#The Elephant Payday

[gugf]

Dallas's honest reaction

[bainofjustice]

Kitty's Notes On Episode 4 Of The Payday Web Series

Okay we have a time skip, two days after First World Bank, that also means that everything happening in the previous episodes was definitely happening within those days, likely the same day as the heist, which means a few things

1. Hector's location is close to the parking garage that Lukas and Isabella had their discussion, if my Sofie = Sophia theory rings true that would mean that all of this happened within DC

2. That black eye Dallas got lasts multiple days, good job Houston

Here is where we learn it's a thing with Jordan as she corrects Mr Steele aka Dallas when he calls her Agent Griffin instead of *Special* Agent Griffin, to quote her “I [Jordan] am pretty picky about that part.”

Also now is a good time to discuss something, while I know fanon mostly agrees and hell even my writing partner agrees with (meaning this bit of fanon shows up in my works) the idea that Natehen Steele is Dallas's true name, I earnestly suspect it isn't, Dallas as a former member of a mob who put a bounty on his head and also has connections to someone with loan sharks after them in their civilian identity (Houston) would likely not be able to hold a legal identity as a bank employee & even if he could that could have quickly got him undesired attention from non-Crime.net criminals and we have to assume he took time to get the job he had & amount of trust he is given as Natehen Steele so the mobs and loan sharks would have also had time to track him down.

Also may I say the costumer really didn't know how to dress Jordan as a character, in episode one there is this one button that isn't properly done which leaves a hole making it clear the shirt is too tight for her breast size and in episode two we can see her bra strap which doesn't even seem to be like a sports bra which would fit the athletic looking tanktop & pants.

Also unproper gun safety as Jordan has a hand gun sticking out of her pants weist line instead of a proper holster.

Also Jordan is repeatly put in like high high heels, not like full on club heels but way higher than professional dress code high heels

Also Dallas drinks tea with no sugar, he asks for this instead of the coffee that Jordan offers him.

Jordan's first question is about if First World Bank suffered any cybersurcity attacks prior to the heist, Dallas tells her that the bank is cyberattacked about 1000 times a day but almost none get past the firewall

Her second question is if Natehen has heard of something called CRIMENET, Dallas just tells a flat no to this but seems more emotive to the question, sighing and shaking his head.

I think at this point, if not from the start Jordan is very suspicious of Natehen, as her next question is something he's already probably had to answer in a police report “can you tell me [Jordan] exactly what happened that day? [The heist]”

Also a side note Jordan's voice is more like how I remember it, I think my memory of her voice is mainly from this scene and the one with Vlad in episode 6

Note from future Kitty who is done the episodes, yeah throughout the rest of the series it is more in line with this than her first appearance.

We get to see Dallas's pov or well shortly before & the very start of the heist

it also shows him doing things like directing co-workers away from where the heist will take place, Dallas isn't the most moral person in the world but he cares about innocent lives

Ultimately though it seems like Natehen just directs Jordan to read the police report, which doesn't work the best as Jordan tries to press

But just in time Jordan is called to go do something involving “9-2”, something like “director key”, I think I am mishearing what is being said, in general I wish I had access to the script as it would help with things like this & names.

And Dallas takes this as a chance to get out of there which admittedly I am surprised doesn't bite him in the ass since Jordan wasn't dealt with immediately after this encounter.

But also, I think Bain definitely had a foothold in the FBI already, outside of Agent Riker which is why the call happened when it did and probably why Jordan had no recourse when Natehen bailed.

During the time of the web series Sentor Simmons aka The Elephant had a setent race ahead of him and was surcuring funding both legally and also via Crime.net/The Payday Gang given what Bain says at the end of episode 3 about someone needing funding while Elephant is shown on one of Bain's screens

One of Elephant's legal supporters is Whitmore Development which is likely a construction company given the name and golden hammer the ceo gives Elephant as a gift. Also the ceo's wife is cheating on him with Elephant.

Also the company name is the same as the ceo last name, Whitmore.

Elephant seems to have a bit of a bantering relationship with his driver (named Duffy) as the driver asks how the event went and Elephant outright tells him that he's been sleeping with ms Whitmore.

It also seems the driver is the one to have came up with Elephant's political slogan at the time of “I/We get the job done.” and seems like Elephant workshopped it a bit for the full speech. In general both seem actually pretty happy & light-hearted talking to each other, and given that the driver likely sees Elephant drop someone off later to be assassinated I think it is safe to assume that the driver is a bit of a confidante to Elephant.

Also random note about Bain's set up as we get a good shoot of it, he has 5 computer screens total, three on a desk which tends to show contacts, security footage, relevant information on important items and map information, then two smaller wall mounted screens which look like in this scene have map info, so I can assume are in general used for things Bain considers secondary information during his schemes.

The man Gage assassinates with Elephant's help, Charlie, was involved with Crime.Net and had a title “The Lobbyist” I feel confident in assuming he was a way Bain could try to lobby for things.

Apparently Charlie got on Bain's bad side by siding with Don Elis, who Bain just calls “My [Bain's] enemy”, So Bain sees Charlie as a potential source of conflict that needs to be gotten rid of.

Also it seems like Elephant banging that lady is a open secret as Charile asks him about it.

Also for the assassinion Elephant pretended to Charile that he needed him to get into Crime.net which is very funny given the likelyhood that Bain has known or known of Elephant since his days before even being a hister

Spefically Elephant requests “full access” which to me suggests there is a tier system to membership/use of the services

Charile apparently didn't have full access

Full Access may be able to be given if you yourself have it, perhaps it is something physical like a usb with a different version of the program, either way Bain monitors this and would kill anyone giving it out without his permission

Elephant asks Charlie “who else knows about him [Elephant]” which I am assuming means Elephant's criminal ties and connection to Crime.net. Charile repiles with “Overkill” (which is later retconed to be a bikergang, outside of being a reference we don't know the intention of what Overkill was in universe at the time) and Bain.

We see the pair drive by a scene with police and a ambulance, I think this is intended to be the assassinion we see Greta preform as the parking lot & building look like it.

Okay future Kitty again, it is unlikely given Charlie is dropped off by a shady club meanwhile the assassinion takes place at a decently fancy hotel. Interestingly though before the assassinion scene itself in the drive with the victim we also briefly see a police scene like here. It seems like a symbiotic choice to have both victims of assassinations drive by police shortly before death.

Gage is honestly probably the best actor in universe, easily being able to pretend to be a homeless burned out war vet, which does take influence from his own life but all good actors include a nugget of truth in their acts, either way it does make Charile lower his guard and get close enough for the kill.

Also Gage smokes

Admittedly the murder itself is pretty sloppy, it takes four shoots total at point blank for Gage to feel confident he killed Charlie, we see Gage touch parts of Charlie's clothes as he kills him, he steals a lighter out of Charlie's hands leaving more chances for fingerprints oh and the gun isn't silenced and while it seems like they are in a bad neighborhood that still is gonna give Gage less time to get away from the scene and he had to stick to paved areas due to use of a wheelchair so he can't really take unexpected routes.

Oh and Charlie isn't even fully dead after the four shoots, we still hear him moaning while Gage takes the lighter

We also see that Gage uses cocaine, lazily leaves a bag with the body as some sort of false lead? Either way he handled the bag with his barehands

THEN HE CALLS ELEPHANT WHILE STILL RIGHT NEXT TO THE BODY! HOW THE HELL DID NO ONE SEE HIM?? NOT EVEN JUST A NOSY HOMELESS PERSON????

Anyways it is very clear Elephant was already in touch with Bain before this all as he already had the name Elephant and Bain's phone number and was in chage of the assassinion. This also means very very clearly that people in Crime.net do not inherently know each other's ranks within it, which I mean is befitting of everything else but good to soildly know.

Bain says that Crime.net is ready to launch at the end of the episode and while that is probably a reference to the game, I also think in universe this was a era where Bain made Crime.net, the program and organization a lot more avilable to other criminals, I suspect even it being a time where Bain made a major update to the program itself.

Wolf is for once not credited as himself but a actual actor!

[commence-screaming]

i can’t believe I haven’t explained to the general public how Bain is an alien. yeah there was that ONE thing I sent AC but that doesn’t count okay 😆

Payday 2 spoilers hahaa

So during the end cutscene, the couple seconds where jacket throws his tape… there’s a weird stone in the background.

It’s written in Kataru! Luckily I know the cipher… though I can’t be bothered to find a higher quality one so wfejvdjd

Okay okay hear me out

Kataru cipher is written from right to left, top to bottom.

BAIN/OURWATCHER/FALLEN

Because this is a tombstone :) if you’re wondering what a Watcher is, it’s explained. ovks had a limited dlc for payday 2 called the “completely overkill pack” and there happened to be a certain mask description for a particular one…

Watchers in the book of Enoch were angels who wanted to be with human women and were punished for that… however we’re not sure if the book of Enoch is canon to payday lore (even though it mentions Nephilim) so I say that Watchers are aliens. Generally. Something very not human.

It makes the meaning of that translation interesting. It gives depth to other weird details that are in the game.

Like in the contact database, Bain says something along the lines of “I am the gatekeeper, or the watchman, if you will.” and “whatever I tell you might be a lie to protect myself. If I told you the truth, you wouldn’t believe me” and if the truth is that Bain is actually the gang’s Watcher, it makes sense.

“I don’t see how it could’ve gone this way, but I’m only human.” I mean, mostly. It’s not technically a lie

Bain is partially human, since he was “born.” He also mentions him having a grandpa who went heisting (big bank stealth) so I would say that the alien stuff is somewhere in his lineage.

He’s very apologetic when a mission fails, by the way. I would speculate that he’s like that because of Hoxton’s arrest but he was like that since the first game. I wonder what he’s trying to make up for :)

All the jokes would have deeper meaning if Bain is an alien of some sort

In the Mega Watcher mask description, it says “they communicate using their minds.” It would fit into how you hear Bain’s voice clearly through even flash bangs, but nobody else’s. There’s actually no official content (that I know of) depicting Bain talking to his crew over earpieces. It’s not like ovks hadn’t modeled earpieces before, look at the guards in the train transport heist! Each time they talk to Bain it’s always over the phone (comic collaboration)

(official Locke and Load comic)

He’s also able to talk to his crew after the EMP bomb goes off in Boiling Point (which took out a whole facility PLUS superhumans)

in that last part he can somehow see what the player is doing as if he has cameras in their masks… except that couldn’t be. Because it shouldn’t be working. If you take the briefcase before Bain asks you to, he has a few different lines like “how did you know I needed that briefcase?” “You read my mind,” and “are you psychic or something?”

and if Bain is a Watcher, these quotes are hilarious. It was right there all along!

“(They) use their large eyes” take a look at the color of the Watcher mask.

Bain’s favorite color is blue. We know it’s true because Crimenet’s color scheme is blue… and Bain’s eyes are blue too. Coincidence? …Maybe. I’m not ruling it out. It would be messed up considering what happens to one of his eyes. My dude got nerfed. and was probably experimented on if what Locke says is anything to go by

“to witness, gather and share information” could they mean the way that the crew can somehow see through walls? How Bain can highlight objectives for you if you can’t find something? Nobody can hide from him.

Bain wears a fleur de lis ring on the pinkie of his right hand. Yes, like the guide of bain

(Something I want to point out, bain is terrible at lying to his team actually. Sooo the detection meter is just future Russian glasses? Yeaahhh sure Bain)

I guess this definitely isn’t mind control or any sort of skill *cough cough* joker *cough* There’s one last thing I want to put down here because it was never explained in canon.

HONESTLY NOT SURE WHAT THIS IS. Could it be the “Watcher of the Star?” is it Bain’s ancestor? or is Bain immortal somehow I don’t know but no normal guy would just have this laying around XD

Bottom line is that if Bain isn’t then he’s definitely SUSPICIOUS. Just putting that out there.

[gaignunkukai]

man. i still have Feelings about the payday 2 storyline and the dlc heists. the ukranian prisoner especially.

in direct contrast to how the dentist may have been using the gang from the start and how the elephant was shaping bain up to be his watcher and may even try to prove the reincarnated president was corrupt in the true ending, vlad clearly cares about the gang. sure, there's...the whole meltdown heist and all, but vlad cares. he refused to sell out the gang even upon being tortured to the point of almost dying. he's one of the returning contractors in payday 3.

there's something about vlad's loyalty to the gang that makes me want to keysmash. the only real member of the kataru to have stuck with the gang through thick and thin. and i wonder how that affected his relationships with the other kings--the dentist was willing to stab them both in the back, considering the elephant was arrested for a while and no one else came to rescue vlad during his torture. and the elephant largely seems interested in power and not much else.

and god. the dentist's line in hell's island. "Give my regards to Simmons and Kozak." did you ever view them as equals, dentist?

[playedbetter]

The Watchers Lore

Watchers are mortal souls tied to the immortal souls of The Kings. They are tasked with keeping their respective King in check for the benefit of humanity, though might take other duties upon themselves.

Function of Creation

The first watchers were the right hand men and women of each of The Kings, each with a strong moral character and concern for humanity as a whole.

Watchers after the first of a line are born a Watcher, they are born in batches after the prior generation is fully dead and generally are born within fifty years of the other watchers. (Such as Bain being born in 1967 & Kento in 1995, they are in the same Watcher generation)

Function of The Soul

The first of each Watcher line has their soul reincarnated each new generation. There is a continuity of some basic traits and values, but otherwise each reincarnation is their own separate person.

Basic traits & values

Star: Paranoia, socially smart, outgoing, the greater good.

Scribe: Reckless curiosity, book smart, introverted, justice.

Healer: Perfectionism, wise, loner, order.

Bane: Self sacrificing, street smart, family focused, freedom.

Interactions With Others

(Aka, what can your muse figure out on their own)

Kings: They can sense that a Watcher is a Watcher and which King they are a Watcher for. They can sense the general location of their Watcher and naturally intuit their identity even before meeting.

Supernatural Sense: Anything that allows the supernatural to be detected would pick up that the watcher is a very old, reincarnations prone soul marked with a tie to unknowable forces. The King they are connected to would also be detected. Ultimately they are human with no abilities of their own beyond getting reincarnationed.

Angelic/Demonic Muses: They can sense that the watcher has been marked by heaven/God, for purposes unknown.

Seers: They can use their powers to see a Watchers past lives (if applicable) or have the Watcher relive those memories.

TMA Muses: They would register as marked by The Web, and are prone to being eye or web aligned.

List of Watchers

Star/The Elephant: Cagliostro (deceased), Bain (Formerly)

Scribe/Vlad Kozak: August Lindenhurst (deceased), Jordan Griffin (current, exclusively @chaosmultiverse)

Healer/The Dentist: Baldwin (deceased), Kento (verse dependently deceased, last of his line)

Bane/Bain: Dallas/Nathan Steele (current, first of his line, post payday 2)

[bugs-pd2-swap-au]

HI HI HELLO! Welcome to my payday 2 swap au blog!

I’m Bugs, or you can call me June!

This is just a place where I post fics, art, and general ideas about this au, I’ll also reblog any stuff other people make pertaining to this lil au of mine!

Current swaps will be under the cut!

Bain <—> Dallas

Houston <—> Hoxton

Wolf <—>Jacket

Clover <—>joy

Chains <—> Wick

Butcher <—> Dragan

Vlad <—> The dentist

Locke <—>The elephant

Twitch <—> Bile

Sydney <—> Sokol

Jimmy <—> Duke

Be aware; not EVERYTHING swaps with them, and some of the swaps are only like that bc I thought it would be fun.

[rainbowsalt0412]

Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam - Chapter 1

8th

It rained this morning.

A quiet shower, but frigid like the depths of winter. I yearn to live for my ideals.

I strive for my ideals. I move forward without fear, without fatigue, without hesitation.

Neither dreams nor honor will be pursued—for how euphoric it can be to solely devote oneself to quotidian tasks.

The Armed Detective Agency’s office sits at the top of a slope near Yokohama’s port. It’s a reddish-brown brick building with years of wear and tear, and its rain gutters and lampposts are sheathed in rust from the rough sea breeze. But despite its appearance, it’s so sturdily built that even machine- gun artillery fire from the outside wouldn’t cause any damage to the interior. That may sound oddly specific, but it’s happened to us.

In any event, our detective agency is situated on the fourth floor. The other floors are occupied by proper tenants. There’s a café on the first floor and a law firm on the second. The third is vacant, and the fifth is used for miscellaneous storage. The café takes good care of me right before payday comes, and I’m at the law firm asking for help every time there’s some legal trouble at work.

I take the building’s elevator to the fourth floor, get off, and stand before the office. On the door is a plate with the words ARMED DETECTIVE AGENCY written in simple, fine brushstrokes. I check my watch. I still have forty seconds before work starts at eight o’clock.

Looks like I got here a little early.

Punctuality is my philosophy. Flipping through my notebook as I wait, I double-check today’s schedule. I already checked once during breakfast, once after leaving the dormitory, and once while waiting for the light to change, but I’ve never heard of anyone dying from excessive confirmation of their schedule. I read my notebook, ruminating on my work plans, then glance at my watch one more time as I adjust my shirt collar.

…Perfect.

“Good morning.” I open the door.

“Oh, Kunikida! Good morning! Take a look at this! It’s incredible!” I’m suddenly greeted by a grinning Dazai on the threshold.

“At last, I’ve made it! Ah, and what a sweet world it is! This is Yomotsu Hirasaka, the gateway to the afterlife! Look, it’s just as I imagined! The blue smoke covering the surface, the moonlight peeking in through the window, the pink elephant dancing in the westerly skies…!”

He dances in front of the office door with wild gesticulations. What a pain in the ass.

“Heh-heh-heh-heh! I just knew that Complete Suicide book would be a masterpiece! And to think, all it took to achieve such a simple yet pleasurable suicide was to ingest a mushroom growing along the mountain path! How wonderful! Ah-ha-ha!”

Dazai’s eyes are slightly twitching and unfocused.

“K-Kunikida, please do something!” a staff member begs, teary-eyed.

I guess it’s safe to assume that Dazai’s been like this all morning. I glance at his desk and see the blasphemous book he bought the other day, The Complete Suicide, opened to a page titled “Death by Poisoning: Mushrooms.” Next to the book lies a plate with a half-eaten mushroom on it. However, upon further inspection, it appears to be a slightly different color from the one in the book.

“Come, Kunikida! Join me in the underworld! See, here the alcohol flows freely, and you can help yourself to as much food as you’d like! You can sniff beautiful women until you’re blue in the face!”

“Please help, Kunikida; we’ve tried everything we could…”

Quite simply, the mushroom he ingested wasn’t the fatal kind but rather the hallucinogenic type.

However, that doesn’t matter to me.

I always do things in the same order each and every morning. If I didn’t follow my morning schedule as planned, would I still be able to finish my day’s work on time? The answer is no. I head to my desk, ignoring my crying coworker and that prancing imbecile. I set down my bag just as I always do. I boot up my computer and, as per usual, open the window.

“Whoa! There’s a giant sea anemone outside the window, Kunikida! A banana… It’s eating a banana! And it’s even removing the white stringy bits!”

I pour coffee into my mug just as I always do. Then I dispose of any documents from yesterday’s work that are no longer needed.

“Oh, I’ve got it. I need to take off my clothes. I need to get naked to get higher ratings! It’s simple, really! Let us undress! After that, we can all put on full-body tights, go to the bank, and dance the hopak!”

I check the telegraph rack just like always, then take a sip of my coffee.

“I can hear voices… Ohhh…! They’re in— They’re in my head! …The tiny man is whispering to me to go to Kyoto! That’s where they have the best miso tofu—”

I land a roundhouse kick to the back of Dazai’s head, knocking him against the wall and rendering him unconscious.

***

It was only four days ago when this failure of a human being became my colleague.

“A new employee?”

That day, I had been filing some paperwork when the president called me into his office.

He told me they had hired a new investigator, so he wanted me to look after him.

It was unexpected. Admittedly, the Armed Detective Agency profits from violence and deals with life-threatening work, but I’ve never heard anything about being short on staff. I’m even able to hold a second job working as an algebra instructor at Shin-Tsuruya Institute twice a week.

Granted, there has been an increase in cases that require armed personnel, such as the ‘Azure Banner Terrorist,’ the ‘Serial Disappearances of Yokohama Visitors,’ and our feud with the underground organization known as the Port Mafia. Honestly, we’ve been getting so many dangerous job offers of late that even our top detective, Ranpo, would have a hard time covering them all on his own. Perhaps the president hired a new employee in anticipation of that.

“Let me introduce you. Come in.”

The president faces the door after a few moments of contemplation and calls out to someone.

“Good afternoon.”

A man smiles from ear to ear as he enters the room.

He’s wearing a sand-colored coat and an open-collared shirt. He’s tall and thin with disheveled black hair, and while his unkempt appearance leaves much to be desired, he has somewhat handsome features. I am slightly curious about the white bandages wrapped around his neck and wrists, though.

“I’m Osamu Dazai, twenty years old. Nice to meet you.”

Twenty, huh? He’s the same age as me.

“I’m Kunikida. If there’s anything you don’t understand, I’m here to help.”

“Oh, so you’re a detective at the legendary Armed Detective Agency! It’s an honor to meet you!”

He forcefully grabs my hand and shakes it in an exaggerated manner.

In that moment, I suddenly sense a cold, piercing light in his eyes, as if he were calmly evaluating his senior—no, as if he were staring into my very soul through the eyes of a heavenly, enlightened sage. However, it is only for a fleeting moment before his vacant expression returns. Was I seeing things? Could my mind have been playing tricks on me? I pull myself together.

“So, Dazai, what brings you to our detective agency? This kind of place won’t take in just anyone who asks.”

“Yes, about that. I was at this pub—bored, unemployed—drunkenly complaining to myself when I happened to hit it off with some old guy sitting next to me. He said he’d give me a job if I beat him in a drinking contest. And, well, I jokingly went along with it but ended up winning.”

Who is this ‘Old guy’?

“It was Chief Taneda of the Special Division for Unusual Powers. He came by yesterday and gave me the news,” the president says with a straight face.

I find myself speechless when I hear him mention Chief Taneda’s name so casually. Chief Taneda is the top brass in the Home Affairs Ministry’s Special Division for Unusual Powers, a secret military agency unknown to the general public. His job is to control and regulate information on skill users. I’ve even heard he provided support to our president in establishing the Armed Detective Agency. That’s why not even the president himself can refuse such a referral.

“I really hope we can get along, Kunikida.”

Our new hire gives me a toothy smile, perhaps oblivious of my internal apprehension.

***

However, being personally recommended by a prominent figure doesn’t make you any less of a nuisance when you’re tripping on mushrooms this early in the morning.

Today marks three days since I was paired with Dazai.

I’m mentally exhausted, almost no work is getting done, and we’re receiving more complaints by the day. If I take my eyes off him for even a second, he’ll either leap into a river and claim he was trying to drown himself; get blackout drunk at a pub after what he calls a “pick-me-up”; or chat up some pretty lady, saying he had a divine revelation. He’s a twenty- year-old self-centered man-child who throws a wrench in my schedule every chance he gets.

Having said that, work is work, and coworkers are coworkers. Admitting defeat after only three days would damage not only the president’s trust in me but my dignity as a detective as well.

“How’s the newcomer?” the president asks while we play Go in a small tatami room near the office.

“A disaster. Imagine the devil, a poltergeist, and the god of poverty all combined into one entity.”

I place a black Go piece on the cypress board with the distinctive click of rock sliding over wood.

“But it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

The president and I always play Go at the same place after work. He sits up straight, facing me from across the board in the empty room.

“I appreciate it.”

He then places a white Go piece on the board, pushing me into an unfavorable position.

“It’s nothing. After all, this is what Chief Taneda wanted. But…why would he send a man like that to our agency?” I ask while contemplating my next move.

Should I go for the white territory in the bottom right corner? …I shouldn’t. I’m having a hard enough time making an approach move as it is. But if I try to hold out on the left side, it’s only a matter of time before he takes the center and the game is over. There’s nothing I can do. It looks like it’s going to be a while before I’m a match for him.

“Chief Taneda may be a free-spirited individual, but he has a discerning eye when it comes to remarkable talent. He must have sensed something unique in that boy.”

I have heard rumors about his extraordinary judgment. After all, he wouldn’t be the leader of the Home Affairs Ministry’s Special Division for Unusual Powers if he didn’t. But “remarkable talent”? You could shine a light in Dazai’s left ear and see it come out the right.

“And I agree with Chief Taneda’s decision. Osamu Dazai passed the written and field tests with perfect scores. He is extremely capable— dangerously so, even.”

“…What do you mean?”

“We looked into his past but found nothing. It’s completely blank. I asked a close friend in the military’s intelligence department to check, but he couldn’t find a single thing. Rather eerie, I must say. It’s as if someone very carefully wiped his background clean.”

It is rather odd that even the military’s intelligence department couldn’t find anything.

“Maybe all he did was loaf around the house for the past twenty years?”

“Perhaps. Because otherwise…”

He frowns even deeper than usual before continuing. “Have you heard about his skill?”

“Not yet.”

I heard he was a skill user, but I didn’t get the chance to ask about it. “He can nullify any skill simply through physical contact.”

I thought I was hearing things. Nullify skills on contact? At a glance, it may seem like nothing special, but it’s extremely rare. If properly utilized, it could be used to defeat an entire organization of skill users. My skill, The Matchless Poet, allows me to materialize objects just by writing them in my notebook, ripping out the page, and willing them into existence. However, I cannot produce items larger than the notebook itself. While it’s versatile and highly valuable, it doesn’t quite exceed the realm of convenience. That’s because if I really needed something, I could simply bring it with me before I went out.

But Dazai’s skill is different. In theory, there are countless enemies only he can defeat. Even the strongest skill user in the world is nothing more than an ordinary person before him. It would be no surprise if organizations from all over the world gathered to recruit him. I’m slowly starting to get what the president is trying to say.

“So…let me get this straight. At some pub, a tremendously important man like Chief Taneda just happens to sit next to a genius skill user, and they just happen to hit it off. Then this oddball happens to be sharp and gets a perfect score on his tests, but he also just happens to currently not have a job. Then, just like that, he successfully joins the prohibitively selective Armed Detective Agency without any trouble at all… Are you implying this is all a little too convenient?”

“Perhaps I am overthinking things, but the Armed Detective Agency has numerous connections with government agencies and military personnel. We also handle a large amount of classified information due to the nature of our work.”

It would make sense for a member of a criminal organization to infiltrate a detective agency due to their close ties to the police. There are plenty of advantages in joining a detective agency, given how easy some are to get into. But Dazai, a spy? And one good enough to outwit someone as distinguished as Chief Taneda? That Dazai?

“Kunikida, I want you to carry out his entrance exam.”

I nod. The agency’s “entrance exam” is a task assigned to detectives to give to prospective employees. It’s the real test, so to speak, and you will not be recognized as an actual employee if you don’t pass.

“I would like you to bring Dazai with you while you work and see if he can be trusted. If you ever feel he could be an emissary, intelligence operative, or spy of some sort, then you are to fire him without hesitation. However, if you sense any signs of wickedness in his heart…”

The president takes a black automatic pistol out from a bag behind him, then presents it to me.

“…”

I accept the gun without a word. It’s heavy. “Shoot him.”

“Yes, sir.”

If Dazai is part of some sinister scheme, then it would be the agency’s duty to stop him before things got out of hand. The Armed Detective Agency’s licensed staff are granted police-like authority. We’re authorized to carry guns and knives under certain conditions, and we can even pull records from police organizations. But above all, it allows us to commit unethical acts if we wish to do so: meddle with said authorities’ investigations, falsify police information, and even wiretap or secretly film key facilities. At worst, one could even commit an act of terrorism and sabotage these major facilities, resulting in the deaths of hundreds—if not thousands of individuals.

The cold iron pistol sits motionless in my hand.

***

Rippling waves roll over the bay beneath a shower of moonlight as I walk through the crowd by the Port of Yokohama. The sound of the ocean struggles to be heard over the hustle and bustle of the evening, while the moon competes with the city lights. Dazai slowly bobs down the street behind me.

We’re finally able to start work after he wasted half a day with the whole mushroom fiasco.

“Hey, show me that skill of yours again. The Matchless Poet, was it?” “No. One doesn’t so casually reveal his skill. Besides, I have to tear a page out of my notebook every time I use it. The artisan who makes these notebooks produces only a hundred of them a year, and they’re not cheap. Do you really think I’m going to waste a page just to entertain you?”

I check my watch before looking back at him.

“Anyway, Dazai, you need to walk a little faster. We’re going to be late.” “What do you mean, late? I thought we didn’t set a specific time to meet up with the informant?”

“No, I told them over the phone that we’d be there around seven PM.” 

“Well, it’s exactly seven now, and they’re only about five minutes from here, so we won’t be late.”

“That means we’re already late, you idiot! According to my watch, ‘Around seven PM’ refers to the twenty seconds between 18:59:50 and 19:00:10!”

“You’re the only one with a watch like that, Kunikida…,” Dazai mumbles as he walks.

Incidentally, my watch uses specialized equipment to set itself to standard time every morning when I wake up, so the margin of error is always under one second.

“We would’ve been done with most of our work today if a certain someone hadn’t eaten a magic mushroom. Don’t you dare eat one of those again. And if you do, make sure it’s the fatal kind.”

“Ah, what a pleasurable experience that was.”

“You’re fine now, right? Still seeing pink elephants in the sky?” “Elephants? Don’t be silly—elephants can’t fly. Those were purple elephant beetles I was seeing.”

There’s no hope for this guy. The more I talk to him, the more foolish I feel for ever having doubts about him. A spy? Wickedness in his heart? The worst he could do is jump in front of a train and screw up the rail schedule. At any rate, if Dazai does end up being nothing more than an incompetent fool, then the solution is simple. I just have to get rid of him, which I would be more than happy to do. But—

“Dazai, you remember our mission, right?” “Exterminating the purple elephant beetles.”

“…You know, I kind of get the feeling you’re doing this on purpose.” 

“Ah-ha-ha. I kid. We’re going to investigate a haunted mansion, right?” His smiling face and casual demeanor cause me to scowl.

Yesterday, I received an e-mail with a request from a client. The message said the following:

Dear Sir,

I hope everyone at the Armed Detective Agency is doing well. I am contacting you in hopes of asking you a favor. I understand that you are very busy. However, I was left with no other choice.

To tell the truth, I would like you to investigate a certain building. It should be completely uninhabited, yet night after night, I hear eerie groaning and whispering coming from within, and I see a faint light flickering through the window. The other neighboring residents and I are so terribly frightened, we can hardly sleep.

I understand that this is not a small request, but I would be forever in your debt if you could check to see whether this is some sort of prank. Moreover, if this does happen to be a prank, then I would appreciate it if you could explain how and why it is occurring.

While it is not much, I sent you a retainer fee for your services, so please have a look at your earliest convenience. Furthermore, I ask that this request remain a secret between us. Thank you for your understanding.

I wish everyone good health and the best of luck.

Yours sincerely.

It’s a rather long-winded request, but its sender is essentially asking us to check out a building in their neighborhood to see what all the strange noises are. Almost immediately after this e-mail arrived, the agency received a letter in the mail containing the retainer fee. I verified the amount to find that it was twice the market rate even after subtracting the planned expenses, which gave us no reason to refuse. We will conduct our business as per usual.

There is one thing I’m worried about, though: The client didn’t leave a name. It is not clear who they are, where they live, or even how to get in touch with them. Perhaps that was intentional, but we won’t be able to report our findings if we cannot contact them. Thus, we have no choice but to search for the client first.

“What if the client’s some kind of vengeful spirit? Perhaps they’ve tricked us into coming to this haunted mansion to eat us, and—”

“You fool. What kind of ghost story involves vengeful spirits writing e- mails?”

And I wouldn’t be afraid if it ended up being a ghost anyway.

As we continue our idle banter, we end up heading to the warehouses at the port. The moonlight reflects off the brick warehouses, dimly illuminating the cluster of buildings under the blanket of night. We step foot into an old warehouse that’s a size smaller than the rest. The ceiling is high, and the plaster on the walls is peeling due to the ocean breeze. My nose is tickled by the smell of iron machine parts and oil along with the old scent of dust and the passage of time. I ring the office doorbell. There’s a creaking sound as if iron is sliding against iron, and the electronic lock clicks open.

“C’mon in.”

Sure enough, a high-pitched voice welcomes us inside. We pass through a few heavy birch doors that have been unlocked remotely before arriving at our destination.

The room is just shy of 380 square feet. Machinery and electronics run across the floor and up the walls, the blinking diodes illuminating the dusky room. In the center stands a collection of computers with fans whirring like growling wolves. There are four LCD panels on the desk, each emitting a pale-blue light.

“Heya, Four-Eyes. Still religiously following that little notebook of yours?”

“Is that really the tone you want to take with me, informant? If we hand over the evidence we have on you, like we should, you’d be looking at ten years in prison. And that would break your late father’s heart.”

“Don’t you dare bring my dad into this.”

The informant, a fourteen-year-old boy, stacks his legs on the desk before leaning back in his chair. Cropped hair, big eyes, always wears the same white sweater no matter the season. He may be small, but his vision is sharp enough to cut glass.

“Anyway, it’s not like you to be late. What, were you on a ‘Date’ or somethin’?”

He makes a circle with one hand and shoves a finger in it with the other. “Sorry to disappoint, but I only plan on going on dates with the woman I marry. And according to the ‘Future Plans’ page in my notebook,” I reply as I turn to the appropriate page, “it’s going to be another six years before I get married.”

“Hold up. You already got a girl you’re gonna marry?” 

“Not for another four years.”

“Uh-huh…”

The boy’s eyes fly open, and his jaw drops when he realizes I’m serious. “Take a good look, lad. I live according to my ideals and schedule. That’s what it means to be an adult.”

“Yeah… I’ve got a pretty good idea what kinda person you are, but that was…uh, something.”

Dazai passes through the door behind me. “Hmm? Who’s the new guy?”

“Hey there. I’d love to introduce myself, but I’d rather not listen to Kunikida’s sass afterward.”

“You should introduce yourself first before asking, lad. Oh, and, Dazai, don’t try to guess what I’m going to do unless I give you express permission.”

“Geez, Four-Eyes. You sure love bossing people around… Whatever. Name’s Rokuzo Taguchi, age fourteen. I’m a professional hacker.”

“He’s the idiot who tried to hack into our system and was caught, so I had to teach him some manners.” I graciously add a few comments for clarity.

“C’mon, that was forever ago. Just gimme the logs already.”

Rokuzo hacked into the Armed Detective Agency’s information archive three months ago and threw the organization into chaos. Naturally, the agency is prepared for cyberattacks, and we traced the hacker back here. I roughed up Rokuzo a bit, and now he’s working as our information broker on the condition that we don’t hand the logs over to the police as incriminating evidence. It’s a symbiotic relationship.

“So did you figure out who sent us that e-mail I asked you to look into?” 

“Wow. Impatient much? I literally just saw it. I’m gonna need more time.”

I had asked him to locate the mysterious sender. Tracing an e-mail surely isn’t a difficult task for someone of Rokuzo’s caliber.

“Besides, I’m already busy tracing the missing persons you asked me to find. Isn’t that more important?”

“It is.” I nod in agreement.

He’s referring to the Serial Disappearances of Yokohama Visitors case.

There has been a series of missing-persons incidents, with no obvious connections among the victims. Eleven people have gone missing by now, and already a month has passed since a formal criminal investigation was launched. The victims have only two things in common, albeit minor: They don’t live in Yokohama, and they walked off into thin air. It’s a difficult case with no clues that would help us know where to even begin searching. What I asked Rokuzo to do was to track down evidence of the victims’ activity before they went missing, such as footage of them getting on a train or taking a taxi. However, the results have been less than ideal.

“Wait. Who went missing? Nobody’s told me anything about this.” Dazai chimes in, expressing interest.

“I’ll explain everything later.”

However, I casually brush him off—with reason, of course. I plan to make solving this case Dazai’s entrance exam, and I want to wait for the right time before disclosing said information.

“Ooh, training the newbie, huh? You’ve really moved up in the ranks, Four-Eyes.”

“Yeah, he’s a real stubborn boss. You wouldn’t believe what I put up with… By the way, Rokuzo, was it? You’re a hacker, right? So you got any dirt on Kunikida? Maybe some incriminating photos?”

“Dazai! Not a wise move scheming to blackmail me when I’m right here!” “Heh. I like your style, new guy. We got the thousand-yen plan, the ten- thousand-yen plan, and the hundred-thousand-yen plan. What’s it gonna be?”

“Just what do you have on me?!”

Wait, wait, wait. Relax, Doppo.

“Don’t make me laugh. I have nothing to hide. Dazai, ignore this kid. He’s bluffing.”

“…Hmm.” Dazai shoots me a meaningful glance.

“You don’t have to believe me. I’ll just sell the information to customers who do. I mean, I guess I could always dispose of it if you’re willing to cough up the cash, Four-Eyes.”

“Keep dreaming! No such information exists! Come on, Dazai! We’re leaving!”

I grab Dazai by the collar and quickly drag him out of the room, leaving the information broker’s hideout.

…One hundred and eleven thousand yen…?

***

There is not a soul to be seen in the old factory district. Dazai and I stand in the street, waiting for the taxi we called. Trails of light from passing vehicles come and go. A splash of yellow. A silver ribbon. The scattered crimson of brake lights. White headlights cut through the buildings’ shadows. The reflections of streetlamps flow across the car windows like water. The strong ocean winds slowly push the clouds away, allowing the moonlight to cast black shadows and white highlights over the port.

“He’s a good kid,” Dazai says with a grin as he looks up at the night sky. “I made a mistake by introducing you two. I should have known it wouldn’t lead to anything good.” 

“Hey, can I ask you something?” 

“What?”

“Why are you looking after him?”

I glance at Dazai, noticing his solemn expression.

“Why would you ask him for help? The agency surely doesn’t need any assistance tracing missing people. Plus, you could have just called him for that.”

I don’t say a word. It’s a difficult question.

“Would it maybe have something to do with this father of his you mentioned?”

I can’t help myself from turning to face him. 

“Thought so.”

Dazai smiles, taking note of my expression.

“…Rokuzo’s father was an accomplished police officer before he died,” I begin to explain reluctantly. “Some time ago, the agency worked together with the police to track down a certain criminal. He was a big shot—as bad as they come. He destroyed numerous national and corporate buildings. Even though the police were doing everything they could to find him, they just couldn’t trace the guy.”

“Are you talking about the Azure Banner Terrorist?” 

“Yes.”

It turned into a heinous case that shook the country, involving both the military and the police.

“After much time, our agency finally succeeded in finding his hideout, which we reported to the city police.”

“That’s amazing,” Dazai replies, impressed.

“Yeah, it was a big deal. However, at the time, the case was being handled by the military, the security police, and the city police as a joint effort, which caused mass confusion among the multiple chains of command. To make matters worse, the criminal got wind of what we were doing, so he barricaded himself in his hideout along with a large number of high-powered explosives.”

It’s all coming back to me. Conflicting orders coming from all directions—some telling us to arrest the target, some telling us to stand by…

“Because of the chaotic orders, only five detectives were able to promptly make it to the scene. They were told to rush in and neutralize the enemy at once… But what could five ordinary detectives, neither skill users nor special ops, hope to accomplish against the bloodthirsty Azure King?”

Not only that, but those on the ground have no way of grasping the situation in its entirety. If the higher-ups give orders to rush in, then that’s it.

“After being driven into a corner, the Azure King set off a bomb, killing himself…along with the five detectives.”

“…And one of those police officers happened to be Rokuzo’s father, huh?”

“Rokuzo lost his mother at a young age. It was just him and his father after that, and he seemed to really look up to the man.” I clench my fist. “I was the one who contacted the police and told them we found the terrorist’s hideout.”

If only I had contacted someone higher up on the chain of command… If only the detective agency had stormed the hideout with them…

“I as good as killed him.”

“No, you didn’t. It was the higher-ups at the police station who gave the orders, and besides, the criminal’s the one who blew himself up.”

“That may be true, but I doubt the lad sees it that way. He wouldn’t have tried getting revenge by hacking into the detective agency’s database otherwise.”

I suspect Rokuzo resents us. I’ve never asked him face-to-face, but… “Rokuzo’s father is gone, and nothing is going to change that. That’s why somebody needs to look out for him—keep him in line when he acts out. And I just happen to be in a position to do it. It’s a matter of convenience.”

“You’re a real romanticist, you know that?” Dazai’s snickering comes out sounding like a sigh. I’ve never considered myself to be a romanticist, nor do I really know what it means to be sentimental. However, my acquaintances do often describe me as such, though I can’t understand why. After all, this world is far from ideal.

A taxi stops in front of us while I ponder. The driver waves.

***

No two taxi drivers are the same. Some are upstanding people; some are sincere. Some know the side streets and shortcuts like the back of their hand, and some are expert motorists. You’ve also got your cheerful young taxi drivers, along with the more frugal ones who keep their eye on the meter at all times. There is no one answer to which is best, and everyone is rightfully entitled to their opinion. However, there is only one thing I hope for when I get inside a taxi.

“Well, long time no see, Detective Kunikida. We’re having such nice weather today, yes? It really is the perfect day for investigating. Your glasses really suit you; then again, they always do. When you’ve driven cabs for as long as I have, you start to notice who does and doesn’t look good in glasses. You can see if they’re refined, whether they come from good stock. And your glasses are very becoming! Yep, I guarantee it.”

“Please, could you shut up and just drive?”

Besides, how can you determine a person’s upbringing just from their glasses? Ridiculous… I am slightly curious, though.

“The best taxi drivers are the ones who don’t talk. Has nobody ever told you that before?”

“Never. In fact, the passengers never really tell me anything at all when I’m driving, since I’m talking the whole time.”

I know what they call a taxi driver like this: a chatterbox.

Dazai and I are taking the cab to our next destination for investigation. I look out the window to discover the absence of lights. Shadows from the sparsely distributed trees brush away the dim moonlight as they fade into the distance. Needless to say, it wasn’t a stroke of misfortune that we happened to get into this taxi. We specifically asked for this driver. Why?

To get information.

“Dazai, you know the missing-persons case I mentioned earlier?” 

“You mean the one Rokuzo’s looking into?”

“Precisely. Eleven people are missing so far. And this driver saw two of them right before they disappeared.”

I point at the small-framed individual driving the vehicle.

“All I did was drive them from the port to their hotel, though. One was a woman on vacation, while the other was a man in Yokohama on business.”

“Are you sure these are the two people you saw?”

I pull out a few pictures from my pocket. They’re all photos of the victims, taken by the hotel’s security camera. There are three types: when they’re entering the building, when they’re filling out the paperwork at the counter, and from the next day when they’re leaving the hotel.

“Yes, that’s them all right. They were wearing those same clothes. I drove them to this hotel, too.”

“Great. So, Kunikida, can you finally fill me in on the case’s details?” 

“…Very well.”

I then begin to summarize the case. About a month ago, a forty-two-year- old man was visiting Yokohama on business when he suddenly vanished. After tracing his footsteps, it became clear that he left the port, checked into the hotel, and went to town the next day. However, he never showed up to his work meeting, nor did he ever return home. His belongings were still in the hotel room, and he simply left of his own accord, disappearing without a trace.

A single traveler, a participant in a trade show—the other missing people vanished more or less the same way. From age to place of residence and workplace, none of the eleven victims has anything in common, barring that they all visited Yokohama alone. The city police are asking around town, trying to trace the victims’ footsteps after they left the hotel, but they’ve yet to find any witnesses. It’s as if these people disappeared like a puff of smoke.

The police are leaning toward the possibility of a kidnapping. However, there isn’t a single place in this massive city where someone could be abducted without any witnesses. What would be their objective anyway? None of the families has been threatened to pay a ransom or anything of the sort.

“The objective’s pretty clear if you ask me.”

Dazai, who had been quiet this entire time, suddenly speaks up with a merry note in his voice.

“Trade.”

“What?”

“I’m saying, somebody’s kidnapping these people and selling them. From what I’ve heard, it sounds like the missing people have all been healthy adults, right? Hearts, kidneys, corneas, lungs, livers, pancreases, bone marrow—I mean, they’d all be sold in foreign markets, so they’re not particularly valuable in terms of yen, but having eleven bodies is like stepping into a gold mine. If the criminal is acting alone, then I bet they’re sitting on a fortune.”

“I’ve heard about black markets like this before, but how do you know so much about them?”

I’m fairly sure the general public knows only what they see in movies or hear in stories.

“Oh, y’know, I just heard people talking about it at this dingy pub outside of town once.”

How convenient. A sketchy excuse at best. Then again, the very atoms that make up his body are suspect.

“…So you’re telling me the victims went to the buyer themselves? In the middle of their trip, they went out of their way to beg someone to buy their organs?”

“Yeah, you’re right. It doesn’t add up. I guess that means they just wanted to disappear for some reason? Maybe they met with a mediator who specializes in taking people and giving them new names and identities.”

“But then there should be witnesses or security footage proving they left town to meet with the mediator.”

“What if they went to a master of disguise to alter their appearance?” “Now that you mention it, I’ve heard of someone like that before! In show business, they have this technique that can change men into women. Like, first, they fill their cheeks with some sort of cotton to change the shape of their face, and then—”

“Nobody asked you.” I promptly cut off the driver before he launches into another one of his never-ending stories.

“Ah, I’ve got it! Look at this picture! They’re both wearing glasses, right? I found something they have in common! It’s the case of the Serial Disappearances of People with Glasses!”

I take a look. The victims are indeed wearing glasses: one with black frames and one with silver.

“This is your chance, Kunikida!”

“My chance to do what? Regardless, several of the victims weren’t wearing glasses, you know. So no, you didn’t find something they all have in common.”

If my memory serves me correctly, four of the other nine victims were wearing prescription glasses, two were wearing sunglasses, and three were wearing nothing at all.

“Tsk… Guess I’ll just have to come up with another way to use you as bait. I bet the criminal targets tourists. All right, Kunikida, slip on your rubber boots, throw on your backpack, put on your red-and-green-striped shirt, and start walking the town in your knickerbockers. Make sure to bring a giant camera with you to take pictures of everyone who walks by and say ‘Eh’ at the end of every sentence.”

“Like hell I will!” 

“‘Like hell I will, eh!’”

“You call that a strategy? That’s a terri—” 

“‘A terrible idea, eh?’”

“Stop guessing what I’m going to say!”

“Hmm? In that case, how about you get naked, put on a top hat, and ride around on a unicycle screaming what kind of girls you like?”

“We’re not even talking about the same thing anymore!”

“Hey, I have an idea, too, Detective Kunikida. How about you dress up like a clown and read—?”

“You stay out of this!”

Argh, the both of them! I’m slowly starting to lose my temper here. “Dazai! When are you going to start taking work seriously?! Get it together!”

“What? But I always take work seriously.”

I really hope that’s just a bad joke.

“Okay, how about this: Starting real soon, I vow to become a detective you can count on. I will carefully and thoroughly investigate, examine, and reach logical deductions based on evidence. After that, you’ll be so impressed that you’ll immediately allow me to start investigating on my own, and my amazing detective skills will bring a tear to your eye.” Dazai rattles on, trying to persuade me, but his babbling means little to me.

“And how soon is ‘real soon’?” 

“Right after we get out of this taxi.” 

Oh?

“Is that so?”

“Indeed it is. A suicide enthusiast does not back down on his word… Also, in return, if you don’t mind…”

I knew this was coming.

“What do you want? I’m not giving you a raise or easier work, if that’s what you’re after.”

“Oh, it’s nothing that extravagant. It’s just, well, something piqued my interest a little earlier…”

Dazai steadily gazes in the driver’s direction, his eyes brimming with curiosity.

“…Let me drive.”

***

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa! I am the wind!!”

“Wai— D-Dazai, stop the car! Stop the car this inst— Aaargh!” 

“GAAAAAAH!!”

“Blerrrgh…”

***

“Ta-daa! Here we are, safe and sound!”

“Never again… I’m never going to let you drive…ever again…!”

Dazai gallantly leaps out of the taxi as the door opens, while I stumble and almost fall on my face. The driver, on the other hand, is passed out in the passenger seat. He’s not getting up until morning, that’s for sure.

“Wait. Are you carsick? C’mon—pull yourself together.” I get the sudden urge to kill him.

Carsick is not the word for this. My legs are trembling so much that I can’t even stand. I have no sense of balance. I feel like some newborn herbivorous creature trying to stand on its own four wobbly legs for the first time. Not even the most rigorous martial arts training ever left me this exhausted.

“All right, then! Let’s get to work! I’m going to start taking things seriously just like I promised!”

There’s no way I could ask to rest now after the earful I gave him.

“The building mentioned in the e-mail is just up ahead… By the way, Kunikida, are you afraid of ghosts?”

“Ghosts? …Do you really think someone afraid of ghosts can work at the Armed Detective Agency? Guns and knives are much more of a threat than some mystical apparition.”

“Good. Because that’s apparently where we’re investigating.”

I turn to see what he’s pointing at, and I see a dilapidated black building standing in the bosom of the mountains. An abandoned hospital reeking of death and rot, shrouded in darkness, awaits us.

***

Why?

Why did we have to come here in the middle of the night? And on a night like this?

All living people fall ill. Just as there is no perfect mind, there is no perfect body. One would have to look no further than a hospital for proof. Everyone is born and dies in a hospital. One could say that hospitals act as the boundary between this world and the next—the dividing line between life and death. And a forgotten, decaying hospital is all the eerier.

Moonlight creeps in through the shattered windows, casting sapphire shadows of subtle grace over the rubble. Stagnant violet puddles resembling blood cover the floor, and out front are a bunch of spider lilies, their flowers a noxious shade of crimson.

“It’s dark… I can hardly see a thing.” 

“But isn’t that half the fun?”

As I drag my feet along the abandoned hospital’s hallway floor, Dazai casually skips past me. The rotten walls are crumbling while old wires dangle from the ceiling. The window frames are missing, most of the equipment has been stolen, and the hospital’s rooms are now nothing more than homes for insects. Who would ever willingly come to a place like this?

“The client requests that we find the source of the light and noise coming from somewhere here every night. There’s no telling what might happen, so don’t let your guard down.”

“Sure… But, Kunikida, don’t you think you’re being a little too cautious?”

I glare at Dazai. “Only a fool underestimates the enemy. Being a member of our agency means to always expect the worst and act accordingly.”

Lowering my center of gravity just to be even more careful, I prepare for a surprise attack while advancing down the hall.

“Are you scared?”

“I-I’m n-n-not scared, you idiot!”

“Then let’s hurry up and get this over with.”

“Don’t be stupid. In movies like this, the first characters to get themselves killed are the careless ones who get carried away and run up ahead.”

“And what kind of movie are we in?”

“Just shut up and take the lead. I’ll keep an eye on the rear.”

“Are you only saying that because you don’t want to be in the—? Oh, wait. You said it was because it was too dark to see anything. Have you considered using a flashlight or something?”

I have. In fact, I would love to be able to have some light, but…

“If there really is somebody here, they’re most likely going to run away if they see our lights. We’re going to have to rely on the moonlight to get by.”

“If you say so.”

We travel through the darkness. The building creaks against the strong winds. I hear the sound of water dripping. Not only are there no private houses around this hospital, there aren’t any buildings at all. Only the hills and vast woods watch over us as the pitch-black trees howl in the blustering wind.

I think back to the client’s e-mail. ‘Neighboring residents’? There isn’t a place fit to live for miles from here. The only nearby inhabitants are foxes and bears.

—So just who is this client?

—Why wasn’t there a name?

—Perhaps the client really is a vengeful spirit?

Dazai’s words spring to mind.

Nothing but darkness in every single direction. The howling wind blowing through the building’s cracks is reminiscent of a woman’s sobs.

…………

I don’t believe in ghosts. I teach algebra, and I’m a believer in the sciences. Vengeful spirits appearing to kill the living is nothing more than a delusion created by a fear of the dark—the unknown.

…………

I’m not afraid, I’m not shaking, and I’m not crying, either! 

“Ghost!!”

Gyaaah!!

Dazai’s sudden shrieking from up ahead causes my heart to skip a beat. He turns around, staring at me with his mouth opened wide. Then, after getting a good look at me, he slowly but surely begins to grin.

That bastard…!

“I’m going to fire you for that!”

“Aw c’mon, you just looked so nervous that I wanted to take your mind off things.”

“Go to hell!”

I hurry ahead and push past him. Damn it. It’s dark. I can’t see a thing. Eyes peering from the shadows, sighing coming from empty space: It’s so dark that my mind’s starting to play tricks on me.

Dark.

So dark.

I can’t take it anymore.

“The Matchless Poet: Flashliiight!!” 

Let there be light.

***

After examining the inside of the abandoned hospital, it becomes clear that people have been coming here. There are scuff marks on the floor from a cart of some sort, footprints left from leather shoes, and threads from clothes. But it still isn’t clear if this is evidence left by someone who sneaks in here every night or just the remnants of past lootings. I illuminate my surroundings with the flashlight I created, but it’s not enough to eliminate the overpowering darkness and its hold over the hospital.

I am quite literally groping in the dark. The ocean of nothingness engulfs my feet as I light up the path before me, but casting the flashlight across my feet only throws the path forward into shadow. I timidly move forward, yet I still find nothing of importance.

“Looks like someone was just playing a prank. C’mon, let’s head home,” Dazai says as he turns on his heel, finally weary of this.

“Hold on. What happened to ‘Carefully and thoroughly investigating, examining, and reaching logical deductions’? Calling it quits already? We need to find more evidence bef—”

“That won’t be necessary. Here, check this out.”

He picks up a black cord with both ends disappearing into the floor…

Wait.

“Is that…an electrical wire?”

And a rather new one, at that. It’s obviously different from the interior wiring originally used in this old run-down hospital. This wire must have been installed within the past few months.

“We’ll just follow this wire, and…”

Dazai draws in the wire while following it to its source. It was cleverly hidden, but we eventually find what’s at the other end. He lifts it up.

“Hmm… Looks like a movie camera. Somebody must have secretly installed it here, and I bet this isn’t the only one. Clearly, the client sent us a fake job offer so he could get you here and film you crying because you’re afraid of ghosts. What a nasty person.”

“I-I’m not crying!”

“You’re right—only a baby would be afraid of a dark building.” 

“……”

“Besides, a spirit haunting a hospital wouldn’t be so gutsy. They died of an illness, right? I mean, if some kind of accident did them in, then they’d be haunting wherever it happened, after all. A ghost who died from illness wouldn’t have the courage to kill anyone. At the very worst, they’d just be filled with regret. Their line would be something like ‘I didn’t wanna diiie.’ Can you believe it, though? The lucky dog died, and here they are complaining!”

“Dazai… Hey… Th-that’s enough…”

You’re gonna piss off a vengeful spirit.

“Like, if there’s gonna be an angry ghost, then it needs to be a skinny woman who died from pulmonary tuberculosis—all skin and bones, y’know? And she’s gotta have wet, disheveled hair covering her face and say something like ‘It’s not fair. Why do you get to live and not me? Save me from the grip of this darknessss! Save me from this paaain! Ah, it hurts! My blood, my bones, my flesh, my entrails…! Raaahhh!!’”

“Heeeeeelp!!”

At the sudden high-pitched scream, my heart jumps into my throat and nearly out of my mouth, too. But not a moment later, as I’m drenched in a cold sweat, I realize:

That scream came from a living person.

“Did you hear that…?”

“It came from over there! Follow me!”

Unable to wait for Dazai, I dash down the rotting hall, rush down the staircase as quickly as possible, then race down the hallway, kicking up gravel all the while. Following the direction of the scream, I end up in the basement.

The ceiling is falling apart, just like the deteriorating walls. The boiler room, medicine room, radiography room, and the morgue run along the hallway. Following the voice, I plunge into the old boiler room.

I found her!

A woman’s right hand swiftly emerges out of the large water tank, struggling desperately. I race over and peer inside to find a young woman submerged, dressed in only her underwear. Her opposite arm is cuffed to a handle at the bottom to keep her from getting out. She’s going to drown if I don’t do something!

“The hell—?!”

“We have to get these off!” Dazai shouts as he grabs on to some iron bars. They lie across the top of the water tank normally used for laundry, preventing the woman from escaping. I grab the bars with both hands and pull with everything I’ve got, but they hardly even budge, as if there is some sort of lock. My eyes meet her dark-brown ones, opened as wide as could be. They hopelessly plead with mine: Help me.

“We’re going to save you! Move closer to the edge of the tank!”

I wave my hand, instructing her to move. She presses her back against the wall and curls her body as if she got the message. Then I take out the gun strapped to my waist, remove the safety, and aim it at the water tank’s outer wall.

“Get back, Dazai!”

I angle the pistol in a way so that no bullets would ricochet and hit the woman inside. After that, I shoot three bullets into the outside wall, piercing and cracking the tank. Water spews out.

Facing the fissures, I spin into an ax kick. The momentum buries my heel into the earthenware and mortar outer wall, shattering it with a single strike. Gallons of water instantly escape from the large hole.

“Cough… Cough, cough!”

She ravenously gasps for air after the water finally drains enough to expose her face. It looks like we made it in time. Dazai rotates the large faucet handle, shutting off the water supply.

“Are you okay?”

I reach through the iron bars, offering a handkerchief. Her fingers tremble as she grabs it.

“Someone tried to drown you… Did you see who it was?” Dazai asks.

After a fit of coughing, the victim finally speaks up, still breathing heavily.

“I was…kidnapped. I was visiting Yokohama on business one day until I suddenly lost consciousness… Next thing I knew, I was here.”

Dazai and I exchange glances.

***

With Dazai’s help, we break the iron bars and remove her handcuffs to complete the rescue. The bars were triple locked with cylinder locks, so I had no choice but to use the butt of my gun to break them.

“My name is Nobuko Sasaki. I teach at a university in Tokyo. I was visiting Yokohama and suddenly lost consciousness…and when I woke up, I was here.”

Even while pale and dripping wet, Miss Sasaki courageously explains what happened to her.

“Miss Sasaki, do you know how many days ago you were kidnapped?”

“I apologize… I can’t say for sure, since I was unconscious for so long… However, judging by how I feel and how hungry I am, I would say it hasn’t been any longer than two or three days…”

The first victim in the Yokohama missing-persons case disappeared thirty- five days ago, and the eleventh victim, seven. If her assumption is correct, then there is a high possibility she’s a victim we didn’t know about.

“…………”

Deep in thought, Dazai keeps silent with his arms crossed.

Miss Sasaki is a slightly thin woman with long black hair. She appears to be around the same age as me. She’s trembling, and understandably so. The kidnapper must have stripped her of everything but her underwear. Aside from Dazai’s overcoat, she’s nearly naked and soaking wet in the middle of the night.

Her hands tightly wrapped around her elbows and her legs stretched out on the floor are especially delicate. The clothes clinging to her body sketch the outline of an alluring figure. I feel almost as if I could see through her remarkably fine porcelain skin. Wet hair clings to her nape as water drips onto her chest. I avert my gaze for absolutely no reason.

“More importantly, there are others trapped here, too! I heard them screaming.”

“What?!”

The other missing people are here, too? Were they being kept prisoner in this building after being kidnapped as well?

“I’ll take you to them! Follow me.” The woman staggers to her feet and turns around.

But…

“…Wait.” I place a hand on Miss Sasaki’s shoulder, stopping her. “Dazai, what do you think?”

“The way she’s dressed makes me feel things,” he says with a straight face.

“Be serious!”

“…Her story’s too good to be true,” Dazai replies, this time crossing his arms. “It’s just too convenient. We came here to investigate a mysterious light and strange voices, and we just happen to find a victim from the missing-persons case? These two cases are separate, completely unrelated, except for the fact that they’re our cases… Miss Sasaki, when was the last time you saw the criminal?”

“I’m sorry, but I never actually saw anyone. When I woke up, the tank was already being filled with water, almost covering my face. I suspect the kidnapper turned on the faucet and left five or so minutes before I woke up.”

That must have been when she screamed. What unbelievable timing. “Then that’d mean the criminal was here up until a few moments ago, and I highly doubt they didn’t notice us coming. So the question is: Why’d they do it?”

“Perhaps they heard us coming, so they panicked. Or perhaps…” It’s all an elaborate trap.

But for us to run away in fear of a trap is out of the question. If there’s a high chance the other missing people are here, then there’s no way we can turn back now.

“Thirty-five days have already passed since the first victim was kidnapped. If they’re being kept here, then they don’t have much longer. Dazai, I want you to keep her safe and follow me.” I walk down the hallway, my gun in hand.

After contacting the city police just in case, we follow Miss Sasaki until she guides us to the morgue. Corpses are quite valuable, so the doors are sturdier than normal to protect from theft. The iron door is latched shut. It’s the perfect place to confine someone. I make sure it’s not booby-trapped before breaking the lock and rushing into the room.

With one hand over the other, I point the gun and flashlight forward. Wall to wall, the morgue is around thirty-five feet long and dreadfully dark. The room is almost completely bare, most everything having been moved or stolen. All that’s left are a stretcher with bent legs, a ripped body bag, and the lockers on the walls. Nothing else. Nobody dead or alive… Wait.

Something in the back of the room moved in reaction to the light. I shine my flashlight in its direction.

“Hel…p…us…”

The room isn’t empty. There are four people bunched in an iron cage against the wall, wearing only their underwear, just like Miss Sasaki.

“Where am I?”

“I heard a woman scream… What’s going on?”

“There’s no need to worry. We’re here to save you. We already saved the woman you heard screaming. Is anyone hurt?”

“N-no, we’re fine. But where are we? And why are we here?”

I get closer. Attached to the wall opposite the entrance is a metal cage made to transport wild animals. It would be hard to unfasten with the tools I have in hand. The cage’s structure itself is simple but extremely strong. Undoubtedly, much time would be needed to break it open.

“Hmm… An electronic lock, huh?” Dazai approaches the lock for further inspection. “Is it password protected? Or maybe biometric authentication? Or maybe it’s voice controlled? …‘Open sesame’! ‘Flash and thunder’! ‘Mine has been a life of much shame’! Hmm… That didn’t work. Guess we’ll just have to break it open.”

What on earth was that last line?

“If we want to break it, we’ll probably have to start with this—”

The moment Dazai goes to touch the lock pad, Miss Sasaki lets out a piercing scream.

“Don’t touch the lock!”

Dazai turns around in astonishment. A red light flashes on the lock pad. The sound of metal dropping echoes from the floor above, and I hear something opening. Milky-white gas shoots into the cage. After I instinctively rush over, my eyes and throat violently burn with lancinating pain. The caged victims let out bloodcurdling screams.

“It’s poison gas!!”

The extreme pain causes tears to well in my eyes. I can hardly see a thing. It’s all a blur, as if everything is dancing before me. I may have accidentally breathed in some of the gas, but that doesn’t mean I can abandon these people. I place a hand on the cage.

“Get back! It’s too late!”

Somebody grabs me by the arm and pulls me back.

Don’t you dare tell me what I can and can’t do. I have to save them. The victims must not die. That’s the ideal. That’s the way the world should be.

“Kunikida, hurry!” Dazai yells to me from behind.

No. This isn’t right.

“No!” Miss Sasaki wraps me in her arms, stopping me.

Why? Why are you holding me back? Nobody deserves to die. I won’t let them.

Dazai drags me out of the room. 

All I remember is screaming something. 

All four victims are dead.

***

[raeloganthesonic06fangirl]

Went to the dentist to get the crowns for my busted teeth put in today, and we stopped by Walmart to grab some things and I decided to celebrate getting my teeth better by grabbing something cute ((and some toiletries I need as well as some clothes stuff I needed replaced because I'm an adult and I need to make smart purchases sometimes)) from the store since I got my payday too, and I found this adorable elephant that someone put on the wrong shelf

Very soft, almost squishy like a Squishmallow

[gugf]

This is how I imagine Hox and Wolf met for the first time

[commence-screaming]

waait au where the gang wasnt able to steal the box in time and garrett traded it for bain…..how wohld that play out…..

Ahhhh, you again. A repeat offender ♥️

What this cool anon is referring to are these emails, the coded ones involving a sketchy deal between the Kataru and Solomon Garrett (that guy you can’t kill in Breakin’ Feds 😔)

The Congressman they’re talking about is the Elephant, who gets thrown into jail off-screen. So these are the emails that lead the gang to steal that box from Garrett, but what if they fail? What if they can’t crack the code in time? As you probably know, the PAYDAY timeline runs along line the release dates.

Bain was going to be traded soon after the Elephant was put into prison, and we see him here in Henry’s Rock just a few days later.

(NEW THEORY the room we see is a temporary holding room for Bain because the Kataru were going to trade him, and being on an island off the coast of Oregon? Not the best place to trade someone)

(Bro is in the Dentist’s office, worst place to be tbh)

Remember that this is in April, which is a full 6 months before Bain would be rescued within canon.

I think that Bain would have his clothes taken and exchanged. He’d be strapped to a hospital bed to recover a bit and have psychologists come in to evaluate his mental state. Garrett is the type to do things for the greater good, so what if he wanted Bain to actually stand trial? I’m sure that Bain couldn’t do that so soon because it looks like someone shattered glass over Bain’s knees…

I also think that the crew would have an easier time rescuing him than they did in canon. There’s also a real possibility that the news would get ahold of Bain’s mugshot if he recovered enough to have one, so this is a timed thing. If Bain is stabilized enough to get out of the hospital and sent for processing then it’s gonna be bad, bad enough to where Hoxton would sympathize with Bain on having his face on every channel and screen.

If Bain would have recovered enough within a few days then he’d be put into an interrogation room and yelled at. No way that would be enough for him to crack, though. Even while handcuffed to a table, Bain is still intimidating; especially to people who know nothing about him. Garrett would stick around to make sure the police aren’t doing anything illegal like beating him… although he might conveniently “take a break” if he believes it’s for the best. I guess that shows that the Dentist and Garrett are similar despite being on opposite sides of the law.

When they break in, Bain wouldn’t be able to walk on his own; he’d sling an arm around a crew member and lean on them. Bain’s happy to meet his gang for the first time but he’s also in mission mode, no nonsense. Bain tells them that their situation is bad because the Kataru have all three coffers :) then they’d burn all the evidence and escape.

So almost directly afterwards they gotta do Henry’s Rock and Shacklethorne while Bain’s stitches heal (hooray, free medical from tax payerssss) so the Kataru don’t have a chance to split everything up or send a ton of mercenaries to that base.

Hope that answered it! Very good thought question, I love it to ramble about those types of things 😄

[artcupcakes]

Okay okay. stop me if I’m wrong. We don’t know what makes the Kings get their titles except that it probably has something to do with the Kataru. (And that a fourth is mentioned but not expanded on) I haven’t done the Secret so bear with me here!

Watchers are apparently aliens that have come to take over the world,,,? What does that make Bain then?

Remember the origin story in that outfit description that one anon mentioned?? Yeah it says “in the late 1960’s, a man was born”

WHICH WHAT. Hold on but he’s a Watcher and Watchers are supposed to be aliens?? But this says he was born???

Why did the Kataru experiment on Bain? Could’ve been anybody else, but they chose him. NEVER EXPLAINED. Bain has an alien bloodline or something, I swear. This might’ve been the reason why. (Side note: stealth Big Bank, Bain mentions that his grandfather used to go heisting, so def born)

Even in the Safehouse, Dallas questions if the virus was really what gave Bain his whole power boost thing.

What if we redefine Kings as the highest rank in Kataru you can have? Bain being the Elephant’s Watcher doesn’t make sense lore-wise. Wiki says that Duke has a voice line that alludes to him being trained for it, though I can’t confirm whether this is true. (Are the Kings immortal or what? Do they reincarnate every so often??)

(Duke’s grandfather had a hand in all this Kataru stuff, I remember that they used to be a benevolent organization before they defected and became Kataru? Description in one of the heists says, when I find it again I’ll refer. The tape Bain left behind DOES mention it being Duke’s family issues and such)

Him being the Elephant’s Watcher won’t fly because! He’s rude when he talks about him. The description of the mentor sounds a lot more like someone he’d look up to? Also the Elephant betrayed the PAYDAY gang, so there’s that.

And if Bain is the PAYDAY gang’s Watcher. Maybe he’s using them to take over the world? If the team took down the Dentist (a King) then they would be more than worthy to hold that title, with the whole relic box and all.

Him being an alien (and your Watcher) would explain a few things: his protectiveness over his gang, “you better not be messing with my crew!” (Alaskan Deal, he probably hadn’t contacted Locke by that point. Because why would the next heist have happened if that were the case?)

him seemingly being able to communicate with them no matter the circumstances, (EMP bomb, Boiling Point. Bain is able to talk to you AND see through your eyes. How else would he know about the lead scientist?) in all of the trailers and live action stuff, the gang is never shown to be speaking to Bain. Verbally, that is. CANONICALLY in the side comic (on their official website) Bain is shown to be talking to them outside of a heist,,,on Dallas’ smartphone. What is that??? (And it’s not like they were to lazy to model earpieces onto the heisters, the Train Heist guards have them)

him marking things for you through walls, especially when he said (Diamond Heist Classic on Loud) “the CFO thinks he’s clever, but he can’t hide from me.” MARKING HIM WHEREVER HE IS. Bain is psychic somehow, if you take the briefcase early in Boiling Point, sometimes he will ask you if you are psychic. No really! This is one of the things that tipped me off about it.

his near omnipresence, during times he’s taken off-guard, he’s always there for you? (Goat Simulator Day 2, nothing was supposed to happen)

his near omniscience, yeah you’re totally a normal person Mr. I-Don’t-Know-Where-The-Vault-Is-Try-Moving-Bookshelves. (Framing Frame Day 3)

and him putting his team’s life above his own. If he was your Watcher, that would make so much sense. He’s getting attacked while you’re in the van already and he wants to ‘get you guys out of there’???Curiously, I think OVKS changed the dialogue for the “Cutting the Red Wire” achievement? Earlier recordings has Bain congratulating you for defusing the C4, but now? He sounds very worried about you??

There is definitely something weird about the Paygang, actually. Mind Control? Defying Death itself? Completely normal. “Your persuasion tactics were resisted,” and then you can convert the same officer once you have a slot open. (Not to mention that they curse at you then fight their comrades for your sake?) let’s not talk about the regenerating armor or anything, run-of-the-mill everyday stuff y’know? (no wonder they’re feared by the government, and how they never get caught)

The only crew voice lines that refer specifically to Bain (besides the tutorials, where Dallas treats him like he’s a servant) is them being worried/afraid over their navigator not being able to guide them. This is either a severe case of dependence or?

All in all, I just want to say. The PAYDAY Gang are collectively the fourth King, and Bain is their Watcher. They’re also psychic and he’s probably an alien. (his dad is the alien from Shacklethorne Auction, lol jkjk)

But that’s just my opinion.

(besides the tutorials, where Dallas treats him like he’s a servant) Listen, he's just being extra careful. It's been like two years.

Also pretty sure it's implied somewhere that the alien boios are dead(Well almost but let's not talk about the Shacklethorne Auction). But they did gift the three kings a form of immortality alongside their watchers.

Honestly you just have a case for Bain having supernatural powers more than alien heritage in my opinion. I mean things like the sixth sense skill and the Halloween stuff already have some implication on this kind of stuff.

However I still like your fourth king theory as it's pretty fun if anything. Even if I think it has a couple of holes in it here and there.

There's also a joke about parasocial relationships with Bain but idk how I'd word it XD

[vintagepromotions]

‘Can’t Get Enough Peanuts?’

PayDay candy bar Halloween advertisement (1999).

[darkdefender420]

[taxi-davis]

[manekinoodle]

Can the heisters everyone else play chess? (3/3)

Twitch: He's extremely impatient, so it's not really his thing. Something he can blitz through like backgammon is better. (Driving games are off the table.)

Bile: He can, but doesn't enjoy chess all that much. It takes too much time and he's almost always on the clock.

Alex: He's a terrible pilot, but he's a great chess player. His dream was initially to become a chess grandmaster...

Aldstone: He taught young Hoxton how to play, but he's always so busy cleaning up the messes of 20-something people that he can't sit down for a good game often these days.

Bobblehead Bob: When Bonnie's too damn drunk to play chess, she sends in Bobblehead Bob in her stead. He is terrible at chess. Bonnie is an idiot.

Bain: He plays mail chess with some of the heisters, most notably Chains. All the games are messy because everyone forgets what their strategy was when it it's their turn again. The moves are left around like Gage packages, so sometimes they get lost as well. Just play over a certain social media platform like everyone else!

Vlad: He can, but just... don't. Don't do it, you'll come out with no hair or underwear.

The Elephant: He can. He could. Just be prepared to hole up in his office for a week because this shit is slow, serious and will probably end in violence.

The Dentist (sorry): He might be a tactical genius and know every game under the sun, but HE HATES CHESS. He would rather play Monopoly over this. Please.

Locke: He loves his online chess and taught Joy how to play. Some of the heisters play online chess with him too! Nerds out a little over the specific techniques.