#The Wild Robot Triumph

[theomenmedia]

The Wild Robot And Megalopolis Opening Weekend Box Office Numbers Are Out

The box office verdict is in! "The Wild Robot" flies high with $35M, while "Megalopolis" struggles at $4M.

Link to the full story: https://www.theomenmedia.com/post/cinematic-showdown-the-wild-robot-triumphs-megalopolis-falters-at-the-box-office

[airplanned]

I really like the way you write romance stories and wanted to know if you had any books you would recommend. I just love the way you write character interactions and this is me checking the bookmarked tab of a favorited author.

oooooh! Okay! (I'm rubbing my hands together, because I love talking about my favorite books)

I don't read a lot of books that are specifically in the romance genre, but I read a lot where the romance is strong. There's just other stuff going on that is more crucial to the plot.

Howl's Moving Castle. My favorite book. It is not the same as the movie, so don't go in thinking it's going to be quiet, pacifist vibes, because it's not that. There's a lot of bickering and over-dramatics. It's so funny. Howl is my favorite fictional character of all time, and the way Sophie doesn't put up with his shit while knowing all the words to his rugby team's theme song is peek romance. Their banter is excellent, and their relationship is weirdly wholesome.

The Scholomache series, which starts with A Deadly Education. It's a magic school, but…more fucked up that you're expecting. Grumpy girl destined to be an evil sorceress and a himbo guy. Shit gets absolutely wild. There is no ethical consumption under capitalism. Love it.

Speaking of Naomi Novik, Uprooted has a similar relationship dynamic to Howl's Moving Castle. Also the Temeraire series, which starts with His Majesty's Dragon is very fun, although has next to no romance. It's the Napoleonic Wars but with dragons, and is both ridiculous and pointed.

The Scorpio Races. This is a really beautiful book about evil magic horses and loss and poverty and being stuck places. I love it.

A Far Wilder Magic. Holy shit, what did I read? Everyone else needs to read this too and confirm it exists. It's a Goddamned triumph.

Things without much romance, that I am going to recommend anyway:

Paper Menagerie (Devastating Short stories).

Orange World (Devastating short stories)

What it Means When a Man Falls from the Sky (Devastating Short Stories)

The Murderbot Diaries, which starts with All Systems Red (Most relatable character ever)

Project Hail Mary (wild fun ride. If you like how I do Zelda talking about Sheikah tech, this is for you.)

Sourdough (cute novel about a magic sourdough starter and a robot arm)

The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August (I think about this an unhealthy amount)

The Girl from Everywhere (girl's sea captain dad can time travel using old maps)

Iron Widow (Pacific Rim with more revenge)

The Last Tale of the Flower Bride (rich prose. Perfect balance of fairy tale logic.)

If you go read any of these, or if you've read any of these, feel free to drop me a line shrieking about them. I would love that. I have a lot more to say about all of them.

[pinkiepiebones]

The Wild Robot made me cry so much

Triumph of a movie

[thestarrystarpets]

Sierra and Starie's Wild Robot Movie Adventure

Sierra, a girl with glasses and a deep admiration for Scott from “Thunderbirds Are Go,” was thrilled when she heard about the new movie, “The Wild Robot,” playing at the Cinemark Boynton Beach 14 and XD1. She wore her favorite Sanrio T-shirt and black pants, feeling a mix of excitement and anticipation. Her loyal Starpet, Starie the cat, accompanied her, nestled comfortably in her arms.

On a sunny Saturday afternoon, Sierra and Starie arrived at the theater. The smell of popcorn and the buzz of excited chatter filled the air as they entered. Sierra carried a small Scott action figure in her bag, a constant companion on her adventures.

Sierra found her seat and settled in, with Starie curled up on her lap. The lights dimmed, and the movie began. “The Wild Robot” captivated her from the start with its stunning visuals and heartwarming story. She was especially happy about the adventures of Roz, the robot protagonist, who navigated the wild with bravery and intelligence. Sierra imagined Scott sitting next to her, enjoying the movie just as much as she was.

Throughout the film, Sierra felt a connection to Roz, who, like Scott, was brave and resourceful. She cheered during Roz’s triumphs and felt a pang of sadness during its struggles. Starie purred contentedly, sensing Sierra’s joy and excitement. By the end of the movie, Sierra was inspired and filled with a sense of adventure.

As she left the theater, she couldn’t help but think about how Scott would have loved the movie. Sierra decided to write a fan letter to the creators of “Thunderbirds Are Go,” sharing her experience and how much Scott’s character meant to her.

Walking out into the warm Florida evening, Sierra felt a renewed sense of excitement for the adventures that awaited her, both on screen and in her own life, with Starie by her side.

[i-gwarth]

8 shows to get to know me

Thank you for the tag, @ruiniel!

Code Geass: the only good and therefore the best anime😊I come back to this show every once in a while and it still holds up. It knows exactly what it is (campy melodrama with robots and politics) and it's gracefully ungraceful about it. The confidence with which this show sets fire to itself only to become what it was always meant to be is unparalleled.

The Expanse: found out about this show years before it started airing, from a list of "upcoming space opera shows", because I was desperate to see anything new in that genre. Out of all the shows on that list, it ran the longest. It's a sea-change in how sci-fi tv is made, and its influence will be as persistent and ubiquitous as that of Star Trek. You can already see it in shows that came out after it, like Halo, which mixed a good dollop of Expanse's themes into its boring space gunman setting and emerged much improved for it.

Chris Colorado: the Franco-Canadian dystopian post-apocalyptic sci-fi show that I and only I remember. Not the most coherent plot but a world and characters that blew me away as a kid and a soundtrack that fundamentally changed me as a person. Ars longa, vita brevis!

Fringe: I haven't seen this one in a while but the way it approached the often-trite and overdone mad scientist archetype stuck with me. Fringe has a lot of interesting takes on the role of science in helping the world, and the extent to which there things that would be best left unknown.

Samurai Jack: a colossal triumph of artistry and storytelling.

Carnival Row: this show was scientifically engineered in a lab and laser-targeted specifically for me. It for me. It has everything I love: he devastating collision between the fantastical and the mundane, the fundamental certainty that people are inescapably people, and the wonderful setting which openly and transparently parallels our own world to illustrate how those people are inevitably doomed to fuck up. Unless we get a Dishonored TV show (likes to charge reblogs to cast) this is as close as we're ever likely to get to "Preda: the TV show"

Rings of Power: listen - this is the "get to know me" list, not the "best shows" or the "favorites" list. And fundamental to my opinion of Tolkien's works is the belief that fanfiction is the future of any further adaptations of the legendarium. A remake of the LOTR/Hobbit films would be an inevitable flop, and an adaptation of the Silmarillion itself is unlikely to ever happen. But high-budget fanfiction that tries to stay true to the themes and spirit of the books while also adding on original elements or making minor changes to the setting or events? That's where the future lies. That's what Shadow of Mordor was, and that's also what Rings of Power is. I don't expect everyone to like it, but does happen to appeal to me in more ways than it irritates me.

Lovecraft Country: I read the book, then mere days later I heard it's getting adapted to TV and saw the cast. This show *also* changes a lot of the fundamental aspects of the source material while staying true to the themes and spirit, and I think it's a beautiful thing. The fact that my favorite character, Montrose, was played by the legendary Michael K Williams in one of his last roles before his death is something that makes me very emotional whenever I think about it.

Honorable mentions: The Terror and Chernobyl are sensational shows, Shadow and Bone made me excited to read the books and Foundation is #3 on the list of "very good adaptations that change a lot of details while staying true to the yadda yadda"; note that anything with Jared Harris in it will at least get me to take a look. The man is like a magic ingredient for making good TV.

tagging (only if they want to participate) @wild-hyacinths, @just-another-leaf-in-the-wind, @theotherwesley, @unfriends-forever and @whosamawhatsit

[little-paper-man]

Oh my god Roz getting one over the humans in chapter 2 of Odd Moments 😭🤣😂. You had me cracking up as she pouted, struggled, and triumphed against that guy who couldn’t think quick enough to stop the situation lol. The other Rozzums being so confused about her claws to unintentionally backing her up I’m crying 😭. Every word was perfect lol she won in the end. Roz loving dirt is now cannon 🤖.

Thanks for waiting! Wild robot consumed me too much and i forgot about urgent halloween stuff i had to do lol

That chapter was so fun to write! And when i get the chance I want to do a picture of Roz triumphantly covered in dirt to go with it ehehe

[0firstlast1]

A sad look at something sad; ...

| Questions and answers based on this image:

Q: Do you believe that after humans are replaced by automation and robotics they will be freed from slavery? A: No, I don't believe. In this splendid new world where advertising isn't journalism, for them to be freed from slavery, after the technological revolution triumphs, it will be necessary for the freed people to have access to what was previously known as money, so they can have access to products and services.

Q: What came first, a bacteria or a civilization? A: I think that a legal professional isn't necessary for me to answer this question without being sued and condemned.

Q: Do you consider yourself more important in life in society than a bacteria? A: I never wanted to have a hyena or a wild dog as a pet, if it were good to live in Africa, I wouldn't be here today.

Q: Would you have nostalgic conversations about Africa with an african? A: Sincerely? No. And what is shown on television in their supremacist propaganda only reinforces the emphasis on the use of No.

Q: Do you know of any electronic circuit where the metal has been replaced by bacteria? A: Your question is extremely unfortunate.

[willtheweaver]

Adventuring in robot

The contract was a simple one: defeat and capture a highwayman who had been terrorizing the mountain villages.

The trio of new adventurers spent the time to get to know each other. Marcus was a city stablehand who wanted a more exciting life. Devan grew up on stories of his families’ exploits and wanted to continue on the legacy of adventuring. And Aliya wanted to to satisfy her curiosity about the world, as well as to discover her past.

After several days, they reached the pass that the bandit liked to haunt. It didn’t take long for him to appear.

“Well, well… look what we have here.” The highwayman was clad in mossy green leathers, with a sword in his hand and a grin on his face.

“Is this the best those fools of a guild could do… three kids???” He chuckled. “Now be good and hand over all your valuables before I have to send you all back crying to your parents.”

The trio were not amused. They drew their own weapons. The bandit was no longer smiling.

“Fine then… if this is what you want.” He grunted. “I’ll teach you to not interfere in the affairs of your elders.” He then luged at the three.

The attack was so swift that the trio barely had enough time to react. Aliya and Devan dodged the blow whilst Marcus attempted to parry. The bandit was a skilled fighter, however. He deftly swerved so that his blow landed on the young adventurer.

Marcus was knocked out almost immediately. Aliya and Devan turned to see what had happened.

“Make sure he’s alright, I’ll deal with this brigand!” Aliya shouted. Devan did not object.

And so Aliya and the bandit went back and forth. Strike, block, strike, parry. The rhythm of battle went on. Eventually Aliya misjudged the bandit, and his blade made contact. It sounded like the sword hit wood.

Aliya looked at the perplexed bandit. His attack was a viscous one, but it didn’t hurt a bit.

“It that the best you’ve got?” She taunted. “Come on! Try and hurt me!”

The highwayman let out a wild roar before renewing his attack. But no matter how many strikes he landed, Aliya showed no signs of injury. Minutes passed. The bandit landed a particularly powerful blow. There was the sound of something being forcefully thrown, then Aliya falling to her knees.

But instead of triumph, the bandit had a look of bewilderment, mixed with a touch of fear.

Aliya didn’t have time to wonder what was going on. She rose to her feet and delivered a strike of her own. One blow to the head was all it took to render the bandit unconscious.

Aliya huffed from exhaustion. She turned to see if her companions were alright. Both Marcus and Deven were on their feet and were looking no worse for wear.

“Well, that wasn’t too bad.” Aliya exclaimed as she sheathed her sword. “Let’s tie this troublemaker up before he wakes, then hand him over to the authorities.”

Silence answered her. Aliya was perplexed.

“What? Why are you staring at me like that?”

“H-how are you not bleeding?” Deven stammered.

“How are you not dead??” Marcus added. “Your arm was taken clean off!”

Aliya looked surprised.“I lost my arm?” She turned back and forth, her eyes darting all the while.

“Oh, there it is!” She exclaimed.

There in the grass was Aliya’s right arm. She picked up the appendage and looked over it intensely. Satisfied, she proceeded to reattach it.

“Only pulled out…The joint is intact, and so is the ball and socket” she muttered to herself. “… just need to get it to fit correctly…ah there we have it!” There was a metallic click. Everything back in place, Aliya flexed her arm, making sure everything still worked.

She turned to her companions, and was shocked. Devan had fainted, and Marcus was on his knees muttering. His word were incoherent, but “Wooden arm” , “clockwork”, and “automaton” could be made out amidst the blabbering.

It was at that moment that Aliya realized that she was not human.

[whatsonmedia]

Film Friday: 5 Selected Films of This week!

The majority of individuals enjoy spending their free time watching movies. And it gets much more fascinating when it comes to intriguing genres like thrilling, action, and romantic drama. And this week's WhatsOn editorial Colin McIlwaine has come with reviews of interesting films to make your weekend worthwhile. 1. A Man Called Otto Tom Hanks gives his usual excellent performance as a grumpy and anti-social man. A man who turns out to have a good heart in this thought-provoking film. Otto initially appears as someone who is determined to keep everyone at a distance and even, to pick an argument at every available opportunity. The truth is that Otto has been deeply affected by the death of his wife. It is Marisol, the mother of the young family who has moved in beside him who finally manages to penetrate his defenses and bring out a softer and kinder side to him. As the film moves forward, we see a very different Otto and we are challenged to think about neighborly relationships and perhaps, the less attractive aspects of our own personalities https://youtu.be/eFYUX9l-m5I 2. M3GAN This was a film that I approached with a degree of curiosity, wondering how the story would pan out. M3GAN is a four-foot-tall, lifelike robotic doll, who begins as a child's toy and takes on the role of her "friend”. But who soon turns out to have a much more sinister and dangerous side to her personality? Cady, the child in question, has lost her parents in a car accident. And it is her aunt and now guardian who has created M3GAN. Fantasy and reality walk closely together in this film and we are constantly wondering when good will triumph over evil and when this creation that has gone badly wrong will get her comeuppance. https://youtu.be/BRb4U99OU80 3. I Wanna Dance With Somebody I had been looking forward for some time to seeing the Whitney Houston biopic. And it was certainly a great film. If at times harrowing and sad, I reflected on a life that ended far too soon and in such tragic circumstances. We first meet Whitney at an early age, as she grows up in the company of greatly talented artists such as Aretha Franklin, Dionne Warwick. Also including her own mother, Cissie. Whitney is influenced by her involvement in the Church and encouraged by family and friends to make good use of the singing talent which God has given to her. As she grows, we see her struggles with her own sexuality, the pressure of other people's expectations, and the demands of her rapidly burgeoning career. Marriage and motherhood seem to add to the pressures and at times. It is sad to watch this clearly very talented entertainer trying to cope with all that life throws at her. British actress Naomi Ackie captures her troubled personality and also her ability to captivate an audience with her beautiful voice. A film worth a watch and indeed, more than one. https://youtu.be/9tfemzaMkoU 4. RRR For someone who has become increasingly interested in films made on the Indian sub-continent, this one made for a fascinating few hours on New Year's Eve. Set in India in 1920, during the period of the British Raj, it is the fictional story of two revolutionary heroes and their adventures as they take on the might of the Empire. The film is at times quite explicitly violent. At the same time, extremely amusing, as we see people running faster than tigers, kick-flipping over motorcycles, and flying through the air. There is an enjoyable musical score and the prolonged dance sequence is particularly entertaining. The film is over three hours long and yet, it seemed to pass quickly. This is a film that is well worth a watch. Especially if someone wants to get away from reality for a little while. https://youtu.be/nXQVoJdDdBg 5. Wild Mountain Thyme I recently discovered this 2020 film on Netflix. Set in County Mayo in the Irish Republic (a lovely part of the world which I know well). It features Northern Ireland's own Jamie Dornan and British/American actress Emily Blunt as Anthony and Rosemary. They are an introverted pair in their thirties. And they live on neighboring farms and seem to be made for each other. But they always beat around the bush and try to avoid expressing what is really going on inside their hearts and minds. It is only when his wealthy American cousin, Chris attempts to get fresh with her that Anthony is forced to confront his true feelings for Rosemary. Also, his difficult relationship with his father, Tony. It is an interesting story, full of dry humor and a good exploration of human emotions and interaction. https://youtu.be/kadUgcIxODM Read the full article

[purplekoop]

I'm only just after the second major boss right now but like. hot damn do I love so much of what I've played so far.

(this spiraled into a half-review that doesn't have any real spoilers, and is only based on being 14 hours in, but there's the warning there I guess)

My only complaint of note so far (besides a cheap shot at the pop-in, which... yeah it's pretty silly but if it was between that or a likely otherwise inevitable performance hit I'm fine with what they settled on) is the traditional enclosed "cyber space" levels being less personally interesting than the open overworlds, but the fact that going through them more diligently or efficiently is for the sake of actual rewards makes it more appealing to give them attention I otherwise get too overwhelmed to care about in other Sonic games. Really my complaint is more just being baffled at people calling this "the good part" and wanting less of the open world aspect when I tend to either put them off or give them a begrudging "fiiiiiiine" to clear one in the moment.

On the note of that open world aspect (or "open zone" as the officially preferred term puts it), yeah it really does it for me. I think it's in part from me being apparently unusually receptive to Breath of the Wild's open world approach (a game which this game shamelessly draws cues from in a way that'd make Lost World blush), but also I think Sonic as a series just fundamentally lends itself to fitting an open-ended format better than a lot of others. If Sonic's historic issue has been not having enough space in levels to fill the fantasy of the character, and open worlds as a format have the issue of being too big to have fun navigating as a traditional slow character, then it kinda just feels like an obvious fit to me. That said, the open-ended but self-contained major areas hit the sweet spot of being just big enough to feel big but without feeling crushingly massive once you chart them out. You're never more than 20 seconds of running or rolling away from something to do, most often being a fun little sequence of platforms and objects to Sonic your way through. As goofy as it is these things pop in and out of view so constantly, they're almost always a delight to just pass through even if you've already found the reward at the end of any one in particular. the world is made of giant fidget toys, and pointfulness be damned. Some of these are far more involved extensive sequences putting a particular skill or level element to the test and have a more substantial reward at the end, and these have been some of the most satisfying things to triumph over thus far.

The other most common thing to find is an enemy, which despite the combat also being a sore spot for the general consensus, I welcome it being more interesting than 3D Sonic's standard quo of "press one button to turn this robot into a particle effect instantly." The full skill tree of "combo moves" is definitely superfluous, but parts of it allow for enemies to have more interesting ways of interacting with them, with repeat enemy encounters having the same brain-off novelty as retreading the floating platform segments. This is magnified of course for the overworld bosses: like in the newer 3D Zelda games, there's also a smattering of bigger enemies that litter the terrain that you can challenge at any time. Each one has a wildly different flow to how you engage with it, ranging from being a more formidable version of a standard enemy to being equal parts platforming sequence as they are combat, while others are borderline minigame-like or use established series mechanics in a new context. Once you match their unique dance, you tend to only have a window of opportunity to counterattack as much as you can, which is where optimizing that combo system is what turns a 3 or 4 cycle encounter into just 2 or 1, which is very satisfying to get down. Many of the bosses are also massive entities that tower in the landscape from afar or travel throughout it, making for spectacles that I find the need to remind myself are also things I'm supposed to go over and beat up at some point. But greater than enemies or overworld bosses are the major bosses. Also looming over each island after making enough story progress, even more massive and imposing than the minor bosses that look like buildings, these are comically cool encounters that, and I say this with as much love and respect as I can muster, feel right out of an early 2010's epic AMV, with the screaming metal tracks blaring and progressing as you 1v1 the appropriately-named Titans. The gameplay aspect is serviceable at worst, but I feel like that's a moot point compared just how utterly COOL they are.

And speaking of utterly cool: the story! And the writing! I knew going in that Ian Flynn brought his magic to the main series and god is it wondrous. It'd be disingenuous of me to totally deride the very low-stakes, low-lore, comedy-first angle that defined most of Sonic's 2010-2020 era, but it's a refreshing change of pace to see these characters, this world, and the established events within given such respect. The characterization is so good, not too serious to the point of absurdity, but a genuine take on these characters after what they're now willing to concretely admit has been tons of adventures. There's also a shocking amount of callbacks to the rest of the series, but in a way that feels natural and not like cheap fanservice. Again, it's respecting the world as a world and not just a "mess" to sweep under the rug. god I gotta read those comics...

There's a few more things I could go on about but this is borderline a full review for a game I'm not even half done with if some menus are to be believed. I'll probably save further thoughts for a "games I played in 2024!" post in January or something, but for now yeah I dunno I think at least I think this game is cool so if it's bad then shoot I guess I'm a Bad Game Enjoyer. if you've been here long enough then that shouldn't be surprising for at least one other instance.

Hey am I insane for liking Frontiers this much or is the internet just bad at having Sonic opinions again

[theomenmedia]

Internet Reacts To "The Wild Robot"

Dive into the heart of "The Wild Robot"! From tears to laughter, discover why this animated gem is capturing hearts worldwide.

Link to the full story: https://www.theomenmedia.com/post/the-wild-robot-a-cinematic-triumph-a-dive-into-the-audience-reactions

[onestepbackwards]

I’m on a bunch of different character kicks today, so excuse while I just-

Yandere Volo who sees you as a deity. At first he believed you were just chosen by Arceus, but you must have came here on your own! Arceus is beneath you!

He has to constantly stop himself from calling you ‘your grace.’ Or ‘my goddess.’

He just wants to worship you!

It’s even worse when he’s self aware.

His whole world is a lie, but you blessed him with your presence and attention, you’ve even called him pretty! Sure you said his smug aura mocks you, but he doesn’t mean to, your grace!

Even non aware npc notice a difference but it’s always quickly forgotten, and they are back to being robots.

Volo dreams and wishes to hold you, to kiss down your body and give all of his love and devotion.

He is so torn between wanting to gently love you, to seeing just how much he can make a deity cum. You must now how much he loves you! And what better way than giving pleasure?

He spent so long following a false god, please just let him show you true worship.

- Jes

I imagine that no matter what you say to this man, he will 100% believe you are the 'true' god, that triumphs over Arceus. You even give him special attention whenever he shows up to your vessel! Even when he follows this script his body seems tied to, he is always thinking of you instead. You have already proven to be the true god, not Arceus, yet he is forced into his role.

He hates it, and hates siccing Giratina on you. But he can't help it! He swears! Though when he gets to see just how far along your power through your vessel has progressed, he's awed and impressed. You started a team from the ground up, and managed to beat him, even when he went against the normal rules! Later, you even manage to capture Arceus, the pokemon he had been falsely worshiping, like it was just a fun challenge! You were amazing! He later dreams of seeing you, and meeting you. It starts off with normal 'what if' scenarios, but quickly spiral out of control as his obsession with you grows. It starts off innocent. He wonders what you would look like. Then how you would feel, and if you'd let him hug and hold you. It begins to spiral from there. How would you react to him kissing you? Biting your skin? Kissing your holy flesh? Would you let him kiss and mark your skin? Let him worship your body tenderly, like it deserves? Let him take his time with you, learning just what makes you whimper and sigh? How would you react to him begging to put his cock in you. Begging to please you. Would you let him bury himself to the hilt? His mind goes wild. He can't help but pump into his fist as he imagines the faces you might make, the noises you'd make. He cums in his hand as he thinks of burying his cock as deep as it would go, cumming deep inside you. You'd milk his cock, taking his seed with ease. His dick would twitch from the thought.

In his haze, he even wonders if you would let him breed you. The thought, even if it makes him feel slightly guilty, makes him incredibly excited. To let him mark you as his, making him your most loyal follower, and father of your children... His dick is already hard in his hand once more. If you ever end up in the game, expect him to follow you every where. You deserve the upmost protection. Maybe that way, he can get close to you, and show you he means it when he's your most devoted follower.

[earthstellar]

Transformers Deviations, aka “Hot Rod is Depressed”

I’ve been reading over some of the older IDW Transformers comics because I need them in the way land-dwelling mammals require oxygen 

And I dug up Transformers: Deviations, which, there’s a lot to go over here lmao

No really, like this story ends on such a fucked up note. 

So there are gonna be some panel screenshots etc. because I gotta talk about this shit! 

Strap in for another long post, let’s gooooo:

Basic Info on the Deviations Comics

The premise of the Deviations line was that IDW would publish a single issue what-if type story for various major franchises which they had the rights to, with each one covering a major scene or event and how it would have turned out if a critical action was or wasn’t taken. 

(I think I have the Ghostbusters: Deviations one as well, although I could be misremembering that lol) 

With the Transformers Deviations comic, the premise is “What If Optimus Prime Never Died?” In reference to the 80s movie (because I have to specify, because Optimus dies fairly frequently, lmao) 

But the way this is approached is extremely direct, quite possibly because there was really only one comic book’s worth of pages to tell this story lol 

In the Transformers issue, it focuses almost entirely on Hot Rod being the “action which changes” -- Essentially, what if Hot Rod didn’t interfere, and Optimus was able to destroy Megatron outright?

and I’m just gonna say now, I understand why this was the most obvious and easiest/quickest way to handle this “What If” concept, and I get that it was necessary because you can only go so deep in a single one-off issue and most readers (even those who aren’t major TF fans) would likely recognise the scene because it’s so iconic, so focusing on this scene makes a lot of sense in general 

but hooooooly shit does Hot Rod get trashed in this issue

so let’s start looking at this situation but fair warning if you vibe with Hot Rod/Rodimus this is probably going to be emotionally a little difficult because truly he gets obliterated in this issue

like this is not a joke, I literally mean that. that’s what happens. IT’S WILD

TF Deviations: How It Starts 

Right from the opening pages, we get these two panels to drop readers right into what the hell is going on: 

right away the emphasis has to be on the “one point which changes everything”, because this is the singular Deviation, so we just get this super straightforward “if Hot Rod didn’t fuck up, things would have gone THIS way” 

which, okay, yes. but also, jesus lmao something about how direct that is, is so wild. like “this space robot equivalent of a teenager got wrestled to the ground by his not-dad and as a result the God Pope of their people survived and triumphed over villainy” is, I mean, yeah... but damn lol 

again, I understand why this is being set up like this. but I mean, there were other factors involved; other elements were in play which led up to the fight between Optimus and Megatron going down at all, regardless of outcome. since this was intended to be more accessible to a broader readership, I get why they didn’t focus on any other minutia etc. that could have changed things, but this whole issue reads like “fuck Hot Rod specifically” and it’s BRUTAL lol 

I do appreciate the intense dad energy of Kup here, though. love a good space robot dad <3 sometimes you need to wrestle your space robot son into the fucking dirt so they don’t die, understandable tbh 

 TF Deviations: How It Goes 

So, immediately, Optimus takes out Megatron. Of course. 

But then, we see Kup, Hot Rod, and Ultra Magnus on board the Arc, with their deceased comrades lined up. 

Optimus says a few words, after which Hot Rod speaks up, and IMMEDIATELY gets fucked up by a still-grieving and frustrated Ultra Magnus: 

way to threaten a teenager with violence there, Mags, damn. it’s not like your frame type and armour class is multiple times more powerful than a LITERAL SPACE ROBOT TEENAGER 

of course, Magnus is upset and reasonably so, but it’s still rough to see Magnus taking out his grief/anger on Hot Rod like this-- it’s not a reasonable way to deal with the situation. 

which is obvious, and yes drama needs to happen lmao, but I mean I’m trained in safeguarding so like I read this and immediately think “intervention point” lol 

anyway, Optimus does sort of tell them to knock it off, although I feel like maybe that should have been a little more directed at Magnus than Hot Rod??? like okay it’s not great timing for Hot Rod to start making suggestions and that’s fair

but I mean Magnus is a fully grown adult, and as an adult and MILITARY OFFICER it might be worth asking him to not threaten teenagers, especially ones who are quite possibly under his command (assuming Hot Rod counts as a junior officer/soldier/etc.)? maybe talk to both of them a little bit separately after this, Optimus? IDK 

I feel like it’s clear that Hot Rod was at least trying to be helpful here and use his grief constructively, which I’m not sure warrants getting told off for, but maybe I’m just sensitive to this because safeguarding is something I do as part of my actual job and I have also very much seen interactions like this IRL go seriously poorly very quickly so it gets me in a very specific part of my brain lol 

I think it’s the fact that Magnus is clearly using his comparative stature to physically intimidate Hot Rod here, which is making me enter safeguarding mode so hard right away; like, look at how he’s leaned down and closing in on Hot Rod’s personal space in that second panel-- I don’t like that shit, Magnus!!! 

so full disclosure, I inherently Do Not Like seeing adults go off on younger characters like this, especially in a grieving sequence after said younger character just watched the leader of their team take out the leader of the other team at point blank range while being wrestled into the dirt by their not-dad while under some pretty serious stress. he’s a fucking teenager, this is traumatising shit, and he’s trying to be helpful. there are better ways to address him in this moment than threatening to beat his ass!!! 

like IDK why this is specifically making me enter safeguarding mode so hard but it super is, lmao Hot Rod’s a fucking teenager, Mags behaves like this then everyone always roasts Hot Rod for doing out of control shit in general, as if they themselves were ever under control so who’s the role model here!!! BUT ANYWAY 

Optimus, famously, is not so great with soft skills when it comes down to it lmao so the scene sort of ends there 

no wait actually Kup smacks Hot Rod across the back of the helm for blaspheming about the Matrix

like listen it was the late 80s/early 90s and we all got smacked by our parents so this is relatable to the intended reader demographic of “people who were kids in the 80s and had issues with Hot Rod and the death of Optimus in general” so okay, Kup is Robot Father, typically this is excellent and good 

but I mean lmao give Hot Rod like TEN SECONDS to recover from literally any of this, lmao. 

(also I mean I grew up with an Army dad and it’s hard for me to believe Kup would give a fuck about blaspheming about the Matrix because my dad always encouraged me to actively create new bad words LMAO but idk) 

and what an asshole line from Mags there, just like “fuck them kids we gotta go” like my guy! Magnus! leave Hot Rod the fuck alone! IDK it seems like a wholly unnecessarily aggressive response to me, and it’s rude to Kup, too. 

I have always felt like the Autobots desperately needed more soft skills / coping skills training as part of whatever boot camp / recruitment process they go through and this is absolutely proving me right once again lmao 

We’re Only On Page 9: Hot Rod’s Assignment

so Hot Rod and Magnus start to walk away, but Optimus-- god dammit-- informs Hot Rod he’ll be on Magnus’ team

AS IF HE WASN’T PRESENT FOR THIS WHOLE INTERACTION FIVE SECONDS AGO-- I already ranted about safeguarding I have to get through this post lmao but just let me say that this is not adequate!!!! don’t assign a lower ranked TEENAGER / YOUNG ADULT to a mission under the command of a superior officer who just threatened to get violent with them for trying to be helpful, it’s not constructive and actually is fucking concerning!!! 

I know it’s space robots lmao but my brain is just like this!!! 

Magnus continues to be super down on Hot Rod, but Optimus at least is like “you know, I was a dipshit teenager not so long ago, myself” lmao SIGH PLEASE MAKE A WELLBEING PLAN FOR YOUR TEAM, YOU ALL NEED IT SO BAD. I guess because Ratchet’s still dead in this comic, nobody is around to give a shit about team welfare??? this is bewildering to me but entirely on brand for Autobot bullshit???? 

So What Are The Decepticons Doing? 

Starscream is Starscreaming it up, and approaches Unicron with a proposal to do a bunch of evil shit for Unicron as long as Unicron gives him a frame upgrade

Unicron agrees but is already sick of Starscream’s shit so we’ll see how this goes lol 

You Ruined A Perfectly Good Boy: Hot Rod Vents to Daniel 

entirely predictably, Magnus’ little freak out makes Hot Rod feel like shit, which he expresses to a human child because again, Autobots have no wellbeing training whatsoever and obviously Hot Rod is feeling isolated and generally unwanted by his teammates (Optimus sending him away to go with Magnus almost certainly did not get interpreted positively by Hot Rod)

so he talks it out a little with Daniel, a literal human child, which also isn’t great but I mean Hot Rod is war forged so it’s not like he has any formative experiences other than getting shit dumped on him which he shouldn’t have to deal with, and combining that with how shitty he feels after all this, I mean, yeah 

Daniel deals with it like a champ, love this little dude <3 

also Hot Rod mentions having Matrix-proximity induced hallucinatory visions, which seems like it might be fucking significant! 

but Magnus, once again, is wildly out of hand in this issue and insinuates this is treasonous, rather than, you know, something probably fucking significant!!!! 

(I promise I usually like Ultra Magnus but he’s such an asshole in this issue, oh my god) 

like come on Mags, are you for real lmao 

anyway the ship gets hit with something, oh fuck, we’re under attack 

turns out it’s Megascream, which is basically just Starscream but with Megatron’s arm mounted cannon as applied via Unicron lol 

Hot Rod immediately makes some suggestions about how to evade Megascream’s attacks, but Magnus is once again a fucking asshole and straight up calls him an idiot twice in one page, like this is getting to the point where it’s bordering on straight up out of character shit lmao, I feel like Magnus would be a little more reasonable about this given the situation! damn 

but then Magnus gets fucked up and Hot Rod, after Perceptor points out the statistical probability of success (not great, not terrible), implements his plan anyway 

brief kinda sad interlude where Optimus and Kup are watching Magnus’ shuttle (which Hot Rod etc. are currently onboard of) starting to falter under enemy fire 

they jump, and evade death (for now), while Optimus’ squad ends up on Junkion for repairs and run into the Sharkticons / Quintessons 

meanwhile, the crew on board Magnus’ shuttle are fucked, and Springer dumps hard on Hot Rod even though you know I mean it’s not really Hot Rod’s fault that Megascream opened fire and nobody else had a plan but OK: 

jesus, Springer. 

anyway, Magnus states all the other escape pods are fucked, so he instructs Hot Rod to bail out with Daniel in the last remaining option to survive 

the shuttle crashes, and everyone dies except for Hot Rod and Daniel 

they have a short conversation before being picked up by Optimus’ crew, which is really sweet but also emotionally devastating because I mean holy shit Hot Rod is DEPRESSED and also Daniel is a good kid, aww 

but then I mean Hot Rod is fucking depressed so we get a wham line of depression before we get everyone together back on board Optimus’ ship 

Optimus I’m serious please you need to go to some trauma aware emotional sensitivity training or something, anything. nothing you are saying is going to be helpful to Hot Rod here, holy shit I’m trying very hard not to need to use certain content warning tags on this post but there is some dangerously negative ideation going on in the panel above

pretty sure Hot Rod is just internalising Optimus’ advice as “I’ll never be good because I can’t help but feel shitty and bad and Optimus Prime can deal with it because of course he can but I can’t” and that’s not fucking helpful for him right now, or kind of ever!!! the Autobots as a whole have just the worst track record with team wellbeing LMAO god dammit 

like yes what Optimus is saying here is understandable if someone is in a mindset in which this will be interpreted as intended, but Hot Rod is Not Okay in the moment and I get it, Optimus is busy here, shit is happening, but come on 

idk it’s so wild to me that Optimus Prime is a great mission oriented leader but nooooot very good at being a team oriented leader... when he’s depicted like this, at least, he just totally fails to comprehend that perhaps his team mates are not quite on the emotional endurability scale of a Prime like he is (as we know it has been heavily implied that the Matrix has the potential to impact a wielder’s expressive capacity etc. although that is not universal), and this is a very solid speech that might have been better received if had it been delivered to the right audience / at a more appropriate time 

but speaking to the equivalent of a teenager / young adult who is obviously seriously traumatised and developing some serious guilt and self-loathing after he just lost his teammates and closest peers in battle after being verbally lambasted literally all day is not the time to say shit that will inevitably be interpreted as “lol just don’t feel that way” LIKE, THAT’S NOT HELPFUL OPTIMUS 

Final Act: Megascream vs. Optimus, Goes About As Well As Expected 

so alright, finally Optimus is just like “I accept death, I must battle Megascream” and everyone is just like yeah alright there’s not really a better plan lol 

so Megascream kicks his ass, and Hot Rod shows up to beam Optimus over to Moonbase-Two for medical attention, stating the Matrix is calling to him 

Megascream kicks his ass now that Optimus’s ass is no longer around to kick

but he does indeed manage to open the Matrix...

..which releases a surge of power which destroys Megascream, Unicron, and Hot Rod himself. 

I’m not shitting you. 

The ending of this story is that Hot Rod, in a depressive state, claimed the Matrix in such a way that essentially made it a “nuclear option” and surged enough power through it to compromise Unicron’s frame, thus taking out Hot Rod along with Megascream. 

THE OBVIOUS IMPLICATION OF WHAT HOT ROD DID HERE, GIVEN HIS MENTAL STATE WHILE DOING IT, IS NOT GREAT. 

holy shit.

The Ending: What the Fuck is Wrong With the Autobots???? 

so, you remember how Magnus was so affected by the loss of their teammates on board the Arc that he flipped out on Hot Rod way harder than was ever necessary or appropriate? 

yeah, Optimus announces Hot Rod’s death / the end of the war to a crowd of smiling and cheering Autobots / Dinobots

somehow this doesn’t feel quiiiiiiite right to me, I mean, take a look:  

LISTEN, OKAY. 

I understand that the war ending is naturally going to be celebratory

and everyone is only just starting a long journey towards processing incalculable loss and trauma 

but it fucks with me that this is framed as a public celebration and that you can actually see Kup smiling after his not-son just fucking died???? in a self-sacrificial battle against esoteric cosmic evil????? with the Matrix????? 

what the fuck??? this whole story has been wildly hating on Hot Rod beyond what is probably considered reasonable and it’s so bizarrely intense how blatant it is, like IDK I feel like at least Kup would give a shit, and maybe that should be shown a little bit? 

I understand there’s only a certain number of pages/panels to work with in a single issue one-shot but I mean for real though, it’s not just me right? lmao jesus 

this story is so uncomfortable to read especially in the final couple of pages because the whole story comes across as so pointedly mean and the ending is just, like, a little too upbeat? a little too short? there’s definitely pacing weirdness here which I think is just attributable to a lot going on in a single issue comic story 

but really, so much time and space was dedicated to everyone shitting on Hot Rod, then a few action scenes, a couple pages with Megascream to set all of that up, and then the ending all happens within two pages as well 

so IDK maybe it’s just the fact that this all had to be crammed into a single issue which is the root cause of most of this seeming just ridiculously down on Hot Rod because if this were spaced out / contextualised a bit more, maybe expanded into a 4 issue mini-series or something, there would have been more of an opportunity to maybe flesh things out a bit and space things out a little more, which I think may have made it come across as slightly less “fuck Hot Rod” even if the same key scenes were still included

but I mean, it is what it is

and ultimately, the implication is that Hot Rod took himself out possibly intentionally while in a depressed state of mind, claiming the Matrix and saving Optimus in the process of doing so, and the reaction of literally everyone to this is to have a street party celebration 

that doesn’t feel super good! 

like, there are ways to hold public celebrations after serious incidents that are a little more tonally appropriate in consideration of the fact that literally millions of people have died in this conflict etc. and yes OK so they might be doing this on the fly immediately after Unicron was destroyed, event planning isn’t necessarily a priority lmao 

but still. especially after the mourning scene earlier in the same story, I get that the end of the war is absolutely something to celebrate but the vibe of this is so incredibly off to me 

like, the war came to an end because a young adult sacrificed themselves after being treated extremely poorly by at least half of the leading / commanding officers of his faction

and nobody feels like shit about that? a single panel or two couldn’t have been spared here for maybe, idk, a brief couple of lines with Kup, who effectively just lost his not-son as the final casualty of a centuries long war-- which is just so fucking painful and bitter, jesus 

but nope, he’s there in the street crowd, smiling! this is somewhat baffling to me! IDK like I really don’t know!!! 

this is a weird one, tonally. and in general, but the tone of this is WILD 

the fucking implications with Hot Rod and how that all goes down is potentially genuinely upsetting! 

BONUS: The Last Panel, Holy Shit 

what??? 

maybe you SHOULD question the ways of the Matrix you asshole LMAO, look at your life and the past several centuries of war! 

does this not inspire any level of spiritual reflection or any other reflection at all??? you’re the fucking Prime???? IDK I mean I know I keep saying that but I mean, this is such a weirdly confident and definitive statement for Optimus to make at this point 

for so many reasons, too. oh my god 

also, can we check out the fucking narration bubbles there? 

“the ultimate reward of eternal peace is bestowed upon those willing to stand against the forces of darkness” 

UHHHHHH 

NO WAY is this suggesting Hot Rod’s self-termination via Matrix power surge was totally fine and actually cosmically predetermined in this alternate universe specifically and therefore this warrants no further examination and it’s totally fine that a depressed teenager was obliterated at least in part due to self-loathing and an acceptance of death because evil was destroyed too so that’s all good ??? 

WHAT 

here are some fucking questions!

do we know if there may have been other options? was the power surge inevitable / predetermined (YIKES) or were there other possible actions which could have been taken (if Optimus had his shit together / if Hot Rod’s emotional state had been more stable would that maybe have registered differently with the Matrix or something etc.)

would Optimus have any insight, as a Matrix wielder, to at least partially determine what happened here (even though he didn’t witness it, he was present in the first half of the fight and might be able to give some kind of suggestions or brainstorm some possibilities)? 

was Hot Rod’s death strictly necessary? (it wasn’t in other universes!!! but in other universes he also wasn’t thoroughly miserable going into battle hating himself like this, once again, awful implications) 

are the Autobots not willing to review any of this shit because they all totally failed to address Hot Rod’s concerns or distress in any way and they know it and feel shitty about it and don’t want to ruin the good vibes of the end of the war?

is the end of the war such a deliriously positive occasion that they’re just shelving any kind of further investigation into wartime fuckery until they feel more stable as a post-war people, which would be the only remotely sort of okay reason for not at least asking at some point “hey what the fuck happened here”? ??? ? ? ? ? 

obviously, Hot Rod had been treated like shit this whole time, and we know the Matrix reacts to the wielder of the Matrix in somewhat esoteric ways... is it possible the Matrix released the energy surge because Hot Rod did not intend to survive, or no longer had a desire to do so (given his depressive statements earlier / throughout the story), and the Matrix responded in kind to achieve the shared goal of “destroying Unicron” in whatever it sensed the most effective and appropriate way would be-- how discerning is the Matrix? 

I have NO IDEA. the ending of this is so rushed, or at least, it feels like it to me? fair enough it’s a single issue story but yikes, this is a hell of a note to end it on???? 

In Summary: Now I Remember Why I Haven’t Re-Read This One Until Now, It’s Pretty Dark Actually and Not in a Fun Way 

I don’t know what the deal with this story is; There’s so much to pick apart here. 

Obviously, I don’t want to make anyone feel totally awful, so I didn’t get too much into the whole Hot Rod / Matrix / Destroying Unicron stuff in this comic because honestly that would require many content warnings and it’s Friday lmao, I don’t want to depress people just before the weekend 

eventually I might get into it in a future post (probably as part of the Hot Rod and the Matrix post I’ve been thinking about for a while which would also include other stuff to balance out all the depressing stuff) 

But I’d love to hear about other people’s takes on this one, because it’s just...

This story is one of the rare ones which is just sort of uncomfortable, mostly because it is so over the top in berating Hot Rod 

and it’s genuinely not great that they set up this horribly depressed mindset for him to have going into battle; we know the Matrix does (to some degree at least) interact with its wielder in certain ways which make the implication there very, VERY dark in this scenario and SIGH

anyway, I hope this wasn’t too overbearing, I really tried to avoid making it any more depressing than the actual story itself is! lol

gonna add some content warning tags just in case because... yikes 

also, in case it needs to be said for anyone out there, because this was a heavy story: 

if you are a young person (I’m middle aged so most of you probably count as this to me lmao) and any adults in your life have made you feel shitty like this, I want you to fully internalise and understand that it is not your fault-- it is a sign that the adults who made you feel shitty were not handling whatever the situation was appropriately, and this is on them and not on you.

there are ways to address problems or concerns with younger people that do not result in making someone/everyone feel fucking terrible, and more well-adjusted adults in the vast majority of situations can understand this and act accordingly.

if the adults in your life cannot act right, or if they don’t know how to address your concerns or the situation at hand whatever it may be, this is not your fault and doesn’t indicate anything about you personally or the situation in and of itself. 

it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, it doesn’t mean you are inherently “bad”, it doesn’t mean your problems are insurmountable or impossible to resolve, and if one adult or authority figure fails you, it is always worth remembering that you are not a failure or a fuck-up and you deserve real support-- and you can find that support from another more helpful or appropriate source, even from other peers if/when appropriate or possible, even when it can be extremely difficult to attempt to reach out after having received an unhelpful or even harmful response after initially trying to do so. 

everyone makes mistakes, everyone misses the mark sometimes, situations get shitty sometimes, bad things happen, and it can be easy to internalise negative experiences or interactions or situations in ways that are hard to sort through and deal with-- and it can feel really awful and bad and overwhelming, but it is not your fault. <3 

you are always, always, ALWAYS worth at the very least ten times more than what you think or feel you are worth at any given moment. even if authority figures or any adults in your life or respected community members or whoever else might not see it, you always have inherent worth, because you are a person, because you are you-- and you are valuable, even when things might get a little fucked up. 

tl;dr Hot Rod deserved better and a lot of us do, too; I realise this story might resonate with some people out there and I know that might not feel too good (let’s just say my own teenage years were not really a positive experience in most ways), so I just want to say I love y’all and nobody deserves to get berated like that, especially not by people you’re supposed to be able to trust or rely upon <3 

---

Huge thanks to anyone who read through all this! <3 I hope it wasn’t too upsetting, and I will pick a less depressing story to review next time!!!! <3 

[mamthew]

Hey! I had a few disagreements with certain plot points in forbidden west too… so I’m curious to know which ones you were against? (Clearly there’s gonna be spoilers discussed here so warning all!)

Yeah uhhhh major spoilers right off the bat, but

I was really bothered by Varl's death. Not so much that a character with that role would die at that time. It made sense in the story and I'd predicted it enough that I stopped and did most of the side content right before that point because I wanted to maintain that status quo as long as I could. But so much of the writing for both Horizon games seems to be trying to avoid outdated tropes and doing representation right, so the fact that they just...exactly reproduced the trope of the Black man dying early bothered me a lot. Like to a point where I'd say the decision to do that was racist - not intentionally, but certainly in practice. That single decision called many previous decisions into question, too. Like...did they only create Zo and add her to the group so there'd still be a Black character in the squad after Varl's death? I'd like to think not, but from a sorta utilitarian writing perspective, it's hard not to think that's her purpose. I'm going to be thinking for a very long time about how Varl's death unravels many decisions I'd originally appreciated. Also sorta on that note, but just like in Zero Dawn, only one trans character, hidden away in a missable sidequest? Come on, Guerilla. I'm also not a huge fan of the scene where Aloy destroys the Bulwark. Or rather, I'm not a fan of the framing of that scene. Destroying this important piece of Tenakth history and culture is bad, but it's not necessarily bad writing for the protagonist to do the wrong thing. Frozen Wilds had introduced the thread that Aloy's tendency to ignore tradition and culture and steamroll through them was a character flaw she would need to work on. Forbidden West mostly blunts that initial flaw, instead making Aloy just kinda skeptical of traditions, maybe sometimes manipulating them to get her way. That change was...fine, but the destruction of the Bulwark feels like it was made for an earlier version of the story where Aloy is much less accepting. As it is, the game frames that moment as a triumph. She's celebrated by NPCs for the rest of the game as the Wallbreaker, and that feels so wrong in a game about preservation and archives. Less glaring than the previous two, but I'm also not huge on the big final reveal that an angry hivemind is coming to destroy earth. Once I was given some time to think about it, I understood how that can be thematically interesting in the next game, but in the moment it was so quick and pulled the rug away on the victory the characters managed to win, and pushed the world's scale out too much and too quickly. The series has always had weirdly mass-effect vibes - redhead finds a device that lets her hear the words of a past civilization, telling her that a world-ending threat is on its way - but this game leaned too much into it. The hub area just feels like the normandy, and navigating dialogue trees with characters who have holograms on their temples so I can unlock their loyalty missions felt like I'd been pushed into the wrong game at times. Obviously, this plot isn't exclusive to mass effect - it much more closely follows the beats of, like, FFXIV Endwalker - but it feels weirdly stagnant for a franchise that's mostly so unique from others in its genre. I'm sure if I thought about it there'd be more. Ulvund being essentially a union leader and also the antagonist, for instance. But that's what comes to mind off the bat. I've heard folks have been mad about some of the sci-fi elements being too sci-fi, like Faro and the Zeniths still being alive, but I thought they were fun and didn't really strain my disbelief by all that much. I'm already buying into hard light and robot sauropods; it's not that much of a stretch to extend that to immortality.

[lilac-super-nova]

~ TRY AGAIN ~

DRAMIONE

WARNING: Character death! Swearing.

WORDS: 1.5K

A/N: Sorry, I changed it up a bit from the post I made about this fic the snippet of text. So, it's not exactly what I said it would be!

Hermione finally decided to go outside. The library was far too stuffy and there was a chattering group of third-year girls nearby. As she placed her book back on its shelf, Draco rounded the corner of the aisle and stopped at the sight of her standing there.

“Shit! Malfoy!” Hermione yelped quietly in surprise.

“Oh, finally,” he sneered, staring at her. “I was looking everywhere for you.”

“Of course you were! And I bet I know what you want to talk about,” Hermione whispered harshly, turning around to face Draco. “All you ever want to fucking talk about is us!”

Draco’s face registered hurt and then quickly switched back to his usual sneer. “So? You’re scared to talk about it at all,” he muttered, leaning forward so that Hermione could feel his hot breath on her cheek. “Are you scared of me, darling?”

He felt her body tense underneath him and he smiled. He tilted her chin upward and put his arm on the bookshelf behind her so that his body was practically touching hers, but not quite.

“Draco!” she gasped.”Not here!”

“Hmmm… perhaps an empty classroom?” he suggested.

Hermione tried to object but then she realized there was no point and settled for a look of pure hatred instead.

She followed him to an empty classroom and closed and locked the door behind her.

“I think we could try again. Please trust me. It’s okay, don’t worry,” Draco assured her as he sat her down on top of the teacher’s desk.

“Draco, I really don’t know,” Hermione mumbled, closing her eyes and taking Draco’s hand in hers.

“Please, darling? For me?” Draco pleaded with her, squeezing her hand tightly.

Even though she enjoyed watching him beg with her, she reluctantly sighed and nodded her head. Draco smiled and felt grateful for the opportunity. He knew he only had one chance and he had to be careful.

Draco placed a hand on her waist and leaned forward so that their lips almost met, but he paused, thinking of how lucky he was to have this opportunity and how beautiful Hermione was at that moment. He slowly breathed in and then tilted his face forward so that his li-

Hermione pulled away, hopped off of the desk, and landed with a dull thud as Draco tried to comprehend what had just happened. She had just been sitting in front of him, lips awaiting his touch, or so he had thought. Now, she seemed to be a completely different person, fierce and fiery beneath his gaze.

“Draco… I really can’t do this,” Hermione began regretfully. “You’re a good person, but I really don’t think this is going to work out. I’m so sorry, Draco.”

The realization and fact of what was going on hit Draco like a huge bullet, his heart dropping immediately and his mind drowning in despair. No, no, no, no, this couldn’t be happening! What had he done to earn this? He had been careful and slow. Was he too slow!? What ha-

“This isn’t your fault,” Hermione assured him, reading his mind. “It just doesn’t feel right to me. Do you understand?”

“Y-yes,” Draco choked out quietly, stuttering in his confusion. “I understand.”

Hermione nodded. “I wish you well. Goodbye.”

And with that she walked out, gently closing the door behind her. Leaving him with his head down, wallowing in his misery, feeling as if he had failed. Drowning in his fears, mistakes, and insecurities.

***

The next day, Draco was walking down the hall on his way to potions class and he saw Harry, Hermione, and Ron standing with the rest of the Gryffindors, waiting for the class to start. The ease she talked to them with made him feel a deep pang of jealousy and longing. She had never talked to him like that.

Professor Snape opened the door to the dungeon and all of the students filed into the classroom, sat down, and awaited instructions. Today, Draco found a table with just Pansy and slumped onto a chair.

“Where the fuck were you yesterday?” she asked, setting her bag down on the empty seat next to her. “Crabbe and Goyle are in the hospital wing, they fell down a whole entire flight of stairs. I don’t really understand how that’s possible though,” Pansy said, noticing that he had looked around.

She smirked and had a slight air of triumph. Draco wondered if she had pushed them so that she could sit with him alone. He didn’t understand how she could be so obsessed with him when Hermione Granger had turned him down twice. When he couldn’t even gain the love of a mudblood.

Shit. “I was busy doing some studying in the library… for… uh… an extra credit essay for Snape! And it took quite a long time, I couldn’t figure out a specific thing about... unicorn blood.” He pieced together. He couldn’t tell her about what happened with Hermione, she would humiliate him for loving a muggle-born.

“Oh, well, you could’ve told me. I would’ve gladly helped you with your essay, you know,” Pansy said with a sly smile.

Draco began to feel uncomfortable and there was an awkward silence.

“I’m so sorry, I just didn’t think of it at the time. Next time something like that comes up I’ll let you know, okay?” He brought his hand up to his neck and rubbed it.

Pansy simply nodded, a little disappointed. He felt like he was failing everyone in that sense. How could he satisfy the love Pansy had for him and his own need for love from a person he could never quite capture at the same time?

At the end of the class, Draco quickly made his way to the door and hurried down the hall and up to the Great Hall to eat lunch. The entrance was filled with people and Draco let out a small groan when he realized that he had come at the worst time.

As he finally made his way to the Slytherin table he noticed Potter stare at him with a mix of hatred, confusion, and pity and Draco knew that Hermione had told him about what had happened.

He chose to sit at the far end of the table, away from his friends, and waited. When the food appeared he ate only a few things and no dessert at all. He noticed that some of the other Slytherins were looking at him and whispering to each other. Draco sighed. They were talking about him, of course.

When he got up with everyone else to leave and go to their next classes, he heard snippets of conversations including his name.

“Look! It’s him, Draco Malfoy. What a fuck up. Did you hear that he’s failing all of his classes?”

“--and that he’s starving himself! Do you know why?”

“Ha! He got turned down by a muggle-born! Ya’ know, the nerd?”

His cheeks glowed red as he ran, not to his next class, but to his Slytherin dorm room. He felt like he was going to cry and soon enough, his vision was getting blurry.

He threw open the door and dragged himself over to his bed where he collapsed onto the soft sheets. There he let all of his tears out until he was done and simply lying face down on his covers, barely able to breathe through the thick fabric.

The thoughts racing through his head were tangled in each other as he tried to make sense of his feelings and compose himself. Soon enough, he knew what he must do and it made his heart go wild. He had been expecting this for a while and he finally had the courage to do it.

Draco got up and robotically walked himself over to his trunk. There, he tied almost all of his clothing into one long rope and stood at the wall, waiting. He got out his wand, and under his breath, mumbled a simple spell. When he looked up, he noticed a hook protruding from the wall a foot above him. It was next to his bed so that if he got on it he would be able to touch it with the top of his head. The perfect height.

Without thinking, Draco worked the rope of clothing and created a noose that looked like it would fit perfectly. He did this by hand. He adjusted this on the hook and made sure it was very tight and would not give way. After that, Draco got up on the bed, positioned himself, and put it on while simultaneously tightening it.

***

The thorny roses stood on that bedside table, never wilting or dying, never needing to have their water changed. The thing is, they had never been magically altered in any way and were practically perfect. The pure crimson red of their beautiful petals. The neatly sculpted thorns, sharp as a needle. The long and delicate, but strong stems, as healthy as they had been exactly a year ago. Nobody touched them or bothered them in any way because they were a monument. Some people said if you get that bed, you would end up dying that year, some said it was good luck.

Many people mourned this tragic death, but none as much as Hermione Granger.

[groovesnjams]

“Luv Attack” by Lou Christie

DV:

At 79 years, problematic fave Lou Christie is one of the oldest artists we’ve covered in a while; lemme try to contextualize him a bit. Christie’s one of rock ‘n’ roll’s great also-rans: remembered for 1966′s “Lightnin’ Strikes” and maybe for 1962′s “Two Faces Have I” too, if he’s lucky. But the fact is that his falsetto was always much more precisely deployed, and to greater effect, than Frankie Valli’s much more famous one. That Christie’s production for girl group The Tammys is still genuinely wild 60 years later, and inhabits an alternate dimension from contemporaries like Phil Spector. And most of all, that Paint America Love, his attempt at creating a massive artistic statement about America And Its Problems like SMiLE or What’s Goin On, was an artistic triumph despite being a commercial flop. It’s a mournful, impressionistic, ecology-focused record that also makes time for an upbeat bop about chuck wagons (traveling frontier kitchens) in between impassioned calls for peace and melodramatic character studies. The record is wildly ambitious, filled with bangers, and so deeply idiosyncratic that there’s no mystery why it wasn’t a success. Christie retrenched to country music for a while, and as far as I can tell has spent the past few decades sporadically releasing lounge-style covers of oldies (his “Heart of Saturday Night” looks like fun.)

“Luv Attack” is free-floating; it might be his first new song in years, but it’s not even mentioned on Christie’s Geocities-core website (which isn’t dead - it lists 2022 tour dates!) Whatever the song’s provenance, it is inexplicable, which is what makes it feel so much like a Lou Christie production. The verses and the beat are pure 60s pastiche, but the hook? It’s like someone gave Christie the barest explanation of how pitch-shifting works, told him to listen to “Believe” for inspiration, and then left him to figure it out from there. Let me put this another way: I was absolutely sure that hyperpop had died with a stake through its heart when RuPaul released a soulless cash-in last month, but Lou Christie warbling “I’ve got a luv attack/ Shoop shoop!!” like he’s a futuristic robot contains exactly the kind of unhinged glee that could singlehandedly resurrect the genre. Because “Luv Attack” is so close to being a simple nostalgia play, a basic 60s revival song to change things up in an oldies-filled setlist, the way Christie drops this alien processing into the mix feels as sharp and strange and thrilling as anything he did in the 60s.

Who is "Luv Attack” for? Not the boomers that still mostly think of autotune as cheating, certainly. And not the youths who will never hear it, much less drop it into the nightcore sets where it clearly belongs, either. On some level the problem is - as it’s almost always been - that he’s Lou Christie: never quite in step with the trends, not nearly as appreciated as he should be. By the time this posts, “Luv Attack” may have broken 1K on YouTube, and that’s only if you count all three of the versions uploaded. Which is unfortunate, because it deserves to be remixed and played out at the highest possible volume in some tiny sweaty club I’m not cool enough to know about.

MG:

You know how cellphone cameras now have a “beauty” filter as the default setting? Listening to “Luv Attack,” I wonder if whatever software Lou Christie used to record this song came with autotune as a permanent solution to having to hear one’s own voice in panoramic stereo surround sound. Because most pictures are selfies, I kind of like the filter as a clumsy fix for lens distortion. Your nose isn’t really that big, but alas, neither is your skin so smooth! It’s a Rorschach test and your face every time you flip to front-facing. I can’t hear autotune in most songs. I can hear it here, but only at the end of the song when it becomes sort of gritty and mechanical, like a robot doused in water on the verge of a short. It’s a brilliant final note to “Luv Attack,” an obvious monster. What is the difference between our self-composed, auto-edited, compulsively reproduced portraits and Lou Christie’s debased, disguised, and untethered pop mania? Nothing, friends. Christie might be cheating his falsetto a bit, but when you’re beautiful, the computer only makes you more beautiful and 84 years did nothing to dull the immediate, thrilling beauty of “Luv Attack.”