Oh babe I hope I can make it!!😂💗
How about Noah dating firefighter? I love women in those fields, they are queens!
Maybe some angst like Noah being away on tour and reader having hard days at work, trying to hold it in cause she doesn't want to worry Noah when he's away, but she's avoiding daily facetime calls lately and Noah gets worried?
Doesn't have to be angst, I'll leave it up to you!
Thank you💗
Wow! We’ve finally made it to your ask, love! I’m sorry for how long it’s taken, but I promise to give this one some extra love - just for you! 😘
After Writing Notes: don't hate me
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Uhm...all of'em. No smut this time. Stressful situations. Angst. Mentions of death. Injury. Hospital setting. Burns.
All You Wanted
Noah was having a really bad day.
Not just shitty, or annoying, or rough.
Bad. Plain and simple.
First, his car wouldn’t start. He tried to turn it over so many times he killed what little juice was left in the battery. No one else was home to give him a ride to the auto parts store, so he had to call an Uber - heavy battery with him - to pick up a fresh one. After the new one was installed, and his car was back in commission, he realized that had taken up two hours.
Next, due to the car issues, he was late to the movie he planned to go see. By the time he was able to make his way to the theater, it was already half over. Rather than wait for another showtime, he elected to not even bother. He was too irritated to enjoy a movie.
Then, as he tried to relax at home and let the frustration of the day pass, he managed to spill his bowl of cereal all over his carpet.
“Did I break glass, or something?” He wondered too himself as his shop vac sucked up the milk and soggy Cinnamon Toast Crunch off of the floor.
However, his day was due to get worse, much to his dismay. He didn’t realize it, but when he set his bowl on his nightstand next to the bed, he slid the candle he kept there over as well. That would’ve been no issue, normally. However, in his haste to grab the vacuum before the milk set in to the carpet, he flung his duvet over the nightstand…
The smell of smoke wafted through his room, and he was almost too angry to notice it. Once he did, he turned to see the corner of his blanket on fire, spreading slowly to the rest of his bed.
Jumping back, he yelped in horror.
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” He screamed, grabbing the water bottle he kept on his computer desk and spraying the half-empty contents onto the blaze.
It did virtually nothing, and he groaned, darting downstairs. Faster than he thought he could, he ran to the kitchen and grabbed the extinguisher from under the bathroom sink.
By the time he made it back to his bedroom, his entire bed was ablaze, pillows smoking heavily, and bed frame catching.
“Fuck!” He pulled the pin on the extinguisher, releasing the fog desperately, losing his breath as the mixture of fire retardant and smoke filled his lungs.
“Dude!” A voice came behind him, and he turned to see Jolly staring at him, grocery bag still in hand, a look of shock on his face.
Noah was coughing harshly now as Jolly’s hands came to wrap around the extinguisher.
“Go! Go outside and call 911! You need to breathe!”
Noah just nodded, backing out of the room and swiping his phone off of the desk. As he made his way down, his fingers dialed.
“911, what is your emergency?”
Noah and Jolly sat on the tailgate of Jolly’s pickup, staring at the house. Smoke still billowed out of the upstairs window of Noah’s room, and firefighters moved in and out of the house periodically.
The fire was out, but they still wouldn’t allow the men inside as they cleared it.
Noah’s room was about 50% burned, as he was told by the fire Captain. Luckily, the burn was contained to the bedroom, and nowhere else in the house sustained more than smoke damage. It was a relief, but also devastating. He didn’t know how much he lost of his belongings, but - at the very least - he’d be sleeping on the couch for a while.
“Guys?” Both of their heads looked up, seeing you stood in front of them. Your face still had soot coating your cheeks, and your hair was disheveled from the helmet you wore. “We’ve got the house secured and stabilized, so I’ll be able to take you in soon. The room will be off limits until the Fire Marshall can come through and confirm no structural damage to the walls or ceiling. We’ll seal it.”
Noah’s eyes fixed on you, wondering how, despite the gray cast on your skin and obvious sweat sheen on your forehead, you could manage to be so cute. You weren’t petite, per se, but you were small. Smaller than what he’d expected in a fire fighter. You stood with your shoulders square and tall, all business. The frayed, frizzy hair on your head was pulled back in a low ponytail.
“Have you both been checked out by EMS?” You pointed to both Noah and Jolly, and the two of them nodded in response. “Good. You want to take a look?”
Jolly clapped a hand to Noah’s shoulder, and hopped off of the truck. Following suit, Noah paced slowly behind both yourself and his brother, the guilt creeping in.
He had set his house on fire…
His home. His sanctuary. His haven. He lit it on fucking fire.
This was some kind of cosmic metaphor for his luck, right? That’s how his entire day had been…a dumpster fire.
Following you into the house, and trekking up the stairs, the guys stopped at the doorway to Noah’s room. Two additional firemen were poking around, checking for any embers.
First thing Noah noticed was that his bed was gone. Not burnt…gone. Reduced to ash on what used to be the carpet beneath it. The raw wood flooring was below, blackened. His nightstand was charred pretty badly, but one side of it was still the red oak color it was previously. His computer desk seemed virtually untouched, and he breathed relief from his lungs.
“Whose room is it?” You looked between the two boys, and Jolly looked at Noah from the side of his eyes. With a heavy sigh, Noah raised his hand begrudgingly. “Okay. If you need anything out of here, now is the time. We’ve taped off the areas you cannot walk in at all, so don’t step over the tape. Other than that, go ahead and grab your stuff.”
Noah nodded, taking a careful step into the room, the floor creaking with his weight. He clenched his jaw, and walked over to his laptop, pulling it from the desk and unplugging the charger. He gathered several other things he assumed he’d need for the next day or so, and stepped back out.
“The Marshall will be able to come by in the morning to inspect. After that, you can begin getting the repairs done.”
“Thank you.” He spoke to you directly, but didn’t look at you. Jolly had retreated to his own room, shutting the door behind him.
“Hey?” He looked up at you, eyes saddened. “You going to be okay?”
He nodded, moving past you down the hall. You followed him. “Yeah. Just kind of jarring. I’ve never had a fire before.”
You both padded down the stairs. “I get that.”
His shoulders bounced as he walked, and even three to four steps ahead, he was taller than you. You took note in your head of how large he was, and it made you smirk.
“You sure you're going to be alright?”
He didn’t answer verbally, rather just shrugged his shoulders and dropped his items on the couch. You began making your way toward the door, but turned around to look at him.
“Just out of curiosity,” His eyes flashed to look at yours, and you couldn’t help but notice that, like the rest of him, they were so big. “What started the fire? We couldn’t find the ignition source. We just knew it started on the bed.”
He scratched the back of his head, his lips turning up in a nervous smile.
“A candle.”
You raised your eyebrows. “A candle? On the bed?”
He shook his head. “No, it was on the nightstand. I dropped my blanket over it on accident, I think.”
Teeth biting into your lower lip, you suppressed the laugh that was bubbling in your chest. What an interesting way to start a fire? You had heard a lot of candle-related incidents, but this was a first.
"Well, probably best to not have candles in the room anymore?"
His eyes widened, and he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Never burning another candle again, actually."
You couldn't help it, the giggle escaped without being able to catch it. "Alright, well be careful in that room, okay?"
He acknowledged you silently, and you wanted to turn to leave, but you were distracted by the walls, decorated with framed vinyl, guitars, and magazine covers blown up to poster-size. You noticed in some of the photographs, him and the other man were posed with two other guys.
You pointed a finger to the poster directly in front of you. "You in a band or something?"
He smirked, leaning back on his heels. "Something like that?"
Nodding, you heard Ramos, your Captain, calling for you from outside.
"Well, what's it called? I'll listen to it."
"Bad Omens."
Turning your body toward the door, you probed a little further. "Right on. Rock, I assume?"
He nodded. "Metal."
Your teeth flashed, and you saw his eyes light up just a little. "Nice." Your name was called from outside again. "I didn't catch your name?"
You held your hand out for him to shake, and he took it gracefully.
"Noah."
His hand gave yours a firm shake. "Y/N. Nice to meet you, Noah."
With that, you began heading for the door.
"Uh," His voice chimed behind you, and you turned your neck back to him. "Could I, maybe, get your number?"
Your chest warmed, and the grin that spread across your face threatened to break your jaw bone. You thought about it for a moment, pulling your brows together. That was a bit forward, so you responded as appropriately as you could.
"125." And you began walking away.
"Wait, what?"
Still walking through the door, you turned around, and waved. "You'll figure it out."
It took three days. Three long, annoying days for him to figure it out.
But he did.
You were sat in the dorm, shaking off the two hours of sleep you had achieved before the alarm woke you up. It wasn't your turn to head out, but there was no sleeping through that noise. The last twenty-six hours had been grueling, and you couldn't wait to get through the next ten, and go home for your two days off.
You stalked into the kitchen, waiving at Gillman and Reed in the training room. The coffee was heavenly, warming your insides enough to fully wake.
"Y/L/N?" Your head cocked to the bay door, Ramos standing on the other side. You had your hips leaned against the counter, and you were too tired to stand at full attention. "There's someone here asking for you."
Cocking an eyebrow, you huffed away from the countertop, setting your coffee down, and walked to the door. Who the hell was going to come see you at work?
You pushed the heavy door open, and behind it, stood right next to engine #14, was a tall, brown-eyed boy, smiling at you. It had been such a long few days, you had honestly forgotten about your encounter with him back at his house. After you finished up the paperwork, it had been jammed into the back of your head.
"Hey?" You asked, crossing your arms in front of you. "I see you figured it out?"
He nodded, pursing his lips. "Station 125. Yep, took me a while."
Shaking your head, you laughed. "Well, what can I do for you?"
In his hand, he held a small brown paper bag, and presented it in front of him. "For you."
"What's this?"
Smirking, he handed you the gift. "Just a token of my gratitude."
Unfolding the top, you scoffed when you saw what was inside.
"A candle?"
He snorted. "Not just any candle." He took it from your hands, showing the label. "This is a WoodWick Sagewood scented candle." He placed it back in your hands. "It's exactly the same as the one that burned my bedroom down."
You laughed at this, gawking at the glass in your hand. "And why did you want me to have one?"
Suddenly, he looked unsure. "I had a really cool, witty reason, when I picked it up at the store. I can't seem to remember now, though." He scrubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "To be honest, it's my favorite scented candle."
You nodded, recognizing the sweet gesture. "Thank you."
It fell quiet between you both, and you put the candle back in the bag.
"So." You set the bag down on the step of the engine, and recrossed your arms.
"So." He repeated. His eyes darted around the bay, taking all of it in. "You're a fire fighter, huh?"
This made you outright cackle. "Yeah? What gave me away?"
He sighed out a defeated chuckle. "Yeah, that was a dumb question."
"Why did you come here, Noah? Just to give me a candle?"
He shook his head, hands buried in his pockets once again. "No, I uh," He took a deep breath and looked at you. "I came to ask you on a date."
Your eyebrows shot up. "A date?"
"Mhm." Noah chewed on the inside of his cheek.
"Noah, you know nothing about me."
He leaned forward for emphasis. "Right, usually what people do on dates - " He put a hand up to gesture between you. "get to know each other."
Well, hard to argue that.
"I mean, you don't know if I'm married or have a boyfriend."
"Do you?" He didn't seem bothered by your statement, his question sounding more like a formality.
"Well, no."
"You're allowed to say no." He smiled, then. It was genuine, and it made one of your own creep onto your face.
"I wasn't going to."
6 Months Later
"Noah, it's not that big of a deal." You trudged through the airport toward the Delta desk, and stood behind at least twelve people, your phone pressed firmly to your cheek.
"It's a huge deal, babe!" He sounded so exasperated. "I haven't seen you in two weeks, and I miss you!"
You giggled, leaning your head back. "I miss you too, honey, but shit happens. I'll catch the next available flight, and I'll be there before you know it."
"Think they'll have another one today?" You glanced around the airport, seeing the groups of displaced, disgruntled passengers.
"With this storm? It's doubtful. I overheard one of the workers saying winds were as strong as one hundred miles per hour."
"Okay, but once you're up at altitude, none of that matters."
You rolled you eyes. "Can't get up to altitude if the plane blows out of the sky, babe."
"I know, I know. I'm just pissed off."
The line was crawling, but you were slowly getting closer to the desk.
"It's alright. I'll make something happen, okay? As soon as I have news, I'll call you?"
"Okay, babe. I love you."
Your face blushed. You still weren't used to that. "Love you too."
You disconnected the call and took a deep breath.
The woman working for Delta Airlines looked as stressed as a person could be without physically combusting.
"Hello, are you here about the cancelled flight?" You just nodded, showing your boarding pass on your phone. "Okay. Well, all of our flights have been cancelled until further notice. We have no way of knowing when the storm will die down, so right now, we're not rescheduling any flights. We're only offering a credit."
You squeezed your eyes shut, trying not to get too upset. "Do you know if any other airlines are still booking flights?"
She shook her head. "We've all been grounded until the wind dies down."
Shrugging hard, you gave her your information so she could put in for the credit, and walked away from the desk. You decided not to call Noah back right away, needing to deal with the irritation and disappointment yourself first.
You called an Uber outside the airport, and made your way the short distance back to the apartment. After you had huffed your bag down onto the couch, you sat on the edge of your bed, allowing yourself a moment to sulk.
The last six months had been a dream. After your first date with Noah, which included a dinner at a beachside restaurant in Santa Monica and arcade games at the pier, you and him were absolutely intertwined together. The clicking noise you made was loud and strong, keeping you both in a stranglehold over each other.
As different of people as you were, you learned that Noah was not nearly as different from you as you had assumed. He grew up in West Virginia, a rough life, dropped out of high school, joined a band young, and ended up a successful rockstar after twelve years of hard, rigorous work.
Your life had been quite the opposite. You had lived in Los Angeles your entire life, namely Orange County. You lived with both parents, who were mostly well-off with high powered careers. They wanted a lot for you, growing up. Education. Career. Family. Marriage.
You wanted none of it. You wanted to be free. You wanted to get tattoos and go to festivals in the desert. You wanted to know who you were spiritually. You wanted to paint and sketch. You wanted to find out who you were.
Somewhere along the way, in your twenties, you learned more about yourself than you ever wanted. You learned that you trusted too easy. You were easily persuaded and pressured. You weren't prepared for the life you thought you wanted.
So, like a lot of young, naive women do in the city of angels, you got run down, stepped on, and burned out. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, that's what it was all about right?
It wasn't until your last relationship ended - badly - that you decided you were done. You wanted chaos, but the kind you could stop. The kind you could help. You found firefighting. It was a big adjustment, but you took to it well. You did the courses, you took the classes. In less than a year, you were out in the field with all the men, running into the blaze and extinguishing the flames.
It was incredible.
So, where did that leave you and Noah? You worked thirty-six hour shifts with eight hours in between until your mandatory two days off every ten days. It was grueling, but he stuck it out. He'd visit you on your overnights when it had been quiet, bringing food and promising not to get in the way. When you had your days off, he typically kidnapped you, holding you hostage in his bed for the duration.
Noah's life was busy as well, constantly touring, it felt like. Currently, he was in Philadelphia, a show later that evening. You had taken your seven vacation days and had planned to fly out to Pennsylvania, travel with him to his next two shows, and fly home with him from New York City. He had four weeks off before he had to head over to Europe, and he claimed to spend as much of that time with you as humanly possible.
Imagine how much of a kink this storm put in his plans.
The phone rang on the other end while you waited for him to pick up. You laid flat on your back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"Hey! I go on stage in ten minutes. Did you rebook the flight?"
You sighed hard. "No."
"No? Why not?"
"Noah, all of the flights are grounded because of the storm. They don't know when they'll be back up, so they wouldn't rebook me."
You could hear the agitation leaking out of his voice. "God damn it!"
"Don't get too worked up before the show. I'll be out there as soon as I can, okay?"
"Has there been any news of how long this shit's supposed to go on for?"
You threw an arm over your eyes. "The weather report I read says it could last through Monday."
"Monday?! We're supposed to be on our way home by then!"
Pinching the bridge of your nose, you kept your voice even. "Noah, please don't yell at me."
"Doesn't this bother you?" He was frustrated, and you knew that it wasn't your fault. You knew that he knew that, but it didn't help the feeling that he was angry with you for something completely out of your control.
"Of course it does, babe, but there's nothing I can do." You sat up, crossing your legs in front of you.
He scoffed on the other end. "Yeah, alright, whatever."
You rolled your eyes. "Baby," He didn't say anything. "I get you're mad, but please don't take it out on me?"
"I got to go."
Your heart sunk a little, a stinging in your eyes emerging. "Okay. Have a great show okay?" Again, he didn't respond. "I love you, Noah."
"Yep. Bye." And the line went dead.
The night had drug on. You waited as patiently as you could for the concert to end, and to give Noah enough time to relax before you tried reaching out. After three hours, you decided enough time had passed, and you dialed him.
But he didn’t answer.
Instead of blowing up his phone like your internal anxiety was trying to convince you to, rather, you decided to send him a simple text.
You: Hey, I know you’re upset, baby. I’m sorry this didn’t work out the way we wanted, but just know that I love you, and I will see you as soon as I possibly can. Call me when you get a chance. ❤️
You dropped your phone on the bed and sighed loudly, walking over to the couch to begin unpacking your bag.
By the end of the night, you hadn’t had a single text or call from Noah, so you had tried to accept that he just wasn’t going to reach out anymore tonight. You’d try again tomorrow. You loved Noah, more than you could’ve ever expected, but the speed at which he threw a tantrum like a child was a turn off, and you were combatting the urge to cringe at the thought.
You had only been together six months. You had no baggage together. You lived apart. You had no pets or plants together. You didn’t have any financial ties. If things didn’t work out, it was as simple as goodbye.
And as much as you loved Noah, you couldn’t help but feel the tug inside, reminding you that this wasn’t the first fit Noah had thrown over not getting his way.
He wanted to take you out for your birthday six weeks ago. You didn’t know where, it was a surprise. But you ended up called in to work, and it was an all hands on deck. Forest fire. They were everywhere lately, and when you were called, it was non-negotiable.
Noah hadn’t taken that too well. He begged you not to go, asked you to fake sick or pretend to be out of town. That was not happening. You had a job - an important job. It wasn’t as if you didn’t go in, the work would be there tomorrow. This wasn’t cancelling a concert. There were lives on the line.
He didn’t comprehend that in the moment, and stormed out of your apartment. He didn’t call you until the following day, after you had been out for sixteen hours and had finally fallen into your pillows to sleep for five hours before going back out. He was apologizing frantically, and begging you to forgive him.
And truly? You were too tired not to. You let him come over and snuggle you a while before you had to leave again.
Then there was the time you were too sick to come over. That was earlier on in the relationship, so his reaction was slightly less dramatic, but it was still frustrating nonetheless.
You had been fevering and vomiting the entire day. It was one of your off-days, and he wanted to you to go to his place to watch movies and whatever else came with that. In the state you were in, it was entirely out of the question. Besides the fact that you were likely contagious, you were disgusting. Your hair was greasy from sweat, your skin was a sickening pale, and you spent 80% of the day hugging the toilet and emptying your stomach violently.
Rather than throwing an all out fit, he just resorted to texting you here and there to check in, but kept his messages cold. He showed up the following day with supplies, mask on, and claimed he really didn’t care if he got sick or not.
You overlooked it.
There were small things that happened here and there, but it never was enough to stick out in your mind.
But tonight, this just felt off-putting. More so than before.
You tossed and turned on the mattress, your heart begging for your phone to chime, proving your assumptions were wrong…but it never did.
As your mind drifted closer to sleep, the memories began rolling into your brain.
“Noah, I don’t understand why you can’t just tell me where we’re going!”
His lips were plucked up into a playful smirk. “Wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you!”
He guided your hand, trailing you behind him, and trekking through the trees around you.
“Are you bringing me out here to murder me?”
He turned, stopping, look of absolute horror on his face. “Who told you?!”
You lowered your lids and shifted your weight one one leg, rolling your eyes. He giggled in response.
“Babe, just trust me, okay?”
You continued to follow him deeper into the forest, losing your way from the path further and further.
“We’re lost, aren’t we?”
Before you could get a response, you hit a break in the treeline, and a large clearing laid out before you. It was beautiful and picturesque, looking to span about a square quarter mile. So out of place among the expanse of greenery, you gazed around, taking it in.
“Oh wow.” The air in the clearing was sweeter than the woods, and you could see white butterflies catching the light pooling on the grass.
“Come on.” He was still pulling you toward the far side of the clearing.
At the edge, he stopped abrupt, and gestured with a hand toward some large stones near the trees. Taking a step closer, you could see more clearly that the moss-covered fixtures weren’t any stones.
They were headstones.
Stepping forward carefully, you pulled a large arm of vines off of one that was cross-shaped, revealing the crumbling rock, engraving nearly illegible. You took a step back, and noticed rows and rows of them along the trees. They blended in naturally, overtaken by the Earth.
“Noah,” You turned to look at him. “whose graves are these?”
He shrugged his shoulders, walking up to one that was broken in half.
“I found this clearing about a year ago while hiking. There’s twenty-two graves here. Most of the etchings are illegible or worn off now, but the couple I found date back to the early 1900s.” He approached one in particular, smaller than the ones around it.
Squatting down, he brushed the moss off of the plaque and read it aloud.
“Emily Wheatley. Born 1913. Died 1918.”
The thought made your heart hurt. “She was five…”
Your voice was somber.
“Yeah, from what I gather, these are all people who died during the Spanish Flu pandemic.” He patted the tiny stone with care, and stood back up. “Back in that time, so many people were dying so fast, a lot of folks just ended up buried on their own properties or in their communities. Maybe that’s what happened here?”
You nodded, bending down to another grave, running your hand over the decaying concrete. “These tombstones look handmade.”
He nodded. “I bet they were.”
Your fingers touched the cracks of the stones, feeling the lives that were laid to rest here. Such a beautiful place to spend eternity.
“These are incredible, Noah.”
Looking up at him, he smiled down at you. “I’d hoped you’d like it.”
Your eyes danced from each grave. “Like it? It’s so serene. So stunning. I could stay here for hours. I love it.”
“I love you.”
If you had been any more entranced with your surroundings, you would’ve missed it. It was so quiet and uncertain.
Your eyes peered up to Noah, who looked wrecked with nerves.
“What?” You stood, looking directly at him.
“I love you, Y/N.”
Your bottom lip twitched, a heavy tingling sensation covering your face.
“I love you too.”
His eyes lit up, but he didn’t smile yet.
“Really?”
All you had to do was kiss him. That’s all you could manage, overwhelmed with emotion. His lips pressed against yours, hands wrapping around you and lifting your feet off the ground.
His admission was so raw, in this beautiful, wonderful place of death and rest. You had never felt more sure about anything other than the fact that you loved Noah, and you would never stop.
The ringtone sounded like a shrill scream, waking you from the memory that was laid softly in your brain, buzzing you in your sleep and helping you forget your worries or concerns.
For a split second, your heart leapt, thinking only one person could be calling you at whatever hour this is, right? The clock on your nightstand told you it was four-thirty in the morning.
Your hand scrambled to your bedside table to answer the call, failing to even check the screen for who was calling. You were so sure of who it was…
“Hello?”
“Y/L/N?” Ramos’ gruff voice rang through the receiver. You flopped your body back onto the bed, internally groaning.
“Yes sir?”
“Did you make it out of town before the flights were grounded?”
You scrubbed a hand over your eyes. “No, sir. I was going to try and get another today.”
“No dice, unfortunately. The storm’s gotten worse.”
This time, your displeasure came out audibly. “Lovely.”
“Sorry about that, kid. But, listen, we have an all hands situation.”
You sat up now, already swinging your legs off of the mattress.
“Yeah? Where?”
“The Cajon Pass. LA Fire’s called in hands in six additional counties. They’ve so far had over a hundred acres burnt and the wind is causing a rapid spread.”
You stood in front of the bathroom mirror, and put your phone down on the counter, now on speaker.
“Any aerial attempts yet?”
“Mhm. They’ve dropped 4,000 gallons so far.”
Sucking your teeth, you let your head fall back. “Damn.” You began running a brush through your hair. “Alright, when do we head out?”
“Thirty minutes.”
You picked up your phone, staring at the screen. “I’ll be there.”
You ended the call, and quickly swiped to your home screen.
No missed calls. No missed texts.
Despite the volume of people riding in the engine, the air was silent. It always was when you headed to the site of a wildfire. No matter how much you thought you knew about it, it was always worse than you were expecting, so you never found any lightheartedness in the atmosphere.
You sat next to Ramos as he tightened the boots on his feet. Your back was leaned heavy against the side of the rig, the bench bouncing beneath you as you headed toward the approaching disaster.
Your mind should’ve been running through the brief again, or reciting your safety protocols. But you were too focused elsewhere.
You couldn’t stop thinking about Noah.
Fingers hooked onto the gold chain you wore around your neck, the small glass stone smooth as you twirled it back and forth. The necklace was newer to you, only haven been gifted it two months ago before Noah left on tour, but even then - you hadn’t removed it once.
It was a custom piece. The glass was hand-blown and a beautiful shade of amber. It was clouded with ash - specifically from burnt sage. Noah had told you it was a representative of the both of you, and it signified that although you had met under such unfortunate circumstances, you had managed to find something so stunning in the process - much like the stone.
While thinking of this, you felt conflicted. Emotions over your relationship with Noah were so back and forth, frustrating you.
The look on your face must have been telling, because a hand dropped on your knee, and you looked up to Ramos.
“You alright there, kid?”
Nodding, you gave him a half-smile. “Yeah. Just a lot on my mind.”
“Bummed about having to change your plans?”
Shrugging your shoulders, you ran your palms over the tops of your thighs.
“Yeah.”
“That’s not too convincing. Weren’t you going to see Noah back East?”
“Right.”
He leaned back, turning his head to look directly at you. “Was he upset?”
Lifting your eyebrows, you breathed heavily. “Oh, yeah.”
“Well, hopefully once this fucking wind dies down, you can head out there.”
You let your eyes fall to the window on the opposing side of the engine, letting your vision unfocus.
“Or not.”
This caught him, his eyebrow raising suspiciously.
“Oh?”
Over the years, you’d come to learn that Ramos was more than just your Captain at times. He also had become one of the few people in your life that you could consider a friend. He was a staggering twelve years older than you, so he gave an older-sibling, protective type persona. It made life easier when you had a safe place to come to with your personal problems.
You sighed heavily, rubbing your temples. “I can’t say for sure if I I’ll be joining Noah.”
“Because of the transportation issues?”
Shaking your head, you fiddled with you fingers in your lap. “Not just that. He hasn’t even texted me back since last night.”
He grunted. “Why? Was he mad at you?”
“I don’t know if he was mad at me, but I know he felt like I didn’t care that our plans were cancelled. Which is ridiculous, you know that.” You looked up at him, and he nodded in return.
“Right.” He gave a short response so he could leave space for you to continue.
“So I don’t fucking get why he catches such a fucking attitude with me!” You slapped a hand down on your leg in irritation. “Like, who does he think he is? I didn’t cause the God damn storm! I didn’t force the planes down on the ground! I wanted to see him just as badly! I’m just an adult who understands that throwing a tantrum gets us nowhere, so fuck me, right?”
Letting out a hard breath you had been holding, you let the words vibrate off of you, lifting a weight off of your spine you didn’t notice before.
He chuckled low, staring down at you. “How’d that feel?”
You had your eyes closed, enjoying the lighter feeling. “Good. I had been holding it in.”
“As usual.” He bumped your shoulder, making you look up at him. “Give him a little time, Y/N. He’ll come around. He always does.”
You shrugged. “I know he does. But how many times is he going to do this? It’s stupid, and it makes me anxious for literally no reason every time. Sure, he says he’s sorry after, but that’s doesn’t erase the feeling.”
Considering this, Ramos nodded his head. “That’s valid. You know better than I do that maturity doesn’t exactly come naturally to us men. He’s, what, twenty-nine?”
“Twenty-eight.”
“Right, so he’s practically a teenager, still. I’m not saying that excuses his behavior. Not at all. But I’m just saying, I was very similar at that age. I get it.”
You shrugged. “How long did it take you to quit acting like a child?”
He laughed again. “Ask my wife, and she’ll tell you I never did.”
You smirked, your hand finding your necklace again, twirling it around in your fingers. His words permeated you.
Maybe he was right. Maybe you just needed to give Noah some time to navigate his own emotions. At some point, preferably soon, you’d need to talk to him so you both could work out the behavior. Maybe there was something you were doing that could be improved as well as him?
Maybe the consideration of ending things was a bit premature.
Pulling out your phone, you checked and saw your messages had still been unread. Shaking off the sinking feeling, you typed out a quick message.
You: Hey babe. I got called out to a wildfire in the Cajon Pass. Flights are still grounded. I’m so sorry this didn’t go the way we wanted, but when I get home, I need to hear your voice. I know you’re upset, but I really think we should talk. I’ll call you as soon as I’m headed home. I love you, Noah. I hope you had a great show, and slept well. Talk to you soon.
Noah stared out of the window, rain pelting the glass, creating designs in the cityscape below.
“You going sit there and brood, or are you going to come eat?" Folio's voice bounced off of the glass he stared into. He wanted nothing more than to tell him to fuck right off and not bother responding, but he knew that wasn't going to get him anywhere he wanted to be.
With a huff, he stood up out of the chair, and stalked over to the table the rest of the guys sat at. Nick was shoveling bacon into his mouth while Jolly sipped coffee from his mug. Folio was finishing off the last of his pancakes with urgent bites.
Noah stared down at his breakfast, grimacing at the plate. He wasn't hungry, but if he didn't eat now, he couldn't even guess when he would be willing to try again. Reluctantly, he picked up his fork and dug into the scrambled eggs.
"Dude, if you're so bent out of shape over it, why don't you just call her?" Jolly set his cup down and leaned back in his chair.
"If she wanted to talk, she would've called. She's probably pissed at me." Noah rolled the bland food around in his mouth, setting his fork down and groaning. "She should be. I was such a dick."
"Or," Nick spoke up from across the table, looking up at Noah with deep seated, irritated eyes. "she's waiting for your tantrum to be over, and for you to call her. You are the one who hung up on her, remember?" His best friend was the least patient with Noah's temper.
"Alright, I get it, okay? I already said I was a dick." Noah threw himself back in the chair, snarling back at Nick.
Nick, however, wasn't having it. Instead, he set his cup down and crossed his arms over his chest. "Do you get it? Or are you just saying that until the next time you act like a baby?"
The words came off Noah's lips like venom. "The fuck did you just say to me?"
"Let's keep it calm, guys." Jolly's Dad voice started emerging. Folio eye's flashed between his two brothers anxiously.
"You fucking heard me, dude. I'm so sick of your mood swings every time you decide to be an ass to her. That girl isn't going to put up with you forever, you know that?" Nick was nonchalant in his tone, but his words were just as sharp as his counterpart's.
Noah stood, catching the edge of his plate and making a sharp clattering on the table.
"Fuck you, dude!" He tossed a stray apple from the fruit bowl in the center of the table at Nick. "You don't know shit!"
Nick caught the apple, standing nearly in sync with Noah.
"No? I haven't known you longer than everyone else here? I haven't watched you drive away girl after girl after girl?" He gestured with his hands in a circular motion.
Noah scoffed. "What difference does it make to you? It's not your relationship." His hands were balled into fists at his sides.
Nick snorted, incredulous. "Well, for starters, every time this happens, we all have to deal with your bullshit attitude!" His eyebrows raised, and the other two men at the table looked away.
"On top of that," Nick kept speaking before Noah could rebut his argument. "this one actually fucking loves you, you jackass." These words came out just a touch softer, and Noah deflated like a punctured balloon. His shoulders fell in, signaling his instant defeat.
Nick continued. "Y/N is a rad fucking girl, man. We all like her." Jolly and Folio nodded in agreement. "We don't want you to fuck this one up. She deserves better than you throwing a fit like a toddler when you don't get your way."
That stung.
Noah didn't enjoy being this way. He never tried to hurt you. If there was one thing that came with a lack of upbringing and a tumultuous adolescence, it was a complete and total absence of understanding emotion.
He didn't know how to deal with it. Anger? Sadness? Happiness? Those were - for lack of a better term - big fucking emotions, and he never knew where to put them. Reigning them in was not something he was fluent in at all, and he hated that about himself.
Every time this happened, and he found himself lashing out or turning cold toward you, he told himself that was the last time. He wouldn't keep doing this. It wasn't fair to you that he didn't know a better way to express himself than to take it out on you. To Nick's credit, he was right. It was surprising you had stayed.
"I don't-" Noah cut himself off, biting his own tongue before another excuse rolled off of it. He instead opted for the far more bitter option. "I know."
He shrugged back down into his chair, face falling into his hands. "I can't keep doing this. I'm going to lose her if I do." His words came out muffled, but they had heard him.
"Just call her, man." Nick's voice was relaxed, now. Back to it's normal cadence.
"I'm going to." He stood again, heading for the other side of the room where his phone sat on the bedside table. He picked it up, noting still no notifications on the screen. His insides clenched.
"What do I even say?" He chewed his bottom lip.
"Tell her you forgot to take your phone off Do Not Disturb after the show." Folio said around the food in his mouth.
Noah rolled his eyes. "I don't think lying to her is the right choice, bro."
Folio just lifted his shoulders, smirking.
Swiping open the phone, it opened to his banking app, which was the last thing he had used before he fell asleep the night before. But before he could close it, against the dark background of the screen, he saw it. Upper left corner of the screen.
The tiny white moon.
"Oh fuck!"
Nick's face fell. "You fucking didn't."
"I always turn it off! I never forget!"
Jolly spoke up. "You were worked up last night..."
Noah swiped to the home screen, seeing the 2 icon on top of the message app. He also saw the signal of missed calls. His fingers ripped through his hair, and he stood up.
"At least you're not lying to her!" Folio added as Noah pressed the phone to his face, immediately calling you back.
Your phone rang, but he was eventually met with your voicemail.
"Fuck! What time is it in California?"
"Seven." Jolly responded.
"She's probably sleeping." Noah maneuvered to the messages, seeing the message from last night first, his heart sinking.
He felt like a combination of dirt and that residue that gum leaves on the bottom of your shoe.
He then saw the message from this morning, and sank down onto the end of the bed, staring blankly.
"What's wrong, dude?" Nick nodded to Noah, trying to get his attention.
"There's uh," He tried to calm his racing thoughts. "there's a fire in the Cajon Pass. She got called down to help."
"How long ago did she text you?"
Noah sighed heavily. "Two hours ago. She's probably just getting started out there."
His fingers began frantically typing a response to you.
Noah: Hey baby. I'm so fucking sorry. My phone was on DND overnight, and I'm such an idiot and didn't turn it off. I'm an idiot for more than just that. I'm sorry for how I acted. I know that wasn't okay, and I can't even begin to tell you how awful I feel. I promise I will make it up to you as soon as humanly possible. Please call me as soon as you can. Please be safe. I love you, more than you could ever know.
"How long does she usually stay out?"
Folio and Jolly stared at Noah, the sounds of all of the people moving around the room blurring together as he stared at the unread message he had sent over twelve hours prior.
"It really varies. Sometimes hours? Days? Depends on the fire."
Folio was staring down at his phone now, eyes fixed on something on the screen. His elbow tapped Jolly, handing him the device. Jolly's eyes scanned the text on the phone, and sighed hard. This all went unseen to Noah, who was just spacing out at his own text.
"Why don't you try calling again?" Folio chimed.
"I've tried to call six times." His voice was solemn.
"Have you called the station?" Noah's eyes flicked up to Nick, who was now staring down at him from where he stood directly in front of his legs.
Noah hadn't considered it, but what could it hurt?
The line rang twice before Reed answered. "Station 125. Is this an emergency?"
"It's not. I don't think. Reed, is that you?"
"Who's calling?"
Noah tried to keep his patience. "It's Noah."
"Oh." The man on the other line paused. "Hey Noah, hang on, okay?"
For a split second, he felt bad. He was calling her job. They had more important things to worry about than him and his paranoia.
This only lasted that split second, when the line picked back up.
"Noah?" The deep, raspy voice was unmistakable.
"Ramos?" Why was he talking to your boss, and not you? "Hey, is Y/N around?"
"She, uh" He cleared his throat. "she's not right now."
"Did she go home already?"
The line was silent. Eerily blank, white noise buzzing through the receiver.
"Are you in town, Noah? Can you come to the station?"
Something in Noah's stomach twisted hard, the little food he had eaten that day threatening to make a reappearance.
His words. His tone.
"I'm in New York." Was all Noah could get out without retching.
Ramos sighed. "If it's possible, I think it's best you get here soon."
"Ramos..." Noah was standing, back stiff as drywall. "Where is she?"
"Listen, I'm going to tell you this, but I need you to stay calm, alright?"
Noah didn't audibly respond, praying he would just continue.
"We don't know exactly where she is."
The ground fell out under his feet. Noah was free-falling through space and time, only the words swirling around him.
"What?" The word came out as a breath, or what was supposed to be one.
"The fire had spread to several neighborhoods. She went out with a unit lead by LA Fire. There were some collapses, and they're still trying to get everyone evacuated and located."
English was no longer Noah's first language. It was panic.
"What?!" His voice topped out, cracking hard at the end. "What do you mean?! Was she in a building when it collapsed?! Is she hurt?!"
"Noah, calm down."
"Calm down?!" Hands were on his shoulders, trying to physically restrain his arms flailing. "Why are you in Calabasas?! Why aren't you out there?!"
"Noah, I had to come back and get some food and rest. I'm headed back out in five minutes to rejoin search and rescue. We're going to find her."
The water flowing down Noah's cheeks went entirely unnoticed. He couldn't form any more words.
"Like I said before, it's best if you get here soon."
East to West Coast flights are already long. However, they tend to be much longer when you're working hard to not go into full panic attack mode.
Noah hated flying. Despite Nick being sat next to him, soothing small circles into the back of his hand every time he would begin to tremble, he was a semi-catatonic mess the entirety of the plane ride.
It wasn't until they were pulling up off of the highway, right to the barricades set up by the fire engines, did he feel himself come back to life. Ramos met them at the edge of the blockade, waving them through. He then took them on a short drive in his Jeep through the hills. What started as plush greenery, soon turned to charred, blackened, ashy mess. The sky grayed over them, the rising sun not having a prayer of breaking through the deep hue of sobering truth in front of them.
The small, hillside town hidden within the Pass was completely leveled. Buildings barely stood, crumbling horrifically around them.
"Now listen, you two will do as I say, when I say it, is that understood?" His voice was stern, all business.
Nick answered audibly, but Noah just shook his head as he watched the destroyed town around him. Civilians sat in ambulances, wrapped in blankets. Firemen in all different uniform colors roamed the streets around them. It resembled a warzone.
"How did this happen?" Noah spoke against the glass.
"We haven't determined the cause yet, but our best guess is a series of bonfires. Add the high winds?"
Noah's spine tingled at the thought.
"Now, listen, you two are here on a volunteer basis. There will be waivers to sign, and we'll get you some gear. I'm going to take you to the neighborhood where Y/N was last seen. We're looking for any and all civilians. Alive, or otherwise."
Noah's neck snapped to his left, staring at the large man next to him.
"Otherwise?" He swallowed hard. "People died?"
"Seventeen confirmed deaths so far. Eighty-six injured."
Noah's heart rate sped up to an alarming pace. "God."
A hand clapped over his shoulder. "We'll find her." Nick's voice rang in his ear.
Noah walked through the strip mall, poker in hand, and overturning debris. So far, he had found a lot of nothing. A few burnt rats, a lot of smoldering wood from building rafters. No sign of life in any of the shops he had wandered into, Nick on his heels.
"I don't think anyone's in here." His brother's voice rang behind him. He sucked his teeth.
"I don't think so either."
The radio on the heavy coat he wore began blaring, startling him.
"We've got six survivors, four are critical." The voice rattled off the location, which was less than a quarter mile from where they were currently searching. Their eyes stared at each other, before they made a dash for the exit, headed for the street toward the area where the people were found.
Noah ran toward the ambulances, a heavy hand catching him in the chest. Peering down at him was Ramos, a serious scowl crossing his face.
"Wait here." He let out a breath. "We've got her."
His breathing picked up, and he removed his respirator. "She's alive?"
"She's hanging on. EMTs said she's got full thickness burns to her legs, face, and back. She didn't have her helmet on."
His eyes caught the ambulance leaving, sirens screaming. "Where are they taking her?"
"UCI. She'll be taken to the remote area where she can be airlifted."
Noah began ripping the gear off. "I've got to go with her."
Noah didn't like airplanes. He really didn't like helicopters.
In all fairness, this had been his first time on one, but given the circumstances? He hated them. They were terrifying, but it didn't matter.
He stared at the stretcher, your body covered in heat-protecting blankets. What little of your face he could see under the bandages was charred, blistering and bleeding. It made his heart invert, his entire being hurting at the sight. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have had the audacity to hang up on you, give you attitude, and then not return your calls? It was unforgivable. He deserved for you to hate him. Leave him. Never want to see him again.
But all he could do was watch you. Listen to the heart monitor beep to remind him you were still here.
How could this have happened? You were so smart. You had taken so many courses. Why would you take off your helmet and respirator, exposing your face to the flames? Your jacket was found with you, and was one of the only ways they were able to identify you.
Aside from your hair, build, and general appearance, you were unrecognizable. Your body was mauled so badly by the flames.
The hospital staff frenzied around you, ripping your hand out of his without question, and whisked you to the ICU. He was told he had to wait, and if that wasn't the most devastating thing he had heard...
Nick, Ramos, and Reed all joined him at the hospital an hour later, as quickly as they could. They received updates every few hours. You had stabilized quickly, and they were keeping you under observation, treating the smoke inhalation and infection risk before moving you to the burn unit.
Jolly and Folio showed up six hours later, having caught a later flight than Noah and Nick. All of the men sat, deathly silent, until a nurse called Noah's name.
He walked over to her too quickly, but she was unbothered.
"Mr. Sebastian," She held a clipboard in her small hands. "Y/N will be moved to the burn unit as soon as a room becomes available."
"When can I see her?" His words were shaky, his hands knotting in the hair on top of his head.
"The doctor has advised she can have up to two visitors." Her eyes glanced back at the group sat behind Noah. "You have to change into sterile clothing that we can provide. The risk of infection is extreme."
Noah nodded. He looked back at Ramos, who was now standing behind him. "Okay, we'll go in."
She smiled sweetly. "Follow me."
The nurse led Noah and Ramos to a small locker room, sealed packages of lime green scrubs laid on the bench.
"Once you're done, come to the nurse's station."
Noah changed as quickly as possible, sitting on the bench while he waited for the other man to finish. He was annoyed at how long it was taking, but he used this moment to take a deep breath, leaning his head against the lockers behind him.
"It's good that you came, man." The voice that came out was so tired. It sounded the same way Noah felt.
"Of course I did. How could I not?"
Ramos chuckled at Noah's humorless tone. "I just mean, I know it'll mean a lot to her, that's all."
"I love her." His words weren't spoken to convince or persuade. They were just fact. They hung in the air on an invisible thread.
Ramos stood, staring at him, a blank expression on his face. "She loves you too. Don't forget that."
With that, they both made their way back to the nurse. Gloved and masks on, they were allowed behind the large glass door. A heavy white blanket pulled up over you to your shoulders. Bandages now covered the entirety of your face, small amount of hair sticking out in random places. Your body was propped up slightly on the side, likely due to the burns covering your back. Small spots of blood were etched into the pillow and sheets beneath you. Your eyes were closed, and a large tube was jutting from your lips.
Both men had been instructed not to touch you. Noah felt the physical ache in his fingers to not reach out and touch what little unmarred skin was left, signaling somehow that he was there. He was never leaving.
Ramos took a heavy seat in the chair next to your bed, staring down at you, disbelief painting his features.
"I've been at this job for twenty-one years, Noah."
The deep brown eyes flashed over to him, now wet with tears.
"I'll tell you, this never gets easier."
Noah tears fell freely, his hand bracing on the rail on the side of the bed.
Hours passed, Noah and Ramos unmoving except for when the nurse came in to check your vitals. He had been told you would not be allowed visitors in the burn unit, so he was getting as much time as he could with you.
He was, however, worn down.
After a while, Ramos stood, stretching his arms over his head. "Noah?"
He tore his eyes off of you, staring up at your friend. "Take a minute. You look like you're about ready to fall over."
Shaking his head, Noah breathed for the first time in what felt like days. "I'm fine."
"At least see if they've got a pillow. You can recline this chair and try to relax."
His stare challenged Ramos, but was met with an even more intimidating glare.
"I'm not asking."
After a moment, and an unwavering stare, Noah finally receded, backing slowly from the room. Once the door slid shut behind him, he let his shoulders sink, ripping the gloves from his sweaty palms, chucking them in the bin.
He stepped over to the nurse's desk, smiling as genuinely as he could.
"You wouldn't by chance have a pillow?"
Her grin was warm, her small frame standing. "Of course, honey. Give me a second."
She disappeared from her chair, pacing to a small room next to the desk.
Noah's eyes wandered as he waited, his teeth ripping at the dried skin on his bottom lip. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a shiny plastic on the desk under the counter. His tall stance leaned over, hand reaching down to run his fingers over the smooth bag. It was clear, and he could see the shredded remains of a navy blue t-shirt, yellow pants, and...
A stone?
His palm gripped the bag, lifting it over the counter and up closer to his face. Inside the sealed plastic, he could see it shining back at him, small amount of soot coating it.
Your necklace.
The nurse returned, two pillows and a folded blanket under her arm, pulling him from his focus.
"Hey, uh," He set the bag down on the counter. "these are her belongings. Can I open this?" He pressed a finger into the bag.
She adjusted the glasses on her face, and pulled the bag away from him, looking down at the label. Her lips puckered, eyes reading the words.
"I'm sorry, honey. This is someone else's."
Noah's brain blanked out.
"No. No, this is her stuff. That's her necklace."
She shook her head. "No, dear. This came in with someone else."
His hand slammed down on the counter with a sharp thud, making the nurse visibly jump.
"No, no! This is hers. I gave her that necklace!"
Her eyes deadpanned at him.
"Sweetheart, I think you're confused. This came in hours before she did, with another person."
Noah's eyes stared deep at her, working to make sense of her words.
"What do you mean? Who had her necklace?"
She sighed hard. "I can't tell you anything about other patients."
His voice snapped. "No one else could have that necklace! It was made for her!"
"Mr. Sebastian, I need you to calm down."
"Who had the necklace, damn it! Those are her clothes! That's her stuff!"
The nurse squeezed her eyes for a moment. "You're certain?"
"Where is the person who came in with these?!" His hand snatched the bag from her hand.
"No, you have to be mistaken, Mr. Sebastian. You identified her."
He stopped, heart seizing.
"Where are they?"
"You identified her, right?"
"Where are they?!"
His fingers squeezed the bag until his fingers nearly ripped into it. The nurse, fully stunned, spoke quietly.
"Mr. Sebastian, your girlfriend is in that room. These can't be hers, because these bags," She patted the stack of plastic on the desk. "are on their way to the morgue."
His chest imploded, his knees shaking.
"That's not..." His brain sparked and sizzled at her words.
"That's not hers." The nurse repeated back to him, but he couldn't hear.
He dropped the plastic, and his body turned. His fingers plucked the mask up over his mouth, his eyes wide as saucers as he slid the door open. He could hear the footsteps behind him.
"Ramos?"
A deadly calm fell over Noah, his head quirking to the side.
The man's head picked up from where he was staring down at the bed. "What's going on?"
The nurse behind Noah looked panicked.
"How did you identify her?" Her voice was shaky.
"Her, uh" Ramos stood, his words uncertain. "her coat. Her name is on it."
"And?" Noah was monotone.
"Well," Ramos looked down at the bed, gesturing to it. "look at her."
"Does she have any identifying marks? Scars? Birthmarks? Tattoos?"
"What is going on?" Ramos' voice raised an octave.
"She has a tattoo."
They both turned their heads to look at Noah.
"It's on the back of her right bicep. It's new. We got them together six weeks ago." He felt a tear sliding down his face, absorbing in his mask. "It's a headstone."
The nurse just nodded, padding to the bed, and reaching a gloved hand to pull the blanket down, exposing some of the only untouched skin. Back of the right bicep.
And there it was. Clear as day.
Nothing.
It was instantaneous. No one could have prevented it. Nothing could have stopped it.
Noah collapsed.
One Year Later
Fingertips ran over the stone, smooth and unharmed. Gold chain holding it together. Only one single micro fracture in the glass. It was perfect. It always would be.
His fingers twirled it, knees bouncing up and down, eyes closed and lips moving silently.
'I love you, more than you could ever know.'
"Noah?"
His eyes opened, catching Nick's easy smile looking back at him.
"Ready?" His bass hung comfortably over his chest, ski mask in hand.
Noah's lips lifted, returning his grin.
"Yeah, let's go."
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