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queenshelby · 1 year

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Our Little Secret (Part Ten)

Pairing: Dark! Cillian Murphy x Virgin! Reader

Warning: Infidelity, Brief Mention of Stillbirth

Notes: This will not be a love story. It will be dark, twisted and kinky. Cillian is portrayed as totally off cannon.

With your head over the toilet bowl, you violently threw up everything that had settled in your stomach earlier. After a few minutes, you stood up weakly, leaning against the wall and sighed.

You really did not want Cillian to see you like this but, since you were staying at his and Danielle's house, hiding from him was not really an option.

Eventually, you retreated from the bathroom and your cheeks flushed crimson as you caught sight of him watching you intently, concern etched on his face.

Suddenly aware of your appearance, you quickly glanced downward, hoping to find some sort of cover—only to discover that you hadn’t changed since last night.

"Are you okay?" Cillian persisted gently, stepping closer despite your attempts to remain distant. His voice held genuine worry, making it impossible for you to resist.

"Yes. I think I may have eaten something wrong last night," you responded, avoiding eye contact. Cillian studied your pale complexion with concern. Involuntarily, his hand reached out towards yours, brushing his fingers delicately over your arm.

"Do you want me to make you a tea?"

asked Cillian, offering a slight smile. His offer brought relief as you immediately realized the need for hydration. Despite feeling embarrassed, you hesitatingly nodded, grateful for his support.

Cillian swiftly prepared a hot cup of chamomile tea and handed it to you while Frank and your mother were in the guestroom, getting dressed for the day.

As you clutched the teacup, you gave him a small thankful smile. He returned the gesture with understanding, his eyes conveying sympathy.

Unable to contain his curiosity though as to whether there could be other reasons for your nausea though, he cautiously probed further.

"This might sound a bit weird, but you couldn't possibly be pregnant, right?" he whispered nervously your eyes shot wide in shock, almost knocking over the now empty cup in your hands.

"Pregnant?" you laughed scornfully, dismissing the idea.

"Well, we had sex on numerous occasions, so I was just wondering whether, you know, it could be a possibility?" Cillian confessed sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"I am on the pill, Cillian," you chuckled faintly, but inside you felt uneasy. Your heart raced faster than usual. Could it be possible? Nah, it can't be true. You reminded yourself sternly. You forced a brave smile, determined not to let this change your mood today.

After hearing you confirm that you used birth control regularly, he appeared visibly relieved and quickly moved on to another topic.

Meanwhile, Danielle finally emerged from the bedroom, yawning widely as she stretched her arms above her head. Her tousled blonde hair fell over one shoulder and, just as she approached you both, Cillian instinctively turned his attention elsewhere, unable to meet her gaze directly.

Her face bore traces of fatigue but beneath those tired features lay simmering resentment, barely concealed by polite conversation. It was clear that she sensed the growing distance between herself and Cillian lately, and she desperately wanted answers.

Unbeknownst to you and Cillian, the answers she sought were soon to be found - but they weren't going to be pleasant ones.

Later that day…

Hours later, Cillian and Danielle arrived back at their house in Dublin following their weekend trip to Cork with you, Sarah and Frank.

While Cillian spent some time playing with Max, Danielle unpacked their suitcase and hung-up their clothes in the bedroom. Upon hanging up Cillian's suit however, she noticed something unusual. There was something in his suit pocket.

Reaching inside to retrieve whatever it was, Danielle froze. Her heart skipped a beat, recognizing what she held in her trembling fingers—a small, delicate item. A black pair of lace underwear which clearly did not belong to her.

Confused and deeply troubled, Danielle struggled to reconcile the discovery with her knowledge of her husband's whereabouts during their getaway. He had worn this suit at his aunt's funeral and Danielle began to wonder whether he had slipped out without telling her, engaging in an illicit encounter elsewhere.

But with whom? Who could he possibly have slept with in Cork, and why would he leave such evidence lying around, virtually ensuring its discovery? Had he simply forgotten to remove them after his last dalliance?

These questions swam rapidly through Danielle's panicked mind, leaving her increasingly anxious and distraught. Involuntary tears filled her eyes, brimming with rage and hurt.

She felt betrayed beyond measure, and her husband's infidelity hit her hard this time after he had promised her so many times that he would stop cheating on her.

Suddenly, the walls surrounding their fragile connection appeared thin and vulnerable and everything fell apart in front of her very eyes.

Their marriage was built upon lies and deceits and she knew that a lot of this was her fault as she had pushed him away for so long. He had become like this because of her.

With that in mind, she clutched the lacy garment tightly in her hands, refusing to let go despite the pain throbbing through her knuckles.

She needed to know who he had been with while they were away and decided to confront her husband about it.

Danielle stormed down the hallway, intent on seeking answers from Cillian. Unbeknownst to her, he had seen the change in her demeanor from afar and feared the worst.

She called him inside, gesturing him closer with sharp motions of her hand. Trepidation welled up in him, gnawing at his insides as he approached her. Standing before her, he steeled himself against the impending confrontation.

Her voice quivered with anger and hurt as she demanded, "Whose are these?"

She flung the lace undergarments at him, watching as they fluttered elegantly through the air before landing crumpled on the floor.

Fear constricting his chest, Cillian found himself speechless, unsure of how to respond.

Finally, he managed to squeak out, "That's none of your business."

"Don't lie to me, Cillian. Whose are those?" Danielle growled, pointing accusingly at the scattered undergarments on the ground. Frustration boiled beneath her skin, threatening to spill forth into violence.

Cillian hesitated momentarily, weighing his options carefully. He could either come clean about his affair or continue denying, further damaging his relationship with Danielle. With regret, he chose honesty.

"They belong to someone I slept with," he confessed solemnly, his gaze cast low.

"So you keep them as a fucking trophy?" Danielle spat venomously, her usually gentle features contorted in anger.

Cillian winced at her harsh tone, shrinking under her fiery glare. He felt trapped, unable to find a suitable response. His mind raced wildly, desperately searching for a way to justify his actions – or perhaps escape them altogether.

"Who is she Cillian? Tell me!" Danielle yelled, frustrated by his evasiveness.

"No one you know," he lied

weakly, stumbling over his words. His voice wavered uncertainly, failing to meet her seething gaze. "Please believe me, it means nothing..."

Danielle laughed incredulously, the sound sharp and mocking. "Oh please, spare me the bullshit," she snapped, regaining control of herself. "You think I'm stupid enough to fall for that? You slept with someone else while we were in Cork and I know everyone who came to the funeral, so fucking tell me already who she is!" Danielle demanded. Anger mixed with jealousy coursing through her veins, igniting her temper more than ever as, suddenly, she became aggressive and threatening, grabbing hold of his arm roughly.

"Stop, Danielle! You aren't well right now, and getting angry isn't going to solve our problems," Cillian attempted to reason with her, trying to calm her down before they escalated matters further as, it would not have been the first time that she became abusive. Her anger occasionally caused her to become violent and aggressive, which was yet another reason Cillian knew to stay, for Max's sake.

Cillian's comment, however, only made her angrier and she turned towards him menacingly.

"Tell me who the fuck she is! Now!" Danielle shouted, her voice growing hoarse with fury and Cillian winced, his eyes widening fearfully.

She continued, raising her voice higher, "If you won't tell me, then I will make sure every person who knows us finds out about your indiscretions and the lies of our fucking marriage. Do you want that?" Her breath came faster and deeper, indicating she might be capable of carrying out her threat.

"I can't remember her name. She was a waitress at the restaurant we went to following the funeral," he lied again, attempting to cover his tracks.

Despite his attempts at misdirection, Danielle refused to give up. "Then describe her," she ordered curtly, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

Caught off guard, Cillian hesitated, mentally scrambling for details. "She had dark brown hair, maybe shoulder length, and hazel eyes. She wore a uniform – a white blouse and a black skirt." He tried to recollect as much as possible, hoping it would satisfy her demands and, luckily for him, she nodded slowly, seemingly accepting his answer, though there was doubt lingering within her eyes and she decided to hang onto the lace underwear, just in case with a view to bring it to Sarah’s attention.

In recent days, Sarah had become close to Danielle and since Sarah was in Cork as well, with Cillian’s brother Frank and you, Danielle believed that, maybe, she came to notice something.

Tags:

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#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x you

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amchara · 2 years

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Info from Cassie's Dublin Event

So, I bought an online ticket to Cassie's Dublin chat from earlier this week, and listened to it this evening while doing some chores. It's a really decent one- lots of Chain of Thorns discussions and the moderation was fairly tight. Very enjoyable to listen to! I've typed up a few of the Q&As - and one of the moderator questions from right at the beginning, and then the last few. I may go back and grab a few more but this is all I'm typing up tonight.

Also, she all but confirmed who the novella is going to be about. Spoilers and such below the read more. Questions are answered about potential dark Chain of Thorns alternate ending, Adult POV Shadowhunter books, potential Malcolm and Annabel story, most interesting villain / hero who would make a great villain, Matthew and Tessa happy endings.

Okay, as we probably all knew/predicted: Yes, it's going to be a Matthew novella. Cassie definitely confirmed it's going to be about him. Maybe visiting some of the other characters and popping in. Probably not Jordelia in Constantinople because she wants them to have a sweet honeymoon and nothing bad to happen to them and novella's require conflict. Maybe an online short though- like she's written before.

Okay, on to the questions-

After the pandemic - you changed your mind about certain characters and events in Chain of Thorns. For the better, for the worse?

I mean, I think for the better. I hope. It was very very early on in the pandemic and… I had been thinking- goin back and forth in my mind, between various potential endings. As I always do, when I’m plotting anything. For TLH, I remember thinking at some point, I could not write as bleak an ending, I had- I usually have endings ranging from all sorts of things happening. And I remember a few things that made it- at one point thought of an incredibly bleak ending. But then decide that didn’t make any sense. Because if everyone in TLH were to die, I did not understand how Will and Tessa could go on to have any semblance of a happy life. They both would’ve been traumatised forever. Tessa as we know her in the present would not be the person she is, so it didn’t really make sense. So I booted it. And then, there was still some thoughts I had- I don’t know, the transient tragic effects of time, everything vanishes, everyone dies eventually, and I thought, you know what- we got that in TID and that is not what I want to be thinking about and writing about right now. I want to think about human resilience and love and the good things in life and boy- it was a uniquely bleak experience - not that unique anymore, one day we were working around with many other people or in school and then you’re completely alone, and you don’t know for how long. Doing all the work by yourself, and that’s the experience I had.

---

Older characters taking central roles in future books?

Understand why you want to see it but it’s not YA and you can have a little bit of older characters, like I had to fight really hard to get Diana’s viewpoint in TDA because she’s like 25 and that’s too old. A question of genre you’re writing. And if you’re writing YA I can’t see a lot of ways you can have a lot of adult characters doing a lot of stuff because core and point of YA that this is about Young Adults who have the agency and direction and are doing and are responsible for making the choices and if there are adults around, those adults will sit on those kids. And will prevent them from making those choices because its the adult’s job to protect kids. So it is a really hard line to walk. In having those parents in the Last Hours I had to be very careful about the amount we saw of them and the amount that they could affect what was going on. They were away or their will was restrained in some manner or they didn’t know what was going on because if they did, they would step in and take over.

And I think the way to do what you’re asking, is to do adult Shadowhunters books. And there’s no reason not to do that. It’s absolutely possible to write adult shadowhunters books that exist in the realm of adult fantasy. Always thought interesting to follow Clary and Jace or Will and Tessa and do an adult book that talks about them as adults and has them as the forward facing characters and that would be something I would be very interested in doing. I do think it would be adult though. (Which we know means spicy). My publisher is like ehhhh (joking)

Would you ever write a novella about Malcolm and Annabel?

That seems really fun, all the things I like - doomed love and bad weather. I have thought about it. Glad at least one person would like to read it because not everyone as into doomed love and bad weather as I am. We know a lot of details about relationship and their lives and I feel it would be fun to see that. Writing Malcolm in TLH was such strange experience because we know Malcolm from TDA, he’s a bad guy, a murderer, a betrayer, a multiple murderer and generally not good. But in TLH this is Malcolm before all that, he was a good guy and now- I have written good people turned bad, but to write someone as good before bad and not even pretending/faking was really interesting and had me thinking a lot more about his relationship with Annabel and what that obsessive love did in terms of being a very good force in his love and then a bad one. Very interesting.

Which fav villain to write and which of our stereotypical heroes to write would make an excellent villain (Me: It’s Julian- why are we even pretending about this?)

Sebastian was fav because what makes a villain interesting in a lot of ways is how close they are to your heroes, and he was Clary’s brother! And he was a loathsome individual but he was really interesting to write especially because if he hadn’t been given demon blood as a child, might’ve been decent person and we see at end of book that there could’ve been alternate timeline where he wasn’t villain and just Clary’s brother. And that was really interesting, I had the most fun with him.

Audience member: I think Magnus

Oh my god, that’s such a sad thought! Poor Alec, what is he gonna tell the kids- Dad’s gone evil? I can’t even think about that, not that I don’t think he wouldn’t be a good villain, very inventive and powerful so would be terrifying villain. I think, if you know about TWP and read TDA, we’re going to see Jace as a villain. So I have been working on that and he makes an excellent villain because he all these qualities - he’s determined, never gives up, if he wants something, will make sure he gets it, terrifying villain. Super strong and all that- and these qualities making him a good hero also make him a scary villain. Look forward to it.

Is it possible for Matthew to have a happy ending in his life?

Very sweet question. Matthew is based on someone I know and love, my stepfather who was an alcoholic before he met my mother and by the time he met her, had been in AA and never drank again in his life. Remember talking to him about it, he was the sweetest guy and most kind and you could talk to him about anything, and I said, it’s so wonderful you’re no longer an alcoholic. And he said, I am an alcoholic, I’ll always be one, I am just an alcoholic who doesn’t drink. And it really lodged itself in my heart. Because I love him so much as a father and he has this thing in his past, it makes me so sad.

And as I went on to know him (tries not to tear up- died five years ago.) He didn’t think of it that way, he thought of it as being an alcoholic as being just something part of his life, he didn’t drink. He didn’t think of it as bad, shameful, negative, he thought it as something that had made him stronger and kinder. And when I think of that, I think about Matthew. And that is - I want to be clear that, I didn’t want anyone to wave a wand at the end of the book and say Matthew, you’re cured, you’ll never want to drink again. I wanted to go through the process of Matthew realising he has a problem, wants to stop, does stop with the help of his friends. And he may always be an alcoholic who doesn’t drink but like with my stepfather, it makes him kinder (he’s already kind), kinder, sweeter, stronger, better. So I think- you know. I don’t want anyone to look at the fact that he had this illness as a tragedy. I want them to think about it as a thing that makes Matthew who he is, who is a very wonderful person. And he deserves a happy ending, and yeah- absolutely (tearing up) and while it is not always about deserving, sometimes- in this particular case, I think it would be a really nice message to see Matthew get a happy ending. And that’s all I’m going to say.

Audience member: I think it was incredible that you were able to share- I know it’s really sad that he went through that and everything but its incredible you’re able to portray a piece of what he went through, in this character. Because Matthew as a character is going to live on forever in your writing, so you made his memory eternal, which is really cool and I admire that.

(Cassie: That’s so sweet)

Ever think of loophole where Tessa is able to become mortal and live out her human life rather than have her live on forever (Cassie clarifies - you mean, live out her human life with Jem? And then die at the same time.

Um. I think we’ll have to see what happens because we have another couple in that situation, which is Magnus and Alec. So, we have to think (audience groans) - immortal people going around having affairs, making people fall in love with them and then not dying- how selfish. We have to think about how it would be to have only one of those couples live out that ending. So we’re thinking about-

(interviewer- there can only be one?) Like Highlander? There can only be one happy ending? I don’t think of it as a sad ending necessarily because what do you get with anyone you love- you get a lifetime and what your lifetime in these books are, it differs. But I do think its interesting because we have more than one couple in this situation, so I think we have to think about- how does this work and what’s the messaging about only one of them getting this particular killer ending. So.. we’ll have to see how it goes, obviously I can’t say anything. I know. We were all happier five minutes ago.

Tagging: @belle-keys @ibrushmyteeth-donttellanyone @themimsyborogove @lifeofbrybooks because I think you'll all have some vested interest in some of these answers. :)

#chain of thorns #chain of thorns spoilers #the dark artifices #tessa gray #annabel blackthorn #malcolm fade #jace herondale #matthew fairchild #magnus bane #alec lightwood #the mortal instruments #jem carstairs #will herondale

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blamemma · 1 year

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thank u for the tag @semperama 😌 any opportunity to talk about my favourite thing! books! 😌

An estimate of how many physical books I own: where i live currently i have 132 physical books, but i also have some in storage and some in my parents house, so i would guess maybe about 220-250 maybeeee

Favorite author: i really don't have a stand out author...authors who have published my favouriteeee ever books have then produced really lackluster other works in my opinion....i feel like someone who never lets me down is ottessa moshfegh because u get what u get with her but i don't think i'd claim her as an outright favourite??

A popular book I've never read and never intend to read: truly anything by colleen hoover i am all for big popular books that get a large specific audience reading again, but we can do better by young girls and get them reading something sliiiightttllyyyy better (not shitting on anyone who enjoys colleen hoover, again they cater to a specific market and i think thats great, just not my cup of tea, but from what i've heard she's got a couple of questionable opinions)

A popular book I thought was just meh: normal people! :)) god it bored me sooooooooo much which is a shame cause the tv show slaps

Longest book I own: a suitable boy by vikram seth, 1474 pages!!!!!!!! and i read it in two weeks during the height of covid lockdown and it was EXCELLENT

Longest series I own all the books to: probably game of thrones....never been a massive series gal so yeah thats the only one i can think of off the top of my head?

Prettiest book I own: i have a really beautiful collection of charles dickens' books even though i'm not his biggest fan at all (loved david copperfield, enjoy a christmas carol, have read great expectations) but they were a gift and they do look really pretty on my shelves at my parents house!

A book or series I wish more people knew about: urmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm okay not to like talk about it again.............but at swim two boys............it was highly applauded when it was first published and was very popular but feel like it's popularity waned but its got two boys trying to resist falling in love and choosing to spend time together by learning to swim in the cold dublin sea.......the tumblr girlies would eat that up nowadays......also bewilderment by richard powers i think everyone should read that book 😌

Book I'm reading now: briefly, a delicious life by nell stevens....only about 50 pages in so far but good fun, a sapphic ghost love story from what i can tell so far so intriguing....

Book that's been on my TBR list for a while but I still haven't got around to it: the fifth season by n.k. jemisin.....tried reading it but wasn't in a sci-fi mood so only got one chapter in and then it has just.....sat there......for like.....two years......

Do you have any books in a language other than English: no and i am ashamed.....

Paperback, hardcover, or ebook?: paperback anyyyyyyyyyyy day of the week let me BREAK that spine let me make you look worn and loved and read let me chuck you into my bag and u barely add any weight!!! i dont hate a hardback but avoid buying them unless it is a book i am DESPERATE to read asap or it's at a good price but yeah i am a paperback girlie <3 don't own an e-reader apart from having the kindle app on my ipad so v rarely venture into e-books and i am sorry but nothing beats the feel of a book in ur hands like i need to feeeeel the pages

tagging @gokartkid @monagasque @lilyrizzy & @karlmarxverstappen if u would like xx

#books #this was FUN #some of my answers could have been better maybe

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acesofspadess · 1 year

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Live {8}

summary: after a silly little comment on Niall's live, who would've thought it bring you...well here....

a/n: so I realised I spoiled it last chapter... but this a never ending story......anyways... grab tissues😅

"Is tú mo bhuachaill órga, mo sholas na gréine, agus gabhaim buíochas leat go deo" you told him with a smile. He had a thinking expression before it softened as he pulled your chair in to him, to smuggle you into his chest. "is tú mo neamh, mo chara is fearr." you visibly melted into his chest. "I'm gonna cry." he pulled back and smiled at you. "no." he simplified and you laughed. "Gosh, I don't think I've ever heard something more Irish." you laughed hysterically

“All of your finalist are taking the stage with their coach for an awesome duet. Wer'e gonna get to one of those right now. You know when Niall first met Maia, he immediately recognized all the unique qualities that would bring her to the end of this competition now, if he could only make out what she’s saying. Take a look.”

You and Niall sat side by side both in blues as you talked about the duet

“I’m excited to sing with you!” your excitement thickened up your mixed accent. “Sorry?” Niall teased leaning in towards you. You went to repeat yourself but knew he was teasing when he started laughing at you and you joined. “They're gonna put that in there.” you laughed.

“You are the only person that I can't understand sometimes. I love your mixed accent.” He confessed as you smiled at him. “I definitely sound more Irish than anything."

"Should would have an Irish off?" He offered and you nodded wanting to see where this would go, "What is our national drink? And how do you pour it?" he asked and you rolled your eyes. "Guiness, of course, and please listen while I tell you how to do this America," you joked as you sat up in your seat proceeding to demonstrate with an imaginary glass. "Slow pour at an angle onto the top middle of the glass, like 2/3 height. Then your gonna fill it to the pour mark, slowly! tilting the glass back to a proper position. Leave it to sit for a second let all the goodness rush to bottom. Let it settle and then top it off. Hálainn."

Niall had the best look of admiration on his face. "Spot on. Down to the Gaelic." you laughed with him as you thought of the next question, "okay hard one, Best brand of crisp, and the flavour."

He looked at you with scoff, "Easy, 'Tayto' but it has to be cheese and onion." You groaned as he got it right, even though you knew he would. "You're from Dublin-" he started before you cut him off, "I grew up in Mullingar thank you." he lifted and continued on with the question anyway. "okay i'll change it then, how many pubs are there at home?" You knew the fans were screaming as he said home. "There's like 24 in a mile." you tried to tamper the question. "Ill give it to you, even though that wasn't the question."

"It's 'cause you love me." you teased looking at him, he turned to and raised his eyebrows dismissively, "sure." you gasped in fake hurt and he laughed. "Fine then, im giving you one your not going to know the answer to." he looked at you in fake pity. "no go easy on me." you shook your head looking away from him. "Nope, I want you to translate this into English." you watched him sit up and face you, "my Gaelic is rusty." he admitted before nodding at you to give you the okay.

“The first zoom I did with yah, I went to turn on the captions because I can never understand anything anyone says on there. Immediately turned them off.” you laughed as he acted it out. “It had you saying the craziest stuff.” you were slowly sliding off your chair as tears came to the corner of your eyes.

“Ive learned to slow down for certain people you know. But with you I never have to and that makes me feel good.” he pulled you in for another hug across the top of the chairs. “You’re a great person.” he shrugged and you scoffed jokingly, “eh.”

“The song Maia and I are going to be singing is New York State of Mind by Billy Joel. I’d seen it on Maia’s list of songs she would potentially like to sing, and it's also one of my favourite songs ever, and every time I get drunk I sing it karaoke.”

You giggled with a scrunched up face, “does that happen often then?” you both laughed into each other “i didnt know that.” he laughed harder at that. “I forgot-did i not tell yah?” when you shook your head no you both died of laughter.

“No you have to say the whole thing.” you giggled in the next cut. “You know what you're gonna get from this performance?”

“Slay.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The piano played as you and Niall nodded to each other in some hidden language. You gave him one last encouraging head nod as his part came

Some folks like to get away Take a holiday from the neighbourhood

You were with the audience when they went crazy over Nialls light tone

Hop a flight to Miami Beach Or to Hollywood

You watched Niall admire your voice first hand and it was beautiful

But I'm taking a Greyhound On the Hudson River Line I'm in a New York state of mind

The audience cheered as you smiled at Niall

I've seen all the movie stars In their fancy cars and their limousines Been high in the Rockies under the evergreens

You shook your head at his note and smiled at him

But I know what I'm needing And I don't want to waste more time I'm in a New York state of mind

You loved hearing his voice, you couldn't help the giddy smile

It was so easy living day by day Out of touch with the rhythm and blues But now I need a little give and take The New York Times, The Daily News Oh,oh

You changed your pitch in the middle of your note as Niall continued singing

It comes down to reality And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide Don't care if it's Chinatown or up on Riverside

You were always amazed on the raspy control of his voice

I don't have any reasons I've left them all behind You smiled at him as you sang it ‘Cause i'm in a New York state of mind Yeah

You felt the chills run through you as Niall ad libbed to perfection. You high fived each other and jumped into spin before you ran into each other's arms and he lifted you off the ground. You both walked down the stage with wide smiles from singing with each other for the first time. You both messed with your in-ears at the same time (a video you would later save and cherish) and he helped you down the stairs as you both waved to everyone around you as you both went backstage.

He pulled you along the dressing rooms quickly as he had to be back by the time break was over. “That was amazing.” he said, pulling you into another hug. “You are so angelic, Ni.” you smiled, wiping stray hair from his face as his arms wrapped around your waist holding you tightly to him. “Heaven can’t hold a candle to you” he whispered and your eyes snapped to him. “Only a few more hours baby.” you whispered back. “I'm counting down the seconds.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

To say you were shaking was an understatement. “Bitch if you don't stop moving your makeup is going to look like the underside of a kangaroo.” you stared at him through the mirror trying your best not to laugh.

“I'm sorry, I'm just so nervous.” Atticus groaned, pulling the powder brush away from your face. “Here.” he passed you a letter and you looked at him who just went back to fixing your hair.

Hi baby,

I know you're nervous, but I know you're gonna win this. You are incredible and I will always be proud of you. Thank you for letting me back in your life, I promise you with my entire being that I will never ever put us in that position again. You mean the most to me. I'll see you soon

Your niall

“Your gonna have to fix my make-up Atty.” you pouted. “What? You think I didn't prepare for your tears when you win. This shit is waterproof, tear proof, cu-”

“Okay, you're done.”

```````````````````````

“This is the moment we've all been waiting for.” you were standing centre stage with the rest of the finalists. You looked around as this would be your last time on this stage. “It's been an incredible season. It's time to find out, of course, who is the winner of The Voice. We’re just gonna hear from everybody quickly.”

Carson went down the line getting to you last.

“And last but not least, Maia.”

“I'm gonna try not to cry,” you laughed as everyone ‘awed’. “But thank you from the bottom of my heart. You helped find me not only as an artist but as a person and though our story started 3 years ago, this was an amazing chapter with you, and I hope for many more.”

He nodded at you and sent two thumbs up and dopey smile to you as Carson moved on. “I will first announce the artist in fifth place.” you all linked hands as this was the beginning of the end.

“The artist in fifth place is… Noivas.”

“The artist in fourth place is… Sorelle.”

You were now in the top 3. You were glad Atticus had gotten you ready because you were a mess. “ Now I will read the name of the artist in third place.”

“The artist in third place is… D-Smooth.”

You gave him a big hug as he had been like a big brother to you in the short time you knew him. You and Grace were gripping onto each other. “Grace and Maia, one of you is The Voice. This is the closest margin of victory in Voice history.” you both looked at each other in shock and laughed softly. “Good luck to you both.”

It seemed you had tunnel vision as your eyes locked on Niall whose hand was against his heart. “The winner of season 23 of the voice is…”

The season flashed before your eyes as you let them close

The Blinds

Next artist is walking on stage

You waited for your next part and saw the next chair turn…

Niall

~~~

I know Niall. I forgave you a long time ago. It sucks that i could never stay mad at you. But this doesnt mean im pushing everything out. You still really hurt me.

Im going to make it up to you i promise.

The battles

“We've got a steal!” Carson announced as you stood back up. “Team Niall!”

The Knockouts

He took a deep breath before looking up, “the winner of this knockout is Maia.”

“You okay Nialler?” you laughed and he rubbed his lips. “You gotta stop making me cry.”

“The second artist advancing to the Lives is… Maia.”

“Atticus…” you called your best friend. “I think I love him…..”

The semi-finals

“Every. Single. Song. They all connect back to you Maia. I always connect back to you.”

“We can’t.” you cried softly, hands tangling into his hair to pull him closer. “I know.” he cried back, “I know.”

~~~

“Team Niall slay.”

~~~

“Your third finalist…. From team Niall is….”

You and Ryley looked at each other with big grins

…Maia Quinn!”

The finale

Niall wrapped you in a such an apologetic hug, you looked over his shoulder and stared at Atticus quizzically. ‘What did you do?’ you mouthed but all Atticus did was wink and walk away.

“…This is incredible. Im so proud of you.”

“Ugh,” atticus groaned, “your love-sick puppies. Moment. Ruined.”

“Hi Maia, it's Harry! “Ello! Liam and Bear here.“Hi love! Louis here. “Hi Maia, Zayn here.

This one's for you Nialler.

“I’m excited to sing with you!” your excitement thickened up your mixed accent. “Sorry?” Niall teased leaning in towards you.

“Ive learned to slow down for certain people you know. But with you I never have to and that makes me feel good.” he pulled your chair closer to him so that he could hug you across the chairs.

“You know what you're gonna get from this performance?”

“Slay.”

“Only a few more hours baby.” you whispered back. “I'm counting down the seconds.”

I'll see you soon

- Your niall

~~~

“MAIA QUINN!!”

Your eyes shot open in shock and you froze looking at Niall who was screaming. Grace shook your hands to snap you out of the shock and you robotically hugged her. “Team Niall for the win!” It was when you let go you realised what was happening. The tears immediately fell down your face as you looked around at the flares. Grace hugged you one more time before the other finalist came on stage and gave you hugs.

Niall tapped you softly and you turned to him and more tears fell down your face. He laughed at your pout and hugged you one arm around your shoulders and the other pressing into your waist. He tucked his face into your neck and gave it a short kiss. “I told you! I told you!.” he chanted as he pulled away from the hug. But you just shook your hand wanting to be back in the home that was his hugs.

You walked over with Niall to another camera, trophy in hand as they asked you guys to share what the win felt like. “I told her on day one,” Niall passionately pointed to you, “when she was a nervous wreck.” you laughed surprised at him calling you out. “That she was going to go the whole way, and she still chose Kelly.” you laughed again with him this time. “But i stole her anyway. This girl is special. Special talent and people that are nice do good things.” You hit him over and over again as he was making you blush and he turned to you realising his effect and hugged you again with no plans on letting go anytime soon.

You were being congratulated all the way back to your fitting room after you and Niall were seperated, and when you closed the door there he was waiting for you. “My little winner.” he said, scooping you up and dipping you making you squeal a laugh as your hands found his chest. “I can do this now.” he said pulling you close like the night in his music room.

“Do what?” you teased. He rested his head against yours briefly before going to capture your lips but you pulled back and he whined. “Say please.” you whispered dominantly. “Please?” he begged and your lips were moulded into his in the second.

In that tender moment, your hearts aligned, the first sweet touch of lips.

A brush of softness, a fluttering start, a spark ignited, a flame from the heart.

Like butterflies dancing on a summer breeze, your souls entwined in a moment of ease.

The world around you faded into a haze, lost in the rhythm of this new phase.

Lips intertwined, in a passionate embrace, Whispering promises with tender grace.

With every tender touch, your love story unfolds, every heartbeat, a tale that forever holds.

A symphony of emotions, a crescendo of desire,

You let this memory forever be imprinted,

A cherished milestone in the journey you’ve walked.

And your love, like a flame, burned bright and true,

Ignited by that first live

The start of him and you....

@youcan-nolonger-run @ravenclawdirectioner

@luxiorchive @maeflowers653

HOW ARE WE FEELING RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!

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crazyexdirkfriend · 4 months

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🍲 or 🍚 for the ask game?

Yippee yahoo! 🍲 When did you start writing and why? I started writing short stories when I was a little kid, so I don't really remember. Me and my mother used to write my bedtime stories together like a creative exercise though. When I was 7ish, we did one about a python escaping Dublin Zoo and travelling on the bus down to my village and eating all the students before my principal chopped it in half and saved everybody. I got to read it for the class for school show and tell. I wish I knew where the copy of that was. The comedic pacing was top notch. I started writing fanfiction however when I was 12. I think it was because there weren't really any Ace Attorney fanfictions at the time that covered the 8 months between Diego Armado's poisoning and Turnabout Memories where Phoenix and Dahlia/Iris date and I wanted to write it. Then it quickly spiralled out of control. I believe I wrote like 50+ fanfictions in 2010? Practically one a day for all of August that year. It's tapered off since then and now I just write 1 astronomically long one every now and then.

🍚 What genre do you have the toughest time writing? Out of stuff I actually write? Romance. I started writing Okay, Cupid! for two reasons really. Practice writing longform again. And practice writing romance. My Dirk/Jake fics are so rarely sappy or fluffy. perpetuity being my most popular fic is astounding to me because it's such an outlier. I'm very bad at writing romance. Is it fun? Yes. But I find it difficult to suspend reasonable doubt with the romance genre in general, so I'm always like "eh?" when writing it. Also, I often find it difficult to put myself in the MC's shoes like. I don't see the appeal of Dirk whatsoever. I know what Jake sees in him! But Jake is a freak and it's hard to write haha. Out of stuff I don't write? Probably horror and gore. Or action. I've never really written anything like that seriously since secondary school English class.

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hannahssimblr · 11 months

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Chapter Ten

We talk and laugh and share stories with each other all the way home, and even though the journey is long and dark, when we arrive at the gates of the holiday park I find myself wishing that we could keep on going, cycle on together until the sun comes up and we’re somewhere far away. As I expected, the lights inside the mobile home are off. In fact, all the lights in all the mobiles are off, and I feel like we must be the only ones in the world who are still awake.

“What time is it?” I whisper to him as I dismount the bike, my bum and legs sore from where the bars of the pannier holder were digging into me, but I don’t mind. He takes out his phone to look at the time. “It’s half two.”

“Wow, I should really get to bed, and I barely slept last night. I’m so exhausted.”

“You didn’t?”

“No I… I was just wound up from being in Dublin. My mind was racing, it tends to do that.”

“Ah, okay.”

I know that I should be heading for the door by now, but I don’t move. I realise that Jude isn’t getting back on his bike yet either, we’re both kind of standing still in the silence of the park, looking at each other, waiting for the other to speak. I wonder maniacally if he really is going to kiss me right now. My anxiety in the possibility of it is so much that I feel compelled to break the tension and turn away from him. I’d be too scared, even if he tried to. “I better go inside.”

“Okay” He pauses. “It was nice to hang out with you.”

“Yeah, it was.” I walk up the steps of the deck and try the front door, but it doesn’t open. I search in the pockets of my shorts and realise that I don’t have my keys. “Shit.” I whisper.

“Everything okay?” Jude is still only beginning to mount the bike again, and I shake my head. “I’m locked out.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re sure you don’t have your keys?”

“Yeah I’m sure, I remember where I left them. They’re in my room.” I can tell that he doesn’t really know what to do, and I don’t either. “Oh, hang on!” I suddenly remember the window to my bedroom, and pray that nobody has locked it since I left for town earlier. I dash back down the front steps and around the side of the building, Jude on my heels.

“My window.” I whisper to him. “I think I left my window open.” and to my delight I have, it’s open just a little bit, but it’s enough for me to squeeze my fingers under the frame and push it upwards. “I’m in” I say. And again, we hesitate there in front of the open window. His lips part as though he’s going to say something to me, but then decides against it. I know logically that he’s only hanging around still because he’s nice, nothing deeper. I know all about the hierarchy system in dating, and he is far too hot for me.

“Do you want a glass of water?” I hear myself saying. “You must be tired from cycling all that way.” and to my surprise he nods. “Yeah that’d actually be really nice.”

“Okay, so do you want to come in?”

“If that’s okay with you.”

I climb in the window to my bedroom first and he clambers in after me. I quickly kick a small pile of dirty clothes that I’d forgotten to tidy up under one of the beds before he can see it. If I’d known there’d be a boy coming over I might have cleaned the place up for once.

“Okay, stay here.” I instruct, and as he sits down on the edge of my bed I creep out into the kitchen to grab him a drink. My head is spinning a bit. I can’t explain what compelled me to invite him inside, or understand what compelled him to actually come in. What are we going to do now? Read magazines and play Snake on his phone?

When I come back to my bedroom I find him looking through a stack of books on my nightstand and I feel immediately self conscious. “What are you doing?”

“Just looking at your books, is that okay?”

“They’re not interesting books, just silly romance novels and stuff.”

“If you like reading them then who cares.” I hand him his glass of water and sit next to him on the bed. “I know I should be reading the classics.” I say, because I feel I have to defend myself. “But I tried to read Catch 22 a couple of months ago and I thought it was bad.”

“Really? I like that book.”

“Oh well, it’s not really bad, that’s not what I meant, it-”

“It’s okay, it wasn’t for you. It’s fine to not be into something.” He looks amused by my rush to explain myself, but I still feel silly for saying it. Who am I, with a stack of books with pastel coloured spines and looping cursive text on the covers, to say that a Joseph Heller book is bad? What the hell is wrong with me? I want to slap myself across the face.

He puts the glass on the bedside table and reaches out for a book bound in black linen, and I reflexively grab it out of his hands. “You can’t see this.”

He looks perplexed. “Why not? What is it?”

“It’s personal.”

“What, like your secret diary?”

“No! Not like that. It’s none of your business.”

He smirks, “It’s your sketchbook.”

I say nothing, because he’s right, and it is my sketchbook, I just desperately don’t want him peeping inside it. It’s fine if Claire or Kelly look, because they’re not artists. Jude on the other hand, probably has that critical eye and the ability to spot a million tiny things that are wrong with my drawings. I know in my heart, without ever having seen a single thing he’s made or drawn, that he’s more talented than I am. It’s just written all over him.

“Oh, come on, let me see it, it’s no big deal.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s messy. My work is messy.”

“Uh, yeah, like all sketchbooks. I’m just curious about it, please.” He holds out his hands for it as though I don’t have a choice to give it to him, he has decided.

“I don’t want you to judge me.” I admit.

“But why would I do that?”

“Because you’re a real artist, I’m just… a hobbyist.”

“I’m not a real artist either.”

“The people at that Berlin art school you’re going to would disagree.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re saying all this based on nothing. I’ll show you my sketchbook sometime and you’ll see. You don’t turn into a prodigy just because you get accepted into art college.”

I sigh. “Okay, but you’re not allowed to be mean.”

“I’d never.”

I finally relinquish it and he slips it out of my hands. “If you secretly think it’s shit I’ll know, I’m really good at reading faces.” I say.

“I bet you are.”

He flips open the front cover and I’m immediately filled with dread as he carefully examines each page, leafing through it while saying absolutely nothing. His face is blank. I feel itchy, I don’t want to look at him observing my work. Eventually he points to a group of drawings I’d done while on the beach one windy morning. Just a woman walking her dog, her hair caught up in the wind and her slight lean against it. They’re quick gestural studies, little sketches I didn’t even have time to finish before she was out of sight, and to me they are hopelessly ordinary.

“These are really good.” He says. “The way you captured the movement. You can tell that she’s resisting the wind here, there’s great weight to it.”

It must be the most artistic observation I’ve heard of any of my artwork, so I smile. “Thank you, I’m trying to get better at drawing things that are moving. I got too comfortable drawing still things, and then got way too focused on the details. Like my cat.” I flip the pages back to the beginning of the sketchbook to show him a page of studies of our family pet Ruby. “See, she was sleeping, so I felt like I had time to draw every little thing. Like all the individual hairs end everything. I got way too caught up with it.”

“I like these too though, I get what you’re saying about there being a lot of detail, but I dunno, it still works for me. I think the linework is really sensitive. I think you’re a really good artist, like, everything in here is honestly great.”

I blush. “Really? You don’t have to say it just to be nice.”

“I’m not! I really think that.”

He looks genuinely sincere to the point that it makes me squirm, and I bashfully swipe the sketchbook from his lap and stow it away under the bed in case he tries to look at it again, or, God forbid, say something else nice to me.

“You’ll have to show me your work now.” I deflect “This is a transaction that works both ways.” He nods. “Yeah, I will. The next time you’re over at the beach house I’ll show you what I’ve been working on.”

“I bet it’s unreal.”

“Don’t hold your breath. Not as good as yours.”

I snort. “As if, I bet I’ll look in your sketchbooks and they’ll look like DaVinci did them.”

“Well if you think that I promise you’ll be disappointed.”

Prev // Next

#sims #sims 4 #ts4 #simlit #sims 4 story #sims story #writing #fiction #romance #sims 4 storytelling #sims4 storytelling #sims storytelling #lucky girl part 1

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iridescentnuances · 5 months

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5 Movies I'd Show You

Thank you @psalacanthea for always tagging me in games even though I'm not very good at it lol

Okay so with this list, it's going to become pretty obvious that I am a huge weeb. I spent some time thinking about what non-Asian movies I could include. I almost came up with none because weeb foggy brain is foggy. But worst of all, it's really shameful that me, a Spaniard, couldn't come up with a single Spanish recommendation! I will duely reflect upon this tragedy.

So here we go, in no particular order:

One of my favourite musical films of all time, a gut-wrenching tragicomedy about a woman who desperately looks for true love in abusive men. Great acting, great comedic scenes, and when it's time to cry, oh boy does it make me cry. Used to hit too close to home. Can't wait to watch it again after some years.

Okay, when talking Wong Kar-wai, everyone always says how good In the Mood for Love is. I get it. But its sequel hit all the right buttons for me. A man obssessed with the past leaves a trail of emotional corpses. The past never was, as one would think, any better than the present. All that's left is picking up the pieces to try and make something out of the treacherous nostalgia of an unfulfilled romance.

From when I decided to watch each and every Cillian Murphy movie ever. If you liked Girl Interrupted or But I'm a Cheerleader, y'know, any movie about teenagers being committed somewhere, you'll probably like this one. Romance, memorable lines, great soundtrack and honestly, a worthwhile cute ending to dig oneself out of depression.

Hear me out. This movie, this fucking movie. It gets a bad rep for allegedly being too misogynistic and/or too feminist. I wrote my bachelor's thesis about this movie. Twenty-seven pages worth of paper just going on and on about it. I could talk for hours about the book, the adaptation, the authors, the script, eeeeeverything. If you haven't seen it yet in your life, you just have to. If you've already seen it, watch it again and open your mind to it. I won't say anything about it except GOD FORBID WOMEN DO ANYTHING. A very controversial academic opinion, I was told.

The nightmare version of a teenage flick. This one might be my favourite out of Gregg Araki's "Apocalypse Trilogy". If I'm not mistaken, it features all of Araki's tropes: reptilian aliens, problematic bisexuals, at least two pairs of twins, impending doom, and homoerotic longing. It's funny, it's queer, it's horny, it's violent, it's a total freak-out.

Anyone who sees this and wants to do it, consider yourselves tagged!

#tag game

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slowdancingtorock · 1 year

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Ireland - Day 40

It's Friday and my last work day here in Ireland. I've been getting used to the monotony here a little, nevertheless I am glad that it's finally over. My French mates and I were tasked with handing out the graduation certificates for the adults who finish this week and that was about it. I also decided to take a closer look at one of the moody printers and even managed to fix it, so I get to leave with one more success in my short carreer as an intern here.

After everything wrapped up I said my goodbyes to everyone at work and collected my reference letter it was time for me to finally leave Malahide for the last time. For now. I got a little teary, not gonna lie. Despite work being okay at best, I'll miss a lot of things about it. Malahide is a very nice place, the park where I always had my lunch break is gorgeous and the harbour was very soothing. Most of my colleagues were amazing and we shared a lot lf laughs and stories and I will cherish the memories I made here. I still have a day and a half to spend in Dublin but I'm guessing they'll be quite uneventful.

After work I watched the first two episodes of Ahsoka and I an hyped for the rest of the show (even though I haven't watched Rebels I can sort of gauge what happened there). Then I met up with my German friends for a couple of beers and Poker at a pub nearby. It was fun but I just was so tired that I decided to leave at midnight. Wanna be refreshed for my final day here.

My song of the day is Without You by Avicii and Sandro Cavazza. Many goodbyes and an overall feeling of wanting/needing to move on sum up my last Friday at work and there is little else to say about it.

Honourable mention for the song that sums up my stay here is a suggestion by a former fellow student and strawberry enthusiast @booksandglitter: Unpaid Intern by Bo Burnham. Think that's self-explanatory. Cheers!

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volkswagonblues · 2 years

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2022 in review - my fave books I read this year:

[a subjective list]

In the Dream House, by Carmen Maria Machado

I was surprised when I flipped back in my notebooks and realised I really did only read it this year. A brief summary: Machado wrote this as a sort of autofiction about an ex-girlfriend. It was not a good relationship, to put it simply. It was a very bad one. The dream house that Machado imagined for herself became a prison. I think it captures the heart of abusive relationships, which is that it fucks with you so much that its nearly impossible piece it together in a clear narrative. Every incident of rage, cruelty, deceit -- it boils down to a “they said, I said” event, which Machado captures deftly by making every chapter a different genre. I wish I have the brilliance to do justice to how smart and how “crafty” this book is, but let me put it this way: I once lent this to a friend on vacation, and she blew off a day of waterfall watching and hiking in Yosemite to finish reading.

Sea of Poppies trilogy, by Amitav Ghosh

Trilogy of historical novels set around the First Opium War. Ghosh is an Indian writer with an interest in the lives of how the opium trade affected the lives of Indian and Chinese people at the time. It’s just -- really nice to read a historical novel that’s not from a white POV, but that’s also not afraid to paint the Indian and Chinese characters a comedic brush. There are crossdressing mystics and conniving merchants and campy oil painters, and so even though the subject matter is depressing as hell, but I would still describe it as a hilarious picaresque.

The Lying Life of Adults, by Elena Ferrante

It’s one of those books that I didn’t really enjoy reading, yet I couldn’t put it down and thought about for a long time afterwards. Ferrante has a knack for creating this very specific type of female character who sits in their world like a massive planetary body, pulling everything else in the narrative into their gravitational field. I like that a lot. It’s one thing to write a strong/interesting/3d blah blah blah female character, but another to write a female character who moves the entire book’s people and events through her sheer force of presence.

Ducks, by Kate Beaton

Dude. Just read it. READ IT.

-- “Ambrose--were you a fisherman, before?”

-- “I’m still a fisherman. I’m just here.”

Landing, by Emma Donoghue

Very cute queer love story about a Dublin air hostess and a butch small-town Ontario museum curator. What can I say, I think Slammerkin or The Wonder are objectively better writing, but this one is just cuter and hits me with that fresh early 00′s nostalgia.

Orwell’s Roses, by Rebecca Solnit

“Plants made the world, over and over...Think of the Carboniferous as a sixty-million-year inhale by plants, sucking carbon dioxide from the sky, and the last two hundred years as a monstrous human-engineered exhale, undoing what the plants did so long ago.”

The Woks of Life cookbook

Okay, first time that a cookbook made it to my top of the year list. But my god, it’s more than a cookbook -- the whole Leung family wrote it together, and there’s pages and pages of their family history, including the dad’s recollections of growing up working in a Chinese restaurant in the Catskills, driving home every week from New York as an adult to help with the weekend rush. I’ve made the stirfry cabbage and drypot cauliflower and the shrimp thing with the frozen peas and DAMN. no joke people think im a cooking genius

The Memory Police, by Yoko Ogawa

It’s not a pyrotechnic novel, but a gentle, haunting one. On an unnamed island, things faded from the islanders’ memories: photographs, roses, perfume, birds, lighthouses. After awhile, people themselves start to fade away. I think of it as a COVID novel, even though it was written in the mid 90s.

#books #personal

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queenshelby · 1 year

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The Fourth Season (Part 13)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap (20 Years), Fluff, Angst, SMUT

Words: 6,178

PLEASE COMMENT AND ENGAGE! PRETTY PLEASE…

The following morning, you made you way to Dublin by train. The journey took about three and half hours and it was your best friend Emma who picked you up from the station.

You only had a small bag with you which you carried around town before the both of you made your way too Emma’s cousin’s house.

Emma’s cousin was currently in France and Emma was housesitting for her and, despite the fact that she was somewhat disappointed that you wouldn’t be spending the weekend with her, she was happy for you, knowing that you were staying at Cillian’s house for two nights.

It was the first time you were visiting him in his home and you had told Emma what you were planning to do tonight, for which she cautioned you not to get overly excited.

“The first time usually sucks. Trust me” was what she said and she was not the first one from whom you had heard horror stories about having sex for the very first time.

“I figure it would hurt, but surely it can’t be that bad” you told her, causing Emma to shake her head.

“It hurts, but the pain isn’t the problem. The problem is that it is all going to be very new for you both and every couple needs some time to explore each other before sex becomes enjoyable” Emma then said but you still believed that, perhaps, you were simply lucky as, with Cillian, you felt as though you were on a constant high. He was incredible in bed for what you could tell and he certainly looked after your needs.

“Well, I very much enjoyed everything we did so far. That’s why I want to take this next step” you told her, blushing, but you did not have to explain yourself any further than this.

“Hmm, then maybe your first time won’t be as bad as mine. Just relax. Have some wine and, most importantly, tell him how you feel. If you are nervous about it then he needs to know. He will understand and, if he doesn’t, then he isn’t worth it” Emma told you before looking through her cousin’s wardrobe.

“What are you doing?” you asked while watching her pull out some black dresses for you as well as a pair of high heels.

“Finding you something to wear tonight. Something sexy” Emma responded but you shook your head. You wanted to wear what you normally wore, a pair of jeans and a shirt. But then, you reconsidered your choice, seeing that you had already spent an absorbent amount of money on lingerie for tonight so your clothes should at least match.

“Okay, I will wear a dress, but no heels” you thus told your best friend who was quick to find one for you. It was a black dress which easily wrapped around your body. It was simple but chic and covered your lingerie nicely.

Unlike most days, you also applied some light make up and straightened your hair and, when at around five o‘clock Cillian texted you that he was making dinner and confirming your arrival for six, you smiled.

“He’s cooking” you told Emma who handed you a glass of wine in order to calm your nerves.

“Fuck, I should get myself a man his age. No one ever cooked for me before and I am starting to get rather jealous. Does he have any single friends you could introduce to me? Some who don’t act, perhaps?” she wanted to know before offering to drive you to Cillian’s house which, conveniently, was only ten minutes away.

Since it was raining, you accepted her offer and, at around twenty to six, you left Emma’s cousin’s house.

About ten minutes later, she pulled up in front of a large terrace building which was very well maintained. It was light grey with a blue door and large hedges at the front, preventing a direct view into the garden.

“Are you sure that this is it?” you asked surprised, seeing that the house Cillian lived in was much bigger than you had expected. You grew up in a small three-bedroom bungalow in the south of Cork and this place had at least twice as many bedrooms, probably several bathrooms too and, by what you could tell, at least one fireplace.

“It sure is” Emma confirmed while checking her satnav. “Now get out before I get pulled over in my rusty all old car. This area is too fucking fancy for me” she then went on to say as a joke, causing you to roll your eyes before jumping out into the rain.

“Thank you so much ” you told her as you popped open your umbrella and she blew you a kiss.

“Any time my love! Have fun!” she then said and, with that, you walked off through Cillian’s front yard before, finally, ringing the doorbell.

***

After ringing the door, you waited for a minute or two before, finally, Cillian opened it and smiled.

“You are early” he observed while, at the same time, he pulled you inside eagerly. His eyes went directly over your body and, whilst the dress you wore was modest, it defined your body well. It was sexy and yet elegant.

“I missed you” Cillian then said as, until now, you had not even spoken a word. Your nervousness was evident and, only after a minute had passed, you began to say something through a stammering voice while, at the same time, dropping your bag at the door.

“I missed you too. More than you could imagine” you smiled while, for some unknown reason, Cillian continued to stare at you in an unusual way. It was almost like he was surprised by your appearance and, perhaps, he didn’t expect you to dress up for the occasion.

‘What’s wrong?’ you eventually asked as he finally shut the door behind him and starred at you some more.

‘I am just admiring the view. You look absolutely stunning in this dress’ Cillian said before, finally, giving you a passionate kiss and taking you into his embrace gently.

Cillian’s sudden affection startled you even though you had been waiting for his lips to claim yours for two minutes already. As usual, his lips tasted sweet and felt like soft velvet against your own. He kissed you well and you gave into the kiss with ease. It was familiar and, if it wasn’t for the scent of freshly cooked pasta coming from his kitchen, you would have stood there and explored each other’s lips and tongues for a while.

‘Would you like some wine while you wait for me to finish cooking?” Cillian then asked after your lips drifted apart after what felt like an eternity.

“Yes please. I would love some wine” you said with a smile while Cillian took your hand and guided you towards the kitchen which, just like the rest of the house, looked immaculate.

It was a large Hampton style kitchen and even featured a Kitchen Aid, making you wonder whether he could bake as well.

Across from the kitchen was the dining room and across from the dining room you could get a glimpse of his living room as well, featuring a mixture of modern and retro style furniture.

“Red or white?” Cillian then asked and, just as you were mesmerised by your surroundings, you simply said “whatever you are having” to make it easier for him.

“Okay. Red it is then” he smiled while watching you contently before, finally, opening a bottle of Bordeaux and pouring each of you a glass from it.

The food he cooked smelled amazing and he even went through the trouble of lightening some candles for you. In the background there was some Jazz music playing and while Cillian finished plating up, you wandered through the dining room, looking at photographs of his children.

“Dinner is ready” you heard eventually but you did not react, causing Cillian to approach you from behind, placing a hand onto your hip gently. You were lost within your very own thoughts and Cillian quickly picked up on the fact that you were not yourself tonight. You were much quieter than usual and this worried him.

“Is everything alright?” he thus asked before planting a kiss onto your bare shoulder.

“Yes. I am fine. I am just nervous” you admitted, causing Cillian to run his soft hands over your arms.

“If this is about us sleeping with each other, then I can assure you that I am in no rush. We can wait for as long as you want” Cillian told you before making you turn around so that you would look at him.

“I want to. I told you that I do” you stammered while seeking out his deep blue eyes which, as usual, were nothing but reassuring and loving.

“I know what you told me, but it doesn’t matter. If you changed your mind then I am okay with it. I can wait. I love you and there is no pressure…” he then said and you nodded shyly.

“I know. But I want to do this. With you. It feels right” you then said after having built up some more courage.

“Show me to your bedroom” you then demanded suddenly and Cillian immediately began furrowing his eyebrows.

“Right now?” he chuckled. “What about dinner?” he then wanted to know while caressing your face gently.

“Can we eat after?” you asked nervously in response. “I don’t think I can eat before we…” you went on to say, but were interrupted quickly.

“We can eat whenever you want” Cillian told you before planting another kiss onto your lips.

“Good, then let me show you what I bought for you” you then said and, whilst you tried hard to come across seductively, you failed miserably.

“I am intrigued…care to show me?” Cillian said nonetheless and, before he could say anything else, you unwrapped your black dress and let it drop to the floor, thereby revealing your black lace lingerie to him.

“Holy Jesus…” then fell from his lips inadvertently, causing you to laugh. His reaction was unexpected but certainly encouraging.

“Do you like it?” you asked as you had never worn anything like this for a man before and, whilst you tried hard to look like a tease again, the expression on your face simply highlighted your shyness and nervousness in this moment.

“Was that a rhetorical question?” Cillian stammered in response before telling you that he has never seen anything sexier than you right now before.

He wanted you desperately. Touch you and feel you, every inch of your body and, with this in mind, he leaned towards you once more and pressed his lips onto yours for a passionate kiss.

As he kissed you, he brought you against his hard body, his erection trapped between you, and not having looked, but being able to feel it, you gasped.

‘Oh god, that didn’t take you long at all, You are so hard already’ you smirked as you ran your hand over his hard member, still covered by the denim of jeans.

‘I am always for you, because you are incredibly sexy’ Cillian whispered before he pressed his lips back onto yours in a haste while, at the same time, finally, guiding you upstairs towards his bedroom.

***

After less than a minute, you reached Cillian’s bedroom which, usurpingly, featured a very large bed in the middle of it. The interior of the room was simple but chic. It was nicely designed and the white sheets on the very large bed looked appealing and comfortable.

Looking at it nervously, you followed Cillian until you stood right in front of it. The piece of furniture on which you would finally loose your virginity that night. It was intense and nerves quickly got the better of you, which was something Cillian noticed when you began to shiver a little too visibly.

“We don’t have to…” Cillian thus said again but you quickly silenced him with your lips.

“I want to” you told him once more and, with that, Cillian picked you up, lifted your feet of the floor and carried you around, to the side of his bed.

You smiled at him tenderly, nuzzling his chin as you crossed the soft rug in front of his bed before he laid you down on the soft cotton sheets.

As he laid you down, he was exceedingly careful with you in doing so and it was the care he took with you always that made you feel sure about your decision to take this next step with him.

“You are beautiful” he then told you while watching you lie there, on the sheets, waiting for him while he undressed himself all the way down to his black coloured Calvin Klein briefs.

While he undressed, he looked at you like you were the only woman in the world and this, in itself, was heady and made you tremble a bit as you scooted into the centre of the mattress. Your cheeks betrayed your feelings, turning pink while you watched him climb right next to you and, just as he did, you felt his hands trace your jawline. His thumb gently rubbed your throat back and forth and then he leaned in for yet another passionate kiss.

As his lips explored your mouth, his hands travelled over your body. Everywhere they touched, he left behind goosebumps and chills, even though your skin felt it was on fire.

Eventually, Cillian moved his lips to your neck teasing you with new sensations, and you moaned. Then you felt his hand slide from your shoulder to your breast and this was a sensation you loved. He squeezed your flesh and a gasp escaped your mouth. You instinctively arched your back and pressed your mound into Cillian’s hand.

“Patience babe. We have all night” he reminded you and you felt him smile against your neck before he peppered you with more feather-soft kisses.

“Please Cillian. I just want you so much. This is all I have been thinking about for the past week” you told him in response, gaining more confidence, as you felt like he was taking it too slow and you tried to persuade him to pick up the pace by grinding your pelvis against his.

In response, Cillian chuckled into your ear. It was deep, soothing, and it set your blood on fire.

“That’s good, but we should still take it slow. This is going to be your first time and I don’t want to rush it. I want you to enjoy it” Cillian said before nuzzling on your neck again, causing you to giggle and moan all at the same time, while you pushed your core against his thigh once more for friction.

“Okay, then don’t rush it, but at least touch me. Please, I am begging you” you demanded, causing Cillian to groan lightly from the friction and building tension between you.

“You are so needy you know that?” Cillian teased and the sense of authority in his voice sent chills down your spine and caused a tingling sensation between your legs.

“Yes. I am needy for your touch, your lips, your cock, everything. Please. Just…please…” you begged, not knowing what you were begging for as the fear and doubt about what was going to happen between you tonight flew away like a dove released from its cage. You trusted him, more than you trusted anyone else before and you wanted him. All of him.

“Okay okay” Cillian chuckled before, soon enough, his hands travelled over your body, stopping to explore every inch of your skin. You were captivated by his touch. His fingers felt like a piece of heaven, warm, calming, and protective and he certainly took his time with you, kissing and touching you like this for ten minutes before making his next move.

"I think it is time for you to take this off now" Cillian then whispered in to your ear and all you were able to do by this point was to stammer out a quick “hmm” before Cillian helped you into a kneeling position on his bed, and then took possession of your lips again. His fingertips glided over your shoulders, your back, and your waist. He did this several times before he grabbed your ass and pulled you into a crushing hug. His embrace was warm. His strong arms seemed very protective when wrapped around your delicate body. The world around you melted away as you squeezed him back, not wanting the moment to end. His cock was pressed into your stomach and you rubbed up against it as you shifted your weight. You did this on purpose and a deep moan echoed through the room in response to your actions. Cillian’s cock twitched and patted against your stomach, causing you to smile and moan yourself.

"You can’t help yourself, can you?” Cillian said in response to which you shook your head.

“No, I can’t. I want you Cillian” you told him before, with one hand, he unhooked your bra and threw it off to the side leaving you bare before his eyes, except for your lace thong.

“Please” you gasped in response and Cillian’s gaze drifted over your body, slowly, with purpose, like he was trying to memorize every detail of your skin again.

“I love you” he told you once more and a slow blush inched its way across your face.

“I love you too” you told him as you brought your hands up to Cillian’s chest which is also when your hands began to tremble and your breathing came in short shallow gasps. Your vision began to blur as panic set in.

You were going to lose your virginity tonight and, as your brain was beginning to overload, you felt Cillian’s lips graze yours once more.

Then, his next words sounded so patient and loving, making you forget all about your worries once more. “We don’t have to go all the way tonight. I am happy to wait, you know that, right?” he told you once more, realising how nervous you were still, watching you tremble, and you nodded your head.

“I know. But I want to. I want to sleep with you” you said to Cillian before you reached up and ran your hands through the patch of hair he featured across his chest.

“Alright, but I need you to know that, if you change your mind, you can tell me, okay?” Cillian said and you nodded your head nervously again as your heart rate continued to accelerate.

The blood pounding in your ears was so loud, that you couldn't believe Cillian didn't hear it. Your body was hot. It felt like you had developed a fever. You struggled to breathe. Your lungs felt cramped and devoid of oxygen. Looking into his eyes made the experience more intense and, as you worked your hands over his body, the more substantive the situation became.

“God I love your freckles. They are everywhere” you then said after you had calmed your nerves a little more.

“I am not even going to comment on that” Cillian chuckled in response to your comment about his freckles, but you ignored his words now as all your thoughts stopped and your hormones took over. His scent teased your senses and your fingers itched to drag your nails across his skin. Looking up into his face, you saw the spark of heated passion, burst into flames.

“I want you. Please” you said again as you placed your palms on Cillian’s shoulders, pressing your fingers into his flesh. You smiled as you heard a low hum sound resonating from his throat.

“And I want you too babe, but you need to be patient” Cillian groaned as you ran your hands up his arms, across his chest, and down his stomach. You loved the way his muscles rippled under your fingers. His freckled pale skin was warm and smooth as it conformed to his firm body.

Possessed by need and desire, you leaned forward and kissed his shoulder. Your lips tingled at the contact. You felt his body shudder in response. His head fell back and a moan passed through his lips. You began to kiss him everywhere you could touch and he did the same with you. The more he reacted, the more powerful you felt. You enjoyed this new feeling, this high, that was developing as you listened to his sighs, moans, and the change in breathing. Electric tingles danced through your system as his muscles flexed under your touch. You needed more of this drug, you needed more of him.

Eventually, you kissed his nipple, causing Cillian to curse.

“Fuck, that feels nice” he said before wrapping his hands around your waist and then all patience went out of the window.

Cillian crushed his lips against yours and pulled you closer to him. Passion exploded around you enhancing your senses. Everything seemed more enhanced: His skin hotter, his taste sweeter, his breathing louder, and his smell stronger. Your nails scratched at his back, causing him to suck in air. He left your mouth and kissed the side of your neck. Oh god, that felt so good. Warmth spread over your body prickling your skin and an aching pulse began to develop between your legs.

Cillian pulled back and stepped off the bed. Your head was too fuzzy to comprehend what he was doing. You whined and reached for him. He just smiled and pushed down his briefs, letting them fall to the floor.

Whilst you had seen him naked before, you could not get over how breathtaking, strong and lean he was. His cock was fully erect, standing to attention, and when Cillian started to crawl back onto the bed, you felt your nerves slowly beginning to build back up.

Noticing the change in emotions, Cillian said "it’s okay, we can stop at any time" before he started to kiss you once more. Soon, you started to relax and you deepened the kiss.

Cillian grabbed one of your breasts and gently squeezed it. Your head fell back as you sighed out loud. He rolled your mound between his talented fingers as he peppered your neck and shoulders with more soft kisses.

You felt his free hand slide down your back. He slowly started squeezing your ass cheeks. Using his thumb, he pressed down and rubbed it in a circular motion, massaging your muscles within. Without thinking, you grabbed his cock slightly squeezed it as your hand glided up and down his shaft. His whole body went still as he released a groan. His head landed on your shoulder and he was taking long deep breaths.

“Fuck, I love when you touch me like this” he said and you continued to glide your hand up and down his shaft. It was hard, long, and hot to the touch, but it was also soft and smooth. Just perfect.

You continued to play with him for several minutes, switching speeds, applying different pressures to your squeezes, changing the positions of your hand. You were so enthralled in what you were doing to Cillian, that you hadn't noticed that he had removed your panties.

But then, suddenly, a violent current of electricity shot through your body as Cillian started to rub your clit.

“Oh god, fuck” you shouted out grabbing his shoulders to maintain your balance. Your senses were overloaded already even though he had done this to you before on a few occasions.

You were hot, your muscles tense, and you felt like your blood had developed a zing. The aching pulse between your legs now felt like a rapid beating of a drum. It was causing your heart to race and your lungs to malfunction. Cillian kissed your temple and continued stroking. Your mind went blank, you could not think, you could not concentrate. You could only feel the pleasure that came in sharp sudden waves. You started to whimper and your body began to shake, you closed your eyes and just leaned on Cillian. Then you felt Cillian insert a finger into your pussy, this time deeper than ever before, and you could not find the words to describe how good it felt, except that it eased your aching need just a little.

"Fuck" Cillian groaned, his eyes closing. "You are so wet and tight" he breathed. Opening his eyes, he captured your mouth, kissing you as he eased a second finger inside. His kisses were different now, more demanding, and urgent, leaving you desperate for more. You felt his fingers pull out and then plunge back into you.

He began to finger you over and over again and you moaned against his lips as you felt a pressure building inside of you. As usual, you didn't understand the sensitivity he was creating as he ran his thumb over your clit and drove his fingers deep within you. It was just something that drove you wild, so you dug your nails into the skin of his shoulders in an attempt to ease the pressure forming in your stomach.

Unfortunately though, just like the last time he teased you, nothing seemed to work. You pulled back from his lips and tried to breathe. The way he watched your face gripped at your heart and made everything seem more profound.

"Cum for me babe" he whispered staring into your eyes. Those words combined with the look he gave you were so powerful that the pressure inside you exploded. You screamed out as wave after wave of pleasure came crashing forth. Your vision began to blur and a rushing sound filled your ears. Your body started to jerk in time with the waves of pleasure that now spread through your body.

Cillian groaned as your pussy strongly gripped his fingers. He continued to finger fuck you until your body began to calm down. Your orgasm was so strong that it took everything out of you and you slumped against Cillian, unable to kneel with him on the bed.

Cillian pulled his fingers out of you and you were surprised at how empty you felt. You wanted to feel him inside of you now. You needed all of him and, thus, you began to beg.

“I am ready. Please. I want your cock inside of me” you whimpered, needing to feel more of him. The thought of him penetrating you with his cock drove you crazy now and, finally, he gave into your demands.

“Okay, but like I said, if you want me to stop, just to tell me” Cillian said as he climbed in between your legs and reached for his bedside table draw which was where he kept the packet of condoms he bought a few days ago when you texted him that you wanted to have sex with him.

“What are you doing?” you asked and, before you could even finish your question, Cillian answered with a smile having formed across his face. You were so innocent and shy that he had to simply adore your ignorance when it came to sex.

“Getting a condom” he said, chuckling slightly, causing you to blush. Of course, condoms. You should have known that, you thought but little did he knew that you, too, came prepared.

“No, it’s fine. I started the pill a few days ago. We won’t need them” you then told him while looking at the packet of condoms in his hand. “I want feel you. Feel your skin. Your warmth. Your cum inside of me. Everything’ you then demanded through a stammering non-coherent voice and Cillian brushed some hair from your face and looked down at you with the tenderest expression you had ever seen.

“I must say that the thought alone of cumming inside of you is a huge turn on for me” he said before kissing you again and positioning himself at your entrance.

“For me too” you gasped while looking in between your bodies. You could feel the tip of his cock against your core. His skin felt as hot as yours and you moaned in response to the sensation alone.

“I am ready. Please” you then told him once more and Cillian nodded gently.

"Okay babe. I will be as gentle as I can but it might hurt” Cillian then told you as he slid his thumb over your cheek in a loving manner.

“I know. Just go slow, okay?” you told him while holding onto his shoulders.

“Okay” he reassured you before his lips touched yours in the sweetest kiss again while he began to push himself inside of you slowly.

“Oh god, it’s not going to fit” you then gasped against his lips. The intrusion felt intense and, feeling him stretch you as, slowly, he penetrated you in the most sensual way, was both arousing and painful for you.

“Do you want me to stop?” Cillian then asked as he observed the expression on your face. You were clearly in pain but you shook your head nonetheless, knowing that the worst was still to come. He had yet to break through your barrier and clung onto his shoulders in desperation to get it over and done with.

“No, don’t stop. Keep going. Please. Just do it” you demanded.

You closed your eyes in that moment and Cillian grabbed your right hand and entertained our fingers. Deepening your kiss, he tightened his hold on your body with his other arm and then pushed in more quickly this time, finally breaking through your hymen and entering you fully.

A sharp burning pain raced through your nerve endings tensing up your body. A small sob escaped your throat and tears filled your eyes in the aftershock.

"Just breathe and relax babe. The pain will fade" Cillian said nuzzling your neck in an attempt to distract you and you had to admit that you were immensely grateful that Cillian was so gentle and patient. You knew that, with James, it would not have been this way and knowing that made you feel safe.

“I won’t move until you tell me to. We can stay here all night like this until it feels good, alright?” Cillian then whispered, seeing how heavy your breathing had become and, with those words of reassurance, you finally opened your eyes and laid there, still, until that sharp pain faded to a dull ache.

“I love you” you told him once more, caressing his face as, eventually, you were left with a feeling of being full and stretched. It was a little uncomfortable, so you shifted your hips around trying to find a more comfortable position and, when you finally settled down, Cillian smiled.

“I love you too babe” he said before he slowly pulled out of you and then slowly pushed back in.

“Better now?” Cillian asked and a loud moan was all that left your lips in the first instance.

“Yes! Fuck! Do that again!” you then demanded and, after a quiet little chuckle and a somewhat deep groan, Cillian slid out and back in again and your heart started racing.

“Oh god. Yes. Again. More” you moaned almost instantly as shivers cascaded through your body and, after a few more thrusts, Cillian began to speed up just a little.

“Fuck, you are tight” he gasped and feeling him sliding in and out of you felt like he was always meant to be there, like a piece of yourself that had been lost until this moment.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” you asked in between moans while holding onto Cillian’s arms and shoulders, leaving visible marks everywhere.

“It is. I am just not used to it. Not like this” Cillian cursed before groaning again and then kissing your neck once more.

“Well you have to get used to it…” you told him before your mind turned fussy again. “Oh my fucking god…’ you then moaned, lost in a trance as you reached behind him and grabbed his ass, pulling him in even deeper.

Your fingers danced over his cheeks, massaging them, squeezing them, encouraging him to go faster, go deeper. He was creating another rush, a high more intense than you experienced earlier. You wrapped your legs around his waist trying to pull yourself up to meet his thrusts.

“Fuck your cock feels so good. I feel so fucking full. This feeling of you being inside of me is insane. Oh god…” you moaned as tingles jolted everywhere our body touched or connected.

“You feel incredible babe. So wet and tight” Cillian groaned as you scratched at his back, bit his shoulder, and pulled at his hair.

"Cillian, please, more" you begged. He grunted at the sound of his name and then lifted your hips and drove into you deeper.

He was going so deep; it felt like he was pounding your cervix. It was a bittersweet feeling that radiated both pain and pleasure. Your moans became louder and higher pitched as he rocked your body. His grunts became deeper and wilder. The sound of pleasure that tore from his body, reached your core. You wanted to please him more than ever before. The pressure started to build in your stomach again and you called out Cillian's name over and over again. You were close, so very close. You took Cillian's face in your hands, and you whispered "I am close. I want you to cum inside me. I want to feel it. I want to feel your cum inside of me. Please. Let us cum together"

"Fuck," he yelled before increasing his speed again. Hearing those words coming from your lips were incredible and Cillian was now pounding into you harder. You began bouncing on the bed uncontrollably so you wrapped your arms around his neck and held on for the ride. His thrusts were becoming irregular and unfocused. You knew that he was close and, as you felt your pressure preparing to explode, you captured Cillian's mouth and pressed against his lips as your very own orgasm pulsed through you for the second time that night. Your screams and his grunts were swallowed up by your kiss. You felt his cock swell inside of you as he came in sync with you and you could most certainly feel it. His warm cum was flooding your stomach, like a torrent, filling you to the hilt and it was incredible. The best feeling in the world, being one with the man you love, in the most intimate way.

“Oh god” you gasped eventually, feeling the warmth and stickiness surrounding you both and, as your bodies began to calm down, Cillian and you stared at each other as you tried to catch your breath.

There was no need for words as everything you felt was enough. With much regret, he pulled out and moved to lie down at your side. Facing you, he pulled your body closer to him. You laid your head on that soft spot connecting his chest and shoulder. You draped your left arm over his stomach and tossed your left leg over his thigh. The fingers of his right hand entertained with your fingers that lay on his stomach. His left arm wrapped around your shoulders as his fingers played with your hair. You felt empty and sore, but also incredibly satisfied.

“If I knew that sex with you would feel so fucking good, I wouldn’t have waited so long to try it" you then giggled, causing Cillian to laugh.

“It was worth the wait though, wasn’t it?” Cillian then said before kissed your forehead and you looked up at him and smiled.

"Yeah, it was" you sighed before looking down on yourself and realising that you just ruined Cillian’s perfectly white sheets.

His eyebrows scrunched together, "What's wrong?" he asked sounding worried.

“I ruined your sheets” you told him, seeing a small red stain where you had been laying.

“They’ll be grand after a wash” Cillian chuckled before he kissed your lips softly and you smiled.

“Well, don’t wash them yet. The night is still young and I most certainly want to do this again after dinner… If you can…” you smiled and, this time around, you looked like a minx.

“You know I can. In fact, I can fuck you all night long if you want me to” Cillian teased before asking you whether you are not sore.

“I am sore, but I also want more” you teased until, suddenly, you heard the doorbell ring.

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