#The moment with Ragnar was the close but he still sounded like a robot

[ravenalla]

Snarky Din how I miss you

[trade-baby-blues]

The White Elephant in the Room

Pairing: Bones x Reader

Word Count: 2237

Warnings: none, probably a swear in there somewhere

A/N: Based on the prompt “Character A’s best friend rigs the Secret Santa, because they know Character A has a crush on Character B” requested by @magicalaquarian. Hope you enjoy!!

After two years travelling through space with nothing but the stark white walls of the Enterprise to look at, the crew was getting restless. Shore leave was still months away, and, frankly you didn't know if you could take it. You didn't think Jim could either. He was in Medbay almost every other day with a new “injury,” though more than once you caught him faking to shirk his duties for the day. While you were happy for a distraction, Dr. McCoy looked ready to kill Jim at any moment.

As the doors to the Medbay slid open for the first time today, you jumped out of your chair, hoping with all your heart and soul that someone needed help with a traumatic injury, not stopping to wonder if that made you a bad person. At this point, you were so bored you were willing to inflict one upon yourself just for the hell of it. To your dismay, it was just Jim. You sat back down with a sigh, returning to the scribbles you were doodling on a patient's chart.

“Gee, you sure know how to make a guy feel welcome,” Jim quipped.

At the sound of a new voice, Dr. McCoy poked his head out of his office. His excitement turned to a scowl as he saw Jim. He glared at Jim with a pointed “No,” before shutting his door again.

“Oh, come on. I’m not even sick today.”

“That's the problem,” you mumbled.

“I’m sorry. Would it be better if I came back with broken legs?”

“Broken legs. Crashed the ship. Caused a minor outbreak of some foreign disease,” you shrugged. “I’m not picky.”

“So let me get this right. You're mad at me because I'm too good of a captain?”

You dropped your head onto the desk, groaning in frustration. “We’re mad because we have nothing to do.”

Jim sidled up to the side of the desk, mischievous glint in his eye. “You and Bones could give each other physicals.”

“We already did that,” you confessed, cheeks heating up.

“Well, then, I guess you'll just have to come to my quarters tonight.”

“For the last time Jim, I am not having sex with you.”

“I...It's not...Scotty said the same thing. Why does everyone think I want to have sex with them?” Jim looked genuinely hurt. “It's a party but you're not invited anymore.”

“What time does it start,” you called after him as he walked back to the Medbay doors.

“9 p.m. Oh,” Jim said, popping his head back inside, “and bring a present. It's a white elephant.”

You stared at the now empty doorway in confusion. The doors slid shut with almost no sound, allowing your voice to carry across the empty room. “What the fuck is a white elephant?”

Dr. McCoy sat back at his desk with a sigh, the paperwork in front of him dwindling thin. The past few weeks had been exceptionally quiet, and he’d managed to catch up on all the charts he’d let slip by. He even had time to read a few articles he’d bookmarked months ago on the future of robot-assisted surgeries. As much as he appreciated how far technology had come, Leonard was happy to stick with a human surgical assist for now. Especially, if that assistant was you. How you looked so damn good in OR scrubs Leonard would never understand.

His PADD chimed, bringing Leonard back to reality. Jim again. He rolled his eyes, pushing his sleeves up to his elbows and diving back into paperwork. Another chime. Leonard glared at the PADD, as if that would stop Jim from pestering him. Another chime. Annoyed, he grabbed the device.

Party at my room at 9!

That's an order ;)

Oh, and bring a present for your not so secret crush! We’re doing a gift exchange.

Leonard resisted the urge to snap the PADD in two as he responded: Stop by for a physical. Must be something wrong with that corn-fed head of yours if you think I want to spend my night with you.

Jim responded almost instantly: :(

Bones stared at the text practically able to feel the puppy dog eyes Jim was giving him through the screen. It had been a long time since he’d had the chance to unwind, and an evening with Jim might actually be tolerable if you were there. Painfully, he typed his reply: There better be Scotch.

No sooner had he sent the message than there was a knock on his door. “Damn it, Jim,” he sighed, shoving himself up from his desk, “What is it? I already said I’d go to your damn party.”

“Sorry,” you said, popping your head around the door. “Not Jim.”

Bones scoffed. “That’s nothing to be sorry for, sugar. I’d take your company over his any day.”

You bit your lip to hide a smile. “Jim’s actually the reason I’m bothering you. I wanted to ask if I could take off early to find a gift for his elephant thing.”

“Gee, don’t know if I’ll be able to handle all these patients on my own,” Bones said wryly.

“Well, you are the CMO. I believe in you,” you said with a wink. “See you at the party?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Bones waved you off, already heading back to his desk. You laughed. He really was adorable when he was grumpy.

“Oh, and Len,” you said, missing the way his ears always perked up when you called him that, “maybe break out the civvies this time. Med Blues make people nervous.”

You looked around your quarters in a desperate attempt to find inspiration. It’s not like you thought to pack gifts when you started the mission. There were a few books you’d already read through that could use a new home, but you doubted anyone would be interested in Mountains to Ash: A Field Guide to the Geology of Ragnar 9, although, the section on teracalcite formation was quite compelling...

“This is stupid,” you muttered, dropping yourself on the bed. You stared at the ceiling, begging it to give you an answer. You wondered what kind of gifts everyone else would bring. Jim probably wouldn’t bring anything, making a joke about how his presence was gift enough. Then he’d offer someone a few days off and everyone would scramble for it. Scotty would probably throw together a little sculpture out of scrap metal from Engineering. No one saw that side of him much, but Scotty was really artsy.

Then, there was Leonard. He was normally such a thoughtful gift giver when given enough time. Last shore leave, he found a galaxy opal pendant for you at a market. You still remembered how his hands felt brushing the back of your neck when he put it on you, how they lingered a few seconds too long. How warm his breath felt ghosting over the back of your neck. An inch closer and his chest would’ve been pressed against you and it would have been so easy to turn around and kiss him like you’ve wanted to do for so long.

“I need a drink,” you said to the empty room, running a hand down your face. Suddenly, you shot up, remembering the bottle of whiskey you had stashed in the back of your closet. Hopefully everyone else was feeling as stir-crazy as you and wouldn’t mind a bit was missing.

Having finally settled on a gift, you started getting ready, allowing yourself plenty of time to shower and get dressed but still managing to wind up at Jim’s door out of breath and late. You smoothed the front of your dress down and focused on leveling your breathing as the door slid open. Your eyes met Leonard’s and, just like that, you were out of breath again.

It was a simple outfit, but god did he wear it well. His t-shirt hung loosely from his shoulders, front tucked into a pair of dark blue jeans that clung to his thighs like they were painted on. You sure wouldn’t mind sitting on those. “You know how to clean up,” you smiled, taking the opportunity to lean up and press a kiss to Leonard’s cheek. The smell of his cologne left you lightheaded in all the right ways.

“Mama always said dress to impress.”

“Oh, and who are you trying to impress,” you teased. You saw the faintest blush creep into Leonard’s cheeks, but before he could answer, Jim was whisking the two of you to the kitchenette.

Everyone was sitting around the island, already a few drinks in and eager to see what gift they were going to get. Jim divvied them out, sliding you a small package poorly wrapped in elastic bandage. “From your secret admirer,” he winked at you. Busy studying the package, you missed Bones kick Jim under the counter.

The gift exchange was more fun than you thought it would be. Chekov got an unopened box of Kit Kats that sent the room into an uproar. It was stolen five times before Jim threw his captain card into the ring and claimed it for himself. He almost immediately regretted it when he had to give up his present, which turned out to be the bottle of whiskey you’d anted up.

After a lot of squabbling, everyone opened their presents and all eyes were on you. You grabbed the end of the bandage and began unwrapping the parcel in your hand. You knew it was from Bones, and for that reason alone you were loathe to give it up. As you reached the end of the bandage, a small booklet fell onto the countertop.

Handmade was the nicest way to describe it: the pages were uneven and stuck out at odd angles from being stapled together in a hurry. To anyone else, the script would barely be legible, but you had plenty of practice deciphering Leonard’s chicken scratch.

“It's a coupon book,” you announced, thumbing through the pages. “Ooh, you might want this one Jim. It says you can put off the yearly physical for up to a month. No, no this one’s better. It says Leonard will actually smile for an entire day.”

“Lemme see that,” Jim said, already tearing the book from your hands. He stopped flipping through it and snapped his eyes up to Leonard’s face, grinning devilishly. “A full body massage in your private quarters. Bones. If I didn't know any better I’d say you were trying to get our good friend here naked.” Bones closed his eyes but remained silent. The flare of his nostrils and tightening of his jaw said enough.

“Oh, I want that,” Sulu cut in. “I am in desperate need of a massage.” He reached across the counter to grab the book from Jim but you reached it first.

“Take it and you’ll need more than a massage to set you straight.”

Sulu remained in place, looking from you to Jim hesitantly. “Is that a gay joke or…” Uhura coughed loudly, grabbing his attention. She whispered something in his ear and he glanced from you to Bones. “That makes so much sense. Never mind,” he grinned. “I’ll find a masseuse when we go on leave.”

You held the book tighter against your chest as you looked around the room. Every eye was on you or Leonard. Everyone seemed to be grinning at an inside joke the two of you weren’t in on. Well, everyone except Bones, who looked as uncomfortable as you did.

“Right,” you said, clicking your tongue to dispel the silence. “So I’m gonna go.” You inched away from the counter, waving awkwardly.

“Yeah, I think I, uh. I think I’m gonna join ya,” Bones said, trying his best to ignore the scattered snickers that followed.

You waited until you were far enough down the hall to be confident no one was listening in before you spoke again: “What was that all about?”

“Nothing Jim isn’t gonna pay for later. Look, I…” Leonard sighed, stopping in the middle of the hallway. He ran a hand through his hair and you had to bite back a whine. It really was unfair that he looked so good, even under fluorescent lights. “Jim told me the gift was for you, and I couldn’t think of anything else. You don’t have to use those coupons if you don’t want to.”

“Oh, I want to. As much as you joke about your legendary hands, it’s about time I got to try them out.”

“No, that’s not - what I’m trying to get at is-”

“Leonard,” you said gently, resting your hand on his elbow. You slid your fingers down his bare arm, relishing in the way your fingertips felt running over his skin. You watched your fingers interlock as if through a looking glass. Like this was a dream and you never wanted to wake up. “I think I know what you’re getting at, and if it’s okay with you, I think I’d like to cash in on that full body massage tonight.” You peeked up at him through your lashes.

Leonard squeezed your hand, fighting against every nerve in his body that was screaming at him to run you back to his room. Instead, he brushed his thumb against the back of your hand, wondering if the rest of your skin would feel so electric. “I think that can be arranged.”

Tags:  @8bit-arc-reactor @jimtkirkisabitch @sjlovestory @kristaparadowski @outside-the-government @martinawalker @thevalesofanduin @goingknowherewastaken @thefanficfaerie @brooke-taylor0323 @slither-in-a-half @cuddlememerrick @reading-in-moonlight @resistance-is-futile81 

This! Is a galaxy opal: