#There are probably ones I've forgotten
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I love when I see posts like "Share how many crochet WIPs you currently have! I have 5, it's so many!"
Like, girl, I have unfinished projects from over a decade ago that I refuse to frog on the off chance I decide to finish them. I've found years-old projects I forgot I even started and will impulsively just finish it on the spot. I've started three different projects in the last 2 months, including one I started yesterday, that I already know I may or may not finish within the year depending on motivation.
The number of WIPs I have is infinite.
#crochet#knitting#needlepoint#sewing#embroidery#shoutout to the time it took me 4 years to make my dad a hat. and like 6 years to make a turtle for a teacher.#i picked up yarn spinning for ONE day in like 2017. i have not done it since.#there's a half finished elephant amigurumi sitting in a basket and i started that guy in like 2011#i have two maybe three shawls i know of that are sitting unfinished in a storage bag#plenty of swatches of things that i start and lose interest in#currently i have a cardigan i wanted to make and started it and then got bored so i stopped#there's a hat i was knitting for my nanna that i started maybe 2 days before she passed#and that's sat unfinished i can't even look at it. i have no clue if i'll ever actually finish it.#there's at least one skirt i never finished sewing. and two skirts i have all the materials for but haven't started.#i know i have one beach cover up dress and one cover up skirt that i started in 2017 and didn't finish.#i think my oldest work in progress though dates back to when i was 9 or 10. i made a slipper. never finished the other foot.#that was in 2005 or 06. so literally i might have WIPs older than someone who is reading this.#and those are the just some of the ones i REMEMBER. buried in my yarn stash are probably others i've just forgotten.
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Pretty clothes for you! ✨ (Patreon)
#My art#Solanaceae#Satine#Ahh!!! Even with this one being done I'm still so nervous about it somehow!! Haha ♪#It's been so so soooo long since I've participated in an Event that I've forgotten everything I've ever learned or done in one haha#But yes! This is an event piece! DCS put out an art call and I wanted to join and I'm very glad I did! :D#I would consider myself a very casual fan of Solanaceae like it's been way too long since I've reread in earnest but I like to stop by#Lovely art and characters and interesting movement and feelings and problems everyone runs into it's quite cool :D#Satine is probably my favourite of the bunch even if it has been too long since I've properly caught up with everyone!!#I remember always feelings very positive and like - mixed-love? They're complex in a way that I really like#Ahh all the more reason to catch up again! So I can properly express how I feel about Satine /now/ not just partially remembered haha#I'm also just generally a fan of DCS' art style and passion and ah <3#I don't think I've mentioned it anywhere but DCS was one of my Very Big - maybe even Main inspirations to make VargasLovingHours#And then I also get to draw their pretty lad in Satine! Yes!!#I have a lot to feel thankful for inspiration-wise haha ♥#This was a fun outfit to design :D I really wanted Satine to feel pretty 'cause they are!#A kind of cool pink and scalloping I will always choose scalloping if there is an option for scalloping to be chosen#And I got to bring back a bit of the rainbow-opal look I used for Winter King a bit back as well! :D#And mirrors and sparklies and just - yes! Many good and fun things!!#I do think it's a bit funny since those were supposed to be thought bubbles but then I just - forgot to make the little bubble tails lol#Remembered them on the flowers! But not the thought bubbles! Haha oh well ♪#Does not diminish the cutes or the pretties ♫
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I must once more ask fanfic writers to please stop apologising for your work. No "this may be bad" or "yeah sorry this sucks", especially not in the summary. Otherwise many people will go, "Okay, this seems interesting… but they already start by saying that it's bad, so I'll just scroll on to the next one".
More than that, it just puts me in a bad mood. When I read the title and tags and summary, I'm excited about your work! …until you tell me that you're not and I shouldn't be either. Talk about a let-down. And mind you, this is long before I ever read the first word of your story.
Okay, but what do you do if you really think your story might be bad, but you want to publish it anyway? My suggestion is lying. Just pretend it's a great story, worthy of being published. No apologies, just present it as if you were someone who is proud of what you wrote. You may feel like a fraud, but just give it a try.
The secret trick here is that many (all?) people who publish their works without apologies also feel like their work might not be good enough, and feel like frauds. Certainly if they don't have that many stories and/or are trying something completely new. You're not actually a fraud, you're just a normal beginner.
And the second secret trick here is that you are probably bad at telling whether your story is any good. You are the only one who can compare to the written text to the abstract jumble of ideas in your head. You know all the fun ideas you couldn't include because of three fun options, only one could go in there. You know the parts you didn't write because you didn't find the words. You know the clunky parts you had to write to connect the fun stuff. But nobody else knows any of this stuff. They just see the story as written on its own, and you may be surprised how much they like it. Give them that chance.
If you really absolutely feel like you have to, you can put something like, "first time writing fanfic" or "first time writing bank heist" or similar in the notes, but that's strictly optional. Just don't apologise. Let us be excited.
(Same thing applies to fan artists. But due to the way most sites show you the picture first and the caption second, it's a bit different there. It's actually kind of funny to see an incredibly gorgeous drawing, and then scroll on to see an apology for how bad it is underneath.)
#did I write a post like this before? probably#will I write it again once I've forgotten about this one? probably#fanfic
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I hate that we never heard Astrid tell Hiccup 'I love you'. I was fully expecting her to tell him she loved him back in rtte 6x06 after he told her he loved her... but she didn't. Like they really made an entire episode about Astrid wanting a more lovely dovey relationship but then she never even said 'I love you' in the episode?? And Astrid has so many inspiring and loving speeches to Hiccup but I wish there was an 'I love you' included in at least one of them
#hiccup haddock#hiccup horrendous haddock iii#how to train your dragon#httyd#httyd hiccup#hiccstrid#hiccup and astrid#astrid hofferson#they love each other your honor#I MEAN NOT EVEN ONE IN HOMECOMING??? what are you even doing in the writing room writers?#this is why fanfiction exists#astrid loves hiccup let her cook#did stoick even ever tell hiccup he loves him in any episode or movie? probably...hopefully...#give this talking fishbone some vocal love for gods sake#i guess astrid is more into physical love#pause hold the phone#i didn't mean like THAT#but like also probably exactly like that if we're being honest#she probably screams it during s-#wait what am i saying jeezkabob#anyway the point is we deserved an 'i love you' from astrid#imagine if there actually was a scene of her saying it and I've just totally forgotten about it#these tags really got away from me I'm sorry
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since i spiraled back down stucky again i was so caught up in a post-winter soldier/post-civil war universe that i completely forgot that endgame existed.
#captain america#bucky barnes#stucky#steve x bucky#marvel#ca:tws#ca:cw#avengers endgame#like i've been deepdiving some fics#and coming across infinity war / endgame fics (fix its) and i'm like WAIT WHAT?????????#and then i'm like 'oh yeah THAT shit storm'#it's just so funny to me that i'm just like completely erasing everything kind of post infinity war#(also: i have forgotten how much i always hated the whole 'everyone lives in avengers tower' universe people were in for so long)#('and they all watched disney movies' WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THEY WOULD NOT DO THAT)#(clint maybe. and probably tony. but no one else.)#(i mean it was such an innocent sweet chaotic time but still hate that whole trope ahahahaha)#anyway it's been fun and i miss them so much
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Red Hood Characterization
This is really long so I'm putting a cut here, I've been thinking about Jason Todd's character motivations and the question of whether or not his actions are based in a Moral Code (I don't think so, not to say he's without any morality) and I talk about that in more depth here.
I saw someone say on here that Titans: Beast World: Gotham City was some of the best Jason Todd internal writing they'd seen in a while, and I've been a Red Hood fan for 8 years or so now? pretty much since I read comics for the first time, so I went and checked out and I thought it was good! The way the person I saw talking about it as if it was rare and unusual made me wonder though, because as well-written as i thought his stances on crime were, there wasn't really anything in it that went against the way I conceptualize Jason?
This kinda plays into a larger question I've been thinking about for a while with Jason though, which is that, do people think that the killing is part of a fundamental worldview that motivates him a la batman, and that worldview is the reason he does the things he does?? Because 8 years ago i was a middle schooler engaging with fiction on the level that a middle schooler does, so I simply did not put much thought into it beyond "poor guy :(" but ever since I actually started trying to understand consistent characterization, I don't really see Jason as someone who's motivated by a moral code in his actions the way batman or superman is!
tbh my personal read is that he's a very socially-motivated guy, his actions from resurrection to his Joker-Batman ultimatum in utrh always seemed to me like every choice made leading up to his identity reveal was either a. to give him the leverage and skill necessary to pull off his identity reveal successfully, or b. to twist the knife that little bit more when he does let Bruce find out who he is. Like iirc there's a Judd Winick tweet like "yeah tldr he chose Red Hood as his identity because it's the lowest blow he could think of." And I think that's awesome, I think character motivations rooted so deeply in character's relationships and emotions are really fun to read! I also think it's where the stagnation/flatness of his character comes from in certain comics, because if his main motivation is one event in one relationship that passes, and he is not particularly attached to anything in his life or the world by the time that comes to pass, it's a little harder to come up with a direction to go with the character after that, because there isn't much of a direction that aligns with something the character would reasonably want? But I do think solving this by saying "all of the morally-off emotionally driven cruelty he did on his way to spite Batman was actually reflective of his own version of Batman's stance that's exactly the same except he thinks it's GOOD to kill people" isn't ideal. To be fully honest, it seems to me like he never particularly cared one way or the other about killing people to "clean Gotham of crime," he just did everything he could to get the power necessary to pull off his personal plans, and took out any particularly heinous people he encountered along the way (like in Lost Days.) Not to say I think the fact he killed people keeps him up at night anymore than everything else in his life events, I just never really thought he was out there wholeheartedly kneecapping some dude selling weed or random guy robbing a tv store for justice.
Looping wayyy back to my question, Is this (^) contradictory to the way he's written/the overall average perception of the character? Because like I enjoyed his writing in Beast World i have zero significant issue with anything there, I just didn't believe it would be a hot take, like yeah, that is Jason. It's been a while since I've read utrh and lost days, but I don't think my takeaway directly contradicts either of those too bad iirc. Idk all this to say I think Jason killing and being alright with killing is an obvious and objective fact, but i guess i've always seen it as more of a practical tactic than a moral belief, and I think taking the actions made during the lowest points of a character's life where he is obsessively focused on this ONEEEE thing and trying to apply it as a Motivating Stance to everything he's done after that, doesn't really follow logically for me.
#edit: i am so so open to discussion and disagreement on this but please try to have something substantial to say. god bless!#like ofc jason kills but to me it was less “everyone I've ever killed deserves death objectively”#and more “when people are dead they stop doing things like heinous atrocities and trying to kill me"#i don't even think he wanted the joker dead (only) because he thinks he objectively morally deserves death#although the joker is one of the most extreme cases possible and he if does think that he's VERY justified#i really do think it was just about bruce#and wanting bruce to avenge him to show he loved him and he mattered and wanting his dad to give him security#all the killing was about the clown and everything with the clown was about bruce#i've NEVER forgotten the bit in lost days where he has the joker tied up at gunpoint and doesn't kill him#i think if it was only about a moral greater good situation he would have taken him out then and there#if you disagree i'd love to hear why provided you can be civil and not an jerk#also if you disagree PLEASE PLEASE put screenshots and comic issues if possible#i'd love to check them out and form my own stance on them#just know that if you say like. battle for the cowl. or the Tom King batman annual or something i probably won't care too much#comic characterization is ever-changing and inconsistent i truly believe that the best thing to do is just read the important stuff#and try to form your own stances from there#because there's never gonna be 100% of comics involving a character that align with each other perfectly and that's just a given#jason todd#red hood#dc comics
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there is a plethora of good x-files fanfics out there and i've just started to develop the problem of reading a very good one and not being able to find it again. because of this - and because all of these are genuinely novel worthy and the writers are INSANELY talented - i've decided to compile a list of some of my absolute favorites. some of these are from ao3 & some of them i found on other websites, such as x-libris and the gossamer project. i hope you enjoy these as much as i did and do. they mean the world to my romantic heart.
incrementum by lepusarcticus (explicit) - this was the first x-files fanfic i ever remember reading. i was trying desperately not to spoil the show for myself and i found out that this fic followed along the narrative, which was a godsend. i got the best of both worlds: a delectable, angsty passionate mulder/scully fic (in which they fucked from day 1) and no spoilers. it was so so so so fun reading this alongside watching the show. this writer is brilliant
omens by lepusarcticus (explicit) - i was not lying when i said this writer is brilliant. this entire thing reads like a novel and i could not for the life of me put it down when i stumbled upon it. its angsty and interesting, and could very well be another episode of the x-files because the case mulder and scully are one is so compelling. it is not easy feat to write something this good. chris carter, eat your heart out
triptych by iconicscullyoutfits (not rated but i'd say mature) - THIS WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. i can't speak highly enough about this one. its an au where mulder is married to diana fowley when he meets scully. its so so so so amazing. like i'd very well call this literature because it expanded my mind (i learned a great deal from this, especially from the chapter ice). i think diana was a very interesting character and i feel as though this fic treats her with the interest she deserves. the writing in this one is simply insane too - i'm envious of it and so so so in love with it.
love in all the wrong places by sisterspooky1013 (explicit) - mulder and scully accidentally have cybersex with each other while trying out online dating group chats. what more can i say? (also i applaud this author for making mulder's online handle allshookup61. that's so fucking mulder)
universal invariants (set from 1 to early season 2) and its sequel, laws of motion (set season 5) (both explicit) by syntax6 - these both hold such a special place in my heart. it is an au that takes on the idea that scully's bf (who was cut from the pilot, never to see the light of day) stays in the picture and there when dana starts working with fox. universal invariants makes me want to weep to because dana and fox are both so young and earnest and stupid! and laws of motion is great because they're still stupid but they're wiser about it. this is very dana and fox. i love, love, love the parts of universal invariants that cover dana's abduction arc. god these are GOOD.
arizona highways by fialka (explicit) - if you're one of those girlies who really likes an x-files episode that has a lot of case-file and scully going on, this one is FOR you. it is angsty in the worst of ways, covering more of what we see in the episodes christmas carol and emily. this is another one that i would call a novel, both in length and content. it is great and it is a very good dive into the character of scully and how she handles problems in her life
heart's desire by malibusunset (explicit) - this another really great scully-focused fic, where mulder is being a bit of an ass - as he is prone to - but she makes him come to his senses accidentally. i love a good jealous mulder and i love it even more when scully isn't exactly aware she's making him that way. this is so good that i stayed up an entire night reading it. you should too!
the guts / the incision / cauterize by wtfmulder (not all of the chapters are explicit but i would call this explicit in general) - this one is so fucking angsty it made me ache incredibly. it is a sucker punch to the gut that only the lovers (or rather, dedicated haters) of the diana/fox/dana situationship can truly appreciate. also, if you like your mulder a bit of an ass (i do! i think he really can be! i think its good to talk about!) this author is for you!!!
doorway to gods by wtfmulder (explicit) - a fic where mulder & scully go investigate a supposed portal to other dimensions shortly after scully recovers from cancer, and they both find themselves in separate hellish alternative universes where other mulder & scullys aren't doing so well. this is angsty, TOP TIER angsty. some of the scenes from this i think about often still and i read this a month ago. also this is hot. i can't not mention that small fact
the tiger complex by longgunguy (i'd say r for graphic violence but no sex or anything) - i'll be real, there isn't a whole lot of mulder/scully romance in this thing, aside from the a hand hold and a lot of quiet affection but this IS the x-files. in another world, this fic is an episode and it is brutal. you'll be biting your nails as you make your way through this one. its got a great cast of original characters and an incredible case-file, up there with an episode like ice.
#fic rec.#x-files#x-files fic rec#x files#i love this fandom. there is so much fic and talented people#like how COOL is it that they've got their own organized fic sites???#also this is probably not the last one of these i do. this is just what i can remember/what i found from the stuff i've been enjoying latel#i know i've certainly forgotten some
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what's the fandom etiquette for finding a beta reader or an editor? What's the difference between the two?
#leospeaks#not stardew#i'm out of the loop :')#i haven't been active in a fandom in so long that i've forgotten how to operate within one lmfao#knowing my anxious ass i'm probably just overthinking it#ah well
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head in hands like "maybe i should have realized this about myself sooner" as i am surrounded by neon flashing signs that Very Clearly Indicate the thing i should have realized about myself sooner
#anyway i'm just mulling about the 'tism skdjfhgljhdfg#thinking about how i've been having a hard time on site with my internship because i struggle to make small talk with my superiors#and everything is uncomfortable and terrible all of the time and i feel so so out of my depth#but talking with my university superior about the methodology of our profession#has me feeling like i'm playing just dance on extreme and i'm nailing every single beat w#like quite literally is like one of those rhythm games where when you get a combo it plays a cool sound effect#and i'm playing so well the sound effects are overlapping and the screen is just an explosion of stars w#so yeah i am. very comfortable talking academics and theory and things but. shit in social situations.#when i don't have that to rely on whoops#anyway it's just another thing on the incredibly long list of things i have building in my mind of#'why i should have realized i'm probably on the spectrum sooner'#the thrilling sequel to 'how did i go 20+ years without realizing i have ADHD' w#(speaking of)#(the way my ADHD has been leaping into the spotlight this week)#(biggest highlight was being jumpscared not once)#(not twice!!)#(but THREE times by food i had bought for myself)#(put down briefly)#(and then forgotten about for upwards of 30 minutes to 5 hours)#(like the other day i bought myself a little pastry on the way home as a congrats for surviving another week)#(and i put it on the table when i came inside)#(but i. forgot i did that. and went like 4 hours without even thinking about it)#(until i got up and left my room and saw the bag and went '! ! ! ! ! ! ! OH MY GO D MY PASTRY NOOOOOOO')#(the adhd and the autism . . . . they are attacking my ass . . . . . )
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alice yabusame art marathon 2024 has ended early.........it's okay there's always next year
#alice yabusame art marathon 2024#i feel upset that i couldn't finish a goal i set for myself but also i feel a little relieved#got off to a bad start then i started missing the other deadlines.....i'm too far behind to catch up#was working on another art piece and realised i wasn't happy with it at all and was like. yeah i should probably call it quits#also maybe drawing everyday to improve only works when you're actively trying to learn instead of trying to just get an art piece out asap#especially when you're still bad at anatomy and have stiff drawings....and you've forgotten how to draw faces#i'll study and relearn everything in the new year and will come back stronger#i want to work on my artstyle too....#in the meantime i will finish my wips#+ alice's birthday....it's sooner than i thought oh god#i also have mvs to plan out. i've been stalling for too long no one animate [REDACTED] to [REDACTED] by [REDACTED] until i'm done okay#thank you to everyone who liked and reblogged and supported and everything ILOVE YOU☺️☺️☺️YAYYY#i'm really scared of talking to people directly but please know i appreciate all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i can't put anything into words i feel like that's not enough. telepathically sends my thoughts directly into your mind#i'm going to rest now.... oyasumimir everynyan
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I can't stop thinking about Mell. She's so interesting and theres still so much we don't know about her and her history with Starhammer.
Like we know she was grown in a lab. Its implied she was raised alongside others but what happened to them? What happened if they failed to become Aether technicians? After Mell stopped the Stellar Synthesis labs? Presumably they were given an education, but was that only for stuff relevant for becoming a technician? To keep her dependent on the corporation, I wonder if Mell wasn't taught life skills like basic financial literacy, cooking, world politics, etc etc. Considering how she had to be transferred in and out of labs in an ENCLOSED container and had to break out, it seems like she wasn't even allowed to leave the lab or see the outside world, at least not without permission. She probably wasn't paid, girl was basically kept captive and used for free (+ highly skilled and expensive) labor and she still says it wasnt that bad???
When she dismantled Stellar Synthesis labs, what then? Where did she go? Did she immediantly begin work on Starhammer? Mfhfm theres so much between her and Starhammer and we really only got to see the very end of their relationship. What made Mell hate the Advocates? WHEN did she begin to hate the Advocates, before or after Starhammer joined them? Did she go to them for help, to report Stellar Synthesis labs crimes, only for the report to go nowwhere, and she to realized that the Advocates had been bought off? Was Starhammer her attempt to repair the Advocates, or was it only after he joined and rose in the Advocates where she began to realise that the Advocates were corrupt?
“So you haven’t killed anyone else?” (The Engineer Ch.12) <- Maybe I'm looking to deep into it, but what does this line mean?? It implies that Mell saw/heard about Starhammer killed someone, and that was when she began to suspect something was wrong with him. Theres also how Mell is very anti-murder, which I'm sure could probably tie into it as well. And their whole conversation in this chapter feels like a continuation of a past one, probably the one that made Mell leave Starhammer for good.
On that thought, how did Mell and Starhammer seperate ways? Mell abandoning Starhammer seems a bit hypocritical since her main thing for making him was to not be forgotten, and I doubt Mell would turn around and try to forget about him. And she clearly still cares about him.
mmh theres still so much I could cover, I've spent countless hours thinking about her.
#will wight#the last horizon series#the last horizon#Mell#tlh Mell#woops I mainly wrote this in my peak Mell obsession and it has been sitting in drafts ever since#i wish i wrote down all my points because i've definitely forgotten some by now#dying because a lot of these questions will probably remain unanswered.#On one hand I love how Wills writes characters because not only do they have loads of personality#they also feel like theres so much to them and we've only scratched the surface#but on the other hand I WANT TO KNOW
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that one bozo who made the gender swapped dame aylin mod: it's unrealistic for minorities to exist in this game because it's supposed to take place in medieval europe!!!!
aasimar, vampires, devils, and dragons aside....
bg3:
#bg3#thoughts about media#where's the outrage over the existence of a 1950s québécois dish in a medieval european setting? hm??#canada...canada doesn't exist in the forgotten realms. the land which this country occupies does- but the concept of the nation does not.#also! in the forgotten realms- bisexuality is the canonical norm and gender is much more complicated than just a clear cut binary.#several races have words in their languages specifically for transgender people.#and it's not viewed as strange in any way for someone to be transgender. transition is also super easy- as magic exists.#in fact. it's very probable that dame aylin CHOSE the form of a woman. based on what I've read- the divine can easily change their form.#and devils are all varying flavours of non-binary. primarily genderfluid it seems. it's totally normal for them to change form and pronouns#the majority of elven societies practice total gender equality- they do not see one gender as better/worse than the other in any way.#and bg3 actually does reflect the forgotten realms canon. pretty strongly. in this respect.#the illithid are genderless and referred to as such. your elven companions are all bisexual & polyamorous...#...duke stelmane has this title because it's a canonically genderless title. there is no use of sorceress/wizardess for the same reason.#and of course- your player character can swap gender & pronouns midway through the game and no one will care. at all.#like. for all the terrible problems with the forgotten realms- it's become FAR more aware of the fact that it's ridiculous for...#...a fantasy world to restrict gender and sexuality in the all-encompassing & discriminatory way that bigots demand.#also this isn't ammunition for anyone to pick on people who have lesbian/gay or straight tavs or durges.#my own main tav is a gay man.
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
#N posts stuff#one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety#now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body#but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself#like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao#bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with#is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again#and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than#'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it#which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that#so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively#like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered#like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#tula#d20lb
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the dichotomy of the emotions signalis can make you feel: katsup blast and the memory ending
#signalis#signalis spoilers#the promise ending didn't hit me like a fucking trainwreck#but maybe i still had to understand a lot of things#now that i've got the knowledge everything hits 1000x. im fucking wrecked by the memory ending#i know leave will probably be as terrible but this one was fucking personal.#now i'll go cry in a corner thinking about elster dying forgotten
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not sure if this counts as an AU but.. thinking about the Per Aspera crew as horror game bosses like.. you are wandering through a forested mountain range and you know somethings wrong because the forest shouldn't be this eerily silent, this devoid of life, and then you hear the crash of falling trees and there is a hand that is half your size glowing golden in the night and it is grabbing you and its claws are digging into your flesh and you see the spines running down the golden arm that is far too long as it lifts you over a crater in mountain, over a coiled, serpentine thing with a visage that is not of this world, and if you look closely you can see the shape of a child curled at the centre of the thing, golden hair reflecting the glow of the creature and if you listen closely you can hear her sobbing, 'Don't hurt me, I don't want to do this'. you are sailing through the astral sea when you see an ephemeral, resplendent spelljammer cutting through the starry waters and you rejoice because you have been lost on the seas for so so long, so you board the ship looking for help, supplies, anything, and you are greeted by a blue fire genasi (you wonder, do those even exist? but you can't get off the ship now because where else will you go?) and she tells you she is the captain of this ship but as far as you can tell there is no crew on board, and if she is not appearing right behind you from a trapdoor you've never noticed she is always in the engine room 'fixing the ship' even though the ship seems to be sailing perfectly fine ('Where are we going?' you ask her once and she doesn't even turn to look at you, 'Don't worry about it') and if you are ever so unlucky as to damage the ship in any way, you begin to catch flashes of red and orange out of the corner of your eye, a fire genasi wearing the woman's face who whispers at you with hollow, angry eyes 'Don't you fucking dare hurt my ship'. you are sailing through the astral sea when you see a rotting, decaying spelljammer, so badly damaged it's barely moving although you have to wonder how it's even staying afloat at all, and out of some morbid curiosity you climb on board and the deck of the ship is in no better shape than the hull, the marks of hard-fought battle - scars in the wood from sharp blades and arcane energies, stains of blood and oil splattered about - still fresh but you know time doesn't pass on the astral sea so who knows how long ago this all took place, and as you climb below decks you start to notice the writings on the walls, pieces of parchment nailed to every surface and connected with fraying, rotting threads, or words etched directly into the wood, the deep gouges barely readable, and you start to hear the creaking and clanking of rusted machinery slowly moving about and you turn a corner to see a figure standing in a room facing the wall, slowly scratching yet more of that unintelligible writing into the bones of the ship, and it turns as the rusted dented mechanite stares at you with eyes ablaze and he asks 'Who are you? Where is my crew?' as sparks of arcane lightning begins to arc through the room. you are running through a feywild forest and you know, even without the figure chasing you, that you have made a horrible mistake, you should have known better, should have been more careful, should have kept your impulses in check, and now you are being chased through an unfamiliar forest and the figure, the Hunter pursuing you knows this realm like the back of his hand, knows every tree and shrub and vine that is slithering up to grasp at your ankles, and you glance back desperately to catch any glimpse of your pursuer but there is no pursuer, he has hidden himself with some arcane trick or some innate power or just the knowledge that this realm is his home, and you hear his voice even though you cannot see him as he cries out 'You should not have hurt my family. Prepare to face the Hunter of Hundkiln'
sorry no Vhas yet maybe I'll update with one for him once we get more of his whole deal
#rolling with difficulty#asto speaks#well i lied only kyana's and finbar's really work as video game bossfights#dani's is more... horror short story? vr-la's is horror comic#bc dani's much more psychological and the environmental storytelling of vr-la's one would be pretty interesting.. probably#in hindsight vr-la's reads like it could be a magnus archive entry LMAO#contrary to whatever you may think (especially if youre in the discord) i dont actually like most horror#like i've only listened to abt ~10 episodes of tma bc it started fucking up my sleep thats how much of a wuss i am#like i dont actually *enjoy* horror but idk i had so much fun writing this. for some reason#hell i dont even enjoy *writing* most of the time#all the others are kinda based on a specific scenario like kyana's is if she never left the cenobium and suvi snapped before she did#(if you've watched/read jjk0 video game bossfight suvi is very much just orimoto rika)#vr-la's and finbar's are pretty self evident#dani's is kinda.. inspired by alfonso of the stultifera navis making this my second rwd brainworm that's just an arknights reference#captains that are cursed to haunt their empty ships plagued with has beens and could have beens#(her one is the only one absolutely not meant to be read as literal btw its a very 'that house has been empty for 40 years' kinda vibe)#found it kinda funny that dani's and vrla's start in very similar ways bc they both kinda have that i am the ship and the ship is me thing#dani's vibe in this is just more illusions and delusions and vrla's is more decaying forgotten grief#a ghost of a mechanite haunting a corpse of a ship
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Shadows of Fear: Did You Lock Up? (1.1, Thames, 1970)
"And they didn't make much mess?"
"No, not really. They forced that door. Smashed the cabinet, slashed a sofa. And kicked a hole in the bedroom door."
"Ah. Big mistake."
"What is?"
"Never lock inside doors. Anything you can to keep them out - but when they're in, let 'em get on with it."
"I'll remember."
#shadows of fear#single play#roger marshall#1970#classic tv#thames#kim mills#michael craig#gwen watford#ray smith#mark mcmanus#malcolm kaye#charles leno#having come to something of a premature pause in my New Scotland Yard watch (the first ep of series 3 isn't on the YT playlist I've been#using and is proving quite tricky to get ahold of) i thought I'd revisit this brief lived anthology series for the creepy season. i first#watched this about 10 years ago and my memories of it are scant to say the least‚ so it seemed like good viewing for the season#the production history of SoF is lost in the mists of time (unless someone out there wishes to enlighten me?); this first episode was shown#in June of 1970‚ but the rest didn't follow until January of the following year; probably this acted as a sort of pilot to gauge viewer#reactions to another vaguely horrorish anthology series (the previous decade had been ripe with them‚ tho we rarely see their like today)#and then there's the odd case of the final ep‚ shown almost 2 years after the series ended and running to half the length (and generally#feeling like an entirely different format) but I'll come to that when (and if) i get to the episode itself. this debut ep is... well it's#fine. i was excited to see Marshall's name in the opening credits‚ one of the most dependable of old tv writers and I'd quite forgotten he#contributed to this show. but the issue here is simply one of length. the plot is solid‚ a suitably grotty little tale of a family man's#mounting obsession with the burglars who broke into his home. it would make a good ep of Tales of Unease (shortly to begin on Thames'#sister broadcaster LWT) or a few years later as an episode of Tales of the Unexpected; both being 25 minute shows. but this clocks in at#close to 50 mins and there isn't really enough to it to sustain that longer running time‚ leaving it feeling a little stretched thin and#flimsy. a shame‚ because Craig and Watford are putting in excellent performances as the middle class couple whose reactions to the burglary#slowly shift as time passes (he goes from prosaic acceptance to fixated malice‚ she from shocked indignation to making peace with it all)#no big surprises in where the play is headed or how it plays out‚ but that's often the case with these things; it's often just as much#about the horrible foreknowledge of what must come than some shocking twist‚ and this plays it about right. it's just too long is all.
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