#The more I think about Charlotte the sadder I get

[reflection-s-of-stars]

I think Charlotte’s marriage to Mr. Collins makes so much more sense if she’s gay- she doesn’t “think highly of either of men or of matrimony.” She doesn’t want to marry for love, or even to marry someone who could possibly love her because she knows she couldn’t love him back, which is why she marries someone whose romantic interest is twice described as “imaginary.” I like to think Charlotte’s aware of her own feelings in this regard. Maybe there’s a reason she marries a clergyman.

And if she’s in love with Elizabeth… Think about “the steady countenance which Miss Lucas had commanded in telling her story,” think about how “though [Charlotte’s] resolution was not to be shaken, her feelings must be hurt by [Elizabeth’s] disapprobation.” Think about the tone she uses when she tells her that “I hope you will be satisfied with what I have done.” Charlotte knows Elizabeth won’t react the way she wants, that she can’t love her back, but she’s hoping for a reaction. Instead, all poor Charlotte gets is a quiet “undoubtedly,” a damaged friendship, and a confirmation of what she already knew: there was never a chance.

Caroline, on the other hand… the internalized misogyny she exhibits at all times definitely points to something. There’s no way she doesn’t know about Darcy’s engagement to Miss de Bourgh. She still tries for his hand, though. She spends all the time she’s around Elizabeth flattering Darcy with all the purpose of a jealous lover. And let’s not forget how Caroline reacts to Elizabeth’s feelings (if you can call them that) for Wickham! She sneers about him at the ball, and carries the thought in her mind until Pemberley.

What a story it would turn out to be if, all along, it was Elizabeth she loved? If she was trying so hard to convince herself to love a man who was taken, when in fact there was true love in front of her and she was just too dense (or maybe too scared) to see it? At some point, she says that Elizabeth has “an abominable sort of conceited independence, a most country town indifference to decorum.” She’s never seen a woman be so much herself, never been enchanted by anybody who cares so little for appearance. She’s hopeless, is what she is. She’s so convinced of her own hatefulness that she doesn’t stop to think she might love.

In so many words: If Charlotte loves Elizabeth, her story is a romantic tragedy. If Caroline loves Elizabeth, her story is an extremely frustrating comedy. @iamthepulta

I think Charlotte Lucas and Caroline Bingley are both gay and in love with Elizabeth but for the opposite reasons

[gamerphobe]

i know we all love michael afton, and like i get it, i love him too, but sometimes it really feels like the fnaf fandom cares sooo much about sadboy michael being the saddest boy of all time that they pretend other characters had better lives just so michael seems sadder by comparison

objectively i think elizabeth and the crying child get the worst of this, but especially elizabeth. theres this persistent idea that elizabeth was williams favorite and beautiful angel and he loved and doted on her so much while poor poor mike got nothing. so often i see the dynamic put forward that william was physically abusive but only towards michael. which is ridiculous for a lot of reasons, but especially because we only see william get physical with any of his kids once, and its when he hits elizabeth in the silver eyes.

obviously, the silver eyes is a different continuity. whatever. its still canon, so the things it tells us about the general world and characters still applies. and it outright shows william as an abusive and neglectful father to His Daughter. and EVEN if you want to completely disregard the books, william obviously didnt “love” elizabeth enough in the games to not want to electrocute and experiment on her when he 100% knew she was possessing circus baby. elizabeth was a means to an end to him the same way michael was. he didnt even love her enough to properly keep an eye on her even though he knew she wanted to see a robot that would kill her. if william cared about elizabeth half as much as people pretend he does she would still be alive, because he wouldve put half a mind towards keeping her safe

+ cc is in a similar boat. william had a million chances to be a decent father and try to step in between cc and michael before things went too far. the bite happened at ccs birthday party, literally all william had to do was show up to his own sons birthday and he could have stepped in but he didnt. like, we all know william was using the fredbear plush to keep an eye on cc, so theres no doubt he knew the kid was being bullied. and not only does he do nothing about it, he also 1) actively feeds into ccs fears about the animatronics 2) still makes him go to the establishment housing the animatronics hes terrified of

and the way william talks about them. “you are broken” “i will put you back together” like william views his kids as objects. broken things he can fix. these are not words said by a loving parent

and its not even just the aftons! henry is no where near as horrible as william is—i Am Not suggesting henry was abusive—but he also wasnt a great dad! building a robot to watch your daughter instead of watching your daughter yourself does not make you a good parent! henry loves charlotte, but the emilys were not some perfect family with no issues.

obviouslyyy michael suffered a ton and was a victim no one is saying he wasnt but i promiseee that does not have to come at the cost of pretending no one else was a victim too. things are just as if not more interesting if you acknowlede other characters guys i promise i promise

[tomatopers]

biggest peeves with genshin x reader fics

I'm going to preface this by saying you can write whoever you want however you want and no one is gonna stop you; heck, it likely won't even affect your likes and stuff. These are my personal peeves stemming from character portrayal <3 Characters A-D

Albedo ;; He isn't very heavily emotive; He is shown to approach almost everything from a logical/analytic standpoint!! My guy expressed concern with the most nonchalant voice, so he clearly does care, just not in an expressive/passionate way

Alhaitham ;; Similar to Albedo, but slightly more expressive! He clearly has things/people that he values, and his own ways of showing care differ from societal norms, which is why he comes across as cold and indifferent!! Even the vulnerability that comes slowly with trust isn't immediately obvious, but this is definitely something that's interesting to explore in works⎯ Would he change the way he feels comfortable expressing himself into something else for you? Would you want him to?

Aloy ;; fuck what genshin did to my girl im skipping aloy

Amber ;; One of her main personality traits is the lack of deliberation!! Even with people she really cares about and loves!! Overthinking? We don't know them

Itto ;; Let bro be silly. Let bro make mistakes. Let bro have no idea what he's doing, but know he's giving it his all no matter what⎯ This is the Arataki Way.

Arlecchino ;; Gonna be honest I know jack shit about her but everything I read sounds hot <3 I do think she isn't the type to get frazzled/embarrassed but boy oh boy you can try

Baizhu ;; bffr he would NOT let you neglect your health like... Look at the man 🤨 I don't think he's the yelling type either?? Like he'll stand up for you obviously, but wouldn't start a fight imo; He got them dangerous snake eyes and scary words fr

Barbara ;; idk i don't read minor x reader things + i don't think i've ever seen a barbara x reader ever 💀 I do think she'd be patient and caring to the point where doing anything bad would make you feel guilty asf :/ not even in a romantic way, just like⎯anything. The kind persona isn't actually an act, she's in a role where she cannot be seen as anything else but it isn't hard to be kind as she would act that way, idol or not. More of a character thought, not a fic peeve </3

Beidou ;; She would start fights for you and she'd win, we all know this. I do think that many fics don't explore her emotions to a deeper extent, like motives and such? I think there's a lot of flexibility in that, and many avenues to explore! Not a peeve either, just a thought.

Bennett ;; Minor again(?), I don't read Bennett fics aha 😭 Grasping at straws here, with such a brave face shown to everyone, taking it off to share the sadder stuff sounds hard

Candace ;; Dunno much either 💀 Nor do I see any fics about her...

Charlotte ;; Would she love and cherish you? Yes. Would she leave her job for you? No. Would she feel bad about always being busy chasing headlines? Yes! Would she only really do well with a partner who supports her career and aspirations? Yes!

Chevreuse ;; Sorry guys I don't even know her 😭

Chiori ;; Would also start fights for you, would also win; Clearly takes no shit, I imagine certain compromises would take a while to reach? Canonically fairly headstrong, I doubt she'd be a pushover with an s/o

Chongyun ;; Minor 🧍

Clorinde ;; Her showing vulnerability with you definitely means a LOT. Beyond her career and the things she does for it, I just know there's so much going on in her head :( Let my girl share, give her a safe space, be patient to eventually emotionally connect

Collei ;; Minor 🤨

Cyno ;; He does not seem like the dominant/aggressive/pushy type :( I bet there's complicated feelings between the way he acts as a General and the way he acts with a lover⎯undeniably would never want you to be scared of him. Teasing type, likely nothing worse.

Dehya ;; I haven't seen her done dirty, so I'm pretty content

Diluc ;; High-functioning man, having dealt with varying stressors over so many years I doubt anything could interrupt his work flow⎯having said that, yes that means issues with a relationship making him struggle to work would mean more; Yes, i still believe that's highly unlikely

Diona ;; No.

Dori ;; No. Also, I hate her.

[aangelinakii]

THEIR TASTE IN MOVIES.

characters written about in this piece : bruce wayne, dick grayson, jason todd, tim drake, damian wayne, barbara gordon, duke thomas, stephanie brown, cassandra cain

note : i lit thought of this last night and wrote it within 12 hours is this my comeback

BRUCE WAYNE

you guys are gonna hateee meee 💀💀💀💀 but i think bruce wayne is an avid documentary watcher. he likes living in real life, likes knowing everything he is experiencing is real. and he likes being in the know of the topics circulating the planet he's living on. he's not a reality tv person though (although he may have a super super guilty pleasure of love island uk that tim and barb found out and he literally threatened them to keep to themselves, but they use as blackmail anyway).

movies i think he would like :

fyre: the greatest party that never happened, 2019. directed by chris smith

how to catch a serial killer, 2018. directed by john holdsworth

athlete a, 2020. directed by bonni cohen & jon shenk

the hatchet wielding hitchhiker, 2023. directed by colette camden

DICK GRAYSON

the total opposite of bruce, i can see dick watching more idyllic things, and just feel good ! he might like a nice biopic, but is really picky (pun unintended) about them. he also enjoys musicals !! but musicals that focus on realism and story instead of theatricals, like i think he'd pass on moulin rouge, just because there's so much going on at one time. also likes media he consumed from when he was younger, he likes the fuzziness of nostalgia.

movies i think he would like :

the greatest showman, 2017. directed by michael gracey

a knight's tale, 2001. directed by brian helgeland

the truman show, 1998. directed by peter weir

bohemian rhapsody, 2018. directed by bryan singer

JASON TODD

jason loves an action movie. he so wouldn't tell anybody, but if he likes a move he's seen in a film, he'll try it on patrol, taking out one of penguin's henchmen, or even when just training in the bat cave. but he loves films where a lot's going on and the choreography is really impressive !! he really admires fight choreographers for being able to make them look realistic, and likes to laugh at the ones that are shite.

movies i think he would like :

bullet train, 2022. directed by david leitch

scarface, 1983. directed by brian de palma

kingsman: the secret service, 2014. directed by matthew vaughn

john wick, 2014. directed by chad stahelski (and all the sequels)

TIM DRAKE

this guy prefers to watch alone, meaning he can experience sadder watched exactly how they're meant to be watched; in tears. he probably struggles to be emotional, so also watching films like these is an outlet for him. i love how with all of these their films are like a guilty pleasure thing they wouldn't tell anyone. i think people's choice in film is very telling though, so...

la la land, 2016. directed by damien chazelle

manchester by the sea, 2016. directed by kenneth lonergan

aftersun, 2022. directed by charlotte wells

dead poets society, 1989. directed by peter weir

DAMIAN WAYNE

we all know damian wayne is an... interesting species. i feel like even though he knows it is an unlikely scenario, he has figures out everything he would do in a zombie apocalypse, but hasn't told anybody, and would actively make fun of someone who has done the same. like he knows what weapons he'd need, where he'd go, how he'd make an antidote. what i'm trying to say is he likes zombie movies, and horror movies. it feels like he's testing himself, on his ability to be scared or prepared in these or future scenarios. even tho he doesn't actually get that scared. also doesn't mind foreign films, he thinks they're better at telling a story.

movies i think he would like :

train to busan, 2016. directed by yeon sangho

split, 2016. directed by m night shyamalan

hereditary, 2018. directed by ari aster

long legs, 2024. directed by osgood perkins

BARBARA GORDON

i can see barbara enjoying older films, like she likes films that show what life used to be like, and why it may have been better then, and why it may be better now. she's a very philosophical person, always thinking about shit like that. might be a black and white fan, but i'm talking technicolour classics ! she likes a good romance as well, but not ones she cries too, ones that are more feel-good and make her crave the love from that movie.

movies i think she would like :

how to lose a guy in 10 days, 2003. directed by donald petrie

west side story, 1961. directed by jerome robbins & robert wise

funny face, 1957. directed by stanley donen

notting hill, 1999. directed by roger michell

STEPHANIE BROWN

this girl will watch ANYTHING like she has such a wide taste. i said that with her music taste too, like i think she could find a way to enjoy anything. she doesn't like film bro films too much, thinks they're poo and they stink and if you're a guy and you like them you stink too and "get no bitches", but obviously that's up to opinion. obviously. although she will watch anything, i think she has a preference for comedies, and that can come in any shape and form!

movies i think she would like :

scooby doo, 2002. directed by raja gosnell

scary movie, 2000. directed by keenan ivory wayans

white chicks, 2004. directed by keenan ivory wayans

mean girls, 2004. directed by mark waters

DUKE THOMAS

duke likes epic films, like if we ignore for a sec that we're in the dc universe, he would love the batman films, especially the nolan trilogy. but he also would actually be a huge marvel fan, i can totally see it. so he likes superhero films, and he's def a fan of comedy, so if it's mixed into one genre, that's a winner for him. he likes movie nights with the family, so sitting down and getting snacks. probably loves the cinema too, so goes to see the new releases every month. isn't too picky.

movies i think he would like :

deadpool & wolverine, 2024. directed by shawn levy

kick-ass, 2010. directed by matthew vaughn

the harder they fall, 2021. directed by jeymes samuel

top gun: maverick, 2022. directed by joseph kosinski

CASSANDRA CAIN

cassandra watches MASTERPIECES. she definitely has a letterboxd account and writes wayyy too much than she needs to about a film, no matter if she loved it, hated it, or was in the middle about it. she adores foreign films, and loves films with a message. she'll watch and enjoy a film with no plot, but can get tired of them. she likes a packed plot that keeps her focused.

mustang, 2015. directed by deniz gamze ergüven

oslo, august 31st, 2011. directed by joachim trier

eat drink man woman, 1994. directed by ang lee

devdas, 2002. directed by sanjay leela bhansali

[isogenderskitty]

the more i think about ted & charlotte the sadder i get about it actually. if ted had a nickel for every time a redhead woman he loved couldn’t really be with him because of a shithead dude played by jeff blim and also because ted himself wasn’t brave enough to talk to her properly, and then he watched her die in front of him in a way he could’ve prevented, he’d have 2 nickels. which isn’t a lot but it’s heartbreaking that it happened twice

[boogeyalltheway]

guys. i think we should talk about the Presentable Liberty and Expotable Money character lore.

SPOILERS!!!

Theres two endings to Presentable Liberty: one where you leave your room to find out your prison cell was the elevator the whole time (Mr Money moneysaving tactics tm), and one where you don't. the leave ending is obviously sadder, but the stay ending give you so much more info? Like, Mr Money explains his whole plan to you (classic villain, very chefs kiss). of course, I think it can be said both games are about loneliness? yes?

PRESENTABLE LIBERTY:

Prisoner was trapped there because they're one of the few who's IMMUNE TO THE VIRUS, that's why Mr Money says "you're worth every penny". He fed them and a few others one of the only working versions of the antidote, which means there's more ppl like them (potential to explore aftermath of the game). I feel like ppl dont know about this? and he was all planning on harvesting their organs and all that for money, which he does, but yknow. we can pretend. one can explore whether or not all the prisoners were in the same building, whether you meet prisoners on the outside, or you could talk about the fact that a lot of the Happy Buddies were being fired because the prisoners were killing themselves and all that. Trapped lonely.

Salvadore's cool, the Prisoner and him were friends before, that seems like an obvious place to arrive. Loneliness of freedom? Room to explore backstory for him and the Prisoner. I got a headcannon: he picked his name for himself because he wanted to sound cooler. Seems par for the course for him, and that would be a cool little detail. I'd love to explore his relationship with the prisoner, and if any of you watched Sanders Sides, he gives BIG Roman energy.

Charlotte has "pick your poison" type loneliness. It somehow seems like both of them are very good at loneliness, however you wanna interpret that. She also gives "person who loves the colour purple".

Mr Smiley's my favourite, but that's only because there's so much about him. He was hired to be the prisoner's happy buddy, Mr Money was holding his two daughters hostage to keep him working, turns out they died ages ago, you wonder what his life and work day was like, and with all the lore, you wonder what kind of person he was. The fact that his name is Mr Smiley is just salt in the wound.

LETS TALK ABT EXPOTABLE MONEY.

prequel to Presentabe Liberty.

Youre Mr Money's organ supplier. so. immediately, added layer of depth. you, Mr Money, and Madame Sinclaire, whos a baddie, we love her. I like how it explores the opposite side of the fight, the moneys side. I believe its about one's obsession with earning money, and in fact about how when you're anxious about money, no amount seems enough and you use everything you can to try to get more. the "I need to keep earning more money or it'll all disappear if I look away" mentality. (If you haven't read the short story Johnny Mnemonic, it feels like that is what this game is based off of, or maybe theyre just coincidentally thematically similar in which case read it anyways,)

I feel Madame Sinclaire was one possible future for Mr Supplier where she also used to be hyperfixated on money but was able to turn away from that, while Mr Money is the opposite possible future. you earn money even when you don't click, and i'm not sure but can someone comfirm whether or not the clicking is slowing down your money production? THAT would be a great element of the game to further represent the money-obsession theme I theorize. its also your choice whether or not to send your cat on more trips, and in the end, one can argue its Mr Supplier's fault his cat got killed. One could also argue Madame Sinclaire somehow knew the cat was theirs and killed it to prove a point.

Also just a side note, it seems that the organ failure was an accident that Mr Money didn't expect, but he managed to make it work in his favour still. somehow. perhaps he wasnt concerned because of his secret weapon, the Prisoner.

I do think I will need to watch or play Menagerie: Archive if this obsession continues, I hear theyre in the same universe.

[johnny-and-dora]

🚨OBLIGATORY MYTHIC QUEST SEASON 3 POST🚨

i’ve had some time to think about it and i enjoyed s3 overall - there was some really funny stuff, great performances (especially from charlotte and rob) and some really great episodes. it’s nothing that people haven’t said before (and probably a lot better), but if there’s one criticism i have, it’s the lack of character development/arcs for anyone other than poppy & ian. i love their dyanmic and it’s always been the central dyanmic of the show, but mq has such a great talented ensemble cast with such varied rich characters and most of them were criminally underused this season, ESPECIALLY brad in my extremely biased yet valid opinion. (more under the cut)

it’s just frustrating bc the s2 finale set up so many interesting things that didn’t really matter in the end. how did brad going to prison for jo not matter? why did rachel give up on writing so easily, espeically after cw died? why is dana suddenly just another version of ian now who somehow has the power and resources to start her own studio? tbh i’m mainly mad that they called an episode “to catch a mouse” AND had a brad/jo subplot and didn’t explore their wonderful unhinged mouse/shark dyanmic. it was right there!!! and why completely scrap the movie subplot in the last episode, becuase that just made it feel like a big waste of time. i think mythic quest: playpen is a great way of compromising and a great way to get ian and poppy to rejoin mq, i’m much more into the plot of mq vs another rival studio (i’m assuming we might see that with studio dana in s4) as i thought mq vs grimpop was going to be a thing this season that we...didn’t see at all

i really liked the christmas episode (reminded me of everlight, my favourite ep) and sarian (holy shit that was some insanely perfect casting for young poppy). charlotte was fantastic as poppy the whole season, she had some of the funniest stuff and she nailed the sadder scenes too. i just thought s2 built on s1 so perfectly by playing with new dyanmics and showing whole new sides to characters (specifically brad and cw) so it’s frustrating to watch what felt like a backwards step in that sense, especially when it comes to brad, who felt like he was just...there. the “oh i’m just the janitor definitely not up to something nefarious” and david being so paranoid thing at the start of the season was so funny, so why did that go nowhere? brad and rachel is a really funny dyanmic, but brad saying he manipulated rachel into abandoning her ethics for the rewards of capitalism felt so much like tell, don’t show. like where is the evidence for that? also fuck nfts lol but this post is already far too long

i really like this show, that’s still true after this season. i think the two season renewal was probably a blessing and a curse and season 3 will end up being a transitionary season, maybe it was a little directionless because they knew they had another one guaranteed, i don’t know. the s3 finale did set up a lot of cool potential arcs for s4, i’m paticularly intersted in how that brad/dana/jo dyanmic will play out and i also love poppy/ian/david as a trio so that could be really fun. i just wanna see more from the whole cast, there’s so much potential for comedy and drama too with all of these characters! 

[miens-reading-nook]

But You Have Friends by Emilia McKenzie

Pages: 120 Published: 8 Aug 2023 My Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Content warnings: suicide, loss

This is a story about loss, struggling with mental health and about suicide. But it's also a story about friendship, healing and moving on. Charlotte was the author's best friend who passed away back in 2018, and this is the story of their friendship, Charlotte's death and Emilia's life after Charlotte.

I received an advanced copy of this book in exchange for a honest review and hoowee, this was a heavy one.

Before I move on to the sadder parts, I just want to mention how sweet the beginning of their friendship is. A lot of times I feel like deep emotional connections in stories are reserved for romantic relationships, like people have forgotten how exciting it can be to make a new friend, to feel understood and seen by another person, to look at someone and think "yes, we are meant to be" in a entirely platonic way. You can be in love with someone without loving them romantically. Your soulmate can be your best friend. That's the beauty of human connection. And that's Emilia and Charlotte. Two girls who felt misunderstood and displaced everywhere they went except for when they were together.

And friendships evolve, people move away and life gets harder. You can't spend your days playing with your friends like when you were kids, but I was happy to see that they kept in touch the whole time and made an effort to see each other even when they were living in different countries.

I knew going in that this would be a difficult subject for me, but as the author explains in the beginning, this is not a comic about depression and suicide, it's a comic about friendship, so it's not as heavy as it could be. But it's authentic. It's very genuine in its portrayal of loss and grief, which means it was impossible not to tear up. Emilia's anger, her despair and how helpless you feel when you lose someone. All of it was so sincere. "If we can't or won't save each other… What's the point?!" Emilia wonders i the middle of the night. "It's so weird being here and trying to care about stuff that is ultimately pointless." She thinks when she goes back to work. Grief consumes you and makes you question everything. "I thought grief would put things into perspective, but instead, everything seems difficult and terrifying." I feel like the author managed to put down in words a lot of things I've felt but never managed to articulate.

One scene that really hit me was when Emilia dreams about Charlotte. "She doesn't know she's dead." That line broke my heart. There's nothing sadder than waking up from a dream where the person you miss wasn't really gone.

"…like she's from an earlier time. I hate that feeling." This line made me think of how weird it is to think about people who have died pre-covid. To look back and think, oh yeah, this person is from the "before" times. This also happens to your life, and that's more what the author was talking about, there is a before and an after a loss, but I hadn't though of how the pandemic also affects this.

I thought the way they honored Charlotte was really beautiful. I hope when I go, people gather around and tell stories about me that made them laugh. I want them to remember me with a smile on their faces.

And this story raises a lot of questions this subject always raises for me. How much influence do you really have over someone else's happiness? Can you ever really save someone? How much can it come from you, and how much does it have to come from them?

Anyway, I think this is a really beautiful story, it's heartbreaking, especially when you remember it's based on a true story, and I think it was told with a lot of respect.

The only thing I didn't enjoy as much was the art. I've never been someone that thinks art needs to be perfect or realistic to be considered art, but there were a couple of panels that completely pulled me out of the story. Namely when Emilia is saying something serious/sad and her eyes are completely exotropic, making it seem like she's pulling a funny face. I don't think it would be hard to go over it in the end and correct all these little mistakes.

And lastly, the title is incredible. That was what made me want to pick this up in the first place and I think it really works.

Many thanks to IDW Publishing for the ARC!

[hailbabel]

What relationship do you think Lucy and Charlotte had in childhood?

Good question! They seem very close when we see them in the show, but there are some obvious sore spots in their relationship. Charlotte is jealous that Margret is so protective of Lucy, and Lucy feels inadequate in her abilities compared to Charlotte. Funny enough, both sisters seem to think that the other is the favored one.

I think for little Charlotte, it would have been hard to find that dutiful, protective big sister instinct, especially knowing what was coming for her. Ultimately, it's her own coming out as a harlot that makes her want to first shelter and, in later years, help Lucy as much as possible. Once she has tasted the life for herself, she can't wish it on anyone, least of all her own sister.

As for Lucy, she wanted to be just like Charlotte, and do everything her big sister did. Until the day that Charlotte was sold and her big sister didn't have time for games anymore.

[theunchainedmelody]

Vanessa x Yami One-Shot

So... I got sick and tired of the lack of attention this rare pair gets so I wrote a one-shot for it. WARNING: This Story is VERY, VERY ADULT AND LEMONY. Also, it’s probably not the most feministic writing. So I apologize if any of it offends people as I was writing it for myself and it’s not my intention to be problematic. If you want to support me, leave a comment here or leave a review at https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13905101/1/Witch-s-Lust-The-Seduction-of-Captain-Yami

"Witch's Lust" The Seduction of Captain Yami

The rose-haired witch was staring intently at a bottle of wine standing criminally unopened in front of her. As she wondered whether to uncork it, she swirled around her wine glass, of which, now only a small burgundy pool at the glasses' bottom remained. Her velvet glove slid around the glass's stem as her mind drifted off. Vanessa Enoteca had been drunk for most of the day and was now suffering through the remnants of a hangover. She rested in her lingerie, happily presenting to the men in the room as she lay sprawled out on a sofa in the main room. Here, most of her squad was gathered, engaging in all sorts of merrymaking and violent duels. This company was spread out through a fireplace-lit chamber filled with sofas, dining tables, and tapestries.

The sound of Magna and Luck engaged in a magical battle was ringing in her ears. It was almost as loud as their voices as they quarreled. Vanessa let out a sigh as she half-regretted her choice to drink so early in the day. Just this once, perhaps she should have taken her day off to go and meet some dreamy man. Yet in the end, it was easier to stay here and lazily lounge about the mansion. That was when she heard her beloved captain come marching into the main room. The stomping of his boots alerted her to his presence as he marched in with his usual swagger. Her eyes wandered to Captain Yami as he looked over the Black Bulls. For some reason, she felt a bit pained seeing him. It was not as if she adored him any less, but from what she had gathered, he had met with the Blue Rose's captain Charlotte several times recently for some sort of secret missions. As Charlotte's crush on him was obvious, the entire situation made Vanessa uncomfortable. She was not so naïve as to be clueless about why she felt this way. She had a crush on him herself, perhaps even something akin to love. Unfortunately, Vanessa was too lazy to do anything about it. She sometimes casually flirted with Captain Yami or even the other men in the Black Bulls. With Captain Yami, it had never led anywhere as he never seemed to care about her playful confessions or flirtations.

In any case, her drunken gaze ate the eye candy in front of her. Yami was so incredibly handsome it should have been illegal. He was a tall, broad-shouldered man with messy black hair, a bit of stubble, and a cigarette in his mouth. His rugged, virile masculinity was always pouring out, most evident in how his muscular pecs looked painted on upon his sleeveless white shirt. This was to say nothing about his incredible height, his muscular shoulders and biceps, those veiny forearms, and his handsome, rugged face. His sexiness further oozed out in how he carried himself, with a macho, laid-back attitude containing a sharp, fighting spirit. She certainly wasn't the first woman to think so about him and she doubted she was the last.

She heard Yami say in his deep baritone, "Alright. Listen up. We've got a mission. Some new bandit gang has been assaulting one of the big-time merchants and the nobles want us for an armed guard. I'm sending two of you out on this."

Once the members began to scramble for his attention as they always did, Vanessa found herself unable to understand a single sentence between them. Everyone was raising their hands frantically and shouting in unison. It served to heighten the sharp pain from her hangover. She moved over to the table with a bottle in hand, wanting to sit closer to the captain in case he chose her for this mission. However, she had an intuitive feeling he wasn't going to. For some reason, Vanessa felt less playful and jubilee than she would have expected. After all, she was infamous for being a lighthearted party girl, especially after drinking down a few glasses of wine.

Magna said, "Come on, Captain! I'm the man for the job. I haven't busted skulls in ages"

Yami said to Magna, "No way. You hit the last merchant we guarded over the head when he insulted you!"

When Finral offered his services for the chance to speak to the female merchants, the Captain answered with, "No way. If you're just going to flirt with the female merchants, you might as well stay home then."

It was the same response for Asta, Charmy, and Grey. He then looked over to Vanessa, sitting attentively at the table beside him. She pointed to herself with a rather humble look, the captain being the only man she'd ever act so meek around.

She said quietly, "I suppose the same goes for me since I'm always drunk?"

Yami's arms crossed and he said, "You're no use to us when you're all tipsy."

Vanessa's eyes lowered and she said, "Ah. I'm very sorry, boss."

Like all the Black Bulls, she admired him and fought for his affection. Still, she felt a bit sadder at his remark than she usually would. What had gotten into her?

That was when her Captain added, "But when you're sober, I'd say the opposite. You tend to have a level head. You're the most reliable one here."

His praise warmed her heart. She couldn't help but blush and beam happily up at him.

"Ah. Thank you, Captain" she said.

Despite this compliment, Yami didn't pick her on account of her hangover. Instead, he opted to send Noelle and Gordon on the uneventful mission.

______________________________________________________________

One month later….

Vanessa, Asta, Charmy, and Yami were all out on yet another mission. It was a busy week for the Black Bulls. Vanessa found herself hoping she would get a star accolade if she performed well enough. It wasn't like her to much care for such things but lately, Asta had been something of a motivation for her, as he was for all the Black Bulls. As Asta and Charmy were asleep in the spacious squad tent, Vanessa found herself alone with Captain Yami. It was rare to have this man alone to herself like this, and so she was quite enjoying it. The pink-haired witch felt more like herself tonight, perhaps thrilled because she got picked to go with Yami on missions several times lately. She had been able to show off her red thread of fate and the samurai even complimented her!

At the moment, Vanessa was drinking down more alcohol as Yami sat on a separate log to her left while smoking a fresh cigarette. She smacked her lips happily as she finished a sip of booze. She was a bit tipsy, albeit not fully inebriated, as they were still on a mission, and she needed to stay alert.

Yami said quietly, "Oi. Don't get drunk now."

"Aye aye, Captain," she said with a playful salute.

Vanessa showed her obedience by corking up the bottle. That was when she saw Yami gazing up at the starry sky, admiring the dazzling canvas of stars, planets, and galaxies that enveloped the heavens above them. She smiled at seeing the captain unusually lost in thought. Normally, he didn't seem to be thinking of much at all. She didn't consider him stupid, but he was a simple, honest individual. Vanessa didn't dislike that in a man. Yami was her type after all. Perhaps it was because he was her first encounter with a man, but he remained the golden standard. Just like back then, she continued to love his broad manly frame. She remembered the day he broke into her birdcage. It stirred something within her when she had him so close to her, an overdue awakening for her as a heterosexual woman. And now, she had Captain Yami to compare every other man to in her endeavors. She was happy to sleep with attractive gentlemen now and then, whether they be pretty boys or hunks, but the captain would always be the prize.

Vanessa giggled a bit as she remembered that nostalgic first meeting. She thought of it often, ever since her last encounter with the Witch Queen. That destined day, Yami showed her she could walk on her own two feet. What Vanessa now valued above all else was freedom. The freedom to enjoy all the pleasures she desired. The freedom to fight for her friends. The freedom to grow stronger. The freedom to seek a happy ending and rewrite her fate. In the end, she always did what she wanted. Even her loyalty to the Black Bulls was something she had chosen willingly. Her loyalty to this man was entirely her choice.

Now, as Vanessa looked over to Yami, she realized how comfortable she felt around him. Even so, this was not to say he didn't get her heart racing the closer he was to her face. She often found her heart beating madly when he was beside her. However, as he blew out a puff of smoke and paid her no attention, that was when it struck her…. the danger of being so casual with the captain. Likely, Yami saw Vanessa as no more than a little sister. Her heart raced when around him, but his heart did not race when around her. It was then that an even more disconcerting thought entered her mind.

In that moment, what WAS he thinking about?

Perhaps…

Perhaps he was thinking of another woman…

The witch shook away the infantile thought. Whether he was thinking of Charlotte or some other inane topic, one thing was for certain: Vanessa was not on his mind. Never once, had he showed an ounce of attraction or interest in her. The witch's eyes became sad. Her eyes darted over to the far-off tents. They were still zipped closed, meaning it was unlikely anyone would hear what she wished to ask him. And so, Vanessa finally decided to ask him the million-dollar question.

"Hey Captain, I heard you've been doing missions with the Blue Rose's captain. You're not getting a crush on her, are you? Those Blue Roses don't seem friendly to men. Haha."

Yami stared at her unamused and she regretted her lighthearted jabs. Of course, she was prying for information but this all left her feeling like an idiot.

At last, Yami asked, "Hmmm? Who told you that?"

Vanessa jabbed further and said, "I heard from a little birdie that you said she and you can get married when you are both old and alone. I'm so jealous. Charlotte's a lucky lady. Fufufu."

Yami again stared at her blankly, not flustered in the least.

He said, "I was mostly joking. Even if she has a crush, she doesn't say much."

Vanessa felt a bit of relief at his responses, but they were still far too ambiguous. She decided she needed to be absolutely sure of the situation. As such, she decided to risk her own attempts to woo him by saying, "Is that so? I thought she was your type. You like strong women and she's a captain. And she's ranked first in looks according to the Magic Knight's survey. But I suppose I was mistaken. You're such a hard man to read. Heh heh."

Propping up Charlotte hurt terribly, but Vanessa had to bear with it.

Yami rubbed the back of his thick, dark hair a bit awkwardly and said, "I'm not sure what to say. I haven't thought about any of that seriously. I'm not looking to date her or something. My love is battle, booze, and sword. And I'm busy looking after you brats."

He flashed a cheeky smile at her. Vanessa couldn't help but smile in response. He hadn't said he was uninterested in Charlotte, but it seemed that interest wasn't serious. And if it was, he wasn't going to make any moves within the next century or so. She decided to not pry further lest she expose her jealousy. Instead, she put a gloved hand to her cheek and smiled lazily. Honestly, she was impressed she had managed to get him to speak so much about his emotions and thoughts. Yami rarely opened up about anything. It seemed there was some depth to him he was hiding, much as she had suspected for many a years. Just as she was ready to return to sipping her glass of wine, Captain Yami added one last comment that would shatter everything.

"And besides," said Yami, "I don't know what's up with this bullshit survey you're talking about, but I honestly figured you'd be ranked first. Men are always looking at you starry-eyed, right?"

Suddenly, her cheeks were burning red. He had never complimented her looks before, even if his wording was a bit indirect. Again, she decided to test the boundaries of their relationship to see if she could hear the words she wanted so desperately for him to say.

"Oh?" asked Vanessa playfully, "Captain, you're making me blush. But there's no need to try and cheer me up. I placed fourth. I couldn't be happier."

She wasn't.

Vanessa had placed fourth because she was lacking in feminine charms, appeal, and a sense of propriety. This was not to say she was terribly insecure about it. She was far from desperate for male validation, even if she enjoyed the attention. Even Yami's affection was something she could live without. But right now, she started to doubt that last part. It was frustrating to know she didn't have a chance in winning him over. The sinful witch's advances on the captain couldn't compete with what a pure maiden like Charlotte could offer him. Her love was inferior and she was undesirable as a romantic partner. Men were happy to bed her, but she'd never gotten a confession in her life. And so, in this moment, she simply waited for the captain to shoot her down. It wouldn't be the first time he ignored her flirtations. It was her destiny to lose in the battlefield that was love.

"I wasn't trying to cheer you up," Captain Yami answered, "I was just telling the truth."

His tone was rather stern. Vanessa was both flattered and a bit afraid to see Yami's grave tone of voice aimed at her. Had she teased him too much? She didn't want him mad at her. Vanessa couldn't stand the thought of upsetting or disappointing Yami.

He continued in a casual tone of voice, "Don't worry about some shitty poll. Everyone knows that the most beautiful witch in the Magic Knights is the Black Bull's 'Lush of a Witch'. That's obvious, isn't it?"

Vanessa couldn't help but blush furiously. Her hands clenched together as she felt utterly embarrassed. She hoped he didn't realize just how flustered she was. Never in a million years did she expect to get this compliment from him. He saw her platonically, right? But his comment, while not particularly sexual, seemed a bit personal, didn't it? He was saying HE found her the most beautiful, right? She wondered if she should play it off with a tease, but decided yet again, to push her luck. Just maybe, she could change her fate tonight.

"Oh my, Captain," she said with a playful hand to her cheek, "You think I'm the most beautiful?"

She swore she saw Yami get flustered for once in his life. Not red in the cheeks but just a bit hesitant to answer. He then took in another breath of tobacco and sent a cloud pouring out from between his lips. He played it cool, as always.

He said slowly, "I said that, right? But don't push your luck and get a big head. You're part of my squad because of your abilities, not your looks. Save those worries for when you're off-duty, Vanessa."

"Of course, Captain," she was with heated cheeks, "I'm flattered you think so."

Vanessa was positively ecstatic now. Sure, he didn't have feelings for her, but if he found her attractive, that was a good start. In a way, his chivalry made her love him even more. He honestly respected her enough to not take advantage of her. He also respected her abilities as a mage, as a member of the Black Bulls. Perhaps she even met his qualifications for a strong woman. Even if she was not a frontline fighter, she was a competent witch who had won her fair share of battles. The lustful witch, with her insatiable thirst for the opposite sex, decided to risk it all for this man. And so, she sought to seduce her beloved captain. The ultimate prey.

______________________________________________________________

Later that night…

Crickets and frogs in some far-off bog kept the silence between them from being wholly unbearable. After another several minutes, Vanessa stood up and brought her bottle over to beside Captain Yami. For a moment, she was frozen behind him, staring down in petrification. Her mind momentarily froze as she wondered what to do next. Vanessa was sweating. What had gotten into her? She never froze, even in the company of a particularly gorgeous man. But this was Captain Yami we are talking about!

Just as Yami was about to ask what was up with her, the scarlet-haired witch sat herself down beside him on the log.

"Want a drink, Captain?" she asked playfully.

"Eh? Alright," he said casually.

He drank from her wine bottle and she took a swig herself. She truly wasn't like Charlotte, blushing from indirect kisses from Yami. She was just herself… Vanessa. And either he liked these parts of Vanessa or he didn't. In any case, Vanessa wasn't going to wait timidly any longer like her rival. Besides, Captain Yami would never make the first move. She'd never even see him with a woman before. She wondered why that was. Vanessa decided to learn where she stood in all of this, or rather to wrap her red thread of fate around him. Only this thread didn't require Rogue, only her womanly charms.

Vanessa slid her gloved hand behind his muscular arm and looped her arms around it until she had him wrapped in a loving embrace. He gazed over at her with a raised eyebrow. She placed her head on his shoulder. He didn't recoil or pull away. Even so, her actions could be mistaken for one of her casual flirtations, especially after the nice things he had said. She'd never gone further with him than this. It was time to cross the line!

Enoteca released her grip on his bulging arm muscles and placed her hand on his pec. It was so firm, ready to burst out of his shirt. It drove her mad with desire. She let her hand cling to his chest as she began to rest her cheek on his shoulder. There was no denying what she was trying to do, right?

"Hmm? What are you trying to do?" he asked blankly.

She said in a soft voice, "Captain, you must know I've got a huge crush on you. I've had one since you rescued me from that birdcage."

She lovingly stroked his pec and let her hands rub on the tree-trunk limbs he called arms. He stared forward like before, but she could feel it. His heartbeat was increasing.

Yami said calmly, "You know we can't. I'm your captain. I can't abuse that power."

Vanessa said, "What if I want it? If the sex or dating doesn't work out, we can just go back to how it was before."

Yami replied, "We can't go back, Vanessa. You're my beloved subordinate. I care about you. You should find a good, honest man to take care of you."

She exclaimed passionately, "Captain, you're the man I love! Only you."

She swore that for a moment, Yami flashed her the slightest hint of a blush.

"You're drunk," he said.

"Captain, you're so mean," she whined in a girly voice, "Just reject me outright. Say if you don't want me. For a man of few words, you sure dance around things."

Yami rubbed the back of his hair and said, "Want has nothing to do with it. I'm your captain. There are boundaries we can't cross."

Vanessa asked slyly, "So if I wasn't your underling… Are you saying you would?"

He didn't answer.

She leaned up to his ear and began to speak in her most erotic voice, "If I was in a different squad, would you get excited if you saw me in this outfit or in nothing but my lingerie laying on your bed? Waiting for it? Begging for it?"

He seemed frustrated now and rubbed his head as he said, "You look sexy as hell all the time. In your panties or your uniform. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Mmm-hmm," she said as she leaned up and kissed Yami on the lips. She put her hands on each side of his face as she pressed her lips against his. She was kissing her beloved captain. Vanessa felt his cheeks heat up even as he kept eye contact. She decided to do the same and give him "fuck me" eyes as she tasted his lips. At last, he kissed back.

"Mwuah," she said as they smooched.

Her heart was racing and her body was warm with fever.

"If you don't tell me to stop," she said in a breathy voice, "I might just go all the way, Captain. Fufufufu."

She giggled as her hands now roamed down his neck, laying loving kisses upon it. She tugged on his ear with her teeth like a predator tasting its meal. This man could break her in his arms, but right now, he seemed to have turned into jelly before her. Her hands wickedly fondled his muscles and ran across his delectable collarbones. She let her lips leave nude-pink lipstick kisses on his white t-shirt. Vanessa then traced her fingers over his abdominal muscles as she slid down and got onto her knees, a position she only took when devouring a man. She let her hand wrap around his bulge, and to her delight, her beloved captain seemed to be stiffening up. But she needed to truly impress Yami if she was to make him go absolutely wild for her. For that, she would use her man-pleasing skills until he was unable to think of any other woman than her.

"Wait," said Yami, "Those brats will see."

Are you getting flustered, Captain? How cute.

Vanessa said, "Then you better not moan too loud for me, Captain."

She was disobeying him. It was exciting to finally get what she wanted with the captain. However, she decided to pause a moment. Despite her desire to seduce him, she wanted his consent in all of this. And so she remained between his legs, dangerously close to his crotch as she gazed up at him patiently, awaiting those magic words. If he wanted her to stop, he merely needed to say so.

At last, he whispered, "Fine. But keep your voice down."

The witch sported a wicked smile. She slid down his pants and smirked at the sight of his fundoshi. She then slid aside his loincloth as her eyes widened.

This is Captain Yami's… cock

Vanessa licked her lips excitedly at the delectable sight in front of her. She hoped she wouldn't drool as anticipation left her starved for him. Her captain was well-hung indeed. She couldn't wait to kiss it. To taste it. To suck on it. To lick it. To swallow it. For it to stuff her full. Instinctively, she moaned as she slid her tongue on the underside of the shaft. She was already wet just from a taste of the erotic cock before her. It was almost instinctive how she devoured it hungrily. However, his veiny member wasn't yet at its most magnificent. Vanessa began to play with it in her skillful hand, rubbing her thumb over the bulbous head as she pulled back his foreskin. She then swirled her tongue around the glistening tip of Yami's throbbing erection. He was erect for her! She had succeeded in turning him on. She looked up to see Yami was panting a bit now. Inside, his rigid emotions were shattering.

He thought, "Damn. She's good at this. How many men has she done this with?"

The sight of Yami's ever-growing lust for her turned the witch on to no end. As did the taboo of sucking her captain's cock, a man who was practically family to her and the Black Bulls. There was also the thrill of getting caught. Vanessa did enjoy the idea of another man watching, but she knew if her comrades woke up, it was over. Even so, she wanted to make him moan and growl for her. She tasted his delicious manhood before wrapping her lips lovingly around the thick head and tasted his sticky precum. She then lay kisses down the underside until she reached her captain's balls, both of which were brimming with semen meant to impregnate her. She licked each testicle and wrapped her lips around them lovingly, sucking on them gently. Vanessa played with his balls in one hand now as she returned to his monstrous penis. Something so big… She would surely choke on it and it was sure to break her. Even so, she couldn't wait to find out if it would fit inside her womanhood. She decided to show him just how good she was at pleasing a man. She took his dick into her mouth and laid it on her tongue. She then sunk downward and let his shaft slide down her throat. The lustful witch was deepthroating her captain's entire cock, the man she was smitten with! It was like a dream come true for her. Vanessa couldn't help but moan as she took him in inch by inch until she swallowed him down to the base. She left his veiny dick covered in a wet froth of saliva. Her eyes were heavy with a fever for his manhood, and she let her finger rub against her clit. Without a doubt, this was the hottest blowjob she had ever given.

At last, Vanessa released his shaft from her mouth and asked him in her sultriest voice, "How does it feel? I'm quite proud of my blowjob skills."

He said both angrily and weakly, "Damn it. I'm going to lose it if you keep doing that."

"Then lose yourself to it, Captain!"

Vanessa slurped and tasted it hungrily before deepthroating the entire shaft once more. She was bobbing her head now. She could already tell the captain's manhood was throbbing and ready to burst. She giggled, somehow knowing he was not used to climaxing so soon. Unfortunately for him, there was dark witchcraft at work here. This witch's lascivious tongue was trying to drain him. She was kissing the head of it when she suddenly felt Yami's powerful hand wrap around her head. The young woman blushed as the muscular man forced her down onto his massive girth.

"Mmmmph!" she moaned both in surprise and in arousal.

She choked on it a bit as he handled her so roughly.

"S-Sorry," he said, "I lost control."

Vanessa giggled as she resumed her work and let him hold her against his crotch, making her worship it. He tasted utterly amazing. She licked his manhood lovingly now until it was left twitching and sensitive. As Yami began to rub her hair warmly, she let her tongue swirl around the head again. At last, she saw his dick twitch madly and the captain's teeth smashed together before he let out a growl. The untamed muscles of his body tightened, and his legs jerked forward violently.

"Fuck," he groaned, "Uggh….:"

Again, he forced her to swallow his cock as he climaxed. She lovingly took in every drop of this man's thick, fertile seed. The taste was salty and masculine. It bubbled as she drank it down, much of it getting stuck on the walls of her throat. Vanessa took down every drop for him, showing off the indisputable fact that she was a swallower, not a spitter.

"Mmmmn" she let out amidst licking her lips, "How was that?"

Yami said, "I doubt anyone can compete with that, Vanessa."

She loved when he said her name.

Her captain thought silently to himself as he recovered, "That's enough though. We can't go any further."

Vanessa said," Ooh. I got so horny, sucking your cock, Captain. Let's go all the way. Why don't you bend me over and have your way with me?"

Her words put an even more powerful hex on him, luring one of the most powerful captains in the Clover Kingdom into her trap. Yami grit his teeth again, looking like he was struggling to choose between a life and death choice on a hellish battlefield. But Vanessa already knew she had won. He then sighed as he regained control of himself… somewhat at least.

He answered flatly, "Not here. Let's go somewhere more private."

______________________________________________________________

Vanessa clung happily to her captain's arm as they made their way deeper into the forest. Around them, the air was growing cooler and the sound of nocturnal creatures deafened their ears. Once the tent was well out of sight, Yami brought Vanessa to a thicket of trees with a small grassy clearing on the other side. A fine choice. The wizard then pulled up her against him, his arms wrapping around her. It left her blushing and made her heart skip a beat. Her brain struggled to process that she was sharing such a romantic moment with such an aloof man as Captain Yami. His powerful hands slid down to her burgundy miniskirt, and he let his rough, calloused fingers feel her soft thighs.

He said, "You're always flaunting your body in this skimpy outfit, trying to get a rise out of men. Trying to get a rise out of me."

"Fufufu," she said, "That's right. Looks like I finally caught a good one."

She pulled down her corset dress and let her massive melons slip out. Her Captain Yami didn't waste any time in enjoying her chest. He began to press his handsome face into her cleavage, tickling her with inviting hot breaths upon her bare skin. Vanessa giggled, never expecting to see this side of her beloved leader. She let him take a nipple into his mouth and suckle on it fiercely as if searching for milk. His tongue was swirling around it as his sword-wielding hand sunk into her other breast. She panted and moaned, her breasts feeling all manner of pleasure from this man.

Once her nipples were left glistening with saliva, Vanessa guided Yami towards a large tree trunk behind him. She sat him down so his back rested against it as she began to kiss him again. She then grinned and blushed madly as she felt him lift up her skirt and slide down her purple panties. His forceful hands wrapped around her large round ass and sunk deep into it. Vanessa arched her back and moaned shamelessly as she felt him strike it with one of his burly hands. Her butt stung in the most delightful way as her captain marked her as his woman, leaving her rump stinging and a man's handprint temporarily tattooed upon it. He now spun her around so he could let his hands explore her from behind. Vanessa panted and squirmed as he gave into his pent-up desires. His hands fondled her breasts roughly from behind and sunk into them greedily as he nibbled on her ear, his teeth tugging on it gently. What a tease he was… She couldn't resist letting out another moan of approval. Yami let a hot puff of air linger in her ear, as if he were a hungry wolf about to devour her. His hand now slid down to her legs. She felt him slide a powerful index finger down to her womanhood. He played with the nub there, sending maddening pleasure up her body. Vanessa squealed in his embrace. His hairy arms were bulging and his veins were throbbing as he held her against him, exploring her body however he wished.

He said heatedly, "Your body is insane."

She panted, "Ooh. You're the … mmnn… one who looks built for breeding me."

He said sinfully in her ear, "What a coincidence, you look built for being bred."

His words were utterly arousing to her. Did he really just say such a thing? He wasn't usually like this. Was he drunker than he appeared? Vanessa wasn't sure of what the answer might be, but he was saying all the right things. Usually, she relied on a few words of praise from Yami each month, but today he was making her feel like a queen, even as he handled her so roughly. His fingers now slid into her lower lips of which were soaking wet. She panted as she leaked out fluids in response to his skillful finger. A second digit slipped into her womanhood and together both fingers began to thrust into her like a dick. After several minutes of being fingered and having her breasts fondled, the man-loving witch splashed out her juices for him. However, like Yami, she was far from winded. His teasing had only made her more desperate to push these boundaries past the point of no return. As he continued to play with her clit, Vanessa moaned out her true desire.

"Oh fuck, Captain," she said as she panted madly, "I want it. I want your cock. I want you to impregnate me! Mmmmnn."

Yami said, "Alright then. Bend over."

Vanessa grinned happily and obeyed him. Despite how weak her legs were after being pleasured by the samurai's ruthless hands, she perfectly balanced herself on her high heels. Vanessa bent over with her hands pressed against the tree's lengthy trunk as she presented her ass to him. Her garters dug into her flesh as she did. She panted and as she felt Yami's hot shaft land directly on her ass cheeks. He was driving her crazy! She found herself desperate to be fucked by him as if she were in heat during mating season.

"Ooh don't tease me, Captain," she said with a manic look in her eye.

He said, "Vanessa… Sorry. I don't think I'll be able to control myself."

"Don't hold back," she said, "Let out all your pent-up frustration… Unleash all your lust onto me."

He said, "Have it your way. You're the one that caused this so hurry up and take responsibility."

The witch panted as she felt Yami's shaft begin to force its way into her and spread her wide. He was stuffing her full and splitting her apart. He was utterly massive and just the feeling of it remaining inside her was driving her mad. Vanessa then felt his boiling-hot hands grab her ass as he withdrew. Immediately, he speared her deep and fast as he swung forward his muscular hips. His hard muscles crashed into her soft flesh. The clap of his testicles to her butt echoed through the forest. Yami seemed mesmerized by how her butt jiggled with his thrusts and so he struck both pale cheeks with his palm. The succubus witch moaned with every blow as he increased the speed of his thrusts. He suddenly grabbed her by the wrists and pulled them back beside her hips. Her captain was having his way with her! His thrusts became ferocious, like that of a bucking bronco. He slammed into her and impaled her deep, spearing her with every inch of his veiny rod. It sent a shock up her spine. She looked back to see the dashing ronin panting madly, baring his fangs to her like a feral beast. His handsome face was red and glistened with sweat. As he overheated, Yami gave her quite the show as he pulled off his shirt and revealed his glistening, glorious chest. His pecs and chiseled abs were practically oiled with sweat as he continued to thrust into her. His cock was already throbbing as it rammed in deep.

Her captain said, "Damn. I'm going to cum. Where do you want it?"

She panted as she frantically said, "Inside!"

"Suit yourself, witch," he answered.

As he poured into her, she heard him growl like a ferocious beast. He arched his back and tightened his grip on her wrists as he shoved his manhood in deep again and unloaded fertile seed into her womb. Venessa's tongue hung out as she moaned from feeling him froth within her. She knew she would need to buy an emergency pregnancy-control charm the next morning. A thick load like this was dangerous for her. And yet it drove her mad as he kept dragging back his hips and snapping forward into her, so desperate to impregnate her. Not a moment later, she climaxed again. She arched her back as her juices splashed out of her and his seed poured deep in.

In the heat of the moment, Vanessa cried out, "Captain, I've always loved you! Aaaahnn!"

Yami said, "That's playing dirty, you troublesome woman… Fuck!"

He grit his teeth angrily as his body began to tremble. His powerful eyes weakened and his face was red from blushing. For them both, it felt as if his virile semen would never stop filling her. As Yami pulled out, one last shot escaped him and splashed onto her ass and clothes. Vanessa was marked by the erotic scent of her mate. Yami panted now over her as his muscled tightened and relaxed with every breath.

"Oooh…" said Vanessa, feeling his load gush out of her.

She then looked back at her beloved captain. To her amusement, he was still rearing to go. She licked her lips and rubbed her butt against his manhood playfully, threatening to make it slip into either of her holes.

"Shall we continue until you are spent?" she asked playfully.

Yami panted and took out a cigarette, lighting a fresh smoke.

He muttered something that sounded like, "Insatiable woman."

That night they did it in every position imaginable. From behind. Missionary. Cowgirl. Vanessa even begged him until he dicked her asshole. As morning arose, she and her captain were left utterly exhausted. He was completely spent and her clothes were stained with the gift of her darling Captain's essence, the fruits of their lovemaking. Yami now tenderly held her slender wrist in his mighty grip, holding her close to him. His broad-shouldered body welcomed her into rest. Vanessa leaned up and planted another kiss on his lips. He did not resist as their lips crashed against one another. After such a hedonistic encounter, Vanessa was surprised the night ended so softly. Yet she would not complain. A romantic embrace with her captain was equally welcome.

As they heard Asta and Charmy begin to stir back at the camp, Vanessa and Yami immediately sprung to their feet in a panic. Suddenly, all the risks and consequences of their lustful endeavor returned to them.

Yami said, "Let's run for the river. We'll pretend we fell in boar shit or something."

Vanessa said, "Oh? I was going to brag to the other Black Bulls. Mission success! I seduced the captain!"

Yami said humorlessly, "You're mad, woman. Absolutely not. You're definitely joking, but don't forget, you and I will be in hot water with the higher-ups if I'm caught fraternizing with a subordinate."

Vanessa said, "Ah. I'm sorry about that."

He then put a hand on her head and let it ruffle through her pink locks. She couldn't help but blush the same as always. Anytime he doted on her, she was extremely happy.

He said, "So I'm saying it's best you keep this between us for now. Is that clear?"

"Aye aye, Sir," she said with a professional salute.

He then sighed again and for a moment, she saw a genuine smile upon his face.

Jeez. Just when I thought he couldn't get any more handsome.

Yami then gazed at her with a bit of determination in his eyes.

He said, "Oh yeah. I want to clear something up. You talked about me preferring strong women. But actually, I told you I like women I can drink with too. You're the one who asked me at the festival, remember?"

"A-Ah," she said a bit embarassed, "You mean-"

"I'm saying you fit both those things. That makes you my type of woman, doesn't it?" said Yami, "So no more pouting. You got your way after all."

He then continued, "Oh, and no more flirting with other guys, got it?'

She said a bit angrily, "Of course, I know that! Geeze."

Her man now smiled at her and waved back at her as he said, "Well, we best wash up."

Vanessa then heard him say gently and mischievously, "Seems I'm caught in the witch's web with no way out. What a pain."

With that, Yami turned around and coolly made his way towards the river, happily smoking as he did. He had his hands in his pockets now as he sported a sly grin she could not see. Instead, Vanessa was left with a hand to her chest as her face turned a brand-new shade of scarlet. That man… he liked her more than he let on it seemed. She couldn't help but smile lovingly at him, enjoying the sight of his shoulder blade and muscles pressing through his sleeveless shirt.

What an interesting man he was! Despite claiming to be a warrior of few thoughts and fewer words, Captain Yami was cleverer than he let on. A good match for a clever witch like her. He always knew what to say to make her happy. With those words, Vanessa knew that slowly but surely, they could start a relationship together. Despite her insecurities, Yami had picked her in the end. He chose HER. She couldn't help but feel a bit of pride and a sense of relief at her victory. She looked forward to the day he held her bridal style in his arms with her family, those rambunctious Black Bulls, cheering them on as they announced they were officially dating. Until then, she would be his wicked witch and pull the strings needed to get her way and gain their happy ending together.

<3 The End <3 

[harryskalechips]

This sucks Part 2

A/N Here is the new part two for this sucks. Thank you for all the feedback and for calling me out for the shitty ending of the last version. I rewrote this part with a mixture of the old one. I’m not sorry about the last version but I did want to rewrite this and give this one-shot some justice. I thought this would be more appropriate for our plot. Lastly, I want to say thank you for your support. Without you, I would not have a place to share my work. Anyways, if you read the last version and is content with that, You don’t need to read this but for my lovely angsty cravers. I serve you a full plate of depression. Enjoy xxx  

Word count 3456

Part 1

“Get the fuck out, Mitch.” Harry slurs to his guitarist as he tries his best not to fall back onto his hotel bed. He kept tripping and stumbling onto the mattress and that’s exactly why he doesn’t want it to happen again.

“Dude, you have a show tomorrow. You’ve been getting drunk every night and I don’t think it’s good for your career.” Mitch leans on the side of the wall with his arms crossed. His sarcastic reply just showed how tired he was about Harry acting out. He missed the last tour when everything was good... despite his breakup with Camille in the near end. At least, Harry wasn’t trying to drown himself in alcohol that time. 

“You don’t know what’s best for me!” Harry grips onto the desk in front of him and reaches over his bag to grab the beaten journal. “Now leave me alone, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ve never seen you this fucked up before, Harry. You know we’re all here for you.” Mitch shares his disappointment as he watches Harry throw himself on the couch and dive into his journal. When Love on Tour first started, he was very quiet but as the shows progressed, Harry’s frustration began to seep through. Everyone could tell he was angry at himself. Obviously, heartbroken. 

As Mitch stood in the corner of Harry’s room observing him, Harry tried his best to write something on the paper. He needed it to seem like he was focused. After a couple minutes, his friend leaves the room making Harry rub his face in relief as he throws his journal on the floor. 

Fuck this. fuck this. He repeats in his head as he raises his hips in the air, trying to grab his phone from his back pocket. His eyes are lazily open as he taps on the screen searching for the green phone app. He looks for his favourites and out of fake shock, he stares at the only name on it. Y/N. 

Giving a call once a day showed Y/N, he wants her back but calling her multiple times a day? Y/N had to know he was desperate. 

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

The automated voice he hears every time repeats. It almost felt like she was laughing at him for being so pathetic. Out of anger, he tosses his phone on the floor and lays on his stomach. It felt weird being so angry and sad at the same time about a relationship that only lasted for four months but Harry knew it was the best relationship he has ever had. So maybe everyone can fuck off a bit because he just lost his girlfriend without actually being able to fight for her. 

~

“Harry, you haven’t been answering your sister or your mum. They’ve been calling me to check up on you. Would you like me to schedule a time for you to call them.” Harry’s secretary Andy, asks him as they approach his private jet. They’re on their way back to America since he had just finished the European leg.

“No, but next time they call, tell them I said to fuck off.” Andy nervously swallows the lump in her throat and nods.  

It’s been months! Months after Harry and Y/N’s break up but Harry can’t help but still feel anger at his family for being so close-minded. For hurting her.

“Harry, Camile has also been calling. She’s wondering what show would you like to see her at so we can send her y’know… the tickets.” Harry just scoffs at hearing his ex’s name. Of course, he started talking to her again early this year but after realizing he was in the wrong, he wanted nothing to do with her. 

“Ignore her. I can’t talk to her.”

“Alright.” Andy types on her phone writing down something on her notes. Harry just takes a big sigh and looks out the window. Tour could’ve been fun this year. He could’ve brought Y/N to France, to Italy, to Brazil! But I mean, he couldn’t even be with her in London after she left his stupid ass. Gosh, he hates it here. 

~

“When I wrote this song, I was in a dark place after a relationship of mine ended.” Harry darkly looks around the arena as he fixes the wire of his mic behind him. “I’m a very private guy but let me share one more thing with you all. I fucked up. This song is not even what I’m talking about but it does make me a bit sadder because I did become that guy I didn’t want to be.” His eyes couldn’t help but tear up as he watches his fans look at him in sadness. Fuck, he’s been drinking all the time and all he feels is guilt because these past shows, he was pretending to be happy. Yet he knew he wasn’t even close to that feeling and so did everyone around him.

As the familiar keys began to play, Harry couldn’t help but not look at any of his fans. He had to close his eyes and feel his pain.

I’m falling again, I’m falling again. I’m falling.

~

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

~

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

~

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

Harry rolls his eyes and tosses his phone on the couch. Tonight is his last show in North America. After this, he’s going to be heading south although, it already feels like he’s been heading in that direction for a long time.

“Come in,” Harry yells out coldly as he looks at himself dressed and ready to go to perform tonight.

“It’s just me, Jeff.” His manger lets himself in as he looks at the boy. “The Forum. Remember performing here the first time you released the album.” Harry just nods as he plays with the loose thread of his journal.

“She’s here tonight.” Harry chokes on his breath as his heart beats faster.

“Y/N?” He looks up immediately as he watches Jeff very carefully. “She’s here tonight?” He asks again for confirmation. Maybe, he heard him wrong?

“While we were in London and you were ignoring your family, I decided to give her a call.” Harry just scoffs as he glances at the TV of his fans singing to one of his old songs. 

“You called her? She probably thinks I’m pathetic.”

“You are pathetic! Do you think I don’t know you call her all the time?”

“Her phone number isn’t even in service.”

“Exactly. Pathetic.”

“Where is she sitting tonight?” Harry decides to change the subject as he glances at his phone on the couch. 

“Premium... more on the left side. Look, dude, I gave her an extra ticket to bring a friend but as I was checking in with Mark on visuals, I noticed her with a guy.”

“She brought a guy?” Harry couldn’t help but fist his hands. I mean he’s already had about 60 shows and it’s been 5 months but why did it surprise him, she’s here with another man? Funny to think she claimed she was falling in love with him. Maybe that guy was just a friend but he knew otherwise.

“I’m sorry H. I thought seeing her tonight would fix your relationship but it doesn’t seem like it.”

“I don’t care.” Harry loses his tie. “Maybe, it was a good idea I started talking to Camile again.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Oh but I do.” ~

The show was on full swing now as Harry’s fans were screaming and cheering for him. His hands leave his mouth as he blows kisses to everyone in the room. As he searched the crowd throughout every song, he noticed how some faces were familiar to him. They must’ve been here last night too. After watermelon sugar, Harry turns his back from the crowd to take a drink as Mitch plays his solo for the tour. 

He didn’t want his fans to see his frustration but he was losing his mind. 

“Where are you going?” Sarah loudly whispers as she watches Harry walk off the stage.

“I’ll be back” He cuts her off and takes his water bottle with him as he quickly walks off the stage, waving to his fans.

“Harry, what’s up?” Jeff exclaims as he rushes to his side. “Do you need anything?”

“Where is she? I can’t find her.”

“Do you expect yourself to catch eyes with her tonight? You know full well that’s not even possible.” Harry rolls his eyes as he watches some of the workers moving around.

“Get someone to lead her backstage after the show.” He instructs Jeff coldly. He needed to make sure that Jeff followed through with this.

“Mr. Styles, we’re going to need you back on stage.” An unknown girl with a headset interrupts their conversation. Harry just nods as he turns away from Jeff.

“I need to talk to her... please.”

*** 

“You alright babe?” Robbie wraps his arm around Y/N as she smiles back without a response. It was weird being in the presence of another man during Harry’s concert. She always expected to be by herself watching him. To be with him before and after the show but tonight... she’s just another fan. 

Y/N met Robbie on her flight back to LA after a dreadful trip to London. It was depressing. Walking in the streets alone. Taking awkward selfies at the big ben. What she hated the most was the sad frown she kept on her face or how her heart grew with anxiety when she asked a stranger to take a picture of her at the tower bridge.

“Sorry everyone, I had to take a wee.” Harry runs back on stage as he gives off a smile to everyone. For some reason, Y/N  had a feeling he was lying. Usually, he would run back on stage but it seems like he wasn’t even in a hurry. The wrinkles on his forehead as he stared at the floor made her think there may be more on his mind than what he’s showing.

“So usually in this part of the setlist, I would be singing Cherry but tonight, I wanted it to be a bit more special. I’ll be singing Don’t Let Me Go. A song I wrote back late 2012’s. Luckily, Mitch and Charlotte already know how to play it.” (A/N This makes me sad ugh)

Don't let me

Don't let me

Don't let me go

Cause I'm tired of feeling alone

“Can’t believe you know this guy, babe! He’s amazing!” Robbie crosses his arms as he takes a sip of his beer.  Y/N holds onto the rail, trying to not breakdown. “Hey, Are you crying?” Her boyfriend reaches out to her as she watches Harry looking at them. She doesn’t think he can see them but the way he kept glancing at the area she was in, he knows she’s here. 

“Yeah, it’s just a really sad song.”

“Ms. L/N?” A woman with a headset approaches the couple. 

“Yes.” 

“Hi, I’m Amanda, Mr. Styles would like you backstage after the show.” Robbie flashes a big smile as he looks around them hoping no one is noticing their interactions with the lady. 

“We’ll be there.” Robbie cuts in as he wraps his arm around his girlfriend. Y/N tenses up as she awkwardly smiles back at him.

“Actually, his instructions were very clear and he only wants Ms. L/N.” Her eyes widened as Robbie pulls away from her. 

“Thank you.” She smiles and glances back at Harry.

“I’ll have someone get you during our last song.” and with that, Amanda walks away while Robbie coldly glares at Harry who’s taking a sip of water as the song comes to an end.

“Is there something going on between you guys?”

“No.”

“Why does he only want to see you? You never even told me how you two met!”

“Okay, Robbie. Calm down. I’ll explain later. He and I are just friends.”

~

Y/N follows the boy down the hallway as she hears Harry’s fans chant out his name. It’s been months since she had seen him and if she was being honest, Y/N never thought she would again. But Jeff sounded so sad and concerned about him that she wanted to see him. Despite breaking all her ties with him, She still thinks about him every day.

Y/N looks at the TV screen and notices the lights were now on and Harry and the rest of his band were off the stage. Robbie is probably sulking as he walks to his car right now. She thinks to herself.

The door harshly opens as Harry comes in all sweaty. “Hey.” Y/N waves at him as she quietly sits on his couch. He takes his jacket off and hugs her without another word. “You’re so sweaty.” She couldn’t help but laugh as she feels his familiar embrace. Maybe, laughing would ease off the awkward tension. 

“I missed you Y/N.”

“I missed you too H.”

“I never thought I would see you again.” He sits on the couch beside her and runs his hand through his hair.

“I’ve always been excited to see one of your shows live.” She couldn’t help but brush her hair out of her face. Here is the man she was falling in love with. The man she chose to forget. 

“How did Jeff get in contact with you? I tried calling your number a few times and it wasn’t in service.” Harry bit his lip at his question. He knew full well he called her number at least three times a day.

“I keep in touch with Glenne.” She watches Harry scoff. “What?”

“You can keep in touch with her but you can barely talk to me?”

“Our trip to London was a sign that we shouldn’t be together, Harry.” Y/N couldn’t help but get flashbacks from her traumatic trip. She was so excited to meet his family, only to find out they already hated her before she stepped foot inside their house.

“That trip was not how it was supposed to go. I had plans to make you so happy.”

“That’s funny since the only plan that came through was me finding out you started talking to Camile again.”

“Did you mean what you said to my mum?” He ignores her last comment as he watches her carefully. She shrugs her shoulders in confusion then it suddenly hits her… he’s talking about London. “I heard it all.”

“Oh.” She looks away from Harry and stares at the pattern of the rug in his change room. “Yeah, I meant every single word.” Y/N plays with her cuticles trying to keep herself from remembering that sad trip. 

“I’m sorry about what happened. Camille was a big part of my life and I wanted to start seeing her again. Not like romantically but the way I still talk with Kendall.”

“It’s okay. I think it needed to happen.” Harry’s eyes flash in confusion. Last time, he spoke to her, they were so sure that this relationship would work out. Now, she’s managed to change her whole idea about them and that hurt a lot. Especially since she’s all he thinks about.

“Why would you say that?” He stands up in anger.

“Harry. Your mom and sister hated me! You clearly have or had feelings for Camille and you were going on tour We wouldn’t have worked out!”

“Are you blaming me?” He crosses his arms. He was offended. 

“No.” Y/N rubs her face in frustration. “It was nice what we had, Harry. Believe me but now we can’t be together.”

“What? Why? Because you have that stupid prick as your boyfriend?”

“Yes.” Y/N stands up as well, preparing herself to leave. He grabs his journal from his vanity and opens it. He flips the pages as Y/N watches him in confusion. 

He rips random pages out and crumples them. He takes her hands and forces her to take them. “I’ve been in love with you! Goddammit, just take me back!”

“Harry…”

“Look, I have more! I’ve been writing about you every day. I’ve been writing songs about you.” He looks at his journal one more time before closing it and throwing it on the floor. “I wrote this whole damn book about you!” 

Y/N begins to cry as she watches the strong man she has always known break down in front of her. “I can’t… Harry. Please.” He goes on his knees and takes her hands full of crumpled paper. 

“You never even gave us a chance baby. Fuck, I should’ve stopped you the moment you walked out that door. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Y/N couldn’t bare herself to look at him as she feels his hands on her.

“You should have gone with me to the store that day. I should’ve shown you around my town! Now I can barely talk to my family because they remind me of who I lost. What I lost!”

“Harry. I don’t want this anymore. I’ve always been scared of our relationship. I can’t handle this.” It’s true. She watched romantic movies her whole life and the more she admired those types of relationships, the more she didn’t want one herself. Y/N knows her life isn’t a movie but if Rachel McAdams cried her heart out during The Notebook while in character, she can’t imagine what else Harry can throw at her so she can experience that type of heartbreak. She needed a clean break from him. Robbie was her safe choice. 

“I love you, please.” He shakes his head in frustration. “I dream about you. I think of you. I need you!”

“I can’t!” She shakes her head as she tries to help him up. She takes the crumpled paper and runs to his vanity as he stands behind her, confused. She eagerly tries to flatten them out. She bends down to grab his journal and tries to place each page back in the book. 

“What are you doing?” He approaches her. “Those are for you!”

“No Harry! These are for you. I need you to keep these. I need you to remember us.”

“I need you to remember us.” He whispers and grabs her wrist to stop working. “You forgot about me.”

“I had to. I needed to.” She looks at the mirror and watches his eyes in the mirror.

“I thought we were stronger than this.”

“It’s been five months. You should move on too, H.” She pulls away from Harry and continues to fix his journal. She remembers the nights he would write in the leather book. How calm he looked. How happy he was. 

“Just admit it then! You took the first problem that occurred and used that to leave me!”

“Fine! I did! I admit it!”

“You’re just as bad as me then!”

“You were in love with Camille!!”

“Then why do I feel like dying every day ever since you left me!”

The silence makes Y/N’s heart beat faster as Harry finally lets out his last thoughts. He takes hold of her hips and pulls her in close to him. He glances once at her lips then stare at her eyes. 

Y/N didn’t know what to do. Her mind was screaming at her to pull away from him and leave but her heart wanted something more. Ironic enough, that familiar thump in her heart has always been present. The guilt she felt when she first started dating Robbie. The ache she felt when she watched Harry’s interviews late at night. Now, it was asking for something different. Something more. She holds onto the back of his neck as she kisses him. Harry pushes her back onto his vanity, helping her sit on it. 

Lips so familiar. Taste so heavenly. A scent so intoxicating. He needed more. She missed him. 

“I’m sorry fuck I’m sorry.” Y/N pulls away and pushes his chest a bit lightly. 

“Tell me you don’t love me anymore. I’ll let you go.” He lets out. He was hoping that it wasn’t true. This would be the only way to trap her into admitting that she wants to be with him again. He’s selfish. It’s true.

“You know that wouldn’t be true.” Harry’s heart skips a beat.

“So, stay with me. I need you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“I love you but I can’t.” She moves off a bit and hops off his vanity. She takes a deep breath and looks at him. “I think you’ll find someone for you.”

“Do you love Robbie?” He ignores her last statement. Truth be told, Y/N doesn’t. She began dating him two months ago and all she thinks about is Harry. 

“Yeah.”

“You’re lying.”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m lying! Harry, please don’t let me go through this again.”

“I’m sorry. I just hate seeing you walk away from me.” She gives him a soft smile as she takes her phone from her pocket.

“I have to go. Robbie just texted me. He’s angry.”

“Will I ever see you again.”

“Probably not.” 

“So what? You’re going to keep avoiding me from now on?”

“I think I might have to. Take care H. Take care of yourself, please.”And with that, Harry watches Y/N walk out of his life for the final time. 

He takes his journal and walks to the couch. He lazily slouches as he takes a random paper out. It’s about her, of course, it is. He places the sheet on the top of his heart and closes his eyes. “This sucks.” 

Maybe, this was the closure Harry needed but for some reason, his heart was hurting more.

part trois

[what-if-superstition]

Arranged Child Marriage (Jewish Shtetl-inspired)

Again, please see the title as a content warning. 

So, this is probably not going to be quite accurate because I'm writing it from memory from a class I took more than a decade ago, but here's the gist of it: there used to be a thing in the Jewish towns in eastern Europe in the 19th century, where a promising scripture scholar boy was married by arrangement to a rich man’s daughter. The rich man got to boast that he was sponsoring a genius and supporting the study of the Torah, and the boy got to continue his studies and not worry about being conscripted to the Tsar’s army for 25 years, because he was now exempt as a married man. Except he’s not a man, he’s a child of 13 who is now alone in a different home in a different town, far from everyone he knows. The girl got... nothing, really. Sure, maybe she’s proud of her husband too, but she’s also just a kid. Or maybe she’s actually already an adult, and now she’s stuck being married to a child. 

So in our story, the Chantals are rich people who want to support hockey rather than the study of Torah. In this universe, time, and place, whatever they may be, there is that same kind of threat of being conscripted to the army for decades, so rather than just billeting hockey players, it’s customary to marry them to your child. And maybe in this alternate Canada-Ukraine mashup girls don’t play hockey, though progressive parents might let them shoot pucks in the back yard. And Luc is AFAB. I don’t know what Luc’s actual gender is, maybe none, but at this point everyone including herself see her as a girl, so we’ll go with that.

So, Luc loves hockey. She practices shots and stickhandling all the time, and she skates a lot, because that’s allowed, and sometimes she even sneaks out to the pond in boys’ clothes to skate with her stick and pucks, though only at night, lest she be recognized. And she’s good, really good. At the things she gets a chance to practice, that is. She has no one to practice passing with, or faceoffs, or takeaways, or you know, shooting against an actual goalie.

And then Jacks shows up, and Luc is so jealous. Because not only does Jacks get to play hockey while Luc can’t, the whole marriage is all about him being able to play hockey. This whole change in her life and her status just so he can play, but she’s not allowed. But she also can’t fully resent him, because his hockey is so, so beautiful. She wants to beg him to practice with her, but she knows she shouldn’t. Her parents didn’t say it, because they don’t personally agree with it, but she knows from exposure to the rest of the town that it’s better not to show how interested she is in hockey just yet, be more of a proper bride. Not that the marriage is any more than a formality just yet, no one expects that when they’re both so young, but it’s best to keep up appearances.

(At this point I have to stop and say that in this version Jacks also gets to bring his mom with him because I refuse to do the whole “all alone in a new household with no one in your corner” side of child marriage. His parents just got divorced, Charlotte is a midwife and Luc’s town happened to need a new one, so the Chantals take her in, supposedly for for the good of the town, but also just for Jacks. Just because he’s a hockey genius who they want to sponsor and protect doesn’t mean he’s not also a kid who needs his mom.)

So anyway, Jacks eventually finds out about Luc’s hockey, and he’s delighted. He thinks the idea that girls shouldn’t play hockey is arbitrary and stupid. So now when Luc sneaks out to the pond at night, Jacks comes with and they can actually practice for real, and they love it. But the better Jacks does with the local team, the sadder they both get that they can’t play together. Eventually Jacks convinces Luc to talk to the parents, because even though they’re also limited by what’s considered proper, they themselves are progressive. They call a family meeting and the Chantals agree to let Luc play hockey. They really can’t just enroll their daughter in hockey, but when they see how serious Luc is, and how good, they feel ashamed that were willing to help a strange boy play hockey (not that they don’t love him like their own by that point), but not their own child. 

So the five of them leave town. I would say they move somewhere far away, change their names, and introduce Luc as a boy. And maybe Luc is happy about that, or doesn’t care, or doesn’t like it but sees it as necessary because girls just don’t play hockey. Or maybe they just move to the city, where girls do play hockey, because that was an option all along and they’re finally ready to take it. Saves them the embarrassment of having to disclose the ruse when the army comes calling, whoops. 

---

So, usually I don't like making Luc a girl because I don't like making Jacks not gay, but in this case I don't know if it's even relevant. Is gay even a thing in this time and place, or is it just actions that may or may not be frowned upon, but not an identity? And does it even matter? Maybe marriage is just completely separate from any preference, because arranged marriages are the norm.

That's also why I'm all 🤷‍♀️ about whether Luc is trans or not, because if living as a boy is necessary, social transition will happen either way and Luc might never take the time to think about personal gender identity. Although I suppose there might be something with Jacks finding Luc handsome and Luc saying "you know I'm not really a boy, right?" and Jacks saying "aren't you, though?"

[period-dramallama]

Spanish Princess episode 6: my tired chronological thoughts

Say it with me now: “previously, on the Spanish Princess!”

-Is it just me or is tsp!koa sympathetic in this episode? 

-charlotte was actually acting really well in the first scenes. I really felt for her. Probably because she wasn’t spouting any stupid dialogue. 

-SO WE’RE JUST GOING TO FORGET ABOUT BABY STEALING HUH

-i wish i could forget

-”Cardinal Wolsey has been speaking with your daughter” if More and Maggie are now Mary’s adopted co-parents, can Wolsey please be the cool uncle?

-Please can we have wolsey speaking to mary in the fawning tone he uses with Henry and Mary’s just like...unimpressed.

-I will say this for tsp!koa, she does give good Hugs

-Yet again, Thomas More is babysitting the girls. While it’s good that Mary has adopted parents, it’s only sadder given her biological dad will execute both of them.

-it is actually historically accurate to have maggie p looking after Mary, she was Mary’s governess IRL, IIRC.

-also you wouldn’t leave the princess with just one person. She’d surely be supervised by at least 2 people, in case like one person had a heart attack or smth.

-PLEASE go back to calling her Lady Pole. AND GIVE THOMAS MORE TO DO

-”it will all come to nothing” sounds like something that WON’T come to nothing

-and now Henry and Wolsey have had a lover’s quarrel, they are such boyfriends they even quarrel like boyfriends.

-’summit’ sounds too modern

-Are Angus beefburgers named thus because of hard Meg roasted him this episode?

-”I wasn’t expecting to see you” yeah bc wasn’t the Field just F and H? 

-The cinematography was great last episode, and now we have weird close ups on the riot ringleader’s face. Why. I can practically see his saliva. Yum.

-Someone else got to the “Wolsey whispers like David Attenborough” joke first.

-What is that weird af flooring? It looks like they stole it from the set of Rivendell in LOTR.

-No dancing? No revels? No tongue in cheek allusions to Glastonbury or Woodstock? This Field feels more like parent’s evening at school.

-I’m now certain Flodden swallowed the budget whole and it was not worth it.

-”we are being threatened” “they drew a gallows in pig’s blood” This is so frustrating. You didn’t need Lina to spell it out for the audience. It would have been so much more suspenseful if you just saw the drawing, and then Lina’s terrified face, and we cut to the next scene. But you think the audience is so dumb we won’t realise a gallows drawn in blood is a threat? GTFO. And stop making Lina state the obvious!

-How good is Rosa’s hubby at his navigator job if they’re wearing brocade at a royal summit?

-To be fair to the show, “she’s only six years old,” is said by Rosa, not Catherine, and Rosa has been living outside England, so easy mistake.

-I like the compass gift, that was cute.

-Maggie watching the shadow play reminds me of the shadow puppets her mother and aunt played with in twq :’)

-THE WINE FOUNTAIN YES I CAN SEE THE WINE FOUNTAIN i was worried we wouldn’t see it

-I misheard Rosa and thought she called Buckingham Aardvark instead of Edward. I will now call him Aardvark. Yes I am very mature.

-I get that Wolsey is meant to be the Bad Guy, but he was literally just standing there with his wine, doing nothing. Stop shouting at him, Aardvark, YOU walked into HIM.

-”raise the price of ale” do you have any idea how much ale people were drinking in this period, Henry? That’s like the government putting up the price of water. You raise the price of ale and you’ll make the unrest worse. 

-People have been discussing Bessie’s behaviour, I think the issue is classism rather than xenophobia, cause she's worried for Lina and Oviedo and their kids but they’re servants of the crown, like she is, so they’re not ‘riff raff’, and she’s also dismissive of the rioters and wants “order restored” she said “heads on spikes” but I assume the heads are the rioters’ heads. Idk, either way the dialogue is clunky and stupid and this whole plotline is badly handled anyway and i do not care enough to rewatch that scene. 

-given how rude Francois was to Mary, IN PUBLIC, I kinda love the idea of her taking the mickey out of him. and look at that, Reggie Pole’s silence finally has a plot purpose! Given that Reggie was Mary Tudor’s archbishop and right hand man, it’s kind of touching that they’re connected in this way.

-Twenty minutes left of episode and the Field is over. Le disappointment. 

-”he’s gone!” Oviedo, I get that you’re probably in shock but... are you honestly trying to do CPR on a man who’s been skewered with a sword. I love you, Oviedo, but you were holding the show’s single braincell and now you’ve dropped it. I’ll give you a pass if you genuinely panicked.

-wtf henry pole your mother will hear about this

-The climax was very emotional...but ruined by the fact it’s total nonsense. Everyone in this show continues to be a total idiot. FINALLY we can be finished with the “not loving Mary” BS that should have lasted no more than 1 ep, if you had to do it at all.

-To be fair to the show, Mary comes across to me at least as traumatised, not as a gleeful baby tyrant. She’s not happy about men getting executed

-”My father cuts their heads off” it would have been such black comedy if koa was like “No darling, he won’t cut their heads off. Beheading’s for rich people”.

-please tell me you’re not hanging them by trapdoor method. The trapdoor method was invented in the nineteenth century.

-”grant them mercy” dude you said “they can die without me watching” so they’re probably all dead by now. 

-”first time he’s agreed” I will give the show a tiny tiny benefit of doubt and say maybe they mean this particular pope?? Actually scrap that they probably mean all popes.

-This should have been Thomas More’s time to shine, IRL he was involved in the govt response to Evil May Day, (I think he even addressed the mob to get them to surrender to the king) which I assume this riot is based off of. But because he was also at the Field, and the showrunners forced these two events to happen simultaneously, the showrunners decided to keep him at the Field...doing nothing. 0/10. 

-some lovely choral singing this episode. 

[therealjammy]

Children’s Stories

AN: This odd little thing came to me while I was trying to think of all the words that rhymed with “dead,” and then I decided to write something based on that. This is the result. Thank you for reading xx

-----

It was a cold, rainy October evening—on a Thursday—and it had been a while since the children had declared story time. The au pair found herself thinking this after Flora and Miles had slinked upstairs after their dinner, when the kitchen turned quieter with the adult company. The last story was about a lost kitten and a puppet, interrupted by a phone call. That had been… weeks ago, Dani thought, looking round at the populated table and the dessert of apple charlotte a la mode still being worked on, amazed that Owen was looking as cheerful as he was. There were moments, of course, when the grief seemed to hit him again, but like a tidal wave, eventually calmed and was soothed to shore. Then again, thought Dani, reaching around the gardener for the bottle of vintage port, that was what loss was like. A stormy sea. The waves large mountains, accompanied by dark skies and heavy rain, not a lighthouse to be seen, unless one kept sailing.

           There was no moon. The thick clouds obscured it. There were only the lights in the house and the ones outside it. Rain pattered the windows and the roofs, like little wet mice feet, sliding down the glass like tears. Every now and again, a soft rumble of thunder rolled from one part of the sky to the other. The lightning, thankfully, was not at all close.

           As if reading the au pair’s mind, there came a call from the top of the manor’s stairs that interrupted the remainder of dessert.

           “Attention valued patrons!” It was Flora. “Story time is about to begin!”

           The gardener groaned.

           Dani refilled her glass without being asked, knowing the gardener’s petulance for story time after the first mumbled “Let’s get this over with.”

           “You’re a star, Poppins,” she said to Dani.

           The au pair took her own glass of port with her, sitting between Owen and the gardener, leaning closer to the latter. She asked, quietly, “What do you think this one’s about?”

           “Well,” said the gardener, pointing with her wineglass, “they’re dressed in black. I can only guess.”

           The children had their backs turned to the audience, but the outfits were clear. Flora was in a black dress and stockings. Miles wore a suit. Their hair had been done neatly. It was only when they turned around that the audience saw their faces were painted with pale foundation and someone had shaded underneath their eyes to make them appear sunken.

           “Before we begin,” said Miles, projecting for all to hear, “we would like to say a word of thanks—”

           “—to our very own coroner,” said Flora, gesturing to the top of the stairs, where Hannah emerged, taking the steps slowly, smiling down at the three adults gathered in the foyer. When she reached the landing the children were perched on, she bowed deeply.

           “Thank you very much,” she said. “The pleasure is all mine, darlings.”

           The gardener’s sigh filled Dani’s ear. “Gonna be a long one.”

           “I should’ve brought you the bottle,” Dani said.

           “Too late to fetch it now.”

           Dani lowered her voice to a whisper. “There’s always after.”

           The smile she shared with the gardener was one no one else could read.

           The stage to themselves, Flora and Miles struck their poses and began in unison: “The show has begun. We have an announcement to make to you.

           “We are dead.”

           “Shot in the head,” said Flora.

           “Died in bed,” said Miles.

           “Filled with dread.”

           “Couldn’t avoid the little red thread.”

           “We walk among you with arms spread.”

           “Forever doomed to think of business unshed,” said Miles.

           “And of life we cannot re-tread,” Flora said.

           In unison, “And still we cannot escape that little red thread.”

           They moved down the steps, Miles pausing in the middle while Flora continued until she was near the bottom. She went on, “I know you will have questions. Some we cannot answer. But this I know. The dead walk among you. Watch over you. You cannot see them, but they’re there. I can,” she raised her hand, pinkie out, “promise you.”

           Miles moved down to join her.

           They clasped their hands between them.

           Flora said, “And I can promise you—”

           “—really promise you—” said Miles.

           And in unison once again, “—dead does not mean gone.”

           They bowed to applause.

           “They’re brilliant at rhymes, these two,” Hannah said.

           “Was it you who did the makeup?” asked Owen.

           “They insisted.”

           “You did a wonderful job,” Dani told her. “I’ll get them to bed.”

           And so, while the rest of the audience was left to contemplate the rather dark tale, the au pair shuffled the children back upstairs to their bedrooms and helped wash the carefully applied makeup from their faces, singing praises all the while. She tucked them into their beds, said goodnight, and returned to the kitchen, where the dessert dishes were being piled into a soapy sink and the gardener was scraping the last of the apple charlotte from its pan.

           “Eating your feelings?” Dani joked to her.

           “That was even sadder than the last one,” the gardener said around a full mouth. “Can you blame me?”

           “There are different ways to process grief, dear,” Hannah reminded her. “But I am feeling rather cathartic after that, I must admit.”

           “I feel soothed, somehow,” Owen said. “Like after Flora told me I wasn’t dying.” He shook his head. “We have an old soul among us.”

           The night wore on, and as the hours grew later, the au pair found she was haunted by the words. They were as loud as bells when Owen and Hannah turned in for the night, when it was only her and the gardener sitting at the kitchen table in the low light.

           “It was a strange story, don’t you think?” she asked the gardener, who was, by now, rather tipsy from the port.

           “Death leaves impressions,” the gardener said.

           Dani nodded. “It does,” she said softly. “I suppose it doesn’t hurt to be reminded of that.”

           “Doesn’t it?”

           The look on the gardener’s face was melancholy. Such a different look, thought Dani, from her usual confidence and cocky swagger. She took the gardener’s hand, weaving their fingers together. “It does,” she agreed, “but things other than death will hurt us. We might as well do it anyway.”

           The gardener’s scoff wasn’t unkind. “And here I was thinkin’ I was the optimist of the two of us.”

           Thunder rolled in the silence. The rain had gotten heavier. Instead of mice feet it sounded like drums. The thought of the gardener strolling to her car parked in the gravel drive filled Dani with an emotion she couldn’t name. So she said, “Stay tonight. The weather’s godawful.”

           A smile touched the gardener’s lips. “Is this a ploy, Poppins?”

           “Is it working?”

           “More than you know.”

           The gardener’s lips tasted like apples and port.

           They retreated upstairs to the silence of Dani’s bedroom, eager to put the sad story out of mind, yet they found, in the midst of making their own storm, that they may have found their lighthouse. That there may, perhaps, be a little red thread tied between them. But here, in the sweet darkness and cloying warmth, there was no knowledge of just how far that string would pull.

[universe-n-3276]

Carrying the Moon

Chapter 14

Sander was pretty nervous, although he shouldn't have been. He had made that decision a very long time ago, and he was just waiting for the right moment to put it into action. That wasn't the kind of emotion he expected to feel that morning. Happiness, excitement, those were the things he had expected.

On the way to the cafeteria, where he had asked Lucas to meet, he told himself that what he was feeling was not about the thing itself, but about having to tell someone for the first time.

At times like that, he found himself hating the situation with Charlotte a little bit more. He w anted to tell her first because he wouldn't felt so nervous. But sadly the relationship between him and his sister was non-existent at the time, so the next one on the list had been his best friend.

Sander walked into the cafeteria and ordered a decaf for himself, a chocolate with a lot of whipped cream on top for Lucas, and sat down to wait for him. Luckily, he didn't have to wait long because, even though his best friend had a billion flaws, he was rarely late.

"Thanks for meeting me here."

"Wow, so formal."

He said, grabbing his chocolate as Gollum would have done with the ring. Maybe he should have ordered a piece of pie as well, just to make sure to put him in a good mood, thanks to the sugar overload.

"Sorry, I'm just nervous."

"Yeah, I can see that. What's up?"

"I don't even know w here to start."

Lucas gave up on his attempts to remove the lid from his cup, and took Sander's hand on the coffee table, squeezing it in his own. He looked up to meet his gaze.

There was something in Lucas's eyes that could scare you. It was like looking straight into the raging sea, and it was exactly what Sander expected his best friend’s soul to look like. Untamable, but somehow it had the power to calm people down. To steal their thoughts and make them their own.

"Sander, I might act like an idiot all the time, but you know you can talk to me."

"It's just. I don't feel like Robbe's my boyfriend anymore. It's weird when I introduce him to someone and I call him like that."

The boy who had finally managed to open the lid, bury a finger into the whipped cream, and then put it into his mouth, remained still for a moment, at other’s words, trying to understand if what he had just heard was correct.

"What the fuck? Do you wanna break up with him?"

"What? No! The opposite!"

"The op- oh my goodness!"

"Yeah! We’re raising a child together, but it’s not just about Hero. It seems right, you know? He’s the one, and I knew it since the beginning of our relationship, but now, if I’m not home, I can’t wait to see him again, tell him about my day, and hear about his. I feel completely myself around him. His presence is so soothing for me. I just wanna be like this for the rest of my life. I'm ready and I hope he's too."

Lucas had given up on his chocolate, which Sander considered a n honor , and was listening to his best friend with a dreamy expression on his face.

"I think I wanna marry Jens."

"Oh my god! Don't try to steal my moment! Do you think this is the right time, though? Everything is still a mess. We’re about to graduate, and I don’t even know what I’m gonna do after that. I don't have a job, and the situation with Hero and Charlotte is still complicated."

"But you're sure of Robbe, right?"

"He's the only thing I'm sure of in my life right now."

" So do it. Ask him."

Sander nodded, suddenly much more confident than when he woke up the same morning and less nervous than when he walked into the cafeteria. Sometimes he forgot how well Lucas knew him. He smiled because he was no longer able to contain his happiness and stole some of the whipped cream from Lucas's cup.

"I'm so excited."

"Me too! Are we gonna buy him a ring?"

"I'm gonna buy him a ring."

"Yes, but I'm helping you, so..."

"I bet Hero would sound just like you."

"I take it as a compliment."

"Shut up and let's go. I already saw something I like."

"But I didn't finish my chocolate!"

"Okay, we can stay a little longer, then. I'm getting some cake for both of us, I want to celebrate!"

And with a lighter soul, Sander got up from his chair , ready for his sugar’s overdose, and to face one of the days he would remember for the rest of his life.

When Charlotte's face appeared on the screen, Lucas couldn't help but smile. She was sticking her fork into a bowl of salad, probably trying to avoid what she didn't like.

Her dark blonde hair covered her face for a moment, but she quickly tucked it behind her ear, suddenly looking up at the screen. The girl smiled, waving the hand in which she was holding the fork.

"Hi, Luc!"

"Hi, baby!"

"What's up?"

"I had my last exam today!"

She clapped her hands, showing a warm smile that was the Driesen family’s signature. They were able to make you feel loved and appreciated by just smiling at you, even from miles away and through a screen. Lucas missed Charlotte so deeply, that sometimes he just wanted to hug his laptop to try to feel some of her warmth.

"Oh my goodness, congrats! When are you gonna graduate?"

"In two weeks."

"I wish I could come. Really. I miss you so much."

"Ow. Don't be sad, baby Lot. How are you?"

She shrugged, looking down at her salad, putting the fork back in it. Her mood had changed so quickly and so easily, a s if she was just waiting for the right moment to bring the matter up.

"I don't know. I'm happy here, but- I miss my brother."

There it was, Charlotte's weak spot. It had always been him, even though she hadn't even wanted to hear anything about him for nearly a year. Their bond was impossible to break. Not because they were twins, but simply because they were Sander and Charlotte. They had been attached at the hip for 23 years.

"Talk to him."

"I don't know. It's weird. "

"Why?"

She fell silent for a moment. Lucas knew what Charlotte was about to say, and he was afraid of opening that Pandora Box. He didn't want to plant that seed in the girl's head, because if things went wrong, it would be his fault.

"Because of the baby. I don't wanna be a mother. I know I don't want to! But what if I see him, something change, and then I regret everything?"

"Charlotte, I think it's too late to regret something. The baby already has two loving parents."

"That’s why I don’t wanna talk to him or come back. I don't wanna put myself or him in that situation, I don't wanna make a mess."

"I get it."

They both sighed, looking at each other through the screen. Lucas wanted to tell her that no, she couldn't come back thinking of taking Hero from his parents, because he no longer belonged to her and maybe he never did. It wasn’t in the Universe’s plans for Charlotte to become a mother. Hero had always been predestined to be Sander and Robbe’s baby.

But Lucas said nothing. He remained silent waiting for the girl to speak again.

"Does he like being a dad?"

"Yeah, he loves it. I've never seen him happier."

"I wish I could see it."

"And also Robbe! He's so in love with Hero!"

It was the first time they talked so openly about that topic. Charlotte had never asked anything, but at that moment she seemed a little bit more convinced of the choice she had made, simply because, in that way, she had made happy, two of the people she cared most in the world.

"Hero... it's such a cute name. Wait! Are Robbe and Sander back together?"

"Yes! They are! And your brother wanna ask him to marry him. He already bought a ring."

"What? Lucas! Why didn’t you tell me sooner? "

"I thought you didn’t wanna know."

"I didn’t, but I guess I was wrong. Gosh! I'm studying to become a therapist and I don't even know

how I feel! I'm the worst!"

Charlotte ran her fingers through her hair, rolling her eyes in frustration. She put her salad aside and crossed her legs on the chair because she couldn't sit in the same position for more than five seconds.

"You're not, shut up! You're a natural! Remember how many times you helped me to figure out how I was feeling?"

"Yeah, but it's different with you. I know you like the back of my hands."

"You know me better than Jens."

"How's Jens?"

"He's good, but I still don't know how he manages to put up with me. I'm such a pain in the ass lately."

"Lately?"

She asked, raising her eyebrow, looking at Lucas with a half-smile on her lips. Fuck, he missed her. The way she spoke her mind without judging. Charlotte was able to make everyone feel understood and safe because she was always ready to help.

"I'm being serious! I'm scared he's gonna get tired of my stupid attitude. He makes me wanna be a better person, but I often end up acting like a jerk."

"Luc, first of all, Jens is madly in love with you, so don't worry. But if you really wanna be a better person, I’ll tell you what to do: breathe. Your biggest flaw is that you're impulsive! You act out of your emotions. Sometimes when you want to scream at his face, you just need to take a deep breath to ground yourself."

"You're right."

" And, Luc. Just chill."

They both burst out laughing, but Lucas vowed to try to follow Charlotte's advice. She had never been wrong before.

"They are teaching you well, down there in Sydney, huh?"

"They’re not that bad, but Luc, I've to go now, it’ s getting late."

"Okay, bye baby, love you."

"Love you too."

The moment they end ed up their video-call, Jens opened the front door. Lucas closed his laptop and got up quickly to greet him, determined to follow the advice that Charlotte had just given him. He wanted to be the person he was, before his stressful life turned him into a bundle of nerves, always ready to shoot at the wrong moments, to those who didn't deserve it at all.

"Hey."

"Come here."

Lucas opened his arms and squeezed Jens, pressing his lips against his. The boy was surprised by that sudden gesture and didn’t react right away , as he was no longer used to his boyfriend’s display of affection. That reaction was immediately noticed by Lucas, but he didn’t say anything, although he felt a little sadder than before.

"I missed you so much."

"Why are you being so sweet? You're creeping me out."

"What? I'm always sweet to you."

Jens kicked off his shoes near the door and headed to their bedroom, followed by Lucas.

"You used to. Now you're only sweet when you're super drunk or tired and when we fuck."

" When we fuck . And I'm the one who's never sweet."

"When we make love. Sounds better?"

"Yeah, yeah. It does actually."

"You're being weird."

Lucas sat on the bed, watching his boyfriend's every move, as he was taking off his clothes, probably to take a shower. He wasn't immune to the summer heat either. His skin was sheered by a thin layer of sweat, and his hair was a mess, but he still looked like a daydream.

"Jens."

"What?"

He didn’t know whether to bring that matter up or not, but he felt he had to, even if he was afraid. Lucas hoped he could make things right, even if Jens didn't seem in his usual relaxed mood.

"I'm sorry if I had been a shitty boyfriend lately."

"Are you sick? I'm calling the doctor."

"C'mon! I'm being serious."

"Okay. Sorry. Let's talk."

Jens sat next to him on the bed, but he didn't try to touch him in any way, and Lucas noticed that too, of course. He knew his boyfriend’s manner, and that evening, it was as if he weren’t himself, or perhaps he had been like that for a long time, but Lucas’s stupid self-centered behavior had prevented him from noticing it. He began to fear, that the evening would turn out very differently than he had expected. His hands were shaking, and he hid them under his legs. He didn't want to be seen as weak, but he couldn't help but think, that, his Jens, not the one in front of him, would have noticed it anyway.

"We're not together only because we're used to be in a relationship, right?"

"It kind of feels like it sometimes."

"And why you didn’t tell anything?"

"Because you had a lot going on and I didn’t want to be a burden for you, so I just let things flow until they got to this point."

"What point, Jens?"

"Luc, I love you, but- I don't even know what it is, but it shouldn't be a  but  after that."

"No, it shouldn't be."

He closed his eyes because he wanted to cry, he couldn’t believe what was happening, but he deserved it. He had made him feel, as if the person he loved the most in the world, had been replaced by a clone that only looked like him.

Lucas hadn’t fallen in love with Jens for his appearance, but for his kindness, the attention he always had for him, his love, his sweetness. All those things were gone now, there was just that guy in front of him, who was a stranger.

"Jens, I had been a shitty boyfriend to you, and I wanted to fix things up. I wanted to kiss you and say that I’m sorry, but I know you, and I’m realizing just now, like the clueless idiot that I am, that it’s probably too late."

"You're not an idiot."

"But it's too late."

"I always wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, Luc, then you started to change and I tried to make things work for both of us, but now I'm tired, and I don't know if I wanna do this anymore."

"Okay."

The room fell silent, and it was so heavy that neither of them dared to carry on the conversation. There was only one way it could end. Lucas felt his heart pounding in his chest and he wanted to cry and scream all his pain to Jens, but he had promised Charlotte not to let his emotions take over. Thus, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, trying to calm down, and he was about to succeed when the other found the courage to speak again.

"I think we should break up."

Lucas stood up without adding a word, and left the bedroom, going to the front door. He quickly put on his shoes, took the keys of his bike’s lock, and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

It was movie night at the Driesen-Ijzermans house, and this time it was Sander's turn to choose what to watch, which always turned into torture.

Robbe sometimes thought, his boyfriend choose only long and boring film s on purpose, just to test his patience, and their relationship was well beyond the stage where one pretends to be interested in everything the other likes, just to impress him.

The only good thing about that evening was being able to snuggle up with Sander on the couch.

"This movie is so fucking boring."

"It's a classic!"

"It's a black and white movie in Russian with German subtitles, Sander."

"So?"

"I don't speak Russian or German and neither do you."

"It's not about what they say, baby."

"Sander, I swear to god, if you start again with the aesthetic thing!"

A notification appeared on Robbe's phone, and he silently thanked whoever was his savior.

"Oh my god!"

"What?"

"I think Lucas wanna ask Jens to marry him!"

"Excuse me?"

"Jens just told me he found a ring in one of Lucas' drawers."

"Wow!"

Sander paused the film, momentarily panicking. Jens had found the ring they had bought that morning for Robbe. The one Lucas should have kept safe until the right time came. Clearly, he had placed too much hope in his best friend’s abilities.

"So he didn’t tell you anything."

"No."

"Weird."

"Well. Maybe he knew, I would tell you straight away and you're Jens' best friend so...”

" Makes sense. I'm so happy for them, though! "

"Wait, he's calling. I have to get this."

He picked up the phone and got up from the couch, quickly leaving the room. He was furious with Lucas and hoped that the other had a valid explanation for what had just happened.

"Lucas, what the hell?"

"Hello? I'm one of the paramedics who helped Mr. Van der Heijden. Am I talking to one of his relatives?"

"I'm his best friend. What happened?"

"I can’t tell you the details, sir, but he had an accident, and we’re rushing him to the hospital. Can I have one of his family member's number?"

"I can give you his boyfriend's number."

"No, sorry, as I already tell you, it has to be a family member."

" Fuck, Jens is his family! They have been together for 7 years now!"

Sander raised his voice. He felt frustrated. That same situation could have happened to him and Robbe. Even though they were raising a child together, formally they weren't a family yet, and it broke his heart.

He felt his boyfriend's hands closing around his bicep. Robbe must have heard him raise his voice and got worried.

"Look, I'll call someone else."

"Okay, fine, I’ll give you his father’s number, but he doesn’t live here in Antwerp anymore."

"Thanks, and I’ll tell him to put you r and his boyfriend’s name on the visitor’s list, so you won’t have problems."

"Thanks."

He hung up the phone and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. His heart was in his throat. Anything could have happened. He looked Robbe in the eye with a completely lost look. He didn't even know where to start.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. They just told me Lucas had an accident, and they wanted his father's number."

"What? I just spoke to Jens and he didn’t tell me anything!"

"I think we should tell him, and go to the hospital."

"Yeah, I’ll call him. You call your mom and see if she can come here to stay with Hero."

He thanked the universe once again for having Robbe at his side. He knew how to stay calm in any situation and that was exactly what he needed. Before leaving, Robbe stroked his cheek, looking him in the eye s firmly.

"Sander, it's gonna be fine."

[previous] / [next]

[mihrunnisasultans]

Whenever Catherine had a scene with the women in TSP it always felt fake, and most of all superficial to me. It never felt genuine it always felt like whenever she was doing something "nice" for other women, she was only doing it to make herself feel good. It never felt like she was doing it for selfless reasons, and that's what pisses me off the most about TSP. They talk about female empowerment, but they can't even get that right b/c the main character is so selfish and inconsiderate.

I absolutely get you!

It truly is also acting’s fault. Like on paper she does some genuinely nice things for other ladies and has (until some point) really heartwarming sisterhood with Mary and Meg. However, there’s some coldness around everything? Like Charlotte had problems to balance CoA’s pride and queenly mask with a bit of warmth and more human emotions outside tragic scenes? Honestly, Charlotte is worst when playing badass!KoA scenes. I totally think her acting improved near the end of S2 with her character’s sadder and more tragic arc. I have only seen her in GOT outside TSP and she was okay there, and people say she’s also fine in her other roles.

And when her arc isn’t about being so “badass” and “cool” she actually does begin to do bad things to other ladies, like all her snaps at Lina or Maggie, not to even mention what she did to Meg. IMO that was a huge mistake, just like her treatment of Mary lasting for soooooooo long. A woman who cannot show a bit of warmth to her daughter for 6 years is... hard to be seen as some champion of female solidarity. And even then uses her  first to gain her husband’s favour and truly only is able to say “I love you” and show genuine care to Mary in last episode when it’s clear she has no chances of returning to Henry’s favour for the time being. 

For a flawed portrayal it would have been better to idk show CoA as aloof and maybe hard to bond earlier, but by the Great Matter she should have been absolutely  sympathetic - and here instead we have her “descending into darkness” because of desperation connected with Henry and effectively alienating everyone, including people who historically were on her side until the end like Mary or Maggie Pole. Henry being more supportive for Meg’s divorce later (again a historical lie), which makes Mary prefer him over Cath, and Meg treating CoA and Henry as “equally bad” does not do CoA favour when the Great Matter is about to start. Especially since it’s shown that while she’s in difficult mental condition, she nonetheless throws her female friends under the bus because what she cares most about is Henry’s favour.

CoA knew how to maintain friendships, she had many people stand by her until the end. Same with her being loved by people because here we saw almost nothing? Nothing of her doing charity, doing anything for ordinary people or how she was loved by English people. EF wasted so much screentime on stupid “badassery” shit and completely forgot aspects connected with education or charity that CoA championed. 

What was most highlighted was “fight like a man” and the warrior queen aspect. Yikes. And even all that sisterhood got lost in that& at times seemed a bit shoehorned because something else was mostly celebrated. CoA’s friendship with Lina thankfully endured, but LBR it was also because of Lina’s saintly patience.