#TheLoneWolf48 writes

[thelonewolf48]

Listen... I wrote this right after season 1 ended. I was so sad for not finding any posts in here about the series and I saved this piece for when I felt like posting it.And, finally, Tumblr is catching up!! And I feel like I must give you all this!

All grammar and punctuation errors are mine! Hope you like it!

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Mariana doesn't remember how she got to the hospital. Her brain didn't register beyond Ceci's words.

“They took mom to the hospital.”

She feels the phone slip from her hand, doesn't heart it hit the floor. Pablo approaches her, and everything becomes a blur. Flashes of reality are the only thing that moves Mariana. She grabs her purse, takes a cab, and tells the driver the hospital's name. Arrives at the reception and almost shouts 'Ana Servín' to the nurse.

Everything stops when the nurse asks her, 'are you a relative?'

A yes is ready in Mariana’s lips. But in this circumstance, is she a relative?

A friend?

After living for months at Ana's house. Caring for each other, the babies, and their families. After assuring Ana that neither the babies nor the children would be alone. That Mariana would be attentive and would take care of them as if they were her own.

After everything, they've been through. What were they?

Of course, love is there.

Mariana loves everything about Ana. From her controlling temperament to her obsession with appearances. It’s inevitable not to love someone like Ana. A successful and beautiful woman. Ready to give her everything for her family and job. Ana seems cold and snob, but once you get close and gain her trust, she gives her heart without second guesses.

In the end, Mariana suppresses the desire to say yes, we are family. The thought of lying crosses her mind. She could even say Ana was her mother. But that's not fair to Ana. Much less to her family. It's still not fair to anyone.

Once in the waiting room, she calls Ceci. Knowing how scared the girl must feel while trying to assure Ro that everything would be fine. Ceci's cries break Mariana's heart.

"Ceci. Ceci, I need you to calm down." Mariana wants to sound kind, but she also needs her calm. "Have you talked to your dad yet?"

“No,” Ceci’s voice cracks, “I thought of you when they were taking her away an-and…”

"I understand, Ceci." Mariana chokes back a sob, "but now I need you to be brave. For Ro, Regina, and Valentina. Alright?"

Ceci answers with a sound of affirmation, which sounds more like a sob.

"Call your dad. Tell him what happened and tell him I'm waiting for him here. They only allow her relatives in."

“But, you’re part of the family too.”

The sentence warms Mariana’s heart.

"I know. But our situation is hard to explain." Mariana wants to hug Ceci. "Talk to your dad. I'll wait here, and if anything happens, I'll call you. Don't worry. Your mom will be fine. Do you think Ana Servín is going to let them keep her in this place?”

The little giggle Ceci gives her soothes Mariana's anxiety a little. Yet, the worry won't pass until she sees and makes sure that Ana is okay. Until she talks to the doctor who treats her.

Juan Carlos arrives about an hour later, and Mariana doesn't know what to feel or say. He approaches her with fast and long steps. Mariana repeats what the nurses told her after she made a fuss at the front desk.

'Mrs. Servín is stable and out of danger.’

As Ana’s husband the nurses attend him immediately.

With a glance, he apologizes to Mariana before following a nurse.

While he is with Ana, Mariana ruins her nails with her teeth. She tries to distract herself. Calls Pablo and asks him to take Valentina to Ana's house. Asks him to stay with the children for a day. He replies that he already has Regina's bag ready and texted Elena about the incident. Sometimes Mariana forgets that Pablo is reliable.

Wonders if she should call Tere too.

Would that be inappropriate? She decides to send her a text. After all, Altagracia is with the kids, and Pablo would be there too. Her message is short and direct. Only to inform her mother that Regina and Pablo will be at Ana's house. That she and Juan Carlos are in the hospital because Ana had a little accident.

“She’s still asleep.” Juan Carlos sighs as he plops down next to Mariana. “The doctor said it was most likely stress. He asked me if she had been eating and sleeping well.” He rubs both hands over his face. “It's my fault.”

Mariana places her hand on Juan Carlos' shoulder as a sign of support and understanding. He gives her a sad smile.

“I’ll ask the nurse to let you in.” He holds her hand. “thank you for being here.”

He walks a few steps before turning around.

"She loves you, Mariana. She's just hurt." Mariana bites her lower lip. "If she didn't love you, she wouldn't have reacted the way she did." She tries to understand the meaning behind his words. He shoves his hands on his pants pockets.

"She needs you more than she could ever need me," he adds without looking up from the floor.

 Seeing Ana in the hospital bed feels familiar and strange at the same time.

Familiar because that's how they met. In a small hospital. Ana looking as elegant and powerful as always. And if not because her round stomach, Mariana wouldn't have known Ana was about to have a baby too.

Strange because, now, Ana looks older than she is. She looks as if she had aged ten years in few days. Dark circles under her eyes and pale skin. Her short hair unkempt.

That was the consequence of the lies three people in Ana's life kept from her.

‘It’s my fault.’ Juan Carlos words repeated in her head.

It was all their fault.

Taking Ana’s hand, Mariana leans and kisses the corner of Ana’s lips.

 Ana feels worse than she did when she accompanied Mariana to Elena’s gig. The day when her life started to go to hell.

That must be where she is now. Hell. Her punishment was to make her feel like this. It's a reasonable punishment, she thinks. Not only did she sleep with her ex-boyfriend, but she also had feelings. Feelings. For a woman much, much younger than herself.

For God’s sake!

The voice of her mother, berating her for all her mistakes, didn’t help at all.

That's when she noticed it, the weight in her right hand. Covering her eyes with her left hand. She tries to get used to the light, the dizziness, and the headache.

Once her focus on the wall didn’t make her feel sick, she turns to her right.

The machine monitoring her heart captures the exact moment when her heart skips a beat and quicken. Mariana is sitting next to her, her face propped up on the bed, one hand holding her own hand. Ana blames the painkillers for clouding her mind. For making the first coherent thought be how beautiful Mariana looked while sleeping. With a loose ponytail and bare face.

Ana moves a lock of hair away from Mariana’s face, her thumb moves of its own volition and caresses the girl’s cheek.

Tears fall like raindrops.

Ana missed Mariana.

 At first, Mariana thinks the little sobs are coming from Valentina. It takes her a whole minute to remember where she is and why. She sees Ana trying to suppress her crying.

"Ana." Mariana sits up. "Are you alright?" Her voice sounds hoarse, the product of waking up and the air cooling the room.

Ana tries to calm down, Mariana sees the pain and desperation in her eyes when she fails. Her crying increases when Mariana caress Ana's cheek. Ana pushes the hand away, tries to punch or slap Mariana in the shoulder and arm as hard and as many times as she can.

The entire floor hears their combined screams of 'I don't want to see you here' and 'Ana, calm down, please.' The screaming makes the nurses call security. And by the time they arrive, it seems like a tornado formed inside the room. Ana throws everything within her reach. Mariana tries to cover and avoid all the projectiles.

Everyone in the room rushes to help Ana when they see her body falling against the bed.

The security men leave the room, moments later, as Mariana apologizes.

"She needs to rest." The nurse emphasizes before leaving too. As if blaming Mariana, who can only reply with a guilty smile.

"I want you to leave too," Ana says as she massages her temples.

"Please, Ana." Mariana begs. "Someone has to stay with you."

Ana looks at her with so much anger that Mariana feels it pierce her soul.

"You already made me look terrible to the staff of this hospital." Ana's mouth tightens into a pout that indicates anger and indignation. "What more do you want? Your mother takes money from my husband, you live in my house for months. You even won my children's affection. Changed my life. What else do you want from me? Do you want my money too?"

"Don't be unfair, Ana. You proposed me to stay at your house until Valentina stopped breastfeeding." Mariana approaches the bed with a firm step.

Both women look at each other, challenging the other, as they have always done since they met.

"I love you, Ana," Mariana whispers after a while, averting her gaze.

"Please." Ana snorts.

It's the frustration that drives Mariana to lean into Ana's personal space. To press their lips together. She finds resistance, and Ana struggles, trying to push Mariana away. But Mariana continues kissing Ana. And when she nibbles the edge of Ana's lower lip, Ana stops struggling.

Cradling Ana’s face the kiss turns desperate.

Wild.

Mariana wants to convey all her love and admiration for Ana with each kiss. With each nibble, she wants to promise Ana that she would never make the same mistake.

“Ana.” Mariana sighs between kisses.

Once the desperation passes, the kisses slow down until they're little peaks. Both know that they would have time to talk about how their feelings change everything. Mariana knows this is the right time to give some explanations – while Ana is silent, for once.

 When Mariana starts to walk from one side of the room to the other, Ana's brain shuts down for a moment. She dedicates herself only to look at Mariana. Regina and Valentina's mother. To remember all the moments they spent together. Their fights, their talks. The times Mariana made her understand that one couldn't control life sometimes. To live in the moment. No rules, no pretensions.

Mariana cries while trying to explain her side of the story.

"Ana," Mariana takes her hand and kisses it, "please. Forgive me." She presses their foreheads together and squeezes Ana's hand.

The weight she felt on her chest disappears. Ana feels whole again.

In control.

"I already did." She sighs. "I can't live without you anymore." Ana chuckles.

In those lonely days, Ana realized that the anger passed from Juan Carlos to Tere and, finally, to Mariana. It was then that the anger turned into sadness and then regret. She regretted not having Mariana and Valentina by her side.

The disappointment when Mariana confessed knowing everything and didn't tell her was still there. But to a lesser extent. Ana knew it was not going to be easy. Ana was not one of those people who forgave fast. She knew that.

But for Mariana, she would push that part of herself and try.

"I love you too, Mariana."

 The sound of Marian’s phone interrupts the comfortable silence they created.

"It's Ceci."

Ana snatches the device. Talks to her daughter, instructing her to pack a bag with a few clothes, her phone and tablet. And when she finishes, she dials Cynthia's phone next. It makes Mariana roll her eyes. Of course, Ana acts like she owns the phone.

“You do know we still need to have a very serious conversation, right?”

Mariana smiles and nods. “Later,” Mariana holds Ana’s hand again, “right now you need to recover.”

Ana smiles.

They will talk. Scream at each other.

But Mariana trusts they will find a way to move on.

After all, Regina and Valentina need both their mothers.

[parurushi]

Tagged by @takaiko~ thanks! (had to write it twice as I had to leave my room when I was almost done and when I came back Chrome had crashed as my cat sat on the keyboard lmao)

name: Lucy nickname: Rushi birthday: June 23rd gender: female sexuality: nsyncbyebyebye.mp3 height: 178cm idk how much that is in America time zone: utc -6 I think what time & date it is there: 09:55pm 10/01/2017 what time & date it would be in Antartica: doesn’t it fall into most if not all time zones so it depends on the exact location? average hours of sleep I get each night: like 6 rl otp: rl is real life right? I don’t think I have one at the moment except me x my loving wife RINA other otp: I have many from the anime I’ve watched. Currently I’m watching Psycho Pass and I ship the two mains + the ponytail girl with the blonde girl the last thing I google’d was: the English word for ungüento (oinment). Before that, what does snake + bee venom oinment works for my most used phrases: baia baia (a meme in Spanish) first word that comes to mind: mind what I last said to a family member: and then? (to my brother) one place that makes me happy and why: uhhhhh beaches/pools bc I love being in the water how many blankets i sleep under: 1 favourite beverage: chocolate-ly cold drinks like milkshakes and frappes the last movie i watched in the cinemas was: doctor strange I think, haven’t gone in a while three things i can’t live without: food/water, music and uhhhhh something i plan on learning: driving, to play an instrument a piece of advice for all my followers: Sometimes... you gotta be bold... just rock the world! you all have to listen to this song: I’m alone by callme

I tag @stevetbqh @kyaaaana @dimpled-squirrel @fantasiaforestspirit @thelonewolf48 if u feel like doing it

[thelonewolf48]

Things you said at 1 am.

One of the new fics I wrote recently, after the shittiest year of my life and that almost makes me stop writing, is based on these list of prompts.

I’m still writing them, little by little, but I posted this one in my AO3 account. Here I did another quick edit (I will edit the one in AO3 soon) so if you read it there and find the little differences don’t worry. It isn’t as different, just some sentence structure and changed a few words.

Anyway, I hope you like it!

A warning, since in here the tags are at the end of the page, it touches the 2021 issue. Don’t read if you don’t want to be reminded of it.

Compared to other nights, it wasn't late.

In fact, Chaeyeon knows that Sakura is able to function for a whole day even if she spent an entire night without sleep, sometimes crashing somewhere and taking small naps. This is something that caused discussions, debates, and fights.

On one side, Chaeyeon – one of the group's motherly figures – worries that, in the long turn, all the irregular sleep patterns Sakura follows will lead to some kind of disease. (Mentally or physically, the feather-like dancer shuddered only with the mere thought of Sakura suffering for both at the same time).

On the other, Sakura always shrugged the worries saying that she was more than used to sleep very little. After all, since the day she debuted back in Japan, her schedules were more packed and hectic. And she’s been following an abnormal patter since she was fourteen.

Sometimes, no one opened their mouths. Because during the fiercest discussions - that began with one girl complaining and the other rolling her eyes. And ended with screams and a pair of doors slamming close at the same time - everyone was too afraid to say something and receive some kind of backlash.

The only brave enough was, of course, Eunbi. She never raised her voice, just sighed tiredly, and let some kind of comment slip. Not about the discussion but about whatever activity the group was having at the moment.

(Breakfast, practice, riding the car, watching movies…)

It never passed long before the anger was over though.

Suddenly, the others would encounter Chaeyeon hugging Sakura, whispering apologies on the stubborn girl’s ears. If they were out in public, the second eldest would nod, awkwardly patting Chaeyeon's back or head (or both), and whisper a fast "I'msorrytoo." It always made Chaeyeon giggle.

If they happened to be at the dorms, Sakura would press her forehead on Chaeyeon's. Cup the other girl's face as delicate as possible (as if Chaeyeon would break with the lightest touch), and give her a full heartwarming apology. No one was surprised to find a flower resting on the dancing machine's bed. A famous Sakura sandwich and juice with the note 'Do not eat unless your name is Chaeyeon.' Accompanied by a little drawing and a warning of 'I'm serious!', in small letters to either Yuri, Wonyoung, Yujin, Yena, or Hyewon. Or some random cute something for Chaeyeon (earrings, make-up, clothes, necklaces…)

It was a little thing.

Their little thing.

So no, Sakura up at one in the morning wasn't surprising.

What surprised Chaeyeon was that the older girl had her eyes glued at some place of the wall that was across her, the television, or maybe on some of the photos of group that were around the TV. Chaeyeon knew Sakura was deep lost on her own thoughts, though. A random worn-out T-shirt, grey sweat pants and, a cup of probably hot chocolate cradled between Sakura's hands. The beverage was still warm, judging by the thin threads of steam.

In silence, to not wake the others up and to not scare Sakura, she moved slowly.

Sitting as softly as she could next to the older girl, Chaeyeon waited. Knowing far well that Sakura noticed her, knowing that she could wait until Sakura was ready. There was no rush. As good as she could dance, Chaeyeon could stay still, too.

A couple of seconds later, both girls silently shared the biggest sofa and looked to someplace in front of them.

"I do not know what I am going to do after this." Chaeyeon turned to look at Sakura, the older girl didn't return the gesture.

It made her frown but suppressed the itch she felt on her lips, swallowing the question forming on the tip of her tongue. Sakura continued.

"I never thought I would be this up. Never imagined that I would reach the top." The girl giggled, "Refer to one of my old dramas," she clarified and Chaeyeon took a mental note to ask either Nako or Hitomi about it. "I was so disappointed when I didn't win the elections back in Japan. I felt like a failure. I failed my group, my family, my fans, Sasshi…"

Chaeyeon slowly reached for Sakura's shoulder, gave it a light squeeze.

"Then I came here, and I failed too. Not about debuting," adding before Chaeyeon could open her mouth, knowing the words that Chaeyeon wanted to say, "but at that time, the trainers yelled at me. They told me how badly my performance affected our group and how we lost on the group battle. Back then, I was disappointing everyone, even the few juniors that looked up to me. What would my juniors think about the pathetic me? What would my own beloved seniors think of such weak junior? How many fans did I lose in the past days after they discovered that I could do nothing decently?

I did not know how to dance, how to sing, how to express myself in Korean, how to stop all my tears and frustrations from haunting me every time I closed my eyes." Finally, Sakura looked at her, with eyes filled with tears threatening to overflow. "I was nothing more than a disappointment. And no matter how hard I pushed myself, nothing worked." Sakura looked down, to the cup on her hands that with each word became colder.

There was a moment of heavy silence, a moment that Chaeyeon took to order her thoughts. To find the right ones to say, something more than just a simple 'it's okay,' or an 'I know what you mean.' Because Chaeyeon could relate. The feeling of failing at something that you were confident at, the pain that caused the heart to break with every harsh word thrown at you, realizing that dreaming of a goal wasn't enough. The frustration of giving your everything to achieve something, only for reality to slap you across the face with the cold truth. Killing your soul with each failure, driving you to think why bother? The nights spent crying, inconsolable.

And then, Chaeyeon understood.

"Is this why you don't want to sleep?" Chaeyeon whispered, so softly that if it weren't for the fact that everyone was sleeping and the younger girl was right next to her, Sakura would have missed it. "Sakura…"

"I'm sorry."

The dam broke.

There was no way that anyone or anything could stop the tears coming from the Japanese girl's eyes. A strained sob broke the silence, Sakura captured the next, biting her lower lip, tramping it there. Chaeyeon took the cup from the older girl's hands, placed it on the small table in front of them. Wrapping one arm around Sakura, she pulled the girl towards herself. The older girl allowed the movement, crashing her face in the space between the neck and shoulder, gripping her hands around each shoulder. And Chaeyeon started crying too, wondering how she endured not releasing any tears until now.

She didn't say anything but tightened the hug and moved both of them gently to and fro.

Time seemed to stop, the darkness covering both like a blanket, and the sobs coming from Sakura were so small and soft that no one awakened. Chaeyeon never loosened her embrace. Not until the other girl's shoulders stopped shaking, her own shoulders were freed, and the sobs turned into little sighs.

There was certain guiltiness on Chaeyeon's stomach. It felt heavy and made her question about how naïve she was.

All that yelling and discussions now tasted bitter. And since it was their thing now Chaeyeon cupped Sakura's face. The touch barely there, but because Sakura's strength was inexistent at the moment, it made her face move up. Foreheads pressed, sharing a sigh.

"I'm always here, Sakura." Chaeyeon barely whispered, "I'm always gonna be here. I want you to remember that."

A few tears fell from Sakura's eyes, that were cleaned by soft thumbs.

"I will return to Japan. I am going to leave, and you are going to be busy with anything you decide to do with your career."

"You do know that phones exist, right?" Chaeyeon teased with a soft smile, making Sakura giggle. "Sakura, the gamer with the latest technology in the basement, forgot that there are many ways to communicate with each other."

Sakura pouted, softly hitting Chaeyeon's shoulder.

"Shut up."

If the other members that shared the apartment with them saw them on the sofa, Sakura in between Chaeyeon's arms, no one mentioned it.

Everyone ignored the bags and redness on both pairs of eyes when they sat on the kitchen table the next day.

And, if with each passing day, they wondered why the discussions and Chaeyeon's insistency for Sakura to sleep more stopped, they reminded silent.

However, they wondered about the two cups that began to appear often in the sink. (Wonyoung, in her innocence, asked because it annoyed her that Chaeyeon never allowed her to leave dirty dishes.) Both girls always shared a look, a smile, and a little blush on their cheeks. Trying their best to not get caught.

They got caught one morning and were scolded by Hitomi when it was her turn to wash the dishes.

"If you both are going to share all-nighters, please clean up your mess."

It made them blush.