#The League of Regrettable Superheroes

[zelly-raptor]

-FLASHBACK FRIDAY- To the ??/08/2023: Man O'Metal.

Here's another Golden age Superhero I drew last year and I only recently coloured in. This is Man o'Metal!

Real name Pat Dempsey, Pat is a Steel worker, who after a freak accident from getting molten slag poured on him. Gained the ability to turn his Skin into Metal! Making him into "Man o'Metal!

"So a little bit like Colossus from X-Men?". Well a little bit, See in order for Pat to activate his powers he needs to be in contact with Fire. So in the Comics whenever trouble took place , Pat had to frantically look a source of heat so either a Spark from the backfire of a car engine or a lit cigarette. Why he didn't carry a Lighter with him we'll never know...

[zelly-raptor]

Now This! ⬆️ This is a Book! If you like Crazy ol'Superheroes (Like me) then this is Worth checking out!

Reading this

[brandstifter-sys]

Mask Raid

@dukexietyweek 2024 Day 7 - Superhero + Rivals to Lovers

Word Count: 3630 (Ao3)

Rating: T

Characters: fem!Virgil (Violetta), mtf!Remus (Reina)

Pairing: Dukexiety

Warnings: Violence, sex mention, 4th wall breaking, mild internalized transmysogyny (blink and you'll miss it), spideypool vibes

Violetta is just trying to get by daily while also saving the city at night as Rabidosa, a web-slinging super heroine. It would be so much easier if she didn't have a hot roommate, or an obnoxious rival like Piscina Muerta. But even if they don't always see eye to eye, Vi can't just leave her to die on a warehouse rooftop! What happens after that is—

Shush and tell the story!

Fine...

---

It was one of those days when absolutely everything was going to shit. First someone stole her bike, then she had to handle the barrage of Karens doing their holiday shopping, and then she had to deal with car callers shouting at her on her way home. Violetta was going to lose her shit if she didn't get to gorge on ice cream and watch horror movies when she got to her relatively new apartment. Her roommate could deal if she were home. 

Of course she wouldn't get to relax, even when she realized she was home alone. She got into her bedroom and stripped out of her uniform, only to hear a report from the police scanner on her dresser. Multiple shots were fired downtown, the suspected shooter was none other than the Duchess of Destruction herself. 

Vi regrettably pulled on her black and purple compression spandex and hid her head in the mask. Rabidosa was on her way to put a stop to the chaos before the cops made a mess. 

Rabidosa leapt out the window and shot some webs from her wrist, in no mood to be the hero. The Duchess, Piscina Muerta, was going to go through hell if she was behind this! 

She swung between the buildings until she came upon an abandoned warehouse downtown. She could feel her adrenaline spike, her spider sense, and decided that was the place to investigate. 

She landed on the roof and glanced around. Something was off. 

Bang

“Fuck! Right by the tit!” 

Rabidosa whipped around and saw A woman in a bright green bodysuit, covered in blood, standing in front of her. Rabidosa couldn't see her face behind the mask, but she knew this walking arsenal. 

“Piscina,” Rabidosa gasped and tensed. She saw the sniper. 

In an instant she webbed the barrel and charged across the rooftop. With a single leap and a solid left hook she knocked out the would-be assassin. 

She glanced around, searching for more threats. Her spider sense wasn't acting up, but it was odd. She could deliver this thug to the police and get answers, but there was something more important to handle. 

Rabidosa spun around and raced across the rooftops to Piscina Muerta as she stumbled to the fire escape. 

“Stop,” she ordered in a low, threatening voice. Piscina shivered and froze. 

Can you blame me? I am weak to dommy mommies who can kick my ass! 

“Is there a problem, Spiderlily?” Piscina Muerta chuckled and tried to stand upright. She was shaking and struggling to stay balanced. 

“What happened?” Rabidosa asked and approached her cautiously. Piscina had rapid healing powers, she knew that. But she was still concerned. 

“Oh, this? I got shot in the arm and beaten up by some guys protecting my target, they could've been major league baseball players with the way they swing those pipes! You should've seen me an hour ago! Those fucks were scared shitless when I managed to take them down!” she beamed, “I would've stayed longer but I needed to get here before it was too late!” 

“What do you mean ‘too late?’” 

“Well obviously I needed to keep you from taking a bullet to the head! Those fucks were going to kill anyone who caught them in the middle of their transaction! I couldn't find the last one until just now! It's so weird you showed up before he could run away,” Piscina shrugged and stared off into the distance, as if she were staring at the narrator and readers. 

That's exactly what I'm doing! Why did you set up such a lame meeting? I want Spidey to kick my ass and then eat it! This is not how I want to play doctor with her!

Rabidosa narrowed her eyes. It was no secret that there were drug and human traffickers in the area, and that Piscina had a personal vendetta against them. But it made no sense for this flirtatious disaster to want to save her. It's not like they got along.

“It would be so boring if you were injured or dead! Who would beat me up and step on me until I cream my tights! The hostages? The cops can handle them when they get here!—They’re safe before you freak out!” Piscina giggled, already sensing what Rabidosa was thinking. She immediately hissed and stumbled forward, falling to her hands and knees.

“Can you save the horniness for when you're not bleeding?” 

“Internally or externally? Because I don't know when the first one will stop!” 

“You're bleeding internally and you're flirting?!” Rabidosa gasped incredulously. If she weren't hurt, Rabidosa would have played along with Piscina's flirting. 

“Yup! I can't help myself! You're hot and you vibe with me!” Piscina giggled and slumped on her side.

Can I please mention how that spandex is straining to contain that cake? Because damn! I want my face to be her chair! 

Rabidosa wilted slightly and shook her head. This murderous dork was really out of it if she didn't even mention her butt.

Ohhhhh I see where this is going! Good work Narrator!

“Since I'm not a cop, and I know you don't want to go to a hospital, I'll make sure you get home safe,” Rabidosa sighed and took a knee in front of her. She couldn't exactly see Piscina’s lips turn upwards but it was obvious she was beaming with the way her cheeks moved up. 

“Oooh, you want to take this to my place? How forward of you!” Piscina teased but wrapped her good arm around Rabidosa’s shoulders. 

“Don't get the wrong idea, I'm interested in someone else,” Rabidosa scoffed and webbed over her wound to keep her from bleeding out. Then she tourniqueted above the wound with more webs and hoisted the Duchess of Destruction up with ease. 

“You're not single? Damn, your partner is lucky!” Piscina giggled and curled into her, noting how her chest was compressed and firm. She would have preferred having some cushioning for the trip, but she could deal. 

“I am. She's out of my league,” Rabidosa huffed, “Just tell me where to go.” 

“Aw, that can't be true!” Piscina whined, “You're so hot and strong and kind! You're a superhero! No one is out of your league!” 

“Where. Is. Your. Place?” 

“Up on Preston and 4th. It's the top floor so you can leave me on the roof. I don't want my roomie to see,” Piscina pouted. 

“Afraid they'll call the cops?” Rabidosa asked, expecting the answer to be yes. 

“No, she wouldn't do that,” Piscina sighed as Rabidosa shot a web from her wrist and swung off the roof. 

“Then why are you concerned?” 

“I don't want her to worry about me more than she does,” Piscina sighed and closed her eyes, letting the wind wash over her. Her injuries were getting to her.

Nuh-uh!

“She's so handsome and smart and scary. I would kill for her to step on my e-dick and then cuddle me all night,” she continued, “I want to snuggle up with her and listen to her singing her emo songs.” 

“Don't pass out on me,” Rabidosa scoffed and switched arms with practiced grace, “Keep talking about your roommate or anything.” 

“You’re worried about me too,” Piscina jeered and glanced up at her. From this angle she looked so noble and strong with the stars blurring behind her. 

“No shit. You're probably bleeding internally, you have a gunshot wound, and you're fading fast,” Rabidosa scoffed as she kept switching arms and swinging through the city. 

“I won't die!” Piscina argued weakly, “And you'll be kicking my ass this time next week, same as always!” 

“I don't want to accidentally drop you. I need you to hold on and you have to stay awake for that.” 

This narrator is oddly quiet! I won't pull a Stanley. Say something! What is she thinking?

Piscina pouted in thought, though her mind was reeling. Rabidosa glanced down at her and fought back a blush. She really shouldn't have found a mercenary like this fat mouthed ball of chaos cute, and certainly not when she was so beat up.

She thinks I'm cute!? 

Yes, Rabidosa thought Piscina was cute, a bubbly little imp who could get under her skin and try to kill her, but cute. She reminded Rabidosa of a certain someone but she didn't have the energy to dwell. She had to get Piscina Muerta to safety and probably remove the bullet in her arm.

Who do I remind her of!? Don't leave me hanging here! 

“Seriously, keep talking so I know you didn't pass out,” Rabidosa cut into her thoughts directed at the narrator. 

“You just want to know what my type is, don't you?” Piscina teased, “What do you want to know about my roomie?” 

“Is she armed?” 

“You should see her arms! My god, that woman is ripped, she could snap me like a twig!” Piscina gushed, “She is a brick house! Fat ass and tiddies, soft tummy, and so much muscle! I would kill for her to bench press me!” 

“I see personality doesn't matter to you,” the heroine scoffed, unsurprised. 

“Oh it does! I'm just horny first! You would think that the E would've killed my drive but it didn't! Probably because of the healing factor! Which is good, I need my morning wood—”

“I don't need to know that,” Rabidosa cut her off. 

“That doesn't mean you don't want to know!” Piscina jeered, “But that's all you get without getting a peek!” 

“Pass.” 

“Your loss! I'm hot! And my skin isn't totally fucked up like Wade Wilson! Then again I'm not a pansexual Canadian with a hard-on for Bea Arthur!” 

Rabidosa scanned the rooftops as they drew nearer. She had no idea what the hell Piscina was talking about, and she couldn't blame it on head trauma. 

“So you're not hot for the Golden Girls?” 

“I am! Just not to the same extent! Besides, I like my women a little less femme! That's another thing about my roomie that's hot! She's pretty futch!” 

“Right,” Rabidosa droned and took in their surroundings. She was not happy that she recognized the area. 

“She is! And she's so cute and sassy! But she's also really sweet and kind, and she can keep up with my nonsense! I love her rants and when she gets excited about music and spooky stuff! She's just amazing!” 

“And she has no idea what you do for a living?” Rabidosa quipped. She was all too aware of the neighborhood she was in. This was unnerving.

“Nope! She might not call the cops but she would be scared of me! I don't kill just anyone, I don't take just any contact! But she might not believe me. I don't want to lose her. She's the kind of woman I could fall in love with!” 

“You have a crush on her,” Rabidosa said, “And you're too scared to do anything about it?” 

“Me? Scared?” Piscina huffed, “I don't want to be labeled as a predator—I kill predators! I'm not scared, just aware of everything that could happen.” She didn't have to divulge that her thoughts tended to lean toward the worst of the worst case scenarios, and they plagued her. 

Leave my intrusive thoughts out of this! 

“Sounds like you are scared,” Rabidosa huffed and landed on the roof of her apartment building. Hopefully Piscina would tell her she was on the wrong roof. 

Ooh! She lives here too?

“So what if I am? It's not like she’s interested in me like that,” Piscina pouted and fumbled out of Rabidosa’s arms. She could barely stand, but she didn't need to have this conversation. 

“Which apartment are you in?” Rabidosa asked stiffly. Piscina shrugged and peeked over the edge of the roof. She was surprised to see her roommate’s window wide open. 

“Don't sweat it, my roommate has to be home, so I have to be sure she can't see me sneaking in.” 

Rabidosa grabbed her by the collar and pulled her up to face her. 

“Which apartment?” she snarled. 

Oh fuck, I think I just creamed my tights! 

“505.” 

“She's not home,” Rabidosa said flatly and threw the duchess over her shoulder. Piscina squawked and flailed as Rabidosa leapt over the edge of the roof and scaled the building. 

“What do you think you're doing?” 

Because I think I'm staring at one spidery ass at work and I don't want to stop!

“Getting you to your apartment,” Rabidosa said and crawled through the open window. She would have to remember to close her window better next time. 

What!? 

“Is this your room or hers?” Rabidosa asked, still keeping up the guise because she couldn't break the fourth wall. 

I'm feeling attacked and targeted. And what do you mean “her window?!” Are you saying that this hot webslinger is actually—

“Piscina?” 

“It's hers. Can't you see the band posters?” Piscina grumbled. Her mind was reeling. 

Rabidosa said nothing and carried Piscina to her room. She set the menace on the bed and sighed. Where was the first aid kit? 

“Hey Spinstress, mind helping me with the mask?” Piscina cooed, “I think I can trust you to keep a secret!” 

“You sure?” Rabidosa hesitated and crouched beside her. She already knew which face was behind the mask, and she was not ready to see it. 

“Yeah! It's not like you would rat me out or tell my roommate that I have a crush on her! And I need to breathe easy to get this chunk of metal out of my arm!” 

Rabidosa sighed and carefully removed the mask. She was met with the most hypnotic green eyes and the most blinding grin. Piscina’s long, wavy, dark hair was messy as it fell around her face. There was no mistaking it, that was her roommate, Reina, trusting her with a gigantic secret. 

“Am I too pretty to handle?” Reina giggled softly. She was uncomfortable with the heroine staring at her in silence. 

“Of all the people you could be,” Vi said and removed her own mask, “You just had to be Reina.” 

Holy fuck! Am I dreaming?!

Reina let out a squeal and tried to tackle Vi in a hug. She wanted to run her fingers through that messy emo pixie cut and smother her in kisses. 

But Vi held her down with one hand and shook her head. 

“Wait until I get that bullet out.” 

“I have some chloroform in my left calf pocket if you need it. I don't!” Reina beamed, “The bullet kit is under the bed.” 

Vi hunched over and pulled out the kit. She was nervous but not shaking. She could do this. 

“Your left calf pocket? Is it on a cloth?” Vi asked, knowing she would make a mistake if Reina were awake. She didn't want to do more damage. 

That's my Violetta for you! Always thinking about not hurting people! Isn't she the cutest? 

“Yep! Oh! This is just like one of my wet dreams! Only after you knock me out I wake up to you riding—” 

Vi wasted no time grabbing the drugged cloth and covering Reina’s mouth before she could get into detail. Once the imp passed out she got to work. 

Oh come on! Dream Vi was riding a giant spider like a horse! Sure I was tied to a web and naked and incredibly turned on, but I wouldn't give her the fun details! Oh! It's starting now! 

*The following dream sequence has been excluded due to the explicit nature of the content* 

“Explicit nature?” What could be so bad about a little bdsm and s&m? Na na nana come on!—unless you mean the cannibalism, I can get that! 

Is it both? You're no fun! 

---

Reina blinked herself awake after an hour. She was still sore but on the mend, and dressed in her favorite pajama shorts and t-shirt. She'd be all better by morning. 

Hold on! I go commando! Vi saw my sexy naked body! And I didn’t get to show off?!

She sat up, to her own detriment, and glanced around the room. Nothing was out of place except for the medical kit on her nightstand. Vi was nowhere to be seen. 

Reina figured that she needed some time to come to terms with the fact that her roommate was the assassin she fought so many times. Or maybe she had to come to terms with the fact that Reina really liked her. It would be uncomfortable to have a stereotypical horny trans woman lusting after her all the time. 

Ugh way to make me feel like shit. I don't care if I'm thinking it, you don't have to say it!

But then there was a knock on the door, pulling her from her woes 

“Yes!” Reina cooed, drawing out the vowel. 

“I brought you a smoothie. I swear to god if you're not in bed right now I will break every bone in your feet,” Vi said from the other side of the door before opening it. 

“Your bedside manner needs work, but lucky for you, I'm into threats!” Reina beamed. 

Vi shook her head and walked over to her. She was bundled in her favorite hoodie and sweatpants, clearly hiding her form. And the red take-out cup in her hand was calling to Reina. 

“It's apple-kiwi-kale, is that cool with you?” Vi asked and handed her the drink. Reina took it with a nod and then took a sip. 

“You added chocolate and seaweed!” she gasped and slurped it all down, sucking in her cheeks to get every last drop. It was her signature drink! 

“Yeah, it's what you always get so I figured you'd want it,” Vi admitted and curled into herself. 

“You're so sweet!” Reina said brightly, and then pouted, “But you don't have to be sweet to me just because I said I like you.” 

“It’s not like that—I–uh—I told you that the girl I like is out of my league,” Vi stammered, “And you're out of my league.” 

“I’m not out of your league! What does that have to do with you being sweet to me?” Reina asked and tilted her head like a puppy. An oblivious puppy. 

“You are. You're fun, spontaneous, and you respect people’s boundaries. You care about the strangers around you and you try to make everyone feel welcome. You're pretty and brave and too good for me,” Vi argued. 

“But I'm aggressive and overwhelmingly sexual! Especially towards you! Not to mention my line of work! I'm not out of your league at all! You're out of my league! You're out of my league and the girl you like’s!” Reina fought back and put her smoothie on her nightstand. She would physically fight this spider even if she was hurt! 

Vi paused and stared at her for a moment. Was Reina just dense or did she have head trauma? She was not an idiot. 

“You're her,” Vi muttered and shrank back. 

“You like me?” Reina beamed, “Kiss me, I must be dreaming!” 

“The phrase is ‘pinch me’ you know,” Vi said with a blush. 

Oh god, she is so cute! Narrator, Bestie, I need to smooch her entire face! Please! 

“I know! But you won't pinch me right now and I want kisses!” she pouted and fluttered her eyelashes. Vi couldn’t resist her pouty face and sat on the bed beside her. 

Oh shit! Oh shit! This is happening!

“Where?” Vi asked shyly, wishing she had more hair to hide behind. 

“Anywhere on my face!” Reina said, vibrating from the antici—

—pation! 

Vi took a calming breath and cupped her cheek, turning her head so their eyes met. She was shaking as she leaned in, letting her eyes flutter shut before her lips made contact with Reina’s. It was supposed to be a quick, chaste smooch.

Fuck that! 

But Reina grabbed the back of her head and pulled her closer, not letting Vi escape. It was just enough incentive for Vi to knock her on her back and run her tongue between Reina’s lips. Reina had to let her in!

Ooh! Scare Bear had some practice with that! 

When Vi could finally pull away, her eyes were sparkling and full of enamor. Reina was flushed, staring up at her as her bangs fell around her face. This was really happening. 

“You look like my next girlfriend,” Reina muttered, unable to look away from her spiderlily. Vi blushed even more but smirked.

“You look like my current girlfriend,” she jeered, “If you don’t mind a boring moral hero type being yours.” 

“You are anything but boring! Now get down here and snuggle with me until I’m healed!” Reina huffed, only a little flustered. Rabidosa was absolutely dastardly when she flirted with Piscina Muerta, and Vi’s coy smirk had her heart racing. 

It’s so unfair! She’s the only one who can make me a puddle! 

Vi sighed through her nose and shook her head fondly. Naturally she relaxed next to Reina and curled up beside her. Reina took the opportunity to snuggle closer and nuzzle into her chest.

Soft tiddy, warm tiddy, not wrapped in a web! Happy Duchess, sleepy Duchess, I love girl 

“Don’t expect me to change my super suit so you can get to my chest when I have to kick your ass,” Vi hummed and closed her eyes. After a long stressful day, she earned a good nap. 

“As long as I can get to the tiddy when I’m recovering from your ass-kicking, I won’t,” Reina mumbled and fought back a yawn. Healing was draining! 

“Dork,” Vi grumbled as sleep took over her. Reina giggled to herself and drifted off, happier than she thought possible. The confusing future could wait. 

[spookyprime]

1, 4, 9 and 10

1. Aquaman or Wonder Woman? (Follow-up question: Amazons or Atlanteans?)

Diana amd the Amazons easy answer

4. Which superhero family would make the best reality TV show? (Best is, of course, a subjective term.)

WFA is popular for a reason. If they were allowed to bitch at each other and fight like real reality TV shows do I think it'd be a winner for sure. The batfam feels like a copout answer though because they're dramatic enough on their own it's low hanging fruit.

What I'd really wanna see is just camera footage from the watch tower interspersed with interview cuts. They're not a family they're coworkers and sometimes they can't stand each other.

9. Superman in space or Superman in Metropolis? Does this change if I say Smallville instead?

Depends on the story but in general I'd prefer Metropolis. I love a smallville story. Regrettably the show smallville is one of my favorite TV shows. You don't choose the childhood brain rot the brain rot chooses you. I've been banned from bringing up smallville TV show plots in the gc.

10. Justice League or Justice Society?

Justice league.

[cyarskaren52]

These shows deserve a second chance.

Here are some tv shows who’s cancellations are so unfair

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TVLINE'S YEAR IN REVIEW!

The Most Unjust Cancellations of 2023

BY TEAM TVLINE

DECEMBER 9, 2023 10:00 AM

Courtesy of Netflix, ABC, Prime Video, Hulu

Just as death is an inevitable part of life, so too are cancellations an unavoidable part of being a TV fan — but that doesn’t mean we have to like it.

As with every year, dozens of shows aired their final episodes in 2023. But before we start singing “Auld Lang Syne,” we want to pour one (or perhaps 15) out for the undeserving shows whose shocking, shortsighted and deeply regrettable cancellations will stick with us well into 2024.

Our picks for 2023’s most unjust cancellations include the revival of a popular Nickelodeon sitcom, the reboot of a coming-of-age classic, plus three series based on iconic films about baseball, wizardry and musically inclined gangs.

Other lamentable losses include a seven-time Primetime Emmy Award-nominated comedy, a promising superhero drama and a handful of other series starring several household names. It’s certainly a diverse collection of shows, but they all have one thing in common — they all deserved to see at least one more season.

Read on for (in alphabetical order) the 15 shows whose cancellations we would reverse immediately, if only we could, then drop a comment with your own additions to the list. Which of this year’s cancelled shows will you still miss in 2024?

American Auto (NBC)

Photo : Courtesy of NBC

We’re still scratching our heads over why the automotive industry comedy, which was just as smart and funny as creator Justin Spitzer’s previous NBC sitcom Superstore, didn’t click with viewers. Be it bad marketing or a lack of audience interest, the show’s sharp satire — the abortion-themed “The Letter” was one of the best episodes of any show this year — and its stellar cast, led by Ana Gasteyer, deserved so much more.  

A League of Their Own(Prime Video)

Photo : Courtesy of Prime Video

We’re not sure it gets more unjust than this, seeing as Prime Video had initially renewed this series adaptation for a second and final season… but the renewal was later rescinded after Hollywood’s simultaneous strikes delayed production on Season 2. Reversed renewals are always heartbreakers, but the sting of this one still lingers: In addition to ending on a forever-unresolved cliffhanger, A League of Their Own shined a refreshing spotlight on communities and topics that are woefully underrepresented on television.

The Company You Keep(ABC)

Photo : Courtesy of ABC

The romantic con drama seemingly had it all: A fun, sexy premise, a pairing with solid chemistry in Milo Ventimiglia and Catherine Haena Kim, and an impressive supporting cast (Sarah Wayne Callies, William Fichtner, etc.) Too bad ABC effectively killed one of its most promising new shows in years with a bad timeslot and a lack of faith in its potential to grow an audience.  

East New York��(CBS)

Photo : Courtesy of CBS

This CBS drama, led by Amanda Warren and Jimmy Smits and boasting a wonderfully eclectic and diverse array of supporting cast/characters, endeavored to offer a contemporary spin on the usual cop show — in that it spoke to the need for reform, and better policing. Alas, when S.W.A.T.‘s cancellation was reversed by the network, it was East New York that seemingly paid the price.

Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies (Paramount+)

Photo : Courtesy of Paramount+

Not only was Paramount+’s Grease prequel fizzy good fun, it delivered some of the season’s best musical numbers — and earned two Emmy nods for its fleet-footed choreography (see video above). On top of all that, the Season 1 series finale left us with approximately a bazillion unresolved cliffhangers.

The Great (Hulu)

Photo : Courtesy of Hulu

We might’ve thought that — spoiler alert! — killing off a character as hilarious and dynamic as Nicholas Hoult’s Peter would signal the end for Hulu’s alt-history comedy. But the bold twist actually reinvigorated the series midway through Season 3, inspiring some of Elle Fanning’s finest work as Catherine and opening up all kinds of storytelling possibilities. So we were royally ticked off, then, to see Hulu drop the axe after three criminally underrated seasons.

Gotham Knights (The CW)

Photo : Courtesy of The CW

Doesn’t it always happen this way? Just when a new show that got off to a wobbly start starts firing on all cylinders, it turns out to be too late. At first handicapped as being yet another “Batman-less Batman series,” Gotham Knightsspun a haunting Court of Owls tale and gave Misha Collins a deviously delicious dual personality arc, all while serving #Tuernla and #StephHarper ‘shippers oh so well.

Home Economics (ABC)

Photo : Courtesy of ABC

The supremely underrated Topher Grace-led ABC comedy never got its due during its brief three-season lifespan, so its unceremonious — and painfully drawn-out — demise did not come as a complete surprise. But it stung, nonetheless.  

iCarly (Paramount+)

Photo : Courtesy of Paramount+

This cancellation felt like a slap in the face, and not in a fun way. We’ve been following Carly and Freddie’s friends-to-lovers journey in real time for 16 years, and the Paramount+ revival’s third season finale put them at the altar, where they nearly swapped vows. In a cruel (but also exciting!) twist of fate, Carly’s estranged mother interrupted the ceremony, much to her daughter’s surprise. We were dying to see what the future held for #Creddie, as well as which sitcom actress would be tapped to play the elusive Mama Shay. Sadly, we’ll be getting answers to exactly zero of those questions, thanks to the streamer’s highly debatable decision to pull the plug early.

The Other Two (Max)

Photo : Courtesy of Max

Max’s wickedly funny showbiz satire had such a sharp eye for the absurdities of celebrity culture that it seemed like it would never run out of material. But alas, co-showrunners Chris Kelly and Sarah Schneider abruptly pulled the plug on all the fun after three seasons, calling it a creative decision. Was the show actually scrapped due to the reported HR complaintsabout Kelly and Schneider? We’ll never know for sure… but we’ll never stop missing Cary and Brooke, either.   

Reboot (Hulu)

Photo : Courtesy of Hulu

Hulu’s razor-sharp sitcom about a sitcom was a TV lover’s delight, packed with meta gags about vain actors and clueless network executives. It also boasted a stacked cast including Keegan-Michael Key, Judy Greer, Rachel Bloom and Paul Reiser, with scripts from Modern Family‘s Steven Levitan. But some of those clueless network executives work at Hulu, apparently, since they cancelled one of the year’s most promising new comedies after just one season. 

Shadow and Bone(Netflix)

Photo : Courtesy of Netflix

Another season of this fantasy series should have been a slam dunk given its popularity and passionate fanbase. After an eventful Season 2 finale, which teased a King of Scars storyline as well as the proposed Six of Crows spinoff, fans were left as stunned as the Darkling getting ran through the gut with this unexpected and unjust cancellation.

Willow (Disney+)

Photo : Courtesy of Disney+

There was plenty of magic left in Disney+’s under-appreciated series adaptation of this 1988 cult classic fantasy movie, and we would have loved for the streamer to conjure up a second season. The show was mostly well-received by fans, and creator Jon Kasan considers the show to be more “on hiatus” than officially “canceled.” Kasan is hopeful that he can reassemble the Willow team for “Chapter II” sometime down the line, reminding his social media followers that the original movie “didn’t get its well-deserved sequel for 35 years.” So, you know, it’s something to look forward to with your future grandchildren.

Winning Time (HBO)

https://tvline.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/cancelled-shows-winning-time.jpg?w=1240

Photo : Courtesy of HBO

The demise of this ’80s basketball drama belongs in the Hall of Fame of boneheaded TV decisions. HBO’s vibrant retelling of the L.A. Lakers’ rise to NBA dominance wrapped up Season 2 with the Lakers suffering a crushing loss to their hated rivals the Boston Celtics… and thanks to HBO’s cancellation, the story ends right there, with only a tacked-on epilogue to tell us that the Lakers went on to beat the Celtics and win three more championships that decade. Why tell the tale of the Lakers’ glory days if you’re going to end the show before the glory days even start?

The Wonder Years (ABC)

Photo : Courtesy of ABC

We thoroughly enjoyed the first two seasons of this ABC reboot, which is why its premature cancellation makes us feel deflated, like an impotent balloon. With effortlessly funny writing and a charming, multi-talented ensemble, this solid comfort-watch deserved to live on for much longer, like its predecessor.

READ MORE ABOUT:

TV SHOW CANCELLATIONS

YEAR-IN-REVIEW

Sent from my iPhone

[kingofdoma]

this is also proof that literally anyone can write anything well about the silliest things and it can be gutwrenching i mean... this was the red bee a notable entrant into the league of regrettable superheroes and here we have a man choking back sobs as he talks to the friends of the man he lost as a result of WRITING ABOUT THE FRIGGIN' RED BEE you can write about anything and have it hit hard

;-;

I can't believe this ridiculous comic made me break down sobbing at an ending which involves someone talking to bees

Give the people who you love all the love you can while you can <3

[lonesomedotmp3]

also in love with how the ragtag group of heroes aren't like. cool renegades or bandits or vigilantes that stay out of the spotlight or whatever they are literally just the most cringefail sad little loser group who nobody gives a shit about. fucking atom-man is here. these people canonically do nothing important in their entire lives. they belong in the league of regrettable superheroes but instead they're out here getting in fights and causing time paradoxes I love u tv !!

[orion-postsx]

More people need to make superhero teams with the public domain superheros

[master-of-suprise]

So I’ve just been watching Pandaredd’s Tik Toks on the League of Regrettable Superheroes. I just realized something. Supermind and son has a similar dynamic as Kaine did with the Jackal in the clone saga. Hell Professor Supermind’s last name is Warren The Jackal’s real name is Miles Warren. Coincidence? Yeah most likely is but it’s a really damn weird one.

[beholdmystuffz]

The League of Regrettable Superheroes - The Loot Crate Edition by Jon Morris.

I found this treasure of a book at my local 2nd and Charles a year or so ago by complete accident. (Was literally just walking by a shelf and saw it on the end of some graphic novels) and I'm so glad I did.

A historic and funny read; this book is about 50 superheroes that were made back in the day who have strange powers and origins to the point of hilarity 🤣🤣. My favorites are Dr. Vampire and Fat Man who turns into a flying saucer🛸.

Apparently there are other books for sidekicks, super villains and half baked heroes?🤔 anyway I gotta get em all now!!!🤘🏼💯

[britishassistant]

When Villain!Yuu manages to return to their dimension and finds out their minions did, it’s one of the few times that the Supervisor has lived up to their title as heir. The next day the head of the minions of the attempted murder squad was found battered, covered in bird poo, and tied in front of RSA. If Crowley asks, Yuu makes the excuse that they are simply following one of the rules of villainy. If a minion steps out of line, don’t correct, make an example out of them.

Thank you for the ask, dear anon!

Warning for dark under the cut.

There are three items on the desk.

One is a cellphone. It’s a compact, black brick of a thing, the sort that could survive a drop from a window a story up. Its screen is currently dark and silent. It has not buzzed or vibrated, or given any indication that it’s even on.

The second is a glass of clear liquid. The glass looks pretty standard, no fancy plane designs or rectangular shapes. Just a squat round cup with a round lip and clear liquid an inch or so from the top. There are small bubbles forming in the bottom, the longer it remains undisturbed. It doesn’t seem like those are the results of carbonation, or some other nefarious properties.

No. If anything, the cup is there for the third object on the table.

A pair of two pills are sitting innocently by the cup’s side. One is larger, pale pink, and lozenge shaped. The other is smaller, a capsule that’s colored dark green and blue.

The minion swallows. The phlegm feels like it’s lodged in his throat.

There’s a sigh from the other side of the table.

The Supervisor leans forward. The supervillain’s features are slightly drawn, like they’re preparing to undertake an unpleasant chore.

The minion has the insane urge to giggle at the sight.

“So…” The Supervisor splays their hands. “Unfortunately, following reviews of your recent performance, we have found that you are…not a good fit for this business. It’s been determined that it’s in everyone’s best interests for you to be terminated from your current position effective immediately.”

The minion—or rather, ex-minion—gives a shaky nod.

The Supervisor tilts the brim of their top hat up, so they can better make eye contact with him. “You have two choices for your…ah, severance package.”

One hand gestures to the glass and pills. “Option one: you take these. The pink one is a sedative, and it’s up to you whether you take it before or after the other. It’s pretty fast acting, so it shouldn’t matter so much either way. All you’ll know is just falling asleep.”

The other gestures to the phone. “Option two: I make a call to Dr. Crewel. You’ll be transferred to his department. But in the, ah…volunteer capacity. Instead of the minion one. Do you have any questions?”

There’s a moment of stunned silence.

“W-what?” The ex-minion stutters. “B-but…I, I don’t understand?”

“What don’t you understand?” The Supervisor asks, patience in every line of their posture. Like they were an adult helping to explain something complicated to a small child.

This, in spite of the fact that the ex-minon was a decade the supervillain’s senior.

That helps the ex-minion order his thoughts somewhat. “I-I thought the rules for g-getting fired were that the min-minion in question would be turned over to the police for arrest. Or to the local sup-superheroes.”

The Supervisor nods. “That is what happens in most cases, yes. However, in those cases, the termination is contingent more on minion incompetence or betrayal. You and your…friends, regrettably, fall outside that purview.”

The ex-minion’s mouth moves soundlessly. ���But…I don’t understand. Isn’t this for betrayal? That I betrayed you?”

The Supervisor’s mouth tightens, even as the rest of their face remains impassive. “That…is another crime you committed, and one that was taken into account when making this decision. But it is far from the main motivating factor behind all this.”

The ex-minion wracks his brain. “But, what…?”

“You attempted to murder a child.” The supervillain exhales, some dark, wounded emotion entering their eyes for the first time. “Another version of myself, true, but an injured, defenseless child. One who had never done anything to you, or anyone else in this world. Who had no involvement in whatever quarrel you have with me. Who nearly bled to death on my roof due to the injuries sustained as a direct result of your attempted murder.”

The Supervisor shakes their head. “And that would be bad enough, especially as I was under the impression that they would at least be cared for in my absence. Except this? This was not an isolated incident, was it? Looking over the behavior of the perpetrators, it’s become clear this is only the culmination of a dangerous trend I should’ve seen and put a stop to ages ago.”

The ex-minion doesn’t think he can breathe.

“The first endangerment of Miss Elena Blackwood back at the bank. The repeated suggestions of attacking elementary, middle or high schools or public playgrounds to divert heroic attention during heists or schemes. The inclination to ignore my orders when I specified that children were to be released immediately if caught up in a hostage situation we organized. The attempted hostage taking of Mr. Cheka Kingscholar while he was my guest.”

The ex-minion tries swallowing again. When he speaks, his voice is hoarse. “I thought you didn’t know about that.”

He winces at the mindless admission.

The Supervisor’s eyes narrow at him, and fury rolls off them in almost visible waves. There is no doubting the Night Raven’s genetics were used to make them like this.

“I have my ways.”

The ex-minion quails under their glare.

The Supervisor sighs, scrubbing a hand over their eyes. “Do you understand now? You are not being fired for betrayal. You and your cohorts are being terminated for repeated and willful perpetuation of un-villainous crimes of one of the highest orders, in accordance with League Statute A55. So, what’ll it be?”

“Sh-shouldn’t there be a hear-hearing, or, or an appeal, or something?!” The ex-minion begs desperately.

“If you wanted forgiveness, you should have applied to the Royal Sword Association.” The Supervisor rattles off blandly. “We here at Night Raven Corporation specialize in putting the super back into supervillainy.”

The ex-minion slumps. “…I always hated that slogan.”

The Supervisor pulls a commiserating face. “Not some of Dad’s best work, I’ll admit.”

He stares at the pills and at the phone.

“…Which did Miette pick?”

The supervillain pointedly glances towards the glass and its companions.

He snorts. “Naturally. She’d rather be dead rather than be something monstrous like you.”

The Supervisor inclines their head but doesn’t deny his words.

He considers it some more. “…Would I still receive a paycheck? As a volunteer?”

The Supervisor shrugs. “One that’s considerably reduced from what you currently earn, but yes. You would be compensated for your services. And your current life insurance will still be maintained and paid out to those you specify in the event of an accident under Dr. Crewel’s care. Or, indeed, if you take the other option.”

Like he has anyone he wants that money to go to.

His eyes dart between them.

The choice is easy in the end. Miette can call him a coward all she wants beyond the grave, but he’s not letting this thing be the last sight he sees.

“Make the call.”

The supervillain nods, and picks up the phone.

It’s screen lights up as they lift it towards their ear, pressing a button. “Dr. Crewel? Mr. Aston Michaels has expressed his consent to be transferred to the volunteer department. When can we expect pickup? Five minutes? Yes. Yes, this is the last one. Well, thank you for your help. Have a nice day.”

They hang up, and set the phone back down on the table.

Something flickers across their face— distaste? Weariness? Regret? Whatever it is, he hopes it haunts this thing’s nightmares for the rest of its miserable existence. It’s the least it deserves.

The two of them sit there in silence. Then there’s a knocking behind him, and light spills over him as the door is opened.

A pair of minions in impeccable suits step through, nodding to the supervillain, who nods back. Each one of them takes one of his arms and gently pulls him up from his seat.

“I’d say you’re going to be dammed to Hell for this.” He says, almost cheerfully, before they can turn him away. “But I’m pretty sure you need a soul to go down there, and things like you don’t have those.”

There’s a subtle intake of breath from the suited minions on either side of him. He ignores them, his glare fixated on his now ex-boss.

The Supervisor smiles grimly back at him. For some reason, that kind of pisses him off.

“Oh, believe me, Mr. Michaels. I know.”

[ursie]

Hi. Get to know op :) what is your favorite color? Favorite food? Last book you read? Last movie you watched? Favorite game to play? Do you have any sports teams? Send this to five people to get to know them better :)

Fun :)

Hmm pink or black tbh

Hash

I’m working on Love, Again by Doris Lessing rn 💕 the last book I finished was The League of Regrettable Superheroes by Jon Morris

I Rewatched John Wick just the other day :3

Hm it’s definitely #problematic but I play Borderlands w my bro’s a lot tbh!! That or sims

Me about to say know : sees what I’m wearing today…yeah

Go Bears!!

[demi-shoggoth]

COVID-19 Reading Log, pt. 15

This batch is mostly comfort reads for me; monster manuals and books I’ve read before. Unfortunately, one in particular was decidedly uncomfortable.

76. The League of Regrettable Superheroes by Jon Morris. This book is a survey of weird superheroes, mostly from the Golden Age. The book is full color, with a short article explaining/cracking jokes about the hero on one facing page, while the other facing page is a comic page or cover. The book lumps everything from 1970 on as “the Modern Age”, but I get that splitting that up gets into both fragmentary returns (there are only two or three 90s heroes, for example). Also covered are some intentional joke character—Squirrel Girl, for example. There are some characters in here I genuinely want to read the comics of, like Mother Hubbard, who’s a rhyming, potion brewing witch who fights fairy tale gnomes and giants.

77. Lusus Naturae by Rafael Chandler. The book is written for Lamentations of the Flame Princess, a game with all the tastelessness of FATAL but a higher art budget. It’s supposedly a monster manual for horror-inflected games, but the tone varies wildly from over the top gore to robots to standard post D&D fantasy to a genuine comic book supervillain. The gore is really truly over-the-top; the first monster is kind and pleasant, except when it liquefies human children to mix with resin and sculpt into plinths. This kind of crude shock value is nearly omnipresent in the book, as well as a ton of forced impregnation, sex-obsession and general toxic misogyny. A lot of the monsters don’t seem fun even in a horror context—they rely on damned if you do, damned if you don’t gotchas, where killing them only makes things worse. In addition to the deeply unpleasant material, the mechanics also show huge gaps between concept and execution. For example, the ideologue is a monster said to be an entire pocket universe, and it attacks by destroying whole solar systems within itself. It has 5 HD and that attack deals 1d12 damage. The worst book I’ve actually finished for this project. I feel like downloading it has put me on some sort of watch list.

78. The Legion of Regrettable Supervillains by Jon Morris.  Supervillains are more my speed than superheroes, anyway. This book is very much of a piece with its predecessor. Some characters in this book are villains that battle heroes from the other one. For example, 711 is a superhero whose alter ego is locked in prison, so he sneaks out to fight crime; his enemy Brickbat (he dresses like a bat and throws bricks at people, of course) appears in this one. There are several fairly prominent Marvel characters who show up in this book—Stilt-Man, MODOK and Batroc the Leaper all make appearances. Again, because I like supervillains, I feel like there’s a few strong candidates who got left out of this one. No Armless Tiger Man? No mention of the Outsider that fought Silver Age Batman? (The Outsider, btw, was a silver-skinned monster who could communicate telepathically and control objects from miles away. Also, he was undead Alfred the butler. Too bad Michael Caine never got to play him).

79. Endless Realms Creature Compendium, project lead Kirsty Garbe. Read in an attempt to wash the foul taste of Lusus Naturae out of my mouth, this book mostly succeeded. Endless Realms is a RPG that falls into the category of “fantasy heartbreaker”; it clearly wants to be the next D&D, plus more. The “more” in this case is more mechanics like Fire Emblem and more furry player races. Lots of elemental rock-paper-scissors mechanics, and these mechanics provide the fuel for many of the monsters. There’s elementals for each element, corrupt spirits for each element, and dragons that represent both pure elements and mixes thereof. The book wears its influences on its sleeve—it pinches myconids from D&D, boggards from Pathfinder, and some of its gem dragons have the personalities of their respective Steven Universe characters. The book’s creativity is strongest in the creatures of the Dream realm, many of which are truly weird and alien. All of the art is done by the same artist, Jennifer Elliott, which lends a unified vision to the project. Plus, she’s put all of her art online for free if you want to check it out. That’s how I heard of this book in the first place.

80. Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake. This book, about the relationships between fungi and other life, has been getting a lot of press lately. The book is mostly themed on the topic of symbiosis, of which fungi are well attuned, through sub-topics such as lichens, mycorrhizal associations with roots and human uses of fungi. The author has a sense of awe and wonder about biology, which I appreciate. There are both color plates and black and white illustrations (drawn with ink-cap mushroom ink!), all of which are lovely. My one complaint with the book is the absolute gung-ho nature of the author about hallucinogenic mushrooms and consciousness expansion—the potential hazardous effects of LSD and psilocybin aren’t even mentioned once, and even ergotism is basically glossed over.

[anika-ann]

Nothing but the Truth - Pt.2

The Arrangement

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader        Word count: 2690

Summary: A fake dating AU. Tony is being Tony, you are still confused until you aren’t and Sam… well, Sam finds out that his friends are idiots – bigger idiots than he thought, that is.

Warnings: swearing, threats of violence, fluff...?

Story Masterlist

‘Because we need your help.’

You repeated the words in your head; once, twice… your gaze flickered between the photos and the pair of Avengers, landing on Steve then. You repeated the whole process.

Stark’s expression screamed impatience, Romanoff’s challenge and Steve’s was completely unreadable except for his eyes which gave away how the wheels in his head were turning as much as the ones in yours.

You looked at the hologram again.

“…I don’t follow,” you said finally, earning an annoyed eyeroll from the billionaire.

“Cute,” he commented and you wondered whether he meant ‘stupid’, ‘innocent’ or… well, ‘cute’.

“Let me explain,” Natasha interrupted your musing. “There’s a streak of missing couples for the past month – ten people so far. It’s too much. And the last couple was too high-profile for Ross not to shove it our way.”

Your heart clenched, face twisting in sorrow. Ten people missing. They were pairs indeed as you had thought. Most of them were rather young, but there was also a couple of seniors, sticking out. What could have happened? Were Tony and Natasha trying to tell you that someone… hurt them?

That was surely regrettable, but what did it have to do with you and the tabloids blowing up one lunch date to proportion?

“So,” you hesitated, once more searching support with Steve; his expression was slightly irritated now and you felt your gut twist as if in dark promotion. “You want me… – or us – to do… what exactly?”

“Well you and Captain Virtue over here could actually keep pretending to be a couple-“ You could do WHAT. “-and if we luck out, you’ll lead us right to-“

The sudden bang that rattled the table you were sitting at startled you enough to make you jump.

“Absolutely not!” Steve’s voice protested loudly and you instantly knew that the conclusion you came to was right.

They wanted… they wanted you-

“You want us to be the bait,” you voiced your thoughts, sounding as much in disbelief as you were.

There might have been a hint of hurt at the instant dismissal of the idea from Steve’s side. It shouldn’t have hurt you that he hated the idea of dating you – fake or not –, you were painfully aware of how much out of your league he was after all, but it did.

Of course, you were setting aside the fact that they were suggesting for you to play bait for a potential serial kidnapper – or worse, a serial killer. But hey, you would have been in Captain America’s company, what safer place on Earth there was?

“Kinda yeah,” Tony confirmed, one corner of his lips quirking as he noticed that you were… ugh, considering it.

Except there were two major hiccups; one, Steve was apparently very much against it, which, again, ouch, and second… well.

“I’m sorry, but who would be dumb enough to try to kidnap Captain America?” you questioned silently, earning two raised eyebrows and one frown from the man in question. He seemed… angry with you? You sunk further into your seat.

“That’s your issue with this? Not the fake dating? Watch out, Cap, you might have an admirer…”

Your face felt hot for the hundredth time in the past 24 hours.

“Shut up, Tony,” Steve hissed, shifting his gaze to him again. “Just let her be. This is out of question. I can’t believe you’re even considering it-”

You felt a pang in your gut, unsure whether he was referring to you or his superhero friends. He sounded… harsh. Steve was never harsh with you. It sucked.

Natasha sighed tiredly. “The thing is, Steve, that the cat is already out of the bag. We might as well use it.”

“No! No way! It’s too dangerous! And she has a point!” he gestured to you, his voice rising in volume again. “We should use some low-key agents – well-trained but not recognizable-“

“That’s the thing,” Tony interrupted his outrage, pointing a finger-gun at him. “We need the attention of this guy, whoever he might be. Or they. You absolutely will get the attention. Some random couple? Eeee, not so much. We need to make sure he picks the ones we send-”

Steve’s hand balled in a fist and he raised it, lowering his head to it, his knuckles brushing his mouth as if he needed to stop himself from spilling whatever streak of curses which gathered on the tip of his tongue. He took a deep breath, while your mind still raced.

If he would have agreed… would you be willing to do it?

An excited hormones-fuelled voice that imagined what could it be like, basking in his intimate proximity, touching casually for show, hell, maybe even kissing, yelled an enthusiastic yes.

Another, a voice of reason, the one that guarded your heart, pointed out that it would be all pretend, you would only fell for him harder and got your heart broken in the process as you would have only had a week or something of a somewhat relationship with Steve and then had it taken away.

Then the third voice screamed at you to get your shit together, because this meant offering yourself to be a bait for a serial whatever, a very much bad guy, and you should get your sense of self-preservation checked.

But the missing couples-! Protested yet another voice and you shook your head lightly in attempt to shush them all and focus on the discussion that was still unfolding in front of you. The choice wasn’t yours anyway – at least not only yours.

“Yes, I get that, Tony. So… so it will just take some more time to lure him in, but at least we won’t endanger a civilian.”

The way Steve said the last word gave you a pause, angry and yet warmly; and his distaste made so much more sense now, his protective side kicking into overdrive and the realization eased your mind a bit. He might not want to date you (fake-date you, whatever), but it wasn’t the only reason.

He wanted to keep you safe.

Which was… very sweet and thoughtful of him and there might have been a part of you that lighted up at his care; purely friendly or not, you apparently mattered.

See, you should go through with this. It could be so, soooo nice…

Shut your cakehole!

“Ten people are already missing, Rogers,” Tony reminded him and your gaze involuntarily shifted towards the photos again, guilt stabbing your stomach. “Potentially dead.”

“And she’s NOT going to be the eleventh!” Steve exploded, hitting the table again with his fist, glaring at his friend, fuming with irritation.

You gulped, startled by the display of strength, yet you didn’t tear your eyes away from the hologram to check Steve’s expression.

Ten people. Potentially dead. Christ.

Innocent people. Civilians, just like you.

Their faces were staring at you accusingly. What choice was to make here?

Fuck self-preservation; you would have Steve by your side. The danger of getting hurt was minimal. Admittedly, your heart was in a considerably higher risk, but that was for you to deal with later.

You cleared your throat, fighting against the lump that had grown in it. Your voice was quiet in comparison to Steve’s angry exclaims, but it brought everyone’s attention to you nonetheless.

“No, I won’t…”

Steve shot you a grateful look, apparently convinced you finally gathered some sense and were taking his side. Natasha’s slow smile seemed to confuse him; and you knew that she, unlike Steve, caught on.

“…because you’ll protect me,” you explained slowly, skilfully avoiding Steve’s gaze, grateful when Tony clapped his hands twice, content, and gave you an excuse to look at him instead.

“Great! It’s a date!”

“Doll…” a low warning came from your left and you swallowed again, mouth dry as he spoke the rarely used pet name.

Shifting your gaze so it focused on the table between you, you bargained, ignoring the flutter in your stomach. “Unless you’re disgusted with a little pretending. We don’t exactly have to make out-“

A hand, a very nice large hand with tenderlong fingers appeared in your field of vision, making you look up, your teeth worrying over your lower lip. Hesitantly, you extended your own hand, placing it in his. He squeezed gently; you barely noticed, too lost in his eyes, his emotions served on a cerulean platter. Disapproval. Concern. Hesitance.

He was considering it.

“That’s not it, doll. This… this could get ugly pretty quickly and— you didn’t sign up for this. I- I’d hate for you to get hurt,” he whispered sincerely, a vulnerability you weren’t used to seeing softening his expression.

Your heart might have almost given out at his admission.

“I trust you, Steve,” you declared with the same honesty, making sure to keep your gazes locked. “I trust you with my life.”

You could almost hear the wheels turning in his head again, considering every angle, battling the responsibility he felt towards the missing couples and his unwillingness to go through with this.

You heard your pulse pounding in your ears, speeding up with each second of staring into his eyes, assessing your expression, searching. God, how a person could have eyes so deep? Were you even breathing or did you forget how to do that with him looking at you as if the rest of the world didn’t exist, his warm palm engulfing yours?

The sound of slow claps snapped you from your reverie and you backed into your seat as if you got burned (again), following the sound with your eyes; Tony was clapping his hands, earning a death glare from Natasha and Steve, while you only stared at him, confused.

“What? I thought they were practicing!” he said to his defence, shrugging.

“Tupitsa,” Natasha muttered under her breath and you had a distant feeling that it was an insult in her mother tongue. Not that you cared, you were still too taken aback by the fact this was actually happening. And you were most definitely not recovered from your surreal moment with Steve. “Anyway. There’s one more little thing.”

“…what?” Steve sighed, seemingly bone-tired.

“All of the couples? They were freshly engaged,” Natasha explained with an innocent grin.

Well. Fuck.

“So, hon,” Tony hummed, pulling out a jewellery box from his pocket, apparently having been counting on you agreeing to their plan.

He made a show of opening the box ceremonially and revealing a ring which very obviously came from a vending machine. He placed it on the table between you and Steve, much closer to you.

“Will you make me the happiest man on Earth and become Steve’s wife?”

Sam Wilson was a man on a mission.

And the mission was to punch Captain America so hard that the man would see all the stars he was supposedly spangled with.

The nerve on him! How dared he to-

Oh, Sam was so pissed off.

No, he was beyond pissed off. He saw red. He was out for blood. He was fucking furious.

He didn’t bother knocking and threw the door open with such force that it hit the wall; he was sure that the only reason it was able to do that was not the lack of technical advance, but Tony’s need for dramatics for when he needed to do exactly what Sam did.

For once, Sam was truly, truly grateful.

“What the fuck were you thinking?!”

He found his so-called friend who was about to get punched sitting at his desk, pinching the bridge of his nose as if he was ready to take a nap for another seventy years.

“Sam-“ he muttered and the image of him, his tone… it gave Sam a pause. Enough for him to have the decency to shut the door and take a breath before turning back to the supersoldier, who was now watching him with a set of puppy eyes.

Sam huffed in exasperation. Avenging did not pay good enough for him to deal with this shit. Especially not with this kind of bullshit. He strode to the desk, but kept his fists at his side.

For now.

“You do not get to ‘Sam’ me! Not when you agreed to put my friend’s life on the line! A very civilian, very much defenceless friend!!” he spitted out, unable to keep his voice even.

And why should he? That was his friend he was talking about! And Captain Flawless Moral Compass just put her in danger! And for what?! Because he wasn’t couldn’t keep it in his pa-

“I tried to talk them out of it,” Steve defended himself evenly. “Trust me, Sam, I don’t like it either-“

That fucking nerve on him!

“Oh, don’t you?” Sam asked sarcastically, tone biting. “You really wanna pretend that faking a relationship with her, having an excuse to be aaaaawfully close, casual touching, kissing, god knows what, isn’t ridiculously convenient for you?!”

Steve straightened in his chair at that implication.

“Hey! I would never do anything against her will!”

“You BETTER!” Sam exploded, accenting his words with his fist hitting the desk hard enough to hurt himself. Panting, he drilled a hole in Steve’s head with the intensity of his glare, staring into the guilt-laced eyes, until Steve apparently couldn’t bear it, lowering his gaze. Sam sighed, dropping his head and leaned onto his palms on the table. “You better, Rogers.”

Silence wrapped around the men, neither of the saying a word, both of them too caught in their own heads.

“And I will do everything to protect her,” Steve whispered, causing Sam to grind his teeth, a coil twisting his stomach.

Of fucking course. Scout boy Steve, a protective Prince Charming. Naturally, he would promise Sam that. The responsibility Sam was convinced Steve would feel for her was the only thing that saved the supersoldier from a punch in his face.

“Good. Because if you don’t, I’ll raise a fucking hell. That’s basically my little sister we’re talking about.”

Which wasn’t quite the truth. They didn’t even know each other that long but they might as well do.

He had taken over the role of the big brother soon after they had become friends and she had come to work with red-rimmed eyes, admitting why, after a bit of subtle pressure from his side. She had been smart enough to cut off a relationship with a control-freak asshole early, but Sam was sure that moment that her gentle soul needed to be protected. And he had happily stepped in, vetting every guy who even remotely showed interest in her ever since.

It was probably pointless to say that so far, he approved of no one. Even though… well.

“I’d never forgive myself if she got hurt on my watch,” Steve pointed out, voice still rather quiet in contrast to Sam’s. “I care about her, Sam. You know that. I know you do.”

“Yeah, that’s part of the problem,” Sam scoffed, crossing his arms on his chest in defiance. “Please, all least drop the crappy act of Stark and Romanoff having to twist your arm to do this.”

The blond leaned into the backrest heavily, eyeing his friend with resemblance of guilt. At least he had enough decency to do so.

“Sam, I-“

“You keep her safe,” Sam ordered, raising his index finger to emphasize his point. “And you do not break her heart, you hear me? Because otherwise? You’re a dead man, serum-boosted or not.”

Steve gulped, his Adam’s apple jumping. Sam felt a wave of satisfaction at completed mission wash over him. He wasn’t naïve; he wasn’t fooling himself thinking Steve was afraid of getting punched. No, he was afraid that he just might hurt her himself; and knowing that, Sam trusted him a bit more.

After all, until today’s horrible decision, Steve Rogers had been so far the only candidate Sam respected enough to consider giving a green light for pursuing his little sister.

“Noted.”

Sam left the room with a sharp nod of approval, peripherally noticing Steve running a hand down his face.

This time, Sam was careful with the door.

Part 3

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