#These people make me insane because they so obviously do not care about queer themes they are only looking at this

[sepiamestus]

"hunter x hunter is queerbaiting" YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT SUBTEXT IS

[entity9silvergen]

Mosaic (Disenchantment Fanfiction)

Summary: We are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are. Bean doesn’t think she can love like everyone else but maybe that’s okay.

Fandom: Disenchantment 

Word Count: 2K

Characters: Bean

Relationships: Bean/ Mora, Mentioned Bean & Everyone, Mentioned Odval/ Sorcerio, Mentioned Zog/ Oona, Mentioned Zog/ Dagmar

Warnings: Internalized arophobia, first person pov, some self-deprecation, sex mention, drug mention, mention of interspecies relationships in fantasy setting 

Other Tags: F/F, Mentioned F/F QPR, Reflection/ Self-Reflection/ Internal Thoughts, No Dialogue, Queerplatonic, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Homosexual Character, Arospec Character, Queer Themes, Unreliable Narrarator, S3E6, Oneshot, AroWriMo 2021

Author’s Note: My friend sent me the line “I am a mosaic of everyone I’ve ever loved” about twenty minutes after I watched “Final Splash.” I’m working on the prompt for Week 2 of AroWriMo rn but I had to drop everything and write a short fic about this. Again, I didn’t really use the prompt but it kind of fits with week 1’s prompt romo/loveless & future. 

I’m headcanonnoning Bean as aro or demiro/ greyro. I think in the show it was implied she never experienced romantic attraction prior to meeting Mora because she likes women and I don’t want to erase that in any way but Bean still gives off a big aromantic bisexual homo(queer)platonic vibe.

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My name is Princess Tiabeanie of Dreamland and I’ve never loved anyone.

I mean, I love my dad and my friends and all that but I’ve never loved loved anyone. Is that weird to say? That makes it sound like I don’t really love my dad and Elfo and Luci and everyone. I probably shouldn’t say that then because I actually love them a lot. They’re my everything. 

One time, I was walking down Elf-Ally and this elf was sitting on the side of the road with some chalk. I feel like elves would really like chalk but I’ve never seen any of them use it, not even Arto, except this guy. I’d never seen anything like it before so I asked what he was doing and he said he was making this mosaic to show his love for this other elf he liked. I didn’t really understand it so he explained it to me like this: we are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are.

I still didn’t get it so I just laughed at him and he got kind of upset and threw a piece of chalk at me. It didn’t really hurt but Luci was with me and the elf started throwing stuff at him and you know how Luci gets when he hits his nose so we left. I couldn’t really forget what that elf said though. 

You see, a mosaic is a mix of a bunch of little pieces taken from different things that all come together to make one thing. There’s this mosaic at the church and it’s pretty freaking ugly but the mosaic this elf was making was just so beautiful. He used so many colors and he drew all these little pictures and hid these words I didn’t understand in them. I’d expect it to be all crude and gross like those scribbly pictures Derek would draw when he was younger that Oona pretended to love but it all came together so well. It didn’t even look like separate pieces. It was just one.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The influences of countless parts of my life, weaving together into an insanely complex mesh- That felt like me. I always felt like something was broken in me but maybe I’m just a mosaic. 

I think my dad made me who I am the most. Even if he wasn’t really present most of my life. Sure, we don’t see eye to eye sometimes but I think we’re better because of that. He made me strong. His actions guided me into becoming the woman I am today. He taught me how to keep fighting. Literally and figuratively. He taught me to keep my head up and he taught me how to stab people. It’s pretty cool. I remember this one time as a kid he took me out to the courtyard, stole this guy’s knife, and taught me how to use it. I think I still have the knife actually. I don’t stab people with it anymore though.

(I hope he’s okay. He hasn’t been the same in awhile.)

My mom… Well, I don’t really love her anymore but I did for a long time. She was… How do I put it? A constant in my life. Even though she wasn’t there. What I felt towards her, it kept me together for a long time. When I had nothing to fall back on, I always had her memory. Until she tried to take over Dreamland, obviously. Now I just say she gave me my love for alcohol and that’s pretty sweet too. 

(I still miss her. I bet she’s dead.)

You know those pictures where the guy has an angel and demon on his shoulders telling him what to do? That’s Elfo and Luci, and it’s literal for Luci. And maybe for Elfo? He did go to heaven that one time. It can be kind of annoying to hear them bickering all the time, especially since they almost never want the same thing, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Elfo keeps me safe and Luci pushes me to be more than I am. They make life fun. Fuller. Less lonely.

(I’m scared they might leave someday. I wouldn’t blame them.)

I don’t really like Derek but I still love him. Maybe a little less since he tried to burn me at the stake. Maybe a little more since he chickened out at the last second. And a little less because he still went through with it. And maybe a little more since it was an accident. We have a complicated relationship but he’s still my little brother, as weird as he is. He reminds me of what I have to fight for, if that makes sense. I don’t really see him as the future of Dreamland or anything but he’s still a little kid and I can’t really help but have a soft spot for him. Don’t tell him I said that.

(I wonder if he’ll keep me around when he’s king. I’d be lying if I said I was surprised.)

The same goes for Oona. I never liked her but I think I love her. Especially after she tried to save me from my mom. And since she became an epic pirate. She’s awesome. She’s the mom I always wished I had except she was actually there the whole time and I didn’t realize it. I’m happy with how things turned out though. I don’t regret it. Plus she’s got great taste in drugs. I still steal them sometimes.

(I don’t know if she loves me. Maybe she did once but not anymore.)

I kind of hate Odval and Sorcerio in a weird way where I like them at the same time. They’re not really family but always been there. Like they’re kind of like second dads to me. Second dads whose the sex lives I know way too much about. My gay polyamorous uncles? But they kind of care under all that court properness and tradition nonsense so they’ve kind of wormed their way into my heart. They’ve always made my life difficult but I don’t think I would be myself if I wasn’t challenged so much.

(I think they’d rather have me gone. They don’t hide it every well but I can pretend.)

I’m going to be honest, I was really bummed when Pendergast died. We were kind of the same age and he hung around the castle for most of my life. And my dad trusted him so we actually did stuff together sometimes. A lot of adventures that never really went anywhere. He could be kind of a stick in the mud but he never really minded that I’m a girl and let me tag along on crusades and helped me get better with weapons and stuff. And Pendergast was weirdly loyal to Dreamland, even after Dad forked his eye out. Or was it spooned? I don’t remember. Some kind of eating utensil. I wasn’t there when it happened. But it was nice knowing I could trust him. He could be kind of fun though when he was off-duty. Total lightweight though. He threw up on one of those little guys who carries dad’s cape once. 

(I wish I’d known him better. I really miss him but I can’t tell anyone since Dad gets set off by anything that even reminds him of the guy.)

Who else is there? That’s right, Mertz and Turbish. Turbish and Mertz. Two peas in a pod. Plus Mrs. Mertz. Don’t get me wrong, they are idiots. Totally incompentant. It’s a wonder they’re still alive. But they’re sweet. And they try. They’re not good at anything but they try. Sometimes I don’t want to try but they tell me I always can.

(I’m waiting for the day they realize they could have a better life. It’ll be weird not having them around the palace.)

I even kind of like Merkimer. As a pig, not a human. God, he was an awful human but he’s a funny little pig. He lets Luci ride on his back sometimes. Both of them like it way more than either of them will ever admit. It’s cute. I think they’re friends. If they’re not, Elfo and I will start plotting until they are. Or maybe not. A Luci-Merkimer friendship might be too much for Dreamland to handle. They’re kind of a lot, even on their own. Merkimer always kind of had a big head and it only got bigger when he accepted his new life. It’s actually kind of inspiring how happy he is now. 

(I don’t want him to change but he already has. It makes me sad sometimes.)

And Bunty. Oh, Bunty. And Stan! The world doesn’t really deserve Bunty. Stan does though. I think they’re the ones who taught me what real love is. Bunty always showed me love as a kid, she was like the second mom I never had but actually did have because Oona was there. But she gave me something neither Oona or Dagmar could. I didn’t really understand it until I saw her and Stan and their family together. I still don’t. They’re really sweet.

(I’d give them everything. I know they just see me as some spoiled princess though.)

I want what those two have. Or what Odval and Sorcerio have. What my dad had with Dagmar or Oona. What Elfo’s had, and Luci’s had, and Derek’s had, and the knights have had. It feels like everyone’s had that kind of deep love at some point except me. I didn’t even realize until I was talking to Mora. 

I’ve had the chance to have it. Merkimer, that brother of his I accidentally killed, that one time Pendergast made a pass at me, that Steamland guy… I don’t think any of it really would’ve worked out though. I’ve had a lot of things with guys and there’s been kissing and touching and I’ve always enjoyed it but I think I always knew it would never go anywhere. That it will never go anywhere. And I can’t even blame my dad because it’s all me. It’s always been me. And I’m okay with that? Maybe? I don’t think so but I’m not really good at understanding my feelings. It’s just another thing on the pile of things I won’t work through.

I think I understood what I had with Mora though. It wasn’t… romantic but it felt like it almost was. We just… clicked. It felt right. She was tough and funny and she didn’t hold anything back. She followed her dreams and didn’t let the world get her down. That one night we had together, I felt like we were alone in the world.

Mora gave me the ocean and the stars.

She was beautiful. Maybe that’s what was missing? None of the guys I ever screwed around with were beautiful. Not like Mora was. Not like a woman can be. I really felt like this was it but there was still that disconnect. Like something was there but not quite. Like something was missing. I don’t know what it was.

But then she just left. I had that dream and I just felt so happy. I’d never felt happiness like that. And I never felt pain like the pain I felt when I woke up and the necklace was gone. I definitely would’ve cried if Elfo wasn’t there. I might’ve actually cried a little bit. It’s kind of hard to hear anything when Elfo’s sobbing. Some of those tears might have been mine.

Did I love her? I don’t think so. Not like Elfo loved that boat. It wasn’t romantic. But it was real. It gives me hope. I don’t think I’m capable of the same kind of love everyone else seems capable of and that’s not even a slight at me. It’s just reality. But what I had with Mora, however brief and imagined it was, tells me that’s okay. I don’t need the kind of love everyone else has. Not when I have so many others in my life.

Still, I hope I see her again, even for a second, just to feel that kind of happiness again.

I think that’s what that elf meant when he said we are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are. Mora was beautiful and she didn’t see it but maybe she would if she saw how I looked at her. 

Stars and the ocean, I’ll never forget them. They’ll be a part of my mosaic forever.

Other AroWriMo Fics By Me, Posted on Ao3, Posted on FFN

[ellie-sande]

a deanoru analysis from someone that cannot stop thinking about their dumb-asses🥺🥺🥺😩😩

i was meaning to write this when the season came out.... but finals happened so we at it now. right, so at this point, we all know that i love me an interesting queer dynamic (euphoria and cazzie analyses here) and deanoru is by far both the simplest but somehow most intriguing one to dissect.

here’s the fuck whyyyy :)

nico: i feel like nico’s the only character in which clothing and makeup plays an important role in analysis, mostly because she’s a goth kaweeen. i think that nico’s wardrobe (predominantly black with the occasional white article of clothing).... the TASTE of it ALLL. nico usually wears black, so the times in which she’s wearing white are hella significant. i think it’s important that the first time that nico and karolina have a legit convo post-break-up in season 2 occurs when both of them, more importantly, nico, is wearing white. that’s the first time in EPISODES that home bitch is being honest about her fear of herself, the weight that being the leader puts on her, her emotional state, and her absolute REVERANCE for our bby karolina. 

it’s the first time her guard is down completely since before jonah.

and that’s a theme for her wearing white in general. she wears black with white accents in 3x01 in which she’s devastated about the possibility of losing karolina but optimistic in her and her team’s ability to get her back. she wears a white and black outfit when the team searches for alex in 3x08, where she and karolina start to heal as a couple, confess their love for each other, stand by each other. it’s also the ep in which we see nico’s greatest hope. that wedding made me fucking tear up🥺🥺🥺. i think, overall, nico is the most human of all of the runaways because she represents this duality that’s present in a lot of people: she’s an amazing and supportive friend and leader, but uses isolation as her self destructive coping mechanism. she’s passionate and fueled by love, but also extremely broken and scared which leads her to sometimes succumb to the darkness within her. she’s caring, kind, and warm in her own way, even if she tries and fails to put up a hard facade. she’s complex, and that’s what makes her so compelling. 

....also, she protective, but she a smol bean uwu*

karolina: ooooohhh bitch, home girl is soooo much more flawed than people give her credit for. i think people have a tendancy to assume that karolina’s this unproblematic bean that’s perfect, buuuuuuttt... sis. she is sooo much the product of her upbringing, it’s fucking insane. to get the obvious stuff out of the way she’s: nieve, trusting to a fault, overly optimistic, extremely family-oriented (even tho that’s bitten her in the ass a lot), she has this need to be a peacekeeper, to be there for everyone, she has a fear of being alone, has the ability to not be honest, can be pretty selfish sometimes. it’s especially obvious in the scene in season 2 where she confesses she’s been seeing her parents. her first reaction after assuming that nico was okay was that everything was okay and they could go back to how they were, but that’s obviously not the case. in a lot of ways, she betrayed her friends, especially nico (she’s such a fucking puppy, jeSUS). but the interesting thing about her is that most of her flaws are her strengths taken to an extreme, while most of nico’s flaws are her fears overpowering her strengths. ain’t that fucking BEAUTIFUL. the TASte. the ART. moneT WHOOO??? never heard of her

deanoru: the poetry of it allllllll hennyyyy. i see a lot of people thinking that they are foils, which i agreed with for a while, but then... an epiphany occured to me today like the second coming of christ. the reason that nico and karolina are so interesting to watch is because they’re more similar than they are different. they have a lot of the same strengths. nico and karolina are both: caring, kind, passionate, strong-willed, believers, rebellious, family-oriented, protective, intelligent. the difference is their weaknesses. nico can be overcome by her fear of herself or others which leads her to have the ability to be callous, cold, closed-off, a lone wolf. karolina’s weaknesses lie in her strength. that’s what makes them a compelling couple to watch. the difference in their personalities lie in how they attack pain and frustration, and nico has been through the most. i think deanoru’s first scene in the bathroom is so indicative of their dynamic. karolina’s first words to her are that she doesn’t have to hide behind all that makeup and i think that the statement works in two-fold. first is that nico obviously is using makeup as a mask to further isolate herself, which we’ve already established is her form of self-destruction, and throughout the seasons, nico’s most impactful emotional beats are done when she’s almost bare-faced: it a visual queue to the audience that she feels safe enough to let her guard down. BUT the statement is also hella judgemental on karolina’s part, which i think is a part of her arc in season 3. a part of her is scared of nico’s darkness and what could become of it. her biggest fear is losing nico to the darkness. her disdain for witchcraft is mostly rooted in that: a part of her is scared of nico’s darkness and her tendency to use it as a tool for self-destruction.

the finale: that shit hit different. i absolutely loved that they chose to show that nico and karolina weren’t together after the events of the fight. it shows that there were problems that weren’t resolved, especially nico’s tendency to isolate after she feels as though she’s endangered people she loves. it showed that the writers acknowledged that these characters are flawed and human and they let them be that way. they are all driven by familial bond and when a piece of that family is taken away from them, they fall into their old habits. that’s the most human shit i’ve ever seen. but most importantly, this last episode does an amazing job at summarizing the theme of the season: failure is okay and human, and strength is found in love. some people think that the fact that a version of nico and karolina’s doesn’t end happily is depressing or discouraging but i think the opposite. the ending of the show was forgiving on the characters, especially nico, because they were able to change their pasts and make a brighter future for all of them. in the back half of the episode, older deanoru look at baby deanoru having a conversation that probably felt like a resolution to all of their problems in that moment. nico appreciated karolina believing in her and was appreciative of it and they had a wholesome kiss and that was it. nico, being from the future knows that her greatest mistake is not staying next to karolina and growing with her because of her tendency to work on her strengths and run from her weaknesses, to isolate herself. the ending is forgiving and kind in a way that i don’t think i’ve seen enough people appreciate: nico was able to affect her future and make it something better, something that we all we wish we could do and the fact that her biggest regret was shutting karolina out and isolating herself to work on her powers says a lot about their bond. also, that last line from alternate reality karo and nico: promise me that you’ll find me????? absolutely beautiful. do i smell... SOULMATES????

anywhooo, i hope this was satisfactory. lmk what y’all think bc i love a good conversation 😩

[minnuet-archive]

about me!

hey! i'm vio.

that's not my real name (by real name, i don't mean dead name - i mean chosen name that i use in real life), but it doesn't mean i chose it at random. viola (vio) is my online name for a reason.

i chose the name viola because even though it's a girl's name, it's also the name of one of shakespeare's most sexually ambiguous characters to exist. vio, while also being a nickname for viola, is it's own name that comes from the word vita, meaning life.

in fact, i want vio to be my middle name once i legally change my name.

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i've kind of come to terms with my good traits and my not-so-good traits. i've been described as charismatic, kind, intelligent, patient, caring, thoughtful, good at giving advice, and funny. but the downside to being (supposedly) charismatic is that i can be manipulative. i also lie a little more than i should because of my anxiety.

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sexuality and gender wise, i'm not someone you can put into labels. i'm equally okay with he/him and they/them pronouns, so i'm perfectly comfortable with either the label trans ftm or nonbinary.

although i'm TECHNICALLY pansexual, I enjoy the term queer because it makes me feel less self conscious about if i'm more straight than gay (or vice versa) and things like that.

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i'm: - a pisces - a slytherin (although i don't support j.k. rowling herself and i don't love the harry potter series either, knowing my house will probably help you get a feel for who i am) - an enfj/infj (it changes a surprising amount) - an 8 (then a 3, then a 5) in the enneagram - chaotic neutral - a son of loki - a son of either hermes or hades (it's been a long internal debate)

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i love: - hunter x hunter (ハンター×ハンター / hantā hantā) - attack on titan (進撃の巨人 / shingeki no kyojin) - my hero academia (僕のヒーローアカデミア / boku no hīrō akademia) - death note (デスノート / desu nōto) - haikyu!! (ハイキュー!! / haikyū!!) - violet evergarden (ヴァイオレット・エヴァーガーデン / vaioretto evāgāden) - nura: rise of the yokai clan (ぬらりひょんの孫 / nurarihyon no mago / nurarihyon's grandson) - ouran high school host club (桜蘭高校ホスト部 / ōran Kōkō Hosuto Kurabu) - black clover (ブラッククローバー / burakku kurōbā) - yuri!!! on ice (ユーリ!!! on ICE) - westworld - the politician - the haunting of hill house - the good place - good omens - brooklyn nine-nine - on my block - lost in space - many more

i'm a big shipper and it causes me quite a bit of pain considering i mostly ship gay ships and i also mostly watch animes so they'll never happen.

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i used to play basketball and tennis, but now i mainly just use my dad's peloton bike and go on runs. oh, and i also snowboard and surf! i'm pretty good at surfing although i need someone to push me on a wave and i'm getting a lot better at snowboarding (although i'm not GOOD).

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i enjoy cooking too, but don't have enough time or energy for it. i love horror movies and house plants, but i can't take care of them for shit.

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i really like to listen to music!!! it's very hard to describe my musical taste, but my top grneres are modern rock, indie pop, indie, pop, rock, electropop, and dance pop. 

i used to listen to more emo music, but recently i’ve found that it just gets me down, so i try to listen to upbeat/chill music.

my spotify account name is strangecharm if you want to follow me! the playlist currently. has music that rotates as i find my favorite songs, but seventh grade. has all the music i've liked this year! i also really enjoy the playlist chill.

i also like musicals (dear evan hansen, be more chill, heathers, six the musical, and hamilton for the most part), but they're not what i listen to for the most part.

oh! i'm a singer and a pianist! i've always loved singing, but i always hated piano. a while ago, i got significantly better and started playing songs i enjoyed. it gave me this sense of motivation i've never felt when it comes to piano. i've even composed a couple piano pieces at this point!

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another really nerdy thing about me is that i genuinely enjoy philosophy and poetry (particularly from one of my favorites, rumi).

i love: - john green - david levithan - terry pratchett - neil gaiman - tomi adeyemi - rick riordan - jalāl ad-dīn muhammad rūmī (aka rumi; he’s an ancient persian poet, and he’s queer as hell) overall, i don't really read by authors, though. for the most part, when i choose a book, it's because it was recommended to me or is of value to me as an author.

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i'd like to grow up to be an author, but i also want to teach writing so i can share what i know! my (dream) life plan is kind of to go to college in london or, if not, somewhere on the east coast of the united states.

from there, i'd either want to study abroad in japan or get my english abroad permit and teach english in japan.

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i'm re-learning spanish and learning japanese, too! i want to learn them for four main reasons among many: 1) knowing spanish is really helpful in america 2) i can write novels in english, spanish, and japanese! 3) both spanish and japanese are absolutely beautiful languages- way more beautiful than english. 4) i can watch animes and have peace of mind because i won't have to read subtitles that are insanely off from what the voice actors are saying.

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i'm an eclectic witch (although i am particularly drawn to divination and green witchcraft)!

i really love tarot cards! some people think they can tell the future which is okay (i guess), but personally, i just use them to help me recognize themes in my and other people's life/lives from an unbiased perspective and help make things better.

my favorite kind of spells are jar spells and tea spells. if i'm doing spells, they're normally protection spells, self-love spells, or anti-anxiety/depression/bad vibe spells. i don't really believe in trying to use hexes or curses because then you're no better than the person you're cursing.

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i love art, but i'm not very good at it, so for the most part i do abstract art instead of realistic art. abstract art is pretty fun, too!

i'm trying to get better at using proportions and things, though. my favorite method is the loomis method and i love the youtube channel proko.

you can check out my book on wattpad, artistic elixir (i know, cheesy; i thought i was cool and i’m too lazy to rename it), if you want to see some of my art.

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i have a lot of unpopular opinions. some are big and some are small. that's just who i am. my mom's insanely left wing and lgbtq+ herself, but my dad's neither left nor right wing, leaving him hated by both wings. i've become a weird mix where i'm definitely more left wing than right, but i'm also not really either wing.

for example, i think that, if I'm being honest, the amount of labels in LGBTQ+ community has gotten out of hand. i'm not saying that the feelings aren't real. I'm not saying that it's impossible to not want to have sex or feel physical attraction until you get to know someone. but some genders & sexualities sound a lot more like a preference to me. i think that a lot of labels that exist could easily fit into other ones that already did exist. i also feel that you need some kind of dysphoria to be genderqueer and that neopronouns are a bit unnecessary.

basically, the rule of thumb for me is that i don't give a fuck. by saying this, i mean that i both do not give a fuck: 1) in that you can do whatever you want and be whoever you want and don't have to to live by my opinions. i understand and respect that and i’ll love you the same as long as you’re not hurting anyone with your actions. 2) in that i won't tiptoe around you, trying not to hurt you. i will share my opinion, regardless of whether or not it hurts you. i speak my mind; that's how i've always been and always will be.

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i have a pinterest, a wattpad, an archive of our own, a spotify, and, obviously, a tumblr, so just ask me if you want my account on any of them!

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that’s basically all i can think of, but i’ll always answer questions for you guys! just send me an ask or even a pm if you want to ask any other questions, or even just want to talk! i’m always up for making friends!

-vio/viola 

[mild-lunacy]

It is what it is (so here we are)

I've just said recently that I do still see implicit Johnlock, and even if I'm not blindingly happy with S4, then at least I'm not turned off from the canon (just from fandom, but then it doesn't take much). I enjoyed it a lot, particularly the pulp genre stuff and the clever bits. It's hard to remember when I'm on Tumblr, but I did. It's my sort of thing, story-wise. Of course, it could have been more. And I do think it *should* have been more. But it is what it is. I want to celebrate that and not drown in negativity for the characters I adore and writers I still admire, but at the same time, I'd certainly like to support fair critiques. And in that spirit, I feel the need to push back against the negativity directed at all the people who expected implicit subtext to become explicitly canon, and are now disappointed. Quite rationally so.

Basically, I feel sort of on the fence right now. As I recently said, in many ways, TJLC as a fandom phenomenon has left me behind. And I do understand @unreconstructedfangirl's frustration at the state of fandom-- squee harshing has been an understatement, and my own squee balloon is definitely in danger of popping. But frankly, I'm never going to apologize for having been a TJLCer (and other people's beliefs or behavior have nothing to do with me; I claim neither fault nor credit). Just because some people do things one disagrees with doesn't mean a title (eg, feminist) shouldn't apply to everyone else, so I'd embraced the TJLC label although I had usually referred to it as 'canon Johnlock'. To me, it's simply been about analyzing the direction of a TV show to the best of my ability. It turned out that it wasn't as internally consistent or as groundbreaking a narrative as we all thought (and hoped), even though it remains a wonderfully made, clever, fun and moving story that I'll always love.

I feel very entitled to speak about this 'cause I know 100% I'm not being hormonal or emotional. I'm absolutely not speaking out of shippy feeling (though of course I have feelings). This isn't about feelings for me, and it's not about shipping. It's continuously frustrating that after all this time, Johnlock-friendly people in fandom still think this is about shipping. Canon Johnlock was the result of my *analysis* and my understanding of narrative construction concepts as a writer and critic. In my reasoned opinion, this awareness should be part of the analysis of the show's character arcs made by any halfway intelligent or literate person. This actually includes Moffat and Gatiss, even *if* the subtext wasn't intentional (which I find very hard to believe). The fact is that the overall narrative doesn't really make sense unless you integrate the subtext of the show, and that subtext is that John and Sherlock have romantic feelings for each other. This is explicitly referenced by many characters, supported by multiple mirrors, and overall just hammered into the textual themes and is central to Sherlock's humanization arc.

To make it absolutely clear, this isn't about my fangirl's shippy need to see John and Sherlock kiss and live happily ever after. I literally do not even *care* about my favorite characters' happiness: I'm an angst fan. I also don't really care what fandom does or *can* do in terms of shippy fanworks based on the text. I can never really relate to such arguments, or be glad canon Johnlock wasn't actualized for the sake of fannish diversity. Honestly, I find such claims to be derailing. I do love the fandom's creativity and I enjoy many, many different types of fanworks. But the fact is that I'm a canon-whore through and through, and I was *talking* about canon when I talked about TJLC and canon Johnlock.

So basically, talking about what fandom needs or could/couldn't use in fics is just alienating to the point of being meaningless to me. I don't see why it's relevant or why I should prioritize this in my analysis of a relationship I consider purely on its canonically-based merits. I also think that whole conversation can get especially derailing when we were talking about representation, which is (of course) a whole other kettle of fish, but not one to ignore or hand-wave. Certainly, it's not something to hand-wave like the BBC has done recently, with references to the creators' attention to queer charities. However, neither is it something to use as social capital in fandom wank, with constant references to being queer yourself or any other kind of 'queer cred'. This isn't about your and/or mine and even Mark Gatiss's queer cred (or the lack thereof). The very *idea* of queer cred and all the ways people from the BBC all the way across fandom feel the need to be defensive about it is fundamentally derailing. This is about the *story*, and secondarily-- but not less importantly-- about its impact on and meaning for its (often queer, often young, often vulnerable) audience.

Personally, I just want good, consistent writing that makes sense, that builds on its own themes and honors and develops the characters. I will admit, of course, that emotional pay-off and resolution is part and parcel of what makes fictional suffering work in an arc, unless you're writing a tragedy. Needless to say, Series 4 did not offer this-- not simply for Johnlock shippers, but for anyone who wanted to feel the pain in Series 3 and 4 was 'worthwhile'. I say this even though I personally don't really need such pay-off; I'm a cold-prickly type reader who's generally happy with implicit emotional resolution, but it's not how most audiences work, as any good writer would be aware. Story arcs come to explicit conclusions because that's how good stories work, not because that's how shippers want them to work. This may not always be relevant, but BBC Sherlock is *already* a Western-style genre narrative in the classic style, filled with many romantic cliches and queer-coded up the wazoo. It's already a traditionally structured narrative, and its main characters are already shown to be in love to anyone not being strictly limited by heteronormativity. Even people who don't label themselves 'TJLC' get this, either due to literary analysis literacy or a willingness to see what's right in front of them. Given that, the disagreement was only ever about the likelihood of there being an explicitly romantic resolution by intent. However, the fact is that regardless of Moffat and Gatiss's intent, good writing means following your characters' lead rather than doing what you apparently always wanted, whether it's to do with only 'flirting with the homoeroticism' in the narrative, the direction of the character arcs or plot-wise.

Of course, I disagree with many of the critiques that say TFP represented a complete break in characterization, and I agree with Ivy that TFP did work as a resolution of Sherlock's main arc; I also agree that it opens the door to resolving the 'rifle on the wall' of Sherlock's avoidance of romantic entanglement. Further, I don't really think Mofftiss have some sort of direct responsibility to their fans or to the world, and of course they should be free to write the story they wanted to write (just as others are free to critique). But at the same time, Moffat himself has said that good writing is "defined by whether or not you've written or created something people want and like", and it's not supposed to be self-indulgent. It's *supposed* to consider the audience, on his own terms. He's also called himself a fanfic writer, and he's failed his own measure of what makes a good fanfic work: writing "for other people". That approach is definitely not consistent with the fact that they admitted at SDCC in July that TFP was 'insane wish-fulfillment'. This is not up to the standard Moffat and Gatiss have set for themselves during the run of the show.

Like I said, though, I'm definitely on the fence-- I'm torn, because of course I *enjoyed* Series 4 and I'm not really that confused except insofar as wondering why Moffat and Gatiss have so often felt the need to deny what's clearly intentional subtext placed with care and affection into the narrative by the entire team. I'm definitely not enjoying the fandom imploding, or the fact that it feels pretty lonely around here in the post-S4 fangirl bunker. But the negativity about canon Johnlock is no more rationally justified simply because it has not actually happened (I mean *only* rationally, of course; obviously, irrational reactions due to bad blood are eternal). I'm definitely frustrated with the fact that I'm still one of the 'delusional fangirl' brigade when it comes to BBC Sherlock, even though I know perfectly well how rational I am. I will not be gaslighted so easily. And I've just tried to see the straight!John in ASiB, but it's just too hard. There's no way all that's an accident, somehow. So here's what we're left with, after TFP and the end of Series 4 of Sherlock: the good and the bad. And while I still think the good included implicit Johnlock, the bad unfortunately did include queer-baiting.

[crookedtalks]

Bookish Thoughts: Absolute Power: Tales of Queer Villainy

Book: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/33789743-absolute-power

Goodreads synopsis:  DANGEROUS WOMEN: TALES OF QUEER VILLAINY—edited and with an introduction by lesbian comics tastemaker Erica Friedman—brings you thirteen short stories of power, destruction and chaos by women who love other women almost as much as they love taking over the world! These 238 pages of deliciously dastardly stories of super-powered villainy are contained in a wraparound cover by artist Agnes Czaja (Anything That Loves) and contain contributions from a group of visionary writers.

Well, this book took me a lot longer than I thought to finish reading. ^^; This is the second anthology I’m reviewing on this blog, and I must say I enjoyed this anthology more than the previous one. I would give this anthology a 3.75 stars out of 4, but it’s not quite a 4 star read - so only a 3 star on goodreads (why no half-star system goodreads??).

I got this ebook from the kickstarter campaign and I was very excited to read it, and to support it, not only because it features queer characters (as main characters) and queer romance, but it is also written by queer authors, which is even rarer, and I feel that it is important (personally) that these books get read and reviewed too. I feel like book reviewers whether on social media platforms like youtube, or book bloggers can do a bigger part to lend their voice to these more neglected books, and I want to do that more on this blog, starting with this book.

I really loved that the queerness of the characters wasn’t the whole/sole plot point for the stories (as if that’s the only reason why queer characters are protagonists) and that the queer characters in this anthology are all spread across a spectrum of moralities (the villains and the heroes). The stories were also very different from each other, with each of the stories having their own colourful worlds and and uniquely powerful voices. Overall, it was a fun ride, much like a rollercoaster at a theme park. I’ll definitely me checking out more releases by North West Press in the future. In bold are the stories that I particularly liked (keep in mind that I have a preference for more serious stories), with a small comment on each of the stories in the collection. 

1. Final Grades by Erica Friedman

This story had a really interesting setting of a supervillain school, which I thought gave the reader a very interesting “frame” going into the story. There’s a plot twist at the end which was not completely unpredictable though, since it was already revealed at the start of the story that only a single person has ever graduated from the supervillain school. 

2. Date Night by Tristan J. Tarwater

Another classic supervillain story, where the supervillain goes on a date which gets interrupted by her sidekick. Her date though turns out to be someone unexpected. A fun, fast paced short read with some somewhat predictable twists (which kept the story moving and interesting) and flashy action near the end.

3. Eden’s Revenge by Missouri Vaun

Unlike the previous two stories, this is not a supervillain story but more of a vengeance story where our protagonist/villain is seeking revenge against the man who caused her sister’s suicide. It was all right, I didn’t really gel with this story as well though for some reason. Part of it could be because I didn’t really care for the protagonist - again, most likely a personal preference thing. Not sure about how I feel about the protagonist’s revenge plan being explained as “insanity” at the end of the story though...

4. Gentleman Jack by Barbara Ann Wright

Our protagonist/villain, a smug cross-dressing robber with charm abilities, meets her match in a stubborn, slightly uptight law women armed with science. This has potential to be a satisfying rom-com plot. I kind of wished that the story was a teeny bit longer just to see their cat-and-mouse relationship develop, but at the same time it ended at a place where it felt right. Great character chemistry.

5. Fallen by Audrey Chase

A much more serious story than the previous ones (which were all pretty light-hearted), which also has the gore factor turned up significantly higher. The grittiness and violence in this story was a refreshing change, and showed how terrifying and devastating a villain’s actions can be. This story, I feel, has one of the more interesting “grey” villains, with less clear-cut motives and “evilness”, which I really liked, but may not be for everyone. I would say this is the first story in the collection that I would peg as a tragedy.

6. The Devil Inside by JD Glass

A reporter visits hell to interview the devil herself, then gets interrupted by a mutiny. It was a fun read at first, with the little quips and jokes (eg. hell monsters needing moisturizers for their dry non-human skin), but it soon got on my nerves when the jokes started to get a bit too repetitive/play too much into stereotypes/too random and irrelevant to the plot, only present to provide some cheap humour, and it felt like the writer is a bit too confident of how funny they are and is smugly rubbing it in your face; however, humour is a very subjective thing and it might just be that it didn’t hit the right buttons in me. I felt like the “twist” at the end was confusing and didn’t make any sense/fit into the plot too. 

7. Glitter Bomb by Emily Kay Singer

A fun, nonsensical read that relishes in just how absurd its own plot is. Obviously, this is not a story you read for a “deep” plot, or even a plot that makes sense, which is fine because the author is obviously aware of that, and plays around with the common “superhero story” tropes, which makes it even more entertaining. It ends with a tidy, sweet and romantic ending (for people who like happy endings).  

8. For Want of a Heart by A. Merc Rustad

Oh man, this story made me cry a few tears. Maybe because for a moment I really clicked with the protagonist and identified with what she was going through in the story. Not a happy ending (no spoilers though!), but I really loved the use of language, in this story for some reason. I feel like this is a bud that could have been expanded into a much longer, more elaborate complex story, with more fleshed out characters and more complex motivations, which in some ways is a shame. Personally, probably up there as one of my favourites in this anthology, although I felt that the ending was a bit rushed which made the reveal at the end less impactful.

9. Absolution by Claire Monserrat Jackson

You can tell that the author has really put some thought in terms of world building - the history that was briefly mentioned, the magic system etc. This story takes place in a futuristic post-apocalyptic world where the Fae (fairy-land) has sort of burst through into the human world and caused all sorts of problems, and our protagonist in this story is a spunky (presumably powerful) for-hire problem-solver with magic powers, who has a undead “Afterlife” chain-smoking sidekick. I really liked the characters and the world-building, and there seems to be an entire novella the author has written based on this world, which I will definitely be checking out.

10. So Many Things Seem Filled With the Intent by Jude McLaughlin

Our main protagonist visits the lab of an evil mad scientist with her girlfriend, which is great because all the previous stories have yet to feature an evil mad scientist. This story felt like an small exploration of the “mad scientist” trope, featuring both a “good” mad scientist (our protagonist’s girlfriend) and an “evil” one, but at the same time, the scientist characters felt distinct from each other and developed enough. I liked the sense of rivalry between the scientist characters, and personally I liked the main protagonist quite a bit. 

11. The Prado By Chance by Leia Weathington

Our main protagonist is an underpaid, underappreciated, and unabashedly corrupt FBI agent who one day gets a little surprise on one of her under-the-table “missions”. I like how our protagonist needs to rely mainly on her cunning to manipulate and carry out her plans and not any kind of super power or ability like the other stories; it makes the protagonist feel immediately a few degrees more human and closer to home, especially since greed and corruption are very human in nature. 

12. Jaguar Light by Susan Smith

Our protagonist, a petty criminal who lives in accordance with her desires and fancies, teams up with her nemesis when another villain gains power that gets out of control. I really liked the incorporation of Aztec mythology as the source of power for our protagonist in the story; I also thought that the main villain was pretty lame (and I’m not just referring to her name), because there I didn’t feel any real punch behind her desire for power. She’s pretty flat as a character, and with such weak motivations that I didn’t feel that threatened at any point in the story at all. Her connection to the protagonist was also kind of explained in a one-liner which feels a little too casual. However, I liked the dynamics and contrasts between the protagonist and her nemesis.

13. Chrome Crash by Mari Kurisato

This story is a little messy and hard to describe but I’ll try my best: the story splits into two at the beginning, following the history of two girls with powers who seem to be unrelated at first, but we discover their connection to each other as the story progresses. It sounds vague I know, but I had the feeling of looking into murky water when I was reading this story. One thing that confused me the most was that at the beginning of the story we got a whole chunk of a part of one of the girls’ pasts, which I thought was her origin story at first in relation to the rest of the story, but upon nearing the end I realized that it had no bearing on the original plot of the story at all - it was not an origin story, nor explained any of the character’s personality, traits, trauma, etc, etc, and that whole chunk could have been taken out with no change to the original story. Also, regarding the connection between the two girls as mentioned earlier: the whole time when I was reading the story, I was asking why? What is the purpose of their connection? What I feel, is that this story is some sort of chopped up lite version of another story where important bits that make the story coherent are missing, which is such as shame because I really like the villain characters, small traces of the what is good and what is evil debate, the exploration of the involvement of politics and the military in superpowers etc. It had such great potential.

This review is a lot longer than my usual review and took much much longer than I thought it would to write. I may be slightly harsh in my comments on certain stories, and I’m certainly biased towards some stories than others, so I’ll say again here that I enjoyed this anthology and would encourage anybody who would like to read short stories about lesbian villains to pick this up.