#There is actually a separation between George the driver and George the person

[erelavent]

P.S. I wrote this 3 weeks ago but was sitting on it. That being said, given the fact that someone took a video of George using the restroom, I thought that now was as good a time to publish it as ever.

I've arisen from the dead to write another think piece that not a single person asked for but that I think is important, and that is the trajectory of the F1 fandom.

I want to start off by saying that not everyone who is a fan of F1 is in fandom and vice versa. Not everyone who watches F1 is heavily involved with the drivers off track. Likewise, some people just read the fanfiction and watch the edits but aren't very aware of the racing (yes, they exist).

That being said, F1 was transitioning from fans to fandom for over a decade. That's due to multiple factors, F1 becoming more entertainment than sport, the lifting of social media restrictions placed on drivers by F1 and the teams. Drivers are now able to have their own social media accounts and independent ventures that help to differentiate and personify them. The transition of members of other fandoms (Justin Bieber, One Direction, Teen Wolf, etc) into F1 as the natural lifetimes of those fandoms end. Of course, this process was sped up exponentially and completed by DTS and the pandemic (this will be relevant later). Now I think we are reaching the inflection point of the fandom which is where my concern stems from.

Every fandom has that one moment where things reach the point of no return. I'm worried because as a 25-year-old veteran of the One Direction fandom whose brain has now fully developed (knock on wood), I know the pattern of how these things end.

Typically, it starts with a collective heightened interest in one or more individuals, people become fans, they give themselves a name, subcultures form (liking certain drivers over others is like picking your kpop bias or 1D fave), the infighting starts and some fights are worse than others (AD21 doesn't even hold a candle to the fights the Larry shippers and non-Larry shippers had in 2013), then comes the literal obliteration of privacy. This is usually done because members of the fandom use information as currency and the more you know, the more dedicated you are, the more you cement your position within this community or fandom that you've built. The side effect of this is the commodification of human beings.

We're seeing the invasion of privacy ramp up right now in a number of ways. It's people demanding insight into drivers' romantic relationships. It's people waiting outside drivers' hotels. It's the fanfiction writing and superimposing of characteristics and qualities onto drivers as a way to feel closer to them. It's full-blown stalking.

Typically, this fever breaks in some sort of peak event where people get hurt, usually socially and psychologically, but sometimes, physically. Then the celebrity has to pick up the pieces. When this happens, it can end in 3 ways. 2 are very common, and the third way is extremely rare.

The first way it can end is by the celebrity losing their mind. I mean this literally, as in a psychological break. It's happened with Britney Spears, Amanda Bynes, Justin Bieber, etc. The pressure and expectations overtake them, and they are unable to continue like they did before.

The second way it can end is seclusion. The more invasive people are, the more they pull back. Think of Dolly Parton, Dan and Phil, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik, take your pick. There is a concerted effort to remove themselves from the narrative and return to a sense normalcy. Whether a celebrity falls into either of these first two categories is heavily dependent on their support system.

The last and very rare case is what I like to call the Niall Horan Anomaly. It's the case where you are somehow completely entrenched in fandom and yet manage to exit completely unscathed. Despite being a former member of One Direction, Niall is completely non-polarizing. He has no known enemies and appears to not have any social or psychological damage. He very skillfully navigated fame and fandom and is thriving as a result. This is really difficult to do and I think requires incredible mental strength.

The rise of DTS during a time period where people were socially isolated and turned to reality entertainment to feel connections with others made people latch on to drivers as if they knew them personally. Now that we are on the other side of quarantine, people are taking those online parasocial relationships and transforming them into real life and in-person.

As someone who grew up in an era where people hacked airport and hotel cameras to find out where member of One Direction were going and staying, I know that this is only going to get worse. I hate to put it on the drivers to change their behavior, but the drivers need to be incredibly conscientious about what they share, when, and with who. They also need to enforce hard boundaries and put safety measures in place to ensure that they and their loved ones are safe.

[brakingpoint]

Adding onto the point you made about rpf and I just wanna mention the video that Mercedes released of George reacting to his 'meme' scenes and imo you can clearly tell that at one point he was just so uncomfortable? And how that is not okay because at the end of the day thay are the ones providing the content and if they all are made to feel like that, than i wouldn't be suprised if they just stopped sharing personal stuff?

i checked this video out after seeing this ask and it was certainly just... a choice to have him react to one girl's extended tiktok that was just thirsting over his photoshoot. like it wasn't actually a "meme" there was no real humour to it there was nothing for him to really say about it (which i think at least partially contributes to his awkwardness in that section)... like the person who made that tiktok is in the comments and she's chill about it seemingly but it's such a weird decision. i know "celebrities read thirst tweets" has been a thing for years but that's normally quick, snappy, slightly absurd statements that actually are funny enough to get a reaction, plus they usually blur out the author's handle & photo and often their display name too. to just make you look at one young woman's actual face and listen to her actual voice for a minute straight as she talks (fairly blandly, no offence to this woman, she was just trying to generically thirst in peace i presume) about how good you look in a photoshoot is just... so strange and i can't figure out what the person who planned that video thought the appeal of that section would be or what george would possibly have to say about it?

imo that definitely comes into the same category as admins using ship names etc in that they're taking things that are definitely intended for intra-community conversation and, because in the current age of social media (and especially on hyper-algorithmic platforms like tiktok) fan spaces and official spaces are exactly the same thing, decide that they can get more attention from the younger fangirl [theoretically gender neutral, though i'd guarantee marketing teams aren't viewing it that way] demographic by acknowledging them and leaning into the lack of separation between church and state (blorbocedes, 2023).

then people who are new to fandom & don't know the etiquette, especially in rpf fandoms, think - quite understandably, if this is the way admins are acting - oh cool, well in that case it's okay and normal for me to talk about ships/thirst/my y/n fantasies to the drivers and teams, and if that gets engagement the admins will continue blurring those lines and pandering to the shipper demographic as far as they can without actually getting into inappropriate territory, and this will make the existence of the rpf side of f1 fandom even more noticeable & something of a curiosity attraction to other types of fan. and as has already been discussed all this almost certainly won't lead to a "George and Lewis Read Your Fanfictions" video posted by mercedes-amg petronas f1 team's official youtube channel. but it could more realistically lead to one of like lando or max's mates namedropping everything changes or whatever in a twitch stream as a gag. which, i must stress, we also do not want

really tl;dr i guess it's. as people have been saying, a lot of the drivers are probably aware that rpf (slash fics or x reader) exists. we live in a post-larry world after all. but that does not mean they need to be privy to the details or have it shoved in their faces or have open discussion around it encouraged by their own social media teams

[f0point5]

I really don’t get the arguments that Carlos is miles ahead of Charles this year. They’re all based on where in the standings each one stands, but if you look at the actual points only 20ish points separate them. And that’s with Charles having dnfs, a dsq, and a dns as well as grid penalties for having to take new parts or the team not communicating with him. Like Charles’ car gave out the first race to no fault of his own and then had a 10 place grid penalty the next race.

If Carlos was dominating Charles, then the points gap would be much larger like it is with Fernando and Lance or even Lewis and George.

Charles has been driving a car not suited to him (which as we now know is a slower car than last year’s) and he’s been getting good results.

Whereas Carlos is driving a car that was developed towards his driving style and isn’t doing wonders with it. Instead every other week he’s switching between being comfortable or uncomfortable in the car based on if he’s ahead of Charles or not.

With the whole Monza thing, I don’t see the problem. It’s racing, they’re both trying to get on the podium at Monza because as Ferrari drivers it’s special. Two Ferraris battling it out is probably something that most tifosi would like to see. I know I would prefer drivers battling it out for a position over a procession to the end

I haven’t really seen anyone Saying Carlos is miles ahead…and he’s demonstrably not.

Was the person referring to the Monza driving as a clown show??? Like the…racing? In a…car race. Okay well that explains a lot. Yeah no sorry unless your teammate is Max/Lewis/Alonso level of dominant in the team and they’re racing for a championship, why should you not be allowed to do what you’re hired to do and race the car. Charles wasn’t going to get half Carlos’s P3 trophy for sitting behind like a grandma. Again, if it’s George racing Lewis while Lewis is in a title fight, that’s a clown show (on Toto’s part, to not make clear that he can’t do that, not the driver who just wants to race and doesn’t get a trophy for being a doormat), but in Ferrari’s position…race on imo.

[yesterdayiwrote]

The Charles Leclerc links to mercedes are back and I always think people are a little but mad for wanting George and Charles in the same team. Personally I think that would be a terrible move for Charles, moving to a team where the other driver is months younger than you, had a very similar junior career to you and has been at the team since he was young does not have the hallmarks of a sucess. Plus I get the vibes from George that he is not above physicological warfair against teammates, it is known he has a temper and part of me thinks the only reason he has so few issues with Lewis is how he respects him and knows he is at the latter stages of his career, George won't have that respect for Charles. I also can't imagine Mercedes would want to risk another silverwar, which I think would happen between george and charles. I mean look at what is going on behind the scenes at ferrari, would mercedes want to risk charles and george feuding and fighting? Granted I have no idea who could be georges teammate, I feel of all the young drivers, he has the highest chance of having issues with a teammate and it becoming volatile. Sorry for rambling in your askbox but everywhere has a huge charles boner and hateboner for george so ...

I think the thing is, Mercedes definitely is just not at a point where they’re looking to make that sort of decision?

Obviously they’ll be looking for a back up should things fall through with Lewis, which, honestly, even hearing his quotes to the contrary, I feel may be closer to happening than he’s perhaps letting on right now.

But then there’s so many balls in the air it’s hard to really call what they or any driver would do.

Right now, if Red Bull is calling, no driver will pick Merc over them. It’s hard to see right now which seats will be attractive offers for next year given how things are constantly evolving. At the start of the season everyone would be clambering for an AM seat and no one would want McLaren. Now ten races later, circumstances would differ hugely.

Would Merc be a step up or aside for Charles right now? It’s very hard to tell. Is Merc going to be a long term drive plan? Again, very hard to tell.

Not to mention who even knows if it would be the best seat for George in a few years time. I think everyone’s hoping they pick back up in 2026 but nothing is guaranteed.

I actually think if Merc do invest in George and he sticks with them, then anyone on a par with him is possibly a bad choice. The only one of that group I feel could work is possibly Alex, but I think Charles/Lando/Max… they’re all better off at separate teams from each other because two drivers with the same aims at the same points in their career is just bad news… that’s partly why Ferrari just isn’t working out as a pairing imo, even putting aside some of their weird strategies.

[champagnepodiums]

I don’t disagree with your theory about George but personally I’m not a fan of the content. To me it comes off as slightly too forced and like they’re trying too hard. Kind of like the other anon said, that they’re trying to market themselves as an ‘it’ couple rather than just being themselves?

On the other hand, the Valtteri video, which obviously was planned and staged and they put loads of effort into, almost feels the opposite because he’s laughing at himself and isn’t bothered about looking stupid? (If that makes sense?)

I mean, they're crafting a brand. They're crafting the George Russell brand.

I wonder if George's previous (bad) experiences with social media has influenced him and his team into going the ultra-curated route because then I think that allows George extra separation between him and social media.

Here's the thing though -- all of the F1 driver's social media is curated. Even when it seems like it's not, it is.

But also, in a way, I think maybe George's social media actually does reflect who he is. He has always seemed like a very motivated, type A perfectionist and I think his social media reflects that so maybe? his content is actually more authentic than people give credit for.

[messengerhermes]

The man who assaulted protestors with his car, murdering Deona Marie Erickson, has been charged with intentional second-degree murder, the maximum sentence--if he is convicted--will be 40 years: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/16/us/nicholas-kraus-minneapolis-protests.html

It is important to note that Minneapolis' local government made promises to create a separate reviewing body for their police department after the murder of George Floyd by police on May 25, 2020, however, the legislative process has been slow, and the vote to shift city funds towards community support instead of cops is not scheduled until fall of this year: https://www.npr.org/2021/05/25/1000298293/a-year-after-george-floyds-death-plans-for-minneapolis-police-reform-have-soften In the meantime, while Derek Chauvin was found guilty of George Floyd's murder, the other three officers' trials have been pushed back til August 2021: https://www.npr.org/sections/trial-over-killing-of-george-floyd/2021/04/21/989465546/whats-next-in-the-trials-of-4-former-police-officers-over-george-floyds-murder When schools teach about public policy work, they constantly remind students that there is a long process between an inciting incident and the point in which actual legal change happens. Laws take a long time to get written and a longer time to turn into provisions that are enacted. Which, yes, yes, great, people are trying for progress, but when the message is "we must be patient, change is happening" this is what we get. We get authorities murdering Winston Boogie Smith Jr. scarcely two weeks after the anniversary of George Floyd's murder, while a policy draft for police reform is sitting on the desks of the city commission. There are some things that cannot wait for the slowness of the legal process. As of April 2021, across the United States, police have murdered 181 Black people. Every hour spent debating back and forth about the best track to take regarding anti-Black police violence in this country is another person's life snuffed out, another family devastated another community memorial. Abolish the police. Not Reform. Not Defund. Abolish. The. Police.

[littlemisssquiggles]

...Sooo...about Rosegarden again...

As I was discussing with my good daikon buddy and fellow Rosegardening Pinehead @jealouscartoonist​, you might as well fit Oscar with a shirt that reads “WHEN LOST, FIND RUBY ROSE” only to pan over to Ruby sporting a matching shirt that says “I’M RUBY ROSE” since at this point, I think the only person who has managed to successfully keep Oscar out of harm’s length is Ruby when she makes that her priority like how it was back in V5.

I’m not just saying this as a Rosegardener, I think it’s worth noting that each time Ruby has taken her eyes off Oscar or left him under the protection of someone else, he’s either gone missing or ends up separated from the team in some way or form. It is also worth noting that each time Oscar disappears, Ruby is more or less the first one folks make sure to inform. 

Back in Argus, it was her Yang and Blake called out to first after they found Oscar gone. The same can be said for when the JNR Trio discovered Oscar missing from his room and Jaune tried to tell Ruby before Ironwood cut him off. 

I also love the added detail that Ruby was also the one Yang asked regarding Oscar’s feelings about their decision to deceive the General.  Though it wasn’t actually stated in the series, the implication I got from that moment at the start of V7 was that Ruby’s choice to deceive the General came from a place of her mistrust in him given the treatment of the Mantle and possibly a need to protect Oscar as well since, on two occasions, Ruby has witnessed Oscar being hurt both physically and emotionally for Oz’s mistakes after the truth came out.

The fact that she chimed in with a lie the instant Ironwood started questioning Oscar about Oz gave me this vibe. That and the fact that Ruby glanced in Oscar’s direction with an almost guilty expression following what she had done. It’s these little things that speak volume about this dynamic.

It is for this reason why I get peeved whenever I hear antis claiming that Rosegarden is forced. It is very evident from previous seasons that Oscar and Ruby have been shown to care deeply about one another. While they may not share the same history from the Beacon Days back in Vale as Ruby's other companions since she's only known Oscar since they met in Mistral. However it is notably impressive how protective and supportive Ruby has grown to be of Oscar since the two first met and the same can be said of his attachment to her.

While this season seems to be testing that loyalty, it is for reasons such as this why this squiggle meister is highly fond of the dynamic between the Rosegarden friendship and why I pay so much attention to it. While you can possibly deny the two might not be interested in one another romantically at the moment, you can't say they don't care about each deeply as close friends.

For Pete's sake, above any other character on the hero team, Ruby was the first one to volunteer to go pick up Oscar from the slums. While she was accompanied by Weiss with Maria as their certified Granny Urber driver, it was sweet how Ruby was the one to greet Oscar first when he originally pegged the airship to be a threat based on Oz’s initial warning. 

Not to mention that Ruby was also the only one to stand next to Oscar on the entire plane ride back to the bar and show him support and comfort while Maria flew the plane and Weiss stood in the corner and let the two beans have their moment. 

I’m going to chock this up to mean that Weiss must’ve known how concerned Ruby was for Oscar after learning he had disappeared again (especially since Blake’s remark was that the group thought something bad had happened to him after he didn’t arrive on the ship with JNR) so out of respect for her “best friend” and teammate, she kept her distance and allowed Ruby to be the one to have her time with Oscar. At least, that’s how I’m interpreting it.  

You cannot convince me that Ruby isn't the closest thing to a close confidante or best friend that Oscar has on the hero team. Nevermind that he also shares her with characters such as Weiss and Penny. In respect to Oscar's affiliates, Ruby is his closest. She is the true rose in his little prince story; assumingly.

He's not even that close with Oz and Oz practically lives rent free in the little prince's head until the Merge.

Bottom-line, given the development of the season so far, I'm curious to see what little or more the showrunners may do to continue to progress the budding bond between our two, smaller more honest souls. 

While I understand that Ruby is more or less the leader of the team and Oscar is a member of the team, I still find it pretty interesting that when Oscar disappears, Ruby is one of the first people to be informed. Makes me wonder how it will be for tomorrow’s episode in the event that YJR fail to rescue Oscar from the Hound and they’re forced to break this depressing news to Ruby and the others JUST AFTER they had reunited with Oscar earlier that very same day.

Should be interesting to see Ruby’s reaction to Oscar getting kidnapped by a monstrous talking Grimm to be taken to Salem (since who else would send a Grimm of that threat level after Oscar who is the incarnation of Salem’s former lover from a previous life turned mortal enemy).

I’m hoping that either during this volume or afterwards (especially after the group rescue Oscar from George the Hound) that Ruby takes a more overprotective stance towards Oscar. I mean she already looks out for him a lot but imagine if…the little red rose’s overprotectiveness of the little prince is dialed up to like a 50 after Atlas.

The group keep losing him!  Someone’s gotta keep the little hazel eyed wandering sheep of the hero team in check, especially from all the wicked witches and big bad wolves out there trying to get him!

I’ve seen other Pineheads refer to Oscar’s animal counterpart as a deer given his name. But I dunno. To me, Oscar’s more of a sheep since he keeps getting separated from the herd. Plus a sheep fits Oscar given the Little Prince reference too. Why not?

Now I wanna squiggle some Stray Sheep Boy Oscar fanart. I think I’ll do that later for my own amusement. Until then, those are my thoughts.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2020)  

[thechekhov]

1/3) hi, thanks for opening a space for discussion. recently I've been discussing the protests with a friend, and he believes that the main reason why the black population is disproportionately targeted by the police is because they have a higher population of people in poverty, and poor people are more likely to be arrested or shot or generally targeted by the police. Therefore he doesn't think George's murder is a sign of institutionised racism in the police.

I feel like you’re expecting me to contradict your friend but the funny thing (er... honestly really sad thing) is that he’s absolutely fucking right - police brutality disproportionately affects people in poverty, and many of those people are also Black. 

Except that doesn’t prove his point, it further drives home the fact that racism is deep-rooted and systematic! 

I know you mentioned that you didn’t want to get into the ‘really big topic’ but... I think you should have! I think that’s absolutely crucial to it! 

WHY are Black people in America so much more likely to be socio-economically impoverished?

(https://www.kff.org/other/state-indicator/poverty-rate-by-raceethnicity/?currentTimeframe=0&sortModel=%7B%22colId%22:%22Location%22,%22sort%22:%22asc%22%7D)

I think we know that the answer isn’t just a simple ‘whoopsie daisy, it just HAPPENS to be that way’! This is not a coincidence. This is the work of racism and racist systems - and in a way, in loops back on itself! 

Black people are more likely to be targeted by the police, more likely to be arrested. And you know what happens when you get arrested? You need to pay bail or fines. And what happens if you financially cannot do that? You go to jail. And when that happens? You lose whatever job you had. And then what? You become even MORE inundated with issues that lead you FURTHER into poverty!

If there’s a machine of perpetual motion, the US has got it down pat in the way it sets up Black kids to fail and thus creating further stereotypes to feed into itself. I recommend reading up more on the School To Prison Pipeline if you’re interested in this.

Last but not least; there’s proof that the endless loop BEGINS with racism, not poverty - because will target you for being Black REGARDLESS of your financial situation. It really doesn’t matter if you’re poor - sometimes if you’re a well-off Black person in a well-off neighborhood you get targeted SPECIFICALLY FOR THAT. Because people don’t believe you ‘belong’ there.

More:

A 2017 study of interactions between officers and citizens taken from footage captured by police officer body cameras found that “officers speak with consistently less respect toward black versus white community members, even after controlling for the race of the officer, the severity of the infraction, the location of the stop, and the outcome of the stop.” (source)

According to a Justice Department study released in 2013, throughout the United States, black drivers are about 30 percent more likely to be pulled over than white drivers. Black drivers are also more likely to be pulled over for alleged mechanical or equipment problems with their automobiles, or for record checks. White people are actually more likely to get pulled over for noticeable traffic violations such as speeding. Black drivers are more likely to not be told why they were pulled over.

The funny thing about being pulled over is - you’re MORE likely to be pulled over if you’re Black AND driving a nice car. That’s not an issue on profiling based on poverty. That’s a race issue. If it wasn’t, people in beat-up trucks with expired plates would have a lot more issues with their local police departments. 

The core of it, of course, remains the same - racist policing DOES interact with impoverished neighborhoods. Low-income and low socioeconomic areas in general experience more policing... BECAUSE of racism. These are not two separate issues that cancel out - they are dancing a very tight tango. 

In conclusion - I encourage you to have that Big Conversation. I expect it will reveal a lot about the heart of the matter and what your friend actually thinks. 

[bopinion]

2021 / 40

Aperçu of the Week:

Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge / I'm trying not to lose my head

(Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five)

Bad News of the Week:

How many times have I been upset about the U.S. justice system? Okay, that was a rhetorical question.... Political instrumentalization, systemic racism, questionable accountability, unclear responsibilities, and more make me doubt the much-used imagery that "Justice is blind" (and therefore just and neutral). Two decisions of the week ending are unfortunately grist to my mill:

Last August, a white police officer shot Jacob Blake multiple times in the back. The African-American has been paralyzed ever since. However, the Justice Department does not see sufficient evidence of "intentional excessive force" against the shooter, so the officer will not be prosecuted. And an appeals court has reinstated Texas' blatant abortion ban, which makes my hackles stand up for many reasons: de facto repeal of Pro Choice and Roe v. Wade. Unsustainable six-week pregnancy deadline ("heartbeat law"). No exceptions, even for rape or incest. Call for denunciators to blacken collaborators down to the cab driver and collect a $10,000 bounty (no, that's not too harsh a wording).

America's right wing cheers that government overreach has been prevented. Aha, so this is how the separation of powers works: the state legislature in Texas passes a law, the federal executive in Washington DC sues it, the judiciary in New Orleans (yes, that's in Louisiana!?!) plays referee. Does a shutdown actually affect those employed in the judicial branch? Then the Republicans would know what to do. Or to refrain from doing. Pontius Pilate sends his regards.

Good News of the Week:

Unregulated fake news going viral and purposefully placed disinformation have become a real threat to democracy. Uncontrolled social media earn their money specifically with conspiracy theories. The Internet is still proving to be a largely lawless space where everyone can find an echo chamber for their own personal delusions. Established media with flawless track record are reviled as mainstream manipulators with the same switch, the tail wagging the dog. Bob Woodward is surely a Jewish puppet of George Soros, drinking the blood of children while working on the Great Reset in the basement of Hillary Clinton's pizzeria.

Put another way, solid journalism has never been more important. The "fourth power in the state" must fight its loss of importance in shaping public opinion. The importance of cleanly researched and discursively commented reporting cannot be overstated.

So it is all the better that the awarding of this year's Nobel Peace Prize takes this into account by emphasizing the proverbial peacemaking function of journalism and freedom of the press. It is certainly no coincidence that the Philippine Maria Ressa and the Russian Dmitri Muratov are two representatives of their profession who, on the one hand, come from countries where independent media professionals are not the norm. And who, in addition to their actual work, explicitly stand up for freedom of the press, even though this puts them personally in danger. Bravo!

Personal happy moment of the week:

On Friday we went to the movies "for the first time since Corona" (this phrase is clearly trending). With nachos, queue in front of the loo and so on. Wonderfully normal, even if currently with 3G control and - this should be maintained - empty seats between groups of visitors. I also liked the projection "as a reminder": cell phones off and no talking during the film. By the way: James Bond will return!

I couldn't care less...

...that after the Panama and Paradise Papers there are now the Pandora Papers. Is anyone really surprised that the rich and powerful of our world use all possible tax loopholes?

As I write this...

...I am considering whether I actually want to listen to Ludwig van Beethoven's unfinished 10th Symphony, now completed by a supercomputer with artificial intelligence. Because actually I don't even want to think about whether there could be artificial creativity. Mmmh...

[bluewatsons]

Ashutosh Jogalekar, The many tragedies of Edward Teller, Scientific American (January 15, 2014)

Edward Teller was born on this day 106 years ago. Teller is best known to the general public for two things: his reputation as the “father of the hydrogen bomb” and as a key villain in the story of the downfall of Robert Oppenheimer.

Edward Teller was born on this day 106 years ago. Teller is best known to the general public for two things: his reputation as the "father of the hydrogen bomb" and as a key villain in the story of the downfall of Robert Oppenheimer. To me Teller will always be a prime example of the harm that brilliant men can do - either by accident or design - when they are placed in positions of power; as the famed historian Richard Rhodes said about Teller in an interview, "Teller consistently gave bad advice to every president that he worked for". It's a phenomenon that is a mainstay of politics but Teller's case sadly indicates that even science can be put into the service of such misuse of power

Ironically it is the two most publicly known facts about Teller that are also probably not entirely accurate. Later in life he often complained that the public had exaggerated his roles in both the hydrogen bomb program and in the ousting of Oppenheimer, and this contention was largely true. In truth he deserved both less credit and less blame for his two major acts. Without Teller hydrogen bombs would still have been developed and without Teller Oppenheimer would still have been removed from his role as the government's foremost scientific advisor.

The question that continues to dog historians and scientists is simple; why did Teller behave the way he did? By any account he was a brilliant man, well attuned to the massive overkill by nuclear weapons that he was advocating and also well attuned to the damage he would cause Oppenheimer and the scientific community by testifying against the father of the atomic bomb. He was also often a warm person and clearly desired friendship with his peers, so why did he choose to alienate so many who were close to him? The answers to these questions undoubtedly lie in Teller's background. Growing up in progressive Hungary at the turn of the century as the son of a well to do Jewish father, Teller was part of a constellation of Hungarian prodigies with similar cultural and family backgrounds who followed similar trajectories, emigrated to the United States and became famous scientists. Leo Szilard, Eugene Wigner and John von Neumann were all childhood friends.

Sadly Teller became a psychological casualty of Hungary's post-World War 1 communist and fascist regimes early in his childhood when he witnessed first hand the depredations visited upon his country by Bela Kun and then by Miklos Horthy. The chaos and uncertainty brought about by the communists left a deep impression on the sensitive young boy and traumatized him for life. Later when Teller migrated to Germany, England and America he saw the noose of Nazism tightening around Europe. This combined double blow brought about by the cruelties of communism and Nazism seems to have dictated almost every one of Teller's major decisions for the rest of his life.

The fear of totalitarianism manifested itself early, leading Teller to be among the first ones to push for a US nuclear weapons program. He was Leo Szilard's driver when Szilard went to meet Einstein in his Long Island cottage and got the famous letter to FDR signed by the great physicist. Along with Szilard and Wigner Teller was the first one to raise the alarm about a potential German atomic project and he lobbied vigorously for the government to take notice. By the time the war started he was a respected professor at George Washington University. Goaded by his experiences and inner conscience, Teller became one of Oppenheimer's first recruits at Los Alamos where he moved at the beginning of the Manhattan Project in the spring of 1943.

Oppenheimer and Teller's meeting was like one of those fateful events in Greek tragedies which is destined to end in friction and tragedy. Perhaps the most ironic twist in this story is how similar the two men were; brilliant physicists who were both products of high culture and affluent families, interested in literature and the arts, envisioning a great role for themselves in history and sensitive to the plight of human beings around them. However their personalities clashed almost right from the beginning, although the mistrust was mostly engendered by Teller.

Not all of it was Teller's fault however. By the time Teller met Oppenheimer the latter had established himself as the foremost American-born theoretical physicist of his age, a man who could hold sway over even Nobel Laureates with his astonishingly quick mind, dazzlingly Catholic interests and knowledge and ability to metamorphose into adopting whatever role history had thrust upon him. But men like Oppenheimer are hardly simple, and Oppenheimer's colleagues and students usually fell into two extreme camps, those who saw him as an insecure and pretentious poseur and those who idolized his intellect. Clearly Teller fell into the former group.

The friction between the two men was accentuated after Teller moved to Los Alamos when Oppenheimer made Hans Bethe the head of the project's important theoretical division. Teller understandably chafed at the choice since unlike Bethe he had lived with the project since the beginning, but Oppenheimer's decision was wise; he had sized up both physicists and realized that while both were undoubtedly scientifically capable, administering a division of prima donnas needed steadfast determination, levelheaded decision making and the ability to be a team player while quietly soothing egos, all of which were qualities inherent in Bethe but not in the volatile Teller.

Teller never really recovered from this slight and from then on his relationship with both Oppenheimer and Bethe (with whom he had been best friends for years) was increasingly strained. It wouldn't be the first time he let the personal interfere with the professional and I think this was his first great tragedy - the inability to separate personal feelings from objective thinking. It was also during the war that the idea of using an atomic bomb to ignite a self-sustaining fusion reaction caught Teller's imagination. Teller confirmed Oppenheimer's decision to hire Bethe when he refused to perform detailed calculations for the implosion weapon and insisted that he work on his pet idea for the "Super", a diversion that was undoubtedly orthogonal to the urgent task of producing an atomic bomb, especially one which was necessary to light up the Super in any case.

After the war got over Teller kept on pushing for the hydrogen bomb. History was on his side and the increasing encroachment of the Soviets into Eastern Europe followed by major events like the Berlin airlift and the testing of the first Soviet atomic bomb firmed up his conviction and allowed him to drum up support from scientists, politicians and the military. Sadly his initial design for the Super was fatally flawed; while an atomic bomb would in fact ignite a large mass of tritium or deuterium, energy losses would be too rapid to sustain a successful fusion reaction. Even after knowing this Teller kept pushing for the design, taking advantage of the worsening political situation and his own growing prominence in the scientific community. This was Teller's first real dishonest act.

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His second dishonest act was withholding credit from the man who actually came up with the first successful idea for a hydrogen bomb - Stanislaw Ulam. An exceptionally brilliant and versatile mathematician, Ulam first performed detailed calculations that revealed holes in Teller's original Super design and then thought of the key process of radiation implosion that would compress a batch of thermonuclear fuel and enable its sustained fusion. Teller who had been smoldering with rage at Ulam's calculations until then immediately saw the merit of the idea and significantly refined it. Since then almost every hydrogen bomb in the world's nuclear arsenals has been constructed on the basis of the Teller-Ulam model. Yet Teller seems to have denied Ulam the credit for the idea even in his later years, something that is especially puzzling considering that he downplayed his own role in the development of hydrogen bombs in the waning years of his life. Was this simply a ploy engineered to gain sympathy and to display false modesty? We will never know.

The act for which Teller became infamous followed only a few years later in 1954. Since the end of the war Oppenheimer had been steadfast in his opposition to the hydrogen bomb, not just on a moral basis but also on a technical basis. This did not go down well with the establishment, especially in the face of the increasingly dire-looking international situation. Oppenheimer was hardly the only one opposing the project - prominent scientists like Enrico Fermi and Isidor Rabi were even more vocal in their opposition - but Oppenheimer's reputation, his role as the government's foremost nuclear advisor and his often casual cruelty and impatience with lesser men made him stand out. After the Teller-Ulam design came to light Oppenheimer actually supported the project but by that time he had already made powerful enemies, especially in the person of Lewis Strauss, a vindictive, petty and thin-skinned former Secretary of the Navy who unfortunately had the ear of President Eisenhower.

When the government brought charges against Oppenheimer Teller was asked to testify. He could have declined and still saved his reputation but he chose not to. Curiously, the actual testimony offered by Teller is at the same time rather straightforward as well as vague enough to be interpreted damningly. It has an air of calculated ambiguity about it that makes it particularly potent. What Teller said was the following:

In a great number of cases I have seen Dr. Oppenheimer act - I understood that Dr. Oppenheimer acted - in a way which for me was exceedingly hard to understand. I thoroughly disagreed with him in numerous issues and his actions frankly appeared to me confused and complicated. To this extent I feel that I would like to see the vital interests of this country in hands which I understand better, and therefore trust more.

What is interesting about the testimony, as explained by Freeman Dyson in his autobiography, is that it's actually quite undramatic and true. Oppenheimer had lied to army officials during the war regarding an indirect approach made to him for ferrying secrets to the Soviet Union. He had refused right away but had then concocted an unnecessary and bizarre "cock and bull story" (in his own words) to explain his actions. That story had not gotten him into trouble during the war because of his indispensable role in the project, but it certainly qualified him as "confused and complicated". In addition after the war, Oppenheimer's views on nuclear weapons also often appeared conflicted, as did his loyalties to his former students. Oppenheimer's opinions on the hydrogen bomb which were quite sound were however also interpreted as "confused and complicated" by Teller. But where Teller was coming from, Oppenheimer's actions were hard to understand, and therefore it was clear that Teller would trust opinions regarding national security in someone's else's hands. Thus Teller's testimony was actually rather unsurprising and sensible when seen in a certain context.

As it happened however, his words were seen as a great betrayal by the majority of physicists who supported Oppenheimer. The result of this perception was that Teller himself was damaged far more by his testimony than was Oppenheimer. Close friends simply stopped talking to him and one former colleague publicly refused to shake his hand, a defiant display that led Teller to retire to his room and weep. He was essentially declared a pariah by a large part of the wartime physics community. It is likely that Teller would have reconsidered testifying against Oppenheimer had he known the personal price he would have to pay. But the key point here is that Teller had again let personal feelings interfere with objective decision making; Teller's animosity toward Oppenheimer went back years, and he knew that as long as the emperor ruled he could never take his place. This was his chance to stage a coup. As it happened his decision simply led to a great tragedy of his life, a tragedy that was particularly acute since his not testifying would have essentially made no difference in the revocation of Oppenheimer's security clearance.

This inability to keep the personal separate from reality exemplified Teller's obsession with nuclear weapons for the next fifty years until his death. At one point he was paranoid enough to proclaim that he saw himself in a Soviet prison camp within five years. I will not go so far as to label Teller paranoid from a medical standpoint but some of the symptoms certainly seem to be there. Teller's attachment to his hydrogen bombs became so absolute that he essentially opposed almost every effort to seek reconciliation and arms reductions with the Soviets. The Partial Test Ban Treaty, the NPT, the ABM treaty and sound scientific opposition to Reagan's fictional "Star Wars" defense; all met with his swift disapproval even when the science argued otherwise, as in the case of Star Wars . He also publicly debated Linus Pauling regarding the genetic effects of radiation just as he would debate Carl Sagan twenty years later regarding nuclear winter.

Sagan has a particularly illuminating take on Teller's relationship with nuclear weapons in his book "The Demon- Haunted World". The book has an entire chapter on Teller in which Sagan tries to understand Teller's love affair with bombs. Sagan's opinion is that Teller was actually sincere in his beliefs that nuclear weapons were humanity's savior. He actually believed that these weapons would solve all our problems in war and peace. This led to him advocating rather outlandish uses for nuclear weapons: "Do you want to find out more about moon dust? Explode a nuclear weapon on the moon and analyze the spectrum of the resulting dust. Do you want to excavate harbors or change the course of rivers? Nuclear weapons can do the job". Teller's proposal to excavate harbors in Alaska using bombs led to appropriate opposition from the Alaskan natives. In many of these scenarios he seemed to simply ignore the biological effects of fallout.

But as much as I appreciate Sagan's view that Teller was sincere in his proposals I find it hard to digest; Teller was smart enough to know the collateral damage caused by nuclear weapons, or to know how ridiculous the idea of using nuclear weapons to study moon dust sounded when there were much simpler methods to do it. My opinion is that by this time he had travelled so far along the path which he chose for himself after the war that he simply could not retract his steps. He clung to dubious peacetime uses of nuclear weapons simply so that he could advocate their buildup in wartime. By this time the man was too far along to choose another role in his life. That, I think, was another of Teller's tragedies.

But in my view, Teller's greatest tragedy had nothing to do with nuclear weapons. It was simply the fact that in pursuit of his obsession with bombs he wasted his great scientific gifts and failed to become a truly great physicist. Ironically he again shared this fate with his nemesis Robert Oppenheimer. Before the war both Oppenheimer and Teller had made significant contributions to science. Teller is so famous for his weapons work that it is easy to ignore his scientific research. Along with two other scientists he worked out an important equation describing the adsorption of gases to solids. Another very significant Teller contribution known to chemists is the Jahn-Teller effect, a distortion of geometry in certain inorganic molecular complexes that impacts key properties like color and magnetic behavior. In nuclear physics Teller again came up with several ideas including the Gamow-Teller rules that describe energy transitions in nuclei. Even after the war Teller kept on thinking about science, working for instance on Thomas-Fermi theory which was the precursor of techniques used to calculate important properties of molecules.

But after 1945 Teller's scientific gifts essentially lay undisturbed, stagnating in all their creative glory. Edward Teller the theoretical physicist was slowly but surely banished to the shadows and Edward Teller the nuclear weapons expert and political advocate took his place. A similar fate befell Oppenheimer, although for many years he at least stayed in touch with the latest developments in physics. Seduced by power, both men forgot what had brought them to this juncture in history to begin with. In pursuing power they ignored their beloved science.

Ultimately one fact stands apart stark and clear in my view: Edward Teller's obsession with nuclear weapons will likely become a historical curiosity but the Jahn-Teller will persist for all eternity. This, I think, is the real tragedy.

[kourdem]

What is Artificial Intelligence?

what is artificial intelligence? that I even have websites that provide educational materials about cyber security but what you don’t know is that last week i published a book called cyber security for the digitally challenged it’s an interactive electronic book designed for people who are not technical don’t have any background in cyber security if this description fits you then the book is supposed especially for you the book is free and should be easily downloaded at the tunes

 bookstore now back to AI i don’t realize you but once i used to be young i remember going to the 1964 world’s fair and seeing incredible and amazing futuristic devices general motors had a pavilion called the future of reality and the city of tomorrow and it had been the very first time that i saw what they called a picture phone but my first real inspect artificial intelligence began when i first started watching the Jetsons meet George Jensen is jane his wife remember once we all thought that that would be our future well variety of the predictions did come true video calling devices robotic vacuums electronic banking just to call a few of what most people don’t realize is that artificial intelligence is all around us AI is all around us you’ll see it when Alexa answers one of your questions when your email gives you a suggestion of what to reply with or even once you put a photograph on Facebook and it recognizes your face it’s so commonplace at the moment that tons of people like me are now asking what’s this all leading towards today we ask siri to pay our favourite music things like hey siri please play the beetle oh yeah or hey google what time is it in sunshine beach Australia it’s 4 28 a.m in sunshine beach Australia that’s just not a random request actually my daughter and her family live in sunshine beach Australia when you’re asking to talk to siri Alexa or google your lecture an artificial intelligence agent and this ai is learning your personal preferences the more you use the device the more it learns and the more accurately it can anticipate your every need when someone mentions artificial intelligence what’s the first thing that comes to your mind now most people imagine a military of human-like robots that are repelling against society well a few of fit few people like myself have a more positive um thinking about community envisioning a bright future so what exactly is artificial intelligence it’s definitely not a magical program that can think kind of person's it’s things like virtual companions the controlled gaming surgical robots personal assistants and other devices that we use each day to make our lives better and more efficient now it had been within the mid-1950s that John McCarthy who was a Stanford researcher coined the term AI and he would define it because the science of engineering at the science and engineering of making intelligent agents McCarthy presented his definition of artificial intelligence at a conference on the campus of Dartmouth College in Hanover New Hampshire within the summer of 1956 and this indicated the very beginning of ai research the concept of ai has changed over time but the goal has always been the same to really make computers think like humans during a nutshell ai’s goal is to make computer or computer programs smart enough to initiate the behavior of a human mind now it’s likely that you simply simply interacted with some kind of ai in your day-to-day activities probably even today if you use gmail you may enjoy the automated spam filters in fact according to google Gmail blocks a hundred million spam messages daily with its artificial intelligence agent next if you own a smartphone you probably fill out a calendar app with the help of apple siri or Microsoft’s cortina or Samsung’s Bixby and if you own a newer vehicle perhaps you’ve benefited from the driver-assisted feature while you're driving these are all possible thanks to artificial intelligence but as convenient and helpful as these products are they lack the facility to seek out out independently they can’t think outside of their code and most of you recognize that code is a written set of instructions that tells the ai what to undertake to to so here is where i would like to introduce you to machine learning and this a neighborhood of the presentation might get a little geeky machine learning could also be a branch of ai whose purpose is to supply machines the ability to seek out out a task without pre-existing code our ability to seek out out and acquire better at tasks through experience may be a component of being human when we’re born we all know almost nothing and can do almost nothing for ourselves but soon we’re learning and becoming more capable each day but did you recognize that computers can do the same machine learning brings together statistics and computing to enable computers to seek out out the thanks to do a given task without being programmed to undertake to to so just as your brain uses experience to reinforce at a task so can computers say you'd sort of a computer that can tell the difference between a picture of a dog and a picture of a cat you'll begin by feeding it images and telling it this one’s a dog that one’s a cat a computer program to seek out out will seek statistical patterns within the data that will enable it to acknowledge a cat or a dog in the future it'd determine on its own that cats have shorter noses which dogs are available a much bigger kind of sizes and then represent that information numerically organizing it in space but crucially it’s the pc not the programmer that identifies those patterns and establishes the algorithm by which future data are getting to be sorted one example of a simple yet highly effective algorithm is to hunt out the optimal line separating cats from dogs when the pc sees a replacement picture it checks which side of the road it falls on then says either cat or dog but actually there are often mistakes the more data the pc receives the more finely tuned its algorithm becomes and the more accurate it are often in its predictions machine learning is already widely applied it’s the technology behind facial recognition text and speech recognition spam filters on your inbox online shopping or viewing recommendations credit card forward detection then much more at the university of oxford machine learning researchers are combining statistics and computer science to make algorithms which can solve more complex problems more efficiently using less computing power from medical diagnoses to social media the potential of machine learning to transform our world is really mind-blowing machine learning could also be a could also be a rare sorry machine learning may be a neighborhood of research in computing that studies a special kind of instruction called algorithms algorithms are a gaggle of step-by-step instructions used to do something an algorithm is really only a gaggle of rules as an example if you sort your laundry before you’re washing it you use an algorithm if the algorithm is to put the white laundry on the left pile and the colored laundry on the right pile and you repeat until you’re done this is an algorithm it’s just that simple machine learning uses a gaggle of instructions that improve automatically based on experience in other words what makes machine learning algorithms different from others is that they’re able to learn from the data that we feed them image recognition could also be a exemplar every day we’re getting image recognition more involved so on help us with our personal daily lives if you see some strange looking plant your friend is growing in their living room simply point google lands at it and it will tell you what it's if your discord friend uploads a photograph of their new cat and you'd wish to understand what breed it's just run a google image reverse search and you’ll determine what it's even self-driving vehicles need to know where they can drive which may be a road where are the lanes where they're going to make a turn what the difference is between a red light green light and amber light where the stop signs are well you get the message as you will see image recognition could also be an enormous a neighborhood of deep learning and it are often both cool and scary so how does it work here’s a basic explanation in order for that car to know what a stop sign looks like it must tend an image of a stop sign the machine will read the stop sign and through a selection of algorithms it will then study the stop sign and analyze how the image goes to look by going section per section what color is that the stop sign what shape is it what’s written thereon how big is it always and where is it usually seen during a driver’s peripheral vision things like that if there’s any errors scientists can simply correct them once the image has been completely read it are often labeled and categorized but why stop with one image in our perspective we don’t really need to think for half a second on what a stop sign is and what we must do once we see it we’ve seen numerous stop signs in our lives it’s almost embedded in our brains so the machine must read many different stop signs for better accuracy that way it doesn’t matter whether the stop sign is seen during foggy or rainy conditions during the night or during the day because the machine has seen a stop sign many times it can know it’s a stop sign just by watching its shape and color alone all of that sounds really cool right but it can also be scary if you upload and replica your photos go check out your photos if you haven’t sorted anything you’ll notice that google has done it for you there’s a category for places things videos and animations and maybe others and if you attend things you’ll see that google has sorted your photos into albums supported where google thinks they belong so you’ll have photos labeled as food beaches trains buses and whatever else you will have photographed within the past this is all due to the work of google’s image recognition analysis it has analyzed over 1,000,000 photos on the internet your photos your friends photos strangers photos and any photo that appears on google image search it’s not just google that uses image recognition also if you upload a photo and facebook recognizes your friends it will automatically tag them so yes it’s quite creepy considering it’s a privacy concern but some people may appreciate the convenience anyways because it saves a short time no matter how cool or scary it's image recognition plays a huge role in society and will still be in development many companies are continuing to implement image recognition and other ai technologies the more we'll automate certain tasks with machines the more productive we'll be as a society now because the video described an image recognition machine could even be given millions of pictures to research after going through many changes the machine acquires the ability to acknowledge patterns shapes faces and even more speech recognition is another exemplar of this there are two basic kinds of artificial intelligence the first is weak ai which is additionally known as narrow ai this type of ai can handle only one task at a time for example it can select your favorite song from spotify select your favorite movie from netflix filter your email spam or instruct a self-driving car the second is what’s called strong iai and it’s also mentioned as artificial general intelligence or agi this is much more sophisticated this type of ai refers to a system which is able to affect a generalized task much like an individual's agi as it’s abbreviated can successfully perform any intellectual task that an individual's can this sort of ai is this is that the ai that we’ve seen in movies like her and other scientific movies during which humans interact with machines and operating systems these artificial intelligent agents are conscious they can sense things and are driven by emotion and self-awareness but for machines to understand a true human-like intelligence they need to be capable of experiencing consciousness and as far as as far as today this has not happened hello i’m here oh hi hi how you doing i’m well how’s everything with you pretty good actually it’s very nice to meet you now that’s just slightly excerpt from her for all of you that never saw the movie you need to it’s quite interesting efforts to advance ai concepts over the over the past 20 years have resulted in some truly amazing innovations let’s inspect a few of meet digit manufactured by agility robotics digit is envisioned to help lookout of people in their homes assist with disaster response and deliver packages to front doors with its nimble limbs and a torso packed with sensors digit can navigate complex environments and perform tasks like package delivery digit could also be an immediate descendant of cassie agility’s first robot in may 2019 ford motor company and agility announced a partnership to develop a last mile logistics solution that combines ford’s autonomous vehicle technology and agilities digit this is pepper manufactured by softbank robotics pepper is that the world’s first social humanoid robot that is able to recognize faces and basic human emotions pepper has been adopted by over 2 000 companies around the world perfect in retail and finance industries pepper has numerous functionalities including increasing store traffic by attracting the attention of shoppers creating memorable in-store experiences stimulating purchase and retained customers pepper can also gather comprehensive data to enrich the customer base and generate shopper insights this is atlas the world’s most dynamic humanoid robot built by boston dynamics an organization that was previously owned by google and now by softbank thanks to its state-of-the-art hardware and algorithm that allows it to quickly understand instructions with its 28 hydraulic joints 4.9 feet of height and 176 pounds weight the robot can perform both impressive and terrifying acts including navigating uneven terrain jumping around a parkour course and doing somersaults all these activities demonstrate human level agility so the robot are often perfect for search and rescue operations and performing human tasks in environments where humans couldn't survive introducing spot a robot dog designed for industrial uses such as carrying goods through a warehouse and inspecting a far off site with an unfavorable environment for human operators it can run at 5.2 feet per second has 360 degree cameras and can operate in temperatures ranging from 4 to 113 degrees fahrenheit with its api and versatile payload interface the robot are often easily customized for desired tasks spod is additionally manufactured by boston dynamics and is now being leased to eligible companies these are truly amazing but now let’s inspect how ai learns typically there are three learning method methods supervised learning unsupervised learning and something called reinforcement learning in supervised learning the computer scientist would label the correct answer and ai would learn the pattern by comparing the proper answer with other possible answers in unsupervised learning the scientist would provide the proper answer and thus the algorithms would infer patterns from the data set without reference to the known or labeled outcomes now this may get very very technical the last is known as reinforcement learning and it really plays a very very minor role in training ai but it’s very almost like training an animal giving them reinforcement when the animal displays the required behavior it’s given a present now this gets to be very complex and very geeky so that’s about all that every one the knowledge that i’ll give you now computers and other ai applications are everywhere today it'd be almost impossible to go through your entire life without using any quite artificial intelligence we use cars atms tvs and these all contain computers and ais with ai assistants here’s slightly song to help you remember televisions cars airplanes traffic lights computers are everywhere around us computers are everywhere around us i know that’s silly but i assumed it might cause you to smile let’s inspect a few of straightforward applications of ai that probably most of you use first siri is one of the foremost popular personal assistants offered by apple on the iphone ipad and thus the apple watch she helps to hunt out information get directions send messages make voice phone calls open applications and add events and even add events to my calendar siri uses machine learning technology in order to urge smarter and capable to understand natural language questions and requests next is netflix and netflix needs no introduction it’s a widely popular content on demand service that uses predictive technology to provide recommendations on the thought of your reaction interest choices and behavior once you choose films the technology examines content to reconnect sorry to recommend movies that are based on your previous liking and your reactions now remember netflix is turning more and more intelligent every single year as it get gathers more data on you next is pandora and pandora is considered the world’s most powerful music discovery platform it uses a proprietary algorithm to determine which music to play for you at any given time it’s also called the dna of music because depending upon 400 musical characteristics the team of expert musicians individually analyzes the song and the ai algorithm then recommends the song to you on your personal playlist next is nest and it’s made by google and nest is one of the foremost famous and successful AI startups google acquired it in 2014 for 3.2 billion dollars and thus the nest learning system thermostat uses behavioral algorithms to save you energy supported your behavior and schedule it uses a very intelligent machine learning process that learns the temperature that you simply simply like and programs itself during a few week moreover it'll automatically pack up to save energy if nobody is reception next is my favorite and it’s a flying drone they’re variety of my favorite toys they indicate a robust machine learning system that can translate the environment into a 3d model through its sensors and camera videos sorry and and thus the and video cameras they magically fly which they return home safely almost to the precise spot where they left from amazon echo and apple’s homepod are amazing these are revolutionary products which can assist you to seem the web for information schedule appointments shop control lights and switches and thermostats answer questions read you audio books report traffic weather provide you with information on local businesses provide sports scores and your schedule just to call a few of smart watches are awesome which i always own one actually i’m such an electronic junkie that i always got to have the foremost up-to-date version of the apple i watch smart watches are equipped with advanced ai and will monitor your every move within the old days we’d walk 10 miles to highschool within the snow or so we thought and now we've smart watches and phone apps and AI wearables to tell us exactly how far we’re walking or running and they also track our pulse the number of calories burned and many other metrics artificial intelligence is gaining popularity at a quicker pace influencing the way that we live and interact with our surroundings the internet of things is growing larger every day and internet of things devices cannot function without AI and AI needs iot devices to be of greater use to humanity these technologies hold the power to transform our lives when it involves ai it’s difficult to truly know where we’re headed but we’ve come so far so quickly the thing is today that we don’t realize when we’re in-tuned with artificial intelligence because we’re getting so used to the technology doing new and amazing things each day that we don’t start to stop to believe the science behind the gadgets or the programs.

[coollyinterferes]

GENERAL.

full name.  Robert E. O. Speedwagon nicknames. The “official” one would be Boss among his mates and to the whole lot of ruffians in Ogre Street (the one people keep wrongly translating as “bro” in some of the jjba translations). Other than that, he’s not used to being called nicknames on a regular basis, though some people he’s crossed paths with seem to have a thing for giving him nicknames derived from his last name (Speeb, Speeds, etc). Depending on the closeness between him and the person calling him by a nickname, he might be like “please stop” or won’t mind at all Uncle Speeds/Uncle Speedy and similars apply only until he’s become the uncle figure of George II and, later on, Joseph and Holly, too. height. 5′11′‘ / 180 cm age. 25-28-ish in the main verse, though I play him in literally any stage of his life upon request. zodiac. libra / pig (in the Chinese zodiac) languages. English. Some Spanish, French, Italian and a variety of languages he’s managed to pick up during his many journeys around the world (enough to hold basic conversations, usually), as well as the bits of Chinese he’s managed to grasp from what Kenpo (Li) has taught him.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair colour.  somewhere between light and golden blond. eye colour. chestnut brown. skin tone. light skin, making him somewhat prone to getting sunburnt if he’s not careful when he’s out in the sun for long periods of time. body type. mesomorph. accent.  Cockney. dominant hand.  right, but is quite skilled with both hands, posture. He usually stands up straight, but never overdoing it, really, just... kinda doing it in a casual way, enough for him to be comfortable but trying to keep it “gentlemanly”. He keeps it a bit in the “dominant” side too when he’s in the slums (can’t show weaknesses over there). He tends to slouch a bit when he’s sitting and relaxing, though. scars. His trademark scar that runs from the top of his nose all the way down to his jaw on the left side of his face is the most notorious one at first glance. He has a considerable number of other noticeable scars all over his body (chest, arms/hands and thighs, mainly), though. Most of them come from his criminal lifestyle, knife fights, brawls, one from a time he was shot at, some around his wrists and forearms from the time he was learning to use his bowler hat and so on. He’s also acquired a new set of scars during PB, like some on his hands from the burns he sustained during the fire at the Joestar mansion as well as a new, large, one across his chest that he got from thawing Zeppeli’s frozen arm. This one isn’t as noticeable as the rest, but it’s visible still. tattoos.  None, but he was “persuaded” into getting a prince albert (more like: lost a bet and had to get one, lol). i know that’s a piercing and not a tattoo but i had to mention it since i rarely ever do it *shrug* most noticeable features. Does his loud voice count here? Uh, his cleanly shaven face, his long blond mane and his choices of colorful accesories and stuff (most of these partly respond to the Gay Etiquette™ of his time but also to his own preference since he genuinely likes them, too) could be what stands out the most at first glance. The large scar on his face, too. His thick Cockney accent, though this one stands out to foreigners and people he’s just met mostly. His loyalty and undying devotion and support towards those he genuinely cares about.

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.  London (East), England. hometown.  London (East), England. birth weight / height. He was born to a poor family in the slums, so there are no official records on the matter. He was most likely born a bit underweight given the conditions his parents lived in. manner of birth.  Natural birth. first words. “dadda”. siblings.  none. parents. both of his parents are deceased. His mother died shortly after giving birth to him due to a poorly treated infection derived from it. His father passed away in unclear conditions by the time Robert was 5 years old. parental involvement. Robert has no recollection of his mother given how young he was by the time she died. The same can’t be said about his father, though, since he was raised by him: A poor, hard-working, and caring man. Between the working conditions at the time for the lower classes –long ass work days with ridiculously low pays– and exhaustion, among other things, his father got very little free time to spend with him. However, that didn’t mean the relationship between them was sour. It was all the opposite, actually, as they would spend as much time as possible together, playing together, his father telling him stories and talking to Robert about his mother and how wonderful she was and so on. Sadly for little Robbie, this only lasted a few years, as his father was unfairly imprisoned and was found dead in his cell just a week or so later in unclear conditions. I’ll cover the whole subject of his parents in a separate post later on but, yeah, all things considered, the parental involvement, while not perfect, was as good and dedicated as it could be in those conditions (and now you also know where he got that 'parental’ side he has towards the Joestar children from).

ADULT LIFE.

occupation. He’s job hunting/switching jobs in the main verse, trying to find his place in the world after leaving his criminal lifestyle behind (for the most part, at least). current residence. He still lives in Ogre Street in the Main Verse, but he doesn’t partake in criminal activities as often as he once did.This is why he sometimes can be seen sporting a new bruise or more, since some of the more unruly thugs there are trying to climb to the Boss spot now that Robert has shown clear intentions of changing his ways and, thus will try to pick up fights with him (there’s a lot more to explain on this matter but i’ll cover that on a separate post) close friends. Main verse: Jonathan Joestar. Tattoo and Kenpo (named Li, here), obvs. Later on, Erina (Pendleton) Joestar, too. relationship status. Single and crushingpiningfddsfdgfh financial status. Main verse: Ehhh, let’s just say it’s seen better days (since there are times he runs out of moneys and thus doesn’t have anything to eat for the day...or for days ;;;; ). Future verses/PostPBpreBT verses: You know the deal: He rich af. driver’s license. Naw. But he does drive that car shown in the manga from time to time. His peers don’t let him very often cause he’s nearly run over some folks before, lol. criminal record.  Officially? None, really. Which is kind of a feat given his role as one of the biggest and most influential ganglords in the rowdiest area of London. He’s done a lot of illicit things, though, which include but are not limited to: Thieving (pick pocketing, plundering, etc),  murder, fights/brawls (sometimes involving knives and/or guns), etc. There’s also the fact that he’s a homosexual man in a time where "homosexual acts” were illegal and could be punished by the law, so I guess it counts, too?

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation.  homosexual. romantic orientation. homoromantic. preferred emotional role.  submissive | dominant | switch |  unsure preferred sexual role.  submissive  |  dominant  |  switch (top leaning) |  sex repulsed libido. Average. turn on’s. subtle but sensual touching. He’s particularly sensitive in the neck and chest area. His thighs, too. He will be putty in his dear’s hands with ease, really, since sex works as an extension to his feelings and emotions towards the other person when it’s a long-term relationship (as opposed to one night stands/casual relationships –which aren’t very common for him anyway–, where there are no truly deep feelings involved and sex is just a mean to release some stress). During the act, he has a thing for having his hair gently pulled and, to a lesser extent, giving and receiving love bites, especially in those areas that are normally covered by clothes. This one is somewhat related to the time he lives in (a largely prudish and homophobic era), in which it is best to keep things as under the table as possible, especially when both parties involved happen to be males, but it also works as little secret reminders to his dearest of his love towards him. turn off’s. Probably overly kinky stuff and “weird” stuff like scat and watersports and stuff like that. He’s more into the soul-bonding aspect of it all, really.

love language. He’s all for making his dearest one feel loved in every single possible way. He will always do anything and everything in his power to make his bf feel special, be it by giving him massages, tender touches, holding hands, brushing/petting his hair, cuddling with him, and so on. He is very physical on this aspect (would totally be all up for pdas if Victorian society wasn’t so uptight about it even among m/f couples) so, as long as his bf is comfortable with it, he sure af will be giving him lots of love that way. And the spoiling doesn’t stop there, cause he will always do his best to buy his bf presents, even before he makes it big in the oil industry (he will save as much money as he can from whatever his current job is and spend it on his dear), with flowers being some of his fave presents to give. And since he’s some into the language of flowers, it goes without saying that every bouquet he gives is like a little love letter to his bf. Actual letters are another part of his love language. Not as common as the flowers or the gifts, tho (since he’s always been more into showing his love via actions and not just with words). So, yeah, he’s the kind of man who loves to shower his dear with lots of love, affection and devotion in any way he can~ He’s also into doing little things for his dearest, such as getting him lunch, helping him with whatever he might need help with and being there for him always.

relationship tendencies. He’s usually more on the chill and confident side when it’s something more casual and less serious. However, when there are genuine feelings involved, he tends to becoming a blushing mess and a big pile of nerves too, especially whenever he falls for someone with a higher status coughjonathancough. And it’s simple: He’s quite self-conscious, so he’s always kinda afraid that other person will see him the way he sees himself, with all his flaws and some of the unredeemable things he’s done and so on. On top of that, he doesn’t truly know how to properly handle genuine affection aimed at him and also doesn’t feel deserving of it, too, so... Yeah. He usually has a bit of a hard time when it comes to relationships, but that's usually due to all the raging homophobia in Victorian times and how he doesn’t want to tarnish his dear’s reputation with some “gross” and “indecent” stuff, as homosexuality was labelled back then. However, he tends to be a bit more open and relaxed in general in private for those same reasons. As for his insecurities, he will gradually feel more at ease as time goes by (reassurance and stuff from his dearest will do wonders here) since he’ll be a little less afraid to fuck up, too, now that he knows his dear loves him back.

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. there’s a bunch I could go with for his theme song tbh, but I think I’m gonna go with Keep Pushin’ by REO Speedwagon, this time. hobbies to pass the time. travelling, reading, getting into trouble, gambling, spending time with friends and loved ones, learning new stuff, etc. mental illnesses. He has some, ehh, mental baggage from his days of extreme poverty as an orphan child in London’s streets, some of which comes up every once in a while in the shape of dreams that feel more like vivid memories/nightmares. He also developed certain symptoms of PTSD, mostly after all the events involving Dio, such as occasional restless/sleepless nights as well as occasional nightmares, feeling terribly upset at certain memories/events (such as Zeppeli’s death or the tragic fate of Jonathan), and so on. That said, he also suffers from survivor’s guilt. There’s the occasional depression over all that stuff and small bouts of anxiety over “what if Dio ain’t dead yet!?” since, well, the guy managed to survive near death 2 times by the end of PB (just imagine the pain and distress it would have caused him to hear he not only survived a 3rd time, but that he also stole Jonathan’s body to continue with his wicked ways). None of this is diagnosed, though. There was also a period of time he lost interest in almost everything after Jonathan’s death and slipped back (and way too hard) into his old ways for a while. physical illnesses. None, just the occasional pain that comes from poorly treated old wounds. left or right brained. Right with bits of left. fears. Losing his (remaining) loved ones, either by rejection or death, even though he’s gone through loss a lot of times already. Seeing them hurt or just generally being unhappy, if that counts? Seeing Dio coming back once more even after Jonathan’s ultimate sacrifice. self confidence level.  Fluctuates, really. He’s quite confident within the slums but, out of it? He becomes a bit more self-conscious, mostly due to the hard views society had back then towards scarred people as well as poor/questionable people as well as homosexual men. It all goes down the drain when a love interest comes into play, because all that self-conciousness hits twice harder when he’s around this person, hence why he’s often an anxious mess around them orz He becomes a lot more confident as time goes by, though, and starts feeling more at ease, too. vulnerabilities. Probably the fact that he wears his heart on his sleeve all the time. Same with him being a hot-blooded man, so he’s prone to go head first into things sometimes and running his mouth, too. He’s also a bit too reckless in his ways sometimes, so he’s prone to getting wounds in batlle and stuff (they aren’t usually too serious, tho, since he’s fairly good at avoiding what could may be fatal blows)

tagged by: No one. As usual, Speeb sees Speeb steals~ tagging:  @joestarbrothers @starburdened @noblemanjoestar // @jojoestarzz // @fairladyjoestar @pineapple-muses @cafeonthecorner @a-bizarre-starline @hierophvnted @jojoingjoseph @altarfated @insatiablelustforpower @digimonlover09 @notsodaily-smolkakyoin @silvercharict @heartshredded @foxglxved @kindersturm @musaesidereum @trashcan-fulla-muses @wildberryoras @tinymischiefmaker // @imhereforthefish and everyone else who wants to do this!! Just take it and feel free to tag me back or not (whatever you feel more comfortable with, my guy, i’m not gonna judge you B] )

[donnnoir]

Dallas, TX                                                                          June 30, 2019

Well Friend’s, although currently I suspect there are no readers of my crude blog.  Other than those that may have an interest from the Shadow Government’s perspective.  They always keep tabs and monitor my actions and interactions at large or singular.  An annoying fact of Life as me.  So hopefully at some point and time in the future an interested party will have numerous pages to sort through.  I am trying to get all my material under one or two roofs / forums which can and are accessible to everyone.  At least that is my hope and the intention of all this.  Granted it also allows me an outlet to vent some of my frustrations and the various events, occurrences and histories with this and more that I have Lived and experienced throughout my Life.  Now in such a spirit I am posting a electronic log entries after I arrived back in Austin TX, following the events I experienced in Southern California.  Which events culminated in my being shot twice in my left leg and subsequently ran over by an F-350 dually pick-up, running me over from toes to my head being dragged under the dual tires on the driver’s side of the vehicle.  Needless to say it was an interesting evening.  I was run over on East Anaheim St. about one hundred feet from the intersection with North Henry Ford Ave., on the south bound side of East Anaheim heading back toward Long Beach, I believe the location is still in Wilmington. With the location of my being shot some distance from there and that being approximately 325 North Lecouvreur Ave., Wilmington.  These events happened on or around the 5th of March 2018.  I was transported to St Mary’s Hospital at 1050 Linden Ave. Long Beach, CA..

The following are a series of electronic entries to an ad hoc journal at the time.  I Post this ad hoc journal in its raw form, the only editing being for the most part that of correcting some of the major spelling mistakes.  Hopefully I  have retained the jagged nature of my mind set at the time.  I freely admit that upon my return from California for the first time in my life I was showing signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.   I still have on occasions bouts associated to this PTSD.  I trust as coming events unfold and I have New Obstacles and Challenges to focus my attention and thereby forestall the elements of the Disorder.  Thus I Post this warts and all.  Without regard to its chronological or content of order. Because of this I will no doubt be covering much of the data, information and stories at a later Posting.  I will also be Posting the images of my hand written journal, as the loose leaf entries that I have adopted as my handwritten format.  Since every log or journal I have started has been stolen repeatedly.  So I now write on whatever loose leaf papers I have before me in the moment.  I hope to Post those as packaged folders Postings in their chronological order.  There is a degree of overlapping entries between this Posting and those of my handwritten entries.  Bear that in mind should you actually elect to read all of these.  Most of the entries some date and location headers.   I hope that in doing this that no seeming contradictions arise, especially since I am the source.  I welcome any inquires from any reader of my material.  Thus I submit the following:

Welcome, seems it has come to this. I am going to attempt to compose my thoughts and histories via electronic medium. My reservations must give way to practical realities. Not to mention the fact that each and every one of my previous logs / journals has been stolen from me. A immensely annoying recurring theme.

Thus I am going to try and make a virtual journal. Presumably I will augment this with the additional paper journal. Which will then be uploaded into a file of images. The hope being the combination will effectively accomplish the task. Towit that of providing a record of my life including events in the extreme. Additionally I wish to leave behind in some convoluted fashion my diverse understanding of things. By far I would consider the latter to be a far greater contribution to the brain wealth of humanity. I would like to think that should any of this writing come to light. It does so some time in the future . When the more fantastic elements can be seen in historical context. Such that what would otherwise be seen as speculative ventures into science fiction writing, will be known as simply fact. Because believe me when I say I truly wish and hope to be / will be wrong, regarding that which is to come. For a change!

Sigh… I must take a break, now. Necessity requires I consider many issues, not the least of which is where to start, and how best to proceed. Besides the fact I have not developed the requisite manual dexterity to type with my thumbs.

Monday July 2, 2018 … Killeen Texas

Sigh… damnit all to hell! I am having one of those rare days when I feel anxious, overwhelmed to the point of feeling trapped. I do not know if it is possibly PTSD related. I suppose I have to accept that as a issue with in me from now till the day I die. Regrettable not to mention humiliating for me. Granted, I suspect that the the cannabis Jade bought had a little something extra in it. So she could anesthesias more effectively giving her a reprieve from the increased infra-sound, ultrasound, microwave along with the entirety of the electromagnetic emissions I am at present enduring. I am concerned for her and her son Joey's well being. Despite her being one of the girls / operatives / victims of our government’s illegal covert initiatives know as MK Ultra. She is a bundle of contradictory issues and personalities. Your typical Golem. Her biological father is Warren Causey. He was George Bush Sr. right hand even prior to Sr becoming head of the Central Intelligence Agency. Causey was Sr's go to man for wet works and deep black bag operations. Especially if the back side had a tail which could be exploited for control of any or all parties involved. Causey is a true satanist and worse. He recently developed a rapid onset of Alzheimer’s. Not quite as sever as my own father and name sake Donald Paul Williams. But the timing of both though separate is suggestively coincidentally to events associated to me and those involved in FOXing me. I suspect brother Magnus of being petty. Grinding and hammering on old grudges. Along with becomingly increasingly punitive in operational objectives concerning breaking me to the point of my “losing” it. At which point and time my only anticipated options would be to appeal to their overview and / or full capitulation to their agendas. Thus far I have successfully thwarted their attempts. Yet it has come at an immense cost to me, across the board. Okay in anticipation that I may never acquire the journal I started last year upon my departure from Long Beach, California. A long walk beginning by The Queen Mary and which ultimately landed me in Salt Lake City, Utah. It is becoming increasingly incumbent that I reiterate elements I previously wrote down back then. You would think it would be a simple straightforward process. Naturally such is not the case, for a variety of reasons. Not the least of which are context and my desire to avoid sounding narcissistic, or worse disillusion. Yet failing to do so will ultimately end in me portraying myself as such, even more so. Besides I really hate repeating myself, sorta a pet peeve of mine.

To the uninitiated this is going to sound ludicrous and insane. However, any comprehensive primer would require volumes of esoteric information, along with accompanying commentary and should include appropriate citations. All from tomes that are closely guarded. That I am denied access to permanently and utterly. Thus it is best to proceed directly into the matter wading through the initial convolution, realizing by degrees it will work out becoming about as clear as mudd. The luciferains according to their Canon refer to me as “The Dark One”. It is an appellation pulled directly from their actual scripture as initially iterated  to Cain from lucifer, himself.

Obviously atheist may take exception to these concepts, especially the language used. There is not much I can say in response to their misgivings. Because their beliefs lack the framework from which to attach this model. Hell most individuals beliefs also in like fashion lack similar mental framework. Yet most have allowances or the tools where with the modular architecture of their minds are able to “build out” an additional wing to the mansion in their minds which houses their understanding of “reality”. At the very least they can entertain the blueprints to an “add-on” to their mansions. Similar to the operations of our minds “cognitive consistency”. Dr Richard Alan Miller is fond of noting “I would never have seen it if I hadn’t believed it”. Or by extended reference the belief that if you have enough information to postulate a coherent question, you already have enough to know the answer. You just have to convince yourself of it. The implications are profound. Stretching into metaphysics and the issues of faith preceding the miracle(s), and even magick! All topics I have and will continue to touch upon in my ramblings. But I go too far afield of my primary focus. Simply, I am The Dark One. This is both metaphoric and literal. For the few people whose sight allows them to to clearly see into the underlying spiritual realm of our world. Because all things that “are” where first created in spirit. Elsewise they would not exist or remain lifeless sterile elemental at best. There are also at worst case possibilities, but we will forego any such dialogue for the moment. Everything we see and interact with has a corresponding spiritual aspect providing impetus to the whole. Usually the spiritual aspect even resembles the physical expression, although at times the proportions differ. A fact that I know I will touch upon in other areas as topically necessitated. Nonetheless if one was to see our spirits they much resemble the physical form of our bodies, though a bit taller (note this is a foreshadowing hint, to a vastly different topic I Will Be Addressing. At times I may interject future foreshadowing hints, though sans the extensive explanations). Depending on the scope of vision applied a person may / can see many other things. For my current model I am going to stick to issues of direct correlation to what we perceive as the physical world.

Okay, yes I do know I tend to take a long round about, seemingly loquacious manner, almost tediously so in my explanations. This is due to the fact that words are nebulous, our ability to effectively communicate was fractured becoming compromised long ago. As a consequence, for clarity's sake I find this too wordy manner necessary to minimize confusion later in the discussion. By degrees we lose our way, or perpetuate our lost condition. Therefore it is by incremental degrees I am trying to more properly realign the various skewed beliefs we all hold. It is simple geometry, trigonometry or if you prefer vector math. If your initial bearing line is off by a few degrees, as you proceed further down its vector, or direction of travel where you end up will be considerably different than you meant to be. I wish to be aptly clear as to this fact early in my shared discourses.

Back to the proximate relationship of the spirit to our physical nature / condition. Also know that our spirits are gender specific. The entirety of humanity in this expressed Creation, the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve. Have migrated to this plane and place from Our Heavenly Home. That being a higher plane of existence, a organized realm of Love and Light. We, being all of us from Adam, Lilithe, and Eve till the last child of Eve is born, we are they that kept our first estate. Thereby earning both our right and place to be born here in this that by our common assent / consent / agreement we agreed would be real, thus we call it reality, simple. Wherefore, this being real by our mutual assent, means by extension that our actions here shall have real consequence to our station thereby effecting our progression. Those within Our Divine Family that rebelled and failing to reconcile back into the Family are denied participation in the progression of this estate and the subsequent assignments as to which paths we are to be assigned to in our individual journeys to progress back home.  Meaning, i.e. lucifer and the one third that fell (more properly “that were cast down”) with him. At times I will refer to lucifer as lucy or louie a small affectation I have over the years grown fond of as pet names for he who would seek dominion through his lies. Know that for my part I have always viewed our existence as an ongoing extension of the war in Heaven. Even as a toddler this was simply the nature of the world, in both a literal and metaphoric sense. Lucy is playing an end game gambit. As to our day to day offenses he for the most part cares little, seldom choosing to involve himself.  As I try to tell people; we can do bad all on our own, we don’t need the devil or louie's help. Matter of fact regrettably this particular Creation is an aberration. Most Creation’s do not have a Lucifer, who refuses to repent and reconcile, and worse yet becomes Satanish.  In so doing thereby becomes completely nonredeemable. Fit only to be cast out beyond the dark realms / dimensions. So far that not even a god could ever hope to make it back to Our Heavenly Home. Heady fanciful stuff, with a touch of discordance due to conflicting superlatives, I already know. From the presumed position of our understanding as a whole it is the best I can do with our shared mythos. The presumed contradictions fade as our understanding increases. Please accept I know little, next to nothing. What little I may grasp, has been fought hard to obtain over a tumultuous lifetime.

One of the hopeful eventualities concerning our collective situation in this Creation which I try to communicate to those that appear to show potential for understanding the following idea. Is that, Once we “eventually” progress through this Creation. As our then on going progression continues through multiple future Creations we will in all probability never encounter another such circumstance / Creation wherein any of those will again be with the added burden of a Satan / Lucifer persona to add complications to our individual, group, and familial progress. Who would threaten to usurp Creation from G-d and all of us. We can do bad all on our own. We really don’t require an objective excuse or archetype on which to pin our failings. If you are acquainted with the Book of Revelations, in its pages are the clues to understanding Lucy’s actual focus / agenda for our Creation. For we are eternal beings, Children of Divine Parentage. We live through infinite eternities, progressing and striving to Perfect Ourselves unto the Image of Our Heavenly Mother and Father. Now I sound like a some traveling revivalist preacher. Might as roll out the tent and tambourines, hahaha.

Wednesday July 4, 2018 – Killeen, Texas

Well happy 4th of July, U S of fucking A. Not to be cynical, but here we are celebrating another Independence Day in the Land of the Free. The irony is inescapable. Sadly too many individuals become distracted and lost in the perpetually shifting landscape of dysinformation. Yes the horrors these people revile against are very real and indefensible. Except in the losing of perspective, failing to see that these innumerable struggles are purposely being generated to engage the population to distraction. Usually these horrid distractions are set cross ways of social and cultural lines. This formulaic tactic is meant to ferment hostilities, hate and conflicts across the associated strata. This has been repeated throughout history to create wars, fracture our social structure, warp our values, and indoctrinate the population en mass with beliefs such as to reshape our view of reality shackling all of us to a diminished image and sense of self along with the entire human race. Once we accept this warped view as the archetypal potentiality of us all. We are guaranteed to sell ourselves and our brethren into slavery. In due course I will be discussing at length the geopolitical history within the framework of our limited knowledge of what we recorded since the flood. Rather what we have been permitted to know of said records. The fact that much as been redacted from the common brain trust passed on to us via academia. Those alabaster halls occupied by self appointed guardians of the approved versions of knowledge and information released to us vulgar unfortunate masses. So burdened, I shall pass this Holiday celebrating the antithesis of its traditions.

Continuing in the same vain as previously began prior to the day’s celebrations, in much the similarly convoluted fashion as before… I, The Dark One of Occultic Lore. I have been told; that I have done things no one in the history of the world has ever done previously. Personally I can only cite one quality as being demonstrative of such high praise. Though in all honesty I am more often than not being chastised for lacking focus, being lazy, acting the fool in the face of my enemies, or being cavalier in my affections, or placing myself at undue risk of life and limb, and the list goes on and on ad nauseaium.  This from the select few who know and understand who and what I am.  Those who may actually care about me, and would see me fulfill that which I have been foreordained to do whilst sojourning here. The totality of our circumstance here, now at this moment, we soon shall enter perhaps the most critical and precarious point of our history and that of this Creation.  I am all too well aware of this along with that which shall soon come to pass shortly.  This awareness, I experience across multiple vectors while being cognizant of a sea of permeations which ultimately stream toward a specific Crux in Our Familial Aggregation (I am trying to develop appropriate nomenclature – wherein I avoid certain more readily common labels or descriptors and/or appellations. Whose usage has been subverted into the double speak practiced by the various satanic and blood occultic families which run the world. Who have ritually (via trauma) conditioned and indoctrinated their acolytes, golems / victims to hear and respond to accordingly, never in a positive manner. Wherefore it is incumbent upon me whenever possible to avoid affirming these, even to the point of reinventing the ascribed nomenclature.) within this Creation. As a consequence I must stumble through idiomatic constructs, ungainly though they be. Believe me if you knew and understood the actualities ascribed to words and the double or multiple meanings applied to them within the Families. The evils, the pain, the denigration of the individuals / victims usually by those nearest them; ultimately by extension it eventually infects and corrupts societies unto the world at large.  You would weep an endless river of tears unto filling the seas, if you could see this in your minds eye properly.  As long as this perniciously malicious spiritual / familial / multi-generational / social / cultural pathogenic practice continues, our struggles will end in naught. Hence into this morass I must seek to keep my appointed task. How best to explain this? I have spent the majority of my life in the haze of denial.  Avoiding my differences.  Putting off my preparations for that which is to come.

Since approximately twenty four plus months prior to Operation Jade Helm our covert Intelligence apparati, including elements of the ruling shadow government began a concerted effort at Foxing me. The on set of Operation Jade Helm and its scope marked an exponential increase in expanded efforts against me.  Now, let me make clear Operation Jade Helm’s purpose was not solely to target me, there where many targets across the greater portion of the United States of America.  Death dealers and various squads of assassins executed / murdered an increasing number of American Citizens, most had been identified for some time to be exterminated.  Impunity seems to have become the operational by word.  The extremes demonstrated continuously since that time defy all reason. Defining the architects of this action as being criminals is almost quaint.  This level of criminal insanity goes beyond the point of being treasonous. With the majority of resource allocation comes from “military Intelligence” which then utilizes other military resources and supplies.  Thus it is that we have been duped into financing our own demise.

For purposes pursuant to their agendas, they have labeled me a domestic terrorist.  Thereby presumably justifying illegal exercises and persecution of my person.  Rationalizing by extension similar acts against my family and anyone I may care about and or Love. Death for them would be preferable to the horrors their personages have been and are being subjected. I know I sound ludicrously paranoid with delusions of grandeur in the extreme. Hahaha….  gosh how I wish, hope and pray such were the case. I make this record in defense of myself and my actions. Naturally I fear all my good intentions with their accompanying actions are for naught. I realize that upon my death as allotted to the sons of man, as to the first part, my character will be maligned in the worst manner possible.  A issue I will address at length later in this on going exposition of myself and my misadventures as they may be.

Thursday July 5, 2018.  Killeen Texas

Despite my misgivings it seems I survived all the pops and bangs of our nosiest of American Holidays. A joyous circumstance to be certain. From now till my last day of my allotted life as unto the children of men, my life hangs in the balance. The ante to live my life as it were.

My current accommodation over the past almost six weeks has been with an old flame and friend Jade Causey – Chamlee, and her 18 year old son Joey, whose given name was Freddie. Bless their souls for extending to my worn out arse a place to stay and recover. Regrettably my physical recovery is taking much longer than I anticipated. I am fully aware my expectations regarding the time necessary for a complete recovery was / were unreasonable. But I need to set the bar high to keep from being complacent. Now had my situation been inclusive of adequate financial resources I would be at least relatively close to my timetable. I would have had access to better medical, dietary, living and therapies. Hell my injuries would have been properly tended to at the hospital in my initial admittance. Instead I continued to be the object of curiosity and experimentation. With little consideration to trying to give me appropriate medical care. I have come to know what to expect, due largely to my younger brother's general attitude. Wherein he rationalizing what him and others do to me, as simply a matter of effect associated to the who and what I am. It is rationalized that if  I, Donn am this special chosen person than he/I should be able to survive everything, whatever it may be.  Because if he/I don’t than obviously he/I am not that special and thus not protected from on High.  Horrific logic used to rationalizing a growing list of atrocities committed against my person. A ugly fact of my reality, one I anticipated. What issues make this whole fucked up process unacceptable, malicious, acutely painful and unforgivingly egress is the manner by which they have targeted and used others. Especially my younger brother, father, son, Tiffany, Revaka, Heather, Angie and numerous others. They have been tortured, abused and treated as disposable commodities. All are scared and precious, some are very unique with abilities reaching into arenas not generally accepted or understood in today’s world view. Yet these individuals are denigrated, abused in some of the most deviantly sordid manners. Most are ultimately destroyed, first robbing them of their minds, bodies and in some final insult of their very souls. As it appears that they are being harvested for physical vehicles to have demons placed in their bodies. Yeah, I suppose I could say it in some sort of more politically correct parlance as “aliens” from a lower resonating dimensional reality / realm. Somehow I find that by doing so it fails to communicate the malicious evil inherent in the process. I find the old nomenclature to communicate the Truer meaning. Though some eras of our past carry their own obvious failings magnified exponentially by ignorance while fueled by misguided zealotry. They were not called the Dark Ages for nothing. Similarly different cultures, societies, periods, places and times have fallen to various abysses of Darkness. We have this false mental image of life on Our Earth proceeding in some linar fashion from primitive man (including Adam, for those of a theological inclination) struggling out of caves. Fighting against their own primitive brain / mind which was trapped in a diminished brain pan capacity from questing for fire against ignorance and superstitions. With us being the cumulative beneficiaries of this on going process. Peoples of those ancient times could not have been as intelligent as those today. Therefore they could not have grasped the concepts we do. Some of the most ridiculous fallacies of logic ever presumed to rationalizing and justify conduct or beliefs. Matter of fact the inverse is actually True. But what the fuck could I possibly know!

Sadly my frustrations are rearing their collective heads as it were in my writing. I wish I had been more diligent in securing my journal I started last year upon my departure from Long Beach towards Utah. I was more focused recording relavent issues in a contemporaneous fashion. Not to mention a considerable investment in explanations dealing with a variety of associated topics. Grrrrr… all I did then was walk and write. I may soon be in a recurrence of such, shortly. I can no longer abide where I am. All the more so under these conditions. Deep in my mind I am aware of happenings which require my attention. Not to mention my friend’s household is not psychologically conducive to my state of being. At least not in a healthy way, good intentions not with standing. My largest obstacle to my leaving believe it or not, is my need for acceptable footwear. Flip-flops aren’t going to cut it. Hell they are wholly inadequate to even walk just up the street a block or two. I must admit the sidewalks and streets of California were well suited for walking.

Monday July 9, 2018.  – Killeen, Texas

As Pooh would be apt to say, “Oh bother”. I feel for the most part Tigger. Bouncing all about spinning, twisting, flipping… as well on my head as my tail. I am most acutely wanting to find my focus once again. My communication skills seem heavily compromised. Not that I was ever able to write as effectively as the great Nobel Laureates. Generally speaking I could at least maintain some linear cohesion in my writing.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally I am shaken.  Much as if my being was trapped in the tremors of advance Parkinson’s. In similar fashion my expressed thoughts and experiences lack focus, my abilities at lucidly articulating my larger life occurrences is choppy at best. Failure is NOT an option! No matter how I feel or how events are or may effect me, I must regain my composure and find my center. While reacquiring my skills of teaching and sharing what I have learned.  Please excuse me if I don’t edit the foregoing entries. As convoluted and murky as they may be, their relevance contemporaneously can not be diminished. Hopefully they will in due course provide a benchmark to juxtaposition future writings and notes thereby effecting a glimpse into my state of being at the time of writing.  Grrrrr…….

They have done a very good job of isolating me. All the more so, as I try to come to terms with the potential cost to those I would seek commerce with across all levels of our socioeconomic strata.  If what I endured while being the object of a Foxing protocol by our shadow government’s covert intelligence community are any indication. Anyone who associates with me, either at mine or their initiation is subject to become targeted for retribution as punishment to me. Too high a cost to blindly impart with out consideration to finding possible means of mitigation. Or at the very least terms whereby I am ultra selective with whom I interact. Along with the rationale for said interactions. Soon enough our social dependency will require I abandon all such pretext or attempts at shielding anyone from consequence. I fear that time shall be upon us/me far too soon. Perhaps I am again being exceedingly naive. My efforts are most probably for naught. An on the at large canvas of the bigger picture my presumption at damage control will only result in a larger area and impact of effect upon our society as a whole. Not that I am some savior or prophet, far from it actually. In the grander scale of things, I might best be referred to as a “wild card”.  Meaning that in any analysis of the interaction of variables, one may with a degree of certainty predict the outcome of any issue, contest, conflict even war. However should certain individuals or a very small dynamic group of individuals enter the forum. Suddenly the landscape of the matter shifts radically to the point that the original outcome no longer applies or is meaningful. We have numerous examples of such occurrences throughout our histories. Of salient import to us here in America is The Battle of Thermopylae, and the 300 Spartans. We all learned about continents in school. Did you ever notice that Europe and Asia were counted as separate despite being one land mass. The reason is that Western Culture and Asian (Oriental) Cultures being vastly different it was traditionally ascribed to them being two separate continents. We may naively presume to ridicule such a blatant indulgence as arrogance. Yet there are fundamental reasons for this error being valid. We as the heirs of Western Culture, need to understand the mythical / legendary impact of these distinctions upon our mameic memory, especially those of us of the West. From Greece to Rome, then following our Angelo – Dutch (Iberian) roots it is transmitted to us. The importance and permanent impact of the actions and sacrifice of Leonidas and 300 Free Spartans against over a 1,000,000 servile basically slaves to a potentate deemed quasi divine, carved out a legacy of Freedom which stands even today. An Epic “wild card”. There are many others, most are lost to us today. With the occasional exception that survives in our Epics, our Mythologies, our Legends. Most such stories are the blending of factual events with older religious or semi religious traditions. Which aliteration was a common and accepted means of teaching the lessons of both convanents in a factual and metaphoric means. Much the way Jesus Christ taught using parables, allegories composed to have layers of meaning dependent upon the degree of understanding had by the student. So a natural continuation of this is to be inclusive of many historical events, along with the trans literal substitution of the individuals to those of prophecy or the the Divine or Angelic intercession of some ancient history. These depending on circumstance would be iterated and reiterated in verbal traditions to be celebrated in the retelling, usually in association to particular annual festivals. Such as the case with the Saga of the Norse Kings. A subject I hope to have the opportunity to entertain at length later in my writings, scribblings. The vast majority of my ideas, concepts, models and histories can generally be attributed to greater minds than mine. As has been said before, the reason I / we can see so far is that we stand on the shoulders of giants, those that have come before us. Yes I paraphrase taking a degree of liberty. More particularly to hopefully retain its original meaning.

Funny I have been much as I am, the entirety of my life. Before I commence an in-depth sharing of many of the somewhat unique occurrences and events that have brought me to this proposition in time. I wish to clarify and reiterate some postulates. Elsewise a portion of my own records and logs may well be used against me. Principally by interests who would wish to call my lucidity and grasp of reality into question, in the hopes of indicting or coloring my character via my words. No doubt they shall do so nonetheless. I only wish that my original is sufficiently vetted in the sane understanding of reality has to be a defense to my honor and mental facilities. Thus, again – I am No prophet! Nor am I an Alien. Hahaha… Nor am I some savior! As far as religion – I will say as was told to me by what would be termed alien contactees, or more specifically those that I felt and believed we’re genuine. Of the many I personally met back in the 1970s. According to these individuals as to the subject of religion and the Bible when broached to the various aliens these contactees interacted. All the aliens responded that yes the Bible was more or less correct and that it was wholly applicable to us, our Creation, and Our G-d. I know not at all what they say on the popular shows in the media today. Hmmm,…. As to my personal religious beliefs and inclinations, I am Mormon by conversation and have been excommunicated for many more years than I care to mention. By the way my excommunication was due wholly to personal moral matters not issues of doctrine or beliefs of Faith. So if somewhere in my upfront acknowledgements, you find me wanting of naïve. Fine, do or do Not as is in you, or as is your want. I make no apologies, nor seek to compromise in some misguided attempt to achieve an accord or consensus. Rather quite to the contrary, I share, present, seeking dialogue broader than an account of the happenings surrounding my life. Simply because I am appalled by the amount of lies and disinformation being used to indoctrinate the populace. Add to this the lack of corrected and broader views from the dreadfully homogenous perspective droning from damn near every sector. The present modalities disgust me, breaking my heart such that I would to weep day and night for Our collective Family. Yet better spent are my efforts in defense of the Truth and an improved accounting of our histories and circumstances. In pursuit of same I find I must submit my private life and experiences to general scrutiny. The majority of which I have never shared with anyone prior to the last six to eight years. I have desired to live a rather conventional life, for the most part. Realizing that soon enough I will forever be denied the Joy of such.

To this end and the accompanying process I submit some of the earliest memories and events of my life and childhood. One of my earliest, if not the earliest is being in my crib prior to the age of two. My father was working for numerous government and governmental contractors at the time. Naturally I don’t recall those details. Our family had just moved to Southern California. We were living with my mother’s sister somewhere in East Los Angeles. Their home was the typical Spanish Colonial. Anyone familiar with the style and form of such. Know that hallways usually converge into a common room, you cross to the hallway leading to the room you have as your destination. In this pass through common room is where my crib was stationed. Probably the best location for it and me. So the various women could occupy my attention should I become fussy. An many times this common room was an area where the women would congregate as my recollection is. Well across this room was a pantry closet, with selves and full of the sundry items found in such for the time. In the coming and goings of my family and relatives there were numerous occasions that would find me unattended, alone in my crib. It was during one such interlude that the commencement of a reoccurring vision / dream began. I having been left alone to my own devices (parenting back in the day). When the door to the aforementioned pantry slowly opened wide. A beautiful female Golem, her physique had the appearance of red bricks. Yet the contours of her form were singularly female. Rather she had distinct curves with aquiline sculptured features. Most hauntingly she had these striking blue eyes. She never spoke a word, her eyes spoke volumes to my initially shocked mind. As the sounds of returning relatives approached, she gracefully returned from whence she came. On the first couple of occasions I witnessed this I raised a bit of a commotion. I was not yet verbal, and in all honesty I was a late talker. Well the relatives thought I might have seen a rat. So they dutifully opened the pantry to inspection. The pantry was then as it always was, with neither a rat or exquisite Lady Golem. This parade continued off and on for the majority of the our short time residing at my aunt’s house. Usually the Lady Golem had those blue blue eyes, though green and grey versions are among the visits. Each and every time she would come to the side of my crib, moving her head, or tilting (cocking) it just so. Always her eyes full of questions and disbelief. Her eyes seemed to express; You? You are the one sent? Hmmm… You don’t look like much! Look more like a little wet rodent, but who knows?. This was more or less the sentiment expressed in her eyes. Following my first encounters I became accustomed to her visits and would actually miss her on the rare occasions of absence. Needless to say from early childhood I saw the “world” differently than others around me. I also learned to accept this altered perception without fear, understanding its validity within the accepted context of what is “actual” or the “concrete” reality of our existence.

If you may recall back in the haze of school days. During various lectures the teacher's would sometimes use what is commonly referred to as an over head projector. Depending on what was being taught, it was also common practice to layer over lays. These would either complete the image or at times super impose other images as needed. Sometimes even as multiple layers of over laid transparencies. Some of you more contemporaneously educated individuals may never have seen such primitive presentations, having known only power point. For those so blessed what I describe next may be Greek to you. For the dinosaur amongst us most should have some recollection. This model is the closest I can use to illustrate how the world appeared to me growing up as a child. Usually I would see what could best be described as up to two transparencies overlapping the “real world” in general. I could even lift these overlays to get a clearer view of what was being presented before me. At times these would both be at in the foreground of “reality”, other times both would be in the background, while at other times it would be split one in front and one in back. Yet there were numerous other configurations, sometimes completely unrelated to the happenings around me (foreshadowing alert). Gradually this ocular affect of the world began to diminish till it no longer was within my field of vision. By the time I was around sixteen to seventeen years of age this effect was effectively gone. Since then I have experienced this only a handful of times. I usually take a different approach, I will address momentarily. One of the proximate results almost immediately of perceiving my world in this manner is that I usually know the scope and degree that anyone is lying. As an adult it is not quite as prominent as in my childhood. Though there have been exceptions. As a direct consequence my earliest life lesson was in due course the hypocrisy of the adults around me. Everyone would profess such devotion to “the necessity” or importance of always “speaking the Truth”. Yet I would be punished to no end for pointing out the hypocrisy of the fact the adults more often than not lied as suited them. I learned to keep such to myself. Something I still do to this day. I tend to filter or make allowances far too much now as an adult. Invariably leading to greater complications. Besides transparencies certain images or objects would “float” across my field of vision in similar transparency manner. Some of which I could not decipher any context or meaning at the time or since. To begin to place elements of this visual experience I need to explain tangent events of recent.

The advent of the Internet and the information highway is as with most such paradigms, both a blessing and a curse. Dependent largely upon the nature and supposed inclination of man. We are all no doubt familiar with the media platforms of Facebook and YouTube. Like everyone else to some degree I have had occasion to surf around doing research or simply for mindless pleasure. Back prior to Jade Helm, when my Old Lady (though she was substantially younger) Tiffany and I were keeping house in Austin, Texas. I noticed a YouTube video regarding the Apollo 20 mission. Oh by the way according to my histories the Apollo lunar missions went up to 20. I wanted to see what was been discussed along with what twists and turns the disinformation specialist spin their distractions. Which if you can determine it sometimes conclude what they are trying to hide or if their direction of spin is a “z” vector you can sight 180 degrees opposite to determine the landscape they don’t wish you to see. You may consider all this a large investment of mental energies, it is just how my mind works at times automatically. Back to the Apollo 20 video. In the video there was some general discussion of aliens, their nature and origins. During this open dialogue, there was a series of various old clips. I presume were some how removed from the archives of NASA. Many of the older non-defined clips I was quite familiar with the images. Not because I have ever seen them as photos, images, clips or video. At the time I was floored, since previous to that moment I was unacquainted with their context or related meaning. These objects I use to see in the exact same configuration and involved in the exact motions approximately forty years earlier as I was growing up. Matter of fact judging from the age of the imagery I would have to conclude I was witnessing them contemporaneously as a child. Without the context of outer space or NASA I had presumed I was watching some complex interactions of some sort of strange protozoal life from. I even remotely as concerned they had some how become infected to my cornea, so prevalent we’re the objects across my vision. So striking was their imposition upon my sight that more than four decades later their association was immediate and most assuredly certain. One less mystery to worry about. Yet the implications are troubling profoundly. Both of myself and the world at large, considering how maliciously the world's population has been lied to and manipulated. The ends of which are too shocking and horrible to ever discuss. Although in previous conversations at moments of weakness I have divulged a greater portion than may have been prudent.

Wednesday July 11, 2018.  – Killeen, Texas

You may right so wish to ascribe or diagnosis me as having a form of delusions inclusive of all types of hysteria, grandeur, psychosis with severe religious obsessions. For what passes for psychiatry today within the public ledger domain, you may be correct. I would offer in defense a extensive lifetime containing a ongoing accounts of a similar or even greater note. Although I am not a Moses, peoples of another time would recognize me as being touched by The All Mighty, as it were. I will at least own any such appellation. Am I some righteous man deserving of beautification unto sainthood, I would argue Not. At best I have tried to be a descent man, who speaks the Truth as much as possible. I am burdened by an additional commitment.

Back in my youth, being around nine years old. I had a singularly profound series of visions / dreams. I repeatedly dreamt my death, accompanied by the various permeations associated to reaching same. The process took several days (nights) between three to five. Being so young I didn’t think to take particular note of the days my dreams were thus occupied. They obviously had a unique feel with a equally sensational intensity, they still abide with me today. I distinctly recall a voice of sorts coming to me following the last night of witnessing this panorama of my life's end (as are the days accorded to the sons of man). Now this voice which came unto me, I presume it was within the precincts of my mind. Not that it would have mattered greatly since I was alone when it came unto me. Nor did I think to ask from whence or whom spoke. I knew and could feel the light of our Divine Home as I heard the intent along with the presumed words. It was a simple dialogue, stating; “this is how it ends, this is what you have come to do. You need not do it. You have the right to choose. However if you are to complete this task. You must choose to do so now.”. Being a precocious and arrogant child, I immediately presumed that if I had been sent to do such, than the obvious was that I was the best candidate to accomplish the prescribed task. Armed with such infallible logic, I whole heartedly accepted my calling understanding it would come at great cost. Now granted, an understanding of the true scope or magnitude or the enormity of the cost or suffering I fully lacked. I have spent my life preparing. I have come to know that even at the prescribed time I will lack of my own what is necessary. I shall present to the task my all, trusting in Our G-d to shore me up to complete that which I would do. Subsequent to acceptance of this appointment I am to keep in the near future, my sight / vision increased. The frequency and quantity began increasing dreams, visions, revelations, transparencies along with my general perceptions increased. I now openly own the fact that I see the world through the eyes of the mystic. Only recently was my sight dampened. A heart breaking topic the occasion of which surrounds losing my Love Tiffany. The subject of which shall also be laid upon the alter for examination by the modern day augers. Find what fault if you will, I care little. Only know that matter and its accompanying are for later. I must at present attempt to continue in this established vain of thought recounting events long past in my short life. Besides the notations contemporaneous to me and my circumstances or any of the other tripe I have need to spew forth. Believe this, if I could accomplish my foreordained task without sharing, discussing or placing ultimately for public review any of this – such would be my desire. Painfully I have had to come to terms with the ugly reality I must prostrate myself to assure I am able to do what needs be done. Onward thru the fog, as it were.

Without going into specifics too much, early on I displayed another aptitude. Sometime around first to second grade. My Dear sweet mother recognized I somehow had a hand in the going ons of the other children that back then composed the group of children who had commenced to being around. Now my mother was blessed with a keen intellect. Which included the wisdom to not over think somethings. Instead wherever possible if there was a direct and simple solution to apply one's efforts to the solution. Thereby allowing life to continue on as meant. Almost elegant in its simplicity, usually quite effective in solving any problem, a quaint provincial version of Occum's Razor. Consequently the solution was simple, as she noted; “son, I don’t know what you are doing. But it is wrong. Apparently you need my help understanding that.”. There after I regularly got my hide tanned. Until sometime around the age of seven plus the realization that just because you could do something; does not mean you should. And that everyone is entitled to make their own choices. Afterwards the occasion necessitating my tanning ceased as a consequence to those particular actions. By no means did I fail to earn other occasions of corporal punishment as befits a young boy trying to find his wings, so to speak.

Growing up making my way through our education system of public schooling. I never cracked a book. Now one should not presume schools and childhood were smooth sailing. Quite to the contrary, in second grade my school in southern California labeled me “retarded”. Lacking a separate facilities or classes you were simply shoved to the back of the class with similarly challenged children. Nor did they have to test the child or give notice to the parents. Following a few weeks at the back of the class I began to demonstrate “odd” behavior. Which my always observant mother was quick to question. She went to the school and raised holy hell. In actuality it was more of a racially motivated issue. My parents being divorced, the school only saw my Hispanic mother. Being profoundly dyslexic, their initial assessment was that I was a Mexican, and you know you can not teach their kind. I was going to a all white school at time. Not to mention kindergarten in Watts. During the riots in 1965. I had to have police escorts to school. While I still have very distinct memories of the entire family sleeping in the living room with all the doors and windows blocked and barricaded against the rioting blacks. A sort of difficult time growing up. Believe me I know what racism is like. I am not going to hold my tin cup up on that lame ass subject. The fact that there are those in this country that hold onto this issues as the reasons for all their troubles. Or that there are groups and individuals who exploit this history for their enrichment. All this does is allows an ever expanding rifts in our society. The age old axiom of divide and conquer. Yet we all seem oblivious to this, instead we rush to our own deaths.

Thursday July 12, 2018,. – Killeen, Texas

Aaagh, fuck, damnit…. I fucking swear. Why do I even try to help anyone. Generally they hold to their own practices of appeasing the least common denominators by which they live. What can I say. As gracious as my hostess and her son may be. I doubt if I can tolerate much more of their dysfunctionality sans any self realization or objectivity. And they wonder about Joey meeting someone (female). I can’t imagine the woman who would find any of this manner or lack of is appealing. I try to maintain perspective because I do recognize the roots of most of the antisocial behavior. Even if it expresses its self differently than one may anticipate. I just don’t have the tolerance I usually do. In my current condition of convalescing from my injuries, makes me subject to the vagaries that define the lives of normal people. Due to the obvious singular quality of my life I have had to come to terms with the fact that I do not process anything in like manner as my peers. An before everyone thinks I am trying to sound all superior or some such, please note that I am continually making stupid mistakes principally due to my own naivety. We all have this aspect wherein we judge our circumstance and that of others from the pigeonhole perspective. Everyone else's view though differing from each other falls within a given area, or a few degrees of each other. Mine falls a extreme distance outside of what could be considered the norm. Nonetheless being very human I continue in the belief I perceive “reality” much as the other person from a similar understanding and values system. Invariably this attitude finds opportunity to smack me in my face by its differences. Each and every time I am recalled that, oh I knew better because I am fully aware of the differences and should have factored accordingly. Even now at this more venerable point in my life I find one of my biggest failings is naive belief in the character of my fellow man. Yet if my assertions as to my last day as are allotted to the sons of man be True. For the greater part I will be doing so for the entirety of Our Familial Aggregation. Even for those who seek only to cause me and those I Love and care about, harm or maliciousness. Because that is the way of things in our Creation. Soon enough the vile evil shall reveal itself, the kid gloves shall come off and life will never be this peaceful again. If it be the will of he who sent me I will seek to balance many scales of injustice. Till then I must endure and prepare as best I can.

Well enough complaining about friends who do their best given the circumstances. I appreciate all they have done on my behalf. Especially since to a large degree they grasp what potentially may be the cost. Even if in some small ways they may have been influenced by the same malicious or “Bees”, that seek to be the cause of my failure. For such is the nature of things in the abyss. Especially considering the length of time I have elected to spend wrapped in the confines of twisting throughout what we commonly refer to as “reality”. I generally feel more comfortable surrounded by its miasma and ickor than anywhere else. As much as it may appear to be a contradiction it ultimately is fact. Sigh!!!

For the time being I guess I will change the temporal focus of my entries. I can seldom stay focused on any particular time frame for an extended period. Doing so usually causes me to shift to the associated memories which become very visceral in nature. Soon it begins to become a tad overwhelming. All the more so once framed in relation to the present context. I sincerely hope that suffices and is remotely coherent. I am usually deconstructing my conceptual models and ideas into a form more acceptable to being understood. Sometimes I become lost in the process to the point I know what I mean despite the fact that the words and or syntax are nonsense. In conversation I sometimes have to stop and ask if what I have postulated or presented in the dialogue makes sense. I know it all made sense and sounded good in my head. Aaah but I can’t always presume to have effectively communicated the same.

Saturday July 14, 2018.  – Killeen, Texas

Well here it is the weekend, somewhere in Who-ville are working stiffs cheering at the arrival of the ritual with its time off. It has been interminably long since I have have lived a life so constrained as to include the simple Joy of a defined weekend of days off. Hell I am usually engrossed in my vocation daily. With my ever prevalent purpose always driving me. For the most part I have become unfit to be amongst civil company. Yes I am conversant. I am genial enough when in mixed groups. I tend to empathic of those around me. I genuinely give a damn as to the well being of others. Even so, the inescapable Truth is that the darkness is too imbued into my being. Because of the darkness of my spirit, I have become rolled into the ubiquitous abyss of our “reality”. Though it does not effect me quite the same as others its taint has woven into my fibers. Not being much of a liar I lack the necessary tools to hide it from general view.

Wednesday July 18, 2018  - Killeen, Texas

Well damn, I sometimes really get fucking frustrated.  At one level I am perpetually detached from the day to day focus and obsessions of everyone around me. I can’t bring my mind to focus on the general ideological concepts propagated by the geopolitical theater. Which resembles an episode of the moppet show as far as I what it appears. Are the offenses and injuries less or non-existent to my sympathies or moral indignation; not in the least. They still represent injustices and crimes which need to be effectively dealt with and hopefully the scales will balance. Even so, I just can not seem to get all worked up over these slight daily travesties. All the more so since I tend to view all these for what they are within the larger perspectives and plans of globalist / occultic families. Typical divide and conquer, or simple distractions from their primary objectives. I can appreciate everyone’s sentiments and attitudes that the scenarios of what is to come are not perceived as real or likely. Hell even I given enough distance and time begin to feel as though none of it is possibly factual. Except for the fact that I have lived a life associated to these eventualities. Even when I was in the thick of things all those involved would tell me bold faced lies as to what was occurring. As if to make me question the obvious, because the obvious Truth of the matter was outside any social norms. I guess there are those for a convenient lie is preferred to Truth too extreme to accept. I have been at this life, spending the majority of my existence living in the abyss. Which is everywhere, it co-exists with whatever social or cultural conventions occupying our realities of the moment.  It is ubiquitous yet invisible to all but those who have had the misfortune to have grown up in its mists, or the uninitiated. Due to my unique occular abilities I am sort of self initiated. It took me a little while to come to understand the meaning of this subset of our world. I have always seemed to rub against this sub culture, even as a child. A odd fact which has taken me many years to come to terms with it. Even then it was a process of educating myself to be able to grasp the entirety of the concepts. Though outrageous beyond belief, it is nonetheless part of a larger pool of knowledge I have fought long and hard to achieve. We are a phenomenal expression of life, even across the multiverse. For all our uniqueness, we are seemingly determined to trivialize who and what we are. More importantly the processes and manner whereby we are to accomplish our purpose “here”.  Truly phenomenal!!!

Yet I digress. I am simply getting on my soapbox, whipping the horse, so to speak. Grrrrr…

How best to convey some of the basics back into the discussions and open forums in our sea of opinions. A perplexing problem one that has vexed my soul for almost three decades. I suppose the real source of my reservations has principally revolved around my own reluctance to be centrist to any reintroduction in a general dialogue. Much to my consternation it is plain that to accomplish this and thereby facilitate me being able to keep my appointment in the future, I must find the where with all and means to personally become directly a part of our social dialogues. I can freely admit to my own megalomania. I try not to buy into it myself. I shan’t feed such feelings or Mali-adpted inclinations. What ever a person's tendencies, we fail our own interests in doing so. To the point of it becoming a all consuming psychosis. Our histories are replete with the villains who are consumed by base desires at the cost of all else. Not that such is my fear. Rather I prefer to do what I can from a position far from the limelight. We don’t always get to choose how best to accomplish our goals. My non-object oriented way of thinking I suppose. Aaagh, this is an area I would deeply desire some assistance. Not to mention the realities of presently being impoverished. I had best get used to my condition, I fear I shan’t know any other for some time to come. I guess I need to find the way and means to broadcast my ugly mug on to the internet. I guess I will start some YouTube type of series. I need to really get my act together!

Amazingly as we and our solar-system has traversed the apogee of its elliptical orbit with its sister star. This having occurred back in December 2012. We are now accelerating towards our sister star on the side closest to our Galactic Center. We will soon be re-entering the flows of Magick. They are part of the natural order of things. Think of it as a higher order of physics. We conveniently suppose a posture of superiority over some earlier more organic beliefs or systems of interactions within our realities. Although witchcraft, paganism, shamanism, and various other practices have been collectively maligned for associated practices related to satanistic practices (which Are very evil). In many such cases we have throughen the baby out with the bathwater. I am not trying to condemn nor make excuses, only to ask for a broader open review of these strangely different beliefs and practices.  Many times they are simply corrupted versions of our Judaeo-christian thought, beliefs and practices. Sometimes I even find missing pages of our religious histories amongst these. An to borrow a quote;  “We are too hasty when we set down our ancestors in the gross for fools for the monstrous inconsistencies (as they seem to us) involved in their creed of witchcraft.” - C. Lamb.

Friday July 19, 2018.  – Killeen, Texas

Now as to my disjointed quaint manner of writing, I am recalled of yet another quote from Webster’s,  “Prolix, Diffuse. A prolix writer delights in circumlocution, extended detail, and trifling particulars. A diffuse writer is fond of amplifying, and abounds in epithets, figures, illustrations. Diffuseness often arises from an exuberance of imagination; prolixity is generally connected with a want of it.” [1913 Webster].  As to which, my confused manner may be likened, I leave such determination to those who due to some pathological compulsions decide to continue on through the disjointed tediousness of my log.  Excuse my quoting, it but appears the best and most eloquent descriptive means external to my own critiques. Wherein Webster provides what I believe is a more accurate description of my loquacious manner and style of communication. Bleck, ugh…

On to more relevant matters. As I continue to play my game of catching up to the current state of affairs in my existence. Jumping back to around August last year, at the time I elected to take my leave of the Long Beach / Wilmington area of the LA Basin. The majority of occurrences I previously wrote down in a contemporaneous log as I walked out of LA ultimately reaching Salt Lake City, Utah. With a brief momentary stay in Las Vegas, Nevada. My mind aches at the memories from that time. Regardless, there may in the retelling be wisdom or beneficial information for myself or others. Sorry if some of this has a choppy feel to it. There are mountains of unresolved emotional context and histories, which continue to elicit extremes within me. I hate sounding apologetic from the get go. Not that any of the vacillating diminishes the importance of the material or what I endured.

In July of last year, my younger brother was arrested and placed in presumably Twin Towers downtown Los Angeles. It was involving drugs and a handgun. I saw him and the P.O.S. , earlier that night. I already knew there were going to be problems. Additionally I had been indirectly informed my situation was about to become difficult. No more niceness regarding my treatment, operational dictums were changed. Initially I was was acutely aware my younger brother was not in police custody. I figured he was being held some where on or around the federal facilities of Terminal Island in the Port of Long Beach. Later parts of my sight of his circumstances were confirmed to me, though the exact location never has been (foreshadowing). Sometime during the second week of his presumed incarceration. He digitally appeared in the system with the appropriate arrest date, and information. To this day I am not convinced of the terms and conditions accompanying this purely “staged” event. No doubt there were days he was in the Twin Towers facility. Anything else is highly suspect at best if not solely manipulated data for the purposes of the Op. Nonetheless, I was sorely put upon. Due to the determinate fact that whatever had previously as well as on going to date are the proximate results of his being “my brother”. I was aware my brother was not my brother. I later would describe the fact as, “my brother was murdered on the mesas of New Mexico 4 (5) years prior”. I freely declared the fact, even with my younger brother present. At the time of his arrest I had invested two years trying to awaken and heal his soul. During this ordeal, he was on goingly conditioned (subject to various satanic trauma assisted by ultra high technologies deployed by our Shadow Government for the purposes of mind control). I can not escape a degree of culpability. Many may seek succor in the belief that I was not responsible, nor the individual inflicting these horrors to my younger brother. I acknowledge the physical reality as being so. However the moral reality is that, We are our Brother's keeper. An for myself it has a immense literal quality. We are all part of Our Larger Familial Aggregation, what we do, say or do not effects all. While in my particular case, he is my younger brother – same Mother and Father. I have known what to expect from the future all my life. I have even attempted to convey this knowledge in abstract to my brothers. Granted I did Not know that in recent times the evil practitioners of these vile satanistic rites had made a huge technical breakthrough. It use to be, if an individual attained adulthood free of these practices or influences, then they would die free of its chains. Obviously a person could freely elect to cultivate any base desires or perverse inclinations. By “choice” being the operative mandate, those chained to the MPD / DID minds of victims of Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) are forever robbed of any choice in the matter. Not even I can “set” them free or the chains forged in their infancy and childhoods. I can only unlock the gates and offer them the means to heal. The process is long and painful, requiring more years than anyone can live to hopefully heal. Sadly as each victim is considered chattel to the perspective heads of each “family”, who is in turn property of another. Hence there are functionally twelve Satanic Patriarchs seated at the heads of their “family”. Under Satanic Dogma they consider themselves “gods” of their worlds. According to their beliefs you exist as titled property, if not than you are of no consequence thereby you do Not exist. The worth of you and yours is less than the trash sent to the dump.

Sunday July 22, 2018 – Killeen, Texas

Continuing with similar point of fact as discussed, it may all sound or would be considered linear, a straightforward affair. Appearing almost orderly, locked in some strange perverse dance. When it is anything but. Take into consideration the matter of succession. You might be inclined to infer that being Patriarchal, it is a matter of patrialinacal father to son. The reality is far from such Familial Sensibilities. Simply put, upon the death of the head of any household. He, who inherits is the male gains control of his clan by right of arms, or force. Basically if you are not yet feared enough to demand your seat as the heir to the estate. The one who rules does so because he has murdered and killed all the opposition by blood rite according to Antediluvian Law. Meaning you not only kill your opposition, the action is inclusive of all males of immediate consanguinal association. The wholesale murder also removes any potential blood retribution by those who possess an immediate claim to do so. Secondly it demonstrates to clan members at large the vicious response dissent will meet. Terror then substitutes conditioned context within their trauma-based mindset vicariously confirming that male's natural right to head that Family’s Branch of the Larger Familial Group. If you can remotely rationale order from such chaotic slaughter. You more than likely were raised under such paradigms, or your values are perversely twisted and I recommend you seek professional help from any school of thought practicing a highly structured value system, preferably based on some well established benevolent religion. Notice I qualify said using the word benevolent. Cause if you use the most liberal definition to the concepts of religion you could quietly slip satanism or luciferinism in as established religions. The distinctions are sufficient as to invite debate. One I feel is much a waste of time for all parties. Generally I ascribe it principally to a matter of semantics shackled to vastly differing modalities of operations defining values. Our time can be better spent educating ourselves up and out of overly cerebral arguments designed to trap us in artificial concepts posing as reality. A overwrought process favored by Academia in defense of entrenched theories dressed in the ideology we refer to as the “Scientific Model”.  Yes, I have great disdain for what passes for education and schools of higher learning. They have long since been co-oped into the problems they were meant to free us from being slaves. I will tuck that soapbox away now, thank you for your indulgence.

What is even more incredible is the fact that this insanity is governed by their own set laws and rules. They even have a court system with defined jurisprudence. Not any sort you or I could consider properly legal. Rather it is more a system to maintain the “status quo” based on traditions, precedence, along with a strange quasi religious tones from Antediluvian Laws. Even known lies are acceptable if left uncontested but those who have standing and recognized Familial context. Elsewise the stated lie will stand as fact, enforceable to the fullest extent to which the system can accommodate.

Now if you followed that loose explanation, allow me to attempt to give an overview of some of the semi-societal interactive relationship between myself and these psychopaths. Especially above the standing rank and file victims constituting the entirety of the Families. I have a singularly unique interactive connection to them, their Families, their politics, traditions, religious dogma, technologies of the Shadow Government, including possible contingencies for what is to come. It is a chaotic and confusing dynamic paradox. Perpetually in a state of change, in recent times there has been much difference of opinion concerning how to acknowledge or interact with me. Technically I am a nonentity, because I exist outside the direct consanguineous relationship, nor am I amenable to joining their point of view. I remain in opposition to them, their practices, beliefs to the extent of being fundamentally adversarial to “them”. It is worth noting I have been at this so long that everyone I know or deal with daily belongs to this subset of our society. Almost all my friends, associates, girlfriends or anyone else comes from some blood occultic families. Some even to what capacity they are able seek to support me in my efforts. I am alive today because some evil bastards simply decided not to do as they were instructed. Knowing full well the consequences for siding with me. Try to understand these individuals have lived corrupt malignant lives, they hate themselves but are forbidden to take their own lives. There is virtual nothing they can do to truly cause those over them to flip out or take offense. Yet they do recognize that my stumbling about is upsetting. Having run around everywhere doing what I do. I have always done so without a net, so to speak. It is a source of boarder line amazement, more particularly they think I am “bat-shit” crazy! Nonetheless I am still here. You may know people who collect body art, fashionably tattoos these days. I sometimes joke of my own collection of scars and injuries to my body. Thankfully I heal exceptionally well. Most of my scars heal to the point of being almost unnoticeable, if you did not know my histories. It is an exhausting hobby, painful too! A frequent refrain I hear while being admitted to the ER or ICU has been, “Mr Williams, you are very lucky to be alive”.  “Yeah Doc I hear that allot. Do the best you can.”.  It has become somewhat of a ongoing joke, amongst friends and family. These days those groups have become ultra thin. Another reason I make this record of events in my life including improved contemporaneous writings. We can all hope for such. Believe me if it was up to me, no one would know much if anything about me, or my life. I have been, or more correctly I have allowed myself to be forced into a dreadfully unpleasant set of circumstances, as I have whined concerning previously.

Okay Sherman set the way-back machine to the 80’s and 90’ of the last century. Seeing patterns across the country in the minds of crazy ass bitches, now I do Not mean that in a bad way. I have a immense affinity for beautiful crazy ladies. Now as I was saying, the imagery within their minds was too consistent to be coincidence. The language of our sub- conscience is imagery, archetypal, motifs, iconography, mythical, dreams, visions, will of the wisps and whimsy. I believe we all “see” much more of one another than we choose to accept. The largest hurdle to understanding is this compulsion to read or understand what we “see” before the picture is finished assembling in our minds. This tendency has been increasingly pushed into smaller and smaller bits. Which as a negative exponential inverse function has become more and more confusing as to be nigh meaningless with each subsequent reduction. Hence at a time when we should be more connected to everyone. We find increased feelings of isolation and alienation. No matter how much we communicate with our neighbors next door or abroad we have less consensus or feelings of commonality. We sequester these feeling with their accompanying anxieties, less we inadvertently offend anyone. Like what the Fuck! It is part and parcel of the Adult World. Being offended or offending others is how things get done. Usually for the best interests of everyone. Granted we should strive to be engaging to achieve our goals, short of violence or intimidation. Yet as any honest government would gladly concede. Once negotiations by normal means come to an impasse then comes negotiations by “other means”. The debased conduct of sordid persons is best met with our best foot forward, right up their ass! Like most animals, immediacy tends to be the most effective in correcting Mali-adpted conduct. Back to the horse I rode up on, hahaha.

At any rate, over the years I began to solve the underlying issues. I actually came to my own work arounds prior to fully grasping the centralized source or the impact of its implications. Years later I did begin to hear limited bits of information over the internet. Although it did take me a while before I started to correlate the “conspiracy theory” data with what I was “seeing” in women throughout the country.  Largely because few had any real coherent information. Eventually, information concerning Project MK Ultra and our government's Psy-Ops programs sufficiently surfaced to flesh out the details. As a child, young teenager I was familiar with the government’s LSD experiments for a variety of reasons, mind control being one aspect. Frankly I can not believe there are people today who do not know or refuse to believe that our government conducted such experimentation on the populace. It was just common knowledge in the circles I travel. If you read the Program Outline for MK Ultra it has an extensive list of lines of “study” information was to be explored, accumulated with a focus of deriving paradigms of control on individuals, groups, countries, cultures, and from that to the world at Large. The Globalist, New World Order, G-7, Trilateral Commission, Illuminati the individuals and their constantly shifting panorama of institutions and foundations are continually sifting beliefs and cultures in an multi-generational game of Three Card Molly. Degree by degree all the world’s various societies and Cultures have been manipulated via global misdirection with large quantities of restructuring of values and beliefs. Till everyone on Earth thinks good is bad; and bad is good. I should think we have all heard these arguments before, usually framed as the delusions of conspiracy theorist. All rather convenient as a means explaining away any descent or even an open fair discussion. Our social structure has drifted far from where we should be. Starting in 2020, everything is going to change and never be this pleasant or nice again. Well at least not till after the Second Coming. Hahaha, despite sounding …...

[stlgeekgirl]

The Case of the Lost Belief

The second gift for my Secret Santa @iamtheno1cumbercookie  Today calls for a little Sherlock and Rosie fluff.  Hope you enjoy it.  

Warning:  Do not let any kids still within the magic of Santa read this!

“I want to hire you”

The childlike voice suddenly appeared out of seemingly nowhere from the direction of his sitting room.  Sherlock poked his head from the kitchen.

Eight-year-old Rosie Watson stood just inside his doorway, small fists clenched at her sides.  He squashed down his first involuntary question: Does your father know you’re here?  because obviously if John knew where his daughter was, he’d be here with her.

The second obvious yet involuntary question that sprang forth:  How did you get here? was also squashed.  Young Watson was intelligent enough to know how to get to Baker Street by either taxi or train.  To prove it as he stepped into the sitting room, the small blonde pointed towards the landing.

“The taxi needs money, I didn’t have any.”

“Sit.”  he ordered, hurrying past her and grabbing his wallet and phone from the fireplace mantle as he passed.  “Your chair.  Don’t move until I return.”

He hurried down the stairs to pay the taxi driver.  Luckily it was one of his regulars.

“Afternoon Mr. Holmes.”

“George.  How much?”

“Twenty-three quid. Picked the young Miss up from Adlington.”

Sherlock handed over the notes and thanked the driver.  He unlocked his phone as he stepped back into Baker St. and texted John.

 Rosie is at Baker St. She’s fine. SH

 “Now Miss Watson,” he said as he stepped back into the flat.  Rosie, who was sitting in the chair deemed “Watson’s” turned to look at him.  “What is this nonsense about hiring me?”

“I wanna hire you.”  She repeated as if it were the most normal thing in the world for the Consulting Detective to be hired out by eight-year old’s.  Although there had been a couple.   She began pulling coins and notes from the backpack sitting on the floor beside her.  

“I don’t have much money, but I hope it’s enough.”

“Put your money away   Rosie-mine, I’ll not take it.”

“I’m serious.”  Her blue eyes glinted like icy steel and Sherlock felt the old familiar pang of loss when he saw Mary in her look.  “I have a case and I need you to solve it.”

She was serious.  As much as an eight-year-old could be.  

Sherlock crossed the room and sat in his chair, across from her, giving himself a few minutes more to look her over.  Tear-stained face, agitated posture, red cheeks, papers poking from her open backpack.  Someone had upset her.

“Why don’t you explain what you wish to hire me for and then we’ll discuss payment.”

His phone buzzed in his pocket as he spoke, and he slid it out to read the message.

 WHAT!  JW

I’ve been looking all over this bloody school for her! JW

 “I want you to prove that Father Christmas is real.”  Rosie stated.

Oh.

OH!

Oh.

He was in no way prepared to destroy his eight-year-old God daughter’s belief system.  Especially a belief system that had been expressly forbidden by John, Mrs. Hudson and Molly that he was not even to express a peep about.

He watched her silently waiting for her to continue ranting.  If she was upset about something, he found that just standing there and allowing her to stomp around and shout about it usually led to her discovering the solution on her own.  His Rosie was extremely clever.  

This time, however, she merely stared at him, daring him to refuse her.    As if he could refuse her anything.  

Mary had been gone these past eight years and while he missed her every damn day, as Rosie had grown, she’d effortlessly slipped into that hole he had in his rarely used heart where her mother occupied for the short time she’d been in his life.  Rosie only had to ask, and Sherlock would fight metaphorical dragons for her.  He would do anything for her.  

Including upsetting everything she believed in and thereby regulating him to the couch to sleep for who knew how long when her Godmother discovered what he had done.

“What happened?”

“Jack said Father Christmas was a myth.”  The story exploded from her and frothed over like a raging volcano.  “He said that our parents give us our presents, that they lied to us about a magical man who comes and brings us presents.  Katie said only babies believe in Father Christmas.  So, I pushed her.”

“Rosamund.”  he admonished.  

“She made me angry!”  Rosie exploded again, a smaller one this time as her vitriol was quickly running out.  Her eyes reddened again, and Sherlock pushed back the usual panic he got when the woman around him began to cry.   “You never lie to me Uncle Sherlock. You promised me you’d always be truthful with me no matter what.  I trust you to tell me the truth.”

Sherlock sighed heavily.  Caught in a web of his own making.  He could practically hear Mary’s cackling laughter behind him.

“I did promise Rosie, but first, are you sure you want an answer to your question?   It doesn’t matter what the truth is, it only matters what you believe.”  He folded his hands underneath his chin and studied her. “Answer me this Rosamund, what do you believe?”

Rosie sat on the edge of the chair, her nose scrunching up in thought.  She knew that if he countered with a question, there was a reason for it.      

“I believe in... something,” she hedged.  “It’s hard to get into our home and my presents are usually split between my house and here and there’s no reason for Father Christmas to drop presents here.  Plus, there is no way one man can get around an entire world in a night without the use of a time and space machine or a teleporter, neither of which have been invented yet.”  She looked up at her, her blue eyes watery.  “But why do parents tell this story and their kids continue it when they become parents?”

Wasn’t that the question of the hour?  He stood up and held out a hand.  Rosie climbed from the chair and slid her small hand in his larger one.  He led her towards the sitting room window, pulling back the sash and picking her up.  She was still light enough that he could do this although her long legs made it difficult to navigate anywhere.   Her legs wrapped around his waist and she wrapped her arms around his neck.   He stood in front of the uncovered window and nodded towards the picture outside.  

“Observe young Watson.  What do you see?”

 People were bustling around the sidewalks, arms ladened with packages and bags.  On the corner was a bundled-up figure ringing a bell next to a red bucket.  Several people dropped coins in as they passed.  A group of people stopped just in front of the sidewalk across the street and chatted pleasantly for a bit before going their separate ways.

“People talking.  Putting money in the bucket.  Lots of packages.  A pickpocket’s dream really.”

Sherlock laughed loudly, before planting a loud kiss on her temple.  

“I adore you Rosie-mine.  You have been around me far too much.”

She grinned back at him.  Mary’s grin.  

“The attempted larceny aside, there’s something about this time of the year that brings out the best in most people.  Father Christmas was a real person in the sense that there was a St. Nicholas.  But an actual man who rides a sleigh led by eight reindeer that can fly, no.”

 Rosie took in his words, her brow furrowed as she stared out the window in contemplation. 

“But…why do parents lie?”

Sherlock walked back from the window, Rosie still in his arms, towards his chair.  He let her down and she waited only long enough for him to get comfortable before she scrambled up onto his lap. 

“It isn’t that they lie Watson,” he began.  “Rather the world we live in is cruel and harsh and rife with generally not nice people.  Most children see the world not as it is, but as some sort of magical and wonderful place. There’s a kind of magic in the air around this time of the year where people aren’t as cruel or impatient as they would normally be the rest of the year.   Your dad just wants you to have that magic as long as you can before real life crushes your soul.”

“So…I shouldn’t be mad at Dad and Aunt Molly and Nana Hudders?”

“Rosie, we all love you and we try very hard to keep you somewhat ignorant of the evil that truly happen out in the real world.  They more than I admittedly. You are a very clever young lady and you have an ability to think outside the box that I admit I cannot do at times because I’m jaded.  If you tell anyone I said any of that, I will firmly deny it and return your Christmas present.”

Rosie grinned excitedly.  “You got my Christmas present?  What did you get me?”

“And spoil the surprise?  Your Aunt Molly would kill me, and I have cases to solve come the new year.”

Rosie curled up in his lap, resting her head against his chest.  His hand came up to stroke her blond hair and pull her snug against him.

“Thank you, Uncle Sherlock.  I promise to let Dad think that I still believe in Santa for another year or so.”

“I’d appreciate it, Watson.”

“You’re going to make a great Dad.”

He snorted lightly.  “I have you Rosie, I hardly need any other children.”

She tilted her head up to look at him.  “But don’t you and Aunt Molly want kids?  They won’t be as adorable as me but, they’d still be kind of cool.”

His lips quirked upward as he continued to stroke her hair.  “Your Aunt Molly and I are…complicated Rosie, I very much doubt children are anywhere in my near future.’

The door to the flat slammed shut and was followed by heavy footsteps on the staircase. 

“Ah, it seems your father is here Watson.  Do try to go easy on him.”

Rosie remained where she was as her father ran into the open door of the flat, face red in fear and anger.  She felt Sherlock’s grip tighten on her for a mere moment before relaxing as her full name was shouted in terrified exclamation.  Reluctantly she slid off Sherlock’s lap and was snatched up in a fierce hug. 

“You scared the hell out of me and your Auntie Molly!”  John shouted.

“You called Molly?”  Sherlock asked as the sound of the main door slammed shut again followed by footsteps. 

As Rosie looked over her father’s shoulder to the relieved face of her Godmother as she came into view she thought about what her Godfather had said, how this makeshift family she had loved her and only wanted to protect her and keep her innocent of the terrors that await her as she grew.  She held back a knowing smile as she watched Molly shoot a concerned look over their heads to Sherlock and hoped she was here when her Godfather found out what Molly was giving him for Christmas.  For all his talk sometimes, he didn’t truly observe what he saw around him.  Especially when it was someone close to him.

  ޫz���

[himbowelsh]

can you do the bob ships and when they knew they were going to marry the other? the moment that made them start saving for the ring, that made them consciously realize that they can't image a future without the other person, etc.

WINNIX

they’re both relaxed, sitting around, talking and joking with each other. dick says something funny, and nix LIGHTS UP. dick has seen the face nix puts on when trying to impress people. that veil of cynicism fades into the background. he’s smooth, witty, blindingly charming, everything a good society boy ought to be. but right now he’s not putting on airs for anyone. he’s not trying to be anything he’s not. he’s just happy, and nix happy is simple and beautiful.

the first time dick sees this version of nix… well, he’s head over heels in a second. that’s the moment he realizes that all he ever wants is to see nix happy.

meanwhile, dick is just dick. what can you say about him? he’s incredible. one night nix is drunk at a party, and he’s trying to pretend he’s not alone. he’s two bottles of vat in, draped halfway over the bar like his entire body is giving out on him… and suddenly dick is there. he peels nix off of the bar, wraps his arms around his shoulders, and gently steers him out of the bar. “come on, nix… it’s alright. let’s get you home.”

as they’re walking to the car, nix looks up and sees dick haloed by the glow of the streetlight. he feels dizzy; the entire world seems to tilt on it’s axis, and the only thing that remains standing upright is dick. that’s when it hits him that THIS is the man he loves. he can’t imagine living without dick. he needs to spend the rest of his life with him.

SPEIRTON

they’re driving, and there’s a car crash just up ahead of them. speirs is a volunteer firefighter in between military tours (he thrives off of doing crazy, lifesaving shit), so he doesn’t hesitate to run straight towards the burnign wreck. he frees the trapped passengers before the emergency crew can even get there. then he stays with the victims, helping give them as much medical attention as he can until the ambulance arrives – though ron got them out before they could be seriously hurt. 

when lip rushes over to help him, ron’s covered in sweat. his clothes are singed, and he’s got a few cuts on his hands. still, he’s grinning like he just won a marathon, and it’s the most amazing thing he’s ever seen. THAT’S the moment lip realizes he’s really in love with this crazy bastard.

lip works as a waiter when he’s not going to school or helping at the family boarding house. speirs knows exactly how hard lip works, and he never fails to admire him for it. one day, however, he hears lip agree to cover luz’s afternoon shift without even batting an eye. ron KNOWS that lip has to make dinner at the boarding house tonight, and he’s got a night class, not to mention the essay due tomorrow – but he agrees to help his friend without batting an eye.

he’s never seen such genuine selflessness, without any ulterior motives. lip just does things, because he’s a great person and cares about people. he’s so fiercely loyal that is scares RON some times. in that moment, he realizes exactly HOW in love he is.

BABEROE

babe shows up to pick gene up at the end of his shift, but he’s kept waiting in the parking lot for fifteen minutes. finally, he gets worried enough to go inside, and finds the ER in absolute chaos. they just got a mass-casualty incident, and everyone is scrambling to save lives. babe finds his boyfriend elbow deep in a man’s chest, holding his heart in his hands.

gene is covered in blood, and so intensely focused that he doesn’t realize babe is there – but babe is just hit by lightning. there is no way to describe how gene looks when he’s saving a life. it’s such an inappropriate time, and there’s literally a beating heart between them, but THAT’S the moment. that’s when he realizes he needs to spend the rest of his life with this amazing man.

gene is a little amazed by babe every day. it’s the little things that he does that make his world brighter, even when the stress starts cracking down on him. it’s SUCH a little thing: one afternoon, gene’s had a very difficult day, and is exhausted. babe comes over, wraps a blanket around him, presses a mug of tea in his hands, and switches on a comedy show. “i know you’ve had a long day. why don’t we just relax, huh?”

gene looks up at babe while he’s laughing at a funny joke, his eyes lit up with the light of the TV screen, and is engulfed with such a wave of warmth that he feels like he’s drowning. it’s the best sensation in the world. the next day, he decides, he has to start looking for a ring.

WEBGOTT

so lieb really does not like boats, but web... web kinda does. a lot. and that’s where they have a problem, because lieb is always convinced that web is going to get himself killed on his stupid boat, but separating web from the water is like taking a mermaid out of the ocean. anyway, one day web goes out on his boat, and he doesn’t come home. hours pass. day turns into night, web is still missing, and lieb is FREAKING the hell out. calling his friends, calling his parents, getting ready to call the damn coast guard

when web walks into the house.

he’s got a huge bruise on the side of his face. his hair is matter with water. there’s a cut on his arm, and he’s trailing blood into the kitchen. he looks bedraggled, exhausted, and like he just crawled out of the ocean, but he’s alive. he nearly got himself killed in a dumb boating accident, but he’s OKAY. it hits lieb like a sack of bricks in that moment. he always knew he was crazy about webster, but thinking for a moment that he lost him was what made him realize that he could not stand to live without this man.

as for web, he’s an emotional dude, okay, so he feels very strongly about joe at any and all times. he varies from feeling like “oh my god this man is my soulmate” to “i want to stab you and leave your body for the sharks” on a daily basis. the moment he really falls for joe, though, is the moment web is running late for a meeting with his editor. his car has broken down, and he’s got a meeting in ten minutes. he texts joe in a panic. two minutes later, a taxi swings up outside the house and starts balring it’s horn.

watching joe break a dozen traffic laws, driving like a maniac to get web to work on time, it occurs to web that lieb is never more beautiful than when he’s determined. he’s like an avenging angel, one of the superheroes he so admires. for a few minutes, web’s panic subsides, and all he can think is that no one will ever have his back like joe. he’s the most amazing person he’s ever met.

LUZTOYE

so everybody knows that luz is a spaz, but he like... does things that make joe seriously question his sanity sometimes. bartop karaoke. tapdancing while wearing sandals. actual singing in the rain. joe doesn’t know hos he puts up with luz, or why he’s as in love with him as he is, but for SOME REASON he is. (he loves him so much that sometimes it makes him feel delirious.) then one day, luz almost gets hit by a freaking car.

he’s texting while walking AND talking while crossing the street. once again, luz is an idiot, but it’s still the damn driver’s fault for running a red light while people are in the middle of the crosswalk. joe grabs luz and hauls him back just in time that they both avoid getting hit. held tight against his chest, luz just gapes up at him, wearing an expression of unfiltered shock. he looks so confused and stunned that for a moment joe just wants to kiss the expression off his face.

then, as his pounding heart calms, luz grins and makes a wisecrack out of it. joe rolls his eyes, but his heart is still hammering. the memory of luz’s wide eyes are burned into his mind. there’s no way he can escape the truth -- he’s totally head over heels for luz. (even if he is an idiot. then again, joe must be just as dumb, because he’s the one in love with him.)

for luz, it’s simple. he realizes it pretty earlier into his relationship. on their fourth date, they get sidetracked when joe gets an unexpected call, and has to go into his part-time job. george offers to come with him, figuring joe must be a bouncer or something. maybe they’ll have a good time at the club.

nope. turns out, joe volunteers at an ANIMAL SHELTER. specifically, he trains the dogs a lot of people are scared of -- rottweilers and put bulls, the “violent” dogs. he’s passionate about them, and they all love him just as much. every dog there adores him. george gets to see a side of joe toye he could never have predicted -- playing and laughing with a pack of dogs, getting licked and hit with wild wagging tails. it’s stunning. it’s unexpected. it’s THE BEST THING george has ever seen. he knows right then and there that joe’s the guy for him.

[consmacbutung1977]

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