#The only thing he did wrong in this episode was be mean to Beck. Everything else is absolutely valid

[what-bot]

These tags also pass peer review. Reminded of that time he was enthusiastically yeeting dudes to their deaths, including Kevin who narrowly hung on. He probably felt so bad about that

Tron: Uprising (S01E10) Scars Part 2                                    

[radiantlyrey]

Thoughts on Uprising Ep12 “We Both Know How This Ends”

- cold open: I see the Renegade is getting some good ol’ fashioned sabotage in!! love his nonchalance at initially getting caught. also I find it interesting that Pavel is the one dealing with this incursion rather than Paige or Tesler, mostly because the Renegade has largely been a problem for Paige and Tesler primarily, while only like tangentially with Pavel. (Like Pavel mostly goes after the Renegade after Paige has screwed up.)

- the tanks screw up magnificently, well done Tron and Beck. Beck beats a hasty retreat, and then we cut to moody cityscapes and then Able is leaving the garage and puts Mara (who is complaining about the mess the other shift left behind, which is a cute detail that I love) in charge of the day’s activities. (and it was at this moment that I knew what the main plot was going to be…….)

- Able is Going To A Mysterious Place~~~ and then there are gridbugs, which here do a whole helluva lot more than they ever did in the original film!! (seriously the vibe I get from gridbugs’ original appearance is “we spent all this money on this animation and we are putting it in the film, goddammit!!”)

- Mara’s turn as head of the garage goes about as well as one might expect…. Beck and Zed are late, and slacking off, and folks take advantage of Mara to get time off, and so on… and THEN. the plot arrives as a passel of Recognizers!! with a very angry Pavel in tow! oh joy. (also I love Beck’s comment of “gee, thanks Renegade” because like… he has to fix his own sabotage now. this is hilarious and one of the downsides of being a secret renegade….)

- I gotta say, Tron really outdid himself with this self-replicating code on these tanks?? like, good for him, I guess, but also…. oopsie if you thought this was gonna just be set aside by the bad guys instead of being given someone else to solve (also I get the sense that Pavel is trying to get this fixed quickly because he maybe doesn’t want Tesler to find out??)

- watching Able set up his little shelter beacon thing I was seriously wondering what the heck he was doing (i mean, I figured it involved Tron, but regardless)—right up until Tron showed up and then it was like “ohhhhh….. okay, I see now”

- and then Beck’s Two Dads have an argument, and I’m sorry Tron, but Able won this one. what you’re having Beck do might be important, but like…. if you don’t actually have a plan, an overarching plan that has an end scenario, then…. yeah. we both know how this ends, and it ends very badly for Beck. (also the little hint to Cyrus with “another one of your mistakes!” oooooOOOOOHOO MAN)

- it was nice to see Mara getting her bearings as leader at the end, both by calling out Beck (like wtf were you planning to do there, kiddo? seriously???) and by solving the problem of the tanks and getting everything done in time. (also good on Zed for fixing the freaking lift and getting everything ship-shape) (also just a side note: Zed’s little comment about liking Mara just—TELL HER ABOUT IT. GOD. Y’ALL TWO ARE GONNA KILL ME, I SWEAR.)

- in re: Pavel: on the one hand, he is a little ridiculous and is basically the trope of the underling constantly trying to usurp their boss (I believe TV Tropes calls this “The Starscream”?? could be wrong), but on the other hand, in instances like these, he comes across as incredibly dangerous and not one to cross. like he is occasionally downright terrifying, and Paul Reubens does a great job swinging between those two extremes.

- the ending of the episode is great. (especially Able’s little business with Beck: “return this for me” “return it to who?” “I think you already know”) but it was nice to see Able be supportive of Mara’s turn as boss. he is Supportive Dad to all!!! seriously this ending just warmed the little cockles of my heart, and I loved it.

- and honestly? this made for a nice breather episode after the big bombshells of the last two or three stories. there weren’t any action scenes, unless you count Able and Tron fighting off the gridbugs (said sequence seriously gave me the heebie jeebies btw, ICK) and the bits at the beginning, but…. yeah. it was a nice change of an episode, also it was nice to see Beck (a) actually doing his job and (b) actually hanging out with his friends kind of.

- so yeah!! good stuff good stuff! love it!

next episode is the last one I watched 10 years ago, and then we get into new stuff for me; oh boy!! I might watch The Stranger tonight, and report back tomorrow; we’ll see how I feel.

[oddlykilledghosts]

A Review I Wrote About "You" by Caroline Kepnes from high school

Warnings: very-unfiltered, basically a stream of thoughts, remember this is me from high school so, cursing, un-edited

Before I even start I want to address the fact that only once this book was turned into a show people suddenly starting romanticizing the narrator, Joe, who is not only a pin point in the toxic masculinity map but even states himself in the book (trying to defend himself) that if anyone else peeped in on his actions they would call him a "nut". He loves Beck in his demented way, maybe. That does not make him in any way desirable for his "nice" gestures because his crazy cancels it out. Nor does it mean Beck was in any way in a healthy relationship with him. If you think I'm wrong please leave.

Unlike the show, the book does not jump straight away into Joe's "evil" antics. Spoiler Alert: It takes a very very long time in the book for Joe to finally get rid of and kill Benji. In the show it's one of the first two episodes sooooo...I can kind of understand more of your brain thinking "hmm maybe he's still a good guy" if you're reading the book (and even then it's a stretch). If you're watching the show and think that I'm sorry but you don't kill people, not even for "love" or whatever bullshit Joe was feeling. This is a point for the book that I really admired. It normalized Joe more than the show. Like he wasn't meant to kill straight away. Like he didn't go so quickly to the darkness. Almost like it excuses his behavior. The author, Kepnes, did a really good job of this without turning Joe into an unreliable narrator. You want to redeem Joe and every time you come close to thinking you might forgive him you can't and you aren't supposed to. However, if you do redeem Joe that's against the point of what Kepnes was trying (and succeeding) to make. Yes, he's  a character and you think he's interesting and that's okay (it's still only a book/show guys) but as a real person he's disgusting and honestly vile (sorry Snape). Still Kepnes did an amazing job of clearly expressing Joe's creepy and weirdly "right" thoughts in his own way without making it seem like Joe didn't even believe himself, which is hard to do.

Another thing I noticed online was how many people dislike Beck (not you Elizabeth Lail you're gorgeous and amazing). At first I too hated her and now I'm confused as to why. Did Kepnes write her this way and if she did why (and if she did I seriously love you Caroline Kepnes you're a genius)? Maybe we're all jealous of Beck. This girl who seduces guys like it's nothing (and her and her friends talk about every sex-scandel EVER). A girl who everyone is obsessed with. A girl with a cool social media and good following. A girl that has a life that isn't perfect, but don't most of us still want it more than our own? We all want to be watched. We want attention. Everyone is shaming Beck for the same thing. We slut-shame Beck for sleeping with guys. For master-bating in her own home. But how do we know this? No one is shaming Joe for stalking her. For looking into those private and intimate moments that weren't meant to be for his eyes. He violated her life and we shame the victim. Is this how our society is conditioned? We hate her for her friends but I don't really hear anyone shaming Peach for the arsenal of Beck porn on her computer (the only thing I really condone Joe looking into cause that is fucked up). And Annika (Chana) and Lynn are quite harmless...not the best but still better than nothing. The only thing that would be okay to shame Beck about would be lying about her dad's "death". Still, he messed shit up for her and let me know when you haven't needed to put things in the past. Having him in her life would just make things worse so I get it girl. Still, fucked up. You (metaphorically) killed your dad, Beck.

Also btw I'm pretty sure Paco doesn't exist in the book unless I read a totally different book.

I kind of already addressed this but there is so much more to go into about everything people like about Joe is FAKE! "Yeah but they were cute and they like the same things." Uh huh, they have a couple things in common but guess what? Joe stole her fucking phone. He read every text. Every email. Every post. Every Tweet. Who she called. Where she was. He knew was she said two hours before a date. He knew what mood she was in twenty-four seven. He knew what terms she was on with her friends (Peach!). He manipulated his way into a relationship with her based on this information. None of those "oh but I ship them moments" is justifiable once you realize this. Joe would'e never gotten into her heart (or her pants) if he didn't know any of this. In both the show and book right when Joe is about to blow his chance he remembers something of her or her friends THAT HE SHOULDN'T KNOW and it saves him. If he wasn't a vicious and ugly person he would've never gotten to date Beck. Which is both sad and ironic. I'm sorry but your romantic ideal of this character only exists because he's psychotic...he'd be his creepy little gremlin self if he didn't slink around like a pissing homeless person "engine engine number nine on the new york transit line" (haha references).

Just because people don't understand I'll add it one more time YOU DON'T KILL PEOPLE NOT FOR LOVE NOT FOR ANYTHING SO FUCK OFF

Now to get to the writing...ITS REALLY GOOD. I have a very low attention span and even if I like a book I'll be checking to see what page I'm on. Not with this book. I want to keep turning the page until I'm two-hundred pages in and it's almost two am but I keep going. That's how good it is. The dialogue is real and it flows. The character feelings feel realer than actual life. Beck's forever turmoil in life cuts you (maybe that's why we don't like her). And I've said this before but Joe's "feelings" really want you to make him seem reliable, remarkable, and redeemable (unremarkable people don't go around wondering if they're remarkable).

Now the thing that gets progressively worse is Joe's inability to know that he's in the wrong but still feel like he's doing the right thing. This happens when he follows Beck to the Dickens festival and he thinks she's spotted him. He knows he messed up. He did the awful thing and the only time he realizes it's "wrong" (I put quotations because he still sees himself as the better person) Is when he thinks he's caught. The same thing happened when he thought he killed Peach in the park. When he realized he did not kill her but only harm her, he feels a moment of panic before realizing she didn't know it was him. He feels justified after he gets away with it. A classic narcissistic move.

Narcissists love playing-

And that is where I stop because I read this book like two months ago and now I forget everything. Thanks for reading. (aka past me from years ago)

[sokkastyles]

Hi! It’s probably been said a million times by now lol but your post about Zuko and the symbolism of tea being used to illustrate his character growth really highlights why it never made sense that he ended up with Mai... like by the final episode it was extremely clear that they had very different values and were no longer suited to each other (if they ever were)... honestly it just seemed like a disservice to his character because it was completely incongruent with the rest of the narrative and his arc... his relationship with Mai (at least to me) always seemed to be another aspect of his “old life” in the FN that he had come to learn was not actually what he wanted anymore, nor what was best for him...

Hi and thank you!

I've seen some accusations that people who point this out are saying that Mai is shallow, and that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that this is part of the narrative function of Zuko's relationship with her, because it's a story and everything that is in a story is there for a reason (or should be). And it's not even necessarily Mai's fault because that's what Zuko thought he wanted, to be happy in his old life. And he does initially enjoy it, because he's a teenage boy, and he's gone from being an exile and refugee to being a prince and being waited on and having fangirls and a girlfriend who is all over him. Zuko went through a period of starvation in the Earth Kingdom and then he had to work a thankless job (working in food service SUCKS guys, and I think some people forget that for the majority of the time Zuko wasn't working in Iroh's swanky upper ring shop, he was working in the lower ring and probably being paid very little), and goes from eating jook to having platters of fancy fruit tarts offered to him at his beck and call.

That scene where several servants offer him a series of unnecessary stuff and he keeps turning it down until he finally accepts the hot towel hesitantly and then he's treated as if there's something wrong because he doesn't take the palanquin is directly showing this. Zuko doesn't think to take the palanquin because as he says, it's only a short walk, because he's no longer used to this kind of pampering and find it unnecessary. But then he's told that it's not a prince's place to walk, so he does eventually accept it, because he's trying to fulfill this role and be this person that he thinks he is supposed to be. And he even gets a little smile on his face, because this IS what he wanted, he wanted to be treated like a prince, he wanted that affirmation and respect, so of course he's going to enjoy the pampering that comes with it, but what it comes down to is wants vs needs. That's also shown in Mai suggesting that riding around on the palanquin double time would make him happy. He wants to please and impress Mai but he knows that palanquin rides when he's perfectly capable of walking are excessive, especially since this comes at the expense of others. I think some people don't think about the logistics of a palanquin and what it is meant to represent, and how much work it takes to carry one, especially double time. It's meant to represent not only the excess of the Fire Nation royalty, but their complete disregard for other people. That's also explicitly shown in Azula's cruelty towards her palanquin bearers. I don't think Mai means to be cruel like Azula, it just never occurred to her to treat her servants like human beings because she's never been on the other side of it like Zuko has, and this fits with her character's general apathy towards the world. This is also shown in Mai assuming that Zuko knew about the war meeting because for her it's something casual and unimportant, and then not understanding why it is important to Zuko and then being happy for him when he is invited and happy for him when he is able to sit at his father's right hand, because she doesn't know the real reason why it's important and what he wanted to get from it.

And ultimately it doesn't make him satisfied because it doesn't give him what he needs to be emotionally fulfilled. When he was in the tea shop with Iroh he complained about the work and about not being treated like a prince, but he learned to appreciate it for the things he did have that mean so much more, having a safe home and Iroh's love and not having to live in fear of the people who are supposed to love you. Zuko knew after the war meeting that being treated like a prince was not enough, especially if it came at the cost of 1) his own agency (he is literally silenced at the meeting) and 2) other people, as he realizes how horrifying what his father wants to do is.

And so Zuko chooses to leave it behind. And part of that is sacrificing his relationship with Mai. This is why it will never make sense that Mai comes back in the finale to tell him that she's his girlfriend again and to tell him to never break up with her again after being completely dismissive of the reason he broke up with her in the first place. Despite being written from the get go as dysfunctional, the show could have salvaged their relationship if they really wanted to, but that is absolutely not the way to do it. Aside from the fact that it's not an appropriate thing to say to someone you are dating ever, even if it's a joke, and aside from the very ugly context with Zuko being an abuse survivor with rejection issues who, because of his trauma, has a higher risk than others of being abused by a partner who doesn't care about his consent.

[hypingthesway]

The Moment - Noah Beck

Chapter One

“Tayler Holder and Regan Cross step out once again fueling the dating rumours. Are these two really dating? We’ve got the answer.”

Rolling my eyes as Griffin’s voice filled the room, I couldn’t help but want to smack the phone right out of his hands. It was becoming tedious that going out for dinner with friends was making the tabloids so often. I mean, what’s so special about that? I know people are interested in my life and who I’m hanging around with but sometimes, I just want to hangout with a friend without a rumour circulating. Being a YouTuber, people are always going to assume things and I’m fully aware of that but it just gets boring having to deal with it all the time.

“Don’t tell me the answer, I want to guess.” Jaden piped up, diverting his full attention to Griffin. “I think...they are.” He said, smirking as he looked over at me.

“You caught us.” Tayler said, walking into the room. “We’ve been secretly dating this whole time!” Feeling his hands grip my shoulders, he gave me a good shake before laughing it off and grabbing a water from the fridge. “I honestly still can’t believe they haven’t given up with this whole ‘Tegan’ thing. I mean, we’ve been friends for years now and people still think we’re trying to keep it a secret.”

“The best relationships are the ones that were ‘just friends’ before.” Jaden said, waving his finger in the air as if it was making his point more legitimate.

“Okay, so ignoring this whole thing,” I began, getting up from the couch and grabbing my purse. “I’m going to film an episode of Casey’s podcast and knowing us, we’ll probably start drinking and end up talking for hours but in the meantime, you guys can stay here...do not trash my house and what...meet up for dinner later?” Receiving multiple nods from the boys, I grabbed my keys and headed over to Casey’s.

---

“Here we are with another episode of Chatting with Casey. I’m actually doing pretty well with weekly uploads...it also helps that no one can really do much else with their lives so I pretty much always have guests ready and available. So for today’s guest, we have the one and only...Regan Cross! Welcome! Now if you don’t know who Regan is, I don’t know where you’ve been for the past three years that she’s been blowing up but she’s a YouTuber who dabbles in makeup, challenges, vlogs, all that good stuff and she’s also one of my best friends.”

“Why is it that I could sit in a room with you and be totally fine, talk for hours but as soon as we start recording an episode, I get extremely nervous.” I said, laughing as my heart rate picked up speed. My voice was shaky and I just knew that I was about to say more than one stupid thing in this episode.

“It’s because you know I’m going to get down to your deepest secret because that’s just simply what I’m good at.” Taking a deep breath in, I couldn’t help but laugh at the mischievous smile on Casey’s face and I just knew I was in for a wild time.

---

“I’ve never really thought about it, I guess.” I said into the mic. We had been recording the episode for about an hour now and so far, it seemed to be going well. Casey had asked fans to send in some questions if we ended up running out of things to talk about and of course, the number one trending question came up. “It always just kind of seemed...platonic, in a way.”

“So you’re sitting here saying if Tayler wanted to try it out, you’d say no?” Casey asked with a look of disbelief on her face.

Thinking about my friendship with Tayler, it wasn’t ever something I questioned. We’d only known each other for a couple of years now but we’ve spent every day together since. He was my best friend and not once did I ever think he could be more than that.

“I wouldn’t have to say no because he’d never want to try it out.” I said, laughing as Casey rolled her eyes. “Okay, hear me out. The reason I’m saying this is because there’s never been one of ‘those’ moments, you know? Those moments where you’re questioning everything about your relationship with that person. Those moments where everything changes for you. Those moments where everything from there on out means something more. With Tayler, I could never see that happening. And don’t get me wrong, he’s obviously attractive but that level of interest is not there...for either of us.”

“You’ve really never thought about him like that...?” Casey questioned. I understood why she was so hesitant to believe me but I really was telling the truth.

“No.” I explained, shaking my head. Everybody always wanted something more between me and Tayler and I see why they’d think that but Tayler really is just a friend. “I’ve never wanted to explore a romantic relationship with him and that’s the honest truth.” I said, raising my right hand as if I was swearing to tell the truth in a court of law.

Nodding her head, I knew she’d drop the conversation...the conversation about Tayler, that is. “So then, if the answer to the question is not Tayler, let me ask you again. Out of the boys we hangout with, that being Hype, Sway, whatever, who would you rather marry?

Playing with the heart pendant on my neck;ace, I could feel myself becoming more nervous with every passing minute. I don’t know if I should be completely honest with all of Casey’s listeners and then some, or if I should lie through my teeth and just say someone completely random.

Taking a sip of my drink, I figured I knew the best way to go.

“Noah Beck.”

[just-my-type-x]

Confessions-Noah Beck Part 2

It was an early morning. Our filming schedule was modified a few days ago and all the actors have to be on set before 9 o*clock. I always got along with the early days of filming or the late nights of hectic scenes that had to be shot even at 4 AM,but these past days have been so tiring. I kept thinking about Noah and i still couldn*t understand why he acted like that ,but i made up my mind and chose to ask him what is going on. I made myself a venti Starbucks cup of frappuccino and headed to my car. As i sat down,i rang Kio.knowing he*s the only member who doesn*t silence his phone in case of emergencies.

*Hi sleepy head*, i greeted him and waited for him to answer,but he yawned. It was the only answer i needed to see that i woke him up. *I*m sorry i woke you up boy,but can you help me just a second?*

*So you woke me up from the sweetest sleep just for a second? I might kill you for that.*, he laughed and the thought of Kio being my best friend in the entire house was a blessing,he always helps me and i always help him,we*re always there for each other and we are each other*s pain in the ass. I don*t know i would do without him. *Tell me,what is it that you need before 8 am?*

*Can you please check if Noah is at home? I don*t wanna come by your house for nothing.*, i took a sip from my drink and i started to get a little dizzy because of this whole pressure i*ve been experiencing ever since all my conversations with Noah were swear words and sarcastic comments.

*He*s in the kitchen,apperantly. Wanna ask him if he called an uber?*, kio offered and i agreed. *And he*s waiting for you apparently. You can come and pick Mr Problem from home. Yo,Beck, your uberista is coming. Don*t be a dick again*, i heard Kio comment and i told him to cut it,because i didn*t want him to have problems with his friend because of me.

i hung up and started my engine,heading to the sway house.

When i arrived,Noah was outside,looking for my car to appear in front of him. I opened the doors and waited for him to hop in. No one said anything. I didn*t want to be the only one trying to save our friendship. The thing was that i felt awkward next to  him. In the past weeks i only thought of how everything will be ok again and also maybe there could be something more going on between the two of us, but i*m only getting my hopes up. I thought that now that we start filming love scenes and our characters actually end up together ,we might get together at some point. Or at least try. But now,i*m the one crushing and he*s the boy that i don*t have a chance with.

*can we talk?*, i asked in the end and stopped in a truck parking lot.

*we got nothing to talk about Brooke.*, he said bluntly and i scoffed

*Yeah we do Beck. Why are you acting like this?*

*I*m social distancing from you.*, he glared at me and i frowned.

*I can see that,don*t you think? But what made you do that?*

Silence fell between us once again. He sighed and kept looking out the window,making sure to avoid me at all costs. I did the same and finally understood that there*s no place for our at least friendship and that my thoughts of a real romance is not going to happen. I started the engine and when i got close to leaving,Noah finally spoke.

*Ok look*,he finally looked at me and his sparkling eyes were looking deep into mine. *Let*s get this over with. The only thing i want you to know is that from this conversation,we either make up or never talk again.*

i freezed and took a long breathe. *Ok,speak*

*Remember our pool day ? The one after the 4th episode,i don*t remember clearly*,he paused and waited for my answer. I nodded. *Remember what we talked about? How you and Blake had all that touching moments and Bryce said how you made out in the pool that he was actually surprised that you two didn*t bang,nor you started a relationship? I mean that was pretty rough for me to find out since i*m crushing on you like crazy.* ,Noah hit the board and i flinched. I remained silenced as i remembered what happened. it was a celebration for our 4th episode as number one worldwide on netflix and we threw a party that escalated quickly. Noah was not there that night,he was back with his family ,resolving some problems. I got drunk,along with the other guys and girls and having fun with Blake didn*t sound wrong,especially since my feelings for Noah weren*t quite there yet.

*Oh my God*,was all i could say

*Yeah...and seeing you two in the kitchen,hugged in that way,tore me to pieces. That*s why i was such an asshole. But i guess we both know where we*re at right now. I*m in love with you,you*re with Blake,there we go,we*re late for filming our love scenes,damn i love my life*

*Noah i like you*

[hyperfocus-museum]

Tori Vega

As someone who is very new to Victorious, having just watched it for the first time at the end of February and nearing the end of a third re-watch now, I have a lot of thoughts about Tori. 

When I watched the show for the first time, I’ll be honest. I hated Tori. I went into the show as a Jade stan, having watched plenty of compilations and listened to others’ opinions on her which, as a very suggestible person, definitely influenced the way I saw her. Then I read a lot of stuff on both sides of the debate and decided to re-watch the show objectively. 

Y’all.

Y’all. 

Tori Vega doesn’t deserve all of the hate she gets. She doesn’t deserve hate at all, as a matter of fact. This is going to focus in mainly on Jade and Tori since most of the hatred for Tori seems to stem from her treatment of Jade which, as I’ll show, has its’ reasons.

To start from the beginning: the stage kiss with Beck in the pilot. 

The first thing one has to remember is that Tori literally did nothing to Jade. She accidentally bumped into Beck and was trying to make up for her mistake by attempting to get the coffee stain out. Sure, she had a brain glitch at the cute boy smiling at her, who wouldn’t, especially when you’re touching their chest? 

Jade completely overreacted, as she often does; making Tori play a dog should have been punishment enough, but pouring coffee over the head of a new girl in her first minutes at a new school is just cruel and unnecessary. 

The stage kiss? Not Tori’s finest moment but it was her standing up to a bully. It was her way of telling Jade that she wouldn’t be pushed around and, if we want to point fingers, what about Beck? Tori owed Jade nothing at that point; nothing. She didn’t even know anything about her but her name and the fact that she was overly possessive of Beck. 

Beck, however, has been dating Jade for almost two years. He should know her insecurities, how jealous she gets, and he could have easily refused the kiss because he should have known that it would hurt Jade.

But instead, Jade and most of the fandom seem to lay all of the blame at Tori’s feet. I’ve only ever seen one person (publicly, at least) point out that Beck is really the one at fault in this instance and that’s really sad, honestly. And it’s a recurring problem throughout the series, people blaming Tori for things that either aren’t her fault or that she tries to make amends over as soon as she realizes what she’s done. 

In fact, there’s only one instance I can remember where she was in the wrong but didn’t apologize, and honestly, even it’s understandable. Let’s skip ahead and talk about Prome Wrecker, shall we?

Prome Wrecker is a really misjudged episode, in my opinion. People act as though Tori deliberately set out to ruin Jade’s performance, but she didn’t. Honestly, Jade sabotaged herself. Imagine being a playwright and gathering tons of supplies and putting loads of preparation into a performance, including printing out flyers, but not booking the space. 

Now, I’m not saying that Tori was in the right to insist on having her prome, but I’m sure we can all agree that the experience taught Jade something about responsibility. 

And, the truth of the matter is, sometimes Tori fights back and it’s usually when Jade comes in, guns blazing, demanding that Tori do something. Just off the top of my head, I can give you this episode and Brain Squeezers as an example. Tori has anger problems, this is canon. She hulks out sometimes and does things she’ll later regret, this is also canon. This episode is one of those times. 

Jade comes in, even more antagonistic than usual, and orders Tori to cancel her prome. Tori gets pissed and refuses and then Jade does everything she can to sabotage the actual prome.

Where am I going with this? Simple: the reason that Tori never apologizes to Jade about this is because Jade never gives her a chance to feel bad about it. Rather, Jade is constantly pushing the issue and stoking the flames of her anger without giving her a chance to settle down and think about it rationally. 

They’re both at fault here. 

Honestly, I could go on and on but this is probably long enough. 

But I do wanna say one more thing. 

Tori Vega coming to Hollywood Arts is the best thing that could have happened to Jade West.

“No one talks to me like that!” 

“Obviously someone should.”

The truth about Jade West is that, as much as she hates it, she needs someone to challenge her, to call her out on her bullshit and to fight back. 

She is surrounded by yes men; even her own boyfriend is frustratingly patronizing and lets her get away with murder. Everyone is too scared of her to fight back and so she stays bitter and cruel and mean and with no one she can really count on... until Tori comes along. 

Tori isn’t afraid to fight back; she doesn’t just sit there and take Jade’s abuse, but she doesn’t try to change her either. She accepts Jade the way she is but still believes she can be a better person. 

And that, my friends, is why it’s Tori that Jade chooses to go to in Jade Dumps Beck. She’s hurting and in desperate need of help and she chose Tori. Ever wonder why? Well. 

Tori is the only person Jade’s ever pushed who didn’t go. She’s the only person who fought back against her cruelty with kindness, who dared to tell Jade West that she could be nice to her sometimes. She’s the only person who hasn’t met Jade’s intimidation tactics with fear but with kindness and understanding instead, even when she has every reason in the world to hate her. 

Jade knows that she can go to Tori and be herself in a way that she can’t with anyone else because Tori’s proven that she can be trusted, whether Jade likes it or not. She can take off her mask with her and still feel safe. 

And, by the end of the series, the better person we see Jade becoming? 

That’s all Tori’s influence and encouragement and the way that she believes in her. 

Tori Vega is absolutely, 110% the influence Jade West needed in her life and the entire show really is about their journey. I’m just forever sad that it was cut short. 

In conclusion, now that this has turned into my usual ADHD mess of a ramble, Tori Vega is no angel but she doesn’t deserve 99% of the hate she gets for being the protagonist of a kid’s show. She makes mistakes, sure, but she almost always apologizes and tries to fix them. So much of what she gets blamed for is misplaced blame at its’ worst and it feels like Jade blaming her for them getting locked behind the lasers in Wanko’s Warehouse to me. 

Try watching Victorious through objective eyes next time, paying extra attention to Tori. She just might surprise you. 

And, all of this being said, if you just don’t like her because you think she’s boring or any other reason, that’s fair. This post isn’t directed at you.This post is for the people who will see Beck kiss a girl in front of his overly jealous and possessive girlfriend and blame the girl. This is for the people who think Jade West can do no wrong even though she almost (and should have, realistically speaking) killed Tori over a stupid lead in a play. 

I love Jade, I really do; she’s my favorite character but she’s a terrible human being. I’m just sick of her getting away with all the shit she does to Tori and the second Tori fights back, she’s getting hated on. It’s not fair. 

Victorious isn’t made up of perfect characters, far from it. Tori has her faults as much as the rest of them, but somehow she gets all of the hate and I just had to say something. 

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk, please help yourself to cookies and Wahoo Punch on your way out.

[aliensandartifacts]

Melania

Mel heard her TA, Gretchen, cough, possibly choking on her coffee, before she’d even looked up at Clint who was sitting in the front row.  “I...I mean Dr. LaVeau…sorry...sorry, Doctor.  LaVeau.  I forgot.” The Freshman quickly corrected as Mel’s eyes raised to pin him, her face still looking down at her notes on the lectern that her laptop was perched on.

They’d been in the middle of a lecture on her excavation in Peru that had been with Devlin McCormick and Danforth Jones decades in the past when Clint had interjected.  He was young, he was eager, and he often tried Mel’s patience.   Part of that was that he seemed to have an innate sense of picking up on the truths about things hidden in plain sight, whether they be about aliens or the supernatural.  Once he did get a hold of one of those, he was hard to get off of that topic.   Something told her that he would one day be working for her, or alongside her.

“Better, Clint.” A smirk formed on her face as she stepped from behind the lectern and over in front of the table that was up on the riser that she was on.   There were almost 100 students in her lecture and she knew them almost all by name because this lecture class actually wanted to be there.  They had discussions and were interactive, and she knew that if she tried to swing the discussion back where it had been going that they’d all be wondering why she didn’t answer Clint’s question.  Sliding to sit on the table, she crossed her feet at the ankles and let her high heel clad feet swing slightly.  “And yes, I did catch that episode last night.  Although I don’t believe that everything unexplained or unknown is,”  she brought her hands up in dramatic fashion and leaned forward, “***ALIENS!***”  The class all laughed at the slight crazed expression on her face  and the way she duplicated Giorgio Tsoukalos’ mannerisms as she said it. Mel chuckled as she sat upright and looked around the class again.  “Okay, so seriously, you know I do watch those and I also happen to enjoy a good binge on everyone’s favorite hot nerd:  Josh Gates.  Folklore and mythos all have some basis in reality but that doesn’t mean that everything is aliens, ghosts, or some supernatural creature.  There are real world explanations for many things that the people who came up with those mythos just did not understand.  However,”  she uncrossed her legs and leaned forward, placing her hands on either side of her thighs to hold prop herself up as she faced her class, “there are things that are unexplained.  And there are jellyfish, which I firmly believe are examples of alien life.” 

From there the discussion returned to the show that Clint had mentioned and Mel’s thoughts on it.  Areas she agreed, areas she disagreed, and her own personal observations having been to the site as both a tourist and a professional.  She engaged the class, challenged them, and in some cases flat out disagreed and pointed out areas where their logic and facts were flawed and wrong.  There were many areas where she admitted there was not evidence and that answers could not be found.  Could it be aliens?  Maybe.  Could it just be that modern man was looking at things with minds that were over complicating it?  Also possible.  It was hard to go back into the past and look through the eyes of those who lived then and know what exactly they were seeing and why they thought things should be done a certain way or how they necessarily did them.  At the end of time, she left them with a few thoughts and a promise that next time they WERE going to get through the lecture that they had skipped out on this time before sliding off and stretching her long denim clad legs and watching her students prepare to head out.

After telling Gretchen she’d see her in her office later in the day, Mel headed back to the lectern to shut down her laptop and get things packed up to head back out into the frey of the symposium attendees and try to make it back to her office in one piece.  She might once more take the back halls and tunnels after hearing her students talk about their experiences. Just as she had deposited her laptop into her messenger bag she saw a gentleman making his way to the front that she knew wasn’t one of her students, too old, but seemed to have something on his mind.

“Dr. Melania LaVeau.  Is there something I can help you with?”  She greeted him with an intrigued smile before he made it to the front of the lecture hall.

Tristan

He finished walking down the aisle and stood just out of handshake range.  “Just plain Tristan Beck.  I hope you don’t mind that I snuck in and listened.  I have a special place in my heart for anything Extraterrestrial.”  There was an awkward few minutes while he worked up the nerve to continue.  Since she outranked him in the education department, he decided to treat her like he would the principal of the high school he taught at.  “From one teacher  to another, I liked the way you handled the kid that asked the question.  I was just about to head up to the Astronomy symposium upstairs, but …”  He shrugged.  “I like Aliens.”  He blurted it out, much like someone might say they like mustard on their hot dogs.

Her laugh made him smile.  “Have you ever found anything in your research that made you pause and wonder if perhaps something or someone from a more complex universe had a hand in its creation?  The Nazca lines?  The Incan Calendar?  Okapi’s?”  At her blank stare he grinned.  “You know.  Giraffe’s only relative?  Looks like someone took a zebra and crossed it with said giraffe.”  That earned him another soft chuckle.

His phone pinged with an incoming message.  He looked down and his spirits  sank.  ~Tris, where are you?  Dr. Marks is about to talk and you’re not here.  Hurry up, there’s not many seats left and I’m thirsty!~

“Well, I gotta run. Apparently I’m not important enough to hold up a lecture on the possibility of planets that revolve around black holes.   I just wanted to thank you.  I enjoyed the lecture greatly.”  He didn’t hold out his hand for her to shake.  It was rude and stupid but he just couldn’t do it, so he smiled again and nodded as he turned away.

Melania

“Nice to meet you *just Tristan Beck*.”  Mel was almost chuckling as she called out to the intriguing gentleman as he started to head back toward the main aisle out of the lecture hall.  “You didn’t let me answer though,”  she paused as he looked back but continued to walk.  So she did have his attention.  Interesting. “Yes, I have.  I am a woman of science but I do believe we are not alone in the universe.  Aliens, spirits, paranormal, supernatural, I not only believe...I have seen proof.  Enjoy your lecture, but if you want to talk more, I’m one building over,”  she pointed in the direction that the building her office was in was located.  “Third floor.  If you can’t find it, ask where the Voodoo Princess Archaeologist is located.  I’m kinda famous over there.” She gave him a wink and saw his brows slightly draw together and that made her laugh again.  “You better hurry.  I’ve heard it’s a madhouse out there.”  She gave him a bright smile as he headed out. Shaking her head, she turned back and slung her messenger back up and over, crosswise over her body.  Deciding that she wasn’t wanting to brave the horde of symposium attendees and LSU students out in the atrium, she took the back door out of the lecture hall that would lead down to the tunnels that connected the buildings underground and were accessible only to faculty and staff.  One of the perks of the jobs, quick exits.

A few minutes later and she was up on the third floor and in her office, a new pot of Blue Mountain coffee started and her feet propped up on her trash can under her desk as she booted her laptop up to see what new and interesting excuses her students would have for wanting to turn in assignments late.   Behind her lining the built-in shelves were the many books on archaeology, history, and other various topics she found of interest along with various artifacts that she had legally collected over the years.  Some of what was on the shelves were painstaking reproductions of artifacts that she had discovered that had been respectfully turned over to the proper authorities, but which she wanted to commemorate discoveries that held significance.  There were days that she would look at many of them fondly.

About an hour after she had arrived back in her office, she received a Zoom call from a colleague who was doing an excavation with a team in Israel.  Mel pulled back her long, wavy, dark brown hair in a high ponytail to keep it out of her face at the beginning of the call.  As normal, she frequently gestured with her hands as she talked.  Her silver toned rings caught the light and the colors of the items in the room as her fingers flexed and moved.  A few of the rings had stones in them that coordinated with what she had on.  This day it was pink jasper and lapis, matching the creamy pink of her sweater and the dark blue of her jeans.  On her right thumb was a teardrop shaped amber ring that was made from a piece she had personally found and was mounted in a setting that appeared antique.  It was the most elegant piece that she had on, and one that she wore daily.  Rarely did she wear gold, and seldom gemstones of any kind unless attending a formal function.

She had just ended the call and refilled her “Forensic Anthropologist:  I’d find you much more interesting if you were dead.” coffee mug when there was a knock on the door.  “Come in, but you better have chocolate with you!”  Mel teasingly called as she spun her purple and yellow LSU Secretlab gaming chair back around.  “OH! Oops, sorry, I thought you were a student.”  Mel laughed when she saw who it was.  “Come on in, no chocolate required as an offering this time.”

[realchemistry]

We gotta talk about YOU

See what I did there?

I just watched the thing and now I gotta have some words.

Like, first of all, season 1 traumatized me. I legit finished it at night and went to bed just thinking of how awful the world is and just hating everyone.

And how could I not? But I hated one the most.

Joe Goldberg is one crazy fucker. Penn is an amazing bae always, but Joe is a crazy stalker who needs to be stopped. I don’t care about his childhood trauma, I just care about Beck. Beck was imperfect, SURE, we all are, hello! But nothing will ever justify what was done to her. Ever. The fact that she was not what Joe wanted her to be... like, I can’t even count all the ways in which I can explain why that train of thought is fucking awful and invalid.

Paco, for example, is a little someone Joe could control. Sure, Paco needed help and was lovely, but his interactions with Joe did not make Joe a better person. It was Joe feeding his brain with, “I’m good” thoughts. All clearly ridiculous thoughts for him to have, seeing as he was “doing good” for his own benefit to try to forget the murderer part.

Karen is another good being, I was just so fucking glad she got away before it was too late. Dr. Nicky... Oh, Stamos, I will never like you because ER but he was actually great in this role and was hella fucked in the end.

And then came season 2... And Los Angeles made, in retrospect, New York feel all the more like a character from season 1 because its absence was felt as everything changed so much with LA: not just the cinematography but the pace and just all the many new faces.

Oh, Love, what to say about you? After two minutes of Victoria’s BUILD interview, I decided that she must be protected at all cost. Love, though? Love is not to be protected. I mean, Victoria is super cute and she has a bright smile and you fall for her because you see her like Joe does: behind the money and privilege, she’s broken and carrying a terrible family. Of course then you find out that she let Forty think he had killed his abuser when she’d done it, and then, when you think she might have killed Candace thinking her to be the “crazy ex” trying to set Joe up, THEN, you see Love not caring about what Joe is confessing and it’s all a big mindfuck. Yet, it makes complete sense. Love was presented to us in a way that made her the perfect match for Joe, but the definition of that is different for us, the audience, and Joe. It was awesome TV, gotta say, and a repeat of Joe and Beck in that the idealization of women in Joe’s mind never ends well.

I loved Delilah. LOVED HER. And Love killed her. I was so furious, like I knew Delilah wasn’t gonna make it, cause OG Will had already somehow managed to (for now, at least). And then I sorta knew it hadn’t been Joe, but I just couldn’t figure out who the fuck had done it, like, Love killed Delilah, HOW DARE SHE? Leave Ellie all alone, after all the cooking and shit? And then Love’s pregnant? LIKE, WHAT? And Joe’s actually scared of her, as if he were an innocent bunny? And then goes on to stalk the neighbor? What a sicko!

You know the only time I ever felt iffy about Love was when I thought that they were gonna have her and Forty enact a Cruel Intentions sibling-rivarly because of Joe. That didn’t happen, not exactly, but it wasn’t that far either if you think about it. I legit thought Forty was gay and the character that he was gonna introduce as his partner was gonna be OG Will instead of Candace. And that he was gonna be interested in Will/Joe romantically... which, I mean, he kinda was, textually and subtextually. But Fincher, who did nothing wrong ever in his life (except for that time he didn’t answer the phone fast enough and then arrested Ellie), killed Forty, who did a lot of wrong but also figured shit out and then no one fucking believed him. 

Every single person murdered/killed deserved better (except for Henderson, duh! And like, I feel that Peach was a Joe-in-the-making, but she wasn’t there yet), and if anyone ever goes, “sure, but...” I will fucking report you to the police or something. There’s no but here. These are terrible people doing terrible things. It makes for terrific TV, but they are not and cannot be justified EVER.

While the first season felt less grey (like Joe says, LOL and EW), this one made a better job at selling that Joe was trying to be a good person. The first episode was not fooling anyone, but we were exposed to the mind of a man saying he’s trying to be better and positioning Candace as a threat to his progress for the whole season, while also seeing Candace lying and manipulating to make her way back into Joe’s fake new life. She’s the bad girl narratively speaking, which is fascinating because she obviously isn’t bad at all. Yet, all the beats are there, so I had to keep realigning my thoughts so that I was rooting for her to succeed, in spite of what the show was telling me. For example, it was impossible not to think that Candace should‘ve done things differently, gone to the cops, or expose Joe’s crimes using the media, or-or-or. We are so immersed in the world that Joe painted for us that if we aren’t careful, we might end up rooting for Joe and blaming Candace for her own death.

I think Penn or someone said, in one of the many interviews I’ve seen, that women are punished, men are forgiven. Ain’t that the awful truth? People go ahead and try to justify it, ~see it from Joe’s POV, or get angry at him only when he rejected his ~true equal and not when he goes around killing innocent people... This is exactly why the first season was so disturbing to me. I felt so much despair. This is all happening, men are this awful and people go out of their way to hide and/or justify all the bad. It’s a huge deal, and I’m hoping that, beyond the entertainment aspect of it, this show will make people talk about the right and real things that it is trying to showcase which are happening all around.

[imagine-loki]

Atlas: Space, Mercury

TITLE: Atlas: Space

CHAPTER NO./ONE-SHOT: 2/12

AUTHOR: fanfictrashdump

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine narrating episodes of Loki’s life with the Avengers based on the songs from Sleeping At Last’s “Atlas: Space” album. 

RATING: T-M

NOTES/WARNINGS: Welcome to my Sleeping At Last’s Atlas: Space challenge, aka Another writing project I do not have time for, but my brain insisted on doing.

This series will be less like a multichapter fic and more of a one-shot compendium, but that they all interconnect in one way or another. It will revolve around Loki and Becca’s relationship (Taking Turns, Glow, Helmet Heists–don’t worry, more Loki-Charlie stuff will be along) and I will use those one-shots as reference to the timeline. Each chapter will be one song, used as inspiration for the story.

Warnings include: language, maybe, and morally grey debates about killing bad guys, angst (so much angst), and a thoroughly confused Loki.

Chapter 2: Mercury

Summary: Becca did not expect to feel this way after her first official mission. Loki did not expect to care how she felt, one way or another. Takes place after Helmet Heists.

=

“Heya, Lokes. How’s it going?”

Loki looked up, brow furrowed in a calculating expression. Tony Stark was not one to casually strike up a conversation with him unless it was of the utmost importance and he had no other choice. Therefore, the almost cheery way he had plopped himself down beside him on the couch was a matter of extreme curiousness.

Loki was having none of it.

“What is this?”

“I only asked how you were?” Tony sounded unsure, put looked all around innocent until he let out a long puff of air that made his cheeks inflate. “OK, I wanted to ask you how Becks was.”

Loki rolled his eyes and turned the page on his book, his attention now on the tight script before him. “I daresay she’s your employee, Stark, not mine. Why would I know?”

“Maybe because she’s the only person you talk to, and you’d be able to tell if she were OK. And the fact that you’ve been sticking to her like glue since we got back from the Hellhole. I don’t know, it gives me the inkling that you do, indeed, know.”

Stark wasn’t wrong.

Rebecca was the only human that Loki seemed to find bearable most of the time. She wasn’t loud or brash or mindless. Her taste in literature wasn’t half bad, either.

But she was human. And mortal. And beneath him.

For the longest time, he had tried not to get too attached, but this last mission certainly became a turning point in their relationship. It wasn’t bad, per se. They understood each other’s body language in a way that only two introverts could, and they worked together well as a team, but… she was so soft and innocent and everything he was most certainly not. Loki tended to scoff and ridicule humans such as this, not attempt to ensure their safety and their ongoing wellbeing, even after the fact.

Those eyes, though…

“Lokes?” Apparently Loki had been silent for much longer than was considered normal. He tended to do that a lot, as of late, always in relation to that dreary mortal.

Loki shifted uncomfortably at the memory of Becca’s eyes on the jet ride back. “I would say she takes issue with the moral ambiguity of killing an enemy. Regardless of whether or not they deserved it.”

Rows of houses Sound asleep Only streetlights Notice me

He nearly wanted to laugh at himself. Taking issue was probably the understatement of the year.

More than once, while he was doing his nightly walks, he would find Becca on the roof, staring at the world below–at the forests, the darkness, at the nothingness. She would stand, shivering in the night air, as she tried to make out shapes in the inky black abyss. It would take him two or three mentions of her name to rouse her from contemplative stupor. And, even then, Loki could tell she was not all there.

She always smiled, pushing through the oppressive chaos in her head and ask him about his day. As if she had not been fixing to fall apart a second before.

Damn her and her empathy.

I am desperate If nothing else In a holding pattern To find myself

I talk in circles I talk in circles I watch for signals For a clue

More than once he had swallowed whatever irritation would bubble to the surface in an effort to get her talking. Instead of his usually acidic demands for her to get on with it, he simply nodded in what he hoped was an encouraging manner and waited for her to spill her thoughts, as repetitive as they were. Not that he could blame her.

He remembered the first time he had killed something. He was seven. It had been a rabbit while on a hunt. He cried for three days, afterwards, until an Einherjar had scoffed and told him that was how life worked and he needed to accept it. Loki hadn’t cried when that particular soldier did not come home from a siege in Vanaheim a hundred years later. Nor for the hundreds that had been lost in battles, since. What was the point? Creatures lived and died, sometimes by his blade. That was life.

How to feel different How to feel new Like science fiction Bending truth

“Why do you keep asking that, Loki?” She had whined, pulling the edges of his cloak, which he had laid over her bare shoulders to shield her against the wind. He had asked if she was doing alright. “You know I’m physically fine. You made sure of that.”

He had not meant to inquire after her physical well-being, and Becca very well knew that. She also knew that he would die a fiery death before insisting “but, how do you feel?” Loki had made an annoyed noise and stormed off with the intention to hide in his room. He had doubled back, halfway there, only to watch her wipe away tears from the corners of her eyes when she thought herself alone. He still went back to his room, but he felt like a rock was lodged in his stomach all the way there.

“Could you do me a favor and keep an eye on her? She’s been really jumpy and anxious at work, but she keeps telling me she’s fine.” Tony sighed. “I just worry about her, man.”

Loki offered a sympathetic look, despite his initial reaction to sneer back at the Iron Man. Breaking old habits was hard. “I know. I will.”

No one can unring this bell Unsound this alarm, unbreak my heart new God knows I am dissonance Waiting to be swiftly pulled into tune

The Asgardian prince had found his friend in a hidden corner of the library. It looked like she had started to read one of the many tomes on Asgardian technology he had lent her, before her mind betrayed her. Becca was staring straight in front of her, brown eyes empty of any emotion yet full of doubts and insecurities.

“Rebecca.” His whisper clapped like thunder in the eerie silence of the library.

She snapped out of her trance and offered him a smile. “Sorry, did you say something, Lo?”

Gods above, help me.

Loki sighed, pulling a chair beside her and sinking down. Even seated, he was still significantly taller than her, but she found that she felt a little less nervous when he tried to get on her level. It was a kindness, she knew, but the concern buried deep in his gaze did little to make her feel better. If anything, she felt worse. If she had stayed in the jet, if she had followed directions, who would she be today? Could she be able to sleep? Could she stop waking up in cold sweats at all hours of the morning?

“Dearest, talk to me.” The use of pet names were few and far between with Loki. He much preferred calling anyone “hey, you” or “imbecile come here”. So the use of a term of endearment…

Did she really look in that dire a state?

“Tony sent you, huh?” Becca thought she might as well deflect until he felt uncomfortable. That usually worked.

“No, I sent myself,” he assured, frowning. The expression he received in exchange screamed you’ve gotta be kidding me. “Though Tony expressed interest in also knowing how you were,” he admitted and Becca rolled her eyes. Swallowing whatever shard of emotion that was attempting to convince him to let the whole thing go, he craned his neck until his gaze  could easily fix on hers. “You cannot go on like this, you know it. You cannot keep replaying scenarios in hopes of finding a loophole to villainize yourself with.”

I know the further I go The harder I try, only keeps my eyes closed And somehow I’ve fallen in love With this middle ground at the cost of my soul

Becca groaned, the sincerity in his voice making the pit in her stomach grow larger. The edges of her perfectly crafted calmness began to fray and she was sure that the god could easily feel it unraveling under his stare. “It can’t be this simple, Loki.” She couldn’t live her life without feeling guilty, she meant. Surely, she had to spend the rest of eternity purging herself of these demons before she could allow herself even a morsel of comfort. If not, was she not just a monster? 

Loki chuckled drily, placing a hand on her shoulder and its weight felt like a welcome balm to her shot nerves. “Who said anything about simple? You took lives. Nothing about that is simple. Believe me, I understand. But, on rare occasions, the ends do justify the means.”

Her head fell, hanging between her shoulders in a sign of defeat she should have never had to deal with. Stark shouldn’t have asked her to come on the mission, but she saved ten of the two dozen from dying in battle due to faults in their equipment. She saved him from what she thought was certain death (and might have been). Her heart was too good for this dark, sludgy world of his, he knew.

He wanted to hate it, to scoff at her naivety, at her hopefulness for the rotting lump that was her world. He couldn’t. He craved it, instead, and wondered how he had ever lived his thousand plus years without that little beacon of hope.

His chest hurt. Loki supposed that was the place his heart was meant to be, and the phantom organ had clenched at her tears, once she had managed to face him again.

She sniffed. “I don’t know if I can live with that.”

Yet I know, if I stepped aside Released the controls you would open my eyes That somehow, all of this mess Is just my attempt to know the worth of my life In precious metals

“I can,” he said simply. The surety of his voice and the clear lack of remorse made her something inside her feel warm like lava, rather than a fireplace’s hearth. She shuddered at his set expression and the glimmer of bloodlust in his stare. “I would have killed a hundredfold more, if it meant bringing you back safe. I will never live to regret that.” Loki was surprised to find that none of these words were a lie. He didn’t want her dead. He wanted her to thrive. He wanted her not to feel this gnawing emptiness that followed the taking of life. “You are my friend and you’re worth many more than that.”

“I don’t think that’s true, but thanks, anyway,” she muttered.

“Would I lie to you?” Never in his life had he wished for someone to ignore his nature and reply in the negative, than he did right now.

Becca’s mouth twisted in a reluctant smile. “Absolutely.” His heart clenched again, and this time there was no doubt about it. “But I don’t think you are.”

A long stretch of silence encompassed them.

“I want to return.”

“Return?” He frowned.

“To the field.” She sighed, pulling her shoulders back and sitting up straight. He had seen that pose before, when she was resolute to solve an issue or dissect a conundrum. He saw it when she had run from the jet and skidded to a stop beside him. “The reason I’ve been feeling so miserable is that fact that I feel awful about what I’ve done, but I can’t ever leave you guys out there alone, again. Not after what I’ve seen. And I’ve never felt this conflicted.”

“It’s what we signed up for, dove,” he assured, tucking a strand of her long brown hair behind her ear with incredible gentleness. “You needn’t worry about us. We’ll be perfectly fine as long as you’re there to greet us back.”

“That’s like telling me I don’t have to worry about the sky suddenly turning green. I’m going to do it, anyway.” Becca wasn’t sure why, but she followed up his silent question. “I’m going to get my training certifications back up-to-date, log in some time on local raids, and I’m joining missions.”

“Darling, you don't–”

“I’m going back! That’s final!” Becca snapped so loudly that Loki jumped, startled, and leaned back ever so slightly.

He blinked a few times to live down his surprise and offered her a nod. “Then, I will dutifully follow.” He smirked, nudging her side playfully. “Someone has to keep you alive.” Lest I attempt to destroy this pathetic planet, once more. 

He hated that this was his first thought, but he knew he would follow her to Helheim and back to see her through. He needed to protect that light, that shine, that glow. 

I’ll go anywhere you want me

[theredhairedmonkey]

Based on the response you gave in the last reblogged post, you said that Callum learns magic to "protect his loved ones." Isn't Rayla supposed to be the protector?

First off, thank you, anon, for being my very first question! I appreciate you had read what I had written about Callum, and came up with some of your own thoughts as well!

So, the simple answer to your question is: Yes, Rayla is certainly a protector. That doesn’t detract or contradict what I said about Callum wanting to protect his loved ones as well, which he absolutely does.

I think what you might be referring to is the fact that Rayla’s character arc is about her, being a trained instrument of death, realizing that being a protector of life feels much more right for her. Rayla realizing she wants to protect others is integral to her character’s journey.

It’s not integral to Callum’s for one simple reason: he’s always been protective, particularly of his loved ones.

In fact, his character arc is an inversion of Rayla’s--Rayla is already a skilled warrior, but is trying to figure out what she wants to do with those skills.

But for Callum, protecting his loved ones is part of who he is. And who can blame him? He lost his father, his mother, and stepfather, and almost lost his brother and the love of his life on several occasions each. He’s going to want to protect the people he has left.

Callum’s arc involved developing the ability to defend others, the kind of ability Rayla takes for granted.

This was the case from the very first episode: when Callum finds out that assassins are coming to kill his step-dad, the very next scene he shows up ready to go with Soren to attack them.

Why? Because he must.

He’s in ceremonial armor, which would only weigh him down without doing much to protect him from an assassin’s blade. He knows he can barely hold a sword and has fallen off every horse he’s ridden (a streak he was not about to break that day). While his stepfather is an accomplished warrior, with some of the best fighters in the Five Kingdoms at his beck and call. Callum could do very little to defend him, and would probably wind up getting killed if he tried to.

It did not matter to him. He was going to try and protect his father, because to Callum, that’s simply what you do for the people you love.

This also does a good job highlighting the fact that it doesn’t matter their relative skill level. Just because King Harrow is a warrior and Callum is not won’t deter the precocious 14-year old. If you’re important to him, he’ll defend you with his life.

It’s for this reason that it initially bothers him that he’s “always been bad at everything,” or “can’t do anything,” or that without magic, he’s “nothing.” These are obviously untrue assertions (something that Rayla, Ezran, Ellis, and others never believed were true). But while Callum knows he’s good at some things (he’s very confident about his artistic abilities, for instance), he didn’t think he was good at anything that would protect the people in his life.

Notably, Ezran.

When he jumped into a frozen lake, Callum’s first instinct was to go after him.

Ezran is probably the main reason Callum is this way. He always had to take care of his little brother, and knowng that he was going to be king meant knowing just how much support and protection he would have to be prepared to give him.  

For his entire life, he was likely preparing for that responsibility. As Harrow tells him:

This probably isn’t the first time Harrow told Callum something along these lines. It was always expected of him to advise and to protect Ezran, both as his brother and later as his King. As a result, Callum grew up becoming attentive and protective of him.

And, when he fell in love with Rayla, we seem him become noticeably more attentive and protective of her too.

He rushes to her when she’s unconscious.

And when the battle against Viren’s army is over, Callum barely takes a moment before his thoughts immediately turn to Rayla’s safety and well-being.

You can see in his gaze right there, that he’s worried about her. What if something had happened? What if something is wrong? Callum ponders. He doesn’t take a breath or rest on his laurels, instead racing up the Storm Spire to make sure she and Zym are safe and sound.

Rayla has certainly come a long way, and ended Book 3 as a hero and a protector. But for Callum, being protective comes naturally and instinctively, and it drives his pursuit to learn magic.

I said in a previous post that for Callum, learning magic has almost always come in response to a need, rather than a desire. His need to protect his loved ones drives his growing magical abilities.

Here’s what I mean:

While there are small exceptions, whenever Callum tries to learn magic for its own sake, he usually doesn’t get very far.

In Book 1, he runs into Claudia in the library, and brings up how interested he is in learning magic. But then she runs off without giving him any useful tips or advice.

In Book 2, Callum tries to learn Moon magic from Lujanne, but she rebuffs him.

In Book 3, Callum tries to learn Sky magic from Ibis. He tells Callum to leave.

But in each of these moments, he takes small pieces of information with him, and when he or his friends are in danger or need his help, the pieces click and he’s able to perform new magic.

The biggest moment is with his mage wings. When he tries to conjure them the first time, he can’t do it.

But when he’s trying to save Rayla, somehow, he can.

Part of this involves Callum being able to work well under pressure, but it also stems from the fact that his magical abilities develop in response to how much he needs them to.

He needs the aspiro spell to work to save the group from Claudia’s shadow dogs.

He needs to wake up from his coma.

He needs to save Rayla from falling to her death.

Callum is a very interesting microcosm of the Narrative of Love in action—his strength stems from love, and the need to protect that love. And yea, because of that’s tied to how he’s learned magic thus far, it’s likely going to continue to push him to learn as much as he can, perhaps becoming one of the most powerful characters in the show. Who knows?

I accidentally wrote a mini-meta here. Honestly, this answer deserves a much longer meta than I have time to write at the moment. I promise that it’s on my mind to flesh this topic out some more in the next few weeks (if I can hold your attention for that long). but the main takeaway should be that: Callum is a protector. He’s always been protective, and those instincts are what drive him to learn new magic, whether he’s aware of that or not.

That doesn’t take away from Rayla’s journey, nor does it imply their relationship isn’t a two-way street: they’ve both had to protect each other.

Because after all, that’s what you do for the people you love.

[tjkiahgb]

Episode Recap: 3.18, “Something to Talk A-Boot”

I got sent this almost immediately after people were able to stream the episode last night:

First of all, thank you, anon, for thinking of me.

But also, honestly? This entire episode feels like it was written specifically for me. TJ Kippen being a hashtag good boi? Check. A bunch of Tyrus scenes? Check. A couple of random, nonsense plots that I could make jokes about for days? Check and check!

The episode starts with Andi, Jonah, and Cyrus hanging out, waiting for Buffy.

Andi is dressed like she just walked out of a punk show in 1970s London for some reason.

Cyrus says Buffy’s on her way. She’s coming from an appointment. Andi’s like, but she’s not doing her hair until next week and Cyrus notes that she just had her teeth cleaned.

Jonah notes how they seem to know everything about Buffy and they’re like, yeah, we do.

And then Buffy comes hobbling over on crutches and with her foot in a boot and Andi and Cyrus look around in confusion.

So it’s that level of closeness where you know someone’s entire schedule but don’t pay attention to them complaining about their foot pain for weeks or notice them badly limping around places.

They ask her questions about this mystery injury. Buffy explains it’s a stress fracture she got because she tried to run a marathon on a dare.

Jonah asks her if she’s going to be able to still play basketball and Buffy’s like, yes...

And Jonah’s like, “Oh you know what I meant.”

At school the next day, Buffy walks the long way through the football field to class, when TJ shows up in a golf cart like an angel sent from the country club.

Buffy wants to know what he’s doing. He tells her he’s there to give her a ride to class, since apparently Jefferson offers no assistance to injured students.

“Can we offer a way to help incapacitated students get around the campus easier?” asks one of the teachers. “So they don’t risk further injury?”

“No, sorry,” says Metcalf, staring at rows and rows of hundreds of white rabbits locked in cages, each one labelled with the name of a student currently attending Jefferson. “There’s just no room in the budget.”

Buffy tells him how it stinks she hurt herself right before the last game of the season and now she can barely get around. So, he tells her, get in the golf cart already so he can get her to class. She does.

Making sure she uses a seatbelt on a vehicle that’s going no more than four miles per hour? I mean, talk about good behavior.

Later at the Spoon, Buffy talks about how far TJ has come. He used to be the worst but now he’s the best and, really, that’s like as far as you can go. That’s the whole span.

Cyrus is like, lemme just take this modeling pose...

...and put another point up on the scoreboard for the ol’ C-dog.

Behind them, Amber comes and dumps some girl’s food on the counter.

Andi notices and says it seems like Amber’s still struggling because she’s being a terrible waitress, but not in the normal way that she’s a terrible waitress.

Jonah’s like, you think this is my fault? Buffy’s like, I don’t think it’s an existential crisis. Jonah’s like, huh?

Well, sure, it could be that, but, if you’re not feeling artistic, it could also just be locking yourself in a dark room for several hours and crying. It could manifest a lot of different ways! Don’t limit your existential crises.

Amber comes over and asks to talk to Jonah.

Jonah apologizes for doing a bad job of breaking up but Amber doesn’t want to go back over all of that. She just wants one thing from Jonah: for him to leave. Don’t come to The Spoon because it makes her sad to see him.

And now it’s costing her money!

Jonah says he’ll go then. Amber says he won’t have to be gone for long, but also can’t really put a time frame on when he can come back.

I wonder how the owners of The Spoon are going to feel when they learn one of their waitresses banned a frequent customer from eating at their establishment.

Jonah tells the GHC that Amber needs some space, so he gathers his things and heads out into the cold.

At Bex’s, Bex and Bowie watch something funny on a really old TV.

It looks like one of those old microwave-sized boxy TVs with antennas and dials and everything from like the 1960s. One of these things:

The kind that’s technically a color TV, but only like four colors, and most of them have a brown tint. The kind that’s so grainy it looks like you’re watching everything through a coffee filter. The kind that emits the constant low-hum of radiation to let you know it’s working.

Where did they even find something like this? It’s older than they are. And how does it still work? I want to say this is the kind of thing you only find at your grandma’s house, but even grandmas got rid of this outdated scrap 30 years ago.

Also, why?!

I’m not exaggerating when I say nowadays there are literally thousands of better options for entertainment than stacking a bunch of tray tables on top of one another and putting a 10 inch screen, piece of junk on top. What point are they trying to prove?

Anyway, Andi’s upset, and not just because she lives with a couple of weirdos. She finished her application to SAVA but she doesn’t know if she’s going to submit it. She’s worried she might not be one of the small group who gets accepted. She asks Bex what she thinks.

Andi’s like, EXCUSE ME?!

Andi wanted her to say that she was talented and that she believed in her. Bex is like, of course I believe that! Haven’t I said that to you like hundreds of times? Andi’s like, well, you didn’t say it in the last thirty seconds so do you really??

Andi gets up to leave. Bex is like, hey, if they don’t accept you, it’s because they’re wrong and dumb! Andi’s like, OH SO YOU DON’T THINK THEY’RE GOING TO ACCEPT ME!?

Bex is taking a beating like a boxer on the ropes here. It’s like, why is everything I’m saying wrong?! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO SAY SO YOU DON’T GET MAD AT ME!

Bex says she wasn’t saying Andi wouldn’t get in.

Andi leaves.

Bowie’s gotta be sitting there going, “Boy, I made the right decision to just not say anything.”

He asks Bex why she didn’t just tell Andi she’ll get in.

It’s a tough line to toe. You want to be realistic with your children, and not set them up for an emotionally crushing blow by telling them “Get all your hopes up! Nothing can hurt you!” but you also don’t want to damage their self-esteem. You can see Bex battling with the nuance of the issue.

Or, as Andi would’ve heard it:

At school the next day, Cyrus finds TJ out on the bleachers. TJ’s been summoned to Student Court, which is where a group of students figure out your punishment for a wrongdoing.

Mr. Bag is forcing TJ to go because TJ took his beverage transportation machine.

Cyrus is like, but you were just being a hashtag good boi! And TJ’s like, I know! And now I’m being hashtag persecuted for it!

Cyrus, seeing an injustice, decides he’s going to be TJ’s lawyer. TJ tries to tell him that’s not a thing, but Cyrus is like, too late! Train’s already left the station! I’m off to steam my lawyer suit. And he leaves.

TJ watches him like, “Uh oh, maybe I gave him too much confidence.”

Andi, meanwhile, debates with herself as she stares at the SAVA website.

Okay, I mean, in fairness to Bex, Andi’s awards are first place at a “Sew and Show”(?) and an honorable mention at the County Fair, so, you know, I wouldn’t say she’s a lock to get in.

Also, I like SAVA’s go big or go home attitude. There’s no save progress button. Submit your application or delete the entire thing and get out. Don’t waste our time with half-measures!

Jonah stops by to terrify Andi.

For old times’ sake.

She slams her laptop closed. He asks her what she was working on but she doesn’t want to say yet. She just says she has to make a decision.

Jonah’s like, don’t say the d-word around me. You know I hate that word.

Andi explains how she doesn’t want to say what it is because it might not happen, and she doesn’t want to open up to people about something personal like this, something that she’s so unsure about. And then she’s like, but I guess you couldn’t possibly have any idea what I’m talking about, JONAH BECK.

Jonah’s like, actually, that’s been my life for three years now so...

Andi’s like, okay, without me telling you any details, what should I do?

Jonah says this is making her tense and nervous, so forget about it.

Andi’s like, really? Jonah’s like, yeah, don’t do anything you have trepidation about. Andi’s like, sounds good to me.

Lemme just warn you, kids, following this advice is going to severely confine how you’re able to move through the real world. The real world is nothing but things that stress you out.

Andi thanks Jonah for helping her out and tells him to go.

Jonah’s whole storyline this episode is about people telling him to leave places.

Jonah heads off. Andi opens up her laptop and finds...

...that conversation was all for naught. Honestly, this is what you get for asking Jonah for advice.

Buffy meets with Kaitlin. Kaitlin sees her broken foot and goes, welp, guess that’s it then. We have no chance to win our last game, which she sees as a shame because they were getting so close.

Question: where is she getting this hope from? Last time we saw the team, they were in such shambles that Andi had to play and they lost so badly, they had to resort to celebrating just being alive. Good for her though, for keeping the faith.

Buffy says they still have a shot, that the team is light years better than it was before. I guess that happened off-screen. Either that, or I guess it’s like saying you’re light years better now at driving a car than when you were a newborn. When you start at the bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up.

Plus, Buffy adds, she made a playbook.

Like, yeah, she’s been trying to teach them plays for months and they just kept running into each other, but now that it’s in graph form? How could they not succeed?

Kaitlin’s not feeling it. She doesn’t understand all these complicated dots and arrows and it won’t matter because it’ll never replace having Buffy on the court anyway.

At the trial of TJ Kippen, Gus calls the court to order.

I have to know, how in the world did Gus end up a judge? Who looked at Gus and thought, “There’s a guy who’s got his stuff in order, let’s put him in a position of power.”

Cyrus comes running to the stage, pulling several boxes of files behind him. TJ asks him what all of that is and Cyrus says evidence, but then he’s like...

Where do you even get phone books, plural, in 2019? There’s gotta be a store in Shadyside that’s just called Retro Junk and it sells things like 1960s TVs and phone books and only the characters on this show are keeping them in business.

Cyrus says it doesn’t matter because it’s an intimidation tactic anyway. He’s come to fight to make sure TJ’s not kicked off the basketball team.

Cyrus announces himself as TJ’s defense council. Gus is like, is that a thing? Let me consult with my voiceless co-judges.

Gus’s co-judges voicelessly agree to allow it. Gus says TJ is here to answer for his crime of “Grand Theft Golf Cart.”

Gus asks him to explain himself, so TJ and Cyrus launch into his defense, which boils down to this: he saw someone in need and he did something hashtag good because that’s who he is as a person, and, really, isn’t the real crime here that the school was going to punish an injured child for not being able to drag herself across campus in an unreasonable amount of time? How could any morally conscious person just sit idly by and let that happen?

Gus feels he and his co-judges have heard everything they needed to hear, but Cyrus disagrees. He thinks they all need to hear from a key witness: Cyrus Goodman. Cyrus grills himself.

Gus asks him to speed it up but TJ’s like, I think we have to let this play out.

Then, as his defense attorney continues to argue with himself, TJ tries to come to peace with the fact he’s going to jail.

At Buffy’s house, Buffy hangs out in her room when there’s a knock at the door.

It’s the entire girls’ basketball team.

They were wandering the neighborhood together and wanted to celebrate a season of losing all their games before they lose their last game and then don’t want to celebrate losing all their games anymore. I know that sounds like nonsense but I just described the line of thinking perfectly.

Buffy doesn’t like that attitude as the team’s captain, but as a human being, sitting in the room with baked goods mere inches from her, she agrees to the party.

At Bex’s, Bowie tells Bex he found a postcard from SAVA in the mail.

They both get excited that she applied and she’s going after her dreams. Bex also thinks it’s great that she didn’t accidentally crush Andi’s hopes for the future.

They realize Andi didn’t tell them because she didn’t want them to know she applied, so Bex makes Bowie put the postcard back in the mailbox.

Back at Buffy’s, Kaitlin brings her computer by and asks who wants to watch videos of their old games. She says they’re hilarious. I don’t know about that. Entertaining maybe, in the way that videos of building implosions are entertaining.

They agree to watch the videos. Kaitlin pulls one up of her shooting a free throw in which she legit closes her eyes for a full two minutes before shooting.

Kaitlin’s like, ugh, I’m so terrible and I DON’T KNOW WHY!

Buffy, using all the knowledge and experience she’s picked up from her time as both a basketball player and coach, says hold on, I think I know what the problem is.

She makes her go back and look at the footage again.

OH?! YOU THINK?! COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE IT?! YOU CAN’T PLAY BASKETBALL WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED?!?!?

I’m screaming. This isn’t some subtle thing only a master of the sport would notice like, oh, you’re not lining your feet up right or you’re letting go with your guiding hand too early.

She shut her eyes!

For a long time! Like she’s trying to will herself to sleep.

She shut them before she even looked at the basket to aim for it! What did she think was going on?! When things went pitch black?!

“Okay, so, I’m holding the ball and want to shoot it into the basket. Then things go dark and when the lights come back, I’ve missed the shot. Just what in the world is going on here? Who keeps turning out the lights on me?”

How has this gone on the entire season? Better question, how is Kaitlin able to feed herself? How is she functioning in every day society? There are plants with better problem-solving skills.

Buffy guarantees Kaitlin if she just OPENS HER EYES TO PLAY BASKETBALL, her game will improve.

Then she tells Maria that she’s great at getting open, but that she never calls out to her teammates to let them know.

Buffy’s like, you have to use your voice, Maria.

And Maria’s like...

Lesson learned.

Buffy tells the girls they are better than they think. They can win if they fight for it.

Also, if they don’t shut their eyes for the majority of the game. Fight and keep your eyes open. 1a and 1b.

The girls agree and Buffy hands out her playbooks.

At the game, Buffy pumps up the team.

Armed with confidence and the newfound knowledge that being able to see what you’re doing vastly improves your chances at successfully doing it, the Spikes put up a fight.

Buffy coaches from the sidelines.

You know, I appreciate the wordplay of the “See you in court” sign that that girl is holding, and how it plays into the other storyline of the episode, but, honestly, who is that sign for? Which team wants that? Is that pro-Spikes or pro-Spartans or just... pro-basketball? Pro-wordplay? Does she just want one of the players on the court to see the sign and go, “Huh.” and give her a polite nod or something? What was the goal here?

Buffy continues to coach.

I’d say that’s over-coaching, but there’s a decent chance Kaitlin forgot between the sleepover and the game what the problem was.

The game nears to a close. Maria gets open and does some clapping, but doesn’t really call out to her teammates like Buffy told her to.

Half-credit, I guess. Light years improvement.

Speaking of credit, let’s give some to this loyal group of Spartan fans behind Maria, who show up to every game and sit in their same lucky seats, and wear their same lucky exact outfits.

Because they were there for the last Spartans/Spikes game, too.

You know what, if I had a cool shirt that just said “Weird” on it, I’d probably wear it all the time. I get it.

Anyway, Maria gets the pass and Buffy delivers her best bit of coaching advice yet.

Again, I don’t know that that’s over-coaching. That might be the exact right level of coaching for this team.

Maria’s shot goes in and the Spikes finally win a game. They all celebrate with Buffy.

Then Buffy’s friends storm the court and celebrate with her.

And credit to the girl who’s still waving the pro-Spartans sign even though the game ended several minutes ago. Keep up the spirit.

TJ’s phone buzzes. The court reached a verdict, so he and Cyrus run off to the theater.

Gus has TJ stand so he can read the verdict, and what he and his co-judges have verdicted is:

Cyrus doesn’t take it well.

Or, in other words, this is a KANGAROO COURT!

TJ tells Cyrus to stop fighting. He tells Cyrus he did his best, which... ehhh...

He kept his eyes open at least.

Gus sentences TJ to the harshest punishment allowed by Student Court:

TJ and Cyrus are surprised, but Gus explains they have very little actual authority.

So, wait, if they don’t really have the ability to hand out any kind of actual punishment, why even bother? If you can’t accomplish anything, then let him walk, otherwise you guys are just being jerks and ruining TJ’s lunch.

TJ grabs Cyrus’s shoulder.

I... think that was just supposed to be a joke about prison but... my God that got gay in a hurry.

Gus says court is adjourned and he and the other judges head off to return their robes to the choir while TJ and Cyrus hug.

This whole plot was silly. So so silly.

And I loved every second of it.

Jonah waits for Amber outside The Spoon. Amber spots him and she’s like, I thought I said to get! Scram! He’s like wait, don’t pepper spray me! I just want to tell you something. His dad got a new job and his parents rented a new apartment, which they’re moving into next week.

Amber says that’s great and she’s really glad for him.

Jonah says she really helped him through this tough time. She says he was there for her, too. Before he leaves, Amber offers to get him a milkshake. Not an invite back into The Spoon, mind you. Just a milkshake to go. The Spoon is still off-limits.

Back at school, Cyrus walks out when TJ shows up with another stolen golf cart like a demon sent from the country club.

Cyrus is like, did you learn nothing from your trial? TJ says he lives on the edge. Cyrus says he lives in the middle.

Cyrus gets in and he and TJ drive around the school with gay abandon.

I can’t believe I’m watching a gay teen romcom on the Disney Channel.

At Bex’s, Bex and Bowie spot Andi coming home, so they get in position to play it cool by turning on the TV and putting on one of their weird shows.

“It’s hideous!”

They ask Andi how her day was, hoping to hear about SAVA, but then Andi only tells them about the Spikes game and walks off.

Bex is shaken. Bowie tells her that’s okay. It’s the way it is. Kids don’t tell their parents everything.

Bex is like, yeah, I guess I just thought we were different.

The episode ends with Bex dealing with her greatest fear: she’s becoming her mother.

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales S3-3: Double-O-Duck in You Only Crash Twice Review

It may be late, but it’s time for some spyjinks and a classic scrooge and webby mess around after the break. 

So this episode.. I wasn’t all that pumped going into it. I mean it’s still new ducktales, unlike last week where I was too bushed to be up that early, I stayed up to watch it and was over the moon once the app finally updated on my end, but it was about a character who I hadn’t seen an episode of darkwing with (though intend to and realize I should watch more of the FOWL episodes to prepare for the rest of this seasons, and more darkwing in general honestly. I’ts fantastic), and with a cameo by the rescue rangers whose swho I hadn’t watched, though their cameo got me to at least start it. There really wasn’t a lot for me to latch on in hype mode. Compartivley last week had a Huelet episode , lena appearing breifly, focus on my boy huey in general, and after that a sitcom parody with my boys Jaleel White and Goofy, with Jaleel once again taking it on the chin when it came to parodying sitcoms. And the episodes themselves had a animate guide book, who shame on me last week as I forgot to mention huey MAKING HIM INTO A FORCE GHOST, and max, roxanne and my other boy pj.  And after it while next week’s a mermaid episode that will probably be good given the series standards that i’m equally just kind of “yay ducktales” instead of specfically excited, the next three have a heist episode (a favorite of mine, to the point even rick and morty outright tearing the genre to pieces in another “Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland yell at cloud” episode has grown on me) that i’m convinced features daisy, an episode focused on huey, fenton and boyd, all faviorites.. and gyro I guess, and a wrasslin episode following up on the jormungandr joke from “Last Christmas!” in the weirdest and most glorious way possible. What i’m saying is this ep wasn’t bad to me going in but it was both before and after some highly antincipated episodes for me for the season as a whole.  That being said... this ep was fun. Did it reach the premire’s highs? Not really, even if it had  a FAR Better subplot than challenge, but it was still a damn good episode with a great villian and one of the best subplots of hte series.  And the setup is great with both sides: Launchpad and Dewey’s accidental adventure and Scrooge and Webby having a shenanigan, set up and then split off, while Scrooge’s presence sets fowl off and leads to the city saving stakes of the A-Plot.  Starting with the B-Story since i’ts actually really simple, i’ts a really damn funny comedy B-Plot where scrooge gets hooked on a ski ball game that happens to be gold rushed themed, which sparks scrooge’s nostalgia... and also his greed as he naturally refuses to spend his tickets on anything, wants to make a ticket bin (which an annoyed and bored webby suggests to him having clearly grown tired of her idol’s bullshit after two seasons of putting up with it. ), and Scrooge and Webby both thretaning the ticket clerk for diffrent reasons, ending on scrooge getting a beard comb and realizing he has a problem and wasted god knows how much money, acomplishing fowl’s goal of getting rid of him anyway. It was worth it alone for the images of Webby silently thretaning the ticket clerk when he tries to tell scrooge the tickets don’t expire (A ploy by webby to end this lunacy), and  the tiny mustache comb stuck in scrooge’s side burns. Just a fun side story. The main story itself is just a fun spy romp, anchored both by some amazing songs from Ben Schwartz, who seirously has a set of pipes and should now be required to sing in everything he does, and a combination of Beck Bennet and Jason Mazontoks (Sorry if I got that wrong). Jason is amazing as steelbeak and learning he was playing him got my intrest up instnatly, with him toning down his usual manic energy for instead a meathead with a serious chip on his shoulder, which worked well especially up against both forms of launchpad. I think it was clever to give LP a nemisis as wella s fowl their own launchpad: A dummy who still has some smarts and skill within him. And the bit where he turns on black heron was great, as judging by how Bradford chewed them out he IS actually her partner but she refuses to treat him like one, as well as showing for all his bravado and poor planning, FOWL hasn’t dumped his body in the harbor for a reason. It was also a nice touch that Heron found him in jail in St.Canard. I also found smart launchpad a deligdht and the rescue rangers ag ood runner.  I’ll also say smart launchpad’s sacrifice was a genuinely touching moment as he gave up all hec oudl do to save people.  Finally I did love Bradford chewing out BOTH agents at the end. While Heron’s plan was sound, Bradford’s rant actually points out the new FOWL’s Modus Operandi well: They ARNE’T overt supervillians, they need to be subtle, sneaky, and not throw out their best advantage. Which Bradford did simply by returning Dewey and Launchpad with them none the wiser and likely covering up the lighthoue disaster. It’s also why their layer is under a children’s pizza place and not a big flashy lighthouse: Their goal is to STEAL the world, not conquer it, to have the world not know they own it so they can, in turn do anything with no one to openly oppose them. And Heron and Steelbeak were instead doing the old james bond schticks: Herons’ plan to make scrooge dumb was decent.. but wouldv’e instnatly lead his family back to the restraunt and on their trail. It was subtle.. but not subtle ENOUGH. While Steelbeak.. is just a moron and jepordized their cover twice, and I like how bradford lets neither speak, and for some reason has a remote control for steelbeaks’ mouth: smart and dumb.. both fucked up and it was only thorugh sheer luck that their plans. And it’s not in a way that BASHES those kinds of plots, both would’ve worked.. it’s more to set this fowl as diffrent. the original darkwing (and one episode of ducktales) versionw as about classic james bond style over the top plots for world domination. this one will take the world and no one will ever know. It’s a nice way to set that up.  Really there’s not a TON to say overall this time.  it was a funny breezy episode but it idn’t really move things forward, unless smart launchpad comes back at some point. It was a good comedy episode with energetic action, a great new villian and a hell of a cameo and an even better subplot. I enjoyed it, but it is a slight step down after last week.. but it’s also because last week’s ep had two amazing storys and a forgetable subplot with some great jokes. This one was still increidbly high quality fun and good table setting for the season, reintroducing heron and introducing steelbeak. Not as good as last time but not bad at all. 

[theoceanswaves0]

SPOILERS AHOY (ISH)

It’s been like four years since I did a post like this, so here’s me dumping my thoughts on various, random things I’ve been into/thinking about lately.

I’ll be covering Miraculous Ladybug S3, Fire Emblem Three Houses, My Hero Academia, The MCU, Chocolate/Zen: Warrior Within, Pokemon SwSh, Victorious, BtVS/Angel, and Star Wars: RoS so just a warning for potential spoilers. Also, there will be salt and gushing, so proceed with caution.

Victorious

--> Ok, so this show came out when I was already in high school, so I think some of my opinions and takes on the show are going to contrast with the general consensus.

--> But I’m firmly in the pro-Tori Vega camp. Do I agree with her kissing Beck in the pilot? No. But considering that Jade humiliated her in front of her class for a small misunderstanding that could have been easily cleared up if Jade took five seconds to hear Tori out, I find it difficult to feel bad for Jade. Plus, Tori gets called out for this a couple of times in later episodes anyway. 

--> As for Cat’s BF, yeah, that was shitty too but A. He was originally Tori’s BF and they only broke up a year prior to the episode and B. Not only does Tori feel immediate remorse for what she does (spraying Cat with cheese and then kissing her bf in front of her), but she apologizes and never does anything like it again for the rest of the show. BTW, these are both season one incidents, so clearly Tori grows out of this.

--> Plus, I can relate to some of Tori’s awkward traits, like being kind of annoying, not having the best verbal comebacks and feeling pretty average.

--> On the other hand, I can’t stand Jade. Her attitude reminds me of a girl I used to be on and off friends with in middle school. She ended up embarrassing me in front of the cast of our fall play in eighth grade and never apologized for it. Plus she would say or do things that, in hindsight, made it clear she didn’t want me around.

--> But I mean, at least that girl didn’t steal a pint of my blood meant to be used in a mutual friend’s operation, so...

--> Although clearly, Rex the Puppet is the worst character on this show. Jade at least does stuff, why do we need to have Rex around...?

--> My ships are Tandre (Tori/Andre) and Catrina (Cat/Trina)! Tori and Andre always look like they have fun performing together or just hanging out, and their friendship is just so precious. I wish Cat and Trina had more scenes together, because I loved their road trip in “Tori the Zombie” and they’re both dysfunctional in their own ways, but trying their best!! 

BtVS/Angel

--> Nothing new really. But my Tandre feels reminded me how much I also loved Gunn/Fred and wished that they stayed together. Even their ship name, Funn, is precious and gahhhhhhh breaking them up was a mistake!

My Hero Academia

--> It took me like 3-4 years after watching the first episode, but I finally watched it.

--> I’m surprised by how much I really like Izuku. Like, I normally like the protagonist fine, but Izuku just really stood out to me. He’s socially awkward, but in a pretty understandable way, intelligent and passionate without using any of it to put other people down, and ofc he cares about his friends and saving other people because what shonen protagonist doesn’t? The only thing I don’t like about him is his hero worship of Bakugo, but that’s just my bias.

--> Oh, yeah, I don’t like Bakugo. 

--> Relating to Aizawa the most, and realizing that it’s because I’m getting older hukjdshfaskdnfj 

--> I don’t have a ship I’m the most invested in, but I like Izuku with both Todoroki and Uraraka, and I also like Uraraka with Tsuyu. Erasermic is also really good.

--> Not a fan of Eraserjoke. I don’t like the way she continues to ask Aizawa out and then plays it off as a joke when he rejects her like. Like, it’s such a high school thing to do, it’s so weird seeing two grown adults do it. Just take the L and move on, Ms. Joke. Not only is it creepy to continue asking someone out when they say no, it’s annoying to pretend that you didn’t really mean it because it makes it difficult to read you in future scenarios. 

Fire Emblem Three Houses

--> Love it love it love it.

--> Like Fire Emblem has always been more of my brother’s thing, but with Awakening, Fates and Three Houses introducing easier difficulty options, I’ve found it much easier to get into the series. Like, I’m a pretty casual gamer so I’m not looking for anything too challenging most of the time.

--> Ofc I knew going in I was picking Golden Deer, and I was not disappointed. I love everyone every single student in there. The atmosphere was so chaotic, that I just knew recruiting everyone that I could to make it more so just had to be done.

--> Claude and Hilda are the best lord and “retainer” respectively, don’t @ me.

MCU

--> Uh, I haven’t really kept up with MCU stuff since Endgame (which I didn’t care for tbh). I just wanted to remind everyone that I hate Tony Stark :)

Miraculous Ladybug S3

(me @ this entire season tbh)

--> I don’t really post much about ML on this blog anymore because I ended up making a side blog (for salt mostly tbh). But in case anyone doesn’t keep up with what happens over there, I basically hated this entire season lol.

--> Ok, I loved Silencer. Best episode in the season period, no questions asked. I also really liked Kwamibuster and Startrain. Desperada grew on me over time, while Bakerix was... okay, I guess. And Felix was entertaining, even if I felt that the message that they were trying to get across was forced and meant to shut the fandom up. Oblivio was good until that ending, and once Silencer came along, I quickly learned I had no use for it anyway. It being an amnesia episode did it no favors, either.

--> Just as I feared, the season revolved more around humiliating or putting Marinette in really embarrassing situations for the same of “drama”. The Puppeteer 2 is a really good example of this. And it’s upsetting, because none of this actually does anything for Marinette’s character. She’s not even allowed to breakdown or be upset about anything that goes wrong for her until the end of “Heart Hunter” and even that only lasts, like, ten seconds.

--> Also, I don’t ship the Love Square anymore. Lukanette all the way, baby.

--> Let’s be real, Marinette/Happiness should be the real OTP of the show.

--> The fact that every episode of season 4 is supposed to be as dramatic as Chat Blanc does not leave me hopeful for the future. Like, really, you’re going to use an episode in which an entire timeline’s worth of events gets erased and leaves everyone with no memories of it as the basis of your emotional impact going forward? Um, thank you, next.

Rise of Skywalker

--> Haven’t seen it and after seeing the spoilers, I don’t plan to. I really liked TFA, and was excited to see what they did with the Rey-Poe-Finn dynamic. I was not here for Kylo Ren or Reylo. I guess Finn/Rey is joining Tandre and Funn in my “missed opportunity OTPs” corner. D:

Chocolate/Zen: Warrior Within

--> OMG one of my fave movies of all time. Like I appreciate it more and more with age. It’s basically everything I want in a movie.

--> The scene where Zen discovers that her mom’s hair is falling out and she blames herself for it always gets me. Like I always forget about it, so when I see it again, I can’t help but nearly breakdown myself, because I know exactly what Zen’s thought process is without her even having to say anything. I feel just as overwhelmed as she does in the moment and nearly cry every time watching it.

--> One of the few movies that I wish actually got a sequel. Like I have so many questions that could be answered. How do Zen and Moom adjust to living in Japan? How does Zen’s father try to relate to her and Moom? Do they make any other friends? Will Zen get access to resources that will help her? Will they be further ostracized because of their status as outsiders? As someone who already struggles verbally, how will Zen adapt to living in a country that primarily speaks another language? 

Pokemon SwSh

--> Multiplayer is so much fun and wayyyy more accessible than in the past imo. A bunch of people at my martial arts school would do raid battles before classes, so I would always leave to get there early and play with them. 10/10 experience, and it makes me excited to get Animal Crosssing to do the same thing.

--> But on the other hand, I feel like this game has a lot less going for it than SuMo. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it feels like too much is missing. Like I still enjoy it, but it’s more for the gameplay and less for the story. I’m also not nearly as invested in my team like I was last time (I loved my Sun team so much, I basically kept it the same for US, minus one or two changes). I’m trying to change it fits a “Psychedelic Ocean” vibe (Water/Psychic), and then do an “Earth” themed team for my Shield run but I just haven’t picked it back up since beating the game.

--> The characters were alright. I wasn’t as attached to any of the rivals like I was in SuMo. Leon is my bro though.

[vestsfriends]

Scars of the Past (an Andi Mack Oneshot)

Summary: [Takes place right after 3x16] When Amber tells Jonah that she loves him, every mistake involved in all of Jonah’s past relationships resurface. Since Jonah cannot handle the amount of emotional baggage, he enlists help from Cyrus.

Pairings: Jonah Beck/Cyrus Goodman, Jonah Beck & Cyrus Goodman, Jonah Beck/Amber Kippen

Note: yeah yeah I’m working on “2 Years Later”, but I got lot of inspiration from the newest episode so I made this lmao. Please read it I beg of you

•

•

•

One would expect two people in a relationship to be completely and utterly honest with each other about their feelings, but this was indeed not the case for the teenage frisbee team captain, Jonah Beck, and Amber Kippen, part-time waitress at The Spoon. Truthfully, it was more like the opposite.

Most of Jonah’s past relationships always ended in a huge mess. He never meant to hurt any of the girls he dated, but it seemed as if he had a never-ending streak of bad luck with romantic relationships. The green-eyed boy truly did not know how to tell anyone how he really felt about them, no matter the circumstances. Jonah was oblivious to most social queues so that made it harder for him to understand what to do whenever he was dating someone, nor the significance of what a relationship is supposed to represent. He always went along with what he “should” do, rather than think about what he wanted for himself.

Even though Jonah never talked through his feelings with his girlfriend(s), the 14-year-old boy sometimes found himself ranting to his good friend Cyrus about it on occasion. They would often share very deep and meaningful conversations about their emotional issues, and it made the two boy’s bond stronger. They trusted each other, and to Jonah, Cyrus always gave him great advice. The green-eyed boy would joke that Cyrus was basically his “mini therapist”.

But unlike most of their deep conversations, the one the two boys were currently sharing was much different. It was, as Jonah put it, a much bigger deal. It was as if a final string pulled, the feeling of a bow for a violin being snapped in half was present inside his heart. The world around him was being torn apart in Jonah’s eyes. He had never felt more confused and lost in his entire life.

“Hey,” Cyrus gripped the other boy lightly by the shoulders, steadying Jonah’s focus on him so he was brought back to reality. “Remember what I taught you, breathe in slowly,” Jonah obeyed Cyrus’ directions, inhaling deeply. “Now exhale for five seconds.” Jonah let out the air he was holding in. His eyes were free from his despair, and looked longingly at Cyrus’ dark chocolate eyes.

“Thank you.” Jonah showed his gratitude.

Cyrus shifted back into a normal sitting position where he was facing Jonah. “Anytime. Now, what’s going on, Jonah? You haven’t had an anxiety attack like this since..” Cyrus’ voice trailed off. He didn’t even need to finish his sentence, Jonah knew exactly what he was talking about.

“Yeah, since Andi broke up with me at your bar mitzvah.” Jonah’s voice was so low it was nearly a whisper. “Things have been so complicated, Cyrus, I don’t understand what is happening anymore.” Jonah covered his face with his hands, hiding the fact that tears were forming in his eyes.

Cyrus almost immediately wrapped his arms around Jonah, his hand rubbing the other boy’s back gently. “Hey, hey, look at me. I don’t want you to have another panic attack, let’s talk this out, Jonah.” Cyrus’ words caused him to remove his hands from his wet face. “You’re going to get through this, I promise.”

Jonah put on a dishonest smile to suppress his thoughts of grief. He nodded at the dark-haired boy sitting next to him on the couch.

“Well, I guess what started all of this was the other day...when Amber told me she loved me.” Jonah turned to glance at Cyrus before continuing. “I know I don’t love her back, but I don’t know what to tell her. I hate how complicated all of my romantic relationships are.”

Cyrus was silent, but very interested as to where Jonah was going with this. He knew that since Jonah rarely exposed his deepest feelings, admitting all of this to someone out loud was difficult for Jonah, so Cyrus periodically squeezed the boy’s shoulder as a sign of comfort. He was grateful that Jonah could express his feelings to him instead of keeping it bottled up.

“Like,” Jonah went on with his emotional rant. “All of this started to make me look at the grand scheme of things. All of my relationships failed because of me. Andi and I broke up so many times because of things I did to her.” Jonah felt his muscles tightening. “Heck, we “broke up” even before that, when we just friends.”

“Not only that, Libby broke up with me when I thought things were going well for us, I thought our ways of communication were getting better.” Jonah clung to his sides as he clamped his eyes shut. Cyrus moved slightly closer to him so their arms were up against each other. “But I guess I was wrong. People always tell me I’m oblivious and I really wish I wasn’t. Maybe then I could function like a normal human being and recognize when I’m avoiding and hurting other people’s feelings.” He exhaled a shaky breath.

Jonah’s pause between sentences made Cyrus think it was now or never if he wanted to help his friend. “Jonah, you may be oblivious sometimes but you’re not completely unaware of everything going on around you. And I think we should take this one thing at a time instead of the entire problem all at once.” He gave Jonah reassurance. “Now, from what you told me, it seems like you want to be with Amber, you want to hang out with her, but you don’t want any romantic feelings involved.”

Jonah nodded in agreement. “Yes.”

“It seems like you just want to be her friend, Jonah, and that’s completely okay. But you should be telling her how you feel, I know it may seem scary but leading her on to think you like her that way will have a much worse outcome.” He looked deeply into Jonah’s wide emerald green eyes. “Amber will understand if you explain to her what you’ve been going through.”

“I’ll try my best.” Jonah twiddled his thumbs. “I just hate having all of these regrets from hurting everyone...I want to stop making other people have to deal with problems because of my mistakes.” A single tear slid down Jonah’s cheek.

Cyrus grabbed a tissue box from the side table and handed it to Jonah swiftly. “Here.” He ensured that the other boy wiped away the tears that streaked his cheeks. “Jonah, I think I know what might be going on.” His expression was one that Jonah couldn’t place. He looked guilty, upset, worried, and in shock all at the same exact time.

“I’m pretty sure that, due to the fact that in your first ever relationship, last year, with Amber, you had a false belief of what a relationship was supposed to be.” Cyrus began, Jonah mentally pleading for him to go on. “Considering that she used to be very toxic, she treated you horribly which sort of, in a way, left a mental scar on you.”

Jonah cocked his head to the side. “A mental scar?”

Cyrus paused for a moment and then explained. “A mental scar is sort of like an actual scar, it’s a permanent mark, or in this case, a set of false prior knowledge and experiences of manipulation, that is engraved in your mind forever, like an actual physical scar.” He placed a hand on Jonah’s. “I promise you, it’s not your fault. And you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.” Cyrus gave Jonah a genuine and warm grin, along with a light squeeze to his hand.

Jonah thought about it, and a look of realization hit him in the face. “That does actually explain quite a lot,” he agreed with Cyrus. “You’re really smart Cy-Guy. I would have never figured that out.”

The dark-haired boy let out a chuckle and waved him off. “It’s no big deal, it’s what I’m here for.”

“So wait…let me get this straight,” Jonah changed the subject. “How will I ever get rid of this mental scar if it’s never going to go away?” Anxiety filled the boy’s body once more.

Cyrus stopped Jonah before he could imagine possible cruel futures. “Scars may not permanently go away, but they fade, Jonah. They fade.”

Jonah sighed, most of his anxiety lessened. “In the future, how will I go about relationships then? Do I need to search up on google how to maintain a healthy relationship?” Sarcasm was displayed through his voice and Cyrus giggled at him.

“I think all you need is a new thought process for what relationships are and how they work.” Cyrus informed him. “But seriously dude, I think for a little while you should take a break from the romance department.” Cyrus laughed as Jonah playfully shoved him.

“So you’re gonna teach me? You’re going to be my personal Cupid?” Jonah asked.

Cyrus rolled his eyes, a smile still remained plastered to his face. “Not exactly. But it’s kind of like a metaphor-based thing.” He earned a sideways grin from Jonah. “Think of it this way, a relationship is supposed to represent the deep romantic connection that two people have between each other. Not just friendship, but as partners, two people who would do anything for each other.”

Jonah gawked at Cyrus. He didn’t realize how much Cyrus knew about romance, but he was very intrigued. “But, how exactly do you know when you have strong feelings for someone and it’s romantic not platonic?” He asked.

Cyrus blinked. “Well, uh, it’s the kind of feeling where you get all excited whenever you’re around them, you feel tons of butterflies in your stomach.”

Jonah raised his eyebrows. “That doesn’t sound too pleasant.”

Cyrus laughed. “It’s not like that, dude. Getting butterflies in your stomach is a phrase meaning that a person gets a fluttery sensation in their stomach whenever they’re nervous around the person who they like.” Jonah mouthed “oh”.

“Plus, even if you have a crush on someone, you get all sorts of warm feelings, it’s slightly different for everyone.” Cyrus’ thoughts trailed off to when he had a huge crush on Jonah back in seventh grade. “If you really admire someone for their looks, personality, and take notice of the small things that they do, then there’s a good chance that you have romantic feelings for them.”

Jonah’s eyes widened but he remained silent. He became so distracted by Cyrus that he barely realized that his face was flushed a light pink color.

Luckily, the other boy who was giving Jonah his lesson on dating did not take notice of it.

“In a way, you would probably have a crush on someone if you want sure they’re always happy, want to spend time with them a lot, and would give up anything to be with them.” Cyrus kept talking.

Jonah interrupted him with a question that had been on his mind during their entire conversation. “What if you think you have a crush on someone but you actually don’t? Or vice-versa?” He was worried to accidentally start another relationship based on a lie.

Cyrus patted Jonah on the shoulder. “Dude, it’s okay to make a false conclusion, it’s a part of being human,” He assured Jonah. “Feelings are extremely complicated and it’s hard for everyone to make any sense of them. But only, in the future, start a relationship when you know for sure that you like the other person. Everyone has a way of knowing that they truly like someone.”

“What’s your ‘way of knowing that you like someone’?” The green-eyed boy was curious.

Cyrus’ shoulders became stiff. “Oh, well..uh,” he stammered. “My heart usually beats really fast, especially when I touch the person.”

Jonah felt a sudden ache in his chest. “I see.”

The dark-haired boy saw that Jonah had gotten slightly uncomfortable, so he steered back into their conversation. “Overall, I think that covers just about everything on romance. It’s a very complicated process but I think you’ll be okay, Jonah.” Cyrus placed both of his hands carefully on Jonah’s shoulders. “But promise me that you won’t date anyone for a while after you break up with Amber?”

Jonah utilized the free space from Cyrus holding onto his shoulders and wrapped his arms tightly around Cyrus so they were hugging. “I promise I won’t. Thank you Cyrus, I don’t know what I would do without you.” The light-haired boy smiled to himself as he placed his head in the crook of Cyrus’ neck, feeling the immediate contact between their skin.

As for Cyrus, he was shocked, but that soon wore off as he returned the warm gesture. “It’s no problem, Jonah. I’m always happy to help you.” He spoke softly into the green-eyed boy’s ear.

Jonah’s head all of a sudden became swarmed with thoughts, zooming around in his brain making him very overwhelmed. He felt himself starting to sweat a little, and he could only hope that Cyrus didn’t acknowledge it. He could feel a rush of warmth enter his cheeks, spreading to both his ears and neck. His heart rate had sped up too, all of the aforementioned symptoms ultimately causing the green-eyed boy to break away from his and Cyrus’ hug.

Jonah quickly jumped off the couch to put on his shoes, making up an excuse for him to leave. “U-uh sorry Cyrus but I g-gotta go now.” He mentally scolded himself for stuttering so much. “I should probably tell Amber about everything. Y’know?”

Cyrus gave him a weird look. “Oh alright I’ll see you later dude.”

Jonah tugged his shoes on and began to speed-walk out of Cyrus’ living room before he tripped over his own feet and fell onto the carpet.

‘Oh my god I look like a huge fool’ Jonah thought. He immediately got up and waved goodbye to his friend before he could embarrass himself any more than he already had.

Once Jonah shut the front door, he leaned against it and sighed in relief. But, he could feel something off. He remembered seeing Cyrus’ confused face before he had escaped his friend’s house.

Jonah felt bad for leaving so unannounced, but he had one of those “fight or flight” responses to hugging Cyrus. His mind blanked for a short second. Then, his heart started to, once again, beat much faster than normal.

Ba-doom. Ba-doom. Ba-doom.

A huge wave of realization hit him right in the face like a monsoon. His cheeks fired up on cue.

Oh my god. I have a crush on him.

[ts-2020-olympics]

Episode 7 - “I wonder why you're not liked” - Nicole (& Ben)

Glad I sat out on that one - really didn't know anything Survivor related. Darcy's score of 12 is a huge shame, but gives me incentive to vote him out. He tried, he flopped, that's how it is. If it's me going this round, GGWP. 

Oh yeah! So, Nicole returned to the game.... Grrreat. It was probably the worst outcome I could have, but honestly, I don't want to dwell on it too long. With Nicole and Jacob both back in the game and Juls out of it, my fate looks worse and worse each day, as my list of allies continues to shorten and my list of enemies only gets longer. I feel very scared for the future, and rather trapped as of now, trapped between millions of possibilities, none of which have me doing very well. But hey, hasn't that been how it's been since Day 1 of this game? I started things off on Sonkei, a tribe so quiet I couldn't tell if I was running the show or on the bottom of everything until like 3 tribal councils in. A tribe where every new enemy I made would come back from the arena with a vengeance, and things only got harder. A tribe where I consistently lost challenges despite putting in my all. Then I got to nuMIraitowa, and my time here has been incredibly hectic. A bumpy road, to say the least. It's been a journey of gaining friends and then losing them, knowing people are lying but not knowing why, and just struggling to find the tiniest crack so I can get off the fucking bottom and just... SURVIVE. It's really been tough out here, and you can see the game starting to wear me down. My insanity is starting to come through in the main chats and honestly I've just lost all patience and tolerance that I had at the beginning of the game, the real me is beginning to show through. The one who lashes out, and desperately tugs at every heartstring possible, and says exactly what he's thinking without giving a fuck who's listening or the repercussions it might have down the line. Who makes everything public. I KNOW that these things are not typically good for my game, and yet, I just find myself so inclined to do them. Even though they've never helped me win anything, I can't help but be true to myself. I don't know, I guess I just feel frustrated. I'm at a place in ORGs where I feel so helpless, like I'm the victim of my own personality. I know exactly what's holding me back but I can't seem to just get past it. I guess I just keep hoping that one of these days, I'll play exactly true to myself, 100% me, and people will like that person enough to want to work with him or be happy to reward him a win. But it hasn't happened yet and I don't know if it can happen here anymore. I'm really struggling to push through. But, if there's one thing I'll never do, it's give up. Even when everything feels like it's caving in and I'm ready to just collapse, like I was saying earlier - no matter how much I want to do something, the real me ALWAYS fights back and does what it wants anyway. And the real me can't give up. Deep down in my core I always fight back, I always stand up for myself, sometimes even when I'm wrong. I just can't stand letting things go, and I know it's a character flaw, but hell, it's also a strength, and it's something I'm proud of, in a weird way. I don't want to be the player who gives in, never reveals anything, or plays it safe. I want to play it my way because if I don't, then how can I enjoy a win? How can I be proud of myself for winning if it wasn't ME that won? I have to win it my way, and sure, right now it looks difficult. VERY difficult. Maybe even impossible. But I'm approaching on the Final 16, and maybe, just maybe, a swap is on the horizon. Maybe new things are coming and maybe this entire game is about to reinvent itself for me. I've got allies in Jordan, Eve, Pete... potential allies in Caeleb, Ben, Sammy, Kevin... Maybe I could fix things with Emma. Honestly, who knows what's ahead. I'm very scared, partly, if that wasn't obvious by this big emotional confessional. But I'm also kind of exhilarated, this is exactly what Survivor is supposed to be and I can't wait for the next stage of the game. These are the Olympics, so it's go big or go home. Let's do this.

Hello again, this is Darcy here reporting with more confessing.  So, for starters, I still have yet to find something at the Olympic Village, which is really nothing new at this point of the game.   Now for the fun parts, my tribe lost Immunity, which not really surprising, since that kind of challenge I felt whoever had gold medal won that challenge.   So, we get to enjoy another tribal, where I am hoping for it to be Ben, since Ben is the one I trust the least, due to hearing about Ben wanting to come for me last round if I lost immunity, assuming that was a true tidbit anyways.   I have a feeling this vote could be between Ben and I, but here's to hoping Ben targets someone else and not me woo!   I do have enough trust in my alliance with Beck, Tommy and Karen though that us four should hopefully stick together to just take out the common enemy in Ben.   Then Ben may come back again with a gold medal, but if he does, I mean good for him.

I'm back, babes! Okay, so regarding my last confessional...I guess maybe I went a little too hard on some people. But, I was angry and validly so. Nothing much has changed even though I'm really good at faking forgiveness. About twenty minutes after I dropped in the FOUR AND A HALF HOUR PRESSURE COOKER, Sammy messages me asking to call!

I'm back babes! So as soon as I got back after the FOUR AND A HALF HOUR ENDURANCE, people were all of the sudden really happy to see me -- which was a LOT different than 24 hours prior! I talked to my best ally Kevin first, of course! I really hope at the end of the game Kevin's confessionals aren't like "oh geez and then I had to talk to Nicole, she's so annoying" bc I will be crushed, as a person he is just so nice and I'm so happy we have been given the opportunity to become friends from this game! So I talk to Kevin, then Caeleb and then...whatta know! Sammy! Right to the rescue, he wants to call after 1) voting me out 2) revoting me out. Now, long story short I made significant peace with Sammy through the phone call BUT something did happen that really did not sit well with me. While we were calling he said he DIDN'T want to apologize because we both did things wrong. Hm. Well, Sammy! Okay! I would have had more respect and less wariness of him moving forward if he did apologize but, he didn't. He kind of said like "ok so i know i lied about the advantages I had in this game and gave you nothing to trust me off of, got mad when you didn't trust me, then decided I was going to vote with Eve to get rid of you, revoted to seal your fate and called you out on a tribal call like 'if anyone wants to apologize now would be the time', but i don't think I NEED to apologize because, we were equally wrong.' Someone please explain to ME how exactly it is that we would be equally wrong when everything I did was to protect myself, and everything he did was because he had other people he could trust over me. Now that Juls is gone and he kind of showed his ass, he's now saying hey haha let's work together again though! I haven't decided if I want to do that, AND now I have a lot more options because people saw how kick ass I could be :) Speaking of the comp, it kind of grinds my gears that coming back in the last few messages before I entered again were Emma and Landen actively rooting against me. Landen, I understand. Emma...who even are you? Why do you hate me? lmao. Okay I may still be a little bit mad. Ben also as I'm typing this messaged me "I wonder why you're not liked", which is like hurtful but accurate. Anyway....I'm making at LEAST f15 now (bc my gold medal) so that's very fun, A+ content. I think we are swapping after this THANK GOD bc I have to get AWAY from this tribe. I hope I get to stay with either Jacob or Kevin, and maybe even get swapped with Jordan Pines or Karen so I can feel some semblance of security. I'll make a confessional about it next round bc :) im back :) hehe

anyway so this ugly ass tribe lost again. The only good thing to happen over the last few days is that nicole is back ugh I wasn’t ready to lose on of my allies skdjfkdjfj anyway so juls is gone and it’s down to me tommy Darcy beck caeleb and Ben, 4/6 of us are in an alliance and then there’s cae and Ben sjdjjddnjd obvs Ben is the choice to vote but also like bc it’s so obvious I’m scared that he’ll know and play an idol /: scares me bc I’m not 100% sure who he’d vote and he’s shown that he’s willing to vote for me at any moment so I’m just debating whether I should throw a vote at caeleb just in case to tie it or if I should let one of my alliance members potentially get voted out. Best case scenario if Ben plays an idol is that he votes for beck bc I don’t trust that hoe at all wkendkdndndn but yeah I haven’t had time to really talk to Ben so it’s prob too late to probe into his plans. Ugh I hope this tribal is quick & painless /: 

hello. confessional #472. i've survived another round so that's fun! i feel rly solid about the bonds i have with people right now so i know a tribe swap is incoming but that's for the best bc i'd rather not vote out anyone on yushu rn… so we'll see! 

Really mad I got voted out, feeling pretty betrayed by my tribe rn. 

I wish em didn't have to get voted out, but I'm pretty confident she'll fight tooth and nail to get back into the running..

Tribal just happened and we voted out Ben again in a unanimous vote. It was an easy vote I think either we are swapping into 3 tribes of 5 at Final 15 or 16, but if it's Final 16 the Gold Medal winner will be exiled. If we don't swap I think Ben will win the Gold and Beck the silver medal so we have a good chance of winning immunity incase there's another round before we swap. I'm really just trying to maintain get close to Caeleb because he's probably still skeptical about the whole Juls vote which I'm happy she's out because she's a threat but on the other hand she was so sweet it was sad she had to leave early. At this point I'm trying to maintain good relationships going into a swap and hope I get a good tribe that's strong and will leave me in the majority going into the merge. Also, at this point once Emma or Ben is officially voted out we'll be down to 9 returnees and 7 newbies so I really don't care if some of these returnees start hitting the road and going home. It's gonna come down to who wants to take me to the end and that's who I'm with. 

It's the end of the round, you know what that means? LAST MINUTE JORDAN PINES CONFESSIONAL TIME! It's america's favourite game show where Jordan Pines quickly makes a confessional at the last possible moment to not recieve a strike and tries to make his thoughts sound coherent. Let's Play! Whew this round was awful compared to every round so far in every aspect. First we get a challenge and I'm like... Oh Shit we can win this! and I work my ass of coordinating, doing most of the work for the tribe getting list ready in shit. And guess what it worked, we had the best scores over all and it wasn't very close... until you remember that each member of a tribe getting 20% on a challenge like this is basically a guaranteed win unless you are absolutely garbage. So we lose! Here we are and I have 4 people on my tribe including and I want to go far with all 3. Like I was at a loss. Not to mention the fact that I was having the day from hell where I could only be on for a minute like for the whole day. It ends up being emma and that fucking sucks cause emma is an icon. She has now won the duel and thank god I had some common sense not to blindside her and give her a heads up so that I can repair the relationship. Let's see how she feels about me tonight, but like I stand by it that I quote it here, in an ideal world i would go as close to the end with emma, shes iconic and i trust her a lot. I hope I havent damaged this relationship too badly! LET ME SWAP ALREADY!

I am tired of losing!! we’ve been attending tribal nonstop and it sucks. All these people are amazing. The vote was between Sarah and Em, Jordan was quite busy and didn’t care who left so it came down to my decision unfortunately. I decided em should go because I just don’t have a relation with her like I do with Jordan and Sarah. Luckily she won and is still in the game and got us gold <3 Jordan’s gonna try and do damage control with Em to keep her on our side. We’ve got a few advantages rn  and have been leading these tribals so I hope we stay in a good position.