#They might of been fully eaten by the critters or maybe.....

[l0ganberry]

@truelazymaker

For the long wait, I decided to make a mini comic of him having help finding his legs. And then having his sweet angel on helping him reattach his legs. I hope you like this and thank you for the request.

There's a couple left of unfinished requests, but I'll still more if you want to request something that relates to Dogday. You can go to this >post< to put in your request, or send an ask to me.

[sonicasura]

I got done watching playthroughs of Poppy Playtime Chapter 3 from EmotionalMarcus and Superhorrorbro. Highly suggest the latter if you want to check it out as he found all the hidden tapes. Man was this chapter insane so here's my take on it with obvious massive spoilers.

Edit: For those who need a refresher, Ch 1 +2 VHS tapes, Chapter 3 Analog Trailers, Project Playtime VHS, Interactive ARG, and In-game Documents.

First off, Deep Sleep definitely answered a lot of questions but also left more too. The important ones revolving around the Prototype and the toys themselves. Here's a summarized version.

CatNap ran a cult worshipping the Prototype as his god. Toys were forced to follow him to survive in Playcare including the other Bigger Bodies Smiling Critters. However the food issue led to not only infighting but also cannibalism.

Picky Piggy ate Bubba Bubbaphant, KickinChickin and Craftycorn. Dog Day was labeled a heretic thus was slowly eaten by the smaller Critters until only his upper torso left. The horrific thing is he been left alive to suffer. At least until the smaller Critters' puppeted his body to chase after the Player.

Poppy and Kissy Missy wants to kill the Prototype. There's a possibility Kissy cared about a child in Playcare before she became a toy. Part of this being the theory that the Bigger Body was once a worker.

There were toys who served as teachers in the schoolhouse. Due to the Hour of Joy, one toy called Ms Delight gone insane and killed all her fellow teachers to survive. CatNap avoids her haunt for an unknown reason. Maybe because she's an ally or someone he once cared about.

CatNap had been a tool to the Prototype as he's killed for his failure. This might've not been a case once upon a time due to a theory about him used to being Elliot Ludwig. Apparently the Prototype acts as a hivemind with him assimilating and copying others.

Tom Sawyer/The Doctor gotten killed sometime before the Hour of Joy. It might've been the Prototype due to an interview tape between the two prior to Leith Pierre interview with CatNap. The abuse done to the toys might've spurred on the takeover.

Hour of Joy was a massive slaughter where every human been killed no matter who they were. CatNap might be responding for the kids death with Ollie being a possible toy survivor. Kissy Missy was taken over and been a participant as well. She might've gotten captured or killed at the end of the chapter.

Now onto my personal theories starting with the Prototype.

He is a hivemind based organism most likely made from Elliot Ludwig. The Prototype could've gone insane as he kept assimilating others. Possible breaking point that led to the Hour of Joy being the Doctor since he been studying him too than it being one sided.

The slaughter had an massive ulterior goal. Prototype doesn't require food and the shrine CatNap made of him has multiple human bodies in it. Ollie also confirmed that the shrine is nothing compared to the real deal.

The Prototype might've assimilated most of the victims before moving onto the other toys. Further proof is CatNap's state once you fully see him. He's so thin that you can his bones and ribcage. The employees were their only food provider which led to this post apocalyptic style cannibalism.

If the Prototype was benevolent then a lot of strings could be pulled where the corrupt humans perish and they puppet Playtime Co in the shadows. No more experiments as the company would function under them. Clueless employees delivering a constant food supply and the kids could actually see the real world. Maybe the toys follow them out as no one is aware.

Poppy even mentioned the Player running the company so she knew there was a better way to handle things. The Prototype locked her up to prevent this foil in his plans. Hour of Joy was a purposely planned slaughter.

Second theory involves Huggy Wuggy and the Player. Throughout the chapter, our first Bigger Body had been a major constant element. He is the first and last one we see through CatNap's nightmares. There's a hidden important connection which involves the Prototype too.

I think the hivemind spared him as it's clear they were more of a victim than foe. CatNap would've spare him if he left this all behind. Huggy Wuggy might've attacked the Player near the entrance during the Hour of Joy before leaving.

Final theory revolves around the toys. Dog Day and CatNap are further evidence that the Bigger Bodies can have diverse bodies. Mommy Longlegs died when she cut in half but the canine Smiling Critter didn't. Boxy Boxy devours people whole hinting at very strong stomach acid despite his small body while CatNap has an expanded ribcage and can breathe gas.

There is one common similarity amongst all the toys except for Poppy. All of them can be affected by the Prototype. My theory involves their brain containing an actual fragment from him. The Doctor constantly dissected the Prototype and might've added portions to the other toys as a key material in their creation.

It also explains why Mommy alongside Kissy aren't on his side. The Prototype's influence acts sorta like a suggestion meaning they can resist him. Mommy Longlegs was left alone as the more hostile Bigger Bodies look over their own territories. Huggy Wuggy is an exception since he acts more like a puppet until the Prototype activates him.

Things are heating up as Chapter Four might be the last one for Poppy Playtime since CatNap was the Prototype's final key player. I won't say there could be complications on the way as more experiments were mentioned in Chapter 3 specifically Experiment 'Void'.

For now, this is all we got.

[gallus-rising]

OK!! so first i think i'll let the opening page speak for itself

WHAT IS THIS The Biosphere has been buried in the glacier for millennia. You can’t see anything through the glass but leaves and mist and smears of algae. But something’s moving in there. Something’s clicking and humming and crying. Thousands of things. Millions. Mouth Brood is a system-agnostic adventure in an ecological pressure cooker. A perfectly sealed terrarium swarming with life that’s been contorting itself to survive since the Paleozoic Era. Specialized creatures in a cannibal world that feeds itself on its own blood. If you survive you’ll have to make a decision. Are you going to let them out?

Mouth Brood was written as a part of the Manifestus Omnivorous which will give you a good idea of it's design sensibilities. the set up is the players have been contracted to go on a very dubious expedition to capture 5 live specimens, with a bonus for each extra. something rly cool is it comes with field report handouts for your players to fill! in the bestiary all the critters have fancy scientific names, but you're encouraged to have the players make up names as they go. the Biosphere is very packed and i mean that in physical space and in game design. the map is split into 3 levels: the undergrowth, the canopy, and the emergent. the adventure gives each level only 2 pages, 1 to describe what's going in each of the level's 7 hexs + a d10 random encounter table, and another for a fancy full page illustration.

that's it. that's all the room you get dedicated to the set-up and location layout. the entire rest of the module is the bestiary. every critter has a description, d4 table of what it's doing, what happens if observed + depending on the creature what happens if disturbed/eaten/threatened. and they've all got sick art ofc

these things are soooo packed with info holy shit. the "What is it doing?" table is only a d4, but almost every entry is describing it interacting with another creature. you might see creature [X] safely eating creature [Y] but then flipping over to creature [Y]'s page it's melting creature [Z] with some kind of acid spray. so then you're piecing together the ecosystem as you go (the player and the GM reading in advanced) like, is [X] the only thing that preys on [Y], or maybe [X] got lucky and caught it off guard? can you tell just from watching if [Y] was hunting [Z] or if it was defending itself? it gets rly complex and the book tells you up front to try to memorize some of the creatures to avoid flipping around, but because the module is so densely packed it's easily than you'd think!

parts of Mouth Brood have made me feel viscerally disgusted in a way i hadn't felt until Scavenger's Reign. with just a few details you rly get a sense of this being a fully functional ecosystem that you are Not adapted for.

k now i'll just run down a few of my fav things:

the basis of the ecosystem are 1: bioluminescent algae coating the dome that tries to scare you by mimicking predators. it will add your face to its collection of patterns 2: tiny fish that is born pregnant. every 15 minutes a new generation is born and if generations overlap the entire undergrowth is flooded with them

there's a weird white slime in a pool at the very center of the undergrowth. if you touch it it'll give you a warning sting because it's actually a colony organism made up of billions of microscopic jellyfish. several times a day it stretches out of the pool to engulf the entire dome. so long as you're totally still it won't hurt you

trees? no! 90 foot tall cordyceps! the other tallest "plant" is carnivorous that tries to drag you into its literal mouth sprouting outta the ground.

elongated cow that's like a sloth if sloths has acidic blood

little beetle friends! they are highly intelligent and will try to communicate via gestures. if you're not a dick they'll even try to help you out! besides that they are totally normal beetles.

Just A Normal Mouse.

best for last! fish/frog thing that keeps its babies safe in its mouth. also its diet is other fish/frog thing babies. also eats its own babies everytime it lays a new clutch. also it's only defense mechanism is to spit all of its babies at you in hopes you'll eat them while it flops away. i can't properly describe what it looks like so see for yourself if you wanna:

guys i need one of you to poke me abt this bc i keep forgetting but i gotta rec Mouth Brood any of you here who are ttrpg nerds and liked the gross nature bits of Scavenger's Reign

[strabbyshortcake]

the truth about snaktooth

Gramble finally tells his partners what befell him and everybody else on the island.

“Whatcha doin’, Gram?”

The screen door clatters as it shuts behind Boots. It’s a nice summer night, one of the rare ones they got with little humidity, so Gramble had left the main door open, the sound of katydids and crickets drifting through from the outdoors. He looks up from the hand towel in his paws, shoulders hunched guiltily.

There’s a large cardboard box sitting on the floor, full of bits of kitchen décor. Ceramic plates with fruit stenciled on them, prints of vintage ads for bread and desserts, towels with produce embroidered on them. All the kitschy things Boots knew he liked decorating his spaces with, and Gramble spent more time in the kitchen than either her or Piesha, with how much he enjoyed cooking.

“Oh, evenin’ Boots,” he greets her, expression softening into a smile. “You remember we talked about Lizbert and Egg visitin?”

“Yeah…?” She pads over, frowning a little at the bare spots on the walls and shelves. Boots was acquainted with the two from attending expedition reunions with Gramble, and while she made it no mystery that she disliked Lizbert’s invasive style of exploration, it was all in the past. Liz had retired from that life after the whole Snaktooth stunt to become a museum curator. “What’s the matter, they allergic to tackiness?”

Gramble laughs at her affectionate teasing. “No, well… Actually, funny you should say that. Egg’s fine, but Liz has got… I guess you could say she’s got kind of a hang-up over food imagery. And while she’s doin’ well these days, might just make her a lil’ more comfortable to not feel so surrounded, y’know?”

“Yeah, yeah, I get you.” Boots nods, reaching up to take the clock off the wall. It’s a piece of painted wood in the shape of a strawberry. Nollie had made it in an art class. “Place is a little dusty, anyway.”

Together he and Boots work to mostly strip the place of any food-related decoration, leaving only a couple little accents up so the place didn’t seem too bare. Gramble sighs at the empty walls, leaning into Boots’ touch as she places a paw on his shoulder.

She and Pie had always been so understanding when he told them he couldn’t talk about what had happened on the island, but he hated to keep his loved ones in the dark. Not simply for the fact that there might still be danger lurking out there, but that he knew he could trust them, and yet, just telling them what had happened was almost as terrifying as the thought of being back there. The idea that just speaking of it would somehow make it manifest, bring it back into his life when he’d worked so hard to escape it, haunted him, but so did keeping it bottled up inside.

“…I need to tell you both what really happened,” he says quietly. “It’s been long enough. Just, after Liz and Egg are gone. Then we’ll talk about it.”

Boots blinks down at him in surprise. “You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

--

The visit went well. This was the first time Lizbert and Eggabell had seen the new house and the refurbished barn, the first they’d met Cardi and Dember, and Nollie had only been a year old when they’d last come around. They’d caught up, shared stories, enjoyed Gramble’s cooking and chatted about where their lives were going and where they’d been.

After they’d waved goodbye, gotten in Eggabell’s car and driven off to see Wambus and Triffany, after the dishes had been cleared and cleaned and the kids were all in bed, Gramble sat Boots and Piesha down on the porch swing in the back while he took the rocking chair.

“I need to tell you,” he says, fidgeting with his paws where they rested on his chest. “about what happened on Snaktooth.”

“Alright.” Pie nods slowly, leaning into Boots’ cushy side. Boots gives him an encouraging smile, rocking the swing back and forth slightly with her heel.

Gramble swallows, licking his lips. “So… Not all of what I told you was a cover-up. We did run outta food and I did almost starve to death. But… Geez, I dunno where to even start.”

“Why’d you go in the first place?” Boots asks.

“Oh, that I didn’t lie about either. My mama really did up and leave while I was at college. I went cuz… Cuz I guess I felt like I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I saw Liz on TV say she was gatherin’ people up for her team and I just… I wanted somewhere to go that wasn’t home.”

She nods solemnly, gesturing for him to go on.

“Well, Snaktooth… Liz said she found somethin’ there. These creatures she was documenting. D’you… Have either of you ever heard of bugsnax?” Gramble nearly whispers the last word, even though it’s just the three of them out here, just the three of them and the crickets and fireflies, the kids sound asleep.

Piesha tilts her head, thoughtful. “Mm… Maybe a long time ago,” Pie says. “One of those things they got lots of fairy tales about. Critters made of food, right?”

“Right.” Gramble nods. “But they’re real. And please- I know how it sounds,” he stammers, even though neither of them looked skeptical. “But I swear. I saw them, I picked them up and held them, I had a whole barn full of them that Liz and Buddy caught for me. I had names for them, and… and everybody said they were the most delicious things they’d ever eaten. B-but there’s a reason for that. Sorry, lemme go back a bit and explain.

“When we got there, we thought we’d be able to farm. That was Wambus’s thing, but no matter what he tried, the crops would wither, or the bugsnax would get in and destroy them. The only thing he could grow was the sauce that grew on the island, and that wasn’t anywhere near enough to live on. Pretty soon we ran outta food, but that wasn’t a problem for most folks. They’d just eat the bugsnax.”

“And I’m guessin’ you didn’t?” Boots asks.

He shakes his head. “No, I didn’t want to. I already didn’t eat meat, and the snax were always so cute and friendly and I couldn’t bear the thought of hurtin’ them. So I just… didn’t. I tried to live off the sauce, and I ate dandelions and weeds, I ate damn near anything that was edible, but it was never enough.”

“That’s awful, Gram.” Boots says, her brows knitted. “Why didn’t you leave?”

“Well, I… I thought about it,” Gramble wraps his arms around himself. “Even though I didn’t have nowhere to return to, I figured it might be better than starving. But it wasn’t too long after that Lizbert up and disappeared. Her and Egg, there was an earthquake and after that they never came back to town. Some folks thought they died, others thought they ran off, but without her nobody was bringin’ in bugsnax to eat and they started to eat mine, so I ran off with the rest of ‘em and that made everybody mad and I really did start to think there was nobody who cared about me but the snax and Wiggle, and… and even she was eatin’ them too, but I let her cuz I didn’t have nobody else... I was so afraid she’d leave me too that I put up with it.”

He pauses, taking a deep breath. “So, um… I guess a couple weeks after that, Buddy finally showed up. We’d been on the island almost a year at that point. They wanted to interview Liz, figure out what happened, and they managed to get all of us back into town within a week or two. I was really doin’ poorly though.” His claws absently scratch at his belly over the scar that the rake had left, concealed beneath his fur but never fully faded.  “Didn’t care much whether I lived or died. Nothin’ I tried worked, and one of the big snax I asked Buddy for nearly killed me. And then…”

Boots holds Pie’s paw between both of hers, stroking it, both of them patiently waiting for him to gather his racing thoughts. It had been so long since he’d even thought about all this, and much of the events were a haze of hunger and pain, he was amazed he could keep the basic timeline coherent.

“Then, one night… When we were all back in town, Filbo decided he wanted to throw a party. That was when everything… That’s when it all fell apart. There was an active volcano on the island, and it erupted. Eggabell suddenly showed up back in town and told us she knew where Liz was, and she and Buddy and Filbo ran off to get her while the rest of us tried to get to safety. B-but… You remember what I said before, about the bugsnax?” He lifts his gaze to the two of them.

Pie nods at him. “Yeah. They taste good, right?”

“They also…” Gramble holds his paws out, curling his fingers into fists. “They change you. Whenever you eat one, your body parts become it. I know it sounds silly, but everybody was walkin’ around with arms and legs made of strawberries and corn and cinnamon rolls and you kinda just… got used to it. I only ever ate one when I was sleepwalkin’, and I don’t even remember what it was like, but everybody else except Shelda ate ‘em all the time. You get used to it and then you start believin’ that they’re the only thing that can make you feel good anymore. Sorta like drugs, but sorta like… Wiggle used to say they inspired her, and Chandlo thought he could get stronger with them, it was whatever you wanted. I guess even I was fallin’ for it, thinkin’ they could replace my family, and I never even had to eat ‘em.

“But that’s the trick. You get dependent, but you don’t realize that… That they’re parasites. And I’m kinda fuzzy on the details, but according to Buddy, Liz was somehow stuck down in the main… meat of the hive,” Gramble brings his paws together, looking down at his intertwined fingers. “And that’s where she’d been all along, down in the darkness with all those food bugs crawlin’ all over her and into her mouth and… that’s why she’s got such a thing about food.”

“Ah…” He can’t blame Boots for looking a little numb, covering her mouth with her paw as Pie stares blankly at him. It was a lot to take in. “Yeah, I guess that’d do it.”

Gramble goes on. “They attacked us not long after Buddy and the others left, tryin’ to force themselves into our mouths, or kill us, either or. I guess they knew the jig was up, then and there. No comin’ back from that. But we all got away, in the end… And that’s what happened.”

He falls silent. The porch swing creaks slightly as Boots lets it come to a stop, letting the singing of the insects fill the air between them for a long moment.

“S’this place still out there…?” Piesha speaks up softly, glancing out into the darkness as if the snax might be watching from the trees.

“Far as I know,” Gramble says, slipping off the chair to walk over and take one of their paws in each of his. “But you gotta promise me you will never, ever go there.” His expression is grim as he peers up at them. “And you’ll never breathe a word to any of the kids about it, or to anybody else. Nobody should ever step foot on that awful place again.”  

“Gram,” Boots squeezes his paw in return, then leans over to scoop him up and pull him into her lap, the swing groaning in complaint as yet another grumpus is piled upon it. “…there’s gotta be somethin’ we can do-”

“No.” Gramble shakes his head, desperation creeping into his voice. “I- I don’t know. Maybe there is somethin’ that someone out there can do, but it can’t be any of us. I don’t want nothin’ to do with it ever again and if word gets out, it’s just gonna be more people goin’ there and that’s exactly what it wants. Please,” he tilts his head up at her, the porch light glimmering in his eyes. “Just leave it alone. It can’t get us here and I want it to stay that way. Promise me.”

When she hesitates, he repeats himself, teeth glinting as his lips peel back. “Promise me, please-”

“I promise.” Boots leans down to kiss him on the nose, wrapping her arm around him as the other draws Pie in closer. “I won’t tell nobody if that’s what you want.”

“That’s all that I want,” he murmurs into her fluffy chest, suddenly very tired despite the mental weight that had lifted. He’d spoken Snaktooth’s name aloud, finally uncorked what he’d kept bottled up for nearly two decades now. He should feel better-prepared, now that they were all on the same page, so why did he still feel like he was only summoning the beast? Perhaps he just needed to sleep, let this new information digest, and they’d face whatever came tomorrow together.

Hundreds of miles away, the island remembers them too.

[thorne93]

The Softest Fire (Part 3)

Prompt: Rosaline Vaughan had it all: fame, money, power, glory, a high status job. Until, one day, she woke up, and realized something was missing from her life.

Word Count: 2091

Warnings: dealing with animals(??), language

Notes: First Fantastic Beast fic! I could NOT have done this at all without @arrow-guy​​​. They have created a counterpart to this fic, writing it from Nora Vaughan’s perspective (Rosaline’s cousin/adopted sister). Fic aesthetic done by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​.

1921, that’s when I began my journey with Newt. Now it was 1925 and Newt had declared that he would be traveling alone for a year. Together, we’d amassed far too many creatures to keep safely together in the suitcase. They needed proper room to run and proper room for me to treat them. That’s when we expounded on his basement, creating small worlds, environments for the creatures to inhabit, at least until they were ready to be freed. 

Newt said he would take Frank to Arizona during one leg of his trip, making me ecstatic. I would be heartbroken, and miss him dearly, but ultimately, he deserved to be free and happy in the wild.

While he would be gone, it would be up to me to care and feed for the animals. Being that it was a full time job, Newt stated I would be allowed to stay at his flat, in case anything went wrong, I would be right there to tend to them. 

Before he shipped out though, we had four amazing years together. Oftentimes, I’d be at his home already tending to the creatures in the basement, feeding, washing, healing. He would be working upstairs, working on the book, or out at the library gathering information, or up at Diagon Alley purchasing books or things for travel. If I knew he was on his way home, I’d run up and make a quick meal or snack for him. Something he never asked for, in fact, he had no clue what it was the first time… 

“Rosaline!” he called downstairs.

“Yes?”

“Did you make something to eat?” he questioned, confused.

I jogged up the stairs, wearing trousers, of all things. I still felt foreign in these darn things but, Newt had insisted I wear something more proper to chase down critters in the wild. “What? Oh, yes, I did. Not for me though, for you,” I explained, gesturing to his small table. “Is that alright? It should still be warm,” I noted, rushing towards the plate and removing the aluminum foil. 

“No, no that’s fine. I just… didn’t know. This is… great. Thank you, I haven’t eaten all day.” He sat down, pulling up to the table and tucking a napkin in his collar. “Well, wait, what about you? Have you eaten?”

I waved him off. “No, no, but I’m fine.”

“What? Nonsense. It’s eight o’clock at night, and you haven’t eaten. Come, sit with me,” he encouraged, pushing a chair out next to him. 

“No that’s your dinner. That’s fine. I’ll be okay. Thank you though. I’ll go take care of the firedrake.” 

“Rosaline, don’t make me pull rank,” he slightly teased. “Please, some company would be nice.” 

I smiled gently at his kind request and finally acquiesced and sat beside him, grabbing a fork. “Alright, but only because you begged, remember that,” I joked. 

That night was a rather good indicator of how our nights went. I made him a small dinner or snack if he was out late, and he’d return to happily feast on it. Sometimes I joined him, sometimes I went home to my own flat, other times, he did the same. I would arrive in the morning and he already had coffee waiting for me on the table, made just the way I like. 

Life for us felt right this way. Taking care of each other, and the creatures. I hardly ever really missed the Ministry. On rough days with a wild animal, or days that we ran into trouble from other wizards, I longed to be back at my simple job, for a split second, but ultimately, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. 

Nora and Theseus popped in and out on the regular. Nora would come down and help me with feeding if I had a little too much on my plate or needed to take a second to tend to Newt’s dinner. Theseus and I sometimes shared a cup of tea, waiting for his brother to return home. In this time, I got to know him well, much better than at the Ministry. 

Learning how different the two brothers were was highly amusing to me. Newt was so much like Nora. Always up for adventure, never one to let anyone tell them what to do, never afraid to back down from a fight. They’ve always been brave, incredibly knowledgeable, always on a new book each week. Nora and Newt were both eclectic, going against the grain.

Theseus and myself seemed to share an interest in politics, current events, studying magic to its fullest extent, following rules, playing by the rulebook. Both of us calm, soft spoken, traditional. 

Today marked the day that Newt would set off for his voyage. One year, around the globe, without me. I was sad that I wouldn’t get to help him in his adventures, but we both knew and agreed I really needed to hold the fort down here. Nora promised to stop by at least twice a week to make sure the Kelpie we rescued hadn’t drowned me. Not that he would, he was a gentle giant, but anything could happen with these beasts. 

He was all packed and ready to go.

“Okay and you know the augurey has a wound on its head--”

“Yes,” I assured as Newt was backing towards the door with his suitcase. 

“And the thestral needs to be cleaned.”

I nodded. “Yes, I know. Every Friday.” 

“Yes and--”

“Newt!” I stopped him, soft pleading in my voice. “I can handle this, alright? I’ve spent the last few years with you, day in and day out with these animals. I think I know my way around. Everything will be fine, I promise.” 

He made an apologetic face and bobbed his head. “Yes, you’re right. I’m sorry I just--”

I nodded, quietly responding, “I know. It’s fine.”

A small smile came onto his face. 

“You better go before you miss the boat…”

“Right… Well… I’ll be off then…” 

The two of us stood there awkwardly for a moment. Newt went for a handshake, but I leaned in for a hug. Then we switched, pulling his hand back to go for a hug but I suddenly shot my hand out. The two of us were blushing messes by now. Typically, we only waved to each other at the end of a day or bid each other good night. But this was different… He would be gone for a year and I had no idea what dangers or issues he may face. He was a brilliant wizard of course, but it was in my nature to protect and lead. 

“Hug?” I questioned finally, wanting to be past this.

“Yes,” he agreed, laughing before we finally embraced properly for a few seconds. 

“Alright, better catch your boat now…” 

“Right… I’ll write you.”

“Yes, of course.” I nodded and he was finally out the door, on his way, taking with him my usual warmth and happiness. I heaved a sigh and turned around to head down to the basement for the morning feedings.

-------------------------------

“He’s been gone five months, Nora,” I complained as I sat down one of the bowls on the table. She’d dropped by for lunch and I had been feeling pretty down lately and as soon as I saw her, for some odd reason, the floodgates that were my mouth opened. 

“Yes? Well he is on a year long journey, Rosaline, you know this.”

“I know, I know. But I haven’t heard from him in three weeks either,” I fretted before checking the gravy and then adding it to the table. 

“He might not have time. He is busy. He’s working. He may also be writing you when he gets the chance. Maybe mail is slow.”

I shot her a stern glance at her excuses. “Never this slow. Is he okay?” 

“Yes, of course, it’s Newt. He’s perfectly capable. Why are you so distressed?” she questioned, peering up at me before taking a sip of her tea. 

I sat across from her, now that lunch was fully prepared. “I--I don’t know. I just… Ever since he’s been gone I’ve been a ball of nerves, worrying. That’s just not like me…” 

"When did this worrying start?"

"The moment he left," I said, pulling my brows together.

"And how do you feel when he writes you?"

"Um, elated I suppose. I'm beyond happy to know he's okay and that he's doing what he loves and getting to gather more information for his book.... Why would I be anything but happy and excited?"

"Had you been working for, say... I don't know, Theseus. Would you have the same reaction? Would you still be just as excited to get his letters ?"

I laughed, shaking my head. "No, no... No... Theseus is fine and all but he and I aren't close like Newt and I are."

She let a chuckle escape her lips. "Sounds to me as if you've caught a love bug, sweetheart."

I gasped, shocked. "Newt? Newton Scamander? No... Haha.... No. That's ridiculous. He's my boss, Nora!"

"You've spent practically every day of your life over the past five years with him, watching him treat those animals like his children. He's gentle and kind. I can't blame you for falling for him."

"Nora, this is preposterous. You and I both know men have never, ever been on my list of things to concern myself with. Why, out of all people, would I be falling for Newt Scamander?"

"Just because it's never been at the top of your list of concerns doesn't mean you weren't falling for him. You find what you want or need most when you're not looking, Rosaline."

"You're a sap."

"And you're oblivious."

"Nora, please. Can you honestly see me loving him? You were his assistant before I was, does that mean you're in love with him?" I accused, pointing at her.

"Can't say it does. Mind you, he's nearly eight years younger than me, and I never spent as much time with him as you did." She raised her eyebrows at me. "And if I'm remembering correctly, you had a soft spot for him while you were in school."

I screwed my mouth to the side, becoming defensive. "That was merely a reaction to the injustice that occurred with Leta Lestrange. If it were anyone else I would've done the same thing. He was an excellent student and classmate. He never caused any issues. He's sweet....”"

She leaned forward, a mischievous look on her face. "He's sweet, and...?"

"And what?" I snapped playfully, getting up to refill her tea and do anything to avoid addressing this.

"You're arse over tits for him, dear cousin. No shame in it!"

I nearly dropped the teapot I was holding at her words. "Eleanore Vaughan!" I gasped.

She cackled, throwing her head back. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. You know your secret is safe with me."

"You think just because I miss my boss and I eagerly await his return, and I can't help but think of him all the time, and yes he may possess all the qualities of a husband, if I ever desired one, and he's funny and kind and talented -- " I stopped and glared at her.

Grinning and wiggling her eyebrows at me, she leaned back in her seat. "Need I say more?"

"Okay... Then what do I do with this information?" I questioned uneasily sitting down. "I've never... you know... "

"If you want to tell him, do it. If you don't, I'll support you either way."

I stared at her, my mouth open. "That's it? That's your grand advice? Where is your gusto when I need it?"

"You think I have any kind of experience here that I can apply? My longest relationship has been with the kneazle that wandered into my shop one day and didn't leave."

I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. "Yes but... how do I even go about this? I can't just blurt out my feelings, can I? Isn't that a little... faux pas?"

"How would you normally bring up something important with him?"

"Approach him in between tending to the animals. Just... say 'Newt, I need to discuss something with you'."

"Then do that. If it doesn't work out, then wait till the time feels right and tell him."

"You make it sound easy," I muttered.

"But I never said it would be."

I sighed. "I suppose I have news then, when he returns home."

She grinned. "Perhaps you do."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[enkisstories]

Just like them (part 11)

Gavin’s apartment Still November 18, 2038

When Daniel reached into the cage, the mice scattered into all directions. Given a PL600’s manual dexterity, it would have been easy for the android to catch as many of the tiny critters as he wanted, but he found that his fingers were moving sluggishly.

Why am I hesitating? Each mouse I take is one less to get eaten by Reed’s cat collection!

And that was exactly the problem: The mice Daniel chose would escape that fate. But only those! How should he decide who got to live out their rodent days and who would die? By cuteness? Age? Health status? An automated car would have had no problems making the “correct” decision, but for someone who had himself gotten deemed garbage not worth keeping it wasn’t that easy. After a few more attempts at weighing one tiny white furball against all the rest the deviant realized that it was no use. He just couldn’t do it. Daniel could have saved a few at least, could have made a small change for the better in the world and proven that he was more than trash. But that was deviance for you, it made you more than a computer, but in a way also less. The android was only beginning to learn how real persons were governed by forces far stronger than the acclaimed “free will”. Daniel put down the flour box Gavin had handed him and closed the lid with the breathing holes without having stored any mice in it.

“Finished already?” the detective asked.

“Uh-huh. I think I do not want mice, after all.”

Gavin shrugged noncommittally, because wanting or not wanting pet mice wasn’t something that had a strong opinion about.

“Okay, then.”

So Daniel would leave without mice, no biggie. Gavin having made that offer in the first place, however… What had he been thinking, inviting the android into his flat as if it was a friend?! Just because that thing had made a joke about Connor biting the dust!

“You’re a computer”, Gavin said through clenched teeth. “You store data, solve problems, put people out of job, that kind of thing. So if you’re that great, maybe you can tell me, why do I put up with you?”

Daniel, who himself understood well enough why he felt drawn to the detective, shrugged. It was Gavin’s brutal honesty that made Daniel feel comfortable in the man’s presence. The deviant knew beyond doubt that he was tolerated at best, so no unpleasant surprises of the John Phillips kind would drop on him. Reed not sucking up to Connor the Great and Awesome helped, too. But the other way around Daniel had no clue as to what was motivating Gavin Reed, therefore he could only shrug for a second time.

“I haven’t got the fuggiest idea, but you won’t hear me complain. The more positive human relations I can report to my parole officer, the better. - Coffee before I go?”

Gavin wordlessly slumped down on the loveseat. The cats took that as a signal to disperse and do cat things in the apartment, only the calico kitten jumped onto the small table, from where she watched Gavin with a proud owner’s expression.

Meanwhile Daniel found himself confronted with technology surpassing anything he had ever seen. Some people claimed that tea was a form of art, now Daniel concluded that coffee was a science. Fortunately just like the cats the coffee maker seemed to know what it was supposed to do if only Daniel pushed a few reasonably intimidating buttons in the correct sequence.

Gavin briefly turned his head towards the guest, then stared across the room at the opposite wall again. Eventually he gave a snort. “A machine using a machine…”

“I’m not a machine!” Daniel protested. “If you must get existential, then I am an appliance. And far more advanced than this coffee maker than your kind is different from pigs!”

It’s true, right? I mean, okay, I do not understand this thing, but I understand my own inner working even less. And why would I need to? Of the humans only a small percentage are doctors, either!

“Why don’t you have an android for the housework, by the way?”

“What part of “android hater” did you not compute?”

“Except you aren’t”, Daniel claimed while putting down the coffee. “Captain Allen is an android hater and maybe Anderson, too. I cannot quite place that man yet. You, to the contrary, are a human supremacist. That’s a subtle difference.”

“Whatever.”

A short contest between Sally and Gavin ensued, then the detective folded his hands around the cup and drew it towards his chest. The kitten turned once around itself and when Daniel drew back a chair to sit on, it retreated to the safety of the narrow space between the still heated up coffee machine and the kitchen wall.

Daniel tried lifting his new legs onto the table, but the movement wouldn’t feel natural. Although perfectly capable of executing it, Daniel couldn’t bring himself to recline in this position for long. It was a posture the street-raised detective might find comfortable, but not the distinguished upper middle class butler that was  - or had been - Daniel. So the android took down his feet again and instead slouched forward, placed his arms on the table and put his head on top of them. With a “thud” Gavin’s feet came to rest on table right next to the android’s head.

There was the smell of worn socks and coffee, the subliminal noise of some neighbor’s piano playing and a perpetual layer of cat hair that couldn’t ever get cleaned away completely. And although Daniel was processing all of those things numerically only, in their sum they were saying “home” to him, something he’d never have again. With a sigh from his artificial lungs Daniel closed his eyes and then he forgot where he was and with whom and just savored the moment. Gavin, too, felt uncannily at ease in Daniel’s presence, despite being fully aware of the fact that by now he should be fuming. That android slacking on his kitchen table wasn’t one of the inconsequential background devices, neither was it advanced enough to threaten the detective’s career. To the contrary, the simulation it ran was a mirror of Gavin’s own fears: Losing his comfortable home, getting torn from his family and being told to be of no worth. Cyberlife not only put people out of their jobs, leaving them homeless and depressed, now the deviants were filling this role, too. They were the better unemployed, homeless and depressed. Where did that leave humanity? As museum exhibits? Attractions in a zoological garden? Pets, maybe?!

“So what if I did have an android?” Gavin spoke up again. “It’s just a thing, and mine was an AX400, so nothing to brag about. They took Sophie during the Recall, good riddance I say!”

The detective’s words sharply brought back to mind that he hadn’t kicked Daniel all this time. The android’s head jerked up as the realization struck him: This wasn’t normal! Not at all! Something was afoot!

And indeed while the deviant had been resting his mind for a few precious minutes, his unlikely acquaintance had been hatching a plan.

“Still with me, killer, despite my “dead” android? Okay, listen, I’ve thought of something…”

It was common knowledge that Gavin Reed would do “anything” for a promotion. He was taking advantage of others’ work, refused to help his co-workers in any way and made them look bad to Captain Fowler in creative ways, stopping just short of sabotaging their work. All those efforts were accomplishing next to nothing, because professionally Reed already was one of the DPD’s best detectives with little room to improve. The categories he was failing in hard were personal development and teamwork. So any improvement in these areas would skyrocket Reed’s score and that was where this new android came in!

“…so if Fowler sees me pulling an Anderson by going from android hater to best buddie with one… helping a criminal reform in the process… that would go a long way towards that sweet promotion credit!”

“You know, this could work for me, too. Befriending you of all people is sure to score me my checkmark in Self Control. - But we are not really becoming friends, right? We’re only pretending!”

“You got it!”

Daniel grabbed an empty coffee mug from the counter, filled it with water and then raised it in a toast. Gavin returned the gesture, then the mugs connected and thus the deal was sealed.

They both downed the contents of their cups. It came as a small surprise to Daniel that Gavin didn’t comment on him drinking like a human. Obviously the detective was already aware of the fact that androids occasionally added cooling fluid. What else would he know that the average human saw, but never registered? Too much, probably.

“Okay, Gavin, tell me everything about your wife, kids and the in-laws! Oh, and your parents, are they still acknowledging you?”

“What makes you think I’ve got any of that?”

“You don’t?!” Daniel exclaimed, accompanied by an expression of utter incomprehension.

Until now the deviant had assumed that everyone was living in a family unit consisting of a mother, a father, one or more children and a handful of pets. Even those like the detective, or probably especially those like the detective, given the state humanity was in.

“But you’re ancient!” the deviant cried “Older than most androids have the hope to ever get! Aren’t you lonely? No? Not even a little bit?”

“There’s more to life than raising kiddos.”

“No, there isn’t! A family is the most important thing in the world! That’s why you’ve created us to help you with it! To ensure that nothing goes wrong!”

Daniel’s outburst was met with laughter first, at which the android glared back at the human.

“Heh… that’s cute. You’re… I dunno. Your outcry sounded like something they’d program a PL600 to say, but the way you uttered it? One could almost think you really believe it.”

“So, could one? Good for you! Me, I’m coming to doubt I’m really alive. I’ve broken free from Cyberlife, only to get controlled by strange, invisible crap that is somehow also me.”

“Having one of those days of the month, huh? Need a tampon, maybe?”

“Oh, stuff a sock in it!”

“Well, yes, that would be the low-cost alternative. Also fully sustainable, good for the environment.”

There was a moment of silence, then Gavin laughed out loud at his own joke, while Daniel shook his head, but with a smile. It was a first for him. None of the humans he actually liked had ever shared mirth like that with the android. John and Caroline, in retrospect, had laughed at the android, not with him, around Emma everything had to be kept family-friendly, naturally, with the Rasoya Daniel was performing a polite eggshell dance to not lose their support and if he threw insults at Connor he meant everything he said. Only around Gavin Daniel felt comfortable enough to really let go, because with one who wasn’t a friend and never would be, there was no fear to destroy something.

“I know I’m going to rue asking this, but if a family isn’t what you’re about, then what exactly is your life like?”

“I…”

And that was when the doorbell rang.

“Answer the damn door, So…” Gavin started, then cursed under his breath.

“Sorry, no more Sophie”, Daniel sneered, while the human went to search the sofa for his smartphone. “Good riddance, was it?”

Gavin opened the phone app that would show him the picture the door’s security camera was seeing.

“It’s Tina” he announced, before unlocking the door remotely. “Time to acid test our scheme, my “friend”!”

(To be continued)

[screensirenfic]

Black Leather - Chapter 31

If those fucking things were heading where I thought they were heading; I’m not sure we’d have enough fire power.

Still, suicide mission or not, Steve and I had taken it upon ourselves to right the wrong some dumb kid had started by adopting a space slug.

So; now me, Steve and our impromptu scouts troop were walking through the woods, working on getting our tracking badges by following monster blood trails.

“You positive that was Dart?” Lucas asked Dustin, because apparently the imagination of children had died and been replaced by cynicism.

“Yes. He had the exact same yellow pattern on his butt.” Dustin stated; clearly getting tired of everyone not believing him.

“He was tiny two days ago.” Max pointed out, and I was beginning to wonder why none of these kids had figured that keeping this thing as a pet was a bad idea in the first place.

“Well; he’s molted three times already.” Dustin replied; the picture not sitting comfortably in my head.

“Malted?” Steve repeated; once again sounding the idiot in a gang of thirteen year olds.

“Molted...” Dustin corrected him as if he was the child here.

“It means he shed his skin, dumbass... like a snake.” I informed him; knowing it was best to keep things in simple terms for Steve.

“Well; when’s he gonna molt again?” Asked Max, pointing out the very likely fact that this thing might get even bigger.

“Well; it’s gotta be soon. And when he does, he’ll be fully grown, or close to it. And so will all his friends.” Dustin told us ominously, making that less than metaphorical ticking time bomb a little more real.

“Yeah; and he’s gonna eat a lot more than cats...” Steve commented darkly.

“Wait! A cat?! Dart ate a cat?!” Lucas exclaimed, stopping Dustin dead in his tracks.

“No! What? No!” Dustin blustered, and I could already see where this train wreck was going.

“What are you talking about? He ate Mews.” Steve pointed out; once again reaffirming that he was the biggest idiot in the party.

“Mews? Who’s Mews?” Max asked, clearly knowing even less than me about all this.

“Dustin’s cat.” Steve answered, still not getting the point that Dustin was lying to them.

“Steve!” Dustin exclaimed angrily.

“I knew it! You kept him!” Lucas honed in on Dustin as the truth slowly came tumbling out.

“No! No; I... I...” Dustin floundered, suddenly running out of lies to tell.

“He missed me! He wanted to come home!” Dustin finally relented; coming out with perhaps the stupidest thing I’d heard all night, and that included Steve’s outbursts.

“Bullshit!” Lucas shot him down like a clay pigeon, and I was beginning to get real tired of their bickering.

I did not sign up for this.

I didn’t sign up for any of this, really. Steve had dragged me along like his obligatory plus one without an ounce of thought on whether I wanted to be involved with all this bullshit.

And now these kids were dragging up slights long past, because apparently petty wasn’t solely a Hopper trait, and Steve was just standing there like a life sized Cindy doll; and now I had no choice but to play referee and break this shit up.

“Alright! Alright! Alright! That’s enough!” I yelled, stepping in between the two boys, just in case they decided to turn this argument into a cage match.

It didn’t seem to matter; boys so intent on being boys that they elected to continue to ignore me and bicker like fish wives.

“He wasn’t trying to eat us!” Insisted Dustin; and no wonder Steve liked the kid so much, he was a certified idiot.

“Oh; so he was just gonna say hello?” Lucas called indignation, scoffing at Dustin with disbelief; and I was beginning to like this ki—

“Guys!” Yelled Steve, cutting through the arguing like a hot knife through butter, and we all turned our heads to see what the hell he wanted.

I was about to snap at Steve that he wasn’t fucking helping, when a loud screech echoed in the distance.

I turned towards it, listening to the utterly inhuman pitch and already knowing exactly what it was.

Steve gave me that look again, and I knew we were both about to do something incredibly stupid, both of us heading in the direction of the noise; the two boys following in our stead.

“No, no, no. Hey guys; why are you heading towards the sound?” Protested Max, but her complaints fell on deaf ears; Steve, the boys and I heading towards where the tree line became thinner.

We found ourselves at the edge of a overlook, staring straight out at the entire landscape of Hawkins, lit solely by twinkling street lights.

“I don’t see him.” Said Dustin, pointing out the obvious as we looked out on a dark Hawkins.

Lucas lifted up his binoculars, scanning over the town to find the source of the sound.

“It’s the lab...” He said; his binoculars settling on the building in question, rising high above distant tree lines.

“They were going back home.”

—————————————————

Twenty minutes and a very steep hike later, we were finally descending to the lab, traipsing between the trees down to what could possibly be a massacre.

I questioned the wisdom of bringing three thirteen year olds with us to this showdown, but it wasn’t like we could abandon them in the woods; bears and other common critters a very real threat in Indiana woodlands.

“So what’s the plan?” Steve asked as we scaled down a steep hill; illuminated only by torchlight.

“What plan? I thought you were the one with a plan; genius?!” I scoffed; feeling quite sick of everything falling to me when it came to reason and responsibility.

“Come on; Lola. We all know you think my plans are bullshit; so what are we gonna do?” Steve asked; for once admitting his incompetence in the potential face of death.

“Just... keep behind me...” I instructed; really struggling with finding a sounder strategy than point and shoot, and maybe I was turning into my dad.

“That’s it?” Steve asked; his smile of disbelief doing little to hide his genuine nervousness.

“That, and pray we don’t all get eaten.” I muttered under my breath, noticing the trees thinning again and abandoning Steve to scout ahead.

I think I could hear voices; arguing maybe, and I pondered the wisdom in shouting ahead.

Then again; who knew who could be trying to get in the lab at this hour of night,

Probably government, and if there was one thing we didn’t trust in my family, it was men in suits with mysterious I.D.s.

I held back, deciding I’d rather try and asses what we’re facing before running headfirst into a potential firefight.

Steve clearly didn’t share my reservations, already beginning to walk straight out into enemy territory.

“Steve...” I whispered hoarsely, but either he didn’t hear me, or was still pissed off for the genius comment; but either way, what he was doing was near suicidal.

“Hello? Who’s there?” A voice sliced through the darkness, and I swore I recognised it, but was too busy trying to flank a speed walking Steve before he got us all killed.

“Who’s there?” The voice shouted again as Steve led us out of the woods with all the subtlety of a helicopter; bright torch beam shining out into the darkness.

“Steve?” A woman’s voice accompanied the first as we emerged.

“Lola?” The first voice exclaimed, and in the harsh glow of Steve’s torchlight, I recognised who these wannabe intruders were.

“Nancy?” Steve stared dumbfounded at his girlfriend standing just outside Hawkins lab, dressed for some serious breaking and entering.

“Jonathan?” I said; recognising the lanky awkward form stood slightly in front of her, ready to heroically protect her if needs must.

“What are you doing here?” Nancy asked, making a beeline across the grass towards Steve.

“What am I doing here?! What are you doing here?!” He retorted; his face a mixture of confusion and anger.

“We’re looking for Mike and Will.” Nancy answered reasonably, but I could tell by Steve’s facial expression, he was already wracking up for a fight.

“They’re not in there; are they?” Dustin interrupted, derailing the argument before it could even happen and drawing all our attention back to the lab.

“We’re not sure; why?” Jonathan asked, suspicion colouring his face; only to be whipped away by a loud screech emanating from the lab.

We all turned towards the sound, finally realising that we had no choice here. Kids were in danger and we were the only ones near enough to help.

We already knew what we had to do.

[delkios]

Into the Great Wide Open (DC TV)

Title from the Tom Petty song. Also please ignore the fact that I forgot about the lack of mountains along the Kansas-Missouri border, oops. Title: Into the Great Wide Open Fandom: DC TV Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 2374 In Responds to: ColdWave Week 2018: You Captured My Heart Characters: Len, Mick, Lisa cameo at the end Summary: Len decides to try a bit of camping. Spoilers: it doesn’t end well. “Len!” At the sound of his partner calling his name in distress, Len took off like a shot toward it. He ducked around trees, jumping roots and large rocks, trying to remember the path he’d taken, cursing to himself for not realizing when Mick had fallen behind. “Len!” He found Mick, half sprawled on the ground, and busted out laughing. “Shut up, asshole!” Mick snapped, face red either from embarrassment or trying to free his leg from a thick patch of mud. “Help me outta this!” “You can face down mob muscle and entire squads of cops, but it’s overly friendly mud that takes down the great Mick Rory.” “I’ll burn you in your sleep,” was the petulant retort. Len gingerly knelt by Mick at the edge of the mud. He gave Mick’s leg a tug, then a harder one. “You know, it’ll be easier if you just give up the boot.” “Well I guess I’m gonna fucking die here because there’s no way in hell I’m tromping through a damn forest without shoes.”

“So dramatic.” “Shut up and help me, dammit. This is your fault anyway.” He snorted, wiggling Mick’s leg to try to get a little room to work with. “It’s a camping trip. You’re not being kidnapped.” “You literally told me you were kidnapping me to go camping.” “Only because you refused to do it willingly. Aren’t you some kind of country bumpkin?” Len teased as he slowly worked Mick’s foot free. “I thought roughing it was in your blood.” “Camping sucks. The country sucks. Do you have any idea how goddamn dark it gets out here? You’re basically blind.” Mick huffed, carefully scooting back on his butt once his foot- and boot -were out of the mud. “Can’t believe some city bum wants to go camping.” “Yeah, well.” Len’s expression grew soft and melancholy. “It was one of those things my grandpa talked about taking me to do.” But it never happened, Mick knew. The man had basically worked himself to death trying to care for his grandchildren behind Lewis’s back. “Can’t believe I let you talk me into being uncomfortable and miserable for half a week,” Mick groused. Just as he hoped, it made Len crack a smirk. “There’s a reason people live in cities, you know.” “Getting away from it helps you appreciate those modern conveniences.” “I’m very appreciative. Can we go now?” Chuckling, Len slapped Mick’s shoulder as he stood up and started back on the path again. “If you want to find your own way back to the car, be my guest.” Mick hesitated before following grudgingly after. “I don’t trust you not to get your bony ass eaten by a bear.” “Glad to hear it.” Len looked over his shoulder with a wicked smirk. “After all, I did kidnap you for this trip so you can keep me warm at night.” Mick growled, eyes growing dark. He sped up until he was right behind Len, pressed against his shoulder. “We should hurry up and find a camping spot. Test it out. Make sure it’ll be comfortable for tonight.” Len just laughed at him. ~*~*~*~ Between the drying mud making it difficult for Mick to bend his ankle fully, a misplaced step twisting the other one just enough it twinged with every other step and walking face first into a branch because he hadn’t been paying attention, Mick was just as miserable as he said he’d be when Len finally decided to set up camp. To make up for the crappy trek, he let Mick make the fire as big as he wanted. “Just don’t let it get out of control,” he told Mick before grabbing the fire bucket and a spade to dig up dirt to put the fire out with later. Mick grumbled- just for show -and all but bounded into the trees like a kid in a toy store. While Mick did that, Len found a nearby stream- right where the map said. It was crystal clear and cold enough to shock Len’s teeth when he stuck his hand in it. Snow melt, he read, but it hadn’t really occurred to him just how cold it would be. Mick would hate it, he decided with amusement. He filled up his water bottle in the stream as well as a large container for general use. It was only about a quarter mile from where they’d set up but it would still be a bother making that walk every time they wanted water for mundane things like washing their hands. After that Len went about setting up the camp: putting up the tent- which Mick had to help him with because while the instructions were easy, the poles very much did not like bending that way -unrolling the sleeping bags, putting out things like the lantern, toiletries and a shotgun- which Mick refused to come without because there are goddamn wild animals out here and a little knife isn’t going to stop most of them, Lenny -in easy reach. Then stringing a hammock between a couple trees and setting the bear-proof canister on the outskirts of the camp. Len didn’t actually know if bears were that much of an issue in this area but when Mick saw it, he swore up and down he’d never go camping with Len. Which lead to lugging around the shotgun. By the time the camp was to Len’s liking, the sun was starting to set and Mick had finally gotten the fire pit to his liking. “Really, Mick,” Len teased as he broke out the skewers, marshmallows and chocolate because what good, non-arson-related fire was complete without s’mores? “They’ll be able to see this from space.” “Be a crappy view for ‘em,” came the distracted reply, Mick focusing on setting up the kindling. The fire, even Len had to admit, was impressive. And it brought Mick’s good humor back. They had a couple cold sandwiches and chips for dinner given the fire, according to Mick, was too hot. Anything they’d try to cook on it would be burnt on the outside and raw on the inside. They demolished half the bag of marshmallows, mostly by eating them but a fair few became projectiles that Len later scooped up and tossed in the fire to keep hungry critters from wandering into their camp. After their earlier hike just getting to the site, it didn’t take long for the sugar crash to set in. They put out the fire, put on their pajamas and slipped into the sleeping bags Len had zipped together. A chill was beginning to set but, between the thick layers, small space and shared body heat, Len thought it might end up getting stifling in the tent. The thought stayed in the back of his head as he began to drift off to sleep, face pressed against the curve of Mick’s back. “...Len?” Len just made a muffled noise in acknowledgement. “The ground’s too hard and it’s too damn noisy. I can’t sleep.” Scowling against Mick’s back, Len let his hand flop forward until he could slap it over Mick’s mouth. While that had been sufficient hint for Mick to shut up during the night, it didn’t stop Mick from tossing and turning. Which, in turn, kept Len from doing more than dozing. In the end, just as the morning birds were starting to sing and the temperature in the tent went from warm to boiling, Len unzipped his half of the joined sleeping bag and tried to salvage what sleep he could on the hammock. When he finally woke up not all that long later, Len was cranky, tired and sore. Mick, looking just as cranky, tired and sore, said from where he was cooking breakfast over a small fire, “I told you. Being in the country fucking sucks.” He ended up burning breakfast because something something, open fires are harder to regulate temperature than grills. Len was too irritable to care as he gnawed on plain bread, burnt eggs and a dry granola mix. Even with his food history it was a pretty bad meal. Afterward, Len walked to the stream to wash up. There was still plenty in the container he filled the day before but he figured he’d use the time away from Mick to calm down a bit. After all, it wasn’t his partner’s fault that the ground- and hammock -were terrible to sleep on. Maybe next time, if there ever was one, Len would consider an air mattress worthwhile to lug around. Len returned to find Mick was staring deeply at the fire. After putting his stuff away and dressing for the day, Len stood and surveyed his surroundings. “The hell do people do out here?” He asked. “Nothing,” Mick replied, gaze not wavering. “There’s not a goddamn thing to do.” If Len didn’t know any better, he’d think maybe Mick’s pyromania was a result of boredom. “Do you want to go for a hike?” When Mick gave him an incredulous look, Len shot back, “There’s nothing else to do so why not?” Mick continued to glare. In the end, though, he reached for the fire bucket and upended it over the fire. Len couldn’t help the warm smile as he overheard Mick mutter, “Can’t believe I’m in love with you.” The hike wasn’t too bad though Len’s internal map was off just enough that they couldn’t find the camp for a good half hour. By then the sun was just reaching its apex, leaving them both sweating and out of breath. Len grabbed their toiletries and told Mick, “Let’s wash up before lunch.” Mick, blatantly eyeing Len, growled in agreement. They reached the stream and Mick immediately pulled off his shirt, intent obvious. Len stifled a snicker as he dipped a washcloth in the stream, got it nice and wet, then slapped it against Mick’s bared chest. Mick yelped loudly, jumping back and pulling the cloth off him. “Fuck, that’s cold!” Len just cackled at him, lathering up his own washcloth. “I fucking hate you,” Mick said just before he retreated a good ten feet away, muttering about how his dick was going to shrivel up inside his body. Lunch was a simple affair of roasted hot dogs and buns toasted on the outskirts of a fire. That still left an awful lot of hours with nothing to do, however. When Len got back from cleaning up their lunch, he found Mick in the hammock, reading a book. He looked up at Len’s approach. “Wanna join me?” Len’s back twinged in protest but it wasn’t like he had anything else to do. He grabbed his own book and, after nearly capsizing the hammock three times on his way in, settled against Mick’s side. They stayed like that until the sun began to set. That night they layered the sleeping bags one on top of the other. It didn’t leave a lot of room for the both of them to lay together and they’d be chilly until the tent warmed up but there was a little extra padding. It still was hardly comfortable but it at least got them through the night. Still without anything to do, they went for another hike the next day. Instead of washing up at the stream, though, Len filled up a couple of bowls with water and brought them over to the afternoon fire to warm up while Mick cooked. After eating, with Mick eyeing the bowls with confusion, Len tested the temperature of the water. Deeming it acceptable, he began unbuttoning his shirt. “Uh, Lenny?” Mick asked, clearly confused. Len let the shirt slip off his shoulders, giving his partner a coy smile. He wetted a washcloth. “You do me, I do you?” “Are you seriously trying to seduce me with basically a sponge bath?” “Only if it works.” Mick stared at him for a moment. “Fuck it, I’m easy.” He pulled off his shirt and hummed in approval at the first swipe of the warm cloth against his skin. That night Len lounged in the tent, content, naked and- for once -unself-conscious, watching as Mick cooked dinner in nothing but a pair of boxers. Something both of them quickly came to regret after waking up covered in bug bites. Mick had a hand down his pants in a way that wasn’t remotely sexy, scratching at a bite high on the inside of his thigh. “Can’t believe we’re out here for two more damn days.” Len, in the midst of rubbing his back against a tree to get a trio of bites right under his shoulder blade, silently agreed. ~*~*~*~ “Oh, look,” Lisa said casually from her place on the couch. “You two survived.” She gave Mick a shit-eating grin. “I guess camping isn’t as bad as you made it out to be.” “Next time he kidnaps me for a camping trip,” Mick growled, “I’m dragging you with me. See how smug you are after that.” Lisa patted his arm, not even trying to hide her amusement. “I’ll be sure to steal any camping books he picks up so you can burn them.” She turned to Len as Mick stomped off to set down their gear. Her eyebrow raised. “Well? Everything you hoped it would be?” “Overrated,” Len admitted. His eyes drifted after Mick, thinking about the mornings in that little tent, warm and isolated, like the world was just the two of them or the afternoons they spent in the hammock reading to each other. He thought about Mick stripped and pliant as Len washed him, body gleaming with water and sunlight. He thought about the evenings by the fire as night fell, sitting between Mick’s legs and leaning against his chest, Len singing softly and Mick as enthralled by Len’s voice as he was by the fire. “But it had its highlights.”

[tumblunni]

MISCELLANEOUS VOLTORB HEADCANONS TIME!

* I’m not sure what I like better, the idea that voltorbs do have a mouth or the idea that they just absorb nutrients through their skin somehow? Like... maybe they have a very small mouth too small for humans to see, so they take little pinprick sized nibbles out of stuff! or maybe the seam between the red and white sections actually is their jaw, so they pop open on a hinge like a pokeball to eat stuff! And maybe electrode does that too and their humanoid mouth is actually just a camoflage pattern on their skin that they can move around like an LED projection!

* Oh, or maybe they’re like the opposite of some butterflies that lose their mouth when they come out of the cocoon and never eat anything cos they only live for a week or so in their adult stage. So maybe voltorbs never eat, and they can die if they don’t evolve before the end of a set time limit, unless humans intervene and put them on an intraveneous drip. (Which is a quite difficult and expensive operation cos you have to pierce this magical steel hide to get to the circulatory system) Or maybe its just that voltorbs only absorb electricity and dont require actual food until they grow to a certain size? And that means that voltorbs naturally evolve much earlier in the wild, because electricity is harder to find unless you live with humans. As soon as their body becomes impossible to sustain on voltage alone, they undergo the metamorphosis to grow a face and stomach and become a biological engine! So human-trained electrodes kinda have the advantage of starting off stronger cos they waited until they were already mature before evolving. But wild electrodes have the advantage of accessing their evolved power earlier, even if they’re lil bitesize euivelants. Plus sometimes just remaining voltorb-sized can be more practical for getting around certain environments, the massive human-trained electrodes are adapted for a comfortable life where they won’t need to do much hiding from predators.

* Oh and... yeah. Predators! I feel like maybe they’re vampirized by other electric types, since they’re pretty much like a sentient battery just sitting there up for grabs. Maybe particularly big stuff like Electavire could even crunch an entire voltorb in its jaws, and thats why it evolved to have more steel-ish elements to it, so it could pull this off? but for most electric mons they arent able to break voltorb’s hard shell, so they can just drain its power but not kill it. But if a voltorb is stuck unable to move its basically a slow death anyway... Possibly their most common enemy is Pikachu, cos they’re speedy while voltorbs are slow. And thats why they mimic pokeballs, cos pikachus dont like to be inside their ball. (Well, in anime canon at least)

* Maybe they have such a hyperactive self-destruct reflex because they’re so commonly eaten, then? Even when you capture a voltorb its still a very anxious critter who doesnt really realize its gonna be safe, and that pokemon battles arent life or death. So its heartwarming that fully-grown electrodes are known for their more chilled and happy demeanor! (Maybe the wild variant of the breed would keep voltorb’s angry face?) So they’re like real life exotic pets like snakes and scorpions, their easily-frightened nature is mistaken for deliberate malice by humans.

* Perhaps there are variants whose patterns reflect the different pokeball types, depending on which is more popular in different regions? Normal pokeballs are obviously the most common discarded ones in the majority of the world, but like in victory road you would find mostly ultra ball voltorbs.

* oh and I totally headcanon that voltorbs really ARE pokeballs that come to life! I think maybe they ‘breed’ asexually by nursing a nest of regular pokeballs that will hatch into new voltorbs. Basically they go around nuzzling broken pokeballs as if they’re poor injured children, and through the power of love they actually become that.  Like somehow they can pass fragments of their ‘life energy’ into new hosts? Theyre more like sentient electricity monsters that just wear the pokeballs as a shell to protect them. Maybe them and Rotom diverged from a single ancestor in the ancient past...? So the more rare pokeball variants dont occur in the wild, they’re selectrively bred by humans. Usually an electrode will make a nest from the same pokeball that it was born from as a voltorb, unless they cant find any. But deliberately depriving them of pokeballs and forcing them to imprint on a luxury ball or whatever is considered cruel, the parent gets incredibly stressed from the ordeal and may have trouble bonding with their newborn 'torbs. However electrodes have also been known to pick a pokeball that one of its fellow party members uses, it seems this is a form of honor amoung them. (You’re the godfather, oddish!) Oh and probably the earliest voltorbs could have been seen as an entirely different species. An electric/grass type that possessed apricorns before pokeballs were invented. Nowadays pokeballs are so common that very few voltorbs ever possess apricorns. Barely anyone even actually grows apricorns anymore, aside from some speciality pokeball shops in johto. (Maybe an ancient forme voltorb could be Kurt’s mascot?)

* Scientists have theorized that some other species of ‘inanimate object’ pokemon might also share roots in the voltorb genus. The tangeantally similar kantonian pokemon Magnemite is considered a prime candidate for this, some people have made petitions to recategorize it as a ‘voltorb-eating voltorb’. (Similar to assassin spiders in real life, which really do look like an entirely different animal. Theyre the only spider that has A NECK!) After all, the pokedex in some generations does mention that electrode is capable of flying when it absorbs enough energy!

* An electrode can theoretically keep growing forever, the largest recorded specemin was a 58-year old pet that reached the height of a van. It’s thought that as human technology continues to advance, electric pokemon will continue to adapt in this way, and we’ll continue to discover facts about them that would never come to light in the wild. The largest recorded wild specemins were exclusively found in abandoned power plants and other sources of human junk.

* Wild voltorbs and electrodes are usually quite sedentary, but become hyperactive on days with stormy weather. Local packs will congregate to chase the thunderbolts, almost like a festival! However if they get too gluttonous they might self destruct from the excitement, and have a ‘hangover’ the next day.

* Voltorb explosions do no damage to the pokemon, aside from putting them to ‘sleep’ for several hours as they regenerate. The explosion is vented through tiny cracks in their steel shell, which also ensures that if it’s powerful enough to dislodge any parts they will shatter into precise shapes for easy reassembly. A disassembled voltorb resembles a giant 3D puzzle, its incredible how the seams of these pieces are completely invisible when it’s fully formed! Internal magnetism draws these broken pieces back to the core as the fainted pokemon sleeps, and in the morning it goes searching for metal to eat to repair any dents. A voltorb can recover from using Explosion as long as at least 50% of its shell can be reattatched to the core within 24 hours. If the pieces flew too far to be recalled or were eaten by predators, human conservationists can save the injured pokemon by attatching sheet metal over the wounds. Over time, this will be absorbed into the voltorb’s body and leave it with mismatched patterns.

* VOLTORBS AND ELECTRODES ARE VERY NICE AND CUTE OKAY this is an important fact

* No but seriously I always saw them as kind of a super smart pokemon? i dunno why, except cos scientist trainers always use them. But I feel like they’d be the closest thing to parrots aside from Chatot and telepathic mons. They’re very good at mimicking human noises and can be trained to do many useful tricks! As opposed to chatot which pretty much can only talk and never listens to its trainer XD

[themanuelruello]

How to Harvest and Roast Sunflower Seeds

I may have harvested a lifetime supply of sunflower seeds.

For some reason, the sunflowers great like gangbusters this year, even while everything else struggled.

(Funny story: all of my sunflowers were volunteers this year, and when they first popped up, I thought they were bean plants… so I transplanted them into a nice little square in one of my beds, and then was promptly embarrassed when I realized I’d planted 9 sunflowers extremely close together in the midst of my bean patch.)

So, while no one will be calling me a gardening expert this year (or probably any year), a few weeks ago the kids loaded up wheelbarrows full of our volunteer sunflowers so we could harvest the seeds.

(If you didn’t grow sunflowers this year, check out all these different sunflower varieties you can try growing next year from True Leaf Market.)

My very close together transplanted sunflowers ?

How to Harvest Sunflower Seeds

With little effort on my part, my sunflowers reached insane heights this year, and the huge, cheery yellow blooms against the blue prairie sky were the prettiest part of my garden. Not to mention that they attracted pollinators all summer long. Score.

If you plan to harvest the seeds from your sunflowers, it’s important that you wait until the right time (otherwise, you’ll just have empty shells!)

1. Keep an eye on your sunflowers.

The flower itself will start to fade when the seeds inside mature. As the flower fades and the ripening seeds get heavy, the sunflower’s head will begin to droop. Soon after that, the petals will start to curl in and turn brittle.

To get to the seeds, you’ll first need to brush off the hundreds of tiny dead flowers that stand above the hundreds of seeds in each flower head. (Even though we call each sunflower bloom a flower, in reality each bloom is made up of hundreds—sometimes thousands—of teeny tiny flowers in the center. The sunflower seeds are actually the mature ovaries of all those teeny tiny flowers.)

The seeds start developing first along the edges, with the seeds in the center of the sunflowers maturing last. In fact, often times the ones in the center may never reach maturity. That’s totally okay. You can just use all the seeds that do. And you’ll easily know the difference. If it’s not a mature seed, it won’t easily pop out.

You will also need to watch your sunflowers closely because birds and squirrels may want to enjoy the tasty snacks before you get a chance to. If you find critters are really determined to get your sunflower seeds, you could cover the flower heads with cheesecloth or burlap to protect the seeds from the birds while they dry naturally on the stalk.

2. Harvest the flowers.

If you’ve been watching the transformation of your sunflowers, you’ll probably know when they’re ready, but if you aren’t sure, you can always give them a taste test. Gently pry a few seeds from the flower heads and give them a try to see if they are ready to harvest.

If you’ve never eaten sunflower seeds before, you may not know that the part we eat is the tiny kernel inside the outer shell. To expose the kernel, just pop a seed in your mouth and gently pry the shell open with your front teeth.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind when you’re harvesting sunflowers:

Wait till the flowers are nice and dry. Never harvest them on a rainy day, or they will turn moldy instead of drying out.

Cut the flower head off of the stalk and leave about a foot of stem on the flower head if you can, so that you have something to hold and an easy way to hang them to dry.

Use some good-quality gardening shears. The stalks can be super thick and maybe a little prickly, so good shears are pretty much imperative.

Place the flower heads gently in a large container or wheelbarrow that can catch any of the seeds that fall out of the heads. I have a wagon that I use for my garden produce, and that makes it super easy to wheel them right to the house. (You’d be surprised how heavy those suckers can be!)

3. Dry the sunflower heads.

If your weather cooperated for you, you might be able to skip this step. Your sunflower heads might be perfectly dry and mature right there on the stalks. If not, you can hang your sunflower heads up to dry by wrapping some twine around the remaining flower stalks and hanging them in closets or on hooks in a place in your house with good air circulation and where they are out of direct sunlight.

You might want to hang them over a basket, bucket, or bowl in order to collect any seeds that fall out as they hang. Or, cover the heads with burlap or cheesecloth to catch any fallen seeds as they hang upside down.

After a week or two, your sunflower heads should be fully dry. You’ll often know they are dried and matured if the seeds come out rather easily when you run your hand along the head. But some varieties of sunflowers hold onto their seeds better and you may find you want to bend back or break the flower head in order to pop the seeds out easily.

4. Remove the sunflower seeds.

There are many different ways you can remove the sunflower seeds from the heads. Here are a few of the most popular ways to remove sunflower seeds:

Rub two sunflower heads together over a bucket or a paper bag. The seeds of fully-dried and mature sunflowers may fall right off.

Hang the sunflower heads up somewhere to dry more and wait to remove the seeds until you need them. You might want to put a burlap bag around them to catch any seeds that fall off as they dry.

Rub the dried seed heads over a coarse wire screen that is on top of a bucket. The seeds will fall out into the bucket.

Sit on your back porch and remove the seeds by hand in a bucket. Possibly on a rocking chair. This is about as old-fashioned and relaxing as you can get! On the other hand, it’s a nice mindless thing to do when the family is watching a TV show together or you’re talking on the phone. ( We wore rubber gloves as the flowers are sticky and the rubber also helps you grip the seeds and pull them out)

5. Thoroughly dry the sunflower seeds.

Whether you’re saving them for planting in next year’s garden or for eating, those sunflower seeds need to be completely dry before you store them. Of course, if you’re roasting them right after you pick them, no need to dry them first.

To dry your seeds, simply spread them out in a single layer on your kitchen counter or a baking sheet for a few days, removing any debris you may have collected with the seeds. Occasionally, you should mix them up a bit, to make sure they get dried on all sides (no need to be too meticulous about it). If you have an old screen around that you can spread them out on, for nice air circulation, even better.

You’ll know they are completely dry if you pick some up and shake them. If you hear the seed rattling around inside, you know they’re ready for storage. Sunflower seeds sunflower seeds have a long shelf life if kept dry, in a cool, dark place at a constant temperature.

Except mine. They won’t have a long shelf life because Christian is already mowing through them. Here’s how we roasted and salted ours:

How to Roast Sunflower Seeds

Ingredients:

2 cups raw and shelled sunflower seeds

1/4 cup salt (This is the coarse sea salt I love)

8 cups water

Directions:

Rinse the seeds well.

In a large pot, bring the sunflower seeds, salt, and water to a boil. Reduce the temperature and let them simmer for 15-20 minutes.

Drain the seeds in a colander for a minute or two.

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

Spread the drained seeds onto a baking sheet in a single layer. Place on the top rack in your oven for 10-15 minutes. After 10 minutes, start keeping an eye on the seeds so that they don’t burn and give them a stir with a spatula. Continue to roast and stir until the seeds are dry and crisp. (But not burnt!)

Let them cool off and enjoy them either warm or at room temperature.

Store in an airtight container.

Roasted Sunflower Seeds Notes:

This recipe can easily be double or quadrupled if you have a bunch of seeds like we did

You can also just soak the seeds in the salt water overnight without simmering first– it just takes a little bit longer.

The simmering water turned bright purple when we boiled the seeds– I think some of our seeds were black-oil sunflower seeds, which added the extra color.

Print

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How to Harvest and Roast Sunflower Seeds

Author: Jill Winger/The Prairie Homestead

Ingredients

2 cups raw and shelled sunflower seeds

1/4 cup salt

8 cups water

Instructions

Rinse the seeds well.

In a large pot, bring the sunflower seeds, salt, and water to a boil. Reduce the temperature and let them simmer for 15-20 minutes.

Drain the seeds in a colander for a minute or two.

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

Spread the drained seeds onto a baking sheet in a single layer. Place on the top rack in your oven for 10-15 minutes. After 10 minutes, start keeping an eye on the seeds so that they don’t burn and give them a stir with a spatula. Continue to roast and stir until the seeds are dry and crisp. (But not burnt!)

Let them cool off and enjoy them either warm or at room temperature.

Store in an airtight container.

Notes

This recipe can easily be double or quadrupled if you have a bunch of seeds like we did

You can also just soak the seeds in the salt water overnight without simmering first– it just takes a little bit longer.

The simmering water turned bright purple when we boiled the seeds– I think some of our seeds were black-oil sunflower seeds, which added the extra color.

More Fall Preserving Tips:

How to Roast Pumpkin Seeds

Canning Apple Slices: A Tutorial

Canning Made Easy: My step-by-step canning process walkthrough– perfect for beginners or nervous canners!

How to Braid Onions

A Guide to Quick Pickled Vegetables

The post How to Harvest and Roast Sunflower Seeds appeared first on The Prairie Homestead.

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