. Mystery Inc has Fred as a lovable himbo oblivious to Daphne’s feelings but with a father that is worried about him but not cruel.

-Daphne is a stuck up bitch that only becomes less of one when the forced writing of her being with Velma starts. Her parents are the ones they try to make likable, but no one in the show is. Where in Mystery Inc the parents want Daphne to drop her friend group and stop obsessing over Fred and make something of herself.

-Norville has an unrequited crush on Velma, and she is relentlessly cruel about it. This is the opposite of Mystery Inc where Shaggy is the one hesitant on how he feels and Velma is pushing to become public about their relationship.

-Velma isn’t just brutally honest, she’s judgmental and hateful toward everyone. Especially Norville, who doesn’t get the hint and keeps trying to get her to like him. Until he sees her kissing Daphne. Then he meets a black girl that people suspect replaced Scooby. Maybe a middle finger to Warner Bros for not letting the show use him.

Because yeah, they said no to Velma using Scooby in their show. It wasn’t because it wasn’t adult enough if they include him.

That’s just my theory, since it seems Velma went out of its way to be the opposite of Mystery Incorporated.

#blackdragon watches #Scooby Doo #mystery incorporated #first episode thoughts

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thevampireoflace · 1 year ago

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TOUMEI ANSWER ENGLISH TRANSLYRICS

Drifting though all these hazy days

Where nothing seems to change

Strung along by these days sitting in this tired classroom

“So how are you doing?”

I see you’re still trying

The textbook in front of me says something I can’t read now, Ah

Do you mean my test results?

They’re okay to a fault

I don’t know why people think 100 is special

As you smiled by my side

Not looking in my eyes

You said ‘me too,’ with a score much closer to a zero

I really could care less, about the world, I guess

Any problem that comes up gets answered once again

“If that is truly why, fly up high and reach the sky!”

Is that the reason, you had always seemed to shine?

My heart just wants to disappear, oh why are you trying so hard to reach?

Even right now, in this vast world, the answer never comes to me

Ringing out a tune, in this dark bedroom

All the noise, just tells me who I am inside. A numb cold-hearted guy

So someday if someone explained an answer to the question why we live

It would be so stupidly obvious to me what the answer is

“So now even if I die

I’ll just be replaced; no single person would ever care why”

Whispering that although, I know it’s pretty foolish

These boring days repeat

In this occupied seat. I won’t admit it, but your absence does bother me

I still try to not care. Thinking ‘bout tomorrow.

My test will be passed back, with another boring old score, Ah

Drifting though all these hazy days

Where something begins to change

I don’t know what but something

Has already gone missing

Your hair, in my memory

Your smile, oh, so pretty

Somebody else would already forget it so easily

Against the window pane, your silhouette’s the same

Always has been, though your seat is still very empty

Your smile as the wind, carried its own way in

Did I ever really, know you after all?

The days that would have continued, if I hadn’t been caught inside this maze

If I had understood, maybe you would still be free from the haze

The alarm that once said “I’m a monster,” rings out and I realize through its attacks

You are never coming back

I know the answer

Your heart wanted to disappear, and that’s why you reached

All of your feelings tied around your eyes, I really didn’t see

A blindfold made up of lies had fallen through as you had flown away to reach the sky

I refuse to forget; the memory of your smile

#noxsonglyrics #translyrics #song cover #kagerou project

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itchyeye · 2 years ago

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I tried to live a normal life. I really did. I took jobs working in the backroom of offices where I wouldn’t need to meet anyone. I had boyfriends who promised they didn’t care. I burned through half a dozen counselors. None of it worked.

You see, my father’s always remained one of the darlings of the true crime community. Articles, documentaries, grisly retrospectives: wherever I ended up, somehow it would always worm its way into my life. One of my co-workers or new friends would stumble across a profile of my father, and that would be that. Every time I ended up in a relationship, it was only a matter of time before I caught them on some true crime blog, or spotted a profile of my father in their search history.

Sometimes, I tried to lie about it, so there was no relation, but the damage was done. They’d get distant, throw me nervous glances when they didn’t think I’d notice. Or worse, they started to look at me like I was some sort of prize, some small claim to fame: the serial killer’s daughter.

I suppose I could have changed my name. Um, something always stopped me though: it was the only connection I still had to my dad, and even if it did keep ruining my life, I couldn’t bring myself to lose it.

The counselors and the therapists were more understanding… but even they couldn’t quite keep the eager quiver out of their voice when I started talking about the murders. It felt like every couple of years, I was having to start my life over from scratch.

What is it, do you think, that makes people so obsessed with horrific things happening to other people? Even now, after all I’ve done, I can’t quite figure out what it is that makes people treat actual atrocities like cheap entertainment.

Maybe we’re all just broken inside, unable to really grasp the difference between fictional people, and people we just don’t know. They’re all just abstract ideas we’re happy to have suffer for our enjoyment.

Or… maybe the fact it really happened is exactly the point, adding the awful spice of reality to people’s morbid fantasies.

When I think of the lurid joy some people would feel if I were caught – the serial killer’s daughter taking over the family business – it makes me sick. But even back then, with my hands unbloodied, that collective obsession with brutality chased me throughout my life.

MAG 109 Nightfall; Statement of Julia Montauk, regarding her initial encounters with the hunter Trevor Herbert. Statement taken direct from subject, June 29th 2017.

Okay, I know how it sounds, but Murder Club wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was just true crime stuff. My boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend, used to call it my “serial killer fan club”, which I’ll admit doesn’t make it sound a lot better, but you’ve gotta believe there was no way any of us would have chosen to get involved in anything like what’s happening.

Except, I guess, that we did. Somehow.

I’m not a violent person, not at all. My sisters used to play-fight when we were kids, and I’d always just… I’d end up crying in the corner. But for some reason, true crime never had that effect on me. Or maybe it did, but I kind of liked it when I could control it. I remember when I first got the taste. I stumbled across a book on famous murders that had somehow ended up in our school library. I read about Lizzie Borden, feeling the breath catch in my throat, and I put the book away quickly before literally running out of the library. I didn’t sleep at all that night, but I still went back to that book the next day.

It’s always scared me. That’s the thing. I could never get into horror; ghosts and monsters always left me bored. Even thrillers never really got me in the same way. But there was just a part of me that always knew it wasn’t real, it never happened. But true crime? The awful stuff that humans do to one another? That got me. I used to think it was about facing the darkness, and coming to terms with my fear, or somehow honouring the victims, but it’s not. It’s just that there’s a part of me that gets an awful little buzz from it. From that shudder that goes through my body when I’m getting all the gory details of how someone died at the hands of a real-life human monster. Books, podcasts, documentaries, I… I went through all of them all, and still wanted more.

MAG 112 Thrill of the Chase; Statement of Lisa Carmel, regarding her involvement in a series of murders. Statement number 0111311, 13th November 2011.

#tma #the magnus archives #true crime #[🪳]mine #[📑] transcripts #mag 109 #mag 112 #julia montauk #i've always really liked both of these passages... two of my fav episodes #[smirke's 14] 🐺

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indecisive-dizzy · 4 months ago

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Helloooooo :D

I’m making a bunch of ideas for our pookies + my ocs to compensate for the loss of all my notes that had all my ideas for different aus I made 😭

So have some Daisey and Eddie ideas from the High School Angst au (I NEED A NEW NAME FOR THIS AU ISTG IT CANT JUST BE THE HIGH SCHOOL ANGST AU)

They used to dance together often, maybe their parents put them in after school dance classes or something

Daisey stopped dancing after they broke up/stop being friends, and they never really danced until they made up and had a whole moment of dancing again :,3

The first time they hung out one on one after they made up, it was so awkward it hurt

Eddie tried to initiate small talk, Daisey just told him in the nicest way they could to please shut up and watch the movie (they went to the movies)

Daisey’s friends were hesitant about Eddie, but most of them didn’t really care/mind. The only person who really did not like this was Holly, but she got worn down by Wallace and eventually let him hang around

Daisey totally hangs around in the shadows, it always looks like Eddie’s talking to a wall from afar when he’s talking to them

Julie definitely befriends Daisey when she sees them hanging around in the shadows, immediately trying to bring them out and talk. Daisey isn’t that big of a fan, but they tolerate it because she seems to genuinely like them

Idk if FlowerShop happens, but it they do interact sometimes I think

This au doesn’t have a set time period, but I have a lot of 80s and 90s inspiration, so I’m putting it in like the late 80s to early/mid 90s

Also I’m definitely making a Monster High aus for my ocs cause I’m hyperfixating on the dolls and the movies rn

I also don’t know if DearDollops should happen in this au but it’s a possibility since they have the whole “having crushes on each other but not realizing it and believing it was unrequited” arc

Daisey’s crush was a lot more known/apparent (Eddie didn’t know he liked them like that until they were gone), but it was still mutual

They’re both collectively stupid. Like- they’re both very intelligent, but they’re really stupidly oblivious at the same time

Apparently one of Eddie’s favorite songs was Rockin Robin, so Daisey’s favorite song in this au is Everything She Wants by Wham! cause I love that song

Daisey legit just listens to any song ever. It can go to Metallica straight from to Dolly Parton

In the main au, it’s probably either Jolene by Dolly Parton, or Dancing Queen by ABBA

Eddie definitely experiments with his style after he befriends Daisey again, I can see him dyeing a strand of his hair to experiment but washing it out almost immediately cause he’s scared his parents would be mad

Honestly Daisey’s voice headcanon in this au is just Twila from Monster High (G1 specifically, G3 for the main au I think I’m still not sure)

She fits their personality’s aesthetic perfectly like it’s not even funny she’s just them

I’m silently suffering cause I can’t remember some of the au ideas I wrote down so I’m trying to remember so I can note them down in a journal or something

Also I made Lizzy a gf but she needs a name so I’ll make that its own post when I figure that out

Have a good rest of your day/night, Dizzy!

It’s nighttime so I’m gonna sleep soon lmao :D

My brain says they did ballet together! mostly because Eddie doing ballet lives in my brain <3

hhhh yeah I can Feel the awkward. a movie is a good idea tho,, no need to talk!

Ok I read "Daisey totally hangs around in the shadows" and went It's giving Twila ✨ and lost it when I got the bottom lol. G1 Twila my beloved,, g3 Twila my other beloved

Julie let them be dark and mysterious! /lh

*songs the monster high (g1) theme song* Hell Yeah! I love monster high aus

hmm perhaps their can be two versions of the au! one where they get together and another where they stay friends!

When I found out Eddie's fav song I proceeded to listen to it on repeat for At Least an hour. I genuinely love Rockin Robin

Daisey's got good taste! What a variety!

Eddie noo! I would love to see Eddie experiment with hair dye. let his parents be mad I'll defend him

ooh yikes good luck!! hope you can get those ideas written down!

oh girlfriend awesome!! Lizzy deserves a gf hehe

You have a wonder day yourself bestie :D

#for the name of the au...#idk pffff #maybe the name of highschool could be the au name to? i tend to do that sorta thing #imma be honest.. im not the biggest fan of g3 #im Old™ and heavily biased towards g1 and Did Not like the live action g3 movies #i do like some of changes g3 made tho!! like Frankie's pronouns. the diversity. the diff body types. etc etc #Oh and Cleo carrying around her organs in her bag/purse! and Twila being canonically autistic! those are cool to #i think my problem is mostly design/Some characters personality changes #but enough of that!#i need to find Lunch <3 #neon child #dizztalkstoomuch #welcome home #eddie dear #moot oc #welcome home au

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occasionalsurveys · 2 years ago

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Survey 7?

Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera: They are saved pictures from my sibling-in-laws. They were sending pics of their kids during their Christmas vacation

Have you got any half or step siblings? Nope, only full blooded siblings

When was the last time you were disappointed? Last night but it was one of those “disappointed but not surprised” type of things ugh

When was the last time you had wet hair? Yesterday

Do you like kids’ movies? Yeah but it depends, mostly kid movies from when I wad a kid. I haven’t seen any new kid movies in the last couple years

Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? I did! I met them on MySpace lol (obviously this was a long time ago!)

Have you ever been to the beach? If so, tell me the name of the beach you last went to and when. I've been to many beaches in the US, Mexico and Bahamas. And I lived in several FL cities that are pretty close to the beach. Most recent was Sanibel Island in May 2022 but wont be back there for a while as it got destroyed by Hurricane Ian :(

When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I had a really bad cold in November

When did you last wash your hair? Yesterday but I’ll be taking a shower here pretty soon

Who did you last speak aloud to and what did you say? My co-worker - I’m off work today and tomorrow but she was calling about an account we were working on and had a question about something that needed to be done today for the client.

Do you know anyone with a serious anger management problem? Not that i know of

Do you have a calendar in your room? Yes, but not like a typical calendar. I have a calendar in my bullet journal that I update every couple days. When we’re in our house, I will definitely have a calendar hanging on the wall.

What color is your wallet? Its beige

Did you get swine flu? No

Do you know anyone from Alabama? I dont think so

How bright is it in the room you’re in? Medium I'd say.

What can you smell right now? Nothing in particular. Coffee maybe? I have my cup right next to me.

Have you ever bought a game from a site like Big Fish Games or Shockwave? Yes, from Big Fish! And fun fact - my husband and I actually used to work at Big Fish about 10 years ago! Literally the reason we moved to Seattle in 2012 lol So odd to find the company mentioned in a survey!!

Have you ever had a snow day? Never!!! Even growing up in the Midwest, we never got snow days. I was always so jealous when other schools nearby had snow days or even delayed but my school was NEVER closed.

Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? Yes, many times! We want to do a whole all day marathon once we’re in our house - all the Hobbit movies followed by Lord of the Rings.

Do you have an unhealthy obsession with colored furry throw pillows that are different shapes and sizes? No? I don't care for decorative pillows and wouldn’t typically buy them. I do have a few but only because they’re very special ones: We have a Meat Pillow (bought from a ComicCon years ago from a Monster Hunter booth) I bought one for my husband that has ChaCha and Kuyumba from Monster Hunter print on it. Another one of the Going Merry from One Piece (just its head though), and my mother-in-law MADE me an adorable Owl one for Christmas this year.

How often do you change your underwear? Everyday

Doesn’t it bother you when guys in your family / household leave the toilet seat up so that you wind up almost falling in when you’re sleepy and dazed at 3:00 AM and need to pee? That actually doesn't happen here!

Approximately how many books do you have in your house? There are a TON of books in this house. My Mother-In-Law and I constantly read, although we do not have the same interest in books

Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before? Yes, a domestic issue at an old apt we used to live at (not us, for a neighbor)

Have you ever been to court for something other than a traffic ticket? Yes, I had a huge issue with one of my roommates not paying the rent/pocketing money from another roommate. We had to go to court to settle the issue between my roommates and our landlord. Its a long story but the short version is - never move in with someone/sign a contract with someone you don’t know/fully trust.

Don’t you hate it when people suddenly love a celebrity when they die? Meh, don’t really care.

What type of math are you the best at? NONE. I am HORRIBLE with math and just do not understand numbers at all.

How’s the weather? Much better - like 60′s? It was in the 40′s a couple days ago which was great for Christmas (I miss the cold/snow for this time of year) but now that the holiday is done, it needs to get back to a normal FL temperature lol

#survey #about me

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goodlucktai · 2 years ago

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all the things that i could live without

rise of the tmnt pairing: don & leo word count: 1349 title borrowed from if i didn’t have you by banners post-movie

read on ao3

“Hamato Donatello,” Leo said, his even tone riding the line of good humor and sternness both. “How much shell time have you had today?”

Donnie pointedly doesn’t look up from his iPad. Making eye contact in these moments is too risky. Leo can clock a lie with such accuracy that Donnie thinks it must be a secondary mutation or something, because it certainly isn't natural. The only reason any of them get away with anything is because Donnie’s twin is an agent of chaos, more likely to encourage their stupidity than put a kibosh on it.

Shell time, however, is one of Those Things Leo Takes Very Seriously.

“Scoff,” Donnie says. “I’ll take a break in a minute, I want to finish reading this dissertation I found about chronic musculoskeletal pain and physiotherapy. Not all of it can be applied to us, given that it’s written by humans for humans, but—”

“Dude, it’s like four PM.” Leo’s tone has made its choice, leaning away from amused and into firm. Nooo. “You’re not gonna be able to sleep tonight if you don’t stretch out soon.”

“And I will, soon,” Don replies. It’s the pinnacle of absurdity that they’re talking about his stupid spine when Leo is the one recovering from multiple traumatic injuries.

Leo doesn’t think so, because of course he doesn’t. He’s like a dog with a bone. His persistent personality has saved all their shells more than a dozen times but that doesn’t mean Donnie has to like it when it’s aimed against him.

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way,” the slider says with no small amount of showmanship.

Despite himself, Donnie glances up from his tablet. He can feel himself go soft to match his dumb shell, even if it doesn’t show on his face. He loves Leo so much, even when Leo’s being his absolute worst self, and right now Leo is being his best. Warmth unspools like fiber cable in Donnie’s chest, prickly and sparking.

They came so close to losing him. What would they have done without him? It’s frightening to think about. For once in his life, Donnie doesn’t want to know.

He sits back in his chair, ignoring the twinge in his lower back the way he’s ignored it for the past three hours, and says, “What does the hard way look like?”

“You’re gonna hate it.”

“Color me intrigued.”

Leo shrugs and starts to lift himself up. The infirmary bed is raised at an angle, to help Leo breathe and reduce the risk of pneumonia that has kept Don awake at night, but now he’s pushing himself upright all the way, kicking at his blanket with the foot that isn’t casted.

“Oh my god, stop, I hate it,” Donnie blurts, all but flinging his tablet aside in his rush to put an end to this nightmare. “You win, you monster!”

Smugly, Leo says, “I always win. Even when I lose.”

“Oh, you must be feeling better,” Don tells him, easing him back down with gentle hands that don’t match his annoyed tone. “Because once again, you are completely delusional.”

It earns him a chuckle, a wheezing shade of what should have been a loud, lively thing, but it feels like a victory anyway. Don will take it. He won’t let it go.

Leo pats the bed beside him. Donnie sighs performatively, but he’s turtle enough to admit when he’s been outplayed.

The battle shell disengages with a hiss of hydraulics and he sets it aside. It’s such an immediate relief to work out his shoulders, and twist his fragile spine, that he maybe should have taken it off earlier, after all.

“Bring your tablet over here,” Leo says. “I wanna watch that baking show where no one knows what they’re doing.”

Donnie settles in beside him, and he doesn’t outwardly fuss the way Raph and Mikey and Casey all do, but he’s very, very careful behind the casual manner. His brother’s body was so broken, almost beyond repair. He has months of recovery left, and as the team medic, Leo knows that.

But he did what he did for the sake of his family and now he just wants to be close to them. He doesn’t want to be shut away in the infirmary and tiptoed around and hugged so gingerly that the mean voice in his brain is able to convince him that the space and distance and reluctant touches are because he did something wrong.

That mean inner voice that Leo sometimes listens to is as much his siblings’ sworn enemy as the Shredder ever was.

So, after a clan meeting taken when Leo was finally, fitfully asleep, and one educational screening of Patch Adams that made Casey and Raph both cry, they decided to forgo all the values of traditional medicine and give Leo what he needed instead.

They’re hardier than baseline humans are, and if the Krang couldn’t kill Leo in its own dimension than it’s likely nothing can, and these are the arguments Leo makes to be allowed out of bed.

It’s all a moot point. As soon as he lifts his hands toward Raph, Raph is already stooping to pick him up, no matter what side of the argument he’d been on a second ago.

Leo gets carried around so much he hasn’t even used the ethically-sourced wheelchair April dragged to the lair for him. There are so many people willing to hold him at all hours of the day and night that mobility is the least of his issues, even with all his broken bones.

They have to keep an eye on him. Sometimes Leo actually is too sore or too tired to do much of anything. Right now, there’s a rattle in his lungs that Donnie doesn’t like, so he’s stuck in bed for real. But that doesn’t mean they can’t keep him company anyway. And it’s not like they don’t want to be near him.

His infirmary bed is parked in the lab for now, but Mikey has made more than one passive-aggressive remark about brother-hoggers since lunch, so it’s likely they’ll end up having a sleepover in the living room again tonight.

It’s hard for Don sometimes, being in the middle of a group. It’s easy to feel smothered. His skin starts to itch if he can’t slip away. Sometimes a hug makes him want to slide into his shell the way Mikey hides in his when he gets spooked, even though it’s a biological impossibility for his species.

But it’s not hard all the time. There are some days when it’s the easiest thing in the world.

So Donnie is very careful, but it’s the work of seconds to get settled, because he’s done this about a billion times by now. He’s on Leo’s good side, so Leo can shuffle in as close as he wants, and he brings up the first season of Nailed It! on his iPad even though he knows Leo isn’t going to last a single episode.

Sure enough, in a manner of minutes, his brother’s head on his shoulder becomes a heavy weight and Leo’s breathing evens out in his sleep.

Donnie lets the rest of the episode play even though he could switch back to his dissertation now. The lights in the lab dimmed automatically when Leo started to doze off, and Donnie is too comfortable to bring them back up again.

He tips to the side until his cheek comes to rest on the top of his striped brother’s bruised head and when he exhales all the tension he’s been carrying around all day blows out of him.

Belatedly, Don realizes that he’s been conned into taking a nap.

“Ugh, Nardo, you are good,” he mutters, with grudging admiration.

Maybe there’s a different version of himself out there who really lost his best friend and better half. Maybe in some other timeline, they didn’t save Leo, and they had to make sense of a world without him.

Donnie thinks he feels sorry for that world, because there’s absolutely no way the Donatello who lives there hasn’t already torn it to pieces to get his brother back.

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rottmnt movie #hamato donatello #hamato leonardo #disaster twins #my writing #tmnt fic

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vampyrial · 3 years ago

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A Pearl/Geyser

“I fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended”/“you’re my number one — so I’ll keep turning down the hands that beckon me to come”

A self indulgent fic about stealing some poor dead woman’s man helping Claude grieve the loss of his beloved.

Sorta based on the songs A pearl and Geyser by Mitski, listen to them if you haven’t. It’s not necessary for the story, they’re just good songs.

Content warnings: NSFW

fem!reader

Claude’s own feelings for Diana were rather clear. They were intense and all consuming. They were reckless. They were all that existed, painful or pleasant. Wanted or unwanted, helpful or unhelpful. Whether it morphed into hatred and pain didn’t matter, his love for her was fate. It was a curse, a punishment for the blood he’d spilled — no, for having been born at all.

But there is no such thing as fate.

Meeting you proved that. You were not the kind of woman who could be ignored. When you first came to the palace, when you first reached his eyes, he didn’t want to observe you; yet he ended up taking in every single detail. You were graceful, but not in the way a dancer is. You reminded him of a fairy, possessing a quiet grace, as if you didn’t want to be seen by the wrong people. In stories, fairies would hide from all but the pure of heart. A silly folktale like that came to mind when saw you moving as though walking on air itself, cradled in a canopy of flower petals.

Your eyes were bright, sparkling with great curiosity in the world but they were also guarded, part of you was hidden. You made yourself very hard to know. Claude had only been able to notice from watching you for a long while that your default expression, a soft smile, eyes wide and innocent was a front. A look meant to placate others. A mask definitely but not necessarily a shield. Another thing Claude noticed, was your ability to give others what they needed. When you found someone, upset or in need of certain words, you always found them. You always gave them what they needed. When you said the words they longed to hear, it was never an act or performance detached from yourself. It was made purely from your own life’s experience, your own hard earned musing, grief and painful conclusions. It was the closest thing to the true you he’d ever seen when he secretly listened to you soothe someone with a tale of your own thoughts. Your face softened, you wore no mask. Sometimes he could hear the genuine sadness in your voice.

If Diana was like the warm and bright sun, you were the moon, mysterious and alluring. And all too captivating.

You were very intelligent, more than once had your calm advice saved many people their heads. When the answers didn’t come easily, you could work out different options for hours before carefully coming to the right one. The way you looked, deep in concentration, made something in Claude’s heart soften…He didn’t like it. He was inside a sticky jar of honey, sinking deeper, drowning in sweetness, slowly crystallizing. And yet all he could do was live in awe of its saccharine taste, not sparing any concern to his head going under, his lungs filling with honey.

You lived as though in awe of what a beautiful world we inhabited. You stopped and looked up at the sky several times a day, you basked in rain, wind and snow joyfully like a child. ‘How idiotic.’ he thought. But still, he watched you every single time and scolded you when you got sick. You took it in stride every time, smile at his insults as if you could see through them.

You accepted him for what he was. Even when he killed, your gaze never changed. Never flickered with fear. You never thought of him as a monster or tyrant or even ‘his majesty’, just simply “Claude.” You never thought of him in terms of saints or sinners, to you he was only a man. He found it hard to believe at first. He tested you. He showed you how dark of a person he could be but took it all in and accepted it. You had no defense or claim that would make him innocent, you simply accepted all of what made him. If part of Claude was evil and immoral, then that’s what it was.

You…you felt ephemeral. Too intelligent, too innocent, too accepting to exist in this world. Too good to be real. He feared that you would leave this world one day, abandon him for the beautiful place that must be your real home. Nothing gold can stay. Everything he cherishes will vanish simply because love cannot belong to someone like him. He should have known better. Should have known that loving you would be enough to make you leave. His only fear now was that you would cease to exist. What made him all the more anxious was your behavior. You always looked at beautiful things in a certain way, a desperate way as though you might not be able to see them again even if they were common things like the sunrise and sunset. You looked like you were trying to take as much beauty with you as you could. And yet, he knew that you also accepted the temporary nature of your own existence. It made him angry. He didn’t even have you yet and still he was going to lose you. You had no will to stay. He tried not to care, to write you off as insignificant so that it wouldn’t hurt when or if you left.

But after you fell in love with him, you started to look at Claude this way too. It was a bittersweet feeling. He was one of the beautiful things you were desperate not to lose.

He had been cruel at first, hoping to ward off his own feelings for you, trying to protect what little sanity he had left. But how could he not love you? How could he not come to accept your love? He could he refrain from kissing and touching you?

He had thought that he and Diana were fate, that Diana was the one and only love he’d ever have, the one. He was wrong. There was no fate. He knew that now, because if there was, it would have led him directly to you. He was angry at her, he hated her for putting him through so much. She was reckless, selfish. But you could only hate someone that much if you had loved them first. His love for her had been born out of years of pain, loneliness. He never knew love until he had her and perhaps then he could have loved anyone who had wanted to truly love him in return. He wanted to forget Diana only because her death brought so much pain. Her death felt like intentional abandonment. The death that he had refused to speak about for so long was now a deep ache muted by his new capacity for affection. He still remembered what you’d told him “When I’m in pain over something, I turn it over in my mind until doesn’t hurt anymore — until I can accept it.” Maybe that was what he had done with Diana. He hadn’t truly accepted nor forgiven Diana until he met you.

He would keep his love Diana inside him because of how it had scarred him but his love had changed, naturally. His love for her was like a pearl, something born out of suffering and the pain he had experienced thus far. Her love had if only temporarily, filled a hole in him, it gave him something he had lacked since he was a child. It was an ulcer born of all the pain endured in his life, in the form of a beautiful souvenir.

His love for you was like his garden, lush, ever-growing, evergreen and carefully tended to. He was still afraid to lose you, desperate to keep you, even more so than he was with Diana. Your presence was precious.

"Say it" He said against your slightly sweaty skin. You were writhing under him, Claude holding your twitching hips. He had stilled just short of your peak, denying you an orgasm. You gasped for air, barely able to even think, let alone process what he'd just said. He rutted sharply into you, drawing out a desperate moan. "Say it" He repeated. His voice was firm but not commanding, it was more like...he needed you to say it, he was asking for it. And you, even in your desperate haze of arousal, were more than willing to give it to him.

"I-I'm yours" You hiccupped. Claude, pleased, showed you that arrogant and sexy half smile and began to thrust again. Your clit throbbed as you brought his hand down to it, silently begging him to rub you. He obliged you, moving his expert fingers deftly over your sensitive clit. He loved to see that face you made, eyes rolling into your head and mouth opened. You always wanted him to touch you there while he was inside you but it was always too much for you to handle. You always cried out in both pleasure and pain. 'This greedy woman...Did I tease her too much?' He thought, smiling wider.

He loved to touch you. It made him feel so close to you, so close you could never simply disappear from him. Cognitively, he knew you were real and yet it was always slightly surprising for him to touch your soft skin and remind himself that you were human. Not fairy, angel, spirit, nor imagination. You were real.

"Claude!" is all you managed to call out. You didn't even know why you whined his name, maybe you had just wanted to hear his voice in respond. "Y/N" He simply replied in a breathless but calm voice meant to soothe. His hair was in his eyes, his body was lightly covered in sweat. He thrusts lost their rhythm, becoming sloppy and harsh. His expression was no longer composed, his teeth were gritted as he built up to his own released. The sound of your tortured moans, the way you gripped his arm as he played with your swollen clit, the tears in your eyes, they were all just too much. Along with the feel of your warmth and smell of your skin which, even while you were sweaty, was so arousing.

He sped up, rutting into you harder. The room was filled with the vulgar noises of him inside your wet cunt. With each thrust, you felt more of your wetness dripping on to him. The beautiful moans finally slipping from his lips made you happy even if you could hardly focus on anything besides your own impending orgasm. Your pretty lips parted slightly and your brow furrowed. Claude let out a short laugh. He knew what you wanted. He leaned in to kiss you, slipping his tongue into your mouth. You sometimes liked to have something in your mouth as you came, you wondered if you were developing an oral fixation.

You came just before Claude, moaning and whining into his mouth. The orgasm was almost painful, overwhelming, you wanted to scream but instead you held tightly onto Claude as you rode out your release. Feeling you squeeze and tighten around him, pulsating as you came, felt divine for him. His breathing was harsh. He twitched inside of you and shuddered as he finally spilled into you with a low groan, looking down at the lewd sight of you. Your clothes were half undone to expose your breasts, panties off, skin glowing slightly, lips slightly swollen, eyes half closed and glassy.

How beautiful you were. You whined a bit as he pulled out of you. Ah, he wanted to stay inside but he knew you needed to rest. Your eyes fluttered closed and Claude leaned to kiss them. He smiled softly at your exhausted face. "I love you, Claude" You said, suddenly. "I know" he said, they weren't easy words to say for him. They never had been. What he felt for you wasn't love anymore. How convenient it would be if all of his emotions and thoughts about you could be categorized and generalized with the word "love." No, what he felt was surely not what others meant when they said love. This wasn't what he felt for Diana. This wasn't simply love. It was exponentially more powerful but also much more painful, something desperate and impossibly sweet.

You opened your eyes again. Again...again you were looking at him with the same expression. That of one trying to drink in the last bit of light from a beautiful sunset. Of one trying not to forget. Somehow, it soothed his heart a bit, in a bittersweet way. You were afraid to lose him too. Not having a word for this feeling somehow made it feel exclusive. This feeling was only for the two of you. He could never really leave you and you would never truly leave him. The feeling that connected and likened you, made sure that neither of you would ever truly leave the other; whether or not you were worlds apart.

#claude de alger obelia #claude de alger obelia x reader #claude x reader #wmmap x reader #claude de alger x reader #wmmap fic #x reader #reader insert #female reader

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adurna0 · 3 years ago

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Logain and Taim (and Rand): Responses to Being a Saidin Channeler in the Third Age

Aka that one essay I’ve been meaning to write for about 3 months [Whole book series & minor show spoilers]

So I think we can all agree that being a saidin channeler during the time of the books is frankly a very traumatic experience during most of the timeframe and the backstory of the books (though it’s definitely changing / has in many ways changed by the end of them).

For one thing, there’s the fact that saidin is tainted and you’re bound to succumb to a madness wrought on by the literal embodiment of all evil.

For another, there’s the fact that your only chances to avoid this seems to be

to get gentled by the Aes Sedai (and lose most/all of your will to live in the process) or

to swear allegiance to the aforementioned embodiment of all evil (and become an expendable pawn in its pursuit of world annihilation).

Needless to say, neither of these options are good.

And lastly, as if that wasn’t enough, the whole world is aware that you’re basically an unreliable ticking time bomb, a person who’s doomed to become a monster and must be hunted, harassed and ratted out to the Aes Sedai as soon as possible.

This post is less about the first two aspects of the Saidin Channeler™️ experience and more about that last one.

And it’s in dealing with that that I think Logain and Taim are such great foils for one another. The world tells them they’re monsters. Unwanted. Doomed. Dangerous. Practically only good for death and destruction, unless they’re the Dragon Reborn and even then it’s still a lot of death and destruction. So what do you do when the world rejects you?

Well Logain is... frankly kind of arrogant (don’t @ me, he’s one of my favorite characters). And I do think in this case it really works in his favor. You see, it takes a lot of arrogance to look at a world that tells you “you’re a worthless monster that needs to be put down” and go “no, actually, I think I can do great things”. And sure, his definition of “great” may not always fall within the definition of “good”, but it certainly always falls within the definition of “important”. Grand. Glorious even.

Before we even meet him in the books he’s been stripped of all his titles and yet he’s built himself an army, won battles and started marching to Tear. He gets stopped by the Aes Sedai, but that’s... certainly not for a lack of ambition. His (perhaps misplaced) self-confidence takes a hit when he’s gentled, but let’s be honest, a man who wants to call himself by the name of a famous False Dragon of the past while on the run from the White Tower still doesn’t come across as particularly humble. In fact, that Logain continues to believe he can achieve something even after gentled is more or less what keeps him alive (even if that something is revenge).

[And this is something I think the TV show takes and purposefully amplifies. Show!Logain manages to earn the allegiance of people through explicitly telling and showing them that someone who channels saidin is not only meant to destroy. That he himself can also help people, can lead them.]

On the flip side, we have Taim. Now, Taim’s response to being declared a monster by the world is simply “then I’ll be that monster”.

[And, you know, I keep forgetting just how young Taim is, because he’s apparently in his late 20s? This is a bit of a tangent to the whole post but, Rand judges him to be older but I’m fairly sure RJ stated Rand misjudged bc Taim was generally Not In A Good State. Now I do have some questions regarding just what he’s been doing in all the years since he started channeling, because apparently he also had the spark and had been channeling long enough to start slowing in aging but he only declared himself Dragon around the time the books begin, so he must have started in his early 20s at the latest. If anyone has any clue what on earth this man was doing for the better part of a decade please tell me.]

Anyway to get back to the original point... Taim is defeated as a False Dragon. Embarassingly falls from his horse the moment the true Dragon declares himself. So when Demandred comes up and offers him a place amongst the Darkfriends? Taim just takes it. And why wouldn’t he? Since he only declared himself Dragon when he did, he must have spent years hiding his ability to channel. Most of his adult life, perhaps. What would he owe to a world that would just hunt him down if they knew what he was? He’s not the Dragon, he knows that now, so there goes that slim chance too.

So he proceeds to do the most horrific things, just as the Shadow asks him too. He gives up his own men to have them become, well, whatever being Turned does to you honestly. He builds himself an army of these brainwashed channelers who’ve had every bit of them replaced by the Shadow’s corruption. Hell, he goes so far in his devotion to embodying the world’s worst fears that he even becomes the only person in the Third Age to achieve the title of Chosen. A twisted form of glory for him as well, I suppose.

In the end I think that’s what Logain’s great character conflict boils down to in that one moment in AMOL. He skirts very close to taking the same path as Taim himself, to trying to achieve the world’s respect through power and fear. It’s an understandable lure, with all that people like him go through. But he takes a different path and finds that people, some people at least do respect him for his deeds. For what he’s achieved. Taim, on the other hand, well, he gets what any follower of the Shadow does, because the Shadow’s glory is only ever ephemeral and the inevitable fate of a monster is to be hunted down. Even if that monster makes himself strong enough that most people wouldn’t dare to hunt him, there’s always going to be someone who tries.

The addendum here is Rand. Rand who also accepts he’s a monster and chooses to be a monster to himself. He takes all of that suffering upon himself so that others don’t have to. Rand who goes “I may be dangerous and doomed but I’ll make this world safe for those I love by my inevitable suffering”. He circumvents the Logain/Taim dichotomy entirely and perhaps that’s because the world fears him, yes, but also places a great deal of responsibility on him. So he accepts the pain, accepts that it’s just his lot in life and keeps a list of all his monstrous deeds to torture himself until he breaks.

I’m frankly fascinated by the interplay of these 3 and the way they’re all shaped by this gift/curse they’ve been given. I think the contrast between Logain and Taim gets lost a bit in the fact that the Black Tower plot gets a bit sidelined for some time and we don’t really get much in the way of a Taim POV. Would have loved to get a better look inside that man’s head, that’s for sure. Really looking forward to seeing the two of them interpreted in the show, I think Logain’s portrayal has been very much in line with my read of him so far and I can only hope they give Taim an equally good treatment.

#wheel of time #the wheel of time #unreasonably attractive fandom #logain ablar #mazrim taim #wheel of time spoilers #wot book spoilers #wheel of time book spoilers #wot show spoilers #wot on prime spoilers #wheel of time show spoilers #i never know the correct spoiler tags #i really do think (for me at least) Taim is better understood in comparison with Logain #we get so little info on him #but his role as a foil to Logain I think sheds light on his character #anyway I have been peer pressured into writing this #hope y’all like it #my meta

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cloudninetonine · 4 years ago

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A past that still haunts me

A/N: Hey guys, it's me (ya boi) I'm back with my still current hyper fixation Genshin Impact and a vent fic because I've been really stressed and well, it's hard living in my house :) It's a hurt/comfort fic because they always get to me and I needed to make something for myself

I am willing to do aftermath where the boys confront the abuser or do scenario but with different characters

Synopsis: You’re not a damsel in distress, you never have been and you never will be, but, well, sometimes you need a hero to rely on and that’s okay

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Zhongli and Childe

Warnings: Hints to past abuse, confrontation of abuser, violence, mentions of blood, threats, foul language

It had meant to be like any other menial day of an adventurer: sign in with Katheryne, complete your commissions, sign out with Katheryne with your payments - done and dusted.

But that wasn’t how it went, no, far from it - archons, so damn far from it.

“Thank you once again, (Name)” Katheryne’s smile was kind like usual, holding that familiar feeling of gratitude as she handed over your remission within a marked package, hand returning to the desk’s polished surface once you had taken it graciously, sending her a beaming grin back. “The Guild really appreciates your work ethic when it comes to the Ruin machines, it’s hard to come across adventurers who want to handle them anymore”

You sent her a shrug as you placed away the box “Can’t blame them really, they’re a hard bunch to handle- I was terrified of them when I first started too, but I had my vision to help me out, a lot of these folk only use there pure determination to eradicate them, gotta admire that!”

She laughed along with you politely “Have a good evening, (Name), I’ll see you again tomorrow?”

“Of course you will!” You backpedalled away from the guild reception, throwing the woman a polite double fingered salute as you did “Ad astra abyssoque as they say, my fair lady!”

She parrotted back her usual phrase before disappearing into the building, you walking further down the path of the city for your final activity for that day.

Of course, you didn’t reach that far, after all, it wasn’t that menial day you had expected, that you had wanted. Life was cruel sometimes, so incredibly cruel for no justified reason just for the sake of it all and you wished, archons, you wished you could rewind the clock and stop yourself from bumping into the body, to save yourself from all the repressed trauma bursting forth like a flurry of butterflies, well, more like moths, disgusting, ungodly, monster moths that aimed straight for the face.

“Sorry!” You yelped, too preoccupied with gathering your pocketwatch you had dropped in the stumble to see who it had been, after all, you were on a schedule and you didn’t want to be-

“(Name)?”

...late.

All of a sudden, time didn’t seem to exist, or maybe it was moving way too slowly from that horrid spike of adrenaline that shot into your bloodstream as soon as the voice registered.

You hoped to the Archons that it wasn’t, that it couldn’t, but did the gods hear your prayers?

“Oh Archons, it is you! It’s been such a long time!”

Of course, they did, they just didn’t care to listen. Ignoring the cries of your people were in fashion to them these days.

They stood there with a smile so excited it almost seemed to tear their face in half, with eyes sparkling with recognition after so many years away from them, they opened their arms welcoming you into their embrace like it was something just so normal for the two of you like you would come bounding to them like a lost puppy who had finally found their master.

The fear of your abuser dwarfed in comparison the pure feral rage and loathing to think that they even deserved to be breathing in the same space as you.

People were looking, of course, they were looking, you knew what they were doing, being bright and jovial, bringing others attention towards you both so that whatever scene you caused would be your fault like you were the bad guy. It was old tactics, of course, you wouldn’t dare do anything when you were younger, you’d just push through it, but this wasn’t old times, this wasn’t younger you, scared, smaller you afraid them, this was you now, a warrior, unwavering in battle, a person who smiled in the face of danger, who laughed at the pitiful fights that 2- no- 4 abyss mages brought to you!

To hell what other people thought, you’d stomp their head into the cobblestone if they had so much as poked you.

“Come here and give me a-”

You took a step back, mustering the deadliest face you could, but you wavered, it was only natural, no matter how much you could try to hype yourself up, this person was your first true experience of real-life nightmares, the first person to bring you true pain, no matter how many ruin guards, hunters, millachurls, mages- anything you faced, nothing could prepare you to face your first fear:

The fear of your older sibling.

“If you fucking touch me I’ll stab you-” The growl cracked nearing the end, you were always an angry crier but you were not about to fall back to this- this monster. “In front of all these people, I won’t hesitate”

Their face dropped followed by your stomach, though, the food you had for lunch sure did feel its way up your gullet.

“What’s with your language? We haven’t seen each other in four years and this is how you treat me? Your older sibling?” They laughed in disbelief because onlookers would think they were shocked, I mean, how could you speak to family like that? But they didn’t know, they didn’t know the words they had told you, the insults, the threats, those tight grabs, those beatings- they didn’t know, so they obviously didn’t know that the shock came from the fact that you had stood up to them.

You licked your lips to get rid of the dryness, but the problem you faced was that your mouth had dried out along with them, as did your throat.

Don’t let them turn this on you, don’t let them get the upper hand, you were better than them, so much better.

“You’re not my fucking sibling” You spat, feeling the air vibrate around you, a sudden shine from your cloak hinted you to the cause “You haven’t been for a long time, don’t fucking try that shit with me”

There it was, that familiar enraged spark, that look of hatred on their face, the thing that warned you about what you said had been the right thing to set them off, that they were just as easily triggered by the smallest act of rebellion just like when you were kids.

Of course, they hadn’t changed.

Evil never did.

They took a step forward but you didn’t back off, just hardened your resolve as they leaned in menacingly, as though their stupid little intimidation tactic still worked after all these years.

You told yourself it didn’t but you knew deep down that wasn’t completely true.

“Don’t speak to me like that, (Name)” Facade gone, they showed you what they really were, what they were really like after all, “Don’t you ever speak to me like that, you show me fucking respect”

Respect?

RESPECT!?

Oh Archons, you were angry, no, seething from the thought that they ever deserved respect.

That pathetic piece of shit, that gruelling pleb, mere gum on the bottom of your damn shoe-

You’d kill them, right here, right now.

You felt the familiar materialisation begin to form in your hand when another voice called out, a familiar loving one that nearly made your throat swell from relief.

“(Name)?”

Diluc

He could sense the tension. Of course, he could sense the tension, Diluc had faced this tension so many times before, he was practically the one that owned such a vibe anytime Kaeya even breathed near him for a second longer than necessary.

But being the one to witness it, to see you, the usual awkward, goofy sweetheart stare at another with such overbearing malice made him uneasy, caused his stomach to churn in ways he didn’t like, set him off in a way that was only reserved for the most chilling on moments.

Diluc wondered what exactly this stranger had done to warrant such a reaction from you.

“(Name)?” The redhead called, glancing around the many citizens of Mondstadt that watched the exchange with intrigue, guard and worry, eyes focused on the scene of this foreign stranger and fuming you, hand poised by your side with weapon particles dancing on your palm.

When Diluc finally made it over, his form seemed to curl protectively around you, hand landing on the small of your back delicately while keeping face with the person, eyes narrowed dangerously but still holding an air of civilness.

A true gentleman, even when you were close to merking some rando.

“Is there a problem?”

The stranger straightened immediately, backing up a few steps with their hands up in defence, sending Diluc a charming smile that the man could see through crystal clear.

“No problem, no problem at all” They glanced back at you, seemingly friendly despite his partner’s obvious ill intent that radiated off you in waves “Isn’t that right, (Name)?”

Diluc saw you tense up once again, the buzz from your Vision rising in volume with your obvious anger as you tightened your first, ready to just screw your weapon and go for the throat.

“If that is the case” The noble’s hand softly pressed against your back, gently but coaxing, knowing that conflict in the middle of the town centre would just bring the knights to meddle in affairs that they had no business attending “Then we shall be going”

“There’s no need to leave, after all, my sibling and I were just chatting”

He paused, shouldering a questioning glance your way but at the sight of your unruly expression, he pushed down his enquiries and once again began coaxing you away from the scene. Angel’s Share had already been open for a while, meaning the usual folk would already be settled in, but the storage room was sure to be a good place to chat and to calm you down, all he needed to do was get you away.

“We already had plans” The side glance had the stranger- your sibling, biting their tongue, brows furrowing in a known annoyance as the two of you began your way towards the pub, you still vibrating in anger. “Good day to you”

The two of you had made it a few feet when they called out once again “Don’t worry, (Name), I’ll see you again real soon”

Diluc’s arm tightened around you faster than you could react, tugging you away quickly “Diluc-”

“No, (Name)”

“Stay out-”

“Not here” Sharing a look, he softened at the shine in your eyes. “You’ll just attract the knights' attention”

You didn’t care, no, not one bit. If the knights had dared to interfere at that moment, they too would have been caught up in your blinded revenge, thrown aside or slashed down without single care just to finally eradicate the bane of your existence and you didn’t care about what consequences you brought about, you just didn’t and you made sure to tell Diluc that, as soon as you had the privacy of Angel’s Share’s storeroom, pacing up and down while he stood off to the side against the wall, watching silently.

“You had no right to get in my way!” You snapped, voice shaking from the pure emotions you were releasing “I finally had my chance, I was finally going to do it! They deserve to end by my hand, by my decision, after the years of torture they put me through! They deserved it! And you got in my way! How could you get in my way! I-”

Pushing off the wall, he slowly advanced towards you, carefully, hands out like he was approaching a wounded animal.

“I understand you’re upset-”

“I’m not upset!” You cried at him, stopping mid-step before dropping your head and tightly, grabbing your hair in your hands “I’m not upset! I’m angry! I’m so fucking angry! And I deserve to be fucking angry! I-”

The sob ripped through your throat despite you trying to hold it back, tears finally gathering in your eyes and rapidly falling down your cheeks “You should have let me kill them! I should have had the chance to rid the world of their evil! It’s not fair! It’s not- it’s not fair, I-”

You didn’t bother to fight him when his arms finally wrapped around you, just fell against him as you wept. The pent up rage, fear and sadness from years of repression taking its toll as you cried, your partner whispering sweet words as he raked his hand through your hair gently and leaned his head against yours.

“I’m sorry” His hand held your cheek fondly, ruby red staring back into your own eyes with a softness that made you melt “I didn’t know this meant so much to you, but if you’re willing to tell me, I’ll listen. I’ll always listen”

With another choked sob, you leaned into his hold “Please just hold me for now”

And he did just that.

Kaeya

The captain had promised to meet you at his office, a simple task really but with the lingering presence of Jean and the words ‘There’s so much work that needs to be done’ leaving her lips he bolted, hoping to catch you by the Guild and drag you to Angel Share for your date. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help her, it was just he had already promised you this night and Eula could have always taken his place with paperwork, her threat of “vengeance” as she liked to call it could wait for another day.

It was also due to the fact he had no intentions of filing any paperwork for as long as he could avoid it, but that was his secret to be kept.

Being the perspective man he was, he could tell straight away he had walked into something tense, surveying the surrounding people of Mondstadt who looked on in concern, the unbridled rage upon your face, the obviously intimidating lean that the stranger held over you- something was wrong and he knew he had to put a stop to it.

“(Name)?” You glanced for a single moment before your furious glare had returned to the stranger, another flag waving right in his face as he approached, “My dear? Who might this be?”

Before you could snap, lip curling in disgust, the stranger stood back to their full height, switching quickly with a fake charming smile that practically mirrored his own, holding out their hand towards him “(S/N) (Last), (Name)’s older sibling. it’s nice to meet you”

Kaeya’s smile widened and despite the glare from you that was now focused on him, he shook your sibling's hand in-kind “Kaeya Alberich, (Name)’s partner-”

He made sure to tighten his grip with his last words “And Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius”

Successfully, as he always was, Kaeya held back the smug, mocking grin that itched to climb onto his face when the neck of your sibling bobbed nervously, forehead reflecting the afternoon light as sweat gathered on their brow.

The man hadn’t obviously threatened them, surely, Kaeya was smarter than that, but then again, he could still present himself as a threat, a good one and well, his title was a menacing one when it came to the right moment. ‘Try anything and not only do I have the authority to kick your arse but the power to put you in a place many didn’t dare even step’ shortened into an innocent sentence with only 8 words.

“Cavalry Captain? That’s quite impressive” They laughed off, tugging away their hand awkwardly when Kaeya continued to keep a firm grip, his present eye focused solely on your siblings face. They glanced over to you “Quite an achievement for you, aye (Name)?”

You growled, “I’ll show you an achievement-”

Kaeya’s arm had wrapped around your waist not a second later, tugging you tighter to his side as the two of you turned, the man throwing your sibling a smile over his shoulder.

“As nice as it was to meet you, (S/B), we must be going”

And then without another word Kaeya dragged you away, heading in the direction of your home instead of Angel Share tavern, feeling your pure, unfiltered anger the whole way along with the citizens as they parted ways, rushing off from your rage.

It was only when you had returned to the sanctuary of your abode did you snap, jerking away from your boyfriend with angered strides and beginning your seething lecture towards him, moving up and down through the living room while he ventured off into the kitchen, grabbing 2 glasses and a bottle of wine.

“How dare you Kaeya! How fucking dare you! Do you have any idea what you were doing back there!? What was even happening back there!? So much for being the most observant man in Mondstadt because you seemed pretty dense to me the whole fucking time!” Your hands raked through your hair as you yelled, trying so hard to hold back the tears “I didn’t need your damn help, Kaeya! Nor did I fucking want it! Know to stay out of someone's business when it isn’t wanted!”

Logically you knew what he had done, you were smart like that and you knew Kaeya long enough to know what he was doing but your rage, fear and sadness blocked out everything in that moment, made you blind to reality, made you only think irrationally and Kaeya didn’t blame you for that. He could never blame you for that.

Though, it did hurt him to see you in this state.

“Wine?”

You gawked at him for a moment, staring at him with shock and confusion as he held out a wine glass towards you, another held in his other hand and a sweet smile plastered on his face, before your moment morphed into rage, grabbing the drink from his hand and tossing it towards the wall, the red wine splattering over the wallpaper and glass shards falling to the floor.

“Well, that was a waste-”

“Do you think I’m an idiot, Kaeya!?” You cried, not even bothering to hold back anymore as the tears fell and your voice cracked, hand pointing accusingly in his face “Is this some kind of joke to you!? Huh!? Am I a fool in your eyes!? Some sort of blubbering idiot!? Why must you- why do you-”

The second glass was placed on the dresser by you both, Kaeya’s hand coming to hold your cheek fondly while the other came to grab your hand that dangled in the air, still poised at him “I don’t think you're either of those, my dear, in fact, I think you’re one of the brightest in the whole of Teyvat, nevermind Mondstadt”

You hiccuped “Then why-”

Brushing away the wetness from your cheek, he brought your hand to his mouth to place a fond kiss on your palm “Because you mustn’t cry, (Name), don’t waste your tears on someone like them”

“I’m not crying, I’m-”

He shushed you gently and you finally relaxed, falling into his embrace with a heavy heart “-I’m not, I swear-”

Within the familiarity of your home, you wept in his arms, exhausted from the whirlwind of emotions and the scenes that had transpired that day, ready to just curl into yourself and try to block the flooding memories of history. Although, having Kaeya at that moment helped more than he could ever know, having him to rely on made it all so much easier to cope with that day.

“Tell me what ails you and I’ll listen” Brushing back some hair, he pressed a kiss to your head.

“Can..can we just stay like this for a while?”

“Of course, my dear”

Zhongli

He had sensed the incoming danger like it had been revealed in some sort of premonition. Maybe it had been a skill he had acquired after his long, eventful life, maybe it was his connection to Liyue and his citizens, but for some reason, as he sat before Iron Tongue Tian as the man recalled his tales of ancient Liyue like usual, Zhongli knew that the crowd that was forming around Wamin Restaurant had something that he need urgently attend, especially when even Tian paused his story to glance around the corner of the restaurant building to see the commotion.

When the archon had finally borne witness to the scene, he paused within the crowd, surveying the surroundings carefully. You were the centre of attention, along with another stranger, both glaring at one another with anger and disgust, though your own anger seemed to double compared to the other’s, seeing as your weapon was slowly materialising in your grip. Zhongli could also see Guild Master Lan making her way down the steps leading to the Guild reception, a worried expression on her face glancing between you and the approaching Millelith.

Zhongli made his decision, politely pushing through the crowd until he had finally made it by your side, hand being placed gently on your arm “(Name)?”

Both you and the stranger glanced at him, but he paid no mind to them, only held eye contact with you when Lan appeared by your other side, glaring at the stranger with a hardened gaze.

“Are you harassing my guild member?”

Before the stranger could respond, the Millelith had also popped in, glancing between you and them “Is there a problem?”

Zhongli had taken up your view when Lan began her take, she had borne witness for much longer than he had of course and he was certain that you were in no state to talk to the guards. Your eyes were glazed with hatred, pupils pinpricks in a sea of (E/C) and your hands were shaking, balled into fists.

If anything, he needed to try and calm you down first.

“Get the hell out of my way, Zhongli” Your teeth ground together, words shaking with anger “Don’t push yourself into my business”

“I’m sorry, my love, but I can’t do that” He tried brushing your cheek but you jerked away, glaring at his hand before glaring back at him, in no mood to be coddled “I don’t want you to do something you’d regret”

“Trust me, I won’t regret this one bit”

Zhongli held his tongue for the question that almost rolled out, knowing now wasn’t the time for inquiries when the stranger’s voice rang out, condescending and snarky as they addressed you.

“Still need people to protect you, aye (Name)? Of course, you’re still the same pathetic bitch from years ago”

You were lucky for your reputation around Liyue, for the picture of the kind and caring adventurer that had swept through the town from your years of living here because had it not been for that, you pushing aside your boyfriend and materialising your weapon to aim it at your sibling’s throat would have had you in cuffs that instant.

Lan grabbed you, tugging you away as you screamed “I’ll show you pathetic you fucker! Let me go!”

The Millelith didn’t wait to drag your sibling away, much to their cries of dismay, one sending Lan a nod while you continued to fight against her, crying out in frustration.

“Kid, you have to calm down-”

“Calm down!? No! Get the hell off me!”

Zhongli watched as you finally broke away, huffing and puffing up a storm before glancing amongst the crowd, staring at their worried and concerned faces, your own eyes tearing up before you looked away pushing past the crowd to find somewhere to be alone.

When Lan went to call out for you, Zhongli raised his hand, the two sharing a look before the archon made his way after you, his longer legs keeping a steady pace to which he could catch up to you, just beyond the bridge that led into Liyue Harbour. There were no people where you stood, just the lush green plants and great mountains of nature, a perfect place for you to let out your frustration without the prying eyes of the citizens.

“(Name)-”

“Leave me alone!” You cried, curling into yourself with your back turned to him “I don’t want you here, Zhongli! Nor did I want you back there! I didn’t need your or anyone else's help!”

You knew he was here from a place of concern, and deep down you begged that your words didn’t harm him in any way, but currently, you didn’t care, you didn’t want to care, you just wanted to be numb, numb to the flashbacks of your horrid past and numb to the feelings that were dragged along with them.

“My love, please, return with me to our home, I will brew some calming tea-”

“Tea? Tea!? Does it look like I want any fucking tea?! I couldn’t care any less about some fucking tea, Zhongli!” Spinning around on your heels, you scowled at him, not bothering to hide your rushing tears “Don’t you get it!? I want to be left alone, I-”

Two gloved hands gently encased your face, your angered expression morphing into one of shock as your partner stared down at you with glowing eyes filled with a deep-rooted love, affection, worry and so much more that you couldn’t put into mere mortal words. At that moment, everything felt as if it had melted away, only you and him were in this world, nothing else, just the two of you.

And you felt as though your heart had been lifted from the pressures of this life.

“I do not think it is best for you to be left alone” His baritone voice was always so calming, so serene and in your sane moment, you finally felt its effects “I wish to stay with you, so please, let me stay”

With a whimper, you grabbed onto his forearms and leaned your face into his hands, tears continuing to fall as your eyes fluttered shut “Okay…”

“They have hurt you deeply, haven’t they?”

Hesitantly, you nodded.

“Would you be so kind as to tell me the details?”

“I-...” Sharing eye contact once again, you whispered “Can- can you just...hold me for now? Please”

Moving his hands from your face, he engulfed you in his arms, leaning his head against yours “Of course”

Childe

The Harbinger had just left the Northland Bank, hell, he was just about to make his way down the spiral staircase but when hearing the commotion, he paused, something in his gut telling him to check just before and he was glad he did.

Glancing over the elevated walkway, he felt a fiery pit roar in the depths of his stomach, eyes narrowing dangerously at the scene; you were snarling in some other person’s face, their own face nothing short of disgust and a crowd that only seemed to grow by the minute.

Who the hell did this person think they were? Did they even know who you were? To stand so close to you, with a look of threat on their face like you weren’t about to kick their arse? Like he wasn’t about to kick their arse? How did this insignificant speck of dross not know your connections with him, the 11th Harbinger? Or did he know and was just trying his luck?

“Seems like someone has a death wish” And a death wish they had indeed.

Ignoring the perplexed glance from his subordinate stationed outside the building's entrance, Childe made his way down the steps, murderous look stitched on the whole way to the circle of civilians, the mass parting ways for the man that was Tartaglia and continuing to watch the moment in silence.

“Who the hell are you-” You both turned towards him, you in shock while the stranger stared in confusion until Childe’s hand wrapped around their collar, tugging them closer to look down at them with a deep-rooted disgust “-And why the hell are you harassing my partner?”

They fought against him, obviously, they did, but the surprise came when you saddled up next to him, grabbing his arm “Stay out of this, Tartaglia”

What? It hadn't been your request, no, you were always one to finish your whole fights you weren't "A damsel in distress after all!" no, you were so much more, so much greater but that look on your face, murderous and downright cruel- he just couldn't believe his ears.

Childe stared at you in shock while the stranger struggled, throwing him a dirty look in their attempts “Yeah, this is between my sibling and I”

Childe straightened in surprise, feeling embarrassment flood his system. Had he seriously just grabbed and threatened his lover’s family member? Oh, Archons, his judgement had been clouded by anger at the look of the scene, I mean, why would your sibling look at you that way-

“But it’s really no surprise that you still need to be babied, (Name), how shameful”

His eyes widened but not a moment later had you tackled your sibling, the crowd crying out in alarm as you threw back your fist and crushed their nose under the weight of your punch. “I’ll show you fucking shameful, bastard!”

There was shouting and a glance showed the oncoming Millelith marching towards the circle.

Being Fatui always did garner the attention of the guards nowadays, especially for him, who had tried to lure out the attention of their Archon by summoning an ancient god that nearly drowned the entirety of the harbour, so it was no surprise that they seemed to hurry in the pursuit when they noticed his appearance at the scene. However, lucky for him, your reputation as a great adventurer preceded you and throughout Liyue you were seen as a trusted and well-liked individual, meaning whatever trouble you got in, containing his meddling or not, was usually waved away due to the trust of the people.

So, without another thought, Childe tugged you off of your bloodied sibling and held you close, even as you thrashed violently, shouting at him to let you go.

“What is going on here?” A guard called, slamming the hilt of his polearm into the ground as he surveyed the area, eyes landing on the sibling before following the small trail of blood to you, still fighting against your boyfriend with threats falling from your lips “Was there a reason for this brawl? Who started it?”

As your sibling raised themselves on their forearms, they scowled and opened their mouth to respond, only for Childe to put in. “It was them, sir, they were the one that started it, (Name) was merely acting in self-defence”

The Millelith scowled at him, raising a brow and once again looking you over “Is that so?”

He addressed the crowd soon after “Is this what happened?”

And as expected, they all glanced over the sibling, then to you and piped up in agreement. It paid to be a hero, it seemed, the whole harbour returning the favour of years of helping out the community.

“If that’s the case, please come with us” The sibling cried out, anger and fear laced into their voice, trying to argue for their innocence only for the guards to grab them, hauling them away to archons know where while Childe did the same with you, slowly dragging you away from the scene and back into the bank, you screaming and cursing the whole way until you had made it to his office, finally managing to push him off and storming to the opposite side of the room practically seething.

“Who the hell do you think you are, Tartaglia!?” You cried, throwing out your arms in exaggeration “I didn’t need your fucking help! And why the fuck would you pull me off them!? I had them right where I wanted them and you fucking did that! Are you a moron!?”

“You had a sibling” He breathed, watching as you began to pace, muttering in an angered state “And you didn’t tell me”

“-after all these years I finally had the chance to end their pathetic excuse of a life and you just got in my fucking way! I’d waited too long for this moment and you fucking ruined it! How dare you, how fucking dare you-”

“(Name), why didn’t you tell me you had a sibling!?” He cried, walking up to you and grabbing your wrist to stop you “I was ready to kill them right there! And why are you talking about them like this!? They’re your family aren’t they-”

“They are not my fucking family!”

The scream echoed through the room, chilling Childe to the core as you ripped your arm from his grasp, running your hands through your hair before gripping it so tightly it felt close to being ripped from your head. But you didn’t care, no, you couldn’t, you were so angry and you needed something to keep you grounded, to keep yourself from losing yourself and getting lost in those haunting past memories.

The Harbinger felt his chest squeeze painfully as the tears fell down your face, red rimming your eyes and cheeks wet as you sobbed, chest heaving from trying to breathe “Family takes care of you! Family thinks of you in the highest light possible! They love you for who you are and they love you no matter what! That bastard hurt me, made me feel worthless and they refuse to believe they could do no wrong and I hate them! They are the bane of my existence! They are not my fucking family! I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I-”

Arms were around you instantly, Childe’s face pressed into your hair as you wept, grasping onto the lapels of his suit and shoving your face into his chest to muffle your cries.

“I’m sorry” He whispered, his own eyes shining slightly “I’m sorry, I was being insensitive. Please, don’t cry”

“No, I’m not crying, I promised myself I wouldn’t-” You hiccuped “I wouldn’t waste any more tears on them-”

Then you broke off into more wails, your boyfriend holding you close and letting you continue to cry in his arms, warm and comforting until you were finally reduced to whimpers, leaning into him heavily as the remaining adrenaline in your body began to wear thin when he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Will...will you tell me about it?”

You sniffed “Later...just hold me for now, please, Ajax...”

His arms tightened protectively “Anything for you, my love”

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inkandpen22 · 3 years ago

Text

Dazed and Confused ( S1: 3/?)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Female!Reader

Warnings: mild language and violence

Word Count: 3.1k

Part Summary: At Tina’s party, Y/N wants to forget all of her problems. Things take a turn when Billy makes a move on her, angering Steve

Masterlist

Arriving at Tina’s after dropping Dustin at Mike’s, I am in much need of some good old spiked punch. I yank down my gray oversized sweatshirt some more so that it hangs low off my shoulder. As I cross the threshold into the house, the heat of the crowded living room slaps me in the face. Directly to my left, the kitchen AKA the alcohol hub. I slip between bodies and end up at the counter covered with semi-empty bottles and old plastic cups. Most importantly, a bowl of maroon punch sits in the corner. I grab a cup and make my way over. A boy stands in front of it but I reach around him and scoop up some of the mystery substance.

“What’s in this?” I hear a voice holler behind me.

I turn around to answer but freeze when I realize it’s Nancy. She stares at me equally stunned. My face falls, this is awkward. Seriously universe? I couldn’t have at least one drink before bumping into her?

Steve appears behind her looking slick as ever in his black sunglasses and matching blazer.

“Everclear is my guess,” I answer, acting civil.

She nods timidly, “thanks…”

I step out of her way so she can get some of her own. Steve’s head travels up and down slowly with a blank expression. I can’t see his eyes but I assume he’s studying my costume. A gray oversized sweatshirt that hangs off the shoulder, red heels, matching earrings, and some shorts, though they’re unnoticeable. I can feel him starring me down through those stupid Ray-Bans. Silently, I beg for him to not bring up our encounter in the parking lot. All I wish for tonight is to drown out reality and try to forget. He’s a human ticking time bomb. The tension between us could be cut with a knife.

“Are you finally going to tell me what you are?” Nancy jumps in, forcing me to break my staring contest with her boyfriend.

I open my mouth to answer but Steve beats him to it.

“Flashdance,” he answers for me. “It’s one of her favorites.”

He acts distant, unattached, distracted by the party but I see right through it. There’s something he’s not saying. He says things like this as if it’s common knowledge. A random person wouldn’t describe my eyes as Y/E/C but gray depending on the lighting. One minute, he calls my eyes beautiful and the next he’s starring me down like a disapproving parent. The hell Harrington?!

Nancy gushes, apparently she and I are okay all of a sudden, despite early today with the whole Barb thing. Plus, I think she’s already been drinking for awhile so buzzed Nancy is fun Nancy.

“That’s so cute! You look hot!” She pulls me into a hug.

Over her shoulder, I glimpse up at Steve as he lifts his glasses to rest of his head. His brown eyes threaten to expose my upset from earlier. I get that he’s pissed about my neglect for my feelings. He wants to talk about what was wrong but right now we’re at a party and parties aren’t meant for depressing conversations.

“Let’s go dance!” Nancy suggests, already tugging me into the living room.

Steve calls after her but she ignores him. He follows behind us through the crowd with a groan. In the center of the living room, Nancy stops and turns to me with a bright grin. She cheers as she tosses her head back.

“Woohoo!” She laughs.

This is what I wanted, normalcy. We’re surrounded by our friends, drinking, dancing, being stupid! We did this before everything so why can’t we do it now? Perhaps after tonight, everything will fall back into place.

_______________________________________

On my third game of flip-cup, I’m beyond buzzed. In fact, when I walk I float. I’m on cloud nine. Here, this carefree and lively state is exactly where I wanted to be. Naturally, I’m competitive and amazing at drinking games so I finish my third game with yet another win. I cheer as Tommy from algebra hands me a cup of who knows what as my reward.

“Hey there beautiful,” a husky voice greets from behind me.

I spin around and kind of become dizzy from the action but catch myself.

It’s Billy.

“Hey hottie,” I smirk.

He snickers and closes the space between us to whisper in my ear. “How about you and I go somewhere a little more private?”

That’s a nice thought. He is cute. His ass could have its own zip code. Plus, he has no shirt on under that leather jacket, hello washboard like abs. His California tanned skin glistens under a thin layer of sweat. Damn, he’s a human Ken doll.

He’s no Steve though. Wait… what? I don’t think of Steve like that. Why would I think that? Um, yeah, that’s a no! Then again, Steve is always there for me. Sometimes it can be annoying how he’s always there. It means he cares but I don’t want to dump all of my drama on him. Then, he gets upset when I don’t open up. I hate it when I hurt him. I love him so much that when he’s in pain so am I.

“Okay,” I blurt out without truly thinking.

“Cool,” I hear him whisper as he takes my hand and starts pulling me toward the stairs across the room.

Wait, what? What am I doing? This isn’t me. I don’t like Billy. He treats Steve like shit. If anything I should kick his pretty ass. Though if I tried he’d probably murder me.

I glance down at his hand engulfing mine. It’s all rough and twice the size of my own. If we make it upstairs, it’ll be just him and I. I’ll be defenseless. I may be drunk but I’m not oblivious. My intuition is still working and it’s screaming for me to pull my shit together.

“Hey Billy? I don’t think…” I press my heels into the floor, slowing him down just as we reach the bottom of the stairs.

Aggressively, he whips around and purposefully towers over me to act intimidating. “What? Now, you’re saying no? Are you messing me? Playing with me!” He accuses.

I shake my head dramatically, “no! No, that’s not what-”

“Oh, so you still want to do this,” he presses.

Too impatient for an answer, he continues up the stairs. The grip he has on me has shifted up to my wrist. I attempt to tug myself free but fear dislocating it, his strength is too great. I stumble up the stairs behind me and I startle to feel dizzy. I think it’s safe to say I’ve had too much.

“No,” I whine, “I don’t want to! Stop! Please! I don’t want to! No!”

“Hey!” A booming voice echoes from the bottom of the stairs.

Rapid footsteps approach from behind me and a rush of relief consumes me when Steve appears beside me. He places a protective hand on my back.

“What the hell is going here?” He directs at Billy, taking note of his fist wrapped around my wrist.

“Nothing that concerns you, Harrington. Y/N and I were just heading upstairs.” He jolts his hand forward, causing me to traveling with it.

Steve instantly pries Billy’s hand from my body. Then, shoves him in the back, flying him forward to land with his ass on the stairs. “Don’t you ever touch her again! You hear me?!” He sneers. His face turns this deep red as he pants angrily.

The two start bickering but I can’t keep up. I see three Steves and a couple Billys shouting in each other’s faces. I lean against the railing unsteadily and slide down to sit on the steps. My eyes suddenly feel very heavy.

“I’m going to go to bed now,” I announce to no one in particular.

I decide to get some rest and shut my eyes. It’s okay, Steve’s here. He’ll protect me.

I’m not sure how much time has past when I hear Tommy and some of the other basketball boys come to break up the fight.

“Come on Y/N,” I hear Steve whisper to me, “let’s get you home.”

Feeling as light as a feather, I’m picked up like a sleepy child off the ground. For a moment, I fall asleep again. I rest my head on his chest and ponder the rare opportunity to sleep without being afraid of being eaten by a monster.

“Y/N?” I hear someone repeatedly call my name. “Y/N, wake up!”

I ease open my eyes and at first my vision is blurry but then they eventually adjust. Steve glances down at me as he we cross the threshold hold to the front yard.

“You smell like sunshine and all things exquisite,” I mumble to myself, adjusting myself in his arms to curl closer to his warmth.

“Even when hammered you still manage to be a walking thesaurus,” he teases.

Opps, he heard me. Oh well, I wasn’t lying. He smells like vanilla, the ocean, sugar, spice, and everything nice.

Goosebumps course over my skin as a brisk October breeze hits me. I shiver slightly and Steve holds me closer.

“We’re almost to my car. I’ll turn on the heat high. You’re okay,” he promises calmly.

Playing the hero, Steve places me into the passenger seat gently and straps me in. I toss my head to the side and rest my eyes again. He shuts the door for me before jogging to the driver’s side. The car drowns out the sound of chaos coming from the party and creates a sense of security. Steve slides behind the wheel and for some reason I choose now to act reasonable.

“Have you been drinking? If so, you shouldn’t drive,” I state like a health textbook.

He chuckles, popping in the keys. “I’m sober. Promise.”

“That’s nice. Good to know,” I yawn.

The last thing I can remember of the ride home is Steve turning on the car.

______________________________________

I wake up silently as Steve pulls up in front of my house. He’s unaware of my stare as he finishes parking and turning off the car.

“Hazel,” I tell him, announcing my woken state.

He looks to me with scrunched eyebrows, all confused. It’s cute when he does that. He’s cute. Geez, what the heck am I saying? He’s dating my best friend! Steve is Steve and Katherine, we don’t mix, at least that way.

“What?” He questions, turning to face me.

“Your eyes… they’re hazel…” I repeat softly with a yawn. “But, it really depends on the lighting.”

He snickers, and astonished expression blesses his features. The subtle blush forming on his cheeks makes me smile to see him all bashful because of my comment. He has no idea how gorgeous we truly is, inside and out. He glances down at his lap, at his hands fidgeting with a button on his jacket, then back up at me with hooded eyes.

“See, right now!” I point out, “they’re a dark brown like a burnt caramel, basically black. When you’re really focused on a task or upset about something, they go dark. Then, when you’re really happy or excited, they turn to a light hazel… like seaglass. It’s how I can tell if something’s bothering you. You don’t even have to tell me half the time. All I have to do is look into your eyes and I know,” I state a matter-of-factly with a light snicker.

I shift you see him directly and tuck a few strands of my hair away from my face. He watches my every move patiently, eagerly, for me to say something more, anything. I can’t speak for him but my heart won’t stop racing. Is it possible to have stage fright in a conversation? I feel like a mannequin, on display. Nervously, I twirl my hair at the ends and find myself unable to meet his gaze anymore.

“Your pupils are rarely small,” I add quietly. “They’re usually really big and take up most of your eye giving off the illusion they’re black. One thing that never changes is…” I make a circle with my finger in front of my eye to demonstrate, “is the gold rim around each of them.” I lower my hand into my lap and play with the end of my sweatshirt. “That’s my favorite part… ” I confess timidly.

I wouldn’t be saying these things if I were sober. I wish he would say something, anything. He must think I’m crazy. He finds me with Billy heading up stairs. I can only imagine what he must think of me now. Embarrassed beyond belief and sobering up, I excuse myself.

“Thanks for the ride,” I say as I unbuckle myself. “See you Monday!”

Swiftly, I climb out of the car. As I walk toward my front door, I curse myself for acting so stupid! Geez, what was I thinking? ‘The gold rim around each of them, that’s my favorite part!’ What kind of mushy, guhsy, marshmallow fluff is that? Ew! If he never spoke to me again I would judge that as completely reasonable! He has a girlfriend! He’s taken! Completely off limits! Why did I spew out this creepy nonsense to him like a total idiot? I’m not some lovesick teenage girl! I’m going to go to my room, put in some Guns N’ Roses, and just scream into my pillow all weekend! It sounds like an excellent plan to me because I just ruined my friendship with Steve forever! Add Nancy to that list because once he fills her in on what I said I’ll lose both of them!

“Y/N!” He calls after me.

I ignore it as I march faster toward the door. He’s only going to call me crazy because I was acting crazy!

“Y/N, wait!” He repeats as I hear him shut the car door and run toward me.

“Goodnight, Steve!” I urge him away without turning around.

His footsteps speed up until they come to a halt directly behind me. I reach for the door handle, my freedom. Desperately, he grips my forearm and steps in front of me, blocking the front door.

“Look, could you just slow down for a sec?” He yells at me as he pants to catch his breath.

“No! I can’t slow down! I just want to go inside, get in my pajamas, and forget tonight ever happened! Alright? Now, excuse me,” I gesture for him to get out of the way.

Reluctantly, paired with an overly dramatic eye roll, he steps aside. Despite wanting his to leave, I thank him quietly for cracking open the front door slowly, making sure not to wake anyone.

“Nance and I broke up…” Steve drops on me.

My heart leaps and I stop dead in my tracks. Unsure of what to do or say, I remain still in the doorway and wait for him to say more.

“She never loved me,” he explains with a heartbroken tone. “At least… I don’t think she did…”

Shit. Please don’t tell me that, Harrington. It only makes me want you more. He’s always so close but too far out of reach. I care about him more than anything but he’ll never mine. I’m just the friend.

I spin on my heels and offer him a sympathetic smile, “would you like to come in?”

He nods, clearly miserable. I step aside, allowing him in. After shutting the door behind us, I warn him to be quiet so we don’t wake my parents. He nods slowly and slips his hand into mine. Never breaking eye contact with me, he leads the way through the moonlit house toward my room. His platonic touch is so blissful, I can only imagine what it feels like otherwise.

_________________________________

Steve and I sit on my bed in our usual positions with my record player going quietly. He lounges like a patient in therapy and me, acting as his therapist, criss-cross beside him. He explains everything. He describes how drunk Nancy got and how he followed her to the bathroom. It was there they got into a fight. She admitted feeling guilty for the loss of Barb. Then, she called all of it bullshit. Us acting like carefree teenagers, never telling Barb’s parents the truth, her love for Steve, all of it is bullshit. He asked Jonathan to take her home and that’s when he stumbled upon me and Billy.

Watching Steve relive it all and hearing the pain in his voice breaks my heart. How could Nance do this to him? I get that she’s going through something, we all are. I’m by no means normal. I’m hiding everything for Pete’s sake! I haven’t been myself for over a year. Steve was just now becoming truly happy again! He was putting on a brave face for Nancy for so long! Now, she crushed it. She crushed him.

I reach and place my hand over his as they rest intertwined on his stomach. “I’m sorry. Truly, I am.”

“I really loved her. At least, I think I did. I don’t know anymore. I thought she loved me too.”

“I did too,” I tell him honestly.

He glances away from the ceiling down to me, “what can I do?”

I wish I knew the answer. I wish there was a way I could take away his pain. Yet, I have nothing. I shrug, “I’m not entirely sure. I think you should at least talk to her.

Tomorrow, of course, when she’s sobered up. Perhaps, she was just drunk and didn’t mean what she said. She wasn’t in the proper mindset.”

“So I shouldn’t take what she said to heart?”

“Well, there’s also the argument that drunk words are sober thoughts.”

“Does the same go for you?” He snickers.

I laugh, “sometimes.”

“So you don’t like the gold in my eyes? I thought it was your favorite part?” He smirks, turning to lay on his side and face me. My hand would’ve fallen off his hadn’t he flipped his over to catch it.

Ugh, he’s such a sneaky jerk! His cheeky smirk only grows with my silence. Warmth rushes to my cheeks as I bashfully hide my face.

“Yeah… about that…” I laugh nervously, “let’s just pretend I didn’t say anything.”

“Should I forget that you also said I smell like sunshine and everything exquisite?” He adds to the torment.

I groan, tossing my head back. This must count as torture. “Preferably, yes,” I request shortly.

We share a laugh at my annoyed reaction. He’s impossible! Even he should be mopping he still manages to tease me!

A comfortable silence fills the air and I stare down at the pillow in my lap as I play with the lettering on it.

________________________________

Masterlist

#steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington smut #stranger things fanfic #stranger things #stranger things smut #stranger things image

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undertale-data · 3 years ago

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[Image Description: An Undertale chat box that has “WHY FANS LOVE UNDERTALE” at its center. Next to it are a line chart and an Egg from the Dating Hub on its left, and a CRIME measurer (also from the Dating Hub) on its right. End I.D.]

[Image Description: a pie chart titled, “LEVEL OF LOVE FOR UNDERTALE.” The textbox on the top right reads, “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least and 10 being the highest, how much do fans enjoy Undertale?” From the top going clockwise, 12 or 0% chose 5 and below; 23 or 1% chose 6; 98, or 4%, chose 7; 325, or 12%, chose 8; 529, or 20%, chose 9; and 1664, or 63%, chose 10. End I.D.]

It’s clear from all of the data analyzed so far that fans who took the time to answer our survey love Undertale. It is unlikely that they would have taken the time to answer so many questions if they had not, and even less likely that they would have come across our survey in the first place. Naturally, it comes as no surprise that 63% of our responders gave their love for Undertale a score of ten out of ten. 95% gave their love for Undertale a score of eight or higher, and only 12 responders responded with five or below, a number so small that their responses had to be lumped together to be visible on the pie chart. Of those, only 3 responders gave their love for Undertale a score of 1, and based on those responders’ other answers, it is likely that they were only intending to troll. We are very fortunate that the vast majority of responders took the survey seriously, enough so that responses like this are barely a blip in the data.

Now, for our final analysis post of the event, we will delve into the reasons that fans love Undertale so dearly.

(Essay and highlights under the cut.)

There have been countless essays on the impact that Undertale has had on people’s lives. I can hardly add more on the subject than what has already been said, but I hope this summary can provide a brief overview of what stood out among the over two thousand answers given in response to this survey. That said, due to the sheer volume of answers, I could not read every single one in depth—however, I did skim all of them, and some that stood out or were representative of several responses have been highlighted below. If you would like to see what every fan who consented to share their response had to say, you may view the full list of responses here. Note that these responses have not been edited in any way. This document may take a long time to load, as it is over 100 pages long.

(Warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts in the following essay.)

Several responders loved the theme of choices mattering in Undertale. Whether people played the pacifist, merciless, or neutral routes, they enjoyed how the game reacted to their actions. For some, it even made them consider their own morality. One touching response explained the impact that the theme of mercy made on them. “I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.” Many fans left similar comments about how the themes of Undertale made them better people.

Undertale changed how its fans treat others, and it also changed how fans treat themselves. The theme of staying determined and the messages of hope in the game were a light to a very large portion of fans. I cannot list all of the fans who said that Undertale helped them out of a dark place, or that they would not be alive if not for Undertale. “DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.”

Undertale brought fans together in unexpected ways. Some said they met friends or significant others through the fandom. “I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale,” one fan said. A different fan who is non-native English speaking mentioned that the game and the fan community helped them to learn English.

It would be impossible to discuss Undertale without mentioning the fan community. Whether for good or bad, many responders mentioned the fandom in their responses. Overall the feelings towards the fandom seem positive, though many made references to “toxic” parts of the fandom without specifying which parts they consider toxic. Others rejected the idea of toxicity in fandom. One response said: “[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!”

One thing that makes the Undertale fandom unique is the way it embraces various AUs. Some fans are tired of AU content, but the majority of responses show a love for the creativity behind AUs. “Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.” The lack of a judgemental atmosphere seems present in the AU community, according to the responses we saw. There is an interesting balance between AU and canon (sometimes referred to as “classic”) content that another responder pointed out: “The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertale fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)”

Regardless of the many AUs the fandom has created over the years, the original game of Undertale still feels like home for many fans. They wished they could reclaim the feeling of playing the game again for the first time, but even though we can’t reset time in real life, there is still a special feeling for fans each time they play Undertale. One fan said, “Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.” This feeling is one that can be cherished time and time again. In the words of another responder: “It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it.” Others pointed out the strength of the found family trope in Undertale, which likely contributes to this feeling of “home” as well.

As mentioned briefly earlier, the music is part of what makes Undertale feel like home for fans. Even when responses focused on other aspects of the game, many would throw in a comment about the soundtrack at the end. One comment focused on the music said “IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.” Like with the game itself, the music has incredible replay value, an amazing feat considering most of the tracks use the same few motifs. “I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story,” another responder said. “They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.”

If the music sticks with fans in their hearts, then the game’s lore sticks with fans in their minds. Even six years after the release of Undertale, fans are still creating new theories and digging up new secrets. The way the game breaks the fourth wall in particular intrigued many fans and has stuck out through all these years. The awareness that the game shows for the RPG genre makes it memorable. The game plays with the player’s expectations and turns them on their heads, all while reminding the player that they’re in a game. There are few other games that do this on such a large scale, so it’s no surprise that fans cite this as one of their favorite things about Undertale.

Lastly, the LGBT+ representation in Undertale has been a huge draw for fans. Especially in 2015, the sheer volume of non-cishet characters was unprecedented, as one fan pointed out: “It's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. Hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. It's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.” The LGBT+ cast including Frisk, Chara, Napstablook, Monster Kid, Mettaton, Alphys, and Undyne each connected with fans in unique ways. It’s clear how important this is from responses such as: “There are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.” “It made me gay and trans so thanks for that.”

Once again I am overwhelmed with just how much there is to say about Undertale. One responder really understood when they compared Undertale to an iceberg, explaining that there are so many layers to the game that there is something for everyone: “everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans—from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers—is the mark of the coolest games!” I would have to agree with them.

It’s been six years, and despite everything, it’s still you. Thank you for reading, participating in this survey, and above all, staying determined.

Highlights:

DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.

I think the coolest thing was having the opportunity to watch the AU community grow from its bare roots. It's nearly insane how big and complex it's gotten, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.

i love how the lgbt rep is so naturalized... there are just gay people! and its nobodys business!

The music is my go to answer, but what I really really REALLY love is how the minor characters have so much personality to them when you talk to them. They aren't incredibly important to the overall story, but they're all so likeable and diverse that you just can't help but like them immediately!

I think it was the first videogame I have played that broke the fourth wall that much. Of course there has been other videogames that broke it but just for one or two tongue-in-cheek jokes. The guilt of killing mama goat was also something intense as well that I appreciated as an experience and that I didn't think a videogame could cause on someone.

I love how no character can be seen as completely bad! Everyone builds up Asgore as some horrible villain, but he turns out to be a 'fuzzy pushover' who's broken and just wants his family back by the time you meet him. Then you think Flowey's an irredeemable killer who engineered the suffering of the monsters across many timelines, and he is... but he also used to be the kind and beloved Prince Asriel Dreemurr, traumatized by his death and subsequent rebirth, projecting his best friend onto you.

The fact that choices matter in the game. Your first playthrough and getting the golden ending for the first time. I can never replicate those feelings again, wish I could erase my memories and replay the game from the start.

I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale.

(Toxic parts of the fandom aside) The community is possibly one of the kindest I've ever met. Cringe culture is completely dead, and I feel like I can be myself. I felt a very close connection to many of the characters, and I loved consuming content about them when I was in a rough patch in my life.

just everything, the whole game has just impacted my life so much. i know it sounds really lame, but when the game first came out, i would purposely put my hands in my pockets and sway slightly, like sans' idle animation. of course i dont do that anymore haha, but undertale still really impacts me to this day, and i wouldnt have it any other way :)

it made me gay and trans so thanks for that

I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.

The thing I love most about Undertale is no matter how many times I play or watch a playthrough it always makes me genuinely happy. It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it. Toriel still makes me feel all warm and cozy in her home, the Skelebros always make me laugh, and I still cry on the inside watching Frisk comforting Asriel. And on the flip side the No Mercy run still invokes the negative emotions in me as well. In short Undertale just feels like a second home to me and I always wish I could stay.

The reader inserts are my favorite way to decompress after a hard day

I think Undertale helped me discover my love for 8-bit games, and made me realize how IMPORTANT music is in video games.

the worldbuilding and character design are my favorite parts of the main game apart from the music! I’m also a huge fan of the random AU music- not for like underswap or underfell i like the stuff where someone makes a megalovania for a random au where gru from despicable me replaces sans as the character. i think its funny

Just... the vibe, honestly? Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.

there are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.

[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!

There's a scene where Frisk (the player) is going towards what is presumably going to be their death. They will fight Asgore and he will use their human soul to break the barrier and free his people. The music, despite the player's impending doom, is... triumphant. You are not the triumphant one here, and yet, the score invites you to experience the monsters' joy and happiness as they tell you the tale of their subjugation. The monsters are going to be free. This is their victory, but they don't hate you or want you to die. They're just... happy. That scene has always struck me very deeply. I feel it represents the best parts of Undertale.

I loved how well thought out the Geno route was. It really made me feel like I was doing something horrible, and the characters were very obviously reacting to dire circumstances.

I dunno? I like Undertale for it's characters, story, music, secrets and many more. I am not good with Headcanons but I also like the neutral endings and how different they can depending on who you spare and kill

I was very bad at english before, i thought i couldn't progress because i was very shy and not confident. But my sibling and i wanted to have the best experience with this game so we wanted to play it in english. It's this game and the fandom which helped me to make huge progress in english !

THE SOUNDTRACK. IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.

to avoid writing an essay i will say one word. Mettaton

It is like Toby specifically made the games to fit the iceberg meme and it's awesome, everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans - from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers is the mark of the coolest games!

I love almost everything about Undertale as a game on its own. The music, the art and especially the characters and how they interact. They made me feel at home. Undertale means a huge amount to me. (I even got a tattoo of the castle when you and MK walk together!) The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertake fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)

the mystery. toby fox refused to give answers to anything and i think thats very sexy of him.

I just feel guilty for liking it so much when I'm in my 30's. But I recently got diagnosed with ASD, so I guess it explains things a bit. Many ppl consider Papyrus to be neurodivergent, and some adult fans are too, so seeing that makes me feel a bit better.

i think about "Despite everything, it's still you" everyday of my life.

I like how it's just as funny as it can be serious. All routes are this way. I laughed as much as I cried when I played the Pacifist route and then once I opened the game again and Flowey was telling me to let them be happy, I immediately turned off the game. I somehow felt bad.

The Found Family Trope

The True Pacifist Ending is just...man. And the fanworks about saving everyone even when the game doesn't let you? MANNNNNN

I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story. They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.

there's honestly a LOT to love about this game, but i think one of my favorite things about it is just how many lgbt+ characters there are??? i can think of alphys, undyne, frisk, chara, mettaton, napstablook, monster kid, asgore, mad mew mew, the dress lion, the royal guards, and arguably even papyrus off of the top of my head, but im sure i'm forgetting a few from just undertale alone (there's even MORE in deltarune)!! it's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. it's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.

[Image description: A wordcloud in the shape of the capitalized word UNDERTALE. The text is white on a black background, and uses the font found in the game. Some of the most visible words are: Game, Love, Music, Life, AU, Store, Friend, and Feel, which represent the most common words in the essays people wrote about their love for the game. End of ID]

#undertale #analysis #results #undertale fandom census

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yandere-sins · 4 years ago

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omg the idea of yandere, silent, stoic kitsune suna lives in my mind rent free😳 also your writing is so good!! i love all your haikyuu posts, they’re so thrilling, they always have me on the edge of my seat with my heart in my throat. the suspense and world building is just too good!

Aww thank you so much ;; That’s so nice of you ♥ I am very glad you are able to enjoy my writing that much!!

Also anon, hands down my head’s full of kitsune and gods too lately... I gotchu--

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In a way, you felt sentimental, thinking back to the little fox you met on your way home from work. The way it watched you, its tail slowly wagging up and down, and the tiniest sounds it made as it followed you home, paws scratching over the asphalt. You were too scared to get closer than two arm lengths, but your lips still curled into a smile when you looked over your shoulder, its eyes darting up to yours, and it stopped, careful of your actions. As if it wanted to be by your side, yet, not in a way that you’d know.

You had been so thoughtful feeding it as it settled in the forest behind your house. Thrown little pieces of meat towards it or used tongs to hand it over to its maw. There was definitely enough respect between the two, but you had to admit you also spoiled it a little with cooking an extra portion of dinner for it and putting out blankets for it to curl up in on rainy days. It’s not like it hurt someone, or bothered anyone. You two merely worked up a tender relationship, and it’s not like that wasn’t your intention when you began to engage more with it.

So why did you feel ridden with regret, now that it returned your affection?

It - or he, you were still figuring that out on the go - didn’t change, even as the fox’s body contorted, claws turning into long fingers, fur into hair. Just his eyes always stayed the same, unreadable and, to you, a bit scary. There was no grand reveal or even a simple introduction. “Suna,” he said, tapping his own chest as he approached. Thankfully, your body knew better than your mind to counter his steps with your own, always one step further back than he was.

He seemed to get the hint, his eyes lingering on yours for a second more before he stopped, his head turning side to side, tilting slightly up and down as he inspected his surroundings. “W-Who...?” you croaked, gripping tightly into the cushions of your couch behind which you hid from him, gaining some distance.

“Are you not listening? Suna,” he repeated, sharp, bright irises focusing back on you. “Why didn’t you shoo me away?”

It was an untypical question, really. However, you weren’t sure what you expected from a man - or at least creature - with a pair of triangle-shaped, fluffy ears peaking from his black hair and an oversized tail still wagging after him. “What are you doing in my house?!” you threw back, rightfully unnerved by the appearance of him after you just got home that day.

No one in your family or friend circle would have been allowed to simply enter and enjoy the comforts of your home without your knowledge, and this person certainly wasn’t even one of either. You wished you could have said that you had never seen him before, but your gut told you otherwise.

“I felt like coming in. Being outdoors all day can be quite exhausting, you know?”

A moment of silence hung between you, though he never so much as blinked in the time that you two stared at each other. On an animal, sure, those sly, focused eyes were quite cute, but they were nothing short of unnerving on a human. Wait, you thought.

“The fox.” The realization hit you as you took an instinctive step further back. Suna’s ears peaked up at that, and for a brief moment, a smile laid on his lips, showcasing a rare case of pride in his expression. Was he proud of you for figuring it out? Or proud of his own origins? You couldn’t tell. But as quick as the change of face came, he dismissed it, taking a deep breath. It was neither a confirmation nor rejection of what you just realized, but he didn’t seem keen on pondering over it. “So why didn’t you shoo me away? Don’t you know that animals come back if you feed them?”

Why is it you’re so surprised? he seemed to want to ask, unable to put it into proper words. Your throat felt dry as your thoughts finally caught up with what you wanted to say, and you gulped once, wondering how to answer this. “It’s still a living creature... I just wanted to help it out.”

As if you could read his mind, the deadpan expression on his face shifted only slightly, telling you what he thought about your sentiment. Truly, he didn’t seem like he needed help with food. If anything, he had devilishly good looks, no signs of malnutrition showing under the sand-colored kimono he wore.

It was hard to converse with him, but it was just as hard to keep eye contact. Something about him, may it be his posture or the extra limbs he displayed, made you restless, not least because you saw him shift from something akin to a fur monster to nothing short of a man out of a fairytale. Your mind was so driven by curiosity that you almost didn’t hear the urges of your body. Why was he here? What made him follow you in the first place? What was he? All questions that troubled you, yet, all your shivering knees and nervous lip-biting told you, was to get away. After all, looks and reality were two different things. He might look intriguing and yet be dangerous under those brilliant eyes.

“What are you...?” you managed to bring forth eventually. However, before you even spoke your last word, he silently passed you, and you jumped out of his way, watching in shock as he closed the door to your garden through which he must have come in. Almost as if he had waited for you to make a run for it. As if he had given you a chance, at least.

“Are you really that curious?” he asked, closing in the distance much too fast for your comfort. You barely had time to move before he gripped your wrist, his fingers abrasive against your skin. “For starters, I’m hungry, so feed me.”

Instantly, you felt appalled by his touch, but even more so his request. “How dare you...!”

“I’ll find something if you don’t hurry,” he interrupted you, never giving you the time to speak out your emotions at him. Instead, he lifted his hand, gnarly, sharp fangs protruding from a row of white as he pulled your fingers to his lips. With his tongue licking at your fingertip, you had only seconds to pull your hand away, stumbling and losing your footing as you took quite a few steps back. You could have already seen your finger being caught between his teeth and the thought alone sent a shiver down your spine.

“No!” you yelled out, only sparing a short glance at your hand to see if everything was still okay. It wasn’t long that an obvious growl of a stomach made its way to your ear, and for some reason, you couldn’t help but take his demand very seriously after the show he put on. “I will get some! Stay- Stay here so long!” you instructed. With an anxious glance over your shoulder, you ran off into the kitchen next to the living room, rummaging through your fridge.

How adorably frightened you were. Annoying to deal with still, but not as bad as other humans were when he appeared. Suna knew he’d have to hide and wait if you were to call someone for help or leave the house without him, but you had yet to find out how much fun he’d have with you. The more you’d try to keep him away, the more eager he’d become to be by your side. That had always been the case with the humans that thought he was too adorable to keep away.

Suna loved the look of you fussing in the kitchen, trying to prepare anything for him. Even though you told him to wait, he couldn’t help but follow on quiet soles, roaming around you and taking in the scents mixing under his nose of the food and you. He couldn’t be bothered with the other foxes’ opinions about humans. Not when you were so much fun to hang around, reacting to even the most subtle of his actions as if you were a rabbit rather than a proud human.

But you, on the other hand, would have to learn how to deal with the constant, watchful eyes in your back and the mischievous smile playing over his lips when you weren’t looking.

Especially now, when he wasn’t going to leave the hand that was feeding him anytime soon.

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cuttoothed · 4 years ago

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Day 7 of @jonmartinweek for the prompt "You are my reason". Still living in post-200 AU land.

There comes a day when Jon doesn’t wake up afraid.

His alarm goes off before the sun rises; he wakes tired, but feeling a little thrill of anticipation, because he and Martin have plans today. Nothing earth shattering, but they’re both off work, and the weather is due to be nice, so they’re going hiking up in the hills. Jon’s been looking forward to this all week; he's even okay with being up at dawn on his day off.

The hike is challenging, but the views are worth it, as the morning clouds part into sunshine and leave them gazing out across the craggy, verdant landscape. At the crest of the trail, they sit on a boulder to eat sandwiches and drink tea from a flask; Martin spots some cows on the hillside below and points them out with delight. By the time they get back to the car, they’re exhausted, and they agree that nobody’s going to be cooking tonight, so it’s takeaway from the Indian place near their flat.

That evening they eat too much curry, and drink red wine, and end up curled sleepy and sated on the sofa together, watching nonsense on telly.

“This was a good day,” Jon says; Martin only hums in agreement, so it’s probably time to get him to bed.

It’s only as he’s brushing his teeth that Jon realizes that he hasn’t thought about the end of the world all day. He usually wakes up from dreams of the ruined world; at the very least, it’s always in the back of his mind, guilt and fear and grief tapping at the windows of his consciousness through the day. He’s never had a day where he didn’t think at all about what happened—about what he did.

The realization jolts sharply through him, like a missed step in the dark; it makes something drop like a stone into his stomach, though he doesn't understand why.

He tells his therapist about it at their next session, couched in the careful untruths he’s crafted to convey the vast weight of it all without mentioning the literal apocalypse. Stuart listens, nodding, as he describes what happened, and then when Jon is finished he says:

“You know this is a good thing, right?”

“S-sorry?”

“Trauma plants its roots deep, Jon. It’s pervasive, like chronic pain. The days you have without pain in your leg or your hand, those are good, right? Even though they don’t mean that you’re permanently healed?”

“Yes,” Jon admits, flexing his fingers.

“This is the same. Your trauma isn’t gone, but the fact that you were able to enjoy a whole day without thinking about what happened—that’s really, really good.”

“But I can’t just forget—” Jon starts, and he’s not sure what he’s trying to say; I can’t forget what happened, I can’t forget that it was my fault, I can’t stop looking over my shoulder for what’s coming next.

“Of course not,” Stuart agrees. “But part of healing is letting what happened move into the past. Not forgetting it, but recognizing that it isn’t part of your present. That you can move on.”

Except it is the present, in the thousands of worlds he unleashed the Fears into. It isn’t something that can just be forgotten, that he can move on from. They’ve seen and felt no trace of the Fears in this world yet, but even that doesn’t mean they won’t come; it may just be a matter of time. Jon feels his chest tighten with that knowledge, that fear.

“The people I hurt,” he says carefully. “It’s not in the past for them—they’re still hurt by my actions today.”

“That might be true,” Stuart says. “But from what you’ve told me, you can’t change that. And your guilt doesn’t help them. All it does is punish you.”

“Maybe I deserve to be punished,” Jon snaps angrily, but Stuart only smiles, his face kind.

“Nobody deserves to be punished forever, Jon. Eventually, you have to forgive yourself.”

They’re nice words, but Stuart can’t possibly understand what he’s asking Jon to do. He’s been responsible for immeasurable pain and fear, the unchecked torture of billions of people; he will be responsible for so much more, across thousands of worlds. His whole life has been nothing but a means to a horrifying end. How can he just absolve himself of guilt, enjoy this charmed life he’s somehow gained while damning countless others?

(How can he believe that the consequences will not find him, someday.)

Martin must notice his mood when he gets back from therapy, because it’s not five minutes before a mug of tea and a packet of Jon’s favorite biscuits are placed on the coffee table in front of him.

“All right?” Martin asks, sitting down on the sofa with his own tea. He never asks Jon questions about his therapy —just as Jon respects the privacy of Martin’s sessions—but if he thinks Jon is upset, he’ll ask an open question like this, so Jon knows the offer is there to talk about it.

Jon considers. He hasn’t told Martin about what happened—or rather didn’t happen—the day they went hiking, not wanting to spoil it for him. But Martin’s the only person in this entire world who can possibly understand how Jon is feeling, and he’s the person Jon trusts most. Jon doesn’t want to hide things from him, not anymore. They’ve had enough of that for a lifetime.

So he tells Martin what happened, and how it made him feel, and what Stuart said, and how that made him feel. At the end of it, Martin gives him a fond, teasing smile.

“So what I’m hearing is that you’re feeling bad for not feeling bad,” he says. “That is...so incredibly you, honestly.”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” Jon protests.

“I know it is. And I’m not trying to dismiss how you feel. I promise. It’s just…” Martin pauses, his brow furrowing as he considers what to say. “Sometimes, when I feel sad for no reason—when parts of me go sort of...numb, I start looking around, expecting to see the fog curling in under the windows. But it isn’t, because the Lonely isn’t here, and I have to deal with the fact that there’s no—no fear monster making me feel that way. It’s just me.”

“Martin…” says Jon, his heart aching. Martin doesn’t often talk about the bad days, after they’ve passed; he prefers to save it for his therapist, since “that’s what I pay them for”. He reaches for Martin’s hand, and Martin laces their fingers together.

“I think you’re the same,” Martin says. “Ever since we got here, you’ve been waiting for something bad to happen. For all of it to—to catch up with you. But it hasn’t. There’s no Fears coming after you, and there’s no...universal justice, or whatever, to punish you. It’s just you, Jon.”

Jon feels a lump in his throat, his eyes stinging. Has he been waiting all this time for something bad to happen, for the other shoe to drop? Has he thought of this as only temporary—a longer respite than that three weeks in the cottage, but just as impermanent? He shakes his head.

“That doesn’t take away from what I did,” he says. Martin nods.

“It doesn’t,” he says. “And nothing takes from the fact that I didn’t kill Jonah Magnus when I had the chance, either. We can’t change the past. We just have to find reasons to live with it. To carry on living. Now, as we are.”

“You know what my reason is,” Jon tells him, his voice thick with emotion; he told Martin a long time ago. Martin ducks his head, smiling, and his fingers squeeze around Jon’s.

“I know,” he says. “But it’s okay to have other reasons too. A nice hike in the hills, or going to the pub with some friends, or petting the many cats you seem to have befriended in our neighborhood. It’s okay to just...be happy, Jon. I promise.”

“I-I’m not sure I can,” Jon tells him; he’s not sure he deserves the chance to be.

“I know,” Martin says. “I know it’s difficult. But you do deserve it. And I’ll be here to keep telling you that until you believe it. I’ll be here to help you keep getting better, like you help me. As long as it takes.”

Jon feels a sob rising in his chest, and dives in to stifle it against Martin’s shoulder, burying his face in the solid expanse. He can feel the tears wetting his cheeks, soaking into Martin’s jumper, but he knows Martin won’t mind. Martin’s arms go around him.

“I hope you’re okay with the long haul, then,” he mumbles against Martin’s shoulder. He’s not sure what he’s done to deserve this, probably nothing, but he has it, and he doesn’t want to let it go. Martin chuckles warmly, petting his hair.

“That’s what I’m here for, sweetheart,” he says. “I’ll be your reason, if you’ll be mine.”

“That’s the deal, then?” Jon says; he’s not sure if he’s laughing or sobbing, but he knows he loves this man with all his heart.

“That’s the deal,” Martin agrees. And Jon might not deserve a deal like that, but he’d be a fool not to take it.

#the magnus archives #tma #jonmartinweek2021 #my fic #jonmartin

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