#The Tylenol kept me from saving the world!

[spoonylupin]

My Positive Hysterectomy Story

I feel it's time to share a very truncated version of my story to help end the stigma around hysterectomies and help others come to the decision that's best for them if they find themselves in a situation like mine.  Long story short (too late), this picture is very true - my uterus tried to kill me.  I'll spare you the gory details, but I had (noncancerous) uterine fibroids very badly which had made me severely anemic.  Three of my friends (and also my guardian angels) hadn't heard from me in several days, so out of concern, they checked on me, almost kicked down my door in the process, and called an ambulance.  The emergency room doctor told me I probably would have been dead within twelve hours if they hadn't.  Yes, I almost died and surely would have if I didn't have the most amazing friends in the world.

Anyway, those were the first words my surgeon said to me when she broached the idea of a hysterectomy: "Your uterus is trying to kill you."  Then she asked me, "Do you want children going forward?"  Without hesitation, I told her no (never have, never will), to which she replied, "Considering that and the fact that you almost died, I would recommend a hysterectomy."  I said, "Yes, please get this blasted organ out of me!"  In less than two weeks, I was being wheeled into surgery for an emergency and total abdominal hysterectomy (leaving my ovaries in place so I wouldn't be thrown into menopause), because they became too concerned to send me home with the complications I was developing.

Today is forty days post-surgery (holy shit, has it been that long already?) and let me tell you, it is one of the best decisions I've made for myself.  I don't have to worry about almost dying again.  I don't have to worry about the fibroids recurring if they simply removed them.  I don't have to plan my life around my periods. Yes, they had gotten that bad.  (Like, "My period's coming.  Do I have enough food and supplies for two weeks?" or "I can't make these plans for the end of next month, because I'll be on my period.") 

The healing has been surprisingly smooth, and the pain was nowhere as bad as I imagined.  I was hardly in pain after surgery, because they kept me pretty well medicated, then I was off oxycodone within four days, and off Tylenol and ibuprofen within ten days. The extreme exhaustion has passed, my appetite and bowels are back to normal, and I'm getting stronger every day.  I'm still a little sore and tender, but only when I stretch too much or twist in certain directions. Other than that, I forget it still might hurt, and I feel glorious. I feel better than I have in months. Actually, I feel better (and freer) than I have in a year and a half when my periods started getting out of control. My doctor said I'm a super fast healer, and I've been discharged from her care already (but she still wants me to follow up with a gynecologist every year to monitor it). Another friend of mine who had a hysterectomy years ago told me I'd feel like a new woman afterwards, and I definitely do. Ready to take on whatever comes next without worrying about when my uterus is going to try to kill me again!

Also, if you're worried about a friend or family member, please check on them.  It might take a few minutes or hours of your time, but you may end up saving a life in the process.  Mine did.  Someone still wanted me around.  I'm going to assume it's so I can write more stories for my lovely readers, so that's what I'm going to do.  My stories weren't over yet. ❤️

If you have any questions about my experience, my ask box is always open. I'll try to answer what I can!

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Sommelier (Hannigram x Female!Reader) pt. 7

Y/n meets her savior and officially joins the investigation. 

@deadman-inc-bikeshop @viviace and @dovahdokren here you go. If you want to be on the tag list, send me a DM. 

Trigger warnings: dissociation, implied sex abuse/trafficking, discussions of death, drugs

It was only when the man left your line of sight that your senses started to return. And even then, you felt like you were on a separate plane of existence from everything happening around you. You were floating, completely numb to your surroundings, letting the world push you wherever it needed you to be.

You weren't entirely sure how you made it from the dumpsters to the FBI headquarters, but there you were.

You listened in on the conversation happening in the other room. From what you could tell, the man who saved you was arguing with his boss.

"Because if there's so much as a Tylenol in her system, you're going to pass it off to the DEA." The man said, his voice soft but firm. This wasn't the first time they had this argument and it showed.

"Will, it is not my fault that the DEA gets preferential treatment." The boss sounded exhausted. "We have a better chance of catching this man with their resources. And we can't turn a blind eye to how substances affect human behavior. I thought you of all people would accept this."

"What if there's nothing in her system?" The man posited. "Then all we have to work with is our own resources. Would that be so bad?"

"Look," the boss said, clearly trying to diffuse the situation. "We can't determine anything until forensics gets lab results back tomorrow. For now, see what you can find out from the waitress. She was able to keep her talking, maybe we can find out about what."

The man resignedly left the room and made his way to you. You glanced around the hallway, hoping he wouldn't notice that you've been eavesdropping.

He sat on the opposite end of the bench. You pulled the security blanket from the ambulance tighter around your shoulders.

"I know this is such a stupid, insensitive thing to ask," the man broke the silence. "But are you okay?"

"If it makes you feel any better," you sighed and dropped your shoulders. "I wasn't really okay to begin with."

"Yeah." The man agreed. "It doesn't matter how much you break something, it's still broken. Broken is a... Boolean value."

"It's just that.." You clutched the receipt between your fingers. "Just as I thought things were starting to improve, the universe sends me a cultist strapped to a bomb. I'm never going to recover from this."

"I don't think anyone expects you to." He said. "My name's Will, by the way."

"[F/N]." You said, just for formality's sake. He already knew your name. "I don't think I ever properly thanked you for saving my life."

"Don't worry about it." Will smiled weakly. "If you think you can, though, it would be innumerably helpful if you told us what happened."

You knew you weren't in a position to be asking for favors, but you were desperate. "Could I maybe stay with you for a while?"

Will hovered his hand over yours as if asking for permission. You took it, perhaps a little too eagerly.

"I'll stay with you as long as you want."

Will's presence made it easier to tell the man, whom you learned was the head of the Behavioral Science Unit of the FBI, everything that progressed that night.

"And then she started chanting that one bible verse about the martyrs inheriting the kingdom of heaven." You finished. "That was when Will shot her in the leg."

The director, whose name you learned was Jack Crawford, took a moment to ponder the information. You felt like a child that had been sent to the principal's office.

"Do you have any reason to believe that the woman was under the influence of any drugs? Alcohol?" Jack asked, resting his hands on the desk.

"Not with any certainty, no. I didn't see her ingest anything." You shook your head. "If she was under any influence at all, it was probably against her will."

"What makes you say that?" Jack cocked his head. "In your own time, of course."

"She was..." you glanced at Will, just to remind yourself that he was there. "Scared. Nothing she said had any conviction behind it. It was like she was a hostage being forced to read a fake suicide letter."

"What about these 'cult names' you mentioned?" Jack said. "What significance do you think they have?"

"She kept referring to Chase as 'vanguard'." You began.

"That's what Keith Raniere called himself." Jack interrupted. "Keith Raniere was the head of a sex trafficking cult."

"And the only reason I know that is because I listen to a lot of podcasts." You felt the need to explain. "I'm not sure how Mulvaney decided it would be a fitting title. Maybe he identified with Raniere."

"Did the woman call herself something, too?" Jack leaned in.

"Funny you should mention that," You forced a laugh. "Because she referred to herself as an 'unwoman'."

"That is interesting." Jack brought his hand to his temple, perhaps trying to convince you that he knew what ‘unwoman’ meant.

"He probably thinks Handmaid's Tale is some kind of instruction manual." You said, emphasizing the title of the work. 

“Handmaid’s Tale!” Jack exclaimed, suddenly understanding. "So, are you thinking maybe he's running a breeding cult?"

“Like a borrasca.” You turned to Will, hoping that maybe he would understand what that meant.

As if on cue, a woman in a lab coat burst into the room. 

“Dr. Katz,” Jack announced, taken aback by her urgency. “Welcome.” 

“Jack, you’re going to want to see this.” Dr. Katz said simply. 

Jack stood up from his seat. “Excuse me, Ms. [L/N], Will. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” 

Again, you were alone with Will. 

“I’m...” Will broke the silence, pausing to find the right words. “Jack isn’t as scary as he looks. He just has a habit of asking too much of people. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but you’re perfectly within your rights to tell him to back off.” 

You shook your head. “That wouldn’t feel right.”

“Tell me about it.” Will muttered and leaned back in his chair. “It does seem pretty out of character for him to want to drop the whole case on the DEA, but he does have a point about their resources. You can’t argue with money.” 

“No.” You agreed. “You can’t.” 

Will sighed. “I’m sorry. The last thing you probably want to hear about is FBI in-fighting after almost being killed twice in a two-week period.”

“It doesn’t really inspire confidence, no.” You said. 

“Let’s talk about something else.” He offered. “Do you like... fishing?” 

You laughed at his strange attempt at making conversation, but answered honestly. “I used to go fishing with my grandpa when I was a kid.” 

Realizing he’d tapped into a happy memory, Will decided to follow it. “Where did he take you?” 

“My grandparents had this lake house up in Michigan.” You reminisced. “On this dinky little manmade lake where all the rich boomers took their spoiled grandkids for the summer.” 

“Did you ever catch anything?” He shared a little smile.

You realized that he was doing the same thing to you that you did to the unwoman. He was trying to keep you talking to avoid, or at least prolong, some catastrophic event. But he was doing it for your sake. You appreciated that. 

“We pulled up a ton of bluegills, some walleyes, occasionally a bass.” You listed. “One time he and his brother-in-law settled a dispute by seeing who could catch a catfish first. They were outside all day.” 

“Did he ever take you downstate to go fishing on Lake Erie?” 

You stared vacantly ahead. “He wanted to.” 

Will lowered his head in respect. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It was, like, fourteen years ago.” You admitted. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“Still,” Will shrugged. “Grief takes a lot out of you. I’m sorry for bringing it up, I had no idea.”

“At this point, most avenues in my life end in death. It’s not your fault.” You smiled at him. “Thanks for trying, though.” 

You settled into another prolonged but comfortable silence. 

“I think Jack is going to arrange to get you into some kind of protective custody, by the way.” He said, shifting his body to face you. “And I don’t think he’s going to give you a choice now that he knows Chase is targeting you, specifically.” 

“Yeah, I was thinking about that.” You answered. “I think they’re probably going to insist I quit my job, too.” 

“You sound disappointed.” Will nodded. “You’ve grown to like that job, huh?” 

“I was good at it.” You admitted. “My boss was gunning for me to take over when he retired. I had big plans for that place. I know waitressing is supposed to be a job that’s ‘just a job’ but--” 

“You had ambition.” Will finished. “You were making an investment for your future.” 

For the first time in a while, you felt heard. “Right.” 

“If you would permit me to say,” Will stood up and walked towards Jack’s desk. “I think you would be an invaluable asset to this investigation.” 

You leaned on the armrest. “I don’t know, Will. I feel like I would just get in the way.” 

“But the sooner we catch this sick fuck, the sooner you can get back to your restaurant.” He said, grabbing a post-it note. He gestured to you with a pen. “And I will do everything in my power to get you back to that restaurant.”

“Why?” You asked. “I’m just a waitress.” 

“Your profile of Chase Mulvaney in your TattleCrime interview was a work of genius.” Will took off his glasses. “And it was incendiary enough to make him come back for you. It wasn’t just a cocaine-fueled bout of murderous hysterics. He remembered you. Now, throughout this investigation, Jack has been ignoring me. But maybe he’ll listen to you.” 

“And if he doesn’t?” You raised an eyebrow. “What then?” 

Will sighed and leaned back on the desk. “Then I do it myself.” 

“Fuck it.” You said, the complete contents of your soul behind those two little words. If he was going to raise the stakes, by god you were going to match him. “I don’t have much else to live for, so might as well die for something.” 

“That’s the spirit.” Will agreed. 

[equestrianwritingsstuff]

That last bthb piece you wrote was just *chef's kiss* perfection, magnifique, I want more!!!

Thank you for the ask, I am so glad you liked it!

One Month Part 2

Part 1

Warnings: jealousy, forced sedation mention, fear of being drugged, pills (tylenol), low-grade fever, angry character, being kicked out, wound imagery, broken bones, infection

~

Hero paced as he waited for Supervillain to wake up again. He was mad, angry, even to the point of ferocity. That sick, slimey bastard had been captivating his girlfriend's attention for days. Not that he consciously did it, and that was the reason Hero inwardly chastised himself for those inappropriate feelings. It wasn't Supervillain's fault, but someone had to take the blame.

So he waited impatiently for the supervillain's eyes to open, so he would be conscious of the way he was changing Civilian. Not that they were major changes, or changes in appearance or personality- she was still breathtakingly gorgeous and so full of love and compassion, deeply imbedded in that grouchy attitude. In all honesty the only way she so-called "changed" was because her undivided attention was completely and utterly focused on one being the house that was not Hero.

Was he selfish? Absolutely. Was it wrong? Was it wrong to feel this way towards someone who saved the girl he cared so much about? Definitely, but it couldn't be stopped. Anger and rage were settled, and so now it was time for revenge.

Supervillain blinked open his eyes in the middle of one of Hero's passes in front of his bed. The hero bounded over, pressed his fist into the wall, and hovered over Supervillain's awakening figure.

Slowly, the sleep-filled eyes cleared and became more aware of their surroundings as the grogginess melted away. They looked around, green irises taking in every feature of the bedroom as if they had never viewed such a place before- which they had, each and every time Supervillain pushed through unconsciousness. But of course, he never remembered, for these brief moments of loopy consciousness didn't have absorbent qualities.

Soon, those same foresty eyes met Hero's face. He smiled, imagining the fear that Supervillain was feeling. Though, it wasn't for certain, the subtle clenches of his jaw signalized those emotions.

"How are you feeling bud?" Hero asked, assuming a kind tone. Supervillain gave a wobbly smile as he gaze fell downcast. Hero's heart, the last bits of sympathy for the man, dropped.

Supervillain obviously was in pain and the fact that he was laying on his backside probably did not help.

Hero picked Supervillain up, flipped him over, and dropped him roughly on the bed. Supervillain bounced one, coughing and groaning as he squeezed his eyes shut.

Hero's arrogant smirk faded for a moment before upturning again. He traced his fingers over the festering wound and dug his fingers in.

Supervillain screamed, but Hero was quickly able to cover his mouth with his hand. He tried to ignore Supervillain's teeth and tongue as they desperately tried to remove the humanoid gag.

"This is for turning my girlfriend into your personal maid," Hero growled like he was the villain in the story, not Supervillain. Oh was this so wrong, but the unreleased rage overcame those thoughts of humane empathy.

Supervillain whimpered even louder as Hero's fingers met with the cracked bones. He kicked out with his legs, arms punching into the mattress.

"Yeah, how you like that huh?" Hero taunted, grabbing Supervillain's ear and pulling it down. Supervillain's whole head went with it and a loud crack echoed throughout the room. Supervillain quit writhing for a moment, stunned slightly.

Hero didn't care. He just kept on torturing Supervillain until a horrified voice interrupted him.

"What are you doing?!"

Hero spun around, meeting the gaze of his mortified girlfriend.

"What are you doing?!" She exclaimed again, crouching down to look in Supervillain's dull eyes. They were without any emotion as they blankly stared at Civilian.

Hero felt that anger in his chest, but it was nullified by the horrific dawning of his deeds. He kicked a man when he was already down.

Never do that. That was the first rule in the Hero's Code, even before not engaging in any villainous parties or organizations unless otherwise stated by the Agency.

He broke the code.

But didn't he before? Taking in Supervillain?

Civilian stood up abruptly, grabbing the collar of Hero's shirt and pushing him back, fire in her eyes.

"Why would you do that?" She snarled, pushing him out the door and into the hallway. Hero was practically rendered helpless by shock and the reality of his wrongdoings.

"You-you," Hero tried to defend himself in the most futile manner. "He took you away from me!"

But still, his defenses were weak.

"How?" Civilian asked, thrusting both hands against Hero's chest. "How in the world did he take me away from you? He hasn't spoken a word to me! Or even actually looked at me."

"You have been coddling him for days," Hero replied, rushed.

Civilian gaped, throwing her hands in the air. "Okay Wicked Witch of the West-"

"Hey!"

Civilian smirked. "He saved my life and now I am trying to save his. I am sorry I haven't given you your required twenty-four hours of hugs and kisses."

Hero was silent, but a sudden pull on his shirt ended the split moment of awkward silence.

"What are you doing?" He asked, digging his heals into the ground, but Civilian grabbed his arm and yanked him towards the frontdoor.

"This is my house and I can't clearly trust you with my patient. Get." She pushed Hero out the door and slammed it in his face.

Hero slid down the door, hand trailing down the smooth material. Tears spiked at his eyes as he landed on the doorstep in a sobbing heap.

《~~》

Civilian walked over to the bed and checked on the wound. It was bleeding- just a small trickle of crimson liquid. He was unconscious again, head pressed into the downy pillow.

She refrained from rubbing his head like she would do for her boyfriend. Hero's actions were unjustifiable and utterly cruel, but that did not mean that she would betray him.

But still, tender loving care was the only way for him to actually heal.

She grabbed some numbing ointment and rubbed it around the reddened, tender skin surrounding the wound. Then she lathered the interior, avoiding the exposed ribs, and placed an icebag around the whole thing.

Supervillain didn't wake, his face remaimed placid and relaxed as he slept. Civilian with hands of professional talent, gently opened his mouth and placed a thermometer under his tongue. It beeped, reading a prime number of 101.9. It wasn't too bad, but likely wasn't fun either.

"Wake up," Civilian jostled Supervillain's shoulder until his green eyes broke open lethargically. He looked around, squinting, until they fell on Civilian's face.

"Get away," he growled, hugging himself protectively. His teeth bared, jaw clenched as he angrily stared Civilian down. She looked away, sighing.

"Listen," she said. "I'm not going to hurt you. Do you even recognize me?"

Supervillain observed Civilian for a while before nodded slowly. "You're Civilian," he mumbled.

"Mhm," Civilian hummed as she put a couple pills in his hands. He looked at them skeptically before throwing them half-way across the room.

Civilian frowned, looking at the discarded, white tablets. "You need those," she said.

"You're going to drug me," the supervillain accused, fear radiant in his gaze.

"It's tylenol," Civilian sighed, giving him a couple more. He stared at them, calculating, before shoving them into his mouth- not even bothering with water.

"Just don't hurt me when I'm out again, please," he begged before closing his eyes, asleep.

Civilian smiled. The pills truly were Tylenol, but he was just so exhausted and tired that he gave up. Poor guy.

Tentatively, she pulled the covers over his bare shoulders and went to the kitchen to make some soup.

[dejunectar]

everything i wanted | Jaehyun

«« genre »» hurt/comfort, angst, fluff

«« pairings »» jaehyun x reader

«« warnings »» major character death, mentions of self-harm, suicidal ideations, alcohol abuse

«« summary »» 5 months after the death of your best friend, ((jungwoo {this ties into THIS jungwoo fic})) your boyfriend comes to visit you for the first time in awhile, worried and finds you in shambles & worse than he thought

«« song/inspiration »» everything i wanted by billie eilish & the anon who came up with this absolutely lovely idea <33

————————————————————

5 months. 3 weeks. 5 days. 19 hours. 43 minutes.

All the time that had passed since your best friend, your go-to, your number one person in the whole world, had decided to leave this life. The decision to leave his life. The decision to leave your life.

From the moment you got the phone call from Doyoung, who was short of breath and barely able to make a sentence, you knew your world was crumbling around you.

You’d never driven so fast in your life, but no matter how quickly you made it to the hospital, it would never make a difference. There was nothing you could do. There was nothing the boys could do. There was nothing the doctors could do.

You held onto your boyfriend, Jaehyun, for dear life as you watched the doctor walk towards your group with a grim frown. You listened in horror as he told you that there was no way to save him. They tried their best but it was too late. Jaehyun had to hold you up as your knees gave out on you, but even he barely had strength for himself.

You didn’t sleep that night. You didn’t sleep the next two weeks as a matter of fact. The only way you could get yourself to sleep was a Tylenol and a bottle of beer.

You spiraled. You were quickly losing touch with reality, waking up each day and forgetting that you couldn’t go to call Jungwoo to hang out. Each time the voicemail came up and you heard his voice it only shattered you more. You were turning into dust.

After a month, you moved out of your old apartment and left to a cabin in the woods that your parents used to own. They’d left it for you but you never visited until then. You thought moving out into the woods would help you clear your head.

Instead, you couldn’t escape it.

You were trapped in your own thoughts.

Each night only got progressively worse and worse.

Jaehyun made it a plan to drive up and visit you twice a week to make sure you were okay. Although things had gone tense between you two, neither of you wanted to break up. It was the last thing either of you needed. When he stayed with you in the cabin, you spent hours wrapped in each other’s arms.

One of you crying, the other consoling. Sometimes you both cried. Sometimes neither of you cried. Regardless, you spent the time wrapped up in each other, clinging as if the other were close to slipping away.

Unfortunately, Jaehyun hadn’t been up to the cabin to see you in just over a month. Your brain blamed you and your depression only made it worse. You began drinking again, but this time it was much heavier and much more often.

After you went through your beer supply, you slowly started going through the wine supply that your parents had kept away for celebrations.

One night, you couldn’t contain your thoughts and it all got too loud to handle. Crying led to yelling. Yelling led to throwing things. Throwing things led to glass being shattered around the entire place. The thoughts kept taking over. No matter how hard you tried to block them out, they refused to leave.

At last, you lifted a glass shard from the wooden floor and brought it to your skin.

Jaehyun finally made it up to your cabin. It was supposed to rain that night, and he was worried about you since you hadn’t returned his calls for a week. He blamed it on your poor service but made the trip up anyway.

He already had a key, so he let himself in, carrying groceries with him. As he made it into the door, his eyes scanned across the cabin.

Books were scattered, vases had been broken, glass covered a majority of the floor, and the furniture had dark and light stains all over it. He carefully set the groceries on the floor and hung his key beside the door before stepping into the place.

“Y/N? Y/N, I’m here!” he called out, walking in further. The farther he walked in, the more mess he saw. A deep sigh left his lips.

A loud thumping noise sounded from upstairs, causing him to look around once more before making his way up the stairs. When he entered the hallway, he noticed all of the pictures that once littered the walls were now taken down, leaving a lighter shade than the rest of the walls.

“Babe?” he called out once more, walking down to your room and swinging the door open. His eyes scanned the room for any sight of you. He didn’t see you anywhere but he heard a soft crying sound coming from your closet.

He breathed heavily before slowly moving towards the sound. When he finally approached the closet, his eyes fell to see you slumped to the ground with red everywhere. Your arms. Your thighs. The bottom of your feet.

“Oh God, Y/N—” he cursed under his breath and quickly pulled you up into him. Your blood painted his white shirt and jeans but he didn’t care. You continued crying, beginning to grow louder. “Why, why, why?” he hissed as he carried you to the bathroom.

You left your eyes on the ground, afraid to look him in the eye. Once in the bathroom, he sat you on the counter and began running bathwater. As he began to undress you, you shook your head and cried harder, leaning against his shoulder, “I can’t— I’m s— I’m so sorry, Jaehyun!”

He shushed your cries and ran a thumb across your cheek. “It’s okay, I’m here now, yeah? Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Once you were naked, he carefully led you into the bathtub and stopped the water. You didn’t hiss or flinch at the burning sensation the warm water caused towards your open cuts. You sat there, weakly leaning against the bathroom wall as Jaehyun searched for soap and a rag to clean you.

When he finished bathing you, he wrapped bandages around your arms, thighs, and feet. The cuts on your feet had come from the glass, and for this reason, he made sure to clean that up as well. Whilst you got dressed, he ordered pizza for both of you and began cleaning up the empty bottles that were scattered around the house.

It hurt to walk, so he demanded you stay sitting on the couch while cleaning up. Even though you offered to help countless times, he rejected the idea and reassured you that he wasn’t upset with you and wanted you to rest.

Sure enough, you dozed off for the first time in weeks, without the help of medicine or alcohol.

When you awoke, Jaehyun was beside you, watching a program on the TV. You didn’t speak up until he noticed you were awake and pressed a kiss to your temple.

“I’m sorry I’m putting you through this, I know you didn’t sign up for any of—”

He turned off the TV and hushed you. “Y/N, I love you. I know you’re not okay right now, and that’s okay. I’m not okay either. We lost someone we loved and we’re grieving. I’m not saying that I’m okay with you excessively drinking or hurting yourself, but I’m telling you that you don’t have to apologize to me for anything. If anything I should apologize to you for not coming up here sooner, okay?”

Tears welled up in your eyes and your lip trembled. You refused to look into his eyes, not feeling worthy enough. Jaehyun only sighed and pulled you in closer to him, pressing several kisses to your head and humming.

“I love you. Everything will be okay. It might not be okay right now, but it will be. I promise,” he mumbled and wrapped both arms around you. You took comfort in his arms and carefully crawled into his lap, wrapped your own arms around him.

For the remainder of the night, things were as they usually were. You both spent the time together in each other’s arms or just in each other’s presence. You were still shattered, but Jaehyun being there was enough to begin finding the pieces and gluing them back together.

It stormed heavily. Rain hit the windows and roof and lightning struck around the night sky, making claps of thunder rumble the world around you.

With the darkness surrounding you, your heart thudded against your chest with fear. Jaehyun felt you tense up in his arms as you laid in bed and automatically began humming softly to lull you to sleep. Within mere minutes, you were surely drifting back off into slumber.

———————————————————

[tngrace]

“I really need you” please!

Thank you nonnie. this is gonna be another coda/extension of 2.03 with members of the 118 making an appearance in the story. I tweaked some of the dialog, and who said and did some things to make it fit where I was going with this. Plus it gave me an excuse to watch parts of the episode again, especially stealing the fire truck scene. 😍🤣

And @moviegeek03 thank you for being so wonderful and becoming a trusted friend. Have some of that TK whump we discussed. 😉 i’m pretty sure this is the most whump I've ever written in one setting.  This also ended up being more Judd & TK focused than Tarlos.... not sure how that happened. 🤔

Prompt was from this list. I'm officially closing that list but please feel free to send me a request if you have one and I'll see if I can do anything with it.

4 word prompts masterlist- find all completed fics & requests waiting to be written here. I've got 2 left to write after this one.

TK was exhausted. They'd been working the wildfire for a week, getting little sleep. Out of state crews were to be arriving any minute, and he was hoping that would mean they could catch a break. He just wanted a little rest, and to talk to Carlos. The few texts they'd exchanged wasn't enough anymore.

Before he was able to find a quiet spot for a call, his dad called a meeting with all the out of state crews that had arrived. He let's out a deep breath and throws on his jacket, before joining his crew. Out of town crews made him uncomfortable just because he wasn't sure he could trust them. With his team, they knew each other's moves and thoughts as they worked together. He knew they needed the help, but he was leary. His leariness remained especially when he saw some guy constantly staring at Marjan. It set his already frayed nerves on edge.  

TK is gathering shovels and picks with Mateo when he learns Judd, Paul and Marjan are abandoning them with one of the 118 crew members. To say he is not happy about it would be an understatement. He tries to put on his best face though, and he can’t turn off his friendly personality even though he tries when he realizes it's the guy who stared Marj down. Plus Mateo is doing his damnedest to engage him so TK throws in his own comments to try and help because he knows how personally Mateo takes things and he just wants to protect him.

The work is hard and tiring on his already tired body. Plus Buck just doesn’t seem to want to engage with him. TK understands though; Buck is probably feeling just as abandoned as he is by his team which he tries to convey to Mateo. At least TK still has Mateo; Buck was left by both of his other team members. As they’re comparing their wildest calls, TK sees a burning car rolling down the hill at top speed at them. He doesn’t even think; he just reacts diving towards Buck with a yell at Mateo to look out. 

He collides full force with Buck, knocking him out of the way. He can feel the air knocked out of himself as well as they collide with the ground. They’re up and moving before his body can even process possible injuries, the adrenaline spurring them on. Once the fire is out, and the dog is reunited with his owner, TK doubles over to catch his breath. He can feel the struggle, knowing he must have sustained some bruising to his ribs when knocking Buck out of the way. He feels a twinge in his ankle too, but ignores it. He can’t afford to be hurt though with it being all hands on deck, so he takes as deep a breath as he can and stands back up before anyone can notice. 

“So that was weird,” Buck says to him as they watch the guy retrieving his dog from Mateo. 

“Right?” TK says with a confused look on his face. 

“Nice moves by the way. Good reflexes,” Buck says with a smile on his face before he walks off to get back to work. 

“Yea you too,” TK says watching the scene and still mentally trying to asses himself. He has enough medic training to know what he should be feeling for, and when all he can come up with is the soreness in his ribs, he decides to push on. 

After that, Buck opens up more to them also explaining his fixation with Marjan earlier, and it makes the day pass faster. TK does his best to ignore the aching in his ribs and ankle. Buck notices how off TK would get at times, especially when he wouldn’t take a break from digging, but he brushed off every attempt Buck made at making sure he was ok. Mateo has noticed the same thing, but he also knows when to push and when not to push TK.

By night fall, they’re heading back down the mountain, still discussing their wildest calls, and TK is limping and having to pause his talking every now and then to catch a breath. His ribs and ankle are throbbing now, and he just wants some Tylenol and bed. Mateo effectively ends their pissing contest on who has the wildest calls, but before he can even contemplate the fact that Probie was the voice of reason, they encounter the rest of their teams minus his dad and Hen. 

They tease them about already having their feet up, but one look at Judd and Marjan and TK knows somethings wrong. “What? What’s wrong?” he asks feeling the panic building under his skin. It’s not ideal for his ribs, but he can’t stop it, not with the way they’re looking at him. 

“You didn’t hear did you?” Marjan finally asks finding her voice first. TK is looking between all of them as he hears Buck ask, “hear what?” 

Paul speaks up then, explaining how his dad and Hen went up to provide air support to find the missing kid. TK’s eyes never leave them as he listens, his breathing becoming more erratic the longer Paul talks. When he hears the fateful words that the chopper went down, he’s almost positive he stops breathing. He feels his world tilting; he feels his knees giving out, but before he hits the ground again, Judd is off the back of the ATV so fast TK is not sure how it happens. 

“Woah there brother,” he says his arms coming underneath TK to catch him. TK can’t stop the whine when Judd’s hands connect with his sore ribs. “What the hell?” Judd asks him as he holds him up. 

“Uh... I might can help with that,” Buck says when TK refuses to answer Judd. He explains how TK saved him from the runaway car, and how he’d been limping and breathing weird ever since. He explains that he tried to get TK to take it easy, but TK insisted he was fine and kept working. 

“Of course he did,” Judd says before muttering under his breath about idiot little brothers. 

“Uh... Judd,” Paul and Marjan say at the same time as TK’s erratic breathing becomes extremely apparent and his eyes glass over.  

“Fuck,” Judd grunts as he takes more of TK’s weight. “Let me get him calmed down and then you can check him over,” he tells Eddie before more or less dragging TK off to the first quiet spot he can find. They’ve been down this road with TK’s panic attacks before, and Judd seemed the best to handle them. 

He gets TK seated before coming around in front of him and placing his hands on TK’s shoulders. “Hey kid. Eyes on me,” he says as one of his hands come up to cradles TK’s neck to keep his head from lolling too much. He can tell TK has really worked himself up this time, by the glassy look in his eyes and how TK doesn't appear to hear him. “TK! Look at me,” he says sternly as he finally gets TK’s eyes on him. He takes TK’s hand and places it along his own chest so TK can feel his breaths. 

“I’m gonna call Carlos and you’re going to focus on breathing,” Judd tells him digging in his pocket for his phone while making sure TK stays with him. “Slow and steady,” Judd reminds him as he focuses on keeping his own breaths even for TK to match. 

“Gracie!” Judd says when she picks up. “I need you to get me Carlos. TK is having a panic attack, and he needs to talk to him,” Judd relays. He knows she’s working tonight, and he’s not sure about Carlos so he did the only thing he knew would guarantee Carlos would answer. It doesn’t take Grace five minutes before she has Carlos on the line. Judd quickly explains what has happened and that he needs Carlos to talk to TK. 

He puts the phone on speaker so he can go back to holding TK’s head up. “Alright Reyes you’re on speaker. He can hear you,” Judd relays and he steadies his breathing once more for TK. 

“Ty, you’re ok. I’m here. Judd’s there. You’re whole team is there. I know you’re tired. I know you’re exhausted, but I need you to focus on breathing for me ok?” Carlos murmurs softly. Judd can tell TK is focusing more listening to Carlos and he tells him to keep talking. 

Slowly but surely TK comes back around and his breathing is more even. “Carlos,” he finally says in a choked whisper when he realizes his boyfriend is talking to him.  

“Yea love, I’m here,” Carlos says as TK finally reaches for the phone from Judd. 

“You good? You’re not gonna kill over on me are you?” Judd asks him as he sees TK sitting up more on his own. 

“I’m good,” TK promises as Judd finally passes him the phone. 

“Five minutes little brother, and then I’m letting the Army medic check you over,” he warns before giving TK time to talk to Carlos. 

TK takes the phone off speaker, but he knows Carlos has already heard. “Ty? Why is the medic looking you over?” he asks TK with worry clearly seeping through his tone. 

“Judd’s being overprotective as usual,” TK says but he knows Carlos doesn’t buy it. He lets out a sigh and then winces when his ribs twinge. “I’m tired, exhausted really. I saved one of the other guys from a different team today from a runaway car. The collision with the ground may or may not have bruised my ribs, and I may or may not have tweaked my ankle, but I’m fine,” he tries to stress not wanting his boyfriend to worry anymore. 

“Tyler,” Carlos stresses knowing TK is not fine. If he was fine, Judd would not have had to call him tonight. 

“Ok, I’m not fine,” TK admits trying to hold his tears off. “I’m hurt. I’m tired, so tired. Dad is possibly hurt or dying or we don’t know. He.. He crashed in a helicopter and no one’s heard from him, and I just... I just got him back from the cancer, and I just almost lost him last week. I just.. I can’t... I can’t... I can’t do this again. I can’t lose him. I can’t... ” he gets out in a rush with his breathing hitching and his ribs protesting. 

“Easy Tiger. Breathe,” Carlos calms. “Breathe TK. It’s going to be ok.” TK tries his level best to control his breathing and stop the tears once more. 

“I just really need you,” he gets out as a few stray tears fall. “I don’t think I can do this.” 

TK can hear background noise and Carlos talking to someone in Spanish, before Carlos is telling him he will come. “Wait? Who was that? Where are you?” TK asks knowing Carlos rarely uses his Spanish unless he’s on the phone with his family or on a call where he needs to use it. TK doesn’t think Carlos is working, which means he must be with or around his family. 

“I was at my parents,” Carlos tells him. “But I’m coming to you, ok?” 

“What? No! You can’t!” TK says feeling the panic rise once more. Carlos won’t even broach the topic of his parents with him, and TK doesn’t know why. He hasn’t had the time to question Carlos on it either between Tim’s death and being called out to assist with the wildfire, but TK knows it’s something. But the last thing TK wants is to pull Carlos away from his family knowing how little time Carlos gets with them. Besides he doesn’t want Carlos near this fire either. 

“TK it’s fine. I can be there within three hours. Just breathe baby,” he says when he hears TK’s hitching breath once more. 

“Carlos no. Don’t. Stay with them, please,” TK begs the tears falling faster now despite how much he tries to stop them. It’s amazing how broken down and non-cooperative the body can get when it reaches the stage of exhaustion TK is in. He doesn’t want Carlos’s parents to have a bad impression of him if they know about him, or for them to be mad he’s pulling Carlos away when they rarely get to see him. It's causing his panic to rise once again.

Judd has returned to force TK into being checked over and notices the tears and erratic breathing once more. “Damn it kid,” he says as he kneels in front of him again. He once again places TK’s hand along side his chest, before putting the phone back on speaker. Carlos is doing his best to get TK to listen and calm down, but Judd finally has to speak up. 

“It’s not working. Look I’m gonna see if I can get him calm,” he tells Carlos who then explains what happened. Judd sighs knowing TK’s mind is just too worn down at this point. “Drive safe,” he tells Carlos before hanging up knowing it’s useless to try and tell Carlos to stay in Austin. 

“Alright kid, breathe with me,” Judd instructs as he forces TK to focus on him and breathe. Once TK is breathing normally again, Judd motions for Eddie to come over and check him out. The others have gone to the command tent to see if they can reason with the Commander. Judd would love to be in there helping them, but he knows his anger would get the best of him because he knows what the Commander is going to say. Besides TK needs him and that is his top priority right now. 

Eddie checks TK over, noticing the dark bruising along his ribs. He feels of them making TK wince as he apologizes but they both know it has to be done, and while they don’t feel broken, with the bruising he thinks one might be cracked. “I’m good,” TK tries to say, but Judd ain’t buying it. 

“Just let him wrap your damn ribs kid,” Judd says tossing Eddie an ace bandage. “I know you’re not gonna stay in the tent and rest, even though that’s where you should be, so at least let us make sure you’re not going to do more damage.” 

TK finally relents and Eddie does his best to stabilize TK’s ribs. He then moves on to check TK’s ankle, and once his boot is removed, the swelling is obvious. Eddie feels along it and determines it is just twisted. TK had come to the same conclusion, so he lets Eddie put a brace on it to keep from making it worse. Eddie leaves them with it once he’s finished his medical assessment, knowing Judd probably needs a minute with his kid brother. 

“Look I know I’m not going to be able to keep you sidelined on this,” Judd started getting a definitive agreement from TK making Judd rolls his eyes hard. “But I want you to be smart about it, and try not to make your injuries worse.” 

TK does agree to that, even though they both know once he's caught up in the moment, he'll forget his promise. He doesn’t want to be laid up anymore than Judd wants him injured. “Now wanna tell me why talking to your boy sent you into another spiral?” Judd asks as he helps TK up and towards a picnic table. 

“Not really,” TK murmurs as he drops down to rest. 

“Fine. I won’t make you talk if you don’t want to. I know what that’s like. But you know I’m here for you bub.” At TK’s nod, Judd announces he’s going to find them food and water and for TK not to move. TK decides he needs to inform his mom what is happening, so while Judd is gone he calls her. He’s just wrapping up the call when he feels someone walking up behind him. He assumes it’s Judd returning with the promised food and water, he had no plans of touching, but is surprised to see it’s Buck with pizza. 

Even though Judd had told him not to move, TK is up and moving as Buck starts to talk. He doesn’t think he can handle any small talk, and he doesn’t want to talk about how he is. He just wants to find his dad, even though he knows deep down he is in no position to go out looking for him. Even though he knows it, he doesn’t think it’s going to stop him, especially when Buck holds up keys to the fire truck. 

They grab their go bags and sneak through the command center. TK is a little slower than he’d like because of his ribs and ankle, but Buck is patient with him. TK tries to talk Buck out of going so he doesn’t get fired as well, but Buck doesn’t back down. TK is thankful because he knows he’s not fully up to going this alone. He gets frustrated easily when Buck doesn’t explain his total plan and tries to divert him from the 118′s truck. He just wants to get in it and go before Judd finds him. 

It doesn’t take long for Judd to gather everyone up when he gets back to the table he’d left TK at and finds it empty. Eddie is the first to piece it together when he realizes Buck is also missing. They grab backpacks and race off to the fire trucks, splitting up to surround them when they see two bodies trying to sneak around. They flip on their flashlights and Judd speaks up before the guys make it to the 126′s truck. 

“Hey! Dumbass! Dumbasser!” Judd calls out making them both freeze. TK knows he’s screwed by Judd’s tone of voice. He slowly turns to face Judd and realizes Paul and Mateo are with him. He sees Buck looking the other direction, so he can only assume Marjan and Eddie are there. “Did you stop and consider the consequences of what you’re about to do at all?” Judd asks shining his light on TK making him wince hard at the bright light as Paul shines his on Buck. 

TK’s theory of Marjan and Eddie coming in from the other side is confirmed when they both speak up. “You obviously don’t know Buck.” 

“You two didn’t seriously think that you could sneak off and drive into wildfires did you?” Marjan asks in an accusatory tone, making TK scrunch his face with a wince feeling like a scolded kid. 

“Yes?” he says, more like asks, timidly. He’s hurting, he’s exhausted. He just wants to find his dad and sleep for a month. He wants this stupid wildfire over with so he can go back home. 

“Well that ain’t gonna happen,” Paul finally pipes up. TK feels the defeat creeping in until Buck stands up to them. “You think you’re gonna stop us?” he asks. 

“Stop you? We’re going with you,” Mateo supplies like an excited puppy going on his first adventure. “Come on let’s go,” Eddie say as everyone starts loading up. 

TK and Buck share a look as everyone jumps into the truck. TK gives Judd a skeptical look making Judd roll his eyes. “Just get in the damn truck before I change my mind,” he huffs helping TK climb up. Once everyone is in, they take off up the mountain to find their captain and Hen. 

Judd does his best to keep TK from over-exerting, but it’s useless. As soon as the truck stopped, TK was out and racing for the helicopter despite his limp. Judd watched from the sidelines as TK crawled all over it, screaming for his dad. He knew they weren’t there though; he knew Owen would’ve tried to get them somewhere safer. He can see the defeat creeping in to TK’s face. He decides to take the lead and tells everyone to fan out. He grabs TK and makes him come with him so he can keep an eye on him. He takes the backpack off TK’s back so it’s less he’s carrying and exerting himself. 

Once Hen and Owen are found, Judd can’t stop TK from climbing into the mine to get to his dad. He knows TK is probably doing more damage to his ankle and ribs, but he can’t stop him. They’re able to get both Hen and Owen out safely and loaded in the trucks. TK sits next to his dad the whole way back, telling him over and over he’s going to be ok even though Owen is unconscious.  

Since they were able to complete the rescue safely, their reprimands are minimal. Once they’re dismissed from the Commander, Judd steers TK to the medical tent. “No argument,” he says gruffly when he sees TK start to protest. “You are hurt. You are exhausted, and brother, I’ve lived through the kinda panic attack you hard earlier. You are resting. You are getting fluids and a proper medical assessment even if I have to tie your ass to the bed.” 

“That won’t be necessary Judd,” they hear turning towards the voice. Carlos is standing there in uniform watching them. He’d used his badge and uniform shamelessly to get through to San Angelo as quickly as he could after hanging up with TK. He hadn’t explained it to his parents, just told them he had to go, and here he was. 

TK’s eyes filled with tears before he could stop them. Carlos had really come. He was here. TK all but collapses in his arms, and Carlos catches him as always. “I’ll leave ya to it,” Judd says clasping Carlos’s shoulder before he goes to check on the captain. 

Carlos gets TK over to a bed, and TK clings to him when Carlos tries to lay him down. “I’m not going anywhere Tiger,” he whispers as he finally gets TK stretched out. A medic comes and checks TK over, Judd having sent her over after detailing what he knew of TK’s condition. She starts an iv to run fluids before listening to his lungs. She doesn’t think anything is broken, but she does advise he take it easy in case one is cracked. She elevates his ankle wrapping it in ice and suggesting he rest for the time being. Carlos sits by his bed the whole time carding his finger through TK’s hair. 

“I’m sorry you left your parents,” TK says quietly. 

“Don’t,” Carlos tells him as he softly kisses him. “You needed me, and here I am. I always said I would come if you needed, and that doesn’t change just because I’m visiting my parents.” 

TK gives him a sleepy nod, Carlos’s fingers working like magic as always to relax him. “Rest TK, and then we’ll go home and you can rest some more.” TK turns into Carlos’s touch giving a sleepy nod, before he lets his body succumb to the exhaustion and he falls fast asleep. 

The out of town crews are dismissed while TK is sleeping. Eddie and Buck both check in on TK and see Carlos sitting beside him watching him sleep. They leave their numbers and well wishes with Carlos before following Hen to check on the captain. They let her have a moment with him, while they say goodbye to the rest of the team. The 126 decide to all catch some sleep now that the wildfire is contained. They know they’ll be dismissed to return to Austin soon, but they all need some much needed sleep. They check in on their Strand boys before they all crash for some much needed rest. 

It’s the next day before they load the truck to head home. TK decides to ride back with Carlos letting his dad have room to stretch out in the back of the truck to rest as Judd drives them home. He’s still feeling the exhaustion, and he’s glad they have mandated time off. His head lolls against the window as Carlos drives them home. He knows over the next few days they’ll have to talk about his panic attack and how he freaked out again over Carlos’s parents, but for now he’s just glad to be back with Carlos and almost home. 

[we-are-dreamers42]

Nightingale: Too Broken Too Fix Part I

Bucky Barnes x OGcharacter

photo by me.

This is the backstory or prequel of Alexandra Thomas before entering the official world of the Marvel Universe.

Word Count: 2,069

Series List

All Alexandra’s targets are scattering with no chance of finding them. She has one night to finish the men or find the others. It’s one or the other. How do you choose? 

WARNINGS: There are mentions of sexual abuse, violence, and swearing

Chapter 5

Roxy, and I are at Timmy’s the next morning. I gave him the drive to unload, and go through. Unfortunately he found a mass email that was sent to the rest of my targets, and then some warning them about me. That meant that they’re going to disappear. If that happened I’ll never find the others. They’ll move them or kill them. Either way I was out of time.

“Is there any way to know where they’re being kept?”

“I’ll keep searching.”

“This is bad. This is really bad.” I sat next to Rox that’s popping Tylenol for her hangover. 

She puts her arms around my shoulders to comfort me. “You’ll get this done.” 

“I hate just sitting here.”

“Then take a walk. When you get back Timmy will find something.”

“Okay. Call me if he finds anything.”

“The moment it happens.”

“Thanks.” Instead of a walk I ran. I didn’t have a destination, but I just needed to get the frustration out. If I lost these kids. If they’re moved or killed everything I did would’ve been for nothing.

Roxy called, making me stop. “What did he find?”

“Coordinates. One in the middle of the desert out of town, and another is a hotel.”

“Send them to me.” The hotel must be The Grand Hotel, but the one in the desert. That has to be where they’re kept. I had tonight. I save the kids or I kill all the men. If I just save the kids the men get away, and set up in some other city. If I go after the men I lose the kids.

Before I could make a decision one fell right in front of me. Over a dozen police cars speed down the street blaring their sirens. Overhead a helicopter was hovering. “You are surrounded. Get on the ground with your hands up.”

I started to sprint in the opposite direction. Running through the city I got a call. It’s Roxy. I ducked into an alley. “Hey I’m a little busy right now.” I answered.

“I can see that. You’re on the news.”

“Great. Any ideas?” A cop car stopped in front of the alley’s opening. I darted the other way. They shoot at me. I get around the corner, and out of their sight.

“Get out of there.” Roxy said still on the phone.

“No shit.”

“Go to the pier they won’t shoot if there’s civilians. Lose them in the crowds.”

Better than nothing. I pocket my phone. The pier was five blocks from here, but I had to go the way I came. I emerged from the alley on the other side of the street. There were barricades of cop cars on either side of the road.

“You have nowhere to go.” One of them yelled.

I put my hands up to surrender. One of the officers walked up to me with his gun aimed at me. He got closer. I grabbed the gun’s barrel with my left hand, and pushed his hand away with my right, disarming him.

I used his body to block behind me while I shot at the cops in front of me. I never aimed at them. Just close enough that they took cover. Once out of bullets I threw the officer I had and jumped over the barricade of cars. Then ran like hell.

One block, two, three. I saw the pier, and the people. I could actually get away from this. Then something hard hits me in the back knocking me down. I looked behind me to see what the hell hit me. All I saw was a red, white and blue shield. Fuck me. Getting out of here just became impossible. 

“Look, I don’t want to fight.” I said getting up.

“You should've thought of that before murdering people.” Captain America stood in front of me. Roxy would be so jealous. I could see how she finds him so attractive, but right now really wasn’t the time.

He walked to me. I threw a punch that he caught. He pushed against me, and I pushed back. “It’s not what you think. It isn’t murder.”

“What would you call it?”

“Justice.”

I sweep his leg forcing him down on his knees. I spin, and elbow him in his face. Before I could get away he used his shield to push me back. I grabbed the edges, and pushed against him.

For a beefcake like him he should be way stronger than me, but we’re at a stand still. Both using all our strength, but going nowhere. He looked at me, and his face contorted to a confused look. “Alexandra?”

Hearing him say my name threw me off. He took advantage of my hesitation, and used his shield to knock me over. Before I could get up there were a bunch of guns pointed at my head. This time I raised my hands, actually giving up.

I sat in an interrogation room. My arms, legs and torso are strapped down so I couldn’t move. I should be panicked about being caught, and how I’m never going to get out of here without hurting someone who doesn’t deserve it. But I’m not. I’m panicked at how Steve Rogers knew my name. There was no way. Technology I didn't exist. I’ve never had a job, drivers license, not even a social security number. So how?

An older man with an eye patch comes in. “So you’re Nightingale. The one terrorizing this city. Honestly when I look at you. I don’t see much.

“How did you find me?”

“Caught your little encounter with Mike Hammel yesterday. When he was found splattered on a sidewalk we followed the lead. Finding you was easy. Finding out who you are is a different story. Who are you?”

If Captain America didn’t tell them who I was, maybe he doesn’t know. But how would he know my name? “Who I am doesn’t matter.”

“Does to us, and to the families of the men you killed.”

“Ha! Those men’s families have no idea who they actually are. If they did, they wouldn’t care about me.”

“Then enlighten me on what those men did.”

That’s when the idea hit me.  Save the kids and get the men. Two birds with one Steve. “You must’ve tried to get into my phone already haven’t you? Just look at that.”

“We haven’t cracked the password yet.”

“I’ll tell you, but I want to talk to Captain America.”

“You are in no position to make demands.”

“I am if I give you all the answers you need. My full confession.”

“Fine.” He left. If I could convince someone to help me. It’s the most righteous man in the world. Moments later he walked in with the red, white and blue suite. He sat across from me.

“Papaya is the password.” He raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t pick it.”

“What’s on the phone?”

“Evidence, and coordinates.” For this specific situation I had all the evidence on that phone. It’s under a few files deep in the system. Product of Timmy.

“Evidence of what?”

“Of how all my targets committed a crime that couldn’t go unpunished. What I did was necessary. I’m not a bad person. Not one kill I enjoyed.”

“Then why do it? No one deserves death.” His eyes suddenly narrowed in on me. They found the files.

“These men do.”

“Who are you?”

“You tell me.” He gave nothing away on his face. “It’s hard to have an identity when you’re locked in a cage.”

“Why give us everything?”

“Tonight is it. The coordinates I believe are where the others are kept. The other is a hotel where the people responsible gather.”

“You don’t expect us to believe you.”

“There is a reason I wanted to talk to you. You tell me if I'm lying.” I leaned in as far as I could. “Nothing is more important than saving those kids. I will comply completely with you. I know you know it’s the right thing to do.”

He leaned into. “What if you’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

He paused. “You’ll be staying here while we go.”

“No, I have to be there.”

“Not a chance.”

“I’ll stay by your side the whole time… I can’t abandon them when I’m this close.”

He stared at me for a bit. It was starting to get uncomfortable, but I never looked away.

We stood yards away from a rundown warehouse in the middle of the desert.

“There are almost a dozen men fully armed.” Said an Agent.

“Any hostages?” Captain asked.

“Many.”

Captain America looked over at me. “You do not leave my side.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” 

He decided that we would go stealthy. To not tip off anyone, and they start shooting the others. We charged at the building. There were no lights coming from the building. So getting there undetected was easy.

Getting close to the building he held his hand up in a fist. I thought it was weird. So I just continued forward.

There was one guard outside. I put him in a choker hold to knock him out. Not to kill. That was the only thing for Cap to let me come with. 

He came up behind me. “This.” He did the motion again. “Means wait.”

“Sorry.”

“Just stay behind me.”

We got inside, and it’s just an empty warehouse. There was a side door. I walked up to it remembering that’s where the controls to the cells are. 

I stood to the side while he kicked in the door. Waking up the sleeping guard. He reached for his gun. Cap threw his shield, knocking the gun to the ground. Catching his shield he moves in, and kicks the man into the wall knocking him out.

“Impressive.” Don’t get on his bad side. Noted.

“Top floor secure.” He said into his comms. The rest of the agents moved in. 

On the cameras there are 3 floors below us. I counted two guards on each floor of twelve cells. Thirty six cells in total.

The first floor was easy. It was strange how easily we are able to fight together so flawlessly. Especially our first time working together. I took the guard down the hall while he took care of the one closer to him. There was one more guard at the end of the hall As I ran he shot at me. 

“Alex.” Cap called out. I looked behind my shoulder. He threw me the shield. Catching it I used it to deflect the guards shots, and got closer for me to use it to knock him down. 

“Thanks.” I said giving it back to him. Also I was a little put off that he called me Alex, but now wasn’t the time to mull over it.

The next two floors we took care of the guards. I watched as the others were escorted by Captain America. The symbol of freedom. It was so special to watch. Then realizing that things will be okay from now on.

After clearing the last floor I asked. “Is anyone here named Clay?”

None of them spoke up. I didn’t push, knowing that they’re still scared. Instead I walked into what used to be my old cell. I saw the tallies that I scratched into the wall. It was the way I kept track of the days.

“They’re all out. You know what happens now don’t you?” Cap said. He stands at the threshold of the cell not coming in. I understood. I didn’t want to be here either, but I needed to see if it was still here.

“I go back to a cell not so different from this one.” I pulled out the loose brick. There was my notebook. “I made my bed, and I will lay in it.” I knew this was where my path would lead. I was ready for it.

Turning around he was studying me. “This has all the names you need. Please get the rest of them.”

He took the book, and without looking away. “I’ll do it personally.”

I never felt the need to cry for a long time. As I’m escorted out of the building in cuffs I saw EMT’s, and police everywhere making sure that everyone was alright. As I know that I’ll never see any of them after today I know that’ll be finally okay. I felt pride in that.

Chapter 6

[princesscas]

Hello! I have watched the show for 15 years since the very first episode aired on WB and I was hooked. I was always a Dean Girl until Cas' entrance, and he has meant so much to me over the years because I see a lot of myself in Cas (strict religious upbringing, ace/demisexual, had to learn how to let myself express emotions). I have lurked near-daily for years and I want to thank you for your lovely blog! It has helped me through some tough times to have posts to look forward to. (1 of 2)

First off, hi fellow ace!!! *blasts ace of spades* Omg really?? Yay!! Thanks :3 I’ll still be here after the end. I’m not leaving anytime, if not ever pfft. 

I am still in shock because I have always seen how much Cas cared for Dean and hoped upon hopes that this would happen. I am VERY excited for the final episodes, and optimistic. :) I am writing my first tumblr asks now because I love your blog and am interested in your insight! I don't see people talking about this, but I had a couple thoughts last night. (2/3)

I love asks!! Send ‘em in whenever you want :D

Me too, usually my shock wears off by by day 3 but I still feel exactly how I did soon as the credits rolled. Can Thursday get here already? I can’t believe we’re 10 days away from the very last episode. Before 15x18, I was dreading the final, not looking forward to saying goodbye. But now? Bring it on Dabb, show me what you’ve got. I think a lot of people have more hope ever than before. 

Heck, I always thought if they were ever going to make Destiel canon (or even address their feelings) it would’ve been Season 8. And you know how that went. So by Season...10? 11? ‘All Hope Is Gone by Slipknot plays in the background’ Is how I felt. 

(1) I can't find it but when the crew (?) said "To his face. Twice!" on Twitter, where do you think the second "I love you." was? I thought this might refer to them watching two takes, but surely they did more than two. I’m not versed in television production so maybe it was just two takes, but I have a feeling they edited out a second “I love you.” You?(2) When Misha said that they told Jensen a couple months before filming, do you think it was before or after his hip surgery in December? (3/4)

I’d have to scrounge around the depths of Tumblr to find it but I swear I saw either @sunforgrace or @mittensmorgul talking about that the other day. Maybe someone else, the fandom is very active now so I can’t keep track haha. 

Ohh it would be sad but if there was going to be a second ILY, I’d think it would be right as Cas gets sucked by the Empty. Just...Dean’s laying there in shock and Cas screams out a final ‘I love you’ as he gets taken away once more, saving the one human who changed his perspective on the world. AWH CRAP I’VE MADE MYSELF SAD. 

Quick, someone write that, I crave angst every now and then lmao. 

Uhhh was it before?? I can’t remember, think I saw a post talking about it at some point too. 

(3) When Misha was talking in front of the Bean before his surgery, he said had Tylenol PM and was thinking of his ideal version for Castiel’s final moments on the show and crying. He kept saying he “thinks” he knows where the story's going and that it's really sad. It could have been the love confession, but I think there will be a happy ending that is also a tear-jerker. (3)I hope for Human!Cas in the end and can’t stop thinking about what a flirty drunk he was. :3 Thanks for being great blog!

I hope there’s a happy ending on the way. Killing everyone off...seems odd to me. I really, really hope they get their peace when they are done. I too would love to see Human!Cas. Canon Destiel with Dean talking about his feelings but Cas loses his angel powers? Good enough for me. uGH now I want a domestic scene of them in the bunker just having drinks and having fun. I’m literally counting on Dabb here. 

And thank you for sending these amazing messages!! :D 

[emachinescat]

By Night My Mind

A Tales of Arcadia: Wizards Fan-Fiction

by @emachinescat ​

@febuwhump​ day 19 - sleep deprivation 

Summary: Sequel to “Dying Is Easy.”  In the aftermath of the final battle against the Arcane Order, Douxie is plagued by guilt and nightmares about his part in Merlin’s death, and decides that he’s better off staying awake, which his battered and weary body does not take well.  Written for Febuwhump on Tumblr. Day 19: sleep deprivation

Characters: Douxie, Archie, Jim, Claire

Words: 4,719

TW: None

Notes: Sequel to “Dying Is Easy, Living (Without You) Is Harder,” and set in the same universe as “That I Could Fear a Door” and “Lest Back that Awful Door Should Spring.”  In this version of events, Douxie doesn’t have to leave with Nari, and is trying to adjust back to life in Arcadia after the events of “Dying Is Easy.”

Keep reading here, or on AO3!

If you enjoy, please consider liking, commenting, or re-blogging, and you can follow me for more content like this! :)

- From “Sonnet 27” by William Shakespeare

Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,

The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;

But then begins a journey in my head

To work my mind, when body’s work’s expired…

Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,

For thee, and for myself, no quiet find.

The night after his battle with the Arcane Order, Douxie slept more soundly than he could ever remember.  His near-death experience had left him with a litany of aches, pains, cuts, bruises, a couple of fractured ribs and a lot of unanswered questions - it should have been impossible for him to survive a fall from that height; every bone in his body should have been broken, and no one knew how he was still alive - but still he slept, his final meeting with Merlin and the restored Morgana fresh on his mind and a soothing balm through the night.

The trouble came the day after, when he nodded off while curled up on his couch with The Sword in the Stone distracting him from some unpleasant thoughts and a nagging guilt that had begun to crop up, slowly but steadily, over the course of his day.  No one knew that the hokey, mostly plotless Disney movie was his favorite, and he preferred to keep it that way.  It had always amused him, Merlin as a bit of a crackpot and Arthur a poor young boy running around after a magical master who only halfway knew what he was doing at any given time - it reminded him of himself, and of home.

But he was exhausted from the muscle relaxer he’d been prescribed when Jim and Claire had practically kidnapped him and forced him to let Jim’s mom, a doctor, examine him, and he fell asleep right when Mad Madam Mim issued her challenge to Merlin and for a few wonderful moments, there was nothing, and he could rest.

He woke with a yell only minutes later (Merlin was now turning into a germ to outwit the atrocious purple dragon), fighting desperately against the effects of the muscle relaxers that were already trying to pull him under again.  He couldn’t even remember what it was that woke him, what he’d seen in his dreams, but it didn’t matter.  Whatever it was - and he had a good idea - it left him trembling, short of breath, on the verge of tears.

“Douxie?”

Archie padded into the room and hopped up on the couch beside his friend, eyes full of concern behind his glasses.

“I’m fine, Archie.  Just a nightmare.”

“I miss him, too,” the cat said solemnly, reflective gaze compassionate and sad as he observed his human friend.  “Perhaps we should talk--”

“Talking won’t bring him back,” Douxie snapped, and Archie flinched back the tiniest amount and fell silent, looking more like a chastised pet than Douxie had ever seen him.  The wizard sighed.  “I’m sorry, Archie.  I just don’t want to talk, that's all.”  He rubbed the furry head with distracted affection, then moved from the couch and pulled up a hard-backed kitchen chair, and sat in that.  

He didn’t feel like sleeping so much anymore, even if the burning of his eyes told him otherwise.  He turned off the movie - it suddenly held no appeal.  The Disney+ main screen took its place, and he clicked on something at random.  He was so caught up in his bleak mood and dark thoughts that he didn’t even realize for a solid ten minutes that he was watching Hannah Montana. 

***

Dr. Lake called him at five and asked how the muscle relaxers were treating him - “Are they keeping the pain and back spasms at bay? Are you taking them with food? Have you been able to rest?” Douxie placated her with lies on all accounts, but the truth was that he was sore even with the medicine, he hadn't taken it with food because he couldn't bring himself to eat, and every time he closed his eyes he felt the unfathomable pain of being run through all over again, or, worse, he saw Merlin kneeling over him, sacrificing his life for Douxie’s stupid mistake, and that wasn’t worth any benefits rest gave him.

***

He did finally fall asleep that night around eleven, not by choice - he’d been forced to take another muscle relaxer when the pain in his ribs and back crescendoed to nearly unbearable levels, and the drug worked quickly despite his best efforts to stay awake.

The dream was, at the beginning, not good, but not nightmare material, either.  He found he was reliving his final conversation with Merlin, in that Nowhere between life and death where his mentor had waited patiently for him to arrive before moving on at last, after 900 long years.  

At first the conversation was much the same as it had been, and Douxie found a thread of comfort in Merlin’s reassurances - I told you, my boy, I chose to die for you.  I want no part of a world without you in it.  And I am happy, reunited with my dear friend and first apprentice, ready to step into the next chapter.  

But this time, right before Merlin stepped through the door into the light, he turned and contemplated his grieving apprentice with a cold look.  “Although,” he said, accusation seeping from every word, “it is true that I wouldn’t have had to give my life for you if you hadn’t bungled things up so much in the first place.”

Douxie felt his heart stutter to a stop and he stammered, “W-what?”

“Couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you?” Merlin hissed, his eyes flashing dangerously.  “It was my fight.  And if you were going to interfere, why not cast some other spell that kept us both out of harm’s way?”

Floundering for any purchase on solid ground, Douxie finally managed, “I didn’t know how - the magic, it just responded -”

“You were always good at making excuses, Hisirdoux,” the wizard snarled.  “The faith I thought I had in your abilities was obviously misplaced.”  A terrible, eternal beat of silence.  Then - “Perhaps I should have let you die after all.  It’s no more than you deserve.”

“But Master -”

“I’m done with you.”  With a dismissive wave of his arm, Merlin stomped into the waiting light of the unknown, muttering, “Might as well enjoy your life since you ended mine to save it.”

And Douxie was left alone in the between-space, and the tower crumbled around him in time with his soul, and he let it bury him, book after book crashing on his head, and he hoped that this time, he wouldn’t wake up at all….

It’s all my fault.

He woke up crying, not screaming, and shortly after he flushed the muscle relaxers while Archie wasn’t looking (the wise familiar would most certainly have not approved), splashed his face with icy water, and grabbed his well-read copy of The Catcher in the Rye and forced his eyes across the familiar words in a vain attempt to distract him from the loathing and pain and guilt that screamed through his aching head and pounded out a tattoo of shame that persisted through the lonely, sleepless night.

***

Two days later, he returned to work, and his manager stared openly at his disheveled appearance.  Douxie had slept a grand total of four hours since he’d tossed the pills, and those had been intermittent catnaps that his body had forced him to take.  Eventually, though the thought of using his magic made his skin crawl now after what it had done to Merlin, he conjured a simple alarm clock that sensed when he fell asleep and screeched metal core at him every time it happened.

He knew he looked bad - he’d seen a glimpse of himself in the mirror before he left.  His face was thinner than usual, pinched in pain that tylenol just wasn’t cutting through - but anything else would make him fall asleep.  Although all of the bruising was centralized around his back and chest and invisible beneath his rumpled t-shirt, it looked like he’d been punched in both eyes, with the dark, puffy circles accenting each one.  He’d been too out of it to properly bother with styling his hair, or brushing it, if he were honest, and he was pretty sure he was wearing two different combat boots.  They were both black, though, so maybe no one would notice.  He didn’t have the energy to care if they did.

“Damn,” said his manager, Jeff.  “I think you came back from sick leave a little too soon, man.  You look awful.”

Douxie shrugged, not trusting himself to speak.  He’d been screaming from one emotion to the next with no warning ever since he woke up, and even though he felt rather empty at the moment, he knew it was distinctly possible that if he opened his mouth he might start crying against his will.

“I think you should go back home.  Have you seen a doctor?”

Douxie grunted in affirmation.  

“Go home until you’re feeling better, Douxie.  Seriously, man, you have to take care of yourself.”

The hollowness inside of him filled with irritation at the dismissal.  “I’m fine,” he growled sullenly.  

His manager blinked, surprised at the tone.  Douxie had always been a model employee, respectful and fun to be around.  

“You’re going to scare customers away,” Jeff insisted.  “You can’t wait tables like this - people will be afraid you’ll give them whatever plague you’ve come down with.”

With a snarl, Douxie spat, “Why can’t things just go back to normal?”  He stormed out before his bewildered manager could answer.

***

The next afternoon, someone knocked at his door.  He cast a suspicious side-eye at Archie, who sat innocently on the table, tail tucked contritely around his carefully arranged paws as he studied Merlin’s magic book, the one Douxie had refused to touch since returning home.  Archie had disappeared for a short time earlier, flapping out of the window in dragon form and saying that he was just going for a short flight to clear his head.  Now Douxie wondered if the dragon had actually gone out and told someone of his worries about his wizard familiar.  After all, Archie had been on his case constantly over the past few days, practically begging his friend to sleep, to eat, to talk, and Douxie always ignored him and had even yelled at him on a couple of occasions.  

Douxie was picking at a bowl of dragon-popped popcorn listlessly, the small desire for food that he’d felt earlier having been immediately usurped by a fresh waves of undulating guilt and devastating emptiness.  A smattering of empty cans - soda and energy drinks - lay crumpled on the coffee table around Archie, and the dregs of his latest cup of coffee were still warm.  He seriously considered just ignoring the knocking until whoever it was went away - they’d promised to give him some time to recover, after all - but then they started ringing the doorbell and his head already hurt so badly it made his stomach curdle, so he made the tremendous journey to his feet.  He swayed, his limbs like pool noodles, head swimming with dizziness at the effort to stay upright.

Each step toward the door - that incessant, too-loud doorbell was going to drive him mad! - was a hard-fought battle, and by the time his hand reached for the doorknob, he felt like he was going to be sick, and his vision was blurred, and he was having trouble remembering why he had gotten up in the first place.

Then the doorbell rang again, and a muffled voice called his name from the other side of the door, and he remembered.

It was Claire and Jim.  The moment they laid eyes on him, their expressions went from concerned to relieved to something Douxie couldn’t quite identify but that might have been a kind of shock, or even horror.

“Douxie!” Claire half-shouted, and Douxie fought the urge to cover his ears as her voice, normally pleasant and soothing, tried its hardest to split his head in two.  “What happened?”

Douxie squinted at her in confusion.  Shouldn’t she know what happened?  She had been there, for parts of it, at least.  She’d heard about the rest.  He could barely stand up straight anymore, and his eyes started closing of their own accord.  This had happened so many times before, but as soon as sleep started to stake its claim, the memories and nightmares and things that might have been memories followed, mixing up into a blur that he couldn’t navigate, and then his magic alarm clock would blare, and he would wake up, and drink another Mountain Dew or Monster or cup of coffee, and try to do something to take his mind off of sleep and pain and Merlin.  Then the whole process would start over again.

This time, it didn’t look like he would make it back to the couch before he passed out - the arduous trek to the front door had drained him, made him breathless and dizzy - and he was toppling forward, trying to force himself to wake up, battling sleep and the panic of sleep, or worse, hitting his head and being knocked out and forced to sleep.

“Whoa!”  He startled awake to a hazy reality as Jim caught his stumbling form and propped him up the best that he could given how much taller Douxie was than him.  Distantly, Douxie heard, “Claire, help me get him inside.”

And then Claire slung his other arm over her shoulder and they half-supported, half-dragged him back into his house, and though his eyes were on his couch, he realized that they were taking him past it, further into the house, in the direction of his bedroom, and he began to struggle against them.

“No, not there,” he gasped, knowing that if he had a mattress under his body and a soft pillow under his bed, there would be no way he could resist the siren call of sleep.  He’d been avoiding his bed for days now.

But they didn’t listen, and soon they helped ease him onto his bed, perpetually unmade, and he scrambled up clumsily into a facsimile of a sitting position and shook his head to clear it of the gummy cobwebs that infested it.  Archie, having followed the trio closely, literally hovering right over their shoulders, perched on Douxie’s desk and kept his lamp-lit eyes on his human, watchful and protective.  

As soon as their charge was no longer in any immediate danger of hurting himself, Jim pulled out his cell phone.  “I’m calling my mom.”

“No, no,” Douxie said, forcing his burning eyes open as far as he could and making a feeble swipe at the phone in his friend’s hand.  Jim hesitated, his thumb hovering over the send button.  

“You are obviously not feeling well,” he said.  “And you look sick.  You need to see a doctor before --”

“I’m not sick,” Douxie explained, trying to project an air of wellness that he couldn’t even muster within himself.  At their doubtful looks, he clarified, “Just a little tired.”

“You don’t look like you’ve slept in a month!” Claire exclaimed worriedly.  “We promised to give you a few days to yourself to heal and rest, not turn into one of the living dead!”

“It’s only been a few days,” Douxie assured her.  “I just need to sort some things out in my head, that’s all.  Then I’ll sleep.”  It was a lie, but he needed them to believe it, needed them to go home and go on with their lives and not sit here worrying about him - or worse, try to make him sleep.  He appreciated their concern, and was touched that he had friends who cared so much about his well-being, but they had more important things to deal with - Jim’s transition from being half-troll to enslaved hulk troll to fully human and the loss of his amulet, for starters.  And he had made this mess on his own, this was his fault, so if his punishment was to never sleep again, it should be his to bear alone.  He didn’t deserve to be worried about, he suddenly realized - that was the crux of why he wanted to be left alone so badly.

“A few days without sleep will wreck you, man,” Jim said seriously, his blue eyes offering nothing but concern.  He did pocket his phone again, though, for which Douxie heaved a sigh of relief.  “Trust me, I know.”

Douxie didn’t know the details, but he had heard stories from Claire and Toby about how Jim had, over a year ago, willingly gone into the Darklands, a hellish nightmare-scape beneath the skin of this world, and Claire had told, her own eyes haunted, of how he had come back not himself, traumatized, and how he’d barely slept nor ate and had become a shell of his former self.  

So he asked, voice far more unsure than he felt comfortable with, “How did you move on?  How did you get back to normal?”

He hated himself for sounding so weak.  He’d lived 701 years.  He’d lost people he cared about so regularly that he’d eventually tried to avoid personal connections.  Such was the curse of being a wizard, and being functionally immortal.  The world around him would turn, but he would not age - or rather, he would age slowly, at the pace of his own choosing - and people would die, wars would rise up and die down, and still he would live, watching it all, alone.  That wasn’t true.  Even if Merlin had been entombed for much of that time, he hadn’t been dead, not really.  The knowledge that he would see his mentor again had kept Douxie going during the loneliest of times, during the most devastating losses.  

And, of course, he’d had Archie, a constant companion who even now had done everything he could to help his friend, and when that hadn’t worked, when Douxie had been too stubborn to listen, he’d taken it upon himself to gather more of Douxie’s friends and staged an intervention.  If Douxie hadn’t been so exhausted and his mind hadn’t been so muddy, he might have been grateful or touched by the gesture and loyalty, but right now, he just felt irritated, like his privacy had been infringed upon.

Jim blinked.  “Well, uh,” he stammered, glancing at Claire before continuing, “it took time, first of all.  But, honestly, it was my friends.  But it took talking to someone who had gone through the same thing as me, who understood what I was going through, to first start the healing.”

Douxie shook his head.  “Everybody loses people,” he said slowly.  “But this feels different.”

“Just because everyone deals with loss doesn’t make your experiences any less important, Douxie,” Archie said sagely.  He was the only one in the room who had a true scope of all the heartbreaks Douxie had accumulated over his centuries of life in a world of short-lived mortals.

“It’s not that.” Douxie was desperate now for them to understand the truth. Then maybe they would stop being so kind to him.  Dream-Merlin had been right.  He didn’t deserve it.  “Don’t you see?  It’s my fault Merlin’s dead.  I killed him.”

Jim froze at his words, looking like he’d just been struck across the face.  For a moment, Douxie wondered why he reacted the way he did, but then remembered that Jim had been the one to hold Douxie down when Morgana was going to kill him.  He hadn’t been in his right mind, had been enslaved by the Arcane Order, but still, he had, in a small way, been the reason that Douxie had been forced into doing the switching magic that he had.  Still, Douxie could find no ill will in him against the Trollhunter.  He’d not been in control of his own mind.  Douxie had.

“I am so sorry,” Jim started, but Douxie immediately cut him off.

“It’s not your fault.  You weren’t you.  But me…”

“You have to see the truth,” Jim insisted urgently, now moving to take a seat on the bed next to his older friend.  Sure, they hadn’t known each other all that long, but going through the things they had and saving the world together tended to bring people closer together rather more quickly than usual, in his experience.  “It wasn’t your fault.  You did everything you could to save Merlin.  You took a sword in the gut for him.”  Douxie flinched internally at the reminder of the agony, the feeling of dying, the cold and the dark.  

“Yeah, Douxie,” Claire chimed in.  “You’re a hero.  You saved him.”

“If I’d had more control over that magic, if I’d channeled it a different way or done a different spell, then we might both be alive.”  He was so tired, but the conversation held him in its grip, and he couldn’t sleep anyway, he’d go back to the sword and Merlin’s death and the wizard’s tower where Merlin would tell him again that he’d failed.

“Douxie, you’re the one who’s been teaching me more magic!” Claire reminded him.  “One of the things I learned from my Shadow Staff - and that you’ve continued to show me - is that magic is emotion.  You can’t always control what magic is going to do when you are in a moment of fear or anger or desperation.  Magic reacts to your emotions.  And Jim’s right.  What you did was very brave and selfless.”

“That’s why Merlin gave his life to save you in return,” Archie added.  “That, and because he loved you, very much.”

Douxie felt the sting of hot tears carving pathways down his face and didn’t bother to wipe them off.  He felt like having a full-on temper tantrum, flopping onto his stomach and screaming and sobbing and slamming his fists into the ground and letting his magic explode out of him with all the force of the emotions and exhaustion that had built up inside.  He knew if he did that, though, he would just end up hurting someone else.

So he asked a question he was ashamed to ask, because it made it sound like he blamed Merlin instead of himself, “If he loved me, why did he leave?  Why didn’t he let me make my sacrifice?  It was like what I did didn’t matter.  I saved him because I don’t want to live without him, but that’s just what he forced me to do.”

Archie flapped off the desk and landed on the bed on the other side of his friend.  Placing a paw on Douxie’s leg, he spoke gently, as if to a lost child, “Merlin was a great wizard” -- Douxie sobbed -- “but he was also very selfish sometimes.  That comes with great power and an ego left unchecked paired with a very long life.  Merlin saved you because he couldn’t bear to think of a world without you in it.  Nor,” said the dragon, nuzzling Douxie’s elbow affectionately, “can I, for that matter.”

“But if I --”

“No buts,” said Archie.  “This was not your fault.  And I know Merlin told you the same.”

“He did,” Douxie admitted.  “But then he didn’t.  Every time I sleep, I see him, and he tells me… he tells me that I f-failed, that he’s d-dead because of me, and that I don’t deserve to live.”

“Oh, Douxie,” Claire breathed softly, sinking down into his desk chair.

“That’s not Merlin telling you that,” Jim spoke up.  Something raw lingered in his eyes.  “It’s the lies you are telling yourself.  I know because for weeks after the Darklands, I…” He cast his gaze briefly at Claire, and even in his semi-conscious state, Douxie got the feeling that he hadn’t even told his girlfriend this before.  “I had dreams every night of Claire, Toby, Blinky, Aaarrrgghh, everyone telling me I should have stayed in the Darklands.  Should have died there, because I wasn’t strong or brave enough, and I went in alone and betrayed them, and that they were better off and happier without me.  For a while, I believed them.”

Claire was crying quietly now, her hands pressed against her lips.

“But then,” Jim continued, “the more time I spent with my friends, and talked to them, I began to be able to separate their truth from my own lies.  Like I said earlier, you really need to talk to someone who gets it, you know.  And even though we’ve experienced a lot of the same things, it’s not me.”  He looked pointedly at the small black dragon who was currently in the same place he’d always been - at Douxie’s side.  

“I miss him too.”  Archie repeated his words from a few days ago.  “And I am here for you, Douxie.”  He must have seen the doubt festering in Douxie’s eyes and he reassured, “I do not blame you for what happened.  No one does.  The Merlin in your dreams is not real.  He is spitting your own self-doubts and guilt right back into your face, but deep down, you know the truth.  The real Merlin told you.  Jim and Claire told you.  And I am promising you - Merlin died because he chose to in order to save you because after all he had seen and done and all the years he’d lived, the one thing he was terrified of was having to light your funeral pyre.  And Merlin never did anything he didn’t want to do.  No one could have stopped him from making that choice.”

The words struck something deep inside of Douxie, and he felt the tiniest fraction of weight shift in his chest.  “M’be,” he slurred, so tired that his friends were all now blobs of blue, black, and purple.  A giant bruise.  He chuckled, a bit madly.  

“Okay, Douxie,” came Claire’s voice, distant and very close at the same time.  “I think you really need to lie down now.  You’ve been awake for too long.”

She and Jim helped him lie down.  Weakly, he protested, “I cn’t sleep.”

“You can,” said Jim.  “Take Archie’s words with you if you end up facing that dream-Merlin again.  Remember that we’re here for you.  None of us will leave you while you sleep, okay?”

“Yeah, we’ll be right here when you wake up, and if you have nightmares, we’ll remind you of the truth,” Claire promised.

“And I will guard you,” Archie vowed, retaking his cat form and curling up protectively over his closest friend’s heart.  “You are safe here.”

Douxie could resist the call of sleep no longer.  He closed his eyes and let it take him, and he felt the warm weight of Archie on his chest and the presence of his friends around him and the slightest of smiles curved his lips as he drifted off.

***

Thirty seconds after Douxie grew still upon the bed, his three friends let out a collective sigh of relief.  

Thirty seconds after that, Jim and Claire let out a collective yell of shock and Archie leapt to his paws, hissing and arching his back, as a giant, misty alarm clock appeared out of thin air and started screeching a terrible cacophony of wailing guitars and screaming vocals at top volume.

“What the--?” Claire shouted over the racket, slamming her hands over her ears.

“I forgot,” Archie called back, “he cast this spell to wake him up when he fell asleep.”

And yet, this time, Douxie still slept.

“Can you turn it off?” Jim yelled.

“No, only Douxie can undo the spell.”

Jim considered this for a moment and shook his head.  “Let him sleep.  He needs it.”  

And despite the loud, jarring music, he, Claire, and Archie kept their promise and stayed faithfully at their friend’s side until, four hours later, he woke up long enough to blessedly vanish the clock.

Then, like a little boy with a teddy bear, the already fading Douxie pulled a startled Archie into his arms and held him tight, curling up on his side with his furry prize.  Although uncomfortable in his new position and robbed of his draconian dignity, Archie snuggled in and purred, content to listen to the steady breathing of his deeply sleeping familiar.

[titless-wonder]

Four days post-op.

Today's walk was exquisite. It also produced a lot of extra fluid in the drains... So glad my wife is helping me in general an on drain duty.

I can do about 80% of my usual activities of daily living (ADLs). I can feed, dress, bathe, toilet, and more. I cannot open doors or lift my arms above shoulder level.

Was speaking to a friend about what I did to prepare and what I wish I knew.

To prepare:

1. Everything you need should be at shoulder height or below because I cannot lift my arms above shoulder height and you probably won't either.

- clothes are clean but in a laundry basket so I can pick what I want

- shampoo and soap is placed at belly button height in the shower

- bowls should be down at your height too ours are not as our kitchen was built for a giant man. Neither of us are giant men. So, bring bowls, cups, plates, cereal, etc down to the counter

2. Button down shirts and sweatshirts will be your garb for a while. I lost 30 lbs in the past year and was about to get rid of many work shirts (button downs) but kept them and I'm so glad I did. Although it feels weird to sleep in business casual clothing, the buttons save the day because I cannot lift my arms up so tee-shirts are out for a while.

3. Elastic pants/shorts are also essential. Boxers/underpants are good and easy to manage. But for outerwear elastic pants/shorts are key. Easy on and off which is nice. Plus, the IV fluid causes bloating and some medication causes constipation so elastic is not only comfortable, it's essential.

4. You will probably wear a compression vest. I am. It is ironic and strange to wear a binder after having the titties removed but it helps with recovery. The binder zips in front and has hook/eye clasps between the zipper and skin to help you zip it up. Wear it.

5. The world is full of doors I cannot open. I'm now allowed. So plan ahead and get used to understanding why the neighbor's dog barks and howls when they're ready to go inside. That includes the our fridge because the door is heavy. A physical therapist friend advised me to use a dog leash around the fridge door handle and tug it open with my body so I could still access the ice cream. Lol

6. Nutrition is also key. As the body heals it needs nutrients and sleep. So snacks sound nice but won't get you the results you want. Therefore, invest in healthy well balanced food and meals with plenty of protein and veggies, cut down on the snacks, and stock up on dissolvable vitamins.

7. A lower bed. We have two beds. Our bed is about hip height and I can't comfortably get it and out of it independently. It is too tall. The guest bed is lower, about knee height. It works much better for me. I reposition using my head and legs, no arms because that's not allowed (and it hurts).

8. Wedge pillow for the first night. Extra pillows to support the body and arms. Invest in a couple extra pillows and wedge pillow if you can. The first night the wedge helped immensely.

9. Slip on shoes. For the sake of you and your help/love/partner/parents/whoever, get some of the stretchy laces on a comfortable pair of broken in but still functional running shoes. You'll both be thankful that they're easy to get on. Or find a pair of slip on shoes.

10. Tylenol (paracetamol) is your friend. Take it as allowed. It will help. And get ahead of the pain. Don't wait until you feel pain to take something.

11. Laxatives and/or metamucil or something to help your poor bowels recover from anesthesia and medication which will cause constipation. Don't be shy about it and don't wait.

Ask away if you have questions!

[lifblogs]

Whumptober 2020 No 26. IF YOU THOUGHT THE HEAD TRAUMA WAS BAD... Migraine | Concussion | Blindness

I Don’t Want to Be You Anymore

Castiel couldn’t get out of bed. It wasn’t a very impressive bed, as far as beds went. It was lumpy, and creaked a lot, and he was pretty sure one of the boards in the middle of the underside of the frame was cracked. Yet now it felt like the greatest thing in the world.

In his dark room, Castiel’s head hurt, the pain unrelenting. It throbbed and refused to leave. It was just there, like some unwanted bug that no one could figure out how to kill or set loose. Of course in this case, the bug was a massive arachnid bigger than a human being, and it had gotten him with its stinger. Or maybe it wasn’t a bug. What else could hurt him badly? An elephant?

The similes were stupid.

His head hurt. That’s what mattered.

Castiel couldn’t figure out why it hurt.

Did humans just go through this, and never speak of it, and power through? Was it normal? Or was it abnormal? Did he have to call Dean about this?

The pain increased, like a hammer had smashed against the left side of his skull. He put a hand to it, feeling like he had to hold his brain in, or else it’d fall out through his agonized head. A whimper left him, and he rolled onto his right side.

Oh no. Bad idea. Very bad idea.

The motion now taught him that the pain wasn’t the only thing afflicting him. The world spun, even with his eyes closed. And he felt like he was going to be sick.

Forcing himself to take deep breaths, he reached out for his phone.

He had to call Dean. He just had to. He needed help.

Being in a human body was so new to him, that he just didn’t know what to do. And even if he did, how was he supposed to get out of bed?

If he stood up he’d fall over.

That was the last thing he wanted.

Castiel kept his eyes closed, realizing the dark was better than even the bit of light coming in through the motel room window. Funny that humans feared the dark, and now he would hug it if it had a physical manifestation.

He groped for his phone, and there was a clattering that seemed to sound his doom.

His phone had fallen on the floor.

Castiel cracked his eyes open, and tears immediately formed, blurring his vision. Throat aching from the build up of emotion, the corners of his eyes and his sinuses pricking, Castiel wished for his Grace back. He wished for it every moment, every day, but in this moment he just couldn’t handle it anymore. He’d already been hurt, degraded, forced to have to do human things like brush his teeth and pee. It was barbaric, and not right for an angel. How had Anna done it? Why had she voluntarily chosen a life of needing to sleep and eat and empty one’s body of bacteria? How could anyone even live like this? Didn’t they get sick of it? Didn’t they yearn for something more? Didn’t they wish they didn’t have a body that was constantly whining like a needy small child?

In that moment when he searched for his phone and tried to hold back the feelings of hatred at what his life had become, Castiel realized how honorable Sam and Dean were. They didn’t just go through life. They didn’t just work to keep themselves alive. They willingly exerted themselves, let themselves get hurt, exhausted, all to save others. All to bring a little light into the world.

Castiel found his phone.

The first thing he did was turn the brightness down, and then after a few minutes of clumsy motions with his thumb over the screen, he managed to call Dean. He put it on speaker, not wanting sound so close to his ear.

“Hey, Cas, what’s up?”

“My head hurts.” There seemed to be no other way to describe it.

“Uh… that’s not good news.”

Dean didn’t seem to be taking it seriously, even sounded slightly annoyed.

“It’s horrible,” Castiel got out. “And I can’t move it or else I feel like I’m going to be sick. Fuck, Dean, even light hurts.”

“You sure those are your symptoms?”

“Do you want me to ask my head for its opinion?” Castiel asked, voice rich and biting with sarcasm.

“Right, right. Sorry.” There was long pause, so long that Castiel thought that maybe Dean had hung up. Then: “Okay, just let me look something up.”

“Fuck.”

Dean reprimanded, “Language!”

Castiel groaned, and then asked, voice quiet, tired, “Don’t you say it all the time?”

“Shut up.”

Castiel decided that was actually a really good idea.

He waited for Dean to finish typing away at his laptop, and clinking on links, and reading.

Finally: “Okay, yeah, just what I thought.” How insightful. Castiel would’ve rolled his eyes if it didn’t feel like the pain was about to push them out of his head, and stage a coup to take over his entire brain. “You’ve got a migraine.”

“A migraine?” Castiel asked.

“Uh, so it’s a really bad headache.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

“Okay, hold on, looking up an exact definition now. Uh… ‘A headache of varying intensity, often accompanied by nausea and sensitivity to light and sound.’”

“No kidding.”

Dean read on, “‘Migraine headaches are sometimes preceded by warning symptoms. Triggers include…’ duh-duh-duh… ‘stress.’ You been stressed?”

“No,” Castiel snarked.

“Damn, being human is making you sarcastic.”

“Shut up. What can I do about it?”

“You got any Tylenol?”

“What’s that?”

Dean sighed. “Okay, I’m coming over there. I’ll just track your phone. Stay put.”

If Castiel wasn’t so sick he would laugh. There wasn’t any way he could go anywhere anyway.

Dean hung up, and Castiel dropped his phone to the floor, not caring if the screen cracked. His head throbbed mercilessly.

But Dean was coming.

Dean was coming to help him.

The world and reality of humanity — as Dean would say — sucked ass, and his best friend had kicked him out of the bunker, but at least he was going to help him.

Dean would be with him.

And even with the intense throbbing that bled and ground down right into his brain, Castiel felt just a tiny bit of hope.

[secretobsessionstuff]

Hi, I don't know if you're still taking prompts, but after reading your adorable carsickness fic for Madix I had an idea. Maybe the 4 of them (dakota, blair, riley, madix) are all stuck in a house together because of a storm (or quarantine lol) or something and madix is coming down with the stomach flu but he's trying to hard not to throw up for Riley's sake but eventually he does and dakota goes after him so riley doesn't have to but then riley sucks it up and does anyway

Oh my gosh thank you for this lovely request! I hope you like it! 

---------------

Time: 19:00

It’s been 5 hours, 34 minutes, and 6 seconds since Madix and Riley had planned to leave Dakota and Blair’s place. It’s also been 5 hours, 35 minutes, and 6 seconds since the weather network issued a formal warning urging everybody to stay off the roads.

Madix looked out the window at the so-called dangerous driving conditions and was blinded by the moonlight bouncing off the snow. He squinted and let out a sigh. It looked like they wouldn’t be going home anytime soon.

“It’s your turn, Madix,” Riley called from the kitchen table.

Madix let the curtain drop, obscuring his view of the sweet outside world. His car was right there! They were 12 kilometers from their home! But a pile of snow was in the way. Though it had only been five hours, Madix felt like they had been prisoners in Dakota’s home for three weeks already. Of course, Dakota’s place was fine. It was warm and had all the food they could possibly need, but Madix wanted to go home.

He swallowed down a wave of nausea and rejoined his friends at the table. It’s been 5 hours, 21 minutes, and 22 seconds since Madix’s stomach-ache turned into more than a stomach-ache. When he realized that he probably wouldn’t be going home that night, his uneasy feeling grew into something worse. All day, he felt kind of achy and weird. It was only when the prospect of not sleeping in his own bed had sunk in that Madix started to feel sick to his stomach. He shivered, not because of the cold – the house was actually too warm – no, he shivered because he felt his stomach churn beneath his palm.

Sitting back down at the table, Madix gathered up the pile of obscenely offensive cards and watched as the words swam before his eyes. Only one of his friends’ cards could win and it was a choice between an insulting joke about religion, an insulting joke bout race, or an insulting joke about religion and race. Obviously, the latter won, but honestly, Madix wasn’t even paying attention anymore. He put his cards down on the table and rubbed his forehead.

Riley grinned and collected his winning card. He was sitting beside Madix with his hand on his boyfriend’s thigh under the table. As Madix let out a long exhale, he gave him a curious glance.

“Everything okay?”

“Mhm,” Madix nodded without lifting his head. “Who’s next?”

For a while, the game distracted his friends from realizing that Madix was slowly getting worse. He was talking less, burping into his fist, and generally feeling like a pile of crap. Unfortunately, no game or conversation could distract him from the way his body felt like it was being poisoned.

Eventually, the game ended. Blair had won, which prompted Dakota to wonder how she got so good at such a bad game. There wasn’t much else to do after that, so Dakota poured everyone a glass of wine and they just talked. As expected, Madix’s drink sat untouched for the next hour. At least now, he could excuse himself from the table without worrying that his turn would be coming up.

Time: 20:28

Madix had been in the bathroom for far too long; his friends were no doubt getting suspicious. But he needed the time to be alone. He leaned against the sink and allowed the pain to show on his face. He looked grey and exhausted. For the tenth time in the past five hours, he wished he were at home. Actually, if his wish could have come true, he would wish for his belly to stop hurting. He didn’t want to throw up, but as the night went on and the snow kept falling, that was looking more and more like a fantasy.

As Madix left the bathroom and turned the corner, he almost ran into Dakota.

“There you are,” Dakota said. His face was hard to see because the hallway was dark, but he looked concerned. “Are you okay?”

Madix didn’t know what his face looked like in the dim lighting, but he bet it wasn’t great. “I’m fine,” came his automatic reply, then he remembered he was talking to Dakota. “…sorta.”

“Sorta?”

Madix crumpled. He let his shoulder fall against the wall, too tired to hold himself. “I don’t feel well,” he breathed out.

Dakota put his hand on Madix’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you say anything? I have Advil or Tylenol or –”

“It’s my stomach.”

“Oh.”

“But I don’t want Riley to know.”

Dakota frowned and got closer to his friend so he could hear better. Madix did look quite pale and shaky.

Madix carried on. “It’ll freak him out if I’m sick while we’re all stuck here.”

“Do you think you caught a bug?”

Madix groaned and hugged his stomach. “I don’t know, but please don’t tell him.” He started walking back to the bathroom, hoping Dakota would follow. “I’ll just take some nausea meds and ride it out.”

“If you’re sure…” Dakota said hesitantly as he pushed pills out of a blister pack. He handed them to Madix who took them gratefully. In the proper light, Dakota could see that his friend looked horrible. His cheeks flushed, and his collar was rimmed with sweat. “I’m sorry you can’t go home. Let me know how else I can help.”

“Just don’t tell Riley.”

The boys returned to the living room where the four of them were now sitting. Throughout the conversation, Dakota kept looking at his friend. Madix was next to Riley, but looked very uncomfortable. His fists were clenched around the fabric of his shirt. Each time he blinked, he kept his eyes shut for ten seconds.

It was nice that Riley seemed relaxed, Madix thought. Part of him wanted to curl up next to his boyfriend, and another part wanted to stay as far away as possible for multiple reasons. For starters, his stomach was making all these sick noises every few minutes. The pills weren’t helping much and now all he could feel was water sloshing around inside him. Also, thanks to the heat in his cheeks and heaviness in his head, Madix was almost certain he had a fever. He certainly didn’t want anyone else to catch whatever he had, but he felt like a bomb. It was only a matter of when.

During one of those ten second blinks, Madix suddenly needed to snap his eyes open as he heard his name being said. “What?” he looked around as if in a daze.

Riley had taken Madix’s hand to get his attention. “You sleepy, babe? You haven’t said anything in a while.”

“Just tired.” He smiled sleepily, hoping that he seemed fine.

“You look a bit pale,” Blair said. She was lying against Dakota but leaned forward to get a better look at Madix. “Doesn’t he?”

Riley cocked his head to the side and looked at Madix. “Yeah, kinda. Are you feeling okay?”

Madix didn’t like having everyone look at him at once. He knew he looked bad, and he knew his friends were just worried. He glanced at Dakota who was rather hard to read in that moment. He was actually hoping for Dakota to save him but that didn’t happen.

What did happen though is that Madix’s stomach chose that moment to gurgle. Oh God, this can’t be happening, he thought. The room was suddenly boiling hot. His skin felt all tingly and slick with sweat.

“Babe, talk to us.” Riley’s voice was like a faraway sound at this point to Madix. His head was spinning, and his vision was blurry. He knew he was in trouble when saliva flooded his mouth. If he was planning on saying anything, that plan was never going to come to fruition. Madix’s stomach lurched, causing him to gag. He shot forward, clamped a hand over his mouth and sprang up from the couch.

The three of them were left staring at Madix’s back as the poor boy ran down the hall. Riley looked confused and spooked at the same time. He was awkwardly sitting on the side of the couch, as if he wanted to get up.

Dakota actually did get up. “It’s okay, I got him.” He went after him.

In the bathroom, Dakota found his friend on his knees, heaving into the toilet. He knelt down next to Madix just as a torrent of sick gushed from his mouth.

“Alright,” Dakota said as he put a hand between Madix’s shoulder blades. “That’s it, man, you’re okay.”

There wasn’t time in between retches for Madix to acknowledge his friend’s presence; he was too busy purging his body of everything he ate that day. However, Madix liked the feeling of Dakota’s heavy hand on his back. He focused on that feeling rather than his belly that was in turmoil.

The room was swaying, and his head was fuzzy. He burped a few times before beginning the next round of vomiting. He made a strange strangled sound in his throat as his stomach sent up another mouthful of puke. A sob escaped in between gags.

“Oh Madix,” Dakota cooed. He was still rubbing his back. “I’ve got you, everything’s fine.”

With his head still hovering over the toilet bowl, Madix caught his breath and spat a glob of saliva. “I feel awful, Kota.” His voice came out sounding thick and strained.

“I’m sorry.” Dakota felt stupid saying that, as if an apology would make it all better. “It’s just a bug though, you’ll get through this.”

Madix groaned and rested his head on his arms that were crossed over the toilet. “How’s Riley?”

“I’m fine.”

Both boys looked towards the door where the new voice came from. Riley was leaning against the doorframe, looking like he was using the wall as a shield. He took a step into the bathroom. “Who cares about me, though. How are you doing, babe?”

“Not great, Ry,” Madix said before burping into his hand. It was the first honest thing he said to Riley for a while now. Seeing his boyfriend’s face, Madix suddenly felt smaller and cold. He reached his hand out towards Riley, craving a bit of contact. To his surprise, Riley joined Madix on the floor, replacing Dakota.

Riley grabbed Madix’s hand and pulled it to his chest. “I’m gonna look after you.”

That little bit of comfort made Madix melt. He instantly let out a small whimper of pain and allowed Riley to take him into a hug. With his face smothered into his boyfriend’s chest, he let the tension out of his back. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Riley said while petting Madix’s damp hair. “Now, let’s get you out of this shirt, you’re drenched in sweat.”

Madix pulled away from the hug. “I’m going to be sick again.”

Judging by Madix’s relatively calm state, Riley guessed he meant later in the night. Nonetheless, he would stay by him when it happened. “That’s fine. Let’s at least move you to a bed and get you in clean clothes.”

Again, it was as if a weight was lifted from Madix’s shoulders. “You’re the best.”

“I’m trying”

Madix resisted the urge to kiss Riley. He settled for a smile. “I know that.”

[agustdef]

Knuckleheads - Part 1

Pairing: Yoongi x OC [From Here & Now]

Genre: Idol!AU; Some fluff; Angst

Word Count: 12.6k

Warning: Angst. Some Language. Medical emergency. Unhealthy habits. (Not eating. Not sleeping. Just not taking care of one self in favor of working too much.)

Rating: PG15

Banner Marker: @shadowsremedy​

Lovely Beta Reader: @shadowsremedy​

Author’s Note: So, this is part of a two-shot for the Bangtan Scenery ‘April Showers Bring May Flowers’ collab. So this month you get the angst and next month comes the fluff. I promise I won’t just leave people hanging with this ending.

P.S. The creator of this lovely banner is also my posting twin and is giving us some angst with a Jungkook x Reader story here.

Summary: When you refuse to take care of yourself, you’re accepting that the consequences may vary. Or Kendall and Yoongi can’t seem to find a balance within their work and it’s doing more damage than they think.

Kendall's fingers flew across the keyboard, her eyes focused solely on the open document in front of her. She was almost at the end and could feel it or at least that's what she tricked herself into believing. In truth she still had a few more chapters to write, but the end of chapter goal was what kept her going.

Lying to herself was the way to get stuff done.

And after twenty minutes of typing away, the chapter was finished. Kendall then took a short break to drink some water and flex her fingers, but it wasn't long before she was on the next chapter. There were deadlines she needed to meet and getting ahead was her only goal for the day.

Even if that meant she was glued to her chair for twenty-four hours.

Time passed quickly as she wrote, especially since she'd gotten lost into the world she was weaving. Before she knew it, it was midnight and she was writing the final words of her last chapter of the day. She'd breezed through writing two of them and pushed for three more, even though her eyes were begging for a break.

Just as she typed the last word, she heard an aggressive vibration coming from the drawer in her desk. Confused, she opened it up to see her phone squirming around, which made no sense since she'd told everyone to leave her be for the day.

Kendall pulled the phone out of the drawer and flipped it over just as the vibrations stopped. And when she saw the screen her eyes nearly fell out of her head.

There were twelve missed calls from Yoongi.

She'd completely forgotten that they were supposed to have a facetime that night.

He was going to be pissed.

Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the phone and called him back. As she waited and was forced to see the reflection of herself, she realized she'd forgotten to do all her skincare that morning. Her face was beyond dry, but she didn't have time to remedy that because Yoongi was answering her call.

The expression on his face was blank, but she could see the annoyance in his eyes and the way his jaw was rigid.

"Hi Yoon," she said.

Being calm was her best option, because if she tried to play innocent or too sweet, he'd be even more annoyed with her than he was. And she honestly felt bad so that was the last thing she wanted.

A minute went by and he just stared at her, his eyes almost never blinking. It made the silent treatment even more uncomfortable.

Kendall sighed. "I'm sorry, Yoongi. I really am. I've been writing nonstop all day and time just got away from me. I seriously didn't mean to forget. I even set an alarm on my desktop, but it didn't notify me."

Though her words seemed to soften his expression it only lasted for a moment, because then he was leaning closer to his phone with an obvious frown.

"Nonstop? You've been writing nonstop all day?"

Kendall cursed herself for that slip up. Of course, that would make him even more annoyed with her.

Not knowing what else to say she nodded.

Yoongi ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath before his full attention turned back to her. For a moment he still looked miffed, but soon enough his entire expression shifted to one of worry.

"Why?" he asked.

Knowing she'd already ended up on his bad side she took a moment to gather her thoughts. Articulating her reasons clearly would lead to less confusion and annoyance for him if she accidentally said something in a way she didn't mean it.

"You know I'm on deadline for this rewrite and I wanted to knock out as much as possible. And I know, I know it's a bit further away and I have time, but I have all these other things to do that I wanted to get a head start. Give myself time to breathe later on since I know I'm going to have to start that outline for the one duology that Ara and I have been talking about. Plus, I don't want to spend all my time while I'm in Korea writing. So, I didn't think that a goal of ten chapters today would hurt anything," she rambled.

"Ten?" he shouted.

Again, Kendall nodded.

There was a series of sighs that he let out before he spoke again.

"Were you wearing your wrist braces?"

"Yes."

"Did you take Tylenol before you started and then again a few hours later?"

"Yes."

"Did you move around some?"

"Kind of."

Another sigh.

"Did you eat?"

Kendall knew she was screwed, but she wasn't going to lie to him.

"I had a pop tart throughout the day, but nothing else," she said.

If his glare could kill, Kendall would've died the moment he looked at her. And she understood why. It hadn't been her intention not to eat. Not eating was never her intention, but when she was focused on something else and didn't feel any biological urges, she'd forget. Even if she did get hungry it wasn't long before it slipped her mind.

After another stare down he broke again, though that time the anger didn't leave his face; it merely softened a bit.

"My day was a late start so I'm having a late lunch. It's on the way. Order something and we'll eat together. And it better be something filling. I don't care about how late it is; you need to eat."

"I can do that," Kendall said.

Not wanting him to glare at her anymore she sprang into action. Propping the phone against the monitor she went to her browser and looked at the places she had bookmarked. She wasn't craving anything specific, so she went with a Chinese restaurant not too far from her. Quickly her order of chicken with broccoli and vegetable fried rice was placed. She even flipped her camera and raised the phone so he could see her do it.

"It says fifteen minutes," she said once it sent.

He grunted. "Mine should be here around that time too."

Even though he was more at ease because she got her life together he didn't look at her. He'd sat the phone against something, and his eyes were focused on the screen in front of him. Though she wanted a little more interaction with him she couldn't help but enjoy watching him focused on work.

After a few minutes she broke the silence.

"Did you get the samples I sent you?"

Yoongi nodded and said nothing, but then directed his gaze to the camera.

"But you didn't put that one cello piece in there. That and the synth drum track," he said.

Kendall's brows furrowed and she sat the phone back down to focus on her own screen. After going into her email, she saw that it was indeed missing something and huffed.

"I'll send the synth drum and this other thing I meant to give you, but you have to wait on the cello piece. I wanted to redo it. Something sounded off," she muttered.

Despite not looking at her phone she knew he was rolling his eyes at her.

"It sounded great. You're just being a perfectionist," he said.

Kendall scoffed. "Says the man who played me Clair de Lune so flawlessly that I cried and then had the nerve to say it didn't flow well enough."

Yoongi smacked his lips, but Kendall could see a small smile form. No matter how much he pushed it back down it flared up again.

After pressing send Kendall watched him closely and said nothing. Not even when he confirmed he got the tracks did she speak a word. She just watched him with a weird smile on her face.

When Yoongi looked her way, he was taken aback by how focused on him she was, but he didn't mind it one bit.

"What?" he asked.

Without thinking she said, "I love you."

Yoongi rolled his eyes but smiled wide at her words. "I love you too, idiot. You just need to do better at taking care of yourself. This shit isn't healthy."

Kendall nodded and continued to stare at him with love in her eyes. Yoongi stared back with the same intense feeling.

They remained like that until her food arrived, then they spent the rest of the night eating and watching Sailor Moon Crystal together until Kendall fell asleep.

Kendall tried not to be annoyed, she really did, but it just wasn't feasible. And it was beyond clear to Kihyun as he drove her from the airport to Yoongi's apartment.

"I'm sorry. I called him and Namjoon, but got no answer from either of them," he said.

That made Kendall sigh. Not because she was pissy, which she was, but because he'd apologized a million times since picking her up. He apologized more than Jungkook that time he thought he'd deleted the track she was working on. In neither instance was it their fault, but both men seemed insistent on quelling her agitation.

She turned her head and stared at Kihyun; whose eyes remained on the road.

"Ki, we've been over this already. You have nothing to apologize for, so stop it. I'm not mad at you. Hell, I'm not mad at all. Just annoyed. I promise."

Kihyun glanced at her as they came to a stop light. Though he appeared skeptical after a few seconds he nodded, and she watched his body physically relax. In turn she relaxed because she hated making people feel uncomfortable when they had done nothing to warrant her mood. She could save her agitation for later.

After about half an hour and some small talk they arrived at the entrance of the building. Kihyun got out to help her with her bags and after a hi-five she made her way inside. The guard on duty was one she was familiar with and he waved at her, a smile on his face. She returned it before heading into the elevator.

As she stood and watched the floor number change it was easy to settle back into her agitated state. Pulling her phone from her pocket she checked to see if there were any messages from the hour she hadn't looked at it. The only things were from her mom responding to her landing text, some emails, and social media notification. Not one message from any of the boys.

When the doors of the elevator finally parted, she practically stormed out, dragging her luggage behind her. She punched in the code into the keypad and just as she stepped into the apartment, she saw the reason Yoongi wasn't answering. On the small table next to the door sat his phone.

Rolling her eyes Kendall kicked off her shoes and fully entered the apartment, ensuring that the door locked behind her. Since she knew he wasn't home she went about her business. That meant taking her luggage and unpacking it and then going into the kitchen to make her a quick lunch. Which was reheated kimchi stew from the fridge and some rice.

By the time Kendall finished her food a wave of tired coursed through her. She'd slept well on the plane, but that didn't make her completely void of jet lag. Staying up was the goal, but after ten minutes of sitting and fighting sleep she realized a nap wouldn't hurt. It was only three in the afternoon anyway, so it wouldn't mess with her sleep that night.

Before she slept, she checked her phone one last time, but again there was nothing from any of the people she needed messages from. Sighing, she texted the group chat and all the boys separately asking why no one was answering. She didn't bother to try and wait for a response though, merely setting an alarm and passing out on the bed.

Her dreams were filled with normal everyday things, so it was a peaceful sleep. Once she'd woken up her body still felt that linger of tiredness, but it was mostly energized. Which was a miracle for a nap. Though once she tapped the screen of her phone, she realized it was because she'd been knocked out for six hours.

None of her alarms had woken her up.

"Damnit," she groaned.

After throwing a small fit she carefully rose from the bed and stretched out. She wondered if Yoongi had appeared, though since he wasn't in the bed with her or hadn't woken her up, she was sure he hadn't. And after a quick look around the apartment, including his studio, she was proven right.

Checking her phone, she went to every single chat and there was nothing, not even a read message. And she knew they kept those things on so they could drag each other when they didn't get a prompt response. Hell, she knew that half the time Jimin went to the bathroom was to check his phone where he wouldn't get scolded and yet nothing.

Tired of it she finally texted Sejin.

Kendall: Hey, Sejin. Is everyone alive? No one is answering my texts or calls.

She went to put down her phone after that, but there was a notification before she could.

Sejin: Today's just been a bit busy with practice and things. Is there something that you need? Something wrong? Do I need to get Yoongi? I know he accidentally left his phone at home.

All the questions made her laugh. Of course, he'd think something was wrong.

Kendall: Nothings wrong. And I know he left his phone. I saw it when I got in a few hours ago

The three dots came almost instantly and then stopped. It went on like that for a minute solid and Kendall had no clue what he could possibly be typing. Finally, it came in.

Sejin: That was today???

So, Yoongi wasn't the only one who'd forgotten about her. It didn't hurt her feelings any because while it was partially Sejin's job to remember it also wasn't. He wasn't the one who was supposed to come get her. Nor was he the one who left her sitting in the airport for almost two hours.

Kendall: Yes

Again, the dots, but he didn't take as long.

Sejin: I'm so sorry, Kendall. I had it down somewhere and it slipped my mind. How did no one get back to you? Yoongi didn't contact you? That punk. I'll let them no to get back to you. We just finished and everyone should be heading home now.

That didn't really warrant much of a response, so she said ok and thank you before throwing the phone on the couch. Them getting back to her was no longer a worry of hers, so she'd just continue with her evening.

Feeling disgusting she grabbed some stuff and went off to take a shower. The moment the hot water hit her skin was like a cleansing for her mind. Was her annoyance gone? No, but she felt calmer and much more relaxed. Well, at least until she remembered she'd gotten in without a shower cap on and scrambled away from the water. Thankfully, there was one already in there from when she'd been in Korea months before.

Refreshed, she hopped out the shower and got dressed. Settling on some short shorts and a tank top for her sleep attire. And after twisting her hair in large sections in order to put on her bonnet, she snagged one of Yoongi's hoodies to walk around in.

Hunger struck her again, so she found her phone and ordered from a place that had pho. It would take some time to get there and she was set on ignoring the messages from the boys that sat in her inbox. So, she went about straightening and cleaning things. She'd done the kitchen and the living room by the time she was notified the food was there. Slipping on her shoes she went down to get it, once back in the apartment she practically inhaled it.

She watched some random show while she ate, but once she was done the urge to be productive hit her. Grabbing her laptop from the bedroom she planned to work from the couch, but then her eyes drifted towards the hall where the studio was. Being fully immersed in her work sounded better to her, and she'd wanted to work on a track, so it made sense.

Kendall grabbed some water and a pop tart before heading into the studio.

It only took her a minute to set everything up. Even booting the computer up under her log in. Everything was just like she wanted it, thankfully. Sometimes when Yoongi typed in his password wrong too many times he used her log in and ended up altering how she liked to set up her software. It was a pain in the ass to fix.

He was a pain in the ass.

Not allowing herself to get worked up Kendall focused on the computer. Slipping on some headphones she played the track a few times before tweaking it. The goal was reggae trap, but it wasn't coming out that way at all, so she just went wherever it took her.

But twenty minutes in her phone wouldn't stop vibrating, so she was forced to deal with it. It was a series of messages from the boys. They'd all sent apologies separately, but also blew up the group chat. Scrolling through and reading them all took a solid two minutes.

She wasn't that upset with them. Much like Sejin they were supposed to remember, but weren't the ones with any real responsibility. It wasn't necessarily their job. Kendall was just being petty when she ignored their messages before.

Sighing, she realized that if she didn't reply they'd keep messaging her nonstop or start thinking she was pissed at them or something.

Kendall: It's fine. I'm annoyed and hate that I had to call Kihyun to come get me, but it's fine. I'm not mad at any of you. But I'm also trying to work, so maybe tone down the spamming

There was an overall okay in response to her and she went to set her phone down only for it to go off again. That time it was just Namjoon.

Namjoon: Did Yoongi call or text?

Kendall checked her phone for a message from someone other than Joon and there was none.

Kendall: No

Namjoon: Taehyung gave him his phone so he should get to you soon. And I swear that he feels like shit for forgetting.

Though she believed him, something in her questioned why he felt the need to emphasize that. And why Yoongi didn't just head home instead of using Tae's phone to contact her, but she chose not to ask Joon a million questions.

Kendall: Ok, thanks for letting me know

With that she got back to work but sat the phone on her thigh, so she'd feel when it went off. Enough time passed that she'd been so into her work that the vibrating almost went unnoticed. But when she realized it, she took off the headphones and answered the call from Tae's phone, though she did take note that it was over an hour later.

"Hello?" she said.

There was silence and then a gruff voice came through. "Hi, baby."

"Yes?" she wasn't going to play that game with him.

"I know I fucked up," he said.

"Accurate."

He laughed at that but kept going. "But I really need a favor from you and then I'll be on the way home. Where I will apologize thoroughly."

Of course, he needed something from her first. That explained her weird feeling about how bad he truly felt.

"What is it?" she asked.

A sigh of relief came through the phone. "There are some things in the folder labeled Jin and I need you to send it to me."

"Fine."

"Thank you so much. I love you."

In return all she did was grunt. Saving her own project, she logged out and logged into his. Within a minute or two she'd found the folder and sent it to him.

"It should be there," she said.

"Thank you. I swear I'll be home in forty-five minutes or less."

Kendall rolled her eyes. "Sure."

Right as he tried to say bye, she stopped him though, there was something else she needed to say.

"If your version of telling me your sorry involves sex, you're going to want to rethink your plan. It's not happening."

And with that she hung up.

Locking her phone, she threw it on the desk and refocused on her music. She wasn't going to let him derail what she was doing.

By the time thirty minutes passed Kendall was okay with where she was in terms of progress and knew she'd need to come back to it with fresh eyes. But she played it aloud a few times to see if she genuinely liked it.

Kendall was so immersed in listening she didn't realize that by the third playthrough she was no longer alone. Not until Yoongi's hands were on her shoulders. It caused her to jump, but when she registered his fingers she calmed down.

She then stopped the music and turned around to face him. He was looking all sweet and innocent, but she knew better than to give in to that.

"Go ahead," she said.

Yoongi immediately dropped the act and sighed. Then after staring at her for thirty seconds he moved closer and pushed her legs together. Before she could question that both of his knees were on either side of her thighs and he was sitting in her lap, his arms wrapping around her neck.

"Baby."

"Don't baby me mister."

Yoongi rolled his eyes but didn't retort.

"Kendall. I'm sorry I forgot about you today, I really am. I told myself last night, but then today was crazier than we thought it would be. It didn't help that I was up late working on this thing for Kook. Which meant I rushed out of the house forgetting my phone and then I was so wrapped up in work that nothing else crossed my mind," he rambled.

Kendall's eyes narrowed. "Pause. A thing for Kook? As in the thing you said you stopped working on and would pick up today when you had the chance. Because you'd already pulled three all-nighters this week and you needed the rest."

With each word Kendall became more annoyed and Yoongi realized he'd messed up.

She watched as he scrambled for something, but then finally gave up.

"Look, I know. I should've slept, especially since it takes me so much more energy to fake that I have energy in order to get through work. But inspiration hit and I just started working. Next thing I knew it was early in the morning and I needed to get ready for the day. I fucked up and I'll do better about it. I promise."

His words were sincere, and he wasn't the only one prone to doing that, so she couldn't be too upset with him.

"I get it. We both suck at taking better care of ourselves. We'll both do better," she said.

Yoongi nodded, removing one arm from around her neck so he could hold out his pinky. Smiling she linked her own with it.

"We'll do better," he said.

Kendall nodded and with that Yoongi got off her.

"I showered and ate dinner already, so how about we go to bed?" he asked.

A sarcastic laugh escaped Kendall and she shook her head.

"I said sex isn't happening."

Yoongi scoffed. "I just want to cuddle you, not sleep with you. Goodness, woman."

Though she didn't believe him Kendall shut everything down and allowed him to lead her out of the studio to the bedroom. There they snuggled up and watched TV. Yoongi copped several feels, especially on her butt, which he insisted was an accident.

But the truth was, they didn't do better. In fact, they got worse.

Comeback preparation came at them harder than usual and they had to dive into the chaos. Of course, it wasn't their first time handling it, but that didn't make things easier for either of them.

Yoongi was fully submerged in it, along with one or two projects outside of the group. Kendall wasn't essential for the album, but she still worked on it nearly every day. Plus, there were other groups she worked with that were preparing to comeback, along with all the writing she needed to get done. It was a blessing that projects in the western world were off limits to her during prep or the stress would've tripled.

To their credit they did try to keep things from getting out of hand, but it only took a week before they slipped into unhealthy habits. Their focus was so on getting things done so they were out of the way, that there was no thought about taking a moment to breathe. A moment to take a walk and not think about all the things that needed to be done.

If a thing they planned wasn't mandatory it wasn't going to happen. There were countless outings with friends that they flaked on. A cancelled lunch here, a trip to Lotte World there, jam sessions that were only meant for some fun and stress relief. Kendall nearly missed a friend's engagement party because she'd brushed off the reminder and twenty minutes before someone called to ask her when she was getting there.

At some point people stopped inviting them places and neither of them even noticed.

And that didn't even account for them flaking on each other. Date nights or plans to do even the grocery shopping were put off or forgotten about. Not that either of them ever brought it up, because even if they were aware enough to remember themselves something always caught their attention, so they forgot it even happened. Well, didn't happen.

It even reached the point where spending time together was sitting in Yoongi's studio and working on different things. Kendall preferred her studio for producing so she'd just bring her laptop in and write. Yoongi was usually the one to invite her, but he didn't stop staring at his screen or talking to one of the guys about a track long enough to say anything but hi.

It was getting out of control, but of the two Yoongi was the one dealing with all the stress and work better. He was pushing too hard and not taking proper care of himself, but sometimes logic would prevail. A snack would get eaten or he'd walk to a secluded park to write lyrics because he needed a change of scenery.

But even with his brief moments within reality, he was blind to the fact that Kendall was descending farther than he'd ever reached. He always had faith that she would be fine because she was strong enough to know when things truly needed to slow down, but she wasn't doing that. And right under his nose she was on a downward spiral.

For over a month he remained blind to that, everyone did. Or at least they weren't saying anything to him about it. Not that he listened much to what anyone told him when he was focused on something else.

However, at some point someone got fed up with the bullshit.

Kendall was on Yoongi's couch typing away on her laptop with music blasting through her headphones, while Yoongi sat at his desk writing lyrics. They'd started working on a song the night before that he needed help tweaking. Hours past rapidly as they brainstormed and worked through it. When that was figured out, she decided to write while he finished up.

Both neglected to notice that by the time Kendall's butt hit the couch it was seven in the morning. And they stayed like that until nine rolled around and Jin was bursting through the doors with bags in hand.

The suddenness startled them both and they stopped what they were doing to focus on him. They were met with an incredibly angry Jin and a smirking Taehyung who stood behind him watching the show.

"What time is it?" Jin asked.

"Uh..." Kendall shrugged, eyes flitting down to the bottom right of her computer screen.

When she saw the time, her eyes went wide, and her jaw dropped. There was a curse from Yoongi which indicated that he'd also checked.

"Mhm, and when were you supposed to leave?" he asked.

"No later than one," Yoongi mumbled.

"And why is that?"

"Because we've already been pushing it, so the rule has been imposed for everyone so not to overwork ourselves," Kendall said.

Jin nodded. "And yet, here you two are. Up for over twenty-four hours. Plus, you haven't eaten since who knows when. So, you're going home and today is an off day."

Yoongi opened his mouth to speak, but Jin just reiterated his point.

"You're both going to eat all of that. Only then will you be allowed to leave and when you leave, you're going to go home and rest. Don't make me have to come over and watch you do it either. I will know if you don't."

The way he glared at them meant there was no room for argument and Yoongi wasn't going to, but Kendall had something to say.

"Actually, I have a meeting at one that's like an hour away and then I have a session at four. So..."

That made Jin glare at her, but he didn't have anything else to say. Of course, arguing it was an option, but work was work and there was no way around that. Yoongi even had it in him to look displeased by the news.

Without saying anything Jin moved farther into the studio and shooed Yoongi out of his chair and onto the couch. From there he took a seat and started pulling things out of the bag he'd brought with him. Before they knew it, containers of steaming food were in each of their laps and Taehyung was handing them drinks.

Once they had the food, he stared them down and waited, but Yoongi was the only one who started eating right away. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kendall playing with the food.

"Look, Jin we didn't mean too..."

"Just eat," Jin said, clearly not in the mood for an explanation.

After that nothing else was said and they both just sat there and ate their food. Every drop of food was consumed too because no matter how much they told him they were full he just stared at them until they continued.

It was like they were children.

When all the food was gone Jin directed to shut everything down and gather their stuff. Jin supervised every movement. It didn't stop there though. He got into the van that took them home and glared the entire drive there. Then he went up with them and watched as they both got ready for different things.

Yoongi prepared for bed and Kendall for her meetings. In half an hour of arrival she was out the door and Yoongi was down for the count.

But his sleep was only temporary.

After about twenty minutes he was up again, and his body didn't want to go back down. He gave up and dragged his feet out into the living room, where Jin was still present.

"Are you not leaving?" Yoongi asked, his voice gruff.

Jin was startled by him and jumped a little, but quickly collected himself and went back to the scowl that seemed permanent.

"Not until you've been out for a few hours. And maybe not until Ken gets back," Jin said.

Yoongi chuckled at that. "I can't sleep, and she might not be back for a while so you're going to get bored fast."

There was a moment or two of silence before Jin's expression shifted to something more distressed, a sigh escaping him.

"Yeah, I know."

That response through Yoongi off. Obviously, Jin would be tired of their antics but something about him read more than that. Yoongi couldn't pinpoint what else could be plaguing the oldest member, but he would find out. He hated seeing any of his brothers down and out.

Moving toward the couch he laid out a few feet from Jin and watched him closely.

"Something wrong? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Yoongi asked.

That made Jin sigh again, but it was accompanied by a humorless laugh. After a second or so Jin nodded and turned to face Yoongi.

"Not when you're like this I can't."

Yoongi scoffed. "Of course, you can. I know I've been a little too focused lately, but you know I'm always here for you. You don't need to worry about that."

"You're the one I'm least worried about," he mumbled.

"Huh?"

For a moment Jin appeared conflicted, but then his expression turned serious. He turned his body so he was facing Yoongi full on and stared at him for a few seconds.

"Have you really not noticed Kendall's behavior?" Jin asked.

That made Yoongi frown. He'd been caught up in work, but he liked to think if something was wrong, he'd noticed it. There was nothing that came to mind though. All he was met with was memories of her being as engulfed in her work as him, which wasn't a great thing, but it wasn't that bad. She had a lot of work.

Though part of him felt like that line of thinking was stupid since he was on her constantly about taking care of herself. But of course, he shook it off, they were in a high-pressure time and sometimes things needed all their attention.

"She's been working a lot, but that's it. Did something happen?" he asked.

Jin groaned and wiped a hand over his face.

"You've both been working a lot, but she's taking it to an almost extreme level. Have you seriously not seen that she's almost always working on something or going somewhere to do more work? I'm not even sure that she gets much sleep at this point. Let alone eats enough. I'm sure this morning was the biggest meal she had in a few weeks."

That made Yoongi even more confused. "But I almost always see her when you guys force a group lunch. She eats then."

Jin pursed his lips. "Have you actually seen her eat or just pick at the food while typing away at her phone and basically running away when everyone else finishes?"

Yoongi tried to think back to all the times they'd eaten together, and he remembered eating at least half his meal, but never actually seeing Kendall eat. His attention always focused on his screen or notebook. And when he'd go to put the leftovers in the fridge or trash Kendall's containers would be beside her in the exact spot it was placed. But of course, she just happened to sit it back down there or ate out of it from that position. She wouldn't forgo food for long, so she had to be eating.

"Of course, she..." Yoongi started, but then he recalls seeing her walk down the hall one afternoon and having to lean against the wall for a moment with her eyes closed. That could've been a one time thing though. Couldn't it?

It reached a point where he just laid there with his mind going over every interaction they'd had since the prep began. He was finding all types of things that seemed normal at the time, but in hindsight didn't make any sense if she was taking proper care of herself.

"Listen," Jin said, regaining his attention. "You just need to talk to her. We've all tried, but she plays it off or has something else she needs to do. Jimin almost got her to listen, but she just went back into the habit a few hours later. You're the only one who can call her out on it. You both need to be called out, but I know you'll be fine. I'm scared she's going down a dangerous path."

At that Yoongi nodded, but he was still a bit lost in his own head. He couldn't believe that he'd missed so many signs. There was just no way.

Jin confronting him the week before had woken Yoongi up from what he was doing to himself. The way he'd slimmed down a bit and how no amount of skincare could save his face; the undereye bags were going strong. It wasn't good and so he made changes in order to be healthier. Even having the younger members enforce him taking breaks multiple times a day. It was easier to see how things were going down a bad path for him and he was eternally grateful for Jin helping pull him back as he always did.

However, with his newfound clarity and self-awareness he finally saw what was going on with Kendall. Finally, he was paying attention. He watched her for a week and could see that he'd missed everything. Even the biggest flag of them all, which was how she never left her studio if she didn't need to. He hadn't been looking for that before, so it got by him, but every day until who knows when she was in that room by herself working. Food set outside would go ignored and he was sure she never even peed.

How he'd been so far gone that none of those things caught his attention was still a major question, but he couldn't focus on that. His attention needed to be on figuring out how to handle Kendall. If someone didn't get her to snap out of it, she'd lose steam completely and enter a creative block. And she didn't need to do that when all her jobs were creative. Yoongi cared more about her health than her hitting a roadblock, but he knew that when she did that it was much worse for her mentally. She put too much pressure on herself.

So, he needed to be strategic about it. Coming straight at her would do no good and if he was too nice or tried too hard to get her to forgo something to do something else, she'd suspect him. The only choice was for her lone plan for the day to be cancelled to create a slot where she was free. It would be hard for her to turn him down then, so he did what he had to.

Yoongi pulled out his phone and called Kihyun. His friend answered after a few rings.

"Hello."

"Hey, Kihyun. I have a question," Yoongi said.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Is the thing that you're working with Ken on something urgent? Can it be postponed or something?"

"Yes. Yes, it can!" Kihyun shouted.

It shocked Yoongi. "Uh, okay..."

A throat cleared and then Kihyun was speaking at a normal level. "Sorry. It's just the last time she came to work on the song she looked so tired. And even though she was working as well as usual there seemed to be a lack of her normal spark. I asked her about it, and she brushed me off, but I've been worrying about it. So, it can definitely be put on hold so she can rest or whatever you have in mind."

Everyone, but Yoongi had been paying attention it seemed.

"Yeah, I want to get her to rest. But listen, I need you to make up a reason why it's pushed to another day. She cannot know that I'm the reason that this was cancelled. Getting her to stop depends on her not knowing."

"Okay, I can do that. I'll text her now and then text you when it's done," Kihyun said.

"Thanks man."

"No problem."

With that they hung up and Yoongi shut down everything and prepared to head out. But he couldn't just stroll into her office after she got the news, so he played on his phone for half an hour after getting the confirmation text. After that he just casually made his way to her studio, knocking before letting himself in.

What he was met with was her sitting on the couch and staring at her table with a pen in hand. She was making edits, which made his appearance even better time wise. If she was doing it then that meant she was ahead of her schedule in some way and was even less likely to turn him down.

"Hey, baby. I was going to head out for some food. You want to come?" Yoongi asked.

For a moment or two she didn't say anything, but that was unsurprising since he'd asked as she started to write on the screen. Once she was done with the task at hand her attention became his and he truly saw the tired in her face. The bags under her eyes were prominent and her usually plump cheeks weren't as chubby. It made him feel even worse for not noticing it before.

"Uh. I'm not really hungry." she said, her voice softer than usual.

"But you were gone before breakfast. Come eat with me. Unless you have something else planned?"

That made her sigh and deflate a little. Yoongi almost felt bad for messing with her schedule, but it needed to be done.

"No. Ki said that something in his schedule changed so he'd need to meet with me another day."

Yoongi tried his best to seem chill about it. "Damn, that sucks. I hope they aren't overworking him over there as per usual. Okay, then you can come eat with me since your meeting fell through."

Again, he was met with no response for several seconds, but then she nodded her head and carefully rose from the couch. It was clear that it disoriented her a little, but Yoongi couldn't react to it. He had to let her move at her own pace and get her where he wanted her to be.

As she packed up her stuff, he kept a close eye on her.

"Is there anything you want to get in particular?" she asked.

Yoongi shook his head. "Nah, not really. I was thinking something close by, but then I also remembered that Jin put some kimchi stew in the fridge so we could just eat that."

Kendall froze and that worried Yoongi, he did not need to be found out so early. But when she turned around, she smiled at him.

"That sounds really good."

He returned the smile. "Great. I already had one of the vans waiting out front for me, so we can just tell them where we're going."

Kendall nodded and then motioned for Yoongi to lead the way. When he turned around, he released a deep breath and led them out of the building and into the awaiting van. Once they were on the road it was silent between them, but he didn't mind. He needed to ensure that he didn't say something too soon and if they got talking, he would slip up.

Once they arrived home, he led her upstairs with a hand wrapped around her waist, which wasn't something unusual. It appeared like affection to her and everyone else, but it was mostly him trying to keep her stable enough that she didn't sway or stumble. If that happened, she'd get defensive when he asked if she was okay.

They got into the apartment without issue and Yoongi got to work reheating the food so they could eat. Kendall took a seat at the dining room table and began editing again. It wasn't too intensive, so he let it be, but the moment the stew was ready, and he had some side dishes he had her put it away.

Again, they sat in silence, though that time he turned on the TV and put Brooklyn Nine-Nine on in the background. It drew in some of her attention and that's what he wanted. He needed her calm and comfortable. If she got a filling lunch and was somewhat immersed in the show some of her walls would be down. It also helped that he genuinely enjoyed the series and she knew that, so it didn't appear that he was trying anything.

But despite Yoongi's careful steps Kendall saw through him. After he'd taken the dishes to the kitchen, he returned to find her waiting for him with her arms crossed.

"What?" he asked.

"You're up to something."

That made his heart rate spike, but he'd perfected a steady expression over the years so of course that didn't show.

"What are you talking about?"

"We haven't spent real time together in a while and now you're actively seeking me out. Plus, you've been watching me a lot over the last two days. It's weird and sudden. So, what are you up to?" she asked.

"I'm not allowed to show interest and want to spend time with you now? That's suddenly... actually, no. I'm not going to do this. We'll go back and forth for forever and I'm just going to get to the point. I've stopped being so caught up in work that I noticed that you're too caught up in it. You're not taking care of yourself and I'm worried about you. Many people are worried about you. I thought we could spend some time together and that means you would rest."

Kendall's expression went from suspicious to annoyed. One of her brows raised and she rose from her seat, though she didn't move closer to Yoongi. In fact, he saw her take the smallest step back.

"So, what? You were going to try to get me to bend to your will by using things I like to lull me into a sense of comfort? Thought that would be enough to get me to forget about all the work I have to do?"

"No, I..."

"And then what? Get me to sleep? Make sure I stay in bed until tomorrow? Or were you planning on trying to get me to not work the rest of the week? Something that would put me back severely since I have things to do. Something that..."

"Stop!" he shouted. "Yes, I wanted you to take a break. And I would've loved if it was for the rest of the day. I would love for you to just sit down for a moment and relax. To sleep more than you do. To eat more than you do. I'd love for things to not be how they are now. But I wasn't and don't plan to commit some grand conspiracy against you, Kendall. I just want you to slow down and breathe."

There was silence and then Kendall scoffed. "When you're doing it it's fine, but when it's me there is suddenly this major problem. I'm fine. I'm stressed and working a lot, but I'm fine. This isn't anything that I can't handle. I've had more to do, so it's not a problem. But a problem occurs when everyone seems to think they need to insert themselves into my life for one reason or the other. I don't need to be watched like a child who can't function on her own. I'm more than capable."

Yoongi sighed and ran a hand over his face. Of course, things were taking a turn. She reacted much like him when backed into a corner when they swore, they were okay when in truth it felt like life was drowning them.

"No one is saying you're not capable, Kendall. We just want you healthy and not pushing yourself so much. You're losing weight and you look so drained of energy all the time. Even Kihyun said something was off during your last session. That you had your same work ethic, but your usual energy was gone," Yoongi said gently.

He hoped that his words would change something within her, and they did, but she was angry which wasn't the goal.

Kendall took a deep breath; her fists clenched and unclenched a few times before she glanced at Yoongi.

"Kihyun? Is that why he canceled? Because I don't seem well enough? Great."

Yoongi took a step forward, but she took two steps back.

"Everyone seems to have these grand ideas about what I should be doing and making decisions on my behalf. So, I'm going to let you all do what you want to do. But I won't be around to let you do it. I have things to get done today and Kihyun canceling means I have more time. So, if you need me for my job then let me know. Other than that, back the hell off."

With that she grabbed her stuff and was headed towards the door. Yoongi went after her, but after she slipped on her shoes she whipped around and held her hand up to stop him.

"I'll be sleeping somewhere else tonight. Don't wait up or come looking for me to make sure that I'm sleeping up to your standards."

And with that she was gone. Yoongi was left cursing himself and wishing he'd handled things differently. Maybe if he had she'd be still in the apartment. If he'd only caught on sooner maybe the evening would've been spent cuddled together on the couch or in bed. Honestly, anything was better than what happened.

Yoongi couldn't help but feel like he'd messed everything up.

Despite wanting to fix things as soon as they happened Yoongi waited it out. He knew that coming at Kendall again would just yield another argument and he didn't want that. Especially because he was likely to lose his cool and things would become worse.

So, he sat back and let her do what she wanted for a few days. Every time he ate, he grabbed her food, sat it near the door and walked away. Sometimes it would be gone when he went by again, but more often than not it was still sitting there. It was frustrating, but he didn't let up and just kept doing it. There were even little notes where he left her with encouraging messages or that relayed how much he loved her. He hoped it would help soften her and that she'd see his true intentions.

And when they worked together, he was his usual self. There was no pressure to eat, drink, or rest. Kendall had already taken to avoiding him, so he didn't want her to just completely ignore his existence. He only got such brief time with her to make sure she was okay, and he refused to risk it.

The method was honestly great for the first few days, but then after two days in a row with food untouched and her barely leaving the office he'd had enough. The boys could see it too, they watched as he was pushed over the edge.

They stood in the middle of the practice room discussing the choreography they went over a few times. It was the early stages, they were more worried about everyone getting it than it being in sync, so the topic of discussion was one move that almost everyone was struggling with.

But it was during Namjoon explaining that maybe they could alter the instrumental a little to fit that shit hit the fan.

"I could talk to Kendall about it. Of course, making changes is a bit much but it would be kind of cool. None of us are doing it as smoothly as needed and we were discussing adding more of that slightly disjointed sound to the chorus. It wouldn't take much time at all," Namjoon said.

Hoseok pursed his lips and nodded. "But when can she do it? Of course, we can practice it with that in mind, but we need to hear it and get approval before we make that choice. And she said she had a lot to do today. Something about having a new project to work on and needing to prepar..."

When Yoongi heard she took on another project his head snapped up, his eyes focused on Hoseok. The younger male was startled by the attention, especially since Yoongi was glaring at him.

"She has another what?" Yoongi said, practically shouting the words.

No one said a thing, but then after they all were the focus of his glare Jungkook said something.

"Yeah, she took on this thing for some artist she really likes. They're an American one, but she wanted it more than she cared about sticking to her rule during comeback prep."

The rage that filled Yoongi was swift and before anyone could utter another word, he was storming out of the practice room. He didn't stop until he reached the elevators, but as he waited for the doors to open, he could feel his emotions intensify. It was time to put an end to the situation and he didn't care about her being upset with him.

"Where are you going?" Namjoon called out as he caught up with Yoongi.

"To stop this shit."

"Yoongi, you can't just come at her all pissed off. She doesn't respond well to that, you know this," Joon tried to reason.

"I'm not going to her."

Just as he said that the doors opened, and he stepped through. Namjoon stood and watched him, conflict clear in his expression. Yoongi waited a second, but when he didn't make a move, he pressed the floor number. Just before the doors closed Namjoon slid in after him.

The elevator ride was tense and quiet. Yoongi was trying to control his anger so that he wouldn't lash out at anyone. No one was at fault for this and there was no need for them to have to deal with his issues. Even if they were all willing, he'd hate if he'd made anyone too uncomfortable once everything was over.

When the doors opened, they walked out and the secretary simply nodded and pointed towards their destination. After knocking and being granted entrance they walked into Bang's office.

Their boss looked prepared for their arrival and Yoongi was sure one of the boys put two and two together and warned him. He didn't mind though; it was easier to handle it if he didn't have to just show up and lay it all out when he least expected it.

"Is there something I can help you with, Yoongi?" Bang asked.

Taking a deep breath Yoongi collected himself and then nodded. "Yes, there is. Kendall has been a little, well a lot overwhelmed the last few months. She's working more than she needs to and not taking care of herself properly. Obviously, some of this stuff is out of your domain, but a lot of it is work on producing and writing. It's reached a point where she won't listen and even when things fall through, she finds a million other things to do in its place. I know that her main focus is on the girl group debut and you wanted her to take full control of that, but they won't even be announced for a few months and she's way ahead of schedule. So, what I'm asking for is her taking a break. She'll have more than enough time to come back to it and have them ready. But right now, she needs to step back. I need her to step back before things get worse."

Yoongi hadn't meant to be long winded, but once he started talking it all came out. And that included the distress he was feeling. His voice went up a few octaves and he was pleading with Bang to agree with him. He needed for him to give the go ahead.

It was silent for a moment, but then Bang nodded. "I've noticed that she's been working a lot, but I didn't know to what extent. She's farther ahead then what we talked about. Practically finished the album. So, we can put a hold on any more work until she's had proper rest. If that needs to start today, then it can. I'll send the email and make the call."

After nodding and giving a brief thank you Yoongi was out the door and back in the elevator with Namjoon hot on his heels.

"What are you going to do?" Namjoon asked.

"We're going home."

"And if she doesn't choose to go? You know she's not just going to agree. So, what are you going to do?"

For a while Yoongi didn't say anything, but the moment he stepped off the elevator he turned to face Joon.

"I'm going to tell her too much time has gone."

Namjoon's eyes widened at that, but Yoongi could see on his face he understood. That phrase - too much time has gone - was used when there was something serious they needed to talk about. Something where one of them needed to be heard out and it invoked the urge to listen better with the other. Kendall wouldn't be able to refuse and would have to see how concerned he was.

He hated using it because it always left him on edge when she used it and he would assume the worst, so he knew she had to feel it too when he did it.

"Call or text me after. Okay?" Namjoon said.

Yoongi nodded and then turned to walk down the hall. He made a quick stop in the practice room to grab his stuff and then did the same in his office. Once packed up he headed towards her studio. As he went, he prepared himself for a shit show and he really wished it didn't need to be, but he'd accept that if it meant she'd be okay.

When he walked up to the door the bag of food he'd left earlier was gone and that helped calm him. At least she ate something. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door but got nothing. Several knocks and doorbell rings later he put in the passcode and entered the studio. Instead of finding Kendall immersed in her work he was met with darkness, which was weird because she didn't have any outside work.

Yoongi flipped the switch and found everything was shut down, but something on her desk caught his eye. He moved closer and saw the bag of food, which was still untouched, but before he could focus on that his eyes drifted to the note on the desk. It was the one he left, and it read: You're doing a great job, baby. I got your favorite. I love you.

The paper was wet unlike it had been when he dropped it off and it only took a second to realize that it was from tears. Even the space around it had a few drops here and there.

His first thoughts were about if she was okay and the next were hoping that maybe they'd just been from him finally breaking through to her. Either way she needed to be found.

Yoongi sprinted out of the room and slammed into SlowRabbit who looked at him confused, but then noticed where he was coming from.

"Ken went home. Said she needed to do something," SlowRabbit said.

Muttering a quick thank you Yoongi was running again. He needed to get home fast. Thankfully once he got to the lobby Joon was waiting there with one of the drivers, once they saw him the driver headed to a car out front and Yoongi moved after him.

The drive to the apartment was tense. There was a giddiness inside of him as he clung to the idea that she'd finally seen the light, but there was also a deep-rooted fear of what could happen if she wasn't coming back to reality. It left him all over the place and sweating more than he had during dance practice.

Once in his building he felt his anxiety diminish, but for some reason he walked very slowly through the lobby and to the elevators. Like he was stalling for time trying to come up with something, but in truth his mind was completely blank. Even as the elevator indicated he was getting closer to his floor his mind remained emptied.

It was weird.

As the doors opened, he started to think again, but that quickly came to a halt. At the end of the hall there was a person collapsed onto the floor. Panic filled him and he sprinted out to them, dropping to his knees to make sure they were okay.

"Excuse me? Hey. Hey. Wake up." He chanted as he carefully rolled them over.

When he saw the face, he stopped breathing. For some reason it didn't register in his head that the person was on his floor and in front of his door. It didn't register that the person could be Kendall. Until he saw her face.

"Kendall! Kendall! Baby!"

He shook her gently, one of his hands going to cup her face. She wasn't responding or even moving and that panicked him more. His mind raced and he continued trying to get her to wake up. Screaming her name and shaking her to get some sort of response.

It took a minute or so before it clicked with him that he needed to act. That there was no time to waste.

He placed his fingers under her nose and waited, after a few seconds he was sure that she was still breathing. It wasn't strong, but it was something. He then fumbled in his pocket for his phone and when it was finally in his clutches, he dialed emergency services. His eyes never left Kendall's face and his finger remained under her nose.

When they answered he had a response ready, but instead of words a sob broke free. The tears came soon after and he was finding it hard to say anything.

"Hello? Hello? I can hear you crying, dear. Please tell me what's wrong," a soft voice said on the other end.

Yoongi took a breath and reminded himself what was at stake.

"My... my girlfriend collapsed, and I don't know how long she's been out. I found her in the hallway of our apartment building. Her breathing... her... her breathing isn't as strong as it should be. And neither is her... pul... pulse." He finally managed to choke out.

"Okay. I'm glad that you checked all those things out. If she's still breathing, there's a chance she's fine. Can you give me the location?"

He mumbled off the address and what floor they were on. As he spoke more, he calmed, but the tears never stopped and at any given moment he was hit with an intense wave of distress.

Yoongi's eyes never left Kendall, even as the dispatcher kept him talking so he wouldn't freak out too much. He couldn't take his eyes off her. The last time he'd done that led him to the pain he was enduring in that moment.

Kendall's body felt too hot and she needed to cool off but no matter how much she adjusted there was no escape. At some point she was forced to wake up and try to free herself, but the moment that her eyes opened she felt disoriented.

Everything was fuzzy and her head felt swimmy. It was as if she wasn't grounded and she didn't know why. Of course, she wanted to fight for some clarity, but she knew she'd needed to just let it pass first. So, she waited until her vision cleared and she felt settled before trying to figure anything else out.

Who knows how much time passed before she could make out her surroundings, but when she could confusion filled her. She wasn't in the apartment or in her studio, but what looked like a hospital room. But for the life of her she couldn't figure out why she'd be there.

Kendall searched her memory for something, but it was as clouded as her vision had been. She didn't let that stop her though, she focused on what she could last remember until snippets of her day came up. They were so short that she couldn't make anything out of them though. It was frustrating, but she needed answers and she was alone so there was no one to give them.

At least she thought she was alone.

As Kendall took in her surroundings and then herself, she finally noticed that she wasn't the only one in the hospital bed. Next to her lay Yoongi. He was asleep and looked so peaceful that she momentarily forgot what she was doing. It had been so long since she'd seen him like that and she wanted to savor it, but before she could even get comfortable with the idea it all came rushing back to her.

She'd been working on a track that was proving difficult for her. The idea she had in her head wouldn't translate into the actual work. Nothing she tried was working and she was close to screaming about it. Instead she decided to take a step back and finish some things on a different track for a friend. It would give her a break and the chance to get some more work done.

Halfway through that hunger struck her and she'd peeked out to see if Yoongi left any food for her like he had been. Kendall was still upset with him for actively trying to hinder her work, but she appreciated the gesture because she often forgot to eat. It wasn't that big a deal, but not having to search for food when she finally decided to eat was a good thing.

She'd grabbed the food and brought it in, but as she opened the bag there was a post-it on top. It wasn't surprising since he left them with every meal and she'd planned to sit it aside, but then she read the words. For some reason something in her finally snapped and she felt her body droop and tears fall from her eyes.

Yoongi was being so caring and loving, even after she lashed out at him. He was making sure that she at least ate and reminding her constantly that she was doing great and was enough. She'd been so caught up in doing everything that she'd let those things slip away from her. Let herself reach a point where she was so tired all the time and barely functioning mentally but using the excuse of needing to stay ahead as a reason to keep going. As a reason to not take a moment to breathe.

Kendall ran herself into the ground. And instead of giving into him and taking in what he tried to tell her she'd pushed herself further to prove a point.

But she was tired of proving that point.

So, after crying she packed her stuff and planned to head home. Yoongi was practicing so she didn't want to disturb him. She'd planned to text him after she got home and showered, it would be enough time for the boys to be taking a break. After telling Slow Rabbit she was leaving, a van took her to the apartment and she was eager to finally stop being so hardheaded so she could rest. However, as she got onto the elevator, she felt weird, but couldn't pinpoint why. She brushed it off as being tired and thought maybe she should nap and then shower.

But as she got off the elevator and walked towards the door everything around her shifted. It was like a kaleidoscope was right in front of her eyes and before she knew it her body was falling in slow motion. After that everything was blank.

The moment her brain caught up she felt herself tear up; she'd fucked up. Not only had she done damage to her body, but she couldn't imagine how Yoongi felt. Had he been the one to find her? Was he notified as he tried to live out his day? She hoped she hadn't scared him too much.

As the tears fell her hand moved to caress his cheek. At her touch he shifted but didn't wake up. Leaning down she pressed a kiss to his forehead. It was soft and lingered for several seconds. When she pulled away though, his eyes were wide open, and he was staring at her. The sadness was clear, but there was also some relief.

"Baby," he whispered.

Kendall didn't get the chance to say anything though, because he was kissing all over her face in seconds. After he pulled her tight, burying his face in her neck.

"You scared the shit out of me, Kendall. You can't keep doing this shit, okay? It needs to stop," he mumbled.

"I know. I'm sorry," she said.

It was all she could think to say. She wanted to explain herself, but it didn't feel like the right time, so she let it be.

They spent the rest of the day like that. Even when the doctors came in Yoongi didn't stray too far from her, he always had to be touching her. If he couldn't be in the bed with her then he was holding her hand and if she left to use the bathroom, he would snatch it up the moment she was out.

It hurt her heart to see him like that. To watch him look at her as if she were going to slip through his fingers and disappear.

"I'm sorry," she started. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I should've listened to all of you and stopped letting work take over, but I just pushed myself harder. And when it finally clicked, when your note put me back into reality, I was going to take a break. I'd gone home to shower and rest. I was going to message you after to not be a disturbance and because I knew we were going to need to talk, but I didn't get the chance. I didn't mean for it to get this far."

Yoongi just watched her as she spoke, nodding along to show that he was listening. When she finished, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips. He murmured about how it would be okay, and they would deal with it later. Kendall didn't think that wise, but then the boys showed up to pay her a visit and lightly scold her, so the moment was lost.

After her explanation Yoongi still remained close by, but she noticed a shift in him. His relief faded and he relaxed more, but something else rose to the surface. He was clearly annoyed and though she wanted to ask if he was okay, she knew it was best not to. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know why he was upset. Kendall expected his rage to surface at some point, but she wished it made him more vocal.

Instead of scolding her or just straight up yelling he remained silent. They didn't speak much and any conversations she tried to start fizzled within seconds. It left things tense all the time and despite the guilt it grew tiresome.

Thankfully, they only kept her for a day after she'd woken up so she could rest at home. That meant that she wasn't confined in one room with him watching her with his underlying anger, but it didn't make her feel any less uncomfortable. Yoongi still made sure she rested, took her medication, and ate. He worked outside of the home studio to keep an eye on her but kept his distance. And his silence remained. He'd even mastered answering her questions without saying a single word and after three days Kendall was over it.

She'd come home from the hospital still quite drained, but with eating regularly and resting her energy returned to her. Which meant she could risk exerting herself a bit to push the issue. And after he'd blatantly ignored a question she asked it was hard not to snap.

"Can you just fucking yell at me already? I get you have some stuff to work through and are probably trying to figure out how you want to address this, but please just do it. Just say what you want to say. Yell. Cuss. Tell me you hate me. I don't care. Just please say something!" she blurted out.

That made him pause and turn around to face her. His expression was one that he wore when he was pissed off and though it made her stomach drop it's what she wanted. What she needed.

Yoongi laughed after a few seconds. One of those humorless ones, that were so loud and obnoxious that they seemed fake. It lasted for a moment and then he abruptly stopped, taking a few steps forward so they were only two feet apart.

"Okay. I'll talk. We both went off the deep in and got too caught up in things. You more than me, but we're both guilty of it. But I was so off in my own damn world that I didn't notice you were taking it a step too far. I had to be told by Jin, who saw it from the start and tried to help. I had to be told to take a closer look at my girlfriend who I saw often, and thought was okay. I fucked up and part of this is on me. No matter what you say I'm sticking to that because I know how far you can go, and I wasn't seeing the signs. Hell, I even encouraged it with my own behavior.

"But then you have to be so damn stubborn about things. You have to think because there are no obvious effects on you that you're doing okay and that everyone else is seeing things. You push yourself too hard, Kendall. No matter how overwhelmed you are, you push so hard as if you can't take a breath. As if you couldn't half ass it and still come out with some great work. And you let yourself get so in your head that you fucking forgot that and neglected yourself. Barely ate. Barely slept. Barely did anything besides work, even when there shouldn't have been any work to do. And that shit ended with me fucking finding you passed out on the ground in front of our home. Of me fearing that you weren't going to be... be... that you weren't going to be okay. This entire situation is fucked up and I need some time, okay?

So, let me have my time to fucking think. Let me have the chance to stop being mad at you and me, so we can try to move the hell forward after this shit show."

With that he turned on his heel and walked away. He went into the bedroom and slammed the door behind him. It left Kendall alone in the living room feeling worse than she had when she woke up in the hospital. She knew she had no valid reason to cry since she'd brought this on herself, but it felt like her heart was ripped out of her chest.

It felt like she'd fucked her entire relationship up.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

What was, What will be

For @captainfreecandyvan as she requested for her Raffle prize!

Warnings: non/dubcon elements, mentions of death and grieving, rough sex, oral sex.

This is dark!Thor and explicit. 18+ only.

You were numb. It had been two weeks and still, the dam had yet to burst. At first you didn’t believe it. That was three days. Then you were angry; at the universe, at him, at yourself. You tried praying but you were never really a believer. Then your energy drained and it was difficult to just open your eyes in the morning. You were waiting for the acceptance part, or least the part where you cried. Still, dry as the Sahara.

Work had offered you a week off to grieve but the thought of sitting alone at home was worse than the loss. And so you dressed blindly everyday, commuted without a thought, the subway and crowds a distant blur. Stark Tower was the beacon in the dark. The little cafe in the corner was your refuge. Tie your apron, brew the pots, steam the milk. It was second nature by now and you welcomed the routine.

Iron Bean. A cute name for the little kiosk in the most famous building in New York. Stark had named it after his own alter ego, but really it was a Starbucks clone. You were on the bar, your manager keeping you from the general public. Too many times you had stood at the till staring at people as they repeated there order. You didn’t blame her. You just needed to cry. Why wouldn’t you cry? Even coming home to your empty apartment, the one you could no longer afford, wasn’t enough to crack you.

A golden halo appeared in the corner of your vision as you mixed the Americano. You didn’t need to look to know who it was as it was his order you were preparing. He had tried every item on the menu until he settled on this as his favourite. It felt so long ago. You had started working at the tower around the same time he had found the cafe. You had been star struck at first. I mean, Tony Stark was one thing but Thor was other wordly. Literally.

He smiled at you and you tried to mirror him. Your lips trembling and you quickly hid your frown. You set the drink on the counter before him. “Here ya go.” Your voice was flat. It was as if you had died that day too. Part of you had. Shane had been your everything. The second half of you.

“How are you, Lady Y/N?” Thor’s peculiar way of addressing you always made you laugh but today all you could do was grumble.

“I’m good,” You lied. Looking up at him as you peeked out from behind the espresso machine, working on the next order. “You?” The coffee shot out wildly and burned your wrist. You pulled away and swore before he could answer. You dropped the cup and turned. There it was. The tears had finally risen and they wouldn’t stop as anger swept over you and darkened to terrible sadness. You covered your face and sniffled, trying to smother the sobs.

Your manager Paula was at your side in a moment, ushering you away from the counter as she directed Elias to take your spot. She took you to the kitchen where they baked the desserts and sat you down beside the far stove. “I’m so sorry,” You choked through your tears, “I don’t know what’s happened.”

“I do,” She knelt before you, “Y/N. You’ve got to take a step back,” She rubbed your arm gently, “I told you. You need time to register. This isn’t healthy for you.”

“I don’t have time. Shane’s gone which means so is half my rent. I can’t afford to take time!” You raised your voice frantically.

“Of course you can. You know Stark Industries provided great benefits. Even for bereavement. Take as long as you need,” She took your hands in here, running her thumbs along the backs. “If not for you, for Shane. He wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself.”

You sniffed and hung your head, nodding weakly. “I think…” You rasped, “Maybe you’re right. I should go.”

“I can come with you,” She offered, “If you don’t want to be alone. Gino’s in soon and he can run the ship just fine.”

“No, no, I’ll manage,” You squeezed her hands, “I promise. You’ve already done so much.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were glad that Thor was not still there to witness your exit. It was embarrassing enough breaking down in front of him. He was always so nice and you had turned into a pool tears. He didn’t have to be so kind. It was curious to think that he was. I mean, he was famous; an Avenger. He had saved your world several times over and yet he remembered your name and asked about your day whenever he was in. He had listened to your ramble about Shane and your everyday problems and his blue eyes never strayed from you. It was almost sweet.

You couldn’t help but think of his shining smile on your way home. It was almost comforting that he remained the bright Asgardian waiting for his daily coffee. Even after your life had shattered like the front of your co-owned hatchback. You managed to hold it in long enough to escape the subway station, climbing the steps two at a time. You ambled down the street and up to your building, retreating to the back corner of the elevator until your reached your floor. Home...but not really.

You locked the door behind you and dropped your messenger bag beside your shoes. You dragged your feet into the bedroom and fell face first onto the bed. You hadn’t slept there since he had died. It had been too weird sleeping without him. Lonely. You buried your head beneath the pillow and let the tide wash over you. You cried until you were dry of tears, falling into a half-sleep which made your head pound.

You woke as the sun began to set. As you rolled over, you felt lighter. A load had been taken off. Some remained but the darkness wasn’t so heavy. You sat up and combed your messy hair out with your fingers, reaching for the hair clip you kept on your night table. Where was it? You opened the drawer and looked there too. Nothing but your old comb and the little odds and ends you crammed in there out of laziness.

You shrugged and stood, longing for a cup of tea. Early Grey to calm you. Some Tylenol too. Your head hurt so much. You entered the kitchen and put on the kettle. In the cupboard, you found that your favourite mug wasn’t there. It must’ve been dirty. You felt like you were going crazy. Lately you were forgetting everything.

A sigh escaped your lips as you took the milk out of the fridge. It was expired and smelled as much. You turned off the stove and pushed your feet into your shoes, throwing your jacket on as you stuffed your wallet in your pocket.You didn’t bother with your phone as you didn’t want to talk to anybody, even through text.  You swore there was a creak in the bedroom and paused. Silence. The old building was always moaning and groaning.

The sky was a dimming shade of blue as you walked to the nearest store, the ring of the door marking your entrance. You went to the back wall where the refrigerators were hidden and stopped beside another customer. As you turned, you recognized the head of dark hair. You frowned and looked away.

“Hey,” Johnny said, “Y/N.” His voice was grim; cautious. “How are you...doing?”

“Fine, I...dunno,” He was one of Shane’s friends. Not yours. He had lost him too. “I’m just...here.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” His voice trailed off and he turned to the fridge, reaching in for a carton of cream, “If you need anything,” He said as the door shut loudly, “You can call me. You know that right?”

“Yeah,” You nodded, tucking your hands in your pockets, “I know. Thank you.”

It was silent for a minute before he responded. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

“I’m trying,” You replied quietly, “You, too.”

“I...I’ll see you around,” He backed away, pausing before continuing down the aisle at your half-hearted echo.

You stared through the clear door for ten minutes before you chose a carton. They were all the same, you didn’t know why you had stood there so long. Time felt like it had slowed down. You went to the counter and paid with a bill, tucking the milk under your arm and your wallet back in your jacket. It was dark out now, the street lights casting yellow orbs on the sidewalk.

As you walked towards your building, it sounded as if you had two sets of footsteps. You glanced over your shoulder as you walked. Just you and your fractured mind. You straightened up and carried on, telling yourself it was just an echo. The sidewalks were oddly empty, weren’t they? You looked from side to side, cars passing as if you did not exist.

You neared your building and passed the narrow alleyway, but didn’t reach the other side. You were thrown off-balance as you were yanked into the dark by your arm, the carton fell and smashed against the sidewalk. You could hear the quiet leak of dairy across the ground. Your wrists were quickly enclosed in an unyielding grip, another hand on your mouth, smothering you.

“So, who was that?” The deep voice asked. You looked up, unable to see more than the shadow of your assailant. “Hmm? Moving on so fast?” His hand clamped your mouth tighter as he bent down, speaking in your ear, “Now, don’t scream.”

Slowly, he removed his hand. Your entire body was shaking as you feared what he might do. His voice was so familiar. Like you had heard it a hundred times before. And he was so big. Bigger than most men; maybe than any man you had ever seen. His hand lingered along your throat, an unspoken threat as he awaited your answer.

“A friend,” You whispered. He had followed you. At least from the convenience store. “Someone I used to know.”

“Used to?” He pondered darkly, “Seemed pretty friendly to me.” He touched your hair, his rough thumb brushing your jawline.

“Please, what do you want?” You asked. Again your eyes were filled with tears.

“You.” The shadow shifted and the light leaked in from the mouth of the alley, limning the straight nose and golden beard, adding a gleam to the pair of narrow blue eyes. You gasped, inhaling deeply as you mustered your loudest scream. It was caught by Thor’s palm as he clapped his hand back over your mouth.

“Now, now, I told you not to scream.” His voice was the last thing you heard as the world before you dissolved in a spectrum of colour.

You were spinning through space with the large Asgardian, his large arm held you to him as your head whirled, his hand still over your mouth. His eyes watched you despite the blurred rainbow around you, never looking away. There was only you and him. You came down with a thump, the only thing keeping you from falling was him.

“Are we going to be a good little pet this time?” He taunted and you nodded, struggling to breathe through his thick palm. He cautiously removed his hand, “If you should choose to scream, no one will hear you in this place.”

You looked around the large chamber, a bedroom as golden as the god before you. Every piece of furniture was finely crafted; cushioned arm chairs, chaise lounge, polished tables; all before an immense marble hearth which threatened to swallow the room. You turned to the other end of the room, a grand bed against the other wall. You were at its foot, the silken draping and bedding rippled like a woven river. Almost welcoming after the last two weeks. You could have drowned in its depths. Sleep…

“What is it, my pet?” Thor pressed himself to your side as he watched you search out your new surroundings. Where was the door? There had to be one, right?

You stepped away from him sharply, backing away as you held up your hands defensively. He was supposed to be a hero. Why was he doing this? “What is this place?” You lurked around furtively, “Why am I here?”

“Why, my pet, this is your new home,” He neared, “Our home.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” You snapped, tripping over the edge of the rug as you tried to keep away from him. He caught you easily, his large hands on your waist as he steadied you. You grabbed his wrists, trying to wrench them away but it was futile. He didn’t even flinch.

“That’s not how my pretty little pet speaks,” He reprimanded. He was no longer the cheerful customer away his Americano. He was different. As if this place hid a secret part of him. “I am your master. You shall refer to me as your king and nothing else. Does my pet understand?”

“I am not your pet!” You declared, trying to wriggle from his grip. “Let me go! Take me back! Take me back!”

“Take you back?” His voice boomed and your heart stopped. All struggles ceased as you stared up at him, his eyes glowing as little sparks shot around his head. “Where? To the world where you had nothing? Where you belong to no one? My pet, you cannot live upon your own. Your new master is here. Your rightful master.”

You trembled as his face slowly returned to its usual complexion and his eyes no longer burned. “He wasn’t my master,” You whispered, lowering your head as tears stung you, “He was my--”

“I am yours,” Thor interjected as he grabbed your chin and forced you to look up at him. “And you are mine. You have wasted too much time on weak mortals. And I watched you do so for far too long.”

“Watched me?” You pushed on his arm, “You...you--You’re crazy.”

He chuckled as he watched you struggle helplessly. “Oh, my pet, you have always belonged to me. Will always belong to me.” He lifted you easily from your feet, your arms flailing as he tossed your over his shoulder and you beat on his back. He gave no notice of your protests. Instead, he dropped you on the bed and you bounced dizzily atop it.

His earthly attire disappeared and he stood in his Asgardian armor. He unclasped the scarlet cloak from his shoulders, looking down at you intently. He unbuckled his chest guard and when you realized he was undressing, you rolled over and began to crawl to the other side of the mattress. The bed dipped and you were yanked back by your hair. He turned you to him, holding you so that your face was only an inch from his own. “I don’t want to leash you up, my pet, but I will. Do not doubt me.”

His blue eyes bore into you. You gulped, nodding shakily as you sputtered, “Y-yes...um, my king.” Your heart was hammering in your ears as there was no resistance against his strength.

“Good, little one,” He praised as he released you, backing off the bed.

He continued to disrobe and you stared above him, hoping he did not notice your trick. You didn’t move, couldn’t move. You doubted it would make any difference. He was too strong. And big. Your eyes focused, trailing down his body; golden hair and broad shoulders, thick chest and arms, muscles carved perfectly into flesh, the lines of his pelvis framed his erect cock, his thick thighs taking nothing from his girth. He was huge. And you were staring right at him. Your mouth formed an o and you slowly looked back to his face.

“Well, my pet,” He climbed up on his knees, reaching out and grabbing you by the hair once more, “Show me who you belong to.” You blinked up at him and he smirked. His thumb grazed your cheek as he held the back of your head, pushing you down towards his cock. “Be a good pet, now.” The strain on your neck was too much and your body easily bent before him.

Your lips met the tip of his cock and slowly spread over it. You feared your mouth was not big enough for him. Hell, you feared him. You moistened the head as best you could as he slid further in. You leaned forward ans steadied yourself with your hands, on all fours as he entered your mouth with a delighted grown. Your lips stretched painfully and he prodded at your throat. You held back a gag as he pushed deeper and you focused on breathing through your nose. When you could take no more, he stopped. You hadn’t even reached his limit.

“You will learn to take me,” He pet your hair, “But you are doing well, my pet.” He pulled back and you had but a second of relief before he pushed back in. He began to thrust, carefully fucking your face so that you did not choke. You breathed heavily, your slobber spreading over his cock as you pressed your tongue to his shaft. You rubbed your thighs together, trying to rid the heat which had started to gather.

He removed himself at last and you sat back, panting as you wiped your mouth, your chin covered in saliva and precum. You avoided looking at him. He tugged down the zipper of your jacket, pulling the sleeves down your arms and quickly discarded it. He made easy work of your shirt, forcing you to raise your arms. Shoes, socks, jeans, soon enough you were at his mercy. He snapped the band of your bra, laughing at its easy dissemblance. Almost as weak as you. Your panties were ruined in kind and you tried to covered yourself.

Thor swiftly pulled your arms away from your body, pulling you up on your knees, moving you close to him. He placed your hands on his chest, holding them there beneath his own. His fingers tickled the back of your hands and along your arms, dancing along your collarbone and down to your chest. He cupped your breasts, pinching your nipples and growled hungrily. “Touch me,” Her ordered and your hands slid down, out of fear and instinct. Your hand was too small to wrap around his cock but you held him firm and began to stroke him with both as he played with your tits.

“Sweet little pet,” He slipped down onto his butt, pulling you with him as you focused on keeping your hold of him. You hoped it would keep his eyes from sparking once more. He spread his legs out as he maneuvered you to straddle his thighs, watching your small hands as they worked his length. He shuddered and closed his eyes, his golden hair splayed out around his head.

He reached down to still your hand, his other on the back of your thigh as he nudged you forward. You stared at him, frozen, as he urged you onto him. You didn’t want to and you were fairly sure you couldn’t. He was too big for you. He was persistent, the lust fading for an instant to reveal his impatience. You could feel a subtle buzz of static rising from his flesh. Don’t push it.

You slowly moved up, your slick pussy dragging along his length. He gripped the base of his cock as the tip rested at your entrance, his hand on your hip as he guided you back. As he entered you, you whined. He was so thick you could feel yourself stretching around him, even just his head. As you took more of him, he hummed. You hissed at the pain as he got deeper and deeper. Your nails sunk into his muscled stomach as you tried to ease his entrance, sinking down until you were fully impaled. Your walls twitched, tight around him as your body adjusted.

Both of his hands went to your ass and he guided you up his cock carefully. He kept the pace easy at first, even. “Mmm, my little pet.” He bit his lip as you squeaked pathetically, “You were made for me.” He brought you down again, pressing you as deep as you could go and you arched your back as he poked your cervix.

Soon enough, you were following his motion, keeping the rhythm as he sped it up gradually. Your thighs shook as you slid up and down his cock, soon enough you were bouncing atop him, riding him as you chased the rising orgasm. It was a release you longed for. A snap of tension you needed; physically; emotionally. There was nothing but that. No grief, no fear, just pleasure.

You exclaimed as you came, your pussy pulsing along Thor’s cock as he rocked into you, your clit rubbing against the trail along his pelvis. “You see, my pet.” He pulled you closed and hugged you to him, rolling so that you were beneath him, “You are mine.” He slammed into you, your insides reverberating from the impact. “Say it.”

“I’m…” He thrust again, “Yours…” Again, “My…” Again… “King.” Your pathetic mewling only encouraged him and he hammered into you without relent. His pelvis crashed into yours, the slick noises filling the air as held shakily onto his shoulders, trying to make room for him. There was just too much of him. You came again but could barely tell through the pain of his harsh pounding.

“Mine.” He groaned into your hair, “Mine,” He dragged his teeth along your throat, “Mine,” He sunk them into your neck and his movement turned wild. You felt him cum, your pussy thrumming as he filled you up, fucking you until he was out of breath.

He stayed inside of you as he slowly pushed himself up on his elbows, looking down at you. You were covered in sweat, hair tangled around your head, body limp in surrender as your pussy clung to his cock. “I will take care of you, my pet,” He breathed, leaning down to kiss your forehead, “So long as you take care of your king.”

[prorevenge]

Try to ruin my life? Say goodbye to your husband, your home, and your foot.

Now, to give some backstory to this, I will say things with her weren't always bad. When I was a small child she was the coolest mom in the world in my eyes. Looking back, she didn't make the smartest parental decisions doing “cool” things, but nonetheless there were good times I still remember fondly. As I got older, her manipulative ways and desperate need for everyone's attention at all times got unbearably worse. She also tried to make me into the same shitty person she was. She taught me how to make up elaborate lies and stories so my grandma wouldn't know where we went out (mom was a compulsive liar, so even though there was no reason for this, she did it anyway), constantly told me that school taught useless shit and I just needed to pass and get by and then would berate me for bad grades, she blew my friendships up by either manipulating my friends or their parents, taught me the first thing to do when my grandma died was to take all her money and grab her lock box (also had money, and yes she meant before calling 911), and honestly there's so many horrible things she told me was okay and did a lot of terrible shit to me, but there's just too many to list them all. There was also a decent heap of mental and emotional abuse that seemed to increase with my age, but y'all aren't here for my sob story.

The Breaking Point I was in college, she went full on helicopter parent during my first year, and she still managed to ruin with a few friendships because she's damn good at being a shitty person. Come my first summer vacation, it came time to get ready to go home. I wanted to go back to my grandma's house, where I grew up. She showed up moving day and took all my things to her and her new husband's house (he is NOT my stepfather, I never liked him). She demanded I get a job (she didn't have one) to pay for my food, but I also had to do ALL of the housework while she sat on her ass and watched TV and smoked weed. It took me less than a week to realize she wanted me there as her personal slave, but she didn't want to spend any more money that her husband made because of my being there. I texted a few friends out of desperation, and she took my phone in my sleep to read what I said. She then began her work to ruin my life. She messaged all of my friends slinging some bullshit about being a witness in court and said I told her a bunch of nasty shit about them I never said, and scared most of them off from ever talking to me. She called all of our family and told them I was an alcoholic and I was going to fail college (grades were decent, I had drank maybe 5 times ever at that point). My grandma came and got me after many tear-filled calls explaining what was going on. After I left, she refused to sign my FAFSA (there was absolutely no way I could afford school without financial aid), and tried to get me kicked out of my school, but the financial aid Dept at my school was awesome and helped me get around that so I could continue there. After that, she'd call the house and my job several times a day and leave harassing messages (luckily she kept up her nice act when she called work asking for me, they were unbelievably understanding at my job). My grandma and I ended up going to court to take out protection orders, she got hers with no contest, but my mother contested mine. At that point, my anxiety was so bad I became violently sick and missed my follow-up court date. After that she tried to have me arrested. When the cops showed up to my house explaining to my grandma what she told them, we explained everything going on and luckily they were also understanding (they got the crazy vibe from her on the phone). After that, I. Was. Done. I didn't just want her to rot in hell, I wanted the rest of her life to be hell.

The Revenge For a while, I didn't really tell many people what was going on as I'm the type of person that doesn't want to be a burden to their loved ones at any cost. But after going to therapy at my college, I got a lot of my shit worked out and was able to come to terms with a lot of the shit that happened. So then I began my work. I told EVERYONE she knew. Most of them she had gotten to first, but they changed alliances very quickly after my talks with them. I made sure to turn up the waterworks HARD when I retold my story every time. Even threw in the occasional "I just don't understand why she hates me so much," and "I only ever wanted my mom to love me." In reality, I knew she was just a compulsive liar and a narcissist and was only flipping out because I wouldn't succumb to her will anymore I told my family everything including the mental and emotional abuse from my teens and up. Needless to say, they were horrified.

I wound up getting a new number and blocking her email so she couldn't harass me anymore, but she would call my grandma's house and leave messages every once in a while to try and slither her way back into my life. Nope. She even tried to "kill herself" with TYLENOL to try and get sympathy. After I contacted everyone and told them what happened, no one gave a shit about her "issues." Eventually, she and dipshit husband wound up losing their house due to money with her not working. They bought a truck and a shitty trailer to hitch to it and called it home. She even had the nerve to call us when a hurricane was coming (yup, I'm from Florida) and asked if they could seek shelter with us. We deleted the message. Now for the most satisfying part. A few weeks ago, after quite a long time from her last message, she calls. Apparently, as it turns out, her unmanaged diabetes caught up to her. She was in a hospital in North Carolina about to have a foot amputated. Dipshit husband apparently decided he was done, so he ran away with his crackhead cousin (he was a recovering crackhead), took their truck/trailer, and left her with nothing and nowhere to go. My grandma was literally her last possible saving grace. Everyone else turned her away, and she was going to be discharged in 3 days. With nowhere to go. She was begging my grandma to take her in, even having the gall to say "how could you turn me away at a time like this."

Message deleted.

Now I'm doing much better with a job I love, kickass roommates, the best friends I could ask for, and a boyfriend who is so incredibly loving and understanding of all my issues. I couldn't be happier. And she couldn't be more miserable. I'm a Hufflepuff at heart, but push me too hard and I can show you just how much of a Slytherin I can be.

TL;DR: Mom spends years psychologically abusing me, tries to blow my life up. I make sure everyone hates her, then she loses her husband, her home, and her foot.

(source) story by (/u/st0nermermaid)

[badboysdoitbetter]

The Evolution of Love [Mateo Guevara x Reader]

Pairing: Mateo Guevara x Reader [F]

Summary: Just a little blurb of how your relationship progresses through time, starting from the day you met, to marriage and beyond.

Requested: yes. “Just watched Point Blank and can’t get over Mateo💕 Could you please do a reader x Mateo major fluff-filled one shot. Can literally be about anything like meeting, dating, marrying, expecting child, etc. etc. Thank you lovely!”

Warning: Language, and some depictions of blood n stuff. vv awkward Mateo and reader :)

Word Count: 2,103

A/N: Hi, I’m back from the dead… Again? I got some inspiration to write again, but let’s see how long it lasts this time! P.S. @annamaggs16 I couldn’t choose which of these I liked best, so I did the 3 of them! Enjoy!

How You Met :

“Abe? I’m here...” You knocked, gripping your medical bag tighter as you knocked on the door of the Guevara’s warehouse. You’d gotten a distraught voicemail from Abe barely ten minutes prior, and you barely needed to listen to understand that he was desperate for your help. 

Obviously, at first, you were confused because you and Abe weren’t even that close. In fact, the only time you’d met was when he showed up at the homeless shelter, where you worked as a doctor, bleeding from more places than you could count and begging you for help that was “off the records”.

Still, being the kind-hearted person you were, when an unknown number called your phone you didn’t hesitate to pick up, and when he told you to meet him all the way across town, you went thirty miles-per-hour past the speed limit to get to Abe as soon as you could.

The door slammed open as a hand pulled you inside, and within a matter of seconds, you could see the trail of blood leading to a body less than twenty feet away from you.

“Oh god, Abe what’s going–”

“Fix him. Please, (Y/N).” Opening your medical pack, you sat on the ground beside the man, your eyes showing a determination that somehow put Abe slightly at ease.

“I’ll try.”

✧ ✧ ✧

Nearly an hour later, you stroked the handsome strangers face, keeping an eye on his vitals as he slept. Your eyes drifted to your watch. Crap. You were definitely going to be late for work.

“Fuck,” The stranger winced, holding his chest in the place he’d been shot. “Abe?” Coughing, his eyes fluttering open, revealing two piercing blue orbs.

“Sorry, just me.” The stranger jolted up, trying to back away from you. “Hey–” You called, seeing that trying to move was only causing him more pain, “I’m not here to hurt you. Your brother called me in. Apparently, his little brother needed saving.” Letting out a sigh of relief, his body relaxed and he laid back down. 

“Thank you.”

“No problem. Happy to help–” Your words lingered in the air as you waited for him to tell you his name.

“Mateo. My name’s Mateo.”

“Well, Mateo, remember to take two of these every 6 hours.” You held up a bottle of extra-strength Tylenol, “Sorry, I’m not allowed to give out prescription pain medication where I work, since we get a lot of addicts, so this is the best I can do.” He chuckled, and when he smiled at you you thought your knees were about to go weak. 

You shook it off, and as you walked to the door, you turned around, speaking once more.

“I’m (Y/N), by the way. If you ever get yourself shot again, I wrote my number on the painkiller bottle. Use it.” As you were about to shut the door you heard him call out to you.

“I might just have to get shot again soon, then.”

He Asks You On A Date :

“Hello?” You couldn’t resist picking up the fifth unknown number call this week, and immediately, a robotic voice began to speak,

“Hello caller, you’ve been chosen for a complimentary stay at the Mariotte Hotel! To start, you’ll need to answer a few questions. What are the 16 digits of your credit card–” Hanging up, you rolled your eyes. These calls were getting out of hand… Maybe you needed to stop pining after some guy you met literally once before. He would call if he was interested, right?

For some reason, you kept hoping one of the unknown numbers would be Mateo calling to talk to you or– stop, (Y/N), he hasn’t called in two weeks, which means he probably won’t call at all.

Sighing, you made your way into the homeless shelter, preparing to treat hundreds of patients and attempting to get your mind off of Abe’s very attractive younger brother.

A few hours later, just as your work shift was finishing up, a voice called out to you.

“(Y/N)?” Turning around, you smiled.

“Hey, Mateo.”

“Um, hi. I wanted to say thank you for saving my life somehow, and I got to thinking… Fuck, I thought I’d be prepared for this but it’s a lot harder to do in person, um, would you, maybe wanna–” You could barely hear what he was saying, and you were about to tell him just this when he paused, seemingly calming himself down before saying, “Would you maybe want to go get something to eat? Abe told me what time your shift ended and–” Going back into his mumbling, you still managed to, albeit he said it quietly, hear what he was said loud and clear.

“What? Oh um, sure! It was nothing, really, I was just doing my job, and honestly, if this is your way of saying thank you, you really don’t need to do anything special.”

“Well, I was scared if I asked you on a date you wouldn’t say yes and I–”

“Mateo–”

“I needed an excuse to see you that didn’t involve me getting shot… Again. I, um, I couldn’t stop thinking–”

“Hey, Mateo.”

“About you after you left but–” 

You worked up the nerve and kissed him. It was soft, yes, but all your excitement was evident as you smiled into his lips. After the initial shock, Mateo kissed you back with just as much passion, pulling you towards him by your waist.

“You know,” You started, breaking away from his warm hold, “I would have said yes if you asked me on a date.”

“Really?” His blue orbs gazed into your (E/C) ones.

“Mhm,” Pecking his lips again, the two of you made your way to the exit of the shelter as you joked around, “You should have asked me sooner, though. At this point, I was waiting for you to get shot just so I could see you again…”

“Don’t worry, next time I get shot you’ll be the first one I call.”

“There won’t be a ‘next time’ if I can help it.”

“I’m glad.”

The Marriage Proposal :

You held a simple, black stainless steel ring in your hand.

Waiting for the right time, the right place, you knew you wanted to marry Mateo Guevara, and since he wasn’t the most “observant” person in the world, you decided you’d save yourself the trouble of hinting to him that you were ready to get married.

You’d planned it for weeks. First, you’d ask to go on a walk, “somehow” passing the warehouse where you’d first met. You’d remind him of the fateful day and confess that to Mateo you fell in love the minute you laid eyes on him. Then, you’d take him to the diner where you’d had your first date, and before time dessert rolled around, you’d ask the waiter to stick the simple little band in the top of the chocolate lava cake.

It would have been perfect… If it had actually happened.

✧ ✧ ✧

The day started out beautifully. On a conveniently placed day-off for the both of you, you woke up in your shared apartment, made a quick cup of coffee for yourself and your (hopefully) soon-to-be-fiance and “casually” suggested that the two of you should go on a walk. 

He outright refused. 

In retrospect, you shouldn’t have gotten mad. He was tired from working, and since he was trying his hardest not to do anything illegal, making good money meant lots of hours, multiple jobs, and rarely any days off to just chill. 

Although, being only human, you did get upset at the thought of your very hard to coordinate day-off going to waste. Bottom line, you raised your voice and so did he, but being the man he was, decided to leave the house to go cool off before he did something he’d regret. So there you stood, with no finance, a plan that had gone to crap, and a ring waiting for the right person.

What a shitshow.

✧ ✧ ✧

“Hey, Matty?” You shivered as you down beside him on the balcony, wrapping a blanket around the two of you.

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry.” His eyebrows furrowed.

“Why? If anything I should be the one apologizing for being so fucking rude–”

“No,” Cutting him off, your emotions began to pour forth, “I should have known you were exhausted from working. I just wanted this day to be perfect so I could–” You stopped yourself. Shit. Of course, you’d almost let everything slip.

“So you could… (Y/N), what were you going to say?”

“Nothing, I, um–”

“Were you gonna break up with me? Is that why you wanted to hang out so bad? So you could tell me that I worked too much or don’t spend enough time with you? I know I work a bunch but I’m trying to take less shifts so I can see you more…”

“No, it’s nothing like that.”

“Then what is it? (Y/N), I thought things were going amazing, but if you don’t want to be with me why didn’t you just tell–”

“Marry me.”

“...What?”

“You heard me.” You pulled out the ring you’d bought, and he stared at it in awe.

“You… You mean it?” His eyes started to gloss, and as a dopey smile adorned his face, you whispered, 

“I do.” Chuckling, he gently placed his left hand into your empty one, allowing you to place the ring on his finger. It fit perfectly.

“Hey, that’s my line.”

Maybe the proposal didn’t go like you’d planned, but in your eyes, and Mateo’s, it was perfect.

[malafight]

Long-Ass Life Update (I’m not dead!)

Finally a life update now that I’m back home. It’s been a painful and tiring couple of weeks :’) And actually some of the days/times might be off because I was like super fucking out of it for most of that time period.

Anyhow, I went to the ER on Friday the 1st after 3 days of severe stomach pain, and the local hospital is like notoriously shitty but I was in horrible pain ok

They actually took me seriously for once, took me back immediately, ekg, ultrasound, blood and piss tests, and told me from the start not to eat or drink anything.

They told me they found gallstones and one or more might be stuck in the bile duct, but they made it sound like it wasnt inflamed and there werent many, so I wasnt super worried? They sent me for an MRI and then told me that they didnt have the capability to get out any stones, so they sent my ass an hour away via ambulance to a much better hospital so they could do the probe thing they needed to. It took until Saturday night to get a room there, though, and they didnt know when I’d get there and since they figured theyd want to do the probe ASAP, I was kept completely without eating or drinking for all of Friday night and Saturday, after not eating more than a few bites of muffin on Friday and next to nothing Thursday either because Everything Hurt.

Also, Fentanyl is fucking magic. Thats the only thing that even vaguely touched the pain.

So anyhow, I get to the other hospital at fuck o’clock at night and God Damn Staved because, like I said, bitches gave me No Fucking Food for an entire day (I’m not kidding that hospital is horrible and has a horrible reputation for ending up with killing people or making situations worse but the next nearest hospitals are an hour away in different directions and I don’t often have anyone willing to drive me that far and I often don’t feel up to driving myself that far if I’m already at “need to go to the ER, fuck the money I don’t have” point, and Saer has only just gotten into the USA and the last time they came with me to the ER they ended up with a virus for like three weeks and I wasn’t gonna do that to them again!!) and finally when I got to that hospital they were like “yeah we won’t be able to do the probe until Monday so eat something and then tomorrow you’re on a liquid diet and then nothing by mouth after midnight” so they scrounged me up some chicken broth and orange juice at like ten o’clock at night and gave me Those Good Good Meds and I slept in a decent hospital bed instead of on a fucking ER bed like Friday night (since they were transferring me at the local hospital they didn’t admit me and I slept in the ER. yeah. i hurt too badly to sleep on my side even with pain meds, and I slept on an ER bed. I had to sleep all day Saturday on and off just to get vaguely rested, but honestly? this whole ordeal has been an adventure in sleep deprivation despite heavy sedatives)

Monday rolls around and they take me for the ERCP (iirc thats what it was) where they put a thing down my throat and cut the bile duct wider so the stone could pass, get that bitch cleared up, all is well. I was heavily sedated and remember none of it, just waking up with different pain in my stomach and the world’s worst sore throat.

I was on a liquid diet from that and until the extraction on Wednesday. I have drank my weight in broth and orange juice.

Wednesday they take me in to remove my gallbladder. It was supposed to be a simple laparoscopic procedure, nip it out, pull it, I go home in a couple days with a couple small cuts on my belly. My dad (and several other people) reassured me that it was routine and quick, and is an easy procedure that should take 2 hours at most. I told him, “Listen, with me, literally nothing is ever easy and you know that”

Fast forward to me waking up and my first thought is “is that a catheter? guess it didnt go so easy after all.” I’m pretty sure the first words I said as I woke up were “told you it wouldnt be easy” lmao

Remember how hospital #1 told me that my gallbladder wasn’t inflamed and there were only a couple gallstones?

It was chock goddamn full of gallstones and so inflamed that when they tried to get it out laparoscopically, it tore. He spent an hour trying to get it out that way safely before realizing that his only recourse is to cut me open and get it out that way. The procedure took closer to 5 hours.

I have at least 20 staples in my belly now and I hope I get a cool fuckin scar but shit hurts still. I was in the hospital slowly ramping up to eating solid food again until Friday when I was allowed to go home to Saer. I can’t lift anything more than 20 pounds for another like month, and my range of motion is a fraction of what it was before. I’m so easily exhausted now and i can barely do anything and it’s really fucking pathetic??? and every time I bring that up Saer is like “they TOOK your ORGAN” so

(its really sad that i’m so conditioned that If I’m Not Doing Everything I Can All The Time Then I’m Not Trying Hard Enough that even after having full surgery to remove an organ I’m like NO I CAN DO THE THING and then end up hurting myself s-sobs)

(we watched the episode of b99 today where gina comes back after getting hit by a bus and when she tried to dance while still in the halo saer pointed at her and was like “it u” and i was like “exCUSE” but like, tru)

anyhow, im home, and i have my wife with me, and saer is such a blessing right now because i cannot do SHIT and they need to help me off the couch sometimes if my dumb ass gets in a position with no leverage, and also ive already fallen off the couch like twice because i was like NO I GOT IT and saer was across the room like BEB NO U DONT and yeah im stubborn and stupid ok saer is saving me from myself for the most part

also also the app i drive for is shutting down in my city at the start of december hhhhh so now i also have to fuckin... find a job like this and uGH do not WANT ffff

but yeah thats something even my parents have okayed me holding off on until I’m better so if even my fuckin parents are like “pls chill???” yall know im fucked up

however i’m mostly weaned off opiod pain meds now and am only using them at night when it’s worse and hard to sleep, tylenol tends to take care of it well enough now. my range of motion is improving, too, but i am just still so easily tired that its frustrating. we went grocery shopping yesterday and even in the little motor scooter i was completely worn out by the end of it.

but im alive! all is well! i will continue improving! sorry for being so quiet during this but like I said, i’ve been some level of sedated for most of this event. not fully sedated except for the two procedures, but fentanyl and dilautin (ok i have no idea what it actually is and google isnt helping but i had a button for it) and then morphine and hydrocodone on top of not getting restful sleep At All due to pain, discomfort, and people coming in every hour for vitals checks... I was fuckin Gone i got fuckall done rip

however once my pain-induced blood pressure spike was lowered (i saw them take it at the ER and it was fuckin RED) everyone was like “...you have really good blood pressure??” like i’m pretty sure i have low blood pressure naturally and my size/genetics gives me high blood pressure and they kinda cancel each other out, but yeah. pretty cool.

my family kept swinging between “IF YOURE IN THAT MUCH PAIN FOR 24 HOURS YOU GO TO THE ER. YOU DO NOT WAIT THREE DAYS.” and “...jesus christ you have a high pain tolerance”

//throws the horns thats what chronic pain does to ya baybee

my mom especially was impressed because she was just like “you’re so calm talking to them about how much it hurts how are you doing that” and im just like “its literally wasted energy to freak out and i hurt too badly to move so im just gonna sit here and tell them im a ten and hope they take pity on me because i have no other options”

anyhow fun new experience and im pretty sure ive broken my brother’s hospitalization record and also pretty sure i’ve got enough medical debt on me now that i can literally file for bankruptcy so

also i can feel a void near my ribs and it is so bizarre yall fuckin organs need to close the gap asap bc this shit weird as hell