#The most complex one - the stage - is probably the one that would also need the most attention lol

[majestyeverlasting]

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭

Pairing Rockstar!Eddie x Reader | friends -> lovers

Summary Eddie comes back to Hawkins during a break on his national tour, and realizes he lost touch with someone he cares about deeply: you [angst and fluff]

Word Count: 2.7k

Above, a blue sky melts into orange, bearing a falling sun that makes Lover’s Lake shimmer. Tree branches rustle in the breeze. Until Eddie showed up at your door, whispers of his return to Hawkins had been just that. If you were still in the habit of calling each other regularly, you reckon you would’ve been the first to know. There’s no skepticism now, as the two of you sit on the tailgate of a cherry-red F-150. It’d been a gift from him to Wayne that he had on loan for the outing. This is a spot where campervans usually staked out for the view, but the universe must’ve known the evening belonged to you two. 

There were so many things you told yourself you were going to say when he got back from the road, but the words were hard to find. Elation and confliction had decided that your heart would be the grounds for their tug-of-war. Time had a habit of doing that, muddling feelings. Blurring old lines.  

“Does it feel weird?” you ask. They’re the first words you’ve spoken in a while. It takes Eddie a second to realize you’re talking to him. 

He straightens up in apology. “Does what feel weird?” The hole in his jeans gives sight to the bruise on his knee. You study it, imagining the many ways it could’ve formed. Knee-sliding on stage, most likely. 

“Being back in Hawkins,” you say, meeting his gaze. 

The immediate answer that poses itself on the tip of his tongue is no. Then it occurs to him that what you’re really asking is if it feels weird to be back with you. To that, there is no concrete answer. No such thing as black and white. There’s only technicolor when it comes to you, so vivid and complex that he wished it was as simple as a binary. 

“I don’t know if I’d use the word weird.�� 

“Different?” you supply. 

He lifts a shoulder. “That’s a little more like it,” he says. “Coming home always is.” 

You hum, twisting the gold bracelet around your wrist. There’s a silver one around his own and his fingers are adorned with bulky steel rings. More tattoos have found a home beneath his skin as well. The longer you study everything new about him, the more a look that hauntingly resembles grief blooms on your face. As if something that once belonged to the two of you had been lost to the passing of time. When the same sense begins to swell within his own chest, he tries to snub it out the best way he knows how, beckoning whatever levity may be waiting in the wings.  

“But a lot of things stayed the same. Like Mike,” he starts. “I thought he would’ve called it quits by the time I got back, but he’s still kicking around at the auto shop. I was more surprised to see him than he was to see me.” 

After teaching Eddie the little his father failed to teach him about cars, Mike Summerdale gave him his first steady job the summer before his senior year. Working at Starcourt hadn’t held up, neither did Family Video or any other ‘boring’ employment. Mike’s Tire & Auto Shop was the only gig he sustained before the world had bigger plans. Eddie was the type who needed to move around, work with his hands, be challenged. Mike was one of the only people who’d been keen enough to discern that. 

Working at the shop not only gave him a sense of stability, but it also gave him you. The evening you came by for a last minute oil change on your parent’s Peugeot 504—ten minutes before closing—was the day he learned you were even funnier and more down to earth than what he’d gathered from within the stuffy halls of Hawkins High. 

A smile starts on your own lips. “He was probably ready to put his best man back to work,” you say. “Your hands are all pretty now.” 

Scoffing, Eddie turns his palms up as if he’s prepared to prove you wrong. There’s calluses on his fingertips from playing guitar, but not much else. His hands are nowhere near as rugged as they were when he was a mechanic. Back when you’d finally had enough of his indifference, you remember getting him a special cream and even rubbing it into his hands yourself when he puppy-dog-eyed his way into it. Some nights, long after you were supposed to have been back at your parents place, you’d be sitting in his living room with the TV glow illuminating your faces as the scent of eucalyptus lingered in the air between you. 

Eddie follows your hand as you reach over to run your fingers over his palm. “If I gave you a socket wrench right now, you probably wouldn’t even know how to use it.” You’re shamelessly teasing him now. It feels good. 

A genuine smile pulls on his lips, eyes brighter as he looks over at you. Even in his amusement, his next words are thoughtful. “Some things you don’t forget.” 

Sobering words, more like. Memories begin to roll in one by one until they avalanche and you can’t help but relieve yourself of the pressure by shoveling it over to him. 

“Do you remember the night we met?” you ask. “After that we were together all the time.” 

Back when time was all you had. Twenty-four hours wasn’t the same anymore. There were more responsibilities to fill it with, different relationships to entertain. For a while, the only thought ticking in your minds was when you’d get to see each other again. When the phone calls stopped, the care never went away. Neither did the curiosity, the stress of not knowing how the other was doing or where they were in the world. Those concerns continued to ring on and on, reverberating down the hallways of want that built themselves within your hearts. 

The rouge tear that streams down your cheek is the pioneer of more to come. Eddie swallows the lump in his throat when he sees it, hand twitching once in his lap. The next time, he doesn’t stop himself from reaching out to wipe your tears with his thumb. It’s a gesture meant to distract him from the fact that he’s the reason behind them. There’s no escaping the tidal wave of guilt that rushes in to drag him out to sea. You sniffle and shake your head to let him know that it’s okay, but his head is already under water. 

“I do remember,” it comes out quiet, thick. “The night we met—everything.” 

“Then what happened? What did I do wrong?” The wind is knocked out of him at that. “I know things changed so fast, but did everything before you left just get resigned to a spot on a timeline? Something for you to talk about to Rolling Stone?”  

Eddie tries to swallow around his guilt, but ends up choking on offense. 

“I never asked for any of this,” he asserts, hopping off the truck bed. “I may’ve begged God when I was a kid, but that’s ‘cause I didn’t know any better,” he says. “You don’t know what it’s been like. You don’t get to suggest that I stopped giving a shit.”

“Then what did you do, Eddie? Because that’s what it feels like.” You don’t mean to raise your voice, but there’s no way to reel it back in.

You can see the moment his stomach drops. It’s in the way his body grows tense, the faint color that rises to his cheeks, the light that wavers in his eyes. “You’ve been right here in Hawkins with all your friends and family three steps away. I’m the one who’s been in a new city every other night, cameras flashing wherever I go.” His voice remains level, but he talks with his hands like he always does. 

“I’ve been on autopilot for the past three months to make it back here with a semblance of sanity. So I’m sorry if I stopped picking up the phone to call. I was too busy trying to breathe with a goddamn elephant on my chest.” He paces away from you to run his hands through his hair. When he faces you again, he looks small. “This is all new to me. If you could just extend some grace.” 

Every word hangs heavy in the space between you. Which feels like miles. Eddie doesn’t huff or move or make any rash decision he’ll regret. He averts his gaze to refocus his attention on the lake. Its stillness feels like a mockery. There’s a dull thud as your feet meet the ground, followed by footsteps as you head into the woods. Despite every inch of you that wants to, you don’t look back. The feeling of his gaze is enough. 

He follows a few minutes after you’ve disappeared. The whole way, he wonders if his words were too harsh, if he’d gone about expressing himself the right way. The earthy crunch of his footsteps are soft as comes up behind you. You’re standing at The tree. The one everyone in Hawkins manages to come across in a lifetime, even if they decide not to leave their mark. The stories you heard about it growing up made it out to be a relic. 

Wound-Bearer was the name it had been given by a man from the class of ‘66, meant to immortalize the proof of love, romantic and platonic. Or at least bear a sign that it once existed. Looking at it now, more initials had been added since you and Eddie contributed to it your senior year. The carving stood out more than the rest, not because it was particularly noticeable or impressive, but because it was yours. Eddie stops a few paces away and spots it in seconds as he looks over your shoulder. 

Both of you hold your breath until you give in. 

“I didn’t mean to sound selfish. I’ve just been scared, Eddie.” You’re ashamed as you turn around to face him. “Scared that you didn’t want to talk anymore. That our friendship was fading away,” you say, scoffing a second later. “Now I sound like we’re in a movie.” 

A tenderness settles in his eyes that you don’t believe you deserve. “Our lives are a fucking movie,” he says, breathing out a chuckle. 

Things began to take off after he got scouted by the agent who’d flown out from California to visit family. You remember the dreams that had filled your head, each one of them somehow including you—you tagging along on the road, sitting front row at his shows, being right off camera during interviews. Reality proved itself to be nowhere near as sweet as your imagination. Later, when he signed to a label and was set for a national tour, the sacrifices of the limelight revealed themselves as pressing and real. 

Joining him in that new stage of his life meant leaving everything you’d ever known, bypassing university, being subject to thousands of eyes that just wanted to gawk. That’s why the day he left Hawkins was the day he left you behind. Even in his own mind, you not being his personal assistant was for the better. Him losing a sense of stability to chase his dreams didn’t mean you should be strapped to his side and subject to the same. 

At least you had a shot at creating a nice life for yourself. You were smart, talented, and someone worth building a life with. Music was all he had going. Leaving Hawkins was his only shot and it meant walking through the fire. 

A surprised sound escapes him when you crowd into his space to wrap your arms around him like he’s a soldier home from war. It’s the same type of hug Wayne had given him earlier that afternoon. It felt like love, like safety, like home. He melts into you, and the two of you stand like this until you remember that embraces aren’t meant to last forever. 

•••

Tonight, Eddie Munson takes it slow for the first time in his life. The speed limit signs on the side of the road dare him to go their limit. There’s hardly anybody on the roads to give him trouble for it either. It’s nice, the long way home always is. The radio plays low as the warm night air flows in through the widows. Eddie drives with his right hand, left arm hanging outside the truck. 

“Fuck, you’ve gotta be kidding me,” he grouses as he brakes for a stop sign. There’s enough earnestness in his voice to make you startle as you track his gaze. 

On the opposite side of the street, the old location for Scoot’s Scoops sits idle with boarded windows and a dimmed sign. 

You heave a sigh. “They just relocated,” you assure, rubbing your chest to calm down. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

Eddie’s eyes are apologetic as he looks over at you. “I damn near had one myself. Sorry.” He reaches over to squeeze your thigh before his brain catches up to his body. It’s a fleeting touch that warms your entire being and stuns you into a brief stillness as if he was electric. 

He shifts in his seat and clears throat. “Maybe we can go to the new location tomorrow. Get some ice cream.” 

You blink a few times, mind still fuzzy. “Yeah, that’d be fun.” 

The remainder of the ride is quiet. When he pulls into the parking lot of your apartment complex, you’re swift to gather your things into your lap, still buzzing. “Thanks for the ride back,” you say, biting on your lower lip as a loud silence stretches. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

He wants to walk you to your door, but he fears he’s already overstepped. “Yup. G’night.” 

Eddie curses under his breath as the door snaps shut behind you. After running a hand down his face, a tube lipstick catches his attention in the passenger seat. It takes him a few seconds to grab it and follow after you. By then, you’ve already made it inside and up the short flight of stairs. When the door of the complex closes behind him, it cuts off a cacophony chirping insects. 

Upon making it to the second floor, there’s something intimate about seeing you standing under the dim, humming lights fiddling with your keys. It isn’t until you get the door open that you regard him. 

His smile is sheepish, unlike him in every way. “You forgot this.” He reads the label as if he hadn’t committed it to memory during his short trip up the stairs, “Strawberry Crush, New Hydrating Formula.” A boyish smile buds on his face as he holds it out to you. 

“Oh my gosh, thank you so much.” Contrary to your words, there’s no inflection of surprise in your tone as you take it from him. Forgetting hadn’t been a mistake. His eyes flit inside to get a glimpse of your apartment. “Maybe I can give you a proper tour tomorrow after ice cream,” you offer. 

Eddie shoves his hands into his pockets. “Sure, I’m down.”

He waits until you’re inside to walk back to his truck. You rush to peep out your living room window to watch him climb into the truck. He doesn’t pull away like you expect him to. Instead, he stays parked. Headlights shining, attracting moths and other flying things. The urge to see him one last time overpowers your better judgment in a fight that lasts all of five seconds. 

In record time, you’re back outside. He rolls down his window as you approach. 

“Forget something else?” 

“I did, actually.”

You rest your forearms on the window sill and he instinctively leans towards you, warm eyes searching your face trying to get a read. In another life, he sees your next move coming. In this one, it seems too good to be true: a kiss as soft as they come to the sounds of the night.

-

Any and all interaction appreciated. I see you <3

[moonshadowmystique]

The Right Person at the Wrong Time - A Reflection on Timing and Connection

All our lives, we have heard stories that involve the right person turning up at the wrong time. This concept is jarringly alarming because it layer-peels the facade of finding the right individual in regard to love, connection, or relationship. This indicates, if explained better, that two people fitting for each other might fail to emerge when the various elements of life are against their coming together.

What does it even mean to meet the right person at the wrong time?

The Complexity in Timing

Timing is an invisible force that shapes the connections we make, often in ways of which we are barely aware. You might meet your dream person, that person who checks all the boxes or sees the world through a filter instituted by your soul. But with you not being emotionally available, probably still recovering from injuries of the past, or perhaps in the middle of some personal crisis, such connection might just not blossom. On the other hand, it could be them who is dealing with troubles at this stage, which means they cannot also be fully present.

This is extra challenging because, by nature of things, there is tension between what we feel and what reality presents. There is almost something tragic in the beauty of having found someone incredible but at the wrong time. You're forced, then, to think that love and connection are about more than logical matches, but two lives crossing at a certain point where access and readiness are aligned.

The 'What If' Paradox

That is the question that will haunt when the right person shows up at the wrong time: What if things were different? It's such a haunting thought, and then you are left to wonder how, in some other world, maybe it would have worked between the two of you. You have a vision of how this might have been the case with another chapter of your life. You could run yourself into sleepless nights with 'what ifs' and yearn for something that may never be resolved.

But harboring such questions in one's mind forever would render living in the present light of day an impossibility. It is very human to reflect on the paths not taken, but living in the country of 'what ifs' blinds you to the new opportunities staring you in the face.

Growth, Timing, and Readiness

It might be that meeting the right person at the wrong time sometimes serves a great purpose. Sometimes such experiences will teach us more about ourselves, or perhaps are a reflection of where we need to grow or what we need to let go of to be truly ready for a meaningful connection in the future. Other times, the person you meet is but a mirror reflecting the work yet to be done on yourself.

That person may remind you that deep love is deserved by you, even if at the time that is not fated to be with them. They may provide a catalyzing agent that impels you to align your life through means that serve to better prepare you in the future for a relationship be it with them or someone else.

Embracing Imperfection

One of the most painful things we may learn is that imperfection meets us around every corner in life, and love is no different. Yes, even when we think we have found that person who fits every category on our ostensibly perfect list, it's not as if the universe necessarily plays a role in ensuring that all that lines up. That's just part of the mystery—and frustration—of being human.

But perhaps, other than cruel fate, that is the profound message: love is not about everything working out perfectly. It means the understanding that connections, no matter the depth, sometimes do not come out with fairy tales. It is about embracing the will-o'-the-wisps, beautiful moments for what they are and not necessarily needing them to last.

Moving Forward with Ease

So, what happens when you are in this situation? There isn't some simple answer to this proposition, nor is a one-size-fits-all solution for anything. Some can hold onto the hope that one day, in the future, the timing shall be right and the stars align. While others let go, realizing that even while a connection was powerful, yet it simply wasn't meant to be a permanent fixture in our lives.

Both are correct. The key is to move with elegance. Life, with all the moments of its unpredictability, is a journey that's really full of twists and turns. That person at the wrong time could have been one chapter in your story, but it need not define the whole narrative. Every experience in life adds to your growth, even the bittersweet ones.

Ultimately, the concept of meeting the right person at the wrong time invites us to consider what love, timing, and self-awareness are all about. It reminds us that not everything is about chemistry but about being prepared—about two people meeting at the crossroads of their journeys in life, ready to take that step together. And sometimes, such journeys are meant to meet only briefly, leaving an indelible mark but no permanent union. In those moments, we can only respectfully acknowledge the bond for what it was and know that each interaction—every human contact—is a part of our development and continues to shape us into who we are and who we will become.

[threadsoflacee]

Ok so about the panel today…. Yes it was awkward but I do not think that’s the hostess Rotem or Hugh and Mads’ fault. This show is a decade old and only had 3 seasons. There have already been multiple panels just this year so it can get difficult to come up with New interesting things to talk about. And I think u guys also need to chill with the s4 questions. If it was actually in the works Hugh and Mads would not give the vague answers they gave. Yes we all want season 4 but we have to accept that it’s Not going to happen (Or highly unlikely to happen). Instead we should ask them questions about all the 3 seasons there already is!!!! Hannibal is a beautiful show with the most complex storyline and intricacies that has ever been made and it deserves to be treated as such. And we need to move past asking them DO YOU GUYS KISS IN SEASON 4!?!? Let’s keep the kissing and sexing and loving on social media. Also if I see someone else talking badly about the hostess…… U would not b able to say a word in front of Mads Mikkelsen and Hugh Dancy and all of the audience AND the whole thing being live and on stage. She did great. The energy just wasnt right and thats OK. As Ive said this is an old show and the actors will not have the same enthusiasm as the fans. They have also been working hard with multiple projects lately and r probably very tired. They r humans too. LETS JUST ENJOY THIS PANEL AND THE ONES BEFORE AND THE FACT THE FANDOM IS STILL ALIVE AFTER A DECADE!!!!!!

[m1ssunderstanding]

Midas Man Reaction

I watched this using a google drive version from @skydiamonded thank you, thank you!

Spoilers under the cut!!!

Weird looking at this guy and trying to tell myself he's Brian. He's a very Brian type of guy but still he's not Brian. 

I do love the first person narration and the instantly shattered fourth wall.

I love seeing his Jewish faith and culture in a way that wasn't publicly as prominent when he was alive. 

Honestly didn't know adding a significant record store to their furniture store was Brian's idea. I'm looking every new thing I learn up because biopics can be very misleading, but this is fun!

I am absolutely Reveling in the contrast between crisp, classy Brian and the squalor of the cavern. So good! 

Guys I'm a sucker for this stuff. John comes on stage swigging something talking in awful German and then there's Paul whoring it up flirting having a personal conversation with some girl in the crowd. And the John/Paul banter! I'm falling for it so hard. 

(John girls I will give it to you, you guys got shafted with the looks of this actor)

Same, Brian. I get it. I'd be in love with them too. 

The incessant mocking of his posh accent Thank You!

Paul's face. I've definitely seen this irl. He loves watching John do his acerbic wit thing. Reminds me of that one quote that basically said Paul used John's cruelty to his own advantage. 

The confidence of Brian just deciding to be a manager. The actor is doing such a good job of capturing that duality in Brian of part timid awkwardness part brazen optimism. 

The Spain dialogue! How can they tease that and not include the trip?!?! Also John dropping Hemingway and Brian's pleasant surprise. Just you wait, Brian. 

“My Gran takes pills for that” genuinely got me.

The way they look at each other is accurate even if John doesn't look a thing like himself

“I think you're special. I think you'll go all the way. And I promise I will look after you.” Whether Brian said it that way out loud at the time or not it's what he felt. And that was so so important. They needed someone to say that and mean it so badly. Look how he's looking at them!

“Like family. Only better. No secrets from each other.” Break my fucking heart not even twenty minutes in why don't you? Brian you deserved to live in the future. I'm so sorry you had to be put here in the time you were.

I will say the makeover breaks my heart. I get that it was necessary, but it hurts. 

Ringo's grey steak and his accent and his friendly tough older cousin demeanor!!!

You hear Paul singing as they drive up, fantastic. And the little shoulder pat as they go in, “alright Brian.” John's little line about the time jump is fun too. 

Pete's drumming is patently bad. Thank You!

The whole John railing on Brian and Paul telling him to leave off I think is probably accurate, but. With all the quotes I have in my documents about Paul actually being the one who gave Brian the most trouble, I have to wonder if we're going to see that complexity or if we're going to stick to the “mean John, nice Paul” stereotypes. 

But also Paul definitely does not stick up for Pete. (Who he also picked at much more than John irl) Anyway I love to see the strategic reigning in or letting loose of John's temper for me.

Again with the class contrasts!!! These fucking snobs talking down to Brian I can't. It's just another proof of the boys’ need for him and his management. And not just because he's socially higher than them, but can you see John handling that shit well? No. That ass hat would get decked. 

The pride with which he says “My boys” to those douchebags after all of that!!!

“Asked you and Daddy for a car” is a great line.

I got so scared when that guy came up so suddenly like that because I know how violent some of those encounters were. It breaks my heart for him. 

And then the pills. It got so cold so fast. 

Those secretaries should be in charge of those record companies is what I'm getting here. 

I knew he was going to lie and say that he got them the contract. I wonder if he did irl. Something else I'll have to look up but it does make sense with what I know of Brian. He just loves them so so much. “I can't bear their disappointment when they feel I've let them down.” 

The George actor overdoes the accent a bit but I really love the facial expressions. I've seen that one a million times. 

Also love that John and Paul are facing each other. Very nice. 

No one is going to hold a candle to the actual Paul's voice but what are you going to do? 

They've got Paul's need for John's approval right though. John's already said all sorts of positive things and Paul's immediately fishing for more.

Yes! Paul is George Martin's very special favorite baby boy and it would be wrong to play it otherwise. 

I should've said this before but it's driving me crazy in this scene. Why is George's hair significantly lighter than John's? 

Interesting that it doesn't even show Brian talking to the others about sacking Pete. 

“It's my sound. They're all doing it now. Ringo.” What is this bullshit? Insinuating Ringo copied Pete's sound? Why did they put that in there? Ew, take it out!

Look at him, already so at ease and happy. I love you, Ringo! 

See I knew it was going to get more violent. Ugh it twists my stomach. And his poor terrified face when the guy says he knows him. He was so scared of his secret life having a negative affect on the boys career. And then Brian telling us straight to our faces about being brutally beaten and helping the man afterwards. It's cutting. Such a contrast from the upbeat, prideful Brian of many of the other camera-facing narrations. 

The sharp turnaround of Alastair overhearing the end of Brian's little aside here though! I love the way this movie is playing with perspective and curtains. Very much a nod to Brian's behind the scenes work on behalf of the biggest group in the history of the world. 

Love how the Beatles are annoyed that Brian doesn't offer any details about them when he's going through his lineup! Very clever, very them!

Cilla clearly knows Brian's gay and she's the first one that's made that clear. At least to me! Maybe the scene with the prellies and the Beatles teasing him about that was something. But she's the first where it's obvious she knows. And he's so moved that she's just casually okay with his sexuality.

Then we get him apologizing to his family right after. It's getting to the point where I'm like I don't know what there is to say. 

Paul being the class-conscious one. Very good, very good. 

John “might even swear” Brian “please don't” Paul “he won't” Okay I know where they're going with this it's obviously going to be the rattle your jewelry” line. But they're going with the stereotype here of Paul reigning John in when really he was backstage daring John to say it. 

Achhhh this does bug me. Okay I know I'm the most insufferable Paul girl and it's Brian's movie. But! John's little look to the side as he says that line is at Paul, not Brian. Because, like I said before, Paul had been egging him on, and he's like “see I'm doing it” 

The scene with Ed Sullivan in the burger joint is reminding me of the Elvis movie. And it's nice. If anyone else is reminded of that it'll be a stark contrast between Brian and the general or whatever his name is. 

So happy that he can connect with Nat in this way even though they're from completely different worlds in every way other than their Jewish backgrounds. 

Still overwhelmingly annoyed they took out the romance with John to invent this Tex character. For multiple reasons. It's just not the truth for one thing. For another, it's a less interesting story. Brian is less complicated. The romance is flatter. Not a fan. 

But. In one way it's nice that he gets to be in a less complicated real relationship. Unless this is going to be like the Tex from the comic book which doesn't end well at all :/. What am I saying of course it can't end well. Ugh. 

Ringo’s tummy troubles! Ringo calling John a posh puddin! Thank Fuck!

It is very much driving home the fact that they're a rare bright spot in his life. 

John starting the pillow fight all agro and then instantly backing off “now lads take it easy” we love the accuracy!

Oh. Colonel. I knew that. 

Another thing I'm going to have to look up. Did they really have to stop the show twice due to a jelly bean barrage? Actually so many fun details in this little narration. A fish truck? Really? You couldn't have chosen any other vessel? hashtag acab. 

“I” made it clear? They're saying it's Brian's decision they won't perform to segregated audiences? Mkay. He's fantastic enough with his actual progressive actions and ideals. You can give the boys some credit for their own actions without losing anything for Brian. 

Brian screaming with all the girls. Cute! I do just have to say this is a George Martin story. But I'm sure Brian did it at some point too.

That stings! Going from all this huge success Brian of Brian's to his dad looking proud, making a toast, and I assumed it must be a party in Brian's honor but no. It's his brother's wedding. 

Wait I'm confused now. Does Cilla not know? 

I do love that she's concerned for him and expressing that. Because we know the boys aren't going to do that. 

Poor baby he's absolutely elated that Tex is here.

I don't want to shame like I have read that Brian liked it rough although who knows if the writers of these statements are homophobes leaning into stereotypes of the time anyway there's obviously nothing wrong with rough sex. But I want Tex to be sweet and gentle with him because it looks like Brian is flinching and why wouldn't he be after what he's been through?

Also I hate that he's like “how can I get him to love me and stay with me etc” and he says he'll make him a star even though obviously he can't promise that and he's so so stretched thin already. 

Yep I hate Tex more and more. The yelling is awful holy shit.

Clearly Brian is only happy when he's with the Beatles. 

So this is them trying to put a little “vibe” between John and Brian? Having them have a "deep looking" discussion from a safe distance at a crowded party? Not really working imo.

But this is nice. I've seen this picture before. Look at cute cuddly Ringo. I adore that about him. For the one of them with the toughest background to be the most comfortable and easy with his affection. It's beautiful. 

What the fuck!!! Tex is openly just chatting up someone else at Brian's party and Brian sees him as he's bringing them drinks and just retreats like that's what he deserves. Somebody give this sweet man some actual love!

The stark contrast between the silly, upbeat -- hectic yes -- but happy 64 tour narration and this. It's almost black and white it's so dim and muted and though the music is slow, Brian is talking very very fast and the drinks and pills are much faster than last time too. 

Again. Interesting that it's presented as Brian who declined Marcos in the Philippines. “They grab the boys and they drag them away.” I've never heard an account say it was that bad, but maybe it was? I don't know, I think if it was, John and George would've said so at some point post break-up. 

This is very interesting cinematic work. I don't know shit about anything but it strikes me as a very interesting choice to make this terrible time gradually fade into extremely sharp colorless chaos. The cute little maps and cut aways to contextualizing scenery are gone and it’s just Brian panicking backed by silhouetted violence.

And then he forces himself to get it together, talks slower, straightens himself out, presumably because he does what he has to do to protect the boys. 

“Right. Are you coming in?” “Do you think that I would let you out of my sight, John?” It's so good. I hope this is what it was. 

Paul's protective press conference answer comes off a bit more "team player" than "angry boyfriend" for one reason. IRL he jumps in, on this occasion and many others, without being addressed at all. Here, they ask specifically for a comment from the other three and George's comment comes first. Annoying. But overall t's very well done. And Brian is so proud of them all for being so strong in the face of all this stupidity. 

I love that Brian is protective of them and supportive of their decision to stop touring. I wonder how much of a say they actually gave him in that. 

“The press misquotes them, they can't be themselves, and if you can't be yourself . . .” He's so sweet. This takes me back to the family without secrets thing at the beginning. It's all so “well I know how awful this or that can be so I'm going to spare them from that” 

I didn't know creme or the who were involved with Brian too. Another thing to look up! 

Thank goodness for Nat Weiss. If only he and Brian could've been together. 

I know it's not fair to expect too much of them with everything they were going through but I kind of hate all four Beatles right now. Brian crying about Paul not coming to a party and Paul's letter (well- meant that man had a very fucked up perspective on love and other complexities himself) about Brian just choosing not to be depressed is echoing in my head. 

Yes, Brian's shit father. There was something you didn't give your son. Only the most important thing there is. 

Eek they look so shockingly different. I wonder if it was that jarring for him. Why is it John that doesn't have the mustache? It was just Paul that had it, then the other three immediately followed, then just Paul that shaved it. Who knows what they're thinking here. Probably just didn't think about it, or maybe the John actor was just too hideous with a mustache?

“And I have a proposal.” “Brian, I do.” “Finally!” See, that dialogue could've worked so much better if they'd been truthful about the sexual side to John and Brian's relationship. 

“I think I'll be leaving the band now,” says George, at the mention of a film. I'm dead. 

Why is Ringo wearing tons of blush and eyeshadow? 

This little moment is great though just because it's John and Paul interested and participating in the direction of the band and George and Ringo along for the ride. 

The Paul actor did such a great job. His little giggle at John's dad joke is perfect. That's exactly what Paul sounds like.  

Why are they leaning so hard into George being the funny one in this movie? This whole movie it's him with the little quips. The phone thing is very Paul's humor though. Good, good. God I'm so annoyingly obsessed with him. 

It's very much leaning into the argument that Brian's death was accidental. I like to think that's the truth and there's certainly a strong case. The big plans with the Beatles and outside them too. The fact that his mother very much needed him after his father's death and he's got plans to take care of her. But there are also sources that say he was actually hospitalized due to suicide attempts. So. I don't know. 

Now we do the Buddhist bit. Arms around. That's something very different. But this makes me think of that quote, and I hope they did this too and I hope they included Brian.

John's just so tiny lmao I'm actually obsessed!

I love that the last line was about Brian saying he was “on top of the world”. 

You know what, I think we can choose to believe what we want about Brian’s death, and until someone presents me with empirical untenable objective evidence, I’m choosing to believe it was accidental. Doesn’t mean it’s not absolutely tragic. Doesn’t mean he didn’t have serious mental health problems. But it does mean he wanted to stick around despite all the hardships in his life for the good he was able to do and the joy he took in doing it.

[basiliomagnus]

This quote made me think, how do you think tastes and styles of cooking differ between the tribes? Each party member has their own style of food, but Eupha and maybe Heismay are the main ones who we could extrapolate things about their culture from.

I think that paripus food definitely uses the most spices. Rhoag food uses the least

oh im so glad at least one person asks me this i've been thinking like. too much about tribe culinary profiles lately

so to start a while ago i tried to group all the principalities into their climates and ecosystems right. aside from the fact roussainte are fuckin everywhere from what we know:

oceana has a healthy fishing business and is mostly woodland, through they have a small stretch of arid land from central euchronia

central euchronia is high in desert and (presumably) arid soils, though for the purpose of sustaining grand trad let's say that south euchronia contains fertile wetland

montario is extremely mountainous and cold BUT it also has that patch of thick forest though a lot of the fauna there are like. venomous and spit fire

virga island

so when i think about the food part of their cultures i tried to keep in mind where a majority of the tribes seem to be located and how that would have impacted their culinary development, assuming that the population has been relatively consistent since the annex war. there's also their individual values to consider (VERY LONG UNDER CUT)

clemar are like, white brits, so i think assuming they have similar food to irl england is a good starting place. thanks to central euchronia having the desert climate it does however i think mostly in oceana do they have fish as part of their meals and in grand trad its mostly a delicacy. a lot of local dishes that are made up of what can be found lying around, nothing too complex, but due to the nature of where grand trad Is i think they lack a lot of real "desserts" that aren't considered a luxury (sugar is expensive)

roussaintes NEED high protein meals to sustain the amount of physical work they do, so i think meat and leafy green vegetables are a staple in most dishes. lentils, tofu (soybeans are actually really protein dense), nuts, the like. roussainte in montario probably have a lot of spice in their meals for cold weather but to also manage their appetite during military work.

rhoag are a tricky case but hear me out: i feel like a lot of their food takes after other tribes due to how long they live. it's probably customary for a rhoag to wander around a lot in all the time they have to live, so a lot of what they cook ends up influenced by all the other tribes in different ways. as for methods i imagine that they focus on recipes that don't require much physical labor (spending most of your long life in your geriatric stage probably isn't great), so a lot of soups, pan fried stuff, grilling, etc. is probably shared around.

ishkia are almost 100% spice fiends, if you're like me and assume they have bird-like traits in a lot of places they probably have much higher spice tolerance than most other tribes, in addition to their climate requiring warmer meals. a lot of farmwork is probably done down in the lush forest area because mountain farming is historically a bitch and a lot of Brain Food can't be grown in the cold. heavy "brain food" presence in casual meals (fatty fish, coffee, collard greens). a lot of roots, mushrooms, and foragables that grow in cold climates (snowpeas, watercress, acorn, etc) at high altitudes are common, though this sounds horrible bc you cant really Get them anywhere else in euchronia.

nidia because of the Everything read to me as having a high dependence on magla-rich food and stuff that grows low to the ground. a lot of root vegetables (carrots, potatoes, turnips) and berries (straw, blue, the likes) that can be infused during the growing process. lot of emphasis on eye health on that note (leafy greens, citrus, probably raise a lot of chickens for eggs in their villages). theyre very fae folk inspired to me so i imagine a lot of their delicacies are an important part of their culture (muffins, candied flowers, tarts, yknow)

paripus probably take a lot after recession foods given their status and wide-spreadedness, a lot of cheap options like rice, beans, grains, fruits and meat dried. however i also see them as having a large amount of "leftovers" or "community" foods yknow? stuff like hunters stew or bread pudding or salads, generally stuff you can make with what's left over after a big meal and you can share with other people. i think they probably have a lot of "loose" recipes with easy replacements or things you can swap out if you don't have them.

eugief society is analogous to japanese culture if you look at the architectural styles of heismay's village and his clothing so they probably have a lot that's taken from there haha. fish, savory foods, big on spices and they probably invented some form of oil frying. i imagine that the area between oceana and euchronia is heavy in rice production due to the hot and humid climate, on that note

mustari are very analogous to southeast asian/pacific islander culture! lot of rice, game, seafood, emphasis on pairing sweet with salty or savory. i imagine a lot of steamed or roasted foods. mustari that came to the capital or montario probably ended up having to mix traditional styles with the ones present there, esp due to the lack of ingredients that were only capable of being found on the archipelago (side note: here's a nice article about this stuff that i found interesting)

as for elda theyre like. they remember shit from the old world. i know this probably just means they understand how to cook meat the best and get how to properly process certain foods with what cooking material but what if will came out and showed people how to make french fries. imagine

[regular-gnome]

huh...

So when the Archivist find a planet capable of sustaining life but currently without life, they... Release single celled organisms? ...Just to archive them in the future? That's so odd to me.

Why not just wait, is archiving some sort of deep-seated urge or instinct that they NEED to do? Isn't it counterproductive to not just let life naturally develop, or is artificially creating new life apart of the reason they exist?

The short answer (its kinda a tdlr, the text got long)

So life develops slowly and needs stable conditions, what is hader when things like stars have finite lifespans (our Sun is already halfway through!). The Starchildren can’t create life or bring it back, and not all planets have the right conditions for it to start in time when planet is habitable, but might adapt once it’s there. They treat planets bit like gardens in a region where apocalypses are common, with the Archive serving as a storage for seeds, saplings, and tools. Its more usable and not as much lifeless museum of life

Most planets do well on their own, so only parts are collected but beyond that left alone, and some are destroyed or struggle to progress beyond microbes. In those cases, they might step in to improve conditions or remove threats. Sometimes, they just observe how life adapts to what chaos it has. If it can.

There are also personal reasons for work, things like attachment or desire for control, but their mission began when the first life-sustaining planet was destroyed, leaving them alone in the void believing everything was lost forever. When life SLOWLY re-emerged on other worlds, they began preserving and protecting it, spreading across the void.

Long answer under the cut

Life in general develops extremely slowly. Earth is around 4.5 bln years old (Ga), it's estimated that it took around 1,1Ga to go from anoxygenic bacteria to aerobic bacteria (after some ox producing bacteria ruined the party for all those who couldnt deal with it, also called Great Oxygenation Event). From there, it took roughly 0,5 Ga for eukaryotic cells to develop. Shortly after (like 0.1 Ga), life transitioned from single-celled to multicellular organisms. In comparison it took 1.7 Ga for evolution to progress from algae to humans—about 1.6x faster than the journey from primordial soup to microbes

There could be planets capable of supporting life that are just off the mark, preventing organic material from developing well enough. Some might have all the right conditions but lack the right combination of energy sources, maybe too far from a star, maybe something else. But, once life forms and we get a "Last Universal Common Ancestor" (LUCA) It could spiral to the point where, as on Earth, almost no surface remains untouched by life (you really don’t want to know how many bacteria are on your phone). But thats only really because life got a really good footing here. If a catastrophic event wiped out all complex life, bacteria adapted to extreme would probably be fine and maybe evolve further.

If primitive cells formed under specific conditions and those suddenly changed, all that progress could halt or go back entierly to a primordial soup (Going with the Heterotrophic Theory, this is my gen favourite term for this, soup). And there is another aspect. Suns are not eternal; our sun, at ~4.5 Ga, is already halfway through its lifecycle before becoming a red giant. At that point, Earth will lose its "habitable" status. If Earth went through a hard reset, and assuming everything went the same, next intelligent life might be one witness their star’s death, sooo there is a finite window of habitability.

Each evo step is faster than the last one, Archivists intervene at mostly early stages making the beginning bit smoother, more controlled. They aim to make planets with potential more habitable or stoping them from losing it. For example they might create an atmosphere if one lacks it but is otherwise perfect, and past that let life develop naturally.

And even with perfect conditions, factors like astronomical events could mess up whole process. In the infinite space it's not really a question of if but more which planet heads into a catastrophe, so they stay around. Archive functions like a backup, preserving progress where possible. If a planet faces extinction, they might change the enviroment, whatever is esponsible for it, maybe introduce creatures more capable of surviving—or even short-lived organisms, some that arent meant to survive but will provide enough short term nutrients for the native organisms to pull through.

That being said they usually try to avoid too much interferance, sometimes its just patching up small element before it becomes an problem. But sometimes they will just stay clear. If one is doing okay or particularly fascinating they'll stay back and watch how it adapt to the unique environments. World where due to temperatures the only habitable zone is on the edge of a star’s light? Organisms adaptation might give some insight for future and give templates for backing up similar ecosystems elsewhere. But there are limits to their interference. If saving a planet requires more effort than its results justify, they let it fade, something Wayfarer was upset about

There’s also a personal element. Archivists sometimes release life forms they’re familiar with—ancestors of creatures they once befriended. While they know these won’t develop into the same beings, it’s comforting to see familiar traits re-emerge (and to know how to deal with them). When universe is so hellbend on reminding of inevitable end, its a small victory.

Those are some words about methods, when it comes to why they even start its bit diffrent. The Starchildren’s mission stems from witnessing the first total extinction of life on a first developed planet. Unable to create life or reverse what had happened, they were confronted with the vast emptiness of the void and believed all was lost, that was it. And then saw the painfully SLOW emergence of life elsewhere, collectors agreed on a mutual goal to prevent life fading out of existance, not taking for granted it will work out. Bit ironic joke of fate that ones suited to live in isolation of void are also one to seek company. When the only other comapny is one that lives in blink of an eye its easy for the unguided Starchildren with almost divine power develop some quirks and complexes (not an excuse, just a reason).

But maybe its by design, just the right trait to have something always watching tirelessly over the gardens, ensuring there is someone there. I wouldn't say there isn't a quiet internal push for it, a drive that took root in the right environment and grew into a lifelong mission. Magic, like energy, isn’t created—it once formed part of Everything. When Everything awakened, it wanted to be more, sought to ensure there would always be something

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Hi beautiful, I hope your day is going well😽

So I have some 18+ ateez questions/hard thoughts if you’ll indulge me.

I’ll start with mingi since he’s my bias lol.

Switch but sub leaning mg yes?

Soooo….. my question for you is, what do you think it’ll take to get dom mg? I personally don’t think jealousy, I think he’s too soft for that.😅

I see him getting whiny and feeling heavy hearted if let’s say, his partner was to flirt with others to get a rise out of him. Rather than getting possessive and that let me remind you who you belong to energy. I feel 50/50 about teasing I think teasing him may bring out his dom side but then again it could also bring out his needy subby side…

Of course you could just ask him straight out to take charge but that doesn’t exactly equate to being dominant… I don’t think when he doms he’ll be a hard dom at all, more of a soft dom is what I think. But how would you achieve that side of him because I definitely think he has a more assertive/dom side to him but again how? what will get him to show that side, and what do you think that side would be like.

Moving onto hwa, my bias wrecker.

100% care giver energy.

with that being said do you think he’d like being taken care of and prioritized the way he would do his partner. In a non s and s context.

In a more s context do you think he’d allow himself to just enjoy whatever his partner has in store for him without reciprocating at all?

I personally don’t think so, but I’d love to hear your thoughts on it. I personally think he’d get the most pleasure from pleasing his partner in any way more than anything.

Of course I don’t think he’d hate being taken care of, I just think he’d rather be the one taking care of his partner than the other way around in general..

(Only two members because I don’t want to overwhelm you with a super long ask..)

Oooh okay so I'm on the train and I have pushed this aside so I can finally give this ask the detail and validation it deserves because these make AMAZING points and insight!

Disclaimer: These are just my thoughts, don't take it too seriously.

Why is Mingi your bias? I love learning about why ppl bias certain members and their reasoning behind it.

In my mind, Mingi is a switch with a sub leaning and I honestly do feel him getting jealous and/or possessive would flip that switch into dom!mingi territory.

The thing about Mingi though is he's a smart man and he'll figure out probably whether you're flirting with others to get a rile out of him and pls the man is a Leo sun-

So I think the chances of him flirting with another girl out of spite is more likely because the man is needy but he can also be BRATTY too.

I honestly think he has more brat tendencies in him than Wooyoung but he just hides it better.

However- I will also say that another way for him to flip into dom!mingi is maybe after a fight where he knows you're upset OR if you're feeling insecure about an aspect of the relationship.

He's the ultimate care-giver/ pleasure switch so omg you don't think he loves you enough? What has he not been doing right??

And so I feel this would push him into a headspace of seeking control as a means to 'prove himself' by being dominant and worshipping you...but still in a needy, soft-hearted way.

'My baby feels good yeah? I know you do but I want to hear you say it, it makes me so hard when I hear you hear you say it'

Ooh okay so Hwa is definitely living with that care-giver complex but he definitely needs some reciprocation and I can attest to this because I'm like an Aries stellium like him.

He's an Aries Mars and what makes them harder than a brick is FEELING DESIRED!!! They need to know you want this as bad as they do!!

It's a big reason why he becomes a different person on stage because when he's performing and he can feel the audience consumed by his presence-

Oh honey it unlocks a desire in him that's almost primal.

It's why a lot of ppl are like 'why is Seonghwa still performing after his grandfather has passed?'

And it's because the adrenaline/testosterone/dopamine effect he has whilst performing is helping him grieve and process those feelings- us Aries work well under pressure for a reason.

So yes while I feel he still prefers to give rather than receive, he has to feel like your desire and needs are matching his in the moment.

So, I do feel in moments of vulnerability that he would let you take care of him and can just lay back and just receive- he would probably have to reciprocate like a day later or so.

But sex is an important love language for him so he'd use anything as an excuse to be intimate.

You could buy him a lego set he's been anxiously anticipating for and he would say thank you by wanting to rock your world-

He's an Aries Mars after all so he prefers quickies and short sessions to an endless round of love-making.

So in summary, Seonghwa is more of an attention-whore than most people expect.

'Did you see Mommy up on stage my precious, little star mmmh?? How wet did I make you??? Is your cunt all needy because of me?'

Feel free to send in more thoughts about the other members, it'll just take awhile for me to respond haha

[writing-for-life]

Dream and How He Experiences Love

(Or: When the Unreal is at War with the Real, and Finally Understanding Unconditional Love Tightens the Noose Around Your Neck That Has Been There All Along)

And as always: Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!

Let me start this one with a few adjectives from the horse’s mouth (aka: Neil Gaiman said so 🤣) as to what Dream is actually like:

from: Vertigo Chase Card Set

So in short: This is probably the most accurate way to describe Dream in a nutshell, from the author himself, fully knowing that Murphy doesn’t lend himself well to be described in a nutshell.

And of course it’s absolutely fine if we want to head-canon him just being 5 out of those 50 (or none of them at all)—our stories are our own. At the end of the day, we went through a whole year of Tumblrfication (I might have made up that word), and getting back to the series will be tough. So is trying to align what the current prevalent perception of Dream is like in parts of the fandom, and what he is like in both comics and series (show and comics really aren’t that different where it matters, and I’ll die on that hill). I already worry about the fallout if I look at what happened with GO or OFMD, but that just as an aside.

Anyway, Dream in fandom spaces is often portrayed as either a pathetic wet cat who can’t get to grips with anything and constantly needs rescued in one way or another, or as a completely unfeeling arsehole incapable of relating to the human experience and being horrible all around. There are very few shades of grey in how some fans perceive him, when just the list of above adjectives shows us how complex he is as a character.

One thing that obviously comes up regularly are his relationships, be they romantic or platonic. So I just wanted to draw attention to the adjectives that relate strongly to the relational element in him (although they all apply in one way or another):

touchy, sentimental, cold, loving, [elusive], gentle, hurt, deep, intense, solitary, romantic, shy, intangible, lonely

Dream is the unreal. His way of loving relates very deeply to what stereotypical romantic love is: Romance and reality are a contradiction in terms—romanticism is dreaming because it is, at its very core, an idealised view. The intangible dream that comes back to bite us in the arse once reality sets in. And his flavour of love is the prototype of idealised and intangible (=romantic) and can never be anything else by his very nature.

And I’ve often thought that the way he experiences love is also a large part of why his existence is so difficult for him, and why he ultimately makes the choices he makes. Yes, he detests his function, but if he weren't so lonely (and weren't doomed to be so by his very purpose), he might find it easier to bear.

Let me look at, and draw parallels to, the 7 types of love as the Ancient Greeks perceived them [quick note about the image references: I would have loved to give more, but there is a limit. Also: Apologies I have no alt text for the comic panels at this point, I might add them at a later stage if I find the time]…

Eros

That’s both sexual and romantic love (to varying degrees), and it can be fleeting (like a dream) if not anchored in a less idealised view. So there’s your first cue—he totally experiences that kind of love.

The Ancient Greeks also thought it was a dangerous type of love, one that clouds our judgment and one that won’t last if not combined with some of the other types. And Dream himself knows this and probably relates (he detests his sibling Desire for “meddling”, after all). And yet, he is the intangible, the ungrounded, the unreal.

It’s all over every single one of his relationships we witness:

Killalla—“gifted” by Desire. We never get any cue as to what exactly they were up to, but it can be assumed desire, for whatever, played a large part in their relationship. Killalla makes no secret about it either (and is at the same time uncertain whether she truly loves him while being confused Dream might actually love her after what seems a very short time, at least in cosmic terms). Suffice it to say, he has a very idealised view of her and their relationship. Romantic idiocy at its best: He has literal stars in his eyes and is so grateful for Desire’s help he is basically kissing their boots in gratitude.

Alianora—again one of Desire’s gifts. And Dream tried, and I definitely think he was at least romantically (and physically) attracted to her (the art is very hard to interpret otherwise, neither is the context--she was gifted by Desire, after all). But this relationship is generally a tricky one because there is gratefulness and guilt n the mix, and that is sometimes a very unfortunate combination. He also couldn’t fully trust her because of his deep mistrust of D/desire. And lo and behold, of course the relationship soured when romantic and (potentially physical) attraction waned.

Nada—pursuing each other on and off, broadcasting sexy time all over the Dreaming because he's just so head over heels and literally bursting at the seams—need I say more? Yes, he does say to her that her body does not matter to him, which I 100% believe is true. He also says that he will love her as no mortal man can. But everything that transpires is still deeply informed by romantic attraction, because quite frankly: You don't feel love yet after you've barely met someone. It's again a deeply idealised view and that is something inherently romantic in tandem (in this case) with physical desire. Again, because D/desire was involved.

As to the particulars of Nada’s banishment to hell, and why Dream acted so out of character compared to his other failed relationships: You can find all of it here.

Calliope—read her speech at the Wake is all I’ll say. That is someone making romantic love so integral to their whole existence, I don’t even know where to start. He puts the world at her feet and makes sure she always comes first (quite literally) while they are still loved up…

Thessaly—he's the romantic idiot (affectionately) in the rain with his coat billowing in the wind, and referring to her “weighing him dispassionately and finding him wanting”. It was only a handful of months--you don't feel true, stable love at that point. Again, it has the idealised view of romance (and potentially sexual desire) written all over it. He would have given her the world, just like he would have given the world to Nada and Calliope. That is the trope of every freaking romance novel, and that is exactly how he perceives love.

Titania—who knows, she keeps her mouth shut.

Ludus

I think he has a hard time to be flirtatious and playful (at least, we don't really see it. We never really see him during the courting stage, and what went down with Thessaly was hardly "flirtatious". `Then again, bickering like they did in A Game of You is electrifying to some, so who knows. She also said at his wake he was cautious and nervous). And if he comes across as flirtatious (there is a charming on that list of adjectives after all), it’s just because he is so deliberate in everything he does that he might just push someone’s (right) buttons, so to speak. But that’s not the same as “no strings attached”-love, because I honestly believe he’s incapable of experiencing love that way. There is no “casual” with him. He always stays attached to the people/women he once loved, even if the relationship sours. He still loves each and every single one of them, he never stops. But he also doesn’t in a way that’s sustainable, and it’s an unsolvable conflict due to what/who he is.

Philia

Most closely translated as friendship and affection. Platonic love, if you will. It is also a love between equals. He has a hard time with it and only slowly learns what it means through his relationship with Hob. Needless to say: The Ancient Greeks valued platonic love as one of the highest forms of love. Hence, I’m personally reluctant to turn it into something else/slant it towards romance, because that’s exactly what this part of the story is about: His relationship to Hob is important and grows/lasts because it is not romantic in the comics.

Storge

Unconditional love for family, especially children. Based on complete acceptance and potentially sacrifice. Doesn’t need to be reciprocated. You feel it, no matter what, and you act accordingly. And for Dream and Orpheus, that didn’t work until it did. Or, let’s rather say: I don’t want to assume he didn’t feel it. But he pushed it down in his hurt and pride (as did his son in his grief). No further comment, because that one hurts.

Agape

Altruistic, universal, all-encompassing. And that’s so deeply at the core of his being, and so central to his whole conflict that I don’t even know where to start. From not wanting to kill the first vortex (or Rose, for that matter), to telling John Dee he’s hurting the dreamers, and that being his main concern while he himself was writhing on the floor in agony, to “humanity I love you”, to a million other things. He cares so deeply, there is such a deep concern for sentient beings in their entirety that it’s quite literally impossible to call it anything other than love. And it’s also what plays a large part in his demise.

Pragma

Oh, here we go. I honestly believe he likes the idea of committed and long-lasting. And he’s trying. So very hard. Calliope is the best example. Alianora was another one, because it’s not like they broke up swiftly (hard to tell how long they lasted, but since she had stayed in the Dreaming too long to go anywhere else, it wouldn’t surprise me if we’re actually talking a very, very long time. He called it “a goodly while”, and considering how old he is, I doubt that equals only months, or even just a few years, especially since he is fully aware how short his relationship to Thessaly was). And he wanted to stay true to his promise. But he is who/what he is: the unreal. And as the personification of that, love both feels real for him but will also forever stay intangible. It’s heartbreaking really. Again, it has written the contradiction between romantic love (the ideal) and pragmatic love (the thing that is grounded in reality) written all over it.

Philautia

And that’s the most heartbreaking one. He is incapable of self-love and full of self-loathing instead. The Ancient Greeks used to say that you can’t give what you don’t have. And it’s hard to feel compassion for the flaws we perceive in others if we don’t have that self-compassion for the exact same flaw in ourselves. And that one hurts in so many ways, from his not being able to forgive himself (which is mirrored in his relationship to Nada, who also couldn’t forgive herself—she didn’t need his forgiveness, she needed her own) to Orpheus being so much like him apart from one major difference: he’s mortal in spirit, and even immortality doesn’t change that. And Dream struggles with the part of his child that is so like him for a million reasons that would burst this meta at the seams, but again: it’s hard to love in others what we detest in ourselves, knowingly or unknowingly.

So in short: The particular flavours of love Dream feels (Eros, Agape, Philia growing slowly over time) and the ones he doesn’t (Ludus, Pragma, Philautia) are also at the very root of how the story goes.

And when he finally truly understands what Storge/unconditional love is--both in the way he reassesses his relationship to Nada but especially in how he finally submits to his love for Orpheus (with all that entails)--and when he allows it to become real, it’s what tightens the noose around his neck. But that noose has been around his neck loosely all along…

[illegiblewords]

SOME ILLEGIBLE RAMBLES AND REFLECTIONS: THE DEAD THREE

Finished my first/main playthrough of Baldur’s Gate 3, and it’s had me turning over all sorts of ideas tied to Dungeons and Dragons lore. A bunch happens to be about cosmology so I'm slapping together one post about the Dead Three and a follow-up about deities more generally. Buckle up if you decide to proceed dudes. This is chunky and opinion/interpretation heavy. CW for mention (not extensive) of graphic violence and sex crimes during discussion of Bhaal and Yeenoghu.

MYRKUL

I get that there are multiple death-affiliated deities in DnD. Our buddy Jergal is the end of all things and the original incarnation of the concept. Myrkul stands for the experience of dying, decay, necromancy, graves, bones, and the fear of mortality. Kelemvor rules over the dead. Orcus is a demon lord and quasi-deity of undeath. Could prob go on.

I've read many different incarnations of death over the years. To set the stage on my Myrkul read, it bears mentioning that Terry Pratchett's Death is probably my favorite. I don't have it in me to see death as something totally malicious. It's very natural, and I tend to imagine that if there were to be an incarnation embodying it this persona would have an intimate view of all the love and grief, vulnerability and intimacy, ugliness and solitude, etc. that mortals deal with. Death has witnessed the end every living being faces, from the dawn of creation until now. Even if it isn't consciously accessed at all moments, death is ancient and experienced and not likely to be shocked by what mortals are capable of anymore. Mortals are small. Uncountably numerous though we are we are far outnumbered by the unliving. What are lives next to planets, to stars? Here I'd argue against assigning value according to how big or small something is, how eternal or how brief, how simple or complex. Everything that is, is a universe unto itself and deserves the gravity of that. It is also very mundane at the same time. To me, death needs to be able to balance the preciousness and commonality of life, of existence, on the tip of its scythe. Death needs to be able to deal with the most depraved beings to exist, but also with every beloved pet put to sleep. Every lost child or parent. Everyone who dies surrounded by loved ones and everyone who dies alone.

Initially, even knowing Myrkul in particular had been a mortal necromancer and not of particular moral standing--I had mixed feelings about him being the evilest of evil skeletons. He worked it well, but the idea of any aspect of death (or any character tbh) being flat evil felt off to me. Especially with 'we're all the protagonists of our own stories' being at work. People don't often look at what actions they'd consider to be evil then go 'I'm going to make myself that on purpose'. Disregarding morality maybe, but being evil on purpose is weird.

So I looked into further lore about Myrkul. One spot that gave me pause was that Myrkul as death (rather than the adventurer Myrkul Bey al-Kursi he’d once been) revels in inspiring fear of death and driving home experiences of loss. From what I found he isn't focused on the name of the individual holding the office of death, but for the force itself being feared. He can be bribed, and he will allow for necromancy/resurrections--but the fear and gravity of death is a sacred thing to him. Disregarding that is a pretty good way to get onto Myrkul's shitlist. I want to take a moment to emphasize the importance of Myrkul focusing on his portfolio over his own ego. That is far from a given in the DnD pantheon, and like I said he's a former mortal himself. It wouldn't be out of the question for him to be a petty and insecure deity. He could have been the sort of guy where becoming a god of death by itself wasn't enough power. If Myrkul was a different person, he might have wanted people to stroke his ego and say how strong he is. He might have been someone who felt inadequate as a god without that affirmation. He could have (as a character) been unsatisfied and forever wanting/dependent upon the views of others to define himself. The fact that he DOES focus on death and decay as forces rather than himself is a big deal in reading him imo.

Anyway. Myrkul's emphasis on death as something feared got me thinking about what would cause a person to put such weight on death being understood in its negative aspect. It struck me that this is actually a very common and even important thing. You don't need to demonize death to see it, either. If you value life as sacred, the idea of life being treated as cheap or disposable is horrifying. When you love something dearly, the idea of that beloved thing being defaced is beyond outrage. It's a kind of sacrilege. People who kill as casually as breathing, who revel in the permanent destruction of someone else, become a source of horror. The absence of love creates a sort of cruelty that can't even perceive itself. And it's not uncommon for human beings in particular to partake in this. Humans dance on the graves of those they deem enemies not because they're relieved to be safe, but because they glory in the end of other lives. They don't recognize that anything of value was lost. There is no tragedy in death anymore. Every gentle moment, every vulnerability, every tragedy in their opponent's life is something to be crapped on and gloated over. There is no greater insult to life itself. Myrkul stands as a reminder that such behavior cannot stand. You can't treat life or death as cheap. To see something horrific and fail to realize the weight of its horror is itself a form of horror. The idea of a death that demands to be acknowledged for what it is, particularly by the living, imo actually denotes a level of care for life too. It might be harsh or ugly, but I don't know about evil. So while Myrkul is certainly flawed and often serves as an antagonist, I’d argue the function he performs is not only important but necessary.

And while it might vary between players, I found Aylin's enthusiastic executions and body defiling pretty uncomfortable. I understand she went through a lot and am fine with her as a character. But I think Myrkul's point stands if the audience feels even a moment of disquiet seeing her celebrate over the corpse of a broken person.

Some things are meant to be ugly.

BANE

Of the Dead Three I find Bane the most disturbing and dangerous tbh—but not for how Gortash invokes him. Way I see it, the other word for tyranny is authoritarianism on a macro-level, abuse on an individual level.

I’d argue that in life, we can only healthily control ourselves and our own individual actions/choices. We can try to persuade others or appeal to their judgment, but we can’t MAKE another person think or act how we wish. When folks attempt otherwise (individually or more broadly) it involves fear, force, deceit, or other forms of pressure. Coercion, enslavement. These fall under the umbrella of tyrannical practice to me. You treat another person as subhuman and strip them of agency.

We don’t live in a pure and ideal world. If a tyrannical person is committing crimes and denying others their free will through force, I wouldn’t call defense through force tyrannical as long as it wasn’t needlessly excessive. Power struggles exist. But the whole practice of using fear, force, deceit, or pressure to control another person is dangerous imo. They're to be utilized as little as possible.

In DnD I don’t think the fringe evil cults would be the ones most at risk for corruption by Bane. I don't think individuals or groups who prioritize self-indulgence would be most at risk, either. The most dangerous and frequent disciples of Bane imo would be within good alignment. This means followers of benevolent gods as well as the nations or groups that consider themselves to have righteous causes. ESPECIALLY those with chips on their shoulders.

When someone assumes they have and always will have the moral high ground, that they are incapable of committing injustice, that their end justifies whatever means, that it doesn’t count as abuse with the 'correct' target… that, to me, is where tyranny festers. The person convinced of their own moral infallibility is the one who sees no need for brakes and so cuts them without concern.

I’d argue everybody has a seed of tyranny in them that can be fed or starved. We feed that seed with our own indignation to become a tyrant victimizing others while still seeing ourselves as powerless. The person who first victimized you can still also be victimized by you. There isn’t a target that exists where finding joy in cruelty gets a pass.

Bane, I think, thrives on the idea that it's no problem if you're enforcing your will. Especially on people contemptible to you.

For DnD purposes, imagine you have zealous followers of idk Tyr. They are willing to do whatever it takes to enforce and spread their definition of justice. They believe in making examples of people at every opportunity. They torture, isolate, rob, and shame those they consider to be unjust or dangerous. If their victims are falsely accused—well. It’s for a noble purpose so the sacrifice is not in vain. And imagine Tyr abandons these followers as hypocrites. He no longer empowers clerics or paladins no matter how they cite scripture or brand ‘heretics’ with his symbols.

Bane doesn’t enter calling himself Bane, god of tyranny. Bane claims to follow a higher justice. Maybe he uses an avatar, maybe he chooses a Banite disciple, maybe he finds a true believer. But he argues that Tyr as an individual was never ultimately what those zealots stood for—it was justice itself. And if Tyr has turned traitor to his own portfolio, mortals need to go over his head to the core concept and implement that. Bane offers a name that suits his purposes and begins sourcing power to clerics and paladins instead. And throughout, as the zealots commit increased atrocities against those they deem dangerous or evil they fail to realize they’ve spiraled into evil alignment after all. They’d think they were either just as good as they’d always been OR BETTER. The compassion of Ilmater is spent on the depraved and corrupt as far as they’re concerned.

I think the real threat of Bane is that he should be 100% capable of corrupting an otherwise heroic party member if they aren’t wary of that capacity in themself. You suddenly find your friend who listened to your problems and supported you through awful shit mocking a person sobbing on the ground as they kick them. And that friend looks betrayed and hurt (or outraged) if you challenge their actions, because they think you should know exactly how disgusting this piece of shit is and how much they deserve the abuse. And even if you concede that individual case—it’s not the only one. The slights worthy of torment become smaller and smaller. A thought or word out of line betrays the ideology of an evil alignment, with the only solution being to beat thoughts and words out of the target until they can only repeat approved ideas back. And even then, it may not be enough.

If it was explicitly confirmed that the deity the zealot followed was Bane all along, the zealot might genuinely not believe it. They might get pissed at the very suggestion. What they do against the wicked isn’t tyranny after all. They’re righteous.

Denial doesn’t serve to disempower Bane in the least if tactics remain unchanged.

BHAAL

I’m holding off on more detailed Bhaal thoughts until I complete a dark urge run, but I’ve listened to lore on both him and the demon lord Yeenoghu recently—and I think there’s room for a really cool potential contrast.

Yeenoghu Lore

Providing this particular video link for the curious, as a way to help illustrate what I’m drawing from.

Yeenoghu holds the title as demon lord of slaughter. He glories in filth, rape, excessively graphic murder, torture, violence, and playing with corpses along the way. He’s meant to come across as a bestial, self-absorbed, remorseless desecrater. And when I say bestial, I want to draw attention to a particular IRL factoid that might be worth considering.

I love animals to bits. I don’t think animals generally contemplate morality the way humans do just due to cognitive differences and limitations. I also think it’s important to remember that humans are ALSO animals, so certain things umbrella’d under ‘human experience’ would probably apply to at least some animals too. If there are human altruists and human serial killers, we should be able to expect that animals likewise have some altruists and some serial killers within the scope of individual variation.

Cruelty is not exclusive to humans. Orcas will essentially torture smaller animals to death by flinging them into the air with their tails repeatedly like balls until repeated beatings and suffocation kill them. Dolphins commit rape and chew on live puffer fish to get high off the toxins. Chimpanzees are a horror unto themselves with cannibalism and mutilation and basically whatever atrocity they can commit. Wolves and cats sometimes hunt to excess just for the joy of it and don’t eat all they kill. Hannibal the swan (as a specific and notably homicidal individual) beat and drowned any other swans visiting his pond and showed his signet how to do it. I could go on. Some cases it might be a matter of the animal not having theory of mind to recognize that they are inflicting pain on another conscious creature. Other times, like with pissed off chimpanzees, they know EXACTLY what they’re doing and it’s on purpose to cause maximum suffering.

I think Yeenoghu should embody a little bit of both propensities. He’s just utterly self-absorbed and doesn’t give a fuck about the experiences or perspectives of other living things except insofar as they impact him.

Bhaal I want to research more like I said, but one thing I remember from my initial play through was finding a note from the Dark Urge to Orin.

Little sister, whatever in the Gray Wastes are we going to do with you? Bhaal will never care that you waste your time, posing your corpse-dollies. Bhaal doesn’t care whether you give him the corpse of a pauper or a king. At the end of the day, all Father wants is death in droves, death in numbers. To sap away the life of this dull world as swiftly and widely as we can. You plan, you plot, you prevaricate, and you waste his time. Bhaal doesn’t need us to think. He needs us to kill. You kill beautifully, and have talents in your shapes’ magics that I never will. But you do not understand Lord Bhaal. Perhaps it is a failing of your diluted blood, as a mere grandchild. I am his sole living pureblood. I will accept no challenge from you, until you show some damned respect.

To be honest this is interesting af to me because it positions Orin a bit more in-line with Yeenoghu’s modus operandi in some ways. But what sets apart the principles of Bhaal from Yeenoghu or Myrkul?

The Dark Urge suggests the goal of Bhaal is the extinction of all life, but to be honest I’m a bit skeptical. Seems like short term thinking. Even if Bhaal pulled that off, once it’s done there is no more murder or god of murder for that matter. If Bhaal is aiming for a cessation of existence and wants everyone else along for the ride maybe that’s what he’s after, but I dunno. That seems like something fans/players/loremasters would have touched on before.

I’d like to invite this possibility for foiling instead:

Life consumes other life by nature. Animals, plants, fungi, bacteria, so forth—it isn’t just a matter of philosophy. One life cannot exist without destroying another. We need to eat. If we don’t, we die well before reproduction enters the picture. But it’s more than that… you take a step, you kill countless tiny organisms you aren’t even aware of. You swat a fly. You hit something with your car. You move gracelessly or touch carelessly, and catastrophe ensues. Etcetera.

It is inevitable that your existence will mean the end for the life of another living thing. That’s just how it goes.

It could be interesting on a LOT of fronts (both as members of the dead three and as former adventuring companions) if Bhaal acted as a kind of philosophical opposite to Myrkul the way I previously described.

If the Dark Urge’s note is to be trusted, Bhaal has no interest in ritual or glorified death per se. Bhaal would be more about the mundanity that comes through the act of killing. Life is fragile as-is and often ended by accident. Killing in its most common form is thoughtless and unconscious. To Bhaal, if every life is a universe then the universe looks meaningless. There is no importance or fanfare to any of it. If one side is ‘everything matters, give weight to life and death’, Bhaal would be ‘nothing matters, we are not capable of affording reverence to every single life and death we encounter’. More specifically, the mass deaths Bhaal favors would be a kind of illustration of the uncaring and casual relationship living things have with killing other living things. The more casual and effortless it is, the more I’d imagine it serves Bhaal. Sadism and revelry miss the point—there is no hierarchy. Suffering is inconsequential. Fear is inconsequential. Instinct is inconsequential. To live is to kill by Bhaal’s logic.

It isn’t limited to murder in the sense of a member of one species killing a member of the same species. It’s more Bhaal is the god of killing. He’d gain power from murder too sure, but also hunting, harvesting, and butchering. With these interpretations in-mind, we can actually figure out how the Dead Three might have answered Jergal's question about what worth a mortal life holds. With the disclaimer this is very much conjecture. I think Myrkul would likely be "Each life is of infinite value and merits sacrificing everything for." That lends life a heavy weight and makes death a fearful force for all. It would also mesh with Ketheric as his chosen. Bane would lean into "That depends on a person's deeds", "The only life that matters is mine", or "Depends on the mortal". From those positions, the speaker argues for a hierarchy of life where some is more expendable than the rest. It's easier from that position to slide into adopting a role as judge and executioner, and from elevating yourself into a role of authority where other voices and experiences count less than your own. Bhaal I think is reflected in "Life’s only value is as currency. Doesn’t matter to me otherwise", "The only life that matters is mine", or "No one life is worth more than any other. We are equal." Bhaal has the implicit question in-turn: what is the blood-price of your own life? How much have you claimed in your own name to keep moving? It's kind of the belief that while "The only life that matters is mine" is Bhaal's answer, every other living thing should be answering the same way. There's more nuance than that of course, and likely truth falls somewhere in the middle. We aren't mentally capable of giving reverence to every death, but we can recognize in general terms and do our best case-by-case. We have a right to protect ourselves and what we love, but others share that right.

Feel free to offer different stances or thoughts though, and if you made it this far goddamn thank you for reading this monster.

[marvelousmagicalaura]

I have a bunch of theories about The Lost Metal and Era 3, particularly about what Sazed is planning.

Sazed has master plans

I know this may end up being an unpopular opinion. But to me the story came across as if Sazed has been operating as the Chessmaster the entire time, all part of a coordinated effort to outmaneuver Autonomy. An effort to make her withdraw her army and interest in Telsin. I think a lot of little quotes in The Lost Metal, and certain quotes in the previous books, point to Sazed subtly maneuvering everyone - Wax, Wayne, Marasi, Kelsier and his Ghostbloods, Marsh, Tobal and Maraga, Steris (?). All with very powerful, very subtle future sight to make specific outcomes come to fruition.

Since chapter 19 I suspected Sazed had a plan in motion, one that needed him to arrange “help” unaware they were mobilized to be the “help.” One that required him to play games over and over with Autonomy. This suspicion came back once Wax speculated he always intended for him to be the Sword that stops a God Metal bomb.

Chapter 71 confirmed aspects of future sight I was curious about… ever since I started analyzingthe Terris Prophecies. Sazed confirmed that he sees future possibilities, automatically analyzes something as complex as a harmonium-trellium bomb, think much faster than mortals, and can discern the probabilities of an action (i.e. 1% chance of success, 99% chance of failure). Sazed even fleshed out what Fuzz warned Kelsier - even future sight as great as Preservation’s can be wrong. Sazed also confirmed that while Shards see future possibilities and analyze probabilities, they don’t always know the “why” of a possibility. Such as “why” it is good. This eased my suspicions.

But then Kelsier’s epilogue came along. While I don’t think Sazed is acting “all is perfectly according to keikaku,” he’s acting close enough. I think he was ultimately keeping certain, ultimate future outcomes in mind. The responses to Kelsier’s frustration made alarm bells ring in my mind:

"I had it in hand."

"Luck is a different thing to a god who can see futures, I think."

"I have it in hand."

"People should discover it on their own. If they do not, there are subtle consequences."

What if Sazed always knew Trell was Autonomy? After all Autonomy created Trelagism, and we know from book 3’s epilogue that Preservation hid “gems” in Trelagism to help the Hero of Ages. What if he let Autonomy’s plans get to this stage, knowing he could efficiently arrange pieces that could stop her? Or maybe he bet it would be the perfect event to encourage the continents to advance and progress?

What if Sazed was betting on Wax fulfilling his duties after the Lessie fiasco? What if he intentionally molded Wayne into the Slider who could accomplish the partial detonation? What if he knows the history of Scadrian eugenics and discerning what could happen if he directly GIVES knowledge of future tech?

His name shall be Discord, and they shall love him for it.

It’s obvious that Sazed is becoming Discord. Or perhaps, he’s already Discord by the time of Kelsier’s epilogue.

There’s clearly something going on with Sazed’s Shard, we just don’t know what. Harmony’s Intent left him unable to act, creating a state where every action needs equilibrium between P&R’s attributes. And there was a dark shadow throughout TLM. Kelsier speculates the shadow exists because Ruin was always stronger. Marsh’s interview with Khriss implies it may be the result of Ruin being subservient to Preservation.

My theory is Discord will be a good thing. Sazed directly educated Wax and Wayne about the bomb’s mechanics AND told them how to detonate it. Dulled the wave coming over Wax. Arranged for under 10 people to foil Autonomy’s complex plans, while his future sight was BLINDED. This is the most effective he’s been yet. I think Discord will be a Shard representing Sazed’s realization that Ruin and Preservation can’t always be in exact balance. Sometimes, Preservation’s attributes are needed most. Other times, Ruin’s attributes are needed most. I believe this mindset allow him to act, to commit actions that are EITHER of Preservation or Ruin.

I think Sazed is just trying to carefully move through his web of future possibilities. Preservation seemingly foresaw Discord will be a good thing. But if Sazed makes the wrong move, I bet he could invalidate that prediction.

How to make the Bands of Mourning, Excisors, unkeyed metalminds

Unkeyed metalminds contain attributes that aren’t attached to a Feruchemist’s Identity. But without Full Feruchemists, it’s impossible for a sole Feruchemist to create an unkeyed metalmind.

My theory is the Southern Scadrians are extensively using the same method as the Set’s keep-people-alive Hemalurgy. I think to create an unkeyed metalmind, Southerners are using a Command and a very thin duralumin spike. This would rip off a piece of the Feruchemist’s Identity, making any future storing Identity-less.

I think the Excisors are nicrosil and/or duralumin spikes.

The Bands of Mourning is the really tough cookie. Kelsier is no longer an Allomancer and definitely not a Feruchemist, so he couldn’t use his own powers to create the Bands. There’s no way he used Northerners to make them. There are a lot of logistics issues. My theory is Sazed directly created the Bands of Mourning and guided Kelsier into hiding it.

It wouldn’t be the first time Sazed subtly helped the Southerners. Sazed gave them harmonium and a perpendicularity, and we’ve seen how well they’ve been used.

[subsystems]

Do you have any tips for system mapping as a polyfragmented system? Every time we've tried to make one we've just gotten overwhelmed by how many parts there are and how much we don't know

Hi anon! I have some advice based off of my own experience. I hope it will work for you (I'm sorry if it doesn't, though). First, I want to stress that it's okay if you can't create a perfect system map. I've never been able to make one that felt 100% correct, and I've tried many times!

Being dissociative can make it quite difficult to understand what's going on internally. You might have a hard time understanding yourself as an individual part, let alone understanding the other parts in your system. On top of that, your system might have some complex inner organization, like subsystems or parts-within-parts. Don't even get me started on how amnesia can make this all even more confusing, too!

So, remember to cut yourself some slack when it comes to system mapping. Your struggles with it are completely understandable!

Tips for System Mapping When Your System is Confusing as Hell

Make your own template.

A lot of pre-made system mapping templates contain things that don't apply to everyone, aren't important to everyone, or not everyone knows enough about their parts to answer. Some designs might not fit how your system functions. So, if pre-made templates don't work for you...don't use them! Try making your own!

When it comes to your own template, I think it's important to be mindful of your current stage of recovery. If you don't know a lot of things about your parts, that's okay -- that's where you're at in your recovery right now. In that case, you probably shouldn't create a template that requires you to write down a ton of information. Allow yourself to include your confusion and questions into your system map!

Think about what you want to keep track of when it comes to your parts. What would be the most useful things for you and your therapist to know? Yours will probably look different but here was the template that I settled on:

Does the part have a name?

Do they feel younger or older than the body?

What are they associated with?

Anything else?

And here's an example of how I would fill this out:

Does the part have a name? I don't think so

Do they feel younger or older than the body? Much younger

What are they associated with? The color yellow, puppies, childhood, abandonment, crying

Anything else? Likes puppies and drawing, sometimes buys candy without our knowing, unsure if this is one part or actually several

Get messy with it.

I understand the desire to have a neat system map. I've always wanted to have a perfect list of all my parts, all the important details about them, maybe organized into some sort of chart too. But these things doesn't always capture the complexities of being dissociative and having parts. Sometimes, you got to get messy.

I feel like the closest I ever came to a system map that felt the most "right" was in my therapist's sand tray. I picked out different figurines to represent my parts, placing some closer together than others. I would also move the sand, making big and low hills beneath and between parts, burying some things, cutting lines around other things. Something like this picture, but way more chaotic:

You can do this at home. You don't even need sand or figurines. You could grab some objects from around the house or outside, print or cut out pictures, grab some paints, scribble on paper, sculpt something out of clay, etc. Pick out something to represent certain parts or feelings or situations. Place them wherever, move them however, just let it kind of unfold naturally. Then take a picture of it and/or write about it (so you don't forget)!

Maybe put the trauma stuff somewhere else.

You'll probably feel tempted to record trauma memories and triggers associated with parts -- but it's probably best to write that stuff down somewhere else! You want your system map to be something that all parts can look at. Try not to jump-scare them with trauma that they may or may not know about yet.

This won't apply to everyone but, in my own experience, including stuff like this in our system map triggered our avoidance. Not only did it make creating the system map harder, it also resulted in some parts destroying/hiding what we wrote as a way to protect themselves and other vulnerable parts.

Aaand that's all I have to say, I think. Good luck with your system mapping, anon! - Sunflower

[strawberryfairi]

The TR Boys as Musicians Headcanons

Keisuke Baji

Absolutely does not have the patience to learn (and definitely not master) an instrument. There's just no way. Any time he'd go to practice he'd crash tf out for hitting the wrong note (probably break the poor instrument). And speaking of wrong notes, he's MOST DEFINITELY NOT playing an instrument he'd need to tune himself (EX: Literally any string instrument besides a piano which you can get professionally tuned).

Music theory would be the bane of his existence for sure! Especially getting into the deep theory concepts and mastering tonal harmony. I think he'd be ok like mentally grasping counterpoint but like...the execution....no.

Ear training would also piss him off. Hearing a bunch of rhythms then having to write it down, along with hearing random played melodies like 4-8 bars long and having to write it out just by what you heard alone?! No, he's not on that....

Shuji Hanma

If we're applying the musician stereotype that tall people make great upright bassists/bassists in general ('cause upright basses are so damn tall. They're like 6" tall which can make it a little hard for shorter folk to play so they say), I could see him potentially choosing the bass as his instrument. It would be random as hell but not surprising if Shuji went with the upright as opposed to electric bass since I think he'd just find it as the next appealing thing.

His interest in the bass would absolutely NOT last long, and he just would not have the attention span for mastering it (highly likely would get bored and search for something else more interesting).

On the other hand though, I could see him like late at night when he can't sleep randomly fiddling around with it.

The callouses that come from playing bass (especially upright) would probably annoy the hell out of him. Less from the looks of them and more just 'cause they hurt and are so tempting to pick at (as many bass players tend to say).

Ken "Draken" Ryuguji

Percussion. Drums. Period.

This man is playing the drums. He'd actually be good at it too! I think he'd have fun practicing keeping good timing and especially dynamics (which to be honest omg so many drummers lack...).

He'd definitely get annoyed often with messing up, but I feel like instead of crashing out (like Keisuke), it would just motivate him to keep going.

Definitely does "performances" in his room where he's pretending to be on some big stage doing a sold out show.

I think his most favorite things to practice would be getting into the quintuplets (like so many drummers do, literally they're obsessed lol), odd meter, DEFINITELY polyrhythms, and of course drum fills.

Has that drummer condition where he constantly brags about how absolutely top tier his ride and crash symbols are....

Manjiro "Mikey" Sano

Guitar. Acoustic. Period.

It's not like a deep thing for him, he's just one of those standard acoustic guitar players where they love to play it outside by some water or park or something.

A fiddler with the guitar, doesn't actually know anything technical about it but it's just therapeutic to play.

Usually unknowingly plays lots of "calm" tunes. I can see him naturally falling into a modal kind of sound (Phrygian for a sort of "dark/warm tone" that blends into Dorian which can be fairly "bright" depending on how you go about it).

Likes to sing or hum along to the melodies he plays, especially the ones that he finds himself constantly going back to.

I think he's light-handed with the strings, very soft volume, and likes to do rather slow tempo melodies. You won't find him doing too many fast lines, but he does tend to sometimes do particularly complex (theory wise) melodies and chord progressions.

[kaiserouo]

Wow i actually have enough rendered pieces to make an art summary this year. Just barely tho

Ramble below, also template ref

Oh god where do i even start. This is the part where i reflect on myself and do nothing about it afterwards.

In thems of topics, it's mostly just apex d2 and wf. I've never made my own world and characters because most ideas that i have the motivation to make into art comes from me playing the game. Maybe that's why I don't really treat a lot of my original character as "original characters", because they're still bound to a game instead of, you know, born out of the blue i guess.

I barely did render this year... I mean, not just this year of course. I think I slightly got the hang of it these two months? At least I kinda have a pipeline that I can follow and could tolerate / fix some of my mistakes in the later stages (e.g., picking wrong colors for flat color and wanna fix it during rendering etc.). It's... kinda like OOP? Decoupling code? I think it just comes down to opening a million layers and not feeling bad about it. Anyway I think one of my improvements comes from here.

Another improvement would be the speed of doing sketches and the complexity of the lineart I can handle (idk how to say that). I need to draw comics and there would be a lot of people in there, so even if I don't practice specifically I still need to draw some human figures. The complexity part is due to me getting into warframe just because of how fucking complicated they all are. Maybe instead of lineart complexity I should say I'm comfortable drawing somewhat complex characters now without my brain overloading and immediately giving up. Still haven't drawn BT though.

That's probably all the obvious improvements I can think of. I didn't read as many books as last year, but the two main books I read last year are for perspective and anatomy, which I do find very very useful. I still often go back to check some anatomy stuff this year, and with me spam drawing comics I think I can draw human figures better than before... if I only consider proportion that is. I think I have to redo anatomy all over again especially for the muscle part. Also probably should do more real human reference practice... Well, you can probably guess why I said that at the start.

I do think the reason why I do so little rendering is because I mostly do comics. Most of my ideas have a plot and my idea list is waaaaay too long to actually color the comics. And as I feel more comfortable drawing comics I fear more when I wanna do rendering because of the skill gap I have between the two subjects. Also most of you come for silly comics so why do I do full rendered pieces anyways... Yeah, after typing that sentence I do feel wrong thinking like that. But oh well, I guess I can't escape the curse of liking to see numbers go up.

Speaking of numbers, here's some of them. Good thing I don't have to deal with Tumblr API myself.

That's... quite a lot of followers, for me. I mean I don't stay in only one fandom so I have no idea why most of you followed me. Also sorry to ultrakill fans I just don't draw a lot for that game but I see some of you liking a ton of ultrakill post and immediately follows me. Kinda felt that I baited you folks for following me tbh...

Also 3 of my top 5 posts (2234 > 1726 > 1641 > 1531 > 1321) are ultrakill and I only have 27 ultrakill art posts (a lot fewer than other games) so... um, maaaaybe you should consider unfollowing me to clean up your timeline...?

Aaand here are the note stats per month because I've already typed this much so why not just include literally everything in one post

The only thing I can analyze is that the note and post number started to lose correlation due to how much ramble shitpost I have these months.

Okay that's it. I intended to make another art summary for the lineart / unrendered art pieces, but there's just too many to choose from and I don't think you can infer more from these given that the rendered pieces already has lineart in them. Mostly.

[purple-obsidian]

Your fic and your Ak Jason man, aaaaaauuughhh it's getting the brainrot even harder

I wanted to know your take on your ak Jason with a reader that treats him with the most gentle touch, the sweetest words (probably a reader with a savior complex). Cause I got the picture of Jason being defensive as hell as he feels like some kind of 'healing project' for reader or a charity case

thank you, my dearest anon <3 I am so happy that you enjoy!

i think you’re right, jay would get defensive and possibly angry at reader if he felt like he was being treated like a charity case. he’s very much in a state of mind where he’s trying to restore his dignity [after joker stripped him of it, to put it lightly.] I don’t think jason is the type to care too much about what others think, but he does, at this point, demand respect from his men and reader, even if he doesn’t give respect back. so being coddled or infantalized has the potential of pissing him off.

but in the same breath, i think jason would secretly enjoy being doted on in such a way. in my own au/storyline, i imagine him and reader were dating before he died, but they were like 16 or 17, super young and still in the honeymoon stage. they never really fought a whole lot, every real memory jason has of reader is a good one, filled with the excitement of being desired by someone for the first time and reciprocating love. having reader be extra gentle and accommodating to him and his needs would reinforce that idealized image of her in his head, and make him feel even safer with her.

the reoccurring theme here is the back and forth, the mood swings, the instability of his mental state and ego.

a lot of his reaction would depend on the context. in front of his goons or other criminals, he would be embarrassed and pissed at reader if they were to be all sweet and gentle with him. [in ‘say it back’, I briefly referenced a time where reader told jason she loved him in front of his militia and he just laughed at her, same energy here.]

if they were alone, i think he would tolerate it or even play along until reader said something to set him off. in ‘let go’, we see him stay calm and level-headed while reader is patching him up, but as soon as she challenges him and his way of thinking, he’s triggered and has an extremely emotional response.

i didn’t want portray reader in that ‘savior complex’ way, though. thats one of the struggles for me with doing reader inserts instead of oc’s. for complex storylines like this, it’s hard to not imbue reader with some personality or assume what they would do. but i wanted to show that reader is also very much at war within herself, knowing jason’s treatment of her is wrong but being so in love with him and worried for his well-being that she can’t bring herself to abandon him, even if it would be well within her right to do so.

remember, jason was robin. the best of the best. a shining star among the ever-growing darkness that is gotham. he used to be her hero, everyone’s hero, and she still sees him in that light, and hopes he will find himself, hopes that her love and support will be enough to fill the dark void in his heart. not because she sees herself as his savior, but because she knows jason won’t let anyone else get close to him or help him, and she just wants him to be happy. which is why i am trying to write her as extremely tolerant but still confident enough to challenge him or correct him on things. she wants to remind him who he is, and encourage him to be better. she’s also, of course, somewhat scared of him now too, which brings up a whole other topic. i have another ask in my inbox talking about that so i’ll save it for later.

tldr; having reader be extra gentle and sweet with him would probably confuse his emotions even more, adding to his ups and downs, resulting in more yelling but also open him up to some more moments of vulnerability. deep down he craves such gentleness, but he struggles with allowing himself to accept it because of his deep-seeded insecurities that were exacerbated by jokers torture and manipulation.

thanks for the ask!

xoxo sid

[vodika-vibes]

Speechless - A Gryffin Industries Story

Summary: Echo can’t sleep, due to nightmares and phantom pain, so he goes to take his mind off things in the gym. While he’s there, he becomes reacquainted with an intern who has the voice of an actual angel. And Echo is smitten.

Pairing: Pre-ARC Trooper Echo x F!Reader

Word Count: 1457

Warnings: None

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly

A/N: The song that the reader is singing is Speechless, the spotify link is there.

Echo sighs as he rubs the juncture where his prosthetic arm meets his flesh arm. He’s not unused to phantom pain, the ache is familiar at this point, but that doesn’t make it any easier to sleep through.

The fact that the phantom pain is always accompanied by horrific nightmares means that Echo’s a bit less willing to try and sleep at the moment. 

He lays in his bed for a moment, and then he sighs and sits up.

If he can’t sleep, then he might as well get up and do something. At this time of night, there probably isn’t anyone in the gym. Maybe if he physically wears himself out the nightmares won’t suck as badly.

He swings his legs out of his bed and crosses over to his closet to pull a set of exercise clothes out of the drawers. 

Echo has been an employee of Gryffin Industries for close to 9 months now. And he’s been an actual working employee for almost 6 months. It took him three months to recover enough to be able to actually work. 

And he’s happy.

He is.

His twin brother is here, though he works as a personal guard for one of the doctors rather than as regular security like Echo. Also, there are a lot of his brothers here. Even Rex works here now, and Echo gets to see his brothers almost every day.

Add in the fact that he makes a very nice paycheck, and gets the finest armor and the best medical care on Coruscant…and he really has nothing to complain about.

And yet he’s not happy.

Echo opens the door to his room and steps into the hall, before turning to the left to head to the elevator that will take him to the gym.

His therapist says that he just needs time to adjust, that his feelings are normal, but Echo’s not so sure. They don’t feel normal. He steps into the elevator and leans against the wall as it goes down.

And then, when the door dings open, he steps into the dimmed hallway leading to the gym. Normally this part of the Gryffin Industries complex would be filled with laughter and the sounds of weights clinking together, but at the time of night, even the most keen vod’e are either sleeping or working.

Echo will be alone.

It shouldn’t bother him as much as it does.

He heads down the hall, and then he slows to a stop. He hears something. Echo tilts his head to try and listen better, and then turns down a side hall. One of the halls that leads to one of the myriad of simulation rooms. 

As he follows the noise, he realizes that he’s hearing someone singing.

Echo follows the voice through the halls, until he comes to one of the smaller sim rooms. Carefully he pushes open the door to the room, and he has to blink twice at what he sees.

The singer, a young woman who looks vaguely familiar, turned the room into a theater, and she’s standing on a stage singing and dancing. And she’s good.

Better than good.

She’s amazing.

He folds his arms and leans against the wall, a small smile crossing his face as she continues singing. 

Now that he’s able to see her clearly, he realizes that he does know her. She’s one of the interns in Weapons Development. He’s had several conversations with her over the last couple of months. She’s quiet and shy. Very reserved.

The daughter of some of the Doctors who work higher up, if he remembers correctly. 

He never imagined that she could sing like this.

The song comes to an end, and she stops moving. Her chest is heaving and her face is flushed…and Echo’s never seen a more stunning sight in his life.

He brings his hands together and she starts, her head snapping up to look at him. She looks deeply uncertain for a moment, before she crosses the stage, and over to the control panel.

A touch of a few buttons, and the theater vanishes around them, leaving her standing on a stark platform, and him leaning against the white walls of the sim.

“Oh…Corporal.” She carefully steps off of the platform and takes several hesitant steps towards him, “I…ah…”

She won't meet his gaze, and Echo realizes, with a start, that he needs her to look at him. He needs those pretty eyes focused on him or he might just die.

He takes a step closer and leans slightly to the side so that she’s looking at him, “That was beautiful.” Echo praises, honestly, “You have an amazing voice.”

Her eyes snap to his face, and she presses her hands against her cheeks, “Oh, thank you!” Her voice is quiet, but she sounds pleased.

“And the fact that you can sing and dance at the same time is even more amazing.” Echo continues, thrilled now that her eyes are on him. “You must have worked hard to be able to do that.”

There’s a flush of pleasure on her face, “When I can’t sleep, I like to come down here and practice.” She ducks her head slightly, “I’ve never been caught before.” She admits.

“Well, I can’t imagine that anyone else comes down here late at night.” Echo agrees, “I’m only down here because I can’t sleep.”

She smiles at him, and Echo flashes a grin right back at her, though he only has two thoughts in his head. One, he would burn Coruscant down if it meant that she never stopped smiling at him, and two, he’s so karked.

“Well,” Her voice is light and it pulls Echo from his thoughts immediately, “I’m not supposed to be down here. Not really.”

“Why not?”

“Ah, well-” She trails off, “Mother and Father think that I should focus on my studies. They think that the Simulation rooms are a waste of my time.”

Echo pauses, “To have a sim saved, you have to use an ID-”

Nervously she pulls an ID out of her pocket. An ID belonging to someone who clearly isn’t her. “I made a fake. Please don’t tell! I’ll stop coming-”

“You don’t have to stop coming,” Echo interrupts, “You enjoy singing and dancing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy.”

She brushes some of her hair off of her sweaty face, “Well, music has always been my passion. Ever since I was a small child.” Her smile is small, “But mother and father never approved.”

“Why didn’t you go to school for music then?” Echo asks, stooping to hand her a water bottle that he hadn’t noticed until that moment.

She takes a sip of the water, “Well, mother and father paid for my schooling, and…” She sighs, “I love my parents, Corporal-”

“Echo. It’s…just Echo.”

“Echo, then.” She corrects with a slight nod, “Like I said, I love them. They’re just stubborn. And, I guess, a part of me is worried that they’d disown me if they knew that I’m not a science person like them. Like my siblings.”

Echo doesn’t say anything for a moment, there’s not really anything to say. She knows her family best, after all. And then he glances at her, “You know, that song didn’t sound familiar at all.”

“Well, that’s because I wrote it.”

“You wrote-?” Echo blinks at her, “Holy shit, just how talented are you?”

She giggles and ducks her head, “Thank you.”

Echo stares at her for a moment, and then he grins, and hurries over to the panel on the wall, reloading the most recent sim. The theater blossoms around him, and he motions for her to join him on the stage.

“What are you doing?”

Echo grabs his comm and hops off the platform, as he turns on the camera, “Go on, sen’ika. Sing.”

“What? I can’t…if my parents-”

“The only person going to see this is me. And maybe some of my brothers.” Echo says, and then he winks, “Trust me, sen’ika. We’re experts at keeping secrets.”

She drops her gaze for a moment, and then, slowly, she nods. “Okay, Echo. You win.”

“I always do.” He replies smugly. “And then, tomorrow, we can go on a date.”

“...what?”

He just grins at her unrepentantly, “A date. You and me. We’ll get ice cream, it’ll be fun!”

“You don’t even know me.” She says, exasperated.

“Not yet, that’s what dating is for.” Echo grins, “Come on, sen’ika. Give an old clone a chance.”

“You’re hardly old.” She replies, before she crouches to start the music, “but, yeah. Okay. It does sound like fun.”

Echo’s grin widens, and he lifts his comm, “Come on, Sen’ika. Give me a show.”

[nijigasakilove]

Took me all day because I constantly paused and started because of the waves of emotion I was overcome with at various points. Sat here with tears in my eyes man. Never would’ve thought that not only would we get Kimi ni Todoke back after all these years, but that it would be better than both the previous seasons. Only complaint is that they dropped everything at once instead of letting us gather together weekly over 3 months..

Thank you to all the staff involved for bringing this back to us. If we never get a season 4, I can sleep well given where this left off with everyone in a loving relationship and having grown tremendously.

Above all else I got to shoutout Kento man he was the MVP of this season. Went from being an annoying prick in season 2 to one of my fave characters. His emotional intelligence really impressed me. Sticking up for Ayane and refusing to leave her alone, knocking the shit out of that annoying bum Mogi.. I didn’t think there would be the level of complexity to his character that we got this season. Genuinely great dude and exactly what Ayane deserves. Their confession scene was perfection 😭

Ryu and Chizuru’s relationship was probably my second favourite thing. The backstory episode where we saw how Ryu’s mom died and how it affected both he and Chizuru.. how they’ve been each other’s support system ever since childhood.. they truly are soulmates and I couldn’t be more happy with how their development was handled. It is truly time to start something new for them ❤️

SAWAKO AND KAZEHAYA FIRST KISS. Who would’ve thought it would be Sawako initiating it??? Our baby’s grown up right before our eyes. Can you imagine the girl we saw in episode 1 back in 2009 doing this?? It was hard watching them be distant in those last couple episodes but I’m so glad she and Kazehaya both fully opened up to one another. It won’t always be easy, but when you have two people who love each other like this they’ll find a way.

I really felt Sawako’s dad emotions there at the end, especially when they played the first OP like cmon are yall trying to make me ugly cry!!?? 😭 he’s so protective and caring for Sawako and you can just tell how worried he was about her when she was so closed off and isolated from everyone. Seeing her have friends and a boyfriend who truly respects and cares for her has to be the best feeling as a father.

When he notices that she’s grown taller than him it reminded me of the TTGL dream sequence with Kamina and Simon in that it’s a double entendre for Sawako having literally grown, but also metaphorically grown past the stage where he needs to protect her so much. Just love those last few minutes so much. What a beautiful ending, I’d love another season of course but if it ends there I’d be content too.

Now we need more Akayona and Chihayafuru 😭

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