#The root of all problems whether it’s from male or female is ppl not being able to own up to their instincts

[moodboardsbysarah]

So much of what people call “feminism” is actually just women jealously competing with each other and women lashing out in insecurity at each other… and then trying to blame men for it.

You know, like women do anyway with or without feminism.

[thedeadflag]

I’m so confused! I know it’s not your responsibility to educate me but in your post bringing awareness to the negative aspects of g!p fanfic you say

“Why do these g!p characters rarely if ever involve experiences reflective of trans/intersex women? Why are they so utterly cis and perisex-washed? Why do nearly all writers have zero idea that tucking is a thing? “

Doesn’t that answer your original question? The reason they don’t reflect those groups of ppl is bc g!p isn’t trying to represent those groups of people or else it WOULD be transphobic to limit them to one specific fetish right? it just refers to a canonically female character with the addition of a penis (I don’t argue the name “g!p” should be changed bc that’s a no brainer why that could be offensive). But the fanfic in general, how could it be harmful? I’ve noticed in my time reading it as a non binary person it’s given me great gender euphoria reading a reader insert where reader has a penis while being a femme representing person just bc that’s a reflection of my personal experience. I don’t see anywhere where g!p fanfic ever references or tries to emulate the experiences of trans or intersex people so how could it be offensive?

Sorry this is way too long I’m just very confused

I'm going to try and lay this out as politely as I can. It's after 3:30 in the morning here, so this could be a bit disjointed and rambling. More under the cut:

In real life, ~99.999999% of women with penises are trans women. Which puts us in a tricky situation of (A) being the only women with penises around for media involving women with penises to reflect back on, and (B) being in the lovely position of precious few people actually having had meaningful real life exposure to trans women, meaning (C.) all those stigmas and all that misinformation are going to purely affect us and it’s going to be uncritically gobbled up by the masses, since they don’t have any meaningful information to fill in the blanks with instead.

When we peer into the depths of femslash fandoms and see all these folks who aren't trans women writing about women with penises, and using cis women’s bodies as platforms for these penises, it’s the simplest thing.

I mean, some of those folks might actually be struggling and confused about why they’re into it, what the real appeal is, why they get off on it, why they might have some feelings about wanting a penis of their own…

…but from our vantage point, it’s really easy to gauge 99.99% of the time. We can generally see valid, legitimate yearning to have a penis pretty damn easily in a piece of art/writing, and we can also see when people who create this media are just hung up on a boatload of baggage and fetishization.

And 99.9% of the time, the creators are just hung up on a boatload of baggage and fetishization, and see trans women’s bodies as a perfect vehicle to tap into that, generally due to deeply held cissexist views that link us and our bodies and genitals directly to cis men, to maleness. As if penises are rooted in maleness and masculinity (which is absolutely not true).

And I have sympathy for NB folks (certainly TME ones who have reached out to me in the past about this) who might be struggling with that, but just because they’re non-binary, it doesn’t mean they get to appropriate our bodies and reproduce transmisogyny and trans fetishization in their attempts at feeling better. Shit doesn't work like that.

Because again, the only women with penises in this world, essentially, are trans women. Meaning any woman with a penis in media is a trans woman, implicitly or explicitly. Meaning that when people who aren’t us want to write us, intent doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter if it’s just the writer’s fantasy, it’s still going to attach a variety of messages directly onto us.

And more often than not, due to cissexism, those messages are linking us to maleness, to toxic masculinity, etc..

While I do want to believe they're a fairly small minority, a lot of NB folks in fandom spaces like g!p characters in part because they see penises as male and the rest of the body as female and think that duality is interesting and would be comfortable, and is a nice balance of “both worlds” or a nice position “between male and female”, but that’s a wholly cissexist, transmisogynistic view to have, and it’s one that absolutely cannot be supported without directing sexual violence against trans women and invalidating our entire existence. Certainly not all NB folks into g!p like it for that reason, but holy shit a fair bit of them do and it’s weird and wrong and fetishistic.

g!p emerged from the idea that women can't have penises, and drew on the transmisogyny and cissexism of tr*nny porn to structure that frame of desire and the core patterns and trends within these works. It's always been trans women's bodies being used as a vehicle, whether or not the writers of these fics are explicitly aware of it, because the trope itself still holds true to its original patterns and cissexism. It's not the name that's the problem, it's the content; changing the name would be a surface level change that wouldn't affect anything.

g!p objectifies women with penises (trans women). A woman with a penis is more than just a woman with a penis, but the use of the term and trope is literally to (A) remind people that women don't have penises, otherwise the g!p term wouldn't be needed if people actually accepted women with penises as women, and that (B) this is a story centered on a scenario where there's a woman with a penis, with key focus on that genitalia specifically. it's the drawing point, it's the lure, it's what everything is centered on. It is a means for folks to write lesbian sex while also writing about penis in vagina and getting off to it. It's also no surprise that the penises so clearly emulate cis men's penises in these works, that is by design.

As I’ve said many times before, if you’re only writing trans women’s bodies to showcase cis men’s penises, you’re not respecting the womanhood of trans women, and this ultimately has nothing inherent to do with penis-owning women, it has to do with (cis) men and their penises, because trans women are just being used as a vehicle to emulate them. When NB folks do the same thing, and imagining themselves as those g!p characters, they are ultimately embodying cis men, their maleness, and often toxic masculinity, in a way that feels safe and distanced enough for them, a shell that they often code as cisnormative due to their own unprocessed cissexism.

And trans women don’t deserve that.

You seem caught in the idea that if something doesn't directly perfectly reflect trans women, that it can't be linked to us., which ignores the long long history of media being used to misrepresent marginalized peoples and cast us in insulting, dehumanizing lights. You show a lack of understanding of the g!p trope and the long history of its usage across a few other names, even if the content and patterns remained the same. It shows a lack of understanding of tr*nny porn and transmisogynistic stigmas, which the trope draws heavily from.

I think we can all recognize that most 'lesbian' prn that's made does not represent actual lesbians, it's overwhelmingly catered to the male gaze. We can also recognize that this category of porn has led to a lot of harassment towards lesbians from cis men who at the very least want to believe lesbians are just like they are in the porn he watches, that lesbians just need the right man. Lesbians are being used as a vehicle for a fantasy that was created externally to them, and doesn't represent their realities.

It's the same kind of situation here. The way g!p fics play out overwhelmingly doesn't reflect trans women's realities, but they are inherently linked to us regardless, as we're the vehicles for those fantasies, as unrealistic and harmful as they may be.

g!p characters are built in our fetishized image that’s based on a deeply cissexist misunderstanding of us, of the gender binary, and of bodies in general.

I mean, when 99% of cis folks don’t understand how trans women tend to be sexually intimate… when they don’t understand what dysphoria is and how it works and how it can affect us physically and emotionally…when they don’t understand almost any of our lived experiences…then they’re not going to be able to accurately portray us even if they wanted to.

And I’ve read enough g!p fics where authors wrote those as a means of trying to add trans rep, but because they didn’t understand us at all, it wasn’t remotely representative, and it was ultimately fetishistic, even if there was an undercurrent of sympathy and a lack of following certain common g!p patterns there that differentiated it from the norm.

If g!p fics were at all about reducing dysphoria or finding euphoria, then it wouldn’t be explicitly tied up in the performance of very specific sex acts, very specific forms of misogyny and toxic masculinity, very specific forms of sexual violence and exertion of sexual power, etc.

But it is.

So the notion that creating g!p fics helps NB folks? Nope. It CAN certainly prevent/delay those folks from facing a whole boatload of shit they’ve internalized, and coddle them at the expense of trans women.

Because if it was really about bodies and dysphoria/euphoria, there would be a considerable push (allying with out own) to end our fetishization and to represent us in and out of sexual contexts with accuracy, respect, and care. Because they wouldn’t care what sex acts were performed and what smut beats were hit, they’d just want to see someone with a body like their ideal being loved, being sexual, connecting, being authentic, etc. Which very much is not the case in the overwhelming majority of g!p fics. That's what we want, and it's not what g!p writers want, it's nothing they give a shit about.

Like, a ways back I started doing random pulls of g!p fics from various fandoms and assessing them for certain elements to provide some quantitative clarity. I started on The 100 here, and did OuaT here. Never finished the 100 one since the results leveled out and stayed pretty consistent as the sample size grew, so I didn't really see the point in continuing any further after about 140 fics when the data wasn't really changing much at all.

Lastly, media influences people. I've read countless posts and comments from people who use fanfiction as a sex ed guide, in essence. Which is ridiculous, but I also know sex ed curricula often isn't very accurate or extensive in a lot of areas, so people take what they can get. Representation in media can be powerful, and when it overwhelmingly misrepresents people, that's also powerful. Just because fandom is a bit smaller than televised media, it doesn't make that impact any lesser, certainly not for those whose primary media intake is within fandom.

Virtually all trans representation in f/f fanfiction is misrepresentative of us. That has a cost in how people understand us, how people react to us, and how people treat us. Not just online, but in physical spaces, and in intimate settings.

I invite you to read that post you referenced again, or perhaps this longer one which is a response to a trans guy who seemed to feel something similar to you with this trope.

All I can do is lay it out there and try to explain this. It's up to you how you handle this. All I know is whenever there's a big surge in g!p in a fandom, trans women generally leave it en masse, because it's a very clear and consistent message that we're not valued, respected, and that people value getting off on us over finding community with us.

[vahanians]

answer all in detail I dare you this is for reminding me of dmmd

you’re never gonna let me live that down are u smh

EE here we goooooo

1: LOL no but i do think you’re a freak if you outright hate cats. theyre not doing anything to you they’re just chilling and you dont know how to read their body language. i get not liking dogs bc they can be scary but people who hate cats are always like “cats killed my parents and burned my house down so i think they should all be put down” like shut up freak

2: i think skin care is a scam tbh all u need is sunscreen if you’re gonna spend time in the sun but other than that just use normal water and soap ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i havent ever had issues with my skin w this method especially since i stopped wearing makeup. u dont need a 10 step routine with creams and serums you’re just spending money you could use elsewhere

3: i cringe everytime this is brought up. i think a lot of claims have roots in misogyny but i dont think its an actual axis of oppression and im tired of hearing about it

4: i dislike political lesbianism on an intimate level. there’s nothing wrong with wanting to center women in your life but you cant choose to be a lesbian. sexual orientation doesnt work that way. and a lot of political lesbians/lesbian feminists are just plain old homophobes who are disgusted by actual lesbians

5: love it wish i could live my life completely separate from men!! i think women should center women in their lives/surround themselves with other women. whether its only having female healthcare providers, having female educators, coworkers, friends etc; i think its incredibly important and more women should be less afraid of it

6: as a so-called gold star i dont understand the hate tbh if anything there should be more support for lesbians so they dont need to ~explore~ with men or force themselves to be with men. in a perfect world all lesbians would be gold stars because we would feel safe and comfortable in our sexualities from the get go

7: i think centering your feminism on your sexuality is a little silly. we have different experiences but we should be focused on liberation for ALL women. i think we have different priorities and i know hetfems can be extremely homophobic which is a huge problem. but like we’re all women so

8: personally? i get it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ not only should women be able to access abortions for any reason, i completely understand not wanting to bring another male into this world. could u imagine having a male baby who grows up to be a pornsick patriarchal piece of shit? id kms

9: while i get the desire to ~go back to nature~ i think its kind of bullshit. we have science and medicine for a reason so get your flu shot and quit expecting elderberry syrup to be a miracle drug. ntm a solid majority of health supplements and herbal remedies are NOT fda approved so they’re full of toxic shit and like sawdust its not as healthy as you think it is. also preservatives good i like my junkfood tyvm

10: pastel blogs no but age regression? yeah tbh i dont understand wanting to treat yourself/be treated as a literal child when you’re a grown adult. its very icky to me and i do think that a good majority of it is fetishization of children/childhood its gross. you can like cute stuff and kid stuff without being a weirdo freak about it

11: bad i think all polyamory ppl are just looking for “ethical” ways to cheat on their partners with no repercussions. if you arent satisfied in your relationship you need to take a look at yourself and not go “oh ig i just need to fuck more people then”. polygamy is bad and used (esp in fundamentalist sects) to dominate women and keep them subservient to men all polygamists die challenge

12: i think veganism is an extremely restrictive diet and treating it as the be-all end-alll of moral superiority is just insane. humans are omnivores and beyond that, a lot of the vegan staples come from unsustainable and exploitative farming practices that put real workers at risk. also i think a lot of vegans are straight up annoying like shut up people like meat. we should be focusing on sustainable and humane farming practices not eradicating meat from our diets entirely.

13: ohhh i hate this question but??? i think gay men. from my experience straight women are so disgusted by the idea of lesbians and our attraction to women whereas gay men can understand where we’re coming from bc they face the same kind of attitude from men- we’re degenerates who are perverted and disgusting for being same sex attracted according to straight people

14: im not straight so its weird to answer this but tbh? i think its a good idea. protect yourselves from men who will hurt you and abuse you during the most intimate moments of your life, and protect yourself from stds and the dangers of pregnancy at the same time. tbh if all women went on a sex strike i think men would straight up die and thats a good thing

15: NOOOOO i hate this lmfao femmes are lesbians and even if they wear makeup/perform femininity it doesnt change that. tbh i dont get it and think all women should break free of the prison of femininity but that doesnt make them not lesbians

16: i think its fun! we need more magic in the world tbh and if that means you believe in astrology or crystals then good for u. if im being honest i have tarot decks that i use and its a good way to see your questions/issues in a different light. plus its fun. dont we all wish magic was real in some way? its when it trumps your respect/belief in actual science that it becomes a problem. ur crystals wont cure your mental illness but they can make u feel better wrt the power u place on them

17: eesh…..i want to say yes, but i also always want to point to rachel held evans and female pastors etc and go see!! women are taking back power in religion!!! its just so difficult because for a majority of history religion HAS been used to oppress women. i think if you’re a woman who is interested in religion you need to find women who share your beliefs & standards and find your community with them and not the church as a whole. re: a biblical perspective a lot of the stories do involve women in a way that isnt as shockingly misogynistic. there are stories of women among jesus’ disciples, stories of women rising up against their abusers & against corrupt men in positions of power etc i think its important to remember that the bible is first and foremost a document with its own historical context, one that comes from when women were little more than property and that its authors themselves were from that time as well

18: i guess? in the way that people can be shitty about bisexuals. but its not an axis of oppression in the same way homophobia/misogyny is. no one is banning bisexual marriage theyre banning homosexual marriage.

19: okay ): all jokes aside it might be immature but it can be extremely funny. i am not immune to 12 year old sense of humor

20: as an adult i feel weird about it like if youre a young teen im not gonna follow you/interact with you and i think we should all be more considerate of that. but if theyre being racist/homophobic/misogynistic being a minor isnt gonna save them from being told what theyre doing is shitty. we also need to be aware that kids learn from the adults around them so we have a responsibility to be good role models regardless of what we may think about it. there’s always going to be moments where we interact with minors so we need to make sure we’re instilling in them good values and confidence within themselves, ESPECIALLY young girls

21: bad. being a gay man doesnt make you not a man and means you still need to do the work when it comes to misogyny. you arent a women and shouldnt treat womanhood as a costume or a fun little jokey joke you can use on a whim.

22: why do they look like that. why are they so often so misogynistic (using derogatory terms for women, calling each other fishy etc). its never as respectful as drag kings are, it seems like theyre using ramped up and obnoxious performances of femininity to hate and mock women

23: if normal healthy sex isnt enough for you youre a freak who needs therapy tbh especially if your kinks are violent and degrading its just not healthy and im afraid you’re going to use it as an excuse to hurt and violate women. plus the idea that anything can be a kink is just microlabeling to an extreme. wanting to be praised during sex isnt a kink its normal. being attracted to hands isnt a kink theyre just nice looking and you appreciate the human body etc

24: i dont condone the usage of slurs in any context

25: what the fuck is this LMFAO??? OH WAIT is this like…the discourse around dating bi women bc some people think theyve been ~tainted~ from their experiences with men?? thats just bad and misogynistic lmfao

26: i think it can be dangerous for women (stds the risk of pregnancy how men use it as a tool to hurt and force women into submission) but i dont think its inherently degrading like blowjobs are

27: NO LMFAO THEYRE GAY i hate this way of thinking butch/femme is a huge part of lesbian culture and its irritating for it to be discounted. imitating heterosexuality would be like. sucking on strap (ew) and etc not simply just being butch/femme

28: um. i dont see the need just leave them alone. your pubes are there to protect your vulva theres no need to put product in them in fact it defeats the purpose. quit putting unnecessary products near your vulva people wtf

29: i dont think it exists lol i think there are people with little interest in sex people who have low libidos for one reason or another etc but especially from reading about how asexies describe wanting sex/seeing other people its just a product of extreme compartmentalization of sexuality. plus the idea that everyone who isnt asexual just wants to bone everyone they see is so ridiculous its laughable. in my personal experience i called myself ace as a young teen bc i didnt relate to conventional descriptions of attraction bc um i was just gay and we all experience attraction differently

30: not the ones who arent white i mean i have a horrible uscentric worldview that comes from being raised in the us so…but i think if you’re white you’re white but there are europeans of all heritages and races just like theres us americans of all heritages and races. but like youre not not white just bc ur italian yk?

[anothergirlfromaroundtheway]

A lot of the convos about what’s wrong with hip hop needs deeper analysis. Simply saying it’s wack now, it’s vulgar, misogynistic, and homophobic (misogynistic and homophobic is true) isn’t enough.

Hip hop/rap vulgar origins had to do with the rebellious nature of the genre. America has always wanted to ignore its ugly past and adorned rose colored glasses. America is not only oblivious to the world outside of America, but even atrocities in our own backyard. Rap shattered that. Talking about real world issues that mainstream upper middle class white media was too shy to talk about or acknowledge was rap at its core. Specifically, the lives Black ppl were living. America was seen as this utopia, the time of the American dream. Meanwhile, Black folks were going through police brutality, mass incarceration, crack/AIDS epidemic, extreme poverty, etc. so, hip hop talked about many of these things. Especially in the 90’s, when so many rappers were promoting safe sex( it was the 90’s, so it definitely wasn’t sex positive, negative for std/sti positive ppl, misogynistic…but…yea)

But rap is not inherently violent. If anything, hip hop/rap was used as an alternative to fighting and gangbanging. You had beef, freestyle or do a dance battle. Hip hops vulgar ness and “in your face” nature wasn’t just for show and for the sake of attention, it had a purpose to it.

In regards to the misogyny and homophobia, it’s been a problem in hip hop for a long time unfortunately. The reason? It’s dominated by straight Black men, frankly. It’s no surprise that Black folks have homophobia, transphobia (overall anti-lgbtq+) and misogyny in our community. So, since hip hop is not only our creation, but dominated by straight Black men, it has all of those flaws. No matter how much women and lgbtq+ folks have added to the genre and culture of hip hop, discrimination and disrespect is still something female and lgbtq+ rap artist have to encounter. The way y’all talk about female rap and lil nas x is proof of that. But, this ain’t unique to rap, and I’m tired of opportunistic nonblacks acting like it is. Because of the nature of rap( and anti blackness if we’re being honest) the toxicity in the genre is more present, but other genres of music also have this problem, and women and lgbtq+ folks also struggle to be respected in genres like pop, rock, country, etc.

Lastly, the problem with mainstream rap, is legit that, mainstream. Rap was meant to be against mainstream, at the very least challenge it. However, when something that was created in the margins becomes mainstream, it’s stripped of its original roots and becomes something completely different. It becomes palatable and relatable for the mainstream, which changes it completely. That’s the issue. We need to be back in control of hip hop. Now, I do think it’s cool that there are different forms of rap now. I mean rock rap is becoming a thing and I fucks with it. Trap rap, conscious rap, lyrical, party rap, etc. I like it all, but a lot of the rap that’s been promoted in recent years is not it at all. It’s been extremely disappointing.

I could argue, that the most authentic rap artist right now are female rap artist and lgbtq+ rap artist. Not just because of their identity, but because the content of their songs. Many people complain about female rappers always talking about their pussy(but say nothing about the thousands of straight male rappers talking about how much they’ve been fucking without a condom, but I digress) and while I get the need for variety, that is rebellion. Women talking about sex, in regards to their pleasure, and how they’re not fawning over a guy, is against the status quo. While not all female rap needs this template to be rebellious(and one could factor in the complex trope of the over sexual Black girl) this is something that’s rebellious. Many folks make fun of WAP, and while I have my criticisms of cardi B, WAP caused almost nearly the same ruckus as straight outta Compton👀 I’m not comparing WAP musically or bar wise to straight outta Compton, but the attention it got from mainstream media. Ppl are still pissed about that song. Politicians debated it, it caused a ruckus on social media, hell, all media. Frankly, that’s what rap is supposed to do. 👀 Again, not just simply cause controversy just because, but to challenge the status quo. Whether or not that was cardi and megs intentions, that’s what it did. Also, Montero by lil nas x did that as well. 🙃 When in rap history, have we seen a gay man rap about his sexuality? When have we seen anyone, let alone a Black man, grind on satan?!?! When have we ever seen two men kiss on an award show performance?!?! That’s what rap is supposed to do.

Rap has been used around the world for rebellion. I saw a mini documentary on Thai rappers and Russian rappers using their music to challenge their government. That’s what rap is supposed to be. That’s its origins. And frankly, we need to take it back and save it. But if we do, it can’t go back to the calling women bitches and saying the f slur and not respecting women and lgbtq+ folks in rap. To not being a safe space for non straight Black men. To a place that protects abusers, rapist, pedophiles, misogynist, and colorist. This is the commentary I want to see with rap.

[dontbeallupinmyfriesdawg]

See it's great that you're a feminist and all but I find it annoying how some ppl think a TV show is their to teach you right from wrong. Like in one of your last anonymous posts. That person said they got mad bc some of the female characters were called " bitches. " I'm against slut-shaming but they were being called a bitch bc they were being one? Just like how when the male characters were assholes/dicks they were being called that.

I find it annoying how some ppl think a TV show is their to teach you right from wrong.

My thing is this. If you’re a show and you’re going to be amoral, be amoral. Show bad things happening, sometimes a show is just gratuitous and hedonistic for entertainment purposes and that’s why people like it. But TVD doesn’t do that, they take things that are clearly wrong, sugar coated or retconned situations and present it as right. Like with Damon, if he’s a villain, make him an out and out villain like Kai, Klaus, Katherine or Silas. Each of those characters did overtly violent and heinous things but the thing is they were never presented as okay. Damon is still portrayed on tvd as a hero despite being a rapist and causing the majority of the show’s problems.

He ‘get’s the girl’, he lives happily ever after 

(while his brother who was objectively a better person dies - and it wasn’t a thing where they said ‘and the moral of the story is sometimes good people die and bad people live’ Stefan’s death was literally portrayed his penance, okay sure he killed Enzo but in comparison for all the shit Damon did and never even felt sorry for much less made right it made no sense. Stefan was always potrayed, especially towards the end of the show as making up to Damon for something)

and the show presents Damon in such a way that you get the feeling that was supposed to sympathize and root for him. So I’m like if you wanna be a gothic and dark tv show, do it, don’t act like behavior like Damon’s is normal or something that should be rewarded, don’t present it as normal that a person should or would spend that much time around someone who raped them. That’s my argument.

Furthermore, whether you like it or not, TV is a reflection of real life and does affect real life because real people watch it. I’ve had people come into my inbox and comment on my post and straight up deny that Damon raped Caroline and I think part of that is the way Damon is portrayed. Like I think a lot of people like Klaus (me included) or think Joseph is hot or whatever but most people agree that Klaus is not boyfriend or husband material. If I had someone like Klaus trying to control me and had to deal with his paranoia I’d go crazy. Some people on this site actually see Damon and Elena’s relationship as goals and think that their cute and want a guy like Damon.

Not Ian. Damon.

I’m against slut-shaming but they were being called a bitch bc they were being one?

I think that the anon was commenting on the general tone of the show. I don’t personally agree with calling someone a bitch in a derogatory tone. It’s even worse for me when men say it about women because of the whole history of men putting down women and using words like ‘bitch’ or ‘slut’ to repress us and put us in our place. I can understand lashing out and call someone a bitch especially if that person had ruined your whole life and murdered your whole family etc.. However it’s a recurring them on TVD. 

I don’t know how to explain this but it’s a difference in impact when a woman is insulted by that word to when a guy is called an asshole or a jerk. Because what I feel is. When women do awful things, especially on TVD they are kind of socially punished on the grounds of what they did and because they’re a woman. So you’re not just an evil person, you’re a bitch because you stepped out of that passive role and did something terrible.

It’s always presented as worse when it’s a woman. Like Katherine is referred to as a bitch soo many times especially by Damon of all people. Katherine is criticized more on the show than Damon despite Damon causing more damage than she did in the long run. That whole we’re-glad-katherine’s-dead-party was bogus because most things mentioned were actually Damon’s fault. 

But the show always portrays Katherine as much worse than Damon, Klaus and Kai combined. Katherine did terrible things, I wouldn’t call her a good person, she raped Stefan, Killed Jeremy, betrayed hundreds of people including her friends. But the general tone of TVD is very anti-woman and very forgiving of it’ male characters.

Klaus and Damon can have a redemption arc but Katherine gets dragged kicking and screaming twice to hell?

I’m just saying.

[themadcapmathematician]

For example, me being aggressive when im triggered bc i have ptsd isnt me being toxically masculine; its my brain responding to trauma in the context of my mental illness. Sometimes its a completely reasonable response, mental illness or not. Its value neutral and its gender neutral. Its the context and manifestation that matters.

me being aggressive or feeling aggressive isnt the problem, it depends on how i handle it in that moment with the amount of tools i have at my disposable (i.e. if someone prevents me from removing myself from the situation its not fair for me to shoulder all the blame)

Also im genderfluid, and yet this response doesnt change whether im male, female, both, or neither. Its just me being angry and in distress. i think its important to recognize i dont respond that way because im sometimes a man. Im not just some asshole leaning into Male Privilege(tm). and when i respond in that way and im a woman, a lot of people would label that like...gnc behavior? Which is mystifying in and of itself. That's not even getting into the discourse of it being labeled as inherently more noble vs more hysterical and absurd, or less toxic if at all. And then me being a gender not male or female, or no gender? Or both? And the discourse surrounding its place in power structures? The more you break it all down the more absurd it become

I think a lot of trans men/masc ppl, but really trans and nb people of any gender, are afraid of this sort of nonsense promoted in feminist circles, that having normal feelings - toxic or not - makes their gender identity toxic, or means theyre playing into gendered power dynamics, or that they have to give special care to police their own responses in context of their identitiy. And that is nonsense in all honesty. The lines are too blurry to make definitive statements like that. We need to tone down on the vagueness of this kind of feminist critique and recognize that its still strongly rooted in binarism and gender roles

Idk part of breaking with gender roles and gender dichotomies i feel is recognizing not all traits of toxic masculinity are actually toxic in certian context and not all of the traits discussed are directly tied to masculinity or even necessarily gendered at all; its just kind of hard to parse all of it because we tie so much of our basic emotions and personality traits into gender and gender roles