#The Miserable Mill

[monsterkingu]

Honestly she was serving.

[404pagenotavailable]

hyperfixating is so embarrassing someone tells me they have a cut on the bottom of their foot and i go "oh, like the lumbermill co-owner from season 1 episode 8 of that Netflix show and movie you've never seen! yeah, in that scene where he and the visually impaired child are hypnotized. no, *before* the infant almost gets thrown into the furnace that kills the optometrist."

[safirefire]

miserable mill hypnosis klaus didn’t recognize Olaf as Shirley and I’m just realizing the vfd disguises didn’t even need to be that good if there was an element of hypnosis involved

[sarnie-for-varney]

Charles getting jealous over Sir

Not Shirley/Olaf and Dr. Orwell being like mm? 👀 😂

[unfortunatetheorist]

The Complete Works of Contradictory Logic in ASOUE: Volume I (Quote Debunk 10)

Part 7 - The Miserable Mill S1 E7

Quick Intro: Surprise! I'm back after what I know has been quite a long while - life's been keeping me busy! As Voltaire once said: "Life is thickly sown with thorns and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them."

Time to carry on where we left off...

And of course we're jumping straight in with Mr Poe-ntless:

01:49 - "We must act now! We must act without delay! We... (sniffs)... need... (sniffs again)... We need... (sniffs some chowder because why not?) Oh! Oh, my! Oh, my, this is excellent chowder. Mmm, mmm, good. Oh, God... [chugs the entire thing - again, why not?]"

How did we ever believe this guy cared about the Baudelaires?

05:06 - "Pink Floyd's "The Wall"... Although Mother wouldn't let me watch that one."

Not contradictory per se, but a beautifully subtle reference to the lyrics of the song 'Another Brick in The Wall, Pt 2.' particularly the chorus:

We don't need no education

We don't need no thought control

No dark sarcasm in the classroom

Teacher, leave them kids alone!

So I guess it's contradictory, in a way, to the underlying principles of V.F.D.

07:06 - "They have to do what I say, even my partner here." ~ Sir

Luckily Klaus responds quickly and correctly to this one.

10:06 - "...who joined you for years on a sequence of heists and schemes until the two of you were forced apart by circumstance, and also because you ran off in the middle of the night with a bunch of her valuables?" ~ Olaf. to Evander the Truck Driver

What a way to lose a lady. Something tells me only Olaf would do something like this!

The chocolate bar scene at 10:26 is funny, but not really the kind of contradiction we're looking for.

14:45 - "I'm just an old friend" *sniffs flowers and writhes in disgust* ~Olaf to Georgina

"Um, Dr Orwell's not here right now." ~ Dr Orwell (Georgina) to Olaf.

Sheer genius. Neatly covered with the hilarity of Olaf's facial expression after smelling the flowers.

15:06 - "So he isn't just knocking on Dr Orwell's door because he needs something - for himself?" ~ Georgina

Olaf: *chuckles*, *pulls angry face*, *chuckles*

It's brilliantly timed and brilliantly filmed. Also better/easier to understand when viewed.

15:27 - "...who shares one's brilliance, one's charm, one's dubious moral code in a world gone gloriously wrong." ~ Olaf

Olaf was just trying to find alphabetical words; 'brilliance' and 'charm' have quite different meaning and connotation to 'dubious'.

Also, a world gone 'gloriously wrong', eh, Olaf? I wonder how it got that way...

15:48 - This gem:

Georgina: "I took a solemn oath that my office would be closed to you forever even during regular business hours."

Also Georgina: "How big a fortune are we talking?"

22:22 - "I took a chance on treating you like grown-ups, don't make me regret it." ~ Sir to the Baudelaires

A classic phrase often said to children to enforce good behaviour now twisted to benefit Sir's bank balance. Respect, Handler! This kind of thing goes unnoticed very easily.

25:25 - "You, me, an evil scheme, a little death." ~ Olaf

"La petit mort" ~ Georgina

"You know I love it when you speak Spanish." ~ Olaf

Ok. First off, 'la petit mort' is, in fact, French not Spanish. Secondly, 'la petit mort' literally means 'the little death' but in French slang, it means something else entirely... [Hint: not child-friendly...]

26:10 - "It represents the eyes of God staring down and judging society as a moral wasteland." ~ Klaus

"Oh, that sounds like a fun book." ~ Phil

Not really sure how fun this is... but the same could be said about ASOUE to be fair. Each to his own, I suppose.

37:24 - "We've fought a host of unsavoury characters, including a most unfriendly refrigerator repair person. We've flown a plane into a hurricane. We've been to Peru and back to get home to our children. And today, finally, we'll all be together. What could be wrong?"

Gotta love the sarcasm when it's there.

There's also the piece related to the final scene about Sir mentioning the 'probable' (yeah right) conditions of the Baudelaires, which are actually his own... this isn't as contradictory as it perhaps could've been so not worth writing in full.

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph, Unfortunate Theorist/Snicketologist

[quotespile]

A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out.

Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

[beatricebidelaire]

“What else can we do?” Klaus said quietly. He began to feel along the side of the building to find the door, and at this point in the story of the Baudelaire orphans, I would like to interrupt for a moment and answer a question I’m sure you are asking yourself. It is an important question, one which many, many people have asked many, many times, in many, many places all over the world. The Baudelaire orphans have asked it, of course. Mr. Poe has asked it. I have asked it. My beloved Beatrice, before her untimely death, asked it, although she asked it too late. The question is: Where is Count Olaf?

-- tmm

im trying to reconstruct the day of the fire. how did she ask this question. what was the situation that led to this question to be asked. or was it not actually referring to that day

[sockswritings]

books i've read in 2023

↳ the miserable mill, lemony snicket (★★★)

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

I think the best thing netflix did was changing it so that the Baudelaires ran away and ended up at the lumbermill rather than them literally being placed there.

[free-my-boy-grumbot]

Ranking the ASOUE parts because I’m bored and my friend isn’t online

i would love to keep it extensive but i also don’t want tumblr to crash so i will keep it brief. spoilers, obviously. also charcater death.

13. The Grim Grotto

Listen just because it’s 13th doesn’t mean it’s BAD, it just means i’m kinda indifferent to it as opposed to obsessing over it like i do with the others. It’s just that I’m not THAT into nautical themes and I have 2 nautical-themed assignments to do in school today so I’m a little sick of it.

Also, I’m just not that big on Fiona as a character. I didn’t really like the two-girls-hate-each-other-for-no-reason thing that she had going with Violet (especially because it was really out of charcater for her), her romance with Klaus seemed out of place, and her being related to Fernald just seemed like it was pulled out of nowhere to get an emotional reaction. Again, I get why you’d like her and the part, it’s just not for me personally. Also esme’s worst outfit was featured here. Also in the netflix series it just wasn’t as funny as the other ones and that’s a huge thing for me

12. The Wide Window

Honestly didn’t expect this one to be so low, but it’s difficult to choose between these bc i love them all </3 anyways I actually liked Josephine as a charcater, I like the idea that she wants to help the children but is rendered basically incompetent because of her fear, they really popped off with that. HOWEVER they did a very similar thing with Hector but way better so alas </3 12th place

Also like I said, not a massive fan of sea-themed aesthetics. Also also I LOVE all of count olaf’s disguises but I’m kind of indifferent to captain Sham so that also might be why. Also, again, the rest of the netflix series was way funnier

11. The Carnivorous Carnival

Honestly, not much to say about this one. The “not really feeling strongly one way or the other” section has come early this year apparently. Esme and Olivia both SLAYED in their outfits and we got introduced to the circus crew which was cool as fuck. Sadly I have knocked SEVERAL points off for horny count olaf. The scene where he describes madame lulu as buttered really makes you appreciate how little force it takes to rip one’s ear off. It provides me with a new and informed understanding of the phrase “skin crawling”. other than that it’s pretty good :)

10. The Slippery Slope

Now I was one of those people who didn’t know what Mount Fraught syndrome was before reading this book, and the reveal of why the mountain was named that fucking eviscerated me. I was used to this series pulling shit like this constantly and yet this one destroyed me for some reason. If you already knew what mount fraught syndrome was before reading/watching this scene then you didn’t get the full experience and i’m sorry for you.

I also don’t LOVE quigley and violet. I know i just said that about klaus and fiona so it kinda seems like i hate romance, but i really dont. i hate forced romance. romance just isn’t daniel handlers strong suit but he insists on writing it anyway, and that’s fine. it’s what i do with basically everything i write about. Especially since in the netflix series duncan also has a crush on violet so it’s kinda ??? for her to end up with quigley. like do you guys think when quigley and duncan reunited quigley told him about this really cool girl called violet he met and duncan was like “…”. anyways imagine getting cucked by your presumed dead twin brother could not be me

9. The Austere Academy

okay so i felt bad putting this lower because i know someone that really likes this part but i’m sorry it’s just kinda there. i mean it was super funny and the dead horse bit is literally everything but that’s pretty much it. idk maybe there’s a metaphor in there that i’m missing who knows

also olivia was introduced so bonus points for that i guess. she reminds me of miss honey from matilda <33

8. The Ersatz Elevator

honestly i feel bad that this is only 8th but there are so many good ones imsorry. anyways esme and jerome got introduced in this one which gives is a LOT of extra points. i love esme and i pity jerome which makes me also love him. also shoutout to günther for being the only count olaf disguise that could theoretically get it.

my only issue with it is that jerome disowning the baudelaires was kinda forced yk?? like i know it had to happen for the plot to carry on but i don’t think he had a good reason to do it. i guess points for doing something other than just killing them off again?

7. The End

OKAY so you might be thinking “oh, this part is exactly in the middle! surely that means you’re neuteral about it” LMAO I WISH i have extreme positive and negative opinions.

okay so first off it took me a couple of rewatches to get this one because when i first watched it i didn’t know about the quote that it was referencing (“religion is the opium of the people”) but MAN they mentioned that quote in class and i was catatonic for like 2 minutes because oh my god. not only did the incredibly deadly viper come back (yippieee) but they also implied that in the bible adam and eve were actually saved from something by eating the fruit?? the 4chan atheist that lives in my head really likes this one, is what i’m saying. also i know i say that about all of them because my sense of humour is basically based on this series rn but it was so funny. i live and breathe for olaf’s lil christopher columbus moment.

sadly it does have its downsides (olaf and kit) (i really hate olaf and kit) (i don’t think they’re good together). i mean SURELY kit has better taste than that. i mean don’t get me wrong they’re both my favourite characters but they have no common ground on literally anything. plus this is biased but i liked him better with georgina or esme because they remind me of several songs i really like. they literally just pulled the kit x olaf thing out of their ass so that olaf would have some semblance of a reason to die. oh yea i also think olaf didn’t need to die, i know Kit didn’t eat the antidote because it would have affected the baby but olaf could have totally eaten it!! he was offered it!! he wasn’t pregnant!!! it was so out of charcater for him not to eat it!!

6. The Hostile Hospital

Okay this one is SUPER biased because as y’all probably know i love the mad scientist trope it is my favourite trope ever AND i love count olaf so seeing them get put together was so cool. I know I keep bringing this up but i really do love the aesthetics they’re so cool. also also loved all the horror film references. most importantly (actually not that important) esmes outfit went so fucking hard literally i will never recover from the sheer power and moxie of Knife Heels. When I become actually talented at textiles i will recreate her outfit and probably ruin my carpet with those heels.

5. The Bad Beginning

a classic <33 the netflix version of this was literally one of the funniest eps of anything i ever watched i could feel my brain chemistry being rearranged as i watched it. also count olaf’s best era idc what he did he was literally just being sillay. also it has one of the best songs in the series honestly. OH ALSO justice strauss <33 and the troupe <333 literally all the beloveds are here there are no flaws

4. The Reptile Room

MONTY <333 HIIII MONTYYYY <33333333 literally my fav character he has never done anything wrong in his life ever. Also I love his fucking house it’s so cool if I had that much money I too would base my entire house on my special interest. also one of the only parts of the nickelodeon movie i didn’t hate so that’s fun.

3. The Miserable Mill

Lots of cool shit here!! First of all Shirley served astronomical amounts of cunt she had zero bad lines. Also I honestly think Georgina and Olaf were so underrated they remind me of several songs i like also they’re both fucked up and evil <333 she’s like esme but without the ulterior sugar bowl motives. also the fact that her name is GEORGINA ORWELL like ok. queen of subtlety. Like I get it if I was named that I would prolly start hypnotising people too. I also kinda love orwellian themes yk those are always fun.

AND OMG HOW COULD I FORGET CHARLESSS i feel so bad for him constantly he has never done anything wrong in his life and is also inexplicably british i love him sm

2. The Penultimate Peril

I love a good reunion episode tbh i love seeing all the characters together <33 also like this episode is so fun to dissect? (is that the right word?) i loved figuring out who JS was i loved finding differences between Frank and Ernest I loved figuring out what the fuck was going on it was so fun it’s like the best thing about this series.

of course that’s only partially true tpp would be nothing without those sexy sexy monologues

1. The Vile Village

TVV BELOVED <33 I have a separate post about the but they literally have everything. it’s a metaphor for autism it’s a metaphor for religion it’s a metaphor for the school system is there anything they CANT do. Also this is like my 5th time saying this but there are 300+ characters and i’m an indecisive bitch so i will do it again. Hector the actual loml is literally my fav charcater hes so me. don’t worry dude i cant openly defy authority despite knowing its unjust either <3 literally we would be best friends irl. she’s RELATABLE she’s MORALLY AMBIGUOUS she has SEVERAL INTERPRETATIONS I AGREE WITH she’s STRANGE she’s everything you want in an asoue book honestly

Also detective dupin and officer luciana kinda slayed what was Wrong with them <3

[davytheshark]

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO JUST REALIZED THAT CHARLES AND SIR WERE DATING IN THE ASOUE SHOW?!?!?!

Granted I haven’t watched it since I was 9 but STILL.

I had to stop myself from bursting out laughing in front of my brother when Sir said his policy was “don’t ask, don’t tell”

IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE aaaaaaaaaa

[milf-lover42]

Shoutout to Netflix for giving me a way to claim Georgina survived TMM. The furnace is an easy escape… the saw blade… distressing to me as a Georgina lover. So shout out to Presley Smith for teething during filming so that Sunny and Georgie couldn’t sword fight (teeth) before her death. Helps my psyche immensely.

[asouearchitecture]

Subpar quality illustration of lucky smells lumbermill

[library-child]

This is the moment where you should reconsider your life and your relationship. You can do better, Charles!

Rhys Darby as Charles in A Series of Unfortunate Events S1:E7+E8 ⪼ immediately wants to adopt the Baudelaires

[sarnie-for-varney]

Rhys Darby really said 'Repressed gay character? Sign me up!'

[unfortunatetheorist]

*Joint Theory 4: @unfortunatetheorist with @snicketstrange* :

Liar, Liar? Quag's on Fire? - (BCT & NCT)

We're back! This time, to discuss the apparent contradiction surrounding the Quagmire fire:

How did Duncan and Isadora get out of the Orphans Shack if their parents were already dead when they got there?

But perhaps, more importantly, When did the Quagmire fire occur?

Well, there are some key excerpts that further our understanding:

The letter to the editor found in TAA indicates that the Baudelaires stayed a half-term (half-semester) at Prufrock-Prep.

According to Nero, for a child to live in the good apartments of Prufrock-Prep, a signature from a parent or guardian would be required. It could not be Mr. Poe, who was in charge of their inheritance.

TAA - Chapter 3: "My sister and I went through the experience of a terrible fire, and we know what it's like. Did your father die in the fire?" "Our parents also died in a fire. It's horrible to miss your parents, isn't it?" "For a long time," Duncan confessed, "I was afraid of any kind of fire. I didn't even like to look at heaters or fireplaces." "Duncan and I had to live there for three terms because we needed a father or mother or a guardian to sign our authorization pass, and we had no one."

According to Quigley's account in TSS, the fire occurred after the events in TRR.

Brett Helquist's Letter to Lemony from Ch 11 of LSTUA:

Note: There was a Quagmire case that Lemony Snicket was accused of being involved in that PRECEDED the Baudelaire mansion fire. (Mr. Helquist arrived at the mansion while it was still on fire, and made the drawing that can be found in TBB).

Quigley's speech from Ch 8 of TSS:

You can verify that the Quagmire fire, according to Quigley, happened after the events described in TRR, that is, after the Baudelaire mansion was destroyed.

And all the main events described from TBB until Ch 13 of The End, take place within a MAXIMUM of 1 year. We know this because Violet and Klaus start the story at 14 and 12 years old, respectively, and have birthdays during the story: Klaus in TVV and Violet in TGG, and when they arrive on the island they are 15 and 13 years old respectively.

Actually, this is something the showrunners of the Netflix series picked up on - and SOLVED:

THEORY: The Quagmire parents faked their deaths. This means the children would've been sent to the Orphans' Shack before the revelation of Mr & Mrs Quagmire being alive allowed Isadora and Duncan to live in the apartment section of Prufrock Prep - they would've been alive to sign the necessary paperwork, and thus get out of the Shack. Then they died for REAL, meaning that the two triplets went back to Prufrock, but they STAYED at the dormitory because the papers had already been signed.

Netflix clears a lot of it up [hence 'BCT & NCT'], answering the questions we posed earlier:

Q: How did Duncan and Isadora get out of the Orphans Shack if their parents were already dead when they got there?

A: They were sent to the Orphans' Shack during the time when their parents' deaths were faked. The problem was that they didn't have someone to sign the paperwork. The Orphans' Shack is a temporary location until the parents can sign the paperwork. They only managed to get out of there, because their parents weren't really dead, and they signed the papers. When their parents actually died, they had already signed the papers.

Q: When did the Quagmire fire occur?

A: As Netflix states it, during the events of TMM.

¬ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph & @snicketstrange,

Unfortunate Theorists/Snicketologists