#They are like non - native siblings

[karangellc]

Обезьянка чи-чи-чи \(ˊᗜˋ)/

[genderqueerdykes]

i hope what people take away from nex benedict's brutal murder is that transphobia affects all trans people, which heavily includes nonbinary people and especially non binary people of color. while people argue over whether or not nonbinary people are trans, we are being targeted by cishets. we are actively being targeted by transphobia. we are in danger of trans panic. we are still trans, and we need our binary trans siblings to stand beside us.

rest in power nex. you deserved better. please fight like hell for them. please fight like hell for the safety of trans folk in Oklahoma. please fight like hell for all nonbinary people. we are trans. we are your siblings, too.

you can help support queer folk living in oklahoma by supporting Freedom Oklahoma, a native-based organization for trans & queer rights in Nex's home state:

[astrowrld300]

Astro observations

Pt 3

Leo placements are not afraid to be romantic and I love it

Even though Sagittarius placements are super optimistic, the suns are never afraid to say when they are unhappy with something. It can come off as complaining and miserable after a while

Sagittarius suns are also more prone to depression because of how optimistic they can be sometimes, so when the harsh truth of reality hits and comes crashing down on them, they can’t handle it

The non-chalant taurus sun is just an act. They feel. A lot. They’re literally just too lazy to show they care sometimes. And when they don’t care, it’s never personal, but they’re never too lazy to freak out on you for messing with one of their material things.

Venus-Neptune conjunct/trine natives are mesmerizing. They’re beauty is dreamy, ethereal and absolutely out of this world

Virgo rising women have a very distinctive, sexy walk. It’s that hip swaying, one foot in front of another momentum. Could easily be a model just from their walk alone

Virgo men are usually always short and look like nerds

Virgo women are usually on the smaller/petite side. I see most struggle to gain weight or keep it. They also might be lean their whole life.

Taurus moon is a hella underrated placement when it comes to loyalty. These babies are generally too lazy to go out of their way too cheat on you. The sneaking and lying, they don’t have the energy for all that emotionally. Would rather just stay loyal until they leave

Aries suns and cancer risings are naturally built, they don’t need to work much on their bodies to have an attractive build

Leo mars get so mad when their ego is hurt and have a huge praise kink in bed

You could have been outshined by your siblings during childhood if your moon is in Leo, or your mom could have neglected you emotionally and not given you the attention you deserve

Help why are gemini moons so good at love bombing. So are Leo placements and aries venuses but that’s because they lose interest fast. Gemini moons can literally not have any interest in you at all and still love bomb tf outta you

Cancer men are funny asf. Their humour is like a gay best friend. Libra sun men are like this as well

Libras a masculine sign but they’re so feminine and gay. Both men and women

Taurus is a feminine sign but can be so masc sometimes. It’s more in the personality for women and the physicality for men

You need to prioritize self care if you have venus in the second house

Taurus men are the chillest people yk until you start doing them how they’re really doing you

Aquarius and Leo suns have the same amount of ego because they’re sister signs. Leo just isn’t afraid to show it and it’s a little bit more of a god complex for Aquarius

Aries moons start to throw things when they’re upset

Brush your hair out during Leo full moons!

Lilith in the sixth house natives tend to struggle keeping up with daily routines. They may also fall victim to sex scandals in the work place

Libra risings have such a classy, sweet and angelic look but are literally the opposite in reality

It’s exhausting trying to get emotional depth from a gemini moon, don’t even try

2nd house moon synastry makes the house person super possessive and insecure over the moon person, constantly trying to hold them down. There’s a lot of jealousy both emotionally and physically in the relationship

Capricorn risings give of crazy office siren vibes

Libra moon women know that beauty comes from within. They also have such a good eye when it comes to aesthetics and beauty. Their sensitivity to conflict is so cute, it’s they’re need for peace and harmony that makes them so attractive

Mercury at 0 degrees natives have no idea what they actually sound like

Everyone talks about Leo and how big their egos are but no one ever talks about Libra sun men. They always think they’re the prize when dating and their egos are huge

Pisces moons really do have those big dreamy eyes. Both men and women

Mars in 7th house natives tend to direct and put alot of their energy into relationships and partnerships. It may not even be intentional, you might find relationships just tend to drain your energy more than anything else in life

Aries moons are super masculine and have such defined jaws, even more then the sun

Cancer sun women have that timeless kind of look and can pull off so many different timelines of beauty

Taurus moons have thick necks

Gemini moons all have their eyes super close together. They also don’t mean anything they say

Capricorn and taurus women are such bread winners. They truly mastered the law of money

You’ll never see it coming but Taurus men will actually play tf outta you. Any sign has the potential to, but you really don’t see it coming with taurus men

Natives with Pluto in the eighth house are really resistant to change and may struggle to let go of destructive habits

Aries venus has this huge rep for being players but they actually feel super intensely when in love. They don’t like superficial relationships and want a deep, intense connection. Maybe they should stop going for emotionally unavailable people just because they like the chase …

Virgo moons make such good gardeners, it tends to be really therapeutic for them. Doing chores around the house like washing dishes is also super emotionally therapeutic for natives with Virgo moons

Pisces and Aries moons are more likely to get addicted to substances, but for different reasons. Pisces moons use it to escape reality while Aries moons use it to numb the intensity of their emotions

Instead of drugs, 5th house moons/mars/saturn natives use the pleasure in life to cope with emotions or trauma

Earth moons are super sensitive to light and loud noises

Taurus suns take their self care so seriously. It’s like an entire ritual to them. Their whole life even

10th house venus can indicate looking better as you age

Personal Leo placements will be the type to not be interested but decided to keep you around just for the attention anyways. Especially when it’s in the venus. This goes for the men and women

Virgo risings and gemini venuses are so adaptable to the people they hang out with

Gemini moons are babies to me, they just wanna be heard

Cancer rising women always have fat asses I’m not even joking.

Aries risings, venus 10th house and cancer rising natives age so gracefully

It’s such common knowledge for Pisces moons to be lowkey drug addicts but no one ever talks about how easy it is for Virgo and Gemini moons to get addicted to substances. These moon natives are constantly in their heads and always analyzing their emotions, using drugs to shut it off

Leo mercuries talk like children when they’re excited

Having your sun at 8 degress may cause you to have an obsessive personality, especially in circumstances where your ego is involved

Suns at Virgo degrees have such small features, especially if the sun is Cancer or Aries

There’s no point on trying to hate on a Virgo moon, they hate themselves more than you ever could. And the more you try and help them with their insecurity, the more they’ll push you away. They genuinely do not believe your reassurance, they’ll ask you for it anyways though.

Leo women like to take advantage of Pisces men. I’ve seen this scenario so many times both personally and within celebrities, Leo women like the power they feel when they’re using Pisces men.

Having a Virgo moon indicates your mom was extremely nit picky with you and strict asf while you were growing up. She was a perfectionist while raising you and had higher expectations from you vs her other kids. Your mothers lowkey made you hate yourselves I’m so sorry.

Leo mercuries and mars sometimes yell when they talk and don’t even realize. Aries mercury’s know they’re yelling, they just don’t think it’s a big deal

Mars in the first house is extremely intimidating. You could be 5 foot tall and still have this scary energy.

Mars-mercury conjuct in a synastry chart is super underrated. The energy is matched so well during convos and they get each other so passionately. Things get crazy aggressive when arguments pop up though.

Scorpio suns are possessive and jealous over the people they love while taurus suns are possessive of material things and the stuff they own.

Aries mercuries will say the rudest shit to you and then say they were just being honest, but it’s true. These natives hate delusion so much and will keep you in check

Having your mercury at the 17 degrees can make you naturally dramatic when you talk or come off as louder when speaking.

Virgo 4th house natives like their home really clean

People with prominent 9th house placements value education and higher learning so much. If you want to hurt a 9th house stellium, criticize their intelligence and academic accomplishments

You can have a lot more problems with tech during mercury retrogrades when you have heavy/personal Gemini and Virgo placements.

Leo mercuries ( especially those born in the generation with Pluto in Aquarius) are you guys okay? You’ll be having one of the hardest transits for almost 20 years.

[talon-dragonbeast]

Anglocentrism in alterhuman communities: ramblings of a Spanish-speaking dragon and a cat

[original in spanish here, though i have no doubt that this version will be disseminated more widely] • [original en español aquí, aunque tengo la certeza de que esta versión se difundirá más ampliamente]

this post was originally written as part of The Sol System's Alterhuman Writing Challenge. written by @talon-dragonbeast, with the help of my sibling @watcherwingedcat. we hope you like it!

word count: 2422

This writing, which is more of a rant with myself than a proper essay, is one I've been meaning to write for a long time; ever since I first joined an online community, to be more precise. Anglocentrism, according to Wikipedia (and yes, the irony of the article not being available in Spanish is not lost to me), is "the practice of viewing the world primarily through the lens of English or Anglo-American culture, language, and values, often marginalizing or disparaging non-English-speaking or non-Anglo perspectives."

If you are monolingual and your native language is English, chances are you have never stopped to think about the advantage this gives you over those of us who are not so fortunate as to be born with the lingua franca on our lips. Yes, you may have had to study some Spanish in school, but let's be honest, very few people remember what they learn in elementary school. As an English speaker, the whole world is built for you, and it's the rest of us who have to fit your mold. Culture, scientific articles, movies, books, video games, the internet, online communities, technical language, educational videos: even in the most international spaces, everything revolves around English. Which brings me to the subject of this writing: The Alterhuman community.

My name (as I am known on the internet, at least) is Talon. I've been a member of the alterhuman community, and more specifically, the otherkin community, for a little over a year now. Otherkin (a word that comes from other, in Spanish otros; and kin, shortened form of kind, in Spanish tipo) are people who identify as nonhuman in some way. For example, I identify as a dragon (among other things), and that's what I am, even if I look human on the outside and am perceived as such. There are many reasons why someone might believe they are not human, but I'm not here to discuss that, so let's get back to the topic at hand.

Since I've been in this community, I haven't written a single post in Spanish. And not for lack of desire, nor because I am intimidated to share something as personal as my mother tongue. No, the reason is simple: The community does not exist in any language other than English. By this I don't mean that there are no non-humans outside of England or the United States, because of course there are (even if they are on other platforms like TikTok or Instagram), and I'll talk about those later. But simply put, the reason you don't see many alterhuman communities in other languages is because all the resources, the introductions, the chronologies of the (English) alterhuman community, the definitions of the terms, the terms themselves, everything is in English.

I have always been bilingual. Well, trilingual actually, although my third language is not too relevant in my day to day life and I only use it in classes or when someone starts a conversation in the language. It's hard to explain how your brain works when you speak multiple languages fluently, but basically it's like running two parallel systems at the same time, but with thoughts. I don't usually think with words, but when I do it usually happens that some of my thoughts are in Spanish, and others in English, roughly in a 50/50 ratio. Or it can also happen that I start the thought in one language, but finish it in another. Or I may try to use a specific word in English that does not have an exact translation into Spanish, so that when translated literally the sentence does not make sense. Basically, everything I write or say out loud I have to run it through several filters first, one to remove the words from the other language, one to find the words to replace them with, and one to make the sentence make sense. Sounds exhausting, doesn't it? It is. Now imagine if in order to express yourself as you really are, in order to participate in a community with beings who understand and accept you like no other, you had to basically suppress half of who you are, all the time.

The problem is not only not being able to use my native language to express myself. As I have demonstrated in the last year and a half that I have been in this community, I am fluent enough in English not only to be understood when I speak, but also to express such complicated concepts as the self, human nature, the psychology of being, and all that comes with existing as nonhuman. The real problem comes when I try to express relatively common alterhuman concepts in my native language. I'm not just talking about labels like otherkin or therianthrope, which can be adapted to Spanish with relative ease. It's the little things, the simplest things.

For example, the term shift. The word itself is already difficult to translate; during my searches, I found a glossary of terms on the Otherkin Hispano website in which they call them "desplazamientos", which... is an accurate translation, I guess, but impossible to use comfortably in everyday life. There are also terms whose definitions use expressions that simply cannot be translated into other languages. For example, otherkin and otherhearted. In English, the difference between these two terms is that otherkin means "[to] identify as" while otherhearted is "[to] identify with". But this is a purely English expression. In other languages, the distinction does not exist, or it makes no sense to use it; therefore, these terms are totally inaccessible to any international user. Or compound words like "catkin", which are difficult to express in other languages. According to Otherkin Hispano, in Spanish it would be said as is without translation, Soy catkin. But that... is not grammatically correct, since it would be mixing two languages in the same sentence. The most appropriate would be to say Soy gatokin, which sounds wrong and doesn't make sense anyway, because kin is still an English word. Or "hearttype", which in Spanish could be roughly translated as "tipo del corazón" (kind of [the] heart). When saying that you have a specific hearttype, for example "corvidhearted", one way of expressing it could be a simple Soy corvidhearted, which carries the same problems as catkin. Or you could, as Wikipedia advises, say Soy corazón de córvido ("I am heart of corvid"). I don't dislike it, to be honest, but some might find it too metaphorical or poetic.

Finally, and before reaching the conclusion, I want to dedicate a few paragraphs to talk about the alterhuman community that exists in other languages. I mentioned before these communities; that although they do exist, they are very scattered through platforms such as TikTok or Instagram, with which I am not so familiar. But since I can't talk about Anglocentrism without at least talking about the Spanish-speaking alterhuman community, I asked my sibling Watcher @watcherwingedcat what it thought about the topic. This is what they wrote:

Hi guys, I'm Watcher, and I'm here to talk a bit about the Spanish-speaking therian community, which I think is the pristine example of the hate we receive both from people outside the community and from those inside, both Spanish and South American. While this post focused more on the language barriers, I want to focus on the real consequences of this barrier, how it divides us in the way we interact with each other: The social part of this whole thing (as I already said some other time or another and some of my followers know, I am studying Social Education, so from my point of view the social part is very relevant for everything we do). As my sister already said (hi Talon!), the English community is the majority in alterhuman spaces, but, what is the Spanish-speaking community really like?

Not very large, is the answer. The term itself is not very widespread, and the community is quite small. However, after a while of searching, I found it in a little corner of the internet. When I found a community in my own language, I was excited, but my curiosity and joy were soon extinguished... When I saw the reactions to their videos and posts on tiktok mainly. They were packed with hate messages. Packed. If you think hate in the English community is bad, you are not prepared for the hate received in other communities, especially the Spanish one. This is more a matter of culture, a little bit also due to the closed mindedness in countries like Spain, Argentina, or Colombia.

In general, the non-humans of the Spanish-speaking community mostly post about quadrobics and masks. At least, I haven't seen much beyond that, and the community is mostly in tiktok. And the reception of their expression of way of being? Disgusting. To give an example of how bad the hate is, in one of the videos I found (I think it was a therian making a mask or something), humans and non-humans were insulting the therian posting the video, discussions about how we are crazy and sick in the head and should be in mental institutions... It was horrible. The worst were the death threats, even, wishing the therian to die, or hang themselves, or worse (I've even seen rape threats). Comments that said things like, "If my sister told me she was a dog I would take her clothes off and force her to sleep outside and eat animal food, if she wants to be a dog I will treat her like one." Threats of abuse, both physical and sexual... Absolutely disgusting. And the worst thing is that the tiktok platform did not remove these hate accounts, the copy and paste messages of insults, the threats....

I am proud of the Hispanic community for being so open about their identity, don't get me wrong, but there are times when it is safer to just not share that part of who we are with others, especially if you are a minor and vulnerable. That's another issue that concerns me, as I've seen people coming out to parents, siblings, friends, and them just belittling them. That, coupled with misinformation, is a recipe for disaster.

I couldn't help but notice the deep root of misinformation in the non-human community itself. They confuse definitions, the different terms, which leads them to spread even more misinformation. This I don't think is entirely their fault, or that they are so young for the most part, as I have not seen Hispanic therians over the age of 18. I think this is largely due (as Talon already mentioned) to the language difference, and the lack of translation of certain terms. In general, when talking to friends with whom I am open about my non-humanity, I use English terms. It is a little weird to use those words in English while speaking in Spanish, but I am bilingual and for now there is no solution to that. I think the Spanish community would benefit from spreading correct information, and having a platform to express themselves with their own, like tumblr is for the English community. Something my sister expands on in dreir post. As for me here I finish my little comment, I'll leave you with Talon now. Watcher out.

As a conclusion, I would like to talk about the consequences that Anglocentrism might have on non-English speaking alterhumans, and then propose some ideas on how we might begin to address (or at least mitigate) it as a community.

First of all it is the obvious; the vast majority of non-English speaking alterhumans simply never realize that they are alterhumans in the first place, on account of the language barrier. All of the resources for beings who are questioning their humanity or lack thereof are in English, so they are not accessible to people who don't understand the language; therefore, a non-English speaker would have a much harder time accessing them. Another consequence is not being able to express your alterhumanity fully, both internally and externally. Remember when I mentioned that my thoughts are evenly distributed between English and Spanish, always keeping a 50/50 ratio? Well, recently, I have noticed that when reflecting on my identity as a dragon, all my thoughts are automatically generated in English. I find this deeply shocking, as I feel that a fundamental part of my identity is being eroded. It is devastating to feel that you can only express half of who you are, suppressing what could otherwise be a complex and multifaceted identity. Not being able to express myself in my other language limits my ability to explore that part of myself.

Anglocentrism is a cycle that never ends; since all the resources are in English, no members in other languages can join, and since there are no members in other languages, all the resources that are created are in English. And while I wish I could say that I have a solution to end this Anglocentrism once and for all, unfortunately, I do not. I am only one person (dragon), and this is a problem that I alone cannot solve. True, there have been some commendable attempts by the international community (translations of writings, alterhuman blogs in languages other than English, the Eurokin server on Discord are some examples); however, these initiatives often don't often get very far because of the very nature of the community. As I have already said, most of the alterhumans are North American or English, therefore any attempt to globalize the community would be restricted by the fact that there are not many members who would be interested in this in the first place. So what can we do to change this? The answer lies in you, reader. If you have a second language, encourage yourself to create writings in it from time to time. If you come from a culture other than the mainstream, talk about how that affects your identity. If you have traditions specific to your country that you believe are alterhuman in nature, share them. And if you are part of the English-speaking majority, I invite you to contribute in a positive way through simple actions, such as listening to us when we express ourselves in other languages, recognizing that we do not all share the same culture, and keeping an open mind when discussing topics that may be unfamiliar to you. Our strength as a community lies in the diversity of our members; let's embrace it.

[daskolas]

MOON IN HOUSES

Moon is a fast moving planet. It moves from one sign to another in approx 2 days 6 hours. Moon is considered as queen in Vedic astrology. Moon shows feminine energy and represents mother.

Moon in 1st house

These individuals are very emotional

Their nature is very changing i.e they can feel anger or sadness or any other type of emotion very quickly.

They can adapt to any situation quickly. Mutable in nature.

These people are also very caring. Some of them can even cry if they see their loved one crying or going through a hard time.

Individuals with moon in 1st house can be little chubby, if not then they are prone to gain a little weight

They are romantic. They often listen to their heart rather than brain.

These are the type of people who will know how to react in what situation.

They also have etiquette. Like the type of people who have tons of table manners and all those things.

Their eyes are very pretty just like moon. However, they have weak eyesight.

They have a lot of influence of their mother on them. Their mother could also have been more dominating at home.

Moon in 2nd house

Their money is always fluctuating. Like some month they are earning a lot but next month, their income isn't as as strong

Their financial gain is also not equal. There will be tons of up and down financially.

Despite having unstable income. People with this placement tend to make a good living for themselves. It does show that individuals will earn a lot of money.

If moon is strong, then they will be attached to their family and will also get a lot of happiness from their family.

Some of them are also very scared of dressing up even though they like to as they think that people around them are judging them.

They spend a lot of money. People with this placement most often tend to fall for retail therapy.

Natives with this placement are interested in helping people. They like to do social work. Their career choice can also be effected by this.

They also very caring and want to fulfill needs of people around them. Depending on rest of the chart, they may or may not show their love and affection for others

They also have very positive view towards life.

They tend to get attached to any non-living thing.

Moon in 3rd house

They never feel satisfied. Their heart is always wishing for more and more.

Individuals with this placement cannot feel relaxed. As their mind is always wandering off. They are always thinking about different topics.

The more they desire to have a relaxed mind and heart, the more stressed they can get.

They are very hardworking. As the moon which denotes heart is in house of hardwork.

They have a lot of mood swings.

They will not have stable relationship with their mother. Their will always be love and hate in their relationship. This is because relation of 4th house is in 12th house from its position.

They will be very attached to their neighborhood and thei younger sibling. They are also prone to reminiscing their primary school life.

They are good writers. As they have a broad imagination.

People with this placement also have easy go attitude.

They want to learn about many things. They have a mind of researcher, always digging deep.

Moon in 4th house

Individuals have emotional attachment towards their mother or hone.

Individuals do not have any control over their heart. They have a hard time having some self control.

They like to stay in their comfort zone only.

They like luxurious items like jewellery or even an expensive phone

They are imaginative. If they have creative placements then they can be good in art. Given their imagination they can create something really good.

They gain security from relationships. If a relationship gets affected somehow then they can feel insecure and think they are not good enough

They are way too much dependent on their relationship with other people and materialistic items.

Person is very calm and patient. They also are very emotional.

It is believed that individuals will have a lot of assets like home, vehicles etc in their life.

You can be prone to people-pleasing.

Moon in 5th house

They will have a very close relationship with their kids. They also are attached to them and love them unconditionally.

They can have a good luck in stock market. They can even be interested in learning about different shares

They are very creative and are very interested in creative things like drawing, singing or dancing.

This placement gives a lot of curiosity. They are interested in learning about different things and expanding their knowledge.

They have a lot of empathy. They can easily put themselves in other person's show.

This is a placement that shows that the person is a great listener. They also give good advices.

Individuals with this placement are very welcoming and care a lot for other people.

These people give way too much and do not receive on that level. You should learn how to not drain yourself.

They will also be able to connect with the opposite sex more. They will also have many romantic relationship.

Their higher education will be successful. As 5th house rules it.

Moon in 6th house

They are very shy people. They also feel very hesitant to ask for things. They are the type of people who will not correct their order when they receive them wrong.

Individual is introvert

They always are thinking about past events like thinking how they could have done something differently.

They also are very indecisive. They are always weighing down different options. And even if they select one then they think about it a lot rather than moving forward with it.

They also have weak immune system. They can fall ill easily.

They will always their enemies on their mind. Which will have effect on their mental health. They will also be thinking about their competitors and enemies.

They can have a strained relationship with their mother or have some kind of childhood problem in any way.

Their mother can work in the service industry like a nurse, caregiver etc.

Individual worries a lot. They are most of the time overthinking about different scenarios which can effect their mental health.

CW: MENTION OF INFERTILITY

They can have problems with kids like they can be infertile.

(credits: @flickr on Pinterest)

Moon in 7th house

Spouse will be very emotional and romantic

They will have a lot of influence of their mother on them.

They are prone to mood swings.

They will also be good looking. They will also have kind looking eyes.

Individual will know how to talk with people. They will know how to work the crowd.

Individual will know what to say and when to say it. They will be socially intelligent.

Individuals can be good at handling daily issues. Whether it is work related or household related, they can handle tasks easily.

You could pursue a profession related to business, legal field, marketing etc. You will also be able to excel in your career. As this placement is considered lucky

You are loyal to your partner. You will put your whole energy into anything, it doesn't matter if it is work or relationships. (Negative result if the moon is weak)

If the moon is strong then they will be emotionally intelligent, however if it is weak then the result will be the opposite.

Moon in 8th house

People with this placement are incredibly sensitive to the environment

They also are mysterious regarding their studies or they like studying occult subjects. They are deeply interested in topics which you do not read about in daily life.

They also are incredibly good in hiding their feelings. As moon is weak in this house, therefore they are not able to express what they are feeling.

They also are deep thinker. They want to understand why a person reacts in a way they do.

Many people with this placement have high libido

This position also indicates that the person is not good with kids or they are not interested in having them.

They also are interested in researching things. Many people of this placement also tend to he interested in getting PhD.

People with this placement are also not able to handle themselves emotionally. They feel too much inside

Many people with this placement do not talk much. They are very silent and also prefers to stay in a quiet environment

They are very hardworking and will do anything to achieve success.

Moon in 9th house

Individual will be religious. They will also travel to many religious places.

People with this placement put a lot of effort for succeeding which also increases their chances of being popular

They are interested in philosophy a lot. They like to share their experience or hear other's experience.

They will get benefit from their mother

They will have influence of their teacher for their entire life.

They also are more logical. They like to live their life in a certain structure and only work according to it.

As, this placement is neutral so the native will have many up and down in their life.

Many of them also tend to be philanthropists.

They are peace loving individuals who will avoid conflict at any cost. Many of them also have trouble confronting people.

They do really well in their higher studies. And they may also want to travel to another city/country to get a certain degree

Moon in 10th house

This isn't considered good placement as the person will be constantly changing their profession. They will go from one job to another or will change their business fastly

It'll be good for their career, if they can get into a profession through which they can travel.

Their will be tons of up and down in career. It will not be stable

Individual wants to work. They like to put all the efforts in their work

They get satisfied from their work itself. They are also perfectionist

Individual's father is very caring. He will also care a lot about native. Father or their mother in law will have soft nature like nurturing, calm, patient. They don't hurt other people with their words.

Same as their father, people with this placement are also caring and nurturing

They like learning about new things. They want to gain as much as knowledge they can. And may want to become "jack of all trades but master of none."

They also want to present themselves in a certain way. And when they do not they may start feeling anxious or insecure

A person is also able to connect with many influential people in their life which can help them bring closer to their goal

Moon in 11th house

Person will do only those things which they think they will get benefit. They won't learn anything which will not benefit them

They even put efforts in those relationships only which will be fruitful or if they can get something from the person in return

They will have a good relationship with their elder siblings. They will even get benefit from them like they can give them advices or anything.

They can understand easily from where the other person is coming from. They see two sides of the coin. Therefore, they can be good mediator

Individuals are extroverts. They like to socialise with other people a lot. They also know how to network

This is a placement which also works as a wish fulfilling placement. If they really desire something then they can manifest it

They will also feel happy and more content with themselves when they will spend more time in social environment

They will feel like they are good at many things so what exactly to pursue. This can make them feel anxious about their future

People with this placement are also very imaginative and dreamy. They have big dreams for their future

People with this placement are not the most emotionally stable

Moon in 12th house

Person will have trouble sleeping. They also tend to develop insomnia.

They can have trouble in their left eye. Or their eyesight is weak.

They will also have to go through a lot of emotional difficulties. They can face many issues which can make their emotions heightened.

They also have to go through loneliness in their childhood. They tend to be ostracized by their peers or even family members.

They tend to have strained relationship with their mother. There will be some distance between them or they will not get any support from her.

They tend to have a really hard time in earning fame.

They hide their feelings from other people. They don't express themselves much which can lead to emotional outburst.

Many people with this placement tend to have prophetic dreams. They can foresee the future or have really good intuition

They have problems with depression, anxiety, fainting etc.

This position also indicates that the native has weak memory or suffer from some mental problems.

[dollycxre]

Fem Mortal Reader x Yandere Hestia, but the reader isn't a pushover.

:)

yandere! Hestia x fem! mortal! Reader - ♡ general hcs

warnings -> none....it's hestia...actually, slight clinginess??

paring/s -> yandere! Hestia x mortal! fem! reader (gender of the reader isn't mentioned or relevant tbh)

a/n -> rising from my grave to finish this

————————————————————

-> meeting her as a mortal means that you're probably gonna meet her in your fireplace

-> the most likely scenario is that you had just faced one of the worst heartbreaks in your life— losing a family member, a regular breakup, whatever

-> Hestia, being who she is, would probably not be able to bear the sight of someone in pain, guiding the fire to warm you up, flames flickering up towards you as if in a comforting manner

-> her presence is a very comforting and homely feeling and when she concentrates on a particular hearth, her power increases tenfold

-> probably resulting in you dozing off in a cozy armchair, fast asleep like your world hadn't just come crashing down around you

-> she watches you sleep so peacefully (but like- in a non creepy way)

-> she keeps on at it for a while, watching you do your daily chores for a while, admiring you from a safe distance and slowly falling for you

-> I don't think Hestia would even bother trying to disguise herself as a regular human to you, she just pops up in your fireplace one day and shyly starts a conversation

-> Depending on your reaction, she'd either cool you down or happily continue your conversation like literally nothing ever happened

-> I'm not gonna go into details but she'd win you over pretty damn quickly and starts dating you as soon as possible

(now for some domestic fluff...cuz it's hestia)

-> I have this headcanon that because Hestia is the goddess of family, she'd know all the best picnic spots

-> like you cannot tell me that she wouldn't know the most gorgeous cliffside overlooking a sea view in the world and take you there as a date

-> she likes baking for you because she adores how your face lights up when she makes you those cookies you love so much

-> she already knows your allergies and taste in food so don't even bother telling her, she's already got the best recipes she has set in mind :)

-> she likes taking you on peaceful walks with her while she's disguised as a human

-> watching all the different people walk by with their dogs, significant others, etc, etc makes her very happy

-> she'll point out to you all the small, gorgeous details your eyes might've missed

->she wants to show you the beauty of the world you live in!

-> definitely takes you to visit her favourite places in greece

->dresses up like a local that the people know well by now and takes you to her favourite parts of her homeland <3

->wants you to try all the native food, 100%

->when it comes to the issue of her being an immortal goddess and you being a regular ol mortal with a short life span (compared to her anyway), she'll try to convince you to let her feed you nectar

->obviously, you say something along the lines of 'fuck no'

->she's devastated when you abandon her at the table in the restaurant she took you to, to run away

->keeps popping up in the hearth whenever you light your fire (only for you to extinguish the flames with water)

->she finally gets you to have a normal, healthy conversation with her when she catches you off guard while you're napping by the fireplace

->would probably end with a compromise (somehow) that she'd make your closest friends and family immortal with you so that you'd all be able to live together

->after that, your relationship is pretty much smooth sailing

->Hestia isn't a very possessive or jealous person and she usually communicates that she's uncomfortable when she is

->cuz, y'know...she's actually sane (unlike the rest of her siblings and nephews and nieces)

->adopts an animal with you, a hundred percent <3

->likes cuddling you in her hearth, because it's so warm and cozy that you always end up falling asleep on her chest

->and she likes that :)

->takes you up to Olympus because she isn't scared of someone else taking you away

->none of the gods would even try because who would want to make Hestia upset? (especially cause it's mostly out of fondness, rather than terror *cough cough* Athena *cough cough*)

->anyway, she's probably one of the best girlfriends in the world <3

->can't and doesn't marry you because of her vow, but gives you a promise ring and lets you give her one if you really wanted to <3

->mostly just overly clingy, staying by your side whenever she can and hearth-hopping to wherever you go— work, out with friends, etc

BONUS!

-> she leaves you with Aphrodite if she's busy, because Aphrodite thinks you're adorable and always spends her time with you helping her doves make you all pretty for Hestia, Cinderella's fairy godmother style :)

[deadghosy]

Slytherin boys react to their little sibling tripping in their dorm:

Warning: Google translated Italian, swearing, fluff, young 1st year! Reader

Ft. Tom Riddle, Mattheo Riddle, Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott, Lorenzo Berkshire.

The Riddle Brothers

When you tripped over their cloaks, which you wanted to wear. You fell on your hand and knees as mattheo seen this and laughed.

Tom was still reading, but his eyebrows were narrowed down as he heard mattheo laugh.

“Cmon kid get up.” Mattheo says moving over to you, but when you started to sniffle Mattheo felt his heart break at his poor little sibling. He frowned moving closer to you.

Before mattheo could pick you up, Tom had already appeared off the bed to you. Picking you up as you clung to him, Mattheo starts to laugh.

“So when I fall, you don’t treat me like that.” Mattheo says, trying to tease his brother.

“That’s because it’s normal for an idiot like you to fall dear brother.” Tom says sitting on the bed with you on his lap. You had stopped crying as you are embarrassed for even crying in the first place.

After that you were banned from wearing their cloaks.

Draco Malfoy

He’s surprisingly soft with you, he doesn’t care if you were a little older than a 1st year

You are his baby🙁💗

He picks you up with ease as he tries to see if you are harmed or not.

“Are you okay sweetheart?” “You didn’t hurt your hand now did you?”

You tried not to cry as you are a malfoy, but Draco can tell.

“It’s okay to cry love, it’s just me.” And then you started to cry a bit

Theodore Nott

When you tripped on your own cloaks, readying to tell your brother good morning, you cried as the pain on your hands hurt.

Theodore with messy bed hair got up really quickly, nearly falling himself as he picks you up.

“No, no, no no no. Cmon non piangere tesoro. Non piangere.” You sniffled as you heard him speak the native language you both spoke. ( don’t cry honey. Don’t cry)

It ended up with him making sure your cloaks were trimmed to your perfect size.

Every time you cry or are injured, he breaks into big brother mode immediately. Holding you as if you were a baby all over again

You are his baby💕

Lorenzo Berkshire

Immediately picks you up.

Doesn’t matter where it happened to time.

He’s picking you up and helping whatever you injured when you tripped.

He would start to overthink things for what reasons did you trip for.

“Was it my cloaks? I’ll make sure they don’t drag on the ground.” “Was it their cloak? Damnit! I should’ve known to make sure they trimmed it.”

Just pure love for you

[777rare]

☀️SOLAR RETURN CHART OBSERVATIONS (PT.1)

Disclaimer :

DO NOT READ FURTHUR IF YOU ARE A MINOR!!

⚠️!TRIGGER WARNING!⚠️

THIS CONTAINS MENTIONING OF seggs,De@th, abu$e, bl0od,alc0hol, dru*gs,so please scroll if ur under 18+ and uncomfortable to read this content!

THESE NOTES ARE ONLY A STUDY OF MINE AND HAS/HAS NOT BEEN PROVEN YET, SO IF IT DOES NOT RESONATE WITH YOU, FORGIVE ME AS IT WAS ONLY A STUDY/OBSERVATION OF MINE.

I DO NOT PLAGIARIZE, COPY OR REWORD ANY OF MY FELLOW ASTROLOGY OBSERVERS POSTS AND I DEMAND THE SAME IN RETURN

Having Pluto in 12th house makes the native fantasize a lot about sex. Can also make the native go through a huge spiritual transformation.

•••

Signs/planets in 12th house can show the frequent dreams you get when you sleep/what you fantasize about that year. (Also check which house is pisces over and check the planets under that sign or in that house.)

⬇️If these planets are placed in 12h/planets placed in pisces or 12h aspecting other planets(check the subjects of other planets as well if it's aspects by the planet in 12h) /under pisces or in the house pisces is over then the things you get in ur dream are :

SUN- light,happiness,fun,kids,celebrities,art,father,pregnancy

MOON- mother,water,home,emotional,waterbodies,beach

MERCURY- garden,pets,work,phones,books,siblings,technology,neighborhood,neighbours,school,friends,trees,greenery,nature

VENUS- money,food,luxuries,fashion,music,art,business,beauty,crush,lovers

MARS- war,abuse,death,nightmares,fire,blood,fighting,sex

JUPITER- college,trevelling,foreign place,exploring,teachers,ancestors,the divine,your guides

SATURN- public,elderly people,chains,traps,cages,prison,grandparents,parents

URANUS- technology,friends,surprises,rebellion,adventure,wings,angels,flying

NEPTUNE- Drugs,alcohol,fantasy world,unclear,mirrors,water,mystical stuff,escapism,feet

PLUTO- sex,intimacy,death,wealth,secrets,jealousy,pregnancy,nightmares,blood,sinister,murder,weapons

CHIRON- things related to your trauma,healing,could show hospitals,forests,nature,ancestors

Suppose you don't have any planets under pisces/in 12th house, Types of dreams can also be seen by which house pisces is over. Ex: having pisces over 5th house, 5th house ruler is sun so the types of dreams you get are all the subjects that are mentioned in sun⬆️ also check which planets that house ruler is aspecting, ex: pisces being over 5th house, ruler is sun so if sun is aspecting moon in SR chart, the types of dreams you get are all the subjects that are mentioned in moon.🙌🏻🌙

•••

Mars in 4rth house/cancer natives can have a very tough time in their family life. Can also show lots of abuse or wounds connecting to your emotions. Family members or you can get pissed off on eachother often and most of the times for no reason at all. Lots of fights and arguments with family members. Anger outbursts. Mood swings. Short temper. Not wanting to be around or not feeling comfortable around family members, especially male family members like your brother, father, etc.💥🔥

•••

YOUR ASCENDANT IN SR CHART IS HOW YOU PRESENT YOURSELF/WHAT AURA YOU EMIT/HOW YOU LOOK

Ascendant in fixed signs- being seen as /appearing :-

AQUARIUS- independent,aloof,cold,unordered,a rebel,unbothered,distant,unapproachable

LEO- boastful,confident,firey,active,angry

TAURUS- sensual,serious,bad bitch,charming

SCORPIO- mysterious,secretive,sexual,emotional,alluring,captivating,dark energy

---

Ascendant in cardinal signs- being seen as /appearing :-

LIBRA- beautiful,graceful,sweet,approachable,kind,popular

CAPRICORN- pissed,unapproachable,sensual,bossy,stubborn

ARIES- confident,outgoing,energetic, a fighter

CANCER- soft,loving,sweet,kind,trustworthy,emotional,caring,non judgemental

---

Ascendant in mutable signs- being seen as /appearing :-

GEMINI- supportive,casual,charming,mesmerizing,free spirited,two-faced

VIRGO- helpful,organized,pretty,charming

SAGITTARIUS- playful,fun-going, jolly,flirt,hot

PISCES- sensitive,soft,day dreaming,ethereal,fairy, a fantasy

This also applies to the MC but it's how others see you.ex: having Taurus MC, then sensual,serious,bad bitch and charming I'd how others see me.

•••

Check the sign and planet over/in your 11th house..that's how you view friendships, communication and your future this year. It can also how your friendships are this year.

Ex: Capricorn over/saturn in 11th house - you could be more serious or mature when it comes to making friends. Can also show you love feeling independent or being alone on your own feet from friendships. Like you know, you feel like you don't need friends cuz you feel really independent. Not saying you'll have no friends at all. You will have friends but you crave independence from them. You dont want to depend on friends anymore. You can also be really serious about your future this year. Can be different if other planets are seated there too.

•••

Always check if fama in in conjunction with personal planets. It can show exposure of that topic to the public or surroundings. Ex: I have fama conjunct moon last year and my emotional life got exposed because of myself due to some addiction issues and I told everything to the whomever spoke to me, I was like unconsciously spilling everything without even myself knowing.its messed up but yes, teachers, friends, most of the people know about my emotions now. I just hate it. And I'm okay now though. No more addiction🙌🏻

•••

where scorpio is in your chart can tell you what do you get deeper into, have a deeper connection with or even have a deep curiosity to find out things in that area of your life, also powerful intense areas of your life that year (check which house it's over, planets under the sign)

Ex: I have scorpio over 9th house this year and I have a deep curiosity to learn about my ancestors, gods and goddesses, history, ditties, guides. I feel powerful in the areas of my ancestors, connecting with God's. Discovering dark knowledge of spirituality like witchcraft,etc.

•••

Check where your capricorn is seated in your chart, which house it's over can show the area of your life, you are more independent, serious or structured. Even formal, authoritative and responsible.

•••

Where your virgo is in your chart can show where you're picky, perfectionist, not easily convinced.

Hope you all enjoyed today's post! Have a great day ahead!🏝💓

Feel free to reblog and tag me when you do❤🙌🏻

[janesgms]

Astro notes - 01

✨️ General Edition ✨️

Fire women look like goddesses in red. they're fine as fuck in red hair, red lipstick, red clothes, just red red red red (do it paint your hair red ❤)

Fire placements tend to eat while drinking water, and feel energetically refreshed by the water in general. They literally feel like they're reborn when they get out of the shower lol

If you have moon conjunct south node (or other personal planets maybe) in your venus persona chart, you probably will meet and even marry with a past life lover!

If you have personal planets in aries and sagittarius in water houses, you are as intuitive and spiritual as people with water personal planets, or even more than them

If they also have south node conjuncting personal planets, they will have many insights in past lives in general, they can tell you so many details to you, it's amazing

I love you so much people with personal planets in the 12th house, you are in my heart and you're very special <3

Every gemini needs a sagittarius in their lives and vice-versa, bitch we're soulmates (also every virgo needs a libra and vice-versa)

I've noticed married couples usually have the same moon or moon conjunct venus, or even both! So cute

If you feel emotionally connected to someone and you don't have the same moon sign, check your moon persona chart because you probably have their moon sign in it

Aquarius venus natives love so hard when they truly fall in love, but if this person break their hearts they will never look in their face again

Having the same vertex and north node as someone is a clear fated connection. the vertex feels like you'll always meet no matter what, the nn feels like you'll have the same journey in life. both will always share a deep knowledge with each other

What's up with 12th house synastry and this dreamy deja vu life you feel all the time when you're in love with them? I already understood we're connected universe, you can stop now...

Cancer rising men 👨‍👩‍👦 🤝 💏 women with 4th house placements. (in case you didn't understand, they want to have a family together and have such a nurturing love for each other)

Mars in 1st house in a platonic relationship will make the house person be personally annoyed by everything the mars does but deeply find it funny, and the mars will love to annoy the house (it's giving siblings/cousins vibes)

Actually moon conjunct ascendant in a friendship with two females will make them both see themselves in each other, but this will make them uncomfortable because they both think they're better than the other person. Usually the moon person wants to try a friendship but the ascendant person doesn't give a f or just finds the ascendant person too childish or annoying

If you're deeply and unconscioulsy afraid of water is not because you have 12th house/pisces placements specifically, it could be, but you probably died drowned in one of your lives

Don't think you don't have past lives connections just because isn't a personal planet conjuncting your south node in synastry, it could be any planet or calculation point, pr even asteroids, they're also important

Having moon conjunct placements double whammy in a friendship is an amazing thing to have and this friendship will probably last for a looong time (for ex: person A has moon conjunct person B's mars and person B has moon conjunct person A's jupiter)

Venus conjunct mars in aries in a composite chart is that couple that the chemistry never ends, they will always be on fire, burning for each other 🔥🔥 (specially if they also have earth placements)

If one of the angles conjunct your south node in synastry, it means you both still have business to solve in this lifetime, because it is also aspecting the north node

If someone's juno conjunct your south node in a platonic relationship, this person helped you to find your husband/wife in a past life, or just helped you two to get together

If it's a non platonic relationship, this person could be your husband or wife in a past life

12th house synastry in a non platonic relationship 🤝 both having the same intense dreams with each other at the same time. Also, if you're the planet person, it's easier for you to manifest the house person to dream of you!!

8th and 12th house synastry in a platonic relationship will cause conversations so interesting and spiritual, find a friend with these characteristic if you love these type of conversations

Is not that vedic astrology is more right than the western astrology, I think you just didn't look at the persona charts to get a better insight in your placements, do it sis please

People with a developed taurus mars or other placements have such a healthy relationship with food. If they also have a 6th house stellium they will really care for their body and health in general

If you have leo personal placements, you probably had a bad relationship with your hair when you were little

People with 6th house stellium + sagittarius placements have beautiful skin on their legs and body in general (fairer than in the face 😭) and get compliments a lot but also suffer from skin diseases if bad aspected

Moon conjunct ascendant is a good synastry aspect for non platonic relationships 💕

Look at the venus in your mars persona chart, you probably have a great chemistry with people who have the venus or mars on this sign in their natal! (for ex: person A has aquarius venus in their mars pc and person B is an aquarius venus in natal)

You probably feel weirdly attracted to the ethnicities you've had in your past lives.

North node conjunct descendant (in a platonic relationship): the nn person will help descendant person to get together with their husband in a way depending on the sign. ex: if it's in aquarius, it's through social media and probably a long distance relationship

South node conjunct ascendant: past life connection for sure!!!

That's it for now, have a great day guys! I'm so happy today... I'm sorry if I focused too much on past lives but I learned so much about it and I was really excited to share it here 💖 I'll probably be uptading this post sometimes

[auncyen]

one scene that's been on my mind for like a week and I'm not sure if will make to final draft or not

-

"Vaugarde's requirements for citizenship are quite relaxed compared to other countries. No doubt they'd welcome one of the Saviors with open arms." Odile looks to the side. "And, well, we could look into other countries as we travel. Poteria is a bit stricter, but I think still a possibility. Ka Bue, too, if you like it."

"...I thought gaining Ka Buan citizenship was really hard?" you ask, puzzled. "I've only heard of one way for becoming a citizen."

Odile's cheeks darken. "Well...I didn't expect you to already know that, but...yes, there's only one way you could become a Ka Buan citizen. I'd be willing to...Siffrin? What are you making that face for?"

Are you making a face?? Oh no, oh no, you're going to upset her, but how can you NOT make a face when she's proposing-- "O, Odile, I'm flattered, but--"

Odile's eyes widen. "Siffrin, wait--"

"I can't marry you??"

"WHAT," Isa booms, and the table rattles when his hands slap down on it in surprise. Bonnie jumps; Mira squeaks. "M'DAME?!! YOU?!"

"THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS PROPOSING," Odile yells before pointing a finger at Isabeau. "YOU. CALM YOURSELF."

Isa folds his arms and sits back in his chair with a pout. He's...sulking???

....Wait, does Isa like Odile? Like that? They do go out drinking together every so often, but... that doesn't seem right. He called her Mom once. The whole idea makes you feel weird. But then why is he sulking?

"Gems alive," Odile sighs. "The one way for a non-native to gain Ka Buan citizenship is to become part of a Ka Buan family. So if we're going to get into the specific methods of joining a family, there are, in fact, two ways. The first is marriage, which. No. Absolutely not."

Absolutely not!!! You nod firmly.

"Though I am curious, Siffrin, as to why you 'can't' marry me?"

There is a very pointed eyebrow pointing your way. You try not to sound too nervous as you answer, "Well, it'd just--it'd be weird, wouldn't it?!" She said it herself! Absolutely not!

"...Fair enough. Isabeau's already made it very clear he wouldn't give us his blessing." Odile glances sidelong at Isabeau, a smirk tugging at one corner of her mouth. Isa's face is wine-dark as he tries to shrink into his chair, which looks silly with him being such a big guy. "The second method and what I��meant is adoption."

"But you don't want to be a mom," Bonnie says, confused.

Odile pulls a face. "Which makes it very fortunate Siffrin is an adult who doesn't need a mother. Adult adoption is usually used to navigate inheritance issues, but I think this would be an apt use for it. Both my parents were travelers... perhaps in my own travels, I heard rumors or had some chance encounter and found the half-sibling I never knew existed before. And thus, I decided to correct the family registry to include them."

"...I don't look a thing like you," you say. "Do I look like either of your parents??? At all???"

Odile lets out a sharp laugh. "Oh, no, not one bit. But we don't need to prove any blood relation for an adoption--that's just what I'd tell the nosier neighbors, to see them try to work that out."

You can't help laughing at that explanation. Odile's younger sibling, helping her annoy pesky neighbors...you don't think you'd mind that at all. It sounds great. It sounds wonderful.

[kybercrystals94]

Come Back (ch. 1)

Read here on Ao3!

Whumptober 2024 - Day 12 - Prompts: Underground Caverns // "Just a little more"

Rated: T | Words: 573 | CW: non-graphic mentions of blood and injury.

Next Chapter>>

A/N: This fic is for @fionas-frenzy, because she mentioned a Tech-Lives fic yesterday, and I just had to make it happen. Also, yes, another Tech-Lives fic, because denial isn't just a river in Egypt, ya know??

It won’t be the fall that kills him. 

Although, that certainly did not help matters. 

Tech holds the shattered remains of his comm, cupped in trembling hands. Entirely irreparable without proper replacement parts. His pack is gone too. If he rests long enough, perhaps he can garner enough strength to find it. Or what’s left of it. Find something. 

He is not optimistic.

Strangely, the first loss that seems to trigger an emotional response is his goggles. It is less their importance to him, and more that they are the final straw placed on an already precarious situation. He is frustrated to find himself brought to tears as he pulls them from his bloodied face. 

Because he is bloody. There is blood everywhere. Head wounds have the unfortunate tendency to appear far worse than is necessarily accurate. He tries to find comfort in that, but it is threadbare and flimsy. Hardly worth considering. 

The goggles slip from his hand, falling amongst the wreckage of the railcar. He is not sure how he survived. It all seems surreal. The pain, the circumstances, the depravity of the whole situation. They’d lost their chance to find Crosshair. He sacrificed himself to give the remainder of his siblings a chance, fragile as it might be. He hopes they do not squander it. He hopes they get away. 

He hopes they are not foolish, and try to come back for him. 

He hopes they do.  

Sucking in a shaky breath, Tech knows he has to move. He cannot remain here. The Empire will come to scour the wreckage, find salvageable parts. Maybe even try to find him, or what is left of him. 

He moves to get up, tries to push himself to his feet, but his strength has abandoned him, pain excruciating. He only manages to draw himself up enough to crawl. And so he does. He is his only chance of survival, he only needs to put himself out of reach. 

His brothers will not come back for him. 

His brothers will think he is dead. 

Afterall, no one could survive such a fall. 

It is only logical. 

Please, come back. 

He finds an opening in the ground. An underground cavern. Cavern might be a generous description. He debates the likelihood that it is a dwelling for some sort of ferocious creature. He cannot remember what sort of animals are native to this planet. He knows he looked it up. He and Omega had discussed the likelihood of running into such things. The odds were low. What was it? 

Another defeated sound escapes him. He arranges himself, every movement agonizing, to descend boots first. It is a slight descent, easily manageable, even in his broken state. It is dark, but he is not afraid of the dark. He is alone, but he is not afraid of being alone. That is not entirely true. He does not have a memory of ever being truly alone. Not like this. Never like this. 

I don’t want to die like this. 

He knows he is hidden now. He just needs to rest. Close his eyes. Sleep for a moment. Maybe his mind will be clearer when he wakes. Maybe he can find a way home. Home to his brothers and his sisters. He never thought of them as home before, but it makes sense now. 

He isn’t ready to leave them yet. He just needs a little more time, yet.

END

A/N:

I might do something more with this story. Maybe. Possibly.

But if I don't, here's a spoiler: Tech does survive and he does find his family again. I promise! This fic might end hopelessly, but the greater picture is hope 🥲

Let me know if you'd like to be added to my tag list!

Tag List: @followthepurrgil @amorfista @mooncommlink @arctrooper69 @proteatook @ezras-left-thumb @maeashryver @baddest-batchers @laughhardrunfastbekindsblog @omegafett99 @heidnspeak @fionas-frenzy @royallykt

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

Touched

Summer of Bad Batch 2024 | Week 13 | Prompt: "Stop touching me! / I'm not touching you!"

Summary: Tech has nerves of steel - well, most of the time. POV: Tech Rating: G (Word Count: 989)

Read on Ao3

            Tech felt something brush across his neck before a weight settled on his shoulder, and he sighed in annoyance.

            He and his squadmates were on their third assignment since graduating and being sent out to the field, and while all of them had gone through plenty of simulations to prepare them for survival in wilderness areas, this jungle planet in particular had made Wrecker more than a little jumpy – especially at night. And of course Wrecker somehow always ended up sleeping right next to Tech when not on watch duty, no matter how often Tech rearranged things when they set up camp for the night…

            “Wrecker,” he hissed in an undertone, “would you kindly refrain from touching… Oh.”

            Having turned his head to look at his shoulder, he cut himself off mid-sentence upon finding it was not the weight of Wrecker’s hand that he was feeling.

            Wrecker snorted sleepily. “What’d I do now?” he whined softly, clearly only half awake.

            Tech gingerly reached up to coax the creature onto his other hand before holding it up close to his goggled eyes for study. This must be what the natives called a tero spider, one of the species of Theraphosidae he had read about when researching the squad’s assignment. These in particular were non-venomous arachnids and by all accounts quite docile, though large and frightening enough in appearance that Tech knew Wrecker would never be able to sleep for the duration of the mission if he knew these could be scuttling around the campsite.

            “Nothing, Wrecker,” Tech replied as he tapped his goggles to capture some recordings of the creature now sitting contentedly in his hand. “Go back to sleep.”

            ***

            Tech, eyes narrowed in concentration as he studied his datapad while making his way along the path leading down to the shore, stopped when a hand gripped his arm, and gave a long-suffering sigh.

            To help Shep and the engineers on Pabu plan out the rebuilding efforts, Tech, Hunter, Wrecker, and Omega had volunteered to scope out the extent of the damage the tidal wave had wrought on the docks and shoreline properties, with Phee opting to join them. Tech was well accustomed to the friendly punches on the shoulder Wrecker was wont to give him whenever Wrecker became overly enthusiastic or wanted to emphasize a point or draw Tech’s attention to something, and normally this didn’t bother Tech; but with all the recent excitement of being on Pabu and meeting so many new people, Wrecker had felt the need to emphasize and bring attention to so many things that Tech had just about reached his limit with his brother touching him.

            “What is it now, Wrecker… Oh,” he broke off in confusion as he looked up to discover it was Phee who was resting her hand on his forearm.

            He was suddenly grateful he hadn’t acted on the impulse to step back and shake off what he had thought was his brother’s grip, though it currently felt like his heart had leaped into his throat – a most peculiar sensation.

            “What’d’cha say, Tech?” Wrecker now asked as he came up from behind with Omega and Hunter.

            “Nothing,” Tech returned automatically as his siblings stepped around him to forge ahead on the path leading to the right. He now recognized he was feeling the same sudden rush of startled adrenaline he had felt forty-two hours ago when Phee had touched his shoulder while giving him the coordinates to Pabu; the fact that he had had the same reaction every time Phee had been in physical contact with him was a pattern lending to his current hypothesis that he felt more deeply about Phee than just as one of his family’s allies…

            “Something wrong?” Phee queried, raising one brow at him.

            “No,” he said, realizing he was in a quandary: he desperately wanted to move but instinctively knew that if he did, she would break contact, and so here he remained, frozen in place.

            “Okay then, just wanted to let you know we’re supposed to be heading this way,” she said, gesturing with her other hand to indicate that Tech had been about to take the wrong path. “You’re gonna get yourself lost with your attention on that datapad all the time,” she added with a small smile.

            His racing heart and the nervous heat building within him would soon manifest in a blush if he didn’t compose himself soon, and that would be humiliating. Research, constructing devices, and sharing his knowledge were the main non-combat areas in which he felt most comfortable; since there was nothing to engineer at the moment and Phee seemed to think he should put down the datapad for now, that left talking as his best option.

            “Since this datapad is equipped with various navigation and positioning systems, it would be nearly impossible to get lost while using it. Besides, all clones have an excellent sense of direction – it is part of our bioengineering.”

            Phee rolled her eyes at him but still smiled as she stepped away, letting her hand drop from his arm – to both his great relief and disappointment.

            Well, at least he could move now… though he found himself wondering when, if ever, he would be daring enough to initiate physical contact with her outside of life-and-death situations like tidal waves…

            “Are you suggesting I don’t know where we should be going?” Phee was saying lightly.

            “Well,” he said, still desperately trying to recover from the feeling that he had just had his feet knocked out from under him, “given that you are much better acquainted with the layout of this island than I am, I am inclined to follow your lead.”

            Phee chuckled now. “Let’s stick together, then, shall we?” she said, playfully shouldering him before starting back down the path.

            He was finally feeling more settled, though he couldn’t hide a small smile as he matched her pace. “Indeed we shall.”

@summer-of-bad-batch

[milliesfishes]

౨ৎ꣑ৎImpossible౨ৎ꣑ৎ

(requested)(@kayleigh--23) [fem reader] contains: slow burn, angst, death, depression, fire, mentions of sexual assault, non-consensual touch, abandonment, jealousy, mentions of violence, childhood friends to lovers, reader's nickname is 'Daisy'. pairing: billy the kid x fem reader summary: you and billy grew up together, and when he skips town, you're devastated. tragedy throws the two of you together again, and you're forced to confront your longtime feelings for him. author’s note: I switched up the timeline to work a little better with the story and the ages/stats may not be quite show-accurate but oh such is life. There's a little bit of Spanish in here that is not google translated, but I am not a native speaker so be warned. Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

For as long as you could remember, you'd been counted as one of the boys.

Your older brother Joe was the only sibling you had, and in the town the two of you grew up there weren't many options for friends your age. Most of the girls around those parts were socialites in training that were far older than you and the boys teased you too much, so you usually wound up going wherever your brother did.

Joe had an easygoing nature, and naturally he got on well with an abundance of the boys his age, both as a child and a young man. But his best friend by far was Billy, a dark-haired Irish immigrant who you'd known ever since his family moved to town. He and you had bonded at first over your respective brothers having the same name, then over riding and horses.

When you were younger you often tagged along when Billy and Joe would go off to play their games, and neither of them minded you. You usually kept to yourself anyways, playing games of silent make believe with pretty rocks you'd find along the trails. Sometimes they'd rope you into whatever they were doing, and you obliged, just happy to be a part of the fun.

As you all got older, Billy and Joe's games turned into handling guns, and you learned too, since your circles were so limited. You'd spend hours in the sun shooting cans off fence posts. It was a freeing thing- to be out there in the wilderness and not worry about what you should or shouldn't be doing.

The girls in town would poke fun at you for hanging out with boys but you paid them no mind for the most part. You'd take your worries over theirs any day.

The years were spent climbing trees and hopping fences to steal apples, always laughing, always content. You felt that you wanted for nothing. You had a father and brother who loved you, and a friend in Billy. What more could you possibly need?

Billy was over at your house for dinner a few times a week, laughing and joking with you and Joe like he'd been born into it. Your father was fond of him as well, treating him like one of his own. And you always thought of him like that too, like another brother, just as good as Joe.

But when you were sixteen and Billy was seventeen, something switched.

Joe was off doing something for your father, so it was just you and Billy that evening. He'd suggested riding since it was sunny out for the first time in a while, the rain having taken up a great deal of the springtime. You'd agreed and off the two of you went, exploring the prairie with the vigor only the young possess.

"Think you can race me to that tree?" you asked, nodding at it on a hill in the distance.

"You bet, but don't cry when ya lose Daisy." He called you by your nickname, grinning as he did. As a child you'd been obsessed with the little white flowers, picking them and putting them everywhere. He'd started calling you by that name and hadn't stopped.

"You wish!" Tugging on your horse's reins, you were off, the wind in your hair, a rush of adrenaline shooting through you as you kept your eyes on the horizon. Billy was fast, but you liked to think you were faster. You'd been riding this horse since you were young.

Easily you reached the tree before he did, and he groaned good naturedly, hopping off his horse and tying the reins to a low branch. You were about to do the same when he suddenly reached up, grabbing you around the waist, hauling you off the horse and spinning you around. You squealed in surprise and he stumbled, sending the two of you rolling down the hill. You tumbled together, shrieking with laughter as you reached the bottom.

He did the gentlemanly thing and made sure you landed on top of him, your face buried in his chest as you laughed.

"Well, I know you won but I damn sure didn't lose," he laughed, one of his arms landing on your back.

And in that moment, when you looked up, hair in your face, and saw Billy's bright blue eyes piercing yours, it hit you.

You loved him.

He reached over to tuck a strand behind your ear and your heart fluttered, a little smile growing. "I dunno, I think seeing your face when you tripped was the best prize of all."

He laughed and sat up, giving you a nudge with his shoulder. "I guess we're both winners then."

Then he stood up, offering you a hand. You took it, the feeling of his warm fingers making your stomach flip. He held your hand as you walked back up the hill, and you tied your horse on the same branch as his so the two of you could sit in the shade of a tree. You let him talk aimlessly, distracted by your new discovery.

Suddenly you were noticing how handsome he was, how his hair fell in little curls on his forehead, how his skin was slightly tanned with a freckle here and there, how his smile was endearingly just a little crooked. And his eyes, the color of a clear sky. You were wholly enamored by him, and he had no idea.

He chattered with you for a while as you mused over it all. As the two of you watched the sunset, he reached over and picked a wildflower, placing it in your hand.

"For you," he said, his charming smile directed at you.

You treasured that memory every night after that.

From that point on, you were unsure how to act around him. He would joke around with you like usual and you responded in the like, but now with subconscious battles waging. Did he like you too? Were you just a little sister to him? What would Joe think?

All the things you normally did with him and Joe were now overthought on your part. You felt self-conscious now about going swimming with them in the lake, because you'd be wearing your white chemise and they were shirtless in their underwear. The underdress stuck to your body when you swam, clinging to your newly grown breasts and wet skin. Joe didn't pay any mind to it of course, but you could see that Billy noticed. Does that mean something?

Shooting was still fun, but one time when you missed and he stepped in to correct your form, you felt your breath hitch at his body being so close to yours.

You nursed the crush on him for a year, trying desperately to act normal around him so he wouldn't notice.

When your father died suddenly, you didn't have time for such things anymore. Joe stepped up to take over the ranch, and you did too, balancing books and managing the workers. You lost several nights of sleep trying to learn how to run everything properly. Your mother was long gone and your brother was taking care of the more physical aspects, so the responsibility fell on you.

Billy still came around to help out, but you were so busy you barely noticed. A part of you mourned it, the lost time. Because even tragedy couldn't squash feelings.

One day, he came over with a bunch of wildflowers, smiling as he handed them over. He twisted his hat in his hands. "I just...I thought you could use somethin' pretty," he said, his blue eyes earnest.

You'd nearly burst into tears at the gesture, throwing your arms around his neck. He wrapped one arm around your waist, careful not to squash the blossoms. "Thank you," you murmured, pulling back and kissing his cheek. "They're beautiful."

There was that charming smile again, melting your heart. "Thought of you when I saw 'em, you know cause they're-" he cut himself off, looking down and shaking his head. "Anyway, I'm glad you like 'em Daisy."

"How's your mama doing?" you inquired softly. His mother was sick, last you'd heard, with the same illness that had taken his brother.

Billy sighed, his emotion making him seem a hundred instead of eighteen. "She's hangin' in there."

"Good," you said, giving him a half smile. "Give her a kiss for me. She's the sweetest lady around these parts."

"Yes'm," he nodded. Then, he reached one of his hands up to cup your cheek, looking into your eyes with all the sincerity you'd ever seen from him. His palm was rough, and you liked the feeling, unable to help leaning into it as you gazed up at him. He hesitated, then leaned in and kissed your cheek, the little bit of stubble he had scratching against your soft skin.

Your smile was pure. "Was that from your mama?"

"No," he said, his thumb rubbing your cheekbone. "That was from me."

Billy kissed your forehead, holding your head close to his shoulder for a moment before pulling back. As he left, his fingers trailed down your cheek, chucking you under the chin. "I'll see ya 'round, Daisy."

And then he trudged down the stairs, off to his horse to leave. You stood there on the porch, leaning against the railing for a moment and watching him get on his horse. Lifting your fingers in a wave, you watched him tip his hat before riding away.

You were distracted all night, frequently looking over at the wildflowers you'd put in a vase on your desk. His kisses played over and over again in your head like they were the only thing in it. When Joe came home, he asked what had your head in the clouds and you just said you had a good day. No need for him to know his best friend was kissing you, even innocently.

Billy's mother passed away one lonely night, and your heart ached for him like it hadn't for anyone else. Whenever you saw him after that, he carried a subtle melancholy that one had to know him to notice.

Joe noticed, you knew, and so he distracted Billy, frequently meeting up with him and another friend of theirs. Jesse was an outrageous flirt, but good with a gun, and the other two boys liked his company well. You didn't know if what they got up to was legal, but you kept your thoughts to yourself, staying home and managing things there.

You'd catch a glimpse of Billy every now and then and remember that night on the porch, wondering if that was what he thought of when he saw you too. The nights were lonely when Joe was out with them, which was almost every night, and you longed for simpler times before anyone died. You yearned for the luxury of your young love for Billy because everything was different now. Childhood was over.

It seemed everywhere you looked a memory burst from your fingertips, the surfaces you touched more than senses. You mourned the loss of Joe, Billy and you. Those carefree wonderful children. It was all gone now.

On a rainy night in August, you were still in this haze, trapped in the past you could never reclaim. It was unusually chilly for this time of year, so you were sitting near the fireplace, trying to warm both your body and your heart. It was late. You'd been hoping Joe would come home soon but as the clock ticked, you realized it'd be another late night for him. You felt yourself growing tired, so you stood up, intending to go to bed.

Just as you started for the stairs, there was a heavy but frantic knock on the door, and you frowned. Who could be here this late?

You went to the door, opening it hesitantly, taken aback when you saw Billy on the other side. He was shivering, dripping water onto the porch. His eyes almost seemed like they were frozen in time, stuck on something he'd seen that'd change him forever.

"Billy?" you breathed, taking him by the hand and pulling him inside.

"'M sorry Daisy, 'm sorry for comin' here," he muttered, his teeth chattering.

You shushed him, bringing him to sit by the fire and spreading a blanket out for the two of you. He kicked off his boots before sitting beside you, his arms tight around himself to try and keep warm. The heat from the fire helped him loosen up after a moment, his shoulders relaxing, but only a little.

Your face shrouded with worry; you leaned closer to him. "Billy? What happened?"

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut and looking like he was trying not to cry. You'd never seen him like this. Not when he'd fallen out of a tree when he was ten, not when he'd stepped on a bee the same year. Hell, not when his brother and mother died within such short time of each other. But now, now he was broken. He was falling apart just as you'd been for the past few months.

Wordlessly, you wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him tight, and he buried his face in your shoulder. His arms wound around your waist, holding you snug to him. The front of your dress was getting wet because he was still soaked, but you didn't care, your body falling perfectly into his as you did your best to comfort him.

After a while of silence, he pulled back, just looking at you. There were tears clinging to his eyelashes, and his eyes looked bluer than you'd ever seen them. His lips parted, and his gaze was intense. Apparently tonight was the night for firsts, because this was another way you'd never seen him. His hands came up to your face, touching your cheeks hesitantly like he was afraid you'd disappear. One of his hands fell back to your waist, and you shivered slightly at the touch, unable to help yourself.

Billy's other hand slid to the back of your head, in your hair, his fingers tangling in the soft strands. He was looking at you like he'd never seen you before. You felt a pull in your heart, an urge to be closer, to be with him. It was impossible to remember what was lost now when he was right in front of you.

"Daisy." He pressed his forehead against yours, breathing softly, saying your name so quietly it felt like a prayer, a plea.

"Billy," you breathed, searching his eyes. You thought you knew every part of him, but you didn't know what he was going to do next.

So, when he kissed you, it was a supernova.

His lips crashed into yours, hot despite his trembling, needy in light of whatever the hell he'd been through that night. You'd never been kissed before, not like this. He was starving, desperate, and you had never wanted him more.

The hand in your hair pressed you closer to him, and you saw it all in his eyes when he pulled back slightly, the burning within him. Your hands framed his face, you leaned in for another kiss, and this time it didn't stop.

Before you knew it you were on your back, tearing at his shirt buttons. He shouldn't be wearing his wet clothes anyway. You did not think about Joe coming home, you did not think about the past for the first time in so long. His hands were on you too.

He caressed your body like he'd created it. Billy must have smoothed you out with his fingers, because you had never seen yourself the way you were reflected in his eyes. You had imagined doing this with him, of course, but here the line between fact and fiction became blurred. Is this real?

When he fastened his lips to the pulse point on your neck you gathered it was.

His fingers nimbly tugged at the top buttons of your dress, pushing open the folds to reveal your chest, which seemed to spur him on. Within minutes the garment was tossed elsewhere, his clothes were somewhere else, and his body was weighing on top of you in ways you never knew could be erotic. Skin against skin. Lips locked in a hungry dance. Limbs so tangled you didn't know whose was whose.

The windows fogged up from the rain, or your combined heavy breathing, you weren't sure when you were done. You were still knotted with him, his skin warmed from the fire. Billy traced shapes on your face with his calloused fingers, watching you tiredly with a fascination you'd never imagined could have related to you.

His gaze was very nearly adoring. You had dreamed of him looking at you like that. And now here the two of you were, side by side facing each other after doing the most intimate thing anyone could do. He was perfect in this light, the warmth from the fire making him glow.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, his finger trailing lightly down your cheekbone. "I never thought anyone could be this beautiful."

"How do you know?" you whispered, not really knowing what you were asking.

He seemed to understand anyways, leaning forward to capture your lips with his again, his kiss tender and sweet.

You looked up at him with stars in your eyes. "What does this mean?"

Billy was quiet, holding your face in his hand. He pressed his lips to your forehead, then your nose, then your lips again and you knew. He loved you too.

He pulled you close against him, so your head was resting on his collarbone, tucked beneath his chin. His hand rubbed up and down your arm, soothing you into sleep. You felt more comfortable, more loved than you had in a long time. In the morning you'd ask him more, you decided as you drifted off. You didn't want to ruin the quiet peace you finally held in your hands, his underneath, supporting it.

Sometime in the night, your peace shattered, and when you woke up he was gone.

The fire was burnt out. It had stopped raining. You were still lying on the blanket in front of the fireplace, but someone had taken the other half and folded it over you. Billy.

You held the edge of the blanket to your nose. It still smelled like him. Confused and dazed, you sat up and looked around. Obviously, Joe hadn't returned home because he would have thrown a fit over you sleeping naked in front of the fire. Your dress was folded messily by your side. There were dried boot prints on the wooden floor, the only shred of evidence that someone else had been there.

If you hadn't been naked, you would have thought you made the whole thing up. Billy, whom you'd loved for years, had stumbled upon your doorstep and cried in your arms, then made love to you? The notion was impossible, and yet you remembered every second of it.

You sat awhile there, the blanket around your legs, just reliving the night, before you decided you had better get up before your brother came home.

You waited anxiously for Joe, jumping to your feet when he walked through the door, hanging his hat. It was almost dark. He greeted you, looking tired.

"Joe?" you asked, standing subtly near him as he sat down, running a hand over his face.

"Hm?" he mumbled.

"Have you seen Billy at all today?" you asked casually, fidgeting with your fingers.

He looked somber as he met your eyes. "Billy left town."

It felt like you'd been knocked off your feet. Your heart pounded in your ears, your face going pale. "What do you mean he left?" There was a hint of desperation in your voice, but you didn't care.

"He's gone, little," Joe said drily, looking up at you. He looked so defeated, and it broke your heart.

Still, your breath shuddered as the gravity of the situation hit you. Billy was gone. Really gone. You didn't ask Joe how he knew, just sank into a chair and blinked back the hot tears that stung your eyes. He'd kissed you, performed an act of love upon you and then left.

Joe took pity on you, putting his arms around you and hugging you tightly, despite the fact you knew he was hurting too. "I know," he said quietly. "I know."

He knew you missed him. You wanted him to come back. He didn't know what you and Billy had shared the night before, didn't know how truly his best friend had hurt you.

You clutched at Joe and let a tear slip down your cheek, coming to terms with it all. It was likely you'd never see him again.

And in that moment, you felt the last threads of the childhood you'd been grasping at slip into the darkness. It was quiet, which was somehow worse than screaming.

You gathered the papers on the desk, stacking them neatly in a pile and putting your pen down. Being hunched over a desk all day was certainly draining, and you knew some fresh air would be just the thing. It was a springy June day, and you'd been yearning to escape the confines of your work as long as you'd been awake.

The house was quiet, as it'd been for months. Joe, as a way to make a little more money, had joined Jesse's gang, assuring you it was temporary. You'd let him go; confident you could handle things at the ranch by yourself. And you were right. Things were smooth, the banality of it all welcome after the tumultuous few years you'd had.

Jesse's gang was stationed at a hideaway not terribly far from the ranch, but far enough that you didn't go often, preferring that Joe come to you. You always felt like you were walking into the lion's den when you visited, the stares of men who hadn't had women for a long while fixed on you.

So, you stayed. And everything was fine.

You mused to yourself as you left the house, saddling your horse and meandering aimlessly into the trees. The sun was hitting your skin just right, and you tilted your head back, enjoying the warmth. You stopped in a little grove you were fond of, tying your horse and wandering around as you were wont to do.

Coming across a wildflower, you bent and picked it, tucking it behind your ear. There was nobody to see how the blue looked against your hair, but you did it anyway, liking how the gesture felt.

As your eyes caught the other flowers scattered in the grass, your mind wandered to the day on the hill. When he'd picked and given you a flower that looked just like the one behind your ear. You thought of Billy often, sometimes in anger, sometimes in sadness. But today he was only a memory, something nice you got to hold for a little while but was forced to let go of.

You hoped he was well. You always would.

It was unclear how long you'd stayed out when you decided to go back, but that was the beauty of living on your own. You were on your time.

Maybe you'd be able to do some reading tonight, you pondered as you rode back, your horse trotting contently. Fun reading, not ranch reading. You looked forward to the quiet evening in store, happy at the thought of having some time for yourself.

You reached the threshold of the ranch and saw instantly that your plans had been set aflame. Literally.

Flames licked at the walls of your childhood house, consuming the only home you'd ever known. You watched in horror, hands gripping the reins, as a group of bandanaed men, hats pulled low over their faces, rounded up horses and cattle, effectively stealing your livelihood.

You were frozen, eyes wide with fear. Nonononononononono.

One of the men, wearing a blue bandanna, spotted you, and your mind realized it before your body did, so your actions were too slow. You tried to tug at the reins of your horse, but the man was already running toward you, grabbing the saddle and dragging you off.

You screamed, hoping against hope that someone nearby would hear. it was a shot in the dark. Nobody lived less than twenty miles away. The man clapped a hand over your mouth, silencing you and pulling you a little way from your horse. One of his companions, whose bandanna was red, came over to investigate, looking you over with something in his eyes you did not appreciate.

"What do we have here, eh?" he grinned, and you struggled, whimpering in protest, the other man holding your hands behind your back.

"We could probably do somethin' with her too," Blue said, leaning over to study your face. "Pretty little thing ain't she?"

"Don't suppose we could take a turn with her first?" Red wondered.

"They won't know the difference," Blue shrugged.

Red's grin grew terrifyingly wider, and he reached out, hands running over your sides, stopping at your breasts. "Yeahh, she'll work great."

Your breath quickened as you realized what they wanted to do with you, and you acted before you could think about it. You kicked the Red between his legs, sending him sprawling backwards, and used that distraction to bend your knee, lifting your leg backwards and doing the same to the Blue. He groaned in pain, letting go of your hands, and you stumbled to your horse, mounting her and kicking her into a run.

Your horse galloped across the prairie, the wind blowing your hair back, hot tears running in rivers down your cheeks as you charged to the only place you knew you could go.

You had to stop to sleep at one point, and it was a restless night hidden in the trees. For food you stole berries from the bushes, thankful for your childhood that'd taught you which ones were good. You used your hands to scoop water from the creek.

Mercifully, you made it through the night without being kidnapped, and continued on to Jesse's hideaway, making it there about mid- afternoon. Your legs were sore from being atop a horse for hours, but you were afraid to stop longer than you had to.

At last, you could see the hideaway over the hill, and you rode desperately, stealing through the entrance. You could see a man standing at the water pump, and you prayed it was Joe, or even Jesse, someone. You jumped from your horse, tying her up on a fence post and running to him.

As you got closer, you could see it wasn't Joe or Jesse, but you kept moving toward him. Even if it was a new recruit, he could tell you when your brother would be back. You could pick out his features the closer you got, his dark hair, his tall build. The man heard you approaching and turned to face you, his eyes widening when he saw who you were.

You halted in your tracks, a few yards away from him, your heart beating a steady rhythm against your breast, both from the ride and the shock.

"You're so beautiful", you remembered, the words echoing through the hallowed halls of your memory. "I never thought anyone could be this beautiful."

He took a careful step toward you. "Daisy?"

The name only he'd ever called you on his lips after forever of not seeing him was the breaking point, and you burst into tears, running into his arms.

Billy held you against his chest, his arms secure around your shaking body. He whispered soothing things to you as you cried and clung to him like a lifeline. He dug his nose into your hair, kissing the top of your head. As he did, you wondered if it was a way of comforting you, or a gesture because he'd missed you. Maybe it was both.

"Shh, Daisy," he soothed, one arm around your waist, rubbing your back, the other at the back of your head, holding you to him. "You're gonna make yourself faint. Deep breaths now, c'mon."

He demonstrated for you, breathing in deep through his chest, the motion moving your body with him. You copied him, feeling your heart rate slow down and your mind clear a little, giving you refuge from the utter panic that'd been raging for the past twenty-four hours.

"That's it, just like that," he muttered, running his hand through your hair. "Everything's alright, you're safe. I've gotcha."

You let yourself relax into him, breathing softly for a moment and savoring him. You'd missed Billy, you knew that. But being in his arms again reminded you just how much. The envelope you thought you'd thrown away was torn open.

"You wanna tell me what's got ya so upset now?" Billy murmured against you, rocking you back and forth slightly, still holding you tight to him.

Taking in a shuddering breath, you pulled back slightly, looking up at him. He lifted a hand and caught a tear that had trembled its way down your cheek. "It's alright Daisy. You can tell me."

"Another gang," you choked, remembering everything. "They set the house on fire. Took all the horses 'n cattle. There's nothing left..." At that last part, your voice went high and trailed off as a fresh wave of tears cascaded down your face. Billy paled, his eyes widening.

"Oh Daisy." He squeezed you tight to him, letting you cry. "Daisy, Daisy...'m so sorry. Musta been awful..." Billy pressed his lips to your hair again. "'S okay. You're safe now."

You stood there with him, realizing his arms were the only thing in the world that could comfort you. You never wanted to leave the safety of them. Oh, how you'd missed them, missed him.

"You left me Billy," you breathed, unable to help it.

"I know sweetheart," he said, the term of endearment slipping from his lips as if he'd always said it. It warmed your heart.

"You left Joe too."

"I did."

"We needed you."

"I needed you too," was his quiet response. You looked up from his chest, searching his eyes when suddenly you heard a voice behind you.

"Who's this?" When you turned to see who it was, through teary eyes you saw a woman with brown hair holding a pot standing a few feet away. You found her rather pretty, but still furrowed your brow, confused. Joe had never mentioned a woman around, and you'd certainly never seen her before.

Billy told the woman your name, and maybe it was your imagination, but his arms seemed to stiffen a bit around you, holding you in closer. "Her brother's Joe."

"Ah, I see," the woman said, eyeing you. You gave her a little smile, not really in any position to meet new people. Still, you wanted to be friendly. It wasn't her fault you were homeless.

"Daisy this is Barbara," Billy said, nodding at the woman, who was still studying you. Her eyes lingered on the way you clung to Billy, seeming to pick up on the familiarity between the two of you.

"Hello," you said shyly, still wary of letting go of Billy. He didn't seem to mind, running his hand soothingly through your hair.

She didn't say hello back.

Billy looked up into the distance, and you heard the distinct sound of several hooves on the earth. The gang was back.

You let go of Billy and turned to watch them ride down the hill, spotting Joe instantly among them. Jesse was at the head, whooping and hollering as was usual. Billy kept a protective hand on your shoulder as the gang dismounted, seeming to know without you telling that you didn't exactly feel safe around most of them.

Joe ran up as soon as he saw you, pulling his bandana down. "What're you doin' here little?" Then he saw the tear tracks on your face. "What happened?"

He held out his arms and you fell into him. Joe hugged you tightly, albeit confusedly. "You shouldn't be here, you oughtta head back home-"

"Ain't no home to head back to Joe," Billy cut him off, folding his arms, his eyes on you.

Joe looked down at you, frowning. "What's he mean?"

You told him what happened, and his face fell. Even if he'd been absent lately, he'd grown up in the same house, held the same memories you did. He hugged you again. "I'm sorry you had to see that, little."

You sniffled, shaking your head. "I'm just glad I got away in time."

"Me too," Joe said, concernedly looking over you for injuries. "Ride over was alright? Didn't hit any trouble?"

"No," you shook your head again. "I had to stop and sleep, but when I rode in Billy was right there and-"

You'd looked over at Billy as you said it, but you cut yourself off when you saw his face. He wasn't watching you anymore. His eyes were on Barbara, who was in the middle of a nice long kiss with Jesse.

That look. You knew it not only because you'd spent half your life reading him, but because you'd felt it before, when you'd seen him flirt harmlessly with girls in the town you grew up. Jealousy. And a tinge of heartbreak. Mixed with that, hidden slightly beneath that was something else. Another thing you'd seen before. That slight, subtle look of possession.

You'd only seen it one time, and that time happened to be a certain night by the fireplace, right after something you'd only dreamed of sharing with him before.

And that's when it hit you.

He'd slept with her.

Billy had offered you his room, but you'd refused, opting to wait in Joe's for him. You didn't want to look at Billy right now.

When your brother finally came in, you sat up straight, looking at him expectantly. He held up a dress. "Took a bit of convincing, but this is one of Barbara's. You can wash the one you're wearing." He scratched his neck. "Me 'n some of the boys'll go back to the house 'n see if there's anything to salvage in a bit. Just in case."

You took it from him, holding it in your lap. It was blue, not the most flattering but you didn't care.

"Any news?" you asked softly, looking up at him.

"We sent a letter," Joe said, sitting down next to you. "All there's to do now is wait. But don't hold your breath. The law ain't fast around here."

"Thank goodness for you," you muttered, and he half-grinned, nudging your shoulder.

"Yeah, that's the way we like it," he said, looking down at his hands.

You were quiet for a moment before you asked, "When did Billy get here?"

Joe hesitated. "'Bout a week ago. Jesse found him passed out in the desert. Left him here with Barbara to get him healthy again while we rode out." He looked up at you. "I was gonna tell you."

"It's okay," you said, meaning it. "There wasn't any time to tell me between you leaving and...this." A familiar wave of grief passed over you as you thought about everything again. "When did Barbara join the gang? I've never seen her before."

"Jesse found her two months back," Joe explained. "Took a real liking to her. She was runnin' away from her folks. Seems they ain't nice people."

"And Barbara and Jesse're...?" you let your question trail off.

Joe laughed. "Yeah. If what I hear through the walls is any indication."

"Ah." You didn't tell Joe what you knew about her and Billy, even though hearing this confused you. Billy must have slept with her while the rest of the gang was gone. Joe wouldn't know why it had any significance to you.

Joe nodded, putting his hand on your shoulder. "You can stay here for a while, little, until we get things figured out. I'm sure Barbara'd be happy to have some help 'round here."

You weren't too sure Barbara would be happy to have anything to do with you at all, but you didn't tell Joe this, instead forcing a smile and nodding. "Okay."

"Good," Joe said, standing up from the bed, the loss of his weight making the springs creak. "I'll leave ya to get changed." He shut the door behind him.

You peeled your short-sleeved dress from your body, also in a light blue color. It'd been one of your favorites, and you were thankful it'd been spared from the fire.

Barbara's dress fit you well. It wasn't as stylish as yours, but that was the furthest thing from your mind. At least it was clean.

You took your dress outside to wash, scrubbing it of dirt and sweat and whatever else you'd encountered on the way over. When it was hanging out to dry, you wandered to a nearby tree, leaning against it and looking out at the plains for a moment. It was a sunny day, and you enjoyed it the best you could despite the circumstances.

The tree's branches were low enough for climbing, so you hauled yourself up, legs swinging as you sat on a branch midway from the top, leaning against the trunk. The bark was scratchy against your skin, but you paid the sensation no mind, just staring at the clear sky.

Footsteps crunched through the grass below you. You didn't turn your head to see who it was. Call it a sixth sense but you always knew when he was near.

Billy scaled the tree to sit on the same branch, leaning back on another one just a little higher than yours. Of course he'd want to talk to you.

"Joe 'n the others left for the house," he said, but you didn't turn your head, still watching the clouds.

"I didn't stay to see how far the fire got," you said quietly. "I don't know if there's anything worth saving."

"Still." Billy shifted. "They'll be back tomorrow mornin'."

You turned your body to face his, so your back was fully against the trunk. In your frenzy earlier, you hadn't gotten a good look at him. He'd grown in his time away from you. He seemed sturdier, surer of himself. His hair was a little bit longer, his skin a little more weathered. And he was handsomer than ever. "You didn't go with 'em?"

"They figured I'd best not show my face 'round those parts just in case," he said, half smiling. "Y'know, cause of last time I was there."

You were quiet, still looking at him, and his smile dropped. "You don't know."

"Last time I saw you was when we..." you trailed off, biting your lip. "You didn't tell me anything, just-"

"I'm sorry for that, Daisy," he mumbled, looking at his feet.

"Sorry for sleeping with me?" you asked, your voice's tone heightening pathetically.

"No," Billy shook his head instantly. "Not that...never that. I'm sorry for takin' advantage of you. For not tellin' you what was goin' on."

"What happened?" you asked, your voice desperate. You looked at him with all the hurt that had festered in your being for months. "You slept with me and then left. I was so worried..." your breath hitched, and you looked away.

"Daisy," he murmured, reaching for your hand, but you moved it to your face, running a hand over it. Billy sighed, and you could feel it, the weight of whatever he'd done, wherever he'd been. "The night before...Jesse'd-" he cut himself off for a moment. "Jesse'd talked me into doin' somethin' real stupid. Somethin' that got me arrested. I'd escaped from jail the night I came to see you."

You turned to look at him, your eyes wide. Given the ranch had been a little way from town, you didn't often hear of news like that, mostly keeping to yourself. Of course you wouldn't have known. "Billy..."

"I'm a wanted man, Daisy," Billy breathed, his blue eyes piercing yours. "I've been in another county for a while, and then I got into some more trouble and left. Got robbed somewhere in the desert and Jesse found me 'n brought me here. That's all there is to it." He brought his hand to your face, then through your hair so he was holding you there. The feeling of his big hand there was familiar, comforting.

You sniffled a bit, closing your eyes for a moment to feel it. Everything made sense now. The way he'd come to you, the reason he'd left. But it'd still hurt you.

"That night," you said softly, your eyes still glued to his. You couldn't have pulled away if you tried. "What we did...did it...mean anything to you?"

"Yeah," he whispered, his eyes earnest. "Of course it did Daisy...I'd never..." he swallowed. "You've been on my mind a whole lot since I left."

His words made your heart soar with hope, but then you remembered Barbara, and it plummeted back to earth. The realization lowered your voice. "I've thought about you too Billy."

"Yeah?" he asked, eyes hopeful.

"Yeah." You looked down. "I missed you."

Billy wordlessly moved closer to you on the branch, drawing you into his arms. He kept his hand in your hair, his favorite place it seemed. He held you to him for a bit, and you relaxed for the first time in a day.

Holding you against him still, he asked, "What exactly happened at the ranch Daisy?"

"I already told you." Your words were muffled against his chest.

"Yeah, but I know that ain't all that happened," Billy said, pulling you back a little so he could look at you. "I know you. There's somethin' else."

You thought with a tiny shudder of the men who'd grabbed you, and what they would have done to you if you hadn't gotten away. "No. I told you everything."

"Daisy." His voice was firm, and you knew he meant it.

"Billy," you said back, leaning into his chest again. "I don't want to talk about it."

He was quiet for a moment, then he nodded. "Okay." You were thankful he didn't ask any more questions.

You spent the night in Joe's room since he was absent, and all the while you thought about Billy. And Barbara. Was she in his bed right now, or was he in hers? Would you wake up to the sounds of them doing something you didn't even want to think about? Eventually you fell asleep, tortured by what you'd make up.

When you woke in the morning, you donned your dress that had dried out over the porch yesterday and went outside, looking for anyone. You spotted Barbara at the water pump and made your way over, standing shyly in front of her. "Hello."

She looked at you, giving you a once over that seemed to be her habit. "Hello."

"Is there anything I can help you with?" you asked, fidgeting with your hands behind your back. She intimidated you, and it wasn't just because you knew about her and Billy. There was a certain element about her that caused you to retreat into your shyer tendencies.

Barbara paused for a moment, thinking. "You can fry the eggs in the kitchen for the three of us. And wake Billy. He's a deep sleeper."

You knew that, and for some reason it hurt that she did. Nodding, you turned around and went right back to the house, slightly bothered by your interaction with her.

When you got to the kitchen you decided to make the eggs first, hoping the smell would rouse Billy from sleep. When the food was plated and he still hadn't appeared, you sighed and went to his bedroom, the only door that was closed.

He was shirtless as he slept, lying on his stomach with his head turned to the side. The sheets were pulled to his waist, revealing the messy outline of his legs. Billy looked pretty when he was asleep, but you always thought him pretty.

You sat on the bed, contemplating lying down with him. in your experience shaking him rarely, if ever worked. Still, you tried, and unsurprisingly it was not successful.

So, you went with your other idea lying down facing him. Your hand reached out to trace your fingers down his arm. He took in a sharp breath, and instantly you knew he was awake. Billy's arms reached out, wrapping around your waist and pulling you into his chest. "Daisy," he murmured without opening his eyes.

"You gotta wake up Billy," you said softly, putting a hand on his warm chest. He opened his eyes, almost seeming surprised that you were there.

"'M I dreamin'?" he mumbled sleepily, and you smiled, shaking your head.

"Don't think so." You ran your fingers up and down his arm again. He'd filled out, his muscles were tauter.

He shook his head, seeming to remember something. "Right." Billy loosened his hold on you, but still didn't let go.

His hair was a mess, little dark curls matting his forehead. Your eyes roved over him, catching all the familiar details you'd picked up on from your years together. The way his hair curled by his ears. The tiny birthmark under his jaw. His thick, dark eyelashes.

You ached to touch him, but you didn't, letting him hold you a little longer before you heard the front door open. Barbara was back. Sitting up, you rubbed his shoulder. "C'mon, get up. We've got eggs."

Billy grumbled a bit, pawing at you. "Couple more minutes?"

"Uh uh, get up," you said, getting off the bed and leaving, shutting the door behind you.

Barbara was in the kitchen when you came back, eating already. She nodded at you. "Thanks."

You gave her a tiny smile. "You're welcome. Least I can do for you lettin' me stay."

She half smiled dryly at you. "It'd be a sorry sight if I kicked Joe's sister out."

You didn't know what to say to that, so you were thankful when Billy walked in, wearing a blue striped shirt. It was one of your old favorites, and you wondered if he'd known that. Likely not.

"Thanks Daisy," he said, grabbing his portion. You all lingered in the kitchen, eating quietly, the only sound being forks scraping against plates.

Barbara put her clean plate on the counter first. "I'm gonna go finish chores. Billy? You comin'?"

He paused. "I was gonna take Daisy for a ride. That okay or do ya need help?"

She looked from him to you, and you looked down at your plate, not knowing if you should say something. "No. That's alright, I'll manage."

And with that she left the kitchen. You looked over at Billy. "Are you sure she doesn't need help?"

"Nah, all this week by the time I got up she usually had everything mostly done," Billy said, putting the last forkful of eggs in his mouth.

"Are you sure?" you asked nervously, looking at the door she'd gone out of. "I'd feel bad if-"

"Daisy, it's alright," Billy assured you, seeing your empty plate and taking it, stacking it on Barbara's. "After what you've been through, you're allowed to have a day, alright? 'Specially if your work habits haven't changed since I last saw you."

You smiled at that. "I do kinda get carried away."

"I know," he said, taking your hand. "C'mon, let's go. I miss ridin' with you."

You let him pull you to the horses, unable to say no to him, but also because you'd missed it too.

Mounting your beloved horse, you petted her mane softly. She must've been tired after the long ride here, but now after a good night's sleep she nickered softly at your touch, and you smiled fondly.

You guided your horse to follow Billy's, riding through the open hills and into a forest-like area, with trees and wildflowers blooming from the earth. It was beautiful, and you enjoyed your surroundings as you followed him. It was funny to think that just a day ago you'd been doing this exact thing, with no hope of seeing him again. But now here you were.

Keeping to the routine the two of you had always followed, you tied up your horses and went to walk through the trees together.

"You still ride like this often or did I jump the gun and assume you did?" Billy asked, striding alongside you through the grass.

"I do, pretty often now that I-" you cut yourself off. "When I lived alone."

"You were really livin' by yourself?" Billy asked, peering down at you as you walked.

"Yeah," you said. "Since Joe joined the gang."

"I see," Billy said, keeping his tone even. But you knew he objected to the principle of it. A woman living alone with no male protection.

"I've been fine," you said, trying to convince both of you. "I keep to myself, y'know? I've always liked that."

"Yeah," he said. His eyes looked sad. "But I imagine it still got lonely."

You were quiet for a moment before responding. "In a way."

He half smiled, looking down as you reached a hill, steadying his motions so he wouldn't fall. "Is that what you've been up to the past little bit? Ridin' and bookkeepin'?"

"Pretty much," you said. "I keep a quiet life. Not like you at all, I'm sure."

He chuckled lightly. "It ain't at all like you're imagining, I'm sure."

"Not from what I've heard," you smiled. "Joe filled me in a bit. Billy the Kid, huh?"

"Hey now," he grinned. "It's William H. Bonney now for all intents and purposes."

"What's the H stand for?" you asked, raising your eyebrows teasingly.

"That's enough outta you," he pushed your arm lightly, and you laughed. The two of you stopped under a tree, sitting down in the shade for a bit. Billy settled in next to you, bending down and resting his chin on your shoulder.

You picked a blue wildflower, twirling the stem between your fingers. It was the same color as the dress you'd been loaned, lighter than the one you had on now, lighter than Billy's shirt. "Barbara..."

"What about her?" he asked, looking at you, his chin remaining on your shoulder.

"I like her," you said, and to your surprise, as you said it you found it was true. Despite her stiffness you appreciated what she'd been through, how she'd been able to find her place here.

"You like everyone Daisy," Billy half-smiled, leaning back against the tree.

"I mean it," you said, mirroring his actions and turning on your side to face him. "She's lovely. I can see why you...like her."

"Why'd you say it like that?" Billy asked, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

You were quiet for a moment, contemplating whether or not you should go there. "I know you slept with her."

He turned his head fully to face you and you looked down at your flower again. Billy used his finger to tilt your chin up. "Daisy how'd you-?"

"The way you looked when she kissed Jesse yesterday," you said softly. "I know you Billy. And that's just how you looked at me after..." You trailed off and looked away.

Billy's arm around you stiffened, but he didn't take it away. "You're right. It did happen once. But...I dunno Daisy," he said tiredly. "I was alone with her after I almost died. The heat of the moment got to me. I didn't know she was with Jesse. And now that you're here-" he paused. "It don't mean what you think it does."

You shook your head. "You're not one to even kiss someone for no reason Billy. I know you care about her."

"She saved my life, of course I care about her," he breathed, meeting your eyes. "But not like you, Daisy. Never like you."

You looked down, feeling emotional. "But you left me."

"Daisy, I had to," he pleaded. "I was wanted, hell I'm still wanted-"

"But you could have told me something, anything instead of making me feel like a warm body," you said, drawing back from him. His arm fell from around you, and he looked at you for a moment, seeming surprised.

But then he nodded somberly. "You're right. You're completely right Daisy. I'm sorry."

Your smile was barely there. "I understand Billy."

Then with that you stood up, going to find your horse.

Joe returned with more than you thought he would have, telling you the fire had consumed a lot of the first floor but not the second. With no structure to stand up on, it had collapsed of course, but he was still able to salvage a few of your dresses, and some of your books.

You'd been thrilled at that, relieved to be able to give Barbara her dress back, thanking her profusely. She'd only smiled tightly and taken it away to wash.

Joe had been right about the law being slow. A week from the fire and you had yet to hear back from them concerning the damage to the property. So, in the meantime, you waited.

In the weeks that followed, you insisted on helping Barbara with the chores and she reluctantly let you. You took your horse out for a ride every day, sometimes without Billy, but more often with.

He started leaving with the gang to help out on jobs. You were surprised to find yourself missing him in the time he was gone. Since Joe was back, he offered you his bed, but you didn't take him up on it, still wary of whatever was happening with Barbara. No matter how casual it may or may not have been, you didn't want to upset her. Even though you could steadily feel old feelings gnawing at you, growing stronger.

You tried to keep a little distance, but it was impossible, his allure drawing you to him naturally. He'd accompany you everywhere; to the well, on your rides. Wherever you were, Billy could usually be found. You knew the rest of the gang noticed, though nobody commented on it. The weeks passed peacefully.

Until one night, when you awoke in a fit of adrenaline and sweat, a dream that felt more like a memory dancing in front of your eyes.

The men...the way they grabbed you...what they would have done to you...

You hugged your arms around yourself, shivering with tears. Even though you now knew it was just a dream, the weight of what had happened was collapsing you. You hadn't told anyone about it, even though you knew Billy was onto you.

Your head whipped to Joe, asleep in his bed. He'd offered it to you of course, but you'd declined just as you had with Billy, not wanting to upheave the house any more than you had.

Joe was the best of brothers to you. Still, you didn't want to tell him about the other events of that day. So, you stood up and went to the hallway, hoping the movement would calm your pounding heart. It didn't, which made you panic even more. You ran your hands over your arms, your breathing not slowing down. The house was quiet, so you did your best to keep it that way.

It became evident quickly that you wouldn't be able to calm yourself on your own. You needed someone near you.

Your feet carried you to the room before you knew it, opening the door and shutting it quietly behind you. When you turned, you were surprised to see Billy sitting up in his bed, the lantern by his bed lit. He frowned in surprise when he saw you. "Daisy, what-" he caught your fearful expression, your heaving chest. Then he opened his arms, recognizing the situation. "C'mere."

Giving a little whimper, you rushed to him, collapsing into his arms. Billy held you tight to him, and when his hand found its usual place behind your head you nearly sobbed with relief. He opened his knees so you could lie between them, against his bare chest as you cried softly.

"Shh Daisy, easy, easy," he murmured, smoothing his hand over your back. "Alright sweetheart, you're safe. You're safe. I've gotcha."

It was the second time he'd used that specific term of endearment, and you clung to him tighter because of it. Billy rubbed your back and rested his cheek against the top of your head. When your crying slowed down, he whispered, "Atta girl, keep it steady f'me? That's it, sweetheart, that's it."

You laid in the comfort of his arms in a haze afterwards, making sure your tizz was well and truly passed. Billy turned you on your side, facing him as he turned on his. He held you in his gaze, one of his arms wrapped loosely under you, the other on your arm, fingers going up and down in a soothing manner.

He reached out that hand, tentatively, and traced your face ever so gently. His roughened finger trailed over your cheek, your hairline, then down your nose. His eyes like the sky followed the path. His palm ended up on your cheek, and you leaned into it, your eyes locked with his.

"Daisy..." he murmured, his thumb rubbing your cheek. You knew he wanted you to tell him what had happened, why you had stumbled in crying.

"Bad dream," you whispered pathetically, closing your eyes.

Billy said nothing for a moment, and when you opened your eyes, he touched his forehead to yours briefly, a gesture of comfort that worked. "What about?"

You hesitated, sniffling lightly. Telling him sounded dreadful, but it was weighing on you so much that you felt you had no choice. "The day of the fire."

"Ah," Billy nodded respectfully, tucking your hair behind your ear. The more he touched you the better you felt.

"Not about the fire itself though," you said softly.

"Hm?" he prompted, and you wanted to kiss him right then for letting you tell what you wanted.

You closed your eyes briefly before continuing. "The day of the fire...the men who started it..." your voice was becoming higher and more hysterical as you continued, your words pushed together as you tried to get them out as quickly as possible. "They grabbed me...tried to take me somewhere. And one of them touched me-" your voice hitched as more tears fell down your cheeks.

"Oh baby," Billy murmured, and he brought you closer to him, his lips meeting your forehead. Him calling you baby only made you feel safer, more loved. He gathered you closer, so you were pressed right up against him, your hand on his chest. If his hand hadn't already found its place on the back of your head, you would have guided it there. You loved the weight of it, the way it held your face to his chest.

Your hand slid around his chest, under his arm and onto his back so you could hold onto him as well. He nudged his nose against your head, planting another kiss there. Then another. Then another.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart," he muttered, and you relished the feeling of his big hands on your body with the sole purpose to comfort you. "I'm sorry nobody was there. I'm sorry I wasn't there-"

"It's not your fault Billy," you said, tears still adorning your voice. "You couldn't have known-"

"No, Daisy," he said slightly more firmly. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you all this time. I'm sorry I left, I'm sorry we shared something so special and then I hurt you because of it. I'm not sorry we did it, but I am sorry for how I was."

You removed your hand from his back, settling it on his own cheek. Your other hand was wedged between your chests, resting against the sheets. "It's okay Billy. It's all okay now."

He took your hand off his cheek and pressed his lips to your fingers. A wisp of a smile made its way onto your face, and you cuddled close to him. Billy held you tightly in his arms. In that moment, you felt as if he could keep the bad dreams away with only that.

From that night on, you slept in his bed.

You'd start out in your usual place on the floor in Joe's room. Then after you fell asleep, you'd slip from the spot and quietly sneak down the hall to Billy's bed and Billy's arms. There were no more nightmares after that.

It was all very innocent. You'd lay side by side, facing each other, limbs tangling tightly. He'd nudge a few kisses against your forehead soothingly. You'd take his hand in yours and guide it to the back of your head if it wasn't there already. And then the you both would fall asleep, nothing bad to report in the morning.

Billy had never been an early riser. He was always the last one to wake up, always finding some kind of excuse to sleep in. It was something you and Joe had teased him for.

But almost every morning you woke to him watching you, his oceans of eyes sleepy, his hair was a mess. He was so pretty in the morning, with the sunlight spilling through his window onto his skin. The first day this happened you realized that this was how you'd imagined you'd wake up on that night you'd spent together.

Those thoughts had been little bits of gold you'd stored in your heart, secrets you thought would die with you. But now they were real.

And even though most mornings he awoke first, some mornings you did.

On that rare occasion, you'd snuggle deeper into his arms, and he'd stir slightly, his arms tightening around you. But most of the time it was him, and you wondered if his habits had changed when he was away. But thinking back to your first morning here, you knew they hadn't.

On a Tuesday about two months into your stay, it was one of those usual mornings, and you were sprawled on your side, facing away from him. Your hair was spread out on the pillow, your legs tangled with his. You awoke to a shuffling on the bed, and then an arm twined around you and pulled you closer to Billy's warm chest.

"You're too far away," he mumbled sleepily. You turned in his arms to lie on your side and face him. Billy was on his back, looking down at you with a fond smile. He blinked sleepily, and you moved closer to him to rest your head on his shoulder, nuzzling your cheek onto him.

"Better?" you propped your chin up on his arm.

"Better," he grinned.

You were just about to settle back into him when the door opened suddenly to reveal Joe on the other side. His eyes widened in shock when he saw you cuddled in Billy's arms, in Billy's bed.

"The hell?" Joe looked utterly confused. A little betrayed, maybe.

Sitting up, you attempted to explain. "I know what this looks like-"

"Billy why're you in bed with my sister?" Joe folded his arms, eyebrows raised, tone sharp.

You looked from Joe to Billy, worried something violent would happen. But finally, Billy responded. "Daisy's been havin' nightmares. I was only makin' sure she slept."

"You have?" Joe frowned. "You ain't ever had many nightmares before little."

It was true. Before the incidents surrounding the fire, you hadn't even dreamed often. You didn't want to tell Joe what happened, but you couldn't lie to him. So, you merely nodded.

Joe's face softened. "'M sorry little. You coulda told me, y'know?"

You bit your lip and nodded again.

"But I understand," your brother affirmed, nodding at Billy. "So long as there's no funny business, yeah?"

"None," Billy nodded back. Despite all this, you knew Joe trusted Billy with you, which was saying a lot. Your brother had a habit of being overprotective.

Joe looked between the two of you again and nodded once more, leaving with that and shutting the door behind him. From that point on you went straight into Billy's room every night.

He became a symbol of comfort to you. You knew his arms were open when you needed them. Things fell back into the way they were before, only this time there was something else between you two.

You felt it in every facet of your being with him. When you'd go for walks in the hills together. When you'd wake up in his arms. When he'd shake a little pepper over your eggs before giving you your plate because he knew you liked them that way. When he'd join you under the shade of a tree and rest his head in your lap. Billy was filling in the cracks that had formed over the months. He was patching you whole.

It was unclear if anyone else noticed, but you knew they didn't not notice. The two of you were drawn together. When Billy would come home from jobs with the gang you'd run to him first. Joe would make a little quip about it before hugging you, a cheeky, knowing smile gracing his lips.

Barbara seemed immune to all of this. She continued as she always did, but you still felt bad, like you'd taken something from her. Even though the first person she'd run to was always Jesse.

You tried to let this information soothe you.

The ranch was finally attended to, and you and Joe made the decision to sell the land. It made you a pretty penny despite all the damage from the fire. That night you'd laid silently beside Billy, too sad to say anything. You'd grown up there, hell, Billy had practically grown up there too. But as you thought of the last somber months you'd spent there; you knew it hadn't been the land that made that time special.

You still had what had made it special.

Jesse became anxious about the location of the gang, so he determined it was time to leave the hideaway behind and set out for another town. You welcomed the change, packing away what little you had and following them.

If you were being honest, as long as you had Billy and Joe you knew you'd be fine. So, you left in good spirits. Barbara parted ways with the gang then, taking a job as a schoolteacher in another town. You knew the two of you would never be close, but you still parted with a smile, and a sincere thank you for all she'd done. Maybe it was your imagination, but her smile seemed a little more genuine as you said goodbye.

"People can't help but like ya Daisy," Billy said when you told him about it. He was riding alongside you behind everyone, the hideaway in the distance behind you. "You're sweet. Not likin' ya feels like hurtin' a butterfly."

The analogy made you smile, a little blush gracing your cheeks. The way he looked at you and talked to you made you feel rare.

Once you got to town, Joe came to a conclusion. While the rest of the gang kept rented rooms at a nearby inn, the two of you used the money from the ranch to buy a nice little piece of land nearby, with an old house already on it. You wouldn't have minded staying at the inn, but Joe insisted, saying he wanted something permanent for his sister. Especially now that they all had steady work. And unlike in the past, it was honest.

Billy seemed especially happy about that, chattering eagerly about how good it'd be now that they were working with the law, not against it. It was endearing how excited he was. Despite the picture wanted posters painted of him, he had a gentle heart, and he never wanted to do any wrong.

The only thing you didn't like about this new setting was that you no longer slept beside him, but your nightmares had disappeared into memories, and you determined you'd be fine. Even though you missed his warmth as the fall bled into winter.

He was still a fixture in your life. His presence was still constant. The gang was all at Joe's and your house often, but Billy was there individually even more.

It was a funny thing, what being around him so often did for you. Previously, you had remembered the childhood love you'd had for him, and it had been painted blue. But in the love you felt for him now, you could feel what you'd had before at the roots. It was a flower that you'd thought had shriveled up and died, but now you realized it was simply dormant, waiting to bloom.

And the more you thought about it, the more you realized you wanted it to.

It was on your mind one night when Joe and the gang were in the kitchen. You and Billy had ventured out to the fireplace, kneeling close to it and talking. It was eerily similar to that night, the one you'd thought of lately more often than you wanted to admit.

"Do ya think you'll stay here?" Billy wondered, bending his knees to rest his arms on them.

"I don't see why not," you said thoughtfully, his blue eyes drawing yours to them like they always did. "Joe's here, you're here...I can see myself being happy here."

"I think ya are happy here Daisy," Billy said, a little smile coming to his face as he said it. "I ain't seen you this happy in a while."

He was right. You hadn't been this content since your father died. "it's the same for you Billy," you commented, shifting closer to him for warmth. "You're not as restless as you used to be."

"Well, no," he said, grinning as he looked into the fire. "There's lotsa reasons for that."

"Like...?" you prompted, tilting your head playfully.

"Well for starters, I ain't breakin' the law to make money no more," Billy said, and you nodded. "There ain't no pressure to move around so much. But also..." he turned his head to look at you. "Havin' you around. Havin' Joe around. It's made all the difference."

You were quiet for a moment, the sentiment warming you more than the fire ever could. "Having me around?"

"'Course," he said, reaching out and tugging on your arm to bring you closer to him. One of his arms slid around your waist and you rested your head on his shoulder. "Ya mean a lot to me Daisy. Ya know that, right?"

"It's still nice to hear it," you smiled, settling into his side. "You...you mean a lot to me too. Always have."

"Yeah?" he looked pleasantly surprised. "Well, you're a sweetheart anyways. My sweetheart."

The way he said it implied something else, but you didn't correct him, only lifting your head from his shoulder and looking into his eyes again. The fire was reflecting off his face, making him look softer. You looked from his eyes to his lips. There was that magnetic draw again. "And are you mine?"

He paused, looking like he'd been caught doing something, but then he slowly nodded, searching your eyes. "I've always wanted to be yours."

Your heart fluttered and you thought for a moment you were in a dream. But when he brought his hand to your cheek, you knew you weren't.

Billy acted before you could, leaning forward and gently pressing his lips to yours. His hand slid to its spot in your hair. You melted.

His kiss was brief, but it imprinted itself on your being. You leaned into it, your hand resting on his chest as your lips moved against his. It was so impossible, all of it, and yet.

When he pulled back, you stayed in your haven between his arms. He pressed one, then two light kisses against your soft smile and you saw stars.

Then Joe shouted something from the other room and Billy looked up, sighing and shaking his head. He stood up, bringing you with him. His lips found your brow lightly, a silent promise that you'd talk about this later. Then he took your hand and lead you into where everyone else was. It was good he had a hold on you, because you weren't sure you could have found your way there on your own. The kiss had left you engrossed in a dreamy haze.

He sat at the table with everyone else, and when he saw there weren't any open chairs, pulled you down to sit on his thigh. Joe raised an eyebrow, but that was all. You were content to lean against Billy for the rest of the night.

It was hard to sleep when you tried after everyone left. Billy hadn't kissed you goodbye, but he'd held you close for a bit and said he'd see you tomorrow.

All these months, all this time, you hadn't been sure if he'd held onto the feelings of the past. But you supposed it didn't matter now, because he felt this way right now. He wanted you close to him as you did.

The next day you woke early. You decided to get a few errands done as a way to divert yourself. You'd see Billy later.

It was a pleasant ride into town. The winter sun was warm on your bundled up frame, and you enjoyed it. The snowstorms of late had often kept you indoors, so it was nice to have this pocket of time.

You tied up your horse and went into the general store, a list prominent in your head. Grain, candles, matches-

You halted in your tracks when you opened the door.

There were already customers inside. But you recognized them.

"Don't suppose we could take a turn with her first?" Red wondered.

"They won't know the difference," Blue shrugged.

Red's grin grew terrifyingly wider, and he reached out, hands running over your sides, stopping at your breasts. "Yeahh, she'll work great."

Before one of them could turn around and see you, you stepped out, heart pounding a hole into your chest. Your ears were ringing with the memory. The world seemed to spin. Why are they here? How did they get here?

Putting a hand to your heart to try and calm it, you looked around, spotting the inn the gang was staying at. Billy, you needed Billy.

You ran across the street, opening the door and realizing you didn't know which room he was staying in. As you wandered in frantically you found it didn't matter. He was sitting at a table with Charlie, talking about something, his back to you.

Charlie saw you though, and must have noticed your distress, because he nudged Billy, nodding at you. Billy turned around, and instantly stood, meeting you halfway and gathering you into his arms. "Daisy, Daisy, what happened? What's the matter?"

He sounded concerned, and you thanked the heavens for him. Your ear was against his heart, the steady thumping soothing you almost immediately. "They're...they're here," you mumbled weakly

"Who's here Daisy?" His hand. His hand on your head. It felt like it could shield you from everything.

You lifted your head, but his hand stayed there. Your breathing was still frantic. "The men...from the fire..."

His eyes darkened. "Where?"

"The general store," you breathed, and he gritted his teeth, looking up at the window. You tugged at his shirt. It was the striped one, the one you'd confessed to him you loved.

He looked back at you, his eyes softening. Then he moved, setting you on the chair he'd been sitting in previously, kneeling in front of you. "I need you to stay here, alright? I don't want you to ride back without me." Billy looked up, at someone behind you and summoned them. "Mrs. Peña?"

An older Mexican woman bristled over, and Billy said something to her in Spanish. She looked at you, looking confused as she responded. He nodded, squeezing your hand and saying something back.

Over the years of knowing him, you'd only picked up on a little Spanish, jealous of his ability to learn the language so easily. As Billy and Mrs. Peña conversed; you only caught a few words. Scared, safe, needs, help.

The older woman gave Billy a fond smile and nodded. He returned it, then turned his attention back to you. He kissed the fingers of the hand he was still holding. "You're gonna stay here, okay? Mrs. Peña and her husband own the inn. They're gonna keep an eye out for you."

"What are you going to do?" you whispered, your eyes wide in horror as you sifted through possibilities.

"Don't pay any mind to it," he said, squeezing your hand from where he was kneeling still. "I won't be long."

And with that, he stood up, kissed your forehead, and beckoned to Charlie, who followed him out the door. Your breaths were still fast as you watched him leave, and then you turned to Mrs. Peña. She gave you a warm smile and took your hand. You accepted it, stood up, and followed her to the kitchen, to a chair close to the sink. She gestured at it. "Sit."

You did as she asked, watching her flit around, preparing and sorting. Trying to remember the right words, you asked her in very broken Spanish if there was anything you could do to help.

She smiled and shook her head, motioning for you to stay. But you insisted. "¿Por favor?"

Mrs. Peña seemed to understand that you needed a distraction, so she took pity on you, waving you over to where she was sorting vegetables.

Billy didn't return for several hours, and so you accompanied Mrs. Peña, helping her with anything she'd let you. She spoke a little English, and you a little Spanish, so you managed. She was a very warm lady, and you felt bad for burdening her, telling her so as you helped her fold sheets in the empty front room that evening. But she shook her head, patting your hand fondly. "Eres una chica dulce."

That made you smile.

It was dark when they came back. You were surprised to see it wasn't just Billy and Charlie, but the entirety of the gang, including Joe. Mrs. Peña gave your hand another pat, and took the folded sheets away, leaving you with everyone. Billy stopped her and whispered something to her that she nodded and smiled at.

You stood up, and Joe came over, putting his arms around you and hugging you for a long time. He smiled sadly when he pulled back. "It's all okay now, little." He looked over at Billy, nodding. "Reckon you'll wanna stay here tonight. I'll bring your horse back." Joe kissed your forehead and left.

The interaction was confusing but touching. You watched your brother leave, questions swirling through your mind like a flurry. Then you turned and looked at Billy, who reached a hand out for you. "C'mere Daisy."

Of course you went to him, his fingers intertwining with yours as he pulled you upstairs to his room. He shut the door behind you and locked it. It was only then that you noticed his knuckles were stained with dry blood.

Gasping in horror, you took the other one in your free hand, holding them up to examine them. "Billy...Billy what did you do?"

He shook his head, trying to reassure you. "It's not all my blood."

That only worried you further. "What on earth were you doing?"

Billy sighed, looking down for a second, reluctant to tell you. "We took care of the men who started the fire. You ain't gotta worry 'bout them anymore Daisy."

"What do you mean you took care of them?" you asked desperately.

He shook his head again, more firmly this time. "That's not for you to know. But it's all okay. You're safe now. That's all that matters."

You wanted to push the issue, but you realized there was probably a reason he wasn't telling you. So, you gave up. "Okay."

Billy pulled you to sit on his bed, your knees touching, and just watched you, checking for any hint of distress. "How're ya doing Daisy?"

Surprisingly, you found your token answer to be correct. "I'm okay."

He smiled briefly in acknowledgement. "Good. I want ya to be okay."

There was a comfortable quiet for a moment between you two. You didn't want to look at anything but him, didn't want to be anywhere else but here. Right now, he was your center, the very thing keeping you from floating into the sky.

Billy's hand moved to your hips, pulling you in closer. His eyes found yours as he said, "I want you to know I'm always gonna protect ya. You have Joe but ya also have me. You've always had me."

"Always," you repeated softly, and he smiled. His other hand reached up to tuck some of your hair back.

"Daisy..." he started, and you felt it. That fluttering, that warmth in your chest that he only seemed to be the cause of. "Did ya know I've always loved you?"

You tilted your head, waiting for him to explain, ignoring the butterflies sprouting in your heart.

He smiled in a nostalgic way. "You were a friend. A good friend. But I woke up one day and ya just...weren't that anymore."

"How long?" you whispered.

"Years, Daisy," he brought both his hands to your cheeks. "Years 'n years. Dunno if you remember awhile back, but me 'n Joe were comin' back from doin' somethin' in town, trouble probably." He paused to smile, shaking his head. "You were up in the branches of a tree, readin'. Looked real pretty. Think ya had a flower in your hair." Billy breathed a laugh, looking down for a second. "Mighta been a daisy. 'N ya looked up, smiled at me. And I knew I'd love ya forever."

Your lips parted slightly at the confession, and you felt a sweet smile spreading over your face. A light laugh of disbelief escaped you, and you pulled him in, kissing him softly. He made a noise of surprise but indulged, his hands falling from your face to your waist, wrapping his arms around you and hugging you close.

"I remember that day," you said honestly, looking up at him when your lips parted. "Because a few hours later you asked me to go for a ride and you pulled me off my horse and not only did we fall down the hill, but I fell in love with you."

His smile was radiant, and you didn't need to ask if he remembered. Billy pulled you back in, kissing you fervently. He loved you. You could feel it. No need to wonder anymore. His kisses felt like a promise. I will always love you.

For hours after, there was nothing else but him.

Nothing but him as he kissed you like you were disappearing.

Nothing but him as he lowered you down onto his bed and slid the sleeves of your dress down your arms.

Nothing but him as he took his time, holding you so gently it made your head spin.

Nothing but him as he dipped his head briefly between your thighs, making your back arch and your hand squeeze around his. He'd given it to you to hold because he loved you.

Nothing but him as you and him did something you'd only done once before, but this time he wasn't going to leave.

Nothing but him as you did something you'd done many times before, nestling between his arms as you fell asleep.

When the morning came you knew it was far from the last one you'd have like this, but you savored it anyways, burrowing into his chest and hiding from the world. He peppered sweet kisses over your face, asking how you'd slept, asking for five more minutes before you both had to get up. And so you gave them to him. And five more minutes. And then another five minutes.

Because you were finally his. And he was finally yours.

Next part

[cityzenshark]

Biology of Terrans (so far)

1 - Fuel & energy

Already explained in canon: water. However it's not clarified if they need specifically Emberstone-infused water or just water is enough. Judging by S1 part A, Twitch and Thrash goes about probably a week or two unfed before their body goes on automatic drive to find their energy source and can turn aggressive (like humans when we're tired and hungry). [edit: they do specifically need Emberstone water]

2 - Language

It's shown that the current Terrans immediately knows, speak and read in English. I think this is because the Maltos' mother tongue is English. Should a Terran is born, lets say, in Japan or linked to a Japanese person, their base language and literacy is Japanese. If the linked human is multi-cultural, the Terrans might be multilingual but it doesn't seem to be the case since the Malto kids are half-Filipino.

3 - Basic knowledge

Besides having literacy from the moment they're born, the Terrans absorb knowledge a lot faster without having to download them into their brains like a Cybertronian would. But they still require time, experience and teachers.

[Nightshade's high intelligence should've been enabled/recognized by Wheeljack first but they had to make NS super smart out of nowhere while their siblings took a few episodes. OR Nightshade is super smart because they're data(?) is influenced by Alex since he's present when the triplets are born]

What they need longer time to learn is emotional intelligence. They can't understand mixed feelings or read a situation unless someone explains it them.

4 - High adaptability to Earth conditions (HC)

Cybertronians hate Earth's nature not only because it's disgusting to them, because Earth is not friendly to metals. Rusting materials, temperature-based pressures, humidity, atmosphere, dirt, sand, and water -- the Terrans' life source.

In multiple shows, Cybertronians aren't adaptable to Earth's weather. Snow freezes their bodies, lightning can harm them, seawater rusts, etc.. What if the Terrans are immune to them?

Humans are adapted to the natural conditions of our native home. Ex. Tibetans thrive normally with the mountains' thin air while non-natives need oxygen masks. While Cybertronians have very limited time in frozen lands, Terrans can go about as long as they want. Cybertronians need to wash themselves off of seawater to prevent rust, meanwhile the Terrans are just fine.

[whileiamdying]

‘I’m Still Here’ Review: Walter Salles Returns Home With the Powerful Story of a Broken Family’s Resistance

Premiering at Venice, the film stars Fernanda Torres as a mother of five children who reinvents herself as a lawyer and activist after suffering a devastating loss at the height of Brazil’s military dictatorship.

BY DAVID ROONEY SEPTEMBER 1, 2024 @ 11:48AM

Fernanda Torres in 'I'm Still Here.' COURTESY OF VENICE FILM FESTIVAL

Walter Salles’ 1998 international breakthrough, Central Station, earned an Oscar nomination for the magnificent Fernanda Montenegro. Now in her 90s, the actress turns up toward the end of the director’s first feature in his native Brazil in 16 years, the shattering I’m Still Here(Ainda Estou Aqui), in a role that requires her to speak only through her expressive eyes. What makes the connection even more poignant is that she appears as the elderly, infirm version of the protagonist — a woman of quiet strength and resistance played by Montenegro’s daughter, Fernanda Torres, with extraordinary grace and dignity in the face of emotional suffering.

Many powerful films have been made about the 21 years of military dictatorship in Brazil, from 1964 through 1985, just as they have about similar oppressive regimes in neighboring South American countries like Chile, Argentina and Uruguay. The human rights abuses of systematic torture, murder and forced disappearances represent an open wound on the psyches of those nations, for which cinema has often served as a vessel for collective memory.

It’s not often, however, that the spirit of protest against the horrors of junta rule is viewed through such an intimate lens as I’m Still Here. That aspect is deepened by evidence throughout the film of Salles’ personal investment in the true story of the Paiva family after patriarch Rubens (Selton Mello), a former congressman, was taken from his Rio de Janeiro house in 1971, ostensibly to give a deposition, and never seen or heard from again.

Salles met the family in the late 1960s and spent a significant part of his youth in their home, which he credits as foundational to his cultural and political development. That accounts for the coursing vitality of the early scenes, as the five Paiva siblings dash back and forth between the house and the beach, and an extended family of friends of all ages seems to be constantly dropping by for drinks and meals and music and lively conversation.

There are sweet throwaway moments like two of the sisters dancing and singing along to the Serge Gainsbourg-Jane Birkin wispy make-out classic “Je t’aime … moi non plus,” without understanding the words. Just watching how one of the youngest kids, Marcelo (Guilherme Silveira), sweet-talks his way into keeping a stray dog they found on the beach conveys the warmth, spontaneity and affectionate scrappiness of the Paiva household dynamic. The young actors playing the kids are all disarmingly natural and appealing.

The first blunt intrusion into the family’s bubble of closeness and comfort comes when eldest daughter Vera (Valentina Herszage) is out with a group of friends and their car is pulled over at a tunnel roadblock. It’s a disturbing scene in which we see teenagers — just minutes earlier cruising along, sharing a joint and laughing — ordered at gunpoint to stand against a wall while military officers question them, searching their faces for any resemblance to the “terrorist killers” they’re looking to apprehend.

An occasional hushed phone conversation or private exchange with a friend suggests Rubens’ involvement in something that needs to be kept quiet. But the script by Murilo Hauser and Heitor Lorega, based on the book by Marcelo Rubens Paiva, saves those details until long after Rubens is taken into custody. That puts us in the same position as his wife and children, wondering what their father could possibly have done to place him in the regime’s crosshairs.

The chill of uncertainty is hardest on Rubens’ wife Eunice (Torres), who does what she can to hide what’s going on from the youngest kids. But having armed strangers in their house and a car parked across the street to keep a constant eye on them is tough to explain, and the older siblings are aware something is very wrong.

The situation escalates when Eunice is hauled off for interrogation. With Vera away in London with family friends, the next oldest, 15-year-old Eliana (Luiza Kozovski), is forced to accompany her mother, with bags put over their heads to keep them from knowing where they are being taken.

The interrogation scenes, set in a grim building with confinement cells, are harrowing. Eunice is sequestered for 12 days. Denied contact with the family lawyer, she’s kept completely in the dark about what’s happening to her daughter and is unable to learn where her husband is being held. She’s coerced over and over to identify people in photo files as possible insurgents, but aside from her husband, she recognizes only one woman who teaches at her daughter’s school. Her isolation and fear are made worse by the constant screams of people being tortured coming through the walls.

There are many moments of raw tenderness after Eunice is released — notably when one of her daughters watches from the bathroom doorway, her face a mix of sorrow and terror, as her mother showers away 12 days of grime.

With the government refusing to acknowledge even that her husband was arrested, Eunice continues fishing for information, talking to Rubens’ friends who tell her the military is “shooting blind,” going after random people based on almost nothing concrete. Unable to make bank withdrawals without her husband’s signature, she struggles to keep up with expenses. At the same time, she begins studying the family lawyer’s case file, foreshadowing her eventual decision to relocate with the five children to São Paulo and return to college.

The chief focus of Marcelo Rubens Paiva’s book is essentially his mother’s quiet heroism — first as she single-handedly shoulders the responsibility of keeping the family together and protected, concealing her grief when the inevitable is confirmed, and subsequently when she earns a law degree at 48 and becomes active in a number of causes. That includes pushing for full acknowledgment from authorities of disappeared people like Rubens after democracy is returned to the country.

Salles’ heartfelt film jumps forward 25 years and then by almost 20 more, allowing us to absorb Eunice’s self-reinvention not in big crusading speeches but simply in her dedication to the work of keeping memories alive and not letting the abuses of the past be swept away.

Perhaps the most beautifully observed arc of the film is the gradual rebuilding of the family. As the children grow up and marry and grandchildren come along, they transition back into a noisy, joyful clan much like the one depicted in carefree scenes at the start. Even the simple process of sorting through boxes of family photos is viewed as a loving act of reclamation in a final stretch that will have many audiences in tears.

Torres (one of the stars of Salles’ terrific early film, Foreign Land, co-directed with Daniela Thomas) is a model of eloquent restraint, showing Eunice’s private pain and her necessary fortitude by the subtlest of means. Only once during the film does she raise her voice in anger after a sad occurrence, beating on the windows of the parked car watching the house in Rio and screaming at the two stone-faced men inside.

The final scenes in which Montenegro steps into the role are bittersweet, as Eunice has become nonverbal and uses a wheelchair, in steep decline with Alzheimer’s. The poignancy is almost overwhelming as we watch her gently lean in, her eyes lighting up and a hint of a smile forming, when Rubens’ photograph appears in a television program on the heroes of the resistance.

The movie looks gorgeous. Adrian Teijido’s agile cinematography uses 35mm to great grainy effect to evoke the ‘70s and Super 8mm home movies shot during that decade provide lovely punctuation. The other key asset to the film is Warren Ellis’ score, which starts out pensive and quietly troubling before shifting almost imperceptibly into a much more emotional vein with the surge of feeling that accompanies the forward time jumps.

While it could use a less generic international title that’s not also a well-known Stephen Sondheim song, I’m Still Here is a gripping, profoundly touching film with a deep well of pathos. It’s one of Salles’ best.

[the-catboy-minyan]

when people say "death to america" do you assume they mean kill every non-native in the united states? Or do you suddenly understand the concept being communicated then?

you know what, does does give more context to why people think calling for the death of Israel is okay. now, I can explain why that's still a fucked upthing to say:

1) most people who say "death to America" are Americans, there's a massive difference between calling for the death of your own country as a privileged citizen of that country, calling for its death as a discriminated citizen of that country, and for calling for the death of a country you never even set foot in.

the best comparison I can come up with is: you will call your sibling a bitch when they're acting rude to you or others, but you'll be hella upset if a stranger decides to swear at your sibling.

the stranger is making assumptions on your sibling's character based on one or a few negative interactions, and have no idea what they're really like as a person.

you (most likely) have known your sibling since you/they were born. you have a clear image of who they are in your head based on many different interactions. when you curse them after they acted out, you're calling them out on their behavior while being emotional. your sibling will most likely recognize that, and while they may get offended and hurt (depends on your relationship), they're not going to assume you have bad intentions at heart.

while a country isn't a person, its citizens are, most Americans will recognize the intention behind other Americans saying "death to America", but you can't assume Israelis will read "death to Israel" with the same mindset, especially when it's not said hy one of their own. ESPECIALLY when most of them have a history of being persecuted for their identity as Jews (saying most since not all Israelis are Jewish and I can't speak for others), and when there are people alive at this moment calling for the actual death of all Israelis.

2) there's a massive difference between American and Israeli history. I'm not an expert in history, so I can't reliably give examples, but for startes Jews are native to Israel while Americans were originally European colonizers.

you're looking at Israeli history from an American lense, and making comparisons between events that have wildly different historical contexts. American culture is extremely black and white and heavily influenced by christianity, you're interpreting the conflict as "evil white colonizers (like those first European colonizers)" versus "helpless indigenous noble savages (like those Native Americans)", this is just not the reality of the conflict.

3) if the message is being read as a call for genocide by Jews, there's a high chance that means their cultural history is giving the sentence context that you don't understand.

people are telling you "the thing you're saying has negative implications", and your response is "but I meant it THAT way, you meed to see it from MY perspective". I'd suggest taking a step back and see it from their perspective.

anyways 6/10, thanks for the context, still a call for genocide.