#The day I saw endgame I cried non stop for the entire day

[superiorkenshi]

It's missing him moment (him being Tony stark)

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 63: Land of Enchantment

Chapters: 63/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Mature Warnings: none Relationships: Loki x Reader (There We Go) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Heimdall(Marvel), Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), What Beautiful Music They Make, Even When Diner Food Is Bad It’s Still Pretty Good, Not Very Healthy Though, Get Thee To A Waffle House

Summary:   Loki visits Townsvill, USA

Loki had to admit a grudging respect for the human invention known as the internet. Such lawlessness. Such chaos. Such memes! And the fact that anything, anything at all, could be found there. Including information on the-to Loki's surprise-thousands of species of cicadas. It was one of the great mysteries of Midgard; this grand proliferation of living things. When just one version of something would have been fine, there somehow had to be dozens to thousands of kinds of that thing. Especially among the insect world. Why so many beetles? Why?

In your vast Iowa, there seemed to be almost twenty species, though, aside from size and color, there didn't seem to be much difference between them. They were all shaped like fat teardrops, with lacy, gossamer wings covering, but not hiding, their chubby, pointed abdomens. He did learn some interesting insect facts-there were some that only appeared every decade or so, some even went a full seventeen years without showing up, but when they did...

The word 'swarm' seemed to put it lightly.

Horrifying.

He learned about the singing frogs, and their whimsical names; the Bullfrog, the Chorus Frog, the Spring Peeper.

He researched the crickets, locusts, and grasshoppers.

He found recordings of all of these and more-coyotes, owls, the soft squeaking of bats. The loud, crepuscular Swifts, the equally loud, nocturnal Whip-Poor-Will, a well camouflaged bird named after its signature cry.

He could do something with all of this.

In the times in between doing his princely duties, he had things prepared. Some silk needed to be woven, some wooden frameworks made. It would take a little bit of time, but everyone worked faster when it was at the prince's request.

Once he had the blank 'canvas' on its series of wooden 'frames' he sent it to his favorite painters, with an image he wished for them to reproduce.

All the while he waited, he also dove into the study of your homeland.

Midgard was so very large, and he had spent so little time actually being there, and learning his surroundings. The sizes of countries baffled him sometimes. The United States was one of those countries that seemed to contradict its own existence. While not the largest of countries, it was still so large that its central government could not govern its entirety. Instead, it was broken up into 'states'; great chunks of land, many being so large as to be countries all their own. Each of these states governed themselves, reporting back to the central government. It was an odd arrangement, that struck Loki as woefully inefficient and ripe for rebellion.

In fact, his studies taught him that several such rebellions had occurred in the past, and had the possibility of rising again in the future.

He tried to listen to some of the music common to your nation-sized state, but could not stand it for more than a few songs. Modern Midgardian music was mostly terrible, in his opinion, lacking in melodiousness and refinement. The lyrics tended to be simplistic at best, examples of beginner's poetry.

He found some grudging enjoyment in the unusual instrumental achievements of what the radio stations called “Eighties Hits”, whatever that meant, but he would not be admitting that anytime soon.

The pictures and recordings didn't seem like enough. The music wasn't enough.

He needed to be there.

Loki could not take you to Old Asgard exactly, but he could make illusions to immerse you in the world in which he grew up. But you couldn't do that, you couldn't bring your homeland to him. If he was to understand you better, he would have to go there himself. Surround himself in your land, eat the food, breathe in the air.

And so he began planning a little vacation.

Or was it an espionage mission? No one other than Heimdall could know he was there: He was still very much a persona non grata in the United States. He could not take you with him. He would have to go in disguise. He would have to go at night, while you slept, so that you would not suffer for his distance from you.

Maybe someday he would be allowed back; to take you back to see all your friends and neighbors. Until then, he would just have to bring some of it back to you.

One evening, he kissed your forehead gently, telling you that he had an errand to run, and might not be back until morning. You were tired; it was clear to him. You didn't even question what he would be doing.

As he left the city limits, he let his outline shimmer and fade away, replacing himself with features that would be less likely to draw suspicion. Soon there was nothing but a grizzled old man in worn jeans and a stretched out black tee shirt. Boring. Ordinary. Unremarkable.

All the things he was sure he was not.

Heimdall met him with a sarcastic stare.

“What have we here?” He said in a flat voice. “A lost, Midgardian peasant? I suppose I shall have to send you home.”

In a time past, Loki might have felt bashful, but that was before he had realized that the gatekeeper had a sense of humor drier than the center of a star. Now he only felt grateful about how willing Heimdall was to break the rules.

“I wish to learn some things.” Loki said. “It's for the good of my subjects.”

“Plural?” Heimdall questioned. Loki pursed his lips and looked away. Heimdall twisted the sword.

The light gathered Loki up, and flung him across the sea.

                                                                          *****

The fields were vast in the dying light, stretching so far on every side, that it was impossible to see their end. The only break in the tall rows was the equally endless road Loki walked. He could smell the green plants as the sun disappeared beneath the corn, and the dust, and the mud in the roadside ditches.

Heat distorted the distance, assaulting his senses, but not as much as the noise.

Everywhere, every cubic inch of the world was the sawing scream of cicadas. It filled his skull, filled his bones, inescapable and omnipresent. How did you sleep in this? How could anyone sleep here?

But as he walked, as the day faded and the night awoke, Loki began to hear the song. The insects cries had a rhythm that rose and fell in rounds, constantly changing as a frog in a ditch puddle sang along, as crickets among the corn roots added their harmonies. The interruptions as something, perhaps himself, disturbed the nearest singers, causing them to fall silent, and change the melody entirely.

The whole world around him was alive, and reveling.

A dome of light on the horizon indicated your town. He would be there soon, an hour's walk at most.

The closer he got, the less he could see the emerging stars, a problem even the smallest of Midgardian settlements seemed to have. There were more vehicles too, several of them stopping to ask if he needed help. These he waved away with a friendly declaration that he was just out for a nice evening walk.

Eventually, there came a break in the cornfields, a wide verge between farmland and civilization. A sea of grass and barely visible wildflowers, closed up against the darkening night. He leaped over the ditch and strode a few feet into it, focusing on the last vestiges of wildflower scent, of the insects that rose into the air, the evening choir all around him.

The flashlight shining in his face, the stern questioning of an officer. The warning to move along. He wasn't even bothering anybody, and still, he was somehow in trouble.

The officer also offered him a ride, but Loki didn't trust it. A ride to the local prison maybe. The fellow was a bit too canny; he didn't seem to believe a thing Loki said.

He finally passed a city limit sign, that boasted of its two thousand residents. Smaller, even than Asgard, yet you'd spent your whole life here. Hemmed in by cornfields, like great, green walls. Lulled by the song of nature. Sick, and starving, and scared, without him.

And for a year of it, nearly alone, surrounded by dead fields, like even greater walls, no word from the outside world. Isolated, endangered, without even a single member of your family to draw comfort from. All because of Thanos. Just like Thor had been, in the aftermath. Just like he had been, after he fell.

But never again. None of you had to be alone now.

For a town, the place was surprisingly empty. There were large spaces between buildings, overgrown lawns and poorly manicured houses. There were churches; though in this country, there seemed to be churches on every corner. There was the grocery store he had taken you from. The memory had grown soft and treasured in his mind. The way you had fallen so dramatically in front of him, like a swooning maiden faced with raw power. The way life had flowed back into your limbs when he touched you, the way strength seized your soul, and you had so adorably tried to break his nose.

All he had felt then was your warmth. The blow might have felled a human man, but he was so much more. And he had since proven that to you. Mostly.

You still weren't ready for further steps into this relationship. That was okay. You had a busy life now, lots to think about. Your days were full of so much more than just deciding what icing to put on the cupcakes.

Speaking of...

Loki wandered the isles of the grocery store, imagining that you had done the same. Day in, day out, up and down these cramped, harshly lit shelves, until it was memorized. He stood outside the bakery section-closed by this time of night-knowing that you had spent years in that very spot. How the work of your hands had been appreciated by everyone who had bought any of the wide variety of baked goods on display, but had never been attributed to you. Every worker in this place wore the same uniform, the same hat, the same color. They were forced into facelessness.

You had worn that same uniform when he first found you. You'd lost your hat in the mire outside New Asgard, and he'd had the ugly, ill-fitted uniform thrown out. Only the apron remained, decorated, bettered, made more worthy of you and what you were becoming.

Loki adored the style of clothing you wore now; a mix of traditional Midgardian forms and Asgardian details-as unique in its position as you were. And you had taken to it so naturally! It would be nice to see you in some purely Asgardian pieces though. Specifically, Asgardian lingerie...

Loki tore his wandering mind away from that alluring subject, lingering instead on the array of presumably delicious baked goods before him. There were confetti cupcakes with galaxy-colored icing, covered in glitter, labeled 'Sayd-cupkakes', and a little photoshopped picture of you with rainbows and sparkles fountaining from your hands. He was sorely tempted to filch it, but he had already stolen something from this place.

On a table next to the cupcakes, there were green iced croissants, slightly unfurled before baking, in order to make them look less like a swirl, and more like bulls horns. These were labeled 'Lossants', and Loki struggled with amusement at the awful puns, and awareness about how inappropriate this probably was, considering all he had done. This would never have gone over in New York. The store would have been shut down immediately.

But your old workplace honored you. And seemed to at least acknowledge the reality of himself. If this tiny town could do that, perhaps there was hope yet.

Loki headed down the street, where it seemed a majority of the local eateries were located, and chose the most rustic looking. This would be the place where the local poor would eat, when they could afford to.

The décor was odd to him-it seemed there was little thematic cohesion, with everything from old signs, to movie posters, to farm animals made of wood or tin affixed to the walls. The false leather of the booth seating was red and cracked, and the yellowish lighting threw a grungy pall over everything.

Even in the guise of a rough old man, Loki managed to charm the waitress, ordering a combo plate of breakfast foods, which he was pleased to find were served all day. These were delicious, but he could see how they would be unhealthy for a human, who burned calories at a slower rate than Asgardians did. But Loki knew that peasants of both species needed hearty fare, to do the work that they did.

Personally, Loki found these 'waffles' to be delightful in taste and texture. Did you like these? Had you sat in this seat, smiled at this waitress, eaten waffles off these plates? Did you like this sublime sweetness known as maple syrup?

Or did you eschew these things in favor of the protein? These heavy scrambled eggs, the crunchy bacon, the sausage that was uncomfortably greasy. Asgardian food had been refined over millennia to provide for the needs of mighty warriors: it would be much healthier for you than this.

But maybe he could have some greasy sausage brought for you sometimes. He knew how you loved strong flavors.

He could feed you little tidbits. You could lick his fingers.

Again, Loki had to drag his thoughts away from such subjects, and concentrate on satisfying his other hungers. He had to pay with Icelandic money, bespelled to look like American dollars, but he would likely not be back this way again, so it wouldn't matter when the spell wore off.

Besides, they could just exchange it, couldn't they? It was the correct amount.

He wandered out into the night, allowing himself to get lost in the streets of your town. It was mostly quiet, but the sounds of music and television sets could be heard inside the houses, and cars ran back and forth infrequently on the hot streets. There was smoke in the air, the sounds of gatherings in backyards, and even here, the cry of cicadas.  Loki located your 'High School', and what must have also been your 'Middle School', and 'Elementary School', though he still didn't understand the distinction. But there was only one of each in this little town, so you must have attended at least one. Perhaps you had been selected for the 'High school' due to your intellectual acuity? But then why were you still a peasant among humans?

You were exalted in Asgard now, paramour to a prince. He wanted to believe that it didn't matter, but it was your upbringing. It was what had shaped your personality, and informed your outlook on life. This town, with its run down buildings and overgrown lots, fenced in by walls of corn, it had created you. This was your true maker; it moulded you, and was still a part of you, like the Shining Realm would always be a part of him, no matter what was going by the name of Asgard now.

Loki was not so sure that he really liked this place. For being so flat and open, it still felt hemmed in and constricting. But he liked you, so he liked something of this place.

He walked all the way to the other side of town, and out towards the corn. There was a verge here as well; grass and wild plants between the town and fields, and he lay down there, watching the stars go by.

He must gave dozed off, because next he knew, he was waking to a different song. Birds made up the chorus this time, and he sat up to the rising scent of clover, their little pink and white flowers heated by the light of the morning sun. They mingled with the honeysuckle vine winding along the fence behind him, and-yes those were the flowers you had shown him in the Akureyri botanical garden.

Eager to be gone before anybody noticed, he gathered a bouquet of the cheerful, purple blooms. These he pressed into your hands when you greeted him on his return, as well as a quick kiss on the top of your sleepy head

If you wondered how he had gotten them, you were too drowsy to ask, and he bid you go back to sleep. You could both be late today.

[monstasxbebe]

𝕯𝖊𝖓 𝖔𝖋 𝕸𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖘 𝕮𝖍.1

Teaser # 1 | Teaser # 2

Pairings: Hoseok/Kihyun/Minhyuk (Endgame), Jooheon/Changkyun/Hyunwoo/Hyungwon (Endgame)

Genre(s): Angst, Drama, Romance, Smut, Fluff

Pairing: Explicit (18+)

Tags: Puppy Play, Slowburn, Bondage, Poly Relationship, Voyeurism, Exhibitionism BDSM Dynamics, Explicit sex, Voluntary Feminization,Shibari, Enemies to Lovers, non-idol Au, Member x Member

WC: 2.7k+

Ao3 Link

“Harder!”

The bed rocked below them, the combined sound of the frame groaning in protest being accompanied by the headboard knocking against the wall. 

“You’re giving a lot of orders here for someone who begged me to fuck you.”

There was a muttered protest, but it was cut off when he bit into the cream colored shoulder in front of him. The larger man couldn’t help the grin stretching across his lips as the younger man below him whimpered from the sting. They had been going at it for a while, and he could tell from the tightness around him and the way his partner’s fists tightened and pulled in the sheets, that they were nearing the end. 

He put his hand between the whimpering man’s shoulders, pushing him until he was face down, his hips slapping hard against the other man’s ass with every long, hard thrust. The moaning beneath him peaked, and he could feel the other man trembling below him, his breathing ragged and uneven.

“Moan my name.” He suddenly panted, leaning over the lithe man’s frame, pulling his hair to get his attention back on the demand. Silky brunette locks peeked out from between his fingers as the man looked back at him, eyes shining in a flurry of mixed emotions that almost made him cum right there. 

“H-Hoseok, please-”

“Moan my name. Or you can finish yourself off.” Hoseok’s lips quirked at the way the other man’s eyes darkened. He glared daggers at him, but one roll of the hips in a certain direction, and he was putty in his hands, gripping his forearm so tight it hurt as he cried out for him. 

“Hoseok! Fuck, faster faster! Hoseok!” He cried, his walls tight around Hoseok’s cock. 

Satisfied, he pressed his sweaty chest against the man’s back, fucking him for all he was worth. He came first, but he smirked as the other man came untouched, his entire body tensing before he trembled, falling face first into a pillow once Hoseok stopped supporting him. 

He smirked, slapping his ass. 

“Good boy, Kihyun.” 

Kihyun turned, tiredly looking at him with that same mixed swirl of emotions in his eyes. He opened his mouth to retort, and Hoseok was sure that it would be some declaration about how much he hated his guts, but all Hoseok could hear was a horribly familiar screeching. 

‘Brrrng! Brrrrng!’

Hoseok grunted, cracking an eye open, hissing when the stream of light peeking from between his curtains flooded his vision. Groaning, he extended his arm, reaching over to silence the clock blaring at him from the corner of his nightstand. Rubbing his eyes, he sighed, his thick arm falling to the side, dangling off the edge of his bed as he tried to collect himself.

He’d been having dreams like that ever since he’d been moved into his new department. They were always the same, with him roughly fucking his Team Leader, Yoo Kihyun. It left him with more than enough stained boxers and frustration and looking down, he could tell today was no different. 

Just great. 

He rolled out of bed, yanking his shirt over his head and his boxers down his hips, tossing them in the hamper at the corner of his room, disappearing into the bathroom. He rolled his neck as he turned on the water, trying to gather his thoughts as he let it warm up. 

Today wasn't just any ordinary day.

It was October 21st, a day circled several times on the ramen calendar he had hanging on the wall near his door. 

The day his team started working on their 20th anniversary special magazine. 

Hoseok stood under the spray, his shoulders tense.

He worked at Starship Inc., a fashion company based out of Seoul. They had expanded their brand, selling magazines as far as Europe and America. He had worked in the Communications team for over a year until he was abruptly transferred over to the Magazine Team.

That’s when his life began to take a chaotic turn. 

Apparently, someone from the Fashion Magazine team had a breakdown and cracked under the pressure, quitting abruptly just a week before the team had to start working on the magazine. Kihyun, the head of the team, had looked over people from multiple departments, seeing if anyone had similar qualifications as the now missing employee and by the luck of the draw, Hoseok was the one that had been selected. 

The man stepped out of the shower, walking over to the sink to look at himself in the mirror. He brushed his bangs out of his eyes and set to start blow-drying his hair as he got lost in thought again. 

Kihyun was a bit more than a perfectionist. He didn’t hold anything back, speaking his mind whenever someone did something he found unfavorable or unproductive and Hoseok could respect that, to a degree. However, it seemed the man had it out for him specifically at times, scrutinizing everything he did. 

It annoyed Hoseok to no end. He was a rookie to that particular department, dealt with the shitty hand of fate, and now he had to be on the receiving end of Kihyun’s tangents almost daily. 

In the next room, his phone rang. 

Hoseok blinked out of his daze, sticking his head out into the cool bedroom so he could hear who’s ringtone it was. When he recognized the familiar, slightly off-key sound of him and his coworker Hyungwon singing a karaoke cover of Sexy Back, he crossed the room in a flash, nearly dropping his phone from how quickly he snatched it up. 

“Hello?”

“Hyung, where the hell are you?” 

Hoseok tensed, cursing under his breath when he saw the time. He’d lost track of time again while he was in the shower. His shift started in 10 minutes. 

“Fuck, stall for me.”

“What? And deal with Kizilla myself?”

“I swear, I’ll treat you to as many Americanos as you want, just please stall for me.” Hoseok grunted while hopping around, one of his legs in a pair of white pants. He could hear Hyungwon sigh from the other end, but he could almost see the smile on his face. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll hold you to that. Just get here.”

The line went dead at the same time Hoseok stumbled into his nightstand, eyes growing wide as the lamp at the edge teetered and began falling. He reached out hastily, cringing as his hip collided with the edge of the wood.  

Great. His morning was already off to a chaotic start. 

He quickly put the rest of his clothes on, and rushed out of the door, nearly colliding with a couple on the street as soon as he did so. 

“Sorry!” He tossed over his shoulder, continuing his mad dash down the block. He ran the scenarios through his head over and over again. He was a few minutes late, yes, but working under Kihyun had all but turned the man into a track star when it came to making into the office before the Team Leader could notice his absence.Hoseok had gotten lucky, securing a condo not too far from Starship Inc., which made his morning mad dashes slightly less hectic.

If he was lucky, he could slip into the office before Kihyun got there and everything would be fine. Hyungwon was a master at stalling, in the event that the redheaded Team Leader got there first. 

Hoseok’s face lit up as Starship came into view. 

He’d been working for the company for well over a year but it still took his breath away every time he saw the building. It was a tall building, with an impressive 42 floors. The exterior was decorated with beautiful flowers and bushes (planted by some of the employees just a few months ago in spring). They had little cotton cobwebs and small ghost cutouts on them to remind the employees that Halloween was fast approaching and as soon as Hoseok rushed through the doors, there was an explosion of color. 

The tiles of the lobby formed a beautiful stained glass-inspired image of a starship, the logo for the company. 

He didn’t have time to admire it, however, as he rushed into the elevator, leaning against the wall as the doors began to close. He panted, closing his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. He kept them closed for the time being. His stomach always did flips when he got on the elevator. Hoseok had serious acrophobia but he usually was able to suppress the fear if he could keep his eyes closed or keep himself distracted. His mind drifted back to his current situation and how he could sneak into the office and not be noticed.

Maybe Hoseok would get lucky, maybe he wouldn’t run into Kihyun before he got safely into the office and join the team meeting before the brunette arrived-

“You do know you are to report to the team meeting at 8 o’clock sharp, right?” 

...Fuck.

Hoseok cracked his eyes open, swallowing down a curse as Kihyun stood in front of him, leering at him. He bowed slightly, biting his lip to keep the sarcastic retort he had on the tip of his tongue from coming out. 

“S-Sorry, I woke up late.” Why the fuck aren’t you at the damn meeting, then?

“Woke up late? The first day of the most important project this company will see for the next couple of decades, and you woke up late? That’s the best you can come up with? Unbelievable.” Kihyun laughed humorlessly in disbelief, rubbing his temple. Hoseok stood up straight, scooting aside so Kihyun could press the button to their floor. 

God, this was going to be an awkward elevator ride. Hoseok silently wished there would be one more interruption, just so he and Kihyun didn’t have to be alone in a steel box slowly taking them to the 39th floor. He already felt anxious every time he had to go into the damn thing because of his acrophobia and this wasn’t helping.

His wish was granted when the doors began closing once more, but a converse wedged itself in between them, effectively stopping them from fully closing as a man scooted right in. He situated himself right between Kihyun and Hoseok, running a hand through his hair.

The man looked like he had just rolled out of a private school, with a sweater on underneath a gray plaid blazer. He adjusted his tie and Hoseok let out a small sigh of relief now that there was someone to buffer the awkward tension between him and his boss, and keep his mind off the elevator's ascent. It was a win-win scenario.

“I wasn't aware you'd be coming back today. No one informed me.” Kihyun spoke after a moment, watching the third man out of the corner of his eye.

“That's because I specifically made sure not to mention when I'd be back.” the other man quipped, checking under his nails for imaginary specks of dirt. Hoseok glanced between the two men for a moment, blinking in surprise when he recognized the man to be Lee Minhyuk. 

He was Starship’s Logistics Manager, which would usually place him somewhere in the Accounting Area, but apparently he took up several other jobs Hoseok wasn’t immediately aware of that landed him a chair and a sub-office in the Magazine Team’s office. The younger man didn’t look like it at first, but he was an incredibly hard worker. 

A hard worker with a clear disdain for Kihyun, so the two often came to butt heads in their office, with the rest of the team scrambling to stay out of the line of fire. 

Realizing he hadn’t greeted him, Hoseok sent him a small smile after he stretched. 

“Welcome back, Minhyuk-ah. You were gone for a while this time, huh?” He turned his body to the taller man, missing the side glance Kihyun sent the two of them before he rolled his eyes, going back to scrolling through something on his mini tablet as they ascended. 

“Yeah, I usually don’t have to go to the warehouse to check the goods, but there was an issue this time around. It’s good to be back, I hope you all didn’t get too comfortable without me.” He hummed, sending Kihyun a nasty look when the man snorted from his corner of the elevator. 

“Anyway, if I may, what happened to your hip?” Minhyuk inquired, those bright eyes drifting down Hoseok’s abdomen to land on his hip. Hoseok blinked, tilting his head. 

“My hip?” 

Minhyuk hummed, stepping closer. Long, nimble fingers moved downward, lifting Hoseok’s shirt ever so slightly to expose the discolored splotch, brushing against the skin slightly. Hoseok flinched slightly, feeling a sharp pain. He looked down, grabbing the end of his shirt, lifting it a bit higher without a second thought. His lips pulled down into a frown when he saw the size of the bruise. 

“Aigoo, it really did a number on me.” he mused. 

“Yah! Put your shirt down, where do you think you are?!” Kihyun scolded, startling the older man. Hoseok jolted before clearing his throat, lowering his shirt. Minhyuk snickered behind the clipboard in his arms. 

“Leave it to Kihyun to have dirty thoughts, hm? Better watch out for such a perverted boss.”

“Says the one that lifted his shirt in the first place!” 

“Quit getting your panties in a bunch, I'm sure you've been in your fair share of inappropriate situations at work.”

Hoseok stayed silent as both of them leered at one another. He wondered what the story behind that was.

There was plenty of rumors that had circled around the office about how exactly Kihyun got his position. Things like him having illegal ties from some mafia family, blackmailing the CEO, or the most popular rumor: that he slept his way to the top through Choi Seokwon, the son of Starship's owner and CEO.

Hoseok didn't pay them any mind. Most of them were outlandish and crass and he tried not to put labels on people if he could help it. Kihyun was probably the most abrasive boss he'd ever worked under and it hurt his pride whenever the younger man went off on him, but he was still an amazing worker, nonetheless. 

It still didn't explain the bad blood between Kihyun and Minhyuk but Hoseok casually moved around, settling himself between them to bow at Kihyun as he apologized.

“Sorry. I wasn't thinking.” he mused. Kihyun clicked his tongue in mild annoyance but nodded in acknowledgement.

Minhyuk pushed up his fake glasses, humming as they got to their designated floor. Hoseok sighed in relief when the elevator dinged. He'd be able to get some fresh air and hopefully Kihyun wouldn't send him too many death glares during their meeting.

As the doors slid open, Hyungwon darted into view as he grabbed his shoulders. 

“Okay, so Kihyun hasn't showed up yet, which means you have a good chance at not being-” the tall man paused, looking over at Hoseok’s left, seeing Kihyun not even a few feet away, cocking a brow when Hyungwon swallowed nervously.

“....Caught.” He deflated, shoulders dropping. 

Kihyun's cat like eyes rolled as he put a hand on his hip. 

“What is this, ‘Everyone Piss Off Kihyun Day?’”

Minhyuk snickered and strolled past the three men. 

“As much as I’d love that to be the case, we still have a job to do. Save the lecture for later, we should get started.” He reminded them. Kihyun clicked his tongue and pushed past Hyungwon and Hoseok, making his way down the hall. 

Hyungwon gently pat Hoseok on the back as they followed a few feet away. 

“Maybe it won’t be so bad. He seems mad but not too mad, so maybe-”

“By the way, you can go get coffee for the team since you were late, Hoseok. Don’t take too long, the meeting is already behind.” Kihyun threw over his shoulder, glaring daggers at the older man. Hoseok sent him a smile, biting back the urge to whine in frustration. He wasn’t that late, and Kihyun and Minhyuk were both late to the thing, too! Why was it just him being punished?

Instead, he bowed and turned on his heel. 

“No problem. I’ll hurry.” He muttered, heading the opposite direction to go to their breakroom to make the coffee. Kihyun watched him leave before smiling, seemingly satisfied with the punishment as he continued to the office. Hyungwon watched his friend go before jogging to catch up with his boss. 

Today was gonna be a long day.

[energonalucard]

A FEM Team of my Own Design (RED Edition)

Usually, I don't like doing this kinda stuff. One: I don't usually share my ideas and I am very nervous. Second: FEM characters are one thing, BUT A WHOLE (TWO) TEAM makes me sweat. The good sweat, but also a nervous sweat. Because I am now sharing a personal part of my brain and my love for woman. Beautiful. Lovely. Yes. 

@medics-secret-shipfic-folder, this is one half of those FEM's I talked about! 

Is this more OC team's then canon gender swap? Yeah, and that's because I don't think that's my endgame here, I didn't make these for a gender bend AU, I made them out of love and from a community of great idea makers. I'd rather make OC's then be another generic half-hearted bending AU maker. <3 <3

Also, this really is just a dumb fact thing as I don't want to give away plot stuff. Fun facts and getting to know them a bit. 

(Yes, I said PLOT) 

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-- RED Team: 

𝗦𝗰𝗼𝘂𝘁: The default FEM Scout you see around. Pony-tail, blonde like normal Scout, Bostonian. Has a bit of dimples but I swear, she'll punch you if you call her cute. 

She/Her. Straight, but an Ally. Or so she says. Nobody believes her.

But something you won't know is how many sisters she has! The answer is four. Four sisters and a single dad back in Boston. While lower on the sibling count then most Scout's she is far more likely to NOT talk your ear off in a large group... but will corner you and chat you a blue streak if your like Sniper or Spy and seclude yourself. Since she has less family to push her to run, she's a slower Scout but she can run ALL day pal. Even Medic needs a break but she keeps going, going, going...

Will beat you with heels/pumps (Spy will have loaned them) if you even offer the idea of her wearing them. Sneakers, pal, are Gods gift to feet.

Right handed, and uses left only to throw a ball or clever. Only. ONLY. 

Once drank Mad Milk. No one saw them for three days. Medic had her strapped to a table. She apparently was found in town on a rooftop at 6 AM after vomiting loud enough for neighbors to notice. She got better, but has amnesia from the incident.

Favorite weapon of all time is the Holy Mackerel, because its freaking hilarious and Spy's are disgusted by it. Also reminds her of her dad only being able to cook fish and roast back home in Boston.

𝗦𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗶𝗲𝗿: Looks like the canonical Soldier, but her hair is similar to the Battle Bob (https://wiki.teamfortress.com/wiki/Battle_Bob) but with no bangs and it barely peaking from her helmet. Blonde, American, and named John Doe respectively. 

She/Her. Bi(romantic/sexual). 

Has a thing for tank tops and will wear them around base when not on duty, because she's a very sweaty person and her clothes suffer (and who ever does laundry as well). This was a compromise. Trust the RED Team on that one (Medic approved).

Helmet 100% of the time though.

Bra comes off = be ready for a fight maggot.

Has more lower body strength, absolutely loves the Manntreads. But don't underestimate her running Original. See her on Battalion? She most likely has Rage ready when she pops out of nowhere.

Has no idea why people tell her walking around naked is weird/distracting/rude or whatnot. She's covered up! In jam (Pyro mourns their jam and preservatives cupboard)!

𝗣𝘆𝗿𝗼: Looks... exactly how a Pyro should. Like a balloon bodied Pyro. Yeah, nothing strange here other then their SASS. Dear heavens.

They/Them. Non-binary.

You've only seen these Pyro's around three or four bases in your entire LIFETIME. This walking bag of fire does not have time for ANY bullshit. Loves doing the windup middle finger when someone does something stupid/rude. Isn't really all that serious as they are made out to be but you get it.

Still loves Balloonicorn and cooking even though they act like any other merc. Has a tea set with crudely melted crayons on its outside.

Wanna get BACK here? BACK into THEIR base? Turn around and head BACK son. Backburner and Thruster Pack predator, all day unless the team suffers.

Covers up Soldier in a towel if she's naked. Sows up Demo's pants if she splits them. Engie loves them when they swing by with anything cinnamon realated. Second most likely to do everyone's laundry.

Arsonist Guardian of the Year Award. 

����𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗿: Just like Scout, the typical Femgineer model but this time, she's more chubby then her skinny model on Gamebanana. Her overalls like default Engineer helps her self esteem though. Brunette, Texan, and still a shortie. 

She/Her. Bi(romantic/sexual), but leans more towards men.

Ever seen a small volcano of 5'4'' and puffy red cheecks? You've met it, you've angered it. But you ain't staying conscious for long. Not with her weilding a Southern Hospitality just for this occasion.

Has made many comments about making traps and watching unfortunate folk "disappear" from her daddy's old farm. Nobody questions why the cameras in the building have tiny barrels attached to them and a laser sight. 

Has mentioned a husband or at least a male partner once to Sniper. Never elaborated. Never showed a ring or even a smile when talking about him.

Cinnamon and jam enthusiast along with Pyro, and the most flustered when Soldier is covered in it. 

Hair bun is a must unless she ties it flat with pins. Short hair because she don't wanna catch fire. Smells like burnt metal and a dulled oil smell nobody can rinse out of her clothes. Her hardhat is permanently on her head, googles are a go too. Welding smock and overalls in and out of battle.

𝗛𝗲𝗮𝘃𝘆: Like before, like Gamebanana FEM Heavy. Brunette (like two of her sisters), Russian, and actually has scars all across her chest if you can see her shirt peak off-hours.

She/Her. Lesbian (romantically involved with RED Medic). 

You probably think Medic is the one most likely to do laundry since I said Pyro was second right? (I'm not that predictable ;>) Nope, its Heavy. Heavy doesn't like machine washers unless she has to deal with jeans or other thicker fabrics she knows won't dry in under 12 hours correctly (because they fight EVERY day). She washed unmentionables too, and does not make it weird. Until Sniper literally has to answer about why all her underwear is stained yellow, Sniper she just wants you to have nice clean clothes--

You ask Pyro for dinner if you miss a meal or have a diet going on. If Heavy catches anyone not eating, they eat double. Diets? Heavy always grew up with the mentality you ate what you could get, but Heavy is not heartless. Since food types are abundant, she is careful about diets. But she'll still make you eat it double. 

Her girlfriend doesn't eat pork products, so she understands. (Slightly)

Natasha may be her right hand gun but her doctor will always have her heart and soul. Still bought a better bed for Natasha though, but don't tell doctor. 

Once beat a male Scout cause he called her ally Engineer a fatty. Has had to fend off two Scout's from her team's Spy ("Heavy, they had information I needed." / "Intelligence? Bah."). Actually stepped on a drunk Demo's crotch on accident, but did apologise. 

Loves her girlfriends muscles way more then her curves, she has no idea why. But she can appreciation a nice bottom when she sees it. 

Two little sisters, an older brother who's tettering around step-brother, and a mother who's nearly paralyzed from the waist down. But that woman was her light, she did things not many woman do anymore and for that wisdom and learning, Heavy is grateful. Mother also instilled a fear of swatters with a shoe tied to it. Creative, but scary.

𝗗𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻: Actually looks like The Demowoman made based on Drew Wolf's own design, but I think a bit more fuller in the cheeks and chin (more square). Scottish, eyes sharp as a sass lass, and a thick as hell skull.

She/Her. Pan(romantic/sexual).

Once cried in a pile of bras while drunk. Not her own. That's how everyone learned about Spy being... more on that later.

Has a father and mother, but both are leaning so far towards insanity she gave up listening a long time ago. Still doesn't back talk them though, she just pacifies them by dividing her money and saying she has many jobs.

Gains weight like crazy, and its not all the alcohols fault. Food is just very heavy in America and since the team is 1/3 American she feels enlarged everytime a meal based around or for the Americans is brought out. And dear god Heavy, bear goes straight to her muffin top. Spy notices her uncomfortable nature when eating and generally tries to swap out their plates (Spy fussing at the chief before dinner saying she needs X on her plate and not Y, just so Demo can keep her ideal self). (Don't tell Demo, she's too drunk to notice it)

Actually will hug Soldier when naked and be like, "Nothing weird about it". Has actually kissed Spy's hand like you'd do royalty as a joke. Has actually spun Medic around in a circle in a bear hug before. 

She's all for makeup, but really, all she can manage normally and steadily is lipstick. At least she can wipe it away if she wants (can't wipe away the pain of stabbing your only good eye with a mascara brush). 

Nobody touches her hair, never. But she likes doing other's hair. She isn't all that good with cutting or styling or maintaining hair, but playing with hair or just running her hands through it is amazing. The body hair on her legs is shaven and so are her underarms, but her arms and "moustache" that Scout notices are well grown out.

Quickiebomb Launcher Quickiebomb Launcher Quickiebomb Launcher Quickiebomb Launcher Quickiebomb Laun--

Hair always under a beany, nobody sees her hair until much later. She had it all in one wide french braid. Wait, doesn't she normally fail at braids? How did she get that? 

𝗠𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗰: (Okay, this is where similarities in the FEM models stops. To me, I don't really like the FEM Medic model as much as I should for OC's so I'll explain Medic as best I can.) Just like any male Medic counterpart and she has a square-ish chin, with curves almost as boxy as some of her cosmetics. But its a good boxy, she's wide with muscle and shoulders to carry injured teammates. Black hair, German, and the creepiest white teeth you've ever seen.

She/Her. Lesbian (romantically involve with the Heavy). Gay Energy™.

Thicc thighs saves lives. Like, no joke. She is mostly muscles in her legs and torso so everyone assumed she was good at running. Even Scout. Once lifted Demo with ease in her arms and gave Pyro a piggyback ride all at once. It did strain her back and she was slower, but she was fine after dropping Demo in a safer spot to sleep.

Her posture is shit, but she does form corrections regularly, and uses a pillow to cheat the system if she's grumpy enough.

Her teeth. God, her teeth anywhere in blue lighting make weaker mercs a bit dizzy. You've never seen teeth have a blue-green tint like hers, it feels like watching a horror movie permanently set in a blue shaded tint.

Does not eat pork products, and won't elaborate. Will eat beef, but not pork. Maybe she just hates it? Maybe. A diet? Even Heavy shrugs it off now when it happens.

Medic gives the thumbs up for Soldier walking around in tanktops. Naked Soldier is also a thumbs up. All those bras Demo collected once had Medic sorting through them happily. Actually figured out Spy's real cup size. 

Medic has banned Sniper's ace bandage bras. Not in this house, not under her roof. She fits Sniper for personally made bras, Spy bought and tailored. 

Loyal girlfriend. But gayer. Heavy is fine with it, and actually partakes in showing everyone love sometimes too. Since Demo is also affectionate, it can't be too bad.

Push-up queen, but will drop in the dirt in exhaustion afterwards. She only beats Soldier by a few points and mostly runs on spite. 

Has actually stollen all her team's uterus'. What?! She gave them all back later! Just... someone else needed them first. And in a Female vs Female war zone her teammates weren't planning on using them. But they are back now! Well... not all.

Has actually tried to make a Spyper out of an old male Spy and Sniper she used to fight. Both just despawned and targeted her the next day. Sadly. 

BLU Demo's line about shagging Medic's husband always makes her go into a laughing fit. 

Has a ring ready for Heavy, because Heavy is best wife material and loves her dearly.

𝗦𝗻𝗶𝗽𝗲𝗿: (Changed a bit too.) Taller then her Gamebanana model, and god is her face longer and more like regular Sniper. You've heard of laugh lines but the Sniper has frown lines, and the dip in her cheeks has wrinkles from the sun. She has a unibrow growing almost as fast as you can wax it, she leaves it be. So much arm hair. Brunette, Australian (New Zealand), and her hands are big for her size.

She/Her. Bi(romantic), Asexual. 

Never shaves. Never.

She has a mom, a dad, and a big brother. Her brother snipe's as well for RED Team and they have secret mail chains going between them (not so secret, Administrator knows). Her parents don't know she's Bi and after what they said to her brother about him being Trans, she never wanted to figure out. 

Her brother is actually fully transitioned with the help of a Medic who seemed pro-Trans. Of course the doctor waved that off but he had been careful about the procedure enough that they could tell he was a good doctor about all this.

Her brother is the reason she wears ace bandages for bras. So he wouldn't feel bad. She just never STOPPED wearing them after that, and she always reasoned it was because of her broken family and wanting to hold on a little longer. A "little longer" was nearly nineteen years of wearing it to help her brother mentally. Until Medic banned it. Then, she had tailored bras that were strapless but wouldn't fall down. Sometimes goes without the bra onto the battlefield and will tie her shirt off as a makeshift support. She doesn't feel she betrayed him, just... cloth is real itchy sometimes.

Jarate. Isn't... entirely enthusiastic about hygiene outside of basic shower stuff, brushing her teeth, and trimming her nails. Her underwear is clean but since jarate is... yeah, it stains her clothes. Jarate is a lot harder for females to make with how pants work.

Yes, has mooned the enemy Spy before. Not on purpose. Many times. Yes, her pride is shattered every time it happens.

Had long hair upon arrival to this war. She refused to cut it even as her team warned her about what long hair can cause. She changed her mind after the male enemy Spy yanked her around by it and smashed her head in a windowsill. She had her ally Spy cut it after she could stomach letting it be tugged, even for a cut. Spy was gentle, and asked her questions on what she prefers: suits or dresses. 

Suits mate.

(And that BLU Spy was never seen again on the battlefield after a week.)

𝗦𝗽𝘆: (Different from the model ENTIRELY, I really do not like the Spy FEM model at all. But I have grown more warm towards it lately, probably from my BLU team ideas *wink* *wink*) Wears a suit like all other Spy's, and a balaclava as well. Her shoes are as Italian as they come and could take out a man's eye they are so sharp. Blue eyes, sharp chin and nose, and she is NOT a mother.

She/Her. Pan(romantic/sexual)/Polygamous.

Is not the mother to any children at all. She does not need nor want any. Still gets all the men thought. And ladies. 

She actually does not have a uterus at all, she caught wind the doctor had taken something out of her (what Medic doesn't) and didn't want it back. Turns out, she really does not care for the missing body part. Oh well, a Spy's lose is a Medic's fortune.

Has her breasts restricted a bit by a special SpyTech bra that distributes muscle instead of pressing it all against her lungs. She looks like a D cup for her bust size. Is a E cup naturally. Medic drools when she sees the tag on the bra for the first time. Sometimes wears buisness casual around base, without her SpyTech bra and using a normal one for comfort. Attracts Demo and Soldier like flies when she does. 

Cuts and manages everyone's hair. Sniper was her first job, and that was easy. Next was Medic coming in it get a half fade. Next was Soldier to keep her hair barely peaking from the helmet. Demoman was the hardest to convince and she can only touch her hair if she "uses those leather fancy gloves" she always wears at all times while braiding Demo's hair.

That BLU Spy from before? Gutted multiple times over the course of games throughout a week. His score suffered and he was moved to a team of lesser skill. A temporary "fix" to the problem. She still wants to gut him but can't do it outside of work hours as he's employeed to BLU (costing her a contract). But did find him in a seedy city with the mother of his child, and casually reminded him of his deeds out of spite while in disguise. He apologized, but she refused to take it. She wasn't the victim. They parted ways after that and promised to never see each other again. 

Will actually hit Scout on the head. Hand open, palm ready. Right in the back of her head. Stupid American loudmouth...

Likes the Dead Ringer with the stock revolver a lot, and likes being active. Really good at acting like Pyro, its kinda scary. It's probably the sassy movements they mastered.

Third least shameful having no top on. Proven.

Has secret meetings with BLU Spy outside both base ranges. For some reason, even though the ritual of enemy teams Spy's meeting and exchanging whatever they have for whatever they need is long over they both still come out here. Probably to get away from the base and at least smoke in peace, or at least she hopes so.

-- BLU Team... (soon)

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

i was tagged for this by @peppermoonchild aaaages ago, thank you dear!

rules: choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

The Americans [Seasons 1-4]

The 100 [Seasons 1-3]

the first character you loved:

Cassian. Hands down. Just that first scene and I was sold.

Phillip? Or Elizabeth. I honestly don’t remember but it might have been Phillip.

... Clarke?

the character you never expected to love so much:

Bodhi. I thought he was just gonna be, y’know, a plot device, and by the third act I was like This is the most precious human I have ever laid eyes upon and you DARE take him from us???

Oleg. Oleg so much. I was so confused about why they brought him on and I was convinced I wasn’t going to give a damn about him, and now when Arkady ADRESSED HIM WITH Ты INSTEAD OF Вы AND SAID ‘Y O U ‘ R E   A   G O O D   S O N’  guys I honestly cried

Jacopo Sinclair. I did not see it coming but he and Raven were the sweetest thing. I live for these surrogate-father-child relationships (see above).

Or, the entire reply to this question in one gif:

the character you relate to the most:

movie!Jyn; AU!Cassian, for some reason

Elizabeth. Oleg is a close second though

Clarke on good days, Bellamy on not so good ones

the character you’d slap:

Saw Gerrera, so he would stop talking so weirdly?

Sometimes I want to slap Phillip, but mostly everyone who got my favourite girl killed (and that includes the writers)

Season Three Bellamy because wtff u doing

three favorite characters (in order of preference):

STOP ASKING ME THIS QUESTION I SHALL NOT CHOOSE

Nina Sergeyevna Krilova, Elizabeth Jennings, Oleg Igorovich Burov [Arkady Ivanovich, Paige Jennings, Phillip Jennings, Claudia...]

Clarke Griffin & Bellamy Blake tied for second place, and Raven on third because she’s awesome

a character you liked at first but don’t anymore:

nobody lived long enough for me to dislike them *hysterical laughter*

I don’t not like Stan, but I used to like him a lot more

Octavia Blake

three otps:

three guesses haha

Nina and Oleg

Clarke and Bellamy (as endgame, but I am glad there were others for Clarke)

favourite non-romantic relationship

Cassian Andor and K-2SO

Tie between Elizabeth and Young-Hee and Arkady and Oleg

The whole Delinquent group dynamic? Can I make that count?

tagging.... @movioletta, @shotgunkitten, @sleepykalena, @spacepandar and anyone else who wants to do this ^^

[terresdebrume]

2017: The take out.

I completed my first year in Cambodia, and started the second one. I started teaching French to really little kids which, even though I still have huge doubts about my abilities to do so efficiently, has been really cool so far. Highly stressful in many respects, but really cool. I met new people and succeeded in becoming pleasant acquaintances with them, if not friends (mostly my fault, let’s be honest). I visited new places. I went back to France and was surprised by a visit from my paternal grandfather (as well as my dad’s older brother + his wife and daughters). I got a new apartment, decorated it, got settled in it.

I lost friendships, mostly for stupid reasons, and subsequently discovered I could get along really well with people I didn’t know all that much before. I planned and then missed out on a weekend with elephants, and didn’t really go on vacations after, mostly through my own fault as well. I got a crush on a friend, told her about it (!) and then got over it when she wasn’t interested (as anyone should, really). I realized I wanted to be a guy. Was a guy. I’m still hovering between the two phrasings.

I told : Tumblr, my closest friend in all the world, a couple of other friends, my sister, my aunt and my mom about it, pretty much in that order. With mixed but never catastrophic responses. I bought myself a pair of binders. I tried them on and liked what I saw. I even went out with one on, once. I started seriously thinking about what transitioning would mean for me (and promptly have semi freakouts about it but, funnily enough, they’ve been fairly manageable so far). I wrote. I watched TV shows. I understood things about my own stories that I didn’t really get, or want to get, before. I got angry. I got hurt, physically and emotionally, but I recovered. I laughed. I cried, though only one of those time was the kind of ugly-choke crying I associate with really terrible mental state. I learned. I grew. I held on.

It was, in all honesty, not too bad at all.

It’s funny, how it feels, typing that. It wasn’t too bad at all. I don’t think I’ve eve thought back on a year and thought that. Not too bad at all. I think the closest I’ve come to before was ‘it could have been worse’ which, well. It usually means things could have been better, too. Things in 2017 could probably have been better, overall. I definitely feel like I’ve wasted too many hours on petty shit and the frustration linked to that, and there was this whole bit between August and October that didn’t really have the best mental landscape for me, but overall? I’ve had worse. I’ve had way worse. Probably, I will have worse again, but I don’t want to focus on that too much right now because, well. Like I said, it really wasn’t too bad. Which is pretty cool when the baseline I’m used to is ‘it sucked, but it could have sucked more’.

I have some regrets. Things I said that I shouldn’t have said, things I didn’t do that I could have done (even if, in some case, I’m not sure exactly what those things are, but I could probably have done them). I have doubts, too. I’m way less certain about the trans thing than I sound here. I’m not sure how it’ll go over with the rest of my family. I’m not sure how it’ll go over at my work, especially since I work with children, and I’m hoping it won’t come to that but I’m also bracing myself for having to change job/country at some point in the future. I still have trouble knowing what I want, and I’m navigating the guy think the same way I’ve navigated everything else in my life so far: going by what I don’t want. I don’t want people to tell me I don’t really want it (I wonder about it often enough). I don’t want to try and shove myself inside femininity again. I don’t want to wear dresses. I’m not opposed to wearing more feminine shirts and clothes, but they make people call me ma’am and I don’t particularly want that. I don’t want to stop changing until I have a definite answer, because I know myself well enough by now that I know it’s not going to happen anyway. I guess I want to keep going and see how it goes, whether the newfound optimism that came with that realization (in a way that it didn’t when I started identifying as a lesbian, btw) keeps strong or not.

I’m...not sure where I’m going with this post. I feel like there are so many things I left behind this year, things I never imagined I’d ever loose or even reduce. I thought I’d be an uncomfortable mess my whole life. That I’d keep feeling like a fraud everywhere I went and that I’d keep doubting myself and what I had to bring to the world. I still do that, occasionally. I’m not sure it’s ever entirely going to go away. But now...well, now I have a potential endgame in sight. I have something to look forward to that’s way, way better than a nebulous ‘maybe one day’ and that’s...actually pretty cool. I feel like I was dragging a mountain of shit behind me, trying to progress while tied down and now...well, I’m not flying yet but things feel so much easier now. So much more real.

I used to have these moments when I...wasn’t entirely in control of me. Like I was just a fixed axis, a soul frozen in immobility while my body and the rest of the world twisted and jumped and moved on around me. I used to have these moments where I could feel and not feel my body at the same time, like the information came from really far away. Like I was looking in the mirror and saw someone else’s face—like I was one of those characters trapped in a mirror, seeing my features and my body moving but it wasn’t quite me. I used to be resigned about my body being an independent entity I was never going to be fully able to control, like it had a particular desire for freedom and its own idea about what it should be, look, feel like. I haven’t felt like that since late October which is, incidentally, when I tentatively started thinking of myself as a guy.

It’s funny because it changed nothing. And yet, it changed everything.

I feel like I’ve been running a marathon for years and years and years, and I’m finally reaching the end. Well, maybe not the end, but a water booth or something. Like I’ve been trudging through an ocean of shit with my nose barely poking out and now I’m finally reaching the upward slope to shore. It’s going to be a slow one, and a long walk, but you know. There’s progress. There’s land on the horizon. It’s. I’m not sure how to describe this in a way that makes sense, really. Let’s just say I’m being very, very emotional in front of my laptop right now and for once, for freaking once, it’s a good thing. Man, what a change from all the time I ended up spilling pain and despair over here and crying from it. I love it.

Also. I don’t know how many people will bother to read this until the end because it’s not like I reach out to people a lot, so I’m not sure who will see this but. I do want to thank you guys. Like, all of you who read this, and all of the others who don’t but who are here, on Tumblr, every day, and who send a little heart-shaped nudge in my direction sometimes. I know everyone likes to say this website is a cesspit of shit but honestly Tumblr has been such a great place for me from the very first day, and I owe it all to you guys. Thank you for sending important information and dumb cat gifs my way. Thank you for sharing your stories, your art, your thoughts and making the end of hard days brighter. Thank you for laughing at my ridiculous post sometimes, and thank you for being supportive of who I am, always. There hasn’t been a single time this year where I got a negative response to what I said regarding myself and my life, and even the rebuttals I did deserve were always kind and pretty composed, which we all know take an awful lot of effort.

Thanks for giving me a place to vent, and learn, and escape when I need to. You’re pretty rad, and I don’t think this year would have been as good as it was without you.

Here’s to a 2018 with probably as much political bullshit as we saw this year, but always with a place we can go back to in order to feel better.

[humbli]

Watching Avengers: Endgame as a non-Marvel fan.

It was an almost unanimous decision: we were all going to the theatres, and we were going to watch Endgame. The seats had already been reserved, there were exactly 10 free ones in row G. I wasn’t going to be that person who whined about the movie choices while offering no other alternative; I was a strong proponent of democracy.

Endgame became the largest grossing movie of all time. It far surpassed all the other Avengers movies. As such, we can take some guesses as to who comprised the majority of the theatre goers: Long-time Marvel fans who’ve been going to the theatres for years, younger folk who joined the hype halfway through, after catching up via iTunes, and then the people who literally only watched the last movie. Me.

Admittedly, I have watched some Marvel movies in the past. I watched one in 2012, which might’ve been the first Avengers movie; all I remember is a bright blue tesseract that once again appeared in my linear algebra course six years later. I also think there was Age of Ultron, but that’s all I remember from it. I remember a Spider-Man movie that I saw around 2014. I also vaguely remember seeing a clip of beta Chris Evans in The Winter Soldier at a dinner luncheon. I also remember a super ripped Captain America curling two helicopters. The common theme with all these incidents was that I watched all these movies because everyone else watched them.

It was no different this time. Naturally, all my friends were Marvel fanatics. Many hours were spent with them in the lunchroom, trying to listen as they discussed Marvel lore, as they fawned over Tom Holland, or while they planned their next movie marathon. I remember trying to complete a New York Times cross word when I was stuck on a clue: “who was Spider-Man’s enemy?” After copy-pasting the question into our group chat, I was met with a slightly condescending “Spider-Man didn’t have a main enemy” followed by a list of names I’ve never heard of. I chose the only one with 11 letters: Green Goblin.

On the day we were supposed to watch the movie, I decided that the least I could do was conduct a little research. With all the attention and hype that Endgame was receiving, it was guaranteed that there would be an article graciously summarizing the entire franchise in a comfortable, succinct manner. After reading the plot for Iron-man, and half of the Hulk, I learned that there were 22 movies to catch up on before Endgame. I couldn’t do that do myself. I basically knew the plot to Infinity War through Internet memes, friends crying, and that one scene where Spider-Man disintegrates in Iron-Man’s arms. That would be enough. I was ready.

The theatre was packed when we walked in. The previews had started and it was hard to walk through the aisles to our seat. That was partially my fault; I was stuck behind a line waiting to use the drink dispenser and my friend only had one group ticket for the 10 of us. The seating arrangement was a little random. On my right was arguably the biggest Marvel fan that I’m friends with, on my left was the person who would constantly reference Ant-Man expanding in Thanos’ rectum in the months before. They were polar opposites, but I enjoyed having them on either side of me. It was perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

Growing up, I had always felt a little out of the loop because I wasn’t a Marvel fan. I never knew the stories, I’d decline going to the theatre to watch the latest movie. But all those experiences were trumped by that night. Fat Thor wasn’t a blip in his character arc, it was just cheap comedy. I thought Hawkeye and Black Widow were lovers (despite seeing Hawkeye with his family earlier in the movie). I was mildly excited to see Captain America catch Thor’s hammer in the final battle, but it wasn’t enough for me to join in on the whoops and cries of joy with the rest of the audience.

It took far too long for me to figure out that all those superheroes exiting from the glowing portals weren’t just part of a nice crossover, they were snapped out in the last movie. Cheers erupted again when Captain America whispered “assemble” as the final battle began as I just realized why Doctor Strange had such an entrance out of the portal.

The moment I really realized how emotionally disconnected I was – rather, how emotionally connected people were to the franchise was when the Big Man died. I didn’t think a snap would kill him. I didn’t even understand Iron-Man was dead until my right-hand friend started to wipe away her tears. I suddenly noticed how quiet the theatre became. I stopped eating my popcorn. The movie ended shortly after. I may not know much about the Marvel franchise, but I thought I had the upper hand when I told my friends, who were still glued to the seats even after the theatre lights came back, that there was no after-credit scene in this movie.

Avengers: Endgame was an objectively good movie. Even with 22 movies worth of backstory, a filthy casual like myself was able to enjoy the movie with my friends. Honestly, I probably won’t end up sticking around for phase four of Marvel, but that probably won’t be an issue when I have the entire world to bring me up to speed.

[justharuthings]

2019.

2019 was a year of firsts and lasts.

Looking back, I realized it is one of those years wherein I got to experience A LOT of things.

During the first few months of 2019, I was on my last stretch of my thesis. I was taking up Design 10 at that time. I swear, taking individual thesis is HARD. Maybe some of you prefer to work on their thesis alone to prevent conflicts between members, or to avoid having to argue with a member regarding ideas, or if ever some are not helping in the group. Well actually, I prefer that too, sometimes. But as an Architecture student, individual thesis is draining ㅡ physically, emotionally and financially (lol, ngl).

I cannot forget the day of our final defense. It was the most nerve-wracking experience for me because I have been always worrying about it because I am scared of speaking in front of others, but things happen …. and thesis, defended!

To be very honest, there were times wherein I want to give up, but I’m thankful for my friends. We kept on cheering and motivating each other that WE CAN finish this. I cannot forget those times wherein we were staying in our house, doing our thesis (which was actually during holy week) and suddenly, one of us were crying! Like, out of nowhere, she was crying, and we saw it and of course, we knew why, and we all started breaking down too, as well. How I miss those times...

We had our final defense on April 27 which was a Saturday and on the following day, April 28, I planned to meet my Inspirit friends to celebrate my defense and also to watch Avengers: Endgame. Luckily, a Sunggyu cup sleeve event is being held in Zoo Café at SM Megamall which is actually organized by one of our friends. So, we went there before and after watching Avengers. It was my first time attending a cup sleeve event here in the Philippines. I was actually wishing for more cup sleeve events, but little did I know that, that was the start… hahahahaha!

Then, months after, came our graduation day! I can say, it is the highlight of everyone’s college life. You walk up the stage, shake hands with your institute dean, and then receive your diploma. It was 5-years’ worth of tears, laughter ㅡ it was a roller-coaster of emotions.

Those past 5 years spent in college made me who I am today. I have learned how to be independent. I was staying in a dormitory since my first year of college until my last year. I learned how to budget my allowance well. Also, balancing my time between acads and fangirling. Hahaha!

5 years is indeed a long time, but I am happy to have met such amazing people throughout my entire stay. I will surely miss each and everyone of them, but I know, and I believe, that we will all be successful in our chosen field.

Moving on, I started looking for job weeks after graduation while, some of my friends went back to their provinces to have a vacation first. In my case, I only had around 2-3 weeks of rest? And I used that time to catch up with One Piece and all the other series I had to postpone watching because of my thesis. 

I swear, the waiting period after sending a resume to a company can make you go nuts. I mean, that is where your patience will be tested. I went to few interviews before I got in and started working around third week of August.

Before the end of the third quarter, I went to #UPALLNIGHTinManila. It was my first concert for this year, 2019. We were upgraded to Floor from Balcony Center. That night ended with a hi-touch event! We got to high five all the members and it was indeed a memorable night for me.

My second cup sleeve event for the year but, my first cup sleeve event for Day6! I actually thought I wouldn’t be able to attend this event because, Jae and my brother actually have the same birthday. So, I thought I’m spending the 15th of September at home but guess what? I made it to the event.

I literally spent that weekend celebrating birthdays. My brother’s birthday is actually on a Sunday, but we celebrated it the night before and after that, I went straight to my friend’s house to also celebrate hers. Good thing my friend’s house is actually just around Quezon City, so I was actually close to the venue.

Indeed, I had fun celebrating Jae’s birthday with my co-mydays! I wasn’t even expecting to be called in the raffle, but I went home with a Remember Us album! Hahaha! There were lots of freebies given on that day. We even met a new friend (finally, a sungjin stan haha), it was nice meeting new mutuals!

On to the last quarter of the year!

My first X1 cup sleeve event, but my third one for this year! I went to this event with Siege and my cousin, Ate Anne. The venue was actually crowded! Well, it was a small one, but there were lots of Oneits gathering inside so, it was jampacked. But it was a fun day! I met and made new friends in that event. But to our surprise, most of the attendees were still in senior high and college hahaha! I feel so old (lol).

Moving on, our squad planned a staycation on the last weekend of October. We rented out an Airbnb near SM North. We were lucky enough to find a beautiful one! It was like a hotel to be honest! Everything we can find inside is free! Even the coffee is from Starbucks and there is a French press available in the room. But the best part here was the large smart TV! We were playing MVs, reality shows non-stop!  

It was a tiring, but fun weekend spent with these people!

We were sleep deprived because of the intense round of Jenga! We actually stayed up till morning because of the game hahaha! The game itself was so intense but we were more focused because our biases are on the line.

Actually, we have planned this staycation way before an as far as I can remember, the only cup sleeve event we were supposed to attend was Yunseong’s, but I don’t know, this happened....

I thought I wouldn't be able to attend Seunghyub’s cup sleeve event because I have prior schedule at that time and I thought it already ended but as we were walking in the mall, we came across a café and I saw the TV was playing N.Flying music videos so I wondered why then I realized that the event is being held there!

On our last day of stay, we went out to attend Yunseong’s cup sleeve event happening on Flamingo Bloom at SM North. It was our first Woollimz cup sleeve event! Actually, this was the only event we were supposed to attend during our staycation, but we met a friend in the event and told us that there’s also an event happening at Lost Bread, still in SM North. It was an event for Eunsang and Wooseok. So, we went there after lunch then went back to Yunseong’s event.

An addition to my list of firsts this year, I attended a christening for the first time! It was Lyle’s christening. I actually went as a proxy to my cousin, Ate Anne, which was not around the country at the time. Ate JL was the first one in our circle of friends to have a baby and we were happy that we were invited. It was also our first time that our group meet in Cavite hahaha!

The four of us, together with Ate Dee, booked a place to stay for 3 days and 2 nights because we are actually going to have a reunion with our friend from Australia, Ate Nica! We spent the Friday night catching up while strolling around Araneta. On the following day, was DAY6’s concert.

#DAY6GRAVITYinMNL

I can say, this is one of the highlights of my 2019? My second concert for this year, and my second time seeing DAY6! I don’t know, but what I felt from that night seems surreal. It felt like I have become more closer to DAY6 ㅡ a step closer than before. It’s like my relationship with DAY6 grows deeper and deeper each year.

As expected in a Day6 concert, it always exceeds your expectation! It became an unforgettable night especially to PH MyDays because JAE CRIED.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22!”

To conclude, this year was indeed a year of firsts and lasts. 2019 taught me lot of things. I am thankful to everyone I have met throughout the year. I will surely cherish all those moments spent with the people close to me. I can't wait to see were 2020 takes me!

Thank you, next!