#The drawing of just Rumi is a bonus i liked it too much to not share it

[valeovalairs]

Happy Pride featuring the godslayers <33

Pretend the nb flag is above Elena I was going to draw it (with Rumi) and then realized it was right on top of a drawing on the other side of the page that I really liked and didn’t want to mess it up, but it’s there in spirit.

[a-fanatic-fangirl-requests]

About the Fangirl~ (200 Follower Celebration)

Since I got asked more about myself for the 200 follower celebration, here are some questions and answers about my life!

How long have you been writing and what inspired you to start?

Hmm, I'd say it was in 8th grade when I got my first phone. I typed up a really bad Sasuke fanfiction. I had first gotten into anime/manga in 5th grade, and had been reading it regularly since then, so the stories and characters have inspired me I'd say. Plus, when I discovered that people actually wrote stories about characters and published online, that's definitely where I got the inspiration too.

And as a side note, part of my degree is an English major with a writing emphasis, specifically in creative writing. Mainly because I can write what I want and other people can't disagree with it like they could with research or essays lol

Who are your favourite writers?

Hmm, that's a hard one. But I'm going to list the ones that don't have anything to do with anime/manga.

Pat Barker is a great British writer that was introduced to me in a class. Her books write from the perspective of those in history that haven't had a voice. Right now, I'm reading her book "The Silence of the Girls" that depicts the lives of the captured women of Troy by Agamemnon’s army in the Trojan War (from a fictional standpoint)

Rumi is more of a poet, but still a writer. He has many many works that even if you don’t like poetry, there will be one that speaks to you.

There are so many more, but, let’s go with that~

Who are your favourite anime characters and which anime is your favourite?

Why is this cursed question something I have to answer >.< lol I'll start off by saying I'm not a huge fan of girls/women in anime because they feel so forced it's painful. So if there is a girl I like, its because she has had good character development or she doesn't roll over at the whims of those around her.

I love Makoto Tachibana from Free! Iwatobi Swim Club. I'm so soft for him its unreal. I may have bought a 1/8 figure of him and hope I can get another one soon >.>

And, of course, Sesshomaru, Sasuke, and Sebastian are my top three probably.They all start with ‘s’ now that I notice that....

+Anima is such an underrated manga, I wish it would have been popular enough to have been made into an anime.

Yotsuba&! is another great one! If I feel sad, I read that one and I just cheer right on up~

I’ll add more as I think of them!

What do you do on your free time apart from writing?

I play video games and I stream them from time to time. Lately, I've been obsessed with Animal Crossing: New Horizons like the rest of the internet. But I'd say I prefer the more anime style games like Rune Factory and Persona.

I’ve also gotten into crocheting recently. Still very very basic stuff, but it’s quite calming~

What would be your number 1 destination holiday?

Japan. C'mon, let's be real here~ I'm a big history buff too, like, I will cry in a museum that has something super old because I just love it so much or crying at history being destroyed. So specifically, I'd probably want to go to Kyoto.

What kind of music do you like?

I prefer electronic type music, specifically Chill. Otherwise early 2000s pop music and the Black Panther OST (so specific, I know lol)

Do you dance, draw or design?

I danced from 3rd grade to 7th grade, and did tap, cecchetti, jazz, broadway, and hip hop. Tap was my favorite though :3 I can draw, but I can't draw well. I drew a really good horse head one time. Never drew well again afterwards it seems~ I enjoy designing, especially in games like Stardew Valley or The Sims to name a few. My hyperfocus comes in handy for those types of things. I enjoy video production and editing too. I just wish my current job gave me more freedom in that department, especially without a deadline.

What type of genre do you prefer writing/reading?

I like writing fluff, because I'm a hopeless romantic, and I enjoy writing angst (if you couldn't tell) because I apparently like to have emotional pain for my characters? But I enjoy reading angst and, ahem, *fun* stuff too >///>

That doesn't mean I don't enjoy writing any other genre, I just sometimes have to be in the right headspace for it.

Do you have any pets?

I do! My cat just turned 16 last week, I've had him since 1st grade. His name is Coco Fluff (I was in first grade, shut up) but I call him something that is hard to spell phonetically because it's not really a name? I call him Foos Boos. That's the best I can do with that name....

Are you an early birdie or a night owl?

Definitely a night owl. One of my jobs has me be to work at around 4am some days and I just want to bang my head on the wall. Its far easier for me to stay up late than get up early.

What gives you inspiration?

Mmm, probably my own messed up life, the experiences from others, and situations in stories I read. I kinda pull ideas and inspiration from many mediums that helps me write.

But what gets me motivated is a great story idea, or knowing that people are reading and liking my stuff tbh. It's relieving to hear what someone thinks about my writing, especially since I don't feel like its good sometimes. But I try my best!

That's all the questions for now 🤗 I'll let you know if more pop up!

Bonus: here is my old man of a cat

[earthling-thing]

(A million) Coping Skills and Self Care Activities

“No hurry. No pause.”- Mar It is okay to go slow so long as you keep on going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

“This too shall pass.”

Sip some tea or coffee and admire little details about your surroundings. They may not be obvious at first but there is always something to enjoy about your surroundings.

Draw things a fairy would see in their day to day lives- berries, flowers, leaves, creatures, butterflies, etc.

Spend time with Bailey, talk to him, love him, snuggle with him, take care of him, walk him. Think of how grateful you are to have him in your life.

“Like a wildflower; she spent her days, allowing herself to grow. Not many knew of her struggles, but eventually all knew of her light.”- Nikki Rowe

Read the letter Lucy wrote me. Appreciate that she took the time to write such an incredibly sweet, thoughtful, and insightful note. Take her advice to heart. Maybe even reach out to her if you want.

Reach out to a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Let them know you miss them. If possible, make plans to see them.

“Everyone is doing the best they can at any given moment.”

Just do one thing on your to do list today. No more. No less.

Get outside. Go for a walk or hike. Frolic through the woods, jump in the leaves, feel the breeze running against your face, feel the warmth of the sun against your skin. Take it all in. Breathe in the fresh air. Let go of your worries as you exhale.

Get moving! Go or plan a time to go use my activity privileges. Enjoy moving my body and appreciate what it can do for me. Practice gratitude for my body.

Take a moment to breathe. Take a normal breath in and do a slow exhale for 4 counts.

Notice your surroundings. Look around. What do you see? Feel your feet planted firmly on the ground. Take some deep breaths. Listen to the sounds outside of the room. Transfer your attention to the sounds inside the room.

Give yourself a hug. Run your hands up and down your upper arms as you do this. Rub your thighs. Hold yourself as you would a baby. Think of a few things you love about yourself. Soak it in.

Notice if you are holding any tension in your muscles. Breathe in and with each exhale relax each muscle. Let the tension in your shoulders and jaw slip away. Relax your forehead. Let it all go.

Thought stop! Observe the thoughts tied to your anxious feelings. Use a mental stop sign. Think of your happy place. Imagine snow atop a beautiful mountain range.

Write down a negative thought you are having. Now list 1-3 alternative/ neutral/ self-affirming thoughts. Do this in your head if you can’t write it down. Ex: Thought= “I’m fat.” Alternate thought= “I don’t like my body right now and these are the things I like about myself. I care about other people, I have a good sense of humor, etc.”

Pick lemons if there are some in the backyard. Hold it in your hands and notice what it feels like. Sniff the spot where it was picked off the tree. Breathe in the scent.

Get some distance from your negative thoughts. Instead of telling yourself “I am…”, say “I am having the thought that I am…”

The Guest House by Rumi This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!… …treat each guest honorably…

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

Light a glassy baby, play some calming music, lie on the couch under a warm blanket with Bailey snuggled up against me, read a book, and look up images of pretty places. Let the calm and cozy aesthetic fill you.

Hold a stone or a rock. Think of what wishes and values you want and put them into the stone/rock. Hold it tight and imagine those wishes coming true.

Sniff essential oils out of the bottles. Dab some on your wrists and smell it. Let the scent soothe you.

Wear a necklace with your name on it and remind yourself of the powers you are capable of.

“I treat myself like I would my daughter. I brush her hair, wash her laundry, tuck her in goodnight. Most importantly, I feed her. I do not punish her. I do not berate her, leave tears staining her face. I do not leave her alone. I know she deserves more. I know I deserve more.”- Michelle K.

Pretend you are at a spa. Drink cucumber or lemon water. Make a scrub out of olive/coconut oil and brown sugar/sea salt. Add vanilla extract if desired. Massage it on your lips and legs to exfoliate. Take a warm shower and follow up with some moisturizer.

What experiences or moments are you thankful to have? Write about them.

What skills or abilities are you thankful to have? Write about them.

“Do things with your new body you couldn’t do before when it was undernourished. Notice how warm and cozy you are now, whereas before you were always cold. Climb mountains! Do cartwheels! Read a book and notice that you can actually focus now! Stop and enjoy the little things your body can do now. I went on a crazy hike yesterday where I had to scramble up rock faces and push myself hard and I never would’ve been able to do that with an undernourished body.” Tini

“Talk to yourself like you’d talk to someone you don’t know, or better yet, someone you love deeply.” Tini

Journal. Write whatever is on your mind. Let it all out.

Write down all the colors you can think of. Next to each color write a feeling/emotion and memory that it reminds you of.

Think of something that makes you feel truly alive- go and do it. Now. Plan to do it. Soon.

Write a letter to your younger, older, or future self.

Fold a paper into thirds. In the first column, write/draw all the things you are having a hard time with. In the middle column, write/draw your strengths, skills, and what you are good at or known for. In the last column, write/draw how you would use the things in the middle column to solve or deal with the problems in the first column.

Compliment at least 3 people today. Bonus: compliment yourself too.

Close your eyes. Slowly breathe in positivity and peace and calm and slowly exhale anxiety, fear, and negativity. Repeat.

Write some negative thoughts you are having. Cross them out and write a positive, hopeful, and self-compassionate thought in response.

Write down 3 things you are proud of today.

Think about a place that makes you feel calm- close your eyes and visualize that place for 2 minutes.

Draw 3 balloons. Inside each balloon write/draw 3 things you want to let go of. Mentally practice letting go of each of these balloons.

Write a letter or card documenting all the things you wish someone told you- then, hand it to a random stranger or place it in a book at a bookstore.

Look through the quotes in the word document and the recovery and productivity folders. Write down your favorite inspirational quote and create a drawing about it.

Go out in nature and find a rock- think about what you want more of in your life and write that word on the rock. Carry it with you.

Ask yourself “What are your afraid of?”- Write your response and repeat at least 5 times.

Notice how you feel. Now, describe how you feel as a body of water. Do you feel like a rushing river, rough ocean waves, a calm lake, a warm bath? Think about someone who means a lot to you- Write this person a card or letter about much they mean to you! Send it to them!

Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel/touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you are grateful for.

Notice 1 object in your current line of sight, in the present moment, that is red. orange, yellow, green, blue, pink, black, and white.

I am a good person going through a tough time.

I can handle this because I have handled tough things before.

I will get through this.

Your body is merely a temple for your soul. Accept it, nourish it, and let it thrive.

Imagine a tree.“Just like this tree, you are solid and strong, deeply rooted, can support weight or any burden and you can also shake it off whenever you want. Just like this tree, when the wind blows, you will bend but not break. You have strength through your core, in your roots, and in your branches.”- Dr. G

Write a letter to a younger person (or younger you) going through the same problem you are.

Write an inspirational quote or message and post it somewhere you can see every day.

Stick a body positive quote in a public restroom or leave it in the pocket of a pair of jeans at a store.

Write an example from each of the 5 senses (touch, hear, see, taste, smell) that makes you feel calm/ relaxed/ joyful.

Play your favorite pump up song and dance around the room. Be silly.

Where were you last year at this time? Write about it. Be grateful for the changes.

“There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky, and you ask What if I fall? Oh but my darling, what if you fly?”- Erin Hanson

Reflect on your day. What was your rose (something positive, beautiful, and joyful), thorn (something difficult, painful, or protective), and bud (something you are look forward to tomorrow or in the near future).

Write a list of 5-10 things you are grateful for.

Go outside and stair at the stars in the night sky. Marvel at the vast beauty of the universe.

Thank G-d for giving you the strength to get through any struggles you are facing. Write it as a letter or have a conversation in your head.

Go to a pretty spot. Experience your senses. Feel the air against your face, the breeze blowing your hair- Whatever you notice, take it in.

Write out my top values or look at my top rated value cards. How can you reach them? If you are struggling with your eating disorder, how would restricting/ using your ED prevent you from truly living in alignment with those values? Journal about it.

“If you have to eat a plate of frogs, eat the big frog first.” Do the hardest task you’ve been putting off. Imagine how good you’ll feel after.

Go or make a plan to go somewhere new. Come up with ideas of things to do and places to go. They could be seasonal activities too. Invite a friend to go with you.

Describe your mood in terms of the weather? Are you a bright sunny day with a clear sky, a grey muggy day, the rainbow after a bout of rain?

Let your worries fall away like autumn leaves falling to the ground.

Take some deep breaths and notice how you are feeling emotionally and in your body. What are you feeling? Take any anxiety, fear, and anger and ask it to step aside so you can put it in a glass jar and get to know it better. Envision the glass jar in front of you and observe it. Think for a moment. Now picture throwing the jar of worries on the ground and letting it shatter.

Go to the library, through your pile of books, or the bookstore and find a good book to read. Dive right in and lose yourself in the story!

Plan for success. Change the narrative in your head. Instead of worrying or envisioning things going poorly or using behaviors, imagine alternatives. Think about how it is going to go well and walk yourself through what that would look like. Write the plan down if you would like.

It is hard AND you can do it!

Write down some things you want to let go of in your life. Write down some things you want to call in or have more of in your life. Practice mentally calling in what you want and letting go of what you don’t need anymore.

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”- Nelson Mandela

Take a few deep breaths and tune into your emotions. What thoughts do you want to let go of? Imagine packing each worry or thought into a snowball. Picture yourself throwing the snowball and releasing the worry/thought as the snowball flies through the air, hits the ground, and falls apart.

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in a different form.”- Rumi (true of my ED)

Before bed (or now), write down at least three things that you are grateful for- small or big. List everything you can think of. Notice that the small things aren’t small at all. They are beautiful and make life more colorful.

Use a foam roller. Align your spine vertically on the roller and lie down. Bend your knees and put your feet on the ground with your arms out to the side. Gently roll side to side to release any tension and tightness between your shoulders.

**Again, most of these are not my own although some of them (e.g. snow ball one, plan for success, and few others) are.

[soyoureviewhiphoptoo]

Reviewing 4:44

4:44 Released: June 30, 2017 Label: Roc Nation, Roc-A-Fella First Week Sales: TBA Certifications: TBA Peak Chart Position: TBA

Jay-Z is the greatest rapper of all time. It might be up for debate but it is hard to refute.

There is a handful of artists (not just limited to hip-hop) that can make the world pause and question everything when you put a message on a billboard. Jay-Z has grown to become one of them. After orange posters with 3 numbers written on them began to appear in Los Angeles and New York, the internet started to fathom the meaning of these three mysterious fours. Numerous fan theories, three black and white trailers and a multi-million-dollar partnership with American telecommunication giants, Sprint later…we had the answer. The answer was his thirteenth studio album, 4:44.

Your favourite rapper cannot get a billboard to promote their album like this…probably

Since the release of the lukewarm Magna Carta… Holy Grail four years ago, a lot of things have happened to Jay-Z: he relinquished his ownership of NBA team, the Brooklyn Nets, he would become owner of Ace of Spades champagne, he launched a sport management company, he supported Democratic presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton, he’s thrown shots at Drake and so on and so on. But there are three things that happened in this 4-year gap that are not only large impacts in his life but impacts toward this new album: his altercation with his sister-in-law Solange during the 2014 Met Gala, the acquisition of streaming service, Tidal and (this one is very important), the release of Beyoncé’s Lemonade.

What’s worse? Being jealous or crazy? Taken from Beyonce- Hold Up

With the release of an album discussing the infidelity of a husband and his wife going through stages of denial, anger and depression before she is willing to accept him back into her life and rebuild the broken relationship, many listeners began to speculate whether this was just an album concept or a reflection of Beyoncé’s own marriage to Mr. Shawn Carter. Lemonade would act as a justification to Solange’s actions years prior or even older song lyrics that may have been overlooked. Many people (myself included) thought this was far-fetched and assumed it was a part of an elaborate ruse to sell records and up Tidal subscriptions. In some respects, 4:44 acts as a response to Lemonade and it proves the suspicions correct but in such a way that leaves you searching for words.

Referencing this first in the opening track, Kill Jay-Z, Hov mentions

“You almost went Eric Benét Let the baddest girl in the world get away”

Eric Benét is the ex-husband of Halle Berry. The pair divorced after his own continued infidelity. Jay draws parallels to Eric, noting that his own infidelity almost led to the same outcome. It was on the titular track, however, where Jay spills his heart. He makes it crystal clear that he had been unfaithful to his partner in the past and tries to justify these actions. In a wave of open honesty, he talks about his emotional immaturity going into the relationship fifteen years prior, the toll of not being able to be present for Beyoncé following a miscarriage in 2010/2011, the feeling of watching her change emotionally due to his actions but not being able to rectify it, how his actions drove a wedge between the two of them and how this negativity forced them into isolation. The most daunting aspect of this song is how the first few lines link with the final verse.

“Look, I apologize, often womanize Took for my child to be born See through a woman’s eyes Took for these natural twins to believe in miracles Took me too long for this song”

In these lines, Jay openly admits that it took the birth of his daughter, Blue Ivy for him to truly see the errors of his ways while the birth of his twin children, Rumi and Sir, made him see miracles, like the birth of twins or Beyoncé taking him back, are possible. In the third verse, the thoughts he would have when looking at his children become apparent as he questions how they would look at him if they were to learn that their father cheated on their mother, comparing it to learning Santa Claus was fake or that the Tooth Fairy didn’t leave any money. Without further explanation, it is very clear this has taken a lot out of him. What makes the song even more impactful is the production. The use of Hannah Willaims’ Late Nights and Heartbreak as the sample literally exudes emotion, putting Jay’s message in very simple terms “Never gonna treat you like I should”.

Despite this very prominent message from this album, 4:44 is not just a rebuttal to Lemonade, offering so much more insight and knowledge. A strong entry in this album is The Story of O.J. In this song criticises the decisions of black males in America, openly telling them that they do not know how to use their relatively new-found wealth. Rather than just spending the money on lavish possessions, Jay advises Black Americans to make wise investments into businesses or property. This is interesting as Hov himself has been in the position of just throwing money away on nice things and he’s been forced to look back at his mistakes. What makes this song even more interesting is the hook;

“Light nigga, dark nigga, faux nigga, real nigga Rich nigga, poor nigga, house nigga, field nigga Still nigga, still nigga”

The idea of this is that no matter what you do or how you act, as a black man, you will still be viewed as a lower-class citizen by certain social circles in America (just like O.J. Simpson, who’s namesake is used for the title). In fact, the ideas of unifying the black community under one view, supporting black owned businesses and establishing black wealth and not just riches, is a re-occurring theme within 4:44, further expanded in Family Feud, Moonlight and Legacy.

Aside from actually listening to this album, the one thing I want you to do is to find a way to watch the music video for The Story of O.J. It is remarkable.

Another interesting takeaway from 4:44 comes from Smile. In this song, he reminisces upon bad memories. In the first verse, Jay-Z reveals that his mother is homosexual. The idea of her living her whole life in the closet, the fear of the possible prosecution she would receive and even entering a marriage with a man as a means of disguising her true self is frankly heart-breaking and yet finally she was able to smile. This strength is clearly hereditary as Jay shares this same fortitude, being able to live through struggles in the hood yet he was able to accomplish so much…and smile.

With the spectacular production by No I.D. on the ten tracks, Jay-Z is able to deliver a concise yet impactful sermon listeners (more specifically black listeners) can absorb and truly learn from. While I am not entirely a fan of this album being a Tidal exclusive, this album has definitely made it worth applying for a membership. With three bonus tracks on the way when it goes on sale and a prospective visual album experience soon to come, it is hard to dispute the greatness of this album.

Jay-Z is the greatest rapper alive. It might be up for debate but it is hard to refute, especially with this album

Rating for Jay-Z- 4:44

Thank you, Mr. Savage…it’s a new thing I’m doing. The point is, 4:44 is a 5/5