#They didn't even eat til 6pm

[ssnoffle]

Sora when they learn how to use VRoid AJDKFFKDSJF. Anyways this is Chartreuse or Cherry for short. Her whole thing along with some others will be coming out. They're goal is after sorting some more stuff out, making VRoid models for all of them !

[bipolarmango]

I returned to a corporate office after 1,5 years WFH (and 6+ years spent in small companies) and these two weeks have been a nightmare from a neurodivergent (ADHD/autism) pov. Let's recap:

Open office with no dividers or walls. You can hear everything. You can smell everything. You can see everything. People are speaking louder and louder to hear each other because so many other people are speaking. People are on calls. People are watching videos. People are eating at their desk. People are walking by your desk. It's just too much.

Open office with no dedicated seats. For someone who needs structure and habits and follows those certain ones to a tee to feel comfort, this is really anxiety-inducing. I want my own seat. I don't know how to underline this enough.

Clean desk policy. You're not allowed to leave anything on the desk, have anything on the walls of the office, or decorate the space in any way. For someone who feels safe with their own things, in their own place, that has become their own little nest, preferably in a little nook somewhere, this combined with open office and free seating is an absolute nightmare.

No headphones/headset allowed unless on a call. This is apparently to boost collaboration and make sure we don't look passive to clients etc. who might come to the office but it's absolutely ridiculous and a full-on nightmare for someone with really bad concentration issues AND to someone who's one primary ways of self-soothing (that can be done in public without looking weird) is listening to my "safe" music on a repeat. Not allowed.

Times when breaks can be taken are scheduled. I want to underline that I work in a management/senior position as an industry specialist. My work is not linework white collar office work. I can do it in the middle of the night if I feel like it. This is the company wanting to control people, nothing else. It's horrible because when I reach the point where I need a break, I just have to take it. But I can't. I need to keep pushing through until it's that time a'clock and I can go for my break and have the meltdown.

No remote work allowed. Remote work is a perk you earn when promoted to a senior manager. Us lower level people come to the office all day every day, no matter what.

Strict set working hours. You come to the office between 8am and 9am and leave between 5pm and 6pm. No exceptions. Except for senior managers and up. They do what they please.

I am not even joking when I say that there's been several days when I've been in the bathroom crying because of sensory overload has pushed me into a full-on anxiety attack and then I have had to aoldier through it and get back to work because it's been hours until my break or til the day has been over. I have already scratched the skin off my ankles and not a day goes by without being so overwhelmed that I just want to walk out and never come back.

It's sad and unfair that you have to spend a massive amount of your mental energy in dealing with things like this (plus dealing with other things, like attention deficit issues and social/communication issues). You're at work to deliver work results and somehow it's just one massive survival of the fittest course that never ends. How are you supposed to deliver results like neurotypicals?

The company of course prides themselves being inclusive and supporting neurodivergent people but this is the reality.

(Yes, fair question, why do I work here if it sucks? 1) I didn't know, the HR painted a different picture. 2) The reality is that at the moment, the market is very difficult and you gotta take what you get while you keep searching.)

[never-not-ever]

When someone wakes up at 8am and went to bed at 8pm it's like hey, you got some good sleep! But when you sleep until 5pm but didn't go to bed til 5am it sounds like too much sleep and very bad for you!! That was me and it means I'm definitely into a pattern now and am probably going to be up until the early morning agan.

That being said I was up a couple times this morning. My Nana's cousin was supposed to come this morning to fix two doors in my apartment and someone from PACT was dropping off my weekly meds so I had to have my phone on and wasn't really in a deep sleep. The guy never came but the PACT person did come and said "the nurses just want to make sure you're coming Tuesday?". I'm supposed to have weekly sessions with my case manager/peer specialist but I've only seen her once since I got out 😐. She was sick once and then I had scheduling issues with the car I'm sharing with my Nana so appointments got pushed and canceled. Besides getting meds weekly and the nurse asking how I'm doing and I say "eh, okay", the PACT team doesn't really know how things actually are...

Anyways because I kept waking up I had SO many dreams and weird ones. I remember I was about to eat a steak sandwich and I had a piece and was like what are you doing you're vegetarian?!?.... Then a dream I was in a partial program at McLean and newer people that came from my old unit was saying the one of the patients who's still there said hi. Then I was organizing some weird tray of different glass cups and my old fav nurse who's now on overnights was telling me to stop touching it. Then I was like walking along the curb on Storrow Drive (?!?!?) with some other people from partial. Then one where her cousin actually showed up but he was drunk and a lot younger than what age my Nana said. Strange.

I got dinner with some friends last night and I was so anxious cause this was the first social thing I've done in well over a year! Even last summer I hardly saw them cause I was working so much. But one friend came up from NC for the weekend cause she's from here and she has some family things going on. Then there were 3 other friends (two are in a relationship), the 5 of us have a group chat that we talk a lot on. At first the dinner was going to be just us but then 2 other girls got invited and I was so tempted to cancel cause it started to feel overwhelming with so many people. I didn't want to cancel cause my friend from NC had a horrible morning so I ended up going and it wasn't that bad.

It's so weird that it's after 6pm and it feels/technically is like my day just started. The light coming in from the windows sort of looks like when the sun starts to rise so I can kind of trick my mind into thinking it's early morning 😂.

I need to go out in a little bit to pick up some groceries and while typing all this I got a whiff of apple cider 🧐 so I added hot apple cider to the list! I'm planning on making Pasta e Fagioli soup later. My Nana used to make it when I was growing up so I'm excited to try making it myself. I made lentil soup a couple weeks ago but it made a huge batch and I had soup for days plus soup in my freezer so I need to try to downsize this one.

[heartfucksmouth]

I had 8 sage seedlings started from seeds I harvested off my original sage plant. myles parents had started tomatoes and I kept watering all the seed pots bc nobody else was... they were definitely ready to be hardened off and get planted, so I'd scramble to get them outside in the mornings and scramble to find time to bring them in before the evening.

well, I didn't get to them until 6pm today and I'm pretty sure I lost all my sage. I didn't water them before putting them out.

maybe three might bounce back. I'm crying like I lost a companion. and I'm so angry bc someone shut the door they were sitting right outside of, and didn't think to bring them in...

it's not like I don't have my hands full with Aidan, my health, avoiding burnout, and all sorts of shit to do. but nah, all Marsha does is watch fucking Facebook reels all day. she can't even bring the plants inside.

we had Aidans birthday party yesterday and it kicked my ass. she didn't bother trying to refrigerate the cake, or the lemonade/punch (with pieces of fruit in it) I made. I had to do it. I also couldn't even make the second cake I planned bc she didn't leave me any room in the fridge for it.

I fucking hate her. I hate living here. I hate how soulless it makes me feel. I just want to be a good mom and good partner, but it's really really getting to me. I'm struggling emotionally every day. and then I'm made to feel like my problems don't matter, she's always telling me wait til I get to her age as if I don't have fucking illnesses. sorry you gave yourself a heart attack and diabetes bc you eat like shit and treat your body like trash... but I didn't ask to be this sick and I'm STILL doing more for my kid and partner than you. for fucks sake.

I've never lived with people whose heads are so far up their own asses. I don't want to feel like dying 15 times a day. I want my plants and my dog and to have my boundaries respected and idk not have to dictate everything I need help with, only for it to still be done wrong and creating more work for me.

this is such shit.

[gorewh0re90x-blog]

diary entries...

TW: substances, ed, TMI situations

1/7/2024

6pm

im so tired. i havent been this tired since i quit doing dope 7 months ago. i still miss her almost everyday. my one true love. she was with me through everything the last 12 years. our relationship was toxic as hell but she will always be the one who got away. even if (when) i relapse and run back to her it will always end. it might end in death or just another rehab but it will always end. thats the thing with her, no matter how many times i run back i always have to leave, even if its for a little bit. theres no way around it. i start doing good in life and i run back to her warm and beautiful arms. the beginning is always the best, the honeymoon phase, but it doesnt last longer than 6 months. she always asks for more and more. more time, more money, more attention, more destruction. we lay in bed all day and all night as she whispers sweetly in my ear 'you dont need any of this..not this job, not this money, not your friends, not your family, not the outside world..you only need me..' and i always agree because its true, i only need her to be ok with being alive. no matter how many times we go through the same notions, i always listen to her..how can i not? when im with her nothing else matters, nothing means a thing. she makes me feel so safe, so warm, so invincible, so beautiful, so amazing.. its only her, always and forever.. until she takes everything away from me, as she always does, and drags me to rock bottom where the only choice i have left, is to leave her again..

9pm

idk whats wrong with me the last few days. im so tired and feeling like crap. it cant be not enough sleep because im sleeping. it cant be not enough food because im eating. im tired, my stomach hurts, im cold until I get in bed and under the covers and then im hot. my head hurts. my body aches, although that could be just me trying to work out too much. it feels like im constipated but im still going a little everyday. consistency of soft serve ice cream, which is super foreign to me. ive been constipated for the last 12 years, going once a week, if i was lucky, and when i did go it was like pushing out baseballs made out of rocks. this whole thing is just strange and exhausting. i just feel like I have the flu. i took dulcolax, my savior, an hour and a half ago and im hoping it clears out everything i ate the last 4 days and not just little swirls of crap that take 10mins of wiping to clean up. gross, i know. i just want to sleep but i don't want to wake up at midnight and be wide awake til i get back from the clinic at 6:30am. maybe ill be able to sleep for the next 6 hours and then just work out some until its time to head to the clinic at 5:30. i took an hour nap earlier around 5pm and had a weird dream.. it had to do with 2 guys breaking in and trying to shoot us unsuccessfully and ended up with me stabbing one and the other getting shot. hopefully its not some premission.. im gonna try to nap.

1/8/2024

12:05am

i decided to let myself get an oreo mcflurry every sunday since ive been doing so well with my diet and exercise. i figured that since i burn more than the 510cal thats in the dam thing every day anyway, i can be a fat fucking pig and have one. theyre just so dam good 😩 cutting out all sugar has been a nightmare over the last month. ive spent the whole time i was an h addict living on sugar so its been rough. it will be totally worth it though. i should reach my current goal weight of 100lbs in the next 10 months or less as long as i keep doing what ive been doing. i cant wait to be thin and beautiful. i dont need drugs as long as im thin 🖤

1/9/2024

1am

i ate that slice of cheese pizza i said i wouldnt touch..378cals. 378!! im such a fat pig. disgusting. it doesnt matter that i burned twice as much in calories today. the only thing that matters is that i didn't have enough self control to not eat that dam slice of pizza. i hate that my husband eats the foods i cant have every freaking day. i know me needing to lose weight is not his problem but it still sucks to be put in these situations everyday. if its not pizza its cookies and sweets and danishes and everything else I cant eat. fuck this sucks so bad! starting tomorrow i need to burn more than 700-900cals each day. i need to walk more than 10-13k steps. i need to eat less than 1400cal each day. idc if im technically still losing weight. its not enough. i need to do better and damnit i will do better.

11pm

i ate less but didnt get to work out as much as i wanted to. i guess tomorrow will be better. it better be at least. i need to get to sleep before 3am tonight so i dont sleep til 5pm tomorrow.. i have to be up at 530am to go to the clinic 5 times a week and by 11am im so exhausted i need a freaking nap or im falling over on my feet. i think they need to lower the dose on my medicine. this is getting super annoying. i just wanna be thin already. fml.

1/11/2024

12:36am

today was good. i walked over 13k steps, worked out for an hour, burned about 1000cals and only ate about 800cals. definitely getting a hang of this. didnt have a headache either. got a decent amount of sleep too. im definitely gonna ask my clinic to lower the dose on my medication because im sure thats why im tired all the time. im super sore from the gym the other day but tomorrow i have to go either way. hopefully it wont be too crowded because i get really bad anxiety and paranoia around strangers. i hate going outside. goodnight my lovelies, i hope youre all staying on track and getting closer to your ugw 🖤🚬🦋

1/13/2024

5:16am

i had a good day yesterday but not a great night. i burned around 1200cals and had a 90min work out plus 15k steps. less food as well. ordered some stuff off amazon ive been wanting since beginning of december so i was super happy until my husband decided to drink and be..not great. he hasnt been drinking since we moved states 7 months ago except 1 or 2 previous occasions because he gets wasted and acts a fool. he was doing good until he wasnt. it just wasnt a good experience but hes finally asleep. im exhausted from not getting more than 3 hours of sleep the previous night and having to deep clean the whole house and do my workout and now being up all night. i want to go to sleep but i have a few things to worry about due to his drinking so its not looking so good right now.. i fed the stray cats i take care of just now and im gonna lay down and listen to some creepypastas and hope for sleep to come. hope everyone is doing well 🖤🚬🦋

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #125

What is your favorite middle name for a girl? It totally depends on the first name. I don't have a set favorite.

Which insect annoys you the most? Gnats.

How many proms have you been to? Two.

Do you prefer hard rock music or soft rock? I like both, but I prefer hard rock, generally.

Did you ever own a Furby? Yes.

What is your favorite type of dance? Modern. It's a hard type to really describe if you've not done or seen a lot of it, but I think the best way to put it is it's a very story-telling, emotive sort of dancing.

What was your first concert? Alice Cooper. Stiiiiill the only one I've ever been to, I want to go to more so badly.

Have you ever dressed up as a fairy? I don't think so, but for years now I've totally wanted to do a fae-esque photoshoot 😭

What is the most significant health issue you have been dealing with lately? I guess being pre-diabetic. I have no idea how that's changed since my last tests, but it's absolutely affected how I'm living and what's basically a fear of eating like, anything.

What was the name of the first guy/girl you dated? Aaron.

What was the name of the first guy/girl you went out on a date with? Jason.

When was the last time you had a headache? I'm quite positive I actually had a migraine last night. I was basically immobilized in bed by ~6PM and stayed there for the rest of the night, sleeping but waking back up multiple times, and I noticed it didn't respond to the maximum dose of Ibuprofen I took (at least, judging by how quickly it NORMALLY works), only sleep after a good number of hours. I was miserable, and this morning I didn't even wake up 'til around 10 despite lying down super early.

Do you get migraines? They're not a regular thing for me, no, thank fucking goodness. But I've definitely experienced them.

Have you ever had to go to a neurologist? Ye.

How many people do you know who work as hairdressers? List their names. I don't want to reveal the one I've seen since basically being a kid because her name is just really unique, but I also know one my mom sees named Anita. My friend Summer is also good with hair, and Chelsea was (I say "was" because I have no idea what she's up to these days career-wise), too.

Have you ever filmed any TikToks? No.

Have you ever filmed a video for YouTube? DON'T REMIND ME OF THIS LASKDJFAL;KSJD;LKAWJELKR

If you could meet any one YouTuber, which YouTuber would you choose to meet? Would you believe me if my answer was Markiplier lmfao

Do you have any stomach issues? Yes, basically all the women in my family have gastrointestinal issues, oddly enough.

When was the last time you had pizza? It was a good few days ago when my late grandmother's husband was driving through and stayed the night here as a midway point. He's a New Yorker, so we got (really shitty haha) NY pizza. It was super uncomfortable, they weren't married long and we don't know him well at all, like he's not family to me, but it helped that Girt was actually staying that night too so I felt safer. ... I should mention this 90-something y/o man is not a threat to like, ANYBODY, it's super obvious, but still, I didn't like a man I barely know whatsoever sleeping in the adjacent room from me.

Which name do you like better: Felicity or Fiona? I like both, but I think Felicity.

Can you see a teddy bear from where you’re sitting right now? Yeah, the big one Girt got me for Valentine's, haha. It sits on this chair in the corner that's always in my sight when I sit here, along with the Squishmallow he got me and the plush dog his mom gifted me.

Is anything on your body sore right now? My legs, actually. I think it's because I walked a long way (including up a slope) yesterday during PT progress tests.

Does anyone in your family have diabetes? It runs super heavily in my family, so yes. Mom does, as well as her mega shitty brother, and I'm entirely positive there are others, too. I just don't remember them.

When was the last time you went on a date with someone? Many months ago, Girt and I really don't go out much.

… and what was the name of the person you went out with? Girt.

Does your hair have natural highlights in it? Yeah, slightly lighter browns.

What is one type of fruit that you’d like to try that you’ve never tried before? Dragonfruit. It looks so weird.

Have you ever lived alone? No, and I absolutely, positively never want to. It would be SO unhealthy for me.

Would you rather live alone or with someone? Someone, obviously. I'd be horrifically depressed living alone; I literally already struggle on bad mental health days when Mom isn't home just for most of a single day.

Who was the last person who came to visit you? Girt.

Do you have family that you wish you could see more? Yeah. I basically never see my extended family, ever. I don't even know most of them. My mom's family is primarily in NY and Dad's is in Ohio/Michigan, and only my parents, us three daughters, and Ashley's kids live here in NC. My brother's family is in Tennessee, but you have to keep in mind that NC and TN are very long states, with mountains to traverse between them, so it's not exactly easy or quick to get there.

What was your first job? Sales associate at GameStop. I was the worst salesperson imaginable, lmao. Did not last long, and yet it was the longest job I had anyway.

Have you ever gone to the emergency room having a severe allergic reaction? No, thank god.

Who was the last music artist you listened to a song by? oh you know,,,,,,,,,,, this band I'm REALLY normal about,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Have you driven anywhere today? Nah. It's been super gross out today anyway.

Where did you get your favorite pet from? My favorite pet of all-time? Teddy came from the friend of a family friend, whose dog had a massive litter of puppies and needed homes. Lolita knew my parents were looking for a puppy for the family.

Have you ever called animal control on anyone? No.

What are your plans for the coming weekend? I'm certain we'll go to Ashley's for Easter, watch the kids do their egg hunt. I know Mom has baskets for the kids, too.

Is there someone who would support you no matter what? I mean, I would HOPE nobody. I don't want my loved ones to be supportive of me like, committing a murder. I don't believe in unconditional loyalty.

Is there any actual chance you could be pregnant right now? No.

Do you still get carded when you try and buy things you’re old enough to? It's super rare I try to, but I haven't been carded for a drink at a restaurant for a few years now, I think.

What was the last movie you saw in theaters? My answer to this has been The Black Phone for... holy shit, I think nearly a year now. I can tell you I am ABSOLUTELY dragging Girt to see the Barbie movie when it comes out though lmfao

Do you think the drinking age in the US should be lowered to 18? No.

Do you know anyone fluent in a really uncommon language? Quite sure no.

Would you rather visit Iceland for a week or Rome for a day? Ohhhhhh don't ask me that!!! I'm a TOTAL sucker for Roman architecture, and there are so many places there I want to see, but I still think Iceland wins. A day is just too short and besides, in general, I find Iceland prettier.

What were you doing at this time yesterday? At the time I'm answering this question, fighting to sleep in bed to get away from that migraine.

Do you believe most people are good people deep down? Most? Yes.

Who was the last person to see you cry? Girt. Not because of something he did, I was just having some personal problems. He was wonderful about it and helped me out of it.

When was the last time you slept in a bed with someone else? A few nights ago when Girt was here.

When was the last time you slept in a bed not your own? A couple months ago or something like that when my mom was doing something with my bed. I slept in hers, and she used the couch pull-out one.

When was the last time you slept on something other than a bed? Months ago on Ashley's couch while babysitting with Mom. I try mega hard to avoid that, because by like, the next day I will be so sore.

Who do you look more like, your dad or your mom? I've heard both, depending on who you ask. I don't know who I look more like, personally.

How do you feel about the last person you shared a kiss with? I love him with all my heart and hope I get to for the rest of my life.

Have you gotten the COVID vaccine? I got the first two doses of Moderna, but not the boosters, even though I should.

Who in your family is or was a marine? I know I have now-deceased men in my family who were, but idr who they were...

What is one thing you wish you hadn’t seen? Certain things Sara has called me since I ended our friendship that had already been dead for months. A couple things she said about me are unfuckingforgivable by me, and even though I know in my core they're false as shit, haunt me anyway because I have a subzero amount of self-esteem.

What is one thing you find serene? Birdsong. I don't get those people that hate hearing birds in the morning.

What are three things you disliked about being a teen? The political and religious morals/values I held then are #1, and then I also DEFINITELY got hit hard with mental illness and its symptoms, and I hated my acne, too.

For support, on whom do you lean? The primary people are my mom, Girt, Mazzy, and Tez. Others do occasionally, but not nearly as regularly as those four people.

Which color do you like better: tangerine or aquamarine? Aquamarine, I actually really like that color.

What is your favorite foreign cuisine? I suppose Italian, although granted I really haven't tried much foreign food.

Do you like the smell of gasoline? No, it actually gives me a bad headache.

Do you prefer towel drying, blow drying, or natural drying your hair? It's a mix of towel-drying and letting it dry naturally.

Have you ever been sledding? Yeah. There was a hill by my old house where our neighbors, my sisters, and I would use for that purpose. I also vaguely remember sledding down a really big hill when we visited my dad's family in Ohio.

Have you ever flown a kite? Yes, I loved to as a kid.

What’s your favorite milkshake flavor? Eh, I suppose chocolate is what I generally go for. But it varies with my mood.

How long can you balance on one foot? I really don't think I can do that yet because of my legs. We're getting there.

Do you have any scars? Yeah, at the very base of my spine (look it's literally at the top of my asscrack lmfao) from a cyst removal; that's probably my worst one, but I can't see it, so. I also have one on my chin, from when I fainted onto the bathroom floor directly onto it. I might still have faint scars on my shins from how I used to scratch them entirely raw after shaving, but I haven't shaved my legs in so long that I don't know and can't really tell with how dark and thick my hair is.

What did you want to be when you grew up? They ranged from paleontologist, vet, author/poet/artist in general, movie director, game designer, wildlife biologist, I had a super brief guitarist stint at the start of high school and an even shorter (and I mean VERY short) music video editor goal, and then the one that's stuck with me is a photographer. I think that's all of them.

How often do you buy new clothes? Extremely, extremely rarely.

Can you solve sudoku puzzles? I know how to play, yeah. I used to like it quite a bit.

What’s the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Who knows, honestly.

Are you much of a gambler? No, that is behavior I never even want to try.

If your parents hated your current lover would you ditch him? My parents love him, but even if they didn't, no.

Do you prefer liquid soap or bar soap? Liquid, I hate bar soaps.

Who was the last person to knock at your door? Uh I think it was the guy yesterday who was doing something with our fire alarms and ceiling fans.

What’s the last thing you took a picture of? The azaleas growing beside our house. They're gorgeous.

Which is better: Mario or Sonic? Mario; I was never a Sonic fan. I'm not big into Mario either, though.

[sugarcherriess]

I missed you adonis!

I was in such a strange mood the last few days, like getting into pc collecting suddenly made me feel like i needed to clean my room and go thru everything to get rid of stuff, idk why but not a bad thing

So i did 2 days ago from like 9pm to 4am, came across a dead🕷 in my stuffies, then went at 4:30am to watch my cousins 3 little ones w/ my mom thinking my cousins gf was getting serious surgery, then yestday he gets back w/o her way later than he was supposed to & apparently it was all a cover...now it's 4 little ones...

I also didn't eat since 6am that morning so talked my mom into ihop at 6pm lol & didnt go to sleep STILL until 11pm last night, 33 hrs awake😎 (don't recommend, i was delirious way before that point), & best sleep I've had in weeks lol

Idek how but cleaning made my whole back & random parts of my legs sore, & we still have to put the Xmas tree up tomorrow😭

Im glad you're back tho & hope you're having a nice, less stressful/less busy time!😌💖 (sry for the long two day recap...i had no one to talk to til today)

No because I totally get you. I love love LOVE organising my room and my closet but sadly the only time i get motivation to do it is when i get new things that i want to be put in the cleanest place possible 🕴🏻🕴🏻 im not bringing new interests into old vibes

And the spider??? Died in the most comfortable place possible. This is where i wanna die to. Comfortable squished between my stuffies amen 🧎🏻🧎🏻🧎🏻AND FOUR LITTLE ONES WHENBFNFNB WHAT A SURPRISE LMFAO

Back in school and college i used to pull all-nighters for days on end. Like my highest score is four days without sleep and it was during finals week so that was an experience. But now I can’t even work with four hours of sleep like it HAS to be at least 6 🤲🏼

[smrhdwnsla]

my wednesday [march 16, 2022]

knowing that we will not conduct class this morning, my body still automatically woke up early [lol! 9:35am is early for me] just to unplug and use my phone to surf in the internet. i just actually ate the leftover carbonara from last night and 2 pieces of fried salmon for my breakfast and had 2 slices of watermelon [yeah, we livin' healthy] after that, i did what i usually do in the morning, and that is to dance haha lol :) i ended dancing like at 11:25am? then continue my interrupted sleep.

do y'all know what's the shocking part? is that i woke up at 3pm. earlier in the morning, my reading and writing teacher told us that she cannot meet us today since she needs to attend an important activity. as a very responsible student, of course, i understand hehe.

after waking up from my long nap, i helped my sisters in doing the household chores by watering the plants [yeah! we have plants] after that, my other sister [the middle child] started setting up the karaoke so i decided to join her having fun hehe [ppl said i do have a good voice lolz]

after that, my father came home from work. we just continue what we are doing like SPENDING TIME READING STUFFS ABOUT POLITICS IN FACEBOOK AND TWITTER. when 6pm came, my papa ordered me to prepare the ingredienta for pansit since we will be having pansit for dinner. i just sliced some garlic, onion leeks and chili [he was incharged in slicing the chicken]

after eating, i washed the dishes, clean the table and feed the dog. we even argue about politics in our family's group chat since we all have different opinions and presidential candidate [lol! i will never tolerate fake news peddlers]

so my mom intervene then told us "why would y'all argue and waste time about politics?" so i asked her "what do you want us to talk about? my 18th birthday? i told you, i don't want to celebrate it," then they told me about "you should at least appreciate that someone thinks about celebrating your birthday, respect us, your parents,"

then i suddenly told them "respect shouldn't be impose, it should be earned," my mom misunderstood what i said and asked me "we didn't earned your respect?" [i even never said that in the first place. my line is for giving them a slight idea about respect before they should talk about it]

then she got angry and told my father "then don't celebrate her birthday" i told them my side but everyone were already controlled by our emotions.

it is not that i don't appreciate their efforts in celebrating my birthday, it's just i want to spend it the other way around. i want to use the money to buy things that i can use, not food that we can eat [lol! even if you serve people food in parties, they will still talk shit about you]

but they won't allow me. they will say "we will celebrate it, but we will still buy the thing that you want," but when you try to talk to them about buying the thing that you want, they will use the "why should we buy it? we already celebrated your birthday, we already use the money," card.

i hate celebrating birthdays. i still can't forget about my papa slapped me in the face last year, on my birthday.

and now, here i am, can't even borrow the charger from my papa [i don't have a charger] i can't talk to him since we argue, right? he's angry. in our household, we don't say sorry lol. we just wait 'til someone will talk first haha.

after that, i finished answering my basic calculus activity. i listened to (g)i-dle's i never die album, and the whole album was a bop [i even missed f(x) while listening] and also listened to air supply hit songs. after i finished, i hyped nct dream's teasers for tonight. and now, i'm planning to write an update for my au on twitter. i will also review my filipino lessons since we will have our midterms exam tomorrow. wish me luck.

that's all for wednesday!

—lala

[decemberrose0912]

AKALA KO...

By: Lotis Jaramiel

still remember the weird and stupid thoughts when you were a kid? hehehe...

Naalala ko lang what our yaya's, parents, aunties and uncles did to us, brainwashing us with some "horrorstories" and baseless myths....hehehe...and op kors, nagpauto naman ako ... well... didn't have much brains back then... until now actually... kaya madali akong naniwala sa mga sabi-sabi nila: Ito ang mga pinaniniwalaan ko noon...

AKALA KO...

there really was a Santa Clause..lol. I still can't forget the time noong bata ako, I was staying up late one Christmas Eve.. looking up in the sky for Santa Clause and his reindeers. Til, it got too late and I was getting very sleepy na. I even slept in our living room just to wait for Santa Clause. But, I was suddenly awaken by some noise in the middle of the night and to my surprise, I had found out that Santa Clause was only my mom putting the stuff we bought (that we even chose for ourselves) in our Christmas stockings and other gifts under the tree...ahehehe.. Well, I will never forget that.

Akala ko...

I was 7 and todo iyak ako kasi kinukwento ni mama sa amin The Great Flood as a bedtime story akala ko mangyayari na un kaya iniisip ko na kung paano kami gagawa ng barko para sa family namin.

then, akala ko

i would end up looking lyk a dalmatian when i eat meat on a gud friday at magkakabukol ako kapag kumain ako ng bilog.

akala ko..

totoo na hindi gagaling ang sugat kapag nasugatan ka tuwing biyernes santo at lalabas daw ang pari sa sugat kung di magpalagay ng Merthiolate.

Mamamatay ka pag natusok ka ng thumbtacks.

akala ko rin..

ang mga ati-atihan ay mga monster.. nilalagay sa sako ang mga bata at kinakain ito.

kapag di raw ako natulog ng tanghali eh pamimigay daw ako sa bombay!

kailangan ko lang tsambahan ang full moon para makalipad ako sakay nung walis namin.

kapag umuulan daw na may araw ... may ikanakasal daw na tikbalang..... heheh.

kapag yung aso umaalulong sa gabi may mamatay....

kapag madilim na ang mga sulok (5:30-6pm), kailangan ko nang pumasok sa bahay at tumigil sa paglalaro kasi lalabas na yung mga engkanto....Kapag 7pm na, yung mga butiki, bumababa para humalik sa sahig. Mga sinumpang creatures daw kasi sila.

Akala ko nun,

pwede akong makipag kaibigan sa mga dwende at lahat ng mga wishes ko, matutupad pag sinabi ko sa kanila. Akala ko rin pwede nila akong isama sa kanilang kaharian.

Totoo ang manananggal, aswang, tikbalang at kapre.diba?

kapag pinagsama ang wiwi ng girl at boy sa arinola... mabubuntis daw yun girl... 🤣🤣

kahit babae ay patayo kung umihi, kaya sinusubukan ko talaga na patayo umihi nun.🙈🙈🙈

Akala ko..

nakakabulag / nakaka-kalbo pag natulog ng basa yung hair.😂

totoo yung mga nangyayari sa mga pelikula. akala ko pag may namatay sa pelikula, patay na talaga sa totoong buhay.

Akala ko..

when it rains, umiiyak si Jesus..pag may thunder, nag-bo-bowling si God..

Akala ko...

na mamatay ka pag nakita mo yung kidlat sa salamin kaya tinatakpan namin ang mga salamin.

may agimat/anting2x sa lugar na tinatamaan ng kidlat..

tatangkad ako pag tumalon ako when the clock strikes 12 on new year (HINDI PALA!!!!!!)

Akala ko..

hindi na ako aabot ng year 2000.... end of the world kuno.

Akala ko..

lahat ng puti ay Amerikano at kapag sinabing abroad, Saudi lang yun.

Akala ko..

dati kapag nag-madre ang isang babae, hindi na magkaka-mens. kaya gusto ko dati mag-madre eh. haha

nababawasan ng isang basong dugo ang ating katawan pag naliligo sa gabi. bawal kasi kami maligo nun pag madilim na. i've always asked, saan napupunta yun isang basong dugo?

kelangan mag sign-of-the-cross bago lumusong sa malamig na tubig......

ang AJINOMOTO ay dinurog na buto ng tao o basta dinurog na buto.

Lalambot daw ang karne pag sinamahan ng tangkay ng posporo. Buti na lang natuto akong magluto nang tama.

pag itinataas ng pari ang host, tapos pag luhod niya for a couple of seconds, akala ko he's dividing it to super dami pieces. sabi ko pa sa Mama ko, ang galing nung pari mag divide nung malaking host kasi perfect circle lahat ng kinalalabasan.

akala ko..

may hidden treasure na nakabaon sa ilalim ng cabinet sa kwarto ko.

pag nakalunok ng buto ng prutas may tutubong puno sa loob ng tiyan.

akala ko..

pag marami kang kuto sa buhok kukunin ng uwak..dadalhin dun sa toktok ng kawayan..

pagnamboso ka magkakuliti ka.

akala ko..

pag nalunok mo yung bubble gum mamatay ka na kasi nginunguya lang siya hindi siya dapat lunukin kaya akala ko nun nung nakalunok ako mamamatay na ko hehe.

Pero sa lahat talaga na pinaniwalaan ko at sobrang disappointed ko dahil

akala ko...

maganda ang boses ko.....hindi naman pala, hu!hu!hu!😭😭😭

hayyy! those wer da childhood deis..sarap maging bata.... eh kayo, bobo rin ba kayo lyk me?😔🤫🤔😀

Graz, 19.01.2021