#The Hills vs The Bolands

[michelleelizabethtanner]

Super love your work! I know you get lots of asks, but I was really curious so I hope you don't mind answering another question. Dean said he and Stan had known each other for 20 years or something like that in season 4. Do you think they were friends first before he met Ruby and Beth? And how come we never heard any lip from Stan to Dean about him cheating? You've mentioned before that at the end of the show, Ruby is in the same position as Beth was when the show started, meaning Stan kind of became her Dean (to a lesser extent because ew, no one else in the show is that bad lol). What do you make of Stan, this supposed law-abiding goody-two-shoes, seemingly letting Dean's bullshit slide?

I guess what I am trying to understand is if these 4 people who have known each other for years were all friends before or did they each become "friends" through their spouses? Because Stan sure as hell could not care less about Beth and Dean doesn't seem to give that much of a fuck about Ruby.

And I want to understand why the hell someone like Stan was ever friends with Dean or why he would entertain continuing that friendship post pilot episode. I can understand his reasons for distancing himself from Beth in season 4, but I cannot wrap my head around why he'll stay friends with Dean.

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Ooo, these are such good thoughts, Anon! And I appreciate the ask and your kind words! I’ve definitely spent time contemplating this and running the gamut of emotions about Stan and his complicity in excusing and enabling toxic male behavior. As with most inexplicable behaviors and dynamics on the show, I think it’s much more layered and complicated than this dramedy showed us. I truly will never understand how they set up these extremely thought-provoking characters and situations and then just focussed on the dumbest things!!! Why not explore some of these concepts that actually impact society and people would find relatable?

Basically, I don’t think the Hills and the Bolands ever lived in the same universe. The Beth/Ruby relationship seems extremely disproportionate to me, with Ruby playing the sidekick to Beth’s constant need. Ruby has always represented an escape from Beth’s abusive home life. So did Dean, but Ruby actually loved Beth, which created this transactional relationship between them where Ruby constantly was earning her keep by making Beth the priority. In every situation we’ve been shown as these two women grew up together, Ruby and Beth participated in each other’s lives on Beth’s terms.

And again, this is difficult to really pinpoint because we were shown so little, but why was absolutely nothing shown of Stan and Ruby when they were young? I think it speaks volumes that the three “main characters” were all given histories except Stan and Ruby, who are explained in the broadest strokes possible and we are given no flashbacks of who they used to be before their adult lives. Hence all your questions, Anon. Ruby exists on the show in her sole purpose of propping up Beth, and that’s how I’m viewing their relationship.

That being said, consider the world Stan was living in. To him, Ruby is the star. He and Ruby are the primary relationship. Their dreams, their family, THAT’S what matters. And he was very patient throughout their lives as Ruby made Beth an enormous priority, in ways that Beth didn’t appear to fully reciprocate. I don’t think Stan and Dean were besties in high school. I think they knew each other. Dean was sporty. Arrogant. A jock. Stan was probably kinda nerdy. He doesn’t appear to be from an especially privileged background. Dean was from an obviously very wealthy, WASPy family who (I’m just gonna say it) probably wouldn’t have welcomed Stan or Ruby with open arms. How could that have ever been a proportionate friendship? How could Beth’s life becoming more and more like the Boland’s life have ever been something Stan would embrace or feel any personal accountability to?

Beth modeled her very being after Judith. Who else would have been her role model? Her own mother was a source of shame and trauma for her. She viewed Dean as a way out. His family was the “right” kind of family. His family is how you’re “supposed to be.” Beth became Judith. Hence why she resented Judith so much. Because she was always defensive and always made to feel like Dean did her a favor, rescuing her from her problematic home. No matter how much she tried to cover it, she was always that girl from the dirty house with the empty refrigerator, with the wild sister with broken limbs because no one was watching them or taking care of them.

So while understandable why Beth wanted out and why she wanted to build this pristine life, that life was modeled after a history that directly opposed people like Stan and Ruby. Beth either ignored it or, more likely, didn’t even see it. Because she didn’t live that reality. Ruby probably felt it, but she loved Beth so it was just how things were. Stan, I imagine, felt that resentment much more acutely. He never made the choice to worship the Bolands. Ruby did. And he went with it because he loved Ruby. But when Dean inevitably became what rich white men become, Stan didn’t say anything. Because it wasn’t a surprise and it wasn’t his responsibility to deal with. He had already put up with enough of the Boland privilege. He couldn’t have been expected to then step in to rescue this woman who made her own bed and chose to lie in it. Beth’s traumas, while valid and still traumas, aren’t the only traumas in the world. Ruby and Stan lived in an entire world not built for them, and spent their time smiling through it. So to Stan, if this white woman can so easily excuse the casual racism of their everyday lives, why would she not also excuse the casual infidelity of her own husband? I imagine he just figured that’s what these people are. Blindly privileged and complicit in their own downfalls because of their entitled complacency.

I don’t really see Stan as EVER being Dean’s “friend.” Not in the way friendships are reciprocal and invested relationships. Stan became someone Dean leaned on because he didn’t have anyone else. Stan resented Beth so much by season 4 that he just went along with anything that would get the Bolands out of his life. And the funny thing is, the shock on Beth’s face as Stan finally aired his resentments showed that she had absolutely no idea that she wasn’t the star in his life. That he didn’t appreciate having to sacrifice for her whims – not just in crime, but ALL their lives. They tell the story of how Ruby called Beth when she went into labor with Sarah before she called Stan. That isn’t a cute or funny story. That is a story of a privileged woman holding power over Stan’s wife and control over Stan’s very life. Who wouldn’t be resentful of that?

So this kind of went on a little. Sorry about that. This is just how I view these two couples and their history. There is no way to avoid consequences of social inequities when they are everyone’s reality. I think the show could have taken some “risks” and actually explored these topics instead of burying them under ridiculous side plots and unnecessary comic relief. Beth’s casual racism extends to many of her relationships, including the one with Rio. She wanted to be a leader in his operation while actively holding herself above the people making that operation happen. This is a theme and a lived experience I think most of us can relate to in some way and can think consciously about as we watch these fictional relationships flail in the wind.

[mego42]

What are some of your favorite GG song Moments. ? Here are some of mine.

1. Easy ft lorde- OMG this soong is such a bop. it just fits the scene so well. HONESTLY one of my fav scenes. HE IS LIVING HIS BEST LIFE IN THIS SCENE. I LOVE CHAOTIC RIO

2. Wild heart by SPELLES.- THIS SONG IS SO HAUNTING just fits the vibe so well. SO ANGSTY

3. The most recent song. Used in that Brio moment. Idk what its called . I know that Beth is having the time of her life but that song is just HEAVY. The lyrics 🙏😭😭❤❤❤ such a pretty song fr 😔

omg anon i love this question nearly as much as i love your taste. YES!!!! to Easy (i too love tf out of personification of chaos rio), YES!!!!! to Wild Heart!!!!  it’s SO HAUNTING and disorienting and PERFECT. and Y E S !!!!!!!!!!!!! to the most recent song (whole life by perfume genius). i am LIVING for the heavy ballad vibes, super agree it’s so pretty. 

in no particular order, my top 5 music moments:

blanket me / hundred waters

1x09 - beth makes the calendar laying out her kids future in case something happens to her

i’ve already exposed myself as an absolute loon when it comes to this song and you can read the whole breakdown here

but tl;dr it’s a song about relying too much on a person and needing to break free and be independent but not in a toxic sort of way, more in a for personal growth and the best for everyone because co-dependence holds everyone back and i really, really, really love that in context of beth and her children, her learning to step back and not smother them but also not give so much of herself that she disappears entirely because that’s not good for them in the long run

basically it’s sort of a thesis statement for beth’s underlying s1 arc

plus it’s just like, heavy and haunting and absolutely gorgeous and not to be like, unreasonably pretentious, moves me and i love it

notable lyrics: You're my blanket, you're my skin / You're everything within / You're my guardian, I'm your sail / A boat in your harbor / Gone under, capsized and sinking / Blanket me, blanket me, blanket me, blanket me, blanket me

-

whole life / perfume genius

4x06 - beth looking for a place to hide the wire/hooking up with rio

the song is all about leaving behind the things weighing you down and moving into a brighter, more free future and i love love love how that plays with the duality of beth hiding the wire and securing her source of information for the secret service BUT ALSO marking this moment as a turning point for beth and rio because it absolutely is.

(like not just the fact that they’ve resumed a physical relationship but rio’s invited beth deeper into his world and we’re seeing beth crack on a level we really haven’t before)

this season is leaning SO HARD into duality and the tangled up truths and lies between them and i am absolutely UNHINGED over it

i also really love the like, passionate ballad nature of it juxtaposed over this twisted, extremely sexy moment (intercut with dean joyfully trying to seize hold of his new hobby only to be IMMEDIATELY denied)

there are just so many layers to it and i love all of them

notable lyrics: The mark where he left me / A clip on my wing / Oh, let it soften / I forgive everything

-

ocean rain / echo & the bunnymen

4x04 - the beth and jane/rio getting the drop on fitz montage

the whole theme of this song is two people tearing each other apart and destroying the bones of their former intimacy which like, hello subject matter aptitude and it’s told through this GLORIOUSLY dramatic hurricane at sea imagery with ships being dragged below the waves by the hurricanes the two people have called down on each other set to a gorgeous over the top orchestral score

on a yrical note, i love that the song is basically the same verse over and over (interspersed with the chorus, obvs) and the only change is me vs you when it comes to who brought the storm down on them

basically, if you were challenged to come up with a song that represented two peak dramatique heaux nightmare factories locked in a never ending game of deadly cat and mouse, you couldn’t top this.

i am ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED with the choice to pair it with a montage of beth finally pulling the trigger (with foresight and intent, shooting rio was p obvs a oh shit look what i did moment), a milestone rio’s been dragging her (down) towards since the beginning of s2 AND using him to do it, dragging him (down) into her mess (m ade all the more messy when you consider he was the target of it) (i just! love it! so! much!)

i want to live in johnathan leahy’s brain

notable lyrics: all at sea again / and now my[your] hurricanes have brought down this ocean rain / to bathe me again / my ship’s a-sail / can you hear it’s tender frame / screaming from beneath the waves / screaming from beneath the waves

-

el musgo / gabriel bruce

3x04 - rio watches beth make money

UGH GOD when that high hat and bass kicked in the first time i was like oh shit we are in for some DRAMA and sure enough we were as well as a more sexual montage than anything you’d find in actual porn.

idk, the fact that they chose this deep, dark, mournful about lost love to an elongated montage slow motion montage of rio watching beth make fake cash and deciding not to kill her for nearly killing him doEs stuFf to me

all i’m saying is johnathan leahy ships brio harder than any of us and is a more dramatique heaux than either of them, which are two really impressive feats to achieve

AND THEN!!! AND THEN!!!!! they CHOPPED THE SONG UP!!!!! so they were able to take advantage of the dawning drama of the opening bars BUT ALSO include the closing stanza about wearing the marks the subject of the song gave the singer like a scar where they took his heart from him and the INTENTIONALITY of that creative choice puts me on the FLOOR

LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

notable lyrics: I'll wear this mark like a medal / But it's a scar / Where you took my heart from me

-

kimono hill / sophia kennedy

3x01 - rio leaves the hotel

honeslty, lowkey surprised this one made my top five. not because it isn’t a fabulous song deployed with johnathan leahy’s usual mastery, but bc i didn’t realize how much i loved it until making this list

i don’t really have like, a deep, lyrically rooted storytelling reason for loving it, i just think the way they used it in the show is Such A Vibe

the way the vibrating synthy tones and underlying organ kicks in while rio’s getting in the elevator has this beautiful held breath anticipatory quality to it that works SO WELL to set up the montage of rio strutting out back into his life while turner gets murdered (a scene i have some uh, complicated feelings about but setting those aside), and the bolands’ fresh start to the tune of bouncy drums and looping vocals

idk it’s such a shining note to end the first episode of a new season on, i remember feeling refreshed and super hype for what’s to come

notable lyrics: no lyrics, just the vibe of the opening bars

tl;dr i really, really, REALLY love how this show uses music. you can tell they put a lot of time and effort and thought into it and while i know the trajectory isn’t working for everyone, personally i love it. granted, as you can see from this list, i clearly love the shit out of a down tempo dramatic ballad, so. if you are more of a bangers and bops person, i would point you to @nickmillerscaulk’s inbox as she is a Certified Bangers Afficianado.

[harpersplay]

Prediction: The title of 4x06 is a comment by one of the children. 70-30 it’s a Boland child vs a Hill child. Revision to this prediction: It’s Tyler who says it. I forgot he’s going to be in this episode.

Second Prediction: Annie is going to pass her GED and be on an upswing. Then the repercussions of her convo with Mick in 4x01 will appear.

Third Prediction: The “women take matters into their own hands” = jewelry store robbery

[hypermania]

i can’t believe i forgot to add this crucial bit: sara’s lifework involves fighting corruption in the government and criminal justice system. i just think that would be really neat. like, it seems like something she would naturally be drawn to, but it also is a sort of continuation of the beth boland vs hill family dynamic that would be personally hilarious to me. 

OMG I love your ending for Annie. It's perfect. Now I'm curious to know how you would fix Ruby's?

thank you! i think it's really easy to imagine that ending (or a similar one) for annie because the writers set up that very clear path forward awhile ago. they just completely failed to follow through in favor of giving her another unwanted love interest haha (two, actually, if we're keeping count, ugh).

ruby, on the other hand... i've gotta be honest, i have no idea how to even begin to resolve that issue. the writers have set up a very deep, complex conflict between her and stan, and it's real and it's raw and it's interesting, but it also means that i don't even know what thread to start pulling on to untangle the knot. it's why i haven't said much about them in general lately. this thing they're going through is so far outside the scope of my experience, i can't even see it with binoculars. i've never been in a relationship like theirs, certainly not one that's lasted that long. and all of my closest friends are relationships that formed in adulthood. so to see ruby be put in a position where she has to choose between her husband and her lifelong best friend? i can't even imagine it.

one of the biggest issues i see is that stan's not wrong, but he's not right either. beth does steamroll people and she is going to continue operating in a world that is dangerous. her involvement in crime is dangerous. he's right about all of that. but she didn't get ruby shot and she's not the reason stan and ruby are in the situation that they're in. she's just a place to lay the blame, because the truth of the matter is that ruby also chose this, and to some extent stan did as well. so i think that's going to have to be acknowledged in some way—that beth didn't drag ruby kicking and screaming into a dangerous life of crime. ruby walked in on her own two feet and then stayed, knowing the consequences.

but how do they do that? well i think probably they do move away and they go back to a "normal" life and they struggle to pay for sara's medication to the point that they can't and she gets sick again, because that really is the crux of it for them. it's sara's life. and i do think stan has to be the one that realizes they have no other options (and maybe when he finally realizes that and says it out loud to ruby, she just hands him a ski mask or something because yeah she knows; she's just been waiting for him to catch up haha). but even with that realization, then what? do they just go back to crime-ing full time? do they go back to detroit? and how does that fix anything? because there's no way that stan's ultimatum in the finale doesn't cause resentment. i don't know how to resolve that.

and i don't know how to give them the ending they deserve because i don't think they deserve this. i don't think they deserve a life of crime because their daughter is sick and they can't afford to keep her alive. i think ruby would do it. i think she's already made her peace with having to do it, but i don't think she should have to, and i don't think she should have to live the rest of her life caught in a tug-of-war between her husband and her best friend.

so. here's the best that i can come up with: stan and ruby do some sort of crime to pay for sara's medication. there are consequences because there are always consequences. it doesn't matter if they're legal or gang friend-esque, just as long as there are consequences. beth puts herself in front of those consequences, preferably at considerable personal risk. because yes beth can be impulsive and reckless—she doesn't always think things through—but when it comes down to it, she will do anything for her family, and ruby (and by extension, stan) is her family. and i think that's important, because all stan has seen is the ways in which ruby's friendship with beth has endangered ruby, but he is completely missing all the ways that they protect each other, and that's a big piece of the puzzle. so beth absorbs the consequences (and let's be real—ultimately wiggles out of them because that's what she's best at), because that's what you do for family.

and then stan and ruby win the lottery so they never have to crime again. and live happily ever after.

see what i mean when i said i have no idea how to resolve ruby's situation? haha. i just know i want her to have the life she deserves, but i have no idea how to get her there.