#The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

[chernobog13]

WHEN FAIL THE WEAPONS OF MAN...

From the Book of Armaments, Chapter 2, verses 9–21:

"And Saint Attilla raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade, that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy.' And the LORD did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu... "

Skip a bit, brother.

"... And the LORD spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

King Arthur: One, two, five!

Sir Galahad: Three, sir!

King Arthur: Three!

And thus endeth the rampage of the dread Rabbit of Caerbannog, the killer Easter Bunny.

[visionautiks]

The Black Beast of Aaaaargghh

MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL 1975 | dirs. Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones

[friendlycursedspaceotter]

may i take the time to post this glorious screenshot from my coding project?

alt text for you people who can't see the image/it's not too clear:

"Thou shalt not forget thy semicolons or thy brackets or thy parenthesis or thy breakfast cereals..."

"Skip ahead a bit, brother."

"This is the movement code of Antioch. Three times must you check it, no more, no less. Two times you must not check unless thou proceeds to three. Four you must not check, for three is the number of the counting. Five is right out. Three is the only number to which you shall count, and after three, you must count no more."

"one, two, FIVE!"

"Three, sir!"

"Three!"

*pixelated rabbit of AAAAAAAAAURGH explodes*

"We did that all for a RABBIT?!?"

"It was a very vicious rabbit."

[fireandfigures]

Weapon Merchant: The Holy Hand Grenade

"Well, at this point, it's a one-of-a-kind relic.

"After all, I can sell you a Zorg invention that does the job just as well, and not so fragile to be transported in a cushioned, velvet-lined box; at pennies on the dollar.

"Instead, you're buying the prestige of a unique work of art."

[novankenn]

Arc Method for Saving Atlas & Mantel

Jaune stood at the edge of atlas, making a plan. Salem was here, and the safety of the world was in balance. Next to him his sister Saphron Cotta-Arc and her wife Terra Cotta-Arc stood. Saphron holding an ornate case, while Terra clutched an aged leather tome to her chest.

Saphron: Are you sure?

Jaune: I am.

Terra: We're with you Jaune.

Jaune: Then let us begin. Saphron bring it here, and Terra if you please...

Saphron stepped before Jaune...

Terra: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying,  'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.'  And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chulapas...

Saphron: Terra honey... maybe skip ahead a bit?

Terra: Are you sure? We are using the the Holiest of the Arc Armory to save all of Remnant... maybe we should...

Saphron: I think it will be okay.

Terra: Jaune?

Jaune: It's okay.

Terra: Okay, but if this doesn't work, don't say I didn't warn you.

Jaune: It will work because we have the strength of faith.

Saphron: That we do.

Terra: And the Lord spake, saying,  'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

Saphron: May your arm be strong and your aim true brother!

Jaune: Okay...

Jaune pulls the pin and rears back his arm for the most important throw of his life...

Jaune: 1!

Jaune: 2!

Jaune: 5!

Saphron& Terra: 3!

Jaune's arm shot forward sending the Blessed Weapon of mass destruction directly at the Grimm beast hanging in the air above Atlas...

Meanwhile standing in the court yard of Atlas Academy...

Oscar/Ozpin: That happened.

Ironwood: Did they?

Ruby: Just blow up a Grimm Whale?

Clover: With a hand grenade?

Nora: HELL YEAH!!! Fearless Leader!!!! I want you babies!!!

[reyturnofbensolo]

Saw this☝️and decided to make something😏…

[floridaboiler]

[spockeye-fierce]

[premaritalhug]

I did it. He looks like he plays Magic: The Gathering.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Hey Monty Python fans...T-shirt with instructions for the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

+

From The Book of Armaments 2:9-21

Brother: "And the Lord spake, saying, First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuf it."

Maynard: Amen.

All: Amen.

[thealanwrightblog]

If, like me, you’re a Monty Python ‘Holy Grail’ fan you might appreciate this…

''First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.

Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.”

[octafladnag]

Exactly the kind of thing I would have in my D&D world.

[artschoolglasses]

Our Flag Means Death fandom getting #YouAbsoluteTwat to trend on Twitter today? I see you. 😂

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

etsy's new IP thingy killed the holy hand grende

aw beans so I guess etsy is finally cracking down on fandom merch

the holy hand grenade of antioch print got ganked by etsy's new copyright IP policy, so I guess those are going off of the shop sadly

there are 10 remaining copies though, so if you wanna claim one of 'em just dm me and we can figure out how to ring your print out under another print's listing

but when all 10 are gone they're gonna be permanently gone from the shop

[felixcloud6288]

Dungeon Meshi Chapter 65

Expect dumb references.

Marcille did this during the dragon fight as well. It's probably a magic binocular spell or something.

Those blades are retractable. And they have to cut through the rabbits' skin when they want you use them.

Laios and Senshi would probably still be alive if they used Yaad and Delgal as neck gear. This would likely be Senshi's first death as well.

I've mentioned several cases where monsters were able to adapt to the situation and change their tactics with new information. The gargoyles decided to focus on Marcille when she killed one of them, and the succubi used divide and conquer tactics when facing multiple opponents.

The dungeon rabbits show the same ability to plan and coordinate based on new information. Specifically they saw izutsumi kill one of them with a ranged attack, and they responded by attacking her from multiple angles so she can't get both of them.

What's up with this rabbit's eye?

Of all the things to cause a near party wipe, it's a bunch of rabbits.

The last line of defense against any adventurers attempting to free the Winged Lion was a monster that can endlessly resurrect itself and an army of the most efficient killing machines in the dungeon.

I bet the intended structure of this encounter was the phoenix and rabbits would work in tandem. The phoenix spots intruders and lets out an alert informing the rabbits to prepare for battle. Then the phoenix faces the intruders and uses its resurrective powers to stall the intruders indefinitely while the rabbits prepare. Then the rabbits surround and kill the intruders while the intruders are focused on the phoenix.

That armor merchant wasn't lying. That armor can indeed protect against dungeon rabbits.

ARMAMENTS CHAPTER 2 VERSES 9 - 21!!!

The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch still works!!!

Okay. I think I know what the purpose of a staff is now. The caster has a natural limit to how much mana they can store in their bodies. The staff's purpose is to store additional reserves of mana which can be used to bolster the power of their spells.

Ambrosia has been growing miscellaneous twigs since the party reached the end of the sixth floor and that was likely a sign to it feeding on the increased mana.

The first time I ever saw this image was from a Tumblr post about the owner of the cat that the image is based on. It's supposed to be a silly image, but that post makes it heartwarming instead.

It's not explicitly stated that this is ancient magic, but I think it's safe to assume necromancy is ancient magic. Marcille's hair is disheveled and she's also holding her staff with that little quirk where she sticks out her pinky so blood can more easily flow down the staff.

I was in hysterics during this entire sequence. This turned from a horror into Thriller.

In fact, I watched Thriller just to compare a few poses and some of them seem to take inspiration from it.

I couldn't find any particular frame that matched nicely to this one which is a shame though cause this feels like a pose Michael Jackson would have made.

I have to give Marcille due credit. She was amazingly competent during this whole encounter. She showed an awareness and physical ability that she normally doesn't have. She was still goofy the whole time though.

Poor Izutsumi. Please keep your Izutsumis indoors to protect them from the local wildlife.

Typical Baba is You experience when you control more than one thing in the level.

LAIOS AND SENSHI AND CHILCHUCK AND RABBIT AND MARCILLE IS YOU

The parts we didn't see was Marcille having to shuffle from side-to-side to get everyone to go through the door and them walking into the walls while she tried to get them in a straight line. They probably walked back and forth through the door several times until Marcille finally got everyone through the hallway.

One day, everyone else will die, and Marcille will be left behind. Even if death might be temporary here, it's a reminder of what her future entails. And if the others are reckless with their lives, then the already short time she has with them will be made shorter.

So the lion HAD watched Marcille through her nightmares.

I still think the Lion is genuine when talking about how admirable Laios's wish is, but after learning more about its kind, that genuineness is from a more alien place now. It admires Laios's wish not because of the inherent goodness, kindness, or love behind it; but because it will taste great when it eventually eats it.

The Lion might have originally chosen Laios to defeat Thistle because Laios's desire to make a kingdom where people live alongside monsters made him the perfect replacement to feed on when it decides to discard Thistle.

But Marcille's desire to make all the races have the same lifespan is equal if not stronger. And unlike Laios, Marcille's desire is based in fears and terrors that make her far more susceptible to manipulation.

The lion has set its eyes on its next victim.

Do you think some of this encounter was his own machinations as well? He set some things up to ensure Marcille would be the only survivor to amplify her fear of outliving everyone?

The Lion, like all demons, seeks to break out of the dungeon. And Marcille's wish would necessitate it be able to exert its power over the whole world. Marcille would actually be the perfect Dungeon Lord for the Lion. She has complicated desires rooted in her fears, she's insecure, fulfilling her desire would require the dungeon to expand greatly, and she's completely under the radar because the Canaries are concerned about Laios becoming the next Dungeon Lord.

Marcille is making that same face she made when she resurrected Falin. I thought back then that it was because of the nature of using Ancient Magic, but actually it was because Marcille was having to look at the inevitability of everyone else's mortality. She was facing the possibility that her friend was gone and there was nothing she could do about it.

The chapter was about to end in the "All's well that ends well" everyone laughs way that many of these chapters end. But not this time.

back

[disappointingcabbage]

Tmagp 27 thoughts, spoilers below the cut!!

Been busy as hell this week, time to listen finally

Lena micromanaging organization and caseload in anticipation of the minister’s visit is both understandable and a dick move

Gwen is also being a dick today, apparently

Oh hello Augustus

Oooh old letter from the 1800s

Failed transmutations? Sounds like alchemy

Institute mention?

IS THIS JONAH FUCKING MAGNUS WRITING THIS LETTER?

Not a letter, it’s a diary

Spooky carriage?

Carriage that eats people??? Also love how the coachman is part of the carriage itself like some kind of fucked up centaur

Love how Jonah’s reaction to seeing a carriage presumably consume a person was to bribe a different cab driver into following it

Oh funky it’s leaking blood

Lmao the carriage is a picky eater, it spits out the clothes

oh shit he’s just straight up feeding people to it now. Sounds about right for Jonah Magnus tbh

Oh inch resting he had the guy take notes

How in the hell does a carriage that eats people relate to alchemy, exactly?

Oh shit it like actually digests you slowly and the rate of digestion correlates to the level of fear. Ew. And also inch resting.

lol his conclusion is just “if this fucking thing exists then alchemy should also work because they’re both weird as hell”

“You ever get any weird emails?” “I’m openly trans on the internet” wheezing, I love you Alice

Oooh Gwen got a spooky email

Alice’s hatred for the government is so real

Damn, the Magnus Institute was super specific about their real estate preferences

Helen sending this info to Sam and Celia is probably illegal but she’s here for the tea I guess

oh so they actually fucked at the end of last episode. Good for them tbh

Awww they’re continuing on with their relationship

Oh holy shit they bought the hilltop center that the one thrift store statement took place in and they still technically own it

Holy hilltop road, Batman

What the fuck do you mean the minister is Trevor fucking Herbert?

“I have so many barrels of gunpowder and the blessing of the pope” sounds to me like you need the holy hand grenade of Antioch, Alice

Alice really just said fuck it I’m in

Ohhh shit Celia didn’t know that [ERROR] was an archivist

Ooooh hilltop field trip